#me: this sucks i wish it would change
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going to see hadestown (or possibly mean girls, depends on what we can get tickets for) w my friend tomorrow and i can’t wait to rant to her about the same thing i ranted to her about months ago and once again ignore the very solid advice she’ll give bc i also ignored it months ago 🥹
#me: this sucks i wish it would change#my friends: hey have you maybe considered doing this…#me: no ❤️
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MOMMY SORRY MOMMY SORRY MOMMY-😳
my soul is all yours 😳👉👈
#this design for her#gggggodss marceline as a proper antagonist....#perhaps step upon me just maybe???#suck my soul out???#demolish me entirely???#WAIT WHATS GONNA happen to baby Finn??? 👀 is he gonna become a vampire too & become a vampire vampire slayer or something?#I would LOVe a vampire Finn design- show me him!#I thought hunson abadeer was gonna be the ruler but no its the lion guy! wish the crown changed his appearance though im ngl#that was the one part that was a bit dissapointing#seeing her holding down PB like that had me like 'god I wish that were me'#seems like lion man adopted her instead of Simon in this universe & that he stole the crown? would love to see someone speculate on the AUs#mine#op#adventure time spoilers#adventure time#adventure time fionna and cake#fionna and cake#marceline#marceline abadeer#marceline the vampire queen
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i love how my transition goals have shifted from skinny white twink with fluffy hair to big indigenous grill dad bear. truly a win for gender
#no shade to my skinny white twinks with fluffy hair out there#if you’re gendering it up like that more power to you#just as someone who will never be a skinny white twink my mindset shifting has been so much healthier for me#being a young trans kid in middle school and thinking i HAD to embody a stereotype to be seen as valid#it sucked#because that was all the rep i saw and tbh nothing has really changed on that front and i wish it would#it took a lot of inner healing to get me to where i’m at now as a college student#and now i’m growing my hair out again and i’m more comfortable in the body i have and it’s been so affirming#yapping#transgender#ftm#transmasc#trans man#trans#trans joy
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i have no friends who care about me because my personality is boring and understimulating and i have no selling point as a friend and i am being left behind
#negative.#sometimes it’s like. oh i wish people liked me as much as i like them. lmao.#‘we should hang out!!’ ‘we should call!!’ ‘we should play a game!!’ okay but please actually do it :((#i feel like i take so much time to show love and care but maybe i’m doing it wrong?? do i seem fake?? is there something off putting??#i need better friends both online and offline because i’m socially starved#w the exception of like. two people??#every time i try it devolves into generic small talk#and there’s that autistic feeling that i’m saying everything wrong. i’m doing it wrong. they’re giving me that look or their text format#has changed and i’m being wrong#i can’t break out of it. i’ve just stopped reaching out these past couple months and like. genuinely no one said a thing#can anyone please show that they even think about me. like. god.#i go through hell every single fucking day and i have attempted suicide more times in the last year than the last decade#i’m not seeking attention i just?? would love for someone to give a single fuck for once. oh god.#the csa trauma that was triggered this year has been eating me whole. no one knows and no one cares to know#i’ve told two people now total now. even as i’m telling them it feels like i’m dumping it on them and making them uncomfortable#i regret telling one of them. my closest irl friend. god. should’ve kept it in. i can’t stop doing everything wrong.#anyways. i think…. i am going to go cry for a while lmao#man this sucks. mannnnnn this sucks#anyways.txt#(not a vague. never a vague)
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rereading your own fics to see where you left off is tough bc i just reread it and now i want to delete the whole chapter?? would people even notice that a chapter is missing?? or would it collective fever dream??
