#maybe they’re not what I believe but valid nonetheless

[quibbs126]

For me, most of the cookies of darkness are kind of terrible to each other. They don't really have much trust or love for each other, just working on a job for a charismatic leader.

Dark Choco was one of the few ones who managed to get out of that group and seams to be doing all the better for it. I like to think that if he and Licorice where to have a relationship, it would also require Licorice leaving the group as well.

What i mean to say is, 'Thats how i'm fanficing the ship'. Where Licorice ether leaves or otherwise is questioning what he's doing with his life, and wants to see how Dark Choco is doing.

Yeah, looking at their relationship charts and just their behavior in general, outside of Poison Mushroom, in canon they seem to be a pretty dysfunctional group. I get why people want to make them into like a found family, and I do find it cute, but again, in canon this doesn’t seem to be the case. So yeah, I get what you mean. And your idea of how this relationship would happen and Licorice leaving also sounds like an interesting one.

This isn’t necessarily for shipping purposes, it’s just in general, but I did once have an idea that Licorice, along with others like his minions and maybe Poison Mushroom, end up leaving the Cookies of Darkness because of the Sovereign of Darkness, and seeing what that thing is and knowing how messed up it is for Dark Choco is what gets him to leave. Because while Licorice may not have liked Dark Choco all that much, he definitely didn’t deserve being made into basically a living dough puppet, his only moments of consciousness being agonizing screams, and what possibly transpired to turn him into the Sovereign. Like it’s way too far and he can’t really stand for it, so he leaves and maybe warns the good guys (though that doesn’t necessarily mean he joins them). Just something I wanted to share

[hurlumerlu]

Kinnporsche week 2022

Day 6 : “Why are you naked?” + fun

“Why are you naked?”

It’s kind of a silly question, and could have been prefaced by good morning. Pete doesn’t stop his workout.

“I’m not naked. I’m wearing a tank top.”

“Hmm.” In the window, the reflection of a bed-haired Vegas shuffles into the living room. “Don’t you own, like, ten of those? You didn’t have to steal mine.”

“I didn’t want to wake you up so I picked one at random.” Pete throws a glance over his shoulder, “But it’s true that this one is a little tight, now that you mention it.”

“Please. You’re not that buff.” Vegas flops on the couch. He rarely bothers to strive for elegance when they’re alone, but there’s a certain grace to his movements anyway, innate or practiced until it became automatic. Pete doesn’t know. Maybe they’ll talk about it one day.

“Buffer than you are”, he says instead, because riling Vegas has always, always been fun.

“And in the nude in front of the patio door, for everyone to see.”

Bait not taken, then. Fine. Pete huffs. He’s facing the garden. Everyone, here, only means the one person who’s already seen all there was to see, up close and personal, multiple times. In fact, Pete’s pretty sure he still has forensics-usable toothprints on his left cheek.

“Can’t a man be naked in his own home?”

A rhetorical question, sure, but the lack of response unsettles him nonetheless. Pete sets his dumbbells down and turns.

Vegas is staring at him with soft eyes.

“What? It’s not that weird. Our junk needs to breathe too, you know.”

Vegas doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. When he speaks, his voice is even softer than his gaze. “I think it’s the first time you called it home.”

It can’t be true, can it? It’s their house. It’s their home. Surely he’s said so before. Hasn’t he? Was Vegas quietly waiting for that validation, for yet another reassurance? Pete clears his throat.

“Well, it is. My home. And I will walk its grounds butt-naked if I want to.”

“As you should.” Vegas laughs. It’s another soft thing, small and private, not intended for mass consumption. Pete wants to eat it. “I’m a firm believer in nakedness in the house. But I was hoping you were trying to seduce me first thing in the morning.”

Pete takes the time to consider that. He knows he looks ridiculous right now, but. But.

“Would it work?” he asks, and if he fails at not sounding hopeful, that’s all right. He’ll let Vegas win that one.

[myrfing]

i sometimes daydream about people’s characters LMAOAOOA. in the rare times I draw them, I’m obsessive about expressing what I like about them, what I think is charming. i imagine in my head how the stories being told to me go, how the light in the setting is and how their character walks and blinks and how surely they speak, and what kinds of moments people want to convey when they tell them. i like thinking about how someone’s character would be like if i passed them on the street in the same universe; totally fucking corny but I imagine my head turning each time. and until now I legitimately couldn’t fathom everyone whose ever decided to read my 72927393 word long texts about gourd or drawn him wonderfully with consideration to everything I’ve said he was was just being a fake loser for clout or validation or whatever. a lot of people are not stuck here just by force or vice; they’re here because they choose to be, generally. people share things here pretty much BECAUSE people can pick and choose whether to be interested or not, and it’s not personal when they aren’t. impersonal and shallow maybe, sure, but you can choose whether or not to even be here at all.

i dont think people are being cringe or hypocritical for answering wolqtds with earnestness or sharing fandom shit they wouldn’t share in real life, even if they are catty or disingenuous in other contexts. very kind and down to earth and mature people wouldn’t share their fantasy rps with their coworkers or drinking friends, either. it’s just time and place. i promise you you will loathe people far less and be far less bitter if you stop trying to psychoanalyze people you never have spoken to nor have to speak to. you really dont have to guess anyone’s intentions online or be afraid of other people who are most likely not neatly in any sort of mental category or dichotomy you’ve imagined them to be in your sickness of them. i say this as the #1 makes snap judgements about people guy LMFAO i only know what is shown to me and I don’t forget that. and while it’s all a telling part of them nonetheless, my curiosity or how much weight I lend to that judgement is up to me and only matters to me yeah. i’ve found myself worrying too about what impact my opinions have on other people and at that point I just removed myself. and then remembered it doesnt matter one bit lmaooo most everyone comes to their own heart’s conclusions on their own time and believe what they want as a summation of their experiences i never was so powerful as to influence people in that way

[majestyeverlasting]

Congratulations on your one month tumblr anniversary! Could you please write prompts 16 and 46 with fatws!Bucky x reader? Thank you! :)

♡ Hi, thank you so much! I appreciate you for waiting on me to write this. I had a lot of fun with it, so I hope you enjoy! To summarize, the reader gets to accompany Bucky on an assignment in Germany, and the two of them take advantage of the special housing arrangement they’re given on a private portion of the beach. You guys get to see a little dash of multilingual Bucky towards the end in a really sweet way. The whole thing is pretty cute overall.

♡ Prompt 16: “You’re not good at pretending to be asleep.”

♡ Prompt 46: “Stop making me laugh, I’m supposed to be angry with you.”

Once More

As the tide rolled in, a gentle breeze came with it. Each ebb and flow brought the lukewarm water of the bay running over your feet as your toes pressed into the soft sand. The seagulls gliding above seemed to be welcoming you as they released their throaty cries into the air. Aside from them and the gentle slosh of the bubbling tide, there were no immediate sounds; it was peaceful.

That portion of the beach was private, situated along the Bay of Kiel. It sat behind the small, white, house that you and Bucky were staying in for the week-long duration of his assignment. It was the first time in a while that you’d been able to accompany him because, for once, he and Sam were solely doing investigative work.

There would be no intense pursuits, no combat, no casualties. Just observing.

In the weeks prior, the Office of International Affairs in D.C. had received word that under-the-table negotiations were being proposed in the port city of Kiel. They needed eyes and ears on the ground to confirm whether or not such claims were valid. Because if they were, a major threat would be posed to European infrastructure and the millions who depended on it. So after housing arrangements were made, the three of you were flown into a private airport in Germany along with a couple of military agents.

It was a peculiar getaway, but a getaway no less.

You let out a small yelp when a pair of arms snaked around your waist from behind, squeezing gently. “Hey, pretty girl,” Bucky murmured into your ear, kissing it afterwards. “I saw you walk out here.”

As you relaxed, a thoughtful hum rose up your throat. “I figured you might’ve. You’re not very good at pretending to be asleep.”

Before you wandered out to the shoreline, Bucky had been laying on the wicker couch on the back porch, baby blue cushions beneath him. There were a pair of aviator sunglasses covering his eyes as his chest rose with steady breaths. You had paused to see if he was awake and would acknowledge you. The corners of his lips twitched upwards the slightest bit, which you almost considered calling him out for.

But when he didn’t show any other signs of being awake, you leaned down to press a light kiss to his forehead before heading down the steps, and onto the wooden walkway that led to the sand.

At your comment, Bucky chuckled and let his mouth move the spot beneath your ear, nipping gently.

You shivered, and said, “I should’ve pinched you.”

“That wouldn’t have been nice.” A smile was evident in his voice.

You shrugged with a small huff of laughter. The two of you then gazed out at the expanse of the bay. Ships sailed along the line of the horizon in the distance. The tide continued rolling in, though never rising quite above your knees.

“I love you,” he said eventually, his words competing with the seagulls.

“I love you too.” He coaxed you to turn to face him. When you did, you saw that the white button down he wore was unbuttoned and flowing in the calm wind.

Seamlessly, his flesh hand rose to cup your face and he connected his lips to yours. You could taste the lingering hint of Merlot on his tongue from when you two had shared a glass in the hour prior. Bucky kissed you slowly, and gently, yet still with passion. Had the tide not been lapping at your legs, you would have had reason to believe you were floating.

You chased his lips for a final peck when he started to pull away, making him smile. He looked handsome in the late afternoon sun and you allowed yourself to study his face. A few freckles lined his cheeks and you reached up to run your finger over them. Then your hand fell so that you could wrap your arms around him in an embrace. His secured around you in return.

It was getting closer to the time he had to meet up with Sam and the agents to eavesdrop on a meeting being held at a classified location near the Port of Kiel shipyard.

“You have to leave me soon, don’t you?” You asked, head resting on his shoulder.

“In another hour,” he confirmed. “I should be back before it gets too late.”

“Okay,” you murmured. “And you promise you guys will be safe?”

Bucky chuckled and gave you a squeeze. “We’ve done this kinda stuff once or twice, doll. We’ll be alright,” he said, a note of teasing to his tone. “But, yes. I promise.”

It was before midnight when he arrived back at the house. Late, but before midnight nonetheless. When he walked through the front door, you were laying on the couch in the living room, curled up in one of the fluffy blankets you’d packed. The TV glowed as it aired a nightly news report that had failed to grasp your full attention. You would’ve crawled into bed had you not been waiting for him.

The sight of his tall frame made you push yourself up to stand, the blanket slipping off you, and back down to the couch. You didn’t realize that a small smile had stretched across your face.

“See?” He said, smiling back. “Not too bad, right? Could’ve been later.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. “How’d everything go?”

He ran a hand through his hair as he began to walk towards you. His boots thudded against the wooden planks of the floor. “Things are looking pretty good so far,” he began. There wasn’t anything discussed that raised reason for concern. We’ll see how things play out as we keep an eye out these next few days. That’ll determine everyone’s next move,” he explained, stopping a little ways in front of you. “How about you, pretty girl? What’d you get up to while I was gone?”

Nothing worth noting, you wanted to say. But you decided to tease him instead. “Oh, you know.” You shrugged. “A little bit of everything. Went out on the town, danced on a few tables, got whisked away by a stranger—electrifying stuff.”

A hint of a smirk appeared on Bucky’s face as he narrowed his eyes at you. “I don’t think you’d look this cozy after doing all that.” He began to take off his leather jacket, revealing a black T-shirt that accentuated the definition of his upper body. His vibranium arm almost seemed to blend into the dark fabric, making the gold streaks of accent stand out. Black was one of your favorite colors on him for that very reason.

But you weren’t done messing with him quite yet. “Maybe that’s what I want it to seem like.” You raised your brows in a challenge. Bucky stared at you for a few more beats before stalking off towards the master bedroom with a lighthearted roll of his eyes.

“Wait, no! Don’t leave.” You laughed, following after him.

Bucky didn’t react when you wrapped your arms around him in a jarring hug, forcing him to walk into the bedroom carting a portion of your weight as you attempted to slow his steps. The room was a modest space suited with a neutral color scheme. Lots of browns and creams with a couple pops of a pretty burnt orange. The full-sized bed was smaller than the two of you were used to, but the proximity that came along with sleeping in it hadn’t been too bad the previous night.

He tossed his jacket onto it.

“I was just kidding,” you said. “I was here the whole time. I went out back to watch the sunset, but I hardly did anything other than that. Just scrolled on my phone and read a little. And missed you.”

He finally laughed and pried your arms from around him. “I know, doll.” Then he smirked. “You’d probably fall if you actually tried dancing on a table.”

“Hey!” You lightly slapped his chest with the back of your hand. “I would not.” Bucky’s laughter dwindled when you pouted and took a seat on the edge of the bed.

“Oh, c’mon,” he said, moving to stand in front of you. “I was joking. You know I was.” You almost cracked a smile when he lifted your chin so you could meet his eyes.

“Ich liebe dich,” he stated. German for I love you.

“I have no idea what you just said.” That was a lie.

You let him pull you to your feet as his shoulders shook with amusement. “Yes you do,” he countered.

Then he took your face in his hands and pressed a kiss to your forehead, your nose, and peppered some across your cheeks in a way that pleasantly ghosted over your skin. In between them, he told you that he loved you in a few of the languages he spoke—the ones in which he knew you were familiar with the phrase. He even called you “pretty girl” in Russian before pecking your lips. The whole while, warmth spread through your face.

He smiled at the sight of the sparkle in your eyes. “Do I need to repeat anything, or did you understand?”

That drew a chuckle out of you, against your attempt and feigning indifference. “Stop making me laugh,” you whined in defeat. “I’m supposed to be angry with you.”

“And how’s that working out?”

“It’s not,” you muttered. “I love you too.”

And your lips met his once more.

-

Thanks for reading!

Click here for more fluffy Bucky stuff.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

🔥

You didn’t specify a topic so i’m actually gonna take HSMTMTS for this one.

I could not care less about Rina or Portwell. I like all three characters individually and I don’t care who they end up with. I feel like a large majority focuses all too much on these three when there’s so much else going on??

Maddox and Jet??! Hello??! The sibling drama they have here… also with Maddox and Madison? I wanna know more!

Kourtney is playing ELSA and she does not get that amount of screentime or talk from the fandom about it. She has also has some anxiety that I feel like not enough people are talking about (myself included, sadly - but I have thought about it)

And Ashlyn. My sweet Ashlyn. For the majority of the season this far, it seems like the fandom has called her annoying, out of character, ”not a help for the others”. And the girl is going through an identity crisis. Yes, at first it was handled a little so-so, but after ep6 I really feel like they’re going in a good direction with it. I am sorry, but I can’t believe people are focusing on Portwell and Rina and they’re NOT discussing the hug.

It’s not often Disney gives us WLW representation. And when they do it’s so much more vague than with their MLM representation. I mean just take Carlos and Seb, who both were obvious gays from the start. While Ashlyn, they had more of a vague approach.

To make other examples, I will take the D+ shows from LA. For example, Siempre Fui Yo (”It was always me” on D+) has two boys who eventually fall in love and gets to have a pretty passionate kiss scene. Another D+LA show called Tudo Igual SQN (”All the same… or not” on D+) has two girls who the first is an out lesbian and the other is (coincidentally) a red haired girl who thinks she has the perfect life and it all figured out, and then she meets this other girl and suddenly she starts to question a LOT about herself. These two girls don’t get a kiss scene (other than a brief one where one is gonna kiss the other on the cheek to say goodbye, and accidentally kissed her lips, they stare at each other for a moment before she walks away) - most of what they get is stares and a little discussion in the last ep about the red haired girl having to figure stuff out. I know it’s all setup for season 2, but it’s different to Siempre Fui Yo, where they let them have a full kiss scene already in S1. It just shows the difference of their approach of MLM characters and WLW characters.

Also, like… the treatment of WLW characters in general? People have talked about how they want Ricky to be confirmed bi and ship with with Jet - and that is very valid, of course! But then when it comes to Maddox and now Ashlyn, who now canonly are WLW, people often find them annoying and/or never ever mention them at all (it’s a little like how people treat Robin in stranger things). I’ve discussed Maddox before in a previous post and yes, she overstepped, but I really do understand why she acts like she does.

I’ve often been pretty tempted of asking Portwell/Rina shippers what they think of the other plots in the show, especially what they think of Ashlyn’s storyline. However, I never have, because I do feel like a hypocrite - I mean, sure, they never mention her or her storyline, but I never mention Portwell or Rina, so it’s like… yeah.

Anyway we’re getting some representation here (I personally can relate on a PERSONAL level getting hugged by a girl at a camp and my world turning upside down, I am serious) and I don’t know how they are going to handle it, maybe they’ll surprise me or they will disappoint me. But nonetheless, we are getting it and I personally find that more interesting than whoever Gina is gonna end up with.

[romanticerawitch4]

Connor doing the whole "stop killing dad" thing is so funny cos he genuinely has no clue! He has his own trauma of his mom and not seeing dad for three years, and Kendall at this point is still not talking about being Daddy's Number One Bitchboy, so Connor and the whole of season three people will just see him go on about "it's you now" and water and being cleansed, and think he's just a spoiled brat.

Connor is so interesting for his place in the Roy family. Like he doesn’t know about anything with Kendall but he also literally doesn’t get the golden trio and I feel like it is in part because he has had a separation both self induced and involuntarily from the family. Like the three years away, being neglected by his dad, living in the middle of the desert, while these all present different issues in him they also protect him from a lot of the abuse Logan inflicts on the others because of sheer proximity. And I don’t think Kendall, Shiv, or Roman have ever had the opportunity to really be away from Logan, even if they were physically separated, for an extended period of time (except for Kendall in season 3).

It also makes me wonder about Connor’s place in the fourth season. I read his response to Kendall after his attempt about how he has to stop trying to kill dad in two ways and I think it’s meant in two ways 1) Kendall would be happier if he wasn’t hellbent on destroying Logan and 2) Things would be better if everyone could just let Logan do what Logan wants to. It’s very just let the kid get the toy at Target so they don’t start screaming. Connor believes if they could all just stop fighting and give in to their father things would be fine. And I don’t think he means this maliciously or to not be on his siblings’ side, it’s just his defense mechanism so he’s not a target for Logan. And for season 4 I think it would be very difficult if not impossible for him to go against his father in a meaningful way even if it’s in defense of his siblings. It would be very don’t make me pick sides like he always is. It’s really interesting too that we’ve seen Connor embody the dad role to the three siblings in a variety of ways but never in a protective way except in moments like when Roman pushes Kendall. And that’s the position he’s taken in the trio’s life, he would visit and they maybe do fun things that are meaningful and then he would dump them back with Logan at the end of the day. And so I don’t think they see him as a formidable person to be on their side going against Logan. And they’re right because in season 3 even when we saw him challenge and threaten Logan it was never in a monumental way like the others kids’ challenges have been positioned, though I’m sure Connor has information that could really sour Logan’s reputation (what happened to Connors mom?!)

He’s just him, and he can’t really do more than that, he’s Connor out in the desert with a wife he paid to be with him and he’s content with that, he doesn’t need the same validation from Logan that the others do because he wasn’t raised with that as the only option, he was discounted from the role as CEO pretty much from the start so he’s found other things for himself, often delusional things, but things that make him happy nonetheless. And he’ll never fully understand his siblings because the purposes for which they were raised were so different, the trio were raised as tools for Logan with one goal in mind, whereas Connor seems to have had little oversight from Logan in who or what he should be, which might explain why he is always so lost and bouncing from one thing to another.

But I agree I think he does think of Kendall as spoiled and anyone would be right to view him that way based on his behavior and especially because almost everything the audience knows about Kendall and Logan’s relationship is hidden from the other characters. They can’t know the lengths of emotional torture Logan has put him through or any of the events he’s been through that are impacting his decisions. They can only see him throwing giant parties and firing his lawyers and spiraling without daddy. It also makes me sad because I feel like Kendall’s manic episodes have always been written off as he’s a spoiled rich boy/ he’s on drugs and so he’s never been offered the help he needs (not that the Roys would anyways). It’s sad and I hope that in the fourth season we do see more of the siblings being connected to Connor especially after that first born son rant, but I still can’t see Kendall opening up to him about the accident or any of the emotions that go along with it because of all those divisions in place between Connor and the trio.

