#me and my old man gender euphoria

[hetchdrive]

Constantly torn between wanting to post a selfie on here because my facial hair is starting to come in and not wanting anybody to see me for a couple years until I am done cooking because I'll be hot as fuck

[askfordoodles]

btw, I play as a non-binary Rook, so I made sure to unlock the extra dialogue options (defining Rook's relationship with their own gender, i.e. I like what I see, not quite but I'm getting there, etc.) via Varric's hand mirror.

When first expressing interest in Emmrich, I had the option to ask him if he was okay with the whole... not being a man or woman thing; it felt very sweet and relatably awkward/shy, cuz my Rook's clearly smitten already and cares about what he thinks. 👉👈

Emmrich just says it's not at all a problem, in fact there's something quite attractive about someone who's truly found themselves and knows who they are. (paraphrased, I don't remember the exact words)

I just thought I'd share that tidbit, because I don't see many discuss the nb-dialogue options. I just felt so validated by my crush ☺️

Did come in handy during Taash's storyline, too, as I was basically and older queer mentor to them, with my own lived experiences.

Honestly, I just love that the game gives you the option of either ignoring it like it's the most normalized thing, or to have it part of your narrative if you so choose.

[mrsmarlasinger]

Cis femme she/her lesbian but in a stoner dudebro frat boy loser kind of way

[steakout-05]

i think having TF2 as a special interest really early in my childhood influenced so many things about myself and my identity.... my gender is big men my sexuality is big men and my sense of humour is big men. i even named myself after the "very tiny and scrawny but still big" big man and i think about all the big men in TF2 on a semi daily basis,,,,,, anyway yeah i like the men in TF2 :)

[autistic-katara]

my friend just sent me this photo of me from when i was 7/almost 8 and damn i looked masc as fuck

[swordsonnet]

my neighbour thought i was a boy, so i'll be riding that high for the rest of the day thanks

[gentleroads]

it's happening again. i'm only just now preparing myself for the Baxter launch last minute, on brand, & consequently getting emotional over all the Cove promo images from years ago. i can never look too long at this boy w/o tearing up, it's so unlike me 💀 maybe it's partly due to the fact that i've never found a game i cared for more than OLBA .. even barely talking abt it makes me feel awfully exposed. like an affection that's just too big for words, so i can only stay silent. i have nothing to do with the game yet it's still so personal to me. i'm in love but i can't tell anyone. & now Baxter, who is like the one & only character i've ever found myself so closely relating to in my entire life, my kin!, is coming home tomorrow(!!!) & i can barely think thru the fuzz. he's closing up the game series that mean so much to me. i couldn't dream of a better ending :)))

[get-more-bald]

So i was just reading some transition website for shits and giggles trying to imagine what I'd think if i didn't know... But holy shit this got me tearing up. Yeah. Yeah. This is who I am. There exist people like me, of my nationality, close to me. Fuck.

[tkbrokkoli]

delights and horrors at the grocery store

[officialspec]

can you pleeeeease post your dm sexuality/gender hcs on here.... 🥺 i don't have a twitter but i wanna know. it's like a pandora's box to me now i'm like scratching at the door. let me in

heres the link 2 the thread (mild spoilers btw) ill post a transcript under the cut for ppl who dont have twitter

first off i think laios relationship to sex is super removed for like 50 reasons without even getting into his actual sexuality

he grew up in a place with very repressed ideas about sex and has a lot of fear about asserting his presence in situations

his special interest takes precedent over any social interactions he has and the level of closeness he feels towards people

he has a hard time figuring out his feelings towards other people both bc hes autistic and bc he has freaky deviantart fetishes that make sex in his mind a very abstract concept <- this one is me projecting mostly

that aside, i feel like gender-wise hes attracted to ppl so infrequently it may as well be entirely case-by-case

the idea of him being gay appeals to me from the 'raised with traditional values he Does Not fit into/hasnt begun to question it yet' perspective, i lauve characters who put a lot of stock into performing a role thats expected of them and fail miserably for unknown (gay) reasons

from his perspective tho i dont think he would ever really label himself anything. hes going to pride parades in the shirt+shorts Ally Fit to clap for his friends

hes also 'cis by indifference' imo... i love tmasc laios hcs it just doesnt mesh w his personal history to me. i do think hes got some kind of therian gender thing going on (not trans or nb but a secret third thing) but i cant see him changing anything abt his appearance/pronouns to accommodate that post-canon. hes just doin his thang

falin is in a similar boat for gender. i LOOVE tfem falin but the village repression thing has been bugging at me so i dont think i subscribe to it anymore (canon purist sorry) BUT if u hold that hc i am clapping and cheering regardless

instead i was propagandised to a while back and i LOVEEE the idea that being fused w a male dragon and the residual traits she has after being revived have given her a type of gender euphoria she didnt realise she was missing. a little boygirl swagger if u will

sexuality-wise i also dont think she would care to label herself, shes a lesbian by virtue of only being interested in One woman and zero other people. without marcille i do think shes still exclusively attracted to women, and i like to imagine she might experiment around a bit during her travels post-canon (pre-relationship). hearing abt it might put marcille on the news though

marcille is very simple That is a transfem lesbian. she cant get pregnant, shes obsessed w being femme and all that combined w her half-tallman struggles to be seen as 'properly feminine' by elf standards reads very transfeminine to Me. also her bookboy crush REEKS of comphet its not subtle

