#me earlier today: :( why can't i study. why am i so sad that i can't study.

[katierosefun]

okay the girlies were right. sometimes the secret to being happy is to actually take a 2 hour long nap, watch a quick episode (or even part of an episode) of something, eat dinner, get dressed, and then maybe you'll feel like a real person.

[changbinslovelylegs]

It gets worse before it gets better - Wooyoung part 3

Pairing: no specific pairing right now

WC: will always be between 2k-4k words

Warnings: Language, talk of past trauma, mention of death and death related things, panic attack/ptsd episode

Preview, description, characters here

The incident is finally revealed...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 weeks prior

"There is no way I'm signing up for that!" Wooyoung gaged at the thought, actually putting a finger in his mouth.

"Why not? it won't kill you" Hyunjin exclaimed as if hadn't just asked Wooyoung to sign up for grindr.

GRINDR FOR FUCKS SAKE.

"I don't want my phone "dinging" me dick pics all day or weird Alphas messaging me because they have a thing for smaller Omegas" Wooyoung groaned and smashed his head into his pillow again. Wooyoung had always been on the smaller side, and it usually never bothered him, it only did when alphas made jokes about his size or they had a weird fetish for it and tried coming onto him.

It had been way too long since Wooyoung had been with someone, so he had asked Hyunjin and Yoongi over for some advice, Felix joined as well since he was his roommate but he was also trying to tidy the living room.

The last person Wooyoung was with, was before the incident and that was over 5 months ago. Yes it still plagued his mind and gave him nightmares and actually medically diagnosed ptsd, but he thought he was now ready to try to see other people.

"I don't get sent them all day..." Hyunjin tried to defend himself, but in the end he knew it was pointless. He was often sent dick pics by randos without permission. He was also sent weird messages from weird Alphas and Hyunjin wasn't even small!

"Jinnie don't force him" Felix butted in, while picking up empty coke cans from the coffee table.

"I am not forcing him!"

"Why does it have to be online?" Yoongi mused, and he smiled when Wooyoung perked his head up. "Let's go out this weekend and you can just try to meet someone there? Can't be that hard!"

"says the one with the most muscle" Hyunjin stated annoyingly. It was well known that Yoongi was a gym junkie, often finding himself there for releasing stress or his 4 times a week weekly workout.

"That's actually a good idea!" Felix agreed, pinching Hyunjin's arm and grinning when he whines.

"I'll message the group chat"

Beautiful sluts bunch

Hyunjin: Were going out this weekend and we have a mission: get Wooyoung laid!

Yoongi: Ok chill

Wooyoung: Maybe not laid, but I would like to meet someone

Seungmin: But if you got laid you wouldn't be complaining

Wooyoung: ...

Jimin: Aw yas go get that D

Hyunjin: Thats what I said earlier!

Jisung: You'll know I'll be there

Jimin: Ditto, been craving a night out all week

Seungmin: Fuck it, i'm in

Felix: Taehyung?

Taehyung: Sorry guys I started pre-heat today I think ima sit this one out. My insides feel like their at war!

Felix: Aw baby that sucks, do you have a partner for it?

Taehyung: HA I wish, it's just me and my many dildos

Wooyoung: Awwwww sad

Jimin: Honestly R.I.P for those dildos

Jisung: ahahah

Taehyung: Fuck you sung, u try being an omega for one day I promise you'll take that laugh back!

Hyunjin: Seonghwa?

Jimin: You better be coming bitch

Jisung: It won't be the same

Felix: It's going to be so fun

Wooyoung: Please Hyungie?

Seonghwa: Fuck me FINE, but only because Woo asked nicely

The weekend could not have come soon enough, everyone was stressed with their last week of finals that a night out was defiantly needed to celebrate.

No one even spoke in the group chat for a whole week because they were all too bust studying, which by the end of that week freaked everyone out.

By the time Saturday rolled around, the whole group just couldn't wait any longer, they needed this.

"I don't think I can do this" Wooyoung had somehow managed to work himself up, considering this wasn't going to be a regular night out.

"Hey it's going to be ok, you don't have to meet someone" Felix tried his best to console, while he was putting the finishing touches on his makeup.

"But what if they don't understand my ptsd and think I'm weird for being weak and-"

"Shhhhh" Felix put down his brush before walking over to Wooyoung and pressing a light yet lingering kiss on his lips. "Don't forget to breathe, and just have fun don't pressure yourself to meet someone. Like if you do that's great but if you don't then that's ok too yeah?"

"Yeah your right, I'm just a little anxious" Wooyoung admitted with a frown.

"It's ok to be anxious, and besides, if you don't wanna mention you have ptsd then you don't have to. I don't go around telling people about my omega business how I smell too much or I leak like a fucking faucet do I?"

"No you don't, but fuck you and your weird wisdom"

"YA! you brat!"

The club was banging right when they got inside, loud music filling the room. Most of the group headed straight for the bar to get drinks whereas Jisung and Seungmin were dying for a piss so they said they would meet everyone on the dance floor.

"Lets do shots!" Jimin tried his best to shout over the music.

"Not that wet pussy shit again" Yoongi whined, remembering how those shots didn't agree with him last time.

"Nah lets just get tequila ones, they get you drunk faster"

"You know I'm down to get drunk" Hyunjin chimed in, but then asked who's paying for them.

"I'll get this round, we can take turns" Jimin orders the shots while the others just wait.

Out of the corner of Wooyoung's eye, he spotted a man dancing with a few friends, a mixed drink in one hand. He was the most beautiful man that Wooyoung had ever seen.

It seemed as if the man noticed too because he was motioning for Woo to come over, he was too much in a trance until Felix nudged him and said "he's cute you should say hi" but not before he took that shot.

Wooyoung walked up to the man and was greeted with a smile. He happily returned one back as the man leaned in.

"Hi, I'm San, you're really cute" he yelled, considering the music was so loud.

"I'm Wooyoung, and thank you" he replied, a small blush appearing on his face.

"Do you come here often?" San started to dance again, Wooyoung joined him.

"Sometimes, depends on what happens in the group chat. What about you?"

"Yeah I come often, one of my friends brothers is the bouncer so we get in for free" San pointed out his friends, 4 of them dancing in a group.

"Thats Hongjoong with the red hair, his brother is the bouncer. That's Yeosang, Minho, Changbin, and HEY WHERES CHAN?"

"GETTING DRINKS, HE SAID HIS FRIEND JISUNG IS HERE AND WANTED TO SAY HI" Changbin yelled back. Just as the song ended and another one started, one of those ones that like to use gun shots as instruments, and his face drained of colour.

"Sungie? He's in my friend group, wait, you're from Jongsung aren't you?" Wooyoung suddenly felt scared, his bones going all cold. If he was from Jongsung then he may have been friends with them and known about the incident before it happened. People from Jongsung could not be trusted. Plus gun shots were another huge trigger for him and just Wooyoung's luck there playing a song with many of them!

"Yeah, does that matter?" San asked, all he wanted was to dance with a cute guy maybe get a blowie in the bathroom but he wasn't so sure anymore. "Hey are you ok?"

Wooyoung couldn't breathe, ever since the incident he and Felix made a pact to never interact with anyone from Jongsung again. He knew it was a little harsh, but he thought he was keeping himself safe. The gunshots just kept getting louder even though the song was over, he just wanted all the noise to stop, his put his hands over his ears.

There was a ringing in his ears, the music becoming too much. San kept asking if he was ok but Wooyoung couldn't hear him. Chan walked over and asked San what was wrong.

"You know Jisung, Wooyoung knows Jisung, do you possibly know who's the closest too Wooyoung?" San ranted, trying his best to help but also not really knowing how.

"Lemme ask Sungie" Chan ran away, and a few moments Later Felix came rushing over.

"YOUNGIE" Felix rushed Wooyoung to the bathroom not even caring to thank San as he was too concerned with his friend.

"Hey Youngie, hey..." Wooyoung didn't even notice he was crying until the ringing stopped and the music got quieter, Felix brought him into his arms making sure to place his ear over his heart.

"Can you hear my heartbeat baby?" Felix knew that his own heartbeat always calmed Wooyoung down, but he wasn't sure it could be heard over the music.

"Lixie" Woo managed to croak despite hie tears.

"Just listen to my heartbeat, I've got you baby"

"I'm so sorry, I was just so scared-"

"Shh, theres no need to apologise, Let's take some deep breaths together hmm?"

Felix slowly rocked them back and forth, taking over exaggerated breaths that he hoped Wooyoung would follow.

They stayed like that for a little while until Wooyoung detached himself and asked for a tissue.

"Will toilet paper suffice? I don't think they have tissues here" Which made Wooyoung laugh, because of course they don't have tissues here.

"I really want some ice-cream, can we go somewhere and get some ice-cream?" Wooyoung asked after he cleaned himself up, all he wanted to do was leave this club but he wasn't tired either.

They found the others who were all worried for their friend yet knew Felix had it under control, they asked him if he was ok to which he replied yes, he was feeling better now. Then Felix explained that he was going to take Wooyoung home because he no longer wanted to be in the place he last had an attack. Everyone else offered to leave as well but Wooyoung said it was fine he didn't want to ruin everyone's night.

Once they arrived at the ice-cream parlour (Wooyoung getting cookies and cream with smashed oreos on top and Felix getting double fudge brownie as they always did) Wooyoung sighed, slumping into their favourite corner booth.

"So what happened back at the club? I thought you and that guy were getting along?" Felix was concerned for his friend, as any friend would be after seeing a friend go through that.

"I don't even fully know! That guy- sorry San said he was from Jongsung and they had this song on with gunshots and I just got so scared I thought I was back on that field I just wanted all the noise to stop!" Wooyoung explained, trying to stay as calm as possible but his hands were shaking a little.

"You just gotta remember that San wasn't one of them so he can't be that bad, honestly it was Jisung who made me realise that" Felix explained, trying to shed a little light.

"How so?"

"When Chan and I met I was completely against it because he was from Jongsung. I liked him until I found out then I wanted nothing to do with him. I got annoyed at Sungie for letting him attend a Yeontan party but then he explained to me that the incident wasn't organised by the whole Jongsung student body, it was just unfortunate that the incident took place on school grounds. I do also think he was trying to defend his friend though cause I found out that he and Chan went to high school together."

"Oh..." Wooyoung had never thought of it that way before.

"I'm not trying to diminish your feelings or anything it just made me ask myself why was I mad at Chan? and now we're really close."

"Hmm, ok then, do you think I should give San another chance?"

"Only if you want to, but he didn't seem like a bad guy so I say go for it!"

Felix's phoned dinged, so he put down his ice-cream to check who it was from, relaxing when it was only Leedo confirming their appointment for tomorrow.

"All good?" Wooyoung asked mid chew.

"Ahaha yeah just Leedo confirming our appointment for tomorrow, my monthly visit n all" Felix went back to eating, because he didn't want it to melt.

"It sucks you have to go through that, I couldn't imagine what your always going through"

"Yeah it does suck sometimes cause I have to wear a pad everyday it's just one of my cons I guess"

"Yeah I feel you, like when I found out that my heats were more painful because I'm on the smaller side. Sucks to be an Omega am I right"

"Fucking oath, let's be real Beta's have it GOOD" which made the both of them burst out laughing.

When the next morning came Wooyoung awoke to 2 surprises.

Number one being because he left the club early and hardly had anything to drink for once in his life he actually woke up hangover free, and that made him so happy.

Number two being a message from the one and only San! Wooyoung had decided to give San another chance and was going to ask somewhere for his number but it seems that San had beat him to it.

Unknown: Hi, it's San, I got your number from Jisung I hope you don't mind. I just wanted to check in and see how your doing?"

Wooyoung saved his contact before replying.

Wooyoung: No it's fine, and I'm also fine thank you for asking though it was cute

San: are you sure? you seemed pretty out of it and afraid?

Wooyoung: I'm sure I'm ok, I actually suffer from PTSD and I had an episode, gunshots are a huge trigger for me

San: Oh I'm so sorry

Wooyoung: It's ok, you didn't know

San: May I ask how you got PTSD? only if your ok with it ofc

Wooyoung: You don't know? everybody knows!

San: But I didn't even know you had PTSD so how would I know what it's from?

Wooyoung: When I tell people I have it they instantly put 2 n 2 together, because of what happened last year.

San: What happened last year?

Wooyoung: Oh please tell me your joking, otherwise this is some sick joke and in that case you can just fuck off

San: I promise I'm not joking

Wooyoung: Whatever

San: No I'm serious! I'm a transfer all the way from Namhae I only started at Jongsung a month ago!

Wooyoung: Oh so you really don't know? fuck I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions-

San: It's fine baby just tell me so that I can know

Baby, Wooyoung most certainly blushed at that, and he even heart reacted.

Wooyoung: Ok, I don't usually like to re-live it so please bare with me

San: ofc Baby just take your time

Wooyoung: There was this guy named Jongho who last year was apart of my friend group and we all really thought he was a great guy, he was a great guy! he made youtube videos and really wanted to someday star in a k-drama. He was also openly gay which I'm fine with cause I'm also gay anyway he went on a date with this jongsung guy. He seemed nice in the beginning I'm guessing thats why Jongho said yes to the date, Jongho had apparently asked to go home but the guy refused to take him home and took him to the jongsung football field instead. I knew about this because Jongho asked me to follow him and come pick him up, because he felt scared. I was too late though because when I arrived I saw 2 men, one was restraining Jongho and the other shot him in the chest just because he was gay! I screamed and those men ran away, I held a bleeding Jongho in my arms crying and screaming until help came but they were also too late because he was already dead.

San: Oh no...

San: Shit, I'm so sorry. Jongho sounded like a really nice guy he didn't deserve that

Wooyoung: no one does! it just sucks Jongho was chosen because he was kinda known on youtube. and now I have PTSD because of it

San: I don't know what to say

Wooyoung: No please it's ok, I was actually planning on messaging you first because I wanted to know if your free for coffee sometime?

San: Oh thats sweet, I'm free today after 2 if you wanna meet?

The next 2 weeks were the loveliest weeks of Wooyoung's life, he and San grew a lot closer almost hanging out everyday or at least stealing a few moments to kiss. He was the perfect man in Wooyoung's eyes.

They never wanted to be apart, and lucky for them they never really had to except for when San started his rut and Wooyoung wasn't ready for sex yet.

"Wooyoung you ready? Felix yelled from down the hall, they had a lunch planned with both Seonghwa and Hyunjin.

"YA! calm your tits I'm coming, just grabbing a jacket cause it's cold!" Wooyoung walked back to the front door, grinning with his choice of jacket.

"Ooh is it Sannies?"

"Yeah, I just love smelling his scent on me"

"I bet you love smelling a whole lot more than just scent"

"YA! we haven't even slept together, he was in rut last week and I just wasn't ready for that yet" Felix just laughed and ruffled Wooyoung's hair, ushering him along.

Once they were seated, and after they had ordered what they wanted, they saw Seonghwa and Hyunjin walk inside.

"Hey! over here" Felix called them over, because the cafe was packed.

"Geez, how did you two find a park? We had to park across the road at the total tools!" Seonghwa sat down with a sigh, opening his menu and looking through it, "What did you guys get?" he added.

"I got a chai laté and an avocado smash with a hash brown, Felix got an americano and just the eggs on toast with bacon and roast tomatoes" Wooyoung explained, sipping on his chai laté fondly.

"Ohh the smashed avo does look good" Hyunjin exclaimed, calling a waiter over so they could order.

"So, how are things with San?" Seonghwa asked, just as his drink came.

"He is so lovely, and such a gentlemen, he just makes me so happy!" Wooyoung smiled.

"Well I guess that went well then" Hyunjin claimed, a grin plastered on his face.

"What went well?" Wooyoung asked, confused.

"Didn't Yoongi tell you?"

"No..."

"Oh fuck me, Yoongi said he was gonna tell you.. look don't get mad ok?" Hyunjin was slightly panicking, both Seonghwa and Felix were looking at him almost frightened.

"After you said you wanted to meet someone, Yoongi and I got lunch and then we started talking, he said his friend Yunho the one who sells weed also sells to this guy San and apparently San told him once that he felt lonely and he wanted to meet someone that's what Yunho told Yoongi and then Yoongi was talking to Jisung about it, not the whole thing Sungie doesn't know just like have you ever heard of a guy named San? and Sungie goes oh yeah he's friends with Chan and when Yoongi told me about it he asked Sungie for his number and kinda set you two up, I told him I didn't think it was a good idea but he said he would tell you about it, obviously he didn't judging by your face." Hyunjin hung his head low, too afraid to see Wooyoung's reactions.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Wooyoung spat, standing up.

"Babe sit down-" Felix tried to pull on his arm but Wooyoung pushed it away.

"WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK!"

"Youngie, people are staring, just take a breath" Seonghwa tried to avoid being kicked out, it wouldn't look good for them.

"I know fuck I know, I told him not to" Hyunjin defended, but it was no use.

Wooyoung took a few breaths, because Seonghwa was right. Once he was calm he sat back down.

"I never wanted to be set up, this isn't what I wanted..." Wooyoung started to cry a little, feeling so betrayed. Felix cooed at him and brought him into his arms, shushing him gently.

[akinoor-studiesmed]

JOURNAL ENTRY - 20 June, 2023

In ten days I have my send ups that will be starting. Basically they are exams. The entire next two months are just exams.

These days I write my journal entry out and don't post it because I couldn't. There is so much to say but I'm having trouble saying just about anything but there is so much to say I want to say but it's as if my words have been locked away and someone took the key away. I've been struggling with that for a week now. Nothing was helping and all I did was doom scrolling as the worst case of executive dysfunction and task paralysis took over me. The kind where you keep telling yourself to get up but your body won't get up so now you are screaming in your head and your body still won't move because moving feels that hard.

Knowing that you need to be doing something else but aren't doing it even though you want to do it. It's the worst feeling ever and this feeling persists very strongly.

I am a bit of the opposite of other people or am I completely misidentifying my feelings. I cannot say. when everyone seems to be bothered and working hard— even those that never did before. I'm not worried about myself at all— as my worry isn't translating into any action at all. Rather I feel these specs of harsh anxiety and they go away just as suddenly as they appear. Perhaps because I know there is not much I can do at this point. Other than doing as best as I can.

Back when I was preparing for NEET ( the qualifying exam for being a doctor in my country ), at one point I stopped caring if I would make it or not. My point is that all I did was do as much as I could and left the rest to God. I did as much as I could by fighting for as long as I could- till the end. What happened after the end was what the god wanted for me. It's not always easy to accept things so I pray. I pray that things go my way and that God is listening because he needs to. People pray to god and I think I have my daily arguments with God. Fights perhaps? Anger perhaps? There is everything. Reverence and anger but the faith I believe remains. Faith that things might not go my way and it really fucking sucks but I will fight the fight because that's my responsibility. That it is my responsibility and no one else's, not even gods. So I fight god because that is why my and his connection is like. He's my friend but we have our falling offs and reconciliation. And I know God is not for everyone but this is what it is for me.

