#me? Projecting my own insecurities onto my favourite character? It's more likely than you think

[lemonhemlock]

Oh no, I feel like sometimes I am not explaining myself in your ask! I’m sorry. I don’t mean that Alysmond shippers will hate her as a character, I think many people across the board are excited to see what they do with her because there are lots of possibilities. I meant more that a subset of the people who currently call themselves Alys stans, yet don’t engage with her character beyond explaining why Alysmond is the correct ship and anything else is unholy, will be complaining about her being “ruined” no matter what happens. But you are definitely right, even if she is painted very differently from the tame, sweet peasant girl vibe, as many people will also claim they love her and always wanted this story for her.

it's no problem, friend, you don't need to apologise. 🤗 i feel like we're trying to say similar things here - in my reply i meant that the evolution of this ship within fandom has been driven not so much by the character of alys as she appears in FB and TWOIAF but by this latest internet phenomenon of morality policing

alys rivers has never been a staple within the asoiaf community or a fan favourite - and that's absolutely fine & normal, as she is an episodic character in a background historical plot that's only tangentially relevant to the main series - it's more thematically-relevant, that is. sure, there were a few people who liked her after reading FB, but she only became A Thing and gained stans after the end of HOTD when fans of aemond went online and found out he has a canonical love interest.

so, because a lot of these people were mainly anti-helaemonds, they latched onto her for dear life as an instrument to bully and harass degenerate incest shippers or what-have-you. there are definitely shippers for whom alys could have had absolutely any personality and they still would have liked this pairing. if aemond had canonically become involved with any other girl from any other noble house or social class, they still would have acted in the same way.

because it's not the fictional character that needs defending from evil cheating enthusiasts. no one is making them be so nasty to other fans other than their own hang-ups and insecurities that they project in order to feel better about themselves

Anonymous asked: I think what confuses me about the reaction to a ship like helaemond is that noncanon ships have always existed in ASOIAF. They’re everywhere! So many characters, and usually someone has thought about them fucking at some point. So the singular anger towards this one ship is baffling to me. Is it just because they have canon partners? Is it because of the incest specifically (yk, in the incest family?) The cheating aspect? I don’t know. It’s a mystery for the ages. This one singular ship with a relatively small following keeps some people up at night. Sorry to send you yet another ship ask, thank you for taking the time to answer everyone 🤗 I love to read your thoughts and analysis, we are grateful you share!

perhaps it's a combination of all those things, but then again aegond doesn't seem to garner the same caustic reaction. i don't know if it's because it's a smaller ship but i have seen people admit that a reason they don't like helaemond is because they're afraid it has a fair shot of becoming canon.

which i find, again, ludicrous, bc 1) if the writers have that on their bullet list of objectives, acting like a miserable person online isn't going to influence that in any way. 2) if the writers were swayed by the popularity of one ship, then helaemond should have breached containment by now and taken a hold of the collective consciousness. and if the general public loved it to such a significant level, there's not a damn thing a handful of antis on the internet could do about it. 3) as it stands, it has a niche following. the normies have long moved on because they lead regular lives and don't talk about the same fixation daily. the idea that ryan condal is scouring twitter and tumblr to see what his fave helaemond blogs are writing (ergo it's the antis' job to silence them via ostracisation) is, again, goofy.

and now for some old related asks under the cut

[🎵 i'm sorry mama i never meant to make you cry but tonight i'm cleaning out my closet 🎵]

Anonymous asked: "I'm not an anti" either but the statement that Alys, who also gets a cloudy handful of lines in a shoddy confusing storyline that grrm wrote for his least favorite character is a "very important" character seems just a tad biased to me. You can love her and want more for her story in the show and see her role expanded (I know I do!) but to act like grrm himself wrote her as anything other than a plot device for aemond's "downfall" arc seems a bit silly. I wish she was a fully-fledged character too! Alas, her and Helaena are both not. And both hold similar levels of non-significance to the bigger picture. Hopefully we'll see the show change that.

I’m putting this old ask first up, because it’s sort of related to the one I answered above already. 

Anonymous asked: JUST LOOK I'm interested in something that not many people think about in the fandom, BUT since you started talking about possible scenes with Daemon and Alys, I REALLY want to know how she will interact with Criston hahaha Given how he is shown in the series (don't say incel, don't say that), because again, according to rumors, he felt something for her (yes, Mushroom did his job). And the fact that, for example, in Alicent he can see some kind of saint / immaculate woman / martyr, what will happen when he directly starts interacting with Alys? (no, I'm not talking about sex, but such a light flirtation, maybe?) I'm rather curious if he's going to have some sort of internal struggle to give in to temptation or not? (gods help him) And just when Criston finds out about Alys's relationship with Aemond, knowing what he experienced in a brothel at age 13 and knowing that he is engaged to Baratheon's daughter... OH BOYYY I'm just imagining a similar scene like with Sansa where she heard Lisa and Littlefinger having sex...help

Criston/Alys could honestly go in many different ways. We know from Criston’s own mouth that he engaged in a fair share of dalliances before becoming a Kingsguard, so he would know how to charm the ladies. There’s also the implications of what being forcefully celibate for such a long time would do to you – forcefully in the sense that he is obliged to abide by it becaue he wanted to be a Kingsguard first and foremost for the prestige of the position, not in the sense that he willingly wanted to give up sex. It’s fair to say that he could have easily found himself a girlfriend if celibacy weren’t a requirement for his job. So, in that sense, there could be some tension going on there if Alys starts flirting with him, just like there was with Rhaenyra. As to whether or not he gives into it, well, the books tell us he does not, but that could very well just mean that no one found out if he did. He did break his vows before with Rhaenyra. Basically, I think you could make a compelling argument for both; the writers can go with either option here.

But I don’t think he’d be very happy if Aemond were to flaunt his relationship with Alys when it jeopardizes their political and military alliance with the Baratheons, so I expect there to be tension in that regard.

Anonymous asked: I don’t know how many helaemond shippers said they did not want Alys in the show, but I find it funny that this is the ship always being accused of things over and over. It’s the same people who said helaemond fans would harass Alys’s actress, and here we are; it is the self proclaimed aemond wives making videos about how wrong Gayle Rankin is for the part. I can’t even call them alysmond shippers of course because I don’t think they care about her as a character at all. I know you have covered your own issues with casting and it’s not a one size fits all, everyone will have opinions. But when the entire video and post and tweets are about how she doesn’t look like Alys, how it should have been JBF or Eva Green or whoever, it feels redundant. I’m not surprised it’s the hardcore Aemond girlies who are coming after her, but it’s frustrating to still see this stuff blamed on people who enjoy a random crackship 🙄

Anonymous asked: The thing about all these Alys actresses, fancasts or otherwise, is that not even Emily or Katie McGrath (who seems to be the most popular fancast for her) for example would've looked old and mature enough next to Ewan (in the sense that there could've been an obvious difference regarding their characters' age based on appearance alone). He himself doesn't look like a 18 years old teenager but people tend to mainly complain about the women instead which is not very fair. I mean, if they'd wanted to highlight Alys' age in the show then they would've needed to go for a 45+ years old actress, someone who could actually look old enough to be his mother, aunt, etc. if you get what I mean. But most late 30s-early 40s years old actresses already look very youthful (younger than a medieval 40 years old) and this alone makes most of the complaints void as there wouldn't be much of a difference between them and Ewan/Aemond in order for the general audience to notice and say "ooooh the age gap is too big, that's a problem". However most of the ridiculous complaints about Gayle are simply based on her not having a conventional type of beauty like the actresses mentioned above and like most of the fan arts that have been depicting Alys as (classically beautiful face like a supermodel, big breasts, fancy dresses that a lowborn wouldn't wear or have access to and so on) making it harder for the Aemondwives and Ewanwives to self-insert into her. They've created a totally different character their minds and when the reality contradicts them, they lash out. Next time they will complain about her characterization in the show being different because it will be different than the fanon one they've been creating (and sadly a lot of antis who are team green have been contributing to this misunderstandings thanks to the ship wars they've been engaging in, pretending Alys is this or that when there's no confirmation in the text just to make their ship look better).

It's true that most late 30s – mid 40s actresses tend to look better than the average woman of the same age anyway because of beauty treatments and the like, but they face ageism in the film industry even so. Which is why casting an older actress still translates into a 45+ woman getting airtime in one of the most viewed shows, getting exposure in front of the general public, where previously maybe she found it challenging to get jobs. Especially as a romantic interest.

Now I know the public and TV executives are allergic to seeing older women in that kind of storyline, so the chances of that happening were slim, but, at the same time, I would like to point out the existence and popularity of ROMANGERRI on the same network, on air in the same year and on a well-to-do, expensive, critically acclaimed show, no less (J. Smith-Cameron is 65, btw). So it IS possible. Sometimes you have to educate your own public, not just give into demands all the time.

Anyway, I want to touch on an additional point, because I remember people in my inbox trying to convince me that Gayle looks older than her years anyway so it’s fitting she was cast (she doesn’t look old at all, she looks absolutely normal). I don’t know, either these commentators are very young and, thus, kind of divorced from what a 30-year-old looks like or people have lost touch with how regular people look like and they expect everyone to be airbrushed or something.

Anonymous asked: I never thought I'd be obsessed with prophecy in HOTD and etc, but I'm very interested in it in the series and how the writers will develop it further. I love digging into these kinds of puzzles. And very excited about what else Helaena will predict. And Alys too! Because the series shows the importance of prophecies, for example, like the same Viserys and Rhaenyra, who believe, or vice versa, Daemon, who denies it. Most likely I'm the only one, but I would really like to see some parallels between Helaena and Alys in terms of their abilities. Because in F&B, only Alys was featured as a "magic figure" with the ability to foresee. And since we now have two such figures, I would like to think that this was done for a reason. For example: we know that when Helaena speaks a prophecy, it literally comes true in the next episode, but no one believes her words and ignores her. Also, I think that it is Helaena who may predict that Aemond will die (which of course may not be true). Will it also be with Alys? In the Deadline article, she is only designated as a "healer" so far (while all her magical abilities seem to have been only rumored) I'm wondering what powers they will give her, will there be the ability to see visions? Will she also speak in riddles like Helaena or will the predictions be more clear? Will they believe her, unlike Helaena? Because I keep thinking about that moment where Alys saw WHERE Daemon but she didn't see Aemond's death and it's quite intriguing because she really didn't see EVERYTHING or there was some intent... So many questions, so few answers. All in all, I'm looking forward to how they'll tackle the subject of prophecy in 2s.

Not much to add here, it’ll be interesting to see the type of magic they decide to use with Alys. It has to be a balance between real ability but not something that makes her overpowered, otherwise they’ll only end up creating plot holes if they turn her into Dr. Manhattan. The decision to also give Helaena prophetic visions when there already was a character that could have fulfilled that niche is not something that we know how to explain with certainty before the show ends. We don’t know what their plans were or still are with Helaena and how her powers are going to interact with the plot – whether she’s just meant to be a tragic Cassandra figure or more.

A tangent about Helaena and her being a dragon dreamer here:

Anonymous asked: re: other anon: I think people overestimate Helaemond as a ship. i’m sure you’re right and at some point, someone suggested that alys might not be in the show. but i doubt it was indicative of many shippers, as that’s a large leap to take and wouldn’t make much sense story wise. i know some helaemond fans are very vocal about it, but the fandom itself is quite small. there were some gen audience fans who latched onto the idea back in the fall, but they’re long gone now. Compared even to other ships in this fandom, it’s teeny tiny. ofc we are all welcome to like and dislike whatever characters and ships we choose, but i think it’s hard to pass a judgement on a minor character who gets very little time. saying helaena does not care for her kids or her family, that she would not try to help them? as you pointed out, she doesn’t seem to understand her dreams for what they are. this could be explored in the future, or it could be left as is. who knows what they’ll choose for her.

Anonymous asked: I know you're tired of all of these but I would like to address that last anon basically implying that Helaena should just be a victim and not have a bigger role. These people do not like her at all to wish that. The show has her as the first dreamer on screen, do they think that would not be explored at all? And so what if she does take over that arc from a certain character? Are they also going to complain that Helaena, a character who by all means should rightfully have an arc and not just be fridged after a tragedy, be explored in this matter? If she is paired with Aemond, it brings her into the centre of the story. So if they really like Helaena, why do they want to see less of her? They also keep on bringing up the book when it is barebones and the accounts are hearsay. Helaena could arguably not be the beloved by smallfolk figure they think, not with how the maesters' accounts are biased. I'll never understand people complaining about Helaena's character in the show, but completely ignore the other characters being whitewashed. Sometimes I feel like these people just want Helaena to be a victim because they have to use her tragedy as a sympathy card and argument for team wars. We all know how these people react when god forbid a woman shows agency, is flawed, and has motivations.

Anonymous asked: That ask you got saying that anon can't respect and empathize with Helaena because she won't do anything to save her family despite having visions of the future reminds me of this one person from team black saying that Helaemond can't be a thing, especially on Helaena's part, because if she had truly cared about Aemond she would've told him he was going to lose an eye, so how can shippers claim she cares about him when she let that happen? It was such an insane thing to say lmao, you can't even say anything against it because it's so ridiculous. I swear this ship gets the most insane comments against it, it's sad but also funny at this point. And also the comments regarding Helaena herself keep getting more and more deranged.

