#me answering this: damn my guys are fucked up. yall need therapy

[thedeafprophet]

12 - Do they have any self-destructive habits?

For whoever and as many as you want :)

12 - Do they have any self-destructive habits?

Josephine:

Oh no, Josie is Perfectly Fine. Obsessing over her vengeance quest for 13 years and being unable to move on or accept anything else is Totally 100% Healthy behaviour

In generally Josie's self destructive habitd can come off as less obvious... spending nights in her lab without rests, but really she just needs to finish this one thing-

Staying up late and fretting over her anxieties, unintentional self isolation, not asking for help when she needs it, etc. are things she tries to bury under her guise of Rationality and Focus but it really... isn't that.

Alex:

Alex is an arsonist. that is not. a healthy habit

Alex has a tendency towards self isolation, pushing other people away and refusing to make connections, not knowing what to do or how to keep people.

He often ignores his physical needs, like food and sleep, and will often push through pain and refuse medical attention or any kind of help, presuming he can just push through everything and make it (Narrator voice: this is not substainable)

Jamie:

Have you seen Jamie...

Jamie and self destructive habits go hand in hand, from their day to day activites to the relationships they engage it. Jamie repeatedly follows patterns of purpesfully putting themself in bad situations, even when they know they should leave.

(content warnings for self harm, drug use/alcholoism, and suicidal ideation)

Jamie has a long history with physical self harm , nothing ever super major, but enough to have used shapeling arts to remove previous scars. They struggle frequently still with suicidal thoughts, though obviously that takes a different edge when it comes to being in the neath. They tend to throw themself into reckless situations without much care of their own wellbeing or survival

Jamie copes badly with their mental health struggles and unknown ADHD, turning to drug usage and alchohol fairly frequently on a day to day basis,

I would posit that Jamie's dynamic with The Princess can be viewed further through the addictions metaphor, of how people can relapse when in a bad mental state, when support and needs are not met.

Self destructive habits are a fundamental part of Jamie's character... and im not sure even they know who they are without it anymore.

ask game from here

[lomlhotchner]

❛ zipper! ❜ … aaron hotchner

↠ the heart wants what it wants masterlist

[ next part ]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ pairing : aaron hotchner x fem!bau!agent

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ summary : while getting ready for the gala as an undercover business woman with her husband, your zipper got into a little problem that caused feelings to appear.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ warnings : suggestive content, mutual pining, idiots in love <3

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ hana’s notes : ahhhhh i decided to make this part of a series ; the hearts want what it wants !!!! since a lot of yall wanted it so i caved 😩😩 hope yall like this <3

undercover work is what you have been dreaming on doing since you were little. having to dress up, making up a background story and a fake name? who wouldn’t want that?

you were buzzing with both excitement and fear. excitement because you’re going to go undercover as a rich company owner, (and maybe because you’ll be posing as a married couple with the person you have been pining for a long time) and fear because the countless of things that could go wrong.

the unsub you were chasing wants to get revenge at the high class people because of his history of them knocking him down. instead of a therapy session—like any sane person would do—they figured it would be best if they killed them instead.

so here you are, looking at yourself in the mirror, trying to zip your dark green dress for the past ten minutes but you groaned for the umpteenth time that night. looks like it’s not happening without any assistance.

you didn’t want to do this, truly. but it seemed like the last option.

“hotch?”

hotch furrowed his eyebrows before turning the knob and opening the door, stepping inside the room, “you okay?”

you had to stop yourself from dropping your jaw because damn, he looked good. the way his black button up hugged his body, making his biceps looked like its about to pop out, the way his slacks sticks to his thick thighs had you staring but you were brought back to reality with his voice calling your name.

“yeah?”

“what did you need me for?”

you flushed with embarrassment, “right! um— i need help with my zipper.” you said before turning around, bringing your hair to the side to show your little problem.

are you actually joking? were you actually trying to kill him? hotch felt like all the air got knocked out of his lungs the first second he stepped in the room because of how utterly gorgeous you look, holy shit, he can just stare at you for hours. and now you’re asking him to zip your dress up? he had to blink a few times to make sure this isn’t a dream.

now it was your turn to pull him out of his shock.

“hotch?”

he coughed, trying to hide his blushing cheeks, “yeah, of course.” he walked closer to you as his shaky hands move to your zipper. he could hear the sharp breath you took when his fingertips grazed your skin.

there was a mirror in front of you both and you can see the concentrating face that he has on. it made butterflies appear on your stomach at the close proximity, and he smells so fucking good. only the sound of your zipper filled the room.

you let out a huff of breath you didn’t realise you were holding when the zipper reached the top. but surprisingly, hotch didn’t step back or move.

he hesitantly placed his hand on your back slowly moving down to your hips, making eye contact with you through the mirror a silent question in his eyes. is this okay?

you timidly nodded you head, and leaned back so your head was on the top of his chest. his warm hands tightened on your waist when you looked up at him through your lashes.

he was leaning in and so were you, lips almost brushing…

ding!

you guys immediately break away from each other at the sound of hotch’s phone. your heart rate picking up and your whole body felt hot.

did what you thought was going to happen actually was going to happen?

aaron backed away from you, subtly clearing his throat before answering an upcoming call, “hotchner.”

he was looking at you and you quickly move your gaze elsewhere as you occupied yourself with the lip-balm on top of the dresser. taking your time putting in on and smacking your lips together.

“it’s time.” hotch told you, making you turn around and nod your head at him, still in a bit of a daze.

he moved to get his suit jacket while you took your purse, making sure your gun was there. hotch was already out the door when you saw him and the moment stepped out, he immediately put his hand around your waist.

you immediately could feel your body go haywire, but that’s fine.

just a few more seconds of pretending and you can go back to normal.

whatever the hell that even means.

reblog for a kiss <3 || check out my masterlist!

[beebubb]

I read your LJ and will headcanons and i really love them! Can you perhaps make some headcanons of when LJ had to take care of baby william? Like how would he treat him when he hated him and then when he actually grew to like him?

Ahhhhhh!!! Yessss!!! I'm gonna make this a post of LJ taking care or will from newborn to now

LJ taking care of william grossman headcanons (childhood all the way to now) + a bit of will's back story

Will as a baby

Will was assigned to LJ before will was even born

So while everyone was celebrating the pregnancy, LJ was just pissed

"GODDAMNIT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T USE PROTECTION!!"

no one could hear or see him obviously, so he could say what ever he wanted

He just look at the dad be like "i bet that brat isn't even yours!"

He would just DREAD the day will was finally born

When will was born, and his mom finally came back home with will in her arms, was when he finally met him

".....he looks exactly like fucking isaac goddamnit!!!!"

He wouldn't take care of will and could care less about him

He would appear to will whenever he was alone in the nursery room and just say the meanest things to him or just hate anything will did

".....you're the cum shot your mom should have swallowed...."

"can you shut the fuck up?!?"

*carrying him* "go to hell you annoying waste of space"

"i wish I could take your eye out like I did to your fucking grandpa....."

"you know I can gut you whenever I feel like it"

Or just make dark jokes

"i can knock all your teeth over just like isaac! Wait, you don't have any! Hahaha!!"

LJ doesn't admit but, when he was watching over will, he just started crying, he was just so overwhelmed by everything, especially knowing he was stuck with his enemy's grandkid "i hate that i'm stuck with you!!! Why the fuck would you even want me?!? You're just going to abandon me just like your damn grandfather!!!"

With time though, he started growing fond of him

Will was really close to LJ. He would just smile to him, laugh, grab his pointy nose, and even if jack rarely carried him, you know those feathers jack has on his shoulders? Will would immediatly fall asleep with those

Once LJ was a bit more ready to care for him, was when he actually started trying

"Alright, i'm your guardian! I hate it! But if i'm stuck with you, i'm going to raise you MY way!"

"I'm the one protecting you so you BETTER say my name as your first word, got it?"

It took him a bit to warm up to him but it eventually came along

Will was a cuddly baby, so he loved to sleep on LJ's shoulder and grab his nose

"let go of my nose before I kill you"

When he was finally attached to will, he was acting more of a parent than anyone.

He would hate it if someone didn't take proper care of him

"you're holding him wrong!"

"he doesn't like to be held like that!"

"you're supposed to put 2 scoops of formula! Not 1!!"

"goddamnit I'm doing most of the work here!!!"

"if yall wanted a kid you should atleast know to care for it!"

Will's first word was JJ.

It was his attempt at saying LJ

"holy shit!!! That's not my name but it's close!! I knew it!!"

His mom and dad saw it as insignificant and thought it was just those weird baby noises that babies make

But LJ knew what he meant and was more happy than ever

"he likes me more!! In your face assholes!!"

Will as a toddler

LJ was there for his first words, so he was also there for will's first steps

Will was also a very energetic kid, and once he started crawling and walking, it was more chaos for his parents

They had to baby proof a lot of things

But LJ could keep up with his energy, and sometimes even tire him

Though there was this one time when will called him "daddy" and his dad thought he was calling him but actually, he was talking to LJ

Many think that LJ might hate to be called that sense well, you know, he hates children, but he honestly didn't know how to feel. He was a bit surprised, a bit happy, and confused

He didn't deny it, it was just like

Toddler will: daddy! Daddy!

LJ: um....uh... Lets keep playing ok?

LJ loved will and was happy to care for him and pretty much the hate he had towards him was pretty much gone but, he didn't really know how to feel

He let it slide but will called him that a lot

LJ would get a bit emotional sometimes but he would just try to ignore it and keep playing with will

Or he would just slightly smile

Will as a kid (4-11)

Will was now more aware and way more energetic

Which was more fun for LJ

Will didn't have many friends, except for LJ

Even if he was happy and energetic, will was a shy child at school.

Also he didn't play with anyone except jack

The teachers thought that will was weird and called his parents a lot

The teachers would always say stuff like "he doesn't play with any of the other children, and talks alone like if he were talking with someone else especially someone he says is called" jack", is everything OK at home? Have you seen a family psychologist?"

Will was actually taken to a few therapy sessions but he wasn't diagnosed with any mental illnesses. So people just assumed that will just had a really active imagination and that jack was just an imaginary friend

Though will being "weird" just meant he was gonna be an easy target to get bullied

But jack wouldn't let that happen. He wouldn't let some asshole kids ruin will's childhood

Sometimes when the kids would go to the bathroom or just go to the hallway to the drinking fountain, he would scare them by turning the lights on and off

Or he would even follow them home and would make his claw like hands appear from inside their closets or under their beds.

Sometimes he would even grab their legs which would terrify the kids

They soon stopped bothering will because "jack will come and get you!"

So will had a pretty good childhood thanks to Jack sense he would protect him of pretty much everything

When will was in kindergarden they had arts and crafts, he would sometimes draw his mom and his dad together but mostly his drawings were of jack

The teachers thought the parents were irresponsible because lets say that sometimes will's drawing were a bit graphic or creepy and they thought that it was because will watched too much horror movies

Teacher: what are you drawing, William?

Will: it's Jack and I!

Teacher: oh that's nice! But.. What.. What are you doing with Jack?

Will: We're using the stuff inside the guy's belly to make balloon animals! *keeps drawing* jack said that I'll be a killer when I grow up!

Jack was just a proud clown guardian

Jack's prized possession was a drawing that will made of the two of them. It just made him feel really appreciated. Also he encouraged will to play with the kids but will just preferred LJ

LJ: you know that you can play with the other kids right?

Will: i don't want to! I don't like the other kids! I want to be with you, you're my best friend!

It was just fun with will that someday jack would spend days laughing and laughing that sometimes it felt like he would get his colors back

Also will learned to cuss at a young age. And everyone can already guess where he got that from

He was a horror movie fan

Which is why he always said "i want to be like Jason when I grow up!"

"i want to do what leatherface does!"

"I'm going to be just like ghostface!"

But when LJ told him about the pastas, is when he started admiring them

"when I grow up, I'm going to work for slenderman!!"

Also you know in that one comic page where will was at the institution and said "i am the one and only grossman! And I will become the greatest killer the world and the underworld has ever seen!"

Well he had been saying that ever sense he was a kid

Will's mom was a really caring and nice mother but she would soon start getting angry every time will said he wanted to be a killer

Everytime the family got together or the neighbors would ask will what he wanted to be when he grew up, will's mom would always get embarrassed and try to change the answer

Neighbor: what do you want to be when you grow up?

Will: i want to be a killer!

Mom: AN ACTOR!! he wants to be an actor!! He just.. Um... Has seen so many horror movies and well he likes the actors! So he wants to be one!

Will would always get scolded by his mom or get grounded

"William, i told you a million times!!! Stop saying you want to be a killer!!! That doesn't exists! Just choose something normal!!"

William would sometimes just stand or sit in the corner and cry

LJ was always there to comfort him

"Don't cry buddy! Don't listen to that bitch! You will be a killer!"

His mom would get annoyed a lot of will talking about LJ

"You're six!!! You're old enough to know that jack is just an imaginary friend!"

"He's not imaginary!!!!"

And ever sense will knew about the underworld, that's the only place he would talk about.

Will: LJ please take me with you!! I want to go to the under realm! I want to meet jeff the killer! And ben! And masky! And slenderman!

LJ: i can't take you now but i promise i will when you're older!

Will loved his parents but he slowly started disliking them.

His mom always seemed embarrassed of him and his dad was becoming distant

The day that his parents got divorced, he did cry a few days.

He would always ask LJ "did dad leave because of me?"

But jack was there to reassure him it wasn't his fault.

"He's just a deadbeat bitch dad! But i'll be here for you! You don't need him!"

