#maybe they’ll come back one day in a crossover special but that’s it

[fabuloustrash05]

Dear TMNT 2012 Fans…

STOP SAYING TMNT 2012 IS COMING BACK FOR A 6TH SEASON!!

Sincerely,

A fellow diehard TMNT 2012 fan 

[thefanficmonster]

Little Do They Know

Daniel x Taylor (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope)

Warnings: Swearing

Genre: FLUFF, Romance, AU, Crossover

Summary: Promising to love a person who you’ve already loved till the end of time is the easy part of a wedding as Daniel has come to realize. There’s many other reasons why he’s so stressed and nervous though

A birthday gift for my best bro Kai aka @hopeveon Happiest of birthdays, bro! Hope you have an amazing day (despite having to go to school). The cult sends you a cake made of cookies to celebrate your special day but this fic is a gift from me personally. Love you 🤗💕

As Daniel cringes at his fifth attempt at tying his tie to his liking, he’s on the brink of a mental breakdown. His friends and cousins, some of which groomsmen and one of them the best man, are growing more and more concerned by the minute, observing as Daniel’s sanity is crumbling at the thought of having to face Taylor’s family before, during and after the ceremony. 

“You realize they are human, right?“ Matt inquires, “I mean, I don’t know them either, but I don’t believe they’ll be very hard to please especially since you’ve made Taylor be the happiest she’s ever been.“

“Wait, wait, wait...“ Conrad buts in, “You’ve NEVER met them? Like never ever?“

Letting out a heavy sigh he’s been holding in for far too long, Daniel slumps down on the little couch by the mirror he was just standing in front of. “I’ve met her cousin Anna but that’s about it. Her parents were out of state often so I never got the chance to be introduced to them.”

“I wouldn’t worry so much if I were you.“ His best man, Andrew, interferes, “I’m pretty sure they know you more than they would if they had actually met you considering Taylor won’t shut up about you to anyone she talks to.“

Pausing to process what Andrew has told him, the groom-to-be grimaces, “Why do I feel like that’s even worse?”

Rolling his eyes, Finn steps in, “Maybe because you’re overthinking literally everything. Not only now, but since you two picked a wedding date. For the love of God, you’re not marrying her family, you’re marrying Taylor, and she’s already more than head over heels for you and nothing on this planet can change that.” He’s the most mature and level-headed person in the room at the moment and it really shows.

Finn’s words manage to lessen the tension that has taken over every muscle of Daniel’s body the tiniest point but even that seems like a huge success at this point in time. It was enough to get him to crack a smile so that says a lot.

Relieved ever so slightly, he shoots a tired but still lighthearted look his cousin’s way, “Not even a crooked tie?”

Giving the groom another eye-roll, Finn nods, “Not that the tie was crooked what so fucking ever.”

Meanwhile, little do the guys know, a similar sort of panic has settled over on the bride’s side where Taylor appears to be stuck in a downward spiral of ‘what if’s that appear to be never-ending.

“This dress was a mistake.“ She murmurs, frowning at her reflection in the mirror, “And the make up is horrendous.“

Her best friend and maid of honor - Julia can’t help but let out a tense sigh, “Well, we can wipe the make up off of you anytime, but please don’t make up carry out a bridesmaids’ mission impossible and go fetch you a new dress.”

“I mean, it’s not like we wouldn’t if you asked, but please don’t ask. The last thing I wanna do is run in these heels.“ Sam looks over to the two girls, giving Taylor a sympathetic smile which she half-returns.

“I appreciate it but don’t worry, I won’t. It’s not like I have a dress on the back burner.“ The bride sighs, contemplating whether to have the make up wiped off her face or not.

“Trust me, this is typical pre-wedding behavior. I can confirm and probably so can Julia.“ Fliss says, side-eyeing the blond with a taunting smirk and only receiving a playful eye-roll in return.

“What are you even so worried about?“ Ashley asks, “The two of you already act like a married couple, this wedding is technically just a formality. If anything you’ll only love each other more.“

When put like that, this wedding really doesn’t seem like a big deal to Taylor. Yes, of course it’s a very meaningful day and one of the most important ones in her life. But very few things will change after it’s over with.

Her and Daniel will majorly remain the same.

But just love each other more.

And that is what finally manages to get a grin out of Taylor, replacing the frown that was present on her face for so long it really started to worry the girls.

Julia receives a text which she wastes no time on opening. After reading its contents she looks at the bride, an eyebrow quirked up, “Ready?”

The uncertainty has not completely left her, but it had mainly been replaced by the joy and adrenaline she feels at the thought of finally being able to call Daniel her husband.

Which is why, with little to no hesitation, she says, “Hell fucking yes.”

                                                            *  *  *

The wedding officiant is reciting the speech he’s probably said hundreds of times but Daniel and Taylor don’t hear a thing. Hell, Daniel was extracted from this world the second he saw Taylor walking down the aisle. He swears his soul left his body but he’s already willing to deny it when Andrew will ask him if that was a tear he shed in the meantime. Taylor wasn’t any different either. She too was far too mesmerized to see, hear or notice anything or anyone else. She didn’t care what she looked like anymore. And Daniel couldn’t care less about what her family thought of him. In that moment the only people present at that wedding from their point of view were the two of them. No one and nothing else mattered. Just them and the love that radiated off of and between them.

“I do.“

“I do.“

The words, life changing and promising, were spoken in a daze with the groom and the bride unable to take their eyes off one another.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.“

Those were the only words they really heard - the only words that mattered. And with the loud cheering of their families and friends behind them, the two shared their first kiss as an officially married couple.

