#me: I'm fucking trying but they don't 'believe' in medicine

[thebibliosphere]

I was talking on the phone to my mother earlier about how it looks like I'm possibly heading into very early perimenopause, and she agreed that was likely seen as how she had her last kid at 38 (same age as me) and then immediately went straight into menopause. Her body just shut up shop like no thank you, we are not doing that again.

And I was kinda joking with her like, wow, must be nice to have not had a period for 36 years, and she kinda laughed, then said, "Yeah. Except for that time when it came back when I was about 50," and I was like oh, wild, I didn't know about that, what did the doctor say and she was like, "Doctor?"

And that's when I had to be like, what do you mean you never went to the doctor when your period randomly came back after 12 years????

"Is that bad?"

Is that... MUM.

Anyway. I spent my afternoon explaining to my 74-year-old mother that you're not supposed to get your period again after you hit menopause, and if you do, it can be a warning sign that something else is going on, like a fibroid or cancer, and she should probably go to the doctor. Which, good news, I guess, she's already going because she's had a pain in her stomach for a while.

How long?

Oh, y'know. On and off. For about twenty years.

[slightly-knot-insane]

Corruption

Monstertober 2024 - day 11 + 12 [ Medieval Menace + Devilish Charm ] by @ozzgin

[ m!demon x virgin fem!reader ]

"Come ooooon." He is there, again, whining like a spoiled brat. You try to speed up, but you know he can catch up with you easily. He can fly, and shapeshift and who-knows-what other devilries. And the worst thing is...

"Come on, my lady, just one little peck."

Only you can see him.

The demon had appeared before you for the first time about a month ago. You jumped out of your bed, screaming and ran into the castle's chapel, praying to the God for help. But the demon, he... He stood behind you, unbothered by the holy grounds, and laughed. He hasn't left you since. No prayers, no medicine, no begging helped. He became your lustful companion, always whispering lewd things into your ear, enjoying your reactions.

"No. Leave me alone, you foul creature! Why must you torture me?"

He feigns anger. "Foul? Torture? Lies. I know I'm dashing. My beautiful skin, my perfect physique, my voice and charm... Don't lie to yourself." In a blink of an eye, he is behind you, whispering into your ear. "I know you dream about me."

You gasp and jump, ready to start running away from him, but he stops you. He pulls you close to him and your noses almost touch. He truly is so handsome. B-but he's a demon! He even has horns and a tail and extremely long tongue. You blush hard thinking about that time he has shown it to you. Long, purple and...

But that is so wrong! You are a god-fearing maiden, pure and betrothed to a nobleman. Why is demon following you? What does he want from you? You pray, you obey, you have no desires whatsoever... Well, maybe sometimes...

"I know you dream about me. I know that your virgin cunt gets wet just thinking about me. Believe me, I get hard too imagining pushing my cock and stretching your sweet little hole."

He pushes you against the wall and you realize you're completely alone. With him. He licks his lips before taking you by the chin and kissing you. You push his shoulders, but he doesn't budge. His snake-like tongue worms in between your lips and finds your tongue. Before you know it, you stop resisting.

"Nur eine Nacht," he whispers while you take your breath. "That's all I ask. One night. With you."

He cups your cheek, and slides his clawed thumb into you mouth. Without even thinking, you suck it because that feels right. "Good girl. My good little slut." You tremble listening to his voice. His hand lifts your skirts and finds your cunt. "Such a dirty little hole. It is ready for me already."

He kisses you again and this time he pushes his tongue deep into your throat. You are surprised, but his finger finding your clit surprises you more. You try to moan, but you can't. He fucks your throat with his tongue while rubbing your bundle of nerves. The wave of pleasure that is approaching you is stronger than when you touched yourself. You hold his hand, trying to slow him down or you think you will shatter. But he doesn't slow down. He twirls his thumb around your clit and rubs your entrance, massaging it and stretching it.

Just as you're about to climax, he stops and withdraws. You almost fall down. "No... don't stop now..."

He giggles and wipes his lips. "On your knees, harlot."

You drop down and quickly unbutton his pants, drooling and panting, wanting that wonderful pulse in the bottom of your stomach to continue. His thick cock is in your mouth and you eagerly lick it. You push your wet finger in his sheath and pull it, and the demon sucks air through his teeth. "Who taught you that?" He sounds surprised but satisfied and you eagerly continue. Nobody taught you anything. You just know what you want.

The demon grabs your hair and thrusts hard down your throat. "Ahh, I want to cum in your beautiful mouth but..." He picks you up and slams you against the wall again. He rips your bottom skirt and underwear in two swift moves and then pushes your bodice down so that he could bite your tits. He isn't gentle when he pushes his cock inside you; it hurts only a little, but the pleasure that is pumped into you with his every thrust is more than enough to forget everything. You moan and whimper, holding him firmly against yourself. "Fuck me harder," you demand. "Fuck me."

"You slut, I knew you would love this," he replies and pushes his cock inside your slick hole, all the way until your cervix, und fucks your tight pussy until it explodes from orgasm. You scream and he catches your yowl with his mouth, inserting his tongue again. With an animalistic grunt that pushes its way into your throat, he cums filing you with his demonic seed.

"From a peck to a fuck," he says, smirking. "I knew you were a dirty little harlot after all."

[redr0sewrites]

Sick!Sevika x reader Hcs

🥀A/n: back on my bullshit‼️

🥀Cw: fluff, comfort, kinda angsty but only if u tilt your head, put on glasses, and squint

🥀Character(s): Sevika x reader

sick? her? she still has to do silco's dirty work, she doesn't have time to be sick- or weak in any form

sevika absolutely overworks herself when she's sick, i said what i said. she practically doesn't believe in weakness, and thinks she can just "push through" the natural way

she can be so stubborn about self care, it genuinely makes you want to scream

there isn't exactly good healthcare in the undercity, but she absolutely seems like the type to take 15 advil and call it a day. she might evn try taking shimmer to "boost her immune system" pls stop her

you have to practically force her to bed, sevika could be seconds away from collapse and still claim that she's "fine", but with enough pleading she'd take a break

it isn't long before she just passes out though

at first, sevika would be a liiitle bit irritated at your worries, claiming that she can handle herself, but feels bad once she realizes how much you genuinely care. she does NOT have an appetite when she's sick but would, begrudgingly, at least try to eat if you asked

she gets headaches a lot. this is just a personal hc, but i really feel like she would get a bunch of tension headaches. sevika HATES them so much, and would be really appreciative of massages

its one of the few ways to actually get her to relax when she's feeling unwell, just say a few sweet words and start rubbing her upper back and she'll practically melt (but she'll never admit it ;)

sevika isn't used to having someone take care of her, and will try her best to make it up to you

that being said, she's not above trapping you in bed with her all day for cuddles- she doesn't care about germs, she just wants you close to her

i feel like she wouldn't be the talkative type when she's sick, and would be a lot more affectionate. you are NOT leaving the bed, she's practically clinging to you with her arm thrown over your body

will respect your wishes to not kiss on the mouth, and gives you a lot of forehead and hand kisses

she has an adorable sneeze. i think it's hilarious when tough, strong characters just have this adorable chipmunk sneeze.

pretty pliant when it comes to taking medicine and other forms of healing, and once she isn't sick anymore she definitely pampers you (more than usual) to pay you back

"y'dont have to do that, doll," Sevika murmurs as you massage her neck, her voice raspy from exhaustion. "i know, but i want to," you reply, gently kissing the top of her head as you apply some more pressure to her spine. she sighs, leaning backwards into your touch ever so slightly. the chair she's sitting on creaks as you continue your ministrations, relaxing all of the knots in her muscles and working away at all of the excess tension. Sevika suddenly inhales sharply and you pause, worrying that you hurt her, only for her to sneeze softly. "oh my god Sev..."

"don't start."

"was that your sneeze?" Sevika grumbles, turning away from you as you giggle. "its so cute! who would've known..."

"shut up."

"aww, but you love me, don't you Sev?" Sevika sighs, turning around to face you on the chair. she gently grabs your face, pulling you down to her level where she kisses your forehead. "f'course i do, brat. now shut up and finish my massage, i'm tired." you chuckle again at her prickly attitude before giving a mock salute. "yes ma'am!" Sevika mutters a few words under her breath that sound suspiciously like brat, and not cute, but turns around and eases back into your touch anyways. her back muscles ripple as you supply relief to her sore spots.

fuck, what a woman. how you pulled her you will never know. Sevika suddenly bursts into a coughing fit, chest heaving slightly as she leans forward to steady herself. "shit, that doesn't sound pleasant," you say, and Sevika merely turns and rolls her eyes. "when's the last time you've slept?" you ask accusingly, and Sevika, failing to supply you with an acceptable answer, proceeds to stand up and follow you as you practically drag her to bed.

"you, my dear, need rest". you accentuate the last word, and watch as your lover smirks at you. "only if you join me," she quips, and you don't even hesitate before crawling into bed next to her. your so weak for her, it isn't even funny. Sevika pulls you close, your back up against her chest and her arm thrown across your body. you can feel her breathe on your neck, and you swear you hear her say, "i love you".

"what was that, Sev?" you tease, already feeling exhaustion weigh on your eyelids. "go to sleep," she grumbles, pressing a hasty kiss to the back of your neck.

"i love you too."

guess whos sick rn 😔 i thrive off of reverse comfort it isn't even funny. ANYWAYS hope yall enjoyed!!!!!! i loooove sevika soo much.

PLEEEEEAAAAASE SEND IN ARCANE REQSSSSSS🙏🙏🙏

[muniimyg]

4: the cold // series m.list

note: reblogging w fic taglist cos the limit is annoying n my posts keep glitching </3 sorry for the long wait! i literally finished c2u and was working on c2u's extras as well as attempting to keep my life together LOL . this jk is literally GETTING INTO IT YUHHH . hope everyone is enjoying the story ,, i'm so excited for the rest ! we're halfway thru :( if u missed aao jk ,, lmk ur fave moment of his as of now huhuhuuuu

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “aao” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar @jkslvsnella @parkinglot-nights @kissyfacekoo

//

Picture this. 

Jungkook sent you a text, claiming to be sick. He said:

jungkook (liar) 3:09PM: no fr i get so dizzy standing up lol

jungkook (liar) 3:09PM: deadass i’m wearing like 7 layers and i’m chilly af .. need the warmth of ur arms, baby 🙏🏼

jungkook (liar) 3:10PM: do u think u can come by w some medicine? i’d owe u like… my whole heart

jungkook (liar) 3:10PM: nvm gave that to u already 😘✋🏽

Your natural response to his concerning text messages was to call him. When you called to check up on him, you noted how he coughed at every perfect pause... How his voice was toned groggy with a hint of pathetic. 

Just as pathetic as his lie. 

Does he think you're dumb? Fine. Two can play this game.

The second Jungkook opens the door and is greeted by his friends, grinning goofily with alcohol in their hands—he feels the urge to shut the door at their face. “Ah, for fucks sake—”

“Not so fast!” Hobi squeals as he grabs your wrists and tugs you from the back of the crowd to the front. Offering you to Jungkook, Hobi winks, “I believe this belongs to you.”

Jungkook’s eyes soften at the sight of you.

Lowering his head, he purses his lips for a kiss. You blink at him, letting him stand there like a fool. A few of his friends chuckle at the rejection, but it doesn’t dishearten Jungkook. Instead, he lifts his head and carries on. 

Hey, the kiss was worth a shot. 

With a patient tone, he tries to talk this out. “I thought it was just going to be you coming over...”

Shrugging at him, you answer; “And I thought you were sick.” 

"Well, what can I say? I always feel better whenever you're around." Jungkook chides.

Unimpressed, you tsk at him. “Nice try, buddy.”

Your hunch was right.

Jungkook wasn't sick.

There was no eye bag in sight, no cough to be heard, and with the short amount of time it took him to answer the door; he doesn't seem dizzy at all. If anything, he looks freshly showered and prepared.

For a sick man, his 5PM fit was rather suggestive. He's wearing jeans, and a white wife beater with an off-white button-up unbuttoned. He must know he's hot, right? He wore this on purpose.

"A little dressed up for someone who should be pretending to be sick..." you poke his chest.

Jungkook grins, instantly shrugging his button-up off. "Oh, my bad. Here, I'll undress and—"

"Jungkook!" you gasp as you tug his button-up back on. "Your friends are here! Don't be so shameless—"

"Whose fault is that?" he laughs. "___, was I not clear when I asked for you? You. Not the circus.”

“Hey!” Nam Joon cries from the crowd. “Are you calling me a clown?”

Jungkook lifts his head and shakes it. Smiling at his hero, he assures Nam Joon; “Not you, hyung. I love you.”

Earning a few laughs, the moment ends when Jin interrupts and pushes past you. Jungkook places his arm in front of your body, gently moving you against the wall. He shoots Jin a glare but Jin doesn't seem to catch on. He makes one final comment before inviting himself into Jungkook's home; “Stop sucking Joon's dick and let us in!”

As his friends cheer and begin to invade his home, you stand still and laugh at them hustling in. As they make random remarks, Jungkook warns them not to touch certain things in his living room and that his bedroom is off-limits. Walking in, his friends can't help but feel out of place when they spot the homecooked meal Jungkook prepared for you two. The table is all set up. The projector is ready to go in the living room corner, accompanied by the ever so comfy set up of pillows and fuzzy blankets on the couch… The fuzzy blanket on the couch that Taehyung and Hobi have now wrapped themselves in.

Yeah..

Jungkook did not see this coming. He groans at the very sight. His plans were ruined.

Once Jimin gets his little ass inside, you take that as your cue to head in. You duck under Jungkook's arm and just as you think you’re about to get away—he stops you. He takes a step back and swoops his other arm around your waist.

