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[htaesan]

　ᅠ 🀦　ᅠ THIRTY DAYS OF LOVE　　────　ᅠ ( kim leehan )

𝓹recis ⠀ : ⠀donghyun’s world shatters when he learns that the love of his life, you, is running out of time. but when the unexpected happens𑁋and you begin pushing him away, he makes a choice he’ll never fail to make over and over again. to love you through all the sunsets, quietly, fiercely and eternally.

　　　ᅠ 김동현 ⠀⠀◜◡◝ ⠀⠀𝒇 reader ⠀wc 12k ⠀ genre angst fluff established relationship non idol au fiancé au ⠀ contains mentions of food blood death terminal sickness drugs (as medicine) crying skinship pet names ⠀ tagging @a-dream-bookmark ,@/k-labels , @k-nets , @k-films , @sgz-net , @onedoornet

　　　ᅠ note ᅠ from ᅠ ��𝐈𝐋𝐈 ! ᅠ this is it guys my debut leehan fic is angst! and since this is my first time doing such a long angst fic i dedicate this to my lovely @miumura <3 i hope this is good enough for you babes! and my biggest thanks to rhin and sru for proofreading this for me ~ mwah ^3^

　　　ᅠ ＞︿ 　　please leave feedbacks 　　& 　　reblog

“SEE you tonight, angel,” Donghyun kisses your hair, pulling you into a hug. He doesn’t let go for a while, comfortable at how you’re perfectly snuggling against his chest. 

Still in his hug, you look up at him. “Why are you still hugging me? You’re going to be late for the meeting,” you say, knowing that his office takes a longer time to reach than yours. 

Donghyun smiles, placing his chin on your head. He pulls you into his embrace tighter, savouring every bit of the moment. “I don’t know, I just want to hug you a little longer.”

“Okay, you can hug me when you come home tonight,” you say, gently pushing him away. It’d be such an outrageous lie if you said you didn’t love your fiancé’s hugs, but you also know that if you didn’t push him out the door, he wouldn’t get to work on time. 

You push Donghyun to the door, then go on the tip of your toes, kissing his cheek. “I’ll see you tonight, dear.”

Donghyun pouts, yet he opens the door. “I’m sorry I can’t come with you for your doctor’s appointment,” he says, pressing his lips together. 

You’re going to work a bit later today, as you have your monthly check-up in the morning. It’s nothing serious, just a habit that you’ve gotten used to since a child—as your parents would always bring you in for a monthly check-up at the clinic. Better safe than sorry, they said. 

Plus, you have been feeling quite distorted lately—swamped with fatigue and sleep disturbances. You thought it’s related to stress, but after talking to Donghyun about it, you’re a bit relieved that you’re getting it checked out, in case of anything serious. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” you say, giving him a smile. You feel a pang in your heart—it’s no lie that you’re a bit nervous, as this is the first time in years that you’d be going to the doctor’s without Donghyun by your side. 

“You’ll be fine?”

You nod, chuckling. “I’ll be fine.”

“Okay then,” Donghyun says, sighing. He adjusts the man bun you’ve helped him tie, before stepping out of the apartment. “I’ll see you tonight—text me!”

You laugh, adoring how cute your handsome fiancé is. “I will, sweetheart. Get to work safely.”

“I will!” you hear him exclaim, waving before he takes a turn down the hallway. You take a deep breath before going back into your apartment to get ready for the day. 

After getting ready, you take a cab over to the clinic, prepping yourself by saying that it’s nothing to be worried about—the fact that you’ve been feeling extra tired and coughing more often are caused by stress and that it’s nothing serious.

The worried look on your doctor’s face and the way that she orders additional scans and tests makes you think otherwise. Though, still, you brave yourself. 

That is until the nurse comes back with your tests, a grim look on her face, and you can’t help but feel extremely scared. 

“I’m sorry, Miss, but it looks like you have advanced lung cancer, and… the prognosis isn’t good.”

The world stops spinning, and everything goes silent. The weight of the world crashes down on you. Everything feels distant, like you’re underwater.

“From my observations, and the tests that we ran for you just now, the cancer looks like it’s beyond treatable. All we can do is give you some medications to help with the pain–”

“How much longer do I have?” you suddenly ask, your voice throaty. Tears begin to collect at the corners of your eyes, and all you can think of is Donghyun. 

Your doctor widens her eyes in surprise, not expecting such a calm reaction. “I… estimate it to be around two months, at best.”

You nod absentmindedly, barely hearing the doctor explaining further help with medication, lifestyle and life expectancy. Your head is spinning, and all you’re able to think about is Donghyun. The happy life the two of you are planning. 

“Would… you like to call someone?” the doctor asks, pulling you back to reality. 

You blink back tears, immediately shaking your head. You force a smile. “No. I’ll be fine.”

You clutch the test results in your hand tightly as you leave the clinic in a daze. You glance at the people around you—some are happily calling or texting someone through their phones, some are enjoying their food with their partners, some are even rushing to work. You watch everyone go with their life, tears in your eyes. Suddenly, all the little things mean so much more to you. 

You glance at the time on your phone—if you catch the train now, you’d be able to reach work and catch up on some pending tasks. You plod through the path, slowly making your way down the subway. When you reach down the stairs, your phone vibrates with messages from none other than your beloved, Kim Donghyun. 

Swallowing thickly, you read the texts from your notifications. 

hi angel! i hope everything’s going well

this meeting is boring

i’d rather bring u to the aquarium for a date ^_^

anyways text me back when u can, ok? 

i love u sm!

Once again, your eyes overfill with tears, causing them to fall down your cheeks. You place a hand on your chest. Your hand forms a fist, crumpling the test results. A part of you is aching to call him and cry your heart out about this new calamity that hit you—yet, another bigger part of you knows that you shouldn’t. 

Donghyun had recently got promoted at his workplace, getting a higher pay raise. He’s also collecting money to open his own fish shop. He’s been talking to you about it for ages, and he even has a pinterest board saved. His dreams are slowly coming true, and you’re not ruining that for him—you know that he’ll instantly drop everything once you break the truth to him. 

You force yourself to look up, swatting your tears away with the edge of your sleeve. You blink back the remaining tears, reaching a resolute decision in your mind. 

Instead of telling Donghyun, you’re going to make him fall out of love with you. 

You smile sadly. 

It’s for the best. You love him too much to want him to give up on his dreams just to take care of you. You love him too dearly to see him heartbroken over your state. You love him so much that you’re willing to die alone. 

You love him, more than you ever could describe, that you’re willing to pull away to prevent him from sacrificing his future for you. 

You switch your phone off, taking a deep breath. As you step into the train, heading for work, you decide that you’re going to give yourself thirty days to accomplish your mission. 

Thirty final days with him, then that’s it.

THAT night, you can’t sleep. The reality that you’re living in seems so real yet so distant, and it keeps you awake. You’re in Donghyun’s arms, staring at the ceiling blankly. The gentle rhythm of his chest heaving up and down, the warmth of his breath against your forehead comforts you—yet it washes you through a wave of realisation—that this will be one of your final nights with him. 

Enjoy it while it lasts.

You snuggle closer to him, blinking to force tears back in. You brave yourself, shifting your gaze upon your fiancé’s face—his peaceful sleeping face that looks so cute and adorable. You’ve cried too much today, yet you can’t stop the tears from dripping down your face again. 

It’s so unfair. You were finally happy–why did it have to be robbed right from you when you were just getting comfortable?

The urge to wake him up and tell him everything is overwhelming, but you clench your fists and swallow the words. You take a deep breath, repeating to yourself the mission that you’re putting yourself to. 

Thirty days to make Donghyun leave me. 

You shift your gaze back towards the ceiling, mentally making a list of what you have to do for the next four weeks. 

DAY 1.

In the morning, you’re up earlier than Donghyun is—that’s usually how it is, but this time, you had to make sure you’re awake before he is, to avoid any slip-ups from you.

You’ve already showered—you’re now in your bathrobes, and done your whole morning routine. You walk over to your shared bed, smiling softly at finding Donghyun still soundly sleeping. You kneel on the bed, forcing yourself to maintain a stoic face as you shake him awake. 

“Good morning, love,” he mumbles, stretching his arms wide before pulling you in for a hug. You bite the bottom of your lip, holding back a smile. Usually, you’d giggle and kiss him good morning, but this time, you don’t. You stay silent, not reciprocating both his greeting and his hug. It pains you, but the pain that’s in your lungs every time you take a deep breath reminds you of the harsh future you’re facing.

After a few minutes, Donghyun notices the change in your behaviour. He opens his eyes, pulling away slightly so he can look you straight in the eye. “Are you okay?”

You press your lips into a thin line. “I’m fine,” you reply, giving him a half-hearted smile. 

Donghyun holds the gaze longer than you wish he did, pursing his lips as he analyses any emotion that you might be displaying on your face. 

Before he could say anything that will definitely make you break character, you push yourself out of his embrace, walking to the vanity. The weight of your lie begins to sink in your chest, marking the beginning of your plan. 

You know that Donghyun, as dense as he can be sometimes (read as most of the time), is quick to pick up on things—especially if it’s about things and people he loves. You notice him lingering around you, standing behind you, longer than he usually does, with a puzzled look on his face as you go through your usual morning routine. 

Except that you don’t pack a lunch for him, pretending that you’re occupied with some other house chore. Except that you don’t smile sweetly, saying that you love him while you give him a kiss on the cheek as the two of you part ways for the day. 

Donghyun notices, and you know that as soon as you receive a text message from him right after you’ve arrived at your office. 

angel

you okay?

did i do smth wrong? i don’t have lunch today :< 

You open the message and give him a simple and dry response: “no”. You grit your teeth, already hating the weight that’s pushing you down every single time you lie to him. 

The rest of the week goes by the same way—you try your absolute best to create distance between you and Donghyun: talking to him in an uninterested tone, not hugging back whenever he does, pretending to not remember to kiss him goodnight and goodmorning, not updating him about your day to let him smile as he listen to you like how it usually is. 

You’ve, too, lost count the amount of times Donghyun has come up to you and asked if you were okay. 

“I’m fine,” you grunt, scooting away. You adjust your posture before forcing yourself to focus on the show you’re watching. It’s not even that interesting, but you need to do everything humanly possible to ignore the handsome ball of fluff sitting next to you, begging you to tell him what’s wrong with those super cute boba eyes of his.

You hear Donghyun quietly sighing before walking away to the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge to find some snacks to offer you. 

“Here,” he says after a while. You glance at him, gulping at the sight of the honey butter chips Donghyun is stretching out to you. 

“I’m not… hungry,” you force yourself to say, in a plain tone.

Donghyun tilts his head. “But you like honey butter chips,” he says, already slightly pouting. 

“Kim Donghyun, I’m not hungry,” you hiss, eyes glued to the television.  

“Okay…” you hear him murmur, shoving the chip that he originally wanted to feed you into his own mouth. From the corner of your eyes, you see Donghyun folding the bottom of the bag so that it can stand by itself, carefully so that the chips won’t spill, before placing it next to you. He then gets up and walks away to the kitchen to cook some food, intending to give you space. 

Actually, Donghyun can’t exactly cook, but he’s just standing there, at the sink, washing some fruits that he wants to cut up for you. The past few days, he’s noticed a very drastic change in your behaviour. You’re no longer smiling at him, you’re no longer talking to him about anything that comes to your mind, you’re no longer reciprocating the hugs and cuddles he’s giving. You’ve brushed off every single attempt he’s made to ask you if anything was wrong, or if he did anything that upset you. 

Donghyun sighs, tying his hair up before beginning to peel some oranges. 

DAY 6.

The next step of your plan begins: picking fights at the most irrelevant things, hoping that Donghyun would lose his patience.

“Can you not hug me like that?” you snark, swatting his hands away from your waist. 

Donghyun widens his eyes, shocked at your sudden outburst. Normally, you wouldn’t ever decline his hugs—preferring to let him snake his arms around you as you get ready for the day, or cooking something up. 

You glare at your fiancé, fiercely dabbing your makeup onto your face. It pains you to see the confused and shocked look on his face, but you have to continue. “It’s so annoying, your breaths are so sticky and it makes my neck feel hot.”

Donghyun puts his arms to his side, taking a deep breath. “Okay, angel, I’m sorry,” he says, his voice gentle. He extends his hand, patting your hair. “I’ll be showering,” he informs you before disappearing to the bathroom. 

You watch him with widened eyes, taken aback by his reply. 

That wasn’t supposed to happen. Donghyun was supposed to be offended by your actions, not be completely calm and okay about it. 

You turn around, eager to find another opportunity to piss him off. 

A few moments after that, you find yourself in the kitchen with Donghyun, who’s watching you prepare breakfast. You glance at him, who’s peacefully trying to sip his morning coffee. 

This is perfect timing.

Ignoring the heavy guilt weighing down on you, you slam the kitchen drawer a little harder than necessary, the sharp sound cutting through the tranquil morning. 

Donghyun’s head shoots up, and his eyes immediately find you. He sets his coffee down, fingers lingering around the mug. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” you mutter, shoving the dirty spoon in your hands into the sink with a loud clatter. 

He frowns, taking one step closer. “You seem upset.”

“I said I’m fine,” you snap, sharply turning around to face Donghyun. Pushing down the remorse you feel upon seeing his expression—a mixture of shock and worry—you continue. “Can’t I be in a bad mood without you questioning me?”

Silence.

You expect him to bite back, finally telling you that you’re being unreasonable. You know Donghyun isn’t the type to be confrontational, but considering the amount of discourtesy you’ve done to him this past week, you even expect him to get angry. 

That would make it easier.

Instead, much to your surprise, Donghyun simply sighs. “Of course you can, my love,” he says softly, eyes not budging away from you. 

You inhale sharply, turning your back to him before he can see the tremble in your hands. 

As the week goes by with a blur of similar attempts, you begin to grow a little frustrated. A part of you just wants to tell Donghyun everything—where it hurts, how sad you feel, how you feel so worthless and in pain all the time. 

Every time you glance at him, you just feel like jumping into his embrace. Every time you see a notification from him, your fingers itch to press call, to release the tension in your shoulders and the heavy guilt in your chest, to whisper the truth to him. I’m sick. I’m dying.

You’re taking the bus back home, Donghyun’s message opened but left unreplied. You stare at the message: “get home safely, my love” with a vision that blurs more and more with tears every time you blink. 

The message bubble pops up again. 

Donghyun’s typing. 

are you okay?

you’re leaving me on read

You shut your eyes, clicking the off button on your phone. You can’t do this right now. If you let yourself answer his texts, your whole plan will crumble along with his future. 

Donghyun doesn’t deserve this. 

You clench your fists, fingernails digging into your palms. You force yourself to stay quiet, to freeze and not do anything. 

A tear escapes down your cheek, and you let it fall. 

It hurts. 

But you don’t know what else to do. 

DAY 13.

“I’m home,” Donghyun calls out as he closes the door behind him. The apartment is quiet, and he can only hear the air purifier working in the background. 

It feels weird. 

He glances at the shoe rack, spotting the pair of shoes that you chose to wear to work today already there. He bites the bottom of his lips, bending down to fix the position of your shoes. Then, quietly, he opens his own and sets them neatly next to yours. 

As he makes his way to the bedroom, a million thoughts race through his head. What did he do wrong? Where did he mess up—for you to be acting so differently? He knows he isn’t the best at confrontational communication, but you’ve shrugged off all of his attempts to try. 

Donghyun walks silently to your shared bedroom, and he sees you bundled up on the bed, soundly sleeping. There’s something about you, so ethereal and beautiful, even when you’re deep in slumber. Donghyun takes quiet steps towards you, coming into a halt when he’s standing right in front of you. 

He exhales heavily, absorbing the view of you. 

Donghyun misses you. 

He misses spending hours giggling with you, talking about all the things that the two of you found interesting in this world. He misses holding you in his arms. He misses kissing you, smothering you in his affection. He misses letting you braid and play with his hair whenever you want to. He misses having you drag him around doing errands—shopping for groceries and household items, occasionally distracted by the cute blind boxes at the cash register. He misses enjoying aquarium dates with you—seeing you look at him with lovesick eyes, even though you have been to the same aquarium so many times. 

He misses you, and he wonders what he’s done wrong for you to obviously avoid him like this. 

Donghyun pauses, wondering if he should do it. He sighs, then leans down to give you a peck on the forehead. It’s gentle, barely there—but it’s enough for him to sustain himself through another week. 

As he straightened his posture, he recalls the events that happened recently. Just this morning, when Donghyun was watching you get ready for the day, you suddenly mentioned Sanghyeok—a man who you used to be interested in, back in high school.

“I wonder what Sanghyeok is doing now,” you said. Your voice is loud—waiting for Donghyun to respond. 

Donghyun buttoned his shirt, staring right at you. He remained silent, not knowing exactly what to expect out of this.

“I bet he looks even more handsome now,” you tried again, emphasizing the ‘handsome’ in your tone. You sneaked a glance at your fiancé through the vanity mirror, disappointed to see him remaining unfazed. 

“Obviously,” he replied after a while. He approached you and grabbed the hair comb next to you. He continued, in a matter-of-factly tone. “Everyone gets more handsome or beautiful as they mature.”

Donghyun smiled quietly as he watched your face morph into an annoyed expression, huffily turning away. 

This must be some kind of way for her to get back at me, he thought. Maybe I should try harder to get her heart back, for whatever reason she pulled away. 

You stir, fingers instinctively reaching for the pillow next to you—bringing Donghyun back into the present. 

Donghyun sighs, massaging his temples. He looks at you, taking in your beauty for a while, before walking away to get unready for the day—already thinking of what to order for dinner. 

DAY 17. 

Tomorrow is the day where you’ll accompany Donghyun to find his wedding suit, and you know he’s been aching to ask you why you’re not excitedly talking to him about it yet. He’s been hovering around you—not quite standing or sitting next to you, but rather, he’s around you—the corner of his mouth twitching as he bites back his words. 

You’ve been quite excited, actually. You’ve been saving a lot of photos, trying to get an idea of what would make your fiancé look flattering on your wedding day. You were dying to talk to him about, endlessly rambling to him about the countless designs out there—but you’re reminded of your condition, the fact that you’re sick and dying, every time you glance at him and imagine him in a wedding suit. 

That’s the only reason that’s keeping you together, holding you back from unleashing your true feelings.

Donghyun found his courage to ask you when the two of you are sitting at the dining table, eating some take-out ramen that he ordered for dinner. 

“About tomorrow…” Donghyun begins, slowly chewing the contents of his mouth. “We’ll be going… right? Together?”

You take a deep breath, putting on your act. You look up from your food, eyes bored. “Do you not want to?”

“No– no, it’s not like that, angel,” Donghyun stammers, almost choking on his food. “I’m just wondering… because you haven’t talked about it all week. You…”

He pauses, and he holds his gaze for a few moments. 

“You usually get excited about these things,” he continues softly.

“About what?” you ask sharply, heart sinking at the way you’re treating him. 

Donghyun shrugs. The look in his eyes is cracking your heart into pieces, but you brave yourself to keep the glare on. “You know, about doing things together. With me.”

“Whatever,” you grumble, breaking the gaze Donghyun is holding. You turn to your food, holding back your tears by aggressively poking holes in your fishcakes. 

“Angel,” he calls, and you hate how you instantly perk up at the nickname. Your eyes slightly widen at how he’s smiling so adorably, his boba eyes sparkling against the reflection of the lamps. “Do you remember? Our first date.”

The memory of one of the happiest days of your life, dated seven years ago, tugs hard against your chest, some kind of heavy feeling going up to your throat. “Yes,” you croak, avoiding his gaze. 

“I still remember how nervous I was, waiting for you in front of your parents’ house with flowers in my hands. It was really awesome—the feeling of waiting for you outside, knowing that I’ll be spending the entire day with you,” Donghyun pauses as he laughs, the corner of his eyes crinkling with happiness. 

You swallow thickly, forcing yourself to stay stoic. 

“I was eighteen—we were eighteen—still young and dumb, but I knew, the moment you stepped out the door looking so beautiful in your light pink dress, that you’re the person I want to be with for the rest of my life.”

You shut your eyes, lowering down your head. As tears begin to collect at the edges of your eyes and Donghyun’s voice begins to blur in the background, you curse yourself and your fate.

Why did it have to be like this?

What did you ever do wrong to be given such a cruel future?

Why did it have to be you?

DAY 21.

You’re sure that you heard the doctor right the last time—that you had around three months to live. But now, with every single day that passes, you feel like your body is physically getting ripped away from you, little by little. Your appetite decreases with every passing day, your energy and mood swings vary by a significant manner. 

Every time you notice this, the more adamant you are in your plan. You have to make Donghyun leave, even if it breaks you in the process. 

You have 9 days left of your plan. 

You’ve been more consistent and put more effort into your scheme, despite Donghyun being calm and still loving through it all. 

You sigh deeply, standing at the sink as you wash out your mug after drinking honey lemon water. You’re coughing very often now, and you often find yourself out of breath yet in pain multiple times. You feel Donghyun’s presence behind you, and it’s feeling heavier than usual. You’re done washing your mug, but you rinse it a couple more times to pretend that everything’s fine. 

As soon as you close the water tap, Donghyun opens his mouth.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” 

His voice is calm—way too calm.

You glance at him, setting your mug down, your body still turned away from him. It’s a bit weird that Donghyun is confronting you now, but given the duration that your plan has been going on, you figure that he’s reached the peak of his patience. 

“I’ve been busy, that’s all.”

A quick moment of silence goes by. Then, “You’re lying.” 

You inhale sharply, momentarily shutting your eyes close. But you don’t turn to face him. 

The sharp sound of a chair scraping against the tiled floor startles you. You quickly turn around and it’s Donghyun, pulling a chair out—but he doesn’t sit. Instead, he rests against it, his hand gripping tightly on its backrest. 

