#me when i enjoy making art for myself and other people
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Happy valentines day!!!! Have I ever talked about how much I love you guys? No? Well get ready because I’m about to because it’s Valentines and I have an excuse to be a sap
sort of going randomly here so none of these are in any pattern
anyways!!
@lifemod17 : Hello! I haven’t know you for very long, but it already feels like I’ve known you for ages! Even if we don’t interact a whole lot past the exchanging of skies, I still love it when you come across my dash! The unique and thoughtful ways you respond to every ask are so amazing, making everyone feel heard no matter what was said. Love talking to you, and I hope your day is full of the love you show everyone else!
@hookedhobbies Heya! We don’t talk a whole lot, I know. But I still really like it when I see your profile. You are an absolutely amazing writer, no matter what you write. And it probably doesn’t mean much from me—especially not this late—but I’m so proud of you for passing the bar exam! You’re so incredibly smart and creative and it’s always wonderful seeing whatever you come up with next. I hope you have a wonderful day, and that you and Mr.Kate enjoy your Valentines!
@tonguetyd hihi! We definitely haven’t been moots long, lol. I may not have much to say yet, but I can already tell that you’re an amazing person just based on how you interact with other people! Plus, your contributions to the ST space are so wanted, they’re so neat frfr- hope your Valentines was awesome!!
@corviisquire helloo! We don’t talk much past ocs, but I just wanted to say: you are. super awesome!!! your art is amazing, no matter what you create. (Plus I’m a little obsessed with Varre and Constantine, lol) Love seeing you on my dash!! Hope you had a good Valentines :33
@boy-oh-boyflux-bitch hey mate! I know we definitely don’t talk a lot, but it’s always nice seeing you pop up! Even if I don’t get much of Saw, it’s really cool seeing what you contribute to the fandom!! Hope your Valentines was super awesome!
@mongooseundertheporch Hey Will! I hope that you and everyone you know are doing well. We haven’t talked in a little while, but I just wanted to drop by and wish you a happy Valentines! [And as for you, Roach, I hope everything has been going well for you! It’s always super fun seeing you cross my dash, whether as Will or not. Hope your Valentines has been/went well!]
@thatfuckinjester Jesterr!!!! Hey there friend :D Really hope you’re doing good! Haven’t interacted in a hot second, but every time I see one of your posts I smile a little. You are an amazing writer (no matter what the anons I smited may think) and so so creative!!! The angst you make is just so delicious and hurts the feels in all the right ways. Hope you get some good sleep, and I hope your Valentines goes well :)
@ouijamonstrr Halo, hello! I know we don’t talk much outside of me sending you the occasional bug, but you’re such a cool person!! Musician AND entomologist?? WHAT!!!! Being so awesome is a crime man—Anyways, in all seriousness: it is super amazing seeing you around and having you as a moot, and I hope your Valentines goes well!!
@miss-multi45 Short queen, lol— Yet ANOTHER cool writer moot!!!!! I always love reading what you write, no matter the character! (and i certainly don’t mind finding new hot men to thirst over, lmao) Ur super awesome-sauce, and I hope your Valentines goes well!!
Finally, last and but certainly not least, my husband x2. @polteergeistt . You strange and peculiar bastard/affectionate. You have been such an amazing influence on my life. Did you know you were the first person I ever interacted with on Tumblr? It was so cool, seeing someone I genuinely thought was super amazing respond to my dumb little facts! I’ve always felt safe to be myself around you, because I know that no matter what I say or do I just get the freak thrown right back at me. I’m so happy I get to know you and talk to you so often, even if the conversations aren’t anything meaningful. I hope your Valentines went amazingly, and I’m definitely chomping ur fingers while we eat carmelly shit together >:3
Anyways with all the sap aside, I hope everyone had an amazing day filled with everything you enjoy! I’m sending heart-shaped lollipops and dumb little cards to every single one of you in my heart :33
#excuse the overuse of amazing and cool and whatnot its after school and my brain is fried#and i may not be having a small sugar crash lol#if it’s no longer valentines for any of yall please pretend it is lmao#nonsensical rambling#Do I have a ‘critter is a big ol sap’ tag yet? no? maybe i should#also excuse any typos as previously mentioned my brain is fried and im tired#(-w-Uu)
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Hi ! I’ve been a massive fan through the years, seeing you develop Hyden and his world and how full of life and wonder and details is so awe inspiring and cool! I really love your work and your style is so vibrant and electric! It always makes me happy when I see your posts pass by
I wanted to ask if you had any advice about wanting to share your stories with the world. I get so anxious that no one will care and I’ll just be posting to no one. I don’t want fame , just mutual interaction or have people genuinely curious , hear about others stories and be able to tell my own
How did you start? I don’t want to assume , but you do have so much confidence and are very well spoken in the way you explain your lore, what helped you get over any fears or worries?
