#maybe we'll meet again

[livelaughlego]

Lance has unexpectedly passed. We suspect he may have eaten a toxic plant when he escaped a couple times recently, as he had been vomiting nonstop and was very lethargic and hiding.

My mom also keeps her lily outside. If you know, you know.

All of the vets were closed, even the ER (only 12hr) so I decided to take him the next day. He did not make it to the next day. Around three am I heard him yowl loudly and I knew that was the end. I stayed by his side and so did Leo and Bella while he passed in my arms.

When I saw his hiding behavior and how he slowly moved from room to room, constantly accompanied by his brother, not responding to catnip and barely to pets, I think I knew. But I wanted to believe. To hope. He was still young, after all. But by the time a cat shows symptoms, it is often too late.

This has devastated me and I genuinely don't know if I can keep going without him. He was like a child to me. When I held him, my wails of grief rivaled any sound he could make. I have never made a sound like when I saw him lying there before, nor did I think I was even capable of it. I've never even heard such a sound, except for videos of people in warzones holding their lost children. I have lost several relatives, pets, and friends, but I have never felt such a feeling. It's like I'm a ghost, drifting from room to room. I'm watching from the outside and often find myself staring at one spot for no reason whenever I'm reminded of him. I sleep with his collar nearby, and feel the phantom pressure of a cat on me. My limbs are always numb and my chest aches. My body isn't my own. I can't go into public yet, because I'll only burst into tears the moment his face crosses my mind.

He was buried yesterday morning. This blog will stay up in memory of him. I may post old pictures occasionally.

(most TWs mentioned in tags are right below cut. seriously, do not click if you don't want to read about my mental illness and grief.)

This is his last picture alive and well, taken a few weeks ago. (He loved feet and shoes)

And this is his last photo ever, before we buried him.

It's like he's sleeping. That's what I've told myself since he passed. He's just sleeping.

He was so soft. He was so warm. He was my baby, my son.

He was at the top of my list of reasons to live. I had picked three reasons. Now there are only two, both of which are substantially weaker.

I have people to care for Leo and Bella, and my affairs are pretty much in order. I will not kill myself (don't get your panties in a twist 🙄), but if I die from grief then I will die at peace, my final declaration of love. The ultimate proof that I loved him so much, that I physically could not exist without his love. I pray for death to take me as I sleep, for God to take me how he did Enoch. For this pain and void in my heart to be gone forever. For me to join him in eternal slumber.

We'll just be sleeping. But we won't be alone. We'll have each other.

We're just sleeping.

I love you.

[nightmaretour]

Today while I was out on my mobility scooter I saw a person in maybe their mid 20s with short pink hair, wearing this kinda puffy beige and white striped shirt tucked into beige formal trousers walking along with a cane in one hand and reading from an open book with the other. I can't draw people well enough to portray their sheer majesty but just know that they were so cool and I wish we were friends

[leave-me-alone-please]

It's been a good run I guess

In the sense that it could have been worse

I had good times

I had good people in my life

And if I were still able to feel anything but despair I'd feel thankful for that

But everything is burning and there is no way out

And sometimes it seems like no one wants to actually look for a way out either

The world is a cruel horrible place and nothing I do will change that

I am not enough, never will be

I am too much, always and for everyone

I'm sorry it has to be this way

I love you

I don't want to leave

But I just can't do this anymore

I see many ways and none of them lead anywhere

This has become so utterly meaningless

It's just pain for nothing

Again and again and again

I've been paying for years

I've been praying for things to get better

I've been praying for a cat to run me over

I've been praying to get cancer

I've been praying to wake up in a different reality

Is it the human condition I struggle with or am I struggling with the powerlessness that I have trapped myself in?

Do I struggle with seeing so much and just knowing that it all connects and that there is something really important we are all missing but being too stupid to figure it out?

Do I struggle with the unfairness inherent in this system the willingness of so many to uphold it?

Do I struggle with all those stupid social rules we have made up?

Do I struggle with my mind running faster than I can follow whenever I don't drug it?

Do I struggle with being trapped in a flesh prison?

Do I struggle with this deep feeling of just everything being so completely wrong?