The thing to keep in mind is that she is not portrayed as a prophet in the books. Nor does anyone suggest that she was via hearsay or rumours mentioned by the maesters. That was a clear addition from the writers’ side. Whether it’s clumsy or well-executed – we have to wait and see because we just don’t have enough information yet. It has to be done in some way that doesn’t modify the plot too much because a lot of things are set in stone – so to complain that she is an ineffectual prophet or that she’s useless because she doesn’t /save/ anyone… she literally CAN’T save them because the authors won’t allow it. Now I have to ask: why are people directing their ire at a fictional female character though, instead of criticising the quality of the writing? If someone doesn’t believe this is a productive writing choice or a believable adaptation change, then say so, instead of wording this complaint in a misogynistic way and using it as a vehicle to irritate her fans.

Of course, Helaena is not a real person, so her feelings will not be hurt by people excoriating her, but it’s telling how some fans are incapable of mounting a meta-textual critique, and so easily confuse the Doylist and Watsonian perspectives of analysis: Helaena doesn’t save Aemond or her children even though she has prophetic visions => she must be a bad, unfeeling, selfish person, those are her character traits (Watsonian) vs Helaena can’t save anyone because the plot points and endings are set in stone (Doylist). I’m highlighting this point because there are fans like this who will literally go to war and fight in the trenches, making fandom spaces inhospitable, because they are 100% convinced they are the depositaries of the one true text interpretation, when their own critical thinking skills are fundamentally lacking.

Anonymous asked: Hi, love your blog, especially your analysis of HotD characters. I wanted to ask your opinion about one aspect of Aemond's (and by extension, Alicent's) character that some people in the fandom love to bring up. They claim that he is a character deprived of love and that his "mommy issues" are the main reason he falls for someone like Alys. Some of them even believe that he actually has romantic feelings for his mother and that's why he chooses an older woman with a similar name??? to be his lover. And after Gayle Rankin's casting some people on Tumblr were saying that she was cast thanks to her physical resemblance to Olivia Cooke (I don't see it at all) which, according to them, was intentional because of the reason above. Personally, I disagree. First of all, Aemond's relationship with Alicent is probably the only somewhat healthy relationship in his life. Alicent is not a perfect mother, far from it, but she obviously loves and cares for him (the Driftmark incident being the strongest example and Aemond himself acknowledges this in Storm's End). Therefore, it's definitely wrong to claim that he is deprived of motherly love and that his "mommy issues" will seal his fate. Moreover, we still don't know for sure what is going on between him and Helaena, but regardless of the nature of their feelings, I do believe, based on what we've seen so far in the show, that they care about each other. Idk, I just don't buy this explanation that Alys was his replacement for Alicent and a source of an unconditional love and acceptance he never received from his family members. Also, after the scene with the brothel madam I'm not really looking forward to this relationship because of all the implications. If there is something that could at least partially explain the nature of Alysmond (and even then a lot of it remains mysterious) it should be that scene from episode 9, and not the lack of love from his mother, sister or even brother(s). I only hope we will get to see more scenes between Alicent and her children in the next season, especially before Aemond leaves KL. I'm really interested in his interactions with Alicent and Aegon after the Storm's End incident and his relationship with Helaena in general, romantic (I'm actually starting to root for Helaemond after witnessing shipper wars on SM lol) or not. Sorry if this was too long:). Thanks for your time.

Thank you for your kind words & sorry for taking so long to reply, but life happens, you know. :)) and better late than never. Now, what you’re describing in the first part is definitely alimond (aemond/alicent), which can appeal to you (or not) depending on how freudian you like your ships. Alys and Alicent are basically the same name (it’s the same root), both are brunettes (though Alicent is more of a red-head in HOTD), both MILFs. There’s material to work with. One can make it happen if one is dedicated enough of a writer. I don’t think Gayle looks like Olivia either – I think they picked her because she seems to be a versatile actress, not because of physical similarity.

That being said, I never bought the Aemond-is-not-loved interpretation. I think there was something wacky going on backstage that got translated via a pervasive lack of communication. I’ve said it before but not allowing or discouraging the child actors / young adults to keep from exchanging notes on their character with the adult actors is not good showrunning or directing. Sorry to Miguel Sapochnik, but I’m just built different. And I think that’s kind of what happened with Leo and Ewan – something just got lost in the handover. Little!Aemond is bullied by Aegon but seems very close to his mother – he confesses to her his reason for being upset and accepts being comforted by her. Alicent spends the rest of the episode trying to fix his bullying issue: she is unsuccessful with Viserys, mildly successful with Aegon (who is a scatterbrain, but seems to at least stop for a moment and consider what she has to say) and very successful with Criston, who takes it upon himself to indirectly reveal Jace and Luke’s bastardy in a public setting and to break up Aegon’s alliance with the Strong boys by siccing him on them. Not to mention the lengths Alicent goes to in Driftmark to get justice for her son – these are not the actions of a mother who couldn’t care less. So, you know. I think Ewan is a talented actor but this unconditional love line must be because the showrunners were inconsistent in the briefs they gave to the actors. Like, you would not be hearing incongruent, looney-tunes-type shit like this in Succession, where characters change their life story and personality from week to week.

[afairytalestray]

Tuggoffelees 2

Part 10(b) of the precanon hc series (masterpost here)! This is almost a direct continuation from the last one, but I think it’s different (and long) enough to merit its own post! It’s a bit feelsy I think, but hopefully not too much!

When Tugger decides he wants to learn to fight, Cassandra is the one he goes to for help.  She’s generally private and could take a secret to the Heaviside. She’s tough, and blunt, but not unkind, and quite happy to help him out and give him instruction. Tugger, bless him, despite his large size, is not great at it. He skipped out on the basics when he was younger due to laziness/not having any interest in it (and not being naturally skilled at it - Tugger used to refuse to do anything unless he knew he would be good at it [or at least look good doing it]), but then Mistoffelees arrived and turned Tugger’s entire world upside down. Misto makes him want to be his best self, and makes him more confident in himself (on the outside he always seems confident, but damn, on the inside? Not so much). Tugger becomes really protective of Misto, and as his mate and the younger brother of Macavity, decides he must learn how to fight to protect him.

The funny thing about that is, when Macavity wasn’t draining Misto’s magic, he trained him to unleash hell with it. Misto can shoot lightning with frightening strength and accuracy from up to 10m away. However, using his magic in this way is incredibly upsetting for him, and brings up horrible memories of violence and pain and torturous flashbacks of being in agony, pushed far beyond his limits to cause devastation. Before Macavity, it had brought him joy, he loved creating sparkles and lights for his mother’s entertainment. By the time he makes it to the safety of the Junkyard, he’s horribly afraid of his own power, and won’t use it at all around other Cats. Tugger absolutely adores his magic and tries to help him build his confidence with it back up, but it’s slow going, and Misto won’t so much as zap a fly. Eventually, he’s able to conjure up his lights again around all the other Cats (he’ll even occasionally playfully zap Tugger [only ever Tugger]), but he won’t ever be able to use it to fight again, even in self-defence.

Tugger resolves that he’ll never have to. There’s basically nothing he wouldn’t do for Misto. Being a caretaker is in his nature in general - it’s just hard to see for most of the others as he doesn’t let a lot of Cats in. Despite that, however, he does see the Jellicles as family, and cares about them a lot. When the kittens (or any other Cat really) get upset or scared he’ll quite often be seen with an arm around them to comfort them, or will take on some of their duties to give them a rest, or will hunt for them or leave them a gift or something - it depends on the Cat and what they need really. 

This part of him can manifest itself a bit differently when it’s one of the few Cats who he’s let into his inner circle. If he senses a threat, or gets worried about one of them/his relationship with one of them, he tends to get into a sort of mood: he becomes overprotective, a bit broody, and can go overboard with the caretaking. Logically, he knows these Cats can take care of themselves, and he certainly doesn’t think they’re weak, it’s just that being a caretaker is in his nature. Since he doesn’t let many people get into his inner circle, he’s very keen to look after the ones who do. 

Misto is the one who tends to bear the brunt of this. It was very overwhelming for him at first - like Cassandra, he wasn’t used to people caring so much about him, especially in such an over-the-top manner as Tugger’s. He does get used to it though, and helps Tugger work on expressing himself in a healthier way. Normally Tugger is a very sweet and attentive mate, and Misto recognises that it tends to go overboard when Tugger is feeling down, or helpless, and that he’s overcompensating for that by trying to prove he’s helpful and worthwhile (everything Macavity made him feel he wasn’t). Over time Misto gets better at spotting the signs early, and can pull Tugger back before his feelings/worries go overboard. There’s an increase in tension: Tugger gets almost too attentive to the point of being stifling, and jumps to attention at as little as a breeze rattling something nearby them in the Junkyard. When he spots these signs, Misto removes Tugger from the open to the quiet privacy of their den. Normally some alone time with his mate is enough to soothe Tugger and bring him back to the bouncy, flirty Cat he is, but if he is feeling like he’s a bad mate (feelings of inadequacy in this department account for a good percentage of his worries), Misto will drop his glamour when they’re alone.

Misto removing his glamour before him means the whole world to Tugger - it means Misto trusts him completely. Misto hates taking it off, and only ever will for Tugger because he loves him. Misto has lots of scars from where Macavity used to drain his magic from him, and usually hides them with his magic (a low-level trick called a “glamour”). Tugger learned about it before they were mated, when they were talking one night about Misto’s magic, and he let slip that he modified his appearance around other Cats. At Tugger’s probing he revealed that it was because he was quite badly scarred from his time with Macavity. Tugger all but begs him to take it off, just for a moment. Misto is extremely hesitant and it takes a lot of convincing for him, and only agrees on the condition that Tugger promises not to tell anyone, or make any comments about it. When Tugger sees, it takes everything in him not to burst into tears on the spot. It’s bad. But of course, Tugger being Tugger, can’t help but break his promise, and tells Misto he’s the most beautiful Cat he’s ever seen, and means it. This, of course, makes Misto cry when he sees that Tugger is completely serious. Tugger actually thinks Misto is more beautiful without the glamour, but sees that Misto really doesn’t like taking it off, so never asks him to. He does manage to keep the other part of his promise and never tells another living soul. Obviously, Misto is still the most beautiful Cat to Tugger with the glamour on, but when he takes it off it just encapsulates a whole lot of feelings in Tugger: appreciation, love, pride, and above all - trust. If Misto trusts him with this huge and emotional thing for him, then Tugger must be a pretty good mate.

[plush-rabbit]

Asmodeus Comforting A Chubby Partner

Request: i was wondering if you could do hc's maybe for an insecure/chubby!reader x asmo? (both n/sfw are fine. whatever you're more comfy with) he's my favourite/comfort character but he very clearly loves beautiful things... as someone who isn't "traditionally/stereotypically beautiful" it makes me feel very insecure that he probably wouldn't be attracted to me. cellulite, stretch marks and scars riddle my body from years of extreme weight loss and gain from various eating disorders and harmful, unhealthy coping mechanisms. it's a lot of projection but ig i'm just worried he'd see like my loose tummy skin and be repulsed by it or the stretch marks on not just the "typical" places like thighs, stomach, bum, etc. etc. but places like my arms, shoulders and sides too.

Warnings: eating disorders + scaring briefly mentioned, allusion to self harm

A/N: Don’t ever worry about what I write for!! I’m willing to write a lot (also babes, i obvs don’t know you but please believe that you’re gorgeous, beauty standards fuck us all over and i need you to understand that your marks are all kisses from your body and marks to kiss. I’m sure you’re lovely and i hope you find love within yourself xoxo)

-

Absorbed with his beauty in the first few weeks that you’ve stayed with at the House of Lamentation, Asmodeus hadn’t noticed your lack of self-love. It’s only until later that he can see your forlorn glances at a mirror, the way you try to hide yourself under baggy clothing or long sleeved shirts. Of course, it’s a bit chilly in Devildom, but it doesn’t sit right with him. He brings you to his room that smells like lilies and strawberries, letting you sit down beside him as he grabs your hand, painting it a matching set as himself. With you in hand, he’ll ask you about yourself, slowly prying into your view about yourself. A deep frown will tug against the corners of his mouth and he’ll furrow his brows. He’s been aware of beauty standards in the Human Realm but he had never thought it was so dire to affect your own perception of yourself.

As the love and relationship between the both of you progresses, he’s focused on trying to make you feel better about yourself but in doing so he has to open some wounds. He knows that it hurts, and he’s pained to see you cry, looking nervously at you and fiddling with the ends of his hair but he means well. He tries to understand you, to feel a deeper connection with you and he’ll hold you as you cry onto his shirt. Once you’re done, he’ll let you calm down for a few minutes, offer you some water and dry your eyes, his fingertips grazing against your skin ever so slightly. With every word that you spewed with hate, he’ll counter it with adoration. He’ll hold your hands and comment about how they fit into his perfectly, the soft plush cheeks that you have, your lips that taste of sweet nectar and the marks against your skin that are perfect kissing spots.

He adores your cellulite. You may not think much of it and see it as a hindrance but to him, it reminds him just how soft you are. While demons and the alike are fun and he enjoys the time that he has spent with them he adores you. You’re a human, you’re soft and always changing. He likes to see your body, the way that it has changed, the pale lines marking over your skin like lightning bolts against the night sky. You’ll often find him tracing over it, his fingers walking over your skin and letting the stretch marks take him where they need to be. The stretch marks that lace over your stomach, the ones that pull and wrinkle your skin are something that he enjoys to look at. The groves trace under his fingertips and he’s reminded that you’re human, that you trust him with your plump body despite the mannerisms that he shows at times. Your worth is not put onto your body, it’s put against who you are and he loves everything sweet about you.