“What is it?” he asks, his voice quieter. “What are you not telling me?”

You avert your gaze, swallowing densely. Say it. Make him hate you once and for all.

“I…” you clear your throat, trying your best to sound indifferent. “I’m done, Donghyun. I don’t think I love you anymore.”

Silence. 

For a moment, you’re hoping—silently praying, even—that he would just walk away. That he would accept your words and take his leave. 

Then, in a voice so quiet it’s almost a whisper, Donghyun says, “say it again.”

You widen your eyes, turning to him. Startled, you blurt out, “what?”

The guilt that’s pushing down your chest doubles even more as Donghyun is staring at you. His jaw clenched, and his eyes dark with something that you’ve never seen in him before���hurt, anger, and utter disbelief. 

“Say it again.”

Your lips part, but you can’t force anything out. 

“You’re lying,” Donghyun says, with no softness in his voice this time. “But let’s pretend you’re not.”

He takes a step forward, and suddenly you’re trapped between him and the kitchen counters. “Say it again, Y/N,” he whispers, almost begging, “look at me this time.”

Shakily, you force yourself with all your might to meet his gaze, tears beginning to form. 

Say it, Y/N. Make him hate you. 

Make him leave.

“I–” your voice cracks.

Donghyun stands in front of you, still like a stone. He doesn’t blink, nor does he say anything. He stands there, waiting, patient like he always is. 

Your hands begin to tremble at your side, and with one deep breath, you let it out before you can’t anymore. 

“I don’t love you anymore,” you whisper, forcing your shaky gaze to connect to Donghyun. The fact that it’s a lie pains you ten times more than it should have—you exhale, biting your lips to cover how terribly you’re trembling. 

Donghyun exhales deeply. For a moment, you think he’s about to laugh. But instead, he looks away, shaking his head. 

“Okay, fine,” he nods, his voice too steady. “Then tell me, why are you still wearing the ring?”

Your blood turns to ice. 

“If you don’t love me anymore,” Donghyun repeats, and one by one, his words sting your heart. “Tell me why you’re still wearing the ring.”

Your hand flies to the hand with the engagement ring, trying to hide it, but you’re too slow. He’s already seen it. 

Donghyun laughs, short and humourless. “You can’t even take it off, can you?”

Feeling harshly attacked, you look away. 

Donghyun runs a hand over his face, slowly sighing. “I don’t know what’s going on,” he says, his voice lower now, and it’s clear that he’s exhausted. “But if what you’re doing is to protect me from whatever, it’s not working.”

His words cause a pang to your heart. 

“It’s not like that—” You grit your teeth, starting to internally panic. “You don’t understand–”

“Then make me understand!” 

Your breath hitches. 

Donghyun didn’t yell—not really—but for a man who never raises his voice, and would try his best to solve things calmly without conflict— his outburst might as well be a scream. 

The rawness in his voice makes your heart ache even more. 

But the sharp pain in your lungs reminds you of everything—you can’t let him in. 

You turn quickly, to hide the sudden stream of tears flowing down your cheeks. “There’s nothing to understand,” you quietly say, biting your quivering lips. 

A long silence, accompanied by palpable tension, stretches between the two of you. 

When Donghyun finally speaks, his voice is quieter than before. “Okay.”

You force your eyes shut, biting back sobs as you hear him walk away, the sound of the door closing echoing in the apartment. 

And when the sound of his footsteps disappeared, you let yourself sink to the floor in heavy sobs, your body trembling like crazy. 

THE next few days go by like usual—Donghyun acts like nothing happened—but the only difference is you can clearly see the hurt in his eyes. He’s still loving: he brings back home your favourite food, opens the door for you, and makes sure you’re always comfortable. 

You’re still trying your best to carry out your plan.

“Stop, Donghyun,” you say, albeit your voice is shaky. Donghyun, who’s silently peeling out shrimp skin from its flesh for you, pauses. He looks up—though he doesn’t say anything.

“We’re too different. You shouldn’t be with me.”

Donghyun takes a deep breath, and a few seconds later, he replies. “What’s so different about us, angel?”

Angel. 

The nickname stings like lemon juice on a fresh paper cut. 

“I…” you force a laugh, but it cracks at the edges. “Isn’t it obvious? We’re too different, Donghyun. We have always been—you like quiet nights in, I like going out,” 

Lie. You never really minded the difference: you and Donghyun completed each other like you’re each other’s missing piece.

“You like stability, but I’m too restless for you. We… we’re just too different,” you gesture vaguely, trying not to let Donghyun hear the tremble in your voice. “Maybe we just… got carried away with the idea of us.”

Donghyun puts aside the shrimp he’s deskinning, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the table. His voice maddeningly tranquil, he says, “you don’t mean that.”

Your throat burns with the trace of your words. 

He’s making this hard. Too hard than what it’s supposed to be. 

“I do,” you lie. 

Donghyun closes his mouth, studying you with an unreadable expression on his face. Then he exhales slowly. “I’m not going anywhere, Y/N.”

Your breath catches.

“No–” 

“You can push me all you want, as hard as you want,” Donghyun continues, his voice softer than before, “but I’m staying, Y/N. I’m not going anywhere.”

The walls you carefully constructed around your heart begin to crack and crumble. Desperation claws frantically against your chest. 

Why can’t he just let go?

You repeatedly shake your head, turning away, blinking rapidly as your vision begins to blur with tears. “You should,” you whisper, though it’s more to yourself. “You really should.”

Donghyun stays silent for quite some time, before leaning forward to gently caress your hair. You pull away, knowing that he isn’t leaving. Not now. Not ever. 

DAY 27. 

Donghyun stirs, blinking rapidly as the surroundings become clearer to him. He stretches his arms, tensing as he comes into contact with your sleeping figure. He sits up, and shifts his gaze towards you, your form accentuated by the dim glow of the bedside lamp. 

There’s something wrong. 

Donghyun knows—he just doesn’t exactly get what it is. 

You’ve been so off—too distant—this past month, and knowing you for almost a decade, Donghyun realises that whatever is causing your behaviour change is serious. 

He knows that it’s either him or something else.

But what did he do?

Donghyun quietly jumps off the bed, tiptoeing out of the room to get some water to drink. His mind is clouded with worry for you these days, he can barely sleep at night—with no one to share his warmth with, no one to talk to until one of you snoozes off, no one to braid his hair until one of you falls asleep. 

He walks to the kitchen, his attempt at being quiet largely failing due to him yelping after stubbing his toes into the dining table. He switches a few of the lights on, still quiet, then he walks over to the kitchen to grab himself some water. 

Everything was ordinary, except a few things laid out messily on the kitchen island.

Packets of medicine he’s never seen before, and a thin stack of papers scattered around the top of the island. 

Curious, Donghyun peeks at the words printed on the label of the plastic packets, bringing the glass of water he’s holding to his lips. 

Y/N L/N. 

Aspirin. 

Antidepressants. 

Anti-seizure. 

Steroids. 

Morphine tablets.

His heart begins to beat loudly against his chest, blood rushing to his head. He quickly turns to the stack of papers, after checking through the packets of medicine. 

Y/N L/N. Lung Cancer. Stage 4 (Severe).

Donghyun freezes, and the glass cup he’s holding slips through his fingers without notice. 

His mind swirls with a million different emotions—he’s confused, in shock and fear, as well as a touch of deep betrayal. 

His eyes read through the words on the papers again. A storm of emotions rain on him—he can’t believe it. It can’t be. 

All of the memories he shared with you—both happy and sad—replays in his mind. From the moment he first laid his eyes on you, donkey years ago; your numerous dates together, hours spent with love and giggles; him proposing to you, and moving in together—planning and envisioning your life together. Then, a sudden flood of memories flush through, replaying the moments and  conversations from the past month where you tried to push him away.

Now, everything clicks together in the right place. 

Now, Donghyun understands why. 

You were trying to make him leave for the future he deserved, for a better future without the burden of loving someone who was dying.

Donghyun feels his shoulders trembling ever so slightly, his vision beginning to blur with tears. He notices the broken glass cup on the floor, but his head is spinning too fast for him to comprehend it all. 

Donghyun feels his heart pounding in his chest, creating a heavy rhythm that drowned out everything else around him. You’d tried to push him away—tried to make him fall out of love with you, to untangle him from a future with you, all in an anguished attempt to protect him from the unavoidable pain that is now coming for them. Donghyun feels like him not seeing this coming should have relieved him in some twisted way.

However, the reality coming from the document in front of him hits like a tidal wave. Anger begins to flare within him—he’s mad at you for trying to shield him from this, irritated for the way you drown him in doubt, distance, and wondering whether he was truly losing you even before he knew the reason behind it all, for the past month. 

Yet, the anger and hurt begins to wash away as his eyes, still blurred from his tears that couldn’t yet fall, lands on a framed picture of the two of you on the wall. 

You were glowing—the sparkle of the starry night sky glittering in your eyes, a loving smile on your face. Next to you was Donghyun, kissing the top of your hair, his heart swelling with love and gratitude. 

It was the night of his proposal. The night you said yes. 

Yes to a future together. Yes to loving each other through all the highs and lows.

A tear drops down Donghyun’s face, tracing the curve of his features in a silent surrender. 

He understands. 

How could he not? 

Somehow, he knows that fear must have gotten the best of you, driving you to make such a selfish decision. He knows that you’re terrified—terrified to watch him suffer, to drag him into a future filled with nothing but grief and pain that no one should ever have to endure. 

Donghyun knows that you’re trying to protect him—making the hardest decision to leave him with the hollow ache of your absence, hoping that he’d move on long before you had to physically leave this world. 

His chest tightens with the realisation and the weight of his beloved’s sacrifice. 

Donghyun glances, again, at the document stating your diagnosis on the kitchen counter. 

It’s hard to come to terms with this new reality, shoved to his face like a rejection he doesn’t even have time to process. 

It’s hard, but Donghyun’s love is undeniable. He feels it burning through the tangles of hurt, confusion and anger in his heart, leaving him with one overwhelming truth: he won’t leave. Not now. Not ever. 

The vision of you smiling brightly appears in front of his eyes, the melody of your laughter ringing in his ears. 

His heart begins to beat in a steady manner, and he’s never felt as sure before—the only other time being the moment, after taking you out for the first time, that he’s sure of a future with you. 

I’m not going anywhere. I choose you, Y/N.

I’ll always choose you. 

I choose us, even in this.

A wave of urgency suddenly washes through him—and it’s almost a frantic need to reassure you. Donghyun clutches his chest. He can’t let you believe, even for a second longer, that you’ll watch him walk away, leaving you to face this battle alone. He’s not going to abandon you—not when you need him the most. 

The slightest, faintest shiver moves through him, betraying the calm he’s trying to maintain for so long. No sound escapes his lips, just a quiet sob. 

And so, as the reality of his fiancée’s diagnosis begins to settle into the deepest marrows of his bones, he realises that the future that the two of you had once planned is no longer a guarantee. It’s fragile now, but a future with you is still one. The future still belongs to you and Donghyun, hand in hand. And he would fight to hold on to it, even if it meant facing the darkness together.

DAY 28. 

“Y/N, I’m home,” Donghyun calls out, mentally preparing himself for another ‘mood swing’ of yours. However, when he swings the door to your shared apartment open, he finds himself in shock at the way it’s dark. 

Panic begins to kick in. Donghyun looks around—your shoes are here, your coat is hanging, still damp from the year’s first snow. 

“Angel?” Donghyun calls again, the tremble in his voice beginning to rise. 

He kicks his shoes off and scrambles to every corner of the house, trying to find you. He looks for you in every nook and cranny—sharply turning when he spots light coming from the bottom of the bathroom door. He rushes there, but comes into a halt when he hears a sob. 

You press your forehead against the bathroom mirror, your hot breath creating a cloud of fog on its surface. Gripping the edge of the sink as tight as you possibly could, you try to push in the panic that’s resurfacing, after keeping on a facade for the entire day. 

At first, it was just a tiny tremor, a quiver barely noticeable in your chest as you try to keep your breathing calm amidst all the physical pain. Your eyes are glassy and distant, staring at nothing in particular. The tears are heavy, clinging to your eyelashes, refusing to fall. But with every blink, with every pained heave, a new wave erupts through you, and the tears threaten to fall. You press your lips tightly together, your fingers tightening their grip on the edge of the sink, trying to fiercely silence the sobs that will likely escape, but the quiet, desperate hitch in your breath betrays you.

The tears flow down your cheeks like a river carving its way through thick solid rock, free, warm and unwelcome. You press your forehead harder against the stinging cold mirror, as though you’re trying to push the tears back in. Your throat tightens, a soft sob jerking at the bottom of your chest. You bite the bottom of your lip so hard it might rip apart, your entire body stiffening in an attempt to halt a flood that’s quickly becoming too impossible to stop.

But it slips out of you anyway—a quiet, pained sob that escaped before you could even stop it, followed by another, and another, and then a louder, desperate gasp for air. Your shoulders begin to rise up and down in an effort to stifle the sound, but each aching breath makes it harder. Your chest begins to heave, your hands trembling against the freezing surface of the sink, unable to stop the heavy storm of tears raining from your eyes. 

Your attempts to remain composed are long gone now, swallowed up by the weight of it all. And though you still tried to suppress it, your anguish cries fills the apartment with a rawness that she can’t deny, can’t conceal, no matter how hard you fight it.

“Angel?”

No.

You shake your head, tears mercilessly streaming down your cheeks. 

I need to stop crying. 

You harshly wipe the tears on your cheeks with the back of your hand, exhaling shakily. 

A soft knock comes from the door. 

“Y/N?”

You close your eyes shut. Not now. Please. 

You hear the doorknob turn, and tears begin to well up again. 

“I’m coming in.”

Before you could turn and stop in, Donghyun is already inside the bathroom, standing in front of you. His eyes immediately find you, locking to the sight of your tear-streaked face and trembling hands. 

His expression softens. “Hey,” he says, “talk to me.”

You shake your head. “Donghyun, please,” you say, your voice croaky. “Just go.”

Donghyun steps closer, determination masking the hurt in his eyes. His warmth begins to blanket around you. 

“No.”

You suck in a sharp breath, wincing at the pain. “You have to.”

“Why?” 

Donghyun frowns, his hand already halfway there, his first instinct is to hold you as soon as he sees you in pain. 

You turn to face him, the walls of your plan that you’ve constructed crumbling down the moment your eyes meet his. For the first time, you let him see it all—the overwhelming pain. The fear. The exhaustion. The unbearable weight of what’s to come. 

“Y/N–” he says, his own voice cracking. 

“No,” you whisper, shaking your head slowly. You want to give up. You want to run into his arms. You want to tell him everything. You want to cry your heart out to someone you love so dearly with your heart, someone who you know will never judge you for anything at all.

But a part of you still refuses to force upon him a painful future. 

“You deserve someone who has a future.”

“Love, what are you talking about–?”

“I’m dying, Donghyun,” you exclaim, choking on your tears. You can’t hold it in any longer, the truth slipping out without realisation. “I’m dying.”

Your words hang in the air, heavy and sharp like shattered glass. 

Donghyun stands there, not saying anything.

For a long time, neither of you moves. Neither of you says anything. Just holding each other’s gaze, a storm of emotions swirling behind each of your eyes. 

Then, quietly, Donghyun reaches out, pulling you into his embrace. You could feel his body trembling as he hugs you tight, his touch gentle, but at the same time, it feels desperate. It’s like you’d disappear if he let go. 

He pulls away slightly after, cupping your face tenderly. “You’re not in this alone,” he says, his voice steady, contrasting the evident quiver of his hands. 

Again, tears slip down your cheeks. “You should hate me.”

Your mind flips through the book of everything that you’ve done to him this month. It broke your heart, over and over again, doing each and every detail of your plan, but you know that it broke your fiancé even more. 

“I love you,” Donghyun murmurs. “And I’m staying. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Your shoulders tremble as your hands find their grip on Donghyun’s arms, burying your face in his chest. His arms immediately find their way around you, pulling you closer. His heartbeat steady against yours, you let yourself cry in his arms for the first since the diagnosis. 

DAY 30.

You spent the entire day, after confessing the partial truth to Donghyun, sleeping and resting. You feel so fatigued, not even having the mood to text your boss that you’d be taking an off day. You opened your eyes only to shut your alarm off, and woke up around midday, finding out that your lovely fiancé emailed your boss for you, applying for two days off. He took two days off, too, claiming that he wants to spend all his hours with you. 

It’s the next day, and you wake up to Donghyun scrolling through something in his laptop, a serious frown on his face. It’s still partially dark in the apartment, the only source of light being your bedside lamp and Donghyun’s laptop. 

“Donghyun,” you say, immediately clearing your throat after that, feeling dry. 

Donghyun perks up, turning to you. He smiles, softly pressing his lips against your forehead. He adjusts the position of his bluelight glasses on his nose. “Good morning, angel. Why are you up so early? It’s only 6 in the morning.”

You glare at him. “Why are you up so early?”

Donghyun giggles, and it makes your stomach erupt in butterflies despite you trying to maintain the glare on your face. He puts an arm around your shoulder, letting you scoot closer to him, resting your head on his chest. 

“Look, I’ve been researching… and I think we should move to the countryside. I saw a really good house in Boseong-gun,” he says, and his words drop like a bomb. 

Your eyes bulge almost immediately. “What? Kim Donghyun,” you gasp. “What are you thinking? Where do we get the money?”

Donghyun continues, his eyes to the screen. “I’m thinking of selling this apartment,” he says with a serious expression, telling you that he’s not joking at all. 

Your heart almost jumps out of your chest. You gasp, hitting his arm. “Kim Donghyun! What the hell—what were you thinking? Why?”

Donghyun purses his lips. “I… think it’s for the best. You need fresh air—you need something way better than,” he gestures with his hands, “all this city garbage. It’s quiet there, and I think we’ll both like it.”

You’re too shocked to reply. You adjust your position to be sitting properly, locking eyes with your fiancé. He looks at you, his gaze strong and unwavering, and that is enough for you to know that he’s already made up his mind. He’s not playing around. 

“I don’t know,” you sigh. “Is it okay, though? You work here, and Boseong-gun is almost four hours away.”

“I have my resignation letter ready to be sent in,” Donghyun replies like it’s the easiest thing in the world for him. 

You look away, not knowing what to say. His suggestion hangs in the air, and you’re swamped in confusion and disbelief. It seems too sudden and out of place—like a happy ending Donghyun is trying to harshly paint over your doomed future. 

The silence between you and Donghyun stretches long and thick as you process the weight of the words he just uttered. 

Four hours. 

Four hours away from everything you’ve known—the life you’ve built together with Donghyun, for so many years, in the city.

You throw your gaze out the window, the colourful glistening of the city lights suddenly seeming so wistful. The sweeping view of the city skyline reminds you of the dreams you’ve conceived together, the shared moments of heartfelt laughter and quiet mornings—it was once a symbol of your guaranteed future, happy and secure with Donghyun, of success, ambition and togetherness. 

The thought of suddenly leaving all this behind makes your stomach turn. 

You turn back to him, and the look on his face is hopeful, almost eager. You feel like moving to the countryside is like an escape—a way to try and shield yourself from your illness and the misfortune that comes with it. You hope you could run away from it, you wish you could outrun it—but the entire idea feels like a paradox that’s laughing at your face: a desperate, unwise attempt to outrun your cruel fate. 

Life in the countryside sounds ideally peaceful, but would you even find peace there?

You widen your eyes, realising. 

You wait for him to say something following that, but he stays silent, waiting for your reply. 

Does he know?

The words hang in the air, slowly settling down between the two of you. 

You bite the bottom of your lips to hide the slight tremble in them. 

You want to fight back. Want to push him away again, knowing that he’s undeserving of such short-lived happiness just to be with you. 

But you’re exhausted, and you know Donghyun won’t take no for an answer, no matter how gentle he’d be with it.

“Okay,” you nod, and the look of silent gratitude on Donghyun’s face tells you the truth. 

He probably knows. 

EVERYTHING felt like a blur, and it’s comfortingly quick. Donghyun made sure to arrange everything well, and fortunately, nothing went wrong. The two of you had around two weeks to pack all of your things, say goodbye to family and friends, and send in your resignation letters to your respective workplaces. On the last day the two of you were in Seoul, Donghyun had brought you around to all your favourite places in the city—the cat cafe you frequented whenever you had the chance, the Seoul Forest, the river, and parks that you and Donghyun often went on picnics at. 

You laughed a lot—reminiscing on the memories made at each place. You’re with Donghyun now, just like you were in the memories you cherish, but the two of you have grown along with your feelings. Your love for each other has grown bigger and bigger each day, and you’d do anything for Donghyun. 

“I’m sorry you didn’t get to see the cherry blossoms,” Donghyun says, his voice soft. You buckle your seatbelt, perking an eyebrow at him. 

“What are you talking about?”

Donghyun starts the car, sighing. “You love seeing the cherry blossoms at Seokchon Lake,” he says. “But you won’t be able to see them this year…”

The reality that you’re moving away from the city you’ve known as your home for the longest time hits you. The reality that you’re never coming back in the future hits you, too. 

Nevertheless, you smile. 

“It’s okay,” you reply, surprised by your own positivity. “Maybe we’ll get to see the ones at our new place? They must be beautiful.”

Donghyun kisses your temples, smiling softly. 

“Let’s go?”

You look at him for a while before nodding, feeling a rush of goosebumps as you’re turning to a new leaf in your life. 

The days at your new house, overlooking a beautiful meadow of green tea fields and an orchard, are more delightful than you thought it’d be. You spent your first few days decorating your newly bought house. Despite feeling a little out of place, the change of scenery and air makes you feel weirdly healthier and happier. 

You decide that you’re going to be painting the house to your liking. You brought up the idea to Donghyun two days ago, and he had happily agreed—bringing you to the town’s paintshop to hunt for some paint that you’d like. 

