#me sitting down to write everything is perfect and then the fatigue hits

[trigshoot]

but is it too much to ask to not be exhausted and fatigued for one hour a day

[reiderwriter]

hii!!! so i was wondering if you could do a one shot that’s inspired by either false god by taylor swift where spencer and reader are just worshiping each other? thank you <3

Hi! I'm not much of a swiftie, so I've never heard that song before I sat down to write this but it was perfect inspiration for a fic! I hope you enjoy it 💕

Warnings: Case details mentioned, typical CM violence, angst-adjacent confrontation with happy ending, hurt/comfort, heavy petting, oral (F receiving), squirting (implied), vaginal sex, implied creampie (no birth control mentioned). 2.2k words. Based on:

It was when the door to your hotel room slammed shut that you knew there was finally going to be a confrontation. Combing a hand through your hair, you threw your bag down and turned to look at Spencer. He stood there, just watching you from the door, his jaw tense as he struggled to break the silence and actually talk to you the way you knew he wanted to. 

“Spit it out, Spencer. If you’re going to push your way in here, you might as well say what you want to say.” You were frustrated and his silence was only making the fatigue from a day on a tough case worse. “Come on, Spencer, I don’t have all day.” 

“Do you want to die?” His voice held steady when he finally let out the words, and they hit you like a succer-punch. “Because what I saw out there today seemed like someone more than happy to put themselves in harm's way for no reason.” He stepped closer to you as he said the words, and you felt yourself grow hot. You just weren’t sure if it was from shame or anger. 

“Don’t profile me, Reid. I knew what I was doing.” You turned your back on him and began to go about your business, hoping that he would drop it and vacate the room as quickly as he’d stormed in. 

“You tried to take a bullet for me. Y/N, I was in the middle of talking him down, and you pushed me out of the way and forced his hand.” 

“So will the thank you card be delivered in the post, or can I expect it on my desk tomorrow?” You still wouldn’t make eye contact with him, thinking back to the events of the day. 

You’d known the plan all along was to have Reid talk the suspect down while you got his last victim to safety. Everything in the profile pointed towards the unsub being a loner, someone with narcissistic personalities who you knew wouldn’t end up shooting his way out. Someone that had acted with a cold violent misogyny in his crimes, and someone who would not respond well to a female agent trying to get through to him. You knew all that and you still couldn’t help yourself. 

“In this world of ours, Agent, men like you and I should be Gods. It’s my right to take that power for myself,” the man had said, holding his hostage in his arms as if she were a ragdoll, carefully watching every movement you and your team made. Morgan and Emily had the back entrances covered should he try to run, and Hotch, Rossi and JJ were coordinating with the backup SWAT team outside, should he gain any miniscule upper-hand in the situation. 

It was when Reid started talking to him again that you felt the bile rise in your throat and your body stop listening to your rational thoughts. He was giving the man everything he wanted to hear; stroking his ego, complimenting him, agreeing with him, and the man was responding as well as you could hope. 

But something was wrong, and it was clear from the moment that he levelled his gun in the direction of Spencer and released the female victim that something was about to go horribly wrong. 

“I think I was wrong, actually. We both cannot be Gods, can we?” He laughed as he said this, and you froze up instantly. Your only regret was probably that you forgot to go and check on the victim sitting on the floor, your eyes watching on in horror instead as your body through itself in front of Reid just as the unsub was ready to pull the trigger. 

The push had knocked the two of you off-balance. But the unsub was slack-mouthed and caught off-guard. He hadn’t even pulled the trigger yet, and now here the two of you were sitting pretty for him on the floor of his dump site waiting for him to put a bullet through your brains. He didn’t have the chance to, the SWAT sniper getting the orfer to open fire the second you’d strayed from protocol. 

Spencer still hadn’t left your room, his anger and frustration rolling off of him in waves. You moved about the room in an organized frenzy, completing your nightly rituals with as much obvious frustration as you could muster. You dropped your gun and badge on the nightstand, pulled off your jacket and mindlessly rooted through your bag looking for nothing in particular, praying that Spencer would walk out of the door and not force you to face your stupid decisions. 

Instead he grabbed your wrists, spinned you around and pushed you against the wall, forcing your eyes to meet with his as he pinned you there. 

“Stop fucking ignoring me,” he growled out in a low-voice. The sudden burst of movement had you both gasping for breath and you just stood there quietly again for a few seconds, breathing each other. You gave in first and rested your head against the wall, letting him force your eyes up to meet his.

“Ask me the question you really want the answer for, Reid. Because we both know I’m not suicidal.” 

“Why won’t you let me keep you safe?” his voice came out in a small whimper now, his body weight slowly pressing up against yours as he moved to rest his forehead on your head. The two of you stood there suspended in time, just lost in the feel of each other, the pressure and the heat from his body in contrast to the sharp cool of the wall at your back, and you silently begged him to make a move. But he was determined to get you to answer, holding his tongue when all you wanted him to do was crash his lips against yours and help you to fill yourself with him. 

“Because I do not want to be safe in a world without you,” you finally confessed. He lasted only a few seconds with that answer hung between you before he gave you what you wanted. 

His lips were cracked and dry but he was warm and sweet and you instantly received him, desperate to pull him so close that he could never leave. Your lips crashed together again and again, as if desperate to stretch your first kiss into your first ten, twenty, one hundred. He dropped your wrists after an eternity, only to greedily run his hands up and down your waist, snaking around you so tight that you gasped and let his tongue in. 

He explored you with his entire body, his mouth pressing into you messily his hands roaming desperately trying to map the plains of your body, like knowing you would be his salvation. You did the same, gripping his sweater with balled up fists and forcing him closer into you, unwilling and unable to let him move away. 

He gently walked you to the edge of the bed, not straying from his ministrations for even a second, until the backs of your knees hit the edge of the bed, and you were falling. But he was falling with you, and so you didn’t care, 

He finally pulled away from you then, raising himself up onto his arms and looking down on you like you’d personally put the stars in the sky. 

“Have you ever stopped to think for a second that I’d hate any world without you in it as well?” Shifting his weight, he bought his hand down to cup your cheek, then let his finger ghost over your neck and down to the swell of your breasts as he moved to undo each button of your blouse tantalisingly slow. 

“Give me the word, and I will worship you. I will show you exactly what you mean to me. Just give me the word and I will let you know peace.” You whimpered out a breathy ‘yes,’ and he was on you again in seconds, with a renewed passion. 

Your blouse was discarded in seconds as his tongue traced its way down to your breasts in sloppy open-mouthed kisses, and still the only sound that filled the room was your desperate pants. Your hips rolled up against his as he pulled you up to discard your bra, his tongue finally landing on your painfully erect nipples. He tweaked and teased, moving between them languidly, and you were content to have him stay there forever. 

He obviously had further plans though, and he moved lower still, kissing down to your navel and lifting your hips just enough for you to shimmy them down your legs and discard them quickly. And then there he was, just sat with his head resting in between your legs, pressing sweet kisses to the insides of your thighs and looking deeply into your eyes as he worked his way closer and closer to your core. 

Your panties were slick to your skin, so when he made his first drag of his tongue up your slit, it was with the beautiful added friction of the lace against you. He buried his face in your core then, and started licking and sucking and devouring you like a man starved, like you were nectar from the heavens and your attentions could grant him immortality. 

Even with the panties interrupting any direct contact, you could feel your need for him bubble up to your boiling point, and you squeezed your thighs around him, suffocating him in your first release. He pulled your legs apart again, taking the time to remove your panties now before pinning your legs apart again and returning to his last supper. 

He sucked, nipped, kissed you again, one hand pressed firmly against your hips to pin you down as you bucked and writhed in your sensitivity. His face was slick with your juices, as he thrust his tongue in and out of you now, using his nose to press into your aching clit. 

He worked tirelessly, desperate to shower you with all the attention he wanted to give you, and you gasped and moaned and whined back to him, like a goddess whispering affirmations in the ears of her most devout follower. 

It was understandable when your second orgasm hit, then, and he found himself flooded with your juices, doing his best to ride you through this time and taking in as much of you into his mouth as possible. When he finally pulled away, your legs were twitching and your eyelids heavy, but with your remaining strength, you cupped his cheeks and bought his face up to yours. He face glistened with your cum, his lips now plump and shining, and you pulled him down to you, aching with the desire to taste yourself on his tongue. 

“I’m going to keep you safe and hold you like this until you understand that I am not capable of living without you, do you understand?” he whispered in your ear when he finally pulled away, and you let the tears that had been building up fall finally as he pressed one final kiss to your lips before moving away to rid himself of his clothes. 

You were crazy to think that you would ever be able to turn your back on this man, that he would ever walk away from you and leave you alone. As he returned to you you held out your arms open to him, and he fell into them. It was a home-coming, a return to the palace the both of you belonged, wrapped up in each other like that. 

Still weak from his earlier attentions, he helped you move your legs to wrap them around him, as you twined your arms up and around his neck, pulling him in for a deep and passionate kiss as he pushed despairingly slowly into you. 

You winced as you adjusted to his size and he pressed chaste kisses along your neck as you got used to him, whispering between each one. 

“You’re beautiful,” your neck. “You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met,” your jaw. “I will spend my entire life in awe of you,” the corner of your mouth. 

When you were ready you finally blinked your eyes open and pushed your mouth into his, and he finally began his movements. Rocking his hips gently into yours, the two of you were in no rush to consume each other, savoring the feel of your coupling. You finally understood the meaning of calling the act making love - never before had you felt so cared for, so loved and desired as you did in that moment with Spencer Reid. 

You felt him getting closer and closer to bliss when he started picking up his pace slightly, his forehead resting against yours, his body heavy with the weight of his love for you. 

“I love you,” you gasped out as you felt him shudder inside of you, letting him hear the words just as he was tipped over the edge. Even though it was the first time you’d voiced the words so clearly outloud, you felt no panic, no anxiety at having made a hasty decision. It felt right, it was right. 

And you were going to keep telling this man, who worshipped you so wholly, as often as you could from this day forward,so help you god. 

[erii-ya]

Massacre Soldier Killer being a dad?

One Piece FanFic Killer x FemReader

A/N: I know it’s already so late, but still, belated Happy Birthday to our adorable vice-captain Killer. I’ve been so busy lately and couldn’t properly organize my thoughts, so my KillerxReader stories have been on a long pause. Anyway, I accidentally saw a YT vid about different types of writers and discovered that I am a ‘Pantser’ - a term most commonly applied to fiction writers, especially novelists, who write their stories "by the seat of their pants."—someone who doesn’t plan out much (or anything) in advance. So meeee. 😅

Content warning: Long story ahead. Swear words. Killing. Pregnancy. Abortion. WC: 7,9k *I decided not to split the story into multiple parts to make it up to whoever reads my stories*

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As a responsible vice-captain, Killer doesn’t plan on having a child with you until his partner, Eustass Kid, fulfills his dream of becoming the Pirate King. First, because the environment won't suit a child, he knows how dangerous it is in the New World. Second, he won’t be able to fully take care of you while you're pregnant with his child. And third, he’s unsure if he will be a good father.

However, by the time everything had been settled, his next priority would be you, probably thinking of building a future with you. He can’t promise to give you a perfect life, but he’ll try his best to make it fulfilling and worthwhile for you. He’s already blessed to have met you and still thinks about why the hell did you chose him when there are better men out there that are more deserving.

BUT, fate wants to make a prank out of it, and because of a slight miscalculation on your part, you end up conceiving. What’s worse is that you only confirmed it on his birthday.

************************************************************************

I.

“Hey, are you alright? You’re pale.” Killer asked you while you were both in the middle of making Lunch. You've been pretty under the weather for a couple of days now.

“I’m fine. Just got a bit dizzy, is all.” giving him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I can take a rest after this.”

You caught a bad case of the flu last month; recovery took a whole week.  Emma, the crew’s doctor, said it may be because of fatigue, so your captain, Eustass Kid, ordered you not to do everything simultaneously and to look out for yourself more. You tend to overwork yourself constantly, and everyone on the ship gets disoriented when you go sick. Mainly because you managed everyone’s daily tasks so that they would be organized.

“It’s better if you take a rest now. I’ll handle everything else.” 

“Hell no! You’re the one who should be taking your sweet time relaxing since today’s your day. You should leave this to me instead.” trying to shoo him away.

“Nah. It’s just like any other day. Nothing special.” You still want to argue about it, but another wave of nausea hits you. This gives Killer all the more reason to kick you out of the kitchen. He insists you see Emma first to give you a check-up and meds, which you do since your uneasiness is getting annoying.

“Overworking yourself again, I see.” was the first thing the doctor told you once you entered her clinic.

“Not really. Captain’s keeping an eye on everything I do, so I can’t really move around like I always do. Told me to regain my strength first when it’s already been a month since I caught the flu.” you said after she gestured for you to sit on the medical bed.

“Can’t blame the captain. If you only saw the chaos out there while you’re in recovery. It was bad.”

“That bad?”

“It’s terrible.” you only answered with a sigh. When you first joined the Kid Pirates, you saw how disorderly the environment was and corrected that, although it took you quite a while to do so.

Emma started to ask you questions about your symptoms. After writing everything down and examining you, she returned to your charts to analyze the data for a diagnosis. A few minutes passed, and you saw her raising one of her brows while looking at your charts, making you curious.

“What? Did I end up with another flu? ‘Cause I swear, it’s no fun.” you commented, crossing your arms.

“Well, uhm, I actually have some good news for you.” she answered, then looked at you. “Two, to be exact.” Now, it was your turn to raise a brow. Usually, you’ll get both good and bad news, but having two good news?

“I’m dying here, Emma. Spill it already.” 

“So, you don’t have a flu.” then silenced. It seems like Emma’s having some hesitation before telling you the other ‘good’ news.

“Emma!” you yelled, breaking her from her thoughts. She looked at your charts, then back at you, and did that at least three more times. The suspense is killing you.

Instead of saying the second one, she started asking you again. “Y/N, when was the last time you took the contraceptive pill I gave you?”

“This morning. Why?”

“Were you diligently taking those pills even while you were sick last month?” her question made you think back. If memory serves you right, you held off on taking the birth control pills while you were on a sick bed and never had contact with Killer around that time, either.

“I started retaking the pills after I recovered, though.”

“And when was your first contact with Killer-san after your recovery?”

“Well, it was the same day I retake the pill. The reason I remembered retaking it.”

“Ok, so was it the blue or the pink pill?” The what now? At this point, you’re at a loss.

“Emma, you’re confusing me. What blue and pink? It was always a pink pill. Never had a blue one.”

Emma face-palmed. By now, she was sure about your diagnosis. You were slow to catch on, but you eventually did after a couple of silences. And when you did…

“Holy shizz… Are you telling me that I’m..?” you can’t even say it. Emma didn’t say anything either and just nodded her head in agreement. The face that you’re making this time can’t be explained. A lot of emotions were bubbling up inside of you.

“Oh no. Oh fuck. Oh no.” you started to panic and became paler. Emma was quick to approach you after seeing you start a panic attack. You gripped her shirt and said, “This can’t be, Emma. THIS is not supposed to happen! I religiously took those pink pills you gave me for a year! Why now?! What’s with blue pills?! The pink?!” you’re practically screaming at her now with tears flowing down your face.

Emma covered your mouth tightly to suppress your screams. She told you to come down, or else the others would hear you unless you wanted them to know the big news. She’s right. No one should know, so you tried to calm yourself upon hearing her suggestion. 

You inhaled and exhaled sharply while trying to suppress your emotions and tears. When Emma saw you had calmed down, she began to explain about the blue and pink pills. She said that she gave you two different bottles of pills before, which are colored blue and pink. Pink is for daily use, while the blue one should be consumed right after intercourse if, by any chance, you stop taking the pink pills regularly.

Since you were out with the flu for a whole week last month, you couldn’t take your regular pink pills, and Killer, being Killer, once he was sure you had recovered, took his time to ‘recharge’ you with ‘Vitamin K’ or as he’d like to call it. The miscalculation on your part was forgetting about Emma’s advice about how to consume the two pills properly. 

You totally forgot about the blue pills since you never had a skip of the regular pink ones for over a year until you got sick. You thought by then, if you start retaking the pink pills, it’ll work just the same.

You wipe the tears continuously escaping your eyes and grab Emma by her shoulder. “This conversation will stay between the both of us. You hear me, Emma? No words about this can leave this room, and I’m dead serious.”

“Of course. My patients' records are confidential. Like you, I may be a pirate, but I still follow medical ethics. However…” she looked at you straight in the eyes, “I think Killer-san has the right to know about this too.”

Your eyes widen at her advice. “NO! Definitely not!”

“But he’s the father, Y/N!” 

“And he’s also our vice-captain, Emma! He has his priorities, and that’s Kid. Captain won’t be happy to know about this too, and I don’t want to be a burden to anyone.” you insist. The doctor gave you a sympathetic look and didn’t say another word. You left and went to your and Killer’s shared bedroom. Your mind is too occupied with what happened in the clinic, but the exhaustion pulls you into a deep sleep.

II.

When you wake up, it’s already dark. You don’t know how long you’ve been out, and the first thing that came to mind was the revelation you heard earlier. Getting the flu again seems a better diagnosis, after all. You tried to shift in bed when you realized big, strong arms were wrapped around you and a leg locking you in place—warm breath blowing on your left temple. 

You saw Killer sleeping peacefully beside you with his mask off. You were blessed to see that gorgeous face every day, and you couldn’t help but caress it. He moved slightly when he felt the warmth of your hand, tightening his grip on you.

“Hey, I’m not going anywhere, love.” you said softly, giggling at his actions. You heard him hum in agreement.

Minutes passed, and you savored the peaceful silence, listening to Killer’s rhythmic breathing beside you. You’re already content with this. Spending your days as a pirate alongside the man you love was challenging, but being in his arms like this at the end of the day makes it all worth it. He makes you feel safe. He makes you happy. He makes you feel…home.

You unconsciously placed your hands on your stomach. Family… You never thought of the idea before. Having a family with Killer. Not because you don’t like it but because of both your current situation. Especially when your captain, Eustass Kid, has come a long way to fulfilling his dreams. 

That’s when you decide on what to do. The child will only be a nuisance, and you won’t let the child drag the crew down. It’s the only way you can think of. There’s no other choice. 

Tears sting your eyes, and you try your best to stifle a cry when someone bangs the door loudly. “Oi, Killer! Get your fuckin’ ass outta here! We’re celebrating your birthday, and you hole yourself up in there? GET OUT! NOW!” it was Kid, banging at the door profusely.

Killer grunts but gets up anyway. He walked over the door to open it, displaying Kid’s grumpy face. “Fucking finally!” your captain said. He looked past Killer to peek at you. “You feeling Okay?” he asked with concern in his voice.

You smiled at him and nodded, “Strong as a bull, captain.”

He bobs his head, satisfied, and looks back at Killer, telling him to dress up and drag you out on the deck. Even added to keep your hands off each other for the time being and just get back to your business after the party before he disappeared. You laughed at his last remark.

You got up and went to hug Killer from behind. “Well, let’s get going, birthday boy, or the captain might feed us to the sharks.”

Killer chuckles, “I doubt it. He loves us too much to do that.”

You both dressed up and went to the others. Everyone is having a blast. You can hear them from where your room is. The night went well, and you’re enjoying the rock session Kid and Killer started with Killer being the drummer when the ship doctor approached you.

“How are you feeling now?” Emma asked. “Is that alcohol?!” snatching away the drink in your hand.

“Come on, Emma. I’m fine, and this’ll be the last time I can enjoy that.” trying to get your drink back from her hands.

“Are you seriously thinking of harming your child, Y/N?” she whispered harshly at you with wide eyes.

You stared at her, then sighed, “I am not. A’ight? Now give that back. I’ll look suspicious if I don’t drink.”

“Not if you’re feeling unwell.” Emma called one of the crew members nearby and gave the alcohol to him. Telling him you can’t drink because of an upset stomach.

Emma stayed by your side all night while Killer enjoyed his time with the other crew members. “He’s so respected, isn’t he?” you suddenly blurted out.

“Of course, he is. He’s the second strongest next to the captain and takes good care of all of us. Not to mention the special care towards you.” she gave you a knowing look. You hummed in agreement, a smile ghosting your face.

“He’ll be a good father, too, Y/N. I can envision it.” she added.

You didn’t answer and just gazed at Killer from a distance. Emma doesn’t need to let you know because you can see it, too. However, the timing isn’t right. There’s so much that Killer wants to do to help his partner, his best friend, and you can’t let yourself hinder that. Not you. Not this child.

III.

Six months later…

Kid approaches Killer, who’s busy thrashing the life out of a pirate from a crew they ambushed. “Killer. We’re done here. Let’s get back to Victoria.”

His words were brushed aside, and Killer continued to use the pirate as a punching bag. Killer’s been like this since you left without a word. He was letting out his frustrations of not being able to find your whereabouts on mindlessly and mercilessly killing anyone, earning him the title of 'Massacre Soldier'.

*flashback*

A few days after his birthday, the Victoria Punk docked on an island to get supplies. You went out with some of your crew members to shop when you split yourself from them in the middle of town and hired a boat to stow away. 

At least, that’s what they all thought.

When, in fact, you return to the ship and hide somewhere you know they won’t find. You then waited for the right time to snuck out. Feeling sorry for the citizens who got hooked up on your own dilemma when your crew, together with Kid and Killer, almost flipped the island upside down just to find you.

You took it as a chance to escape and sailed away with a boat you bought in the morning. Stopped at the nearest island and snuck on a merchant’s ship you didn’t even know where it was heading. You did that a few more times until you ended up on a secluded island. Far from where you’ve been. Far from marines and pirates. Far from the man you love.

It was in an isolated area in the New World where help was impossible. The island's living conditions were poor but peaceful, and the island folks were friendly. You started your new life there, with the little soul blossoming in your belly. 

You changed your name and your looks. Cut your hair. The purple hair Killer loved so much is now dyed silver. Your red eyes, once shining like a sparkling flame that Killer loved to stare at, have now changed to green. You were unrecognizable unless someone assessed you carefully.

You found yourself an abandoned small hut up in the mountains. It looked like no one had ever lived there for a long time, so you settled in and began your single life there.

Meanwhile…

“Who did you say was pregnant?! Y/N?!” Kid growled at Emma. The doctor felt shivers run down her spine. She’s standing in front of the big four while being circled by the crew.

“Y-yes, captain.” she answered meekly.

“Then why didn’t you tell us immediately?!?!” Kid was furious in disbelief. He was as worried as Killer when you disappeared without a trace. Killer, on the other hand, clenched his fists so hard in an attempt to stop himself from punching the doctor. He doesn’t care if she’s a woman. He’s so mad right now he wants to wring her neck right there and then for keeping your pregnancy a secret from him.

“For the record, captain, I did not PURPOSELY keep it a secret from all of you, especially from Killer-san,” Emma said in a defense. “God knows how hard I persuaded Y/N to get her to confess the matter to him. It didn’t even come to me that she would leave us. In fact…” and she trailed off.

Killer didn’t like the sudden halt. It ticked him off. “Why did you stop, Emma? Continue.” he said, but Emma was hesitant. “I said CONTINUE!” he shouted.

Everyone flinched and was surprised at Killer’s sudden outburst. He was usually calm and collected, but right now, he’s different. He’s trying to suppress his anger because he might go on a rampage if not.

Emma exhaled sharply before saying, “In fact, I thought she would most likely abort the baby.” without missing a beat.

Killer held his breath after hearing the doctor’s words. He was wondering if you really thought of aborting his child. Kid broke the awkward silence and asked the doctor, “What made you think she would do that?”

“Well, because when we confirmed it at the clinic the other day, during Killer-san’s birthday, she had a panic attack, telling me over and over that it shouldn’t happen. The baby, I mean.”

Killer’s shoulders dropped, which Kid noticed. It pains him to see his best friend getting crushed by the news.

The doctor continued, looking at Killer, “Killer-san, please don’t think badly of Y/N. It’s not like she doesn’t want the baby. It was only my initial opinion after seeing her fit in my clinic.”

“I was with her all night during your birthday celebration. I saw how she lovingly stared at you while gently caressing her belly. She was doing it unconsciously, I think. She even stopped drinking alcohol and taking caffeine since then, and you know how she loved her iced coffee.” Emma finished.

“She can’t live without it,” said Killer, to which everyone agreed. They know you can consume up to 8 servings of iced coffee daily.

“I believe she left because she doesn’t want to burden anyone and that the captain wouldn’t be happy to know about it. She was just thinking about all of us and how it may affect everyone.” Emma concluded.

“That dumb woman.” Kid gruffed. “Why the hell won’t I be fucking happy if she’s carrying my niece! Or nephew, whatever!” He turned towards Killer, “We’re going to find that stupid woman of yours, Killer. Even if we need to re-route.”

