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egophiliac · 1 year ago

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new chapter 7 installment dropped how we feelin????

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

THAT'S HIS DAD

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #BABY DRAGON BABY DRAGON BABY DRAGON #i will take three thank you #god. lilia really has no idea how incredibly loved he is huh.#meleanor: (dies to protect him and her son)#malleus: (is literally born having a huge destructive tantrum because he wants lilia back)#silver: (bases his entire life and personality around how much he loves his dad)#lilia: wow i just can't understand why everyone is so upset about me dying #(somehow sebek ended up being the most normal about him and there's the most unexpected part)#man i really gotta redo lilia's um poster. i wasn't super happy with it to begin with but now there's like. fun shapes and context!#me: ha ha why is his magic called that. that's so weird.#me later: o-oh. oh i see.#SPEAKING OF SEBEK THOUGH there he is! THERE HE IS!#i was so afraid the armor was going to be a bad thing but NO he earned it!#he shook out his hair and turned out to have been beautiful all along!#episode 7 is about two things and two things only: dads and significant hair moments #and also speaking of dads!#i am taking lilia mistaking malleus for revaan based on his voice #as one more tick in the 'if crowley is revaan then there's going to have to be a really good explanation' column #the dulcet tones of dire crowley...#on the other hand if crowley tears off his mask and immediately starts sounding like malleus that would be THE funniest way to do it #auuuggghhhhh it's only been out for hours and already i'm like next part when #we've been cliffhanger'd again lads #idia finally came back to us and they were like 'please wait for the next release :)'#ortho did...did you somehow hack your way into silver's dream palace

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ryllen · 1 year ago

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[ But i wish, the '"interesting" him' I am talking to right now, Hold some part of truth of the 'true him'. ]

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( a bit of thought after seeing their 2 interactions on x & x )

#i only just started to play the game; trey senpai loves me so much his different cards kept coming to me; even my first SSR is him #i don't know this ends up very long which probably doesn't make sense in the end #twst #twisted wonderland #treyjade #trey clover #jade leech #fanart #i remember seeing one strip about trey finding his strawberries bitten #and he thought it was some pest & went to get pesticide #but then he found jade later nibbling on them fshd #i love them so much ............#they are my top comfort ship rn #OH GOD I REMEMBER the strip where trey found jade sketching on plants on botanical garden & complimented his drawing #and then jade be like DRAW ME! DRAW ME!#AND IT WAS LITERALLY THE UGLIEST THING TREY COULD EVER SCRIBBLED (not really bcs he is just bad at DRAWING in general *crying)#BUT JADE TREASURES IT WITH HIS LIFE LIKE IT'S EVERYTHING HE COULD EVER ASK FOR #FSHDSH #I LOVE THEEEEEM!!!!!!!!!!!!#I couldn't create something for them to that adorable level but hngghhh....... i love them o(-<

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sluckythewizard · 7 months ago

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[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.