“We should’ve done this sooner.“ Daniel mumbles when the two break the kiss to walk down the aisle and to the cars that will take them to the venue they had booked for the actual party.

Giggling, Taylor squeezes his hand tighter, “I gotta say, I couldn’t possibly agree more.” Pushing up on her toes she kissed his cheek. “These heels are a nightmare.” She grumbles, displeased as they keep walking.

“Say no more.“ He picks her up bridal style, earning him a surprised squeak, carrying her the rest of the way, “We’ll stop along the way to buy you some flats.“

Wrapping her arms around him as a gesture of gratefulness and to ensure she won’t fall she can’t help but smile, fighting back tears of joy she knows he’ll tease her about later, “Damn Daniel, you just can’t help but make me love you more, huh?”

“I’ll overlook the pun...“ he says with a playfully annoyed eye-roll, “But I’ll have to disappoint, I can’t not make you fall in love with me, it’s my specialty.“

Little does he know she’s well aware of that considering he’s only been making her fall more and more in love since day one. Little does she know he’s had the same experience.

And little do they both know how obvious it was to everyone around them before they themselves even admitted it.

[heniareth]

I was tagged by @scribbledquillz for this ao3/fanfic author meme. Thanks so much for tagging me! Now, there’s only one thing (I’ll explain as soon as I answer the first question). But first, tags. I’m gonna tag @yukichouji and @the-iron-lion because I know you write and post, but I also know you’re busy, so please, only do it if you want to and have time ^^ Apart from that, if anybody who sees this wants to give it a go, consider yourself tagged! I’d love to read your answers, so feel free to tag me back

How many works do you have on AO3?

So, here’s the thing: I’ve never posted anything I have written XD One day, I will, but until then, I’ll answer the questions I can answer to the best of my ability ^^ I’ll modify some questions and keep the original ones for anybody who wants to answer those.

What’s your total AO3 fanfic words count?

123.211 words total (not counting one absolutely massive collaborative fanfic that I’m not gonna count rn)

More under the cut!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Funny thing: thanks to this question I’ve rediscovered like ten folders with the beginnings of different fanfics I’d not opened in years. Thank you, @scribbledquillz for making me find my old writings! My main work rn is a Dragon Age Origins retelling (featuring Astala Tabris of course, though I have decided that the other origins--Surana, Amell, Brosca, Mahariel, the whole gang--also survive because yes.) I also have two separate unfinished pieces on Caduceus and Caleb of the Mighty Nein (Critical Role) respectively. Equally unfinished are one fanfic with Loki and his Jotunn heritage, and another about the extermination of mutants in the X-Men universe prior to X-Men: Days of Future Past. Both projects were ambitious, but exist mainly as ideas now. The longest (and oldest) fanfic I’ve ever written is a collaborative super self-indulgent self-insert fix-it fic for The Hobbit. I am quite proud of my younger self for pulling through with this one and sticking to it over such a long time. It is, sadly, also unfinished.

Do you Would you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I would definitely respond to comments. It’s polite. I’d also want to mirror back the joy a comment has inspired in me.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

The X-Men fanfic ends with the events of X-Men: Days of Future Past, which (spoiler?) means all the characters were going to die. But it’s okay because the movie fixes that ^^ But generally speaking, I’m not big on angsty endings. Angst is fine anywhere else.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

I think it has to be either the The Hobbit fanfic or the Dragon Age Origins retelling. Characters I strongly identify with tend to get the happiest endings. Oh do I ever wonder why that is so

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I’ve never written a crossover, but I’ve read some really cool ones. There was one featuring the Mighty Nein in the Undeadwood setting (both by Critical Role) that I wished had gone on longer bc it was so cool.

Have you ever recieved hate on a fic?

One of the good things about not posting anything: you don’t subject it to judgement ;D

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have... never finished writing a smutty scene.

One day. One day. Zevran might be the push I need, who knows

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Another one of the good things about not posting anything.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I started translating several of them myself! :D

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Oh yes! It’s an amazing experience. The creativity is squared. It is important though that all collaborators are on the same page about where the story goes, how the characters will be portrayed, etc. Especially if you give somebody your own OC or self-insert to write about.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

There are a few that have a special place in my heart. Shadogast comes to mind, or Percy/Vex (from Critical Role). I love the Zevwarden ship because it’s a story about allowing feelings and romance and being stronger because of them (at least in my mind). I’m scared of what Fenris/Hawke might do to me when I get around to play DA2 XD

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Definitely the The Hobbit fanfic. It is a glorious mess, and from time to time I go through the documents again... but it’s just a really big project and my collaborators are busy

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue! Banter! I love it. I absolutely adore it. I make it way too long but it’s so much fun. I’m very much character driven I think, which is also why fanfic is so appealing to me. Actions speak louder than words, but characters shout through a megaphone. I also like pairing dialogue with very day-to-day, down-to-earth actions (like folding laundry). I feel like it allows me to convey so much more about the caracters than only through the words they say and the dialogue tags of “he said, she whispered”. Another thing I consider myself strong at is worldbuilding and generally keeping the practical things in mind. If it’s autumn, it’s probably gonna rain, the ground will be wet, they’ll sleep poorly and that’ll be reflected in heightened tempers and therefore more drama in the next scene. The fact that in canon a town has a harbor will have impacted this character who was born there. I like the details and puzzling the pieces together to make a world really come to life XD And, last, I have also recently learned that I write best non-chronologically, and to just write it all out and edit later. It does wonders to advance a project

