#me rambling coherently so it's not written in a descriptive way

[arvoze]

[3/3] HHNFLARTAS - what's done is done

hell hath no fury like a rescue team association scorned not a fic or anything, i just ramble a lot about my pmd ocs in a digestible format that's more or less that kind of content. random yearly event for rescue teams. covers no more than like, one week of VV content

[ 1 / 2 / X ]

the rescue team association #1, again

there comes a point where it gets complicated. the RTA can't let you pass just because you completed their challenges -- you could cheat to win, and that wouldn't be reliable, after all. there's a million and one technicalities to consider.

yes, keith's team saved the rescue, who came back safe and unharmed. they also secured the item at the end of the dungeon. so what gives?

you never split the team. the rescue takes priority.

but they did the rescue. does it really matter? you can't just go off of stuff like this. there's specifics to it. it's a case-by-case basis.

both parties are right, in their own way. it's not a black and white case.

..

in the RTA's defense, they aren't wrong. you've got to consider how their actions would come across out of context.

a rescue has been secured. a member has split from their team, taking the rescue with them.

they split from the team. this puts them in immediate danger. they also have the rescue with them, so they're endangering the rescue as well.

if the solo member is incapacitated, the rescue is at incredible risk. the member is also at risk.

team splits can cause multiple problems to arise at once. it may also be seen as a disagreement.

extreme measures had to be taken to ensure the remaining members completed their goal.

the usage of a flood orb is not commonplace. team inventory will not always have this item available. it cannot be considered a reliable solution to a problem.

relying entirely on one item makes you a liability. it can be considered an easy way out.

the monster house was not fully defeated, simply temporarily disposed of. if the orb failed to work, the team would not have survived.

if the rescue was there, they could have been swept up in the confusion.

their general behaviour may be seen as too immature and unreliable.

this only checks out if they're monitored during their dungeon run. the three have a lot of chemistry with eachother, and have a lot of banter together. when you're unaware of how they talk to eachother, it can be seen as constant bickering and arguing.

regardless of how seriously they take the job when it's required (since they don't really like to be tense the whole way through), they have lapses of silliness and tomfoolery. this is because the RTA is incredibly boring and hate fun.

they barely even survived. let's be honest.

this is self-explanatory.

the rescue team association #2

in the defence of keith's team, you'd have to consider the following:

a rescue has been secured. mike has split from the team, taking the rescue with him.

he split from the team, a mutual agreement between all three members. they decided that this was the best way to get the rescue to safety. mike is strong and fast enough to get the rescue out of the dungeon with his remaining energy.

mike didn't become incapacitated. and if he was close to such, he can take matters into his own hands to really save his skin, and, more importantly, the rescue.

there was no disagreement, and mike was going backwards. he wasn't taking any new paths and discovering new things/triggering events. he was simply backtracking, taking the safest routes.

the rescue plant, an undetermined pokemon of undetermined rescue knowledge, agrees that this was the best decision to make given the circumstances.

extreme measures had to be taken to ensure keith's team could complete their goal.

this is because luwel prepared for the worst. when you plan for a rescue, you already know what kind of environment to expect, so you prepare thusly; this is no different. if it were a real job, and keith's team were the only pokemon available, it would be the exact same -- luwel would prepare the very same items as he did for this adventure.

they had the flood orb, which meant it was available to them at the time. a problem was predicted, planned for, and then solved. this is how it should be.

keith's team did not rely on a singular item. instead, luwel took the time into planning out the right items to carry with them, getting a rough estimate on the dungeon size and how difficult the job would be. to say the item is the sole reason they survived is to completely undermine luwel's ability to plan ahead.

a monster house does not have to be defeated in order for either goal to be met. if a third task was to defeat a monster house, then this would apply. but this was not the case, so it does not.

the rescue would have been accounted for. keith's team will make quick decisions, but they will never forgo the rescue to make them. the rescue, had they been present in the room at the time of the orb's use, would have been given a heads-up, and the team would take the initiative to keep the rescue safe before using the orb. additionally, the rescue was not even there at the time.

keith's team communicate with eachother frequently, including having light conversation, as well as constructive discussions about eachother.

sorry that you're too unfamiliar with a good relationship to understand their dynamic. the rescue would state that despite the circumstances, they did feel that keith's team had great communication. this is a non-issue, and exists just to make the cause for failure bigger than it actually was.

there's a lot of back-and-forths. guildmaster rime is not happy with the results.

the rescue team association #3

truth be told, there's… really not a lot that the team can do about the situation. what's done is done. they can fight their case if they really wanted to, but it's just resources wasted. as far as they're aware, at least.

guildmaster rime has always been in keith's team's ballpark. hell, keith is like a son to him, he is a son to him -- keith's going to inherit his guild, for goodness sakes! how can rime be succeeded by someone who failed the master trials for no real good reason? it won't do. it just won't do. the guildmaster is typically in agreement with the RTA when it comes to grading, as a seasoned explorer himself -- but to not consider keith's case? to fault them on technicalities alone? it's not right. it isn't fucking right. he'll do something about it. or at least, try to.

as a guildmaster, rime has some form of contact with the RTA. it's a required system in order to have a guild be truly recognised in the world, and additionally mandatory for any teams to earn ranking points. he drops a line of inquiry into the guild's connection orb, but there's been no response for several days. despite his grievances with the system, rime knows better than to push.

..

the boys have already forgotten about it, for the most part. they're discouraged, but they know in their hearts what they truly are: a good team who did the right thing. keith tries to distract himself by ranting and raving about the process of getting another flood orb. luwel's been trying to distract himself by writing up varying arguments to plead their case, which isn't really a distraction at all. mike is… unbothered. he cares, but doesn't have enough faith in the system, and settles more on the idea of "we know our truth and that's that, if they can't see it that's on them". every time luwel brings up a possible counter-point, mike gives him a thwap on the head. "best to keep it to yourself," mike says. "i dunno if keith can take it".

they cross paths with team PB&J occasionally, who, against all odds, ranked in the top 100. keith would say it was a total fluke that they did, and truthfully, he's right. it pisses him off further.

..

it's been about a week. the RTA responded to rime, after sending a rotom drone or two out to survey the boys. none of them noticed. nothing really fun or exciting to report on. the drones were simply just monitoring their day-to-day, to see how they've decided to take the results. it's invasive, and certainly not something they consented to, but the RTA can do whatever they want if you more or less work for them. thankfully, they do not find luwel's musings, as he gave up before the first surveillance.

rime's call is short-lived. there's not much to say, according to the RTA. the final findings were, essentially, "agree to disagree". they'd argued that because the case wasn't black and white, a true, rightful verdict couldn't be settled on; this uncertainty meant it was safer to fail keith's team than it was to pass them.

nobody had the desire to combat the RTA of all people about the decision any further. failing due to just barely missing the mark was better than failing due to sheer ineptitude, which lead to some sort of small victory for the team in the end. at least we aren't total failures, i guess, keith would think to himself.

not that they'd expected things to go their way. they knew that by now.

..

end.

[alexanderwales]

Review: The Case of the Sleeping Beauties

The Case of the Sleeping Beauties is a novella that I wrote back in 2015. Ambitiously subtitled "a Utah Sinclair mystery", it did not make any significant splash. It's got 67 lifetime sales, a 3.8 rating, and a single proper review. Some of this is simply a lack of marketing: back in 2015 I had written some fanfic and not much else, and was still working as a software engineer. I'm not sure why I wrote this novella, or decided to put it up for pay (unlike virtually everything else I've written, it's never once been up for free), but I consider it an abject failure, at least as far as writing for money goes. Also the cover sucks. The whole thing is 20,000 words, so short enough that I can easily blow through it in an afternoon. Also (still) available in EPUB, MOBI, and PDF for patrons, but I don't have firm numbers for how many people read it that way, nor if it did anything to encourage patronage.

But is it an artistic failure as well?

There is actually another Utah Sinclair mystery, it was intended as a trilogy of novellas that together would be long enough (and coherent enough) to stitch into a full book with the three cases being individual "acts". I don't know the last time I reread The Case of the Sleeping Beauties, but my guess is that it was while I was trying to complete The Case of the Slaughterhouse Prophet, and that would have been almost a decade ago.

The story was written at a time when I was playing Malifaux, a skirmish game, and is clearly heavily inspired by that, though with the serial numbers filed off. It follows Utah Sinclair, a private detective of the yonside as he wanders around a rambling city trying to figure out where undead prostitutes are coming from.

Mild spoilers follow.

Prose

The first thing I noticed is just how much noir it's channeling, and how much is being put into descriptive phrases. Stuff like this:

The first human through the portal from earthside had found himself on the outskirts of an empty city, one that seemed like it had been cobbled together by an orgy of deranged architects.

Or this:

There were a few maps of Cathopolis, but they only agreed on the areas that the Priz maintained control over. Everywhere else was a geographical bedlam.

Or this:

He was the sort of person who was waiting to disgorge his thoughts, like a mother bird ready to feed a starving chick.

Or this:

I had a revolver strapped to my ankle, one affectionately advertised in the back of the penny dreadfuls as the Silent Witness. It was supposed to be a subtle weapon, but it was still a gun, and if I’d paid chits for it instead of pulling it off a dead man I might have written a nasty letter to the manufacturer about its supposed silence.

Or this:

It took me a moment to realize it, but he was dressed up like a Catholic priest, all in black with a white collar. Even if he’d been standing in the middle of the Vatican with the Pope vouching for him, it wouldn’t have been convincing. Partly it was the scars on his face, but it was also the head that had been shaved with a secondhand blade. The snub-nosed shotgun at his side didn’t help matters either.

I assume that this is channeling Raymond Chandler, since I read a lot of detective fiction when I was a teenager (my dad had loads of the stuff) and Chandler was always a favorite. I think the density of these flourishes could be higher, and if you're going with this style, it's better that it's liberally peppered in. You don't want to sink into the rhythm "normal" prose only to have a tiny speck of flourish pop out at you.

There were a lot of things that I tightened up while reading, partly because this is the easiest thing in the world when reading in GDocs, but I don't know that I'll push a change to the ebook, partly because I would need to figure out how. Most of these changes are fairly minor. There's an overuse of semicolons, which I think I was in love with at the time, a romance that hasn't lasted. There are a few minor tweaks that are just on the order of "no, the phrase 'mechanical fingers' might be misread as poetic, it should reworded to be clear that these are prosthetic". A few of the tweaks are just to reduce down how much text there is, making it more punchy, so "the Priz didn't tax any property that a person might want to claim in this part of the city" becomes "the Priz didn't tax property in this part of the city", and this is essentially inarguably better, tighter, cleaner prose.

Also I fixed some typos, and those do make me feel like I need to figure out the reupload.

Character

I think I've gotten better at character voices through the years, but here I kind of doubt myself, since everything seems fine in that regard. Utah and his partner Ralph don't talk enough early on in my opinion, and there might be a few too many characters introduced in rapid succession, which is a problem when they're not advancing the plot. Cyanide Sally is a bartender who owns the House of Skulls, and she serves a bitter almond special that's (supposedly) fatally poisoned one time in every hundred, and this is very fun ... but it's irrelevant to the plot, it's just fun for the sake of fun.

I do think that Ralph gets speaking lines a bit too late, given that he's the second main character. My advice to my past self would be that he should be getting characterizing dialogue from the word go, and that this central relationship should be better understood by the reader much earlier. And they should be more distinct from each other: the orthogonality thesis is that every set of characters should only overlap where there's something interesting to say with that overlap. Cover up the names and see if you can tell who said what line! This does not work for Ralph and Utah, but I think it does work for most of the other characters. And I guess I wouldn't say this is fatal, since it's not like there's some grounding character arc between our detective and his sidekick.