Killer nods, grateful to his captain, “I owe you, Kid.”

“No, we owe her. Also, she insults me for leaving this crew like that. Doesn’t she know by now that she’s my family, too?” Kid may be violent, stubborn, and grumpy, but he considers you his sister. You took care of him and his crew and did a lot to help him, too, so he’s quite disappointed with your actions. He hoped you could be more selfish than selfless.

*end*

Going back to the present, Killer only stopped thrashing the poor pirate when he felt satisfied. There were still no clues about you, and he became increasingly worried as the day passed. Knowing that you’re living by yourself with your growing belly in god knows where for half a year now.

“We’ll stop by the next island we see to get some supplies, and then we’ll continue to look around for Y/N.” Kid said to where Killer only nodded in acknowledgment. They went back to Victoria, and as usual, after cleaning up, Killer went to the kitchen to grab some beer. It has been a routine for him to drown himself in booze because it helps to calm his nerves and fall asleep. He had difficulty getting some sleep since you left, causing him to get insomnia.

A few days later, the Kid Pirates stumbled upon a small island that was quite isolated. It doesn’t seem like they’ll get their needed supplies in there, but they still need to dock to check and do maintenance on the ship. So they did.

“Killer, wake up!” Kid bangs on his door. “We’re docked on an island! Move your ass and get some fresh air before you rot to death!” he called.

Killer eventually went out to walk around the island to see if there were any supplies they could buy. At first, he was hesitant but thought he couldn’t always act like a child and should help the crew with the other tasks to lessen the workload.

He was looking around some stalls when he heard a familiar laugh, making him stop dead in his tracks. It was a laugh he had longed to hear. He did a quick turn to scan his surroundings, hoping to find his favorite purple hair that he hadn’t seen for six months, but to no avail. No purple-haired woman was around, but he could still hear the familiar laughter. 

After carefully examining the area, his eyes then found the source. On a stall a few feet away, there was a silver-haired woman with her back turned against him, talking happily to the stall owner. She was the one laughing. He stared at the woman for a long time until she turned slightly at an angle that made it possible for Killer to see the side of her face. Silver hair and green eyes. He first thought it couldn’t be you until he noticed her bulging belly. 

Was it really you? He felt his heart stopped at that moment. Breaking out in cold sweat, hands trembling, he slowly walked over to where you are—then stopped. He started having doubts. 

Do you hate him? 

Do you still love him?

What will you feel once you see him? Scared? Hatred?

Thoughts were running wild in his head, making it more difficult for him to approach you. So he decided to tail behind you instead, as discreetly as he could. He doesn’t want to surprise you and wants to check how you live your life here on the island.

“Uhm, hey, do you know who that woman is?” Killer asked the owner of the stall he was at.

The owner glanced in the direction he was pointing, “Oh, that was Marie. She’s pretty, right? Such a sweet girl. Poor thing was abandoned by the man who got her pregnant. Tsk, that scumbag…”

Killer looked curiously at the old man. “Abandoned?”

“Well, it wasn’t confirmed, but others said that. She’s a very nice kid but don’t talk much about her life before she ended up here. She lives in the mountains by herself. Occasionally, some of us visit her to buy some of her vegetables. She usually goes down here to sell them, but since her belly is growing fast, we told her to stop going up and down the mountains, or it’ll strain her and her baby. Would you like to buy some of these?” As thanks to the information he heard, Killer bought some of the stuff the old man was selling. 

You started walking away, so he followed behind. You notice a presence following you, but no one is there whenever you turn around to check.

IV.

You felt chills but ignored the foreboding feeling. It could’ve been some pregnancy blues. But your anxiety about being discovered by the Kid Pirates was still there. Still, it has already been half a year, and they might’ve been too busy now to even think of you. You could still get some updates about them from time to time. The last thing you read about your former crew was their time in Sabaody two months after you left.

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t hurt by the thought that they could move on quickly after your disappearance. Whether Emma told them about your pregnancy or not, it might’ve been unimportant, just as you thought. It only confirms your belief that you and the baby burden the crew. 

However, sometimes you can’t help but think about Killer. What was his reaction after knowing about the baby?

Was he mad? Was he happy?

Did he try to find you?

Did he even know you are pregnant?

Tears would always well up in your eyes whenever you thought of him. You still love him after a long time, but you assumed that what you did was right. Tying Killer in an obligation he didn’t plan to have was the last thing you wanted for him.

Seeing your small abode gave you relief. Ascending and descending the mountains was quite strenuous; even the folks worried about you. But being alone up here can be lonely, and there is a need for someone to talk to. 

Entering your small hut, you went straight to bed to rest. Your belly is protruding, making you consider whether you’re in your 6th month of pregnancy or not. Its size is kind of exaggerated. You can’t do much about it, though, since there’s no doctor available on this island. The things you do to take care of yourself and the baby inside you came from the tips and tricks shared with you by the old folks and fellow mothers living there.

There’s a sudden kick from your belly, a hyper one. It feels like the baby is getting excited for some reason. “Hey bud, what got you so active today, huh? You never kicked me like that before,” you said while caressing your bump. The baby answered with another strong kick, and it made you laugh.

You kept talking to your bump when a knock came on your door. It wasn’t loud, but it was strong. You’re not expecting any visitors from the folks, so you’re curious about who it could be. You slowly got up and went to open it.

“So you just open the door like that without even asking who it is.” says the man standing before you.

You turned pale and were speechless. Heart beating faster than ever you swear he can also hear it. Your grip on the door tightens, making your knuckles turn white.

“How can you be so careless, Y/N.” the man added, staring intently into your eyes.

You can’t find your words; even if you did, you know you’ll choke on them. He caught you by surprise, and you feel cornered. It was Killer. How he’s able to find you, you have no freaking idea. This island is isolated, and it’s rare for pirates, even the marines, to stop by, making it the perfect place to live your life in seclusion.

Trying to maintain your facade, you said, “I-I’m sorry, sir, but you might be mistaken. M-my na-name is Marie and not Y/N. I-is th-there anything I c-can help you?” mentally smacking your head for stuttering.

“Really? We’re going to continue playing this game, Y/N? ‘Cause I’m getting fuckin’ tired of this shit.” his words were like venom. It stings.

Killer slowly entered the hut. He was more buffer than before. If he pounces at you, you’ll be crushed for sure. Then you notice the thing that he’s holding: knives. 

Is he going to kill you?!

Are you and the baby that bothersome that he needed to dispose of you?

You can feel the anxiety building up, and you start to have a panic attack. Breathing became hard, and you felt a sharp pain in your stomach like it was twisting.

Killer noticed how you clenched tightly at your belly, and your face painted an expression of pain. He quickly grabbed you by the arms in worry, but you shuddered at the contact, resulting in you pushing him away by force.

He was stunned. The face you’re making now, never in his dreams did he think he’d see you make that expression towards him. You were utterly terrified.

“Please don’t touch me. Spare me and my child’s life, please. Have mercy.” you kneeled in front of him, eyes closed, crying, clasping your hands like in prayer, begging for him not to kill you and the baby in your tummy. 

Killer can’t believe what he’s seeing. Why did it end up like this? You were both happy and loving one day, but now you see him as a monster trying to kill you.

It breaks his heart to see you in this state. He doesn’t know what he did for you to be this terrified, but if you only knew how hard he tried to look for you. How happy he was to know you’re carrying his child. It may not be at the right time, but to hell with that. 

You were cowering in fear when you heard a metal clasp unfastening and then a loud thud of something hitting the floor. You cautiously opened your eyes to see what it was and saw Killer’s mask. On the floor.

“Hi, baby.” you heard him say. His tone was soft and sweet, like how he lulls you to sleep every night back in Victoria. You feel his hands slowly cupping your face, guiding you to look at him. “Look at me. Please.”

There was a moment of hesitation before you gathered the courage to meet his gaze. For so long, you had hoped to see those beautiful blue eyes again, even for one last time, and now it was staring back at you.

He was looking at you tenderly while he wiped your tears. Not even a minute passed when you saw his tears flowing freely down his face, too. His lips are quivering like he was trying his best not to be so vulnerable in front of you. But he can’t stop. He waited for this moment to see you and finally hold you. 

He pressed his forehead onto yours, and you stayed in that position for a while. No words. Just feeling the presence of each other. It was comforting. It was familiar.

Living alone wasn’t bad, but it sure as hell was lonely, and you bear with it. But now that Killer is here, even with anxiety and fear, the same feeling he gives you is there. You feel safe. You feel at home.

Your tensed body became more and more relaxed, and you were able to regain even breaths, the panic attack subsiding. It may be the longing that pushed you, but you thoughtlessly kissed him. He jolted in surprise but answered back with the same level of intensity. You lap on each other hungrily while gripping one another tightly as if one of you will suddenly vanish into thin air. It only stopped when you both needed to gasp for air.

“I fucking missed you,” Killer said in between breaths. “Please don’t do that again. You’re killing me.” pain apparent in his voice, and you could only nod in agreement.

“Let’s go home… back to Victoria. Yeah?” he asked, tucking away a strand of your hair behind your ears. You're too emotional to say anything so you nodded profusely.

Killer helped you stand up when you felt the same twisting pain again in your belly. You clenched on your stomach, breathing heavily. You felt something flowing down your legs. When you looked at it, you started to panic again. It was blood.

Blood was streaming down your legs, and you never felt so scared in your life. You were even more afraid now than when you saw Killer a while ago.

“Killer… Oh fuck… Oh fuck… The baby. Our baby. Oh my god…” you were frantic, and then you suddenly fainted. 

Killer was quick to catch you, but he was horrified. He never ran as fast as he did today. He was scared shitless. He sprints back to Victoria with you in his arms, and the first thing he does once aboard is yell out Emma’s name, which startles the crew.

Emma came rushing and saw Killer carrying a woman in a bloodied state. She was confused until Killer said, “It’s Y/N. Sh-she’s bleeding. A lot.” 

“Fuck. To the clinic, quickly.” although shocked, she understood the assignment. 

Upon hearing your name, everyone stopped what they were doing and followed Killer and Emma. The others went to get their captain. The Victoria Punk was in total chaos again that night.

V.

Rugged, heavy footsteps are heard closing in by the clinic area. After hearing what had happened, Kid rushed towards the infirmary. There, he saw a disoriented Killer pacing back and forth in front of the clinic.

“Killer,” he called out to his first mate, but Killer was too occupied to notice his arrival. Kid grabbed him by his right shoulder to let him know he was there. 

When Killer realized it was Kid, he felt a little at ease. “Your mask.” Kid added, giving Killer a knowing look. He had never seen his best friend this lost, even forgetting to wear his precious mask, but he understood how severe the matter was.

“I finally found her, Kid.” Killer said in an anguished voice. He was looking at Kid, but his bangs covered his eyes. “We made up, and she agreed to return. Then she…she was…” his voice started to crack, “she was suddenly bleeding. She fainted, an-and s-she was so pale…”

Kid tightens his grip on Killer’s shoulder, reassuring him. “Oi, Y/N’s going to be fine. Don’t fucking underestimate her. She’s one of us, and there’s no way in hell she won’t pull through this.”

Rubbing a hand down his face, Killer agreed, “Yeah, she is… Of course, she is.”

Kid patted his shoulder, “Get it together, buddy. Take a rest. I’ll wait here.”. He was reluctant, but Kid insisted he take a breather. Being anxious won’t do him any good. He needs to trust that you and the baby are in capable hands. 

But he just can’t leave. You have already suffered enough. The least he could do is stay outside and wait until Emma gives any news about your situation. He also wants to be the first person you’ll see once you wake up. 

“I’m fine. I’ll wait for her here.” Killer declared, walking over to sit on the side of the door. 

Kid didn’t push for it anymore. He knows how stubborn Killer can be if he wants it, so they both wait outside the clinic for the next hour or two when they finally hear the click of the clinic’s door opening. Emma emerges from inside, startled to see the two men towering over her.

“How is she?” they said in unison.

“Ghaaad… Don’t pop out of nowhere like that. You just gave me a mini heart attack.” she remarked, her right hand on her chest.

But Killer doesn’t have time for a chit-chat. He’s been so anxious all this time, “Emma…” he grumbled, which the doctor understood as ‘I don’t give a fuck. Give me an update.’ kind of tone.

“Okay… Okay… First of all, Y/N’s stable, and the reaper won’t be visiting anytime soon.” Hearing it lifts a heavy weight on Killer and Kid’s shoulders. They didn’t even realize they’d been holding their breaths until now. 

“You should see her, although she’s still sleeping.” the doctor mused at Killer. “She’s been calling out your name the whole time.” Killer felt a knot in his chest. You’re probably still scared with all that happened.

“By the way, Cap’n, I need all the help we can get for another matter.“ Emma added, turning over to Kid.

“What is it?”

“You see, Y/N lost a lot of blood because of the bleeding, and it was only fortunate of me to be able to stop it. Thank the heavens. But the damage had been done, and if we don’t find a blood donor for her and do a blood transfusion soon, she might suffer from anemia, which can cause her complications when she finally gives birth. Of course, we don’t want that.” Emma explained. 

Killer tensed at the information. He doesn’t want you to suffer anymore during your pregnancy, and if he could only swap places with you, he would.

He started to turn and walk away, probably to get help, but Kid stopped him. “Didn’t you hear what Emma said? Go to Y/N. I’ll handle the rest.” Kid patted him on his shoulder, then left.

Emma guided Killer to where you were, and there, he saw you peacefully sleeping, with an oxygen mask and other apparatus sticking to your body to help monitor your condition. The doctor then asked to take her leave to help your captain gather the possible blood donors and check their compatibility with you. 

Killer watches over you the entire day and never leaves your side. Some of your crewmates would pass by to ask about your condition and check on their vice-captain. Kid went back to check on both of you as well and to give Killer the new mask he created, but Killer, for the first time, didn’t want to wear it. He said he’d like to make sure you’ll see his face first rather than his mask.

Although a man who doesn’t know emotions, Kid respects his best friend's sentiment and gives him the time he needs to be with you. He strictly told everyone not to bother the first mate and to go directly to him, wire or heat for anything.

The next couple of days that followed were uneventful; the blood transfusion was a success, and who would’ve thought that the best possible match to donate blood to you was your captain, Kid. It's a good thing Kid wasn’t drinking at that time, so he was able to transfer his blood to you readily. You stayed in the infirmary for a whole week until Emma deemed you were well enough to walk around and move again.

Despite that, Killer was stern to keep you in bed. He insists you get more bed rest, or you might bleed again. The poor guy was quite traumatized, but you couldn’t say no, considering that you saw the state he was in when you finally woke up. 

He was sleeping, his head rested on the side of your bed, his hands were on your stomach, and the other was holding yours. You can still remember how tight his grip on your hands was like he was making sure you’ll still be there once he opened his eyes. You caressed his blonde hair with your free hand, and he jerked his head up instantly. You saw how tired he looked, exhaustion obvious in his beautiful face. You were even surprised he wasn’t wearing his mask.

Looking at him tenderly, caressing his face gently, you said his name, and all he could do was kiss your hands and gave you a series of I love you, and I’m sorry.

Emma, fill you in on what happened after you lost consciousness. “I wanna slap you so hard your head would go 360 on me, but then again…” she trailed off a bit before continuing. Guilt showing on her face. If she could’ve just supported you properly and earnestly, you probably wouldn’t have thought of leaving in the first place. “I’m glad you’re alive and now safe. I literally thought of poisoning myself to death if I failed to save you and the baby on time.” she chuckled, teary-eyed.

“Hey, don’t say that! You saved us, see? I’m breathing, and my baby’s well. You’ve already done so much for us, Emma. To be honest, if I only heeded your advice back then…” Emma stopped you, covering your mouth with her hand.

“Let’s not talk about that anymore. All’s well that ends well. Yes?” and you agreed. There’s no point in talking about the past. 

You cleared the misunderstanding between you and Killer. You’re back with your pirate family and the man you love, and everything is returning to normal. 

That is, after a long, heart-to-heart-ish conversation with your captain, though. You found it more challenging to talk to Kid than when you talked it out with Killer. He’s your captain, after all, and what you did was a disrespect to the man you swore your loyalty with. 

*Flashback*

You’re resting in your and Killer’s bedroom when you hear a knock on the door, and it opens. Thinking it was Killer, you slowly turned around to greet him, but the one staring back at you wasn’t Killer, but Eustass Kid, and you weren’t ready to have a conversation with him yet.

“Captain…” you mumbled softly.

His face was as grumpy as usual, “Don’t call me captain if you’re not going to stick around with me.”  he said flatly.

You can only bow your head in embarrassment and guilt. No form of apology you can give can amend the trust you broke when you left the crew behind. Kid might be furious but was only trying his best to contain it for Killer’s sake. You felt your eyes getting wet with the tears trying to fall.

“I-I’m so sorry, captain… It was never my intention to disrespect you and to hurt Killer. I-I only did it for the cre-...” You couldn’t finish your words because of what he did next.

Kid sat beside you, facing your direction, and forcedly hugged you. You winced in surprise but then relaxed after a few seconds. “Stupid,” he muttered. “I never asked for you to do everything or anything on your own. Don’t I always tell you to look after yourself more?”

His hug was tight but comforting. His arms were so strong that he could crush you instantly, but he was gentle to you instead. There was no hostility in that hug. Just a pure, genuine, loving hug. Like what a brother would give to his little sister.

Now the tears have finally escaped your eyes, and you could only hug him back while wailing out your apologies, to which Kid only listens. He was never good at emotions and words, so this is how he thought he could express his worries for you. Hoping you get the message and you did.

After a good 10 minutes, he broke the hug and stared at you. “Listen, Y/N. I fucking hate this moment with all this drama and shit, it’s awkward. But I’m fuckin’ doing it for you. Do you understand what I’m getting at?” you gave him a hearty laugh. 

Of course you do. The gesture was enough to make you feel that whatever you do, he’s your captain but is also your friend. The bond you shared with him and your pledge when you first joined his crew won’t change and falter. In fact, it might’ve been more substantial than before. His donating his blood to you says a lot about it. It was as if the transfusion was a blood pact sealing the bond between you.

Kid never hid the fact that he was still disappointed in you, though, and that you should make it up to him. You gladly agreed and promised to make him as many cabbage rolls as you can. 

*End*

The awkward, teary conversation ends there because prolonging the drama would surely make Kid sick. His letting you see his soft side was already a big deal on his part, and you sincerely appreciate the gesture.

The Victoria Punk was already sailing when you woke up, and here you are, walking around the deck to get some fresh air. Finally, you’re at peace. Everything has come to the right place after six months of hiding and guilt-tripping. You’ve found yourself back in the arms of the man you love so much, and your baby is safe and sound. What more can you ask for?

Strong, familiar arms wrap around you from behind. Their hands stop at your belly. “What causes you to think so deeply? Hmm?” Killer said while planting a kiss on the top of your head.

“Everything that had happened, I guess. Still can’t believe it was all because of my selfishness and failure to communicate properly with you.” you answered in all honesty.

Killer tensed and slowly turned you around to face him. “Hey, aren’t we done with that?” he asked, cupping your face.

You nod, “Yes, we are. It's just… it would still come to mind occasionally. But I’m fine.” you smile at him while holding his hands.

“Emma said you should stop thinking about stressful things. You shouldn’t even think of it at all.” you didn’t answer and just stared at him lovingly. He’s not perfect, and he has killed a lot of people. The same goes for you. You’re not sure if both of you will be good parents, but as long as the child gets his father’s traits, they will definitely grow as a good person.

You hugged Killer tightly, to his surprise. “I love you, Kil. I really do.”

“Where is this coming from? I love you more, of course.” he hugs you back, though not tightly, so as not to put pressure on your tummy when there’s a sudden kick from your belly. 

Both of you glance at each other before bursting into laughter. But Killer suddenly halted and cleared his throat. “Why’d you stop? You know how much we love hearing your laugh.” then there’s another visible kick from your tummy as if the baby agrees with you. “See? Our baby likes it, too. We love how you laugh, so no need to be ashamed of it.”

Killer only scratches his head, but you know he’s blushing inside that mask. He kneels in front of you to level himself with your belly. “Hey, bud. We love you, too. Please don’t make it too hard for momma. We don’t want to trouble her, right?” The baby kicked again like he was conversing with his father.

“I’m starting to get jealous. They’re more active when it’s you.” you pouted, which Killer only chuckled in return.

“Don’t worry, baby.” he said, standing up, “It only means they’re just like you since you love my attention, too.” he added, which made you blush.

“Stupid.” you retorted—face burning red.

“Hey, fuckin’ lovebirds! C’mere!” Kid shouted from a distance, and you know exactly what it is for.

“He’s still at it?” you ask Killer in disbelief.

“Well, he’s too excited, I guess.” he shrugged.

You made your way to Kid’s workshop to be presented with his current masterpiece. “Think it’s good. This one’s better, aye?” Kid asked.

You face-palmed after seeing the finished ‘project,’ as Kid calls it. “What version is this already?” you asked back.

Kid thought for a minute before answering, “version 9.” he said blatantly.

“Are you trying to open up a baby store?! Because at this rate, I think you do.” Killer grab your shoulders to calm you down.

“Don’t care. The others aren’t perfect.”

Kid’s so-called ‘project’ is creating a baby crib suitable for your child, and he was so passionate about it that he kept making an upgraded version. The one he’s presenting right now is the 9th crib he made this week.

“You do realize that you’re more excited than us parents, right?” you teased Kid—an amused grin forming on your lips.

Kid went silent at the accusation and slowly blushed in embarrassment. “I AM NOT!” he shouted.

You laughed so hard at his reaction and continued teasing, “Uh-huh. If you say so, Uncle Kid.” you said, emphasizing the last part. You grab Killer out of the workshop before you hear Kid yelling profanities at you.

“I think he likes his new title.” you told Killer while you both walked back to your shared room.

“He sure does.” Killer retorted, chuckling.

[nookishposts]

Hit Pause

I haven't been able to really write in some time and there are reasons. My life is on a pause for the next while, because my brain and body made me do it; I was not listening so they ganged up to make their point.

I was sitting at work one day, after a series of back-to-back respiratory viruses had left me physically depleted, and suddenly I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. My mind went blank and the simplest tasks slipped away into a maze of confusion. It was scary. I went to see my primary care provider and together we began to untangle the knots that had choked me into a complete stop. She is a smart cookie and knew the right questions to ask. She also had had an eerily similar experience herself, for which I remain very grateful as it means she "gets" what I have a hard time explaining. Including the brutal self-recrimination part.

(I was raised in the era of the Protestant work ethic motto of "Suck it up Buttercup" meaning I went to work no matter what, without complaint because that's what was expected. Taking time off was akin to weakness, in mind and body and that was shameful. We didn't want to let our co-workers down, or miss a paycheck. In those days, employers had the same expectation and could find ways to fire a person they saw as "slacking" if it interfered with production. Thankfully, workplace laws are different now and workers are a bit more protected.)

There were a number of contributing factors. I'd said goodbye to the massage and reflexology practice that had sustained me for 27 years, and with which I had defined myself more than I realised. I/we had experienced a huge number of significant deaths over a period of 10 months, people who had been key figures in my life; family members, mentors, teachers, and contemporaries: I stopped counting after we hit 20. I had taken on a full time job with a health centre I believed in and had worked for previously in a part time capacity, a job that I was very pleased to get, but one that shifted constantly.

Repeated viruses tanked my immune system. I stopped sleeping more than a couple of hours a night and awakened choking on mucus and flailing from nightmares. My muscles and joints hurt and I didn't digest food properly, leaving me with constant nausea and poor nutritional uptake. I fought to get up and just kept trying to push through each dizzying day, but ended up calling in sick more and more often. I became anxious and angry at myself for feeling so vulnerable: because anger is easier than admitting fear. It bothered me deeply that my wonderful office mate and our exceptional manager kept having to cover my ass and that clients, volunteers, and programs were left waiting. Even my teeth were crumbling. From clenching everything back into my throat and lungs. And my soul.

And then I stopped being able to think at all, or remember the simplest things.

I went numb in order to cope.

Blood work revealed that my vitamin D stores were 20% of what they needed to be. I tan easily and figured I was getting enough D from being outside a lot on our micro-farm. Nope. Symptoms of D deficiency include: joint pain and swelling, muscle weakness, tingling and numbing of hands and feet, cognitive issues, disturbed sleep architecture, extreme fatigue and cramping muscle spasms. My practitioner was smart enough to order the test based on a hunch, and she was bang-on. Suddenly a whole lot of seeming unconnected symptoms made perfect sense. Its a slow cumulative deficiency. I am now taking 5 times the daily recommended dose of D and it's starting to make a difference after only a couple of weeks. It's going to take time to get me where I need to go. I am still not sleeping and hence undergoing Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for chronic insomnia. Medications don't work for this, it's a matter of re-setting the sleep drive with careful steps over time, and knowing that it gets worse before it gets better.