“Not so fast.”

You huff. “Okay. I’ll walk in slow motion—”

“___…” Jungkook says in a warning tone. “Yah, I said I was sick and you show up here with my friends?”

You poke his chest. “I had a feeling you were up to no good. I brought reinforcement.”

For the most part, Jungkook likes to think he has you figured out. Then, you pull shit like this and he is completely tongue-tied.

Jungkook can’t help but applaud your move. It’s petty and nonchalant… It’s well played. Yet, he feels bittersweet at the very realization that you’ve outsmarted him so early on. 

To be fair, his main moves are centered around lies. 

… Is it so wrong that he thought he could at least get one last good lie before facing the truth?

The truth is that he has grown to like you so much he has completely lost control of his words and thoughts. Every time he’s around you—that’s it. That’s the entire moment. That’s his entire world. He doesn’t know how to keep it that way, you know? He hasn’t figured out how to freeze time and just be with you. So, he lies. He lies in an attempt to make the moment last just a second longer. 

He knows he could have you with a simple conversation and his bunny smile. He knows he’s kindhearted and would be a great boyfriend if you let him… He’s just having a hard time navigating through all the feelings. They consume him faster and fiercer than he expected. The only way to keep up is to keep you near, and the only way to keep you near is to keep making excuses. 

Thus, this week’s excuse. 

He huffs at you. "A home-cooked meal, a movie on my projector, and comfy blankets... Means I'm up to no good? Come on, ___. This is ridiculous!"

"You've been so mischievous ever since—"

"It was just the ice skating thing!" Jungkook defends himself.

"It was also the pocky thing—"

His eyes light up. Jungkook’s lips curve into a smirk. "Ah... Thinking about our kiss, huh?"

Now you feel sick.

Was he serious? How does he do this to you? He says everything so bluntly and out of pocket, your tummy has no choice but to flip upside down and feel all the butterflies flutter.

"N-no!" you panic.

"Pucker up and prove me wrong," Jungkook insists, shutting his eyes and pursing his lips at you. "Like you said, I'm not sick. Kissing me won't get you sick—love sick, maybe..."

You cross your arms at him.

"Jungkook."

Opening his eyes one at a time, he puts his hands up and lets you go. He'll admit defeat here. Clearly, you aren't happy with his moves...

He'll try this.

He'll try honesty.

“___," he smiles, attempting to lighten the mood. "Hey, I was trying to—”

“Flirt?” you finish his sentence. “Yeah, sure… Has it ever occurred to you that you can flirt with me without lying?”

His eyes widen. 

“Does it bother you that much?” He asks, feeling like he is completely messed up. “I’m sorry, baby. I thought it was harmless—”

You shake your head, denying his accusation. It was deeper than that. It is the principal and the root of his lying being a habit in your relationship.

“It’s not that it bothers me that much… It's just... Y-you don't have to do all this, you know? I like getting to know you, but it feels like it's impossible. You keep setting up scenarios for yourself to look good in or for me to take care of you in. I'd do it regardless if you're hurt or not. You know that, right?"

"I do," Jungkook agrees. "I just..."

You look at him with sincere eyes. "Jungkook, I'm just not understanding... Why? It’s just weird to me that you were so confident and honest when you confessed. To be honest, I really admire that part of you. B-but now that you’re… That w-we’re…. Uhmm—it's different. You're acting differently. You can flirt with me all you want. It's whatever... But maybe try something else? I'm tired of you lying, Jungkook.”

He gulps.

"You want honesty?" Jungkook begins. "Here it is... I like you too much. Like, so much that I don't know what to do with myself whenever you're around—not to mention it's even worse when you're not. I want your attention. All the time. Everything about me for everything about you."

"Jungkook—"

"Can you wait for me?" He asks you unexpectedly. "Wait for me to get it right... Because I know I can. I will get it right."

When you two join everyone inside, Jungkook’s apartment is filled with so much chaos it’s difficult for him not to A) partake and B) be upset about everyone crashing his date night (by ambush). 

Honestly, Jungkook’s been pretty busy lately. He’s been neglecting his social life as school, work, and you (not that he’s complaining) have been taking over. In a way, he finds it sweet that you ruined his plans with yours. Especially since you came in with all his friends. It was a nice surprise. He will definitely take note of your sneaky ways too. 

By the time everyone gets hungry, there’s barely any space for anyone to eat. Some friends are sitting on the floor, eating off the coffee table or parts of the couch. Others are eating standing up, and the rest crowd over his tiny kitchen island and dining table. There are a few girls you’ve invited here and just as usual, you all went to the bathroom together. As you all enter back into the scene, there is absolutely no space. 

“___!” Jin calls you over. “Eat with us.”

You look at the girls and exchange laughs. They tease you before pushing to towards the dining table. As you approach, you realize there’s barely space let alone a seat. Without much thought, you gravitate towards Jungkook who is sitting and eating. Squeezing your way through, he notices you and nods towards Hobi. Hobi then responds by handing you a plate of food Jungkook set aside for you. Taking the plate, you thank Hobi. Jungkook then pushes his chair back and just as he’s about to get up from his seat to give to you—

“No, it’s okay. Sit.” You insist. 

“But you don’t have a seat—”

Then, it happens so naturally.

You place your plate on the table next to his and take a seat on his lap. When you do this, all the boys exchange looks but say nothing. Their eyes almost pop out of their head and Hobi even chokes on his food. He tries to hide it and turns away so you don’t think twice about it. They’re all aware of how shy you are and this? This was a big thing for Jungkook that they couldn’t ruin. You were finally coming out of your shell.

Thank god.

Meanwhile, Jungkook feels winded. 

He can’t believe this. 

He can’t believe you.

But given the circumstances… He might just have to. So, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he smiles at you warmly and tells you that he put all your favourites on your plate. He tells you to eat everything and that he ordered strawberry bingsoo for dessert. 

“I love strawberries!” you gasp. Looking up, you bat your eyelashes and tease him, “yah, you make it too obvious you have a crush on me… You know that?” 

Jungkook squints at you, followed by scrunching his nose. You lean against his forehead and mimic his little stare. 

It takes everything in him to not lean in and kiss you.

Slowly but surely, everyone leaves. The only ones left are you, Jungkook, and the other 6 clowns. Yoongi and Jin went out to start the cars while Joon, Taehyung, Jimin, and Hobi finished up taking the trash out or washing the dishes. 

You and Jungkook are tidying the living room. He thanks you for organizing the little get-together and apologizes again for lying to you about being sick. You tell him it wasn’t that serious—it was just built-up confusion and frustration. Further, you tell him that you don’t want him to see you as someone that he has to jump through hoops to spend time with. You tell him you want it too. You want to spend time with him too. You want to get to know him too. 

You want to fall in love—

"I can do that," Jungkook nods, understanding where you're coming from. Your thoughts are interrupted as he fluffs the final pillow and grabs your hands. He squeezes them and then lets go. "But only if you stop being so oblivious. At least try, you know? It's hard for me too. Like, we're dating and I'm trying to woo you and shit—"

Dating?

Woo you?

Shit.

Your heart skips a beat.

"Wait," you pause. "Jungkook, a-are we dating?”

Just when he opens his mouth to speak, Hobi interrupts. 

“___, let’s go! Jin wants to race Yoongi!” 

Jungkook blinks at Hobi. “You’re not racing when ___’s in the car. Are you mad?”

Hobi lifts his hands. “Shit man, I’m just the messenger!”

Without skipping a beat, Jungkook turns to you with stern eyes. “I’ll drive you home.”

You decline. “You’re already home. Relax, it’s Jin. He’s all talk and no bite.”

“___…”

As a compromise, you promise him; “I’ll ride in Yoongi’s car.”

He thinks about it for a moment. Then, he realizes he has no other practical choice. “Fine. At least if you guys do race, you’ll be in the winning car.”

Hobi coughs. “Yo, what the fuck? I’m riding in Jin’s.”

You laugh and tell Hobi you’ll meet them out the door in a second. Hobi leaves immediately, yelling at Jimin to trade spots with him so he can ride with Yoongi. Once he’s out the door, Jungkook’s apartment falls in silence. 

“.... I better get going,” you breathe. “I’ll see you around?”

Scanning his apartment, you smile at the sight of everything being tidy. Picking up your feet, you head towards the door. Like a sad puppy, Jungkook trails behind you.

As you head out, Jungkook feels an urge in his stomach to make this moment last longer. “Oh... S-sure. See you at the library tomorrow?”

“You hate the library.”

“No, I don’t—”

“It’s also Saturday tomorrow.”

Jungkook blinks at you. “I love spending my Saturdays in the library.”

Giggling at his awful attempt, you remind him, “hey, we just talked about you and your fibs—”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jungkook surrenders. He puts his hands up and tilts his head. Pouting as you put your shoes on, he continues to ramble. “See what I mean? I say the wildest things just to be with you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, plopping back up. Jungkook then helps you put your jacket on and gives you your tote bag. “Whatever you say, liar.”

He rolls his eyes at you. As you open the door, you face him with a silly face. He ruffles your hair as he bids his farewell, “Goodnight. Text me when you get home, baby.” 

Then, just like that, the door shuts and Jungkook is all alone.

As he turns away and finally feels like he can catch his breath after everything that happened between you two tonight, he hears the door knock. Turning back, he reaches for the doorknob, opens the door, and sees you standing there. 

“Did you forget something?”

“Goodnight kiss.”

He draws a blank. 

“What—”

Jungkook’s heart skips a beat as you tiptoe and reach for the nape of his neck and pull him close. Leaning in, you press your lips against him and kiss him softly. Without hesitating, he kisses you back and chases your lips the second you pull away. 

You pull away too fast for his liking.

“Okay, goodnight—”

He kisses you again, deepening it as much as he can. When you pull away to catch your breath, he sneaks in one last kiss. Then, he kisses your cheeks and turns you around. Before sending you off, he teases you one last time. 

“Go away. I hate you.”

Laughing at his words, you realize that sometimes—they aren’t so bad.

Him and his lies.

You and your reading in between lines.

[darkbluekies]

This is going to be interesting fr, like how much differently do your ocs treat the reader if they were childhood friends. I’m super excited! Also can’t wait to see Jerry again ❤️

Warnings: violence, murder, unstable home life, bullying

Silas:

Being Silas's childhood friend guarantees you a bodyguard. He doesn't let anyone get close to you. You don't ever have to worry about the fact that anyone will bully you, because Silas will obliviate them. He's the type to let you lean on his shoulder in class whenever you feel tired. He will ditch school with you and go to the zoo if you want to.

People around you will try to separate the two of you. “Silas isn't a good influence”, they say, and doesn't want his behavioral problems to rub off on you, or for you to get in danger. There are speculations that Silas is involved in criminal gangs — and if someone asks you, you won't deny it. But Silas won't let anyone take you from him, won't let anyone touch you. You always have his arm wrapped around your waist or shoulders, always claimed by him.

“I'm going to bash that kid's skull in, I'm not fucking joking. If they dare to to touch you — no — if he as much as breathe near you, I'll send them to the nurses office. Lean your head on me, Y/N, its okay. Does your hand still hurt? I cant believe that he fucking stepped on it. It doesn't matter if it was a mistake. I'll cut his off.”

Dr Kry:

There is something off about him, and everyone can see that. He sits back straight, hands together, and always in clean, ironed clothes. His hair is always brushed and fixed, he hates germs and people. And he hates it all, he really does. The only friend he has, is you. The only one he doesn't think is dirty, is you. You know that the reason he sits and talks like a robot is because of how strict his parents are. There has been multiple times where he has dirtied his clothes while playing with you, and has panicked. You help him clean them before going home, and when touching him you make sure to wipe your hands with a cloth — even if you know that he doesn't mind your germs. You know how he doesn't like to be touched, so you never hug him or linger on too long, which is just why Kry likes you so much.

You are the only one who knows about his author's dreams. His parents want him to become a doctor, or a lawyer, and you know he's interested in medicine, but he wants to be able to write. He wants to write sci-fi stories, and you are the only one that knows it.

You get teased by others for being with the “clean freak” but it doesn't bother you. However, it does bother Kry. After someone has been mean to you, they always end up in the hospital, one way or another. You can't help but wonder if it's your shy, sweet friend who's behind it.

“I like having picnics with you. Oh, you forgot the other fork? No, don't apologize, I understand that it was a mistake. We can share a fork, I'm okay. Yes, it's fine, I don't mind … you're so nice, wiping the fork for me, you don't have to do that ...”

King Edmund:

If you are Edmund’s friend while he's the crown prince, you need a lot of patience. He is spoiled rotten, entitled and unpleasant to be around. Everything is on his terms. But that doesn't mean that he doesn't value you. He is locked in his room day in and day out with a private tutor, completely isolated from everyone else. He will throw fits and threaten not to do his classes, unless he is allowed to play with you. So, they bring you to the castle where you get to live from now on.

Edmund absolutely loves to spend time with you. You ride horses together, torment the staff, play pranks and read. When he can't sleep, he walks into your room and crawls under the sheets.

You're with him when his parents are murdered. Edmund's first instinct when the castle is attacked is to run to your room, wake you up and hide the two of you. He is equipped with a sword and will protect you to the last moments.

Although the two of you are isolated, there are people in the staff making fun of you, or talking bad. Edmund doesn't even hide the fact that he orders for their deaths.

“I fucking hate classes, and I hate that tutor. It's so boring. I wish you could take the classes with me, it'd be so much more fun. After class, can't we do something? Can't we go down to the fountain and read? I want you to read for me. You're the only one that reads the story right, that does them justice. Everyone else sounds like fucking donkeys.”