#cw gore #WEEEE WHIPPING OUT ALL MY BELOVED PIXEL HORROR GAME SOUNDTRACKS FOR THIS ONE #STILL A WIP #SORTA. FORKSFORKSFORKS INSPIRED ME TO START WORKIN AT IT AGAIN. AND NOW IT LIVES. IT LIIIVEESS!!!#MOSLT.Y ATLEAST. I MIGHT MESS W IT MORE LATER. WE SHALL SEE. ANYWAY GABRIEL MONTEZ HUH. WOW POOR GUY #THERES A FASCINATING FEELING THAT COMES WITH BEING ON A OPERATING TABLE.AND BEING IN IMMENSE PAIN #ONE OF MY FONDEST MEMORIES IS LAYING ON A DENTIST CHAIR. SHAKING AND INVOLUNTARILY CRYING AFTER MANY MANY #NEEDLES TO MY THE MOUTH. I METABOLIZE THE NUMBING STUFF QUICKLY APPARENTLY. THEY NEEDED ALOT OF NUMBING SHOTS #BUT I WASNT AFRAID OR DISTRESSED. THE DENTIST WAS VERYVERY NICE AND ALSO UH. PRETTY. BUT THATS BESIDE THE POINT #THE POINT IS. THAT IT WAS FASCINATING TO REALIZE MY PHYSICAL RESPONSE TO PAIN UNDER A CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT #I DIDNT KNOW HOW EASY IT WAS TO SHAKE AND TO CRY PRYVIOUS TO THAT EXPERIENCE.MY DENTAL ADVENTURES CONTINUE #THEY CONTINUE TO HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT ITS LIKE FOR PAIN TO BOIL AWAY THE TIME. TO DISTORT THE PASSING HOURS AND CONSUME EVERY THOUGHT #DO YOU REMEMBER PAIN? THE MOST SEVERE PAIN IN YOUR LIFE? NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE RED LIGHTS? RED LIGHTS AND SHIFTING FIGURES #NOW WILL YOU IMAGINE PAIN UNRELENTING.PAIN WORLD SHATTERING.PAIN IMMORTAL.CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING PULLED APART #THE HUMAN MIND CAN ONLY WITHSTAND SO MUCH PAIN BEFORE IT SHUTS DOWN AND HIDES.IT NEEDS TO PROTECT ITSELF AFTERALL. PAIN CAN ALTER #PAIN SHIFTS THE CHEMISTY OF THE MIND OF THE FLESH OF THE SOUL. FOR HUMANS ATLEAST. BUT YOU ARE NO LONGER HUMAN #YOU CHOSE OTHERWISE DIDNT YOU BOY.BECAUSE YOU WANTED MORE.STATUS.POWER.APPROVAL.SECURITY.SAFET.Y.#OHHH YOU CAN WITHSTAND THE PAIN FOR THAT. FOR ALL THAT. YOU WERENT TOLD THERE WOULD BE PAIN BUT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WERE PROMISED.#ITS ALL WORTH IT IN THE END. NOW LETS JUST HOPE SOME BLONDE TWERP DOESNT PROVE TO BE STRONGER THAN THE STRONGEST PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE #LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. LETS HOPE NO ONE FUCKS THIS UP. I LOST MY TRAIN O THOUGHT #anyway dawww poorr gabeee that shit probably huuurrrrtttss but so much time has passed that your body got tired of screaming and squirming #why havnt you passed out yet? maybe you might as well have at this point. like sleeping with your eyes open and your nerves awake #OH HEY FUNFACT ABT THE ART. I FOUGHT W IT ALOT. TOOK A LONG WHILE FOR ME TO BE REMOTELY HAPPY W THIS.#i was thinking abt pixel horror video games when i made it.just as i do with all great things ofc ofc #i love you pixel horror game i love yooouuuuu.i struggled so much w the colors for so LONNGG UHGHGHGH but im finally happy...im finally fre

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tkbrokkoli · 1 month ago

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i thought arthur finally got a rly good night's sleep but turns out this was just the beginning of a nightmare full of The Horrors

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deus-ex-mona · 3 months ago

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if the trope works, it ✨works✨ y’know~

#(aka chizuchan manga ch5 is coming out in 18 1/2 hours and im too excited to sleeeeep)#(s o im reading rofan isekai manhwa as a bedtime story☆ but the story is too interesting to lull me to sleep☆ ✨sad times✨)#still thinking about this rofan webnovel i binged over the weekend with a dynamic like this^#the dude pined for over a hundred chapters before going from 0-100 the moment they were in an enclosed space together it was so funny #the fact that his interest in her started bc she gave him tips on tax evasion was iconic tbhhh #m a n i cant forget that dumb biscotti boi no matter what i do… that novel was pretty good and it had reasons™️ for why the fl was so op…#thinking about them and their hilarious dynamic again kinda makes me want to see lxl in a rofan setting tbh #they’d have the pettiest of arguments esp in a ‘formal’ nobles setting #i d o kinda have a draft/stuff for a lxl villainess isekai au fic… but i think it’d be too sad if they dont un-isekai themselves back #so i havent done much with it… hm. maybe some day…#b u t on another note fanart of meoto rofan aus are always fun to see #their costumes are so complex yet the artists always draw them so beautifully… thank you for the food lxl twt #but… demon x human sacrifice is. lowkey. kinda… beauty & the beast-esque… right…?#except for how demon!aizo prolly wasnt cursed into demonhood. but. still.#oh well… maybe that’s enough rofan lxl thoughts for one day… see y’all when chizuchan ch5 drops later~~~~~~

