#me: choosing to believe these being shared means something

[silverandebony]

oh hey trauma surrounding watching other people eat while you, if you're very lucky, get something approximately equivalent, but more realistically either get something significantly worse or have to provide your own unappetizing food. what's up, i didn't miss you

[unkownknowledge]

I love people claiming to represent me saying my identity is a kink

[textmel8r]

[ DRABBLE ] 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 ! ( tenth installment ) in which you find toji fushiguro’s number off a sugar baby site .

୨୧˚ part; one. two. three. four. five. six. seven. eight. nine. ten. eleven.

୨୧˚ incl; toji fushiguro

୨୧˚ cw; sugar mommy! reader , sugar baby! toji , profanity , prostitution , drug and alcohol abuse , smut , allusions to hypersexuality , bisexual! toji

୨୧˚ an; okay there is seriously something wrong with my ability to tag people, certain blog names don’t come up when i search them it’s pissing me offfff SO SORRY if you’re on the tag list and you didn’t get tagged😣

୨୧˚ join my discord server ! we share headcanons, fanfic recs, color roles, and more drooling emoji

Thunderous bangs against his apartment’s front door rouse Toji from comatose. He wakes with a sharp inhale, eyes screwing shut because the sunlight that flooded through the bars of his dusty blinds singed his retinas. There’s a beat of silence, one that makes Toji believe his guest has walked off, and he cuddles back into the sofa with solid intentions of returning to dream state, however those plans go up in flames when more aggressive knocking chimes. The man groans, fingers clawing into the scrappy throw pillow his face is currently buried into. 

“Fuck off!” Toji growls. His voice is muffled and crackling with excess exhaustion. He is so not in the mood for company right now. 

“Fushiguro cut the shit, I’m not playing with you today.” Ugh, that voice. “Open the damn door, don’t make me bust it down.”

More pounding, and the rusty hinges creak from the pressure of it. Given no other choice, Toji peels himself off his crappy little couch and sits for a moment, dragging a heavy hand down his face. There’s a half empty can of Coke perched on the coffee table, amongst a plethora of other trash, and Toji snags it. It’s lost carbonation, totally flat and lukewarm, but it satiates his thirst good enough. 

The knob twists, clinking against the lock impatiently. “Untwist your panties, I’m comin’,” He barks before muttering Jesus Christ under breath. It’s no surprise to see Shiu Kong when he draws open his door, standing erect with his arms crossed in irritation. Toji scowls, “what do you want?”

Shiu knocks shoulders to his when he grants himself entrance, much to Toji’s chagrin. “So you are alive?”

“Still kickin’, yeah.”

Shiu stands in the middle of the living room, flitting over the unkempt scene. It’s a mess, littered with crushed cans and hollowed take-out boxes and dirty laundry. Heavy glass bottles lined the floor near the sofa, some filled halfway with translucent, amberish liquid, some bone dry. “I see you been busy,” the man inquired, sarcastic as all Hell. 

Toji sighs. “Yep.”

“You should crack a window or something, man. It reeks like the inside of a flask in here.”

“I’ll do that,” no he won’t, “what do you want?”

Shiu scoffs at his gall, but Toji wants him out of his place as soon as possible. He knows why his handler has come to visit, it’s most likely a work thing. Fuck work. Fuck Shiu for barging in and interrupting his afternoon nap. Fuck his apartment for being embarrassingly filthy. 

“You’ve been ducking my calls. I don’t appreciate that.”

“Y’know, most people would take that as a sign to fuck off.”

“I’m not most people, though, am I?” He takes a seat on the couch. Toji doesn’t follow suit, choosing to stay leaned against the wall. “I’m technically your superior.”

“You think that title means jack to me?”

Shiu ignores the attitude; he’s used to taking shit from Toji for the better part of a decade now. “It should.” Silence cuts in, and he leans down to pluck one of the thick bottles off the floor by its neck. Liquor sloshes around in the constraint of glass, and Shiu holds it up to the light and skims the label. “This is cheap shit.”

Yeah, it was stupid cheap. Toji swiped it off the clearance rack at the gas station around the corner from his complex. They started tagging the alcohol, made it more difficult to steal, so he exclusively bought the least expensive liquor he could find. “Don’t gotta be smooth. Don’t gotta be much of anything, s’long as it fucks me up.” He didn’t drink rum on a Thursday at 3:42 pm for the taste. 

Shiu hums, looking oddly unnerved. Still holding the bottle, he jerks it up in a slight gesture. “What’s the occasion?” Followed by an awkward chuckle. Toji itches the base of his scalp, pushing down his bed hair. 

“Dunno.”

He was just sort of… regressing. Backsliding into the open arms of his beloved vices. Day drinking again, sloshing himself into liquor-induced unconsciousness that puts him to sleep for days. He starts hitting the casinos more frequently, tapping into poker games and betting away money he doesn’t have because the adrenaline of it all is orgasmic. Drugs have weaved themselves back into Toji’s routine as well; he’s been snorting the pricey shit that gets him numb in the face and leaves that nasty taste dripping in the back of his throat. Shit he hasn’t fucked with since his wife’s death. 

Well, he supposes he’s always been like this. Clinging onto some sort of substance to distract himself from the pain of being alive in a Zenin’s body, no matter how damaging or problematic it may be. His childhood looms over him, even as a grown man, and it’s so terribly pathetic to still be hung up on shit that happened over two decades ago. But he apologetically is. Toji is a pathetic, woeful piece of shit who is forever haunted by memories. 

Distractions. They weren’t always mutilating. Not all of them tore apart his body and soul. Sometimes, they were beautiful. 

His tongue twitches in his mouth, aching to curl around a cigarette. 

Shiu huffs, setting the bottle back down near his feet. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah,” Toji nods curtly, licking at his dry lips. “I’m straight.”

“Right,” his handler responds slowly, entirely unconvinced. “You’ve been skimping out on your assignments. It’s fucking me over, Fushiguro.”

Toji hasn’t taken up a job in nearly three months. Not since the night he left your place and walked home in the pouring rain. It was funny—he hadn’t thought it was a bluff when you threatened to call the police. No, Toji expected his apartment complex to be swarmed with officers when he returned but… nothing besides crickets. That night was seared into his frontal lobe, every motion engraved and vivid behind his eyes. Still soaked to the bone, he melted into the couch and stared up at his water-damaged ceiling for hours before slumber pulled him into its embrace. 

Toji hasn’t slept in his bed since. 

“Oh, so that’s why you came to visit. Boss is cuttin’ your pay with me gone.” Toji smiles bitterly, then juts his lower lip out in a mock pout. “Aww, that must be so hard for you, I’m sorry. You can cry about it on the ride home in your fucking Bentley.”

“Hey asshole, this isn’t just a me thing. Your slacking affects both our paychecks.” Shiu rakes a hand through his gelled do, and Toji is acutely aware of the luxury watch glinting on his wrist. “I mean, shit, where have you even been getting your cash from lately? How have you been keepin’ the lights on in this shithole?”

That last question is a mystery to Toji, as well. Truth is, he hasn’t put a penny towards rent since he came back. Eviction was inevitable, he’d ride out the days he had left and then figure out what to do when he received his week’s notice. Only that pink slip of paper never appeared taped to his door. Surely, you weren’t still covering it… Not with the way you and him ended terms so roughly… But what the fuck else could it be? Toji wanted to ask you about it; wanted to use this entire situation as an excuse to contact you, but he couldn’t muster up the courage and resolve. Talking to you again sounded so fucking sweet, but so, so fucking painful. 

Toji didn’t answer, and Shiu grimaced at his quietness. On the couch, Shiu shifted uncomfortably, leaning forward to rest his elbows over his thighs. “You’re not,” he struggles for a moment to find the words, squinted eyes drilling holes into Toji’s. “Tell me you ain’t whoring again.”

Sex was Toji’s grimiest form of escapism. He started fucking other people again. 

Mostly women, with a few men sprinkled in between. Gender was irrelevant; genitalia didn’t matter much to him in the grand scheme of things, Toji only fucked casually for the sensation of a warm body to hold onto. Vying for satisfaction with a partner, competing for release; it became a damn near nightly procedure at this point. Scouring bars in the dark hours for any willing participant, then fucking one out in the filth of the public restroom. His sweaty back against the stall, or him seated on the lid of a toilet. It was gross, he was gross. 

Again, Toji is silent, and it speaks volumes. “God, man.” Shiu holds his face, pinching his brow bone, maneuvering the muscles in his jaw. He doesn’t sound angry or annoyed, just disappointed, and it makes Toji feel unnaturally immature; like he were a child again, getting a scolding from the family’s housekeeper for accidentally knocking the vase at the center of his dining table over and shattering it on the ground. “That’s—you can’t be doing this again.”

“Yeah well I don’t exactly got the resume for a nine to five, now do I?” He was forever tainted by his past. No employer in the country would hire a man with four jail sentences, drug misdemeanors, battery charges, no education, no work experience… the list of Toji’s fuck ups could fill a dictionary front to back. 

“You cannot go back to that.” Shiu looks pale in the face. I’m making him sick to his stomach. 

“Money is money. Don’t hear you whining when you got me playing assassin for you, but God forbid I suck a coupla’ cocks for cash.” Toji pushes off the wall and stalks towards the tiny kitchenette on the far side of this cramped living space; this conversation is irritating him, he needs something to quell his cotton mouth. “Fix your morals, then we can talk.”

Shiu’s argument was mind numbingly idiotic. Comparing slaughter to sex for money, the absurdity nearly made Toji burst out laughing. Sex never killed anyone. 

He’s rooting around in the fridge. It’s practically bare, housing nothing more than a few take out boxes and some lager, but that’s alright. Toji tears a can of beer from the plastic six-pack ring, and when he pops out from the refrigerator, Shiu stands there with his hip against the small counter. “You’re self-destructing.”

The can cracks open. Beer carbonation pops and hisses. “Am I?” Toji sniggers, tossing back a swig. Shiu’s eyes flit to the beverage, nose wrinkling. Toji catches on and nods to the kitchen sink. It’s full of dirty dishes. “Faucet’s fucked. Water’s full of lead. This is the only drink in the house and I’m thirsty, so hop off.”

“You’re self-destructing,” Shiu repeats once more, not matching Toji’s humorous lilt. “I’m serious, Fushiguro. You’re off.”

“What do you want me to say to that besides fuck you?”

It grows quiet again. The air is warm and thick and rife with apprehension; it presses on Toji’s chest like a sleeping cat. “So what?” Finally, Shiu speaks. “That’s it?”

He shakes his head contentedly. “That’s it.”

“You understand this is going to be Hell for me from now on. You’re the best hired gun on my roster, the boss is gonna have my ass if you quit.” 

Toji takes a long sip of beer. “You’re tough. You can handle it.”

“You’re such an asshole,” Shiu breathes, but there’s no real malice behind his words. “If you’re really serious about quitting, then fine. Fucking fine, I’ll—” He groans, massaging his temple, “I’ll handle it. But I’m telling you, this is the best it gets for guys like us.”

The best it gets is killing men. Leaving wives widowed, leaving kids fatherless. “Can’t be.” Toji feels nauseous at the thought. “There’s gotta be more.” There has to be. It’s the only affirmation that stops him from knocking back the whole bottle of vicodin in his bathroom medicine cabinet and calling it a night. 

“This is how the world works. This is us being punished for being shitty people.” 

Toji doesn’t have anything to say to that. He refuses to acknowledge it. 

Shiu rubs at his nape, pushing off the counter. “Look, I only dropped by to get on your ass for playing hooky, wasn’t exactly expecting… all of this. But, uh,” despite their expansive acquaintanceship with one another, they never really got a hang of the whole sentimental bit. Shiu tries for a moment, mouth opening and closing a few times as the words die on his tongue, before finally settling on a long exhale through the nostrils. He tucks his hands into the pockets of his slacks, squaring his shoulders. “Just stay safe, would ya?”

Toji salutes lazily. “Aye aye.”

Shiu ducks his head in a wide nod. “Good, good. And uh, you got my number. So use it if you need to.”

Toji can tell that Shiu is trying to dole out formalities in the most unconventional way possible, so he helps him out by chuckling. “Get the fuck outta my house already.” Then, he drains the last few ounces from his can before crushing the aluminum in his fist, tossing the litter carelessly to the floor. He’ll get it later. Or not. Probably not. 

“Yeah, okay.”

The hotel room is pitch black, not even the moonlight reaches through the window. Toji stumbles through the door first, dragging another person in by the waist. He kicks it shut with the heel of his boot. A woman—mid 20’s, pretty, about two heads shorter than Toji so he’s forced to crane his neck uncomfortably low when they kiss. Some random he found off an anonymous hookup app he downloaded, a consenting body three miles away for him to use. They coordinated a time and place—midnight at this shitty motel—which brings us to the present. 

“Wait—” She struggles to speak in between wet kisses, patting Toji's bicep. “Wh—get the lights.”

He shakes his head. “Leave them off.”

Humidity stickied the air, clinging to his skin alongside sweat. He was coming down from something—some upper he popped hours prior to this—and because of that, a thin tremble rattled in his bones gliding through marrow. It’s so hot. He’s hot everywhere. It almost hurts, the heat.  

She doesn’t put up much of an argument and takes his bruteness like a champ. Let’s him hoist her up and jerk her onto the stiff motel mattress, its blankets coughing a plume of dust into the atmosphere when their weights fell upon it. The scratchy comforter reeked of mildew and clawed back at the jagged callouses sitting in the divots of Toji’s weathered fingers when he grabbed handfuls of bedding. 

He finds himself drafting comparisons in the moment, as he often did. Comparing his present to a better time; when he wasn’t slutting himself out to strangers for a fix of warmth or money, in this case the former. Your bed—God, no not tonight, he shouldn’t be devoting another night to you—smelled of a sweet concoction; your perfume, your laundry detergent, your shampoo, just you. There was no catching or pulling at his marred hands when he clawed at your bedsheets, no, the satin was gentle on his most rough parts. 

“How do you want me?”

Toji blinked in succession, snapping back to cold reality. It was easy to lose himself in his delusions, muddying the lines between his dreamscape and actuality. Maybe the liquor finally seeped into his brain and this was neurosis’s way of knocking at the door. What a hilarious thing to think about. Toji slips a hand beneath her back and maneuvers the smaller body himself. 

“Hands and knees.” He doesn’t want to look at her face.

Neither of them had even bothered to undress—this truly lacked all semblance of intimacy. Hands reach behind herself to inch suffocating denim down past the shelf of her ass, Toji thumbs down his own waistband just past the half-mast erection he sported. Everything felt robotic, it was a wonder he could even get hard in such a lifeless domain. 

“You brought a con—” 

“Yes,” he responds pointedly, eager for the talking to cease. He didn’t care to hear the whispers of a strange woman asking about whether or not he had protection on him. Of course, he had one. It goes quiet again. In the dark, dank air Toji kneels behind a wet, willing hole and yet all he can think of is you when he stroked himself to total hardness. 

“Are you kidding me?” You gawked at him, disbelief evident in the obtuse look you gave him. He was splayed out on your kitchen tiles, ducked back beneath the sink, working at the drain pipe with a rubber-gripped wrench. His ass ached from sitting on hard floors for too long, back groaned under the pressure of being bent backwards, neck stiff and knotted thanks to the awkward tilt he was forced to wear, but seeing the awe scribbled on your face made the pain dull. “I had two handymen take a look, neither of them could find the issue. But you just knew exactly what to do.”

He had to laugh at the ridiculousness. “You’ve just got yourself a fucked supply line. Ain’t rocket science, I’ll get you right.” Toji slips out from the cupboard, looking up from the floor through pin straight bangs. Scratching a brow with his thumb nail, “you hired a couple of idiots.”

You retort in a groan, unable to thrum up a defense. “I’m the real idiot, I suppose. You think they were just trying to scam me or what?”

“Probably.” Back under the sink he goes, wedging the wrench around the circumference of the pipe. Toji’s forearm tenses with each crank of the tool, and he doesn’t stop until the bolt is fastened as tight as his strength can manage. “Doesn’t matter. I’m here.”

Though he can’t see your face at the moment, Toji hears your sheepish smile wrapping around each word. “My hero.” The sarcasm was eminent, tongue-in-cheek and you nudged his foot with your own. He kicks you back, heel to your bony ankle. “Hey!” You’re laughing now. 

“Don’t get smart.” The drain pipe is secure, and he’s satisfied with his labor. Toji pulls himself to his feet, flicking the stainless steel lever on the sink’s tap with a knuckle. Crystal clear water flows out evenly from the faucet, collecting in a puddle at the basin, swirling down the drain. “Watch, look,” Toji points with his toe to the pipe under the cabinet, and he can’t quell the lofty smirk that tugs at scarred lips when there is no leakage. A successful repair; you look astonished for lack of a better word, and it gives the man a strange swell of pride hanging in his belly. 

He did that. He was useful to you in a way he hadn’t been useful to anyone in a long while. He didn’t have to kill, didn’t have to fuck; fixing a leaky kitchen sink seemed beyond good enough for you. Foolish.

“I’m impressed.” You turn to him. “Thank you, Toji.”

You blathered on some more, speaking such things of how generous you planned on being in return. Something about money in exchange for the service, but Toji wasn’t really listening past your declaration of gratitude. It was just straightforward plumbing work of the most basic level, and yet you thanked him like he hung the stars in the sky.

“Sure. It was no problem.�� And he smiled back. 

That did it. He’s stiff, cock cradled in his fist with nothing less than a bruising grip. The condom was pre-lubricated and slick with odorless oil. Toji went through the practiced motions—hooking the ringed entrance over himself, pinching the tip of the condom, rolling it down to sheath every inch. 

“Oh,” she gasped, lurching forward at the feeling of Toji’s head sliding up and down between her legs. Between her folds. She’s wet for him. Hips whined back into his groin with avidity. “Put it in.”

He slaps her with an open palm, connecting with an asscheek. She moans again and reaches back to paw at Toji’s navel with blunt nails. Free from any of that fancy acrylic stuff. 

This time around was torturously similar to every other fuck he’s had in recent date. Everything is fast-paced and unforgiving, leaving not much room for anything else. Toji fucks to forget. He fucks to remember, too. 

“Y/n,” he groans shamelessly. There’s a muffled reply, but it’s murky and muffled and unable to be understood because Toji had taken the humble liberty of holding his conquest’s face into the flat, fluffless pillow. He doesn’t care for a response, to be corrected or called a piece of shit for being so inconsiderate as to not remember her name. It was Mandy, he wants to say. Maybe Maddy? Who gives a fuck. 

“That’s rude, you know.”

Toji pouts theatrically, forcing his bottom lip out in a way that has you playfully rolling your eyes. In his hand, a bundled ball of blanket that he’d stolen from you and hoarded to his side of the sofa. “Aww, I’m sorry.”

You sigh, throwing him a scathing glance. “No, you’re not.”

Movie night, or so you said. Sitting in the lonesome of your quiet penthouse just the two of you, watching some new finance documentary that just dropped on Netflix. It sounded absurdly boring to Toji, but you’d been keen on hyping it up all week long, offering him an invitation to view it together. Really, Toji couldn’t give a shit about a bunch of old guys talking crypto-bullshit for two hours straight—but it’s not like that’s what was really going to happen anyway. Toji had convinced himself this was all a ploy to snake your way into his pants at last. Naturally, he accepted your invitation. 

“Just gonna have to sit closer then,” Toji posed gruffly, eyeing down the gap between your bodies on the couch. Sitting at opposite ends like a couple of children who still believed cooties was a prevalent issue. He nods toward you,“come on.”

“You’re terrible.” Despite that, you scoot closer, invading his bubble of personal space and snatching your half of the blanket back. Focused on the Netflix explore page, tongue poked out between two rows of teeth as you enter the title of the documentary into the search bar, you miss the way Toji observes you. Watching. Waiting. 

And waiting. 

And waiting. 

For what? Who knows. Maybe Toji prepares himself  for the inevitable moment when you slip a hand beneath the blanket and drift over to his thigh. Ready for that familiar squeeze at his crotch, the same tango so many other curious hands have danced in the past. But he’d let you proceed without any qualms. He’d encourage you. 

“You’re bored, huh?” You chuckled halfheartedly midway through the film, pressing pause. Bored didn’t even begin to describe his pure disinterest. 

Toji shrugs. “Maybe.” His arm rests on the back ledge of the couch, not quite around you, but so close that it might as well be. He shifts, touches his right thigh to your left one, and tilts his chin down. “Listening to a bunch of rich fucks whine about the stock market doesn’t exactly captivate me.”

Frowning, “that’s only surface level. The audience is supposed to infer—” Fake snoring cuts you off. Toji rolls his eyes shut, hanging his jaw to fake the most obnoxious slumber. His head lolls onto your shoulder. You don’t shy away from the physical contact. “You’re not funny.” He begs to differ, what with the way nasally snorts crack from your sinuses. The shoulder he presses his cheek to stutters with stifled dissipation.

“Stop movin’.” Toji nuzzles closer, facetiously dumping body weight against you if not for anything other than to hear the struggle squeeze at your throat when you wrestle to keep upright. “I’m comfy like this.”

“You’re never this affectionate.” 

He’s not usually. But Toji’s hellbent on his premonitions. You want him. Everyone wants him. It’s been months of banter, months of getting spoiled by financial stability. You give him everything. You take nothing. His nose caresses the junction where shoulder and neck meet. Why won’t you just let him fucking give you something? You swallow hard. “Toji.”

“I constantly feel like I owe you. Like I got dues to pay.”

“Do I… make you feel that way?”

“All the fucking time.” It swelters beneath the blanket you share, and sweat starts to collect at the creases behind Toji’s knees. Bathing in the shared body heat, letting the convection hug his hips. He sighs, backtracking. “I know you got good intentions, ‘s what you keep telling me. And I like it, the way you reassure me. It’s… reassuring.” He titters into your neck, blinking slowly. 

“Then why do you keep doing this?” A ginger hand graces the rear of his skull, not forcing him closer, but not tugging him away either. It just sits there, scritching as calm as your voice. 

“Don’t know.”

This wasn’t the first time Toji succumbed to that shrill, little whisper in his head, the one that told him to spontaneously initiate closeness. It feels like common knowledge by now; to reciprocate in kind to any form of benevolence like a trained dog, because that was the expectation of him. To get on his knees and worship until bruises hammered into his joints and the hinges of his jaw grew sore from overuse. This transaction is familiar. It brings him a twisted sense of comfort, and you ripped it away. For better or for worse, Toji had yet to conclude.

“It’s like muscle memory.” That was the best way to describe it. Toji ached to give you the pleasure that felt long overdue in this affair. To offer some sort of repayment in the only way he knew how. Lips ghost over porcelain flesh—he’s never been so tempted in his life. Sex had always been the most exhausting and emotionally depleting aspect when he dealt with these kinds of unconventional financial relationships, but now as he unfurls his candied tongue and laves a stretch from collar to jawline, Toji has never wanted to be inside of someone more. Deft fingers were quick to pull him back by the scruff.

You studied Toji with unreadable eyes. He stares back, wiping excess saliva from his fatty lower lip with a thumb. 

“I don’t want this for us,” you speak up finally, meandering eyes roaming around his facial features. You look at his lips, then his nose, then between his eyes. “Are you listening? I’ll write it on my fucking forehead if that’s what it takes for you to understand.”

“What if I want it?” Toji breathes.

You’re shaking your head. “You don’t.”

Who the fuck are you to decide what he does or doesn’t want? And how fucking dare you be right about it. Because in all this build up—the panting, the heat, the licking—Toji hadn’t so much as twitched down there. It’s like his mind and body were completely detached, separate entities trying to cohesively navigate through an avalanche of generational trauma. Trying and failing miserably. He palms himself to confirm his limp appendage. 

“Fuck.” A bucket of ice water dumped over his head, washing away the illusion of lust and leaving behind reality in its wake. What the fuck am I doing? “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Toji doesn’t really understand what you’re apologizing for. You’ve got no need to feel sorry when he was the one who threw himself at you so abruptly. But he doesn’t ask, either. It felt eerily nice to be on the receiving end of an ‘I’m sorry.’ 

You still hold his nape. The film is long forgotten at this point, set on the backburner, and dimmed with the Are you still watching? notification blanketing the screen. 

“Your movie.” Toji cocks his head, beckoning towards the gigantic television pinned to the wall all without tearing his eyes from yours. “Press play.”

This has the beginnings of a coy smirk straining your lips. “I thought it was boring you?”

He shrugs. “It’s not so bad.”

And so you resumed the documentary, if not for anything other than to dissolve the serious tension that palpated in the air. You didn’t force Toji to explain himself, you didn’t hound him for answers about his hypersexuality. You didn’t distance yourself, you didn’t act appalled when his thigh brushed yours again. You didn’t pity him, you didn’t treat him like a child. But you did stroke his neck. You continued to laugh with him. You let him fall asleep on you that night and didn’t wake him ‘till morning. 

You let him trust.

His orgasm doesn’t have any anticipation. It crashes down on him all at once, splitting down the notches of his spine and sending bouts of electricity zapping down to his curled toes, still encased in thick, mud soaked boots. She cries below, contorting in the direction of the pleasure, but Toji holds her down while he fills the rubber.

It’s unsatisfying. 

“Oh my fuck—” The woman pants on her come down, trembling around him. She clearly enjoyed herself, giggling stupidly into the pillow now sopping with drool and tears. Toji pulls out with little grace, sneering at the viscous mess of bodily fluids slicking up his navel. Proficient fingers work the sticky condom off, tying the end in a balloon knot.

It’s gross.

He folds, dropping onto the bed beside her. Sweat glues bangs to his forehead. His chest rises, then falls, then rises again with exertion. Sleep threatens to rear itself, weighing down his eyelids.

It’s tiring.

The body beside him stirs, rolling on her side. “How was it?”

“Good,” he lies through his teeth for the sake of sparing feelings. She smiles, feeling over his chest. 

“It was good for me, too,” she tells him like he asked. “Really good. Oh, also my name’s Maria by the way, not Y/n.” Maria chuckles like it was just a silly mix up. 

She drags him into mindless, post-sex banter. Rambling on about workplace drama, about her two pet cats and about her shity landlord. Mindless rattling that falls on Toji’s deaf ears; he’s disassociated, lying face-up on the terribly hard bed, fixated on the grime weighing down his lap. When an opening arises, Toji hauls himself up and claims the shower.

An intense wave of queasiness materializes in the centerpoint of Toji’s stomach when he closes himself in behind the bathroom door. The aftermath always felt this awful—bitter and lonely and degrading. Toji takes a moment to just be, perching on the lid of the toilet with his head in his hands, swallowing down sickness lest he subject Maria to a concert of his disgusting gags if he retches into the bowl. 

When Toji stands to fiddle with the shower handle, he becomes hyper aware of the weight in his sweatpants. There’s an awkward sag in the fabric, bunching around the object that sits heavy in his front pocket. His cellphone—he never bothered to remove it. Giving a sniffle to the air, Toji fishes out the device and taps the screen with little interest.

Oh.

He looks away. Looks at the sink, then the wall, then the glass door of the shower cubicle. Then back at his screen. Back at the very real notification that sits there idly, begging to be clicked.

Toji’s heart races at a perilous speed, something lethal for an old man like himself. He can feel the beat rumble his insides, blending everything up like a bloody smoothie. 

Yielding, he clicks.

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[gb-patch]

GB Patch Games: Sensitivity Reader Update

Okay, well I am able to make another statement before Rose does. I can now explain much more easily why I didn’t fire Rose. There’s been new developments with the leakers. The people behind this have doxed Rose’s discord account (please don’t go looking for it) and also shared a screenshot of an email that was sent to my support address months ago. They believe that incriminates us somehow, but really all it’s done is shown in broad daylight what they were doing and why I was defending Rose so much. If I had brought up that email as a connection to this myself people understandably would’ve thought I was making a conspiracy.

