#maybe tomorrow ill focus on line art...

[deer-a-day]

011

vector art today

[agere-fics]

Doctor Papa

dni: k!nk, anti-agere, agepl4y, or ddlg-esque blogs 🍄 this blog is a safe space for age regressors and age dreamers 🍄

pairing: caregiver!papa!bruce banner x regressor!little!reader

characters: uncle thor, bruce banner, reader, mentions of: steve, bucky, sam, and tony stark.

summary: you have to get MRIs done but you're nervous. thank goodness, papa knows how to cheer you up.

word count: 1,751

content warnings: MRIs, hospital gown, reader is written like they're a child's height, no mention of a particular chronic illness, please tell me if i'm missing anything

author's note: tadaa!! all done! this is the most i've written for a one shot! very proud of myself. also, this is inspired by me having to get MRIs done recently ajfhs

♡

Sometimes stuff we've done lots of times can still seem scary; which is annoying because who wants to feel anxious about the same exact thing over and over again?

You have to get these scans done by tomorrow. With every heart of your being, you wished that wasn't true but your previous scans were too old.

UGH!

Luckily, your papa had a trick up his sleeve.

He told you to stay here, in this gigantic, empty, white walled room. It was utterly boring, there were no paintings or statues or anything. Not even toys! Well, okay, you had your Mr. Rainy Day Bear but still... At least there were floor to ceiling windows- OH, and a skylight, too. Those were always nice.

While you waited for Bruce to come back, you watched what went on outside. There was Tony using his latest invention to attempt to lift Uncle Thor’s hammer. Tony still had no idea that it couldn't possibly work! How silly of him.

Bucky, Sam, and Steve stood in a far apart triangle. They were tossing around the Captain America shield like a Frisbee, guffawing, and yelling things that were joyously incomprehensible. It looked like lots of fun. Definitely more fun than MRIs. Maybe, they would let you join in later.

The double doors of the empty room swung open and papa’s humongous green form entered.

“Okayyy, love bug, I've grabbed all the cardboard pieces from recycling that weren't gross.” He grimaced thinking about the black, moldy gunk that spoiled some previously useful parts. He shrunk back down to Bruce Banner size after dumping the cardboard into a large pile. “We should have enough for our little art project.”

“Art project?” You looked at him expectantly. Your eyes were lit up with stars of joy this time, instead of meteor shower anxiety.

The idea was to make a cardboard MRI machine. Having an art project to focus on would comfort and reassure you about the process you would go through tomorrow. If he could make it fun, your anxiety wouldn't be so bad.

“I’ve seen the machine before, papa, I can make the bestest one yet!” You hopped on your toes, giddy with tight, flapping fists.

“I grabbed your sticker books and some paint, too-”

“OH YAY, THANK YOU PAPA, THIS IS SO EXCITING!!”

Mission accomplished. Anxiety gone, replaced with magical cure Art Project™. Bruce smirked to himself.

You laid down on a tall, square cardboard piece. Bruce traced your form with a sharpie as you giggled. Once you had the correct length, you both began cutting a rectangular piece and put that piece on a metal cart with wheels.

Then, you cut out half circle pieces and hot glued them all together until it made one large 4D sphere with a hole in the middle like a donut.

At one point, the glue burned you but Papa Bruce fixed it right up and stopped the booboo pain with a cure-all kiss.

Your cardboard MRI machine may look done to outsiders but it wasn't even close. It was missing the most important part of all: the stickers! There were heart stickers, stickers with dolphins, rainbow stickers, puppy stickers, stickers that had Mr. Hulk and Papa on them, too! There were even stickers of Stevey, Bucky, Iron Man, and Uncle Thor! Papa said for your birthday he'd make stickers with you on them, too.

You also painted squiggles, polka dots, lines, circles, triangles, kitty cats, and zig zags. All of them in your most favoritest color.

“There!” You stood proudly, hands on your hips. “Now, it's very, very pretty, papa.”

Papa gave you a minute and then asked, “Are you ready to practice?”

You blinked and sighed. Defeat warping your mood. “Yeah...”

Papa spun away, put a doctor's coat on, and then turned back, holding a clipboard. “Alright, are you the caregiver for Mr. Rainy Day Bear?”

“Yeah, papa.” You lightened up a little bit.

“Papa? No, I'm Doctor Doctor. Who's papa?”

“You're papaaa!” You pointed at him.

“Okay, okay I'm Doctor Papa.” He repeated, “Are you the caregiver of Mr. Rainy Day Bear?”

You tilted your chin up and did a faux British accent. “Why, yes, sir. He's feeling very, very bad and needs a scan.”

“Ah, yes, I see that on his chart, Caregiver.” He flipped through the scribbled pages on the clipboard. “Let's have. Mr. Bear lay down on the table with his head on the pillow.” Bruce gestured with his hand.

You laid your stuffie down on the pretend bed, placing Mr. Bear’s head gently on the pillow. You patted his hand for good measure.

Doctor Papa put ear plugs into the bear's ears and placed cushy pink headphones on him. The headphones had cat ears on them. Papa raised his voice a little, “Mr. Rainy Day Bear, what kind of music do you like to listen to?”

“Doctor Papa, Mr. Bear is nonverbal.” you said matter of factly. You raised your pointer finger to the sky. “I’ll answer for him. He likes The Wiggles, Papa- I mean Doctor Papa.”

“Alrighty then, The Wiggles album coming right up.” Bruce pulled out his phone, scrolling until he found the right music. “Wiggles rave?”

You nodded, then kissed the tippity top of Rainy Day’s head. “You'll be okay, Mr. Bear.”

Bruce began to push the cardboard bed into the donut sphere. You took a big, big deep breath in.

“BRRRR BEEEP AGHHHH RRRRR DNNNN-”

That breath was immediately released back into the atmosphere. “PAPAAA!” You clutched your chest, laughing so hard your legs felt weak.

Doctor Papa continued, “DRRRRR EEEEEE EHHHHHH MRRRRRR!”

You were rolling on the floor, tears leaving your eyes. How silly of your papa!

“BRRRRRrrrrrr….” Papa rolled the cardboard bed out of the donut. “How are you feeling Mr. Bear?”

“Papa, he can't hear you!”

Bruce laughed. “Oh, yeah, right.” He removed the headphones and then the earplugs. “How is the fantastic Mr. Bear?”

You lifted Mr. Bear’s paws and had him sign to Bruce, ‘I am okay.’

“Perfect! Let's take a look at your scans here…” Papa turned around and scribbled quickly on the paper. When he faced you again, he showed you the scan. It was a poorly constructed scribble of Mr. Rainy Day Bear with a big, biiiiiiiig, heart right in the middle. “I knew it, Lots-Of-Love-itis.”

You unburied the British accent. “Quite good, sir. Well done, Mr. Bear.” You placed a hulk sticker on his paw and hugged him tightly.

Papa kneeled down and asked, “Do you want to practice with you this time?”

You gave it a thought, looking this way and that. “Hmmm, will you make the funny noises again?”

“BEEEEP BRRR-”

“Not right now, Papa!” You shouted with a smile.

“Oh, during the practice?” He waited for you to finish rolling your eyes. “Yeah, I can do that.”

“Okay…” You breathed in, out, in, and out slowly. “Let's practice, Doctor Papa.”

♡

“Big day, lille venn.” Uncle Thor said as he helped tie the back of your hospital gown. He double knotted the strings behind your neck and then the ones by your hip. “There you are. All set.”

You frowned at that, looking at Thor with big, watery eyes. “Not all set.”

“It'll be okay.” His hands (placed on your shoulders) turned you to face him. “Remember your breathing?”

“Mhm.”

“Let's do it together.” He raised his left hand as you did the same. “Climb Yggdrasil, breathe in.”

You traced up your pointer finger.

“Let's sit at the very top, hold your breath.”

You paused at the tip of your finger.

“Slide down the Yggdrasil branches, breathe out.”

You traced down your pointer finger.

Uncle Thor had you repeat that four more times, until the tears dried and the anxiety flowed further away.

“Very good, great job. Let's go see Papa.” He held your hand as he walked you towards the scary room. Worse than the boring room from yesterday.

You turned the corner and there was Papa at the computer. “Hey there! The computer’s prepped and waiting for you, little one.”

You looked at Papa, then Uncle Thor, and then Papa again. “Okay… I'm ready.”

Papa led you to the metal bed. It was rectangular and thin. A sheet was laid out on it so you wouldn't get super cold. There was a thick pillow on the end that had your favorite kitty cat pillowcase on it, which made the corners of your lips turn upwards.

Papa pressed an arrow down bottom next to the donut sphere that brought the bed down to your level. He held your hand as you hopped on and then helped position you onto the center. He guided you through a big, deep breath so that your body was as comfortable on the table as can be instead of tense.

Next came pink headphones with cutesy kitty ears on them and plain boring ear plugs so that your hearing wasn't hurt from the loud noises. Papa already set up your favorite kind of music so when the headphones were placed on you, it was already playing. Bruce furrowed his brow in question, moving his thumb up and down. You replied with a thumbs up. You were ready.

Bruce handed you a panic button to hold just in case and laid a blanket over you to keep you warm. Papa kissed the top of your head and left the room.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath in and out.

BBRRRRRRR

‘It's okay. I'm okay.’

BEEEEEEPPP

‘Woohoo, I'm doing awesome!’

REEEEHHHHHH

‘This is boring, it's got to have been a bajillion minutes by now.’

After ten years (minutes), the machine stopped and Papa walked back into the room. He gave you a high five and bunches of praises that you only heard some of because of all the ear protectors. But you could tell by his facial expressions that he was so very proud of you.

He pressed the arrow down button again and the bed began moving to an easier height. You removed the headphones and earplugs yourself, you felt like such a big kid (in the best way)!

You stretched this way and that while making funny noises which made you abrupt into hearty giggles.

Bruce held your hand as you jumped down. Next thing you knew, he was hugging you tightly, picking you up, and spinning you around and around!

“I'm so very, very proud of you, bumble bee!”

You kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Papa!”

♡

[housemaidsblog]

Mastering the Art of House Cleaning: A Comprehensive Guide

Ah, the joys of house cleaning—said no one ever. Let’s face it, scrubbing toilets and dusting baseboards isn’t exactly anyone’s idea of a good time. But fear not! With the right approach, house cleaning can be more manageable and even, dare I say it, satisfying. So, grab your gloves and let’s dive into the world of nettoyage maison.

Why House Cleaning Matters

The Importance

1. Health and Hygiene: A clean home is a healthy home. Regular cleaning helps eliminate germs, allergens, and pollutants, reducing the risk of illnesses and allergies.

2. Mental Well-being: Clutter can weigh heavily on the mind. Cleaning and organizing your space can promote a sense of calm and clarity, leading to improved mental well-being.

3. Aesthetic Appeal: Let’s not forget the aesthetic benefits of a clean home. There’s something incredibly satisfying about walking into a tidy, well-kept space.

4. Productivity Boost: Studies have shown that a clean environment can enhance productivity and focus. So, if you’ve been feeling stuck or uninspired, maybe it’s time to break out the mop and broom.

Common Challenges

Time Constraints: With busy schedules and endless to-do lists, finding time for house cleaning can feel like an uphill battle.

Lack of Motivation: Let’s be real, sometimes finding the motivation to clean is half the battle. It’s all too easy to put off cleaning until tomorrow, and then the next day, and the next…

Overwhelm: From cluttered countertops to dusty corners, the sheer scope of cleaning tasks can be overwhelming. But fear not, we’ll tackle each challenge head-on.

Essential House Cleaning Tips

Set a Schedule

1. Daily Tasks: Start with small, manageable tasks that can be done daily. This might include making the bed, doing dishes, and tidying up clutter.

2. Weekly Tasks: Dedicate specific days for more thorough cleaning tasks like vacuuming, mopping, and dusting.

3. Monthly Tasks: Set aside time each month for deep cleaning tasks such as washing windows, cleaning appliances, and decluttering closets.

Break it Down

1. Room-by-Room Approach: Rather than trying to tackle the entire house at once, break it down room by room. This makes the task feel more manageable and allows you to focus on one area at a time.

2. Task-Based Cleaning: Instead of bouncing around from task to task, focus on completing one task at a time. For example, start by dusting all surfaces before moving on to vacuuming or mopping.

3. Time Blocking: Set aside dedicated blocks of time for cleaning each week. This helps ensure that cleaning tasks don’t get pushed to the bottom of the priority list.

Use the Right Tools and Products

1. Quality Cleaning Supplies: Invest in high-quality cleaning supplies that are effective and safe for your home.

2. Essential Tools: Make sure you have all the essential cleaning tools on hand, including a vacuum cleaner, mop, broom, and scrub brushes.

3. Eco-Friendly Options: Consider using eco-friendly cleaning products to reduce your environmental impact and protect your health.

Deep Dive into Cleaning Techniques

Kitchen Cleaning

1. Start with Surfaces: Begin by wiping down countertops, stovetops, and appliances with a multi-purpose cleaner.

2. Tackle Appliances: Clean inside and outside of appliances, including the refrigerator, oven, and microwave.

3. Don’t Forget the Floors: Sweep or vacuum floors to remove debris, then mop with a suitable cleaner for a sparkling finish.

Bathroom Cleaning

1. Focus on Fixtures: Clean sinks, faucets, and countertops with a disinfectant cleaner to remove germs and grime.

2. Scrub the Shower: Use a scrub brush and cleaner to tackle soap scum and mildew buildup in the shower or bathtub.

3. Address Grout and Tile: Scrub grout lines with a brush and mildew remover to keep them looking clean and bright.

Hiring Help: When to Consider a Professional

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, we need a little extra help. Here are a few signs that it might be time to hire a professional cleaning service:

You’re short on time and struggling to keep up with cleaning tasks.

You have a special event or occasion coming up and need your home to look its best.

You’re moving out of a rental property and need to ensure you get your security deposit back.

Conclusion

House cleaning may not be the most glamorous task, but it’s an essential part of maintaining a healthy and happy home. By following these tips and techniques, you can make the process more manageable and even enjoyable. So, put on your favorite cleaning playlist, roll up your sleeves, and get ready to tackle those dust bunnies head-on. Your home—and your sanity—will thank you for it!

[shirecorn]

how about 17 and 24? what inspires you and how do you deal with art block?

Long post warning.

Art block...

I don't actually get art block, which is probably a combination of neurodivergence and drawing every day for the last 3 years

I wrote an entire tutorial about how to do that, but didn't feel like illustrating it. Would people want to read it even without visuals?

Maybe... I'll just start rambling.

There's a couple different types of art block, and it's really just a philosophy puzzle to get past them. I'm going to assume that the things I think of slow days, or art mud, is a milder form of art block and work through that.

Art block is a symptom, not a disease. You probably have something deep inside that you don't want to face, or don't know how. Sometimes you need to discover the cause, sometimes just power through.

Method 1: Rest

Let yourself just Exist. The act of consuming art is part of the process. Watching shows and playing games, taking a break and going gardening or focus on school. This is what you need for burnout-induced art block.

Method 2: Action

I always choose action, sometimes it means a tiny 2 min sketch per day. Ugly or super simplified. As long as I don't stop moving.

Toss everything. Start every piece thinking you will throw it away.

The act of drawing moves you forward; pinning it to the fridge does not. Don't work things until they are perfect. Work them until they are there.

Art block causes and solutions:

- No Inspiration

Not sure what to draw, nothing seems appealing. Art won't come out like it used to.

Do studies from life or photos. Sketch, paint, digital, traditional, doesn't matter. Rocks, fruit, figure drawing, landscapes, buildings, anything.

Study and copy professional's work. Old masters are best, like rubens, michalangelo (only his men tho) etc because they will teach you anatomy while you work. If you copy someone with a lot of flaws, you will repeat those flaws.

Trace to learn, not to earn. Trace photography and art from anyone you want. Don't post it unless you have the artist's permission or they are dead, whichever comes first. This is strictly work for yourself, on yourself. It's not about the finished drawing.

Find an artist with a fun style and try converting stuff into their style. Don't make that your new style though and especially don't start selling it. Your style is a chimera of everyone you love, not a clone of one person.

Take blurry photos. You don't need a fancy camera or good skills or beautiful subjects. Doing studies from your own photos can spark life into your workflow.

Make challenges for yourself. Randomly generate things to combine. Try fusing characters! Don't try to make it look good, just be fun.

Doodle patterns, swirls, lines, random stuff. Try looking up art warmups and doing some of those.

- Everything Sucks

You finally see how bad you are. Or somehow you got worse. Every piece is a fight and you spend hours trying to get something right only for it to be stiff and disgusting and STILL wrong.

Why are you trying to draw good? It's enough just to draw.

Accept that your art is bad. Every artist can see flaws in their work. Your problem is that those flaws outweigh anything remotely worthwhile and hurt to look at.

So what? You're in a period of growth, not a period of production. Keep that wonky second eye. Let them have hot dog fingers.

Show everyone! Show no one! No piece of art can ever be a reflection of the artist. Not their worth, not their skill. The only thing your art says about you is "Held and moved a pen for a bit."

Make bad art. It's ok. Most of the time, the pressure to perform and get things Right is what made them wrong in the first place. Relax.

- No Motivation

The #1 killer of artists everywhere. On some level you think you should draw, on every other level you think you should stay in bed.

You are not lazy. You wouldn't have read this far in a post about art block if you were lazy. You wouldn't CALL it art block if you were lazy. Laziness is wishing you didn't have to do anything. A block is wishing you were doing something. If you think you can namecall Yourself into productivity again, you're wrong and You need to unionize so that you don't treat You like that anymore.

Consider Mental Illness. Losing interest in something that brought you joy can be a symptom of depression. I know it seems obvious, but if you're waiting for a sign that it's "bad enough," it's bad enough. Seek care if you have the means. Forgive yourself if you already know this.

Selfcare. Examine yourself for neglect. Nutrition, exercise, enrichment, social need, and sleep are all part of the art process. Eat three meals and sleep 8 hours. That's your gaymer fuel. You deserve it, I promise. Depriving yourself of your needs will make your blocks worse, not kick you into making them better.

Identify potholes. Sketchbook falling apart? Tablet cord frayed? Half your pencils missing? Chair uncomfortable? Desk hard to reach? There's a lot of things that you tell yourself to work around and get over. Just because you CAN workaround something, doesn't mean you SHOULD. A difficult work environment can cause secret dread deep inside that you don't recognize and just think you're lazy. What you think of as "no motivation" might actually be "I don't want to deal with my tablet disconnecting every time I move it wrong and I have to wiggle it for a few seconds to make it work again." These little things are like potholes in the road. Sure you CAN still drive through them, but eventually you're going to look up and realize you haven't voluntarily left the house in weeks.

Repair potholes and roadblocks. You might feel bad about buying a new pencil, headphones, tablet, car, etc because technically the old one works if you hustle. But if you're running into so many potholes you've ground to a halt, it doesn't Actually work anymore, does it? Invest, save up, request, and require working equipment and suitable conditions. This stuff isn't just cushy privilege, it's an investment in yourself and your art. You are worth the effort it takes to clear the way. If you can't afford reliable (reliable! not perfect or luxurious) equipment, then say it. If cardboard is all you can afford, draw on cardboard. But know that you deserve canvas, and one day you might be able to make the jump. Acknowledge that sometimes, if you don't have it in you to smear burned twigs on wet cardboard, the problem isn't motivation, but opportunity.