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luck-of-the-drawings · 11 months ago

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OOH YEAH BABY! PARTY TIME BABY! MUSIC! DRINKS! SOCIAL PRESSURE & A PSYCHEDELIC BREAK DOWN! WELCOME TO VAMPIRE SOCIETY MOTHERFUCKER! ARE YOU SCARED? DO YOU UNDERSTAND YET? ITS OKAY IF NOT. FIRE DISSOLVED IT! ITS ALL GONE NOW. HAVE FUN!

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #jrwi suckening spoilers #RRAAHH IM IN LOVE WITH THIS SHOW SOOO GOODDAMN MUCH!! each o these characters has STOLEN my HEART!!!#LIKE EMIZEEELLL i love emizel so much.. runnin around announcing that HE isa PRINCE while shiloh FINALLY quietly clicks the pieces together #nathan hanover you MADMAN!!! that slow dramatic guitar riff as emizel makes that announcement was so fuckin COOL UGHHHH #MR HANOVER DOES IT AGAIN just creating tracks that absoultely WORM into my MIND and HHEAARRT UUGHHGHH #emizel is so cool and so funny and so adorable UUGHH ill gush abt him more when i finally post my emizel n soda doodle page #ARTHUR FUCKING BENNET. i totally get why grizz has a hard time playing him. hes cool and stoic n its not easy to play a man o little words #BUT BBOOOY DOES HE DO IT WELL!! arthur DOES come off as so stoic n cool & it just makes his lil misfortunes all the more charming #like falling into the red fear or confrontin edward twilight or accidentally doing lsd. I LOVE THATS HES THE BAD LUCK GUY.#okay uhhu uhh i have limited room here what else should i say uhh. THE NPCS. MY GOD THE NPCS. CHARLIE U WONDERFUL MADMAN #edward twilight is SUCH a funny fucking antagonist. and supposedly his magic stuff is super scary?? SO EXCITED TO SEE MORE OF THAT #ill ramble abt mr deacon keller later eheh i have a. uh. a doodle page in the works. so in the meantime DAYBRINGER SOLOMON!!#“HERE COMES THE SUN MOTHERFUCKER!” “ILL SEE YOU IN HELL. NOT. IM GOING TO HEAVEN. BITCH.” like come on now. oh my god. i need him #BIG POWERFUL BEAST AND EVERY WORD HE SAYS HAS ME CRACKING UP. THE MUFFLED VOICE IN THE DARK BROKEN BY “LIGHT!”#TRULY HILARIOUS AND YET TRULY HORRIFYING. I FUCKIN LOVE CHARLIE NPCS SO MUCH. I HOPE WE SEE HIM AGAIN OHH MY GOOOODDD #OKAYokay. im normal now. ill talk abt the piece. if u read my tags this far then u get special secret knowledge abt the artistic process #IM VERY HAPPY WITH MY COLORS! i know they were hallucinating on drugs so i just recalled the times i did drugs & used that as my influence #REMEMBER KIDS! acid is totally fine if ur safe and responsible about it. do acid and then stare at my art for a bit trrruuust me. IT MOVES!#anyway i think thats all my thoughts here. thank you for looking at my art n thanku if ur one o the ppl that says nice things in the tags #U are LITERLY my life blood i pick up each of u n kiss u so sweetly on the head. remember to try acid!!!!

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itspileofgoodthings · 18 days ago

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ALSO I am learning how to teach very introverted students, something my natural skillset as a teacher does not help me with.