Utah himself is ... fine. Some of his characterization comes through in the narration, and there were a few moments I particularly liked from him, but I'm not sure that I could sketch him out in a sentence. He's down on his luck, loves to break rules, lies through his teeth, scrambles around and gets back up from the hard punches. I'm not sure that this is enough. A job should be more than a job, I guess, and I do get the sense that he's skeeved out by the necromancy, but ... well, that brings us to the other thing.

Theme

This is, if you squint, or maybe even if you don't, a cop story about sex work. It also kind of doesn't have that much to say about either of those things.

Utah is a private detective, doling out justice for people who can pay him. In real life, private detectives come in a variety of flavors, but one of the most common is just the pursuit of things that are not actually criminal issues, like breach of contract, or adultery. This is a criminal issue within their world, but it's one that no one in power is pursuing. There's some clear contempt for the regular cops from Utah, and some further contempt for the law itself, since he breaks all kinds of laws in this lawless world, including murdering two men, which doesn't greatly affect him. This is self-defense, but still. I don't think there's some great thesis on criminality or justice here, and the novella overall is justice-neutral, seemingly unconcerned with what's right or wrong, only trying to work the problem. This is maybe fine?

And the sex work stuff is seen through the lens of Utah, and this is also seen as maybe being just morally neutral in a matter-of-fact way, something that people do in order to get by, no different from working in a coal mine or whatever. And there's exploitation, but that's no different from working in a coal mine. So I think this story has a viewpoint, but not a thesis.

Does a story need a thesis? Does a little novella like this need to have something to say about the world and the people in it? I don't know, I guess not, but I sure do prefer when there's something to grab onto. I am a sucker for story structure though, and a nice little character arc, and this piece ... does not really have that. Utah is challenged, but he's not challenged to his core, and does not grow and change, and this probably fine for a 20k word novella.

I think in the end it's more of a "wouldn't it be fucked up" kind of story, and in this case I don't particularly like that, since it's not fucked up enough.

Ideas

One of the other things that I look for in any story is cool ideas, and this is one of the things that I like most about reading long ago pieces, because sometimes I've forgotten those ideas.

The idea density is okay, but I would have liked to see more. A weird fiction setting is a playground for ideas, and I feel like especially in the back half, there's just not enough playing going on. It is only 20k words, but that feels like it's enough for easily twice as many little fucked up weird things. So that's what I would do, include more fucked up weird things. (The part where they go to the manor is the one that stands out clearly to me as needing more fucked up weird things, there should have been some kind of magic sculpture there or a steampunk maid or something.)

Of all the stuff that I had forgotten about, my favorite was the necromancy lobbyist, a guy who just really believed that necromancy should be legal, but was supposedly not a necromancer himself. So he's just talking about like regulatory schemes and social mores, and this is funny. I'm glad he wasn't a bad guy in the end, for some reason I thought he was going to be involved in the plot in a more critical way. Instead, he's just a happy little academic.

Conclusion

Fun to reread, and no, I would say not an artistic failure. Definitely feels like it wants a second mystery to follow after it. I believe The Case of the Slaughterhouse Prophet is approximately half written, which with editing work means only a quarter written, but again, the numbers mean that there's just no way that I can justify that as anything but a labor of love.

I wouldn't say that this is the best thing I've ever written, but I think it compares favorably to the other mid-length stuff. Definitely would have been stronger with a thematic core, and with more cohesion between protagonist and plot, but I also think that's fine.

I guess, having read it after nearly a decade, I'm feeling weirdly defensive about it for no particular reason. It might have been one thing if it had just not sold, that's partly just down to the lack of marketing and also the market for novellas being bad. But it also scored poorly in terms of ratings, and on top of that, never got enough reviews for me to get a picture of what was not hitting right, which leaves me grappling in the dark.

So I'd say that I learned approximately nothing from this, except that I had some more ideas for a Weird West kind of story, if I ever end up writing one of those.

[bluegekk0]

Alr, Anon from prior, Allow me to elaborate.

1:

The reason I questioned PK and WL breaking up was because it seemed "Out of place", for lack of better word, It didn't seem like they were going to break up, WL still loves PK, and PK (in this au at least) seems patient enough to help someone find better ways to grieve, so it doesn't make sense (from my pov, obviously), for him to leave someone over something as simple as how she handles the death of her children, If you really wanted a good, in character reason for them to break up on good terms, you could also just say her mental instability became too much for him, and he left her bc he didn't want to play doctor anymore.

2:

I did not know you intended this au to be a comfort space, Mostly because the whole "He went into sleep, Got beat up by his kid, and his wife left him" thing doesn't make it obvious, so sorry.

and 3:

did not intend him to be a joke character?

Could have fooled me, It seems like the only content that is posted for the au to establish any kind of storyline is either indulgent palegrimm stuff, Memes, Or somewhat descriptive images.

In short, While I hold no blame on you for what you choose to post, this is what happens when one claims something to be serious, but doesn't necessarily treat something like it is serious.

Also, I don't intend the tone nor theme of this to be harsh, Passive aggressive, or criticizing, I just had greatly subverted expectations that somewhat annoyed me, and I enjoy writing long messages, So it wasn't difficult to make.

alright. i tried to be as nice as possible, i really did. when i said i don't appreciate those kinds of comments, it was not an invitation to continue to nitpick my au. you have problems with the way i write my character, that's fair. that does not mean i will explain every single issue you have with it or change it to your liking

i will be blunt. this au was not made for you. this is something personal for me. is it perfect? no. i'm not claiming it to be. it's not meant to be perfect. maybe it does not make sense. i'm not a good writer, it's inevitable that it will have holes. i do this for fun, and i share it because people like to see it. i do not want to "establish a storyline" in a sophisticated manner that is coherent and professional. i'm simply sharing art and ramblings about the characters i love that mean a lot to me. if you're looking for a well written narrative that always takes itself seriously, you're in the wrong place. you are free to scroll past my stuff. you are free to block my blog if it bothers you. i won't hold it against you

this is the last time i will respond to this. i do not wish to turn this into a drama and a bigger deal than it is. let's be respectful to each other and just move on with our lives. i make silly posts about my au, you have your own expectations that were not met by said posts. it happens. life goes on

[aeolianasio]

there's actually a fair bit on Vordt if you pick through what's available!

i apologize for how rambling this is, it was written in between bouts of academic reading for my exams so it's probably not 100% coherent sorry!

he was a knight of Irithyll, sent to the High Wall of Lothric for two purposes - one, kill any chosen ash that got that far in an effort to protect the Pontiff and his... master? unwitting pawn? really fucked up buddy, Aldrich, and two, to get him out of the way, facilitating the Pontiff's takeover of Irithyll - Vordt was loyal to Gwyndolin, but moreso to the woman who would eventually become the Dancer of the Boreal Valley, who was also a member of Irithyll's royal famlily, being descended assumedly from the gods - he was said to never be far from her, according to his soul description, if i remember correctly. either way, the Pontiff didn't believe he could be turned against them - and according to the Dancer's soul description, the outrider knights were more or less exiled, given tasks far away from Irithyll, to be replaced instead by the Pontiff's own knights as part of his consolidation of power

to prevent the threat of Vordt - or any of the other Outrider knights -returning once removed from the city, the Pontiff gave him one of the rings made from his own eyes, which twist the user into monsters, under the guise of a gift - resulting in him losing his mind and regressing into the bestial state we encounter him in.

anyway, long story short, pontiff takes over, feeds Gwyndolin, last god of Anor Londo, to Aldrich, forces the Dancer to become, well, the Dancer before getting tired of her and banishing her to the High Wall in turn, with a ring of her own - potentially in an effort to protect Lothric after Lorien was crippled in his fight with the Demon Prince, but that's just idle speculation.

and now Vordt just... waits. he's been told to guard the gates, so he does, whether he remembers that order or not.

he's lost everything. the city he swore to protect is under the rule of a despotic tyrant. his god has been fed to an abomination prophesising the end of days. the woman he loves - platonically or romantically - has been turned into a thing just as monstrous as himself, and is located *less than a hundred metres away from him*

do they even remember each other? i kind of hope they don't.

he's the first mark of the Pontiff's influence upon the world you encounter. he's an archetypal dark souls boss, a ruined knight brought low by corruption. he's a reminder of the miserable state of the world. he's hinting at the existence of the Dancer, and how she's going to beat the crap out of you in about ten hours. he's a man in full plate armour who moves like a pitbull and runs into walls a lot. i am running out of clever things to say.

anyway. i really need to play Lies of P once i finish AC6. i hope this changes your mind a little on Vordt and his role in the game and its narrative, being a really effective retroactive emotional gut punch for me personally, but i totally get it if not - i'm just sort of rambling.

so lies of p is a really good game in the soulslike genre

i am struck immensely by the approach neowiz (the development studio behind lies of p) takes with its story telling. while prolific with item descriptions that give hints as to what horrible events went down in the setting (a la dark souls) it also has numerous in-world pieces of writing, by in-world writers. critics. fathers. children.

letters to family, letters to warn off strangers, cryptic notes (obv), advertising flyers, landmark information for tourist reviews, it's there! its information in the game about the world made BY the people in the world! and its not vague as shit! i feel more for the Scrapped Watchman than i ever could for Vordt of the Boreal Valley or most any other boss in Dark Souls 3.

Vordt here is the prime comparison to the Scrapped Watchman I feel. Each is an appropriately early boss, required for progress, who is large, wild, and inflicts a status ailment heavily in their second phase.

The most I can surmise from Vordt (from multiple item descriptions) is that he was sent as an outrider from Irithyll by Pontiff Sulyvahn, sent to Lothric to do... something. Stop undead? Block pilgrims? Couldn't tell you. But he WAS sent to kill. And that's about it. Who Vordt was before he was a monster is unknown. All he has ever been to DS3 was a boss to be fought. Even his unique weapon gives no information about it's wielder. Lame.

The Scrapped Watchman, on the other hand, hoo buddy. I felt bad after that fight. The amount of information you can find in the area leading up to him gives you a clear idea of who they were, what they did, and who in the community cared about them, before everything went wrong. (being vague on purpose here)

suffice to say, lies of p rewards exploration of its world with more information about its world, in a way that is really satisfying, compared to the slow drip-feed that dark souls games likes to give. its very refreshing. play lies of p.

[streets-in-paradise]

Relaxing Amazement - Andy Barclay x (Fem) Reader

Requested by @yesiscandyskiller​ 

​“ How about Reader x Andy relaxing at home after canceling some stressful plans, which is a relief with them both dealing with anxiety.”

( This is one of the first Andy requests i ever got and I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it. I’m negecting some obligations just because I couldn’t stop writing and I’m happy about it lol. It was going to be longer, I had more ideas in mind, but had to stop here to not get too behind with my things. If i find time to keep going later I may drop a continuation.) 

Masterlist

Warnings: No proofreading, flirting and some sexy teasing (not smut, just teasing), happy couple being fluffy and silly when in love.  

Summary: You surprise Andy with the late hour cancelation of a stressfull plan that was occupying your minds too intensely. Seeking for some home relax instead, you start to fool arround with your boyfriend just for a chance to see him smile again. 

Notes: I try to do my best to avoid physical descriptions, but there may be accidental implications of the reader being plus sized that are there just because I took my body as reference when writing. It’s not important to the plot, just happened because i was too self inmersed in the writting. However, this is written in a way that makes it easy to be ignored. 