The Avatar of Lust is many things and loves many things, and one of those happens to be you. His charm doesn’t work on you and while it was a disappointment at first, it was also a grace hidden by it. You grew to care for him, for him. You loved the sweet nature of him that is hidden by childish jealousy, you adore the way that he tries not to cry at movies, less it ruins his makeup. You adore the small things about him. He fell for your beauty and soon fell for you. He loves beautiful things and his past partners might share a similar type but it doesn’t dictate his only standard of beauty. Beauty comes late at night when the moon is bright, beauty comes at seeing a lover wrapped in a silky bathrobe that’s matched with the other. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and he beholds many things that are beautiful. He seeks you out because you care for him in a way that he hasn’t realized he wanted- you hold his hand and you seek him out for pure enjoyment rather than lustful reasons.

His lips will trace against your body, his hands held tight in yours and he reminds you in all the ways that matter that he loves your body. You’re human, you change and that’s all right by him. Your loose skin is soft, plush and squishing under his slender fingers. If you allow him to, he’ll kiss your skin, let his pink lips pepper against your burning body and he can feel his sin tug at him. He wants to care for your body, to let you feel the pleasure that roams throughout him. His hand will curve over your tummy, his lips close to yours as he tells how delightful you look under him.

Perhaps it's because a few of his past lovers have looked a certain way, but he truly does love your scars. He likes to see your scars of tales from the time before. He might not know how you got them, but from the way you become nervous, he can only guess. He sees your scars as growth, you are in a different place, you are healing both physically and mentally. The scars are from someone long ago, from some cruel and uncaring, and now he’ll kiss them with a cheeky smile, merely telling you that he enjoys kissing your skin. In a desperate attempt to change the subject, he’ll pull you to another part of the house, commenting how he needs help with a class.

While he does love your body, your own happiness comes before his own pleasure. He wants to know that you truly do love yourself and if you don’t, he’ll pout but your happiness means much more. If you really do feel so bad about your scars, he’s willing to go and buy whatever cream is necessary to help aid in fading your marks. He’ll rub the cool cream against your belly, his smile melancholic as he tells you a story. He isn’t fond of changing you, but if it makes you happy and helps erase the scars that you try so desperately to hide, then who is he to complain about your body? He will remind you throughout the process that he does love your body, that whatever you do, is for your happiness because no matter what, he’ll be happy with you.

When he learns of your rather unhealthy coping mechanisms, he heart aches. He becomes rather dependent during this time, wanting to stay close to you for fear of hurting yourself in some type of way. He trusts in you but knowing that you would have harmed yourself makes him rather jittery. He’ll use the title that he has to find someone to talk to because while he would love nothing more than to listen to you, he is not qualified to be the one giving you advice. He’ll still spend hours scouring the internet looking for a way to help you- different medians, alternative ways to feel the sort of satisfaction that you might derive from it and anything else he can understand and see it fitting for you.

He rather have you do things in a healthy way that won’t ruin your body and mind. If you are keen to lose weight, you’re going to do it carefully. As the relationship unfurls into a blossoming flower, he becomes bolder in his actions. He won’t assume what you want to look like, but he wants to help so he’ll find a plan perfect for you and work alongside you. He loves beautiful things and he finds you to be beautiful and if you want to alter a few things about yourself, he’ll support you. Whatever disorders you had in the past, he knows how to care for them and you, he’ll make sure you eat well and treat yourself. You’re his and he isn’t going to let human standards take you away from him. Body image is something that he tries to keep perfect as much as he can and the clothes that you wear are an important factor in how you feel. He’ll change your wardrobe- steadily, of course- and allow you to feel better with what you wear. The clothes will be there to help frame your body in a more flattering way than anything baggy could ever, and he’ll have you model for him, taking pictures and uploading them to Devilgram just to show off how cute you look.

Asmodeus is the Avatar of Lust. He’s the narcissistic fifth born who loves himself and everything beautiful second to only himself. He values how he looks and takes great care of his body. He can be catty and whip out insults in less than a second. But, he is a caring lover, someone soft and sweet, attentive to the needs of his lover. Human beauty standards are something that he understands but he is a demon. He is monstrous and ugly, blood pouring from his hands and forever fretting over how he looks. You, however, are none of those things. You are soft, caring and sweet. You care for him, not the lustful part of him, but for the demon that he is. He’s sorry that he let you believe that he wouldn’t love you, that your marks are blemishes that stain your beauty, but you have to understand that they aren’t. He'd never reject your body, he’d hold you close and let his hands soothe over the parts you dislike while he tells you how gorgeous you are, muttering his praise until your heart beats against your chest and he’s giggling at your reactions. Until you’re gone, he’ll lay in his bed, arms spread wide that his fingertips can barely reach the edge of the bed and he’ll smile to himself, his heart fluttering and chest feeling light, knowing that he made you smile.

[shywhitemoose]

2021 fic review!

thank you for the tags @rexismycopilot and @lowkeyanakin  🧡🤎💙

I’m not exactly the most prolific writer (understatement), so some of this is going to be a bit silly, but I’ll do my best 😊

total number of completed works: 1 completed one-shot and 3 completed chapters from a long multichapter fic

total word count: ~22,000

looking back did you write more, less, or the expected amount of fic this year? Much, much less. 

your own favourite story of this year? err, awkward question for my fic situation, lol. A & E will be my favorite of the two when it’s done, I guess?

did you take any writing risks this year?: I suppose so – Lullaby was a departure from my usual style, whatever that is, and it didn’t have a traditional happy ending, which is weird because that’s usually what I want to read and write. Also, for me, Laid Bare (chapter 23 of A & E) was really scary to post... I tend to want to use direct personal experience for reference when writing feelings, to make things as realistic and human as possible, but some of the intimacy there felt a bit foreign to write. It was also the first time I shared any art with a chapter on Ao3.

do you have any fanfic goals for the new year? I’m going to finish Adrift and Entangled in 2022, guys. Even if it kills me.

most popular story of the year?:  Technically A & E, but Lullaby got way more positive feedback in a very short timeframe. A & E is still popular, but I think I’ve lost a lot of readers because I’m so slow, and that’s totally understandable but also a bit of a bummer because some were so very supportive and I feel like I’ve let them down :(

story most under appreciated?:  This would probably be more relevant if I wrote more, but I don’t feel like anything I’ve done has been underappreciated. Honestly, if anything, my work has probably gotten more appreciation that it deserves (but I am beyond grateful for it and consistently overwhelmed by the love!)

most fun to write?:  Not one story/chapter in particular, really. Any bits of Obikin banter are always the most fun for me to write.

most unintentionally telling story?:  I… don’t know? I mean if you look close, I tend to project my insecurities onto both of my main characters pretty frequently, but no one story (or chapter, I suppose) stands out. 

biggest disappointment?: Probably just that I haven’t written as much as I’d hoped. Anxiety and depression take a serious toll on creativity and motivation, as it turns out, and my mental health hasn’t taken a hit like this since grad school (I’m pushing 40 folks, so that was a while ago!)

biggest surprise?: The response to Lullaby. It was actually a comfort to write, and I didn’t realize it would hit people so hard. But I’ve never really been able to cry reading fiction, so I guess that warped my expectations a bit?

my favourite part of fandom this year? So I fell in love with obikin in maybe 2018(?) but 2021 was really the first full year I felt like I was part of the fandom, because I discovered tumblr and discord and have been able to actually interact with like-minded people in more than just a comment-and-reply-on-Ao3 capacity. There’s a lot of talent here, and I love that, but even the fans who hang back, the folks who maybe aren’t artists or writers, literally everyone I’ve come across in this fandom has been so wonderful. Welcoming, kind, funny, interesting, just lovely. And I also appreciate with my whole heart that no one here seems judgmental about age :)  

oh dear ok. tags. @darthplodder, @obi-wkenobi, @edge-ofnight @sopherfly​ @artemisthehuntress  (I haven’t been on tumblr much these last few days so if you’ve already done this and I missed it I’m sorry!)

[certifiedceraunophile]

Hiya!! Caroline Forbes for the character game, if you would be so inclined.

I am so so sorry I'm so late to this ask, but I'm hoping better late than never :) [like seriously I’m answering this a month late I am sooooo sorry!!]

First impression

My first impression of Caroline was during that scene at the grill, when she was drunk and like "I try so hard and nobody goes for me, nobody wants me, everything is a competition and I try so hard and NEVER win" to bonnie, and honestly calling myself out here, but I hated her in that moment simply bc I could see wayyyyy too much of myself in her, and I felt sort of vulnerable seeing such a blatant reflection of my deepest insecurities just sitting there in front of my eyes, but at that moment I wasnt looking to self reflect or read into it too deeply [I was there for mindless cheap entertainment] so my first basic impression I believe was to absolutely scoff at her, and I was like, I already dont like this chick, but also I was expecting her to be sort of a watered down regina george character, bc that's how they introduced her in terms of how she behaves w elena, she was supposed to be the shallow passive aggressive vapid bitch who's friendship is performative at best and toxic at worst, the way she treats Bonnie as a convenient sound board and replaceable company did not go unnoticed by me, these parts I can say I did not relate to, however I saw them for what they are, which is the makings of a headbitch mean girl who's imminent “untimely” death will not be mourned so much as alluded to constantly as a warning call and/or a cautionary tale for all the nameless dangers that are lurking in their godforsaken town, basically I expected her to die as a plot-pusher and then her death + the aftermath would've served as a convenient point of mild conflict between stelena to you know add to the "forbideness" of their relationship, so at this point all my first impressions were exactly what the writer's intended and honestly I was just waiting for her to die since it was clearly just a matter of time before that happened, but at the same time, I might not have been completely aware of this during that period of time, but the grill scene struck a chord with me and stayed with me quietly for a very long time, months later after reading several ffs and metas I can pinpoint that I was basically stuck between finding solidarity w Caroline in having the same insecurities as the character, and hating the fact that I had those insecurities at all to begin w and how vividly they were shown to me through Caroline without any restraint or cushioning.

So yeah you could say her character itself left me both vulnerable and seen at the same time so it was an odd mix of finding comfort and empathizing with this fictional character, but predominantly I was feeling.....agitated and hiding away from the truth that she represented to me; these two opposing feelings conflicted with one another constantly leaving me in a place where I mostly did not know if I liked her at all and if I didnt like her was it because she was written to be a mildly irritating side character [that I couldnt be bothered to emotionally invest in] or just because I saw too much of myself, especially the parts of me I dont particularly care for, in her to ever like her.

So yeah on one side I could say I wasnt deeply bothered [in a good or a bad way] by her, and only in passing acknowledged her to be the plot-convenient side character she was in the very beginning, but on the other hand, I somehow latently knew that it was so much more than that, and I am so so glad it was in fact the latter of the two that was true.

Impression now

Listen my impression of her now, cannot be encapsulated into a well thought out explanation of why I think so and so of her and how it affects me, but I think personally right now if you ask me what I think of Caroline, I would say I see her and I think, 

Oh I....know you, I see you everyday when I think about the kind of growth I want to have, I see myself in your past and while you may have grown I havent, but I can see it’s possible, however fictional and non-existent you are, if it’s possible for you, it’s possible for me.

[Also I just wanna add here, that in no way am I, at this moment, referring to canon!caroline directly but I am strictly thinking of the Caroline I have built in my head and the growth I projected onto her when I saw her transition from vapid blonde shallow bitchy human [and here’s the thing she wasnt vapid or shallow even in her human days but the insecurities still made her feel that way] to confident, painfully real, optimistic, loyal and so overflowingly full of love-vampire who has forgiven her past self but also loves her past self because no one thought she was worth that but Caroline Forbes thinks 16 year old Human Caroline Forbes deserves just as much love as Vampire Caroline Forbes and if no one else is brave enough, real enough to give that to her she will give it to her herself, Which to me is beautiful and resonates so deeply with me and that is exactly what I would say is my current impression of her; A girl so full of love and light, even her own shadow self cannot escape it.]

Favorite moment

Every moment she beats up a guy is my favourite moment and every time she insults Klaus with a smile on her face is also my favourite moment.

Idea for a story

Ok so I’ve had this idea brewing in my head for a while and I’m really excited to make it into an extensive multichap work when I do get the time, but you know how in Legacies [gag] there’s this episode where in an alternative universe where Hope doesnt exist at all, Caroline and Klaus are the cutest Enemies of the State couple to ever exist and they both are basically fucking shit up to the point where the humans wanna end the supernatural world as they know it, in legacies the reason behind the supernatural uprising was something unnecessarily sordid and stupid but I am basically thinking of something else but will lead to the same alternate universe we see in legacies, the basic premise rn is that  Klaus and Caroline are the Supreme leaders of the supernatural community and are leading them against the humans in this war that has broken out all over the world in a bid to end the supernatural world altogether, and I kind of have it outlined to take them from However Long it Takes my Last Love to let’s discuss our next strategy to over throw all opposing world governments on this table and then proceed to fuck on it.

So yeah I kinda wanna say stay tuned for that, but I wont cuz seriously I have no faith in myself lmao.

Unpopular opinion

As much as I love to criticize other characters [mostly Elena] for being hypocritical twats regarding Caroline’s choices, Caroline herself is a hypocrite multiple times through out canon, but I myself find that I am ok with that, since I never expected her to be perfect and her hypocrisy only makes her more real in my eyes since every time she is a hypocrite she is called out on it and made to face her own double standard.

Favorite relationship

I wanna say Klaus, like seriously I really really do,  but for me personally the relationship my Vampire!Caroline has with her past human self will always be the most beautiful enriching and hope giving thing.

That and also her relationship with her mom and how it finds this transformation from a place where they constantly hurt each other and are estranged from each other to a place where they try so hard to understand and love each other and finding the other to be an unmovable pillar in their life that strengthens and holds them up also resonates with me deeply.

