#mayor phlegmming

[osmosisgoose]

a bunch of osmosis doodles cause i love when the jones commits osmosis

anyways hiii, I decided to make a blog strictly dedicated to Osmosis Jones cause it's my current brainrot moment, a lot of this is related to Mayor Phlegmming cause he's my favorite, he's just so cute and I love him the Drix and Bird image was a result of me finding out that both characters i loved were voiced by the same guy Also the one holding Phlegmming is my sona Dog, if they were in the universe of Osmosis Jones, I do plan on making an actual oc, but for now, i just have this version of Dog!!

[artwithsydney]

ohhh you know i gotta hear that lion purr

[bitterlemonade-1]

Some mayor phlegmming and 7 doodles. Guys I think they’re in love 😰

[extralargechips]

i think i might have the craziest rare pair ever and i get to name it myself

my obsession w this BRAINCELL is insane

[joslincox]

Happy Belated 29th Birthday to Timothee Chalamet!

[trasho-pando2011]

guys he's supposed to be an asshole stop liking himmmm!!!! /silly /j

[mammalsofaction]

8

8. Perryshmirtz kissing... In secrecy

From our Prompt list here.

Forbidden Fruit

Rating: M

Relationship: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus

Add tags: established relationship, forbidden relationship, non graphic violence, canon typical violence, Perry's being monitored, Perry speaks,

A/N: I finished the draft for this months ago before a bunch of shit went down and I had a bad time. I've cleaned it up the best I can now that I have a bit of time to spare, so I hope the wait was worth it Nonnie.

"One last thing before you go, Agent P." Francis calls out, and there was something in his voice, Perry thinks. That makes his heart skip a beat. He has to ensure his face was perfectly neutral as he turns back to the screen of his lair to listen.

"We've had the RnD investigate into the odd cut-offs of your mission recordings, and Carl has made the executive conclusion they've been tampered with." The Major says carefully, his dark brown eyes almost subtly calculating. He clears his throat. "You wouldn't--ah--know anything about that, would you?"

Perry ensures to provide a thoughtful pause before firmly shaking his head. The Major hums.

"Well, get to the bottom of that, Agent P."

Perry gives Francis a characterically sharp salute, and jumps into the parked hoverjet on its designated landing. He watches the screen go black as the Major dismissively ends transmission, but it takes the whole flight over to DEI to calm his heart rate back down.

---

Their wrestling this time around had taken them into the open air balcony of the lab, and Perry knows Heinz had figured he's been off-key all morning. 

Heinz doesn't give him any less quarter nevertheless, and Perry's so out of it he'd almost given him an opening--or three.

He ducks sharply--just in time for the Phillips' screwdriver Heinz had been aiming for his head lodges into the wall behind him, and Perry takes that second of momentum to sweep the scientist's clumsy feet from under him, forcing them both into a barrel roll across the laboratory floor. Heinz grunts as Perry slams his head into the polished tiles, teeth barred.

"Where are you?" Heinz asked aloud, as if he couldn't help himself. Perry can feel his heartbeat, thumping a million miles per hour from beneath his palm pressed into Heinz's chest.

Perry's heart rockets into his throat, and he shakes his head, as subtly as he could. Equally impulsively, Heinz's eyes darts to the space above his head-on his hat-but it was only for a second. Brief enough to overlook. Heinz twists his lower body,  and Perry's vaulted a couple of feet away from the force of the kick into his abdomen.

"Target identified."

Shit.

Sure enough, when Perry turns to see, the nozzle of the Voiceless-Inator had begun to glow an ominous red, prepped and locked onto the podium where Roger would be presenting his early manifesto for the next Trimester Mayoral Election. Heinz had begun to cackle, an early celebration for what he's probably thought of as an easy win, but it isn't the first time Perry's had to make do with luck in the nick of time.

Perry rifles through his hat, fingers trailing over the seamless pockets stitched between the silk layers from within its crown. He rolls onto his feet, trusting his instincts to land him on what he needs from his trusty box of tools, and as the countdown nears its end, Perry tugs out a three piece compact mirror, poised right ahead of it's unnatural chemical beam.

"NO! WAIT! REDIRECTING THE CHARGE IS GOING TO MAKE IT-!"

BOOM!

Perry can feel his ears ringing from the volume of the ensuing explosion, and he feels himself thrown off by the force of compressed energy, saved by the familiar grip of an arm, hanging him over the balcony walls.

Perry coughs, spitting up black phlegm as Heinz grunts and yells and swears, pulling his weight up and over into the safety of the sooted foyer. The neighbours don't look twice anymore, and the residents beneath had smartly cleared away from any potential debris within the last few minutes.