LJ pretty much took a fatherly role to will but never realised it

In will's school he had this "bring your parent to school day" thing and he didn't tell his mom, he wanted LJ to come

LJ didn't have a human disguise like the other pastas sense he was technically an imaginary friend. So he had to consult the rulers of hell to give him a temporary one or grant him that ability

LJ: Come on please! He really wants me to attend! Lend me a fucking hand here!

Paimon: i don't know, your job is just to protect him, you don't NEED to attend something as simple as a school event, he has his mother

LJ: i know but my boy wants ME to come! He doesn't want his damn mother to go!

Yeah, LJ called him "his boy"

He was more of a father than ever even if he didn't admit it

Bael: *sighs* fine, we'll give you a disguise just for today

LJ: yes! Thank you!

And LJ was able to go to will's school, he just presented himself as will's uncle

Will was happier than ever

Jack tried to act normal so he made up lies of his career

"Oh um i'm a....surgeon!"

Being a surgeon was the closest thing to his actual job. I mean, they both take out people's guts right?

Will as a teen (13-17) (basically now)

Will had a bit of an emo phase but not completely. It only appeared whenever he was with his mom

Only when he was with his mom he was distant and always seemed annoyed

He became the typical angsty teen. Started drinking, getting piercings, dying his hair, wear black, eyeliner, etc

Mom: another piercing?!

Will: yeah! Why do you care!?! I'm already an embarrassment to you aren't i?!

They would get into arguments a lot

Especially because of his sexuality

His mom didn't respect will's privacy so he would always check his texts, pictures, etc

"You're talking with girls AND boys?!?!"

Will was bisexual but only LJ knew obviously.

"If my boy likes guys then fucking let him!!! Stupid bitch!!!"

Though no matter who won the argument, it always ended with will crying or just laying on his bed listening to music

William would run away a LOT

Him and LJ had found an abandoned hospital where they would always hang out.

Will could be himself with LJ

His mood and attitude completely changed there.

They would drink beer together, tell jokes, prank random people in the streets, or just do random things

"Look at this street sign i stole!!"

But how did will finally go to the underworld? A family argument in will's 16th birthday

His mom invited everyone to the house.

But will was uninterested

And his mom like always, didn't want to "be embarrassed" by will, so he forced him to wear something else besides black, to take all of his piercings off, and didn't let him dye his hair

Everyone was there eating together

But will, like always, was distant

Uncle: so how are things in school?

Will: everything's fine

Cousin: what college are you going to?

Will: *shrugs*

Will hated his party.

LJ: enjoying your sweet 16? Haha!

Will: i hate it....

LJ frowned seeing him upset in his own birthday, but he gave him something

LJ: hey, i got you a little something! I know you want to be a killer so here!

He gave will the bird mask

Will: ! My...my first killer mask?!

LJ: yep!

Will: holy shit!!! Thank you! *puts it on* i love it!! I look like an actual serial killer!

LJ: i knew you would like it!

Will was super happy with his mask but he was called outside to cut the cake

"Cut your cake bud! Once this party is over, how about we go get some drinks?"

Will smiled "alright!"

He went out to cut his cake.

A few hours later though, everything was ruined

Will had another argument with his mom.

Will: I'M your son!!! Not them!!! Why do you like them more?!

Mom: i do like you will! I just...i just want you to be normal like them! I want you to want a normal career! To do better in school! To dress differently, and like girls!

Will: i DO like girls!!!

Mom: then why were you talking to boys?!?

Everyone just looked at will in shock

Will: b-because.....because i'm fucking bisexual!!! I like boys AND girls!! I'm not gay!!! There's a difference!!!

Mom: but you like boys!! That's not normal!! Nothing of you is normal!! Liking boys isn't normal! And being a killer isn't normal either!!

Will: oh so you hate me for being me?!?! I fucking hate you!!! You make my life a living hell!!!

Will stormed off to his room and locked himself and started sobbing.

Jack saw everything. He would have killed will's mom but everyone was there, plus he wasn't allowed to (a disadvantage of having a deal with the rulers of hell)

Will felt humiliated infront of the whole family

Jack saw how upset he was, so that's when he finally made up his mind

LJ: hey, remember when i told you i was bringing you to the underworld one day?

Will: *wiping away his tears* y-yeah?

LJ: well, that's today!

Will: wait, really?!?

Will immediately sat up his a smile on his face

LJ: yep! How about we leave this place? Let's go to to the underworld! You won't have to worry about your mom anymore! Or that shitty family of yours!

Will: yes!!!!! Yes I'd love that!!!

LJ: then pack your things and lets go!

Will got up from his bed and started packing. And once he was done, he just stood up smiling with his bags in hand

Will: let's go!!

LJ covered will's eyes with his hands.

And before Will knew it, he was in the underworld.

And that's when will finally started a new life.

LJ didn't have a luxurious life to give will but will loved it. Even if they lived in a shitty apartment, will was more happy than ever.

Will was still underage so LJ took care of getting him registered as an official underworld citizen and getting all the paper work done to have full custody of will as his guardian

So he basically adopted will

Will: i can actually be a killer here right?

LJ: yep! There's actually an institution for killers! So I'll start working on enrolling you in!

Will: yes!!!

And that's basically how their lives started

[akvtsuki-ari]

A Study In Body Language: v. love is a virtue

Warnings: smut! unprotected sex, mild angst, but other than that mostly fluffy. 

Length: 6.5k

Authors Note: holy shit yall. we did it. 25000 words, 5 chapters and a whole lot of emotional turmoil, we fuckin did it. i will be writing an epilogue for this story but for now, here it is - a study in body language. hope yall have enjoyed this wild ride 

Plot Summary: Spencer realizes how deep he’s fallen, and reads something that changes his plans of confession. Love is beautiful, apparently. 

Link to the song mentioned: 1000 Times by Sara Bareilles 

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

He overhears you in the bullpen. You’re not sad when you talk about it, and maybe he was a little too hopeful to hear you clearly but you sounded relieved. He hopes you’re relieved but he doesn’t know how to deal with that feeling. He doesn’t feel sorry for himself but he could drown in the relief when you say you broke up with Jay. A weight off of his shoulders, off of his consciousness. For a moment he wasn’t so damn restless. You were single but he doesn’t know what that changed. Everything felt different, shit everything was different. The world that he’d come to know was shattered underneath the weight of this feeling. 

“Why’d you two break up?,” JJ asks. She’s curious, but Spencers hanging on your voice for the answer. His whole body relaxes. You pause, maybe you’re shrugging. 

“I don’t know - I think we both realized that this wasn’t gonna be long-term but we’ll always be cool. He’s a really good guy, but we have different wants, I think,” you say casually. You don’t sound sad. 

“You don’t seem upset,” Prentiss comments. Spencers happy he’s not delusional. 

“I’m not. The whole thing was really mutual and I loved him but not as anything more than friends really and he feels the same so I’m okay,” You say casually. He doesn’t hear much else, so he walks away before you can turn the corner and see him. 

Rain beats on the windows when Spencer walks away. It’s been raining for days now, the darkness seemed to be encompassing but it was nice. Spencer liked rain, watching it when he needed to think and it seems like he was having to do that more often these days. Rain wasn’t somber to Spencer, as much as it was a sobering reminder. Rain made him think of you, but most things did so he isn’t sure if it’s any deeper than that. Everything made Spencer think of you. 

Spencer couldn’t stop himself from thinking of you. It was a crushing realization that you were in love with someone and that you would do anything to make them happy. It was always apart of him, he couldn’t catch a break without being reminded of how much he adored you. Things continued as normal but he was working hard to make sure of that. He didn’t want to lose you, or hurt you so he tried so hard to make sure things were okay, even if it killed him slowly. He wanted to call you his, because in his heart of hearts, he wanted you to think of him as yours. Spencer was overwhelmed every time he saw you because it was you. You were you and he’d give you everything if you asked for it. He would rob the stars in the sky for you, he would steal the sun for you to keep, he would do anything to make you happy. That realization was crushing and Spencer was unsure if you had any clue.

__

The work day passes normally. Everyone was ready to go home, though some of the team wanted to hang at O’Keefes for a drink but you and Spencer passed. They all gave each other knowing looks, that Spencer became aware of when he realized he liked you. You still seemed clueless, and that was a scary enough thought. Spencer just flushed as he sees everyone walk out to the elevator, leaving you and him alone for the night. 

“Any special plans, Spence?,” you ask Spencer, fiddling with the strap of your bag as you two waited for the next elevator to come. Spencer shakes his head, looking at your stance and smiling. The bag was too big for you, clearly too heavy on your shoulders but he knew you’d never get rid of it. It was a thing about you he’d picked up from before. 

“Not really, no. Might go home and watch some TV, though I don’t know what,” Spencer replies thoughtfully. You nod in understanding, letting out a huff of frustration as you let go of your bag problem. Spencer just chuckles as he stands in front of you, fixing up the buckle before the strap. You look up at him with a grateful grin, and he feels his heart pound. Love, love, love on his mind when he looks at you. He feels a bit sick, but he figures it’s a symptom that seems to swallo him. 

You wrap your arms around Spencer and lay your face in his chest.He wonders if you can hear how hard his heart is pounding but it doesn’t seem like you notice. You nuzzle into him, and it seems to be so subconscious for you. He wants to ask himself if this was friends did but he knew better - this was too complicated for such simple questions. He hugs you back, taking a breath and you pull away and look up at him. His eyes are a pretty green, spots of brown speckling them but they look hazel in the light. You’d see them sometimes when he woke up and they’d fall under the sunlight. You always liked them and maybe you look too long, so you pull away. Spencer wishes you didn’t but the moments gone before he can protest. 

The elevator dings. The doors both open as the two of you travel down together. Spencer wants to offer you some company but he can’t tell himself too when he knows his own intentions. 

____

Spencer was alone. It was the wordless night that seemed to eat at him, even though the clock had only barely scraped by to 11. Lately, Spencer doesn’t have trouble sleeping but it seems like that would change soon. Thoughts of you were cocoon his thoughts. He felt so stuck, because he wants to tell you how he feels - but the risk is too great. Too much of a burden to bear because he has no clue about how you feel. He assumes you don’t return those feelings but if you did -  he wasn’t sure if anything would change. That reality is far more crushing than not knowing at all. 

One thing Spencer did when he was thinking of you was read your letters to him. Those letters were more important for his sanity than he wanted to admit. You told him of everything, gave him daily reminders of why he needed to see the world again. Your return was more than waited on, but prayed for. A selfless act in self-preservation on your behalf, and a brave one on Spencers. 

The first letter dates a few weeks after Spencer was in rehab. You’re so different in writing, maybe more honest because you aren’t thinking so much. Spencer doesn’t know how to explain it but he likes the way you write. 

Dear Genius, 

Congrats on a whole 3 weeks!! I’m so proud of you, and I’m happy to hear you like group therapy. I loved your clown painting, by the way and I want it framed for my apartment ASAP - seriously I had no clue you were so good at art. I also want pictures of when you guys have group therapy with those service dogs because that is so cute!!! Excited for the next letter just for that. 

Updates on my life are pretty boring but you asked so I’ll deliver. My dad is doing okay right now. We’ve talked a lot and he’s sorta mulled over my chilhood and apologized about well… all of it. It was a bit much, to be honest but thats okay. I’ll get through it, especially when I have these letters to look forward too. I met someone sorta too, he’s from DC but he moved into my neighborhood. He’s nice, but who knows, you know? 

Also, you told me to keep sending you new music to listen too, but honestly I just wanna send you radio hits. You should listen to The-Weeknd, maybe Starboy? I mostly just wanna see how you feel about stuff people listen to on the car radio haha. I don’t know, but either way, hope you like the song. 

Anyways, I love you and I’m looking forward to our next correspondence. Good luck always, and keep yourself strong. 

Best Wishes,

Y/N 

Spencer smiles big. The kind of smile that reaches the lines in his eyes and makes his whole body relax. He replies with what you ask for, he remembers. He had a picture of him with an Australian Shepherd from therapy that you framed and put on your desk. He remembers how much you liked it, though he wasn’t sure why. He hadn’t sent you the clown painting yet because it seemed to slip his mind but he reminds himself to give it to you. He looks through more letters, reading the different one-sided exchanges. He reads your weekly updates about the community mural that you painted with all the kids while you were back home. He reads about the different volunteers, and how your childhood friend who you lost touch with had moved back and had a baby. Her name was Ellie, and you loved her. He comes across the letter where your dad passed away, only a month into your trip. 

Dear Spencer, 

Hey kid. I’m happy to hear about your progress!! I know it’s been tough because you’ve hit that middle slump but I know you. I know you’ll get through, it just takes time and you’re doing great keeping your head above water. I love you and I’m so proud of you, you’re gonna go far. 

I know I sound different here, it’s because my dad passed away last night. He passed quietly, stubborn bastard. I cried, more than I was expecting. He’s the last person of blood who would claim me as family and he just sorta disappeared. It’s just weird, how little i seem to feel. I was sad but it was weird, more emptying than anything but in a fucked up way I was relieved. I don’t know. I suppose it’s complicated

It made me think of you, in a weird way, I guess. You told me to send you music and I guess this is my indirect way of telling you stuff, but you should listen to 1000 times by Sarah Barielles. I don’t really know what to make of it but thanks for being a good friend and I’m grateful for what we have as friends always. You’re a good person, Spencer. 

Anyways, let me know if anything changes and good luck next week. I miss you, but I know we’ll see eachother again soon and things will be good. Keep sending me pictures of Dianes cat also because she’s so cute and I love her. Thanks for everything. 