[whats-wild-to-you]

Now Or Never

[Part 2]

“Guys, I’m in love!”

“What? How? When?” They all cried out in perfect harmony.

“The company Christmas party. In the past I always noticed when he entered the room, and sometimes our eyes would meet but I never thought we had anything in common. Then at the Christmas party yesterday we started talking and immediately clicked.”

“Yesterday? And you’re already talking about love? Slow down.” Gray objected looking around for support.

“He’s perfect!” I squealed.

Seo-jun was 5 years older than me. His parents were well-off, but he decided to go his own way nonetheless, studied overseas and stood on his own two feet.

“I’m thinking about throwing an early Christmas dinner at my place with all of you and him. That way you can get to know him.”

“Sounds good!” Loco exclaimed, blissfully.

“Can you spread the word? Tell everyone to text me if they plan on coming so I know how much food to make.”

“Sure. No problem.”

In the end, everyone wanted to come, and I doubted it was because of my culinary skills. I was a solid cook but not Michelin Star worthy.

Still, I put together a feast and decorated the table pompously. After getting dressed, Seo-jun arrived first. I had told him to come a little earlier to help me with the wine.

One by one the guests arrived, Jay appeared last and brought some wine as a gift.

“Can’t never have too much!”

Dinner went off uneventfully, everyone praised my food and cleared their plates. I decided to divide the rest in Tupperware and give it to the boys.

When I joined the rest, I had noticed that the mood had changed. Silence fell upon the table, and everyone was staring down.

“Who wants dessert?” I asked, trying to lift the mood.

What the hell happened while I was gone?

“Before dessert, could I talk to you for a moment?” Seo-jun said, lightly tucking at my arm.

We went to the bedroom and closed the door behind us. Seo-jun was paving the room, clearly trying to sort out his thoughts.

“I didn’t want to do this tonight but, honestly, there’s no good time to do this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I think we should break up.” He sounded extremely calm and for some reason that put me at ease. I was sure he had a valid reason, but maybe I could talk him out of it.

“Why do you think that?”

He came up to me, grabbing me by the shoulders. “You remember telling me about the guys you dated in the past, how suddenly they all bolted. I thought, there’s no way you’re that awful, something else must’ve been the reason. Well, today, I met the reason!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Jay, I believe is his name. The guy who looks at me like I stole his pet!”

“That’s outrageous! Jay’s a friend!”

“He stares at me, looking all gloomy, and hasn’t said a word all evening!”

“He’s very busy these days. He’s probably just exhausted.”

“You’re defending him!”

“I’m- wait here!”

I found Kiseok in the kitchen, eating ice cream out the tub. “Come with me!”

I dragged him inside the storage room, making sure no one else saw us going in.

“You said something about your friend a while ago. You know, the one we went bowling with, the one that ghosted me that same night!”

“I don’t remember.”

“Yes, you do! Why did you ask? Talk. And talk fast! I don’t want the others to notice you’re missing.”

He gave in, sighing in frustration. “He said to me he really enjoyed your company and loved the fact you two shared common interests, but...”

“But what?”

“He felt that he wasn’t the perfect guy for you, because...”

“Because WHAT?”

“When he saw you and Jay interacting, he realized he didn’t stand a chance. There, I said it!”

Silence followed, and Kiseok looked at me beseechingly.

“Personally, I-”

“Save it!” I cut him off while storming out of the storage room, practically running back to the bedroom, hoping Seo-jun was still there.

“Jay is my friend! They’re all my friends. Nothing more.”

“You don’t find it at all weird that every guy you dated disappeared after meeting him?”

“Not all have met him!”

“I know, you told me! You said those who met Jay left sooner.”

“I don’t see your point!”

“My point is, whether you like it or not, Jay is the reason you’re single!”

“What? I’m supposed to be with him? That’s why I can’t make it work with anyone else?”

“Those are your words, not mine!”

“It’s crazy, okay? Impossible! Not happening. Please, let’s just go back and enjoy the rest of the evening!”

“Are you sure?”

“It’s as if I would be dating my brother! I’m absolutely sure!”

In the end I persuaded Seo-jun to come with me, only to find out that everyone had already left. Everyone, except Kiseok.

“Were we loud? Did anyone hear us?” I asked cautiously, but Kiseok just shook his head.

“They’re not stupid, you know!”

“Great! Awesome.”

“I guess I should head home.” Seo-jun announced, but I was too stunned to stop him. I didn’t know then that it would be the last I saw him.

“This isn’t fair!”

“I think you need to talk to Jay!”

“Me? Oh, no! He better be the one asking to talk to me and apologizing for scaring everyone off!”

[Part 3]

[roobylavender]

okay final thoughts having watched winx all of the way through

the strongest characters individually are imo stella, musa, and sky. (1) love how stella craves love and validation and collapses in on herself bc all she’s received all her life is anything but, yet the people who drive her to rise above it are the ones who recognize she has humanity underneath her exterior left to spare—sky constantly believing she’s capable of good no matter how far she falls, musa knowing from the first that stella harbors wells of guilt. her slowly and steadily rising to the challenge of looking her mother in the eye with no fear in her bones to shake her. GOOD (2) musa as a mind fairy constantly having to sift through and filter out the thoughts and emotions of everyone around her despite having the propensity to care deeply is a really refreshing twist on the character! her season two plot with willingly giving up her powers to feel some semblance of peace not just with respect to the overwhelming thoughts but also the guilt she has over influencing her boyfriend’s feelings bc she couldn’t take constantly sensing his anger. perfection. (3) sky and his DADDY ISSUES. honestly i’m so impressed with how they managed to add depth to someone who was originally so bland like the fact that they took his general goodness and evolved it into a constant need to take care of and worry about others so he doesn’t have to worry about himself is simple but it holds loads of potential (esp with respect to his relationship with bloom but more on that later), even moreso now that he’s wracked with guilt over killing the father who abandoned him as a child to raise someone else, all to save the foster father who raised him bc he killed his bio father in the first place. i love MESS

aisha and flora and terra hold a lot of potential but i’m not quite sure they’re as well developed yet in terms of personal journeys. aisha seems to constantly be playing a support role to everyone else even though in the cartoon she was important enough to warrant an entire season long arc (which i hope they will adapt in some capacity!), flora is only now getting started (though i love where it’s going given the end of season two like yes go proactive horror queen), and terra’s coming out plot was lovely but we still don’t really have a sense of what she wants to do with herself personally aside from being desperate to fit in. i am also really upset that the fatphobia she experienced in the first season was more or less grazed over and hardly apologized for properly by any of the involved parties. maybe they decided to ditch using that as a plot point and if they did i’m glad but i wish if they included it in the first place that it was properly concluded

speaking of the fatphobia. riven. riven to me is one of those characters whom the writers meant to write as your standard redeemable bully slash fuckboy type except as always they went for overkill at the outset and then had to massively backpedal thereafter to allow the character to fulfill their overarching story needs. season one riven and season two riven are two whole different animals. season two riven feels way more reminiscent of the original character with his standoffishness and snark but nonetheless underlying good intentions. it’s absolutely shitty that the thing between him and terra has yet to be given proper closure bc season two riven is definitely capable of owning up to his prior comments. if he can fix his attitude with musa he can fix it with terra

i realize i haven’t talked about bloom yet. bloom is frustrating to me in the sense that she’s more a conglomerate of actions than she is necessarily a character. she’s constantly defined by her reactions to events rather than any standard habits or behaviors of her own beyond constantly steaming with tension. and that’s understandable to an extent given a huge part of her character arc is about desperately searching for her origins but it also gets tiring when there’s nothing else to her beyond that. she’s a character far more sustained by her relationships than she is by herself and atp i’m desperate for them to get over her origins closure by end of next season so we can actually move on to her being a real character

as for the romances. i feel a little bad for samusa now having rewatched the full first season bc the idea of their dynamic was not actually a bad one although it was incredibly rushed and so i don’t think there was much of an opportunity to actually grow attached to it. which is why what they’re doing with rivusa is fabulous bc the original cartoon setup for their relationship was terrible.. literally no substance just throwing two people at each other until they liked each other and then throwing drama in every now and then for funsies lmao. i’m glad that building a friendship first is priority here and that there’s that connection the two of them have between them with not wanting to be where they are but nonetheless having to take the hand they’re dealt in some capacity. and then them subsequently finding an unusual solace in each other’s company despite the initial antagonism. it’s very refreshing! as for skloom. are they still the basic bad bitch and useless boyfriend. yes. but i think they’re afforded a little more depth here primarily bc of the way this version of sky factors into it. the way his constant tendency to take care of and fix other people is juxtaposed against bloom’s almost reckless tendency to dive into problems headfirst makes their relationship very sweet to watch unfold bc bloom can clearly take care of herself but sky still wants to help as much as he can. and that’s all standard fare but it’ll be esp interesting now that they’re separated by the portal and sky will have to deal with not being able to help her and instead needing to focus on helping himself

the lack of budget and screen time is a serious point against the show. there’s so much plot they have to try to cram into sex or seven episodes so things at times move very quickly and clumsily. sometimes several weeks pass in canon that feel like only the difference between one episode and the next. it’s a show way more suited to longer episodes per season than it’s being afforded

almost every main cast member can act decently except for skloom’s. which makes their relationship in the show that much funnier bc you can tell they’re clearly going off of how in love with each other they are irl and if they weren’t their attraction to each other and compelling nature as characters would be incredibly weak. i mean tbf in sky’s case it already is all that man does is make pathetic puppy eyes at the screen and make me coo like the proud mother of an ugly pup. he’s lucky his character has that much substance bc he’s not the one capable of serving it

the lore is actually very interesting if a bit amorphous and disjunct. i think it’ll get better with time as the context around aster dell expands and i look forward to it provided they get renewed. i wanna see the witches and how they justify their existence compared to the original cartoon

[pip-or-something]

last twilight in phuket analysis

on growing up

1. hokkian mee

teh making hokkian mee seems very symbolic of growth here.  throughout part 1 he’s always saying his mom will make it for them, but this time, his mom isn’t around, so he makes it himself

2. the loss of the private beach

@liyazaki​ pointed out that they have to make room for themselves in the public beach and that’s brilliant and i love that take and i think it’s important and correct!  carving out your spot in an unfamiliar place is definitely a part of the learning to be an adult vibes

my focus in this scene was a bit different initially but still in support of that same positive change.  i noticed that it is oh-aew who’s most bothered by their private beach being closed and not teh.  remember when teh couldn’t even admit to himself that he wanted to be close to oh-aew?  and now he’s holding his boyfriend’s hand in public!  now they’re hugging on a public beach, and he’s emotionally aware enough to comfort oh-aew!  *hugs teh*

3. the closing of funan tutorial school

funan tutorial school was this place kind of like their beach - the two of them knew it inside and out, so there were spaces that felt like just theirs. it’s a short scene, but that shot of them being locked out through the inside is really showing that they’re now on the outside of phuket - or at least they feel that way.  i also think that scene is one of the many hints that teh, even though he’s mostly comforting oh-aew in this, is also unsettled and upset by the upcoming change.  

the view zooms out after that, though, showing that they’re part of a much bigger word - rather than being locked out, it gives us the perspective of looking inside from a place of greater freedom

if we want to get really abstract, it could be symbolic of the kind of inward self reflection that occurs when we see that the world is much larger than we thought

parallels

1. this scene

has a backdrop with the same very distinctive teal color that we saw at oh-aew’s house in itsay

the scenes ultimately are like the same thing but they play out differently.  the same because it’s always been oh-aew making teh come to him but now they’re actually talking like teh’s asking why and oh-aew is telling him to come closer and when teh doesn't want to do something he just explains why instead of forcing himself and it ends up being cute instead of angsty i’m so proud of them!!!

on top of that in the itsay scene they were deliberately hidden behind that staircase and now here they are out in public and teh’s shy but it’s okay because they understand each other now!  and by this i mean teh understands himself enough to communicate that and not overstep his own boundaries and oh-aew understands because!  again!  talking!

2. the dancing around each other at the beach scene in part one

vs. the dancing to each other here

the connection here is pretty blatant in my opinion but the change is sort of subtle.  in itsay, they ended up falling on top of each other, but then oh-aew essentially said he was hoping to run into teh, and this happened:

here, we have a role reversal where oh-aew is chasing teh, and when he gets there, they stick together

i just can’t get enough of teh being open to vulnerability here!  and in public nonetheless!

i’m refusing to delve into too much color theory here but i mean-- in itsay we had the blue scene and the red scene and here there both blue and red scenes alksdjflaksjflkjaslkdjf

maybe the most important thing i have to say

at the beach, teh says “there may be lots of changes,” empathizing with and validating oh-aew’s sadness and fears, which is lovely because, wow!  teh experiencing and expressing emotion fully?  again, ✨ character growth ✨ 

and then there’s this thing: we know that teh is a problem solver.  i know that he is because my brain works that way, too, and sure enough, i think he found a solution

when he says “i love you” he doesn’t just leave it at that.  he says “i’ve never told you, not once” and he very effectively reminds oh-aew that not all change is bad 

ahhhhhhhh everything in this series is so deliberate 

barely coherent thoughts

i can’t believe how nostalgic this made me??? about a place i have never been???  the music and the locations and just!!!  it hasn’t even been a year since itsay and i’ve rewatched it too many times to count but it feels like ages and it feels like coming home

twilight literally means half-light so as usual the nadao team is super on point with their titles - i mean it’s the perfect middle between the sun and the moon, the perfect compromise

the shirts and their colors are so unsubtle i love it

lkalkjsdfalkjasdf the blanket in the first scene i’m Suffering - i caught myself looking for yongjian on the wall lmao

did they not show them playing in the water because pp is scared of it because if so: that’s really considerate and cute and appreciated

i looked it up and lavender roses symbolize enchantment and love at first sight which is very cute and also feels like it demands growth, which would be fitting in terms of everything else i said.  they also happen look very similar to genetically engineered blue roses which are actually super interesting to read about and symbolize the unattainable.  so that’s very much in line with our title :’) in this case, rather than the romance specifically, it would be more likely to symbolize the inability to truly revisit the past, if that’s even what they’re going for

teh said i love you while oh-aew was filming them helpppppp i bet did that on purpose so that oh-aew will have it with him at all times when they’re apart [queue intense sobbing]

i think teh also needed to hear oh-aew say “i love you” here too and i have a lot of thoughts on how teh was dealing with all of this but i can’t figure out how to put it into words???  i wanted to peg him as someone who doesn’t do well with change but i think it’s more like he dislikes being in control and i confused the two because there tends to be overlap and here i think there’s multiple things happening.  he’s mostly in control of the change, he’s always wanted to go to the city for university.  but i don’t think he expected the emotion that is coming with it (and i really fully believe he’s experiencing the emotions for himself, too, not just empathetically with oh-aew).  he seems to be handling the emotion pretty well?  he’s not telling oh-aew anything outright but i don’t think he needs to, he’s expressing himself a lot more here than he ever did in itsay and oh-aew still read him like a book then

anyway i feel like we’re going to get a focus on oh-aew in this second part (it’s what i’m hoping for!) but i want to remember to keep an eye on teh and his progress as well because it might be more subtle but i am sure it will still be there

[i-like-writing-stuff]

four months; part 2 [five hargreeves x reader]

a/n: thank you all so so much for your support and feedback! i literally could not believe that the first part has over 200 notes and yall want a continuation like omagash??? im soft, thank you guys <3

here is the long awaited part two, but before we dive into that, i felt the need to ask yall if you want five to be aged up?? in most x reader i’ve read on this site, five is aged up, but I felt like, in my case, i didn’t really needed to mention that because i am only like two months older than the actor, and its not like im gonna write smut with him- gross. point is, idk. should i age him up tho??? idk what to do, so here are both aidan and timothee to soothe ur heart for this second part!! <3

(the gifs do not belong to me, lemme know if u know who made them so i can give credits- they’re real cute mah gawsh!!!)

alsoo if you want more five imagines or literally any other hargreeves sibling or fictional character ousside tua, feel free to leave a request in my inbox! kisses <3

summary: after a long family meeting and more booze, you decide to make a bold move and profess your buried feelings.

part 1

“Men are stupid shitheads.” You concluded, setting your flask on the counter, looking at the new bangs Allison had just cut for you.

Even in her drunken state, they seemed to be very nicely done. You were quite surprised by the way they turned out, but pleased nonetheless. It was a spontaneous decision, getting bangs. You had been sitting in the hair salon she was working at with her, Klaus and Vanya after a not so great family meeting.

Hugs were shared, true, but then arguments started and before you even knew it, Luther stormed out, Diego followed him, Five went missing for whatever business he had, and Klaus claimed that Ben was not even there- apparently, ghosts can’t time travel.

So, it was just the four of you, drunk in a hair salon, with too much alcohol and way too many scissors around you, complaining about how shitty your love lives could be.

“Amen.” Klaus raised his drink in the air, “I’ll drink to that.”

“Right?” Allison nodded, combing her second client, Klaus, “The nerve of Ray! I mean, one thing goes wrong and he’s on a warpath!” She vented, holding the bottle of liquor in her free hand, “I mean, doesn’t know who I am?! No, no! No, Ray- you know exactly who I am, you just can’t handle it!”

You watched with a raised brow as Vanya was out of zone, pretending to be shooting the long line of empty bottles gathered in front of her, as Allison kept on continuing her rant. Her husband had just seen her use her powers on the night they started the protest, and was now having a real hard time comprehending what was going on. You didn’t see him at home either, so you figured he may have been upset with you as well for maybe hiding the secret. Or maybe he thought you were like her, who knows?

“Hey, wouldn’t it be weird if Five grew up all hot?” Klaus suddenly asked, taking a drag out of his cigarette, as he got up from his seat to walk around the hair salon, “Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Why would you even think of your brother like that?” You asked riddled, narrowing your eyes at the man as his sisters almost gagged at the thought.

“Oh, please, you’ve been thinking that, haven’t you?” Klaus asked, pointing at you as you took another swig from your nearly empty flask.

“I... I mean- he’s... Five... uh... no comment!” You suddenly declared, at loss of words, as you got up from your seat, trying to maintain your balance as you made your way towards the bottle of liquor to fill your flask again.

“When are you two gonna confess your feelings?” Allison asked with a groan, letting her head fall backwards as she sat on the chair, “It’s getting really tiring!”

“We have an apocalypse going on!” You argued, “There’s no time for feelings!”

“This is the perfect time for feelings!” Klaus chimed in, taking another drag out of his cigarette, “These might be your last six days on Earth! Do you want to die regretting that you never told Five how you felt about him?”

“I’m not having this conversation anymore.” You declared, out of arguments, as you poured liquor in your flask, “Why don’t we talk about Allison’s crush on Luther instead?”

“We have never even kissed!” Allison defended herself, causing Vanya to spin on her chair confused, looking between the three of you.

“Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moon-dog eyes at each other all through puberty and breakfasts and... all that.” Klaus waved her off, sipping from his own flask.

“Aren’t we all brothers and sisters, or...?” Vanya wondered confused, as you and Klaus snorted amused at her innocence.

“Well... technically...” Allison tried to find an excuse or explanation, but she was having a hard time putting her thoughts in place.

“Technically?” Klaus raised a brow, “If you....” He stammered, trying to regain his train of thought, “If you have to use the word technically, you’re already in trouble.”

“Okay, can we go back to Five and Y/N?” Allison tried to change the subject, “Or maybe at least help me save my marriage?”

“That’s like...” Klaus stumbled on his own feet, filling his flask again, as you leaned against Vanya’s chair curiously, “That’s like asking a nun how to hump someone’s leg! I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one?” He asked, pointing at Vanya, “In secret love with some farm Frau!”

“Her name’s Sissy.” Vanya informed him.

“Which is an improvement on her previous love interest.” He said, looking at you and Allison, as you shook your heads to slightly tell him to shut up, “...the serial killer.”

“What?!” Vanya yelled, looking between you and Allison for an explanation, but you just softly waved her off, promising to remind her later.