But my brain remained in overwhelm drive.

In a flash of inspiration I called my therapist from decades ago, to see if by some chance she was still practising and would agree to see me on zoom, to teach me some better coping strategies. She is, and she does, thank heavens! She knows me and we can skip the preliminaries and get right into things. She also dovetails really well with my primary care practitioner and they tag team me. Together they added to the list of official diagnoses, Compassion Fatigue, which I'd only dimly heard of. I had not had time to grieve and process between the deaths of loved ones, so a cumulative effect swamped me into feeling nothing at all. I was offered the analogy of hitting my thumb with a hammer...the pain is so extreme that you don't even feel it at first because your body goes into protective mode until you can catch up. It was also pointed out to me that I'd put a great deal of my creative and caring energies into a successful practice over 27 years and having to let it go had taken a significant piece of my identity with it. I'd specialised in working with people for whom massage had been challenging: people with body dysmorphia due to illness, trauma, size, scars, age, etc. I missed them. I missed listening, easing seized and painful muscles, and supporting others as they became more comfortable with themselves through patience and practice, one gentle , non-judgemental step at a time.

Which I now need to do for myself. Irony of ironies.

I am at that age where elders and contemporaries are getting sick and dying, it's a statistical inevitability. But these rapidly disappearing loved ones were not acquaintances, they were all people who had impacted my life significantly and helped form the person I am still becoming. They represent to some degree my history and my story. Even now, I find myself picking up the phone to call or text, or composing an email, forwarding a joke, needing to ask a question or seek advice from someone who has moved on to whatever comes after the death of the body. I can put the phone down, but I can't remove their names from my contact lists. Reminders and triggers are everywhere. Rather than fight or deny them, I try to allow them to be part of the shifting kaleidoscope that contributes to my new normal. Growth means change, and some of that means loss. I grieve not just for myself but for the families and friends of those key people. Too many, too quickly.

I have the luxury of medically-endorsed time off. EI sick benefits are coming soon. I have been instructed to rest, eat simply, not think too hard, just allow thoughts and feelings to surface without judgement or analysis. To doodle freely and bypass expectations. That's not easy for a usually over-busy brain like mine. I have to take my vitamins, not push myself, not make any big decisions for a while. Thankfully, my Beloved also gets it, and is gently supportive, watching me slowly return to the person she has lovingly invested so much in. The stony, stoic flatness I experienced was unnerving for her too. My body remains exhausted and unpredictable, my short term memory and word-finding skills still suck and I have to remind myself that it's okay to not be okay. Having met a couple of people who have been through something like this, really helps me feel validated in the amount time it will take to become well again. Regarding my employment work situation, I have been reminded : "Its not your job to take care of them. It's theirs." Okay.

If I am fortunate, I will get another 25-30 years on the planet and I want to spend them well, especially since they seem to go so fast. The last thing I want to be fighting is myself. Managing perceived expectations versus the glorious sticky mess of human reality is a fool's game and can make a person sick. And it can all be gone in a heartbeat anyway, in spite of our best intentions. Savour it all.

Pay attention when your body speaks. Give your brain a break. Love yourself enough to be appreciative of all that you are, and forgive what you aren't. We are so much better at offering these axioms than living them. Learning the hard way is still learning.

[alteringdream]

Uhh, second part of this

Warnings: prison arc with consequently implied previous torture, sleep deprivation

Technoblade is stuck with him.

The realization is heavy, pinning him down further yet, heavier than mining fatigue, lower than his other visitor's tools.

It's absolutely fucking hopeless. But instead of moping or laughing at it, Dream sits and writes in the book, dutifully recalling every single detail of Pandora's Vault.

There's not even that much.

It's only some time later that Techno speaks up again, until then content to silently observe the surroundings. "You know, you got time. You can take a break, I'm not going to force you to stay up divulging to me the entire blueprints of this place."

Dream winces (he does that a lot nowadays) and shakes his head.

Maybe he should be surprised he can still hope.

"You really aren't looking too good-"

Dream lifts his head to give him a deadpan stare, perceivable even through the mask.

"-even for someone stuck in a fancy prison," Techno amends. "It's like you don't get the basic things here. Food, entertainment. When's our outside stroll?"

Dream scoffs and wordlessly gestures to the meager array of raw potatoes.

Technoblade abruptly ends his rant and Dream instinctively stiffens. "No, really, take a nap or something. It's becoming painful to look at you."

The request doesn't really sit right with Dream. It's unclear what Techno is trying to accomplish, of what he should be wary. There's not a lot he has to begin with, even less that he wouldn't willingly give-

"Dream?"

"I'm good."

Techno exaggeratedly blinks at him and says, "I don't believe that."

There's a rush of sharp intense rage surging through Dream; of course he's not fucking good, curled up in a corner of an obsidian prison, still beaten up and not healing anytime soon, stuck, always stuck here while everything else falls apart and now Technoblade is stuck here too and isn't that a fucking mess, the scalding tears rivaled only by the licks of flames and lava.

Anger dissipates quicker than it came, leaving only exhaustion stringing him together.

"..Dream?" His voice is fainter, but also maybe softer, the perfect bait before the bear trap but he falls for it again and again. "Dream, c'mon, answer."

"What." It lacks the energy necessary to count as snapping.

"Seriously, take a nap."

Dream resists the urge to laugh, only allowing a half hidden grimace to come through. "I don't sleep."

"Why not? You got a house now, I don't see the problem." When it becomes clear Dream won't say anything else, Techno adds, "I'll take watch. Wake you up if there's a visitor."

Dream pretends his blood didn't run cold at that prospect. There's only one person willing to visit him. And one idiot that got caught.

"Here." There's something flying towards him. Dream instinctively catches it a second before it hits him and flinches hard at the unexpected contact. It's soft, fabric bunched in his arms. "A pillow," Techno explains, "or a blanket, I don't judge. Though feels like it's hot enough in here already."

"I don't sleep," numbly repeats Dream, for lack of anything else to do.

"Right. Well, I do, so excuse me, I'm gonna take a nap." Techno sprawls on the edge of the netherite blocks, appreciatively checking them out again. Soon enough, he stops moving, only calm breathing audible over lava's flow.

Dream stares at him for a significant time, reconciling himself with the new picture of the prison. Black and purple obsidian, netherite, glowstone, molten red and, now, a person, a pig pink with loud tones, loud voice, loud mouvements.

He still doesn't sleep but he takes the book on his lap, closes it and lays down, head on the soft tissue, carefully avoiding pressing into any bruises and wounded spots. He hugs the book close to his chest.

He doesn't feel good. There's nothing good here. But it's nice, neutral, when a lot of things aren't.

[astheroid]

“Are you still mad at me?”

Bokuto

⚠️ Angst to fluff, insecurities and implied depression

Bokuto stared feverishly at the small bright screen in his hands. His fingers, clenched so tightly they hurt, ghosted over his phone.

It had been exactly three days, twelve hours, fifty-two minutes, and four seconds since you had last responded to him.

He gulped, anxieties swirling in his stomach.

‘Do they hate me now?’

‘Did I really drive them away?’

‘No, no. They love me. Don’t they?’

‘Fuck, Koutarou. You screwed up again.’

‘Don’t let this be like last time.’

‘Please… they can’t have left for good.’

‘I don’t want to be alone.’

He brushed his hair out of his eyes with clammy hands. You had snapped at him for being too pushy with his affection earlier, and the memory was the only thing plaguing his mind.

“Kou, you can’t expect me to drop everything for you.” You said, eyebrows furrowed. “I have work to do.”

“I know that, I just wanted you to come to this one practice. It’s really important.” He said, playing with his hands.

“Why do you need me there?”

“Well… Tsumu, Shoyo, and I figured out a new attack and I wanted you to see.”

You shook your head. “Maybe next time. I’m so close to getting that promotion, and taking time off from work wouldn’t look good for me.”

“It’s just one day, baby. Can’t you work it out with your boss?” He questioned. His arms attempted to pull you into a hug, but you shrugged him off.

“It’s not ‘just one day’. It’s the day before the biggest meeting of the year.” You looked up at him. “Stop being so pushy with this.”

He gulped, eyes falling to the floor. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“Look, I’m sorry I can’t make it and I love you, but you need to leave. I won’t be able to get anything done with you here.”

He tried his best to smile. “Okay! Hug me before I go?” You nodded and opened your arms. He scooped you up and swung you around before he heard a loud ‘thunk’.

He wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings and knocked your coffee onto your laptop. His eyes widened and he immediately set you down.

“Shit, honey! I’m so so so sorry.” He exclaimed, frantically trying to sop up the liquid with his shirt. His panicked movements only pushed the coffee around, thoroughly soaking your workspace.

You stood there speechless, fists clenched by your sides. Had your work been autosaved before the spill? Would your laptop turn on? Were the notes on your desk still legible?

“Kou, what the fuck.” You muttered, the frustration from your stressful week starting to slip out.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I totally wasn’t looking where I was going and I swear I’ll make it up to you.” He stammered, looking everywhere but you.

“That laptop you just fried was almost a thousand dollars.” Your voice was trembling.

“I know, I'll buy you a new one just please-”

“That document that may or may not have been saved took me a week to get halfway through.” You stood up straight, looking him dead in the eyes.

“Please calm down, sweetie. It was an accident and I’ll make it up to you any way you want.” He pleaded, white t-shirt soaked brown.

“You can’t fucking make that up to me. Just leave.” You said, trying your best to regulate your breathing.

“It-it’s gonna be okay.” He tried to touch your arm with a watery smile.

“FUCKING LEAVE! I DON’T WANT YOU HERE!” You snapped, tears now rolling down your face. “I don’t want you to touch me. I don’t want you to talk to me. I want to be alone so I can sort out this problem YOU caused.” You gestured to your ruined desk.

He was shaking, only capable of staring at you with horrified eyes. “I’m sorry, I thought a hug might make you feel better.”

“Knocking over my shit and destroying my property isn’t making me feel better,” You ranted. “In fact, it’s making me feel terrible. I can’t stand you being so touchy and annoying all the time, it just messes everything up.”

This hit him right in the insecurities. “Okay. I’ll leave. Um. Have a good day, honey.”

“Don’t call me that.” You muttered, wiping your desk down.

He nodded and left, softly closing the door behind him.

That night he had a complete breakdown. Tears soaked his pillow as he shook his bed with loud hics, his throat was sore from crying. He took the next few days off because he couldn’t bring himself to get out of bed.

The three day thirteen hour mark soon passed. It was well past bedtime, but Bokuto couldn’t sleep. The dark circles under his eyes were proof enough.

As his fatigued body slumped down his headboard, his phone let out three soft ‘ding’s.

His fingers quickly typed a response.

His cheeks were burning from his wide smile.

Before he could celebrate, you texted him again.

He hesitated with his response. What would you say if you knew he had been skipping practice? Would you be mad at him for being lazy? He hadn’t eaten since the fight, what if his stomach grumbled at the wrong time?

He shook his head and typed an answer.

It was maybe thirty minutes before you arrived at his door.

He opened the door and smiled, reaching out to pull you into a hug before flinching. Right. You didn’t want him to touch you.

You looked at him guiltily. “I’m sorry, Kou. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s my fault. I didn’t look where I was going and I was being annoying.”

You grabbed his arm, eyes wide. “That’s not true. It’s not your fault and I regret everything I said, baby. I’m sorry for saying that to you.”

He closed his eyes, his laugh sounding more like a sob. “Thanks, but I get it. You were stressed and I was being too pushy. I won’t do it again, I swear.”

You wrapped your arms around him and hugged tightly. As soon as he felt your comforting touch, the dam broke and he was crying like a baby all over again. “I real-really want to make it up to you.” He sniffled, pawing at his eyes.

You gently took his hand and led him to his bedroom, sitting him down on the bed.

“It’s my fault. Don’t blame yourself, alright? I love how affectionate and passionate you are. You’re never annoying.” You assured, kissing him between words. His cheeks were damp and he didn’t smell all that great, but in the moment you couldn’t care less.

“I love you.” He mumbled, pulling you closer. You stroked his back as he cried in your arms.

“I love you too. I’ve never stopped loving you and I never will. You’re perfect and amazing.” You whispered. He hiccuped and buried his face further into your chest.

It was quiet for a moment, the only sound being his quiet sniffles. He eventually pulled his head up and kissed you on the cheek. “Are you still mad at me?” he asked, thumbing the tear streaks on your face.

“Of course not! I’m not that mean.” You teased, voice shaky. “Let’s get you to bed, okay?” He nodded and allowed you to take off his shirt, replacing it with a fresh one.

You tucked him into bed, curling around him and combing through his hair with your fingers. “I love you.” You said, face pressed into his back.

“Love you too.” He murmured. He slipped into sleep as you whispered reassurances, petting his hair.

Returning to ‘normal’ was a slow but necessary process that took effort from both parties. Arguments aren’t something easily resolved by a bit of sweet-talking, but rather a process that both strains and strengthens your relationship. Through this experience, you both learned a lot about each other and your specific needs.

You realize that love isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but understanding and meaningful conversation will repair most wounds.

Love with Bokuto was most certainly something you wanted to keep.

As a Bokuto kinnie that relates to the feelings of being too annoying or clingy, this hurt to write :,)

[whimsicallyreading]

Could you please do "Dude why the fuck are you covered in cake"? I love your writing!

(Here ya go 😎 I took a slight liberty. Forgive me.)

Dark Roast, Cake Please-

When Rowan enters the kitchen, it takes a moment for his brain to catch up with what his eyes are seeing.

“Adelia, why the fuck are you covered in cake?” The tiny brunette with her mother’s eyes is covered in chocolate frosting.

Dell doesn’t look even somewhat remorseful, “Da!”

She makes her grabby hands at him, and Rowan scoops his daughter into his arms. “Love, that was your Mommy’s cake. You ate her cake.”

“Mo?” She points at the ruined mass of chocolate and hazelnuts.

Rowan sighs and grabs a crumb of chocolate to place on her tongue. Dell croons happily and claps her hands. It was impossible to be mad at her. Impossible. “Shit, Delly. You’ve made quite a mess.”

“I’m pretty sure you aren’t supposed to swear in front of kids, Ro.” Fenrys comes in from Lyria’s garden. “It sets a shitty example.”

Fen holds out his hands, and Adelia willingly melts into his grasp. Traitor. “I’ll clean Delly up. It looks like you have a mess to sort out.”

Dell is placed on Fenrys’ shoulders, her chubby fists clenching into his hair. “Let’s go, Pup! Robot time.” His partner makes some whirring noises and takes a few uneven steps that sends Adelia into fits of laughter.

Fenrys took his job as Del’s godfather very seriously.

When they disappear, Rowan finally lets the disappointment hit him. It really meant a lot to him that tonight goes smoothly.

Half of the cake is perfectly intact, but the side that Dell got to was in disarray. She hadn’t even eaten a great deal, just squished it in her hands. It had taken him over a week to find someone who knew the recipe to Aelin’s favorite dessert. Then he’d had to wait two weeks after that because it was a special order.

Rowan isn’t sure where to even start to fix this, but first, he needs coffee.

It’s at that very unfortunate moment, when his back is turned, that Aelin materializes behind him.

“Wow, Ro. I knew you couldn’t cook, but I thought cutting cake with a knife is just common sense.”

Rowan jumps whirls around. “You aren’t supposed to be here. Get out.”

Aelin’s happy expression dips, and she places a hand on her swollen stomach. “I’m sorry. Let me just leave my house.”

“No,” Rowan digs the heal of his hands into his eyes. “Shit, I didn’t mean it like that.”

He pulls out a chair and sits at the table. Acceptance that his plan was officially ruined finally reaching him. “This was supposed to be a surprise. I messed it up. I’m sorry.”

Aelin’s brow furrows, “A surprise?”

“Yeah,” Rowan tugs Aelin down to sit in his lap and take in the ruined cake in with him. “A baby shower. Since we never got to have one for Dell.”

“What?” Aelin tilts his chin and forces him to meet her gaze. “We had a party for Del?”

“Not until after she was already born,” Rowan trails off. The days surrounding Adelia’s birth were darker than they should have been. Sooner than they should have been.

Aelin had suffered with that pregnancy. Instead of a happy, expectant mother, Aelin was broke, exhausted and caught up in exposing an international drug ring. Rowan felt he had a lot to blame for everything that went on.

Now, Aelin is in a better place. They both are. Still, pregnancy was making her sick as a dog. Fatigue and nausea plagued her, and according to Yrene she was again a high risk.

“Our friends are coming over soon, and we were going to do presents and cake-“ he nods towards the glob of chocolate. “But our child has other ideas.”

Aelin is thoughtful for a moment, Rowan is worried she’s upset, but when she turns her face is cracked with a wide smile. “This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done.”

She presses a kiss to his lips and he’s taken aback. “No one is going to want to eat that cake,” he gently informs Aelin when she pulls back.

His wife snorts. “No. Our daughter is a genius. Is that coffee I smell?”

“Yes,” Rowan measures his words, “but Yrene said-“

“Nonsense.” Aelin pulls out an knife and cuts the mashed up portion. “We aren’t phased by our own daughter’s germs? More for us. She placed a reservation on the whole thing.”

Scooping the ruined bit onto a plate, what was left looked perfectly edible. Just uneven.

For a detective he’s feels like an idiot.

Aelin grabs two mugs and pours the coffee. No sugar for him, and half the container for her. She returns to the spot on his lap and hands him a fork. “Better get started. We don’t want anyone to get the impression we’re sharing.”

Rowan can’t help the smile creeping up on him. Damn. He loves her. “You are perfect, have I ever told you that?”

Aelin spoons a bite of chocolate into her mouth. Eyes rolling back in contentment. “I’m sure it was somewhere in the vows.”

Fenrys comes back in with a much cleaner Del, and freezes when he sees Aelin. “Shit. You aren’t supposed to be here.”

Aelin stabs her spoon in his direction. “Swear in front of my kid again and I’m going to dig your eyeballs out Moonbeam.”

Fenrys looks at Rowan, “but?”

Rowan glares at him and shakes his head. His partner gives him a sour look. “Fine. My bad.”

“Ma!” Dell squirms out of Fenrys’ grip and toddles over to them.

Aelin scoops her up and sets Adelia on her lap. Her stomach gets in the way slightly, but Dell doesn’t care as a bite of chocolate is spooned into her mouth. Rowan closes his eyes to relish this moment.

He has his whole world in his arms right now.

[justwonder113]

I saw that you're gonna start writing haikyuu fanfic and !!! I have a request if you don't mind. Daichi with a girlfriend (or partner if you prefer writing gn) who is usually very tough (not necessarily stoic or mean) they're pretty physically strong and generally have spent their lives looking out for themselves and everyone else(v self sacrificial... probably to an unhealthy degree) and daichi and them have a fight and they just sorta break down about how they always have to look after themselves and everyone else and how no one's ever been the one to protect them and they just want a moment where they don't feel like they have to fight all the time, perhaps ends in fluff? Idk if you like the idea I would love to read your take on it but if not that's totally cool!:)

Hi there, thank you so much for an amazing request like this it was an amazing challenge for me and I really hope you like it, I'm really sorry I haven't been able to update it earlier, it's just it turned out harder than I imagined, but I'm really glad I finished it, I really enjoyed writing it maybe it's because I know the feeling but i don't know, I hope this is what you had in mind and I hope you will like it too.

Daichi x ( f)Reader (but nothing's really implied so basically I think it's gn, have to proof read it again.)

WARNINGS:Angst to fluff, mental breakdown and anxiety attack, also a reader who isn't somfortable showing their emotional side and is more of a lone wolfs who can take care of everything by themselves.

Word cound; around 3k

You didn't even know when you started shielding yourself from everyone and everything or when was the first time you thought that you had to be the one in control of everything all strong and all, but it was part of you now definitely. You didn't think of it as something bad and you certainly didn't expect that your timidness could lead you to having an argument with your boyfriend.

For as long as you knew you were the one taking care of everything, you dealt with your own stuff and sometimes even helped others with theirs. It was always like that and at this point you just got used to it.

You liked the fact that you were this reliable, strong and independent person in the other's eyes. It made you feel better about yourself. Just knowing that people felt like they could trust you and come up to you was kind of ego boosting. It was also good knowing that there were people who looked up to you and admired you.

You were fine with keeping up this image if you knew that you made others feel at least somewhat better with your words of advice.

You knew how important it was sometimes to just let everything out but you were not like so many of your acquaintances, you couldn't just go to someone and vent out everything you had in you no matter howuch you trusted them or how approachable they were. Firstly, if you were to open up to someone you would need to have really deep trust to the said person, and secondly you just couldn't vent out because you knew how it felt like to be on the receiving end.

You loved your friends and you would move mountains for them, you really appreciated that they felt safe with you and trusted you, but sometimes being on the receiving end all the time and taking all this negativity away from them was really emotionally draining. Like some people would come up to you whining about all the drama in their lives and how miserable they were, they would let out everything and then would just leave without even asking how you were doing. You just couldn't do the same to the others no matter how much you were going through, you wouldn't burden them with your problems and all your drama. Even if it meant storing everything inside for all eternity.

Well it wasn't like you didn't want to let your emotions out and vent out everything to everyone, to let someone else help you bear this burden at least once, especially at times when you felt most vulnerable, then dealing with all this seemed impossible, whenever you were so stressed that it was affecting your lifestyle, you couldn't eat drink or sleep normally. Or whenever everything seemed to pile to the point that you felt this horrible tightness in your chest area, when your stomach was swirling nonstop and you felt claustrophobic, when your breathing was shaggy and your mind was foggy yet wouldn't stop working and kept coming up with all those unnecessary thoughts. Those were the times when you truly felt that no matter how strong and capable you were you didn't want to be alone. You didn't want to be this strong person for just this moment, you didn't want to be the one in control you wanted to be the one taking cared of and being pampered. You wanted to just let go knowing that someone was there to listen to you, to hold you when you finally fell apart.

You thought that maybe you were shielding everyone from this side of you, you didn't want to burden them, you didn't want to come as overbearing and maybe you were shielding yourself from them too, because what if others found you annoying, too weak, fragile and unable to take care of everything. Maybe they would find out that, in the end, you were nothing special, you were too pain and just not worth it, so it was a perfect defence mechanism.

You weren't doing anything wrong right? So then why was it the reason you got in the fight with your boyfriend? Why was something that was meant to protect you this much pain? And why couldn't you say anything even after this? Why were you still terrified of speaking up? You were talking about Daichi whom you trusted with your whole life. A man who was willing to be with you trhough thick and thin. You didn't know anyone else who was more reliable and kind or sweet like him. You felt thankful everyday that you had him by yourside, he made almost everyday better for you.

Maybe that's why you were so afraid to speak up? That he was so perfect? Maybe after seeing this side of yours he would realize how much more he deserved. He would realize how flawed you actually were and that you were not worth all this trouble and that terrified you. You were most definitely not ready to end things with him, not that you were thinking that you would ever be. Daichi was the one thing you wanted constantly in your life, you were hundred percent sure of it. He was really precious and dear to you even though he didn't really believe you now.

You felt that you were slowly losing control over yourself and gripped yourself tighter, to make you feel more safe. It felt like the walls were closing down on you and you felt claustrophobic even though you were on the balcony and the chilly wind was hitting you in the face. Your whole body was trembling but not from the cold weather or your chilly out of place attire. You felt numb like there was nothing inside you, only this heavy thing on your chest and all this thoughts that were only making things worse.

What was the time even? You lost track of it trying to regain yourself, it had to be really late, as you watched horizon you noticed that sun would soon start to rise, you stayed up all night huh? Daichi would wake up soon too to go to work too, how could you avoid him then? You didn't know what to tell him, what to do. You coudln't even go to bed, to lay next to him, you felt guilty because you knew that as much as you had your reasons to act this way he had them too and he also was in pain because of you, because he thought that you didn't trust him and didn't love him enough. You felt terribly guilty because you couldn't even manage to say anythin after he opened up to you, after he showed you his vulnerable side. Daichi wasn't the one to openly talk about his emotions so you knew what it cost him too. You hated yourself so much for it.

You couldn't really stop the tears at this point, any second now you would fall apart and you didn't even know if you would be able to pick yourself up before he woke up.