Jerry:

Jerry goes to an all girls school in South Korea. You don't go to the same school — which is probably for the best. Jerry is the leader of her little gang, and they are notorious for their bullying. She is a bully for fun, but won't allow any of her friends to make fun of you. If they do, she will ruin their lives. You do know about her life outside the school though, you have been with her when she steals from stores (often makeup stores). You often meet her after school and go to the mall or amusement parks together. She's a very sweet person to be around when it's just the two of you.

You're friends with her before she starts to call herself ‘Jerry’ — when she's still ‘Yubin’. She had seen the name in a TV series and liked the character. She says that she is going to move to the US, and then she wanted an english name.

You're often with Jerry's friend group on weekend nights, often strolling around the town with alcohol and cigarettes, sometimes breaking stuff. Jerry makes sure that if they're ever caught, her and you slip away. She finds it all extremely exciting.

Jerry escapes to you when she gets to know that her parents (and perhaps sister if i want to give her one) have been murdered by a rival, when she has involved herself in criminal activities for real. It's the first time you get to see Jerry break down. She's in your arms, crying heavily, admitting how scared she is and how much she misses her parents. She loves her family, and now there is nothing left of it. She says that she died that day, and that whoever is inhabiting her body now is a fraction of who she once was.

“You're such a fresh wind from that fucking girl school. Why do I have to go there? Why am I not allowed to join a coed school? What? Why my nails have blood under them? No, I didn't get into a fight again. I didn't. I promise. Get up, let's go get sushi, I'm starving.”

Hedwig:

If you're a childhood friend of Hedwig, you're basically a family member. You go on her family's expensive vacations, just because Hedwig doesn't want to be alone.

You play every day and go through all stages of life together. Hedwig has always been the sweetest human you've ever known, and it surprises you when you see her angry. The many, many years you've been friends, you've only seen her angry a handful of times. You go to summer camps together, share beds, share everything. Teachers ask for the other when one is gone (which is rare).

Being childhood friends with Hedwig would most likely end in romance at one time, so she would win without having to do anything harsh. But if you started developing crushes other than Hedwig before, she would ruin their reputation until you wouldn't want to look at them anymore, but no one would know that it was Hedwig.

Hedwig has always been very popular, both for her money and looks, and by default, you've been too because you're her best friend. Hedwig likes to see how nice everyone is to you, because they know better than to upset you. No one wants to get out of the magical bubble that is Hedwig’s popularity.

“We will be friends forever, won't we? I don't think I could live without you, Y/N. You're the other half of my soul. If I don't have you nearby, I can't breathe.”

[im-am-not-a-weenie]

🍓period comfort

This is self indulgent 😃.

Reader is AFAB and I will be using she/her pronouns

shout out to all the girlies who don't like taking medicine and just power through it the cramps.

hinting at period sex with astarion, yknow how it is

spelling errors <3

see end for a/n

Gale, Astarion, halsin,

🍓Gale

you felt like shit. utter shit. if you didn't believe in the gods now you did because you've been praying for them to end your suffering hours ago. you were curled up in a ball in the corner of your tent

"Love, are you in here?'' your pity party was interrupted by your darling boyfriend Gale.

you let out a grunt to signal that you were in fact under the heap of blankets in the corner, you could hear a faint chuckle and footsteps nearing you

Gale crouched down and his knees gave a loud pop which made you smile a bit. "are you ok?" he asked gently. you shook your head under the blankets. "can I see you please?" his voice soft and words kind

with a huff you peaked out through the blankets. "there she is" Feeling his hand tuck a piece of your hair away you looked up. "what seems to be the matter?"

"I'm dying" you groaned. he immediately removed all your blankets and began scanning your body for injuries. "what's hurt, are you ok. you should tell me when you get hurt. or at least see Shadowheart or Halsin-." he rambles on

grabbing his worried hand and bringing it up for a kiss getting him to stop his ramble. " I'm fine gale, is just my period" That got him to stop, "oh" his face flushed, and just looked at you for a few seconds

"Why didn't you say that" he left the tent. before you could even get up to check on him he was back with a small basket filled with different plants food and canteens

you made a face of disbelief "Where did you get all of that on such short notice" The only answer you received was "I'm a wizard" he started to pile the blankets back on you but this time joining you in the pile

"eat this" he gave you a purple looking plant "it'll help your cramps " he said gently, you just shook your head. "cmon it'll make you feel better" he prompted." "I know," you said with a shrug and just snuggled into him

"Dont want icky medicine" he wrapped his arms around you pulling you close "Then what do you want" his hand started to play with your hair. "you" he let out a soft chuckle "That I can do"

you lay there in comfortable silence before Gale interrupted it. "you know I will make you eat that later right." you giggled "I'd like to see you try Wizard Boy."

spoiler alert, you ate the plant

🍓Astarion

let's be honest. he could care less (lies). astarion is one of those people who passively aggressively takes care of you

in a similar fashion you were in your tent curled up on the floor before astarion rudely barged in. "what are you still doing in bed." he asked dryly. you just groaned.

rolling his eyes he walked over and nudged you with his foot "Get up." looking up at him with a baffled expression you just stared at him "Did you just kick me?"

he scoffed "Darling I nudged you, you'll see kicking if you stay in bed any longer" he threatened with a smirk. "fuck off astarion i don't have to deal-" you cut yourself off with a groan as you doubled over and clutching your abdomen.

"stop being dramatic. it's not my fault you stayed up with Karlch and Wyll all night. you gave yourself the hangover now deal with it- why does it smell like blood in here." he looked confused and looked back down to you noticing how you clutching your lower stomach. it took a minute but finally, he connected the dots.

he sighed sitting on the ground and pulled you into his lap. "oh my poor dear." it was one of those rare occasions where his voice was soft and genuine

his hand trailed down and rested on your lower stomach. "does it hurt right here?" he asked softly as his other hand played with your hair. after answering with a simple nod he started to softly massage there trying to relieve some pressure.

"y'know," he said with a mischievous smile "you smell delicious right now. Gasping you hit him playfully "astarion." he giggled and held you tight against him. "come now dear we both know it wouldn't be the first time" he pressed a kiss on the top of your head

rolling your eyes fondly you giggled with him. "maybe later when I'm not feeling like I'm being stab." "of course darling, just think of it like an extra meal for me" that earned him another playful hit.

🍓Halsin

walking. sooooooooooo much walking, when will we stop walking. you think to yourself, you and your companions have been walking for almost the whole day, and for what. to look for a stupid necklace for a stupid-

"my heart are you alright" Internal monologue was interrupted by your mountain of a boyfriend Halsin. "No, I'm alright" quickly dismissing his worry. you didn't really want to do this quest but you knew the sooner you got it done the sooner you could make camp

he looked unsure but nodded making sure to slow his strides to walk with you. you felt his hand grasp yours. everything was fine until it wasn't, you felt a sharp pain in your uterus. you inhaled a deep breath and stopped moving, closing your eyes and trying to collect yourself

halsin stopped to observe you "Are....are you sure you're feeling well?" you felt a hand on your shoulder. your eyes met his, you gave him a reassuring smile "It's just cramps bear, I'll survive"

he looked at you worried "You started your cycle?" it made you laugh a tad. "no, not yet."

"then why-" "Halsin my love, I get cramps before during, and after. I'm fine" you explained calmly. another painful wave washed over you. this time Halsin picked you up and started walking in the opposite direction of anyone else

"Not that I'm complaining but what are you doing?" you giggled at the sudden lift. no matter how big you were Halsin made you feel small, but in a good way

"I'm taking you to camp," he said simply and left no room for arguments 'if you are suffering I'd rather you suffer in my arms in our bedroll' he kissed the top of your head.

you felt safe and loved, the rhythm of Halsin's steps made you drift to sleep. when you awoke you were wrapped up tightly in Halsin's arms, your bodies tangled together you smiled and kissed Halsin's cheek before falling asleep again

hey. i did it i posted on time. anyway, i hope yall liked this! it was purely self-indulgent. also thank you for all the love of my last post! I've never gotten that many notes before. my inbox is open for requests. and i also can write for other characters bg3. <3

[ms-demeanor]

Look I was always annoying but my primary pathway to being annoying on the internet involved reading the entire back catalog of science based medicine after getting diagnosed with celiac disease and food allergies and getting a bunch of fucking *bullshit* woo woo pseudoscience crap thrown at me when I was trying to find evidence-based ways to make myself less sick.

It was *medical woo specifically* that pointed me to online skeptical and rationalist communities that I'd never bothered looking for because I was raised by annoying skeptics and didn't need the online community until I hit a wall of bullshit cures and the fucking Wheat Belly book.

I am Extremely Not Chill about medical woo and I'm often able to maintain a polite, enthusiastic, considerate tone when talking about nutrition but I am not capable of keeping that up to dismiss yeast overgrowth or the china diet or Dr. Oz. Those are not things that I feel it is reasonable to calmly and patiently dissect because they are bullshit and they do tangible harm to people.

I try hard to not directly be an asshole to people who accidentally bring up topics that I go nuclear about, and I don't want people being assholes on my behalf, but also i hate the candida overgrowth woo community so fucking much and if it's something that you've found yourself believing I'm probably not someone you're going to listen to about it, but I'd strongly recommend trying to find some evidence based sources to read on the topic and I'd strongly suggest burning any books you come across with the name "Mercola" on the spine.

[weird-is-life]

Hate it, when you're in pain

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: Spencer has a painful migraine, so you take care of him

Warnings: use of pet names, fluff, mentions of painkillers, like one swear word

Words: 0.7k

It's dark, when you step inside your shared apartment, like almost pitch black if it weren't for a few beams of light peaking through the curtains.

"Spence?" you call out into the apartment, but no response. You know he is home tho, so you frown and go look for him.

You find him in his bed, the bedroom completely without any light. He's curled under a blanket and there're frown lines on his face as he lays on his side.

You should have guess it first thing when you stepped into the apartment. Poor Spencer is definitely having a painful migraine.

He doesn't have them very often now, but when he does, you know he is in a lot of pain. It gets pretty bad.

You think, he is asleep, but you're wrong.

"Sweetheart?" he groggily whispers, eyes barely open an inch. You quickly walk over to him, ducking down next to the bed.

You caress his cheek as you push away a few loose strands of his hair away from his face, "hi," you whisper back.

"Hurts?" you ask softly, face scrunched in a worry as you look at him.

"So fucking much," he murmurs, his eyes stay tightly shut," t-those stupid painkillers don't seem to work."

You'd laugh at Spencer getting angry at the painkillers, but you know he's hurting like crazy right now.

"I'll be right back," you mumble out. You quickly go get another painkiller, glass of water and something cold for his head.

You come back to Spencer still in the exactly same position, you found him before, but he is groaning in pain a bit. Nothing extra, just a clear sign of his current discomfort.

"I'm back," you announce and put the glass of water on the bedside table," here Spence, sit up."

You encourage him up and offer him the medicine, he looks reluctantly at it, like he doesn't believe it'll work. But you smile at him sweetly, so he swallows it.

"Thanks, sweetheart," he says, his voice still full of pain, but Spencer feels like the pain is getting better with you there to care for him.

He lays back down and you bring out the cold cloth. You put it over his forehead and his temples and Spencer yelps at the coldness of it.

"Sorry," you giggle quietly, "I know it's really cold, but it should help."

"It's okay, thank you," he says as his eyelids close.

"Try to get some sleep, yeah? I'll be in the living room-"

"Don't go, please," his eyes open quickly," could you stay? I missed you today," he admits without any shame. He loves you too much to be embarrassed about anything like this.

"Of course, I could," you respond. You go lie down next to him and to your surprise, Spencer is the one to be the big spoon, immediately cuddling you close to him.

"So how was your day, lovely?" he asks out of nowhere.

You laugh," Spence, you are almost 'dying' from pain right now and you're asking me 'how was my day'?"

"Yeah, and?" he responds cockily with like zero care about it.

"You're ridiculous," you huff out with a chuckle," just shut up and sleep, handsome. I'll tell you everything about it after you feel better."

"But-"

"No but, please just sleep, yeah? I promise, we'll talk later," you take his hand in yours and kiss the back of his hand.

"Okay," he murmurs, but stays quiet. And before you know it, he's out, fast asleep. Letting out one peaceful breath after another.

You debate, whether you should slowly crawl out of Spencer's tight embrace and gets some things done in your lovely home or just stay right where you are.

You eyelids start to get heavier and heavier, so they decide it for you. You fall asleep in Spencer's hands, your limbs tangled up with his.

When the both of you wake up, it's already dark outside. But more importantly, Spencer's intense headache is gone and you two talk as you promised (and exchange kiss or two every now and then).

You wouldn't have it any other way. Spencer can talk for hours about anything and nothing at the same time. But he loves to listen to you, to your voice as you tell him about your day or anything else, much more.

[aethesfaelibrarae]

Mouthwashing has given me a lot of brain worms and we've got thoughts—time to share them with the hungry void that is Tumblr. One of the last places I'm 90% certain my words won't show up stolen or regurgitated by machine.

Warning for spoilers about the game and rambling!

I believe that Mouthwashing is a modern-day Lolita. The storytelling is similar, in that, almost against their own better judgement and will, the audience finds themselves thinking like our unreliable narrator(s).

Most people.. Sorry, some people have cottoned on to the fact that Anya's personality is not that of a scared, timid and ultimately, useless nurse and she's been in fight or flight response for months now with no other choice but to fawn. As someone who has been in a similar situation for only one day a week for months, the fear only got worse, the longer I went without support. And the things that she does in the background.. No doubt similar to the way that Daisuke kept track of their food supply was brushed over and unsung.. So is the fact that Anya has been keeping a severe burn victim—with 4th degree burns so severe, any treatment we currently have is experimental and expensive.. If the pain does not kill you first—she's been keeping Curly alive for months with no help and incredibly minimal supplies. (I personally think that Anya probably was on the side of giving him an easier death or maybe even suggested a gentler way of giving him medicine—but (sterile) syringes in space? Limited water? An especially dismissive Swansea and go with the flow Daisuke?.. Easier to try and give Jimmy what he wants.)