Life in Danville will soon continue apace. For now, there is an unnatural silence as two men lay on their backs, heavily panting black smoke and the burnt smell of gasoline.

In the very distance, there is a joyous cry to mark the end of another successful manifesto with everyone's voices perfectly present. Only just marking the presence of a droning speech up until that very moment. There is more grunting, the heavy sound of steel elbows on hard tiles, before Perry finds himself looking up into a pair of concerned baby blue eyes, a narrow face and much beloved crooked aquiline nose.

Heinz looks him up and down, and Perry sees the relief that courses through him as he'd apparently found whatever he was looking for.

"There you are." He says, in a single breath, and Perry briefly closes his eyes as Heinz leans down, knocking their foreheads together so they could share breaths, heated and soot-stained. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus."

Heinz trails the tip of his nose down the line of his cheek, and Perry swallows so loudly that Heinz freezes, acknowledging the tension still present in his shoulders. Perry presses his hand into Heinz's chest, poised above his own. Allegedly to push him away, but he finds his hands clasped again right over where his heart should be, beating the rhythm of his favourite tune.

"It's gone." Heinz whispers, right into his ear. It tickles the hairs right above the back of his nape, and Perry shivers. "The explosion blew it off of the balcony, we're alone. It's alright."

His hat, gone, yes. He notices it now, the stark emptiness where the warmth of his fedora should be, and with it, OWCA's equivalent of a body cam.

This moment was their own. Finally, their own.

Perry inhales sharply, lips brushing against the smooth skin of Heinz's jaw. He shakes his head firmly, trembling.

"No?" Heinz asked.

"Almost-," Perry says softly, voice raspy from the soot and disuse. He cuts himself off, tries again. "He's...onto us. Heinz."

"Francis?" Heinz demanded, his own voice thick with incredulity. Further emphasizes as he leans higher, putting real space between them to express the sheer disbelief on his face, but when Perry whines from the cold of the sudden distance, he leans back down quickly, planting a quick kiss on Perry's chin that disorients him as efficiently as a punch.

"It's Carl." Perry corrects, and the confusion clears out in an instant. The agent clears his throat, preparing himself for a different sort of argument. "Heinz." Perry chides, as well as he could in state as dazed and lovesick as he was. The other man began to trail sweet little pecks over the length of his jaw, down the bowl of his collar, and back up the bridge of his nose. "Heinz. Listen. I-I think we have to-,"

Stop, Perry wants to say. Stop, stop, stop, but he captures Perry's lips in his own, his mouth wet, deep and hungry-and the noise that falls out of him is better akin to more, more, more.

"Heinz," Perry says, an ineffectual scolding between every intake of breath. As he pulls Perry's tongue into his own mouth, sucking, Perry feels his hips jolt involuntarily, one leg crossed behind the other man's back. "God, Heinz,"

"Gott, but you're feeling clingy." He answers, his voice making it sound like a compliment . Perry feels his hands, dexterous and desperate, pulling down the zipper right there on the balcony floor, in front of every neighbour and God himself, at three forty fucking five in the evening. He palms the straining tent peeking out the front of his trousers, and Perry chokes on his own breath. He knocks the back of his temple into the floor, gasping.

It was bold, mortifyingly so, particularly in the daring light of the evident scandal. A forbidden fruit Perry should have never let himself sample all those months ago, and now he had no way of turning back.

"I've got you, mausebär." Heins assures, leaving black smudges on his shirt, all the way down. Perry stuffs his fist in his mouth,  body burning hot with anticipation. "Hold on to me. Good boy."

Perry turns his gaze to the sky, relishes the brush of his air against his hair-bare and damning--and reminds himself that Eve had never regretted her mouthful, not even once.

[coolheadofficial]

Once you've learned to correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world

Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation's OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche! Is a paling stout and spikey? Won't it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It's a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough -- Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!!

[burningrhino]

Angry Brick

Braxton’s anger. The following alts include the father's anger, pizza girl, the clown, the bus driver, Mayor Phlegmming, Mr. E (Scooby Doo), and a mix between the Boss from Rock Dog and Goro (Mappy) plus I just wanted to make that one yellow and orange

[osmosisgoose]

I saw this picture on pinterest and had like the funniest thing click in my brain this sicks so much balls dude

[a-land-lacking-sleep]

Day 22: Gym

(This added 2303 words to AO3)

Opelucid was the former seat of power for the old kingdom of Unova, and the gym still is headed by descendents of the royal line, even if it is now several times removed. It was this knowledge that stood front and center in Ingo and Emmet’s minds. This wasn’t just their final gym to challenge.

