#me when my thoughts are not immediately praised as a holy grail

[crashingthruwindow]

being vulnerable makes me want to puke

[fanfiction4sooya]

Addictive

Just something about ms Wendy bc she is on my mind lately and her abs are out of this world I can't-

Smut, porn without plot, +18, pussy licking, praising (we all know wendy knows how to eat pussy idc)

You were stepping out of the shower when you heard the front door open and shut. Knowing your wife just got home you smiled to yourself, waiting for her to call you as you knew she would. Except she didn't.

You frowned and went looking, finding Wendy without her shirt sitting on your couch. 'Hello, abs' you thought.

"Babe? Is it anything wrong?" She looked at you, a pained expression on her ace. You immediately rushed to her side, sitting down. "Wendy?'

"I'm thirsty" She pouted. You slapped her arm, lightly.

"Wh- why didn't you tell me? You scared me!" You slapped her again and she laughed. "I'll get you some water" You were about to get up when she held your wrist, pulling you to her lap.

"No need, I'll drink from between your legs in a minute" Her playful demeanor was still there, but you knew she meant business when she hugged your waist staring at your lips.

"Oh" You blushed. "That kind of thirst" You circled her shoulders with your arms as she kissed your lips next, pulling you impossibly close to her bare abs and making you whimper.

"I've been craving you all day, fuck" She kissed your collarbone as you gripped her short hair (your favorite her style for her). "You smell so good, baby"

"I just got out of the shower, of course I smell good" You playfully rolled your eyes. She laid you down on the couch, your bare pussy already getting wet because of the look of complete adoration on her face.

"No" Kissing you one more time, she massaged your tongue with hers swallowing your moan and completely dominating the kiss. "You always smell so good it's insane" She dipped a finger in your entrance, making you close your eyes and a moan rip out of your throat.

"look how wet you are already" She brought her finger to your lips and you sucked on it, rolling your hips looking for some friction.

She trailed a few kisses down your body, knowing very well she didn't have to wait a lot for you to get turned on by her. You observed every move, completely enamored by her. She kissed your patch of hair, admiring your cunt.

"You look so pretty" You clenched at that, she knows that praising you is the fastest way to get you going.

Kissing your clit you jolted with the contact, smiling down at her; Her tongue entered your slit first and you grabbed the couch, bucking your hips and she held them down, humming at your taste and nosing at your clit. Licking softly in an up and down motion she tasted you one more time, stopping at you clit and sucking on it.

You were so horny that you couldn't even hold your moans, being louder than you usually was, bucking your hips onto her face.

She kept that pace, looking at your flushed face, your parted lips, your tummy and those beautiful breasts of yours, swallowing your whole image as one more of your sacred moments together. You were her holy grail and she would always adore you as such.

"Babe, please" You pleaded, opening your eyes enough for you to look at that image one more time before spilling you juices right there on her pretty face. "I'm coming, fuck" She only hummed acknowledging and reassuring you that she knew it very well.

Your legs were trembling around her head, your pussy violently clenching with each suck of hers on your swollen clit but you knew she wouldn't stop so soon. It was her little ritual of making you cum and then cleaning you up licking you some more until she got satisfied.

Were you crazy enough to complain? Of course not.

After a few minutes she kissed back the little trail she did before and then kissing your pretty lips, you moaned as you tasted your own arousal.

"You taste amazing as always, my wife" She stated looking at your eyes, her face glistening with your wetness.

"Babe, you say this for about four years already" You blushed.

"Well four years, two months and..." She did a little math on her mind. "Nine days" She smiled, kissing your lips again and nudging you cheek with her nose.

"You are crazy" You laughed, hugging her.

"Not crazy" She laughed. "Addicted? Yes, definitely. And I have zero fault on you being so addictive" She stated with a more sultry tone, making you shiver while kissing your neck one more time, definitely going for a second round...

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Seiba Part 2

Zero Seiba, all Tragedy

For my second part of my Fate Zero rambling I decided to dedicate it too Saber herself because my first Seiba post was after the 2006 Fate Stay Night and mostly about her.

Am I obsessed? Yes, all jokes aside, I am to a degree because I grew up liking those king arthur legends. I knew very little as a child but I always loved a King Arthur or Robin Hood story.

And for reasons I won't fully reiterate I do find fascination (and humor) in how accurate Fate is to Arthurian legends despite gender bending the central figure himself.

Saber is very tragic due to these things. Lived as a man in an age that won't let women rule, chosen by a sword to be king, wielding another sword (alongside a holy spear and scabbard) that rendered her ageless, and raised on the idealism of the perfect king.

Her life was full of sacrifice and convoluted magic. When someone like Iskander says she was a "little girl who couldn't chase butterflies or fall in love" or when someone says she was a king who could not understand the hearts of men there is some truth to it.

In a lot of ways she was set up for failure from the start albeit not by intent.

Stark Differences

If you've read the first post then you're likely wondering what else I could say. If you haven't, here: Seiba Part One

I do not think you'll need it but if you're the type to see this and immediately try and draw me into "they treat that way cause WOMEN" then read it. It may not be to your standards but I explain my draw to this character well and my respect for her depiction. I also freely admit that I believe people project quickly at the cost of critical thought but that's a separate rant.

What is relevant here is how does Zero hurt or help how Saber is portrayed in Fate Stay Night... which is hard to answer because every fate work is it's own timeline. (including Fate/Zero)

When you watch Fate Zero you're seeing a slightly (or perhaps greatly) alternative take on the 4th Grail War that Saber mentions in Fate Stay Night.

Her own memories of the 4th Grail war aren't complete. Servants aren't supposed to remember things from one summoning to another either.

Even so I think Zero adds to her. It may be differing timelines but the character is the same at their core....I wonder how many I just pissed off by saying that.

While Fate Zero is praised it also has people who dislike her depiction within it. The Saber we see is very staunch about chivalry and honor and so on. To some this makes her seem overly idealistic compared to her other depictions.

It can even seem overly childish compared to her own past and how she used soldiers in warfare. I won't even disagree on that front, this Saber is idealistic.

But I think that is with intent. She was raised by and fell to the flawed idealism of mankind. Plus, I think that was to parallel her master Kiritsugu and his wife Irisviel.

They too were idealistic on what the grail could actually do and servants always have some form of parallel to their summoner. In FSN she parallels Shirou's heroic complex and sacrificial tendencies.

In Fate Zero she parallels Kiritsugu's flawed idealism.

Point A to B

If we're running on the assumption that FSN and Fate Zero had near identical events then I'd also argue that this depiction of her is meant to show how she got to her depiction in FSN.

Zero shows us how others such as Kirei, Gilgamesh, or Kiritsugu got to where they are. It only makes sense that this had similar effects on Saber who remembers some vague aspects of the 4th War.

In Fate Zero she tells her fellow kings that she wishes to save Britain but in FSN she wishes to undo the sword selection itself. In Fate Zero she a bit more laid back compared to her serious to business take in FSN.

Even if she doesn't fully remember that 4th War it scarred her like the others. The idea that she was a bad king and other negative ideals started to internalize somewhat. Now, we all know there's only some truth in those statements but what we know vs what she believes is different.

I am not saying Fate Zero did it well but I am arguing that this may have been the intention. Her acceptance and growth in FSN's Fate Route benefits from it I'd argue.

It's not necessary since FSN can be read/watched as is but I do appreciate the attempt. I do not consider Saber naive but I do think she was made into a king based on naive ideals.

A King that doesn't know mens Hearts

Another line that I've seen some disdain for. I do not fully agree with it either but there is something to be said for the few times there's some truth in the statement.

The show makes Lancelot the pinpoint of that negative thought process but I feel that's where the other fans get offended. Yes, she didn't fully understand her knights or people but that's more to do with her denying herself her own humanity throughout life.

When I see that fight I saw no confusion on Lancelot's part. He fully understood Arthur, his issue was that he couldn't handle that truth. He deserved the punishment that Guinevere was given in his mind.

Arthur was a perfect king for a horribly imperfect people.

No, the moment the show highlights truth in that line is with Kiritsugu. They never got along and after episode 16 I did not think that highly of him either. He did things so dirty in that episode that I had a visibly disgusted reaction, I can only imagine what she felt as he ruined a fight between two true knights.

She could never understand her master and that was the recipe for ruin from the start. She said it herself in the finale how could "she ever understand a man through three command spells"

The Banquet of Kings

I can't end this without mentioning the infamous Banquet of Kings. The start of Saber's spiral into self doubt.

There's a lot of talk about this scene, the good and ills of it, I wrote a lot about it when talking about Iskander in the previous post. That's not a plug like the first link, it's just a scene with that much to discuss.

For Saber specifically, this was a banquet with demeaning outcomes. Her role as a king was discarded quiet harshly albeit for two differing reasons.

For Gilgamesh she is just a fool. To him she becomes an interesting toy to objectify and own, all the negatives that people get from that talk come from him. That is within his character though, I do not say that as an excuse but because there's no other outcome.

For Gilgamesh to even respect Iskandar as a king/conqueror by the end of Zero is more than I actually expected of him. In his mind he IS the king and anyone else is a joke.

Iskandar was a bit more nuanced. He never disrespected Saber for being female nor as a warrior. She does lose his respect as a fellow king but only after he hears her wish. To him, it's an insult to all those that served her to undo their work and sacrifices.

He also, correctly, identifies her as someone raised trapped in ideals that didn't get a chance to be a person. He words it as "a little girl that didn't get to chase butterflies or fall in love" but the thing he finds sad about her is that lack of choice period.

Ultimately, there is one other key factor that the two actually agree on. Although they differ on why a king stands above other men they do at least agree that they do so.

Saber, in contrast, has a less archaic view that kings serve the people. Now is this wrong? That's hard to say since I'm from an age where monarchy is largely dead.

However, I do think Iskandar is right to the extent that kings inspire. They don't always lead or inspire for good reasons but there is a core logic of a leader present.

I also agree that the lack of childhood or basic human wants hurt her reign. You can make all the jokes you want about a 35yr old woman acting childish in FSN or Ataraxia, that makes sense to me and, it's something she needed more of.

If she had more of that core human experience earlier she may have been able to lead Camelot to a less tragic end. If nothing else, perhaps more of the ones that should've understood her would've.

One of the better retroactive connections here is her accepting things in FSN's Fate Route. She no longer desires to undo it all finding value in her and her comrades efforts. Something that only comes from the normalcy she gains from living with Shirou.

Conclusions?

All in all what I mean to say is that I appreciated her depiction in Zero. It's not flawless but I do see some of the things reflected in her original depiction. I see the attempt to explain some of it.

More than anything else, it helps me appreciate more her growth in FSN's story. All she really needed was someone to let her be a person rather than an ideal king or weapon. (like kiritsugu)

I have no deeper meaning, I just wanted to ramble and discuss the banquet scene. Also, no, I did not forget the amazing Iri & Saber dynamic. I just do not know what to say.

It was wholesome, Saber rocks a suit, and never let Iri drive. Goodnight everybody!

=====================

For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

[hornime]

for your viewing pleasure | suna rintarou x gn!reader

camming was addicting in a way; he could be as lazy as he wanted with it and people would still lose their minds over the tiny crumbs he left them. it was suna’s sadistic little game, and he loved it.

warnings: 18+, college au, camboy!suna, male masturbation, mentions of drinking

w/c: 1k (this was not supposed to get this long oops)

a/n: no because suna is literally the perfect candidate for camming. he’s so fucking effortlessly sexy that it pisses me off but i KNOW i’d be pressing that follow button in half a heartbeat.

for your viewing pleasure: part one ↓ | part two

“fuck.” suna let out a guttural groan, his right hand moving rapidly along his shaft as he braced himself on his other forearm, naked body splayed out on his white bedsheets. “my hand feels good ‘round my cock but i’d rather it was you,” he grunted out to no one in particular. he took a shaky breath. “hngh, you know, if you were good, i’d cum inside. you’d like that, wouldn’t you? stupid whore, all desperate for some cum.” a few thrusts later, his stomach clenched and balls tightened, cum spilling heavily from his blushing tip. “oh god,” he moaned, “feels s’good.”

as he recollected his thoughts from his heart-pounding release, he reached forward and clicked the red button on his phone, stopping the recording. after playing the video through to ensure that nothing above his neck was in the frame, he posted it on twitter with a suggestive caption and headed to the shower. this was suna’s almost-nightly routine: film something filthy for his almost forty thousand followers and bask in the strange satisfaction of thirsty comments praising his cock and begging to get fucked. camming was addicting in a way; he could be as lazy as he wanted with it and people would still lose their minds over the tiny crumbs he left them. it was suna’s sadistic little game, and he loved it.

looking back, it’s almost inevitable that he started filming his solo sessions for attention, and eventually for some side cash. 

suna was always good with cameras—throughout high school, the miyas consistently kept him on his toes; he was constantly anticipating an opportunity for the perfect shot of osamu getting a set straight to the face or of atsumu getting tackled in retaliation for said set. just like on the court, he was observant: he always knew the best angles, the best lighting, and the best positioning, all coming together to form the perfect picture. 

and as for the porn part, well, he was a teenage boy once. he’d watched his fair share of erotic videos on all kinds of sites before stumbling upon the vast expanse of homemade clips on twitter, instantly understanding the appeal. a few months after he turned eighteen, he made his own account, figuring that he might as well use his cock for something other than his own pleasure. his peers always gave him hell for his apathy, especially in bed, but on the internet, strangers were in awe of just how little he cared—and how much hotter that made him.

by the time he reached ten thousand followers, he’d opened a venmo, making a few hundred dollars within a week. this isn’t too bad, he thought to himself. i could definitely get used to this. and he did, establishing a pretty solid side gig as a college student that could always use some extra cash.

speaking of college, suna wasn’t really one for parties. in fact, him attending the same party you were, being in the same room you were, and overhearing the only possible conversation that could possibly interest him, were all by complete coincidence. but damn, if he isn’t glad the fates aligned in his favor.

suna, in typical wallflower fashion, was standing against the wall, solo cup in hand, not doing much other than observing those around him and occasionally indulging in the flirtatious glances of a few other partygoers. thinking back, he wasn’t sure how he got so close to you and your friends, or why he was so keen on hearing what you had to say to them. all he knew then was that you were a familiar face from one of his classes, and you were irritatingly attractive. he could probably point to at least five different posts on his account in which he was thinking of specifically you, a person of definite sexual interest, while masturbating.

you’d been drinking, undoubtedly to the point of being tipsy, because there was no way you would’ve been talking about porn, especially at that loud of a volume in the middle of a party, sober. the few beers you’d downed had comfortably warmed your body, making your brain a little fuzzy and your actions a little more reckless. so when your friend had brought up the subject of pornography, you were quick to jump in.

“ya see,” you slurred, “for all the good stuff, ya needa be on twitter. your first mistake s’gunna be going on pornhub or xvideos or some dumb shit like that. you gotta be looking for the good kush on twitter. the homemade stuff. s’authentic and real.”

suna raised a brow at that, taking a short sip of his drink, curious as to what you were going to say next. 

“and once you’re on twitter, you gotta find some good,” you waved your hand vaguely, “content creators. ya know? some accounts you can rely on for all your needs.”

your friend asked you a question that suna couldn’t make out through the reverberating bass of the music.

“me personally? all right. this is my biggest secret, like, this guy is the holy grail of twitter porn. the user is...” 

suna nearly spit out the alcohol settling on his tongue as the username of his secret account escaped your lips. holy shit, he thought to himself, trying to control his quickening pulse. the idea of you using him to get off was way more arousing then he thought it could be. did you ever time your orgasm so that you both were cumming at the same time? did you stare with envy at his hand, wishing it was you? with nothing but your imagination and your fingers, did you pretend it was him looming over you, making you feel good?

his cock stirred impatiently in his pants. shit, i’ve got to chill the fuck out.

“i’m telling you, this man has the prettiest cock i’ve ever seen. like, you guys know, i hate sucking dick. ‘s the worse thing ever ‘cus their balls always smell like old cheese. but for this guy,” you rolled your eyes back dramatically, “i’d get on my hands and knees immediately. t‘so long and thick and curved and pink,” you gushed. “and his voice is so hot. i’d let him do anything to me.”

suna smirked from behind his cup. he likes you. maybe if you play your cards right, he’ll let you suck the pretty cock that you adore so much. and maybe if he plays his cards right, you’ll let him record it so he can watch it whenever he wants, and show off to his followers what a cockhungry slut you are.

making solo porn was getting boring, anyway.