“And look at this one!” Klaus ignored the three of you, pointing at... well, you, “A fifty year old assassin, who got the chance to be a teen again, but she is too afraid to admit her feelings for the... wait, is Five a boy or a man?”

“Both?” You raised a brow, unsure of the answer.

“Meanwhile, I’m carrying a torch for a soldier I haven’t technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister.” Klaus waved you off, trying to keep his balance again on his feet.

“Okay, again- we are not biological!” Allison tried to defend herself once more, but Klaus simply ignored her.

“Face it, the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin.” He said, making all of you nod in agreement, as you couldn’t help but confess, taking another chug out of your flask;

“I can’t believe I got to the point where I was jealous of Dolores.”

Okay, maybe ‘banging’ and ‘jealous’ were strong words, but you had to admit you were not that pleased when one of the first things that Five did when he got back to 2019, was go to some store to get back his plastic girlfriend who kept him company in the four decades he spent all by himself in the apocalypse.

You understood his mind, though. You would have gone insane as well if you had to be all alone after the end of the world, without another soul on the planet. Nonetheless, you still were maybe a tad too happy when he decided to return her to the store.

Leaving you the only woman he had eyes for, unbeknownst to you.

“I’m gonna tell Sissy that I love her.” Vanya suddenly declared, straightening her position confidently.

“You go, girl!” You cheered, clapping for your friend.

“I don’t want any secrets.” She said, making you and the other two nod in agreement, contemplating about your own lives.

“Yeah!” Allison said, getting up with the bottle of alcohol tightly clutched in her hand, “Yeah, yeah- you’re right! Yes, ‘cause, you know- if this all goes tits-up, the least I can do is be honest with my husband!

“Oh, does that mean I have to face my cult?” Klaus sighed, “I just hate group break-ups, it’s why I stopped dating twins!”

You pondered about it for a moment, in your state that was definitely not the most sober. You had a lot of alcohol coursing through your veins, but you felt like maybe it was better. You could think with your heart more than you could think with your brain, and your heart was telling you that your friends were right.

They all are getting themselves ready to take big risks in their lives, why shouldn’t you? They had a valid point; the world was gonna end in six days if you guys couldn’t find a way to solve this. Last time you didn’t have the brightest plan, so why should this time be a success? Reality hit you; there was a real big chance that you might die.

So why not just be honest with Five? What was the worst that could happen? You manage to save the world and Five rejects you? Big deal!

Well, it actually was a big deal.

“What if he rejects me?” You asked all of a sudden, causing the three siblings to turn to you, “What if I tell Five how I feel about him and he rejects me? I know maybe at my age I shouldn’t be this anxious about a man, but... it’s not like I’m going anywhere, I’m glued to the Hargreeves clan.”

And it was true. After the events of the 2019 apocalypse, right before you and the others got separated, you shared an adorable moment in which you confessed to each other how happy you were to have met and be taken into their family as one of their own.

“Normally, I’d say to not ponder on that for too... long.” Klaus slurred, “But given that it’s Five, you don’t even have to worry about that.”

“He’s right.” Allison shrugged, “That won’t be a problem.

“I have no memory of any of you, but from the hug I’ve seen you two share earlier- you’re not just friends.” Vanya spoke up, making you stare into nothingness for a moment.

I mean, it’s Five we are talking about. If he were to have any feelings, it’s not like he’d be honest with them or act, right? It would be up to you to make the first move.

You let out a long sigh, rubbing your hands on your upper arms, reminding yourself of the hug. It may have been the first time you and Five actually hugged, in all the years you’ve known each other. The way he held you close and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, taking in your scent, feeling you in his arms, even if for him it had been only four days. You had to live with the thought that he may be dead for months.

And you hated that, you knew you wanted him alongside you. You wanted that little rude, at times obnoxious dipshit, with a soft heart- as much as he hated to admit it. You loved how much he cared about his family, about saving the world. Five is a great person; he is caring and has a big heart, as much as he tried to hide it behind his trashmouth.

“Fine!” You groaned, letting your head fall backwards, “I’ll tell Five I fucking love him and his dipshit face!”

“Yes!” Klaus clapped, as Allison and Vanya cheered proudly, “Come here!”

You and Vanya walked towards him, as Allison wrapped an arm around his waist, waiting for the two of you to skip towards them, pulling you into a group hug, as “Twistin’ the night away” by Sam Cooke blasted on the radio, causing the four of you to start a small dance party, letting for the first time in a long while your problems just go away.

For the sake of the song.

After a couple more hours of drinking, gossiping and dancing, the four of you decided to finally part ways and attend your promised business. Klaus went to deal with his cult, as Allison decided to be completely honest with her husband at home and Vanya was going to confess to Sissy.

As for you?

You were going to tell Five Hargreeves you were in love with him.

“Hey, dipshit!” You confidently yelled, running up the stairs of the store, trying to find Five.

“Y/N?” Five frowned, walking out of the kitchen with a coffee mug in his hands and a confused look on his face, “Are you... even more drunk? And did you get bangs- what the...?”

“Shut up.” You waved him off, walking towards him to grab the mug out of his hand to sober yourself up, “Why in the hell are you even drinking coffee at this hour?”

“I’m... trying to calm myself...” He frowned, watching as you chugged his freshly poured coffee.

“Normally I’d ask.” You said, setting the mug on the counter, shaking your head, “But right now what I have to say is more important.”

“Is that so?” Five raised a brow curiously, as you slowly slapped your cheeks, trying to get the room to stop moving, “Why don’t you go to bed?” He asked, gently pushing you towards the couch, “And we talk in the morning? I don’t really have time for this.”

“No!” You yelled, stopping in your tracks to poke his chest, “We don’t have to talk! I talk and you- you listen!” You said, poking his chest again, “You never have time for anything, all you can think of is your stupid apocalypse!”

“Oh yes, isn’t that a trivial thing to be thinking of?” He asked with a sarcastic smile, crossing his arms.

“I don’t need your sarcasm!” You yelled, poking his chest a third time, feeling him get more tense.

“I swear to God, Y/N, if you do that one more time-...” Five took in a deep breath, as he could feel as he was slowly losing his patience.

“Shut up!” You groaned, watching as his brows knitted in confusion, “I’m trying to confess my feelings for you, you moron!”

“W...What?” He asked, as his face suddenly softened, unfolding his arms.

“I’m in love with you!” You sighed, rubbing your face, “Okay? I-I am in love with you and I am trying to sober myself up, but I think I may have had too much to drink.”

“You think?” Five scoffed, slowly leading you towards the couch, “Are you sure you’re not saying this just because you have a ton of alcohol coursing through you?”

“Well... kinda, ‘cause if I were sober there was no way in hell I would have confessed.” You puffed, complying, as you let yourself guided by him, “Allison, Klaus and Vanya all convinced me that I should tell you, that we only have six days left on Earth and in case we don’t save it... I shouldn’t be going down with regrets.”

Five listened to your every word carefully, as you continuing venting about how his siblings spent the whole day trying to convince you to tell him about your feelings, as he slowly held your hands, as you took a seat on the couch. He nodded at your words to let you know that he was listening, as he took two pillows off the armchairs beside, placing them at one end, softly pushing you down.

“...and then Klaus said that he hates group breakups.” You said, not even noticing what was going on, feeling your lids get heavier once your head met the pillow.

“Not a surprise there...” Five muttered, grabbing the blanket that was rested on top of the couch, placing it over you.

“Are you trying to dismiss me?” You wondered, but still making yourself more comfortable, as you sat on your side, with your head facing Five, who knelt in front of you tired.

He bit back a smile, watching as you slowly closed your eyes. He knew you were extremely drunk, he could see that in the way exhaust took over you. Not only you had a lot of alcohol in your system, but you’ve also had some long couple of days, and some longer ones were ahead of you until you knew for a fact the world was safe once more.

“I don’t know how it is, that you’re the one person who actually makes me feel... soft.” He confessed, watching your lips curve into a smile at his words, “You... drunken idiot.”

“I regret nothing.” You said proudly, as Five couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, softly stroking your hair to help you fall asleep sooner.

“We’ll see about that in the morning.” He smirked amused, watching as you pouted.

“You never gave me an answer, you know.” You pointed out, letting his soft touch calm you down, as you felt sleep slowly take over you.

“You never gave me a question.” He retorted, knowing for sure that if your eyes were opened, you would roll them at him.

“I think you like to hear me say that I am in love with you, it’s the third time I have to say it.” You said, slowly placing your hands under your pillow, making yourself more comfortable.

“I am happy to see that you still know how to count.” Five said, placing some wild strands of hair behind your ear.

“Screw you.” You said, making him grin, as he went back to stroking your hair.

“In this whole... shitty situation I managed to get myself into, you, Y/N, might as well be the only thing keeping me sane... surprisingly.” Five frowned at the last bit, watching as you opened your eyes, shifting your head to watch him, “I love you too, moron.”

“I never said I love you.” You smirked, teasing him as he rolled his eyes.

“You little chipmunk...” Five sighed, shaking his head in disbelief amused, as you leaned into his touch more, closing your eyes, pleased with yourself.

“Yeah, but you still love me.” You said, not once dropping that smirk on your lips.

“You’re impossible, did you know that?” He wondered, resting his forearm on the couch beside you, as he knelt on the floor, trying to make himself more comfortable, noticing the way you were enjoying the scalp massage... for free.

“A little bit.” You slowly shrugged, wrapping your arms around his, once you felt it beside you.

Five watched with a soft smile as you pulled his arms closer to your face, nuzzling into it with a satisfied smile, happy that you listened to your friends.

And deep down, so was Five thanking his siblings.

[queerspacepunk]

For DADWC: “I wish we’d never met. I only bring you pain" for Anders/Fenris?

sorry this has taken forever, my weekends have been chaos and now i'm sick and i think i forgot to respond to the @dadrunkwriting headcount for this week but OH WELL. I think i slightly tweaked the wording but i'm sure we'll cope.

Hawke had prepared him for this. Anders had too, in a way. Far more self-critical, admission lined in deflections, but it’s Hawke’s words Fenris turns to, nights like these, where Anders is in pieces and not all the way in the present.

“I wish we’d never met!” Anders snaps, pushing Fenris away as he scrambles across the bed, putting the furniture between them, foot catching in the duvet as he goes, tripping him. “All I ever do is hurt you!” His voice cracks at the end of it, and his eyes are wild.

Hawke had warned Fenris about this, back in the stilted month between the last time Fenris had tumbled Anders into bed drunk and the first time he’d done it sober. Well, not warned perhaps. To warn would imply Hawke was advising him away. No, Hawke had prepared him for this.

Anders had too, in a way. Far more self-critical, admission lined in deflections, but it’s Hawke’s words Fenris turns to, nights like these, where Anders is in pieces and not all the way in the present.

He’s not reacting to you, not really. He’s like an injured kitten.

“You feel dangerous,” Fenris says carefully. Acknowledgement, not validation.

“I am dangerous,” Anders spits, “I hurt you, it’s all I ever do. Out of control, out of-”

Blue begins to break through his skin, as if to prove a point. Fenris wonders if Anders knows that the pattern of light is different depending on whether his protector is being summoned or coming through of his own accord.

If he’s out of line, tell him.

Fenris breathes out instead of lighting up himself, much as he wants to.

“No Justice in our room without asking,” Fenris says, by rote, without anger. “You’re overwhelmed, do you need a moment?”

“I need you to listen to me!” Anders says, howls, “to get away before I hurt you more. Before I can’t stop myself.”

He’s gets memory mixed up with prophecy. He’s scared of what he thinks he’ll do, of how he thinks you’ll react.

“I’m grateful that hurting me is not something you want to do,” Fenris says, “even if you fear you will.”

Fenris moves around the bed, noting the way that Anders has, even in this state, has left him with an open line to the door, even as he’s had to back himself into a corner to do it.

“I am stepping out for a moment,” he says, “not out of the house, just out of the room. I will be back soon.”

For all Fenris’ skill in running, he hates this part. Hates the brief hint of grief and resignation that Anders never quite manages to hide as he steps away, but he knows it needs to be done.

He’s irrational like this. You could talk at him till you’re both blue in the face and he wouldn’t believe it. You have to play it out, give yourself a chance to prove him wrong.

Fenris doesn’t speak as he walks to the kitchen, but he lets his feet fall heavier than he usually does, slams the freezer door a little harder than he needs to as he pulls the icepack out.

He’s out of the room a minute, maybe two, but Anders has sunk to the ground in the time he was gone. The glow of Justice all but gone, gaze unfocused and distant. He looks up in something like surprise when Fenris enters, brow creasing in a frown when Fenris sits down beside him, lays the ice pack over the back of his neck.

Anders sits with his knees tucked up, wrists resting on them, head hanging between, for a long while before he can speak. The slightest tremor running through his frame the only real indication that he’s still there.

“I- fuck, I’m sorry,” Anders croaks, not raising his head.

Fenris presses his side slightly closer. A reminder of presence, a continuity error for the tale Anders’ mind is trying to spin.

Time travel’s exhausting. Fenris had always wondered how Hawke had known that. Guide him home, ease him in.

A broken, painful sort of laugh shakes out of Anders, and when he sits up, icepack slipping off his shoulders, the tears he’s shedding are frustrated.

“In the morning?” Fenris asks, because he knows as well as Anders does that they will have to deal with this, eventually, but not tonight.

“Yeah,” Anders agrees, “in the morning.”

This seems like an easy one, considering. They’re getting practiced, but Fenris can tell how heavy it is sitting in Anders’ chest.

Be ready for the second wave, go with him through it.

Fenris stands, a little sooner than Anders wants, perhaps, but he’s pliant now, apologetic and emptied out and as much as Fenris doesn’t want to take advantage of that, he needs to get Anders off the floor and to the bed before the next part.

They make it most of the way. Shoes already discarded when they came home, all Fenris really has to do is help Anders out of his jeans, his own long fingers too clumsy, like they’d been under the ice too.

Anders is leaning against him, hands balanced on Fenris’ shoulders as he helps kick away the jeans now pooled on the ground when the second wave does hit. His gaze going from distant to painfully focused on Fenris’ shoulder, where his own hand is resting.

“I hit you,” Anders says, chokes out. Fenris has often wondered if Justice allows Anders to see things that others can’t, or if it’s just the way memories seem to sear themselves into Anders’ vision.

They interact with the past so differently, the two of them.

“No,” Fenris says, for once having to drag himself back into the present as much as he’s dragging Anders, “you shoved me. And only because you were concerned you might hurt me.”

Anders glances up. Not to Fenris’ eyes, not quite, too soon for that, but close, “shoving you isn’t better.”

“When was the last time you were able to push me somewhere I didn’t want to go?” Fenris asks, and takes advantage of Anders’ state once again to push him back toward the bed, angling it so the soft edge of the mattress is what catches him behind the knees and sends him toppling gently onto it.

He’s scared because he loves you. Wants you to be safe. Let him know that you are.

The look on Anders’ face when Fenris does this is so close to the way he looks when they’re playing at things in bed that the first time he’d tried this, Fenris had had to run to the bathroom to retch up his lunch. He’d called Hawke earlier than usual that night.

It still isn’t easy, but he’s learnt since that submission given willingly is less about resignation and more about relief, and he knows now that that is what he’s seeing in Anders’ face. That what Anders’ is responding to isn’t force, but the knowledge that he isn’t a threat to Fenris. Not now.

Change the scene, change the tune. Leave the past in the past, however recent.

Fenris reaches down and helps Anders pull his shirt off, the collar damp from the icepack, the rest of it warmed from his panicked sweat. Fenris tosses it away, pulls another out from under the pillow, helps Anders pull it over his head before stripping his own clothes off in favour of sleep clothes.

Loose pants and no shirt. Anders is rarely ready to be bared to the world so soon after a night like this, but Fenris knows his skin is a warm comfort, knows that even when he sleeps the slight glow of his tattoos will chase away the total darkness.

“I will fetch us tea,” he says, after pulling the blankets over Anders, and Anders nods in response, pulling the duvet up so only his red-rimmed eyes and tousled hair are visible.

Fenris can’t help but push the hair back gently before he leaves. He keeps his footfalls heavy, shuts the cupboards loud enough to be heard but not so loud as to sound angry, fills two cups that he knows probably won’t be finished, but will root them to the present nonetheless.

The cats have materialised in the time it took Fenris to make two cups of tea. Slunk into the room and positioned themselves so as to almost immobilise Anders. One behind his knees, another at his back, a third at his waist.

There is a brief glaring contest between Fenris and The Viscat before the tabby sighs far too heavily for a cat of even his vast size and vacates the spot in front of Anders’ chest where he had been pinning the blankets down, allowing Fenris to lift them up and slip into the bed. To let Anders curl close around him. Clinging with a sort of desperation that Fenris can never quite figure out what to do with.

They sip at their tea and watch cat videos on Fenris’ phone (his recommendations will be a mess after this) until Anders is dozing, halfway to sleep. Fenris lets the video run itself out, and then presses Hawke’s number.

Call me, after, to check in.

“Hey, how’s he doing?” Hawke never seems to need to guess what he’s calling about, not at this hour.

“To debrief with you about your ex-lovers... episode?”

“Nearly asleep,” Fenris says, brushing the hair back from Anders’ forehead again. Anders nuzzles further into his side and mumbles something, “he says ‘hello’,” Fenris relays, “I think.”

Just because we didn’t work together like that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about him, that he’s not my friend, you both are.

“How are you doing?” Hawke asks next, equally gentle.

“You think I’m not capable of handling this on my own.”

“We’ve had worse nights,” Fenris admits, “better ones, also.”

I think you’re more capable than I am.

“You did well,” Hawke says, “you always do. Do you need anything?”

“We... will talk about this in the morning,” Fenris says, ���the two of us. After that, perhaps?”

“I’ll bring lunch,” Hawke says, “but call, if you need me before then.”

I think that a person can hurt someone all on their own, but healing is a team effort.

“I will,” Fenris says, surprised to realise his eyelids are heavy, “goodnight Hawke, thank you.”

“Nah,” Hawke says, “thank you.”

[whitehotharlots]

The point is control

Whenever we think or talk about censorship, we usually conceptualize it as certain types of speech being somehow disallowed: maybe (rarely) it's made formally illegal by the government, maybe it's banned in certain venues, maybe the FCC will fine you if you broadcast it, maybe your boss will fire you if she learns of it, maybe your friends will stop talking to you if they see what you've written, etc. etc. 

This understanding engenders a lot of mostly worthless discussion precisely because it's so broad. Pedants--usually arguing in favor of banning a certain work or idea--will often argue that speech protections only apply to direct, government bans. These bans, when they exist, are fairly narrow and apply only to those rare speech acts in which other people are put in danger by speech (yelling the N-word in a crowded theater, for example). This pedantry isn't correct even within its own terms, however, because plenty of people get in trouble for making threats. The FBI has an entire entrapment program dedicated to getting mentally ill muslims and rednecks to post stuff like "Death 2 the Super bowl!!" on twitter, arresting them, and the doing a press conference about how they heroically saved the world from terrorism. 

Another, more recent pedant's trend is claiming that, actually, you do have freedom of speech; you just don't have freedom from the consequences of speech. This logic is eerily dictatorial and ignores the entire purpose of speech protections. Like, even in the history's most repressive regimes, people still technically had freedom of speech but not from consequences. Those leftist kids who the nazis beheaded for speaking out against the war were, by this logic, merely being held accountable. 

The two conceptualizations of censorship I described above are, 99% of the time, deployed by people who are arguing in favor of a certain act of censorship but trying to exempt themselves from the moral implications of doing so. Censorship is rad when they get to do it, but they realize such a solipsism seems kinda icky so they need to explain how, actually, they're not censoring anybody, what they're doing is an act of righteous silencing that's a totally different matter. Maybe they associate censorship with groups they don't like, such as nazis or religious zealots. Maybe they have a vague dedication toward Enlightenment principles and don't want to be regarded as incurious dullards. Most typically, they're just afraid of the axe slicing both ways, and they want to make sure that the precedent they're establishing for others will not be applied to themselves.