But. I believe that people overlook the ways in which Catastrophe Jim's perspective on Curly twists our own. Pre-Crash Curly exists upon a pedestal—a good man, better than Jimmy could ever hope to be; a good, well-liked captain. Well-off, better looking (I say this because of the similarities in how Jimmy mentally views himself in similar shape and age as Curly) and still reaching for more. For better. People catch the underlying jealous and resentment for the life that Jimmy wants at all cost but.. They miss the pedestal. The miss the fact that if Jimmy says that Curly's better than he is, a good and better Captain.. That means that Curly is doing the bare fucking minimum: keeping them all alive year after year. Curly is a nice captain with the capacity to soothe over minor issues and keep a cool head and keep the crew on schedule.. But he is not a good one. He's not even a good person. Not really. Jimmy thinks of him as a good person, puts him on this pedestal that he's foaming at the mouth with excitement to pull him off of. Dirty the golden boy and spit on his silver-threaded bootstraps once and for all.

Except.. What evidence do we have that Curly is especially liked or respected? Where is this cheering crew? Where is Curly good?

Curly is a human, at the end of the day.

And.. Which comes to my more complicated and no doubt contriversal take... Curly is also a victim of Jimmy stuck in fawn response. This doesn't absolve him of the ways in which he failed the crew but Anya especially by letting Jimmy run amok and failing to take any action while he still had the chance. He stood by when Anya begins to hint at something beneath the shiny veneer of a happy tight-knit crew and most damningly, he stood by as Jimothy entered the cockpit immediately after suggesting a plan to kill everyone aboard.

I genuinely.. Genuinely.. Don't know what he thought would happen.

But he does take action.. And his last action is what makes he and Anya swap places. Except.. Not truly.

Yes, they are in similar situations—vulnerable to the whims of a psychotic madman with an inferiority complex and their plight largely ignored by the crew; a necessary sacrifice to keep the peace.. Just until safe harbor—but where Anya begins to gain autonomy and some relief from Jimmy no longer having a need for her.. Curly finds himself the center of Jimmy's world.

And that is not a great place to be in.

Curly is systemically isolated (bad-mouthed to the crew over and over again, berated publicly, blamed for an awful accident that Jimmy caused) and his torture and abuse mirrors the continuous, silent medical, emotional and physical abuse that many disabled people face. And almost in a worse way, his voice is stolen from him and used in such insidious inspiration porn.. A lot of people think that he actually said those things.

But we won't know. And if he did say these things.. Why does Jimmy only seem to (mis)understand them in the final acts? Recalling them in Curly's voice but not as the Captain but as a savior, his last charitable act to wipe the ledger of blood clean.

Jimmy doesn't want to see Curly better. He likes feeling useful. He enjoys having Curly watch him and in the same breath, he loathes it. He wants Curly's judgement. He wants Curly's praise. He wants.. Everything that makes Curly Curly.

Curly as a silent observer isn't remarked on often.. Nor is the fact that more than likely, the others heard Curly's sobs of pain from the medbay. But Curly is very conscious, very aware and very alone in his thoughts.

There's a point in which the perspective changes during Swansea's mercy killing—a gift that no one offers Curly—and once again, Curly is stuck watching all of his mistakes play out, one after the other. Unable to do anything but laugh.

But is it a laugh or a sob? Jimmy doesn't care and neither does the player—what's important is the objective: the gun. 739. Click. He steps over Anya's body like it's not even there and runs away.

We don't find out what set Swansea off—maybe Jimmy couldn't help himself and said something about Daisuke or Anya that blamed them. Maybe it was something else. Curly watches on. Helplessly.

There's something to be said about the black screens and the static that occurs when Jimmy hurts Curly or kills Swansea—like he's cutting the memory off before the guilt can get to him. And it's the same thing I'd like to bring up about Curly's voice. Yes, it takes a lot to speak without lips.. Or from what it looks like a tongue.. But there are more noises Curly can make. Noises that can refute Jimmy.

And in the same way that he's at the precipice of something so terrifying he keeps returning to the same spot that's slowly killing him, he's learned that fighting is useless.

It's 2 months after the crash when see Jimmy's perspective again, after all. And while Anya's requests for help seem to be new.. Who's to say that the beatings are?

The worse type of abuse is the type that leaves no bruises. After all, Curly cries all the time in pain.. What's the difference here?

To cycle back to my original point in this.. I don't see a lot of people consider Post-Crash Curly's living hell as another facet of Jimmy's abuse going unchecked by the people around him as anything other than comeuppance. As Karma. And it's the coldest take I've seen from the fandom so far. Allow me to reheat it up for you: disability so severe that you must rely on others is not divine punishment. It's not just desserts. Just as disabled people are your infantilazed, idealized, inspirational iron woobie that can take pain and push through it.. They are also not being punished by the divine. They are humans and sometimes shit just happens and it sucks.

The way that Jimmy views Post-Crash Curly as a saving prop.. Proof that he can indeed fix it.. is so normalized that as the audience, it can be something that you aim to achieve–one of the earliest and easiest achievements you can get is opening and closing Curly's mouth like a mannequin.

There's a relief that we share when Curly shuts up. There's a shutdown in empathy when Jimmy brutalizes him. Up until we can no longer look away.

Because Jimmy can no longer look away. And that is the chilling part of all this. Jimmy gets away with it—all of it—because of the crew's inability to overcome their own apathetic acceptance of the monster in their midst.

Just like most people accept the main character from Lolita as a gentleman, the crew accepts Jimmy as a guy. A little rough and short-tempered but what do you expect from blue collar work? Hold your nose, it'll be over in a year. In 8 months. In 10. Soon. It'll be over soon.

I can't help but worry if Jimmy weren't so bad at being likable and if he were even a smidgen of the charismatic mastermind, he so clearly wants to be..

We'd have another Valentino on our hands.

Mouthwashing is a horror that I can't help but devour. FEAST, indeed.

[lunememes]

🌙 * ― 𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐓 ( a collection of sentence starters from season one of amazon's fallout show. feel free to adjust the wording and pronouns as needed! do not add to the list. )

❛  and in that respect, he could be a cannibal or just like, crammed full of tumours. ❜ ❛  flesh is weak but steel endures. ❜ ❛  unless you know what to find and preserve, you're more useful as a corpse. ❜ ❛  how do we know they're not feral? ❜ ❛  well what makes you think i give a good goddamn about that? ❜ ❛  well what the fuck would you know 'bout where i'm from? ❜ ❛  but for me, well, i do this shit for the love of the game. ❜ ❛  you come from a place of rules, of laws. this place is indifferent to all of that. ❜ ❛  question is, will you still want the same things when you have become a different animal altogether? ❜ ❛  you earn the suit through acts of bravery. this is an act of bravery. ❜ ❛  and i'm telling you you're gonna go through a whole lot worse if you stay 'round here. trust me. ❜ ❛  clean hair. nice teeth. and all ten fingers. must be nice. ❜ ❛  the vaults were nothing more than a hole in the ground for rich folks to hide in while the rest of the world burned. ❜ ❛  you know your kind ain't welcome here. ❜ ❛  you gotta be fucking kidding me. ❜ ❛  you'll be lucky if you can make it to fucking breakfast. ❜ ❛  i'm sorry for yellin', been shot in the leg. ❜ ❛  do you have anyone else you can trust in this town? ❜ ❛  do i really have to kill him? ❜ ❛  well, if you like the taste of lavender, why not just drink a bottle of perfume? ❜ ❛  that's the worst thing i've ever put in my mouth. that's horrible. ❜ ❛  do unto others as you would have done unto you. ❜ ❛  thou shalt get sidetracked by bullshit every goddamn time. ❜ ❛  water water everywhere, and not a drop to drink. ❜ ❛  where do you think you're going? you ain't going nowhere. ❜ ❛  there you are, you little killer. ❜ ❛  no! what a disgusting idea. i'm simply going to harvest your organs. ❜ ❛  i may end up looking like you, but i'll never be like you. ❜ ❛  i really wanna believe you but practically every person i've met up here has tried to kill me. ❜ ❛  listen, hey. you don't get this medicine, you're gonna pass out, okay? and if you lose consciousness, we're both gonna die. ❜ ❛  i've seen these in old engineering manuals but never in real life. ❜ ❛  now, seeing as everyone on earth seems to be after that thing, i'm guessing that's what you're looking for too? ❜ ❛  and you could've killed me when i collapsed back there and you didn't. ❜ ❛  i get that trust doesn't come easily up here. but you can trust me. ❜ ❛  i hate it up here. ❜ ❛  the things i'm willing to do for you never cease to amaze me. ❜ ❛  hey, hey, hey. come here. i'm sorry. i know you always try to do the right thing. that's what i love about you. ❜ ❛  trust doesn't come easily to those of us with a guilty conscience. ❜ ❛  in my experience, the apple tends not to fall too far from the tree. is that true in your case? ❜ ❛  these people are hiding something from us, and i'm gonna prove it to you, okay? ❜ ❛  there's always some new little faction, ain't there? brand new team of believers with their own dumbass ideas about how they gonna save the world. ❜ ❛  so what d'you think [name]? am i really walking out of here today, or are you gonna try and draw on me for what i did? ❜ ❛  a good bad guy doesn't see themselves as the bad guy. ❜ ❛  and yet power is taken, not given. a lesson you seem to have learned. ❜ ❛  war never changes. ❜ ❛  you look out at this wasteland, looks like chaos. but there's always somebody behind the wheel. and that's who i wanna talk to. ❜ ❛  maybe you can stop them. maybe you can't. maybe all you can do is try. ❜

[sthnearlyheadless]

Sofia

Jenna Ortega x Fem!Reader y'all i'm lazy. i don't fell like making a summary. and as always, i didn't proofread, if there's any mistakes, i apologize. Warnings: nothing but kisses and mentions of fights, i think

"I can’t believe you”

“What, you can’t believe me? Are you fucking serious, Jenna?” You responded watching the small women taking off her expensive shoes angrily. Jenna’s eyes glaring at you, almost throwing knives at you.

“I was having fun, Y/N. Why do you had to make such a scene? I though I was the actress here, but you deserved an Oscar for that, I have to admit”

You followed her to the kitchen as soon as you finished locking the front door of the house that you both shared.

“I can’t believe you’re seriously pissed at me for protecting you. What the hell is your problem, man? That douchebag was trying to touch you! You wanted me to sit there and just watch it?!”

“Don’t yell at me, Y/N!” Jenna pointed at you and you took a step back immediately as she took one forward. You see, you guys height difference was very noticeable, but Jenna’s anger was something that always scared you a little. You never wanted push your luck with the Latina woman so much. Even though you knew each other basically your entire life since you are childhood friends that recently started to live together, you never saw this look on her eyes before.

“I could’ve handled myself just fine. It was an event, Y/N. There was cameras everywhere! You didn’t have to punch him in the face and start a fucking fight!”

Well, thinking for this side… Jenna’s was kind of right. But you couldn’t help yourself when you noticed that she was uncomfortable and had - a lot of times - told that stupid guy to leave her alone and he obviously didn’t listen and worse, tried to force her to go to somewhere, you lost all your reasoning.

“And look at your face. It’s all bruised up” she continued resting the glass of water on the sink and looking at you. You looked away, ashed. You realized now that you might have caused problems to her. You know, the fight was recorded for sure, and people will definitely talk about this on the Internet. You never wanted to harm Jenna in any kind of way, but you might have now. You just wanted to protect the girl you loved… and not only in a friendly way. You’ve noticed your feelings for Jenna when you guys were about 18. You were 21 now. Since then you had dated some other girls for a while and watched her date some other people too, but your heart was and still is entirely hers… even though she never noticed and you don’t have the guts to say it.

You probably never will.

“You should see the other guy” you said in a low voice, still not looking at you.

It was Jenna’s turn to let out a tired sigh. She decided to walk towards you again, not in a menacing posture anymore. She didn’t wanna fight anymore. The discussion all the way back home and now was tiring enough, that and the fact that she didn’t stop get worried for you. Not in one single second.

And now that the bruises were more noticeable, she worried more. Her anger quickly slowing down.

“Sit there. I’m gonna take care of this” she pointed at the couch.

“Jenna, you don’t have to that. I’m fine and…”

“Don’t argue with me, Y/N. I’m tired. Just do it, okay?” she let out a sigh looking deep in your eyes. Like always, you couldn’t deny her.

You sat down on the couch like Jenna said so and waited. Playing with your fingers thinking about how stupid you were. You let Jenna down, you probably caused trouble on her career and if you ever dreamed on having a chance with her, you could totally forget about it now. She would never see you in a different way. You always going to be the trouble girl that Jenna had to step in to not get in more trouble.

“This is gonna sting a little” she announced as she already had put the medicine on the cotton and put the first aid kit on the floor. She sat really close to you and started to rub the cotton on the bruised parts. You watched her face so close to yours as her intense brown eyes looking carefully at your face.

“Ouch! Jenna, easy!” you tried to back off, only to Jenna grab your jaw. Not in a rush way, but strong enough to keep you still. “Geez, Jen, c’mon!” you cried out.

“Stop being a baby. You should’ve thought about before getting into a fight. Again”

You grimaced before answering:

“I don’t mind being hurt, Jenna. As long as defending you”

Jenna sighed. For the hundredth time. She did that a lot when she was mad. She finally stopped applying medicine on your bruises and you thanked all the gods you knew for that. Although the look on her face scared you, you didn’t know what to think. You knew Jenna your entire life, but even for you was hard to read her face. Her perfect and beautiful features.

