#me when i am in the thick of it
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been working on trying to redevelop my old, more simple art style and i just happen to be going through a hyperfixation phase rn so. here is dave. you know. the coolkid™️
#dave strider#homestuck#god imagine drawing hs fanart in 2022 how lame;;;;;;;;#me when i am in the thick of it#my art#digital drawing#hs#also like. the coloring/shading/rendering/whatever i had been doing was taking more and more time#like drawing became such a chore#like sure i like the details sometimes but ultimately#my lineart just like. looks better with more simple stuff#i wanna have fun again#and i am!!#david
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struggling with this piece and every time i open layers i get jump scared by how the coloring looks
#im hungry and sad and angry#but trudging stubbornly through it#bc i am stubborn#when there are two overlay layers you know theres a fight happening#me: YOU WILL BE BLUE BE BLUE RIGHT NOW#colors: *is purple*#was about to say its more art than science and then like DUH#but also it is science i feel bc color theory but im too hungey to think about color theory im thinking about a deep dish pizza and a heavy#HEAVY THICK#heaping of mac n cheese#the kind of meal that has so much lactose it will strap me to the toilet for the next 5 hours
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okay his outfit has really been bothering me for absolutely ages so here. bastard man.
#warhammer rogue trader#pasqal haneumann#pasqal rogue trader#when i say its been bothering me. know i am too well informed about fabrics and sewing#so i need it to make sense. it cannot be one layer it just doesnt make sense#and [youre seeing my madness now] it SEVERELY bothers me when tech priests dont wear canvas or leather#i am sorry they are NOT going around in lightweight cotton. and have you seen how much oil stains they do not wear velvet or silk either#most insane hc ever: i dont think theyve reinvented polyester yet in 40k. i just cant see it#its like any other oddly specific fabric lost through time#archaeotech yet to be figured out..........#anyway pasqal wears thick leather abel wears stiff canvas thats worn out through the years to be softer
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on one hand, i can make olivine the biggest juiciest bottom where eiden has to top him with climbing gear attached
on the other hand, i could make olivine the equally powerful priestly short king who only reaches eiden's bellybutton but can twirl that boy around his finger like a weighty necklace
#i am ignoring the canon height chart that says eiden and oli are the same height#i never imagine oli as that height 😂#either he's close to garu's height and twice as thick#or he's TOWERING over eiden but still wants to get topped into oblivion by that lil twink#there's a drastic discrepancy between how i draw him and how i imagine him#the canon-adherer in me is fighting back and i'm struggling every day#why would you make them the same height ! ! when you can.... PLAY GAMES LIKE A GOD#STRETCH THEM UP AND DOWN AND ALL AROUND LIKE A WET PIZZA DOUGH#i am torn between several variations of body types for him...#does he have stupid superhero cliche body with booba and no leg? like dante lololol#is he soft and fat and stronkkgk????#is he just as thick in his thighs as his boobs? i hope so.#ARE HIS BICEPS BIGGER THAN HIS CALVES?#OR THE REVERSE?#IS HE PROPORTIONALLY BALANCED IN ALL LIMBS LIKE SOME PERFECT LITTLE FREAK?#will i ever find the way to draw oli that makes me happiest? we continue the journey#for example i love making yaku the most pathetic limp noodle#but oli....oli has multiple critics in my brain weighing in.... debating at all times#WHAT DO I WANNA MAKE HIM LOOK LIKE *Shakes his in-game portrait* WHO ARE YOU OLI#nu carnival olivine
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Opal in the Phoenix library... yeah
#thought I should try making this look like a panel. And it's fine ig? The thickness of the border rubs me the wrong way#besides that: Perspective :D!!! Shout out to perspective my beloved#Oh yeah lore vise the reason why there are no other lightsourcess in the library is because well it was meant to only be visited by phoenix#They didn't even have stairs when they built the library but they had to change that when the king appointed for at least one nonavian#to reside in the library (to enforce control and whatnot)#traversing that place on foot is still strenous because of that history and some stairs are just downright unsave#...because fuck accessibility am I right folks??#art#my art#furry art#oc#furry#original character#feral furry#phoenix#opal#heinrich
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Hook sketch.