Love always, 

Y/N 

 Spencer looks at the song you sent. He normally listens to every single one but that week he had already used up all of his computer time to read the articles from your local newspaper and he never got a chance too after that. He figures now was a good time, always having a piece of you when he got that music. Even if the song wasn’t his style, it made him think of you and for him that was most than enough. It was a blessing in a lot of ways to have a part of you that only he knew of. It was music anyone could listen to but the meaning was his alone. Spencer opens up his laptop and types in the song title. He presses play, awaiting whatever pop ballad you had waiting for him

Then the lyrics start to play and Spencer feels sick,” 

“Again again I let it go, let it go/ Cover my mouth don't let a single word slip/ Out wouldn't wanna tell you, no tell you, no/ Nothing could be worse than the risk of/ Losing what I don't have now,” 

Shit. 

Spencers heart drops to the bottom of his stomach. He feels like he’s going to die, and he doesn’t know how else to explain this feeling of detriment. You told Spencer you loved him a full month before he even realized how far deep he was and he just… didn’t acknowledge it. Spencer wanted to throw up, every visceral feeling of panic banging on the inside of his chest and threatens to crush his heart under the weight. Spencer could feel it in his throat, as he scrambles to find his phone your contact, dialing your number as he feels the drum of his heartbeat. His fingers shake as he hears you pick up on the other side.

“Hello?,” 

Your voice makes Spencer ache. Spencer breathes out, unable to speak for a few seconds. You look confused on the other side of the phone. 

“Spencer?,”

Your voice is all Spencer hears yet your words feel distant. His voice is abysmal and small when he speaks - the words trapped in the maze of thoughts, unable to be expressed correctly. Spencer coughs before he talks, trying to clear his airways even though nothing was really wrong. 

“Are you home and are you busy?,” Spencer asks, tears threatening to run down his face before his voice can give out 

“I’m home but I’m not busy, why? Is everything okay? ,” Panic is subtle in your voice, Spencer swallows thickly. 

“Yeah, yeah - I’m okay. Can I come over?,” Spencer asks, voice quiet. 

“Of course, Spencer. See you soon, and drive safe - the weather is still bad so you gotta be careful,” you say warmly. 

“Yeah, of course. See you soon,” Spencer replies. The line clicks and Spencer stares into his phone. He picks his care keys up and puts on a jacket, knowing he’d still get caught up in the rain. 

____

The rain is heavier than it was before. It was late, the clock reads 11:45  and Spencer can’t see much as water spills from the grey clouds that hung over his head. It was peaceful, almost. When you ignore the feeling of imminent panic and anxiety that washes over him, the rain is soothing to his ears as heavy as it. Spencer hands around the steering wheel are gripped tight enough to make the pads of his fingers white. His skin is hot, chest covered in a light sheen of sweat as he thinks of what's going to happen when he gets there - or moreso, if anything has happened. Spencer's thoughts are deafened by his own uncertainty - he owes it to you to tell you but if it’s too late for him he may never come back from that. He needed to tell you because you deserved to know but the thought of nothing happening hurts him. He’d rather you didn’t know but that’s not fair.

Spencer's thoughts of your ex-boyfriend pop up and he feels guilty. He’s tearing himself to pieces finding every reason in the world not to tell you, but he had to make the right choice because you were braver than he could ever be. He wants to show you he’s changed and that he won’t run from this. He refused to run from you. 

His hands shake when he knocks. His hair is wet and the water seems to soak through parts of his old jacket. He looked like a mess he was sure but it didn’t matter. Spencer was so anxious, he doesn’t remember the last time he ever felt this anxious. 

When you open the door with a smile - that’s when Spencer knows you were the love of his life. He just looked at you, looks at you with sunken eyes that flit over your face with a feeling you can’t explain. Spencer needed you, maybe more than you needed him. 

“Hey, Spencer,” You say warmly. Spencer walks inside and you close the door behind him. He looks at you for a second, taking his jacket off as he just looks to you in silence. He wants to spit the words out, he wants to say them so the two of you can get caught up together. Spencer wants to be yours, and for you to be his and then some. Spencer loves you. 

“What’s up?,” you ask quietly, seating yourself next to Spence whose found himself a spot on the couch. You grab his hands and play with his fingers for a few seconds, the touch is just so damn intimate. You loved Spencer, so much more than you could explain. You had that little anxious bubble in your chest about what could happen - that ‘maybe’ that brought you so many restless nights. You wondered if today was the day but before you go to dismiss the thought, you feel Spencers hands under your chin. He lifts your face up, eyes examining your face carefully. His scruff was nice, he looked different than before. 

Before you can ask, Spencer kisses you. It’s out of character, and in many ways out of place for him. He’s not the type to kiss anyone out of the blue but he doesn’t know else to break the tension with any language other than physical. It's the way his lips melt to yours, the way you kiss him back immediately, the way his lips have a way of holding yours. The way his hands hold your face up. It was everything that made you remember that Spencer was fucking kiss you. Kissing you like he was the reason he was breathing. Curled around your very existence, with his lips giving you their every secret. This kiss was an exchange in secrets, but more than an assurance. Spencer kisses you, and you kiss him back and the whole universe is still. 

When Spencer pulls away, you’re more than speechless. You look at Spencer, looking in his eyes for regret and you find none. Solace, maybe but no regret. You just look down, too scared to look at him again but he stops you, lifting your face up again. 

“Don’t hide from me please,” Spencer croaks “I need to look at you,” 

“Why?,” 

“To make sure you’re real,” Spencers confession makes your body heat up. 

“What’s gotten into you?,” you laugh nervously. You think Spencer will follow in suit, going back to being silly with you like normal but he doesn’t falter. He holds both of your hands and looks down, your eyes still fixated on him. Spencer sighs. 

“I read your letter, from when your dad died. I never had a chance to listen to that song, but I did. I normally did but that one somehow managed to miss me and..,” he trails off, like his thoughts are moving too fast for him to say what he wants to. You swallow thickly. So he knows, you figure. 

“It’s okay if you don’t, you know, return those feelings,” your voice chokes out. Spencer laughs. 

“You’d be a fool to think something like that,” Spencer says earnestly. You choke a little violently. 

“Oh?,” 

Spencer turns to look at you again. His eyes are full of something, and this time you know the feeling. You give it to him often, that look of adoration That “You’re so stupid, please marry me,” look you give to the person you want to love most in this life. 

“My whole life, I couldn’t afford to believe in anything related to destiny. I didn’t believe in miracles, or destiny, or a lot of other things for a long time. Sometimes I still don’t, like when cases go so bad that the whole team is left with that hollow feeling,” Spencer starts “I try my best to remember joy and happiness, and sometimes I do believe in miracles but it’s not everyday. Sometimes the pain was just too heavy,” 

“When I started taking dilaudid again, I was just trying to cope with the pain. My life can feel like a series of unfortunate events sometimes,” Spencer says softly. The grip he has on your hands tightens just a little bit. 

“I’ve been wanting to give you this confession for weeks, but like always you’ve proved to be more brave than I could ever be. Of course you figured it out first, who could be surprised but,” Spencer pauses for a second. 

“You’re the love of my life. Maybe it’s too much to say right now, maybe enough time hasn’t passed for me to decide that but if I said anything less I’d be lying to you, and I don’t want to lie to you ever again,” Spencers voice is barely above a whisper. 

“Y/N, you’re the only woman I could ever love this much. Those two months, those words that you gave me are what kept me sane. It was thoughts of your voice and your touch that kept me alive. It was your kindness that gave me strength, your love that gave me courage. It was you that reminded me of what it feels like to have hope, and perhaps even believe in miracles and destiny,” Spencers crying and so are you, but you still managed to hold eachother. 

“I’m wholly in love with you. I really don’t know how to say anything else. Please be mine because for now, loving you is all I really want to do,” Spencer says the last part with a small voice. The butterflies in your stomach make it hard for you to speak and you’re crying so much you have a headache. You want to kiss him, and say something back but for now you’re just crying a little bit. You’d clear all the grey clouds in the world to give Spencer some sunshine. 

“It’s always been you, dickhead,” you say through giggles. Spencer loves the sound of your laugh, if he could he would bottle up and keep it for himself to wear around his neck. Spencer wants to wear your name around your neck so the whole world knew he was yours and you were his. 

You can’t hold yourself back from moving into Spencer's lap, bare thighs over his legs as you lean into his neck. You adored Spencer and you knew that for so long, but you always figured he didn’t feel the same. That song was your confession, and when he didn’t listen you always figured he didn’t feel it. Miscommunication is a hell of a drug, you figure. You were here now, wrapped in Spencer and more than ready to give him all of you. You adored Spencer, the way his mind worked full of cogs and his heart was full of affection. It was everything Spencer did when he was getting better, giving you purpose. Spencer made you feel at ease, always. Even when bad things seemed to swallow you up, Spencer gave you ease. 

You look up at Spencer, there are small tears in your eyes when you do. You straddle his lap, and kiss him again. Holding your waist, Spencer smiles. He’s so grateful to be touching you like this. Spencer wants all of you to himself and he’d be damned if he was selfish for it. 

“Spencer,” your voice is small, but happy. Spencer hums, wrapped up in the way the two of you kiss for him to be upset. You look up at him, into him in the way only you can and speak again. 

“Make love to me,” your question is quiet. Spencer immediately became a little unsteady but he understood your request. That term “make love,” used to gross you out but you got it now. Sex and love are different - but sometimes you used sex to make love. To feel someone so close to you like that, you wanted to make love with Spencer. You wanted to have marks all over your skin so that the sight of him could be there forever, and for him to fuck you like you were the only thing he needed. Spencer wanted to make you feel wanted, and you wanted him to want you all the same. So, Spencer smiles, places a hand on boths sides of your face and kisses you slowly. Spencer loves you, adores you and wants to make you feel beautiful. 

“You wanna go to your room?,” Spencer asks. You nod, and Spencer lifts you up before carrying you. You’re wrapped around him, yelping at his surprising strength. 

Spencer lays you down, eyes glassy as he looks at your figure. He’s admiring you - he wants to make you feel pretty. You’re the prettiest woman in the world to him, and all he wants to do is make you feel it. He leans into you, his body pressed to yours as your legs are tangled. Spencer always cradles your face when he kisses you, as if he’s trying to hold you as close to him as possible. Spencer treats you like glass, his touch an ink stain leaving your body with permanent color as he kisses you. His tongue pushes past your lips softly, before pulling back. His fingers are so nimble, tugging with the sides of your shirt, staving himself off as he feels your bare thighs. 

His mouth moves to your neck, peppering kisses along the sides of the column of your throat. He grips your thighs, feeling your wrap your legs around his waist pulling him closer. Spencer tugs at the ends of your shirt, detaching from you so you can get it off. He chokes at the sight of you without your top on and you can’t help but hide your face. Spencer's face leans in, taking your nipple in his while he uses his free hand to gently brush against the other one. 

“You’re beautiful, you look so good like this,” Spencer comments. A soft whine escapes your lips at the combination of words and Spencers touch. He was sweet with every movement but damn he had way too many clothes on. 

“Spence, take it off,” you whine. Spencer gives you a small laugh, taking off his shirt before hovering over you again. His body was surprisingly toned from being out in the field and you definitely weren’t upset about seeing it. Your hands find their way around his waist, touching his skin in appreciation. He gives you a shy smile, before his head ducks down again, moving to kiss down past your breasts to your stomach and above your naval. His kisses are gentle, mouth careful in leaving them in as many places as possible. He stops when he ghosts his mouth over your panties, placing a kiss on your vulva - a wet spot formed on the light color. Spencer moves to kiss your thighs, getting close to your center and taking his time with it. Small hickies take place all along your skin, Spencer wanted to mark the word “mine,” into your skin with his mouth. He wanted you to think of him always, but especially when you were doing this. 

Your breaths are staggered and heavy, as Spencer rubs you down with his hands - palms massaging your legs as he touched you. For the first time in your life, when someone touched you could feel how much they meant it. Maybe it’s because Spencer manages to make things you’ve felt before feel different - he makes everything feel better. 

Spencer slides your panties down your legs carefully. His eyes are low when he sees your clit, sensitive and aching for his attention. He places a kiss on it first before he sticks his tongue out flat for you. Your fingers grip his hair immediately, legs wrapped around his shoulders where you could see him shift his weight to unzip his jeans and get himself off which only worked you up farther. Spencer eats you out like he’s been starved of you his whole life, head rhythmic as he brings you to your orgasm and slows down. He’s making an attempt to savor you but enjoys the sound of irritation you make every time he stops, something he’d explore farther at a later date. You’d gotten head before but it always came off as a favor and not like your partner wanted to do it for you. Spencer made sure you knew he wanted just as much as you did. 

You orgasm in Spencer mouth twice in borderline succession as Spencer refuses to pull away, smiling as he holds your hips down and makes your whole body shiver. You have to catch your breath when he finally spares you and gives you a toothy-boyish grin of satisfaction that you only ever saw when he beats you in a card game. You look down at him adoringly, wanting to cry at how lucky you felt. You pull him to kiss you and he looks at you for a second - a questioning one since he just had his tongue inside you. You roll your eyes in a “duh, that’s the point way,” and Spencer swallows thickly. 

“Do you want me to return the favor? Because I’m more than happy too,” you say reaching for his dick, which twitched at your touch. Spencer shakes his head. 

“Not right now, wanna focus on you tonight,” Spencer replies. You look at him with the most affectionate puppy dog eyes and Spencer bursts out into full giggles. God, he loved you. 

“Can I?,” Spencers question is tentative, and all you do in response is open your legs up wider for him and give him a nod. You mouth a “please,” to him and Spencer just smiles, kissing you softly. 