#one of my greatest tools in the toolkit of my teaching (imo) is that I am unpredictable #I will turn on a dime and I’ll share a thought from the depths of my soul or back of the pantry of my random opinions #that will make them laugh or hook them and they want to hear more #with a group of introverted students maybe they love to see it maybe they don’t but it doesn’t work for them to become engaged #they get so quiet and so still #and not in the good way that kind of happens but kind of just in the scared mouse kind of way #BUT. this past week I kind of had a breakthrough #I totally wasn’t planning on it but the moment was right so I talked to them about them being quiet and introverted (gently teasing them)!#and then I said ‘but do you like it when I just stand here and talk about the book’ and they were like ‘yeah! kind of the pressure is off’#and then I said ‘oh! that’s good to know. because when you’re quiet it makes me feel like you hate me’#(not realizing until I said it that that was the heart of the issue)#and they laughed in surprise (i didn’t say it in a way where I was putting that burden on them in a serious way)#and then I said ‘yeah last night I went home like ‘omg was that a stupid thing to say about Frank Churchill?? no one responded’#and then they kind of shriek-laughed at me and they were like noooooo #and then they said what if we gave you a thumbs up when you were done so you know we don’t hate you #and I said that would be great #and THEN a few days later I gave them an agenda for our discussion written out on the board #where I talked and they listened (I called it discussion with myself) and then they had questions to ponder and things to talk about #with each other. and a lot of time. and THEN I cold called them (they won’t volunteer)#but by that time they were so much more relaxed and they knew what we were doing #so they talked more! and it was so goooood #ALSO idk if it was them #or me who had changed but by the time I got to lecturing at them again #I could feel the quiet warmth that I could not before #(the absence of which is what makes speaking publicly instantly a torture to me l o l)#and it helped so much! like. they didn’t say much (some of them did the thumbs up)#but I had cleared the expectations for them and for me tbh and it helped. I was not waiting for a response from them so in fact I got more #of one. and best of all I could feel them feeling both the warmth and the power of Emma a little bit more #it is starting to click. anyway this is so much but y eah #I’ve been wrestling with this problem a l l year. cracking it in December lol

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juniperberrypipebomb · 9 months ago

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i think me having access to photoshop shouldn't be allowed

Everything that could go wrong with this did go wrong

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whack-patty · 2 years ago

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So guess who completely forgot that chocolate milk and strawberry milk is such a big internet thing and made a poll in the heat of the moment and now my inbox is full of T H E funniest tags but also now i can't find any of the non chocolate/strawberry milk debate stuff in the chocolate/strawberry milk flood i am drowning in

GOOD GOLLY

#i genuinely dont mind how bad im getting smoked because it is CO M E D Y G O L D #i will gladly put my dignity on the line in public as long as its a funny story later #the person i was debating with likes to scroll through the tags while im ignoring my phone #and read through her favorite of the mean choccy milk tags #right to me <3 its a good daily routine #anyway please universe do not let this one become a ten thousand billion note one i miss having like 12 notifications all about the blorbos #FR IM SURE I ALREADY SAID THIS BUT IF YOU NEED ME FEEL FREE TO SEND AN ASK and ill see it. late #the seeing it late is unrelated to the choccy milk thing #ive already made this announcement right before the poll thing #im making it again because theres a new reason im not seeing anybodys stuff #it is; being overwhelmed #in a good way i promise its really funny #but also oh gosh i have made a tactical error #i am lying in bed typing this instead of sleeping #if you read this far heres a fun fact for you; the human eye can percieve more shades of green than any other color #neat right #🟩📗🟢🍏🥗🥬💚♻️🐍🍃🌱🍀🤢🌲🌿#green :^)#ramblin

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monarchteen · 2 months ago

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aaroncelina not returning to me is my roman empire

#for the record i respect tru's decision BUT he said he was open to his character making some apperances #so i want those appearances to be him and celina kissing #they are my barbie dolls and i am a 7 y/o discovering romance for the first time #like theyre so cute #and i completely loved the way it was going #like them being platonic for YEARS before going a slowburn route #aaron having a crush on her in the early years before they get over it then celina reciprocating years later #like thats peak right there!!!!#celina thinking its too late #aaron refalling for her #rain confession... like do we see the vision #like i saw them as platonic #but then season 6 happened #and we deserved more of them #the show dropped the ball with them #but thats because the rich people couldnt decide that oh wait... writers may be important in media... huh... wish we knew #sorry i have so many thoughts on the writers strike (it can be surmised in drew's video tho)#aaroncelina let me be your writer #i will do you justice #aaron thorsen #celina juarez #the rookie #aaron x celina #whats their shipname #aarina? celron? thorez? juarsen?

