#me suggesting i have time management
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She could be tying her hair back for any number of reasons ...
#The Sims 4#Sims 4#TS4#intramoon#this sequence of photos wasnt suppose to suggest anything#but after i finished it i feel like it kinda does#or my brain is rotten which in that case my bad#but i love seeing sims do mundane#things like tying their hair up#dying their hair#painting their names etc#finally have free time for sims#got that job#was very off#manager was asking my clothing size in front of#my coworkers which i didnt want to answer#but couldnt figure out how to get out of it?#maybe im over reacting but it made me feel weird#amongst many other things#got another interview at another job i wanted more#turned out to be a 20 person group interview??#a girl i met their got my number we've been friendly chatting#havent heard back yet so we're not sure we got in or not#got a newsroom award which was sweet#quit the first job today#very hectic#when i just want to daydream about the sims
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Made another spindle. It's very small. Also very irregular and lumpy due to the wood (I wanted the raised brown lines to stay and erred on the side of caution in how much I cut away...but that did lead to a very irregular spindle).
It also wanted to crumble as I carved, so pretty much all the fine tuning I just did by sanding it, which helps to compress the fibers down as well as remove material without crumbling or splintering.
It really came to life when I oiled it. Probably will be best after a few good coats and some time. My woodburning kit seems to be totally gone, which is a bummer. So I'm not woodburning anymore.
Spins well. Obviously being so tiny and light it was always going to be a fine spinning spindle, but effortless thread from an unprepped piece of fleece is pretty indicative as well. I seem to find myself carving mostly thread spindles at the moment. They're always so small and light in the hand, they remind me of holding baby birds.
#hurt a lot and its the only physical task ive managed today in any capacity#and it exhausted me and im falling over frequently#just from walking the 20 steps to my lawn chair outside the gate and whittling a small spindle#my sister was suggesting activities we could do but they all require holding things really#can barely even hold my phone to type rn#i also cant stop wondering if each spindle is the last i will ever be able to carve because they are so difficult#and take a pretty heavy toll on me. really upsetting to think about because i love whittling#and in an ideal world i would spend a significant amount of time in pursuit of making spindles#but i can't and each one is more difficult and painful#this one i was wondering at what point it becomes unsafe because i lose precision with the knife#when the pain is so bad im dissociating#which i was#switched to sanding instead then#idk man. could i have a shred of certainty about my body ? is that so much to ask for ?#things change and get worse so rapidly i never even have time to adjust to my new norm#there is no norm just rapid decline#i wouldnt have pushed thru the hell that was my teens and childhood if i knew this was what was next#oh well. here i am. whittling spindles thru the blinding pain anyway#what else can you fucking do#spindle making#whittling#supported spindle#vent in tags
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a small personal update since I’m so inconsistently active lol. I’ve been having terrible fatigue for close to a year now that has slowly gotten worse over time. I’ve spoken to a few doctors about it but haven’t been able to pin down the cause or find anything that helps. I recently had a sleep study done to see if maybe I have a sleep disorder but I haven’t gotten the results yet. so that���s why you’ll see me disappear for long stretches at a time. I love the fandom and the fact that it seems to suddenly be more active again, but it’s just difficult for me to participate as much as I would like to right now.
#lbr im never truly going anywhere#because the wir brainrot will not release its hold on me#but yeah. it just sucks because I do like what I’m writing but I can only manage little bits at a time before my brain turns to sludge#and please!!! do not suggest fatigue remedies I know you guys mean well#but I promise I have tried just about everything you can do at home without a doctor to help with fatigue
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fyi i think i'm going to stop tagging veilguard spoilers in december!!