i think a more comfortable marcy might have the space to experiment w being elf butch like her manga boys but thats mainly self indulgence for me. utena could have saved her

senshi is gay his whole thing is abt not being able to perform dwarven masculinity to a proper standard (soft hearted, not as strong or rugged as his peers) which is like gaycoding 101. also hes a bear. homosexuality be damned by boy can work a grill

adding onto this i rly think senshi got some type of euphoria from being an elf in the changeling chapters. he was feeling himself so much i think he was using it as an outlet to have fun being a little fem and fruity without needing to justify it. do u understand

i dont have any particular opinions abt him gender-wise beyond that. his bulge is an essential part of his character design but i also saw a transmasc senshi a couple days ago that made me nod my head thoughtfully so i could go either way

chilchuck is cis and bisexual this is just canon. not even just his old man crush on senshi altho i do think thats very funny but they put his ass on a cover themed like hes in a dating sim with all the men and women in the cast and then slapped it in front of a chapter called "bicorn". i simply cant pass up that kind of overt signaling. its so fucking funny what else is there to say truly

izu to ME is a transmasc aroace lesbian (this one has the least basis in canon i just know it to be true) shes a little genderfluid with it nd uses he/she i think. i like to imagine she consistently uses masculine personal pronouns to refer to herself either way tho (boku, ore)

i think izutsumis gender/sexuality is entirely secondary in priorities to her body dysphoria. she has a lot of learning and acceptance 2 do before that kind of self discovery is on the docket and in my mind eschewing gender on some level is part of that. get sillay

shuro is cishet but at least he feels bad about it. next listen listen to me i dont think he would ever actually examine this but i need u to put on ur tin foil hat with me for one second. i think estrogen could have saved her. i have more thoughts on this but im not gonna propagandise too much on this post just know that im right

kabru is a transmasc bisexual this is also practically text. his whole thing of being treated like a doll by milsiril to put in pretty dresses, plus i think it would be pretty easy for him to stealth in the west since tallmen are seen as inherently more masculine than elves

(i also think changing genders is just more common for elves. theyre androgynous enough that it wouldnt be hard and like who in their right miiiiind would be the same gender for 500 years. dwarves too)

i think he started presenting as male socially in the west but didnt need to consider medical transition until he moved to a more mixed culture where other races might see him as a woman

i dont have to explain the bisexual part. have u seen him

namari is a butch bisexual this is just canon straight up. shes not transmasc but i think the default settings for dwarven women is like 4 years of T regardless. shes a hit at all the local cruising spots despite her renfaire nerdisms i know this

and just bc im thinking abt em kiki and kaka are identical and kiki is tfem :} theyre both attracted to women but kaka is a sub so i forgive him

THATS ALL 4 NOW theres a lot of characters so i cant have thoughts abt all of them at once but i hope this was good. im right about everything forever as per usual

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

June 30th

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1. Ok this might be a shot in the dark. But do you know of a fic where basically it’s an arranged marriage (kind of) between lan zhan and trans (ftm) wei ying. It believe it is based on a reddit thread of a gay guy who got into an arranged marriage with a woman, but they actually are a trans man. Anyways…the reddit posts are deleted by now. But I remember reading this fic a couple years back and I can’t find it anywhere. Either it’s been deleted or hopefully someone else is able to find it 😭

FOUND? Lift Us Where Suffering Cannot Reach by Khashana (T, 8k, WangXian, Modern, Arranged Marriage, Marriage of Convenience, fake married, Sort Of, Rule 63, Trans Woman WWX, Partial Cisswap, implied background/societal homo/transphobia, But nothing overt, background LXC/Qin Su also in a marriage of convenience way, gender euphoria, the mortifying ordeal of falling in love with your spouse, based on that one reddit post, Light Angst, Light Pining, this fic is soft mostly) I think #1 might be this one, although wwx is a trans woman in it (it's a wlw wangxian AU) rather than a trans man

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2. Hi!! I cant remember if I already sent this or just thought really hard about it 😪 Im looking for a modern AU fic where WWX is dx'd ADHD and he and LWJ slowly start a relationship. The scene I remember most clearly is there being fireworks and it send LWJ into a meltdown. Ether just before or after the meltdown he found out LXC and LQR have been trying to get him diagnosed with Autism.

Xiao Xingchen is an adult psych who specalizes in neurodivergence iirc, and WWX helps make LWJ feel more okay w possibly being neurodiverse by talking about his experience w ADHD and Xiao Xingchen.

🙇‍♀️ thank you! @la-voce-to-me

FOUND! together, we're just enough by lulu_kitty (E, 134k, WangXian, Modern AU, Bartender LWJ, single dad wwx, Kid fic (sort of), Excessive Fluff, Yearning, neurodivergent wangxian, canonical parental issues, lwj in jewelry, accidental sugar gege wwx, Bottom LWJ, Service Top WWX, Bisexual WWX, Rich WWX, a-yuan is a wei but still also a wen, wwx is a-yuan's biological baba, Older WWX, Younger LWJ, Slow-ish burn, Light Dom/sub, Brief LWJ/Others, Past WWX/Other(s)) sounds a lot like the happenings in chapter 8!