Today, you decide that you’re going to be painting your shared bedroom walls with a personal touch—a baby blue base shade filled with little paintings of stars, flowers, and significant objects from memories you shared with Donghyun, capturing details in cute colours. 

Donghyun helps you with everything and anything that he can help with. After bringing up the set of paintbrushes you ask for, he quietly reaches for a paint brush for himself and starts painting, even though it’s quite evident that he’s not too good at it. 

Being the ever silent observer, Donghyun didn’t tell you that he was going to help painting, and you too don’t notice him until you turn around and see him painting what you think might be a gummy bear. Though, you’re not too sure if it’s a gummy bear or a group of red blobs that kind of look like mushy tomatoes. 

“Donghyun,” you say, already snorting. “What’s that supposed to be, sweetheart?”

He turns, seriously explaining his work of art to you. “It’s a gummy bear! Remember the first time we sat together at lunch, during our sophomore year of high school? You looked like you were about to cry from that Biology test, so I gave you one–” he pauses, narrowing his eyes as laughter begins to crack your demeanor. “Why are you laughing?”

“It looks like tomatoes,” you giggle, and Donghyun’s eyes widen. 

“It’s not!” he huffs. “It’s clearly a gummy bear, Y/N–look, here’s the ears.”

You just can’t stop giggling—he’s too cute and his ‘paintings’ are too hilarious for you to hold yourself back, despite the stinging pain in your lungs. 

Swiftly, Donghyun dabs a streak of baby blue paint across your nose. 

“What the–hey!”

“Oops.”

You look around, immediately retaliating by smearing a yellow streak of paint across his cheek, and soon, the two of you are deep in laughter, tickling and smearing paint on each other, covered in messy colours. 

For a moment, you’re not thinking of the looming future.

For a moment, you’re laughing to your heart’s content, happy in Donghyun’s presence. 

ONE night, Donghyun suddenly suggests that the two of you should have supper on the rooftop while watching the stars. Winter is about to reach its peak, and you know how cold it’d be—but you know you can’t resist spending time with your beloved fiancé. 

“I’ll be right back,” he says to you after handing you a basket filled with midnight snacks, running back into the house. 

Donghyun then reappears, carrying a few thick blankets and pillows. After setting everything up, he pulls you into his arms, and you’re immediately bundled up in the warmth of your coat, the blankets, and your fiancé’s embrace. 

He wraps you in his arms as the two of you lie together underneath the breathtaking night sky.

“It’s really pretty here!” you say, smiling excitedly. “You can see the stars even more clearly compared to the city.”

“Yeah,” Donghyun nods, his breath tickling warmly against your skin. 

You smile fondly, your heart blossoming with the most pleasant feelings as you gaze at the vast sky, a canvas filled with shimmering stars, each with their own story. And the two of you are sharing a moment, quiet with no rush—just the two of you, enjoying snacks and each other’s presence. 

The quiet hum of the world fades around the two of you, and it’s just you and Donghyun and the occasional crunch of a snack.

Your eyes lay upon the sparkling constellations, quietly recalling some of their names that you still remembered from high school.

“Remember when we used to talk about space?” you murmur, shifting to make yourself more comfortable in Donghyun’s arms. 

“Is this when we were both obsessed with stars, back when we learnt about them in high school?” Donghyun chuckles. 

You nod. 

“You really wanted to become an astronaut, to see the stars more clearly,” he recalls. 

“Yeah,” you say, suddenly feeling a little sad. “Guess that didn’t work out.”

“Hey, you can still go,” Donghyun kisses the top of your head. He points to the sky. “Just not in the way you imagined.”

You nudge him. “That’s depressing.”

“What? We’ll all die one day—”

You smack his chest. “Shut up, Donghyun.”

He chuckles, and then, the two of you fall into a comfortable silence, going back to watching the stars twinkle. 

“You know… I think I’m okay with all this,” you whisper, grabbing his hand. Donghyun interlaces your fingers together, his thumb caressing the back of your hand gently. “If the rest of my life is spent like this… with you.”

Donghyun squeezes your hand. “Me too, angel.”

YOU’RE sitting in the living room, sipping on hot chocolate by the window. You gulp, feeling odd. You’re sick, you know that, but it feels weird to feel your body getting progressively weaker and weaker with every passing day. After swallowing all the needed medication, you felt too tired to be doing anything around the house. You asked Donghyun for a hot chocolate, feeling a little weird as a simple task like making yourself a hot chocolate feels so draining now. And then, here you are, watching the snow fall onto earth outside your window. 

Suddenly, you feel like playing in the snow. The cold snow stinging against your skin, making your ears and nose red feels strangely comforting. You take a final sip of your drink before walking towards the coat rack, sliding your arms into a thick winter coat. Albeit slow, you still push yourself to make your way to the coat rack, even though you’re moving more slowly than you used to.

Donghyun, who is in the kitchen trying to figure out how to cook chicken soup, sees you wearing your winter boots. His eyes widen, and he leaves his station, immediately rushing to you. 

“Where are you going, love?” he asks, hands gently holding your arms. 

You bring your hair out of your coat. “Outside?” 

“You’ll get sick,” he says, pouting. 

You give him a mischievous smile, already reaching for the door. “Too late for that.”

Donghyun lets go of you, though he’s walking behind you, following your steps. He watches as you amble out to the front lawn of your house, looking so in awe of the snow. You unknowingly smile, loving the feeling of snowflakes decorating your hair. You slowly crouch down, and as your hands touch the fresh snow, you feel like you’re not doomed to death in the near future. It’s like a refreshing break, and you don’t have to think about your future. 

It’s just you, Donghyun, and the things you love. 

Busy rolling mini snowballs to make miniature snowmen, you feel a scarf wrapped around your neck. You look up, and see Donghyun softly smiling at you, snowflakes adoring his dark brown hair. He hands you a pair of knitted gloves. 

“Aren’t you cold?” he asks.

You glance at your fingers, numbly red. “Kind of. But this feels good.”

Donghyun shakes his head, the smile on his face betraying his disapproval. He grabs your hand and gently puts the gloves on. “There, much better.”

You laugh at the way he’s so stubborn sometimes, and it’s the happiest sound Donghyun has ever heard. His eyes widen slightly, and his throat suddenly feels dry.

He crouches next to you, pulling you close to him. He turns to the army of mini snowmen you made, chuckling. “They are so cute.”

You simply giggle, already making another one. Donghyun turns his head to look at you, the snowflakes falling gently around you, each one landing on your hair, your lashes dusted with white. As he’s watching you hum happily to yourself, shaping the snow in your hands, he’s completely captivated by the way snow settles around you. The wind has a gentle bite to it, making your nose red against the cold. But you seem unfazed, eyes sparkling as you place another ball of snow on the snowman’s body. 

Donghyun smiles. 

You’re so beautiful, even when the world is blanketed in white, even when it’s so freezing cold outside. 

I’m the luckiest person in the world. 

YOU grunt, hating how getting out of bed feels so hard to do now. You’ve slept for almost twelve hours, but you can’t seem to get enough rest. Your breaths are evidently more shallow and laboured now, but you try your best everyday—pulling yourself out of bed to see Donghyun. 

God knows when it’ll be the last time you see him. 

It’s already noon, and you’re walking downstairs, in Donghyun’s hoodie, groggy and ridiculously out of energy. You find Donghyun in the kitchen, looking somehow stressed that half his pancakes are burnt. 

“Good morning, sweetheart,” you say, throwing your arms around Donghyun’s waist, burying your face into his back. 

You feel his tense posture relax slightly. “Good morning, love. Are you hungry?”

“A bit..” you answer. “But I don’t feel like eating.”

“You should eat,” Donghyun says, turning around as he swiftly presses a kiss to your forehead. “Do you want pancakes?”

You press your lips into a thin line, contemplating. Your appetite has decreased significantly, and heartbreakingly, you don’t find yourself enjoying the foods you used to love as much anymore. 

You shake your head. You don’t think you can swallow pancakes down anymore. 

Donghyun tilts his head. He hums. “Do you wanna cook something together? Maybe mac-and-cheese?”

You nod. 

“That sounds good,” you say, albeit feeling like your appetite might decline like all the other meals that you’ve tried before. 

The two of you then begin to cook—Donghyun insists on being the one mostly doing all the technical stuff, letting you instruct him around. He’s not too great with the kitchen, and with the better cook in your relationship supervising, disaster still strikes. 

“Did you just put the sugar instead of salt?” you ask, horrified. 

Donghyun gasps, stammering. “Oh my god. I did.”

He stares, not blinking, at the mac-and-cheese simmering on the stove, its taste completely ruined. You stare at him. Then the two of you burst into laughter. 

“I think we should stick to you being the chef,” Donghyun says, wiping his eyes.

“Agreed,” you laugh. 

The two of you end up redoing the entire recipe again, this time with more care which causes you to eat lunch in the late afternoon, but neither of you mind. 

YOU find yourself slowly stepping down the stairs, loving the smell of coffee going around, accompanied by the chirp of birds outside. You make your way into the kitchen, trying you best to steady your breath. You watch as Donghyun hums softly as he puts together a bowl of greek yogurt and berries, completely at ease. 

You take a mental picture—this moment, this warmth, this love.  

“Good morning, my love,” Donghyun smiles at you when he finally notices you staring at him from the dining table. “What’s up?”

You shake your head with a smile. “Nothing. Just… I love you, Donghyun. I… thank you for everything.”

Donghyun walks over to you and sets down the mugs of coffee he’s holding, pressing a kiss to your nose. “I love you too, angel, so much.”

And for a little while, everything feels normal.

BUT it’s not. Nothing is normal. 

Donghyun noticed everything. The way your laughter lingers around for much longer each time it escapes you. The way you’re speaking less, like it costs you so much pain to be voicing your thoughts out. The way your every movement is much slower, more deliberate, and he can clearly see the toll that each action is taking on you. The way that your face gets paler every passing day, the way that your eyes are sometimes empty and distant, reflecting the battle you’re going through inside. The way that there’s an almost palpable sadness in your gaze—no matter how hard you try to mask it—as if you’re mourning everything that’s being taken away from you, but you’re trying to still hold to whatever’s left of your energy to make the best of things and people you love, for a final conversation, a last connection.

At first, Donghyun tries his best to convince himself that it’s nothing. That you’re going to heal. That you’re going to make it, that you’re going to grow old with him.

But deep down, he knows.

He notices the way your voice, once steady and confident, now weakens. He knows that, in every moment you’re awake and aware, you might be sharing a few words and smiles, but it’s evident that you’re slipping away, little by little. 

The space around you becomes quieter without your giggles, you’re less active and you get more tired easily, resting longer than usual. 

Donghyun is in agony, but he knows whatever pain he’s feeling is so small compared to yours. It’s a painful, gradual process that he knows will leave him feeling helpless, watching someone he so deeply cares about wither in ways he can’t control.

After a day of gardening and giggling together in your orchard, Donghyun notices you faltering more rapidly than normal. The two of you are eating dinner together, when suddenly, your breath hitches sharply. You cough—once, twice. Then, it doesn’t stop. 

Donghyun immediately gets off his chair and rushes to your side, rubbing comforting circles on your back. But then, he sees it. Blood. On your lips. On your sleeve.

Your smile disappears. 

“Y/N–” Donghyun tries to say, but his voice comes out in a whisper, cracked and vulnerable. 

“I’m fine,” you say too quickly, wiping at your mouth like it’s nothing. Like you’re not falling apart right in front of him, right in his arms. 

But Donghyun catches the immediate fear in your eyes. 

The next day, it happens again. After an evening of cosy stargazing and laying in each other’s embrace, you get up too quickly, and the next thing Donghyun knows—you’re on the ground. 

For a second, Donghyun freezes. 

“Y/N?”

You blink up at him, dazed. Then, you offer him a weak laugh. “I’m okay, I’m fine. Just… got dizzy.”

But when he helps you up, he can’t help but notice how your weight is heavier than before. And he feels it—just how fragile you’ve become. 

He grips you tighter as he leads you to the bedroom. 

Later that night, Donghyun can’t fall asleep. Instead, he quietly sits down, his hand still intertwined with yours. He watches you sleep, the reality of your future sinking harshly into him. 

The warmth of the happy memories he’s made with you, from the first time he knew you, still lingers, but there’s something else now—a quiet, suffocating dread. 

You’re slipping away. 

And no matter how many memories he’s going to make with you, it won’t change the inevitable. It won’t change anything. 

For the first time since this started—Donghyun feels something rise up his throat. Anger. 

At fate, at the universe. At you, for thinking that you could hide this from him. 

He clenches his jaw, tears threatening to fall. 

How could he ever let you go?

DAY 62.

The next morning, when the sun is just about to peek from the horizon, Donghyun is woken up by the sound of you gasping in pain. He immediately is awake, shocked to find you coughing out blood and panting for breath. 

He jumps off the bed, frantically trying to switch on the bedside lamp to see you better. You’re gasping for breath, each inhale weaker than the last. Donghyun kneels beside the bed, his trembling hands gripping yours tightly. 

“S-stay with me,” he pleads, his voice shaking. “Just a little longer.”

Your lips tremble into a small smile. You shake your head slowly. “I’m… sorry… sweetheart.”

“No, you can. You always could,” his hands tighten around yours, as if he’s trying to physically hold your soul down. As if he can physically keep you here by sheer will alone. “Just hold on, Y/N. Please. I’ll-I’ll go get your medicine, I’ll get the doctor—just stay. Hold on for me.”

You reach up, brushing your trembling fingers against his cheek. “Donghyun…” 

He leans into your touch, his eyes burning with unshed tears. 

“I—” you swallow painfully. It’s time to admit it all. “I thought… I could make you hate me. I tried.”

His lips part, a dry, humourless laugh escaping. “I know.”

“I didn’t want you to suffer.”

“I don’t care,” he whispers fiercely as tears begin to force their way down his cheeks. “I love you. And I will always choose you, over and over again.”

Your eyes begin to glisten, and your hand falls back to your side. “You’re always stubborn.”

“And you were always reckless,” he murmurs, his voice breaking. 

You exhale softly, letting your body relax into the pillow. “Donghyun?”

“Yeah?” his voice cracks, his face wet with tears. 

“Don’t… forget me.”

A choked sob escapes Donghyun and he presses his forehead against yours. Salty tears fall from his eyes, dripping onto your face.  “Never, angel, never.”

“I love you, Donghyun,” you whisper with all your might.

“I love you too, my love,” Donghyun whispers back, pressing a very soft kiss onto your nose. 

You smile, letting out one last, slow breath.

And then, silence. 

Donghyun stays there, holding onto you as if letting go would mean accepting the truth.

A few days after your funeral, Donghyun forces himself to get out of bed. You wouldn’t want him to live on with such sadness, he knew. He began distracting himself by doing everything he could, cleaning up the house while trying to preserve anything and everything that you left behind. 

He leaves the couch you loved to lounge on as it is; the mugs and extra pair of utensils you used kept neatly in the pantry; your clothes aptly folded away in your part of the closet. He made sure to keep all of your pictures framed and hung on any empty space the walls held. He made sure your favourite flowers are always in abundance, both in the house’s vases and the garden. 

In the drawer of your vanity, Donghyun finds a letter—one that you wrote with him during your ‘letter to future self’ session, a few weeks back. 

He slowly sits down on the edge of the bed, hands trembling as he unfolds the letter open. 

“Dear Donghyun, my love, my one and only, my fiancé.

If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. And if you’re crying, I swear I’ll haunt you (lovingly, of course).

I don’t want you to be sad forever. I don’t want you to stop smiling. You have such a beautiful smile, and it would be a waste if the world never saw it again.

Live, Donghyun. Live enough for the both of us. 

You’re strong, sweetheart. Keep on living, keep on smiling. Be happy, dear. 

And if you ever miss me too much… just look up. I’ll be there. I’ll be the star that shines the most for you.”

A wretched sob escapes his chest, and Donghyun begins to cry. 

He misses you. Too much. 

Tears begin to flood his vision as he holds the letter to his chest. 

DAY 3715. 

It’s been 10 years. 

And you’re still here—fresh in Donghyun’s mind. 

The evening air is crisp as Donghyun makes his way up the familiar hill. The grass beneath his feet sways gently, kissed by the soft autumn breeze. In his hands, he carries a small bouquet of white lilies and baby breaths—your favourite flowers. 

He kneels by the gravestone, running his fingers over the engraved letters of your name. 

“Hey, Y/N,” his voice is soft, almost hesitant, like he’s afraid to disturb the peaceful silence around you. “I’m here, angel.”

He places the flowers down carefully and settles himself next to you, stretching his legs out. Before him, the sun begins to dip below the horizon, leaving behind a painting that covers the sky in hues of gold, pink and violet. 

“The sunset is beautiful, my love, just like you,” he murmurs.

The wind answers in a gentle hush. 

Donghyun puts his head down to let out a quiet chuckle. “It’s been ten years, and I still find myself talking to you like this. You’d probably laugh at me, huh?”

Donghyun crosses his arms, leaning to your gravestone, gazing at the sky. It was the kind of sunset that you loved the most—one where the colours blended seamlessly into each other, radiating a soft and comforting energy, gently like a touch of a lover’s embrace. 

“I hope the sunset is just as beautiful where you are.”

The breeze picks up, rustling through the golden trees, carrying with it the scent of browning autumn leaves. A single petal from the bouquet of lilies lifts into the air, swirling before settling gently on the ground in front of Donghyun. 

Donghyun exhales shakily. He lowers his head, his fingers caressing the cool stone. 

“I hope I meet you again soon, angel,” he whispers. 

The world around him feels still. And for a moment—delicate and fleeting—it almost feels as if someone was there, standing beside him, fingers against his own. 

Then, the wind sighs, and the feeling disappears with the sun. 

THE countryside house, cosy and just enough, was just as it had been when you first moved in with Donghyun. The wooden walls hold stories in their creaks, and the windows frame the endless beautiful sky, one that you loved so much no matter what the occasion was. Donghyun stands in the garden, tending to the garden filled with your favourite flowers. They had grown very well over the years, thriving in the soil that you had once tended with Donghyun. 

He straightens his posture, brushing the dirt from his hands. Lifting his head, he watches the sky shift from afternoon blue to the warm, comforting glow of evening.

“The sunset is beautiful again today,” he says, as if you’re still there, standing next to him. 

The wind begins to stir, carrying the scent of flowers through the air. Donghyun closes his eyes, feeling it wrap around him.

And for the first time in a very long time, he smiles. 

“I’ll see you again, Y/N.”

― © htaesan, 2025.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀want more like this? check out the 𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄

[prettyboypistol]

The Juice is Loose || Keatlejuice x M!Reader PART 2

Part 1- First Meeting

After Beetlejuice explained everything to you, it seemed pretty simple. This maniac wanted to terrorize humanity, but he couldn’t. The only solution? To get a mortal to say his name 3 times in a row, then he’d be corporeal enough to do whatever he wanted. You looked Beetlejuice up and down skeptically, but shrugged. He was a ghost, and what the hell did you know about ghosts, anyway?

“Okay so like, just the name three times and you’ll get out of my hair, right?” You asked as the hangover headache finally waned enough for you to comprehend speech without dying. 

“For the most part.” Beetlejuice nodded as he snapped and brought a newly-appeared cigarette to his mouth. “Hey, think about it, toots. You’d have the ghost with the most at your services because he owes you one.”

“How would I-”

“Say my name again, pretty simple.” He cut you off with a puff. The smoke seemed tinted a bluish-green, probably some ghastly tobacco. You had to admit, you were curious on how it tasted compared to the regular cigarettes you smoked. 

So, you got off your couch, walked to Beetlejuice, and stole the cigarette right from out of his mouth- only asking if he cared to share after you put the stick in your mouth. Beetlejuice stood there in awe that you would be so bold. Maybe it was confidence, maybe you just stopped caring about- JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE HELL WAS IN YOUR LUNGS?!

You shoved the cigarette back to Beetlejuice and coughed harder than you’ve ever coughed in your life. You were sure there were specks of blood that splattered on the hardwood living room floor from just how violently you hacked up the smoke.

“What the hell-” You managed to ask as you doubled over onto your hands and knees to continue ejecting the vile mess that was inside you. 

“Sorry, should I have warned you?” Beetlejuice asked sarcastically with a brief chuckle. “You got balls, spitfire, but these ain’t for breathers. I’m surprised you survived after the drag you took.”

When the urge to cough finally stopped, you gasped for air and swallowed against your dry mouth. That was gonna put you off your smokes for at least a week. As you stood up again, you couldn’t help but give Beetlejuice a glare that he didn’t really deserve. After all, you were the one who wanted to assert dominance over him by stealing his cig. That was strictly on you. 

The ghost put his hands up in mock surrender with a knowing smirk. “Still got your soul, breather?”

“Uh- probably?... Why.” you were immediately suspicious.

“These ain’t ordinary cancer sticks, babes. They suck the soul outta you- or suck where your soul should be, anyways. Gives a great buzz.”

“I’d bitch at you for not warning me, but I kinda asked for that.”

Anyway, as you eventually recovered from the soul-sucking, you just kind of… realized. You didn’t really care what Beetlejuice did if he was released, as long as it didn’t affect you. And if he did decide to piss you off, you could easily summon him and use your favor to make it better. It’s not like you went out of the house regularly anyway. You worked from home as a novella ghostwriter. 

“Fine, you know what? Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice-”

Beetlejuice’s eyes popped out of their sockets in shock. With a quick pop back in, he seemed genuinely overjoyed. He rocked from heel to toe on his feet excitedly as he listened to you say those sweet words.

“Beetlejuice. Now don’t-”

A flash of lightning appeared outside, ringing your eardrums as Beetlejuice cackled in glee. He rose up through the air and flexed his fingers, which were laced in pure power as he was released from his curse. With a fake exhilarating breath in, he stepped back down onto your floor and touched his mouth as he mouthed his own name. Then, he said it aloud, just as a whisper.