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. I hardly write any at first. I normally see scenes very clearly in my head, but I... don’t communicate it XD I’m so character-driven that I kinda forget about the rest. I also tend to get too bogged down by the mundane? The fact that I like to play around with details of the worldbuilding and have it all make sense means I’ll write that scene where they break up camp even though it... doesn’t really add anything to the story apart from the fact that it happens and they indeed do break up camp. Things that I should tell, I show. It reflects in my wordcount.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like it! I find it really interesting. I might even listen to the spoken dialogue via Google trnaslate XD The only reason it might bother me is that there’s just no elegant way to integrate the translation into the text on AO3. In a normal book, I’d go for a footnote, but in AO3 and with my chapter length, I won’t make anybody scroll down, read the translation, and scroll up again.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

My first ever fanfic before I knew what fanfic was were things I wrote age 11 with a friend about the cowboy stories this German late 19th century writer Karl May wrote. We were obsessed with those novels

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I gotta say the Hobbit fanfic. It was melodramatic, it was self-indulgent, it had everything. I remember staying up with my friends way into the wee hours of the morning discussing how we’d save Thorin and his nephews from certain death and why Kili was so obsessed with Tauriel after talking to her once XD

And here we go! Thank you so much again for tagging me, this was a lot of fun (and it makes me want to post something. Maybe the Dragon Age Origins retelling will make the cut? I do hope I finish it in the next months)

[archivingspn]

Entertainment Weekly Special Edition: The Ultimate Guide to Supernatural 2017

SAM AND DEAN WINCHESTER KNOW "WEIRD." Their entire life has been weird, ever since the moment a demon claimed their mother's life. In case anyone has forgotten over the course of the show's past 12 seasons, Supernatural tells the story of the Winchester brothers, portrayed by Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, who fell into the family business of hunting creatures after their mother's murder. What began as their father's journey for revenge has evolved into endless monster slayings, near-death experiences and more than a few actual deaths.

By this point the Winchesters have been to Hell and back, killed Death himself, come face-to-face with God and prevented the Apocalypse. But perhaps more impressively, the series has survived three network presidents, five showrunners, a writers' strike and five different time slots. Turns out the only thing harder to kill than the Winchesters is the series itself. "It's one of those shows that has moved a lot, and yet each time it has found that core audience and built on it," Warner Bros. Television president Peter Roth says. "It's been an unsung hero."

If anyone knows about being an unsung hero, it's Sam (Padalecki) and Dean (Ackles), who've dedicated their lives to saving others and asked for nothing in return. Seriously, how many nights have they spent sleeping in their car?And yet that on-the-road lifestyle has paved the way for a number of the show's riskier episodes, which play a crucial role in keeping the audience engaged. In 2015 "Baby" was told entirely from the perspective of their beloved 1967 Impala, and that's not even close to the craziest thing the show's tried.

Aside from the rules the show creates within its canon—yes, they have a historian in the writers' room to keep them honest—not even the sky is the limit when it comes to story ideas. “[Show creator] Eric [Kripke] used to say, 'Smoke 'em if you've got 'em,' which meant: Anything crazy, don't be afraid to run it by us," executive producer Robert Singer says.

That motto led most famously to season 6's "The French Mistake," in which Sam and Dean found themselves in an alternate universe where everyone mistook them for Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, the stars of a show called Supernatural. "Our show's not bound by reality," Ackles, 39, says. "We're rooted in reality, but we're not bound by it. That gives us a fifth wall almost."

But Supernatural's season 12 finale managed to raise the stakes by somehow introducing the boys to something they'd never seen before: a world in which they don't exist and Heaven and Hell are locked in an eternal war. By episode's end, their allies Castiel (Misha Collins) and Crowley (Mark Sheppard) were dead, and their mother, Mary (Samantha Smith), who was resurrected-by God's sister!-in the season 11 finale, found herself trapped in this new reality with the Archangel Lucifer (Mark Pellegrino). If that doesn't seem bad enough, the birth of Lucifer's son is the very thing that opened the rift to this apocalyptic realm. "The world in which Sam and Dean were never born is not a good world," showrunner Andrew Dabb says. "It speaks to the importance of our guys. The world Sam and Dean live in is certainly not perfect, but it's a whole hell of a lot better than the alternative."

Dabb describes the new run of episodes as more melancholy than last year's, with new threats including some long-dead characters. And somehow Scooby-Doo has a role to play. (More on that later.)

"Last season was, in some ways, a very upbeat season for us," says Dabb, who goes on to explain that season 13 will be "darker." In their grief the boys will butt heads when it comes to both Lucifer's son Jack—Dean wants nothing to do with him; Sam thinks he's worth trying to save— and Mary, whom Sam refuses to give up on despite Dean's having lost hope that she's still alive. "The Apocalypse world hangs over our guys a little bit like a sword of Damocles," Dabb says of the season's beginning. "We're definitely going to spend a little time there."

And of course Sam and Dean have this new responsibility thrust upon them before they've had the chance to properly grieve their many losses, including Castiel, who Dabb says will appear, though maybe not the way fans are expecting. "We're not looking to hit the reset button," Dabb says. "We want to give both our guys an opportunity to react to that and ask the question: How would that affect them if their closest friend sacrifices himself for them? There is a certain amount, especially when you look at Dean, of survivor's guilt."

That being said, there will be at least one (animated!) moment of levity, though it's in the season's back half. Episode 16 will be a much-anticipated Scooby-Doo crossover, for which Ackles, Padalecki and Collins have already recorded the audio. "They've often talked about Supernatural crossing over into something." Ackles says. "I love that it's Scooby-Doo."