- Haven't Drawn in So Long

A unique type of art block that self perpetuates. The thought of starting again is so stressful you can't do it. Or maybe you'll do it tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow for sure.

Face your fears. Are you ashamed of your lack of drawing? Are you anthropomorphizing your paper and thinking it's going to judge you, like "oh NOW you come back >:/" I internalize voices I hear and project them onto other people, concepts, locations, and inanimate objects. Your paper, computer, WIPs folder.... none of that is judging you.

Reframe your WIPs. Do you feel shame when you see "unfinished" projects? Why? Who says you MUST bring everything you start to Finish? You don't have to. A sketch is a finished art piece; it's called a sketch! If a sketch is a fully realized creation, pages that are half colored, 75% lined, or partially rendered are all fully realized creations too. Unless paid otherwise, art is done when you're done working on it.

Lower the stakes. Draw a chibi or grab some crayons. Get messy and slowly ease yourself back into the flow over the course of a couple days. It's fine.

Get a buddy! Find an art meme, do an art trade, get a study subject, or just wing it. Drawing art alongside someone can help you get past that block.

Pretend you never stopped. Don't think about the gap, how long it's been, or rustiness. As far as anyone knows, you drew the mona lisa yesterday and didn't break a sweat. Today, you drew a starfish on your hand with a gel pen. Keep up that streak, good job!

Just keep drawing. Make a goal to do one sucky drawing per day on the back of a napkin. Don't make up for missed days, just pretend they didn't happen. Who's going to judge you? The calendar? That's pieces of paper; it doesn't have an opinion. Draw a cat on it. Done. Keeping up the momentum is a great way to prevent art blocks in the future.

TLDR: Draw imperfectly and toss it. Selfcare is king. Draw often and don't judge yourself.

Art is a process, not a product.

[ofcloudsandstars]

April Magical Forecast

Welcome to April! This month seems to bring many days full of exciting transits, high energy aspects and a few aspects that really want us to heal and rethink how we exert our energy or seek control/submit to control and how to live more in balance and relinquish control on things that may not be so worth it. A lot of days have little to no transits just encouraging us to charge ahead, however on the days with notable transits we are tasked to heal and repair. Starting from the previous full moon in Libra which asked us to look at our relationships to others or our values and heal, we are lead into a new moon in Aries which wants us to start off the first lunar cycle of the zodiac year with self healing and reflection which will lead up to a super full moon at the end of the month which is has themes on power and restriction and our own source of empowerment. If you see the solar celebrations as a greater parallel to the lunar cycles, Spring Equinox and Aries season is similar to the first quarter moon phase where it is all about examining obstacles, planning strategies and facing challenges with courage. The April side of Aries season is about us finding strategy through healing and self examination where as Taurus season is when we make a solid commitment and charge ahead with our plans.

Week 1

1 - ☾♐ Moon enters Sagittarius

The first day of April starts off with the moon entering Sagittarius! There are no other notable transits today. When the moon is in Sagittarius we are feeling more optimistic and light hearted. This transit is good for taking time to enjoy yourself, socialize, working on expanding projects, channeling luck and prosperity and giving blessings.

2 - ☾♐ Disseminating Moon | Moon trine Sun Mercury in Pisces sextiles Pluto in Capricorn

Today may feel very reflective with the Disseminating moon trining the Sun in Aries and Mercury sextiling Pluto. The Disseminating moon already creates a theme of reflection of our progress during this lunar cycle. The Mercury x Pluto sextile adds depth and intensity to our thinking and conversations allowing our minds to penetrate deeper in our minds and others secrets. It's a good time for studying and research, uncovering the truth and shadow work as we may be able to understand the deeper hidden nature of ours and others motives clearer.

3 - ☾♑ Moon enters Capricorn

Today the moon enters Capricorn. There are no other notable transits so it will feel like a calmer day energetically. When the moon is in Capricorn it's a great time to get organized, tackle our responsibilities and to do lists, practice ancestral magic, mineral based magic (crystals, earth and metals), strengthening wards and boundaries.

_____________________

Week2

4 - ☾♑ Last Quarter Moon in Capricorn Mercury enters Aries

Mercury joins the Sun and Venus in Aries today bringing our mental focus to this fiery excitable energy. Our minds may be more focused on creating plans for quick action other than mulling things over. Communication becomes more candid and new ideas are more rampant. Though its an excitable time for new creations and charging forward, this placement is not too concerned with details and can make us dismissive to the fine lines of things which can end up in a lot of miscommunication and disharmony. As long as we are self aware we will have the mental drive to power through! This will be harmonious with the Last Quarter Moon's energy if we have any projects or goals this cycle to wrap up. We will reflect on our current obstacles with new insight and come up with new ideas to bring them to completion. Though Last Quarter Moon is great for reflection and meditation, with Mercury in Aries we may experience more excitable monkey mindedness than usual making meditation more challenging. Exercising reflection could come easier if we practice stream-of-conscious writing instead.

5 - ☾♒ Moon enters Aquarius

There are no notable transits today other than the Moon entering Aquarius. When the moon is in Aquarius it's a good time to try new things, expand our perspective, bring positive change our way, work with technology and experiment with storm and techno magic.

6 - ☾♒ Balsamic Moon | Moon Sextile Sun Venus in Aries trines Mars in Gemini

It will be an excitable day for socializing and dating with Venus trining Mars! This beneficial aspect brings balance to the loving harmonious sides of relationships to excitable physical interactions making it a great day for adventures with friends or exploring our sexuality with lovers. You can go after your desires, opportunities or even people you admire without coming on too strong as this energy brings balance to these areas. This energy is also fantastic for creative projects and our creativity will be stimulated. As the moon is waning, usually the Balsamic phase is great for clearing, cleansing and wrapping up projects before the new moon, however you can channel this energy towards your projects or adding some redecoration or beautiful pieces to your space. Creating something of beauty will give you much enjoyment and satisfaction.

There are some restrictions being lifted here (London) so it could be a good day to hang out in the park and catch up with a friend, however if you are in a safe environment where lockdown is over then it's a great day to catch up with people and have fun or meet a lover! (Attracting a new lover isn't a good time as the moon is waning but its ok for hookups).

7 - ☾♓ Moon enters Pisces

There are no notable transits today other than the Moon entering Pisces. However this energy is great to continue whatever you have been working on the previous day since the moon in Pisces can help elevate our creativity. When the moon is in Pisces it's a good time to be creative, artistic, work on art and water based magic, divining and dream oracling.

8 - ☾♓

There are no notable transits today other than the moon continuing it's transit in Pisces.

9 - ☾♓ Mercury conjunct Chiron in Aries Mars in Gemini squares Neptune in Pisces

Healing is key (literally ⚷) today as Mercury conjuncts Chiron in Aries. It will be a bit of a challenging day with Mars squaring Neptune to exacerbate things, however if we keep our distance, boundaries and practice self awareness, we should be fine. Chiron is a planet of healing but it shows us what needs to be healed through pain. If we have been overexerting ourselves or ignoring a health condition it can become center in our minds today. If we feel unconfident we can find ourselves stammering in our speech, not communicating clearly, feeling dumb or put down. However this planet has an alchemical power where it can take these areas that need help and show us where we can overcome them and even gain new abilities. If you take the time to do some shadow work and heal this conjunction can help us to learn how to speak freely and express ourselves. It wants to help us to own who we are and build our self esteem. It's ok to make mistakes and not everyone is meant to understand us, but don't let that shut you down. As you continue to express yourself you will be heard. An even higher manifestation of this conjunction is helping others to overcome their own issues with connection and communication. You can even find healing power in words. A great activity for this day would be to journal your thoughts. The Mars and Neptune square can stir up occasions for miscommunication and a fight from no where. This is a transit you would want to do energetic sheilding for and be aware of whos in your space. Especially with negative Neptune transit's it's a good time to protect your information and identity. This square can potentially bring suspicion, deceit, low energy, lies and scandal. Guilt is also possible along with self defeat. With this Chiron and Mercury conjunction this energy can weigh us down completely making us feel helpless. Yet through the low self esteem, paranoia and jealousy you can work through it and heal. Shadow work can help us to reveal any negative emotions we may be harboring and maybe scheduling an appointment with your therapist or someone trustworthy who has the energy to receive you could help. Do not over exert yourself today, Mars square Neptune can also bring us low immune defenses and illness (especially with the Chiron aspect). It's a good day to take it easy, practice self reflection, have boundaries and reach out if needed.

10 - ☾♈ Mercury in Aries sextiles Saturn in Aquarius Venus in Aries sextiles Jupiter in Aquarius Moon enters Aries

Today has two helpful sextiles which can make the day feel productive. With Mercury sextiling Saturn we will feel more organized and with Venus sextiling Jupiter we will be feeling more lucky and abundant than usual. Together we can find it easy to resolve issues with others, mentally focus on difficult tasks and learn hard material. It's a great day to review your finances or invest. We will have a lot of luck in the areas of money and abundance. With the moon in Aries it will feel like an excitable day. It's a great day to take advantage of by completing tasks and socializing.

_____________________

Week3

11 - ☾♈

There are no other notable transits today as the moon tours it's transit through Aries. When the moon is in Aries it's a good time for confronting any challenges, candle magic and other fire based magic. It's also a good day for clearing away anything before the New Moon starts a new lunar cycle tomorrow.

12 - ☾♈ New Moon in Aries Venus in Aries squares Pluto in Capricorn

It's a new lunar cycle! The new moon in Aries sets off a new cycle where we are to focus ourselves and our challenges that we must overcome. This new moon is highlighted by a Venus and Pluto square which can be illuminating as it can show where we may feel the need to control others or where we can be controlled or manipulated by people in relationships. If you feel you are the manipulator this energy is helping you to look within yourself and see where there could be fear stemming from that is causing you to feel that you need a controlling grip over others. The tension is illuminating a condition within yourself rather than the partner involved. It could highlight where you may feel possessive due to having a fear of your own self worth or loneliness. Alternatively if you are the one being manipulated this square can show you how to empower yourself and rise above the situation. This Aries lunar cycle is all about confronting our challenges so this energy will help set the tone for the lunar month ahead.

Some good rituals on this day would be to meditate and channel in the frequency of Mars, write down your challenges that you'd like to overcome, candle magic to channel in helpful energy or burning away representations of obstacles in your path. It's also a great day for tarot and other forms of divination for advice and writing down your intentions or creating a vision board for the cycle ahead.

13 - ☾♉ Moon enters Taurus

The moon enters Taurus today. There are no other notable transits  today. When the moon is in Taurus it's a good day for earth based magic, gardening, kitchen magic and food spells. It's also a great day for rest and self care.

14 - ☾♉ Venus enters Taurus Sun in Aries sextiles Mars in Gemini

Today will feel bright and exciting with the Sun in a sextile with Mars and Venus entering Taurus. Venus is at home in the sign of Taurus. The energy here is very sensual, pleasure seeking, tangible yet possessive. This dreamy energy helps to ground us within the season of Spring and seek out everything sensually pleasing. Physical touch is the heightened love language of this cycle and we will feel more drawn to things of high quality or sensually pleasureful. With the Sun and Mars sextile we will feel a positive fiery push to confront our obstacles, gain a boost of courage and tackle anything that we need to get done. This is a beneficial boost to use to your advantage in any areas you feel needs extra energy to tackle. If you currently don't have any idea of how to channel it well, then reflect back on your Aries new moon intentions. Use this energy wisely!

15 - ☾♊ Sun in Aries sextiles Jupiter in Aquarius Moon enters Gemini

It's another day of great energy with the Sun in a positive sextile with lucky Jupiter. This transit brings optimism, good luck and happiness. There are a lot of opportunities for positive circumstances to appear in your favor and you will realize that positive thinking will attract good fortune. This energy is great for using attraction magic for good positive opportunities or wealth and abundance. This transit also favors travel or planning trips and socializing. Even if you are unable to use this energy in action to align yourself with abundance, you can channel it through your magic with a candle spell to attract what you need.

16 - ☾♊ Sun in Aries squares Pluto in Capricorn

It's the bi-annual return of one of the most unpleasant transits (it's worse in Aries season than Libra though). When the Sun squares Pluto it increases the need to be in control but leads to ego conflicts with other powerful people or authority figures. Butting heads can lead to huge blow out fights or destructive behavior. Such challenges can force us to make a major change or pigeon hole us in a corner. However like all challenging aspects this transit wants to help us to heal. When we are aware of the reasons why we need control we can make more logical decisions. We may either need to leave the environment, find a way to strengthen boundaries or find out that it could be related to triggering memories we need to let go. Aside from what you could be going through emotionally today, it's a good day for energy sheilding and keeping good boundaries from others you may have to be around.

17 - ☾♊ Waxing Crescent | Sun Sextile Moon Mars in Gemini trines Jupiter in Aquarius Mercury in Aries sextiles both Jupiter in Aquarius and Mars in Gemini

It's all about confronting your challenges today!! There are a bundle of fiery transits wanting you to push yourself to overcome anything in your way! With the Sun sextile the moon it's a great day to reflect on your new moon in Aries intentions and take action on them. The waxing crescent is a time for experimentation and first tries so don't worry about the details, just give it your all. Mars is in a super positive trine with Jupiter which gives us luck wherever we apply our courage. If you go after whatever you want today with full confidence you can get it. Lastly Mercury is in a sextile with both Jupiter and Mars. This energy will give us the motivational push to be driven to succeed and apply our mental abilities and planning. With mercury sextiling Jupiter it can make us plan more than we can deal with, however if this energy is used as a boost of optimism we can conquer anything today!

It's a super lucky day, the only magic I could suggest doing is positive glamour spells and attraction magic, yet it's a day best for taking action and going after what you need.

_____________________

Week 4

18 - ☾♋ Moon enters Cancer

There are no other notible transits today other than the moon entering Cancer. When the moon is in Cancer it's a good day for home based magic (bath magic, gardening, kitchen magic etc), cleansing your space, self nurturing, shadow work and emotional healing and water based magic.

19 - ☾♋ Sun enters Taurus Mercury enters Taurus Sun conjunct Mercury in Taurus

We made it!! We enter the middle of Spring as the Sun enters Taurus today! It's time for peace, for sensuality, for sitting under a blooming tree in some flowy dress eating sweets, for relaxing and less stress as Aries season comes to an end. Mercury follows the Sun into Taurus today and the two will be in conjunct. We will feel more perceptive of our mental state during this transit and able to retain more information. It's a good transit for learning, focusing and paying attention to details. When mercury is in Taurus our minds and projects come to a slower pace. However this cycle can help us to create a strong and decisive focus on one project or goal so we can see it to it's completion. We are less scattered, however we are also focused on the sensual and it's a good time to mind our finances.

20 - ☾♌ First Quarter Moon in Leo

It's time for reflection and strategizing with the first quarter moon. It's good to think back on our intentions set during the New Moon in Aries and it's themes such as our need for control or if others have been controlling us. The waxing crescent was about us confronting our challenges and taking action towards our obstacles. However if we've met any set backs or still feel restricted, that will be felt during this first quarter moon which asks us to go back to the drawing board and revise and strategize before moving forward. What is working and what isn't working in your current journey? This moon may bring out the drama and the power struggles as it shines in Leo. It can also help us to focus on ourselves in this journey, our creations and our self esteem. Where can we boost ourselves up in order to move forward? Some good activities for this moon is creating positive affirmations, tarot to divine advice and do barrier breaking magic to help undo obstacles in our way.

21 - ☾♌

There are no other notable transits today other than the moon in Leo. When the moon is in Leo it is great to practice self love magic, creativity and self expression as well as any light, solar and fire based magic.

22 - ☾♍ Waxing Gibbous | Sun Trines Moon Moon enters Virgo

When the Sun trines the moon it's a great time to take action as it's a lucky transit. It's very harmonious energy yet when used wisely it can help us to excel forward. Look back to your strategies and the themes of the First Quarter Moon in Leo. What do you need to work on and reaccess? Especially with the moon now in problem solving Virgo it's a good time to get organized and get tasks done.

23 - ☾♍ Mars enters Cancer Venus conjunct Uranus in Taurus

An energetic shift occurs today as Mars enters Cancer, changing our general feelings of motivation for the next two months. Mars is not it's most productive in Cancer. We may feel more passionate about our desires however our goals and plans are at the mercy of our mood swings. It's all depending on if we feel like doing it and if we aren't in the mood then it simply ain't getting done. Aggression is more defensive than offensive and we go about things whether its our goals or arguments in a passive way. Mars in Cancer is a great transit to protect what we love and uplift our loved ones. It's good energy to put towards your friends and community instead of focusing on individual goals. Today is colored by Venus and Uranus aligning in the sky bringing in an exciting yet potentially chaotic day of surprises in the areas of love, finances and our values. This can mean a whole array of possibilities depending on our paths. It can mean meeting a new partner (whether that be a friend or lover- this transit can bring new exciting encounters but they may not last long. Just someone to come in and spice up your day), having unexpected changes in our finance, either earning or losing money, changing up something in our relationship (especially if it feels stagnant there can be an urge to spice things up or break free), or even a sudden gift or new passion. Be wary with the elements of finance cause this transit can create impulsive shopping. Just remember to spend within your budget.

24 - ☾♎ Mercury conjunct Uranus in Taurus Moon enters Libra

There is great mental energy in the air today as Mercury conjuncts Uranus in Taurus. This union stimulates our thinking and adds extra excitement to our daily routines, ideas and creativity. We are more able to create something original or come up with great new ideas. This transit can also lead to flashes of insights and breakthroughs. It's a really good day to practice meditation and channel higher cosmic energy for new insight and to help expand our perspective. If you do feel like you are looking for the 'answers' to something or need a new perspective this is a good day to tap into Uranus's energy and meditate using binural beats that focuses on our crown's energy pool. It's a great time for experimentation but not so great for making plans. Unexpected news can arrive today but make sure to not jump into any conclusions yet.

_____________________

Week 5

    25 - ☾♎ Mercury conjunct Venus in Taurus Venus and Mercury in Taurus squares Saturn in Aquarius

There is energy today that is pushing us to make commitments to what we think is worth it. This energy is helping us to align ourselves with our true needs before we enter the full moon phase. With Mercury and Venus conjunct we will be able to easily express what we love and have everything and everyone that we love on our minds. This can make us more aware of our values and passions. During this transit we can make good negotiations and peaceful settlements with the energies combined and improved our troubled relationships. Both planets would be squaring Saturn in Aquarius forcing us to reflect on the foundations of our relationships and our energies spent towards our passions. If we haven't been giving enough energy towards it then we can feel more somber than usual but it's just a sign that we need to prioritize our time better. If things are going well this energy will push us to want to make amends to anything and put extra work towards the areas that Venus rule. The lunar energy is slightly inconjunct so there can be challenges and disharmony arising. These could be apart of the lessons shaking our foundations and showing us where we need to apply our focus. It is not the best time for any manifestation or attraction magic yet but just to amend anything that needs mending.

26 - ☾♏ Moon enters Scorpio

The moon is not yet in it's full moon phase but we will feel it nearly peaked and it will feel more intense than usual as it will be closer to Earth (making it a Super Full Moon once it peaks). There are no notable transits today other than the moon entering Scorpio. When the moon is in Scorpio it’s a good day for shadow work, energy work, spirit work and hedge witchcraft.