“You’re never gonna change, are you, Y/N?”

“If by that you mean protecting you, no, I’m not”

“Even if you get hurt like that?” she pointed at your face and hands. “You’re crazy, Y/N”

“I told I don’t care! What can’t you get that?”

“I can’t understand why you always get in the middle of something that involves me!” she stood up, starting to raise her voice as well. “I mean I know that you’re my best friend, but act like…”

“Like what?” you pushed, speaking low, but standing up too.

“Like… like your jealous” she said at last. Like she was unsure of what she just said out loud. Even though she was sensing it for a little while, she, just like you, didn’t say things out loud sometimes. You were alike in this way.

“Say something, Y/N” Jenna crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“What you want me to say, Jenna?” you looked at the floor.

“Anything, Y/N! Anything!” you looked at her again with this burst of her. “What’s really going on with you? You know you can tell me anything”

“I love you”

“Um… Y/N, I-I love you too, you know that… but what this…”

“No. Not like that!” You stepped back and sat defeated sat on the couch, looking up to the small woman who looked puzzled by you right now.

“I don’t just love you in a friendly way. My feelings for changed since I was 18. I can tell it’s love because it didn’t fade nor has diminished. I never felt this for anyone in my life, Jenna, I love every single detail about you and everything you do. I love how you’re passionate about the things you love, your career, your family. How dedicate you are… I love you”

Jenna didn’t say anything. She was… totally mute. And that was scared you the most. You could’ve expected her to say anything, literally anything, Jenna always have something to say. But now, now that you finally have spilled your true feelings locked inside you for so many years… you have silence as response.

And Jenna looking blankly back at you.

“I know you don’t feel the same, I-I… don’t worry. I’m gonna crush at someone’s house tonight. After that I can come and get my stuff” You said, trying your best to hold back your tears. “We don’t have to stay in this awkwardness between us and…”

“Shut up”

“What?”

“Just…” Jenna took a step in front of you and grabbed your face carefully and softly to not hurt you and then she closed the gap between your faces.

You did not think, you couldn’t. Her soft lips were magical, and you couldn’t think of anything anymore. The lips that were only in our imagination, tasted even better that your head could possibly project.

Her tongue asked for space inside your mouth and you more than happy allowed her dominance on the kiss. Your hands, a little bit shamefully, rested on her hips. You both moaning tasting each other.

When the air was really necessary, Jenna pulled away and rested her forehead on your. Your eyes were still closed and you looked like a pure bliss as you still hold her. Jenna smiled chuckled softly looking at your face, her soft dimples showing a bit as you guys were so close now.

“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Jenna caressed the baby hair on the back of your neck.

“I know. You keep saying that since we were kids”

Jenna laughed and you finally open your eyes.

“But I mean it, Jenna. I really love you”

“Why you never said anything?”

“I was scared”

“Of me?”

“Of you hating me… I don’t know, okay! This stuff is complicated, alright?”

Jenna chuckled and shook her head looking at you.

“I love that fact that you just said one of the most beautiful I’ve ever heard and you can’t explain how chicken you were”

“Hey!”

“It’s okay. I love you the you are anyways”

“You… what? You l-love or you’re just saying this because…”

“I told you to shut up, didn’t I?” Jenna kissed you once again. “It’s okay that you had chickend out. I loved you too since I was 15”

[thewistlingbadger]

I'm genuinely so sick of the silco hate. Yes he's a bad guy. Yes he's committed very serious crimes and is a violent person and a murder. Those are all very valid reasons to dislike a fictional character. But there are just some things people like to shit on silco for that truly aren't his fault.

Imagine if YOU were a single dad to a mentally ill teenager and at the same we're trying to manage a business, gain independence for your country, AND deal with other bullshit nonsensical problems. I'd be pissed too, I'd be stressed the fuck out too. People can't seem to push past the bad and see the truth; because all of this shit IS NOT hidden in the show it's at the forefront. Silco has a lot of shit on his plate and he has to deal with everything at the same fucking time ALONE. This guy's life is hell on the average day but during arcane? Nah my man was fighting for his life literally and figuratively.

Jinx's entire behavior can NOT be blamed on silco it genuinely cannot and it's silly to even think such a thing. I'm so sick of people trying to make him the scapegoat when it comes to her situation. "He didn't try to heal her" in the city where we know that canonically, there are no doctors? Tell me, oh wise one, where the hell silco, of all men, was going to find a therapist for his daughter and medicine for her psychosis? Like BITCH PLEASE! PLEASE! That's ridiculous.

Silco himself IS MENTALLY ILL, OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO TRY TO GIVE HER THE SAME SHITTY COPING SKILLS HE USES FOR HIMSELF! AND GENUINELY, IS HE WRONG FOR THAT? I don't believe so.

"oh he's the reason jinx was tortured-" you mean when silco held his DYING daughter in his arms and tried to save her? When he, at his old fucking age, ran all the way from the bridge to singed SINGLEHANDEDLY to get her the ONLY MEDICAL ATTENTION the undercity has? Did you truly forget that singed knocks silco out during this scene. If so, rest assured, because has silco been MENTALLY PRESENT in that scene, he would have never allowed that shit to happen. The moment he wakes up and sees that she's fucking gone and the table is bloody, he IMMEDIATELY threatens singed and asks what the fuck he did. Don't put that shit on him he had no idea.

Yes this man is a piece of shit but he's a man none the less can we cut him a fucking break PLEASE!

[jazeswhbhaven]

A Christmas beneath Heaven | React | Days: 4 & 5

Okay, so it made sense to do a 3-day and then the others a two day react per post. (I just hope my masterlist doesn't end up too many links for the reacts lol)

SOOO we left off with learning that MC has the Christmas Cold which causes them to be overly horny due to them holding back their desires and being in Hell as a human. We also know that Solomon had it and a devil cured him of it before. It also appears that Bael found the devil that knows of the cure!

But uh.....you see

The devil is an old like really old woman. We're talking like imagine gran gran is in her 80s-90s old in human standard where she talks r e a l s l o w.

And it turns out, not only are our boys seemingly impatient (Beelzebub especially like he's nearly pulling his clothes off out of waiting on her answering how to heal MC), they also seem to be judging her physical appearance very harshly.

Which doesn't make a whole lotta sense to me because aren't they old asf? I guess they haven't reached that point where they have wrinkles or grays or maybe they don't have that ability to age physically because they ARE kings after all.

Anyways, gran gran is trying her best to explain, but no one is having it so Ppyong is here to try and help.

I also noticed twice during these days that Asmodeus was calling her "mature" in a flirty way, because he pretty much flirts with anyone and gran gran is on his list.

Ppyong finally gets some kind of headway with her, and it turns out...her clan just has a condition where they age very quickly. She later includes that not only does her clan age in appearance quickly they don't live as long.

Knowing this information though, uh...doesn't help the matter because Belphegor of all devils starts laughing it up that she looks like that and he's imagining everyone looking so old like that at "young" ages. Though, Beleth has to smack some sense into him because when she mentions dying early Belphie is still laughing about it. SAFE TO SAY THAT BELPHIE HAS THAT KINDA HUMOR YA'LL AND HES STILL MY BBY ITS OKAY.

Asmodeus does his flirty thing, gran gran agrees to meet with him after the meeting, and well Satan blows the fuck up cause he's really just trying to get to the point and it's pissing him off that Asmo is just trying to stick his dick in someone once again.

Ppyong does say that she is aware of the cure, that it's located in "Middle Realm" where fallen angels refuse to believe they are in Hell and are waiting to return as confirmed by Beleth. Belphie asks why Beleth didn't just stay there and he says he doesn't remember (though I'm pretty sure he does to a certain extent and I have this theory that fallen angels have the ability to lie btw, a trait that stays with them from being an angel)

And it seems that the angel they are looking for that knows exactly of this cure is Achazriel, the one who fell before Lucifer, the OG first fallen angel that was forced out of heaven. So naturally, he would have that kind of ability.

Solomon also got the medicine from this area, meaning the Middle Realm has been in existence for quite some time and that would make sense.

Meeting is adjourned with this info and everyone seems to split off (even Asmo and gran gran 👀👀) leaving Beel, Bael, Beleth and Belphie who took his ass back to sleep lol

Bael tries to see if Beel wants to do the same thing, to which no he doesn't. Beleth tells him not to worry about it and he already clocked that the other devils seperated themselves for a reason. Bael concludes it's because they're trying to win MC's favor by curing them first.

Beel knows the real deal. On Christmas day....MC is at their peak meaning that's when they are MOST unhinged in their desires and that's the best time to strike. Everyone is basically waiting until MC is pretty much so horny they can't even think straight, take advantage of that moment and then cure them.

"Waiting until the fruit is ripe" as Beel puts it.

Now....tbh that's such a devil thing to do and I don't even think I can be mad about that considering they want to experience that for themselves. But something tells me that none of the kings are going to experience that....moment with MC.

SCREENCAP TIME

This part was sending me, Bael is fucking tired but he would rather not use Asmo's lap because he knows that the fuck that means (his boner would be pokin' him)

Okay ya'll rude asf, leave her a looonnneeeeeeeeeeeee

Asmo called her mature in appearance probably in a horny way and Bael was like

Beel was so impatient he was being this dramatic. Gotta love a drama queen. but dats my boo.

Belphie. pls babes. Just go back to sleep.

LOL. He hates Beel, can't stand him apparently but is willing to take one of his nobles for himself. You ain't slick Levi...(you just want your bestie and you to share it's okay)

Bael is always so tired of his shit lmao, I just wanna run him a hot bath and give him a massage like, let's melt all that stress away...

Belphie....again babes just go back to sleep.

Asmo being like-

him @ Asmo rn

Sorry ya'll but this description of his voice....fine asf I swear like bring all of that over to me now

Proof of why I think fallen angels have the ability to lie ^^^^^^

This is hot of him idk let's boil our enemies in gold

titty cameo

Thanks Ppyong kicks him into a wall 'playfully'

The fact that he can see that far is wild but he also can probably smell them too. Everything about him is....just him.

And there ya go~ the next two days for part one will probably be them going to the Middle Realm. LETS PAUSE FOR THEORY TIME

I honestly think how this "trying to bang MC when the cold is at it's peak" won't happen. With normally how these events go they will attempt but something hilariously funny will happen where MC just sweats it out and they don't need the medicine after all or "someone else" got to them first and it's pretty much none of them. Lol

Let's see what the results bring hm???

[be-missed]

Find You Again (Chap 2)

Jenna Ortega X Fem!Reader

(pictures not mine)

Summary: Reuniting as stars, former high school sweethearts stage a fake relationship to boost their public image. Navigating the scripted romance, sparks fly. The big question: can this staged connection reignite their real love?

Warning: curse words, notify me if there are any. Credits to the owner for the picture that I used below the cut. There's a lot of time cut, just because.

A/N: I'm so excited to write this, enjoy. New series for y'all.

Song: South of the Border- Ed Sheeran (Feat Camilla Cabello and Cardi B)

That white dress (you can also see this in Enrique's Instagram)

Masterlist

Chap 2

______________________________________________________________

"What the fuck?" Y/N screamed inside her hotel room when she woke up "I didn't even went home with her, I... I went home with... I don't know what the fuck?" Y/N added clutching her head that's aching. Her publicist enters and said "That's what you get for trashing one of the paparazzi... But he deserve it anyway." Emilia gave the medicine to Y/N and added "Well, going home with Jenna is a much better headline than you assaulting a paps, right?" with a smirk on her face waiting for Y/N's reaction.

Y/N's eye widen with what Emilia said and replied "Hell no, the both of them aren't good for me, they need to be taken down, or like tell the media that I'm with some dude" finding her phone and trying to search a man in her contacts. With a disgusted look earned from her publicist, Emilia said "You would rather be linked with a man?"

Y/N gave Emilia a look that says "I would rather not be involved with anyone." With a smile, Emilia said "There's nothing we can do about it, even if we try to pay the media, we cannot pay the people in the internet, we're gonna be broke" and chuckled.

Y/N was lost with what Emilia said, "What do you mean by that?" Emilia replied "Well, you and Jenna are trending since yesterday up until..." and fished her phone up, opened her twitter and shows Y/N the top trending worldwide "now. Wow, the both of you are still trending."

"Fuck, this can't be, I'm gonna release an album in the next few months." Y/N said trying to pace around the room "Okay, then it's gonna be a good publicity for you" Emilia said that made Y/N stop in her tracks and looked at Emilia "No, it will not be a good publicity. I don't want my songs to be incorporated to that girl."

Emilia gave Y/N a questioning look "Who's 'that girl'?" with a teasing tone and Y/N replied "You know who Emilia..." and Emilia still continues to act clueless. "Jenna Ortega, of course" Y/N said and rolled her eyes.

"As your publicist, I don't see any problem with that. She has a good reputation, no bad issues, and her career is thriving" Emilia stated facts as Y/N tries not to listen because she knows that Emilia is right "Why are you even mad about the issue?" Emilia teased Y/N.

With a heavy sigh, Y/N walks to the bathroom and yells "YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHY EMILIA" and slams the door.

As Y/N was trying to rinse her face hoping her headache will be passed through the water that damps her face, she can't still believe that people will push the her and Jenna together.

On the other side of New York City, Jenna was staring at the wall of her hotel room while chewing her lower lip trying to think how can she get out of this mess.

"Are you okay? What's the matter?" Jenna's publicist asked her while she checks the news outlets and every social media. Jenna stays silent trying to think, until she blurted out "How about a PR Stunt?" She hates the idea of it, being in a fake relationship with someone that she really doesn't care about. "We can have a fake PR Stunt so that the rumors with that singer will stop, once and for all." Jenna suggested.