#if you've managed to remain unspoiled for the ending for an entire month i commend your dedication#but if you care that much i really have to suggest either unfollowing me or using your scrolling time#between now and dec to FINISH THE GAME.#carly.txt
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😳
#the valley is posting#the awkward moment when the guy who interviewed you for two different jobs and sent some ill-worded emails after the fact#just got hired at the place where you now work#'hi remember me? i turned down your /generous/ offer to send in another application for the sixth or seventh position in as much as a year-#'-with no guarantee of an interview even though you claimed in previous interviews that i was one of the strongest candidates-'#'-and then when i said that i had other commitments you sent me very badly worded emails that among other things-'#'-suggested that i was aiming too high in my job search and that i wouldn't get hired full-time if i didn't apply for on-call first-'#'-and then i ghosted you because what the fuck man. anyways remember when that happened?'#anyways thank fuck he's not going to be my manager and i will barely have to interact with him if i'm lucky
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i think the one thing that people without it will never understand about chronic pain (especially the kind that flares with activity) is the Pavlovian association of everything you love doing with pain
four years ago i started college excited about my career, in a field I truly love. today-- six weeks out from starting my first full-time job in that career-- i'm having a meltdown because I'm scared of dealing with the pain this thing I love will bring me from 8-5, 5 days a week for the next 40 or so years. i'm sobbing while trying to buy a work from home desk and chair because i'm essentially choosing-- and spending a lot of money on-- the instruments of my own torture.
#chronic pain#the answer to this post isnt fuck capitalism or get on disability or take pain meds btw. if you try to suggest that im blocking you.#the point is that the things i love are being used to torture me by my own body. and im not having a good time about it#ik i need therapy for this shit but thats on the priority list below moving and buying furniture and#finding doctors to actually diagnose and manage my chronic pain better than it is now#finding a truly “ergonomic” setup is both impossible to achieve for me right now within my budget and logistic constraints#and even if i did its only a bandaid over a fucking shitshow of a situation. because any chair will be painful if i sit in it for 8 hours#it all just feels like im a lab rat being forced to press a button i know will shock me so i can get food#status: 302
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Queer books/movies recommendations
Hi!! Dear friends, I need your help. Could you drop in the comments any queer book/movie titles you can think of? It can be any genres, fiction, nonfiction, educational literature etc
We're making a bibliography at the library I work at for pride, and tho I have already researched and gathered a lot of titles, I want to put as many as possible, so I thought of asking here
(Note: I know I have some italian mutuals, so if any of you knows the titles in italian that'd be even better)
Thanks in advance!!
*edit: queer books/movies meaning both things that have being queer as their main topic, and also in general media with queer characters
#the more the better#also cause a lot of titles aren't in our libraries catalogue#so if I have more titles I have a higher chance of finding them#speaking with the first person cause I have been appointed Local Queer Expert and been given the task of making the bibliography#actually if you also have ideas for the way I could do the design of the brochure do let me know 👀#the title is likely gonna be 'matters of a certain kind' where the 'kind' in italian is the same word as 'gender'#(it's actually copied from an informational magazine that's in the list)#it's funny cause I don't know how -allowed- we actually are to do this#because I've been told that once my coworkers put out a paper rainbow flag for pride month and were told that they had to take it off#BUT#this time our supervisor/manager (?) agreed that we could do something for pride just because the supervisor of another library suggested i#so you bet we're jumping on the chance#it's gonna be SO funny seeing some of our patrons realize what the brochure is about <3#that's why in a way I want to make it subtle enough that they'll pick it up without knowing what it actually is#but also very clearly queer for those who understand#i actually have already too many titles for the brochure and they don't fit#but I've been told I can put a qrcode with an online list so I can potentially put in EVERYTHING that I want#queer#queer literature#queer books#thanks to everybody!!#if you got this far and you'd want to help even more do reblog this pls
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every time someone tells me "holy shit your life is really hard and you're managing incredibly well" it heals me a little bit. need that verbal reminder from others bcs it rlly doesn't mean as much when I say it to myself.