#I'm gonna get to the art request I got but I was finishing this up#I love my art style when it's just this but I can never prevent myself from painting#I should cause I'm not good at it#but ye#most classic wmp style#thick black lines dead eyes babey#captain hook#peter pan#how do I even tag this#like this is obviously insp by Jason Isaacs' Hook cause he had a grip on me#I always think that if you scroll through my personal blog you'll definitely think I'm a lesbian but here#this man is the most beautiful man in the world and I am unfortunately not a lesbian#anyway#my art#art#illustration#fanart#artists on tumblr
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going crazy. goobbye.
#the scanner really shows off how bad this paper smudgesss#got a moleskine from the op shop and am very excited about the storyboard page layout and paper thickness. but its a smudgey guy.#anyway. what#i KNOW ppl ship them i know you're out there come party with me. and get them to double digits on ao3.#ive seen a couple ship names but i just keep calling them jo'shea in my head...#which is arguably a terrible ship name when two of the main guys names start with j but also who is out here shipping john and molly.#anyway. they could've fixed each other#i mean obviously they DIDN'T#but y'know. under better circumstances. maybe#karen jones#molly o'shea#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#i literally actually don't know what ship name we use in tags lads. jo'shea it is#jo'shea#goes crazy goes insane. they kiss each other.#also btw btw it's cut off very slightly at the bottom but molly is standing on a thing okay she's not taller than karen. there's a thing#my art lol#click for quality PLEASE it's 600 dpi i promise#WAIT#mary beth gaskill#abigail marston#i forgot. they were there. got so caught up......
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sooooo... *twirls her hair* how many asks should i send until kuwagami art. jk as well. the real question will be: does it happen often that someone else’s art inspires you? in fandom spaces specifically
well you see it’s like a loyalty card program, every 10 asks or so you get a complimentary kuwagami
just kidding you can just breathe in my direction and I’ll be tempted to draw them. kuwagami blast! (you've caught me on a... just okay art day lol)
(people still like kabedons, right?)
anyway for my actual answer: in terms of direct inspiration, it doesn't really happen much? the last two times i did art directly based on someone else's work is probably this one from this fic, and also that time i drew art of someone else's judgment au. oh! and there's that moriohpsycho art based on this comic! (filthyguts' work is so very. hgngngghh. very good.) nothing else really comes to mind, and when i think of the other things i've been into recently there hasn't been as much opportunity for that to happen...
flex and herds = strong fixation but lmao. almost nobody else made stuff about them. nobody is surprised umineko = surprisingly i don't read much umineko fanfiction? and in terms of illustration, i certainly picked up imagery and indirect inspiration but nothing concrete enough for me to give an example... now that i think about it, i did once draw andromalius from redaction/sunny, but that was years ago, and also mostly because i was acquainted with the writer. ...i don't have that artwork on hand right now death note = didn't really get involved with the fandom + i enjoyed my own ideas well enough! ...i can't recall if i drew long-hair-L art before or after seeing other artists do it. and as for everything else the same kind of reasoning applies. didn't really get involved with the fandom or wasn't really compelled to make art in response to stuff i saw, or i just don't remember anymore.
buuuuuuut if we're opening this up to just... pulling ideas from other people? then yeah, all the time, though that kind of goes without saying when you have a creative hobby. ...it's probably going to be hard to come up with examples of this since it's more ambiguous.
there's uhhhhhh... kuwana listens to nickelback which was a @/four-white-trees invention, wasn't it? (EDIT: and @/overdevelopedglasses!) (not tagging in this post so he doesn't feel obligated to read my big ass ask responses 💀) as of writing this, it's not posted but i did end up making kuwagami art based on a nickelback song so. yknow. there's that LMAO
for sawashiro and arakawa, i do sometimes go reference @/todayisafridaynight 's art to help me with my own. ("how did he draw this part of the suit? oh, like that huh? hmm" <- this kind of thing)
and um. i'm not trying to pander to you (at least not this time), but genuinely it's one of the few examples that come to mind at this moment. but when i was writing my first kuwagami fic, i could feel the influence of the ever-changing on my brain... was turning over some of your ideas there...
you remember this? (you even pointed it out in your comment on my fic, and i should've said something then, but whatever i'm saying it now)
that was absolutely because of this
(obligatory poke at anybody else reading this post that you can read passthroughtime's fic here.)
so, um. yeah. not really sure what else to add to that. pretty self evident i think. (i'm always talking about the ever-changing but i don't think i can overstate the impression it left on me at the time)
anyhow there aren't really any other examples off the top of my head! these are all recent examples so they're not so difficult to recall, but there are probably others i've forgotten...