This may be their future legacy. 

And it was this thought that they held as they climbed the dragon’s limbs to the head, taking turns on who would be the first to challenge a trainer. First Ingo, then Emmet, then Ingo, Emmet, Ingo, and finally Emmet. If they kept this pattern, Ingo would be the first to fight, and defeat, their uncle Drayden. 

So Ingo and Emmet are confused when they step up onto the head of the dragon, only to see their father, Fring, sitting on a steel folding chair next to Drayden, chatting without a care in the world. The twins look at each other, then back at the older brothers as Emmet clears his throat and Ingo speaks up. “Um… What are you doing here, dad? This is not one of your usual days away from the station.”

“No, not at all,” Fring says with a laugh, pushing himself up off of the chair. “But I figured I should be here for some family history. This is your final gym, and the only one I challenged.” As he speaks, he comes to stand next to his brother, shoulder to shoulder despite being half his width.

Standing next to each other, Drayden and Fring were mirrors of each other akin to Ingo and Emmet. Whereas the young twins wore nearly identical dusters and flat caps, the previous generation contrasted; Drayden was wearing a white dress shirt with silver slacks and suspenders compared to his standard purple, and Fring was wearing drab black work overalls, with both holding two Pokeballs on their belts.

Drayden coughs into his fist, stepping forward. “Thank you both for coming. There’s no need to introduce myself to my nephews, I believe.” Even behind his massive beard, the twins could see the smile on the Gym Leader’s face. “I’ve recently become the mayor of this city, and am working to bring it to greater heights than ever before. I am seeking to rear the coming generation, to bring about a bright future. Will you two be the beacons with which the path is shown?”

“You think too shallowly of my boys, Dray,” Fring says with a chuckle as he steps forward, even to Drayden but several paces to his left, at the edge of the battlefield. “They aren’t just the beacons that will show the path forward.” He reaches down, and unclips one of the Pokeballs from his belt, before pushing a determined frown onto his face, peeking down beneath his mustache. “They’re the conductors of the train that will lead countless down said path. And I believe we should test their mettle together, no?”

That was all that was needed for Ingo and Emmet to grasp the situation - This wasn’t a one versus one fight against their uncle for the final badge. This was a true Multi Battle, a fight against their father and uncle, a struggle against their mentors, the final hurdle before their goal of the Pokemon League. And as such, all four of the men throw out their Pokeballs.

Hydreigon, Excadrill, Serperior, and Klingklang all hit the field, and the calls of their trainers bleed together, only intelligible to the Pokemon being commanded. The first to move was Ingo’s Excadrill, who leaps from his spot towards Fring’s Serperior to hit it with a Poison Jab, only to whiff as the snake fades away to leave a singular doll behind to take the hit. Simultaneously, Drayden’s Hydreigon lets loose a ferocious Fire Blast, which barely grazes past Emmet’s Klinklang, who retaliates with a shot of Toxic that sinks into the Hydreigon’s skin.

As Hydreigon coughs up some phlegm, Ingo and Emmet glance at each other and make eye contact in the brief moment of calm. ‘Dad will have Dahlia, we need to remove the Hydreigon to prevent Earthquakes,’ Ingo signs quickly, getting a serious nod from Emmet. In unison, the two bring up their hands in a point, aiming at their uncle Drayden. “Excadrill/Klinklang, use Rock Slide/Flash Cannon!”

As the two Pokemon charge and release their attacks, Fring quickly holds his left arm at half length and swings it in a full circle, an action that both of his sons recognized as Back Up. Which is what is provided as his Serperior slithers in front of Hydreigon, intercepting the Steel Gem-empowered Flash Cannon and its half of the Rock Slide, leaving Hydreigon to simply take half of the intended hit from the twin assault.

“Thank you, brother!” Drayden shouts as he quickly strafes the battlefield to get another vantage of the fight. “Hydreigon, use Focus Blast!” Now the Hydreigon pushes forward past Serperior and lets out a screech as it coalesces ki in front of it, and launches it towards Ingo’s Excadrill. The mole is unable to twist to avoid in time, and lets out a cry as it recoils from the hit. Simultaneously, both Drayden and Ingo reach for their packs, ready to grab Super Potions to heal their Pokemon in case.