Spencer stretches you out so fucking good. He’s careful, whispering pretty nothings about how beautiful you are and how lucky he was. The words were only fuel to the fire as you tighten around Spencer and some choked sound leaves his throat. Out of curiosity, you do it again and Spencer moans aloud. You give him a raised eyebrow and his voice is suddenly low. 

“Do that again and I’ll cum,” Spencer warns. You giggled for a second before looking up at Spencer's face. 

“You can cum in me if you’d like to,” you say, voice innocent  “I’m on the pill,” Spencer wants to cum right then and there but he pauses to take a deep breath. 

“Think I’ll have to take you up on that,” Spencer groans. You use one hand to rub your clit as Spencer pulls his hips back and starts to fuck you. The motion is slow at first, not wanting to hurt you but your voice in his ear only urges you to go deeper. 

“I’m so lucky to have you like this love, you’re so pretty for me,” Spencer's praises are so sweet to you. Sugar to aching ears when he speaks lovely words for you. You whine. 

“Spencer please cum in me - god, please,” you egg Spencer on as you get yourself off one last time. Spencer presses his forehead to yours, pausing for a second to kiss you sweetly before pounding into you again. 

“Shit,” Spencer's voice feels like it gets stolen from him as he finishes inside, feeling your orgasm aftermath convulse around him pushes him off the edge as you look at him warmly, a soft blush flooding your expression. 

“I love you so much,” you giggle to him, wrapping your arms around his neck and allowing him to rest his body weight on you. Spencer wants to stay with you like this forever, wanting to wrap you up in his arms and hold you for eternity. He was hoping you’d let him. 

“I wanna stay like this, but let’s go get cleaned up first,” you say thoughtfully “I can wash your hair for you and we can shower together,” you say softly. Tears well up in Spencers eyes - remember the last time you did just that for him. He nods softly, burying his face in your neck, kissing new bruises that were soon to become dark purples. 

____

You come out of the shower first as you hear a knock on your door. It’s been a few minutes and the knocking has been incessant, you figure it’s a neighbor or maybe someone who needed help. You wrap your robe around yourself and towel around your hair before you open up the door. 

To your fucking dismay, it’s JJ, Emily, and Penelope - all stood outside with a bottle of wine as a greeting. Your eyes pop open immediately as you try to brush away the panic and give them all a fake smile. 

“Hey guys! What are you all doing here so late?,” you ask, internal panic threatening your life. They all give you a knowing look. 

“Well, we wanted to talk to you about something and we figure -,” Garcia starts but is interrupted by the sound of Spencer's voice, calling out to you as he walks out of the shower and in view of the open door. He can’t see them, but they can see him and he’s covered in hickies. You shut your eyes in disbelief as they all go dead silent. 

“Oh - oh my god is that Spencer?,” JJ asks shocked. You’re going to throw yourself in front of a bus. 

“Shit,” Spencer bolts into the other room leaving you to deal with the mess. You were so gonna get him for that later. You give them all an apologetic look. 

“We, uh - yeah,” you say a little distant. They all just giving you a knowing look, even Garcia even though that’s mixed with a bit of disgust. 

“We’ll see you on Monday, Y/N,” Emily says, being an angel and cutting the conversation short. You just nod as she drags a blabbering Garcia and deadsilent JJ away, reminding yourself to send her a thank you note later on. You walk into the room with Spencer and he gives you a guilty look, eyes apologetic as you roll your eyes, walking up to him to kiss him. 

“You’re so goddamn lucky I like you, dickhead,”

“You like me?,” Spencer asks, wrapping his arms around your waist before falling over to lay down with you. 

“Oh shut up, you know I do,” your tone is mean but your face gives you away. Spencer kisses you long and slow before looking at you again. The room is barred with loving silence, it feels every part of the air. It’s domestic, soft and adoring. A person whose love made you feel child-like joy but whose being brought your soul such comfort. You and Spencer lay in your bedroom like that for a while. 

“We should change right?” you ask laughing. Spencer nods. 

“I have clothes for you in my dresser,” you remind. Spencer nods as he stands up, slipping on some boxers and a shirt. You change into some old college pj’s and shorts and get laid up next to Spencer. 

There’s this silence that fills the room. It’s difficult to describe, the feeling of it is so new and hard to pinpoint exactly. You can feel it just barely on your skin, the way Spencer's arms hold your waist as the two of you lay next to each other, closing the gaps of space that fall between you - just itching for that familiar feeling of closeness. Spencer Reid was the closest thing to heaven you ever got - scruffy face and curious eyes. It’s hard to find truth in another person, yet stil Spencer shows up for you and kisses away all your nightmares. Loving him was so certain, but the fact that he loved you too felt unreal, still. Maybe it always would. It was a lot for you to take in but the feeling of him at your side, face on your chest sleepily messing with your hands. The way he looks up at you with such a pretty expression, mouthing the words I love you. It was the silence in the room and the cadence it managed - the soft and lulling adoration buzzing the nerves on your skin and kissing you awake. This was more than love, but faith. A regained faith in the notion that good things really can happen to good people. Spencer's love to you was a promise from the universe that good things are always around you even if you don’t see it at first. 

Spencer is so relaxed against you now, you read his body language and can feel his exhaustion. You were so attuned to him, fingers aching  to run through his hair and tell him how proud you were. Spencer made your heart light - his beaming smile turning you flush. Beautiful - him, this, the universe. Loving Spencer made the world feel so beautiful, even though both of you encountered such darkness in it. You were going to marry him someday, you were so sure of it. Someday you and Spencer would grow old and live with some livestock in a cottage somewhere far from here like he wanted. Or maybe a house in the suburbs with two babies you call your own - and a cat, and a dog too. Anything would work for you, but Spencer is probably a bit more picky. 

For you and Dr. Spencer Reid, love has always been a case study in body language. People lie, or hide the truth when they talk - so the two of you have never fallen in love with the words you may exchange. Instead you’ve fallen in love with the gentle touches, the longing glances and lingering hugs - or the feeling of their skin on yours when the night is too cold to be alone. It was the dilating pupils, and the feelings that universe seemed to fall away when the two of you shared looks to each other. You fell for Spencers subconscious before you ever fell for his mind or his body - the little things he did like raising his shoulders when he was happy, or fiddling with your hands when he was deep in thought, you fell in love with the things Spencer would never see for himself and he did the same for you. Spencer fell for the way you moved without thinking. For the person you were when all the curtains were closed. 

Love is anything but conscious. Love is deep-rooted in the sheer notion of that being alive is worth something, which is to say love is the basis of life. Not romantic love - but all love. Love is the basis of life. Spencer Reid loved you, sharing a piece of his life. In returns you gave him yours. An eye for an eye can give us sight we could never have before, if the exchange is born of adoration. 

There are still so many unresolved knots to tie, but for now it didn’t matter. Just like those first two months, Spencer is laying at your side and he smells like you. For now, he was here with you - as the two of you fell so deeply for each other as the seconds passed. There are so many questions to answer, but that’s okay for now. 

You two had all the time in the world to figure the rest out, and for him - thats more than enough. 

This silence was more than enough.

____

taglist:  @cynbx​ @zephyr-studiesjp​ @skrrrrrrrrrrt​ @reid-187​ @louistwinslover​ @pastanest​ @nomajdetective​ @iamburdened​ @secretlyablueunicorn

[mayapenelopeclutterbucket]

*SPOILERS* for TGD 3x12 “Mutations” aka this is me typing from the dead because this episode gave me more then one heart attack 😭🙏🏼

Also I’m sorry this post got so long I’m just so excited/happy Jesus Christ like wow just wow

So I wasn’t initially going to watch this live because I have work at 5 in the morning 🙃 and because I wouldn’t be able to pause it while my hands try to keep up with my thoughts but it’s been so long since I’ve been able to do it and I missed it despite my hatred of commercials lol so wish me luck!

Also I’m very very excited for the melendaire content we’re getting tonight since they’re working together again and I’m freakin hoping at this prom they throw Melendez either does a double take at how nice Claire looks OOOOR we get him asking her dance 😭 just SOMETHING PLZZZ

I haven’t even started the ep yet and already can’t wait to see some of the moments in hd tomorrow once it comes on Hulu 😂

I can’t believe shaun is really gonna move out like I get where Carly is coming from but shaun is allowed to have female friends and after some theories from the last ep I’m worried shaun only told Carly he loved her so she wouldn’t leave him like “everyone else”

Aww adorable these two are so cute and Claire thinks they’re adorable as well and imma sue abc if one half of that couple dies or even worse BOTH

Melendaire group chat finally popping again 😭 although I don’t text back until break I love y’all tho 💕💕

So secret checkups with glassy and Morgan 👀 when are ppl gonna find out about her arthritis for the drama~~

Oh my god since when does Melendez go in there for MRIs it’s so just to see Claire oh my god Melendez being in love with Claire and her usual compassion

Omg cuties joking about Claire going to therapy and it working well and talking about love and being happy

Like why else have them interact like that omfgggg I can’t not even five minutes in and we were already getting melendaire content 😭 THEYRE SOULMATES

God damn it I knew it something was gonna happen to the girl since the guy is a okay

Well damn that medication Morgan is on for her arthritis is FUCKING her up smh 🤦🏻‍♀️

Aww all she wanted was one prom but we know Claire will make it happen for her

Aww them talking about prom and Melendez wanting Claire’s answer and her talking about her mom so freely and then going to see glassy together THE MELENDAIRE MOMENTS KEEP COMING 🙏🏼

The fact the writers were just like fuck park lmao he doesn’t even need to be in this scene with Melendez & Claire or instead of Claire 😂

I’m surprised Carly didn’t say anything about lea knowing their business again

Lmaoo Andrews calling Morgan out about sucking up and her owning it

Claire you are not sorry for overstepping don’t lie lol

Sharly working together professionally how adorable

Park is so annoying I’m v done with him he has no soul IM TIRED OF IT

I have missed Claire being pushy to help her patients

I’m glad Carly’s smarts and her being badass scenes are being extended past the lab

Oof Melendez being supportive of his boo and unsurprised of Claire wanting to make their patient happy (BECAUSE HE LOVES HER FOR IT AND IS GRATEFUL HE GETS TO WORK WITH HER REMEMBER) and wanting her to find a way around the mom 😭😭

God I love these two

Oof trouble with sharly has risen

Awww Carly and shaun getting each other and their ideas and finishing each other’s sentences l*mlendez could NEVER but melendaire could 😂 sorry cheap shot I know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Glassy is gonna out Morgan on her arthritis soon I feel it

Wow a shaire moment when was the last time they shared a fucking scene like they’re supposed to be besties wtf happened writers?!!? Aaaand it’s over in like a minute

😭😭 Claire is such an angel she’s the freakin BEST

Carly using science to explain how she feels to shaun cute

Oh my god no you can’t use an Ed sheeran song with cancer patients 😭😭 that makes it 20x sadder

Melendez and Claire are totally staring at each other in awe omg

Omg Claire Melendez are chaperones park no where to be found y’all know what that MEANS and they’re the only other people there they better fucking dance together omg I can’t he just said Claire looked to be feeling idiotic happiness 😭

AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WAS RIGHT I FROZE AND COULDNT BREATHE BUT MELENDEZ REALLY DID ASK CLAIRE TO DANCE AND THEY DID HOLY SHIT I CANNOT BELIEVE WE GOT THAT MELENDAIRE MOMENT I’VE BEEN DYING AND WAITING FOR SINCE I SAW THE BTS SCENE OF CLAIRE IN THAT OUTFIT AND FOUND OUT THIS EP WAS GONNA BE A PROM EP I had to type all that after the moment ended so I could really experience it since I can’t pause OR rewind but I was yelling oh my god so much my sister had to ask if I was okay 😂😭 I had a heart attack when he asked her if she wanted to dance ngl

Claire being inspirational and giving good speeches again I love her so much and am so glad she’s doing better

Carly you better not have changed your MEDICAL opinion because you wanted it to align with Shaun’s 🙄

Wow glassy you really had no other ideas nor could you jump in I hate him

The melendaire exchanging looks scenes are back in action

Wow that Carly and shaun moment was super adorable him calling her idea perfect and brilliant and her being brilliant and almost perfect 😭

Man they really said fuck park this ep huh he isn’t with Claire and Melendez again

But boy shit no she died 😩😩

Wtf why can’t Claire and her patients ever catch a BREAK like leave Claire ALONE and omg does Claire being heartbroken again mean we get another Melendez comforting Claire scene?! Becaus the way he stared after her after she ran off 👀👀 oof is NOT platonic lol

Aww sharly held hands to comfort and support each other

Holy shit I was right suck it katie @pinkobsessedfreak (I’m just kidding I love you 😂💕💕) for bringing the group chat down and shutting my theory down

BECAUSE GUESS WHAT WE SERIOUSLY GOT MELENDEZ GOING AFER CLAIRE WITH ANOTHER STAIRS AND BALCONY SCENE AND HIM COMFORTING HER AND MAKING HER FACE HER FEELINGS AND TELLING HER ITS OKAY TO BE ANGRY AT HER MOM (I was robbed of a hug but it’s okay I got everything else I fucking needed tonight) and now he has an idea for with something that makes him feel better

That fake out 😂😂

Wow oh wow this ep really was chock full of melendaire moments NOW THEYRE BONDING BY MELENDEZ AND CLAIRE RUNNING TOGTHER AND HIM HELPING WITH HER GRIEF AND AND EMOTIONS AND TEASING EACH OTHER OH MY GOOOOOD IVE DIED AND COME BACK TO LIFE SO MANY TIMES THIS EP SO IM SORRY IF THIS POST IS SO LONG

don’t y’all love how lim was in this epcand yet we didn’t get a SINGLE l*’mlendez ep because I sure af do!!! Also park who?? Lmao he was hardly in this ep even tho he working the same patient with Melendez and Claire they really shoved him out to make these endless melendaire moments happen