>> part two 

© property of hornime 2021. do not plagiarize any of my writing and do not repost/copy my writing onto any other sites.

[hansolmates]

jjk; angel’s trumpet [06]

summary; one second, your life is flashing before your eyes and the next, you’re transported into a world exactly like your own. but the jungkook you meet in this world isn’t a renowned singer or your former almost-lover, in fact he has no clue who you are and why you know him so well. as you work to find your way home lost and confused, you conclude that you’re either dead or in the middle of the most wicked drug trip of your life. pairing; idol!jk x reader (f), alternatively film producer!jk x reader genre/warnings; fluff, angst, supernatural, idol!au, non-idol!au, alternate universes, themes of fate, language, alcohol consumption, in this chapter—partial nudity, dry humping, sad tears  w.c; 3.5k a/n; a little steamy in the beginning but soft and gooey in the end! enjoy the softness while it lasts bc we’re getting close to the end!! and to satiate your curiosity yes cheesecake factory was ultimate date night 

[05] [06] [07] -> masterpost

Abiding by the dress code, you show up at Jungkook’s doorstep with your rattiest sweatpants, Adidas slides and a plain black t-shirt. You hold your night pack in one hand, and a pint of taro ice cream in your other. 

Before you even have a chance to knock the door is flung open, Jungkook ushering you inside with his marigold oven mitts. Aside from the frilly pink apron that you’re half sure is Minghao’s, you and Jungkook are unexpectedly matching in overworn sweatpants and oversized t-shirts. 

“Hey, pretty girl,” he’s hot under the stove, sweat beading from his temples as he concentrates on simmering the cream for your pasta. He’s carefully spooning the angel hair pasta from the pot to his saucepan, mixing the sauce vigorously in order to emulsify the contents. You wonder how many Binging with Babish and Joshua Weissman he watched to get to this kind of expertise in the kitchen. 

You hug his torso, peeking up from his elbows, “It smells divine.” 

“Thanks, baby. It’s almost done. Mind finishing up the table?” 

A smile quirks up when you see the coffee table cleared, apart from two wine glasses and a Bath and Body Works candle lit in the middle. Off the table you see a plastic bag with a takeout strawberry cheesecake. You quickly move through his kitchen to grab some plates and cutlery, setting the table that is lined with a simple white table cloth. 

“I’m getting the whole Olive Garden treatment today, huh?” you say as you uncork the wine, pouring two hearty glasses. 

“Nuh-uh. We’re going full-out Cheesecake Factory tonight.” 

You set out the coaster for him to place the pasta pan between you two. The pasta is mixed with a hearty aroma of your favorite aromatics and with plenty of fix-ins to declare a hearty meal. Jungkook also pulls out a basket of bread with a pad of butter in the middle, and your mouth salivates as you pick up a dark brown one. The bread is still hot from the touch, like a little pillow in your hands as you rip it open. 

The two of you converse mindlessly over dinner, talking about various things and catching up with the week. Warm, flushed with affection and wine, you bask in the simple but sweet dinner with your favorite person. 

Eventually you two got lazy spooning pasta into your plate and cuddled up in the middle of the table, spooning each other twirled pasta until the pan’s licked clean. 

Jungkook’s quick to turn on Disney+ once you’re done, hopping on the couch to flip through his holy grail films. 

“Quick. Favorite Avenger?” 

“Well… I think Antman’s pretty—”

“Antman? Antman? You may be only one of three people in this world that like Marvel over DC,” he wags the remote at you like a child, “I’m sorry but I think we need to re-evaluate your sanity.”

“Hey! It's a cute movie, okay? He’s sacrificed everything out of love for his daughter.” 

You sit up on your knees, putting your hands atop your boyfriend’s thighs as you explain your earnest opinion. You’re nestled between his legs, looking up at him with a determined look on your face. 

Jungkook on the other hand, can’t help but view this precarious situation as anything but innocent. But seeing the pout on your face and your insistence to defend the superhero has him melting. 

“C’mere,” he says, pulling you up. 

You immediately let him tug you to his lap, fitting your legs between his torso like a puzzle piece. It’s a perfect fit, and you immediately thread your fingers through his head, feeling like a koala as you cling to the scent of his fabric softener. 

“Wanna know a secret?” he faux whispers.

You hum against the collar of his shirt. 

“I really, really like you.” 

“That’s a terrible secret,” you deadpan, “I already knew that. You gave me the whole Cheesecake Factory treatment, after all. In high school, going on a date there confirmed you were serious.” 

“I guess this is me confirming how serious I am about us?” he tugs you away from his neck so he can press his forehead to yours. He lets his eyes flutter shut, and your finger goes to trail down his nose to his lips, “because I am,” he whispers, words moving against your pointer, “very serious about us.” 

“I am too,” you reply earnestly, the pads of your thumbs brushing against his soft cheeks. As you stare in his eyes, you feel a shift in your chest, a sign. 

Hoseok was right. He’s Jungkook, but not your Jungkook. You try not to let your smile falter as you trace the planes of his skin, noting the clear, stress-free skin and lack of eye bags. 

You try to pin your incessant thoughts for now, Jungkook put a lot of effort in this date. He presses his lips to yours, and you immediately let yourself relent under his touch. His hands are warm and needy, trailing from the waistband to the bare skin of your back. His hands fumble to where your bra is supposed to be, and he breaks from your kiss. 

He raises an eyebrow, “You really committed to the dress code tonight, eh?” 

You reach for his hand, letting him palm your bare breast. “I–oh,” you bite your lip at the way he kneads the tender flesh, his wide doe eyes fixated on your facial expression, “always like to be prepared.” 

Squirming in his lap, you let yourself sink against his crotch as you fumble to rip off your t-shirt. Jungkook drinks you in, petal pink lips parting like a kitten starved for milk. One large hand settles on your waist, and his lips latch onto a nipple. 

You cry out, instinctively rolling your hips against his as he brings you to a slow, sensual pace. 

“My pretty girl,” he praises, marveling at the way you immediately respond to his touches. “You look so, so beautiful like this.” 

He snaps his hips up, and through the thin material of your soaked sweats, it’s apparent that he likes this as much as you do. You bite your lip, getting lost in the way Jungkook tends to your body. 

“Baby,” he rasps against your neck, dampening the skin, “hold tight.” 

And his hands move to cup your cheeks, lifting you up in one swoop and bringing you to his room. You immediately cling to him like your life depends on it, and you both giggle and laugh as your boobs bounce with every step and how he suddenly got a cramp in his calf for getting up too fast. 

Jungkook quickly throws you on his twin, and for a second you feel like you’re floating. The sheets smell like floral fabric softener, and you’re encased in an ocean of seashell white blankets and fluffy pillows. Jungkook crawls over to you, looking absolutely smitten as he trails a stream of kisses from your bare belly button all the way to your lips. 

“God, I’m so lucky,” he husks against your collarbone, and you can feel the smile on his lips melding into your skin. “I’m so lucky to have met someone like you, and you’re all mine.” 

At the second he says that, the whole moment feels like an out of body experience. Not in the way two minutes ago, when you felt like you were on cloud nine as Jungkook ravished your body. This feeling is akin to drowning, making you all choked up as you try your hardest not to let the man above you notice. 

“Hey,” he brushes against your cheeks, the pads of his thumbs gathering the moisture welling from your eyes, “baby, are you okay?” 

“Oh,” you sit up slightly, roughly scrubbing away the tears from your face. A strong flush overrides any hint of pleasure that you felt, effectively ruining the moment. You feel terrible, angry at yourself for getting so caught up in your emotions. “I—I’m sorry, it’s just…” 

“Is it me?” he looks a little hurt, sitting on his heels to give you some space, “did we go too fast? I’m sorry—” 

“No, no Jungkook!” you fling up, finding the strength to wrap your small hands around his. “You, you’ve been wonderful. Honestly, I couldn’t ask for more. You’ve done so much for me in a short amount of time,” you squeeze his hands, feeling the warmth of his fingers sink through yours. You wish you could hold onto him, keep this moment tangible for as long as possible. “It’s me, Jungkook. I’m a little messed up in the head.” 

“Is it him?” 

You can’t tell from Jungkook’s expression if he’s feeling slighted by W1 Jungkook. Despite not knowing the situation fully, he really does have a good grasp on how much this has been affecting you, and how much you’ve been trying to avoid it. You have it good here, you can’t deny that. But you can’t be here forever, it isn’t fair to anyone. 

“Some of it, yeah,” you let go of him, hands falling at your lap as you dampen his sheets with your continuous bout of silent sobs. “I’m so sorry, Jungkook. You must think I’m awful and you’re the second choice and fuck—you don’t deserve any of this. I’ve been so selfish wanting to be happy after so long and—”

Patient, loving Jungkook pulls you into his arms, forcing your head between his so he can stroke your head. You’re now full on sobbing on his chest, succumbing to his touch as he soothes you like a baby. 

“What’s so wrong about being selfish for a little bit?” he asks, tone light. He rests his chin on your crown. “At the end of the day, this is your life. Do what makes you happy, save yourself.” 

You don’t know if you can form coherent words so you nod fervently, nuzzling your nose into his collarbone. 

“I’m not going anywhere. Take your time with me, y/n.” 

Is there even time left to take? 

The two of you stay like that for a while. You don’t know how long, but eventually your tears dry and Jungkook’s body is too furnace-like to be pressed up against. Moving so you can still face each other, you plop yourselves side-by-side on the mattress, facing each other. 

Fiddling with the sheets you ask, “Can I still stay here?” 

A soft smile resurfaces to Jungkook’s lips, immediately alleviating your hesitancy. “Of course, I wouldn’t want you to sleep alone if you’re still shaken up.” 

“Could you tell me something happy? So we can end the night on a positive note.” 

He chuckles, propping his arm up on the pillow and tucking his hand to support his head. He’s still shirtless, inadvertently flexing as he adjusts himself. You try not to stare, but Jungkook decides not to tease you just this once. 

“So, it’s kinda-sorta a secret. I’m not really confident about it yet but,” he blows on his black bangs, nervous, “I like to sing.” 

A small, tender smile worms its way onto your visage. “Yeah? I’m sure you’re a beautiful singer.” 

Jungkook snorts, “You’ve never even heard me.” 

“Hm, I still know you’re beautiful.” 

“Well, there’s this producer that works at the radio station. He’s a friend of a friend, and they hooked me up and I’m gonna collab with him. We’re gonna finally meet up and I’m gonna demo some of his songs. He needs a vocalist.” 

“That’s amazing. I can’t wait to hear.” 

“Yeah,” and a dreamy smile overtakes his lips, his eyes floating to the gold LEDs decorating his room as if they are stars. “It’s just a hobby, but I wanna give my all in this.” 

You hum, tucking your hands between the cool pillow, “Can I hear you sing?” 

He frowns, “I’m not even warmed up.” 

“C’mon, just a ‘lil sample!” 

“What do I get out of it?” 

“A happy girlfriend. And if you’re that uncomfortable I’ll sing for you after. I make a pretty mean rendition of Happy Birthday.” 

A pause, and he relents, reaching over to squish your cheek. “Only because you look so peaceful right now,” he sits up a little, “any requests?” 

“Lost Stars, by Maroon 5.” 

“Oh, so she has taste.” 

He takes a deep breath, willing himself to be vulnerable around you. You almost tear up again, hearing the sweet sounds of his voice as he starts off with the pre-chorus of a cover near and dear to your heart. He’s right, his voice is rough and untrained, but the potential is there. But it’s the one thing from home that you’ve missed, and just a couple notes is enough to make you feel at home. 

Once his sample ends, he throws you a small smile and buries himself in the blankets. His face pops up cutely, embarrassed. 

You throw yourself onto the mattress with a flourish, clutching your chest as you make a show of swooning. “That was beautiful,” you say sincerely, “please post a full cover on YouTube. They’re gonna swoon over you.” 

He rolls his eyes, “As if. Only K-pop idols get that kind of attention.” 

“I suppose,” you shrug. 

“But you, however. I remember you saying you were gonna sing for me in return,” he laughs when you groan and flop against the cushions. “C’mon, I wanna see that Happy Birthday remix!” 

You playfully sigh, running a hand through your hair. “Alright, but you only get one line.” 

“Mhm, hit me with that Happy Birthday.” 

No, you are not going to sing Happy Birthday. You take your time, and reach a hand to caress his face. He easily leaned into your touch, placing his hand on top of yours. 

“Take my hands now, you are the cause of my Euphoria.” 

Whether your singing talents are good or not did not matter, Jungkook is equally enamoured. “That’s a nice song,” he says simply, “I’ve never heard it before.” 

You shrug, scooting closer, “Maybe you will one day.” 

The length of the day starts to edge you off to sleep, and you feel your eyes fluttering in and out of consciousness. Jungkook seems equally exhausted, but patient as he watches you fight to stay awake. He pulls the blankets over both of you, reaching forward to pull you closer. 

He looks at you in consent, hands hovering over you as you nod. He starts with your shoulder, trailing his palms down your smooth skin before it reaches the curve of your waist. 

“G’night, Koo,” you mumble, snuggling into his warm chest, “‘M sorry again, we’ll talk about it soon.” 

“Don’t be sorry,” how could he possibly be upset, when he feels how much you care for him right here at this very moment? He presses his lips to your forehead, “everything will be fine, pretty girl. The way I see it, the way we met was fate.” 

•━━━━━━»•»💮💮💮«•«━━•••

W1. 

Jungkook jolts awake, as if lightning pierces his system. 

Instinctively, his hand reaches for yours. Despite the weather getting warmer, your hand still remains uncomfortably cold. He rubs a hand across his face, sweeping the sleep that so desperately wants to take him. 

Things have changed. Your superficial wounds have healed, however you still appear pale and lifeless, twitching occasionally in your sleep. 

Your position has been replaced, right off the bat. There’s a new language teacher to guide the rookies, who has big shoes to fill as they take long hours to ensure that they’re worth keeping. He isn’t sure you’ll have a job to come back to when you wake up. 

It’s been well over a month since he’s seen you. The first couple of days he refused to leave your side, insistent on cleaning your skin with a warm cloth and putting lavender lotion on because you couldn’t. After that, he had no choice in the matter. Life had to go on without you. 

If anyone was in pain from your hit and run, they’ve so far masked it really well. Everyone other than Sehlyung however, whose roots have grown in and her stitching has slowed considerably, as if always interrupted by mere thought. But smiles continue to be exchanged, performances are full of unbridled energy, and he immerses himself completely. Except today when he gets a break, he insists to drive straight to the hospital to keep you company, even if you don’t know it. 

At that time Jimin placed a soft hand upon his sunken cheek, pale due to overexertion and lack of sleep. “Jungkook, you can go home with us and rest for a few hours,” he tried to convince him, “she’s not going anywhere.” 

“I know,” he felt like a child, fiddling with his hangnails as he’s pressed between Jimin and Hoseok in the back of their van, “just don’t wanna waste any time doing needless things.” 

“Like showering, eating, making sure you’re still a human being?” Hoseok tried to lighten the mood, staring out onto the city as they made their way to their apartment complex. “C’mon, I’m sure y/n can still smell how much you stink right now.” 

Someone chided Hoseok, and threw a bag of Cheetos in his lap. The conversation on their side started to morph into something else, completely forgetting the conflict Jungkook was going through. Jungkook sunk further into his seat, thighs brushing against Jimin’s as he continued his spiel. 

Jimin offered him a tentative smile, “In case she wakes up, y’know? I’m sure she doesn’t want to see you like this.” 

Jungkook’s not even sure if you’d want to see him at all. 

Nevertheless it’s six against one, and with a quick shower and a granola bar he’s already Ubering to the hospital. Initially he was going to bring his work computer to get some stuff done in your room, but he figured your family would be in your room and he didn’t want to impose. 

Thankfully, he could avoid another awkward conversation today (he didn’t want to remember the first one)  as the nurses told him that your family already left for today. That much was evident when he spotted a garbage bag by the door, filled with pizza boxes. Courtesy of the company you’ve been moved to a VIP room, large enough for your visiting family to spend their days in. 