Gosh, thank you so much for the compliments! That's so sweet of you to say… it means a lot to me that people enjoy my stuff.
My thoughts on your other questions about sharing stories are long, rambling, and disjointed… apologies in advance for the length, I swear I tried to edit this down:
Regarding sharing stories, I'd say the most useful thing you can possibly have is to have at least one friend you share story stuff with who is totally on board with it and having fun too. I've been coming up with stories and characters my entire life, and only twice have I really had an audience for it. Every other time it was just me and my sister, or me and a couple friends, or me and my wife doing creative stuff semi-privately just for the joy of the craft.
(Of course, I know that's easier said than done… but if you do have creative friends, organizing some plans to share stories with each other, ask questions, create AUs where your OCs from different stories interact with each other, etc can be very psychologically nutritious.)
Regarding feeling anxious, I suppose I never felt much anxiety about it myself, so I'm not sure how to advise there… I was a teenager on Neopets where putting massive amounts of work into character stories that nobody might ever read was the norm… unless you were astronomically popular, it was expected that you would probably never hear from your audience and would never know how many people read your stories. Everything was primarily for your own entertainment, and I carried that approach forward into other creative works. Of course, it's hard not to feel a little self-conscious these days, when you can easily see what people are saying and see who is getting "engagement" and who is not... but I do think that aiming to entertain yourself (and perhaps one or two friends) first and foremost is the healthiest approach. Plus, if you are really invested in something and constantly producing lots of art and info about it, people tend to pick up on that positive energy.
Apologies if this isn't super useful... I know "just don't care and also happen to have a bunch of friends with very specific interests!" is not very helpful advice in itself.
I have many other thoughts on "launching" a story, how to meet other OC creators, and trying to build an audience who interacts with your characters... it's something I've thought about a lot. I can share my insights for others in this boat, if anyone's interested? I'm unsure if I should include them here since it might feel lecture-y to Anon (and also this post is long enough, PHEW). Let me know if you're interested in hearing them though!
#ack sorry anon this is way too long and kind of jumbled#I need to stop trying to re-edit this response and just go do Wishbone though#anon#ask#not an art post#also... again thank you for the super sweet message... it means a lot to hear
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Today is Valentine's Day, but it also marks one year since Miraculous Ladybug re-entered my life!
I discovered the show a bit before the English dub released back in 2015, watching it mainly in Korean with subtitles. It was so exciting seeing more and more people talk about this obscure little french cartoon once the dub came out!
But with increasing popularity came...other things. Art theft, harassment, young kids not really understanding how to behave in fandom spaces, and then Astruc himself replied sarcastically to a comment I'd made under one of his tweets (though in retrospect what he said was actually pretty funny). Then I had to end a really big friendship with someone I'd met because of the show, and I found myself in a weird position. Keep watching the show I loved, even though doing so made me uncomfortable due to those negative associations, or drop it entirely?
So I dropped it entirely. I put all the dolls and action figures somewhere I wouldn't be able to see them. Started a new account where I could engage with other fandoms. I stopped writing and reading Miraculous fanfic, stopped making Miraculous fanart, and forced myself to fixate on other things.
