#me making the most beautiful hua cheng I can think of like hold up. I need to COOK cook.

[fauvester]

tfw your high school crush/obsession whose dropped off the face of the earth for a decade just COMES INTO YOUR WORKPLACE.. WHERE YOU WORK…

[themiracleofteddybearmanifestos]

Spoilers for Heaven Official's Blessing/TGCF

I've finished reading TGCF in record time (for me) and now idk what to do cause it was my hyperfixation and now that I'm done I'm depressed.

Anyways all that aside, since it's literally permeated my brain to the point it's rotting, any song I hear makes me think of it and here are my top few recent ones that I really love

Without further adieu, Songs That Remind Me of Heaven Official's Blessing:

1) Everything In You - HalfShy, Adventure Time. Lyrics:

You and me We got something to lose Boy, you got your dreams I got everything in you And I'll be there through all the reveries 'Cause I believe in you more than I ever believed in me Ooh, and I love you, love you, love you No, it's not so hard to tell And I love you, love you, love you Is it obvious to everyone else?

And maybe this is killing part of me But it ain't called love without a little tragedy

Explanation: Pretty straightforward, it's Hua Cheng's perspective. He's dedicated to the max. Though the intention here differs from the original context of the song in AT, it still applies. The tragedy here is not stemming from their relationship, but damn these two are poster children for tragic back stories.

2) J's Lullaby - Delaney Bailey. Lyrics:

Darlin', I'd wait for you Even if you didn't ask me to Tie a lasso around the moon And bring it on down to you I'd bottle the feelin' you give me And shelve that stuff for years to come 'Cause, baby, when your arms are around me I'd swear that I'm holding the sun I'd give you the sun if you asked me You could have all of the time You could have the stars and the trees When dividin' up the universe You could have mine You could have mine Darlin', I wish that you Could give me some more time To herd the whole sky in my arms And release it when you're mine

Explanation: again, very applicable to Hua Cheng's perspective. This song is one of the most intensely dedicated and heartfelt love songs and Hua Cheng is maybe the most loyal person to ever exist (800 years and not a single negative thought about Xie Lian, never a doubt in his mind of how much he loves him or if he should give up). Seriously, this song fits SO well I feel like to explain it would be redundant.

3) Little Life, Cordelia

Explanation: So, this one for me made me think of Xie Lian and the domestic little life he has with Hua Cheng and how much that means to him. This one isn't just lyrical, it's the whole sound and feeling of the song which is why I included it instead of writing the lyrics.

4) Slipping Through My Fingers - ABBA/Meryl Streep (both versions are good). Lyrics:

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness And I have to sit down for a while The feeling that I'm losing her forever And without really entering her world I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter That funny little girl Slipping through my fingers all the time I try to capture every minute The feeling in it Slipping through my fingers all the time Do I really see what's in her mind Each time I think I'm close to knowing She keeps on growing Slipping through my fingers all the time

Explanation: This one's a lot different as this actually made me think of Xie Lian's mom. Seeing her son grow into a god and witnessing the distance grow between them. She was fully supportive and had so much love for her son, but he grew further and further away from her. This one gets me real sad, even if his mom wasn't super present in the story it's still heartbreaking.

And yeah, basically every song will remind me of the series ATM bc it's literally all that's on my mind but these 4 especially did and made me want to edit videos but I don't have that kinda time or energy or talent lmao. But the series is just.... Ughhhh it's such a beautiful story, even with any questionable moments/details, it's genuinely such a fantastically written series and GOD the love between Xie Lian and Hua Cheng is painfully beautiful. I don't love codependency but idec with these two they're both so supportive of each other and both fully want to be together at all times and you know what I also want them to be together at all times, they deserve it. I knew there was a lot of trauma since I first watched the show in 2021 and have been a fan, but actually reading all the books and learning everything is gut wrenching and heartbreaking and yet so beautiful and satisfying.

[abigail-nicole]

tgcf liveread part 8

that time I live-tweeted my reading of tgcf, from the roof of my porch, in the spring of 2020 early pandemic, with the flowers blooming. trasnferred from twitter bc reading this book is a joy, please buy it so Hua Cheng can afford to have Xie Lian never cook again:

originally tweeted 3/31/2020:

"chop off your bitch head" as an insult

the love i have for e-ming cannot be overstated

hold on this is now..........:too much of an oral sex joke with Pei as the third party

Pei Ming, the most unexpected Hualian wingman: LET ME GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE ON GETTING IT ON, AS THE MOST EXPERIENCED ONE HERE

Oh No Pei Ming IS growing on me this friendship is Nice

Wingman Pei Ming just push for some hualian action here!!!!

I love little reminders that Hua Cheng already beat this level & won the video game of Mount Tong’lu

:) :) get scorpion snake bit :) :)

every time butterflies appear I do a small gasp

Interesting how many heavenly officials all ran to be on Mount Tong’lu’s Next Top Ghost King

SMISE HARDER

AH H HH I YELLED

this is MAGICAL GIRL ULTIMATE TRANSFORMATION SEQUENCE bc hua cheng’s boyfriend is rubbing off on him??? No actually all xie lian’s Dramatic Moments are probably hua cheng’s influence

ahhhhh my tiny heart what a beautiful reunion scene!! So Anime!! With hair and flower petals blowing in the wind!!!!!

I think i need to stop on the anime hualian reunion and shower and go to bed but NEXT TIME, ON CHAPTER 156

4/1/2020:

((a little chapter before work, as a treat)) (bc i dreamt of hua cheng finding xie lian living peacefully above a mexican restaurant after being missing for a century)

Mad Because Boyfriend Suffered Pain, a delicious flavor of ghost king,

are they married now?? Is this like handfasting in an ice cave full of bunnies with grandma officiant level marriage

It feels slightly more practical than that scene did

Xie Lian in the Buried but his anchor is Also in the Buried

“to die together probably feels like this”

Xie Lian: *soft smitten smile*

SOFTER MORE SMITTEN SMILE OMG

ahhhh, another pair of fighting brothers, what an unusual sight for an mxtx novel

oh now we get quan yizhen/yin yu huh

this makes my heart hurt a little

lovers in the dirt. smol babes

my coworker:

Me: and it’s a MILLION YEARS LONG and they’re ENGAGED and only ONE OF THEM KNOWS IT

my coworker: what? how?

Me: and he’s just WEARING A DIAMOND RING AROUND like an IDIOT, and they’ve been MAKING OUT for PLOT REASONS

her: is this like a kdrama book

Hua Cheng: could whoever’s fainting from exhaustion DO SO MORE QUIETLY, MY BOYFRIEND IS TRYING TO SLEEP

Xie Lian:.....do....do you have to cut it off *sad emojis*

dumb baby like he would ever think of cutting a red string between them

I think this subplot of the Kiln & Mount Tonglu is very cool? Later remind me to count up subplots & think how many episodes would be for each subplot...

hahaha WHO ON EARTH COULD IT BE THAT XIE LIAN TRUSTS SO MUCH, HMMMM also him petting the butterflies is adorable

the way hua cheng’s accessories visibly get bigger/more energetic when xie lian praises them is very cute

WAIT HOW WAS RUOYE FORMED???? WHATEVER IT TOOK IT WAS WORTH IT

(future narrator voice: She Said, Stupidly,)

okay an aside: silver butterflies as security cameras that let us maintain limited 3rd person POV and yet know all the Heavenly Official Mt TongLu Next Top Ghost King drama is pretty good

Hahahahaha everyone eating popcorn while they watch Xuan Ji attack Pei Ming via silver butterfly Hua Cheng vision is just the right level of lightheartedness

THE RAIN MASTER IS A QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!! LITERALLY!! I Love Her Already

Ah, to lie in a hammock in a volcano with your ghost king boyfriend and ... point out misogyny

FOUR TALES. FOUR FOR FOUR

also wtf has dianxia been doing for 800 years that he doesn’t know _any_ of this

With the Nie sect movie treatment....imagine all four of these heroes getting their own movie. Or rather all three besides our dianxia

Personally I’m Team THE PRINCESS WHO SLIT HER OWN THROAT. Look at her magical animal:

sorry not sorry General Pei Toxic Masculinity Ming

the manhua ART for these four tales:

Hahaha this narrative treats Pei Ming APPROPRIATELY

okay next time on tgcf liveread part 9 ........

[beesinspades]

bee’s ace xie lian fics~

No matter the fic, I always write Xie Lian as ace and think of Hua Cheng as demi. Though not that much talked about, after a year of being in this fandom, I can safely say that it turns out ace(spec) Xie Lian is actually a pretty popular headcanon, which brings me immense joy!!

I used to be scared of making that kind of post, but seeing how much the rep in these fics means to many fellow aces, I thought I’d do a short masterpost for anyone else who might be interested!

I don’t tag the ones in which there's no mention of the headcanon, but I do tag even those where it’s briefly mentioned or just implied. I kept those out of the list, but you can easily find them on my AO3 account by setting the Additional Tags filter on Asexual Character. I only included those that have either a big focus on it, or those that have at least dialogue or some narration about it.

I will also link in the replies a Twitter thread with fics by other authors!

just this | rated T, 2.8k

“Xie Lian smiles, bright and heartfelt, and oh, here’s that feeling again. I get to have this. Wake up to this. This beautiful thing from my wildest dreams; my most beloved, shining his heavenly light on me.”

or, the first of many moments of intimacy in Paradise Manor.    

This one it remains very dear to my heart! It has a big focus since it was my first attempt at exploring this headcanon.

the sunlit altar | rated E, 4.6k

““Since you’ve mentioned it. . . I’ve been thinking,” Xie Lian says softly. He returns to Hua Cheng to grasp his hand, looking resolute. His cheeks are dusted pink, tainted both with embarrassment and the vulnerability of complete trust. “I'd like to try it.””

or, Hua Cheng and Xie Lian's first time on Taicang Mountain.   

This is the direct sequel to the first fic but, like all the other fics in the “in your arms (i am loved)” series, it can totally be read as a standalone (it’s even the fourth fic I wrote because writing in chronological order? what’s that)

all yours (all mine)  | rated E, 4.8k

Hua Cheng’s eye is dark; hungry as he looks at Xie Lian splayed bare for him, yet a tender adoration too great for words flows alongside it. Xie Lian tries for a moment to understand it, before deciding it doesn’t matter. Whether he does understand it or not, the result tonight will remain the same; they’ll have fun, and it'll make Heaven pale in comparison.

to have and to hold | rated T, 3.9k

“In a flash, Hua Cheng is undressed. Xie Lian’s eyes flick away from the scroll for a brief moment before returning to it, utterly unfazed.

Hua Cheng sits on the bed, poking at Xie Lian’s hand.

Getting no reaction, he takes it, kisses it, then pecks his way along Xie Lian’s arm and, upon reaching his shoulder, adds a bit of teeth. Xie Lian’s eyes remain resolutely set on his scroll, brows furrowing at a line of characters, relaxing at the next.”

or, leisure time at Taicang Mountain cottage doesn't quite go as Hua Cheng had hoped.

in you, i find myself | rated T, 1.7k

“Through the burning flush of his cheeks, Xie Lian thinks for a moment, interrupting his braiding to place a second bead. “So, towards everyone else. . . you’re like me, in some way?””

Big focus on asexuality in this one as it was written for International Asexuality Day! Also, demi Hua Cheng!

rhododendrons | rated M, 2.5k

“Gege, did you know bodies can grow flowers?”

or, Hua Cheng paints Xie Lian a body of flowers.

This is the sequel of another fic in which it’s only mentioned in passing, but reading it isn’t required to understand the sequel! This one also has demi Hua Cheng.

steady love (in a place we know) | rated T, 10.9k

Living and working out of his old van, Xie Lian has always travelled alone. When his best friend suggests they go on a trip together, he enthusiastically agrees—unaware that he's not only about to take Hua Cheng on an unexpected journey, but his own heart as well.

no ice left to break | rated T, 2.6k

““What are you thinking about?” Hua Cheng wondered, reaching out to wipe ice-cream off the corner of Xie Lian’s mouth.

He did it like he does everything else; gently, almost tenderly. As naturally as tugging on Xie Lian’s hand when he wants something, or blowing on a spoonful of broth so Xie Lian doesn’t burn his tongue before offering it to him.

“We should go on a date,” Xie Lian blurted.”

always like this, with you | rated G, 1.4k

Xie Lian sets down his halfway done sweater on his lap, and taps his chin thoughtfully. “So. . . from what you told me back then, you'd be demisexual. . . and I'd be greysexual?”

Obviously very ace focused since this was written for Ace Danmei Week! I wanted to do something different and wrote greyace Xie Lian for this one.

of simple, wondrous things | rated E,  21.1k

In a college that strongly prohibits sex on campus grounds, Xie Lian goes about his studies as a confused spectator of the struggles many students claim to be going through. But when his roommates enter a relationship and sneak out at night to escape the rules, Xie Lian's curiosity on the matter gets the best of him; expecting to be rejected, he contacts Hua Cheng, a sex worker who only accepts new clients by recommendation.

Yet, to Xie Lian's surprise, Hua Cheng doesn't refuse him.

A lot about being ace in there but this time in full story form rather than a short fic! Also has demi Hua Cheng. (as a note, this is not a college au despite what the summary might make you think)

That’s all! For now >:) I hope these fics can bring you as much joy as writing them brought me! <3

[stufftippywrote]

infinities within infinities

"Don't get me wrong," Xie Lian says, "I'm really grateful for the donation, but I don't think it's right to name the library after me."

But the man in the three-piece suit seems insistent. "You're a groundbreaking force in the world of philosophy," he says ardently. "I've read your Man, Thrice Ascended at least ten times. What you have to say about the concept of self as the infinite is revolutionary." He grins. The leather of the eyepatch over his right eye gleams in the sunlight. "The least you deserve is to have libraries named after you."

Xie Lian looks him over. This Hua Cheng is known as a reclusive billionaire, but there’s nothing withdrawn about him now, as he surveys Xie Lian with a bright eye. Instead, he’s almost preternaturally relaxed, hands in his pockets, smiling as bright as if he’d captured the sun. Despite the money and the insistent words, there’s nothing intimidating about him.. Xie Lian rather likes him.

“Well, thank you, I suppose, Mr. Hua,” he says carefully. He still isn’t sure about the Xie Philosophy Library concept. He looks up at the building and tries to imagine his name on the placard; it just seems preposterous. The dreams of a very young graduate student who thought he could change the whole nature of philosophy. Now, a fool’s wish. That it would be granted so suddenly, and by the young man in front of him who can’t be out of his twenties? Unimaginable.