"Y/N?" You heard a deep grumble making you jump. You looked back to see your boyfriend looking at you with wide eyes. In seconds he was next to you wiping your tears away, scanning your face carefully. "You're freezing! What are you doing here? Didn't you go to sleep? What about your clothes? Where is your robe? You will catch a cold!" He kept mumbling to himself while rubbing your cheeks gently, he looked completely awake now. How did he care about you so much after you hurt him this bad, how did he not leave? Why was he so worried about you? Were you really worth it? Why did he really love you? So many whys were piling up in your head.

You felt this tightness against your heart and you doubled over holding your chest tightly. The sobs kept breaking our from your mouth and your whole body was shaking uncontrollably. Daichi immediately took you in his arms and took you inside sitting you both on the bed and wrapping a blanket around you to at least somehow warm your freezing body. His large hands immediately found their place around you as he helped you sit on his lap, rubbing soothing circles there and there to help you calm down whilest murmuring against your neck to just keep breathing.

"I'm here love, you're safe, you can let it all out." He mumbled and placed a kiss on your shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere... You're safe, I'm here with you." You continued sobbing you couldn't really stop now, it was as if the dam was finally broken, you couldn't really hold anything in even if your life was on the line Daichi was the only one grounding you. Thankfully Daichi didn't even think of letting go, he held you in his arms and let you let everything out. It felt like you've been crying for hours, eventually fatigue must have taken over because the next thing you saw was total darkness.

When you opened up your eyes the first thing you noticed was the brightness, it must have been at least noon now. The next thing was two arms still being tight around your frame.  Your head was still on Daichi's  shoulder. He must have moved you both because both of you were under a blanket now, still in yesterday's attire. You felt a bit sore, but that must have been from sitting for hours on the balcony. Your head hurt like crazy, it felt like you had one of the worst hangovers, you could swear you could hear slight ringing.

"Are you awake love?" Daichi asked quietly to check if you were really awake, he shifted slightly groaning quietly, it made you jolt up which was a bad decision because your head hurt even more now.

"Were you like this all night? God I'm sorry it must have been so uncomfortable!" You felt guilty seeing that he spent all night sitting against bed frame having you in his lap. It must have been really uncomfortable.

"It's fine, I didn't really want to let you go. How could I, I think it was the first time I have ever seen you cry. It scared the hell out of me when I saw that you were not in the bed and then it scared me even more when I saw that you were on the verge of breaking down on the balcony at 4am. How are you feeling now?" He took your hand in his and looked at you expectantly.  You froze, it was what you were afraid of, you made him worry so much and he saw how pathetic you could get, on top of it you made him spend whole night like that just because he felt responsible of you. "Okay I can hear gears in your head shifting and based on your look right now I'm pretty sure you're thinking unnecessary stuff. Just don't hold back talk to me, please?" He looked at you with pleading eyes, squeezing your hand tighter.

"I made you worry, and you spent the whole night holding me in that uncomfortable position all because I couldn't hold it in and was weak." You mumbled in shame.

"Who said that I thought you were weak?" Daichi asked and he honestly looked dumbfounded.

You took a deep breath and looked away. "I'm saying it, I hate it when I can't control my emotions and act like a whiny crybaby. I hate whenever it happens, and everything seems out of my control, and I especially hate it there's another one to witness it. I don't want people to see how weak I am." You finally said it and looked down in shame wrapping your hands tighter around your frame. You looked up when Daichi pinched both of your cheeks and inspected your face again. "Ow Dai what are you doing?" You whined.

"Had to make sure you were human and not a robot." He smiled at you and kissed your hand. " I will tell you a secret, I have never thought that you were at least somewhat close to being weak, in fact you're probably one of the strongest people I have ever met. I admire you, I really do.  You're so strong, confident, this powerful person whom everyone loves and admires including me." He placed another kiss on your temple, "you don't know how proud I am to be called your boyfriend! And I don't see this habit of yours as something bad, I was out of line yesterday and I really hurt you saying that you don't trust me or love me, it was never my intention to make you worry this much and seeing you in that shape because of me really broke my heart. I know you trust me and I know you love me, you never fail to make me realize it. You're always there for me whenever I need it, through thick and thin, you always know what goes in my mind and always help me with whatever you can, I can't really count how many times you have helped me. You make every day brighter for me and I can't help but feel thankful that I have you. You don't have to worry about it okay? It's just that I got insecure and it really got to me that's why I was on edge yesterday and provoked an argument." He rubbed his neck  sheepishly when he noticed that you were dumbfounded, he took a deep breath to continue. " It's just that seeing you being all reliable and approachable made me question if I was doing at least remotely good job being there for you too, you're always doing everything on your own like you don't need anyone else to do what's needed and I was worried that you would realize that you didn't really need me. I guess it was my own way of saying that I needed some sort of confirmation." He rubbed his neck looking away from you, "I know you're capable of taking care of yourself and that you don't like showing your vulnerable side, that's completely understandable but you're a human too. You shouldn't just hold everything in, you have to let it out at some point and I want to be there for you when that happens. I like that you're always there for others, for me but I don't want you to forget about yourself, I want you to think about yourself more. You're amazing, the most amazing human being and I thank the stars everyday that I met you. But when I see you struggling hut still trying to shrug it off to play it off because you don't want to burden anyone or just because you're not used to asking for help really breaks my heart. I can't bear to imagine that something like yesterday can happen again. I've known you for years and no matter how much you try to hold it in I notice when you're struggling. I know you have been stressed a lot these days, you don't eat nor sleep like you used too and there's also some other signs. I wanted to give you time, you would approach me when you felt like it but when you never did I started questioning whether or not was I a reliable partner for you. Now I realize I was just feeling pretty and how much my words actually hurt you." He leaned his forehead on yours, "I'm sorry love." Listening to all this you could feel your your eyes start to water up but somehow you didn't really feel the urge to bring yourself together asap, you felt oddly comfortable.

"Have I ever told you that even tears look best on you? God how am I so lucky?" Daichi teased you and started littering your face with kisses making a smile break from you. You smiled fondly as you started to play with his hair, Daichi only hummed in appreciation. "Man, how am I so lucky?"

"Shut up, you're being sappy." You tested, Daichi grinned.

"I'm not the one in love with a sappy person," his eyes tingled with mischief.

"Well, I can't deny that, it's very much true." You purred and gave him a kiss, "I'm helplessly in love with a sap, who is the most amazing boyfriend, he's the most loyal, kind, dependable and amazing person, who makes me happy every day. I trust you the most and I know that I can count on you any time of any day. I didn't approach you because I didn't want to affect the mood, your life has been going on great and I didn't want ro ruin your good mood. I also knew that part of my problems were caused by me so I wasn't really in the mood to talk about it and I knew I had to be one to take care of everything, well I thought I could. Mostly I didn't want you to think I'm weak, I'm not that confident and powerful and I have many flaws I was kind of afraid you would see it and realize that you deserve better" you sniffed and rubbed You nose, you felt vulnerable, it felt as if you were naked and were showing yourself to Daichi, every word was stained and forced and it made you really uncomfortable but you wanted him to know everything, he deserved it. Daichi gripped your hand tighter to encourage you. "It's just I've been dealing with everything on my own since I remember, it was always me, at first it was really lonely but when people started noticing my independence and resourcefulness I kinda grew into it, it was like a confidence booster, but after that when I really needed help, when I was unable to come up with solutions I found it impossible to ask for help. I'm supposed to be strong I'm supposed to be smart so why am I asking for help to others? Can't I deal with this? I just can't find the power to go up to others even when I know that it's most reasonable thing. I know I can rely on you and you don't realize how much of a breather it's for me, and you help me in so many ways and I think you don't even realize that. I'm trying to say that I will try better and I will make sure to get over this problem but I will need time, but please remember that I really love you and I trust you with my life and I will do my best to make sure you know it okay?" You were amazed, it felt like something lifted of your chest and Daichis smiling face only made the feeling stronger. Tears were still streaming down your face but you didn't really care, this was who you were and you wanted to show it to him.

"You're not perfect love and you will never be" your heart skipped a beat at Daichi's serious tone, you felt terrified because it felt like the moment you dreaded the most, you knew he loved you but you also knew he was one of the reasonable guys, "the word is already flawed because nothing in this world is perfect, not you, not me and not everyone and not everything. Everything has it's flaws I have them as much as you do. You don't need to be perfect and you don't need to work yourself to fix your flaws. You are who you are and that's why I love you, I love everything about you including this so called weak side of yours. I love that you strive to be the best but I don't like that you're bringing yourself down to achieve it. You're amazing, you're capable, you're kind and you're smart and god you're so beautiful both on the inside and outside. I think I'm lucky I'm even breathing the same air as you, " he smiled cheekily at you making you giggle. "I want to say that you don't need to fix anything this is who you are and I love and support you, but if you want to improve I'm here and I will help you every step of the way. I will be always there for you, you don't even have to tell me anything just somehow point to me that you need me and I will do my best, we can talk about it for hours or we can just sit in silence for the whole night but you will know that I'm with you, just please don't be afraid to approach me, I will never judge you and I will never turn my back on you. In fact" Daichi got up and went to one of the drawers only to take out small box and return to you. You looked up at him with wide eyes. " I didn't plan on giving you this het because I wanted to plan this romantic evening but I think it's a good idea to give it to you now. Y/n you're the love of my life, and as cheesy as it sounds you're my sun, my moon and my stars, you make me feel more alive than I ever was and you just make everything better. I can't promise you a wedding or something in the near future but I want to give you this to let you know how serious I am about you and this relationship. I want to give you this as a sign that I will be there for you and I will love you till the rest of my days. I love every part of you and I want to help to teach you how to love them too." He put the box on your palm after he finished speaking, you were speechless, and torn between wanting to jump on him and drown him with kisses and proclamations of your love and curiosity of the box. You opened the box to find that beautiful ring you were eyeing few weeks ago when you went out with Daichi.

"I think I fell for you harder." You mumbled still in shock, you stared ar your new ring with lovesick eyes, which by the way sat perfectly on your fingers.

"well look who's being a sap now," Daichi grinned and kissed the hand you put your ring on. "But either way it's good because since I didn't go to work today I demand my cuddles now and I expect to be given them now, few kisses would be nice too." You giggles and got closer to him.

"Aww is my babyboy feeling needy?"You teased but still started kissing his face, Daichi smiled and nodded his head, holding you by the waist tightly. You smiled and got closer to him, everything felt just perfect. He really was your safe heaven.

[yoshiiiiiiikunnn]

Lullaby

I really want to go back to writing fanfics. So, here's a futile attempt of writing an angst fic!

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Warnings: Major Character Death (that's not even tragic), Out Of Character people (clearly i don't play that much but i love this fandom), and Angst (if you can see that)

Relationships: No Romantic Relationships!

P.S. Wrote it at 2 AM on Google Keep so cut me some slack /lh

Listen to the Song for the last part for the best experience!

You have been in the Devildom for quite some time now. Spending time with the Brothers. You were having great times. But one thing was for sure. You were sick.

Your memory has been getting bad, persistent headaches and body aches. Always fatigued for no reason. You feel strained, physically and maybe emotionally. Was Devildom actually hurting you, and you didn't know?

Today felt...different. You felt some kind of weight was coming off of your back. You felt somewhat free. But you didn't look good at all. Bags around your eyes, pale skin, and dry lips. Overall, you were not feeling good at all.

You wanted to rest but you, the brothers, the purgatory hall residents, Diavolo and Barbartos were coming over to the House of Lamentations for a movie night, and a sleepover. You itched that you were not going to join today, so you could rest, but they really insisted. With a heavy sigh, you rose up from your bed and came down to the common room, where everyone was. You greeted them with your warm smile and they greeted you back. They were very happy indeed to see you.

Asmodeus commented though about how you looked 'horrible'. Well he's not wrong, you haven't slept for what, 2 or 3 days? You shrugged off his comment and hung out with everyone. Luke called you over to taste the snacks he baked. You came over to the kitchen, since of course it was about food, normally Beel would be there. Luke was nagging him about letting you taste the snacks first.

Of course you took one, it tasted perfect, not too sweet just enough for your tastebuds to feel satisfied. Beel took one--no he took the entire batch that Luke baked despite the angel's constant nagging.

Luke sighed, but there still were more being currently baked. You heard Simeon and Solomon coming over as well to check if everything was alright in the kitchen. You smiled weakly at both of them, they of course noticed your lack of energy. They were worried about you, but you shrugged it off, assuming it was just a common cold. Solomon reminded you about both of you studying and practicing magic again tomorrow, you nodded and said you would go.

The movie was about to start, and Lucifer called everyone to the common room, and there were pillows and futons laid out in front of the TV. You sat on the floor in front of the couch so you could lean back on the couch to support your slightly aching back.

Everyone started huddling around you. Belphie was laying on your lap, Mammon was sitting beside you, so was Diavolo and beside him was Barbatos. It's like they were starting a cuddle pile on you, but you didn't mind at all, you could say you even liked it.

The movie started playing. Mammon was holding on tight to your arm, you were only a few minutes in the horror movie you were watching and he was already scared. You teased him and his face was red in embarrassment, he pulled his arms away from yours saying how he wasn't at all scared. You grinned at his tsundere acts.

Something didn't feel right though, slowly something was fading away from your being. You were getting cold, but you never paid any mind to it. You continued to spend time with everyone, like it was your last.

After the movie, everyone just childishly started throwing pillows everywhere--a pillow fight. Levi started it at first throwing a pillow at Mammon and getting angry at him for another one of his missing figurines. Mammon wanted to fight back but he accidentally hit Satan, and now it came to this. You joined with the pillow fight, your laughs erupted the room. This continued until everyone was finally worn out.

They were now preparing to sleep, you just sat up, weirdly you felt uncomfortable sleeping lying down. Then you heard Belphie say, "Can you sing a lullaby again?" You laughed awkwardly, then jokingly said "Really Belphie? Again? You're just like a baby." Belphie sighed, "Well, that's because I really like your singing voice, it's calming."

You were red when he said that, "N-No it's not! What are you saying?!" Everyone chuckled at your expression. But then you heard Satan speak up, "Indeed, their voice is calming. I've heard it multiple times." You were totally malfunctioning now, "WHAT?! YOU'VE HEARD ME SING? IMPOSSIBLE, I BARELY SING AROUND THE HOUSE!" Mammon shook his head, "That's totally a lie. I've heard you sing too, you always do when you think you're alone!" The brothers agreed, you were absolutely flustered, you know you burst out singing around the house sometimes but you never thought someone had heard you sing.

You surrendered, "Fine. I'll sing you a lullaby, JUST FOR NOW, OKAY?" They smiled, and anticipated the song that was going to be sung by you and your 'amazing' voice, the sorcerer, the angels, and the Future King of Devildom and his butler, were going to finally hear you sing.

"Goodnight, goodnight. It's time now to sleep." The voice that came out from your mouth had resonated through the room, and it was heavenly. Everyone loved hearing it. And it was truly calming.

"The moon's watching over. You and your dreams." They all closed their eyes, they felt drowsy from your calming voice, they were all mesmerized and captivated by it.

"Goodnight, goodnight. My sweet little one." They were starting to get totally tired just from hearing your voice, they loved how soft it was. "Tomorrow your eyes. They'll light up the sun." You felt amazing just singing, but the strain of this tiring force that has been pulling you down was catching up. But you wanted to continue to lull the people you care for to sleep.

"But goodnight, goodnight. Sweet dreams for now."

"Drift off to sleep. On your pillow of clouds." You voice had started to make them drift off to sleep. Calming them down. You slowly carressed their head and faces. Your touch comforting them and taking them deeper into sleep.

"Goodnight, goodnight. My sweet little friend. Tomorrow's adventures. They will soon begin." You were feeling tired as well. But this... this was different. You can feel your breath in between the words of your song hitching. Every part of your body started to grow weak, it was painful wanting to move, because your body felt weak.

"Tomorrow's adventures-" Your breath continued to hitch, slowly becoming shallow. You felt the energy come out of your body. The life slowly being drained out of you. "Will soon begin." As the last words of the song came out your mouth, your eyes drifted off to the people who you loved and cared for, now sleeping peacefully. Your eyelids that were heavy came to a close. "Good night, everyone." Your shallow breaths came to a halt. You were slumped over the front of the couch, everyone was sleeping over your now lifeless body. You don't want to leave just yet. But why does this have happen?

Their future's adventures will surely soon begin for them. But for tomorrow, their grief would come first.

a/n: Ugly writing, I know, I haven't done this in a while. But I would definitely write this kind of story for other fandoms. Just wait. If ever I get the motivation to.

[chaeiimimi]

2 AM (Suna Rintaro X Reader)

Warning: angst! Toxic relationship mentions of drinking

Part 2

Arguments were always inevitable in relationships, but too much of it is pretty unhealthy

And that is what exactly is going on between you and Suna, you've been in each other's throat for a couple of weeks now and it doesn't look like it's about to end soon

You don't even know how it started- well yes you do know, it all started when the outside hitter from the female national team, Mira wanted to practice with him, which resorted to him coming home late and tired for weeks and taking out his fatigue on you, now all you know is you wake up to an empty bed, eat breakfast alone, leave for university, go home, cook dinner for yourself because you know he will not be joining you since he comes home so late and if he does come home early you argue over random things that doesn't even make sense, that usually results to you sleeping with backs facing each other

But today you decided that you were going to fix your relationship, it was a friday and you only had one class in the morning, after class you went to the grocery store to get yourself some ingredients for dinner and you even brought a cake from his favorite bakery

You took your phone out and texted Suna a quick "hey, can you come home early today, I'm cooking steak" you even put a shiny heart emoji at the end

You ate your lunch first and watched a few series before getting started on dinner

You were feeling good, you had music on, hips swaying side to side as you hum to the song playing on your speaker

By 7 PM everything was ready, the table was set in a fancy way, the steak was cooked to perfection with some stir fried vegetables and mashed potatoes, wine on the side, the cake was on the fridge and you even had candles to help with the atmosphere

Suna usually went home by 8 during Saturdays and it was already 7:30, waiting for half an hour wasn't so bad so you took off your apron, had a quick shower and changed your clothes into something nice, you even put on a little bit of perfume and make up

The clock struck to 8:00 and you still haven't heard the opening of the front door, thinking that something must've came up you decided to wait it out a little longer

9:00 no Suna was heard, but you were persistent, you waited patiently until you just dozed off in the couch

You woke up feeling an ache in your neck maybe due to the uncomfortable position you had in your couch, you looked at the time and it was already 2AM

And still, no Suna

A sting hit your eyes and before you know it you were already crying

'dammit' you repeat over and over again while agressively wiping your tears

You made your way to the kitchen and heated the food up and plated your own food

You went to the table and ate in silence, 15 minutes into eating that you heard the familiar click of the doorbell, it revealed a dishivelled Suna

He was taken aback seeing you aggressively stabbing the meat

"hey" he greets

You just looked at him and nodded, not having the energy to even speak

He seats at the chair in front of you, he finds it actually surprising to see you up so late, were you waiting for him? He saw your text 11 hours late and wasn't able to tell you the team was going out for drinks

"Can you not sit there?" you said finally having enough of his staring

He looks at you with a "huh?"

"I'm trying to enjoy my steak, I can't enjoy it when you're sitting right there, your food is at the kitchen, you can heat it up and eat after I'm done" you said with the most monotone voice and emptiest eyes

He was petrified, you were not screaming at him, questioning him or even starting an argument with him, you were merely asking him a favor yet it was far worst

He cleared his throat and got up, went to the kitchen and heated his food, he was so darn hungry carrying Bokuto and Atsumu to their apartments was no easy task

By the time he finished heating his food up, you were already done with yours, you didn't bother to look at him when you made your way to the sink and wash your dishes

Only then was he able to see that you were wearing the dress you wore on your first date

Suna's stomach churn in guilt, he knew he was in the wrong here and he wanted to apologize but how could he when you won't even spare him a glance

He ate quickly hoping that he get the chance to talk to you before going to bed

You took off your make-up and had a warm half-bath, slipping on your silk pajamas and brushing your hair

By the time you were done with your skincare, Suna was also finished with his shower, he waited for you to finish scrolling up and down his phone

You approached the bed and he was expecting you to lay down but you didn't, instead you took a pillow and opened the cabinet and got yourself a blanket

Suna's eyes widen

"where are you going?" he asks trying to mask the panic in his voice

"I'm sleeping in the guest room"

"what? why?"

You scoffed at his ridiculous question

"I just don't want to sleep beside you tonight" you weren't planning on hiding your hatred towards him

"wait-c-can we t-talk it out?"

"I'm tired Suna lets talk about it in the morning before I leave"

"Leave?"

"I'm going home to Miyagi, I want to take a break"

"But you haven't talked to me about this!"

You scoffed again at the Audacity

"I'm tired Suna, I'm sick of this, I feel so alone and neglected, I feel like you aren't there anymore, I don't want to end this but I need some time and think" for the first time tonight your voice hinted emotions

Suna sat there, his knuckles clenched it was turning white

He knew fully well why you're like this and he hated it because he knew it was because of him

There was a long defeaning silence between the two of you

Before the twisting of the knob interrupted followed by "there's cake in the fridge by the way, my birthday cake"

So I'm planning on making a part 2 of this and I'm accepting requests now, you can send me one with an ask, I write just about anything except for SMUT

[aminiatureworld]

Give and Take

Characters: Albedo, gn!reader

Word Count: 2,111

Warnings: Injury

Premise: Everything in the world comes with a price. But should you really bear that burden alone?

In which the reader’s vision harms them.

Author’s Note: It’s Valentine’s Day weekend and I’m here to give you all the fanfic-y goodness I can! I’d like to thank lovely anon for requesting this, I hope I did your prompt justice! 

Writing this reminded me of why I hate Mount Everest. Also I realize I keep connecting Albedo to Dragonspine. Truly living up to his quests. Similarly to past prompts I injected a hospital into Monstadt because, I mean, of course a huge city will have some sort of hospital. I mean I’m sure there’s also a school and a bakery and such but there’s no point in having that as an in game mechanic. 

Version without bulletpoints on Ao3

Albedo

You supposed that you shouldn’t’ve been surprised that a mysterious and indescribable power came with a price. Honestly it wasn’t the vision’s fault that you weren’t the most aware sort of person, that you needed a warning label dropped down from the heavens to accompany the raw elemental energy you’d be handed.

At first you hadn’t really noticed it. I mean sure your hands were a bit tingly, but you’d just been handed a vision! Who would’ve thought you’d have suddenly developed the ability to control Cryo, coating your weapon with it, or simply lifting snowflakes off of your hand? It was a novel experience, and a welcome one at that.

But eventually the reality crept up on you. It was the small things at first. How your hands seemed frightfully cold all of a sudden, the odd purple hue of your fingernails that was now ever present, how you found yourself wearing gloves more and more often. But then came the red spots and the blistering, and you’d come to the sickening realization that this gift you’d been given had turned into a curse.

As the time had passed you’d come to the conclusion that there was nothing to be done about it. The world was made up of give and take, and if you wanted to continue to use your vision – something which had become essential to your life and which you weren’t even sure you could get rid of – you’d simply have to deal with the consequences. You didn’t like to bring attention to it, and though members of your closest circle knew about it you tried to ignore it as much as possible, doing what you can when possible and hiding your perpetually frostbitten hands when not.

And then you’d met Albedo. And if there was one thing you were certain of it was that you were never going to tell Albedo.

Albedo had come into your life unexpectedly, having run into you while searching for ingredients to use in his alchemy. What had started with a pleasant conversation had quickly turned into infatuation, then into love, and suddenly you’d found yourself the happiest you’d been in a long time.

It didn’t feel right to tell him. You knew that Albedo already had his struggles, things that shadowed his face for a moment before he returned to his serene expression. The last thing you wanted to do was to add to those struggles. Especially not about something that simply couldn’t be fixed. You knew he’d run himself ragged looking for a cure, but it was simply the way things were. And in truth you were tired, oh so tired, and it was easier in a way accept your predicament as inevitability rather than try to fight it.

It was a cold day outside, and you silently cursed the Guild for sending you out to deal with some rogue Fatui members in Dragonspine. Already the temperature was near unbearably, adding your issues made it near fatal. Though you’d managed to deal with the Fatui it’d been a long and hard battle, filled less with strategy and more with desperation as you tried to ignore the numbness in your fingers. Your weapon felt clunky in your hand and you felt tears of frustration as you missed over and over again. By the time you’d finished the feeling had spread throughout your body, and you fell over a few times on the way home, legs stiff and unfeeling. You were dreading having to look at them.

You collapsed as soon as you stepped inside, crying out as your blistered arms hit the wooden floor. Bath, you had to get to the bath. Your legs seemed near useless, dragging behind you, feeling like dead weight. As you peeled off your slightly damp clothes the sight that met you caused your heart to shudder, and tears of fear clouded your eyes. Your skin was of a ghastly white complexion, tinged with blue at the back of your knees and near your ankles. Already you could see the heat blisters forming and you wondered whether bathing might even be worthwhile at this point, or whether it could lead to even more tissue death.