27 - ☾♏ Super Full Moon Pluto enters retrograde -until Oct 6th

We are nearly at the end of the month and the peak of the Lunar cycle with the Full Moon in Scorpio. What this full moon signifies in Taurus season is a chance for us to dive deep into our feelings and uncover truths. This moon will feel more intense than usual and appear much larger in the sky since it is a Super Full Moon. It will be closer in it's elliptical orbit to Earth. With the Scorpio full moon we are less interested in the physical material world and more about the emotional and spiritual as this moon seeks for us to confront any challenges bothering us on a deep level in our lives and finding ways to banish or transform them. This coincides with Pluto's retrograde that wants us to dive deep, connect with ourselves on a soul level, confront any fears that disempowers us and find our source of empowerment again. Pluto retrograde can cause us to surrender our grip of power on things that may no longer serve us or if someone else is manipulating or stifling us it's time for us to leave the situation. It is a time for elimination and our controlling habits, compulsions, addictions and possessiveness will be subject to fated events and or themes that will force us to change these behaviors. Pluto will retrograde until early October. We may see shifts in power happen globally and even shifts in currency (the Capricorn nature of it). On a macrocosmic level there can be movements to bring change to manipulative and oppressive systems. On a microcosmic level we will be asked to do this changes from within.

Some great activities on this full moon will be for banishment, deep shadow work especially in areas regarding your resources, self worth and abundance and attraction magic for what you need to thrive (just make sure its nothing that feeds the ego because with the retrograding Pluto energy that will just come with a karmic lesson you don't want).

28 - ☾♐ Moon enters Sagittarius

There are no notable transits today other than the moon entering Sagittarius. When the moon is in Sagittarius we will feel more optimistic than usual and very sociable. When the moon is in Sagittarius it’s a good day for abundance magic and luck spells.

29 - ☾♐

There are no notable transits today either other than the moon wrapping up it's transit in Sagittarius.

30 - ☾♑ Sun conjunct Uranus in Taurus Mercury in Taurus sextiles Neptune in Pisces Moon enters Capricorn Witches Night

Today will feel Exciting! Explosive! Full of Surprises!! There is high energy in the air today thanks to the Sun and Uranus aligned in the sky. This brings sudden surprises, eccentric encounters, unexpected change, freedom and rebellion. We will feel a need to break free from routine and spice up our lives. Just be wary to not rebel or cause chaos for the sake of it. Remaining flexible and open minded can certainly increase the chance of more thrilling experiences and opportunities for us to expand our sense of perception and greater awareness. To add to this energy Mercury will sextile Neptune making it a very magical and creative day. We will feel the mental push to be more artistically expressive, creative and seek escapism. This energy has a lot of potential for us to create something new and original or find greater insight while we could be astral traveling, dreaming or creating. It's a great day for art, healthy escapism through art and meditating.

Tonight is also the eve of High Spring or Beltane. In some countries and communities this evening is known as Witches Night. This is a sabbat celebrated when witches gather at the highest point (like a hill or mountain) and dance around a bonfire to welcome the lighter, warmer and longer days arriving while banishing the winter spirits and anything we no longer want to carry with us. Witches night actually has Christian origins (actually to banish witches and other evils using fire lol) yet it's become popular to celebrate in witch, pagan and occult circles and often is a fiery celebration to honor the Eve of Beltane as it has similar themes of welcoming the warmer half of the year. (Plus many celebrate Beltane using fire as well.) It would be a good evening to have a bonfire if you have access to a fire pit and celebrate the warmer months ahead!

[bluesfortheredj]

A spanner in the works.

Your forehead is resting on the cold, hard kitchen table and the warm breath passing through your open lips is making your face hotter than it already is; it’s an uncomfortable position but the thudding pain in your head is even worse than your current pose so it’s the lesser of two evils right now and there’s something comforting about being curled over while feeling so ill. The last time you looked at the clock it was something past 3 in the morning and you’d escaped the bedroom as quietly as possible so as to not wake Gwilym from his much needed sleep. You were hoping that the tablet you’d taken when you got to the kitchen would work it’s magic on your migraine and you’d be feeling fine for the day ahead but it was looking less likely with each passing second of excruciating pain.

“(Y/N)?” Gwil whispers groggily from the doorway, “are you alright?”

You’re unable to lift your head so you give him a thumbs down and a groan of pain to go along with it, then you hear him sigh sadly before feeling him take a seat next to you.

“Do you want anything?” he asks quietly as he places a hand on top of yours.

The response is a slow shake of your head from side to side on the hard wood and he grimaces at the thought of your head rolling about on the rough surface.

“Lift your head darling, please,” he encourages, squeezing your hand.

You groan again as you slowly lift it up, squinting into the dim light coming from the hallway, and he can see the large dark circles underneath your eyes that indicate it’s a particularly bad attack.

“Oh, (Y/N),” he pouts, “sweetheart, come to bed.”

“I can’t...” you begin, unable to finish your sentence.

“I’ve got you.”

He stands up then squats next to you and scoops you from the chair as you manage to move your arms up and around his neck, then he carries you gently up the stairs and back into the bedroom where he carefully places you down onto the mattress and rushes to turn off the landing light. You soon drift off to leave Gwil alone with his thoughts, and he opens up his bedside table drawer to lift out a small box that was meant to be the main focus of tomorrow. His eyes move from the burgundy velvet box over to your face which was etched with pain even in sleep and he flicks the lid open to check the ring is still there before shutting it quietly and placing it back in the drawer. He couldn’t help but feel a deep disappointment at your plans for the day being thrown into jeopardy by one of your migraine attacks, but he knew that you’d be feeling just as down about it even though you hadn’t a clue as to the real reason for your outing.

“Gwil?” you croak out in the darkness.

“Yes love?”

“I’m so sorry,” you apologise before drifting off again but seconds later.

Gwilym smiles to himself at your slurred sorry then leans over and kisses the side of your head delicately, “don’t be darling,” he whispers.

The next morning you wake to find an empty spot next to you in bed and your arm glides over the space lazily as you try to focus your thoughts and clear the fog that had gathered around your brain from last night’s painful interruption of sleep. When your eyes decide to finally sharpen for a brief moment you see the clock already reading 11am, and you pout sadly at the thought that you should be sipping coffee in central London with the love of your life instead of stuck in bed feeling like shit. As if he knows what you’re thinking, Gwil pops his head around the door and opens it fully when he sees that you’re now awake.

“Hey you,” he smiles, “how are you feeling?”

He perches himself on the edge of the bed as his fingers weave their way through your tangled hair, smoothing it and tucking it behind your ears as he goes, and you give him a weak smile back along with a shaky thumbs up.

“I’m sorry I’ve ruined our day,” you sigh, “I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks.”

Today was meant to be for the two of you to do things you hadn’t for a while; get a morning coffee, stroll the streets of London, go to the cinema, and then top it off with a meal at the beautiful restaurant Gwilym had taken you to on your first date. The romance of it all had you weak at the knees, and the dizzy heights of love must have been the cause of this particular migraine.

“It doesn’t matter,” he reassures, pausing his movements through your hair so he can stroke his thumb along your cheek, “we’ll do something tomorrow when you’re feeling a little better, yeah?”

“It won’t be as good as today was going to be though, will it?”

“Of course it will! I’ll be spending it with you, so what on earth makes you think it won’t be as good?”

“You’re too nice to me,” you blush, bringing a hand up to your face and covering your eyes shyly.

His lips turn up into a grin that shows off his pearly whites and you melt at the sight from behind your fingers, “I’ll make you some toast,” he says as he takes your hand away from your face and kisses the back of it.

You spend most of the day either laying in bed or laying on the sofa watching him type away at his laptop and staring at the screen intently, and by nightfall you’re just about feeling ready for a small outing the next day.

Gwilym’s still fast asleep when you wake earlier than usual thanks to the naps and rest you got the previous day, and you manage to shower and dress before he even opens an eye lid. He finds you downstairs on the sofa with a plate perched precariously on your lap as you watch the telly, and it takes you a moment to realise he’s there from how much concentration it’s taking you to listen to what’s going on and process it inside your still lagging brain.

“So where do you fancy going today then?” he asks when you finally turn to see him.

“I was thinking the Tate Britain, but we don’t have to if you don’t want to of course, I just don’t think I can handle coffee, a huge cinema screen, and any rich food today,” you laugh, grimacing a little as you place a hand on your stomach, “we’re a little delicate this morning.”

“Sounds perfect,” he sighs happily, “I’ll get ready.”

He bounds down the stairs less than an hour later, shoves some toast into his mouth, then drags you out to the car in an excited whirlwind and you’re left laughing at his enthusiasm as he helps you with your seatbelt. No words are uttered during the drive but the radio fills any silences and you both end up dancing to the same songs when you hit a spot of traffic which says more than any sentence could. Luckily there’s plenty of space to park outside the gallery on a Sunday and you’re soon clambering out of the car and making your way inside hand in hand. It’s exciting; you hadn’t been here in a long time, and it was the perfect remedy for your spoiled Saturday with a nice calm atmosphere where you could take your time wandering around the galleries. Your hands refuse to let go of one another as you make your way around the first part, and wherever he goes you do to until you move into the next space and a David Hockney catches your eye. Gwilym hangs around on the other side of this room, watching you carefully as he stays out of your eye line and simply enjoys the way you inspect every single detail inside the picture, then he taps his pocket to make sure the little box is still tucked away safely before he makes his way over to you.

“There you are!” you whisper excitedly as you link your arms around his nearest one to you and cuddle it close so you can rest your head on his coat, “if you had to pick one work of art from this room to have in our house, which would you choose?”

“Are we art thieves now?” he smirks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Maybe...” you reply with a cheeky grin.

“Well then… I’d better make it a good choice,” he hums, looking around the room and guiding you both to the lone bench in the middle, “right… okay… I’d go with Scylla over there.”

“A conversational piece, of course,” you nod, “something you can judge a person by when they say what they see in the image.”

“You know me too well.”

You shuffle closer to him on the bench and rest your head on his shoulder with a contented sigh, and the two of you stare at the wall of paintings in front of you in a blissful silence until you feel Gwil rooting around in the pocket of his coat, and he takes a quick glance around the room to make sure you’re both alone before he breaks the peacefulness with a deep breath.

“(Y/N)...” he says, almost nervously which makes you lift your head to see if he was okay, “I, uh… I have a question...”

“I’d steal R.B.K.” you grin as you nod towards the brightly coloured painting adjacent to the two of you, “it reminds me of waiting for you to come home when you’ve been away for a while; me, the blue figure staring out of the window as I wait for my love to return, signified quite aptly by the red heart.”

Gwil smiles as you drag your eyes away from the painting towards his face, and he can no longer keep the words inside, “will you marry me?” he blurts out, bringing his other hand in to view with the now open ring box clutched in his palm.

You flinch back from him but your arm stays linked with his and you glance from his hand to his face at least five times before opening and closing your mouth like a fish out of water as your brain tries to process what’s going on. Tears prick your eyes as you realise this beautiful man in front of you wants to actually spend the rest of his life with you, and a gasp finally makes its way up into your throat.

Gwilym looks at you anxiously as the seconds seems to drag on like minutes, “you don’t-”

“Yes!” you half laugh, half cry, “yes I will. Of course I will. Are you sure?”

He laughs as he too begins to tear up a little, “I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life.”

You shake your head in disbelief as he gets the ring out of the box, takes your hand, then slips the silver band down your finger until it lands safely at the base, and you’re both left staring in awe at the piece of jewellery that now sits where it’s meant to be. The gallery is still as quiet as when you walked in, not a soul around you as you soak in the sheer joy you’re both feeling, and you tilt your head up to kiss his waiting lips before cuddling into his side once more; the two of you now wearing the giddiest of grins.

Gwilym proposing. That’s it that’s the plot. I trust you to do it however you want! That’s my request, write how you wanna be proposed, make it with Gwil (and cute pls)

@painthatiusedto @winnielinleigh @queenslandlover-93 @excellentbecca @peachllobotomy @lovemarvelousfics @lovemelikeyou1997 @readinghorn @godohammers @timeandpixiedust @lv7867 @fuckyou-imspiderman @aynsleywalker @the-baby-bookworm @chlobo6 @drivenbybri

[thespianbooks]

A Court of Nightmares and Starlight //Chapter 5//

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10)

(Tags: @thron3ofbooks @df3ndyr @courtofjurdan @art-e-mis @herondamnn @the-third-me @im-still-trying-here @emikadreams @paytin77)

It was all I could do to keep from bursting into joyous tears as Madja announced that I was ten weeks along in my pregnancy. Upon revealing that my suspicions were true, she completed a thorough examination. She determined that since I was in the early stages, that was the cause of lingering sickness and fatigue. Unfortunately, those symptoms would continue until I was about halfway along; where most females felt the best and most of the unlikeable symptoms eased a bit. I was also surprised to learn that a fae pregnancy lasts five weeks longer than a human’s, but it made sense on a larger scale. As powerful immortal beings, we needed more time in the womb to develop.

After her examination, she prescribed a few prenatal herbal teas that I would need to drink in order to aid in the baby’s growth. I smiled at the word, brushing my fingertips along my abdomen again—knowing this would become a new habit for me, and for Rhys. A baby, our baby, growing strong inside of me as Madja promised. He would be as strong as his father, the most powerful High Lord in Prythian, and with my powers combined…

My smile faltered as I realized what this meant.

Years ago, Rhys confided in me about his concern over any potential offspring he might have, afraid they would be hunted and sought after by his enemies. If his children inherited his abilities alone, they would be just as powerful. What did that threat mean now with my blood mixed in?

Cursebreaker. Cauldron-blessed. The first ever High Lady in Prythian, who inherited a drop of power from all seven of the High Lords after being resurrected.

What powers would my child inherit from me? Combined with Rhys’s, our child’s strength would surpass both of ours alone; which meant the same for all the other High Lords of Prythian. We had alliances now, but how many of those would change after they learned about my son? After they saw a fraction of their power in him, in combination with Rhysand’s? My mind began to race and breathing became difficult as I looked down at my stomach, my fingers gripping my tunic in panic. Would he be in danger? Who were we close enough with to know that they would never consider such a thing? What if they came after him before he was born? Would they target me? I had to do something, but what if there was nothing I could do?

I had to protect him—my baby.

Protect, protect, protect.

“My lady,” a gentle voice interrupted the rising chaos in my mind, even gentler hands gripping my shoulders and I saw the healer’s dark eyes meet mine as she leveled a look at me.

I became aware of my ragged breathing, hunched back and tense shoulders, trembling. Her delicate, wrinkled hands moved from my shoulders to either side of my face. A blue aura illuminated those hands as they touched my face, and slowly I calmed. Slowly, my shoulders relaxed and I slid my eyes closed as my breaths evened out, a few tears escaping past my lids.

After a few seconds of that peace, Madja slowly let go of my face and straightened, “You mustn’t be afraid, my lady. Your child will be a very powerful high fae, but you are surrounded by friends—family. The uncertainty the future brings may be frightening, but there is also joy in it,” she said gently as she handed me a handkerchief. “That is what you must focus on right now. The joy in a healthy and developing baby.”

I sniffed as I dabbed at my eyes, nodding in agreement “Thank you Madja. I just felt so overwhelmed for a minute,” I lamented.

“Oh, I see this reaction more often than you would believe. First time mothers have many fears, and you will be no different. Just remember the joy in it,” she reassured.

She was right, I couldn’t allow the fear to consume me. I wouldn’t let it control me or take away from this moment of happiness. This baby, our son, was a miracle. Fae children were difficult to conceive, but Rhys and I had done it. We were going to have a baby; over half a millennia later one would be born into the Night Court’s ruling family—my family. He would be cherished by our Inner Circle, and loved by the people of Velaris; just as they loved Rhys. My heart swelled as I pictured what the moment of joy would look like on his face when I told him; how those violet eyes would brighten and sparkle like the stars and how he would grin. I wanted to paint that moment more than anything, and now after a decade of waiting, I finally would.

“Shall I call the High Lord in for the good news?” she asked as she began packing up her bag of supplies.

“Oh no, please don’t tell him yet,” I urged and she raised an amused brow at me as I flushed, “I want to surprise him...tomorrow at Starfall.”

She nodded her understanding, “I see,” she said as she finished packing and grabbed my hands, squeezing them lightly. “The High Lord will be thrilled, my lady,” she said, and the genuine delight in her voice caused my eyes to burn.

She laughed heartily at the silver lining my eyes, “Expect more of that. Your hormones will cause plenty of surges in your emotions,” she explained empathetically.

I grimaced, “In other words, I’ll be an emotional mess.”

She laughed again and patted my hands, “All completely normal. For now, drink that brew of herbs I gave you three times a day, get plenty of rest, and I will be back next week to check your progress.”

I nodded and walked her to the door of my bedroom, “Thank you Madja,” I said.

“You’re welcome my lady,” she said sweetly before leaving me alone with my thoughts.

I touched my stomach tentatively, knowing underneath layers of skin and muscle my child was growing—safely. He was finally real; a manifestation of the love Rhys and I had for each other. So far, only the healer and I knew of his existence, and soon Rhysand would know as well. For the moment, I caressed my still flat stomach and cherished this little time we had alone.

XXX

The hours leading up to our Starfall celebration would be torturous.

Once I emerged from my room and the healer left, everyone was eager to hear her diagnosis of my condition. I did my best to reassure them all that I was perfectly fine, and simply needed more time to recover from my previous illness. Not a complete lie, but I knew they were all unconvinced—especially my mate. I immediately knew that keeping up a façade would be difficult, but luckily, I had plenty of experience with masks of deception. Years in the Night Court with occasional appearances in the Court of Nightmares, and serving as High Lady would certainly assist me in hiding my pregnancy for at least the next twenty-four hours or so.

Later, after we turned in for the night, Rhys begged for a detailed account of Madja’s official diagnosis. I again had to convince him that I was all right, which was technically true. I was pregnant, not sick; so aside from my body working hard to grow a high fae baby, I was fine. An hour into him trying to pry me for more information, I finally managed to silence him by pushing him onto the bed and straddling his hips. This morning however, was more of a struggle. Madja warned me that the fatigue would linger throughout the next several months of my pregnancy, but I soon realized it was going to be an uphill battle to force myself from bed, let alone try and convince my mate that I was still on the road to recovery.

Thankfully, Starfall was finally here; one of our rare days off, and I could use it to my advantage. It had been a while since we spent a day alone together; in the weeks that followed since his return from the Illyrian mountains, we fell back into our regular routine with our schedules as High Lord and Lady. Despite our initial reunion and the brief mating frenzy renewed, which caused us to sneak away from time to time throughout the day, we still attended to our responsibilities. But today was our holiday, and a year from now our child would be here to celebrate his first Starfall. Soon it would no longer be just the two of us, my sisters and our Inner Circle; soon there would be an infant for us to raise and love, so I wanted to continue to take advantage of our time alone while we still had it.

I convinced Rhys to let us spend the morning in bed together, where we took our time worshipping each other's bodies, ate a hearty breakfast and lounged together well into the afternoon. By lunchtime, I felt my energy renew and we enjoyed our lunch in the gardens before we parted to finalize last minute details for the party. Traditionally, that meant Mor and I attended to any directions Elain might have for us and the Illyrians did...well whatever they liked to do before a party.