“No need to thank me,” Hua Cheng says, shaking his head. “The very least I could do. Do you need a ride anywhere, Professor?”

**

Hua Cheng’s car might as well be a spaceship for how much it sticks out among the dumpy minivans and compact cars that surround it in the parking lot. Black, sleek, and gleaming, it truly seems to have beamed here from some point in a glittering future. Hua Cheng unlocks it with the touch of a button, and then, with another, the passenger side door swings open of its own volition. Xie Lian peeks inside. The interior is black as well, but for some touches that stand out in burning crimson.

“Go on, Professor.” Hua Cheng is leaning on his side of the car, casting a sideways glance at him. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Xie Lian obeys, ducking his head to get in. “You really needn’t call me Professor,” he says as Hua Cheng joins him on the driver’s side.

“What should I call you, then?” Hua Cheng’s smile is devastatingly brilliant, and Xie Lian is glad he’s sitting, because his knees have just gone to jelly. “I could call you gege, if it’s not too informal.”

He’s teasing -- at least, Xie Lian thinks he’s teasing -- but honestly the word comes out of his mouth more naturally than professor, and Xie Lian likes the sound of it better. “Gege is fine,” he says lightly.

“But in return,” Hua Cheng says, starting up the car, “you have to call me San Lang.”

“Why?” There’s something buzzing in Xie Lian’s brain now about the concept of naming, what we call ourselves versus what others call us, but he shunts it aside.

“Why do you think?” The car pulls out of its space, and a low rumble echoes in Xie Lian’s gut as it starts to navigate the parking lot. Hua Cheng is glancing at him between peeks in the rearview mirror. “You know what they say about us billionaires, we’re eccentric. Humor me.”

“Very well, San Lang,” Xie Lian replies, and he likes the sound of that, too.

It’s ten minutes of buzzing around the downtown streets before Xie Lian realizes he never gave a destination. “San Lang,” he says carefully, “where are we going?”

“Here and there,” Hua Cheng says. “I want to pick your brain about Man, Thrice Ascended.”

“Oh.” Xie Lian is flattered, and honestly the concept of riding around aimlessly in this sleek machine appeals to him. “Go right ahead, then.”

“To tell you the truth,” Hua Cheng says, “I have trouble wrapping my head around the concept of the self as infinite. Unless you believe in a higher power, the concept of self seems painfully finite to me, as it only exists between birth and death. Isn’t that a pretty limited span?”

“Only temporally,” Xie Lian replies. “Did you know that there are 22 million seconds in the average lifetime?”

“22 million is a lot, but it’s not infinity,” Hua Cheng counters.

“Ah, but a second isn’t instantaneous. Seconds take time. If you’ve ever tried to hold a plank for more than a minute, you know that well.” And he really does look like the type who could hold it. If not for two. “The unit of time I’d rather use is the moment.”

Hua Cheng glances at him. The car pulls onto the highway. “The moment?” he asks, gently spurring Xie Lian forward.

“Exactly,” Xie Lian says. “The moment is instantaneous. Maybe there are hundreds of millions of moments in the span of a single second of time. Maybe more than that. We can conceptualize, then, that each second of a lifetime contains within it infinite moments, and each lifetime 22 million infinities.”

“But a moment is hardly an appreciable measure of time,” Hua Cheng says. “How many moments can we experience as moments with our limited consciousness? The moments experienced are still finite to the mind of the human who tries to count them. Even if you count as fast as you can, you can’t count to 100 within the space of a single second, much less infinity.”

“You’re asking good questions,” Xie Lian comments.

Hua Cheng glows a little. “I told you, I’ve read the book a thousand times.”

“Well, if you did read the book, then you know that our concept of moments here is merely a framework.” They’re driving along the coast now, the bay blue and the sun starting its daily fizzle from yellow to red. “The infinities that truly populate the self are not of time, but of possibility.”

“Infinite choice in each moment.” Hua Cheng nods. “Explain it to me one more time, please, won’t you, gege?”

There’s a little plaintive moan in his voice - just a sliver of an entreaty - and it gives Xie Lian the goosebumps. Here is someone who’s truly appreciating his work, and he’s pleasant to look at and his voice is pleasant to the ear, and Xie Lian is reeling with how much good sensation is rolling into him with every second of this drive. It’s like the best of good dreams, and he doesn’t want to think of it ending.

“In any moment -- and I do mean moment, with our earlier definition,” he says, “I could lean to the left. I could lean to the right. I could blink. I could lean to the left but just a little bit harder. I could think of the color red. I could think of the color blue. I could speak. I could stay silent. I could open the door and throw myself out of this car, if I wanted.”

“Please don’t,” Hua Cheng interjects, sounding a little unnerved.

“It’s just a possibility,” Xie Lian reminds him. “There are, essentially, an infinite number of things I could do with each moment of my life. Each of them takes some time, but the process of choosing is instantaneous. So you have infinite possibilities in every single moment of infinite moments.”

“Not infinite possibilities," counters Hua Cheng. "What you decide to do in one moment, as you said, takes time. The time it takes to perform that action necessarily negates the infinite nature of the next moment. You can’t make certain decisions while performing other actions.”

“Your possibilities are still infinite in each moment,” Xie Lian argues. “Just because some actions can’t be taken doesn’t mean there aren’t still infinite possibilities open to you. Think of numbers. An infinite number of numbers end in the digit 4. It’s still an infinite set, even though numbers that end in the digit 5 aren’t included.”

Hua Cheng frowns. “Perhaps my limited mind isn’t fully able to capture it,” he says after a time. “You’re very impressive, gege.”

Heat blooms in Xie Lian’s cheeks. “Thus,” he says, “we have the three ascensions. When the mind is able to grasp the concept of infinity within limited time, it ascends once. The second ascension comes when one accepts that infinite actions can be performed within that limited time. And the third ascension…”

“...is when the mind grasps that the possibilities are infinite for each of an infinite number of moments,” Hua Cheng fills in. “Infinities within infinities, all within the self.”

They’ve pulled off to a scenic outlook point on the bay. Hua Cheng eases the car into one of three parking spots and turns off the engine. He turns to Xie Lian. “Gege always explains it so well,” he says brightly. “Thank you for indulging me.”

Xie Lian can feel the flush creeping into his cheeks. He looks away. “You’re welcome.”

Another beep, and the car’s doors are opening again. Hua Cheng gets up, rounds the car to Xie Lian’s side, and holds out his hand.

They stand for a time side by side, watching the reddening sun dip its toes into the rippling water of the bay. There’s a strange peace to standing here, Xie Lian thinks, with this person he barely knows but is so ardent about his work. I’m safe. I’m appreciated. The sureness of that is unexpected but so, so welcome. Xie Lian thinks back, trying to remember the last time he felt that way. He can’t recall.

“It’s beautiful,” he murmurs. Cars thunder past on the road behind them.

“This is one of my favorite spots,” Hua Cheng says. “I’m always taken by the vastness of the ocean here. It seems so full.” He gestures down to where the water buffets the base of the cliffs below them. “Like it’s a moment from overflowing.”

Xie Lian ponders this. “I’ve never thought of the ocean as full or not,” he says. “The implication being that no more water can be added; that it’s complete as is, existing within its bounds.”

“It’s a philosophical puzzle, isn’t it?” says Hua Cheng lightly. “Of course, climate change is solving it as we speak. Rising sea levels and all. It seems the ocean has the potential to be boundless, even as we denote lines between sea and shore.”

“And the question then becomes, how accurately can we draw those lines? And is it human folly to even attempt to do so?”

“Of course,” Hua Cheng says, “none of these problems has practical application.”

Xie Lian laughs. “Most of philosophy has no practical application. That’s why it’s philosophy.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Hua Cheng replies. “Your philosophy has had effects on my psychology, at the very least. To think of myself as infinite has changed the way I look at the world.”

“And how does it look?” Xie Lian inquires, tilting his head.

Hua Cheng gazes at him, then turns back to face the sea. “Boundless,” he says.

Xie Lian nods. The wind whips past them, whispering coldly against his cheeks and ears. He shudders.

Without a word, Hua Cheng removes his long coat and drapes it over Xie Lian’s shoulders. The coat is warm with his body heat, and all that heat seeps into Xie Lian in a rush. He draws in a breath. When Hua Cheng’s fingers touch his neck to adjust the collar, he wants to shiver again, this time not from the cold.

“Gege.” Hua Cheng’s honey-rich, low voice touches his ear like the strains of a cello. “Would you let me take you someplace nice?”

Xie Lian looks out at the darkening bay. He thinks of the view from his office window, the wall of an adjoining brick building. He could go back there, write and read until the early morning hours. Perhaps he would sleep on the cot he’s laid out in there. Staring at the mottled ceiling, contemplating eternity.

Or he could go with Hua Cheng, who is holding out his hand, looking hopeful.

Xie Lian takes it.

They drive for another 10 minutes along the coast, then take an exit into an area filled with green fields. Huge houses dot the landscape -- this is the domain of the super-rich, Xie Lian thinks, because these fields aren’t used for farming. They’re simply green as far as the eye can see, well-manicured, sometimes interrupted by copses of grand old trees with outstretched branches. Some of the houses are surrounded by lush flower gardens. It’s not an area Xie Lian’s ever been too, nor does it seem like the kind of place he would want to live. But it’s fascinating just to see it for the first time.

Hua Cheng pulls down a narrow road, then turns onto another. Xie Lian squints as he makes out something odd on the horizon. Whatever it is, it’s silver, and a cluster of buildings sit low and flat around it. When wide concrete paths start to interrupt the endless greenery, he realizes what he’s looking at.

“I thought,” he says gingerly, “when you said someplace nice, you meant a fancy restaurant.”

“We can go to a restaurant,” Hua Cheng answers airily. He pulls the car into the yard, and they park. Holding Xie Lian’s fingers loosely, he leads him along the paths toward the airfield. The private jet sits on the runway like a horse at the gate, already humming. A movable staircase leads up to the main entrance. A number of people are working around it. One of them sees the pair approaching and offers Hua Cheng a bow.

“How soon can we be ready?” Hua Cheng asks him.

“Twenty minutes,” the man says. “We’ve been prepping since we got your text.”

Xie Lian wonders when Hua Cheng had managed to text them. “This is your plane?” A silly question; Hua Cheng nods easily, as though everyone has a private airfield with a jet ready to go at any moment. “Where are you taking me?”

Hua Cheng meets his gaze with a smile. “Where would you like to go? Tokyo? Hong Kong? Thailand is stunning this time of year.”

“San Lang,” Xie Lian starts, his heart pounding. Hua Cheng smiles that much more widely at the sound of the name. “Isn’t this a little…”

“Much?” Hua Cheng finishes for him. “Not at all. Not for gege.” He lays a hand on the small of Xie Lian’s back -- Xie Lian gasps at the touch -- and ushers him forward until they are both standing at the bottom of that staircase, the airplane’s door a wide unblinking eye at the top. Hua Cheng bows and makes a gesture with his hand toward the staircase -- after you.

Xie Lian’s brain rockets into high gear. He has brought nothing with him but his briefcase, and even that is still in the car. No one knows where he is or where he’s going. He’s traveled a little in life -- nothing too far from home -- but this would be a trip like no other, totally unplanned and utterly irresponsible. Every ounce of common sense in his brain is urging him to shake his head politely and back away.

But this man. This fascinating man, who is offering him the world. For every voice inside Xie Lian that says no, there’s a current of pulsing blood in his veins whispering yes, yes.

“I’m not sure,” he begins, tentatively.

“Gege,” Hua Cheng murmurs, “You speak of self as containing an infinity of possibilities for every moment of life. But the paradox of infinity is that some infinities are larger than others. At this moment, you have more possibilities than ever before. Given those infinite possibilities, at this moment, what will you choose?”

He’s right. The possibilities facing him right now are truly endless. And hidden in Hua Cheng’s words, there is a challenge -- do you dare? And Xie Lian finds, to his surprise, that he does. He not only dares, he wants. To see this through, to learn more about this man, to take a crazy chance. His heart is pounding with the force of his desire. And once, just once in his studious, conservative life, he listens to it.

He smiles at Hua Cheng, lifts one hand to the railing of the staircase, and begins to ascend.

[hualianff]

More Than This VI 《V》

It’s no surprise XL gains his own taste of fame after walking the red carpet with one of the most sought-after actors in the country. He doesn’t mind it, going as far as to create a few social media accounts to interact with fans and scroll through their photos and edits of him. He has a few fan sites too, but only for fancy events where he chooses to be recognized in public.

XL and HC agreed before sharing their relationship with the public that they would maintain a strong sense of privacy when it came to their personal lives. They only share what they want to. The paparazzi who manage to take photos without permission are immediately disciplined so it doesn’t happen again.

(“I can’t believe you did it.”

“Hmm, Gege said he was okay with it.”

“I know! But I didn’t expect you to actually....” XL stares at a recent selfie of them HC had posted on his Twitter, taken the night HC won his award. “We look like we just had sex.”

“Nobody’s gonna know.”

XL raises an unimpressed eyebrow at his boyfriend. HC insists again.

“Nobody’s gonna know-”

“They’re gonna know,” XL says with a sigh, pointing to the hickey marks clearly visible on the photo. HC rolls over closer to XL in their bed, scrutinizing the image on XL’s phone.

“Oh, I didn’t see those when I posted the photo.”

“San Laaang!” XL cries, pushing at the taller man’s shoulder before burying his face into his pillow. HC makes XL breakfast in bed as an apology and promises to not drunk-post anything again.)

Eight months after officially dating–which is over two years since they met–HC asks XL to move in with him. XL doesn’t even need to think about his answer, a simple “Yes! Yes please!” escaping his lips. Both HC and XL’s faces light up with overjoyed smiles.

They seem to have had the same idea about where to live, purchasing a home they’ve been eyeing for months! The best aspects include a massive yard (front, side, and back) for XL to tend to, a hot tub, and a spacious living and dining room area to entertain guests. It’s not the grandest or most impressive residence by size or feature. In fact, the first months have them living in a half-finished, rusty house with the prettiest garden you’ve ever seen.

It gradually gets better. HC and XL knew they would have to do a lot of work to improve the shape of their home. Over the next year, they repair and remodel the house themselves, simultaneously adding value to the property and curating the style to fit their dream home. XL makes sure to post progress photos on his social media. His most recent selfie of HC and himself in hardware glasses got over 500k likes! He pinned HC’s comment that said, “Gege is my own very handyman!”

(HC, in a sleeveless tee, shorts that show off his ass, hair pulled back into a high bun: “Gege, you’re the boss now. Tell me what to do.”