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3. hey admins! i'm looking for a fic where wwx is from the modern world back and somehow goes back in time to the cloud recesses and spends some time there, and towards the end of the fic lwj goes back to the modern with wwx. (i also remember that wwx and lwj goes back and forth often visiting each others home) thanks! <3

FOUND? Wrong Turn, Right Place by diamondbruise (E, 71k, WangXian, Time Travel, kind of, it’s more reality travel but there’s modern wwx and cultivator lwj, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Cultural Differences)

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4. This for fic finder. Its an old fic. Modern au focused on junior quartet. I dont know if the fic is several fic or in one fic. Junior quartet is in a club where they make a magazine (sorry i forgot the word both in my language and in english). They have an access to a school forum. LJY found an old forum talking about wangxian. Like the people in that forum failed to make wangxian happen in the past. If i remember correctly, they tried to matchmake wangxian. They ask LWJ to accompany them to yunmeng. In yunmeng, there are big festival happened there and they meet the jiang family in second floor of the restaurant to watch the festival from there. I think the jiangs is a respectable family that many people know them. So long story short, they manage to matchmake wangxian. I dont know if LJY release the news to that old forum or someone did. Just that LJY have an inkling the account that helped them is NHS. I dont know if this is important but LJY username has connection to chicken. I think thats all. Thank you @idontknowwhattowriteforusername

FOUND! Operation Old Men by Chiharu (Not Rated, 37k, WangXIan, JL & LSZ & LJY, JYL/JZX, Modern, Boarding School, Single Parents, Everyone Is Alive, Matchmaking, Family Dynamics, Hospitals, Meet the Family, Family Vacation, Weddings, School Reunion, Happy Ending)

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5. this for ficfinder! i need help looking for a time travel fic wherein established wangxian travel back to their teen years. iirc wwx and lwj writes to each other in secret and wwx invents talismans to give to the jiang sect so that he can repay his debts and leave the clan when he is at a certain age. lwj also leaves (??). i think they become rogue cultivators tgt. im pretty sure i have this downloaded but i cant find it from hundreds of fics bc i cant rmbr the name 😭

FOUND! Trials of Time by Muggle_Diary (E, 32k, wangxian, major character death, underage, time travel, not jiang friendly, not YZY friendly, not JC friendly, butterfly effect)

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6. Hello!! So i think the fic got deleted but all i can remember was wangxian had mythical creature eggs? Like they had a dragon,tiger,snake&turqoise and phoenix and they can talk telepathically at first then they can shift to humans later on!Thank you again so much!!!!

FOUND? For #6 with telepathic creatures, I haven't read the fic, but could it be that magical marriage ribbons series?

FOUND? #6 is My Immortal. I can't do the link on I'm my phone. It has the mythical beasts.

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7. Hii, I'm looking for a fic in which lan zhan goes to a party with lan xichen and then keeps going to the same house where the party is at many times and hangs out with wei ying on the basement sofa

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8. hii!! i recently read a fanfic where wei wuxian can't sleep because he gets horrible nightmares, there's one particular scene where the juniors are practically dragging him into cloud recesses, and he's falling asleep whilst walking and they meet with Lan wangji. if you could help me find it, that would be super great !! @spaaarkie

FOUND? hunters seeking solid ground by Attila (E, 23k, wangxian, Canon Compliant, discussion of canon character death, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Getting Together, Yearning, Literal Sleeping Together, Really Excessive Amounts of Hurt/Comfort)

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9. I thought I had subscribed to this fic but I guess not... Looking for a WIP in which WWX is ambushed in Yiling, but he has A-Yuan with him so he's extra desperate in trying to fight the attackers off. There might be fire involved? Either the title, the description or the tags have some reference to "hysterical strength" (maybe! not 100% sure about that one!). Thank you. 🖤❤️ @linderel

FOUND! Hysterical Strength by covalentbonds (Not rated, 3k, WangXian, WIP, Canon Divergence, Inspired by a Bollywood movie scene, Everyone Lives/Nobody dies, Parent WWX)

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10. hi!! i'm looking for a fic i read about a year ago(?) on ao3, where during the cloud recesses study arc (i think?) lqr and the other teachers notice that wwx's basic education is lacking and wwx says it's because yzy doesn't let him join jc's lessons because wwx is supposed to be a right hand man and his education is therefore less important, so the lan elders and scholars all team up to give him remedial lessons; i think there's also a part where they build a case against the jiang sect because the sect scholars failed their responsibility to teach their disciples equally. the fic holding shreds by barisan reminds me of it a little bit, but instead of yzy's physical abuse of wwx the one i'm looking for is all about the emotional abuse and education inequality

FOUND?🔒💖 Hoards and treasures by apathyinreverie (T, 21k, WangXian, Siblings, Family, not particularly Jiang friendly, YZY Bashing, slightly darker Gusu Lans, LXC being the best brother, Some manipulation, But with the best of intentions, and not between wangxian, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX, Smitten LWJ, Fluff, perfect happiness, adorable WWX, Romance, Some worldbuilding, courting) in this one, Xichen is speculating that WWXs education was stunted, especially in sect etiquette, deliberately by mme yu.

FOUND?🔒 in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie (cl410) (T, 56k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, cloud recesses, NHS & LWJ friendship, developing relationship, LWJ pov, minor injuries, autistic LWJ, implied/referenced child abuse, aka YZY warning, genius WWX, light angst, hurt/comfort, WWX protection squad) in this one the lan sect does the scholar case thing where they accuse jiang sect of failing their duties by neglecting to educate wei ying.

