#me personally i hope he's a good guy with a happy queer life ahead of him

[danielsarmand]

anyway tommy kinard i love you dearly and i will continue loving you UNLESS you prove me wrong. unless. not until. i am not waiting for you to disappoint me. i am not waiting for something to be deeply wrong with you. i am not waiting for your relationship with buck to be doomed by something you do. i have nothing against you and i cherish your presence in this story and i care about your feelings just as much as buck's and eddie's. kissing you on the forehead king

[humongousgothskeletonfarm]

TSC CHAPTER ELEVEN SPOILERS AHEAD

STARTING OFF THE CHAPTER STRONG AS FUCK DISASTER BISEXUAL JEAN MOREAU AWARENESS

picturing jean in a pair of raybans is good for my mental health

-

“Missed a couple spots. Need a hand?”

jeremy u flirt

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do the trojans ever realise that jean is NOT IN FACT deaf and standing right in front of them when they are talking about him?

-

oh ok so chapter 11 is in fact worse than chapter 10

if anyone reading this has ever believed that they deserved the abuse, trauma/suffering they’ve experienced, i’m here to tell u right now that nobody deserves that and it is not ever ur fault, no matter what others might say or try to convince u. whatever happened to u is unequivocally not ok. please seek help from a professional if u are worried about urself or others in ur life.

if u have ever felt uncomfortable or violated in certain situations just know that no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the situation may seem (i use these terms loosely because i do not believing in ranking peoples traumas), ur feelings are 100% valid and u always always deserve to be respected and heard.

i hope u know that u are not alone and never will be.

sending lots of love to all of u

-

wtff jenkins is a girl?? did we all know this or have i just read too many fanfics always thought jenkins was a guy?

-

It was sacrilegious even in the privacy of his head, and Jean hunched his shoulders against a blow that never came.

fuck that’s a good line. traumatic as fuck and makes me wanna cry for all these boys have gone through but god as an ex-catholic raised queer person i can tell u this line struck hard even though i cant relate to the specifics of the scene

-

Jean didn’t mind cooking, but he didn’t say that. This was the first time his room truly felt safe and right, and he was content to hold onto it for as long as he could. He closed his eyes again, but now his thoughts were snagged on Jeremy. At length he broke the silence to say, “Two beds would fit in here.”

jean moreau u are so loved

-

“You are not them,” Jean said. “Kevin would not have sent me here if you were.”

THE PARALLELS IN THIS BOOK ARE FUCKING KILLING ME PLS NORA LET ME LIVE IN PEACE THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE

ANDREIL EXISTS IN EVERYTHING

-

Just because he had to meet with this man didn’t mean he had to speak to him.

jean, u diss aaron earlier in the books but really ur just the same as him

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betsy dobson to the mother fuckibg rescue someone get this bitch a ‘worlds best therapist’ mug

and jean, dude do u know how fucking similar u and neil are, seriously like u guys should be besties like-

“It was not my choice,” he sent back in warning. “I do not need counseling.” He didn’t trust her at all, but there was no point spelling it out.

CHAPTER TWELVEE

dude wtf is it with me and napping while tryna finish this book, literally just accidentally fell asleep for 2.5 hrs when i could’ve been reading

-

“Imagine getting changed so we can practice,” Jean said.

king is fed uppp

-

“It’s not about size, anyway.” ​“Defensive,” Jean said, tugging his glove straps with his teeth. ​Jeremy straightened in indignation. “I don’t have anything to be defensive about.” Jean lost his grip and bit his lip, and Jeremy hurried on before either of them could think too much about that double entendre.

OKKKK JEREMY I SEE U

-

“That’s not—I do care. I want you to play with us, and I want you to have fun again. I want to see what you can do on the court and what you bring to our defense line. I want us to finally win this year after coming so close and failing too many times. But it’s just a game, Jean. Your safety and happiness will always be more important than our season.”

GOOD GOD ITS WHAT U DESERVE JEAN

-

“Every time you say that you take a year off my life. I’d really like to live to ninety, so please knock it off.”

now the trojans understand how the foxes feel when neil whips out his ‘im fine’ line,, also i’m never gonna stop saying that neil and jean should be besties it’s literally just a fact

“I do not believe you when you are drinking such filth,” Jean said, with a disapproving look toward her drink. Laila stared him down as she sucked a long gulp through the straw,

this book is so devastatingly depressing and explores some of the most horrible traumatic things that could happen to a person but it’s interspersed with some of the funniest scenes that it gives me whiplash

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“Pat and Ananya have wanted to fuck Cody’s brains out for almost a year now. I really thought Cody moving in with them this summer was going to finally get that ball moving, but apparently not. It’s getting kind of pitiful.” ​“Pat and Ananya have been engaged almost as long as Cody has known them,” Laila pointed out as she fit herself against Cat’s side. “You can’t blame Cody for being scared of where they might belong in something like that.”

NORA GIVING US THE POLYAMORY WE DESERVE AFTER CUTTING KANDREIL FROM THE OG BOOKS LETS GO QUEER REP

YK THAT RUNNING JOKE THAT USC IS THE QUEEREST TEAM AND NOBODY HAS AS MANY GAYS AS THEY DO??? IM SO FUCKIBG HAPPY NORA HAS BASICALLY MADE THAT CANNON

-

CHAPTER 13333

jeremy is so hopelessly crushing on jean and that’s real of him

meanwhile jean:

Threat assessment, he told himself, and it was almost the truth.

sureee buddy

-

They’d arrived holding hands and dressed in matching cream-and-teal outfits. Even their gold-rimmed sunglasses and teal sneakers were identical.

well that is definitely an outfit!

-

“Speaking of happy endings, has Laila bought you a sex toy yet?”

EXCUSE ME

this whole scene was so fucking random but jean deserves great friendships

-

ANOTHER TRANS TROJAN LETS FYCKING GOOOOOO CONGRATS ON UR TOP SURGERY XAVIER

-

‘i’m sure the ravens wouldn’t have taken neil in if they’d known he was the son of a mob boss!!’

uhhhhh…

i don’t know how to tell u this buddy

-

dude i just cannot stop think about the whole new world of fanfics we’re gonna get now that tsc has come out like the aftg universe is expanding and becoming more detailed it’s gonna be crazy

chapter 14!!!

-

Jean eyed him. “For what purpose?” ​Jeremy looked to the ceiling for patience. “For fun.” ​Jean sighed as if Jeremy was the one being unreasonable.

oh jean we’ll get there eventually

-

Jean was a starving dog on a short chain who’d learned years ago not to bite back.

OH MY FUCKING GOD GIVE ME PEACE

MY CHEST IS ACHING AT THIS METAPHOR

-

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP THE PARALLELS ARE DESTROYING ME I CANT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE

“You are Jean Moreau. Your place is here with me, with us. I’m your captain. You’re my partner. We’re supposed to be doing this together, aren’t we? Stop leaving me behind. Look at me.”

-

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that he hurt you, I’m sorry that you’re still afraid to talk about it, and I’m sorry that you think I’ll never understand. I’m sorry that he tricked you into thinking you deserved it. But I’m not sorry he’s gone. I can’t be.”

“Neither am I.”

TEAR MY HEART OUT AND STOMP ON IT NORA JESUS CHRIST

-

everytime one of the trojans says ‘we’re here to listen whenever your ready to talk and open up to us’ and then they go and demand he tell them every secret he’s ever kept

-

kevin and jeans relationship in this book is so fucking well written, it’s tearing me apart and giving me so much life

they have so much shared trauma and the relationship is so complex but they understand eachother so deeply

He is not used to having a voice, and he has never had power. I cannot promise he will ever talk to you.” ​“I will wait as long as it takes,”

“Be careful with it,” Kevin said. “Be careful with him.”

-

“Night practices with Andrew and Neil,” Kevin said. ​“Obsessed,” Jeremy

exy fiend kevin day representation

also

“No, Jean is fine. As fine as he can be, anyway. Yes, I know.” (kevin when talking to someone ‘offscreen’) i just know he was talking to neil

-

She crossed the room and leaned over, catching Jean’s head in her hands so she could plant a kiss to the top of his head.

this is the love jean deserves

chapter 15:

“Your fourth line has a smart mouth, Coach,” Jean said. “I was hoping he would bite his tongue off in the fall and save us both some grief in the long run.”

jean i love u

-

Jean wished he had the common sense to shut up,

he’s so me

-

“And keep Kevin’s name out of your ignorant mouth,”

THEYRE SO IMPORTANT TO ME UR HONOUR

-

i keep forgetting that jean only learnt english after he moved into evermore and that kevin probably taught him but i love the subtle little reminders every now and then when he has to clarify a word, like when he has to ask what a ‘floozy’ is and:

due to egregious injuries.” ​Jean didn’t recognize that word, but since Lucas was already running his mouth, he didn’t get a chance to ask.

it’s such a good detail that just adds so much more depth to his character

-

“Permission to break his face, Coach?” Jean asked. ​“Denied,” White said.

SCREAMING

THIS IS SO NEIL AND WYMACK CODED I LOVE IT

-

JEAN MOREAU ON A MOTHERFUCKING MOTORCYCLE HOLY SHIT

catalina alvarez u wonderful human i love u

-

jean realising how big the world is and the fact that he’s explored more of california than any other place he’s been before is making me tear up he never should’ve been kept trapped inside he deserves to see the world

-

So long as she existed as fractured memories, she was safe and small and sheltered.

oh god don’t do this to me

-

Jean gazed out at the endless horizon, feeling small and infinite from one moment to the next.

beautiful, just beautiful, absolutely immaculate

A cool evening breeze. Rainbows. Open roads.

A COOL EVENING BREEZE. RAINBOWS. OPEN ROADS

-

SECOND LAST CHAPTER!!! LETS GOOO

“He is not going to hit you. Okay? We don’t do that here. You said you’d try to do better and that’s enough for us.”

starting off strong

-

You’re one of my kids now.

don’t mind me i’m just sobbing

-

no no no no no no no no no

holy shit no what the fucking fuck

don’t do this to jean rn oh my fucking god i’m sick to my stomach on the verge of fully crying right now

actually dreading reading on right now

-

um ok yeah so i read it and to anyone who hasn’t finished the book yet beware there is a graphic violent scene followed by an intense panic attack in chapter 16 that’s is very difficult to read

i did cry and all i can say is thank fuck for lisinski’s timing

-

Jeremy’s response was low but unhesitating: “I will not look away.” ​“I do not want you to look.” ​It frightened him how much it sounded like a lie,

-

only redeeming part of this chapter is that neil’s back but i’m still in so much shock over what’s just happened that i cant properly appreciate him

chapter 17 the finale:

feeling incredibly somber as i reach the end of the book

please god destroy anyone who has ever hurt jean moreau

-

nora’s really filling in all the plot holes left from aftg - why did nobody question why neil’s hair was dyed after evermore ????? why did nobody question neil being at evernote in the first place???

-

i’m laughing at neil’s map print-outs he’s so uncool, also i keep forgetting this is still meant to be 2007

-

jean-yves moreau oh my fucking god

-

“says who?” Stuart asked. “The dead kid?

stuart hatford u are so funny, is this where neil inherited is sarcasm from?

stuart hatford says fuck riko and so do i

-

Neil shrugged. “Do you have anyone who can take on local work?”

NEIL JOSTEN U ARE MY HERO I LOVE U U BADASS MOTHER FUCKER

-

Neil offered her a disarming smile that would never sit quite right on his face.

devouring these scraps about my boy

-

YOOOO WTF NORA RLLY JUST WANTED TO GIVE JEAN THE WORST FUCKING DAY HE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE HUH?? JUST DROPPED THE FACT THAT HIS SISTER IS DEAD MY POOR BOY

-

Neil filled in the finer details with an ease that would have been impressive to listen to any other day

- yes neil is incredibly smart, thank u jean for confirming to us

-

The only thing left to ask for was something he barely understood: “I want to go home.”

oh the complicated nature of home and one’s sense of belonging that persists throughout these books will never fail to make me feel absolutely everything. nora knows exactly what i want in a book

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“I can see the kitchen. There should be a door out to where the dumpsters are. We can make it back to the garage from there.”

to be loved by neil josten is to be offered a way to evade the fbi together

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“Tedious,” Neil said. “I’m trying to eat.”

my hero

Neil waited until he was done before deciding he wanted to finish his drink. Neither agent was impressed with their absolute lack of urgency,

i love u neil josten pls give me ur autograph

Neil, being the person he was, pointed at the fire hydrant adjacent to its front bumper and said, “That’s illegal, just so you know.” ​“Shut up and get in the car.”

i wish neil josten was real

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He couldn’t fear a government who was so easily infiltrated and manipulated

FUCK THE GOVERNMENT

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Neil flipped his takeout box open and started eating. “I’m allowed to visit people.”

he’s everything to me 🥰

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“You’re one to accuse others of intolerable attitudes,” Browning said, and Neil only shrugged indifference.

and—for once—without any of your usual bullshit.”

- browning u love him just like the rest of us don’t lie rn

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ngl i’m never getting over the fact that jean and neil are the same age like this is crazy to me nora whyd u have to do this i cant cope

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“The more people I hold onto, the less of a threat I am, because I won’t want to endanger them by acting out.”

oh neil look how far uve come, i’m so proud

-

“Lock your door tonight if it will help, but Grayson will never bother you again.”