But coming back to people— if people are studying around me, I can't seem to study as well. If people are only sitting around me and I'm the one studying. I can do it. Is this the curious case of body doubling? Or just a severely low self-esteem? Or perhaps both?

I'm envious of those whose heads and minds work with them and not apart from them. I was going to write the word against instead of the word apart but I don't think my mind wants to work against me. It made me sad just as suddenly as it had appeared. I feel sorry for my mind— because it tries to work with me.

So it makes me envious because— why do they get to be normal and me with the extra struggles? I wish I was the normal one or perhaps a little more extraordinary because that's what it feels like— that to belong to this place I need to be more than myself and more like others. It's shitty.

Perhaps there are fifty other people here with the same thoughts as mine and I don't know about them and perhaps there are none. I will never know.

Today I made myself get up and eat breakfast, lunch and dinner properly. I hadn't eaten anything properly for the past three days. Just one meal a day and that too not food. I also made myself attend a few classes today. Just for the sake of it. Tomorrow I might not go. It really depends. I also studied today after I hit another slump.

I downloaded a pomodoro and used that. It was an app I had deleted earlier and now I got it back. I felt the resistance and I'm immensely slow as compared to my counterparts but I'm waking at the snails pace. I haven't turned into a rock yet. I might tomorrow. I don't know.

I'm trying to survive because I can't die. Not like this.

" If winter comes, can spring be far behind? "

[brianil]

Open letter to all the i/e SHAN /T

Hello eshan you were my first friend with a unique name, I didn't even know the meaning of your name until now. I don't know why but I called you peasant, well I remember the context was in Social studies class where we learned about opium farming. i don't even know why we broke up, but I always felt you were my friend, Even today I guess. I think I saw you pic doing dj or something , it looks so cool. I hope you are doing amazing in life, I knew you could do so, well it sucks to be not be aware about it but, I am happy for you.

hehe, i wrote a letter earlier too and maybe that's the reason I feel less emotional right now but more in serenity if its the right word. Well, I will always do a good deed in your name on your birthday, and that would be my token of friendship that I owe you or something.

Peace:

Yo, Ishant

you were the second guy i felt conflicted about the name. Name is a unique character so I can't force myself to remember only one eshan in life, ( context : there was disney India show where eshan a school student (hero) a sad story but singer .... ) so this name has lot of history with me, But well you were different, so super cool and I felt its worth to remember your name. Its not like I choose whose to remember or not, sometimes there are names I never wanna remember but they sting like a bee In my memory or just take cache space in my mind.

i feel like my 3 years of graduation went into just knowing names and saying his at least once.

if i could redo my graduation life, i will definetely keep my ears shut from three guys and avoid 2-3 and manage my time around you, katana(saber) and buddha group. Might give a cool group a try too. well that's spent curd something no, spilled milk? anyway, I like the courage, positivity, clarity and wisdom, special point humanity within you. I don't know the vices of yours but I am okay being in ignorance. I definitely won't mind being your friend but I don't know, I feel there is some sort of vibe I feel I have, its better to be someone I know than to be complete stranger but also not too close as best friends.

well this is not really a letter to discuss stuff that has to be explored in therapy but, I hope you stay cool and achieve every damn goal of your life. I will cheer for you from the spectator seat.

till next time i need to increase my vocab adios

hii ishant, i had contact with in brief, you are a writer or at that time, and I asked you to review my poem and you added a word horizon into that and I went with it, well sad story short ... i think I lost your mail id and there was no more contact but well man you were doing great at the time and I hope you continued and that's shall be all.

bye. Brianil

[wasabis-stuff]

⁠♡ — ; | 𝙝𝙪𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙣𝙤𝙫𝙖𝙨.

—

SYPNOSIS:

Xielle, an active and famous girl who self destructed due to the unbearable agony of life of being in the spotlight where every move is being judged and criticized.

—

Chapter I

"Have you ever seen a supernova? It's beautiful isn't it?" The questions I always ask to people I've interacted with.

Their answers are either yes and no's following with reasons they could think and say.

What about me? Have i seen one? Yes, I've seen it, many times, even us explodes, even me. Now what's the connection of that with supernovas? We all know how supernovas are formed, it's when a massive star runs out of fuel, gravity taking over it then it self destructs and a rapid explosion happens. It also happens to all of us, we ran out of light and hope to living due to the pressure that was bestowed upon us and if we can't handle it anymore we self destruct, the difference is that we have types of self destruct. We have different pressures in life, we're our own stars, our energy and vibrance are our own treasure but what will happen if we lose it? Will we evolve into something good or bad? Supernovas are beautiful despite the sadness in chaos, So are we.

The thoughts surrounded my head as my eyes slowly gets heavy and i fell asleep.

I woke up the next day feeling still exhausted. It's Saturday.

My name is Xielle Voltaire, a Model and Musician. A College Student studying Bachelor of Science in Psychology here in France. Both of my parents are successful, now you're asking - why am I even complaining when i'm already living a luxurious life? Mind you, be careful of what you wished for, just because I live in this kind of life doesn't mean it's all about lavish and ease. I'm not bragging about our life because I aim to build my name not because my parents are successful and famous but because I've done something good that will spread and make my name known to people.

I got out of my bed and made my way to the bathroom and did all the necessary things a girl must do. While making my way to the kitchen I could feel my Father's cold gaze towards me, the maids greeted me and i gave them a smile and a nod bow as a greet back, I plan to make Lasagna today. My mom started to make her way towards me and "What are you making today sweetie?" She asked, I answered "Lasagna, would you both want some for lunch later?" I asked pertaining to dad as well, they both smiled and nod, to tell you they might be strict but they love pastas, "Oh and don't worry Mom I already ordered a Baguette so we'll have a garlic bread as side dish", my mom's smile widens and gave me a kiss and goes back to the table. They're taking their breakfast early as 6am while I'll just eat later since I don't really eat this early.

Two hours had passed and im done making lasagna and garlic bread then started to pack lunches for my parents. I asked our maids to bring it to them since they already left for work an hour ago. I checked my phone because it's been ringing notifications ever since I woke up.

Fuck, it's Louvière.

Louvière is my partner in crime, he's been with me since fetus. Reading thoroughly to his messages, he sure loves to curse when he's mad. Well i get it, he's time punctual after all, while scrolling I receive a call.

"Â𝘭𝘭𝘰 Louviè—"

"𝘛𝘰𝘪 𝘱é𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘦! it's about damn time you answer!"

Damn talk about the temper.

"Listen Louvière, I—"

"No! Get your ass here now!" And ended the call abruptly.

I sighed and showered real quick and picked the outfit for today and drive towards where Louvié is. As I park my car I could see him from my side mirror approaching my car, I chuckled as i get my viola and get out. He's crossing his arms, eyebrows meeting and eyes squinted.

"Do you know what time is it?" He said.

I brought out the sweets i got for him as i was driving earlier hoping it would calm him down. I swear sweets works like magic to his temper because he quickly livened up as soon as he saw that it came from his favorite shop.

We then made our way towards the entrance of the building down to orchestra pit to practice our upcoming recital.

We were greeted by pairs of eyes as we made our way to the backstage, there's a lot of people watching us, all professionals and others are students. We quickly go to our designated rooms to prepare and practiced our created piece there before practicing it to the stage. The recital will be on Monday evening (after my class) and loads of people from different country, universities, and etc. Will come to watch and give a critique. Even my parents will be there. My Dad was the one who pushed this to me even if I didn't wanted to but i've come to sort of like it since I love music but I just hate the pressure he's giving me to be always on the top of everyone. Every note must be perfect, the movements or my fingers and flow of my arms should be smooth like water, and lastly the timing and mood, all of it.

Louvière is playing the piano for this recital. We're going vice versa as well. It's not just Violin and Piano that we know how to play, but also Guitar and Drums and Flutes. Louvière is a natural born musician, he devoted his life to music and the piece we're going to play is his own created piece, Inspired by Jakob Ludwig Felix Mendelssohn Bartholdy widely known as "Felix Mendelssohn", a German composer, pianist, organist and conductor of the early Romantic period.

We practiced for 30 minutes and later on fall in line towards the backstage to rehearse our event pacing and have the elderly professionals to criticize our performance so that there will be no errors when the event comes.

It was our turn and we positioned ourselves and started playing.

It lasted for about 10 minutes and the elderly professionals are clapping in satisfaction.

"𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘵! 𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘤𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦!" one of the professionals clapped and shouted.

Me and Louvière bowed gracefully and thanked the elderly and made our way out. Our coach is smiling wide as she greets us with joy in her eyes.

I was so exhausted from playing that I took out a smoke and ignited it. "Give me one too" Louvière said and I tossed him one with my lighter.

"Exhausting isn't it?" He asked.

"Yeah surely." I answered.

"Where are you headed after this?" his 2nd question.

"Model Runway"

"Oh yeah, tough luck you have, I'll go with you." And starts to pack our stuffs as he grabbed my arms to get up and we made our way outside the building and he asked his driver to drive his car back to their home and tossed the keys to his driver. He opened my passenger seat and put our stuffs on the backseat and made his way to drivers seat and speed drive towards the Runway.

"What's up, you look dead right now" he asked trying to initiate a conversation in the midst of our silence.

"Dunno" I responded.

We arrived at the Runway and there's a lot of people as well, Cameras everywhere and my mom greeting me. My mom's a professional model, who fucking else isn't professional in this family except for me yet. Louvié escorted me out of my car and walked me to my designated room.

— end of chapter 1.

[shinra-makonoid]

I came out of this day a bit depressed and I'm not sure exactly why. We had a whole talk about palliative care and all, but as soon as I said that I have graduated after 2 years of studying, I felt incredibly diminished as a person. I am very vulnerable about this, and I wish I could explain why it happens in such a way (it's a mix of circonstances, money, being homeless then, psychiatric issues) but I don't really want to. I hate having that complex about myself, and it's not like not having a lot of diploma is a bad thing (it doesn't mean much about a person, proof is, I saw dumbasses having PhDs), but I think I feel that way because I'm majoritarily surrounded by people with more diplomas than I have, I guess? Even in my work. It's a real suffering, and a weird one, because it's not like anyone really makes me feel that way either for real. I imagine people look at me differently but it doesn't mean they do. I also am afraid constantly about the team feeling like I'm an outsider that is problematic, I try as much as I can to be open, polite and in general not take too much place anywhere, because I really really don't want to make them uncomfortable or cause issues.

The sadness I felt could also be the build up from tiredness (this is extremely tiring for me, despite the fact that I don't really do anything at all during the day except smile through my mask, say hello, nod and listen listen listen, obviously I ask a bunch of questions and read stuff but like... Yeah lmao). Which I guess should be taking into account, if I'm tired for 2 days, maybe it means I won't have the strenght to actually do it at all? But it could also be because I'm not having enough calories compared to the energy needed to go through a whole day either (and I ate more these past days due to that effect, I have to walk 1h40 a day just for transportation, and it's not all flat, so just that is demanding, and then there's a lot more walking included during the day too, etc). It could also be the general depression I feel these days, so idk. I wake up earlier than my alarm, and I do feel rested, it's just during the day that it's harder, and when I come home my whole body is tired.

And finally it could just be the patients. Like, some being in a very bad state, especially when you see the families, is heartbreaking, and I don't know those people at all but I know their sadness. Some patients are very lonely and you can see the sadness creasing deep their face. I don't think I've ever saw such expressive faces before. I never focused so much on how people look, but the doctor asks me how I feel patients are, so I'm very focused on that. If they can't talk, you have to look at their face to see whether they're in pain or not, if their body are comfortable or not, etc. Some are really endearing in their own way. Today one patient left (alive) and she was a very "fighting" patient, non compliant and all, but she was a scared old lady dealing with her shit like she can and in one day and a half I got attached to that old lady because I listened to her rant about how "covid is dumb" and that "youngsters today are always tired", you know?

"Funny" thing is that the tiredness and the depression only comes when I'm out of the hospital. It's like when I'm super stressed at work and I feel right, up until I'm in my home where I just roll in a ball and panic. I have to be very mindful of this, but I don't really know how, could be the tiredness that makes it all explodes too, I was pretty much fine during my meal today for ex.

I had my first internship day for palliative care and it was really interesting. Because they're less under pressure to deal with patients, the doctor had time to explain to me each patients, their issues, their meds, and understand better the function of the structure.

It was also very interesting to be on the side of doctors, dealing with (often ngl) very unreasonable families of patients (which is very understandable). And the communication issues between structures and inside the structure. Palliative care is social by nature so there's a lot of actors playing inside of it.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Hello! Hope you don't mind the random ask 🥺 You said after the newest episode that Mushitarou is one of your favorite BSD characters; could you talk a little about your thoughts on him/why you love him/his arc? He's one of my favorites too, and it makes me so so sad how underrated he is, because imo he's one of the most well-written and tragic characters in the entire series, despite how little screentime (pagetime?) he gets :' ) I wish more people would talk about him. Really hope that changes after the next episode 💚

I honestly almost screamed when I got this ask YES I CAN TALK ABOUT MUSHITARO. I CAN TALK ABOUT HIM ALL DAY.

Ok well first of all he is the poor little meow meow. Pathetic scrunkly man. I'm sorry but you can't deny that it's true. Even in-universe, it's like he's the BSD world's chew toy. He keeps getting kidnapped by different organizations with like. No breathing room in between. Give him a BREAK. Funnily enough, I enjoy and usually like to poke fun at these kinds of characters, but they're not typically my favourites. Mushitaro is, by far, an exception to my usual favourite character types.

Second, I am a lover of bittersweet tragic storylines. Yeah. Honestly, the way the storyline built to the slow reveal - I knew immediately after Poe mentioned the water droplets that they were his tears, and I was starting to suspect what was really going on, but the way it was unraveled was so, so painful and beautifully done. Even knowing it was coming today when I watched the episode, it still hurt.

Thirdly, Mushitaro's circumstances raise some intriguing questions we still don't have answered. He was captured by the Seventh Agency and made to work for them with his ability - he considers them a worse alternative to Dostoevsky and refers to them as tyrants. (We also know of another shadowy organization that takes on ability users with useful skills for nefarious purposes, V. V also somehow managed to not be discovered by either the government or Ranpo in 13 years. I'm not saying there's a connection there but... but... there might be. 👀) Anyways, point is, there's stuff goin' on there. And I wanna know. (Also I like the motivation parallels with Ango very much.)

But most of all, I fully agree with you - he is very well-written. What I love most about his character is actually the way his narrative showcases what I believe to be some of the series' character writing's biggest strengths - to excellent (and heartbreaking) effect.

Characters are often revealed to be quite different than what their initial introductions would suggest. Later revelations serve to recontextualize earlier character cues - these early cues are often misleading but not outright lies.

To be clear, this isn't a hard or particularly unique thing in character writing - in fact, this is... kind of a minimum requirement. Your audience should be able to go back after the fact and notice new things about characters that you only get on re-read. But I find BSD is interesting for this because these initial impressions don't frequently tell you what these characters actually value - the "establishing moments" are often incredibly misleading. Mushitaro is an excellent example of this.

The best part of the perfect murder arc is the way it slowly unravels piece by piece - and as it unravels, more and more, we get to see the real Mushitaro. He starts off with these terrifying facial expressions, bragging and boasting about how he is the "detective killer" and how none stand in his way, cackling like a shallow cartoon villain. There's not much there to suggest a deeper character. Then there's the first flash to Yokomizo's murder, and Mushitaro appears to revel in it and the idea that he can't be caught. Another flashback shows him making these arrogant demands of a literal terrorist, like all his tableware being silver and porcelain and having access to a library of occult books for his study. Ok dude. This all paints the picture of a selfish individual, primarily concerned with expensive things and money and image - all things that perfectly fit Ranpo's initial conjecture as to the kind of person behind the Kindaichi murder. And just like Ranpo later says, it's a little too perfect.

The reveal builds slowly but surely, and Mushitaro's built-up image as a dramatic, remorseless murderer crumbles. Because he didn't kill out of hatred at all. He killed Yokomizo because Yokomizo asked him to do so. Because this, and the legacy of a mystery that transcended fiction into reality, was his only friend's dying wish. It was enough for Mushitaro to delay his escape just to fulfill it - what Ranpo refers to as a kind of willing self-destruction.

What Mushitaro ultimately values then is honouring the wishes of those he cares about and repaying those he owes. He will take the secret of Yokomizo's ultimate mystery to his grave. He used what he likely thought were his last moments alive to grab the transceiver and warn Ranpo about the danger the Agency was in. He only decided to trust Ango after Ango admitted his use of the Seventh Agency was to honour Oda's memory and wishes.

So, going back and re-reading his intro again, it becomes more clear that he was suffering from a kind of cognitive dissonance. "But wasn't he just playing the role he was supposed to?" No. He wasn't. The first flashback to Yokomizo's murder is much more violent and ends with Mushitaro cackling and going into a full villain monologue when there is no one else around but him. There's no one to perform this role for - except Mushitaro himself.

Both the killing and the ensuing grief stemmed from the exact same source - Mushitaro loved his friend deeply. But there is, I believe, no small amount of bitterness too, for the way they argued frequently, and the way his friend asked this of him. It's practically irreconcilable in his mind, and so Mushitaro leans into his role as the evil perpetrator who hated Yokomizo to such a degree that I honestly think he started to believe it - Mushitaro, with two narratives in his mind running parallel to each other that are fundamentally conflicting, tried to make a monster of himself. Insisted on being the monster, at least until Ranpo made it impossible for him to deny the true motive behind his actions - protecting his friend's last wish.

Fittingly for the climactic reveal of a mystery storyline that blurs fiction and reality, Mushitaro's real-life grief was his perfect fictional role's undoing.

Is he boastful? Arrogant? A bit of a coward? Absolutely. But Mushitaro is no monstrous villain - he is a man unable to confront his grief over his friend's death, and who, ultimately, doesn't intend any real harm.

Because other than Yokomizo, revealed as an agreed upon assisted suicide - Mushitaro never murdered anyone.

2. Characters are not cured of their pain and trauma. They continue to struggle with it during their development and it actively impacts the way they view and interact with the world around them.

Mushitaro's story is heavily themed around grief and his consistent denial of it's effects on him. At first, he denies by embodying the role Yokomizo wanted him to play - it seems to the point where he legitimately started to lose it. He's slipping when we first meet him. In a weird way, for as much as Ranpo tore his perfect crime apart... I feel like he also saved him, in a sense. The dissonance he was experiencing likely only would've gotten worse if he had not been forced to speak the truth aloud.

After that point... the denial focuses solely on the idea that Mushitaro doesn't miss Yokomizo at all. That he's doing just fine and Yokomizo should be jealous (he's far from fine; he doesn't even see a point in going outside anymore now that he won't be able to see his friend) and that he hated him (he doesn't. he never did. but he has to. he can't deal with it.).