Tags: @losersclubisms​ ( I wrote this under the influence of the high left on me by your Andy x OC fic, part of how this turned out is your fault.) ​

That cursed family gathering was on your minds all week. It wasn’t like you hated all your extended family, but the environment it was able to create was not the best for yours or your boyfriend’s mental health. Meeting your parents has been hard for Andy, introducing him to a lot of new relatives all at once was going to be a nightmare to both of you. Your godmother was coming and you knew she had a tendency of being very critical of everything in your life, negatively comparing you since childhood to her own daughter. The man who stole your heart was not going to be an exception, she would make him a victim of her sharp tongue and its prideful commentary about her son in law. 

Despite being the most wonderful man you ever meet, Andy was deeply misunderstood by the outside world unaware of Chucky’s existence. People would be asking tons of questions and there was no way for him to answer without sounding like a weirdo, his strong awareness of that was worrying him to the core and you felt terrible because of the new distress brought to him. For so, you have been rehearsing together an entire set of lies that you would follow for them into a coherent made up story of how you meet and what was he doing with his life. The planning was becoming increasingly stressful because the overthinking was mutual. You would sometimes get lost together on minuscule details that didn’t really matter under a ‘ but what if they ask about that?’ paranoia that would end up angering you and frustrating you. As the days would pass you would realize it was not even worthy, most of the people that were going to be present were the distant family that wasn’t really part of your life because you would only see them once or twice a year. 

The final resolution you took was canceling the plans, using your creative liar's will to create a pretext to stay at home, but you didn’t tell Andy immediately because you wanted to surprise him. The hellish week you made him spend worrying about that social situation was worth a good compensation. Some relaxing amazement was going to suit him wonderfully, so you invented an excuse to get him out of the house for a while meanwhile you did the canceling call. Your poor tormented boyfriend forgot the house keys when he rushed out, stressed over doing everything good, so you had to open the door for him on the return. 

Andy’s burnout was such that he began to ramble out loud across the other side of the door. 

“... The bakery was about to close, they didn’t have much and I couldn’t find what you wanted so had to improvise the choice with what they had at this hour.” He lamented, trying to remind himself to decelerate his breathing. “ That’s my luck, my shitty luck! “ 

You felt so sorry for the little trick you pulled on him, but it was needed so the surprise would be better. 

“ Calm down, honey. It 's alright.” 

Hearing your tranquilizing voice was like a call back to earth, but he wasn’t ready for the pleasant confusion he had at the sight of you. Careless about everything, you were in a casual indoor look. He found you dressed in just a tight fitting tank top, old enough that your belly button was peeking out despite the fabric should be covering it, and very revealing jean shorts. 

His mind got circumstantially blurry because he found it sexy. 

“ Babe, shouldn’t you be getting all dolled up to leave?” Andy asked, so distracted that he ignored the awful phrasing for an instant. “ … Fuck, pun unintended.” 

You smirked as his eyes were feasting in your image. 

“ That one is not that bad.” You added, allowing him to follow you inside in that state of visual trance. “ I would love to be your Barbie doll, they come in all shapes and sizes now.” 

Andy felt that tease to the deepest core of his being, seriously wondering how you made it work. 

“ Seriously? Do you wanna be the one doll that is truly gonna be the death of me?” 

“ I want to fill you with love for being such a wonderful boyfriend, so patient with all the shit that has been going on this week.” 

He was about to reply, but ended up delayed because he was staring from a different angle. 

“ The pressure is killing me, not gonna lie.” 

You chuckled to the confession and, while following your trace, he noticed that the door of your shared bedroom was closed. You may be up to something, but things weren’t clear for him at that point.

“ No more games, pretty doll. You know we don’t have time.” 

Your sweet but slightly devilish giggling to that affirmation was driving him insane. 

“ Who says we don’t? I called with my best impersonation of a flu voice and got us out.” Was the mischievous confession that you purred with pride. “ I’m all yours to play.” 

The relief he felt was great as the distraction you were providing. 

“ How the fuck can you make that sound so good? My brain is wired to hate it, but you take it and it works.. It freaking works!” 

“ I was just following your lead.” You innocently declared, getting closer before you could start a little game of ‘ who is more desperate to caress who?’ “ About our plans and what we were supposed to do, I just canceled because it was driving us mad. I would rather stay comfy at home with you, try to relax. We need some of that.” 

“ Hell, we do.” Andy purred with satisfaction, sneaking his hands to the sides of your hips. “ How do you want to start?” 

“ Not with what you are thinking of.” You teased him, enjoying a bit of the short groan that answer got from him. “ We’ll get to that, but first I want to romance you.” 

He chuckled under his breath and you took it away with a kiss, only to later deliver one last naughty mock. 

“ You know? If you ever wanna try turning all that wrong into something that feels good, let me know. I’m here for you… and I have a pink Barbie shirt. With pink panties to match I can be your pretty doll.” 

Andy looked amazed, but not by the reasons you thought. 

“ Is there a limit to what you would do for me? How much weirdness are you up to allow just so I would be happy?” 

The challenging light in your eyes spoke for you, but you still felt the need to talk.

“ Do you really wanna find out?” 

Grabbing him by the shirt, you stamped another kiss on his lips and proceeded to allow your dorkiness escalate singing your answer in whispers close to his ear. 

“ Oh, pretty baby. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do.” 

He bursted into laughter, unable to do anything else. 

“ ‘Baby One More Time’ ? Is that your definition of romance?” 

“ I made you laugh and that’s all I care about. I can humiliate myself even more to get that.” You defended yourself. “ Besides, Britney works just fine sometimes. Think about it: everyone in the 90’s was convinced that she was a living Barbie AND my love for you is so strong that it turns me into a teen girl who just got a crush that no other can compare to.” 

Andy was smiling, his cheeks had an adorable shade of pink that was nothing but growing blush. 

“ Really? Do you still get excited like that when you see me?” 

“ If everyone would love you like I do, you would have been elected President of the United States.” 

He kissed you that time, happily overwhelmed by your love and totally living for it. Not like he could have possibly imagined the start of the rest of the night was going to be you performing a bubblegum pop song, moving around your living room and singing the lyrics out loud. The only context in which Andy could have seen himself joining such dorky shit was drunk at a karaoke, yet there he was, melting a little bit to your ‘ oh, pretty baby. The reason I breath is you’ 

If Freddy Krueger could have sent Chucky a nightmare to fight in, the scene you were creating was pretty close to how the start of it could be like. Andy Barclay enjoying life, being loved by someone who was showing their affection in the cheesiest way. It would be painfull to watch by his criteria of how fluffy dumb it was and, to make it even worse, there was some Britney on it. 

A sober but unaware Andy Barclay, as blissfully unaware as you, was singing along to the chorus of Baby One More Time in a dorky duet and that was all on you. He didn’t mind being silly, he would never refuse any of your efforts to bring a smile out of him. 

He may have not been drunk on booze, but you had your ways to get him drunk on happiness. 

[lifeofkaze]

Hi love!

Sorry for bothering you, but could you do something like really cute and fluffy between Charlie Weasley and reader where he's all shy and delicate maybe teaching her about dragons and their characteristics pls? Like, something that feels really intimate, you know?

I absolutely love your writing and I believe that you could make justice to the character.

Take care darling,

-A

Thank you for the request, loveliest anon! This is actually the first fic request I’ve ever gotten and I’m so happy you like my stuff so much, this makes me very very soft.

This fluff piece was just what I needed to get my mojo back hopefully. Please let me know if this is like what you had in mind - I for one had a lot of fun with it! <3

***

Favourites

Charlie Weasley x Reader

Word Count: ~ 2.800

As a Care of Magical Creatures test covering dragons of all things is imminent and you were too distracted in class to pay proper attention, you know just who to turn to for help.

“You want me to do what?”

Charlie Weasley blinked at you in confusion. He could feel his blood rushing in his ears as he looked at you standing in front of him, clutching you Care for Magical Creatures book to your chest as you raised your eyebrows at him.

“I asked if you could help me studying for the test next week?” you repeated your question, brow slightly furrowed. “I can’t keep track of all these dragon traits and who would know them better than you?”

Charlie felt the heat creeping up on his face. Of course, the test. It was all he had been able to think about ever since Professor Kettleburn had announced the topic; all except you of course.

He tried to formulate a coherent answer that wouldn’t make him look like a blabbering fool in front of you, but the way the dappled sunlight that broke through the trees reflected in your hair distracted him more than he cared to admit.

So he resorted to a weak nod. “Uhm, sure, I’d love to. See you at six in the library?” he managed to stammer out eventually.

A beautiful smile formed on your face as you nodded in enthusiasm. “Sounds great, see you there!”

Charlie watched as you swished around and walked back to your friends, who greeted you with giggles and whispers as they glanced in his direction. You gave one of them a playful swat on the arm, before your clear laugh carried over to him onto the warm summer air and made his heart clench.

He knew all of his dragons by heart, of course he did; this test was the first he hadn’t bothered studying for at all. But now, he suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to prepare himself.

 *

The light of the sun had already started to turn into the beautiful golden shade that heralded the end of a warm autumn day as you skittered into the library. You were a little bit late for your study session with Charlie, and the exertion from running all the way from your Common Room flushed your cheeks slightly red. Your friends just hadn’t let you go, all of them just as excited for what they called ‘your dragon date’ as you were. Not that you’d ever tell them that.

You found Charlie sitting at a table near the windows and your breath caught for a moment as you took in the warm light that washed around his frame; it was making his ginger hair glow like fire, the only vibrant speck of colour in this dusty old room full of books.

He had his nose buried in a big, leather-bound tome, his eyes darting over the pages frantically; you noticed how the tip of his tongue stuck out between his lips in concentration. He was so immersed in his reading, that he only noticed you approaching as you sat down next to him. Jumping in shock at your sudden appearance, he almost knocked over his ink bottle, only catching it at the last second before its dark, inky content could wash over the thin pages of his book.

“Oh, you’re here already, I didn’t even notice you until now.” His freckled face had flushed a shade darker than usual as he put his ink bottle back into its position and made room for you on the table.

“I’d rather say I’m here finally,” you responded, feeling a little bit guilty at making Charlie wait. “But I see that you started without me.”

He hurriedly closed the book. “No, I was just reading up on some facts about Welsh Greens so I have them sharp in my mind,” he explained, “in case you have questions, you know?”

It was only now that your eyes took in the numerous heaps of books piled up on your table. “First question,” you said as you ran your fingers over the backs of the tomes stacked on top of each other. “I thought the test was about dragons native to Europe and not every single one in existence,” you pulled out a particularly old looking book containing myths and fables, “and beyond.”

You silently counted the numbers of books Charlie had amassed and your eyes went wide. “Charlie, these must be all the books about dragons in the whole library,” you laughed, giggling at the flustered expression of the boy beside you.

“Well, not all the books,” he clarified sheepishly. “There are quite a few in the Restricted Section and then there’s the two I have up in my dorm but forgot to bring and- “

You cut off his rambling by gently touching his arm; he shut up almost instantly, glancing nervously down to where your hand was lying. “It’s alright, it was just a joke.”

“Of course,” Charlie muttered slightly embarrassed. What was wrong with him?

He watched as you pulled your notes from your bag; they were rather sparse compared to the almost three scrolls of parchment he had scribbled down himself.

“Where do you want to start?”

You hummed to yourself as you considered your choices. A warm, fuzzy feeling spread inside Charlie’s chest as you drew your lips into a pensive pout and tapped your index finger against it.

Finally, a neat stack of white flashcards, that lay hidden behind a book on Sea Serpents, caught your attention. You reached over Charlie and pulled them towards you.

Your mouth dropped open as you flicked through them; on every one of the laminated cards was an extensive profile of every kind of dragon imaginable. The descriptions were written out in a neat, accurate hand that looked nothing like the careless scrawl you’d seen on Charlie’s class notes.

But what took your breath away were the detailed drawings below the text. They were done by pencil and although they didn’t move like magical pictures often did, they were so lively as if they only waited to pounce off the paper and take into the air.