You leaned against the wall, suddenly seized with fatigue. Though you knew that you should get up, should keep moving, that sleep could be deadly, you remained as you were. You were just so tired, and so confused. Why? Why did it have to be like this? You never saw Albedo suffering like this, never saw your fellow guild members toil on, day after day, suffering from that which allowed their livelihood. Why did you suffer this way?

You realized it was incredibly useless to stew in it. After all you’d come so far, grown so much. You knew the risks and you continued to act as if there were none. Was it not expected then that you would continue to struggle? Besides it was payment. You shouldn’t expect anything to happen without something else happening, especially in cases such as these. No one would just hand you a wad of money without expectations, why should magic have a different system? Really you just needed to get up, get up and… what were you doing again?

 Right as your grasp on the situation became exceedingly tenuous the door opened.

“Sorry for arriving a bit late my dear, I hope – ”

Whatever Albedo was going to say it was replaced by the sound of something dropping, accompanied by a sharp intake of breath.

“What happened?” Albedo’s voice was sharp, filled with concern and with determination. You shook your head slightly, though even your neck felt as if was cracking with every movement.

“Nothing. I just, I…” you weren’t quite sure how to answer that, your mind felt like it was barely functioning, “…this is normal.”

“It’s certainly not normal.” Albedo dropped down besides you, slinging your arm over his shoulder – something you barely registered. “Who or what in the name of the Seven caused this?”

“Me.” You replied, still trying to focus on what was going on, to mixed up in fear and fatigue to try to spin lies. “I did this. I told you. Normal.”

“You’re being delirious.” By this point Albedo had managed to pick you up. Kicking the door all the way open he barely turned back to close it, instead running through the streets, turning towards the hospital.

“No, it’s true. It’s… my…” you began to push on the brakes but it was too far into the confession for that now “… my vision. This is my vision.” The look that Albedo gave you was pure alarm. Shaking his head he cursed under his breath.

“As soon as you’ve healed we’re talking about this.”

 You didn’t want to think how the whole scenario might’ve turned out in a world without magic. Though the healing was slow going – it took you almost a whole week of hospitalization and half of it in intensive care to finally be considered in the clear. You hadn’t been conscious the whole way, having been through various treatments and surgeries, but when you woke up in your hospital room Albedo was invariably there.

The already reticent alchemist was practically a statue. He said little to you, and what was said were little things, encouraging words, comforting little nothings. There was nothing substantial in his sentences, and you sensed that he was waiting. Whether that was for your recovery or for your confession you weren’t entirely sure.

The day that you were finally released was surprisingly warm, and your hands were slightly sweaty in their mittens. Not that it mattered. It’d been over a week since you’d last used your vision, and you were feeling as good as new. Considering what you’d just gone through that was perhaps unsurprising.

Albedo met you right as you signing the last of some paperwork. A smile was on his face, and he made no attempt to hide his affection, slinging his arm around your waist. You smiled back at him, finally happy to be done with the whole dilemma. Kissing him on the cheek – something which brought about an intense blush on his part – you let out a triumphant “I’m going home.”

“Yes my darling, you are.” Albedo replied.

The walk home turned out to be a bit of a long one. The two of you stopped for lunch, discussing this and that. After a week of practically no conversation you were bursting with random thoughts. The simple act of talking to Albedo felt divine, and you reveled in it. You also kept your hands constantly linked, although you joked that it must be a bit difficult considering your mittens. Albedo simply shook his head.

“I love when our hands are joined, no matter the context.”

Finally you two arrived home. Throwing yourself on the familiar couch you let out a sigh of relief.

“Would you like some tea?” Albedo called out.

“Yes!” You replied, before picking up a book you’d left on the coffee table. You’d missed being surrounded by familiar things.

Albedo placed the tea on the table before sitting next to you. You leaned into his shoulder picking up the tea and blowing on it slightly.

“Darling?”

“Yes?” You replied smiling at him. Albedo’s gaze was that of seemingly perfect happiness, but curiosity lurked behind that, and even more than curiosity was worried.

“I was wondering if you might not tell me more about what you said when I was carrying you to the hospital. About your vision.”

You paused for a moment. Not that you weren’t expecting this, indeed you were surprised Albedo hadn’t brought it up when you were in the hospital; though you appreciated his reticence. You’d decided during your recovery that you might as well tell him. There was no point in hiding it after what had just passed. Not that you truly believed you could.

So you told him, pausing here and there, trying to explain why you’d never told him.

“I mean it’s sort of expected, isn’t it? I was given a vision after all. Surely I must have something taken away, some burden placed on me in return?” You finished.

“Of course not.” Albedo’s tone was slightly brusque, but you sensed nothing behind it. Indeed your partner looked five seconds from passing out himself, his face having taken on a ghastly pallor. He brought his hand up to your cheek and you leaned into his palm, savoring this small moment. “I’m sorry you’ve been suffering this way.” He murmured.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this now.” You replied, voice just as soft. “I didn’t want to burden you with my plight. But I’m also sorry I hid it from you for so long.”

“That’s a bit contradictory my love.” Albedo let out a huff of a laugh. You simply shrugged, knowing that what he said was true. “I wish to help you.” He continued. “You shouldn’t have to continue to suffer like this. Your experience with your vision should be like mine; purely a blessing, without hint of a curse.” He paused, glancing away slightly, expression suddenly thoughtful.

“It’s true, what you say. Most of this world is governed by the laws of exchange. We put in coal and get out diamonds, at the price of intense heat and pressure and work. Energy only converts but it never simply converts to what you want. That is one of the first things one must understand when it comes to alchemy.”

Albedo glanced back at you. Saying nothing he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, then your cheeks, before finally pressing his lips to yours, giving you a brief, almost reverent kiss. “But that’s the wonder about magic you see.” He continued. “Magic lives outside these laws, scoffs at all the silly things the natural world must abide by. Magic is utterly self-contained, and with it comes the ability to do miraculous things, all without worrying about what one must give up. So you see, my love, there is no reason you should suffer.”

 The rest of the nice was spent peacefully, filled with soft laughter and tender kisses. When you fell asleep – cuddled up against the man you loved the most, limbs entangled here and there – you felt nothing but peace, peace and a great deal of relief. You’d trust in this world that Albedo envisioned, one without continual struggle, without endless suffering. For you knew he adored you as you adored him, and, that being true, even if there wasn’t a way for you to live a calmer, happier life, he’d make it happen.

[lovecinnatwist]

How do you feel about omega Jason Todd/ alpha Dick Grayson? Maybe Dick didn’t know Jason was an omega until Jason got hit with some of Ivy’s pollen...

GasP Anon what a great idea! I adore JayDick-  Alpha!Dick and Omega!Jason is a bop even if I don’t write it often.

I hope you don’t chaotic mess which is pining!Dick!

Sexuality Crisis Adverted

Tags: Omegaverse, Heat/Mating Cycles, omega!Jason, alpha!Dick 

The moment the dust settles around them Jason knows that he’s fucked. The groan that creaks from his chest is heavy and tight. A side effect- he’s sure- from all the Goddamn pollen. Why couldn’t Poison Ivy chill with it already? It hasn’t worked before and it isn’t going to work now. There’s a series of loud beeps in his ear, signalling the filtration system in his helmet shutting down. Not that it matters when the equipment hasn’t done its job in the first place. He undoes the latches with quick fingers all while Ivy heads out through the giant hole she’s made in the ceiling. 

Not like he’ll let that stop him. The cool air prickles against his face in a refreshing way. It feels wonderful against his quickly warming skin. He tosses his helmet to the side to deal with later. For now he’s got to get that bitch back in jail before she spreads more of the new strain about Gotham. 

He hunts her for what feels like hours. By the time he tracks her back to Robinson Park he’s low on ammo and his heat has finally begun to set in. The familiar cramps and aches make his joints squeak. It’s something he feels more than hears over the sound of whatever Ivy’s latest plan is. He shoots right through another blossom and more dust goes flying. Not that it matters. Even if his heat turns critical he knows exactly how much time he has and it’s more than enough to get her in Arkham. 

A flash of blue and black blurs in the background. His eyes can barely follow the movements between staying focused on Ivy. He dodges two of her attacks and fires. He nearly grazes her but a wall of vines take the hit. He curses and charges forward.

Sharp. It’s one of the benefits of heat. The starling clarity when your instincts are at a fine point does wonders for things like this. Well until the actual fever crashes down and you’re too sluggish and horny to do anything but sleep or get fucked. Jason doesn’t mind either, though with Roy and Kori off-world he’s sure he’s going to be doing more of the former this time around. 

Nightwing makes himself useful and the next time Jason shoots he hits his target. It’s only rubber bullets but her hiss of pain is satisfying. 

The two of them work seamlessly. Which is a feat in itself with the ugly filtration system Dick has on. He looks ridiculous and Jason makes sure to tell him that as soon as he gets a chance. The sound of alpha’s laughter follows him through the air as he performs an effortless flip out of the way. Jason can’t help the quirk of his lips and soon they are putting Ivy away together. 

Not bad for an impromptu team up.

Nightwing hands her off to the police while Jason lays on top of a nearby roof. He’s catching his breath as the fire within him cools a bit. The exercise made him tired but it's a good kind of ache. One that distracts him from the way his lower abdomen curls and unfurls repeatedly. Once he’s no longer struggling to catch his breath he starts thinking it’s time to head back home. 

Soft footfalls land behind him. He scoffs. 

“ What none of the pretty officers down there ask for an autograph? “

He’s teasing mostly but nothing but silence greets him. He pauses and cranes his neck awkwardly to catch the other man’s expression. The wonderment and awe there are foreign.

Dick opens his mouth to speak before closing it. He isn’t wearing that ugly mask anymore so now Jason can easily read his expression. It’s odd considering what a steel trap he usually is. Despite his body's protest he sits up and faces the alpha. 

“ You good? “

He can read the anxiousness in his body language. It’s helpful considering the fact that Dick is absolutely drenched in scent blockers. Jason usually is too but without hood and the impending heat- well he wouldn’t be surprised to be told he stinks. The idea of showering and curling up in his bed with a good book almost makes him purr. Dick says nothing again. He just stands there looking stupid and Jason- well Jason doesn’t really have time for it. 

His bones scream as he stands. The ache is setting in fast but he’ll be good to get home. He’s definitely traveled home in worse states and thanks to Dick he didn’t take too many hits. He stretches and twists, the soft pop in his lower back is gratifying. There’s a slight uneasiness in the air. The longer the silence goes on the more tension starts to form between them. Jason can’t be bothered with it so as casually as he can manage he starts shifting towards the edge of the roof. 

“ So- this has been fun but I gotta go. Need to shower this shit off before the fever sets in. Thanks for the assist. I’ll send my report so tell the old man he doesn’t need to bother- “

“ You’re an omega! “

Jason blinks. It’s probably the worst cut off he’s ever gotten. The lack of tact is new for Goldie and Jason for the life of him can’t shake off his discomfort. If it were another time he would laugh. The stupid way Dick is gawking his hilarious. The alpha smacks a hand over his mouth like he’s trying to keep from saying anything more.

Jason’s eyebrows fly up.

“ Uhhh yea? “

They don’t really talk about secondary genders. Not often or ever really. Sure technically Jason should have a bunch of pack jobs to do but since Bruce hasn’t formally asked him back he doesn’t bother. Cass is pretty good at nest building and caring for the others so there’s never been any need. 

If anything it’s been more of a relief. He’s always been pretty weird about his dynamic. Not because he thought it made him weaker or something. It’s more because the second anyone found out that all 6”2 and 215lbs of him is omega? Well they got this intense kind of look on their face. Kind of like they weren’t looking at a person anymore, more like a piece of meat.

Kinda like- Kinda like- how Dick is staring at... him... now.

The puzzle pieces click together all too slow. 

Dick removes  his hands like he can’t quite help it. His eyes wide in amazement and- huh is it the light or are his pupils dilated? The alpha starts to speak and the words start coming out in a rush.

“ I had no idea that you were an omega- I mean it makes sense- because you’re gorgeous and at first- at first I thought I was gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that- but like i’ve never been gay- like i’m into omegas always have been but then there was you and you just made me think all these things and feel all this new stuff and gosh I was so confused. Now everything makes sense though because now I’m not gay and you’re an omega and you smell good and fuck do you always smell like this? You smell amazing little wing. I hope our pups smell like you. It’s kinda sweet but spicy, like in a good way. Kinda like warm sheets out of the laundry and chai tea- I just wanna roll around in it and get it all over me- I know that’s kind of weird but like I’m a weird kind of alpha sometimes i’m sure it won’t really bother you too much through like I swear I’ll be a good mate and take good care of you and- God is it weird i’m taking so much when I should probably be taking you to nest? I should totally be taking you to nest. God I can’t believe i’m talking so much when you probably just wanna rest. Or well fuck? We could do that too I don’t mind you probably look so gorgeous all fucked and pupped up- I hope it sticks. I know I’m kind old to not have any pups yet but like I feel like I must have been waiting for you and now- “

Jason’s eyes have been growing widder by the minute. Dick’s mouth is still going and his heart is racing with every word. He’s practically babbling to himself. While Jason- Well Jason  is feeling a little frightened. He isn’t even sure how to stop the alpha either but then Dick is walking towards him taking about mating, sex and pups and well- well Jason has to put a stop to it there. 

He takes out his gun and shoots right past the alpha’s face. Dick had been so lost in his words he didn’t even notice Jason take the weapon out. Jesus just where is the alpha’s head at? Actually he knew where the alpha’s head’s at. It’s why he’s currently got his M1911 pistol between them.

Dick shuts up and Jason welcomes the silence with a silent prayer. Moments pass and when he sees the alpha doesn’t move, he lowers the gun a fraction.

He takes a deep breath. 

“ 1. What ever you’re talking about right now?  Isn’t happening. You’re saying a whole bunch I don’t get- but let me be clear. You are not getting anywhere near me, my nest or my vagina. “

Dick flushes at the word. He opens his mouth and there’s a quick ‘ but Jay’ on his lips. It’s kinda admirable but Jason doesn’t have the time. Heat fatigue is on him and the last thing he wants is Dick Graysosn trying to take care of him or- or doing whatever the hell he’s talking about. 

He fires another bullet this time close enough to graze the kevlar. 

“ 2. I don’t know how you apparently missed that i’m an omega but just because I am doesn’t mean we’re suddenly going to ride off into the sunset with me birthing barefoot however many pups you want. That isn’t happening this- “

He waves the gun back and forth between them. 

“ This isn’t happening. “

Dick looks determined and his mouth is in a tight little line. He opens his mouth to speak and Jason raises the gun again. The furrow of those perfect eyebrows is kind of adorable but mostly annoying. 

“ 3. If you even try to come within the radius of my den while i’m in heat i’m going to shoot you, Not in your leg, not in your arm, but right between your pretty pretty eyes. You got that? “

Jason prefers people to pale when he’s threatening them but instead the alpha lights up. 

“ You think my eyes are pretty? “

Jason groans. Alpha’s were such a pain. He never really took Dick to be like a typical one either. He kind of wants to put more thought to it but he can’t when his skin is starting to crawl and itch in a way that’s numbing. 

“ I think you’re pretty irritating, that's what I think. “

The alpha frowns and Jason takes a step back. 

“ Remember the rules Goldie or you might get yourself in trouble. “

He gets a solemn nod. Dick looks troubled as much as he looks confused. The alpha is standing there nodding to himself as if he’s gluing together an invisible puzzle. 

“ Yea- Yea that makes sense. “

Tension eases from Jason’s shoulders but then Dick starts talking again.

“ God I haven’t even courted you and here I am talking about pups and sex like a total knot head. I haven’t given you any gifts or even won any challenges- God talk about stupid. I’ll totally make it up to you Jason you’ll see I’m a good alpha I swear I just need a chance and then I’ll for sure convince you- “

Jason Todd is sure Dick’s lips are moving a mile per minute. There’s also a frantic quality to his movements that look- off but he’s in no shape to be the judge of anyone's state of mind. Maybe he had gotten dosed by something earlier in the night? 

Oh well- that’s a problem for the bats. Jason isn’t having any part of it. 

He hops off of the roof leaving Goldie talking to himself.

Getting back to his nest turns out to be easy which he’s grateful for because the moment he inches through the window is the moment he realizes how tired he is. He practically crawls into the shower. The only reason why he doesn’t skip it all together is because the idea of bringing dirt, grime and pollen into his nest sets his instincts on fire. He bathes thoroughly despite how sluggish and tired his movements are. After all, it's probably the only bath he’s going to be having over the next few days. Besides answering the delivery guy and bathroom breaks he doesn’t plan to do much else. 

Clean and cool he slinks his way to his bedroom, his hair still damp from the shower. He doesn’t have much of a nest going on but the half constructed walls from the other day are at least a base. He pads over to the closet and drags out the rest of his material. His body thrumming with fatigue and need. He knows from experience however that if he tries to sleep in a half done nest he’s just going to be fitful all night and have to do it anyway. 

Better to get it over now. 

He crafts everything together with slow, drowsy movements. One of the edges is a little lopsided but he can’t bring himself to care. He’s got a few things from Kori and a few things from Roy and as usual it all goes seamlessly with the rest of bedding that he kept around the house. He’s got a small pack but it’s his. The soft smell of milk and pup from Lian’s little yellow shirt makes him smile. It’s mute and a little dull but it does the trick. Especially when he keeps everything in the air tight containers Roy made him. 

Nest finished and body clean he crawls into the mess of blankets. It’s soft and soothing against his feverish skin. The contact calms some of the aching that’s been echoing in his bones. He sighs and melts, curling into his pillows as his eyes fall shut. It’s cozy and his and for now that’s enough. He passes out before he can have another thought. 

In the artificial heat, Jason sleeps like the dead. A good nest has always done wonders at keeping him pliant. Something he plans to reap all the benefits of as he takes some time off the streets. He rolls over and stretches, soft fabric wrapping around his ankles. He purrs and nuzzles deeper, a content thrum of safe, warm and happy running through his system. Heat sleep is always some of the most restful.

He basks in the warmth coming from the window, ready to roll over and go back to dreamland. At least he would be if some ass hole didn’t decide to start doing home renovations. 

The pounding sound is annoying. Almost like someone has decided to build an entire Goddamn shelf at whatever time of the afternoon it is. He hisses and buries his head under his pillow. It helps a little until he realizes that what he’s hearing is knocking and it’s coming from his front doors. He groans.

Maybe if he doesn’t answer the person will give up?

They do not give up. 

Jason drags himself out of his nest fully ready to shoot the person on the other side of the door. No one knows about his apartment. He’s always made sure not to give the bats the slightest idea where it is. After all they were too noisy and the idea of any of them being able to show up whenever they wanted gave him anxiety.

He wipes his face and it does nothing to wake him up. When he shouts out a gruff I'm coming the knocking stops. He groans his legs like led as he drags himself to the door. It only takes one peek through the spy hole to see who it is. 

His head falls back and he curses the day the universe decided to tredge his sorry ass back to life. 

“ A bullet between the eyes Goldie. “

He means it to sound more rough and threatening. For the most part though he just sounds tired. He’s gotten enough sleep of course but the demanding furnace of heat is only just starting to burn through his energy reserves. Something about the bodies need to redirect all energy toward reproduction or some shit. Jason always assumed its alpha propaganda but you know what? He welcomes the break because sometimes the only care he gets is from himself. 

“ I brought breakfast? “

Jason winces at the awkward tone of voice. He doesn’t move to open the door and Dick stays quiet for a tense moment.

“ I wanted to apologize for last night and figured maybe we could talk? I got your favourite. Baleadas from that place you like. Add Avocado and Bacon. “

The omega curses. At the mention of food his mouth immediately starts to salivate. With how quickly his heat came on he hadn’t really gotten a chance to prepare. Usually he likes to prep some meals and in the interim order take out. He has to admit that Dick knows him pretty well if the alpha is showing up with food. 

On one hand letting a viable alpha into his home is probably a bad idea. On the other hand he could most definitely take Dick if it came down to it. Decision made he reluctantly starts to disarm the security system. 

“ You try some shit- “

Dick’s worn face appears, take out held up like a peace offering. 

“ And between the eyes I know. “

Jason fixes him with a look and when the alpha doesn’t move he steps to the side to let him in. They head to his little kitchen after Jason shuts the door. The apartment is small enough that they didn’t even go far. He glares at the alphas shoes and Dick is quick to take them off. While he does Jason helps himself to the bags. 

When Dick had said breakfast he had been modest. There are at least three bags. Some with fresh fruits, some with expensive bougie chocolates you can only get up town, Baliedas of course, fresh made guava juice, heat pads, electrolyte drinks and a variety of cramp medicine. He rolls his eyes and digs through a little box that Dick pushes onto the table as he fidgets next to an open chair. 

Jason raises an eyebrow before grabbing the box and flipping it open. A happy trill leaves his lips before he can stop it. He pulls out a semita the smell of sweetness and cinnamon filling the kitchen. Roughly pulling out a chair he takes a seat, his mouth watering before he even takes a bite. When he does he moans happy and light as flaky pastry melts on his tongue. 

God had to be from Aliana’s. Shit was perfect. 

He scarves down one quickly, licking his fingers before reaching into the other bag to pull out a warm balieda in aluminum foil. The food is so good he completely forgets Dick is even there. For the most part his mute alpha scent is blocked away which makes it easy to ignore him. Well except for the soft smiles and what the man must think are sneaky looks thrown his way. 

He gets half way through his second semeta when he finally looks at the alpha who is sitting in the furthest possible chair. 

“ So- we gonna talk about last night? “

Dick has the decency to flush. His color darkens in an interesting way. Jason doesn’t ever think he’s ever seen him like that before. He chews slowly and the alpha groans covering his face in his hands. 

“ Was testing a serum with Alfred before we got the call about Ivy. It’s a new formula and didn’t seem to be working, didn’t kick in until we were half way done. “

Jason makes an understanding noise. It’s a good thing they got things done quickly but still Dick probably shouldn’t have been out compromised like that. He takes a straw and pops it into one of the juices. At the first sip his entire body flutters with alertness. There’s just something about sugar during his heat that could raise him from the dead. 

“ What the hell were you doing out with that stuff in your system? What if you got caught or something. “

The way Dick looks down and his blush travels to his ears is very telling. Suddenly the words from last night return to him. 

‘ at first I thought I was gay ‘

He blinks. Oh my God. Dick actually had a thing for him. Even when he for some unexplainable reason thought he had been an alpha. A part of him is actually flattered that the bone head would jump into the fray to give Jason back up. Not that he needed it but still the gesture had been nice. 

Now here he is, at Jason’s apartment, bringing him breakfast and things to help him with his heat. The scent of insecurity leaks through what must be industrial scent blockers because Jason can barely get a whiff of anything else. He hums low in his throat and blue eyes flicker up to his. Jason tries to read what he see’s there but Dick’s gaze drop down again. 

“ Thought you could use the help. “

‘ More like you wanted an excuse to see me ‘ Jason thinks.

He leaves the alpha to stew instead tucking away the new information he has. Now that he’s full and rested he can actually think a bit clearly. Dick isn’t a bad looking alpha. His skin is a gorgeous gold color that blurs the line between ethnicities. The contrast of his vivid blue eyes almost makes him look like they are glowing. His teeth are straight and he’s got a great smile with plump lips that will probably be nice to kiss-

Jason’s also seen enough of Dick coming in and out of the showers to know how crazy the alpha’s body is. All hard lines with battle scars and marks that make his inner omega sing. Something dark and dangerous wants to push and see how his marks would look amongst the collection. He sips his juice in silence, mulling over the possibility. 

Warmth pools in his stomach, waking up the first tendrils of arousal for his heat. Dick’s eyes look up and he swears he can see the alpha’s nostrils flare. He smirks and then laughs when Dick looks mortified to have been caught blatantly scenting him. 

“ Well this has been nice. Thanks for breakfast Dickie but you should probably get going before my fever flares up. “

When the man stands Jason’s eyes trail down his figure. The alpha jumps under his attention, skittish and shy. 

Not bad, not bad at all. The hunter in him purrs. 

“ Yea- sure totally glad I could help. I’ll just be going. “

The stuttering of his words is cute. Unlike the night before when Dick had basically been vomiting words, now he’s shut like a clam. The difference is endearing. Jason stands and Dick stumbles back. 

“ I uh… hope your heat goes well. If you need help, just call and i’ll do my best to get here. “

Jason fixes him with a look and the expression of sheer horror that crosses the alpha’s face is worth the drama. 