#or maybe it's 5am and im about to make a bad decision#maybe it's just late and im Stressed#maybe it's just late#maybe i just need some sleep#which sucks bc sleep is v hard to obtain rn#and it makes me wanting to Delete things a lot stronger#gaaahhhhhhh#i wish i was better at writing sometimes#not to make this a self pity thing but it just feels like my writing is Objectively bad and i need to work on it#and i will#but i've also written half this fic in my shorty ass writing style and changing it now would be worse#aaaaaaaaaaaaa#i'm also hungry ggrip#mae's rambles#mae's life updates
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buttered noodles 💫💛🍜
#just me hi#it's just a Lot of butter cuz i don't like having pasta sauce w/ parmesan (something wrong w/ that idk hfbshv) so :3#i was thinking of putting garlic in it but idk if that would be good... do i wanna take the risk.. i mean you can't really go wrong with#garlic... Hmmmm....#//oh yea i am definitely gonna switch up my main blog theme ehe :3#and maybe my rb blog's theme too cuz i liked it when the colours were matching lol#maaaybe to blue.. i don't remember if i've ever had a blue theme so this might be the first blue theme ehe :3#i just like to have an Image for the banner so i need to figure out what i'd like that to be.. hmnmnmnmnm!#//alright you know what i'm gonna put garlic in this one second lolll#okay i put black pepper and garlic in it's not too bad :)#prolly shoulda put more salt in too cuz i'm craving it. salt <3#/having spaghetti cuz the meal is actually supposed to be eggs and i cannot have that lol#some people are upset about this! like my dad. and my brother who is making the food lmfsh#i didn't know food was being made i am innocent in this !! probably anyway#like nobody is more displeased by this than me dude. i wish people could actually like. describe what some foods taste like so that i could#actually see why they like them#but you ask and they say 'what are you talking about? it's just egg' but 'Just Egg' SUCKS dude what is Your Egg like. pretty please kfshvjg#and grapefruit? grapefuit sucks but my mom likes it and i can't understand Why#and i wanna ask what it's actually like and why she likes it but she only says 'idk it's good with salt' what does that MEAN#how does the taste change?? how would you describe it before that ? clearly it was good enough before the salt or you wouldn't have tried i#with that!! i just wanna know !!!!!#dark chocolate ?? Please ??? do you like the taste of restrained anger and resentment cuz that's what it tastes like lmao ???#Coffee ??????? i can't understand coffee without a bajillion tons of sugar (+ other things) masking the taste how do you. Deal#not even deal- Enjoy !! how are you enjoying it !!! Why !!!! and why does everyone think i'm trying to convince them it's bad when i ask#LMAO--#like i'm not trying to say it's bad i'm trying to figure out how it's good please. Please Man lmfvshjfvhgfks#okay so clearly i have thoughts on all that LMfvshgjhfs#bitter stuff sucks and i barely like sour stuff Sometimes. food is all around good though so lol 👍#//alr i'm gonna. [starts scooching away]#i am almost out of tags (rip unlimited tags i miss you so bad hfsvh <3) edit: i ran out LMFVHS ; TOODLES !!