But even with exciting new ideas on the agenda, there's always the lingering question of how much longer the show can continue. According to CW president Mark Pedowitz, the answer is as long as the guys are happy and the ratings are relatively stable. As for Ackles and Padalecki, they are focusing on the next milestone: hitting 300 episodes (something that would take them 13 episodes into season 14). However, if Sam and Dean have taught the actors anything, it's that Death can be lurking around every corner (and he's usually eating pizza). "If we don't make it to 300, I think Ackles and I will both be truly bummed," Padalecki, 35, says.

Ackles adds, "They're paying us to bring that little bit of magic to what they wrote, and I still feel that magic. The day that I don't feel that magic will be a very sad day, and I hope that day never comes. I'd like to get to 300 before that day comes."

One thing everyone can agree on is that they want to know when the end is nigh. "I think it would be bad for this show to just ride off into the sunset without a finale," Singer says. "I think we've earned that." Ultimately the only thing that's certain about Supernatural's eventual end is the fate of Sam and Dean's Impala, Baby. "He gets Baby," Padalecki says of Ackles. "I get Baby Two." Ackles makes one correction: "No, you'll get Three. Two is a stunt car. It's beat to s---.”

But nobody gets Baby just yet. For now they'll need all the Impalas they can get as they try to solve the problems of not one world but two.

[pg 10-12]

LIFE IN THE FAST LANE

Stars Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki and Misha Collins have rolled with rapid changes and some surprising detours during the series' remarkable run. BY SAMANTHA HIGHFILL

JARED PADALECKI CAN STILL REMEMBER THE exact pitch for Supernatural's first season: “Route 66 meets X-Files, brothers on the back roads of America hunting things that go bump in the night.” That was how he and costar Jensen Ackles were told to promote the show, which, in its first year, was just that-Sam and Dean Winchester chasing urban legends from state to state.

But over time that original pitch added a few sentences. Much like with any good road trip, there have been quite a few turns—and the occasional crossroads along the way. Although the show remains about two brothers on the back roads of America hunting things, those "things'' now include everything from vengeful spirits to imaginary friends and even Lucifer himself. After all, a show doesn't last 13 seasons without adjusting its game plan. For Supernatural that has meant an ever expanding mythology, some shocking deaths, resurrected characters, breaking the fourth wall and so much more.

Yet all the while, one thing has remained true: Sam and Dean Winchester will do whatever it takes to save the world and, even more so, to save each other. And they'll do it while navigating those seemingly endless back roads in their 1967 Impala.

Finding John Winchester (portrayed by Jeffrey Dean Morgan) was the boys' goal in season 1, though that ended up being about as difficult as getting John to stick around once he was finally discovered. The Winchester family reunion was short-lived: Season 1 closed with a car crash and the fates of all three men up in the air. And then there was that demonic deal John made with the same monster they had been hunting.

JENSEN ACKLES Everything up until that point was about finding Dad. We found Dad, we continued to fight as a unit, and then we lost Dad, and now we were two orphans.

JARED PADALECKI And I think that was the first time we ever brought back somebody from the dead, and it was you [to Ackles].

ACKLES I died in the car crash, and he traded his life with Azazel.

PADALECKI I think that was the first time we ever saw a major character die and come back. And that was a total leap of faith. So we told the story of Reapers and the veil and what happens to your soul.

ACKLES That's when we got into afterlife.

PADALECKI That was a big title shift in what Supernatural could do...

ACKLES With the introduction of Hell and making deals with demons—which is funny, because you think about that now, and [creator] Eric [Kripke] must've always known because Mom made the deal with the yellow-eyed demon.

The next shift would come later in season 2, laying the groundwork for the introduction of angels far before Castiel spread his wings in that abandoned barn in season 4.

PADALECKI "Houses of the Holy” was the first time we ever talked about angels on Supernatural. [Jensen] and I both were like, “Whatever your religious beliefs, whatever ours, we're not here to proselytize. We're here to make a serialized television show, but we want it to be universal.” So we actually had a conference call with Eric Kripke, and we were like, "Hey, man, we don't know how we feel about this.”

ACKLES We didn't want to be a mouthpiece for writers' religious views, because it wasn't the show that we had signed up for. Our argument was: “We trust you. You've done good by us so far. However, this is our one concern, and we're just bringing it to the table so that we can discuss it.”

PADALECKI And they heard us out, and I think that's why they waited another year and a half before introducing our second and most famous angel. I think it's the one time we've ever called them together with a complaint. Because I'm not a writer. I don't want to be a writer. I enjoy my job as an actor. But that was legitimately like, “Listen, if you're going here about religion, I don't want to be a part of it.”

MISHA COLLINS And now amazingly, 11 years later, so much of the show has been hung on biblical lore and mythology that is actually drawn from the Bible. One interesting thing for us is that we end up talking along the way to priests and pastors and ministers, or even nuns, who love the show.

(...)

ACKLES It was amazing, but my point being that we're in one of the most religious places on earth, and they're catering to people from a show that deals with religiously inspired story lines.

PADALECKI But not telling the story that the Bible tells.

ACKLES That's the out. That's where we get a pass is that we're not trying to tell the story of the Bible. The writers take inspiration from biblical elements and then elaborate on them. So when we got into that original discussion, Eric came back with: “We're not here to tell the story of Jesus Christ. We're here to take that element and use it as inspiration for the story.” I think that alleviated any concerns that he and I had. And at the same time we really trusted Eric and still do to this day.