Another thing I really like about his arc is that Mushitaro's grief also clearly stems from the entire thing being traumatic for him - but neither Yokomizo nor Mushitaro are demonized or victimized for this; rather the situation is just shown as it is. It's nice, that the story allows the reader/viewer to draw their own judgements. Both had their reasons for their actions - Yokomizo was already dying and wanted to go out in a way that was meaningful to him, while Mushitaro chose to fulfill this wish in spite of the cost to him. They both mutually self-destructed, in a way.

The narrative doesn't frame either as the villain. It doesn't fully frame either in victimhood either. It's a tragedy all the same.

Mushitaro continues to see and hear Yokomizo wherever he goes, not because he can't get rid of him... but because he never wanted him to be gone in the first place. Stabbing me would hurt less I think. :/

3. Characters often grow and change before they consciously realize it or have any sort of "epiphany".

This ties in a lot with the ongoing theme of uncertainty, and I above all really like this aspect of the series. BSD has characters grow and change and try to be better, do better by themselves and others... without being sure of the outcome. Sometimes before they're ready to consciously admit a change is necessary. There are few epiphanies. The characters are forced to slog through hardship and only then suddenly realize how far they've come - for better or for worse.

Mushitaro does change, even in the short span of time he is a focus character. I love the first little signs of it too - Mushitaro, who doesn't even like mystery novels, uses a trick Yokomizo told him about to help himself, Atsushi and Kyouka escape. Look at him :')

Afterwards, he starts to wonder if he can see Yokomizo whenever he enters a locked room - as in, if connecting to the memory of his friend through what he loved in life will mean that he keeps that memory alive.

And as annoyed as he is with Poe's attempts to get him to write a mystery... a part of him is happy to be around people that he could start to consider his friends. Enough that the Yokomizo he hallucinates wonders if maybe he doesn't need him there anymore. And finally Mushitaro bursts.

But this is actually good. He's finally past that denial phase, the part that had him talking about hate when really he missed him all along. Thing is, he'd already been developing and changing by this point, in that he needed the growth to come to terms with this truth, and it was not the truth that drove the growth.

In a sense, Mushitaro working through his grief and uncertainty led him to a brighter outcome, one where he has more friends and can start anew. He lost the closest person in his life. But his arc continuously asserts that in spite of the fact that he will always miss his friend, Mushitaro himself is still alive. And he should live that life - both moving forward and keeping the memory of his friend with him.

Odasaku believed that writing a novel was to write people. Poe was so insistent on getting him to write because it's a way of seeing the people we want to see anytime we want.

What a beautiful character arc, that began with fiction as an escape from real-life pain, and concluded with fiction as a means to work through it and with it instead.

Plus he's just such a funky little dude.

I. Love. Mushitaro.

[halfmoondaze]

hii, can i request a jack x reader (angst to fluff)? tysm :)

This day couldn't have gone any worse than it already has. Today was your history final, and you were 100% sure you failed it, considering you turned it in completely blank. You were sure everyone else noticed, and you felt like a failure, stupid and ashamed. And if that wasn't bad enough, you also had to deal with your father destroying your self-esteem over the phone about how little you cared about his efforts.

You looked over your phone to find over 20 messages and 9 missed calls from Jack. You turned off your phone and decided to call it a night went to bed.

You woke up sometime around 7 pm and then the memories from what happened earlier started to hit you and you felt sad again. But you decided to brush it off as you had to get something to eat.

You started walking to the kitchen when a voice startled you.

"Y/N"

"hey, what are you doing here?"

"What you mean what I'm doing here? We had plans remember?"

A big wave of guilt instantly hit as you remembered the plans you made 2 months in advance to see each other.

"I'm sorry I must have forgotten"

"I can see that" he said annoyed. "Well, we can still go out, I'll wait for you to get changed"

"Jack, I can't go out right now. I'm not feeling good. I think I'm on my period" you lied.

He looked at you confused.

"You told me you had your period a week ago"

"Fuck" you internally cursed at yourself as you were now caught in a lie.

"Y/N what's going on?"

"Nothing"

"It's not nothing, you've been avoiding me all day, and now that I took a flight from L.A. here to see you, you don't even want to see me"

"I'm so sorry, I-" you apologized but stopped yourself mid-sentence as your voice started to crack.

As Jack took a quick look at you he noticed your eyes were red from crying and your lip was trembling. So, he pulled you into a hug and you completely broke down crying.

He just hold you for the next 10 minutes until you calmed down. He didn’t asked you any questions or commented on your constant apologies.

Eventually you fell asleep while you were sitting in the couch.

When you woke up the next morning, you were hit with the smells of pancakes, eggs and bacon.

You look around to see Jack placing a breakfast spread on the table probably from some diner nearby.

“Look who's up”

You walked over the table and you were greeted by Jack smiling at you.

“Hey”

“Hey”

“um about last night-”

“We don't have to talk about this right now, let’s just enjoy this. I missed you” he said as he kissed the top of your head.

The both of you enjoyed breakfast with Jack doing most of the conversation trying to cheer you up; which made you feel more guilty inside for avoiding him.

After breakfast he cleared the table and offered you to watch a film. Which you agreed.

However, you were having a hard time concentrating on the film and Jack was quick to notice but didn't wanted to push you.

Once the film was over, you felt the need to tell him what was going on. Part of you knew he was worried about you and the last thing you wanted was for him to feel responsible over your sudden change of mood.

When you looked up at him he looked back at you with a half smile in way encouraging you to say what you wanted to say.

“I’m sorry about last night”

“Its ok, Im not mad at you”

“You're not?”

“No, but I am worried about you. Tell me what’s wrong I want to help you” he said holding your hand.

You looked down.

“I’m pretty sure I failed all my classes including history. I told my dad about it and he yelled at me for what felt like hours over the phone. I feel so stupid because I literally turn in the assignment completely blank because I completely forgot everything I tried to study for the past two weeks. I guess I didn’t call you back because I was so ashamed”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t”

“There’s no need to apologize, its ok” he said softly as he hugged you.

“I feel like my life is over”

“That’s not true. It’s going to be ok; I’ll help you figure this out”

“You will do that for me?”

“Of course. You didn’t though I was going to let you go through this by yourself, did you?”

[chaeryybomb]

BRUTAL

pairings: female reader x best friend!jungwon

summary: they told you that these were the golden years, but to you "golden" was a rusting metal spray painted yellow. the story of a seventeen year old trying to survive high school when all you do is try your best. but your best friend jungwon makes it worth the while. 

genre: high school au, friends to lovers, fluff, tiny bits of angst if you squint, attempt at humour

featuring: jang wonyoung, kim sunoo & nishimura riki 

word count: 4.5k 

warnings: reader having a existential crisis most of the time, strong language, mentions of insecurity

the sour series masterlist

You slumped forward the moment the bell rang, letting your head hit the table. You could care less if a bruise would form on your forehead, you had much bigger things to worry about. Your teacher left the class wordlessly as the class was busy doing their own thing. And by that, everyone was buried nose deep in studying. You lifted your head to see the different books of the same topic scattered on your desk, a yellow highlighter balancing on the edge of your table.

Reaching over to grab the highlighter, you turned your head over to the side to look at your desk mate. Wonyoung sat there looking straight out from a k-drama, with her hair flowing down her back perfectly and her slender nimble fingers moving as she continuously wrote in her notebook. She was smart too, fluent in English and Korean, great at maths and science. And on top of that she was kind and friendly, everyone loved her. You did too, you had the honour of calling her your best friend. But sometimes you felt insecure around her, everything she did looked flawless and there you were just trying your best.

"Ack!" You yelped as you sat up straight, holding your forehead. Wonyoung rolled her eyes at you with a small smile on her lips, she had flicked your forehead to get you out of your thoughts.

Without taking her eyes off the textbook, she tapped your own workbook with her pen. Silently telling you to stop procrastinating. You pouted at her and looked at the clock, 10 minutes before lunch. Maybe a walk to the girl's bathroom would do you some good.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you whispered to Wonyoung. She nodded and smiled at you before you walked out.

As you strolled towards the girl's bathroom, you passed by the bulletin board outside your class. A bright blue poster stood out with the words "ENJOY YOUR YOUTH" in white. Scoffing at the message, you continued on your way.

"I'm seventeen now, where's my fucking teenage dream?" You muttered to yourself. You were tired of waiting for your life to end up like a coming of age movie. Everyone told you that these were the golden years and you should enjoy your youth, but you swear to god if you hear another one of those cheesy sayings, you might just cry on the spot.

Reaching over to open the stall door, you halt in your actions when you heard familiar voices talking.

"I'm so worried for finals, my parents are gonna kill me if I fail English again," a girl complained. You hear the sound of tap water running. "How are you so calm during this time, Mirae?'

"What's the use of studying hard anyways," the second girl, Mirae, said. "We all know the top spots are gonna be taken by Jang Wonyoung and Yang Jungwon, I just study enough to pass."

The other girl snorted at her reply. "Imagine if those two got together, the power couple of the year," she suddenly said.

"Poor Y/N then, she's gonna be over shadowed by them."

"As if she already isn't. I almost forgot they were a trio until you mentioned Y/N," the girl laughed.

"What can I say? They're out of her league," Mirae joined in with her laughter.

The two voices faded away as you heard the door closed. Finally pushing the door open, you looked at your reflection. Your eyebrows knitted in annoyance and your face was morphed in a scowl. You washed your hands aggressively and poked the inside of your cheek. What bugged you was that they were right. You were the black sheep between Wonyoung and Jungwon. Both of them were smart and amazing, and you're just…you.

You love your best friends, you truly do. But you were constantly compared to them and you hated it. Everyone wanted them, you watched as guys tripped over to confess to Wonyoung and girls squealing when Jungwon smiled at them. The two of them always reassured you that you weren't beneath them but you were sick of their sympathy. You're so caught up in the news of who likes you and who hates them. You just wished people liked you more.

Storming out of the bathroom, someone accidentally ran into you and caused you to fell onto your butt. The student immediately stood up and scurried off, not bothering to even a mutter an apology. All I did was try my best and this is the thanks I get, you thought bitterly.

They said that these were the golden years, but you wished you could just disappear. God, it's brutal out here.

"Y/N, wait up!" Jungwon called after you.

You stopped in your tracks as you watched Jungwon waved goodbye to some students before jogging towards you.

"You heading to cram school today?" He asked you as the both of you fell into the same walking rhythm.

You shook your head, clasping your hands behind. "I moved it to Thursday instead, Wonyoung said I had to many things on Tuesday," you told him. Originally, you would be heading to the library to study before heading over to the cram school. But Wonyoung took one look at your schedule and decided that you did not had enough breaks, so she managed to convince you to take the Thursday slot instead. Thursdays are one of the days where you would not go to the library.

Jungwon seemed to be disappointed to find out that you had switched slots. Maybe he should changed slots too, but does he have any empty spots open for Thursday though? He'd have to check later. Instead, he coughed and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"Do you wanna come over later? The new Demon Slayer movie is out," he offered, hoping that you'd accept.

Unfortunately, you once again shook your head. "Sorry Jungwon, I'd want to cram even more later. Finals are really creeping in and I can't afford to waste any time," you told him with a sad smile. As much as you would like to ditch the books and watch Demon Slayer, the glaring C on your last history paper was telling you otherwise.

You stopped walking when you had reached your doorstep. "Thanks for walking me home, Jungwon. See you tomorrow!" and with that you disappeared behind the door.

Jungwon waved goodbye as he watched the door closed. The smile on his face dropped and his shoulder sagged. Jungwon you idiot, of course she would want to study, he scolded himself. With disappointment on his face, he trudged home with a heavy heart.

"Change of plans, guys," he announced as he swung the front door open, unfazed by the fact that Riki and Sunoo were lounging on his coach. He accepted the fact that Sunoo had somehow gotten the keys to his house (suspecting that his mother probably gave it to him due to favouritism or maybe Riki had sneakily made a copy).

Riki's head poked out from the couch. "She rejected you, didn't she," the younger boy said with a smirk.

Jungwon's face ears turned red as he glared at the boy. "No she did not!" He immediately told him. "She rejected the offer to watch the movie, that's different!"

"That's basically rejection, hyung," Riki laughed.

The other boy just glared at him. "Shut up!" he sputtered out before hiking up the stairs.

Sunoo gave Riki a look, to which the Japanese boy just shrugged his shoulders innocently.

Jungwon walked out from the shower, a towel around his neck with one hand running through his damp hair. Sunoo and Riki had left earlier, finally giving him some peace and quiet. His phone screen was flashing from his study table, initiating that someone was spamming him (quite aggressively) with text message. With a raised eyebrow, he picked up his phone

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: WHY DID Y/N JUST MESSAGED ME ABOUT HOMEWORK

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: ISNT SHE WITH YOU

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: I THOUGHT YOU SAID U WERE GONNA WATCH A MOVIE

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: DEMON HUNTER OR SMTG

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: WHY IS SHE ASKING ME FOR HW

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: DID U CHICKEN OUT???

[7:13 pm] wonyoung: omg u chickened out didnt u

[7:14 pm] jungwon: jfc wonyoung

[7:15 pm] jungwon: and no i did not chicken out okay

[7:15 pm] jungwon: she declined

[7:16 pm] jungwon: she said she had to study ;-;

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: omg u suck

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: i told u the movie idea was dumb

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: but do u ever listen to me

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: no

[7:19 pm] wonyoung: and now u suffer the consequences

[7:20 pm] jungwon: yea yea i get it im dumb

[7:20 pm] jungwon: now what's ur solution the great jang wonyoung

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: i am so glad u asked :)

[7:21 pm] jungwon: oh no

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: stfu im giving u a better idea

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: a n y w a y s

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: my ynradar is going off and she's s a d

[7:23 pm] jungwon: how would u know

[7:23 pm] jungwon: she seemed fine today

[7:23 pm] wonyoung: stfu jungwon its best friend things u wont understand

[7:24 pm] jungwon: i-

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: and as her future bf u SHOULD start to train ur ynradar

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: anw its exam season stoopid

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and its when those kids start to talk abt how the both of us are gonna get top scores

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and they talk down on y/n while doing so

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: assholes

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: so i propose to u

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: a ✨ study date ✨

[7:28 pm] jungwon: i

[7:29 pm] jungwon: that's

[7:29 pm] jungwon: actually not a bad idea

[7:30 pm] wonyoung: obv i came up with it

[7:31 pm] jungwon: can u not

[7:31 pm] wonyoung: anw a study date

[7:32 pm] wonyoung: she's struggling in maths

[7:33 pm] wonyoung: specifically taxes because she said and i quote

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: "why do we have to do taxes when we pay people to do it for us"

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: so pls help her and try to cheer her up

[7:35 pm] wonyoung: and confess coward

[7:36 pm] jungwon: i make no promises for the last one

[7:36 pm] wonyoung: aFTER EVERYTHING I JUST SAID

[7:37 pm] jungwon: what if she rejects me wonyoung

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: WE'VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION A LOT OF TIMES JUNGWON

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: SHE LIKES U BUT SHES TOO DUMB TO REALISE

[7:39 pm] jungwon: sigh

[7:40 pm] jungwon: fine i'll try thanks wonyoung

[7:41 pm] wonyoung: np i expect y'all to be a couple by next monday <3

[7:41 pm] jungwon: i-

Sighing for the nth time of the night, Jungwon sat on his bed. He allowed the towel to slipped off his shoulders as his thumb hovered over your chat icon. Truth be told, he always thought his crush on you was unrequited love. You never showed any signs of returning of feelings so he thought he would just ignore the feeling until it was gone.

But oh boy was he wrong, because he didn't knew that he would be spending his high school years by your side. And now you occupy his mind 24/7. Wonyoung could literally tell that he was in love with you, but somehow you never caught on. He allowed Sunoo and Riki to convince him to do the whole "movie date idea", but that failed. So Wonyoung's suggestion was his only option left.

He typed out the message, ready to send it out. If only he could just press the button. Come on Yang Jungwon, you can do this. Just press the damn button Jungwon. Suddenly his phone pinged loudly, scaring the lights out of the poor boy as he yelped and his phone landed with a thud on the ground. He peered over his bed, as if his phone was a ticking bomb.

Oh, it was a message from you.

[8:01 pm] y/n: hey do u know where wonyoung is

[8:01 pm] y/n: she isn't answering my texts

Oh no. He realised that your chat was open, the two ticks indicated that he had (unintentionally) read the message. He couldn't just leave you on read. That's just evil. Scrambling to get his phone, he immediately typed a reply to cover for the other girl.

[8:02 pm] jungwon: sorry i don't :/

[8:02 pm] jungwon: what do u need her for

[8:03 pm] y/n: mf was supposed to teach me a maths question but she left me on rEAD

This was his chance! It was the perfect opportunity for him to score a date with you. Okay, breathe in breath out Jungwon. Don't mess it up and just ask her, he mentally prepared himself.

[8:04 pm] jungwon: oh i could help you if you want

[8:04 pm] jungwon: yk with finals coming up and everything, i can help you study

[8:05 pm] jungwon: if you want of course

[8:05 pm] y/n: omg srsly??

[8:06 pm] jungwon: pls help me study my braincells are literally dying

[8:07 pm] jungwon: jdsjkda okay how about this saturday at your place?

[8:08 pm] y/n: yeah sure

[8:08 pm] jungwon: cool its a date then!

You blinked at Jungwon's message. A date? Wait, did Yang Jungwon just indirectly asked you out? Nah, nah. You were overthinking it. Yes, definitely overthinking. Don't kid yourself, why would Jungwon ask you out on a date? Jungwon is just a friend, you tried to convince yourself.

Keyword: tried.

If he really was just a friend, then why did it felt like butterflies were in your stomach when he said "it was a date"? Then why did you frowned when those girls said that Wonyoung and Jungwon would make a good couple?

Oh god, do you have feelings for your best friend?

Saturday came faster than you would have liked it to. Ever since that last chat with Jungwon, it gave you the sudden realisation that you did in fact had feelings for your best friend. You tried so hard to avoid him in school because you don't want the butterflies back in your stomach. It was basically confirming the fact that you like him. Well, avoiding him also confirmed the fact but you choose to be in denial about it.

You didn't tell Wonyoung about your study date but lately she's been sending you outfit ideas on Pinterest. Specifically, date outftis. And whenever you tried to ask her a question about school, she brushed you off with a random excuse. So it left you no choice but to save those questions for Jungwon.

Speaking of Jungwon, he had texted you 10 minutes ago that he was on the way. You were standing in the middle of your room with your hands on your hips. Both of your parents were out for the day, which left you alone at home. You had taken out the low table to be used later and it was currently in front of you. Colourful workbooks were neatly stacked on top of it.

You did a 360 turn around your room. Was it messy? You cleaned it this morning when you woke up. Did you had any clothes out? No, doesn't look like it. For some reason, you were a nervous wreck. You blamed Jungwon. He just had to call this a date, didn't he.