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it’s really sad that i always looked forward to rhaenyra and/or alicent scenes last season but i now feel the urge to fast forward every time one of them comes on screen
- every alicent scene is her looking sad or crying or her with cole but nothing she does adds anything of value to the plot
- we get the same black council scene in which the men are undermining rhaenyra twice per episode and still nothing is done (i do believe she will make some progress in the next episodes but it’s just so boring to watch her have the same scene over and over again)
cersei and dany i miss you both so much
#and there are other characters in the show that are so much more interesting but but don’t get the screen time they deserve#and i know that they’re women and they have to face these struggles for it to be realistic but they did that last season too and they found#a way for it to not be repetitive#but rhaenyra just being so soft and always looking for peace is just so frustrating especially after how season 2 ended up#and obviously she’s the rightful heir and the better option for the iron throne but oh my god they have made her character so uninteresting#to watch#and i really liked rhaenyra in s1 and i thought she had a lot of potential as a character#in a show where the majority of the characters are supposed to be morally grey (even if done clumsily) she doesn’t stand out#and what has become of alicent is worse because she’s not even doing anything anymore but she’s still being forced into the story#with random plot lines#i wish they would just let the characters be and give them as much screen time as they need#and i don’t want to watch a show about good team vs bad team i wish they have given rhaenyra more complexity#because even though aegon sucks and they made him the worse thing a person can be and unredeemable#i am unfortunately not bored whenever he is onscreen#and i think so far they have established that the targaryens suck so many times even if they do good things every once in a while#aegon sucks viserys sucks aemond sucks dany sucks daemon sucks#all of them to different extents and in different ways ofc#but let my girl rhaenyra suck a little too because she deserves it 😫#she lost her father her son her daughter her throne let her be a little more like she was in the book#she was not a saint and her character deserves to not be reduced to being a good peaceful queen#hotd negativity#anti hotd#i must also say that i am a casual fan im not here to make analysis of the characters or discuss whether plot lines from the book should#have been changed#im not watching the show critically and this is just something i have noticed and has bothered me every time a new episode drops
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THIS IS GONNA SOUND SO MEAN BUT WHY DO U LIKE RYO AOKI/MASATO
masato hot
#snap chats#just like me... heh ... my ac has been broken all month im melting for the love of god send an iceberg im begging you#him turning into aoki is incredibly funny to me like jesus christ. what a lack of self love does to a mfer#but anyway 1.) please do not yell i scare easy 2.) meaner has been said its ok 3.) very reasonable to ask why anyone would like aoki#and 4.) to be Cereal he's inch resting to me. also his speech to ichi at the end hit a lil close and i was reminded of high school#5.) i really like his eng dub voice sorry im american. BUT HIS JP VOICE IS EXCELLENT TOO IM JUST SAYIN#rgg doesnt give an Exact on his disability so looking into lung diseases/conditions has also been interesting#esp post-lung surgery cases and care too so i thank rgg for the opportunity to do some reading#i also do In General just like cases of someone wanting to be loved and changing drastically to get it only to still be unhappy#granted. he sucks so LMAO can only have so much sympathy but it's still interesting to watch#the arakawas is also a part of why i like him because they all work as a big machine. if that makes sense#like the arakawas in general are such an interesting bundle i love all of them a lot because of what they mean to each other#in the case of aoki none of them mean anything to him at most resenting arakawa and despising ichi#meanwhile sawashiro's just. There LOL im so sorry king thats the truth of it all ... i love you tho ...#oh but back to aoki. i also really like politican characters- or at least characters who can have a 'public' persona#its fun thinking about what they have to do mentally to present themselves in public versus when they can 'be themselves'#like aoki's 'intro' scene where he's pleasant to his secretary and then a second later is conniving with ogasawara... peak i fear#OR THEEEE CAR PARK ONE i love that scene so much ...#very fun.. aoki being a politician just makes it infinitely funnier like guys we gotta bully the governor#plus i live and breathe by a glass analysis/comparison a twitter mutual of mine did ... i love glass imagery .......#uhhhh is that all ... idk prob im literally sweating my skin off i cant think right. my clothes are sticking to my skin i hate summer#i dont hate summer im so sorry i didnt mean it .... summer is beautiful .. i just wish this heat wasnt murdering me
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One day I will learn, that just because the bottle is low, does not mean I need to finish off the bottle.