Favorite headcanon

This one

[charged-wanderlust]

Lovestruck asks! 🎂If you could design you own MCs personality, what would they be like? 🍑If you could design you own LIs personality, what would they be like? and 🎸What’s you favourite trope for a romance? :D

🎂If you could design you own MCs personality, what would they be like?

GLAD YOU ASKED! im not sure if everyone who follows me is already aware, but i'm currently working on a project called No Honour Among Thieves, @nohonourvn here on tumblr and on twitter. part of my wanting to even create such a game as NHAT was the fact that i struggled so hard to see myself in most vn mcs - ones that were visibly pictured could never do it, since im genderfluid and poc with alt fashion, so asking for an mc that looked like me was a reach so far i had to stretch first, and ones that didn't show an mc visually would usually be extremely plain - since if they dont show the mc they usually do it so everyone can project onto the mc, and they try to give them no personality either for the same reason.

personally, though, i find a personality-less mc extremely boring and would rather an mc i cant project onto visually than one with the personality of a wet sock. so, with my mc for NHAT, i decided to leave them faceless so people can design them any way they want, but im working on giving them a pretty distinct personality so they fit into the world i've created better.

nhat mc, or as i like to call them, The Villain, is confident, witty, takes no shit from no one unless they have something to gain from it, a bit materialistic, a bit of a glory whore, definitely a bit of an overthinker/overanalyser, kind of a flirt sometimes, competitive, perceptive, just a liiiittle bit of a tsundere, and very, very good at acting. (i mean, they're a professional con artist, they kind of have to be.)

the good thing about the villain is that because the entire plotline is based around a con, keeping secrets, n having your own agenda, even if you can't really relate to the mc much, you can always write it off as it being part of the act, the persona the mc wears for the job and for self preservation. obviously that only goes so far, but i think it gives a bit more freedom to players on what they want their villain to be like in actuality.

🍑If you could design you own LIs personality, what would they be like?

i already have B) i basically took all my favourite things about all my favourite LI's and split them into two characters: Xanthe Wilde and Mercury Jackson. Navin and Siren, the two major side characters who may or may not become love interests depending on the success of the eventual kickstarter relaunch, came later - long after i'd developed xancury and basically came into fruition while i started writing. they were originally just random names picked (navin was from a random name generator and siren was the first name that came to my head at the time) to be the contractor/xanthe's bitter ex, and the informant. hell, originally there wasn't even an informant at first, siren was just a name navin drops so the mc can recognise him as a power player, but i went back to it to flesh her out later. navin's character just kind of created itself when i started writing the prologue.

xanthe was the first one i created - when i went "what do i want my visual novel to be about?" the first thing i came up with was "i want to do a twist on seducing the hot mafia boss." the first twist was making them nonbinary, that was a must for me, then i decided to make them the type of flirty, shameless and highkey kinda evil character i enjoy knocking down a peg. naturally, i had to layer him with enough trust issues to fill an ocean, for the sake of the ✨slow burn✨ that i love so much, and make him slutty enough so it can feel like a whirlwind at the same time. they're so fun.

mercury came up when i was trying to figure out what this mafia boss story was going to be like. ive always been a slut for enemies to lovers, and figured that even if xanthe and the villain were TECHNICALLY enemies, bc the villain has to act like they like xanthe for most of the story, it wouldnt come with the same tension as straight-up hating each other. hence, the idea of a ferocious bodyguard came in - along with all the other traits i like in LI's that i didn't put into xanthe, like being brash, aggressive, blunt and rowdy. just a tad bit apeshit.

i could describe them more, or you can read about them on the kickstarter page or even just play the demo yourself.

🎸What’s you favourite trope for a romance?

*violently bangs pots and pans together* ENEMIES TO LOVERS!!! maybe its the sexual tension. maybe its knowing that someones seen you at your utter worst and still decides to love you anyway is both romantic and something i desperately crave bc of the trauma and deeply ridden insecurity. maybe its maybelline. but god theres so many flavours of enemies/rivals to lovers and theyre all my favourite.

[mothric]

💕 and 🏳️‍🌈 for the ask game :)

@senseless-dinosaur-violence​ I totally forgot I even reblogged the hyperfixation thing, whoops. xD thanks for the ask! here I gooooo

💕 - tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

hmmm hm hm this is HARD because I really love Yamaguchi an awful lot but I don’t want to say too much and spoil his character arc for anyone who might be interested in Haikyuu but hasn’t gotten into it yet (’:

but !! I do love Yamaguchi for a multitude of reasons and the biggest one IS his development as a character. he starts off as a barely-noticeable side character but then really establishes himself later on, and I find it incredibly rewarding to see him grow into himself the way he does. of course, that goes for any character, because it’s a character-driven series, and Furudate is unfairly good at writing it lmao. but Yamaguchi holds a special place in my heart because of the quiet yet determined way he goes about things, even when it seems like nobody is paying attention. I find that really commendable. also his anxiety and insecurities are very relatable and easy for me to project onto lol

it’s also impossible for me to talk about Yamaguchi without also talking about Tsukishima, because they really do go together. I love their dynamic a lot, and for me, a good part of Yamaguchi’s appeal as a character is the way he interacts with Tsukki, pushes his buttons, and draws things out of him that nobody else really can.

and outside of that dynamic, he’s just! good! he’s so good!! he’s sweet and he tries so hard even when he’s nervous and he just makes you want to support him and also who the FUCK lists ‘soft floppy french fries’ as their favourite food?? also he owns a shirt that just has the word ‘tacos’ on it and that’s a whole mood.

in conclusion: stan Yamaguchi Tadashi thank you

🏳️‍🌈 -  do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

OH BOY DO I EVER!! ok to start I have a few queer headcanons:

Yamaguchi is a disaster bi and this is both incredibly important to me and utterly non-negotiable

Yachi is also not straight. whether she’s bi or sapphic is up for debate but she loves girls and I love her

Tsukishima is also not straight. like canonically he is not interested in girls to such an extent that he has been made fun of for it by other team members (this is more overt in the manga). he could 100% be read as ace/aro and I wholeheartedly support that reading, but he also gives me closeted gay vibes. he could even be both! but I do not support straight Tsukki. straight Tsukki does not exist.

bi Yamaguchi, lesbian Yachi, and ace Tsukki are POWERFUL and UNSTOPPABLE. they’re getting together to talk shit. they’re forming a coalition. they’re organizing a union. the establishment will burn on their watch.

I also have a handful of neurodivergent headcanons, but somebody else also asked me this question so I’m gonna save them for that! 

HOWEVER, before I go, I need to talk about one more miscellaneous and kind of obscure headcanon that is very very deeply important to me and yet I’ve told NOBODY about it despite thinking about it so much:

Tsukki mostly listens to instrumental music, the kind of stuff that helps him study. but he and Yamaguchi both listen to Shugo Tokumaru and listen....listen I do not have the WORDS for how important this is to me ok

to elaborate: Shugo Tokumaru is a Japanese singer-songwriter who was really active in the mid- to late- 2000s and a bit in the 2010s, and a number of his songs have appeared in video games like Little Big Planet. HQ!! is set in 2012, so it’s entirely within the realm of possibility for Tsukki to have heard his music. I like to think that maybe Yams had a copy of LBP and thought the music was cute and they looked it up together and that’s how they discovered him

I think Tsukki would like Tokumaru because he has a penchant for writing music that sounds very happy while the subject matter is quite dark (for example, “Rum Hee” sounds light and airy, but it’s about alcoholism), and I think that would appeal to him. also his music videos are visually interesting, and soundwise he plays with textures and instruments in a way that shows he’s really paid attention to the engineering of it, and I think that aspect would be really appealing to Tsukki’s sort of scientific way of thinking.

I think Yams would also enjoy the contrast between sound and lyrical content. the sound grabbed him instantly because wow cute!! but then when Tsukki told him to pay attention to the words he was shooketh. and I am just so so fond of the idea of them listening to Tokumaru albums together and discussing the lyrics and maybe even going to a concert and oh no I’m crying now

also!!! Tokumaru’s singing voice sounds a lot like Tsukki’s Japanese VA and. and. please just imagine him humming along when he’s sure that nobody’s around, or only when Yams is there. imagine... Akiteru having a guitar and Tsukki fiddling on it when he’s not home. imagine him or Yams picking up the chords to a few songs and Tsukki singing along... it is the only time he willingly consciously sings other than that one time at the Karasuno Christmas party......... i am going to combust

SONG RECS FOR CONTEXT: Rum Hee; Vektor; Katachi

anyway thank you for letting me go absolutely off the rails I’ve officially spent a full hour answering this ask so I am going to bed now

LISTEN TO SHUGO TOKUMARU HE’S GOOD

[childofsquidward]

13 and 20 for the writing asks meme? I hope you are having a good day!

Hi friend!!! I am now after getting this ask, thank you! I hope you’re having a good day too!

13. describe your writing style.

This is kind of a hard question because I don’t know if I have a particular writing style. I definitely prefer writing dialogue over scene description, like, I don’t know how to properly set a scene for the life of me, but if you need someone to write 10+ pages of back and forth between two or more characters I’m your girl. For real though, I think the reason why I have a harder time setting a scene is that when I write, I like to imagine myself in the same situation as my characters, which is why I know what they would say or feel, but not how to describe where they are just because, in real life, I would not use beautiful/detailed expressions to describe my surroundings if that makes sense? Basically, I don’t have a writing style because I don’t know how to write.

20. where do you begin a WIP? ex: a mood, a scene, a certain character dynamic, etc. does this differ per project?

Out of spite. No, but for real though, I haven’t written anything original in a hot minute, mostly fanfics, so the majority of my writing truly does stem from spite because all my favourite characters and ships are destined to be treated like shit. I kid you not when I say that every single WIP I have right now was created out of spite. 

Other than that, I think for DIl Dosti Dance fics in particular, because only like three characters got an actual personality and storyline and everyone else just played themselves, I feel as though I have more of an opportunity to explore the dynamics and backstories of a lot of these supporting characters that no else seems to be interested in.

I’m absolutely going to ramble for a bit and probably about things that you definitely don’t care about, so apologies in advance for my insanity, but I have three (maybe four?) WIPs for this stupid show that I love (Dil Dosti Dance) all of which are centred around that same bullshit story arc from the show where the writers just didn’t know what to do with Taani (the love of my life) as a character. 

However, the way I went about that same story arc for each WIP definitely varied! 

For example, for my fic Unwritten, I specifically focused on that very insecure, anxious and almost like ‘deer-in-headlights’ type of person that Taani had become and how she lost a lot of that initial bubbliness and positivity that she had when she first came on the show. From there it kind of just snowballed into taking other things into consideration like how do all the characters from the show fit into this world (like, what is the role of *inset-character-here* in this world and how have they changed compared to on the show?) and what characters of my own do I want to include in this world (which is how we got Taani’s siblings and Simmi’s brother).

In contrast, for The Truth About Taani, I latched onto a lot of this anger and resentment that Taani carried inside of her and kinda’ just went “let it rip mah girl” and she did. I know it sounds like I’m kidding, but I’m not, and this actually kind of helped me narrow down Taani’s concerns which were really just questions that I had about the show like the legalities of the dance team using what is supposed to be rehearsal time for a college dance competition as part of rehearsals for their own professional gigs and why is she the only one on student council that’s doing her job? Focusing on that specific emotion of Taani’s kind of helped me think about plot points in the show that were not elaborated on but needed to be addressed. From there, kind like with Unwritten, I started thinking of how I wanted to portray the other characters within the show (I basically said, out loud, “what kind of person do I want to be?” because I didn’t just want to be petty and make everyone else the bad guy, so let’s think of a realistic way to develop these characters) and also does anyone else even to be included (the answer was yes, get ready to meet Taani and Swayam’s entire extended family).

So that’s the long answer aka the unnecessarily complicated answer because I have no sense of anything. The actual short answer is that I find plot points of story arcs that I may or may not have liked within a show and kind of just try to express how I would have done things differently. If there is one specific story arc, like here, that I want to explore in different ways, I hone in on a specific emotion or set of emotions that the character that I want to focus on (in this case Taani) goes through and just build off of that into plot points or even throwaway lines from the show that I can work in. Then, I would slowly start to think about all the other characters as well and what their story should be. 

I’m so sorry, my answer should’ve just been this one last paragraph and I should leave it at that but I feel like that’s even more confusing, I’m so sorry once again.

[angelofthequeers]

City of Bones thoughts

I finally got City of Bones the other day and my scattered thoughts (tagging @repulsolife who wanted to know my thoughts):

I didn’t think Clary was a Mary Sue. People who slammed the series kept insisting she was one because she was so “speshul” with runes, but I’ve stopped caring about hating female characters based on special abilities since the realisation that people worship special male characters like Luke Skywalker but slam girls for the same reasons.

And on that note, I really like Clary. I resonated with her and how she felt like she didn’t fit in either world. I was reminded of Percy Jackson from when I read The Lightning Thief: both are kids shoved into a deadly world that wants to kill them while losing their mothers in the process after said mothers tried to keep them away, both meet a cute and highly skilled blonde with a painful past who are prickly with them at first but then slowly warm to them (Jace and Annabeth), both are powerful and have latent abilities that they need to learn to use, etc.

(Except I’ve seen a lot more scorn directed at Clary than Percy but that’s a story for another day)

Like, she makes mistakes and has flaws that are actually mistakes and flaws. She runs headlong into dangerous situations and ignores the advice of people telling her not to, and she genuinely gets her and others around her into trouble because of it. She has insecurities. She was so damn hurtful to Alec and was way out of line to weaponise his crush against him, but I also understood where she was coming from and that it wasn’t just a tantrum. I do like her overall.