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silverselfshippingchaos · 1 month ago

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ugghhh wintertime sucks!! I'm sad and tired and sad all the time.. I need a nap.. and f/o cuddles.. and another nap..

#ash rambles 💚#negative #part of it is definitely the weather #it's so dark and dreary and i never wanna leave my bed #but also just. my mood akdjajs I'm kinda down in the dumps today #im recovering from being sick which always fucks me up #and i just cant shake this feeling of anxiety..? and i feel kinda a lot like my f/os wouldnt like me or would fall out of love or never see #me as more than a friend and other stuff like that #i.. actually got broken up with yesterday irl!#it wasnt messy. he said that this isnt what he wanted and it was fine and we're back to being pals. i wasnt sad at all in the moment and #i dont think i am now..? it's weird. we were laughing like always literal minutes after having the chat. when we got together we said that #if things domt work out we wanna keep being friends. and we're doing just that. honestly i saw it coming and idek if i LOVE him anymore #what even does love feel like..? regardless I'm not upset or sad at my breakup since i saw it coming and I'm honestly happy he just. Talked #to me about it. we communicated and then three minutes later went back to talking about x.enoblade LMAAOO it was fun!#but it is ridiculous for me to expect to feel NOTHING at no longer being in a relationship. i cant just feel nothing. i dont feel sad per s #just... in my thoughts i guess? I don't think the feeling of my f/os not liking me stems from me being dumped though. i think thats just me #being me sjdjaksj I'm very insecure a lot of the time. i dont think being dumped helpd very much though LMAAAOO #I'm doing okay i promise. and I'll be alright. theres just both a lot and nothing going on at the same time and i feel... idk what i feel.#i hope my f/os love me 😭 i hope that a lot #and honestly i know this community is ass and I'm more than happy in my own corner with my couple of followers but. ngl I've really felt as #though I'm not valued here and all that junk as of late. yeah just.. i think everything is happening at the same time and I'm tired and #i feel like I'm a confused kiddo who doesnt know anything anymore BAHAHAHA #holy shit it just sounds like i need a shower and a nap huh- I'll be alright I'm just. dealing with stuff akdjsks but i also hate to always #bring the mood down like this! i always try my best to be haha silly and all that shit. I'm just gonna try to daydream about f/o cuddles #(and try to convince myself they dont hate me ofc)#oh and. i know i mentioned this but. i hate the weather. so much. I'm sad all the time. November is actually my least favorite month too 😭#I've gotta study a lot today and I'll try to sneak in some k.urohyou and hopefully start watching monster too but yeah i apolgize if #I'm acting off these days ajdjajs I'm very stuck in my own mind these days. not exactly the most fun place to be 😭#delete later #i mean akdjajs i literally started crying the other day because my friend said that my husband (k.yohei) loves me ajdkahdb come on ash..

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thetangibleghost · 2 months ago

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I've always wanted to wake up from a dream laughing and I just did but I realized after I woke up that I have missed a million social cues :((((((((((((((((( it wasn't even funny idk why I couldn't stop giggling. I dont even giggle irl.