Years passed, and eventually, the thought of the show stopped making me feel so uncomfortable. I still couldn't bring myself to watch it, but I started a rewrite project, trying to fix the things I remembered not enjoying about the first two seasons of the show (which was all I'd seen at the time). I bought a couple of the new Miraculous dolls, super jealous that Kids These Days are getting so much better merch than I had when I was a fan of the show. Got some of the kwami blind bag kwami figures too, and I developed a habit of keeping one with me in my bag when I went to work.
That rewrite project never went very far, since I was hoping to do my own take on the episodes, and most of the episodes had become a distant memory by that point. In fairness, it had been like 6 years. I'd have to rewatch the show, and I still wasn't ready for that.
Then, on this day last year, something happened. I was staying at my parents house after an especially stressful work week, and I was browsing Netflix. And what would be on the front page, but Miraculous Ladybug: The Movie.
I had vivid memories of binging the show on Valentine's Day as a kid. I used to really associate the day with Marinette and Adrien, so Valentine's Day felt a bit like a nice opportunity to appreciate a ship that made me so happy.
So I watched the movie, justifying to myself that it wasn't like I was watching the show, it was just one movie and it would probably suck anyway.
But it didn't suck. It very much didn't suck. In fact, I LOVED it. It brought back so many memories, the love square was so sweet, the kwamis were such a cool idea, Hawkmoth was so fun, the akumas were so creative, Marinette and Adrien were so cute! It reminded of all the things I used to legitimately love about the show, rather than the stuff I didn't. When I was watching the movie, I wasn't thinking about that friendship that ended, or the art that got stolen. I was thinking about these kids, how much I loved them, and how much I loved their story. And I realised something that, in retrospect, should have been obvious.
It wasn't the SHOW that made me uncomfortable. It was my negative associations related to it. The show did nothing wrong, it was always fun and always made me happy. It was my bad experiences themselves that tainted it.
So I thought it over, and decided to continue the show from where I left off, even if the thought of doing so made me feel kind of sick and uncomfortable.
And I liked it. No, I didn't just like it-- I LOVED it. It was so fun?? And interesting??? And--wait oh my god is that PLOT?! Wait wait wait Marinette is overwhelmed???? I've felt like that!!! And--oh!!! Who is this Félix guy?? He's a reference to the pilot!! And he's so fun!! And Kagami? I remembered her being a boyfriend stealer but she's actually not at all and she's actually really sweet??? And Alya!!! Ride or die bestie Alya!!!
Needless to say, I couldn't stop watching after that. I binged seasons 3 and 4 in the span of I think two days, then immediately moved on to season 5, and I had a wonderful time. I was also a lot happier in general. It felt like I'd regained a part of myself that I'd lost, or rather, willingly left behind.
I know there's a lot of discourse online about whether or not the show is good, about if its even worth watching, but to me, that stuff sincerely doesn't matter. Miraculous Ladybug makes me very happy, which is why you'll never see me engage in Miraculous Ladybug salt discussions. I can critique it sometimes, but I've spent enough time looking down on this show. I'd rather love it for what it is and appreciate the joy it's always brought me.
So yes, today isn't just Valentine's Day. It's the anniversary of the day Miraculous Ladybug came back into my life, and the day I regained a piece of myself I'd long forgotten.
I loved the movie so much, I started binging Miraculous Ladybug for the first time in a long time, and I'm having a blast, so I wanted to draw something! It's actually based on a piece I drew in 2016 and then redrew in 2017. I think I've come a long way as an artist, and I'm so proud of the improvement!
Bug out!🐞
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/ce1018792ffaa20ab168dd245a451d8b/8724c185703d3c0c-28/s540x810/06900b29e98f49a5c1719cfce46bddaff1594644.jpg)
#thena thoughts#miraculous ladybug#valentines day#adrinette#adrienette#miraculous tales of ladybug and chat noir#anniversary#miraculous the movie#mlb
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c]:^) <— do you like his hat? Silly little cowboy!