Should you change? Maybe you should finally look through all those pins Wonyoung sent. Wait, no, why would you have to change into something nice. Jungwon was here to help you study, just that.

Yeah, a study date, your mind emphasised on the word.

The sound of the doorbell pulled you out from your thoughts. You immediately went to open the door. Yang Jungwon stood there on the other side, with his signature smile. Had he always resembled a sheep? He just looked so fluffy.

"Hey!" You greeted him with a smile, internally wincing at your way-too-enthusiastic voice.

But Jungwon didn't seem to mind it. "Hey!" he greeted back.

You moved to the side to let him in. "Thank you for having me," he said as he bowed then proceeded to remove his shoes.

"Uh, do you want anything? Water?" You asked him.

He shook his head.

"Ah, cool. Let's head to my room," you started to walk back to your room.

"Where are your parents?" He asked.

"Out," you simply replied.

That was when it dawned upon you, that your parents were not home. Leaving you and Jungwon, alone. Together. In your room. Alone. With the boy you potentially have a crush on.

"Y/N?" Jungwon tapped on your shoulder. You had stopped walking when you were suddenly washed over by your thoughts. Snapping out of it, you sent him a small smile before opening the room to your door.

The both of you shuffled into your bedroom, you sat down in front of the low table while Jungwon settled down next to you. He moved to take out his books then turned to you. "How about we do some studying and if you have any questions, you can ask me okay?" He said.

You nodded and flipped your own workbook open, immediately starting to work on the first question. Jungwon copied your action and a comfortable silence engulfed the both of you. As the time passed, you found yourself stuck on a certain maths question.

You slightly turned your head to the side to look at Jungwon. He was concentrated at doing his work, you felt a sense of deja vu while looking at him. He resembled Wonyoung when she was studying. At the thought of Wonyoung, you suddenly thought of what those girls said at the bathroom.

They would make a good couple, wouldn't they, you thought. The power couple of the year.

The butterflies in your stomach faded away into an uncomfortable feeling. Just the idea of them getting together already made you sick. You bit the inside of your cheek, you really did had feelings for him. And now it scared you because what if he doesn't feel the same. You made a mental note to consult with Wonyoung later, at least you hope that you'll allow yourself to tell her.

Jungwon must've noticed you staring and gently tapped your head with his pencil. A contrast to when Wonyoung painfully flicked your forehead.

"What's wrong? Are you stuck on a question?" He asked.

You leaned back a bit at the sudden action. You were so deep in your insecurities that you had totally forgotten about the literal problem sitting in front of you. Yet you couldn't even bother to ask him so you just shook your head. "I'm gonna get something to drink," you said instead.

Jungwon watched as you stood up, then decided to follow you as well. "I'll come along."

The boy joined you in the kitchen, perched on one of the island stools as you grabbed a can of soda from the fridge. He studied your movement as you worked around the kitchen. Your features were neutral, you weren't smiling nor frowning. But he could tell that your shoulders were tensed. Wonyoung was right, you did seem down. And he cursed himself for not noticing earlier.

"You okay?" His question made you stopped in a mid-pour stance, the can of soda was tilted but not enough for the contents to be poured out.

You brushed his question off and poured the drink into the cup. "Yeah," you hummed.

Unconvinced by your answer, he pried more. "You know you shouldn't care about what they say, right?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, pretending like you didn't understand where he was coming from.

"You're not below us, you know that right?"

You couldn't help but scoffed at his words. Jungwon's lips tugged downwards "I'm being serious here, Y/N," his tone was stern. "You shouldn't listen to what they say. You're more than just-"

The sound of the can being slammed down shuts him up. Your fingers tightened around the can as you looked at him. You didn't had the energy to hear him preach the same old "Don't Listen To Them" speech. You don't need his pity.

"I don't want to hear it, Yang Jungwon," you said through gritted teeth. Not sparing him another glance, you threw the empty can into the trash as you grabbed your glass.

As you walked past Jungwon, he suddenly reached out and held onto your forearm. "Y/N," he said softly. "Please tell me what's wrong."

You sighed and slowly turn around to face him, placing the glass back on the counter. You took in a deep breath before you opened your mouth. "I feel like I'm not enough," you finally said. "Everything I do just doesn't seem enough. All I'm doing is my best but it's just crushing my ego because everyone is telling me that you're better than me."

"I feel like no one wants me and I hate the way I'm perceived. It's always poor Y/N this and poor Y/N that's because everyone just sees me as your shadow and I fucking hate it. I only have two real friends," you gestured wildly. "And lately I'm a nervous wreck cause I keep comparing myself to the two of you. I'm not cool and I'm not smart, and I can't even parallel park!" You threw your hands up in frustration, the feelings you kept inside were pouring out like a waterfall.

Jungwon just stood there as he listened tentatively to every word. He didn't knew that you felt this way, bottling up all your emotions like that.

"And I'm so tired of people telling me to enjoy my youth and that these are the golden years. I might just fucking cry if I hear those words again," you finished ranting. It felt good, it felt like a weight on your heart has been lifted. Then you remembered that you just dumped all of it on Jungwon.

You opened your mouth to apologise to him but he surprised you by pulling him into his arms. At first you were standing stiffly at the sudden contact, but it took a millisecond for you to melt in his embrace. His arms were gently around your back and you returned the hug by wrapping your arms around his torso. The two of you stay in that position for awhile, relishing in each other's embrace. You definitely needed this hug.

Tightening your hold on Jungwon, you realised how important he was to you. He was your best friend and he was always there for you. It was stupid of you to compare yourself to him, when all he did was tried his best for you. The taller boy chuckled when he felt you rubbed your face into his shoulder, he involuntarily released a contented sigh. You felt one of his hands stroked your hair, it felt comforting. That action itself was enough for the butterflies to slowly settled back in you.

After a while, both of you finally (unwillingly) released each other. He pushed a strand of hair behind your ears and said, "You're wrong by the way." Which made you tilt your head in genuine confusion.

"You are cool and you are smart. You're like the coolest person I know. And no one thinks of you as our shadow, you don't hear it but I've always hear the juniors praising you for helping them and how enthusiastic you are," the way he delivered his words was filled with pure awe for you.

"And who cares if you can't parallel park. You didn't hear it from but Jay hyung failed his drivers test three times just because he couldn't parallel park," and that got a laugh out from you. Jungwon smiled proudly that he managed to make you laugh. "And you're wrong when you said no one wants you. I want you."

You blinked once, twice and thrice. He wanted you? "You're just saying that cause you're my best friend," you replied.

"No," he firmly said. "I like you, Y/N."

(Jungwon doesn't know where he got this sudden surge of confidence, but the mood was the perfect time for him to confess. It was a one time chance and he had to take it.)

You chuckled. "I like you too, Jungwon. We are friends aren't we?"

"No, Y/N. I like you. More than friends."

"Oh." Oh.

"Yeah," he scratched the back of neck awkwardly. Oh no, did you not feel the same way?

While you on the other hand, were malfunctioning on the inside. Your best friend just confessed to you and you were frozen on the spot. Why couldn't he had done it over text instead. If he had done it over text, then you could've left the message unread and you could've spammed Wonyoung for help. But the thing is that it wasn't over text and you couldn't just tell him to wait here while you panicked to Wonyoung in your bathroom.

Yang Jungwon likes you. And you like him too, right? Because if you didn't, your cheeks won't be heating up right now and your heart would have not be beating rapidly like it was going to break your rib cage any second. If you didn't like him, there would have never been butterflies in your stomach. Yeah. You like Yang Jungwon, you like him a lot.

"Me too," you whispered, it was soft but it was enough for him to pick it up. Jungwon eyes snapped to you, doe eyed filled with hope. "I like you, too," you said, this time louder. And you made sure you looked him in the eye when you confessed.

You watched as Jungwon's mouth morphed into a big grin. He let out a sigh of relief and dropped to his knees, surprising you. "Jungwon!" you squeaked, bending down to help him.

"I'm fine! I'm fine," he assured you as he stood up with your help. The grin on his face was still there. "It's just that … you like me," he breathed out. "You like me back, wow. I-I can't believe it."

Your face was definitely burning with embarrassment. You punched him lightly on the shoulder, turning away to hide your face. "Believe it, you dork. I like you, okay!" Somehow his grin was able to grew wider at your words, Gently, he took your hand in his.

"How about we stop this study date, and I'll take you out on real date?"

© chaeryybomb 2021

a/n: thank you so much for reading this <3

[maplecornia]

chapter 8

𝔴𝔬𝔯𝔡 𝔠𝔬𝔲𝔫𝔱: 3.23K

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢: romance | slice of life | fluff | angst | bts x female!reader | ot7

𝔰𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶: You watched them from the sidelines ever since you were a young teenage girl. Now you’re grown up, they’ve returned after 2 long years and everything has changed. What happens when you pull back the mask and find the darkness within? What happens when you see that they’re broken?

𝔞/𝔫: i'm sorry, but i AM SO PROUD OF THE BANNER I DID FOR THIS CHAPTER

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰: cliffhangers | angst | fluff | slight mentions of self hatred | depression | mental health illness | self harm | occurs in the year 2024 | set in a timeline where BTS went to the military together | slight language

tags:@kookaine |@fangirl125reader |@kookiebbyxx |@taradevonne

Kim Taehyung never thought he’d see you again.

He presses himself against the wall, petrified. Heart pounding in his throat. His stomach clenching and tying itself into a knot. His breath coming fast, he wonders if he's hallucinating.

He wonders if this is just a dream.

If he drank a bit too much last night.

Even though he only drank grape juice last night.

Even though he remembers the way Jimin kicked him out of bed this morning.

Nevertheless, he can't help wondering if he is somehow imagining this.

Because you can't be here right now. You just can't, it's too much of a coincidence.

Your face flashing into his mind, he tries to shake it away. Tries to reassure himself that he was just hallucinating, that you aren't here. But as he looks around the corner, and sees you staring at Jungkook in horror at what you had done, he knows that this is real.

Inwardly, he smiles thinking to himself, She is like this with everyone.

For some reason this makes his heart constrict in pain and he pauses to take in your face.

You have broken out of your trance, and are offering the towel to Jungkook with a sweet smile on your face.

The same way you smiled at him before.

Part of him wants to walk over there, and say hello. But another part, a larger part, feels as though that would do no good.

After all, he's already met you.

And you didn't recognize him.

Looking away almost sadly, he rests his head back against the wall, cursing himself.

How could he be so stupid? Normally he doesn't feel this way, normally he can keep these feelings in check.

Why should it matter to him if you look really pretty today? Why should he care if your quirkiness is adorable? Why should it bother him if you're talking to another guy? Why should he care that its Jungkook, of all people?

What should it matter to him?

He’s only met you once so how could he have all these complicated feelings already?

The sad truth is, that he does have these feelings.

And he doesn't know what to do with them. After all, you don't even remember him. And even if you did, you wouldn't know that it was him. You didn't even recognize him as he was standing there, mere feet away from you on the Hangang bridge.

He can still remember that moment. As he watched you, a strange girl, hop out of a taxi in the middle of the bridge. How you didn't even notice him standing there, watching with confused amusement. He can still feel the impact as you fell on top of him, in a tangle of arms and legs. The heartbeat in his ears as you rolled off of him and ended up mere inches from him on the ground.

And he can still remember the feeling that erupted in his chest as your eyes met.

Groaning, he runs his hand over his face before almost reluctantly peeking around the corner again. He watches as you hand Jungkook the coffee can and smile up at him brightly, the same way you smiled at Tae once before.

He tries to ignore the harsh tightening of his chest as he watches the encounter. He tries to tell himself that it doesn't bother him, that you are nothing to him.

Just a sweet stranger.

Just someone who brightened his life unlike it's ever been before.

At that thought, he finds himself unwilling to let you smile at anyone else except for him. Of course, you can smile at anyone the way you like. After all, to you, he’s no one, just a man who gave you his beret on a whim.

A man who didn't even tell you his name.

As Jungkook leaves, waving after you, Taehyung turns away. Behind the safety of his corner, he tries to build up his courage, ]to walk out there and meet you, face to face.

No mask, no lies, nothing between you two except who you are and how you feel.

But just as he steps out of his hiding space, taking a deep breath, someone taps him on the shoulder, causing him to let out a startled yelp.

The entire lobby turns to look his way at the sound, and he just barely manages to hide behind the corner before you look his way in curiosity.

Taehyung doesn't have to look to know that the one who hijacked his plan is Park Jimin.

He waits behind Taehyung smirking in amusement at his best friend's reaction. As he opens his mouth to say something, Taehyung places his hand expertly over Jimin's mouth, silencing all sound. Startled, Jimin’s eyes widen and he tries to speak, but all that results is incomprehensible muffled sounds from beneath Taehyung’s blockade.

Giving Jimin a harsh look, Taehyung motions for him to shut up. Jimin pouts in response before rolling his eyes as Tae frantically scans the room for you.

Spying you in the same place as before, he watches as you study the forms on the clipboard once more before heading to a seat in the small waiting room near the entrance. As soon as you sit down, behind a small clear wall, Taehyung lets out a relieved breath, sure that you won't notice him now.

He releases Jimin, who was once more struggling in Tae’s secure hold. Jimin backs up, gasping overdramatically for air. Taehyung rolls his eyes affectionately before shoving his friend lightly on the shoulder.

“Stop it.” Taehyung sighs, crossing his arms across his chest. “I hardly even touched you.”

Jimin pauses, like a cat caught in the middle of mischief. After looking side to side a bit guiltily, he straightens chuckling a bit to himself.

“Sorry, I couldn't help myself,” Jimin explains, and Taehyung rolls his eyes before turning around once more and staring at you.

He watches as you push back your hair, tucking it securely behind your ears so that it's out of the way. He smirks a bit at the gesture, finding it hilarious that no matter what you do, your hair can't seem to stop falling in front of your eyes. You're annoyed by it at first, but after a while, it becomes a habit for you to push it back out of your face.

“Who is that?” Tae jumps at the sound of Jimin's voice so close to his ear. As he turns on him suddenly, Jimin withdraws coolly from where he was previously peering curiously over Taehyung’s shoulder. He raises his eyebrow as Tae’s ears turn bright pink.

“What are you talking about?” he hisses, pushing Jimin back behind the safety of the corner wall. “I wasn't looking at anyone.”

Jimin raises an eyebrow, confused.

“Yes, you were. You were looking at that girl, right over there.” He says, a bit too loudly for Taehyung's liking, as he pokes his head around the corner, and points your way. Frantically, Taehyung grabs Jimin's arm, shoving it down to his side before dragging Jimin once more behind the wall.

“Will you stop it? I told you I wasn't looking at her, so please stop drawing attention to yourself!” Taehyung hisses and Jimin blinks a bit stunned.

Taehyung normally doesn't act like this.

He's normally much more easygoing. Normally, whenever Jimin is acting a bit obnoxious, Taehyung joins in. For some reason, however, today is not one of those days.

As Taehyung looks around the corner once more, Jimin stares at him in perplexed curiosity.

“Okay, fine, you weren't looking at her,” Jimin says, and Taehyung lets go of him almost in relief.

If anyone were able to read through Tae’s feelings, it would be Jimin.

Sometimes it's annoying how much the two of them know each other, sometimes it's reassuring knowing that you will always have that one person on your side even when no one else is.

Either way, all Tae knows is that he cannot let Jimin know his conflicting emotions.

Not when Taehyung doesn't know or make sense of them himself.

He resumes scouting out the area once more, watching as you finish one page and head onto another. You tilt your head back, exasperated with how long that took, and let out a tired sigh. Taehyung finds his heart warming up at the cute and funny way you wear every emotion on your sleeve, and smiles at your little sigh.

Jimin pokes his head over Tae’s shoulder once more, squinting his eyes at you. As soon as he gets a good look at your face, you turn to glance out the little window that lets you see into the entrance where you entered the building not too long ago.

Jimin’s eyes widen at the sight of your bright eyes and he lets out a sharp intake of breath.

Tae turns to him, confused as Jimin steps back, pulling out his phone and scrolling through his recent downloads in his camera roll.

“Jimin? What are you doing?” Jimin doesn't answer Tae’s question until he finds his prize and turns to him, excited.

“Look,” Jimin demands, shoving the screen into Tae’s face. Rolling his eyes, Taehyung patiently takes it from him and peers down at the phone closely. As soon as he sees the picture Jimin has shown to him, his eyes widen the same way and he spins on his heel to take another look at you once more. He compares the photo to you, over and over again before confirming that it is you.

The same photo Jaejin sent to RM earlier this morning.

“Where did you get this?” Taehyung asks, showing Jimin the photo almost accusingly as though Jimin hasn't seen it before. Jimin scoffs, taking the phone away from Taehyung and glancing at the picture himself, doing the same comparison game as Tae had.

“It's her, right?” Jimin asks, Tae letting out an impatient sigh.

“Yes.” He answers. “But how did you--”

“RM sent it to me.” Jimin's voice is calm, sly almost. As though he has a secret waiting to be spilled, and he’s going to hold on to it long enough for Tae to spill his own.

Surprised, Tae doesn't speak for a moment, just watching Jimin as he slowly turns around to him, a smirk on his face.

“Don't you want to know how he got it?” he teases, and Tae, quickly noticing Jimin’s game, shakes himself out of his surprise running his hands through his hair.

“I….” he trails off, trying to find an answer that will satisfy the question but also keep his secret safe. His connection to the strange girl, the way they met, and every unspeakable, inexplainable thing that she has done to his heart. He can't let Jimin know.

Nobody can know.

Luckily, Jimin isn't planning to hold it in for much longer. He was never one for keeping secrets that weren't his own. He smiles, shoving Taehyung lightly on the shoulder as he moves down the hallway.

“Don't worry, I won't tell anyone.” He murmurs, heading towards the elevator where he came from. Almost reluctantly, Taehyung turns away from you and follows Jimin in panic.

“What are you talking about? Tell anyone what?” he asks, jogging to catch up to Jimin.

“That you have a crush on Namjoon's new assistant.” Jimin teases, turning to him and smirking up at Taehyung.

“She’s RM’s new assistant?” Tae wonders softly, before catching himself and shaking his head violently. “Wait….I don't have a crush on her!”

Jimin snorts as they reach the elevator doors and he presses the button before waiting patiently for the doors to open.

“Then why were you staring at her?” he asks, and Tae sighs in frustration. Jimin has the wrong idea.

There’s no possible way for anyone to start loving another person from just one encounter. There is no such thing as love at first sight, that's just people trying to justify being happy with the one they have chosen to spend the rest of their lives for. It's a phrase people use to fool themselves into thinking that there is some sort of destiny for them to end up with another.

Taehyung doesn't believe in that, he never has. However, he doesn't know if Jimin will understand his interest in you. Tae doesn't think Jimin will understand the connection he felt when he first met you. When he first talked to you. He doesn't think anyone will.