“ Not like that- just like food or whatever? Like if you have cravings or something. “

Dick stumbles over his words but the recovery is smooth. Jason watches Dick putting on his shoes. He heads back over to the plastic bag on the table.

“ Uh huh. “ 

He makes a show of stealing one of the wrapped candies and twisting it out of the foil. Dick’s eyes stare and his fingers. The blue follows, follows, follows until he brings it to his lips. Jason grins as he sinks his teeth in. 

The helpless way the alpha swallows him gives him a thrill.

“ Don’t let the door hit you on the ass on the way out. “

Because now that he’s looking- what an it is.

Dick gives him a terse nod before turning and twisting the knob. He tilts his head as the alpha leaves. When the door click shuts he gives a sound of appraisal.

Yea, Jason wouldn’t mind hittin that. 

After the impromptu visit he starts scheming. 

First, he finds out the ingredients of the serum. It turns out to be a pesky little thing that blurs the line between a person and their instincts. An attempt to make their truth serum recipe stronger. Some shady shit Bruce probably shouldn’t even be dabbling in. But then again it seems like it's okay for the line to blur as long as no one dies. 

He scoffs, tossing his tablet down. 

Focus- no wasting his heat thinking about Bruce. Not when Dick is clearly a better subject matter. He purrs low as warmth pools in his belly.  Reading the report made one thing clear. As frantic as the alpha had been, he had also been genuine. 

Luckily Jason doesn’t even have to do much to get the man to visit again.

His heat fucking drags.

Sure he’s usually quite long but this- this is just too much. Enough that Dick goes out of his way to drop food outside and leave it for him to find. The first time it’s a surprise but by the third- well Jason is opening the door before the alpha can run away.

He looks decadent in his Richard Wayne civies, smelling like expensive cologne and wearing something soft. The dark blue of the scarf brings out the lightness in Dick’s eyes. While the dark grey sweater hugs the man’s muscles in all the right ways. It’s nice to see all of his face too. The way the alpha’s features stand out in the plain hallway is almost overwhelming. Or at least it would be if Jason hasn’t been spending the last 5 days obsessing over him.

He decides to press his luck. Technically he could get away with at least this much, he is in heat after all. He smiles as he accepts the bags, making sure to brush against Dick enough to scent him. The quick little intake the alpha does is precious. It’s subtle of course but with how Jason’s heat stink is practically visible in the air Dick looks like he’s been smite. 

For seven entire minutes the man is stun stationary at the front entrance. It’s almost comical how long it takes him to recover. Jason’s already eaten an entire carton of nasi goreng and an egg roll.

Dick excuses himself under the guise of being late, his cheeks pink. The alpha nearly goes head first into the door frame in his embarrassment. Jason has to bite back his laugh. He busies himself with licking sweet and sour sauce off of his lips as the man retreats. The thought of ‘how cute’ doesn’t leave even when the food is done. 

It shouldn’t be this easy to fall for him. The clumsy way Dick goes about things is so different than anything he’s ever had before. Bless his sweet shy heart but the alpha is anything but assertive. 

In fact it reminds Jason of a romcom. When the male lead is obviously in love with the protagonist and everyone can see it except for him. It sort of feels like that. Though the more Dick tries to cover his tracks the more Jason finds neon signs of tender affection and desire. 

It’s courtship. 

He doesn’t know if Dick realizes it yet, but Jason’s sure as hell accepting it. The thickly drawn line he put down in the beginning is starting to edge away. Every little gift, every text message, every fleeting glance is chipping away at it until it disappears.

When leaves his curtains open a sliver at night, he can catch the alpha guarding his apartment. 

Now logically it could be seen as platonic. After all, Pack mates were meant to watch each other’s backs- especially during heat and rut. Jason hasn’t been there for any of his pack members' cycles, and in turn he never takes it personal when they haven’t been there for him. 

Now that he has it though he never wants it to stop. 

The next day when Dick stops by, Jason spills something on the alpha’s shirt. It’s an excuse. Something that a league alpha would see through. Dick however is absolutely oblivious and Jason takes great pride in making Dick leave in one of his. Stinking like possessive dangerous omega and in exchange he adds the alpha’s shirt to his nest. He also adjusts it to make it big enough for two.

It smells amazing and he sleeps with his face in it. 

Jason enjoys every moment of his heat. He soaks up the attention the alpha lavishes on him earnestly. On day 10 he actually finds himself saying a little thank you to Ivy. His heat isn’t nearly as strong as a usual one but the symptoms are still obvious enough that he has to stay shut in. It gives him more time to iron out his plan of action. Well it’s less of a plan and more like throwing himself at the alpha and taking and having until he’s full.

He purrs thick and heavily. The rumble is so dark it’s almost like a growl but Dick looks completely unbothered by it. He doesn’t mind most things Jason has been learning. The alpha doesn’t shame him for being taller and wider than him. He doesn’t make Jason feel like less than himself, or less than others in his caste. He’s just nice, oblivious but nice and Jason- well Jason has never had that before.

He licks cannoli filling off of his fingers while sneaking a peek at Dick. 

Jason has to hand it to him. He’s doing a pretty good job and pretending to pay attention to the movie. There’s no way he is though. Not with how Jason’s apartment smells like safe, happy, wanting omega. Not with the way Jason is making sure Dick knows just how comfortable he is with him in the room. 

Dick’s scent is mute because of the blockers but that doesn’t mean much against enhanced senses. He can still smell the brief wisp of indulgent pride at providing for him.

The delicious italian food is spread out of the low coffee table like a feast.

One thing Jason could say for certain, the alpha knew how to eat. The baliada’s had only been the beginning. Dick’s brought him some of the best goddamn food he’s had in a while. There’s been slow cooked ribs with all the fixings. A 4 cheese pizza with truffle oil, spinach and grilled chicken with fresh gelato for dessert. Then of course the handmade pasta they’re having now. 

Absolutely perfect and only a fraction of how the alpha has been spoiling him. 

He even made it a point of giving Dick a few challenges of his own. Simple things that he slowly increased the difficulty on. The first day he had asked for something elementary. A blue blanket. Nothing too hard because he just wanted to see if the alpha would. Then- 2 hours later he had the biggest, softed blue blanket that he’s ever seen. Adding it to his nest had been soothing to his instincts. 

Next he asked Dick to take over a case of his. Nothing with a time limit of course but the alpha took it anyway. He used all the information Jason gave up and two days later the bastards dealing to the middle school up north were in black gate where they belonged. That alone had been good- but Jason… Well Jason wanted the best. 

That’s what led him to this little idea. He’s got the most recently released rom com on screen, Dick’s soft blanket over them while he lounges on the couch with nothing but a thin white t-shirt and a pair of sweats that fit him in all the right way. Before Dick had come over he made sure that the place had been absolutely coated in his scent. Which had been kind of easy with how much his heat tends to stink up places. 

He leans against the alpha and feels him stiffen up against him. It’s minute but the man quickly relaxes when Jason purrs soft and sweet. A gentle sound made to relax alpha’s whether they wanted to or not. He shifts and feels Dick’s eyes drop to his chest. He feels hot knowing that the alpha can clearly see his nipples through his top. 

The movie drags on and Jason enjoys torturing the alpha. 

It’s dainty touches at first, just to test the man’s reactions. Simple and frequent enough that he’s sure the alpha knows he’s doing it on purpose. 

So what if he wants to cop a feel off of the alpha who’s courting him? It’s his right. 

He curls into Dick’s side, surprised how his body fits in the curve of the alpha’s arms. His breast presses against a bicep. A purr starts to build in his throat.

“ Movie’s good. “ He lies. 

The alpha grunts the affirmative. It’s obvious that he isn’t able to pay attention. To be truthful Jason would be insulted if he could. After all he’s purposely pumping out a perfume of sweet, wanting, waiting omega that must have Dick dizzy. 

Still the man doesn’t push and Jason’s heart pounds in his chest. 

They reach the end of the movie and Dick seems too quick to get off the couch. Jason stretches and lays down his entire body relaxed and warm. The last bits of heat are whispering out of him which he’s glad for. It means he has more energy and more than that- that he can’t be accused of being compromised. 

He hums as Dick straightens up the leftovers on the coffee table. He’s so diligently good that Jason just needs to reward him. He bites his bottom lip peering up at the alpha through his lashes. Slow and purposely he runs a clothed sock up the inseam of Dick’s black slacks. The way the alpha tenses and stumbles is equal part adorable as arousing. 

Blown blue eyes look at him and Jason’s purr grows. 

“ C’mere. “

Jason is pretty sure he didn’t let any sort of command slip into his voice. It had been nothing but a soft honest call but the way Dick just- lets everything fall to get back to him did things to his ego. Dick stares at him helplessly. Eyes struggling to stay on his face, but darting down to his lips, chest, thighs then back up in rapid succession. Jason sinks into the couch, the soft rumble in his chest merging with the credits on screen. 

“ ‘m feeling a little restless. Would you scent me before you go? “

Jason tilts his neck up, demour and willing. When he cuts his eyes at the alpha he’s sure there’s mirth in his gaze. He can’t help it however. Not when Dick looks like he’s about to short circuit. Almost like the only gravity in the room is Jason and if the alpha takes his gaze away from him for a moment he’ll be floating towards the sun. 

Huh, his heat must be cooling off if he could think up that metaphor. 

The alpha swallows not moving. Jason watches his hestitance gleefully. He knows what he looks like. The hard lines of his body posing in an open and friendly gesture. A wanting gesture that would have a weaker alpha already on their knees. 

Jason smirks, He can practically hear Dick’s heartbeat pounding in his chest. 

“ Sure Little Wing, yea I can do that. “

He can but he still hasn't moved. Jason would snort but he doesn’t want to give away the game too quickly. He wants Dick to move on his own. To see how the alpha will genuinely act if Jason leaves himself open and vulnerable. 

Instead of his neck, Dick lifts his wrist and uses it to drag up and down the smooth expanse of Jason’s throat. Jason’s purr crescendos to the point where it almost hurts. His vocal cords vibrate as his chosen alpha rubs his scent all over him. It’s mute because of the patches- but still undeniably Dick. 

Jason’s eyelashes droop. His entire body is warm content and happy. Dick stares and him and the omega stares back. 

“ I should probably go…. The movie was good, thanks for suggesting it. “

Jason didn’t watch a goddamn thing and he’s pretty sure Dick didn’t either. 

“ Anytime Goldie. “

He means it. The two of them bask in silence, the title screen flicking back up as the credits roll to a close. No one says anything so Jason is content to leave things where they are. He has all the answers he needs. 

“ See you around. “ 

Sooner rather than later? He wants to quip. He holds his tongue however. Patience. Tip your intentions too early and your prey will get away. League lessons ring true even now. He feigned nonchalance while nodding at the alpha.

“ Sounds good. Bring Sushi next time “

There’s nothing left for Dick to prove. Jason has already made his decision.

The alpha smiles soft and sweet. His entire face lightening up at the promise of another meeting.

“ Sure Little Wing. “

Jason grins. 

How clueless and naive. The poor thing had no clue that next time actually meant eternity. 

[spacecatchako]

i don't want to be alone anymore (sfw)

you and daichi have been best friends since your first year of high school. now that you're in love (and adults) where will you go from here?

pairing: sawamura daichi x reader

wc: 3,373 words

contains: seemingly unrequited love, confessions, covers the nationals arc, friends to lovers, angst, hurt/comfort towards the end, fluff, reader literally has a breakdown and daichi comforts them, reassurance, cuddles, petnames (baby, princess, doll)

a/n: no, i didn't have any idea how to tag this. this fic is a little all over the place and there are several timeskips. the reader is implied to have issues w family and friends so keep that in mind lol. also i marked diff sections of the fic with ✨ this emoji so if u want to skip over certain parts and go straight to the hurt/comfort feel free babey

you were used to being lonely. sure, you worked hard and you had dreams, but there was some part you that remained unfulfilled. it was like a void that gradually dragged you down. you'd managed to supress it for most of your life up until high school, until all of a sudden something changed.

you met sawamura daichi. he was cute, a first year player on the volleyball team. daichi was kind to you. the two of you became fast friends after meeting on the first day at karasuno. during your breaks in between classes the pair of you would talk about anything and everything- volleyball strategies, your latest sketches, even other classmates that were giving you a hard time. you could be silly with daichi. there was no pressure with him, no need to pretend to be perfect.

but there was something scary about this too. by your second year of school you'd been friends with daichi for about a year. it was then that the realization hit- you had never felt this safe, this accepted, or... this loved by another person. when you'd get anxious because of classes or have issues with your family daichi became a shoulder for you to lean on. he'd go out of his way to send you check up texts and leave you little handwritten notes. the first one that you received was a little post-it note that said "you'll do great on your test today! i believe in you- daichi." he'd blushed like crazy when you confronted him about it. it was new to see your usually sturdy and level-headed best friend blush over a silly note that he'd left. there was something different between the two of you after that first note. instead of walking you home like usual he started to keep a hand on the small of your back.

you hadn't been looking. you'd been talking about how awkward your family was when a stray cat slunked into front of the two of you. you almost walked straight into it before the cat bounded away, crossing the empty street and looking back once to meow at daichi and you.

"sorry, is that too much? i just... want to make sure that you don't trip."

you were confused until you realized what had happened. daichi had steadied you by putting his hand on the small of your back. it felt good, for some reason, to trust him to steady you. trust wasn't an easy thing to come by.

you smiled a tad awkwardly before steadying yourself on your own two feet. "not at all daichi. i don't mind."

daichi smiled and the pair of you kept walking. his hand had stayed where it had been. you felt... guilty for being so touch-starved. and for your best friend, of all people?

"how ridiculous" you thought to yourself. when you came home you knew that no one was there. time to start dinner before your family came home. you'd probably retreat to your room and text daichi when that happened.

daichi was so good and so nice, and by your third year of high school the tiny, lingering bit of attraction that you had had for him flourished into a full-blown crush. you felt embarrassed and guilty. never had you let someone get this close to you. never had you ever let anyone write you notes, check in on you, give you genuine-sounding compliments. it was the little things like "are you okay y/n? you seemed a little quiet this morning. are you getting enough sleep?"

graduation came and went. the notion of parting with daichi and your other friends- asahi, suga, and kiyoko- left a pang of grief in your stomach. you were attending a local university and daichi planned to join miyagi's fire department after nationals. you'd still be close to him and he'd still be living at home, but it was weird to think that you'd be seeing one another a lot less.

nationals was when everything boiled over. you'd promised daichi that you'd be in the stands at every game of the competition, cheering him on.

"id love it if you were there, don't get me wrong. but don't feel like you have to jump through hoops for me! it's a bit of a long trip, i don't want you tiring yourself out." he confesses sheepishly. but you really wanted to go- his mom and siblings couldn't because of school and work, but they'd given him their best wishes.

"I'll hitch a ride with saeko and the crew. she and i work at the same restaurant on the weekends. we already talked and she said she'd be more than happy." you chirp. daichi seems a bit less worried about you after this, but then he remembers.

"um. y/n. you know that saeko drives... well, not badly, just... scarily?" he only seems to be partially joking.

you laugh at his worried expression. "I'll be okay pal. we'll make one of saeko's taiko buddies take the wheel."

daichi mock sighs in relief and you laugh together. this was the last moment that daichi had before nationals where he wasn't laden with anticipation over whether karasuno would succeed or not. he felt relaxed, with you. he thought you were cute, and awkward sometimes, and smart, and... good. so good. you didn't always look to him like he was an authority figure and you were small. he didn't feel the pressure to make sure you behaved or kept you in line because you were good at putting up a front and keeping yourself "in order." sometimes daichi wished that you would let him take care of you, let him listen more often. he wished that you would let him love you.

oh.

oh shit.

"daichi? um, daichi?"

daichi blushed and was snapped back to reality. he... loved you? that's what that care for you was all of these years. that's why he wanted to know if you were taking care of yourself, if you weren't burning yourself out with pleasing your family and school and work. sure, he thought you were cute. he picked up on all of your idiosyncrasies, even sometime pointing them out to you. he had had an inkling that *maybe* he had a little crush on you... but the care that he had come to find that he had for you was so great. he had to do something- everyone was leaving for school and the championships would be over and then when would he see you again? there was this great, big fear of losing you due to confessing. but that fear was minuscule compared to you, his studious and independent friend, pushing him away and forgetting.

"sorry. i was just lost in thought."

✨

yes, you, saeko, and the taiko group arrived a *tad* late and missed the tokonami match. yes you felt guilty for missing it. but when karasuno won against inarizaki and you saw daichi and the team celebrate the win, it was all worth it. you cheered as loud as you can, and once the players cleared from the court, you scrambled to greet daichi.

you see him in the lobby and almost leap into his arms. he laughs. "aaa, hey y/n." he croaks.

you giggle. "hey daichi. congratulations. you were amazing out there."

he's smiling through the sweat and fatigue. you notice, out of the corner of your eye, asahi and suga slowly backing away to leave the two of you alone. suga clicks his tongue, making daichi whip his head around, and he gives the captain a thumbs up." daichi sighs and sets you down, and the two of you are left in the stadium lobby. volleyball players and spectators mingle around, getting food and shopping for merchandise. daichi runs a hand through his hair and turns to you.

"do you want to go outside? there's something that i have to tell you."

anxiety shoots through you. if it's daichi, it can't be bad. of course not. that's one of your best friends. right?

the two of you make your way to the front doors of the stadium and get some fresh air. the sky is blue and the wind is refreshing against your skin. daichi, still sweaty and tired from his game, seems to enjoy it too.

you giggle as he stretches. daichi sits on a nearby bench and gestures for you to do so too. you notice a little shake in his hands as he does so. he's fiddling with the zipper of his karasuno jacket in that cute way that you know he does.

there's a sense of unease, and it's up to you to break the silence. you're alone with sawamura daichi, your best friend and longtime crush.

"daichi? what's wrong?" you ask, concerned.

daichi looks to you, a flush on his cheeks and a light in his eyes. he looks so cute, even when he's tongue-tied and tired from a game.

he takes a deep breath, and the words come out.

"i like you a lot, y/n"

you blink, confused. then it hits you. your crush, sawamura daichi, likes you. like, the boy that you think about way too much, the boy that you feel safe with, the absolute gentleman who cares about you and respects you instead of walking all over you, likes you.

you realize that you haven't said anything before you stutter.

"i-i like you too, daichi. so much."

he's blushing. your face is growing hot despite the winter air. the two of you, literal adults, are reduced to awkward messes because of this confession.

"o-oh. that's... good. i think that that's good." daichi awkwardly says. he laughs a little, then it turns into a full-blown bellow. you can't help but laugh too at how ludicrous the situation is. two friends who have known each other for years, caring about each other, eventually falling for each other. who knew?

"also suga made a bet and told me to confess to you if we won against inarizaki. he told me after the tokonami match. i agreed." daichi huffs after the laughter subsides.

"of course he did. im glad that he did it though." you joke.

"yeah. because then i wouldn't have you." he smiles, getting up. he extends a hand to you, helping you from the bench

"let's go back to the group. i don't want to miss lunch."

✨

it's been months after nationals. you and daichi are in a relationship, happy to be with one another. he's taken you on so many wonderful dates and his family seems to love getting to know you more. but there's still something that's missing. you've always struggled to open up to people completely. even daichi doesn't know what you're like when you completely break.

that changes one day when you have to travel from your dorm, to your parents house, then to daichi's for a date. it was supposed to be casual- just you and him in your pajamas, watching movies and eating takeout. but after being berated by your family for your career choice it triggered something in you. you felt like a little kid again, being told that you're not enough, being slowly manipulated by your family into burning yourself out. dachi helped the loneliness subside, but you knew that, inside, you were still the same little kid. that thought made something inside you recoil, but you pushed it down and made your way to daichi's.

you settle into his bed, your partner beside you. you take a good look at him- your man, sturdy and stronger from work at the fire department. suddenly, you can't help but break for some reason. tears flood your eyes and they won't stop for some reason.

"baby? baby what's wrong?"

you didn't deserve him. why were you even friends with him? someone this nice, this gentle with you, this kind? you wanted him to kick you out for crying. you wanted him to break up with you, because good things don't last.

you were so embarrassed and you'd felt so weak and stupid. you'd never been allowed to cry before, you'd always been told that it was a sign of weakness. good children didn't cry, so now that you were grown up you shouldn't either.

daichi hadn't judged you. he just set the tv remote down and moved in to hug you. other people's touches usually made you flinch and swat them away, but it was never like that with him. not when he supported the small of your back when you fell, not when you jumped into his arms, not when he took your hand after your mutual confession.

the two of you were hugging now, your chin on his shoulder and his head tucked into your side. you could stay like this forever. he was so warm. you could feel the two of your heartbeats almost sinking into one as your sobs quieted down and your breathing slowed to normal. this was the effect that he had on you. it was in this moment that you realized that you loved him- you truly did. the brown-eyed, sturdy, kind, careful, gentle boy that you'd met on the first day of high school had become your friend. then he was your crush. now that you two were adults, he was your first partner. the first person that you had ever fallen truly, deeply in love with.

you felt weak for desiring a love that was this tender. pessimistic you has you thinking that maybe all of the bad things that happened when you were growing up- your family being distant, friends leaving, you feeling alone all of the time- were a sign. a sign that you didn't deserve love. but if you were undeserving, if the pessimistic side of you was right, maybe you could have this moment to keep instead. is that it? if a whirlwind kind of love was too much to ask, you could just keep these moments with daichi close to your heart. if it was possible to take this feeling and keep it in a bottle, you would.

in between sobs, you vent.

"everything sucks, daichi. my family has always been so critical of me. i never get to see any of our friends anymore. im trying to succeed at school but my family won't get off my back. i feel so alone."

daichi pulls away to look at you. his palm is cupping your face and uses his thumb to wipe a tear away. you sniffle. you struggle to meet his beautiful brown eyes, averting your gaze. but you can feel his gaze on you, and when you do finally find the courage to make eye contact, he looks at you with nothing but affection. for some reason you don't feel judged by him. you don't feel... bad for crying in front of him anymore. he's looking at you with nothing but acceptance, nothing but care.

"hey." he starts in a small, gentle voice. "i know how you feel about crying, doll. but it's okay to cry. no matter what your parents say about you, you're a good person. a lovely person, even. you're a good friend too. what they think is stupid." he smiles a little. you love that smile- the way that his eyes crinkle a little and his cheeks dimple. he holds one of your hands in both of his. "i love you. you're good, and smart, and kind, and hardworking. you forget to take care of yourself sometimes, but i think that that's okay. while you're learning how to show yourself more compassion I'll take care of you in the meantime. whatever you need, doll. you're safe with me. no matter what. okay?"

you're crying again. great. you don't stop yourself this time and you throw yourself into his arms. he's there, waiting for you. you let yourself sob into his chest while he gently rubs your back. he holds you in his big, strong arms and hugs you closer. you don't feel suffocated and you don't feel humiliating to be crying. you feel safe. it sucks to cry over what your family thinks of you and it sucks that you don't feel like enough. it sucks that you've felt alone for most of your life. it sucks that you feel guilty for wanting love and it sucks that sometimes, you feel guilty for loving daichi so much. but as he holds you and presses a kiss to the top of your head, nuzzling your hair, all of the pain is tinged with something warm. something safe. something so, so safe. a feeling that you'd never felt before.

it's in that moment that you know- daichi isn't a whirlwind. he isn't a storybook prince that will whisk all of your problems away. no, he's somehow better. he's a pillar of support, a source of comfort, a prince in his own right. no, he won't save you- you still have to take care of yourself. but he'll support you, fill in the gaps, love you unconditionally. maybe a fix-it-all is too much to ask, but you couldn't care less about that now. all that you want his daichi. he takes care of you. he respects you. he loves you, despite your flaws and your feelings of weakness and those moments like now when you just need to be held. he loves you.

when you've stopped crying your voice is croaky and you feel gross. you look up at daichi and he hands you a box of tissues from the nightstand. you're an ugly crier, you know that. but daichi doesn't seem to judge as you dab at your eyes and look to check your reflection in his room mirror. it feels wrong to leave the comfort of his arms, but it also feels like instinct to check your composure. when you're done you turn around to face him, eyes tired.

"do you want to talk about it doll?" you're about to object, in a prefunctory sort of way, but he cuts in. "baby, i don't mind. really. i just want to know that you're okay. i just want to know that you feel safe. you've endured a lot and the way that you feel matters."

you sniffle. "im fine not talking for now daichi. im... tired. just tired. from crying. i just want to sleep." when he shows you nothing but understanding, you stutter out one last request

"ww-will you hold me?"