THANK U LORD FOR THE BRILLIANT NEIL JOSTEN HES ANSWERED MY PRAYERS U BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL HUMAN IM SO THANKFUL FOR UR PRESENCE

all my favourite bamf! neil fics have him taking out a hit on someone for the benefit of the people he loves and i’m so glad that’s canon

-

i’m going fucjing crazy i didnt think it was possible to love neil anymore than i already do

best friends ❤️

-

jean tearing up and throwing away the notebooks and realising he trusts the trojans and the four of them going to eat one of cats new recipes after they waited up last midnight for him

A COOL EVENING BREEZE RAINBOWS OPEN ROADS AND FRIENDS

!!!!!

I CSNT BELIEVE ITS OVERRRRR I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS HOLY FUCK

[khaopybara]

Here I'm desperately hoping THK will be a superfun escape from reality 🙏🏻 the way things have gone in my country in the last two days. Who's wishing for it to be dark and serious? 😭 My life is enough dark and serious.

ATTENTION! rant ahead. anon, i'm really sorry i used your ask for this, but when i realized i went on a tangent, it was already too late. i do eventually answer your comment in the last two paragraphs, tho.

i personally use these silly little shows and interact so much with what these actors who live so far from my own reality because i want to use it as an escape route!

i'll be honest and say i don't remember when or how i switched back to asian media after spending a long time only watching western stuff, but i do know i made the switch because queer stories in western media were either a) being cancelled after one season, or b) having tragic/unfulfilling endings for poc/queer characters. I DON'T WANT THAT.

and imagine my surprise in like june of 2023 when i was looking up things to watch and stumbled over a silly little thai show about a loser who can go back in time with his crystal ball, and he tries to win over this girl he has been interested in forever and ends up falling for the guy who he saw as his rival? and ofc be my favorite had a lot of social commentary and personally, i think one of the most beautiful self-discovery journeys to this day in thai bl, but they had a happy ending, and they had an arc, and a story and it was a lot more than any western show could ever dream of giving me (am i saying thai shows, or gmm shows are perfect? no, i know its faults. what i am saying is that as a queer person living in south america, i wish i had these type of things to watch growing up. hayley kiyoko's girls like girls videoclip was the first time i remember seeing two young women kiss and let it be romantic and not fetichization.)

pluto's lastest episode about how non-inclusive the urban environment is for people with disabilities left such an impression they removed the sign that blocked the ada path. THESE STORIES MATTER!

and these stories matter even when they are silly romcoms about assassins brothers falling in love with two dudes, or about an introverted girl who just moved to the big city and hides her identity to flirt with the pretty and popular girl from her class, or about a grumpy veterinarian who suffers an accident and switches bodies with his sister and now he has to go on a country journey to get his body back with his former best friend he's in love with.

so yes, anon, i also hope this will be a fun show you can escape to and have that dose of serotonin even if for just an hour or two of your day. and i hope that even if it makes us cry, you'll be able to cry and allow yourself to let your worries out without feeling guilty about it. that's the magic of storytelling in my opinion, and i have an inkling we'll be up to a very good one that will play with our feelings like a roller-coaster.

(also, i can't understand who says they didn't see the comedy of thk when we literally had bison telling his brother kant wants his body first and his heart second, or when style tells fadel his nipples are sensitive and fadel just pinches it with a padlock (?), or kant telling his best friend "hey if you get together with this scary killer dude, i'll give you my dad's car" and style says yes, like come on.)

[martymcflown]

Okay I wanna ramble about the OFMD S2 finale now. This is a fucking ramble and a half but it was do this or continue posting disconnected, inarticulate messages at 5am. Spoilers ahead.

I wanna start this with the things I LIKED this season so I'm not just being a hater. Overall, I'm super happy this show even exists. A historical pirate show with an entire cast of queer characters (and many queer actors/creators) is always a good thing in my book. It's better that these shows succeed and show that it's a viable creative endeavor. Specific things I liked about s2: -Zheng. She's incredible. I loved her the second she revealed who she was and just found her so entertaining whenever she was on screen. I hope Ruibo Qian gets more chances to shine in the future, preferably as a lead.

-All the guest stars gave 110% and I found them delightful. I completely understand why the toxic lesbians took off the way they did on social media when Minnie Driver and Rachel House were so charismatic. -The Innkeeper. This episode made me so hopeful for what the season COULD be because I thought Ed's internal conflict was handled in such a great way. Kind of a shame that they set up this beautiful story of a self-loathing, suicidal person who's wronged the people he loves as worthy of second chances only to fuck that up later BUT WHATEVER THAT'S A FUTURE PROBLEM. -There are plenty of individual moments that made me feel great. That really made me love these characters and came close to capturing what I felt in the first season. But I will add a caveat to this thought in the next bit... Specific things I did not like about OFMD s2: -So, while I did enjoy individual moments when separated from the whole of the series, when trying to think of them in context everything felt so...cobbled together? Instead of feeling like I was watching a cohesive story, it felt more like the writers' room had sat down and said "All right, what scenes would people like to see? What character moments would get people talking?" Which I think was a mistake. -Plot threads were left dangling in the wind. Character conflicts were either wrapped up in a blink or were entirely forgotten. It felt like a season with no consequences (which is WEIRD, considering). I'd had an in-depth conversation with a friend around episode 2 or 3, but I'd said I was excited to see how Izzy and Stede's conflict could develop as the season went on--I specifically wanted an exploration into the idea that regardless of how hard you work to redeem yourself, nobody owes it to you to accept your apology. And that that's OKAY. Instead it felt like everyone looked at Izzy as if his previous behavior was the behavior of a mischievous cat who knocks shit off counters as opposed to a toxic force within the crew.

-I'm not an Izzy hater, I'm not an Izzy fanboy; I'm just someone who likes coherent character arcs. His character arc sucked, guys. Like I'm sorry, I know most of us were delighted with his drag show and casual, friendly bitchiness. But it made no goddamn sense for who he was in the last season, and I feel that the total 180 he did from being the symbol of toxic masculinity to giving heartwarming speeches about pirate life being all about acceptance and family to be...messy. I genuinely thought that Izzy was going to be used as an allegory for Ed having an addiction and needing to withdraw from it over a season, or that the season would at least confront the toxic nature of their relationship in a way that wasn't THREE SECONDS BEFORE IZZY DIED. Also sorry Izzy is coming up in another point but it's because it felt like 70% of this season was Izzy. -The shafting of the side characters. Remember when Ed was like "I'm the fuckin' devil. And these are the kids"? Yeah, that was kind of the vibe the whole damn time, eh? I'll be totally upfront with you, I didn't love the first season because the two Kiwis kissed. I loved the first season for the characters. I was SO intrigued by every one of them, particularly Jim and Olu. This season, every single member of the crew felt more like Polly Pockets who would get pulled out when convenient and then tossed into the sand when the episode grew tired of them. Did any of them actually have character development? Did any of them get an actual moment to shine? Also, god, on the note of the handling of crew relationships. I can't believe this season managed to polybait but here we are. I would love to understand what the reasoning was to break up Olu and Jim. Was it because they couldn't imagine two new characters (Zheng and Archie) existing without a romance? Did amatonormativity strike again? Even removing the romantic development Olu and Jim had for each other, it really felt like they hadn't gone through ANY of the shit they had in the former season. Which I suppose you could say about any of the threads connecting characters because I swear these people acted like they'd just met at a work conference as opposed to having long-standing relationships to one another. -I would like to say for the record that I was never terribly invested in Izzy Hands as a character outside of what he symbolized, but I was initially hopeful he could lead to some fantastic character development for Ed, Stede and himself. Instead, as mentioned before, he had the most rushed character development I have EVER seen and for reasons I still can't really fathom. And maybe this is just a personal thing for me, but I actually really hate showing a suicidal person learning to love life and find new value in allowing themself the opportunity to grow as a person only to fucking murk them for a cheap, rushed emotional moment.

--

Closing thoughts--have you ever seen the special finale episode of Sense8 where the creators knew they'd been screwed by Netflix and so had to scramble to put together a cohesive end for those characters? And the episode we got was messy, it left threads dangling, it wrapped up character conflicts quickly, but it also ultimately seemed to reflect the overall heart of the show? Yeah, this was like that Sense8 finale episode but, at least for me, lacked any of the heart. I've seen people argue that the creators of OFMD wrapped so many conflicts so quickly because they wanted us to have "closure" in case they didn't get a season 3. But, I would argue that I would much rather receive a season that leaves me with questions but feels coherent only to not get answers to those questions than to get the cinematic equivalent of an Uber Eats refund. I'm not satisfied. I'm still hungry. I just have someone telling me I should still be grateful, anyway. I hope they get a season 3, I really do.

[renjungobrrr]

Queer Media, you should check out!!!

Hello everyone. As everyone knows, it is pride month! To celebrate pride, I made a post on queer media you should check out. I hope you guys like it

Cherry Magic! Thirty Years of Virginity Can Make You a Wizard?!

This manga has a live-action movie and an anime adaptation. I personally only saw the movie and the anime. There are some differences, but both are good regardless. The anime got me in a chokehold, and I've been fixated on this for a few days now.

If you don't know about Cherry Magic! It is a story about Kiyoshi Adachi, a virgin who suddenly gains the power to read people's minds by touching them when he turns thirty. Through this power, he was able to recognize the feelings of his colleague, Yuuichi Kurosawa. Will he be able to return his feelings back or not? Watch it to find out hehehe. There is also Adachi's friend, Tsuge, who is also in a similar situation and finds Tsuge and Minato really cute together.

Overall, this was really good, and I keep rewatching over and over again.

The Owl House

Unlike Cherry Magic, this show focuses more on the lore than the romance in the show but it is good to point out that there are a lot of LGBTQ+ characters on The Owl House. The main character is canonically bisexual and there are other characters that are lesbian, pansexual, non-binary and etc. It is a phenomenal show and you should give it a watch!

If you have never heard of The Owl House, it is a show that focuses on Luz, a 14-year-old human discovering a whole new magical realm called the Boiling Isles and wishing to become a wizard. It is a show filled with beautiful storytelling and amazing world-building. Overall, it was an amazing show, and I can not explain how much this show means to me and how incredible this is.

Yuri on Ice!!!

This anime is not a BL but we can't deny that Yuri and Viktor are inlove with each other. (quick spoiler ahead!) THEY LITERALLY KISSED (Spoiler ends here DUXGUXGDH)

If you dont know about Yuri on Ice!!!, it is a series about Yuri Katsuki, a pro figure skater who was about to retire but meets Viktor and Yurio, who brings his back his love to compete in figure skating. I love this series. It gave me all the feels. It's such a good series, and you should check it out!

Heartstopper

Here is another piece of media that isn't animated. It is a live action series on Netflix based on the Webtoon with the same name. It follows Charlie and Nick and centers around their school life and young love.

I love Heartstopper soo much and it has a special place in my heart. I'm not the biggest fan of live action series or movies but this is one of the few exceptions. It is filled with wholesome moments and moments where you want to scream or want to cry. Overall, it is a good series to binge on and you should definitely give it a try.

Well, that's all for today, folks! I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed making this. Happy pride, everyone!

[unoriginalmess]

A Second Mask: Chapter 4

Did that just happen?

Hello guys! It's me. I'm finally writing again. Sorry about the delay. I'm going to explain more at the end of the chapter, but I'm just going to keep the beginning short. So here is chapter 4:

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

To say Adrien was concerned would be a huge understatement. He was downright disturbed. Its been weeks and still Marinette hadn't changed back to the happy, peppy, nice girl that he knew. AND SHE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!

He tried to talk to her for a whole week after her original trasformation, but after the repeated firm rejections, he stopped altogether. He figured that maybe with some space, she might be able to work through whatever she was going through, but at this point, he's losing hope.

When he is feeling this distressed about something, he usually turns to his lady, but she has been acting weird too. Ever since she suggested they start sparring, she's started to show that she is going through kinda a rough time as well. She is the same ladybug when everyone is watching, but when it's just the two of them, she looks sad and tired. She has also started saying some concerning things while they are sparring. She has started talking about how she has started taking being Ladybug and the Guardian more seriously, and how she has less distractions now, which would be a good thing if she didn't say them so sadly.

The good thing is, the sparring has given him a chance to get out his aggression because of the whole Marinette-situation and his anger at his father in a safe environment. He didn't like the idea of hitting Ladybug at first (especially in the face) but with her not holding back on her hits, he felt more comfortable doing the same. It has helped them fight better too. He hopes that whatever Ladybug is going through in her civillian life will work itself out soon, but until then he will be there for her. He just needs to figure out how to be there for Marinette.

•••

Felix was making good progress with Marinette. After they first asked marinette about (insert fashion question of your choice here, I legit know nothing and I didn't have time to research anything for this chapter), she had started answering their questions on a daily basis. After a couple of days of that, she had started to rant to them about different things in the fashion world that were bothering her, exciting her, or confusing her that particular day. In response to that, they had started to respond to her rants with their own opinions on the subjects and even start their own rants.

It had gotten to the point where Felix would now consider them to be friends, though they know that Marinette would never call them as such, it was fine with them. They know she has trust issues, and they can understand why, so they are fine with being friends in everything but a name.

Felix was looking forward to their daily banter as they waited in their seat for Marinette to arrive. When she did, she was followed by a very pissed-looking Alya. Felix turned to look at her and noticed that she had what looked to be tears forming in her eyes. What they didn't notice was the little black butterfly that had entered through the window in the back of the room, and was making a beeline towards her.

•••

Marinette walked to school in yet another one of her newest fashion creations: a pair of oversized grey ripped jeans and a navy blue sweatshirt. She was actually really liking her new look, and the comfort that it offered was just an added plus.