However, it is out now. Here is the story- a few months ago someone who wanted to remain anonymous sent me an email with a screenshot where Rose called me a cracker. And I told them I appreciated the concern but it’s alright, was there evidence of Rose being unkind to players? They had nothing. No response.

As an aside, yes, I have been aware for a long time that Rose uses crude language when talking about me. That doesn’t mean I’ve hidden how evil they were from players. It means I’m allowed to choose what I’m comfortable with. That original “reveal” didn’t shock or upset me in any way. Our Life is a sensitive, wholesome game, but I’m a full-grown adult. I’m not innocent or pure. The game I released before OL is XOXO Blood Droplets. Something I wrote and released to the public is full of crude jokes, curse words, and violence. It’s cartoonish and comical, but edgy. Rose themselves likes to BS with bad words and I’m not accepting abuse because I think getting called a pussy is funny. I know Rose doesn’t hate me or wish me any harm. Rose also isn’t causing “discourse” for me and my games on purpose, they were joking that bringing up serious topics is “discourse” to some people. Ironically, the leakers who did this are trying to make some “discourse” on purpose.

Regardless, I initially thought that email was from someone earnestly worried for me and that they moved on when it was clear I was fine. But that’s not what happened. Them and at least one other person have been waiting for months to bring this up again. They went through almost a year’s worth of Rose’s private posts to collect as many unflattering screenshots as they could, and then they didn’t send them to me. They posted them publicly. I had a suspicion from the get go that it was the same person/people from before who couldn’t prove anything to me in private. And if true, how horrible is it that a bunch of the comments they shared were crude language towards me, something they already knew I’d brush off as nothing. They decided for me that it was wrong and they wanted the rest of the players to do the same. Or even less charitably, those extra posts were simply there to make Rose look as bad and untrustworthy as possible and they didn’t care that I was comfortable with it. I could not explain everything we were thinking/feeling at first, but behind the scenes we were discussing how this was personally motivated and not a knee-jerk act without forethought. And we do know for certain at least the main people involved now, and they do have personal issues with Rose.

Also, if you still believe that they just wanted to help the game at any length because Rose is that huge of a risk, showing that email and framing something innocuous about me (not fainting at the word “cracker” and politely being open to more proof) as serious “evidence of wrongdoing” at GB Patch Games makes me believe they want to smear Rose so bad they’ll try to turn players against me as well. Plus, the post is framed as “this email was anonymously sent to me”, but we know from account details that the people who could’ve gotten those screenshots of the discord and email are the same people who sent that email and started this situation, which is embarrassing. I’ve confirmed the screenshots shared in the email to me and the original public post came from the same private, “venting-safe” discord server. There’s very few people in there. We know it’s still you and not a separate source. I can’t prove they think I’m stupid or in their way, but I can’t see how anything they’re doing is trying to be beneficial to the creation of OL: NF. They told me in the email they’d give me more evidence if I requested it and I was ready to know, but instead they went silent for months and then did this.

I want it to be clear that this doesn’t mean players can’t wonder if Rose has enough experience to be a sensitivity reader right now, or to worry they’re so invested in the game that it’s going to effect how objective they are with their feedback, or to say that Rose is flawless and has never done anything hurtful. However, I hope you can understand why I was on Rose’s side and couldn’t just fire them over this. It felt so incredibly unfair. If another person tries to get their way by doing this in the future, I will not hail them as a hero and immediately fire at the target. And I don't tolerate any racial harassment of any kind to anyone on my team.

If those people want to continue to share Rose’s private posts in retaliation, you can fuck off. If you somehow reveal now that Rose is secretly a murderer, I’m not gonna apologize and say I was so wrong about you. If you had tons of evidence of Rose being horrible to players, you should’ve sent it all to me and with full context to begin with in the email like you offered to do. I just don’t understand.

Any players who like to see someone’s least flattering points portrayed in the worst possible way and continue flocking to the leaks as fandom drama, I don’t want you in this fandom. I don’t want you to enjoy my games.

Anyone who has been truly hurt by this and are left confused and angry, I do completely understand that. I didn’t know how to handle this, and it made a lot of people not know how to keep trusting me. I am still looking into getting a community manager to help me better communicate with players, especially when something serious happens. And I’ll always be around for you to reach out to if you have doubts about anything.

[absurdthirst]

Mother's Day Surprise {Joel Miller x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 11.4k

Warnings: Menstrual blood/cramping, violent attack, near death, surgery, comma, mentions of blood and disturbing scenes, recovery, assistance with basic needs, helping Joel shower, confessions of feelings, fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, pull out method, mentions of family planning, breeding kink, dirty talk, cream pie, infertility, depression, feelings of worthlessness, death, harsh and cruel world, babies

Comments: Helping Joel Miller recover from a horrific attack leads to a life you never knew possible.

**🚨🚨 Contains spoilers for Season 2 of The Last of Us🚨🚨**

A/N: Happy Mother's Day to all those lovely moms out there and anyone wishing to become one in the future. Being a mom doesn't necessarily mean biologically. 💜

Co-written with @storiesofthefandomlovers

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Joel Miller MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

You grunt, squinting as you struggle to see in the dark. It's the middle of the night, the sun not yet peeking through the curtains, and you wonder why you woke up until your stomach twists and you realize you're wet between your thighs. "No. No. No. No." You cry, tears in your eyes as you scramble out of bed and rush into the bathroom, shutting the door behind you. You shove your shorts down and sob at the blood that's gathered there. You got your period. Again. You sit down on the toilet and gather some paper to clean yourself up while you try to smother your cries but there's a knock at the door and Joel's voice  resonates through it, "are you okay, sweetheart?" He asks and you choke out, "the bed." Joel walks over to turn the lamp on, his eyes widening at the blood on the sheets. "Oh sweetheart." He sighs, resting his forehead against the door frame. "I'm sorry, baby. I - I am useless." You sob and he rattles the door handle, "let me in." He demands and you flush the toilet, washing your hands before you open the door. Joel immediately wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. "We will try again." He promises, "I didn't give up when I was recovering and we won't give up now." He assures you while you sob into his chest.

He sighs, not even going to deny his own disappointment, although people who used to know him in the Boston QZ would never believe it. Joel Miller, disappointed that you aren’t pregnant. The very obvious sign of his seed not taking root staining the sheets of the bed you share. He shouldn’t want a child. He’s closer to fucking sixty years old than not, just a few years shy and yet he finds himself wanting to see you round with his child. His second child by blood, his third in his heart. Ellie is staying with Dina tonight, so he doesn’t have to worry about waking her up as your sobs wrack your body. “You aren’t useless.” He soothes, frowning when he remembers your emotional words. Standing in the bathroom, he wishes there was something that he could do, fertility doctors from twenty plus years ago were a thing of the past. Most people do not want to bring children into this fungi infested world, but here in Jackson, he has hope for the future. Hope for a chance to pass on a legacy.

You cling to him, knowing he's disappointed. Lord knows you've been trying enough but you just can't seem to get pregnant. It's like you are cursed and you wonder if Joel's injuries hurt your chances.

****

You gasp when you look up to see a mangled man carried into the hospital. You set your cup of coffee down and stand up, the resident doctor rushing around to try and stop the bleeding. "What the hell?" You ask and a teenage girl is clinging to his hand as the team try to wheel him into the surgery room. "Joel. Joel. Don't leave me." She pleads, tears in her eyes, and you reach for her. "He's in good hands, sweetheart. Come here. Let the doctor work." You manage to drag her away and she wraps her arms around you and sobs, "I didn't know - she nearly - they nearly- it's all my fault." She chokes and you rub her back, frowning at the doors where the man disappeared.

Hours later, the door swings open and the doctor comes back through, his work scrubs stained with blood. Ellie had been impatiently sitting and leaps out of her seat. “Is he alive? Where is he? I want to see him.” She demands, making the doctor lift his hands slightly. “He’s alive.” He reassures her, making her tense shoulders slump with relief and tears prick her eyes. “There was massive trauma to the head, and-“ Ellie interrupts him. “Of course there is, that bitch tried to beat him to death with a fucking golf club.”

Your eyes widen at the news that he was nearly beaten to death. You wrap your arm around Ellie’s shoulder. She had rambled about how Joel saved her, how much she loves him, how he’s the father she never had. Her words made your heart melt and you silently prayed he pulled through. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery. For now, we will monitor him and see if he pulls through the night. It’s touch and go still.” The doctor warns Ellie who nods, “he will pull through. Joel is a stubborn fucker.” You chuckle and rub her upper arm, “let’s get you something to eat and a shower and we can come back when he’s settled in a room.” You suggest and she’s reluctant to leave but the doctor nods, “he’s unconscious. Will be for a few days at least. His body needs rest. Go get some food and he will be waiting for you.” Ellie nods and lets you guide her to your house. Her home needs to be cleaned up and you don’t want her to see the aftermath of the battle that occurred in her home.

Joel had put up a fight. Furniture is broken, the mirror in the hallway - one he had grumbled about every day when it showed him how old he is - is shattered. Shards of glass and spurts of blood splash the walls. Ellie grimaces and stops at the blood stain on the floor right by the open front door. Obviously no one had cared about closing up the house when rushing Joel off to the hospital. “Right.” She sighs, turning when she hears someone running towards her. “Ellie! Fuck, is Joel alright?” Breathless, Tommy stops in front of the teenager and his face almost begs her to tell him that his older brother is okay. “I tracked her, but she got away.” He explains; that being the reason he wasn’t at the hospital earlier. “She went to the river and I couldn’t track her from there.” 

Ellie straightens her back, shaking her head, “that fucking bitch.” She growls and you answer Tommy’s question. “Joel had surgery. He’s unconscious right now. Still in the air as to him waking up without brain damage. The doctor did the best he could but it…it was bad.” You admit and Tommy closes his eyes, needing to see his brother. “I need to see him.” He says and you nod, “he’s unconscious still. I’m going to get Ellie changed and get her something to eat.” You tell Tommy who reaches out to squeeze Ellie’s shoulder. “Get something to eat, kid. I’ll let you know if anything changes.” Tommy promises and Ellie doesn’t say anything else, going quiet. “Come on, let’s get you something to eat.”

You nod, “go clean up. I’ll get started on trying to clean this up.” You tell her and she makes her way upstairs. You sigh, looking over at the pool of blood and you feel sick. You’ve always had a crush on the older Miller brother since he arrived at Jackson, but you’re certain he doesn’t even know you exist. 

****

You check Joel’s pulse, his eyes moving beneath his eyelids. He’s still unconscious, has been for a few days, and the hospital isn’t equipped with equipment to test brain function. All you can do is watch and wait to see if he will wake up.

Joel hurts, every inch of his body hurts and it feels like he’s trying to move mountains just to open his eyes. Fingers twitching and he opens his mouth, groaning quietly.

You gasp when you hear him groan, watching his eyes flutter, and you let go of his wrist, calling for the doctor. The doctor comes in and you gesture to Joel, “he is waking up.” The doctor nods, checking Joel over, his bandages wrapped around his head, and they had to shave his head to perform the surgery. You wonder if he will be angry about losing his hair. Ellie is in the waiting room so you head out to see her. “He’s awake.” You tell her and she stands up, “he is. I want to see him.” You shake your head, “the doctor is checking him over. Let’s give them some time.”

It takes a long time to understand what the doctors are telling him, frowning in confusion and wondering why his head feels like it’s been squashed like a grape. Moving is slower and he hisses in pain when he learns that his ribs have been broken and his leg is also fractured. Opening his mouth, it’s hard to get a word out. “E-E-El-Ellie.” He manages, needing to see her.

The doctor nods, “she’s okay.” You escort Ellie into the room, wanting her to see her father is awake, and she rushes over to the bed. “Joel. Joel. I’m sorry.” Ellie chokes, reaching for his hand. He groans as he squeezes her hand, silently assured that she’s okay.” You watch their reunion with tears in your eyes from the doorway.

“D-d-don’t bl-ame y-your-self.” Joel rasps out, still fuzzy on what happened. He doesn’t remember anything much before waking up in the hospital. Although he gets the sense he was angry- desperate. He groans in pain when she lunges forward to hug him, but he doesn’t push her away. 

You watch Ellie hug him and you know in that moment you’ll do whatever you can do to make sure Joel gets better. Ellie pulls back after several moments and the doctor checks Joel’s vitals. “He needs some more time here so we can observe him.” Ellie nods at the doctor’s words and you walk over to rub her back.

“I’m going be honest, Mr. Miller,” the doctor tells him as he pulls back. “I am surprised that you even woke up. There was significant bleeding and swelling of the brain. Tests seem positive but there could be damage that hasn’t manifested itself yet.” He tells Joel. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery for you.”

Joel doesn’t say anything. He was nearly murdered. He knows he shouldn’t be alive right now. Ellie sniffs as she steps back and Joel attempts to squeeze her hand. The doctor grabs his clipboard and looks at Joel’s recent vitals. “Waking up was half the struggle. Let’s monitor you and go from there.” The doctor says, “and we will keep running tests.” Joel grunts out an “okay” and you offer him a smile, “you’re a fighter just like Ellie said. She’s lucky to have you.”

You’re familiar to him, he can’t place it, but his thoughts are still fuzzy and jumbled. “How- how long have I been here?” He asks after a moment. “Three days.” Ellie answers and he frowns. “Who- where have you been sleeping?”

Ellie says your name, “I have been staying in her house. She has been cleaning our house because there was too much blood and - and it was a mess.” Ellie reveals and Joel’s eyes are hazy as they meet yours, silently saying goodbye thank you and you nod in response. “Just focus on getting better, Ellie and I are enjoying some girl time.” You tease, winking at Ellie who chuckles.

****

Joel stays in hospital for two weeks and you look after Ellie, preparing his home for his return, and when the doctor declares him fit to leave, he says that he needs someone to look after him. He still can’t shower by himself, he needs help eating and he struggles to walk alone. It’s going to be a long recovery for Joel. “I can help,” Ellie says without hesitation as Joel sits on the edge of the bed.

“You can’t help me do everything.” Joel grunts, knowing that he could never allow the teenage girl to help him shower or get to fucking bathroom. “I- Tommy-“ his brother has been by to visit every day, and he’s talked to him about taking Ellie. He doesn’t know how he will manage, but he also knows he can’t burden Maria and their baby with his convalesce.

“Tommy is out of town on a scouting mission.” Ellie says, knowing Joel’s brother was set on revenge for his brother’s condition. He just had to track Abby down. “I can help.” You volunteer, feeling close to him despite not having a full conversation with him. Spending time with Ellie, hearing her stories about Joel and his bravery had made you fond of him. “I can help him at home.” You offer and the doctor looks to Joel for his answer.

His eyes slide to you, unsure why you would volunteer to help him, but the doctor immediately nods. “That would be a good idea.” He agrees. “You can check his bandages and make sure that he doesn’t get an infection.” He smiles at the three of you like it’s a done deal and Joel frowns slightly, not sure if he likes the idea of you helping him.

You nod, noticing Ellie’s grateful smile, and you look at Joel, “it’s for the best. I can monitor your health and help you. I’m a nurse. It’s a medical decision.” You tell him and he grunts, knowing he doesn’t have a choice. He’s discharged and you wheel him to the doctor’s truck, knowing Joel won’t be able to walk home. You arrive outside of the house and Joel grunts, “I can walk.” He doesn’t want a wheelchair so you let him wrap his arm around you to guide him into the house. “Take your time.” You reassure him, “no need to rush.”

The shuffle is slow and painful, making him huff in irritation that he can’t move like he would want to. Even as he’s gotten older and been slower, he’s been able to move how he wanted to. Now, in a cast and recovering from nearly dying, he needs help. Ellie jumps forward to open the door and he’s glad to see that the scene that had been left from the attack you told him about has been cleaned away. He will have to thank you for that. “Fuck.” He pants, out of breath and in pain just because of the short walk from the truck to the house. “I don’t know how the fuck I’m getting upstairs.”

“We moved a bed downstairs.” You tell him, “you won’t be going upstairs for a while.” You escort him into the living room and help him settle down on the bed. He’s only wearing socks so he groans as he sits down and you help him lay on the bed. “You need to rest as much as possible. Let me get you some water. Are you hungry?” You ask, helping him settle against the pillows.

“Can you cook better than the shit they served at the hospital?” He grumbles, having not enjoyed the food there. He’s relieved to be home and his head hurts a little bit less today than before. He’s got a plate covering the fractured portion of his skull and they actually had to remove a large chunk of the bone.

You chuckle, “I like to think so. I’m glad your appetite is back. What do you feel like? I make a mean mac and cheese.” You adjust his pillow and Ellie comes to sit down next to him. “She’s a really good cook. Like really good. I’ve been helping make cheese and we even made a cake.” She tells Joel with wide eyes, shocked at how this place is like life in books she read.

“Sure.” Joel agrees, the little fissure of pain at the mention of a cake isn’t as rough as it might once have been. The last night she had been alive, Sarah had wanted a cake desperately for Joel’s birthday. “Make something the kid likes.” He suggests. “I eat anything.”

You smile, liking how he caters to Ellie, and you know that Ellie told the truth about the man she considers a father. “What do you want, sweetheart?” You ask her and she nods, “Mac and cheese.” You ask if she wants to help you while Joel gets settled in and Ellie follows you into the kitchen so you can get started on the food and you pour Joel a glass of water. “You want to take this to Joel?” You ask Ellie who takes the glass and takes it to her father figure.

Joel listens to the sound of people talking in the kitchen and it’s so strange. He can’t make out what’s being said, but he can hear voices. It’s almost unsettling that there is someone else in the safe, cozy home that he and Ellie have managed to carve out for themselves. Tommy told him that Abby, the girl who had attacked him, was the daughter of the doctor he had killed to save Ellie. His past sins were coming back to haunt him, but he doesn’t regret not letting the teen sacrifice herself for a lost cause.

Ellie comes back out to hand Joel the glass of water and he takes it, taking a sip. “Thanks, kid.” He says and she sits down at the edge of his bed. “I- I thought I was gonna lose you.” She whispers, her brown eyes meeting his, “I was scared.” She admits and Joel feels his chest tighten, tears stinging in his eyes. “But you didn’t. I survived and I ain’t going anywhere, kid.” He promises, reaching out to squeeze her hand with his free one. “She been looking after you?” He asks her, jerking his chin towards the kitchen. “Yeah. She’s been great. She cleaned this place up. Made sure I ate and showered and slept while worrying like fuck about you. She’s a good one.” Ellie says and Joel trusts her opinion. You hear what Ellie says from around the corner, some homemade chips in a bowl in your hand and you smile, liking that she trusts you. You carry the bowl in and set it down , “hope these are good. We fried them earlier today.” You say, looking between Ellie and Joel.

Joel’s brow raises and he nods. “Thanks.” It hurts to nod so he just sends you his thanks with his eyes. “For taking care of her and me now, I guess.” He sips the water and grunts when the cool liquid slides down his throat to quench his thirst. “I’m sorry for all the cursing I will be doing.” He warns you, knowing he’s never been a good patient.

You chuckle, “curse away. You’re alive. That’s all that matters.” You promise and make your way back into the kitchen to continue making dinner. It’s going to be a long path of recovery but you’re happy to help Joel get back on his feet. 

****

“Shit.” Joel hisses as you help him into the downstairs bathroom to shower. “Do you, uh, I can help take off your pants.” You offer, cheeks burning as you try and help him shower for the first time since he left the hospital.

Joel isn’t a shy man, never has been, but the idea that you have to help him bathe like he is a helpless baby makes him burn with embarrassment. There’s not a goddamn thing he can do about it though, his body is still healing and he can’t get his head wet because of the stitches and staples. “Fuck.” He grunt, hoping he doesn’t really embarrass himself. The fact that he’s not gotten an erection since he’s woken up makes him wonder if something is wrong with that function. “Fuck, what the hell else am I going to do? Shower with my fuckin’ clothes on?”

You shake your head, “no. I- I have to help. I’m a nurse. I am a professional.” You tell him even though that doesn’t hold much weight in today’s world. “Let me help you.” You reach in to turn on the water to heat it up and you reach for Joel’s shirt. “Keep still.” You murmur, working the buttons open. He probably prefers t-shirts but the button down is required so he doesn’t jostle his head. He is still weak so he lets you push the shirt off of his shoulders. “Pants next.” You declare and hook your fingers in the sweatpants, dragging them down his legs  and he’s naked under them so it's easier for him to use the bathroom. He steps out of them and you try not to appraise his naked form. He’s still healing but he’s gorgeous.

“Sorry.” He huffs, knowing that the last thing you want to do is to help an old man bathe, his still bruised body on display. Luckily, there were still medical supply devices like a chair to sit in the shower to make it easier for him, although he knows you will get wet helping him. His dormant cock twitches slightly and his eyes widen at the sensation.

You focus on looking after him and not on his body, which even though bruised, is still beautiful. You know your clothes will get soaked but that’s okay, you don’t want to strip off and make him uncomfortable so you step into the shower and help him sit down on the chair. “Temperature okay?” You ask and he nods. You grab the soap you made last week and hold it out. “You want to do it or shall I?” You ask, knowing you’ll need to wash his face so he doesn’t get his head wet.

He hates to admit that he’s so damn tired after getting into the shower, he just wants you to do it. Grunting, he shakes his head slightly and winces when he feels a little pain. “Just do it.” He tells you, not wanting this to become some kind of pissing match. “Feel like a damn baby.”

You nod, “I understand but this is the best thing for you, honey. You need to focus on healing. You nearly died so being showered isn’t the worst thing in the world.” You put it in perspective for him. You lather up your hands and work on washing his back. He groans and your stomach twists with forbidden arousal. He’s injured, recovering, you shouldn’t feel attracted to him.

“Does it hurt?” Your soft question is almost arousing, murmuring in his ear but he grunts. “No.” His voice comes out raspy and raw. “Feels good.” He’s still so damn sore and your hands on his skin feels like a massage. “It’s feeling really good.”

You continue working on washing him, mindful of his bruises. “Good.” You murmur, “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” You say as you massage the soap into his black and blue back. “Tommy tried to find them but they were gone.” You reveal, “they are gone.”

“It’s my fault.” Joel murmurs quietly, closing his eyes and trying to forget the moment he had killed that doctor, but it plays behind his lids. “How could you deserve something like this?” You snort, but he sighs softly. “I killed her father.” He reveals. “He was a doctor, for the Fireflies. They believed Ellie was the answer to a cure.” He opens his eyes, frowning. “They were going to remove her brain.”

You gasp, your hands freezing on his back. "They - does she know?" You whisper and Joel shakes his head. "She can't." You declare, having gotten to know Ellie enough to know that she would sacrifice herself. He nods, "I can't - I lied to her. I can't lose her." He confesses and you rub his back, "you won't. Secret's safe with me." You promise, "you didn't deserve this, Joel. No one does. This world...it's cruel but we have our little piece of paradise here. We just gotta protect it."

Even though he knows it would never absolve him of his sins, your words are a balm to his spirit. Soothing him and making him relax even more. “It’s nice here.” He murmurs softly. “Sarah would love it here.”

Ellie had briefly discussed the daughter that Joel lost on Outbreak Day and you rub his shoulders, “we are lucky. Not QZ, not the Wild West. We are safe and our commune is thriving.” You hum, “Ellie is lucky to have you.” You murmur and he hisses when you press a little too hard, “I’m sorry.” You grab the rag and lather it up, “you, uh, want to wash your -” Your cheeks heat up at the thought and he takes the rag without a word.

Joel washes his groin quickly, gritting his teeth when his long neglected cock starts to stir from the simple touch and the smell of your soap. He has noticed it every time he gets your help to use the bathroom and he is now covered in it. “Help me.” He grunts, trying to push to his feet so he can wash his ass.

You wrap your arms under his armpits, helping him stand and he grunts as he washes his ass. When he’s done, you rinse him off and shut off the water, grabbing the towel around his waist. “You good?” You ask and he nods, “yeah. Just feel like a fucking baby.” You chuckle, “at least you don’t need breastfeeding.”

“Fuck.” He huffs and blurts out, “that would be more fun,” before he even realizes how inappropriate it would be. “Shit, I’m sorry.” He grunts, blushing slightly.

You snort and smile, “I think we are beyond apologies now, huh?” You say, knowing you’ve helped him to the bathroom and now helped him shower. “Let’s get you redressed and I’ll heat up the soup I made earlier for you.” You tell him and grab the clean clothes you set aside for him.

His bedroom is what used to be the downstairs office. It’s got some doors for privacy, but more often than not, they are kept open until he needs to change. It makes it easier. “I didn’t ask, how do you like that bed?” His bedroom upstairs had become yours since they had broken down the smaller bed from the third bedroom. Joel wouldn’t let you sleep on the couch, telling you he could piss in a bottle in the middle of the night if he needed to. You deserved to sleep in a real bed for helping him.

“It’s good. Nice and comfy. I have no complaints.” You tell him, knowing your roommate, Sandra, will be enjoying the peace and quiet on her own in your house. “I hope it’s comfortable here.” You help him pull the shirt over his head and you kneel down so he can  step into the sweatpants.

“It’s a bed.” He’s going to be uncomfortable regardless of where he is because of how badly he had been beaten. The only reason he’s alive is because she had started swinging on other parts of his body besides the head. “I think I’ll appreciate it more when I can move without wanting to cry.”

“Not too long now. You’ve overcome the worst. You’ll get there in the end.” You promise him, “you’ll get better. Ellie needs you.” You pull the sweatpants up and stand up, patting his chest. “All clean.” You smile and guide him to sit on the bed. You swing his legs onto the bed and stand up, “I’ll go get your soup, Miller.”

He watches you go, his eyes dropping down to your ass, not for the first time either. This time though, there is a punch of lust that his body responds to. Making him grunt and reach down to adjust himself slightly. You are beautiful and now that he has spent time with you, he can see why Tommy called him a lucky bastard.

****

You spend eight weeks looking after Joel. Helping him bathe until he can manage himself, feeding him, making sure he has water. It’s your priority and you are so happy he’s recovering well. He can walk properly now and the bruises have faded. “You want some cake?” You ask Joel as he walks into the kitchen where Ellie is trying to lick the spoon of the jam you made to go in the sponge cake.

“God, yes.” Joel groans, the irony of cake not being lost on him. You have been positively spoiling him and Ellie and he hates to think about when you will leave. He’s getting better and it’s about time you go back to your own life. “Are we doing a shower tonight?” The stitches are out, but he still has staples and needs help in the shower.

You nod, “yes, sir. Gotta make sure you avoid a nasty infection. We don’t have any oral antibiotics left.” You sigh, knowing that even if someone found some, they’d be expired. You and Ellie put the cake together and you cut out a slice for each of you. Setting the plate down in front of Joel, you love the way he smiles at you. It’s been impossible to keep your affection for him at bay. You’ve fallen for him, knowing that you will have to return home at some point but the grumpy yet funny man has gotten into your heart.

“Thanks.” He sends you a grateful look and sets his elbows on the table as he waits for you to sit down. “It smells incredible. You seem to enjoy cooking, or is it just something you do because you know Ellie can’t?” He teases, making the teenager huff and roll her eyes. “It’s not like I’ve had a chance to learn, man.”

You giggle and nudge Ellie, “you’ve been learning. You’ll get there. No, I, uh, I love cooking. Always have.” You admit, “I missed it a lot when I was on the outside. Cooking rabbit on a fire isn’t quite the same as cooking in a warm kitchen.” You sigh, forking up a bite of the cake.