#im not fucking animating the static this has 200 frames for correct pacing URGHHHH...#me when i#me when i enjoy making art for myself and other people#GRRRHHHGGGGGGGHHKJNMUHYHGDTI#if you see mistakes NO YO U DONT#[you've got mail!]#spamton#spamton g spamton#deltarune#deltarune spamton#deltarune chapter 2#most miserable sopping wet excuse of an addison#if there was something to hear you would get a description
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starting to think that maybe it's a good idea to stop forcing myself to create and take a break actually
#i really want to make something. i don't feel good not working on things. i don't feel good just watching videos all day#but i think i need that right now haha#it's so difficult to do anything and it's impossible to enjoy it#and trying to work in another medium doesn't help either#i just need to rest#i just need to be nice to myself and think my little thoughts and rewatch hbomb and gabi belle for a thousandth time#and talk to people i like and treat myself to an occasional sweet#this does mean spending time away from the creative side of fandom because i do get a little jealous of people who can create still#i want to appreciate others' art but i need to be in a better headspace for it#so i'm just taking my time#i will still be opening commissions later this week because maybe money will be enough of an incentive for me to get to work#and i just really really need the money haha#and i need to promote my stuff in certain places and i need to have my comms open for that#but even then I'll try to take it easy#either way i love you all and i appreciate that even when i don't have anything to give people choose to be kind to me#i promise I'll repay you. even those who just donated money to me. if only a fraction of it but I'll give back i swear
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OMORITOBER DAY 14: LIBRARY
i like to imagine spirit mari tossing down her favorite memories for omori to read while peeking around to see omori's reaction :3
i was thinkin of drawing her too, but honestly i wasnt very sure what pose to do and i was a bit tired !!
thanks to @/ntrogensolar for the omoritober prompt list!
extra rant in the tags ab why this isnt a full piece!
#artists on tumblr#omori#omori fanart#omoritober#inktober#ez_draws#ez_rants#so heres the deal#i get very tired easily with the whole onyl certain amount of 'spoons' per day thing#i spend most of my time doing my homework#and after that i feel like ive gotta finish the drawing for the day#this means i subconsiously sacrifice time doing things that i truly wanna do including spending time with my friends and doing other things#if i prioritize doing the things that i want to do a little more than this challenge#it ends with me kiiinnddaaa staying up pretty late trying to finish the art#and also lower quality art in general!#however i dont wanna quit the challenge just yet; we'll see how things go but for now i was thinking just doing a sketch! it allows me to-#still do a daily drawing which is great for someone who sometimes goes months without drawing and still not burning myself out on the dail#for example - this drawing took about an hour even though i took my time! and i was also able to spend time with friends and family and-#still be productive! i know i dont have to explain myself; its my art after all but yk i like to explain stuff especially when in relation#to my art! i wanna make sure the art i make is something i truly enjoy and not a plaguing responsibility- so i'll be adapting this-#challenge to my own needs! anyway thats all- sorry for the long rant! and congrats to the people who have enough time and motivation to do#the full challenge!!!#ok byebyeee! and i might be posting more silly sketches in my free time!#rant over <3
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how would u guys feels about me selling stuff on inprnt? it likely wouldn't be fanart, it'd be original works—prolly mostly october eighteenth stuff. there might be fanart but i'm still deciding. any interest
#qktalks#assuming i . get accepted <33hahah#i complain for a while down below ˅ so . ignore the tags if u don't wanna hear my thoughts on selling stuff#if anybody remembers i used to sell stuff on redbubble and i closed the shop bc:#a) the artist margins r . fucking Pennies it feels like#and b) i felt . weird.selling my art to people#it felt unfair ? idk how to describe it#i know logically it doesn't make sense but it feels selfish to make people pay for my art#bc 1) i rly don't think it's worth money. but that's another can of worms#and 2) i think my art should be enjoyed for free ? that's just.how i think it should be#and to be clear i don't think this rule should apply to Other artists. it's just me. and yes logically that's ridiculous but#it's just how i feel. they're allowed to get money for their art. me tho ? fuggetaboutit#and im not much of a .. physical art kind of person? i don't rly.Get it. i guess. i've purchased One physical piece of art in my entire lif#other than that i just.don't see why people would buy physical art. not judging them for it ofc but im just not the type#so in my perspective idk why on EARTH anybody would buy physical stuff with My art on it. what. why would that be in demand#that ^ WAS how i thought. back when i closed the redbubble shop#but i recently searched all my favorite artist's profiles to see if they had shops that sold bookmarks#and i found myself ? sad when i discovered a fav artist of mine didn't have a shop or didn't offer bookmarks#and then it Clicked and i was like Ohhhhhh.#so yeah uhm . maybe ill put up a shop ? eventually.#i have to . make the art first. since i don't have any original works yet#but i was planning on doing more this year anyway so <3
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guys maybe my mother is right maybe i need to go to the lebanese church and talk to nice boring lebanese church men and find a husband.....