“Beetlejuice! Whooo! The Juice is loose!” Beetlejuice celebrated as he pulled you in close. You cringed at being so close to someone so… grimey, but there was no wriggling out of it now as Beetlejuice laid a grateful kiss right on your mouth before he released you and thundered away.

What… the fuck did you just unleash on the world?

Oh well, that was someone else’s problem.

Until it very much so wasn't.

[base0h]

Hi hi!

Alright, so I'm here to ask you politely for Noya and Tendou hcs/scenarios (whatever u want rlly) abt how they would react to their s/o moving to cuddle them closer in their sleep

Hehe

+ the s/o has a tight FUCKING GRIP and the boys literally can't break out from it in the mornin

Could add if Noya and Tendou do it too if ya wanna

Hope it's not much detail, rlly sorry if it is :[

Take care <3

a/n - error your requests are always the highlight of my days 💜💜😭

Warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, s/o is taller than nishinoya 💀

- Nishinoya really wants to be the big spoon, but uh- you’re taller and it’s kind of weird that only about 2/3 of your body is being hugged 😭

- soooo you’re the big spoon most of the time, and trust me, it’s just better this way 💜

- it’s morning, and you woke up nuzzling into his fluffy hair

- You didn’t know what shampoo he used but damn you needed whatever it was because his hair was silky soft

- Your arms were wrapped around him, cuddling him gently before you started to give him a hug.

- my poor guy woke up unable to breathe 💀 he was a bit confused as to why he was struggling to take a deep breath, and why he couldn’t move a muscle…

- “Y/n-?? I can’t- I can’t move babe.” -nishinoya

- …

- “hello-????”

- “bAbe. Can’t- can’t breathe!!!”

- he was trying his best not to hurt your arm as he tried to get your attention and wake you up. You were like half awake when this was happening so when you finally woke up, you managed to let go.

- “Oh morning noya :)”

- mans over here wheezing and coughing like he has stage four lung cancer, give him a little bit lmao.

- “Don’t “morning” me- you almost squeezed me to death! I’m not a stuffed animal!!”

- “well- you’re the size of one. >:)”

- “EXCUSE ME?!”

- he tried picking you up but since you’re so tall??

-Didn’t go so well

- It’s not that he wasn’t strong enough, it’s just that his arms weren’t big enough to hold your legs, and your back at the same time

- Sulked about it for around an hour with Tanaka laughing at him the next day

- you can’t physically squeeze this noodly man to death lmao. He will literally slide out of your grip

- Sooo he’s the one that squeezes you to death 😭 you’re peacefully sleeping, and all the sudden, you have to pee so fucking bad

- right when you start to get up, he will literally pull you back and squeeze your stomach, making you almost punch him in the face

- “Tendou I need to pee. So fucking bad please let go of me.” -you

- “I’m ok. You can suffer tho :)” -tendou

- “LET GO PLEASE.”

- you tried squirming but tendou was too tired to let you go

- and also he needed cuddles right that second

- What could he say? His needs were very important 💀

- he finally let you go, and he found it absolutely HILARIOUS how fast you ran to the bathroom

- “BAUAUSHUDHDUSHEUDHIDHDIDJF YOU RAN LIKE A FUCKING CHEETAH KDBISBSUDHIFBFFJ”

- “SHUT UP! YOURE THE ONE WHO NEEDS CUDDLES EVERY SECOND!”

- “you’re the one who always needs to pee right when I need cuddles 🙄”

- this “argument” went on for hours but it ended with you two cuddling 😂

- also with all this yelling poor ushijima in the room next to yours was struggling to fall asleep

a/n - I totally did not spend an hour figuring out how to format their banners for this

[suiciderape]

totaltrash

we must discuss this gay ass shit bitch! the leader of the neptune planet she rejects? ew! still been the ghetto i see ew! shes upset obviously its the same person too so go home! potter! rejected nuns and fight for party infringement rights ok so? where are we? ur new house ew! hahaha i love my new house my phone sucks! no :( ok its good... even being here... wiggly what! i get it now i have a wiggly dick? no babe my phone lol im sorry who is this? kim deal ew! ur ghetto i love kim deal me too ok so who is this? desarae hollins ew ur baddie smells good! ew! ew! ew! rejected princess pretty pussy 6 is back do it again rejected princess prett6 pussy is back again no! ew! omg stop!! omg shes gonna see what tumblr did to us! omg no she doesnt care lol mhm :) scary gangsta? are u chris angel insider? no im not! oh lol well who is us? im us! omg! what does that mean? no more couple shopping trips to the local ghetto mall!! yay! what else? get a macbook pro today? or tomorrow? today! lol ur a baddie with a dick launcher! huh! oh uh huh! *gs* uh oh uh huh huh! *gs* 808s heartbreak *gs* lady macbeth lady macbeth lady macbeth oh! huh! *gun shot* gun shot! ah! ah! asian! oh asain! asian! ah!! asian oh!! asian lol its 808s heartbreak oh bob hehe mhm :) macdonalds angel? insider *gs* oh!! asian oh my god its asia oh!! *gs* mhm :) lol ur not even asian anyway daamn baby they died of lung disease cancers get bent! ew! yay! omg shes an angel! lol mhm :) macdonalds oh bob hehe waait!

yoon keeho

daddy that was mad awkward for the non asians! i know bitch daamn ok so where did we leave off? private school suicide pss ok so it didnt work? no it didnt why is that? u grounded me from making things look cute ok! so its not uppercapping? hell nah bitch u always right lmao ok so its ok to look bad? whaat the fuck bitch we were at get bent ok so go back to school ok no i didnt see it get away 5 dead dead! dead dead dead! dead! dead dead dead! dont boy 1234 donut boy dead! dead! dead dead! dead dead dead dead! see thats ok we like ur games did the bubble pop lava & knives no it didnt daddy ok! so go homee ok mhm :)

scary gangsta

omg bitch! shes in my house! omg noo where at? someone just said desarae! ew! omg ok so thats not u? hell nah bitch i got into the secret side of pintrest finally im ecstatic i really was ok! so go home! potter! weasely nah nigga but thats disgusting how did she know that this was ur house? im assuming u sold it? no i didnt! ita scary gangsta! ew ok! mt st helens bitch that was the wrong scary gangsta! omg who was it? the bad one that tried to fuck ur life up we got into his mental ward and locked him up for life! how did he see my account? he didnt! we let him see our phone not yours! right? yes! no hes been following u around all day as ur daddy yoon keeho hell nah bitch she is right! it waa our phone not hers! ok does she get it? hes never even met her! wait i didnt say we could move on! who is this? desarae hollins! u mean choi paranoid? yes! ok so go home! potter! ew! hey wait! omg her account is badaaa lets see some japanase architecture! ok! lol ur stupid it was the real scary gangsta the whole time! lol whaat? omg get bent

mt st helens

is this how u feel rn? well it wasnt until i saw the photograph stupid! does that mean u were there? no it doesnt daddy ew! lol ur stupid hahaha i know dudee ok so why is it all watery looking? the photograph? yes ok well did it go back into ur skin? ew! fuck u bitch no it did not ok hold on 808 heartbreak <3

suicide boys

sorry mt st helens brb? no!! lol tell her to stop texting my brother lol she is not texting him and he keeps blocking her twitter what year is it? 1921 what year is she in? 2023 omg what the fuck bitch! who is that? me apparently lol what the fuck bitch! ok

1989s suicide boys mission health goth

ew! lol suck a fuck bitch go home no homo training! did he call u back bitch? yes he did bitch! and he speaks chinese now! what the fuck bitch suck a fuck bitch nah she sent me more 808s heartbreak ew! fuck u bitch! lol ok sorry i love u ily 2! hey! whats ur bfs name? chris angel insider i thought it was electrumsol me tew bith! daamn ew! hahaha ew! hahaha ew! hahaha god daamn it thats what u meant? yes omg can lesarafim be the group at school with me? in south korea? where else? japan where else? thats it for now! ok australia! ew fine l8r byee go home and take this shit to sleep he loves u so fucking much! omg were in! can we stay the night now? whaat? of course bitch i love u always have always will! lol omg ur so much fun! lol u weirdo send tweet send tweet send tweet hollow tip - hoo ride attack

[jupiter-reimagined]

Stone, gagging as soon as he comes back from the gym: Are you trying to give me second-hand smoke? One can still get lung cancer from second-hand smoke, go outside before you give me and Charlie lung cancer.

This is what Stone gets for crushing on a man who smokes.

stone is in a perpetual cycle of crushing on smokers. sorry babes </3

i dont even know why half of them smoke. *i* dont smoke so, why do my half-ocs-half-sonas do???

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

𝑺𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝑫𝒐𝒘𝒏 (𝑲𝒂𝒏𝒈 𝒀𝒆𝒐𝒔𝒂𝒏𝒈) 𝑹𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅

Pairing: BFF! Kang Yeosang (Ateez)/ BFF! Reader (Female)

Genre: Smut, Slight Angst, Fluff, Non Idol! AU.

Synopsis: Yeosang decides to show and prove to his best friend that slow and sensual sex is superior to rough fucking.

Word Count: Around 3-4K

Warnings: Mentions of smoking/drinking, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, nipple play, semi-drunk sex, sex taping (with consent), sweet vanilla sex with music/ led lights in the background, protective sex that transitions to unprotected (always do safe sex), creampie, best friend/ non-romantic relationship (?)

━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━═━━═━═━

"Room for one more?"

Turning her head in the direction of the deep, husky voice next to her, Y/N shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't really care. Not my place anyhow."

She lifted the almost finished cigarette to her lips. Taking a small puff of it, she blew out the smoke with then turned back to the dark brown male that had now taken a seat next to her on the porch.

"Want the last one?" She held up her cancer stick for him to take.

"No thanks." He shook his head.

Y/N scoffed at that. "What? Not hard enough for someone like you?"

Throwing the tiny butt onto the ground, she didn't care at all to put it out. Rolling his eyes, Yeosang extended his leg to finish the task of making sure she didn't set anything on fire.

"Sucker." Y/N repeated what she'd often call him.

"Dumbass." He counteracted her attack with his own nickname for her.

"Why are you even out here? Wouldn't you rather be inside and join in on the fun?" She asked him.

Picking up a nearby stick, Yeosang began drawing random shapes on the ground below him.

"What do you classify as fun? I mean, besides destroying your lungs and aging faster."

"Haha, you're so fucking hilarious." Y/N replied sarcastically.

"As if you're any better Yeo. I'm surprised you're not stumbling back to your shitty apartment with either Hwa or Joong helping your wasted ass."

"Need I remind you that you practically live in my so called 'shitty' apartment cause your roommate can't stand you at the dorms." He snorted at her.

"It's not that she can stand me! I can't stand her bringing her douche boyfriend in the middle of the night or at odd hours of the day just so they can fuck each other's brains out!" She exclaimed in frustration.

Smirking at her, Yeosang couldn't help himself as he said:

"Maybe you should get your brain fucked out once in a while. Might help you be a little less bitchy."

Y/N scoffed.

"I'm not bitchy and I certainly don't need it."

"Your face says you do. Like seriously Y/N, when was the last time you got a good fuck? Let me guess. Probably 8 months ago when you let Youngbin pound you behind the bleachers?" He laughed at her.

"Ok! You know what?! Fuck you Yeosang! I can't believe you brought that up!"

Standing up, she began to storm away from him, away from the party and decided to just go to the nearest bus stop so she could go hide under her bed and pretend she didn't exist. Crossing her arms over her chest, she shivered slightly when a slight breeze blew against her. But still she continued walking, not paying attention to the voice calling out for her from behind. She had gotten a block away from where she was when she heard the sound of something scraping against the pavement behind her.

"You're hard to find." Yeosang came up next to her, his feet firmly planted on the skateboard under him.

"And you're hard to get rid of." She threw a passive aggressive smile in his direction.

"Listen..." Shifting the board to the left, he blocked her from walking any further.

"I'm sorry ok? I didn't mean to upset you." He apologized.

"You didn't really upset me.....I just hate bringing that jerk up again."

Yeosang chuckled at her pouty expression. Getting off the skateboard, he kicked down on one of the sides, making it fly up so he could catch it with his hand and tuck it under his elbow.

"Come on. Wanna hang out at my place tonight?" He offered.

"Still got leftover booze from last time?" She asked in anticipation.

"Now who's the alcoholic here snip?"

═━═━═━═━═━══━═━═━═━═━═

It was well past 11 and Y/N had already downed more than half the bottle of the hard liquor. She lifted the glass up again to her lips when she was stopped by her friend beside her.

"Easy tiger. I think you've had more than enough."

Taking the bottle away from her, he wiped the top off before taking a quick gulp before setting it down somewhere next to him.

"I'm not even drunk yet.." Y/N mumbled out.

"Certainly not, but you're definitely not sober. So I'd say you're just a tad bit tipsy."

Y/N shoved him with her shoulder when he tried to lean his head on her.

"No. Go away. I'm still mad at you." She barked at him, clicking her tongue in annoyance.

"So I take it I'm sleeping on the couch again?" Yeosang raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well I certainly aren't. Shit's uncomfortable af."

Standing up, she threw her crop sweater over her head and tossed it somewhere in the room, her black shorts soon following after. Yeosang barely batted an eyelash at his friend's actions, so used to her walking around half naked around his place.

Slumping down on the bed, she reached into Yeosang's dresser and opened the drawer, knowing she'd find his stash of tootsie pops in it. Picking out a cherry flavored one, she unwrapped it and popped it in her mouth, discarding the wrapper on the waste bin a few feet away from her. Turning on her back, she hummed softly before taking the lollipop out of her mouth momentarily to pat on the empty space next to her and say:

"Sangie, come here. I wanna cuddle."

Yeosang grumbled at her words.

"Whatever happened to me sleeping on the couch?"

"Never said you should. Now come on." She repeated at him.

Yeosang sighed in disbelief, seriously questioning why he even put up with his friend for so long. Removing his plaid pullover hoodie and black skinny jeans, leaving him in just a plain white T-shirt and his black briefs, he slid down next to Y/N and wrapped one of his arms around her waist.

"Happy now?" He inquired of her.

Y/N shifted a little so that they ended up in a more comfortable spooning position.

"Yeah I guess." She murmered softly.

Yeosang began to draw circles across her hip, occasionally pulling the side of her black panty and making it snap against her skin, making Y/N swat his hand away whenever he did.

"Can I have some?" Yeosang gestured to the candy in her mouth.

Pulling it out with a loud 'popping' noise, Y/N held it out for him to take. Putting it in his mouth, Yeosang sucked in it briefly then took a small bite out of it before handing it back to her.

"Heathen." Y/N derided him when she saw the mutilated lollipop.

"Puss." He snickered at her.

They laid there in silence for a few minutes, the only sound coming from them was the occasional sighs or hums that would elude from their mouths. Getting tired and bored of the painful lack of noise, Yeosang reached for his phone and connected it to his bluetooth speakers. Scrolling through his playlist, he smiled smugly as he found the one song he had been listening a lot to lately and did not hesitate to start playing it. Y/N jolted a little when the blaring of trumpets resonated through the room.

"Jesus fucking christ, why must it start in such an unholy manner?" She complained as she shifted a little in Yeosang's embrace.

Yeosang couldn't help but laugh softly.

"And you know that's not the unholy part about it."

Y/N couldn't help but smile at the sincerity of his words and especially not when the first verses started.

~Tell me what it is you wanna know

Finish up the bottle then we'll go, babe~

"Speaking of which, we didn't finish our bottle."

Y/N made a move to get up, but Yeosang pulled her back down, this time making her lay on top of him.

"Kang Yeosang!" She grunted at him, eyebrows furrowing at him.

"Snippy pants." He winked at her then placed a kiss to her nose.

His hands began to travel down the curve of her lower back, momentarily resting on her ass, his fingers digging into her soft skin.

~I'm too phased, it's too late

But coming down is all I ever do, babe, yeah~

"Pervert." Y/N accused him when he slapped her ass lightly.

"You weren't complaining when Youngbin-"

Y/N silenced him with a kiss to his lips, her tongue running across his upper lip. Yeosang tried to capture her tongue with his teeth, but she pulled back before he got the chance, making him whine softly.

"Mention that atrocity one more time and I will blow up your dick." She threatened him.

Yeosang couldn't help but poke fun at her.

"I wouldn't necessarily say no. I've heard your blowjob stories."

Y/N smacked his chest.

"What?! You think guys don't talk about it around me? They don't hold back just because we're close." He ruffled her hair.

"What about you? How come I never hear any stories from you? Is our little Sangie an actual saint?" She jeered at him.

Yeosang smiled softly, his hands pulling on Y/N's bra strap.

"First of all, let me assure you I'm not little.."

Lifting his hips up slightly, he grinded against her so she could feel his semi hard on. Y/N widened her eyes momentarily, her subconscious wishing he'd repeat the action one more time.

"And I'm not a saint. I'm just not as promiscuous as the other guys, that are into rough fucking all the girls in our class." He explained as he moved Y/N's strap so it fell off her shoulder.

Y/N couldn't help but look at him incredulous.

"Seriously? Getting fucked like a pornstar is one of the best feelings ever. Best kind of sex there is."

"I beg to differ babygirl. I find it to be completely overrated." He mused softly before placing a kiss to her exposed shoulder.

~And I'm so down if you're ready

I'm floating but I'm heavy

And I'll show you if you let me, girl~

"So what? You mean to tell me vanilla sex is better?" She rolled her eyes.

Yeosang couldn't help the mischievous smile that formed on his sculpture like face.

"It's not just better.....it's superior."

Yeosang's hand grabbed the remote next to his lamp, which he promptly turned off. Clicking on the first button, the room instantly illuminated a dark red from the LED lights that Yeosang had installed when he first moved into the apartment.

"Want me to show you?"

Y/N hadn't even responded but Yeosang was already unclasping her bra. His hands caressed her exposed back as he patiently waited for her answer. Feeling brave, Y/N sat up to let the garment fall off her body and onto the floor. She looked back to see Yeosang's reaction. He bit his lip, his hands gripping the sheets beneath him in an effort to contain himself from touching her before she gave her consent.

Y/N leaned down, her hand cupping his chin.

"Show me then."

Closing the distance between them, she kissed him tenderly. Yeosang hummed into the kiss, his fingers tucking a side of her hair behind her ear.

~I don't know if you already know how

But girl, I got the feeling that you know now~

Yeosang's tongue pressed against her bottom lip, making Y/N chuckle, but nonetheless granted him access to her mouth. Holding the sides of her neck, Yeosang swirled his tongue inside her, before pulling her own into his mouth to gently suck on it.

"Hehet....you smell like alcohol." He said in between their makeup session.

"Shut up and kiss me you dork."

She pulled him back in and deepened their kiss, her mouth hungrily and sloppily kissing his, her lips trailing across his chin and jaw at times.

"Fuck. How desperate are you?" Yeosang asked.

"A whole lot, now can you fucking stop being the ass you are and get on with it?" She pleaded with him.

In a flash, Yeosang flipped her onto her back. Burying his face in her neck, he placed open mouth kisses across it until he found exactly what he was looking for when Y/N's breath hitched.

"Found you."

Yeosang began to suck onto the sensitive patch of skin he had discovered. Y/N tilted her head to give him better access, which he took complete advantage of. Yeosang only pulled away after making sure there'd be a crimson red mark for anyone to see the following days. Satisfied with his work, he moved further south and began to kiss down her sternum, his hands going from her hips to her waist.

His lips went from kissing in between the valley of her breasts, to gliding over and taking one of her perky nipples into his mouth. His other hand made sure that its twin wasn't left unattended as he pinched and played with it delicately between his long and slender fingers. Without realizing it, Y/N arched her back, making Yeosang smile against her skin.

"You're definitely enjoying this." He teased her, biting faintly on her tiny bud.

"Sh-shut up..." She mumbled.

"And I haven't even gotten to the fun part."

Yeosang dragged his mouth painfully slow down her stomach, placing open mouth kisses on several parts of her skin. Once, he reached her belly button, he couldn't help but feel a little playful. Pressing his face down, he blew against her skin, causing her to squeak and giggle at the vibrations.

"Sangie!" She gushed at him and his awfully cute action.

"Sorry." He apologized but the sparkle in his eyes indicated he was anything but.

When he realized he was in between her legs, only a piece of fabric separating him from her most intimate place, he looked back up at her, mentally asking her if she still wanted to continue. Maybe it was the partially drunk part of her brain or maybe it was the sober part, either way, Y/N nudged Yeosang with her knee, urging him to do something.

Getting the hint, Yeosang grabbed the sides of her panties and began to rid her of them. Y/N lifted herself up so the process was easier for him, and even parted her legs for him, her neediness wanting him to just do as he pleased.

Yeosang inhaled and exhaled sharply as he stared down at his best friend's glistening and almost dripping core, the astonishment and lust in his stare quite unmistakable. His hands wrapped themselves on the back of her knees, his body leaning closer to get a better look at her.

"Well?" Y/N chuckled when he stayed dumb for a while.

Smiling an ironically pure smile, Yeosang didn't take his gaze off from between her legs as he responded:

"It's pretty.......so fucking pretty."

Turning his head, he kissed her right knee tenderly, dragging his lips around it. Eventually, he began kissing up her inner thighs, both of them, leaving no spot unattended. Y/N began to breath more rapidly as she watched him earnestly inch closer and closer to her lips.

"Oh-oh..."

Y/N gasped when Yeosang dragged the tip of his nose up her slit, making sure to press down on her clit.

"Fuck! You smell absolutely delicious babe."

Releasing her knees, he brought his fingers up so they could spread her folds apart so he could glide his wet muscle up and taste a bit of her. Yeosang couldn't get enough of her taste, as shown by his relentless effort in licking and sucking at her clit. One of his fingers began prodding at her entrance, swirling around and finally sinking inside her.