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11. hi, i'm looking for a fic which i found on twitter but im sure links to AO3 — basically everyone in the universe is some sort of animal (wwx is a fox, lwj is a dragon?) and they're classified by their mating cycles (whether they mate for life or seasonally). wwx and lwj gets engaged but lwj calls it off as wwx is a fox and therefore mates seasonally vs his for-life situation. wwx gets sad about it and then they find out wwx actually can mate for life! i used to find it easily before but for some reason no matter what i search, it just won't come up and i don't think i was logged into ao3 at the time i read it either. hope someone remembers it as well, thanks!

FOUND? what you have tamed by lianhua_lianzi, Senforza (E, 94k, WangXian, Animal Traits, misunderstandings, Courting Rituals, Pining, Lan family dynamics, Drama, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Arranged Marriage, Wangxian break up but get back together, Eventual Happy Ending, Implied Mpreg, Unresolved Sexual Tension, unintentional and eventually resolved “gaslighting”, Dragon LWJ, Fox WWX)

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12. Hi I’m trying to find a fic where jiang Cheng is being forced to get married/find an heir. I remember that a member of YunmengJiang approached him with a list of members of the sect that would leave if he didn’t get an heir. I think it was mentioned that people were okay with him not having getting married since they assumed Jin Ling would inherit and Jin Guangyao would have another child but once his crimes were revealed they started to pressure him.

I know it wasn’t a Jiang cheng/lan Xichen or jiang cheng/nie Huaisang

FOUND? Karma by such_stuff_as_dreams_are_made_on (Not Rated, 2k, JC & OCs, Post-Canon, Arranged Marriage, Light Angst, Minor WangXian, Not JC Friendly)

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13. I’m trying to find this fic where Wei Ying is looking for spouse for some reason and he starts asking everyone in Cloud Recesses but Lan Zhan even ask LXC to be his partner right in front of LWJ

If you have an idea about what I’m talking about thank you!!

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14. so theres this fic in which jiang cheng and wei wuxian sit in a boat in jiang cheng's memories and wei wuxian sings a song that he altered slightly. im pretty sure it was a reconcilliation fic but im not sure but jc was a bit emotional. i can't find it, please help!

related to the previous ask, what i described is also only a scene from that fic and probably not what the entire fic is about. i only remember that one scene. @theartisticdoofus

FOUND? sing to the clouds in summerby stiltonbasket (G, 28k, JC & WWX, JC & JL, wangxian, JL & LSZ & LJY & OYZZ, 13k words of JC figuring out that LSZ is his nephew, ft. LXC and NHS the overprotective uncles, and LWJ giving JC death glares, Family Secrets, Reconciliation, Sad JC, Uncle-Nephew Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Podfic Available) the song is in chapter 4

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15. Dear FicFinder Team, here I am again with only vibes and one scene. It was a WIP CQL post-canon fic, set during WWX's wanderings. At some point he exorcises a ghost in a tower (not one of the watchtower fics tho) and the last scene was WWX on his way back, kneeling in the grass to make offerings to his shijie and finally letting himself cry about her death. Maybe there were food descriptions too, I read this very early on and cannot find it in my history. It was exquisitely written too. @kinoumenthe

FOUND! the earth remembered me by remux (T, 30k, WIP, WangXian, POV WWX, Post-Canon, Emotional Edging, Letters, emotional support strangers, Original Character(s), lwj's quiet devotion)

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16. Do you know the name for a fic where WWX is invisible (for some reason) and is in LWJ room (for some reason) and WWX watches LWJ hump a pillow but then LWJ notices that someone is in the room with him yada yada they have sex i forget when it gets revealed that it’s WWX

NOT FOUND! Mak Siccar by therealandraste (E, 20k, WangXian, Case Fic, Post-Canon, Misunderstandings, Pining, Happy Ending, Paperman smut - only god can judge me, Original Character Death(s)) the details don't exactly fit but

FOUND! Clinomania by malkinmalkout (E, 6k, WangXian, Voyeurism, Masturbation, Somnophilia, misuse of talismans, PWP, Riding, Oral Sex, binding, Happy Ending, canon typical non-con)

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17. hello I'm looking for this twitter threadfic written by cerbykerby where wwx is a mermaid captured and brought in for studying by scientist lwj and others, and they eventually become mates. i've tried looking through their account for it but the fic is old and the search is way too far down, and i can't find the full fic. pls help out thanks!

FOUND? this is the unrolled threadfic by cerbykerby, I think

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18. Hi! First time requesting something like this, but I really need help finding this one fanfic. It’s a incomplete wangxian fanfic and the summary of what I remember was that when WWX wakes up in MXY’s body after thirteen years, people are actually praising YL WWX because somehow (I cant remember how) the truth behind his actions and why he did what he did in the first place. JC faces some hate from the cultivation world, JL doesn’t hate WWX, and LWJ is extremely protective of WWX. Hope all this information helps!!! @nikki-g-m

Could #18 be that fic where a painter/theater guy did an interview with drunk wwx during the burial mounds arc and then it got published after his death so that when he resurrects its's all settled already (?). I dont remember the name either but maybe someone else will

FOUND? 💖 The Ballad of Hanguang-Jun and The Yiling Patriarch by Theladyofravenclaw (T, 40k, WangXian, ChengQing, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Burial Mounds Arc, Canon Divergence, Fix-It of Sorts, Humor, musical theater?, Misunderstandings, POV Outsider, Crack treated seriously) The commenter on 18 was thinking of The ballad of Hanguang-jun and the Yiling Patriarch, though idk if this is the fic OP wants

