#i have no commentary to give. i wish this was all written a little better since its literally just

[arvoze]

[3/3] HHNFLARTAS - what's done is done

hell hath no fury like a rescue team association scorned not a fic or anything, i just ramble a lot about my pmd ocs in a digestible format that's more or less that kind of content. random yearly event for rescue teams. covers no more than like, one week of VV content

[ 1 / 2 / X ]

the rescue team association #1, again

there comes a point where it gets complicated. the RTA can't let you pass just because you completed their challenges -- you could cheat to win, and that wouldn't be reliable, after all. there's a million and one technicalities to consider.

yes, keith's team saved the rescue, who came back safe and unharmed. they also secured the item at the end of the dungeon. so what gives?

you never split the team. the rescue takes priority.

but they did the rescue. does it really matter? you can't just go off of stuff like this. there's specifics to it. it's a case-by-case basis.

both parties are right, in their own way. it's not a black and white case.

..

in the RTA's defense, they aren't wrong. you've got to consider how their actions would come across out of context.

a rescue has been secured. a member has split from their team, taking the rescue with them.

they split from the team. this puts them in immediate danger. they also have the rescue with them, so they're endangering the rescue as well.

if the solo member is incapacitated, the rescue is at incredible risk. the member is also at risk.

team splits can cause multiple problems to arise at once. it may also be seen as a disagreement.

extreme measures had to be taken to ensure the remaining members completed their goal.

the usage of a flood orb is not commonplace. team inventory will not always have this item available. it cannot be considered a reliable solution to a problem.

relying entirely on one item makes you a liability. it can be considered an easy way out.

the monster house was not fully defeated, simply temporarily disposed of. if the orb failed to work, the team would not have survived.

if the rescue was there, they could have been swept up in the confusion.

their general behaviour may be seen as too immature and unreliable.

this only checks out if they're monitored during their dungeon run. the three have a lot of chemistry with eachother, and have a lot of banter together. when you're unaware of how they talk to eachother, it can be seen as constant bickering and arguing.

regardless of how seriously they take the job when it's required (since they don't really like to be tense the whole way through), they have lapses of silliness and tomfoolery. this is because the RTA is incredibly boring and hate fun.

they barely even survived. let's be honest.

this is self-explanatory.

the rescue team association #2

in the defence of keith's team, you'd have to consider the following:

a rescue has been secured. mike has split from the team, taking the rescue with him.

he split from the team, a mutual agreement between all three members. they decided that this was the best way to get the rescue to safety. mike is strong and fast enough to get the rescue out of the dungeon with his remaining energy.

mike didn't become incapacitated. and if he was close to such, he can take matters into his own hands to really save his skin, and, more importantly, the rescue.

there was no disagreement, and mike was going backwards. he wasn't taking any new paths and discovering new things/triggering events. he was simply backtracking, taking the safest routes.

the rescue plant, an undetermined pokemon of undetermined rescue knowledge, agrees that this was the best decision to make given the circumstances.

extreme measures had to be taken to ensure keith's team could complete their goal.

this is because luwel prepared for the worst. when you plan for a rescue, you already know what kind of environment to expect, so you prepare thusly; this is no different. if it were a real job, and keith's team were the only pokemon available, it would be the exact same -- luwel would prepare the very same items as he did for this adventure.

they had the flood orb, which meant it was available to them at the time. a problem was predicted, planned for, and then solved. this is how it should be.

keith's team did not rely on a singular item. instead, luwel took the time into planning out the right items to carry with them, getting a rough estimate on the dungeon size and how difficult the job would be. to say the item is the sole reason they survived is to completely undermine luwel's ability to plan ahead.

a monster house does not have to be defeated in order for either goal to be met. if a third task was to defeat a monster house, then this would apply. but this was not the case, so it does not.

the rescue would have been accounted for. keith's team will make quick decisions, but they will never forgo the rescue to make them. the rescue, had they been present in the room at the time of the orb's use, would have been given a heads-up, and the team would take the initiative to keep the rescue safe before using the orb. additionally, the rescue was not even there at the time.

keith's team communicate with eachother frequently, including having light conversation, as well as constructive discussions about eachother.

sorry that you're too unfamiliar with a good relationship to understand their dynamic. the rescue would state that despite the circumstances, they did feel that keith's team had great communication. this is a non-issue, and exists just to make the cause for failure bigger than it actually was.

there's a lot of back-and-forths. guildmaster rime is not happy with the results.

the rescue team association #3

truth be told, there's… really not a lot that the team can do about the situation. what's done is done. they can fight their case if they really wanted to, but it's just resources wasted. as far as they're aware, at least.

guildmaster rime has always been in keith's team's ballpark. hell, keith is like a son to him, he is a son to him -- keith's going to inherit his guild, for goodness sakes! how can rime be succeeded by someone who failed the master trials for no real good reason? it won't do. it just won't do. the guildmaster is typically in agreement with the RTA when it comes to grading, as a seasoned explorer himself -- but to not consider keith's case? to fault them on technicalities alone? it's not right. it isn't fucking right. he'll do something about it. or at least, try to.

as a guildmaster, rime has some form of contact with the RTA. it's a required system in order to have a guild be truly recognised in the world, and additionally mandatory for any teams to earn ranking points. he drops a line of inquiry into the guild's connection orb, but there's been no response for several days. despite his grievances with the system, rime knows better than to push.

..

the boys have already forgotten about it, for the most part. they're discouraged, but they know in their hearts what they truly are: a good team who did the right thing. keith tries to distract himself by ranting and raving about the process of getting another flood orb. luwel's been trying to distract himself by writing up varying arguments to plead their case, which isn't really a distraction at all. mike is… unbothered. he cares, but doesn't have enough faith in the system, and settles more on the idea of "we know our truth and that's that, if they can't see it that's on them". every time luwel brings up a possible counter-point, mike gives him a thwap on the head. "best to keep it to yourself," mike says. "i dunno if keith can take it".

they cross paths with team PB&J occasionally, who, against all odds, ranked in the top 100. keith would say it was a total fluke that they did, and truthfully, he's right. it pisses him off further.

..

it's been about a week. the RTA responded to rime, after sending a rotom drone or two out to survey the boys. none of them noticed. nothing really fun or exciting to report on. the drones were simply just monitoring their day-to-day, to see how they've decided to take the results. it's invasive, and certainly not something they consented to, but the RTA can do whatever they want if you more or less work for them. thankfully, they do not find luwel's musings, as he gave up before the first surveillance.

rime's call is short-lived. there's not much to say, according to the RTA. the final findings were, essentially, "agree to disagree". they'd argued that because the case wasn't black and white, a true, rightful verdict couldn't be settled on; this uncertainty meant it was safer to fail keith's team than it was to pass them.

nobody had the desire to combat the RTA of all people about the decision any further. failing due to just barely missing the mark was better than failing due to sheer ineptitude, which lead to some sort of small victory for the team in the end. at least we aren't total failures, i guess, keith would think to himself.

not that they'd expected things to go their way. they knew that by now.

..

end.

[genoskissors]

Analysis and Theories of Jataro Kemuri’s Mother

I break down sentences of the letter written by Jataro Kemuri’s Mother and interpret their meaning as well as attempting to understand her feelings. Just to clarify, I acknowledge she is an awful person. This is an attempt to understand her, not defend her.

And, to address the elephant in the room, the reason I am writing about a character no one cares about as opposed to my beautiful and wonderful beloved is because if I wrote about her, we’d be here all year.

Also: The note contains four paragraphs, but I have them broken up to make this easier to understand and comment on.

Title: “I Shouldn’t Have Had Him”

Little commentary here, but just note how she is saying “him”, meaning she is addressing herself or another, not Jataro directly.

“There's so much I can do if my son didn't exist. So much I could have done if I never had him.”

The clear things we can make out from this are that Jataro’s mother views him as the sole obstacle in her way. She doesn’t say she wants to kill him, but rather, she wished he never existed at all. Keep this in mind for later. It’s less clear what the circumstances are behind his birth.

While you can interpret this as Jataro being a mistake, it is also possible she wanted Jataro, only for events to lead her to regretting him. Personally, I’m inclined to believe the latter. When she says she “shouldn’t have had him”, she’s specifically referring to giving birth to him, not conceiving him. She doesn’t say she shouldn’t have had sex or shouldn’t have gotten married, she says had him. It implies that Jataro was conceived on purpose, only for his mother to realize it was a mistake afterward. She also named him Jataro, meaning “snake son”. We don’t know if this is a name she liked or if she named him this out of hatred.

There’s no mention of Jataro’s father from either him or his mother, so it’s safe to assume he’s completely out of the picture or not present enough. It’s possible she was formerly in a better situation and something happened. She says something that can be used as a clue, but that’s not until the next lines.

Another thing, she doesn’t just blame Jataro for existing, she blames herself for allowing him to exist. She could have said “So much I could have done if he didn’t exist”, “So much I could have done if he wasn’t here”, “So much I could have done if he died”, but she inserts herself into the blame here. Jataro’s mother says if “I never had him”, meaning she accepts responsibility for being the one to ruin her own life.

“I could have obtained qualifications and licenses, taken lessons, worked more.”

Now here’s that clue I was talking about. Of course, anyone can take lessons, but the combination of these things sounds, to me, like she was fairly young when she had Jataro. These all sound like her youth, which includes twenties, was cut short. She still had time to be something bigger. Jataro’s mothers starts this off saying there much she “can” do, but follows that up with saying there are somethings that are now in the past that she “could have” done. I’ll stop with my theories for now.

It is also known that his mother is likely a workaholic. On top of this sentence, Kotoko refers to Jataro as a “latchkey kid”, which is a child who returns home from school to an empty home because their parent(s) are working.

“Instead, my entire life is just a platform for my son's life.”

Jataro’s mother says that she now has no life separate from her son. There is no time for herself. This further implies that she is now a single parent. She previously stated she wanted to work more, but it was for her own goals. She wanted to work and have her own achievements, but now she feels her purpose has been reduced to merely providing for someone else. She can’t go back and get an education because now she is too busy providing for Jataro. Why can’t she get an education after he’s out of the house? Because at that point she feels like her life is done. She now exists only to care for Jataro, which is why she cannot imagine a future in becoming something greater.

“I think about it every night before I go to sleep. If I woke up in the morning and my son was dead, how splendid would that be?”

Here’s where it’s clearly starting to get to her. She thinks about it every night. She desperately wants to wake up and see that she is free again. If Jataro dies, she now has one less person to keep alive and gets back her personal life.

She also sees his death as nothing but good news. But, like I mentioned earlier, she hasn’t expressed any desire to kill him. She just wished something else would come in and fix her life for her.

“But every time I wake up and see him, I sigh. Why are you still alive? Why do you have a normal life?”

Now, this isn’t really important to her character, but the way Jataro’s mother phrases this could mean that Jataro gets up earlier than she does. She says “see him” but if he was dead he’d still be visible. She could mean it as “seeing living”, she doesn’t wake up and go to his room, she wakes up and sees him at some point.

She asks herself a question that is obviously towards Jataro, but she’s not asking him this. Jataro says his mom hates him, but only says what she told him, never what she asked him.

“Why do you have a normal life?” Holds two statements in one. First, she’s showing jealously. She’s asking how come he has a normal life, but I don’t? Why is he living as if he isn’t ruining her life. Second, she thinks his life is normal. Rather than acknowledging his toxic environment and his mask, I think she says normal as in happy. She knows she mistreats him, but wonders why he still wakes up and lives another day, because to her, it’s exhausting.