Another leap of faith came with season 2's "Hollywood Babylon,” which can be considered the show's first meta episode. It opened the door for everything from season 6's “The French Mistake” to the upcoming season 13 Scooby-Doo crossover.

ACKLES “Babylon” was the first time we took the piss out of ourselves and were poking fun at the industry.

COLLINS That has been a huge [help to know] that you can go to these absurd lengths and break conventions. Reading the script where we are doing a Scooby-Doo episode makes me feel proud. Where else can you do that?

Padalecki What other show does that and has the fandom at large excited that they’re going to do that? Can you imagine if JAG or NCIS did a Scooby-Doo episode? People would be like, “What?” Not only do we break the fourth wall, do we go meta, but those end up being some of our best episodes.

The season 5 finale holds the No. 1 spot on EW's episode ranking, but that hour was important for many reasons, one of which being that it was creator Kripke’s farewell.

COLLINS “Swan Song" was another milestone because that marked the culmination of Eric's original vision for the show. He had a five-season arc in mind that tied up perfectly with a bow, and then he moved on and handed the reins over to Sera [Gamble]. That became, “Okay, guys, now let's figure out how to start a new chapter or a new volume in a series of chapters.”

PADALECKI It's the story that we were all born from, those of us who were introduced in the first five years. So to have the creator step away? I would argue that it was the largest shift.

Gamble served as showrunner for seasons 6 and 7, the latter containing another major show moment: the death of Bobby (Jim Beaver), Sam and Dean's father figure.

PADALECKI Bobby was such a big part. Jeffrey Dean [Morgan] was never as much a part of the show. He was obviously a huge part of the story, but he did [just a few] episodes, and Jim Beaver did 60 or something. And there was something about his death that we knew it was final...or final for Supernatural.

ACKLES Because his character said, “I'm done.” So it wasn't like he got killed accidentally and we found a way to bring Bobby back. He was like, “I'm hanging it up, guys." It was heavy.

PADALECKI That probably was the first big death of someone who'd been there for years...

ACKLES [Interrupting] A fan favorite...

PADALECKI Yeah, and I remember [CW president] Mark Pedowitz saying something to the effect of “As a fan, I hated when Bobby died, but it was great television.” That's how I feel. 

ACKLES Like when Sam Winchester dies for good, it's going to be good television. But when Dean Winchester lives on, it's going to be great television. [Everyone laughs]

The season 12 finale saw the introduction of an apocalyptic alternate world in which Sam and Dean Winchester were never born and Heaven and Hell are locked in an eternal war. And with that world comes the possibility for a number of character returns. But does it feel like a turning point? 

COLLINS Well, I think the rift and the fact that you can go into the apocalypse world and you can all of a sudden revisit every character in a different iteration—there could be a different version of every character—it opens up this incredible panoply.

(...)

PADALECKI And if an alternate universe exists, then how many alternate universes exist? It's hard to say, because I feel like it's impossible to identify a turning point during the turn. In hindsight it will reveal how this story will affect the show, the canon at large and the way we move forward. But I certainly feel like we're opening up doors with the rift and with the son of Lucifer.

(...)

[pg 20-26]

THE CORONER'S VAN JUST PULLED INTO THE driveway. It's the middle of August in 2016, and Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles are filming a scene for Supernatural's 12th season at a farmhouse in the Vancouver countryside, which is standing in for Iowa. Sam and Dean Winchester have ditched their flannels and jeans for sweaters and slacks in order to pose as social workers. They're doing what the two brothers do best: lying about their jobs in order to solve mysteries and kill monsters—in other words, saving people, hunting things.

When Supernatural premiered, Sam and Dean Winchester were born into the family business of hunting creatures, and it's a lifestyle that, over the years, has left them with very few people they love. Turns out, when you spend your days battling shape-shifters, witches and the occasional angel—they're not all nice, you know—nothing is guaranteed, especially not tomorrow.

But no matter how crazy the Winchesters' world gets—or how many worlds they have to face—one thing remains unchanged: At the center of it all are Ackles and Padalecki, whose Dean and Sam are the beating heart of the show (whether theirs are beating or not).

(...)

(...) even pulling up their favorite scenes on their phones to watch at the table. Padalecki can easily name the scripts that made him cry—“Heart,” “Sacrifice" and "Baby" all land on the list. The common thread is a heartfelt moment between the brothers where they get to talk about their crazy life as if, say, having visions of Lucifer is normal. “I feel like those situations where we treat the abstract and the fantastical as just part of life is where the show thrives,” Padalecki says. Ackles adds, “I think the show is truly at its best when it doesn't take itself too seriously, then it does take itself seriously, and it gets scary as s---,”.

But whether Supernatural is making fun of itself, scaring the living daylights out of its fans, or just letting the brothers have a moment on the hood of the Impala, it all works because of our central heroes. “It's about the Winchesters," says Crowley actor Mark Sheppard. “We really do care, and it's a testament to the boys that we still care."

(...)

As the sun sets on the Vancouver countryside, Sam and Dean ditch their slacks for jeans and send the coroner's van on its way. It won't be needed—this show, and the brotherly bond that holds it all together, has a lot of life left in it. Not that death has ever stopped it before.

[pg 32-34]

(...)