"of course, princess. ive got you."

you clamber back to bed. daichi and you shift positions so that he's laying down and you're against his chest. he smells like that nice, crisp soap that he always uses. you bury your face in his chest once more, before laying on your side to the sound of his heartbeat.

you sigh. "i love this sound. it lets me know that you're here with me. it let's me know that you're real."

daichi chuckles warmly. you can hear the sound reverberate throughout his chest and it tickles your ear. he's so sweet. it's then that he promises something to you.

"im here, darling. and i am not going anywhere."

your eyes water a little at that. "i love you, daichi. you're my best friend."

he sighs, and it's like you can feel his warm, gentle smile from where you're resting. "i love you too, doll. so much. you are the most precious thing in the world to me."

you know in that moment that you are loved- genuinely, indellibly loved. the roughness and loneliness that you once endured is no more. despite everything, you're learning how to love yourself and to take care of yourself. it feels so, so lonely sometimes and the work seems endless. but whenever you need someone to catch you when you fall, you know that your love, daichi, will be there. forevermore.

his heartbeat relaxes you as you snuggle deeper into his chest. the last words that the two of you utter to one another are ones of love before you both drift off to sleep. you love him- so, so much. and he loves you.

tagging some folks in the longest fic that ive ever written because aaaaaa. if u want to be added to my taglist or taken off plz send me an ask!

@ceo-of-daichi @honeybunny-sawamura @daichis-kitty @goldenshoyo @daichidaichidaichi @kingtamakimurder

[ppersonna]

physical - pjm | m

lights out and follow the noise. baby keep on dancing like you ain't got a choice. so come on, let's get physical - physical, dua lipa

↳ summary- you cant seem to escape the sexy fitness instructor that seemingly is everywhere you turn. it’s enough to make you irrational.

↳ rating- explicit

↳ word count- 6.2k

↳ pairing- park jimin x reader

↳ genre- smut, fluff, comedy, fitness instructor!jimin, honestly this is pwp but with like 20% plot

↳ warnings- oral sex (m/f receiving) penetrative sex, sex in public, exhibitionism, spitting, slightly dom!jimin, jimin is v mouthy during sex, jimin is also a brat, 

↳ a/n- hiiiii we back at it again.  this fic brings me to 1 fic per member so i can finally feel good about repeats looloooolll also, this was very fun to write because i got to incorporate my love for exercise classes and my bias uwu.  also jimin 100% would be the worst instructor to take a class from bc i would NEVER focus EVER AGAIN.  pls feel free to message, comment, etc etc bc i love friendship.  enjoy!!!!!

The sound of your spin shoes clipping into the pedals is like music to your ears. 

You feel your shoulders relax as you roll them, warming and stretching the muscles of your arms and back. EDM beats play lightly over the impressive sound system, encouraging the riders to cycle to warm up for 45 minutes of adrenaline and heart-pumping cardio. 

Spin class is one of your happy places. Group fitness classes give you a rush that solo workouts can’t compare to. You love the camaraderie, the support and the built in friendships. Plus, you love having someone at the front of the room tell you exactly what to do. So what, you’re a little subservient? 

You smile at the ladies clipping into the bikes next to you, not knowing who they are but finding that everyone is friendly and wants the best for themselves and the group.  It’s why you love these types of classes.  Strangers become teammates. 

You hadn’t bothered to check who was instructing today, having clicked on the class time that fit your schedule best. You hoped it was your favorite Hoseok, but had learned that all the instructors were just as good Hoseok was just so vibrant, he made you work harder. 

The heat in your legs builds upon a low simmer, muscles warming for an intense class.  A melodic voice sounds over the speakers, your instructor coming in and securing their place at the front of the room. 

You take a moment to stop gaping. In front of you is quite possibly the most beautiful human you’ve ever seen in your short life. 

He’s incredibly toned, wearing a tight adidas tank and second skin-like leggings. He clips into the bike on the podium and smiles at the class. 

You’re sure you’re salivating. You curse yourself for picking the bike front and center today, now acutely aware how likely you were to drool over the instructor the entire time.  

He notices your stare and winks before he adjusts his mic and speaks again. 

“Good morning, everyone!  I’ll be your instructor today. My name is Jimin and I’m happy to be here,” his voice is light and sounds like honey. It slithers down your skin and oozes into you.  “Let’s get started at a quick pace of 90 rpm’s and warm up those legs!”

His dirty blonde hair glistens in the spotlight, thighs flex and ripple in his leggings.  You’re frozen in your seat and it takes you four thumping heart beats to realize the class has started.  Fuck. He will be the death of you. Nothing makes you lose focus in class. 

You push your legs and begin, and he turns his gaze back on to you. It’s as if he lights a match and throws it on you, the way your body reacts under his stare.  You wonder what it feels like to touch his chest, his toned arms. You bite your lip and pant, breathlessness unrelated to the exercise. 

Class is torture. Everything Jimin says is a double entendre to your ears and you find your core aching and wet only 15 minutes in. Jimin looks perfect, up in third position on the bike, standing and hips pushed back. You can see his pert little ass in the mirror, and you want to cry. It’s beautiful, just like the rest of him. 

“All right, let’s tap it back in 4, 3, 2, 1!”

Jimin pushes his hips to tap the seat with his ass, before standing back up as he pedals in time with the music. He looks delicious, sweat on his forehead.  He pushes his hair out of his eyes and you nearly pass out at the sly smile curved on his face. 

You attempt to do the workout but feel yourself faltering, missing the beat often. It frustrates you. Normally, you are at the top of the leaderboard, soaring above the others with your effort. Today you land near the bottom. All because of fucking Jimin and his perfect fucking body. 

The arms circuit comes next and you are grateful for the reprieve from heavy resistance on your legs and a chance to sit and catch your breath.  You grab the weight bar and hold it in your palms, ready to do bicep curls at the count of your instructor. 

Jimin unclips from his bike and grabs his bar, before walking the length of the front of the room.  He begins with the bicep curls and you choke. His arms ripple with the effort and his hands look so strong and veiny; your mind immediately fills with thoughts of his strong hands fingering you to completion.  He counts out the numbers and winks at you again as you falter in your push and pull. You shut your eyes, avoiding looking at him, and focus on the curl of your arms. 

It’s infuriating. You take pride in your fitness and find yourself most satisfied after an intense workout.  This class has proven to be intense in a whole different manner, but you’re upset at the lost opportunity to push yourself and focus. 

As your eyes flutter open again, Jimin moves to put the bar away and clip back into his bike. Only 15 minutes left. You can do this. 

You definitely did not do it. The last fifteen minutes were pure torture. Jimin kept his monologue of encouragement going, but his voice was tinged with fatigue and he panted hard into the mic. Sometimes, during particularly tough resistance, he would add little grunts and “uh!”s to his countdowns.  You felt your thighs tremble with each one, gasping at the fantasy of his grunts as he fucked into you. 

Blessedly, the class ended and Jimin was leading the group through relaxing stretches to calm you down. It didn’t calm you in the least.  You watch as he folds himself in half over the bike to stretch his hamstrings and you’re mesmerized when he stands on his bike to stretch his back out. You want to lick every inch of him, tease your tongue down every hard line of muscle you could see until it landed directly on his coc-

“Thank you, everyone! You did incredible!” Jimin cooes over the mic as he stands next to the bike. He bows slightly in reverence to the group, and the class is dismissed. 

You’re not sure if you want to book it out of the room first or linger. You’re sure if he tries to talk to you, you’ll implode. Maybe you can leave in a crowd, while he’s talking to one of the older ladies sure to hit on him. 

You pack up your water bottle and towel, patting the sweat on your face as you try to sneak past in a crowd of elderly women. 

“Hey!” Jimin calls and you freeze. You look up to find the object of your frustrations smiling at you. Fuck. He was talking to you.

“Great job today,” he grins. 

Little shit, you grumble internally. He knows perfectly well that you did dreadfully, coming in 12th place out of 15. A woman three times your age got first place, and it burned you more than you cared to admit. 

“Thanks,” you murmur, awkwardly patting your face dry.  You’re positive you look terrible. Red faced from exertion and arousal, sweating like a pig. 

“You come here often, princess?” He asks as he walks closer to you. You find your breath catch in your throat and you’re unable to reply.  He chuckles. 

“Cat got your tongue?”  His smirk is legendary and you want to slap or kiss it right off. 

“I’m-,” you croak out, then clear your throat and steel yourself. “I come every other day. Sometimes more.” 

Jimin can’t take his eyes off of you. He smirks again. “You should take another class of mine, doll.” 

You blush, and you hope the already flushed color of your cheeks hides it. 

“You could use the practice. Soon, you’ll get the hang of it.” He gives you a wink and leaves, leaving you stewing in anger and frustration at his words. 

How dare he?! He assumed you were a novice! Your pride and ego burned. You were a regular! You always came in the top 3 of the class! It’s his fucking fault you couldn’t focus on class! 

You grab your things from the locker you stored it in, change your shoes, and stomp out of the spin studio with only one thought on your mind. 

The asshole, Park Jimin. 

You avoided spin like the plague. You rationally knew he didn’t teach every single class there, but you couldn’t face it, face the place where he hurt your pride so quickly and turned your insides into molten lava. 

You dragged your best friend Jungkook with you to yoga, a quick and heated vinyasa class. Jungkook was more of a weight lifting guy, but you had recently talked him into trying yoga, explaining the benefits of meditation and the stretching of his muscles and sinew would help improve his form. He caved and quickly found he liked it. 

You spread your mat down on the warm wooden floor and let out a sigh. You had been looking forward to this class all week, and you were finally here.  You ensured you were taking the class from your favorite instructor, Taehyung, when you booked you and Jungkook’s spot. 

You smile at Jungkook as he settles himself into his mat, and you both begin stretching and chatting lightly before class begins. 

The door opens just as you get into child’s pose, face toward the mat in between your thighs and arms stretched high above your head on the floor. 

A silky voice, most decidedly not Taehyung’s, rolls over your body. 

“Welcome everyone. I’m your substitute teacher today. My name is Park Jimin.”

Your head snaps up and you stifle a groan at the sight you’re welcomed with.  

Jimin stands on the mat at the front of the class, directly in front of you, wearing nothing but long, lululemon tights that cling to his skin. Again, you chose to be front and fucking center. You can see the way his legs form in his leggings. His chest is bare, and you can’t stop staring at the defined lines of his abs. You want to cry. 

He’s invaded your favorite spots twice now. 

He recognizes you, startled for a moment, but quickly covers it with a wink in your direction. You let your head fall to the mat with a thunk. 

The class is hot, literally. It’s 102 degrees Fahrenheit and you’re dripping with sweat. You move with precision through each sun salutation, ashtanga, and tree pose. The moves flow into one another, your favorite thing about vinyasa, and you pointedly avoid even looking at the instructor.  You’re grateful you know all the moves by heart and can position yourself into them by memory. 

You’re proud that you only falter a few times, heart stuttering every time Jimin walks by you to note your pose and call out the next position. You’ve never wanted to simultaneously fight and fuck someone so bad in your life. 

It’s the final, relaxing poses of the class and you sigh with relief as you maneuver into sleeping swan. You slide out of down dog and slip your right knee between your hands, lean a bit to the right, and press your hips forward towards the ground.  You can feel the delicious stretch in your hips and your eyes flutter at the release of tension.  You lay down over your knee, allowing your arms to lay flat above your knee and press your hips down as far as you can. 

It’s quiet, all you can hear is your breath. You see Jimin out of the corner of your eye assisting others push deeper into the pose, pressing his hands where they need the help.  You gulp.  Fuck. 

You turn your head back towards the mat and focus only on your breathing and the stretch in your body.   Jimin indicates to switch legs, and you do so effortlessly, sliding your left knee to the center and putting your right knee back. 

It feels good to stretch, especially on your weaker left side. You inhale deeply and let it out as you try to push your hip forward more.  

Suddenly, warm hands are on your lower back, right above the cleft of your ass. You bite your lip tight, knowing it’s Jimin, guiding you deeper.  Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. 

Your breath catches as he presses down, humming his approval as your hips move with his hands and you gasp at the feel of the stretch. It feels even better going further than you could on your own. He laughs quietly through his nostrils, as he smooths his warm hands up under your shirt to rest on the skin of your back. 

You feel as if you will explode. Just as your body reacts to his touch and caress, it’s gone and he’s moving to Jungkook to guide the weightlifter through his own pose.  

The class ends and Jungkook smiles at you as you both lift from your ‘namaste’ bow. 

“That was great!” He grins as he rolls up his mat. “Jimin’s a great teacher! We should take more of his classes.” 

You silently cry, not sure your weak heart and pussy can handle any more of Jimin and his stupidly hot body and his ridiculous smile. 

“Yeah, Kook,” you half-heartedly agree, not interested in divulging your sordid secret crush on the asshole who embarrassed you. 

You’re packed up and exiting the room when the same familiar voice chimes. 

“Hey, princess!”  

You and Jungkook both turn around to see Jimin smiling at the head of the room. Jungkook looks at you questioningly, wondering why the instructor is calling you princess. 

“You did good today,” Jimin notes. “You should come again sometime. We can make sure you’re really getting stretched out.” 

Your cheeks flame impossibly red and you splutter. Jimin winks at you. This fucking asshole. 

“Your hips seem a little tight. We can work on that.”  He knows exactly what he’s fucking doing and you want to kick him in the dick just as much as you want to kneel in front of him to suck it. 

“Sure, Jimin,” you grumble out before you drag Jungkook from the heated room. 

Jungkook is all grins. “What was THAT?” He asks as you exit the yoga studio and head towards the subway. “He was basically asking to fuck you right there! How do you know him?!”

You pout at your best friend. “He doesn’t want to fuck! He just enjoys getting me worked up,” you sigh. “He was my spin instructor the other day, and he got me so fucking heated I nearly came in last place! In a class full of grandmas!” 

Jungkook snickers as you both tap your metro cards and lean against the wall to wait for the next train. 

“Girl, he was offering to help you stretch you out. He wants you.” 

As much as it thrilled you, you couldn’t comprehend it. Jimin was ethereal. He surely had women throwing themselves at him. He simply enjoyed the teasing. 

“Whatever, Kook. He told me I need practice at cycling. ME! I’m the goddamn spin queen!”  The crowd around you watches you and you pale at the embarrassment. You lower your voice. “He just wants to see me fired up, for no fucking reason.”

“Okay, delusional,” he sighs, patting your sweaty head. “Believe what you want.” 

You hmph in reply and watch as a train approaches to take you home. 

You most definitely will believe what you want. 

Jimin is fucking everywhere.  If he’s not instructing, he’s taking the same fucking classes as you. Barre, Pilates, yin yoga, CrossFit. He’s always there and always taunting you with his perfect fucking body and teasing words and your fantasies of him drilling you into a mattress until you can’t talk. 

You avoid group classes altogether. You can’t face him. Your fitness is suffering because of it. 

You suck it up and go to the gym, the regular ass gym with no classes, and you’re determined to run a few miles on the treadmill and maybe get a good 20 minute lift in. It’s been too long since you’ve had the thrill of a good workout, the satisfying ache in your muscles. The gym will suffice.  It’s missing the level of companionship that group classes provide, but it’s better than nothing.

You pop your earphones into your ears and click on some music, not caring what it was as long as it was quick, and press begin on the treadmill. 

Running is easy. The strangers around you melt away and it’s just you and the treadmill. You love the way your heart is beating, sweat forming at your forehead.  Finally. A good fucking workout. 

All thoughts sweep away as you run, and your only thought process is on the push down of your feet on the treadmill belt and the pull up of your legs to lengthen your stride.  The runner’s high was something you lived for, and you realize you should incorporate more running into your routine. 

You don’t even pause for water, so wrapped up in the run's high that you don’t feel thirsty. 

Your watch vibrates against your wrist, notifying you that the 60 minutes you set to run is up, and you slow your pace to a complete stop.  You feel like you’re high. Your heart is racing and your body feels like it’s vibrating. This is what you had been missing in the weeks of unsatisfying classes. The flood of endorphins after a perfect workout.  

You suck down some water, before removing your earbuds from your ears. The roar of the gym is loud, music and TVs and chatter from the gymgoers. 

“You’ve got great running form, you know.” A familiar sultry voice is suddenly next to you, and your arms prickle. 

You turn to gaze at the intruder and feel your body coil tight. 

Park fucking Jimin. And his fucking ridiculously sexy smirk and perfect hair and godly body. 

“Are you following me?!” You accuse. How the fuck is he everywhere you go!?

Jimin laughs out loud and leans against the treadmill next to you. “It’s not my fault you’re taking all my classes! One might think you’re following me.”  

You scowl and push yourself off the treadmill. 

“Hey, wait, don’t go!” he calls and grabs your arm.  

You turn to glare at him. “You going to tell me I need more practice at running too?” your tone is harsh but you don’t care. 

Jimin bites his lip and smiles at you. “Damn, is that why you hate me?” He asks. 

“You told me I needed more practice at cycling!  I'm great at cycling!  Better than most!”

You’re aware that others are watching, but you can’t find it in you to care. You cross your arms underneath you, pressed up against your sports bra you deemed appropriate as a shirt. 

“You looked like a beginner! I’m sorry!” He apologizes. “Hoseok told me later that you’re, like, one of the best!  I have to reach out to the new riders! It’s mandatory!”  

You suck your teeth, still unimpressed. 

“When I saw you in yoga doing everything from memory, I knew you weren’t just some novice! I’m sorry for assuming, okay?” He sighs. “What had you so fucked up in spin, anyway?” 

Your heart thuds to a skidding brake. There’s no way you can tell him the reason you sucked so bad in class was because you could only focus on how his cock would feel stuffed up inside you. 

“I,” you falter. For the second time, Jimin has you stumbling over your words. “I didn’t feel well,” you lie. 

Jimin snorts. “Bullshit.”

Your cheeks flush and you stay silent. 

“You got distracted by me, didn’t you?” He smirks. You gape at the size of his ego. You wonder if his cock compares in size and then kick yourself for still thinking about his fucking dick. 

“I’ll take the silence as a yes,” he winks as he throws an arm around your shoulder. 

“You’re an arrogant prick, you know that?” You snark as you push his delicious, toned, silky arm off you. 

“And you’re a selfish, competitive bitch.”

The grin on his face is shit-eating, and you find your blood boiling. 

“You take that back!” You demand. 

“Tell me I distracted you, that my presence fucked up the great ___, spin queen extraordinaire, and I will.” 

All you see is red.  Red, fiery anger. No.  There was no fucking way you would let him win, revel in your shame in the middle of a crowded gym.   You drag Jimin by his Nike tank top that shows almost 100% of his body, to the nearest ‘family shower’, pulling him inside and locking the heavy door behind you. 

You push him against the door and press a finger to his chest. 

“Fine! You did. You distracted me throughout fucking class,” you hiss. “All I could think about was sucking you off and seeing your lips on my pussy and riding your dick until we both can’t talk. Okay?! Happy now?!” You’re fuming, chest heaving with intensity. 

Jimin's grin lights up ten times brighter. 

“I thought the same things during class too,” he admits coolly. 

Jimin has you speechless for the nth time. “What?” You breathe. 

“When I saw you on the bike, I couldn’t stop staring at your tits and your lips. You looked so good. And then in yoga, that tight little ass was begging for me to spank it. While you were running, I was wondering what you’d look like cumming around my cock.” 

He shrugs, the words rolling off his tongue as if he isn’t admitting he wants to defile you as much as you do him. 

“Are you serious!!?” You squeak, heart beat thundering in your ears. 

“100%,” he smirks and rests the back of his head against the door. 

It’s silent for a beat as you stare each other down.

Fuck it.

Next thing you know, you’re launching yourself forward to press your lips to his in a searing hot kiss. 

Jimin kisses back fervently, tongue swirling into your mouth as his hands wrap around your body.  He finds purchase on your ass and squeezes it through the tight leggings. 

You gasp and shudder at his hands roaming your backside. Jimin pulls his lips away and smirks. God, that fucking smirk. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while.” 

“Yeah?” You ask as you move your hands to the front of his chest. He nods. “You know what I’ve wanted to do for a while?”  

He grins and tilts his head. “What, princess?” 

You drop to your knees, tugging his adidas tights down with you. His cock springs free, and you gape at the enormity of it. 

“Shit,” he hisses suddenly as cool air hits him. “That was fucking hot.”

You’re encouraged by him and you wink up at him, before you’re wrapping your hand around his length to give it an introductory pump. 

Jimin rewards you with a moan, unabashed in his volume. He doesn’t care who the fuck hears you two, this is the hottest thing he’s done in his life. 

“So thick,” you murmur. “I wondered how big it was.” 

Jimin can’t reply, because your lips are latching onto his dick with fervor and you lick and suckle at his length.  Jimin’s eyes nearly roll back into his head at the suction of your mouth.  

“Oh, my god,” he gasps. “Y-You’re ridiculously good at that.” 

You preen under his praise and continue, allowing his length to the back of your throat.  You let him gag you, saliva and tears both gathering at the sensation and Jimin stifles a cry.  Your hand comes to his cock as you pull away and take a harsh breath, wiping away the tears from your gag reflex.  You stroke him quickly, loving the way his weighty cock feels in your hands.  As you pump him, the tip of your tongue teases at the slit of his head and Jimin swears loudly. 

“Fuck!  Christ, gonna make me cum,” he’s whiny. It’s adorable. He purses his pretty puffy lips as he moans for more, more of you. “Such a good girl, shit, ahhhhh,” he gasps as you suck him into your mouth again. 

It doesn’t take long, the sensation of your hot mouth and hand jerking him sends him flying and he’s cumming hot stripes down your throat.  You feel you’re on cloud nine as you swallow his seed, sucking at the tip until he hisses from overstimulation. 

As you pull away, you open your mouth and extend your tongue to show him you dutifully swallowed his cum, and he groans. 

“You’re a fucking filthy little thing, aren’t you?” 

You nod in reply, and Jimin grips your jaw in his hand, forcing your mouth to stay open.  

You jerk in his grasp as he spits into your mouth; the saliva hitting your tongue. You’ve never been more turned on in your life.  He releases you, and you swallow again. 

“Kinky bitch,” Jimin cooes. “All for me.” 

He pulls you up to stand in front of him, pressing his lips to yours again for another burning kiss. 

It’s too short for your liking, as Jimin pulls away and manhandles you to sit on the sink. You’re obedient, smiling prettily. Fuck, you can’t believe it’s happening. You just sucked Jimin off, the same Jimin you’ve ogled and anguished over for weeks now. 

“Let me see these tits,” he asserts as he tugs up the sports bra from your body.  You comply, raising your arms up to allow him to pull it off. 

He throws the bra to the floor and cups your breasts. 

“Fuck,” he breathes as his thumbs rub across your nipples.  You shiver from the cold air and the heat of his thumbs. “I jerked off thinking about these tits after spin.”

He lowers himself to lick at a nipple and you’re whining for more. 

“Thought about pushing them together and fucking them like a pussy.”  He bites down on your nub, causing you to squeal and jump. He soothes the flesh with a suck from his lips and languid circling of his tongue. 

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He smirks, eyes boring into yours as he roves your nipple with his delicious tongue  “My kinky little whore wants her yoga instructor to fuck her pretty tits.”

You’re thriving, his words making your cunt ache. It’s dripping wet. You’re sure it’s leaking through the fabric of your leggings by now. Jimin being just as rough and filthy as your fantasies has you reeling. 

“Yes,” you whine. “I want you to fuck your cock in my tits.” 

Jimin hums around your nipple before switching to the other, ravaging it with the same attention as its twin received. 

“God, you’re a fucking whore,” he whispers as he bites at your nipple hard enough to make you jerk in his grasp.  “I love it.” 

Your hips are moving against his body, desperate for friction where you need it most.  It’s not lost on Jimin and he pulls off your tits with a pop. He marvels at his work. Your nipples are suckled fresh and red, perking and pebbling in the cold air. 

“Mmm, does princess want some attention here?” He asks as he slides a hand down to grip your aching quim.  

You gasp in response, shuddering at the feel of his palm against your core. 

“P-please! Pretty please!” You beg. 

He kisses at your breasts again, before he tugs your shoes and socks off, and pulls the leggings down your smooth legs and throws them to join the matching bra on the floor. He’s pleased when he notes you aren’t wearing panties.

You don’t care how you look, wanton and desperate.  You spread your thighs wide, feet resting on the edge of the sink. Jimin gazes at you like you’re fine art, the Mona Lisa at the Louvre. 

“Look at you,” he adores. “Spread out for me like a slut.  And you’re dripping wet too, mmm.” He rubs a finger up and down your silky thigh. 

“You’re such a good girl, aren’t you?” He grips your chin with one hand while the other continues rubbing at your inner thigh. “A good little bitch for me.”