Anyone who engages with this honestly for more than a few minutes will realize that censorship is much more complicated, especially in regards to its informal and social dimensions. We can all agree that society simply would not function if everyone said whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. You might think your boss is a moron or your wife's dress doesn't look flattering, but you realize that such tidbits are probably best kept to yourself. 

Again, this is a two-way proposition that everyone is seeking to balance. Do you really want people to verbalize every time they dislike or disagree with you? I sure as hell don't. And so, as part of a social compact, we learn to self-censor. Sometimes this is to the detriment of ourselves and our communities. Most often, however, it's just a price we have to pay in order to keep things from collapsing. 

But as systems, large and small, grow increasingly more insane and untenable, so do the comportment standards of speech. The disconnect between America's reality and the image Americans have of themselves has never been more plainly obvious, and so striving for situational equanimity is no longer good enough. We can't just pretend cops aren't racist and the economy isn't run by venal retards or that the government places any value on the life of its citizens. There's too much evidence that contradicts all that, and the evidence is too omnipresent. There's too many damn internet videos, and only so many of them can be cast as Russian disinformation. So, sadly, we must abandon our old ways of communicating and embrace instead systems that are even more unstable, repressive, and insane than the ones that were previously in place.

Until very, very recently, nuance and big-picture, balanced thinking were considered signs of seriousness, if not intelligence. Such considerations were always exploited by shitheads to obfuscate things that otherwise would have seemed much less ambiguous, yes, but this fact alone does not mitigate the potential value of such an approach to understanding the world--especially since the stuff that's been offered up to replace it is, by every worthwhile metric, even worse.

So let's not pretend I'm Malcolm Gladwell or some similarly slimy asshole seeking to "both sides" a clearcut moral issue. Let's pretend I am me. Flash back to about a year ago, when there was real, widespread, and sustained support for police reform. Remember that? Seems like forever ago, man, but it was just last year... anyhow, now, remember what happened? Direct, issues-focused attempts to reform policing were knocked down. Blotted out. Instead, we were told two things: 1) we had to repeat the slogan ABOLISH THE POLICE, and 2) we had to say it was actually very good and beautiful and nonviolent and valid when rioters burned down poor neighborhoods.

Now, in a relatively healthy discourse, it might have been possible for someone to say something like "while I agree that American policing is heavily violent and racist and requires substantial reforms, I worry that taking such an absolutist point of demanding abolition and cheering on the destruction of city blocks will be a political non-starter." This statement would have been, in retrospect, 100000000% correct. But could you have said it, in any worthwhile manner? If you had said something along those lines, what would the fallout had been? Would you have lost friends? Your job? Would you have suffered something more minor, like getting yelled at, told your opinion did not matter? Would your acquaintances still now--a year later, after their political project has failed beyond all dispute--would they still defame you in "whisper networks," never quite articulating your verbal sins but nonetheless informing others that you are a dangerous and bad person because one time you tried to tell them how utterly fucking self-destructive they were being? It is undeniably clear that last year's most-elevated voices were demanding not reform but catharsis. I hope they really had fun watching those immigrant-owned bodegas burn down, because that’s it, that will forever be remembered as the most palpable and consequential aspect of their shitty, selfish movement. We ain't reforming shit. Instead, we gave everyone who's already in power a blank check to fortify that power to a degree you and I cannot fully fathom.

But, oh, these people knew what they were doing. They were good little boys and girls. They have been rewarded with near-total control of the national discourse, and they are all either too guilt-ridden or too stupid to realize how badly they played into the hands of the structures they were supposedly trying to upend.

And so left-liberalism is now controlled by people whose worldview is equal parts superficial and incoherent. This was the only possible outcome that would have let the system continue to sustain itself in light of such immense evidence of its unsustainability without resulting in reform, so that's what has happened.

But... okay, let's take a step back. Let's focus on what I wanted to talk about when I started this.

I came across a post today from a young man who claimed that his high school English department head had been removed from his position and had his tenure revoked for refusing to remove three books from classrooms. This was, of course, fallout from the ongoing debate about Critical Race Theory. Two of those books were Marjane Satropi's Persepolis and, oh boy, The Diary of Anne Frank. Fuck. Jesus christ, fuck.

Now, here's the thing... When Persepolis was named, I assumed the bannors were anti-CRT. The graphic novel does not deal with racism all that much, at least not as its discussed contemporarily, but it centers an Iranian girl protagonist and maybe that upset Republican types. But Anne Frank? I'm sorry, but the most likely censors there are liberal identiarians who believe that teaching her diary amounts to centering the suffering of a white woman instead of talking about the One Real Racism, which must always be understood in an American context. The super woke cult group Black Hammer made waves recently with their #FuckAnneFrank campaign... you'd be hard pressed to find anyone associated with the GOP taking a firm stance against the diary since, oh, about 1975 or so.

So which side was it? That doesn't matter. What matters is, I cannot find out.

Now, pro-CRT people always accuse anti-CRT people of not knowing what CRT is, and then after making such accusations they always define CRT in a way that absolutely is not what CRT is. Pro-CRTers default to "they don't want  students to read about slavery or racism." This is absolutely not true, and absolutely not what actual CRT concerns itself with. Slavery and racism have been mainstays of American history curriucla since before I was born. Even people who barely paid attention in school would admit this, if there were any more desire for honesty in our discourse. 

My high school history teacher was a southern "lost causer" who took the south's side in the Civil War but nonetheless provided us with the most descriptive and unapologetic understandings of slavery's brutalities I had heard up until that point. He also unambiguously referred to the nuclear attacks on Hiroshmia and Nagasaki as "genocidal." Why? Because most people's politics are idiosyncratic, and because you cannot genuinely infer a person to believe one thing based on their opinion of another, tangentially related thing. The totality of human understanding used to be something open-minded people prided themselves on being aware of, believe it or not...

This is the problem with CRT. This is is the motivation behind the majority of people who wish to ban it. It’s not because they are necessarily racist themselves. It’s because they recognize, correctly, that the now-ascendant frames for understanding social issues boils everything down to a superficial patina that denies not only the realities of the systems they seek to upend but the very humanity of the people who exist within them. There is no humanity without depth and nuance and complexities and contradictions. When you argue otherwise, people will get mad and fight back. 

And this is the most bitter irony of this idiotic debate: it was never about not wanting to teach the sinful or embarrassing parts of our history. That was a different debate, one that was settled and won long ago. It is instead an immense, embarrassing overreach on behalf of people who have bullied their way to complete dominance of their spheres of influence within media and academe assuming they could do the same to everyone else. Some of its purveyors may have convinced themselves that getting students to admit complicity in privilege will prevent police shootings, sure. But I know these people. I’ve spoken to them at length. I’ve read their work. The vast, vast majority of them aren’t that stupid. The point is to exert control. The point is to make sure they stay in charge and that nothing changes. The point is failure. 

[tlhrfanfic]

[Late] Thus With a Kiss I Die

Title: Thus With a Kiss I Die Ship: Late (Nate/Procrastination&Logan) Warnings: Idiot Gays, Kissing, Making Out, Disaster Gays, One Brain cell shared. Cuuuute. Words: 12,444 Request: So this was a Kiss AU list request that was requested by @romantichopelessly​ for a present for getting lots of stuff done with her Botwot AU: 36. we can never be together.

Summary: Logan was just cast as Juliet in the school play. He is not thrilled. Then he finds out that his crush Nate is Romeo. He's doomed.

Read on AO3

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Logan couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t that he couldn’t believe that a senior class in an all-boys boarding school was doing a play. No, that was statistically likely, all things considered. 

 What he couldn’t believe, however, was that the school had chosen Romeo and Juliet as the play for the senior class that year. 

 Why?

 They weren’t even changing the genders of the female characters to appear pro-gay or any of the less than moral types of things private institutions did to bring in donators. 

 “Maybe our parents just thought they’d get a kick out of some of their kids dressing up in drag and talking falsetto.” Logan snorted and glanced at his best friend. 

Virgil sighed. 

 “I’m soooo glad I got the nurse. Yes! No one cares about that old hag’s lines. Smooth sailing.”

 Logan glared. 

 Virgil cleared his throat, shoving his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, and shrugged. 

 “Yeah… tough luck you got the lead.”

 Logan laughed at that and shook his head. 

 “Thank you.”

 Virgil raised a brow. “For what?”

 “Most people have been congratulating me.”

 Virgil snorted. “Oh, yeah. Well, any time dude.”

 Logan sighed and nodded. 

 “So uh… have you talked with him yet?”

 Logan, who currently had his face in his hands, could hear the slight smirk in Virgil’s carefully phrased question. He suddenly longed to glare daggers at his friend but, due to all the excitement, was too exhausted to bother. Definitely not his excitement, but it was felt nonetheless. 

 “I don’t have any idea to whom you would be referring to Virgil.”

Logan attempted to silence the other with a look but his gamble failed.

 Virgil’s smirk widened. “Oh you don’t, do you?”

 Logan mustered up the energy to actually glare daggers his way, but there still wasn’t much fire behind it. He sighed. 

 “What am I going to do?” he asked, a slight whine to his words that he generally avoided. 

 Virgil sighed as well. “Why are you asking me?”

 Logan rolled his eyes and adjusted his glasses. 

 “One of us is actually in a romantic relationship and it is not me.”

 Virgil blushed and shrugged.

 “It’s all still very new though so I don’t know what you expect from me here, Lo.”

 “How do I get him to like me?”

 “Dude, you’ve liked that guy since we started high school. If anyone knows how to get him to like you, it’s you.”

 Logan groaned. 

 “Has Patton been having you listen to those self-growth tapes again?”

 Virgil shrugged but smiled softly and, for a moment, Logan smiled as well. He was very pleased to see his friend so happy. “They’re really not so bad.”

 “Good to know.”

 Logan sighed. 

 “Why don’t you just tell him?”

 Logan looked up at Virgil as if he’d grown an extra head. 

 “Right. Tell Nate Lassus, whom most of those students who identify as gay or bisexual and/or pan want, that I’ve had a crush on him for three years? Someone who I should not even want because truly, what do we have in common?”

 “You mean aside from the fact that you guys like each other and want to kiss each other and make out and do I need to keep going?”

 “That does not promote a healthy relationship, Virgil.”

 Virgil rolled his eyes. “Then you get to know him and I am certain there is something you guys have in common.”

 “Also, he does not like me. Don’t think I didn’t hear that.”

 “He does, and I hoped you would.” Virgil stuck out his tongue.

 Logan bit his tongue to keep from snapping at his friend. Virgil had been on this whole theory that Nate liked him as well. Which was absolutely absurd and held no merit whatsoever despite Virgil and Patton’s so-called evidence. 

 “Patton said he looked excited when you were chosen for Juliet. Even looked your way, hoping you were looking at him.”

 Logan looked up at Virgil. For a moment, there was a sliver of hope but reality sunk in. 

 “This is Nate Lassus we are talking about, Virgil. He’s just excited to get to kiss a guy on stage.”

 Virgil groaned but dropped the subject. Logan knew that wouldn’t be the last of it, however, he was happy for the break.

 »»————　♞　————««

 Nate watched as his two best friends fooled around with some of the prop swords backstage. He was currently working on some backgrounds, hammering some pre-cut wood boards that would be used as trees or perhaps castle props or any number of things. 

 He didn’t do the whole painting bit, but he could definitely manage hammering support pieces of wood to the backdrops. 

 As he worked, Nate thought back to the assembly when they were informed that a play would be put on and the parts that they would perform. When he had heard his name first, announced along with the name of the play’s male lead, his only thought had been a half-hearted wish. 

 If only Logan could be my Juliet… he’d thought and then—as if his thoughts had actually held any power at all—Logan’s name had been called and Juliet’s had followed. Nate could only glance at Logan, hoping to see what the other’s reaction had been. Unfortunately, it had looked like… well, not disgust, which was good… but definitely shock and dread. Nate had tried to tell himself that the looks were more about the role he’d been given and had nothing to do with himself.

 It felt like a lie, but it made Nate feel better all the same.

 “Take that, heathen,” Janus’s crisp voice broke through his thoughts. He glanced up from his spot on the floor as he shifted to the next set of backdrops and supports. 

 “Never, you scallywag bitch!” Remus cackled and rushed at Janus, the pair’s swords clacked with every strike.

 Where Janus actually had had fencing lessons and moved with finesse and experience, Remus struck down with pure force and nothing else. With Janus’s slight frame—at five-foot-four—it would seem that Remus’s strategy could gain him the upper hand. However, it was the smaller teen’s quick and fluid footwork that secured his victory. 

 As Nate had guessed, Remus’s wood sword was soon sailing across the room, clacking onto the tiled floor. Remus cackled, rather than growing angry, and rushed to get the wooden sword. With the more chaotic of his friends distracted, Janus turned to Nate while continuing to run through different fencing patterns.

 Sharp eyes met Nate’s, one a deep brown and the other a warm gold. He said nothing, knowing that whatever it was his friend wanted to say, he would get to it when he was ready and not a moment sooner. Still, as the moments ticked on, Nate wished he would just get on with it already. 

 “Sooo… Logan Wright is your Juliet… now why does this seem so fitting.… Oh right, because you complete morons are in love with each other. Maybe even the teachers and staff know it and this is the whole damn school’s way of saying ‘Now Kiss’.”

 Nate rolled his eyes. He tried to stay chipper and upbeat but now that it was spoken, he could no longer ignore the siren call of his crush as a topic. 

 “Jan… he didn’t even look at me… what if…”

 “Hopeless…”

 “Jan, I’m serious here.”

 “And so am I, Nate.”

 Remus returned. 

 “How do you know Logan likes him anyway, babe?”

 Janus looked at his boyfriend and shrugged. 

 “I can’t really say how… just trust me on this. My instincts are solid when it comes to people’s love lives.”

 Nate wanted to argue but, since Janus was his best friend from grade school, he already knew it was pointless. Not to mention, Janus had walked into the school freshman year, spotted Remus, and pointed him out to Nate. 

 “That guy is strange and quite possibly deranged. And I’m not sure how I know this, but we are most definitely going to date.”

 Nate had snorted and moved on. Then it had happened in Junior year, long after Janus had forgotten about the fateful statement he had made two years before. So he might have been right back then, but Nate really didn't want to have to wait two years like the other had to find out if his best friend’s prediction today would come true. 

 “You really should tell ol’ Logan how you feel, dude.” Remus shrugged, grinning that almost maniacal grin of his. Nate couldn’t help but grin back. 

 Still, his friends obviously didn’t get it. 

 If Logan had any feelings, he would have looked his way at the assembly when he’d realized it was Nate who he’d be kissing. 

 Oh, fuck. That’s right.

 Not only was it that Logan would be kissing him… 

 Nate would get to kiss Logan. 

 “And this look is Nate now realizing that not only does he get to share the lead with his crush, but he also gets to kiss said crush on stage in front of everybody.” Janus murmured with a side glance at his boyfriend. Remus snickered. 

 Nate threw them the double bird and kicked them out. 

 Getting back to work, Nate put all thoughts of crushes and kisses out of his mind.

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan almost didn’t make it to the meeting with Mr. Thomas Sanders, the drama teacher who was putting the show on, and Nate. He was just going to continue on with his normal routine and that would be that. They would realize he just wasn’t going to do it and they would get someone else. 

 Then he realized that part of him wanted to go. Was it curiosity? Or was it the siren call of having a valid reason to spend more time with Nate?

 Logan blinked as he looked around, finding himself already headed in the direction of the theater. 

 It took a lot less time than he hoped to reach the two large oak doors, opening one of them and slipping inside. He was not surprised to see Mr. Sanders’s bright, welcoming smile. He was also not surprised to see that Nate was not there. 

 Nate had a habit of running late… all the time. 

 Something that would annoy him in anyone else, but with Nate, it somehow just worked.

 “Logan! Thank you for being here,” Mr. Sanders said, still smiling brightly. “Nate should be here soon.”

 Logan nodded, ignoring the heat rising up the back of his neck. 

 He jumped a moment later as the oak door opened once more, his head jerking in that direction.

 In walked Nate, looking just as attractive as he always did. It was because he was having what Roman, Patton’s friend, would call a ‘swoon moment’ that Logan didn’t notice it at first, but Nate’s gaze was on him from the moment he walked in the door. 

 Pretending that his blush was not currently seeping into his cheeks, Logan cleared his throat and turned in Nate’s direction. Standing up straight, Logan nodded at the other in greeting. While they weren’t friends, they had shared a number of classes and projects and school trips over the years. They’d talked but only in a capacity regarding those things. 

 None of which were personal or intimate. 

 Logan withheld a sigh, then remembered he should say something. 

 “Salutations, Nathan.”

 “Hey yourself, Logan. Hey, Mr. S.”

 Nate joined them and Mr. Sanders led them to the front row of seats. He had three padded fold out chairs, one in front of the other two. Logan took one of them and Nate took the other. Ignoring how close he was to Nate at that very moment, Logan focused instead on Mr. Sanders. 

 The drama teacher took the chair in front of them and beamed at them both. 

 “Thank you both for coming. I just wanted to take a moment and congratulate you both on getting the roles, even if you may not have wanted them.”

 Mr. Sanders who smiled apologetically. 

 “I had suggested we hold auditions and I was overruled.”

 Logan shrugged, a habit he had picked up from Virgil. 

 “It can’t be helped now and it’s not for any major event. I mean, I may suffer from making an absolute mockery of myself but… I have my own reasons for doing it, I suppose.”

 “Oh really? Do tell,” Nate pressed, flashing an easy grin.

 Logan flushed. He couldn’t believe he had just said what he’d said. He had felt surprisingly calm in the moment though he supposed that was just the effect Mr. Sanders had on people.

 Effective for an instructor teaching performing arts. 

 “It’s just… I’m a team player. We all have to do this. I cannot be selfish. I’d also… well, I’d kind of like to challenge myself too, I suppose.”

 And it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Nate was playing Romeo and Logan would get to kiss him. 

 Logan’s heart rate increased and his eyes fell to Nate’s mouth before quickly looking away.

 “Huh. Well… that’s epic. Good for you, dude.”

 Logan nodded. 

 “Nate’s right. That is very epic!” Mr. Sanders agreed. 

 He clapped his hands.

 “Alright, I know I don’t have to tell you two that Romeo and Juliet are the two most important characters in the play. Obviously, without them, the play would not exist. But, I want you guys to forget about that.”

 Logan’s confusion must have shown on his face because Mr. Sanders elaborated. “You are to think of them as people. Think of them as your friends. Or better yet, yourselves. I want you to get into their minds and think about why they do the things they do in the way they do them.”

 He stood up, pacing back and forth as he explained, glancing at them every so often. He then returned to them, taking the chair once more.

 “By doing that, you open them up in an intimate way that allows you to become them. Does all of that make sense?”

 He looked at Logan first before glancing at Nate. 

 Logan considered the words. He wasn’t an actor. That was Roman. 

 Which reminded him to make a mental note to speak with Roman after this. Unfortunately, while that would help future him, it did not help him now. 

 “I suppose… it’s… well, if we don’t feel what they are feeling…” Logan was grasping at straws. He was hands down the worst choice for the character of Juliet he had ever seen. 

 Nate leaned toward Logan. It was subtle but Logan, constantly aware of his surroundings, noticed. Strangely, it was comforting. 

 “Let me take a stab.”

 “Go ahead, Nate.” Mr. Sanders said with a grin, pleased with the other’s enthusiasm.

 “It’s because we can’t just learn the lines and do what the movements and motions say. Anyone can do that, but in order to sell what we are doing, we have to understand the character’s struggles to better perform them on the stage. By becoming the characters, we help the audience experience what they were feeling and thinking.”

 “Very good Nate! Exactly.”

 Logan glanced at Nate and smiled his appreciation. Nate shrugged.

 And winked.

 Logan blushed and turned his attention back to Mr. Sanders who was rising to head to his bag. He pulled out what appeared to be papers and two boxes and headed back to them. Handing each boy a stapled document, he continued to talk. 