DEAN WINCHESTER Jensen Ackles

He was always the good son. Dean embraced the hunter's lifestyle, and he idolized his father despite John's many faults. But with the senior Winchester devoted to tracking down demons, it fell to Dean to help parent Sam, and he went to great lengths to protect his younger sibling-at one point even making a deal with a Crossroads demon (at the cost of his own life) to resurrect Sam from the dead. The two have had their differences, but throughout, Dean's brother was his first priority. "Watching out for you, it's kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it's kinda who I am." Cynical and initially skeptical of the existence of God, Dean has nonetheless managed to become best buds with the angel Castiel (and on first name terms with both God and God's sister Amara). His self-sacrificing nature means he would do literally anything for those he considers family-and that's a short list: Sam, Mary and Castiel.

[pg 38]

Sympathy for the Devil

EVERY HERO NEEDS A HELL, BUT SUPERNATURAL HAS JUST TWO PROTAGONISTS AND HUNDREDS OF VILLAINS. HERE’S HOW THE SHOWRUNNERS APPROACHED SAM AND DEAN’S MANY FOES, FROM WELL-KNOWN URBAN LEGENDS TO SATAN HIMSELF. By Samantha Highfill

[pg 51]

Stairway to Heaven

SAM AND DEAN MET CASTIEL. AN ANGEL OF THE LORD, IN SEASON 4, AND IT CHANGED THE COURSE OF THE SHOW. BECAUSE ANGELS WEREN’T ALWAYS THE PLAN— AND CASTIEL WAS ONLY THE FIRST. By Samantha Highfill

(on page 57 there’s a small box of print on the corner that says: In what executive producer Robert Singer calls one of the series’ most “iconic images,” Castiel (Misha Collins) is introduced as the show’s first real angel.)

WHILE OTHER CHILDREN WERE LEARNING multiplication tables, Sam and Dean Winchester were hunting monsters. “When I told Dad I was scared of the thing in my closet, he gave me a .45!” says Sam to Dean in the Supernatural pilot, recalling an episode when he was 9 years old. Clearly creature encounters were par for the course in the Winchester way of life. And when you grow up battling all the evil in the world, it's hard to believe in the good. But in the show's season 4 premiere, Dean would come face-to-face with the one supernatural entity he didn't think existed: angels.

“[Show creator] Eric [Kripke] wasn't in love with the idea of doing angels,” executive producer Robert Singer says of the early days. “But as things went on and we were getting into demons, I would say to him, 'I don't know how we do demons without doing angels.’”

The show tested the waters in season 2's “Houses of the Holy,” when Sam and Dean worked a case that appeared to involve angels then went in a different direction. It wasn't until late in the next season that the seraphim were finally embraced. When Dean was dragged to Hell, they needed to get him out. And if there's a Hell, it stands to reason there has to be a Heaven. "[The season 3 finale] was the gateway into this whole other world of angels and demons," executive producer Andrew Dabb says.

When it came time to spring Dean from Hell, it was Castiel, the show's first angel, who gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. But Castiel quickly established that he wasn't a typical cherubic angel. Many of the show's angels were, as Sam and Dean would put it, real dicks. “We have our own brand of angels and the idea that they were these warriors of God,” Singer says. “We introduced Castiel, and we just went from there. Heaven opened up different levels of angels.”

The moment Castiel spread his wings, the show expanded its universe. Castiel came bearing news of something much bigger: the Apocalypse, the ultimate showdown between good and evil-or more specifically between Archangels Michael and Lucifer. “We started with archangels and the idea that Lucifer was an archangel and was cast out of Heaven,” Singer says. “We certainly took some license, but it was all biblically grounded. We just took those things and went a step further to make them work for our story.”

From there the show explored all kinds of angels, from Zachariah and Naomi to Gabriel and Metatron, and, of course, it eventually arrived at God-or Chuck, if you prefer. “We didn't really know that Chuck was God when we first started with him," Singer says of introducing the character in season 4. (He wouldn't be revealed as God until season 11.) “That evolved. We wanted a relatable God, a God with foibles.”

Nine seasons later, what started as one angel in a trench coat has evolved into Lucifer, God, Leviathan and even a sister for God. “We play a little fast and loose with religion, but no one has really complained about it,” Singer says with a laugh. “So we'll just keep going.”

[pg 56-58]

CASTIEL Misha Collins

What can you say about the only member of Team Free Will who wears an overcoat? Cas has become a true member of the Winchester family.

[pg 61]

[drunkkenobi]

Happy Watcher-versay

For all my sweet baby angels who were not in this fandom a year ago, let me paint you a picture.

In 2018, the content didn't flow as much as it does now, but there were still lots of Instagram photos, or surprise pop-ups in other Buzzfeed videos. You never knew when you'd click on Curly's instastory and see him hitting on Ryan or Shane and Ryan tweeting about some terrible dream Ryan had where Shane died or when you'd see them in airports together and begin speculating where they would be ghosthunting next. Then at the end of season 5 of Supernatural, when Ryan and Shane say they’ll be back but without a clear date, and while saying “we do have a special for you in January” (which would be the sponsored Black Dahlia revisited ep), it felt a little odd and sad, since SPN had only been 6 episodes instead of 8, but oh well, they’ll still be around. Plus maybe that meant they were working on season 2 of Ruining History! So we went on with our days, watching an awkward Buzzfeed holiday special with Shane as the grinch and Ryan not there at all, along with Shane getting the actual worst haircut of all time for a bit and Ryan not there at all. The Black Dahlia ep was a nice little treat, though. But then a couple weeks later, the Buzzfeed layoffs hit and I cannot emphasize enough what a shitty, anxious weekend that was. Ryan was at Sundance with Mari and so his lack of presence with regards to the layoffs was weird and made me (and a lot of other people) anxious as fuck that Unsolved wouldn’t continue at all. Shane didn’t say much either, although he was quietly liking tweets from fired friends. Katie Leblanc did eventually post that Unsolved was not canceled, although the damage had been done. TJ had been laid off, only a couple weeks back from paternity leave, and it was just a shitty time to care about Buzzfeed stuff. 