XL, struggling not to gawk at HC’s side boobs: “O-okay, first, can you smash those cabinets-”

Cue them making out against the counter when it’s the only part of the kitchen that is fully done.)

***

Having a partner who considers the outdoors as a second home is a special experience. XL often takes HC on dates to national parks and plant nurseries. They go on weekend camping trips where XL teaches HC how to properly filter water, summit long stretches of terrain, and stay warm during cold nights with below-freezing temperatures.

(HC, trying to fit into XL’s sleeping bag: “Hi, gege-”

XL: “San Lang, you have your own sleeping bag that you can actually fit in.”

HC: ‘But I’m cold. Gege helps keep me warm.”

XL: “Fine. But let’s use yours because it’s bigger.”

HC, kissing XL’s forehead: “Thank you, my love.”)

On their hikes, XL points to different plants, explaining their origins and why he finds each one particularly beautiful. At first, HC picks up random flowers on the way home and then he asks XL about what flower fate gave him that day to gift his beloved. (“San Lang, that’s not allowed!”) HC eventually stores all the random facts in his mind, always eager to listen to XL talking about his passion. He also learns to keep his hands from digging up “poor, helpless plants from their home soil.”

However, this unfortunately doesn't prevent HC from accidentally squishing some plants in their yard that he thought were just weeds.

(HC, thinking he’s a good partner: “Get out, stupid weeds. CHOP CHOP!”

XL: “SAN LANG STOP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

HC: “Gege always works so hard. I just wanted to help you in the yard today because you deserve it.” 🥺

XL: *sigh* “I appreciate the gesture, San Lang. But those particular grasses took months to grow, and you just killed them-“)

***

Countless media outlets try to stir up trouble like they typically do with celebrities. Especially when HC has roles that involve romance, articles claiming HC and XL are on the brink of breaking up receive lots of attention. However, what gains more attention are the videos the couple posts on Youtube or Instagram live of their reactions to their “scandals.”

(XL, reading a headline: “Actor bachelor Hua Cheng and co-star Yushi Huang seem to be cozying up after a late-night shoot.’”

HC: “I’m not a bachelor, the fuck?”

XL, smiling: “You could be. Me as well. We can be bachelors together.”

HC, chuckling: “All right. If gege is, then so am I.”

The comments: “That doesn’t make any sense!?”

HC, reading another headline: “HC’s lover found with a mysterious third party??”

XL, exclaiming: “Oh, that’s Shi Qingxuan! You know, the designer for all our red carpet outfits!” 🥰🥰

HC: *nodding along*

XL, cheekily: “-and my secret second-lover”

HC: *blanches* “What.”

XL: “Kidding!!!! San Lang is the only one for me, hehe.” *kisses HC’s cheek* “Okay, next one!”)

Everyone watching the videos is 50% confused and 50% entertained as HC and XL make light of any drama the media portrays them in. Viewers accept that of course, the rumors aren’t true; HC and XL are still very much in love.

They’re in love with each other and will continue falling for many years to come.

***

HC doesn’t like watching himself on screen. However, he does enjoy previewing his own movies for the first time with his boyfriend.

While XL watches the new movie, HC observes XL’s reactions. It helps that XL is a conversational movie watcher too. XL’s narrations consist of horny comments during the sexual scenes (“Ooh, that’s hot. Nice tongue.” “Thank you?”), side remarks about the plot and characters (“San Lang, your character is very rude.” “...”), and dramatic reactions to the huge reveal scenes where HC becomes a human punch bag. (“Oh my goooosh, San Lang!! It was him all along- AHH!!”)

As a perfectionist, something you have to be in HC’s field of work, HC is incredibly self-critical of his performance. Which is another reason why it’s nice to have XL watch alongside with, who never has a shortage of praises for his boyfriend.

(HC: “Fuck, why did they leave this shot in the final? I’m supposed to be mourning for my dead lover but instead, I look like I’m crying out of daddy issues. Why did no one tell me!? It looks so bad-” *pointing to himself on the screen* “-stop looking so constipated-!”

XL, squeezing HC’s nape and massaging his shoulders: “San Lang, no one thinks that except for you. You did everything perfectly. Please acknowledge your hard work and just enjoy the movie.”

HC: *sigh* “You’re right. Okay. Thanks, gege.”

A beat of silence. HC cuddles closer to XL.

HC: “Love you.”

XL: “Love you too.”)

***

XL now knows HC’s movies well enough to quote HC’s lines in his movies to make him laugh. HC happily indulges him, questioning after breaking character, “Gege, are you sure I’m the actor out of the two of us?”

One time, HC and XL are in their kitchen re-enacting a scene with HC as the investigator going to a bartender for more information on his suspect. HC has XL caged against the counter, asking in a teasing manner, “How can I repay you for your help tonight?”

XL lowers his eyelids, looking up through his lashes, flawlessly depicting his character. “Any restrictions on your offer?”

“No, darling. Name a price, a brand, a desire. Right now, anything is on the table,” HC says huskily. XL slyly bites his lip.

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

XL brings a hand up to cup HC’s jaw, then smooths it down his neck, traveling down his bare chest. XL tilts his head to expose his neck, wanting to build up his boyfriend’s anticipation. But before he can say his next line, HC effortlessly throws XL over his shoulder like a bag of rice.

“San Lang, wait, this is not how it went in the movie!” XL shouts, a little dizzy from the sudden lift turning him upside down. HC takes long strides to their bedroom, plopping XL on their mattress and blanketing him with his larger frame.

HC only utters a husky “we’re improvising” before diving down to devour XL’s lips. XL’s arms hook around HC’s neck, holding him impossibly close.

***

After a filming shoot where HC’s character gets beaten up–HC performing his own stunts–he heads home beyond exhausted. He just wants to take a relaxing shower and cuddle his boyfriend in their warm bed.

HC arrives at their house a little past midnight. He opens the door and finds XL’s back facing him, quietly humming a song as he takes care of the vase in the living room. The sight makes HC smile.

However, as XL turns around, the vase slips from his hands and explodes into pieces on the ground.

“San Lang! What happened to you!?” XL cries out, the panic in his voice only comparable to the day he had confessed. HC stands in the doorway confused. Was something wrong with his appearance?

XL is on him in an instant, his pupils shaking as he frantically asks, “Does it hurt a lot? What happened!?”

HC blinks, expression blank as he still doesn't understand what has freaked XL out. But as the shorter man gently caresses HC’s face, it suddenly hits him.

The make up!

HC urgently starts rubbing the fake bruises off his face. “Gege, I’m okay! It’s just make up, none of this is real. See?” He holds his hands out for XL to see as the pigment stains HC’s palms. “I’m so sorry! San Lang is dumb, he didn’t mean to make you worry,” HC murmurs as he takes XL between his arms. He really loves this man too much.

XL’s teary eyes shine glimmer as HC embraces him. “Y-you’re sure you’re okay?”

HC nods, leaning into the slender hand that cups his cheek.

“Thank goodness,” XL breaths out as he buries his face into HC’s neck. His next words are slightly muffled. “It looks…so realistic.”

“Yeah, the make up artists are all quite talented, aren’t they?”

XL clings tighter to HC.

“Very much so. Let’s shower so we can properly wash it off.”

“All right,” HC says. “Wait, we?”

XL tugs HC toward the master bathroom.

“Hush, let’s go.”

***

They lay in bed together after four long months of separation. Both of them had been in different parts of the country; HC filmed a drama series while XL traveled for several high-profile projects. Their respective busy work schedules limited communication to brief video chats and text messages, which never seemed enough.

Now, with his head resting on HC’s chest, their legs overlapping comfortably, XL finally feels like he’s where he belongs.

“Why did you choose me?”

Tactical fingers massage XL’s scalp, lulling him into a serene state of bliss. XL nuzzles further into his boyfriend-sized pillow.

“It’s not like I can choose who I fall in love with, Gege,” HC states with a light chuckle. “But if you want an answer, it’s because you are everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner.”

XL looks up at his boyfriend, mouth forming a shape of an O.

“That simple? Even when we made a deal to have no strings attached?” XL asks. HC groans at the reminder of their initial agreement.

“Yes, which was a dumb decision on my part.”

“I agreed to it too. We were both dumb.”

They are silent for a moment. It’s not the first time they’ve talked about or referenced their insecurities when it came to confessing their feelings. XL’s luck when it came to dating someone who could love him for every part of him was practically nonexistent. HC’s constant grappling for his self-identity and worth rendered most of his relationships superficial. And temporary.

Always temporary.

“I can’t believe you thought I didn’t like your plants though. They’re so pretty. And fascinating.” HC says, breaking the silence.

“They take up half our living room space.”

“So? You work with plants all day. They’re bound to be a part of your personal life as well.”

XL’s heart bursts with a sudden fondness. It’s a wonderful thing to be appreciated for the little things.

“I’m glad you think so,” he says happily. HC hums in response, sending vibrations to where XL’s cheek lays on his chest. “I can’t believe I didn’t know you were a famous actor for the first three months we…”

“Met up for sex?” HC finishes with an impish grin.

“Yes,” XL laughs.

“It was nice not to be recognized for once. With you, I could just be myself,” HC says with ease he never thought he would be able to do. He’s struggled with letting himself be vulnerable his whole life. It turns out, HC just had to find the right person. And thank god he did. XL is more than HC’s outlet from his career. He’s become HC’s closest friend who knows him the best; he is HC’s number one supporter in any endeavor he pursues; he makes HC feel important. XL sees and loves HC for who he is. No amount of fame or wealth could come close to comparison.

“Gege?”

“Hmm?”

“Does it ever bother you that my life is always everyone else’s business?” HC softly asks.

“Well, the fame can be a bit…uncomfortable,” XL admits. “But you’re an amazing actor. And a remarkable person. I can’t blame your fans for loving you so much, you know? I also got to ride in a limo-“

“Which you rode very well-”

XL flicks his boyfriend’s forehead.

“You’re so predictable.”

“You would’ve said the same thing given the chance. Don’t lie, gege.”

They go back and forth a little longer, never once creating unnecessary distance between each other as they roll around until they’re on their sides. Facing each other in their bed that’s been vacant for months, HC and XL are inseparable.

“As I was saying, fame is something that comes with your job–your passion. You can’t control it, nor does it solely characterize who you are. Besides, I get to be a part of your life! That’s all that really matters,” XL continues. He shifts forward so their bodies are closely pressed together. XL plants a kiss on HC’s chin, then whispers a confession that tilts HC’s entire world on its axis.

“I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone like you.”

HC’s world spins and spins until all that he sees is his beloved, gleaming brighter than all the galaxies without the power to disrupt their orbit. He wraps his arms around XL and kisses the top of his head.

“Me too, Gege.”

Bonus:

HC watches wearily as XL salivates at a showering scene where HC’s bare ass flashes in the frame. XL turns to HC with a serious look in his eyes.

“San Lang! Hiking has done your ass wonders.”

XL sneaks a grope to a meaty cheek. HC chokes.

***

“You can’t be late to your own premiere!” XL cries incredulously.

“Try me,” HC purrs into XL’s ear, delicately kissing the lobe.

XL gasps as teasing hands roam around his torso, one of them slipping down to cup his behind. He vaguely thinks about how SQX is expecting them in the next hour to help with their red carpet outfits. But when hungry lips attach to the sensitive column of his neck, XL is a goner.

“Gege doesn’t have to do any work. Just lay back and look pretty.”

(Brainchild with @no-one-says-hi!)

[minmotl]

Ch. 68: Tang Fan Spills Medicine Over Injured Sui Zhou & Makes Him Take Off His Pants

Context: Tang Fan, Sui Zhou and their surviving subordinates have escaped the tomb and won against the remnants of the White Lotus Sect members camping outside their escape route. They should be celebrating, but trouble has only begun for Tang Fan. Although Yin Yuan Hua’s death was hardly his fault, their rivalry is still well-known back in the imperial city. Yin Yuan Hua’s direct supervisor makes use of this opportunity to lodge a complaint about Tang Fan having failed as a leader, and Tang Fan’s powerful allies in the ministry are all sent away. This case must have a scapegoat, and the Emperor, hearing all the complaints about Tang Fan from another official as well, decides to suspend him from his rank and title.

Before they deal with that, however, Tang Fan tries to take care of an injured Sui Zhou on their way back, and is unsurprisingly, absolutely useless at taking care of someone else.

*Note: Tang Fan is referring to a previous incident later when Sui Zhou teased him about his... after making him take off his pants (for a good reason).

Introduction Post | Masterpost

—

Highlights under the cut

In Tang Fan’s eyes, his person career advancement will never be as important as the health of his friends and companions. He orders Cheng Wen and the rest to properly record all the treasures and also rejects Magistrate He’s attempts to make him stay, bringing everyone on the journey back to the imperial city.

They are not as much in a rush this time on the way back because they have to take care of those who are injured. The journey cannot be too fast and they must often take rests at outposts along the way meant for officials.

Magistrate He helped them to prepare several carriages and inside, several thick layers of soft covers have been placed to ferry the injured. A physician is also accompanying them on this journey and he can help to prescribe and brew medicine, and also to treat wounds.

As Sui Zhou’s internal organs have been wounded, he needs to to rest often and adding to that, he has to drink medicine that has herbs that would help with his sleep, so on this entire journey, he has spent most of the days in sleep.

Those who are injured need someone to take care of them, and the only woman in this convoy is Lady Chen. However, as she’s a wanted criminal, she can enjoy sitting in a single carriage, but her hands and legs have been trapped with heavy cuffs. There are supervising men stationed before and behind this carriage. Tang Fan cannot let her come and take care of Sui Zhou, and so Tang-daren volunteers bravely to take on the responsibility of attending to this patient.

Pang Qi is immensely touched at how noble Tang-daren is.

And at this moment, Sui Zhou is still unconscious in rest, otherwise he would be the first one to jump up and oppose this… but the ship has sailed and there is no time for him to even protest.

After Sui Zhou wakes up, he realises that the person who is delivering his medicine to him has change from the accompanying physician to Tang Fan.

“…”

“What is it?” Tang Fan asks.

“Where’s the physician?”

“He’s helping others to change their dressings, I’ll feed you today,” Tang Fan answers.

Sui Zhou’s smile is forced as he says, “No need, I can do this myself.”

Tang Fan thinks that he’s only being courteous, and then presses him down, “The physician said, forcing all of you to journey back at this point is already harmful to your injuries. If you can lie down just lie down, then you can recover quickly! How close are we, you don’t have to stand on ceremony with me!”

Sui Zhou is speechless, thinking that he would truly like to stand on ceremony with him.