Charlie watched you apprehensively as your fingers traced the outline of what appeared to be a Swedish Short-snout. He felt his heart beat faster at the soft, admiring look in your eyes as you turned towards him.

“Did you do these yourself?”

He nodded in response. “It’s hard to find decent descriptions all in one place,” he explained quietly. “I don’t know how accurate the sketches are though; I’ve never seen a dragon in real life.”

You flashed him a radiant smile that had his heart rate pick up considerably. “I don’t care if they’re realistic; they’re brilliant!”

Encouraged by your excitement, he took the flashcards out of your hands and fanned them out, their blank backs facing you. “Then I’d suggest we start with them; pick one!”

Running the fingers along the cards twice, you finally settled on one and drew it out of his grasp. Charlie’s freckled face lit up as he saw which one you had chosen.

“The Ukrainian Ironbelly,” he exclaimed, “my favourite!”

All of his former shyness was suddenly forgotten; this was his prime discipline.

“The Ironbelly is native to the Ukraine, as its name suggests, obviously. It’s considered the largest dragon species in existence with an immense wingspan, long talons and scales that are said to be harder to pierce than steel. It’s name stems from the metallic grey colour of his underside and ever since one particular large specimen carried off a whole sailing ship in the late 18th century, they are under strict observation by wizarding authorities.”

You did your best to jot down the information Charlie dumped on you with impressive speed but there was no way you could keep up with his excited ramblings. So you resorted to listening to him as he lectured you about feeding habits, hunting methods and the average temperature of the flames an Ironbelly could produce.

He sighed wistfully as he paused for breath. “They’re amazing.”

You couldn’t hide your smile at his dreamy expression as you picked out your next card from the stack. “Okay, how about this one?”

The dragon it showed had ridges running along its back, ending in a nasty, arrow-shaped spike at the tip of its tail. It barred its teeth at you in a vicious snarl.

“That’s my favourite, the Hebridean Black,” he repeated his words from before, positively bouncing with energy this time around.  

You glanced at the card you two had just worked your way through. “I thought the Ukrainian Ironbelly was your favourite?” you teased him.

Charlie’s bouncing stopped instantly as he blushed bright red; you hadn’t meant to bring him down and felt sorry all of a sudden. So you propped the card against one of the book piles and turned to him.

“So, tell me more about it.”

Relieved to be able to tread on secure ground again, Charlie immediately recounted all the facts about one of the two dragon breeds native to the British Isles to you.

You continued in this fashion; your pulled a random card from the stash and Charlie would tell you everything he knew about it. He grew more animated with every new flashcard; as it turned out, every dragon you talked about was his favourite.

Seeing him so caught up in his favourite subject had a warmth spread in your chest and the smile on your lips never vanished even once. You had given up on writing Charlie’s words down about four cards ago and were merely staring at him explaining to you everything about these fantastic beasts that made up all of his dreams and musings.

His excitement quickly spread to you and you found yourself hanging onto his every word. But the more you were listening to him, the more you found your concentration shift from the dragons you were discussing to the boy beside you.

Your head propped on your hand, you admired how recounting scale colours and preferred environments of Romanian Longhorns brought a twinkle to his blue eyes and how his contagious laugh had you chuckle at the idea that people would confuse a Hungarian Horntail with a Norwegian Ridgeback.

The dimples forming in his freckled cheeks as he smiled at you were the exact reason why you had needed help with studying for this test in the first place. When you had talked about dragons in class, the eager smile and the slight scrunch of his nose as he scribbled down every single word Professor Kettleburn had to spare had left you breathless and unable to concentrate on anything but the butterflies dancing in your stomach.

The pile of flash cards had dwindled down until only a few more were left. Your breath caught in your throat as you turned around your next pick; the pictured showed a slender dragon directly from the front. It’s wings were outstretched and it seemed to be staring directly at you out of wide, pupil-less eyes. It was the only drawing so far that was coloured.

Your finger traced the subtle colour gradient rippling over its pearly scales as Charlie looked over to see which one was next.

“The Antipodean Opaleye,” he murmured, taking in your fascinated expression, “it’s singularly coloured scales and eyes are the stuff of legends.”

“It’s beautiful,” you whispered, trying to imagine how the scales of a real life Opaleye might shimmer in the sunlight.

“Not as beautiful as you,” Charlie suddenly blurted out. The words had fallen from his lips before he’d even had a chance to stop them.

Both of you froze as what he had said sank into your consciousness. You couldn’t believe your ears and were half sure that your mind must have played a trick on you.

You carefully glanced over to Charlie out of the side of your eyes; he looked incredulous and you could watch the colour of his face turning from ghostly white to a deep, vivid scarlet that clashed with his ginger hair in a matter of seconds.

Feeling your own cheeks starting to blush at the unexpected compliment, you desperately were looking for something to say to take the shock out of his widened eyes. But your mind wasn’t working properly anymore, so all you managed was a meek “Wow, uhm, thank you Charlie, that’s really sweet.”

It was apparent your words didn’t help his flustered situation as he covered his face with his hands and groaned “I can’t believe I said that out loud; I’m such an idiot.”

You didn’t know what to do to help him; you felt utterly flattered and confused at the same time. You thought about putting your hand on his arm to reassure him what he had said actually made you happy, but paused halfway, not quite daring to touch him again.

Still unsure of what to do, you got up and picked up one of the books he had used to illustrate the facts on his flashcards.

“I’d better get going, I guess,” you stammered without looking at the wretched boy sitting at the table next to you, “thank you so much for helping me, I think I’ll manage the rest on my own. Can I borrow that book though?”

He didn’t raise his face from his hands, but nodded anyways. You felt bad for leaving him like that, but your head was spinning and you desperately needed to sort out your thoughts.

But seeing Charlie’s slumped frame sitting at the table, all the bubbly excitement from before completely drained from him, tugged at your heartstrings so hard it almost hurt. So instead of turning around and leaving, you drew a deep breath, gathered your courage and stepped behind him, placing a light kiss on his cheek.

You could feel his shoulders tense and his breath hitch as your hair tickled his jaw and were glad he couldn’t see the deep blush on your cheeks as you straightened up, picked up your bag and his book and hurried out of the library with a racing heart, too afraid to turn around once more.

*

Charlie and you hadn’t spoken again after what had happened in the library. It had taken him quite some time to be able to think properly again after you had left; he had just sat at his table, hand on his cheek where you had kissed him, staring into nothingness, the peachy smell of your hair still hanging in the air.

Even though the thought of how soft your lips had felt on your cheek had been the most prominent thing in his mind, he had passed his test with flying colours; some things just couldn’t be erased from his mind, no matter what was happening around him.

He had just returned to his dorm after a particularly tiring Quidditch practise when he saw it lying on his bed, propped up against his head bord; the book you had borrowed from him to finish studying on your own.

For a brief moment, he wondered how you had managed to get it up here, when he noticed something white sticking out of the pages. Curious, he picked up the book and flicked it open.

Even without looking, he knew what chapter it was you had marked with whatever you had put in there; he had read this book more times than he could remember. It was the chapter on the Antipodean Opaleye; he grimaced at the memory of when he had last thought about this particular dragon.

A white flashcard was stuck between the pages, its laminated surface flashing as Charlie turned it around to read it.

A big smile stole onto his face as he saw the photograph of you laughing and waving at him that you had stuck on the front side. His eyes swept over the lines written in your feminine hand and his smile grew even wider as he read the ‘special characteristics’ section:

It has to be remarked, that this particular specimen was able to pass her test with full marks.

He was glad to hear his blurted out compliment hadn’t affected your marks in the end. He sighed wistfully, when he noticed the very small, scribbled note at the very end of the card; it wasn’t as neatly written as the rest, almost as if your hands had shaken while writing it down.

Greatest weakness: While not many weaknesses are recorded of this specimen, it is said that it can be easily tamed by ginger-haired dragon trainers in the making. Whether these rumours are true, remains to be determined.

Charlie’s mouth dropped open as he read the last section over and over again, not daring to believe what he thought they said. But after the tenth time, he finally allowed the butterflies that  had been fluttering in his stomach to spread into the rest of his body, his smile growing into the widest grin as he tucked the flashcard carefully into the book again.

This time, he was sure; this one was his favourite.

  Tagging: @weasleysandwheezes

[ieatmorecrispsthanyou]

Hi again! Hope it's ok to keep this discussion going at great length, feel free to ignore this, but it does gives me a chance to ramble about JFSP et al and that's something I love doing. I haven't ever got the chance to ramble with someone who also enjoys his work so I'm going to give it my best shot...

I can definitely see where you're coming from about sketch comedy in general being hit or miss, and in this case some JFSP sketches throwing you off having a good time - I actively dislike some of his sketches but I tend to find that the ones I find least funny are conveniently grouped together in a 'mid' episode for me to skip, and even in those mid episodes there are gems (likewise even in 'good episodes' there are less funny sketches as you mentioned). So I can understand why Cabin Pressure and JFDA are more consistently fun listens for you, since you know you're going to enjoy *all* of it.

Also there's that element of a more coherent character driven plot in Cabin Pressure and JFDA, as the audience gets to spend more than 5 minutes with each character unlike in the sketches. I like the short-term characters as well though, because I don't get so invested in them that I feel awful when something embarrassing or bad happens to them (as prevents me from listening to a couple of episodes of Cabin Pressure). I also think it really showcases JF's skill in that he can write a 5 minute sketch about two people in some situation and yet the audience can understand all about these people's characters, motivations and shortcomings and that this is the situation which exposes all of them, and it's so damn funny.

I agree about picking off a menu of sketches - I wish I was internet proficient enough to clip all his sketches and arrange them in a website for people to peruse at their leisure... currently what I do is go on the comedy central episode guide to each series (written by JF I think) and at this point I know each episode so well I can tell by the basic description exactly how much of a fun time I'm going to have listening to each episode.

I think JFSP is at its best when there's some sort of coherent narrative or link between the sketches, mostly found at the 'since you ask me' ending, or repeating 'bits' - like the time travelling episode (s4.e6), your favourite heist episode (s7.e6), The Adventures of Mr Floofywhiskers (s5.e1, s7.e4), the animals and kings episode (s7.e5), or in terms of repeating bits, the reluctant underappreciated holiday singer (s4.e6 and the christmas episode), the archers bit from series 2-6, the train driver and train manager bit (fun fact: there's fanfiction of them on AO3!), Mr Frint the curmudgeonly pedant (and too many more to mention). I also like when he includes fictionalised versions of the cast complaining about the sketches - I enjoy the meta aspect of it, although as he points out there's an element of being so self aware and self deprecating about your own comedy that it ruins the joke.

This is probably why I enjoy series 9 (perhaps) most of all - the interwoven short character moments building up into a bigger patchwork covering generations, but so gradually that you don't notice until you're hooked in. Since you first meet the characters when they're at the end of their stories, you have this sense that you won't hear anything really bad happen to them, which makes for some very comforting listening. (fun fact - I met Carrie and she said that her favourite series was s9 as well!)

And now to address your point in the tags about John Finnemore and how he handles race and religion...

...which is basically that I agree with everything you've said and more people should take notice of it as you have done. It's a conversation we should be having, and it helps us fully understand his works in their complete context.