"Fucking hell Y/N, you're so tight and you're already sucking in one of my fingers. Seriously how long have you not gotten any dick?" He inquired as he added a second finger, beginning to scissor them inside her.

"Too. Fucking. Long."

Shutting her eyes, her hands went to Yeosang's hair and began pulling at it, her hips pressing against his face.

"Yeosangie..... help me..." She whined at him.

Paying attention to her needs, Yeosang buried his face in her heat once again, sucking and lapping enthusiastically, moaning occasionally as his 2 fingers slid in and out of her at a moderate pace. Y/N's chest began rising up and down, she could feel herself getting closer and closer to spilling all over her friend's face. The thought of her actually cumming in Yeosang's mouth riled her up more than she'd ever think it would. Yeosang felt her walls tightening around his fingers, clear indication she was about to cum. Being the teasing asshole he was, he pulled his fingers out and detached his mouth from her core, panting slowly from having been eating her out so passionately, some of her arousal smeared on his chin, upper lip and even on his nose.

"What the hell you jerk!?"

Y/N sat up, fully committed to smack him across the face, but he gripped her wrists as he forced her back down.

"Calm down Y/N, I promise you'll be cumming soon."

Leaning in, he kissed her forehead lovingly, sending flutters down her body. Her hand placed itself on his chest.

"Off." Although it was technically an order, she meant it more as a request.

Yeosang pulled his shirt over his head, allowing Y/N to gawked at his lean but toned abs and muscles.

"Fuck.......when did you start working out skater boi?"

Yeosang blushed and giggled shyly.

"Around the same time you began showing off your legs a lot more."

Y/N watched in anticipation as he began to remove his boxers. She widened her eyes when she saw her long time friend's cock slap against his stomach, the tip already leaking out precum.

"Holy shit. You weren't kidding when you said you weren't little." She complimented him.

Y/N reached out to try and grab it in her hand, but Yeosang swatted her hand away.

"You can suck my cock another time. Right now though, I'm dying to have it inside your tight hole."

Y/N clenched at the mere thought of having such a good looking cock inside her. She'd never outwardly admit it, but she always had a thing for visual stimulation and above average dicks.

Opening the drawer, Yeosang took out a condom and ripped it open with his teeth, soon rolling it onto his length. He slowly lowered his body on top of hers, kissing her softly as he aligned himself at her entrance. With a roll of his hips, he slid inside her, both of them moaning loudly. Yeosang let a few seconds pass before he began rolling his hips, starting at a slow and steady pace that matched the rhythm of the music playing in the background. His face hid in her neck, biting and kissing at her shoulders as his hands kept her waist firmly planted on the mattress.

"Fuck, you feel amazing Y/N." He whispered against her ear, making her sigh blissfully.

Wanting to dote on her more, he began spurting out a relay of compliments.

"You look so beautiful like this baby. Fuck! I wish I could capture this moment forever."

Feeling bold, Y/N held out her hand and began tapping around until she found what she was wanting to grab. She held out Yeosang's phone to him.

"Then why don't you?"

Yeosang groaned, halting his movements so as to not cum from her insinuation.

"Are you for real?" He wanted to make sure she wasn't kidding.

"Please just don't film my face. I don't want anyone to know it's me in case it gets in the wrong hands or you upload it to a porn site." She stated making him burst out in a lighthearted laugh.

"Oh honey I won't do that. I'm keeping this for my fap material."

Yeosang sat up as he turned on the camera. He began moving once the phone started recording the naughty scene taking place in his bedroom, this time going a little rougher than at first. He loved watching the way Y/N's tits bounced every time he pushed back inside of her. The red LED lights only made it more thrilling, adding a more erotic aesthetic that the camera captured perfectly.

~I'm burning up, yeah, all I see is red, ah

She said "Fuck me like I'm famous"

I said, "Okay"~

Yeosang's free hand ran across her stomach, momentarily pressing down on the bulge protruding from there. Then it began to squeeze at her breasts, fondling and groping them in a not too harsh fashion.

"Yeosang..... I need more..." She spoke out.

Yeosang pressed paused to help her out.

"Want more? Ok. Turn around for me baby."

~Push a little further on the edge

Crawl a little further on the bed, babe~

Pulling out of her, his hands helped her turn her body for him. Y/N immediately got on all fours, but Yeosang pressed his hand on her back.

"As cute as you look right now my friend, that's not what I had in mind."

Pushing her down, he made her lay her body on the mattress into a low doggy position. Y/N looked back at him with a questioning gaze.

"Trust me Y/N. It'll have you cumming in seconds."

Picking up his phone again, he was about to resume recording when Y/N's words made him snap up.

"Sangie please fuck me raw."

Yeosang swore he had a mini heart attack when she said that.

"Y..Y/N....what are you-"

"It's ok! I'm on birth control and I just really want to feel you and have you cum inside me." She confessed unashamedly.

Yeosang thought about it for a minute before deciding 'screw it' and threw away the condom that was wrapped around his dick. Pumping himself a few times, he finally pressed record again, wanting to capture the moment he entered his friend completely raw.

This time his thrusts were more deep and fast paced, wanting to have Y/N come as fast as possible, which wasn't going to take too long, if her now loud gasps and moans were a major clue.

"Oh- oh my g-god!"

Y/N now understood what Yeosang meant when he said he'd have her cumming in seconds. With his cock pushing in and out of her rapidly it made the mattress underneath her rub against her clit in the most addicting friction she'd ever had.

"T-told you so.." Yeosang couldn't hide the shit eating grin on his face, which Y/N would have slapped off if she could see it.

Gripping at her hip harshly, he angled himself so he could hit that special spot in her, finding it quite easily after many practices in the same room from past lovers. Y/N tried biting her lip but it wasn't enough so she resorted to hiding her face on the pillow in front of her, muffling her near shrieking moans.

~You're buried in the pillow, yeah, you're so loud

But I'm about to show you, baby, slow down~

Lifting her head up slightly, she tried to warn him.

"S-Sangie...I'm gonna-"

She threw her head down again, not wanting Yeosang's next door neighbors to complain next day about the noise, given how thin the walls were.

Positioning his phone on the dresser, Yeosang crouched down and lifted her face up to look at him. She looked almost completely fucked out, her hair sticking onto her face, sweat beads piling on her forehead. Yeosang kissed her messily, his mouth silencing some of her moans as well as his own.

"Go ahead gorgeous. Cum for me. I'll be right behind her."

Yeosang let out a deep, gutteral moan when he felt her clench around him, her body shaking underneath him as she came hard. A series of cursing ensued as he spilled himself inside her, coating her walls with his cum. He slowed down his movements, but never halted them completely, wanting her and himself to ride out their orgasms. When he finally stilled inside her, he grabbed his phone again and held it close to where their bodies connected.

"Holy shit. That's so hot." He said in an almost gloating tone as he pulled himself out of his best friend and watched as part of his cum seeped out of her.

Turning off the camera, he reached for the box of wet tissues on his nightstand and began wiping Y/N down. Tapping on her shoulder, he asked:

"You ok there bud?"

Y/N let out a muffled "Yeah."

"Cute." He shook his head.

Turning off the music, he plopped beside Y/N, turning her so they could resume spooning like they were in the beginning.

"So....?"

Y/N opened her eyes and tilted her head to look at him.

"So what?" She looked at him rather puzzled.

"Do you agree now that vanilla sex is superior?" He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

Y/N hummed as she pondered about it in her head. Turning around so her body faced his, she pulled him closer.

"I don't know.....might need a little more convincing..." She joked.

Yeosang took notice of the slight smirk that tugged at the corners of her lips. Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed the top of her head.

"Oh trust me. I don't think this will be the last time...."

═━═━═━═━═━══━═━═━═━═━═

~Song used here: Slow Down- Chase Atlantic ~

[ateezinmymind]

Numb

Rocker! Hongjoong x reader

angst, fluff ending

tw: smoking, drugs, alcohol, foul language, vomit, depressive symptoms, sexual harassment and toxic behavior—please don’t read if sensitive!! I don’t condone these acts <3

~you wanted to be more like him and less like you

~“fuck off! I don’t want to see that shit-face of yours again!!” ~

Tears streaming down your face, staining the flesh with a trail of black from your running eyeliner. You can’t get those last words out of your head, taking in a breath of smoke, and exhaling through your nose. Trying to ease the pain of abandonment—you contemplate what you’re going to do now.

Standing up from the concrete staircase you’ve been sulking on for the past 15 minutes,, burning out your cigarette—you make your way down to the only place you can think of..

The blaring sounds of screams and cries piercing your ears—the smell of alcohol and smoke,, bodies together,, this...this was it. This was where you could let go...let loose..and live.

“I am a cancer. I am a creep. I am the black sheep”

Hearing those booming lyrics-you look up to the stage. Finding the lead singer screaming into the mic—and bouncing with his guitar. From the eyeliner to his ripped-chained pants..you were sucked into a void. Eyes burning from the atmosphere,, head pounding—now heart aching. You couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Hey baby..can I get you something?” —snapping out of your self destructing trance, you look up to the raspy voice speaking to you.

~“Let me buy you a drink...you here alone?” ~

The buzzing effect in your body-taking you away..you felt numb. You didn’t feel right,, blurred vision, limp body—you were useless. Feeling your head being shook and lightly slapped, trying to blink your way to clear sight—you started to fade..

hearing the lone sounds of laughter and booms—everything felt underwater. You couldn’t quite see, hear or breathe. Maybe this was what you needed..no one loved you anyway. For fucks sake-you got kicked to the curb tonight—by your shitty once called boyfriend. Who which you caught cheating—and to which led to you being pushed out the door-with nothing but a pack of cigarettes and a twenty dollar bill.

You were drowning,, choking, needing air. Desperate..everything turning black,, it was what you deserved... until—

“Hey bitch!!”

jerking conscious from the ice water—wet, cold and vulnerable..you’re surrounded by big figures. Your body finally awake, the smell of the place hits you like a truck. Only causing your body to respond naturally—meaning dry heaving. Choking—you weakly stand up to be towered by the looming men. Clutching your stomach—you needed the bathroom, slapping your hand over your mouth to control the potential mess. You wobble forward..clearing a path to your destination— All while the lead singer watches you from afar....

Barging into the bathroom you’re met with a couple making out by the sinks, and the stench of regurgitated essence. Only causing the feeling in your stomach and throat to worsen..abdomen convulsing you knock through the stall—and spill your guts. Face flushing from the lack of air—your nose and throat burn, and your stomach churns with sickness. Flushing your vomit down the toilet—your mind hazes once again...and soon enough you black out against the stall wall—helpless.

———

Hongjoong hasn’t seen you come out of the bathroom for the past 20 minutes..he was starting to get anxious himself. But he still had to finish his last song before ending tonight’s show-

“You crack the whip, shape-shift and trick”

The bright lights—beaming all different tones of red and blue. He lived for the stage, the rush of adrenaline when the whistles and screams came. Hongjoong was meant for the spotlight—his soul voice, talent for the guitar-and his aura in all. He was a performer,, meant to please his audience—and when he saw you come in tonight, all ragged, sad and helpless. He couldn’t stop watching you, you were everything he wasn’t. And when those men spiked your drink—he wanted to kill them so badly, but he didn’t want to risk his place.

Sweat pooling down his face, hongjoong finishes the last song—

“Everyone wants a ride. pulls away, ooh—from you”

The screams from people lungs, the jumping of bodies close together, and the sweet sweet feeling of glory—all lasts for a second....

Jogging down the hall towards the women’s bathroom, Hongjoong gets stopped in his tracks. A girl extremely tipsy, reeking of alcohol puts her hand on his chest. “Heyyy..youurrr, yyou’re that s..singer guy...” trying to push her away—she only falls to her knees. “Excuse me—move” not understanding his words she squeezes hongjoongs thighs, then wraps her dirty fingers around his pants chain and pulls him forward. “S..Stop being sooO difficult..lemmeee make youu feel g..GOood” rubbing him she fiddles with his zipper

“What the fuck! Get off me bitch!” Pushing her head back she lands on her ass, and hongjoong steps over her with disgust. “Go give some other fucker a blow” taking a deep breath, he tries calming his raging thoughts of the drunk woman. Speed walking to the bathroom, barging through the door he screams at the couple grinding on each other “GET THE FUCK OUT!!-“

sending them running away, he sees your bare legs from under the stall. Pushing it open-he wants to hurl, but seeing you unconscious he swallows the urge down. “Hey-babe?” Shaking your limp body, causing your head to slide off the wall and hang down. Quickly hongjoong holds your neck in place and examines your face and body.

Your damp hair and top-makes him curse under his breath...how dare someone put something so fragile through hell? Why did he feel the need to help you so bad? Was it because of your differences...that he felt the need to protect you. And harm all the people who decided to put you down, and treat you like shit..

Trailing his eyes down, hongjoong sees your legs-scraped, cut and bruised, then he can’t help but notice your attire. The big T-shirt dress wasn’t doing its job in covering your lower half well, when sprawled on the bathroom floor, so he decided to help,,picking you up and taking you to somewhere safe...

———

The shooting feeling of your head pulsing caused you to wake finally conscious.. not knowing where the hell you were. Under the sheets of an unknown bed, surrounded by band equipment-you started to panic. Breath staggering-heart racing, eyes tearing up you quietly sobbed.

What did you do?? You’re in a strangers bed, and who knows what they did to you. Wiping your eyes you look down—dressed in a loose navy shirt, and boxer shorts...definitely not what you wore yesterday. Sniffles fill the empty room, and the smell of your hair comes to realization. Shit..someone really cleaned you up..

Heaving in a sharp breath—you feel your heart speed up..shit~not now..you can’t lose your mind right now. Someone can come get you-and you’ll be defenseless and weak against them. Ripping at your legs—trying to feel your way back to yourself through pain..you just whimper. Taking your head between your hands, hanging low—tears fall on the bed covers. The sounds of your sniffling cancel out the foot steps advancing your way through the hall-

“Hey~you’re awake”—jerking your head up to the mans voice..you immediately regret it, because your skull jolts in a jabbing pain. Making you cry out and curl in a ball, holding your head. “Wo..woah,, you okay babe?!” Hongjoong speeds to your suffering self. He didn’t know what to do..looking at the sheets and seeing your tear droplets..he can’t help but scoff. You have problems, it’s unreal...how can someone be so destroyed—physically and mentally??

Unscrewing the lid to the cool water bottle he brought in, he sits himself next to your hunched self. Placing his hand on your soft hair, he gently brushes strands out of the way..so he can see your face. “I know you probably have a million things on your mind right now..but I need you to drink some water-please” the mans voice somehow soothing the tightness in your chest, you open your eyes

His damp hair covering his eyes, his gentle hands gripping the water—you weakly slowly started to make your body lift.. eyes continuously leaking tears, you gently reach for the bottle. Slightly grazing his hand, you quickly look into his brown orbs in apology. “Sorry—” Just from talking to him out loud you feel pressure coming up again. Heaving in a deep breath-trying not to crumble again already just in the span of minutes, “what am I doing here?”

As Hongjoong watched you take a swig of water he softly reached his hand with nails painted black to wipe your cheek of tears. “Well...you were unconscious—so I wasn’t just going to leave you there like a shithead..” gulping, and putting the cap back on the empty bottle you take in his words. Your body being overwhelmed with awkwardness, you cover your face and whine. “You b-bathed me..and put me into n-new clothes..”

hearing Hongjoong chuckle out, you quickly uncover your face with shock. Why was he laughing at you?!! What did he do?? “Don’t worry~ I didn’t do anything to you,, just cleaned you up...I wouldn’t make moves on a someone not aware of their own decisions..” looking back down to your legs your mind begins to turn against you once again...

~Of course he wouldn’t do anything to you..no one would want to anyways. You don’t deserve anything, because you’re no good for anything.~

“Are you okay??” Cupping your head, you slowly give him a nod..eyes pooling with warm fresh tears. You blink away the blurriness, trying to calm down and speak again. But all you do is choke out a broken cry, “I s-shouldn’t be here...I don’t even know you, I don’t know where I am...and I-“ looking away from him, staring at your bandaged legs. Droplets falling onto your skin, you sniffle and realize your once broken skin that was decorated with cuts and bruises were now covered and protected.

“I understand..please forgive me, I’m hongjoong..I’m the lead singer and guitarist from the band you heard playing last night-“ lifting your head by your chin, he gives you the softest look. “y-yes I recognize you..I’m y-y/n-“ finally giving you a bright smile, and taking the bottle from your grip Hongjoong slides off the bed. “So what’s your story?-“

———

Walls broken down—exposed to the male you only just met a week ago...you’re starting to feel not so drifted from the world. Slowly regaining and healing...all thanks to him, all thanks to the person who is the complete opposite of you. He’s given so much to your little self, and you took the time, to breathe....take in the good and actually find meaning to live. Overcoming cruelty that fed the blazing fire which spiraled your self valuing into the pits of hell..

he saw you when you were drowning, in need of help.. and made you feel worth living for. With Hongjoong, there would be no more doubt, he..the man in the spotlight, chose you....

Who would’ve thought you’d turn up here.

Where this new beginning started....

But only this time, you weren’t in it alone....

“Before we start up tonight, I want to introduce an important person.” adrenaline coursing, blinding lights, aggressive shouting and screaming filled the hall... “Everyone, this is Y/n...”

————————————————————————

tagging my wife @hongjoong-a-holic 🥺

~this is kinda a mess...don’t really know what I was doing....I’m sorry

lyrics from: black sheep by palaye royale + black sheep by kailee morgue!!⭐️

[wenttworth]

tagged by @fuckbitchesgetreddie to go through all my WIPs...most of these are abandoned but yknow.

most of these are untitled i never think of titles until the end but

untitled #1 - eddie recovers in the hospital. richie puts his life on hold to stay with him. they play risk and richie pines. It surprised Richie just how strong a wave of hatred and jealousy he felt. On one level, he knew it was unfair; he'd never even met Myra seeing as how Eddie had always made sure Richie was away from the hospital when she came, and she only ever stayed for two days before flying back to New York. But for a wild moment he wished that Pennywise had taken Eddie’s left arm instead, if only to get rid of that fucking ring.

untitled band AU - richie and eddie used to hook up (past tense important), but never spoke about it. a few years later, eddie is on his honeymoon with myra when richie drunkenly posts a very damning original song which is very obviously about his feelings for eddie. "I'm sorry, Eddie," he said. Eddie sighed. "It's...I don't blame you, Richie. I love you, but I…" Richie wondered if Eddie was feeling anything close to the shards of ice that were ripping his guts apart, the dread cold in the pit of his stomach. If his feelings for Richie were anything close to what they had been ten years ago when they were sneaking in and out of each other's beds basically every night. He hung up, rather than hear that condition for love, and Eddie didn't call back.

untitled #2 - eddie moves to la. do i need to say more...? “Can I try your drink?” Eddie asked, already reaching for Richie’s cocktail. Though virgin--a switch that Richie hadn't outright explained to Eddie but one he could understand--it had enough fruit syrups and God knew what else that Eddie had wrinkled his nose when he'd ordered it. It probably had a whole tub of sugar in it. He sipped it slowly, furrowing his brow as the sweetness made his teeth ache. Richie was smiling at him bemusedly as butterflies whipped around Eddie’s stomach. “Sure, babe,” he said, letting out a startled yell when Eddie dropped the glass.

untitled #3 (i was not kidding when i said i don’t name my fics until the last second) - two years since richie left derry, eddie’s plan had always been to go to chicago the summer before uni to see him again. he wakes up on the plane landing in chicago with no memory of this plan. The smell of cigarettes hit him. It always filled him with nostalgia and a vague longing, and even though he could hear his mother screeching about second-hand smoke and lung cancer, he breathed it in deeply before eyeing the lanky guy who was the culprit for blowing out carcinogens everywhere.“You know those things will kill you, right?” The guy jumped out of his skin and blinked at Eddie rapidly behind thick lenses. His eyes were bright blue, and Eddie was hit again with nostalgia and that vague longing. Why, he had no idea. He had a hunch his dad must have been a smoker, and that was what had killed him, but he'd had brown eyes, not blue.The boy—he couldn't have been any older than Eddie—recovered from being startled, and winked. “That's only if the drinking doesn't get me first, pumpkin.”

[trashbag-baby666]

Little Talks-Baberoe

C/W: major character death

Babe, young and ambitious didn't know how he got caught at this point in his life. Age 23 and finding out he had stage two lung cancer.

Everyone around him was beyond devastated, his friends, his family, and including him. He was a healthy guy he thought.

But it couldn't change where he was now.

"Come on Babe just ask him for his number," Bill argued with his best friend.

"You're so embarrassing he's literally here to make sure the chemo doesn't go wrong." Babe sighed and motioned to the raven-haired man at the nurse's station.

"Babe do you have any idea how much money doctors make?" Bill protested.

"More than you do Bill," Babe rolled his eyes. He felt a cough come up his throat and Guarnere quickly grabbed him some tissues. It wasn't rare for Babe to cough up blood in this state.

Doctor Roe then rushed over.

"Edward are you alright?" He asked looking the redhead in the eyes before looking at the drip bag and the machine.

"Yes," Babes simply answered and took a sip from his water bottle.

"Babe over here is single if you play for that kind of team." Guarnere winked.

"Bill shut up!" Babe slapped his friend in the side then quickly winded himself. Doubling over and coughing harder. Bill quickly gave him another handful of tissues and rubbed his back.

Then handed him the water bottle.

"Do you need anything Edward?" Gene sighed.

"I think I'll be fine," he sighed and disposed of the bloody tissues and used the hand sanitizer placed next to his chair.

"Are you feeling winded? Short of breath?" Eugene asked wanting to make sure he was alright.