Tang-daren scoops out a spoonful of the medicine and is about to bring it to Sui Zhou’s mouth. He then remembers the way Sui Zhou took care of him when he was ill, and learns from him by placing the spoon to his lips to test the temperature, before sending it over.

And yet, just as it is about to arrive at its destination, Tang Fan’s hand shakes.

Sui Zhou, “…”

Tang Fan, “…”

Sui Zhou, “It’s best if I drink it myself.”

Tang Fan laughs, “I’m just not used to this, sorry, sorry! Or we can change a position?”

He uses his sleeves to wipe at Sui Zhou’s shirt and places the bowl aside first. He then helps Sui Zhou up so that he is half leaning on him, then picks up the bowl, carefully bringing it up to Sui Zhou’s mouth. He slants the spoon slightly, thinking that this time, his hand will not shake, at least.

Unexpectedly, a woman’s scream resounds from the outside, and then it is followed by the sounds of chaos from a startled bunch of men and horses.

After a moment, they then hear Qian San Er’s voice, “Sui-daren, sorry about this and that we disturbed your rest. Lady Chen was screaming for no reason and insisted that someone was peeping at her as she was changing clothes. We didn’t startle you did we, Sui-daren?”

Tang Fan, “…”

Sui Zhou, “…”

This time, the whole bowl of medicine has been spilled on Sui Zhou’s face. Thankfully the medicine’s temperature was just nice, otherwise they will have to add another item to the list of Sui Zhou’s injuries.

Sui Zhou is left with no choice but to remove the bowl from his face, and says, “I’ll do it myself.”

Tang Fan is speechless, “Guang Chuan, I really did not meant to…”

Although Sui Zhou is the victim of this, he wants to laugh, “I know, but you are not the type to assist others like this. Get someone to brew another bowl, you just have to stay and chat with me.”

He has to comply unconditionally with the patient’s requests. Tang Fan is reinvigorated, “Sure, what do you want to talk about?”

Sui Zhou, “… You should help me get another set of clothes to change first.”

“Oh, oh, oh,” Tang Fan says.

Seeing Tang Fan get up to help him find clothes, Sui Zhou cannot help but feel helpless but also slightly sweet inside. Helpless, because Tang Fan cannot even take care of himself and wants to take care of others - anyone who is taken care of by him will end up in a pitiful condition. And slightly sweet because… Sui Zhou does not need to describe it, as long as he himself knows what it is about.

After a moment, Tang-daren comes back with a pile of clothes.

Sui Zhou has internal injuries and his hands and legs are fine. The physician asked him to recover in peace and quiet, but never said that he cannot move entirely, so changing his own clothes is not a problem. However, Tang Fan insists that he feels guilty and wants to make amends for what he did earlier. Sui Zhou is unable to refuse this face filled with sincerity, and can only silently agree to Tang Fan’s offer.

Sui Zhou’s bronze-coloured abs and muscles are revealed as his inner layer is removed. From the lines of his arms and chest, one can see that he definitely has trained hard on a daily basis. At the same time, as he frequently needs to walk on the edge of danger and has been through many battles, the old marks left by wounds on his body are not little. Some are old and the colours have become very light, but some of them he got a few days ago in the tomb, and are only starting to scab over.

And yet it is this body littered with scars and marks that are a testament to how manly and masculine he is. Without the cover of clothes, he is definitely more imposing than usual. Even if he is wounded now and sitting on the bed, the first thing every person will think of is that this is a sleeping lion, and not a sick cat.

Originally, it would have been fine to just change his outerwear and the inner layer, but Tang Fan insists on changing the full set, making him change his pants as well together. Sui Zhou has no choice but to go along with it. And in the end, when he takes off his pants, he sees Tang-daren eyeing him there, and mischievously he says, “So the shape looks like that.”

Sui Zhou, “…”

How well Tang Fan holds onto grudges… so many days have passed, and at that time, Sui Zhou was merely teasing him, must he remember it like this?

Tang Fan helps him to change and says, “Coming to Gong County, I thought of some materials for the new novel. I’ll write about a man who was born in the wilderness and one day, a demon sets its eyes on a unique treasure that has been passed down for generations in the man’s family. However, he’s troubled by the fact that the treasure recognises its owner and the demon cannot come close to it. And so the demon drinks on the fresh blood of women and turns himself into a beautiful woman, seduces the man and finally makes the man fall irrevocably in love with her, so much so that he willingly gifts the treasure to the demon. The demon’s true form is immediately revealed, the man sees that the person who has slept with him all this time is a horrifying demon filled with scales and has blood-filled eyes, and is scared to death. What do you think?”

Sui Zhou is silent for a bit, “It is rather good.”

But he also has a bad feeling…

As expected, the next moment, he hears Tang Fan say, “How about I call the man Sui Zhou then?”

“Change it,” Sui Zhou replies.

Tang-daren goes with the flow, “Alright, then I’ll call the demon Sui Zhou.”

Sui Zhou, “…”

As people say, one would rather offend a gentleman than offend Tang-daren.

Don’t just judge by Sui Zhou’s unapproachable face, and how he seems cold and ruthless to his subordinates and others. Everyone tends to think that he is so cold that he doesn’t have friends and even when he spends time with his good friend Tang Fan, it is Tang-daren who is always giving in to him.

They do not know that their assumption is wrong, because with Tang-daren, Sui Zhou has this “as long as he is happy anything goes” attitude. Once compromise becomes a habit, he unconsciously keeps giving in, and giving in, and giving in again…

Giving in to the end, and Sui Zhou is defeated and convinced.

And so Tang-daren’s new novel and the name of the demon in it is set, just like that.

As for those from the Northern Administrative Court who will see the book in stores in the future, they will make a noise of confusion, “Zhenfushi-daren’s surname is not common, how did it turn up here? Is the author a man who was arrested and tortured by Sui Zhou before?”

But that is all talk for later. Tang-daren finally can make use of this opportunity when Sui Zhou is weak and via the chance to change his clothes, he unceremoniously bullied the other. He is feeling exceptionally good right now, and hums a small tune under his breath.

Sui Zhou doesn’t know if he is deliberately being like this in front of him, or if he really does not care, and cannot help but ask directly, concerned, “Did you think about what will happen after you return to the imperial city?”

[maryniss]

the stars will die and will be reborn (and i will still love you)

inspired by this gorgeous art right here, seriously it s lovely 

Hua Cheng was getting dizzy and he fisted his hands into Xie Lian’s shirt, trying to control himself, to not fall over from where he sat on the back of his husband. It ended up as an accident, a teasing accident, may we say, but not Hua Cheng was feeling like the one who was getting teased.

“And I saw this beautiful glass bird, it was so colorful and fragile, San Lang! And of course I went and asked how much was it? And do you know what the merchant told me?”

Hua Cheng had a very hard time figuring out exactly what Xie Lian was saying, his entire mind and his entire body, his entire being was concentrated on the way Xie Lian easily lifted himself up again and then down, up and down.

Ok, it was stupid, a little bit, it really was. Hua Cheng didn’t really know what was going on through his head when he asked Xie Lian if he thought he could do push-ups with Hua Cheng sitting on his back. Xie Lian then cocked an eyebrow and pulled his long hair in a bun, only two streaks of hair left to hang loosely around his face. He discarded his outer robe and smiled at Hua Cheng and only said “For sure I can.”

Hua Cheng should have known that it was not going to be good for him. But, what do they say, love makes you do foolish things? Well, then Hua Cheng was the utmost lovesick, betraying himself like that.

He closed his eyes and he took a deep breath. His mind was racing in places he should try to keep closed. But, then, oh, that only made him think more, about how strong Xie Lian’s arms were, about how he could so easily pin Hua Cheng and never let go, about, about, about…

“…and the merchant said ‘Do you know what kind of bird this is? Brought from Ghost City, it has magic properties! You should know that its price is totally correct. I won’t make you a discount, no matter how long you beg of me too.’ And do you know what I said, San Lang?”

Hua Cheng gulped and shook his head. “What, gege?”

He congratulated himself for forming an entire sentence (actually two words, but who counted…? Eight letters, he managed to say eight latter without stuttering or drooling all over, wasn’t that something he should reward himself for?)

“…and bargained for half an hour! Even gods are easier to negotiate than merchants! And I managed to get a discount in the end!” It was a mistake to look. Hua Cheng should have just kept his eyes closed.

“And, wait, have I told you?” Xie Lian lifted one of his arms in the air, making small gestures as he was talking and Hua Cheng felt like dying. Again. Seriously, to die thrice for this man wasn’t enough?

For Hua Cheng it felt like it wasn’t.

His body shivered and he could no longer stand it. He swept down so quickly that Xie Lian barely noticed there was no one sitting on his back anymore and when he lowered himself their lips crashed together.

Xie Lian made a surprised sound but he didn’t pull back. He only closed his eyes and kissed further, gently, teasing and Hua Cheng could feel the upward curve of his lover’s lips.

“Was I really that boring?” asked Xie Lian once their lips parted enough for him to still feel the Ghost King’s breath on his skin. Hua Cheng eye darkened and he shook his head. The tip of his ears was red, and Xie Lian bent his head down and kissed it.

“Gege… could never, ah, bore me.” Hua Cheng took a sharp breath as Xie Lian kissed his way further down, under his ear, to the line of his jaw, and down to his neck, hot kissed on his cold skin, gold butterflies that flew over his head and lit up a flame in his eyes and soul.

It then dawned to him. That he had this man forever, for him. He could be kissed by this man forever, he could kiss and worship this man forever and ever and forever until his lips got tired of kissing, until they…

“San Lang.” Xie Lian breathed gently over Hua Cheng’s throat. “Speak the truth.” And this time, Hua Cheng just grinned and one of his hands went up and pulled at the elastic that was holding Xie Lian’s hair into place, dark locks falling and covering their faces like a curtain, hiding them form the world that feared their love.

“You will never find a more honest person than me, I swear.” Xie Lian, at this, laughed whole-heartedly and rolled next to Hua Cheng, intertwining their fingers together. Hua Cheng brought his beloved hand to his lips and kissed it.

“San Lang, I am not boring you now, but what about the future? What if…” Xie Lian gulped and squeezed Hua Cheng’s hand. Hua Cheng squeezed back. “What if you’ll get tired of me?” Hua Cheng, at this, he felt a mix of feeling pooling down in his gut anger and something else he could not really tell the origin of.

“Don’t you worry, gege, about that. I’ve waited for you for 800 years. I will never get tired of waiting for you, so even if you ever feel fit to distance yourself from me, I will accept it. I am your most devoted believer.” He looked into his husband’s eyes; crimson universes into golden ones; an explosion of colors and emotions.  “Believe in me, too.”

And he closed his lips around his beloved ones. It was like the first time they’ve done this and Hua Cheng knew he would never get tired, could never get tired. Xie Lian made a soft sound, like he always does when they kiss and Hua Cheng dared to open his mouth more and lick a little at the other’s lips.

It was like stars were exploding and were born again, were born anew. Such a feeling, to create again and again and to destroy and to rebuild was something Hua Cheng got to experience every day.

“I believe in you, San Lang.”

How could he get bored of love?

[curiosity-killed]

evidence of a lost past part 3

(chronologically before part 1 or part 2)

“Xie-gege?” Lang Ying calls from behind the cold storage. “You’ve got some friends here for you.” Frowning, Xie Lian straightens up from where he’d been crouched to organize the oatmeal shelf and dusts his hands off on his jeans. He doesn’t really have friends, to say nothing of people who would surprise him at work. He steps around the shelving unit at the same time that Lang Ying brings the visitors through the crowded entry hall. Spotting them, Xie Lian freezes. Skepticism is painted in broad strokes across Lang Ying’s face as he looks up at the men beside him before turning toward Xie Lian. “So,” he starts, eyeing the two sidelong again. “Nan Feng,” Feng Xin blurts out, as if answering a question, “and Fu Yao.”