“They’re probably at Rita’s right now having drinks,” Mor wondered aloud as she and I rearranged the refreshments table in the grand hall.

I stepped back to review my work, and shrugged, “Maybe, but there’s plenty of drinks here, so that doesn’t make much sense,” I reasoned.

“Neither does ‘I’m getting over a cold, I promise,’” she mocked.

I glared at her, but she threw her head back with a laugh, “Don’t look so serious Feyre, whatever secret you have is safe with me.”

I bristled, moving to fuss with a flower arrangement by the table, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said as casually as I could.

“I’ve been keeping a secret for most of my existence, Feyre, I think that makes me an expert,” she said.

I paused and looked her way, “Mor-” I began but she held a hand up to stop me.

“Like I said, it's safe with me,” she said and a look of understanding silently passed between us before she turned to the next task Elain set out for her.

Maybe she did already know, and maybe she didn’t. Either way, I believed that she wouldn’t reveal it to Rhys or anyone else for that matter. I took a step back again to examine the room, happy with the decorations Elain meticulously had installed every year. Sparkling bowls of fae lights lit the room in a warm glow, allowing the white marble floors and moonstone columns to illuminate naturally. The delicate chiffon curtains adorning the windowless arched walls were decorated with tiny sparkles of fae light, a design Elain created herself, and accentuated the varying shades of cream, ivory and silver flower arrangements spread out throughout the room. They framed the horizon perfectly and opened up to the expansive veranda that led right into the gardens, allowing guests to move in and out of the estate easily and a perfect view of the spirits' journey across the night sky as we all danced. It was initially my idea to host the people of Velaris in the grand hall, remembering that these were the kind of memories I wanted to make in our new home.

I touched my stomach briefly when Mor wasn’t looking. What would he look like in a year? He would be too small to run around and try to disturb any decorations, so perhaps I would walk him around the estate and show off all the adornments before Rhys and I would put him to bed. We’d no doubt be exhausted, but happy. Maybe we’d celebrate Starfall privately in our suite, just the three of us. I felt that glimmer in the pit of my stomach and I smiled. Would you like that, little one? I thought to myself, wondering if he could hear me.

“It’s perfect!” Elain cheered as she and Nesta walked into the room.

I quickly moved my hand from my stomach as I turned to face them, but not fast enough for Nesta not to take notice. Thankfully, she only raised a perfectly arched brow at me, “Shouldn’t you be getting ready? Your guests will be arriving shortly,” she reminded me.

I nodded, “I was just about to leave,” I said as I looked over their attire.

Elain wore a delicate soft pink strapless A-line gown with a glitter ombre falling from her bust line down to the floor; a braid crowning the top of her head with the rest of her hair flowing just past her shoulders. Nesta, as conservative as ever, wore a long-sleeved gown in a similar fashion, only in a deep violet with a more subtle glittering effect. Her hair was pulled back in a loosely braided bun, a few loose strands of curls framing her face. Despite her controlled face and aloof attitude, I was glad Nesta still joined us after Cassian all but dragged her here for our first celebration in the estate years ago.

“Nuala and Cerridwen are waiting for you in your suite, Feyre. You go get dressed, and I’ll greet everyone, don’t worry,” Elain said sweetly, brushing her hands over her gown when she realized I was looking, silently asking for my approval.

“Just as she does every year,” Nesta interjected as I offered Elain a nod of assent.

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and began walking out, “I’ll be back with Rhys before it starts,” I said and made my way back up to my suite.

As Nuala and Cerridwen began my dressing routine, I began to play different scenarios of the speech I would give Rhys when I announced my pregnancy. Only to realize I didn’t really have a speech at all, and began scrambling for one. As memorable as I wanted this moment to be, I was sincerely lacking in creativity and eloquence. I sighed in defeat as I stood before the mirror, checking over my appearance—the same blue-white liquid starlight gown I adorned every year, and my hair swept away from my face with the same diamond studded combs I wore on my first Starfall. In an attempt to make tonight more memorable for Rhys, I wanted to recreate our first celebration together; I asked the shadowed-twins to style me the same way they had that night.

After dismissing themselves, I ran tentative fingers along my abdomen again before inhaling a deep and anxious breath. “Let’s go tell your father,” I said quietly, resigned with the fact that I would just have to wing whatever speech I would give Rhys for the news.

XXX

An hour into the party, after mingling with our friends and guests, the estate’s lights dimmed naturally and everyone began pooling out into the veranda as the star-spirits began their glittering descent. The sky was soon decorated with the spirits twirling and sparkling forms as the guests cheered with raised champagne glasses.

“Raise a glass, my love,” Rhys purred in my ear as he stepped up behind me, his chest brushing against my back as he offered the glass before me.

I hesitated, knowing it probably wasn’t wise to drink now that I knew I was expecting, but took the glass anyway before turning to face him, “Let’s go to our balcony,” I said as I straightened the collar of his traditional black jacket, tracing over the silver-lined pattern on his lapels lightly.

“Now?” He asked with his smug feline grin, “Usually we stay at least an hour after the dancing’s begun.”

“I know, but,” I paused, chewing over what to say next, “I wanted to ask you something.”

Something you can’t ask me around our guests? He asked through the bond, his feline grin turning into a teasing one

I rolled my eyes before brushing past him and striding down the hall, not bothering to look back to make sure he was coming. Well?

“Oh, I’m right behind you Feyre darling,” he purred in my ear again as his hand brushed over the small of my back, walking in step with me to the hall leading to our balcony.

“As you should be,” I said haughtily.

His dark chuckle reverberated through me, my stomach fluttering as I fought a smile and we stepped onto the balcony together. I walked up to the railing, setting my champagne glass aside and stared up at the sky as the star-spirits continued to sparkle and dance. Rhys’s fingers brushed up and down my spine softly as he watched with me, both of us in a comfortable silence. I watched from the corner of my eye as the stars illuminated his handsome face, a warm smile on his lips and I reached a hand down to hold his.

He turned that smile to me, “What did you want to ask me, my love?”

My heart skipped a beat as a question I was genuinely curious about popped into my mind, “What’s the first memory you have of Starfall?” I asked.

“That’s what you dragged me out here in the cold for?” He asked with a smirk, moving to stand behind me as he slid his arms around my waist and rested his chin atop the crown of my head.

I leaned into his embrace, perching my arms on his. I really do want to know

His sigh was peaceful as he contemplated, searching his memory as we continued to watch the sparkling display. Should I show you or do you want me to tell you?

“Tell me,” I answered quietly. My mind too tangled a mess to allow myself into his without the possibility of revealing my secret prematurely.

His arms tightened around me slightly as he smiled into my hair, “I was five years old. My mother and father brought me to the House of Wind, as they did every year. It was the first I managed to stay awake long enough to actually see the star-spirits,” he explained.

Gentle swells of music began to play behind us, and he swayed us from side to side smoothly. “It was years before they began to drift apart, so their relationship was strong. I remember it was the first time I realized how much they actually loved each other; for a time at least. I used to wonder how honest their love actually was, and my mind would always drift back to the memories of them dancing together on Starfall to remind me. It was also the night my mother announced she was pregnant with my sister.

“We were on the balcony at the House of Wind, watching the star shower. I was sitting on my father's shoulders, pointing out every spirit I saw. I was completely in awe of them. I think seeing my reaction made my mother cry, and when my father asked her what was wrong, she said to him ‘I can’t wait for our next child to look at the stars the way he does.’ The look on his face; the genuine elation in his eyes was enough to convince me that, for at least a part of my childhood, they had real love for each other.”

My eyes burned and my throat thickened as he relayed his memories, holding me close as we continued to sway together as the music continued to play. I moved to squeeze his hands lightly, his arms still wrapped around me from behind.

“That’s a beautiful memory, Rhys,” I whispered, my tears still threatening to spill.

He moved to bury his face in the crook of my neck, planting a kiss there as he breathed a peaceful sigh through his nose; still moving us along to the music, “Beautiful as it may be, my favorite Starfall memory will always be the first we shared together Feyre darling,” he whispered back.

I couldn’t help the few tears that fell as I closed my eyes with a smile, squeezing his hands a little harder. Words failed me in that moment and I opened my eyes again, both of our gazes turning to the sky as a large sprite glittered close to us. I gasped as the star-spirits began vaulting across the sky in greater numbers. They decorated the horizon in an endless dance—like liquid starlight sparkling above us as they danced and twirled. I heard the excited cheers of our guests on the other side of the estate and grinned. Mor was right, this year the spirits returned in vast amounts, unlike I ever imagined or thought possible.

A thought for a thought, Feyre darling?

I smiled and grabbed his hands, moving them from my waist and resting them on my abdomen right as that glimmer pulsed through it. “I’m thinking, I can’t wait for our baby to look at the stars the way you do,” I said.

Rhys stiffened at my words and I turned in his arms, making sure his hands stayed on my stomach as my eyes met his, my eyes burning again “I’m pregnant, Rhys.”

His eyes widened and looked down at where our hands rested, as though he might see the evidence now that I said the words aloud. A second later he dropped to one knee before me, eye level with our joined hands as he caressed my stomach fondly.

His eyes, now lined with silver, met mine again, “You’re pregnant?” He choked out.

I nodded with a sob, my words failing me once again and he sucked in a breath as he looked at my abdomen again. “My son, the son you showed me on your birthday, is growing inside of you...now?” He asked, his throat thick.

I sobbed again, a wet laugh escaping as I nodded, “That’s what pregnant means,” I rasped.

I heard his own strangled sob before he shot up to his feet, pulling me into an embrace and lifting me off the ground as he spun me around, chanting my name over and over again. “FeyreFeyreFeyre,” he sobbed in my hair.

I laughed and sobbed and cried all at once, my arms wrapping around his shoulders as he planted me back onto the ground and held onto my waist. His forehead rested against mine and I brought my hands up to brush his tears away while my own shamelessly poured down my cheeks.

“When I first noticed how different your scent was, I thought it was possible, but I didn’t want to say anything and get our hopes up,” he explained as he brought his hands up to wipe my tears away as well.

“You were suspicious this whole time?” I sniffed with a laugh.

“You’re my mate, I knew something was going on, but you didn’t even seem to realize it so I didn’t say anything,” he said, thumbs running over my cheeks as I held his wrists gently.

I smiled, “To be fair, I didn’t catch on until yesterday, after I fainted. I can’t believe I was so dense,” I laughed in disbelief.

He shook his head, returning his hands and gaze to my stomach “You weren’t...neither of us saw it coming,” he said softly.

“We tried for so long Rhys,” I whispered, my hands coming to rest on his chest.

He caressed my stomach again, “We’re going to have a baby,” he swallowed and his violet eyes met mine. “I love you beyond measure, Feyre. You’ve given me more than I could have ever dreamed of, more than I could possibly deserve, and now,” he dropped to one knee, again surveying my stomach as he continued, “I can’t wait to meet the son you’re blessing me with.”

I sobbed again and wrapped my arms around him as he leaned in to place a kiss on my abdomen. He stayed there for a minute before rising again, slipping his arms around my waist and capturing my lips with his. I kissed him back deeply, holding him close as we resumed moving to the music—dancing slowly as the stars continued their whirling journey beyond the horizon. Our brows pressed together as we swayed, and I draped my arms over his shoulders as his hands held my waist.

After today, this better be your new favorite Starfall memory, I said down the bond.

His answering smile was mischievous. Until next year, when I can dance with you on one arm and my son on the other.

My heart tightened at the thought, and I kissed him again. To the stars who listen, Rhys.

To the dreams that are answered, Feyre.

[fanfic-collection]

Loki x Reader: Quarantine

Please comment

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‘And this is Captain America, signing off, reminding everyone once again, stay safe, stay strong, and stay true to America. Please, buy only what is necessary, if you’re quarantined, stay home for the assigned days, get a lot of rest if you’re sick, take the necessary precautions, and we’ll get through this, we always do.’ Steve smiled, saluting the camera on his laptop then looked at Bucky.

Bucky gave a tired thumbs up.

'Signing off, I’ll see you all tomorrow.’ Steve clicked the end transmission button and the feed ended. 'That was really good Bucky, I really think we’re making a difference, I hope we can keep people calm in this trying times.’

Bucky raised his eyebrow and leaned back in the seat groaning as he covered his face, 'Are you seriously going to drag me through these podcasts every day?’

Steve stood up and stretched, 'Until the quarantine ends, it’s the least we can do for the public, so yes, yes I am.’

You snorted into your vitamin enhanced energy drink, watching the two super soldiers across the counter.

'Don’t start.’ Bucky muttered, looking at you, raising a warning finger.

You set down your glass and held up your hands defensively, 'Not a word.’

'It’s day two and I’m stir crazy already.’ Bucky groaned, running his hand through his hair as he stood up and began to pace.

The big screen turned on and Tony appeared, poolside with a margarita in hand, shades halfway down his nose as he squinted at his phone to see the three of you in the kitchen. 'Cap! Other soldier, teddy bear.’

'Why does he call you teddy bear again?’ Bucky asked, glancing at you.

You sighed and shook your head. The automatic kitchen doors slid open and the two norse gods walked, mid conversation, stopping only when they saw Tony on the monitor.

'Oh excellent,’ Tony continued, 'thunder bros, anyways, Steve, loved the pep talk, my stocks stopped their nose dive, they’re still dropping but not nearly as bad, I heard one of the local grocery stores even had toilet paper on the shelf too.’

Steve rolled his eyes, 'What do you want, Stark?’

'Can’t I check in? One quarantinee to another?’

'You’re pool side in Malibu.’ Bucky grumbled.

'And you’re in Stark tower with tons of friends in New York, your point?’

'Tony? Lunch’s almost done!’ You heard Pepper call from somewhere within the house.

'Yea just a second honey.’ Tony grinned, 'Quarantine is awesome, am I right?’

Thor grumbled, 'I don’t see why I have to be stuck in this building.’

'Thor, we’ve told you countless times, people are worried you could transmit the disease.’ Steve replied.

'No Midgardian illness is a match for me.’ Thor replied, fist on his chest.

Loki rolled his eyes, 'And yet, the disease may cling to you and travel to the mortals, brother. How our physiology is compatible to theirs is unknown, must we go through this again?’

You made eye contact with Loki and smiled softly.

Loki’s irritation seemed to fade somewhat and a faint smile touched the corner of his mouth before he turned his attention back to Thor, folding his arms.

'So are you guys going to have a party then?’ Tony asked, 'Wait, where’s Hawkeye? Two of you are missing.’

'Hawkeye and Nat are around.’ You replied. 'Nat was taking a nap last I knew and Clint’s… lurking.’

Tony shook his head before abruptly touching his phone, 'yes, what is it? Kid, I told you to only call in emergencies. What, wait, say that slower. You’re quarantined? Do you have enough supplies to get you through the next two weeks, just calm down. No, I’m on the phone with the other Avengers. Yes, most of them, the ones that are quarantined at the tower. Yes that includes Loki. Why do you call him Mr. Loki. Kid… Focus. Yes, ok good, you have supplies, yes you’re not sick, I know, Aunt May is pretty young, yes I know, she’s fine, you’ll both be fine, it’s just a quarantine, keep entertained with Cap’s podcasts, they’ll keep you calm, he posts them each day, yes you’re talking too fast for me to understand you. Kid. Peter. Listen to me.’ Tony sighed. 'Kid.’ He sighed again. 'Listen. I will hang up on you. Kid. Listen, stop it. Stop. I’ll send over a suit with groceries. Yes, I’ll send toilet paper. Yes, I know all the stores are out, I have connections.’ Tony smiled weakly, 'I got you covered, you’ll be fine. You’ll get through this. Now all of you, I’m hanging up and getting lunch with my hot date. Bye.’ The screen went black.

'That spider kid got quarantined?’ Steve asked, looking around the room.

You blinked, 'I guess so.’

Loki crossed the room, moving away from Thor and came over to sit beside you. He left a respectable distance, peering into your glass curiously before easing himself into the chair next to you.

'I could bring him supplies.’ Thor grumbled.

'Brother we have dealt with plagues, as has humanity before, if their response is to lock themselves away to deter the spread of it, we are not to interfere. Their healers, doctors, have made their demands,’ Loki looked up from your drink, 'We do not interfere.’

'We are protectors of humanity, we must safeguard the realm in whatever way possible.’ Thor urged.

'You cannot fight a disease with your hammer.’ Loki replied. 'Or are you suggesting culling the sick to limit its spread?’

Thor creased his brow.

Loki raised his eyebrow, 'Such action has been taken in the past and will likely take place in the future.’

Steve and Bucky watched Loki uneasily.

Loki continued coldly, 'Tell me brother, would you risk more lives or take them because you are uneasy with patience?’

'Loki…’ You said slowly.

Thor growled softly before turning and stomping from the room.

'He’s never patient.’ Loki muttered, shrugging.

You sighed and touched his forearm hesitantly.

Loki glanced down at you somewhat surprised. You slowly pulled your hand away as Loki’s eyes trailed your hand, watching where you had been and slowly staring at your hand where it lay a few inches from his arm.

Steve cleared his throat. 'Well I was thinking I might start drawing again, I haven’t had a chance to sit down and just sketch in a while.’ He managed a smile, 'Anyone have any suggestions? Maybe I’ll do some skylines…’

Bucky sighed, 'I haven’t had a lot of time to hone any hobbies.’

'Well now is a great time to start!’ Steve clapped Bucky on the shoulder, 'C'mon, Stark is bound to have plenty of things lying around this musty old tower. Let’s go digging.’

You finished your drink, staring at the empty mug. 'Do you think there will be a culling?’ You asked, looking at Loki.

Loki shook his head, 'Not at all. Thor is too quick for action, this disease is easily controlled by your mortal means. Stay clean, take care of yourself and avoid too many people. The spies staying to themselves are smart, the three of you are the only regular humans in this tower, otherwise it’s nearly empty on the top floors. Between the soldiers and myself and my brother, you’re the only mortal really.’

You nodded slowly, staring at him with concern.

Loki carefully touched your hand, a bit of color rising to his cheeks, 'I doubt with the chemicals running through their bodies and my brother and myself and our genetic make up, we seem to be safe from this disease. I fear only for you falling ill, but we will keep you safe and even so, there are many more cases of recovery than there are fatalities.’

You nodded, 'Yea, you’re right.’

The black screen flipped on. 'What motherfucker, is stealing all of SHIELD’s motherfucking toilet paper?’ Nick Fury’s voice roared over the speakers as he glared out around the screen, staring down at you and Loki. 'Where is Rogers?’

You blinked, quailing beneath his glare. 'He went looking for art supplies, sir.’

'Someone got it in their funny little head that it would be a good idea to ransack the SHIELD bathrooms for toilet paper and now I got nothing to wipe my ass with. HILL, get me Hill on the line.’ Fury continued, barking orders at someone out of view.

Loki rolled his eyes, 'I don’t know what you expect us to do about it, we’re under quarantine.’

You snickered, fighting back a laugh.

Fury looked down at the two of you, 'Oh right, I’d forgotten.’ He sighed, 'Do I have any Avengers or SHIELD agents I can call into duty?’

'Not that I know of, sir. I’m pretty out of the loop.’ You waved your hand, indicating the quarantine.