"I'm fine, really," Babe assured him and rubbed his eyes. Gene nodded with a smile.

"I'm sure he's got the hots for you doc," Bill laughed. But Babe couldn't deny the smirk and rosy blush Gene was sporting as he walked away.

"Stop you're so embarrassing. If you're going to act like this I might as well take George with. At least he's entertaining." Babe sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Are you feeling tired?" Bill asked, Babe, nodded and rested his head back on the recliner. If he had to be here for a while at least the hospital supplied comfortable chairs

Bill pushed out Babe in a wheelchair to the car. Babe had fallen asleep during treatment and they decided against not waking him. What Babe didn't know is he chatted up Gene and secured Gene's phone number for him.

Ever since Babe's first appointment to discuss treatments Babe was all over him. Turns out the feelings were mirrored and so did Gene.

Bill opened the door to his truck and gently set Babe in the passenger seat and buckled him. He then got in the driver's seat and started it up taking them home.

"Babe?" Bill knocked on Babe's door frame.

"Yeah Bill?" Babe sighed, Bill could hear the sleep laced in his voice.

"If you're too tired go back to sleep you need some rest." Bill sighed, he could see Babe curled up on his bed.

"No it's okay I'm awake Bill." Babe sat up slowly and took another drink of water.

"I got a surprise for you Babe," Bill giggled and fiddled with paper in his pocket.

"What is it Guarnere?" Babe rolled his eyes and turned on his side lamp.

"I got doctor hotties' number for you," Bill winked and handed him the folded paper.

Once you feel better call me <3

- Doc Roe

Babe lit up in blush and grabbed his phone out and typed the number in.

Babe Heffron:

Hey!

Babe Heffron:

Oh, wait it's Edward Heffron.

Eugene Roe:

Hi Edward!

Eugene Roe:

How are you feeling? Staying hydrated?

Babe Heffron:

Like shit :(

Eugene Roe:

Understandable.

Eugene Roe:

Plenty of rest and water. Take your medications as well :).

Babe Heffron:

I heard you thought I was cute.

Babe  Heffron:

I'm sorry for anything Bill might have said he's just out to embarrass me.

Eugene Roe:

It's okay. I thought it was cute how hard he was trying!

Babe Heffron:

Yeah, he's been trying to get me a boyfriend since high school.

Eugene Roe:

Well, he might have found one ;)

Babe set down his phone as a blush spread far over his face. Did Gene mean it? It didn't matter to Babe he had scored a hot date with the hot doctor.

Babe was in more of a panic as he waited for Gene to pick him up for the date. Gene ran his hands down his black jeans to get the sweat off.

"Calm down Babe you're going to have a good time!" George smiled as he came out of the kitchen with a cup of hot cocoa.

"I know but I'm just nervous," Babe sighed.

"Do you have tissues?" George asked.

"Yep," Babe nodded, "What did you do on your first date with Joe?"

"Oh wow, we went to the 24-hour diner after a football game?" George smiled.

Babe looked out the window and saw Babe's car.

"Oh god, he's here!" Babe looked at George and ran a sweaty hand through his red hair.

"Good luck Babe," George gave him a gentle push towards the door. Babe laughed awkwardly and walked out the door and got in Babe's car.

Babe and Gene walked through the art medium. Hand in hand they admired all of the art and sculptures.

"Are you still feeling good Edward?" Gene asked him.

"Yeah," Babe asked and smiled.

"I'm getting really tired," Gene sighed.

"Long day at the hospital?" Babe asked as they swung their hands and walked toward the exit.

"Yep," Gene frowned.

"We can go back to my place, I mean I have a few roommates but it'll be fine. We can go to my room." Babe giggled.

"Sounds like a great plan, Edward." Babe snickered.

"Please just call me Babe!" He protested as Gene led him to his car.

"Okay, okay," Gene giggled.

A month later Babe spent so much time at Gene's house. They'd instantly clicked on the first date.

Gene rolled over in bed as he woke up knowing he had to work. He sighed as he saw the red hair laying on Babe's pillowcase and brushed it away so he didn't see it when he woke up.

"M, Gene," Babe mumbled half-awake as Gene attempted to get up.

"I gotta get ready for work Edward," Gene smiled and pressed a kiss to Babe's forehead.

"Stay with me," Babe whined.

"I want to but I can't," Gene frowned and  Babe burrowed his head into Gene's chest.

"Please," Babe whined. He hadn't even opened his eyes, Gene was half-convinced he was still asleep.

"Maybe if I have extra time after I'm ready." Gene smiled and kissed Babe's cheek. He got in the shower and Babe got up sheepishly and slipped into the bathroom.

"Can I join you?" Babe mumbled as he stood next to the shower.

"Of course," Gene smiled and Babe stripped and slipped himself into the shower. Babe shivered against Gene then Gene swapped them around so the hot water could run down Babe.

Gene ran a hand through Babe's hair. Babe made a soft whine as he looked down. Every time he touched his hair more clumps would fall out.

"I'm sorry Edward," Gene sighed and let the shower pressure run it off his hand and down the drain.

"S' okay," Babe murmured into Gene's chest. To say the least, not much washing got done. More of Babe crying to Gene about his self-esteem and how bad his mental health was declining.

Gene dropped Babe off at his apartment on his way to work. Babe dragged his feet as he walked into the apartment.

"Finally you're home," Bill rolled his eyes from the kitchen then turned to see that Babe looked like a zombie. Maybe not literally, his face seemed to be sunken in. He had bags under his eyes, he was so pale.

"Hey Bill," Babe muttered and sat at the table.

"Okay I'll get your medicine and make you some tea," Bill sighed and grabbed the pill organizer and the tea kettle. He got a cup of room temperature water and handed the pills to Babe with the cup.

"Thanks," Babe mumbled and rested his head in his hands. Bill finished Babes tea and set it by him at the table before taking the seat next to him.

"Are you going to your therapist as scheduled?" Bill asked. Babe nodded his head as he let the steam from his cup go onto his face.

"Good, Gene must have been taken good care of ya if you're now just home." He chuckled.

"He's the best," Babe blushed and took another sip of tea.

"I bet he is," Bill smiled, "Why don't we get you settled on the couch with a movie?"

"Sure," Babe nodded and got up, "I wanna change into clean pajamas first."

"Okay that's fine," Bill nodded. Babe was getting so weak, sometimes he'd have to rely on his friends sometimes to help him change.

Babe changed into some black cotton booty shorts and a hoodie he had snagged from Guarnere when they were in high school. He limped lightly to the couch and laid down.

"Blankets?" Guarnere sat up from the love seat. Babe nodded as Bill piled two blankets onto him.

"Thanks," Babe yawned as Guarnere turned on the new Jumanji. Babe found himself drifting off with one thought or rather person on his mind.

Eugene Roe.

Four months later. Babe was always in bed and Gene found himself staying with him to take care of him. Babe had officially lost all his hair. He thought he looked so ugly but every day Gene reassures him.

All his friends took shifts looking over Babe while Gene was working. Babe had an appointment last week that he heard the chemo wasn't doing well. They'd need to increase the dosage. But the tumors had spread to his liver.

Gene laid a cold washcloth on Babe's forehead. "How does that feel l'amour?" Gene held Babe cold hand.

"A lot better," Babe sighed. His body temperature constantly changing. His chest always hurt and he was always wheezing.

"Drink some more tea Edward," Gene picked up the cup and helped Babe take a drink.

"You don't have to do this," Babe sighed as Gene sat at his side.

"Do what?" Gene furrowed his eyebrows.

"Don't play dumb Gene," Babe sighed looking the other way.

"No I don't know what you mean Edward," Gene squeezed his hand.

"You know take care of me. Pretend you're in love." Babe looked out the window.

Eugene let out a sarcastic laugh and shook his head.

"I love you, Babe, I'm not going anywhere. I like to take care of you, I mean it's quite literally my job. And I love every part of you. Your face," Gene ran a gentle hand down Babe's cheek, "Your eyes, hey even you're still adorable bald." Gene smiled and kissed his forehead, "Oh and I really love your lips." Gene smirked and kissed Babe tenderly.

"Promise..." Babe said out of breath.

"Promise," Gene smiled.

Babe had one good day in a long time. So Gene took off work and they decided they were going to the local amusement park. Sure, Babe couldn't do much. but he practically begged to go.

Babe pulled his beanie on and looked at his outfit in the full-length mirror. He had on black joggers and a nice grey shirt on with a black zip-up.

"Ready to go Edward?" Gene came into the room and smiled.

"Mhm," Babe clasped his hands and walked towards Gene.

"You look so wonderful, l'amour." Gene admired Babe and took his hand.

"Well so do you," Babe smiled and let Gene lead him out.

They arrived at the amusement park and Babe had settled into Gene's side as they walked in.

"Are you going to win me a great big stuffed animal?" Babe chuckled as someone walked past with one.

"Anything for you Edward," Gene smiled as they walked to a concession stand so Babe could get fries Oreos.

The day was going great for them, Babe seemed fine. Gene had tried to win him a stuffed animal but $40 later and they gave up.

As they headed out to the car Babe suddenly collapsed. He gasped for air and blacked out right away.

Gene freaked out and his doctor mode kicked in. He called 911 and he began to check his pulse, his breathing. Babe wheezed and it was scaring Gene. A small crowd gathered and Gene was in tears. He called Babes roommates and they agreed they'd meet them at the hospital.

The whole ambulance ride Gene filled them in on everything, his blood type, his condition, his medications. Eugene hated to admit it but he was in love with Edward.

      George paced through the waiting room. He was so stressed. "Sweetheart come on sit down." Joe sighed watching his boyfriend. Toye knew this wasn't George's first time in this situation. When Joe had gotten in a car accident their sophomore year of college. George had gone almost insane waiting to hear about how Joe was doing.

"Is Roe back there with him?" Joe looked at Guarnere.

"Yeah, he is they had him go back there." Bill sighed and ran a hand through his hair. George paced by Joe and Joe wrapped his arms around George's waist then pulled him in his lap.

"Why don't you go get us some coffee, Georgie?" Joe kissed George's neck.

"Okay," George sighed and got up.

"I'm so worried about Babe," Bill rubbed his forehead. Gene came out from a set of doors and walked over.

"He's going to be okay...for now at least." Gene rubbed his forehead. He had red swollen eyes and tear stains on his face, "Did you call Ms. Heffron?"

"Yeah, she got a plane ticket and is on her way," Bill explained.

"Good," Bill stood up and hugged Gene. Gene sniffed as tears streamed down his eyes.

"You guys can see him tomorrow visiting hours are over." Eugene sighed pulling away looking at them.

"I'm gonna go find Georgie and take him home." Toye sighed and stood up.

"Okay, Goodnight Joe." Gene nodded, "Tell George that Edwards going to be okay."

"I will, thank you for everything you've done for Babe." Joe smiled and shook Gene's hand before wandering off to find Luz.

"Bill I'm going to stay here for when Edward wakes up." Gene sighed.

"Okay...just call me when he does." Bill sighed.

"I will, now you get home and take care of yourself, Bill." Gene nodded and walked back through the doors and into Babes' room.

Babe woke up dazed and very confused. He rubbed his eyes and looked around.

"Eugene?" He mumbled.

"Edward?" Walked over and sat down next to Babe's bed.

"Hold my hand please," Babe mumbled as his eyes fluttered shut. Gene smiled and held it kissing his knuckles.

"Edward if you're tired go back to sleep," Gene takes quietly.

"But I wanna be with you," Edward mumbled.

"You gotta get as much rest as you can l'amour." Gene sighed and kissed Babe's cheek.

"What does l'amour mean?" Babe giggled with his eyes still closed. He didn't even think it about the whole time that he was calling him love.

"It means love, Edward." Gene sighed.

"I love you too," Babe giggled.

Six months later Babe found out that chemo was no help. And that there was no hope for Babe.

Everyone took it hard.

Babe didn't want any of the sympathies. He just said it was the circle of life.

When George heard he cried for the rest of the day. Joe couldn't lie but he teared up. All of the men had grown so close over the time they shared an apartment. On the other hand, Eugene was scraping the bottom of the barrel to find a new treatment. Or study, or anything. Anything to cure Edward Heffron of his ever-worsening cancer.

"Face it Eugene! It's not worth it. The spot should go to someone like a kid who has a whole life ahead of them!" Babe argued with Gene as he had found a new article on a trial treatment.

"Edward you're 23 you have a life ahead of you!" Gene grabbed Babes hands staring him in the eyes.

"I just...I can't. It's not going to work they tried everything." Babe took a deep breath and looked down. He felt the tears prickling his eyes. He knew his mother was also looking for anything to save her son.

"Okay..." Gene took a sharp breath. He sat them down on the end of Babe's bed.

"I love you Gene but I can't live like this anymore..." the redhead looked down at the intertwined hands.

"I-I know," Eugene sighed and kissed Babe's knuckles, "I'll do whatever it takes to make you happy Edward."

"I want a dog," Babe smiled and looked up.

"Then we'll get you a dog," Eugene smiled up at him. He knew what kind of deal he was laying down. It was going to become Eugene's dog after Babe passes. Babe giggled and leaned his head against Gene's shoulder.

"Je t'aime Edward," Gene smiled and kissed Babe's head.

"I love you Genie," Babe blushed.

They would get a dog. An Australian cattle dog to be exact. A three-year-old boy named Ellison.

"Come here, Ellison!" Babe sat on the couch and then the dog came sprinting from George's room. Ellison jumped on the couch and licked Babes cheek.

"Oh baby you're so pretty," Babe chuckled and pet behind Ellison's ears. Ellison barked and panted.

"Thank you, Edward," Gene chuckled as he came out of their room.

"You know I wasn't talking to you," Babe shook his head and laughed. He laid down with Babe on the couch and soaked up as much Babe Heffron as he could get.

Two months later and the devastating day came that nobody wanted to admit was coming. Babe had an episode the night before and had to go to emergency.

He would end up passing with Gene's hand gripped around Babes.

Gene would stare blankly at the love of his life, Joe would usher George out of the room, and Guarnere walked over to Gene and Edwards's mother.

"You gotta say your last goodbyes," Bill sniffed and wiped his tears looking at his lifelong best friend.

"Je t'aime Edward, Notre temps a peut-être été court Mais c'était doux et affectueux.(i love you edward, our time may have been short but it was sweet and loving)" Gene whispered as he held Babes lifeless hand, "J'ai appris à aimer d'une manière que je n'aurais jamais su que vous m'avez apprise. Je ne t'oublierai jamais. Je t'aime. (i love you edward, our time may have been short but it was sweet and loving.)" Gene kissed Babe's lifeless knuckles then his lips. He hugged Guarnere and Ms. Heffron before dismissing himself.

Hed go and collect his things from Babes' room before anyone else could get home. 

He and George had agreed that George could keep Ellison so he said goodbye to the dog and went home.

He was used to the lonely, stale feeling his apartment carried. But it just seemed different.

He set his keys and jacket on the table and noticed one of Babes' blankets laying across the back of his couch.

Gene picked it up and inhaled the scent of Babe. He didn't know how he'd ever move on. Sure it was maybe just a year but it was the best year of Gene's life.

No one heard from Eugene till the funeral. Even then he did little to no talking. He stood as far away from Edwards's friends as possible.

Gene thought to himself silently.

Was it a coincidence that it was raining?

He sighed and tried to get away from the service once it was over.

"Eugene," Bill called after him, "Gene."

"Yes, Bill?" Gene turned around trying to hide the ever-growing tears in his eyes.

"He loved you. He really loved you I hope you know that." Bill smiled with so much irony. Tears pricked his eyes and his mouth in a deep-set frown.

"I loved him," Gene sighed.

"He wanted you to have this," Babe handed Gene a pink envelope, "Now don't be a stranger Roe." Bill shot him a wink and walked back over to the family friend's party.

Eugene wouldn't touch the envelope for another month. The day he did it rained.

Dear Eugene,

Please don't forget me, but please let me go and find someone to love.

I had the time of my life with you Eugene. You made it wonderful even if it was short.

Don't let my friends cry over me forever. For the love of god please don't let the sparkle in George go away.

I know this is short but I don't know what to say other than I love you so much. Je t'aime Eugene.

I think that's how you spell it?? That's how you spelled it in your messages I think? Anyways I love you so much Eugene. Goodbye.

-Love Edward <3.

[crypticsewerslut]

Chart Reading for @demonxluxrosez <3

Sorry it's not in order and its alot more than my normal readings I loved your chart and havent done one in awhile sorry if it's not accurate bestie i tried. Thought I'd mention the like "pov" is so messed up I switch between they and your, but whatever.

Immediately theres a lot of Scorpio energy (Aswell as Gemini but I'll get there) with a Scorpio rising, 8th house stellium, and a few Scorpio degrees. Starting off with your rising I'd say an oval face, nice jawline, and smaller eyes. Your eyes are probably a more prominent feature on your face even if you dont have a "fierce gaze" their still alluring. As they get older they tend to like more flashy clothes which I live for😌, good taste in fashion. I feel like Scorpio risings dont get enough credit for this but they're very loyal, they just have trust issues. No body talks about this but your noses are perfect istg. Idk if they're necessarily intimidating or mysterious but I do know that they go through some emotional turmoil 😀. INTUITIVE. But possessive, I'd love to be your friend but I could never date a Scorpio rising.

I really wanna talk about their Gemini Mercury, I love that placement. 1st of all 7th house mercury may lean towards younger partners (but they had said it was the opposite). You guys are so smart and yes book smart but also I associate you guys with someone who is very straight up, which my Sag Sun LOVES. In my experience you guys are typically more politically progressive or far left (love to hear it). They talk alot though, and your Gemini stellium probably enhances that. Even if their grades arent fantastic (I'm not saying they arent) your still so god damn smart. Expect miscommunication with this placement.

Cancer Mars, not familiar with it your the first person I met that has this placement tbh. In the case of fighting I'd say this is either overwhelming aggression and underlying manipulation/gaslighting we all got our toxic traits babe. It important to remember that cancers are moody. In the case of sex I've heard 2 things, they like to see their partner in pleasure and prefer being submissive or very aggressive and the opposite. But you do have alot of 8th house energy that well get into later, so you could definitely be into some things that arent vanilla even bdsm. As far as what house your Mars is in I've seen a post about deep penetration and thigh rubbing but idk🧍‍♀️

Aries Moon is such a fun placement and as a fellow fire moon I love this placement, as we tend to get along well. Most fire moons tend to have the same stubbornness and sense of humor that makes me LOVE to hang out with them. Anyways this isnt confirming anything but every Aries moon I've met had a case of mommy issues (felt✊) I'm not saying you have an awful relationship with your mom, it's just something I've picked up on. You guys arent necessarily determined though, I'm sure your sick of hearing it but theyll start something and put it off for months. Nobody talks about how sarcastic Aries moons are.

Gemini Venus, also never met someone with it. I'd say very social (debatable) and likeable. When looking for a partner they may prefer someone that they see not just as a s/o but also a friend. They also look for someone who's open sexually as Venus and lilith are in the 8th house.

Jupiter Virgo in the 10th house, luck career wise. So great reputation and job. Could have interest in more creative jobs musician, artist, etc. A more mature yk logical approach towards their career. In my experience people with this placement are the mom friend or act a lion maternal when something goes wrong in their friends life. Father figure had impossible standards and helped contribute to intense self esteem issues.

A Gemini Lilith in the 8th house, starting off with the house placement I'd say there are higher chances of them being into things like bdsm and I'm just gonna guess a top or a switch. Might hide a few things for fear of rejection. Psychoanalyzes people and uses it to their advantage.

Saturn Cancer 8th house. Its giving daddy issues 🤭. Anyways, showing vulnerability is something hard for you as you protect it. Could have pretty bad paranoia. Trust issues are something you may struggle with. You need emotional stability as you attract dangerous coping mechanisms. Father could be money oriented to the point that it causes your family harm or he acts possessive to show he cares but rather does it for control.

Uranus Pisces in the 4th, lack of stability in the home, I saw a tumblr saying this placement showed signs of moving around frequently in childhood so maybe a parent was in the military? Just a guess I doubt it. Could be rebellion against family or parents. Possible psychic instincts or strong intuition.

Chiron Capricorn 3rd house, has a hard time speaking out and specifically standing up to parental figures. Feels like they arent being heard. Give yourself credit for how much you've been through your not a failure. Ambitious.

Pluto Sagittarius in the 2nd house. Opinionated. Higher chance of getting braces. Enjoyed school and learning when they were younger. A strong want for financial success. Change is hard for you. May go through some time were you feel silenced bytbyoull overcoms it.

Neptune Aquarius in the 3rd house, I've seen a tumblr saying music helps you feel comfortable and focused. Often lightweights. Be careful as drugs seem to be connected to this placement, maybe a siblings with substance abuse or something. Interested in poet or likes writing poetry. Unorganized and is often late.

Body parts associated with health problems are

Bowels, stomachs, breasts, chest, reproductive system, blood, nose, arms, hands, lungs, and shoulders. You could experience pain in one of these or like reproductive system, not able to have kids.

Hopefully its accurate, sorry the point of view I used was messed up and it took longer then expected.

[wienerbarnes]

Guardian

Pairing: Demon!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,119

Warnings: Mention of cancer, maybe angst?, fluffy thoughts at the end, sometimes i feel like these warnings are spoilers sometimes, ya know? 

Prompt: “no, no, no. don’t fear me. everyone fears me.” (bolded)

A/N: this is my submission for the love of my life, @thefvcker-tucker‘s #freaky500wc <3 i loveeeee the idea of this theme bc im a total whore for supernatural and scary stuff ;) go follow my angel, doll!!! she’s amazing and a total babe :) oneshot continued under the cut!