Do I struggle with none of this being real and yet this world being the only reality I can have?

Do I struggle with existential boredom?

I don't struggle

I should complain less and do more

I'm not allowed to struggle with such silly things

And yet I know that my day will today has exactly three outcomes:

1. Something unexpected happens

2. I drug myself so bad I sleep through the next few days

3. I end up with a rope and a bottle of pills in my hand slowly walking to my demise and just seeing if I can be bothered enough to stop

[gardenfullofcats]

[theashenphoenix]

ADAM JENSEN • DEUS EX: MANKIND DIVIDED (2016)

[poop-benedict]

CSM #123 SPOILERS

Credit to Reddit user sebajun10 who explained why Fujimoto gave the Falling devil those specific powers.

[kitkatsgalore]

you have my soul, you have my heart ♡

[afterthelambs]

"Silco didn't create Jinx, you did" lives in my mind rent free because throughout season 1, Vi has been convincing herself that Silco is the obstacle preventing her from getting Powder back. She's traumatized and guilt-ridden. When Vi is traumatized, she simplifies things as a response. She has to believe that getting her sister back is that simple. But when Silco is finally dead, Powder doesn't come back to her. In fact Silco's death is what solidifies Jinx's decision to be Jinx (the complete Jinx aka Jinx + Powder, not the broken version of her that she tried to erase Powder from).

And that's likely why Vi switches on her so quickly. By the time season 2 starts she's fully on board with Piltover wanting to kill Jinx and when she confronts her in ep.3 she says Powder is dead and they're not sisters anymore. Which is wild considering just a few days ago she was reassuring her that they'll always be sisters.

I think Vi meant all of it. At the time she really did want Caitlyn and the enforcers to kill Jinx. But that's because she's still just as traumatized and guilt-ridden as she was before. She can't deal with the fact that Jinx herself is the real reason she can never get Powder back. And as I said, Vi simplifies things as a trauma response. However if they had actually succeeded in killing Jinx, I think Vi would live in regret and self-hatred forever. What someone wants when they're traumatized and hurt is not what they want forever, and Vi does love her sister.

[martlet-my-beloved]

The one that got away (part 3)

....... hi. my exam's in a week. toriel has just received news on the kid she met for quite literally 5 minutes and then became a missing person's case. we are both experiencing the same amount of mental anguish.

First - Previous - Next - Masterpost

[sfsolstice]

exurb1a, from "Inventory" in Poems for the Lost Because I'm Lost Too

[koko2unite]

zoraal ja just need a good dicking and maybe he'll be less evil and wont have to die

[strawberrywindow]

I couldn't stop thinking about an AU where Daniel resorts to gathering vitae again, this time to 'cure' Hazel, after his Brennenburg adventure💫, thoughts all mainly derived from this loadscreen text that tells us that Hazel is still in hospice care by the time the game's story began.

As much as I love Daniel, I don't think he really learned all that much from his experience even in the most charitable ending towards him in which he saves Agrippa. I can very, VERY easily see him slipping back into old ways if it meant saving Hazel. The most he seems to approach viewing torture as bad is when he realizes he himself no longer counts as an innocent so he can't justify killing others to save himself anymore. But killing no good, horrible, bad people to save HAZEL? Now, we're cooking with gas 😀 💀

[lookninjas]

2514.

I am so fucking easy, though. Dear Lord in Heaven I am so fucking easy when it comes to German metal. Swear to God the world is ending but if I get in my car and I hear "RATATATA" -- this is completely true -- if I get in my car and I hear "RATATATA" then that means I still can pull this shit around somehow

[sophsun1]

rip to the people who literally only just followed me this morning and then subsequently unfollowed me the very same day amidst my grief, honestly guys i don't even blame you 😂

[todayisafridaynight]

i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive

ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is

[lotus-pear]

i actually have not been able to stop thinking about the teaser im going completely feral . actually gonna die when i watch the new ep i think .

i've had sm on my mind lately that it drifts in and out i'm mostly excited for fyolai reunion i'm praying w literally all my heart that nothing bad happens to them on the way out of of meursault