“I yearn for the day he stops being healthy and stops growing and just disappears. That's all I want. Why can't you just do something that simple for me?”

Another example of Jataro’s mother wanting him gone but not saying she’s going to harm him. The term yearn also cranks up the desperation tenfold. She then acts like his death or disappearance wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

Personally, I think it’s apparent she still has a sense of responsibility towards her son. While being outright abusive, she still never attempts to physically hurt him. She is the provider of his food, but doesn’t attempt to stop him from being healthy. She just waits for it to happen someday.

It could be feelings of weakness. She feels like it’s her sole purpose to provide for him, so the idea of killing him never even crosses her mind.

“I want him to die so badly it makes me cry. And the fact that he has such a worthless face just makes me even more sad.”

At this point, she’s overworked and tired. She’s become depressed from how badly she craves a new life.

Notably, she still doesn’t mention his father. Her hate for his face comes purely out of hate for him and it’s because he looks happy. When she tells him that he’s ugly and all these terrible things, it’s because she can’t handle the idea that he could have any success in life. The idea that he could have a good life after being what ruined hers.

Another thing not commonly known is that Jataro actually made his mask himself, but his mother is the one forcing him to wear it. It’s a bit unclear how this happened but my ideas are that she forced him to make something covering his face. Jataro is genuinely convinced there’s something wrong with his face and asks why she would make him wear the mask. The only way I can think is that he made it at her request and wore it.

“It makes me think I'm the one who's wrong. I shouldn't have had you.”

When his mother looks at Jataro’s face, she shows empathy for a second. She looks at his innocent face and thinks that she’s the bad guy for hurting him. However, she quickly ignores that thought. Again, she says I shouldn’t have had you. Despite addressing him previously, this “you” feels more direct. She isn’t asking rhetorical questions, she’s asking outright. Now, it still might be a secret from Jataro, but it’s clear she had a piece of her that wanted him to see this.

She closes this off with calming down from talking about him dying and reverting to simply seeing him as a mistake she made. She shouldn’t have given birth to him.

Conclusion (with Theory)

I think Jataro’s mother is someone who had a relationship and got pregnant when she was fairly young. Eventually, the father became absent and Jataro’s mother realized the life she had ahead of her if she didn’t have a child. She started to crave this dream and it led to her resenting her son, but also herself.

Thanks for reading all this. Sorry if it makes no sense, I’ve never been too good at writing.

[lalunanymph]

— 𝐁𝐄𝐉𝐄𝐖𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃

sae believed he's never seen you this pretty before; opening yourself up to him so that the tiny bejewelled heart—which was the same colour as his teal irises—peeked like a dirty secret from between your plush cheeks.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ cw. fem!reader, usage of toys, sae is soft for us (as he should), he treats us mf right, boyfriend!sae, established relationship, dirty talk, pet names, degrading names, flirtatious!reader, striptease, unprotected sex, nipple play, oral (m!receiving), fem!masturbation, spanking, sae is 27 and reader is in her mid-20s, reader is feminine coded (wears a dress/heels/earrings/makeup), sae in a suit i repeat sae in a suit

・❥・ 2.8k+ words (omg)

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ a/n. we as a community need to talk more about sae's butt fetish ♡ inspired by this thot.

the camera lights have all but melted into the backdrop and sae exhales softly in full relief.

he was never one for galas, anyway, and this was one of the biggest waste of his time. after an excruciating evening of tolerating lenses and lights shoved in his face, he’s halfway thankful that he has you by his side to keep him company.

you in your tight silky dress, pretty earrings, softly made up face and beautiful, patient smiles you gifted him the whole night when he was pulled to the side by annoying reporter after annoying reporter to give his commentary on the upcoming season; leaving you alone at tables with his other teammates to whittle the time away.

what a lukewarm evening.

he was halfway apologetic for the unintentional neglect he inflicted; but when you burrowed yourself into his embrace, his apathetic attitude lifted slightly, and a smile threatened to tease the corners of his lips.

“excited to go home?” his low, husky voice and the large hand kneading your hip slowly—surely—made you jolt ever so slightly.

if the older man noticed it, he doesn’t say a word.

you were acting off the whole night. despite how prettily you had scrubbed up for him, you winced with every step you took whenever his back was turned, sitting a little onto your side and even stumbled on your heels and had to hold on tighter to his bicep. a frown made its way onto his face, and sae demanded an update on your well-being more than inquired you of it.

"hey... what's wrong with you?"

the question drew you up short, and you squeezed out a nervous chuckle.

"h-huh? nothing. why?"

the hand gently palming your hip tightened the tiniest bit. "'cause you've been wincing all night. do your heels hurt?"

you don't get to open your mouth and tell him the truth before he's reaching forward and placing your feet in his lap, gently rubbing his thumb under the dip of your ankle’s bone.

sae has always been someone who was meticulous on the field and off it. you should've known better than to try and trick your boyfriend when he could sense a lick of underhandedness no matter which spatial expanse it occupied.

you pushed his hands away and murmured a hasty, "no."

sae pursed his lips, and you wanted nothing more than to kiss him. in fact, with your current predicament, you wish you could do more than just kiss him.

in his black suit and tie, hair slicked back slightly with pomade and reddish-brown bangs falling into his face from the gel which had worn out of its stiffness, he set a cacophony of fluttering warmth down your spine. impulsively, you clambered closer to him, pawing at his shoulders and bringing him close for one clumsy kiss.

the surprise written on his face was charmingly endearing, and he turned his gaze towards the window, a dusting of pink blooming on his cheeks. "oi. stop that," he muttered gruffly.

the driver in the front cleared his throat. you sat back on your side of the car, biting down on a grin from how simple it was to get your boyfriend blushing.

soon, you were both home, and the eagerness you exhibited in the back of the taxi kicked up a notch. sae barely has you past the door when you turn around, finishing what you started in the darkened interior of the ride back home, and pull him closer to you by the tie.

he lets you plant one more kiss on his parted lips, before his weariness kicked back in and he's leaning away, the shadow of a crease in between his brow. "what's gotten into you?"

once upon a time, his blunt words and demeanour would've hurt you, but after years of being with him—of loving him—you could tell it was because he was genuinely curious as to what has you completely all over him. your giggle draws something achingly tender from his chest, and his eyes soften minutely when you wiggled your brows deviously.

"why don't you undress me and find out?"

sae hates the effect you have on him; how from a simple sentence, you have the power to make him fucking throb all over. his curiosity (and dick) were piqued, and he cocked one brow in that haughty, handsome way that never fails to make you want to get on your knees and scrub that look off only to replace it with his expression crumbling into pleasure.

"oh?"

his voice has dropped down an octave, rumbling under your splayed palms on his chest. he looped you closer to him, that same bored look still on his face.

"colour me intrigue." he grabbed a fistful of your ass, squeezing earnestly. another red-brown cowlick droops from his forehead, and you gently brushed it back, the heat blooming in his chest sparking into a stronger flame. he nudged you further down the hallway, closing the door behind him.

you watched in silence as he removed his jacket and yanked his tie off, tossing them carelessly onto the floor only to leave him in his dark slacks and white button down. the numerous trophies and awards lining the walls shine back his hungry stare, and for a split second, you’re not sure if riling him up was the best idea.

without another word, he brushed past you into the living room, sitting himself on one plush sofa chair; resting his elbow on the arm, those beautiful teal eyes of his inscrutable. however, his voice betrayed his latent excitement.

“show me,” he muttered swiftly. "strip."

a strict tone that had butterflies exploding like confetti in your lower belly.

you gulp audibly, fluttering your lashes from the nerves—once, twice—you summoned enough courage to meet the molten, teal pools of desire you had the privilege to call your boyfriend’s eyes; heat pooling like a simmering mess in your chest, leaving you shivering from head to toe.

you started with the zip of this gorgeous designer dress he bought for you with his black card, letting the diaphanous silk material flow down your body like a sensual waterfall. sae maintained his impassively cold gaze, not giving you a hint that he was unravelling from your little show; turning you on even more.

it was like a silent challenge, a twisted game you both loved to play.

sae would pose an implicit task for you to chip apart at his frigid demeanour—make you work hard to earn his approval through any method available at your hand—and reward you later with as many orgasms as you want that left you bed bound for at least a day and wincing whenever you took a step.

if he was fucked up, you were as messed up as he was. you loved his complex apathy; delighted in your triumph whenever you broke through his walls and unearthed the man who was willing to do anything and everything for you on his knees.

but first, you had to earn his attention.

your strapless bra went next, revealing the soft mounds of your breasts, gooseflesh erupting on the supple skin from his scrutiny. only your panties remained.

it was one of your favorite pair which sae had gotten for you during his last trip to spain. the same trip which spurred your thoughts down this sinful path.

hooking two fingers past the stretchy band, you curl them slowly, taking your time to tantalise his patience. he rewarded you with a hitched breath, those beautiful, aquamarine eyes never leaving your scantily-clad form. to an outsider peeping at the scene, sae appeared bored, one hand cupping his cheek and his legs crossed, watching you strip from his perch on the armchair like he was some king bestowing his presence unto you.

but, you knew better. the bulge straining against the front of his pants, the clench in his jaw and the light dusting of pink on his cheeks told you with more than words that he was as affected by your little game as you were.

it felt like your pussy has developed a heartbeat. your slick pooled hot and wet into the seat of your thong, and the little bejewelled butt plug you wore for him shifted slightly in the snug clasp between your ass cheeks.

you don’t draw it out for another second longer. soon, you were bare in front of him, heat suffusing across every pore of your body that you felt like you could combust and self-immolate at any given second.

his jaw ticked, disappointed frustration hidden behind a neutral drawl. “and what's the surprise?"

a dark thrill shot through you; you reciprocated his haughty question with a languid smile.

turning around slowly, you're halfway glad he let you keep your heels on because you knew it would push your ass up nicely, showing him in clear view what you intrinsically knew would drive him insane.

you gave him five seconds at most.

five. his breathing hitched.

four. you could almost hear his teeth gritting.

three. a soft groan emanated from his broad chest.

two. you could plainly imagine his desperate gaze raking up and down your body, lingering right at his favourite part.

one. "f-fucking hell..."

bingo.

he exhaled shakily, and you could taste his sudden arousal on your tongue. it hit you like a wave, making your thighs clench and your hips undulate; putting on a show for him.

"is that a...? oh, fuck..."

sae believed he's never seen you this pretty before; opening yourself up to him so that the tiny bejewelled heart—which was the same colour as his teal irises—peeked like a dirty secret from between your plush cheeks.

it made something carnal and masculine unfurl in his chest, a deep growl leaving his lips. your knees were trembling, not from fear, but excitement, and a single drop of your arousal was making its way down the plush terrain of your inner thigh.

at the sight of your blatant sensual delirium, his composure completely snapped.

"c'mere."

you turned around, hands primly clasped in front of you, although the dark look in your eye could make lilith herself blush.

his pretty, devious little slut.

you were barely a few inches from him when you were sucked into his ravaging orbit; sae immediately brought you onto his lap, your thighs splayed wide and the teasing peek of the metallic heart twinkling past your shiny pussy lips.