#imma be so fuckin hungover tomorrow#someone should kiss me#and i moght be either asexual or aromantic or both which like woo thats funny to only me for so many trauma reasons#i love#im so drunk#i too drunk#i stated typing thos at 12:30#imma smoke pot after i post this#if your reqding my tags hi i love you. why are you reading this though like im a schizo bipolar depreased trans girl im unhinged in the tags#i need to stop drinking by myself#if think im an alcoholic as well if it wasnt for the fact that i can genuinely stop when ever i want but idkmaybe that changes?#at this point im just typing to annoy myself cause i think its funny to annoy other people and itd be hypothetical to not annoy myself#im ramblimg in the tags and honestly its your fault for still reading this#trans thought time#i wish i was born with a pussy but i do like having a cock and there is a possibility im genderfluid and fuck me that sucks if true#like how do you transition if your genderfluid? like i kinda want a cock and pussy and i know thats an actual option#but is it the right option?#i hate being trans but not knowing what kinda trans maybe ill hit where im at with my gender and just say tranny#cause i already say faggot for my sexuality instead of anything specific maybe i should just say tranny#this is probably what a therapist is for but idk if i can justify paying for this instead of saving money to buy a hoise#america sucks#capitalism sucks#love is such a bullshit thing#how can i be in love with some ane be in love with someone. being in love is nothing but selfish but also you have to be selfish for youryou#like i know that doesn't make sense sense but it makes sense to me and i also know its wrong#maybe i should give up and spend money on a therapist#i love my freinds and would sacrifice myself for them literally#12:51 and i have one more short tag to add#i hope you didnt read this far cause even in a drunk state this tag is embarrassing and im sorry you know me irl im sorry this is rambly+ugh#but if you dead read all the tags <3 i love yoh and would die for you
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it sucks to have no one to talk about the big emotions to because they're either too close to you or too far away... i simply don't know how to cope with real life and i don't know how people do
#my guess is everyone fakes it until they die and they don't center their entire lives on negative emotions and thought patterns but that's#just a guess LMAO#i think i lost the genetic lottery and not bc i'm ugly or anything like that like i could care less whether i'm seen as ugly or pretty atp#but just like. mentally. i wasn't given a great hand... which sucks because otherwise i think my family is fine but we all wind each other#up in the worst ways and i know all that it would take to change my current horrible ugly thought patterns is to slowly change my life#likeeee trust me... i'm trying... but it's so so hard when you feel grief for every little change#which is why i think i'm not equipped for real life. imagine what'll happen when the ppl i love the most leave me. bc i always imagine it#which is stupid because i know it's because they're all i have! my life is so small the only thing that exists within it is my loved ones!#they would suffocate under the weight of my love for them if i was able to show it better lmao :/ probably good that i can't bc i'd be in#tears near-constantly if so. and i hate crying in front of people#i mean i hate crying period which is totally great for my emotional regulation i assure you#idk... i know the world isn't 'supposed' to be easy#that's a concept our entire universe doesn't understand#the only things that are real are life and death and how you get from one to the other#but. still. i just wish i didn't have such a hard to being alive#ik i complain abt this shit everyday LMAO but it's hard not to when you have nothing else to think about#tbh i get why people work and have families and stuff now. when you have all that practical stuff to think about#you don't have time to be constantly in your head about every horrible possibility. unless of course you're me who couldn't get out#of my own head even when i had a full-time job... is there any actual way to get better? sometimes i feel like it's a myth
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finished my second stp playthrough!
i loved this one too it had a slope of redemption which i really liked and that made the ending really sweet
the only part i disliked is that i chickened out when i got the nightmare (it wasn't what i wanted to get i didn't think it would actually let me run away lmao) and just turned around and ended up getting the denial achievement, which is fine but i kinda wish i got the razor instead she would've fit into the story better i think
the vessels i did get are as follows! first i got the adversary which i loved she is definitely one of my favourites, then i got the fury which i quite liked, i was aiming for apotheosis but i did it wrong oops, then i got the drowned grey which im gonna be so real i completely forgot i was sitting here so confused like which one did i miss?? then i got the princess and the dragon which i loved so so much that was such a cute route absolute cutiepie, and finally i got thorn! i love thorn she's a favourite for sure, i did the romance route and it's so sweet <33
i was kind of a bitch to the shifting mound but like im not a fan of shifty LMAO it was my plan to go with her but i couldn't do it i just don't want to 😭 so i ran away with the princess again! im glad i did because i got to see how different the dialogue is if you started out with violence, it felt like a really fitting end so im happy with it!