For me I can understand why JF is the way he is about this topic, definitely not to excuse him or me though (as you'll see later in this post). We both come from deep in rural England, where, at least in my experience, you don't really encounter anyone outside your white, culturally-Christian 'bubble' until you've internalised all the messages people inside your bubble have been explicitly and implicitly telling you, and that makes it harder to unlearn them (although the unlearning is necessary). And then leaving that bubble as an adult is challenging, so you make friends who are just like you and that reinforces the attitudes you know are wrong. So while I love the casts of JFSP and JFDA and Cabin Pressure so very very much, it is rather telling that a lot of them do share certain characteristics (in terms of race at least). Some of the radio 4 audience also share those characteristics as well, so it makes sense why in those bits about race and religion he seems to imagine himself as talking to a crowd just like him, inside his 'bubble', not realising (or caring?) how uncomfortable a listen it is for people outside that 'bubble'. (I've stretched the bubble metaphor too thin, methinks)

I don't want it to come across as if I'm excusing him for his more mean-spirited comedy, the 'we all know as white people not to make fun of different races and religions, because it's wrong, but I'm going to toe the line because I think I'm catering to an audience like me' comedy, because I don't agree with this attitude and he definitely could and should have made more of an effort to be more aware of his privilege. Being in a position of power like that means you are contributing to the status quo and sort-of-making-fun-of minorities just reinforces the idea that people like him are 'above' those minorities, an idea which I think is dangerous to be spreading to your audience.

Like you, I've also met him and he was so kind - he was everything I imagined he was from listening to his stuff. So I feel there is hope that he can unlearn his harmful attitudes and make comedy everyone can enjoy. (But this may be putting him on a pedestal, and I definitely don't want to do that.)

Anyway, thanks for reading! I would love to discuss any aspect of this in more detail with you (or anyone reading this!) so please do add on to this ramble if you feel like it!

Hi! I hope you're doing well and having a lovely holiday season :)

Sorry if you've already talked about this before, I haven't been following you for a long time - but what do you think of the other series of JFSP apart from series 9?

Personally I love them to bits, I have listened to every episode more than 30 times and they're probably one of my favourite things in the whole world. I just love the humour, the characters, the situations - it feels very safe, no mean spirited jokes, very comforting. The sketches feels very autistic-coded to me as an autistic person, much like Martin from Cabin Pressure - some of the sketches are things I doubt a neurotypical person would notice or comment on from the angle he chooses. Like the geek sketch and the 'friend I'm in the mood for' sketch from series 5.

What are your thoughts on these series?

Thank you for asking, that’s an awesome question!

The basic answer is that I am, of course, a big fan. That said, I’d say that as much as I overall enjoy sketch comedy, I do tend to find it hit or miss; and while JFSP has a higher hit rate than most, and plenty of sketches are fantastic*, it definitely doesn’t get there ALL the time.

*Notable faves- Spooktacular, seashells, reincarnation/past lives, “Stop Saying G’nus,” tricyclist… there are loads and loads more, just off the top of my head! Not to mention the excellent ones you already cited…

The functional difference for me ends up being that while I don’t think there’s a 100% hit rate on Cabin Pressure or Double Acts either, I know that if I pick one episode that I like I will enjoy myself for a full half hour. Because I’m less familiar with a given episode of JFSP given how many there have been and how many sketches are in an episode, I don’t have that same sense of instant “ahhh” from turning on an episode of JFSP* as I would from the other two shows, where a lot of my emotions about it come from knowing it like the back of my hand.

*Major exception- S7E6. A perfect episode of sketch comedy that I can listen to literally whenever. No notes.

This isn’t to say that I don’t really enjoy JFSP! I just wish I could pick off a menu of sketches, not simply because I like some better than others but because I like the feeling of “oooh this” on demand that I get from turning on a favorite half hour episode. I will say- I find JFSP to be PERFECT for things like dental procedures and car trips, where I might be in the chair for anywhere from five minutes to two hours and can just turn on a bunch of sequential episodes for as long as I need. But it doesn’t necessarily have the same immediate impact for me as the episodes I love of the other shows.

That said- some of the best things JF ever wrote are Since You Asked Me sketches. I want them pumped into my veins.

[telaraneas]

Your explanations on the progression of a Thief is very interesting. What do you believe a Thief of Heart would be like? In a general sense: How could something be raised in Mind?

RUBS MY LITTLE HANDS TOGETHER

IF YOU WILL INDULGE MY NONSENSE.... I HAVE A VERY SPECIFIC EXAMPLE OF SOMEONE I CONSIDER A THIEF OF HEART. WHO IS A CHARACTER FROM MY *OTHER* CURRENT HYPERFIXATION. so this is going to be just me rambling at lenght about a character you probably dont know or care about, But. im gonna talk about WHY i think of them as a thief of heart, and what that implies. (mostly just cause its easier for me when i have examples, cause classpects are descriptive not prescriptive)

meet sasara nurude from hypnosis mic

this one anime guy has been eating all my braincells for half a year straight. here's the weird thing about him: he's one of the few characters in this work who is allowed to frame HIMSELF in the narrative. as in, there are characters who are "presents themselves to the world as one thing, is secretely another" but in those cases the work presents that gap as part of their character, right? like how a tsundere isn't just A Cold Girl, the "secretly sweet/ends up behaving differently" thing is part of the character's appeal

but with sasara, the work really just... his character appeal in a basic "this is how he seems to be written, this is the archetype he fits" sense has very little to do with who he actually IS, and everything to do with what he PRESENTS himself to be

the guy is a comedian, he's fun, he's an idiot fool who plays off against his straight man best friend, he's goofy and silly and doesn't think before he acts. this is how the work frames him, this is how he comes across, this is what his character bio says, *this is the character sasara concieves himself to be.*

the thing is that his actions tell a very different story

sasara is not just smart, he's one of the most logical-minded people in hypmic. everything he does and says is for a specific reason in pursuit of his goals, whatever that goal happens to be. he *scripted improv in real time* as in he knew exactly what his partner would answer to whatever he said, and as such continually set him up and thus steered the direction of entire skits (and just real ass conversations) based on Knowing What They Would Answer To Whatever He Did.

"but tumblr user telaraneas" you might say "this doesn't sound very much like a heart player at that point, aren't you just describing a mind player at this point??". well heres the thing: despite him doing this stuff constantly, he doesn't place much weight in it, or even seem to actually realize that what he's doing is weird or manipulative. he knows WHAT he's doing, but he doesn't think of it as "ah yes everything according to keikaku". to me it reads like he acts this way because it's the only way he knows to interact with the world around him, PERIOD.

but what makes him a thief of heart is that all of this nonsense is never for the benefit of Making Logical Actions; no, sasara uses mind as *performance of heart*

if heart is identity, soul, The Self, sasara is someone who doesn't HAVE a self, but everything he does is in pursuit of projecting a well-defined Self into the world. everything he does, says, thinks, avoids saying or thinking, is devoted to crafting a coherent narrative about himself and his life that he 1. can believe about himself, and 2. that will allow him to recieve emotional sustenance from others in the form of attention, affection, and anything he needs of them in that moment

and like a good tragic thief, this spills out into harming other people without him realizing it.

his arc is tied to that of his former comedy partner (who i think of as a knight of hope)- someone who, UNLIKE him, actually HAS a strong identity, not because he cares about it, but because he DOESN'T care about it; he lives by his beliefs and passion for the things he DOES care about... only to be pushed around by an impatient sasara who wants to make things fit neatly into the conception he has created for what he is, sowing his partner with doubt and making him start seeing HIS lack of a capacity for performance over passion as being wrong and his fault, and ultimately winds up with sasara driving him away without even realizing it was happening, and destroying the best thing in his life in his misguided attempts to protect it. without knowing it, he almost literally stole away his identity and unique style by burying it in "what would work better", because that's what sasara is used to doing as normal for himself since he was a child who first learned to fake a smile and define himself as "a comedian"

anyways, sorry for the random rant about characters you neither know or care about skfnskjd

tldr: a thief of heart can mean someone who is naturally born to mind, and uses it almost as an afterthought, as a tool to craft what he REALLY wants as a heart player- a coherent self-identity

(if by any miracle someone reading this both knows and cares about these characters. i have a billion words about hypmic. my sideblog for that is @cyrillean )

[daz4i]

If you're still taking those fandom asks. D, L, U, X, Z possibly?

thank you!!!! :*🖤

D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.

i think. romantic ryu//ann. at leats as a pairing and not part of a polycule. i love their dynamic but it's very much not romantic in my head (partially bc i hc ann as a lesbian) so every time i see it in that context i go 😬 even tho it really is very cute and there's no actual problems with it or smth

L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves.

ok. while yukari isn't really my cup of tea as a character. i do think she's written very well, def one of the most interesting female characters in the series, and even anything "annoying" about her is there for a specific purpose and it's very noticable too. also her relationship with mitsuru is important to me......

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

i’m ngl most of the reasoning is just “they’re exactly my type” but i’ll try to explain in other ways askjfkldhlghf

persona: naoto my beloved (my fav alongside goro bc if i start talking abt him it’ll jsut be “hhhghnghh look at him 🥺🥺”). i really love how smart they are, that’s honestly the reason why i always latch onto detective characters heh. like seeing them come to conclusions is very intriguing and fun and def made the whole mystery of the game still fun to go through even while knowing spoilers, bc their line of logic is easy to follow even if unexpected at certain times i genuinely love listening to them. also their voice is very soothing ajksdgh (in both english and japanese!!! @ anime’s dub don’t interact). and their inner conflict and shadow are so relatable but still like, not accurate enough to most people’s immediate real life to offer a safe sense of disconnect from it, if that makes sense. as in, it’s relatable, but not in a way that’s already painful to see. like their gender conflict is obvious but the age one hits very close to home and also their shadow being basically a mad scientist is very sexy imo. good for them. this is already getting so long i’m sorry i have a lot of feelings abt naoto

haikyuu (and i promise this one will be shorter aklsdljg): kita my beloved. he’s just such a soothing character, i really admire his approach to life and i think he’s a very good balance for his team, and he offers some sort of break to me in a very intense arc. plus his parallels to daichi in that arc are very sexy i love it. he’s just,,, a very respectful boy,,, who later turns into a very respectful and adorable man who is full of love and i really love that for him……

osomatsu-san: ichimatsu. i reached the situation i said might happen if i talked abt goro i’m sorry. he just makes me feel very happy aksjfdkhgfdg like it’s weird to say but he as a character really helped me get through a traumatic event in my life, and he was my first ever f/o before i even realized i’m self shipping with him so naturally he means a lot to me asfljkldgk. i also think he’s just a very relatable character and super adorable and his voice is so nice to listen to and also he’s quite literally a catboy c’mon can you blame me for thinking he’s the hottest shit ever…….

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

twinks with daddy issues. i have yet to run into a character that fits this description and didn’t become my favorite. the edgier the better they can and should kill people if they want to 🖤

Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go!

ok this one i’m not gonna answer only bc my brain is a little fried and idk if i can form a coherent enough thought with no direction askjdkgfh sorry! but i appreciate you sending it anyway u3u!!!! (maybe the naoto ramble is enough to cover that aksjsjdhg)

send some letters?

[infinites-chaser]

val’s mementos

(or: a working masterlist of my mlqc fics created mostly for my own sanity)

everything on this list has also been posted to my ao3!

currently accepting prompts from this prompt meme~

(while i will do my very best to fill every prompt with writing that i’m proud of pls keep in mind that some may take longer than others for any amount of reasons!)