SLOW BURN BABY WE BACK IN FUCKING BUSINESS

Also in other news shaun lost his v card and it looks like we’ll get some more Morgan angst with her mom possibly dying or some shit like that like man these writers really don’t want any of the residents and doctors to have good parents or alive ones for that matter lmao

Also some breznick moments which will be cute

YALL IM STILL SO EXCITED FROM TONIGHT LIKE OMG THIS SHOW THIS SHIP GETS ME EVERY TIME I CANT WAIT TO GIF IT TOMORROW 😭😭 like I can’t get over it I’m in SHOCK still

We’ve really gotten Melendez comforting Claire not once not twice BUT THREE TIMES this season. This really is our season and people try to say Melendez treats all his residents like he does Claire or that he has done the same for others before YEAH FUCKING RIGHT

Okay I’m done I think freaking out at least on this post freak out about it in the comments with me tho or my ask or by reblogging just be happy with me okay 😂

P.S. check out my melendaire gifset that’s not showing up in the tags 🙃

[inacommitedrelationshipwithfood]

What I Thought, as I Thought It (part 2 🤪)

Yo what episode is this lol

Vic is sad all the time and I stg if this means they're shooting Avery I'm gonna lose my shit yall

Vic and Travis are straight up the best tv friendship omg

Andy has some Big Shit going on in her brain I can tell

Oof rip Emmett

Yo Andy I know the feel my parents are straight up hoarders lol

Dixon just gets worse every single episode huh

If that lady goes to jail for stabbing that twerp I'ma scream

Just Giver Her The Meds

Don't die for that shit yo

Of course she's gonna be fine she only married you bc her dad was dying you lame ass

Nooo Darcy :((((((

Noo Sullivan you bitch

Emmett you Absolute Buffoon

Whew just a bullet to the leg we good y'all we good false alarmmm

Maya whyyyy

Andy baby I'm so sorry

No Travis say no you are not in love with the dumb baby

Can this show just be Travis and Vic forever?? Please I'm begging

"I tried" lol

Warren just give him the damn code you righteous bastard

Well shit👀

Oh shit forgot I thought vic was going to see jackson not sullivan

Hell yeah Vic you tell him babes

Okay and? The fuck? The method of your parents death is unrelated to you being a corrupt bitch?????

Sir I get that piano is expensive but GTFO

Jack is trying to be better thank you

Emmett you are right hun, this is not your life, you're allowed to quit this is all your asshole father's fault

Maya, what the fuck?

And I repeat, WHAT THE FUCK?

Nahh bro you don't get to talk to Andy like that, she is a strong woman she don't need yo crusty ass

Jaaaaack I thought we discussed this whole sleeping with someone else's woman thing

Broken is an understatement ma'am

Warren is always right, this is def your fault for stealing drugs sir not his for reporting you

Obvi he has feels for Vic bc she's the bomb dot com

Maya that beautiful Italian (?) woman DID NOT deserve that

Well that was a quick turnaround Emmett. I guess that's fine. Still think he needs therapy WAYY more than he needs a bf but whatevs.

ALSO needs to break of that engagement!!!!

That was the right thing to do Sullivan, thanks bud

This is big sad and def not the answer Andy wanted, I thought Herrera was a good guy don't do this to me

...and the countdown to the season finale begins👀👀👀👀

[hopeishappinessff]

Holding Onto Hope: Chapter 54

Chris

There was something moist against the side of my face, probably drool. My head was pounding to the tune of what felt like a migraine. My body ached like I had an incurable strand of the flu. There was a throbbing pain in the side of my neck as if someone tried to break it. My eyes opened into slits and shut right back because night had turned to day and the light punched me dead in the face.

I made up my mind… somebody beat my ass and left me stranded on a mattress in an alley to die. That was the only logical answer to why I felt like literal shit laying on the softest surface. If someone stuck a pistol in my face and demanded that I tell them where I was and what happened to me, I’d be dead in a second. I really had no clue where the hell I was, how I got here, and why I felt this way… I’d never felt this way in my life.

Something wasn’t right though. I could feel my stomach contracting in and out of queasy knots… I was deathly afraid to move. As I inhaled slowly through my nose, not even air was agreeing with my stomach right now. Licking my dry as the Sahara Desert lips, I struggled to swallow and that was it… that was the icing on top of the cake. I was going to throw up.

It was now or never… mind over matter… all pain no gain… I needed to get to a bathroom, now! Bolting upright from the side of the bed that once cradled me into a numbing slumber, I blindly recalled my surroundings and moved to the right side of the room. There was a familiar door situated there and once I pushed through it, I silently thanked God that it was indeed a bathroom. I hurled my body across the small space and landed on my knees in front of the open seat in just the nick of time.

Everything I’d ever eaten from the day I was born flew like hot searing lava from my mouth. The vomit plus the excessive liquor I’d ingested just hours ago made my eyes water to the point that I was literally crying. God, I could only imagine how much of a hot mess I looked like right now. I continued to puke for what felt like hours, praying that no one would come bustling through the wide-open door, but with just my luck… I heard footsteps entering the room. I coughed, relieving my throat of a few small chunks that left me feeling like I had a sore throat, then quickly flushed the toilet because I was too embarrassed for anyone to see the revolting sight. Sniffling nonstop, I wiped at the corners of my eyes to rid myself of my vomit induced tears just as Hope waddled around the corner. I wanted to smile at the picture-perfect sight of her, standing there with a hand wedged against her widened hip… but by the time my eyes landed on hers, I was almost stunned by the peeved expression on her face.

“I’m sorry,” I blurted, quickly attempting to explain why I was a blundering ball of mess on her bathroom floor, “I got way too carried away last night and now I have the world’s worst hangover…”

“Your phone has been ringing nonstop all morning,” Her face held not one hint of humor as she tossed the phone down on the floor in front of me, “You might want to answer it. That number just won’t seem to stop calling… and texting.”

With furrowed brows of confusion, I glanced down at my ringing phone and frowned at the unknown number flashing on the screen.

“I don’t know who this is.” I muttered, evidently loud enough for her to hear.

“Check your text messages. I’m sure you know exactly who it is.” And with that, she turned and stomped her way back out of the bathroom and the bedroom altogether. Staring out after her, my eyes connected with her side of the bed and how perfectly untouched it looked, as if she’d gotten up sometime in the night and never returned.

My mind drifted back to what she’d said on her way out and I quickly looked back down at the phone just as it stopped ringing. Snatching it up from the floor, my thumbs scrolled frantically from screen to screen until I reached my messages and suddenly my heart stopped, my next breath got lost somewhere on the way up, and my entire body grew hot.

 From: 804-732-1001

3:32 AM

Hi handsome, this is ur new admirer… Rose ;-)

 From: 804-732-1001

3:37 AM

Hope u made it home ok. Miss ur sexy self already

 From: 804-732-1001

3:45 AM

Ur friend was a cock blocker at the strip, don’t u think?? We could have had so much more fun!

 From: 804-732-1001

4:01 AM

Until we meet again, handsome…

 There were a few more messages following that one, but I stopped abruptly after scrolling past a picture of her exposed breasts and the three piercings in the valley between them. And to think my drunk ass really thought Hope sent me a picture of her breasts last night…  no, it was this girl and she was a fucking lunatic! Though I still felt queasy as fuck, I got my ass up from that hard floor as fast as I could, leaned over into the sink to swish a bit of water around in my mouth, then I bolted back out of the bathroom. The migraine blazing through my head had me feeling like I would pass out at any minute, but I didn’t care about that… I needed to get to Hope, now.

I heard commotion in the lower level of the house and I flew down the stairs two at a time then raced around the corner into the den. The boys were all lounging in there, Dontay and Rashad included, but I didn’t care about them either… where was Hope?

“Where did Sy’Diyah go?” I blurted.

“The kitchen.” One of them said. I think whoever it was went on to say something else, and I may have caught the tail end of a question pertaining to Rose’s crazy ass, but I couldn’t give a fuck about that right now… my relationship was potentially over at this very moment.

I suppose I should have taken a bit more time upstairs to really consider how I was going to handle this situation. Or maybe I should have stuck around longer in the den to hear exactly whatever it was that whoever asked me. Because now I was standing in the doorway of the kitchen with four different pairs of eyes glaring at me and I immediately felt like a microscopic object beneath a lens from their cold, hard stares. It looked like the girls were all happily working together to fix up a nice breakfast, but the moment I set foot in their cook space that all came to a screeching halt.

“Sy, can I talk to you for a second?” I mumbled bashfully, keeping my eyes on her even as the other three stared at me like I had a disease.

“I actually think you should probably go home and get some rest, Chris.” That stung… she was the only one who ever called me Charlie and I loved it… I loved the intimacy behind it and I loved the way it sounded coming from her lips. Chris… sounded so basic and like I was in trouble.

“Please let me just… let me talk to you for only a second Hope.” I eased a bit closer to her, though she kept her back to me as she continued to dice a few tomatoes on a cutting board. She sighed and dropped her head back, turning only half an inch to barely face me “Just go home… please.”

 “Hope…”

“So ya’ll nigga’s really met some hoes at the club last night? And brought they nasty asses right in that section with ya’ll, huh? Fucking trifling as fuck…” Tameka said, surprisingly calm. I glanced at her briefly, but quickly returned my stare to Hope who’d turned completely to face me.

“Then have the audacity to bring that fuck ass nigga in this house, knowing he was on some hoe ass shit too! Ya’ll ain’t shit, I swear yall ain’t shit. Got a whole baby mama cooped up in the house waiting for your dirty ass to come home and for what… you already found your nut for the night at the club. You ain’t shit Chris and neither is that fuck nigga Kendrick!” Tameka started out fairly calm, stalking toward me slowly with a sharp tipped index finger aimed at me. By the time she reached the end of her rant, she was screaming and damn near running at me and it took Destani and Nalay to hold her back.

“Tameka, that’s enough!” Hope hollered, shutting down the whole charade before it could progress even further, “Can you guys just take her outside to cool off for a minute?”

The girls both did as she asked, but not without Destani sending daggers my way like I’d done something wrong to her… and to my knowledge, I hadn’t done a thing wrong to anyone. Hope waited until the back door shut before turning her attention back to me with a frustrated sigh.

“I don’t want to deal with this right now Chris. I just want you to go home and let me clear my head before you try to explain whatever mess you made last night…”

“I didn’t make a mess last night Hope. I’m not leaving here until you hear me out because I did nothing wrong. Just listen…”

“I don’t want to listen because there is nothing to hear. You have nothing to say to me right now. There should be no reason at all for some random girl to be blowing up your phone, sending you pictures of her breasts at four in the morning. There is no way you can explain that to me.”

I was standing close to the refrigerator at this point and because of that, it became my target within an instant… I could feel my right fist curling into a tight ball and before I could think back to any of my therapy techniques to get myself calm, my fist went flying.

“Just fucking listen to me!” I roared. I felt the rage building like a slow fire in my chest. I hadn’t felt it in so long thanks to months at a mental institution and medication to suppress it… it almost felt, good. Adrenaline also pumped so fiercely through my veins that I could no longer feel a migraine, or the body aches from a long night out… or my fist that’d just slammed into the refrigerator door. Glancing at the stainless-steel door, I froze at the sight of a visible dent in it. There was a whole dent in the refrigerator door… what the fuck was I thinking?

My wide-eyed stare fixed back onto Hope who was now cowering away from me near the counter close to the refrigerator. God… what had I done? I punched that got damn door and she was standing that close to it all along? This was… horrible. I felt like a fucking monster.

“Hope… I’m sorry…” I started to whisper and move closer to her… until she pushed her right hand out toward me… the hand that still held the knife she’d been using earlier.

“Don’t… just don’t. You need to leave, now.”

I could hear feet shuffling behind me… the boys had come to hem me up and drag me out of here. This is how it always goes, right? I make a fucking fool of myself by threatening my girlfriend. Allow my inner demon to unleash itself on the wrong victim, then I’m left to get hauled off like a criminal. That’s exactly what I deserved though. There should have been no reason for her to stand there with tears quietly trickling down her rosy cheeks, staring back at me in utter disbelief and disappointment. There should have been no reason for the fear that glazed over in her eyes… but there was a reason. Me…

“Hey man, what the fuck is going on?” Dontay was the first to reach the scene and he quickly snatched me up by my left arm and I let him. Clearly this was a volatile situation… Hope was still standing there with the knife pointed at me and her left hand was nestled protectively against her belly. My baby… how the fuck could I do this?

“God…” I muttered pathetically. Before any of them had the chance to round me up and ship me off to my mom’s house, I gently tugged my arm out of Dontay’s grasp, then quickly excused myself and rushed past them all and out the front door. What had I done?

  Hope

I didn’t understand what had happened. Didn’t understand why it happened. Didn’t understand how he snapped… but he did. He charged right at me and only feet away from where I stood, he unleashed the power of an army of men onto a door that was so close I could feel the wind from his fist when he threw the punch. He took literally all ten steps back right at that precise moment. He was right back at square one. My heart shattered at the thought, I dropped the knife onto the counter, and broke down right there in the middle of the kitchen. To my surprise, Rashad was the first to rush forward to catch me before my knees completely gave out and he held onto me. He gripped me tight and stood there as I cried a river all over the front of his shirt.

The boys all crowded around like my protective saviors and I cried even harder… it never failed to amaze me just how much they cared. They were all like brothers to me and it truly warmed my heart to witness something as powerful as the circle of support they formed around me. I stood there crying with them huddled around for a while and by the time my tears slowed down to soft whimpers, the girls had reemerged from the back patio.