FOUND? i think its deleted? Have You Heard Of The Yiling Patriach by R_PONTS

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19. literally just reading a random wangxian fic when I I remembered this one fic I read a while ago. I can’t really remember a lot of details but from what I remember Wei ying is the cloud recess for whatever reason and he get the silencing spell out on him and he panicked and starts scratching and clawing at his throat and everybody’s watching horrified like please y’all help me remember 😭 @saintzx

FOUND?🔒 The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 56k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, WIP, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Time Travel Fix-It, Not JC Friendly, Not Yunmeng Jiang Sect Friendly, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, Not YZY Friendly, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, JGS is his own warning, Wooing, LWJ is romantic af, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gusu Lan Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WWX Protection Squad) The clawing is because he's desperate to defend JC against LQR's (rightful) admonishing, after JYL told him he should've tried harder after being silenced on a previous occasion defending JC

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20. Hello

Love your blog!

A) I'm looking for a fic where wwx was raised by WRH, but it is introduced with him being the one to raze Cloud Recess and starting ti flirt with a prisoner LWJ who's very much " bro, wtf" in his inner monologue.

He's bff w Xye Yang and at one point thinks of doing lwj favors

B) Modern au where wwx and lwj had been married, adopted LSZ and then divorced due to someone either framing wwx or LWJs fam pressuring him to it. Wwx still has visitation rights and all, and at one point lwj buys them a house as an apology, but wwx is less than cash money above it, bcs lwj didn't truly fix the mistrust or whatever the reason for their breakup was @midnightlighthowlite

20B)

FOUND? 🔒 Life as a House by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (T, 55k, WangXian, Modern AU, Corporate Espionage, Post-Divorce, Father-Son Relationship, Reconciliation, Therapy)

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21. Hello there, I’m not sure if this is a fic finder or an in the mood for, because I’m looking for a fic and more like that.

So you know how theres this TikTok Sound of someone called Nick who asks for the WLAN Password and its I Love You Nick and Nick is in a lot of denial about being lovers even though their anniversary is coming up?

I found a fic that was basically WY and LZ in a relationship, and WY/LZ (but more likely WY) didn’t realise that they were anything more than friends, and it was very funny.

More comedic than anything else. But I cannot for the life of me find it, and everytime I try and search for it, only the sad version shows up.

Please send help, I need to read this fluff….I crave it. @desperation-is-my-middle-name

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[nonbinarycollector]

ID: The sunne transfem flag. It has five stripes: orange, peach, white, blue, indigo. The white stripe is thinner. The outline of a deep orange sun is in the center. The second image is the same, but without the sun. End ID sunne transfem - describes being transfeminine and feeling alienated from the common experience or notion of what it is to be transfem sunne - from old english & old germanic "sun", sunne is feminine. in the west the sun is associated with masculinity, so using an often masculine figure in its feminine form helps to illustrate the conflicting experience i have in being transfem orange - community peach - aligned with being a girl/woman white - unique relationship to transfemininity blue - masculinity/neutrality indigo - non-conformity i made this term to describe my experience, but anyone is welcome to use this or anything else on this post! for me, ive felt a sense of alienation from still enjoying masculinity and masculine presentation, and having a difficult time relating to whats expected to give you euphoria/how youre "meant" to enjoy being a girl. i cant detach this from my experience of transfemininity, and what being a girl feels like for me this encompasses ALL AND ANY reasons one may feel alienated! so its okay if your reason isnt the same as mine. i decided to make a few more flags too :)

ID: The mōna transmasc flag. It has five stripes: grayish blue, light blue, white, pink, magenta. The white stripe is thinner. A deep blue crescent moon is in the center. The second image is the same, but without the moon. End ID mōna transmasc - describes being transmasculine and feeling alienated from the common experience or notion of what it is to be transmasc mōna - old english "moon", mōna is masculine. in the west, the moon is associated with femininity. the contradiction is meant to match with sunne grayish blue - community blue - aligned with being a boy/man white - unique relationship to transmasculinity pink - femininity/neutrality magenta - non-conformity

ID: The eclīpsis nonbinary flag. It has five stripes: Dark brown, gray, white, lavender, indigo. The white stripe is thinner. The outline of a deep orange sun, eclipsed by a blue moon, is in the center. The second image is the same, but without the eclipse. End ID eclīpsis nonbinary - describes being nonbinary and feeling alienated from the common experience or notion of what it is to be nonbinary eclīpsis - latin "eclipse". i picked eclīpsis to match with sunne and mōna, but i also think an eclipse being a combination of two gendered figures is fitting for the idea of going against expectation brown - community gray - aligned with being enby/nonbinary white - unique relationship to being nonbinary lavender - femininity/masculinity indigo - non-conformity

[whowantslovergirl]

You Stupid Bitch

Maddy Perez x reader (gender not specified)

warnings: cursing its euphoria yk, nate jacobs the homophobic gay woman beater, talks about the abuse, reader being an awesome person, somewhat happy ending, and yea! don't forget to smile!! ^ this means start the song 💋

euphoria masterlist

Summary: Maddy can't see that the perfect one for her is Y/N

posted: January 27,2024

Almost everyone knows how toxic Maddy and Nate is. If you don't know anything about their relationship you basically live under a rock.