obligatory wife photos <333333
#i really wasn't in the mood to play nightmare lmao#ive been on edge and anxious recently i cannot handle jumpscares and shit 😭#im not happy i bailed though that kinda sucked#i do wish i did something else#but you can't change it!#and that's okay :)#i forgot to mention nightmare was the second one i got#which i promptly ran away from lmaoo#it's kinda hilarious actually#going from running away to slaying a god#i kinda love that ngl#currently my favourite princesses are#witch thorn adversary and princess and the dragon#also tower i love tower#im not sure if i will play again#i might not#at least not for a while#trying to unlock everything and get every achievement isn't really how i like to play games#idk its just not my vibe but we'll see#there are more i want to see that i haven't yet#like i haven't seen apotheosis or burned grey before#i would also like to do wraith den beast and wild#im not sure i want to do burned grey ngl i think i would cry 😭#can you do beast den and wild all in one playthrough?? i would imagine you can only do one#there are enough vessels i would like to see for me to play again#i think i'll take a break though#i don't want to speed through everything at once then never touch it again#since im not planning on 100% it#ANYWAY i have yapped so much that's enough#I LOVE THE PRINCESS!!!!
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it is utterly miserable for a mediocre show to have a really good plot or make god tier parallels or connections because you're like well this show isn't good and the writing is flimsy and there are so many holes and bland storylines, but they paralleled the season finale to an earlier season finale and then made the weight of that decision foundational to the next season so now my every waking thought is consumed by it
#liveblogging: supernatural#i'm shaking and trembling as the horrors consume me#season 9 was so lacking for it to have been so significant and insane#sam's CHOICE he CHOSE dean. he CHOSE codependency. he CHOSE love for his brother above ALL ELSE#and then season 10 kicks off with all of that CRASHING DOWN AROUND HIM#1. he can't save his brother 2. his brother hates him 3. he's having all his shortcomings thrown in his face#he gave up EVERYTHING for dean in the s9 finale. and then dean TURNS INTO A DEMON#this show is not good. the writing isn't good. technically speaking. there are so many plot holes. senseless retcons. underexplored ideas#it's flimsy and weak and poorly paced and developed#and then they throw THIS SHIT into it#like WHAT am i supposed to do. WHAT am i supposed to feel#season 9 sucked but it changed the trajectory of my life forever. HOW do i cope with that#i wish demon dean would kill ME with a hammer so i didn't have to sit here and stew in my feelings. over this season 8-10 insanity#supernatural goes TOO HARD for having such mediocre writing. i'm going to light myself on fire#.txt
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That moment when you so badly want to message them , get in touch again, but you know it would only complicate things and in the best case only prolong the inevitable breakdown of the relationship anyway
I feel like a fucking necromancer trying to convince themselves it is a bad idea to try to raise their dead lover(they are resting in peace and there is nothing to resolve. They just miss their lover)
#necromancer#necromancy#grief#hhhhhhh#i just miss them#but I know I miss someone who doesn’t even exist anymore#they’ve probably changed so much#sucks ass to miss someone who doesn’t exist anymore :(#but I’m so curious#how they’re all doing without me#if they miss me like I miss them#if they think about me#even if just from time to time#or if they’ve completely moved on#or if they never cared in the first place#or if I’ve been replaced#not necessarily a bad thing#I just wonder if my general role in the friend group was taken up by someone else#a stupid stupid bitter and angry and jealous part of me secretly wishes that the whole group slowly disintegrated#that I was somehow the glue holding em all together#probably not though#hopefully#not#that would just add to the list of things I’ve done to hurt#asher's ramblings
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i have Thoughts