#jitxt#started writing this unsure if i could give many examples and i ended up with more than i expected. nice!#sunny is a very good piece of umineko writing and i should reread it with the author's notes toggled on. and also read redaction#“shouldn't you have read redaction first” n-no. shut up! (besides i think renall said it was fine)#nobody remind me of that 20k note post that's just an uncredited screenshot of sunny. it'll piss me off#as cosmic balance i ought to shill sunny as much as possible#anyway uhhhhhh. the everchanging.#i am awful about receiving compliments (i never know how to respond aside from a rehearsed “thank you”) but i sure am great at giving them!#apologies if i'm laying it on too thick but#1. i am being truthful and#2. i figure it's reparations for all the time i spent as a lurker on the kuwagami ao3 tag#the explosion in my brain when i realised that “the nice person who leaves lots of tags on my kuwagami art”#and “the person who wrote that REALLY FUCKING GOOD FIC” were one and the same. crazy. and now we are mutuals ❤#it is a little funny thinking of when i'd read your and four-white-trees' work before meeting you#real life foreshadowing for me meeting you both....#i still have these discord messages of me telling a friend about both your works#basically: (reading an update to the everchanging) wow that was depressing (reading a joke in four-white-trees' fic) nevermind i'm good now#i ought to reread the everchanging and take detailed notes on all the parts i like#just so you know your impact on my brain lol#kuwana calling yagami a pretty boy and meaning it sincerely oh my GOD. rewired my brain
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this isn't touchstarved related i just wanna say something into a void that cares
getting ready for a concert tomorrow && i was having such horrible body image issues with my skirt x corset combo. just wasn't feeling it. so i thought i'd go a more masc western route to fit the vibe of the artist && wow i love 🩷 masc fits 🩷 i love working WITH not AGAINST my broad shoulders and Thick arms and hiding my boobs away and wow. i love gender nonconformity i love gender expression i love being free. finally free
#sincerely a big tiddy long haired girlie who loves pink but also. wants to be manly sometimes (because i am manly)#i embraced my masculinity when i changed to she/they pronouns and the way my confidence has skyrocketed..#i feel so much more comfortable with my body. my natural body. i've never felt like i fit what a girl is supposed to look like :(#and i would harm myself in various ways trying to achieve what i thought being a girl was.#idk idk idk#it was just one of those moments where i was like oh. i actually like being queer !#bc sometimes . unfortunately i wish differently so my life would be more straightforward#so hooray authenticity and feeling good in your body hooray loving yourself !!!!!#you can't be a Dainty Tiny Sweet girl when you grew up doing physical labor on a farm & having to defend yourself & having hormonal problem#surprise!!!!#get it through your thick skull bitch!!!!! (@ me)
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The best thing about Italy and Europe is that linen just- exists here. I can go buy a shitty cheap 100% linen dress like I would go to Fry's and buy a shitty cheap 100% polyester dress in America. Absolutely revolutionary for my wardrobe. I can't actually buy wardrobe enhancements because I have a carry-on suitcase, but the fact I still have the option is amazing.