“I….” He begins, Jimin raising an incredulous eyebrow as he waits for the answer.

“I just thought her outfit was cute and was curious as to who she was. You know, maybe I could talk to her. Welcome her, make a new friend.” Taehyung spits out a bit too fast. Though Jimin doesn't quite seem to buy it, he looks away, nodding his head.

“Okay, I’ll believe you, but I still think there’s something else going on with you.” Jimin consents, the ding of the elevator doors opening and capturing his attention for a moment.

“What are you talking about? Nothing is going on.” Taehyung ponders, sidestepping to the side, as a few staff members walk out of the elevator.

Jimin and Taehyung bow respectfully, the staff doing the same before they take their place inside the elevator. The doors closing, Jimin responds, reaching to press the floor number they want to take.

“Yes, there is. You're acting especially weird today, and I suspect it has something to do with that girl.” Tae opens his mouth to respond, but Jimin holds up his hand, cutting him off. “Before we get into a fight about it, I’m just going to say I’m not going to assume anything, okay? If you say nothing is going on, I’ll believe you. But Taehyung, you know you can trust me right?”

“Of course!” Taehyung answers almost immediately.

It's the truth, he knows he can trust Jimin. He knows that his friend is probably the most reliable person to trust. Jimin knows Tae inside out, front to back, they are connected in the most intricate ways possible. Taehyung does not doubt that if there's someone he needed to place his life in the hands of, it would be Jimin. It wouldn't be that difficult, after all, Jimin already holds his heart, his soul, his life. They are just that close, a different kind of brotherly love, one that not many people understand.

This, however, is uncharted territory in Taehyung's body, and if Taehyung can't make sense of it, then how can his soulmate do the same?

This...this is something different.

“Trust me, Jimin. Nothing is going on. I'm just curious.” Taehyung reassures him, and Jimin nods, a moment of silence shortly following. Taehyung can tell Jimin doesn't quite believe him, and Jimin knows that he’s not getting the whole truth.

It’s strange, they normally tell each other everything, no matter how big or small.

Jimin doesn't understand why now would be any different. What could be so special about that girl that Taehyung would keep something from him?

What is it about her that Jimin wouldn't understand?

Shaking his head out of his dangerous thoughts, Jimin clears his throat and smiles, shaking his phone in front of Taehyung once more.

“You never answered me.” He starts, the beginning of a chuckle awaiting deep in his throat. Taehyung turns to him from staring out into space, looking confused.

“What?”

“Didn't you want to know how RM got this picture?” Jimin asks once more, and Tae smiles, before nodding, and settling next to Jimin against the wall of the elevator.

Jimin smiles, once more comfortable with the person he trusts the most in all the world before pulling up the picture once more. Both of them snort as they see it, the expression on your face causing them to smile.

“Who even makes a face like that when they eat?” Tae comments and Jimin chuckles softly, tapping the picture with a small finger as a thought comes to his mind.

“It kind of reminds me of Suga, when he ate that huge bite of salad. Do you remember?” Jimin responds, glancing at Tae who nods as the image comes to mind, his huge box smile making Jimin burst out in laughter.

“Remember?! It's such an iconic moment that even ARMY’s remember it.” Tae responds, tilting the phone so he can peer closer at the picture. “Now that you mention it though, she does kind of look like him.”

Jimin and Tae erupt into laughter, hardly noticing the ding of the elevator as the doors slide open.

Glancing up, Jimin slides the phone into his pocket, hitting Tae lightly on the shoulder before they walk out of the elevator and down the hallway, heading for the meeting room where they’ll be meeting with the rest of BTS.

“Anyway, RM got it from Jaejin, his assistant manager.” Jimin continues, and Tae looks at him, surprised.

“Jaejin? Why would Jaejin be sending RM pictures of a girl? Is there something he’s not telling us?” Taehyung asks, half-joking, and Jimin laughs, shaking his head.

“No, Jae sent it to him because he and his girlfriend were invited to model for fashion week. They were called away for training and Jaejin told RM that his friend will be able to take his place until he is done.” Jimin explains and Taehyung nods, trying to ignore the sudden panic in his chest at the thought of working with you in the same building. Jimin shrugs when Taehyung doesn't say anything.

“That’s all I know, but I guess she’s going to be a part of the staff now, more or less. RM only got this picture so he would be able to recognize her when she came in. He's been waiting for her since 8 this morning.” Taehyung murmurs something incomprehensible as a response, not listening.

Once more, he finds himself distracted with thoughts of you.

He wants to know everything about you.

From the way you laugh to the way you cry, from your likes to your dislikes, and every different tone or volume your voice is capable of.

He wants to hear the innumerable amount of stories you must have. How you came to know Jaejin, and why you came to Korea in the first place.

He wants to study your face, memorize your expressions, be able to read you the same way he can read any one of the expressions of his fellow members.

He wants to be able to read your mind like Jimin can read his.

Like he can read everyone else’s.

But most of all, he wants to know you and only you.

Turning the corner, Jimin spies the door to the meeting room, opened slightly ajar, the rest of BTS already waiting for them. Jimin sort of bounces to the door, opening it for Taehyung, as he waits for Tae to catch up. Tae smirks, putting all thoughts of you out of his mind as best as he can.

Though he longs to build up the courage and speak to you without a mask covering his face, he knows that right now, that is not important. One day, maybe, he’ll be able to find out everything he wants to know. One day, maybe these feelings of his will be safe, understood.

Until then...

𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢: this is one of my more favorite chapters hehe. oh, and whoever guessed that the man in the mask was tae, you get a cookie ;)

chapter 9 here

check the Infinite Stars masterlist for more chapters

check my BTS masterlist for other BTS content

check out my masterlist for other kpop fanfics

[jaycewrites-192000]

Growl: Chapter 7

Warnings: None

Tags: @theravencawsatmidnight @etroman @kaariqueen

Your P.O.V

Monday came sooner than I wanted it to, not to mention I had a test today. A test...that I did not study for. "I'm such an idiot." I muttered, as I reluctantly walked into school. "Maybe if I beg good enough Iwaizumi will let me cheat off him." I say under my breath. I suddenly felt someone lean down and whisper in my ear. "What's this about begging Iwa-Chan now? Naughty L/n-" I elbowed Oikawa in his gut before he could finish. "I'm talking about a test, you horndog!" I snapped. Oikawa recovered from the hard blow. "S-So you didn't study, huh?"

"I bet you didn't either." I glare at him. "Of course I did! Unlike you, I had Iwa-Chan's help!" I gave him a shocked look. "How did you get his help!? He always tells me to study on my own! No wait...we're you actually "studying" or..."

"L/n-Chan! I'm surprised at you!" He could deny it all he wanted, there was no overlooking the blush on his face. Guess I was right about that. "Whatever. Let's just get going." I say while walking, a bit faster to get some distance between me and Oikawa. But of course his long leg ass easily kept up with me. "You know L/n-Chan, if you keep this up you won't be able to participate in club activities." I hate to admit it, but he was right. If I kept failing in my classes, the school faculty will be forced to remove me from the volleyball team. Meaning I won't be the manager or hang out with my new friends as much. I won't get to hang out with Kyotani either...

"Of course that upsets me more than anything else." I think with a sigh. I hurried into class with Oikawa, Iwaizumi was already inside at his seat. "Hey Iwaizumi." I greet him as I take my seat. "Hey L/n." He says back. "Actually on time for once Shittykawa?" He asks, not even glancing at the brunette boy. "Oh hush. I got plenty of beautify sleep last night, so of course I'm here." Oikawa sits down. "Doubt it." I mutter. We all know you were with Iwaizumi last night you liar. "What?" They both ask in unison. "Nothing." I lean back in my seat. "Hey Iwaizumi, can you help me study if I fail this test?"

"No."

"Jerk!" I cross my arms. "Why not?" Iwaizumi looked at me as if I were a child. Great, about to get scolded by a man my own age. "Because you should have taken studying more seriously. You had plenty of time before today. You also had the weekend. What have you been doing?" He asked. I turn away to hide my blush. Like hell I was gonna tell them I was with Kyotani. Oikawa would never shut up about it, and Iwaizumi...well it was kinda like telling your father that you have a boyfriend. Point is, it was awkward and I'm not spilling!

"....I was watching anime."

"Nerd."

"Shut up stupidkawa!!"

"You're starting to loose your touch, L/n-Chan." He smirks. "I could have thought of a way better insult than that."

"So you do want us to insult you?" Iwaizumi raises an eyebrow. I groan and rest my head against the window, Iwaizumi and Oikawa's bickering drowning out as I stare out into nothing. 'Might as well accept the fact I'm failing this test. I really should have studied more instead of doing stupid shit. Maybe I'll Kyotani to help me.' My cheeks then red. I didn't know how his grades were, but it was worth the try. Just because he was a punk didn't mean he couldn't be smart, right?

The test had finally ended, and I had just barely passed! But it wasn't good enough, I can't just barley pass throughout the rest of my last year. What happened today was pure luck, and that wouldn't last me forever. I need to take this more seriously, for the volleyball team and for myself. I managed to catch Iwaizumi just before he went inside the gym. I told him I needed to speak with him in private. "What did you want to talk about L/n? Is there something wrong?" He asks, concern lacing his tone. I clutched my bag tightly and spoke with a stern determination. "I'm going to start studying harder. I just barely passed the test today. If I keep this up and fail, I won't be able to be your team's manager anymore. So what I'm asking is..." I look away from Iwaizumi, hiding my embarrassed expression. "Do you...know what Kyotani's grades are like?"

When Iwaizumi didn't answer, I looked up at him. His expression was one of confusion. "You...want Kyotani to help you study? Why?" I bit back a growl and clenched my hands tighter, my face was only getting redder but the second. "Because! The only people I'm "close" to is you, Oikawa and Kyotani! You won't help cause you're busy with Oikawa and Oikawa can't help cause he's dumbass who would only flirt with me the entire time, and Kyotani...well I don't know! That's why I'm asking!"

"Whoa, wait, slow down." Iawaizumi raises his hands. "You're close to Kyotani? How did you manage that?" He asks. I sighed deeply, I really didn't want anyone to know about it. But there's no helping it now. "Me and him talked over he weekend. And, I even went over to his place a few times. So yeah, we're friends now I guess. But I didn't really know much about him, only a little bit really." I fiddle around with my hands, trying to figure out what else to say. "I would like to know more about him. So I thought, why not do that by asking him to help me study." Iwaizumi hummed in response. "I see." He mutters.

"Are you going to take it seriously?" He asks. I nod. "I will. I said I would start trying harder." Iwaizumi rubbed the back of his head. "Then you should ask him. If you and him are friends like you said, I'm sure he wouldn't mind helping you. As for his grades, I don't know about all that." He put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm proud of you Y/n. You really are coming out of your shell, it makes me happy to see you're making an effort." I smile softly and put my hand on his. "Me too. Don't worry, I'm gonna make sure I keep my word. Just wait and see Hajime!"

"I look forward to." Iwaizumi chuckles.

Practice had ended a bit earlier than unusual, the team finished changing and we're heading out. You decided to hang back and wait for Kyotani, it felt a little weird to say the least. Though it shouldn't be, you had just been over to his place twice and met his family. From an outside perspective, someone could mistake you both as a couple, even thought it was quiet the opposite. "I completely get it though." You sigh. You were snapped out of your trance by the locker room's door opened. Kyotani stepped out, school bag thrown over his shoulder. "Oh, hey." He greets once he finally noticed you. "We're you...waiting for me?" He asks. "Uh, yeah." You nod. "I wanted to ask you something." You tilt your head towards the exit of the gym, Kyotani seemed to have understood the message and walked out with you. The both of you walked in silence until reaching the school gate, Kyotani finally spoke up. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"You know how important tests are when it comes to graduating and being able to participate in club activities right?" Kyotani nods. "Well, I do want to graduate. But I also want to stay and be the team's manager. So I can't afford having my grades continue to slip. Eventually they'll be so bad, that I won't be able to do either. So what I'm asking is, will you help me study?" Kyotani raises an eyebrow. "Really? You want my help?" He asks. "I know it's sudden of me to ask, but I really don't have anyone else. Iwaizumi is too busy helping that train wreck of a captain of ours to help me. Not like he would anyway." Kyotani sighs heavily. "I don't know..." You turned to him. "Please!" You grab his hand with yours, Kyotani froze where he stood. "I'll make sure to repay you for helping me! Anything you want, I'll do it! So please...please help study Kyotani." You look up at him, eyes shining pathetically like a sad puppy. How could he say no to that? "Damn it..." He almost wanted to walk away and ignore it, but deep down he knew damn well that he couldn't. "Ok. I'll help you as best as I can. My grades aren't anything special, just so you know." You smiled brightly and hugged him. "Thank you so much! And anything helps at this point!" Kyotani nods and continued walking after you pulled back. "You really are nice Kyotani. Despite whatever everyone else thinks or says. In fact, I'm really glad I got to know you." You couldn't tell how Kyotani felt about that, he was slightly ahead of you, so you couldn't see his face. But unknowing to you, Kyotani cracked a little smile. And he'd never admit it, but he was glad he got to know you too.

Later that night, you and Kyotani were staying up late studying. You both decided it would be best if it happened over at your place rather than his. For two reasons. One, your mother wasn't home, so you had the entire house to yourself for the night. And two, Kyotani insisted that his mother would interrupt every so often because of how fond of you she was. It was down right embarrassing. And he didn't want to deal with that all night. Besides, like this, it would just be the the two of you, alone together. Together with math, really. "And if you solve for x you get?" Kyotani asks, waiting for you to answer. You hummed as you thought hard about what to say. "....15?" Kyotani shook his head. "12." You let out a loud groan. "This is such garbage! How am I ever gonna get this!?" You whine. Why did math have to be such damn complicated, in fact, why did anything involving studying have to be complicated? "Don't know. But you better get it quick before the council kicks you off the team. Now try again." Kyotani says, while writing something down in his books. "How can you be so calm about this? I thought you said your grades weren't anything special. Or was that a lie?"

"No, it wasn't. My grades are pretty shit." He admits. "Then what's the point this!?" Your mind screamed. "But not because I'm stupid or anything like that. It's because I hardly ever show up to class. But between the two of us, I'm smarter than you I guess." You scowl and slam your pen down. "I guess so huh?" You grumble. "Relax. I'm helping you out ain't I? After you do this we can take a break." Kyotani sets a new set of math equations in front of you. "Yeah sure, but before that, why don't you go to class? If you're so smart as you say, then why not just go and better your grades. I'm sure you don't want to get kicked off the team either."

"No, I don't. But my grades aren't that bad yet. So I have nothing to worry about. Hurry up and solve these."

"Not until you answer my question." You say as you cross your arms. Kyotani looked up from the books and eyes you for a moment. He sighs and leans back slightly. "Either cause I just don't feel like going, or cause it just ain't worth the effort." He finally tells you. Really? That was it? He made it sound like it was so much more to it than that. It almost made you angry, you were failing but you actually tried to put in the time to go to class. The only time you've ever skipped class was the one time with Kyotani, and never before or after that. You went to school every day and tried as hard as you could, and yet, you still failed at what he claims to exceed in. He says this and he's not even there! He skips out and still makes better grades than you! And from the looks of it, he hardly ever studied like you. "It just doesn't make sense." You mutter. "What?" Kyotani asks, only for you to shake your head and get back to writing. "Look, I made a promise to the team that I would try harder at this manager thing. And I can't do that if I continue to fail like I am, and as for you? I can tell you have such a passion for volleyball, every time you play, you get this look in your eye. A look that says, "I'm going to be the best at this". But how the hell are you gonna the best at anything, if you keep skipping class and letting your grades slip?"

"What? This a lecture now?" Kyotani eyebrow twitched in a annoyance. "Damn right!" You leaned forwards on the the table and poked his chest, as you spoke with the sternness of a mother who was scolding her child for acting out. "Your grades might not be as bad as mine now, but they will be soon if you keep that shut up! And when that happens, you'll be kicked off the team! And we both don't want that now do we?" Kyotani had to bite back any spite that he wanted to throw your way. You had a point, so he would let you talk. "If I get kicked out it won't be much of a shock, but Kyotani your team needs you. Think of how upset they would be if you were removed because you didn't try your hardest." Your tone began to soften with every word. "I know I would be. You love this sport way too much to give it up so easily. So don't let this chance slip away from you, try harder, do better. That way, you can keep moving further. And who knows, maybe one of these days, you'll land yourself in a really famous volleyball team."

Kyotani was speechless, you were absolutely right. You were right to be upset with him, you were right about him loving the sport, you were right about it all. His eyes tore away from yours, meeting the table that sat in between you both. "Ok." Was all he said. "Ok!? You-" He cut you off before your temper could rise any further. "I'll start going to class more often. But you have to start trying harder too ok? I don't want you getting kicked out either." A smile made it's way onto your face. You held out your pinky. "Promise?" Kyotani rolled his eyes but interlocked his pinky with your own.

"Promise."

Previous | Next

[cocobutnochanel]

A Dream Too

Genre: angst, drama, romance, flashbacks, exboyfriend!Baekhyun

Main Characters: Byun Baekhyun x Reader (oc: female)

Warnings: profanity, mature themes

Summary: Love or career, people always ask. When your ‘successful’ self crosses paths with the love of your life again, you’ll see another woman live your ‘dream’. 

Word Count: 2.5k+ words

'How do you truly move on?'

You ask yourself for the nth time today while waiting for the 20 minutes to pass you by so you can finally go home. Back to that thought, it was really confusing for you. You had no idea if you had moved on or just forgot. Or maybe, those wounds were just buried and no longer to be seen but nonetheless, still there.

"How do you move on?" You ask Dr. Kim who just entered your office, his tiny head peeping from the door's tiny crack. "Before you drift to your throughts again, you have a patient waiting. Your shift ain't over yet." Minseok, your friend since college and now colleague, calls the patient inside.

You sit straighter and clear your throat. A woman your age walks in with a three year old girl in hand.

You smile brightly at the child and her mom. "Hi, doc." The familiar little girl in pigtails waves shyly at you. "Hi, babe." She blushes at your usual nickname for her. This was the third time you have her over and you find her so adorable. She's so shy.

The woman your age hands you the file for them that was forwarded by the nurse. "Sorry to disturb you, doc. Areum is here to see you again." She laughs nervously as her child only bows in shyness. You put a hand on her shoulder to comfort her. "Don't worry about it, ma'am. She's my favorite." You smile at the shy mother too. Probably where the little girl inherited it from.

Scanning the file, the child is said to have fevers. You remember too that three weeks ago, Areum came because of a fever. You take a thermometer to measure the child's temperature. "Kindly face the side, sweetie." You coo at her and she obliges in a second.

You sanitize the tympanic thermometer before putting it in her ear. While it hasn't come back with results, you ask her mother about how the child is. This happens so naturally. It was basically a routine. This was your dream.