"wore this for me? tch. dirty girl."

his palm collided heavily with your right asscheek and you gasped sharply, almost smushing your face into the solid brick of his chest if it weren't for your hands bracing against his shoulders. your boyfriend was a complete goner: his pretty irises were dilated till only a ring of aquamarine surrounded the darkness pulsing hotly just for you; the tip of his pink tongue touching the corner of his mouth.

he looked like he wanted to devour you till you were a snivelling, wrecked mess.

the want melting carnally in his eyes traversed to his rough handling; his almost bruising grip on your soft globes, large hands kneading the plush flesh roughly. his teeth nipping out his frustration onto your turgid nipples. those long, slender fingers tweaked the metallic heart, teasingly twisting it in one full circle so it hit all of your sweet spots until you cried out and pinned your wet eyes onto him.

stop teasing and fuck me, they screamed. take me now, baby.

"knees," sae surprised himself by how hoarse his voice sounded. he would've blatantly cringed at his desperate command for you to get on your knees, if you didn't rush to comply and please him. the image of you perched demurely on your own heels, the teasing teal wink of the plug and your desperate eyes on him has itoshi sae suddenly believing in miracles again.

he fumbled with his zipper, and you helped him, rewarded by his blushing head slapping your chin lightly. you hollowed your cheeks and took him down without another word, feeling the hard flesh throb on your tongue.

sae ran a hand through his hair, soft curses spilling from his lax lips. the action ruffled his locks even more, breaking them from their stiff hold and causing more strands to fall into his half-hooded eyes. the taste of him, wholly familiar and erotic, stained your tastebuds and you hummed in happiness, nothing fuelling your desire more than to please your boyfriend.

"cockslut," he commented like he was pointing out the weather today and not how much pleasure his own girl derived from sucking his dick. the word held no degrading meaning, not when he was stroking your cheek, thumb rubbing tender circles onto your jaw.

but, sae didn’t let the softness last for long.

he reached forward and spanked your right cheek, the heat from his handprint making your pussy clench around thin air. in response, you wiggled your butt playfully, sloppily tonguing his swollen tip. sae leaned back into the chair and let you do your thing; humming when you deep throated him, cursing under his breath when you started to suck on his balls, and tossing his head back when you reached between your legs and moved the plug in and out of your gaping hole.

"fuck," he bit out, mouth hanging open slightly, entranced by the entirety of you. “so sexy.”

as for you, ecstasy boiled in your veins; the weeks-long buildup and anticipation as you were planning this little surprise for him almost leaving you giddy with sheer delirium. you had spent days prepping yourself for this moment in secret: painstakingly perusing every 18+ shop until you found the exact jewel butt plug that matched his eyes, stretching yourself out imagining it was him who was doing this lewd action to you.

"mhmm," you moaned around his dick. "mwore."

he heard your breathless plea, and brought you up onto his lap; spit-slickened and a little daze, but otherwise still so painfully desirable to him.

with one arm around your waist and his fingers absentmindedly pushing the plug deeper into your back entrance, sae gently eased you down onto his cock. the armchair creaked quietly with his growing thrusts, and you were clinging onto him like a vine.

his hot breath fanned across a neck, and one of his rare, short bursts of laughter left you under his spell. "fuck, baby. so perfect for me. so, so—mhmm." sae's words dissolve into slurry moans of your name, intoxicated by how well your pussy was squeezing down on him like a vice.

he was slowly losing his mind, and knew he had to have you—had to claim you as his forever. the little plug threatens to fall out of your hole, and he pushes it back in before surging his hips upward, head of his cock hitting your sweet spot.

your lusty mewls were as familiar to him as they were endearing, and he could tell from the hitch of your breath that you were close. "touch yourself," he murmured, teal eyes latched onto the spot where your bodies were joined together. "cum for me, y/n."

you did as he said, rubbing tight circles onto your clit and tossing your head back, strands of your hair tickling his arms. sae's locks were now hanging in his face, his composure dangling by a thread, too.

the infamously stoic itoshi sae, whose expression never faltered even for a moment on the field, had desperation and desire inscribed painfully on his features. from his scrunched brow, to his parted lips and lust-drowsy eyes, he was the epitome of pussydrunk.

you weren't fairing much better.

the coil in your lower belly was tightening, bit by bit, and the sloppy circles you drew on your clit made you hurt in the best way possible.

every inch of you was burning with desire for itoshi sae, and luckily for you, he was doused with a similar, spellbinding flame.

his mouth was on yours, smothering your keen of his name, and he spilled copious strings of white into you; claiming you again with his desire. sae felt like his heart would actually climb out of his chest when you expelled a soft rendition of his name, head thumping forward to rest in the crook of his neck; your release leaving you boneless and sated.

he held you close to him, running his large palms up and down your back; mapping the moles on your skin with his forefinger till you purred with contentment.

sae's lips pressed against your forehead, and the famous midfielder whose entire life was under scrutiny from fans and tabloids, would never show the world this part of him—this part solely restricted for your viewing pleasure.

"i love you." his whisper is paper thin, almost lost in the salt of your skin.

but, you heard it all the same.

you would be the only one he could search for in a crowd, or hear above roaring chants.

every inch of him would always find a place to rest in your embrace, and luckily for sae, there was nothing you adored more than being the home he could always return to.

"i love you, too."

his next words brought a laugh out of you, resting intimately side by side with the ever-loving enigma that made up itoshi sae’s complicated personality—the same one you would cherish for the rest of your life.

“next time, i’m taking your ass, baby.”

you rubbed your nose against his, pure love suffusing across your features, touching your smile.

“i’ll hold you to that promise, hotshot.”

© all works belong to lalunanymph. do not copy, repost or claim as your own.

[raddagher]

Arcane is over (😭) and I have some criticisms so here are my lists of who Won and who Lost in no particular order

LOST SEASON 2

1. Isha

Literally wasn't even mentioned after she died, like wtf was that

We couldn't have a memorial or anything? Come on

Her sacrifice was ultimately meaningless because Warwick got brought back anyway

2. Sevika

Didn't get a single line through all of Act 3

Where is my wife

At least she didn't die?

3. The entire Undercity, to be honest

Where did the independence thread go

Giving Sevika a council seat wasn't enough

I don't like that so many of them had to fight in Enforcer uniforms, that felt wrong

That was the MAIN CONFLICT for most of the show. It felt so weird to gloss over it at the end

4. Vander/Warwick

Gonna be real I wasn't super crazy about most of his presence here, I don't feel like it actually contributed much to anyone's development, except MAYBE Viktor's

We would not have lost anything if they didn't have the flashback scene with their mom

Super didn't like Jinx's ending as it pertained to him

5. Jinx

Hey I super don't like that every character who had a moment of suicide ideation or attempt ended up dead or "dead"

I don't like the way she "died" it didn't feel earned

I don't feel like the ending she got aligned well with her character at all. She spiraled and then just. stayed at the bottom of the spiral :(

They put a TON of family stuff in act 1 and 2 that didn't get resolution in 3

I think they kinda did my girl dirty I'm sorry

6. Loris

Clearly would have had more of a role if they didn't have to cut him for time

NEITHER WON NOR LOST SEASON 2

1. Vi

I want to say she won because she got to bang her cop girlfriend in a prison cell and the sex scene was good as hell but

She also was just taking massive L's the whole time

Like it never felt like she ever had any real wins other than that and that bummed me out

Didn't get enough time to be a dumbfuck with Jayce :(

Caitlyn

Didn't get enough proper resolution for her wonderful fascist arc

She felt a little dropped in Act 3 as well

Glad she got that Vussy tho, good for her

And I did like the vs Ambessa fight, that was also good

I honestly feel like Viktor and Jayce's romance was written better than her and Vi's, and as a gay woman who is constantly watching mlm relationships get so much more attention, it rubs me the wrong way

WON SEASON 2

1. Viktor (OBVIOUSLY)

The fucked up robot army. The religious imagery. The body horror. His robot alien design is scary as fuck. Absolutely incredible work

Got to be taller and stronger than Jayce hooray

They're canon. That was the gayest shit I've ever seen in my life

I do wish they had spent more time overall fleshing out more of the disability commentary, I feel like it was a little lacking in the end

Nevertheless BEAUTIFUL and HORRIFYING and TRAGIC

2. Jayce

See above

Yeah he also got to be a big hero and got to be resolved really well

Did NOT see his death coming that was crazy

They Magnus 200'd his ass, damn

He chose Viktor over everything I'm emo

They made a heart when they touched their foreheads together fuck OFF

3. Heimerdinger

Literally just living his best life

Love that he didn't tell Ekko he can't die, he just let the poor boy think he got fuckin atomized, king shit, that's hilarious

I would have stayed in that universe too tbh

4. Ambessa

The single tear over Kino. Her love for her children at direct odds with her need for control. Her arc was explored so well

Died a warrior's death at the hands of her brilliant daughter, I know that's how she would have wanted to go

Also was very hot in every scene. Good for her (and good for me)

She just got a lot of love from the writers and I'm very happy to see that effort put into an older Black woman character

5. Mel

Speaking of gorgeous Black women

I was so worried she was going to get dropped but her ending was SO good

Her glow up with the gold is fantastic, she looks amazing in the white hood

Love that they gave her abilities that would inherently change her priorities AND gave her the throne of Noxus, I have high hopes that she'll be prominent in another show in the future

They made her such a powerful badass but still let her be merciful and forgiving. Absolutely amazing. She is the wolf

6. Ekko (?)

On the fence about him

LOVED the au scene. Perfect

And I loved that our boy savior got to be the one that set off the bomb that stopped Viktor

But he was kind of dropped otherwise? Like what happened with his tree?

Generally wish he had more development and screentime in this season

But I'm happy he was so pivotal to the climax

AND I'm happy he got to kiss Powder. He and Jinx would never have worked out

7. Maddie

Haha I never liked you. Get fucked you horrible little bootlicker. Typical cop

8. Singed

How come YOU get everything you want?

Fuck you.

Basically all my criticisms boil down to it feeling rushed overall. It's clear that they intended to have more time, and that breaks my heart. We all know Netflix's reputation for cancelling stuff out of the blue, and I've heard that maybe certain parties were unhappy with the depictions of gay romance and realistic social revolution. Whatever the reasons, I wish they had a third season, because I think they could have solved every problem I have with it. Regardless, it's an incredible work of art and very likely one of if not THE best animated series ever made.

[i-want-my-iwtv]

I will be delusional as I want BUT I'll pretend that tom cruise going back to Warner Bros means we'll finally get the deleted scenes from the iwtv please please manifesting

🙏🙏🙏 Anon, embrace being delusional! I wish! If anyone's connected with Warner Bros please please tell them we want the deleted scenes!

Anyway since we're on the topic... over the years I've talked about wanting the cut scenes, and I wanted to reflect for a moment on why we want them. I think we want them because, like a delicious cake, once it's all consumed, we still look at the serving plate, hoping we can still lick the icing off the knife, or maybe the baker has some leftover cake back in the kitchen?? Or maybe they can tell us that the secret ingredient to intensifying the chocolate is ESPRESSO... We just want another taste so badly! We want to know the secret ingredients that set it apart from other cakes. And some filmmakers know that, and sometimes they're happy to share the cut scenes on a DVD release, maybe with commentary as to why the scenes were cut, like:

"Here's a scene were Louis kills a priest and ultimately we had an overall run time limit of 2 hours, but it was otherwise a perfectly good scene."

"Here's part of a set of scenes we shot early on where Lestat shows mortal Louis what killing entails, and although we loved it, we ended up improving the Lestat makeup & hair a few weeks later, and for the sake of continuity we had to cut it bc we couldn't go back to that location to reshoot, or it would have taken too much time to fix in post, etc."