You wield the wooden bat tightly in between your fists, raised and ready to strike, despite how shaky your hands are. Bare toes silently creeping along the floorboards of the hallway of your apartment, feet slowly leading you to your kitchen where the loud bang and clinks of things falling from your counter and to the floor were heard. The oversized shirt that hangs off of your frame causes goosebumps to raise on your legs as the hem brushes against your thighs, or at least you attribute your goosebumps to that and not the possible intruder in your home. Could it be rats? Absolutely. Perhaps maybe even a bird flew in through an open window when your weren’t looking.

You would consider these possibilities if it weren’t for the “Shit!” that was whispered following the cluttering from whatever fell.

The closer you get to your kitchen, the louder everything is. Your heartbeat. Your breathing. Is that the sweat trickling down your neck that you hear? The loudest thing in the apartment, though, is the labored huffing as whoever is in your kitchen picks up your things from the floor and tries to set them on the counter as quietly as possible. You try your hardest to concentrate and focus your hearing, picture where this person is standing in your kitchen as to prepare yourself to attack, even though a battle with a stranger at three in the morning in the middle of your apartment isn’t something you think you’ll ever be prepared for.

You let out three harsh but quiet breaths before forcing your body around the corner and meeting eyes with the robber. You let out a yell as you whack the man across the face with your bat with as much strength as you can muster. He lets out a loud grunt and falls the floor, blood that’s almost black in color sprays across the wall and he groans on the floor. You let out another yelp as an overwhelming amount of adrenaline pumps through every vein in your body. You continue your screaming as you run back down the hall and into your bedroom, slamming the for behind you.

Turning the lock, you drop the bat and scramble around the room in search of your cellphone. Throwing your blankets across the floor in frustration you realize it’s sitting on your coffee table from when you were watching a movie earlier.

“Fuck!” You whimper, realizing you’re locked in your room with nowhere to go while a stranger roams around your apartment.

“Hey! Hold on! Wait!” You hear from the man, voice getting louder as it nears your bedroom. Your breaths come out of your body quicker and quicker; you feel as though your lungs are about to burst. You quickly gather your blankets as a shield and crawl towards the farthest corner of your room.

Your heart catches in your throat as you see the knob turning as the intruder tries to open the door.

“Open the door!” He pleads with you, the knob turning with force as though he hopes it will suddenly unlock by itself.

“Take whatever you want! Please, just don’t hurt me!” You yell back, voice cracking near the end of your beg, the fear overcoming your entire body as tears fill your eyes. You attempt to muffle your hiccups, tears falling from your eyes faster and faster as he continues to turn the knob.

“No, no, no. Don’t fear me. Everyone else fears me.” He whispers, the knob finally stilling and you hear a small movement, as though he situates himself on the floor.

He lets out a long and deep sigh, one that sends exhaustion through your whole body, you feel an immense cloud of tiredness and defeat rise over you, as if he somehow sent everything he was feeling to your body.

“Ugh, you don’t understand. I’m trying to help you, we’re both in trouble and I don’t know how to explain it.” He vents, a small thump heard against the door, his head, you assume.

Bucky has no idea what to do. Slumped on the floor against the door, shirt soaked with his black blood from his now broken nose, there wasn’t a worse way this could’ve gone. He doesn’t feel the pain in his nose anymore; it’s stopped bleeding soon after impact was made and it’ll set itself soon enough. He’s been a demon for a very long time and, although he knows the ins and out of pretty much everything he’s capable of, he’s never really gotten the hang

“We’re… connected.” He tries to begin, but shuts his eyes when he hears your heartbeat quicken. Great, now you probably think he’s some stalker who thinks you two are “meant to be” or something.

“That wasn’t right, uhh,” He corrects. “I’m a demon. Your demon, specifically.” He finally lets out.

“And I know it’s crazy and I know theres a lot of conspiracy about the whole existence of demons and what not and I really don’t want to scare you but, I really need you to hear me out; both of our lives are on the line.” Bucky explains.

He hears you slowly creep closer towards the door and although you don’t lean yourself on the other side as he is, you do put yourself significantly closer to him. His anxiety begins to lower as he hopes he’s getting through to you.

“What do you mean?” You quietly whisper, so quiet he barely heard it. He can hear that your crying has stopped, but your heart hasn’t exactly slowed back to normal.

“Uhh… which part?” Bucky calmly asks.

“The demon part.” You answer, answer slightly muffled by the blanket you’ve wrapped around yourself and covered your face with.

“Oh. So, uhh, everybody has one. Like, sorta how everyone has a guardian angel, everyone has a guardian demon, too. Like the angel and devil on your shoulder, those are real.” He treads lightly, terrified of scaring you again and not being able to get your help at all.

He doesn’t hear any changes in movement or heartbeat or breathing or anything, so he continues.

“How they work, though, is, um,” Bucky pauses, trying to find the simplest words to explain the whole system to you in your scared state. “You know how I said before that we’re connected? Well, when you die, I will die, too. And then… I don’t know what happens after that.” He trails off.

He hears you crawl the rest of the way to reach the door and rest your back against it, matching his position. He plays with a thread on his shirt as he feels the heat radiate through the door and on his back.

“And you said we were both in trouble? Am I dying?” You question, voice still tight and filled with confusion, but intrigued as to what this could mean for your life, that is, if Bucky’s telling the truth.

“Yes,” Bucky answers after a pause of silence. “You have cancer, but it can be treated if you do something about it early. That’s why I’m here; I came to warn you.” He finally tells you, turning his body slightly to rest the side of his head against the door.

He can hear that you’re breathing has slowed as you process the information he just told you.

“So, what, you just don’t want to die yet? Is that it?” You accuse, throat tightening again as your body feels more and more exhausted the longer you sit here listening to this man talk.

Bucky takes a moment to think and gather his thoughts in order to express them correctly. “You’re a really great person. I mean, you do so much for your family, your friends, your job, strangers you meet on the street. Like when you paid for that lady’s coffee the other day at that shop you go to every morning,” He stops himself when he hears your breath hitch. “I’m not ready to die, again. I didn’t live the best life when I was alive and now I get to watch someone else live such a fulfilling life, a life full of meaning where you actually have people care for you, where you’re actually making a difference. I don’t want to give that up just yet. And I don’t want you to have to give up anything, either. You don’t deserve that.” Bucky finishes, emotion piling up in his chest at the thought of losing you and ending up who knows where after he dies, again.

“I’ll… I’ll go to the doctor in the morning.” He hears you sniffle.

“But, if I’m being honest, there’s absolutely no way I’m opening the door, regardless if you’re telling the truth. Demon or not.” You inform him and he lets out a watery chuckle, incredible grateful that you’ll get yourself checked out.

Bucky feels so much happiness in his chest at the thought that he might’ve saved you because of his intrusion tonight. It feels good to actually help someone instead of hurt them, especially help someone as great as you. He clears his throat to compose himself, but his heart is still jumping for joy in his body.

“That’s understandable.” He assures you. “I guess my work here is done; I’ll, uh, leave you alone, then. We’re not really supposed to communicate, but, I wasn’t going to sit around and watch you and not do anything.” Bucky picks himself off the ground but the sound of your voice stops him from walking back down the hall.

“What’s your name?” You ask quickly, as though he’ll disappear forever no that he told you what he needed to.

“Bucky. My name’s Bucky.” He responds. He feels bittersweet. He’s upset with the way he scared you. And he’s upset that you’re sick. And he’s upset that he probably won’t ever see you again; it just isn’t allowed. But he’s so happy to have been able to help you; to have warned you. You’re going to be okay. And so will he.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

…

You don’t leave your bedroom until about two in the afternoon. Everything that happened during the night thoroughly tired out your body. You pulled yourself out of bed and gathered the blanket around your body to hold onto whatever heat is left in the seams. You drag your feet to the door and notice the lock still turned up. A shiver runs down your spine as you’re reminded of the image of a tall man standing in the dark shadows of your kitchen.

“There’s no one here,” You reassure yourself, “C’mon, you gotta go to the doctor.” You try to push yourself.

You twist the lock and open the door before you can try and convince yourself to hide in bed all day. Your hallway is lit by the creaks in your windows from your living room that let the morning light shine through. You slowly make your way to the kitchen and feel a wave of relief when you find it empty. You also notice something else.

The pans that woke you up during the night when Bucky showed up were now stacked neatly on top of your stove and Bucky’s blood that splattered on the wall when you swung at him was now gone. In fact, your kitchen is spotless. The stove scrubbed, the countertop wiped down, cabinet doors rid of any dust. And a note.

You step closer to the counter where the note lays and see a rough drawing of a smiley face with devil horns with the messy scrawl underneath: Good luck. Love, Bucky.

You smile and pick up the note and tape it onto your fridge before walking back down the hall. A small part of you wishes he was still around, standing in your kitchen awkwardly gathering pots and pans from the ground and stumbling around your apartment tripping over his own words while talking to you. You wish you weren’t so afraid of him yesterday. You wish you would’ve been able to talk to him more; how he died, who your guardian angel was, what was hell like, if that’s even where he came from. Maybe someday you’ll be lucky enough to cross paths with him again. Or rather, perhaps he’ll cross your path again, with some loud and obnoxious entrance in the middle of the night. Although you were so incredibly terrified a couple of hours ago, you don’t mind the idea of his presence and the fact that he’s always been watching over you, even if he was the reason behind the bad decisions in your life.

Somewhere, you just know Bucky’s smiling at you. And you smile, too.

Tags: @thefvcker-tucker @gagmebucky @hannie-writes-marvel @angel-fire

[evilkennedy]

take care of her [p.p.]

pairing: peter parker x fem!reader

word count: 1.2k

summary: reader is tired of suffering, but is very glad to have peter.

warnings: (unedited) angst ! sorry babies. terminal illness

a/n: i don’t even know if this is any good but I hope someone likes it. also sorry the summary is vague. texts in this are in italic. let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist. ♥︎

You are dying. Not in the sense that death is inevitable and the seconds are just ticking away, but in the sense that you actually have cancer. At this point, it’s old news. You’ve cried your tears, so has your family, friends, and Peter. Cancer has been hard on you. Physically and mentally. Luckily so many wonderful people have your back. You aren’t afraid of death. You don’t welcome it either, but you hope to have those that you love, by your side. You know you will.

Peter visits you everyday after school. You’re both seniors now. At least, you were. Before everything had gone to shit. Now you just lie in a hospital bed, awaiting the faithful day that you will take your last breath. Your thoughts had started to get a bit depressing, so you texted your boyfriend.

Hey, babe. I know you’re at school right now, but I love you. Text me whenever. Can’t wait to see you later ♥︎

You hit send before leaning your head back against your pile of pillows and sighing. You closed your eyes. In the last few days, it had become harder to breathe. Your lungs seemed to be working overtime. Trying to keep oxygen flowing, and to keep your blood pumping. Your heart beating. You opened your eyes again, only to stare at the ceiling. You heard your phone ping, so you reached for it with shaky hands. You saw the notification was from Peter.

Hey, honey I love you too.. Is something wrong? Are you okay? Thinking too much again?

You chuckled at his response. It was adorable. He was always worried about you and honestly? You thought you didn’t deserve it. He deserved better. He deserves to not have to worry about his significant others lungs just giving out on them. He was Spider-Man for Christ’s sake. He had enough to worry about.

You shook those thoughts out of your mind as you responded.

I’m okay! I pinky promise. Just miss you, is all.

You hit send and set your phone down on the table beside you. Despite having woken up only a couple of hours ago, you were exhausted. You decided to take a small nap to pass the time.

~

You woke up to gentle fingers carding through your hair. Peter. You smiled softly at the boy beside you. He noticed you were awake and spoke gently as though he didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere, “Hey, beautiful. How did you sleep?” He smiled kindly at you, never stopping the motions of his fingers. You took a moment to breathe and responded, “I slept good. Didn’t mean to sleep that long, though. I’m exhausted.” You didn’t want to worry Peter. Your lungs were aching and your head felt a weird sort of hollow. You wanted to cherish this moment for as long as you can. You’re worried you’ll slip away again. Damn, cancer.

Peter stopped brushing his fingers through your hair, and brought his hand down to hold your worryingly cold and shaking one. The both of you sat in a comfortable silence until Peter broke it, “How do your lungs feel today? Don’t lie, either. I genuinely want to know how you’re feeling.” Your heart broke a tiny bit at the concern and love in his voice. You knew you shouldn’t lie, so you opted to tell the truth, “Actually they ache quite a lot. I’m okay, though. Please don’t worry.” He looked at you as if he knew something that you didn’t, but smiled nevertheless. He brought your hand up to his lips and gave it a gentle kiss before speaking again. “Y/n, you know I’m going to worry no matter what. I love you and it’s my job to worry. But if you say you’re okay, then I trust you. Wholeheartedly.” He smiled. You teared up, hardly knowing why. Maybe just because you loved Peter so much. “Pete, I love you too. What did I ever do to deserve someone as like you.” You smiled. The question was rhetorical but Peter answered, “You existed and I fell in love. Hard.” After that you let the room fall back into a comfortable silence. Well, almost silent, besides the beeping of the heart monitor. The constant reminder that you are indeed dying in a hospital instead of graduating high school.

Your lungs went from a dull ache to a sharp, seizing kind of pain. Suddenly it seemed as though no matter how much air you inhaled, your lungs weren’t actually getting any of it. The heart monitor sped up slightly at your panic. Peter seemed to notice then that something was wrong. Before he could say anything though, you were already speaking, “P-Pete, ple-ase talk. to me. Tell me any-anything.” You squeezed his hand tighter as your lungs burned. Your heart rate slowing down significantly. Peter panicked, but didn’t let it show. He started talking to ease your mind. You both knew this day was coming soon. “Do you remember the time you found out I was Spider-Man? God, your reaction was priceless.” He laughed, despite the tears forming in his eyes. The heart monitor beeping slower in his ears. You squeezed his hand telling him to continue. He got the hint and began to speak again, “I-It’s one of my favorite memories, you know? Because you were so freaked out and it freaked me out. And I just kissed you! That was probably the- the absolute best night of my life. Not only because I felt like I wasn’t hiding anything from you anymore, but because I found out you liked me too. You were just, god you’ve just always been so supportive, y/n/n. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you all these years. You’re my partner in crime, or well uh, heroing i guess. I truly believe you’re my soulmate.” He stopped talking to notice your eyes have fallen shut. A single tear falls down his face. Your heart is still beating, but just barely. The beeping of the heart monitor is almost undetectable and so is your pulse. Peter smiles despite the pain in his chest. He’s crying but he continues to talk for your sake, “There was this one time I told Tony that I wanted to marry you. I still do, obviously but we are just so young. He gave me all this advice. He was so supportive. I can’t wait until you meet him.” Peter coughs. He’s crying a lot know. “Y/n, I love you.” As he says those words, the soft beeping of the heart monitor turned into an ugly single beep. You were flatlining. Your hand falls limp in Peter’s. It felt wrong. You were supposed to be alive. You were only 18 goddamn it. Peter laid his head on the side of your hospital bed and fully let himself go. He began to sob as nurses and doctors came in, attempting to revive you.

Peter knew it wouldn’t work. You had fought for a long time. This was your time to rest. Peter just has to trust that you’ll be able to finally rest now. He doesn’t know how he ends up in the hallway instead of in your room, but he looks up from where he’s sitting with tears streaming down his face. He smiles despite everything that had just happened and says, “Mr. Stark, I told you that you’d love her. Now please take good care of her for me, okay?”

Let me know what you think? <3

taglist:

[cal-puddies]

your kind of heaven || pt.1 i could use a love song || luke hemmings

its new, it’s luke. it’s inspired by a slew of maren morris songs. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

pt 1. || pt 2 || pt. 3 || pt. 4 || pt. 5 || Pt. 6 || pt. 7 || pt. 8 || pt. 9 || pt. 10

Luke’s legs swing over the edge of the bed, “whiskey?” He asks, his voice is husky.

“Please.” You manage to respond.

He pulls on a pair of shorts he finds on the floor. “You gonna smoke?” He asks.

“Yeah.” You nod, grabbing the button up he’d come home in. You pull it on and follow him to the kitchen, grabbing the pack of cigarettes from the drawer while he makes the drinks. You step on your back porch and light the cigarette, taking a drag.

He comes out, a few moments behind you. You’d had enough time to stare out over the pool and think about the last couple of years and how you’d met Luke, all those years ago. You look down at the wedding band and engagement ring nestled together on your ring finger.

They didn’t mean what they did when he’d given them to you; hell, you weren’t even sure the two of you were in love anymore.

You were a songwriter, you’d been called in to

work on their album, Luke was still with Sierra, and everyone thought they’d get married.

You trade Luke, the drink for the cigarette. You’d always told him not to. It was bad for his lungs and voice, but he ignored you. Neither of you really smoked anyway. I few puffs off a cigarette after sex barely constitutes smoking.

“Congrats on the award babe.” You say quietly.

“Thanks love. What’s on your schedule this week?” He asks, handing the cigarette back.

“Toronto… working with Shawn.” You watch his nostrils flare. Shawn was never shy about being into you, always more than happy to flirt with you right in front of Luke, which drove him crazy.

“Shawn, huh? I thought…”

“We work well together Luke, you can't deny that.”

“I’d like to,” He groans. “Does it always have to fuckin be Shawn?”

“What makes you so mad about Shawn?” You ask, “is it really that he’s so flirty or is it that you see what our relationship was like in the beginning?” Luke inhales sharply, “it’s not like I respond to it, I know who I’m married to.” You say quietly. You put the rest of the cigarette out and take the last drink of your whiskey before turning to go back to bed.

Shawn sent the private jet for you, so you were mostly just alone with your thoughts for the 4.5 hours. You played with your rings, slipping them on then off your finger multiple times. You looked them over. They were beautiful.  Luke had done a great job with both.

You remember when you and Luke clicked. There was initial attraction, you worked with them the first time, and then they wanted you back for the next album.

Luke was still very much with Sierra. And your life had changed drastically; going from being practically engaged to burying your fiancé after a very aggressive form of cancer took him over. He was the love of your life, you were sure, it was devastating.

They didn’t know, you guys weren’t that close after the first time working together. You kept it that way.

But they all could tell something was different. Luke pulled out an old song the two of had started the first time around, but you couldn’t get it finished. You guys sat for hours, everyone else had left, and you finally finished it; it became one of their best songs, Luke’s vocals made it so emotional and raw, and he took it so seriously because you’d been honest with him about where it was coming from. it’s also what ruined Luke and Sierra, but started you and Luke.

Luke had wanted to comfort you in the best way he knew how, he wanted to be close to you, after you'd explained everything. He’d kissed you. You pushed him off, you couldn’t let him cheat on Sierra.

But you couldn’t help how easy it was to talk to him, so you continued to do so. Texts and phone calls, meetups, any time of day or night. If either of you needed it, the other of you was there.

Then he’s showing up, middle of the night, a wreck, because they’d broken up. Sierra felt like Luke wasn’t all in anymore. She could see his attention was pulled and it wasn’t just his music. He didn’t understand how she could say or feel that way. She knew the two of you were just friends.

He spent days, sprawled on your bed, begging you to keep the curtains drawn and just let him be. You do, you leave him be, and you’re there when he wants you there.

You remember the way his fingers curled into the ends of your hair, when he needed you to be there. The way he pulled you tight against him.

The jealousy when he hooked up with a string of girls after he left your place, his rebounds.

Showing up to his place mad as hell, that he’d held onto you so tightly and talked to you about everything and then he was hooking up with randoms right in front of you.

He brought you in, and neither of you had been with anyone since.

Luke’s hands were softer on your body than you’d expected. His fingertips brushed along your stomach as he carefully pulled your shirt off. He was so slow with everything, he said you deserved someone who would take their time.

His lips gently pressed everywhere; Your neck, along your collarbone. He smiled so sweetly before making you cum on his tongue. You could tell that every touch was deliberate.

“Sorry about all the girls.” He whispered, “I needed to be ready for you though.” His lips pressed gently to yours. “I couldn’t go straight to you, not with Sierra still in my system. But I’m all yours now.” He promised. His lips pressed hard to yours as he got got himself in position above you. “This ok?” He checked.

“Of course Luke.” You nod, actually a little nervous. You hadn’t really been with anyone since your fiancé, choosing to drink your pain over anything else.

He’d convinced you to marry him within a year after that. He didn’t care that your heart would always be somewhat broken. He loved the silent strength you always seemed to have. He loved the support you always provided. He didn’t care that his friends thought it was too fast, because you two felt it was right.

His mom was pissed that you eloped, but you promised her something more traditional when they had more time, when they had a break between albums.

Cal found out first. He’d run into you while you were out around town, they only had a few weeks off and Luke couldn’t keep his hands off of you. He noticed the rings. He tried to play it cool, but you saw right through it.

He warmed up to it the fastest, though. Luke forced him to spend time with the two of you, so he could see it first hand. And in the end, he understood.

So you went back on tour with Luke. And you dealt with the weirdness from Michael and Ash until they accepted it.

Ash was the worst, standoffish and always finding ways to make little digs at you. A lot of insinuating that you wanted Luke’s money, or to be attached to his name, despite the fact you made more than them, and you did any and everything to avoid being noticed when with them. He loved Sierra and he wasn’t shy to let you know that.

It took him a while to finally sit down with you, but it wasn’t easy and it wasn’t one conversation. He was fiercely protective of Luke; He didn’t hear what you wanted to say at all. Luke had to step in.

And then it was the fans. They loved Sierra and they barely knew you, but they knew Luke loved you. Most of them had warmed up faster than Ashton had.

You stare down at the wedding band. You were married before Luke ever really had to deal with any of your issues. But he took them in stride. He hadn’t realized how far back your string of bad luck seemed to go, how he was the first really good thing for you to hold onto. And he never wanted to let you down.

He’d never gotten to meet any of your family. Your mom took your older brother when your parents split and you'd never spoken to either of them again. She didn’t ever pretend, she hated that you were a daughter and not a second son. From what you understood when you got older, is that they had a new life and you had two half brothers you’d never meet.