"So since when did she have this fever?" You ask Areum's mom who was rubbing her child's back while you hold the thermometer in her ear. "Two days ago. Her immune system is really weak." She sighs sadly, looking at her kid with pitiful eyes.

You take out the beeping thermometer. Your eyes skim over Areum's temp, 39.2°. "How are you feeling then, Reummie?" You ask her while sanitizing the thermometer before putting it back.

You pick up the stethoscope around your neck. "Come here, babe." You say softly to Areum who willingly follows. You listen to her heartbeat and everything was pretty normal. The fever was the only thing bothering the child.

“Is there anything bothering you right now?” You frown a little at the little girl’s tiny grimace. 

"Headaches." She mutters under her breath. You nod at the kid's answer. "Do you have cough? Some other sickness?" You ask her again, a pen in hand to take note of what the child's answer could be.

She shakes her head at your question. "Just fever." Areum's mom smiled sadly when she answered.

"Since you've been getting on and off fevers ever since, we will just assume for now it's because of the weather. It’s been snowing hard, Areum needs to put more clothes on." You advice while jotting down the prescription for Areum after checking her heartbeat.

"Just take what I usually recommend. Also, her vitamins and diet should be more monitored, ma'am. Her water intake too." You say that without looking at her mom but you know she's nodding and listening.

Areum’s mom was exceptionally beautiful. She was an exact opposite of her but you admired her tremendously. You admired her strength and courage. It wasn’t easy to be a housewife and a very hands-on mom like her. God knows you would never do that for someone. 

Speaking of that, you never truly did. Your passion for medicine and science was always greater. Well, you thought so.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you sign at the bottom and hand the paper to Areum's mother. "If she still has fever until the end of the week, bring her back so we can run some tests on her." You say as she nods at everything you say. You hand her the prescription and she happily takes it.

"Thank you so much, doc." She smiles at you gratefully as she stands up. "Let me walk you out." You stand up yourself too and pick up your belongings that were prepared beforehand.

You hold Areum's hand as you three walk out of your office. Passing by the nurses' table, you log yourself out of your shift and finally proceed walking with Areum to the parking lot.

You see her reserved demeanor even grow when people and patients were around. She was an exact opposite of you, you think again. You were independent, confident and hungry for your career ambitions while she bowed a little too low. Women could be insanely different but still, her choice astounded you. It takes a lot of strength to be gentle, you ponder.

"Where are you going after, doc?" Areum's mom inquired when you entered the elevator for the basement parking, stopping you from getting lost further in your thoughts. "Just home." You press Basement 1 with your free hand as Areum held the other.

"There's a boyfriend waiting then?" She asks you with a shy smile, trying to make conversation. "I don't even have time for sleep. I can't imagine having one." You laugh at her question.

Wildly, you wonder back to your earlier thought. Maybe if I didn't become a doctor, I'd be a mother like her too. But I chose my dream.

You snap out of your thoughts and ask her back. "How about you, ma'am?" The elevator pinged and opened. "My husband's just picking us up to go home." She smiles with content as if her husband was everything. You kind of wished you had that too.

Well actually, you had it. But you lost it too.

Before you could part ways with the shy kid and her even shyer mother, a black sedan pulls up in front of you.

A familiar man in a suit gets out, a face you know too well. "Appa!" You smile at Areum who was now running to the dapper man. Despite being sick, Areum was still excited to see her dad. Areum's mom walks over to the driver too and you finally look up.

You lost your breath the moment you recognized his face. It was him. The reason why you had asked such questions to Minseok. His face alone brought you the memory.

(flashback)

You wanted to bang your head against the desk as you skim over the Macleod's Clinical Examination for the nth time today. Nothing was going your way today. Med school was stressing you out, giving you a maximum of 9-hour sleep a week.

You hear some noise from your living room. You decide to take a study break and finally head out of your study. You haven't seen your boyfriend for a week despite living in the same apartment.

Despite his schedule being loose as a freelancer, your med studies were enough to stop the two of you from seeing one another.

You turn the doorknob and see a surprising scene in front of you. "W-What is this?" Your voice broke at the sight of Baekhyun and his luggage. His eyes were red and framed with dark circles. He looked sad and tired.

"I'm moving out." He states the obvious, sitting down on the sofa with a troubled face. "Why?" Your voice cracked again as it sounded so much like desperation and shock.

"You don't even have time for me." He mutters softly, obviously trying to stay calm. You were shocked at what he said. He loved you the most, he supported you the most. How could he not understand that this was your dream? How could he not understand that this isn’t forever? How could he demand so fucking much?

You fall to your knees weakly as tears in your eyes threatened to spill. "It's not your fault. I'm not even forcing you to choose me, Y/N. B-But, I can't live like this. Not anymore." He huffs out as if it was a burden he had carried ever since.

"I know it's not my fault, Baek! Hell, you're making me feel bad for chasing my dream!" You cry in hopelessness. "I'm sorry." He whispers, meters away from you.

Tears have finally made way to your face as internal pain enveloped your being. "It's just that- I can't be with someone who doesn't have time." He tries to say it again as if it's gonna make things better.

"Is it really going to be worth it? Us breaking up over this?" You didn't want to beg but God knows you've spent half your life with this man, dreaming of spending the rest of it with him. Was he really not for you? 7 years just going down the drain because you didn't have enough time?

"Am I not enough, Baekhyun?" You ask once again when he falls silent, his face in his hands. "Am I not a reason enough for you to stay?" You were disgusted at how you were on your knees, begging a man to stay.

His face was filled with sorrow as his eyes avoid meeting yours. You suddenly remember that he was the same boy who loved you unconditionally with endless patience seven years ago.

"Byun Baekhyun, I have loved you ever since I saw you that day when you laughed out loud in front of the class while introducing yourself in fifth grade." You recall an image of the boy you have loved ever since. "Tell me, don't I love you enough?" Your lips were trembling.

"I'm sorry." Baek mutters again, making you cringe at his words. "Stop apologizing, for fuck's sake, Baekhyun! I’m asking you! Am I not fucking enough?" You explode in anger, tears and pain.

"Seven years..." You whisper to the air. It felt like it was just yesterday when you two were in high-school and in love. How did it end like this? How did it end just because of time. How could he not understand? "Don't you want me to reach my dreams?" You ask him again, tears streaming down your face.

He closes his eyes shut as tears started racing down his face too. It was at that moment you realized that you weren't the only one in pain. He was too.

Like how you are breaking right now, he had suffered in silence too. He saw how consumed you were, thinking he was no longer important in your life. He saw how this relationship made it hard for you to concentrate too. He saw how he slowly faded in your ‘dream’.

But still, it broke you knowing that you hurt him this bad. It broke you knowing that the pain was too much, he had to disappear.

Your world crumbled in front of you as he stood there in pain, determined to leave. He was your first love. He was your everything. How could something so beautiful end like this?

"I'm not forcing you to choose me, Y/N." He says painstakingly, sorrow and loneliness in his voice. The aching pain in his heart was now double as he sees you on your knees.

"Will you be happy?" You ask the love of your life as he held his things in his arms. He only nodded with gritted teeth, knowing it’d be hard for him too.

That was it. The sign you needed. You were gonna let him go. You loved him too much, you couldn't imagine letting him suffer even more. You would always wish for his happiness. So you take a deep breath and nod back at him too.

For the last time, he speaks to you. "I'm not forcing you to choose me because I'm holding you back. So reach your dreams, Y/N. Reach it without me, doc." He stands up and finally departing for good, leaving you broken and your questions unanswered.

Today's Byun Baekhyun looked no day older than he did the moment he left the apartment you two shared. The supposed life you two were going to have.

"This is Dr. Y/L/N, she's Areum's doctor." Areum's mom happily links his arm with Baekhyun, snapping you out of your momentary flashback. A soft 'oh' falls from his lips as a lump forms in your throat in silence.

You couldn't breathe. Your world stops like it just did six years ago while you were on your knees and on the floor of the same shared apartment. You weren't over him at all. Moving on meant completely being fine. But despite six years flying out the window since he left, he still had that effect on you. He still left you breathless like he did in fifth grade with his hearty laugh.

"You made it, doc." He gives you the same smile he had way back when he confessed that he had a crush on you in seventh grade. Your lungs constrict at the nickname and you couldn't say a word.

His eyes shone with adoration and love that was once for you. "Yeobo, do you know her? She's a very good doctor." Areum's mother cheered, her daughter nodding in agreement too.

You see him pick Areum up in his arms. Now, the little kid resembled him a lot. It made sense, you know. He was now with a girl who could only see him in the future. He was with a woman who loved him enough to give up on her career. How could you not notice?

"Appa, I'm hungry." Areum murmured against her father's shoulders. Baekhyun rubs his daughter’s back as Areum’s mom places a chaste kiss on her husband’s lips. Tears pooled in your eyes as a familiar pain spreads in your chest. 

"I-I better get going." You stammered, feeling abandoned all over again. You knew you were going to cry if you stayed one more second with them.

He had moved on. He had a family. While you, on the other hand, are still stuck over something that happened years ago.

"Do you know her? Is she okay?" You can hear Areum's mother pry to her husband once again. Husband, your heart ached at that thought.

Before you were out of earshot, you hear Baekhyun's answer to his wife's question that makes you want to run back home and cry. Everything finally made sense. You weren't happy despite reaching your dream. It wasn’t complete. You still pondered over moving on. You still wondered how he was. But right in this moment, you realize it.

"Just an old friend, yeobo." No, Baekhyun, you were my dream too.

[heyboke]

SWIPED RIGHT! | Kageyama Tobio x Reader SMAU

0:10 — Pinky Promise and...

NOTE: I understand if some of my readers only prefer the SMAU part, so I made this update flexible so you can still get what’s happening without reading the writing part! Keep in mind that you still have to click on ‘Keep Reading’ to access the following photos!

But, some of the parts can’t be translated through social media screenshots so reading the writing part will really help you understand the characters and what’s happening to the story on a deeper level! ☻

Word Count: 3344 words

YOUR POV

After concluding Bokuto-senpai's non-stop blabbering about the movie he watched last night to procrastinate from studying, the boys were finally able to go to their locker room to freshen up for their long-awaited BBQ Friday.

I decided to wait for them on the bench just outside the gym. Their four hour training went by so fast that when I looked up at the sky, the stars were already twinkling. The cool breeze I only get to enjoy at night hugged my skin as the winds started to lightly gust against my bare sleeves. Ugh, I forgot to bring a hoodie with me tonight.

My thoughts were interrupted as I received Tobio-kun's very random text. It was a very pleasant surprise that unconsciously plastered a huge smile on my face. I was too busy texting him that I didn't even notice the whole team standing in front of me, all ready to go.

"What's that on your phone that's making you grin like the Grinch?" Akaashi asked, trying to subtly take a peek on my phone screen. I immediately locked the device and put it inside the pocket of my sweatpants.

"No need to peek, Akaashi! Let's not waste anymore time... let's go!" I said, jumping out of the bench as the whole team started to walk, carrying on with their small talks.

The gray haired captain stood out since he was ahead of everyone, hopping like a kangaroo while shrieking about how he's been craving for Barbecue for so long now and that he can't believe he finally got the blue check on Twitter.

I was walking alongside Akaashi at the far end side of the group, watching everyone ahead of us with a comfortable silence lingering between us.

"Do you need help with your bag? I can carry it for you." He asked, breaking the silence.

"It's fine, it's fine! I can carry it on my own. Besides, you've already had such a long training. I don't want to burden you with such a small thing." I said, smiling at him to assure him that it's fine.

"Oh, speaking of my bag... hold up," I muttered, stopping on my tracks as I opened my bag to get something.

"What's up?" Akaashi uttered his third question since I saw him outside of the gym. I shuffled through my things until I finally found what I was looking for.

"Aha! Here. I got it while y’all were doing your spiking drills." I said, handing him a slightly chilled bottle of Vanilla protein shake.

"Oh. Thanks, Y/N. It's been a while since you gave me something as boujee as a protein shake. Hmm, someone's loaded today." Akaashi teased, a small smile smothering his gorgeous face. It is an unsaid arrangement between the both of us that I can only give something a little fancy to him, or to anyone, when I have extra savings with me.

"Shut up! I've been saving up for tomorrow for quite some time now. Just... shut up and be grateful for that, Keiji." I said, chuckling as I playfully hit his arm.

"Why? What's so special about tomorrow?" he asked, eyebrows scrunching up together in curiosity.

"Didn't I tell you? To—"

"WE'RE FINALLY HERE!! YAAAY!!!" Bokuto hollered, cutting me off from telling Akaashi about my plans with Tobio-kun, Hinata-kun and my bestfriends for tomorrow. The familiar aroma of savory and mouthwatering meat being grilled, instantly filled my nostrils. I just realized that I've been distracting myself from how hungry I actually am all this time.

"God, I'm so hungry. Y'all were taking so long. If I wasn't on such a good mood, I would've been so hangry by now!" I said, eyes locked on the grilling area on the side of the restaurant where the Barbecue we've been dying to eat is being prepped.

Good thing, Bokuto-senpai already reserved a table for us ahead of time. The short list of things that the simple-minded captain would not procrastinate on would certainly include Volleyball and his favorite food, Barbecue.

Everyone decided to sit down on their desired seat. I felt comfortable sitting at the very far end of the booth’s couch. Since Akaashi and I were already walking side by side, it made sense that he just sat beside me on the couch too.

The rest of the team, and most likely even me, were practically drooling at the sight of barbecue being served to the tables around us. Yukie-san, one of the current managers of the team, is known for her great love for food. She decided to take matters in to her own hands and stood up for everyone. She simply asked one of the servers to follow up our orders.

Some of the third years, Konoha-san, Komi-san and Sarukui-san, were struggling to deal with an impatient Bokuto that was on the verge of going on emo mode.

“Where’s Akaashi? Didn’t he...“ the captain mumbled, pouting as he searched for the setter that was seated beside me.

“Oh, no. Bokuto-san’s Weakness #42. He becomes impractically impatient when people make him wait for his food, most especially when he’s hungry after training.” I hear Akaashi mutter beside me. I looked at him and he seems like Doctor Strange, looking at and calculating the different possibilities of what can happen if the captain won’t be able to get his food anytime soon.

Thankfully, Yukie-san came back to our table with at least two servers holding stacks of Barbecue on their trays, gently placing them on the table in front of all of us. Bokuto-senpai’s eyes lit up, even his hair seemed to perk up in excitement as he saw the Barbecue he’s been dying to eat being served in front of him.

“ALRIGHT, Let’s dig in!! This is in honor of me getting the blue check and a reward for all of us after such a hard training!! WOOHOOO!! Enjoy, everyone!!” the captain cheered, taking at least five chunks of meat in his chopsticks and munching the all down in one go.

No matter how hungry I am, I took the time to look at the team in front of me. The mere sight of them enjoying their food is endearing me. Am I really going to be a part of this wonderful team by next week? Do I really belong here?

I snapped out of my thoughts when I saw green vegetables being plopped down on my plate. I looked up and saw Akaashi putting one last piece of greens on my plate.

“Hey, why are you putting all that? I came here for Barbecue and not vegetables, Keiji.” I mocked him, poking the vegetables he just placed on my plate with my own chopsticks.

“Shush, you have to eat those. Even just a couple. They make you healthier. Plus, if you’re going to be our manager, you can’t be getting sick and frail.” he said, not even sparing a glance at me as he started to eat his own food.

Now this... this is one of his gestures that made me grow really fond of him. Some people might think otherwise but for me, Akaashi is not shy at all. Others often mistake his silence as shyness. When in reality, he only speaks up when he thinks it’s necessary — when he thinks it’s worth it. In fact, he is very frank with his words. He’s the type of person that would call you out when you’re doing something wrong, but he’d also compliment you when you’re doing something right. If one tends to focus more on his expressions, they can be convinced that he’s bland because his face really is usually blank. He only ever shows what he feels through his expressions at very rare occasions. Thus, he shows his feelings most of the time through his gestures; be it a small one or a big one.

“Hmph, fine. I’ll just eat more barbecue with it, so I don’t taste it that much.” I said, wrapping the greens with a chunk of meat. Bokuto-senpai, who’s instantly uplifted by now, overheard what I said.

“That’s what I do too when I need to eat vegetables!!! You’re doing the right thing, Y/N!!” he laughed, as he stuffed more barbecue inside of his mouth. The other third years that were worked up on not letting him slip in to his emo mode earlier, were now having the time of their life beside Bokuto-senpai, laughing at each other as they throw jokes at one another from time to time.

“Y/N?” said someone from in front of me. I looked up and saw that the voice belongs to none other than, Kaori-san, the other current manager of the team. She’s so pretty, oh my gosh.

“H-Hello, Kaori-san. Is there anything I could help you with?” I asked, getting a little conscious about the fact that I’m basically eating like a pig in front of someone so gorgeous.

“Oh, nothing! I just wanted to talk to you, even just for a little bit.” She smiled, eating gracefully like a princess. I could never, lol.

“I’m always down for a talk with you, Kaori-san!!” I gushed. Oh my god, do I sound a little too excited? What if she thinks I’m a crazy fangirl? Oh no.

“You’re so cute! Hahaha, anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts right now about the team manager position because I’d be really be at ease knowing that the team is in good hands after Yukie-san and I graduate.” She said, a hint of sadness was evident after she mentioned the fact that they’re graduating this year.

“Oh, of course... Hm, before I even officially become the manager of this team, I can say that I already have a pretty good bond with them... thanks to this one person,” I nudged Akaashi who was peacefully eating beside me and secretly listening to Kaori-san and I’s conversation. Akaashi-kun, you’re not so slick. I might’ve only known you for a little over three months now, but I can feel it when your ears are trying to listen, despite having your eyes focused on something else.

I continued, “I just know that they have something really special about them. At times, I even get intimidated by their bond because not all teams can easily earn it. It takes a lot of time and everyone’s cooperation as well. With that being said, I just want to make sure that I won’t get in their way or anything. I really am taking things seriously and I’ve also been thinking about it a lot lately. I don’t want to make a hasty decision just because I got blinded with such a big opportunity. It’s a commitment that we’re talking about, not just to myself, but to the rest of the team as well.”

I didn’t even realize that I’ve been blabbering like a little kid in front of Kaori-san.

“The fact that you’re thinking about it this much already says a lot, Y/N. Hell, I didn’t even know it’s possible for me to want you to take this position even more!” she chuckled.

“Your words mean a lot to me, Kaori-san! I’ll make sure to keep it in mind once I make my final decision.” I smiled, stuffing my mouth with one of the green vegetables on my plate and Barbecue.

The warmth and liveliness around the table never died down all through out the meal. We even found the gray-haired captain standing up and doing an imitation of this one funny video he watched as a kid. The trays and plates on the table were now empty, while our stomachs were full and satisfied.

“HEY, HEY, HEY!!! Let’s go to arcade now!! Yoohoo!!” Bokuto-senpai started to hop around while flailing his arms in the air, ready to go to this arcade nearby this restaurant. He was so close to leaving the doorway when one of the servers came up to our table.