#I can't wear polyester because something about my sweat clings to the fibers. I can only wear >60% natural fibers. I've slowly been#weaning all poly out of my wardrobe. The restriction helps a lot preventing impulse buys; but here my impulse buy is only restricted by $$#i am absolutely not crying over the $350 linen women's suit jacket I saw :( UGH it was GORGEOUS and GREEN. I want a linen suit so bad#but honestly it's the kind of thing I should just spend a thousand on and get bespoke I think. It'd look better and feel classier#if you're spending that much money on a thick linen knit in the first place.#Okay tag essay: but can we talk about linen knit fabrics? I've seen so many beautiful linen weaves this weekend I'm losing my mind.#I think there was a kind of Tricot or Bird's Eye knit linen simple-curve dress that blew me away. The amount of work you can do with#two colors and a fashionable knit is insane. Then you wear a jacket over it and the linen is still light enough to wick away sweat but#heavy enough to look fashionable and stay flat. There's really this talented balance of texture that shines in linen. I love linen so much#Anyway! I should've made another post for this but none of these ramblings are important lol#I'm really tired after Anacapri. and dinner. Dinner was kind of dumb. There was confusion about what I wanted. We just wanted#appetizers to share but they gave me a whole plate of octopus. Which I feel bad about eating and don't like the texture after 10 bites.#So I had to give it to dad. Long story short I didn't want to eat anything at all; I wanted to WRITE. But I didn't write. I ate.#I'm already like 10 pounds heavier than when I left lmfao. It's starting to pack on my hips. Damn you Italy!#ptxt
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The consequences of my poor financial decisions are here!!
#blame Kat for this lmao. she got the Yangchen novels first and I very easily give in to peer pressure (that wasn't exerted. but whatever)#three days earlier than scheduled too. which worked out perfectly bc I picked them up on the way home from grandma's#and carried them for 2 km. 2 hardcover books + the thick cardboard boxset they're in#+ the backpack full of food my grandma gave me#in the rain#I nearly fucking died#I'm not made for this level of physical exercise 😅#okay moving on#nia stop calling things like this poor financial decisions challenge#it cost like. the equivalent of 40 bucks#I have 30 times as much hidden away in my sock drawer#and I am usually responsible with my spending. I'm allowed a slightly more expensive treat every once in a while#also my dad doesn't know but I'm sure if I would him 'hey I spent 3.8k on a pair of books is that okay'#he'd be like 'why tf are you asking when have I ever said no to you spending money'#but again. I do try to be mindful#which is why as much as I want the lok art books and could probably ask for money for them. I won't#bc they cost an arm and a leg and I cannot morally allow myself to spend that kind of money#anyway. getting distracted again#do you know how hard it was to get these? I checked like 3 marketplaces before I did#and I was fully ready to get them in russian because non-classical english books are impossible to come by here#sanctions and all that. but somehow I did. and it only cost half the money in my bank account#I don't even know if Russian editions exist. these books were written before the war and before the gay propaganda ban but still#I didn't find them when I looked. maybe they don't sell them now that the law is in place or smth#I don't really care enough to look it up#the point is. I now own the books and can happily read about best girl kyoshi whenever I want#if the stress for an upcoming event doesn't kill me. that is#also I have read rok before but it was 3 years ago so my memory is vague. and I just realised how much thinner sok is?#I'll have to check the page count later
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*cries in Moiraine Sedai*
#the wheel of time#wot season 2#moiraine damodred#moiraine sedai#indeed i doodle#will finish when I am done flailing#you're a cool one#let me tell you something seeing her face feels really emotional after TFoH and right in the thick of WH#oh this impossible stubborn brave little soul#kudos to L for reminding me I've always been obsessed with mentor figure
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i fear having a nice ass and thighs is my greatest strength and also my biggest downfall
#like i am . attractive. yeah iguess. but also this is the only thing that people close to me comment on when it comes to my appearance#and it's like thanks but is there not. other things#idk it makes me feel like kim k when people are like “oh you're so thick” like thanks ? i guess#esp since my Lower Half has always been a huge insecurity for me . so#idk how to describe this. and don't even get me STARTED on shopping for pants oh my god. it's impossible.#bee.txt
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all r-dfem blogs on here are always posting 3 things: a) most vitriolic disgusting display of shaming people for how they look which almost always implicitly or explicitly aligns with some kind of eugenics or racism, b) how everyone who isnt them or disagrees with them is stupid or misguided or has no hope left for them, and c) how lonely and isolated they feel all the time . I wonder when they will join the dots
#like. i do know people who self identify as radfems and they are nice they dont fit these bullet points#but like. that polite persona they exert is a mask for either a LOT of bitterness and a huge lack of empathy. or a lot of self hatred#that is then expressed by being so unnecessarily mean to other people behind their backs 😭#and im all for being mean occasionally im not one to cry and clutch my pearls when people are cunts to other people#but when theres a specific pattern of being mean to specific people (often other women and especially transfems)#for specific things (looks & taste & intelligence). well then its a problem innit#and then theyre also horrible about men which is like. Whatever. but i am off the belief that making fun of anyone#for their looks or appearance or their body and things that they cant help is just so fucking shallow and bleak and stupid#theres plenty of things to make fun of men for like soooooooooooo so many things#and yet the most popular way of doing it. or the one that a lot of these people (radfems and adjacent) think is either most funny#or most cathartic is making fun of mens appearance#so what if hes ''ugly'' and has male pattern baldness and a thick chin and big nose or whatever. i thought we were here to#idk. dismantle the patriarchy. knock men down a notch on the hierarchy. criticise a culture that encourages misogyny#call out the abuse and belittlement of women by men every day. you know. the things intrinsic to our society because of#capitalism and patriarchy and conservativism etc.#NOT perpetuating the culture that shames people for things that they cant change#and if they WANT to change these aspects youre shaming them for they have to spend ludicrous amounts of money#this is the mindset that makes me think bitch we are never getting out of capitalism !!!!!!!!!!#starting shaming behaviours not looks like im BEGGING YOU!!!!!!!!!!#okay thats all i have to say im really sick of this. and some of my mutuals do this and its really upsetting me sorry .