But a month later, the boys were back filming True Crime and then La Llorona with Curly and we hit another fandom mini-high. But, curiously, during the same time, Ryan was posting instagram ads and tweeting at a bunch of LA companies asking to do collabs and it seemed like our fears were true: Ryan had left Buzzfeed and Shane. He was doing Unsolved on contract but was going to venture out into the world and do his own thing, maybe acting or ~influencer shit. Shane was still popping up in some other Buzzfeed videos so it was the only logical conclusion we thought. 

Every time a random Buzzfeeder I followed posted a shot from in the office, I’d try to scour the background for Ryan and Shane but I never could find them. Whenever they did post instastories, they were working from home, sometimes together, sometimes not. That felt weird, but we thought maybe Buzzfeed was allowing people to work from home more as a boost to morale after the layoffs. And we knew they filmed more Berry Boys stuff at Knott’s, where was that? And then after True Crime s5 ended, we went months without anything, besides the Annabelle sponsored episode. All summer, no videos of them at pool parties together, no tweets from other Buzzfeeders about them at all, nothing. A lot of the time, though, Ryan was visiting Mari on set so that helped explain his absences, but maybe not all of them.

August rolls around and the boys film s6 of Supernatural, ghost hunting in Florida and South Carolina. The joy of seeing them post weird pics of each other while traveling could not be overstated. Then Ryan tweeted that Shane was “irreplaceable”, even when faced with switching him out for Paddington. Things in the fandom were looking up! We didn’t know why they were only filming 14 episodes of Unsolved a year when they used to do twice that many and we didn’t know what the fuck they were doing with their time and Sara finally commented that Ruining History probably wasn’t coming back so what the fuck did Shane do with his time, especially now that it had been a year without the Hot Daga and just what was going on over there???

Season 6 of Supernatural came and went, a glorious 6 week run that included “it’s not like he’s my daddy”, face-touching, and Ryan’s Old City Jail freakout. But after Halloween, it was done and it was another month of lows of after such an intense high. When were we going to see them again? Was Unsolved coming to an end? Were they growing apart? A lot of future reunion fic popped up during this time, which I think is a good indicator of where the fandom was at, how we were coping.

Then, on December 8, 2019, Ryan, Shane, and Steven Lim all posted eye emoji tweets. Weird. Some thought it was a reference to an album coming out around that time, some assumed it was some sort of teaser for a BFU/Worth it crossover (Andrew doesn’t social media so that helped too). An odd crumb of content that we nonetheless ate up.

December 9th rolls around. At around 10am PST, a trailer goes up. And suddenly, everything about the past year shifts into place.

I cannot emphasize enough that no one, no one, though they’d ever leave together. They couldn’t pull a Try Guys, Unsolved was too expensive to shoot and they couldn’t buy out that name with just two of them. It never crossed our minds that they’d want to create new things together. That they truly do think of each other as irreplaceable, not just as co-hosts on their spooky show, but in all aspects of their lives.

So. Happy Watcher-versary, my darlings. It’s been a shit year, but made immeasurably more tolerable with these doofuses and this lovely fandom. 

[tonystarkbingo]

Our TSB party is still going, and here is one of the games we’ve had fun with so far!

Fic Titles Game

Glitter - suggested by @phoenixmetaphor3000

@huntress79 - Idea: Dum-E teams up with Steve (other Avengers optional) to bring some Christmas cheer to their favorite in-house Grinch (aka Tony XD)  Massive amounts of Glitter involved

@rebelmeg​ - tony kind of has an accidental thing for glitter. it's not his fault. the iron man suit has a glitz and glamour of its own, he's always told his eyes sparkle, and his favorite tie pin is that gaudy ruby one that pepper hates. he loves the stars, the way sunlight sparkles on the waves outside his malibu mansion, and he can't really be blamed when a tiny speck of glitter under a certain someone's eye catches his attention one december day.

@psychiccatpanda - Clint refills DUM-E's fire extinguisher with purple and silver glitter as revenge for Tony making Clint's most recent armor change to red and gold with body heat. Hijinks ensue.

@lbibliophile-mcu - Decorating the Christmas tree, the Avengers get into an argument over who is responsible for the missing tinsel. Half an hour later they find it, in a tangled web draped all over Dum-e. He objects strenuously to its removal, but eventually concedes to their assistance in rearranging the strands so he can still move.

@huntress79 - The Avengers are invited to a Charity gala, but they have to wear costumes that are NOT their usual ones. And of course, Tony can't resist an opportunity to rile up a certain Captain, just a little bit. Best way to do so: a dare, in this case who wears the most glittery costume. But what Tony didn't expect was that Steve comes up with his own counterdare... (author's choice ;))

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - It's pride, so there was bound to be some glitter floating around, it was inevitable. But this much? Someone was obviously being irresponsible with glitter and needs to be given a warning for the good of the world (and the Tower's cleaning bots). Tony follows the trail of glitter... all the way to Steve's room? Does this mean that Tony's crush on Steve actually stood a chance of being more than just a crush.

@ralsbecket - It was Steve's first Father's Day being Morgan's step-dad, and Tony helps her with cooking breakfast in bed and sprinkling red, white, and blue glitter on a handmade card (not particularly in that order). Steve still finds glitter everywhere weeks later.