“Yeah, campfires are temperamental, and cooking on them is even worse.” He snorts. Ellie chuckles. “When you would let us have them.” Joel shrugs slightly. “It’s dangerous out there.” He reminds her. “Hell, it’s dangerous in here too, but it’s better than out there.” He glances towards the entryway where he had collapsed when Abby nearly beat him to death.

You notice his glance and you realize once again how close to death he was. “You’re here now. Hopefully you don’t have to go back out there anytime soon.” You reach out to squeeze Joel’s hand and he smiles at you, his fork in his other hand, “you are safe for now.”

You have been incredible, and it’s almost amazing to see how you have slipped past the shell of his heart, something that only Ellie has managed since Tess. It’s hard to believe Tess has been gone as long as she has, but Joel has been slowly trying to heal emotionally as he heals physically. Thoughts of you have crept into his waking hours, causing some embarrassing moments in the showers when he gets hard, or you wake him up from an erotic dream that features you.

****

“So, the doctor gave you the all clear. Just to be careful and not do too much.” You smile at Joel as you enter the living room after the doctor left. He had done a full assessment of Joel and called his surgery a miracle - the fact that he survived is a gift from God. Ellie is out visiting Dina and you sit down next to Joel on the sofa, “I guess I can get out of your hair now. You can have your bed back and I’ll go back to my place.” You finish softly, sad to be leaving him.

Joel wipes his hands on his sweatpants, still wearing them out of habit over the past few months. “You’re probably happy as hell to be getting away.” He snorts as he looks over at you and wonders how you have become even prettier than before. He’s crazy about you, how kind you are, how you have taken Ellie under your wing and how you never rebuke him for when he gets sad and introspective. You have helped so much and he hates that you are leaving. “Maybe I need to get the shit beat out of me again, make you stick around.”

You chuckle, shaking your head. "No need to do that. All you have to do is ask me to stay and I would." You confess and your eyes widen at the way you blurted that out. You close your mouth, turning your head to stare across the room, avoiding those dark brown eyes. "I'm sorry. I-" You begin but he interrupts you. "Stay." You turn your head to look at him again, "what? You - you want me to stay?" You ask, feeling breathless.

He rolls his eyes at your question and huffs. “Do you think that I’m getting hard every time you help me shower because getting clean turns me on?” He asks bluntly. “I’ve been trying to think about anything else but you, but nothing works.”

You stare at him in shock, “I- I can’t believe - I just thought you were horny because you couldn’t jerk off.” You snort and close your eyes for a second. “I think about you. All the time.” You admit, reaching for his hand, “I had a crush on you before I came to help.” You tell him honestly, “always thought you were handsome, but now that I know you? You’re - fuck, I love you.” You confess just as breathless as your prior revelation.

His own breath stops, caught in his chest as you confess your feelings. A year ago, hell - a few months ago, he would have been denying that you felt that way. Ignoring it or being unable to respond in kind because his world was still ground to a halt, but that had changed. You and Ellie, that attack, it had changed things and made him realize that even though he had lost so many, he still had those to live for. He lunges forward and presses his lips to yours. “Love you too.” He murmurs as you gasp.

You can’t believe he’s kissing you but you reach up to cup his cheek, pressing your lips back to his, and your heart is pounding in your chest. You shift closer, cupping his other cheek and you rest your forehead against his when you pull back, caressing his stubbled cheeks. “I love you, Miller.” You smile, unable to fathom that the man you’ve fallen for loves you too.

He's panting and his heart is beating wildly in his chest. Already turned on again and starting to tent his sweats and all you've done is shared one kiss. Reaching up, he caresses your neck and shoulder. "Are you sure? I'm fuckin' old, baby." He jokes. "And a little decrepit."

You shake your head, "you're not decrepit. Or too old. I love you, Joel. No matter what. Hell, if I can look after you like I have and still think you are sexy, you're good to go." You promise with a giggle, sliding your hands down to his chest. "And I haven't stopped thinking about you between my thighs. Inside of me." You confess in a hushed tone.

The kid is off with her friend and Joel groans quietly, having thought of nothing else for the past few days. "I don't know if I can perform worth a shit." He admits with a shake of his head. "Haven't cum since I woke up."

"I don't care. Just want to be close to you." You murmur, "don't care if you cum right away. I can ride you." You want to be close to him, to feel all of him. "I keep thinking about how you'd feel inside of me."

He's still in his downstairs bedroom and he nudges his nose against yours. "Close the doors." He rasps out, nodding towards the French doors that close off his makeshift space. "I don't want to tire myself out trying to get upstairs."

You stand up, hands shaky as you shut the doors and turn to face him. You take in the details of his face, his head shaved from his surgery so his hair is growing back patchy but he’s still so attractive. You reach for the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and you swiftly remove your bra. Hooking your fingers in your leggings, you push them down along with your panties to stand naked in front of him. “I’ve seen yours, figured it’s only fair if you see mine.”

"It gets bigger." He jokes, aware that you have seen and politely ignored the times he's gotten hard from you helping him in the shower. "Fuck, you are beautiful." He praises breathlessly, eyes drinking in your body as he licks his lips. It's been a long goddamn time since he's been with someone, the last person was Tess, but he feels like he's about to bust if he doesn't touch you.

“So are you.” You respond as you walk towards him. “So brave. A fucking fighter.” You murmur, shifting to straddle him as he sits back on the bed. His hands immediately find your ass and you chuckle, knowing he’s watched it enough times. You cup his cheeks and lean in to kiss him, “wanna see if it gets bigger.” You joke, grinding down onto the tent in his sweats.

Joel groans, twitching underneath you and he knows he won’t have any problem performing. The problem might be that he doesn’t please you before he cums. His hand slides around your waist to dip between your thighs. Hissing when he finds you starting to get slick as he starts to slowly rub your clit.

“Oh God.” You pant, rocking down onto his hand. It’s been far too long since anyone touched you and you are whimpering at the way his thick fingers rub your bundle of nerves. You tilt your head back and he leans in to kiss along your neck, your fingers digging into his shoulder as you absorb every touch.

He groans as he learns your body. He and Tess had been comfortable, completely familiar with each other and what the other liked. The whimpers and groans rockets his arousal higher as you grind down against his fingers and he feels like he’s going to bust in his sweats. Turning his wrist, he presses his thumb against your clit and slides his fingers through your slick folds so he can press them inside you.

“I want to touch you.” You whimper and he shakes his head, “not yet. Otherwise this will be over sooner than you thought.” He grunts and you rock onto his thick fingers, stretching you out in the most delicious way. “Fuckkkk.” You exhale as he presses his finger against that spongy spot inside of you. He’s good. He knows what he’s doing.

He loves the way you respond to him, how wet you get. Sliding his hand up and down your back as he kisses along your shoulder and down to your tit. Wrapping his lips around a stiff nipple as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of your wet heat.

“Shit.” You hiss, caressing his head as he suckles on your nipple like he’s trying to root. It has you quivering and you’re so close. So many nights of imagining how he’d touch you has led to you getting worked up faster than you have ever known. “Joel. Oh God, Joel. You’re gonna make me - I’m gonna-” You don’t finish your cry as you cut yourself off with a strangler choke and clamp down on his digits, soaking them with your cum.

“That’s it, fuck, good girl.” Joel pants against your breast as he pumps his fingers to help you ride out your orgasm. “You’re so goddamn good to me, ain’t ya? You creamin’ all over my fingers, making me harder than a fucking rock.” He coos praises into your skin, enjoying the way your nails bite into his shoulder through the shirt. Your pretty cunt soaked his fingers and he can only imagine how good you will feel around his cock.

His words make you choke on your breath as he works you through your orgasm. You never imagined he’d be so dirty but you love it. “Fuck, baby. Yes. I need - I need you inside of me but I want to suck your cock.” You whine, reaching down to tug on the hem of his shirt, wanting him naked beneath you.

“You can’t.” Joel moans, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t last a minute. And I want to feel you, fuck, imagined it so many times.” He pants, pulling away from the back of the bed so you can pull his shirt off. “Maybe- later, if I can get it up again.” He chuckles.

You pull his shirt over his head, still mindful of his injuries, and you slide your hands down his chest, admiring his broadness. “You’re so sexy.” You murmur, reaching down to pull his cock out of his sweatpants, wanting to see him in this light. You’ve seen his cock plenty of times but now you know he’s hard for you and it’s intoxicating. You pump him and he groans out a warning so you shift to lift your hips, positioning him at your entrance and you slowly sink down onto him.

“Fuuuuuuuuck.” His hands grip your hips harshly and he clenches his jaw as you take him. You are hot and tight like a glove around his cock, clenching around him as your walls flutter. Your ass presses against his thighs and he rocks his hips up. “Fuck, that’s - fuck, gimme a minute.” He begs, feeling like he’s about to cum. “Let me- calm down.”

You nod, stilling on top of him, and you caress his chest. He exhales shakily and you lean in to kiss him, “take your time, baby. I’m in no rush.” You promise and kiss along his jaw, loving how he stretches you out.

It’s been so long since he’s felt this close to anyone, your breath blows against his skin and he shivers. Closing his eyes as he holds you still. “Fuck, I love you.” He murmurs quietly, aware that this is something that he shouldn’t even have, he should have died. But he’s here and he’s going to live for the moment and bask in the forgiveness of your touch.

You close your eyes at his words, loving how he caresses you, and you tilt your head to look at him. “I love you too. You’re so much more than you think you are.” You murmur, caressing his cheek, and you experimentally rock your hips. His groan makes your stomach clench and you rock again, starting slow as he moves inside of you.

“Shit.” He hisses quietly, opening his eyes to watch as you start to move. “You’re so pretty, so fuckin’ pretty.” He promises as he starts to slide his hands up and down your back. “You feel so good, does it feel good for you?”

His words make your heart pound in your chest and you nod, “feels so good. You feel so damn big inside of me.” You confess breathlessly, “stretching me out. It’s been so long since I had sex. You need to- to pull out so tell me if you’re close.” You remind him, not wanting an accidental pregnancy right now.

Joel grunts, looking into your eyes as he nods. “I will.” He promises. Safe sex isn’t really a thing to be had but hopefully there’s not something to come of this. You are right to remind him. “I’m good baby, ride me.”

You take his word and start to move faster. Your hands gripping his shoulders as you start to move on top of him, moaning at the way he twitches inside of you. "Fuck, you feel so good." You pant, chest heaving as his cock curves just right inside of you.

Joel grunts and leans forward to press his lips to yours, biting your bottom lip after he kisses you. Your breasts brush against his chest and he pulls you closer, craving the feel of your skin against his.

You moan into his mouth, loving how strong her feels, how he’s recovered and he’s stronger for it mentally. You rock down onto his cock, loving the way he twitches inside of you, and you are getting close. Just the feel of having the man you love inside of you is pushing you higher. “Oh shit.” You whimper when you find the right spot and you reach down to rub your clit, pushing yourself closer to the edge.

“That’s it pretty girl, making yourself cum.” Joel groans, watching you touch yourself with dark eyes. It’s so sexy and he can’t get enough of it. “Make yourself cum on my cock. I want to feel it, see it. Show me what you look like.”

You nod, mouth open as you work yourself higher until you finally fall over the edge. A cry escapes your lips as you cum, moaning his name and you clamp down on his cock, soaking him while your orgasm rocks through you.

His eyes roll back in pleasure as he feels you squeezing him and he knows he will be cumming any second. “Sweethea-rt, you gotta-“ he grits his teeth as he jerks your body up off his cock so he can keep his promise to you, panting as he spurts all over his stomach and chest.

You watch him as he cums and you love it. The way he looks is intoxicating and you lean in to kiss him. “Fuck, I love you.” You murmur, leaning in to kiss him as he pants your name.

He kisses you back eagerly, reaching for his shirt to wipe away the mess so you can lean against him. “Fuck, that was- I can’t even-“ he chuckles quietly and kisses you again. “What do you think about moving in permanently?”

You smile as he looks at you, his dark eyes soft, and you cup his cheeks. “Yes. Absolutely.” Your smile turns into a grin, excited to explore this next step with Joel. “I was dreading going home and I would miss you and Ellie like crazy.” You confess, “I want to stay.”

“Good.” He pauses for a moment and then he admits, “it’s felt like a proper home with you here. Ellie, she loves you too.” He tells you softly. “I think she imagines we are a family.”

“I imagine that too. She’s like a daughter to me.” You confess, “I want to make this a home and I want to be yours. Be in your bed every night. Be by your side no matter what.” You promise and Joel smiles, cupping your cheek, “sounds amazing, baby.”

****

“Joel.” You say his name as he takes a sip of whiskey. Ellie is watching a movie with the other kids in the barn and you decided to cook a romantic dinner for Joel, wanting to ask him something. He looks at you and you tilt your head, appraising him. You pick up your glass and take a sip, your throat suddenly dry. “Everything okay, baby?” He asks and you nod, squaring your shoulders. “I want a baby.” You announce, bracing yourself for him to say no.

Joel freezes, waiting for the familiar ache to take over his chest. For this vision to blur and his breathing to turn into short bursts as thoughts of Sarah take over. As the sounds of her rapid, panicked last breaths fill his ears. It never comes. 

He doesn’t panic at the thought of having a child that could remind him of Sarah. Ellie does in some ways, but she’s a completely different type of girl. One raised in the world outside the safety of the walls of Jackson. If you had a child here, they would be innocent in some ways Ellie was not, more like Sarah. “A baby, huh?” He murmurs after a moment. “With me?” He asks. “I’m nearly sixty, baby. You want that?”

You sense his hesitation and you feel like backtracking but you think about the nights you’ve spent awake pondering this, weighing the pros and cons of having his baby in this world. You reach for his hand, “I know and I still want it. Spending time with Ellie, helping with your nephew, it’s made me realize that I can do it. It’s hard, always hard being a mother, but I’m ready and I want a baby. I want a baby that will carry our legacy, a baby that will grow up safe and capable. We will make sure of it. Unless you don’t want that, which is - it’s fine. I’ll handle your decision. We both have to want this, Joel. Not just me. Don’t do it for me. I want you to want this too and if you don’t, then that’s case closed.” You promise, not wanting to pressure him.

Joel squeezes your hand gently, reminded of the nights he had woken in a cold sweat, sometimes from the broken memories of him being attacked or the memory of losing Sarah. You have been right beside him, offering him comfort and solace. He’s told you about that night, sharing with you memories that he has kept bottled for over twenty years. You had cried in his arms like you had been Sarah’s mother, assuring him that he had done everything right to try to protect his baby girl. The fact that he’s not immediately said no is very insightful and he bites his lip and watches you with a softness that even a year ago, he was unsure he was capable of. “It’s been a looooong time since 2 AM feedings and my hearing is shot.” He snorts, smiling slightly. “You’ll have to poke me to wake me up if you want me to get up with a baby.”

You smile, loving the way he has agreed to having a baby with you. “You’re forgetting the best part about deciding to have a baby….” You trail off and smirk, “the trying.” He returns your smirk and you giggle, standing up from your seat and you round the table to sit in his lap. “I love you.” You murmur when you’re settled in his lap, reaching up to caress his cheek. “I want you to fuck a baby into me, Joel.”

“Fuck, that’s hotter than I ever imagined.” Joel grunts, twitching underneath you. His sex drive isn’t completely on par with yours, but he keeps up and keeps you satisfied in other ways. You’ve told him you don’t regret being with him at all. Which is another balm on his battered soul. “You want me to cum in that pretty pussy?” He asks, squeezing your ass. “Imagined how you would look dripping me a few times.”

You moan, kissing along his jaw as his words wash over you. “I want you to cum inside of me. Put a baby in me.” You plead, wiggling on his lap. His hair has grown back now, more gray in it, but you love it, and you reach up to run your fingers through his hair.

He groans and captures your lips with his, licking into your mouth immediately as the easy passion blooms between you. His hands move to start stripping you down.

It doesn’t take long for you and Joel to be naked. You stumbled up the stairs to your bedroom, clothes scattered on the trail upstairs and when you lay down on the bed, Joel is immediately hovering over you. Your heart is pounding in your chest and his hand slides along your thigh, cupping your pussy. “I don’t want foreplay. I just want you. Want to feel all of you.” You murmur, caressing his shoulders.

There are times when you want the burn of his cock stretching you out and tonight is one of those nights it seems. That’s good because Joel is impatient to get inside you. He takes his cock in hand and pumps it a few times as he shuffles forward to press against your entrance. “I love you.” He murmurs.

He pushes inside of you, stretching you out, and you gasp out “love you too.” He pushes inside of you until he’s fully seated and you take a deep breath, enjoying the weight of his body on top of yours and the weight of the moment. Deciding to take this step together has your body primed and ready for him. He starts to move inside of you and you wrap your legs around his waist, moaning at the way he rocks into you.

Nearly dying hadn’t had the lasting effects that the doctors had feared when Joel had been brought in. His thrusts are steady, if not a little harder than normal, although he keeps the pace sedate. Not rushing, but he enjoys burying himself as deep as he can go and watching your eyes roll back in pleasure. “Gonna knock you up.” He grunts out.

His words make you clench around him, your hands sliding down his back to squeeze his ass. His recovery has been a miracle from the man who was on death's door to the man currently making love to you trying to get you pregnant. You whimper when his lips find your neck and you rock your hips up to try and meet his.

Every time the two of you come together, Joel remembers how lucky he is. His kisses trail along your throat as he groans into your skin. Both of you give and take from each other. “Fuck, baby.” Joel moans, his body tensing when you clench down around him again. “You gonna cum before I fill you up? Love it when you soak my cock.”

You nod, "yes baby. I - shit - you always feel so good." You slide one hand down between you so you can rub your clit. He immediately bats your hand away after shifting his weight onto one elbow. You moan when he rubs your clit just right, his hips pushing into your ass as you take him deep inside of you. "Shit. Joel. You - I'm - God." You cry out as you clamp down on his cock, soaking him.

“That’s it, good girl, goooooood girl.” Joel moans, clenching his teeth as you come apart around him. He feels his own body is ready to cum, excited by the situation and it only takes a few more thrusts. Instead of pulling his hips back, he plunges them forward, embedding himself deep as he paints your womb with his seed. “Fuck, fuck.” He pants, closing his eyes as he rides out his orgasm, amazed at how good it feels. “You’ll be pregnant in no time.”

You smile against his lips when he leans in to kiss you and you’re so hopeful for the future with Joel. A baby that looks like the two of you combined. You are excited and when he pulls out, you keep his cum inside of you, trying to make sure that it takes. You’ll be pregnant in no time.

****

“Sweetheart….I’m supposed to go ride the southern border and check the area.” You’ve quieted down over the past few hours, but he can still see the sadness lurking in your eyes. You’ve stopped blaming yourself but he knows those thoughts are bouncing around and he’s reluctant to leave you. “Do you want me to have Tommy go? Stay here with you?”

You shake your head, eyes sore from crying, “no baby. Just go. I’ll be fine. Ellie will be back soon.” You murmur, keeping your back turned towards him. You feel useless, you feel broken, and you feel exhausted. You’ve tried so hard to get pregnant. You even researched old wives tales about how to get pregnant. You’ve taken herbs, teas, anything you can to get pregnant and after trying for so long, you’re exhausted.

He worries about you, leaning over and pressing his lips to your forehead. “I’ll be back as quickly as possible and I’ll make dinner tonight.” He offers. It’s the historical Mother’s Day today, and he knows you will be extra glum since you are once again not pregnant. Sometimes he wonders if he should just tell you that he’s changed his mind, taking the guilt and worry about it off your shoulders. You can blame him for not having a child. “Okay?”

“Sure.” You murmur, closing your eyes as a cramp contracts in your stomach, making you curl into a ball. You really thought this was it. Your period was two weeks late and you didn’t tell Joel because you wanted to surprise him and then you got your period. You sniff and Joel sighs, shuffling out of the bed to get ready for his shift. You can’t blame him. He’s had a kid. It’s got to be you that’s the issue.

He’ll look for some wildflowers for you while he’s out. They always make you smile and tonight, he will do his best to make sure that you know that no matter what, he loves you. He thinks about all this while he puts his clothes on and brushes his teeth, coming out of the bathroom to find you still curled up. “Go soak in a hot bath, baby.” He suggests, walking over to the bed and kissing your cheek. “I’ll be back soon.”

You listen to him go and you know it's technically Mother's Day today. Salt in the wound. You swallow harshly and wait until the front door closes before you allow yourself to sob again. You can't believe you aren't pregnant. You've tried so hard. Maybe you aren't meant to be a mother.

Saddling the horse and getting let out of the gates of Jackson has Joel on autopilot. Most often the scouting parties are in groups, but today had been just singles, most men in the community wanting to spend time with their wives and celebrate them. The grass is green and lush; there's a certain beauty to the mild spring transitioning into warmer weather. Urging the horse forward, he is eager to finish the patrol so he can get back to you.

You have your bath, eyes sore from sobbing, and you try to come to terms that you’re never going to be a mother. It’s just not in the cards. You love Ellie and you think of her as your daughter but you wanted a baby, a combination of you and Joel to love and care for in this new world. That isn’t going to happen and you curl around yourself in bed after you’re dry, trying to cope with that fact.

Pulling the reins, Joel listens carefully, certain that he has just heard a cry. His hand goes to his rifle to pull it off his shoulder. Wary of traps or ruses to draw unsuspecting people in, he scans the area. Silence lingers long enough until he’s almost convinced he was hearing things when there’s another, louder cry. A baby. His eyes widen and he nudges the horse forward again. “Hello?” He cups his hand and calls out, wondering if there is a group traveling nearby. There must be, if there is a baby. Mountain lions and things that can sound like a baby crying are farther up in the mountains. Instead of the sound quieting, the crying turns into screaming, giving him a direction to head towards. Joel keeps his rifle up and guides the horse with his knees when he almost stumbles upon the scene. 

“Shit!” There’s a woman lying on the ground, face down with a carrier on her back, a small baby - no more than three or four months old - screaming from the restraints. He scans the areas again, looking for a trap, but there’s nothing moving. The baby's howls prompts him to dismount and move towards the woman, his rifle pointed at her until he reaches them and nudges her with his boot. Wondering if she’s been changed and cannot get to the baby, although he’s never seen one go dormant with a human around and making noise. “Hey…” prodding her doesn’t make her move and Joel scans the area again, the open range not a good spot to plan an ambush, but someone could be hiding in the tall grass. Carefully kneeling down, he grabs a bony thin shoulder and turns the woman enough to see that her gaunt face and shrunken eyes are lifeless. “Shit.” He hisses, looking back at the baby who is almost as bad as the mother. From what it looks like, this poor woman had been traveling to find shelter, food, anything for her and her baby and she collapsed less than two miles from salvation. 

Joel sighs as he sets the rifle down and rolls the body on its side. “I’m sorry.” He murmurs quietly, his heart clenching at the reality of the situation, reaching out to close the woman’s eyes before unbuckling the strap for the carrier that is across her chest.

Ellie returns before Joel does and you offer her a smile as she says hello. “I, uh, I made you something.” She says, handing you a piece of paper. It’s a card. “Happy Mother’s Day” it says and your heart clenches. A genuine smile on your face as you realize she made this for you. You open it and tears sting in your eyes as you read her scrawled handwriting. “Thank you for being the mom I never had.” She wrote and you choke, reaching for her. “I love you so much sweetheart.” You pull her close, reminded that you have a beautiful daughter who loves you. “I love you too.” She murmurs, holding you just as tight. The front door opens and you pull back as you hear a baby crying. “Joel?” You gasp when your partner walks into the kitchen.

“Ellie….go to Tommy’s and get a bottle.” He orders the teenager as he starts to pull the baby carrier off his own chest to take the baby out. He had brought the body back, but this baby needed milk as soon as he could get it for her. “I found her,” he explains. “A woman collapsed two miles away from Jackson, she starved to death.” He motions you over. “At least, I think it’s a girl.”

Your eyes widen as he cradles the baby and you reach out to take them into your arms. The baby’s diaper is dirty and you shush them as you walk over to grab an old dish towel from the drawer as a makeshift diaper. “It’s okay, sweetheart.” You coo, unwrapping the baby on the kitchen table and you tell Joel to get a wet cloth. You work on cleaning up the baby, “it’s a girl.” You announce and wrap her in the dishtowel, using the pin from her old diaper. “It’s okay sweetheart. You’re okay, sweet girl. You’re safe and we are going to get you milk.” You promise, cradling her as you turn back towards Joel. “Her poor mother. So close to salvation.” You sigh, shaking your head at the tragedy.

“I brought her back.” Joel tells you quietly, watching as you bounce the baby girl in your arms and coo at her to calm her down. “Hoping something in her bag would tell us where she’s from, what the baby’s name is.” He sighs softly. “I couldn’t leave her out there.”

“Her mother deserves a service, a burial. We must give this little one a place to visit her mother.” You murmur, stroking her cheek. She’s gorgeous, her eyes watching you, and you try to not get too attached to her, knowing that Maria and Tommy will be handling the situation.

Ellie comes bursting into the house. “Got a bottle!” She yells, thundering down the hall to rush into the kitchen. “Tommy and Maria are coming too.” She pants, quickly handing the full bottle of milk to you. The baby is obviously hungry because the second that you brush the nipple against her mouth, she shakes her little head furiously as she tries to get it in her mouth, crying out before the nipple is in and immediately starting to suckle hungrily with great, greedy gulps.

“We will need more. Tommy and Maria have everything for a baby. We - they should take her.” You murmur, knowing it will be hard to hand the baby over but she isn’t yours and the leader needs to make a decision on her placement.

Joel takes one look at the way you hold this baby while she’s eating and knows that’s not what needs to happen. This baby is your chance to be a mother, to feel like a mother. It’s like it was fate for him to be out there and find her today, to bring her to you. “I think we should keep her.” Joel tells you, coming up and laying his hand on your shoulder. “Tommy and Maria have a lot on their plate with one baby already.”

Your eyes widen as you look at him then back at the baby. “We - us - are you - Joel.” You whisper, a soft smile on your face as you dare to hope that you can keep the little girl. It feels wrong. Her mother just died, but she can’t be left alone. She needs someone to look after her.

The front door opens. “Joel?” Tommy’s voice floats through the house and Joel keeps looking at you with the baby. “In the kitchen.” He calls out. The guards at the gates had kept his horse with the poor woman’s body and he had known Tommy and Maria would come to find out what the hell happened, but he wanted to get the baby here first. Footsteps quickly sound out, two sets of them like he expected and the baby is still greedily sucking away at the milk when his brother and sister in law come into the kitchen.

You look up as Maria walks in, her baby strapped to her chest, and she immediately comes over to see the baby in your arms. “Oh, she’s a sweet little thing. She needs fattening up. Poor girl, her mom was so close to our gates. She needs a mother. You should be her mother.” She says and you stare at her, “are you sure?” Maria smiles, stroking the head of her son. “She needs a mother and you are a more than capable applicant.” She gestures to the way you’re holding the baby. “I- I know this sounds insane but I feel like this is my purpose.” You murmur, looking down at her as she suckles.

Tommy smirks at Joel, who is obviously relieved by the decision. He’s talked to Tommy about the issues you’ve had trying to conceive and wished that there was some way for you to figure out what was wrong, but there just aren’t the medical resources here in Jackson. Joel had even been thinking about trying one of the universities, but couldn’t risk it again. “We both feel that way.”