She was actually feeling excited to talk to Felix about Gabriel Agreste's newest fashion flop. They were the only person that she had met that actually cared about fashion as much as her. It made her happy to talk to them. It kind of scared her how excited she was. Shouldn't she be distancing herself from everyone? she thought to herself. No. Felix isn't my friend, they aren't close to me, they are just someone I talk fashion with. Like a coworker, yeah. Totally. Felix is just a coworker. ("Liar" says the inner voice in her head)

She was shocked out of her thoughts when she was pulled to the side by someone as she entered the courtyard. Her mind immediately thought of an akuma, when the person spoke.

"Marinette! Girl," Oh it's just Alya. Wait Alya? "How long are you gonna keep up this cry for attention? Are you really THAT jealous of Lila? I know that Adrien likes her, but that doesn't give you the right to act like this! And you are hanging out with Felix, who accused her of sexually harrassing Adrien on their first day here-?" She looked absolutely furious at her, but Marinette had heard enough. She cut Alya off in the middle of her presumably long rant.

"ALYA!" Said girl jumped at both the inturruption and the tone of voice used, "First of all, this isn't a cry for attention, if anything its a cry for leaving me the fuck alone. Second of all, I'm not jealous of Lila. I'm not in love with Adrien anymore, and haven't been for a while. You knew that I was dating Luka right? Why would I care who Adrien likes? Lastly, I am allowed to hang out with whoever I choose, whether you like them or not. It's none of your fucking business Alya, and if you think that I'm just some jealous, attention-seeker why do you even care?" With that last question she stormed off to the classroom, leaving a speechless Alya behind her.

When marinette sat down in her seat, she just kept thinking about how Alya was just talking to her. How could she think that about her? They used to be best friends, and Alya wasn't even concerned about her not talking to her anymore, she was just concerned about her being "jealous of Lila". It made her so furious that she could feel tears trickling down her face. She sees the black butterfly out of the corner of her eye and without hesitation grabs it out of the air.

(Next part is taken from this post by @bigfatbreak)

"Go ahead and akumatize me- See what happens, Hawkmoth!" She screamed the words with a slight madness that the energy of the akuma was giving her, "Every leash has two ends! I just have to pull until I find where you're holding it!"

At this point, the entire class was frozen in place watching her and listening to her crazed-sounding voice threaten an actual terrorist. Marinette felt Hawkmoth's confusion and terror through the bond. What in the- She's sensing me through the Akuma?! The akuma then started to fly away, and when it couldn't it zapped her hand like it was made of lightning and fluttered through the same window it came from. Marinette felt like she had failed yet again and collapsed down on her desk, muttering, "Uuuuggghh. It escaped anyway... What a waste. I didn't realize that Hawkmoth was such a coward. He usually likes grandstand..."

She was startled when her hand was picked up by Felix's, "You likely scared him off by managing to locate him like that... A risky move, I should mention. I would ask that you not attempt that a second time. No one knows what his akuma is truly capable of. You'll want to keep off of this hand for a while, too."

"Oh, are those the doctor's orders? Why, Felix, it almost sounds like you care about meeee." Marinette was all too amused by Felix's concern for her. She also liked to tease them... AS COWORKERS DO.

"I have an investment in your presence. Now don't be cheeky and let's get you to the nurse's office," They said while holding her wrist and gently pulling her in that direction.

Marinette scoffed, "'An investment in my presence'??"

Felix chuckled while still semi-dragging her by the wrist towards the front of the room, being careful not to hurt her injury even worse, "What did I just say about being cheeky?"

On their way out of the door they passed a VERY distressed-looking Adrien. He seemed to be sharing the sentiment with the entire class of: Did that just happen?

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

And thats chapter 4. It is VERY LATE! I know. I've been swamped with work, and when I went to write it, I had zero ideas on how to write this chapter. I never ended up getting those ideas. I just went where my writing took me, so if it doesn't really match the characters that's why. I will try to be better at updating regularly, but it probably won't happen. Sorry to everyone with a normal sleep schedule, but this is the time that I write things. Also I didn't have my outline with me while writing this chapter, so it might not have everything I planned to write in it.

I would like to thank you all for all of the support I've been getting on this fic. Despite all of the chapter delays, you guys have stuck with me through all of it, so thank each and every one of you. I love seeing so many people loving this au as much as I do. Without you guys this story wouldn't exist, and I would've stopped writing it after the first chapter.

As always, constructive criticism is always accepted. I love being able to improve my writing whenever possible.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice day/night/whenever you are reading this. See ya next time guys, gals, and non-binary pals.

Taglist

@queer-illusion @apasponsor @heckinggremlin @1-ahiro-1 @hewantedbeefintheparkinglot @sassakitty @lennauts @rianoel @dorkus-minimus @khneltea @welp-that-was-unexpected @mlnchlymrshmllw @lovelyautumnsunflower @chariphrasis @lovesbooks @komatsuna-yuki @polyvirnl @innocentlyguiltyfrenchfry @qhobias @ive-tumbled-down-a-rabbit-hole @hammalammadamdam @cloudydaysomewhere @alcoholic-barney @basenikon @xxbehindthemaskxx @corporeal-terrestrial @shadowymemoirs @moonlight-densetsuu

[imaginariaextraordinaire]

Extraordinary Attorney Woo was at its best in the early episodes when the drama was all about weirdly banal cases that offered a portrait of contemporary Korean society, albeit through the soft-focus lens of a K-drama. The stakes were low, but the entertainment was high and every case offered a little bit of insight. Like the case about the 'wardrobe malfunction' at the wedding.

This was undoubtedly one of the best episodes in Extraordinary Attorney Woo. I doubt anyone would have anticipated that an episode that began with a husband putting his arms around his wife to protect her modesty would end with a wonderful statement in favour of queer love. The episode started with a celebration of a patriarchal institution and systematically broke it down with every consecutive scene. I thought the cherry on the cake was Woo Young-woo being the young woman's ally, but there was yet another fantastic twist in the tale after that when the young woman came out to her father.

My other favourite episode was Lee Bong-ryun as the idealistic, feminist lawyer who appears for the two married woman who go to court in the hope of bringing to light the sexism in corporate policies. This was such a charming watch because it showed us two perspectives — that of the scrappy, solo fighter that Lee plays; and the sensitivity that a big player can show when it has people like Kang Ki-young's Myung-seok displays. Lee is also such a joy to watch, especially in the bits with the judge. I loved that the writing made it clear that even though Hanbada won on paper, the real triumph was the women's who were not fazed by the court verdict. They knew they didn't stand much chance of winning, but they went ahead because they wanted their dissent to register and be part of a public conversation. The end of the episode, with all the women gathered together, was just full heartmelt. In fact, this was the episode that made me wish there would be a second season in which Young-woo would join Lee's firm.

Yet for all the charm that this drama has, it has two major stumbling blocks. One is the character of "Tactician Min-woo", who is initially the kind of person who has a full victim complex even though they have no reason to feel victimised. Then, in the last few episodes, the drama decided Min-woo had to be redeemed. Most characters have a redemption arc; in Min-woo's case, it's a spike and we're supposed to accept that he's actually a good guy (despite all the odious things he did and said earlier) because Su-yeon likes him. I'm sorry, but it makes no sense. Even if I assume that love is irrational (insert eye roll here) and thus Su-yeon, without warning, finds she's forgotten all the things she (justifiably) hated about Min-woo, the drama needed to make Min-woo apologise to Young-woo. He was a proper bully to her and the heart eyes that the drama makes at Min-woo in the last three episodes makes it seem as though his bullying shouldn't be held against him. That's messed up.

Similarly, what is up with Young-woo's dad? I understand that parenting is tough, but he's constantly making it about his troubles and his challenges, and the drama suggests this is acceptable. From early on, the drama makes it seem as though Young-woo breezes through life while her father suffers heartbreak after heartbreak because she's on the autism spectrum. Both as a child and as an adult, we're told she doesn't offer him comfort when he needs it. Of course it's valid to talk about how difficult parenting can be, but there should have been some indication of how difficult it was for Young-woo to make sense of the world around her.

It's also really problematic how Young-woo's dad considers her his property. The show doesn't address how he seems to encourage Young-woo to break up with Jun-ho — which could be seen as a way of ensuring she stays with her father and under is control. Control seems to be a major part of being a father in Bae-soo's book and the drama is happy to give him control over Young-woo's life. It's as though she 'owes' him that power because of all the challenges he faced while raising her when in fact he was doing what he signed up for. After all, he's the one who insisted Tae Su-mi have the child rather than opt for an abortion (as though her concerns are a sign of moral corruption which they're not). Arguably, his decision to set up a gimbap shop rather than pursue his law degree is irresponsible as a single father, but the show insists he's being heroic. In contrast, the show has no sympathy for a young Su-mi, who finds herself pregnant as a single young woman. There's no hint given to how difficult it must have been for her to convince her family to let her have the baby or how hard it was for her to give up the newborn child. Later, we're to have no sympathy for Su-mi as a parent — her response to finding out her son is a hacker is melodramatic and appalling — as though it's a cakewalk to raise a preternaturally intelligent kid who can go around hacking any device in sight.

The show never gives Su-mi a chance. The first time we see her, we're told she's privileged and benefiting from nepotism (she inherited the top spot at the law firm from her father). In the court case that she fights, we see Taesan's methods range from unscrupulous to being corrupt. Then she makes the offer of giving Young-woo a job in Taesan's American branch — not out of the kindness of her heart, but because she wants Young-woo out of sight and out of mind as she runs for the position of the Minister of Justice. Instead of approaching Young-woo, she goes to Bae-soo first. Again, the show doesn't see anything weird about that. Similarly, the CEO of Hanbada talks to Bae-soo when she's politicking, as though Young-woo is incapable of thinking for herself. Perhaps the most glaring example of Bae-soo's controlling streak is when he makes a deal with the CEO of Hanbada and tells her that Young-woo can be used for the CEO's ends only once. At no point does the show encourage the viewers to ask what gives Bae-soo the right to decide this? That too without even discussing the matter with Young-woo. At no point does anyone, least of all Young-woo, point out that Young-woo's life is her own. Her father does not get to make decisions about her.

It's a major problem that both the older women in Extraordinary Attorney Woo are shown as immoral and villainous. Tae Su-mi is demonised for having wanted an abortion as a student and ultimately, she has to lose her professional success — she excuses herself from the ministerial race — in order to be considered a good mother. That's disappointingly regressive. Meanwhile, we've been through 16 episodes, but we still don't know why the CEO of Hanbada has such a hostile relationship with Tae Su-mi. The show takes the time to explain (unconvincingly) how Tae Su-mi's son found out the secret that practically no one knows, but it doesn't feel the need to give an explanation for the animosity between these two women, who are both heading up law firms. It's almost as though the show is urging the viewer to go with the stereotype that women are inclined to have catfights with one another. It's a sharp contrast to the friendships Young-woo has with her girlfriends, but it's worth noting that neither of these friendships are with people who can be considered either her equal or her senior. Geurami may have some street-smart qualities, but she's quite obviously neither as smart nor as successful as Young-woo. There's less of an imbalance between Su-yeon and Young-woo, but it's clear that Su-yeon knows Young-woo is the better lawyer. She never competes with Young-woo.

For a show that began with so much heart and gave us so much to love, the last few episodes have felt disappointing and occasionally careless. After Young-woo described herself as a narwhal in a conversation with Su-mi, I expected to see a narhwal outside her train window in the last sequence. Instead, it was the regular humpback whale again and as beautiful as these VFX bits are in Extraordinary Attorney Woo, it would have been nice to see a narwhal swimming with a pod of belugas.

[yikesharringrove]

just me Thinkin Thots

-

Nobody brought their kids to Steve’s house.

He supposes it’s his own fault. Too many times kissing his dates on the front porch.

It still felt like shit though.

Watching through the window as parents look darkly at his little one-story, dragging their children away.

He always ended up trying not to cry, staring at the bowl of full-size candy bars.

He knew everyone in the neighborhood talked. He knew they all looked down their noses at him and his lifestyle, his gaggle of colorful-haired friends, the little rainbow flag he has tucked in the window box.

But he chose this, moved away from Hawkins to be out, to live his life in the way that will make him happiest.

Even if it meant no one Trick or Treated at his house.

He was sitting on the chair in the entry hall, steadily losing hope as no one came to his door.

It was close to eight o’clock.

Most of the parents would be bringing their kids home by now.

He had ripped open a few chocolate bars throughout the night, eaten them miserably.

He thought about packing it in, turning off the porch light and locking the door for real.

And then there was a knock.

He could hear voices outside.

“This is the last house, Baby, okay? Its so past your bedtime.”

Steve was giddy.

He wrenched open the door, holding onto his bowl of full sizers.

There was a guy on his porch, a guy he very much does not know, holding a little kid in a lion costume.

He would remember seeing this guy. He’s absolutely fucking gorgeous.

“Trick or Treat!” Steve melted at his little boy, at his sweet chubby cheeks, bright blue eyes.

Steve held out the bowl.

“Hi! Hi, Happy Halloween!” The guy eyed him. “Sorry. I haven’t had many people tonight.” The little boy was pawing through the bowl of candy.

His dad raised one thick eyebrow at him.

“We just moved into the neighborhood, down on the corner. Old bat next door said you were unsavory.” Steve sniffed. He was not gonna start crying.