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maybe this vacation was a good idea
#cw abuse#cw child abuse#the more i think on it the more i start to remember#i cant believe id forgotten about this part of my life. its really starting to come back to me#i dont remember the finer details but i am remembering that asshole kid and that he didnt treat me very well#he was very frustrating to be around and i really didnt like him#posting this here because god knows i dont have the energy to send it to each individual server that i want people to see#and im alright with having this be public knowledge. even with the risks that come with it#all i ask is that if you want to ask me anything about this or if you want to know anything at all#please#please please please please PLEASE for the love of god be gentle with me#i literally just found out about this like an hour ago so the shock is still very much fresh#if youre a friend of mine im more likely to trust you but if youre on anon consider your words VERY carefully. very carefully#im thick-skinned when it comes to stuff like this but even now im still a little bit rattled#i think thats all i have to say on this. i love you guys <3 please take care of yourselves
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Love Comes, Slowly. (Death Comes Faster.)
(Or, Furina falls ill, and Wanderer is confronted with the fact he cares a lot more than he realized.)
(He's got a name in this drabble too lads yippee!! He and Furina are close enough now he feels comfortable letting her call him by a name :] oh yeah and uh. This was not intended as shippy, if you were wondering, just to get that out of the way. It's platonic.)
“..ina. Furina!”
The white haired girl blinked owlishly, startled to attention. “Huh? What?”
“This is the third time I've called you,” Tetsuya frowned, eyebrows furrowed. “Are you daydreaming?” Furina flushed in answer, scratching the back of her neck.
“I've just been a little out of it today,” she muttered. That much was an understatement. She'd awaken with a fogginess in her head and a heaviness in her stomach that just hadn't gone away, and everything seemed to be processing twice as slowly, leaving her behind as the world kept moving. Was it always this warm, too??? Furina felt like she was baking, even for a place as warm as Sumeru, something felt off-
“Hey!”
Wanderer's hands grabbing her face snapped her to attention, and Furina instinctively leaned into them a little, comforted by how cool they were. In contrast, his pupils dilated a little - humans were always very warm in contrast to him, but Furina felt especially hot. “Are you sick?”
"I don't know…. maybe…?”
Tetsuya's eyes flashed with something unreadable, and he quickly took his companion by the hand, fear gripping his chest as much as he would deny it was there. “Well, we need to get you medical attention, then.”
“I'll be fine-”
“I know you will,” he asserted, “because we are GOING to get you looked at.” His tone left no room for arguments, and Furina stared at him hollowly before weakly nodding. She didn't understand why he was so vehement all of a sudden, but she didn't have much energy to be stubborn.
“Mkay…”
Tetsuya began to lead her through the city then, and she let herself be pulled along, slipping in and out of awareness as voices around her rose and fell like the tides. Very soon however, it was a struggle just to put one foot in front of the other, and Furina wobbled to a stop, a hand to her temple. Wanderer turned to her then, frowning. “What's wrong?”