You smile, cooing at the baby. “Did we find out what her name is?” You ask and Tommy nods, holding up a note that was in the mother’s satchel. “Her name is Hope.” Tommy reveals and you smile, “Hope.” You murmur, pulling the bottle away when she’s done. You shift her to your shoulder to burp her and you cradle her once she’s burped. “She’s our hope.” You declare as you look at Joel and he comes over to wrap his arm around you, looking down at the baby. “Our new daughter.” Joel murmurs, kissing your hair and he beckons Ellie over. “She’s kinda cute.” Ellie says and leans in to stare at the baby. “Hi Hope. I’m Ellie. Your big sister. I’ll teach you everything you need to know. Especially about our grumpy dad.” She jokes and Joel chuckles and rolls his eyes. “We will gather everything you’ll need and we will make sure her mother has a proper burial. For now, you guys settle in as a family.” Maria says, stepping back towards Tommy. “Oh and Happy Mother’s Day.” Maria says to you and you smile, “you too.” You may not be able to have a biological baby but you have Ellie and you have Hope. The two girls who have made you a mother.

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Man, in Halsins confession he is SO "I follow my heart wherever it goes, I go wherever nature wills me. Before we start anything you must know I don't want to take you away from anyone else, I don't want to stop you from being with other people or going wherever you go and you cannot stop me from being what I am"

So the very good communication, clear statement: I want a non exclusive connection with you where we share our bodies together but don't try to control each other's paths/decisions/relationships

And its like oh! That's cool. You're straight up, and this sounds like just a physical addition to our friendship, no strings attached, alright. He WAS clear that he sees love and sex as different (I've had many lovers but my heart does not stir easily, it stirs now) so he IS clear he has real feelings but it's presented fairly casually? And very like 'no big deal if you don't feel the same!"

But then you sleep with him.

And oh my GOSH I can't be the only one who saw that man fall HEAD OVER HEELS IMMEDIATELY. And be like, super insecure about it as well as super upfront? The dichotomy is intense!

He NEVER assumes you're going to choose him or want to be around him any more than usual, and seems genuinely grateful and surprised every time you do. It's like he was setting himself up to be a side piece whether you were in a relationship with someone else or not when this started BUT

He ALSO is very very open about his feelings. "My heart. My love. I was lost until you pulled back the veil." And many many more deeply, deeply felt words. He's in love, AND he kind of assumes this whole thing is temporary.

I say that because of his ending. He says he's leaving, and he's clear the way he was in the beginning - no matter his feelings, he goes where nature wills. So there's consistency there. But he is GENUINELY surprised and DELIGHTED if you say you want to come with him.

My analysis is that he never once let himself believe that he COULD have something more with the PC. He never changes who he is, he's always upfront- if he wants to take another lover at Sharess Caress or bang a friend he has that right and he genuinely wants the PC to do the same if that's what they want too, he doesn't want to get in the way and he doesn't want anyone getting in his way. But. But

His heart does not stir lightly. And it does now

I don't think he's fallen in LOVE in a long time, and he can't believe he's going to commitment from a partner, he thinks he's just going to get a taste of you before you move on.

Being Polyamorous doesn't mean not having dedicated partners, it means not trying to stop your partner from doing what they want. It means being free to sleep with others, and to not stop your partner from leaving if they choose to go elsewhere. The way he words it in the beginning sounds like he means " if passions fade you move on, you follow your heart where it leads"

He just never expects YOUR heart to lead to him

And when it does, he is so, so surprised and grateful and lucky and honored.

He's such a complex character and so different from how I've seen romances shown in video games, movies, books so far I really like him.

[kim-the-miserable-rat]

CITIZENS, yesterday I saw an hour and a half MONOLOGUE ABOUT GRANTAIRE where he talked about the revolution -and his cynicism-, Enjolras (GOSH I SWEAR THOSE WERE THE BEST PARTS) and his past.

IN THE MONOLOGUE, HE THINKS HE'S INSIDE A CONSCIOUS DREAM WHILE SLEEPING IN THE BARRICADES (spoiler: he was dead all along) AN YOU CAN SEE HIM WONDERING INSIDE HIS MIND, FINDING OBJECT THAT ARE ASSOCIATED WITH IMPORTANT THINGS IN HIS LIFE (a canvas, wine, Enjolras vest...) AND DURING THE MONOLOGUE YOU HEAR SHOTS AND GRANTAIRE GROWS MORE AND MORE CONCERNED WITH LES AMIS, TRYING TO REACH THEM (begging them to wake him up, to stop the revolution, telling them he'll stop drinking if that means that they will not leave him alone).

It was in Spanish, but I translated some of the quotes I liked and I'm gonna share them with you -please forgive me if the translations are shitty, im doing my best-:

"YOU BECOME A CYNIC ONCE YOU SHED YOUR LAST TEAR"

"who is more coward, the one who prefers to refuse change and save his life or the one who prefers a paradise even if it means the comrades with whom he's fighting it for must die? A PARADISE WITHOUT COMRADES CAN HARDLY BE CALLED A PARADISE"

I truly believed in you. I believed you blindly. There was no greater joy than seeing myself believing in what you believed so strongly.

The brilliance of your gaze was much more intense and convincing than any argument and if you said that misery would end I believed you.

I looked and listened to you talking; and then, Enjolras, I believed once more."

"Now that I'm dead, I feel like I must ask you: would you choose me over your Patria? You don't have to respond, I already know the answer. I just wanted to hear myself asking it out loud.

I know I can't ask for love from somebody who has sworn eternal love... And regardless, I'll never deserve such a pure heart as yours." (All of this is a conversation he has with Enjolras vest, FYI)

"At that moment I wished I were a national guard, so I could pierce your heart with a spear, to make you feel the pain that I felt in my own heart, if there's really something beating in your chest" (Talking about how he felt after the "you are incapable of believing" incident with Enjolras)

"maybe my friends were the reason I died today, in these barricades; but without them I would have died a long time ago"

"I woke up surrounded by corpses which I didn't dare to identify; and then I saw you.

You were the only survivor, and standing there, surrounded by those armed guards, you were worthy of being in a painting of Delacroix"

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

Maybe someday I'll try to make an edit with the best parts with captions in english for y'all.

Here's the link for anyone interested:

[hoonatic]

sunday mornings | park sunghoon x reader

prompt: sunday mornings are best spent slowly. but there are sheets to be changed and a beautiful boyfriend to stare at. pairing: idol!sunghoon x reader (established relationship) genre: domestic fluff + some hurt/comfort. it was only supposed to be tooth-rotting sweetness, but the sad demons within me won a bit, i fear. word count: 1364 note: this was also supposed to be shorter than it is, but what can i say? i’m a yapper. (also can’t believe i’m writing a fic again but needed to get this one out i guess) enjoy!

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

the sun had risen, but you certainly hadn’t.

after weeks apart, you finally had your boyfriend back in your shared apartment, in your shared bed. it was a sunny, summer morning with no (real) responsibilities to take care of. you were happy, drowsy, and with the love of your life. you just wanted to bask in the moment.

“baby, get up. i need to change the sheets.”

sunghoon obviously did not share the sentiment.

you ignored the slight tugging at your sleeve, choosing to flail your body and turning back to him dramatically. you knew you’d regret that soon enough, given the unhinged level of impatience your boyfriend had. but if it got you a few more seconds of peace, then so be it.

a loud screech of your name and one “wake upppp!!!” later, you felt the regret seeping into every pore of your body.

“hoon, it’s so early. please…”

“it’s almost 9:30. i’ve already showered and i’m all ready to spend the day with you!”

as you continued to ignore him, the tugging became more and more aggressive. soon enough, you felt your entire upper body being lifted. but two could play the petty game - you kept your eyes shut, refusing to look at the thief stealing your sleep.

“baby, how could you rob me of seeing your beautiful eyes?”

“i dunno, maybe the same way you’re robbing me of my beauty rest???”

“beauty rest??? if you get any more beautiful, i’ll have to start dressing you in full-body armor.”

the cringe made you peek open an eye, “you’ve been spending way too much time with heeseung.” but all you could see was his big grin.

“maybe so, but it finally got you to open your eyes, so the full-body chills saying that gave me were worth it.”

“hoon,” you groaned and closed your eyes again, “i just changed the sheets last week. i can change them tomorrow or something if you really want. you don’t want to just laze around together today?”

he didn’t respond as quickly as you’d expect. the silence forced your eyes open - he was biting his lip and staring at you with an unreadable expression. but before you could ask what was wrong, he spoke first,

“that’s exactly it though…”

“what do you mean?” you were fully awake now.

“you spend enough time alone, maintaining this home,” he started, “i’m away all the time and i haven’t been able to help out. this is one of the rare chances to finally start pulling my weight around here. please let me have this?”

you could start to see the guilt swimming around in his eyes and you hated it. “hoon, you act like you’re a deadbeat boyfriend leaving me to do everything alone. baby, you have a job that you love, are amazing at, and that pays our bills. if that means i have to do the sheets, that’s okay.” 

“but you have a job too.”

“because i’m stupid and want to work. seriously hoon, don’t let these things bother you. you give me everything and more than i could ever ask for. we are in this together.” you were stroking his cheek at this point. seemingly satisfied with your response, he nuzzled into your hand, grateful for the comfort.

“are you feeling a little better at least?” you asked, voice patient and hopeful. he nodded and turned to kiss your palm, making you giggle a bit at the ticklish contact. he then shook his dark hair, damp locks lightly spraying you before suddenly pulling you out of bed.

“i’m feeling amazing and like i can take on the world…which includes these bedsheets! now get up so i can change them quickly and spend the rest of the day spoiling you with the love and affection you’ve been starved of.”

you wanted to argue with his statement and accuse him of tricking you out of bed, but knew you shouldn’t. you understood him more than anyone in the world, so you were going to give him this…even if the bed was really, really warm.

so you got up completely, choosing to stand closely in case you could help in any way. but his notorious stubbornness fought you off, gently swatting your hand any time you tried to pry the fitted sheet up.

“baby,” he scowled at you while holding a pillow, “just stand there and look pretty. let your big ol’ boyfriend take care of this for you.”

“big???” you almost saw the moon with how far you rolled your eyes. “your biceps grow half a millimeter and suddenly you–” before you could finish your statement, you felt the impact of the pillow to your face.

“hey!”

“that’s not what your stickers were saying whenever i sent gym selfies to you.”

damn, he got you there. you kept your mouth shut, glaring at his laughing silhouette while he continued to move about. choosing peace, you decided to let that go and finally take the chance to admire your boyfriend.

not only were his arms looking magnificent with every movement he made to change the sheets, but you could just tell how he poured his heart into everything he did. from the bedsheets to his career, he never half-heartedly did anything. he was humming their latest comeback song as he took on the folding of the fitted sheet, and his pride in his passion radiated off of every cell in his body. you were so proud of him, and you could feel your own body almost burst out of pure affection.

after a few minutes, the used sheets and pillowcases were all neatly in his arms, ready for the washer. you giggled a bit before speaking, “leave it to you to make even dirty sheets look clean. i’ll start setting up the new sheets.”

you could tell he wanted to argue, but he knew better.

while he got the washer running, you finished putting down your fluffiest comforter - you had bought it while he was away. you wanted him to have the best during the well-deserved time off he had.

“hoon!” you cheered excitedly when you saw him approaching the doorway. dragging him to sit down in the middle, “try out the new sheets! i bought them for when you came back!”

sunghoon ran his hands across it and patted them a few times for good measure. wordlessly, he grabbed you by the waist and settled your body between his legs. he hugged you loosely, yet lovingly, staring up at you with his chin on your torso.

“thank you, i love you.” such simple, yet meaningful words. you felt butterflies in every corner of your soul.

after a few more comforting seconds of him playing with the hem of your shirt, fingers lightly dancing across the skin that peeked out from under it, you decided to have a bit more fun. 

you quickly took his hands off your back and pushed him to lay back into the bed. you grabbed both sides of the comforter and wrapped him up in it. the best part of it all? he just let you do it, purposely laying limp with a big, curious grin on his face.

“there!” you exclaimed, jumping onto the blanket burrito that was your boyfriend, “now you’re trapped with me forever.”

“it’s not being trapped if i want to be here.” with only his face free, sunghoon smiled up at you, fangs practically piercing your heart with love. you became too flustered to speak, so you took revenge on him instead, planting kisses all over his face.

for a second, you thought he’d shy away a bit. but instead he stuck his head out even more, turning his face to give your lips more access to any piece of untouched skin. you took advantage and continued to give loud, happy pecks, your hands squishing his face. he was finally basking in the moment you had been begging him to all morning, happiness reaching the crinkles of his eyes.

yes, the eventual tour would come soon enough to steal him away. but for now, you were content. for now, this sunday morning was for just you and him.

[rikichie]

Just don't ask me how that huge plush was thrown there

Under the cut, things I imagine in YOI pre-canon, with the ways my thoughts tie into canon to explain why I think them. These are personal headcanons and interpretations.

With Viktor, I imagine his family being high achieving, and Viktor having a lot of expectations on him. And he matches then successfully. But this means his parents think he's doing well, even in moments where emotionally he isn't. They look at achievements rather than looking at him. It's not intentional neglect, they just don't have the awareness of mental wellbeing. He has a bed and food and he's doing well in school and skating, so everything must be okay. It's fine when he's fine, it's lonely when he's not. And it's the first environment that teaches him to match himself to what's expected and wanted of him, fulfilling a role rather than just being.

When he's older, he quietly creates distance. Not cutting them off, but not reaching out. They don't mind. They follow news, and they can show off his success.

When he's young, Viktor loves having fans and being known and admired. Af first he doesn't see downsides to it. And then something happens, as simple as "did you see him throwing the flower at Christophe Giacometti? He was flirting, how cute" - and Viktor realizes his fans will draw their own conclusions and won't believe him if he tries to say they're wrong.

So he starts adjusting his approach. Building a persona, and building walls. Charming smiles that get him anything he wants. Practicing the skill of giving people what they expect. Being what they expect. And then flipping it on its head and surprising them.

If you're focusing on matching and subverting expectations, you're not necessarily being yourself. Any personal exploration of identity is hidden and alone. But on the ice, when he's performing, he can be honest. He can be seen. Because they're going to take it as fake. Think of how Minako reacted to Stammi Vicino - Viktor's earnest plea for someone to stay by his side, well, he's too charming for this to tug at the heartstrings. So he can play with stories that he won't share with anyone any other way, and he knows they'll take it as pretend.. The walls he builds don't allow him to be truly close to people. He has good relationships with other skaters, but emotionally keeps them at arm's length. He doesn't notice he's isolating. Chris and he have fun joke-flirting, but when Viktor steps away from the ice Chris doesn't seem to realize he needs this, isn't close enough to know what he's struggling with. He talks like Viktor is taking away the motivation he's entitled to by choosing to coach Yuuri. His rinkmates see him on good and bad days so they know when he struggles, and Yakov is the only person close to knowing him deeply, but even he doesn't take it seriously when Viktor burns out, so that is still limited.

For Yuri, I think his mother was going through a lot to let his grandfather take care of him. He has a lot of responsibility in that setting, and it all starts when he's so young.

I think, with Viktor being present in his life consistently from such a young age, Viktor is one of the people he sees as family. He absolutely looks up to him, just like he absolutely looks up to Yuuri. And I think he resents the emotional distance Viktor maintains.

He's not very attentive to people in general, but he's the one that explains to us how Viktor feels early in the show. When Viktor left to Japan so suddenly, I think Yura felt abandoned beyond just Viktor forgetting to choreograph a program for him. If it was just the program - he did end up getting Agape, he could have just asked for that, but he tried to get Viktor to go back. I feel like he hates that Viktor went to look for a way to get his spark back somewhere else, instead of staying and finding a way out of his slump with his rinkmates. If what Viktor needs is to coach someone, why isn't Yuri good enough? He's a talented skater and he sees himself as continuing Viktor's legacy, but Viktor chose someone else for that role.

And Viktor did choose Yuuri to continue his legacy. Because Yuuri skates so beautifully, because Yuuri has so much love for Viktor's skating, because Yuuri has drive and ambition and pride and skill and he finds joy in skating, and Viktor wants to nurture all of that into the performance Yuuri deserves to show.

And along the way, he learns how to connect with people as himself. His relationships with Yuuri and Yuuri's family open doors for him to better and deeper relationships with Yuri and Chris and anyone else he wants to be close to.

About Yuuri, there's very little I can say because we know so much. So I'll just share a lighthearted headcanon a few friends and I came up with as a story idea and I just adopted.

I don't share the fanon that Phichit got him into pole dancing. In my mind, he either started himself, or it was Chris - unintentionally. I think they're friends, because of how Yuuri reacted to him in the show, like he's used to him. And I like to think Chris kept saying things that made Yuuri feel competitive. Talking about how it's great for core strength, "but it's probably not your thing." Sent pictures of himself performing difficult moves, and got pictures back because Yuuri was trying to match him or do more difficult things than him. And meanwhile Chris thinks they're showing off to each other for fun. It's how Chris knew Yuuri can keep up with him at the banquet.

I still want to write something for that last bit.

[thewulf]

Escapism || Azriel

Summary: Request -can you make an azriel x night court reader fanfic request? I was listening the song escapism by raye and this just kinda came to me! It's kinda unhinged so you can change whatever if you choose to write it. Y/N and Lucien have been together for like 100+ years but then Elain Archeron comes along and they are mates so lucien begrudgingly breaks up with Reader... Read Rest Here

A/N: This one is sad but gets sweet towards the end. Reader is in her feelings!

Pairing: Azriel x Female Reader (Night Court Reader)

Word Count: 6.1k +

TW: Drunkeness, reader being mean, some physical altercations

Your relationship with Lucien had always felt destined. Willing it to be woven by the threads of fate and bound by centuries of love and laughter. For over a hundred years, you and Lucien had built a life that straddled the boundary between the Autumn Court and the Night Court, which you called home. It was a life full of compromises and sacrifices, but every moment was a testament to the depth of your affection for each other.

But fate had a funny way of not being so destined. Elain Archeron stepped into the picture. Her very presence unraveling the future you had envisioned. When Lucien revealed that Elain was his mate the foundation of your world crumbled. This wasn’t just about losing a lover. It was about the rending of a bond you believed was unbreakable. Lucien’s voice trembled with conflict as he confessed the truth. His amber eyes reflecting a pain that echoed your own. He didn’t want to leave you, but the mating bond was not something either of you could fight. It was powerful, demanding, and absolute. It was destiny.

Amidst your heartbreak a more piercing pain emerged when you discovered that your friends—Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian, and even Nesta—had known about Elain and her bond with Lucien before you did. Half of the Inner Circle knew, and the other half was excluded. Amren, Mor, you and Azriel were the ones left in the dark. They had kept it a secret hoping to protect you from the inevitable heartache. Yet this revelation only deepened your sense of betrayal. How could they, the ones you considered family, keep you in the dark about something that would shatter your life?

The night you found out was an uncomfortable one. You weren't usually one for confrontation, but the rage that built up inside you was ready to explode. As you sat among Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian, and Nesta in the quiet, imposing space of the House of Wind the air felt thick with tension. They began to explain, voices low and fraught with anxiety. They each detailed how they had known about Elain and Lucien’s mate bond for months. Their words were meant to be comforting but were instead filled with reasons and justifications about protecting you from heartache, sparing your feelings until they absolutely had to share the truth.

Sitting across from them in the quietude of the House of Wind you couldn’t hold back the surge of anger and disappointment that welled up inside you. "How could you?" you demanded, your voice quivering not just with sorrow, but with indignation. "You all knew. For months, you knew, and not one of you thought to warn me?"

Rhysand had a somber expression. He was the first to respond. "We struggled with whether to tell you," he admitted. His usual confidence replaced by a hesitancy that did little to quell your growing resentment. "The last thing we wanted was to see you hurt."

"And yet, here I am. Hurt all the same," you shot back. The pain sharp in your voice. "Hurt and betrayed. You chose to protect me from heartache but instead you ensured it."

Feyre reached out with her hand tentative and unsure. "We thought we were doing the right thing. We thought it might not happen. That maybe the bond wouldn’t take hold right away and..."

"And what?" you interrupted ripping your hand away from her touch. "That I’d what? Be spared the pain? Look at me, Feyre. Do I look spared to you?" Your voice was sharp. Sharper than you’d ever spoken to any of them before.

Cassian who was usually the one to lighten the mood sat unusually quiet. His usual bravado nowhere in sight. Nesta had her jaw set, her eyes revealing a turmoil that mirrored your own. It was a rare glimpse into her often-guarded emotions.

"It was never about doubting your strength," Cassian finally said, his voice low. "It was about giving you happiness for as long as we could."

"Happiness built on a lie?" you asked. The irony was bitter on your tongue. "Is that what our friendship is about? Lies?"

The room fell silent, the tension palpable. Each of them struggled with their choices, now clearly regretting the pain those choices had caused. It was evident in their downcast eyes and the slump of their shoulders. It was a shared burden yet unequally felt.

"I'm not just some fragile piece of glass," you continued. Your anger only fueled by their silence. "I deserved to know, to make my own choices. To prepare, or... to say goodbye on my own terms."

The conversation that followed was a painful unraveling of trust and intent. As they each tried to explain, to justify, you realized that this wound would take time to heal. Perhaps what stung the most was the realization that their intentions had robbed you of your agency. Leaving you to a mere spectator in your own life. They spoke of protection. Of sparing you pain. Each explanation threading through the air with the weight of unspoken truths now laid bare. Their voices blended into a cacophony of excuses, each one fueling the fire of your anger and hurt further.

Rhysand’s voice held a note of desperation as he tried once more to explain, "We only wanted—"

"Would you just shut up! All of you!" you erupted cutting him off mid-sentence. Your voice, resolute, sliced through the room. "I don't want to hear it. Nothing you can do or say will make this right.” The room went deathly silent. The gravity of your words hanging heavily between you. Their faces were etched with regret and shock at your outburst. It was a stark reminder of the deep rift that had formed within your group.

You stood abruptly. The chair scraping sharply against the floor. "I can’t be here," you stated flatly. Your voice colder now, resolved. Without waiting for a response, you turned and walked away, each step echoing your departure.

You needed space. Needed air to breathe away from the stifling atmosphere of justifications and apologies. You decided to go to Mor’s place. She too hadn’t known about Elain and Lucien. She hadn’t been part of the deceit that had upended your world. As you left the House of Wind the open sky above seemed to offer the first breath of true freedom since the revelation had shattered your peace.

The walk to Mor’s was quiet. The streets of Velaris holding a serene calm that contrasted sharply with the storm inside you. Reaching her house, you knocked briskly, and she opened the door with a surprised, yet immediately concerned expression.

"Can I stay here for a bit?" you asked without preamble. The weariness in your voice more pronounced now that you were away from the others.

"Of course," Mor responded instantly before stepping aside to let you in. Her eyes searching yours for the pain she was quick to sense. "Whatever you need."

As you stepped into the refuge Mor offered you felt a slight unclenching in your chest. A small relief in the acceptance of a friend untouched by the deceit that had marred your trust in others. You hoped to find the space to heal. To gather the scattered pieces of your heart and perhaps, in time, to forgive. But for now, you simply needed the quiet understanding of someone who had been kept in the dark as much as you had.

Compounding your agony was the necessity to leave the Autumn Court where you had spent half your time with Lucien. You had to come home completely now, full-time to the Night Court. Each step away from the Autumn lands was a reminder of the isolation waiting for you back home. Away from the life and love you had known. The Night Court felt more oppressive than ever. It was supposed to be your sanctuary but now it only served as a cage. It was trapping you with your memories and your pain.

Despite the profound sense of betrayal and the sharp sting of heartache that pervaded your days you chose to stay because Velaris was still home. It was here among the winding streets, the starlit skies, and the vibrant buzz of the Night Court that you had grown, loved, and dreamed. Leaving would mean abandoning not just the place but the fragments of yourself that still clung to the hopes and dreams you’d nurtured here. The thought of leaving Azriel, the one constant who understood your pain without needing words, whose silent strength had become your sanctuary, felt like severing the last thread of stability you possessed. In the depths of your turmoil, Velaris, with all its darkness and lights, remained a place where healing seemed possible. Where the pieces of your broken heart might someday mend.

You withdrew into yourself. Your nights consumed by reckless escapades and endless drinking. You shunned daylight, avoided responsibilities, and ignored the worried glances of your friends. Azriel, who had always been a silent sentinel in your life watched from afar. His shadowed gaze filled with concern that you were too lost in your grief to notice.

This spiral of despair drew you deeper into the depths of the Night Court where you sought oblivion in the bottom of a glass. You hoped and prayed it might wash away the ache in your soul. Your heart felt like a hollow shell, beaten, and bruised by betrayal and loss. You had to wonder if you’d ever find your way back to the light.

As the days bled into nights your world narrowed to the dim corners of taverns and the bitter burn of liquor. Training sessions were skipped, duties neglected. Each glass raised was an attempt to erase the sting of wasted years. You had given a century of your life to Lucien, woven dreams and plans tightly around a love you believed was mutual. Only to find it undone by a destiny that held no space for you. You couldn’t shake the feeling that your love had been a placeholder until his true mate appeared.

You felt like a fool, a pawn in the grand scheme of their secrets and politics. This revelation forced you into isolation. You could hardly stand to look at the people that left you in the dark. Let alone speak to them. Only Mor and Azriel became your solace. Mor who had also been kept out of the loop shared in your feelings of betrayal understanding the deep cut of being excluded by those you loved. Azriel, too, had been kept in the dark, his complicated feelings for Elain used against him to justify the secrecy. You found it cruel. A manipulation of his unspoken affections that only deepened your trust in him, knowing that he, too, had been a victim of their concealments.

Azriel watched over you with a quiet intensity. His shadows whispering of your pain in ways words never could. He knew the depth of your heartbreak having borne his own silent loves and losses. From the shadowed corners of the room, he observed your self-destructive spiral with a growing sense of desperation. There was an understanding in his eyes, a shared recognition of love unreturned that made him reach out to you despite your withdrawal.

Your interactions with Azriel became the few moments of genuine connection in your days. He didn’t push you to speak or to return to the life you’d left behind. Instead, he simply shared your space. Offering you a silent solidarity. His presence was your calm. And in his eyes you found the empathy you’d been denied by so many others. Yet, even this comfort was tinged with the bitter knowledge that it was borne from shared pain. Something created from the fragments of your broken hearts.

On one particularly rough evening, feeling the dull ache of wine coursing through your veins, you sought the familiarity of the library. It was a place that once offered solace, but now it felt like navigating an once beloved yet distant landscape.

Staggering slightly, you found yourself pushing open the heavy door of the library. The scent of old books and ink momentarily grounding you. Inside Mor was tucked into her favorite nook surrounded by a mountain of scrolls and books. Her presence immediately brought a smile to your face and without hesitation you blurted out, "Mor! My girl, let's go to Rita's." Your voice wavered with a mixture of forced cheerfulness and palpable pain betraying your already intoxicated state.

As you made this impromptu invitation you were acutely aware of Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel gathered in a solemn cluster near the grand oak table that dominated the room. Their conversation was likely heavy with undisclosed burdens. They paused abruptly as they noticed your entrance. The library usually a sanctuary of whispered lore and hushed dialogues felt oppressively silent as their eyes fixed on you.

With a deliberate effort to mask your pain with a veneer of cheerfulness you ignored Rhys and Cassian completely. Instead directing your gaze to where Azriel stood, his figure cloaked in customary shadows. "Hi, Shadowsinger!" you exclaimed. Your tone lighter than your heart felt. It was easier to pretend. To keep up the facade of resilience than to acknowledge the jagged pieces of your heart.

Mor quickly stood, catching the tail end of your forced merriment. Her eyes flickered with a mix of concern and understanding. She exchanged a look with the others. Her expression pleading for them to somehow mend the chasm that had opened between you all. But when she saw you purposefully ignoring Rhys and Cassian, her shoulders slumped in resignation. Recognizing the depth of your pain and your current incapacity for forgiveness.