Can’t stand Jace. I know he has a Tragic Backstory and he’s just Insufferably Smug As A Mask, but he annoyed me from the moment I saw him. I honestly wondered wtf Clary saw in him, even after all the times he opened up to her.

Simon was hilarious but even he got annoying when it came to the love triangle. I was expecting Isabelle to eventually return his crush and have the dynamic of the Hot Girl and the Nerdy Boy, so it was a little refreshing for Simon to realise that what he was feeling was shallow infatuation and have that help him see just why he liked Clary. A lot of these “I’ve been in love with you for years” crushes are just...there, but I genuinely enjoyed the rapport between Clary and Simon, and I could see why Simon was crushing on her, even if it got annoying.

Hated the love triangle. Hated it. I’ve never liked them in the first place but it honestly detracted from the story for me. I wanted to find out more about Jocelyn and Valentine and the Cup and angels and demons and the world in general without having the damn love triangle intrude on everything every time Jace and Simon were on the page. The dick-measuring contest got old fast.

I feel like people who complain about Clary being oblivious and how could she not have noticed Simon was crushing on her because it was so obvious have never heard of us aroaces. Her not catching on was very real for me.

The Clary/Jace relationship was a bit...sudden. Like, I know it’s taken half the book, but it’s only been a few days in the actual story and then they’re making out. Idk, maybe it’s just me being too aro for all this. I might grow to like it as it’s fleshed out but for now, it’s way shallow and idk what Clary sees in Jace and why Jace is into her in return. I would’ve liked for the first kiss stage to happen in a later book, but I know in passing about the upcoming relationship drama, so...I guess.

Isabelle was cool. She was pretty obviously the Designated Hot And Quirky Female Friend, but I still liked her. And I liked that she wasn’t outright rude to Clary or basically pitted against her in a catty bitchfight; each girl had their insecurities and projected onto each other, but they weren’t nasty to each other like Rosalie was to Bella in Twilight.

Alec was okay. He obviously had a Painful Past too, but I didn’t really feel either way about him. I guess because he’s not Jace, so we’re not meant to root for the Hot Bad Boy in the same way with Alec. I did love how he was explicitly gay in a book that came out when explicit queer rep was a pipe dream (like 2007 or something), especially in YA literature. And him getting flustered with Magnus was hilarious.

Magnus was a gem. I could immediately see why he’s a popular character.

It’s a bit of a slow book but maybe that’s just because it’s the introductory one and has to set up an entire world. I did enjoy it, though, and I’m glad I decided to check it out for myself instead of just going off everyone else’s whining.

It was very refreshing to have something other than Christianity validated, because so much of this genre heavily relies on crosses and Christian imagery, and one of the issues I’ve had in my own writing is wanting to write about angels and demons without them being Christian.

Definitely a family reveal worthy of “I am your father” but it was kind of ruined for me because I know in passing what actually happens later on. I did like how good Valentine was at emotionally manipulating Jace and how he knew exactly what to say, and I did feel for Jace even though I’m still ehhh about him.

Loved the Clary-Isabelle ending. So much better to see girls getting along and trying to navigate a girl-girl friendship than seeing them at each other’s throats for a boy. Also helped that there was nothing romantic between Isabelle and Jace.

Also like how Alec’s softened now. He really is likeable and I want to read more about him.

I liked it. It wasn’t my favourite book in the world, but it was a good introduction and I do want to keep reading, so I guess the book succeeded in its mission. I’m just bitter that I didn’t let myself get into this years ago because of internalised misogyny. Definitely going to start ‘City of Ashes’ at some point over the next few days.

[eliotquillon]

3, 6 , 9, 14, 15! For hive loo

3 - tell us your favourite headcanon you have for your favourite character

my fave character is otto and i will go down with autistic!otto, and that’s on projection luv. also my fave lighthearted one is that he and shelby had crushes on each other at different points lol but were too embarrassed to own up to it, Ever lmfao

6 - any aus you think about?

so many!! the main one for me atm is “everything is the same but otto gets adopted by a loving set of parents/ends up literally anywhere more competent than st sebastian’s” and the idea that number one really needed an excuse to sponsor otto for hive but an otto who was actually nurtured and cared for as a child just doesnt end up with the same moral greyness as canon otto does thanks to his leadership of the orphanage. i also have my “au where shelby and otto date for a week but it’s disastrous” and i think a lot abt an au where lucy lives and how ottra would’ve happened had she stuck around (spoiler: lucy is far more self aware than otto and wouldve dumped him once she realised he was just projecting his insecurities and feelings for laura onto her). this is very much a “dont get me started” question lol

14 - karaoke night at hive, what songs do the characters pick?

otto probably sings a white boy anthem like mr brightside or wonderwall, laura and shelby do a girls just wanna have fun duet and then laura sings heather by conan grey because that has the biggest ottra vibes EVER, wing surprises everyone and sings a showtune (and i personally think it’d be SO funny for him to sing pierre from great comet but i am aware that that is. literally just me). raven has too much common sense to join in and nero’s being boring in his office or whatever but pike gets drunk and sings i’m gonna be (500 miles) and gets a standing ovation. maybe i have put too much thought into this

[notaparty-trick]

happy belated ffwf, babes! question of the week (or last week) if you would be so kind and willing: who's your all-time favorite character to write and why?

hello!!! it’s gotta be peter. he’s my favourite character of all time. getting to write him is just a pleasure every time!! i feel like he’s a very relatable canvas for a lot of people to project their own ideas onto and i find that super exciting; it makes him almost like an oc sometimes because people have such different ideas of what drives him, what his biggest insecurities are, what tv he watches (queereye? b99? modern family? this is us? battlestar galactica? everything star wars? i’ve heard of all these things and i think they’re all valid) for me, peter is often a placeholder for myself in a story, i think. his realisations are built from my own journey more often than not. it’s a very cool thing :)

[nikatyler]

4, 8, 13, 19, 26, 34 & 43 of the OC questions. Thank you!

4. A character you rarely talk about?

Basically my entire BPR lol. But that’s because I don’t see the sims in that legacy the same way I see many characters from my other two legacies. They’re...just sims.

Bianca and Zoey are often in the shadow of their brothers, even though I love their story arcs. They’re different. Probably the saddest, most heartbreaking I’ve planned in the whole legacy? And one of the most serious. They have some lighthearted moments where you can laugh, but overall, they’re definitely more on the darker side. Also, Bianca and Zoey are one of my favourite siblings relationships I’ve ever written. Their bond is so incredibly strong...yeah I love them. Moving on, I feel a general rambling about siblings and family coming and we’re not here for that now :D

8. Do you RP as any of your OCs? If you do, introduce one of your RP OCs here!

Answered before, forgive me that I’m too lazy to link that answer 😅

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

The biggest, most obvious troublemaker would probably be Tyler. High school Tyler, I mean. He calms down after that. But yeah, as a teenager, he was quite wild.

19. Introduce an OC that means a lot to you (and explain why)

The one that I first introduced as Diana/Deanna, then recently Sylvia, then Sylva for like a week, then her surname Wynter became her name and on Saturday Wynter became Wyntra. And who knows what it will be next month. I’m joking but not really.

Wyntra. Why is she important to me? I had the very first draft of her when I was 14. At that time, she was my age too and I adjusted it a few times, so when I was 15, the story was moved to when she’s 15 too, when I was 16, she was 16 and so on. (Not anymore though, I’m 20 and she’s stuck at 18 and that will stay, it wouldn’t make sense to make her older in the beginning of the story.)

My point is, she kind of grew up with me. She’s like a diary, if that makes sense. I look at her and think of how far I’ve come as a writer (there’s still a long road ahead of me and I’m sure it’ll show on her too) I kept her through all my writing changes. Whatever I did, my mind was always coming back to her. I took breaks and wrote something else but I always came back to her with an updated idea for her story...and all these updated ideas and drafts are now combining into something that I’m planning anxiously. This time, it’s finally coming together. I feel more confident about it than ever. I’m really figuring out what story exactly I want to tell and what I want to say between the lines.

26. Have you ever had to change your OC’s design or something else about them against your will?

I have issues with names. I tend to use a lot of names starting with the same letters and often use name that sound similar, so when I notice, one has to go and I never like doing that but in the end, it's for the best. (I'm especially careful with this in my nonsims stories, not so much here.)

As for designs...I was sad when I decided in gen 4 that Tyler would cut his hair. I wanted him to keep the long hair. But other than that, not really? I’m working alone though, so I’m the one who has the final word...nothing is ever really against my will. Even the example I gave wasn’t exactly against my will - I 100% wanted to do it for the story, but my personal preference was different.

34. Do you have any twin characters?

Let’s see how many twins I have...I hope I don’t forget anyone important haha

Crystal and Claudia

Marie and Scarlett

Dylan and Aurora

Regan and Felix

Magnolia and Avery

Freya and Faye

Juliet and Dorian

[spoiler]

Some spares definitely had twins too, but I don’t remember their names. Shhh

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

Yeah. I like to write dorks like Tyler, Sunset or Claudia and on the other side, introverted characters like Isaac or Caleb R, to put it really simply. These are definitely the two “major” types, then of course each of them is slightly different, things overlap...most of my characters have to at some point deal with insecurities, anxiety or loneliness because guess what, somebody likes to project her own struggles onto them. (Not saying it’s a bad thing. Not always.)

As for looks, it doesn’t happen that often when I’m writing a nonsims story, but when it comes to sims...ooh boy. When creating a male character, it’s a struggle to stay away from long hair, not gonna lie. :D

Thanks for the ask ♥

[incorrectvalkyrie]

Questions About My Original Character...

Kody “Kingdom” Ammirati 

What does your character’s name mean? Did you pick for the symbolism or did you like the way it sounded?

My character is named after a friend of mine who passed away a while back. The character’s nickname is a symbolism to how she sees rainbow six as her family. Growing up her father referred to his family as a “kingdom” and how he was willing to do anything to protect and support his family at any length. It was something that stuck with her

What is one of your character’s biggest insecurities? Are they able to hide it easily or can others easily exploit this weakness?

Kody’s only insecruitiy is that sometimes she thinks she’s not good enough and she’s pretty good at hiding it. Only Frost knows about it.

What would be their favorite physical trait about themselves?

Kody loves her eyes the most because it is one of the only things she has in common with her mother. Nice Blue eyes.

What are their favorite traits about their lover?

Kody loves Elena's mind and how it never stops coming up with ideas, always thinking. Also her voice, Kody melts everytime Elena starts talking (Especially when it's dirty)

Are they sexually confident or more of the shy type?

Kody is for sure a bit of both. To her her lover, she is confident while to someone she hardly knows, she can become a bit closed off and keep it to herself.

Do they have any hobbies that their lover finds unusual, odd, or otherwise annoying?

Kody loves to cook! Her mother and Nona taught her when she was young and she's really good at it! Elena finds it a tad bit annoying because the team forces her to cook all the time, taking away their down time.

Is there a catchphrase or sound that they tend to make a lot (likely without being aware of it)?

Kody tends to say “i suppose” or “perhaps” absentmindedly to things that are said to her, mira finds is cute

What is, perhaps, their biggest flaw? Are they aware of this or oblivious to it?

Kody’s love and her loyalty to her family and friends, she would do anything for them no question. 

Do they have a favorite season? What about a favorite holiday?

Kody love’s winter! She always loved the cold, the snow, and the hot coco after being out too long. Her favourite holiday is definitely Christmas, her entire family gets together and spends the week together. She can't wait to drag Elena with her. 

What is something that would make your character fly into a rage?

If anything were to ever happen to her family/friends she would lose it 

Is there some particular talent, skill, or attribute that they simply could not give up?

Kody would rather die than lose her cooking talent. It keeps her close to her Nona. 

What are your character’s sleeping habits? Heavy or light sleeper? Blanket stealer? One that always rolls onto the floor? Pushes their lover onto the floor? Sleep talker or walker?

Kody, when first falling asleep is a heavy sleeper but when closer to morning the lighter she comes. Kody tends to cuddle a pillow for some reason (she’s been doing so since a child) but recently, she tends to cuddle Elena more than a pillow.

Do they live alone or with family? How do they feel about their family/roommates?

Kody used to live alone before joining team rainbow and living on base but when she gets the chance she does stay over at her parents because why not?

Is your character the athletic type or more of a couch potato? What are some sports/games that they like?

Kody can be a bit of both. She loves playing ice hockey during the winter with her fellow JTF2 and spetsnaz, or playing some soccer with Capitao and the brits. Sometimes she finds herself sparing against Cav, hoping to improve her Jiu-Jitsu. Some days you’ll find her just being lazy on the couch watching the simpsons.

Does your character have dreams of getting married and/or having children?

Yes to both. Kody has always wanted to get married to the person she loves and have her own big family to share her traditions with

What kind of home would they want to live in? Where would they place this abode?

Kody has voiced that she’d enjoy just a simple home, if possible by her family. Elena has said she agrees but wouldn’t mind somewhere quiet and out of a city.

Would your character be the kind to get into fights? (physical or verbal) Would they be a good fighter or cave in rather easily?

Kody does have a tendency to get into fights, physical more than verbal. Growing up with five brothers she became good at fighting simply because brothers can be jerks 

Does your character like animals? What are some of their favorite animals? Would they want pets? 

Kody loves Dogs! She impulsively bought a dog and brought it home to hereford. Harry was not impressed and told her to get rid of it but the team complained and harry gave in and allowed the dog to stay. They named her Jellybean. 

What is one of your character’s biggest fears? How would they react when dealing with this fear?

Kody’s biggest fear is to die alone and i think to be in that situation she would probably go into a full blown panic 

What kind of tattoos, piercings, birthmarks, freckles, and other such unique physical features do they have?