Lang Ying’s eyes narrow a moment, but he just gives a slow nod. “I’ll be in the pantry if you need anything, Xie-gege,” he says. Xie Lian smiles reflexively, a silly sense of gratitude easing through him at Lang Ying’s quiet protectiveness. Aside from the cold storage, the pantry is the closest room to this back storage. “Thanks, a-Ying,” he says, waving him on. When he’s left, Xie Lian takes a bracing breath and turns to his old friends. He doesn’t know if there’s a polite way to tell them that no one in this community center would recognize the names of ballet stars, no matter how prominent. If anything, their fake names and…disguises make them far more suspicious: Mu Qing is wearing a suit, clearly tailored and accented with silver metallic embellishments, while Feng Xin wears a windsuit set that would better belong to a 90s boy band. “Ah,” Xie Lian says, struggling to think of anything to say, and rubs his forehead with the knuckle of his thumb. “Hi.” “You work in this place?” Mu Qing demands. His arms are crossed, bunching up his jacket, and the tail of his long ponytail catches on his shoulder. The last few inches are a surprising platinum blond, and Xie Lian vaguely recalls hearing something about a commercial deal last year or so. “Why do you have to say it like that?” Feng Xin demands. “So what if he works here? What do you have against a—a…” “Community center,” Xie Lian offers when it’s clear he doesn’t know what to call it. “And I do. Puqi’s been my home for the past year or so.” Feng Xin’s face does something complicated at that which Xie Lian can no longer wholly read. He thinks part of it at least is embarrassment, which is alright. It must be strange for them, to see him here in jeans stained with gravel dust around the knees and a t-shirt with a tubby cartoon tiger declaring ‘STRIPES ARE BEAUTIFUL.’ “Here, would you rather sit? There are some chairs in the lounge we could pull in,” he says. The lounge isn’t really a lounge so much as the storage room for donated furniture. Still, sometimes he and Lang Ying will take a breather back there and split a sweet bun from the bakery down the block, and it feels like a secret spot just for the staff. “No,” Mu Qing says immediately. His lip has pulled back a little, as if disgusted by the prospect. “We aren’t staying.” Oh. Xie Lian can’t quite help the disappointment that sinks through his chest at that. It’s not like he expected them to stay or try to be friends again, not after how he left things, but—well, with them coming here, he’d almost thought— “Oh, that’s alright,” he says with a bright smile. “Is there something I can help you with?” The two of them share a look that Xie Lian really can’t read at all. Back when he left, Feng Xin had only been speaking to Mu Qing to tell him to fuck off, and they certainly hadn’t been sharing any meaningful looks unless they were glares. It’s…it’s good, that they’ve found a friend in each other. He wishes they’d gotten along better when they were young, but it’s nice that they can be friends now. “Jun Wu said you were here,” Feng Xin says, grudging, dropping his gaze. “And we just—well, it’s been a long time. Figured we should check on you.” That phrase again. Eight years feels like a millennium, long enough that his past life feels more dreamlike than real most days. Long enough he certainly wouldn’t expect them to check in on him. He smiles. “Ah, that’s very kind of you,” he says, “but there’s no need to worry. I’m quite well, and you two must be so busy. Rehearsals for Nutcracker must have started by now, haven’t they?” He remembers when they were all young and dragging through endless rehearsals, when Feng Xin would grumble about having Tchaikovsky’s score stuck on his head all hours of the day and Mu Qing would scowl at him from across the costumes he helped sew as an after school job. “Yeah,” Feng Xin says. “They have. We get Sundays off for now.” Xie Lian nods, maintaining his polite smile. He’s really not sure what they want from him or why they’ve stopped by. This stilted half-conversation can’t actually be it. “You really live like this?” Mu Qing demands. “Puttering around this concrete floor, looking like…that.” Blinking once, Xie Lian folds his hands together and firms his spine. He’s gotten used to the trajectory of his life by now, and it doesn’t bother him even if no one else understands it. He knows why he’s here, knows he made the right choice for himself. Before he can answer, the bell over the front door chimes, and bootheels clip across the concrete floor. There’s a polite rap at the doorframe leading into the storage area where only employees are allowed. “Gege?” Xie Lian flushes at the way Mu Qing and Feng Xin stiffen and whip around toward the door and silently exhales a breath of relief at Hua Cheng’s timing. Probably his arrival won’t make it less awkward, but he’d rather have Hua Cheng here than handle this alone, even if that makes him a coward. “Ah San Lang, come in,” he calls. “There are just a couple visitors.” “San Lang?” Feng Xin echoes, twisting to gawk at the door. It’s obvious the moment he spots Hua Cheng, because his entire back goes tight and still, and Mu Qing bristles like a cat, fingers digging into his jacket sleeves. Hua Cheng passes around the far wall of shelves and doesn’t pause even as he gives the two of them a quick, unimpressed once-over. “Hey gege,” he greets, brushing past them to smile at Xie Lian. Xie Lian can’t help returning the look, delight bubbling up in him at the easy happiness Hua Cheng wears in his expression. “Hi San Lang,” he replies. “These two are—um. Nan Feng and Fu Yao. Old…school friends of mine.” Hua Cheng doesn’t bother looking at them before turning to Xie Lian with an eyebrow arched as if to ask ‘are you serious?’ Xie Lian is helpless to respond except for a casual shrug. If Feng Xin and Mu Qing insist on using false names, he’ll respect their wishes no matter how nonsensical it seems. “You—!” Feng Xin hisses, hands balled up into fists at his sides. “Me,” Hua Cheng agrees flatly. “Gege, are these new volunteers? I bet that one could sweep out the storage rooms while I take you to get lunch.” At the obvious look Hua Cheng sends him, Mu Qing’s lips pull back in blatant disgust and indignation. Biting his lip, Xie Lian holds in laughter. It isn’t nice to tease like that, but—well, it is kind of nice to have someone willing to do it for him. “Ah there’s no need,” he says quickly. “They were just stopping by to say hi.” He thinks. He’s still not really sure what’s going on here. “Oh?” Hua Cheng says. “So you’re leaving, then.” He says it straight to Feng Xin and Mu Qing, and despite their spluttering, Xie Lian has to hold in a startled laugh. He tugs gently at Hua Cheng’s elbow. “San Lang,” he scolds without any heat. The grin Hua Cheng tosses him is carefree and boyish, and it makes something funny and bright burst in Xie Lian’s chest. Maybe it’s alright to tease a little, if it earns him such cute looks. “Fine,” Mu Qing says. “Whatever. I have work to do.” He pivots on his heel and starts stalking toward the door without waiting to see if Feng Xin is following. Left behind, Feng Xin hesitates a moment, lips parted as if to speak. Finally, he swallows and purses his lips. “Just—be careful, okay?” he says like an order instead of a request. “If you need anything—I mean. I still have the same phone number.” A softer smile slips across Xie Lian’s lips at that, and he gives a little nod. “Me, too,” he admits. “Be safe getting home.” Feng Xin grunts and waffles a moment longer before hurrying after Mu Qing, his windsuit pants rustling away. Xie Lian can hear him all the way to the door. When the bell chimes, he sighs and turns back to see Hua Cheng leaning against the corner of the wall with his eye narrowed in amusement. “You get such interesting visitors, gege,” he says cheerfully. “San Lang ah,” Xie Lian complains, helpless. It’s impossible to feel at all cross when the whole situation was so absurd and Hua Cheng seems so childishly pleased. His grin broadens and turns brighter, more honest, as Xie Lian finally lets himself laugh at it all. “Ah, enough,” Xie Lian says, covering his eyes briefly. Shaking his head, he drops his hand. “Have you eaten? I brought some leftovers we could share, if you want.” “Gege’s cooking?” Hua Cheng asks, offering out his arm like a gentleman. “It must be my lucky day.” Xie Lian laughs at that, bright and easy, and lets himself be led.

[kuronekonerochan]

Hi again....Do you mind if I ask a few questions?

Who is your fav main couple in mxtx novels (wangxian or hualian or bingqiu)? And why?

Who is your favorite love interest in MXTX three novels (luo binghe, lan wangji, or hua cheng)? And why?

And who is your favorite protagonist in MXTX three novels (shen qingqiu, wei wuxian or xie lian)? And why?

Sorry if you've answered this question before....

Fav Main Couple:

Emotionally, Wangxian bc sentimental reasons of reading it first. Objectively Hualian bc I love the sheer beatnik energy of Xie Lian being the prototype perfect model for Heaven Official as per JW’s wishes and then after graduating being all like “Nope, I don’t wanna climb the corporate ladder dad! I wanna go on the road and meet the real ppl and their struggles and explore the land!”... and then he meets his hot biker bad boy anarchist mafia boss boyfriend and all of evil wall street dad’s plans for him go to shit...and that’s beautiful.

Fav Love Interest:

Lan Wanji: I like tsundere disasters. LBH is too puppy love, HC is too cool (and secretly such an otaku lol). LWJ is the one who is constantly, silently, screwing up and freaking out about it. He is the messiest one and I love him. Also, and I know I’m in the minority here, characters whose only focus in life is their love interest lowkey freak me out. I mean, in fiction and if they are one of the MC’s it’s romantic, but imagine if it’s one sided...yikes. HC has a whole realm under his command but that is barely brought up in the novel (and they could elaborate on that, the thing is huge), LBH does everything for Shizun. LWJ is the only one who has more loyalties to consider, and while that is one of the things that holds him back and might contribute to the tragedy in MDZS, it also makes him the most interesting character. He has his brother and uncle, later on he has Shizui, and his actions, both when he holds back bc of his sect/family and when he chooses WWX over all of them...it has a lot more weight because he is the one out of the 3 ML’s whose choices come at bigger personal cost.

Fav Protagonist:

Wei Wu Xian: He’s the personification of disaster and that makes him so relatable. BQ is like a sassy best friend you love. XL is adorable and the type of character you want to hug and protect, but he’s not relatable, bc nobody is that kind and giving.

 WWX with his sense of justice, his rash decisions he eventually regrets (or not), his terrible memory, his adhd, his intentional flirting with ppl he doesn’t really want anything with just for the fun of it, and his “unintentional” flirting with the one he does, his obliviousness to love, his tendency to say everything is fine when it clearly isn’t, and the way he clearly avoids thinking about stuff as a coping mechanism, also the way he can stand up and speak his mind and be powerful to strangers but just lays down and takes all the verbal abuse from ppl closer to him (oh boy do I relate to this...not to my family thankfully, but I am usually such an outspoken person and then I let some “superiors” at work step all over me bc I don’t like confrontation and want to get along with everyone on my daily life)...and of course there’s the whole “I tried so hard to do things right, how did I end up ruining everything?”...There is just a lot of relatable and lovable things about WWX and his hopelessness does hit an emotional chord bc I think everyone has tried their best at some point in their lives and then had things turn out awful....and afterwards having to get up and move on. And yes, it’s all very wuxia and metaphorical, but all his attitudes post resurrection are so relatable: being ashamed, not wanting to be found by anyone he knew, later on after he was found just not wanting to talk about it and rather pretend it didn’t happen. Even the fact that the story ends and him and Jiang Cheng still aren’t ready to put it all behind them is relatable. There’s some relationships, some people, it’s going to take more time and more than one hard talk to fix things with. (See why I love WWX? his character makes me go all sappy and meta deep. I guess some of the stuff I said is also true for XL but he is like Jesus and I am much to petty to relate to him.)

[huacheng-zhu]

ok so 2ha. vague spoilers ahead (important spoilers are warned but watch out)

that’s a solid 4.5/5 for me. this novel RUINED me and I loved it for it. it made me feel like very few novels (and even stories in general) did. today I’m STILL shaken over a part of it that I read two days ago, despite the happy ending. I have A Lot of thoughts (shout-out to @whateverwuxian​ who can testify that I couldn’t shut up about it, love you buddy!!) so I just went ahead and [gestures below]

starting with the negative so we can enjoy all the positive later. feel free to discuss but I’m extra sensitive and these are only my personal feelings so they probably won’t change anyway, so be nice please!

what I didn't like:

too many r*pe scenes. I get that the non-con """makes sense""" narratively and thematically but like. they didn't have to be explicit. at the very least not all of them. sorry but too much is too much. there are more non-con sex scenes/flashbacks than consensual sex scenes! stop! we get it! enough now!

not a fan of a 26yo falling in love with a 16yo. if cwn had initiated Anything I would’ve thrown the novel out the window. but thankfully it didn’t happen, I got invested, and nothing mutual happened until mo ran was 22, so I mostly got over it, but I’m still somewhat uncomfortable with it for very personal reasons.

their first time putting it in. it felt so unfair and I was very upset over it. it could’ve worked without going There? why. was that necessary. and it's heartbreaking for both of them, because mo ran didn't want to do it either. he wanted them to take all their time. he wanted to go step by step. all he wanted was to make sure cwn would be happy and comfortable and never hurt again in bed. for their first time that way he wanted it to be special. but it was just. taken away from them, and for what? for nothing there’s absolutely no reason for it. I get there’s the metaphorical foreshadowing of the upcoming reveal aspect (spoilers) both of them not consenting, mo ran being horrified -> the reveal that mo ran was cursed and so would’ve never wanted to treat cwn like this in the past either if he’d had control (end spoilers) but still?? and it’s never brought up again? I know they don’t get the time until the very end but hhhh. yeah I have Feelings over this

some plot twists hit good emotionally but had no point? thinking of the one about xue meng here.

there’s horny, and then there’s mo ran. it’s not a bad thing, it’s just not the kind of stuff I like reading about and book 1 and 2 are A Lot on that side so in book 2 after a while ME, THE BIGGEST ASEXUAL WHO COULDN’T CARE LESS ABOUT SEX SCENES, WAS LIKE, “oh my god have mercy please just fuck already I beg of you” and indeed they chilled a bit after that. like they were still horny but. less intensely and less all the fucking time. thank god (I still think the farm arc was hilarious to witness though, and I did love it)

kinda wish their reunion at the end was longer and more emotional but that’s just because I love that shit

(spoilers) kinda wish we got to see shi mei again before he went off doing his blind wandering doctor stuff. a talk with ranwan would’ve been very interesting. (end spoilers)

xue meng didn’t get a hug

that one thing at the end you know the one. maybe I'd be more into it if it'd been given time to be explored seriously and wasn't played off as a joke. it kinda ruined the mood of their last scene for me. (spoilers spoilers spoilers this is the end of this section if you don’t want to get spoiled) in that scene I wanted chu wanning to ride off into the sunset with mo ran, not txj. like, txj is the alternate world’s “if there had been no transmigration” version of mo ran 2.0. the whole point is that mo ran IS txj in book 1, but changes and becomes mo ran 2.0. mo ran 2.0, who by the end of the novel has already done all the redemption and deconstruction of his dubious habits. who he was as txj is long behind him. at this point txj will always be a part of who he was, but they are pretty much two 'different' people now. txj disappearing into dust after everything that happens at the end was beautiful symbolism. it meant something. to me there was no point keeping txj around after all that other than for “haha split personalities fighting over cwn’s attention uwu” THAT SAID the fact I'm not a fan of the idea doesn't mean I don't like txj. I care txj a lot and have Emotions over him, and I will definitely eventually explore this in my writing

(still spoilers) the demonic blood reveal was a bit.... deus ex machina? plus I personally would've preferred mo ran staying a regular person (end spoilers)

alright what I liked now:

the themes, both regarding the characters and the various plot elements. this novel really challenges your morals and what you think is right or wrong, what’s redeemable, what’s punishable, and how much one relies on first impressions, amongst other things. this novel is the definition of “don’t judge a book by its cover” but also “look further than the first page” in so many ways

the romance. like I don’t need to say anything there. just, the slow burn, the longing, the yearning, the romance [clutches heart]

the plot twists/reveals. I’m so glad I was barely spoiled (I was spoiled two Big things but very vaguely so I was still surprised) because pretty much all of them had me shouting “WHAT” and/or gaping and/or various “what the fuck!!!”/”holy SHIT”/“NO” reactions

the way a lot of those reveals just completely change your view on things/characters?? that’s my jam

wontons. that was the first time I cried and my first very physical reaction to an event in this novel. I literally felt like time froze. I heard my heart beating. it was painful but AMAZING.

might be nothing in the grand scheme of things but honestly, all the food! I love that mo ran is an excellent cook and can make all those delicious dishes for cwn. as someone who loves to cook for their loved ones I think it’s so lovely that he gets to do that

the character growth. for everyone, but mo ran in particular? like I just. I started off not liking mo ran very much, straight up despising him at times, and in the end I was fucking sobbing over him and cried myself to sleep only to wake up in the middle of the night to cry some more so there’s that

chu wanning? there were aspects of him that I related to heavily, and that felt both like the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and very special because it doesn’t happen to me that often

the whole deaging arc. that was deaging done right and it had a purpose in the narrative and their relationship growth, I was “!!!!”