Giving over the cut scenes is a little like an artist showing the scrapped versions of a painting composition, and that's fine when the creator wants to invite the viewers into their artistic process, but I think the IWTV filmmakers at the time (and for years after) really wanted the '94 movie to be serious* to the point that releasing cut scenes could have undermined their overall vision... maybe they simply didn't want to invite the audience into their creative process.

(*Serious, BUT there was certainly plenty of beauty, charm, dark humor, intimacy, desire, so much more! Maybe the filmmakers cut scenes that THEY felt didn't mesh well with the overall story they wanted to tell, like putting together an outfit and choosing accessories that go better rather than others... you know?)

WITH THAT SAID... What cut scenes would you have liked to see? That's what fanfic and fanart are for, so tell us and maybe someone will be inspired to create it for all of us 💝

IF Tom was still part of VC at all... one of my personal fantasy casting ideas was to have Tom play the Marquis in TVL, and now he's really old enough to do it! 😅 Can you imagine?? Tom playing his own horrible father! Cast younger actors to play kid!Lestat, teen!Lestat, etc.?? Tom!Marquis showing obvious preference for his two older brothers and being horrible to Gabrielle... it could be amazing.

Obviously it wouldn't be adorable like this but... I've always loved Tom Cruise characters when he interacts with kids and teens, he's always seemed very in touch with his inner child, even when that inner child is more of a 12 yo brat. Whole novels could be written on his layered performances with child and teen actors, but for now, just a few thoughts...

^From Jerry Maguire. I can't quite articulate why this was so compelling... iirc, maybe because his character is really frustrated/demoralized in this scene, and there's something comforting about a kid naively telling you that "the human head weighs 8 pounds," as if to say, "Your problems are not really as big a deal as you think they are; live in the present moment." And Tom in this character seems to absorb that deeper meaning and it gives him some relief, it's a step towards his character's growth.

When Tom played Ray in War of the Worlds, he had a teenage son, and there was a heartbreaking scene where Ray had to choose between protecting his son or his daughter. From That Moment In:

Desperate to keep his family together, Ray is forced to leave the terrified Rachel alone for a moment as he puts his weight on Robbie and forces him to the ground as the air around them lights up with smoke and tracer fire. Meanwhile, another couple, fleeing the madness, sees Rachel standing by herself and attempt to rescue her, not knowing that her father is nearby. Looking back, Ray sees this and becomes torn between his children, not wanting to lose either but forced to choose. Robbie assures his father that this is what he wants, “I want to see this,” and to please let him go, which Ray finally, achingly, submits to, seeing that Rachel is being whisked away. Father and son say goodbye as Robbie runs over the crest and Ray rushes down to get his daughter as a hellfire of explosion overtake the hills, giving us the impression Robbie has met his end.

I just love the idea of Tom playing the very character that had caused so much pain for Lestat, that Lestat was always on defense from that man, looooong after he died. Despite all the torment the Marquis inflicted on Lestat, Lestat still gave him a comfortable place to live out his last few years, the roles pretty much reversed as happens with aging parents, Lestat actually nurturing this man (not always in the kindest way but still!) in his feeble old age... and couldn't bring himself to even kill him out of mercy.

Nature & Nurture, Lestat was damaged by his father genetically and emotionally in his formative years, and so much of Lestat's bravado and verbal attacks seem to be a shield for the awful feelings of growing up unloved, unwanted, and beaten for expressing his own desires. So much so that even in canon he often expresses the intensity of his desires far more eloquently and frequently in the narration than he's able to do verbally, even with the characters he cherishes the most. Because to express his love exposed himself to losing it.

Tom could for sure pull off a performance that would capture the Marquis, because he essentially played Lestat with the qualities of a victim perpetuating some of the abuse he suffered from the man who was supposed to be (and was!) his role model for becoming the man he became. 😭

[megamindsecretlair]

I was wondering how you stay consistent with all the fics you be posting. Gurl give us the tea. You dropped like four back to back.

Lmfaooo, yall making me feel like im a fic addict 😭🤣🤣

See, what you do is meditate for 2 hours straight, praying on your muse to beam ideas and writing straight to your skull. Grab an acorn, a candle (your favorite scent), red twine, and a bottle of henny. And make a circle...lmfaooo jk jk.

TL;DR: my mind never shuts up 🫠 never turns off, never stops running, and that energy has to go somewhere, okay 😭

I wish I could take all the credit. I am the one writing it. But I have a close group of friends who let me vent out my ideas or give me ideas on how to improve. They listen to my nonsense, love yall so gd much 😗 @planetblaque @westside-rot @babybratzmaraj .

Other times, the ask is just so detailed, so rich, that it sparks some inspo and I get to writing. I am so in love with the creativity yall have on here. Completely blown away by these ideas you request!

It also helps that I went to film school and was taught how to think visually. You don't have to go to school for that, you just have to expand how you currently think about scenes.

Most times, as mentioned, my brain doesn't shut up. Even when I'm sleeping. There's this running commentary in my mind where I'm constantly turning over fics in my head. I think about scenes, I think about dialogue, I think about sex positions. Half the time, I'm scatterbrained irl because I'm too busy fucking in my head 🤣🤣

I write in my head, if that makes sense. I have these loose scenes in my head that I kind of play around with. I attack the scene from multiple angles trying to think of what sounds better.

Soo, when I sit down to write ive already done half the mental battle. I've already thought about the characters, the scenes, the motivations, the positions. It's just a matter of sitting down and writing it and it flows. I re-read my own writing all the time. But *way* after I've written it and moved on.

There's still moments where I have to pause and think about what comes next. Theres still times where I have to picture what tf is happening 🤣 or what's being said. Or what they're feeling at the moment.

Truth is, I just like to write. I've been writing since I was 11. It wasn't until I re-joined Tumblr at age 30 that I fell back in love with writing. I always loved it. But at a low point in my life, I felt hopeless that no one would ever want to read my writing. I thought I should've just quit altogether.

But by writing on here, I discovered that writing is for ME. If im having fun, then i know you will. I wont lie and say its not scary. I post overnight because I dont want the anxiety of seeing comments and reblogs trickle in 🤧 but the one rule I had for posting my writing, was to write for me. Write for the little girl who thought she couldnt. Write for the little weirdo who loves marvel and has anxiety and constantly feel like im being rejected. Thats who i write for. Thank God I didn't quit 😍🥹 I never would've met any of you. I never would've grown as a writer.

Being here with all of you, sharing my writing, seeing your reactions makes my fn day every day 😭 it's because of YOU that I felt confident enough to write a book.

I didn't get here by accident, I just write. And write often. And I read often. I learn from every single person that posts on here. I learn from all the feedback you give me.

My brain ought to do something useful since it doesn't know how to sit the fuck down 😩😩😩

Sorry this was long? Hope this helped? Feel free to ask more? Idkidk. Its still weird talking about myself. Thanks for this ask though 😗😗😗

[bella-rose29]

episode 1 commentary - This Will Be Us

Lockwood and Co on Netflix

spoilers obviously (for both the books and the show), and I'm gonna put swearing even though I haven't written anything yet, I was apparently very in love with all three of them and also I was very feral about lockwood too (that's definitely a warning)

edit: definitely swearing, and also there's no context for most of this so if you don't know the show that well then good luck (and go watch it, it's really good!)

omg I just realised that the first episode starts with a ghost lamp and the last episode starts with a ghost lamp

cameron's voice omg

cameron's hands omg

I need to calm down it's like 30 seconds in

I love that before they show their faces they show all the equipment it really sets the vibe omg

"Greek fire, which should only ever be used indoors under carefully controlled circumstances" lol

don't think of another four, Lockwood, you don't remember the ones 6 you have

lockwood straightening up his tie and sniffing is so funny to me and idk why

I love that they use the shadow inside mrs hope's house!!!

"problem" being emphasised omg (I'm almost certainly reading into everything too much)

Cameron Chapman you beautiful beautiful boy

omg I just realised they switched lockwood and lucy's lines around??? in the books lockwood's the one who calls adults useless and I think that sets up his charm in the show so much better but also sets up their personalities much better? like lockwood is the charming smiley one that everyone loves, and Lucy is prone to being a bit of a menace

the way lockwood looks around at her after she says adults are useless 💀

mrs hope is so much posher than I remember her being

love that she just ignores lockwood and only talks to lucy

omg they swapped again, in the book lockwood is the one who says 'the cleverer one' after Lucy asks 'sarcastic or ironic?' - don't get me wrong I love this show so much but I feel like it takes away some of lockwood's childish-ness (idk if that's a word)? like in the books he's quite often just a silly little boy making jokes

his hands

I love that they have loads of green lighting

oh lockwood you silly little man you absolutely need chains

eat that biscuit luce (now I want a biscuit)

wooo ghost

yeah no shit lockwood

yeah no shit lockwood

"been too busy trying to make contact with the living" mood

"of course she is, she's dead" lockwood my man 💀

how the hell did Lucy manage to hold on to that painting I would have just fallen off and died

omgomgomg starting credits omgomgomg

ew mrs carlyle can go suck a dick

Lucy looks like she'd much rather be anywhere else in the world

ugh don't say that "gonna give me a smile, young lady?" fuck off

omg Lucy :(

I love that they show us the defences omg

Lucy and norrie omg

"the more proficient you become, the longer you'll live" how come that doesn't happen with lockwood then bc he's very proficient with a rapier but he has such a death wish

oh luce

"we'll be on the cover of every magazine" crazy how in the space of less than a year Lucy changes from being like lockwood and wanting to be "the most famous agents in the country" to not wanting her face on tv or on any papers at all

Marissa fittes? coming back? from the dead? whaaat that would never happen norrie don't be sillyyyy

THIS WILL BE US omg I never realised I always thought it was like 'oh, this'll be us' like George or lockwood saying that to Lucy when she first comes to Portland Row bc that's what people say when they're being walked back or something idk I just never realised it was Lucy and norrie???

is anything more lesbian than giving your solemn and binding promise to each other and then threading your fingers through her hair?

everything points to a type one bro shut the fuck up

"she changed everything" Marissa sure did

"closer to her than you'll ever be. closer to history" oh my dear Jacobs, you have no idea what lucy's gonna do

Paul you are so right you would love to meet George (kinda sad they didn't meet tbh)

Jacobs you prick

ngl that ghost sounds terrifying wtf

Paul don't be silly

don't be silly paul

idiots

Jacobs you prick

JACOBS YOU PRICK

what did Lucy trip over?

:(((( Paul :((((

no way that bastard didn't hear her screaming

JACOBS YOU PRICK

YOU DID HEAR CRIES FOR HELP YOU PRICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

can you tell I'm mad I was so angrily smashing that k key

norrie :(((((((

SHE DIDNT CAUSE THEIR DEATHS OMG YOU BITCH

omg parallel!! bc lockwood thinks he caused his family's death (especially jess') even though he didn't and Lucy didn't cause their deaths but she doesn't blame herself

"you are deader than dead" ooooo burn

where tf did she get that sellotape from

omg fittes building

is there anything more British than a really long queue

poor babygirl is hungry :(((

paused to read the paper cutting of lockwood and co's ad and I can just imagine lockwood telling George what to put omg "prestigious Psychical Investigations agency", "well dressed", "UNSUCCESSFUL APPLICANTS will include time-wasters, fraudsters and persons with criminal records" love the range there

also the address is literally just 35 Portland Row, London, like is there only one 35 Portland Row in the entirety of London??? apparently so

AAA PORTLAND ROW

AAA GEORGE

he looks and sounds so dead inside

omg it's so homely

she's a wimp

George wtf "see, told you so, okie-dokie"

heart eyes immediately lol (honestly same I love them both - the joys of being bi ig)

"hello, I'm Anthony Lockwood" hello, I'm your future wife

make the tea and drink the extra cup, George, that's what I would do

I love that he doesn't pressure her for the story!!! because he knows what that's like!!!