The desk that he usually occupies to do work is filled with coloring pages from your younger cousins, renditions of you awake and playing dress-up with them. He doesn’t bother pushing them aside, instead plopping his bag in its chair and going over to the sofa chair closest to your bedside. 

Fast-forward to now, he doesn’t know when he fell asleep holding your hand. He opens your bedside drawer to search for something to wake him up. You always kept a tin of breath mints in your purse, just in case. 

Your purse is splayed out across the drawer, stray items rolling back and forth. Immediately finding the forest green tin Jungkook pops two spearmints in his mouth, slamming the drawer shut. 

He hears glass shuffle between the wood. Confused, he opens the drawer again, slowly. In the very back corner, there’s a bottle he’s never seen before. He picks up the tiny container, weighing it between his palms. A wilted, once sunset orange flower is floating sadly between the clear liquid. There’s a little bit of the liquid left, and it almost looks like a novelty item you keep in your purse, like a good luck charm. He pops open the lid and brings it to his nose. Maybe it’s his propensity to get sick more often, but he can’t smell its contents. 

With a shrug, he throws it back and takes a swig. 

He immediately coughs at the sudden and unexpected tang of floral alcohol. Some of the nurses passing by ask if he’s fine, but he waves them off and reaches for the glass of water on the counter. After downing half the glass he quickly caps the jar and shoves it back in your purse. 

Resting his head on the thin mattress, he reaches for your hand again. He whispers your name. 

“Can you hear me?” he says, halfheartedly trying to get you riled up like old times, “when you wake up, you owe me an explanation of whatever poison is in your bag.” 

When he closes his eyes, he dreams of you. It’s like he’s swimming, present but not. But it’s definitely his gaze, from his point of view. He sees you, naked in an unfamiliar room with warm yellow LEDs, reaching to caress his messy hair. Jungkook’s hands are splayed over your body, and he can almost feel how soft your skin is, slightly damp but comfortable enough to hold you. He can’t make out whatever you’re saying, but you flash him a tired smile and snuggle further into his chest, as warm as can be. 

[6ixfics]

(not) a bad idea / woong

rated M for smut word count: 1800

*college!au/fratboy!woong (if only you knew how many times i had to take a break because the mere thought of it was practically making me lose my shit. bonus point is him being BLONDE like breathe blonde... enjoy!)

you don’t think anything bad would happen. at least, not while sitting in a circle playing extreme truth or dare with a bunch of people from your major and the frat boys who decide to join in the heat of the moment.

but your guesses are proven wrong when you spot jeon woong take a seat directly opposite you, raking a hand through his tousled blonde hair, letting out a small chuckle as he bumps shoulders with another guy beside him. “not too late, am i?” he asks, downing a shot and looking around. “i’ll go then. shoot.”

the game took a different twist — whenever there was a truth you would get whispered a question and you’d have to answer it out loud, like in burning bridges. everyone had understood this rule beforehand, so when woong finally looks back to the circle after choosing dare, all eyes are on him, anticipating a name.

“y/n, probably,” one end of his mouth curls up to form a smirk. he gets cheers and hollering, and then everyone is looking at you. “no, screw that rock paper scissors to know the question,” he brushes you off when you hold your hands out. “i just got asked who i’d take back to my dorm tonight if i had a choice.”

you only give him a small, sly smile, and then the circle is in a chaos again. for the rest of the game you don’t really pay attention to what’s happening, because you constantly find woong looking at you — dark eyes scanning you up and down. when you felt a little bold you play along with it, raising an eyebrow at him, only to get a knowing smirk in return. the tension in the air was killing you, and you could tell he wanted to get out of the circle just as much you did.

when it’s your turn to play, it’s bad luck on you, immediately obliged to choose a dare because two people before you chose to answer truths. not knowing where the braveness came from, you accept the outcome with no hesitation.

“since you both have been giving each other looks since the first truth, i dare you to play seven minutes in heaven with woong,” and everyone in that circle gasps.

you meet woong’s glinting eyes, his tongue swiping over his bottom lip. “seven minutes? just make it unlimited, dude. he can’t do anything with seven minutes,” someone in the circle retorts, and people are agreeing. woong only gets up and stands before you, offering his hand.

“come on, seven minutes or not, i don’t want to waste any more time here,” he tells you, and you take his hand, up on your feet. as you walk away from the circle, all you hear are college students whistling and clapping behind you. everything is a blur as he drags you behind him, hand tightly holding onto yours. he takes you upstairs, and into a room tucked away at the end of the corridor.

as soon as you hear the door lock, your back is pinned against the wall and he’s merely inches away from you, one hand placed beside your head. he waits for a moment, gazing right at you, before his eyes land on your lips, covering them with his and roughly kissing you.

you’re quick to get rid of the denim jacket loosely covering his frame, and your dress clinging onto your body is easily peeled off right after. lips still locked, he guides you to the queen-sized bed, letting you fall on it and hovering over you. “god, i’d do so many things to you,” he admits as his mouth finds your collarbone, his hot mouth ghosting around the area. “but if someone’s gonna barge in on us after the seven minutes end…”

you fist a handful of his t-shirt, bringing him back up to kiss him. when you pull away, you graze your thumb on his bottom lip, your finger then trailing down to trace his jaw and his throat, hooking it on the thin chain hanging around his neck.. “ah, to hell with the seven minutes,” you bat your lashes. “just fuck me.”

in no time, your lingerie is discarded, and you’re bare naked sitting in front of him. woong pushes you until your back hits the pillows, holding your wrists down as he trails kisses down your torso, little bite marks decorating your hips and your inner thighs.

you squirm and try to slither out of his grip, but he’s back to kissing you, pinning your hands on the headboard. “come on, buttercup, be a good one for me,” he mumbles against your lips, one hand reaching down to rub at your core. you let out a sigh and whimper as you meet his eyes again, your lips parting when he quickly picks up the pace. “don’t touch yourself or i’ll keep you like this for as long as i want.”

you whine and purse your mouth into a tight line, feeling his digits press into you as he moves down. you’re wet and he’s amused, evident in the way he looks up at you and lets out a rather satisfied chuckle, his thumb drawing circles at your bud. woong pulls his bottom lip into his mouth when you jerk, knowing he’s found your spot, judging from the way you let out a moan and your eyes shut tight. he continues hitting it, until you’re a wailing mess, hands balled up into fists to control yourself from stimulating yourself further.

but then he stops, looks at you, presses a kiss to your bud. “fuck yourself on my fingers until you cum–” it makes your toes curl, “–and maybe tell the whole frat house who’s making you feel so good while you’re at it, baby.”

and you obey, taking in every word he says, sitting up and positioning yourself until it’s easy enough for you to grind against and ride your orgasm on his fingers. supporting yourself on your hands behind you, you start moving your hips. you feel woong’s eyes burning your skin, watching your every move, relishing the way your walls clench around his fingers.

your back arches, hands gripping the sheets, his name softly tumbling out of your mouth as your pace starts to get irregular. “ah, ah– woong, woong, please–” you throw your head back, high whines and quiet whimpers eliciting from your lips. “gonna cum, please, your fingers feel so good,” breathlessly, you cum on his fingers, your hands fumbling to find his.

when you open your eyes, you look right into his as you suck on his fingers, causing him to hiss and grip your hip with his free hand, bruising it slightly. “fuck,” he curses, pulling his fingers out and kissing you, “lay back.”

you don’t argue, watching as he pulls the t-shirt above his head and unzip his jeans, revealing the tent in his boxers. when he pulls that off as well, you have to control yourself when you see him vulgarly spit on his palm and stroke himself, giving his cock a few quick pumps.

woong reaches over to the drawer to pull out a condom (and you don’t even question it, considering it’s a frat house and god knows how many people have had a one night stand in this same room), ripping it with his teeth and rolling it on. he lines himself up with your entrance, connecting your lips together again as he pushes in.

“fuck, y/n,” his lips press kisses on your bare shoulder, his hands tightly gripping your waist as he thrusts into you. you cross your arms around his neck, forearms resting on his shoulders, abrupt gasps coming from you. woong goes faster, causing you to dig your nails into his back, letting out a clear and high sound halfway between a moan and a whimper.

he makes you see stars, too immersed in the way he makes your stomach coil and twist into tight knots, your head practically spinning in pleasure. he kisses you in desperation, moaning into your mouth, hands finding yours, lips marking you up like a holy grail.

“god, fuck, you’re so good for me,” he praises, and it makes you groan, taking it in like the good, obedient one you are, letting him bask in the noises that leave your lips. “so good, so good for me, baby,” his hand comes out again to touch you, overstimulating you and riling you up even more.

you cry out and cling onto him, and it must tell him that you’re close to your climax, because he thrusts into you faster than before, causing you to shriek and let out a long moan. you’re shaking and your whole body seizes, your chest heaving as you catch your breath, your grip on his shoulders loosening.

woong pulls out when he cums, letting out a long exhale, collapsing above you. he lazily peppers your skin with soft kisses, his hands gently stroking and squeezing your sides. you tangle your fingers in his hair, too worn out to move, enjoying the attention while it lasts.

“are you going back to the dorm tonight?” you ask him when he’s up on his feet to dispose the condom and clean himself up, stepping back into his boxers. he places your bra and panties on the bed, and you slip them on almost immediately, suddenly getting a little shy. he climbs back into bed, anyway.

“the dorm? just stay here with me till morning,” he pulls you back until your back is pressed against his chest. “what, do you want to leave that bad? i thought this was more than a one night stand,” he snickers.

you turn to face him, blinking at him. “i thought all you did were one night stands, frat boy,” you frown, “frat boy.”

woong tuts. “frat boys are humans who have feelings too!” he rolls his eyes, pulling you closer. “are you going back to your dorm tonight, then?”

“no, ‘course not,” you tell him, your eyes already drooping. “not everyday a frat boy tells me to stay with him till morning, is it?”

he kisses you square on the lips. “okay, well,” he pauses. “i’m going to be the only frat boy who tells you to stay with him till morning–” he breathes, “–because no one else is going to dare to try to get you after this.”

you blow a raspberry. “we fucked once and you’re this possessive,” you retort. “next thing i know, you’re going to pretend this never happened when i see you at the next frat party.

“who said?” he opens one eye to look at you. “i’ll have you know that i’ll go the next party with you, sweetheart.”

[loyalflutist]

Summoning Ritual (F!Byleth x Edelgard)

Rating: General Audience Archive Warning: N/A Words: 2,066 Summary:  The time has come when they must summon their professors. Edelgard is nervous, but it appears that luck may be on her side... 

A/N: It started with a BS idea. Now it became a BS one shot. Just thinking about the Fate series concept of Master-Servant. Enjoy this random drabble! Am hoping to work on a Fate/Three Houses crossover series soon for comedy. (Comedy to an extent, of course.)

---

Here at the Officer’s Academy, something magical has happened. Various students from all three Houses stood in their classroom, their eyes all aimed at their house leaders.

Dimitri from the Blue Lions.

Claude from the Golden Deer.

Edelgard from the Black Eagles.

Three of the royal members of their family are in full preparation for what is to come. They cannot miss a single item on their checklist. Should they fail to do so, their efforts would be all for naught. Their classmates showered them with praises, luck, prayers, and even a snack for the long, arduous process.

“I wish you the best of luck, Lady Edelgard,” Hubert bowed his head, hand placed on his chest. “I have great faith in you.”

“You got this! If anything, I’ll be punching good vibes to your way!” Caspar nodded. As if to emphasize his encouragement, he began jabbing at the air. It would have continued had it not been for Linhardt slapping one of his flurried hands with a flick of his wrist.

“If there is anyone that can do it, it’s you, Edelgard,” Ferdinand tilted his head. “I know that for a fact.”

“Edie, make sure to take your time. It would be bad if the ritual failed because you were in a rush,” Dorothea handed her a small bag of… charcoaled cookies. (Edelgard is currently suppressing a mortified expression.) “I’m sorry these are a little burnt, but I’m sure these will give you energy!”

“I will be a here, praying for your safe return,” Petra bowed in a similar fashion as Hubert. “I heard this ritual is something of a tradition in this monastery.”

“I think the archbishop is just lazy to recruit new professors.”

“Linhardt!” Bernadetta swung her head towards him. “H-How could you say that!?”

He shrugged. “Why do you think this is the first year she proposed this idea?”

“W-W-Well, she might not want to come out of her room!”

“She’s not you, Bernedetta…”

“You’ve always got a sharp tongue, Linhardt.”

“Aren’t you one to say, Hubert.”

The noble scratched her cheek, beads of sweat flying out of her head. Her comrades and classmates were lively. Although Edelgard’s heart is racing, a small wave of nausea pulsed within her stomach, and her fingers were trembling, they soothed her shaken soul. She licked the bottom of her lip and gave a small huff.

“Thank you, everyone, for your kind words. I must now be off.”

Everyone in the Black Eagles waved their farewells as she turned her back towards them. When she took a step out of the lecture room, Claude and Dimitri both exited at the same time. The three paused in their place. They exchanged looks.

“Isn’t this a coincidence,” Claude placed both hands behind his head. His signature smile flashed at his rivals. “You both ready for this?”

“Of course,” Edelgard placed a hand on her hip. “I will be sure to summon a professor worthy to teach our house.”

“Likewise,” Dimitri faintly smiled. “It would be nice to have a professor who can lead our house to victory in the upcoming festival.”

“Isn’t that too far away, though?” the Golden Deer’s house leader mused. “We still have more than half a year to go.”

“It’s never too early to think ahead.”

“I agree with Dimitri.”

“If you both say so… I’ll just sit back and watch you both go at it.”

The other two leaders chuckled as they proceeded to walk towards the holy ground. It was not far and took less than five minutes by foot. However, each step brought them closer to an important ground. In their hands were the necessary ingredients for the archaic ritual. They gulped. One misstep and it’s all over for their house. The last thing they would want is to be stuck with a horrific instructor for the rest of their school life.

“Welcome, my children,” Rhea greeted them once they’ve arrived. As they got to their destined spot, the holy maiden graced her hands at the marked flooring before them. Black inked patterns drawn within the circle were scrawled all over the pristine surface. She let out a small exhale. “This is the first time in the history of Fodlan and the Officer’s Academy to conduct this ritual. It is a summoning ritual that will call forth not only your professor but your Servant too. This is an important role of a new Master.”

Right… Servant and Master. They were terminologies that were vaguely touched upon in this country. Apparently, they were from a famous magical war called the “Holy Grail War” in a land called “Japan.” Not that the citizens of Fodlan would know. The reason why Rhea decided to pursue this was due to the ease of access to the houses’ mentors. It would save her plenty of time to search for a suitable teacher. Based on the house leader’s personality, they would be likely matched with a Servant of a similar attitude. Plus, since these students are trained for battle, a Servant’s battle status is beneficial to teaching them the ropes with their potent abilities. There is also the limited time of when a Servant can stay with their Master. Until their Master either dies, chooses to free them, or finishes their schooling, the Servant is stuck by the house leader’s side.

Alas, it is simple on paper though! Physical and mental fortitude are required to make this a reality. Otherwise, a disappointing result will shortly follow.

“Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd.”

“Guess I’m the first one up…”

The blonde stepped forward. He walked up to the magic circle and began to place the necessary items. He spoke of incantations for the ritual.

Manuela came to him.

“Claude von Riegan.”

The brown-haired stepped forward. He walked up to the magic circle and began to place the necessary items. He spoke of incantations for the ritual.

Hanneman came to him.

“Edelgard von Hresvelg.”

The white-haired stepped forward. She walked up to the magic circle and began to place the necessary items.

Her heart thumped hard; she could hear it from her eardrums! A piece of green fabric. A pile of salt. A small stone from ancient times. A small vial of blood from an eagle poured upon the marked crest. Edelgard backed away and watched the circle begin to faintly glow. She closed her eyes. Darkness enveloped her vision as she deeply inhaled.

‘ Focus, El, focus! ‘

She touched upon her bloodline’s Crest of Seiros and extended her opened hand at the markings. One hand holding the outreached arm, the noble began to chant an incantation for the ritual.

“Let silver and steel be the essence. Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation Let red the color I pay tribute to Let my great Master Hresvelg be the ancestor Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall Let the four cardinal gates close Let the three-forked road from the crown reaching unto the Kingdom rotate.