She packed up her belongings. Her movements deliberate. "You're going one way or another, aren't you?" she asked you. Her voice was filled with a sorrow that mirrored your own. It wasn't a question, but a statement. A knowing of the inevitable path the night would take.

"Yes. I need to not think… just for a little while," you replied. Your own smile faltering as the false cheer began to crumble under the weight of your true feelings.

Rhys and Cassian exchanged a glance with a mix of frustration and regret marring their features. They understood that their attempts at reconciliation would be futile this evening. Azriel stood silent and observant. He met your gaze with an intensity that spoke volumes. He nodded slightly. A promise that he would keep you safe even if from a distance.

Even as you grappled with your feelings of betrayal and heartache Azriel had already found it within himself to forgive Rhys and Cass for keeping the truth from both of you. His capacity for understanding their motives. Flawed as they were by their protective instincts, allowed him to see past the pain they had inadvertently caused. Azriel recognized that their actions stemmed from a deep-seated desire to shield both him and you from the inevitable pain of Lucien’s bond with Elain.

You, however, found forgiveness not so easily granted. Your feelings of betrayal were compounded by the thought that your closest friends had decided your fate without your input.  Treating you more like a fragile object to be protected rather than a person capable of facing harsh truths. While Azriel had moved towards reconciliation you remained rightfully stubborn wrestling with a wound too fresh to close

With Mor in tow, you left the library. The heavy silence settling back among the shelves after your departure. Azriel followed discreetly. A shadow among shadows. His concern a tangible cloak around him as he watched you attempt to drown your sorrows under the guise of revelry at Rita’s. The night stretched before you. It was filled with the echoes of what could have been and the sharp sting of what was now your reality.

At Rita’s the ambiance had devolved into a haze for you. Each drink an attempt to erase the sharp edges of your reality. The buzz of the crowd and the clink of glasses were a distant backdrop to the storm raging inside you. As you reached for another glass your movements were sluggish and unfocused. A stranger slipped beside you, his smile too eager, his intentions unclear. He offered you a drink with a slick insistence that made your skin crawl even through the fog of alcohol.

The moment your fingers grazed the cool surface of the glass Azriel materialized at your side. His movements were a blur. The glass knocked from your grasp and shattering against the hard floor with a resounding crash that sliced through the bar's cacophony. "Enough, Y/N," his voice cut through your stunned silence, low and laced with an urgency that tightened his features.

"Why?!" The word tore from your throat, raw and loud, fueled by the sharp bite of alcohol and a torrent of pain you no longer had the strength to contain. "Why do you care? Just let me drown it all out, Az! Let me forget!" Your words were a mix of accusation and desperation spilling out in a reckless cascade.

Pain flickered across Azriel's face His eyes darkening with concern. "It’s not safe, Y/N. That drink. That male was trying to drug you. I can't—I won't let that happen,” he insisted. His voice firm despite the chaos around you.

Rebellion surged within you, potent and bitter. "Don't do this to me, Azzy!" The nickname was usually a term of endearment but now sounded like a rebuke, heavy with your anguish. "You can't save me from this. Let me have this!"

Your attempt to pull away was futile against his strength. Azriel’s eyes scanned the crowd one last time giving more a quick nod, his decision made in the span of a heartbeat when she nodded back. With no other choice as you continued to struggle against him he wrapped his arm securely around your waist and winnowed you both away, the world dissolving into shadows. You reappeared on a deserted hillside just outside the city. The sharp, cold air was a slap against your heated skin. The stark silence a jarring contrast to the noise of Rita’s.

“I can’t watch you destroy yourself, Y/N. I just can’t,” Azriel implored, his voice thick with emotion as he steadied your staggering form.

"Destroy myself?!" you screamed back. The frustration and hurt boiling over. Your hands balled into fists. Your entire body tense with pent-up emotion. "My life is already destroyed, Azriel! I've lost everything. My love, my dreams, my worth! What's there left to destroy?"

In your anguish you lashed out physically, pushing against Azriel's chest with all the force of your despair. He staggered slightly but didn't push back. He of all people understood your need to vent the storm of emotions inside you.

“You haven’t lost everything,” he tried to reassure you but even he knew where your head was at. You weren’t going to listen to him.

"I have!" Your voice broke, raw and quivering with the intensity of your pain. "For a century, I loved him, Az. A century! And for what? To be discarded when his real mate shows up? What does that make me? Just a placeholder? I'm worthless, Az. If he couldn't even love me, who will?"

"No, Y/N, that's not true—" Azriel began but you cut him off again. Your hands pushing against his shoulders trying futilely to move the immovable.

"No, you don't get it!" Tears streamed down your face blurring your vision as you swung a punch. Your fist connecting weakly with his chest. He absorbed the blow with practiced ease. His expression pained more by your words than the physical contact. "Everyone has someone… Feyre has Rhys, Elain has Lucien now... and me? I'm alone. Utterly alone. Who could love someone so... so replaceable?" Your words tumbled out as a cascade of hurt and insecurity forgetting in your pain that Azriel himself had known the sting of unreciprocated feelings.

Azriel caught your wrists gently, stopping your strikes. His gaze intense, a mix of pain and resolve flickering in his eyes. "Y/N, listen to me," he implored. His tone firm yet tender. "I understand more than you know. I've felt that loneliness. That fear of being unloved and replaceable. But you, Y/N, you are not replaceable to me. You’re invaluable. You’re loved deeply by those who truly know you, even if you can't see it right now."

Your resistance faltered with tears spilling over as his words washed over you revealing his own vulnerabilities. You sagged against him, your energy spent, your sobs muffled against his chest. Azriel didn’t just offer comfort. He shared your grief, understanding it from his own unspoken heartaches.

"Because you mean everything to me," he whispered, his voice barely audible over the wind. A confession laden with the weight of his own once-hidden feelings. "And I refuse to let you believe you're anything less than that." In his embrace you felt a sliver of solace pierce the veil of your despair. Perhaps you weren't as alone as you had believed. In the quiet of the night with Azriel, you dared to hope that your heart could find a way to mend.

As your sobs quieted into weary, shuddering breaths on the hillside, Azriel recognized the depth of your exhaustion and despair. With a care born of years spent navigating the shadows, he scooped you up into his arms. His strength a quiet reassurance in the enveloping darkness. You were too lost in your own misery to protest. Your body limp against his chest as he winnowed you both back to the sanctuary of his room.

Once inside Azriel carried you straight to the bathroom. The soft glow of candlelight casting gentle shadows across the walls. Setting you down with the utmost care he turned on the tap letting cool water fill the basin. With a tenderness that contrasted sharply with his usual stoicism, he soaked a soft cloth, wringing it out gently before turning to you.

"You're safe here, Y/N," he murmured. His voice low and soothing as he began to dab at your face. Each gentle touch wiped away streaks of makeup and tears revealing the raw vulnerability beneath. His hands were steady and careful. Moving with a respect that honored your brokenness without making you feel more fragile.

Seeing you so shattered, so utterly surrendered to your grief, stirred a protective tenderness in him. After he had cleaned your face he helped you out of your clothes and into his own. Each movement was respectful and patient. His eyes averted to give you privacy even in your despondent state. He chose a soft shirt and loose pants. Clothes that would comfort rather than constrict. When you were dressed he guided you to his bed with his arm around your waist both a support and a shield. The world seemed to quiet as he tucked you under the covers.

You lay there, a small, fragile form in the vastness of his bed with your eyes staring blankly at the shadowed ceiling. Azriel hesitated, watching you with a mix of concern and a poignant ache to ease your pain. Unable to bear the distance, he lay down beside you. His body a careful line of warmth at your side.

As you lay next to Azriel his presence enveloped you in a tenderness you hadn't fully seen before. The night around you was quiet, the only sound the gentle rustle of the wind outside and your own unsteady breaths. Azriel's room was usually a place of solitude and shadows. It felt different now. Warmer, filled with a quiet strength and a palpable gentleness that radiated from him.

"Let it all out, Y/N," he whispered next to you. His voice was a soft command in the darkness, soothing and deep. His hand found yours under the blankets, his fingers intertwining with yours. You felt a sob rise again. The emotions overwhelming.

He didn't shush you or tell you to be strong. Instead, he squeezed your hand tighter. His grip a lifeline in the turmoil you felt. His presence was a vow of steadfastness. A promise not spoken but felt deeply.

Lying beside him, you realized you had never seen Azriel so openly gentle and caring. His usual reserve and cool demeanor were replaced by an earnest tenderness. It was as if the night had peeled back a layer of his persona revealing the depth of his empathy and the true extent of his kindness. This wasn't the Spy Master known to most. The one that was cold and calculating, always in the background. This was Azriel as only someone he truly cared for might see him. His kindness wasn't just an act of comfort. It was a testament to his genuine concern for you. To love you when you felt most unlovable. To be there in every low and hold you through every shadow.

"I'm not going anywhere," Azriel continued, his voice barely above a whisper. "You are loved, deeply. Even when it feels like you're alone. You are important to me. More than you could possibly know."

With Azriel's words wrapping around you like a gentle embrace you allowed yourself to believe, if only for a moment, that you might one day feel whole again. His kindness, his unwavering support reminded you that even in your most broken moments you were not alone.

Azriel didn't rush you or demand that you compose yourself. Instead, he simply held your hand throughout letting the quiet solidarity of his presence anchor you back from the tempest of your grief. As the emotional exhaustion of the day's events caught up with you, your eyelids grew heavy with the weight of sleep tugging them down.

With Azriel's fingers interlaced with yours and his calm breathing next to you, a profound fatigue began to blanket your senses. It was the kind of tiredness that came from having wept thoroughly and being in the presence of someone who demanded nothing of you but to be yourself. Slowly, the room around you seemed to fade away as you drifted into sleep. The echoes of your turmoil quieting into silence under the protective watch of the Shadowsinger.

As the first rays of dawn began to filter through the curtains you stirred, slowly emerging from the restless grasp of sleep. Your body felt heavy. Each movement laden with the remnants of last night’s despair. As you shifted, trying to orient yourself, you realized you were entangled with Azriel. His arms loosely draped around you, his body a protective barrier against the chill of the morning.

Opening your eyes fully, you met his gaze—alert, intense, yet filled with a softness that was reserved only for moments like this. He had been watching you. His eyes tracing the lines of worry and sadness that had settled on your face even in sleep.

The memory of last night's breakdown. The raw pain, the tears, the desperate words, rushed back in vivid clarity. You were suddenly mortified. The intensity of your vulnerability making you feel exposed and small. You tried to pull away, intending to escape the intimacy and your own mortification. But Azriel’s arms tightened instead, gently but firmly keeping you in place. You faced him, cheeks burning, and your words stumbled out in a flustered rush.

"Az, I... I'm just so—sorry," you stammered as if the words tripping over each other. "For hitting you, and—everything. I wasn’t... I shouldn’t have..."

He was quiet for a moment. His gaze steady and understanding. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and calm, cutting through your babble of apologies with effortless precision. "No apologies," he said simply. His eyes locked on yours conveying depth beyond words. "It’s okay."

"But I lost control, and I—," you tried again. Your voice a tangled whisper of regret and embarrassment.

Azriel gently shushed you with a slight shake of his head. "You needed to let out," His tone left no room for argument. "I’m here. That’s what matters."

Your attempts to articulate the mess of emotions felt cumbersome and inadequate compared to his succinct reassurance. You swallowed hard. Your next breath shaky as you tried to reconcile the kindness in his actions with the turmoil you felt inside. The warmth of his embrace, the quiet strength in his few words, slowly coaxed the walls around your heart to lower. His acceptance was simple and unwavering. It granted you the space to be vulnerable without the burden of judgment.

"You're here," you spoke softly. A statement rather than a question. You allowed yourself to lean back against him, finding a measure of peace in the security his presence offered. In the quiet that followed his steady breathing became a reassuring rhythm in the soft light of dawn, anchoring you amidst the remnants of last night’s storm.

As you settled deeper into Azriel's embrace, comforted by the warmth of his body and the protective enclosure of his wings around you profound sense of security enveloped you. His wings isolated you from the chaos of the world and allowed the weight of your troubles to recede momentarily.

Within this intimate cocoon Azriel's hands gently soothed you, tracing calming patterns along your back and occasionally running his fingers through your hair easing away the knots of both stress and sadness. This gentle touch, combined with the protective embrace of his wings, invited a deeper relaxation and a fleeting peace.

"You're safe here," Azriel whispered. His voice a soft rumble that was both reassuring and grounding. "You will always be safe with me."

His words were simple yet deeply meaningful. They comforted you, encouraging a slow, steadying breath as each word seemed to ease a little more of your turmoil. Surrounded by his presence the room no longer felt like just a physical space but a sanctuary against all your fears and uncertainties.

As Azriel offered a rare comfort his mind was awash with thoughts and feelings for you. He had always admired your strength, your grace, and the kindness that seemed to illuminate your every action. Even when you were with Lucien he had noticed how your presence could soften the hardest of hearts and brighten the darkest corners. His feelings had been kept hidden. A secret shadowed beneath his stoic exterior as you had seemed unreachably intertwined with someone else.

Azriel's interest in Elain initially served as a safe distraction from confronting the deeper, more intense feelings he had for you. Now with the situation having changed and the possibility of being more than just friends emerging. He realized that his feelings for Elain had been a way to guard his heart against the more daunting prospect of a deeper connection with you. Recognizing this, Azriel was determined to be patient. He understood the importance of timing and your need to heal. He knew that any possibility of exploring something deeper with you would require careful consideration and respect for your emotional state. Thus, he was prepared to wait. He would offer his support and presence as you navigated your path to recovery, hoping that when you were ready, he might have a chance to express his true feelings.

In this quiet moment as dawn's light began to seep through the curtains, Azriel made a promise to himself for you. He would be there for you not just as a protector or a friend, but as someone who loved you deeply. Even if that love must remain unspoken for now. He would help you heal, support you in finding yourself again, and offer his love silently, unwaveringly, during the times you found it hardest to love yourself.

"Whatever comes next, I'm here. We'll face it together," he murmured. His voice a soft echo in the quiet room. This promise was not just a commitment to support you through your healing but a silent acknowledgment of his hopes for the future. A future where, when you were ready, he might share his heart openly with you. For now, though Azriel would be your steadfast shadow, a silent guard to you with a love profound yet patient. Waiting for the moment when your heart could welcome the depth of his.

As the morning stretched lazily into afternoon, the quietude of Azriel's room was punctuated only by the soft, rhythmic breathing of you resting against him. The previous turmoil had ebbed away leaving a calm that hadn't been felt in a long while. In this peaceful interlude you slipped back into a deep, restorative sleep, cradled by the warmth of Azriel and the secure embrace of his wings.

While you slept Azriel carefully extricated himself to prepare a simple yet thoughtful meal. He moved quietly, his shadows flitting about, almost as if they were checking on you. Ensuring that your slumber was undisturbed. He returned with a plate bearing a light lunch.

As the soft light of the afternoon filtered through the curtains you slowly awoke from the deep, restful sleep. You had been vaguely aware, even in slumber, of their comforting presence. Something that went beyond Azriel's physical proximity. It was his shadows, those silent watchers that typically hovered at the fringes, manifesting his will, and echoing his moods.

These shadows which normally adhered to Azriel’s strict commands with unwavering discipline, had over time, subtly changed their behavior around you. It started with small gestures—shifting slightly to cloak you in warmth when a cool draft swept through the room, or playfully fluttering around when your spirits were low, trying to elicit a smile. Gradually they had begun to act almost independently when it came to you. They were drawn to your innate warmth and light. The same qualities that Azriel himself cherished deeply in you.

As you stirred awake, stretching and yawning, the shadows seemed to mimic the morning’s embrace. Azriel watched from beside you with a slight smile playing on his lips as his shadows caressed your arms and legs. They were reluctant to withdraw their gentle touch even as you became more alert. He made a subtle gesture, a silent command for them to give you some space, expecting immediate compliance as always.

To his surprise and slight amusement, the shadows hesitated. They lingered around you. Their formless caresses a tender contradiction to their usual stark obedience. When you noticed their reluctance to leave you couldn’t help but to giggle. The shadows seemed to flutter with a visible delight, moving closer as if encouraged by your laughter.

"It’s okay, Az," you said. Smiling at the unusual scene. "I don't mind them, really. I actually quite like them."

At your words the shadows almost appeared to swoon, swirling around you with what could only be described as affectionate enthusiasm. Azriel watched this with a raised eyebrow and an ever-widening smile, clearly amused by their outright defiance when it came to you.

"They're not usually this defiant... or affectionate," Azriel remarked. His voice tinged with both bemusement and a hint of pride. "Seems they've taken quite a liking to you."

You watched the shadows swirl around with a playful grace. Their cool touch leaving a trail of goosebumps on your skin. Smiling, you responded, "The feeling's mutual." At your words, one of the shadows playfully swooped up mimicking a kiss on your cheek.

The whimsical gesture drew another giggle from you, a sound so light and joyful that it seemed to brighten the entire room. Azriel watched you with a deep warmth filling his heart as your laughter echoed softly. The sound so rarely heard in your despair was so full of life and free from the burdens you had been carrying, It was a melody he hadn't realized he'd been longing to hear. It reminded him of the resilience and beauty within you, qualities he had always admired now shimmering through even in your laughter.

Azriel’s gaze softened as he watched you interact with his shadows. The corners of his eyes crinkling with genuine delight. It was rare for him to see his shadows disobey but in this instance he found the situation endearing rather than concerning. The shadows, so attuned to his deepest feelings perhaps recognized the special place you held in his heart and chose to express their fondness in the only way they knew how.

As you continued to enjoy the playful affection from the shadows, Azriel leaned back, content to observe the bond forming between you and parts of his own essence. This moment, light-hearted and filled with laughter marked a significant turn in your relationship. It showed not only his own deepening feelings but also the unique acceptance of his shadows, making you a cherished presence in both his world and theirs.

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[residentflamingo]

Twice Members’ Favorite Places to Kiss You

Twice x fem! reader

Genre: fluff!!

Warnings: so sweet you’ll get a toothache <3

A/N: I have so many good drafts I want to share with you guys, but my motivation has been at 0% because school has been kicking me in the ass 💀✌️ But lately I have been getting a lot better, so more works are expected to come soon! Which also means I will be opening back up my requests box :D Someone did request me to write something a long time ago, and I’ve been steadily working on it over time. It’s got about 3,000 words on it, so as long as my lazy ass doesn’t put it off to writing it, that draft will be coming out soon as well. Thank you to all of you lovely people who have been patient, and also the ones that have been liking my posts. You guys are phenomenal and I love and appreciate all of you ❤️

Nayeon

Lips ♡

A very standard one, but well suitable for her

She loves how soft and plump your lips are

Like Sana, Nayeon is a very affectionate person

So after she’s had a loooong day at the studio, all she wants to do is give you some repetitive and silly kisses that end up in slow and passionate ones

(Sometimes she’ll even bite your lip if she’s feeling a little bit frisky that night…)

“Oh my gosh I missed you so much Y/N. You won’t believe how many new dance routines they made us learn today.”

Her favorite kinds of kisses are good luck kisses and goodnight kisses <3

(And the passionate ones of course ;)

Nayeon loves how sweet it feels to be able to show her love through a kiss, and be able to feel your soft lips in the process

Kissing your lips make her feel grounded, and wanting nothing more than to spend every moment of every day with you

Jeongyeon

Forehead ♡

Very domestic and homey feeling for her

Her kisses are always very sentimental and sweet

She doesn’t kiss as often as other people, which makes the wait worth it every time

“Here honey, you go lay down and rest. I can do the rest of the laundry for you.”

Always kisses you randomly and making sure it catches you off guard

She loves seeing you all flustered and shy <3

Kissing you on the forehead reminds her of being married to you someday, and just being able to protect you from harm

You are everything to her, and she never wants you to feel anything less than that

And if you’re shorter than her, then it’s an even better reason for her to kiss you on the forehead <3

Will also give you the biggest kiss when she comes home from work 🥺

“I missed you so much honey, what have you been up to?”

Momo

Tummy ♡

When you had previously told her about being insecure about your tummy, you never thought she would take it so seriously

But oh boy how wrong you were

It instantly became Momo's favorite place to kiss you

Momo made sure to always remember it so she could prove your insecurities wrong

She loves how soft and chunky your tummy is, and just can't ever get enough of it

Also loves how much you giggle when she kisses you

If you ever have those days where you're not feeling too great, she will start giving you kisses there first and make sure you feel so loved and beautiful

“You are so beautiful Y/N. Don’t you ever forget it.”

“Your stretch marks are not ugly at all honey I promise. They make you look even more gorgeous.”

She will sometimes leave hickies and bite marks there too, but only when she’s in the mood and you give her permission

If you are also pregnant, she will not hesitate to smother your tummy in kisses then too <3

It would be almost impossible for her to keep her hands off of you

Her end goal is to always make you feel loved, and to remind you that you are the most beautiful woman she has ever set her eyes on

Sana

Dimples ♡

We all know Sana is a very affectionate person. So choosing her favorite spot to kiss you would be impossible right?

Nope not at all for her.

The first thing that had drawn her to you was your radiant smile

But the deal breaker was the dimples that came along with it

She just couldn’t get enough of them

Once you guys had been dating for about 3-4 months, you both had gotten very comfortable with each other and started being all lovey dovey and such

That was when you noticed how much she loved to kiss your dimples

Any chance she could get, she made sure to kiss you in that same spot

It never failed to make you blush every time, and that’s part of the reason why she would constantly kiss you there

She also loves how well they compliment your face, and how adorable they make you look

“Y/N have I ever told you how much I love your dimples? They make you look so cute!” *pinches your cheeks*

Jihyo

Cheeks ♡

She doesn’t mind kissing on the lips. She loves it actually, but she just enjoys kissing your cheeks even more

Jihyo’s kisses are the most genuine ones you will ever feel in your entire life

Sometimes it’s hard for her to say how much she loves you outloud, so she’ll express it through her kisses

When you’re having a bad day and come home tired, she’ll wrap her arms around you and give soft pecks on your cheeks

Or when Jihyo has to leave for early morning dance practice, she’ll slowly wake you up by peppering your face with kisses too

It’s just a super sweet gesture for her, and your puffy cheeks are too cute for her to not kiss anyways

She loves the way you blush when she randomly walks up to you and kisses you

Jihyo adores you so much, even if it’s hard for her to say outloud sometimes

When she does, she makes sure it meaningful, and at the perfect time

“I love you so much Y/N. Even if I don’t say it outloud that much, I really do. You’re my world, and I never want you to feel any lesser than that.”

Mina

Nose ♡–-

When you confessed to her that you hated the shape/size of your nose, she made it one of her top priorities to make you feel less insecure about it

Her shy persona may keep her from expressing a lot of things, but it didn’t stop her from showing her affection for you

You were used to her always giving you warm hugs, and very soft kisses on the lips

But when she added your nose to the agenda, it was game over for you

She loves to kiss your nose when you look super cute, and she can’t handle it

Or when you’re doing something sweet for her like washing the dishes, or doing her laundry. She’ll always find a way to pay you back with affection

“Thank you so much baby. You’re so sweet.”

Over time your insecurities had slowly gone away after receiving so much love and support from her, making your nose the very very least of your worries

Having someone like her in your life made you realize that looks weren’t every thing, and that you never have to worry about when you’re with her

“Honey your nose is so cold. *kisses your nose* Here let me kiss it some more so it will feel warmer...”

Dahyun

Hands/ fingers ♡

Dahyun is very loving and sweet

She loves to hold your hand when you two are walking around Seoul together, or just cuddling on the couch

She loves the intimacy it brings between you two

If she doesn't express her love with words at the moment, she will express it with actions

She'll bring your hand up to her lip and pepper your knuckles, fingers, and whatever else with kisses

Something else that she would never admit, is how she loves the softness of your hands

It reminds her of when she was little, and she would hold her mother’s hand

Dahyun wants you to feel loved and adored by her at all times, even if it’s not verbally

When you guys are at restaurants, she will have no shame holding your hand from across the table and kissing it

“Dahyun be careful. People might see us.”

She’ll just laugh and say, “Let them. Nothing will ever stop me from expressing my love for you darling.”

Chaeyoung

Jawline/Neck ♡

We all know Chaeyoung is a big romantic

And can sometimes be a bit flirty with it too

So it’s no surprise that her favorite place to kiss you, would be the most intimate and steamy

Even though it is her favorite spot to kiss you, she doesn’t really kiss there very often

But when she does, she makes sure to go all out

She loves how intimate it is, and loves hearing/ seeing your reaction every time she kisses in that area

Most definitely will leave hickies too, so be aware when she starts going to town down there

“You like it when I kiss you like this baby?”

You can just already see her smirking while saying that…

She loves riling you up and making you melt from her touch <3

Tzuyu

Ears ♡

Tzuyu is a one-of-a-kind woman, and the sweetest one you have ever met

When you guys first started dating you it stayed at the awkward stage for a little bit longer than most couples

But when she started warming up to you, her affection towards you became even greater

It started with little kisses on the nose, then on the cheek, lips, she eventually progressed to your ears

You thought it was weird at first, but you eventually grew to love it

Tzuyu loves to hug you from behind because of the height difference, and she’ll often whisper in your ear how much she loves you

Sometimes she’ll nibble a little bit too after kissing it, but not very often

If you have slightly larger size ears, she would tease you about it every now and then

But not enough to where you would feel insecure

She just thinks your ears are super cute, and make you even more loveable

"I love you so much Y/N... Don't ever change. You are perfect just the way you are."

[shiftinglea]

Death doesn’t exist.

Interestingly, in order for me to accept that I was the creator of my life, I had to learn more about death. It was a missing puzzle piece that allowed me to remember that I am God and can manifest whatever I desire.

But before that, I was quite doubtful about my ability to create. I would persist and believe (or try to anyway), but underneath all that, I had this encompassing fear of failure. Fear that by the end of my life, I would still not have succeeded with my manifestations. Fear of dying in regret and disappointment for not experiencing the life I desire.

And I thank my soul for guiding me to the book “Home with God” by Neal Donald Walsch, which allowed me to remember that there is no death. This book is a dialogue between the author and The God (aka the source of everything). When I was reading that book, it didn’t feel like I was learning something new. It felt like remembering something I already knew.

And in this post, I’ll be sharing information about death from that dialogue. Obviously, it’s your choice to believe it. But I would recommend you not listen to your mind. Listen to your soul; it speaks to you through your feelings. Intuition. Allow yourself to FEEL the information I’m sharing. Do not use logic for that; it’s quite limiting. So here we go:

Learning about death allowed me to stop fearing dying in regret and disappointment, which then produced confidence in my manifesting abilities and feeling at total peace every single day. There is nothing to be afraid of. Why? Because death doesn’t exist, and this is what I mean by that:

When people speak of death, they mean the end of life. But your life never ends. It’s the physical body that dies, and then at that moment, you discover that you are still alive. You keep on existing just in a different form. Death is simply an experience of leaving 3D and entering another dimension. And what’s the most fascinating thing: it’s different for everyone, or the experience of it is more like. Same with your life in physical form: it’s different for everyone depending on your beliefs, perception, and assumptions. You choose the experience of your life (consciously or unconsciously). The same with death: you choose your own experience of it. But what’s the same for everyone is that “death” has 3 stages.

The first stage is the same for everyone. “In stage one, at the moment of your death, you will instantly experience that life has gone on. This will be the same for everyone. There could be a brief period of disorientation, as you come to realize that you are not with your body, but, instead, are now separate from it.” During this stage, you realize even though your body died, your life hasn’t ended. For most people, it will be the first time they realize that they aren’t their bodies. The body is something you have. It’s not what you are. And then you move into the next stage.