Anthony Lockwood chooses bourbons everyone

Skully!!!

George picking up his comic is so passive aggressive

are all of his family dead wtf?

he's so excited to talk about Harold beck

George is interested now ooo creepy cup

I love that Lucy and George immediately don't like each other

omg George's laugh

jokes on you lockwood's parents are dead (bad joke)

"deep armchair" I'm sure it is, Georgie.

"miss carlyle" bro

you can definitely give me a tour of the house anytime (especially your room)

"teen prodigy slays the competition" fuck yeah he slays

if you pause the episode and squint really hard you can read the article on the fencing matches he did and they actually wrote an article - my favourite quote (from what I could make out) is "Kipps attempted a few bold lunges but missed Lockwood each time"

also he looks so happy in the photo omg so baby

his hands

HIS HANDS omg I think I'm going feral for them

his smile ughhhhh

lockwood you're talking very fast I can't keep up

the face he makes when he turns the smoke jets on his fucking hilarious

literally this one:

also the way he stands??? I think I'm in too deep oh dear

"high security storeroom" sure honey tell yourself that

HIS SMILE

if lockwood was my landlord I don't think I'd have quite so much stress about finding a place to rent next year

HIS. SMILE.

"you saw those" yeah of course she did, they're in plain view bestie

"that's... if you'll take the job?" bro's so in love and he doesn't even know it yet (I need to stop using bro unironically bc it's making me sad)

HIS. SMILE.

can you tell I love his smile

George just spawning out of nowhere with no trousers on

if I didn't already know that Georgie really needs a wee I'd be able to tell from how he answered her questions before she'd even finished talking

AAAAAAA A A A AAAAAAAAAA

your honour I love him

ok but the apple core being left on a chair is such a boy thing my brother does that

bitch why do you wanna see his picture you've got the real thing right in front of you

ok but if he talked to me the way he talks to Lucy in the library I would simply pass away

"I want you to be part of it" OKAY SIR. OKAY.

"how do I know you're good enough for me?" cuts to him saving her life

he did not need to do that fancy kick off the wall but he did it anyway

okay but they hold each other so much it's ridiculous

why can't someone hold me like that

"ghosts don't have feelings" 🥺

"oops" lockwood I love you but you can't just break the circle

"you've done that already, try something new why don't you" 😭

oh no

fire

boy desperately calls out for his wife when she stares at a dead body instead of jumping from a burning building

[callmehere-iwillappear]

may have written Another cmh/dw crossover listen i j. i love them. uh. enjoy @remedyturtles

-

Leo doesn’t know how he got here – or why – but he would like it on record that he hates it. For one thing, no one can see him. Oh, sure, the Donnie here has goggles, but he hasn’t put them on once. Never mind the fact that he has no reason to, without knowing Leo is here. It’s not his fault – Leo knows it isn’t. Hell, it’s not anyone’s fault (besides whoever or whatever dropped him here without so much as a ‘have fun, I’ll pick you up in an hour’, and thanks for that, by the way).

But regardless of fault or lack thereof, it just… it reminds him too much of a time he’d rather not think about. When his family couldn’t see him, when they didn’t know he was there, when he was stuck watching them grieve and unable to do a thing about it.

It doesn’t help that he has to watch them interact with this universe’s Leo knowing that he doesn’t have that and never will again (even once the body is ready, it still won’t be the same). Oh, yeah, did he mention that? This universe also has a Leo. Which, to be fair, he should’ve expected going in, but it’d still come as a surprise to him when he walked into the living room to see another him just. Sitting there. 

Other-Leo can’t see him either, by the way. And yeah, again, he should’ve expected that. But some part of him had still hoped (irrationally, he knows it was irrational, he knows) that being the same person would grant him an exception.

Okay, they’re not actually the same person, not really. Versions of the same person, sure, but… there’s too many differences for Leo to say they’re the same. Other-Leo is missing an arm, for one, but more importantly… he’s still alive. And Leo’s glad about that, really! He is! He wouldn’t wish something like this on anyone else (okay, maybe a few people – or aliens – but shut up, that doesn’t count). And he wouldn’t be so selfish as to wish he could trade places with other-Leo. He just… wishes he was still alive, too.

Well. You can’t always get what you wish for. He knows that better than most. 

Anyway. He’s having a great time (no, that’s not sarcasm, why would you even think that) providing a running commentary to other-Leo and getting absolutely zero response back, when – something changes. Leo has no idea exactly what, but there's something different about other-Leo. Maybe it’s the way he holds himself. Maybe it’s the expression on his face. 

Or maybe it’s the way he almost seems like he's looking at Leo now, rather than through him. 

“Huh,” says other-Leo. “Am I hallucinating?”

Leo blinks. Looks behind him, then back at other-Leo. Blinks again, and points to himself questioningly. Because – what else would other-Leo be talking about? There's no way he should be able to see Leo without the goggles, but also, there's literally nothing else in this room he could be referring to. 

“Yes, you,” other-Leo says, and Leo's mouth drops open before he can stop it. “You definitely weren't here last time I was out.”

… What??

Leo has no idea what that means, but hey, more importantly – “You can see me?!”

He realizes a second too late that hearing might not be included in whatever fucked up package the multiverse has decided to give him this time, but other-Leo nods, so either he can in fact hear Leo or he's just really good at reading lips. 

“Should I… not be able to?” he asks, seeming genuinely confused.

“Uh. No??” Leo feels like he might be panicking. Just a little. He – look, he wasn't expecting to be able to interact with people here! “What – you couldn't before, why can you now-?”

“How long have you been here?” other-Leo asks, completely ignoring Leo's question. Maybe he can't hear Leo after all. Or maybe he's just being rude. 

“Like… a few hours,” Leo says anyway.

“Huh. Okay. I couldn't see you because you weren't here, then.”

And, sure, okay, that would make sense, except for the small fact that – “You couldn't see me five minutes ago, though!”

Other-Leo's eyes widen in realization. “Oh, right. I forgot not everybody knows about that. Yeah, that's because that wasn't me.”

And. 

HUH????

Leo gestures wildly, absolutely baffled, and other-Leo snorts. 

“I mean, I'm still a Leo. But this isn't my original body. I'm sharing it with this guy.” He raps his knuckles on his own forehead. “Not sure why I can see you when he couldn't, though. Oh – you can call me Sensei, if you want. Everyone else does.”

The word stirs up some – feelings in Leo, but he pushes them down. He doesn't know if this is. Well. That ‘Sensei’. Mr. Greatest Ninja That Ever Lived, Mr. Led An Entire Resistance Through The Apocalypse. And he could just ask, but. Well. Something in his gut twists at the thought, and he's not sure why. 

… Okay, maybe it has a little to do with the fact that asking would confirm whether or not the invasion happened in this world too, and maybe he doesn't particularly want to think about that and everything that’s implied along with it. Or maybe it’s that despite the talk he had with Casey, he still kind of feels like he could never possibly measure up to future-handsome-amazing him. But, y’know. Who's to say?

“So why were you so surprised that I can see you, anyway?” other-Leo – Sensei – asks. “Can most people not?”

Leo tries to think of a way to word it politely, before remembering that this is (sort of? Technically?) another him, and he probably doesn't need to sugarcoat it. 

“I mean. No? I kind of died. So. Surprise, ghosts are real, don't tell Mikey.” He grins awkwardly and does jazz hands. 

Sensei's face drops for a second, but he quickly picks it back up with a slightly strained smile and does his own jazz hands. Well, hand. “Ah, hey, me too. Bet that's why I can see you. Ghost solidarity or something.”

Leo would just like to reiterate, once again:

HUH???????????

“But – but everyone else can see you and interact with you!” he says, gesturing at Sensei's everything. Does he have some secret knowledge Leo doesn't? And if so, can he please share? Or maybe it's something exclusive to this universe, in which case, rude – but that still doesn't explain why Sensei can see him and other-Leo(????) can't – 

“No, I – okay, I explained this badly. This guy –” and he raps his knuckles on his forehead again. “Isn't dead. I am. It's how I ended up in his head.”

“Oohhh,” Leo says, like that makes literally any sense at all (spoiler alert: it doesn't). How does Sensei being dead equal being in other-Leo’s head? How come he didn’t end up a regular ghost like Leo? Or, y’know, a Hamato spirit?

“Who’re you talking to?” asks Sensei, dragging Leo out of his thoughts, and – what? He opens his mouth to say you, duh, but Sensei cuts him off again.

“Huh, you really can’t see him, then,” Sensei says, and Leo is about to be even more confused when he realizes – oh, right. Body sharing. The first bit must’ve been other-Leo, then, which means he still can’t see Leo even though Sensei’s there with him.

… God, Donnie would have a field day with this. Leo makes a mental note to tell him all of this when he gets back, because data collection. For now, though, he just watches Sensei-slash-other-Leo, who seem (seems?) to be zoning out now. He waits until their (his??) eyes focus again, looking at Leo – okay, still Sensei, then.

“Uh,” he says finally. “What was that about?”

“Talking with Leo,” Sensei says. “Er – my Leo, I mean. We should probably figure out a way to differentiate, actually, if you’re going to be sticking around.”

Leo shrugs. “No idea. I dunno what dropped me here or how long it’s gonna keep me here, so. Probably? I can take the L – heh, get it – since I’m the visitor here. Uh… I can be Leon, I guess?”

Sensei nods. “Works for me. Anyway, it seems like he can’t see you even when we’re both fronting. He actually thinks you’re, uh. Not real? But if I was gonna hallucinate someone, I don’t think you would be who my mind conjured up, so.”

… Okay! Leo – er, Leon – is just going to steamroll past the implications there and never think about them ever, actually. “Uh – yeah, yeah, makes sense. Can confirm I am 100% real, though not 100% tangible. Or. Y’know. Any percent tangible.”

……. Leon is also going to ignore the way his brain screams not real not real at him because Sensei is literally looking right at him and TALKING TO HIM holy shit can he NOT do this right now –

“Mhm, I figured,” Sensei says, voice softened, and god Leon really hopes Sensei didn’t catch his brief existential crisis because how embarrassing would that be? “Like I said, it’s probably some kind of ghost solidarity. That’s my guess, anyway.”

“Probably,” Leon agrees, pasting his grin back on. Though, if anyone would be able to see through it, it’d be another Leo, so it might be pointless anyway. But still. He has an image to maintain, okay?

“Sooooo,” Sensei says, and even if they aren’t the exact same person, Leon knows himself well enough to recognize the spark of mischief in his eyes. “Wanna take advantage of that fact to mess with him?”

Leon’s grin turns real, and he nods. “Oh, hell yes.” 