Wendy, her publicist looked at her and said "You don't need no PR Stunt with anyone, you're career is going well and you have no bad blood with anyone and we're not gonna start that now. She and her team aren't giving statements about it too, so let the rumors be rumors. Not if you want to prove them right, and that's the only thing that you will do if we release a statement and they still keep on seeing you two together." With an annoyed look, Jenna then answered "I just don't want to be linked with that woman, please." She pouted and looked at Wendy, trying to make her idea work.

"No, no stunts will be done and no statements will be released. This rumor is good for the both of you can't you see? The both of your careers are striving so well, her fans are supporting you and vice versa. The public sees you both as a good pair, so why not use Y/N as a stepping stone." Wendy said stating a good point that Jenna herself can't see a hole to poke in. Jenna hates it that Wendy is always right.

With a huff Jenna replied "Ugh, fine, but it will stay as rumors" and went to the bed and plop herself trying to gain more sleep.

---

Weeks after the said rumors have spread, both the singer and the actress went on the low since they didn't want to be seen together. Each of them kept on working privately for their own careers. Y/N doing some major to minor revisions for her album release in the next few months, while Jenna does some photoshoots and guesting in YouTube.

After the MET Gala in May, the both of them were thankful since they haven't seen each other in person. But surely, the rumors from their fans can't die as they sure did have a lot of photos and videos to talk about from the MET and those old photos of the both of them resurfacing from god knows where.

Y/N received a lot of incoming projects just like working for a song that will be played on a movie this coming December, she accepted the work, just for the fact that she will be writing a song; she just loves to write one, okay. Her agent would have explained for what movie it is, but Y/N just asked about how did the love story goes and then started to write one.

As for Jenna, September has been a chill month for her, a few fittings here and there for the Paris Fashion Week next month that she will attend and will be dresses in Dior. She spent her birthday with her family and closest friends. Trying to be more private and be less seen in public to not cause any disturbances in her life.

---

As September flew by with a bat of an eye, October has come with such a busy time for Y/N as she released her new album, every track has become a hit and has settled into the Top 10 songs of Billboard, her albums also sold millions and her songs are played in every radio station, which just means that Jenna, even if she doesn't want to, listened to songs that Y/N released.

Inside the car driving in the roads of Paris, Jenna was seated and a radio blasted a song...

She got the, mmm, brown eyes, caramel thighs

Long hair, no wedding ring, hey.

"EVEN IN PARIS?" Jenna exclaimed, she just arrived from her flight and she can't believe that Y/N is still haunting her. "What? It is a bop. Y/N, Camila, and Cardi did great with the song, you know..." Enrique teased her.

I saw you lookin' from across the way

And now I really wanna know your name

"Why would she even write a song like that?" Jenna tried to argue with Enrique, and her stylist just smiled and said "I mean, she just stated that she wants a woman with brown eyes, caramel thighs, long hair, is single, wears a white dress, and probably a Latina. You know I know someone with the same characteristics" Enrique ended with a teasing smile and a knowing look. "Fuck no" Jenna answered Enrique, trying not to barf herself out with that thought. Why would Y/N wrote a song about her.

She got the, mmm, white dress, but when she's wearin' less

Man, you know that she drives me crazy

"You did wore a white dress, you have brown eyes, hmm you had your hair long, you have beautiful thighs, you are Latina, and I'm pretty sure you're not married" Enrique pushed his luck trying to really into Jenna's nerve. "When did I wore a white dress? Huh?" Jenna tried to challenge Enrique, but as her stylist, of course he knows when did Jenna wore a white dress and answered "You remember that film interview with Melissa, that white dress from Zuhair Murad..." Jenna now remembers, and thought "Oh fucking shit, hell to the fucking no"

Enrique internally laughed at Jenna's reaction while Jenna pulled out her headphones, wore it and opened her phone, as she open her Spotify, she clicks the shuffle play to a playlist. Enrique smiled at what Jenna did, but in all honesty, even if Jenna hides it, Enrique can see that Jenna did enjoy Y/N's songs and even muttered lyrics of it, but only stopped when she noticed herself that she is singing her ex's songs.

In a hotel room in Paris Y/N exclaimed "WAIT, I'M ATTENDING DIOR? Am I not signed in another brand or something?" and Emilia just shrugged "No hun, you will go to Dior, you will meet big names there that will again boost your music and your status, so yes, Dior."

With a loud grunt Y/N started to pace around, which is a thing that she do when she tries to think of a way out for something that Emilia put her into. "Okay, please tell me that Jisoo will attend this show" Y/N says with her eyes closed and fingers crossed, Emilia just stared at her and answered her with a "Yes".

Just as Emilia thought, Y/N is a fan, and going to concert of Jisoo's group will be hard so this is a gift for Y/N and can also be a meeting place for new deals that Y/N needs to attract more people for her art and to gain more attention. But what Emilia didn't say is that Jenna will also be attending the Dior Fashion show. Even though Emilia knows about Jenna and Y/N's past, she can't let the rumor about the two die, since Y/N benefits a lot, she also knew that Jenna is benefiting by the fact that her publicist and her management is not releasing any statement, despite the allegations of Jenna dating Y/N and vice versa.

---

A large crowd has gathered, voices can be heard even from a mile away with how many people have gathered just to see the ladies and gents that Dior has invited.

Jenna with her black dress arrived, strutting down the big area that has been surrounded with people, waving and smiling to every people that calls her name. Walking inside the venue, she gets to meet a lot of people, from businessman, to artist, singers, and models.

A crowd has gathered in the middle of the room and she heard a voice coming from her publicist, "Okay, I don't know if you know her, but Jisoo is a global ambassador of Dior and she is in a group called Blackpink, go make friends." And with that, Jenna started to strut her way to a crowd of people and photographers, with her current status, of course people around her would know who she is, and without a doubt Jisoo and her are asked for a picture together.

On the other side of the venue, Y/N has been doing everything that she can just to meet Jisoo, but to no avail, she is stuck with old business man that has been eating her precious time, talking about old stuff that she really doesn't know. And in every French that will speak to her, she will just answer "oui" because who the fuck understands French? Not me, Y/N thinks.

But of course, the venue isn't as big as the USA or even Paris, so of course Y/N heard whispers that Jenna Ortega is also in the same vicinity as hers, but why would she believe something that she can't even see. Y/N thinks that if Jenna is really in the same place as hers, they would probably meet each other by now.

"You need to take your seat now, the show will start" She can hear Emilia's voice behind her and with a heavy heart, she decided to seat and hopes to meet JIsoo later.

Trying to get comfortable with her seat, a group of men started to walk her way and Y/N thinks "Who the fuck gets guarded like that on a fucking fashion show?" and when the men started to disperse, a lady wearing a high heel that is dressed in long black flowy skirt, a black see-through top, and a jacket with a long white jewelry hanging from her neck; Y/N's eyes travels upward and see's a terrified look on the other person's face.

Y/N's own face contorted with disgust, her fist clench on its own and when a curse word tries to get out of her mouth, a pinch to her side coming from Emilia broke her and said "Act nice." Wide eyed with a tight lipped smile greets the other person that is also trying to contain her emotions because...

"WHAT THE FUCK IS Y/N DOING IN HERE?"

Exactly, that was Jenna's thought when the body guards in front of her started to go to their post and give her her space and lead her to her seat. Her eyes widen, feeling that her blood suddenly is pushing upwards, feeling a little bit dizzy with how much her heart is pumping her blood from the anger that she feels from the inside. Her eyes suddenly moves to the side and looks at her publicist, jut like how her character Wednesday stare at people. Her publicist then whispered to her "Be good, now."

The both of them are now staring at each other, bewildered on how the fuck did they ended up seating next to each other on a Paris Fashion Week, knowing so damn well that there are hundreds of brand that's doing the same thing that they are doing right now.

With forced smiles and a toned down anger, Jenna seats beside Y/N, creating a big space between them that could accommodate another person if they wanted to. The two women, seating side-by-side, thinking of ways on how can they seat through the whole show without murdering each other or just to try to not cause a scene. Jenna did not brought enough patience for this show, if she only knew that Y/N will be here, then she would probably brought a lot of extra patience with her. As for the other girl, if Y/N would have known that Jenna would be here, she would've declined this offer immediately and just attend another show.

Without looking to her side Y/N whispers "what the fuck are you doing here?" Jenna trying not to look at Y/N has her ears ringing from anger with what she heard from the other woman and answered in a hushed tone "the fuck do you mean why am i here?" Y/N then turns her body towards Jenna and stated with a sassy tone "Why are you here? Are you trying to follow me?" This doesn't go unnoticed by Jenna "You're so full of yourself, I don't even know that you're in here you dumbass"

Before Y/N gets to speak, a photographer appeared and asked for a picture of them. With forced smiles, the two girls closed the gap between them and smiled brightly at the camera, acting like they weren't trying to slit each other's throat before he came in.

"Nice, another picture with you" Y/N said with a sarcastic tone, Jenna was trying to do some breathing exercise, praying that she wouldn't lose her cool because if things will just be on her way? She would've smacked Y/N right in the head with her purse. "Wow, who said I like being on one frame with you?" Jenna said with a tone full of disgust.

A cough from behind them ca be heard coming from both of their publicist, and they know so damn well how things will go if they continue to banter. So what they did was to be quiet, smile at the camera and the guests, and watch the fashion show unfold.

Half of the show have passed and Y/N wants to peel her ass from her seat, run to the nearest wall, and just smash her head. She can't stand another second of Jenna nodding at every model and hearing muttered words like how wonderful they are. Y/N moved over to Jenna and whispered "Don't act like you're interested, I know how much this things bore you." Jenna's hand travelled to Y/N's thigh and grips it, hard enough so that Y/N can feel Jenna's nails digging through the fabric of her dress "Shut up."

Y/N yelps and bites her lip to contain a surprised gasp that she just made, Y/N then lightly slaps Jenna's hand, "Don't you dare do that again, you're harassing me" Y/N said trying to threaten and Jenna gasped and pulls her hand away "I'm not harassing you!"

"Girls..." Emilia whispered from behind, with that, the two women sat quietly and tries to keep their hands from trying to pull each others hair. The scene that unfolded earlier where Y/N moved closer to Jenna wo whisper something and Jenna's hand on Y/N's thigh could tell a different story when you watch it from afar. That is why photographers tried to capture it, other guests also noticed the two being closer to each other.

While Y/N and Jenna watched the entire show quietly, both of their publicist seemed to arrived at a certain business deal that would greatly benefit the two stars that they are handling. But they know that this'll need more meetings and contract signings.

---

Dior Fashion show ended a few hours ago, Jenna was just chilling in the living room of her hotel trying to find a new movie to watch, but before she press play, her publicist messaged her that they need to have a dinner meeting to discuss future projects and this one is urgent. So what Jenna did was she got up and went to her dresser trying to find a semi-formal attire to wear and for her to somehow look decent.

In the lobby, there was Wendy, waiting for her with a bag on her hand and a cluster of paper on the other. "Sorry for the late notice, I just got this deal earlier" Wendy said trying to lead Jenna to the Hotel's Restaurant. While walking Jenna thought "Wait... why is my publicist making deals and not my manager?" And it made Jenna stop from walking and looked at Wende and asked "Does my manager know this so-called-deal?" and Wendy just answered "Of course, they're inside with the other party waiting for us" with a suspicious and eerie feeling, Jenna followed suit and walked towards the private room that Wendy entered.

A waiter opened the door on the other side and there was a big table with people who are seated and are talking, on the other side that faces her, she saw her manager, the other party which she guessed are facing their back to her. Wendy ushered Jenna to sit in the middle and while trying to look for the faces for the other party, Jenna feels like she knows the faces of these people. Starting from the right, analyzing her face, her hair, and the paper that is in front of her Jenna thought "Oh, probably she's the publicist" and when she moved from the so-called-publicist left, she sees a scowling face, eyebrows pushed together in the middle, lips are tight, and a rigid body posture, and Jenna thought "No fucking way" ready to run from where she is to the door, her arms were held down by Wendy and is trying to push her down to seat in front of none other than Y/N.

"What is this?" Jenna asked and Y/N "What do you think?" with a biting remark. The two of them holding a staring battle, trying to push each other's luck and trying to feel if the other one is gonna send them a punch or a slap. "Shut up, adults are talking" Jenna said with a smirk and Y/N answered "We are literally the same age, what are you talking about?" and before Y/N gets to add another remark Jenna cut her off and said "Oh yeah? Well the shut up, people who are mature enough gets to talk."

Y/N then stood up from her chair ready to pounce on Jenna when her manager hold her down and forced her to seat down and said "Calm down you two, we are not here to set you both to fight on a boxing ring in Vegas" and the other person in the room chuckles.

"Is this some kind of joke? What am I doing in here?" Y/N asked her manager and her publicist and Emilia answered her "Calm down first and we will explain, please girls." And Y/N tried to calm herself down staring at the wall.

Throughout the entire meeting, both of Y/N and Jenna's manager and their publicist explains how good it will be if the both of them will be in a public relationship. They explained that the media, the public, and their fans loved the two of them together, seeing how the rumor between the two of them isn't dying after months, how their status and fanbase got bigger, and how can this publicity attract more people to support the both of them.

"But I thought I'm gonna be okay without any public relationship?" Jenna said pertaining to what Wendy said and she answered "Well, it still is, but if you are in a relationship with Y/N everything will be better. It's gonna be a win-win situation for the both of us."

"I don't need this, I can do things on my own" Y/N said and her publicist explained "Yes, but it will be more better with a help you know" and that made Y/N furious "Okay, first of all I don't need her charity, I don't need anyone to boost my career. I am talented and that's what I'm gonna use." Then her manager butted in and said "Yes, we didn't mean it in that way Y/N and you know it. You're just gonna help each other out, be each other's stepping stone. When the contract finishes, there will be no bad blood and we will say that things just didn't work out because of schedule."