You nod and gasp as his fingers skim impossibly close to your cunt. 

“Do you deserve it, princess? After you were so mean to me earlier?”  

You pout and shiver. “I’m sorry!” You gasp as his finger hovered over your pussy. “I’m s-sorry! I was j-just upset! I didn’t meaaaaaaan it!” His finger dips and taps at your clit, feather light, and you’re crying at the feeling. 

Jimin shushes you, finger still impossibly light on your clit. “Hush, baby. I forgive you. You sucked my cock so well, made me cum so hard.”

The finger increases pressure slightly and you’re aching, trembling for more. 

“Good little sluts get rewarded, hm? I think you’ve earned yours, princess.” 

You’re not given an opportunity to reply as Jimin harshly thrusts two fingers into your cunt and fucks you furiously.  Your moan is impossibly loud, loud enough you’re sure the rest of the gym can hear you but all you can focus on is Jimin, Jimin, Jimin and his thick fucking fingers thrusting into you. 

He lowers down and licks at your clit, flicking it up and down. He watches as your body trembles, wails echoing off the tile walls. 

“Mmm, my pretty little princess, so fucking wet for me.” He emphasizes with a kiss to your clit, before he sucks it into his lips. The tugging makes stars shine in your vision, nearly blacking out from how good it feels. 

Jimin can feel that you are close, and as much as he wants to get you off with his fingers, he wants you to cum on his cock more. He pulls away from you, and you’re whining at the loss. 

“Hush, princess,” he sighs. “Be good, no whining.”

You quiet immediately but still feel a throb in your core. He delivers a harsh slap to your cunt, surprising you and making you yelp. Jimin grins and kisses your lips.

“Stand up and turn around and face the mirror, doll.”

You move to comply, hop off the counter to turn and press your back against Jimin. You can see yourself in the gym mirror now. You look fucked out completely. Your tits are blooming red where he suckled at your nipples, eyes hooded and blown wide with lust. 

Jimin’s lips tickle at your ear and he whispers, “This is what I imagined during spin class. Seeing you so fucked out and wet for me.   These pretty tits marked by me,” he cups one, and pinches at the nipple. “My sweet little princess.” 

His hand moves up to your throat, giving it a solid squeeze, and you shut your eyes. Euphoria.  Pure bliss. 

“That’s right, baby,” he kisses the shell of your ear. “All mine.  Such a slut for me.” 

You’re nodding, eyes still closed, as he removes his hand and pressed your head down towards the sink.  You wiggle your ass and rub against his length, giggling at the feel. 

“I want you to watch yourself get fucked by me. You’re gonna watch me ruin this tiny little cunt,” he grunts. “You’re going to watch what I fantasized about in every fucking class I saw you in.” 

You realize you’re moaning loudly, the sound spilling out of your lips subconsciously as the head of his dick rubs your pussy lips.  He hisses at the wetness, loving the way it slicks up his cock with ease. 

“Eyes open, my love,” he orders gently when he notices you’ve closed them.  They snap open and your gaze falls on him in the mirror.  He looks so fucking good, so hot and feral. His muscles glisten in the light, a sheen of sweat from his workout and from the heat of your bodies pressing together. 

He winks at you, the same one he gave you that fucking blasted day at spin, and then pushes into your tight heat in one go. 

“Oh, fuck, Jimin!” you’re gasping as your walls stretch to accommodate him. 

He grits his teeth for a moment, savoring the feel of your silken walls. “Told you we needed to stretch you out, need to get you nice and loose.”

You shiver as he remains still inside of you, but he’s quickly pulling out of you to impale you again.  The sound of flesh slapping on flesh fills the room and you can hear the wetness of your cunt around him. 

“Shit,” he moans. “You’re so fucking tight, unghhhh. Gonna ruin this little pussy, baby.  Gonna make you never want another cock in you except mine.” 

You believe him. You’re sure after this you’ll never even notice another man.  Jimin has you wrapped around his finger, he has since the first day you met at spin. 

“All yours,” you squeak through the thrusts, watching your tits jiggle. He notices your stare and roughly grabs at one, squeezing it until you reward him with a loud groan and the tightening of your cunt. 

“That’s right.  You’re mine. Ahhhh, wanna make you my girl, baby. Gonna fuck this little hole every night. You’d like that, huh?”  You nod in reply, and he slaps your ass with his free hand. “Use your filthy words, bitch.” 

You gasp at the sharp sting and splitter a response. “P-please! I want you! Only want you inside me.”  You’re half coherent to the words you’re speaking, his dick is literally fucking you stupid. 

He grins in reply, swatting your ass again. The pain sends a tingle straight to your clit and you squeeze his cock inside you, causing him to groan out loud. 

“God, you’re so perfect.  So fucking perfect for me,” he babbles. “Gonna fuck you in the spin studio.  And at yoga.  Gonna fuck you in barre while everyone watches.” 

The high you’re feeling is unparalleled.  You’re sure you’ve felt nothing quite like this, never been fucked so good in your lifetime. Jimin knows how to work you up, both emotionally and physically, and brings out the beast in you. 

You can feel your release building, already so close from his incessant fingering and tonguing of your clit. 

“J-Jimin!” You’re heaving his name, harsh pants signaling your oncoming climax. “S-so close!”

He becomes rabid, fucking into you at a pace you’re sure isn’t human. He angles his dick to hit right at your spongy wall, thrusting into your g-spot with ease, as if he knows your body inside and out. 

“Yeah, cum for me, whore. Cum on my cock.” 

It feels heady, feeling him thrust inside you and murmur such filth to you. He wants you and only you. The notion is as orgasmic as his cock itself.  The tightness in your core builds, builds, leaning on the precipice of euphoria. 

“Cum for me, baby, come on. Mark me as yours.” 

His possessive tone is the last thing you hear before the waves of orgasm pound over you like a typhoon. Your cunt clenches and flutters hard around his dick and he’s moaning your name. You feel how tight you are, his cock stilling inside you as he reaches his own high. 

“Oh, shit! Shit shit shit!” he gasps. “Gonna be full of my cum, baby! You’re mine!”  

Hot ropes of cum coat your core, and you’re relishing in the feeling. 

“My god,” Jimin sighs. He lets his softening cock remain inside you as he presses a kiss to your back. 

“Is it too early to say I love you?” He jokes.  Your heart flutters as you wiggle your ass.

“No, but take me to dinner first.”

He slaps at your red ass lightly, right where he spanked it before. His grin lights up the room. 

“With pleasure.”

“Hi, welcome to class, I’ll be your instructor today. My name is Jimin. Let’s get started.” 

You smile from your seat, front and center, and move your legs in time with the music. 

The instructor catches your eye and winks at you. 

Spin is even better now, if that’s possible. You spend your time in class with your deliciously sweaty boyfriend, who doesn’t go easy on you. He pushes you, makes you better and faster and stronger.  He rewards your first place spots by eating your pussy until you cry. 

Life is better.  You’ve found your person, the one who will do everything with you, for you. He loves you, completely and fully. You’ve never felt more cherished in your long years of living. 

Class ends before you know it, and you linger as the group meanders out to the lobby, leaving Jimin and you alone. 

“Hey, princess,” he calls to you as you rub the sweat from your face. 

You look up to see a sly smile on his face. 

“You should stay back and practice.  I think you need it,” he chides, teasingly. 

Your heart skips a beat as he closes the door, barring you from exiting the room full of bikes, and approaches you with a leer. 

“Oh, yeah?” You place a hand on your hip. 

“Yeah, and I think I know just the instructor who can help.” 

Jimin pounces on you with a kiss, and your giggles fill the room. 

Life is better now, and it will get even more so. Jimin glances back at the podium as you scurry to get your leggings off, his eyes resting on the velvet ring box. 

Yeah, it will definitely get better. 

© ppersonna - 2020 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.

[goldentsum]

— delivery boy

PAIRING: shinsou x reader

GENRE: fluff, awkward scenes

WORDCOUNT: 2.3k

SUMMARY: a sleep-deprived college student just trying to get by the hellhole he’s in by getting a job as a delivery boy. shinsou hates what he does but if he can get a certain cutie, it might lessen his hatred for his job. 

TAGS: college au, just fluff with soft and awkward shinsou, sleep-deprived! shinsou as always, cursing, crack

AUTHOR’S NOTE: quarantine made me do it. sighhh, can’t i have a cute delivery boy everytime i order shit? also, shinsou is me pls. D:<

shinsou hates his job. he doesn’t like it one bit. the way some orders are too long that he was using his big brain juice all the time or when someone cancels their order when he already bought the fucking food, he absolutely hates it. his faith in humanity is decreasing at a rapid speed with his job, not like it exists to begin with anyway.

the purple-haired male is proud of his 4.0 gpa despite him slowly losing his sanity as he lose sleep over it but there was this asshole of a teacher in literature 3 was making it difficult to maintain it just because the old geezer has his head stuck in his ass and he won’t even give them the ppt slides, that asshole. 

shinsou rubbed his tired eyes while his one hand typed on his computer, listening to the asshole professor in front. the male craned his neck and massaged his neck then took a quick sip of coffee, closing his eyes as he did so. when he opened his eyes the slide in front was already different, making him put down his drink in surprise and tried to copy the notes in a hurry, cursing quietly when he noticed that the last sentence in his notes was cut off.

he fussed over his notes because it was the only thing that’s keeping him from failing the class. the professor was an asshole and liked to pick on his students and shinsou absolutely hates him. he swears when he graduates, he’ll curse the professor off and flip him off as he walks away from this hellhole. 

when the class finished, shinsou looked at his notes in horror. it was cut off in a lot of places and so incoherent that when he tried to read it, he thought he gave himself an aneurysm because of it. 

his tired eyes stared blankly at his screen while his internal monologue went on about how he’ll just find a sugar mommy and live his best life while the other students went out the room. his thoughts were then cut off when he heard an oh so familiar voice echoing out to him like a siren in the sea. 

purple eyes turned to the side and saw you with your friends who were waiting outside the classroom door as you walked away from his sight. shinsou’s not gonna admit it but he finds you really pretty. you’re just so soft and small compared to him. your sweet smile was always present every morning unlike his dead eyes and resting bitch face. annoyingly, you always distract him from the lessons which freaks him out. 

no one has ever fazed him but then you came along with your annoyingly pretty face and aesthetic outfits. always sitting beside him, you smelled really sweet too as creepy as that sounds, and you always greet him with such softness that it made him wanna vomit rainbows and sparkles. no one has ever caught his attention so how the hell can you distract him without even doing anything? 

also, why do you write your notes in a notebook and still make it look really good and clean? every time he looks over to your side, he sees your notes and his eyes bulge out when your pretty handwriting, the cute and small illustrations, and pretty colors of your notes fill his sight. 

that’s also one of the things shinsou liked admired about you. you’re probably the only person in your whole batch who writes their notes on a notebook, not that it’s a bad thing but how can your notes still be so pretty and organized even with professor asshole’s hellish pace of changing the slides? 

shinsou sighed and ran a hand through his messy tresses then fixed his things up to get away from the hellhole and come home to his lovely bed. It must've been at least 24 hours since he last slept because he was up all night the other day to fix and perfect every assignment in the devil’s class. 

when he finally got to his dorm, a huge sigh of relief left him as the tall male practically collapsed on his bed. his fatigue overcame him in an instant as his eyes closed in instinct, finally sleeping after stressing so much and intaking coffee, lots of coffee. thank god that it was friday and he didn’t have to wake up early because he finally passed his requirements to every class for the semester.

it was already the next afternoon when shinsou woke up, his body ached but at least he wasn’t running on caffeine to keep him from falling over and dying on the spot. 

loud clanking was heard from his kitchen as he perked up in confusion for a moment then groaned in dread when he realized who it was. shinsou let his head hit the pillow once again, staring at his ceiling and he felt a headache coming in already.

fucking kaminari is in his dorm again. he didn’t get the blond’s actions but the latter always told him that he was “making sure he wasn’t dead yet” but shinsou knows that kaminari only wants free food but he appreciates the effort, he guesses but can’t kaminari check if he wasn’t dead a little quieter? 

he sighed in annoyance and grabbed his phone, going out after stretching and feeling his bone pop satisfyingly. shinsou was greeted with the sight of kaminari fighting with the sizzling oil on the pan in his kitchen. 

“what the fuck are you doing?” shinsou’s bored voice reached the blond male who looked at him and smiled, “morning dude. i noticed you had bacon so i’m gonna cook it.” 

shinsou was about to reply but the sharp yelp kaminari let out cut him off and he watched the shorter male curse at the pan, rubbing the spot where the hot oil hit him. 

he scoffed at the scene and shook his head as he sat on the couch and opened the tv. he was scrolling idly through the channels and when he didn’t find anything entertaining, he stopped on the news. 

opening his phone to check his social media feed as he let the tv and kaminari’s curses and screams become background noises. shinsou just wants to see what type of shit people are in these days and it wasn’t because he’s gonna stalk your account. definitely not that. 

shinsou scrolled through your pictures on ig, admiring the aesthetic ones combined with chaotic energy in your profile. he smiled a bit when he noticed you unarchived an old pic in your ig. you had shorter hair in the picture and wore some funky shades. 

“ohh~ who’s that? she’s cute” kaminari popped out behind him, looking at shinsou’s phone over his shoulders. shinsou jumped at his friend’s presence, letting go off his phone accidentally as he tried to grab it to not let it smack against the hard floor. 

when shinsou saved his phone, he whipped his head and glared at kaminari, “what the fuck, denki!” 

“geez, sorry man” the latter nervously chuckled and walked back to the kitchen with fear coursing in his body when the taller male’s glare didn’t falter. shinsou rolled his eyes at him and looked at his phone. his usual dead eyes widened whilst horror filled his system. 

on his phone, it showed your old picture from a year ago and on the bottom left, the heart was filled. shinsou quickly unliked the picture and threw the phone beside him on the couch as if it burned him. 

“what the fuck what the fuck no no no no--” he mumbled in distress, his heart beating a mile per second. he paled when he imagined seeing you again in class on monday. 

“i’m gonna puke,” shinsou muttered and held his head, eyes wavering in fear. kaminari poked his head from the kitchen and saw his distressed figure. 

“um? shinsou? are you okay, dude?” 

when he heard kaminari’s voice, his head whipped to him in a snap. shinsou smiled at him as a shiver ran down kaminari’s spine. “do i look okay, denki?” 

a loud scream echoed in shinsou’s dorm and that was the last time anyone has ever seen kaminari denki. rip. 

shinsou was stressing the fuck out, he even felt tears prick his eyes with how stressed out he is. nothing could compare to the stress he’s feeling right now well maybe his first finals was also this stressful but that’s not the point. kaminari tried to cheer him up with some bacon and eggs but the male was so snappy though he ate the food after denki left. 

after sulking in his dorm, he shook it off and tried to take his mind off it. he showered, worked out a bit in his room, and made some shake but the embarrassment was always looming in the back of his mind. you might think he’s a creep or something. you two barely talked to each other with only good mornings and pleasantries exchanged for the whole semester so what the hell is he gonna do?! 

before he knew it, he was accepting some orders in his phone to let out some steam and keep him busy. for the first 2 orders everything was fine but he suddenly got tired and the shame he left at his apartment was still in his system. so he accepted the last order for today before going back to his dorm to do his last resort of screaming into the void. he then went to the boba shop to get the orders. 

getting the order, he went straight to a nearby dorm in his campus that’s being shown in his phone to get the money and yeet himself out afterwards. shinsou rubbed his neck, mentally and physically tired after going around and delivering people their food and from getting a harsh life-changing embarrassment happen to him. he’s never gonna stalk you or anyone for that matter again and if he ever sees you again, he’s gonna jump through the nearest fucking window, he doesn’t even care anymore. 

as he rang the doorbell and waited for someone to open the door and get the heavy milk teas off his hand, he was already thinking of going to another school and just live a whole new second life. dramatic as that sounds but it was tempting at this point.

but life was not having it. life wants to see him suffer thoroughly. before he thought he just had some bad luck but now, he knows that life was fucking him over and laughing at his misery. 

the door opened and in came to view the last person he wants to see right now, you, and it’s not fair, why are you answering the door with an oversized shirt and some shorts with messy hair, looking like a goddamn cutie! you want to kill him, don’t you? 

your (e/c) eyes gleam with familiarity when you see the awkward tall male from your class and saw the precious boba in one of his hands.

“shinsou, right? i didn’t know you did delivery?” you smiled at him making the purple-headed male scream internally. he cleared his throat awkwardly and nodded, “y-yeah, the pay isn’t that much but it helps...” he replied so painfully awkward that if anyone sees you two, they’ll cringe. it was that bad.

but being the angel that you are, you giggled and nodded as if you weren’t affected by his awkwardness. he’s thankful for that. 

“wait a second, okay? i’ll get the payment” you chimed and he nodded as you run inside the dorm. shinsou’s mind was running a mile per second, did you not receive the notification of his shameful actions? or were you being an angel and sparing him the embarrassment? 

he wants to hibernate and never leave him bed after this. shinsou snapped out of his thoughts when he saw you jogging towards him with the same beautiful smile you wear everyday and he unconsciously straightened up. 

“here you go! thank you, shinsou!” you giggled and got the milk teas of his hands while you gave the money to him. 

“thank you, (y/n)... um, are you gonna drink all of that?” he asked, cursing his mouth when he just blurted it out. your eyebrows quirk playfully and chuckled, shaking your head no. 

“no, silly. my friends are inside” shinsou nodded stiffly and looked around making you two just stand in silence. a painfully awkward silence. shinsou saw you were about to say something but a loud voice from inside the room called out.

“(y/n), where the fuck are you?! the boba! ..shit-! i saw that, you cheater!” you looked back and rolled your eyes then looked back at him. you waved your hand at him with a smile, “well bye, shinsou. thanks again” and closed the door. 

shinsou exhaled a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding, looking at the closed door. he then walked away though his eyes were going to the door again and again until he couldn’t see it anymore. he looked at his hand and saw a piece of paper inside the bundle of money. 

with furrowed brows, he opened the folded paper and he was floored! 

hi shinsou! call me sometime! :)

xxx-xxxxxxx

-(y/n) 

okay, maybe being a delivery boy isn’t so bad after all. he got your number didn’t he? talk about lucky! 

extra crack ending: when you and shinsou are finally dating

(y/n): so... are we really not gonna talk about the post that you liked in my ig?

shinsou: you knew?! 

(y/n): duh bitch.

[butterfly--empress]

So About BnHA…

Man! I don’t participate much on here but it sure has been an interesting popcorn eating time, lurking through the good, the bad, and the annoying posts in the spoiler chapter tags. For this week’s chapter, especially!

Not gonna rant (I save those for close friends on discord) 

I do notice that lines within this crazy ass fandom have been drawn, tears have been shed and righteous fury has been felt. And no matter wtf Mister Horikoshi has in stored for chapter 320, it’s going to be a make or break chapter for a lot of folks. I did try my best to keep this post Bakugou neutral grounds. I don’t think I’ve bashed nor favored the character just fyi.

But the most inconspicuous opinions can be taken too serious these days…

The Silly:

For chapter 320 onwards, I am and have ALWAYS BEEN 100% Team: The Legend, The Myth, The Champ, Izuku ‘Feral!Rabbit-Cryptid!’ Midoriya! Win or Lose, I ride or die with Midoriya, hands down! ON GOD!

While everybody yelling into the tumblr void over whose gonna win or lose.

I’m sitting here thinking about two things: A) Has no one thought that maybe some of Class 1-A might side with Deku? *coughsUraraka/Iida/Todorokicoughs* *coughsmaybeevenMineta/Asui/Yaoyorozu???coughs* *coughs maybe even a surprise Shinsou/class1-b reveal even though class 1-b don’t know deku that well* B) Did everyone forget in all the excitement that uhh my boi has yet to unlock the 2nd OFA user’s quirk???

I mean, I’m not saying if it does come down to a bawl of drama and angst, that Izuku’s gonna win.

But I am saying, if it does come down to a bawl of drama and angst, that Izuku’s gonna win…I regret nothing with this bet! If my boi loses we just gonna take that L but…ya know…*shrugs*…Baby, beat their Bakugou’s collective asses.

The Serious:

Personally, I honest to god really love this shounen series with all my heart. It is the anime that reignited my love for shounen after my fatigued of constant disappointment with two old shounen favorites. 

Now, having said all that: I truly have not had a serious issue with the writing choices made by Horikoshi. Yes, I have my…gripes…(it’s complicated) but considering what I got compared to the stuff I’ve watched/read in the past, it’s definitely better to me. Having read/watched a lot of anime/manga and shounen, (I haven’t watched them ALL, srsly after my great disappointment and real life I sort of had an anime dry spell if you must know. Watched some stuff here and there when I could/in the mood but not as frequent as I’ve done like yrs ago), I’ve come to learn to just…begrudgingly accept/expect certain; I suppose you can say, writing choices or ‘tropes’ that I can just easily ignore them, roll my eyes when I see them, and still enjoy whatever I’m invested in at the time. 

The only real frustrations I have is with a certain character. Yes, I mean Bakugou. I have come to tolerate him, I have come to begrudgingly like him, especially after a second rewatch of the series, I could see and accept that in a very typical shounen way, Bakugou did change, though very little, and it’s subtle and undeniably frustrating how it’s happening but it’s there. However, I do question Horikoshi’s writing choices when it comes to him at times. I see the character development, I know it’s there but….*sighs*

Now I’m one of these people who do believe that the creator of this universe, actually knows wtf he’s doing with his own story (even if rabid/hormonal younger fans loudly disagree but YMMV). One thing I’ve noticed, for the most part, he doesn’t just write/draw things for the hell of it, even if a certain plot or a certain character’s development takes a snail’s pace to get to the point. The conclusion of building up to arcs do have a pay off. (And I 100% understand that for some people, moving at a snail’s pace just don’t cut it. Everything cannot please everybody all of the time and that is FINE!)

Katsuki Bakugou…I know the crumbs and very subtle ways he’s changed have to lead somewhere and to something huge. When Bakugou admits to All Might he bullied Midoriya when they were kids, I had an ‘ah ha!’ Moment. The fact that a very prideful guy like Bakugou was finally starting to admit just that much, (even though, we the audience knows it runs way deeper than he’s admitting here) even in his frustrating roundabout way I like to think this is progress, is very in-character and cannot just be for the hell of it. It has to be leading up to something else other than Bakugou jumping in to take that hit for Deku during the war arc. There is unresolved tension still between Bakugou and Midoriya that is not going to just go away because they will it to.

Which brings us to Chapters 318 and especially 319. It’s the perfect set up for all the dirty skeletons to come out of the closet that both Bakugou and Midoriya have been avoiding/trying to pretend doesn’t exists between them, because it’s been a long time coming. The honest to god truth? This is actually how I always thought this confrontation will go, with a showdown that forces Midoriya into a corner where all those repressed negative feelings he’s bottled up inside is bound to come out; Because I Honestly think Izuku would take what Bakugou’s done to him to his grave if he had it, his way. (Boy can be very frustratingly stubborn when he wants to be).

It’s just, after saying all this, I don’t hold my breath that Horikoshi will take it there…The opportunity is there, I want it to go there, it NEEDS to go there! In order for both characters to come out for the better. But will Mister Horikoshi ‘DO THE THING?’

Remains to be seen. A little bit of me is hopeful, another part of me is resigning myself to feeling dissatisfied with what little we got for Bakugou’s character development and by proxy, Izuku’s getting stuck in limbo. I’m not kidding, Bakugou being a very contentious character within this fandom doesn’t just come from nowhere. But this post isn’t about me ranting into the void about Bakugou. (I don’t even think I can muster up the rage I felt the first time watching MHA blindly to rant to high hell about the bullshit Bakugou’s done now.)

I suppose I will just have to internally scream for 1,000 yrs over half baked character development if Horikoshi doesn’t do the FUCKING THING in giving a satisfying pay off to Katsuki and Midoriya’s history. I’ll just frustratingly chalk it up to old freaking shounen logic and just continue to enjoy the series because I’ve been here for Izuku Midoriya since ep 1 and I am not about to let Bakugou or Horikoshi’s unwillingness to do something with him derail that. And there’s always hoping that someone is writing some really good Bakugou gets actual Consequences fanfic out there because ooh boy…I like Bakugou but mofo can catch these hands…and I’m not even a fighter, but Bakugou…this lil shit does make you want to choke the hell out of him at times. 

I haven’t been this emotionally frustrated over an anime character since…maybe fucking Louise from Zero no Tsukaima and it takes a LOT to make me actually dislike characters, good or bad. 

All in All: Regardless of how the story goes from here on out, we are all about to lose our collective shits. No matter how you feel about which characters…

It’s about to go down!