 “These are your scripts. Feel free to highlight, take notes, change directions, and—although anything you change must be approved by me—I am always open to and strongly urge suggestions.” He then handed them each a box of two highlighters. “Rehearsals will start tomorrow after school. They will run for an hour and a half during weekdays for the next four weeks. The three weeks after that will be two and a half hour practices and the week after that is show week.”

 He glanced at them both. 

 “Any questions?”

 Logan, afraid to speak, shook his head. He held his script and highlighters close, ready to bolt at the first opportunity. Nate must have agreed in some fashion because Mr. Sanders continued on. 

 “One last suggestion. You are expected to run your lines outside of rehearsals. It’s the only way to memorize the lines. However, you are not expected to run lines together. I do want to strongly urge that you do. Find a nice quiet place to run the scenes you guys have together. You both already seem pretty comfortable around each other. That will help! Especially when it comes to practicing the kiss.” 

 He glanced at Logan. “You do not have to practice the kiss but you will want to. Trust me. It’s not easy to kiss strangers on stage.” He shuddered and Logan had to wonder at his experience with such things. Perhaps it was better not to ask. 

 He ignored his flaming cheeks and cleared his throat. 

 “Thank you for all the suggestions and insight, Mr. Sanders, but if that is all, I really must go.”

 “Yes, of course. You are both good to go and I look forward to seeing you at rehearsals.”

 Logan took off and didn’t look back. 

  »»————　♞　————««

 Nate wasn’t sure how he managed it, but he was able to keep his disappointment and irritation off his face until he thanked Mr. Sanders and left. 

 So… that was it then. 

 Logan didn’t like him and was actually disgusted by the idea of not only kissing him but practicing kissing him too. 

 He sighed as he ignored the urge to hit the wall. Even if it would help him let out his frustration, he’d have a broken hand and that would just do no one any good. 

 Deciding to put the feelings into doing something useful, Nate made his way to the door that led backstage and headed in. Making his way past the dressing rooms and costume closets, Nate reached the main backstage floor, where he found Janus. 

 His friend was busy working, sketching backgrounds onto the backdrops that had already been assembled. Janus didn’t even bother looking up. 

 “Nice of you to join me, Nate.”

 Nate had no idea how he always knew it was him without looking, but at this point, he couldn’t be bothered to ask. Janus would likely take it to his grave anyway. 

 “Hey, dude.” Nate sighed.

 Janus immediately looked up from what he was doing, his eyes narrowing. 

 “What happened?” 

 Nate blinked, a shiver at the dangerous look in those two toned eyes running down his back. Not for the first time, he was extremely happy that Janus was his friend rather than an enemy. 

 “Nothing… exactly?”

 “Darling, it’s my job to be vague and interesting. Yours is to be strong and mmm… a little himbo-esque. Now, I’m going to ask you again. What happened?”

 Nate sighed and explained what had happened in the meeting and Logan’s sudden rush out the doors at the end. Janus kept the same unreadable expression on his face throughout the story and when Nate finished, he sighed. 

 Nate frowned. 

 “What?”

 “Nate… darling… I don’t mean to sound harsh when I say this… who the hell am I kidding, yes I do. Especially since I know you can take it. Think about what you just told me and then think about who it is you’re talking about…”

 “Logan… yeah, so what?”

 Janus tutted. 

 “Okay… I see I am going to have to spell this out for you, hon. In the years that we have attended this school with Logan, have you ever seen him date? Ever see him hold hands with anyone?” He watched Nate closely. Nate, not sure where this was going, just listened. “Ever see him hug anyone… well, I suppose he gets hugs from Patton but that definitely doesn’t count. Everyone gets hugs from Patton. But anyway… ever see him in any scenario like those I mentioned?”

 Nate didn’t really need to think about it. He had liked Logan for so long, it was as if his presence was a magnet for Nate’s gaze. 

 “No… but I don’t really see how…”

 “So gorgeous… so sweet… but so, so dumb.”

 Nate might have felt offended but the other said the insult with such fondness it almost felt like the other compliments he’d offered. 

 “Janus, just get to the point.”

 “Very well. Of course Logan ran out of there at the thought of practicing kissing you… he’s never been kissed, Nate.”

 Oh.

 Oh.

 “Oh.”

 Janus smirked and stood up, coming to stand in front of him. Nate looked down at him and sighed. 

 “I… never even considered… huh… okay… so I should definitely go find him then?”

 “Oh, most definitely.”

 Janus winked. Nate grinned at the other and nodded at the sketch. 

 “Nice trees, by the way. I think that’s what they are—”

 “Fuck you,” Janus said but grinned. 

 “You wish.”

 “Don’t I just.” 

 Nate chuckled and pointed at the hall that led to the exit with his thumb. 

 “I’ve got a cute nerd to find. Catch you later.”

 “Oh, have you learned how to catch things now?”

 Nate, who totally could not catch anything thrown his way, gasped. 

 “Low blow, my friend.”

 “It’s how you know I care. Now, go find Logan. Also, maybe consider telling him how you feel… just a thought. No pressure.”

 “Yeah… we’ll see. Later.”

 “Go get him, darling.”

 Nate snorted but headed out for the dorms.

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan reached the dorm room that he shared with Virgil and quickly buried himself in the thing that made him feel safest: homework. 

 He was so lost in his homework that he almost didn’t hear the knock on the door. It wasn’t odd to have someone knock on his door, so Logan didn’t give it much thought. It was likely Patton looking for Virgil or something. Patton often forgot that his cell phone would be a much more efficient solution to finding his boyfriend. 

 Then again, also knowing Patton pretty well by now, it was just as likely he was checking up on Logan. That boy did wear his heart on his sleeve and would want to help if he perceived someone was upset in any way. 

 Therefore, when he went to open his door, it was with great surprise, and uncalled for embarrassment, he found Nate on the other side. 

 “So… hey.”

 “... Hi.”

 Logan did not miss how Nate glanced into his dorm before looking at him once more. 

 “I was wondering if you… uh… if you had a moment.”

 Logan shifted slightly but nodded. When he said nothing, Nate continued. 

 “Do you think we can maybe take this inside?”

 “You wish to be invited into my dorm room?”

 Nate chuckled softly. Logan frowned. It almost sounded fond but that made no sense. Logan was barely a blip on Nate’s radar. There was no reason for him to be fond of anything that had to do with Logan. 

 Deciding it was obviously projections of his own feelings—why did he have them again?—Logan pushed any thoughts and inquiries on fondness from his mind. 

 “Yeah, if that’s alright with you.”

 Logan considered before nodding, opening the door and stepping away to let Nate pass. He closed the door behind him, trying to ignore the twisting of his insides from having his crush in his room. 

 Not sure what to do with himself, Logan returned to his desk and leaned against it, watching Nate and ignoring the heat rising up the back of his neck. 

 “Alright… we’re inside. What did you wish to speak to me about?”

 Nate, who had been checking out the room, seemed to focus on Logan’s side. 

 Interesting. 

 He grinned at Logan now and crossed from the book shelf he had been perusing to stand in front of him. 

 “Yeah, so… I just wanted to talk about the play…”

 Logan sighed. 

 “Obviously. There is no other reason that could have brought you here. I know we don’t talk too much and we aren’t friends so there would be no reason to hang out, but surely, after years of school with me, you would know that I am pretty observant.”

 Nate chuckled that same fond laugh again. The sound had heat slipping into Logan’s cheeks and he cleared his throat. 

 “What about the play, Nathan?”

 Nate sighed. “Janus told me you’ve uh… you’ve never been kissed…”

 Oh.

 Right, the kiss in the play.

 Even though this was obviously about kissing each other in the play, Logan couldn’t get past the fact that he would have to kiss Nate. If it had been anyone else, he was certain he could manage. But with Nate… 

 What if he was horrible? What if Nate told everyone?

 No… Nathan Lasses could be a dick but to most people, he was kind and fair and nice. Besides, in Logan’s humble opinion, Remy—Nate’s twin—was much worse. 

 Nate wouldn’t tell anyone. Knowing Nate, he’d offer to help him practice and—

 Suddenly it clicked. He knew exactly why Nate was there. 

 “Ah. You wish to practice the kiss,” he said simply. 

 Nate’s eyes widened in surprise for a brief moment before the look was replaced with something else. Something softer. 

 Do not even think of that word, Logan, or so help me.

 “Correct, as always, scholar.”

 Logan blinked. Huh, a nickname. 

 As far as Logan had been informed by Patton, nicknames were things people gave to other people they really liked and wanted to be friends with. 

 Logan held back a sigh. 

 Friendship… well, I suppose if that’s what he wants from me… it would be selfish of me to refuse.

 Ignoring the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he forced a smile. 

 “That… that would be okay with me…” Logan said. 

 This was not how he wanted his first kiss—especially not with Nate—but as there was no hope for more, it would be pointless to hold out on the impossibility that there ever would be.

 Besides, it was better this way. He was far too busy for silly things like holding hands, little whispers spoken between kisses, flirting, cuddling. He wasn’t big on those things anyway. Even if he would have liked to try… with Nate.

 “Wait, really? I honestly thought I was going to have to like talk you into it or something.”

 Logan shook his head and held up a hand.

 “Not at all. Janus, though I’d love to know who his source was, is correct. I’ve never kissed or been kissed. This is an adequate solution. Completely logical.”

 Nate frowned and Logan hesitated. 

 “What’s wrong?”

 Nate had a look on his face that was hard for Logan to read. It was reserved but there was something else too. Before Logan could figure out what it could be, Nate was suddenly grinning and clapping. It was as if nothing had happened but there was still a weird charge in the air. 

 Or maybe Logan was reading too much into the situation. 

 “Nothing’s wrong, dude. Let’s get started.”

 Logan’s eyes widened at that. 

 “Now?”

 He was pained to admit to himself that he might have squeaked the word, but if any one else asked, he would take it to his grave. 

 Nate snickered. 

 “Aww, getting shy? Cute.”

 Logan blushed at that and, regretfully, flailed his embarrassment. 

 “I’m not cute!”

 “I mean, of course you don’t find yourself attractive, scholar, but you never know. Some people might.”

 “Oh, yes, and someday Patton will stop hanging out with cats even though he’s pretty severely allergic.”

 “Haha, yeah right.”

 “Exactly.”

 It seemed to hit Nate what Logan had meant and suddenly the taller teen was closing the remaining distance between them.

 “I’m serious, Logan.” He looked it too. His dark brown eyes locked with Logan’s and he smiled the same smile from earlier. The one that Logan was positive he was projecting because it made zero sense for Nate to smile at him like that unless…

 No Logan. You already ran the probability of a guy like him liking a guy like you. He doesn’t like you in the same way you like him.

 “Hey, Logan…” Nate said, voice lower. Softer.

 Logan looked up, unsure of when he looked away. His grey eyes met brown once more and suddenly the atmosphere changed. 

 He could no longer hear the world outside his dorm room and time felt slower. He wasn’t sure what was happening and he wasn’t sure he liked it. Clearing his throat, he swallowed. 

 “Yes, Nathan…” he whispered. 

 Why was he whispering?

 “Can I kiss you?”

 Logan swallowed again but nodded. 

 Nate smiled and Logan was shocked again to find it seemed kind of… disappointed. Sad, even. Then Nate was closing his eyes and Logan, completely out of his element, did the same. 

 The first contact was soft… almost as if it hadn’t been there at all. Logan found himself leaning into it and his lips found Nate’s. He gasped and pulled away, bringing a hand to his mouth. 

 “Very good, for your first kiss,” Nate said, grinning teasingly. Logan blushed. 

 “Shut up.”

 “No, no. None of that. I’m serious. You did good.”

 “Right.” 

 Logan had no reason to believe him, of course, but it was nice to hear. Then again, unlike Logan, Nate had kissed many people. Maybe he knew what he was talking about. He cleared his throat.

 “Should we… keep practicing?”

 Nate seemed surprised by the question but laughed and nodded. 

 “We absolutely should keep practicing. Definitely should. One hundred percent.”

 Logan rolled his eyes but snorted. 

 “Very well. Kiss me again.”

 Nate smirked. 

 “Yes, sir.”

 With that, he placed his hands on Logan’s hips and tugged him against his body, leaning down to kiss him deeply on the mouth.

  »»————　♞　————««

 Nate couldn’t help the pleased sound that escaped him as he kissed Logan deeply. His eyes were closed, brows furrowed, lips moving against Logan’s. 

 Never in all his wildest dreams had he ever thought he would get the chance to kiss Logan. Now that he had, however, he felt as if the universe was laughing in his face. 

 Like, yeah you get to kiss him but you ain’t never gonna have him. Not how you so desperately desire.

 Fuck the universe. 

 If he couldn’t find the words to tell Logan…

 If he couldn’t trust himself to say the right things…

 Well, he’d just have to tell him through his kisses. 

 He could do that.

 Logan’s arms wrapped around him and Nate took that as all the permission he needed to hold Logan closer. He moved one hand to the small of Logan’s back as his other hand came up to frame the intelligent teen’s face. 

 Nate was the one who had to pull away, inhaling sharply as he tried to catch his breath and chuckling as Logan chased after his retreating mouth. 

 “So…” Nate asked, the word low and still a little breathless. “How was that?”

 Logan just blinked up at Nate. “H-huh, what, I’m sorry?”

 Nate laughed deeply at that and, before he could talk himself out of it, he quickly leaned down to kiss the other’s forehead. 

 “Cute…” he said, voice low and fond. 

 Logan blushed but said nothing. Silence fell between them, neither knowing what to say or what to do. Logan seemed to want to say something—maybe ask something—but it was clear to Nate that he was nervous. Nate wished he could think of just the right thing to say that would reassure the other that he wasn’t ever going to judge him. 

 If he only knew how much I care…

 Then maybe you should tell him. That voice sounded far more like Janus’s than it did Nate’s.

 Yeah right.

 Nate smiled down at Logan and was about to ask him if it would be okay if they practiced again tomorrow but in the next moment Logan was pressing closer and kissing him. Having absolutely no problem with this change in plans, Nate wrapped both arms tight around Logan, embracing him completely as he kissed back hungrily. 

 It was Logan’s turn to make pleased sorts of sounds, the other teen obviously getting lost in the feelings and sensations. That was all well and good, of course, but the sounds did things to Nate and if he allowed those sounds to keep doing those things to him, well… 

 He wouldn’t need words to tell Logan how he felt because Logan would be able to feel it.

 Pulling away quickly, Nate worked hard to catch his breath. He swallowed hard and cleared his throat. 

 “Okay! So, I think this is a great place to stop. We can totally practice some more tomorrow, if you’re okay with that—”

 “Yes.” Logan said it so quickly he seemed to surprise even himself. 

 Nate’s brows rose as Logan cleared his throat and spoke up again, more reserved. 

 “I mean, that would be agreeable.”

 Nate smirked at that.

 “Great. Same time after classes? Back here?”

 Logan nodded but then stopped. 

 “Yes… but can we go to your room? I just… if Virgil’s here I’m not going to be able to… you know… it’ll be too embarrassing.”

 “You do realize that we are going to be kissing in front of a whole lot more than just one student, right?”

 Logan nodded, pulling off his glasses. He pulled out a little handkerchief, wiping gently at the lenses. 

 “Of course… but that’s a little different. We’ll be on stage and the audience will mostly be in shadow. Not to mention, the audience will be one collective group. I won’t know where my friends are sitting—well, most of them will be in the play but that is beside the point—and so I won’t see them. If it were just Virgil there though… it just seems too…”

 “Intimate,” Nate asked, hopeful. 

 Logan considered the word and finally nodded.

 “Yes, exactly. Too intimate.”

 “Well, I mean I have a roommate too, so I’m not sure I can promise Janus won’t be there.”

 That was a bold face lie. He could and would make sure Janus would not be there. 

 He grinned. “But if that’s cool with you, then I am more than happy to sacrifice my room for our kissing practices.”

 Logan blushed but smiled gently, nodding. 

 “Thank you.”

 Nate nodded. 

 He glanced at the door and then back at Logan. 

 “So… I have to be honest… kissing you is kinda fun…”

 That’s the understatement of the century.

 Still, he didn’t want to come on too strong and scare the other. The blush this pulled from Logan also made the light confession so very worth it.

 “Mind if I take one for the road?”

 Logan’s eyes brightened and Nate watched as the other’s eyes darted to Nate’s mouth and back while licking his lips. He nodded slowly. 

 “I would not be opposed.”

 “Good.”

 Nate moved in close once more, hands on Logan’s hips as he guided him in closer. His brown eyes met gray and he grinned warmly. 

 “Cute,” he said as the other blushed a little deeper.

 Before Logan could argue his point, Nate closed his eyes and kissed Logan hard. Logan gasped into the kiss, perhaps surprised by the sudden intensity. Nate took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Logan’s mouth, exploring it and caressing Logan’s tongue with his own. 

 Logan let out an almost whimpering sound and Nate groaned in response. It was Logan who ended the kiss this time and Nate couldn’t deny that he had definitely chased after his mouth. Logan was panting and pulled out of Nate’s hold, the taller teen letting him. 

 “Wow…” Logan breathed, bringing his fingers to press at kiss swollen lips. 

 “Yeah,” Nate agreed, catching his own breath. Silence fell between them again but it was almost comfortable this time. Nate grinned. 

 “Well, I guess I’ll see you in class and kissing practice after.”

 Logan nodded. When it was clear he wasn’t going to say anything else, Nate moved close once more and kissed the top of his head. 

 “See you tomorrow, scholar.”

 “See you tomorrow, Nathan.”

 Nate had the walk back to his own dorm to consider everything that had just happened. He couldn’t believe how well Logan had taken to kissing him. Then again, Nate had it so bad even if Logan couldn’t kiss, he’d still enjoy it… but there was also the fact that Logan was intelligent and smart and capable and it was no surprise at all that he had picked up kissing just as well as any other subject or skill. 

 But Logan had enjoyed it… and had wanted to keep doing it. 

 Just like that, hope returned in Nate’s heart. 

 Maybe, just maybe, his hopeless crush on Logan Wright wasn’t so hopeless after all. 

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan continued to press his fingers against his lips throughout the night. He did it so much that it almost became something of a fixation. He would remember the feeling of Nate’s lips pressed against his own and brush against his own lips, still sore from all the kissing. 

 He would then smile and sigh as his insides fluttered until he reminded himself that the kissing was just Nate being a good friend and one would assume a good actor. Logan was pretty certain that Roman went on often about something he called ‘method acting’. 

 His and Nate’s kissing was simply that. 

 Logan longed for so much more. 

 Still, Nate had obviously enjoyed kissing him so maybe this kissing practice would prove to be a good thing. 

 Logan brought his hand up to his lips once more, smiling softly as he brushed against them idly. 

 It was at that moment the door opened and Virgil shuffled in, tossing his bag by the little couch in the middle of the room. He collapsed onto it, only then glancing Logan’s way. 

 Logan, still lost in the memory of kissing Nate, had registered Virgil’s arrival but said nothing, still sliding his fingers gently across his lips. 

 “Hello~ Earth to Logan? Dude, what’s going on with you?”

 Logan blinked and looked at Virgil.

 “Oh, hey there, Virgil. Did you hang out with Patton?”

 Virgil nodded before shaking his head. 

 “Nope. We’re talking about you… you’re acting very… uh… Roman-y and Patton-y today.”

 Logan blushed because what that meant was that he was being very feelings-y. Logan usually was not a very feelings-y person. His best friend knew this well. 

 There were, however, some things he was not yet aware of. 

 “I kissed Nate today!” Logan said. Then he added, as an afterthought, “a lot.”

 Virgil’s eyes widened almost comically. 

 “You did what? When?”

 “While you were out…”

 “So, what? Did he ask you out? Are you two dating? Do I have to give him the best friend talk where I threaten his life if he hurts you?”

 Logan’s brows rose and he stared at Virgil waiting for him to end his tirade. He didn’t respond until Virgil grinned sheepishly and gestured in a go-right-ahead sort of manner. 