“I’m not a creep, or anything. Just-”

“A queer?” He jerked his head to the little flag sitting in the window box. Steve stared. “I don’t think that makes a person unsavory.” Steve smiled weakly at him.

“You might be the only one on the block that thinks that.” The kid had taken as many big candy bars as his chubby little hands could hold, dumping them into the plastic pumpkin his dad was holding. “He’s really sweet.”

The guy smiled at his boy, bouncing him once on his hip.

“What do you say, Danny?”

Danny looked up at Steve, chubby cheeks bunching as he smiled.

“Thank you!” Steve smiled at him.

“Thank you both for coming! I was worried it’d be another year of wasted candy bars.”

“Well, you know he’s gonna eat too many of these tonight, because I just can’t say no to him.”

“I wouldn’t be able to either. I’m, uh, Steve. By the way.”

“Billy.”

“Y’know, if you need more candy bars, these are just gonna get tossed tomorrow so that I don’t eat them all.” Steve felt all over the place, his heart pounding against his ribs.

Billy just grinned at him.

“You that desperate for friends in the neighborhood?”

“Yes. Absolutely, yes.”

“Then, sure. I’ll bring Danny around for some candy bars. I’m sure he’d love that.”

“Okay! Yeah, I, yes. Come over anytime. I, uh, yeah.” Billy looked him over.

“You’re kind of a weird guy, Steve.”

“Yes. Thank you.” Steve could feel his face heating up. “I, you just caught me off guard, I guess. I’m used to spending the whole night just sitting here.”

“And this neighborhood came so highly recommended. Bummer it’s full of assholes.” Steve shrugged.

“What do you expect? It’s the fucking suburbs. Or, a sorry.” Steve looked frantically at Danny, not even registering the swear word until it had already slipped out.

Billy just laughed.

“You’re okay. His first word was ass.” Steve bit his lip. “Yeah, go ahead Pretty Boy. Laugh it up”

Steve would’ve laughed, if the words pretty boy didn’t slam him right in the gut. Billy just grinned at him.

“Listen, I should get him to bed, but you’re welcome to stop by for a, you know, good old fashioned Halloween drink.”

“Your, uh, your wife won’t mind?” Billy raised that brow at Steve again.

“Don’t got a wife. Don’t got a husband, neither.” Steve flushed.

“I have some caramel vodka. Mix it with apple juice and it tastes like candy.” Billy huffed a laugh.

“’Course it does.” He shifted Danny on his hip. “I’ve got more apple juice than I know what to do with. Come on over in like, half an hour?” Steve nodded once.

“Hey, thank you. For coming. Really made my night.”

“Thanks for the impending sugar rush I’m gonna deal with tomorrow.”

“Happy to help.” Billy bounced Danny once.

“Okay. I really gotta go.”

“Yeah. I’ll be there in a minute. Well, closer to thirty of ‘em.” Billy laughed, shaking his head lightly.

“Yep. Thirty of ‘em.” Steve beamed.

[softtrobed]

hm would you write a fic about annie coming out to jeff? i love their friendship and brother/sister relationship :)

thank you so much for this request! i honestly got a bit emotional writing this. annie coming out to jeff is something that can honestly be so personal...

there's some focus on annie coming out to other members of the study group, but it does mainly focus on her and jeff. i hope that's okay :)

Annie had decided to come out to her friends in the same way she tended to do most things: efficiently and beginning by making a list.

Well, she supposed the most efficient way would be to come out to all of them at the same time, but this way would be more effective in the long run. She knew they’d all have very different reactions, different questions to ask, different levels of surprise, so if they all found out at once, most likely no one’s questions would get answered (not just the ones she would politely ignore), the group would start talking over each other, someone would yell at Pierce and it would almost be forgotten what the point of the conversation even was. This way, although it would take longer, everyone would hopefully be satisfied.

She told Troy and Abed first. That was the easiest, as because the two were a couple, she had no doubt they’d be accepting. Additionally, in the time they’d lived together, she had a feeling they’d already picked up on some of her not-so-straight behaviours: the girl-crushes she formed on the pretty women in the movies they watched together and her disinterest or non-romantic affection towards the men she knew she was ‘supposed’ to swoon over; the way she giggled and twirled her hair while on the phone with a certain girl from Greendale she’d recently reconnected with; the one time she didn’t delete her search history from the apartment computer and Abed may or may not have seen her recent searches, which included among others, ‘am I gay test,’ ‘comphet meaning’ and ‘can you be straight but think girls are really pretty and rarely have long lasting feelings for men?’

She’d come out to them over breakfast one day, and they basically had the best response she could have wished for. They were totally cool with it, but didn’t make it a big deal. They joked about how she was no longer the token straight roommate, she hugged both of them, and the day went on as normal.

Annie had crossed their names off her list with a big smile on her face.

Next had been Britta. Annie had also guessed that she’d be accepting, as what had happened with Paige last year had been a bit misguided but well-intentioned. At least Annie didn’t have to worry about Britta only wanting to be her friend because she was a lesbian, because they were already friends, and Annie suspected Britta had learned her lesson.

As expected, Britta reacted well. Perhaps too well, loudly proclaiming her supporting for the LGBTQ community before asking a string of questions about what it was like dating girls and if kissing them was different if you were sobre and/or not doing it to prove you weren’t homophobic. Annie explained she didn’t know - she actually hadn’t kissed a girl yet - but did wonder if Britta’s questions weren’t just due to her being an ally. She could be wrong, but she had read something about queer people having a way of spotting each other. Still, it wasn’t her place to assume anything, and she put the thought out of her mind as she crossed off Britta’s name.

Next was Jeff. This was a bit trickier. Once again, she didn’t think Jeff would be at all homophobic (unless he turned out to be one of those men who only viewed relationships between women as hot, but she’d cross that bridge if she came to it), but coming out to him made her nervous for another reason. Ever since they’d kissed at the Transfer Dance, his feelings for her had seemed unclear. At first, he’d seemed determined to forget it ever happened - which she’d found unfair at the time, but now appreciated - but lately, it was possible he had actually become interested in her. It felt… really weird, when she thought about it for too long. Not only was she definitely not interested in him, but, partially due to their age gap, their relationship felt too close to a father-daughter or older brother-younger sister relationship to be romantic. Sometimes she wondered why she’d ever liked him like that at all.

Although, since she’d extensively researched what comphet was and realised that was undoubtedly what she’d been experiencing, she could understand a bit better she’d never really liked him to begin with, she’d just latched onto a seemingly unattainable man to convince herself she could be attracted to guys, yet again.

As everyone packed up their stuff to leave the study room, Annie remained seated. “Um, Jeff,” she said. “We’ve both got a free period now, right?”

“Right,” Jeff replied, not looking up from his phone.

“Would you mind if I talked to you about something?”

He looked at her curiously. “Yeah, sure.”

Troy, Abed and Britta had clearly all realised what was going on. Abed gave her a small, supportive smile, Troy gave a quick thumbs up, and Britta winked in a way Annie guessed was meant to be subtle, but no doubt everyone in the room saw.

“Come on, guys,” she said, ushering the others out of the room. “This sounds important, and private, and we’ve all got classes to get to.”

Shirley stopped, muttering that she’d forgotten a textbook, but Britta practically pushed her out of the door as Abed said in a deep voice, seeming to have taken the opportunity to act like a security guard, “Keep it moving.”

Annie smiled as she watched them leave, her friends dramatics a pleasant distraction from what she was about to do. She turned back to Jeff to see he’d put his phone down. Clearly, he knew this was serious. “So,” he said. “What did you want to talk to me about?”

Annie opened her mouth, let out a squeak, then closed it. This was going to be difficult. Maybe she should have just come out to everyone at the same time, the consequences be damned. That way, she would have got it all over with at once.

“Annie, is everything okay?” Jeff sounded so genuine in his concern, a relatively rare sight. “You know you can tell me if something’s bothering you?”

“No, everything’s fine,” she assured him, finding her voice, but he didn’t look convinced. She took a deep breath. “I was thinking recently about that time we kissed.” He looked confused for a second. Didn’t he remember that night? Not that she cared, of course. “You know? During the dance at the end of our first year? I had just decided not to move to Delaware with Vaughn-”

“Right, right,” he cut her off. “I remember. Sorry, go ahead.”

“Thank you,” she said curtly. “So, I’ve been thinking about our kiss, and-”

Once more, he interrupted her. This was just getting annoying. “Annie, look, I know I’ve been giving… pretty mixed signals about my feelings for you, or if I even have any, but lately I’ve taken a good look at myself, and realised that it would never really feel right to be with you. For many reasons, none of which are your fault. It’s just that you’re much younger than me, and you often feel like a little sister to me - as well as a friend, of course - so I’m sorry, but-”

“Jeff.” Her firm tone silenced him.

There, she thought. How does it feel to be interrupted?

“I don’t want to be with you either!”

“Really?” he checked. “Because it wouldn’t be your fault if you did, I’m the one who needs to keep whatever feelings I have for you in check. Plus, I mean, I wouldn’t blame you…”

She rolled her eyes, but a smile began creeping onto her face. “I swear. I was going to say that I’ve been thinking about that kiss because of how, back then, I thought I really liked you. In a romantic way, I mean. But recently, I’ve realised that I just made myself think I liked you, even loved you. I wanted to convince myself I could be attracted to men, so just like with Troy in high school, I picked an unattainable - or so I thought - man. In his case: someone cool and popular who I thought would never notice ‘little Annie Aderal.’ With you, a cool, older guy who just saw me as a child.”

“Annie.” Jeff’s tone was serious but not annoyed. “Are you saying what I think you are?”

She nodded, her lips a thin line. “I’m a lesbian, Jeff. I really hope this doesn’t change things between us, although, honestly, knowing you don’t want to be with me is a big relief, because I was worried I’d break your heart or make things weird, but…” She paused. She was getting ahead of herself. “Well, have I made things weird?”

“Of course you haven’t! Thank you for telling me, that was really brave, especially if you thought I was still interested in you.”

“Thanks,” she said. She quickly added, “It’s not that I thought you’d react really badly. I don’t see you as someone who thinks he’s somehow entitled to any women he has feelings for, but still… I didn’t want to hurt you.”

He stood up, walking around to her side of the table, presumably to remove the physical and metaphorical distance between them, and gesturing for her to stand up as well, which she did. “You haven’t hurt me at all, Annie, I promise. I care about you, so much, even - no, especially - as a friend, and I just want you to be happy. Even if I was madly in love with you - which, thankfully, I’m not - I could never be upset at you, or anyone, for this.”

Annie could feel tears forming in her eyes. “Aww, Jeff!” She practically threw herself at him, wrapping him in a tight hug which he happily returned, laughing.

“Okay, we don’t have to make this all dramatic,” he said, but Annie was sure he sounded a bit choked up.

They came apart, smiling at each other for a few seconds before Jeff hesitantly reached out and gave her a pat on the head. “For old time’s sake,” he explained.

Annie had never felt happier while being given a head pat, which didn’t say much, she knew, but it was accurate, as she’d probably felt happier in general at some point in her life. Still, this was definitely in her top ten.

That night, she crossed off Jeff’s name, remembering the days she would doodle hearts as she wrote down his name, or paired her first and his last. This time, she instead drew a little smiley face. That was far more accurate, she thought. The thought of Jeff no longer made her heart flutter in her chest, but he made her smile, and she was more than happy with that.

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Seventeen

@lukadrien-june

Read it on AO3: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Seventeen: Broken Families

“Sup, G Flat,” Xavier-Yves greeted as he descended the stairs into the main cabin of the Liberty.

Adrien grimaced but mentally reminded himself to be nice for Luka’s sake.

“Hi, XY. Luka’s actually not here right now. He’s out with the Capitaine, and I don’t think they’ll be back soon,” he informed, hoping that that would be the end of his exposure to the popstar for the day.

XY shrugged, taking a seat on the opposite limb of the L-shaped couch from Adrien.

“That’s okay,” XY assured as he made himself comfortable, spreading out like a starfish and pulling his laptop out of his bag. “You probably don’t know this because you’re still pretty new here, but I have the okay to just kick it here whenever I want.”

Adrien nodded, internally cursing his lot in life. “I see. That’s cool.”

“Yeppers,” Xavier-Yves agreed, barely paying Adrien any mind as he started up his audio editing program.

Adrien set aside the book he’d borrowed from Luka, seeing that he wasn’t going to get any more reading done in XY’s presence.

“How long do you think you’ll hang out?” Adrien inquired, trying to sound interested rather than rude and impatient for Xavier-Yves to leave.

XY shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe a couple hours? Probably until this evening.”

Adrien mentally swore.

“I’m hiding from my dad,” XY added voluntarily.

Adrien frowned. “Why?”

XY clicked his tongue. “He’s trying to set me up with some actress. You know. For publicity and all that.”

Adrien shuddered. “My father made me do that a couple times. I’ve always hated that kind of thing.”

“Dude, I know!” XY exclaimed, looking up from his computer screen. “Sucks, right?!”

Adrien nodded. “I mean, some of the girls were okay, and I may have even been able to like one or two of them in earnest if we’d met more naturally and it had been our decision to date, but…those arrangements are so staged. I always resented them as just one more thing Father was making me do against my will and completely ignoring my wishes about.”

“Tch. Yeah,” Xavier-Yves scoffed. “Trust me. I hear you.”

Just as suddenly as the conversation started, it ended, and XY seemed to go back to his laptop.

Adrien gave his book a sidelong look, debating whether to take it up to the deck to continue reading in peace.

Before he could come to a decision, XY broke back into Adrien’s thoughts.