#my dudes i am 25 and a 6 months that's 25 and a half...#i want children so bad and my parents will never be ok with me adopting or any other option where im a single parent right#and i do not wanna be disown i got a taste of that summer 2023 and it is not for me...#which means i need a stupid husband#so mathematically if you think about it even if i met someone today + 2-3 yrs dating + 1 yr being engaged + 9 months#that means the earliest i have a kid is age 30#which is fine its good its fine but it means i need to find someone now instead of going dancing 2+ times a week#and twirling my hair when that tall girl comes to talk to me#and i need to stop going to the old woman art center 2+ times a week because all the women there are literally 55+ yrs old and no one my ag#and i need to build a real adult life for myself you knwo etc etc#lifelong friendships that will last not just the girls i dance with at the bar and speak 3 words to and not the old women who have real#friends and lives im not part of#i need to stop pretending what i have is a real adult life and i need to quit this job that is killing my brain and making me soooo numb an#indifferent to everything!!!!!#or maybe i need to just move back to my small village and help people rebuild and plant tomatoes and cucumbers and live a good life there i#the sun and have three goats..... no internet no dancing no multiculturalism#most nights i wish for that so so bad.... no computers no bad eyesight no depression just the sun and the tomatoes and a big empty house#and having coffee with my old 2nd degree aunts#what do i even need degrees for maybe i need to save enough money to go and survive a few years living with relatives and enjoying my days#before we all die like what is the point of the 9-5 shaboozey is rigth#literally selling our time and for what..... we should be spending it with the people we love literally i will die from all the regret i ha#e#collected already and i am only 25 and a half... i cant collect more regret man#and literally if i tell my parents i wanna move back there on my own and live a simple life on my own i wanna make my own bread and cheese#and listen to music in the sun and nap they will think im insane#etc etc we moved here for you better future etc we are both engineers you need to do something > more than that etc etc#what if i wanted to live on a farm and what if that dream was so attainable why would you take that away from me the life i want is right t#there. plane ticket away
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Whoopsie time
#vent tw#cw vent#I'm stupid to have dropped out of college#now I don't know what I'm doing and I can't do the very passion I set out to do#Animation was my dream and I ruined it for a guy who groomed me and ended up physically abusing me.#I didn't realize trying to animate and failing because I don't understand it no matter what I look up about it would result in a breakdown#Not to mention I'm regressing in my art skill right now.#My art is ASS right now no matter how hard I try to improve it#references... Practice... Doodles... Warmups you name it#nothing is going right and I have the urge to quit art altogether#I'm not going to and I can't bring myself to ever do that but It's aching inside me#I want my art to be good according to me. not others. People can say it's great but if I don't like it... I'm not going to settle for it#I shouldn't have left#I loved college#I loved SELU#I loved my life back then#And now I'm here. And I'm not happy anymore.#Even with writing. I even took a long break from writing and I still can't do it right according to myself.#Now I have no muse or motivation for any of it#I feel empty. And I can't go to therapy because I can't afford the balance on my account.#I just feel like I failed.#I feel like I failed my parents and myself. They always tell me theyre so proud of me but I don't understand how they can be.#Not when I ended up in two severely abusive relationships... Dropped out of college twice... And now work in a factory full time.#Yeah i make decent money in a place I enjoy but it all just feels empty.#I could've been more#i could've done better#[[out of ammo]];; ooc
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guy who’s entire self worth and will to live when it is entirely and completely reliant on other people’s opinions on their work or something (IT DOES NOT EXIST WHATSOEVER)
#the crier#can i please please please die or just become perfect like everyone else is so i don’t have to experience this thanks#please genuinely kill me i’m going to be sick nothing i make is ever going to be loved there is no amount of changes that can be made#the art will reflect the artist and the artist is insignificant and worthless and unattractive and unappealing#it all means nothing and it all was nothing. i’ve accepted this but i’m never going to be okay with it#what the hell is even left here for me. what was i doing. i’m nothing. i don’t even exist#i just. i dont know. i wanted to exist.#i wouldn’t even care if *I* was loved. can’t you love what i love too? i made it. why doesn’t anyone see anything.