Kody had her blood type, AB tattooed on her inner right wrist as soon as she joined the military. She’s not big on tattoos or piercings so she never bothered to get others. 

In their own words, how would your character describe what their lover is like?

“What’s Elena like? Elena is amazing! She’s so kind and patient! She is really like the mom of team rainbow, really stern and makes sure everyone is behaving. Huh? What's she like alone with me? Well, she’s quite dominate *laughing* She loves being in control, which is fine… she's kinda kinky y’know? But I love it, I love her!”

Is there something traumatic from your character’s past that greatly affects them even to this day?

When Kody was about six or seven, her and her mom were in a fire accident that almost killed them, kody often has nightmares about it but it doesn't affect her a whole lot but it does make her a bit more hesitant when she is around fire. 

What is their lover like sexually? How do they feel about their lover’s quirks, needs, etc?

Elena has quite a high sex drive that Kody enjoys a lot. Elena is into anything really and Kody is all for Elena’s needs, easily submitting to anything she wants.

What is one of the most courageous things your character has ever done for a loved one?

Nothing too big or serious but during a training simulation Kody jumped onto a paint grenade, taking the full damage, giving Elena the time to clutch the match.

If your character wanted to be alone, where would they go?

Kody would go somewhere pretty high up and quiet, so possibly the roof of hereford.

Does your character have favorite foods? (breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, snacks, etc)

Kinder Surprise chocolate! Kody loves that chocolate so much. When Elena notices something off she’ll go off base and buy her tons of kinder products to help her cheer up.

Is your character afraid of death? If they got to choose how to die, how would they want to go?

Kody isn’t afraid of death, she’s the kind to accept it with both arms open. If she had the option, she’d choose to be with her family and friends.

What kind of weather does your character like? Cloudy skies, rainy days, sunshine, etc?

Kody loves Thunder and lightning, no real reason but claims that it helps her sleep easier.

Does your character’s family affect your character in any way?

Kody finds that she has to prove herself to her father and brothers to find her fit in the family, but other than that her family is supportive and constantly keeping contact with her. They love her lots. 

Is there a particular event that would emotionally devastate your character?

If anything had happened to her family or Elena that she could have prevented. It would break her completely. 

Is your character the kind to hide their true emotions or do they wear their heart on their sleeve?

Kody wears her heart on her sleeve but she has a tendency to hide how she feels in certain situations 

 What is some random affectionate thing that your character always does to their lover?

Whenever Elena is in the lab working on new projects, Kody will always bring her a fresh cup of coffee and some snacks, then proceed to hug her from behind, kissing her neck softly. Elena adores it

Is your character outgoing? Would they be the leader of the friend group, or the quiet one that gets dragged along?

Kody is really outgoing and is easy to befriend everyone, though she can be quiet and be dragged out of her comfort zone to things with groups. She doesn’t mind though.

Is there anything in particular that would ignite your character’s jealousy? Or does your character not get envious?

Sometimes when Elena and Eliza are together, Kody can get a bit jealous but Monika assures her that there is no need because Elena is interested in no one but her. 

What is something that your character has nightmares about? Are these frequent? Do they heavily affect your character’s mood?

One of Kody’s constant nightmares, besides the fire when she was younger, is one of her overseas on her last tour where her unit was part of an ambush that took out all of her unit but herself and her friend. They don’t affect her mood much, but she does get quiet and keep to herself. Elena is quick to notice this and will force her into bed and spend the day together watching movies and cuddling. 

How does your character and her lover confess their love to each other? 

One day Kody is just sitting in the lab watching Elena work and she just blurts it out without thinking, making Elena stop and blush. 

It takes Elena a few weeks to say it after the training sim where Kody takes the paint frag. Elena rushes to her and pulls her into a heated kiss in front of everyone, telling Kody that she loves her afterwards.

When does their first hook up happen?