[stabs-cake-with-salieris-dagger]

Recently I've made some interesting and surprising findings about mor that seem lesser known in the fandom (or maybe I just don't dig deep enough) Also I accidentally hit ctrl z while almost finishing up the post that I spent the past hour or so typing and it deleted most of what I've typed......... with tears I retyped everything again SIGH (resulting in me not proofreading any of this) 1. So I remember seeing somewhere that says mor has both Mozart and Salieri's compositions, which I thought it was false because it's all Mozart as far as I know. Until one day I actually looked at the credit a bit closer and found this:

This is the music that plays before victime de ma victoire. Mozart wrote fortepiano variations at 17 years old of Salieri's aria, so they really just used Mozart's version of Salieri's piece from one of his most popular operas???? It made me kind of mad but also this felt like a meta commentary considering it's associated with victime de ma victoire scene. It's a self aware song where Salieri is regretting, trying to come to terms of what he's done, and 'predicting' his failure. It serves as a commentary of the whole Mozart and Salieri matter beyond the scope of the show and ends in "J'ai perdu pour l'Histoire (I lost for history)." In this case it does feel like Salieri is being pushed aside in one of the worst possible ways, and I really wish some of his music could have made their ways into the musical properly. 2. I found a Playbill article talking about mor being in the middle of being adapted into English for Broadway in 2012...... which honestly I'm really glad it failed because I don't have faith that it'd be good. There's already the example of tdv, and the way they talk about it just doesn't seem... great, such as “bring shape and focus to the musical for American audiences” and "When the French write musicals, a lot of their songs are written like pop singles placed contiguous to each other, while on Broadway, it's necessary to have a storyline and a semblance of relationship.” Pop French musical isn't everyone's cup of tea and that's of course normal but the way it sounds like they're going to really Americanize it and rewrite it majorly and by storyline and relationship I take they mean needing musical motifs, reprises, and such. Just makes me feel they should just write a whole new musical?? And maybe it's just me but the tone sounds a little patronizing too? Though I do wish they could have released the cd and dvd in North America just because I'm Canadain lol Also curious if there was a time staging mor in Quebec would have been viable. 3. I spend too much of my time watching mor clips, but I've somehow never looked at performances pre proshot until recently. There were a few changes in the ~2 month (if my memory serves) between premiere and first proshot made to vivre a en crever that surprised me. First 2 screenshots from this video, and the rest from this one.

First of all, no handshake at on se reverra???? It's giving 2 bros chilling in the hot tub 5 feet apart cuz they're not gay

This is a little hard to see but Salieri is kneeling beside the wall as Mozart departs and it had me screaming ;; I know Laurent did kneel but I didn't know it was a thing in the French tour. This video gives a sliiiightly clearer silhouette of him kneeling but he's also blocked by Cavalieri.

Constanze running up to grab Mozart and refuse to let him go really had me by surprise and it's so heart breaking ;;;; I've been debating whether I like this better or the one that they ended up using where she just reaches out to him from the bed, because it kind of changes the tone of the scene.

Anyway thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. There's so many analysis posts I'd like to do but I simply don't have the energy to.... but if anyone wants to talk about analysis I'm more than happy to ramble lol

[eyreguide]

Storytime for Grownups - a podcast reading of Jane Eyre

I recently received an email from Faith Moore, creator and podcaster of Storytime for Grownups, who is releasing a free podcast audiobook version of Jane Eyre - with commentary to help readers understand some of the out-dated references and words. I just started listening to the show and love Faith's voice for Jane - it's very welcoming and serene. And this seems like something all readers and Jane Eyre fans can enjoy - for the fans it's nice to hear someone read the story with background information, and for any new or young readers this might be a great way to understand the story better as they listen. I asked Faith some questions about her experience reading Jane Eyre and her podcast. Please enjoy the mini-interview below, and listen to her show wherever you find podcasts!

1. What is your "Jane Eyre" origin story?  When/Why did you first read the novel and what were your first impressions?

I think I was around twelve years old when I first read Jane Eyre. It wasn’t at all the kind of book that I normally read at that age. I loved to read, but I struggled with “old fashioned” books. The language always felt inaccessible to me and I could never really get into the classics—I was much more comfortable with The Babysitter’s Club or Matilda. But my family took me to see a stage production of Jane Eyre and I absolutely loved it. I fell immediately in love with Mr. Rochester and could tell—at a visceral level—that this was a great story. So I found a copy of the book on my parents’ bookshelf, pulled it down, and began to read. The things we do for love—love of Mr. Rochester I mean! The language was still really hard for me to understand, the bits of the plot that didn’t involve Mr. Rochester dragged, but it was all worth it for those Jane and Rochester scenes. I read the whole thing and I’ve never looked back. And, over time—and many re-readings—I’ve come to love the book in its entirety. To my mind, it’s a work of genius. 

2. Favorite quote from Jane Eyre (you can pick just the first one that pops into your mind!)

I return to the proposal scene again and again. The ribbon bookmark in my favorite copy of the book (I own four copies) always marks it. 

“Are you in earnest? Do you truly love me? Do you sincerely wish me to be your wife?”

“I do; and if an oath is necessary to satisfy you, I swear it.”

“Then, sir, I will marry you.”

“Edward—my little wife!”

“Dear Edward!”

“Come to me—come to me entirely now,” said he; and added, in his deepest tone, speaking in my ear as his cheek was laid on mine, “Make my happiness—I will make yours.”

3. What made you decide to start Storytime for Grownups and have you podcasted before?

This is my first podcast! The idea for the show came to me because of my own struggles with reading the classics. You’re always being told you ought to read the classics—and you should!—but what if you literally can’t? My first idea was to somehow “translate” the old-fashioned language of classic books into modern English. But I came to feel that too much would be lost—the atmosphere and the characters are built through the language as it’s written. But then I realized that when I was an elementary school teacher, one of my favorite times in the day was storytime. When you read aloud to your students, you pause from time to time to make sure they’re still with you. You define a word, you summarize, you comment on the action. And I thought: I could do that for grownups with the classics! Each season of Storytime for Grownups, I read a book aloud, one chapter per episode. As I read, I pause from time to time to give brief explanations that make it easier to follow along. It’s like an audio book with built-in notes. Season 1 is Jane Eyre!

4. What is the most interesting thing you've learned so far while digging into the background or literary composition of Jane Eyre?

One of my favorite parts of the show is that listeners write in to ask questions about each chapter and I feature one or two questions at the start of each episode. The questions have been amazing and they’ve prompted me to delve really deeply into the text—even more deeply than I ever have before! One really interesting aspect that I’d never really delved very deeply into before is the notion of the supernatural and fairy tales/fairy stories. It’s a huge theme within Jane and Rochester’s relationship and I think it relates in a really fascinating way to Brontë’s exploration of religion and spirituality which flows throughout the entire book. 

Storytime for Grownups - Listen now!

[meta-squash]

Just for fun, yet another fic commentary inspired by @shamelessdvdcommentary

We Drag Ourselves Hand Over Hand Summary: Maybe it would have been better if he hadn't come back. Because absence apparently makes the heart grow fonder and at some point he realizes he's fallen in love with Ian Gallagher. At some point he realizes he fucking hates camouflage. At some point he realizes he wishes Ian could stay. In which Ian actually goes into the Marines.

Give us some stats - (when you wrote it, word count, how long it took to finish, is it a one-shot/multi-chapter, etc) It took me 3 weeks to finish this fic. I only know this because I mentioned it in my authors note. The fic is a 33,014 word oneshot.

What was the initial inspiration for your story? I wondered what would have happened if Ian had actually joined the Marines, but with Ian and Mickey actually kind of on the same page about their feelings. I had three scenes that I wanted to connect: Ian coming home from training before being deployed and reconnecting with Mickey and the two of them realizing that they want to be together but now can't be, Mickey and Ian saying goodbye at the airport a different time, and Mickey breaking his hand.

If the story is written from a character’s POV, why did you choose this character? It had to be Mickey, because Ian is gone. I really really wanted to go more into how the military exploits poor people, but I think I would have been better able to do it with an omniscient POV, not a fixed one. I don't think Mickey really gives a shit about (or is even aware of) the military targeting of low income communities for recruitment.

What was your favourite scene to write? It's a tie between Mickey breaking his hand/in the hospital/the moments after or the scene where Mickey picks Ian up at the airport and pulls him in for a kiss by his dogtags.

How did you come up with the title? Genuinely I have no idea. I don't remember at all where it came from. I'm absolutely terrible at titles, most of them have nothing to do with the fic and are gibberish. It's my biggest weakness.

Are there any little moments or references you hope readers will notice? I 100% stole the bit where Ian puts his face in Mickey's armpit and later Mickey doing it back from the film Lilting, starring Ben Whishaw (a beautiful but also very sad movie go watch it).

Was there anything you struggled to write? If so, how did you overcome this? I wasn't sure how to make the moments where Ian was home not repetitive and/or boring. I think I succeeded, just by injecting the constant awareness that Ian will be leaving again soon and this is so fleeting. I think it also kind of works to show how he's home for such short periods of time that it never feels like they can get closer or spend a lot of time together, it's either too shallow or too deep.

Favourite line in the story? Mickey wanted everything. He never wanted 'at least,' not with Ian.

Did the storyline change in any way as you wrote the story? Definitely. I was connecting 3 totally different scenes and I didn't really know where I was going. I don't want to totally spoil the fic but I actually didn't have the major climactic event planned from the start. I wasn't sure what I wanted to have happen. I originally had Ian coming home only once, but then I added a second time because it felt like I needed the relationship to develop more. I also added a bit more to one scene after I posted the fic, just based on the reactions in the comments. It was a scene I didn't realize was going to be so emotional for people, so I wanted to add some stuff to heighten that.

What are you most proud about in the story? (plot, characterisation, dialogue, twist/cliffhanger, etc) The twist, which I shall not spoil. I also really loved writing the Mickey and Fiona friendship in this fic, which is something I think was tragically denied us in canon.

Are there any deleted scenes that didn’t make it to the final story? I think I had Ian and Mickey talking on the phone another time, but I decided it wasn't interesting enough. I think I also had a much more fleshed out scene with Mickey and Fiona just being friends and shooting the shit, but it broke the flow of the story enough that I deleted it.

Are there any ‘behind the scenes’ info you’d like to share - e.g. what’s going on in a characters head in a certain scene or how you came to write a certain line? I actually did "research" and research for this fic. I don't know anything about the military and military leave and shit like that, so I did a little bit of googling and reading of blogs and articles so I could be at least vaguely correct even though I handwaved a lot of it. I also somehow found a youtube channel of a gay couple where one partner was in the military and the other was not, and I watched some of their videos and vlogs to kind of get a sense of like the interactions and events when people are deployed/come home or the feelings the civilian partner goes through, stuff like that.

Reading back the story now, is there anything you’d change or add? Again, I wish I'd made the scenes where Ian is home a little more emotionally charged and stuff. But I also kind of like the distance, because I think the feeling of "too little, not enough time to make it more" fits with what the actual characters are feeling.

Would you ever write a sequel to this story? Someone asked me to, but I definitely wouldn't. I just wouldn't be able to write a realistic sequel and I wouldn't really know what to do with Mickey's character development except maybe more friendship with Fiona. But I think the end of the fic implied that, so I don't even need that.

Were you nervous or excited to post this story? Neither, but I'm incredibly surprised by how many hits it's gotten. I expected it to be a fic that got nothing because it's an AU and it's sad as shit and full of pining. But somehow it's my 3rd most popular fic.