“Babe, what’s wrong? What happened?” Destani burst through the door and practically snatched me right out of Rashad’s grasp, “What did you do to her?”

“I didn’t do anything. She just got a little worked up.” He explained, for the first time in over a year addressing her directly. I could feel her body tensing against me as she held me close to her like the overprotective friend she was. She clearly wasn’t expecting a direct response from him, but she didn’t let that show on her face.

She quickly schooled her features and sent a strong scowl his way “Where did Chris go?”

The thickest layer of silence washed over the kitchen. No one uttered a word and for that I was thankful. Lifting my head from Destani’s shoulder, I glanced at Rashad for a moment and conspicuously peered at each of the boys for a brief second before turning to her.

“He had to go home.” And I left it at that. This one would have to stay between the boys and I for now. I didn’t need any additional drama between the girls and Chris… I didn’t want this to escalate any further than it already had.

I wasn’t sure if Destani bought my lie or not, but she didn’t mutter another word… perhaps because Rashad was in such close proximity and he’d just spoken to her, something she wasn’t at all prepared for.

She stayed quiet even as I pulled away from her and turned to the boys as I wiped up the remaining remnants of my tears “We’re going to finish up breakfast now. You guys can head on back to the den and we’ll let you know when everything is ready.”

They each seemed to be fairly hesitant to walk away. They lingered there, staring at me as if I would fall right apart if they ventured too far away. It wasn’t until I cracked a reassuring smile to not only let them know that I was indeed alright, but to also thank them for coming to my rescue before they finally exited the kitchen one by one.

“What was that about?” Nalay asked after a few awkward moments of silence.

“Nothing,” I blurted quickly, “Everything is fine.”

We got back to work on the breakfast I’d promised the boys, me being the first to get back to my work station. The girls all followed suit and of course I could feel a piercing stare from the other side of the room. I knew it was Destani. She was looking for answers because clearly something had just gone very wrong. But I didn’t have anything for her. At some point I needed to learn how to manage my relationship all by myself without running off to my friends searching for advice. Lord knows I loved them all as if they were my own sisters, but…  I felt like I needed to be a big girl about it and for once, keep my mouth shut. Not to mention, I didn’t want his own childhood friends passing judgement on him the way Tameka had done only minutes ago. I felt like I would tarnish his relationship with these girls if I blabbed about what went down just before they came back in the house and I wouldn’t dare risk that.

The remainder of breakfast was cooked with light conversation that was started by Nalay who, of course, never failed to take it upon herself to sense anyone’s distress. She seemed to sense mine in an instant and I truly appreciated her for that.

My aunt had gotten home not long ago and was upstairs knocked out, somehow through all the commotion. So, we summoned only the boys to come join us out on the deck for breakfast. I noticed that Tameka made it a point to ignore Kendrick, who’d made it a point to sit right beside her. I smirked at the sight… he needed to give her time, she would come around eventually. I felt a sudden pang of guilt as I sat there surrounded by their lively conversation and laughter once my eyes drifted for only a second in the direction of Ms. Joyce’s house… maybe I should have just listened to him. I should have given him the opportunity that he begged for to explain himself to me. No… I had to continue to think strong and not give in to my soft spot, which was him. He needed time to cool off and get his mind together and I would give him just that. The episode that he’d had in the kitchen came as a complete surprise to me, so I needed him to get a grip and fast.

 --

 The entire day had nearly gone by, everyone had gone home, and here I sat on the couch in the den watching a documentary on Netflix… alone. I hadn’t heard from Chris since the incident this morning, not even a single text. It surprised me to a certain degree, but I was okay with it. He needed this… I needed this. I was almost proud of him for not caving in and reaching out to me because just as he was a soft spot for me, I knew I was that plus more for him. I remembered like yesterday when my loved ones used to insist that he had a heavy reliance on me… Destani and my aunt would constantly drill me with the story of how much I meant to him and how he seemed to barely function without me. Over the past year alone I’d learned the ugly truth of his extreme dependence and though I vowed to never leave his corner, I needed him to figure this one out on his own.

I’d gotten so sidetracked by my own thoughts that I failed to realize that my latest documentary had just ended and I was sitting there in complete silence. But my thoughts were so loud, I couldn’t even hear the silence in the room.

I almost laughed at the realization of myself sitting there on the couch, all alone, with no one to keep my company… I wasn’t used to it at all. The silence was short lived when I finally started up yet another documentary and seconds after that, I heard light footsteps padding down the stairs.

“Hey baby, you hungry?” I nearly forgot my aunt was even home and I quickly swung around with a smile to face her.

“Oh not right now, but I’m sure I will be in about an hour or so.” I said.

“Well you just let me know when and I’ll whip something up for you,” She drifted further into the den and plopped down on the end of the couch I was sitting on, “What you in here watching girl?”

“Just some nonsense on Netflix, but you can change though.” I extended my arm out with the remote in my hand, but of course she shook her head and refused to take it. If only she knew just how consumed I was with my thoughts… I’d barely been watching much of anything on the TV. We both turned our attention to the television and sat in a comfortable silence for a while, but eventually I could feel her stare against the side of my face.

“Have you talked to your dad or Tawny lately?” She asked.

With a smile I nodded and glanced over at her “I spoke to Tawny last night and I’m actually scheduled to talk to her again in about an hour and a half.”

“You’re scheduled to talk to her, girl what?” She laughed.

“Well she made me promise to make myself available every night around nine-thirty so she can facetime me to check in.”

She continued to laugh as she shook her head and sighed “That girl is something else, I tell ya.”

“I talked to my dad a few days ago. They’re really excited to get here. Every time I talk to him, that’s all he talks about.” I giggled.

“Aww, well I’m glad to hear that. I know I talked to him yesterday evening and girl when I tell you I’ve never met a man more excited to be a grandfather.” We both laughed and after a while the layer of silence washed back over us. My aunt’s eyes were still fixed on me… I could feel it. It’s almost like there was more that she wanted to say, but for some reason she was hesitating to say it.

“Sweetheart,” Turning my head to face her, I stared into her concerned eyes and waited for her to speak, “Is everything alright”

My immediate instinct was to nod and tell her that everything was fine, but… I would be lying to her if I did. And if I lied to her, she would know it.

Dropping my gaze to my twiddling fingers atop my belly, I sighed “I don’t know.”

“Mmhm, you know Auntie knows her girl. What’s on your mind baby?”

I sighed, yet again, and shook my head. My thoughts were all over the place so it took me a while to get a grip on at least one so that I could properly convey it to her “I’m just… I’m so confused Auntie. I guess I’m starting to wonder if Chris and I are ready to enter parenthood together.”

“You don’t think you’re ready for parenthood?”

“Well,” I paused, glancing over at her and silently egging myself on to just let my thoughts flow “I don’t think he’s ready for parenthood. I mean, I know he already has Jaylen, but… he barely gets any interaction with him.” “Well what makes you say that? What happened that’s got you thinking he’s not ready?”

“He went out last night with the boys. He actually didn’t even want to go, but I wanted him to because I thought it would be good for him. So I talked him into going and he got home really early this morning, and… he must have met someone out last night...” I was almost too ashamed to give any details about this half of the story because this part was only a reminder that, perhaps, Chris hadn’t changed.

“And why do you say that? What makes you think he met someone?” My aunt asked, sitting up a little straighter in her seat.

“His phone was ringing nonstop after he got here. Over the past few months I’ve been sleeping as light as a feather, so it woke me up and I got up to silence it. I didn’t mean to go through it… I really didn’t. I didn’t even look through anything, I just… I saw the text messages that came in between the phone calls and… it was just easy to tell that that was someone he’d met last night.” I kept the story at that… didn’t bother to go into any details about what was said or the picture that was sent. This wasn’t something I’d ever openly discussed with my aunt… Chris’s infidelities. It made me feel uncomfortable to even think about sharing that embarrassing truth with her.

“Hm, well have you had a chance to talk to him about it? Did he explain to you who this person was and why they were calling him at that hour of the morning?” My heart dropped at the sound of that question… I hadn’t had a chance to talk to him about anything because he snapped and I silently threatened him with a knife before I could.

“No ma’am.” I spoke so lowly with my head dipped in shame, I was sure she probably hadn’t even heard me.

“Maybe all you need to do is talk to him baby,” She leaned back into the cushions of the couch and crossed her arms over her chest as she laughed, “I bet it’s just all these hormones you’re dealing with that had you overthinking and jumping to conclusions, right? Talk to him… I’m sure he has some type of explanation.”

Slowly shaking my head, I licked my parched lips and stared at her with brows twisted in defeat “He snapped in the kitchen this morning Auntie. He tried to explain himself to me, but… I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say, so… he snapped.”

She froze in place and stared at me blankly for a while, almost as if she was registering exactly what I’d just said “What do you mean, he snapped Sy’Diyah?”

I had two options at this point. I could either continue this story in its entirety and inform her of the new dent on the front of her refrigerator, or I could just let her mosey on in the kitchen and discover it for herself. I sighed and shook my head…

“He wasn’t too happy with me cutting him off and refusing to let him explain himself. So… he punched the door of the refrigerator. And in response… I stuck a knife in his face.”

The room grew deathly silent then, with the exception of some British man discussing the southern pacific on the documentary that was playing in the background. I was afraid to look up at her. Afraid to discover the shock and disappointment on her face.

“Sy’Diyah…” Her voice was hushed and the sound of it tempted me to turn to face her, but I couldn’t, “Look at me baby.”

“Is he ready for this Auntie?” I mumbled feebly. I could feel that familiar heavy feeling of my throat closing, preparing itself for an onslaught of tears. This was indeed a difficult reality for me to grasp… the reality that I had a boyfriend who suffered from two different illnesses that wreaked havoc on his mental and emotional stability.

The cushion of the couch directly beside me dipped with her weight and I continued to stare down at my hands, even as she reached in to lace her fingers over the top of mine.

“I can’t answer that for you honey. I can’t…”

“Auntie,” The first tear fell and I quickly reached up to swipe it away… I was so tired of being the world’s biggest cry baby, “Did I make a mistake?”

The cool tips of her fingers suddenly tickled at the bottom of my chin, applying the slightest pressure to get me to lift my head. She stared into my pain-stricken eyes as if reading my soul and her face morphed into about three different expressions until she finally settled on sorrow. I felt her arm slither along the back of my shoulders and suddenly she was pulling me forward, tugging me into a hug only she could give.

“You did not make a mistake sweetheart. Remember what I told you when you were a little girl? You were only about ten years old and I told you… nothing you do in life should be branded as a mistake or regret. Every decision you make, good or bad, shall teach you lessons, help you grow, and make you the person you are with each passing day.”

“But, I… I… I don’t know if this is a good idea anymore. I don’t know if I can handle this Auntie. I love him, so much… but… I have a child who needs my love now. She is my priority. It’s my job to make sure she’s safe and secure, no matter what…”

I sobbed against her chest as I listened to my own words. I had never, ever, in the entire span of time that I’d known Chris, spoken of him this way. Like a… a criminal. But here I was, mapping him out to be some violent stranger who was going to do harm to my daughter. He was her father… he would never hurt her. Yet, why did I feel so conflicted and compelled to… question his stability?

“It’s okay darling, trust me… it’s okay,” She cradled me close to her, my head rested comfortably between the crook of her neck and her chest and her right hand caressing my hair and the side of my face, “You know, when you were only one week old and your father placed your tiny little body in my hands and asked me to… to take you and care for you, I became a mother at that precise moment. I’ve obviously never had children of my own, but when the instincts of a mother kick in, it simply can’t be ignored. It is your duty, Sy’Diyah, to love and protect this little girl with everything in you. I recognize that that desire will never, ever leave you… because you are your mother’s child, you will be a phenomenal mother.”

I felt like a little girl with the way she held onto me. I guess I hadn’t realized it, but… I needed this. I needed my Aunt’s touch and love. I needed her guidance and soothing words of wisdom. She was the only mother I’d ever known… I needed her maternal touch.

“And one thing I do know honey, is that the young man next door… the father of your child… he is the love of your life. You two were created especially for one another. God crafted you, and only you, with the ability to love that boy in a special kind of way that even I can’t fully comprehend. I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship. I don’t know what makes the two of you tick. But I do know that you would both be heartbroken if you gave up.”

Sniffling quietly against her chest because my tears had subsided, I blinked slowly and sighed… every word she’d just spoken eased me back to my senses and I felt a thousand times better. I raised a hand to wipe the remnants of my straggling tears and lifted a hand to my belly. My baby… I prayed that God gave me the strength to be at least half the woman that my Aunt is for me, for this child.

“Thank you Auntie. You don’t know how much I needed that.”

“Oh I know exactly how much you needed it girl, I was just waiting for the day.” She laughed. Pulling back away from her, I turned to face her with a raised brow “What do you mean?”

“You know that motherly instinct we just talked about? I just… knew.”

I smiled and swept a few strands of hair away from the side of my face that’d gotten stuck from my tears “I really hope I can be all of what and who you are for my daughter. I’ve never met a woman with your strength and knowledge.”

She grinned, hard, and snorted through her nose with a shake of her head “If only you knew your own strength. This little girl… she’s already blessed and she doesn’t even know it.”

I felt the warmth of her palms against the sides of my belly and I peered down at the sight… yeah, baby girl was tremendously blessed.

“Now, my suggestion for you is to get some rest and focus on this pregnancy. Don’t stress yourself with anything or anyone. You should be resting and nesting right about now, not worried about some knuckled headed, love struck boy who had a hissy fit against my refrigerator.”