“Tired,” she mumbled, barely able to keep her eyes open. “Achy, too…”
“We'll be to the clinic soon, just - we're going to get you some help,” he replied, and if she were fully coherent she'd notice his voice was slightly strained from barely concealed worry. “Come on. You can lean on me if you need to.” He seemed so far away, despite the fact he was right there, and Furina's legs buckled, too weak to support their owner's weight anymore. She crumpled to the ground, and Tetsuya froze, unable to move for a moment. And then the spell was broken, and he knelt by her side, frantic. “Furina!? Hey!! HEY!! Furina!!” With shaky hands, he took her pulse, relief flooding him when it came through strong and consistent.
It might not stay that way for long, though. You've seen this before.
Pushing that thought away, Tetsuya carefully wrapped one arm around Furina's back to support her and then scooped her up princess style - she was so small, and he noticed her cheeks were quite rosy, beads of sweat all over her brow.
..the fever's getting worse.
He had to hurry. He had to hurry.
Tetsuya swears he's never flown so fast before, everything whizzing by in a blur (and if his vision blurred for reasons other than his swiftness, no one needed to know). The moment he touches the ground again, he's racing towards one of the nurses, chest too hot and too cold all at once. “My friend collapsed,” (and it's startling, how easy it is now to call her that) “Help her. Please.” Furina was gently taken from his arms, and he lingered like a shadow as she was carefully placed in one of the beds, a cool cloth laid on her brow. “She gonna be alright?” Wanderer ventured, and his voice was so so small, expression more akin to someone centuries ago; someone who hadn't yet seen the depth of all the world's sorrows. One of the nurses turned and nodded, in reassurance.
“Her illness was caught early on, so she should be just fine. It's good you noticed quickly. She should be back to normal in a few days with rest, but you can spend the night if you'd like-”
“Absolutely.” He was not going to leave. No way in hell. Settling into a chair nearby, he tried to calm the storm in his chest, closing his eyes to clear his thoughts. The hours flew by, and eventually Wanderer sat up and gently shook Furina, to rouse her. “It's time for you to take your medicine. Come on.” Furina didn't move, and suddenly, he couldn't breathe, chills gripping him.
Oh.
Oh, god. God, please, no. Not again. Please, not again. He couldn't do this again.
“Hey,” Tetsuya called again, shaking the girl harder. “If this is a joke, it's not funny. You need to get up. They said you were going to get better, so you have to.” He'd made it in time this time, he'd - as soon as he could, he'd brought her here… so there was no reason that -
Tetsuya took Furina's hand, and to his horror, it was cold (like his) and limp. Just like - no, no no. This wasn't happening this could NOT be happening it couldn't!! “You can't just - leave me like this,” he managed, tears flooding his eyes. But she had. She had, and he didn't even get to say goodbye, and he couldn't breathe, sobs choking him. This time, he understood that death was a constant, that it would come and claim all humans eventually but-
...that didn't make it hurt any less, as much as he'd tried to deny it.
“Furina, come on, you're one of the only friends I have I - please don't leave me behind. Please - I'll do anything just wake up; wake up!”
I couldn't save you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
He can't stop crying. He's sprung a leak and he can't fix it and everything hurts so badly and a nurse is taking his hand and pulling him away and turning his face into her chest so he won't look, and he can't stop crying and he's begging her to do something, anything, but she can't. She knows that, and he knows it, too.
Furina was gone, and he couldn't do anything. No one could.
Tetsuya jolted awake, tears streaming down his cheeks, and gasped. Stars twinkled above, and he sat up after a split second of regaining his senses. It was a dream. It was just a dream. Then, Furina- getting up in a hurry, he raced to her side and shook her frantically, and to his immense relief, she stirred. Heterochromic eyes stared blankly at him, and she blinked sleepily. “Tetsuya…?? What - oogh!” He was squeezing her in a hug before she could process what was happening, tucking his head into her shoulder. “Oh….hey hey, it's okay,” Furina mumbled, patting his back weakly in reassurance. “M’just tired..why are you crying??”
“You're okay,” he barely managed, holding her like she'd disappear if he let go. “I had a dream and - no, it..it doesn't matter. It wasn't real. You're okay.” Wanderer's voice broke then, and he sobbed, relief overwhelming. “You can't leave me yet, okay? Not yet. Please. You're the best friend I ever had.”