I LOVE how they took their time with EVERYTHING once they got together? that it spanned over several weeks? that it started with the confession, then just holding hands, then kissing, then making out, then sex, and even the sex was step by step! it said A LOT about mo ran’s character growth and it respected SO MUCH the fact that cwn is a 32yo (unrelated but (spoilers) I like to argue that yeah he’s been alive for 32 years but when you’ve been asleep and not aging physically nor growing mentally for five years in a way that makes you a 27yo. so when he calls his body “mature and old” and compares himself to shi mei I’m just. buddy your body is just three years older than shi mei’s there’s barely any difference in maturity right there. I know it’s your lack of self-worth speaking, and believe me I get it, but don’t be so hard on yourself. (end spoilers) anyway, this is an unimportant and unrelevant thought that I had during the mirror scene) who has no experience in any of these things whatsoever. he's not pushed into sex like he's going to be comfortable right off the bat and like it isn’t such a big change in a life that’s been ascetic so far. mo ran is aware of that! and when they have their first time mo ran, who’s been maybe even more horny than cwn all this time - seriously horny is that guy’s middle name, who initiated the sex, what does he say!!! "don't worry about me, tonight, I just want to make you feel good"??? mo ran?? your character development??? I appreciated that so much.

the pain. I’m still bleeding on the floor despite the happy ending but yeah. I like angst and I was not disappointed. it didn’t feel that gratuitious to me, more like, brutally honest? I don’t cry that easily but by the end I think I’d cried, what, close to ten times??

quite a few excellent quotes [lies down] “I realized - I had grown into the you in my heart”?? “hell is too cold”??? I highlighted more but those two are the ones that always come to my mind first

most of the time the flashbacks were perfectly inserted for maximum emotional damage and I respect that skill

xue zhengyong. like he’s not my favourite, my favourites are xue meng, nangong si and ye wangxi but? I just adored him so he gets a special mention

the side characters? like, I legit loved Everyone? when I cry over side characters you know it’s serious

THE CONFESSION SCENE. LIKE. HOLY SHIT MY HEART. it comes reaaally close to the vocal one (because hua cheng confesses so many times without words) at the end of tgcf for me. it was beautiful. I was so emotional. the fact that cwn can't say it no matter how much he feels it. like it's always been plain and clear just how much he loves mo ran. but he can't say the words yet and I just. the fact that mo ran gets it? that he doesn't need the words, just that squeeze of fingers, just what cwn is, at that moment, able to give him, and it doesn't mean less to him than words would? it hit home real hard

unless I think of something else, that’s about it! I can’t recommend 2ha enough, that said, I beg of you, heed the warnings. they are NOT overstated. and even if there were no warnings, take care anyways. the angst is serious, it haunts you. angst always makes me feel like my chest is being squeezed and that’s precisely the feeling I’m looking for when I choose to read angst. I have good tolerance to it, so despite not doing entirely well lately, I thought I was tough and went for it, but I’m a CLOWN. the way it’s written ruins you. this morning despite reading the hardest part of the angst on saturday evening, I still had some physical chest pain. so I recommend it with all my heart, but take care of yourselves. 2ha doesn’t fuck around.

[eohachu]

Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game.

Ali tagged me, thanks. I guess 😘 @lanzhansmiles​

A’ight so I’m simply taking this as an opportunity to show off my frankly impeccable taste 😌 *coughs into the crook of my elbow with my mask on and from a safe distance* More under the cut, godspeed!

I’m tagging uhh I really don’t want to expose anyone but uh. @morifinwes​ @ttaechwita​ @sunshine304​ @treemaidengeek​ @flamingwell​ no pressure tho!!

Since 2006

Janina Fautz: Die Wilden Kerle, anyone?? Tbh i had a crush on quite a lot of the characters/actors but in hindsight Janina was and is the most influential one. Also probably my first ever girl crush (again, in hindsight bc it took me until 3 years ago to finally find out i’m queer lol)

Eva-Maria May: Yeah well I’m not gonna talk about where I know her from let’s say it was an incredibly bad soap opera my mom used to watch. She was one of the reasons why I went Yeah I Have Always Been Into Girls. I was pretty obsessed with her to the point where mini me secretly printed out a photo of her to look at lmaooo the signs have always been there and it’s truly amazing how I had been missing them for years

Amy Adams: Her as Amelia Earhart in Night at the Museum was also definitely a huge Thing to young me. Again, I had been completely oblivious about this crush for years

David Luiz: HAH! This is the point where we do NOT get into my football/soccer crushes bc this list would get WAYYY too long hahaha. I had to cut loads of people from my list for this post bc I develop a new celebrity crush every 5 minutes basically but yeah. David Luiz was definitely my biggest football/soccer crush out of..... everyone else

M*rvel

I don’t have a lot to say about any of them since I’m not into m*rvel anymore TFATWS makes me want to stick the tip of my toe back into m*rvel waters but otherwise NO THANKS

Sebastian Stan was, if my judgement of my archive is right, the longest highkey celebrity crush I’ve ever had. Mostly because I love Bucky a lot and he was so amazing in Captain America: The Winter Soldier. I must’ve had a crush on him for as long as I had been in the m*rvel fandom

Recent Past

some celeb crushes from last year that were all more or less short-lived tbh

Ester Expósito: As it often goes I didn’t find her spectacular in the beginning but as Élite went on I started to develop a huge crush on her. I still find her pretty hot but I’m not invested in Élite so yeah..... I have no object permanence

Mina El Hammani: Got to know her through Élite, too. She’s so incredibly beautiful. Had a hard time choosing a photo of her bc I’d stare at every single one for ages. Wow.

Danger Days!Gerard Way: Hah! The ones of you who’ve been following me for longer might remember my posts about wanting to dye my hair neon red. Well, him’s the reason and also clinical depression. Ended up with natural red/ginger bc my hair is too thin for bleaching lel. ANYWAY

Maxence Danet Fauvel: Pretty short-lived crush from my Skam days

Ramy Moharam Fouad: So Ramy has a brother, Tamino-Amir Moharam Fouad, who makes INCREDIBLE music. Ramy made some of his music videos (directed them? not sure), that’s how he came to my attention. Idk man he’s just so incredibly beautiful.... gives me a hint of genvy, too......

Janelle Monáe: Became a fan when Make Me Feel came out, listened to the entire album for days and eventually inevitably crushed on her

Lera Abova: Saw her in ANИА and fell in love. I screamed to my friends for weeks about how she was the most beautiful human being I’d ever seen etc etc. Eventually my crush went away mostly, but I still think she’s stunning

Keiynan Lonsdale: Keiynan said FUCK gender and I said 😍😍😍 and that’s all you need to know.

Current

*deep breath* alright let’s gooo

Bright (Wachirawit Chivaaree): Crushed on him for as long as I watched 2gether/Still 2gether lmao. I still like him a lot and sometimes lose my mind over him but I’m not exceptionally Thirsty™

Tul (Pakorn Thanasrivanitchai) and Max (Nattapol Diloknawarit): If you search either of them on tumblr you will have to scroll for a long, long time to find seperate photos of them. However, I’m not patient enough so here we are. Re: Tul, actually I want to copy/paste what Ali said bc DAMN a man who is confident about his masculinity and sexuality really is kinda hot. Same goes for Max tbh. Also Max’ lips look so soft I [redacted]

Lukas von Horbatschewsky: Also known as Lukas Alexander. He did an amazing job in Druck and he’s just a person I admire in general. As one of the few out trans actors in Germany, he had a main role as a trans boy in Druck and also co-wrote Druck’s seasons 5 and 6. He’s just a huge role model to me and, apart from that, Big Crush Material (h i s  e y e s)

Li Wei: Someone suggested him as Hua Cheng for the TGCF live action and my life hasn’t been the same since. While I’m open for whoever will get that role in the end, I could look at his face for hours and not get bored. Major Genvy, too.

Li BoWen and Liu HaiKuan: I will have to deal with these two in one paragraph bc LanLan bc they have the exact same effect on me which is. that they’re not 100% my type but I WILL go absolutely feral about them at regular intervals, if you know what I mean

Song JiYang: ohh honey. oh honey.......... hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I have a natural affinity for aquarius ppl and this one lives in my heart rent free. I’d even make him soup if he’d ask.

Wang YiBo: WELL HOLY SHIT. listen. LISTEN! the hype around him is 100% justified imo he really is That Bitch and I love him so so much for it. Fucking ICON

Honorary Mentions: Gender Envy

Here’s to the People I Thought I Had A Crush On But Not Quite until I learned the word Gender Envy:

Zhu YiLong: Man, this is the person who’s mainly responsible for me finding out AT ALL about not being entirely cis. The POWER he holds!!! His performance as Ye Zun in Guardian was like a breakthrough point for me which. certain people witnessed in real time hahaha oh I love this fandom!!

Zhu ZanJin: HIM. AAAH!! He’s literally so beautiful and whenever I see him I just go ZANZAN!! in my head and in the tags bc. well. hIM.

Xiao Zhan With Long Hair: Look, Xiao Zhan is always amazing but BLESS the person who made these manips. I can finally rest.

Wang YiBo: uhh what’s he doing here again?? Tbh YiBo is one of the few, if not the only person that gives me Major Gender Envy that I would also [redacted] if they asked. Do I want to be him or be with him? The answer is Yes.

I skipped the fictional characters bc I tend not to crush on them 👉👈 Instead I will just directly crush on the actors/actresses lol!

Thank you for bearing with me. As a prize, you can choose between a ladder supported forehead kiss, or a bowl of homemade soup. ❤

[nyerus]

i have reread tgcf for 2 times alr but there has been this one thought in my mind for quite some time and i was wondering if you can share your thoughts on this : why did dianxia fall in love with his hua cheng? (thank you in advance for answering

Sorry for taking so long to answer Anon! I wanted to do right by this question (and also I've been studying--or, attempting to.... And of course Fafa's birthday and all)! Giant answer ahead.

So I think first we need to break down the very philosophical question of what "love" is. I don't want to get too deep into that, but fundamentally: love is emotional intimacy which is built upon the pillars of affection, respect, loyalty, and trust.

Speaking strictly from Xie Lian's side, he feels all of this towards Hua Cheng. To him, Hua Cheng is someone trustworthy and reliable. Hua Cheng is also someone who makes him laugh, and is an equal (in terms of both skill and intellect) with whom he can hold a deep conversation on just about any topic of their choosing. Hua Cheng in return respects him, trusts him, never belittles him. They communicate well, and have similar viewpoints and temperaments. Personality wise, they are good compliments rather than being direct opposites.

Basically, Hua Cheng is someone with whom Xie Lian feels safe--physically and emotionally.

This is sort of what... most people looking for love are after, simply put.

Xie Lian also tells us what he really wants in book 3: for someone to know his everything (his past and all the things he's gone through), and for that person to not judge him. For that person to see him for who he is, and still be able to love him regardless.

But Xie Lian is not the type of person who would actually reveal the horrors of his past to anyone, so he is sort of working against himself here. There is a part of Xie Lian who feels that he is unloveable, and more over, unworthy of love because of what he has done. Even so, he yearns for it anyway. A beautiful dream that he thinks he could never have.

How serendipitous for him that there happens to be someone (Hua Cheng) who actually DOES know his Everything, and loves every part of him. Including all the ugly bits Xie Lian wishes he could erase! Hua Cheng loves Xie Lian in exactly the way Xie Lian has always hoped for: completely, and without judgement.

"What matters is you and not the state of you." That's the crux of their relationship, after all.

This, combined with how Hua Cheng teats Xie Lian kindly, and makes him laugh--well. How do you NOT fall in love with someone like that?

I haven't even talked about the fact that Xie Lian is also very much sexually attracted to Hua Cheng right from the start. We can't discount that. His appearance, his demeanor, etc. It's a direct hit to all of Xie Lian's weak points, and it definitely lowers his guard. Hua Cheng and the (very specific) vibe he gives off is exactly Xie Lian's type. The courteous bad boy with a heart of gold. ;)

While they do have many differences, Xie Lian still feels like he and Hua Cheng are kindred spirits. He even identifies that Hua Cheng has his own insecurities and sense of loneliness, to which Xie Lian relates.

Xie Lian also respects and cherishes Hua Cheng in return. He knows that while Hua Cheng may have some extreme methods, the ghost king is ultimately fair. Xie Lian knows of Hua Cheng's many accomplishments and he's quite in awe of this. In short, he also finds Hua Cheng to be an amazing person--someone he genuinely wants to spend time with.

Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are also both the type to love with their whole heart, with no room for anyone else. They just work really well together.

So to reiterate the earlier question: how do you NOT fall in love with someone who understands you, makes you feel happy and safe, and who cherishes you tenderly? Who also happens to match your skill and intellect level, shares your viewpoints, is absolutely gorgeous, and to top it all off--very clearly has a thing for you too?

TLDR; Mutual affection, respect, loyalty, and trust. Mix it all up to get stellar chemistry, and you have a recipe for love. By this, it’s easy to see why Xie Lian would fall so deeply and irreversibly for his Hua Cheng!

Thank you so much for sending this ask, I know I kinda got carried away because Hualian just makes me like that! xD

If anyone else has asks about TGCF, please do send them in!

ﾟ+｡:.ﾟヽ(*´∀`)ﾉﾟ.:｡+ﾟ

[mousehole5000]

more tgcf chapters 143-173 lets goooooo

PEI MING BOO HISS except actually okay he’s mostly funny i think but still boo hiss

“hey who’s this guy who’s really pissed at you?” “oh thats my sword. i broke it.” alright then!

i think i need to go back and reread the banyue pass arc bc im still confused as to whats going on with banyue and pei su

“Banyue dropped from the sky with two pots raised. Without a word, she plummeted with the mouths of the pots facing down, trapping and detaining the shocked Ming’guang and the roaring Ke Mo within.” - THATS MY GIRL

“It must be known that, to heavenly officials, it certainly was more than natural for kingdoms of the mortal realm to fight and annihilate one another; the acts of these plays progressing on endlessly. But when it came their own turn, it was often hard to let things go. If one must stand in the same court as the one who annihilated their own kingdom, and that man cavorted in the heavens, exceedingly flashy, then it must be vexing.” - hmmmm!!

“I’ve spoken too many words in this lifetime. What are you referring to?” - okay to be fair thats a mood

okay its nice to get some pei ming backstory and its funny that he and xie lian are bonding but also still whenever pei ming interacts with a female character my hackles rise like a cat lol

“Xie Lian watched as Banyue thought really hard before cheerfully pulling out a few long, wine-red scorpion-snakes, and putting them into the bubbling pot.” - THATS MY GIRL

“Although “smell” was something colourless and formless, the instant Banyue removed the pot cover, it was as if some mysterious physical object had twisted all the air around the mouth of that pot. The group stared at the sight within the pot for a long time. Their pupils reflected an endless, bottomless darkness; like it could pull them into the abyss. No words could describe the sentiment expressed within their eyes. A moment later, Xie Lian patted Banyue’s shoulder and gave a thumbs-up.” - like father-figure like daughter-figure. amazing.