#just me hi#i'm gonna ramble now check this out Lmaoo:#ofc any major belief built on hating someone sucks. like fundamentally#and mostly the idea is that you would be protecting yourself and the Similar-to-yous (which is U-2.0)#and it's confusing like. what do you get out of this ?#ik there's the satisfaction. the deep feeling of security you get in your stomach believing that you're right and your anger is purifying#that you're somehow anointed for persecution by Words and Actions you see through the other side of a water glass#and i don't know what i'm tryna say. i'm confused hjfshvgh#of course there's fear. there's a lot of fear. but it's very selfish fear. the kind that makes you protect others because they're Just like#you#and i dunno. what's the point ? so you hate somebody. that's cool :)#how can you love people then. do you love people because they are people or because they have faces you wish you had ? or you can see faces#on them that may not be there ? or they say your face can be like theirs if you only try and never stray ? or that you've had this face all#along. why change? you can't change it's wrong#i dunno man. this makes no sense !!#isn't it always scary to hate everything ? i know it is#like yes the world hates everyone anyway but what is special about that ? what makes this fear worth so much more than another person ?#i dunnooooooo ♪#maybe im just naive! but holding onto somethin like that until you find solace in misery is no way to be baby! i'm gonna go eat snow outsid#//anywhoooooooooo i AM drawing. and that IS in fact a lie i've been procrastinating on it for some timeeeeeeeeeee ggoroughhhhhhhhhhhh LMAO#i don't wanna :( but i REALLY wanna you get what i'm sayin hfshjgjfsh#it could be so easy.. life could be a dream life could be a dream... doo doo doo doo ba dee...... ♪#i need to find an animal for this though and i don't wanna 😔 i do hate this part of the process jfhgfjghjsf#don't like.. researching animals..... it's Not fun lol#but i must prevail. because it's inevitable that i do :/ oh wells#so i'm gonna GO and watch my VIDEO and have a SNACK and DRAW :33 because i WANNA. okey doke hjfshgs#TOODLES 💫💥#//edit: also lowkey i feel like hate is too weak word for this kinda thing ykno? like damn what's got the gates of hell open dude chill Lol#okay BYEEE
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I hate being who I am sometimes. I hate that I am ace, but that I longing for to be someone special person. But many people expect you to be romanticaly involved with them, and if they cannot be that, many times people who i thoughs to be my good friends left me and act like a strangers. One person straight up ignored my existence.
I hate myself being stuck in a cement because it seem like everybody move, grown while I still wondering what happened. Missing and overthinking memories that people might not even think about anymore.
It suck. Because there is no one to blame than me. If I get angry, sad, petty because of not me understanding where stuff got wrong/change it is my fault.
I hate myself and sometimes I wish I would rather pretent I am someone else than seeing another change.
#dont get me wrong change is gonna happen one way or the other#world is changing people you#everything#doesnt mean it doesnt suck tho#but person have to respect stuff and let go and continue even when its different#even when you expected to go walk the path with some people#it might / will chanhe#anyway#sorry for the vent#at this point i feel i am just botheing my friends so (even when they might say i dont) tumblr page it is#crying myself to sleep and awaken crying is bleh#wish i would say crying helps but boy it never does and it is most of the time worst than good#bad english#but i dont care
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i hate that i always get frustrated all the time.. im unable to enjoy my hobbies or going out with friends.. it's like im very much obliged to programming all day and i dont have any life outside it i hate it honestly
#not to blame my college but it's literally the very reason i started working all by my own limiting any social interactions and hobbies#yet i dont even feel like im going anywhere with this i feel so fucking shitty all the time it sucks#all because i fucking hate this college and this fucking course and i just want to get out of this hellhole i dont belong here#if only i could start over from high school again if only i got my shit figured out back then#if only i had a better mentor who would help me with my entrance test prep...#i wish i didn't trust those asshole hs teachers they literally fucked my life over.. all they care about is how much paid they're getting..#..and not how much they're teaching their students.. fucking assholes i hope y'all burn in hell i hope you guys get what you fucking deserve#for fucking over lives of several students like me just for money#well... just gonna cry myself to sleep now what else can i do#i cant change the past anymore better work towards the future
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