“I'm going to get better, don't worry. They're taking good care of me here, and I'll be out in no time and - ….”
“What? What is it? What's wrong?”
“Nothing, just.. you said, I'm your friend-”
The young man froze, taken aback, and then eased up again, slowly nodding. “.. I did say that.”
“You mean it?”
“..Wouldn't say it if I didn't.”
Furina smiled, laying her head atop Wanderer's, and blue and white locks spilled into each other. “You're my friend too, yanno. Thank you for bringing me here when you did. I might be a lot worse off otherwise.”
“You don't have to thank me. I just - . . did what anybody would do.”
“Maybe, but I still want to thank you. Gotta make sure the people you love know they're appreciated.” Tetsuya stiffened at that, blinking rapidly. Oh god, she couldn't just - say things like that, he'd cry all over again and - he had to have misheard.
“You- …what?”
“You're my friend, and I love you,” Furina reasserted, and she said it so easily, like she was talking about the weather, like she was stating a fact of the world, and it shook him to his core.
“.. I - oh,” was all he could say, hot tears making their way down his face again. “Just. Just like that?”
“Just like that,” she nodded, and the tears fell faster. He loved her too, he realized - he wasn't quite sure the exact dimensions of it but he knew he cared for her as a friend would, wanted to stand by her side and defend her with everything he had. Still, it wasn't very easy to say that, so he hoped his actions spoke for themselves. She seemed to understand though, to his relief.
“..why?” Tetsuya finally ventured, because he did not understand. There were many things he did not understand, actually. What he did not expect was for her to answer his question with a question.
“Why not?”
“Why not? Because - …I mean, you've seen how I act.”
“Doesn't make you unlovable, yanno. You're prickly, yeah, but I mean. If love is conditional, it's not love at all. You care about me - the real me, and I care about you, flaws and all. And that's not gonna change. Okay?”
“...mm,” Wanderer managed, nodding once.
Just like that. Just because he was, he was cared for. Worldrocking, that.
They stayed like that for a long time, until one of the nurses came to take care of Furina, and soon after the girl fell asleep. Tetsuya watched how the nurse gently tucked her in and brushed her damp bangs out of her forehead, expression contemplative. Humans could be selfish, they could be deceptive, they could be cowardly - but they also cared about each other and they loved each other, too- and some of them had so, so much love to give, it was daunting. Here in one moment and gone the next but they loved so much and so deeply - and for a moment, he wondered if he could, too, love the world and everything in it or - most things. He didn't think so, but these days it did seem a little brighter than it had before. Maybe that was a sign he was changing, without realizing it.
He would think more about it later. For now, he simply held Furina's hand as she slept and leaned his head on the side of the bed, heart steady. They'd said she needed a few days to recuperate, and he would be here until then. She would be okay, she would be alright. There was nothing to fear anymore, and everything would be okay. He wasn't going to lose her - not for now, anyway.
..to love, and to be loved, was wonderful, he thought.
Maybe that was living.
..he could come to thrive in it.
#genshin impact#furina#wanderer#HI GUYS I'M BACK AGAIN YIPPEE#oh boy oh boy i love these guys so much im so ill over them i need them to interact in canon#but until then i will write my dream interactions#anyway uh my hc is wanderer gets very fussy when people get sick because yk. trauma. he's scared of them leaving him behind again aha!#i dab to hide my tears#but yeah he cares about furina very much she's wormed her way into his heart and he's like Oh No.......Oh Dear#i think furina loves very very deeply and it's easy for her to express that. she has a big heart#wanderer also loves deeply once like. you get past his walls but by god!! they're thick as hell. 400+ years of trauma is crazy bro#it's hard for him to say it verbally too so he expresses it through actions he cooks for his friends he looks out for their well-being#he takes note of things people like and then like. gives them those things; etc#something something wanderer giving acts of service as a means to feel useful pipeline to him giving because it is his way to love.#do you feel me. do you get it. am i making sense#aughhhhhhhhhghghghggh#he is just. a lot to me i love him#and i love furina#and they are gonna heal together and it will be better
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