'Fine, fine, carry on.’ The screen blanked out again.

Loki looked at you and you looked back at him before the two of you started laughing weakly. You both quickly looked away.

'Want to go check out the library? It’s going to be a long quarantine.’ You offered your hand to him.

Loki looked at your hand hesitantly before taking it, 'Certainly.’

It might be a long quarantine, but perhaps not a terrible one.

[laurazepamwrites]

The Chemicals between us ~ Chapter 13

 After their visit to Pix Elle, Mei and Angela had tried the other addresses of the missing omnics without further luck. One had refused to let them in at all and the other address was abandoned altogether, the premises ransacked of what little possessions left. The only thing to remain was the strange Omnic graffiti again. After this Angela insisted on some downtime to collect their thoughts by going to the fashion museum then feeling inspired by this, went shopping for ‘just one new pair of shoes and a dress.’ The boot of the car now loaded with a number of high end bags, they made their way to the bustling Port of Calais to find answers at Hubs most recent place of work. Seagulls screamed overhead and the salt in the air was strong. Huge cruise ships and cargo containers lined the docks. They parked close by and followed the signs for the shipping and logistics companies further along. Mei looked around as they walked past surly looking men, huge cranes unloading steel containers and security droids scanning for anything illegal. She caught sight of a sketchy looking Omnic in shabby clothes who stopped to give her and her companion a look of suspicion. Mei glanced away quickly and kept her eyes peeled for the Global freight logo. Luckily she did not need to search far.

 ‘Hey hey hey you ladies cant be down here!” A large man wearing a hi vis jacket and hardhat shouted across to them in a french accent. “Cruise ships are on the other side! Bloody tourists..”

 “Is this Global Freight?” Angela asked, ignoring him.

 “You health and safety? You're not due to next wednesday.”

   “My name Is Amander Muller and this is Lin Chang, we’re looking for Hub 0.5. We understand he works here?”

 “You police?”

 “Non monsieur, we’re journalists for the Connexion. Might I know your name?”

 He scratched his stubble of a beard and looked them both up and down. “Too pretty to be pigs I guess..names Vic Dubrand. I'm the foreman here. Now why are you after that rust bucket Hub?”

 “He may help us with a report we are working on but have unable to locate him. Even his wife hasn't seen him for days.” Said Angela.

 “You think I have? Look lady, Hub came to work as usual then never shows up again. Far as i'm concerned he don't work for me no more. Already got a bot to replace him.”

 “How was he? When you last saw him?” Mei asked

 Dubrand smirked at her. “Its an Omnic sweetheart, you think they have feelings or bad days like we do? He comes to work, does what hes programmed to, goes home. Ah mind you, he did argue with some other bots down by the old containers last week. I think they were some layabouts with no jobs causing trouble.”

 Mei and Angela exchanged glances. “When was this?” Angela asked.

 “Dunno exactly, about two days before he disappears.”

 “Did you see the Omnics he argued with again?”

 “Non, they just come by, paint their stupid propaganda and leave. Hub scrubbed most of it off.”

 “Where's the container?”

 Dubrand turned and vaguely gestured behind him. “Somewhere over there, I don't give a shit about what Omnics get up to as long as they know their place. Not much else to tell you.” He adjusted his hard hat and began walking back to his site office. “You get hit with a falling container not my fault!” He added before shutting the door.

 “Charming man..” Mei said bitterly.

 It only took them a couple of minutes to find the container Dubrand mentioned. It had been scrubbed hard to dispose of the spray paint but the strange code was just about visible. It was the same they had found at nearly every site an Omnic had disappeared. “This cant be a coincidence can it?” Asked Mei, kneeling down to run her fingers over the paint which flaked off at her touch.

 “Its certainly suspicious, but keep in mind there are posters and art everywhere for pro and anti Omnic. This could just be the latest one..see? look over there, there's a sticker that says ‘Humans cant be trusted.’”

 “I think you're right, but I'm going to send Athena a picture of this code just in case.” Mei replied, taking her camera out and taking a few snaps.

 Angela looked at her watch. “Good idea..we should head back, not much else to do until the rally tomorrow.”

 They headed back along the docks and to the street where they had left the car. As they walked Mei noticed Angela glance around behind them. “Act normal Mei and walk straight past the car.” Mei frowned up at her. “Whats wrong?”

 “We’re being followed. Look ahead and stay calm.”

 Mei did as she was told and resisted the urge to look behind her, she had no idea who was following them or how far behind but she was glad Angela had experienced enough to know they were in potential danger. She followed Angelas lead and soon the doctor led them to an alleyway. Angela pulled Mei behind her and took out her gun, aiming it at the entrance then at the head of their stalker who turned into the alley seconds later.

 “Whoa whoa whoa! Lady, that's a bit much!”  The shabby, rust speckled Omnic Mei noticed at the docks threw his hands up in surrender.

 Angela kept her pistol well aimed. “Who are you and what do you want?”

 “Sal! My names Sal, short for Shipping analysis lo-”

 “What do you want!” Snapped Angela.

 “Gee are you always this cranky? Can you put the gun down? it's making me      very    nervous.”

 Angela narrowed her eyes at the strange Omnic and lowered her weapon but kept a firm grip on it. “Talk.”

 “I heard you, back at the docks? You said you're looking for Hub..I know him.”

 “You're not the only one so why follow us? What do you know?” Asked Angela.

 “Know you’re not reporters. Old Sal here knows the media cares not for me and mine unless its something bad. You think they care if we go missing? If I had a mouth I'd spit!”

 Angela began to raise her gun again. “If you have no viable information than..”

 “I saw Hub get taken!” Sal exclaimed, cowering slightly. “He..he saw some strange omnics graffiting at the docks. He told them to clear off but they just stood there, Hub didn't move either! I couldn't understand what they were saying, we Omnics speak to each other in Omnicode but I couldn't understand this. It was like another language but Hub.. he understood. He let them go. I tried to talk to him after but he was acting weird..said he needed to ‘wake up’. Then Dubrand shouts at us to get back to work but I followed Hub home that night. I was worried..I watched him walk to the front of his apartment and the same image was there, he just stares at it and looked like he was waiting for something.”

 “Did you try to talk to him at all?” Mei asked, feeling slightly unnerved by Sals story.

 “I shouted his name and was about to go to him but a car comes round the corner, black windows. I couldn't see who was driving. Hub he..he just gets in! I think they saw me. They didn't drive away until I left. I can't go to the police, they don't care and then you ladies show up!”

 “Can you read the code on the painting?” Mei showed him the picture she took at the docks but Sal just shook his head. “Nothing Ive seen before. We Omnics all speak the same code, its how we communicate. Its how the defected had such an upper hand in the war. But this? This is just gibberish!”

 Angela holstered her gun. “Sal, I think you need to come with us. From what you have seen I think you may be in danger.”

 Sal shook his head and back off. “No thanks lady, still don't trust you. You could be the bad guys for all i know..oh I think I made a mistake talking to you. See Sal you just need to keep ya head down and shut up. That's what Dubrand always told ya..Ol Hub is probably just fine.” He backed up to the end of the alley and briskly walked away muttering to himself.  Mei looked from Sal to Angela. “Do we follow him?”

 “It would draw too much attention trying to force a twitchy Omnic like that in the car, besides we need to get this information to the Commander as soon as possible. Has Athena come back with any results?”

 Mei checked her phone for any contact. “No, not yet.”

 “Lets go. We’ll head back to the hotel and write up what we know so far, this isn't good Mei. I dread to think what this could all mean.”

                          -----------------------------------------------------------

 Ana and Satya watched each other intensely, waiting for the other to make their move. Satyas gauntlet glowed as she prepared to manipulate a cube of hard light between her fingers and Ana had her sleep dart aimed at her heart.

 “Ill ask again..what are you doing?” Satya asked coldly.

 “Would you believe me if i said i was the cleaning lady?” Ana smirked.

 “You kill a vishkar employee and you make jokes?”

 Ana tutted. “Oh shes not dead, just asleep. You are welcome to join her unless you power down that glove of yours.”

 “You think to challenge me?” Satya scoffed. “Do you know who I am.”

 “Yes my dear I know who you are. I wonder if you do.”

 The question confused Satya and the lack of focus showed in the hardlight that quivered in her hand. Ana saw the lapse in concentration, she could have shot her there and then, wipe Satya’s computer and leave the way she came, but she decided not to. Instead she placed her sleep dart at her feet, kicked it away from her and raised her hands, all the while smiling at Satya. As quickly as the sleep dart had fallen still on the spotless carpet had hardlight binds wrapped around Anas wrists. Ana looked down at the near transparent, crystal blue solid light. It was hard not to admire the craftsmanship behind it.

 “Well you caught me, and what will you do now I wonder?” Ana cheerfully asked. “Call security? Police? Maybe you and I can have a little chat before you do that?”

 “Silence! Before I bind your mouth too.”

 “A pity my dear, wouldn't you like to hear what an old Overwatch Captain has to say?”

 The binds flickered for a split second but Satya held firm. She could not keep this up for longer. Focusing hardlight was incredibly difficult which made Architects highly valuable. Soon she would need to make the decision to call security, drag her there herself or release her and talk. She had surrendered after all and the curiosity over this womans strange actions were dulling her focus.

 “Who are you?” She eventually asked.

 “My name is Captain Ana Amari. I am not here to hurt you or anyone else Satya. I'm trying to prevent that from happening to anyone.”

 “Why have you come here?”

 “Because Vishkar are potentially a threat, and you are much easier to get to then Mr Korpal. I wonder dear..do you know who you work for?”

 The binds cracked and loosened before solidifying once again. “How dare you.” Satya breathed hard. “Vishkar is building a better future for humanity, we have built home for the displaced, we-!”

 “Impose martial law to control people? My dear you are not unintelligent, did you ever stop to think what Vishkar was doing was unethical?”

 “We...I..I just want to make a better world.”

 Ana smiled sympathetically at her. “So do we Satya, but i don't think you’ll get the world you want by being Sanjay's puppet.”

 The binds disappeared completely in specks of light that glinted as they fell. A bead of sweat ran down Satyas face. “I owe him everything.” she said weakly.

 “No dear, i think you owe yourself that credit.” Ana said, pulling the microchip from the computer. She handed it to Satya. “Take it. I don't think what I am looking for is here after all.”

 Satya took it from her cautiously. Ana fished in her bag and pulled out a small notepad and quickly jotted down something, tore the page out and gave it to Satya.

 “This is my personal number, listen to your gut feeling and you call me when you really want to change the world.” Satya stared at it, plagued by questions and her head swimming with confusion. She opened her mouth to ask Ana more but instead a soft “      Oh!”    escaped her lips as she felt a quick sharp prick on her arm. Looking down she saw a tiny dart sticking in her skin like a small insect, she felt woozy.

 “Im sorry Satya but I really must be going.” Ana said sincerely, like she had stopped by for a visit with an old friend. She gently took the Architect's unresisting arm and sat her down on the sofa. Ana brushed a loose strand of her behind her ear. “Nxt time you see Sanjay..ask him. Ask him about Talon. Soon you will understand.”

 Satya mouthed silent words, unable to speak, her eyelids grew heavier and heavier. She heard the door to her office shut softly, the      ding    of the elevator as it arrived on its floor. She slumped softly onto her side.

 “Am I a puppet?” She thought before falling asleep.

                     ------------------------------------------------------------

 Mei tossed and turned in the hotel bed, struggling to sleep. It was more frustrating here, she was on a mission and needed to be rested. As soon as they returned from their strange meeting with the Omnic named Sal, Angela had called back to base and updated Morrison on their investigation. He was concerned with their findings and warned them to be cautious and to find out what they could at the rally. She looked at the time on her phone. It was almost two in the morning. Feeling the insomnia defeat her for now she opened up her messages to check for the millionth time if she had any feedback from Athena. As she expected there was none, but something did catch her attention. Athena had set up a private network for the occupants of the Gibraltar base to stay in contact when out in the field or on opposite ends of the building. Mei occasionally checked it for messages, usually very late at night. Most of the time she noticed Junkrat was also awake at stupid o clock in the morning, just like he was tonight. Mei considered messaging him but what would she say? Her first thought was ‘Haha turns out this mission was a lot bigger than you thought.’ But that wasn't very becoming of her, she thought maybe she could just say hi, but she felt awkward doing even that. Especially if he poked fun or even ignored her. Still, she did wonder why he was up so late and so often. Angela mumbled something in her sleep and rolled over, Mei yawned and decided it was time to try and sleep again before she got herself annoyed again over the Junker. Still, he did prove to be a good distraction as Mei was soundly asleep a short time later.

 Mei woke up before her alarm the following morning, she had quietly slipped out of bed, washed and changed before heading down to the breakfast bar alone. She kept checking her phone, no update from anyone back at base. Mei took note of the time, It was nearly eight in the morning, another ten hours to go before they were due at the extraction site. She mulled over what they had found out from yesterday's leads and kept coming back to the strange conversation with Sal. Who were the Omnics who spoke to Hub? Had he really just left with them on his own accord? And what about the strange code on the graffiti? Did it connect to the strange language Hub apparently used? Mei had begun to wonder how much of Sal’s story was even credible. She jumped slightly as a coffee mug was placed on the table, jolting her from her thoughts. “Sleep well?” Angela asked brightly, sitting opposite Mei.

 “I think so, how about you?”

 “Hmm the pillows were too soft.” Angela complained, massaging the back of her neck. “Still, the mattress is a lot better than my one back at base.” Mei smiled in response and absent mindedly pulled apart the croissant in front of her.

 “Nervous?” Angela asked.

 “I guess? I'm worried how the rally will go. They start off with good intentions..but you know how some get.”

 “If that happens we leave as quickly as possible. We’re not in a position for combat and we can't give ourselves away. Just stay with me and we’ll be fine.” She gave Mei a reassuring smile which Mei returned, the anxiety still gnawing away at her. They finished up their breakfast and headed back to the room to start packing their belongings. Mei trying to coax an angry snowball to go into sleep mode and to be placed in a large duffel bag again and Angela delicately placing her new clothes into her luggage with as little creasing as possible. It was past ten in the morning when they checked out and loaded the car with their suitcases. They planned to be at the rally location by midday to get a good spot for surveillance so had spent some time wandering the streets and had a light lunch at a local cafe near to the square where the rally was to be held. As midday approached they headed to the square, it was already filling with people and omnics alike. Some held placards with pro omnic slogans whilst others opted for banners and flags. The atmosphere was jovial as music began to play as sound checks were being made on stage. Angea and Mei inched further forward,opting to be close to the stage and the large marquee next to it which Mei assumed was for the organizers and guests.

 “Over here Mei.” Said Angela, signalling to a free space by the metal crowd control barriers. “So now we wait.” She said, leaning on the barrier. “Chances are nothing will happen so may as well try to enjoy ourselves. There's a band playing after the speeches.”

 “I’m not sticking around so you can have a dance.”

 “You’ve really lost your sense of fun.”

 “We’re working!”

 “We’re blending in, go on - shout something pro Omnic!”

 “Angela I really don't want to draw attention to my-Owww!” Mei whined and covered her ears as Angela winced, most of the crowd copied their behavior and complained loudly as the speakers on stage blasted a high pitch feedback.

 “Désolé! Je suis désolé! Sorry everyone!” An omnic rushed to the mic to apologize for the noise. “Bad soundcheck but we’re almost ready to begin!”

 “Huh, earlier than expected.” Noted Angela as she looked at her phone which had started to vibrate. “Hello? Jack?” Angela answered her phone and looked confused. “Hello?” She looked at her phone and pressed the screen. “Weird.” She said, hanging up. “Maybe he called by mistake.”

 “What do you mean?” Mei asked.

 “I couldn't hear him, just strange noises..maybe there's a bad signal here.”

 “Maybe..” Mei hoped it was something that simple, looking around she noticed some omnics still recovering from the harsh feedback noise. Some were shaking their heads, others looked rather dazed. It must affect them more than humans. “What if he was calling about the code?” She asked Angela. The Doctor was already on it and had her phone pressed to her ear. “No..nothing.” She said hanging up. “Can you try?” But Mei had the same result, she even tried Winston and Reinhardt, stranger still was that she had full signal on her phone. Out of the corner of her eye she saw an Omnic stumble on the spot..her anxiety started to flare up and she barely heard the announcement on stage. She heard the crowd cheering louder and she glanced up at the stage, her eyes widening.

 “Angela..its Liberte..!” But Angela was fully aware the presumed missing Omnic had made a sudden appearance. The crowd cheered as the artist came on stage. “Maybe it was personal reasons after all.” She looked up at Angela who was frowning at the Omnic, “What is it?” Mei asked, following her gaze. Liberte had reached the microphone and simply stood there, not greeting his audience, not saying a word. The cheering had died down and there was awkward laughter and mutterings from the crowd. “Maybe this is a live art piece!” Mei overheard someone say.

 Liberte stood silent a minute more then very slowly his head began to raise, it jerked to the side suddenly as if he just got shocked. He began to speak. “Brothers, sisters. What a sad sight you are before me..” The crowd murmured, confusion rippling among them. “We have been victims from the day we were born from our Mother Omniums into this ravaged planet. We have been made scapegoats to Mankind's own failures. We have been murdered, mutilated and made into slaves by our oppressors!” Mei looked through the crowd, some were nodding their heads in agreement, others looking nervous. Some humans had already begun to leave, she saw some of the Omnics affected by the high pitch noise from earlier and felt her stomach knot. They stood completely still, heads down, no glow to their eyes. As if they were sleeping. “Angela…?” She said nervously.

 “We’re leaving. Nice and easy and keep calm” The doctor said, taking Mei’s arm and turning her around. As they began to push back through the crowd Liberte continued to speak. “You traitors that slave under human rule.” His head jerked violently, his eyes flashed. “You cowards that live in fear of flesh and blood! We are the stronger race!” Liberte screamed and jerked.       “    We are the cure! -      Jerk-    We will rise from the ashes of our dead and the bones of our oppressors!”

 The crowd was getting stirred up as humans and Omnics alike tried to leave, there were shouts for Liberte to leave the stage and a bottle was even thrown at him, the glass smashing on stage yet he did not even flinch, shouts for uprising, shouts for a new crisis. Scuffling broke out nearby in the crowd and one of the sleeping Omnics was shoved hard, falling to the ground. Mei looked back and hesitated. “Angela wait!” She shouted, making her decision and rushing back to the fallen Omnic. She crouched by him and shook him but there was no light in his eyes and he made no movement. “Leave him Mei!” Angela grabbed her and half dragged her upwards on to her feet. She had her phone pressed to her ear again. “Dammit!” She shouted, still getting no signal to contact base. “This was planned! We need to get out of here before a riot happens.”

 “Liberte! Angela look at Liberte!”

 Liberte was jerking more violently, his eyes flashing from blue to red, he gripped the microphone stand to support himself and a burst of sparks flew from circuits on his neck. “The eye is lost but the eye will open! It's time to wake up.” A final jerk and his eyes went dead and his head slumped forward, mirroring the ‘sleeping’ Omnics standing like sentinels in the panicking crowd. Slowly his eyes glowed red and he raised his head, a strange sound erupting from the speakers. High pitched noises of different frequencies almost sounding like a song as it pulsated from the speakers. It took a few seconds for Mei to realize Liberte was making the noise. “Wha..What is that?”