#there isn’t anyone here man. no sincerity. i know what sincerity looks like. all i get something you people toss to me to shut me up#i’m genuinely scared i don’t have anything else. i don’t have anything else i don’t think anyone understands that this was my life#this is my last thread#i have no other reason to be here#i don’t think anything would stop me if this falls apart too#thinking about it more i want to say that i’d be fine with loving my creations myself. even if nobody else does. i think. they still make#me happy. i’m still happy. i think i can be fine if i just love them some more. i can still love them. and that will be enough. they’re fin#and i will be fine#i can just keep loving them and it will be fine. i don’t need anytone else to love them . i’m sorry#i’m still scared that i won’t let myself handle it. i’m scared and i don’t know why i’m so dependent on it i hate it i’m so so sick of it#i don’t want attention i dont want to need it i hate that i need it and i hate how. stupid. i get#when i just THINK that it’s not enough#why can’t i just carry them and myself away and enjoy them by myself. why do i need this so bad#i dont know why i need it so bad. they don’t even care. they arent real. they wouldn’t even want that attention on them
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#i know we on tumblr have already known about the whole thing with ng for months#but this new article that has just come out makes me feel even more vindicated than i did before#regarding my own taste in people#before i ever even knew that ng and ap were a couple or had anything to do with each other at all#i already had the ick about each of them separately#i've disliked ng's vibe since literally college and never got into him even when some close friends adored him#and i listened to a song of two of ap's but just... didn't like the impression of her personality that came through in her music#and for both of these things i couldn't explain it and had no justification#and usually presented it in a sort of self-deprecating apologetic way#if i wasn't completely concealing my feelings and going 'oh yeah they're great!' in order to fit in#but i feel like i'm learning a big lesson about trusting myself lately. i really do have good instincts generally. i should listen to them#(obligatory disclaimer here about how 'everyone is problematic in some way' and you don't have to stop enjoying someone's art etc.)#(but that's another whole convo and let's not get into it now)#(point is: this is just me feeling a sobering sense of 'holy shit' in awe as i look back at my own feelings over the past)#anyway. all this said. i do feel really bad rn for people who always loved his work#this must be so much harder for them than it is for the rest of us. i'm sending them strength and love </3
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*draws something for the first time in a while. “Man I suck at drawing! Maybe go back to being good at it if I draw more!”
*doesn’t draw
*doesn’t draw
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“Oh I got a neat idea for a drawing! Surely I have gotten better by now!” Loop post
#this revelation brought to you by the one and only#midnight brainrot#probably could not of put these things together without the malaise of a mind awake at 3 am again despite saying that they’re ”trying to fix#their sleep schedule ~”#bah. I say things yet never do them. my brain always blocks any sort of progress with ”just one more video”#even fun and enjoyment bends the knee to this declaration#even other YouTube videos!#when I do break it I end up back where I was because like asking for literally anything my brain does so much pushback that it feels#inherently wrong on a fundamental level#I don’t think I’m depressed I like life too much and enjoy existence#is this my brain punishing me for not dying before reaching adulthood like I always thought I would? or is it punishment for not constantly#going from the end of high school to another school like I planned because my purpose in life was to learn and go to school until I die#now I am left without purpose. literally wandering my house like a ghost when no one’s home#I say the two same things to my brother when he gets home so much that he once made a joke about me being an npc#and the worse part is. it wasn’t about that dumb TikTok brainrot meme thing. no it was because I say the exact same things the exact same wa#y every time he gets home. worse more is I can think of several other ways that that statement could be more accurate that he doesn’t know a#bout#I wish to game but never do#I want to make art and such but I never do#I went to an art class for years when I was a kid for Pete’s sake!#my parents complain about my hair being too long and I agree but I still want it long I just always kept it short because of simple ma#maintenance. the only reason I ever grew it out was to keep warm I. the winter!#I spent my childhood with self imposed utilitarianism for no reason#no reason to expand my horizons and explore myself because I thought of myself as a lesser being that was fated to die randomly before#I could reproduce.#oh my goodness the reproduction thing! I thought I was straight for the longest time because I had to be#because the purpose of a person is to reproduce. yet I was all like”I can’t reproduce as I am autistic and would taint my offspring. I am a#genetic dead end and deserve to have the effect of natural selection take place”#through tv show mimicry and being a utilitarian little git I forced myself to be straight for years#and the worse part is I KNEW GAY PEOPLE EXISTED AND I ENVYED THEM FOR NOT HAVING TO REPRODUCE OH MY GOD IS THIS WHAT KARKAT FELT LIKE? NO I
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theOrEticalLy . if I opened commissions at some point. would there be. a smackerel of interest . ??