I hereby declare Your body shall serve under me My fate shall be your sword Submit to the beckoning of the Church of Seiros If you will submit to this will and this reason… Then answer!

An oath shall be sworn here! I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell!”

A searing burn spread on the back of her right hand. It was as if someone pierced the skin with an iron knife! She immediately grimaced; her eyes narrowed as she felt a huge gust of wind blow in her direction. Just like Dimitri and Claude, a gust of wind whipped against her. This time, she was the direct target of the powerful blow. Edelgard’s knees bent at the immense pressure. Still, she maintained her stance and bit back a yelp.

The whole room became bright red. It was bright enough that everyone was forced to shut their eyes. Unlike Dimitri’s light blue and Claude’s golden yellow, their eyes instinctively avoided hazardous exposure.

“…?”

No one was there at the magic circle. All of the items were left untouched on the floor.

“…”

Did she fail? Even Rhea was a bit perplexed at the sight. The archbishop slowly examined the quiet premise. Aside from Manuela and Hanneman, no other professor showed up. Claude and Dimitri exchanged nervous glances as Edelgard felt her shoulders slump.

“Did I fail?”

“Edelgard…”

Dimitri started to approach her. He reached out towards her shoulder and eventually gave it a gentle pat.

“I’m so sorry.”

Edelgard hardly heeded any attention to him. She brought her right hand up. The burning sensation now throbbed, its red marking resembling an unknown crest fading into a black tattoo. Was it even possible to fail with the Command Seals still intact?

Shortly after that train of thought, a loud crash came from deep inside the holy ground. It shook the ground beneath their feet, all four present members nearly losing their balance. They were alarmed.

“Is that an intruder?!” Claude immediately pulled out his bow. “What an unlucky timing!”

Edelgard and Dimitri followed suit and unsheathed their weapon of choice. Rhea backed away as the three students and two Servants ran to the source.

It was surreal.

A teal-haired woman sat on a pile of rubble. The abnormal hole that cracked through the decorated ceiling shone the sun’s ray upon the newcomer. It was as if it were a beacon of light from the heavens above. Bits of debris crumbled upon the resting figure. An archaic sword at hand, the young adult raised her head.

‘ She looks like a queen… ‘ Edelgard widened her eyes. ‘ She’s beautiful. ‘

“…”

It took a bit of time until she broke their silence by standing. This made the three students gasp as both Hanneman and Manuela moved in front of them. Respectively Casters, they raised their hands in preparation. Not that they needed to. The unknown female walked up to one of the students nearest to her: Edelgard.

“Tell me,” she softly spoke. “Are you my Master?”

“Um— Y-Yes. Yes, I’m your Master.” Edelgard scrambled for words as she felt a flash of heat run into her head. “I’m Edelgard von Hresvelg.”

The Servant blinked. Then, she cracked a small smile. (Unironically, Edelgard's heart skipped a beat! The smile was so pretty!)

“I am Byleth of the Saber Class.” As if out of a fairytale, Byleth reached out to grab ahold of Edelgard’s unoccupied hand. She got down to one knee and, as a knight, looked up to the house leader. “I will teach and protect you with my life.”

A blast of heat blew out of Edelgard’s ears as she began to open her mouth like a fish deprived of water.

“I-I— Yes! YES! Um— I mean… it would… be a pleasure having you as my queen-- I... I mean, Servant.”

She could not help but let out an additional comment afterward. This time, she didn’t mean to let it slip out.

“You’re so beautiful though.”

Byleth blinked. That caused Edelgard to immediately regret the sudden words that flew out of her lips. She dropped her axe and concealed her mouth, her pupils looking anywhere but the teacher’s face. This caused a chuckle to come from the older female. She squeezed Edelgard’s hand.

“Thank you for the compliment. I am happy to serve someone who is even more beautiful than I.”

That’s it, that did it for Edelgard. The Black Eagles’s house leader felt a mini-mushroom explosion occur on top of her head. This caused the Saber class to raise both brows when her Master became beet red.

Meanwhile, Dimitri and Claude squinted their eyes.

“What the Hell?” Claude mumbled. “Why did she get the hot one?”

“I’m impressed, Edelgard,” Dimitri crossed his arms. “I didn’t think you would summon someone like her…”

“Just... damn, just look at her. Why did I get an old man?”

“You’re one to talk. I got someone who is much older than Byleth.”

“Hey, at least yours is a woman. Mine is a dude! I’m not into old guys.”

“…I wonder what goes through your mind sometimes, Claude.”

“I’ll be blunt this time: I’m jealous.”

“It appears that this is something we both have in common.”

“I hope you both understand that we can hear you both loud and clear,” Manuela and Hanneman both remarked at the same time, their frowns evident.

[ravenamore]

Fate/Zero light novel readthru and commentary, Vol. 3 Act 9-10

-“Ryūnosuke’s shoulders shook as he sobbed. Caster gently gathered him into his comforting embrace.”

POP HIS HEAD OFF, POP HIS HEAD RIGHT OFF

- “In the end I was not eliminated by God, but by men who had endless desires, like me. The Church and King decided that I was guilty, captured and executed me. But all they wanted was my wealth and my land; they simply drew me into a trap to make those things their own. That was not punishment for my sins! That was nothing more than blatant robbery!”

DUDE, YOU WERE CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF RAPING, TORTURING AND KILLING LITTLE BOYS. STFU.

- Kiritsugu loves fast food, and hated the haute cuisine of the Einzberns.

- The mutual obsession between Kirei and Kiritsugu, wow.

- “Under normal circumstances, when a person wears a smile he often will infect the people around him, easing the surrounding atmosphere, but by coincidence Kirei was of a personality that was not the sort to like seeing other people smiling; moreover, the smile of the King of Heroes in front of him could only be associated with some unsettling things.”

GIL, TONE THE RAPEFACE DOWN A NOTCH, YOU'RE SCARING THE GUY YOU'RE BASICALLY TRYING TO SEDUCE

As if now more interested in Kirei who had been again granted the holy marks, the scarlet eyes of the King of Heroes shone with the light of pleasure.

- "To pursue, for your own desires. That is the true way of entertainment. Then entertainment will bring pleasure, and pleasure will guide you in the direction of happiness.

The road has been pointed out to you, Kirei. Pointed out extremely clearly to you."

THIS ENTIRE SCENE IS GIL SAYING “TAKE ME NOW, KIREI!” GIL'S A POWER BOTTOM, PROVE ME WRONG

- Irisviel hummed for a while, then suddenly a mischievous smile emerged on her face.

“I’ve suddenly got an idea. We should go to the world’s black market and buy something like the latest tank or bomber; if you get in and drive it, then wouldn't you finish this entire Heaven's Feel with one blow?”

IRI, YOU’RE THINKING TOO SMALL

1. KILL YOUR HUSBAND, CUT HIS HAND OFF, BOOM, YOU GOT SABER'S COMMAND SPELLS

2. HAVE SABER KILL SOLA-UI (DO EVERYONE A FAVOR AND TAKE OUT KAYNETH TOO), CUT HER HAND OFF, BOOM, YOU'VE GOT LANCER'S COMMAND SPELLS, SO YOU CAN GIVE HIM MANA SO HE DOESN'T DIE WHEN SOLA-UI BITES IT.

POINT OUT THAT, SEEING AS YOU ARE TECHNICALLY THE GRAIL, HE JUST ACHIEVED HIS GOAL. WHICH ALSO MEANS HE REALLY DOESN'T HAVE TO KILL SABER.

3. ASK MAIYA IF SHE WANTS TO BLOW THIS POPSICLE STAND WITH YOU ALL, OR, IF THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE WANTS, OFFER TO GIVE HER A LIFT SOMEWHERE.

3. FUCKING RUN EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE OVER. TURN FUYUKI CITY INTO A PARKING LOT. (SORRY SHIROU, RIN, TAIGA AND SAKURA, IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE)

4. RAM A WALL IN EINZBERN CASTLE, GET ILYA

5. GET THE FUCK OUT OF JAPAN, GO TO MONACO WITH YOUR NEW FAMILY AND BECOME A FORMULA ONE RACER OR SOMETHING. YOU CAN ALL BE HAPPY NOW THE END.

I KNOW THERE ARE HOLES IN THE PLAN, BUT, TRUST ME, IT'S BETTER THAN WHAT'S COMING UP

- “Oooh! I found you I found you! Such a short dude hiding between the shelves really can’t be seen by anyone, and is so bothersome to find.”

DON'T FEEL BAD, WAVER, MY HUSBAND LOSES ME IN BOOKSTORES B/C I'M SHORT TOO

- Half way through his sentence, Waver suddenly discovered that the large paper bag in Rider’s hand was too enormous as packaging for just one software disc. He immediately realised that this King of Conquerors bought the console as well.

LOCAL GAMESTOP'S ECSTATIC B/C HE PREORDERED EVERYTHING COMING UP, TOO.

ACT 10

- “Caster is at the depths of that massive meat. Well, what should we do?”

BREAK OUT THE BBQ SAUCE?

- 11th mention of Diarmuid's attractiveness.

- ““If this is a monster film, we are surely the roles which will be killed. The underdogs from Ultraman.”

WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE A RED SHIRT, BUT CAN'T DO A THING ABOUT IT

- Tokiomi, you are the biggest wuss, ever. Your 7 year old is braver than you - she hears her friend’s vanished, she just decided she was going to find her.

You're too chicken to use your Command Spells. Gil doesn't buy your ass-kissing anymore, no wonder he's cheating on you.

- “Numerous thick and robust web-like extensions stretched out from the surface of the meat lump on the river and entangled Kobayashi's craft, forcibly dragging the plane down despite the turbofan engine's thrust. Such a scene can only be called a nightmare.

The plane didn’t explode when it smashed into the meat lump. The F15, reduced into scrap iron, sank deeply into the gigantic primeval creature and was swallowed with not a single fragment left.”

THIS HAS GOTTEN LOVECRAFTIAN. H. R. GEIGER WON'T EVEN PAINT THIS SHIT.

-The pilot, who'd already literally gone insane, just dies of horror when Berserker lands on the plane.

- “The thick evening mist enveloped the icy air as Tōsaka Tokiomi descended from the sky.

For a proficient magus, a controlled descent through manipulating mass and air currents is nothing too difficult. Or perhaps it should be said that the degree of proficiency is determined by the elegance of its execution.

Maintaining an absolutely vertical and straight path, landing as lightly as feather with his clothes and hair completely unruffled － an ordinary magus would definitely give a heartfelt praise upon seeing such an exemplary and skilled move like Tokiomi's.”

HE'S PROBABLY THINKING HE LOOKS LIKE MAGNETO

- What's grosser, tentacle monsters that eat planes, or magic worms slowly eating their host?

- Thank you, Kiritsugu, for killing Ryūnosuke, possibly the one decent action you've taken so far.

- “Based on Tōsaka Tokiomi’s standards, this is too crude to be called a battle of magecraft - it was nothing but a comical farce.”

SEEING AS YOU COULD HAVE JUST FARTED HARD AND KILLED KARIYA, YEAH.

- I am wondering if the idiots I've seen on Tumblr call Diarmuid an incel have missed that the second he learns Saber can nuke Caster's monster, he breaks Gae Buidhe to restore her left hand's strength?

- Even though he’s totally psycho, Caster seeing Jeanne before he died (in the anime, she’s offering him her hand)was pretty heartbreaking.

- “Different from the King of Conqueror’s fully melancholic expression, the golden Servant’s smile was immeasurably obscene and did not hide his dirty desires at all.”

ALEXANDER'S GOING TO PUNCH YOU RIGHT IN YOUR RAPEFACE, GIL.

- He had a flashback to Enkidu's death, him weeping in his arms because Gil would be all alone. Ow.

- You know, If Tokiomi had thought about it, he should have tried to have Kirei summon Enkidu, just to keep Gil's ass in line.

[demialwrites]

A Servant, In Every Sense of the Word

You hopped in place, grinning and clapping your hands like you won the lottery. You had summoned the powerful servant, Gilgamesh. The fog had cleared only halfway but there was no mistaking the spiked hair and proud, broad shoulders from his gold armour. His eyes will equally fogged, having just gained form and had information about this point in time downloaded into his brain.

Once the fog cleared, he lifted his red-eyed gaze to you and grinned. He thought because he had been summoned, he was in for some entertainment.

"You may be my master in title," Gilgamesh began, "but let me set one thing straight. I am the one true king. None stand above me. Only below-"

His impressively, gaudy, gold armour clinked as he stepped forward. Before he could place his foot down, or even before he could finish his sentence, two pairs of thick chains encircled his body and embedded themselves in the concrete floor. The mild frown and open mouth remained for a split second before he snarled and struggled against the restraints. The metal scraped against metal, but the chains held. In fact, they pulled tighter.

"How dare you!" he yelled.

The shock and rage were beautiful on his face. The naked rage in his wide eyes and the shock stretching his mouth open as he yelled at you further. Ranting about who he was and how well below him you were, you might as well be a bug underfoot. Not that he could raise his foot right now.

You stepped closer and his warm breath blasted you in the face. You bathed yourself in his deep, commanding voice, knowing that it had inspired his people and kept them in line while he was truly alive.

Just how does a man with this cute of a pug nose have that much power? you thought to yourself, booping it.

He gasped in horror.

"How dare you touch me...! Just who do you think you are?"

"My family name is Emiya." You beamed.

His eyebrows rose. You proudly explained that you had improved on your grandfather's replication magic. Gilgamesh was being held by a perfect replica of his own Chains of Heaven.

He did not appreciate that.

Gilgamesh kept ranting as you observed him. Such passion. Incredibly sexy. The chains rattled as he shook them, commanding you to immediately release him. He was even prevented from dematerializing.

You checked your phone. He actually ranted for half an hour before demanding you answer for your crimes. Which were restraining him against his will, ignoring his commands, staring at him for too long, and daring lay a finger on his royal face.

"As your master--and hear me out before you bark at me again--I thought you should actually be the servant in this relationship. And," you closed in until your nose was two inches from his, "I can convince you."

His opened his mouth to retort. Then stopped. He squinted at you for a moment.

He smirked.

"No one can bend my will. No one. Not since I was born. Mongrel."

His nose rose, total confidence in everything he just said.

"Is that a dare...?"

"Do your worst, Weak Little Mage."

You smiled back.

"I love your voice. But you talk too much."

Gilgamesh did you a favour by opening his mouth to reply. You promptly stuffed a rag in his mouth. A permanently-greyed rag normally used to wipe your toilet seat and kitchen counter. It was as clean as you could get it, but obviously worn and obviously not fit for a king. You grinned.

His shining pauldrons bobbed with chest breaths as he steamed. He was glaring murder at you, his red eyes darkening to the hue of blood. Your smile was the reply. You disappeared downward, crouching in front of his stomach area. He deigned to dip his chin and lower his proud nose to look down at what you were doing.

It took some fiddling, but you removed the plate covering his crotch. You glanced up to find him, of course, glaring at you as if his pupils could be his Gate of Babylon and weapons could fly out and pin you to the floor.

You flashed him a grin. He could not harm you one bit. His rage faded and he attempted a sneer, flashing his teeth sunken in the rag.

You snorted at the white loincloth covering his majesty's junk. It was lined with a thick stripe of gold and intricately wrapped, but still a loincloth. He let his gaze wander the room, feigning boredom while you slipped something bullet-shaped into the front of the cloth. You're not the first one to try to seduce him.

"Nope." You booped his nose again to stop him from ignoring you.

His red eyes flicked to yours with the annoyance one gives a fly. Locking gazes with him, you leaned close enough to reach around to his tush and squeezed a firm cheek. He jolted, lifting a corner of his mouth to bare a canine.

Your fingers wandered over to the clenched hole to give it a testing caress. Gilgamesh growled.

"I thought you could handle it."

He pouted stubbornly. Next, you lubed your fingers and massaged the tight ring of muscle open. You prepped him slowly, him switching between trying to ignore you and staring you down.

What he didn't know was that a remote-controlled vibrator was inserted into the dildo to match the one you had put in the front of his loincloth earlier. Gilgamesh glared at the remote when you pulled it out and held it up for him to see. His eyes followed your thumb as you moved it over to press the + button to turn the vibrators on to the first setting, starting a buzz in his ass and against his cock.