 “Okay, first… you have the wrong impression but, considering I blurted out that I kissed him with no other context, that’s not your fault. He sought me out here and I realized that he was offering to practice with me and well… I accepted.”

 “So…” Virgil bit his lip. “Look, I know when we’re younger and they tell you your first kiss is a big deal and all and it’s best with someone you really like and that likes you too but… it’s not like it is on tv.”

 Logan shrugged and smiled at Virgil. He knew it wasn’t a fully happy smile, but honestly, Virgil was a good friend. He tried his very best to help Logan any time he needed to feel better. 

 “So… even though you have to kiss him in the play when doesn’t like you—which, I’m still positive he does, that’s not the point here—how was it?”

 Logan laughed as he watched Virgil shift to the edge of the couch, leaning forward in Logan’s direction, obviously invested in whatever it was Logan would say next. 

 The intelligent teen blushed but smiled slowly, biting his lip. 

 “It was so much better than I could ever imagine.”

 Virgil chuckled at that and nodded. 

 “Yeah. Yeah, I feel that. Remember when we were younger and we were grossed out by even the thought.”

 Logan nodded. In fact, until that first kiss, Logan had still very much thought that. But now… 

 “I want to kiss him again.”

 Virgil laughed again. 

 “Damn, L.” 

 Logan blushed. “Shut up.”

 Virgil snorted. “Nope. Never. Besides, it's my job to keep you on your toes.”

 Logan shook his head. Idly, he brought his hand up to brush at his lips again. 

 “I’m a little worried though… it’s obvious that you like kissing him so much because of your feelings for him, L.”

 Logan nodded. He too had come to the conclusion. 

 “Okay… maybe don’t have so many practices?”

 Logan considered and nodded. 

 “Yeah… yeah, maybe.”

 Virgil seemed happy to have helped and went off to shuffle in his backpack for his homework. Logan sighed. 

 Virgil had a point. A very valid and logical point. 

 Unfortunately, Logan was not sure how well he would be able to resist now that he’d had just a taste of what could never be.

 Pushing the problem out of his mind, Logan turned his attention back to the problems that were within his ability to solve. 

  »»————　♞　————««

 Nate honestly felt like he was floating as he walked through the dorms, heading for his own room. He headed inside, making his way to his bed and tossed himself onto it. As he looked up at the ceiling, he brought a hand to his mouth and slid his fingers against his lower lip. 

 A smile slowly slipped onto his face as he pulled his hand away and bit his lip. He couldn’t believe how readily Logan had agreed to ‘kiss practice’. He had even agreed to continue it. 

 Nate found himself torn. 

 As much as he had so very loved kissing the intelligent teen, he also knew that he was only setting himself up for heartbreak. The play—and so the kissing—would come to an end and things would go back to the way they had been. 

 Still, Nate didn’t see why that meant he couldn’t enjoy it while he had the chance. If it had never been for the powers-that-be choosing himself and Logan for Romeo and Juliet, he would never have gotten the chance to feel what it was like to kiss the boy he had liked for so long. 

 The door opened and Nate, a soft, warm smile on his face and insides toasty, looked up to meet Janus’s gaze. Janus, apparently noting the love-sick look on his face, sighed and tugged Remus in by their linked hands before closing the door. 

 “I take it from the revolting look on your face that you talked to Logan?” Nate noted how eager the other sounded. 

 He cleared his throat. 

 “Oh, yeah… yeah, we talked a bit…”

 Nate looked away as Janus narrowed his eyes. 

 “And…?”

 “Ah, and nothing… I just told him I completely understood he was nervous.”

 “Did you tell him how you feel, Nate?”

 Nate had the decency to look sheepish. 

 “Not… exactly…”

 Janus gave him the look that meant he should continue. 

 “But he was very responsive to my kisses.”

 Janus’s eyes widened and Nate felt a rush of pride at causing such a rare phenomenon. It was not often that one surprised Janus Trompeur. 

 “You kissed him?”

 Nate could hear the excitement in his voice. Not wanting a misunderstanding, Nate cleared his throat. 

 “Yeah… I told him it was understandable he was nervous since he’d never been kissed and he came to the conclusion that I was offering to practice with him and so he agreed and we kissed… a lot… and it was so much better than I could have ever imagined.”

 Janus crossed his arms. “Uh huh.”

 “You should have seen Logan too… I’ve… I’ve never seen him like that before… I can safely guarantee it was enjoyed by both parties. He’s also agreed to continue. We’ll have another practice tomorrow.”

 He glanced up at Janus, hoping he would see where he was going with this. 

 The other sighed and winced. 

 “Oh, Nate… you beautiful, dumb idiot… you’re going to try to kiss him in love with you, aren’t you.”

 Nate flashed a grin. 

 “I’m going to kiss him in love with me, Janus!”

 Janus sighed, bringing a hand up to palm his face before he shook his head. 

 “Oh, darling. That’s not going to work if you don’t tell him how you feel.”

 Nate sighed. 

 “Yeah, you should lick his juicy butthole as well!”

 Janus and Nate both glared at Remus, who just cackled and continued to listen. 

 “Nate…”

 Nate threw up his hands in frustration. 

 “Okay, okay! Damn it, I know, Janus. I know.”

 Janus smiled and nodded. 

 “Very good… and….”

 Nate sighed and rolled his eyes but answered dutifully, as expected. 

 “And I promise I will find some time before the play is over to tell him how I feel.”

 Janus flashed a victory smile. 

 “Good. Now, all this dabbling into your love life has made me hungry. Let’s go get dinner.”

 Nate grinned and nodded. Ignoring the return of the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Nate pulled on his coat and joined the other two for dinner.

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan wouldn’t say he had grown used to kissing Nate three days into practice, but he would definitely say he had grown comfortable with it. Unfortunately, as Monday came and classes began once more, Logan realized that today would be the first rehearsal. 

 He would have to kiss Nate… but on stage. 

 “I can’t do this, Nate,” he said, his words a little sharp from nerves. Nate just shrugged and nodded at the audience that was currently made up of the rest of their senior class. Unfortunately, that meant the seats were nearly packed and quite a lot of people would be watching. 

 Unlike their parents and faculty, the other students wouldn’t hold back if he were to make an absolute mockery of himself. 

 Suddenly, hands were on his shoulders and he could feel the tightness deep in his bones melting away as strong fingers rubbed into his muscles. 

 “Sorry… I should have asked first… I can stop, if you want me to…”

 Logan shook his head, letting out a little moan of pleasure as his eyes closed. 

 “No… this is… this is acceptable.”

 Logan sighed as he focused on Nate’s hands and the way his muscles relaxed under his touch. By the time his body was completely relaxed, Logan realized he was pressed into Nate in a very intimate way. Stepping forward, he turned to look at Nate, clearing his throat. 

 “Thank you for the massage. I appreciate it.”

 Nate smiled. 

 “Anytime.”

 Logan, noting how amazing his body felt, nodded. “Noted. I might actually take you up on that offer in the future. Now, let’s run the lines once more before we—”

 “Logan. Nate. You two are up.” Remy called, as if bored out of his mind.

 Logan stiffened but gave a sharp nod. Nate returned his hands to Logan’s shoulders as he nodded to his twin. Remy walked off and Nate turned Logan to look at him. 

 “You’ve got this, Logan. You already have all your lines memorized. Literally. Which by the way, think you can help me with that, because I totally do not…”

 Logan laughed, feeling the worry and stress melting away. 

 He turned to look at Nate and smiled. 

 “I have this theory.”

 Nate grinned. “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

 “That you’re going to do a really good job.”

 Nate’s eyes warmed and his smile went soft. Once again, Logan was projecting onto this poor teenager who had no idea what he did to Logan. 

 “Let’s go break some legs, yeah.”

 “I prefer the phrase ‘fracture a femur’ but yes, let’s.”

 Nate laughed deeply and Logan couldn’t help but grin, a little proud of himself for causing such a reaction. 

 »»————　♞　————««

 Nate, in character, made his way to his love, tears lingering on his cheeks. He swallowed hard as he took in his ‘dead’ Juliet, rushing to the ‘concrete’ dias where her body lay. Pulling Logan into his arms, he tried his hardest not to look directly at Logan’s face. He didn’t want to cause the other to crack up or break character. 

 Vowing that he would love Juliet and Juliet alone forever, Nate as Romeo took the colored-water ‘poison’ and began to choke. He shuddered and moved to lay beside his lover on the dias. He choked a few more times for good measure, causing students in the audience to laugh before he collapsed once more on the structure and closed his eyes.

 Nate did his very best to look dead. Considering that Nate was lazy by nature and often lounged around, and he was pretty certain Janus would happily tell him to his face he looked like a dead man walking, that was the easiest part of the play. 

 But what would come mere moments later… 

 Nate felt Logan shuffle on the dias, hearing him let out a yawn, signaling to the audience Juliet had woken from her drugged sleep. Unfortunately, Nate could not see what Logan was doing lest he break character but a moment later, he gasped. 

 Logan called for ‘Romeo’ but when Romeo did not rouse—though it was hard because Nate wanted nothing more than to reassure Logan how well he was doing—Juliet cried for her dead husband. 

 Nate felt a shift on the structure and then soft, gentle hands were taking hold of his face. He bit the part of his lower lip still hidden by his closed mouth to keep from grinning. He heard as Logan professed that he would kiss Romeo so that Juliet may be with him.

 Soft but firm lips pressed against his own. Nate couldn’t deny he definitely smiled into the kiss. He could also feel Logan smiling into it. 

 That was when it happened. 

 Logan cracked up laughing and Nate opened his eyes to chuckle as well. 

 “Well, hey there, Julie, baby.”

 “Oh my god, shut up.” Logan said through his laughing.

 Mr. Sanders joined them and laughed. 

 “That was really good… we’ll need to work on the laughing but otherwise… that practice was amazing, everyone! We’ll keep working on the blocking, but just keep running your lines and memorizing them. I think this is actually going to be really, really awesome!”

 Nate glanced at Logan, who was beaming at Mr. S’s praise. 

 He’s so pretty when he smiles. Janus is right. God, I have it bad.

“Yeah, just wait til half of us have to do it in dresses.”

 Nate snorted as he glanced at Janus, who was playing Rosaline. He had a point. Janus, Logan, and Virgil—not to mention a handful of other senior boys—would be wearing dresses for the show. 

 “And I have every faith that you will all rock them,” Mr. Sanders countered, which earned him a grin from Janus. 

 Janus leaned his arm on Remus’s shoulder and shrugged. 

 “I mean, you’re not wrong, Mr. S,” Janus agreed.

 “I know I’m not. Now, you all get out of here and have a great and relaxing night. Logan, that means you.”

 Nate glanced at Logan to see his crush blushing but grinning. Virgil spoke up. 

 “I’ll hold him to it, Mr. S.” 

 Thomas beamed at that. 

 “Good man, Virgil. Alright, see you all tomorrow.”

 Rehearsal ended for the night, Nate turned to Logan. 

 “So… I’m kinda hungry and I’m assuming we’re still on for kissing practice tonight?”

 Logan glanced at him and nodded. 

 “Then let me at the very least get you some dinner. It’s the least I can do after my dumb ass got exiled and you killed yourself over it.”

 “Nathan… it’s a play.”

 “You’re so right. It’s a total power play. You deserve better.”

 Logan snorted at that and hesitated before bringing up a fist to punch him lightly in the shoulder. 

 Nate feigned bodily injury, grabbing his arm. 

 “Oh. You got me. I’m dead.”

 He then pretended to die on the dias, eyes closed, tongue sticking out. 

 It wasn’t until warmth pressed against his cheek that he opened his eyes to see Logan pulling back, face flushed. It was obvious that Logan had just kissed his cheek and Nate, grinning, sat up to look at Logan. 

 Glancing around, he noticed that everyone else had left—well, mostly everyone. Virgil, Remus, Janus, and Patton were talking at the entrance to the backstage area. None of them were looking their way and so Nate, feeling confident, turned his attention back to Logan. 

 Before he could even open his mouth to ask Logan if he could kiss him, Logan claimed his mouth with his own. Nate’s eyes closed and he quickly returned the favor, a soft, happy sound escaping him. 

 Logan placed a hand on his chest as he slid closer, his other reaching up to grip at the little hairs at the back of Nate’s neck. Nate shivered but gasped, Logan quickly taking advantage of this and slipping his tongue inside. 

 Nate moaned, teasing along Logan’s tongue with his own as he kissed back desperately. 

 “Ooooooh,” Janus teased.

 Nate’s eyes opened wide as he and Logan both jumped from the kiss. He quickly glanced toward the backstage but no one was there and all sound of talking had ceased. He would have assumed that the others—seeing what he and Logan were up to—had left but he also knew Janus very well. 

 “That was…”

 “Satisfactory.”

 Nate laughed at that. “Yes, very, very, very satisfactory.”

 He held the other’s gaze and smiled. 

 “So… dinner?”

 Logan rolled his eyes. 

 “Very well. You’re paying.”

 “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan fidgeted with his keys in his pocket as he walked with Nate to the cafeteria. The nice thing about the school was that they had little restaurants in the cafeteria, a lot like they did in colleges, instead of what most public schools offered. Unfortunately, as they allowed the students to work there for a wage, Virgil would most definitely be present. 

 He sighed as he realized the long talk Virgil would want to have with him the moment he saw Logan with Nate, already feeling exhausted. 

 “What’s wrong?”

 Logan blinked up at the other. 

 “Huh? Oh, nothing,” Logan lied. It wasn’t a complete lie, per say. Logan was used to Virgil and he never minded talking with his friend. He just didn’t want to hear the ‘I told you so’ from his friend when Virgil realized he hadn’t been limiting the kissing practices as well as he could have. 

 Nate, looking doubtful, frowned. “You sure?”

 Logan laughed softly and nodded. “Yeah… just stressed out about the play but… somehow, I know it’s going to be okay.”

 Nate laughed at that. “That’s the attitude to have, scholar!” 

 Logan smiled, ignoring the slight twinge of guilt he felt at not being completely truthful. Then again, there was no way he could be truthful without informing Nate about how he felt about him, and Logan…

 He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

 Maybe it was selfish but, knowing that Nate would suddenly feel awkward and uncomfortable around him once he found out, Logan wanted to enjoy a little more time with him.

 Just the two of them.

 Just like this. 

 They reached the cafeteria and Logan followed Nate to the center of the room. Logan considered the options and was about to go order from where Virgil was working when Nate called out to him. 

 “My treat, so where we eating today?” 

 Logan nodded toward the little taco hut where Virgil stood now, watching them both. Nate, noticing Virgil for the first time, gave a start before grinning. 

 “Oh! Hey, Virgil. What’s up, dude?”

 He moved over to the little taco restaurant and offered his fist, which Virgil bumped but not before snorting and rolling his eyes first. As Logan joined them, Virgil spoke up, not taking his eyes from Logan’s gaze. 

 “Hey, losers. What brings you guys down? Logan, didn’t you say your plan was to do homework tonight?”

 He eyed Logan doggedly, which the intelligent student ignored, instead glancing at the menu though he already knew it by heart. 

 “Oh, that was my fault. After rehearsal I practically begged him to go get dinner with me because I am a sad, lonely guy.”

 Logan watched Virgil closely, surprised at the slight grin slipping onto his face at Nate’s words. 

 “You’re not bad, Lassus. Your brother though… he’s a dick and he still owes me 50 bucks. Now, what can I get you losers to eat?”

 Logan ordered what he always got: the taco plate. Nate, meanwhile, ordered a taco salad. Logan would have been slightly surprised as Nate had never pegged him as a good nutrition aficionado, but then the other asked for double meat and Logan could just sigh fondy and grin. 

 Nate tried to pay but Virgil completely ignored him. Food was placed on two trays and cups added afterward. 

 “On the house,” he said slowly, holding Nate’s gaze as if just trying to goad him into objecting. Nate seemed to realize this because he grinned and held up his hands. 

 “Okay, okay. I got the message.”

 “Finally,” Virgil mumbled but he was grinning ever so slightly. 

 Logan realized that, in his own way, Virgil was approving of Nate. Once Nate took his tray to go find a great table, Logan grinned when his best friend’s eyes met his. 

 “Thank you,” he mouthed. Virgil rolled his eyes but mouthed your welcome before waving in the direction Nate had gone. 

 “He’s not such a total waste of a human, I suppose,” Virgil said finally. “But Logan… if this is something you want… you really need to tell—”

 Logan sighed, cutting off yet another tirade. “I’m aware, V. I promise… I’ll tell him by the last performance.”

 Virgil groaned softly. “You really, really should tell him before that but… fine… look, L. You don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to but… I’m afraid that if you don’t, all of this is going to hurt you a lot more than you realize.”

 Logan wanted to disagree. Unfortunately, he was definitely not an expert on feelings and since Virgil was dating one of the two experts on feelings that they knew, he suspected Virgil likely picked up a few things. 

 “I vow to tell him before the start of our last performance at the latest.”

 “I’ll drink to that compromise… you know, if I had a drink.” He sighed wistfully but Logan knew it was all for the theatrics. Though Virgil would swear up and down that he was not dramatic, Logan—friends with three dramatic people—knew better. He could be just as dramatic as Roman when he wanted to be. 

 Logan grabbed his tray, thanked Virgil once more, and headed for the table on the far side of the large, open room. Virgil called back to him, wishing him good luck, causing Logan to smile softly. 

 Gray eyes sought out his...friend. Logan, ignoring the sudden feeling of sadness, pushed such thoughts out of his head. Sure, Nate would never be his boyfriend, but it was clear he wanted to be friends. Logan would not be the kind of person who couldn’t be friends with someone who did not want to date him. 

 Nate waved his arms wildly, chuckling when Logan’s eyes met his and he corrected his course for Nate’s table. He reached him quickly enough, snorting when Nate tugged him gently to sit next to him, rather than across from him. 

 Logan had expected Nate to talk to him then but, as he quickly learned, Nate was very much an eat-now-talk-after kind of guy. 

 Laughing softly, Logan started to dig in as well. 

 »»————　♞　————««

 Nate had eaten about half his food when he turned to Logan. 

 "I don't know about you but kissing sure does work up an appetite." His grin was flirty and eager. 

 Logan blushed and nodded. 

 "Interestingly enough, I have found that as well," Logan said. "I, too, am quite famished."

 He continued to eat as Nate became preoccupied with stuffing his face once more. 

 "Mmmm."

 Nate looked up at the sound of laughter. Logan was watching him eat, amusement in his gray gaze.

 "Adequate to your taste buds?" Logan asked with another laugh. 

 Nate looked at him and answered, a bit of food still in his mouth. 

 "Beyond adequate," he moaned. "Thank Virgil again for me later." 

 Logan laughed. 

 "Will do."

 They fell into companionable silence once more, Nate glancing at Logan every so often. Every other time he glanced, he caught Logan's gaze and both of them blushed before looking away. 

 Huh.

 Wasn't that interesting. 

 Deciding he needed more time to consider the new development, Nate cleared his throat. 

 "So… what new book are you reading? I just picked up this great Agatha Christie novel that I'm sure you've read already but it's so good."

 Logan blinked. He looked confused and even said as much. 

 "How do you know I read Agatha Christie novels?"

 Nate laughed at that. Looking fondly at Logan, he smiled. "Scholar. You've been reading those books since we all started here. I noticed them and started reading a few myself."

 Logan’s brows rose and while he didn't say anything, Nate knew exactly what that look was for. 

 "Yes. I read. Shocker, right?"

 Logan's expression took on an apologetic sort of look and Nate laughed. 

 "No no. You're fine, cutie. I'm used to people being surprised. In their defense and yours, I don't read a lot. But I can and do read."

 Logan nodded, a grin slipping onto his face as he turned to look at him better, leaning in eagerly. 

 "So which book is it that you're reading?"

 "Death on the Nile."

 Logan nodded with a grin. 

 "That one is very good but my favorite will always be—"

 "The Murder of Roger Ackroyd," Nate finished for him with a warm smile. 

 Logan blinked. He stared at Nate for a few moments, questions in those gray eyes. Nate was worried that maybe he had said too much. 