She laughed and I laughed right along with her… I really did feel bad about the fridge.

“He’ll come back, just give him some time. Ya’ll are deeply in love, true enough. But perhaps a little bit of a break will do you both some good.”

She was right… I loved Chris with everything in me, but now more than ever… we did need some time apart. I just hoped that he would feel the same.

[franeridart]

hey fran, i really love you & your art!! i fell in love w your bokuroteru tattoo au after reading it through, and then i found your bakushimas and i love them so much! you're actually the reason i found the motivation to start bnha lol and i'm really glad i did, so thx!

Thank you!!!!!! So much!!!!!!!!!! For liking my stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *O* and you’re most welcome, I’m super happy you’re liking it!!!!!

Anon said:I love dragons and I love kiri and I love your art so that post is like all three of my favourite things rolled into one, B L E S S.

I’M GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:your traditional sketches are so cool!!! i feel like it kinda adds like depth to it or something but like those are so neat what if you lined some

Thanks!! And I’ve actually thought about that, but I’m not much a fan of going back on stuff I already posted... it’s more probably I’ll just go back to the concept and draw more instead of lining those haha

Anon said:FRAN UR TRADITIONAL ART IS SO CUTE OMG ITS SO GOOD (also DRAGONSSSS)

GAH I’M SO DAMN HAPPY YOU GUYS ACTUALLY LIKED THOSE OH MY G O D S

Anon said:voltron third season is cOMING SOON AS IN TWO DAYS AAAAAA ARE U EXCITED?

Anon... my pal... my dear friend... I don’t know how to break this to you but... I haven’t even properly watched s2 yet...

Anon said:i started reading bnha bc i wanted to understand your art better, and I gotta say it's a really great series. thanks for inspiring me to read it. finished the manga today and my favs are definitely kirishima, tamaki, toshinori and fatgum. actually I knew kiri would be my fave anyway bc 75% of why i got interested in your bnha drawings was bc of him...he's just?? so good?? that aside your art is incredible and your characterizations of the bakusquad are perfect. you're super cool, keep doing you!

I’m!!!!!!!!!!!! aaahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you so much oh my god ;A; I’m happy you decided to try it, I’m super happy you ended up liking it, and I’m indecently happy you actually do like Kirishima!!!!! BOI!!!!!!!!!!!! He needs all the love he can get, the pure son ;A;

Anon said:your art is so good wth!! everytime i get the notif that you posted i get so excited!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!

Anon said:The fuck is shitty ab these traditional art pics. They're good, everything u do is good, don't play blind u perfect shit

Tough love! Sometimes this comes around my inbox too haha it’s fine anon, the reason why I rarely draw traditionally is that I never feel like I’m done with a drawing when I do, feel incomplete for however much details I put in because tbh there’s always more I can do on them, so with shitty I mostly meant “incomplete” lol going okay this is finished is something I don’t know how to do with traditional doodles hah

Anon said:yo what happened to your hand bro?

Therapy with my dermatologist that ends up giving me blisters on one of my fingers! It’s nothing serious, but makes arting sorta hard haha

Anon said:You should draw more kiribaku kids it had me really interested and brought out my happy

Should I 👀👀👀 an ugly word, let’s try with could next time shall we - that said, seems like yall really did like something that for me was a one time thing! I might get back on them in the near future, just because that post seems to have blown up way more than I had anticipated haha

Anon said:ahhhhhhh i absolutely love your art. i've been feeling very irritated lately and your kiribaku / kiribakushima art really helps calm me down.

This makes me super happy to know!!!! Oh my gods!!!!!! I hope life has stopped getting on your nerves in the couple days it took me to answer, anon!!!

Anon said:Headcanon: kirishima plays dream daddy

To be honest I don’t know anything about that game aside from “it’s a dating sim” and “it’s gay”, but either way to me it sounds more like something Kaminari would play hahaha

Anon said:Hey Fran! I recently caught up with the BNHA anime thanks to you (still have to get around to the manga) and I loveeee itt so much (pretty much adopted like 20 kids😂) have a lil question tho, in your AU/bnha comic thingy are Bakugo and Midoriya finally like... "okay" friends? Or is Bakugo still acting like he hates the poor boy? Thanks in advance and also absolutely love your art~😍

WEEEEHHHHYYYYYY I’m glad you decided to check it out, anon!!!!! But, I’m sorry I’m gonna need you to be more specific here since I don’t have any “ongoing” AU for that fandom atm - exactly which comic are you referring to?

Anon said:I've been restraining myself from going on Tumblr to once a month max for like a year or so now because it was exams and then I had a new year (MY LAST YEAR) of high school to worry about, and I know me. When I go on Tumblr, I stay on Tumblr for literally an entire day. Or more. And then I accidentally stumbled upon your stuff today and wasted (thoroughly enjoyed) a day of scrolling through your art and asks. I never knew I shipped bakushima so hard until today. Thank you for your beautiful art.

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’m so happy you decided to use your one day for my blog omfg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so so much for this ask, it made me really super happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:do you know the song that is playing when endeavor is fight the winged nomu? ive tried looking for it but I can't seem to find it. thanks if you know it. its fine if you don't. btw you're amazing

Eeep sorry anon this ask is so old omfg I hope you found your answer somewhere else - also because I’m actually the worst person in the world to ask about soundtracks orz so, like, double sorry o

Anon said:A cute kirikamibaku thought to hopefully help cheer you as you wait for your hand to heal again: the three of them going out to a restaurant and Denki trying to subtly convince the other two to order something he wants to try when he can't decide what he wants to eat. Whenever he succeeds, he ends up eating just as much off their plates as his own.

This has actually been cheering me up for days now so thank you !!!!!!! Also because I’ve been thinking about Bakugou giving in but making it super spicy out of spite and honestly that’s the funniest thing hahahaha

Anon said:MATSUHANA🌸🌸🌸🌸

IT’S INDEED A SHIP THAT EXISTS! A GREAT ONE TOO!!

Anon said:I can't stop thinking abt that one anon that sent you "Batsuki Katsuki" and I'm losing my fuckin mind over it oh my god but anyway hello I love ur art I hope you have a good day ( ˘ ³˘)♥

THANK YOU!!!! I hope you’ll have a great month, anon!!!! *O* and also tbh same I randomly remember it and laugh by myself thank you anon for that gem I’m never getting over it haha

Anon said:I live for your bakukirikami art. I never had an ot3 until these boys, and they're just so so good. Do you think any of them ever gets insecure/jealous about the other two's bond in the relationship? I feel like if anyone would it might be Denki? But I dunno, because the way you portray them I like to think that they all actually just love watching each other be cute and bond and stuff.

Yeah that’s how I see them!  You know how, like... when you’re friends with two people and they’re friends with each other and you look at them being silly together and you’re like boy I’m so glad I have both of you in my life and that I can have you both at the same time and that you can be silly and adorable and happy together too - that’s exactly how I portray the bkk, only it’s romantic instead of platonic haha

Anon said:Your art has inspired me to write some BakuKiri / KiriBaku bless!!!! I'm also writing KiriBakuKami as well, thank you so much for the gorgeous art!

THIS IS THE BEST SORT OF ASK!!! THE BEST!!!!!

Anon said:Hello! It's the anon that asked about posting your art online for the first time. Thank you so much for answering my questions! That means a lot to me. I'll definitely take your advice. You made me feel a lot better about posting my stuff online. I'm gonna go ahead and draw the things that make me happy and,, hopefully I'll find people that like it like me!

AAAAHHHHHH I’m happy I could help!!! And I’m sure you will, anon!!!!! I hope you’ll be able to have a great time in whatever community you decide to be part of *O*

Anon said:I was feeling slightly uck but then I was like "you know what would make you feel better" and I just started scrolling through your blog and HONESTLY you are a blessing I feel a lot better and lighter and looking at your blog is literal self care for me now I love you and I hope you have a fantastic day

Sob thank you so much for this ask ;A; aaahhhhhhhh!!!! I’m so happy I can help you like that and this made me feel great back when I first read it (and also now that I’m rereading it, honestly!!!) so thank you for making my days better too, anon!!!!

[westallen4everlove-blog]

Couple therapy

The first day Caitlin suggested Barry and Iris go to concealing, it was hell.

“Why the hell would we do that?” Barry asked Caitlin. She smiled and sat them down. 

“Well, I know my of my relationships don't work out, or just cant happen, but you guys are special, you need to take some time off and get a little advice” Caitlin looked at iris. 

“So what? you want us to go to a therapist to talk about our sex lives, and how I haven't had it in-”

“Not the point iris” Barry interrupted. Iris rolled her eyes and crossed her arms as she took a deep breath. 

“Fine” she said...

-

“So, whats your names?” The Lady at the desk asked. 

“Iris”

“barry” the two both answered. 

“Are yall from da creek park down by Hobart lane? lots of interracial folks there”

Barry and Iris looked at each other. “ Why the hell would we be from-”

“iris, shh, I am barry, she is Iris and-”

“Don't shh, me, I am iris, nice to meet you”

The two were later lead into a room with some books of sex, love making, and honesty. 

“So, what is the problem in the relation ship, you guys have good chem” The lady said seating them down. 

“ Everything is fine, he is bossy though”

“I am not bossy, I was in charge first!”

“No, that's not fair, we are balanced, and all you-”

“Iris, for goodness sake you have been in charge since we were kids, I just got back from the-”

“Shut the hell u-”

“Don't shh me!”

“You shed me, so wh-”

“Damn it iris”

“Why are you-”

“You talk so frakin slowly”

“because your the-”

“Damn it!”

The two looked at the insturcter before they shut up. “sorry”

“Seems like, you both don't give each other a chance to answer, why don't we see, if there are any other problems...” The lady lead them to a hot room with two towels, and told them to get naked. 

“What the fuck?” Barry whispered to Iris. 

“Shh”

“Oh hell no, I aint going in there”

Iris took a deep breath, should not be to bad..right?

tbc

[itsjayyyy]

January 16, 2019 4:51 pm

So on last thursday after that update, I met up with heather for the first time since October. We met up at starbucks, but neither of us bought a drink. She already knew about my moving out because she saw me posting about it on snapchat. I told her all about how my new roommates don’t really talk to me (or do the dishes, or pay rent on time...) and also how my parents didn’t let me have my own bed (she was really shocked at that, which i didn’t understand like girl ive been homeless because of my parents no shit they won’t let me take a bed they bought themselves). I also told her about the whole rose situation, and ofc anna. I thought it was funny how when i told her about the whole “surgery on a porcupine” she was like “how is that possible? you mean she did surgery on those things that fall off of trees?”

After hanging with her, I went home since I had like 5 hours until my next class. rose kept messaging me like “hey are you ready to meet up?” “i can see you’re home now” etc. I didn’t answer, and honestly i was annoyed that she used my location as a weapon, so i left my phone at home when i went to class. Which was kinda annoying tbh, i felt so disconnected without it. (just got sidetracked, but i think when i get my student refund i’m gonna buy an ipod nano 1st gen, which was the first mp3 player i ever had. prob gonna fill it with the 3 vocaloid cd’s i found). After class i went to get a smoothie, then drove home. rose was waiting outside my door for me to get home, and she started going on about “omg i was so worried you weren’t answering my texts etc” we get into my apartment, and i just kinda unloaded onto her (again). just told her how it’s not even just the whole mom situation, but all of them had piled so much hate onto me since i was a kid that i’m incapable of loving myself, and it only frustrates me when they say “don’t see yourself negatively!” it’s like someone breaking your arm and then saying “just use your hand to grab x” without acknowledging that your arm was broken by them. she starts crying (as she always does tbh), then we go to get sushi. 

friday i only had one class (psychology) so i chilled at home most of the day. can’t really remember what i did lol. oh wait i think i hung out with rose, to make up for not hanging out on thursday. yea we chilled at my apartment for a bit, then went to the west side to scoop up peter and get hooter’s. and then i complained about how i started feeling sick, and then called in saturday. i told myself that i would get ahead on my homework and clean my room, but i spent most of the day chilling. the gray cat that hangs around my apartment walked by my window, so i opened it and pet her. She climbed into my room, and i spent a good 3 hours just playing with her. I texted the owner asking if she was pregnant or not (bc she really looked like she was about to give birth) but he texted back saying it was a boy, and neutered. apparently he’s just super cuddly. 

i called in sunday too, since it’s like i already lost an attendance point and i didn’t feel like going to work. i actually was productive that day, like i did laundry and cleaned my room. still getting the depressive episode out of my system, though, so i wasn’t running at full capacity. 

on monday, i checked anna’s twitter (btw after i soft blocked her i felt that she was still looking at my profile tho, like our tweets would mirror each other in mood a lot), and she tweeted “omg i think my crush is flirting with me” so rip my chances with her. and yea i know it wasn’t about me bc outside of class i heard her talking about how they were talking thru snapchat. :c

i really can’t wait until fall when i get transferred to the downtown campus, though. as i was walking up to msb, i saw someone sitting directly next to the entrance. and you can probably guess who it was. I really thought “new semester, new schedule, no more stalker savon waiting outside my classes” but i guess i was wrong. as i sat in the hall waiting for my class to start, I had a minor anxiety attack that i tried to cover up by talking to my classmates and professor about high school funding. luckily in that conversation, i learned that msb has two side exits, so now i have different paths to take. (honestly this whole time i’ve gone here, i thought the “handicap accessible” sign in front of the side entrance was trying to say that wheelchairs should go down the stairs, but my classmate pointed out that it was supposed to say “handicap accessible, up this path to the right,” not directly forward. I took the side stairs after class and basically ran to the garage in case he was following. At home i still had an assignment for comp, which was “visit a place on campus that you’ve never been to before and draw it in a 4-panel comic” (this class is all about multimodal writing) which, by the way, is really only possible for freshmen. as a spohomore, there isn’t a single place on campus that i haven’t been to. except for that side stairwell. so i drew my experiences taking a new staircase as an exit. let me make this journal entry multimodal by adding my comic:

anyways, that comic was apparently way overdrawn, when all of my classmates did simple stick figures at memory mall. kinda felt like wednesday addams wearing a long black dress at summer camp. it was nice tho, gave me a way to express all of my feelings about the whole thing (since i had nobody to talk to). it was like art therapy.