“…So…you’re bi or what?”

Adrien gave a start. “What?”

“You said you could have liked some of the girls your dad made you date,” XY explained, “but I always thought you had a thing for Luka…so are you bi or in denial or what?”

Adrien stared at his love rival for a moment, trying to determine whether he should be affronted by XY’s abrupt demands for personal information.

Xavier-Yves looked at Adrien expectantly with seemingly no malice or agenda hidden behind his words.

It was then that Adrien remembered what Luka had told him about XY’s penchant for coming across as rude due to his lack of normal socialization—something Adrien could, unfortunately, relate to.

Adrien decided to take XY’s question in good faith and answered, “I think I’m probably bi.”

XY cocked an eyebrow. “What do you mean you think you’re bi? Isn’t that something you just know?”

Adrien shifted uncomfortably under Xavier-Yves’s scrutiny. “I think it’s confusing because the media really only shows men and women ending up with one another, so that’s how I thought it had to be when I was growing up. I didn’t realize guys were actually an option until later, and I’ve mostly just been interested in girls so far. I mean, I can tell if a guy is attractive, but Luka’s the only guy I’ve ever been attracted to in practice, not just in theory.”

XY blinked several times, trying to parse Adrien’s response. “…So…you’re bi?”

“At least as far as Luka’s concerned,” Adrien confirmed with a shrug.

“You make my head hurt,” XY announced. “You’re just thinking about it too much.”

“Maybe,” Adrien chuckled, musing that XY might have accidentally stumbled upon the truth.

Xavier-Yves shook his head. “I’ve always known I was gay. I never even looked at girls as a kid.”

Adrien’s eyes widened. “I-I’m sorry. I always assumed you were bi. Well…after I found out about your feelings for Luka, anyway. Until then, I thought you were straight.”

XY rolled his eyes and waved dismissively. “That’s because my dad says I have to stay in the closet.”

Adrien’s jaw descended several centimeters. “He what?”

XY nodded, setting his laptop aside and angling more towards Adrien. “My dad says that gay doesn’t sell and that all of my fangirls will stop buying my music and coming to concerts if they find out I only like dudes, so I can’t tell anyone I’m gay.”

Adrien blinked dumbly, finding himself wondering if his own father would react similarly if he found out about Adrien being queer. A lot of people in fashion were, so maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal, but…somehow, Adrien got the feeling that Gabriel would probably prefer it if Adrien kept that fact to himself and found a nice female partner.

“…I’m sorry,” Adrien mumbled, suddenly seeing past the annoying, inconvenient aspects of XY to the very real person with problems and feelings and dreams underneath.

XY shrugged. “Is what it is. Just don’t you go tellin’ people.”

“I would never do that,” Adrien was quick to assure.

XY gave a snort as he nodded. “Good.”

“…So…you’re not allowed to date?” Adrien inquired, morbid curiosity getting the best of him.

XY shook his head. “Nah. Dad would flip. It’s okay, though. I’ve never been really into anyone before, so it was, like, whatever.”

Adrien’s eyebrow arched. “What about Luka? You seem pretty into him.”

“Luka’s different,” Xavier-Yves confirmed with a passionate punch to the words. “He’s the one, you know?”

Adrien dropped his gaze, wilting slightly because he knew that fact all too well.

“I’d come out, if he wanted me to,” XY continued. “I don’t know. Luka’s kind of quiet and private, so I don’t know if he’d want to make it all public, but he’d at least want to tell his friends who he was seeing, so it would get out there eventually. I wouldn’t care, though. He’s worth it.”

“You really care about him a lot,” Adrien whispered.

“You bet I do,” XY insisted. “You know how annoying and dumb I am.”

Adrien’s head jerked up at the blatant self-deprecation.

“Not a lot of people like me. A lot of people pretend to because they want something, but they don’t actually like me,” XY snorted.

Adrien suddenly felt a chill at hearing circumstances that so closely echoed his own.

“Luka didn’t like me at first, and he had a good excuse not to, but instead of telling me to get lost when I came to ask him to teach me about loving music, he put up with me,” XY recounted with a soft look of gratitude and affection in his placid blue eyes.

“He was really patient, and he taught me and helped me be a better person. My dad taught me a lot of bad things.” His eyes dropped to the floor as he confessed his past shortcomings. “I didn’t know they were bad until Luka told me so…so I owe him a lot. I’d do anything for him.”

Adrien nodded passively, averting his gaze as he wondered if Luka wouldn’t be better off with XY than himself.

Xavier-Yves could give Luka fortune and industry contacts, and while “Roth” wasn’t the most well-liked surname in Paris, it was worlds ahead of “Agreste” which had become synonymous with “dirt” a month previously when Papillon’s identity had been revealed.

Maybe Adrien should step aside romantically and focus on being a good, supportive friend to Luka.

“I’d do anything for him,” Xavier-Yves repeated solemnly, “…even if that meant bowing out and supporting his happiness with you.”

Adrien’s head jerked up again, and he gaped at XY in disbelief. “What?”

XY shrugged. “The most important thing is that Luka is happy, yeah?”

Adrien nodded, still not understanding. “Yes. Absolutely. But…what does that have to do with me?”

XY shook his head. “You’re important to him. We’re both really important to him. I can’t tell you how many times he’s asked me to try to play nice with you these past few weeks because he wants us both in his life, and he wants us all to get along.”

Adrien’s lips rounded into a small “o”.

XY nodded. “I want him to be happy. Even if you win, I want him to be happy, so I’m gonna try to be friends with you because it’s important to Luka.”

Adrien slowly began to nod. “Okay. I can’t promise I’ll ever really like you much, but I’m going to tolerate you for Luka’s sake. So, let’s make this work, okay?”

“Deal,” XY agreed with a wide grin, holding out his fist to Adrien for a fist bump.

Chuckling, Adrien leaned forward and touched his fist to XY’s.

“…So,” Xavier-Yves remarked after the moment had passed. “Wanna watch a movie or something?”

Adrien shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“How good’s your English?” XY asked, grabbing his laptop and opening up his video library.

“Not fluent, but I should be able to watch a movie without subtitles,” Adrien replied, moving to sit next to Xavier-Yves.

XY looked up at Adrien and tipped his head to the side. “You ever heard of Abbott and Costello?”

Adrien frowned, searching his memory banks. “…The comedy duo?”

XY nodded enthusiastically, a wide grin quickly spreading from one cheek to the other. “They’re super dope. You’ll love them. Let’s watch In Society. It’s got one of my favourite routines.”

“All right,” Adrien easily agreed, reasoning that he owed it to Luka and himself to make an effort. “Sounds good.”

 A little over an hour later, Luka returned to find Adrien and Xavier-Yves in a pile on the couch, leaning on one another to keep themselves upright as they chortled, “He’s not dead, Lady! He’s hiding!”

“I see you showed him Abbott and Costello?” Luka remarked, announcing his presence.

XY pushed himself up to grin adoringly at Luka. “Yeah. We were just thinking about watching another. Wanna join us?”

“Sure,” Luka chuckled, coming around to their side of the couch.

Adrien scooted over to make room for Luka between himself and XY.

“After all, it’s not every day that two of my best friends are able to spend time together without wanting to kill one another. We should do something to celebrate,” Luka reasoned.

“We’re not that bad. We just…verbally snipe at each other sometimes,” Adrien giggled, quickly snuggling up to Luka at exactly the same moment XY wrapped his arm around Luka’s shoulders.

“Yeah,” XY seconded. “The only friend of yours I want to kill is that Jacob loser.”

Luka groaned, rolling his eyes.

Adrien lifted his head to look around Luka at Xavier-Yves. “Jacob?”

XY nodded. “That bassist in his band. He’s Luka’s ex.”

Adrien quirked an eyebrow. “We can’t be civil with Luka’s exes?”

XY’s eyes narrowed. “Jacob’s one of the four he slept with.”

“Oh,” Adrien replied flatly, his opinion abruptly changing.

“Yeah. Those ones are dead to me,” Xavier-Yves snorted.

“Can we not talk about my love life?” Luka sighed, tipping his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “It’s really not that interesting. Let’s watch the movie.”

XY clicked his tongue. “I beg to be different. I am super interested in the people you’ve slept with.”

“Prune,” Luka groaned. “Drop it. I’ve been the adult in this household since I was ten. I’m allowed to sleep with whomever my little demi heart loves.”

“Would you sleep with me?” XY wondered curiously.

Luka’s cheeks flushed as he pointedly avoided Xavier-Yves’s gaze. “No comment.”

“Would you sleep with him?” XY pressed, jabbing a finger at Adrien.

Luka choked on air, making a wheezing sound of distress.

“No comment,” he managed with some effort.

“How about a threesome?” Xavier-Yves suggested amicably.

Adrien burst out laughing, snuggling in closer.

“For the love of whatever you hold sacred, start the movie already before I strangle you,” Luka pleaded.

“I could be into that,” XY replied, waggling his eyebrows.

Luka threw his hands up in the air, exclaiming, “Aaaaah!”

This caused Adrien to laugh even harder.

XY joined in.

[exhaustedfander]

Oh, Bi the Way [Analogical]

Here’s a fun little Analogical highschool au where Virgil comes out as Bi to Logan. Reblogs and feedback are really appreciated! 

a03 link

word count: 2,351

Virgil paces tight circles in his bedroom, his hands woven in his hair as his mind runs rampant. He glances out the window, the daylight golden and fading outside. Logan will be here soon, he realizes with dread, his heart hammering even faster at the thought.

I shouldn’t be this fucking nervous, he thinks to himself as if most things in life don’t make him anxious. Virgil’s been plagued by horrible anxiety for most of his life, but this really isn’t something that should be putting the pit in his stomach that it is.

But he’s been hiding something – is still hiding something and it’s so goddamn stupid. It really isn’t a big deal. He should be able to go ahead and say it no problem. Except Virgil’s stupid brain has to make things so fucking complicated, doesn’t it?! It has to mess with him and make him think that maybe people are going to freak out and maybe it’s going to be a total disaster.

He’s bisexual.

Yeah, yeah. He knows it isn’t a big deal. Tons of people are queer, and he just happens to be one of them. For fuck’s sake, his best friend Logan is gay! It’s not his fault that no one had told him there was an in-between. He was anxious enough about crushes on girls so once he figured out boys too? Well, he didn’t have the balls to tell anyone.

Sometimes he blamed it on the fact that he grew up in the foster system. Getting shuffled around from home to home the way he did, he didn’t exactly have a chance to get a good set of parents to teach him the ins-and-outs of the LGBTQ+ community. He was a fourteen-year-old getting bounced around, not even trying to get close to any of the people whose care he was under because in a blink of an eye, they’d be gone.

And then he’d gotten adopted by the Knight-Hart’s. It was still what Virgil was probably the most grateful for in his life. He was fourteen-in-a-half, having lost hope of being adopted years ago and yet here he was, brought into the home of two of the sweetest people he’d ever met.

It’s so stupid – Virgil’s parents are gay! He’s got two dads and he can’t even tell them he’s bi? Why does his brain hate him so much?! His fathers’ have helped him so much in the few years he’s been in their care, bringing more happiness and joy into his life than he’d known in so long. His Pops is always making dad jokes that Virgil can pretend he despises all he wants, but really, they crack him up. He’s such a kind, good-hearted guy who’s been nothing but supportive of Virgil since day one. His dad is no different in that respect, loving just the same but with a bit more bravado and eccentricities. What can he say? His dad’s an actor and his flair for the dramatics fail to surprise Virgil any longer.

He loves them. He really loves them but it’s still so hard to think about coming out to them, let alone Logan. God, Logan’s going to be there anytime now!

Virgil continues his pacing, trying his best to steady his breathing. If he can muster up the courage, he’s going to tell him. Virgil’s going to come out to his best friend.

After everything the pair’s been through, Logan deserves to know. Virgil met John in the beginning of high school, a time where he found it almost impossible to make friends of any kind. Virgil’s anxiety and self-doubt made having a mere successful conversation feel like an accomplishment of some kind. He didn’t think he’d ever get the chance to have a true friend, let alone a best friend. But when he met Logan that all changed.

Despite Virgil’s hesitations, they got along famously right away. Although Logan was far stiffer and more out of touch with pop-culture than anyone Virgil had ever met (Seriously, he pronounced “fam” as fahm) he was also an incredibly smart and interesting person who Virgil was proud to know. Logan could tell him so many interesting facts about outer-space or the ocean and was always really good about handling Virgil’s anxiety. Virgil had never met someone who he clicked with so instantaneously before, they just got each other. Even if they were spending time together doing separate things, Virgil was thankful to merely be in Logan’s presence. He kept him grounded.

So, of course he fell hard for him. it’s not like Virgil doesn’t know that there’s a change that his feelings are reciprocated, it isn’t impossible. Just unlikely, and damn does it sure feel impossible. Virgil’s been spending the nearly four years he’s known Logan trying to convince himself that he’s straight as an arrow and doesn’t feel anything for Logan – neither of which things are true, of course.

The two friends are going to the same college, so it isn’t like Virgil’s gonna have any room to breathe and get other his feelings. He’s been dancing around things for so long, and frankly it’s getting kind of exhausting. Virgil isn’t expecting Logan to feel the same way – god, he’s never been that much of an optimist in all his life – but telling him is something Virgil’s decided he has to go through with.

If he can manage to muster up the courage, that is.