His jaw tensed.

You pushed his limit, pressing the + button to increase the intensity. His limit was a surprise, with him maintaining composure until his mouth suddenly stretched wide with a severely muffled moan.

He actually trembled, rattling the chains. You put your finger to your chin thoughtfully, watching him rage anew over being affected so much. All the energy he was putting into resisting made you tingle with delight over leaving him here to suffer alone.

You left him chained up in your basement for two days and two nights. Servants don't require anything to exist besides the mana you were supplying and plus, you were certain he would have bragged about his longevity had you given him the chance.

When you checked on him, the vibrators' batteries had run out hours ago. Gilgamesh had finally stopped twitching. His cheeks were two red blotches. Sweat dripped from his chin at regular intervals onto his chest plate.

Gilgamesh's eyes were back to the fogged state they arrived in. His blonde hair was plastered to his head and sticking out in various directions. He took one deep sigh, then sagged, vaguely acknowledging your presence. Before you made the chains retract, you carefully removed his other pieces of armour, letting them fall to the floor with tinny clacks.

"I didn't expect such a strong servant to be such a twig." You ran your palm down his stomach and gently pinched his thigh. His leg jumped. "Such lean meat."

"It's over, Poor Baby," you told him.

The chains pulled away from the floor and disappeared, leaving behind dry, crumbled holes. Gilgamesh landed on his feet, swaying and using his remaining scraps of energy and pride to stay upright.

You put your open palm under his chin to help steady him. He groaned quietly and settled this head there. His eyes closed.

"Good boy," you gently praised. With your other hand, you wrapped a smartly red leather collar around his neck. "Only the softest for my new baby."

You let go of his chin and he let his forehead drop to your shoulder. You sniffed.

"Wow, let's get you a bath."

Holding the back of his head in place, you hooked a matching red leash to the O ring of the collar. You led him upstairs to where a hot bath was waiting, with a lavender bath bomb thrown in. It was slow going up the stairs but he never slipped, still clinging his stubborn pride.

You took good care of your new servant, giving him a bath, combing his hair, and putting him into a pair of warm pajamas. Showing him it was okay to rely on you and take your direction in the current Holy Grail War. To your surprise, he leaned into being submissive and even enjoyed it. Pretty soon, he was your loyal pet.

"Keep your eyes to yourself," he would tell the other servants. "No one is worthy of gazing upon my master except me."

[cwartsyswritingblog]

It’s the Thought That Counts: Part Two.

Baxter still thought Alastor was being absurd but he did try to get some sleep for his partner. He found it just as difficult as he had before. Despite being very tired. Every time he got close to achieving some form of rest, a terribly timed coughing fit woke him up again. Still he kept trying. That is until he started coughing up blood. 

Oh dear. This was a sign that his illness might be a bit worse than he thought. He notified Molly immediately in the form of a text message but wasn’t sure when she would receive it. The time on his phone read half past six. Alastor had been gone for nearly an hour, where could he be? Molly was likely to be asleep for the next half hour. He could phone her but Baxter didn’t think it was that urgent. He’d live to see seven AM. And despite really wanting to, he wasn’t going to phone Alastor either. Knowing that his partner was coughing up blood would only frighten him.

Baxter was feeling frightened himself. As irrational and foolish as that was. He knew what was wrong with him. He knew it wasn’t serious. Well, he knew it wasn’t that serious. He knew he’d recover. This was just one of the symptoms for the illness he had. He had known coughing up blood was a possibility, he had been half expecting it to happen. So why was he feeling so scared? Baxter didn’t know but after coughing up blood, he had to settle for pretending he had gotten some sleep when his partner finally came back.

Alastor couldn’t have been gone for more than another half hour. But to Baxter, it felt like an it eternity. He had spent the whole time prepared for Alastor’s return, which he had expected to be at any moment. Lying in wait with his back turned to the door to hide the fact that he wasn’t asleep. Knowing his partner, Alastor would probably just appear in the room without so much as a sound. Baxter was right of course. He didn’t even know Alastor was back until he wondered why the air suddenly carried a scent of sausages and bacon. He kept his relief hidden from Alastor as well as he had hidden the blood stained tissues he had accumulated since Alastor’s absence. This was made easy when Baxter saw Alastor.

Alastor was not a man who half did things. Everything he did was over the top and eccentric and if anything was proof of that now, it was the tray full of food he was carrying and the additional shopping bags hanging from his arms.

“I thought I’d get us some breakfast.” He announced.

“I should think that’s for both of us.” Baxter said with a smile that, thanks to Alastor’s lovable eccentricity, was actually genuine, “I don’t even think I could eat a quarter of all that.“

“Well sorry.” Alastor teased, “But I think you need more than two slices of toast  to start the day.”

“So that’s why you keep showing up with food at my workplace every time I choose that for breakfast.” Baxter said, “The question is, how do you know?”

Alastor flashed Baxter an utterly shameless smile and said, “Sources.”

Baxter groaned at Alastor and his stalkerish behaviour which was really, too well meaning for him to be even slightly annoyed at.

“Just let me out of this blanket trap, will you?” he sighed, “I need to use the bathroom.”

With a snap of Alastor’s fingers, Baxter was free again. What he told Alastor was true enough. But the main reason he was heading to the bathroom was to dispose of the bloody tissues he had hidden up his sleeve. Undoubtedly, the only thing that kept Alastor from smelling the blood on them was the stronger smell of the cooked food. That wouldn’t last so down the toilet the tissues went. Baxter knew doing this would only delay the inevitable. But that was precisely Baxter’s goal. He didn’t want Alastor to know he was coughing up blood until Molly came with confirmed assurance that he was going to be alright.

He went back to the main room to find that Alastor had set the tray down on the bed. Now Baxter could see what Alastor had prepared. He really had gone all out. Full English breakfasts with black pudding, baked beans and everything.

“Alastor, you’ll never cease to surprise me.” was all he could think to say.

“Never intend to.” Alastor said smugly, “Where would be the fun in that?”

“How did you get black pudding?” Baxter asked him, “I didn’t think it was sold anywhere near here.”.

“I have my ways.” Alastor shrugged.

“Alastor.” Baxter queried, “You didn’t go up to the surface for this, did you?”

“No.” Alastor said. Sounding intentionally unconvincing.

“Alastor.” Baxter objected, “We’re not supposed to go up to the surface unless you have an important reason.”

“You don’t seem to be mad about it.” Alastor pointed out.

“I’m not.” Baxter said

“So you appreciate it really.” Alastor declared.

“Of course I do.” Baxter said, giving Alastor a kiss to prove it, “I just don’t want you getting into trouble for me.”

“I was careful.” Alastor assured, “I’ve been up there a thousand times without Charlie or the surface dwellers being any the wiser. And what’s the worst that could happen even if I was caught? Charlie would just give me a slap on the wrist and you know no mortal could lay a scratch on me.”

“It could affect us all if any of us gets caught.” Baxter lectured, “Just promise me you won’t get cocky, alright?”

“Promise.” Alastor vowed.

“I can’t believe you made all of this for me.” Baxter said, turning the discussion back to how amazed he was at Alastor’s latest grand gesture.

“I thought I’d make you something homely” Alastor said “and I thought I’d try something you might have enjoyed when you were alive”

“What a sweet thought.” Baxter praised. Smiling as he thought of Alastor preparing all this, thinking that it might bring back good memories. Of taverns in early mornings or eating heartily for busy days or simply enjoying life. “But to be honest with you, Alastor. I didn’t really eat meals like this when I was alive.”

“Really?” Baxter felt bad when he heard the slight disappointment in Alastor’s voice.

“Only the wealthy could afford to eat these things on a regular basis in my time.” Baxter explained, “I’m not sure when a meal like this became readily available to everyone but it certainly wasn’t my time.”

Baxter was saying this to be honest, not to put Alastor down. So to avoid doing that, he kept being honest.

“Not that any of that matters,” he praised, “I love all the effort you put into this. Thank you,”

And then he gave him another kiss.

“This is really impressive, Alastor.” Baxter declared. Now the time for honesty was well and truly over. So he made sure he came across as purely interested and not at all nervous when he asked, “Did you cook it all by yourself?”

“God no. Nifty helped me cook it.” Alastor told him as if he could read his mind, “I wasn’t going to tackle this by myself. You’re ill enough as it is.”

Baxter did his best to conceal the wave of relief that washed over him when Alastor said that. “You’re not that bad a cook.” he lied, knowing full well he was.

Baxter was not one to focus primarily on his partner’s flaws. But even he had to acknowledge it was a miracle Alastor’s coking hadn’t killed anyone yet.

He was still a little nervous to eat the breakfast Alastor had made but he didn’t care. Alastor had cooked this especially for him and Baxter was going to eat all of it. Even if it did kill him. But when he started eating, Baxter was pleasantly surprised. It turned out that with the right amount of help and motivation, Alastor could cook a meal that was actually edible. Enjoyable even.

“This is great.” He complemented to a righteously proud looking Alastor, “Well done, you.”

Baxter ate nearly everything on his plate with an appetite he hardly ever had. He even started eating the black pudding. Baxter had never found what was basically dried pigs blood appealing but there was no way in hell he was telling Alastor that.

“You don’t seem to be enjoying that.” Alastor observed.

“Oh, no. It’s fine.” Baxter insisted. 

Alastor gave Baxter a little peck on the cheek and naturally, Baxter gazed into his eyes.  A classic Mistake.

“Now be honest.” Alastor commanded.

Damn it. Baxter fell for that every time. Under Alastor’s spell, he couldn’t stop himself from telling him that he never really liked black pudding but didn’t want to say, because Alastor had gone through so much trouble to get it for him.

“You little sweetheart.” Alastor smiled, caressing Baxter’s cheek. “It’s Okay. You appreciate that I got it. That’s all I need.”

“Still, I feel guilty about it going to waste.” Baxter admitted.

"That might not be so.” Alastor said brightly, “I haven’t tried it yet”.

He popped a piece of black pudding into his mouth and when he did, it was magic for Baxter to see. Alastor looked like he had discovered the holy grail. His eyes lit up and he started chewing very slowly. Savouring the flavour of every bite.

“Where has this stuff been all my life?” he breathed as if his breath had been taken away.

Seeing Alastor enjoying it so much cheered Baxter right up. “Now I know what to treat you with next time you fall ill.” he laughed, “Here, have mine.“

He scraped his black pudding onto Alastor’s plate with his knife and it didn’t stay there very long. With the last of the breakfasts eaten, Alastor took the tray away. He searched around for a place to put it before deciding on Baxter’s desk. By placing it there, Baxter could guess that he planned to take it back to the kitchen later rather than sooner. He seemed to be focused on something else at the moment.

"Speaking of treats.” he said, “Guess what else I got for you?”

“I couldn’t possibly Imagine.” Baxter teased. He could help loving this. Being Alastor’s top priority.

“I think you’ll find that I was a bit more accurate when choosing things you like this time.” Alastor said as he presented Baxter with one of the shopping bags. 

It turned out to be full of fruit and sweets and accuracy wasn’t even the word when it came to Alastor’s choices here.

“You remembered all my favourites.” Baxter said completely sappy with sentimentality.

The bag was bursting with strawberries, blackberries, cherries, pomegranates, grapes of every kind and sweets straight out of Baxter’s childhood. Pear drops, liquorice allsorts and every Cadbury’s chocolate bar in existence. Including ones Baxter had no idea existed.

I haven’t had some of these since I was alive.” he said astounded. He was so wrapped up in the past he almost said “when I was a boy.” But who on earth stops eating chocolate when they reach adulthood. “You must have put so much thought into this.”

“It was nothing really.” Alastor shrugged, “Choosing a bag of goodies for you was easy. I may not know every detail about you but I know you well enough.”

Baxter chortled as soon as those last few words entered his mind. That had to be sarcastic. 

“You don’t know everything about me?” he responded with a raised eyebrow and a huge grin, “Alastor, my love. I know for a fact that’s a damn lie.”

He grabbed his wonderful partner’s face and caresses it with both hands.

“You’re my personal stalker and I love it. Well, most of the time. I especially love it now. Thank you so much for this, darling.”

Baxter couldn’t think of better to do to show his gratitude than to pelt Alastor with kisses.

The affection was greatly received. Alastor put his arms around Baxter and Baxter put his arms around him. They stayed in that embrace for a golden moment.

It was such a perfect moment. Of course it had to be ruined.

Baxter started coughing again. He had been fighting to keep them at bay the whole time Alastor had been here. He knew he couldn’t keep it up forever but Baxter so wished he had been able to hold out a little bit longer.

Alastor went to retrieve the water, medicine and tissues and was back at his side at once. Ready to provide any support and comfort he could. Baxter took one of the tissues and began coughing into it as he was overcome by an all out fit. All Baxter could do was keep coughing and hope Alastor didn’t notice.

“Why can I smell blood?” Alastor gasped, his voice full of worry and dread.

“The black pudding.” Baxter rasped in a vain attempt to throw Alastor off.

“No. I can smell fresh blood.” Alastor fretted, “Coming from you.”

“Baxter quickly bunched up the tissue he was holding in his hand. Keeping it from Alastor’s sight so that he might have a chance to dispose of it. But Alastor had already identified it as the source of the scent. He grabbed Baxter’s hand, prised it open and his fears were confirmed.

He just looked in horror for a few seconds at the tissue dotted with red. Completely stunned silent.

“Oh, Alastor.” Baxter whispered.

Hearing Baxter’s voice seemed to break Alastor out of his trance. “We’re going to see Molly. Now.” He commanded, tugging Baxter onto his feet.

“Alastor;” Baxter tried to comfort him, or at least reassure him but Alastor cut him off immediately.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Alastor shouted at Baxter, clearly much more upset than angry.

“I didn’t want to frighten you.” Baxter begged, “Please don’t fret so. I’m alright, I assure you. This is just one of the symptoms.”

“I wouldn’t have left you alone if I had known this. I left you all alone.”

“Alastor. Look at me.” Baxter caught hold of Alastor’s face and brought it to his own.

“I am not in danger. The blood is just a symptom of a worse, but not harmful, type of chest infection than I thought I had. That’s all it is. That’s. All. It. Is.” he said to Alastor slowly and clearly so it would break through his panic.

“Then why is it that you look scared too?” Alastor whispered.

Baxter faltered at these words. He hadn’t realised his own fear was showing through. This wasn’t good. There was no way he could keep Alastor calm if he was showing fear as well. But to calm Alastor down, he realised he had to calm himself down first. Regardless of how real it seemed, his fear was completely irrational. And the sooner he got that into his head, the sooner he could get it into Alastor’s.

“Irrational nonsense, that’s why.” Baxter assured, “I know what’s wrong with me and I know I’m going to get better. And look, I’ve already told Molly. See?”

He showed Alastor the message he had sent to her on his phone. “She’s going to check me over, just in case.”

“Then where is she?” Alastor asked.

“That’s a good question.” Baxter admitted as he pondered for and answer, “Ah. Look. It’s still a few minutes shy of seven o'clock. She wakes up for work at the same time as me. She probably hasn’t seen my message yet.

“What good is that?” Alastor exclaimed “How is she supposed to help you if she doesn’t know what’s going on?”

He phoned Molly that instant and told Baxter she was on her way.

[analeoftwocities]

Book Read: Shadow and Bone, Siege and Storm, and Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo @lbardugo

Beer Paired: Bound By Time, Enchantment Under the Sea, and Viridi Rex by Edmund’s Oast Brewing Company 

What We Love Abut the Book 

This trilogy was has been waiting on my TBR list for a long time. It’s the type of series that is right up my alley, and sometimes those books sit on my shelf the longest. I say that because, especially Leigh Bardugo’s books are so highly praised that I’m afraid they won’t live up to my expectations. So, by sitting on my shelf they can stay highly praised and highly anticipated. (I learned this when I read the Hunger Games Series and was thoroughly disappointed…sorry!)

But, I bit the bullet. I couldn’t let The Grisha Trilogy stare at me from my shelf any longer. So, down the rabbit hole I jumped, and I was not disappointed. I really enjoy these books. I won’t say they are my favorite series or even that they are flawless, but I did love being able to jump into a world and follow it through all three books.