“However, what if one day mortals discovered something completely new that ran faster than horses? Then, when this new invention overtook horses, worshippers of this heavenly official who controlled horses would inevitably decrease. Such heavenly officials, flashing by like shooting stars, made up the majority of the heavens.” - obsessed with this, genuinely. life and change. worship and its purpose. my religious studies diploma on my wall is screaming at me rn. ALSO i am once again thinking about celebrities

“...” It was only then that Pei Ming seemed to notice, and started to contemplate this question. A moment later, he answered, “A habit. In a dark, creepy place like this, isn’t it normal to hold women in your arms, to comfort them and calm their fears?” “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t scared,” Banyue said.” - BANYUE I LOVE YOU. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH. god this takes me back to every college party i ever went to

LING WEN BACKSTORY????? shoeseller chosen for godhood bc she wrote a political essay and got arrested...... and now she’s face to face with the official who appointed her..... do go on.....

“Ling Wen laughed out loud, seeming to be enraged, and her voice dropped. “Very well! You said I couldn’t reach that high. Then, might I ask you: had the prominence of the Palace of Jing Wen at its peak ever reached even the knees of my Palace of Ling Wen??” - GET HIM!!!! BOO HISS JING WEN

“Compared to you, I’m not that bad,” Ling Wen said. “You’d personally order me to stay in the Palace of Jing Wen until midnight, then turn around and say I shamelessly hang around ‘til late to harass you. Words murder without form; I was much nicer responding with blatant violence.” - ling wen im love you..... also this bit... feels Real

BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN BLOOD RAIN!! FLOWER PETALS TRANSFORMATION!!! see hua cheng? look as how cool it can be when you leave the story for a little while!! bc then you get to return and make an entrance!!

“Not only can you bring forth bloody rain, you can also make flowers shower. I didn’t know that. How fun!” - cute!! and in that moment we were all xie lian

“Everyone was stunned by his deed, and Ling Wen arduously gave him a thumbs-up. ”Ol’ Pei, what a man!” Pei Ming gritted his teeth. “WELCOME!” - aww three two tumors buddies!!

okay yin yu is here and xie lian did the equivalent of asking someone when the baby is due only to find out theyre not pregnant at all. then rong guang taunts yin yu and no one says anything. i do love the amount of awkward moments in this book tbh sometimes there are no words.

“All around was sand and mud crushing at him, exceedingly suffocating. The sand and mud was also moving endlessly; the feeling was like he was swallowed into the stomach of a giant monster, and that monster had also eaten a bunch of other things besides him, tumbling everything in its stomach, trying to digest” - ooooh creepy!!! the red string thing... is cute.... also xie lian being able to see hua cheng’s butterfly vision by looking directly into his eye is kinda cool. and obviously homoerotic.

“Are lower-ranked heavenly officials below other people?” Quan Yizhen asked. “No,” Yin Yu replied. Were they not? It was obvious that he himself didn’t believe in his own words, and Quan Yizhen also noticed. A good while later, he said bluntly, “I don’t like it here.” Yin Yu said nothing.” - im having emotions. and then yin yu also saying he doesnt like it there either.... also idk how this scene is going to play out but as much as im enjoying quan yizhen being an icon i can also possibly see how yin yu could eventually get to the point of “i am tired of being nice. i do just want to go apeshit” even if he really cares about qyz. it happens </3

“Indeed,” Hua Cheng said. “Half a year later when Quan Yizhen actually ascends, he won’t find it so funny anymore.” “Can we watch that part too?” Xie Lian asked. “We can. Hold on,” Hua Cheng replied.” - quan yizhen king of taking things literally. also why did this turn into hualian having a movie night

jian yu seems like the kind of asshole who would purposely give someone regular soda when they specifically asked for diet soda. god yin yu is really having a bad day i really feel for him in the whole situation with the brocade immortal

awww okay at least jian yu tried to take responsibility. im still mad at him tho that was objectively a terrible idea. god this whole situation sucked :(

“Rocks and earth crushed at them from all around, forcing their bodies to press tightly against one another, their faces brushing, their ears warm. Although it wasn’t the right time, a thought flashed through Xie Lian’s mind: “‘To die buried together’ doesn’t feel so bad.” - okay... im kind of emotional.... gay people....

okay obviously these murals and the prince of wuyong have some connection (im guessing pretty direct) to xie lian and are important but everytime they start analyzing one i feel like im back in art history class fhadskfhskjdhf not that thats a bad thing!! i liked art history a lot tbh

“Don’t worry, they’re not human,” Hua Cheng said. “It’s precisely because they’re not human that we have to worry, alright….” Xie Lian thought.” - goth ghost bf problems

xie lian: well, there is one person i trust more than anyone else, someone who’s first in my mind hua cheng, oblivious: oh :/ xie lian, also oblivious: what? hua cheng: you shouldnt trust so easily its dangerous xie lian: oh. haha. yeah. well. wanna,,, know who it is? hua cheng: its :) fine :) it :) doesnt :) matter :) but of course you can tell me if you want to gege xie lian, internally: well now ive made it weird hua cheng, 5 minutes later: actually i need you to tell me. right now. its totally for your security me: gay people smh

“As they suspected, he had been captured by Qi Rong. Although no one was bound by ropes, there were balls of greasily green ghost fires hovering over every one of their heads.” - completely off track but anybody else remember the great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts song

“Could there actually come a day when Qi Rong was embarrassed that someone might see the manner in which he ate? Before Xuan Ji entered, she put Guzi down. Guzi, ta-ta-ta, ran in, rushing straight to Qi Rong’s side. But when he saw him, he pointed his finger. He cried, “Dad is eating bad things in secret again!” “I’m not!” Qi Rong retaliated.” SCREAM IS QI RONG LEARNING THE POWER OF LOVE NOOOO also god that poor man whose body he has im starting to doubt if he’ll ever be free jimmy novak flashbacks

everytime we get another ghost king power somewhere someone should be writing hua cheng the cyborg bf in a high tech futuristic au i think thats the only other potential setting that could truly capture this wild ride

“In truth, throughout history, there was no man in the world who didn’t love bragging. A breeze could blow the handkerchief of a brothel girl into a man’s hand, and he would turn around and say the most beautiful of renowned escorts had fallen in love with him; holding shoes and wiping benches for the emperor’s mistress’s uncle’s grandson’s cousin’s mistress would for sure become him being an important administrator at the residence of royal relatives, raising his status. Thus, men who didn’t brag were a rare species.” - SCREAM this is going in my favorite tgcf quotes folder god... mxtx come here let me shake your hand

read the story of rain master yushi huang’s ascension. why am i crying. also this bit im crying again me with my stuffed animals “Thus, while Yushi Huang was cultivating at the Temple of Yulong, every time when she went to seek water and passed that door, she would rub the head of that ox. The door knocker soaked in her essence of life, and when the Rain Master ascended, the ox ascended with her.”

okay thats enough for now i have 7 more chapters to book 4!!! woo!!!

[hamliet]

MXTX Ladies’ Week: Girls, Goddesses, and Ghosts

After writing about Scum Villain’s female cast here and MDZS’s here, it’s time to write about Heaven Official’s Blessing’s female cast... which is actually smaller than the other two in quantity but imo, in quality, is far greater. Most of the women do not die, and several have fantastic arcs. They’re allowed to be kickass, to make their own decisions, to be morally flawed, to be extremely feminine, to be emotional, to be ugly, and to even be villains--and the whole while, the story depicts them with empathy.

So let’s start with the mortals. This is again more a ramble than a direct meta. 

The Humans:

Me, skipping happily into TGCF, immediately loving one character, and her dying like ten chapters in:

Yes, I’m talking about Xiao Ying. I also realize I said that most of TGCF’s female characters don’t get killed off, so I’m not leading off with a convincing argument (she is the only one who really does). 

Little Ying’s role in the narrative is as a parallel to Xie Lian and a way to introduce the main themes of the story, which her arc encapsulates. A teenage girl who is noted to be physically unattractive, she’s introduced to us praying to Feng Xin for protection. The god who she prays to for protection from whomever is stealing the brides comments cruelly on her appearance, foreshadowing how corrupt heaven is, and Xie Lian quickly realizes that someone has tried to humiliate her already by cutting a hole in the back of her skirt, hinting at the theme of human cruelty and suffering. He is kind to her, and in return, she helps him prepare for his undercover mission to catch the bride thief, showing the the answer to her prayers is through her own work and kindness, and the connections she makes (with Xie Lian in this case).

The reader quickly learns that Little Ying might not be physically beautiful, but she has a beautiful heart, taking care of a scarred ghost who lives in the mountains (Lang Ying). Yet people turn on her and scorn her when she tries to protect Lang Ying, because humanity is often cruel to their own, and an orphan girl who is unattractive is a target. Yet, unlike the rest of the crowd gathered by the house where all the brides have been stolen away to, she wants to help. But her attempts to help, to save everyone, get her killed, and it’s noted that they do not actually help. 

Softly, she said, “I feel as though my entire life, there weren’t many days where I lived happy.”

Xie Lian also didn’t know what to say, and gently patted her hand. Little Ying sighed, “Oh well, forget it. I might just be someone……born unlucky.”

This is something that repeats in Xie Lian’s arc as well: he often winds up hurting where he tried to help (as with Jun Wu, too), and sacrificing oneself is looked at, as it is in MDZS, with nuance in TGCF. Little Ying did not need to die. There’s a futility to human suffering in TGCF: it doesn’t bring a purpose, it isn’t glorious, and it doesn’t always make someone a better or worse person. It just is. 

Yet it’s also worth noting that the story is asking: when society treats you a certain way because of things you cannot help, such as gender, appearance, and economic status, what power do you have to decide your fate? The answer is what brings comfort to Little Ying in her last minutes: she’s not alone. Xie Lian stays with her as she dies. Little Ying, too, made an effort to make sure others were not alone (Lang Ying). Suffering is unbearable, but if you’re not alone, there is comfort. 

The Demons: 

Two of the demon ladies are fantastic deconstructions of female character stereotypes: the crazed ex (Xuan Ji) and the evil seductress (Jian Lan).  

(remember this meme? it plays into the crazy ex trope too)

Xuan Ji is the scorned woman who murders brides to vent her frustration at the world (and at Pei Ming, the lover who abandoned her). She is Little Ying’s counterpart in the first arc, in that while Little Ying is a Xie Lian parallel, Xuan Ji is a parallel to our main antagonist, Bai WuXiang, in that she’s determined to take out her misfortune on literally everyone around her. But she is in genuine pain, which the novel takes care to note:

Under her long hair, her tears started to fall as she said, “I’ve waited for him for centuries, what important matter does he have? Back then, in order to see me, he would cross half of the border in a single night, so what important matter could he have now? So important that he wouldn’t even be willing to see me once? An important matter? He doesn’t actually have one, right?”

It’s not portraying Pei Ming as a poor sad victim here; on the contrary, his treatment of Xuan Ji is condemned. She betrayed her army for him, and he doesn’t like her because, in many ways, he comes across as a chauvinist (at first. This is later unpacked too, but that’s for another meta). 

 “General Pei does not like strong-minded women, and Xuan Ji’s natural disposition is strong-willed. This is why they could not stay together for long. General Xuan Ji was unwilling to let go, so she said to General Pei that she was willing make sacrifices and change herself. Thus, she voluntarily abolished her martial arts and broke her own two legs. In this way, she did the equivalent of breaking both her wings and tying herself to General Pei. Despite all this, General Pei didn’t abandon her. He took her in and looked after her, yet, he still wouldn’t take her as his wife. Because General Xuan Ji’s long-cherished wish could not be fulfilled, she killed herself in hate. Not for any other reason, but only to make General Pei feel sad and aggrieved.

Again, harming yourself for the sake of someone else is not presented as a good thing in TGCF. The story does a good job of pointing out that both sides can be at fault; there isn’t a black and white, one is evil and the other good situation in the story. Because Xuan Ji then won’t give up and makes it her mission to torture and humiliate Pei Ming, which she does the former and tries for the latter on numerous occasions. Yet the conclusion to their arc is Pei Ming finally telling her: 

...it was Pei Ming who abandoned Xuan Ji first, this female ghost also killed countless after, trying to kill them time and time again... looking like this, she was a little pitiful.

Pei Ming looked back at her, and in the end, he only said, “Xuan Ji, it’s time you wake up.” 

“Wake up what.” Xuan Ji was confused.

“That you’ve become this way, I’m part of the reason, but a majority of it is by your own decisions. You’ve done so much but you can only move your own heart, I’m a steel-hearted man. Rather than love me, why don’t you go love yourself.” 

He yanked back his robes from Xuan Ji’s hold, and left without looking back.

It’s not that he’s innocent in how he treated her (he isn’t), and it’s not that Xuan Ji’s pain isn’t real, but what we do with our suffering is the pivot on which everyone’s character arc in TGCF swings, and so just as Pei Ming finally decides to take responsibility for his actions, so does Xuan Ji. And after she finally lets go of her resentment, she is able to dissipate and leave the world, entering into a reincarnation cycle.

Jian Lan is originally portrayed to us as Lan Cheng, a vulgar-tongued prostitute who is the mother of a demonic murdering ghost baby, CuoCuo. Yet eventually the reader finds out she was actually a potential concubine for Xie Lian and, after the kingdom of Xian Le fell, she became a prostitute, and CuoCuo is actually the son of Feng Xin, one of Xie Lian’s best friends. Feng Xin promises to take care of them, but Jian Lan tells Xie Lian this in the end:

"having Cuo Cuo is enough for me. Who hasn’t made promises or swore to the mountains and the seas when they were young? Talking of affection, of love, of forevers. But, the longer I hung around in the world, the more I understand, something like ‘forever’ is impossible. It’s never going to be possible. Having it once was already good enough. No one can truly achieve it. I don’t believe in it anymore.”

It’s not that the story wants to imply that forever really isn’t possible (Hua Cheng and Xie Lian’s relationship counters this), but it also doesn’t invalidate Jian Lan’s choice. 

“What you’ve said are all things of the past. What was love once doesn’t mean it’ll last. To be a charity case and a nuisance, I’m not interested.” 

“Why would he think you both a nuisance?” Xie Lian asked, “Don’t you know the kind of person Feng Xin is?” 

“You, His Highness the Crown Prince, you have never lived the common life, so of course you’d think things are that simple. He won’t now, and he won’t on the surface either. But once time gets dragged out, then nothing could be sure.

It’s her choice, and her choice not to risk trying love with Feng Xin again is respected by the narrative. Her choice parallels Xuan Ji’s, but unlike Xuan Ji, Jian Lan’s problem was never that she cared too much about a cast-off lover, but that she did not want to tell said lover the truth. Now that she has, her choices and her freedom to decide her fate remain. She too is not alone: she has her son. 