The next round was another burst of commands, and a rush to follow them through. This time Hydreigon broke free first, jumping into the middle of the arena and shouting at full force to unleash a Dark Pulse that covers the entire field, hitting both Klinklang and Excadrill, as well as shattering Serperior’s Substitute and revealing its location fully, coiled to the left of its opponents. In quick unison, Excadrill and Klinklang circle around Hydreigon in a pincer motion to trap it, hitting it with a combination of Flash Cannon and Aerial Ace to take down the dragon.

And as the pair disengaged to return to their trainers, Fring’s voice cuts through the momentary still. “Now!” At a breakneck speed, his Serperior races across the battlefield and wraps itself around the shocked Excadrill, its mouth already glowing with contained energy. Before anyone could even react or call out another command, the Serperior opens its mouth, unleashing the stored Hyper Beam down onto the mole for a critical hit. As the snake uncoils itself and returns to its spot, Excadrill falls over, unconscious.

Two Pokeballs flare, recalling the fainted Pokemon, allowing a chance for everyone to breathe, with Fring breathing deep as he pounds on his chest. Catching the action, Drayden steps over to his brother and slaps him on the back. “Don’t overwork yourself. Don’t want a repeat of last time.”

“No collapsing for me now, Dray, trust me,” Fring says with a laugh. “Besides, we’re still even with the boys. What do you say we throw them for a loop?” He looks over to Ingo, who was currently checking over his team to find the best fit for the scenario, then to Emmet, who was watching the older pair of brothers intently. “What do you think Dray is gonna send out next? His tried and true Haxorus? Maybe the Altaria or Flygon he’s been training recently? Or even th-”

“No need to tease them, Fring,” Drayden says, holding up a Pokeball. “My blood is pumping, just like yours and like theirs are surely pumping. Each side is down a Pokemon, and I want to know how my nephews will fight their way out of this situation.” Fring brings his hands up and shrugs, and turns to refocus onto the battlefield.

“Go, Haxorus!” Ingo calls, his voice ringing through the battlefield as his own dragon takes to the field. “Go, Dahlia!” Drayden cries, throwing not his own Pokemon, but instead his brother’s own ace of a Garchomp onto the field.

Both twins flinch for a split second before recovering at the sight of their uncle sending out their father’s Pokémon. And also the danger that this misstep could present if they didn’t adapt quickly. Even more danger comes as their father recalls his Serperior and sends out a Scrafty, calling a “Fake Out!”

The other three commands blend together again as they all vie for celerity. Even though they couldn’t hear, they knew the best option for their Uncle to choose in this situation - Use Earthquake, to deal maximum damage to both of them - and so they had to prioritize a response to that. And whichever Pokemon their father interrupts is either gone, or in a bad place. 

Haxorus coils downward, striking its tusks against the ground as it completes its Dragon Dance. At the same time, Klinklang spins its gears to begin generating a shield for Protect, only for the Scrafty to run up on it and interrupt its action with a quickstep slap. And before either twin could react, Dahlia was already on top of Klinklang, her teeth wreathed in yellow fire, before lunging and snapping her jaws in a Fire Fang. Klinklang shrieks in pain as Dahlia shakes her head once, then twice, before it finally faints in its opponent’s jaws.

“False tracks, Father,” Emmet says as he recalls Klinklang to its PokeBall. “You are a lying liar who lies.” Unlike Ingo, who looked through his Pokeballs before deciding, Emmet already has his ready.

“Well, we wanted to surprise you,” Fring says sheepishly as he strokes his moustache and looks away. “Plus, the two of us are taking roles in this battle, and Dahlia didn’t suit my role.”

Roles? The twins both look at each other, and Emmet quickly flashes the sign ‘Support?’ to Ingo, who responds with a quick nod. ‘I can focus,’ Emmet signs before they both refocus on the elder Grayns. “I am Emmet. I can forgive, once.”

“Thanks, Em!” Fring says with a smile, perking right back up. Without saying anything else, Emmet throws his Pokeball, releasing Archeops onto the field, who lands and flaps his wings several times while squawking. 

“Earthquake!” 

Ingo got the call out first this time, his volume drowning the other commands, causing the other three to repeat their commands quickly in reaction. Haxorus gets the advantage in this situation, slamming her claws down into the battlefield and the earth begins to churn beneath the feet of the Pokemon. While Garchomp and Scrafty stumble momentarily before they act, Archeops simply leaps into the air and attacks Scrafty with an Acrobatics, using the churning earth to get a launch point for the strike. 

The effect is instant, with the Flying Gem in the Archeops’ claws shattering and empowering the attack as his feet collide with Scrafty’s head. Scrafty slams against the ground, bouncing once before lying still, knocked out in that single hit. Beside it, Garchomp roars and launches itself forward toward Ingo’s Haxorus, colliding into it with an Outrage that leaves the younger Dragon staggering, and barely standing up.