There is something so wonderful about a fantasy series that opens a new world to you and engulfs you in it. I love when I am able to binge read a series and totally immerse myself in the world and atmosphere of the book. And, that is exactly what happened in The Grisha Trilogy. It was a lovely escape into an awesome world. It was not a perfect series. The plot has holes, the characters are interesting but somewhat predictable, and the story itself is very troupe-like in the fantasy genre. However, even with all this Leigh Bardugo has created one of those marvelous universes that wraps you up like a cozy blanket on a cold day.

I don’t think these books stand among the fantasy greats like Harry Potter, His Dark Materials, Lord of the Rings, and the Shades of Magic Trilogy , but it is only a step down from those. Shadow and Bone, Siege and Storm, and Ruin and Rising are great reads. The series is easy to read, engaging, unique, and thoughtful. Although they may not the best, The Grisha Trilogy is totally worth the read. Not every book should sit amongst the greats, because then, what makes them great? But, this trilogy by Leigh Bardugo has certainly earned its place on our shelf!

Quick side note: I wasn’t aware before that Bardugo’s other books (Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom, and Language of Thorns) are connected or continue in the same world! Any many readers speak highest of the Six of Crows duology, so I am now super excited to continue reading within the Grishaverse.

Anyway, what I loved the most about these books was the setting. Leigh Bardugo has taken the familiar fantasy story and set it in a world inspired by 1800 Tsarist Russian instead of the usual medieval (or really anytime) Western Europe. This was so refreshing and interesting. I’ll admit I LOVE, I repeat, I LOVE Russian folklore and fairytales. Anything based in that world, immediately has my heart. But, Bardugo was also able to make it her own, and use the 1800 Russia to inform her world, her story, and her characters. I though she was so successful and effective! This aspect of the trilogy was glorious.

Another aspect of the books that I thought was really interesting were the conflicts that Bardugo wrote in. Of course, there’s the usual love triangle story, the story of the ordinary becoming extraordinary, there are quests and fellowships, but there is also class and race conflicts, and even religion plays a role in this book. Bardugo is able to layer many dynamic aspects into the plot, which only makes her books more interesting. On the other hand, I didn’t find her characters to be so dynamic. Most were pretty average, and although relatable, not super interesting. However a few did stand out – Nikolai (Bardugo is writing a book about him as well – King of Scars) and Baghra. Both of these characters felt dynamic and unique beyond the normal.

Like I said before, I really enjoyed this series. It was everything I want in a fantasy series – an amazing world, an interesting, fantastic story, and characters that are easy to fall in love with. And, for those of you not so fond of fantasy, don’t fret! This is not a series about dragons and elves and elves and magic spells (although there is nothing wrong with that). It is a political fantasy about power and social division, about good intentions gone wrong, and what it means to do the right thing. It is the story a meek, overlooked girl, who finds within herself the power to change her war-torn world, for the good or the bad. If you haven’t already read this, check it out! The Grisha Trilogy is an easy-to-read, enjoyable romp in a marvelous fantasy world. Enjoy!

What We Love About the Beer 

Okay, first of all, these beers by Edmund’s Oast Brewing Company are awesome. We have been saving them for a long time, looking for the perfect book to pair each of them with, and when we read Leigh Bardugo’s trilogy Shadow and Bone, Siege and Storm, and Ruin and Rising, was the perfect opportunity. They fit so perfectly because both are out-of-this world, inventive, a worth a try.

The art alone on these beer works perfectly with The Grisha Trilogy. The artwork on these cans is something straight out of a fairytale with a little something sinister, just like within the Girshaverse. The art evokes Alina, the main character of the series, and her struggle with her new place in the world. Her whole life changes and she must come to understand a new relationship with time and power. It also connects to the quests she goes on to master her power. She ventures into frozen forests, onto a cursed ocean, and a waterfall made of fire. And finally, the artwork used in Viridi Rex reminds us of the dark, evil creatures called Volcra that live with in The Fold, and were created by an immoral mutation of science and magic.

Beyond their outward image, these beers were also an awesome pair for the books based on the beer itself. Bound By Time is Edmund’s Oast’s take on a classic IPA, and it is an absolute success. It is full to the brim with awesome, fruity, hop-flavor. Just like Shadow and Bone, this beer is an awesome start. Enchantment Under the Sea is another awesome IPA, but it takes it to another level. It has an amazing mango and pineapple flavor, and a nice creamy, lactose texture. Although it has a delicious complexity, it also has a great light feel. It’s a totally special, and will hopelessly hook you, just like Siege and Storm. Finally, Viridi Rex, like Ruin and Rising, was so good; I had to go out get another one. It is a great dry hopped double IPA that brings a refreshing warmness to your soul. It is well balanced, has tons of lacing, and the perfect mouth-feel for this style. The coloration is an amazing deep gold (like Alina’s kefta?!) with vibrant papaya and orange. This beer is so good, you can’t have just one!

These beers prove that South Carolina and Edmund’s Oast Brewing Company know what they are doing, just like Leigh Bardugo! These three beers and this Trilogy are awesome. They are the reason we love beer and books. They are enjoyable, thoughtful, masterful, and so darn good! No, neither are the next holy grail of books or beer, but boy are they worth a try! So, check them out! We certainly will keep reading Leigh Bardugo’s Grishaverse books, and can’t wait to try more Edmund’s Oast beers… once we can get our hands on them, or even better, visit the brewery! Enjoy!

THANKS AS ALWAYS FOR STOPPING BY, FELLOW BOOKWORM AND BEER LOVER! THIS WAS A SUPER FUN PAIRING FOR US TO WRITE, DID YOU ENJOY IT? HAVE YOU READ ANY OF LEIGH BARDUGO’S BOOK’S? DRANK ANY OF EDMUND’S OAST BREWING COMPANY’S BEERS? WANT TO TRY THIS PARING? WE CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR WHAT YOU THINK! REMEMBER TO SUBSCRIBE HERE, AND FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM, TUMBLR, AND FACEBOOK! HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!                        

                           CHEERS, ALEXANDRA & CHRIS

[koganeirou]

I remember a few years ago I volunteered at a festival in my town’s local J-town and there was a cosplay contest and one of the winners was a Cardia cosplay. At the time, I only knew Code Realize by name, but I thought that the cosplayer was beautiful beyond words. And I think fate’s finally run it’s course now LMFAO.

Anyway I’m done this game! and what can I say. this game is incredible. It definitely lives up to all the hype and praise it got and I think this game is one of my favourite otomes I’ve ever played. It just sounds like I’m riding the hype train because this game is treated like the holy grail but I think this game is probably my second favourite, closely behind Nightshade. I’m not really sure what more I can say other than I loved everything about this game from the bottom of my heart and I enjoyed every minute of it. anyyyyhoo more of my thoughts underneath the cut because it’s become sort of like a ritual for me to share my obnoxious opinions every time I finish a game! 

**SPOILERS**

okay I actually feel kind of bad for saying it but I kind of felt Lupin’s route to be a tad bit underwhelming?? I really enjoyed how Lupin’s route tied up all the other routes and gave all the boys satisfying conclusions if only Seven’s route was like that but idk the whole climax of wrecking Isaac with something as simple as bombs that he somehow didn’t figure out were there, and just magically getting rid of Cardia’s poison by letting Isaac suck all the energy out of her boobs just felt a tad bit trippy for my tastes?? The whole shebang on the Nautilus seemed to just drag on and on, especially with the whole Aleister and Sholmes business like I’m sorry I don’t care for any of these dudes.

**END SPOILERS**

Moving along, I didn’t like…. the majority of the villains. With the exception of Victoria (who is an amazing side character btw. Amazing villain in Fran’s route, amazing supporting character in Lupin’s route. what a woman), I felt like a lot of the antagonists were either really one note, shallow, or just flat out annoying. **SPOILERS** And that’s what made Lupin’s route that much more of a slog because you have alllll these annoying ass villains herded into literally one spot. Like I’m sorry to any Finis fans out there, but his Kaji Yuki screaming and five billion Naruto clones just started getting really annoying really fast and my annoyance with Finis ultimately triumphed my sympathy for him lmao. Still, he did deserve a better ending than just flying off the ship to his death like wtf?? Isn’t he alive in the Silver Miracles fandisc?? did he just magically come back to life??? **END SPOILERS**

My second biggest complaint is that I felt like a lot of the romance sort of depends on the common route? It’s driven by the character-center scenarios in the common route where Cardia gets to know the boys and bond with them because once you’re booted in a route Cardia’s immediately like “I think I’m in love!” and it just sometimes feels like it comes out of left field without taking the common route into consideration. and idk I just wish the routes were a little more independent and detached.

BUUUUT MOVING ALONG. Each route had their strengths and flaws, and while Lupin’s route is obviously the “true” one, I actually didn’t feel like Lupin really overshadowed the other boys? I’m glad that writers didn’t give the other boys lukewarm stories and lazily written routes because they all got the love they deserved, imo. I felt like every route offered a piece of the main puzzle; Lupin’s route was simply the route that unearthed the final piece. Each boy’s route dealt with a separate piece of the overarching plot line/conflict, which just made the world building of Steel London so much stronger. And I loved every last bit of it. I loved the steam punk aesthetic, the historical European setting; I loved all the political drama, with the terrorists plots, government corruption, hints of mystery, thriller, cringy shoujo romance etc. It was an adventure story through and through and boy did it reel me in. 

Cgs are gorgeous, backgrounds are detailed, ost is amazing and really made the scenes that much more emotional. Also kudos to the damn voice actors/actresses because boy this game has some damn good voice work. Maybe I can stop associating Daisuke Hirakawa with his creepy Laito-Bitch-chan-voice and start associating him with the beautiful man that is San now LOL.

The writing in this game is A+++. Absolutely solid. Finally, an otome game with a overly convoluted and complicated plot but no noticeable plot holes or unexplained loop holes! What an accomplishment! Jokes aside, I usually have a lot of writing complaints when it comes to otome games because I’m a critical bitch, but aside from minor gripes I mentioned earlier, I did really enjoy the game’s story and it had so many incredibly powerful moments that just made me had to walk around and take a quick break because of how shook it made me lmao. I loved the themes about atonement, forgiveness, humanity, the whole “humanity versus god” conflict, and I think in terms of complexity and depth of narrative, this game is def up there. I loved all the historical, literary, and religious references this game made and while it may not hold the integrity of the original source, it still made the story that much more fun and complex.

In terms of main characters… haha, I loved them all. They’re all precious children who deserve happiness and the world and I ended up getting attached to every last one of them.

Cardia tho? She makes this game, 100%. She truly lived up to her role as protagonist because she was the damn star. I’m very open about my appreciation for otome heroines and am very against heroine hate in general, but even still, this is the first game I’ve played where my favourite character was the heroine herself, not any of the boys. I love how kind hearted Cardia is. I love her strength, her bravery, how her character is so intricately woven into the story. But more than anything, I adored the character development she got. Code Realize truly is… her story, not any of the guy’s, not even everyone’s favourite man, Lupin’s. She’s so multi faceted and nuanced, maybe even more so than the guys. But I also loved the little quirks she had and those moments where she acts like a classic typical shoujo manga heroine made me smile like an idiot. She’s a fighter who hangs on until the very end and she’s the type of heroine that you just can’t help but pour your whole heart into rooting for. I really enjoyed how balanced her relationships with the guys were, it never felt like one out shined the other.  Shout out to Fran and Lupin for having the most romantic kiss scenes ever LOL.

As for the guys themselves, my fave order is prob San > Fran > Lupin > Van > Impey. Though if you include all the characters , It’d prob be something like Cardia > San > Fran > Lupin > Victoria > Delly > Van > Impey.

 Fran and San are really close because I loved them for different reasons and I think I enjoyed their relationships with Cardia the most. Fran and Cardia had really good chemistry and I loved watching them develop and grow together, where they both stood as equals who elevated each other, whereas San and Cardia had more of a tragic love that they both had to bend over backwards fighting for and it tickled my melodrama loving side //shot. I really adored all of the relationships Cardia had with the guys (and the friendships between the guys themselves) and while this game is mainly plot driven, I never felt like any of the character writing fell short. Everyone is just so memorable and multi faceted, you can’t help but love them.

anyway that’s enough ranting from me lmao. I regret only playing this game now since I’ve heard of it forever but better late than never. I really am glad to play this game and it’s def one of my top favourites. I’m done ranting and I’m gonna go cry now.

[thepurpleblossom]

I went to watch the HF movie earlier! So I’ll be posting my thoughts. I’ve already read many reviews prior so I sort of already found out how some things are different, so the changes didn’t quite surprise / disappoint me, and overall, I really really enjoyed it. If possible, I’ll probably go and watch it at least two more times!

I actually wrote a brief summary of the movie on the way back, but I just remembered there’s a post that pretty much talked about what I wanted to, but!! I’ll do it again in any case!

I really enjoy the first few scenes because they were anime original. Since I read the post linked above, I did know that they were animating those pre!story scenes. But what I didn’t expect was how long it was. There was perhaps a good 10 minutes devoted to these scenes. 

Starting off with a beautiful scene in the archery club depicting Shirou’s mastery of archery, Ayako and Shinji looking from behind, and a stranger praising his skills to Taiga. And then immediately juxtaposed with a short scene of Shinji reprimanding Shirou’s carelessness in getting injured during work. And then Sakura’s visits. We get his original insistence that he can’t make his friend’s sister help him like this...! and snapshots of Sakura’s stubbornness, visiting everyday until Taiga warms up to her, and Shirou gives up, giving her a key. And then he wakes up in the shed, with Sakura’s prompting.

I love these scenes so much, but I also love the bits where they slowly depict the changes happening in Sakura. When she first arrives, her eyes are completely dead, and she hardly talks. And then she talks, her eyes remaining dull. And by the end of the flashback (where Sakura gets accepted to Homurahara Academy), her eyes are brightened and as seen in this pv, she smiles so brightly. 

These are so important in establishing the effect Sakura has on Shirou, as well as Shirou’s on Sakura that now, I’m almost surprised that they aren’t in the original material.

Incidentally, there was two separate instances where Sakura touches her ribbon, (oh my god, i can’t believe my hc of her touching her ribbon is actually canon now). The most important one being when they were discussing Kiritsugu being Shirou’s hero, and when faced with the same question, Sakura simply repeats the words while touching the ribbon. 

Originally I was worried how they are going to deal with the repeats from UBW. But they really did just compress them into a few images, serving as a reminder to jolt our memory rather than a full scene. Which is actually a direction that I really liked that they took, because it would be taking time away from content that we have already seen -- there is no point in animating the same scenes again as well.

There are other scenes in which they were longer but the movie cut them short. Such as Sakura noticing the mark on Shirou’s hand, but it skips the following breakfast scene, and changes scene to Sakura leaving and asking Shirou to come home quick. I also really like these cuts, whilst the scenes are lost, its usually done without much consequences and the viewers can fill in the gaps. To borrow @fishofthelake’s words, it really fits the movie’s format.

Also, Saber in Shirou’s yukata.  👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀

About the dream that Shirou had. I think the movie is my favourite rendition. Whilst the original is just Rin H scene. And Realta Nua a scene between Rin and Ayako, this was Rin putting the moves on Shirou at first and then turning to Sakura. The first was awkward given how Rin is not the heroine of the series. And RN’s verison makes me imagine that Shirou... ships Rin and Ayako. And HF’s felt the most natural? Shirou’s crush on Rin can’t be separated from the narrative, and they also showed it during a scene where Shirou chances upon Rin helping Sakura pick up the papers fallen on the floor ( “Oh... The person who helped me is--” “Tohsaka Rin, right?” “... You know her?” “Oh aaah, *flustered* she’s beautiful and everyone knows her.” ). But the change to Sakura felt more natural given that it is her route, and also highlights that Shirou is gradually gaining an romantic interest in Sakura. ( Important as they cut out the bit where Shirou walks Sakura to the Matou’s mansion, as well as the morning scenes including the monologue where Shirou is like “ah this is problematic. Sakura is becoming more beautiful by the day” )

Actually, there are actually a number of scenes that effectively portrayed Shirou’s attraction to Sakura, and vice versa. Whilst the added scenes at the beginning of the movie showed how important they are to each other, the scenes scattered throughout the rest of the movie showed how their feelings for each other are decidedly romantic. With Sakura’s silent jealousy when Sakura finds out that Shirou knows Rin, Taiga’s joking comments that Shirou asked Sakura to stay over so that she won’t be jealous of Saber... And of course, the scene where Sakura first collapses, and Shirou is there, looking after her, and their hands are held together almost tenderly. I teared up.