The last demonic ghost character is Ban Yue, another Xie Lian parallel. She is an orphan girl, mistreated, and later a high priestess of Banyue. She states Xie Lian’s words “I, too want to save the world,” and says that she took his teachings to heart. 

She’s noted to be very lonely, and after Xie Lian “died” saving her, she finds someone to cling to in Pei Su (Pei Ming’s descendent). Once they find out the kingdom of Banyue plans to destroy the city itself and everyone around it, Ban Yue opens the gates for Pei Su to slaughter everyone in the city--but at least the people outside it will survive. It’s a complex moral decision that doesn’t have an easy answer. 

“You also said, ‘Do what you think is right!’” Ban Yue told him.

‘....what… nonsense! … Why did I keep saying those kinds of things… I’m nothing like that at all… am I??’ Xie Lian thought.

“But, I don’t know what’s right anymore.” Ban Yue said.

Xie Lian froze.

Ban Yue’s sulky voice buzzed from the pot, “I thought I was doing the right thing, but in the end it was me who opened the gates that let in the enemy who slaughtered my people... But if I didn’t open the gates, the Banyue people would terrorize the Midlands and hurt more people... I really wanted to do well as the Head Priestess. But, not only did I opened the gates, I killed them, and refused them human flesh. If they didn’t feed on human flesh they’d suffer, and I couldn’t relieve them of that suffering... It’s like no matter what I did, the result was going to be bad... I know I didn’t do things right, but can you tell me, where did I go wrong?” 

Hearing her question, Xie Lian rubbed the back of his neck and said slowly, “I’m sorry, Ban Yue. The answer to that question, I’d not known it back then, and now… I don’t think I know the answer now either.”

The thing is, if Xie Lian hadn’t gotten himself “killed” saving her, the gates wouldn’t have been opened. Yet, if he didn’t sacrifice himself, she would be dead. There isn’t a right or a wrong choice; it’s complex morally. It also foreshadows what will happen in Book 2, when a flashback reveals to us that Xie Lian himself learned the hard way that there isn’t always a way to save everyone through the fall of his kingdom Xian Le. 

The Goddesses: 

My favorite female character in TGCF is YuShi Huang, or the Princess who Slit Her Throat. She’s not dead though; she’s a goddess whose quick thinking saved her family’s kingdom. She’s a Xie Lian parallel in that she is a laughingstock; Pei Ming is noted to have led a siege against her kingdom and have mocked her cruelly in her life. However, YuShi Huang, being the youngest of sixteen children, become the unlikely heir who saves her father and her kingdom, and later will grow to save those who laugh at her. 

She has a kind, self-sacrificing personality like Xie Lian, but she does warn Xie Lian when she helps him by lending him her spiritual device to give his kingdom water that rain is a limited resource, and there’s only so much that he can do. She’s in other words a mite wiser than Xie Lian is at this point--if Little Ying can be seen as him in his childlike stage, trying to save everyone, and Ban Yue as his adolescent phase of character development when he’s started to question, then YuShi Huang can be seen as his parallel once he matures--which is why the reveal of just who the Lord Rain Master is comes very late in the story. Her wisdom is used to save and to heal what she can (such as smuggling Hua Cheng to Xie Lian), but she knows she cannot do everything. 

She also foils Xuan Ji, in that both are from YuShi and were treated cruelly by Pei Ming in life. However, she ultimately saves Pei Ming several times, and when Xuan Ji passes on, she performs a passing service for the ghost. Pei Ming’s subsequent... embarrassment (schoolboy crush? It’s kinda questionable based on the explicit parallels with Xuan Ji, and Xuan Ji’s outright accusations of him liking her in dialogue with him) over how YuShi Huang saved him is also rather amusing. 

Aaaand then there’s the other goddess. Ling Wen has the distinction of being the only complex MXTX character I struggle to like. (Jun Wu used to be on this list but. Writing him helped me like him. Not so much with Ling Wen--but I do think she’s a well done character so please note that my dislike is purely my personal opinion and not an accusation of narrative failing nor an implication that anyone should not stan her (by all means, do so!))

She’s a Jun Wu parallel in many ways, which is why she’s the only god who winds up on his side even after all he’s done comes to light. Her role in a corrupt and sexist court is also not unsympathetic: she’s often worshipped in her male form, so she adopts it, she was mistreated by the literature god before her, and she’s angry about it (every woman who’s seen men get promoted ahead of them in an office can feel this on a--hem--spiritual level). Her anger is justified, and it’s hilarious how the Upper Court cannot actually function without her and so her punishment for her crimes essentially amounts to “please just do your job.” 

She’s also only character who does not have a close relationship with anyone, and this is almost certainly deliberate in response to the unfairness and the sexism and cruelty of the world and how it treats her, as a woman. She tells Xie Lian: 

“Something like a genuine heart is made to be trampled...”

After a long silence, Xie Lian said, “You said ‘similar to him’. So, was General Bai Jing like this too?” 

Ling Wen smiled lightly, “Why else would he be deceived by me?” 

...

Xie Lian said, “… you wanted to help General Bai Jing in becoming a Supreme, and have him wake to his senses, right?” 

Ling Wen gave a small laugh, “Your highness, don’t say it like I would do anything for him. After all, I’m cold-blooded and recognized no loved ones, so why would I do anything like that?” 

Her closest relationship is with the Brocade Immortal Bai Jing, someone she transformed into an object. But if, as Xie Lian implies, she wanted to awaken Bai Jing again, it may imply that she might be lonely and long for connection after all, even if she is afraid to take the risks involved in human connection. Hopefully she’ll be able to connect again, now that the gods are incredibly grateful to her for doing the job none of them could do. Like Jun Wu, she has a chance. 

[theircrazyfandoms]

This week I’m fairly sure I read a lot more fic. While school and work have both kept me incredibly busy when I get free time (early in the morning or really late at night) I would relax by reading fic. As a multi-fandom person I usually read fics from multiple fandoms but this past week I went kinda crazy. 

However, Sunday I finally decided I would dive into the Sherlock fandom. Specifically johnlock. I think over a year ago I might have read a brief fic about these two but never really dived too deep into the fandom. Even though I kinda peaked at shipped them when watching the BBC show. I feel like next week I am going to have a lot more Sherlock fics. 

STAR TREK (TOS/AOS)

🔹️ 𝘾𝘼𝙎𝙏 𝙊𝙐𝙏 𝙁𝙀𝘼𝙍 [AO3] by 𝙨0𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙥𝙧0𝙨𝙨𝙚𝙣 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: James ‘Jim’ Kirk x Spock 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | Mature | 7 Chapters | 42.3K Words | PTSD

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: Kirk saves Vulcan from Nero at high cost to himself. It falls to Spock to pick up the pieces.

𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘚: I haven’t read a spirk fic like this where Kirk ended up saving Vulcan. We get to see him deal with the PTSD from being tortured and how Spock begins to see the real Kirk. Definitely a must read!

🔹️ 𝙒𝙀 𝙃𝘼𝙑𝙀 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙏𝙊𝙐𝘾𝙃𝙀𝘿 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙎𝙏𝘼𝙍𝙎 [AO3] by 𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙫𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: James ‘Jim’ Kirk x Spock 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 7K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: Sometimes they’ll also ask him why he hasn’t gone out and chased hi soulbond yet.

Jim will point to the sky and say, “The moon’s always there, babe. Don’t need to go chasin’ after her.” 

It is January, year 2063. Humanity has quietly achieved interstellar travel, and Jim Kirk’s soulbond stretches into the stars.

𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘚: I love soulmate au’s and the au that spirk are the first to make contact. An amazing twist! Though, we need more first contact spirk fics.

🔹️ 𝙑𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙈𝙎 𝙊𝙁 𝙒𝘼𝙍 [AO3] by 𝙏-𝙝𝙖𝙞-𝙡𝙖 (𝘾𝙖𝙢𝙢𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙡) [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: James ‘Jim’ Kirk x Spock 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 12.7K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: As Vulcans settled bases on Earth, as the war began, what was a timid relationship became volatile almost in a single moment. 

Not one day passed that Spock did not think of the blue-eyes boy and the love and companionship they shared. Bonded for life to a Terran, he welcomed himself to isolation from others emotionally. As he grew, he refused to allow himself to hold out any hope that Jim was still alive, not when the Terran body count continued to rise.

ONCE UPON A TIME

🔹️ 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙁𝙄𝙑𝙀 𝙏𝙄𝙈𝙀𝙎 [AO3] by 𝙜𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙛𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙤𝙨 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Peter Pan x Wendy Darling 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 4.3K Words | Unhealthy Relationship

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: The five times she wanted to leave and the one time she didn’t. 

(The five times he didn’t let her go and the one time he did.) 

𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘚: I’ve always been fascinating by dark!Peter and through this fic we get to see how possessive and obsessed he is with Wendy. Taking a turn on the Poriginal Peter pan. It’s definetely not a healthy relationship (even though I put them as a pairing) but we get to see how Peter deals with those he loves (if thats what you can call it).

HEAVEN OFFICIAL’S BLESSING (TIAN GUAN CI FU)

🔹️ 𝙋𝙀𝙍𝙁𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙀𝘿 𝘽𝙔 𝙏𝙍𝙄𝘼𝙇 [AO3] by 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙘𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙣 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Hua Cheng/San Lang x Xie Lian 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 8.5K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: Hua Cheng has wanted Dianxia for so long he doesn’t know how to survive knowing that Dianxia is his at long last. Worse still, Dianxia doesn’t seem to have any interest in consummating their relationship, leaving Hua Cheng in the  mdist of his greatest trial yet; keeping his lust from consuming them whole. 

But a gem cannot be polished without friction nor a man perfected without trials - and after everything, Hua Chen will not let this trial be the one that defeats him.

🔹️ 𝙎𝙐𝘼𝙉𝙅𝙄𝘼𝙉𝙂 [AO3] by 𝙨𝙞𝙡𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙘𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙣 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Hua Cheng/San Lang x Xie Lian 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 11K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: When Xie Lian wakes up to Hua Cheng’s female form, he doesn’t know what to do. When he finally gives into his desire to touch her, he doesn’t know what to do. When he decides that the only solution is to seek a female form of his own...

They figure out what to do together.

𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘚: An amazing fic where we get to not only discover San Lang’s female form but Xie Lian’s as well! Never really thought much about their female forms before this but I would enjoy reading more now!

🔹️ 𝘽𝙐𝙏 𝘼 𝙆𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙄𝘿𝙊𝙎𝘾𝙊𝙋𝙀 [AO3] by 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙚 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Hua Cheng/San Lang x Xie Lian 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 10.9K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: Hua Cheng has always given everything he is to Xie Lian. For once, Xie Lian wants him to be selfish so Xie Lian can give something back.

𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘚: A beautiful fic where San Lang learns to be selfish with Xie Lian (aka the type of fic that I’ve been dying to read and was not disappointed in).

🔹️ 𝘼 𝙇𝙄𝙏𝙏𝙇𝙀 𝘽𝙄𝙏 𝙇𝙊𝙎𝙏 (𝙒𝙄𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙐𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐) [AO3] by 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙚 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Hua Cheng/San Lang x Xie Lian 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 4.3K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: When Xie Lian is hurt, Hua Cheng keeps his hands to himself in penance. Xie Lian, however, insists on finding a resolution. After all - only a God should punish their most beloved worshipper. 

𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘚: A fic I needed to read! I can definitely see this as canon because San Lang would definetely punish himself is his Dianxia got injured. Of course, we all know Xie Lian wouldn’t agree. 

GRANDMASTER OF DEMONIC CULTIVATION (MO DAO ZU SHI)

🔹️ 𝘽𝙇𝙐𝙀 𝘽𝙐𝙍𝙉𝙎 𝙔𝙊𝙐𝙍 𝘾𝘼𝙉𝘿𝙇𝙀 [AO3] by 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙚 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Lan Zhan/Lan Wangji x Wei Ying/Wei Wuxian 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 4.3K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: Wei Ying has been dwelling too much on the past so Lan Zhan roots him to the present.

🔹️ 𝘼𝙎 𝙒𝙀 𝘼𝙍𝙀 [AO3] by 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙚 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Lan Zhan/Lan Wangji x Wei Ying/Wei Wuxian 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 3.2K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: At Lotus Pier, Lan Zhan is coaxed by Wei Ying into hunting pheasants, but discovers a new silver of Wei Ying’s past instead.

🔹️ 𝙐𝙉𝘿𝙔𝙄𝙉𝙂 [AO3] by 𝙨𝙮𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙨 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Lan Zhan/Lan Wangji x Wei Ying/Wei Wuxian 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 6 Chapters | 24.5K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: Before he broke the Stygian Tiger Seal in two, he took one last look at his wrist. Everlasting, it said. Even after everything, his other half still considered their love everlasting.

Wi WuXian murmured a quiet apology to the soulmate he hd never met and then he unleashed an unholy nightmare.

𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘚: I’m back at it again with the soulmate aus and this is one of the best soulmate mark aus I have read. Plus, we get to see Wei Ying deal with a little bit of PTSD from his former life. (Also, I have no clue how the author managed to pick the soulmarks so well. They could not have done a better job!) 

Also, THIS is another fic I read this week which is apart continuation of this story. Wei Ying finds out about Lan Zhan’s scars.

BBC’s SHERLOCK

🔹️ 𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙀𝙍𝙉𝙀𝙏 𝙄𝙎 𝙉𝙊𝙏 𝙅𝙐𝙎𝙏 𝙁𝙊𝙍 𝙋𝙊𝙍𝙉 [AO3] by 𝙘𝙮𝙚𝙧𝙪𝙨 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Sherlock Holmes x John Watson 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 1 Chapter | 1.9K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: John is Sherlock’s internet boyfriend - from CANADA.

No one thinks he’s real.

𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘚: So... I kind of dived into the Sherlock fandom and loved this oneshot about johnlock meeting online. It’s especially funny because no one believes Sherlock can get a boyfriend.

🔹️ 𝙇𝙀𝙁𝙏 [AO3] by 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙨 [AO3]

𝘗𝘈𝘐𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎: Sherlock Holmes x John Watson 𝘛𝘈𝘎𝘚: Complete | 9 Chapters | 45.2K Words

𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘔𝘈𝘙𝘠: John Watson is left-handed.

He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible.

𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘔𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘚: Wow! Was not expecting this when I first clicked because of the interesting summary. It’s a knack au where everyone has some kind of knack or ability and it blends so well into the original storyline (with the added bonus of johnlock)! It quickly became an all-time fav!