#this also may have been a separate dream #i was in this big aquarium swimming and walking around. it was like. you could swim in a lot of the exhibit and interact with the animals #i had some sort of mission and i also found a baby seal who i picked up and was carrying around as i wandered around #eventually i ended up in this little nook that had one of the adult seals/walrusess? so i let the baby go but the adult was not into it and #i heard someone day something like “aw he still has hope”#theres this kid that works at the aquarium and i tell him to come with me for some reason. its around this time i realize this is some movie #the kids boss is like “next time you leave your post you gotta dive out”#and im worried a bit allready sbout him leavin his post with the adult walrus up there.#then suddenly the glass starts breaking everywhere. like one crack then the whole aquarium starts falling apart #and the kid seems a bit worried.#as were all evacuating i decide that its my fault. because the walrus must have been ramming the glass while the kid wasnt watching.#i remember thinking about how this was a movie or something and feeling really dumv #then yhe dream was over snd there was s recap??? in like drawing form and it showed the main character (me) putting a bomb in the center of #the aquarium in some sort of well or something. so. i guess it really was completely my fault in a different way than i thought #then later im at some sort of party or something and then i leave the party for another party or something? and i feel really bad sn #and socially innept the entire time. the person who i think i reconize we start talking and theyre like the first person whos nice to me #and were talking about following eachother on Instagram? or somth #while their scrolling i see a video eith one of my old friends and shes on the news? the headline is like “me and cathy snd the murder #victim...“ or something. and im like ”hey thats my friend“ and the person just shuts their phone off.#any ways so this person lets me hitch a ride with them back to the original party. they get out of the uber super early but its the right #house and the tell the driver that hes lost and the DRIVER gets out. so im like oh i guess this is their car??#and so they drive up to the drive way and three more people start getting in the car and theyre like putting stuff in the trunk #and talking about where to sit and i just start giggling.#and im still trying to participate like i offer to sit in the middle. theres already someone sitting at the front but he gets out and #everytime someone says anything i start giggling??? and like its sunny and everyone is very attractive in a way that o just found so funny #and then eventually two of then run over to this like panel dash board yhing that on a wall outside and like messing with it opening the #glove box and stuff and i just wake up #and immediately upon waking. well first i was like “teehee. i woke up from giggling” then i thought about it and i was like “oh. i was #take the front seat :(#dream log

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sillyfudgemonkeys · 3 months ago

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About a month ago my new coworker told me he didn't like LoK (that's fine). When I asked why he said it reminded him too much of The Last of Us 2. And I was like ??????? HuH???? So I asked him to elaborate, and due to time constraints (and maybe him just....refusing to really elaborate????) the most I could get out of him was "Korra/Ellie choosing not to kill Kuvira/Abby at the end" and that was "bad."

AND THAT'S IT! Nothing else, no expansion. So I have to tell y'all, my ass hasn't been ok since. It's keeping me up at night. I'm trying to figure out what he means. Cause the math ain't mathing lemme tell you. I think it's all bullshit TT0TT Like this man had a vision, but god does he need some fucking glasses.

I haven't been this inside my own head since I was debating with air about P5. TT0TT

#ahhhhhhhhhhhh #silly talks #listen no he's wrong I have like an 800 page book on why #the take of all takes #i made a post about it but it's so buried I don't feel like looking for it so I'm just posting this here #i made it the night I heard it jfdklasjfka but yeah I'm still feeling emotions #him: I don't like LoK #Me: it's fine to have wrong opinions #(i'm joking. Korra's best critics are her biggest fans ok)#What really happened “Me: yeah yeah yeah anyway KYOSHI!”#we're a communist country here. if I have a hyperfixation then EVERYONE in the orbit h as a hyperfixation (and it goes vice versa)#i'm yapping about Rangshi and I'm getting responses about FF14 in return the ecosystem is thriving let me tell you #the conversations make no sense but we're all vibbing #listen I'm not a fan of TLoU2 but??????#my dude.........i'm pretty sur the arc and themes of those chars are going in complete opposite directions TT0TT #ok decided to vent for a second at lunch time back into my hell hole #SOS please some one help me~!#It's not healthy~ for me to feel this~!#Y-O-U are makin' this hard~ I can't take it. see. i don't feel right~#SOS please someone help me! It's not healthy~ for me to feel this~#Y-O-U are makin' this hard~You got me tossin' and turnin'. can't sleep at night~#(oh wow those lyrics actually fit my predicament kfljdksalfj)#(this take is literally making me lose it)#(I should just vent and I'll be fine kfljdsalkfj)#it's all just surface level???? the actual depth of comparing them is WILDLY DIFFERENT THO????#I'll be fair that I'm not the most knowledgeable about TLoU2 but even from what I know it's just....surface level comparisons??? TT0TT #what was bro onnnnnn????? TT0TT #it's like comparing apples and oranges...yeah both are fruits but they are so wildly different outside that!!!#i was gonna go on a bender ranting about how none of that adds up but then I fell asleep #so I'll postpone the real rant later TT0TT