 Maybe Logan realized that Nate really liked him and now it was going to be awkward because Logan didn't feel the same. 

 And then Logan blushed and nodded. A soft smile slipped onto his face.

 "Precisely."

 Nate grinned as the slight charge between them in that moment settled. He didn't know what had happened but it hadn't sent Logan running and he considered that a win on his part. 

 They finished dinner and said their goodbyes to Virgil before heading out of the cafeteria for Nate’s dorm. 

 »»————　🕶️　————««

 Logan was quiet on the walk to Nate’s dorm room. He knew that Nate had to be wondering at his silence but he couldn’t bring himself to speak just yet. 

 The reason for his silence...

 There had been a moment while eating with Nate that had opened his eyes to knowledge he hadn’t been aware he had lacked. 

 Logan didn’t know how he knew it but the moment Nate supplied Logan’s favorite Agatha Christie novel as fact and not a guess had been very telling and Logan was almost certain that Nate liked him. A lot. 

 Perhaps even as much as Logan liked Nate. 

 Just tell him! You know he likes you now! Tell him!

 He knew that his more logical side was right. At this point, with such a high probability of his feelings being reciprocated, the logical course of action would be to tell him. 

 And yet, Logan couldn’t. 

 He couldn’t even give a logical explanation as to why, which frustrated him more than anything. It just didn’t feel like the right time. Or the right place. 

 Logan chewed his lip. 

 He really hated relying on his feelings. 

 “Hey… half-dollar for your thoughts?”

 Logan blinked up at the other. He seemed nervous. Logan smiled at him. 

 “I’m certain the expression is ‘penny for your thoughts’.”

 Nate grinned at that, seeming to relax once more. 

 “Yeah, well. Pennies are practically worthless these days and I think more highly of the things that come out of your beautiful brain.”

 Logan blushed at that and cleared his throat. 

 “Just have a lot on my mind.”

 Nate nodded, falling silent once more. 

 Logan bit his lip before moving a little closer to the other. He tapped him with his elbow in a playful manner he’d seen Virgil do with Patton. It seemed to work because Nate grinned down at him like the sun. 

 “Hey.”

 Logan wanted to make up for the silence and since he couldn’t tell him everything… not yet...Logan said the first thing he could think of. 

 “I can’t wait for practice.”

 Then he blushed as he realized the implications of this. Nate looked at him in surprise, a slight flush to his cheeks as he slowly grinned. 

 “Uh oh…”

 Logan raised a brow. He hadn’t expected that reaction. “What?”

 “Looks like someone has an addiction to kisses.”

 Logan blushed but rolled his eyes. 

 “You are what my friend Roman would call ‘an absolute dork’.”

 Nate snorted. 

 “Roman Prince? Not surprised that’s his idea of an insult but, well, you're not wrong.”

 Logan grinned, pleased to feel the air around them grow comfortable once more. 

 “But… I concede that, perhaps, you are not wrong as well.”

 Nate grinned at him. 

 “About what?” he pressed. Logan glared at him. Nate took on a look of innocence. “I merely want to be clear about what part of what I said was not wrong.”

 Logan knew that wasn’t the case. Nate wanted to hear him say it. He decided that since he couldn’t outright tell him how he felt, the least he could do was tell him what he wanted to hear. 

 It was true, after all. 

 “I am… addicted to kisses.”

 He blushed far deeper than he expected to confess that out loud. He stopped and quickly hid his face in his hands. Nate must have glanced back and noticed he had stopped before quickly returning to him. 

 “Awww. No, no… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you… I was just teasing. Can I… can I hug you?”

 Logan nodded but did not remove his hands from his burning face. He felt as strong arms embraced him. He stayed like that, feeling safe and secure in his arms. At some point, he pulled his hands away to press his face into the other’s chest, his own arms wrapping tentatively around the taller teen’s middle. 

 “How’s that? Better, cutie?” 

 Logan nodded, trying to ignore how warm the nickname made him.

 “Do you want to postpone the practice? If you need to, then that’s totally—”

 “No!”

 Nate blinked down at the other in surprise. Logan could see that his reaction had been a bit too passionate considering Nate had no idea how he felt about him.

 “I mean, no… I very much would like to keep on schedule.” 

 Nate slowly grinned. 

 “Then what better time to start… Can I kiss you right here, Logan? Right now?”

 Logan had a feeling Nate was expecting him to laugh and playfully punch him before they continued on their course for his room. 

 That was not what happened. 

 Logan moved his arms from around him. He then threw himself at Nate, wrapping his arms around his neck, as he kissed him. Hard. 

 Nate’s eyes widened but soon fluttered closed as he tightened his hold on the slighter teen, kissing back as desperately as Logan kissed him. 

 When they finally pulled away—it was with some difficulty breathing, Logan couldn’t deny—he swallowed hard and held the other’s gaze. Nate’s gaze was curious.

 “Nate…” Logan said slowly. He saw the slight surprise on the other’s face. Logan had never called him Nate before.

 “Logan…” 

 Logan hesitated. He very much needed to tell Nate or he would always be wondering ‘what if’? As a scientific minded individual, what ifs were only useful if the question was answered. Logan needed some answers.

 “Can we… can we go somewhere quiet… your room is fine… but just somewhere with not a lot of people… please?”

 Nate, obviously confused, nodded.

 “Yeah… we’re almost to my room anyway. Come on.”

 Logan’s insides churned and tumbled as he walked at Nate’s side. He honestly had no idea what had possessed him to almost tell Nate how he felt… outside. 

 That… that definitely was not the place for such intimate talks such as that. No. One should take the person of their affections, ask to speak with them in private, and only for their ears, share what was in their heart. 

 Logan nearly made a face. 

 When had he become so sentimental?

 He glanced up at Nate and slowly, a fond smile slipped over his lips. 

 Oh, yeah. Right.

 They reached Nate’s dorm room soon after, Nate holding up a finger before walking inside, signaling Logan to wait. Logan, considering himself fairly intelligent, was sure Nate wanted to make certain Janus (and by proxy, Remus) was not around. 

 He waited as patiently as he could, rubbing his fingers against his jeans in a comforting manner. Soon enough, though it felt a lot longer to Logan, Nate returned and held the door for him. 

 “Come on in, scholar.”

 Logan did just that, almost jumping at the click of the door as Nate closed it behind them. He then led Logan into the room, making his way to the bed and taking a seat. He patted the space next to him. Logan took a deep breath, crossed the room to the bed, and took the offered seat. 

 He quickly turned to Nate just as Nate turned toward him. 

 “Logan, there’s something I need to tell you,” Nate said at the exact same time Logan said, “Nate, there’s something I wish to tell you.”

 Both of them broke out laughing, their faces flushed, gazes vulnerable. 

 Nate cleared his throat and held out his hands, palms up, to Logan. 

 “May I?” he asked, voice low. Logan nodded, placing his hands into Nate’s.

 Nate, dark eyes locked with Logan’s, bit his lip before smiling. 

 “That’s better… now… I’m sorry for jumping the gun. You… you go first.”

 Logan wanted to refuse or insist Nate go, but he decided that that wasn’t fair to Nate. He had been the one asking to talk. He should go first.

 He nodded. 

 Taking a deep breath, Logan for the first time in his life ignored his mind and spoke from his heart.

 »»————　♞　————««

 Nate squeezed Logan’s hands as the other seemed to search for the courage needed to say what he had to. 

 Nate knew what he hoped Logan wanted to say. He hoped more than anything that Logan had come to realize that he liked Nate too. But, that could just as easily not be what Logan wanted to tell him. Maybe he had noticed that Nate liked him and was being respectful, letting him down in private. 

 Maybe he just wanted to be friends. 

 Nate could live with that. It would hurt for a while, but he could deal. 

 As long as it wasn’t Logan never wanting to see him again, Nate could live with whatever it was the other was about to tell him. He sighed inwardly and instead focused on Logan. 

 Logan, who was struggling. 

 Nate squeezed his hands again. 

 “Hey,” he said and waited until Logan’s eyes met his. “Whatever it is, you won’t scare me away.” He paused. “Unless you dress up as a clown on the weekend… then I’d say my loyalty is questionable…”

 Logan laughed at that and it seemed to be the reassurance he needed. He cleared his throat and Nate leaned in subconsciously.

 “... You were correct earlier… when you said I was addicted to kisses… I am very much addicted to kisses…” 

 He glanced down at their hands and seemed to consider what to say next. Nate watched him closely, mesmerized by him. 

 “I am addicted to your kisses, Nate…”

 Nate blushed and a big grin slipped onto his face as it hit him. 

 Logan liked him. And Nate was him. Nate. Logan liked Nate. 

 “Are you saying-?!!”

 Logan laughed at that and nodded, blushing a little himself. 

 “I like you, Nate. I have for a very long time.”

 Nate whistled and shook his head. 

 “Well, that just sucks because I’ve liked you for a very long time too. Since we first met, now that I think about it. It feels like we’ve missed out on so much time.”

 Logan blinked at the remark and nodded a second later when it registered what Nate meant.

 “It does. But we’re here now… together...”

 Nate beamed and his excitement soon morphed into unbridled adoration. 

 “Be my Juliet… but alive… and forever?”

 Logan snorted. “There are so many things wrong with that question, Nate, but I like you, so I forgive you. I will be your boyfriend, though, if that would be agreeable with—”

 “Yes! So freaking agreeable! Totally agreeable!”

 Nate watched in wonder as Logan laughed, not holding back, his gray eyes full of happiness and fondness as he looked upon Nate. He couldn’t keep from surging forward and claiming Logan’s lips with his own. 

 Logan relaxed into the kiss with ease, his arms wrapping around Nate’s neck like they’d never stopped. Nate moaned into the kiss as Logan kissed back eagerly, sounds of enjoyment escaping him as well. 

 When they broke for air, Nate nuzzled into Logan’s hair with his nose before pressing a kiss to his temple. 

 “Boyfriend,” he said, overjoyed to use the title for Logan. 

 Logan rolled his eyes, blushing. “Dork.”

 Nate brought a hand to his heart as if he had been hurt. He then swooned and ‘collapsed’ upon his bed. Logan laughed and then shifted to hover over him. 

 “Let’s keep this between us… just until after the play… Virgil has been trying to get me to tell you forever and I really do not need to deal with any I told you so’s… and maybe, I also would not mind keeping you to myself for a little bit longer.”

 Nate snorted. “Oh. You can always have me to yourself. I don’t mind picking Janus up by the collar and tossing him out if need be… uh, but maybe don’t quote me on that. Still, keeping up a ruse sounds fun. I’m in.”

 Logan smiled down at him and Nate brought a hand up to frame his face, guiding him down to kiss him.

 If they got lost in the kisses and each other, neither minded in the slightest.

-----------------------------------------------

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Thomas Sanders or Joan, nor the rest of their group. I do not own or make money off of these characters. I only own the story as it is written.

Super uber thanks to my beta reader for this fic @superweebside​ and the two that preread my stuff to make sure its up to par: @romantichopelessly & @sunshineandteddybears.

[nelapanela94]

Hi!

Levi X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of drugs, abortion, and swearing.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Y/N and Levi had been dating for a year. At the beginning, they had managed to keep their relationship a secret, but one evening, Hange caught them in the captain’s office making out. Y/N sitting on Levi’s lap and their shirts partially unbuttoned. They let out a deep sigh as Hange excitedly ran across the hallway shouting “You all owe me, it’s time to pay”. And it didn’t take long for the rest of the scouts to learn about the two.

Some people found them adorable; and others, who used to flirt with Y/N and send little presents to her, took their distance afraid that Levi might kill them with a glare. Despite their relationship was not a secret any longer, PDA was kept to a minimum. They would walk with their pinkies intertwined, caress their thighs under the table and stealing kisses when nobody was looking. Nonetheless, behind closed doors they couldn’t stay away from each other. Even when Levi was occupied with paperwork late at night, he would allow Y/N to sit on his lap and rest her head on his shoulder.

Everything seemed lovely and perfect, but lately Y/N had been distant to the black- haired captain. Even though she promised she was fine, he sensed the tint of distress in her eyes and voice.

Doesn’t she love me anymore? Is she getting bored of me?

Sometimes, Levi overthought about his relationship with Y/N and gave in into his unfounded insecurities, wondering about what Y/N saw in him in first place. Y/N was a sunbeam, with a caring and approachable personality, she was popular among the scouts. On top of that, she was born into a merchant’s family from Stohess District. Her parents, naturally, expected her to marry another merch’s son in order to expand the business.

At the other end of the spectrum was Levi. An ill-mannered, unapproachable man from the Underground City, without a family name, and last but not least, a former thug.

“Levi, you’re the only one I want” She always reassured him with a bright smile. Yet he felt he didn’t deserve her. What life could he offered? She was raised surrounded luxurious goods, expensive clothing and jewelry, never worrying about how to earn the next meal. He could not give her the life she was used to.

You’re the only one I want. Nobody else. They’re not like you. They’re not you.

Behind that stoic demeanor laid an insecure boy who was afraid of not being enough. Perhaps, that is why Kenny abandoned him back then.

Moreover, he was deadly terrified of losing Y/N. He had lost important people in his life, his mother, his closest friends, comrades, but the mere thought of losing Y/N drove him crazy.

A knock on the door disseminated his thoughts.

“It’s me Levi” Y/N slowly opened the door and came in.

“I need to tell you something” they said in unison.

“You first” She stood in front of his desk.

“You”

“You, Levi” He sighed and gave up. Arguing with her would not take it anywhere.

“Do you believe... I mean” he gulped. Why does he have to stutter when it came to her? “Do you think this... we... you and I are going somewhere?”

She raised a brow. “Will you take me on vacations?”

Levi inwardly facepalmed.

“I mean, do you see a future with you and I … together?” The last word trailed.

“What’s with that question? Of course, I do, you silly”

“What about your family? I doubt they want a former thug married to their daughter”

“Well, I can’t care less” She shrugged. “If I have to give up my inheritance, I’ll do it without a second thought” She frowned. “You know you’re the one I want” She leaned and pinched his nose.

“I don’t want you to suffer because of me” he stood up from his chair. “I can’t give you the life you deserve. Not now”

“Hold on” She shook the head and frowned. “What concept do you have of me? A spoiled brat who’ll make a tantrum for not getting a new pair of shoes? Or that I’m only with you to spare time before my parents choose the perfect suitor for me?” Tears of anger and disappointment formed in her eyes. “That’s low”

“That’s not what I meant...”

Damn.

“Levi, if you want to break up with me for your stupid, unjustified insecurities, do it then” She rubbed her eyes, and restrained from throwing a punch onto his face. “One more request before I leave. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me”

Levi’s eyes held her gaze. It was intensed, but not a single word came out of his mouth.

“Alright” she sobbed. “I don’t need a coward next to me” She turned around and headed towards the door.

“Oi! Wait! What was it? What you had to tell me” his voice was about to crack.

“It has nothing to do with you now” She replied and closed the door behind her. She sped up to her quarters, covering her mouth with both hands, hence nobody could hear her sobbing.

Levi was left agape, his jaw quivering and his gaze still glued to the door. His eyes were teary and red. He clenched his fists and cursed himself for being a jerk.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

“Hey, go get some rest Y/N” Moblit said with concern.

“I’m almost done, it’s alright”

Y/N was working with Moblit in the lab, transcribing the most recent findings of one of Hange’s investigations. “You have a nice handwriting”

“Thanks” she smiled. “Well, no one here can top your drawings. I guess we make a good team” she chuckled.

“You could’ve taken more days”

“No, it’d been a week and I was already missing the scouts. Besides, my family is quite suffocating”

Y/N had taken a leave due to appendicitis a week after her breakup. Shadis didn’t want her on the field until fully recovered; therefore, she was assigned to office work meanwhile. And about Levi, they avoided each other. He would take the longest path to his office, and she would sit at the furthest table during dinner.

They couldn’t be more immature.

Y/N grumbled when Commander Shadis ordered her to join Levi’s squad to capture a titan for Hange’s research. Of all available cadets, it had to be her. It wasn’t a difficult task; thus, it wouldn’t take long.

Nevertheless, things didn’t go as planned. Y/N had made a single mistake that almost led the operation into a tragedy. But Levi was there and saved her.

She woke up in the infirmary. Her abdomen was wrapped in bandages, and she whined when she sat up, resting her back against the headboard.

Levi came in minutes later, and judging by the expression on his face, he was far from content.

“What the hell was that?” He sternly demanded.

“Don’t be loud” She groaned, covering her ears.

“You almost fuck it up. Not even a rookie would have made such mistake”

“Sorry” she rolled the eyes. “Why did you come back to save me then? If you wanted me out of your life, you could’ve gotten rid of me for good” She nonchalantly shrugged.

“What’s wrong with you, Y/N?" His brows furrowed. "You're not the same since you came back from your leave”

“My boyfriend dumped me, is it a valid reason?”

Levi grunted. “you’re into opioids because you’re heartbroken?” he approached her bed and drew a small container out of his uniform pocket. Y/N’s eyes wide opened, then scowled.

Busted.

“Were you sneaking in my room?” She was cold sweating.

“You were too suspicious lately, Y/N. Sneaking out of the headquarters at night, being lethargic and tired during the day.  And don’t get me started with your irritability. I had to follow you”

“Why?”

“Because I still care about you” he confessed, averting the eyes.

“Well, I don’t need you to take care of me” She crossed the arms over the chest, and bit the inside of her cheek.

He took a seat at the edge of the bed. “I won’t tell anyone about this shit.” He put the container back in the pocket. “I just want to know why” His eyes displayed his concern.

“You’ll despise me if I tell you” She looked away.

“It can’t be that bad”

“Believe me, It can. I...” her eyes became watery. “I made a terrible decision Levi, and I just wanted to forget” Her voice trembled.

“You can trust me” He placed his hand on hers.

“Levi” She began. “You don’t have to forgive me. You can hate me. Kick me off wall Rose without gear if you feel like”

“What is it?” He was growing impatient.

“That day, at your office I... I stopped by because I had big news for you” She gulped. “I was dead scared to drop that bomb, but the matter involved the two of us” Heavy tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked up at his steel gray eyes. “I was... I was expecting, six weeks according to the midwife” His eyes went wide. “The appendicitis wasn’t appendicitis. One of the cadets knew someone in Trost who could help me out” Levi couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. A churn feeling invaded his chest, and the pressure made it hard to breath. “I was so angry and hurt I didn’t think twice” She burst into tears. “I was alone and scared. And I still regret it.”

He moved closer and hugged her tight. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, soaking his shirt with tears.

“I’ve been tormented by what it could’ve been. You and I and...”

“Shhh... don’t say it” He caressed her hair.

“I was too scared, Levi. I didn’t picture myself as a single mother and my parents would’ve turned their back against me. Then, guilt was eating my soul; I needed the fastest way to forget”

She didn’t want to see his face. She knew his heart was screaming out in pain, disappointment and ire.

Levi could not blame Y/N, though.

Maybe if he had let her talk first, if he hadn’t been that coward, the story would have been different. He also felt a hint of guilt within himself.

“In my brain, I knew it wasn’t the right moment. In my heart, however, I started imagining and dreaming about what could’ve been”

“Stop tormenting yourself, it won’t change anything” He whispered. He pulled apart and placed a hand on her cheek. “I can’t forgive you because there’s nothing to forgive. I’m not going to lie, it hurts, but I can’t blame you.”

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

“Mine” Levi growled leaning over, resting his forehead on Y/N's.

“Mine” She whispered.

He pulled off of her with a groan. She laid on his bed, drained and exhausted. Levi settled next to her, both panting, staring up at the ceiling.

“I missed you” She managed to say, still recovering her breath. He took her hand, interlacing their fingers, and placed soft kisses on the knuckles.

“I missed you, too”

“I received a letter from my parents. They want to meet you”

“Do they?”

“Yup! And don’t worry, they’ll like you. Besides, my little brother looks up to you”

She rolled on her side and placed a kiss on his cheek.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Gracias, Arigatou!

[duhragonball]

Battle Tendency Liveblog: JJBA Ch. 105-108

“Master Kars has taken a fighting stance!   I... I wasn’t expecting tongue...”