#personal#not that i rely entirely on external validation but like. it really does help me.#like i can talk about my life shit a bunch but never actually realize that it IS really hard and im managing INCREDIBLY#i need that as a preface before anyone suggests that i need to do another thing to fix a certain problem#like i have a miles long to-do list that im chipping away at#but even for someone not disabled. those are still extremely hard tasks.#especially to suggest them non-chalantly. like i feel like they all need a disclaimer that says#this will take time. this is not something im expecting/recommending you do IMMEDIATELY#bcs of course i want to fix as much as i can IMMEDIATELY. plus I have a warped sense of urgency that does not help.
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love waking up to my mom giving me an ultimatum and ordering that i have to give up my (admittedly expensive) apartment 1n 2 weeks and move back home for good. i had stuff to do today but i guess being gripped by dread and anxiety works too
#i had been thinking about moving to a smaller one too. but now she's ordering me to do that#and expects me to move back home#when my university and all of my two friends are in the city.#and i have TWO WEEKS to live here if she wants me to move before summer because i have to go back home anyway in early may#for my summer job.#like sure i wouldve understood like a hey. my child. your financial situation is oretty tough so i have some suggestions that could help#but she was like okay here's whay you do: option a) [something i couldnt do before fall] b) find a cheaper apartment and live in two weeks#c) move home for good and commute over an hour any day you have university stuff to do and also essentially lose access to your#friends and all and any independence you have managed to cobble together so i can treat you like a child and yeall at you#the last part wasnt included but it's what she does anyways so i assume it's part of the deal#then i would have to commute or drive an hour any time i wanted to see either of my friends. after every summer im already#tired and desperate to come back to my apartment to get to be on my own. and now she's saying i have to never do that again#and here's the fuckin thing. her husband is planning on fixing my car. my mom pays my phone bill. i know what a loser i am whatever.#she actually owns my dogs and my childhood home. i cannot. piss her ofd too much. because then i'll lose all of those#phone. whatever i can get a new one. car. slightly more heartbrwakin but like i still own it. but the house?#my dogs?? i think i would rather die atm if im being honest#so what the fuck am i supposed to do. huh.#maybe i should just walk into the sea foe good i feel like that would just so neatly solve all of my problems
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fawniel thoughts hour….
#gideon shut the hell up challenge#u can tell we are trying so hard to write smth bc we keep thinking up situations. but anyway#them just laying together asking a bunch of 20 questions type things#(he asks their favorite color and they laugh bc shouldn’t their ~number one fan~ know that already? and he gets embarrassed#and is like I MEAN I /DID/…. but that info is old !!! and I want to hear it from u ☺️)#(fawn says blue and he’s like 👀 oh really… any favorite shade…. and they’re like hm!! 😌 guess u will never know)#but danny asks if they have any siblings….. he knows they said they were part of a batch? but he doesn’t know how….#(‘tank babies?’ fawn suggests bc he’s trying to come up w a nicer way to say it but can’t and he does an embarrassed little laugh bc yeah)#fawn who has only ever lied to the rangers abt it (they grew up on a farm and had a large family sure but ‘no one worth mentioning’?)#(not ashamed of their siblings but scared to talk abt them. to show any sort of weakness. ric would have pried; he always does.)#and yet. sitting here w him now. not sidestep (either one) and herald. just fawn and danny. they tell him#and it’s hard to explain how you can know someone without ever Knowing them. how u can have names when all u have are pictures and feelings#but they manage. and when they’re done danny says that he’s sorry for their loss. the first time they’re ever heard it.#probs the first time they’ve ever genuinely Acknowledged it since they were recycled. and fawn says yeah. says thank you. says I’m sorry.#oh u thought we were done w siblings ?? sike . ocean and sunny u will always be canon 2 me
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good morning!! <3