Your father died from a heart attack when you were 16. It was traumatizing. You’d been playing soccer in a local park together, he’d mentioned some pain but insisted on playing through. He fell, holding his chest, and he never got back up. He never left the hospital.

You were only 2 years younger than Luke, but at 27, he was convinced you’d experienced more tragedy than most would in their entire lives. He knew you and your fiancé had loved intensely, his cancer diagnosis and the miscarriage almost ended you.

He wanted to make sure you never felt that kind of loneliness again. You’d always be loved and wanted, he’d make sure of that.

Your phone buzzes in your hand and it draws you out.

-sorry I was a jerk last night. Write something great, I know you will. Love you. Luke had texted.

He wasn’t stupid. He could feel the strain in your relationship. You both felt like you were being pulled apart.

And you just didn’t have time. Barely for yourself, and not at all for each other. You were always being pulled away from one another.

The night before, that you’d spent in bed together, was the first in months and it’d be the last for almost 2 months, since he was coming off tour and you were on your way to write with Shawn.

-s’ok Luke, I know you get it, but I know it stresses you out too. You text back. Love you.

But it felt a little like too little, too late.

Taglist: @cocktail-calum @1dthewantedlove @september09241994 @youngblood199456 @lustingforwunder @calumsphile @neso-k @rosecoloredash @radmcqueen @justayoungandwisefangirl @itsnotmyblood @slimthicccal @softboycal @lietoash @pushthetide21 @5sosfanficrec @pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles​ @therealmrshale​

masterlist || ashton || calum || luke || michael

wanna be tagged? go here

[zephyrvm]

🏥 ( with my two loves even if it's gonna hurt )

« symbol angst prompts   // open  !! »updating files.「  ☁ 」 ━ *┊ @floires

🏥- My muse has been sick for a long time, and now they have to tell your muse that they’re most likely not going to make it.

                           ‘how long ?’  

        ‘ 3 - 4 months top if you take treatment.  we will continue to do blood tests but you have to understand miss song , this form of cancer has never been seen before . i’m afraid there isn’t much modern medicine can do for you as of now .   i’m sorry , miss song ‘

    ian had always known that her  life was not ever meant to be a long one .  long had she came to term with it  ;  prepared since childhood  —- she lived a     reckless     but fulfilling adventure .  she had grown  to be her own person , thing she never expected to happen .  she lost her family during her time away from them  ,  but had found a new one in the friends she made in seoul . losing  a mother and brother only gained her new brothers and sisters — even two boys she saw as her own sons .  needless to say with her time in seoul  ,  she began forgetting that she was not immortal .  that with her work of line and magic ;  ian’s fate was to die before her loved ones .  she had never expected it to hurt this much .   how was she going to tell her  — the only one that knew .  how was she going to look her sister in the eye and tell her that she was dying .

the scent of the hospital fills her nose ;  it had been a few minutes since ianthina left the doctors office and she was dreading heading to the waiting room .  hoping to prolong the   i n e v i t a b l e  .  but alas , even for her she knew that it was better to rip off the bandaid  ;  if she hid it ,  flora would never forgive her .  exhaling deeply , she felt her weaken lungs constrict with pain .  the shorten of breathe had make it difficult to breathe ; something she had been fighting to keep to herself until now .  with heavy steps , she makes her way towards the waiting room , ignoring the looks of patients in their rooms and in the halls .  drowning out the whispers and cries of those that were dealing with their own fates .  she swore the walk wasn’t that long before ,but the witch knew that her mind was making things more hard for the dying woman .  

the doctor had been wrong  — in the human’s eye the rapid  growth and degeneration of cells had left them confused .  her body was attacking itself  ;  killing what was left of her.  ian knew there was no one else to blame but her for her last reckless choice .  she knew the dangers of magic deficiency and yet , she had poured everything out of her for the sake of others .  now how was she to tell flora ? 

it’s a pain that creeps into her chest as she walks into the waiting room .  eyes falling on the only soul that stood there , for her return .   inhaling deeply , ian quietly steps in ; closing the door behind her grabbing the attention of the beauty .  worry , relief — hope .  she watched emotions playout within the eyes of her sister when the younger’s gaze fell upon her .  ❛  babe , don’t get up .  ❜  words flow out to pause the younger’s actions of greeting , instead , ian takes the seat beside the others .  cold hands reaching out for the warm ones as she offers a gentle smile . ❛  i need you to listen to me , flora .  i need you listen to me and promise that whatever i tell you , you’ll continue to be happy .  ❜     she wasn’t supposed to leave the other so early . flora’s wedding was only months away now and it was to be her job to make sure her sister had everything she wishes for .  how could she tell her this ?  it was a painful , the way her heart ached within it’s cage as she could already feel the fear and worry in the actions of the younger .  wasn’t like she was holding up any better , feeling the tears prickle at the corners of her eyes . 

❛ doctors say it’s an odd form of cancer .  well that’s what everything is pointing too and that’s far too gone to do anything .  but it isn’t cancer , it’s call magic deficiency .  it’s a deadly illness for magic users .  my cells are out of whack for now , but soon the magic that is holding them together will cease to exist and i will go with it . ❜   she utters ,  the crack in her voice heard clearly as she felt the hand in hers begin to tremble .   it didn’t take a genius to know that flora was breaking down .  the sobs that filled her ears forced her own to go down , releasing the younger’s hands to wrap her arms around the frame of the other .   ❛  i’m sorry i can’t keep my promises to you , flora .  but please don’t cry .  even if i am no longer with you , i will always be looking down at you . don’t worry about me , i lived a good life .  i met you , my little sister so , don’t cry .     ❜   don’t cry —-   how easy it was to say those words yet despite of her efforts —  the enchantress found herself hugging her sister tightly .  joining her in the breaking down .  

there wasn’t much left to do .  her end had been marked  ;  but it was true what she said .  she had lived a long life . a good one and there were no remorse in her mind .  

❛  i’m sorry flora …  ❜

[softscottlang]

Nothing Gold Can Stay (Peter Parker)

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem! Reader

Word Count: 3.1k (I snapped)

Warnings: please have tissues ready, death and teen pregnancy. 

Summary: You find out you’re pregnant and everything seems to be playing against you. 

~~~~~~

To say you were scared would be an understatement, you were plain terrified. You felt your hands shaking from the terror running through your veins. You were screwed, your life was over. How were you going to be able to tell him? He was going to hate you, he was going to leave you. He already has so much stress on his plate, why would he accept this?

You looked down at the plastic stick one more time before crawling off of the floor with a large exhale. You looked at yourself in the mirror, you saw the fear in your own eye and were appalled. Why were you so scared? You knew what you were getting yourself into when you made that decision. Your eye drifted over your tense shoulders, down your caved in chest and to your stomach.

Underneath everything, there was a little being growing there, a little Peter and you, waiting to meet you both.

The thought brought the happiest of smiles to your face, but it was immediately washed away as soon as there was a knock on the bathroom door.

“Y/N, you ok babe?” You heard the love of your life say from across the wooden door. You felt your heart speed up and your breath start to slip away from you. you realized that he was saying more than just that, but your mind wasn’t registering the words.

The door was pushed open and Peter had his hands on your face, turning you to look at him. The fog that seemed to be clogging your ears from your brain cleared and your eye focused on his. You wanted to scream the news at the top of your lungs to him, but your mouth wouldn’t cooperate. You wanted Peter to tell you that he was happy that you were pregnant, but you had a gut feeling that things weren’t going to work out in your favor.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He said gently, with no anger or sadness in his voice. You felt the hope slip into the back of your mind again. Lazily, you flung your head to where the test stick was sitting on the counter. When Peter let go of your face to garb the plastic, life changing stick, you felt the butterflies in your stomach start to erupt with anticipation.

“Does this mean…?” His back was turned toward you so you couldn’t see the expression his face was holding but you could just imagine the look of pure horror. You wanted to cry and for the first time that day, your body let you.  A single tear fell from you right eye. It was kinda soothing, being able to cry, it felt like a sweet release to be able to finally do it. “I’m gonna be a dad?”

Peter turned around and you saw the happiest smile on his face. You felt the weight of the anxiety you had lift off of your chest. You took a step toward him and nodded your head. You felt his hands wrap around your waist and pull you into his chest. You began to laugh when he started jumping in a small circle with you in his arms.

 “I’M GONNA BE A DAD!” he screamed loud enough for the other occupants of the apartment to hear. You started to push yourself away from Peter because you wanted to look at his face. His eyes were almost unable to be seen because his cheeks were being pushed up that high. His smile was large and genuine, your heart ached for the teen in front of you.

 “I CALL BEING THE GODFATHER!” Ned said as he quickly peeked his head into the bathroom.

  Both you and Peter decided to get an apartment to prepare for the baby to come. It wasn’t easy scraping up the money to afford the small two-bedroom apartment, but you had done it with the help of Mr. Stark

“I’ve told you how many times Peter, it’s gonna be a boy. I can feel it.” you said as Peter was on his laptop looking at pink clothes online for babies.

“Babe, you have to let me dream. I want a little you running around! Think about it! She’ll have your face shape and smile, maybe my hair and nose! Literally would be the cutest baby in existence!” He flung his head back and had a dreamy look in his eyes. You were distracted by his beauty and his happiness but you had to put in your opinion on this ‘dream’ baby.

“No matter what, I just hope our baby has your eyes, I love them so much.” You turned around to go close the blinds in the living room because of the sun starting to give you a headache. You heard the patter of Peter’s feet across the living room and thought nothing of it. You quickly twisted the shutters closed and turned around.

When you went to speak with Peter about dinner, you saw that he was kneeling right in front of you. Your breath was stuck in your chest and you stared at him in awe, was he really doing this now?

“Y/F/N, I have loved you since the moment I set my eyes on you. You were confident, talented and kind. I loved that much about you the first time I met you. But as I got to know you, I fell in love with the little things about you, like how your nose crinkles up when you lie, or how your eyebrows are always raised when you’re happy. I fell in love with your heart, I loved the way you simply handed a man two dollars so he could get a bus ride home on a cold night with no questions asked. I fell in love with everything about you. Then you got pregnant, sure it was earlier than I would have liked but I am so happy that I get to raise a child with you. SO as I’m sitting here, shaking like a mad man. Will you marry me?” He asked, popping the small leather box open and showing a small diamond ring on a silver band.

“Yes” you could barely get the single word out over the tears that streaming off of your face. He shakily slipped the ring onto your finger and pulled you into a kiss. This kiss was something unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before, it was passionate but pure, hungry but wholesome. You were so happy to be able to say you were going to be able to be with the love of your life for the rest of your life. You felt the butterflies start again in your barely showing stomach.

  “Peter Benjamin Parker, you have been putting your yearly checkup off for three months. If you don’t go, I’m calling May!” You said as you were making breakfast one morning. Granted, being six months pregnant made it hard for you to move around without hitting anything but you managed.

“I’m not scared of my aunt babe, I’m a grown adult.” He said nonchalantly as he continued to scroll through his phone, “and it’s not like I’m gonna die if I don’t go.” You rolled your eyes and pulled out your phone and pretended to make a call. You waited a little while, continuing to stir the eggs before speaking.

“Hey May! It’s Y/N, and I was calling to let you know that Peter isn’t planning on going to his chec-” was all you got out before your phone was out of your hands and on the counter.

“Fine, I’ll go! What time is my appointment?” He said in defeat. You couldn’t help the smirk that was on your face, he always had a weak spot for his aunt.

“It’s at two, but I have to meet with Hero then. I’m asking her to be the Godmother to our son.” You both had recently gone to the sonogram, finding out that you were having a baby boy. “Speaking of which, I think I figured out a good name!”

“Yeah what is it? “ he said looking up from the glass of water he had made himself.

“Benjamin Richard?” You said looking at his face in anticipation. You knew his family was special to him, so you wanted your baby’s name to reflect that. His piercing eyes stared into yours before you saw the tears start to weld up, threatening to overflow from his eyes.

Suddenly you were wrapped into a hug and squished up against your loves chest. He really was happy that you wanted to put his family into thought when you picked out his first born’s name.

“I was gonna suggest George Lucas for his name, but I love your idea so much more.” You laughed at his obvious Star Wars reference and began to tear up. The more days that went by, the more real this entire process seemed to be. Peter, the love of your life, was going to be the father of your child, the father of Benjamin Richard Parker. And you wouldn’t want it any other way.

   Later that night, you had started to make grilled cheese for dinner, knowing that was one of Peter’s favorite meals on week nights. It was quick and easy for you, so the convenience was great.  

You were almost done with the last of Peter’s four grilled cheeses, he liked to eat, when you got a text from him.

Spidey boy <3

Hey Love, We have to talk about something when I get home, I love you.

 You sent him back a quick reply declaring your love for him, you were surprised when he said that the appointment was going to be taking longer than expected. You thought that at the latest, he would be home at 3:30 but he ended up calling you, saying that the doctor was taking longer than he should have.

 It was nearly five o'clock and he still hadn’t come home, all you wanted was to see his face and to kiss him. You couldn’t help but worry when you had started to clean up the little mess you had made while making dinner. After you had put all the loose and dishes into the kitchen sink, you sat down at the dining table.

Your apartment had a small circular wooden table in the small dining room, it was on of the things that you loved about it. You loved the small details that were placed everywhere, from the mantel pieces to the frames with family pictures on the hallway walls. You fell in love with this place just like you fell in love with Peter, completely and all at once. Sure, you had been worrying about him every night that he was on patrol, but he was still here with you and you loved him for that.

You were knocked out of your thoughts by the living room door opening and shutting. You looked up to see Peter, a sad smile on his face, but a smile none the less. You quickly got up as he walked over to you and hugged him, pulling him closer than you would have ever before.

“I have cancer.” those were the first words to leave his mouth.

You were shocked to say the least, but you could tell that Peter was breaking, so you had to put on a strong face and walk him over to the living room, gently sitting down on the couch then pulling him down with you. Once he was all the way seated, you both sat in silence for a good thirty seconds before he collapsed onto your lap and started crying.

You whispered sweet nothings into his ear, carefully running your fingers through his hair until he fell asleep, tear staining his face and your torn heart. You couldn’t help but let the tears fall from your face as you realized that he wasn’t going to see your moment of weakness.

What happens if he dies? You’ll have to raise this child on your own, not only that but you’ll lose the one person who made you happy, the one person who took all the pain away.

That was the first night you dreamed of being a single parent.

  The next morning you were awoken to a soft whispering from the person you loved with your whole being. You didn’t open your eyes, but you listened to what he was saying, and what you heard broke your heart.

“I promise you little man, I’m gonna try to stay with you and your mommy for as long as I can, Great Grandpa Parker had the same thing, he didn’t make it, but I will. I’m gonna do this, for you because you deserve a dad. You deserve to be happy and I wanna be there to make sure you get it. Lung cancer isn’t gonna beat this Parker man, not if he has a little one to take care of.” He whispered to your stomach, making your heart eat at unusual rates.

 You had to fight the tears back, but they couldn’t stop. He was talking to your swollen belly, trying to promise the baby he was going to be there for him.

“Y/N, are you up baby?” he said brushing the hair out of your face. you softly opened your tear-filled eyes and started to take in the man that was hovering over you. His piercing brown eyes, soft smile, brown curly hair and his cute nose. You wanted to hold this memory forever, the moment he made the promise to live, that he wouldn’t leave. The first promise he made to your unborn child. “I hate to kill the awesome morning vibe, but I start chemo on Monday.”

  The month that followed was harsh, Peter was getting chemo treatments every day for the first week then every other day after that. It was a grueling task to ask of an eighteen-year-old boy but he was strong and was making it through. He stopped patrolling Queens because of how weak he felt.

You were now seven months along and trying to figure out how the hell you were going to raise this child and take care of your sick fiancé. He was trying to make it seem like he wasn’t hurting, but you knew better. You knew that he was getting worse, that it was only a matter of time before he passed on. You didn’t want to think about it, because every time you did, tear wielded up in your eyes and the stinging sensation returned to your stomach.

“Hey baby, could you help me really quick?” You hear your nerd’s voice say from across the apartment, he sounded like he was in the bedroom, but you waddled your way back there and didn’t see him anywhere.

“Peter?” you called out from him, but you were met with an awkward sound from across the hallway. The sound was coming from the nursery. As you tip toed that way, you realized that the door was propped open. you cautiously pushed the it open and saw a happy scene.

Peter was standing in from of a crib that he somehow put together without any assistance from you. He was holding a little lamb stuffed animal in his arms, you started to feel the tears in your eyes. This curly haired boy was doing everything you could have ever asked him to do, he was being caring, he was being sweet, and he was putting himself aside for your baby.

“You did this by yourself? When did you have time? I’ve literally been with you since you got home from the hospital.”

“Well Ned and MJ came over and did it for me, but I found this lamb from some of the stuff May gave me. It was my favorite toy until I was in kindergarten and I wanted my son to have it”

And for a moment everything was okay, but as you’ve probably heard before, nothing gold can stay.

  A few days later, you woke easily for the first time, you felt happy. I mean this wasn’t even something you’d have thought you could feel after all the horrible things that seemed to be happening to you left and right.

Your bed was warm, but the warmest thing was your heart. You opened your eyes to see Peter laying there with a smile on his face. His eyes were peacefully closed, so you knew he was asleep. You watched him closely, trying to take in every part of him that looked happy, because he did, look happy that was. His face was showing his true youth, not the stressed-out teen that was becoming a dad and had to act like an adult. You watched his chest raise and fall.

But it wasn’t, it wasn’t raising and falling. It was still, unmoving, lifeless even. You waited for seconds, minutes for his chest to move before you started to feel a nauseating feeling, you wanted to cry but for some reason you couldn’t. You felt numb to the entire world, but then again, your entire world was just taken from you. Your heart feel to your toes as it was smooched and cracked, trying to spare itself from the pain. But it was inevitable,

 Peter Parker, the love of your life, was taken from you. He had died.

 ~

 The funeral had come and gone, all of your friends were there. So many people said so many nice things, they talked about how much they loved Peter, how much he effected their lives. They even mentioned how much they loved and wanted to be there for you.

Within the following weeks, your baby was born. The best part was, it wasn’t a boy, it was a beautiful baby girl. She had brunette hair and beautiful brown eyes she also had Peter’s nose, everything he wanted in his daughter. She was a happy baby, constantly laughing and making you happy, but she reminded you of Peter with each growing day. But to be honest, you wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

You kept your promise to Peter, that you would name your child after his family to you did. You even asked his brother Ned to be the godfather of the beautiful baby girl.

Benny May Parker

You used his uncle’s name as well as his aunt’s name, hoping that as he watched over them, he would be proud of your choice in naming your daughter.

As time went on, you were happy, but you were never happy with anyone that wasn’t Benny or Peter, but you had your family, Aunt May and the guys. But it still wasn’t the same.

why you may be asking?

Because nothing good, pure, happy and sweet, can stay.

~~~~~

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[animated-moon]

Good morning my little lamb <3333 How was your sleep last night? (I hope you had very sweet dreams, preferably some involving me my prince~)

I absolutely loved LOVED your cookies my sweets, most especially because you made them <333 ( I would be very concerned if there wasn't any love in them my brilliant confectioner-🤨)

Oh? You can do math amazingly now my lovely? Not that I have doubts in your capabilities, but this is great news! I happen to be quite good at math and can perhaps test you with included rewards for getting information right <33 As for the art report, say less I have drafted a report that I think will be splendid for you my love!

Excellent! I was hoping we could visit him next week to loving annoy him together my moon! (I would also not be surprised if Semi-Semi somehow found out about this operation, if he joins its cause he snooped through my phone :( ) And his face will definitely get smashed in cake with nothing happening to you since I will be there <333! Oh and he has also been asking about you because he worries that you are overworking and not taking care of yourself (which I am hoping is not true, otherwise I'll just have to tuck you in every night <3333)

My week has been pretty boring overall! Last week I has assessments every single day and am crossing my fingers I did well on all of them (Not because anyone will kill me but because it would be very annoying if my studying doesn't show my tendou <333) Don't worry though, I am definitely planning a surprise visit today to make sure you are stocked with my baked good and daily affection <333!

I love you the absolute most in the known universes my paradise, and I will see you soon to wake you up!💜💜💜

MY DEAR SATORI :((( it’s been so so long and i’m so sorry for that! school has been really beating me up and then hanging me out to dry 😭 AND I COME BACK TO SEE YOU CALLING ME YOUR P.. PRINCEBDUABSOANZOANSKN⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ who.. WHO TOLD U AB THAT..?.$-!:9/!,@/‘s WHO TOLD U I 🧍 nevermind im not gonna say it 😒

you bet your hair that i poured all my love and affection into those cookies babe 😞 anything for you 💓

⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️ LOVE ☹️ you are Making Me Soft stop :(( but we may have to move all of our dates to zoom instead.. since i 🗿 i kind of caught covid <33 BUT I PROMISE IM PERFECTLY ALRIGHT !! throat just hurts a little and i sound like an old man w lung cancer,, but that’s alright 💪 AND I PROMISE IM NOT OVERWORKING MYSELF !! quite the opposite, actually. i’ve started taking care of myself more and allowed myself to do things i really enjoy <3 (THOUGH I WOULDNT MIND YOU TUCKING ME INTO BED EVERY NIGHT >:)))) and of course!! we shall visit the man right after i recover 💪😋 hopefully he’s missed me lots hehe <3

AND YES I GET IT BABE :( it just makes you feel a little iffy and worthless, and possibly very horrible about yourself for the next few days </3 we could study together sometime !! though i’d most likely be focusing on my art things for most the time <3 i’ll probably end up drawing you >:)

i love you too my tendo :(((((((( thank u so so much for checking up on me my raincloud :(