Anything else you’d like the readers to know about the story? I wanted this fic to capture the mundanity of missing someone; how after a while it starts just being a normal everyday thing until you realize you're treating it like a normal everyday thing, and then suddenly it's not anymore, and then you just go through that over and over. Also, season 5 of the show seriously squandered the potential for having the Gallagher siblings accept Mickey into their fold and become friends/a support system/partners in (mild) crime with him, so I really wanted this fic to have that, particularly with Fiona and Debbie.

[96percentdone]

Your ace attorney opinions are so valid and I wish they did aa5 and aa6 more justice? The characters are interesting and fun but when they play 52 pickup with each individual storyline it really shoots the collective narrative in the foot. From a gameplay standpoint, the stuff introduced in aa5 and 6 are fun and rly cool ways to expand upon the universe, and the Wright lie detection agency is fun, but it feels like. Idk. Like they didn’t trust their writers OR their fan base with their story. Idk if that makes sense? (I have similar beef with aitsf and aini though so,,,)

Yeah I honestly hold more contempt for AA5 and 6 than I do any other art I've experienced. Defenders of these games will posit the detractors are so fixated on AJ's plot they cannot see the merits of DD and SoJ, but I don't care about Kristoph's psyche locks, the untouched sibling reveal, or Apollo's 70000 backstories nearly as much as they suggest. Those things are annoying, but they are minor symptoms of the real issue: bad writing across the board. Most if not all culprits have store-bought motives that are thinly elucidated, if they're even elucidated at all, which impacts the writing of every case. If the cause of the suffering is a caricature, the victims end up similarly toothless. They are equally generic. AA has always struggled to write witnesses and culprits consistently well--there's a reason people talk about ace attorney middle cases like that for instance--but it's compounded by the frequency that it happens especially for the main characters.

The returning main cast are hollowed out versions of themselves. Trucy is just a quirky magician girl which they walk back a little in Spirit of Justice by giving her a focus case, and then she's back to being Quirky. Phoenix Wright is a generic mentor figure with goofy internal dialogue sometimes. Klavier is a rockstar prosecutor!!! That's it!!!! Miles Edgeworth is BACK, and because they worked on the investigations games you can kind of see why he's this big good figure, but Pearl and Maya are seemingly around just to be around cause they have nothing going on emotionally. Apollo is a stock dweeb except when he's stock Edgy as a result of one of his new poorly written backstories involving poorly written new characters who might not even be characters (looking at you, Clay Terran).

And the new main characters suffer just as much. Let's take Dual Destinies as a case study. Blackquill was convicted and imprisoned for a murder he did not do, something that changed him and shows in his scenes, in order to protect Athena, whose upbeat personality is only preserved because she is so traumatized by the events and her complicated relationship with her mother and hearing she cannot acknowledge it consciously. These are compelling emotional beats, it makes for well-rounded characters, but what's the payoff? Why did they suffer this way? Because some hired goon with no name and no face had a job at GYAXA to execute. In a better game, you could use Phantom's emptiness as commentary about how often the things that ruin your life don't have good explanations, but I will not be lending credit to that notion for this game, because void man is the origin point for "The Dark Age of the Law," which now also happened because it did, and it was a shallow idea from the jump.

"The Dark Age of the Law" is an simplified cartoon explanation for distrust in the legal system. Instead of people being flawed whether through selfishness (MvK, Kristoph) or trauma (Miles, Justine) lending itself to corruption, exploitation and injustice in systems meant to protect, leading to a myriad of reasons the public would be skeptical that the law serves them, they just feel that way because one lawyer got disbarred for evidence forging and one prosecutor was convicted for murder. Spirit of Justice largely takes place in a made up country with a tyrannical government that kills defense attorneys for assuring fair trials for guilty clients! Why does this happen? Idk, because Ga'ran sucks, and she has ultimate power and creates all the laws. The root of all evil in Khura'in is one woman who is a factory set trope surrounded by generic citizens, diluted returning leads, and new characters who must be dragged down by the garbage that surrounds them in order to take part in it.

You brought up AI. Since you're anonymous, I'm guessing you're one of the countless people who takes issue with Nirvana Initiative on the grounds it's a bad followup to AITSF, to which I first have to ask.... Are you new to my blog? This is a AINI defender account lmao. I think it's better than AITSF, fight me. I'm writing a whole essay about it; I'll win. That said, I get the comparison because it's one I've made before, even if I don't quite stand by it anymore. I'm not going to explain my AINI opinions here, wait for the essay if you're curious, but I think I can get at that difference to me just by using Ace Attorney alone.

My favorite Ace Attorney game is Investigations 2, a sequel to a spin-off that has two of the writers for the mainline games I hate. It's a game about legacy and family. Whether they were admirable and just like Gregory Edgeworth, or duplicitous abusers like Blaise Debeste, the cast of this game wrestles with who they are, how their parent (or parental figure) shaped them, and who they should be in the face that now. Maybe they have to learn what that person is actually like and separate from them, or maybe they find a new family among their friends to fill that absence, or maybe they make peace with that loss and accepting who they are now is someone worth being. Maybe they deny that memory as their own or significant until the end to preserve what they want to believe. It's also a game about systemic failure, and all the things that have to be done to make the law an institute that actually protects people. Specific bad actors may be out of the picture now, but there is still more work to be done.

And the funny thing is? I2 does all of this without actually talking all that much about the rest of the series. Most of the characters are new, even to Investigations, and the ones that return don't bring up most of the shit that happened like a week ago. Miles references the events of Turnabout Goodbyes, and "That Man", and Gregory Edgeworth is a key figure in this game, to the point where you play as him, and yet all of that is only alluded just enough to understand the magnitude of his image and his loss. The heart of AA has always been in its characters, who are zany and fun, but they face real tragedy and real abuses, at the hands of one another which are then reflected in the world of law because the justice system is created and run by people; in I2 it beats so strongly.

Dual Destinies and Spirit of Justice may have the skin of Ace Attorney and the bones to prop them up, but underneath that familiar exterior, they're empty. They lack the the muscles and veins and blood to bring them to life, because the character writing and thematic conceits are shallow. The reason AA5 and 6 fail as followups is not because they don't engage with prior entries enough, but because they are poorly written on their own terms. They say nothing at all; they have removed their own heart.

[victorianpining]

Oh, but if I may be so bold, I'd love to get some proper book recommendations by you, even without a tag game going on or anything. So if you feel like sharing.... I am always on the hunt for recs 👀🖤

I'd be happy to! Here are 8 books I really love:

The Valley of Fear by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

If you're following me there's a good chance you've already read this, but just in case you haven't, if I could recommend you read one story out of the Holmes canon, it would be this one. It is genuinely so clever and so well written with multiple gut-punch reveals, and the ending scene is genuinely haunting. I am devastated that there's never been a film adaptation (well not since the silent film era anyway), but that's all the more reason to give this one a read!

The Kingdoms by Natasha Pulley

This book was a birthday gift from @teledild0nix and it instantly became one of my all time favorites. I'd recommend going into the story knowing as little about it as possible so I can't give you a good summary, but if you like mysteries, time travel, or pirate stories with a touch of romance, I think you'll enjoy this one!

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

I think I mentioned in the retrospective that reading this book in high school was one of the first books I actually analyzed for myself. Since then, my appreciation for this book has only grown. It's exactly everything that appeals to me most: it's set in the Victorian era, it's got clever dialogue, it plays with the contrast between appearances and reality, and most importantly, it's ultimately a clever commentary on what it means to create something, how much of yourself (and your audience, and the expectations of society, and the views of critics, and and and) gets put into and influences the work, and the disastrous effects all of that can have. That theme being the center point of the story makes it even more tragic that this book ended up playing into Wilde's own downfall.

Also, no I will not stop trying to make BBC Dorian happen (and by that I mean mentioning how good a fit it would be for a Mofftiss adaptation at every chance I get)

The Tale of Despereax by Kate Dicamillo

A childhood favorite that has continued to have a tremendous influence on my approach to storytelling. The Tale of Despereax is the story of a mouse who wishes he was a knight, of a rat caught between a life in the darkness when he yearns for the light, and a little girl who is seen as more inconvenience than person because of the abuse she's suffered. Ultimately, it's about navigating the world when you want things you're told you shouldn't and the consequences rigid roles can have on all of us. The way the stories are woven together blew my mind when I was eight, and to this day I'm still so drawn to the comforting narration and the brilliant way Dicamillo made those complicated issues accessible for children.

Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

Full disclosure I haven’t actually made it all the way through this book, but whenever I come back to it and read the poetry it resonates with me in such a profound way. If you need something that will help you feel like life is beautiful and worth living, pick this one up and flip to a random poem.

Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer

Okay, listen. This book has all the same flaws as the rest of Stephenie Meyer's writing (in some cases far more egregious than other entries, I'm thinking specifically about the way she writes the Quileute Tribe here). If you can't get into it for those reasons, I totally get it. But as someone who spent my adolescence hoping this book would come out someday, it's better than I could have ever hoped for. There's a degree of self-awareness in this book, really leaning into the oddness of Edward Cullen's behavior and in light of the ways his decisions in this book really come around to bite him in later entries in the series, it kind of acts as a scalding critique of his worldview. Full disclosure part of the reason this one resonates with me so much is because I saw a lot of myself in Edward's constant and insufferable catastrophizing, and realizing that gave myself the ultimate tool to stop those thoughts in their tracks: "Rebekah, you're Edward Cullening again." Works like a charm.

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

Speaking of problematic favorites... This book was written in the 1950s about the 1910s and it completely shows in the way Smith writes about people who aren't christian or white (it's not outwardly hateful, in fact I think Smith thinks she's being very accepting, but some of the choices are very, very stereotyped and the more I revisit it as an adult the more uncomfortable these sections make me). So if someone can't get around that, I get it, I find it harder and harder to get around that myself.

What keeps drawing me back to this one is how vibrant and nostalgic and bittersweet and genuine the narration of Francie's life is. The story is told as a series of vignettes, beginning one Saturday afternoon when Francie is 12 years old, jumping back to the day her parents met, and then continuing forward chronologically until Francie is reaching adulthood. There's a wistfulness to everything that makes it clear a lot of this is based on Smith's own upbringing, but it's clearly a romanticized version of it, I think she described it as "the way it ought to have been," which given how grim parts of the novel are is saying something. I read this book every few years and if you go through it yourself, you'll probably notice how big of an influence it's had on my own worldview and writing.

And finally the big one:

How to Read Literature Like a Professor by Thomas. C. Foster

The book that literally changed my life, if you've ever felt unsure of how or where to begin understanding literary symbolism, this is the book I would recommend to get you started. The way Foster pulls from examples you'll already be familiar with, makes the conclusions seem logical rather than nebulous, and especially the way he describes the interconnectedness of storytelling all make literary analysis both accessible and even captivating. Like with A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, I think if you read this one, the influence it's had on me is going to be immediately obvious.

[tinypinkmouse]

4, 16, and 18 for the behind the scenes fic asks if you'd like!!!

4. Do you outline before you start writing? If so, how far do you stray from that outline?

Usually I don't outline at all. I just start writing and see where things go. Sometimes if there's already a lot of story in my head and I'm worried I'll forget it before I can manage to write it all down I'll sort word vomit it all out in a some kind of stream of consciousness form. But that's more like... a very extremely rough first draft instead of an outline.