Lucien

dark night fireworks- my first (published) mlqc fic <333 2nd person and entirely too pretentious (rumor has it even the author doesn’t really know what she was trying to convey except. n e u r o s c i e n c e and MEMORY is cool). slight spoilers for ch.16

watch the universe expand- a long, rambly attempt to explore lucien’s character and also evolutionary biology and evols told through excessive metaphor and bedtime stories. spoilers for lucien’s childhood and ch.13. im proud of this one ^^ though there is a lot of projection involved. also lucien is an enneagram five.

to dwell on- c: lucien and homes and him and mc being soft together that’s it <3 or in more coherent language some bittersweet fluff for lucien’s bday based on moments from his mini-house and his most recent bday karma + date. in hindsight i’ve realized i didn’t use his or MC’s name at all outside of dialogue LOL

king lear and other tragedies- a prompt for the librarian ask meme linked above! im p sure anon prompted me a month before i got around to actually writing an answer hndkslgj but. here we are. shakespeare and tragedies and parallels between characters and a lot of pretentious dialogue, meant to be an extension of/missing scene after lucien’s theater date. this only rly exists bc of a single line in the date mentioning the production being put on was king lear and i took that and ran for all it was worth

Gavin

just a summer thing- a short little scenario that manifested in my head one warm summer night when i should’ve been sleeping and my first foray into domestic!gavin territory <333 i’d say it’s probably one of my lightest fics, if not the lightest ahfksldg (also heavily inspired by the way @belovedstill writes gavin/mc pst basia’s fics are to die for)

under a golden sun- high school era gavin, MC and minor! originally intended for gavin’s bday except (1) i didn’t finish on time LOL and (2) the fic never mentions his bday oops. also in 2nd person though if you asked why i couldn’t tell you it just felt more right. ft. basketball and memories and a bit of bittersweet nostalgia. simultaneously has some of what i think is my weakest writing (in terms of pacing/consistent tone imo) and some of my favorite lines i’ve ever written for a gavin fic and i’ve come to appreciate it more over time bc of that c:

today, this is the whole universe (and that’s okay)- gavin, MC, and domestic, sleepy sundays. and a long ao3 title that’s it that’s the fic (narrator: and then, she never wrote anything purely fluffy ever again). heavily inspired by gavin’s sleepy morning asmr and that one clip of his cn voice actor playing/humming his theme (aka soft soft SOFTEST) also just. i said it already but all of my domestic!gavin is inspired by and exists thanks to the breathtaking writing of @belovedstill <333

in the wind- a semi(?)exploration of gavin’s wind but also just him loving mc bc that’s what he and his evol are all about. short and bittersweet <3 (if anyone’s keeping track i think this is where my writing starts to lean more on the uhhh descriptive side and becomes less dialogue-based? or i feel there’s a diff from this writing style compared to the earlier gavin fics (besides parts of under a golden sun) which is just interesting for me to think about but not relevant to the fic itself ahfklsdf) 

winter’s end- winter world!gavin and mc and a softer, more bittersweet reunion. m a j o r spoilers for ch.22 and what comes before. also gavin’s past. it hurt to write and apparently hurts to read b u t there’s a happy ending. i promise c:

sunrise to noon- a secret santa fic that ended up being less holiday related than I originally intended but like all things domestic and Gavin I think it works well as it is <3 just tender winter mornings and domesticity and the return of my fluff writing

Kiro

falling down the stairs of your smile- this was a prompt for the librarian prompt meme and doesn’t have an official title on the ask but here’s the title in all its long all-lowercase ao3 glory. basically the first few chapters from kiro’s perspective with slight spoilers from his past! kiro is such a joy to write and i love this a lot and im super glad i got the opportunity to write this (the waY i banged this out in one night when i got the ask askfsdkfksl)

[deleted by Key]- i have an idea and i’m s u p e r excited about it but no spoilers except this quote: ‘But that is how a tragedy like ours or King Lear breaks your heart— by making you believe that the ending might still be happy, until the very last minute.’- If We Were Villains, M.L. Rio.

Victor

Of Corgis and Christmas- a secret santa present for a victor stan that conjured some fluffy victor writing from my victor-less heart,,, a christmas miracle aND im lowkey proud of how it turned out but the highlights of the fic are Goldman and Cindy T-T they deserve more screentime and someday. i will write the subplot that got cut where Goldman sends Cindy embarrassing Victor stories to try to impress her and MC helps :>

spend my whole life searching- i combined 2 victor librarian asks from the librarian prompt meme above would u believe he's the only suitor I got twice 😔 this man is so popular and for what (only kidding ahdjdjs we just have a relationship of mutual disapproval dont mind me dragging him just a little i need to compensate for the appreciation I developed for him while writing this :>) this is similar to the kiro librarian fic in that it kinda gives vic's perspective on victor/MC's first in-game meeting with a healthy dose of and they were soulmates and angsty longing™ and also. victor is an enneagram one

Shaw

i started a few things a long time ago for him maybe someday i’ll finish them :’)

[atamascolily]

Fic meme

Thanks to @thebyrchentwigges for the tag and the excuse to ramble on about my fics!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 162, 12 of which are podfics under the lilypods pseud. Mostly shorter fics and one-shots, but some multichapter novellas and three novels!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 928,500

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? TOO MANY TO COUNT, LOL. Various Star Wars (mostly Legends, some OT, a smattering of ST), Puella Magi Madoka Magica, and Adventures of Sinbad have the most fics at the moment.

I really love crossovers and small niche fandoms, so that ups the number considerably.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

-In the Reptile House, a Harry Potter/Good Omens short.

-Through A Glass Darkly, a Star Wars Sequel Trilogy fix-it by way of Legends (novel)

-Total Eclipse - short Star Wars crackfic inspired by the North American eclipse of August 2017.

-Moebius, a Bleach/Puella Magi Madoka Magica crossover (novel)

-Four Fathers, short Star Wars OT character study.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Generally yes, though I make exceptions for any comment that is rude, belittling, or trolling. I’ll try and give someone the benefit of the doubt if they’re on the edge, but if they repeat the behavior, then they lose their “communication with the author” privileges. and I do not engage with them. 

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? if I could turn back time, a Clannad/Puella Magi Madoka Magica crossover, which, given the source material totally checks out.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written? I LOVE CROSSOVERS SO MUCH! The most unlikely one is probably The Dry Land, which is a Star Wars/Earthsea crossover. But shoutout to Provocodictory, which is a Young Wizards/Princess Bride drabble.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Yes.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Very little. I’m more of a fade to black kinda of person. My deepest respect for smut writers, though--it’s so hard and they do an amazing job of it!

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of, at least.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! Words for the Dead, a Star Wars OT missing scene, in French as Quelques mots pour les morts by Perspicacia.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, but I’m up for it with the right person.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? must you make me choose? Sigh. Maeve/Sinbad from Adventures of Sinbad, and Luke Skywalker/Mara Jade from Star Wars Legends will always have a special place in my heart.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? *looks at folder and sighs*

15. What are your writing strengths? I know what I like, and I write a lot of it. Details, descriptions, creative and vivid imagery. Character studies and clever set-ups. Blending two diverse universes together into a coherent whole.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Action scenes. Smut. Original characters and the necessary mechanics to make original fiction work. Scenes with lots of characters interacting.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? Like any trope or technique, it depends on the circumstances and context! I've seen it done skillfully and I’ve seen it done poorly. For me, if the POV character isn’t meant to understand what’s being said, I’ll throw in snippets if relevant (and put the translation in the notes), otherwise I generally provide a translation in the text itself. There are lots of creative ways to do this that don’t disrupt the flow of the story. For me, it’s best used sparingly, like salt or spices in a recipe--a little goes a long way and too much can be overwhelming or just too distracting.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Probably LOTR, but I have handwritten fanfics of the Adventures of Sinbad from the late ‘90s that I treasure.

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? Must I choose? I love all my fics, but special shoutouts to Trompe-l'oeil and asynchronous--two PMMMs shorts--and Take My Breath Away, a Star Wars Legends Luke/Mara hanahaki fic, all three of which are dear to my heart.

[churchkey]

2, 5, 7, 32, and 35 for the fic asks! Hope you are having a great day Lara, or should I say Queen Of Winnix 👀💓

Hey Carrie! Aaah bless your sweet heart! Thank you for the ask - I’ll try to say something halfway thoughtful and/or coherent. 

(2.) Why do you write fanfiction?

Frick, where to start on this one... I suppose because there are a couple of actors who’ve got some kind of amazing chemistry that sucks me in and I just need more of them. Or the characters are so richly drawn that I’m compelled to throw myself into their story and add my own threads and patterns. And also - and this should not be understated - for the erotic factor, I mean lbr. And I don’t know, I just need to. There’s a creative impulse in me that observes and notices things in a certain way, and I want to try to describe that, or I’m trying to get as close to telling a truth that other people will read and recognize and say “yes! I know what that feels like!” To connect, I suppose. 

(5.) What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

For the sheer scope, A Spell of Riot. Definitely the longest and most ambitious story I’ve ever written. But I also feel pretty good about Roger Wilco as a fairly succinct combination of porn and feels that gets to the heart of their love for each other as this light that nothing can snuff out. 

(7.) What element of writing do you struggle with most?

Since I already talked about my crippling self-doubt, I’ll say the momentum. I’m terribly slow at starting. I tend to get bogged down in description and then NOTHING happens for like 4k and how anyone could read that without falling asleep I don’t even know. Plot in general, but a lot of that might be to do with the fact that I love introspective, character-driven novels where not a lot happens. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone, for sure! I could go on for days. 

(32.) Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

Ha ha, I love this one. Okay, let’s see... “Harry has a massive wang; they finally go to Chicago”. Goddamn, I did it again!

(35.) Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

Ummm.... I once read in a writing book that if you’re a writer, all the terrible, sad, tragic things that happen to you can also be your best inspiration and fertile ground for connecting with your characters to tell their stories. If you look at it as grist for the mill, you might find that elusive path into a character’s pain or a different way to look at it, or maybe you just have insight and experience that can bring your ideas to life and make them immediate and authentic because they come from the truth of your life (*cough* divorce fic)... anyway, there might be something there, is what I’m saying. There might be a story anywhere. Keep your feelers out. 

Thank you Carrie! Hope you had a great birthday!  

[goblin-writer]

Flash fiction Friday: A Plea for Help

@flashfictionfridayofficial​

The Collective has once again outdone themselves with a delicious prompt that In really enjoyed writing. I hope you will all also enjoy what I came up with.

Word Count: 954

The Indomitable Captain saw the mottled Green Man waving from some facsimile of a raft as it was tossed about in the roiling waves. The Man’s wave was slow and unsure, his golden glowing eyes squinting at the Decommissioned Gunboat Regali. The Captain brought the ship abreast the raft.

“Good man, do you need aid?” The Man looked through the Captain and at a point in the distance. Their voice answered raggedly.

“My people,” he broke out in a fit of coughs, a green cloud pulsing about him as spores settled on the raft, “need help. We are overwhelmed by-” the Man trailed off as his eyes grew wide with panic, as if he saw something beyond the Regali. The Captain prepared to shoot the Man if he tried to board the ship, he was clearly insane.

“Tell us the way good man,” The Captain’s voice held a steel edge, “we will do what we can.”

“The light never leaves the horizon, no matter how far-,” the Man’s voice quivered and his eyes locked with the Captain’s grey eyes, “Please. Take my book, read it, learn from it. I forget. I beg you.” The Man muttered under his breath, “Help us.” He held up a leather bound book, a thin faded green vine wrapping it. His eyes were filled with what seemed to be tears, but as it flowed, the deep yellow that replaced his tears looked like sap. The Captain pulled the book aboard and pushed the raft off; they did not want to risk the same madness for their crew. They knew the man was lost. With a reassuring look from the crew the Captain squared their shoulders and levelled their pistol, taking aim at the Man.

The Regali sailed onwards, a wrecked raft in her wake, and a green cloud dissipating into the dark depths of the ocean. The Captain had handed off command to the crew as they headed below decks; they had some reading to do. The swelling waves felt familiar and amicable to the Captain as they opened the book at the desk, calm and collected, even after that encounter. They had ordered the vine thrown in the boiler as a precaution, if the Man felt it worth keeping it could be dangerous. As the musty pages opened a smell of warmth and sunshine filled the cabin, a scent of an island far away, the light of the cabin tinted slightly golden.