The person who knew the most was Y/n a timid person but with a loud personality that's why Maddy and them got along so well.

It even got to the point where everyone thought they were a couple and only Y/n wishes for such a thing.

Because they and everyone else believes they are perfect for Maddy.

Except Maddy. ^

You let the wrong people love you

But you don't see that, do you?

When you cry and need my comfort

I drop everything to come over

Nate fucked up again and Maddy is paying for it again.

They were in her room making out and her phone kept ringing. It was this guy that was like obsessed with Maddy.

Nate saw it, got angry, threw stuff like the man he is, Maddy started crying, Nate didn't care, and blah blah blah. He left and Maddy is still crying and immediately texted you.

You were doing homework and a project at the same time when you got a text.

Maddy <3

can u please come over need ur comfort again??

You immediately went to her house.

The homework and project is due next week anyway.

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth

Just count to ten and try to breathe

You stupid bitch, can't you see

the perfect one for you is me?

You were over at Maddys again trying to her calm down. "He's such a cunt Y/n! I did nothing fucking wrong!" You were quick to agree and still trying to get her to calm down.

"Just count to ten and try to breathe babe." You call everyone babe so of course Maddy isn't gonna find anything weird with the nickname.

She slowly started to calm down. "Thanks Y/n I can always count on you. You're literally my soulmate." She smiled and pulled you into a hug.

If only she said that out of a romantic love instead of a platonic one.

Maddy is your soulmate.

But she's too fucking dumb to see that.

"Anything for you Mads."

The perfect one for you is me

The perfect one for you is me

You stupid bitch, can't you see

the perfect one for you is me?

You and Maddy were taking a walk around the block. An old couple was walking the opposite way and they saw you guys.

"Oh well you guys are the most beautiful young couple l've ever seen!" The old lady says with a smile.

Before you correct her Maddy was a little too quick to jump to the opportunity.

"Oh we're not together I have a boyfriend." Yea for two more days, is what you wanted to say but the old lady just apologized and said

"Well I can tell the one you have now is not the one."

Literally everyone knows it but her.

You don't know what you deserve

And that's why you end up hurt

But you never listen

Take my advice as criticism

"Maddy he doesn't deserve you!" You and Maddy were arguing over the fact that Nate is a piece of shit. You think she doesn’t deserve to be treated like a piece of plastic but she believes that he’s just broken and needs someone to help him.

“You don’t known him Y/n! He needs someone to help him!”

“Yeah a fucking therapist! You shouldn’t have to pay for his actions Mads!” She just shook her head. “He treats you like shit! Every time something happens he storms off like a fucking bitch. He doesn’t care about you, Maddy. He just knows you will never leave him.”

“He does care Y/n! He’ll kill for me and I’ll kill for him. You just don’t know what true love looks like because you’ve been treated like shit in all of your relationships!” You knew she didn’t mean that so you just brushed it off.

“You don’t know what you deserve Maddy and when he puts his hands on you, which he will, don’t come crying to me!” You stormed out of her room and she heard the door slam and immediately started crying.

Her mom, who heard the whole thing. Just stared at her. Maddy looked up wondering why her own mother is not comforting her.

“Tienen razón Maddy. Puede parecer amor verdadero, pero es todo menos eso y muy pronto lo verás tal como es.”

(They are right Maddy. It may feel like true love but it’s anything but that and you will see him for who he truly is very soon.)

Then make the worst decisions

She went back to him but you weren’t surprised in any way. She can be stupid if she wants, you stopped caring.

You saw her the Monday after the fair and you guys made eye contact and she looked pale and very tired. She was also dressed in a turtleneck, since when did she wear a turtleneck in hot weather. Then it hit you.

‘I knew it, he fucking choked her.’

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth

Just count to ten and try to breathe

You stupid bitch, can't you see

The perfect one for you is me?

When you see Maddie having a breakdown in the cafeteria and only Cassie comforting her at school you can tell she needs you. Really bad.

So you go over and just sit down and hug her. No questions asked. And she gladly accepted the hug and just cried into your shoulder.

“It’s alright Mads.”

The perfect one for you is me

The perfect one for you is me

You stupid bitch, can't you see

The perfect one for you is me?

After Maddy had your comfort. She’s been on you like crazy. Trying to kiss you and all. You thought this is what you wanted but not like this. Not after Nate.

“Maddy please. Just chill out.” You said trying to pull her arms off you. and she’s still trying to kiss you and hug you.

“You know your the best ever right? Even better than Nate.”

This is fucking bullshit.

Don't bite your lip or grit your teeth

Just count to ten and try to breathe

You stupid bitch, can't you see

The perfect one for you is me?

Another shitshow with Nate and Maddy. You’re honestly sick of this shit.

You gotta tell her how you feel.

_____

“Maddy I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what?”

“You know what Maddy! This fucking hot and cold shit. I’m done being the therapist.”

“If it was that serious why did you keep doing it?!”

“Because I was in love with you Maddy! I was fucking in love. But now I’m not so?!”

“What do you mean you’re not?”

“I mean I’m not Maddy. Bye.” You walked out and just left her.

You never felt so fucking free.

The perfect one for you is me

The perfect one for you is me

You stupid bitch, can't you see

She just couldn’t see you were perfect for her and will continue to get hurt. But you’re okay with that.

The perfect one for you is me?