Speaking of a tender scene, Sakura visited the shed with Shirou. And one of the topics was that Shirou is an adopted child, and Sakura mentions briefly that he had good people around him, and that made my heart break a little. Because Sakura is also adopted and she didn’t have good people around her. While the scene broke my heart a little, the overall atmosphere was really soft and tender, and Sakura seems so glad that his experience is different from hers ( of course, it might be just me assuming that she’s drawing a parallel between his experience and hers since she didn’t talk about herself being adopted, but it’s highly likely that she is. )

The fight scenes were super cool. I was holding my breath the entire time during the Cu and Hassan fight, on the expressway before they moved to the lake. I’m so glad Cu got some scenes before he was gone. Though, I felt like the scene where Medu showed up in the temple could be done better? The scene in the VN felt more creepy in comparison, and I could sense the danger and how she’s so much more powerful compared to her earlier appearance (the scene where Saber absolutely destroyed Medusa was beautiful by the way). I can’t quite recall if the dangerous aspect in the VN was due to Shirou’s monologue, but I feel that they could have done better, perhaps through a new, creepier OST? I don’t think they changed the OST from Shirou’s fight with Zouken. But that’s probably just me nitpicking. My friend thought she seems powerful anyway.

AND, let’s talk about the music. I’m too much of Kajiura’s fan to not devote a section to talk about her to be honest. In summary, I... really like it??? I’m not sure how else I could say it. Other than that scene mentioned above, I really like the music direction. Sometimes the scenes are without music, but it doesn’t take it away. In UBW, the lack of music in some scenes made it rather boring for me to watch, and hard to grip my attention, but in the movie, I felt like it was used brilliantly. The first scene of Shirou’s archery had no music, but served to show Shirou’s hyperfocus and tranquility of archery. Some of the flashback scenes generally had soft, calming music, but other scenes are quiet, without music. It felt like it added to the peacefulness and the fondness in the memories.

The first heavy, dark music is used when Shirou notices the Lancer and Archer fight and he starts running for a safe space before the scene fades to a scene with Sakura somehow noticing this happening and then we get the compressed, repeated scenes from UBW. I really like how the first piece of dark music is used as a lead-in to the rest of the movie because the flashbacks are done now, and this is where the plot starts. It felt like a summary / warning as to what the rest of the movie has to offer, which is dark, dark, and dark. They also used one or two F/Z tracks btw. If I’m right, Back to Zero, during the scene in which Kirei reveals to Shirou Kiritsugu’s involvement in the 4th Holy Grail War. Most of the tracks in the rest of the movie were dark, and very, very different from UBW’s, which is understandable, given that they are done by different composers after all. But it really is a huge indication of how dark HF is compared to UBW’s and I love it.

Things that I’m not too happy about are nitpicks. The loss of the classroom scene, but the inclusion of the scene may have led the movie to feel draggy (since it takes place before the Lancer & Archer fight -- ie where the movie truly begins), so I will accept that choice begrudgingly. The other bit is the dream sequence involving Saber Alter talking to Saber. I liked the horror that Saber is truly gone, and then the resulting shock when Saber Alter showed up later in the story, and such a scene felt like it took away both of such elements. Still, at this point in time, Saber Alter is hardly a secret anymore, so perhaps these factors are gone ever since the popularity of FGO and the Fate franchise in general. So why not capitalise on their knowledge, instead of pretending that everyone watching are Fate noobs right.

Perhaps that’s why the Prize A for the Ichiban Kuji lottery for Heaven’s Feel is not Sakura, but actually a figure of Saber Alter. They’re just like, Saber Alter??? Keep her a secret??? I think /not/.

In summary though, I’m really happy with this movie. The director really seems to love the route and Sakura a lot. The movie was beautiful, and the scenes with Sakura felt so beautiful and wonderfully portrayed and her expressions. And the last scene where Shirou comes back to a worried Sakura waiting for him with her nose and cheeks red from standing too long in the snow... It’s beautiful.

Now, if you excuse me, I’ll just be looping Hana no Uta.

[cwartsy]

It’s the Thought That Counts: Part Two

Baxter still thought Alastor was being absurd but he did try to get some sleep for his partner. He found it just as difficult as he had before. Despite being very tired. Every time he got close to achieving some form of rest, a terribly timed coughing fit woke him up again. Still he kept trying. That is until he started coughing up blood. 

Oh dear. This was a sign that his illness might be a bit worse than he thought. He notified Molly immediately in the form of a text message but wasn’t sure when she would receive it. The time on his phone read half past six. Alastor had been gone for nearly an hour, where could he be? Molly was likely to be asleep for the next half hour. He could phone her but Baxter didn’t think it was that urgent. He’d live to see seven AM. And despite really wanting to, he wasn’t going to phone Alastor either. Knowing that his partner was coughing up blood would only frighten him.

Baxter was feeling frightened himself. As irrational and foolish as that was. He knew what was wrong with him. He knew it wasn’t serious. Well, he knew it wasn’t that serious. He knew he’d recover. This was just one of the symptoms for the illness he had. He had known coughing up blood was a possibility, he had been half expecting it to happen. So why was he feeling so scared? Baxter didn’t know but after coughing up blood, he had to settle for pretending he had gotten some sleep when his partner finally came back.

Alastor couldn’t have been gone for more than another half hour. But to Baxter, it felt like an it eternity. He had spent the whole time prepared for Alastor’s return, which he had expected to be at any moment. Lying in wait with his back turned to the door to hide the fact that he wasn’t asleep. Knowing his partner, Alastor would probably just appear in the room without so much as a sound. Baxter was right of course. He didn’t even know Alastor was back until he wondered why the air suddenly carried a scent of sausages and bacon. He kept his relief hidden from Alastor as well as he had hidden the blood stained tissues he had accumulated since Alastor’s absence. This was made easy when Baxter saw Alastor.

Alastor was not a man who half did things. Everything he did was over the top and eccentric and if anything was proof of that now, it was the tray full of food he was carrying and the additional shopping bags hanging from his arms.

“I thought I’d get us some breakfast.” He announced.

“I should think that’s for both of us.” Baxter said with a smile that, thanks to Alastor’s lovable eccentricity, was actually genuine, “I don’t even think I could eat a quarter of all that.“

“Well sorry.” Alastor teased, “But I think you need more than two slices of toast  to start the day.”

“So that’s why you keep showing up with food at my workplace every time I choose that for breakfast.” Baxter said, “The question is, how do you know?”

Alastor flashed Baxter an utterly shameless smile and said, “Sources.”

Baxter groaned at Alastor and his stalkerish behaviour which was really, too well meaning for him to be even slightly annoyed at.

“Just let me out of this blanket trap, will you?” he sighed, “I need to use the bathroom.”

With a snap of Alastor’s fingers, Baxter was free again. What he told Alastor was true enough. But the main reason he was heading to the bathroom was to dispose of the bloody tissues he had hidden up his sleeve. Undoubtedly, the only thing that kept Alastor from smelling the blood on them was the stronger smell of the cooked food. That wouldn’t last so down the toilet the tissues went. Baxter knew doing this would only delay the inevitable. But that was precisely Baxter’s goal. He didn’t want Alastor to know he was coughing up blood until Molly came with confirmed assurance that he was going to be alright.

He went back to the main room to find that Alastor had set the tray down on the bed. Now Baxter could see what Alastor had prepared. He really had gone all out. Full English breakfasts with black pudding, baked beans and everything.

“Alastor, you’ll never cease to surprise me.” was all he could think to say.

“Never intend to.” Alastor said smugly, “Where would be the fun in that?”

“How did you get black pudding?” Baxter asked him, “I didn’t think it was sold anywhere near here.”.

“I have my ways.” Alastor shrugged.

“Alastor.” Baxter queried, “You didn’t go up to the surface for this, did you?”

“No.” Alastor said. Sounding intentionally unconvincing.

“Alastor.” Baxter objected, “We’re not supposed to go up to the surface unless you have an important reason.”

“You don’t seem to be mad about it.” Alastor pointed out.

“I’m not.” Baxter said

“So you appreciate it really.” Alastor declared.

“Of course I do.” Baxter said, giving Alastor a kiss to prove it, “I just don’t want you getting into trouble for me.”

“I was careful.” Alastor assured, “I’ve been up there a thousand times without Charlie or the surface dwellers being any the wiser. And what’s the worst that could happen even if I was caught? Charlie would just give me a slap on the wrist and you know no mortal could lay a scratch on me.”

“It could affect us all if any of us gets caught.” Baxter lectured, “Just promise me you won’t get cocky, alright?”

“Promise.” Alastor vowed.

“I can’t believe you made all of this for me.” Baxter said, turning the discussion back to how amazed he was at Alastor’s latest grand gesture.

“I thought I’d make you something homely” Alastor said “and I thought I’d try something you might have enjoyed when you were alive”

“What a sweet thought.” Baxter praised. Smiling as he thought of Alastor preparing all this, thinking that it might bring back good memories. Of taverns in early mornings or eating heartily for busy days or simply enjoying life. “But to be honest with you, Alastor. I didn’t really eat meals like this when I was alive.”

“Really?” Baxter felt bad when he heard the slight disappointment in Alastor’s voice.

“Only the wealthy could afford to eat these things on a regular basis in my time.” Baxter explained, “I’m not sure when a meal like this became readily available to everyone but it certainly wasn’t my time.”

Baxter was saying this to be honest, not to put Alastor down. So to avoid doing that, he kept being honest.

“Not that any of that matters,” he praised, “I love all the effort you put into this. Thank you,”

And then he gave him another kiss.

“This is really impressive, Alastor.” Baxter declared. Now the time for honesty was well and truly over. So he made sure he came across as purely interested and not at all nervous when he asked, “Did you cook it all by yourself?”

“God no. Nifty helped me cook it.” Alastor told him as if he could read his mind, “I wasn’t going to tackle this by myself. You’re ill enough as it is.”

Baxter did his best to conceal the wave of relief that washed over him when Alastor said that. “You’re not that bad a cook.” he lied, knowing full well he was.

Baxter was not one to focus primarily on his partner’s flaws. But even he had to acknowledge it was a miracle Alastor’s coking hadn’t killed anyone yet.

He was still a little nervous to eat the breakfast Alastor had made but he didn’t care. Alastor had cooked this especially for him and Baxter was going to eat all of it. Even if it did kill him. But when he started eating, Baxter was pleasantly surprised. It turned out that with the right amount of help and motivation, Alastor could cook a meal that was actually edible. Enjoyable even.

“This is great.” He complemented to a righteously proud looking Alastor, “Well done, you.”

Baxter ate nearly everything on his plate with an appetite he hardly ever had. He even started eating the black pudding. Baxter had never found what was basically dried pigs blood appealing but there was no way in hell he was telling Alastor that.

“You don’t seem to be enjoying that.” Alastor observed.

“Oh, no. It’s fine.” Baxter insisted. 

Alastor gave Baxter a little peck on the cheek and naturally, Baxter gazed into his eyes.  A classic Mistake.

“Now be honest.” Alastor commanded.

Damn it. Baxter fell for that every time. Under Alastor’s spell, he couldn’t stop himself from telling him that he never really liked black pudding but didn’t want to say, because Alastor had gone through so much trouble to get it for him.

“You little sweetheart.” Alastor smiled, caressing Baxter’s cheek. “It’s Okay. You appreciate that I got it. That’s all I need.”

“Still, I feel guilty about it going to waste.” Baxter admitted.

"That might not be so.” Alastor said brightly, “I haven’t tried it yet”.

He popped a piece of black pudding into his mouth and when he did, it was magic for Baxter to see. Alastor looked like he had discovered the holy grail. His eyes lit up and he started chewing very slowly. Savouring the flavour of every bite.

“Where has this stuff been all my life?” he breathed as if his breath had been taken away.

Seeing Alastor enjoying it so much cheered Baxter right up. “Now I know what to treat you with next time you fall ill.” he laughed, “Here, have mine.“

He scraped his black pudding onto Alastor’s plate with his knife and it didn’t stay there very long. With the last of the breakfasts eaten, Alastor took the tray away. He searched around for a place to put it before deciding on Baxter’s desk. By placing it there, Baxter could guess that he planned to take it back to the kitchen later rather than sooner. He seemed to be focused on something else at the moment.

"Speaking of treats.” he said, “Guess what else I got for you?”

“I couldn’t possibly Imagine.” Baxter teased. He could help loving this. Being Alastor’s top priority.

“I think you’ll find that I was a bit more accurate when choosing things you like this time.” Alastor said as he presented Baxter with one of the shopping bags. 

It turned out to be full of fruit and sweets and accuracy wasn’t even the word when it came to Alastor’s choices here.

“You remembered all my favourites.” Baxter said completely sappy with sentimentality.

The bag was bursting with strawberries, blackberries, cherries, pomegranates, grapes of every kind and sweets straight out of Baxter’s childhood. Pear drops, liquorice allsorts and every Cadbury’s chocolate bar in existence. Including ones Baxter had no idea existed.

I haven’t had some of these since I was alive.” he said astounded. He was so wrapped up in the past he almost said “when I was a boy.” But who on earth stops eating chocolate when they reach adulthood. “You must have put so much thought into this.”

“It was nothing really.” Alastor shrugged, “Choosing a bag of goodies for you was easy. I may not know every detail about you but I know you well enough.”

Baxter chortled as soon as those last few words entered his mind. That had to be sarcastic. 

“You don’t know everything about me?” he responded with a raised eyebrow and a huge grin, “Alastor, my love. I know for a fact that’s a damn lie.”

He grabbed his wonderful partner’s face and caresses it with both hands.

“You’re my personal stalker and I love it. Well, most of the time. I especially love it now. Thank you so much for this, darling.”

Baxter couldn’t think of better to do to show his gratitude than to pelt Alastor with kisses.

The affection was greatly received. Alastor put his arms around Baxter and Baxter put his arms around him. They stayed in that embrace for a golden moment.

It was such a perfect moment. Of course it had to be ruined.

Baxter started coughing again. He had been fighting to keep them at bay the whole time Alastor had been here. He knew he couldn’t keep it up forever but Baxter so wished he had been able to hold out a little bit longer.

Alastor went to retrieve the water, medicine and tissues and was back at his side at once. Ready to provide any support and comfort he could. Baxter took one of the tissues and began coughing into it as he was overcome by an all out fit. All Baxter could do was keep coughing and hope Alastor didn’t notice.

“Why can I smell blood?” Alastor gasped, his voice full of worry and dread.

“The black pudding.” Baxter rasped in a vain attempt to throw Alastor off.

“No. I can smell fresh blood.” Alastor fretted, “Coming from you.”

“Baxter quickly bunched up the tissue he was holding in his hand. Keeping it from Alastor’s sight so that he might have a chance to dispose of it. But Alastor had already identified it as the source of the scent. He grabbed Baxter’s hand, prised it open and his fears were confirmed.

He just looked in horror for a few seconds at the tissue dotted with red. Completely stunned silent.

“Oh, Alastor.” Baxter whispered.

Hearing Baxter’s voice seemed to break Alastor out of his trance. “We’re going to see Molly. Now.” He commanded, tugging Baxter onto his feet.

“Alastor;” Baxter tried to comfort him, or at least reassure him but Alastor cut him off immediately.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Alastor shouted at Baxter, clearly much more upset than angry.

“I didn’t want to frighten you.” Baxter begged, “Please don’t fret so. I’m alright, I assure you. This is just one of the symptoms.”

“I wouldn’t have left you alone if I had known this. I left you all alone.”

“Alastor. Look at me.” Baxter caught hold of Alastor’s face and brought it to his own.

“I am not in danger. The blood is just a symptom of a worse, but not harmful, type of chest infection than I thought I had. That’s all it is. That’s. All. It. Is.” he said to Alastor slowly and clearly so it would break through his panic.

“Then why is it that you look scared too?” Alastor whispered.

Baxter faltered at these words. He hadn’t realised his own fear was showing through. This wasn’t good. There was no way he could keep Alastor calm if he was showing fear as well. But to calm Alastor down, he realised he had to calm himself down first. Regardless of how real it seemed, his fear was completely irrational. And the sooner he got that into his head, the sooner he could get it into Alastor’s.