The second stage is where everyone’s experience is unique depending on their beliefs about what happens after death:

• If you believe in reincarnation, for instance, you may experience moments from previous lives of which you have no previous conscious memory.

• If you believe that you will be enfolded in the embracing arms of an unconditionally loving God, that will be your experience.

• If you believe in a Day of Judgment or a Time of Reckoning, followed by paradise or damnation for all eternity, you will experience being judged and the judgment will turn out exactly as you imagined it would.

• If you died thinking that you deserve heaven, you will immediately experience that, and if you think that you deserve hell, you will immediately experience that. Heaven will be exactly as you imagined it would be, as will hell. If you have no idea about the specifics of either, you will make them up right on the spot. Then, these places will be created for you that way, instantly. You may remain in these experiences as long as you wish.

What’s important to know is that there is no Hell. But you can create hell for yourself if you choose to or believe that’s what you deserve.

However, you won’t stay there for one moment longer than you choose to. The moment you decide that you are done experiencing it, it’s finished. The same with Heaven.

Everyone remembers in the 2nd stage that they create their reality: in the physical and spiritual. In the physical realm, our creations may be delayed. But in the spiritual realm, our manifestations are instant. So you can experience whatever you desire for however long you wish. You can relive your life again or create a new one and enjoy that life for however long you want, and it will feel as real as in 3D. So during the 2nd stage, souls remember that they create their experiences and it’s instant. When they are done experiencing their creations, they move to the 3rd stage.

During the 3rd stage, you experience Ultimate Reality, which is merging with the Essence (God/Creator of all). You are enveloped with the infinite source of love and peace. You become one with The Creator. This is where you came from. It’s pure void. You are a pure being.

Every aspect of itself, every “good” and “bad” trait the soul thought it had is being absorbed by the Creator. It melts all shame, pride, fears, every character trait and leaves the soul with a beautiful emptiness. Experiencing nothing but Oneness. “Now you are merged with this Light and you feel dissolved. This “melting” completes the change in your identity. You no longer identify yourself in any way or at any level with the separate aspect of being that you called “you” in your physical life.”

The most fascinating thing is that you can experience the merging with everything during your physical life. This is what the void is for. When you reach the void state, you merge with Oneness where creation is instant.

During the 3rd stage of death, you can stay merged with the Creator for as long as you desire. But you won’t stay there forever because that’s it’s not what you desire. Because if you stay forever in this pure bliss and ecstasy, you would stop identifying it as “bliss” and “ecstasy”. Because there is nothing else there. There is no opposite of that. So you will desire to recreate yourself anew and choose your next physical incarnation because that’s the only way for you to experience your own magnificence.

The purpose of death is to reestablish your identity and to help you remember who you really are: One with God, an infinite source of creation. The purpose of physical life is to experience this knowing.

I want to point out the importance of your system of beliefs because they shape your life and your death (during the 2nd stage). You are constantly creating your reality. In physical life and after that. Some people think different rules apply in death (or in life). But no, it’s the same rules, the only difference is that your creations are instant after death. But again, they can be instant in your physical realm if you choose to believe that you can create instantly. It’s all about your beliefs and assumptions.

For most people who aren’t into LOA and don’t know that that’s are creators of their reality, their “death” will be the moment of remembrance that they are indeed creators. That they never stopped creating and they will see it clearly. But they don’t have to wait until death to experience themselves as God and creators. You can do it in physical life. It’s always your choice. You shape your life in physical and your life in spiritual.

For me, knowing more about death allowed me to stop feeling anxious about whether I’ll manifest my dream life before I die. The fact is that I never die, I just change my form. Life is eternal. It’s the body that dies. But you are not your body. It’s something you have. It helps you to experience wonderful things that you have chosen to experience.

[3uthym1c]

𓆩⚝𓆪 ☒ 𝐏𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐀 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐝! 𝘈𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘍𝘶𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳

𓏲 ๋࣭     ࣪ ˖    ⋆ ࣪.     ˖ ࣪⭑  ˖ ࣪ ٬     ุ๋ ⸱    ִֶָ . ָ࣪   ˑ ֗⭑  ˖ ࣪ ٬     ุ๋ ⸱    ִֶָ . ָ࣪   ˑ ֗ ˖    ⋆ ࣪.     ˖ ࣪⭑      ࣪ ˖    ⋆ ࣪. ⸱    ִֶָ . ָ࣪  

Ꮺ Read before getting into your group please! THERE IS A MESSAGE FOR EVERYONE AT THE END!!!

Hey y'all, it's me and I'm back. I told y'all I don't have a PAC uploading schedule 😭. I honestly just do it whenever I feel that I have the energy and then recharge. Perhaps when I'm in my "tarot reading hibernation" I'll take free requests so stay tuned (I'll have to figure out rules for requests first 😭).

Remember that you can pick more than one and to choose what resonates and STAY HYDRATED!!! I've never done a love reading before so feedback would be very appreciated.

⋆｡° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴏɴᴇ

For physical features I see that they have brown hair (light or dark brown). For some, your partner might have dreads, locs, or very intricate braids. Their skin may be brown or tanned (or tan easily). They have such an infectious and bright smile, it's like their whole face lights up and it's so beautiful to everyone seeing it. They're muscular, but in skinny way? I don't know how to explain it. Kind of like runners? As for their clothes or clothing style, they might wear either all black or white with a few pops of color. Like an example would be a dark t-shirt with a bright red collar thing and a necklace with a big yellow crystal.

They carry so so so much enthusiasm. Right off the bat they just bring a light very few can bring. They bring so much to people just by existing. inspiration, hope, enlightenment even? They don't even have to be extroverted they just have and give so much energy. They have so many silly little thoughts they share every now and then that seem to come out of nowhere. Their biggest character strength is gratitude. They feel so thankful for everything and everyone and they'll let you know. Oh my god pile 1 you're so lucky this person is so in love with life and will make you in love with life even more than you currently do. They will make you love being human the and feeling and tasting and dancing and experiencing that come with it. It'll have you seeing beauty in the everyday things.

Right now they're going through some really intense spiritual transformation. They need to learn to ask for help when they need it. They'll do well though. They'll find a lot of things could've been solved by just asking for help. Both you and them are at the beginning of your journeys (that doesn't mean your journey is long though), so if you guys think things are already good then I'm thinking of the phrase "universe, show me how good it can get". They're such a good cook & baker by the way. They have a lot of earth and fire placements. Extremely romantic in both the loveydovey type and the artsy sense.

When you come into their life it's very much random and unexpected. My sister just unexpectedly found an item that cleans her flute so I'll take it as a sign that you guys meet at a music / dance event or concert. Perhaps in the same class taking music lessons. Also random message: this meeting is just unavoidable, no matter what you do they'll find their way to you so don't worry. Even if you guys meet, have a conversation, and leave, you guys will keep bumping into each other. Months into your relationship, both of you will look back at this meeting as something purely magical. If they don't believe in fate or magic or some higher power, this will change their mind.

I'm also hearing, "It's so beautiful how deeply you feel." You may have been looked down on for being "overly sensitive" and "caring too much" but they very much appreciate it. Also hearing "Whatever you say, beautiful." like if you told them to do something crazy they wouldn't even question it. Literally remembered this image:

🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: The Chariot (representing them), Ruby, the word "baroque", Soprano, Clownfish, Horses, Bells, Lemons, roses, letter S.

⋆｡° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛᴡᴏ

Straight dark brown or black hair, they like wearing more simple outfits most of the time with neutral colors but there will be days where they're like "screw it I'm going to dress all fancy just to go to the library". Often carries a backpack or suitcase or purse everywhere. Worst case of RBF (resting bitch face) ever, but their face is so gentle and pretty too. Maybe wears black glasses (maybe prescription maybe not). A little random but you might find that they look so hot when they're focused? Really nice hands, they might like to wear rings or gloves. Would probably let you paint their nails.

But when you get to know them they're actually goofy and sometimes they don't even know it. "Apartment complex? I find it quite simple actually." vibes. I think a lot of people don't like how confident they look and say stuff like "They think they're better than us." when they never even act like that. Warning they have so many haters and it isn't because they even did or said anything, people see them and their confident energy and assume so so SO much about them. They don't know that though, because to them it seems like they hate your S/O for no reason and they're so confused. In reality they're so soft and kind hearted.

Random thing - they might really like penguins? They have ungodly amounts of patience for everything and everyone it's mind boggling. They're either interested or uninterested in things, so if they're interested they will put their heart and soul into whatever it is. You can see it so well in their work and career, whatever it may be. Embodiment of the word "Meraki". Btw your S/O doesn't want me to "spoil any surprises" take it as you wish.

EDIT: Holy shit there was whole entire paragraph about what I'd guess is the "surprise" that somehow didn't end up in the reading when I copy / pasted it from Notion to tumblr?????

Going to add more to this, it seems that your partner is super shy and a little awkward if that makes sense? Like, if you ever have done readings about specific people, while you may not HEAR their voice, you can kind of feel the vibes of them talking? They kind of remind me of the smell after the rain (which if you're curious, no it was not raining at the time of me doing this reading).

🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: Meraki (obviously), Cats, purple & blue, the letter R, birds visiting your backyard often, 777,

⋆｡° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

Instead of starting with physical appearance I think I want to start off with what they're like. Right off the bat their energy is very easy to tap into (in a good way). In fact, after I was done with pile two, I kept on getting intuitive messages for two whole days on what they're like. This whole entire pile I didn't even have to draw a single card. at all. They're extremely talkative, and I wouldn't be surprised if you constantly recieved messages and signs from them. I'd imagine it would be like recieving a loud notification on your phone because honestly whatever chance they get, their higher self constantly is there checking in on you.

They have an incredible sense of humor first of all. They will never fail to make you laugh. I hope this makes sense, but they're almost like a walking four leaf clover or lucky charm. Wherever they go they just bring good luck to themselves and people around them. Perhaps their very existence is a miracle. Their birthday may be in May. This is going to sound weird and no shade to your S/O but they're the type of person you wouldn't expect to be so smart. Usually people think of smart people as like, these serious nerdy looking people, but this person is genuinely so so smart and good at talking to others.

I bet how you guys will meet is that you'll be struggling with something and they'll walk into your life and help you. They have the sort of magic of a teacher that can explain the hardest topics so easily. One of their weaknesses is that they're a little too afraid to ask help for themselves. This person isn't JUST good boy/girl/joyfriend material, but also a great spouse.

Wouldn't be surprised if they have light hair or are ginger. If they have dark hair it's probably dyed. Their hair is so fluffy and if it's long it's very nice to just run your hand in. A very comfortable style, I could imagine that they sometimes wear soft pastel colors (Blue, green, orange mostly) or neon. Hoodlies, loose clothing, handmade clothes.

🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: Four leaf clovers, 444, cats with different colored eyes (kinda specific), spiders, random light colored yarm / wool.

⋆｡° ✮ ᴘɪʟᴇ ꜰᴏᴜʀ

Your partner is probably much taller than you. They probably have silver jewelry and long hair. They put in a LOT of effort into how they look, they always look so fashionable. They also take great care of their body too. I don't think it's to the point where they're vain though, they just take care of themselves and like dressing cool. They may have blue, green, or grey eyes.

First of all, this may come to a shock to you but your partner is very spiritual. When you meet them they'll probably have already spent years learning about and practicing their spirituality. Everyone that meets them thinks that they're mentally just wise beyond their years, and I don't mean when it comes to academics (though that might be the case). There's just something about them that makes them feel like they've been on this earth for a long long time and have witnessed many things and met many people.

They may actually be a historian, anthropologist, archivist, librarian, psychologist, or sociologist. Okay I've just been having this stuck in my head while doing this reading but I'm imagining like, a rock or statue with moss growing on it. Also I'm feeling strangely calm and warm right now. I don't know if "calm" would even describe it, it's like complete serenity.

When you meet them it might be in somewhere incredibly crowded, but it'll feel like it's just the two of you. You could maybe meet them through a friend and have a nice long night drive talking to each other. They genuinely love you. I mean obviously this is a future partner reading so of course they would, but this love runs so deep. There's not any way that I can get you to fully understand the depths of this love, so you'll just have to wait and see!

They're the type of person that makes people comfortable enough to be themselves without worrying about judgement, mostly because to be honest this person is seen as "weird" themselves. You make them love humanity, is another message I'm getting.

Also a note that I didn't even pull cards for this, it was all intuitive so usually I take it as a sign this person's energy / presence is strong and you probably receive messages and signs from their higher self a lot. Or maybe their 3d human self consciously sends positive energy your way, a sign of this is randomly feeling warm and cozy and calm for no reason. P.S. they probably think about you as much as you think about them.

ALSO!!!! PILE 4 don't stop reading it yet there's a message I got for you guys but I feel called to put it at the end separately for all of the piles!

🍈 ☒ Key Words / Items / Etc: 888, blueberry, lights that flicker for no reason, or maybe dreams where you see some sort of light floating around, rainbows, bees, Magician card, the word "arbiter"

𝕄𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕒𝕘𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝔼𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐 ℙ𝕀𝕃𝔼!!!

I know someone (not all of you) is thinking "Nahh this sounds too good to be true", well 1. that's the magic of soul connections and love & 2. Please stop lowering your standards because it's "unrealistic" because I swear you're not asking for much from a person. You deserve something "too good to be true" bestie (And also, remember, YOU are a dream come true for them too 😭).

"Why me what's so special about me 🫤 " on god you're the type of person who asks for signs from your spirit guides and then ignores them like they're tiiiireeedddd. Real talk though, you don't know how beautiful you are to a strangers eyes because you grow accustomed to your face. You don't know how smart and amazing you are (and yes knowing a lot about a random show or book or random subject counts as being smart shhh).

You are so perfectly human you just DON'T KNOWWW. I

f you think like this (or even if you don't because we should all do this), I'm giving you homework. Make a list of everything you are grateful for yourself for doing / being, what topics and interests you have, your favorite fashion style, achievements, color, animal, your favorite song, things you have around the house that you like and why, etc.

YOU ARE AN INTERESTING PERSON!!!! If you have a good relationship with your parents / guardians or grandparents or aunts or siblings, ask them what they love about you. Get to know yourself!!! A lot of things are cool and special about you!!!!!!!!!

-Eiki

[getosbigballsack]

Toni, I need SatoSugu x Chubby introverted reader 🥺

Can you write something for my pitiful soul 🥺❤️

𝑫𝒐 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑾𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂... 𝑫𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑼𝒔

𝐺𝑒𝑡𝑜 𝑆𝑢𝑔𝑢𝑟𝑢 𝑥 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑥 𝐺𝑜𝑗𝑜 𝑆𝑎𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑢

𝑆𝑦𝑛𝑜𝑝𝑠𝑖𝑠: 𝑎 ℎ𝑜𝑡 𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑐𝑎𝑛 𝑜𝑓𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑑 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔.

𝑊𝑎𝑟𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔: 𝑈𝑛𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑠𝑒𝑥, 𝑜𝑟𝑎𝑙 𝑠𝑒𝑥 (𝑓𝑒𝑚 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔) 𝑎𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑣𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑑𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑓𝑢𝑐𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑐ℎ𝑢𝑏𝑏𝑦 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙, 𝑝𝑒𝑡 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒 (𝐺𝑜𝑗𝑜 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑝𝑢𝑚𝑝𝑘𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐺𝑒𝑡𝑜 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠)

𝐴/𝑁: @noroi1000 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑝𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑟𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑒𝑠𝑡. 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑏𝑢𝑡 ℎ𝑢𝑛 𝐼 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑𝑛'𝑡 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟. 𝐼 ℎ𝑜𝑝𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡. (𝑃𝑆: 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 5000 𝑓𝑜𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟𝑠) 𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑑𝑖𝑡𝑠 𝑡𝑜𝑜 @tonicries her story gave me inspiration to complete a scene when it stumped me.

𝐺𝑒𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐺𝑜𝑗𝑜'𝑠 𝑊ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒

𝑊𝐶: 4.9𝑘

𝐸𝑛𝑗𝑜𝑦❤︎

It’s hot today and you’ve decided that it would’ve been a great idea to hang out at your best friend Gojo Satoru's parents' private house somewhere up in the hills for the weekend. It’s better to spend your weekend away from your hot apartment and it's a bit cooler around that area, and what better time to relax outside while staring at the hills as your other best friend Geto Suguru quietly reads a book while you’re laying down on Gojo’s chest. 

You three were all quietly enjoying each other’s company until Gojo got tired and bored and he decided to say, “Y/N, there is a question that I’d like to ask you.” 

Curious, you raised a brow at him while whispering, “Ask away.”

You feel him caressing your back, hands slowly moving down until they’re both resting on the back of your thighs, then he asks, “What are your views on oral sex?”

Your eyes grow wide, head slowly lifting off his chest to get a good look at his face. You see him biting his lips, patiently waiting for you to answer. You took a glance over towards Geto to see him staring at you while he also awaits for an answer. 

You clear your throat, unsure of what answer they could ever want from you, so you choose to say, “I don’t have much to say if I’m being honest with you. It just believes that every individual has the right to do whatever it is that they want in their sex life if they are comfortable with it.”

“Are you comfortable with it, pumpkin?” Gojo asked. 

You tilted your head to the side, eyebrow still raised as you gave him your answer, “It’s nothing to be shameful about so I guess I could say that I’m pretty much comfortable.”

“Ah so, that means that you’ve done it before right?” 

“Done what?” you asked Gojo.

“Oral sex, you’ve done it before with your ex-boyfriend right?” he questioned. 

You sat up on his lap, hands folding across your chest. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Just wanted to know more about my best friend,” he answers causally while shrugging his shoulders. 

“And your way of getting to know me a bit better is to ask me about my sex life?”

Gojo smiled, “I was just asking. I thought it would be fun to have a conversation about each other's sex life. Right Sugu?”

“I agree, I don’t have an issue discussing certain parts of my sex life with you two,” Geto answers in agreement. You’re a bit taken aback by how causal they both were uttering the word ‘sex’ out of their mouth. You believed that sex should noy be spoken about so casually, the act is intimate, one that is meant to share with someone you have some sort of deep love for. But with how loosely it fell from their lips, it would seem as though this is not the first time, they have conversations like these when you’re not around them. “So, are you gonna answer?”

You twiddled with your thumb, a small blush creeping upon your cheek as you answered, “Well yes, but I was never on the receiving end.”

That had Gojo and Geto sitting up in their seats, you almost fell from Gojo’s lap with how quickly he got up. “I knew something was off about him.” 

“Right,” Geto said in agreement. Slowly, you watch as Geto got up out of his seat and walked over to you and he knelt onto the floor. “So that dumb ex-boyfriend of yours has never eaten your pussy out.” 

You shook your head no. “Unbelievable, and he’s known for eating a lot of asses around campus? I mean I’m not against eating ass, I’ll eat your booty if given the chance to. But you’re telling me that he never thought about stuffing his face between these thighs.”

Once again, you shook your head no as embarrassment washes over you. Why are they making it so important? So, what if your ex-boyfriend ate other girls’ ass and pussy and not yours? It never bothered you, you never cared much about it. Your ex-boyfriend told you that once his cock is wet then everything else would be all right, so why are you best friend making it so important. 

“He’s an idiot Sato,” Geto commented, while lifting his hands to caress the apple of your cheek. 

“That he is. I mean how can one ever resist the urge to go between these sexy thick juicy thighs,” Gojo said while squeezing the side of your thighs. “If I were him, my face would be between them every single day, tasting what you’re hiding between them.” 

“I bet she tastes sweet Satoru,” Geto whispered as he stood up and rested his other hand on your cheek. 

“She does, I know she does,” Gojo said, his tone a bit lower than usual. Your face was hot, cheeks burning hard from their comments. You had no clue what to say after hearing what they both thought about you in just two simple sentences. Something sweet that they both can’t wait to devour. “Hey pumpkin, can I ask you something else?” 

Without even much, since you were beginning to feel hot and bothered from Geto’s hands on your cheek, and Gojo’s hand on your thighs, you whispered, “Go ahead.”

As Gojo was about to answer, Geto beat him to the punch, “Do you wanna… do it with me?” 

“Huh?” 

He bit his lips while gazing at you through his thin, yet beautiful eyelashes, “Do you wanna have sex with me… I mean with us, but this time you’ll be the one on the receiving end.”

“What, what…” you stuttered. Your cheeks hot and flustered from being embarrassed, you quickly pulled your head out of Geto’s hands, and quickly got up from Gojo’s lap, only for them to grab you and pull you down once again on Gojo, but this time with your back against his chest. 

“Come on pumpkin, it’ll be fun. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about after all we’ve both been wanting to do this with you for a very long time, “Gojo whispered as he spread both your legs over his lap and quickly lifted up your dress up and let it lazily fall onto your tummy, exposing your cotton blue panties underneath. 

Before you could even protest and tell them not to push you any further than they already have, Geto’s face was hovering over yours, forehead almost touching as he whispered, “Please Y/N, let us show you what you’ve been missing. Let us taste you please,” he said with a pout. “We really want to taste your pretty cunt, princess.”

What were you to say now? After all though you were a bit comfortable exposing yourself to your best friends like this, allowing them to touch you inappropriately and expose your most precious lady parts, you weren’t going to say no to them, because maybe, just maybe in the deepest parts of your mind, you wanted them to have their way with you. 

“Oh… okay but promise to be gentle.”

“No worries pumpkin, we’ll be as gentle as we can be just for you,” and with that said, Geto pressed his forehead against yours and captured your lips with his, while Gojo’s hands travels up to your thigh, caresses between your them and his finger gently rubbing your puffy clit through your panties. 

It’s unbelievable, to think that you were about to give yourself to your best friends. It was the furthest thing from your mind, given the fact that you thought they both weren’t into you and because you thought you weren’t their type. But the taste of Geto’s lips has you spreading your legs wider for Gojo to lay his hand flat against your pussy, cupping and thumbing your clit slowly to have your pussy dripping by the time Geto was ready to feast upon you; it had you thinking differently about them.

 Hot and messy, he slowly parted from your lips to trail kisses from your jaw down to your neck, his fingers coming up to make quick work on the strings at the front of your dress to reveal your breast to them, but with such little patience, he ripped the dress down in the middle, your heavy set breast bouncing freely at the sudden movement. 

You squealed, your hand quickly tried to cover them up, but Geto caught both your wrist in one hand and quickly caught your nipple between his teeth. “Suguru… don’t,” you tried speaking, but he shuts you by biting your nipple before covering your breast with his mouth. A moan slipped past his lips, eyes rolling back slightly as he continued to suck at your breast while his free hand went to fondle the other breast. Gojo was right, you’re tasty. 

“Hey, give me some attention too,” Gojo whispered underneath his breath. You snapped your head around to look at him, only to be met with his strawberry flavoured lips savouring the taste of yours. His tongue is hot, licking the roof of your mouth with every thrust of his tongue. Your cheeks burned; your body started to melt underneath their touch. “Hey, let’s take this inside yeah, it’s about to get messy.” 

… 

Gojo is extremely strong, given the fact that he was carrying you inside the master bedroom. He had both arms underneath your bottom, your thick thigh locked around his slim hips. You had one hand around his neck while the other held onto whatever was left of your dress. Your eyes were on Geto, watching as he wrapped his hair up into a bun before he yanked his shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor as soon as you three were inside the bedroom. Geto did not even bother to close the door, eager to get down on his knees before you and feast upon tempting flesh. Gojo carelessly let you fall against the bed while he took the time to get rid of his shirt too, before climbing on the bed, sat up against the headboard and beckoned you to him. 

You did so, slowly turning around to get up on your knees to crawl towards him. “Ugh!” you squealed, feeling the sting of Geto’s hand on your ass cheek. You pouted at him while you crawled into Gojo's lap, and the white-haired man wasted no time, spinning you around until your back was once again on his chest. 

“Gotta gets rid of these panties, pumpkin,” Gojo whispered, his large hands once again sliding up your thighs before grabbing the end of your panty. 

“No,” you said, trying to close your legs tightly together to prevent him from pulling down your panties, but Geto wasn’t having any of it. He was on the bed, pulling your legs apart while Gojo quickly pulled your panties down your legs, watching as the material pulled away from your soaked pussy, a string of your arousal attached to your draws only snapping when it was down past your thigh. 

“Now that's a wet pussy. Sato took such care of you, getting your plump pussy wet and ready for me to feast on,” Geto practically moaned as he got comfortable between Gojo’s legs, head resting against your thigh as he stared at your pretty pussy. “Sato, you got your phone with you?”

“Yeah why?” Gojo asked as he held your panty up against his nose, sniffing the crotch before taking a lick from the taste of your panty to taste your liquid, and boy he’s glad he got a taste, couldn’t risk such delicious delicacy miss his mouth. He tossed your panties off the bed while reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone. 

“I want you to get a close up shot of me eating her pussy,” Geto moaned as his face got closer to your pussy. “By the way, Sato?”

“Yeah,” Gojo answered as he searched for the camera app on his phone to start the recording. 

“Which hole do you wanna fuck after I’m done eating?” 

“Huh?” you muttered, shocked out of your mind as your eyes darted between the two of them.

Gojo chuckled as he hit record on his phone and held the camera above Geto’s head while getting a perfect view of your glistening cunt. “I wanna feel her pussy, but I wanna pound that tiny little butthole of hers.”

“Aw… I wanted to take her ass to pound town though,” Geto pouts as he kissed your puffy, wet pussy lips. 

“Huh… Toru… Sugu, huh?” you mumbled in utter confusion.

“We’ll share, I’ll go first then you can take the second hit,” Gojo suggested, completely purposefully ignoring the fact that you’re staring up at them waiting for them to acknowledge that they needed to ensure that you’re comfortable with whatever it is that they are about to do with you. In any case you were comfortable because you trust them, but it would have been nice if they had asked. 

“No problem. You hear that princess, Gojo and I are going to take such loving care of your tight beautiful holes,” and with that said, he immediately surges forward, his hot warm tongue pushing past his lips to lick between the folds of your pussy. Your eyes rolled back; lips slightly parted to release a breathy moan. Gojo so desperately wanted to kiss those pretty lips of yours, but he was enjoying watching as Geto licked and spread your folds with his tongue more. 

“Fuck!” you screamed, back arching slightly from Gojo’s chest the moment you felt Geto hot mouth captured your clit in your mouth, greedily sucking on your sensitive bud that had tiny pleasurable shockwaves slowly making its way up to your brain. You feel Geto’s hand removing itself from the back of your leg and slowly making its way up to rub your butthole.

Your body jolts, feeling his thumb rubbed and pressed itself into your butthole as he continued to feast on your pussy. He groaned in your pussy, head slightly tilting towards the camera just so that Gojo could get a perfect view of your messy cunt clenching and unclenching around his tongue as he thrust the thick wet muscle in and out and in and out of your pussy. 

“You like that pumpkin?” Gojo asked, spreading your legs a little wider; giving Geto a bit more room to get comfortable between your legs. “Look at him, he’s having the time of his life between your legs.”

And Geto hums in agreement, tongue still skilfully thrusting inside your clenching cunt. You could feel him smiling as he pulled his tongue out of your hole to flicker at your sensitive bud before sucking harshly at your clit and slurping up the juices that leaked from your clenching hole. 

He lifted his head from your cunt, spat on it again, and watched with glistening eyes as his saliva dribbled down the crack of your ass and onto his thumb that was still gently penetrating your butt hole. “Fuck, I’m about to have a feast here,” Geto mumbled to himself as he went back down on your pussy, tongue licking and spreading your folds, feeling your juices against his chin as it dribbles down to your butthole. 