 The strange noise stopped and Liberte began to laugh as oil started to drip from his red glowing eyes, his omnic mouth and from joints in his body. “The eye is opening!” He screamed as his body jerked and crackled from exploding circuits within him as he slumped forward and fell from the stage.

 “We need to get to him! Mei, head to the barriers.” They went back on themselves, finding it much harder as the crowd pushed back against them as they tried to leave. More projectiles were being thrown and the atmosphere increasingly heated. Mei saw the fallen omnic on the ground, his metal fingers twitching, she barely registered him this time, she was scared and felt incredibly exposed. Angelas hand on her shoulder was the only thing keeping her grounded as her small frame was shoved and pushed by those around her. She gasped and ducked as something smashed against a wall close by. The shouting was getting too much..she could hear sirens blaring and getting closer. “Keep going, almost there.” Angela said. Fuelled by adrenaline they reached the barriers, Angela vaulting herself over them and reaching back to help pull Mei over. She felt instantly safer with the barriers between them and the increasingly angry crowd. As she caught her breath she spotted Liberte sprawled on the ground below the stage, Angela was already rushing to him.

 “Liberte? What happened? Who did this to you?”

 His eyes had gone back to their normal blue, he was gasping like his body was in pain. “Where-am-I?”

 “Sshh It's ok, its ok. We’re gonna help you, we’re getting you out of here.”

 Mei’s head snapped to the crowd as the shouting suddenly began to change pitch to frightened screaming. More pockets of fighting were breaking out and others had started to rush the barriers, she backed up against the stage, broken glass cracking under her feet.

 Liberte gasped and reached up, pulling at Angela's shirt. He rasped and gurgled. It was an awful sound, an awful sight, as the oil bubbled as it leaked from him like blood. His eyes began to flicker and dull. His voice crackled as he tried to speak. “The-They are-c-c-calling.”

 “Who? Who's calling? Liberte..? Liberte!?” Angela shook him but his eyes were now dull. He was dead.

 “Angela! Behind you!”

 Angela felt something claw viciously at her back, She scrambled up, half stumbled over libertes dead body and fell against the stage, spinning herself she aimed her pistol and fired. One of the ‘sleeping’ Omnics fell heavily to the ground, a smoking hole between its eyes. Angela and Mei looked on in horror as the omnics that stood silent were now very much animated and attacking whatever was near them, their eyes glowing red. Mei watched as the one she tried to help had risen from the ground and was viciously attacking someone. She felt sick.

 “Mei! Down there!” Angela pulled her along after her, pistol in hand, towards a small side street lined with boutique shops and cafes that had closed for the rally. The graffiti with the strange code was hastily painted on one of the shutters, wet paint dripping down the metal. Mei looked over her shoulder as she ran and faltered, stopping in her tracks as people ran past her to escape.

 “Hub..?”

 It was him. The gentle looking omnic from the photograph with Pix Elle, he staggered down the street towards her, swiping and grabbing at anyone that came near, a spatter of crimson blood across his metal face.

 Angela fired and shot a red eyed omnic that had burst from an adjourning street, it crashed to the ground, its eyes slowly burning out. ‘      How many are there!?’    Thought Angela. ‘      Is the whole city affected?’    An omnic pushed past her and she aimed her pistol, it raised its hands and cowered before her, its eyes blue. She lowered her weapon and the omnic continued to run. ‘      Only certain ones    ?’ Close by a shop window smashed and she heard more sirens and shouting back towards the square, the combat medic in her urged her to return and help the wounded but with no valkyrie suit or medical supplies what use could she be? No, get to extraction. Just keep moving. “Mei keep going, I’ll cover you!..Mei?”      She was here, she was next to me!”    . “Mei?!” Angela screamed, desperately trying to see her through the rush of panic and terror.

 Hub shambled slowly towards Mei, his head jerking as Libertes did and he was struggling to stand. Whatever was causing this seemed short lived. The omnic weakly grabbed at anything that got to close as they ran past but his grip was too weak. Mei winced as he stumbled and fell to his knees, a lone drip of oil running from his eye and blending with the blood. Mei crouched down slowly, picking up an empty bottle left in the street and tentatively stepped forward.

 “Hub..?” She said gently and took a step forward. “Hub, my name is Mei..I..I know your wife. Pix Elle?”

 Hub stayed motionless, he remained on his knees and seemed fixated on the slow      drip drip drip    of oil as it fell to the ground. His head jerked at the mention of his wife's name.

 “I don't know what's happening to you Hub.” Mei took another step forward. “But I know it's not your fault.”

     Drip drip drip  

 “Its ok..we can help you.” Another step.

     Drip drip drip  

 “We can find Pix Elle. We can try and stop this..”

     Drip drip drip  

 Mei was close to him, he was ignoring everyone that rushed by now, she was sure he could hear her, understand her. She knelt in front of him.

 “I know you’re in there Hub..I know you don't want to do this. None of you do..im so sorry this has happened..”

 He slowly raised his head, oil now leaking from all eyes. He looked like he was crying. “Pix..Pix..Pix.” His head jerked with each word.

 “We’ll find her ok? Lets find her.” Mei smiled warmly at him and slowly held her hand out. Hub looked at it and his eyes started to flash back to blue. “I..I..”

 “It's ok Hub..” She said softly.

 “I..”

 She could hear the low hum of engines overheard and the crowds were getting thinner, maybe the French authorities were taking control of the situation. Close by a window smashed, Mei flinched at the sound and Hubs eyes flashed to red, He snapped his head at Mei.

 “Hub      no    !” Mei fell backwards as he launched at her, she scrambled back desperately as he clawed at her legs, his metal digits painfully scratching her, Mei kicked him hard in the face, one of his eyes cracking from the force. She struggled back and attempted to stand but Hub snatched her ankle and pulled her down roughly, the side of her head hitting the pavement as she fell. Mei gasped in pain and instantly felt nauseous and her vision blurred, she was barely aware that she was screaming. She thrashed viciously and felt his grip weaken, using the opportunity to pull herself up more before she smashed the bottle down on his head with all her strength, his grip slackened and finally he let go. Whether she killed him or not she did not know, her mind race and before she knew it she was half running half feeling her way away from the Omnic. “Angela!” She tried to scream, her voice feeling hoarse. “      Angela!”  

 But she was too disoriented, she had no idea how far she had run and no idea where she was now. She felt people running by, the ringing in her ears adding to the confusion. Someone tried grabbing her wrist and shouted but without her glasses she couldn't tell if it was someone trying to help or harm her, she wrenched her arm free and ran once again but she was feeling more sick by the second, she stumbled on something and she reached to steady herself, feeling cool brick wall beneath her fingertips. Mei involuntarily leant against it and slid to the ground, catching her breath and fighting the urge to vomit. She was sure she heard her name over the distortion in her head, but the world was too blurry to make sense of, her glasses cracked and useless. The throbbing in her head was intense. She tried to sit up but the pain made her feel more nauseous. Over the ringing noise she heard her name being shouted again but maybe she imagined it. Mei blinked trying to focus, something was in her eye, she blinked again, It was wet and red and hot. Mei gave a startled cry, squeezing her eyes shut and tried once again to move, her body feeling like lead, panic bubbling in her stomach and chest growing tight as her mind began to catch up on what was happening. She needed to find Angela. With effort she braced her arm against the wall and attempted to push herself up, ignoring the urge to throw up and the pain pulsing through her skull. Suddenly hands were on her pushing her firmly back down, Mei yelled in alarm and lashed out, her fist connecting hard with whoever was in front her.

 “Ow! Fucks sake woman, you wanna be left here?”

 Her hair was sticking to the blood on her face as it began to dry. “J-Junkrat?”

 “...Gotta keep still ok Mei, dunno how bad you are. Just focus on yer breathing before shock gets to ya alrite?” He gave her arms a reassuring squeeze.

 Mei gave a small whimper in reply, trying to touch the bleeding wound on her head. Jamison grabbed her hand and held onto it.

 ‘Nope, no ya dont wanna touch that ok. Trust me it's not that bad, just a lil nick.’ He reassured her.

 Tears now joined the blood streaming down her face as her choked on a sob. “I can't..I can't see”

 “Yeaahhhh...ya glasses wanna bit o’ glue i won't lie. But don't worry about that kay? Lets just get you moving.”  He reached up to his communicator. “Yeah hi, whoever's listening I found Frosty- I mean Mei! Mei! I found Mei..yeah she's ok, bit of blood. Maybe concussed to fuck...Uh huh..yeah..yeeaah..ok bored now bye!” He reached into one of the leather wallets on his belt and pulled out some gauze. “Sorry this might hurt.” He said, pressing the gauze against the wound.

 “Ahh!” Mei squealed in pain.

 “Told ya. Keep it pressed on coz we gotta move, Jesus Christ what the fuck happened here?” He crouched next to her, hooking an arm around her as she gingerly placed hers around his shoulders. “Ok on three..three-!” He vaulted her up onto her feet with ease but the sudden movement threatened her stomach and her head felt like it was about to split.

 “Ahhhoowww oww owww! Why did you do that?” Mei whined loudly.

 “Your up aren't ya? I don't fancy hanging around! Fucking hell you are      tiny!”  

 “Can someone else come get me?” Mei whimpered.

 “Ok down you go.” Junkrat replied bluntly as he began to lower her.

 “No no no no!” Mei clung on to him in panic, her nails sharply digging into him.

 “Yeah that's what I thought...”

[pbandjesse]

I got sunburn!! Its on my back and shoulders and I cant reach it went enough to put aloe on it. James will help when he gets home but it hurts now so thats not fun. But today was an excellent day. Just so good. 

I slept alright enough last night. James said I slept on an angle. Not surprised. I am trying to find a hammock stand so I can sleep in that sometimes when I m home too. Sleeping at camp in it is just. To comfortable and now I dont want to sleep in the bed! I also just think our box spring in broken and I dont like it. Were trying to find a solution for that but I still want a hammock stand. Im on the hunt. 

James forgot to put gas in the car and I was kind of stressed out about that. But I also really didnt want to put gas in the car. Its been so long since I have done that. I have never done it with this car. And it had been years since I had done it with my old car. Like before grad school. So I just left for work and hoped for the best. I know that is not the best plan but thats what I did. 

I got to work on time though and I felt pretty good. I had a smoothie with me. I was in a good mood. I was determined to work on my stamina for walking today. So once the kids started coming I acted as a runner and took them to their groups. I was doing pretty well. Was to humid but it was all good. I was in a good mood. 

I went to the nurse though because I have some weird bumps on my finger. She thinks I touched poison ivy or something. So she put some medicine on it and gave me a bandaid. And off I went. 

I had a lot planned today for my "light day". I spent the whole morning doing prep for the rest of this week and some stuff for next week. I put together all the bead looms and I set up the pencil lines for the embroidery. It was a lot of work. Setting up the projects for next week went alright. But I ran into some issues because its print making and I had to make some choices about. What type they are doing. The littlest kids will be using stencils. The middle group will make stamps with sponges and styrofoam (which I cut out from the bottom of bowls because thats all I had). The next age will use leaves and such and print on wood. But its the oldest group Im unsure of. I could go wild and have them do copper prints. Or I could have them make lino cuts. Honestly there are lots of things I could have them do. Ill have to keep thinking. I have the older kids tomorrow though so maybe Ill just talk to them about it. 

The morning was great though. I had my lunch and tried to just focus on that. But I couldnt. I kept wandering back into the art shack and would start working on something else. But I had my lunch. Listened to my podcast. Chilled a little. 

But what I was most excited about was swimming!! 

CJ texted me that she would be over to me at 130 and she was just on time. I had just put sunscreen on. Apparently not enough but thats what I did. And off we went. 

We swam from a little after 130 until almost 4. It was great. We had the whole deep end to our selves for the first hour. And then the rest of the time we shared with the older kids and I had such a nice time. Just talking with CJ, hanging out. Swimming across the pool and back. Floating. I was so happy. I forgot my sunglasses at the art shed but I was having fun. The water was perfect. 

CJ had to run out and go help with some drums so she was gone for like 15 minutes. But she came back soon enough. It was just such a nice day. I am so glad it didnt rain. 

We got out of the water once the kids were gone. And we laid on the grass to try to dry off our bathing suits. We talked about friend groups, how were similar, camp, our backgrounds. Shes a lot of fun. I am really glad we have meshed so well. She thinks Im chaotic and funny and that is a fun thing to play off of. 

Once we were mostly dry we walked back towards the office. She had to go put gas in the camp bus. And encouraged me to try to put gas in my car even though I was scared. 

And she was right. But I was mostly just really sun tired. 

I got back to the art shed. Locked the doors and got changed. Somehow kicked a mason jar and had to clean up glass. I was very sleepy and my eyes hurt from the pool water. So once the glass was cleaned I went and laid in the hammock and tried to just. Rest my eyes. 

Fletcher, one of the younger counselors, came to borrow some of my cleaning supplies. He offered me eye drops but that didnt feel sanitary. But I appreciated him offering. 

A little after 430 I went down to the office to watch over pick up. Hung out with the youth workers and CJ. Sat with some kids. It was nice. I had a good time talking to some of the counselors. I dont get to talk to much. She didnt know that James was Charlotte's brother so that was fun to share. 

But it was time to go home. 

I got my stuff from the art shed and locked up. And headed to the car. Said goodbye some more people. Waved as I drove off. 

I did stop to get gas. It only sort of went wrong. I couldnt remeber my zip code because I am dumb. The machine was having trouble reading my card. I didnt know when to take out the pump. I didnt know if it would stop filling when it was full. I was very nervous and jumpy but I got $20 worth of gas and that was enough to mostly fill the tank. 

I wanted burger king for dinner but they didnt have the veggie burgers so I just got fries and went home. Well I stopped at CVS for eye drops and bought a squid plush because I am a whole child. 

When I got back here I saw Mr Will and thanked him for the gift. He's so kind. We talked for a little. But I was really happy to find that James left the AC on for me. 

I had my fries and played a little animal crossing. Then a long bath to try to help my skin. Now though I just want to close my eyes. I hope you all have had as nice a day as I did. And I hope you all have a good day tomorrow too!

[imsarahcate]

Visit from (and dinner with) KW and Tom went well.  I made a vet appointment for Rory for tomorrow.

.

Now I’m sitting here blubbering because I dropped a few of my photos in a thread in one of my groups where they were asking about pics you were proud of that you’d taken.

.

And it made me so emotional to pick just a few to drop, and I started looking at my old work and getting sad and angry and emotional and now I’m just... fucking sitting here crying because I miss being a photographer.  Realizing that’s the thing I’m angriest about losing to all this pain and disability and bullshit.

.

Like, here’s the truth, no boasting intended- I was a great photographer, with more time and more practice and more focus (no pun intended) I could have been an incredible artist as a photographer.  When I got sick and lost my job, that’s what we decided I would do when I got better.  Literally the plan was, beat cancer, get a part time job, spend all my non-working time shooting and building my skills and my portfolio.  And 7 years later, at 12:30am in the middle of November, I realize of all the paths that were closed to me because of my pain, THAT’S the one I’m angriest about losing.  Devastated to have lost.  

.

I keep saying, sometime I’ll load up my gear, and take my powerchair and go down to the lake and shoot.  Start practicing again, rebuild my skills.

.

But I never do.  Partly because just... the thought of it is exhausting.  And partly because I’m afraid to go and find out I don’t have it anymore.  That eye I could always trust before.  The vision I had before when I looked at EVERYTHING with the mind of... this would look right through my lens.  I’m afraid that’s gone.  That pain has robbed me of that too.

.

So instead, I’m sitting here, cold temperatures and weather changes stoking up my pain, angry, and sad, and feeling decidedly fucking sorry for myself- having my little pity party before I crawl into bed.

.

I don’t think about that often.  I try not to.  I don’t even look at the photos I have on canvas hanging in this house that often.  They’re beautiful, but I can’t enjoy them.  Because it hurts so fucking much that all this bullshit ripped that path away from me. The single silver lining of cancer was that it gave me an out from a job that owned every hour of my day.  I was supposed to beat it, and then get better, and then make a life and a path and a career that I could LOVE.  

.

And instead, 7 years later, I’m angry and tired and sad and in pain and just for tonight, I’m going to have my little party and rage a little, and cry a lot, and hate that I lost what it took me so long to find.  

.

My life is amazing and wonderful in so many ways.  This is a moment.  And I know that.  I have ridiculously incredible things happening and coming to me in the next year in particular.  The satisfaction and joy I get from PSS, from my friendships, from my relationship- I never thought I’d have those things.

.

But in this moment.  In these few seconds, these minutes, the next hour or two maybe- 

I think maybe it’s time to let me be sad and angry about this. one. path.  About this thing that my illness and the pain it’s left me with has stolen from me.  And maybe tomorrow- I can start looking at my own art again.  Maybe I can enjoy that ... year or two when that path seemed not just promising but possible and ... perfect.  

.

But for tonight, I crawl under quilts, lay my head down, gather whatever cat will join me, and grieve.  For the thing I wanted, the thing that seemed so possible.  For the dead end I’ve been avoiding for 6+ years.  Tonight is a night to grieve.  

.

I’m allowed.

You’re allowed.  

.

Grief is healthy.  Grief is progress.  Grief is normal and shifting and adjusting and accepting.  It’s a process- it’s time I honored that a little.  Give yourself permission to honor yours too- whatever it may be for.  <3

[annerbhp]

Is this still going on? If it is, Perceptions or lizzie - car ride?

Oh…Perceptions. (The Lizzie one is cool too, but I’m not sure I will ever actually post any of the vague Lizzie Bennet Diaries fic ideas I have.) But Perceptions is a fic I think I have mentioned before, which is a Harry-never-went-to-Hogwarts-but-shows-up-for-his-last-year-after-defeating-the-dark-lord fic. It’s a fun AU, with Harry living with Sirius and Remus from the age of 9 or so for Reasons. There’s quite a bit of ‘Harry’s never really been around other kids and struggles to socialize’ stuff too. Which is fun. Especially when he ends up with Ginny Weasley as a social tutor. (I am having intense deja vu, like maybe I have talked about this fic before? Whatever. Just ignore me if I have.) Snippet below:

Minervaconsidered the boy—young man—sitting across from her.

Itwas impossible to deny his resemblance to James Potter. His dark hair hung indisarray, his limbs long and lanky, but without the winsome smile she’d alwaysassociated with James—his legendary ability to charm his way out of anymischief with it. The boy’s eyes were Lily’s piercing green, something of thegirl in the length of his face, the calmness of his bearing rather than thefrenetic energy of James. The intensity in them though, the guardedness as helooked around the room—that felt foreign to both of the boy’s parents.Something uniquely his own, she supposed.

Shewas having a hard time reconciling this boy—young man—with the almostlarger-than-life figure that dominated the newspapers of late, or with thetall, striking figure of a few months before. The Chosen One who faced off withVoldemort with unbending courage and who, after facing death himself yet again,struck down the murdering tyrant with the Sword of Gryffindor in a final brutal,bloody act.

He’dstood, Voldemort’s crumpled, lifeless form at his feet, while blood trickledfrom the famous scar on his forehead, now even more pronounced, having survivedthe Killing Curse not once, but twice, and this time in front of an enormouscrowd.