An: GOT MY SHIT CHECKED but the spacing looks weird so I don’t know how to fix tht BUT HOPE YOU ENJOYED

[coyoteprince]

Some thoughts on the masculine side of my gender experience and how it ties into vulnerability

I am nonbinary, I believe some flavor of fluid, but I just read as a goth cis woman to the layperson. That's fine and good, there is a safety and privilege in being stealth even with the alternative way I dress, but there also feels like a safe with something precious I keep locked away in me.

I take comfort in referring to myself as a "woman with a man's personality" and likening myself to a kelpie or nymph: beautiful, soft, but merely a vision of a woman: in reality underneath the gossamer, a beast that fails man's words.

Occasionally, something stirs to life in me, similar but different: those feelings of masculinity. I am naturally positioned by my genes (I can grow a shitty sparse beard) and temperament to have some secondary features- but thats it.

And yet, when the pangs of longing ache, they come on suddenly and harsh and I feel trapped.

There is nothing I can truly do to feel comfortable with the swing of identity. Only shapeshifiting back and forth could satisfy me which is impossible. Yes, I could seek hormones or surgery, but I have decided for now to not for a variety of reasons. As part of that, I've always been rather... defensive and secretive about the masculine part of my identity. I have a secondary masculine name I only allow people I trust to call me, and this dumb tumblr post is the first time I'm admitting some rather personal things to the public eye.

I'm well aware today many won't respect the nature of my gender just because I am a ~nonbinary girl~ and not seeking permanent transition, but even before that the thought of being trans was too much for me.

The first time I realized I was trans I wasn't older than 15 and noticed the thoughts I was experiencing about wanting to feel like a boy. It frightened me so bad that I vowed to never give it attention again specifically because I already knew I was queer, mentally different, being abused, and "didn't need another target on my back". Haha. Hahaha

Ignoring those thoughts hasn't been too hard except when I see the ghost of my identity. Then it is overwhelming, like a wave crashing over me and threatening to sweep me into the tide. Painful and exhilarating all at once. Before I know it, it's gone again.

I read and watched The Outsiders in middleschool, as did many. I latched onto Johnny, a greaser kid with an abusive family who tried to play tough but was really just an incredibly scared, sweet runt. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why I identified so hard with him but hindsight is 20/20. Despite the hamminess of Outsiders, I continue to hold a fondness.

Later, when I became comfortable with my nonbinary ID (something that was quite difficult for me) and an adult, I saw another ghost. A theme now set: soft hearted greasers. The first time I heard this I curled up and couldn't stop replaying it even though it made my chest ache.

Finally, the last ghost I've seen and what really made it all click for me was Izzy.

I was neutral of Izzy for the first season (sorry my old man fucker peers), but seeing him become disabled and starting to soften made me intrigued. Then, the drag scene and him singing: I yelped in excitement, bewilderment, and bawled like never before. It was the most intense gender euphoria I've ever felt. Izzy shot to the top of my favorite characters ever in an instant with all he grew to embody.

I guess I identify with boys clad in leather, forced to become rugged in all the wrong ways. Underneath, a natural softness terrified but desperate to show itself.

You can see this in Waite, too: A handsome, dark man who is oh so soft underneath. It's no secret that in my story over time he accepts his nonbinary identity and allows his truth to be seen framed by carnations and frill. Perhaps he is what I wish I was.

On the other hand, Degare is somewhat closer to my reality. A gender all his own, effeminant masculine mannerisms, fairly feminine dress, breasts and vagina and all- though he is still often more masculine than how I present. In contrast to Waite's uneasy fear of judgement, he tries to guard his natural softness rather aggressively out of fear of being taken advantage of.

I'm sure to many reading this I sound like a transmasc "egg" that hasn't cracked yet. To others, very mentally ill. Maybe to some who are fluid, they know the wish-washy feelings.

Either way, I'm a proud freak and I've worked hard to not allow others to hold power over how I view myself anymore. These past 4 years through a cocktail of treatments (though meditation and practice have been the biggest game changers) I've diligently learned how to balance being openly loving to all and authentic- yet protecting my energy and staying sure of my identity no matter another's opinion. Misery loves company and bitter, paranoid gossips and I no longer get along.

Softness, kindness, vulnerability for others and yourself are all difficult, at times seemingly impossible things to achieve when you come from a harsh upbringing and live in a world bombarded by bad news. Change in your view and behavior is excrusiating. But I believe striving for authenticity and love is the most important thing we can do as humans in this life.

Whether I end up transitioning down the line or staying as I am, I've learned to cherish these flashes of masculine desire and be empowered by vulnerability- and I don't regret it.

[candyskiez]

I know it probably wasn't meant to be a trans allegory but GOD does Steven's time with the diamonds resonate as a trans allegory to me. Like. Everyone disregarding his name. Being forced to wear uncomfortable clothing. People regarding his name as a funny joke. Being told he's just being childish. "I just want you to be yourself!" The ripping the fucking gem out SCREAMS of it. The purity talk. And just the. God. The scene where it showed Pink, then Rose, then Steven got me so hard as a trans person because it just. Reminds me SO much of just. Trans. So much trans. Because it just reminds me of looking at the past versions of me before I figured myself out. They're still a part of me, they still made up a lot of my life, but I am not them anymore. And that's what that scene resonates to me so much as. That gem is not Pink or Rose anymore. Reminds me of that one thing that goes "my parents were right, I DID kill their son." Pink is gone, Rose is gone, Steven is neither of them Steven is MORE Steven is alive and he is not that girl, he is not that girl, he doesn't want her name or her dresses or her life or her room, this is HIS body now, this is how HE sounds, he's not pretending to be someone else. This is who he is. He is not Pink or Rose. He is Steven. She's gone.