#more of the same today :3#i didn't manage to write letters last night but hopefully i will today#i might also make a few of the self love posts bc by the time i was done doing stuff i didn't have energy for that either#but since it's the first day of the letter writing weekend - I'm gonna likely send out what i have already at like midday (for me lol)#i'm also vaguely interested in the takeover part so I'll likely be doing both writing letters & that#(+ i think it'd be cute to write some of my f/os (at least my mains?) letters as well since that was a suggestion ^^)#especially since this is a fri-sun thing so i'd have more time to do so hopefully more energy#but anyways!!#the rest of my plan is exploring more of penacony today#i'm taking it slow (as usual) but i really like paying attention to the story so that's fine#still i hope you'll have a good day/night!! <3#morning rambles
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Hug
*hug*
#went home early again and was made to feel so guilty about it#because I didn't want to work 9 hrs while having a cold on top of my regular chronic illnesses#I got really sick at work explosive ibs and it was BAD on top of still having a cold#went home and just sobbed to my mom like idk how much longer I can keep working like this#long ass shifts while being sick having managers I feel like aren't willing to work with me#my mom def supports me looking for another job or getting a doctors note and even suggested looking for a support group#I just wish I could work in a job where it was like oh you're literally more sick than you are every fucking day? yeah sure go home#I mean they were like that Friday but now that it's Wednesday it's like 'well don't let it happen again' like I'm sorry?#I wish I worked in a world that prioritized the health of the worker and the customer including mental health#and didn't make me have a breakdown because I'm pushing myself too hard again but actually putting my foot down about it this time
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I have got to get worse at my job cus no way can keep letting them rely on me like this
#work tag#got on shift on Sunday and my manager pulled me aside when i clocked in to say thank god youre here i need you on front theyre an absolute#mess over there theyve got orders waiting nearly twenty minutes i need you to figure out whats going on and whip them into shape i know you#can just get all those order out right away just put them where you want them so you can clear that screen. and i did sort it in under 5#despite there having been 3 people on front before i got there which is more than enough people to deal with just 6 orders and yet#and today several people called in sick and one of my managers asked if i wanted some extra hours i said depends when she was like just#until ten tonight which is only an extra hour later than i finish but ive already expressed im not comfortable finishing at 9 for only a#8 hour shift cus its an hour walk back and thats far to go by myself in the dark but i agreed anyway one of my other managers then asked if#i was okay to get home if i stayed that late cus obviously there must be a reason i dont usually stay that late i was like im only walking#so it doesnt really matter but it is gonna be late to be walking back but its fine manager then comes back again and asks if i could stay#til 11 ive only done an 11 once before when they were understaffed again and she did the same but i was wary to agree to the 11 cus thats#reeeally late to be doing such a long walk by myself again other manager is like you dont have to agree to anything youre not comfortable#with then argued to the manager that ive got to walk home and i shouldnt stay however im thinking it over as i make my break and approach#the actual shift runner for this evening and suggest i stay until 12 instead cus thats when my work bestie is finishing and if we finish at#the same time i can then walk back with her instead of just doing the 10 and honestly i need the hours but i shouldnt be so relied on tbh
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feels very strange to get podcast ads about how pride friendly orlando is rn what with the current political conditions of florida for very large swathes of the queer community
i mean i dont have any suggestions for like idk the marketing team of the orlando tourism board to do any better like i certainly wouldnt know how to advertise rn, thats a rough hand youre stuck with and i hope your shit ass transphobe fascist politicians drop dead.