Minervafound herself staring at the scar bisecting his eyebrow, once again healed, butstill stark against his skin.

Hecaught her looking, and here there was no uncertainty there, just a fierceintelligence and hardened wariness in his eyes.

Surelythe most powerful wizard ever to live, people speculated. Or so the papersclaimed, each day the pages slathered with yet another image or sensationalstory about the Dark Lord Slayer—yet another epithet to add to his collectionof Boy Who Lived and Lost Savior and Chosen One and Hidden Hero.

Onlytoday, she simply saw a boy, his trousers wrinkled and jumper ill fitting, hisfingers picking at the bed of his nails in what was clearly a nervous habit. Sofar he had been withdrawn but polite, attentive if not particularly engaged inthe conversations swirling around him. 

This,the son of James and Lily Potter, the defeater of the dark lord, the mostpowerful wizard of the age.

Shedidn’t look away from his challenging gaze—being neither afraid of him norawestruck—and something softened in his shoulders, his eyes falling away.

Beingof age, even if just barely, there was no reason for him to be here. Surely hecould have his choice of jobs without the official sanction of Hogwarts. He certainlydidn’t look particularly pleased to be sitting in her office facing a year ofschooling. It made her wonder why he was here.

RemusLupin, looking no less worn and heartbroken, shifted in his seat next to hisward. “While Harry is quite up to snuff with defense, charms, and transfiguration,his education has been spotty in terms of potions in particular and everythingelse in general.”

Minervanodded. She was not surprised that he and Sirius had chosen to focus on onlythose things that promised to best keep Harry alive, and their own strongsubjects at that. They’d always been determined to make him as prepared as hecould be—even Dumbledore could not deny that for all he railed against the gallof the two men in keeping Harry hidden away.

“Wecan do our best to catch you up with remedial potions,” she said. “Though itwill not leave you much time for other subjects. And you will need at leastfive NEWTs for most careers. Do you have a career in mind, Mr. Potter?”

Heglanced up at her, all earlier fire and challenge once against absent. “No,” hesaid, rubbing at the back of his head. “Not really, to be honest.”

“Imust admit that career exploration quite fell by the wayside,” Remus said.

Harryturned his head to the side, making a soft sound of what might be amusement,except for the way Remus winced.

Theolder man cleared his throat. “Harry could probably get a NEWT in defense rightnow, so unless he is going to assist me in my duties, he wouldn’t need to takethat course.”

Thatwould free up his schedule. “Very well.” She turned her attention to Harry. “Sowe will set you up with charms, transfiguration, remedial potions, and whichother subject?”

Harrylooked to Remus as if for guidance, but Remus only lifted one shoulderdiffidently. It’s your choice, it clearly said.

Harryfrowned, looking down at his hands.

Minervaoffered what counsel she could. “Runes would be of use for curse breaking ormagical object development and study. Herbology for any of the healing arts.Care of magical creatures if you wish to go into magizoology or interspeciesrelations.”

“Notmuggle studies?” he asked, head tilting to the side. There was something challengingin his gaze again.

“Wedo not currently have a professor for that subject,” she said, feeling a sharppain in her chest for Charity Burbage—lost to this war alongside far too manyothers. There were not many people lining up to step into that position, witheither the necessary training or the nerve to ply it.

“Anddivination?” Harry asked.

Remusshot him a sharp look.

“Isof use for nothing,” Minerva found herself saying in a fit of uncommon honesty.It was certainly unbecoming of a Headmistress, but the words could not becalled back.

“Nowthey tell me,” Harry said, something hard and wry in his voice, and Minervacouldn’t help but feel she was looking at the ghost of Sirius Black.

Shefelt deeply uncomfortable, but refused to let it show. “Is that your choice?”

Heshook his head, the brief bout of humor dissipating. “Care of magicalcreatures.”

Shelooked to Remus, but he was still regarding Harry.

“Mightbe nice to be outside,” Harry said, chin lowered so that he was speaking almostinto his collar.

Remusput a hand on his shoulder.

“Wellthen,” she said, marking up his schedule and giving the two men a moment. “Allthat is left is your Sorting.”

Theyhad already discussed the challenges of Sorting him in front of the entireschool. In the Great Hall, no less, only months since the sensational eventthat still dominated the daily newspapers. It would be quite the spectacle.

Harry,she’d noticed, seemed horrified by the very suggestion. Though whether by thethought of once again being in the hall or being the center of that muchattention, she was still not sure—the boy was more enigma than not. Either way,it was best to get it out of the way privately.

Gettingup, she removed the Sorting Hat from its alcove, crossing over to Harry. Sheglanced at him, waiting for him to nod his readiness before settling it on hishead.

Thehat looked almost comically small on the head of a full-grown wizard.

Minervadid not expect it to take long, especially considering the Sword of Gryffindorappeared to him without warning in a time of great need. It was clear thecastle already felt him one of its own. Loyaltyto the school and those inside of it.

Longmoments passed, however, Harry shaking his head once or twice, apparently quitethe conversation going on in his head. Harry’s shoulders eventually dropped,though out of relief or resignation, it was hard to tell.

“Gryffindor!”the hat declared.

Minervaswept the hat off his head.

Harrylooked at Remus. “Sirius would be proud at least.”

Remussqueezed his shoulder, his face creasing with grief even as he attempted tosmile at his ward. “Yes, he would. And so would your father.”

Harry looked down at his hands, his jaw clenching. “Would he?”

Why ever would he not be, all thethings his son has done? Minerva wondered.

Only Remusdidn’t seem to have an answer, his hand falling away.

“Well,”Minerva said, having no hope of unraveling the mystery sitting in front of hertoday. She would have the school year to figure it out. “This simplifiesthings. As the new head of Gryffindor, Professor Lupin will be your head ofhouse. I can show you to the Gryffindor dormitories now if you like. The restof the students won’t arrive until tomorrow evening, so you will have some timeto settle in.”

“We’ll needto take a trip to Diagon Alley to get your books,” Remus said.

“Could weorder them?” Harry said, looking pained by the very idea.

“I’m surethey would have no issue rushing your texts to you, Mr. Potter,” Minervaoffered.

This onlymade Harry look resigned rather than relieved. “Of course,” he said. He pushedto his feet. “I think I’d like to see the dorms, if you don’t mind.”

“Very well,”Minerva said, pushing to her feet.

He pickedup the small knapsack that apparently held all his worldly possessions. “I’llsee you at dinner?” he asked Remus.

He gave hisward a strained smile. “Of course.”

[singledarkshade]

Entwined Hearts

Summary: Rip Hunter's perfect life is suddenly shattered when his wife is killed in a car accident leaving him to raise his son. Gideon has been sick for several years in need of a heart transplant, she's given a few hours left to live when a heart suddenly becomes available. Just over a year later, Rip is trying to start his life once more when he meets Gideon. They grow closer but their pasts are more entwined than either knows. Author’s Note: This is sort of based on the basic premise of the movie Return To Me. I have zero medical knowledge so please ignore all errors in that area. It is finished so will be up quickly. Enjoy.                                 ********************************************* Part One

Laughter echoed out the door when Rip opened it, making him smile to be home.

“Daddy!!!”

The joyful cry from his three-year-old son made Rip grin even wider and he reached out to scoop the little boy up into his arms.

“Hi, little man,” Rip kissed the boy’s cheek, “Have you had a good day?”

Jonas gave an affirmative nod, “Missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Rip told him.

“Only him?” came the amused question as his beautiful wife walked towards him.

Leaning over Rip kissed her, “Of course not.”

Miranda plucked their son out of his arms, “Well, dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Come on, Jonas. We’ll let your daddy put his things away while we set the table.”

Giving him a cheeky grin Miranda disappeared back into the dining room, Rip shook his head still unable to believe how lucky he was to have the most amazing woman in the world in his life and a son they both adored.

Hanging his jacket up, Rip took his bag into the office and put it away neatly next to one of the few boxes left to unpack. They’d moved in a few months ago to their dream home, after Rip got the job at Star City University as a lecturer. It allowed Miranda to quit her job at the restaurant, that meant they barely saw each other, and take a part-time job at the art gallery she loved. It also allowed her to go back to painting in the small attic studio Rip had set up as a surprise.

“Are you joining us tonight, Hunter?” Miranda’s amused voice came from the dining room, “Because your son is about to eat his plate.”

Smiling to himself Rip called back, “I’m coming.”

  Jonas was finally asleep. He had demanded just one more story several times of his parents who were sitting on either side of his bed. They tried not to but there were times they indulged their little boy’s wishes. Besides it was Friday night, so they didn’t have to get up for work tomorrow morning that letting him stay up a little later didn’t matter too much.

Rip closed the door to Jonas’ room quietly and sighed in relief when there was no sign the little boy had woken up. Rip loved his son, but Jonas could run rings around the two of them.

“So,” Miranda wrapped her arms around his neck, “Are you ready to try to make another little angel?”

Sliding his arms around her waist, Rip laughed, “Little angel? You referred to him as the demon spawn yesterday.”

“But you saw him sleeping there,” Miranda replied, her voice filled with adoration, “We could do that again. Maybe a little girl this time. A little princess for you to spoil.”

At her smile Rip kissed her, “Sounds nice.”

“It does, doesn’t it,” Miranda murmured, touching a few kisses to his neck.

Moaning softly at her continuing gentle touches, Rip moaned, “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I am,” Miranda dragged him into their bedroom.

  Rip was woken by the sound of the bedroom door banging open, he opened his eyes to see his little boy wander in. Jonas was clad in his favourite pyjamas, blue with space ships covering them, dragging his bear along by its ear.

Gary Bear had been Miranda’s when she was a child and was passed to Jonas who went nowhere without him. There had been a major temper tantrum during the house move when Gary Bear was lost for the longest five minutes of their lives. Reaching out Rip caught his son and pulled him up, planting a kiss on his pudgy cheek before resting him on the bed between his parents. Jonas squirmed until he was settled under the covers leaning against the pillow with Gary in his arms. Rip lay with his arm across the two people who mattered most in the world to him. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to have them.

He remembered meeting Miranda for the first time, they were fifteen and had been made lab partners. Rip had been sure that she wouldn’t even look in his direction outside the class, never mind go out with him. But she did. In fact she asked him and Rip couldn’t imagine his life without her or Jonas in it.

They’d started trying for a second baby a few weeks before, now that they were in the position to have another child. Jonas had been a bit of an accident. Rip was hoping for a girl who looked like her mother because he couldn’t think of anything better.

Miranda opened her eyes and smiled at him as Jonas lay between them talking to his bear. Rip slid his hand into hers, enjoying the perfect morning with his family.

                                  *********************************************

  “What are you doing?”

The annoyed voice made Gideon look over to the door where her best friend stood, arms folded across her chest with a frown on her face.

“I’m working,” Gideon noted, “What does it look like, Lily?”

“The doctor’s said you’re meant to be resting?” Lily moved to the side of Gideon’s bed, “Not stressing yourself out.”

Gideon rolled her eyes, “I’m writing a computer game for kids, it’s not like I’m trying to climb a mountain. Hey,” she cried as Lily shut the laptop lid.

“You’re meant to be resting,” Lily stated again disapprovingly, “Caitlin was very specific when they released you this morning.”

Gideon sighed, “I have been in hospital all week and I am still in a bed, Lily. I am so bored, I just want to pretend to be normal for a while.”

“I know,” Lily took her hand, “And I hate this too but…” she took a breath, “You will get a new heart. I know this, don’t give up hope.”

Sadly Gideon nodded, “I won’t. Since you refuse to let me work, I’m going to get some sleep.”

Squeezing her hand, Lily leaned over and kissed Gideon’s forehead, “I’ll let Mom know. Night.”

Gideon slid to lie down, annoyed when her arm and hand was caught on her IV line. It had been a cold, a stupid cold virus that Gideon thought she’d shake off in a few days. Then she fainted at work, woke up in the emergency room and the next thing she knew the doctors were telling her that her heart was damaged beyond repair. Gideon was now on the transplant list and spent her time either in hospital or in the room her best friend’s parents had set up for her.

The life she intended to have on hold as she hoped for a miracle.

  “Good morning,” Clarissa Stein smiled when she opened the door the next morning and brought in a tray with Gideon’s breakfast on it, “How are you today?”

Letting out a long sigh Gideon shrugged, “I’m okay.”

“Okay,” Clarissa set the tray down, “I made you an omelette, with some orange juice. There’s water for your medicine as well.”

“Thank you, Clarissa,” Gideon said because as bored as she was, Gideon was grateful that she had been taken in by the Steins.

Gideon and Lily had met at university becoming the best of friends, they’d rented an apartment together for the last few years of their course. Gideon had been on her own since her parents had died not long after her sixteenth birthday so when she met her new friend’s parents, she was surprised but happy that they basically adopted her as their own within minutes. A few years after they finished University Gideon moved to Central City to take a job with Palmer Tech, to Lily’s excitement. When she’d fallen ill Clarissa and Martin insisted that she stay with them until she was better. Gideon wasn’t sure that would ever happen, but she appreciated their kindness. However, all the equipment needed was bought by her. She had the money. Inherited from her parents and Gideon made a lot of smart investments.

While she waited for a heart, Gideon had been relieved when her doctor’s boyfriend’s friend needed a programmer for his small start-up company. It wasn’t hard work or paid more than buttons, but Gideon cared about neither. It gave her something to focus on when the exhaustion and despair filled her.

“Oh,” Clarissa said, “Your friend Cisco dropped off a flash drive for you. He wants you to look over it when you get a chance.”

“Thank you, Clarissa,” Gideon smiled slightly.

Giving her another smile Clarissa started out the room, “Let me know if you need anything.”

Forcing a smile onto her face Gideon nodded.

Maybe one day she would be able to go back to living her life.

                                  *********************************************

  “Jonas, come here,” Rip chased his laughing son around the living room, “It’s time to go.”

The little boy giggled enjoying his game.

“If you don’t come then you won’t get to see all our friends at the party,” Rip reminded him.

Jonas stalled before he turned and ran to his father who lifted the boy into his arms.

“Why do we have to go to this?” Miranda asked with a pout on her face.

“Because Quentin is our friend,” Rip noted as he put Jonas’ jacket in him.

Miranda rolled her eyes, “You almost get arrested once and you can’t get rid of the cop.”

Rip chuckled, “He didn’t arrest you.”

“How would you know?” she tossed over her shoulder as she checked the small bag for Jonas, “You weren’t there.”

“Quentin told me the story,” Rip reminded her adding before she could say anything, “And I believe him rather than you in this.”

Miranda rolled her eyes and took Jonas into her arms, “Make sure you remember the wine.”

Watching her head out to the car to strap Jonas in, Rip smiled amused. It had been only a month after they’d moved to Star City, Miranda was out with a few of her new work mates when a man had tried to grope one of the women. Miranda stopped him, so he tried to hit her and discovered a few seconds later that the small brunette was a black belt.

Quentin Lance, Detective in the Star City PD was at the bar meeting a friend and had intervened. The guy didn’t want to press charges, not wanting to let anyone know he’d been knocked down by a woman almost a foot smaller than he was. Since the owner wanted her out, Quentin offered Miranda a lift home, discovering that they lived on the same block. Now, several years later, they were still good friends with him and his wife Dinah.

The party was for Quentin’s birthday, so he had decided to have a barbecue. The back garden of the house was already full of people when they arrived, Rip could feel Jonas squirming to get down so he could start running around.

“Hey, there’s my favourite boy,” the blonde appeared.

“Say,” Jonas cried, clapping his hands, “Say.”

Sara Lance reached out, Rip let the little boy jump into her arms and Sara hugged him close.

“Let’s go and say hello to everyone,” Sara kissed the boy before she gave Rip and Miranda a smile, disappearing into the crowd with their son.

Miranda hugged Rip’s arm, “I do love seeing our friends.”

“And I thought you didn’t want to come,” Rip reminded her amused.

Giving a soft chuckle, Miranda murmured to him, “We could always find an empty room and have another go at making a baby.”

Rolling his eyes Rip laughed, “We’re at our friends’ birthday party.”

“Wimp,” she shot at him, before smiling as Dinah Lance came over to greet them.

  Jonas was chasing the Lance’s next-door neighbour’s puppy had just got, while they sat around the garden finishing their drinks and the food. Rip kept his arm around his wife keeping half an eye on their son while he ran around.

“So, summer vacation,” Quentin noted as he handed them another drink, “What are you doing now your classes have ended?”

Rip smiled, “We’re heading home next week and staying with my mother for a month. Jonas will be spoiled rotten.”

“That’s what grandmothers are for,” Dinah noted, smiling at her daughters who nodded in agreement.

Miranda laughed, “Although Mary makes sure she tells us how hard it is that she doesn’t get to see her grandson because we moved so far away from her.”

“But that is your fault,” Rip reminded her amused, “Since you persuaded me to move here.”

Miranda chuckled again, “I gave her a grandson. That saved me.”

“Is Jonas going to get a brother or sister one of these days?” Dinah asked, grinning when they glanced at one another quickly, “And?”

Shaking her head, Miranda replied, “We’re thinking about it. Rip is getting more responsibility next year at work and the gallery is giving me more hours after the summer. Adding a baby right now…”

“It’s a lot,” Rip finished for her, “But we’d like another one.”

“You could just get a dog,” Sara suggested motioning to where Jonas was playing, “He wouldn’t know the difference.”

Laurel laughed, “Well, that’s not true exactly. A dog would be less annoying than a younger sibling.”

Sara threw a roll at her sister as the rest of the group laughed.

  Jonas giggled as Sara tickled him while helping him put his jacket on.

“Say bye to Sara,” Rip said to his son.

Jonas gave her a sweet smile, “Bye, bye Say.”

Sara took the little face in her hands and pressed several kisses to his cheeks, “Bye, my boy. I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay,” Rip pulled his son away from her, “We’ll see you on Monday morning.”

“I’ll be there by nine,” she promised.

Rip smiled, “Thanks for agreeing to watch him while we pack.”

“It’s not a problem. You know I’m happy to watch Jonas whenever you need,” Sara said, opening the car door for him, Rip efficiently got Jonas into his car seat and strapped in before the little boy could try to escape. Turning he saw Miranda hugging Dinah.

“We’ll see you when you get back,” Dinah told them, “Enjoy your trip and say hello to Mary from us.”

Miranda nodded before she climbed into the driver’s seat while Rip slid into the seat beside Jonas, “We will.”

With a bright smile she started the car, the radio springing to life and a song filling the car. As they pulled away, Jonas waved to everyone. The couple sang along with the music as Miranda drove while Rip made Gary Bear dance for their son who laughed and clapped.

The sound of screeching brakes filled the car before there was a loud bang, a tinkling of glass, the car was suddenly on its’ side and Rip fell into blackness.

[novantinuum]

A Link Beyond Memory (ch 2/4)

AO3

Fandom: Trollhunters, 3Below

Rating: T (for minor language in future chapters)

Words: 600~

Pairings: Jim/Claire, but not focus

Summary: Shortly after the events of the Eternal Night, memories of a day that never happened somehow resurface in Jim’s mind in his sleep- and upon recalling the friendship he and Aja formed, he decides to pursue that connection again. Slice of life, and kinda a slow burn friendship reunion. A hybrid of prose and chat fic (to be seen in later chapters.)