“Uhm, ma’am and sir, I double checked it on the system but... you haven’t paid for your meals yet,” the server was sheepish on approaching us. She was having a hard time looking at us in the eyes. She’s probably new here.

Everyone stood there in shock and embarrassment, except for Konoha-san and Komi-san who dragged Bokuto-san back inside to pay for our meals.

“OH... I’m so sorry!! I forgot, I didn’t mean to not pay!!” the captain sincerely apologized, quickly paying for everything we ate.

Upon entering the arcade, I couldn’t help but feel giddy and excited. The air inside the arcade just makes me feel alive and want to play games there all day. People around our age and some kids filled the place. Some of them are on dates, while most of them were just hanging out with each other.

The team scattered into groups as they went to the games that best fit their liking. The captain can be seen inside a Zombie-killing booth. His hands are already holding the fake gun inside, ready to unleash his inner warrior because according to him, he always trained himself for an apocalypse that can happen in the future. Some of the third years, like Yukie-san and Kaori-san along with some of the spikers, can be seen on the bowling area.

I rushed to the counter in the middle to get myself tokens and cards to play the games. The air hockey table caught my attention the moment we stepped in the arcade. I was about to swipe my card to play, when I realized I didn’t have anyone to play it with. How much dumber can I get? I obviously can’t play this by myself.

“Go for it. I’ll play with you,” a voice I know too well spoke behind me. I didn’t realize that I kind of ditched him as soon as I got too caught up in excitement with the arcade.

“Okay. Bring it on, Keiji! Don’t you dare go easy on me!” I exclaimed, swiping the card and grabbing the air hockey paddle on the table. My competitive side was showing as I poured my energy in each stride at the puck and attempts to block it from shooting inside my side of the goal.

After a few rounds of air hockey and a little bit of Basketball, where I took a hard L because I was against a well-trained and balanced athlete that shot the ball like it was nothing, I decided to go for a game where I thought I had a bigger shot at winning. I scanned through the games again and my eyes landed on this one game that I knew I’d win against someone like Akaashi.

“Dance Dance Revolution? I never played this game all my life and now you’re asking me to play it with you right now?” he whined, uneasiness showing as he spoke. I felt a little sad, but I didn’t want him to force him on doing something he doesn’t want to do.

“Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to do it. I just really thought it’d be nice to play this with somebody.” I looked down, speaking softly. I hear him take a deep breathe.

“Fine... just one round.” he said. I was so thrilled. I bounced around and swiped my card on the machine. We stepped on the dancing area with the arrows under our feet and got ready to play the game. I chose a dance that was moderately difficult, keeping in mind that by doing so, I’ll increase my chances of winning. It was going really well at first. By looking at Keiji on my peripheral vision, he wasn’t even that bad. I guess the footwork training they do on Volleyball also helps him. Ugh, is there something he can actually suck at?

The most complex part of the dance started and I was slowly panicking. My score was higher, but only by a little. I was getting lost in the game that I didn’t even notice that I stepped at a faulty angle and twisted my ankle.

I winced in pain as I lost my balance and held on the metal bar behind me for support. Akaashi was alarmed as soon as he saw my current state.

“Hey, I’m fine, really. What’s that look on your face, Akaashi?” My poor attempt to chuckle was horrible. I tried to stand up, but the pain I felt on my ankles were stronger than my will to prove Akaashi that I was fine. He rapidly moved away from the game and found himself beside me, checking my, most likely, sprained ankle.

“Okay, it doesn’t look that bad but you can’t work yourself up for a while. I’ll take you home. No more ifs and buts. I’ll just text Bokuto-san and the rest of the team about what happened and that we had to leave sooner than expected.” he sternly said.

The next thing I knew, he was walking me to my house. I found myself on his back, arms wrapped around his chest and legs clung on his waist as he held the side of my thighs for extra support.

The same stars that greeted me while I was waiting for them outside the gym earlier were present as I looked up again at the sky. With that, the same cold breeze of the night blew against my skin. I tried not to shiver, but it was useless since Akaashi felt that I was getting chilly because I was shaking a little.

He stopped on his tracks as he gently put me down on the sidewalk. I was feeling confused until I saw him taking his jacket off and offered me to take it.

“I noticed you were starting to get a little chilly, so here. Take it.” he said. I didn’t even hesitate anymore as I wore his jacket. I felt so much better and we started walking again while he gave me a piggyback ride.

I let out a yawn as I started to feel my eyelids getting heavier and my breathing going slower. I didn’t even know when it happened, but I just know that along the way, I fell asleep on his shoulders.

AKAASHI’S POV

I found myself in front of your house and I knocked on the door. It wasn’t the first time I’ve been here, so your mom let me in as soon as she saw me. I told her about what happened and gave her some tips that will help you recover faster. Given that I was not new to these injuries, I knew exactly what to do.

I opened the door to your room and I softly put you down on your bed. I got some pillows that will help on elevating your sprained ankle and tucked you to bed.

You looked so peaceful. You looked so beautiful.

I’ve always been blunt about what I see and feel about everything. So, why is it that I can’t tell you about these feelings that I feel solely for you?

I wish I can tell you that all your little gifts and efforts for me never go unappreciated.

I know that you’ve recently been growing closer to somebody else. I’m not oblivious about it. I know you, Y/N.

I just hope that it’s not too late by the time I finally build up the courage to tell you about these feelings.

I gave your forehead a soft kiss, before I finally got up and left your room.

YOUR POV

I woke up in the middle of the night and realized that I was already in the comfort of my own room. I checked my phone and saw that it was 2AM. I looked down on my feet and saw that my ankle was really sprained and that I wasn’t just dreaming about it.

I let out a sigh as I remember that Tobio-kun, Hinata-kun, Best Boy Yams and Saltyshima were coming over here later.

Why the fuck did I have to sprain my ankles on the worst day possible?

☆ PARTS ☆

A/N: Here goes my first actual write up in this blog! I would really love to hear your thoughts about it! Stay safe and healthy, lovelies! ♡

taglist: @sugacoatt @kokogxddess @angelynmay @kasandrafaye @exovity @notamazinglizzy @haikyuuopalite @faiima @pyblos @volleybloop @mahalau @applepiekyuu @nvthvlyy @azgucci @tchalameme @mlkytobio @bakibakini @xyelikestobio @beastboypng @nerumiz @unlikelytigerqueen @your-local-lesbo @tycrackculture @almostcrystalized101 @alienvarmint @agneyestra @kthhyj @hakueishirei @sugawsites @wiseeggspickleslime @8zmingi @idiot-juice-enthusiast @lunarknox @wemissyou3000 @90s-belladonna @yeehawnana @mysticlarizza @hyperfixation1 @literaltrash666 @animeboyscangetit @luvelyjjk @cuddlesslut @deathcab4daddy @bloomingforbts @ashleefo @mikantsumiikii @yeehawslap @michelepiekenma @kpopstanh

[levinneheart]

Never loved you

Shinsou Hitoshi x Reader (College AU)

Warning/s: Characters are 20+; slight IzuOcha ship; Fluff; Angst; implied Depression; may or may not been based on experience

And yes, the title is a Song by Evie Clair. You’re quirk is smth to do w/ Empath and it’s not hero material by norms.

You never expect to encounter him. Out of all the people you could’ve met, you didn’t believe you that you could met him online out of all the places.

It started when you became friends with a group of talented singers and musicians as you also joined into the fun – abeit not as talented as them, you tried your best and put your all into it. Not long after that, you began knowing the group which consists of all the previous students of Class 1-A and some other students of UA and soon, Mina invited you to join their group as an “honorary member” as you lived in another country which you gladly accepted.

Sometimes, you would join the voice call and be overwhelmed by the amount of voices blasting in your earphone. Sometimes, you would listen silently as everyone talked over each other while Bakugou screamed and make small explosions that literally makes everyone deaf. Rip earphone users. You loved and treasured these moments with them, although you didn’t know what they looked like.

It wasn’t until he joined that made you the happiest. You were currently teasing Midoriya and Uraraka, saying they were cute crushing on each other, much to Uraraka’s denial and Midoriya’s stuttering. Chuckling, you continue with your impromptu storytelling of their love blossoming until both of them are beyond speechless. You decided to stop when Bakugou joined the conversation.

“Yo, Mina invited other damn extra!” he informed in his usual loud voice.

“Kaachan, you shouldn’t talk to Shinsou like that! He’s listening you know!” Midoriya scolded softly.

You checked and someone was listening in, they had a cat picture as a profile pic and you couldn’t helped but smack yourself in embarrassment as you didn’t noticed earlier while Bakugou and Midoriya beefed it out in the voice chat. You muted them, not wanting to hear they’re yelling of being the no. 1 hero.

“I agree with you btw.” chatted the one with cat pic. “It’s so obvious, it makes me roll my eyes that they remain oblivious to each other’s feelings.”

“IKR!” You typed back, forgetting your embarrassment.

“You’re not from UA, are you?”

“No. Actually, I’m just an honorary member as Mina says since I live miles away haha.”

“I see. I’m Shinsou, Shinsou Hitoshi btw.”

“(l/n) (f/n)! Nice to meet’cha!”

You didn’t know how it happened but you felt an instant connection to him and you two hitted it off from then. You two would always chat in your private message and it quickly became unnoticed by the others, they even started to ship is and make an official name for the ship. You played oblivious as did he, although both of you already know about it.

After two weeks, he called you bb and you couldn’t helped but blush before awkwardly telling him: you really really liked him. At first, he didn’t say anything so you were half-expecting him to reject you and that’ll be it. But surprised, he told you: he liked you back. However you both decided that it’s too early for a relationship so you two now have a peace of mind that at least the other feels the same way.

It was fun, interacting with him, sending him uwus and heart memes, etc. You learned that he’s working as a pro hero while you studied in university. You learned he’s a gamer who sings, plays the guitar and ukulele ngl i can honesty see this as canon. And he plays basketball and soccer just pretend sksksksksk.

You two would schedule voice calls as you both were busy, it would always play out as – you would come home late and wait for him to get out of work as you two chatted away before actually getting in the call once he’s home. You would usually ask about he’s day and about his job and he’d reply with his usual deep tired voice that you’ve grown to love curses my deep voice kink.

This went for two months. Until one night while you were staying up late studying, he chatted your name. This was the first time he called you by your real name, usually he would call you by your username or “bb” as usual so this sudden change set butterflies in your stomach.

“Yes, Toshi?” you replied before teasingly sent, “This is the 1st time you called me by my name haha.”

“I wanted to tell you something important so I thought it’d catch your attention.”

“Well, what is it?”

“I love you.”

Without thinking you typed, “I love you too.” and sent it before realizing what he meant. “Do you meant that as a friend?” You immediately sent.

“Do you want me to say that?”

You blushed hard, you can imagine him chuckling at your stupid question. “Uhhh no??? Idk??? You’re not joking, right??”

“I wouldn’t have said it, if I didn’t mean it.”

“Really?” You couldn’t believe it so you just had to ask.

“Yes.”

“Tell it to me again plz 🥺👉👈.”

“I love you, (y/n).”

“I love you too, Toshi.”

“In advance, I’m so sorry for being a weirdo.”

“But you’re my weirdo.”

Cue squealing. But after that, it went spiraling down. A month and a week went by without communication from him; no updates, no greetings, no nothing. You decided to confront him about your concerns. You understand that he’s busy at work and you were always supportive and understanding at his job were his top priority.

But couldn’t he at least spare you a few minutes of his free time, maybe when he woke up or during his breaks. You didn’t ask for more so you were slightly disappointed with him as it worried you that he worked 6am-2am everday without holiday breaks besides Nov.1-2.

You voiced those concerns to him, he apologized and you forgave him. But this behavior of his continued on and this made you sad, other would say you’re depressed but you were too occupied with thoughts of him; his voice; the feeling he gave you, etc.

For another month and three days, you confront him again but this time he left your pm and blocked you. You panicked as negative thoughts flooding your mind.

Did you do anything wrong? You weren’t too clingy, right? Your chat wasn’t too honest, right?

You somehow managed to calm your mind after a couple of minutes and through logical evaluation and elimination, you concluded that you didn’t do anything wrong. But the questions remain: Why did he leave? Why did he blocked you?

For the longest time, you couldn’t answer that. You spend your time drifting off from reality and to your memories with Toshi while day-by-by you lessen your interactions with your online friends, seemingly just vanishing from thin air.

You felt empty, a void of loneliness filled you as you went your way through your own life, not knowing what to do with yourself or even feel. Why did it come to this? Everything went fine, you two were happy so why? Why did he suddenly leave you all alone like that?

———————————————————————

Today was the reunion of UA batch [number]. Shinsou stood in the far corner of the Gym Gamma, his back leaning against the wall as he observed everyone and everything. He noticed an unfamiliar yet familiar (h/c) locks, he watch as you talked with Sero, Tokoyami, Shouji, and Ojirou. You were especially close to Ojirou, you practically by his side with your arm linked with his.

He didn’t know why he was growing irritated and angry at sight of you being in someone else’s arms when he damn well know that you deserve to move on after what he’d done to you after all those three years but still… He had hoped that you actually waited for him.

You were suddenly called by Kirishima as you leaned towards Ojirou and whispered a soft ‘see you’ before walking towards to him.

“(Y/n)-chan! I want you to meet someone!” He said as he dragged you towards where a lone lavender haired man stood before running away. You opened your mouth to objects but it was already too late, he was gone. You looked at the stranger and felt that same connection when you met him, you knew. Although not having to see his face, you just knew that it was him: Shinsou.

“(L/n) (f/n)! Nice to meet’cha!” You cheered brightly, just like when you first introduced yourself to him.

“I know.” he replied. “I’m Shinsou Hitoshi.” God, why I am so lame. He thought.

“Oh! Nice to finally and officially meet you, Shinsou-san!” You smiled as you raised your glass towards him.

Why did you have to call him like a stranger? And not the usual ‘Toshi’ you would always call him?

He clicked his glass with yours and took a sip as his eyes spotted a shiny accessory on your ring finger, making his heart froze. That’s why. You were engaged. Of course, why wouldn’t you be? You were ever so patient, understanding and supportive. It didn’t even surprise him.

When you finished you glass, you excused yourself as Jirou announces the last song for tonight that is written by the guess before she yelled out your name and you climbed up the stage.

“Love do you know?

We've been growing apart

And you should know

That for me that's hard

Darling I'm scared if I let you go, oh

This will be goodbye for good

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

‘I never loved you’

And I won't say

That I knew it from the start

So you can say

That we weren't torn apart

'Cause for me, oh it's easier to bleed, oh

When I know you can sleep so I keep telling myself

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

I feel numb when the drums slow down

Oh, leave me dumb so I can't tell myself

Myself, oh

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

I already know that it just isn't true

It's easier this way

I'll spare my heart some pain

Even though I know it isn't true

‘I never loved you’.”

Part 2, maybe???

[tsipasce]

Same Difference Ch.16

Her back ached as she hunched over her keyboard, only moving to grab the odd paper and examine it. Straightening up for the first time in hours she glanced at the clock on the wall that read 10:45pm, realizing she'd neglected two out of three meals today. Once Overhaul had left, she decided to catch up on paperwork and hadn't gotten up since, except to go to the bathroom and grab a glass of water. On her visit to the fridge, she was unsurprised to find nothing but water and condiments. Of all the ways to be a normal bachelor, he chooses this one… she bemoaned, trying to formulate a dinner strategy while on house arrest. After a beat, she made a couple calls,confident she'd found a loophole.

An hour or so later, the smell of lemon and herbs filled the kitchen as she checked between dishes. After going through her mental list of recipes, she decided chicken picatta with a side of rice would be easiest while also sating her growing hunger. Smelling the sauce, she grabbed a spoon to gauge if the seasoning was up to snuff. Closing her eyes, she considered the flavor.

"What are you doing?"

"Aggh!" She clutched her chest, almost choking on the sauce. Catching her breath, she shot him a ghastly look before continuing, "I know this is your house and all, but could you please not use the ~hitman stealth~ walk while I'm here?"

"No. You should just be more alert. Now answer my question: what are you doing?"

"Ah, well I know by your sad fridge you may not be familiar with the concept, but this is called 'cooking'." She piped in her best kindergarten teacher voice.

"Do not start with me tonight." He looked genuinely angry as he took a step forward, "Where did you get the ingredients? I specifically asked you not to leave and yo—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Chill out, Joe Goldberg, I stayed in the box. "

"What?"

"Ugh, if you watched TV like a normal person that would have been a great joke—anyway, what I'm saying is I didn't leave."

"Elaborate."

"Well it's this show about a guy who traps a gi—"

"Dammit I mean about how you got the ingredients without leaving."

"Oh yes, well I texted Kurono to call one of the guys who then called another dude who ordered it on Mostpates who then went back through the chain of communication until it was delivered to the door by one of your subordinates—with whom I had zero contact with—and now here I am. Still very much isolated from the outside world. Happy?"

He paused, his eyes narrowed in suspicion as he towered over her. She deadpanned back until he relented, rolling his eyes and sighing; irritated with her consistent sass, but relieved Nanami was safe. Relieved a valuable ally was uncompromised, he sternly corrected as though to convince himself. Try as he may, the frequency of his little "unprofessional slips" when it came to her kept increasing. He reasoned that introducing her to Pop—the Boss, was simply strategic and necessary as she became more involved in their organization. These faux pas where he'd praise her behind her back to the Boss during their weekly dinners or lapse into these fantasies, he wouldn't dare speak aloud were merely obstacles he'd need to overcome. At some point. She's just an ally. He lied to himself yet again, before addressing her, "Don't do that without informing me first next time."

"Yes s— I mean, you bet." She said nervously clearing her throat before turning back to the stove. She would've continued indulging in her favorite pastime of getting on his nerves, but decided not to after getting a good look at him in the light. He looked tired and her sympathy won out over her need to continue poking the bear. Deciding it would be more sensible to make nice with her new roommate, she took a chance. "You know, I made a lot more than I was expecting if you wan—"

"I don't need anything from you," he reflexively shot back.

"Fine. Suit yourself." she shrugged turning back to the stove. One step forward, fifteen steps back. What do I even expect?

*grooowwwlll*

Her head slowly swiveled to him; her brows raised. She took the sauce off the heat, drizzling the aromatic cream over the steaming rice and herb-crusted chicken. She confidently maintained eye contact for dramatic effect, though she was quite surprised she didn't spill anything. A staring contest ensued, though they both knew the winner was the one who already possessed the literal chicken dinner. "Care to rethink your answer?"

"… If I get food poisoning it'll be your end." He acquiesced.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just hurry before it gets cold."