He started kissing your cunt, slowly moving his head down until removed his thumb from your hole and laid his tongue flat against it; your butt cheeks clenched immediately, legs trying to close and push away from him, but then you feel it. Gojo’s big hand delivered a slap upon your thighs, and you immediately spread your legs open once again as Geto continued to feast upon you. “Keep those legs open,” Gojo whispered to you as he angled the camera downwards to Geto a view of Geto eating up your other hole. “He’s got to get your ass wet and prepared to take our cocks.

“Mhm’ feels weird,” you whimpered, legs trembling and threatening to close around Geto’s head, but Gojo wasn’t going to allow you to do so, not when his fingers were slowly creeping down towards your messy wet pussy to play with your throbbing clit. “Mhm… ah,” you moaned out, head tossing back against Gojo's shoulder, feeling the sense of overwhelming pleasure being rushed to your head. 

A few more licked at your puckered hole and Geto was quick to latch his lips back onto your cunt, not caring one bit if Gojo fingers were stimulating your sensitive nub, rolling his tongue harshly against your clit before sinking it back into your hole. 

Your toes curl, eyes squeezing tightly shut, unable to think or even to understand what was happening to your body, it’s like your body was no longer yours. To be absolutely going mad, with pleasure. 

Geto finally pulled away from your hole, fingers now replacing his tongue, rubbing, and poking at your hole before sinking two thick calloused fingers into your ass, slowly thrusting in and out in attempts to stretch you out. You’re so far gone, not knowing what to do with yourself, but whimper and cry as they continued with their sinful work as your body grew hotter and hotter, and that weird sensation in your tummy made itself known. 

“Ahh, I think she’s out to cum,” Gojo whispered, fingers moving from your clit and plunge them into your hole, moving in and out and curling and poking on your g-spot. You cried out, hands now finally having a mind out its own to grip onto Gojo thighs for support as the rest of you quiver and tremble, desperately in need to cum. “Mhm, fuck Sugu her pussy is pulsing so much around my fingers.”

“You should feel her ass,” Geto followed up, quickly spitting on his fingers before thrusting a third one into your hole. 

“No… No, I can’t,” you cried out. 

“Oh yes you can,” they both said in harmony, fingers expertly working both your holes. The heat in your tummy began to rise even more, legs now violently shaking and that heavy pressure that you feel inside you felt like it was moment away from bursting if they don’t let up on your holes.

You began breathing heavily, nails scraping against Gojo’s thigh as your back lifted slightly from Gojo’s chest. Feeling your pussy desperately clenching, you scream, “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna Ohh.” Like a river bursting through the walls of a dam, your pussy clenched and burst, wet clear liquid forcing Gojo’s fingers out of your cunt. 

Geto groaned and he’s going down to lick up the mess from your cunt as you continue to squirt. “So good princess.”

“Good fucking girl. Pumpkin’s a squirter,” Gojo said as he tapped at your twitching clit a few times, then plunged his finger into your hole to get you cum all over his fingers just to get a taste. Geto on the other hand, gave no time to breath, his lips already on yours and you’re tasting yourself on his lips. 

His fingers were still working to stretch your ass, but he managed to untie the strings of his shorts and pushed it down his legs exposing his thick prompt cock to your eyes. You gasped and pulled away from his lips, eyes widened as you took in the sight of his thick, long, and pale cock with a reddish tip. He had pubes, but not as much as your ex-boyfriend did, but Geto sure had a bigger cock. 

“I don’t want it, it’s too big,” you said to them both as you tried and Geto’s fingers successfully slipped out of your now gaping hole and you did manage to crawl away from them. But you didn’t get too far, not when Gojo and his long lanky arms were close by, quickly grabbing onto your chubby thighs and pulling you towards him. And as he did so, he managed to pull his cock out of his shorts too. “No… no it's too big,” you said, staring at the weapon between Gojo’s legs. 

“Come on pumpkin, you can take it,” Gojo cooed at you, quickly roughly handling you back into his lap with your legs spread over his legs and his cock snuggled up against your cunt. “Suguru stretched you perfectly fine.”

“But… but” you began stuttering as you looked down on the cock that was slowly sliding between your wet fat pussy lips, just waiting patiently to penetrate you deeply. 

“It’s ok princess, just relax for us,” Geto whispered as he positioned himself between your legs and his large hand gently rubbing up and down on your thighs. “Satoru’s gonna stretch you out a bit more with his cock, so relax, be a good girl and take him as deep as you can inside you.”

Still staring at Gojo’s pale, long, curved cock between your pussy lips, you thought ‘you’ve already made it this far, it makes no sense you stopped dead in the middle of sex.’ So, with that thought you shook your head and whispered, “Ok.”

They both smiled, then you felt Geto’s hand slightly lifting both your legs, spreading them a bit wider while Gojo spat on his hand, grabbed his cock, and gave it a few pumps before pressing the pinkish mushroom tip at your leaking entrance. 

You feel Gojo’s lips against your cheeks, kissing and licking at your skin, as he dragged the tip along your sensitive clit, teasingly smearing your slick all over his cock. “I’m going in now,” he growled, then he immediately pushed in one long, hard upwards thrust into your dripping cunt, knocking the air out of your lungs. His head collapsed onto your shoulders, teeth sinking into your collarbone, biting back his moan the moment he felt your pussy hold his cock like a vice grip. 

“Fuck,” he muttered, gently pulling out then thrusting back in, and your sobbing as he painfully stretched you out deliciously. “What a tight fucking pussy. You wanna break my cock off, pumpkin?” he whispered against your shoulders, fingers quickly pinching and rubbing at your clit to give you a bit of relief. 

“Mhm… ngh it’s- It’s too big, pull it out, pull it out,” you begged, not used to having something so big, hot, and throbbing inside your pussy, stretching you, splitting you apart and beyond your limits. 

“No can no pumpkin,” A low growl escaped him as he pulled his cock out of your hole, until the tip was barely resting inside your cunt, only to thrust back into your warm cunt. Heavy thick balls slapped against the skin of your ass with each thrust of his hips, loud squelches of his cock pushing deeper and deeper inside your gummy cunt. 

“Oh God, fuck me,” you mewled, tears stinging the corner of your eyes as you watched as your cunt getting completely mauled by Gojo’s cock., driving you to complete insanity. Your lame ex-boyfriend had never fuck you so stupid, his cock is not even big enough to stretch you as much as Gojo’s cock was doing at this moment. Ripping and tearing, then shaping your hole to fit his cock. 

Your brain’s going numb, broken whimpers and moans leaving you each time he plunged into your hole. He’s shifting beneath you, angling his cock to hit that sweet spot within you and it has you bucking and keening on his cock, and he’s watching with hungry eyes as your tits bounce in circular motions with each thrust. “Gonna cum on this cock pumpkin, Suguru’s gotta fuck your little pussy too,” Gojo said to you, kissing your neck as his hand travelled up to squeeze and paw at your heavy swollen breast. 

“I… no- too much I,” unable to form a coherent sentence you bowed your head and cried out, hoping that they’ll understand your plea. And to your luck they did, but that doesn’t mean that what Geto was about to do to you was going to make the situation any better. 

Because here comes Geto whispering as he realised one of your legs and his fingers hastily rubbed figures of eight on your clit, “Well let me help you then.”

“No, stop please…” You cried as your trembling hands went to pull his hand away from your cunt. It’s no use though your hands were just trembling too much, so the only thing you just had to do was just sit there and let them skilfully worked their fingers and cock on and inside your cunt, pumping and pumping until your thighs twitched, eyes were rolling back and your breathing; short and forceful as they carried you to your orgasm. 

“Come on pumpkin let it go, let it go,” Gojo urges, fucking up into you faster and harder than he was before, and the black-haired bastard had the audacity to make his fingers with Gojo’s pace. Your tummy was hot. It burns… it burns, you thought and the next thing you know, you are squirting. Gojo cock slipped out of your squirting cunt, and he, smiling as he grabbed his cock and rubbed it on your sensitive clit and watched as your pussy gushed more clear liquid. 

“Move and let me slide in,” Geto said to Gojo, quickly grabbing both of your knees and folding them into your breast. And Gojo as quick as ever held the back of your knees and watched as Geto tapped his heavy cock onto your throbbing clit, the tip pressing into your cunt and when he was satisfied with the amount of you cum that coated his cock. He plunged in, stretching you impossibly wider than Gojo. 

Just how big are their cocks?

Geto paused, watching as your lips trembled, eyes still tightly closed and your pussy, clenching and unclenching, slowly shaping to fit his cock. A low groan fell from his lips as he leaned forward, chest pressing into the back of your legs, forehead resting on your head that is between your legs and he’s whispering, “And though Sato fucked you deep and hard, stretching this tiny little cunt. You are still so fucking tight.”

His hips started moving, slowly dragging his cock out of your wet hole, then without warning he abruptly slammed his cock into you. “Ah… Sugu ah.”

He smiled and kissed your lips as he pounded into your pussy mercilessly. He’s so thick, thicker than Gojo it felt as though he was about to burst your pussy wide open. “Oh fuck, fuck,” he grunted, his forehead resting against yours, sweat beading down his forehead and onto yours. He glanced down at you through his lashes, your lips all puffy and swollen from all the biting and kissing. “Open up your mouth princess.” You lolled your tongue out for him. He groaned as he gathered a glob in his mouth before spitting it on your tongue. “Swallow and show it to me again.” You did as you were told, he didn’t waste another second to spit in your mouth again. 

You swallowed then moaned, “I’m close again.”

“That’s what I want you to do,” he groaned as he straightened his posture to speed up his deep thrust. The sounds your bodies made as they slapped against each other and Gojo grunting from the feeling cock rubbing against your ass was driving them mad. 

“Yes… ah fuck.”

He leaned forward yet again and gave you the neediest, sloppiest kiss. His cock began to abuse your g-spot, each thrust punching every breath from your lips. And once again, you feel the pressure building up inside your tummy, you’re left with no choice but to cum on his cock, juice leaking from the sides and down his length. He kept on fucking your through your orgasm, fwop, fwop, fucking you deeper and deeper with each thrust, hitting that spot he knew that was gonna make you squirt. 

“Mhm… stop Imma shit…” Your body grew stiff and Geto had to quickly slip out of you to rub the tip of his cock on your clit as you squirted all over him. 

“There you go princess, there you go.”

“So proud of your pumpkin,” they both praised and Gojo managed to steal a kiss from your lips. Your tired, body spent, worn out all you just wanted to do was to close your eyes and sleep. But wait they didn’t cum. 

“Uhm… Toru… Su why didn’t you cum?” you asked them. 

“Oh yeah, where not done.”

Bamboozled out of your mind, you turned to face Gojo and said, “Huh?”

“We gonna tap your ass member?” Gojo reminded you as he lifted both your legs again and his cock now poked at your lower entrance. 

“And I wanna eat your pussy out while he takes care of your cute little hole,” Geto added as he got comfortable yet again between Gojo’s legs. 

“No- no, no, no I can’t… I’m tired, please.”

“Ahh pumpkin just a few minutes more, I promise you it’ll feel fantastic.”

And that’s the line you fell for, keeping your legs spread as they both hand their way with your hole, stretching and pounding you out with no mercy. They did try to be gentle, but your pussy was just so unbelievably tight and soaking wet, they kept you inside that bedroom for hours upon end, until you finally passed out into Geto’s arms, whimpering, and shaking, skin sticky and sweating. Thick globs of cum dripping from your holes, and your ass filled with nothing but kiss marks, hickies and hand bruises. 

They fucked you good, better than your dumb ex-boyfriend every did and they can’t wait to fuck your little hole and stuffed them full of them cum and just maybe breed you, but they’ll wife you up.

𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘? 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠, 𝐻𝑒��𝑟𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑅𝑒𝑏𝑙𝑜𝑔𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑑. 𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔.

@getosbigballsack 2024

[campgender]

Whenever a player safewords, this is an occasion for mutual support. We understand that nobody safewords from a happy place, and that all of our egos feel frail and kind of runty when we need to back out of a scene. It is completely unethical to respond with scorn or ridicule to a person who has safeworded: S/M is not a competition, we are not playing against each other.

As tops, we have noticed that if we are having a good time and our bottom safewords, our initial feelings may not be happy. Whaddaya mean you don't like that? I do all this work and you don't appreciate it? I'm hot for being in control and you want me to stop? We have felt real anger and felt challenged in our top role... and, on a deeper level, we have felt put down, hurt and rejected. It is okay to have these feelings. It is not okay to act on them. Take three deep breaths and everybody start taking care of each other.

Sometimes bottoms get so deeply engaged in a scene that they fail to safeword, or forget, or so profoundly believe in the fantasy that it doesn't occur to them: many of the techniques we play with, like interrogation, function in the real world to undermine volition. Dossie remembers a scene in which a top offered her a choice of something or other: "I felt very confused. Some distant part of me vaguely remembered having made choices, but the response from my state of consciousness at that time was, Choose? I am not a thing that chooses." So then what is the top's responsibility?

If a bottom does not safeword and you don't pick up on what's going on, and this will happen if you play long enough and well enough, there is no blame. However, it is still your responsibility to monitor for physical safety as best you can. As ethical tops we make a commitment to never knowingly harm our bottoms. To this end we check in regularly to make sure that things are going the way we think they are, and we constantly monitor the physical and emotional safety of our bottoms. If a bottom is beyond safewording, and you as the top feel unsure about how far you should go, it is your responsibility to slow down or stop the scene and get into communication with the bottom to make sure you have informed consent. If you have to bring the bottom back into reality to do this, please remember that you helped get them into that altered state in the first place, so presumably you can help get them back there again as soon as you are sure of what's going on.

And just because someone safeworded doesn't mean that the scene has to be over. There may be times when the problem that brought either of you to safeword is so overwhelming that carrying on doesn't feel like the right thing right now - but most often we find that after we've dealt with whatever the difficulty is, we're still terrifically turned on, with the added bonus of a shared intimacy.

from The New Topping Book (2003) by Dossie Easton & Janet W. Hardy

(note: the authors use ‘top’ & ‘bottom’ in the historical S/M sense, meaning ‘person performing the act’ & ‘person receiving the act’; the act in question is not necessarily penetration.)

[skteezcursed]

❝DEVIL LOOKING ANGEL❞ — p.sh & l.mh

PAIRING. park seonghwa x fem!reader x lee minho.

SYNOPSIS. Seonghwa and Minho both have a crush on you, and one day they decide to share you with each other so everyone wins.

GENDER. smut. tiny bit of fluff.

AU/TROPE.friends to friends with benefits. non idol au. uni au (implied).

RATING. R (+18) - MDNI.

WARNINGS. mean dom hwa. mean dom minho. brat sub reader. normalization of drinking. oral (f and m receiving). face fucking. tongue fucking. fingering. edging. overstimulation. slight voyeurism. pussy slapping. spanking. praises and degradations. dacryphilia. pet names (pretty, slut, whore). sir is used to refer to both minho and seonghwa. unprotected sex (please don't). double penetration. aftercare is also important.

WORD COUNT. 9k.

NOTES. english is not my first language. sorry for the 9k, i got caried away, also, this is way more filthy than I originally planned. first smut ever so bare with me, please. thanks @cybrsan and @straykidsholicleigh for believing that i could write smut, hope it lived up to the expectation, bye ♡.

IMPORTANT. this is a work of fiction, it has zero intent on portraing how any of the people quoted here are in real life.

CREDS. dividers by cafekitsune ♡

                 You’ve always knew Felix was rich, both him and Changbin had always been the richest of the group, which was why whenever there was a party or any type of celebration, their places would be the first ones to be considered, so there was little to no surprise when Felix called everyone to his family lake house for a start of the summer celebration.

                 As a magnet, your eyes searched for the two men that have been living in your mind rent free since they joined your friend group. Park Seonghwa and Lee Minho. You have seen many gorgeous men in your life, hell, your friend group could be considered the one with the hottest guys around, but there was something about Seonghwa and Minho that always drawn you to both, although you never actually acted on it, but flirty comments and moments had always been a constant presence in between you three.

                 In all truth, you couldn’t choose and the fact they are friends – even prior to be in your group – it made it even harder. Your fingers and toys being the only companions whenever the situation got to a certain extreme, especially when both became extremely flirting with you in a row, as they never did really get close to you if they were both in the same room, which didn’t help the choosing process. If you could ever choose.

                 There was no surprise when your eyes met with both of them near the infinite pool of Felix’s lake house. Minho still had his shirt on, dealing with the meat, but Seonghwa was already shirtless, arms stretched on the edge, eyes fixed on you, as if he could undress you and you were barely there for five seconds. Minho’s eyes noticed Seonghwa’s and finally found your figure at the entrance, talking to Felix. Feeling both eyes on you, eating you, didn’t help with the butterflies on your stomach.

                 “Minho is almost done with the first batch, Chan is in the kitchen with Ji and Joong making snacks, you wanna drink something?”

                 “Whatever you guys are having,” your voice was met with a can of beer in front of you as a hand landed on your lower back, feeling the water wet your shirt, meeting with Seonghwa smirk, “Hwa, this is yours I-”

                 “It’s okay, I was about to get Minho another one, I can get two more on the way while you finish this one,” his lips met with your cheek as the pads of his finger digged a little on your side, the clothes probably helping with not leaving a mark. “I’ll be right back, go be a good girl and keep Minho company while I get us something to drink.”

                 You felt hot through out your body, resting on your cheeks and in your lower stomach, holding yourself not to brush your thighs together at the pet name and what Seonghwa was asking, trying to ignore how his fingers still lingered in you, even through the shirt. The beer came right to your mouth and you drank down the liquid, needing a little bit of liquid courage to go through that party. Minho already had his signature smirk in your direction, and you drank the rest of the beer, throwing your can besides his near the lawn.

                 “Hey pretty, how is it going?”

                 His left hand extended to you as you held his hand in yours, feeling the pull towards him, as he wrapped his left arm around your waist, his hand still entangled with yours as his lips met with your right cheek, you felt his thumb caress slightly your back, but never unlocking your fingers.

                 “I’m good, and you? Is anyone helping you out, can I do anything?”

                 “I’m okay, Hwa has been helping around, mostly bringing me drinks,” he laughed lightly, but never really leaving your hand, “you can keep me company if you want, wouldn’t mind at all to have you around.”

                 Before you could answer, Seonghwa voice could be heard, and you slipped your hands from Minho, missing the way his eyes fell slightly on his hand before exchanging looks with Seonghwa, as you were too busy getting both yours and Minho’s drink. Both boys exchanged quick looks as you opened Minho’s can before handing it out to him, grabbing yours and opening, looking at both raising your can, being followed by both with a small smile.

                 “Lix said you almost done with the meat.”

                 “Yeah, hold on, let me give you a piece and you tell me what you think.”

                 “You can tell the truth, he’s a big boy,” Seonghwa said with a sly smile while you drank more of the beer as you saw their eye exchange, “I think he can take a pretty girl saying his food is bad.”

                 “I can take a pretty girl saying anything to me as long as I have her attention.”

                 You felt your cheeks burn and you lowered your head, but noticed the exchange of glances between the two this time, not missing the compliment that both said. Your mind going a hundred miles an hour, only getting worse as you felt his hand on your forearm squeezing slightly catching your attention and giving you a piece of the meat he had just taken out of the grill.

                 Ignoring the best you could the way both pair of eyes were staring at you, how their eyes lingered on your lips, how Minho’s thumb went to clean the grease that was falling from the corner of your mouth before he brings his own thumb to his lips, how Seonghwa’s eyes lingering a little longer on you at that, the sly smile always present.

                 That should have been warning enough for what that day held for you.

                 The party had been full on throughout the day. You were going from group to group, few beers here, a bit of food there and you knew you were hitting your limit to some extend as you joined some of the people at the pool, taking the rest of your beer before going to the other edge, while mostly still stayed closer to the lawn as you headed to the infinite edge.

                 The sun was setting on the lake, making the rays of sunshine dance across the calm waves, your arms rested on the pool edge, a bit of the water falling through as the tips of your toes hit the bottom. You thanked that the lake was empty that day, most families still organizing to wander to that area, which meant you and your friends could have one of those parties.

                 Hands grabbed your waist as you felt a hot breath on your ear, your head turning slightly finding Seonghwa right there behind you, if he reached closer you could feel his perfect body against yours, and there was nothing you wanted more than that at that moment. The alcohol in your system quickly reaching the part of your brain that was in charge of morality, clouding it as you allowed your body to move a little away from the edge, your head resting on his shoulder slightly as you felt his arms wrap around your waist, hands resting on you lower belly.

                 You tried your best to ignored how close his hands were to your core, how his hot breath reached your ear, how his abs felt against your back, but most importantly, the slight poke you felt on your ass. There was no way he was actually hard, the alcohol was definitely messing with your mind.

                 “What you doing here by yourself?”

                 “Just felt like watching the sunset at the lake, I like it when there’s no one but us here,” he sensed how your breathing hitched as his lips touched the tip of your ear slightly, a light chuckle coming out of his mouth as you felt a small caress on your belly. “Why you here? I thought you and Minho were organizing some of the drinks.”

                 “Just didn’t feel right to leave a pretty girl alone,” a small kiss was placed on your neck, followed by a small bite that made you suppress a gasp, but not the jolt that your body made, bringing you more in contact with Seonghwa’s body. “Oh, you liked that didn’t you?”

                 “Seonghwa…” a plea leaved your lips as he kissed your neck again, one of his hands roamed at your side, as the other pulled you even closer to him body, allowing you to feel everything, “Please… Someone… Someone can see it…”

                 “I’m sorry pretty, but I’ve controlled myself too much and just like you said, there’s no one but us here and I’m sure everyone is too busy or drunk to notice us, right now.”

                 His right hand kept wandering around your body before resting on your thigh squeezing the inside of it, forcing you to open slightly.

                 “But what if someone approaches?”

                 Although his body never left yours, his mouth did, slow breathing right next to your ear. His right hand making small circles on the inside of your thigh, so close to where you wanted them, and yet, you two were still around everyone.

                 “Just say the word and I’ll stop,” you knew he meant it, mainly because he stopped with the caress at your silent, his hands moving to rest on the front of your thigh, a small whine leaving your lips as your right hand quickly found his, trying to keep him from straying too far away from where you needed them, a small chuckled was everything he gave you as a respond. “I knew we weren’t seeing things.”

                 “We?”

                 Seonghwa’s hand went back to where they were, but raising slowly closer to your core.

                 “You were never the most discreet person, you are a starer,” the pad of his middle finger finally meeting your clit still hidden from the swimwear, but sensitive nonetheless, making you bite your lip as he slowly and tortuously made circle movements with random points of pressure, “not that we have been the most discreet ones as well.”

                 “Hwa -”

                 “And now you are letting me touch you while all our friends are here,” you whined as he increased the moments of pressure on your clit, your right hand holding the edge of the pool, your waist moving to make your ass press against his bulge, “ah, and eager as well, but would you let me fuck you right here, in front of everyone?”

                 You held a moan at the thought, trying not to actually picture how badly you wanted him to do it, how badly you had imagined his hands roaming your body just like that, his fingers on your clit and inside of you, trying to ignore the outline of his cock against your ass.

                 “It’s not like you are not eager as well,” you wiggled your ass against his bulge and felt his grip tightens around your waist, while the other palmed your front, you turned your head trying to ignore how you could feel the tips of his fingers on you clothed core. “Like you said, it’s not like you have been discreet as to how you look at me.”

                 The sly smile you gave him was received with a smirk and a raise of eyebrows.

                 “Minho was right, you are a brat,” before you could gather the words that came out of his mouth, you felt him swiftly moving your bottoms to the side, feeling one of his fingers start to enter you, but not deep enough, “no words now, pretty?”

                 “So, you and Minho talked about me?”

                 Without warning he entered with another finger, deeper this time as you felt his palm press slightly on your clit, making you bite your lip repressing a moan.

                 “Oh pretty, we did more than just talk about you,” he curled his fingers inside of you before tortuously and slowly take them out and in again, as you rested your head on his shoulder, thanking for his broad shoulders to hide you two from everyone behind you, “you have no idea how many times we fantasized about your cunt? How many times we jacked off at the thought of you?” You clenched around his fingers, making him chuckled. “Oh, you like that pretty? The thought of us thinking about you? Sharing you?”

                 A whimper left your lips as he curled his fingers again, his speed increasing considerably.

               “Couldn’t wait I see,” at that, your eyes opened finding Minho on your right, looking at you and Seonghwa with a sly smile and raised eyebrows, your right hand quick to hold Seonghwa’s forearm, but Minho’s hand were quicker holding your wrist as Seonghwa worked his fingers inside and out of you, his left hand leaving your waist making you lose your balance, as Minho was quick to stand in between you and the glass of the pool, left hand still holding your right wrist as the right held your waist, “can’t say I would have waited if I was in Hwa’s place.”

                 Seonghwa’s left fingers quickly found your swollen clit and started to rub circle figures with random pressure points as his fingers nimbly went in and out of your core, your left hand finding his left forearm but Minho was quick to take it and hold both wrists in front of you with his left hand while the right held your waist in place. You could feel the pressure of his fingers, knowing they would probably leave a mark, but you didn’t care, specially after you moved your hip up to feel Seonghwa’s bulge again while also trying to release the pressure he was doing on your clit, receiving a raise of eyebrows from Minho as you felt his fingers deeply on your waist before finding your hip and putting back into place, seeing as you bit your lip trying to repress a moan.

                 “You were right, she’s a brat.”

                 “So, I’ve gathered,” Minho answered, as his eyes wandered across your face, at how you would close your eyes and bite your lip, but both noticed when your body started to shake, a small exchange happened and Seonghwa’s fingers left your core, but his left still circling your clit slowly, as you whined in frustration of the stolen orgasm, “what is it? You’ve always wanted our attention, now you have it,” Minho took a step closer, Seonghwa’s fingers lazily playing with your clit as you felt yourself clench at nothing but the pool water, your wrists hurting from the hold Minho had on them. “You think you can handle our attention, pretty?”

                 “I thought I’ve always had it, what you talking about?”

                 Your voice cracked a little as Hwa’s fingers pressed a bit harder at your clit, but you didn’t miss the spark in Minho’s eyes, not holding back the smirk that showed, quickly vanishing as you felt Seonghwa’s fingers leaving your clit and covering everything back with your bottom part.

                 “Oh don’t worry, this is just the start,” Seonghwa quickly held your hips in place, pulling it up a little so you can clearly feel the outline of his cock against your ass as Minho got closer, lips mere centimeters away from your own, but you noticed how he held your hands as you felt the shorts he was wearing touch your fingers, before he pulled your hands lower and you extended your fingers, feeling the outline of his cock, he released a bit of the pressure on your wrists as you eagerly touched his covered cock. “We are gonna have so much fun with you tonight.”

                It wasn’t like no one knew about the sexual tension between the three of you. Hell, everyone had a bet on who would break first, who would be the one you’d choose, if the three of you would become a throuple, when it would happen, if you would be with one while the other watched… In all honesty, the three of you have heard all of them and would be lying to not admit that all those options had never crossed either of your minds, yet, here you were, entering the room you knew it would be for the two of them, their colognes entering your nostrils and clouding your judgement more than the alcohol in your system.

                The feeling of their hands on your skin, of Seonghwa’s fingers inside of you, the denial you received, the thought that finally you would be able to have what you were craving, by not one but both… That was exhilarating. The warmth that went through your core at the thought of both of them, of feeling Seonghwa’s fingers, to have Minho hold you down even if that left marks on your body, just the thought of having them close.

                “Daydreaming pretty?”

                As the door closes behind Seonghwa, you find yourself mere centimeters away from Minho, noticing how he has one shot glass on each hand. The lock of the door is heard as you also noticed Seonghwa with a bottle of tequila and another shot glass of his own in hand. Both with a sly smile and primal look, the type of look a predator would look at its prey, making a shiver run down your spine as both caged you, their little prey for the night.