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Note: Unfortunately, fic circulation online is getting harder and harder as the months pass. Please, if you read to the end and enjoy, consider helping me out by reblogging this post, or even commenting/giving kudos over on AO3. Thanks! :D

Chapter 2: Transit

Transit- The instant when a celestial object crosses the meridian, thus reaching the highest point in the sky.

~

T: hhhh miss ya already. tbh i dont know what im supposed to do this summer now ahah

T: i was all looking forward to hangin with you and claire and everyone else in trollmarket and now…

T: i mean i still have aaarrrgghh. and darci and eli too i guess but

T: really starting to wish i came along.

T: i know you said to watch over the town while youre gone and i know thats a good point but honestly i just wanna be with you

T: jim?

T: yoooo ? did u die

T: god i hope not after all the end of the world chaos thatd be really anticlimactic

J: Sorry no I lost signal for a bit!! Miss you too gahhh.

T: pls know if you so much as say the word ill crawl on the first airplane i can find and launch myself directly at your face

T: jim liSTEN jim im not even kidding

T: screw arcadia

T: if you need me im there

J: Omg I’ll defo keep that in mind

T: ..jk dont screw arcadia tho i love this place. also its already screwed enough at this point so

T: hey but you think merlin could make me another warhammer for my growing arsenal?

J: Yeah I think he could be easily convinced.

J: He’s kinda sucking up to me now hahah

J: He already made Claire a sorta necklace amulet to store her armor so a magic hammer should be no problem

T: awesomesauceee

J: Any particular reason lol?

T: i dunno i just think itd look wicked cool to double wield, like general orzan from gun robot three. also lets be real after all the crap he put us through we deserve S W A G

J: I’ll ask tomorrow. Hey quick Q for you though

J: Well okay not exactly quick  

J: It’s actually a long story but-

T: ye?

J: Do you happen to have Aja’s number or anything?

J: We took her and her bro down to the Janus Order, lightning in a bottle, remember her?

T: ye i know- lively! and uhhh don’t think i do? havent really talked to them since why

J: I get the strangest sense we’re supposed to know them more than we do. Had a really weird dream but it felt more like a lost memory. Think it’s an amulet thing, like that alternate timeline it made me live through once?

T: huh funky

J: Also supposedly according to the dream/memory both Aja and Krel are… not from Earth?

T: dude no offense but are you sure it wasnt just a normal dream

J: Seriously.?

J: Merlin turned me into a fucking TROLL and aliens are where you decide to draw the line

T: okay yknow thats fair

T: i take that back  

T: okay so,, aja and krel are MAYBE aliens. got that. go onnn

J: What I saw honestly felt so real, I swear. It was two weeks ago, at the science fair. We were fighting a troll in the planetarium with them, and the troll kept combining magic with some alien tech, which kept reversing everyone back to the beginning of the day, like a time loop or something. But I could remember everything bc of the amulet. Aja remembered bc of some energy shield she had. We lived through the same day almost a dozen times.

T: whoa…

J: And get this- in some of those loops we even went to their house and got to look around inside their spaceship! But none of us are supposed to recall any of it bc technically the entire day never happened? It’s how we defeated the troll, that bit’s a little fuzzy. A lot of technobabble sorry.

T: goddd out of all the days to forget huh

J: Right??

J: I guess… if she remembered all of this before I’m kinda curious if she still remembers now too. If it really happened. We were friends in that memory. It’d be nice to maybe get to know her again, y’know?

T: okay you’re prob gonna hate me for suggesting this but i THINK steve has her number

T: bc i was talking to darci and she said that mary told her that aja and steve are like, a thing now

T: a Thing thing

T: i believe her exact words were ‘staja’ ?

J: Oh my god how’d that happen is he even capable of proper flirting

T: well if shes an alien like you think then maybe she doesn’t know what human flirting looks like

J: Haha maybe indeed. I’ll go talk to him thanks

J: G’night Tobes love ya

T: night buddy <3

(my notes from ao3:)

Admission, I had far too much fun with the text format. I've never attempted anything like it, but I especially wanted to create unique "character voices" that extended into the way they each type- which was a cool challenge.

I imagined Toby as the sort of person who types out his thoughts far too quickly to care about punctuation, and IMO if Trollhunters was set just a year later (I generally just imagine it all set in 2016) he'd be keymashing. Jim is more of a full sentence type of guy who never turned off auto capitalization.

ALSO, a note on the contact photos- (Jim's which I directly took from a screenshot from Claire's phone, and Toby's which I edited from some 2D concept art)- That's the photo Jim uses for Toby's contact, and I imagine there's probably some inside joke where Jim took a really derpy photo of him at one point and they laughed so hard about it that he immortalized it as his contact. Jim's personal contact photo is... well, as this all takes place post s3 of course, a rather sad reminder of his loss of humanity. He can't bother himself to change it currently.

Future chapters will likely be a mix of text AND prose, instead of one or the other. Hope you enjoyed!

[chimyoung]

I’ll Try

As requested by @agylala7: what about the second prompt with Yoongi and OC, but where OC is the art student who smokes and Yoongi is the med student?

Here we go! This was supposed to be a drabble but it went over 2k so does it still count?

Warning/s: SMOKING (pls do not, take it from a smoker, it is very expensive and bad for your health), swearing, reader gets sick, mentions of gross sick stuff.

Paring: Med Student!Min Yoongi x Art Student!Reader

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence for your peers to find you outside, under one of the large trees on the quad with a cigarette in your mouth. It was a well-known fact that you were a chain smoker, many of your professors and friends trying to lecture you on the detrimental impact that the nicotine had on your health, but you never listened.

Min Yoongi was one of those people who were trying to convince you to quit smoking, or at least cut back from two packs a day. At first he had started out by simply looking at you and telling you that the ‘cancer stick’ was going to kill you before you saw your first grandchild. He was a very blunt man, but that was probably what made you fall in love with him in the first place.

Min Yoongi was the complete and total opposite of you, with his natural black hair, no piercings other than his ears and no other body modifications whatsoever, he was not afraid to speak his mind or call people out on their bullshit. Yoongi dressed to be comfortable, and his outward appearance, although intimidating, was somewhat comforting. He was a med student who would never even think of putting a lit cigarette anywhere near his face. 

You on the other hand, had bright red hair, a couple of piercings (your nose and lip) as well as your ears, you had tattoos all over your body and you were a very soft, outspoken person no matter what you looked like. You often dressed in a way that would scare people off, and it was a common occurrence for people to cross the road to avoid you altogether. You were a socially awkward art student who couldn’t really go ten minutes without a hit of nicotine.

“Large soy chai latte, no foam!” You called, finishing the order and pushing the to-go cup forward in time for the business lady to snatch it off the counter and completely ignore your polite smile. Seeing no more orders for you, you wiped down the coffee machine and moved out from behind the counter, joining Hoseok in cleaning the now empty tables. It was a late Tuesday evening, and the quaint little café that you worked at was beginning to start closing, ready to turn in for the night.

“Here, I’ll take that. You go talk to your lover boy.” Hoseok winked, taking the empty plates from your hands. Hoseok was much like you in his appearance, two full sleeves of tattoos to complement his spider bites and eyebrow piercing. He was your best friend and he was also a pain in the ass, often giving you a hard time for your crush on Yoongi, your polar opposite. Where you had fallen for a man who was complete opposite of you, Hoseok’s boyfriend, Taehyung, was very much the same as him, maybe with a few less tattoos.

“Fuck off, Hobi.” You spoke, but handed over the plates in any case, turning to see Yoongi sat in the corner with three empty mugs around him, typing furiously on his laptop. You assumed that the med students had an assignment or test of some sort coming up, explaining the urgent way that Yoongi was slamming his fingers against the keypad.

“Do you need another?” You asked as soon as you got close enough, taking a small amount of joy in the way that the man jumped, his hand almost knocking one of the mugs from their place beside him.

“Um, yeah. Just a latte, thanks. I’m nearly done.” He smiled up at you, watching as you collected the empty cups and plates, nodding as he spoke.

“No problem. It won’t be too long.” You smiled back, turning to walk away. Jimin had taken your place at the coffee machine, so you relayed Yoongi’s order before grabbing your packet of cigarettes from your jacket’s front pocket and taking your lighter from Jimin’s outstretched hand. You often left it laying around, and your friends ever so diligently continued to pick it up for you.

“I’m going for a smoke, I’ll be back in like 5 minutes.” You said, moving towards the back of the store, and out the back door, flipping Jin off when he made some comment about not getting cancer before he can draw up the next roster. Placing the cigarette between your lips and sparking the flame from the lighter, you inhaled the toxins, letting out a relieved sigh at the familiar burn. The tightness in your chest dissipated upon seeing the cloud of grey smoke leave your lips, blowing away with the breeze. 

You were in a world all your own, thinking over the man who sat inside and what he would say to you when you walked back inside. He often left little notes on the napkins, other staff at the café passing them along to you. At first you were a little put off when you read “EXPOSURE TO SECOND HAND SMOKE KILLS NEARLY 50,000 PEOPLE EACH YEAR IN THE U.S ALONE”. Though as time went on, the little notes became more frequent, facts about cigarettes and the deadly impact that they had on the average human. Now you had begun to expect them, somewhat looking forward to them in your own morbid way. Stomping out the now finished cigarette, you exhaled the lung full of smoke, waiting a little so that you wouldn’t smell too strongly of smoke, before you made your way back into the café, finding Yoongi gone but a note left in his place, folded in half with your name scratched onto the top in his usual scrawl.

“What did he leave you this time? His number? The national quitting help line? The number to some sort of a funeral service?” Hoseok asked as you unfolded the paper, smirking at the newest note.

“TABBACO ADDICTS ARE MOST LIKELY TO CONSIDER QUITTING ON A MONDAY. MAYBE I SHOULD HAVE COME IN YESTERDAY?” It read, making you giggle quietly at the absurdness of the fact.

“Nothing of your concern.” You quipped, walking towards the front doors to lock them and flip the open sign to close.

The next time you spoke to Yoongi, you were sat under the largest tree on the quad, a lit cigarette in your mouth, and two finished ones stamped out beside you.

“You are going to die an incredibly early death if you continue smoking at the rate you are.” His voice cut through your thoughts, halting the movement of your pencil on your paper.

“We’re all gonna die Yoongi. When, where or how is undecided. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, and that would have nothing to do with my smoking habits.” You said, smirking up at the man and taking another drag.

“You are as bad a Namjoon. I’m just pointing out that the likeliness of you living to the ripe old age of 45 is pretty low.” He spoke back sarcastically, beginning to walk away once more. You laughed at his statement, taking one final drag from your cigarette and putting it out, half finished. 

“Now I might make it to 46!” You exclaimed, smiling at him and picking up your pencil once more. 

“Maybe. It might take a little more than that though.” He quipped.

“I’ll try.”

You went the next few weeks without seeing Yoongi, too swept up in work and your classes to even bother looking for the man, and with the stress of three back to back major assessments, your smoking increased as well. Probably getting you to where you are now.

You had been with Hoseok, Taehyung and Jimin when you began to feel short of breath. You had been dealing with a pretty persistent cough for about two weeks now, putting it down to coming down with a head cold or something, but this was different. Your chest was tight, and your coughs were racking through your body, the other boys looking over at you worried.

You had managed to grab a tissue from the coffee table in front of you, and pulling away to find a yellow-grey coloured mucus was concerning. Even further concerning was the fact that specks of blood covered the small area on the tissue.

“Okay that’s it. You’re going to a hospital. I don’t care what you say.” Hoseok jumped up, moving to wrap his arm around your waist and walk you out of your apartment, the two younger boys following. Your wheezing only seemed to get worse, as did the tightness in your chest and it wasn’t long before you were groaning with the effort it took to inhale. 

Reaching the hospital seemed to take less time than you remember, Jimin and Taehyung jumping from the car to grab you whilst Hoseok went to find somewhere to park. Jimin was supporting you while Taehyung ran ahead to get some help. You had barely made it through the front doors before there was nurses grabbing at you and putting you on a hospital bed, wheeling you away from your friends. You made it into the ER, two of the nurses talking to you to tell you that a doctor would be on his way soon, and that they were going to be taking your vitals.

“Okay, honey, can you tell me your symptoms? How long have you had them?” One of them, an older lady, asked, smiling down at you in comfort.

“Um… I feel like I can’t breathe, my chest feels really tight. I’ve been coughing for about two weeks now and it’s had mucus and only just recently I’ve been coughing up blood too.” You tried to explain, trying to ignore the feeling of passing out.

“I’ll take it from here, Joy. Hello miss, I’m Dr Kim. I hope you don’t mind but there is also a medical student with me as well,” Another smiling woman approached leaning over you to inspect. “Have you had any trouble sleeping at all, or a fever perhaps?”

“Yeah, but I just thought it was a head cold or something, nothing too serious.” You said, your words coming out in between pants. You were finding it increasingly difficult to breathe.

“Okay, just a couple more questions. Are you a smoker at all or have you been exposed to cigarette smoke regularly over the time of your illness?” She asked, the sound of scribbling drawing your attention away from the woman. You couldn’t see whoever it was so you turned your focus back to the doctor.

“Uh, yeah. I smoke.” You said, a little ashamed with the way this woman was looking at you.

“Okay, how often? As in, how many packs a day do you think you average?” She questioned further.

“Maybe two, usually. But I’ve been really stressed lately so maybe more.” You spoke, trying to remember just how many packets you had gone through in the past three weeks. 

“Hmm.” She hummed, pulling her stethoscope out and listening to the rattling of your lungs as you inhaled and exhaled on her command. She said a few more things before a nurse came over and demanded the doctor’s presence.

“Okay, you can probably finish this. Give your diagnosis and check it with the primary and the head nurse.” Dr Kim said to whoever the med student was. There was a noise of affirmation and a new figure stepped into your line of sight. Min Yoongi had his most disappointed look printed across his face, looking down at you in the same way your parents would.

“So from what I can tell, you’ve got chronic bronchitis. Not cancer, thank god. You’re probably gonna need some respiratory antibiotics and inhalants, and pulmonary rehabilitation. That means quitting smoking.” Yoongi spoke softly but he was stern, letting you know he wasn’t up for any of your bullshit. He waved down a nurse and told her of his diagnosis, watching as she pulled a breathing mask over your face and went to go grab the head nurse in charge.

You were still stunned but you nodded, your eyes never once leaving him. He was still so attractive, even when he was obviously tired and upset with you.

“You know, if you give up the smoking, I may just ask you on a date.” Yoongi spoke so nonchalantly that you almost thought that you heard him wrong.

“I’ll try.” Your voice was muffled but he understood you perfectly.

“I suppose that’s all I can ask.” He brushed your hair off of your forehead and further shocked you by placing a kiss on the now exposed skin.

“I’ll be back later. Try and get some rest for now.” He looked over at you, almost as if he didn’t want to leave as much as you didn’t want him to leave.

“I’ll try.”

[inventedworld]

CREATIVE WORK MEETS PANDEMIC REALITIES

What day is it? Many people aren’t sure each morning, with Groundhog Day repetitions starting to dull the senses. Work days have become strangely dislocating. With so much work now being done from kitchen tables and makeshift desks at home, each day in t-shirts and warm-ups looks and feels like every other. Emails come in, emails go out. Virtual meetings fill screens. Tricky efforts to keep work moving productively often takes more time than ever before. 

Weekend arrangements? There’s nowhere to go in the middle of a pandemic, for all of the obvious reasons. What to eat? If it isn’t coming out of your own kitchen it’s probably not on the menu. What to read? What to watch? You might have your own plan, but for many people those plans are starting to wear thin.

But what if you’re a creative person, struggling to…y’know….create something?

You’d think there would be a sudden surfeit of free time. Time sitting in traffic has fallen close to zero hours per week. Social outings have disappeared. Nobody travels anywhere to speak of, and daily rhythms have become as predictable and autonomic as morning coffee rituals. Free of our temporal chains, artists of the world should be rejoicing, unshackled from so many bonds that ordinarily keep us from painting, filming, or writing the great American 21st century novel. 

Reality is such a kick, right?

For many creatives, the juices aren’t flowing. Granted a reprieve from what ails us most, many can’t figure out what to do with the new stockpiles of time on our hands.  Sure, there are reports from certain writers and musicians who’ve found this time of socially suspended animation ideal for self-sequestered artistic exploration. But many confide in a constant struggle to render even a handful of pixels into a single sequences of images. Daydreams are easy, but ask a writer to try and string a few words into a smart sentence, and it’s as if the world has also had to contend with rampant, contagious aphasia

It’s not for lack of desire. 

Or, said a little differently, desire on the part of many creatives has been short circuited by distracted thinking. Did I start soaking those dried beans I’m planning for supper tomorrow? What are the latest infection stats for people in my state? Do I need to rake the leaves? Get some exercise? Maybe I could go  bake a bread?

This is all to say, my fellow creatives, you’re not alone. The paradox of having plenty of time is that it’s challenging to focus your energies. Without the compressed heat and mixing that daily life typically imposes, creative fermentation sometimes stagnates. We paint what we see; we write what we experience; we sing when we feel. These days we’re seeing the same old t-shirts and sofas. We’re spending too much time doom-scrolling Twitter. We’re tired of making our tried and true recipies for the 100th time.

If these trying days find us healthy and solvent, however, we have no right to complain. So many are struggling with so much real pain this year that laments about elusive screenplays or photographic projects are veritable insults, profound insensitivities. A license to create art in the face of food shortages and lethal illness constitutes what should be regarded as humbling good fortune. But inside the microcosm of creative effort that some of us have spent to make something meaningful, I’m aware of Hippocrates’s perfect aphorism: ars longa, vita brevis.  Art is long. Life is short. 

Churning skies, stormy weather: there’s a bright spot in all of this. Creatives may be struggling to keep going, but these dark days are protean teaching salons for keeping our own internal factories up and running. Forced to find fuel from internal excavations, we’ve had to develop new ways to engage with the world. We’ve taken notes, we’ve persevered, we’ve started into the darkness in the middle of the night when ideas visit us like familiar spirits. Many times those numinous visions have propelled me up from the covers so that I could capture them for later employment. Many times the traces of those spirits wait for me in the light of day like maps to hidden gold.

Historians will mark 2020 as a dark year for art. Many creatives, already struggling to survive in a culture that doesn’t always value art unless it’s conflated with “entertainment”, barely held on. Many were forced to abandon dreams simply to find a way to get the rent paid or food on the table.

2021 is not a promise of a return to brighter days, but it does augur a thin line of hopeful sun peeking through clouds on the horizon. We all know that nothing will ever be as it was. The future will not be a continuation of the past, divided by the pandemic. For some things, actually, that transformation is long overdue.  But for everyone who’s trying to figure out how to keep their own creative lives and projects on track, there is a conduit to connect what came before with what comes after. That conduit is the work itself. It has a life of its own. Creative work is not something artists choose to do. The work itself chooses artists bring it to life (And if you’re not an artists yourself and think that statement is nuts, just ask a creative person in your life if he or she understands. I guarantee they do.)   We who tell stories for a living, who sing and dance and write lines of verse simply in order to keep our days organized and whole, will emerge from this year changed forever. But like all who spend their lives in creative endeavors, we will be tempered by experience, and experience itself is the ultimate sharpening tool. 

@michaelstarobin

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