just. wild to hear rn
#toy txt post#and like maybe it is a pride friendly area within florida but like the fact that im getting advertised it from a very different state#its just Feels Very Weird. its like the same energy as when companies started having normal ads again about having like#holiday gatherings and football parties in like 2021/2022? like no actually the unprecedented times are still upon us. your pandemic ads#were insufferable for sure like they felt very weird and stupid and patornizing and but you have somehow managed to Make It Worse#thats kinda how it feels like the same vibe. it was one thing before it was pride month and it was just like casually trying to convince me#to come to universal and disney but now its june so theyre talking about their Gay Days#and like it would almost certainly be very weird and uncomfortable if it was like listen we acknowledge the current guy we have#is going like full blown fascist with an intent on genociding queer and particularly trans ppl but like listen we installed this new ride#and we'd really like for it to pay for itself with ticket sales or whatever. idk just feels weird. i dont know if i have a suggestion for#the advertising board of tourism in orlando to do differently like i dont have a suggestion for them except to maybe get that fucker out of#office. and it probably feels less weird if ur like In The State or in another state with similar horrifying shit#its probably like well whatever and thats fair. i mean its not fair i hope all your transphobic fascist ass politicians drop dead and that#yall will be safe#anyway. just. very weird. anyway idk. @mouse if you kill desantis with no mercy just fucking destroy his ass#ill forgive u a little bit and consider hitting up your extremely expensive theme park if i have the funds. universal if u pitch in on#destorying that bastard ill consider visiting you again too. again if i have the funds. i wont go to the terf wizard section but i do want#to see the new hulk track 🥺#ppl of florida especially marginalized ppl of florida. you deserve so much fucking better than you got im so sorry#floridian govt makes me so mad for like the regular human reasons of. they suck for a lot of fucking people and also the very important and#unique ecosystems yall have down there but also for the personal selfish reasons of. florida seems like Really Cool if it didnt have#like#the fascists. and gun culture. id love the climate. well. on the Atlantic side. gulf too warm for me personally. so many creatures down#there. cool places and you got those Very themey theme parks and listen i would like disney to have less power (#(AFTER THEY DISEMBOWEL DESANTIS. I WANT THEM TO DESTROY HIM AND HIS CRONIES FIRST. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ANYTHING)#but like they did kinda go off with the Theming. i do love that. universal too BUT. not to derail this post into roller coasters but also#sorry that is a thing im incapablw of being normal about sorry UH universal also went tf off with the themeing and i Love it HOWEVER#i do with the coasters were more. visible. i cant speak for disney i only went once as a very small tiny child and i remember nothing#but i went to universal in high school like Right before they completely retracked hulk and the theming was incredible i was obsessed.#but there was no way to see most of the coasters without actually riding them which i did find very disappointing.
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Moist 'fake it till you make it' von Lipwig
#he's having a wonderful time he's having a terrible time he's having a wonderful time#moist von lipwig#ema reads discworld#discworld#also on my 3 am kitchen visit i took a bite of some raw coconut roll or whatever is the english name for it#and realised it was moldy right as i was swallowing my first bite#then proceeded to spend the next half an hour googling possible problems this could cause#and am currently hoping really hard this won't end in terrible diarrhea interrupting my last two day of holidays#my stomach hurts a bit but i am 100% sure that's from the moment of panic i had right after swallowing#rathen than 'death from a small bite of mold incoming'#the first thing google suggested to me when i searched 'what to do after eating coconut mold' was 'don't do it'#like thank you that's very helpful i am sure i'll manage to turn back time to prevent it from happening#also i've just finished chapter 11 of going postal and moist is a complete disaster man i love him so much#moist: *predicts gilt's criminal masterplan*#adora: you sound very sure#moist: crap crap crap fUCK-#also oh the terror of coming face to face with consequences of your own actions#cjskdk :D
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i know this blog has turned into complaining hours but...i would understand it if a private person does not exactly know how procedural law works
but these lawyers are making my life so difficult because they just cannot keep the simplest rules. like dude, come on. the order of your complaints is actually important. now i am stuck with an unsolvable situation.
#ctlyuejie rants#i know he doesn't care because he wins this case regardless#at least partially#but i'd rather not dismiss it on grounds of jurisdiction so the other party doesn't waste their time at the correct court only to lose the#case partially#which is also great work on part of the claimants rep because the claim is so specific that i am having a hard time not dismissing the whole#thing#just give me a subsidiary claim so i can use it#nvm that i have another judgement to write where everyone also acts total bananas#that one has such a good basis for mediation and they just won't use it#very tempted to decide that along the lines of what i would suggest for mediation#so they have to pay for the trial but get the same outcome#i don't want to work as a judge but i think my supervisor thinks i'm suited for it since i have 0 patience for anyone which apparently is#the most important requirement in order to be able to tackle the amount of cases you have to manage
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