“Irrational nonsense, that’s why.” Baxter assured, “I know what’s wrong with me and I know I’m going to get better. And look, I’ve already told Molly. See?”

He showed Alastor the message he had sent to her on his phone. “She’s going to check me over, just in case.”

“Then where is she?” Alastor asked.

“That’s a good question.” Baxter admitted as he pondered for and answer, “Ah. Look. It’s still a few minutes shy of seven o'clock. She wakes up for work at the same time as me. She probably hasn’t seen my message yet.

“What good is that?” Alastor exclaimed “How is she supposed to help you if she doesn’t know what’s going on?”

He phoned Molly that instant and told Baxter she was on her way.

[empty-dream]

Me watching Fate/Apocrypha ep 9

Darnic this is the 9th episode we don’t need any grail exposition anymore

Use Nazi to rob a mythical object. Sounds rad.

Does Nazi even believe in occult things in the first place?

I mean, is there even a nazi magus? They must be a colossal asshole.

Wow Zouken bleeding and writhing amongst penis worms. A very nice and precious scene.

Woow who is that mysterious person staring between fire who nonchalantly stands behind the church statue- Ha as if the foreshadowing isn’t enough already.

Darnic’s motto: Backstab everybody until nobody’s left to backstab but me

Holy grail? More like “Einzbern ideal naked bodies”

Darnic gets hammy.

BERSERKER!! SMASH!!! *swings mace down*

Shirou: “Will you come to my side?” Fran: Nah my otaku master is way better than someone with Yu-Gi-Oh-inspired hairstyle

Shakespeare: *enters dramatically* Ohoho Don’t fight me I can’t fight lol *exits dramatically*

Shirou, no means fucking no.

Shakespeare should be a narrator for every battle scenes in fate universe I’d watch that

Shirou stop dramatically unsheathing your katana this ain’t Bleach

Wow wow leaping like a squirrel

LOOK AT THAT SMUG SMILE no wonder Semiramis falls hard for him

Such lightning much wow

Jeanne no the priest ain’t on the fortress you’re going the wrong way!

Seriously if I were to ever go into battle, all I’m gonna do is fighting while whining like Astolfo

Bring a trumpet to a magic battle THAT SOUNDS SO LOUD AND ANNOYING IT OBLITERATES ENEMIES

He looks so proud of himself he’s so cute

The continuation of Bitchface Karna vs Uncle Drac

Karna apologizes for thinking Spartacus betrayed red faction. Karna understands Spartacus just goes back into his original rebel self. Karna is a fucking angel.

Karna-Atalanta teamwork is my new favorite thing

Atalanta the smug nee-san

NO ATALANTA THAT’S ACTUALLY A BAD MOVE AGAINST SPARTACUS

Wow the animation of Phoebus Catastrophe is amazing

Atalanta: I love the smell of Trifas in the morning. Except it’s night.

Achilles: “Sensei” Chiron: “Rider of Red” Me: Ouch.

It just goes to show that Chiron is indeed very mature and Achilles for all his feats is still youthful SNIFF

Meanwhile, Sieg casually ‘robs’ his former house amidst the war. And inserts existential crisis to his friends.

Not that it could ever be called his house tho

And yeah can’t deny existential crisis is also a thing to do when living

I just love everybody just jumps into conclusion that Semiramis is Caster of Red while she herself is Assassin of Red and the real Caster of Red is an useless drama king

Semiramis: Oho I just know a little bit of magecraft-THAT TURNS OUT TO BE GOD-TIER

Well she must use some magic to hold her dress on her boobs.

Astolfo is so full of magical items in store he might as well be Fate/Apocrypha equivalent of Doraemon.

I have a lot of questions regarding the spike on Semiramis’s hands. Can it be undone? Is it sharp? How does it even work? If she wants to hold Shirou is it on the way? Real god tier magecraft indeed.

Falling in front of the moon, Astolfo-style

They have so many blankets inside the castle huh

Astolfo be like “I’M A DAMN RIDER THERE IS NO WAY I’M GONNA BE HIT BY A DAMN CAR”

Somebody draw Mordred driving a tank into battlefield it’s hilarious

So Kairi’s role is pretty much drop Mordred to the battlefield, much like how a dad would drop his kid to the school. A+ parenting.

Astolfo knowing full well he is fucked but still summoning his lance anyway is such a courageous thing

Semiramis: Oh so this saint ain’t running Naruto style 24/7

OK somebody in A-1 MUST have a fetish for tying up Jeanne in chains SHOW YOURSEEELFFFF

I believe this is just an excuse to focus on her boobs eehhhhh???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Caules you should meet the other Kotomine boy, he is a fucking superhuman.

Ah, the fun music!! Imma dance

First Folio should be called Dick Move

I don’t know anything about the actual Frankenstein literature, and not much about typemoon version of Victor Frankenstein, but to beat her just because she’s emotionless is a shit thing to do

Well to be fair she turns out having lots of emotions

I like their approach to show Fran’s thought with written words. Fitting for a Berserker with high intelligent.

Did I say dick move? Yeah dick fucking move.

FRAN OH MY GOD :’’’’((((((( I wanna hug her :((((

Look at mom Caules, immediately uses one command seal just to calm her down

He doesn’t blame her. He doesn’t raise his voice. He doesn’t regret using such a precious command seal. He even praises her. THIS IS HOW A MASTER SHOULD BE!!

Wow Mordred using Clarent while still in her civilian outfit. So cool.

MORDRED YOU ARE THE LAST PERSON WHO SHOULD SAY THAT you led a war that ended up destroying a whole kingdom because you believed that you were qualified as king, that your father sucked and on top of that you just wanted so badly to be recognized by your father. IF SIEGFRIED IS AN IDIOT THEN SO ARE YOU.

HOLY CRAP ASTOLFO GETS MAD

ASTOLFO I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR DEFENDING SIEGFRIED AND CALLING MORDRED DELIQUENT

Semiramis watching Jeanne: “Seriously why my master pays too much attention on this girl”

DISAPPEAR, HOLY MAIDEN OR WHATEVER is my new favorite trash talk.

Wow did she just full on nuke Jeanne hell hath no fury indeed

Semiramis: “How’s that, bitch?” Jeanne: “Ha, nice try, bitch.” Semiramis: “This bitch..!”

So the girlfriend tries to nuke Jeanne with ancient flying fortress and now the boyfriend tries to nuke Jeanne with servant bomb. Truly a match in heaven.

Darnic gets hammy, again.

Sieg: “YO BOI LET ME SHOW YOU I’M THE REAL PROTAGONIST HERE!!!“

I think they try hard to make awesome action scenes in this episode. Choreography is great. But in exchange, faces go ‘nyooomm’ a lot

So Jeanne suddenly stops doing naruto run and the main battle music isn’t played in this episode did someone from A-1 read my snarky comments last week???

NEXT: maybe some drama bomb will be dropped…

[rowingchat]

US Masters Rowing National Championships – Day 1 musings

Charles Sweeney reports from the big event….and muses on life, rowing and streams-of-consciousness 

I wasn’t supposed to be here, at the Masters Nationals, in Oak Ridge Tennessee, with my crew, the Capital Rowing Club. 

Literally the day after last year’s Nationals, in Worcester, Massachusetts, a nagging back problem blew up into a sciatica case that damn near crippled me and crashed not just a very successful season but a personally important one.

I’d spent a few years trying to hammer myself – in the pejorative, rowing sense — into the boats that won races and went to the Charles. I worked hard and I was pretty strong but, apparently, I just wasn’t that good at this rowing thing. 

And last season started out the same as the others:  bitter, frustrating.

I remember one practice.  Elena, our assistant coach/coach’s wife/Olympic Medalist, who narrates and critiques each practice nonstop in a Russian-accented voice that jumps from operatic praise to severe scolding in an instant, jumped on me like a terrier on a rat and tore me up so long and so hard that I was literally looking around trying to figure out how to get out of the boat in the middle of the river and stomp away from the team, forever.

And there were so many spring mornings where I’d get home and I just wanted to stamp into the shower and wash the stinking Anacostia River and the sweat and shame off my body, and my girlfriend Laura  would be lying there quizzing me like a mom to her kid after a bad day at school, “so, how was it, honey?”

I suck. Rowing sucks.  Life sucks.  That’s how it was.  I don’t want to talk about it.

But, like the peasant turned into a newt by the witch in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, I got better.  I started getting into good crews.  Guys would say things like “you’re rowing pretty good this year.  I mean, last year you kind of sucked, but this year you’re not so bad.” They could have put it nicer, but I took in the spirit in which it was offered. I even started rehashing practice voluntarily with Laura.

I felt like I had finally earned the respect of guys who I respected a great deal.  That was probably more important than winning, and the winning was pretty fun, too. 

And then it all blew up in a day.

By late winter, I was convinced I’d miss this season or be so sloppy and slow when I finally made it back that that no one would miss me if I went instead with Laura to Sun Valley, where she had a conference this week. And we could backpack and fly fish the Sawtooths instead of rowing.  When they asked, I said I was “tentative, probably not” for Nationals.

But I finally started erging gently in late winter and then went gently back on the water in May (conveniently missing all that crappy early spring weather.  But that’s not why I waited.  No, really, it’s not).  People seemed glad to see me, which was heartening.  Also in May, Laura got drafted into another conference in San Francisco (where she is today), screwing up the Sawtooths jaunt.  In June I started racing.

A cabin in the woods for Masters Nationals

And now I’m here, in the town that produced fuel for the atom bomb and birthed America’s peaceful nuclear program – promising clean plentiful nuclear power generated so cheaply that there won’t even be any point in metering it. (I was driving back to my cabin in the woods after racing today and there was a mist rising from the river and I thought “Should I be worried about this?” “No,” I figured, I’m sure the government would tell us if there was something we needed to know about.)

There was a mist earlier, too, this morning, coming from the sky, so they postponed racing for a few hours and I ate a humongous breakfast and typed a little, then drove into a generic section of Knoxville to get my yuppie bearings by picking up a map at the REI (an upscale camping store) and checking out the Whole Foods, whose fish looked sub-par.  No Simpson’s three –eyed lake trout, either, despite the nuclear thing. 

I’d heard a rumor that Ace Hardware had eclipse glasses, so I could look at the eclipse coming through the Tennessee hills Monday and not go blind, but they were hoarding them — the line formed outside and the sale started at 4 o’clock, when I was supposed to be on the water. Oh well.  They tell you that lots of things will make you go blind and I’ve done most of ‘em, so we’ll see what happens Monday. 

I dropped off my erg and discovered another 30-minute lightning delay and that the guys at the next trailer were playing hideous whiny Pearl Jam-type music at a significant volume.  So I fled down the road and around the corner to the firing range I’d come across.

First, I read the safety rules and signed a document stating that I was of sound mind, had no felony or domestic violence convictions or drug addictions, and was not currently subject to a restraining order. Then, I watched a short safety video. Now, I’m good to go for a little target practice tomorrow. 

The next-to-last thing Coach said to me today was “when you go to sleep tonight, think about finishing high – blades on the water.” But really, this East Coast urban liberal will be thinking “revolver or automatic?”

Finally, about 4:30, I started getting that pre-race adrenaline, doing a little erging, seeing how I felt.  I always feel like something’s wrong.  Like I didn’t warm up right and my back is waiting to explode. Or I should have eaten a better lunch and now I’m weak. Or I have cancer and it’s showing itself by attacking my thigh muscles.

The first race was the Mixed D class. I love racing in the mixed boats because, with the women, the boats set better and it’s generally a nicer row.  And it’s just fun to row with people you don’t normally get to row with – nothing gets you closer to your teammates than racing with them, and my teammates are pretty cool.

I hate rowing with the women because I think that they secretly (sometimes not so secretly) think that the men are just a bunch of artless muscle-heads.  And I’m the team poster boy for artless muscle heads, though not as muscle-y as I might like (especially when I’m wearing my uni rowsuit) and I feel like – especially from five seat – I’m confirming the worst fears of the four mean girls immediately behind me.

The winsome foursome rowing behind me are incredible rowers with years more experience and way more big wins at the highest competitive levels than I have, and I knew that if we boys could work enough artistry into our muscling to keep the boat reasonably set, we all might come away with some hardware.    

Allison reminded me not to spazz out at the start (she said it nicer than that, our women are only “mean girls” in my paranoid imagination) and we got off the line in third, not bad for us. Chinook, who’s always tough, had us by a seat and Ashville had them by two more. 

It was like “Ashville?”  We’d never rowed against them, that I can recall, and certainly never gunned down to the line for a photo finish with one of their boats.

I wanted to like Ashville.  Seems like kind of the place you want to move to when you chuck the rat race and open a little steak frites joint with unisex bathrooms to piss off the conservatives and host traditional acoustic mountain music Tuesday nights and acid jazz on Thursdays.  You know: work, camp in the Great Smokey Mountains and row for a club that wins a few big races.

But not this race.  Not against us. We caught them at the halfway point and slowly walked past.  It was Chinook we had to fight off in the end, finally putting them away with our monster sprint which was actually only like four strokes long because our cox misjudged the finish line and it wasn’t ten seconds after she yelled “take it up” the horns went off. If she’d called the sprint a little earlier we might have won by more than eight tenths of a second.  But, no harm, no foul.  Besides, we’re all afraid of her, so what are we going to say?

Sue was back for the next race, the men’s E-8.  We won a race earlier this summer with the E boat lineup and the coach said “good win – you’re defending national champions, remember” which was a thought I‘ve always found slightly surreal.  I’ve never been “defending national champion” in anything and a few years back, when I read the Capital Rowing Club website before coming back to the sport, I read “competes on a national level” and decided to go out for the less gung-ho club team.  But, there it was.

There were some changes from last year. I was coming back from the injury, another guy had a baby and a third guy had been creamed by an idiot while cycling to practice and was out.  But we rowed the new lineup regularly and you could really feel the boat coming together, rowing pretty well.  I like rowing with the old guys, the geezer boat – eight of us raging against the dying of the light but with a certain élan.   

And this year, maybe because I’d expected to have such a lousy season, I was more attuned to the boat as a whole — to being part of a lineup rather than a guy whose first priority was trying to fight his way into the lineup.   The boat felt good.

Ashville lined up next to us again, a boat with a distinctly thuggish look which made me want to move there and join their club even more, steak frites and acid jazz or not.  Boats where the guys mostly look like dive bar bouncers not only win races, I suspect they’re fun to drink with after.

But it was Western Reserve and Riverfront Recapture who jumped out on us, taking seats at the start — as someone always does, dammit! But, if we didn’t row as pretty as we’ve rowed in practice, we rowed pretty good and caught ‘em — as we often do.  And with Sue calling the sprint at a more appropriate distance from the finish we raced into a two second win over two strong crews. 

It must have been sometime in January and I was laying off the hydrocodone [opioid pain medication] and my back hurt and I was out of shape and bitter and the weather was cold and I was looking at unemployment because I worked in government and the government was changing, and I was stomping around and whining that “next season is fucked, just fucked!”  And Laura, who probably also saved my life after my wife, Stephanie, died, gave me this look she saves for when I’m just being stupid (she’ll take a little whining, but she hates stupid) and just said “no, no it’s not.”

And she gently encouraged the self-rehab and the cult gym workouts that seem to help your body’s balance and, eventually, the erging even when it was inconvenient to her and when she had to listen to tedious analyses of the day’s workout.

And the guys, our team, welcomed me back and did the hardest thing: showing up every morning tired and sore and determined to work to the edge of exhaustion and row better every day — and forge eight of us into one boat. 

And women’s and mixed boats medaled in two other events, a great start to this year’s racing.

And Guennadi and Elena – who have patiently coached me up over six seasons and once again showed their talent for bringing out our best when it matters most. 

And seven months after I though the season was busted, I was in Tennessee, doing that asshole thing of strutting around with two medals on my chest, showing off and enjoying what a friend of mine calls “the clank factor”  and feeling a little amazed and very grateful.

It was a great day – for the team. 

The post US Masters Rowing National Championships – Day 1 musings appeared first on Rowperfect UK.

Related posts:

World Championships Day 2

World Championships Day 3

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