#i have never opened them bc it’s intimidating and I don’t know how to price things!!#but mostly bc i work full time w a good salary so I don’t really need side things to make money#like it feels selfish to suggest that people should pay me to make fanart?? When#a) I already do that for free bc i enjoy it lol#and b) there are so many creators out there who are struggling to make ends meet#and I am privileged enough to generally not have to worry about that#this would be just like extra spending money to fund my scented candle habit DHDJDN#and the clothes I just bought while trying to Discover My Vibe and Finally Be Myself (at age 28 lol)#also tbh it would likely be reinvested in other commissions bc I buy commissions fairly often lol#anyway. idk the idea of commissions always sounded cool but also guilt inducing and scary#it feels weird and silly bc it would make me have to take my art seriously if that makes sense??#like me saying ‘I think I’m good enough at art that people would buy it from me.’ that feels so bold and like. arrogant or something dhjsjd#coming from me I mean. just a silly little guy who still struggles to draw human limbs properly#ok I’m thinking about how I’d have to make a commission sheet and put a dollar sign on my art and I’m aaaaaaa#and I’d have to execute exactly what people want and what if I can’t!!!#omg ok maybe noT help lol#well im not committing to anything rn im simply. asking a question while the dash is asleep and then running off to bed seeya#i think part of me always wanted to try commissions to see if I could be a Real Artist about it ??#and potentially end up with like. Portfolio pieces ??#why I would need an art portfolio I don’t know. I am an editor. What do I think I will be doing here#ppl left comments on my animatic that have been giving me crazy what if thoughts. sit down#don’t look at me#ohhh swirly brain thoughts I need to sleep
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Wait a second... can someone with more understanding of fandom cultures explain something to me?
Do people ship characters because they believe they are going to be a cannon thing????? I thought it was just for fun?? I'm like, oh these two characters seem fun together, what if they dated. I just be mixing and matching these bitches I legit dgaf if it actually happens or not.
Maybe it's just whatever weird end of tiktok I'm on, or maybe it's just something I never picked up on until now, but like,,, people will say, "oh these ships are invalid cuz they won't be cannon" OK????? AND??? It's just fun
Like I remember being a kid and watching shows and my friends being like oh did you see that (insert ship name) scene???? Like girl I don't care. Two characters could never have interacted and I'm gonna ship them.
And that's all I thought it ever was? Is it like,, different now or some shit?