They began to read.

And read.

And read.

They answered no calls, no knocking, and no entreaties by their crew, their face frozen in ever deepening concern, turning page after page. As the sun set, the Captain stood from their desk; they finally understood what needed doing. Walking out of the room they called their Officers to the deck to explain what was going on. Their eyes echoed the Captain’s distress.

“The Man, he was the last survivor of a colony in these waters. He never gave a name, only called it Home. Home had a peculiar property; people slowly forgot who they were. The turned green and became ever more docile.” The Officers looked concerned but none of them spoke up, they wanted to hear the root cause.

“Over time, colonists started disappearing into the woods around Home. Most of the population disappeared in, and this is his description, dark nights where the clear sky showed neither star nor moon and a deep green fog rolled from the jungle. Deep green tendrils of fog curled around houses and pressed against windows and doors, bowing them inward under their pressure.” The Captain sighed, “They often found gleaming bones after those nights, polished to a shine. And every night there were less people about that before, and not enough bones to make up the missing. Fear gripped Home for months that slowly turned into a year. The Man was preparing to leave; he wanted to see his family again. He forgot about that though, when I shot him he didn’t remember anything. Not his name, his destination, nor his goal. His later words became less and less coherent; he had lost his memory as well. The books cover had his singular purpose written on it – give me to a capable person.”

The Signaller stepped forward, “We cannot let that horror go on for much longer then. Should we navigate to their Home and set fire to it?” Their voice was thick with overstated vowels, their tone carried concern and anger.

“It might be better to inform someone with actual firepower,” The Captain shook their head sadly, “We need to find someone to take care of that island. Not that we’d be likely to find the island in this stretch of ocean.” The other Officers intoned agreement, they would let someone else take care of it, and hopefully be done with that business.

The Captain went back to the helm, not being able to shake off what they had read. People forgetting who they were, shambling along doing their daily business with no passion or life, sounded like a nightmare. They thought back to the last coherent ramblings in the book. A wave of the lost appeared out of the jungle, looking misshapen and with glowing green eyes and angry red wounds, under a glowing green cloud that blotted out the sky. Spores were said to have fallen everywhere, growing preternaturally fast and transforming fleeing villagers into more docile automations. They would be glad to see it burnt from existence.

The Captain turned the ship toward the North. The closest port lay that way. Their green eyes were determined and steely. The ship steamed onwards towards their destination, a single green growth hidden amongst knotted wood and ropes.

--

Thank you for reading. If you enjoyed this I did do two extra pieces on last weeks FFF which are available here and here. I will be doing another few pieces based on this in the coming week so keep your eyes peeled.

I’ve also started a short story from a Last Line Tag. This being the second part.

Much love delicious reader.

[oops-prow-did-it-again]

were do the one shots of pokemon character interactions go? i saw someone ask for one of nanu and white. i really want to read it. do you have an estimate for when it will be out?

I apologize in advance for how long and rambling this became! But I figured I’d clear up some questions for anyone else as well.

Short Answer - 3 months.

In the meantime, you can follow me here on tumblr as well as AO3, and FFN to keep up with the stories that are out. Reviews, comments, asks, etc are ALWAYS welcome!!

Pokemon Retold - AO3 (series link)

Pokemon Black - AO3 | FFN - Hil (Hilbert) has been dreaming of a way to escape his suffocating home for a while. He is offered a way out in the form of a partner pokémon and the offer to traverse the Unova region with his friends Cheren and Bianca. He never had the intentions of becoming champion or fighting Team Plasma, and yet, that's exactly where he finds himself--clashing with idealistic N over deadly truths. ((Warnings: referenced suicide. Occasional strong language. Mild Bianca x Cheren shipping. Occasional descriptions of blood/violence. No explicit sexual content.))

Pokemon Sword & Shield - AO3 | FFN - He's chasing a ghost and she's wishing he'd see sense. Gloria and Hop's adventure through Galar is one that will surely change them, for better or for worse. ((Warnings: Occasional descriptions of blood/violence. Occasional strong language. Brief mentions of alcohol. No explicit sexual content.))

3AM in Unova - AO3 | FFN - Sequel oneshot to Breaking the Ice. Bede discusses a one-night stand with Piers. ((The prompt behind this will end up canon, however this particular oneshot will be taken down/updated once Black, Black 2, and SwSh are finished. WARNING - strongly implied sexual content. Strong language.))

Breaking the Ice - AO3 | FFN - Prequel to 3AM in Unova. The Galarian and Unovan gym leaders meet up and have a party. Leon pulls a dirty trick on Raihan. ((The prompt behind this will end up canon, however, this particular oneshot will be taken down/updated once Black, Black 2, and SwSh are finished. WARNING - mild sexual content. Alcohol mentioned. Possible strong language.))

Some Nights - AO3 | FFN - The usually unshakable new gym leader of Ballonlea, Bede, has his heart thawed by a little girl who begs him to give her a starter pokemon and an endorsement for the Galarian Major League. ((This oneshot is canon to the SwSh retelling and will be moved to the appropriate Galar oneshot collection once I make it. No warnings.))

Marlon’s Misunderstanding - AO3 | FFN - Marlon is forced to face the music over his past following the Plasma Frigate’s attack on Opelucid City. ((The prompt behind this oneshot will end up canon, however, this particular story will be taken down/updated once Black/Black 2 are finished. WARNING - strong language. Reference to physical abuse.))

Long Answer - 

So, before I get to the oneshots, the primary stories have to be finished. What’s a “primary story”? Well, that’d be the retelling of the game(s) involved. Why do these need to be finished? Because, as I write the primary story, stuff I have planned to happen can change. If I were to write the oneshot before then, it may no longer adhere to the retelling I write of the game, and therefore end up unrelated, which is not the intention. These are all supposed to fit into the same coherent universe.

The only reason some oneshots are written prior to their primary story being finished is because I had those ideas before I intended to make this a series. Those oneshots will be edited to conform to the universe and reposted in their respective oneshot collections once their primary stories are finished.

So for Nanu and White’s (who goes by Hilda in my stories), that means Black, Black 2, and Sun/Ultra Sun (they will be merged into one story in my universe, probably just called Sun) would need to be finished. Black is currently underway and I expect to have it finished by the end of May, and Black 2 by the end of July. Sun/Ultra Sun, on the other hand, will be started in probably June and finished by the end of July. 

Actually, I’ll just go ahead and clarify my plan-

Red - Started by October 1st. Finished by November 30th

HeartGold - Started by October 1st. Finished by November 30th

Omega Ruby - Started by November 1st. Finished by December 31st

Platinum - Started by August 1st. Finished by September 30th

Black - Started April 1st. Finished by May 31st

Black 2 - Started June 1st. Finished by July 31st

Y - Started August 1st. Finished by September 30th

Ultra Sun/Sun - Started June 1st. Finished by July 31st

Sword & Shield - Started March 17th. Finished by May 31st*

*Sword/Shield is technically already finished, I have just been having to overhaul significant parts of it prior to releasing them because I started writing it prior to thinking of making this a series. 

It takes about 2 weeks to fully organize/plan a retelling and then about a month and a half to completely write it out, at least as far as I estimate it. So, with the above dates in mind, any oneshot prompts involving characters from the above regions/games will happen after the official retelling is written out. Once some of the main stories above are finished, you can expect a pretty steady stream of oneshots, likely once a week or more.

So the earliest you could expect one involving Nanu and Hilda is early August. 

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/18/2019: ROBO VAMPIRE

“Incoherent” is a word that gets thrown around a lot in discussions about horror movies. This nasty little accusation is especially levied against movies that belong to subgenres that have more of a form-over-function bent, like willfully zany giallos, or perhaps outrageous Hong Kong exploitation movies. Usually I find that “incoherent” is an inaccurate and unfair description of the movie in question. To me, it’s ok for a narrative to have implausible causes and effects, or a few unanswered questions, or a couple of leaps of logic, especially when the movie in question plays in the realm of nightmares or fantasies. To wit: I watched Doris Wishman’s legendary A NIGHT TO DISMEMBER this month, and I couldn’t call it “coherent”, but I essentially understood what was supposed to be happening in it. To me, “incoherent” suggests a mindless, almost intoxicated rambling from one event to another, with no apparent connection or motivation. It has to mean that it simply does not make any sense, that the scenes could almost be in any order, or even in different movies altogether. It is extremely rare that I watch a movie, and just have absolutely no idea what the fuck is going on in it. That makes Godfrey Ho’s 1988 opportunistic Z-grade kung fu disasterpiece ROBO VAMPIRE a very rare film indeed.

By now it’s clear that I usually sit on these movie for a minute, or a week,or longer, before I actually write about them. Sometimes that’s sort of a problem, and I have to watch something more than once when I definitely don’t want to. However, even if I had seen ROBO VAMPIRE a million times, or written about it in real time, I could never begin to tell you what happens in it, really. Roughly, a drug cartel in the Golden Triangle employs a taoist shaman to deploy his army of hopping ghosts against the interloping DEA. To fight back, DEA scientists or something scrape together the remains of one of their defeated agents to create a cyborg supercop. High jinks ensue. That’s all easy enough to say, but the reality is that I have no idea what happens during this actual movie. It’s hard for me to even describe what it’s like to watch it. For about the first 15 minutes I felt like I had a handle on things. It’s basically a regular supernatural kung fu movie with traditional Chinese vampires, black magic, and some sparse western action movie elements to justify the eventual appearance of an attention-grabbing ROBOCOP ripoff. But then...well, this thing happens where the shaman summons a “vampire beast” (there’s a lot of gorilla masks in this movie) to be the cartel’s champion, but a big titty ghost shows up and explains that the vampire beast is her deceased lover, with whom she shared a star-crossed affair that ended in suicide so that they could be together in the afterlife, so she’s pissed that now her ghost man has to be a vampire beast and have a job and everything instead of just retiring with her as planned. So the solution is that the shaman agrees to MARRY THE VAMPIRE BEAST AND THE GHOST, and then they’re satisfied enough to have a superfight against Robocop! But meanwhile in what seems like, and probably once was, a completely different movie, there’s a kidnapping of a DEA agent with Chinese water torture, and then separate of that there’s a bunch of guerrillas fighting some other guys in the woods who I wasn’t sure if they belonged to which/any of the previously introduced characters and...well, at the end, my viewing companion and I suddenly realized that we actually weren’t sure whether Robocop defeated the ghost and the vampire beast, or how any of this really shook out.

Obviously I LOVE the marriage of the ghost and the vampire beast. I’m not trying to say that the arbitrarily titled ROBO VAMPIRE is as good as its deservedly famous VHS art, or that it’s really a laff a minit. Veteran trasheaters like me know that movies like this can be a slog, just to get to those one or two delicious morsels that form the reason you’ve even heard of whatever you’re watching. ROBO VAMPIRE can be challenging in that familiar way, but honestly, some of it made me laugh until I cried. You know Robo is going to be cheap, but I can’t describe how palpable it is, that he’s made out of spray painted pillows and potholders and Jiffy Pop thingies, and like what is his helmet, couldn’t they just get a helmet from somewhere? Some of the “special” effects make me feel like I’m going insane, especially when Robo tunnels under a fire moat on the beach to fight more hopping ghosts and/or gorillas...how could I ever verbalize what you must absolutely see to believe, and which I’m not even sure I’m right about. 

By this time, you know whether or not you are a person who needs to see ROBO VAMPIRE. No one but you can make this decision for yourself. For now, I struggle alone with the decision to watch ROBO VAMPIRE 2: DEVIL’S DYNAMITE. But, unlike anything in the movie ROBO VAMPIRE, I probably know exactly what conclusion I’m going to come to.