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ybcpatrick · 3 months ago

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i don't think i've had a single good day or a good night's sleep in at least two straight weeks 😁😁😁😁😁

#shut up kell #misery! unbelievable despair!#kell what's wrong oh everything. everything actually thank you so much 🫶#i don't think i've ever cried this much in this little time. it's every other day right now #cancelled all my plans. can't even go outside to see my best friend for two seconds to grab her spare key in person. just a write off here #people at work are noticing. can't tell anyone what's really going on bc they'll pity me. and it'll do no good.#didn't finish raw last night and don't even care that i'm gonna miss part of smackdown on friday. that's how fuckin bad i'm doing.#and it will not get better 😁 bc the things that are really getting o me are unfixable in this current situation.#so i just gotta fuckin. wait to get used to this i guess.#just. tired. tired tired tired tired tired tired tired.#i'll delete this later and i'll be fine but i needed to bitch about it somewhere. thanks #i cry and i cry and i cry and i never ever fucking feel any better. i miss my baby brother and i hate that i fucking hate him

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mycological-mariner · 5 months ago

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Cornish history person just started watching Poldark. A friend said she had a theory it was all just funded by the Cornish tourism board and tbh, valid. Lead guy is just too conventionally attractive to be attractive. Everyone has nice hair. Only antagonists have period-appropriate hair (at least for the gents). I don’t like this. I don’t really care about the romance either (obviously) BUT the economic and political side of things is pretty good. I did appreciate mention of the Welsh mines thriving as a part of the reason why Cornish mines were shutting down (obviously not the whole reason and an oversimplification but still). On the topic of the Welsh mines, back in the day, it was Welsh coal that was used to fuel mines up the north coast (Botallack, Levant, Geevor, etc) because it was just more cost effective; Wales was coming up with so much coal they had a surplus and ships could easily come from Wales to Cornwall instead of by land from much farther north and at greater expense. Welsh coal is rare nowadays but if you go up to any mines you might be able to find some burnt chunks. Kind of wished they’d mentioned it in the show because the use of Welsh coal was a part of what kept the mines in Cornwall going. A sort of historical irony.

My main takeaway is basically rich people Fucking Suck

#also #watching it is like ‘oh look I’ve been there. oh look we were just there. oh look I used to LIVE THERE.’#wild #anyways #it’s only been nearly a decade of people asking me to watch it #*grabbing the casual Poldark fan* LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE MINING AND SHIPPING HISTORY. LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT ROCKS.#YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT BEAM ENGINES SO BAD.#although I WILL say #we don’t hear NEARLY enough about central Cornwall’s mining history #seriously #tbh the mines didn’t dry up until much MUCH later after this series takes place #many went well into the 1920s #i won’t go into the economic impacts of mining in the late 1800s-early 1900s but holy christ #I’m not actually watching this show for characters anymore I just want t o be about the miners #I’m so invested in the mining community portrayed #don’t care too much about everyone else #except Demelza (I have a Crush) and the one cousin who nearly married the sea captain #I like her #I think she should just kill her brother and her whole family tbh #me @ anyone: wanna see my rocks I collected near a mine? they’ve got Minerals

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ame-to-ame · 6 months ago

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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them

#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris #muscle memory is crazy #i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic #when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good #but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor #what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet #bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back #and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id #it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category #or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is #my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread #something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it #but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore #ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me #delete later

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