Without another word, the Scrafty is replaced by the Serperior, and each trainer calls out their next round of attacks.

The first to move is the Garchomp, who is still in the throes of its Outrage, causing it to flail about and, instead of barreling across the field towards its intended target of Haxorus, turns towards Serperior and brings its jaws down on the snake. With a screech, it breaks free and slithers away from its partner, only to see a yellow blur descend up on it from above. Archeops lands its entire weight upon the snake, causing it to straighten out in shock, then fall limp as it is brought to unconsciousness. Finally, as Garchomp stands there, blinking its eyes in confusion, Haxrous rushes up to it, and strikes it across the torso with a Dragon Claw, removing it from battle.

Calm hung over the battlefield as the trainers all stare at each other across the stretch, panting for air as the two remaining Pokemon, Archeops and Haxorus, relax their stances, with Haxorus even plopping down to sit with a sigh.

After a moment, though, Fring and Drayden both begin to clap. “Wonderful!” Drayden shouts as he approaches the center of the field and recalls the Garchomp. “I’m grateful we had the chance to have this battle.”

“Bravo, boys!” Frings says with a bark of laughter, quickly hobbling behind Drayden and recalling his Scrafty. “I haven’t gotten to see how you both have grown since you started your journey!”

“I am Emmet,” Emmet says in a duller tone of shock, blinking his eyes at his father and uncle. “We… We won? Against both of you?” Emmet also starts moving to the center of the arena, Archeops running up to him and leaping onto his back.

“It would seem so, Emmet,” Ingo says, his own voice lowered a bit from the shock, moving forward to stroke Haxorus under her jaw blades. “I don’t know how, but we did.”

“You both have grown, far more than you realize,” Drayden says, a rare and wide smile showing underneath his mass of facial hair. “You gave us everything you had, and you got my blood pumping-”

“And my engine roaring,” Fring interjects, smiling just as wide as his brother with slightly misty eyes. “You surpassed us.” Ingo and Emmet silently nod, tears beginning to collect in both of their eyes as the realization of their victory sinks in.

Drayden reaches into his breast pocket, and pulls out two small pieces of metal, each worked into the angular shape of a dragon’s head. “I could not be more proud than I am right now, to bestow upon the pair of you…” He reaches out with both hands, palms turned up to offer the items to his nephews. “The Legend Badge.”

Without hesitation, Ingo and Emmet grab the badges from their uncle’s hands, and pull him forward into a hug.

[bitterlemonade-1]

Some mayor phlegmming 💞

[laxietindy]

the creators are saying that mayor phlegmming's design is based on richard nixon, but he looks more like trump

[joslincox]

Here's a theory for you: I actually think it would be hard to decide which mayor should fall into the mean girl trope in the 2011 Osmosis Jones. It actually depended on whether they've seen the TV Series or only seen the movie, and on which mayor is worse. If you like the TV series, then Paul Spryman will definitely take the cake, but if you've only seen the movie, except Phlegmming to be aged down with the rest of the cast. Which mayor do you want as the king bee for the 2011 film? Phlegmming or Spryman? We'll let you decide by replying to me!

[void-kill]

its long so im going to put it under the cut 👍

Dearest creature in creation,

Studying English pronunciation.

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye, your dress will tear.

So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as plaque and ague.

But be careful how you speak:

Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;

Cloven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,

Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,

Exiles, similes, and reviles;

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war and far;

One, anemone, Balmoral,

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;

Gertrude, German, wind and mind,

Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation’s OK

When you correctly say croquet,

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour

And enamour rhymes with hammer.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

Doll and roll and some and home.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,

Neither does devour with clangour.

Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,

Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,

And then singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.

Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.

Though the differences seem little,

We say actual but victual.

Refer does not rhyme with deafer.

Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Mint, pint, senate and sedate;

Dull, bull, and George ate late.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,

Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed, but vowed.

Mark the differences, moreover,

Between mover, cover, clover;

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police and lice;

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,

Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor.

Tour, but our and succour, four.

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Sea, idea, Korea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion with battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.

Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.

Heron, granary, canary.

Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.

Ear, but earn and wear and tear

Do not rhyme with here but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,

Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation — think of Psyche!

Is a paling stout and spikey?

Won’t it make you lose your wits,

Writing groats and saying grits?

It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:

Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough?

Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?

Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is give it up!

do you want to read what im pretty surw is my favorite poem? its litereally called "the chaos"

Ooh okay

[jackedspicer]

i found some old drawings of the mayor from osmosis jones