[redorblue]

Tiamat’s Wrath, by James S.A. Corey

It’s been a while since I finished, and I’m still A MESS (and, apparently, not the only one). So this is not going to be coherent in any way, just me rambling about what stood out to me in those 541 pages of pure stress.

I’m tagging it as spoilery, but still: CAREFUL, SPOILERS! (also, long)

Alright. No way around that: the first sentence messed me up badly. I’m pretty sure that’s never happened to me, having a character die on me in the very first sentence of a book (not even the first chapter! The prologue, ffs!). And technically not even that, she’s been dead for a while, I just learned about it now. The thing is, I expected something like this to happen at some point, I was already dead scared for her in Persepolis Rising once it had sunk in that we’d just done a time jump of several decades, but I thought we’d get her death on screen, if only because she’s been such an influential character over the last seven books. It feels odd to just have her gone, without drama and fanfare. My guess is that, besides being really old at this point, she also didn’t have much energy left because of her failure to protect Sol system against the Laconians and the feeling of powerlessness and inevitability that came with Laconian rule. With the political center of the galaxy moving to Laconia, she probably lost most of her influence, and I think that takes a heavy toll on a born politician and decades-long power broker such as Chrisjen Avasarala. So it makes sense that she’d just... die (and it certainly sets the tone for the rest of this bloodbath of a novel).

Once I got over the initial shock, I also came to appreciate the way her death (or rather, her being dead) is written. I liked that we got a tiny peek into her relationship with her granddaughter that doesn’t sentimentalize her, but gives an interesting inside view into her worldview. The quote on her tomb broke my heart:

“If life transcends death, then I will seek for you there. If not, then there too.”

I loved every single word of the tiny snippets of information we got about her relationship with Arjun back in book 5 (or 6?), when it became ever clearer that he’d just disappeared, never to be found again, like millions of others on Earth. So to see that she still misses him, and that the fact that she never even found his body still haunts her... It breaks my heart, but it’s also really sweet. It says a lot about her personality (determination was her second name) and it shows this soft side of her that nobody around her ever got to see. But even though she mostly came of as mean and ruthless to other people, it’s nice to see that she had a positive impact on their lives (and that it’s acknowledged!). It so often happens that once a character is dead, they’re never mentioned again, and certainly never mourned. I appreciate it a lot that this didn’t happen here, that it’s pointed out several times how even in death she’s helping the other characters deal with their situation, especially in the few Holden POV chapters. I’m really grateful that her memory is being honored, especially since it’s honored by characters imagining her bossing them around, which I’m pretty sure she would have liked.

Second, I like the view on humanity that’s presented here, in the series in general but especially explicitly in this book. I’d argue that it’s actually quite positive, despite all the power-hungry,conscience-proof narcissists like Duarte and Inaros and Errinwright and Mao and Cortázar and... Yes, they exist and they naturally have a lot of tools to screw things up, which is only realistic, but they’re presented as outliers. The rest of humanity is messy, and unruly, and sometimes has an impressive ability to ignore paradoxes, but it is also capable of empathy and mercy, and most people can find the strength to stand up for what’s right when it matters. I think the best summary of this philosophy is found in a monologue from Emma:

“Easy to make rules. [...] Easy to make systems with a perfect logic and rigor. All you need to do is leave out the mercy, yeah? Then when you put people into it and they get chewed to nothing, it’s the person’s fault. Not the rules. Everything we do that’s worth shit, we’ve done with people. Flawed, stupid, lying, rules-breaking people. Laconians making the same mistake as ever. Our rules are good, and they’d work perfectly if it were only a different species. [...] I’ll die for that. [...] I’ll die so that people can be fuckups and still find mercy.”

What she’s saying is that our general aversion to rules gets us into a lot of trouble, but it also gives us flexibility, and therefore the capacity for mercy even if we’re perfectly certain that a person screwed up. She’s also saying that it’s important to stand up for that, to not just care about one’s own tiny bubble and put every terrible thing that happens down to “guess they had it coming”. Because it’s not as easy as that.

I also love this quote because it’s one of the strongest statements of what’s actually wrong with Laconia. Several characters, in this book and the last, point out that it’s really hard sometimes to not loose track of why Laconia’s version of authoritarian rule is actually terrible, and I gotta admit that I agree. Sometimes, on paper, the whole organising principle just seems so... sensible. There aren’t any graphic descriptions of bloody massacres like when Eros got infected with the protomolecule or when Inaros dropped the asteroids on Earth. Even the actions that are clearly atrocious, like Trejo destroying Pallas or the protomolecule “production” in the pens, are described in a way that feels very surgical, almost hygienic, so that you loose sight of what’s actually happening. I’m pretty sure that that’s deliberate, that the authors want their audience to slip into this mindset of “are they really that bad?” every now and then in order to make the audience see that authoritarian regimes aren’t only bad when they have obvious bloodstains on their hands. They’re actually bad all the time, and even more dangerous when they’re not that obvious. When the arbitrariness that most of us associate with dictators is replaced by a set of rules so strict that you gotta slip up some time, and once you do there’s no fixing your mistake. Plus, the absolute confidence (read: hubris) in their own decisions that often comes with this specific kind of dictator makes them immune to any kind of outside opinion, which, as this book clearly demonstrates, leads to some astonishingly short-sighted decisions and a whole lot of very dangerous complications. So all in all, I think this book does a pretty good job at exposing the nature of authoritarian regimes, from the system of distributed (read: lack of) responsibility that comes with a strict chain of command and their complete lack of accountability or checking for logical errors, to the treacherous allure that some of them might have.

Third, I love the way the romantic relationships are written. I’m usually not a big fan of romance because I think in most cases the romance is more a necessity that comes with the medium than an actual gain for the plot, but I love these. Probably because at this point, all the romantic relationships have been an established fact in the couple’s lives for a few decades now, and they give me this feeling of being... settled, in all the best ways. It can be exciting to watch a new relationship being formed, and I love slow burns to death, but once the new couple gets together my excitement normally fades away pretty quickly. Apparently there’s only a limited number of ways to introduce conflict in such a situation (and no, it can’t come from the outside and the rest of the plot for... reasons), and usually the new couple is way too busy with sudden attacks of irrational jealousy, a dark secret in the past, the do-they-really-love-me-agony etc. for me to enjoy this relationship that I’ve been rooting for for so long. Especially since it’s usually a problem that the couple could solve by having a long and honest conversation, but for REASONS that’s not an option and... I digress. So I like established relationships because they generally don’t come with that particular brand of drama, which means that there’s space to actually focus on the couple itself or on (gasp) the plot. This whole series does that pretty well - I already mentioned that I adore Chrisjen and Arjun as a couple - and in this book there is a lot of it. Naomi and Holden, obviously, and Elvi and Fayez, and for me also Drummer and Saba, although he doesn’t show up on stage at all and she does so only briefly, so in their case it’s more of an aftereffect of Persepolis Rising that’s exacerbated by him dying.

I don’t know how to put this into words exactly, but I love that these relationships are so stable (and by that I don’t mean boring). The fact that it has been an important part of the characters’ lives for so long doesn’t mean that they don’t express their love anymore, that they don’t think about each other with affection, that they don’t worry about the other or miss them. There’s lots and lots of fluff, if you want to put it that way. But most of all, they provide what a committed relationship is actually supposed to provide: an anchor, a sense of belonging, stability, mutual understanding, acceptance... without taking away the characters’ agency, identity or personal freedom. It’s most visible in Elvi and Fayez, where Elvi is the one with the important job, the long hours and high security clearance, and Fayez just supports her through all of the awfulness. He doesn’t pry, he doesn’t pick a fight with her for never being home, and he doesn’t reproach her for not eloping with him in the end because he can see that this is important for her. And while we don’t get his POV, I’m pretty sure that he’s not just swallowing his anger or feeling unfulfilled in his clearly supporting role - he just has his priorities straight, and No. 1 on that list is Elvi. Which is what a healthy relationship should look like.

And I think the same goes for Naomi and Holden. As painful as it was to watch her mourn him over almost one and a half books, I think it might be good for their relationship. He’s always been the one in the spotlight, not because he wanted it so badly but because he’s naturally good at it, and she was the one in the shadows (of her own volition, I need to add). I think that the events of this book, with her rising to the very top of the resistance movement and putting her logistical brilliance to work, will add a whole new layer to their dynamic. She’s now finally in a position where she might be able to prevent at least some of these situations that trigger his instinct of running head first into danger for the good of others. I don’t think she’d try to pull rank on him, but she has a bit more control over circumstances now so that she’d at least be able to do the whole rushing into danger thing together, and it puts them on more equal footing, hierarchically speaking. That’s never been an issue in their relationship per se, but it has been a factor in the way they interact with others both as a couple and as individuals. He often deferred or at least conferred with her, but Holden was the one other people addressed first, and that’s going to be different in the next book.

In the same vein, this book also made my shipper heart both glad and utterly devastated at the same time because there’s so much Alex-Bobbie-content. I’m not sure if you can actually call it shipping - I never wanted them to be an item romantically, but I think they’re one of the best examples of a queerplatonic relationship that’s out there. It’s canon that they never slept together, probably never even kissed, and it’s still made abundantly clear that they’re each other’s person. Alex stating that he intents to grow old with Bobbie (I think that was book 7? I’m not crying you’re crying); Bobbie worrying all the time about Alex’ safety and that he feels like he’s missing out on things like being with his son because he’s out fighting Laconia with her; the fact that he’s the only one who can get to her when she would have punched anybody else - I don’t know, they do more for me than any of the romantic couples, and I already said how much I love those. Bobbie and Alex share all of the positive traits that the romantic relationships have, but their bond is presented in a much less conventional format. It says that relationships not based on romance and/or sex can be just as lasting, committed and loving as romantic relationships, and I need to hear that more often.

Which, of course, made it all the more devastating when Bobbie died. It made sense for the narrative - with Clarissa dying at the end of Persepolis Rising, and Bobbie now, we’re down to the original Roci crew, and it solves the captaincy confusion that was part of the problem in Persepolis Rising. And I guess it also made sense for her character in that it’s a fitting death for her - it shows off all of her best personality traits from her loyalty to her crew and her convictions to her military genius, and it’s just generally badass. It still makes me very sad, though, because it’s the end of this beautiful bond that my ace ass needed, and watching Alex grieve is heartbreaking. I love Alex to pieces, he has such a caring soul, and those scenes after the battle against the Tempest where he’s working himself half to death over his grief and guilt while knowing perfectly well that he’d have killed the entire crew by trying to save her - those were absolutely awful. But as much as my heart bleeds for him, Bobbie dying also brought me one of my favourite moments for him as a character and for Naomi and Alex as a family, namely when he returns to the Roci and talks to Naomi about what it’s like to have lost Bobbie. It goes like this:

“[Naomi] ‘I am so sorry about Bobbie. I cried for a whole day.’ Alex looked down and away. His smile shifted invisibly into a mask of itself. ‘I still do sometimes. It’ll take me by surprise and it’s like it’s happening again, for the first time,’ he said. ‘Thinking about Jim does that to me.’

This direct comparison between Naomi losing her lover and Alex losing Bobbie is, to me, the ultimate confirmation that their relationship was just as loving and committed as the main romance of the series. Plus, Alex freely admits that he cries a lot, which is, of course, a normal reaction, but also such a good example of a healthy kind of masculinity that he shares with Fayez, for example. Their partners taking point is not presented as a sign of them being incompetent, unimportant or “emasculated” because it doesn’t take away from their personality in any way. It just shows that they have different, equally admirable strengths that form part of their personality - not their gender identity.