Logan arrives, punctual as always and beautiful as ever. Logan’s the only kid Virgil’s ever met who wears a tie almost daily, claiming such attire is an attribute of his “seriousness.” Hah, as if Virgil doesn’t know about his unicorn onesie, not that he’d tell anyone about it. He’ll let Logan keep up the “serious” act, if that’s what he wants. It suits him, anyhow.

Virgil’s going to give it a minute, he decides, and they start to do their homework in relative silence. This is no oddity for the pair, they often spend time over at each other’s homes after school to do work or catch up or both. But Virgil’s heart isn’t usually beating out of his chest when he’s doing his fucking APLit homework. He told himself he was just going to take a minute to collect his thoughts before breaking the silence, but god, it’s been like thirty minutes at least and he hasn’t said anything and he’s getting too fucking nervous and he doesn’t think he can do this and –

“Virgil?” Logan’s voice cuts through the haze of his mind, voice calm and collected.

“Uh – yeah?” Virgil replies dumbly, his eyes snapping up to meet Logan’s gaze. Logan shuts his book, moving from his spot at Virgil’s desk to sitting beside him on his bed, a look of concern etched into his face.

“Are you alright? You seem distressed, and you’ve been reading that same page for over five minutes now.”

Shit, Virgil hadn’t even noticed. Logan’s question has offered him the perfect Segway to what he wants to say, it couldn’t have been laid out better. Except…Virgil can’t do this. He’s too nervous, and his hands are trembling, and this is going to be an absolute train-wreck.

“I’m fine,” Virgil mutters, hoping Logan will just drop it. He just wants to burry himself in his own cowardice, thank you very much. “Just a little distracted, I guess.”

“Forgive me if I don’t believe you,” Logan’s voice is even and steady, so the opposite of how Virgil’s feeling, “but you appear to be very nervous. For several days now, your anxiety has appeared to be heightened. I didn’t want to voice my…” Logan swallows thickly, “…concerns, fearing it might only worsen things. But I must confess, I’m getting a bit worried.”

Well fuck, is all Virgil can think. Logan, in the absolute sweetest way possible, has backed him into a corner. Evidently, Logan’s been worried about him and the thought makes his stomach turn. He hadn’t even realized he was acting any more nervous than he usually does.

"I don’t suppose you won’t just drop this for a while?” Virgil asks with a fleeting hope that maybe he can escape this in one piece.

“I’m afraid not.” Virgil sighs. It figures.

“Okay. Okay, you’re going to think this is so fucking stupid.”

“I highly doubt that. When was the last time I reacted in such a way to you telling me something?” Logan makes a good point, as Virgil can’t remember a recent instance.

“I mean, sure, but this is really dumb, L. I’ve kinda been trying to tell you this for forever, but, big surprise, I’m really anxious about it.” Virgil flinches as he feels a hand settle onto his shoulder, seeing the sincere concern in Logan’s eyes.

“Whatever it is you want to tell me, I’m here, Virgil. I’m your friend and your fears are not baseless or dumb. It’s okay to be afraid.” Virgil’s pulse hammers in his ears as he nods, taking a shaky breath.

“Yeah alright…s-so uh, I’m bi.” Virgil nervously ducks his head, his eyes landing on the carpet. It’s not like it would make sense for Logan to react poorly, but like, what if he did?

“Well, thank you for telling me, Virgil. How long have you –.”

“I dunno, a while,” Virgil interrupts, still not looking at Logan, “See? I told you, stupid.” “I never said stupid. You aren’t stupid for not coming out until now, there is no time limit or restrictions when it comes to identity. I’m glad you told me, Virge. Thank you, I know that it can be very hard to do so.” Virgil finally feels confident enough to meet Logan’s eyes, a lopsided smile forming on his face.

“Thanks, man. That kinda makes me feel better. You’re, uh, the first person I’ve told. I wanted it to be you who I told first, that is. Cuz, you know, we’re…” Virgil hesitates, struggling through the words “such good friends.” The pressure on his shoulder reseeds and is replaced at his hand where Logan has laced their fingers together. Virgil feels a shiver run down his spine.

“Is that all you wanted to tell me, or was there something else as well?” Virgil can feel the heat radiating off of him, knowing his cheeks are going crimson. Fuck, fuck Logan knows. He knows and he’s pitying him.

“I – uhh –,” Virgil sputters, incredibly dignified.

“I only ask because you still seem to be rather nervous. I’m not trying to provoke you and I apologize if that’s what I’ve made you to believe. I’m –.”

“I’m also, uh, kinda really in love with you.” Virgil can’t help it, it just comes up like word vomit. He can’t believe he just said that! He’s sure any second now Logan’s going to let go of his hand and push him away. He’s sure Logan will leave and never come back, and he’ll have lost his best friend.

“You…you are?” Logan doesn’t sound outraged or disgusted. He sounds relieved.

“Uh, y-yeah. Shit, did I just make things weird?” From the way Virgil finds Logan taking a fistful of Virgil’s hoodie and pulling him into a kiss, he’s inclined to believe that no, he didn’t just make things weird. The embrace is clumsy at first, their teeth knocking before Virgil’s hands are laced in Logan’s hair, melting into this kiss.

“I love you too, in case that wasn’t clear,” Logan says breathlessly as they part, their foreheads pressed together. Virgil laughs, relief washing over him in waves.

“Fuck, L, I thought I was about to lose you as a friend or something. I never entertained the thought that…”

“That I’ve been in love with you for years?” Virgil’s lips curled into a smirk.

“Years, huh?” He asks, as if he probably hasn’t loved Logan for just as long unknowingly.

“And here I’ve been, suffering in the belief that you were heterosexual. And you know my stance on feelings.” Virgil laughs, kissing Logan again and wondering how quickly you can become addicted to something because holy shit, this is amazing.

“Yeah, yeah, their “the bane of your existence” and all that.”

“Priestley.”

“Full disclosure, there’s no way I’m finishing my homework now,” Virgil says. Logan swats him.

“You horrid delinquent.” Virgil chuckles again, throwing his arms around Logan and pulling him into a bone-crushing hug. For two boys who claim to be averse to most physical contact, they seem to be enjoying themselves a fair amount.

“Okay, this is probably a stupid question, but are we a thing now?”

“Are you asking to be my boyfriend?”

“Maaaaybe.”

“Well then I accept. I find your presence to be tolerable.” Virgil snorts, holding Logan closer than he ever has and never wanting to let him go before a thought comes to mind.

“Hey, L?”

“Mm?”

“You wanna stay for dinner and help me come out to my dads?” Virgil can’t believe it, but for once in his life he’s feeling brave. Logan’s made him feel brave.

“I would be more than happy to offer my assistance.” Virgil grins. “It’s gonna be great because they already love you, I mean, you’re so fuckin’ smart, and nice, and cute, and –.” “You’re rambling, Virge.” Virgil pulls away to see the flush on Logan’s cheeks.

“Aww, you’re embarrassed!”

“I absolutely am not.”

“Lo?” “Yes, Virgil?” The fondness in Logan’s tone was just about to kill him it was so sweet. Virgil kisses him again, long and slow, his hands planted firmly above Logan’s waist. His boyfriend – oh my god, he has a boyfriend! – continues to lean in, even as he pulls away. There’s no way Virgil’s ever going to recover from the cuteness.

“I love you.” Logan sighs contently.

“I love you too, Virge.”

“Virgil, honey, dinner’s ready!” Virgil’s Pops calls from downstairs. Virgil and Logan share a somewhat nervous, lovesick glance.

"Let’s go tell my dad’s I’m bi as fuck and have an insanely nerdy boyfriend,” Virgil says as he gets up from the bed, earning a chuckle from Logan. Logan grips onto his hand.

“Lead the way.”

=+=

[descendantofthesparrow]

Encore - Harry Hook x reader -  Part 17 - bday present for myself~

Harry cursed to himself, the island he was going to use to propose to (y/n) on was some sanctuary for an endangered species and the wildlife preserves didn’t want humans on the island. So he would have to figure out something else for his propos…wait…her birthday was next week! And he had been wanting to do a surprise party for her, and Gil had suggested a scavenger hunt for her to do to keep her busy.

He already had the ring, permission to marry her from her aunt, and the knowing that if he asked, she would say yes…

All he had to do was add one more thing.

=

You sighed, setting down the heavy crate, wiping sweat from your neck as you stood. “gods, why does it gotta be so warm today” you groaned, undoing the colling towel from your belt and tossing it on your face “aahhhh that’s the good stuff~”

“(y/n) what are you doing?” you took off the towel and tossed it around your neck, sighing as the heat on your neck finally decreased.

“cooling down, it's like 95 out here” you complained, turning to look at Bonnie, who was holding two cold waterbottles “oohhhh fuckin-thank you!” she snorted and tossed one to you, you caught It in mid-air and cracked it open, gulping down the cold drink.

“slow down girl” Bonnie chuckled, cracking opening her bottle and starting to drink “oh, happy birthday by the way” you burped and grinned at her.

“Thanks, Bonnie,” you blinked in surprise as she handed you a note. “oh, thank-“

“yeah yeah, see you later girl” Bonnie trotted off deck, soon walking out of sight. You shrugged and tore open the paper.

It was Harry's handwriting.

-hello my bonnie lass~ today is your birthday and I wanted to celebrate it by giving you a scavenger hunt to your party today

It will be from the isle to Auradon, no stone left unturned.

Now go to the place, where our first meeting occurred.

You pursed your lips, tilting your head, where you first met huh? Well, that would be on the isle. You closed the note and stuffed it in your pocket, heading to your cabin for a moment to change your clothes, grab your bag, and your motorbike keys.

=

You looked around the slightly collapsed building, where you had originally met harry, after the chase between the gaston twins and you.

“oh,” you gasped, kneeling next to a large chunk of building and pulling out an envelope beneath it. Standing up you leaned against the wall and opened the note, a small bracelet falling out with it, golden painted seashells and opals danced across the metal, you slipped it on and read the note.

-you found it lass, now in the spot where the stars shine bright, the place I realized my heart was yours that night.

You groaned slightly, a smile on your face, he was being cheesy with these hints, but his rhyming wasn’t bad.

But you knew exactly where he was talking about, the hiding spot.

=

You took off your shoes, walking along the shore of the small inlet. You took a deep breath, the air much cleaner than the first time you had been here.

You spotted the white envelope holding the next clue, you trotted over and pulled it out, smiling at the long thin box underneath it. You pulled the box and opened it, clicking your tongue and tilting your head.

A new golden chain for your ruby necklace. You closed the box and slipped it into your bag, opening the note you laughed at the twin's messy handwriting.

-hi aunt (y/n)! harry let us write this note! -skipper

-so the next clue is “where you joined the crew”-sterling

“that’s an easy one” you snorted, but you couldn’t give them crap, they were only 12. So you walked the short distance from the hidden beach to the chip shop, nodding to the patrons as you entered.

“Hey (y/n) Hook left this for ya” Cook handed you the letter and a small bag, you grinned and nodded. “happy birthday by the way”

“Thanks, cook, see you later” you walked out of the shop and leaned on the docks outside. Opening the bag you snorted at the new leather gloves inside, small painted designs on the leather.

“such a dork” you whispered, taking out the note and grinning at it.

-another job well done my love, now for the place were we spar, and we “hit” it off

You groaned and rubbed your forehead, you remembered that…your head still hurt after that day.

=

You stepped onto the old lost revenge, even with Umas magic, it had been unable to sail again, so now it was used as an isle home for the crew. Desiree grinned, holding up the note and another small bag.

“hey, commander~ happy birthday!”

“Thanks, Desiree” you chirped, grabbing the note and bag from her “you can go ahead and do what you’re supposed to do after you give me this”

“Thanks, girl, see you later!” she hopped off the rails and walked off the ship, going through the tunnel to the bridge.

You opened the bag to see a scarlet headband with silver hook embroidered into the side, you slipped it on and opened the note.

-hope Desiree didn’t just leave the present unattended for you to find but! This next clue is just across the border, when I got to hold you in my arms once again.

Alright, to the bridge it is.

=

You stepped across where the magic barrier used to be, looking to your left, seeing a small stone holding down a note.

You walked over and picked it up, seeing no mini present. Opening it up you smiled.

-sorry love no present with this one, too risky for someone to take it, but this next one will be where we walked into Auradon together for the first time

Alright then, so just the other side of the bridge. Turning around you walked back to your motorbike and swung your leg over the seat and started the engine. You quickly strapped your helmet on and drove to the other side of the bridge.

=

You tilted your head at Evie, who smiled and waved at you, holding out a note “hey (y/n)! happy birthday! Here you go!” you dismounted your bike and met her halfway, nodding at her.

“Thanks, Evie, see you later” she nodded and ran off, presumably to your “surprise” party. Opening the note you chuckled.

-astute as always love (though im not really making these hard am I?) but the next is where I learned I wouldn’t be ripped from your arms for the second time

The courtyard of Bens castle, where you and Harry had gotten the keys from Persephone. You got back on your bike and rode off through the bridge gate to Auradon, making the 15 minute trip to bens castle.

“hey beasty boy!” you called, waving to the king who was just exiting his castle “you probably got something for me don’t cha?”

He shrugged “maybe? Dunno- ow” you punched his shoulder and held out your hand “okay okay here, I’ll see you later (y/n)” he handed you the next note and walked off, but you didn’t bother to pay attention where.

You ripped open the envelope, once more smiling at Harry's handwriting.

-Final clue my love, where we stepped through to our new life

That one made you think for a moment before it hit you. The door, the very first door you and harry stepped through to get to your world.