Their first hook up was as strangers when they met at a bar, neither of them counted it as their first time. Kody says it was when Elena dragged her into Meghan Castellano’s room and slammed her against the door and called her an over exicted puppy before Fudging her into a crazy mess. Elena merely comments “She had it coming, and i have no regrets.”

~~~~

If you have other questions you’d like feel free to hit that inbox cause i will answer them..... Hope you guys liked..

IncorectValk [:

[itsthatsillygoose]

Kit, a raggedy ass analysis

I wrote an analysis of forthbeam last week and y'all we're dragging the others to hell saying they weren't as complex so let me prove you wrong starting with Kit ft. a lot of Ming. If u want my summery Mingkit analysis it's the last paragraph on this post but I'll post it separately too:

Something that really intrigues me about kit is his capacity for other people’s attention. We see through out the first series that Beam is quite a ladies man and is seen many times trying to hit on the stars of the university but for Kit this is rare. Aside from Pha, Beam and Forth, Kit is rarely seen interacting with anyone one else closely and think that speaks volumes of his personality. He may be stubborn and sometimes aggressive but I think deep down he's compensating for a lack of security, all he really wants is that resounding feeling of safety and he finds that with in the tight knit friendship between him, Beam and Pha; and perhaps that’s what makes his relationship with Ming so infatuating.

Ming is the very definition of what Kit seems to avoid, he is bold and loud, clumsy with his feelings, a stranger. He's a player and doesn't need that sense of security like the other which seemed to be the biggest red flag to kit during their development. Imediately when the two first properly meet there’s a sense of surprise from the shorter when he finds that Ming still remembers him, and straight away he throws up his guard. Through out at least the series so far it's almost like Kit wants himself to hate Ming or at least he feels like he should; he knows Ming is everything he seeks to avoid and so he tries to act accordingly. He constantly seems frustrated around him but rather than being agitated by Ming, I think what's really bothering him is himself and the way he can't help but yearn for these moments of having the other around. Doesn't make sence right? Surely he'd be happy if he actually wanted to see him? Well you'd figure, but perhaps it causes Kit such anguish as he knows while having Ming around he loses control and he doesnt want to give him self the oppertunity to get to know him or like him as even just a friend,,, and so instead he snaps at him. Again I think this was a really subtle and lovely way of displaying Kits issue; he truly is an increadible example of head vs heart.

I loved looking deeper into these two as they appear to have such a typical dynamic of cat and dog, but I really think the second series explored so much deeper into their personalities and character. I think what is really being portreyed by these two is so much more than just a spunky journey of two boys in love. Really I think that we delve into dealing with the concept of searching for trust and a sense of clarity in not only someone else but yourself too. I do think that kit is perhaps the “protagonist’ of this idea. Ming is very much the big scary monster in the dark for him. Whether Kit had had partners before or not I'm unsure but I think the reason why Ming really affected him so incredibly was that he’d never been loved in such a way, so shamelessly and intensely, especially by someone like Ming. Someone he’s so unalike in so many ways. Really I think their arch isn’t about Ming breaking into Kit's abrasive character but rather Kit searching for truth and a reason to believe in ming and the insecurities on both ends of that.

We see many times that kit is appalled by Mings ways, for example the way ming had so many ex partners, this was such a big piece information to just be brushed over; infact its exactly what knocked kit so far from feeling like he could reach out and grasp onto Ming. Again referring back to before, I think kit really yearns for a sence of safety in everyone he brings close to him, a place to relax, someone he can trust enough to not hide behind his front; he doesn’t care to be played with or used so seeing that ming would throw away his past relationships so readily perhaps triggered that insecurity as he rightly so doesn't feel that sense of security with ming. He appears unpredictable to Kit, almost as if he throws his feeling around carelessly, but we know this isn't true and that in fact Ming is increadibly predictable.

We see more of this when Kit storms away at the beach telling ming to stay where he is (which he does). Personally this is still one of my favourite scenes as it's fucking bursting with emotion and crammed with developing concepts i've already mentioned but it really does just get me every time. There's so much to unpick, it really was the turning point for the two- at least in my eyes. It admittedly does just appear as if Kit got short tempered and barked at Ming who then got upset and sulked, but really the scene is a lot meatier. It was really a big eye opener for kit as though neither of them spoke about what happened, it really felt like they both knew Ming was proving to kit that he takes his word seriously, and isn't afraid to commit to him. Kit seemed guilty when the scene returned to him and the others drinking but when Ming was dragged in by another friend Kit seems shocked realizing he probably would have sat there all night if it had played out that way. Maybe he assumed ming had gone back to his room but the fact he didnt was such a slap in the face. I love this cause Ming stares at him sadly, knowing full well he's proven a point. Kit knows he's upset Ming and realises that rather than Ming not taking the idea of a relationship seriously, perhaps he himself was the one dismissing any chance of something real, some clarity. Maybe he was his own scary monster in the dark. He knows full well that Ming is harmless or else he wouldn't have appeared so guilty when returning to the hang out without him.

The whole beamkit scene where beam pulled a doozy on us and pretended he and kit were dating is another obvious telling of his character, (nines expressions in those few seconds were fucking ace btw, the absolute utter panic swirling into sorry eyes, then a punch in the gut and finally regret) in those few moments alone its obvious that he knows he's done Ming wrong, but if you really look closer there's a whole ugly ass betrayal hiding in there. In the chat they just had in a prior scene, Kit makes a point out of not wanting to get hurt by Ming leading him on only to ditch him for another person, but what did kit just do to Ming? Huh?¿?? Exactly, its easily missed but it's an awesome detail i picked up when diving into this and i have to say it was another perfect example of Kit being flung between head vs heart. Kit's been trying so hard to get Ming to use his head rather than his heart, but by using his own head to try and protect him self Kit's only gone and done the exact thing he was so afraid happening to himself to Ming. I think realising this he understands that even though they're so different and worlds apart, they're both just dumb fucking humans and he shouldnt be so hard on Ming, especially when Ming's been nothing but loyal and honest. Perhaps Kit is scared of committing but he's projecting that onto Ming because he doesn't want to admit it, he only sees what he wants to see because thats all he knows after putting up a front for so long when ever his emotional well being is threatened.

Honestly Kit's really just been his own problem this entire show and he really ought to sit the fuck down and let him self live 👏🏻

Thought it was endearing when he took Pha out so he could get drunk. Obviously getting wasted to forget your problems isn't particularly endearing, but like i said about Beam last week, it makes him feel more human. Especially when Beam shows up acting like the whole beamkit couple thing was a joke (when it clearly wasn't) and Kit's just like fuck you you're so annoying. Smh he really is boo boo that fool. He's just so completey oblivious that his best friend in the entire world is head over heels in love with him, so gullible just believing what ever the fuck anyone says. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt seen as he was drunk but Idk it just tickles me that he's always so tense and always so on guard yet the level of dumbassery is just,,,, how's he gonna be a doctor when he's literally a raw nerve on fucking legs. Bless.

He really lets things bother him, but he's much more readable than beam which we know even just from Phana knowing right away what was up. The fact he hid from Ming when Ming entered the bar(?) too really emphasized how completely not as hard as nails he is despite how he tends to act tough. Thought that was a sweet detail in unravelling Kit's personality and how Ming seems already to have completely knocked his walls down; Kit's not even trying to act like he's unaffected anymore.

We all joke about Beam being an emotional wreck but fr kits really not that far behind. He deals with everything horribly and always seems to make shit worse for both himself and Ming. He just wants what's best for everyone but sometimes that's harder than it looks and he really proved that. He goes into panic mode if Ming so much as breaths in his direction which actually does the complete opposite of intended as rather than seeming tough and cold, it just shows Ming that Kit's easily flustered around him, EG, HE FUCKING LIKES HIM, KIT JUST WRITE IT ON YOUR FOREHEAD AT THIS POINT. He thinks he's so mysterious fr, boy the whole world and it's goldfish has you sussed, who do you think your fooling with that attitude?

Can't not mention the kiss and how sweet that was on Kit's end. After all that mess and acting unaffected, as soon as he sees Ming move towards him he imediately melts back into his big softie boyf as if he'd been waiting a life time to kiss him. He literally called him a 'bastard' seconds before, if that ain't some sort of chaotic then what the fuck is he. Jkjk, back to the point, Kit does this thing where he lies to him self, C O N S T A N T L Y. He's forever telling himself that he's in control, he's forever telling himself that Ming's out to get him, he's forever acting as if he doesn't want anything to do with Ming, but this scene was so satisfying cause it really just ripped everything he'd been pretending to be from right underneath him. He kissed Ming so readily and for the first time in the relationship he actually seemed put together and calm and in control. He's never known what to do with Ming's attention yet here and now with his lips on his all he could do was reach out and grasp on to his 'scary monster in the dark' (Side note i absolutely fucking adore how Kit's gone from being so rough and brash with Ming to being so ridiculously shy after the kiss. I think it's forced him to face facts and he finally realised there was no point in keeping up his walls. Ming knows now, theres no need. It's sweet showing his vulnerable side for once, this is some healthy character development i can get behind.)

You'll have noticed this gradually got less formal and is slowly making less and less sense. That's because as i'm writing this it's 5:40am and the brain juice is running low but the next bit should be a pinch more coherent sorry,

What i love about Kit and Ming's relationship is the whole role reverse as the series progressed. At the beginning we see Kit, part of a solid group of friends and he's comfortable and confident where as Ming's just a new student at the university, finding his feet. We expect him to perhaps be naïve or immature, and yes he's a little clingy but really Ming is one of the most stable characters going and exactly what kit needs despite how he first appeared. Not once has Ming changed his goal of pursuing kit, not once has he fucked up, not once has he ever panicked. Ming- even though he's sulky- is really quite mature with his dealing of Kit. He's honest and really does what ever he can to make it work. I loved the example of this where he backed off after the kiss. It was so so sweet considering how clingy he usually is, and it really shows he takes great time and contemplation when considering Kits feelings and that he has a really deep understanding of how Kit's mind actually works and how he may react. He backs off knowing Kit likes his space and that maybe he over stepped the line pretending to be black out drunk, but again i really love this as this creates that safe space and feeling of clarity that i keep bringing up as it meant kit could reach out in his own time and really come to terms with things without any pressure. It meant that for once Kit would have to make the move to communicate and take a step in their relationship and i think for Ming to take that initiative to really somewhat place their fate in Kits hands for a while was really quite sweet and mature of him. We stan our emotionally healthy engineering boys fr. We come to realise by now that perhaps Kit is actually quite bashful and somewhat of a baby dear when it comes to emotions, charging head first into anything but initially losing his footing right off the get go. But Ming is stable, he is collected and cool and surprisingly gentle. Its really quite tell tale that kit spoke so much about ming maybe lacking in commitment when really he was the one too afraid to commit, he was clearly insecure. This arch really was kit heavy and though i already said what i think their arch focuses on, i just want to add that it also explores growth and becoming a better person because of a relationship. They bounce off eachother in such an interesting way, and so intunely that they cant help but work. Kit never knows what to say or how to approach ming but its okay, Ming has that covered and always comes to find him. Ming's very flirtatious, and kit and easy to fluster. Kit needs time and Ming is patient. All these little north and south traits really just pull together and i love how these two were written with such harmony. I know I've delved way deeper than was ever intended for these characters but i think we shouldn't take for granted the complexity of such a wonderful thing.

This is the reason why i think 2moons2 is miles ahead of 2moons the series. Aside from the cringe music, over dramatic zooms and lingering shots which can sometimes make it difficult to watch, 2moons2 really seeks complexity in each character and i admire that itch to bring them to life as i feel 2moons was increadibly 2D in this aspect. I only really believed in Kit when i watched that series, but 2moons2 really forces you to believe and invest in every main character and i just think as someone who writes that it's rather lovely.

What are your thoughts? Do comment if you have time, I'd love to hear more on these two :)

[lit--bitch]

Current-Reads (20/04/2020 - 26/04/2020) 🍓🐢

(Disclosure: I don’t know anybody I’ve been currently reading this week. 😊)

Adding the preface again here: every Sunday without fail I throw up the freshest literature and photography I’ve read over the week, sometimes it’s a book, sometimes it’s a piece I saw in a magazine or an online zine, sometimes it’s something I saw on social media, etc. Sometimes I add ‘RECOMMEND’ next to a few of the titles, but that’s not to say I don’t recommend all of them, I just love some pieces more than others. Not everything will be everybody’s cup of tea, yanno, c’est la vie. And any titles that you see in bold are hyperlinked so if you click or tap them they’ll direct you straight to the source… or shopping basket. 

This week I’m gonna throw in a red herring and tell you about something I’ve been watching as well as what I’ve been reading, because I think it’s really cool and definitely appropriate for the age we’re living in at the moment. 

So I’ve been reading: Susan Sontag’s As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh (Diaries 1964—1980) which was edited by her son, David. I also read an interview on Granta from March between Rachel Long and Morgan Parker. I’ve also tucked into a couple pieces on Fence, Lexi Welch’s ‘Astroturf’ and Anthony Michael Morena’s ‘The Whale’. I also saw Cecelia Knapp’s poem in Bath Magg Issue Three (but the whole issue is an absolute smacker, it’s great). Last but not least, I’m up to episode 5 of a brand new thing called The Midnight Gospel. It is crazy good. And it’s on Netflix right now. 

***

Cecilia Knapp, ‘I Used To Eat KFC Zingers Without Hating Myself’, Bath Magg Issue #3: I really loved the whole of Issue Three, I guess I was quite struck by this particular poem for its “staccato-ness”. This poem is buttered with present-day references. But they’re not necessarily about creating a familiar environment. Rather the object of familiarity is found within the assemblage of places, snacks and thoughts, all of which compound the grief ‘I’ is experiencing. The ‘I’ ruminates on life’s banality and their personal insecurities in living banality: ‘I need a thigh gap. I use emojis / to avoid conflict. Worry I’m a gentrifier. Watch docs about murdered women’. The vapidity is funny. The pain is not. The insecurities deepen. Your body, your life, continues the ache of day-to-day routine, and finds no resolution in the things which may or may not stand to comfort oneself when ravaged by loss. The poem feels quite loose, and disinterested. It’s a sore poem, but its array of references make it colourful. It sort of reminded me of Édouard Levé’s work a little bit? But if Édouard Levé had been a pop culture fanatic chewing HubbaBubba bubblegum on the London Overground.  Bath Magg is a pretty exciting new magazine, (been around just under a year I think?) and they’ve published a lot of great writers, many of whom are emerging and I’ve spotted some quite established peple in there too. Kudos to their rubber ducky logo. It’s run by Mariah Whelan and Joe Carrick-Varty. 

In Conversation with Morgan Parker and Rachel Long, Granta Magazine: I deeply love Morgan Parker’s work, she’s, in my opinion, the master of titles. I can’t think of anybody who titles their work as well as Morgan Parker does. And I love the depth of honesty and charisma in this interview. Like yeah, it appears to be a generic Q/A but, it genuinely feels like a conversation, and it’s welcoming and unpretentious. Rachel Long asks some penetrating questions, and Morgan’s answers are so detailed and self-aware. Most of the discussion revolves around the action of writing poetry in general and where does that impulse arise from, but they do discuss Morgan’s latest collection Magical Negro which came out February last year. It’s a narrative on black womanhood, on micro-aggressions and reoccuring violence, it’s about breaking down white perceptions of blackness, and dissolving those projections. What I love about Morgan Parker is she’s tackling this fucking idiot thing where (mostly) white people think she’s attempting to represent all black women in her writing, which is, by Morgan’s own admission, impossible. Her work is a duty to herself, to the background she’s lived and lives, and to unpack that discourse in her own way. And if it resonates, then great! I felt all this was inherent in the interview and only adds to my respect for her, and to Rachel for being such an attentive interviewer. BTW Rachel Long has a debut collection coming out this July, My Darling from the Lions.

Anthony Michael Morena, ‘The Whale’, Fence Portal (Streaming) (RECOMMEND): I can’t tell you how much I adored this beautiful mass of whale and word. It’s an essay which references the American Natural History Museum’s Blue Whale model. The writing is thick with feeling and fat with concern. It blends monologue, memoir. It’s non-fiction and documentary. It’s elusive, enigmatic, fragmented. It’s like broken biscuits and blubber. To me it felt like a note on the offences of climate change, the emotional response and grief as we bystand erosion and corrosion, the loss of life, and the urge to merge something back together as it dissolves and fragments before our eyes. It’s as personal as it is public. A gorgeous and complex piece.

Susan Sontag’s As Consciousness is Harnessed to Flesh (Diaries 1964—1980) (RECOMMEND): I felt so afflicted reading Susan Sontag’s diaries, because y’know, it’s the equivalent of invading an Ancient Egyptian pharaoh’s tomb. Like, leave people alone. At the same like, this woman. These diaries are still shaping me, and each section leaves you with the weirdest aftertaste. Her personality permeates through every detail, every line-break, every reference and articulation of feeling. You learn so much, you gain so much from her perceptions and observations. How do I contain Susan Sontag? How do I describe these diaries? Not at all. Just buy it. 

Lexi Welch’s ‘Astroturf’, Fence Portal (Streaming) (RECOMMEND): My eyes locked onto this piece and just didn’t really stop reading. Lexi’s voice is enamouring and hypnotic. It’s so violent too. You’re lunged into friction burns and sports injuries, time and progression, the tensions between collectivity and individuality, family and sexuality, or as Fence put it, ‘lesbian eros’. This piece felt acidic. At times you can’t tell if the ‘I’ is indifferent or hurting to the point of numbness. It straddles so many different thematics, and breaks down a lot of conventions pertaining to the “ideal experience” of family relationships and team work. The resolution seems to be that in spite of people, our collectivity is defined by our collective solitude. This essay kicked me around a football field. It takes a good few repeated reads to appreciate its kaleidoscopic shifting, but it’s definitely one of my favourites.

The Midnight Gospel, from Pendleton Ward and Duncan Trussell, Netflix: (RECOMMEND) So the other day my friend Ben linked this to me and I had seen the trailer ages back and thought “Oh yeah I really wanna watch that”, but just forgot. After his reminder, I started watching it and ever since I’ve been saying to loads of other friends “Have you watched ‘The Midnight Gospel’ on Netflix?” because I’m d y i n g  to talk about it with everybody. 

I literally can’t categorise this “TV show” to you. It’s like if animation had a baby with a philosophy podcast and then put that baby onto an IV drip of psychedelics. It’s this swarm of different stimuli which you kind have to zone in on and absorb individually and yet somehow collectively. 