#this is totally unrelated to sso btw#i want to make art for shows and games im into but man.... it just feels like im inviting fandom people in when i do#and dont get me wrong#its very emotionally rewarding to build an audience for my art#but after the weird ass shit i went through with the metal family fandom im like#mildly traumatized#just a LIIIIIIITTLE more apprehensive about who is going to be consuming my art#cuz like#last time i was a part of a very active fandom#id get comments on pictures of myself saying i look like a certain anime character#or id have my art taken an posted somewhere else online with some other persons water mark put over it#or worse yet have my art be posted onto a proship fan art account and then getting all those freaks on my art#IF i was even credited#im such a person of quiet or dead fandoms#i feel elderly when im interacting with a fan base thats more popular#also#this whole ramble in the tags is not entirely related to creating ship content either#yes i would make ship art of appropriate character's but also like... just my art in general#anyways#this is just a long winded way of saying i watched the amazing digital circus pilot and really enjoyed it and feel super inspired by it but#and not to be like an angry old man and say “raugh!!! the fandom is weird!!!”#but id rather.... not... interact with the fandom#at least the portion ive seen anyway#just the random discourse i see in comment sections#its got me scratching my head a little
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the difference btwn irl and online perspective on creativity is so funny to me and idk if I'll ever get used to the stark contrast of it all.
IRL when I mention that I draw and write, people act like I'm some super talented creative genius(???). they don't seem to understand the concept of OCs, and if I try to vaguely touch on my DL project they get visibly overwhelmed no matter how simple I make it for them, and eventually they settle on just insisting that I need to publish traditionally and monetize on it. they don't seem to have the ability to understand the concept of zines and immersive storytelling through non-traditional means.
but then i get online and I'm just another drop in the ocean and always a very mediocre drop at that LMAO, I constantly fight with myself to feel like there is any sort of value to my stories and art, and there's hundreds of people doing the sort of thing that I do but even better than I could ever dream of doing!
it's just so strange going from interacting with this online to IRL, I feel like I'm getting whiplash from being largely ignored or scoffed at online (which I'm fine with btw lol I grew up with that in my family and now I get nervous when I get too much attention) to people at the centre treating me like I'm some kind of artistic genius who cannot be understood because I'm too far above their level 😭
#i simplify the things i talk about so much too like djdksl i rly make it as easy as possible to understand#i continue to simplify things more and more when i talk to ppl. i get vaguer and vaguer. and yet !!!!#it rly is not difficult to understand i feel like ??? the concept of zines is just so simple really#but these ppl are all so deeply entrenched in traditional novels that the concept of a zine is far outside their understanding ig 😭#im just dhfjdls struggling going back and forth btwn these two spaces of online vs IRL#the thing is that i do just want to share my ideas w ppl! i enjoy it!#and i want to hear their ideas too!#but everyone is so weird irl to me about it ??? like. calm down. im a little freak. do not treat me like im way beyond ur understanding!!#if u played w me in the space then u would see oh actually art is smth everyone can engage in!!!#art is not for ''talented'' people only!!! everyone can make it!!! u gain skill the longer u work on it!!#i prefer sharing stuff online bc of this fjdkdl but then online has its drawbacks too#i have a hard time not being mean to myself abt how my work does not measure up to other ppls fjfkdl#which is silly bc i LOOOVE seeing ppl make art no matter what their skill level or whatnot#and i get sad seeing ppl be down on themselves abt their creations#but ... idk sbdjdl I'm rambling LOL i was just thinking abt how strange all this is#sorry for the weird ramble post LOL this is probably smth that should go on my main account but too late now fjdkdl#dandy.cmd#vent //#not rly meaning for this to be a vent but i think perhaps it has some flavours of being one LOL
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Hey y'all, just so all of my fic readers are aware: I've kinda been losing motivation writing wise, I'm just not getting as much enjoyment (read: engagement) out of it and it's just not as worth it anymore to me. I'm still going to be writing, there's still things I want to work on, but probably not as frequently as I had been. Sorry about that
#man i feel like i sound like a greedy bastard for this but its true: i exclusively write for the engagement and knowing people liked it#i dont dislike writing dont get me wrong but if i wanted to create a story only for myself and not for others i would just. daydream about#it while working on chores or art or talk about it with friends. to me writing takes up time i could spend doing something that needs to b#done or could be used for things i enjoy more and just. i do really appreciate every single comment kudo and hit i get but also its very#hard to stay motivated at all when i get nothing out of the effort i put in yknow#when authors say that comments are what make them write faster/more they really do mean it. if you enjoy something someone has created#please tell them. this goes for all artists writers musicians etc.#anyways uh. merry christmas to all and all a goodnight im going to go eat dinner
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