And god the scene where he hugs pink Steven just. It reminds me so much of accepting my gender or gender euphoria or just the realization of that's what I am, I am me, I am not broken, I am whole and i am not that girl. I don't need to be that girl because it doesn't make me happy. It's okay that I'm not that girl.

And just the. I am a child. What's your excuse? And the absolute "so what?" of that. Yeah, I'm a kid. This is still me. Why do you care so much about my body? Why does me being happy upset you so much? The girl you knew is gone, and maybe she never existed. It's your fault she's gone, and now I'm left, and it's my gem. It's my body. And this is who I've ALWAYS been.

The "I've always been me" line resonates so much. "I've always been this. I just needed to figure it out." Not how being trans works for everyone, ofc, everyone's relationship with their gender is different, this is just the vibes I get from this specific thing.

I do also like to dabble in reading Rose as a trans allegory too. Because I am self indulgent shh. And that ones less "I always was this" and more so "being the person I used to be made me miserable and I hated my own body, I hated my own life. So I grew into this new body that I love, and chose a new name, and a new identity that makes me happy." Which,, am I overanalyzing. I dunno man I like hitting my favorite characters with the transgender beam.

You can also read it with the lense of "I killed that old version of me and I am a woman now. This is who I am. That person is dead." Which. Once again. Am I overanalyzing. This feels too easy to read as trans. I am probably overanalyzing.

Anyways the way gender works for different people is really interesting, I like Steven Universe, I like making my favorites stories trans allegory-ified, and I cannot be stopped. Peace ✌️

[sabbathbloodysabbeth]

Ok so random thought, but what if Steve was trans (ftm) and no one realizes it. Not even Robin. Just hear me out on this.

The first question out of this I know I’ll get is “Why wouldn’t Steve come out to Robin as well? Why doesn’t Robin know?” Well in my head cannon I believe Steve is aware that he’s trans but just simply forgets. He’s just a guy being a dude in a very judgemental world. That and he’s under stealth mode, he doesn’t want to be treated differently. He’s proud to be trans but in his mind he’s like any other guy, he doesn’t stand out. He’s transitioned socially that he doesn’t even think to much about it unless he’s in the men’s bathroom.

(Also for this au that is being built from scratch this is going to be modern, because I don’t want to accidentally put my experiences as a trans man on a transguy in the 80’s. I’m fully aware that they are different which is why I’m turning this into a modern au.)

There’s loopholes in this idea but I don’t care. Just Steve Harrington who is still getting used to being treated like a man socially. He doesn’t understand the hand shake thing with Lucas or the other jocks and he’s still a bit nervous about all of it. Like he’s finally fitting what he feels and he loves it but hates it at the same time. Because now he has to learn how to be a proper “gentleman” in public, which is a lot easier then hoe he was taught to be a lady. Now both of his parents are not conservative. Shockingly. So they are more open to things then most. Though secretly his father has always wanted a son to pass the business down to and this is the perfect opportunity. His mother isn’t to happy but she finally gets on board. Once he’s sixteen he starts hormones and switches schools, where he becomes king steve. Where he falls into a toxic masculine group of Tommy’s so he can “fit” in.

But then things start to go down hill with the upside down. And everything goes by normal. He meets Robin and they are two pees in the pod. Just missing one, that they are not really searching for but are?

The whole trans thing comes up when they are all in the boat and Steve’s a bit panicked because this means he has to take his shirt off in front of them. This can go to so different ways.

A) He hasn’t had top surgery yet and is currently wearing his binder. Which is skin toned but doesn’t match. He’s beat red as he catches the curious eyes of all of them on the boat. None of them knowing what a binder is. Robin of course asks what that is, and avoiding the question he jumps in and goes under. (You aren’t supposed to swim with your binder on) and he regrets all of his life decisions before coming back up and then being pulled back down. Everyone of course follows along, and after all of it Steve is in a lot of pain. Between the bite and his ribs he has no choice but to pull his binder off. Everything is explained and he’s really embarrassed as he finally gets the damn thing off while holding his chest. Trying to hide his boobs, in which Eddie ends up coming over with the vest. Wrapping it around Steve carefully with the most awkward back pat ever. Like it’s not brought up, but Steve does end up wearing one of Eddie’s old baggy shirts from what’s “83” but really a different year because it’s modern. And his vest as well to help cover his chest and it’s the most gender euphoria ever. (Also he still has a hairy chest, so before he gets the shirt and the vest is covering most of his moobs Eddie nearly dies seeing his chest hair)

Or it goes B) where he’s had top surgery but it’s been a bit more recent. He’s still recovering and he has to awkwardly check his wrap his on properly before diving in. Like he shouldn’t be swimming either and he has to awkwardly explain what top surgery is to them. And robin who can’t help the jokes

“I thought you liked boobs!”

But just Steve being fully accepted. And after everything Eddie just sneaks some more baggy masculine clothes that Steve has been wanting to wear but weren’t preppy enough for his parents.

Like there is so much with this idea

(This all started because I pictured Steve with top surgery scars with Eddie’s vest, but also pre op steve with his vest is also equally as gender. Though do not feminize his chest or else I’ll bite you.)