But you don’t remember a room behind it? Which it probably did but who knows. Good news was the door was in Bens castle so you unlipped your helmet and hung it off one of the handles, walking through the gates and making your way through the castle.

You stood in front of the door, looking at the small note taped to it.

-happy birthday (y/n)

You took a breath and opened the door, laughing as the room burst with streamers and confetti.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!”

The entire crew, the core four, Ben, Jane, Lonnie, even Audrey was there, blowing horns and throwing confetti in the air, screaming in your face.

“guys!” you whipped a stray tear from your cheek “awwww…ive never been thrown a surprise party before!”

“Really?” Jane gasped “why not?!”

You shrugged, “dunno, guys people from my world aren’t as amazing as you guys”

“aw thanks” Evie sniffed, smiling at something behind you. You rose your brow at her and turned around, gasping and stumbling back.

“H-Harry?! Wha-“ Harry stood infront of you, a clean dark red suit fitted on his body, his hair combed back yet still in that wild style you loved, his eyeliner clean.

“(y/n), yeh have been the light of meh life for the past two years, since yeh fell into my life. Yeh have saved me from becoming a dark bitter person hell-bent on revenge, yeh have saved me from my da, yeh have protected meh family” oh gods you were already crying “and eh have both given and helped meh love, and I want to spend the rest of meh life with yeh, and love yeh for the rest of meh life, so” he kneeled on one knee, taking out a red velvet box from his pocket and opening it, revealing his mothers red ruby ring, in a brand new golden band with small bits of sea glass running down the sides “will you marry me-“ you fell to your knees, tears streaming down your face, unable to talk.

You let out incomprehensible babbles and nodded, leaping into Harry's arms and wrapping your arms around his neck “Im guessing it’s a yes” Harry chuckled, pulling you back and smiling, tears brimming in his eyes.

“yes” you croaked “yes I will marry you, you giant dork” Harry laughed but you shut him up quickly, pressing your lips to his.

Harry hummed into the kiss, lifting you slightly and tilting his head to deepen the kiss.

“Alright alright” Carlos chuckled, walking over and patting Harry's shoulder “wed rather not see you two do it right in front of us please”

Harry separated from you and glared at Carlos “shut it up, let me enjoy this” he muttered, smiling at you and helping you stand, sliding the ruby ring onto your ring finger.

He kissed you again, bringing up your hand and kissing it “happy birthday my love”

“I love you Harry” you whispered, still whipping away your tears.

“I love you too (y/n)”

--end of part 17--

permtaglist

@queer-cosette​

@sephiralorange​

@lunanight2012​

@daughter-of-the-stars11​

@musicarose​

@random-thoughts-003​

@rintheemolion​

@amorathegamingkitsune​

[uaklauslovesdave]

Hi, thank you for sending me asks, I really appreciate it! :D Could you do 002 for klave, I always want to hear your thoughts about them <3

my buddy, my dude, it’s been roughly 17 years since you sent this ask, and i’m oh so sorry for taking this long to answer. it got to be one of those situations where i wanted to do it Properly, which of course brought the anxiety, which of course then brought the avoidance. But we’re here now! it’s a new era and i have a whole bunch of klave thoughts to dump on my unsuspecting followers. let us begin.

when i started shipping it:

Pretty much immediately! I remember first watching s1 and getting that slow confirmation that Klaus time traveled to the Vietnam War. We saw him on the bus with his fatigues and bloody hands and I was like ‘oh god oh no he went to Vietnam didn’t he.’ And then later we have Klaus experiencing flashbacks in the bathtub and there are echoes of the noises of war but also a strong and clear “Dave!” And in that moment my interest was piqued. Dave, he said? Who is this Dave? Is this someone he loved? Did he have a war-time romance with another soldier? And I was hopeful but I also didn’t want to get too ahead of myself because of Queer Baiting in Media reasons (like, I was in the marvel fandom, ok? I went through the whole stucky dance routine). But then, but then! We got more. We got roughly five minutes (or less?) of scenes of Klaus dropping down in front of a disoriented soldier, of this soldier introducing himself as Dave on a bus, of Klaus and Dave dancing in a bar, of Klaus and Dave sharing a kiss in a quiet corner, of Dave bleeding out and dying in the middle of combat as Klaus sobs above him. And it was quick and it was short but it was meaningful and it was tender and immediately I knew that I was gone for them. There was no turning back at this point. I was all in on the Klave Train.

my thoughts:

My thoughts? Where do I even start? I have many! Some are incoherent! Some are devastating! Some are sickeningly sweet! Some are raunchy! Stay tuned to find out!

what makes me happy about them/what makes me sad about them:

So I decided to combine these two questions because, well, I Do Not Know how to untie the happy and the sad when it comes to klave. I tried and I cannot do it. They’re two sides of the same coin with these two. Because their entire relationship is tinted by tragedy, you know? They only met each other because Klaus was tortured and then flung into a notoriously traumatizing war in the 1960s. And who knows what number tour Dave was on. Had he been there for just 2 months or was this second or third time around? I’m not sure which option is more painful, really. And it’s unclear, did Dave genuinely want to serve in the military? Did he truly subscribe to those values instilled by his family? I’d lean towards no, based on the conversation Klaus tries to have with the Younger Dave in the diner. But I think it took Dave some time to get there, as he grew older and came to better understand and accept himself and perhaps grew more and more disillusioned with the life he was pushed into. And then there’s Klaus, whose own experiences somewhat parallel Dave’s (they just happened on a different timeline). Klaus, who grew up under Reginald’s reign of terror, who was taught to be a soldier just like Dave was. But his own disillusionment was expedited and he was able to rebel and remove himself from that scene more easily than Dave could (but at the expense of losing shelter and security and stability). And we have some insights into what it was like for Klaus to grow up in that environment, constantly surrounded by death. When we first meet him he is a person who clearly does not do genuine attachment or sincerity, because that is far too vulnerable and far too dangerous in his experience. He looks out for himself and he does what he needs to do to get by, and he approaches things from a casual, crass (safe) distance. And then there’s Dave, who we learn a little bit about from his interactions with Klaus in 1963 Dallas. He appears earnest and kind, just a Really Good Kid. He seems somewhat confused by Klaus, but also intrigued. Pretty much every time we see Klaus interact with someone in the 1960’s who is not a member of Destiny’s Children they approach him with disdain (referring to him as “pretty boy,” kicking him out of the diner, etc.). But not Dave. Not until he is pressured into it by Uncle Homophobe. And after that Dave seeks him out and apologizes, says that’s not him. And he and Klaus talk, and we see that they really knew each other, they really had a relationship, but by the end of the conversation Dave has been pushed too far. He’s not quite ready to rebel yet, he’s not quite able to make that leap into living as his true self. Just like Klaus, Dave grew up trapped and restricted and surrounded by ghosts. Not literal ones, no, but the ghosts of dead war heroes who came before him, the ghosts of the Ideal Man and Good Son that he thought he had to be, that he thought he had to prove he could become. And it’s not quite clear how and when Dave finally got to that point where he could rebel, where he could finally push past the fear, knock down the walls of the box he had been shoved into. But by the time he and Klaus crossed paths in 1968 Vietnam he was ready. And Klaus was ready. And they brought that genuine, true, real love out in each other. Something both of them probably thought was never possible. Something both of them probably thought was just a myth. Just turning themselves inside out and sharing that with each other. Trusting the other to take care of it and hold and keep it safe. All in the middle of a deadly war. It’s beautiful and it’s painful and it’s why I love them.

things done in fanfic that annoy me:

Nothing really specific comes to mind. Generally if there’s something I don’t like in a fanfic I’ll stop reading and move on. There is, of course, the Fanon Klaus Problem that makes its way into klave fics, so I suppose that annoys me. Or stories where Dave is one-dimensional and seems to exist just to comfort and take care of Klaus. But really, I don’t wanna hate on anyone who writes fanfic in a particular way. You do you. If it appeals to me I’ll read it and if it doesn’t I’ll just pass it by. No big deal.

things i look for in fanfic:

It absolutely depends on the day and what I’m in the mood for in that particular moment. I’m a sucker for angst so I absolutely do not mind reading something terribly sad and tragic. I like hurt/comfort with an emphasis on the hurt. I’m a fan of the GhostDave Watches Over Klaus Through the Years genre. I like stories that explore their time together in Vietnam. I’m into AU’s that include AliveDave traveling back to 2019 with Klaus and they hang out in Klaus’ room in the academy and Dave meets the siblings and Diego gives him a shovel talk. Sometimes I just want that sweet, sweet smut. Mostly I look for something that is both lovely and sad, which is not hard to find because that is, essentially, their relationship. There’s lots of good stuff out there. All y’all writers are talented. I salute you.

my kinks:

Alright, I’m just gonna preface this by saying that I will try my best to be unapologetically open about this, but at my core I am both shy and repressed. My easy and safe answer to this is that my kink for klave is love, happiness, and tender intimacy. That’s what I really want for them. But also. But also! Let them be smutty! Let them find places to sneak away and fuck, Dave’s hand over Klaus’ mouth to stop him from making noise that will alert the other soldiers to their activities. Or maybe they’re sitting under a tarp in the pouring rain and Klaus sees how far he can take it, and Dave doesn’t back down, and it ends up with Klaus blowing Dave while some other guys are sitting just feet away, oblivious to what’s going on between Katz and Hargreeves just over there. And then there’s that time they get to take leave together, and they’re able to get a hotel room, just to themselves, with real walls and a door that locks and a bed and everything. And the digs aren’t great but it feels like a palace compared to what they’re used to, and they absolutely do not waste this opportunity. Dave fucks Klaus into the mattress, and Klaus gets to learn what it’s like to have someone take control because you actually want them to and you feel safe with them, and Dave gets to learn what it’s like to have someone trust you implicitly and be willing to be vulnerable with you. And it’s not perfect, of course, sometimes their histories and understandings of sex and intimacy bump heads, but they love each other, they really do, and they work through it. And they both cry during sex at some point. For Dave it’s the first time he’s done so, for Klaus it’s not (but this is nothing like those other times this is because he wants to be here this is because he’s overwhelmed with love this is a release this is being seen this is being cared for).

who i’d be comfortable with them ending up with if not each other:

Let me be real and say that I really, really, really want them to end up with each other, and I think that this is where the show is headed. But, if that is not the case, as long as they are happy I will be happy. Perhaps that is cliche, but oh well. Just let them experience love and support, whether that’s with each other, someone else, or just on their own.

my happily ever after for them:

I don’t know how and I don’t know when (like seriously, when in the timeline is a big question), but I want them to find a way to be together. Maybe it involves some time-traveling, maybe it involves some timeline-hopping, maybe it involves some Commission interference, maybe one or both of them will be dead, maybe (most likely) it involves something that has not even crossed my mind as a possibility. But, like I said, I think that somehow there WILL be a (perhaps nontraditional) happily ever after for them. It might take some time to get there and I don’t think it’s gonna be a smooth road, but I do think that’s the ultimate destination. And I’m looking forward to the whole process.

who is the big spoon/little spoon:

Good question! My first instinct was Klaus as little spoon. Because he is Klaus but also because of the Bar Kiss scene where Dave tenderly cradles his face and those Very Important blurry behind the scenes instagram photos of Klaus resting his head on Dave. But I also think it would be really nice for Dave to be the little spoon? Because Klaus gets to hold him and act as a Protector and maybe he can feel Dave’s heartbeat beneath his (hello) hand and he gets to wrap around him and hold on tight and he can let go when he wants to but he doesn’t want to, he wants to stay right here as long as Dave will have him. And Dave will have Klaus wrapped around him, holding on, as long as Klaus wants to stay. Dave gets to be held and cocooned in the arms of this beautiful person he loves. Dave doesn’t have to be strong right now, he doesn’t have to put on the face of the Good Soldier. All he has to do is fall into the space between them.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity:

I’m gonna say that they had a lot of time to sit together and talk while they were in Vietnam. Sure, they had their duties and sometimes they were in the shit but there was also a lot of down time, just sitting around and waiting for something to happen. And so they’d sit and they’d smoke and they would talk. About their interests, about where they come from, and eventually about the life they would build together after they got out of there. But here’s a specific image that I have: they’re sitting close together, maybe it’s dark, there’s no one nearby. Cigarette smoke lingers in the air, mingles with the fine mist. The conversation has turned to music, somehow. Conversations have a tendency to meander when Klaus is involved, and Dave follows him step for step, never tripping, never questioning how they got there. And Klaus asks Dave about his favorite song, and Dave hesitantly mentions “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence,” like he’s embarrassed, but he’s loved it for years and he wants to be honest with Klaus. And Klaus hums and says he doesn’t know it, hasn’t heard of it, and he leans against Dave, lays his head against his chest. And Dave says, that’s ok, it doesn’t matter, it’s just a stupid old song anway. But Klaus says, no, you should sing it for me, I want to hear it, I want to know it. And Dave scoffs and laughs, but Klaus looks up at him, and then Dave looks away, and his mouth lifts into a smile, something small and fragile. He turns back to Klaus, looks him the eye, and softly, so softly, starts singing, “When Liberty Valence rode to town, the womenfolk would hide…” And Klaus drops his head and shifts closer to Dave and hears the words slip from Dave’s mouth and feels the words vibrate in Dave’s chest. He closes his eyes. There’s a war going on. It’s 1968 and he’s in Vietnam and his clothes are damp but he’s right where he wants to be. The song is not romantic, but it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard. He never forgets the words.