So like, “Clancy” is a spacecaster who sets up “spacecasts” (podcasts) with creatures from other simulated worlds and he interviews them. But when Clancy transports himself into these worlds, it’s not like they’re sat down on some cream sofa with two glasses of water like it’s animated Oprah. No, his interviewees are like in the middle of fighting off a zombie apocalypse or meditating on a mountain or trying to find and save their lost lover. And Clancy just joins them on the journey and interviews them about their “specialism”. These are real people that are being interviewed like, the first episode is with Dr. Drew Pinker. And when you’re watching it, you think that the animation is totally separate to the conversation exchange the characters are having, but that’s not true. They have intersections, they have meaning. It only becomes obvious that it has meaning right at the end of each episode, but if you lock on you’ll see it’s all relevant throughout. 

One of my friends was like “Oh I might stick that on tonight and have a joint” and I was like, don’t fucking get high when you’re watching this because it’s already intense enough as it is, like you know that Pendleton Ward and Duncan Trussell have felt some real shit to create this absolute rare jewel. In my opinion, you don’t need cannabis to appreciate these discussions. But if you wanna do it, then hey it’s a “free country”. And it’s not as though there’s a serious, central core plot like there is with Rick & Morty, I mean there is a kind of overarching plot but it’s not always integral. Like ultimately we’re invested in Clancy’s story but also all the stories of all the other people that come his way. There’s multiple plots, there’s multiple dimensions and ways of seeing. It’s a programme which delivers on multiplicity, which manifests itself in everything and everyone we see and know and touch and hear, etc, etc. 

This production articulates some of the revelations that psychedelics can give you. Psychedelics don’t make you see the world literally like these animations do, but the sensations of the animation are reminiscent of an acid trip’s oscillating moods and sensitivities. It’s really cool, and it’s very poignant, and it’s my new favourite show to watch. And what’s so great about it is that, it requires multiple watches in order to really absorb everything in its entirety, so it’s a series you can just keep going back to even after you’ve seen them all. It’s re-watchable. Just fundamental goodness all round. Best way to indulge in it is with ice cream. 🍨

***

So that’s it for this week, next Friday’s review is Annie Ernaux’s A Girl’s Story translated by Alison L. Strayer, published with Fitzcarraldo Editions. 

Stay safe and well as always, my little caramels. 💁🏽

[hisgirlwonder]

Wicked Games - Part One

Length: 3.6K words Warning: Smut (sex, mention of degradation, Michael secretly is a cuck?, etc etc) and angst   Synopsis: Every lawyer is given a case they would rather not work on and you’re no exception to this. Someone you know all too well ends up being your latest client, how will you cope under the pressure? You’re the best of the best in the world of law but you are, after all, only human. Notes: Today comes the day when I finally publish something about a character other than Michael. I’ve been staring at it for days because I didn’t want to ruin Duncan (I haven’t seen HOC) so hopefullyyyyyy this is okay! I’m kind of nervous in writing other things because my heart lies with Michael but I have been feeling such a pull to write for Cody’s other characters (I have some of an outline for another series for Michael x Reader x Jim so keep an eye out for that! It’s going to be a bit angsty from what I have so far) (also this is probably my favourite version of Y/N I’ll write about to date because we love a strong woman)

“Hello, Mrs Langdon,” Michael purrs, grinning at the sight of you coming through the front door. You plant a kiss on his cheek and apologise for the late arrival home; telling him those idiots at work were to blame.

Taking off your jacket feels like an effort with all of the buttons and a pair of tired hands; eventually you get there and hang it up on the coat stand. Michael asks if you had a rough day and your response is a heavily exhale of exhaustion followed with a remark of you have no idea as you’re kicking off your heels.

He closes the door and asks if you’ve eaten. You nod, explaining that you ordered in sushi earlier. It was unfortunate because having dinner together was one of the things that helped you unwind after a long day and today you had to miss it. It turns out your newest client held you back for much longer than intended and when you finally got to pack up for the day night, you leave feeling deflated because all you’ve done is run in circles and achieved nothing.

Michael sinks his warm thumbs into your trapezius muscles to try and massage the tautness out. You were never one to give up a fight because you thrived on winning but the weight of this was so heavy and it was only day one.

You feel those smooth hands glide down to rest on your upper arms and Michael tells you he’s going to get you a drink. A sigh of dejection erupts from your lungs, and you push past it to thank him before he disappears into the kitchen.

*

Michael re-appears with a drink in hand and as you’re taking it from him, you smile weakly and mouth thank you. You swallow a few mouthfuls to calm yourself before offloading onto your husband.

“I don’t know what I’ve done to be dumped with this case. I just, I mean, I just really wanted to slap the shit eating grin off of his face. He’s even more unrelenting than I remember.” You say, dumbfounded in disbelief at how anyone could have that kind of attitude.

“Oh, so you know him? Obviously, you can’t tell me specifics about the case but, might I ask, who is it?”

“Duncan Shepherd.”

You and Duncan ran in the same circles ever since your rise to power in the world of law so you’d been around each other more times than you’d like to admit. You couldn’t forget the first time you met – it was an opening for an art gallery where he gave you nothing but grief about being married all the while trying to win you over. It was almost like he forgot you were a lawyer who was well-versed in reading people. That, or he just didn’t care. Duncan did like a challenge.

Michael stays silent, making an oh face. He knew exactly from your recollection of stories and meetings what Duncan was like. Being the best of the best when it came to your profession had its perks but it also had its downfalls, like old men trying to buy their way into spending a night with you or pretty boys with more money than sense.

You’d represented your fair share of guilty people in passing but never one who got on your nerves as much as Duncan did. Maybe it was his comment about Michael being a “ball and chain” for you that did it, or perhaps it was more than that.

“I get the feeling you’re going to need something stronger than just a cocktail, I’ll be right back.”

*

As your eyes are scanning over the photographs on the mantelpiece waiting for Michael to return, there’s one that takes your interest and sends you headfirst into the throes of nostalgia.

It was from the engagement party where one of your best friends had styled you - she’d commissioned a very famous designer to create a black, cinch-waisted dress with a sweetheart neckline. Oh, you felt so glamorous and had no idea what life had planned for you following that night.

You smile to yourself when remembering how adamant she was for you to have curls and for them to be done by her; she spent what felt like hours perfecting them. The makeup was polished off with a deep plum coloured lipstick and she’d joked about how you looked like her very own masterpiece. Completely biased though because she’d always reiterate her belief that you didn’t need makeup since you possessed such natural beauty.

Your heart feels as if it has sunk to your feet when you recall what else happened. How could you forget? The joy of that evening fell short when your mother decided to pull you aside and snap, asking why you felt the need to dress the way you did. She was referring to how dark your dress and makeup were, because in her mind her own flesh and blood should take after her, dressing in shades of salmon and lilac. Sadly, it wasn’t the first time she’d called you out like this and it wouldn’t be the last.

Her serpent-like mouth had bitten you one too many times and now, older and wiser, your heart had become cold towards her. Every person you meet remarks about how your parents must be so proud of you and you want to laugh in their faces and admit the truth – that your father is nowhere to be found and your mother will never be satisfied with anything you do. It’s as if you were an aversion to her eyes as well because she was constantly telling you that no man would ever love you if you were to dress like you’re always going to a funeral. Even Michael professing his love in front of the room full of people wasn’t enough.

*

Either Michael must have been stealth-like or you were too engrossed in what you were thinking about because you didn’t hear the bottle of vodka on the table nor did you hear him come up behind you. The fixation on your younger self in the picture was interrupted by the feeling of his arms encasing you and the warmth of his chin resting on your exposed shoulder. “What are you doing?”

You point to the photograph, pained with a longing in that moment for how things used to be. Before law school, before all of this stress, before Duncan fucking Shepherd came into your life.

“This simultaneously feels like a lifetime ago yet so recent I can almost taste the entrees we ate that night. She’s ruined so many things. It was the beginning of some of the best things to happen to me,” you look down at the diamond ring on your finger before continuing, “But when I get like this, I’m reminded of her disapproval. Life would be much easier if my father didn’t decide to abandon me and leave me with her.”

“M/N is and will always be jealous of you, Y/N. You looked radiant that night and she was just projecting her own insecurities onto you. Do you remember the day we were introduced? I was wearing god knows what but I will never forget the sight of you in those ripped black jeans and boots. It gave me a raging hard-on to see you dressed like that. You’re even more beautiful now because you’re my wife.” He squeezes his arms around you in comfort before continuing, “Let’s forget about that and focus on something else. You’ve had enough drama for one day. Work was hard, wasn’t it? I think I know a way we can relieve some of this pent up energy.” As he’s talking, the bulge trapped in his pants is pushed into your ass and all of a sudden you become distracted.

You place the now empty glass beside the photo in question and guide a hand upwards to stroke at Michael’s face. You knew what he wanted but decided to play along, questioning him in a coy voice, “Oh? And what might that be, Mr. Langdon?”

Michael’s unwraps himself from you, positioning his hands on your hips and caresses your lower back. “Maybe we can go to the bedroom and I can fuck the frustration out of you.”

/

Hands are travelling up your sides to meet at the top of the zipper, pushing your locks over to one side. “Let me.” The slider glides down, parting the teeth and allows the dress to fall to the floor. He touches his lips on the curve of where your shoulder meets your arm; he’s planting kisses on your skin while eager fingers are unhooking the clasp on your bra.

By now you’re standing only in a small pair of underwear and the moment you turn around Michael snatches you up; hands digging into the flesh of your ass. He’s smirking in enjoyment, almost salivating at the thought of what next comes out.

“I was thinking about you in that pretty red dress of yours I like at work today. You’re innocently knocking files off my desk as you’re trying to place them in front of me like a clumsy little girl. You’re bending over to grab them but your feet are apart enough so everything is exposed…” he pulls you in even closer before continuing, lowly growing in thirst, “…and it’s obvious to see your slit is glistening for me; ready to be fucked.”

If you didn’t know you were alive before, you sure knew now because you feel your heart quicken and nostrils becoming flared as you expel out hot breaths of want. Those few words forced you into a state of submission - one where you’d do anything no questions asked.

Your mouths meet in what starts off as a slow, loving kiss but quickly transforms into a salacious mess; lips turning red, swollen, and spit covered. Both of you were becoming drunk on the other. He instructs you to get on the bed and you follow through without hesitation.

*

With eyes glued to him, you watch as he’s sitting on a chair nearby undoing his tie. You become occupied with the thought of how you’d rather them around your throat than loosening the item of fabric he now throws on the ground. Michael teases in the hopes it’ll set you off by warning not to get too excited because he’s staying dressed for what he has planned.

He was right to think that way because with his comment you transform into a brat, rolling your eyes and whining, “Can you not? You’re strangely looking like Duncan did earlier.”

Michael reaches down to untie his shoes and every now and then looks up at you and the only reaction to your words is a silent smile; one that said you just wait. Once his shoes are off, he walks over to the bed and towers above you, asserting you in dominance. He grabs your face in a hand and breaks his reticence, telling you, “I think you’re forgetting who makes the rules.”

In the blink of an eye, Michael has ripped off your underwear and runs a single finger up your slit to feel the slick leaking from your folds. You’re ignorant enough not to realise Michael wasn’t the only reason your body was behaving this way. He, however, does know and pushes your thighs apart to see what he’s dealing with. Tips of his digits are drawing shapes against your bud - you think he’s letting them wander aimlessly but Michael was actually spelling out the word Duncan.

“Duncan really makes you mad, doesn’t he?” Michael teases with words laminated in a devilish tone. He could see how you were visibly responding to him and it drove him wild. Michael noticed at the mention of Duncan’s name you did jerk your legs shut but there was a brief moment where you bucked your hips and Michael could read between the lines; he knew precisely what it meant, even before you did.

Forceful hands pry your legs apart as if to say I’m the one who is in charge and when he begins to touch you again, he changes it up and uses all four fingers. The blood rushes in between your legs, swirling around and causing tumescence in your loins.

“He makes you red hot, doesn’t he?” The deliverance of those two words made you wonder if he was insinuating something entirely different. Something that you’d never considered until now. Maybe your brain had kept this revelation hidden away until Michael decided to open your eyes to it. Maybe, just maybe, this was for your own benefit because there’s no way you would have willingly accepted your own want for him of all people.

Michael slips two of those four fingers inside, curling around and massaging your soft spot in a continuous but inviting come here movement. Not leaving any part ignored, he light grazes his thumb against the surface of your already stimulated bud and it makes you writhe around in pleasure. All attempts at trying to keep composed and innocent fail as your words become broken and you’re a stuttering mess, “W-w-what a-are yo-o-ou d-d-doing?”

Then suddenly, an unfamiliar feeling washes over you and you’re not sure if you like it but you have no choice because it’s consuming you; the want need for Duncan to be committing unspeakable acts against your body. Michael’s almost gagging over you coming undone from a few simple wo­rds and figures it’s the perfect time to take himself out of his pants knowing you’d be pathetic and desperate for a cock inside you.

*

The old adage goes “silence is golden” but this was the exact opposite. You needed something to stop you dissipating into the fever that was burning deep within your core. You wanted to snuff out the fire inside because you had absolutely no idea how you were going to work with this lingering.

Michael positions his body between your legs to stroke the head of his throbbing cock against your slit, mixing what was leaking out of himself with your own wetness. He takes it up a notch by sliding in a minuscule amount and taunting you, with words like you know, your body is giving me the answers your mouth wouldn’t dare speak.

His icy blues are locked onto you as he pushes past your entrance, gauging your reaction while giving you more of the thing you yearned for. Michael’s having too much fun being a tease but it becomes too much and you spit angst at him, “Can’t you just fuck me already?”

Michael provokes you even further and suggests, “If you want it so bad, why don’t you just behave and bend over the bed like a good girl. Bad girls don’t get what they want.”  He knew what being called a good girl did to you and used it to his full advantage whenever you were in a state like this.

You don’t know whether to laugh or feel bad that this exact situation was what Duncan had predicted at that party. Goosebumps hit your skin as you can hear him. “I can already see it now – one day you’ll be bent over a bed, pussy soaked with your own filth and you’ll be begging for him to fuck you when really you wish it was me.”

And that’s exactly what is happening. You were bent over and beginning to be fucked, like a cock-deprived slut. It was more than just your usual lust over Michael but it also included being wrecked and ruined by Duncan, and you hated yourself for it.

“If you really do want this, there’s only one thing I want in return.” Michael tells you, rubbing a hand over your ass, “I want you to tell me exactly why he’s so bad. I want you to feel it.”

“Duncan Shepherd is a sanctimonious, smug asshole. He thinks he’s a hot piece who can get whatever he wants whenever he wants. He-“

Your outburst is interrupted by Michael moving back inside. You’re wondering when he’s going to fuck the neediness out of you because he was deliberately holding back and moving very slowly. “Keep going. Remember, I want you to feel it.”

“He always thinks he can do whatever the fuck he wants and not get away with it. This is why I’m stuck with him, because of his actions, and now I have to see him every single day until this damn trial is over and done with.”

There it is, your distaste for him. You thought it was stronger than the urges that reverberated throughout your body. The truth is you wanted to fuck Duncan out of hatred, then make him watch as you fuck Michael out of adoration, and for both men to pour load after load into your open mouth; deep down your willing throat. You wanted to be defiled but only by your own control.

Michael’s hands are gripping into your thighs to say your body is mine and he picks up his pace. He grunts, “More. Tell me more. Feed it to me, baby.”

“He’s such a pig. He treats me like I should beg to be the ground he’s walking on. Remember his ex? She said he’s so vain that he likes to fuck in front of a mirror so he can watch himself.”

Your pussy twitches at the very clear image in your head of him pounding away at you like he did with her, almost as if it had happened in real life. Were you jealous? You couldn’t deny that Duncan was hot, because he was, but he knew it. You also knew that he’d be good in bed despite the disgusting ego. The thoughts of being used and abused by a man like this, specifically Duncan, drove you mad in every way possible.

“Do you ever think it’s because he wants to fuck you?”

That slight twitch turns into a full-on throb and every muscle within the confines of your cunt begin to tighten around Michael’s cock – your body growing unfaithful with its admission of the things you were trying to remain tight-lipped about. It’s one thing to find someone attractive but it’s another entirely for it to be someone you’ve spent years loathing. Duncan was everything you couldn’t stand in a man yet your entire existence was begging to be destroyed by him.

“My bet is he’d like to turn you into an incoherent mess. His hand is probably lathered in fake slick right now and he’s fucking himself to the thought of you in the dress you wore today.”

Your knees were growing weak and you were barely holding on. You being sent in a direction you’d never been before. Before tonight, Michael was the only thought and person which brought you pleasure in all the ways. The truth was that Michael wanted you to feel this. He secretly had lusted after this for so long and now he finally got his chance.

And that’s when it came. The words that would tear you in two, causing the same reaction in your body akin to a dam bursting its banks.

“I can guarantee that Duncan would love to be here right now, seeing your pussy full with this cock and us taking turns on you all night, filling every hole.”

Michael was the filthiest and there was no doubt about that but it’s as if the events of tonight had given you a key to a hidden lock inside him – you opened it and it unleashed something wild and untamed. His mouth and his member cause you to explode as if you’re a supernova; stars littering your vision as evidence of the intensity.

A lustful growl emits from Michael’s lungs as you drop to the mattress, knees weakened completely. “I knew exactly what that meant.”

It seems like your climax transforms him into some other being. He begins pounding away at you mercilessly, throwing caution into the wind and slamming his body into yours like he was trying to punish you for thinking such dirty thoughts.

Michael’s positioned now with his torso against your back, taking in your mixed scent of perfume and sweat. He thrusts a few more times and you both cry out in enjoyment – you’re still swimming in the pool of your orgasm and he meets you there, unloading himself inside your pussy. Once the last drop is spilt he rolls off your body and onto his back.

He breathlessly throws an idea at you, “Maybe we should make our own game, Y/N. Duncan Shepherd needs to atone for his sins of the flesh. You should play with him, make him bend to you however you see fit, and, when the time is right then we can take it even further. There are only two rules.”

“Which are?”

“Number one, have fun. Number two, fill me in on everything. Also, remember, it’s Duncan.”

You knew what it’s Duncan meant because you knew Michael all too well. It meant don’t worry, nobody is going to believe someone as manipulative as him if he tries anything.

You didn’t care. Your impulses took over and you agreed to his game, asking when you were to start.

“Tomorrow.”

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