tuesday we had a quiz at the end of calc. i know hindsight’s 20/20, but seriously how the fuck did i fail this class it’s so damn simple. I finished the quiz in a literal 30 seconds and then sat there because i didn’t want to be the first person to finish. all of my classmates looked really deep in thought too, so i started to wonder if i was maybe not doing it right. but then the professor walked by and saw i wasn’t doing anything, so i was like “is this all that we have to do (setting up an integral but not even solving it)” and he was like yea, ur good. surreal.

then i went home and chilled until my evening class, then after that drove to peter’s bc we were gonna hang. so rose remembered that i was coming over, but peter forgot; while peter remembered they invited paul over, but rose forgot. i know that they’re kinda close with paul and all but tbh i don’t really know him that well, and it feels awkward hanging with him. when i told rose that, she was like “but you guys have hung out together, remember that time you got blackout drunk and slept on his bed, i felt like that was a real bonding moment for yall” um no i actually didn’t remember that, probably because i was BLACKOUT DRUNK. anyways i told all of them about anna (since peter and paul didn’t hear the story), then we smoked a little and played comer. We all won a round except for peter lol. then we watched an episode of marie kondo’s show (i wanted them to see how she lowkey looks like a robot), and then i headed home. i got home at like midnight tho, and since we had a sub today in calc, i figured i could skip it. so today i woke up around 10, got on campus at 2 since i was gonna hang with heather (but her boss didn’t let her have a break since she only worked 5 hours so we’re gonna meet tomorrow instead), went to psychology (and we finished the chapter early so no class friday!!!), and since then i’ve been in the library writing this.

here’s my plan for surviving this semester: i’m gonna act like this is fuckin birdbox, but extreme version. he wants to get a reaction out of me, and he’s not gonna. from now on, any time that i’m outside of a building (and even most times that i’m indoors but not in class) I’m going to have headphones in, and look down at the ground (not like directly at my feet, but like looking forward but at the ground ahead of me) or at my phone. that way if he finds me, he still can’t get a reaction bc i’m visibly distracted in the only two senses that he can reach me through. i don’t think he would go as far as to try to touch me, so i should be safe.

i hate that i feel like i’m always on the defensive at my own damn college. i hate feeling like i can’t even walk around freely without being followed. but hopefully i just need to make it to fall, hopefully ucf doesn’t delay the opening of the downtown campus, hopefully i transfer in a few months and can *really* put this all behind me. then it’s all smooth sailing, just gonna go through my final two years at uni, then graduate, get a job in CPS for a few years, then go back to school for my master’s. from there become a licensed clinical social worker, so that i can maybe work for cps but in a hospital setting where i get paid more, buy a house, have a family. get out of orlando. (but i kinda like orlando...)

anyways it’s 6 o clock now, so in about 15 minutes i’m gonna leave the library, use the guidelines i wrote above, use the side entrance, and get to class.

[turntechheartthrob-blog]

` Oversharing Asks ;

`{ I’m putting these under a read more for several reasons. One, there’s fifty eight of these questions and two some of them are triggering. TW/CW for suicide, self harm, cheating, and mentions of death. Read at your own risk. }

1.       Who hurt you the most?

sigh look i feel like plenty of peeps already know the answer to this but for those of you in the back who aint quite got the memo yet my bro dude wasnt exactly the epitome of perfection or anythin not like anyone is but eh i aint goin into detail dont feel like it

2.       Who have you hurt the most?

this is really hard for me ta answer cause i aint really sure kinda hopin i aint hurt anyone i cared bout but shit happens i make mistakes i aint perfect gods aint perfect either

3.       Who do you miss the most?

yo now this one is pretty fucked up but  really miss the shit out of my bro even though the thoughta bumpin into him really freaks me the hell out im a complicated guy maybe im just hopin we can clear the air

4.       Who do you want out of your life the most?

people who keep trynna hold me an my pals back from settin this new world up like we been fightin for years we lost some an got some gods deserve breaks too ya know an it aint like i always been one just leave us the hell alone  go fuck with another world this ones ours

5.       Who had the biggest positive impact on you?

rose  shes always there ta listen an she aint ever dished out any judgement my way (not anythin that really hurt me anyway shes harsh but shes speakin the truth yknow)

6.       Who had the biggest negative impact on you?

7.       Who do you wish you could be honest with?

my bro but fuck if i aint real frazzled when it comes ta shit with him maybe in the future i can work my shit out an say what needs ta be said 

8.       Who have you harbored (any kind of!) secret feelings towards?

wow would ya look at that hopped my ass back in time again zippity zap aint no response to this question here

9.       Who would the world be better off without?

puppets fuckin puppets man fuck puppets an no not literally fuck outta here with that shit

10.   Who do you wish you’d treated differently?

bro

11.   What was the worst day of your life?

that one birthday reckon it was my eleventh bro an i went up on the roof for a fuckin strife an thats where i got that real bad scar its bout six inches long an it runs down my right shoulder blade shit was so not fuckin cash hurt real bad an i thought i was gonna fuckin bleed ta death

12.   What’s your greatest fear?

losin all my friends an fuckin our chances up in this new world too 

13.   What’s your biggest insecurity?

not bein the hero i really wanna be i reckon like not bein able to save my friends cause i aint strong enough 

14.   What’s your biggest regret?

lemme get back to ya on that one i aint really sure dont wanna dig round an try an find it either might really eat me up if i do hope ya understand 

15.   Describe your ideal world.

aight im kinda livin in it but itd be a shitton more ideal if all my pals were here kinda worried bout most of em aint seen the ones from my timeline an its got me real paranoid did they make it is there somethin im missin did i die an is this a dream yknow shit like that.... 

16.   Describe your personal hell.

17.   What’s a hopeless dream you’re still holding on to?

i unno if its really hopeless since im pretty much already here but all those years ago i was fuckin terrified an convinced wed be fightin until we couldnt fight anymore yknow stuck in a constant loop of battle after battle hopin wed make it to the next mornin or night alive shit was fuckin terrifyin an i was so convinced that i was gonna be stuck livin that life forever along with everyone else an i didnt want that for em i woulda took all the pain for em yknow lived it all alone if it meant they got out an got ta live again 

18.   What’s the most embarrassed you’ve ever been?

iunno honestly i pretty much embarass myself on the daily an yer askin for specifics i aint got a specific moment im particularly embarrassed about

19.   What’s the angriest you’ve ever been?

twelfth birthday when i walked right into the fuckin ultimate smuppet trap was just goin ta the bathroom ta shower an brush my teeth an fuckin bam biggest fuckin trap ever thought my arm was broken for a fuckin week 

20.   What’s the saddest you’ve ever been?

thinkin about all this real depression fuckin shit i gotta answer i dunno dont really like gettin lost in my thoughts cause then i start rememberin an diggin up all kindas extra fuckin depression shit that kills me a lil inside 

21.   What’s the most scared you’ve ever been?

when i was eleven an i got the scar i was so fuckin terrified i was gonna die i mean i fuckin passed out an i had some terrifyin dreams too it was just not a good time an i wouldnt do it over again 

22.   What’s the most hopeless you’ve ever felt?

23.   What’s the most frantic you’ve ever felt?

i dont fuckin know sheesh any questions on this thing that aint gonna make me relive terrible shit  my heads killin me

24.   What’s the bravest you’ve ever felt?

when i was able ta save the world i was scared as shit ima be real with you but damn it felt great an i felt great too

25.   What’s the best case scenario for your future?

gettin ta meet up with all my pals from my timeline findin out they were here all along jus waitin for the right time maybe searchin for the best place ta set their cribs up i dunno 

26.   What’s the worst case scenario for you future?

realizin the game aint over 

27.   What’s the most physical pain you’ve ever felt?

lemme take ya back to my eleventh birthday for the third time hurt a lot more than dyin ta get my god powers i can tell ya that much

28.   What’s the most emotional pain you’ve ever felt?

when i found my bros body  i dunno how ta describe it cause it was just a real fucked up time an  it hurt it hurt a whole fuckin lot cause i wanted ta make up with him an hash out my feelins an i thought id never get a chance

29.   Describe a time you felt like a hypocrite.

nothin is really comin ta mind if i dig round enough somethin might but yeah aint really that important anyway

30.   Describe a time you felt like a traitor.

one particular time john an i was fightin this one massive fuckin imp i had to bolt for half a sec cause my sword fuckin bit the dust came back an john was pretty fuckin beat up felt like shit but we made it out 

31.   Describe a time you felt like a hero.

when we got the new place set up i mean not set up but when we fuckin got here an realized yo this is our world an we did it we got this place together an we can live an exist together all normal like without fightin everyday 

32.   Describe a time you felt inhuman.

when i died an came back with my god tier powers reckon it makes sense died a human an came back a god there ya go

33.   Describe a time you felt like a failure.

durin all the fights an shit with bro did my best but physically knockin me down was never enough for him always had ta mentally knock me down too 

34.   What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?

i dunno man i just dont fuckin know anymore probably fillin this shit out dishin out all this real personal shit feels kinda like a therapy sesh though kinda like im lettin all this shit off my chest so maybe it aint that bad

35.   What are you proudest of?

bein able to finish the game an set this place up with my pals it it was a fuckin dream come true i didnt think itd ever be possible figured wed be stuck fightin shit for the rest of forever wed be together but i just wanted ta not be fightin i wanted ta breathe an live an feel normal again 

36.   What’s your relationship with your family like?

@earthcvantas @schrodingersweabooeffect were pretty tight got each others backs family that chills together its legit dirk promised ta have dinner with me soon

37.   What’s your relationship with religion like?

i aint got one wouldnt really make sense in my opinion im a god do gods worship gods too i unno i dont really feel like thinkin bout it

38.   Talk about someone you’ve lost.

jade i reckon i aint seen her in fuckin centuries she was one of my besties i really miss the fuck outta here i hope shes aight 

39.   Talk about someone who abandoned you.

 40.   Talk about a desire you have that scares you.

makin peace or whatever with my bro really scares the shit outta me if ima be honest 

41.   What’s something you wish you were capable of?

teachin all my pals to fly cause honestly its rad as hell but i mean cant exactly teach em ta be gods

42.   What’s something you’re afraid that you’re capable of?

lettin my family down anyone is capable of this i aint an exception god or not

43.   Describe the kind of life you wish you’d been born into.

mom an a dad i reckon spoiled with video games an legit tech maybe my own lil lab where i could collect an properly organize all my dead shit birthday parties an maybe a pool out back few pets a dog an a cat maybe a snake love repitles theyre pretty legit if ya ask me

44.   Describe your worst heartbreak.

nah id rather not lol thanks for askin check back again never erased all that shit like it aint ever happened here fixin this shit for a reason bruh

45.   Describe your worst disappointment.

fifteenth birthday hah  instead of spendin chill time with my peeps we were still out fightin didnt get a cake or nothin got to risk my life though shit wasnt cash

46.   Have you ever taken a fall for someone?

all the time its my style i reckon im down to take a fall if its for someone i care about when i really care for ya reckon you could say im self sacrificing id take a bullet for someone if they meant enough ta me like @earthcvantas or @schrodingersweabooeffect dont fuck with my family

47.   Have you ever forced or let someone take a fall for you?

i aint the kinda dude that lets people take falls for me but dirk would prob forcefully take a fall for me if ima be honest with yall hes a real protective dude 

48.   Have you ever done serious physical harm to someone?

few peeps that got in my way durin the game  plenty of imps pretty sure ya get the idea

49.   Have you ever done serious emotional harm to someone?

no i aint an i dont plan on it 

50.   Have you ever self-harmed?

.... look i dont get why people wanna get this kinda drop on me but i have yeah aint done it recently or even in the past three years didnt have the time or the strength ta really muster up for somethin like that dont plan on doin it again

51.   Have you ever attempted suicide?

look i really aint comfortable answerin this one i aint tried it considered it once aint puttin the deets out there cause it aint yer business 

52.   Have you ever stolen something?

bag of doritos when i was fifteen bro snagged ramen from my stash an so i retaliated  

53.   Have you ever cheated on someone?

aint been in a relationship so nah an even if i had been in one i wouldnt have so yeah aint my style 

54.   Have you ever been cheated on?

aint been in a relationship before so nah 

55.   Have you ever taken revenge on someone?

smuppets fuckin smuppets got sick of em always bein everywhere so hah one day i fuckin snuck one an flung it out the fuckin window sayofuckinara bitch 

56.   Have you ever seriously considered killing someone?

plenty of people  but only cause they were in the way of me an my friends gettin what we wanted

57.   Have you ever betrayed someone who trusted you?

i fuckin hope not but yknow what i aint allknowing  so i aint got a fuckin clue

58.   Have you ever experienced something supernatural or unexplainable?

aight so buckle the fuck up for this one cause its a wild fuckin ride i unno where the fuck bro was but here i was home alone an misplaced my shades ran into cal an like world jus kinda froze up an it was like i blacked out bro came in all a sudden an handed me my shades an didnt really explain nothin just told me not ta lose em again no fuckin clue what the hell happened there but i never lost my shades again after that