[manuecina]

Apart from MacCready, who are your top three companions? Are there any you have never played or whom you avoid?

thank for sending an ask!! this is tough but i’ll try my best, apologies if this is a long response!

Spoilers ahead, of course...

My Top Three Companions | FO4

(Minus Mister MacCready)

First up, Deacon all the way.

Deacon and MacCready are my favourite companions and they both hold the top spot as I can’t choose between them haha

Deacon is such an awesome character. I think I might’ve said it before, but his character is such a refreshing take on the comedic relief in media. His comedy comes from his wit and jovial attitude, and he is just general such a cool person to hang around. Deacon’s life attitude is something I relate fondly to my own in many aspects, which is why I’m particularly connected to him. His backstory is well thought out and realistic, and one which I can empathise with from my own. All round, he makes me happy to hang out with and I care about him deeply and feel a common connection with him ...It’s this kind of connection I can’t properly being to describe honestly; thinking about Deacon makes me big happy, I truly just love the sunglasses boy. :)

Secondly!! Nicky Valentine

My lovely robo dad!!! Oh my god, Nick’s character is just amazing! I love his whole story; I feel the concept of a robot/android finding his place in a world that hates him is one of the few good cliches/stereotypes in media when done right, and the aspect of his memories being not entirely his own, and struggling with defining and identifying with his individual self and personality is so gripping. He is a kind, lawful good man in an unforgiving, evil landscape and a shiny beacon of hope for the sole survivor. I don’t travel with him as much as I should but I cherish the company and the support he offers.

Last but not least, Paladin Danse!

In some regards, I have had a topsy turvy opinion of Danse over time. He was my first companion I romanced, and I had heart eyes for him for a while before doing a full one-eighty and seemingly despising him and the brotherhood for a long time. However, I’ve learnt to see the best in him again! I think Danse is still a slightly misunderstood character. The idea of him being brought up into these ideals, and then learning he has been everything he hates for such a long time, coming to grips with his new identity, and the old one, which is his everything, who he is, being programmed to feel that way, is terrifying. His story shares similarities for Nick’s which I find is why I learnt to respect him again. He is one of a rare few characters who doesn’t immediately change his tune. It doesn’t make sense for his whole worldview that has been built into his whole being to disappear overnight, and I’m kind of glad he can still be a dick sometimes. Overall, I see him as a good friend and someone just trying to manage with the hand life dealt him.

Honourable mentions: 

Hancock: I’m literally in love with him and I never use him. I don’t know why. He’s slightly too nice of a guy. He’s hot, tho. He gets hot points.

X6-88: I think he’s cute and the learning to feel love is cool, but I never side with the Institute. He’s hot too.

Curie: Babie, means well, big brain science chick, would trust her to perform various surgeries. 10/10 also hot.

My Least Favourite Companion(s) | FO4

Now! onto characters, I don't like...

I’m so sorry. Please do not come for me. I simply do not vibe with them. I swear I’m a nice person. I swear. I know it’s technically 6 Companions. Have mercy.

Cait

I simply do not vibe! I had her as a companion for a short time ago, and as much as I claim to be a gunslinging badass, I’m too much of a softie for me and Cait to get along. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE her character. She is well thought out (well, maybe not the miracle cure part, but...), but we are two different of people for me to get along with her during a playthrough. Too much [Cait disliked that.] will break a person.

Maxson

He’s not even a real companion! He hates synths! Why does everyone want to fuck him?! This man would probably shiv me for being queer and having an accent, and if I read one more “Maxson rail me!!” post on my feed I will combust. Y’all disgust me.

DiMa

Chicken feet motherboard tesla coil looking headas-

Companions who just annoy me, I’m sorry:

Strong

Piper

Preston

[remus-lupin-is-my-type]

Where have I been? (a post for anyone who might still care lol)

Anyone who knows me knows I’ve taken a looooong hiatus from cosplay, but I’ve also taken a general hiatus from this blog as well. I wanted to take the time to explain some of the reasons why. Explanation below the cut.

1. Toxicity

I’ve had this blog for many, many years. It’s always been My Thing to follow back everyone. But in doing so, I’ve accidentally created a pretty decently toxic environment for myself on my own dash? It seems that wherever I scroll, there are people arguing, constant reminders of how terrible the world and society are, and people shaming other people for things they like. My once-fun dashboard of fandom and all things queer, has just become not quite fun anymore? Social justice issues are really important to me, deeply important, but constant reminders about how terrible the world is can really bring me down (particularly in these already troubling times). I know that running from it is a particularly privileged thing to be able to do (I may be pan, but I’m still white and cis), but sometimes I just gotta put myself and my own mental health first. One day I’m hoping to try to take back control of my blog and do some much needed purging, but it’s going to be a monumental task after so many years. But I really do miss reblogging fandom things. I’ve made a completely separate blog for all things Aesthetic that do nothing but make me happy—essentially creating my own little safe space. It’s been a great non-pressure, anonymous way to just de-stress, but I do miss mucking around in fandom nonsense. BUT this also brings me to another reason...

2. Supernatural and The Destiel Debacle

*spoilers ahead for the final season of SPN* That final scene with Cas absolutely destroyed me. I’m a few seasons behind, but when I woke up one morning and Destiel was trending everywhere, of course I looked up and watched the video. And guys. I SOBBED. Not just a few tears, full on WEPT for at least an hour. I was so heartbroken, not just because a beloved character died, but of how he died. The fact that Cas told Dean everything I’ve always wanted him to, but in the WORST WAY POSSIBLE, only for him to promptly die without Dean even saying anything. I just couldn’t deal. I was Properly Depressed for several days after that, and I still sometimes think about it and get really sad. I could have forgiven this, had they put Cas in the finale, gave you hope that maybe he and Dean could be something in Heaven, together, but no. Of course not. The whole thing genuinely put such a bad taste in my mouth for all fandom and network television in general. Also, it hurt me to see people actually calling this a WIN. I’m not here to take away anything from anyone—if you loved it, that’s great and I’m happy for you. But GUYS. It was CRUMBS. Is it great that Cas is a confirmed queer character? Sure, but they killed him the second his confession was over. Rowan Ellis did a great YouTube video about the whole thing, and I highly suggest you watch it, it really put things in perspective for me. The fact is, they had TWELVE YEARS to give you this, and they didn’t. It’s like Marvel expecting us to be singing their praises cuz a Russo brother mentioned a boyfriend, a few minutes out of their ENTIRE MOVIE FRANCHISE. Anyway, I was so disheartened I didn’t want to participate in fandom whatsoever. (Luckily, I’ve recently fallen in love with Black Sails—also thanks to Rowan Ellis—and its amazing writing, characters, story, and queer representation helped give me hope again).

3. Self-image 

This more directly relates to cosplay. I gained weight again, and my motivation to cosplay dropped significantly. Suddenly there just didn’t seem a point to getting into all the makeup and putting in the effort if I wasn’t going to like what I saw on the webcam. Luckily, I’ve recently read a FANTASTIC book called “What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat” by Aubrey Gordon, and it was honestly life-changing. It forced me to completely reframe how I think about myself and society, and I’ve actively been making an effort to feel better and unashamed in my own skin, and it’s been going well! I’ve stopped planning my entire life and happiness and worth around whatever number I wanted the scales to reflect. But, that being said, cosplay is still a struggle for me. Though I’m generally more accepting of myself now, I still find it difficult to play my favourite characters, almost all of which are attractive males. I’m admittedly hard on myself about it, my subconscious constantly telling me that I’m not androgynous enough or sexy enough to play these characters. Of course you don’t have to be these things to cosplay, I’m a huge advocate that ANYONE can cosplay WHOEVER they want, but this is what I, personally, am going through. One step at a time, as they say!

And that’s about it. I’m not sure when I’ll be back, and I make no promises. But maybe I’ll pop in to post a gay gifset or two sometime :) I’ve also been pondering TikTok a lot, so who knows, maybe that’ll be a thing in the future. This explanation was as much for my benefit as to those reading—it feels good to get this stuff off my chest and I hope you understand. Love you all so, so much and I hope you’re all getting nothing but the best out of this hell site lol ❤️

Stay safe and stay happy, Nicki xo

[wisteria-lodge]

10 Favorite Characters

Okay @missbrunettebarbie, I’ll bite. 

1. Sherlock Holmes (Arthur Conan Doyle) Those books always feel like a loving portrait of a real person. What to say? You’ve been a neurodivergent icon for the last 100+ years. Personally I think you’re ace. Started up my interest in all things Victorian. I’ve met a lot of real good people because of you. All my love always. (my first Holmes & Watson will always be the 1950s Sir John Gielgud / Sir Ralph Richardson radio show. Couldn’t recommend it more. It’s got Orson Welles as Moriarty)

2. Myrddin “Merlin” Emrys (Mary Stewart) Mary Stewart’s Merlin Trilogy gets no love. because it has never EVER had a good cover. 

You’d never know it, but this is one of the most beautiful, haunting, heartbreaking things I’ve ever read. It ruined me for any other King Arthur retelling. It is the reason I studied Post-Roman Britain. And Merlin himself is the first introvert hero I ever came across. His brand of quiet strength was the first that ever seemed accessible. And magic is treated as analogous with artistic inspiration, and it’s so subtle that sometimes he doesn’t even know if he’s using it or not, ah it’s good. This is one I re-read every year or two. 

3. Esmeralda (Disney’s Hunchback of Notre Dame) My lady, who taught me about questioning authority, who can be a sexy pole dancer type and a spiritual earth mother and a white-hot revolutionary turning the mood of a crowd by not standing for cruelty. She’s wise enough to fall for the guy who thinks she’s funny and a pretty cool chick, and not the one who sees her as an angel.  She’ll always be aspirational, but I wear headscarves a lot, and think of her. 

4. Hermione Granger (JK Rowling) My prickly, difficult girl. So brilliant. So insecure. You were there for me when I was studying too much, had no interest in being pretty, and was a little too stick-in-the-mud. You just had to realize that you were cool, and you *had* been cool, the whole time. At which point you basically leveled up into Batman. And the movies did you dirty. Sorry about that. 

5. Captain Jack Sparrow (Curse of the Black Pearl) This guy taught me about freedom, and happy nihilism, and how sometimes you’ve got to let go. Be suspicious of rules. He never wanted that much, really, and I respect that. Also got to give a nod to the ahead-of-the-curve gender nonconforming, and that fun way he’s got of mixing crazy SAT words with slang. “Bring me that horizon” is darn good motto. Also, can directly trace all my interest in sexy age of sail stuff back to him.

6. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte) Hands down one of the most complex, fleshed out characters I’ve ever come across, star of the first romance novel I ever read where I was like... yeah. I *get it.* This is the lady who just point blank, flat out refuses to think of herself as a victim ever. (and in retrospect, that did get you in a little bit of trouble. Let people help you, Jane.) Reading this book, it felt essential to my happiness that things turned out well for Jane Eyre. If she couldn’t figure it out, there sure as hell wasn’t hope for me.

7. V (V for Vendetta, film) While this movie absolutely got me reading everything Alan Moore ever wrote, I’ve got to give a shout-out to the Wachowskis, who are charming cloud-people and I love everything they do. This is the movie that blew my mind when I was 15. I possibly was not supposed to find V as sexy as I did. But I was highly influenced by his decorating style, and memorized his cool v alliteration speech and started making eggs the same way he did. Also I read The Count of Monte Cristo because he was into it. And I’m so glad I got into Alexandre Dumas. 

8. Elim Garak (Deep Space Nine) Still trying to figure out what what is is about this one  hit me between the eyes. Guess I love me a complex assassin/spy who refuses categorization, and who I can just talk about for hours. Not going to overlook all the wonderful queer aspects to his character either. Anyway, this one sent me on a kick researching interrogators and secret policemen, because when I love things I just want to write essays about them, dammit. (Also I read actor Andrew Robinson’s in-character memoir A Stitch in Time. Adorable.) 

9. Commissar Ciaphas Cain (Warhammer 40K) I know Sandy Mitchell’s Ciaphas Cain novels are parody entries in an already silly franchise. I love them. They’re hilarious, they’re clever, I love the meta conceit that they’ve been corrected, organized, and redacted by an in-universe Inquisition agent who is a character in the novels. And I like Cain’s energy. I like how he survives this bleak universe by carving out a happy little pocket for himself. I like his management style. I like that he’s got his insane imposter syndrome, but just kind of shrugs and goes with it. They’re happy little novels that feel like nice big exhales. It’s good energy to lean on.

10. Iago (William Shakespeare) I wanted to put in at least one one villain, because a good character is one who is complex - and galvanizes me into some kind of project/intense internal recalibration. And dear god if a good Iago doesn’t stare into your soul. Othello is my favorite Shakespeare play, and here’s this villain who is not cool, not redeemable, who is just every weakness of humanity put in front of you in a way that is way too easy to understand. He’s petty. He’s insecure. Othello was his life, and now Othello is gone, and he’s been passed over for promotion in favor of the younger, prettier, posher, more educated option. I put in some aspirational characters, so I’ll just leave this one here as a warning for myself. 

HONORABLE MENTION - I did not mention either my favorite television show, Supernatural OR my favorite film, Lawrence of Arabia. They both have such complex, such tight ecosystems of characters that pulling out just *one* to talk about didn’t seem even a little bit doable. 

I’m tagging @awinterrain @nocakesformissedith @ameliahcrowley @fromthemouthofkings @headless-horsepossum  @the-phoenix-heart @persefoneshalott  @hedonistbyheart @niche-pastiche @shadowsonasphalt​