16. What is your most underrated fic?

All of the 34 of my fics with less than five kudos on ao3? But if I have to pick one I'll go with I Only Sink Deeper. It's a sci-fi au weilan derivative fic with Jiang Yang/Meng Shaohui. I mean sure it was a bit hastily written seeing as it was for whumptober and I write a lot of fic in a short amount of time for that. But I really like it and I think it deserves more than the one single kudo it's gotten.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

The very honest truth is I don't remember a single line of anything I've written. I might remember the general shape of a story, but anything more specific than that... I'll have to read it first. 😅 But, I remember I really liked the imagery of this one so let me see...

From Water Lillies

Shen Wei's arms are folded against the lakeshore, his chin resting on his arms. Zhao Yunlan glances over at him before turning a page of his novel. Then he tries to concentrate on the reading again, even with Shen Wei looking at him like that. He'd just appeared at some point and now he's been watching Zhao Yunlan quietly for a while.

For some reason, Zhao Yunlan hasn't quite dared say anything, feeling like Shen Wei might slip away again if he does. Finally, he closes the book, setting it down in his lap. He has no idea what he's been reading anyway.

"Isn't it boring just to watch me?" Zhao Yunlan asks, before finally looking back at Shen Wei.

Shen Wei's large black eyes blink once. Then he shakes his head a little.

The fic is an AU where Shen Wei is lake monster and Zhao Yunlan is a human who happens to be taking a vacation at a very isolated little lakeside cabin. It's a cabin in the woods, there also happens to be a lake in the woods. It's all trees growing right at the lakeside and soft damp moss and lillypads in clear water and... damn it I wish I was a lot better at describing how things look acrually. It's really pretty okay, just take my word for it.

There's a lot of Shen Wei watching Zhao Yunlan from the water. This is one of my favourites out of those because they're both just... doing their thing and existing quietly together while one of them happens to be a monster chilling in the lake. Okay so Zhao Yunlan might be having a bit difficulty doing his own thing when he really wants to be looking right back at Shen Wei.

The lake is plucked right out of my childhood memories. I do live in the land of a thousand lakes (a somewhat misleading translation, the original is more like thousands, which is more accurate) and there's a lot of lake scenery to take inspiration from. In this case the lake is pretty deep straight from the shore, so Shen Wei can easily hang out there and just fold his arms over the edge and watch Zhao Yunlan. The water is also very clear and cold and Shen Wei maybe wants to grab Zhao Yunlan by the ankles and drag him into the water but that would definitely not be good for Zhao Yunlan so he's not going to do that.

[bug-the-chicken-nug]

i know this isn't really The Point they're going for in v9 but man i wish Alyx could just be like.

Genuinely a really sweet, caring, sensitive kind of girl, with the flaws that can come with that instead: Shy, naive, a crybaby, kind of a coward, scared to hurt anyone's feelings, etc.

With the theme of her original story being that it's about learning to stand up for yourself and others, while also staying true to yourself.

Because in the context of her being a black girl (girls typically read as more "naturally" mean and aggressive) and her being in a show about girls who are all supposed to be conventionally strong and brave and good at fighting, this *does* actually loop back to being subversive, and it could be used in some genuinely interesting ways.

Mainly I'm thinking of the girls like originally discussing the story in a way that indicates their culture sees it as a "babyish" story. In the early volume, Yang and Weiss keep taking cheap shots at it all and rolling their eyes at their memories of what a boring little goody-two-shoes Alyx was, and how trite and childish it all seemed even when they were little kids themselves.

Blake tries to defend it, but they don't take her defenses too seriously, while Ruby is too moody to have much input on it either way, but Yang mentions that even Ruby mostly only liked it for the bright colors.

And then a lot more denizens turn out to remember and miss Alyx, in the case of ruder or blunter ones often straight up making commentary about how the girls don't measure up to her.

This offends the group at first, because to be fair some of these comments really are pretty fuckin uncalled for, and plus, they just don't really... Get it.

Despite Alyx hating to fight and having been written as crying and shaking the one time the events of the book forced her to, despite her not even actually *winning* that fight, almost everyone here seems to regard her as more heroic and admirable than our mains.

And Ruby is the first to truly see why: Because for all of her faults, at least Alyx was always *careful* and *considerate*. Alyx always admitted it when she needed help, and didn't try to bite off more than she could chew. Alyx was patient and diplomatic, she *listened* to people, didn't make promises she couldn't keep, and didn't even have a Semblance, but still managed to make things *better* for each character she met, not *worse*.

Meanwhile, the group has still just been causing trouble everywhere they turn up, and they're starting to realize that they can't blame *all* of this on the Afterans just being weird.

This would also end up tying in well with the troubled reaction Ruby has to getting Crescent Rose back, although I would not have Jaune have it, and only have Ruby get it back after an epiphany about how she doesn't actually *need* it to do what's right, or to have a positive impact on others, but keep her conflicted emotions on finding it again, as the weapon reminds her of her own past overconfidence and recklessness, her own belief that she could both literally and metaphorically just cut right through anyone or anything that didn't agree with her.

Also as much as a ton of people hate Jaune right now I honestly think he would've been a cool "villain" to illustrate the flipside of these messages. Like. Neo's great and all but she feels really superfluous and not exactly compelling enough to be the primary villain of the volume at this point.

I'm imagining Jaune being the same age, but the one with Penny's sword now, physically unable to let go of it, in some sort of daze of grief and self-loathing that's being further amplified by some aspect of the Ever After.

He is driven chiefly by a belief by if he'd only been "stronger", everything would've been better.

And in a twisted way, he gets his wish.

It turns out his Semblance can actually resonate with and empower a lingering "imprint" of Aura in Penny's sword to both make it stronger and to give him a sort of bastardized shadow of the Winter Maiden powers.

(Winter still has the "real" version, this is like explicitly a twisted, harmful bootleg version that would also be animated differently from any other usage of Maiden abilities.)

Using it harms him as well, and it's noted that Jaune seriously might eventually freeze himself to death just by continuing to hold on to the sword. His presence is also always preceded by a sudden chill.

Ruby quickly realizes and begins to have a crisis over the implication of Jaune being able to tap into a lingering fragment of Penny's Aura.

Namely, does that mean Penny is in some way... *actually still there?* And potentially *suffering*?

You could use the blacksmith lady to like foreshadow and then kinda explain how all of this is even a thing, so it's less confusing.

And then we get an actual answer to this question! 'Cause the big climax of the volume is now Jaune smacking the group around, they just barely get the upper hand again, and then Jaune uses the last of his strength, shifts the sword into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE, everything looks Real Bad, but then...

The sword just... Explodes?

And out comes Penny's glowy green Aura ghost, who Jaune inadvertantly powered up enough for her to materialize herself, and whose first order of business is to turn around and briefly apologize before slapping the shit out of Jaune... Which goes right through him physically, but DOES seem to be able to immediately exorcize whatever horseshit was corrupting him.

Her second order of business is to be like "FINALLY! NOW maybe you'll LISTEN to me, Jaune!"

While Ruby is just standing there gaping like "A."

Before anyone (including the audience) can get their hopes up, Penny quickly explains that this is likely only a temporary affair brought about by how much Jaune has strengthened her, and that she can "already feel herself fading", but then smiles and adds on that she's super excited to see Ruby (likely followed by trying and failing to tackle-hug her because that just makes Penny fly straight through her)

Ruby, still, except this time she's clearly tearing up: "A,,,"

Followed by a conversation where Ruby gets closure and Jaune comes clean, but then Ruby confesses that honestly, even with Penny trying to tell her that she asked to be sacrificed and that Ruby should forgive Jaune... Ruby can't. At least not yet.

Ruby ruefully adds "No wonder nobody here really likes me..." to that, to which Penny immediately replies

"But *I* like you!"

And Ruby just scoffs and goes "Do you? Even though your death is my fault too?"

And Penny just sadly replies "Of course. Do you really have so little faith in me?", which kinda gets to Ruby, as it reminds her that her funk is negatively affecting others too. And that in a way, insisting that she's the worst person in the world is still a form of self-centeredness, just as it was to believe that she had all the answers.

She's silent until Penny begins noticeably fading away and dissolving into particles of light, which has Ruby going "Wait! Don't go! Jaune! Jaune, do something!"

But Jaune is of course Spent As Fuck and also probably has lowkey been struggling to stay conscious through this whole conversation, so they have no choice but to make this quick.

Penny gives Ruby one last fond, sorrowful look and says "I'm sorry not everything can go like it does in this story, Ruby. But you? You're still *writing* your story. And I for one can't wait to see how it ends! "

"You're not going to, though! You're never going to, because you-because you're-"

"Once again, Ruby: Do you really have so little faith in me?" Penny says with a teasing grin, before disappearing completely.

Aaand thats a wrap.

Yes it's weird and kind of cheesy, but your honor, my defense is that this whole show is weird and kind of cheesy.

[pushing500]

I absolutely love your Rimworld saga, I've always wanted to do something like it for one of my colonies but I'm a better writer than I am an artist. Any tips for someone not used to drawing people?

Thank you for the great stories and adorable artwork 💕

Ah, thank you so much!! I'm glad you like the Rimworld stuff, I really love making it, and I'm happy it seems to have found an audience that enjoys it.

As for art tips, here are three things I always try to remember when I'm drawing:

1. It's okay to use references!

I see a lot of people worried about art theft, tracing, and stealing, which are important issues to keep in mind. No artist wants their work stolen, and nobody wants to be accused of tracing or things like that. Certainly valid concerns for all parties.

However, I've noticed that a lot of people avoid using references because of those concerns. It's alright to use references for your artwork! You can and should look for references to practice with. It's not easy to make up every single pose from nothing, but I've seen a lot of artists give up because they can't figure poses out without looking up references, and they feel like that means they're not real artists.

I'm partial to stock photos personally. There are stock photos for every conceivable situation. Behold, one I used just yesterday:

References are good and definitely okay to use. Use them a lot! They're a wonderful way to practice, and it's much easier to make up your own poses and draw people once you're used to drawing the human form from your references.

2. Don't be afraid to be silly!

Not every piece of art needs to be a serious and carefully thought-out commentary on the nature of humanity or society or things like that. Not every piece of art needs to be beautiful, or perfect, or even comprehendible. When I first started drawing art for a Rimworld colony, I was sitting beside my little brother and watching him play. I was doodling pictures of his colonists, and do you know what I ended up with? Nothing deep and meaningful, that's for sure.

I ended up with memes. Memes that are still blu-tacked up where everybody who comes into my house can see them.

I love them. I had so much fun drawing them. That's the important bit! They're ridiculous, silly, stupid memes, and I love them so much because I loved drawing them. Have fun with your art. Don't make it a chore. Be silly. Let yourself enjoy the act of creating, even if you end up with something dumb. That's the best kind of art.

3. Do so much art! So much of it!

The old saying says practice makes perfect, and it's not entirely wrong. I don't think I have ever met someone who has ever created something and decided it was perfect, no matter how much they practised.

However, the more you practice, the better you will be. I would post pictures of my older art to demonstrate the improvement, but I still haven't quite managed to choke back the gag reflex that comes with seeing the old drawings I have tucked away.

Maybe one day, when I'm braver, I'll show you the wonky caricatures of people I used to draw, and you can see for yourself that the more you make, the better you'll get. For now, though, I shall leave you with a tiny sampling of my sketchbook collection and one (1) spooky boi:

I don't know if any of that was helpful. I'm not much of a teacher, I'm afraid, but I do wish you the best with your artistic endeavours! For what it's worth, I'd read a written story about a Rimworld game just as eagerly as I would absorb pictures of it.

Thank you for your lovely compliments, and I wish you the loveliest of days! 💕