They sat down at the table across from each other, setting their places. Forgetting to get utensils, Nanami got back up and headed to the kitchen to retrieve them. "You can start without me, I forgot something," she said with her back turned as she found the drawer she was looking for. Looking at the pans, she decided it would be much less of a pain to put them in the sink now instead of after her self-induced food coma. As she reached for the pan, she heard a faint rustling and a hushed "Thanks for the food" coming from the table. She went wide-eyed for a split second at the realization, Well, guess you can't eat through a mask… gulping at the thought of finally seeing his face, she shooed the feelings away as mere curiosity, to no avail. Suddenly it felt too nerve-wracking to turn around as she continued to overthink, her utensils having been found long ago.

"If you leave your plate out any longer, I'm going to throw it away."

"What? That makes zero sen—" she turned to reflexively bicker but stopped short. After seeing someone masked for so long it felt strangely intimate to see his face. He was still facing forward, calmly devouring the meal as she studied his profile, his features catching the warm light above the dining table. Nanami hadn't known what she'd expected to see, but it wasn't this. It might have been less surprising if he had some maniacal countenance or monstrous face, but he just looked… Normal… Normal…and really fucking cute. Shit. Her conflicted look of disgust with herself and fascination with him was promptly misinterpreted as he turned to see why she'd stopped grimaced back at her as she continued her appraisal, finding his full expressions, instead of just eyes, to still be a jarring sight.

"Do you have something to say?"

"N-No, just getting some eating sticks! I mean utensils. Eating. Utensils." She cleared her throat, exuding awkwardness.

"…Right."

Exhaling, she hurriedly made her way back to the table, trying to carry on normally. She began eating, her hunger taking her mind off the previous blunder. Looking up to grab the pitcher of water to refill her glass, she inadvertently caught his gaze. Certain this would be a rare occurrence, she decided if she wanted to gawk, it would have to be now. Today she'd gotten a face and a name, and suddenly he seemed a lot more… human.

"You have a staring problem, and I'm going to fix it in a very unpleasant way if you don't stop."

Nevermind. "Says the guy that's blinked all of 3 times in the past 4 months." She scoffed," I don't have a 'staring problem,' I was just… surprised to see your face is all."

He paused before continuing eating, but she could tell he was still thinking, "… what's surprising about it?"

Now able to fully evaluate his expressions, Nanami could tell he was a mixture of indignant, but curious. I can work with that. "Hm? Oh nothing, nothing at all… Except…" she leaned forward across the table, her eyes heavy-lidded as they travelled from his eyes to his mouth, committing the pleasant features to memory.

He was focused now. "Except?" the word came out softer than intended, as she was close enough for him to catch the scent of lavender, the t-shirt she wore forming an almost dangerously revealing dip as she leaned forward. His jaw clenched as he fought to maintain eye contact, trying not to blatantly appreciate her suggestive positioning. The walls of the room felt as though they were shifting closer together as he waited with bated breath for her answer, or action.

"Except…You have rice on it," she tapped on her own face to show him where, grinning at his look of exasperation as she plopped back down to finish her last bite of food, missing how he briefly deflated. "So, how was it?"

"I don't feel any early signs of food poisoning," he began "but we'll see how the rest of the night goes."

Now feeling the sleepiness beginning to take over, she was too tired to give a quality retort. Sighing, she got up, grabbing her dish as she made her way back to the kitchen to clean up, the day finally catching up to her. She placed her dish in the sink and began searching for the gloves to start washing. Before she could locate them, she heard footsteps behind her.

"Move."

"Really? I share my food and then you insult it—surprise, surprise—and now I can't even clean up in peace" She began, but stopped as she turned to see him, his hands already clad in the yellow latex. His face was expressionless as he moved in her place and began tidying up. Taking it as her cue to leave, she dragged herself to her room to get ready for bed before he called back to her.

"Thank you for the food. It wasn't bad at all." He said, his back still turned as he continued cleaning.

She stopped, a half-smile appearing on her face as she could see he was trying to make nice, though he was obviously still not used to it, "…You're welcome. Hey, Overhaul?"

"Yes?"

"You should get some rest."

"Don't need it. Per our conversation earlier, I have unlimited stamina."

"Sure, but you can't overhaul your mind, now can you?"

"Ok, Dr. Phil." He mocked and her eyes shot wide. Before she could respond he continued, "And no, I will not answer further questions about that reference or how I know it. Goodnight."

Stifling a laugh, she turned to walk back to her room, "Goodnight."

The next week went by without incident and they began to form a routine. At 5:30 they'd get up to get ready for their jog. Nanami could tell she was on schedule by the sound of footsteps and water running next door that mirrored her own. Once finished, they'd convene in the front room, put on their shoes and head outside to stretch. Very few words if any were spoken, but Nanami enjoyed the comfortable silence. At work it was always expected that she'd be overtly personable and chatty, but she knew he had no such expectations. She could zone out and just exist and that was alrigh—

"Ahem", he cleared his throat as he waited expectantly for her to start their morning run. His hands bare for the first time in ages as one of his subordinates ordered the wrong brand, and he swore he'd break into hives if he used them. Both of them were sure they wouldn't need to touch any public surfaces on their run so the rarity of the occasion was dismissed.

"Oops, coming."

Without another word they began, Nanami putting her headphones in. After their third run, he was satisfied that he could handle an ambush as they gathered more intel about the Okamura, and she could indulge in her music while they ran. One of her favorite songs came on and she began stepping to the rhythm as her shoulders started to roll and her head bobbed to the beat, soon after she began mouthing the words.

"Every time I comb my hair

Thoughts of you get in my eyes

You're a sinner, I don't care

I just want your creamy thighs"

All the while she didn't realize her erratic movements and lip-syncing had caught Overhaul's attention as he watched from the corner of his eye. A few months ago, he wouldn't have been able to stomach the thought of sharing his home and free time with someone else without breaking out in hives, but now it felt… comfortable. It was comforting to come home to someone, to work with them and not be annoyed to the point of homicide (for him it was more rare than most), it was comforting knowing that someone was her.

She looked so carefree, so happy in the midst of everything while he felt the weight of the world had made permanent indentions on his shoulders. She didn't fit in this world; she didn't belong here. Or to anyone. The thought crossing his mind bitterly as his inner monologue took a familiar, pessimistic turn. Just looking at her brought that sickening warmth to his chest he coveted but didn't recognize as something he was capable of… that is until a couple of months ago. Now he found it showing up more and more, clouding his judgment. It was distracting. He had an objective and she was an important variable in achieving said objective—nothing more. How dare she make him... feel or even question if he was able to. It was disgusting.

Now able to recognize the feeling of being silently judged by him, Nanami looked up to meet his gaze. "Weren't you just lecturing me the other day about having a 'staring problem'?"

"I'm not staring, I'm just wondering why you're carrying on like this in public."

"Pssh, enjoying music—the great music of the illustrious Prince, nonetheless—is totally grounds for 'carrying on in public.' Being carefree every now and again isn't a sin, you know."

"There are enough frivolous people in the world. Why should I have to indulge them?"

"You call it frivolous; I call it taking happy moments when they come. You should just let people enjoy things and stop being such a stick in the mud. You never know, maybe you'll do something ~*wild*~ like enjoy yourself for once."

"Not all of us have the luxury of being empty-headed and self-indulgent."

At this she stopped running, the words sounding more like a personal attack than broad commentary. "What, so I'm a careless idiot just because I don't brood about my self-induced problems all the time?"

Their similarities began to surface as he took her comment in like fashion, both of them now offended at scenarios they'd created in their own heads. "'Self-induced'? You know nothing about my perceived 'problems' or how they came about. Nothing." His irritation quickly morphed into anger the more he thought about the implication that he'd chosen this life.

"And you don't know anything about my problems either. Just because I choose to be happy every blue moon and my issues usually don't involve me snuffing people out on the regular doesn't mean they aren't also really shitty."

"Oh, so you accidently blow up one kid and now it's a trauma you get to use as a crutch?"

Upon saying this, her posture straightened, and she looked at him evenly, a cold rage emanating from her. "So, you think that's all there is to me? I'm just some spoiled brat who's always had her way and now that I'm exposed to your big, scary reality, my little traumas don't compare? My tender little world is being shattered by the brutality and violence of your 'real' one? If anything is self-indulgent it's your narcissistic assumption that you're sob story is somehow worse than everyone else's" she said, venom dripping from her words.

He hadn't seen her like this before. They say when telling a person's age, that wrinkles and proportions are the best tells. In truth, there's a certain "look" that begins to form over time, one's experiences flash behind their eyes, an amalgamation of memories; they've seen things, their innocence eroding with every visage adding years to even the most verdant skin. As Nanami spoke, he saw an age in her eyes that didn't match her face. There was a certainty in her gaze that only came from seeing the grotesque with one's own eyes and deciding to keep looking. Her words were telling, but her stare was what filled the pages of the novel being written between them. Ever obsessed with purity, he assumed he'd be repulsed by the revelation, but it only made her seem closer. Her presumed naivety that he thought separated them was being chipped away. He wanted to know more, to become closer.

He was entranced as she seemingly riled herself up, "I've been through more than you could ev—" She stopped short, shaking her head as she bit her lip, looking off into the distance at something only she could see.

"What do you mean?" He coaxed her to finish her thought, now hopeful.

"No. I think I've told you enough. You've made your judgment and I'll have to live with the fact that I made a mistake, as will you."

"What? This conversation isn't ov—"

"You don't get to decide that," she snapped. "I'm heading back, and I suggest you take the long way around."

A grave look came across his face at being commanded, "That's not how this works, and you will not cut me off again, or I'll-"

"Or you'll what?" She was back in his face, a familiar defiance in her eyes. If she was poking the bear before, this was an entire stabbing.

"You don't want this." He warned.

"You have no idea what I want."

As things boiled over, they were much too close, a static in the air building between them, fingers pointed as they continued to argue. They were ultimately too close, for no more than a millisecond, but that small error was all it took for the reaction that followed. In that brief moment, they made contact, a blast followed that sent them both flying in opposite directions. Nanami hit one of the walls that lined the streets with a sickening thud. She slumped, unconscious, a stream of red dying her silver hair.

[ethereal-wishes]

Meet Me Halfway: Part One

Sir Maurice – Duke of Avonlea – had pledged his daughter, Belle, to be wed to King Raul's son, Neal, ever since she was born. The pair would wed on her eighteenth birthday. Belle French had never met Neal, but she had met his father – King Raul. He was a man with short graying hair and a stern countenance. He never smiled, and Belle was aware of the ruefulness always lurking within his soulful depths. When, Belle, had asked her father why Neal had never visited, Maurice had informed her he was a sickly child. Raul would often journey to Avonlea and converse kingly affairs with her father. He'd never spoken to her in passing, often pretending she was invisible whilst in her father's presence.

Belle inwardly dreaded the day she would have to leave Avonlea and become the wife of a man she'd never truly met. She'd filled her time with educating herself about kingdom affairs, leading up to that moment. She'd received an extensive education during her childhood, because she didn't intend to be an ignorant ruler. By the time her eighteenth birthday arrived, she assumed she would meet the prince she was destined to wed. She'd been mistaken when her father revealed that Prince Neal had died a few short years earlier of the bubonic plague. In fact, Raul's wife – Queen Milah had passed as well.

“I don't understand, Papa. What are you saying? I've been expecting to marry this prince my entire life, yet why am I just finding out he's deceased?” she queried, her mind buzzing with questions.

The duke exhaled sharply. "There will be a wedding, Belle. It just won't be to Prince Neal.”

“Then who!?” She demanded, sickness roiling in her gut.

Maurice swallowed hard, averting his gaze. "King Raul still intends to honor the marriage agreement we forged at your christening. You'll marry him instead. He's without an heir and needs a new queen to rule beside him.”

Belle's countenance fell at the mention of the callous, standoffish royal. “You can't be serious, Papa. That man has the personality of a dead fish,” she countered.

Maurice sighed, wrapping his arm around his daughter's delicate shoulders. “You don't know him like I do. I know he's twice your age, but he's an honorable man. He'll be a good husband to you, I have no doubt. Though you may find you have little in common, you'll have a comfortable life.”

Belle nodded. “I'll accept King Raul's proposal because it's the right move for both of our kingdoms. I never knew the prince, but I'd hoped to.”

Maurice smiled, pulling her close. “You make me proud, Belle. Tomorrow, Raul will arrive for the wedding celebrations, and then you'll be escorted back to Albannach.”

“Let it be as you say,” she consented, spending the rest of her evening being refitted for her wedding gown. When she was finally granted some solitude, she spent her time reading in a cozy nook in her personal library. She would dearly miss her castle, her father, her friends, including every other piece of herself she was leaving behind.

~X~

The day of the wedding left her stomach tied in knots. He'd met her at the altar, decorated in his kingly ensemble. The veil hid her rouge cheeks and lacquered lips. The first words they'd speak to each other would be their vows. She fought back the urge to tremble as she spoke the sacred vows pauper and prince had exchanged for ages. His eyes fixated themselves on her, studying, committing each detail to memory. She became enraptured by his eyes, the wind being knocked from her as he brushed his lips ever so slightly against hers. She blinked as the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. There wasn't time to contemplate what had just transpired, before she found herself being led by his arm to a carriage. Once the doors shut, she knew she'd never step foot in Avonlea again. A tear trekked down her cheek, and she couldn't stop the way her body trembled. The king gazed at her, his eyes filled with something unreadable.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered. “For ripping you away from everything,” he spoke – the sound of his lilting brogue filling the carriage, startling her.

“Pardon?” She spoke, startled by his phantom voice.

“The ripping. I'm sorry for ripping you away from your homeland, your friends, your father,” he paused. “The ripping hasn't stopped though, the seam hasn't been mended.”

“Why do you speak in riddles, your highness?” She addressed him formally, trying to wrap her mind around his enigma.

He smirked at her response. “I'm used to the ripping. My son was ripped away by the plague, my wife, my subjects, my countrymen. There's so much blood it would flood the towns. I need the ripping to stop.”

His countenance fell, revealing those same sad eyes she vaguely remembered during her girlhood. She longed to reach out to him but wasn't sure if it was appropriate, but she supposed it mattered little because it was their wedding night. Soon his hands would be anywhere they wished, marking her as his prize.

Despite her hesitation, she reached out to him, grasping his hand in her own, and testing the weight of it in her palm. He stiffened, and she assumed he wasn't used to this kind of touch, but she continued, stroking his fingers, admiring his beautiful, weathered hands. “You have beautiful hands, you know?”

He scoffed, amused. “There's nothing beautiful about me, princess. The years have worn me away, until I'm a shell of the man I used to be.”

“Your highness, I believe we're all layered. And maybe the years have been unkind.” She continued her gentle ministrations over his digits. “But my father said you were a good man, and I don't doubt him at all.”

He interlaced their fingers, startling her. Her breath hitched in her throat as he began making obsolete patterns on her skin. “These worn, despicable hands have killed men, princess. Yet, you touch me without revulsion.”

Belle dared a glance into his eyes. “I'm aware the cost of keeping a kingdom, securing your reign for centuries to come. It is built upon blood and alliances. And it's the reason we're sitting here in this carriage. I wasn't supposed to marry you, and you weren't supposed to marry me. However it's the way fate destined it to be – You and I, sitting here in this carriage, hand in hand.”

“Now who speaks in riddles, princess?” His age lines crinkled into a smile, as he drew her knuckle to his lips, kissing it reverently.

Belle's breath hitched in her throat. “Tonight, I apologize for my inexperience.”

The king gazed at her, full of wonder and awe. “And I apologize for mine, it has been many years since a woman has warmed my bed,” he admitted, sending a shiver down her spine.

He gathered her hands in his own, gazing into her cerulean depths – his eyes filled with so much sincerity, it wrenched her heart. “I would never hurt you, princess, and tonight I will treat you as a delicate flower. It will be a new journey for us both, this union. I'm sorry I'm not young or handsome.”

“I think you're handsome though.” She brushed prettily at his statement, and he half smiled. He couldn't help but think of her as his delicate flower, one he hoped wouldn't wither at his touch.

“And twice your age,” he teased, planting a sensual kiss against the underside of her wrist. She shuddered at the contact, aware their hands were still connected.

“38,” she answered coyly.

“39,” he corrected. “Today is my birthday.”

Belle blinked owlishly at his statement. “Why ever did you choose to wed on your birthday?”

The king shrugged. “To make a fonder memory. My birthday isn't exactly a joyous occasion.”

Before she could inquire further, the carriage came to a screeching halt. Screams erupted from the outside, and her eyes grew wide as she observed him brandish his sword. “Stay in the carriage, and whatever you do, don't leave. I shall return,” he commanded swinging open the door. He shut it, and she bolted it, sinking down – muffling her ears to drown out the screams coming from the outside. She wasn't sure if it had been hours or days, but the screams finally ceased and all was quiet. She stayed frozen in the carriage, wondering if he was dead. Suddenly the door swung open, revealing his cloaked form.

“Bandits, bloody bastards killed my driver and a few guards, but we got them rounded up,” he cursed, and Belle's face paled when she noticed the blood drenching his tunic.

“Are you hurt?” She inquired, her ears beginning to ring. He reached for her, bracing her fall. He pulled her onto his lap, commanding his men to make haste. He knew she'd only fainted. She was too delicate for him, and he secretly feared he would crush her with the weight of his sins. An innocent lamb caught in the lion's den.

She awoke, lying in his arms. She blinked, noticing a far away look in his eyes. The carriage was dark, and she assumed the sun had already set. She admired his beautiful, careworn face. She absentmindedly reached up to caress his jawline. He shuddered, gazing down at his new bride, unused to such a reverent touch.

“What are you doing, princess?” he mumbled, taking her hand and delicately kissing the underside of her wrist.

“I was hoping to, get a feel of what my new husband's skin felt like,” she spoke, blushing deeply from her admittance.

He gently brushed chestnut locks from her eyes. “Oh how delicate you are, wife. So innocent and fair. What have I done to deserve such a gift?”

Feeling bold, Belle raised up to capture his lips in an inexperienced kiss. The one they'd shared back at the ceremony was brief, but this time, she allowed herself to truly explore the outline of his lips – truly taste him. He kissed her back fervently, cradling her face in his hands. She'd shifted her position and was now sitting on his lap. He nipped lightly at her lower lip, and she carded her fingers through his soft mane.

He gripped her hips gently, securing her onto his lap. The kiss made her feel pleasantly warm, and she ground her hips into him, causing him to jerk forward. He broke the kiss, a predatory look in his eyes. “Be careful, little lamb, not to awaken the lion. The beast within has quite an appetite,” he warned.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27360130/chapters/66855967

Belle experimentally ground her hips into him again, causing his grip on her to tighten. She flushed deeply, her rosy cheeks eclipsed within the darkness of the carriage. His gaze grew intense, and he bruised her rosebud mouth with his lion teeth. Tongues and teeth clashed messily together, battling for dominance. The kiss was short lived for the carriage had came to a halt.

“We are here, my delicate bloom,” He purred deliciously in her ear, causing her entire body to tremble in the most pleasant of places. “We are in Albannach.”