                “Not so talkative now, are we?” Minho purred as his right arm snatched your waist making your lower half find his, the outline of his cock still could be felt, even more with the soaked in shorts. “All talk and no fun?”

                You felt as his nails dig into the skin of your waist, Seonghwa quickly behind you, making you feel his own clothed cock against your ass.

                “I thought you had a smart mouth from all the things you said at the pool,” his head quickly lowering into your neck as you felt his lips lingering on your sweet spot, you could feel both getting harder of the situation, “thought I would have to find a way to shut you up.”

                “It’s not like you guys gave me anything to talk about,” the smirk made them raise their eyebrows before a quick exchange and you feel the loss of Seonghwa’s warm while Minho’s face became closer to yours, you could feel his lips feather like against yours. “Guess someone else is all talk and no fun, right?”

                At that Minho’s eyes focused on yours and you waited for the crash, for his lips to be on yours, but instead, the smirk reappeared on his lips as you heard the clack of the glasses as Minho’s hand went for the back of your neck meeting your hair and pulling it down making your neck all open for him to mark it as he gladly started kissing every little part of it, hearing as you moaned when he bit into it, allowing you to feel the smirk on his lips.

                His hands roamed all over your body, but always pressing you against him, so no part of your front was too far away. Your hands were quick on his shoulders and hair, pulling it slightly whenever he bit down your neck, but his hands never touched where you wanted them most, until you pulled his hair stronger this time, getting a small groan out of him, bringing a small smile to your lips before you went in for a kiss, getting his cheek in response.

                “You think it’s that easy?” He laughed leaving you completely, joining Seonghwa on the bed. Although the room had two single beds, as you saw when you entered, at some point they were connected creating one big bed, as each seated on one, the tequila right in between the sheets, each with a glass in hand. “Prove it you deserve it.”

                “You say that as if you weren’t just as crazy to have my lips on you.”

                Your giggle made their expression change and so you remembered some of the comments your friends had made, the small fame both had around campus and you felt another shiver down your spine, but you wouldn’t back down. If you had to work for it, so had they.

                “Oh pretty, we will have your lips on us,” Seonghwa’s voice was husky as he drank up the tequila, barely a reaction on his face from the alcohol, “preferably with them wrapped around our cocks as you choke on them,” you pretended that phrase didn’t make a pool to form at the space in between your legs, trying your best not to brush your thighs together, not wanting to give them the satisfaction. “C’mere pretty, have a taste.”

                You were quick on your feet and ignored how both men smirked at your reaction, but instead of heading for one of them, you grabbed the bottle, pouring some of the liquid in each of the three glasses, but instead of handing to them, you put each glass on their legs, which they agreed to allow it. You quickly brough your glass to your lips, the liquid burning on your throat as you turned to Minho, your knees finding the ground, you in between them.

                As your hands roamed around Minho’s thighs you held eye contact as your mouth got closer to his crotch and, even though he looked unfazed, you could feel the twitch of his thighs under your palms as your mouth took the hem of the cup, finally breaking eye contact as you took the cup, your head fell back and the liquid quickly entered your throat as one of your hands took the glass from between your lips, putting it on top of Minho’s crotch, the tent even more visible after your little act.               

                Seonghwa was just observing, waiting for his turn. His hungry eyes landing on your chest, and for a second you thought about taking the top of the swimwear off, but not yet. Yours knees moved closer to the man still waiting with his shot glass in between his legs, but this time your hands wandered a little bit closer to the man’s crotch, the glass a little closer than where you remembered putting it in, bringing a sly smile to your lips as you moved your head forwards, your nose touching the outline of his cock that twitched at the small contact, making you giggle before taking the glass and repeating the same thing you did to Minho, only this time, part of the tequila fell from your lips as you took the cup from your lips.

                Before you could react, Seonghwa’s right hand grabbed your jaw, pulling you to him making you lose balance and your hands land on his thigh. His eyes were dark and hungry and you knew what awaited you, you wanted whatever they would give you. The smile that creeped your lips making Seonghwa annoyed enough for a scoff to leave his lips as he pulled you closer, your breathings mixing, but none averted the eye contact.

                “Don’t play games when you can’t win them,” you felt Minho’s breathe on your ear, his fingers tracing every part of your body as Seonghwa held you in place, “I believe you’ve heard stories,” your body answered for you as you felt Minho’s fingers trace the outline of the swimwear on your ass, going down until it make a light caress on you clothed core, the whimper that left your lips bringing a smile to the other two. “And yet, here you are begging us to fill you up, to treat you like the whore that you are,” he forced one of the pads of his fingers in your core and the other found your clit, making you clench your thighs, trapping his hand, “ah, you like when we call you a whore? A slut? Or at the thought of you being shared by the both of us?”

                His finger on your clit makes small torturous movements making you move your hips and your nails to dig into Seonghwa’s thigh, a chuckled left their lips at your body’s response.

                “Talk slut.”

                The pressure of Seonghwa’s fingers on your jaw made you try to jerk away, only for his other hand to meet the back of your neck holding you in place. Minho worked his legs to meet between yours and force them open so his hand would be free to play with you.

                “Yes,” you choked, “yes please, jus-just please touch me,” you cried as you felt Minho’s fingers nimbly pull you bottom to the side and play with your folds, “God please, just fuck me.”

                At that, Minho entered two fingers at your soaking cunt, making you gasp as Seonghwa took the opportunity to put two fingers of his left hand inside your mouth, his right fingers still holding your jaw open as his face got closer to yours, hot breath mixing as you felt the familiar warmth at the pit of your stomach as Minho’s finger skillfully played with your cunt.

                “So wet already, and all for us?” The mockery on Minho’s voice made you moan against Seonghwa’s fingers, a chuckled left Seonghwa as his fingers left your mouth, his right thumb caressing your bottom lip as you felt Minho curl his fingers inside of you. “How about we put that mouth use?” You moan loudly as his moved his fingers inside of you, but at your lack of response, a hard slap was felt on your left ass cheek, making you jolt forward, left hand on Seonghwa’s crotch. “Speak when spoken to slut.”

                “Then stop moving your fingers like that and I might,” as soon as those words left your mouth regret filled you up as his fingers left your core making you clench at nothing and a hard slap was felt on your right cheek before Seonghwa’s hand found your neck, tightening just enough to make you gasp for air. “I’m sorry, I’ll be good, I promise.”

                “Such a lying whore,” Seonghwa was now mere centimeters away from your face, “guess I should shut you up this time, no?” Minho’s hands griped your waist pulling it slightly back making your torso lower itself, a harsh slap at the same spot on your ass made you whimper as your eyes were still fixed on Seonghwa whose hand was palming himself through the shorts. “All I wanna hear is you gag around my cock, you hear?”

                “Words, slut,” another slap and you jolted forward, lips touching Seonghwa’s but he made no effort to move closer, “sudden out of words?”

                “You’d much like to hear me moan in your ear, wouldn’t you?”

                Another hard slap and you whimpered, feeling your legs tremble.

                “I think you are a little too dressed up for this, don’t you think Minho?” Seonghwa’s fingers played with the upper part of the swimwear, fingers gracefully moving on the edge of the cloth before fixing on your hardened nipple under the fabric, pitching it painfully as he held your neck, forcing you to eye him as you felt Minho taking your bottoms off, a muffled moan escaping his lips as he saw your glistering cunt. “Bottoms down, now upper part off.”

                Seonghwa’s hands promptly took your upper part off, briefly letting go of your neck as Minho skillfully teased your wet folds open with his fingers, laughing as you pushed your body back trying to make his fingers get inside before a hard slap meet your ass before you feel him spread your legs wider, giving him all the access he needed. His fingers lazily going around your folds, teasing your entrance as you turned your head finding his hungry eyes already on you, drunk on your reactions.

                “Time to put that mouth to use slut, try not to enjoy yourself too much.”

                You felt his hot breath against your cunt and whimpered closing your eyes, anticipating the contact, but Seonghwa pulled your face back to him, and you met with his hard, red, leaking cock in front of you, making your mouth water. His left hand on his shaft as his right tangled on your hair pulling you towards his dick.

                “Time for your first meal, slut.”

                You didn’t need to be told twice as your hand went to the base of his cock the same moment Minho’s lips found your pussy making you moan against the tip of Seonghwa’s cock. His hand on your hair pulling you to his cock, as the tip met with your cheek and you took the message as Minho’s tongue ravish on your juice, you kissed the tip of Hwa’s cock, squeezing the base just a little before twirling your tongue around the top, but he forced your head down his shaft making your hand go for his hip as you gag trying to breath, feeling him twitching inside your mouth.

                As Hwa pulled your head back, Minho’s face left your cunt, a hard slap on your ass before three fingers entered your dripping cunt and you closed your eyes before feeling a sting on your cheek before a Seonghwa make small caresses on your side, pushing your head back to his cock as your right hand skillfully started to stroke his length as his left fingers entered your mouth.

                “That’s it, such a dirty slut, you love having your holes filled, don’t you?” The moan that left your mouth was answer enough as you felt Minho’s other hand reach your clit as the same three fingers kept going in and out, his mouth finding your third hole, kitty licks being left there as you tried to say something, making Seonghwa’s fingers leave your mouth. “Oh, you have something to say?”

                “I want your cock, let me have your cock.”

                “Beg for it.”

                “I’m better at showing, let me show you,” your hand squeezed his length before your thumb go over the tip, taking pre cum as more lubricant, making your movements faster, “let me make you feel good sir, let me prove it with my mouth.”

                “Keep talking like that and you’ll get a reward,” his thumb went for your parted lips as you wrapped it around it, “such a dirty slut.”

                Minho left your ass at peace as he speed his fingers and circle movements around your clit make you whimper before taking Seonghwa’s cock on your lips one last time, taking him full, only stopping as you felt his tip on the back of your throat, howling your cheeks as you moved your head up and down his shaft, his fingers tangling around your hair, dictating the speed as you tried your hard not to moan as you felt Minho’s fingers curling inside of you.

                The shaking of your legs being enough to tell him you were close and you prayed for them to allow you to come this time as Seonghwa started to also jolt his hips up, hitting the back of your throat harder, your nails digging into his thighs but he didn’t care and in all honesty, neither did you.

                “Such a cock drunk whore you are,” you felt Minho’s teeth sink into your ass as his fingers curled heavenly inside of you. “Clenching so much around my fingers, can’t wait to use this hole for my cock.”

                You clenched at his words, feeling your legs tremble harder and the built up increasing.

                “That’s it, take it like the fucking slut you are, take my cock down your throat.”

                Too much, it was too much, so damn good.

                Until Minho’s warmth left you, at the same second you were about to cum, and you cried around Seonghwa’s cock that fucked your face mercilessly, ignoring how hard your nails digged into his thigh, but then you were free, your head was lifted by the hair, your eyes meeting Seonghwa’s gaze, he hadn’t cum yet, but he was close, you knew it, so you took his cock in your hands and started to stroke him again, seeing as his grip tighten on your hair.

                “Get her on the bed,” fingers digged into your sides as your lower body was lifted by Minho, you could feel his three wet fingers on your skin, whishing they were back into you, curling inside, “I wanna fuck her mouth.”

                As Seonghwa’s fingers left your hair, Minho tossed your body on the bed, you knew you wouldn’t be able to get there on your own, your legs still weak for the second denied orgasm.

                “I’ll take her cunt then,” Hwa got on the bed pulling your lower body closer to the edge as he got on his knees, “enjoy her mouth, is just as heavenly as we thought it would be.”

                “Fuck-” you said breathlessly as you realized that they had jerked off at the thought of you, “You two are just as perverted as I thought you’d be.”

                “Don’t pretend you are an innocent angel and never touched yourself at the thought of us,” Minho said cynically, the tent on his shorts clearly an inconvenient, even if he looked unbothered, yet all you wanted was to see his cock, “or are you gonna pretend you never called us out while your fingers were deep inside of you?” Seonghwa pulled your hips lower, spreading you open, having a clear view of your swollen clit and soaking core. “You may look like an angel, but you were definitely a work of the devil.”

                You clenched at nothing at those words, hearing Seonghwa curse under his breath looking at you all stretched and open in front of him, but all you could focus was the tent in Minho’s shorts. You liked your lips receiving a scoff, Hwa’s breathe still close to your core, but never close enough making you jolt your hip slightly, receiving a slap on your swollen cunt, making you scream as your eyes finally met Seonghwa’s hungry ones, his fingers lazily caressing the swollen organ, teasing you all over again.

                “You can’t stop looking at Minho, have something to say?”

                “I just-” another slap on your clit, making your hips jolt and you close as your eyes as his fingers lazily play with your folds now, teasing the entrance making you roll your eyes, “fuck, please.”

                “Please what slut?” Minho got closer to the bed, both hands on his pocket and you could see the movement there, he was stroking himself through the shorts, your mind wandering to how red and leaking his dick was, making you wet your lips as your eyes focused on his shorts. “What’s so interesting in my shorts, hun?”

                “I was just wondering, because my toys are pretty big, maybe even bigger than you,” a hard slap on your cunt made you cry loudly pulling the sheets with your hand, “if you are gonna do something than fucking do- AAAH FUCK!”

                Two of Seonghwa’s fingers were soon inside of you as his tongue finally found your clit, kitty licks teasing you as he curled his fingers inside as you tried to close you legs around his head, finding two strong hands on both your thighs forcing them open, bringing them closer to your chest. Minho’s fingers sank into your skin and you found his dark look, you had pissed him off you knew that, but you didn’t care, as long as you could have his dick you didn’t care.

                “Keep them open, whores like you know how to do that,” with a slap on both legs he released them, eyes fixed on you as your hands went to hold them open as Seonghwa started to suck on your clit, fingers nimbly in and out of your cunt making you see stars as the previous stimulation Minho made you through. You heard the bed creak, but you couldn’t open your eyes, only doing so once you felt something wet on your cheeks, meeting with Minho’s leaking cock inviting you to take it. “Now let’s keep that fucking mouth shut and suck it dry, and don’t you move your hands from your legs.”

                You felt yourself clench against Seonghwa’s fingers, feeling his groan reverberate from your core up. You parted your lips leaving a moan mixed with a curse before looking back at Minho, his hand at the base of his angry leaking cock, God you could cum right there as you kissed the tip of his dick feeling the bittersweet taste on your mouth. Kitty licks were placed at the tip of his cock, small kisses in the mix as you saw how his dick twitched slightly from time to time as you teased him, only looking away as you felt Seonghwa back away from your cunt, finding his glistering lips and nose as his three fingers went to his mouth.

                “Such a sweet cunt for such a filthy whore.”

                Before you could answer, Minho’s hand held your head turning you to his cock.

                “Now open.”

                And so you did as he said feeling his hands around your head as his hips started to move slowly ahead, his cock filling your mouth. As his tip hit the back of your throat, Sengohwa’s lips were back at your cunt, his tongue heavenly going in and out of you, his nose hitting perfectly your clit as his arms held you in place as he tongue fucked you. Minho’s dick furiously getting in and out of your mouth, hitting the back of your throat every time, making you gag as you dig your nails into your legs that were already shaking.

                You felt your throat and eyes burn and you knew you tear would soon fall, specially if they denied you another orgasm. You heard Minho grunt as his trusts became sloppy, you could tell he was close. The hum that Seonghwa would occasionally drop also said he was painfully hard as he stuffed his head against your cunt, nose making a sweet pressure on your clit as you felt his tongue inside you, thanking heavens for giving this man such an incredible and versatile tongue that could reach places you never thought it could.

                Minho quickly let go of your face at the same time Seonghwa took his face from your cunt, denying for a third time your orgasm making you cry and let your legs fall, clenching around nothing as you saw Minho stroke his dick lazily and breathing heavy, as you waited for his cum, but it didn’t come, instead you were found with a cocky smirk as he controlled himself exchanging quick looks with Seonghwa who was now standing, cock red, leaking, begging for a release.

                Your legs were failing you and they noticed as they caged you again against the mattress. Seonghwa predatorily hovering above you as Minho went behind you, feeling his hard wet cock against your back, his legs going under your arms as his hands roamed around your waist, slowly going up to meet your breasts, nipples hard and sensitive as his hands squeezed it harshly making you cry again, your head resting on his shoulder as Seonghwa stayed between your wimbling legs which he put on tops of his as he took your right breast in his mouth as your other one was receiving Minho’s left hand attention.

                His right hand went to your throat squeezing just a little as he buried his face on your neck leaving open mouth kisses all over it, small bites here and there. Seonghwa’s right hand went back to your core making you move your hips for more contact, crying at how sensitive you were already but in search of your release nonetheless. You heard both chuckle at how eager you were. Minho’s left hand leaving your breast to hold your waist as Seonghwa started to give your left breast attention while his left hand took your right breast in, pinching your nipple from time to time.

                “Should we mark our little whore?”

                You cried at the comment and at Seonghwa’s fingers curling inside you, Minho’s teeth giving small bites against your skin, helping make your body shivers at the already three denied orgasms, the fourth already building it up.

                “Let’s make sure everyone knows to whom this whore belongs to.”

                At Seonghwa’s response, both focused on sucking and biting at your skin, Minho’s fingers making slight pressure at your neck as Seonghwa’s fingers worked in and out of your core, his palm pressing occasionally on your clit making you jolt your hips in desperate search for your released. You didn’t hold back any sound that came out of your mouth, their names slipping it along with a few cuss words, your body shaking uncontrollably as they try to hold you down, you could feel tears falling as they both stopped.

                “Are you fucking kidding me?”

                You cried as your body shook, hot and desperate. Minho took your face to his, cleaning some of your tears before pulling you to a hungry sloppy kiss, his tongue entering your mouth with desperation, his fingers pressing against your skin. Minho’s lips were just like you imagined, you could kiss him for ours, his tongue exploring your mouth as his hands explored your body holding you in place as he pulled away from you before turning your head to Seonghwa who held your face to him, his lips quick to crash against yours, tongue quickly exploring your mouth as you felt Minho step away from you, as his hands held your waist up, making you stop kissing Seonghwa for a second.

                “Time for your reward slut,” he laid on his back and you quickly straddled him, thankful for Minho’s strong hands helping to keep you up, Seonghwa observing everything with his hand slowly stroking his dick, “it’s time to bounce.”

                Your hand was quick to find his hard angry cock, lining it up with your throbbing entrance. You torturously and slowly sank down his shaft, feeling his every inch coming inside of you, filling you up so good that you couldn’t help but moan his name as he was finally full inside of you.

                “Thank fucking God,” the desperation in your voice made both laugh at you, but you honestly didn’t care anymore, as you ignored your wimbling legs as you started to bounce up and down in Minho’s length, his fingers sinking and helping you bounce on his cock, you knew you’d have marks the day after. “Hwa, please.”

                Your hands quickly found his cock as you took it in squeezing a little before use the precum to help the movement, his hands grabbing your face and moaning against your lips as you felt Minho hold you up and start to thrust into you as Seonghwa stuck his tongue inside your open moaning mouth as you stroke him shakingly before he groan against your mouth and start giving kisses against your neck as Minho kept burying himself inside of you.

                “So fucking beautiful my pretty little whore,” he bit your neck as you let out a small screaming moan as Minho kept hitting your cervix at every trust. “You gonna cum on Minho’s cock, you gonna let him fill you up nice and well?”

                “Yes, fuck, yes ple-please!”

                “Fuck you clenching so much around me,” Minho groaned and you felt his nails dig into your flesh deliciously as you squeezed Hwa’s cock, “Imma fill you up so good, you gonna keep my cum inside you, you got it?”

                “Yes, yes sir, please fill me up, jes-fuck!” Your whole body shook uncontrollably as you felt Minho let you down on him, his whole length inside you and you whimpered desperately rocking your hips back and forth trying to finally get your release. “Please let me cum, please, I’ll do anything, please fuck, please!”

                Minho slapped your ass holding your hips down as Seonghwa slapped your face taking your hands away from him, ignoring his aching cock as he cleaned some of the tears that dripped down your face, his tongue licking them away and you clenched around Minho feeling his fingers sink into your skin.

                “Minho, we good?”

                The groan made both you and Seonghwa chuckle as you felt his hands push you up, making you irritably accept that, feeling empty as Minho’s dick slide off you, sitting straight caressing your waist slightly.

                “Think you can handle the both of us? Be a good little slut for us?”

                Although Minho’s words where filthy and hit your core directly, the slight caress on your waist catching a little off guard, yet you caught yourself nodding eagerly.

                “Words slut,” Seonghwa said with his thumb caressing your red face still from the slap he gave you, “we need to hear you say you want us to stuff you up and fuck you dumb like we know you want and like.”

                “Hwa can take your cunt and I take your ass,” Minho’s teeth bit your shoulder making you shiver while Seonghwa’s hand found your nipple, playing with it, “and after he fill you up, I’ll take your cunt again and shove it right back into and mix it up with my own and you’ll keep both our cums inside of you.”

                “Yes sir, I will.”

                “Such a good whore for us, I think she deserves a reward no Minho?”

                “You ready to cum, pretty little whore?”

                “Yes, please.”

                Swiftly, Seonghwa held your waist pulling you in as he laid back on the other bed, his feet founding the floor as you straddled him, quickly taking your hand and finding his hard cock and placing it at your entrance as you sank down. He was longer than Minho, but thinner, making it easier to slide into your aching core, you bounced a few times before he held you down, pulling you in against his chest, to make it easier for Minho to slide into your ass.

                The tip of his cock at the rim of your ass and you close your eyes in anticipation. You felt the stretch and bit down your lip, but Seonghwa made you eye him and spread your lips open, a silent demand for you to not hold back, so you hid your face on the crock of his neck as you felt Minho stretch you out slowly and deliciously painfully as you felt both their cocks fill you up entirely.

                “That’s a good whore, such a good whore taking both our cock on your holes,” the tips of Minho’s fingers caressing your back before landing on your ass with a hard slap making you jolt and feel both cocks move inside you, letting a moan escape against Seonghwa’s skin, “gonna fill you up so good you won’t be able to walk.”

                Minho was the first to move as you sank your teeth into Seonghwa skin, hearing his groan in your ear, but as soon as your body relaxed, both boys held your body as they started to move in different rhythms. As Minho’s cock was coming out, Seonghwa’s was coming in, you were never fully filled and never fully empty.

                Seonghwa’s hands were quick to find your ass cheeks spreading them as both thrusted relentlessly into you making you see stars and become a moaning and shaking mess. Minho pulled you up from your shoulders, one hand around your waist holding you up as the other played with your breast, allowing Seonghwa’s fingers to find your clit as the other squeezed your ass cheek oh so painfully.

                The overstimulation was sending you skyrocket to the edge of the universe. Incoherent speech left your lips as both kept thrusting deep into you. Your moans started to become little screams as you felt your whole but heat up and tremble under their hands, you cried out trying to get away as the overstimulation became too much.

                “Stay put slut, we gonna fill you up good and you gonna take like the pretty little whore you are.”

                “You squeezing me so fucking good, guess you are indeed a whore, taking both cocks so well, begging to be filled up.”

                “Gonna cum slut? Gonna cum on Hwa’s cock?”

                “Can you even take us both? You think you can handle Minho after I fill you up, hun?”

                “Yes, yes I can, please sir, please fill me up, please make me cum, I promise I can take both cocks, please.”

                You cried out clenching around them as you screamed one last time before feeling the so denied wave of pleasure rush through your body, crying even harder as they didn’t stop, searching for their own release. You were now their personal fuck toy, and you weren’t even mad at that.

                “Fuck she’s clenching so much!”

                “Take our cum slut, take it all.”

                Minho took his dick away from your ass and released your body that was quickly embraced by Sengohwa who thrusted harder into you, helping build up another orgasm on the way as you cried against his neck.

                “Fuck just like that, take my cock you filthy slut.”

                “Hwa plea-please…OH FUCK!”

                You felt his seed spill inside of you the same moment your second orgasm hit, but not even a second later and Minho pulled you out of Seonghwa, turning you on the back, the mattress sinking in between your legs and you feel the small stretch of Minho’s girth in your gummy walls and moaned in pleasure again, your hands quickly finding his forearm that held your waist down.

                “Time to fill you up for good.”

                “Yes please, please Min, fuck me please, fill me up.”

                “Such a cum and cock slut,” he finally thrusted into your swollen cum dripping cunt, his movements fast as his free hand went to slap your tits as he used the one on your waist for balance. ���Fuck you take me so good, such a good whore with such a nice pussy.”

                “Yes, just for you, just for you and Hwa, fuck-fuck- FUCK!”

                You cried as you sensed fingers playing with your clit and you knew it was Hwa as Minho’s hand had not left your waist and were still playing with your tits.

                “Just like that, cum for me, I know you can do it again, cum on my fucking cock you filthy little whore.”

                His movements became sloppy, and you knew he wouldn’t last long and, the way they were both working you up, you knew you wouldn’t either. Your toes curled as Minho’s fingers twisted your nipple while Hwa’s pinched your clit and you cried out loud as you felt Minho thrust you one last time before collapsing on top of you, barely able to hold his own body weight, although you couldn’t complain as it has kind of comforting after everything.

                Your eyes were shut, you could hear movement around the room, Minho’s body lifting it up just enough to look at your face. His free hand was quick to take your hair away from your face, both breathings were heavy, neither could hold a small chuckle at the situation you were in.

                “You okay?” You nodded and he smiled leaving a small kiss on your lips before pulling it out, receiving a complain from you. “I’m sorry pretty, were we too hard on you?”

                He laid on your side, his fingers feather like against your skin, lingering a little longer on the more visible marks bringing a smile to your lips.

                “I’m okay.”

                “I’ll be gentle, promise,” Seonghwa’s voice was concerned, they both were as they realized the state you were in. “We were too rough with you, pretty, I’m sorry.”

                “I’m not,” you said quickly using your elbows to lift your upper body, hissing as you felt the cloth Seonghwa was using to clean you up against your sored lower body, making him be even more careful, “I had fun, you guys don’t need to be sorry for anything.”

                “Well, you did beg us a few times,” Minho chuckled and you rolled your eyes noticing how he started to move his body upwards, Seonghwa handing him the cloth before coming up on your other side of the bed, “but we should have been less… eager with you.”

                “That’s a word I could use,” you laughed as you felt Seonghwa touch your arms, indicating for you to move up with them. “I didn’t wanna be the one to ask, but -”

                “This is something we’ve been talking for a while,” Seonghwa cut you off as your back found the wall, both boys eyes on you and you suddenly felt aware of yourself, which didn’t go unnoticed by them as Seonghwa continued talking and Minho pulled some of the covers up on your body, “we can’t deny we are attracted to you, we also know you are to us, we don’t mind sharing you if you take us.”

                You stopped for a moment observing both of them, searching for any type of bad reaction to the idea of you being shared by them in any way.

                “So, what does that makes us?”

                “Whatever you want it to be, pretty,” Minho’s hand found yours playing lightly with them, intertwining your fingers as Seonghwa’s went to your face and neck, taking in your features. “So, will you take us?”

                Your only answer was kissing them. Minho first, Seonghwa second. It was a different kiss this time, it wasn’t rushed, it was light, careful, tender. Both kept observing you, expecting anything, searching for any type of rejection just how you were looking for it a while ago.

                “Do you guys mind if we sleep for now?”

                You sigh and they chuckled laying beside you. Minho was quick to turn on his back as you wrapped your legs around his, resting your head on his shoulder, your hand quickly found Seonghwa, pulling him close as you made him hug you by the waist. It felt right, whatever you three were to become.

                Sleep found you fast as Minho’s left hand made small circles on your knee around his hip and Seonghwa caressed your hand and left small kisses on the back of your neck and shoulders. A smile plastered on your face.

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