When Y/N's manager said that, both Y/N and Jenna looked at each other's eye, feeling like it did struck a nerve on the both of them, holding each other's stare for a second, the room went silent. Y/N then looked down at her lap after she caught Jenna stared at her, she plays with the end fabric of the table cloth. Jenna on the other and was just staring at Y/N, biting her lip, trying to say something but she can't eve formulate a word.

"Okay, I think we are done, we can continue this tomorrow, sounds like a plan?" Wendy said collecting the papers in front of her, the managers were standing up and trying to leave the room.

Y/N was still seating and looking down, Wendy and her manager knows so damn well that they need to leave Y/N alone when she went this silent. Jenna was also the same, still seating down in her seat, feeling like someone nailed her to where she is.

With a deep sigh, Y/N raised her eyes in front of her, where Jenna's eyes were awaiting. A lingering sense of familiarity can be felt in line with a feeling of deep longingness and hatred. The air was thick, both of them trying to read each other's mind. Y/N knows Jenna, she knows all of her, but not the one who is seating in front of her. On the other hand Jenna's waiting for Y/N to say something, because she knows Y/N so damn well, she knows her that well. Both of them feels like they were thrown back from where they were, contemplating and thinking on a restaurant.

Y/N and Jenna stared at each other for a second, Y/N's lips opened a few times, trying to say the words that runs through her mind, but failed after a few attempt. Jenna tries to calm her breathing because it seems like everything seems to fall on her shoulders, hitting her like a brick.

This wasn't what they imagined themselves after years of their break-up. They didn't imagine them seeing again, sitting on a restaurant, talking about their relationship. Everything that's happening brings ton of memories from the past that the both of them were trying to bury. So there they were, seated, facing each other, trying not to break down, and praying to whoever listens that this was just a joke, a prank, a dream, just not a reality that they need to face.

____________________________________________________

South of the Border Singer Y/F/N Y/L/N and Actress Jenna Ortega seen Dining together in the City of Love

Y/F/N Y/L/N and Jenna Ortega both attended the 2023 Dior Spring show together and both seated side-by-side, some photographers from the inside released pictures of them getting close to each other and seemingly enjoying each other's presence.

Just as we thought that it will end there, the two stars surprises us with them being together dining in a hotel where Jenna Ortega is currently staying. Sources from the inside told that they dine inside a private room. Both of the stars arrived and went away separately. But this doesn't stop us from getting a moment of them together.

This occurrence only ignites the rumor that Y/N's new songs from the album are all about Jenna. Both of the stars aren't releasing any statements and their agency are still silent about this issue.

Stay tuned for more of this brewing love story that us slowly unfolding in our eyes!

______________________________________________________________

A/N: HI, apologies for the long wait, I hope you like it. I'm open for your thoughts and comments. Thanks again for reading and waiting. Not proofread, so notify me if there are any mistakes.

Tag list:

@hy-uk-ai @ortegalvr @mirage018 @geed-3 @idkjustliving2 @aurora-starwars (sorry just tagged all of you)

[maximumkillshot]

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Warnings: There are a lot with this one and it hits close to home. Mentions of S/A. The R word is used, sobbing, anxiety and mental episode. mentions of self harm, mentions victim blaming and slut shaming. MDNI. There is fluff spattered around.

Pairing: BangChanxReader

Characters: Bang Chan, Reader, mention of the person who S/A, people Slut Shaming and Victim Blaming. 

A/N:  Okay so this one is heavy. The things you are about to read have happened to me. I had a mental episode a while back. I wrote most of this during said episode. This is what I think Chan would do for his S/O if they went through and go through what I did. This blog has always been a safe space. I use my fictions to entertain as well as a platform to have safe conversations. If you need me as always I will hang around after drop.

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“YN?” Your husband called out to you. You couldn't hear him from the pressure of today. It created a seething pool of frustration and anger as you kneeled at the foot of the bed, wanting to pray, but now that you think about it the pain of being on the floor was a sweet torture in and of itself. 

Usually, anger like this wouldn't be a problem for you. You would go down to the basement and punch granite with your poorly taped hands, yes you were only a kid then, not knowing how else to get the anger out only stopping when you'd hear a crunch. Yes, that was the start of negative coping mechanisms, and yes you are trying to either bury that anger or let it consume you fast before Chris gets home. He's dealt with enough, we don't need to add on to it.  

Now you're no longer a child… as a matter of fact, you are now an adult, an adult with a hairpin trigger vaguely yet expertly disguised as comedic sarcasm. Depression that you don't remember not having… maybe when you were 8? You weren't sure. Not to mention a cast made of a myriad of physical and mental health issues…. Disabilities… and the cast of characters just keep growing! You have the medicine and the “coping techniques”, they called it, for success! Even those fail. 

Trying to talk it out just made you more angry, the injustice looking more and more ludicrous by the second. Okay, let's try breathing. Yeah no. That didn't work either, it just gave your brain more oxygen, so your brain went from quantum computer speed to Sonic the fucking Hedgehog. Oh… ok oh oh! Let's try soundboarding. You know, talk to people, not yourself. That ended in yet another game of useless catch phrases like “calm down” and “you shouldn't be thinking of that.” 

TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T FUCKING KNOW THANK YOU! Oh, and I almost forgot the “Your method of thought isn't changing because you don't want to change '' DO YOU THINK I AM POKED ALL DAY AND SAY TO MYSELF…

‘OH I WANT TO FEEL MORE LIKE SHIT… I KNOW LET ME RUN MY FACE INTO A BRICK WALL OF ANXIETY REPEATEDLY UNTIL I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF ANYMORE.’

You reverted to hurting the people around you due to your anger and frustration, plus you darkened the mood, you've always been a multitasker. My friends were right. I'm depressing, I was only kept around because of my ex. That was before they kicked me out… because they didn't want to believe he assaulted me. You go back to that night often… 

“I didn’t want to do that, I felt icky” You told him after he came back from cleaning himself up in the bathroom, while you were left to clean the traces of himself from your own mouth. No aftercare, no thought about you. The ghost of a boy who used you, who was an on and off friend of almost 10 years…

“I know.” he answered with no emotion.

“Then… why?” You asked, your head cocked to the side.

“Because I really wanted it.” He puts his hand on your shoulder, “But I’m sorry you feel that way. Shit now I feel bad.”

Then it switched to those friends, on another night… “ I just don’t buy it. That DID NOT HAPPEN, I know him better than you.”

“I mean you did it anyway so you must’ve wanted it.”

You tried to explain that you were assaulted, it’s called coercive consent and it’s the most common form of assault. You were raped. You didn’t want to do it and he knew that but you wanted to make him happy. You tried to explain, to educate. They weren’t having it.This conversation at times whirls in your head. Making you itch to pull a trigger, do something to make the torture stop.

“You always overreact and you’re so annoying why don’t you just go the fuck away!”

“You’re so depressing just fucking go away! We only tolerated you because you are his girlfriend, just go the fuck away!” The intent in her voice. The reality. You trusted her most out of the entire group. She helped you emotionally… Now shaming you, blaming you.

Her boyfriend rendered you speachless when you called it what it was, it was rape via coercive consent:

“Oh I get the kind of person you are, you’re the type of person who gets felt up in the middle of the night by their significant other because they’re trying to get laid and you call it rape.”

You know the right method to take now, right… Yeah you do.

Isolate… process… torture yourself…cry… alone. Contain the monster, so it doesn't hurt anyone else… You're just a monster parading as a human. Don't forget it. This happens when you forget Y/N… stop being reckless. Always so fucking reckless… 

You started clenching your hands one over the other, wanting to rake the top of your hands until they bled, trying to ground yourself. Until subconsciously, you did. You rocked as you did it, trying to soothe yourself.

Sometimes you swear people don't see you drowning right in front of their fucking eyes. You know how to swim, you know how to get out, to scream, punch, fight. You want to swim, you really do. But you can only do so much in a rip current. The lifeguard sees you. But instead of helping they yell “PADDLE! JUST PADDLE YOU'LL BE FINE!” It's a different level of patronization. It just makes you want to let the tides swallow you. Because why fight when the waters are so warm?

“Y/N?!” Chris yelled as he saw your bag tossed haphazardly on the couch, never where you put it. He stopped and listened carefully. He thought back to the last text you sent him. “Shit hit the fan at work …I don't want to feel right now. I'll see you at home.” 

That middle sentence made his heart stop. He knows you… something was up. He tried texting you back, sending words of encouragement, calling, and leaving cute messages when you didn't pick up, and nothing was heard from you. As soon as he could get away from schedules he did. When he looked at the clock you had sent that message three hours beforehand, he never raced home faster. 

He knows what your mind does to you. He sees the battles every day. When he’d compliment you and you would look down, not shy, but contradictory. When he’d pick you up you would freeze and he’d remind you that you aren’t too heavy, that he loves you in every single way that you think is impossible to love you. He’d always encourage you to wear what you want, do what you want. He would caress every single curve, never being able to keep his hands off of you. Whispering into your ear in public as he tilts your head up gently after asking for permission. He’d kiss you so delicately in front of a sea of people. On the red carpet, on stage, it didn’t matter. You were and are his person, and he loved showing you off. He couldn’t win the war in your mind for you, but he damn sure would fight those battles with you.

He would fight away those negative thoughts, he’d wrap his arms around you and sing to you to will those images, the anxiety and fear away. Until those thoughts were rendered useless. He’d wrestle with them for control, as soon as he won your mind back he gave it to you. He reminded you that you are here with him for a reason. He adores you, and nothing would change that. 

It was something he promised you when he saw you breakdown while doing your medicines. You told him that you were ashamed of it all. All the illnesses, that you weren’t perfect and that you’d understand if he didn’t want you. He looked at you and helped with your medicines, learned about each of them, and their dosages. He was so gentle, smiling at you, wiping your tears. He looked at all the medicines and said, anything that keeps you alive is nothing to be ashamed of. You aren’t something to be ashamed of. He knows that sometimes you can’t hear him until he’s right in your ear. Now looked like that case.

You couldn't hear him calling out to you, your mind too loud, too vicious, bloodthirsty. When pain and self-deprecation are your main moods, all others seem like an abnormal concept. Something that is stolen, was it even real in the first place? You know one thing that was real… Chris. You hated being this… the medications, the constant fires in your mind, the barrage of hate aimed at yourself, of unbridled strength turned inward to rip yourself apart for no reason other than things piling up. He didn't deserve that. He deserves peace, the best… just like what he demands of himself, perfection. 

You got through the gauntlet at your job. People undermining your authority, people on a power trip of their own. Sending others to try to intimidate, embarrass you into submission… as if you weren't a bloodthirsty wolf that could snap any second, biting their heads clean off. “An Alpha through and through,” that's what Chris would say, “Even Alphas have to bite their tongue, Love.” 

That made you cry more because at this point you don't even know if your tongue is still existent, or if you swallowed the damn thing after you bit it off. Or worse… you still have it… but you lost your voice. You know that can't be it, we're too fucking stubborn for that.

But the hits didn't stop coming, traffic happened, then going to the doctor who said that the physical therapy you needed would eat into your personal time, your time to write, to cook for Channie and the boys, to spend time with Channie and the boys.. then you forgot the doctors note so you had to walk back in for it. Then you had to go home while you tried to talk about everything… and well now here we are. 

Even now you try to problem solve, try to nitpick at yourself, the person he loves so much. You collapsed more on the floor of your shared bedroom, cross-legged thinking of the ocean, the violent, dangerous, tumultuous ocean… something simultaneously so beautiful and scary. You want to say you are like an ocean, but you don't see beauty in yourself, only a beast. That's all we'll ever be.

Chris freezes in the hallway hearing a sob break loose from you. He hadn't heard a sob like that before, it chilled his core. How does he approach this? He sees the doctor's note thrown next to your purse… He was happy you were approved for physical therapy, you really were in a lot of pain daily from the muscle and tendon weakness, but he looked at the times…

He looked to the hallway, “Oh…Baby Girl.” He had one piece of the puzzle. He knew you loved to cook for him and the boys but this schedule meant you couldn't do that for the foreseeable future. You enjoyed seeing the boys eating, and staying fueled, knowing without that they'd opt for less healthy options. Then he saw the paper right under it. A typed log… a leger of interactions throughout your day… “No…” 

Right there, in black and white, was what you went through today, everything down to the sarcastic smirk your coworker had as you were barraged with pressure to break the rules… and you didn't break. He never would've expected you to. You are the strongest person he knows. Even under these conditions, Chris himself would break. In front of fifty plus people being berated, pushed to do something you knew you couldn’t do. 

Right at the end of it was a line, written in plain ink by hand. “Vacation not given as described by supervisor. No week off.” With tear stains smudging the ink. 

Chris started walking down the hall to the shared bedroom. As he walked closer he heard you mumbling as you sobbed. Things like “stop crying” and “it's nothing.” But one made him freeze right before he opened the door, “Chris is going to worry. You already take too much from him, get it together so he won't worry. It’ll hurt him. Stop hurting the people you love. You’re a monster.”

That made his eyes sting, you were worried about him above all else. He slowly opened the door and you couldn't find it in you to look up. You knew who it was. The aura you know and love, like salve on the holes you ripped into yourself. The small steps were only weighed down by his sneakers as he slowly spoke. 

“Hey…Baby Girl?” The tone was even more soothing. We don't deserve that. “Can you look at me please?” You just shook your head. Too embarrassed at the shambling mess you are. The real you that you hide. 