Hey, remember Wammu?   Well, he’s dead now, so the only Pillar Man left to worry about is the leader, Kars.  His army of vampire slaves don’t like this, so they try to bumrush our heroes, but Lisa kills a few of them, then threatens to destroy the Red Stone of Aja unless Kars honors their agreement. 

And Kars is cool with that.   He only took off his headdress and exposed his antennae to prepare for the next one-on-one fight.   He then kills his unruly henchmen to prove that they don’t speak for him.  Moreover, Kars is now willing to fight Lisa Lisa.   Earlier, he said that he didn’t like fighting women, but now that he’s seen her in action, he’s on board with the idea.

But he doesn’t want to fight in Skeleton Heel Stone, where Joseph and Wammu squared off.   Instead, he chooses the Piza Berlina Temple, right next door to the S.H.S.  Apparently, after a hard day of chariot racing, the winners used to come here to worship their gods and drink the blood of the losers. 

It’s weird to me that Kars and Wammu should be so familiar with this place, and carry such an abiding respect for it.   I mean, they’ve viewed ordinary 20th Century humans with utter contempt, dismissing them as backwards primitives.   Santana disassembled a German rifle like it was easy, and he’s supposed to be the big dummy in the Pillar Men.   That’s how little they think of 1938 technology and civilization.   The Hamon users in this story only get a bit of respect because they‘ve become worthy adversaries. 

And yet, the Pillar Men seem to be a lot more respectful towards ancient humanity.   Esidisi knew the writings of Sun Tzu, if not the man himself.   You’d think he’d just ignore or devour Sun Tzu sooner than look at him.   And you’d think Wammu would have wanted to fight in the traditions of his own culture, but instead he’s all into this ancient human racetrack.    It can’t be because it’s old.   Compared to Wammu, it’s positively brand new.  

On the other hand, these guys are the last of their kind, as we’ll learn in a few chapters.   Human culture is the only kind the Pillar Men have gotten to see, and it’s been that way for about a hundred centuries now.   If Esidisi wants to read a book, he’s pretty much going to have to tolerate human authors, because that’s all that’s left.   And if Wammu wants to admire a sporting arena, he’s stuck with places like these, built by those pesky “primitives”.  

Joseph asks Lisa to let him fight Kars instead, since he’s still worried about her being a woman.   Also, he believes Kars is weaker than Wammu, so he should be able to defeat him.   But Lisa insists on handling this, and she strips down to this circus outfit.    That sounds like I’m making fun of it, but I’m not.   It looks pretty badass, but also period-appropriate. 

The fight is very short.  Kars pulls some sort of disappearing act, then emerges from one of the stone surfaces of the temple, trying to slash at Lisa from behind with his blades.    But Lisa has it scouted, and she wraps her silk scarf around Kars’ arm, charges it with Hamon, and kills him, wham, bam, thank you ma’am.  

And then the real Kars emerges from the same stone, and stabs Lisa in the back.   Somehow, Kars disguised one of his vampire minions to look just like him, right down to the blades in his arms, and sent that flunky out as a distraction.    It’s a cheap trick, and a complete 180 from the honor displayed by Wammu in the previous fight.  Kars doesn’t care.   He doesn’t care about dishonoring Wammu’s memory, nor does he care about breaking his word.   The only thing Kars cares about is getting the Red Stone of Aja, and now he has it. 

Unfortunately, this takes Lisa Lisa out of action for the rest of the story.  Kars hasn’t killed her, but she’s too badly hurt to do anything from here.   That kind of sucks, because Lisa’s such a cool character.   A friend of mine once complained that Lisa got a raw deal in Part 2, and we should have gotten to see her get a big fight, on par with Joseph vs. Esidisi, or Caesar vs. Wammu.   I can’t really disagree with the sentiment. 

However, I have a hard time figuring out how such a fight could have been worked into the story.   She couldn’t beat Kars, for Pete’s sake.   He’s the final boss of Part 2, so it sort of falls to Joseph to do the honors.  And she couldn’t beat Wammu or Esidisi, because Joseph was the one who needed the antidote to their poison rings.  Lisa could have lost to either of them--the way Caesar lost to Wammu-- except she’d have to die, which would spoil the big reveal of her origin story.

So maybe there needed to be an extra Pillar Man in the cast?   Not Santana, because he’s too weak, but maybe Kars’ group has a fourth guy named Talqingedz or whatever.  So Lisa Lisa could mop the floor with that dude... and then what?    Would it really carry any dramatic weight for her to defeat a guy like that?  A Pillar Man so ancillary to the story that the plot would flow just as well without him?    When you get down to it, Lisa Lisa’s dream opponent for Part 2 just ends up looking like Wired Beck, a random jobber presented solely to establish her credibility as a fighter.   And we already got Lisa vs. Wired Beck, and clearly that wasn’t satisfying enough.   So Lisa Lisa vs. a Pillar Man probably wouldn’t have been much of an improvement.  

Nonetheless, I think it’s a valid criticism of Battle Tendency.  You come out of this story wishing we could have seen more of Lisa Lisa in action, and we just aren’t going to get it.   But the root of the problem isn’t that she didn’t get to fight more, it’s that she was presented as a fighter when that really wasn’t her role in the story.   She’s a teacher, training Joseph and Caesar in the ways of the Ripple, but more importantly, she’s an enigma.  Who is she?   What’s her connection to the Joestars?  To Straizo?   To Caesar?   Where did she get the Red Stone of Aja?   And so on.  

Her Ripple mastery makes her one of the strongest fighters on the board, but that’s just another piece of the puzzle.   I think there was a profile of Lisa Lisa in the manga that said her Ripple was three times stronger than Joseph’s.   But we never get to see it demonstrated, because that’s not the point.  We’re just supposed to wonder who this lady is and how she got so powerful, and where has she been this whole time.    I think this is also why everyone keeps writing her off as a woman.   It’s not just chauvanism, it’s intended to keep the reader off-balance.  One minute Joseph and the Pillar Men are respecting her power, and the next minute they’re dismissing her.    It keeps you guessing. 

I suspect this is one reason why Araki dealt Lisa Lisa such an inglorious defeat here.   Could Lisa have defeated Kars in a fair fight?   Yeah, I think she could.   But if she cleaned his clock, it would defeat the mystique of the character.   The same is true if Lisa lost to Kars in a fair fight.  We’d say “Oh, okay, she wasn’t quite as strong as Joseph, so that’s that.” 

Now, the other major reason for Kars to defeat Lisa Lisa like this is to demonstrate Kars’ main character trait.   He only cares about achieving his objective.   Wammu had his warrior code, and Esidisi had his devotion to his comrades, but Kars has only himself and his goals.   He had Lisa and Joseph cornered in the abandoned hotel, but they didn’t have the Aja Stone on them.   Lisa made that bluff about a bomb, and then proposed this contest to settle things.   Kars agreed, but not because he had any intention of honoring the agreement.  He just let things play out because he knew Joseph would bring the Stone to the battlefield, and even if Wammu lost, he would still have all of these vampires to back him up.  

That’s how Kars was able to defeat Lisa.   He used Wammu’s own honor to lull Lisa into a false sense of security.   After seeing how noble Wammu was in defeat, and how gracious Kars was in disciplining his vampires, she began to believe that Kars would fight her fairly.     That was Kars’ plan all along.   Once he had her isolated on the temple, with the Red Stone of Aja on her person, he made his play.    It’s dirty pool, but it worked, and that’s all Kars cares about. 

This makes Joseph super-duper pissed, but what’s he gonna do about it?   He’s way down there on the ground, surrounded by vampires, and his Ripple is weak from the fight with Wammu.    So now Kars can just watch from a safe vantage while his henchmen tie up the last loose end.  

But then, the Nazis show up, led by Stroheim, complete with a repaired cyborg body.  And Speedwagon and Smokey are here too, along with a fighting contingent of the Speedwagon Foundation.   And they came prepared too!  Everybody’s armed with UV emitters.   To be sure, ultraviolet lamps haven’t worked so well against the Pillar Men, but against ordinary vampires, they seem to do the job quite nicely.   

So while they clean house, Joseph climbs up to where Kars and Lisa are, and he’s ready to throw down.   Joseph has plenty of harsh words for Kars’ dirty tactics, but Kars doesn’t care.   This has all been a chess game to him.   The Ripple Clan, the vampires, even Wammu and Esidisi, they were all just pieces on a board, maneuvered and arranged until he could secure a path to victory with minimal risk.  

See, that’s the other thing about Lisa Lisa.   It’s very subtly expressed here, but Kars was clearly very worried about her.   He knew Joseph was a threat because he killed Esidisi, but he knew he could use Wammu to wear Joseph down.   But Lisa Lisa is even more powerful and experienced than Joseph, and she’s shrewd enough to destroy the Stone if cornered.    He knew he couldn’t beat her at her own game, so he let her think she was playing her own game in order to set her up for that sneak attack.   If Kars hadn’t done that, he’d be dead by now, or the Stone would be lost or destroyed.  

Likewise, I’m not sure Kars is confident about a fair fight with Joseph, even though he’s tired from fighting Wammu.  I mean, you’d think he’d just charge Joseph and cut his head off if he could, but instead he lures him into another trap.    Before Joseph got up here, Kars tied Lisa’s feet to a rope.    He made sure not to kill her, but only so he could use her as a hostage.   Kars tosses Lisa down, and Joseph has to grab the rope to keep her from falling to her death.

And the whole point of that was to keep Joseph standing still.   He can’t let go of the rope, so he’s in no position to defend himself.   Now Kars can just walk right up to him and kill him at his leisure.   As far as Kars is concerned, this is what fighting is all about.   Not a test of strength and skill like Wammu’s ideal, but the achievement of victory at minimal risk.  

And this is where we see Joseph exceed Lisa Lisa.  They both got suckered into Kars’ traps, but Lisa doesn’t have Joseph’s penchant for trickery and quick thinking.    She’s got more Ripple power, sure, but that doesn’t matter against a guy like Kars.   I’m starting to get the impression that Kars is a lot weaker than Wammu, since he fights so conservatively in this story.   He may not be able to afford to fight Joseph in any other way.   

So how in the hell can Joseph get out of this one?   Well, first he tries to kick Kars to keep him away.   Kars just cuts his leg, along with a section of rope that was in the way.   Joseph’s Ripple is so weak that the kick did nothing. 

Then Joseph sets his own scarf on fire and talks about how he has a plan, and it’s so awesome that he can make this work before the flames reach his body.    Kars thinks this is just desperate posturing, and all Joseph seems to do is swing away.    Kars thinks he’s trying to get some distance so he can recover his Hamon energy.

Then Kars cuts the rope, since Joseph won’t stand still and get murdered.   

And it backfires, because Joseph did more tricky rope tricks!   Hermit Purple, bitch!

Basically, that very first bit, where Joseph tried to kick him, even then, Joseph had a plan.    He got Kars to cut a section of rope, which he then used to tie his own leg to the rope holding Lisa Lisa.   Then he goaded Kars into cutting the rope so Lisa would fall, not realizing that Joseph had her secured with his other rope.   Also, that other rope got caught on Kars’ own foot.   It’s complicated. 

Oh, wait, I forgot to talk about chess.   Okay, so earlier, Kars was gloating about using Lisa as a pawn to achieve checkmate.   It’s a good analogy, but I’m pretty sure chess was invented within the last 2000 years.   In other words, Kars literally slept through the entire history of the game.   So for him to be talking about it now, I have to assume he learned about chess during that month while Joseph was training.   That kind of sucks.   Esidisi and Wammu were running around trying to find the Red Stone of Aja, and Kars was probably chilling out in Switzerland playing chess and drinking hot cocoa all night.   Wotta heel.

Then Joseph pulls himself back up with his scarf and uses Overdrive against Kars’ blade.  Joseph’s Ripple is so strong that he just powers right through, destroying the blade on Kars’ arm like it’s no big deal.  That’s interesting, because when Joseph first saw Kars’ blades, he worried that he wouldn’t be able to block them, and now it’s Kars who wasn’t strong enough to block. 

Maybe “Light Mode” was more of an illusion than a genuine power?  I mean, the blades are super-sharp, but I never understood what difference it made for them to be all sparkly, unless it’s a psychological trick to demoralize the enemy.   It definitely worked on Stroheim, and it worked on Joseph for a while, but I don’t think Joseph’s gotten that much stronger since their last encounter.   

Anyway, the Ripple worked, and Kars’ entire arm explodes.   Yeah!  Then he falls off the temple, and Joseph loosens the rope to help him on his way down.    Cool!  Then Kars lands on a bunch of spiky rocks, the same gruesome fate he intended for Lisa Lisa.   Yeah, how’s that taste, Kars?   You loincloth-wearin’ piece of crap?  

So... yeah, we won!  Great job everyone!  Except for the Nazis, they can all go fuck off and die in a fire.   Smokey’s feeling a lot better about everything, so he asks Speedwagon about Lisa Lisa.   See, earlier, Lisa revealed to Joseph that she was the baby that Erina rescued at the end of Phantom Blood.   But Erina told Smokey about the same baby back in New York, and Smokey knows that Lisa Lisa is Joseph’s mother.  

Except, Erina told Joseph that his mother died of a disease when he was a baby, so how can Lisa be alive and a Ripple Master?   Speedwagon agrees to explain, since Smokey took care of Erina while he was away, but he insists that Smokey not reveal any of this to Joseph, because it’s Joestar family business.  

I hadn’t really considered it until now, but this is the first time we’ve seen Smokey and Speedwagon interact so far.   They’ve gotten to know each other off-panel, and they seem to have a bond over their shared respect for the Joestars, so it lulled me into thinking they’ve appeared together before this.    Anyway...

The origin of Lisa Lisa isn’t all that complicated, actually.   She was raised by Straizo and became a Ripple warrior, while Jonathan and Erina’s son, George Joestar II, joined the British Air Force in World War I.   George and Lisa fell in love, married, and had a baby, Joseph.  

The catch is that there was one last zombie from Phantom Blood.   Speedwagon and Straizo thought they got all of Dio’s zombies, but one of them was very clever and managed to stay hidden.    He just made sure to eat his victims’ entire body, so as not to leave any physical evidence.   Also, he faked a disability to excuse himself from any daylight activities.    By the 1910′s, he had successfully infiltrated the RAF as a Major.  

So George learned of this, because he knew all the Phantom Blood lore from his wife and mother.    But George never had any Ripple abilities himself.   He may have had the potential for it, but he was never trained, and I guess he didn’t develop it naturally, the way Joseph did.  

So he tried to gather evidence to expose the zombie Major, but his plan backfired and the zombie killed him instead, then covered up George’s death by reporting it as a plane crash.    Speedwagon and Straizo investigated this, but before they could act...

Lisa got wind of it and took matters into her own hands.  She killed the zombie major, but she did it in front of another officer.   The authorities knew nothing of zombies or Stone Masks, so they just thought she murdered an RAF officer in cold blood.    So she had to leave Britian as a fugitive, and she’s been living in exile in Italy ever since.    The Speedwagon Foundation has been trying to clear her name, but I doubt there’s whole lot they could do about a case like this.

And there you have it.   Erina was so heartbroken over the death of her son and the exile of her daughter-in-law that she asked Speedwagon to never tell Joseph what really happened to his parents, and to keep the Ripple a secret from him.   Of course, none of that really worked, because Joseph developed the Ripple on his own, and Straizo and Stroheim forced Joseph to develop those abilities even further, leading him directly to his long lost mother.   Erina wanted to protect Joseph, but she couldn’t save him from his own fate.    Smokey starts crying, and I’m like “same tbh.”  

This ties back to a point I made early on.   When I watched the anime, it seemed kind of random to introduce Smokey, then drop him for most of the story, then bring him back at the end.   But now, it makes a lot more sense.   He was a viewpoint character, but only so far as the stuff about the Joestar Family.   All the fighting and Ripple stuff could be done without Smokey, since Joseph could function as his own viewpoint character for that part.   And while it’s kind of weird for Smokey to be absent for so long, it helps that he seemed to feel the same way.    He clearly went out of his way to join Speedwagon on this mission to Switzerland.  He simply cares about the Joestar Family that much.    He couldn’t sit in New York and wait for an update.

Anyway, Lisa’s going to be okay, and the vampires are all dead, and Kars is slowly dying from the Ripple wound Joseph gave him, so it looks like we’re all finished here.   Stroheim decides to put Kars out of his misery by shooting him with high-intensity UV rays.   Maybe that’s overkill at this point, but we might as well let Stroheim have his fun.

Oh SHI--

So yeah, Kars had the Red Stone of Aja this whole time, but he only just now decided to use it.   That’s because the Stone will only amplify the power of his special Stone Mask if there’s a powerful light source.    This whole fight has been happening at night, so Kars had to wait until morning to try this little stunt.  But Stroheim has helpfully supplied a bunch of UV lamps, and those work just peachy, thanks.   Fuck Stroheim forever.

And just like Dio and Straizo before, the Stone Mask digs bony protrusions into Kars’ brain, but this time the mask has the Super Aja powering it, so Kars stands to gain even more power, turning him into... what exactly?  

[pop-goes-the-sneasel]

Gothitelle!

Gothitelle!!!! The Astral Body Pokemon!

Okay, so like. I love space. I love stars, planets, galaxies and that’s part of why I love the Psychic-type. The Psychic-type is heavily associated with space, likely in large part because of space’s association with astrology, which in turn is associated with predicting the future – that’s what the Psychic-type’s all about! And that is Gothitelle’s main premise – its ability to read the future using stars. Possibly even more than that, though, I love goth aesthetics. Particularly pastel goth stuff, but any goth stuff is great! The fashion, the vibes, everything. So you might be able to guess how I feel about Gothitelle.

Unfortunately, if you’re under the impression I probably like it quite a lot, you’d be....wrong. I don’t even really like it at all. Screwed up, right??? It hits so many notes of things I love and yet ends up being something I like so little. Its space association pretty much only comes from the dex, even, and it has virtually no spacey-ness to its design. Like, look at Jirachi and Cresselia! They’ve got the spacey headresses going on! Solgaleo and Lunala have the galaxy faces! Lunatone, Solrock, and Starmie are basically just astronomical bodies! Where’s Gothitelle’s space stuff?????

Besides how it doesn’t represent its space association in its design, Gothitelle just isn’t visually appealing. It’s like, a tower?? Or a multi-tiered cake??? But in black because goth. Not like, goth goth though? More gothic lolita, hence the bows. Which like, still a valid aesthetic, just one I’m less personally partial to. Though, I think the real issue here is how it’s humanoid enough to not feel especially imaginative, yet still polygonal enough to not feel anatomically believable. I’m also really not fond of the bright red lips or its weird, indescribable “hair”. The one aspect of Gothitelle I do appreciate is its eye shape, which communicates some wonderfully grumpy vibes – they’re probably some of my favorite eyes on any pokemon. The bright blue color is a pleasant, striking contrast to its general dark coloration too.

Anyway, beyond some heavier space flavor in its dex than the typical Psychic-type, its concept isn’t even that unique. It can see the future, sure, but isn’t that pretty normal for Psychic-types? It feels like there are more Psychic-types that can see the future than there are that can’t, honestly. The dex does dwell on the ramifications of this a bit, though – apparently Gothitelle may use its ability to see its trainer’s lifespan, leading it to cry in sorrow. Which like, everyone’s gotta die eventually, right? Though I guess a pokemon wouldn’t really know how long humans should live for. How long do pokemon themselves even live??? Have we even seen evidence of them getting old????

Gothitelle’s shiny is alright, I guess. A lighter, cooler black and deep magenta eyes. Maybe not an extreme difference, and they could’ve changed the bow color too, but it’s aesthetically appealing nonetheless.

But yeah. I genuinely want to like Gothitelle. It’s a solid concept! But like, it’s just so aesthetically underwhelming. I don’t hate it or anything, and I certainly respect those who do like it, but like. It’s not for me. Hhhh sorry for the mean review :c

Anthropomorphic wedding cake/10.