Before you knew it you saw two big hands undoing the laces on his sneakers, shortly after he toed them off. Slowly he sat in front of you groaning “Oooooookay criss-cross applesauce it is…” making you smirk as you wiped your nose with the inside of the collar of your shirt. Finally, as he settled he said “aaaaaughh” with a big puff of air… 

You just tucked your head into your chest as you hid as much as you could. He waited for a few minutes, until he said, “We can address what happened in a few minutes. But you need to know. You don't take from me.” 

Your tears kept falling as you listened, his tone calming the raging currents in your mind.

He looked at the engagement and wedding band on your left hand. He watched the tears fall, he saw the holes in you. He wanted to lunge at you, take that emotional knife away from you, smother you in affection. Hold you, his heart burned for it. Needle and thread ready to patch you up. To heal you.

 He spoke softly, “You are my everything, Y/N. You aren't a burden, a disappointment, you aren't a chore, the only thing you took from me was my heart, but you had that before I even heard your voice. The second I saw you… I gave it to you. I don't want it back either.” 

You hiccuped breaths as you listened. He scooted a little closer and he put his hands out, palm up into your vision… asking for your hands. That was when you realized you were scratching at them again. 

You unfurled them from one another, hissing where one nail was slightly deeper, the tiny droplet of blood following soon after.

He looked at your hands, humming in the back of his throat, “One second.” He didn’t want to show it, but he was worried. You feel so much and he just wants to be there to hold you, to love you. 

Then popped up and left. He came back with a first aid kit, “Oooooookay heeaarr we goar again... criss-cross.” That made you giggle the tiniest bit. Chris always loved to hear your laugh. Your laugh is infectious and it always never fails to brighten his day. He knew he was making progress.

You couldn't see it but Chris was smirking at your tiny cute form. And hearing that little giggle made him want to channel Changbin and squeal at the cuteness overload. 

“Okay my Koala Bear… hands.” When you both had started dating, he noticed you always hung on to him. You explained that he was warm and you were always frozen, especially in the colder months. You asked if it was okay for you to hold on to him like that. Internally he was trying his best not to giggle like a school boy at the prospect of you holding on to him like this naturally. He looked at you and said, “It’s no problem, you just remind me of a Koala Bear, so cute and tiny. Can I call you that? My Koala Bear?” And you nodded blushing. Since then, you’ve been his Koala Bear. 

You presented your hands to him wincing at the stretch of the new scratches and he said “So tiny… so cute. Okay tiny sting” he cleaned the bigger scratch and put a bandage on it, and checked the rest. Once he deemed it all good to have your hands back. He kissed them then returned them to your lap. “Thank you for letting me clean them.” 

You nodded and hummed. The voices slowed down. They always slowed down around him. He always was your safe place. Like home base in a baseball game. If you made it there, you’re safe. You’re home. That thought made you sad, surprisingly. How are you safe with only one person? You should have security in yourself not in someone else. Your brain was waiting to start assaulting you again. 

“Is it loud in there?” Chris asked. You've told him about all of this before, this is the first time he's seen it this bad though. The voices, memories attack you. You explained to him that sometimes your brain will do this, you try to hold it back but sometimes it just can’t be helped.

“Mhmm”

“People don't help… right?”

“mhmm”

“Can you tell me what's going on in there?”

You told him. Some.. not all. You also told him about that pesky intrusive thought about your ex and your friends. 

His body went rigid as he said, “No… they're the ones that are wrong, not you. Your ex…” He wanted to choose his words carefully. He knew that you blame yourself at times. The memory of you explaining why you were hesitant to go further when you were dating. He assured you there was no pressure. That he loved you for you, the rage boiled in him and it still does because you were never at fault for this. Especially when you trusted that asshole enough to experiment with him. He was going to be your first for everything but after what he did. The trust was gone, rightfully so.

Chris continued, “He took advantage of you, and coerced you into consent, that is not love. That is not okay? That is sexual assault. The way that your friends acted was disgusting, the way he acted was sub-human… You are not depressing, you are one of the most beautiful, talented, funny, caring, loving people I have…” his voice gave out and he cleared his throat, “You are one of the most amazing people I've ever met in my life. I love you so much and I know you feel like you're a burden on me but being with you has been the most amazing thing I've ever experienced.”

He tilted your head up and you let him, he had tears in his eyes as he said, “You have never been nor will you ever be a monster.” Your tears picked up as you looked into his eyes. You could tell, Chris doesn’t lie. He’ll tell you the truth. His tears started falling as you leaned forward, reaching for him, needing contact. When you saw him you needed his warmth, you need him to heal you. You were losing hope, faith, everything as you watched the holes in you. Seeing him holding the needle and thread. By holding you, being with you, just being himself, it heals you. You whimpered, “Need you…” As your tears switched from self-hate to desperation… you needed him and he could tell. 

He untangled his legs and scooped you up, cradling you in his arms as he rocked you petting your hair back, “You are my inspiration, my eternal love, you are the best part of my past, my present, and my future. You are the future mother to my children, the woman I'm going to grow old with, my forever and always. You are my Y/N, and I am never going to let you forget who you are and why I love you, okay?” He started crying, shielding you in his chest, protecting you. Stitching you together as you heard his heartbeat. You cried on him, relieved that you were with him.

You pulled back from him nodding. He tried to kiss your lips but you said “I'm all snotty” and he giggled. Leave it to you to be worried about snotty kisses. You looked so adorable, cheeks and nose red, nose running, tears stopping, the twinkle coming back into your eyes as he looked at you. 

“Are you denying me my snotty kisses?” He giggled as he said “Okay fine. There's no snot on your forehead” he pecked your forehead, “none on your cheeks”, and laid another peck, this pattern continued for any expanse of skin he could get his lips on as you giggled at him and his barrage of affection. When he stopped he wiped your nose with his sleeve and he kissed you gently on the lips. He savored moments like this, being able to heal you, to pick you up. He looked into your eyes as he said, “now I am thinking I’ll draw up a bath for us and I’ll give you a nice massage. After that we order take away, from your favorite place, then we watch something, Hm?” He looked at you for an answer as he kept wiping tears.

You nodded and gently, he placed you back where you were and went to get the bath ready. You'll always have hard days, but those days turn into amazing nights with Chris. Your home.

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[transmutationisms]

serious question but do you personally believe there is a way to approach psychiatry in a way that uplifts and upholds patient autonomy and wellness or is the entire trade essentially fucked haha. Btw this is an ask coming from a 3rd year med student—with a background of severe mental illness—who is considering a residency in psychiatry after receiving life-saving care in high school pertaining to said conditions. (I have peers who have been involuntarily hospitalized and treated horribly in psych wards, with approaches i patently disagree with, but was lucky not to experience. I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework. I also def agree with you that so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized—a great example being the whole “chemical imbalances in the brain is the ONLY reason why im like this” argument that ive unfortunately fallen hard for when i was younger and am still currently dismantling within myself…and like dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc). Like i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people—a lot of whom are just like me—but im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system, in ur opinion… ngghhhhhh i just want to be a good doctor to my patients…

(ps i love all ur writing and analysis on succession!! big fan mwah <333)

i don't mean to sound unduly pissy at you, specifically, but i do have to say: every single time i've talked about antipsych or broader criticism of medicine on this website, i immediately get a wave of responses like this, from doctors/nurses/psychs/students of the above, asking me to, like, reassure them that they're not doing something immoral or un-communist or whatever by having or pursuing these jobs. and it's honestly frustrating. why is it that these conversations get re-framed around this particular line of inquiry and medical ego-soothing? why is it that when i say "the medical encounter is not structured to protect patient autonomy or well-being," so many people hear something more along the lines of "doctors are mean and i wish they were nicer"? why is it that it's impossible to discuss the philosophical and structural violence of academic and clinical medicine without it becoming a referendum on the individual morality of doctors?

i'm choosing to read you in good faith because i think it's possible to re-re-frame this line of questioning to demonstrate to you the sorts of critiques and inquiries i find more interesting and more conducive to patient autonomy and liberation. so, let me pick apart a few lines of this ask.

"is the entire trade essentially fucked?"

if you're thinking of trying to 'reform' the project of medical psychology within existing infrastructures and institutions, then yeah, it's fucked. if you're still assuming that affective distress can only be 'treated' within this medical apparatus (despite, again, no psychiatric dx satisfying any pathologist's understanding of a 'disease' ie an aberration from 'normal' physiological functioning) then you're not challenging the things that actually make psychiatry violent. you're simply fantasising about making the violence nicer.

"I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework."

i hate when i talk about psychotropic drugs being marketed to patients using lies like the chemical imbalance myth, and then pushed on patients—including through outright force—by psychiatrists, and the discussion gets re-framed as one about 'overprescribing'. my problem is not with people taking drugs. i am, in fact, so pro-drugs that i think even the ones administered in a clinical setting sometimes have value. my issue is with, again, the provision of misleading or outright false information, the use of force and coercion to put patients on such drugs in order to force social conformity and employability, and the general model of medicine and medical psychology that assumes patients ought to be passive recipients of medical enlightenment rather than active participants in their own treatment who are given the agency to decide when and how to engage with any form of curative or meliorative intervention.

'holistic' medicine and psychiatry do not solve this problem! they are not a paradigm shift because they continue to locate expertise and epistemological authority with the credentialed physician, and to position patients as too sick, stupid, or helpless to do anything but receive and comply with the medical interventions. there are certainly psychotropic drugs that are demonstrably more harmful than others (antipsychotics, for example), and some that are demonstrably prescribed to patients who do not benefit from them and are even harmed by them. conversely, there are certainly forms of intervention besides pharmaceuticals that people may find helpful. but my general critique here is aimed less at haggling over specific methods of intervention, and more at the ideological and philosophical tenets of medicine that cause any interventions to be imposed by force or coercion on patients, then framed as being 'for their own good'. were suffering people given the information and autonomy to actually choose whether and how to engage in any kind of intervention, some might still choose drugs! my position here is not one of moralising drugs, but making the act of taking them one that is freely chosen and available as an option without relying on physician determination of a patient's interests over their own assessment of their needs and wants.

"so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized"

true, but don't misunderstand me as saying that drugs or any other form of intervention should be forcibly withheld from those who do want them and are made fully aware of what risks and harms seeking them could entail. again, this would still be an authoritarian model; my critique is aimed at increasing patient autonomy, not at creating equally authoritarian and empowered doctors who just have slightly different treatment philosophies.

"dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc"

ok, framing this as "demonisation" tells me that you're not understanding that, again, this is a systemic and structural critique. it is certainly true that a great many doctors currently are, and have historically have been, outright racist, trans/misogynist, ableist, and so on. framing this as a problem of a well-intentioned discipline being corrupted by some assholes is getting it backwards. medicine attracts prejudiced people, not to mention strengthens and promotes these prejudices in its entire training and practice infrastructures, because of its underlying philosophical orientation toward enforcing 'normality' as defined by 18th-century statistics and 19th-century human sciences that explicitly place white, cis, able-bodied european men as the normal ideal that everyone else is inferior to or failing to live up to. doctors who really nicely tell you that you're too fat are still using bmi charts that come from the statistical anthropometry of adolphe quételet and the flawed actuarial calculations of metlife insurance. doctors who really nicely deny you access to transition surgery are still operating under a paradigm that gives the practitioner authority over expressions and embodiments of gender. the issue isn't 'demonisation', it's that medicine and psychiatry explicitly attempt to render judgments about who and what is 'normal' and therefore socially 'healthy', and enforce those standards on patients. this is not a promotion of patient well-being, but of social conformity.

"i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people"

let me ask you a few questions. you say that you like your psych rotations... but how do your patients feel about them? is their autonomy protected? are they in treatment by free choice, and free to leave any time they wish? are they treated as human beings with full self-determination? if you witnessed a situation in which a patient was coerced or forced into a certain treatment, or in which you were not sure whether they were consenting with full knowledge or freedom, would you feel empowered to intervene? or would doing so threaten your career by exposing you to anger and retaliation from your higher-ups? what higher-ups will you be exposed to as a resident, and then as a practicing physician? could you practice in a way that committed fully, 100%, to patient autonomy if you were working at someone else's practice, or in a hospital or clinic? could you, according to current medical guidelines, even if you had your own practice?

when you say "this is the manner in which i would like to help people", what do you mean by "this"? can you define your philosophy of treatment, and the relationship and power dynamic you want to have with any future patients? is it one in which you hold authority over them and see yourself as determining what's in their 'best interests', even over their own expressed wishes? have you connected with patient advocates, psych survivors (other than your friends), and radical psychiatrists and anti-psychiatrists who may espouse heterodox treatment philosophies that you could consider? do you think such philosophies are sufficient for protecting patient autonomy and well-being, or are they still models that position the physician's judgment and authority over that of the patient?

"im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system"

and here is the crux of the problem with this entire ask. you are wondering how to sleep at night, if you are participating in a career you find morally distasteful. where, though, do your patients enter into that equation? do you worry about how they sleep at night, after having interacted with a system of social violence that may very well have traumatised them under the guise of providing help? why does your own guilty conscience worry you more than violations of your patients' bodies, minds, and basic self-determination?

i can't tell you whether your career path is morally acceptable to you. i don't think this type of guilt or self-flagellation is fruitful and i don't think it helps protect patients. i don't, frankly, have a handy roadmap sitting around for creating a new system of medicine and health care that rests on patient autonomy. affective distress is real, and is not something we should have to bear alone or with the risk of having violence inflicted upon us. what you need to ask yourself is: how does the medical model and establishment serve people experiencing such distress? how does it perpetuate violence against them? and how do you see yourself countering, or perpetuating, such violence as someone operating within this discipline? what would it mean to be a 'good' actor within a violent system, if you do indeed believe that such a thing is ontologically possible?