@rebelmeg​ - i can't art very well, but i want art of the aftermath of tony opening a glitter bomb that rhodey left out for him

@huntress79 - (Stony) - During a mission in space, Tony and Steve are stranded on a planet, with no immediate way to get back. After a while, they encounter tiny little beings who introduce themselves as fairies. But while they can't fulfill their wish to get home (for whatever reasons), they might be inclined to use their glittery fairy dust for something else… (could also be used for a crossover with Hook/Peter Pan)

@rebelmeg (with some inspirational help from @dreaminglypeach) - tony coming home with glitter all over his suit and looking super smug, and everyone IMMEDIATELY assumes strippers. but of course it's gotta something completely different and silly.  like... he wandered through the christmas department at the store and slipped on something and ended up sprawled on the glitter strewn floor

 @yesmooshoe - Tony is somehow de-aged to around 5. The Avengers do their best to take care of him while they figure out what to do, but don't keep a constant eye on him. Tony likes all of his new friends though and wants to do something special for them, so he acquires a bunch of glitter and glue (maybe jarvis helps? maybe thor likes crafting? fuck knows.) Tony proceeds to embellish everyone's stuff - glitter all of steve's shield, thor's hammer, glitter all over Clint's arrows (which really throws off the balance but he can't be mad), and even a weird-looking red and yellow robot suit. When Tony is finally returned to normal he's upset with his younger self for how haphazardly he glued all the glitter to his suit, because it could have looked super cool if done well.

Collaborative effort that started with strippers and then went off the rails

Glitter lube

Scratchy, what a terrible idea

oh my god but imagine shitting out glitter

Edible glitter

Edible glitter on cakes

Edible glitter exiting the human body

So many glitter poop jokes and anecdotes

@ralsbecket - The Avengers are forced undercover for a mission to catch a villain red-handed, and this villain just so happens to work from the basement of a strip-club. Tony draws the short straw, but at least he can choose his own stripper name.

@lbibliophile-mcu - He's sure it looks very pretty. Gentle waves ruffling the surface of the bay. Each strand of grass on the dunes lined in perfect crystals of frost. Dawn sun painting the sky pink. And right there is the problem: dawn sun. It is far too early to have to deal with all these stray rays of light stabbing through his eyes.

(More under the cut!)

Vices - suggested by @ralsbecket

@huntress79 - (Stony) - Steve's a hard working cop on the vice, Tony's his "favorite" frequent delinquent (aka Tony's a bit of a bad boy who usually gets arrested by Steve, for rather minor things, but Tony can't shut up when Steve's around, so it's more for his talking than anything else) (Steve, of course, can be replaced by any other character, whatever floats your boat XD)

@rebelmeg - tony kicked a lot of these habits a long time ago. it's been ages since he's been high, or slept around, or partied until he literally dropped. but around this time in december, he's allowed a few of his other vices. his need for near-constant touch and attention. drinking. staying up to keep the nightmares away, and being coaxed to bed when he's so exhausted he's asleep before his head eats the pillow. eating all the food he loves that aren't that great for him. it's okay, though. this time of year, he's allowed.

@lbibliophile - "... This is not the worst thing you've caught me doing." And it was in that moment - confronted by the picture he made trapped in the grip of supposedly-helpful machinery - that Tony decided he really needed to prioritise a better way of getting the suit on and off.

@rebelmeg - some kind of profile art with the arc reactor depicted as one half of a vice clamped on tony's chest

@dreaminglypeach - vices: DUM-E was only trying to help squishy-dad with his work. He didn’t mean to get his hand stuck in a vice. If only sky-dad would stop chastising him and call for help…

@Magicadraconia16 - Dum-E does not understand why everyone keeps saying that vices are bad. They're very helpful tools! He loves the one that Tony gave him for his very own. He can show everyone, then they'll see! If only he can get it off of U's arm, first…

@huntress79 - Knowing that Tony will fall back to some of his old vices as soon as December rolls around, the whole Tower teams up to keep him from doing so (can be gen aka Avengers as a family, or end with your favorite partner for Tones)

@psychiccatpanda - [potential WinterIron] Bucky has been researching everyone on the team and it seems like the media has nothing better to do than to gossip about Tony Stark's vices - women, booze, and expensive cars mostly. The trashier gossip bloggers openly speculated on what (or who) Tony's latest mistake would be. When Bucky gives Tony a judgmental look after he's returned from being out (much longer than the hour Stark had said he'd be gone), Tony frowns. The bag clanks like metal. What the hell had Tony meant when he'd said he needed to 'go pick up some new vices'?? ((hint - it's actual vices. It always takes longer at Home Depot or any hardware store because Tony has to look at everything before he leaves!))

@tehroserose - [Stony] Steve had only one vice. Well, two, but they were related. He loved watching Tony's backside, and he loved getting him angry. The genius was so alive when he was angry, and then he was treated to a wonderful view of the amazing backside. Bucky was about ready to smack him upside the head for his kindergarten way of having a crush.

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - Before the serum there was a lot of things Steve couldn't experience, whether it was because of his conditions or lack of money. Steve's favourite thing about the 21st Century is all the foods and flavours. Being able to eat things he couldn't eat before. Being able to taste things he wouldn't've been able to taste before. Steve spends his military back-pay on food and treats... a part of him burns at the idea of spending his money this way, there were more beneficial things he could be doing with it... But he can't help himself, especially when some flavours taste like euphoria. Tony notices and decides to indulge in Steve's vices.

@huntress79 - (potential HawkIron) For the longest time, Clint always had to choose before a mission between wearing the team comms and his hearing aids, otherwise his ears felt like being in a vice. SHIELD didn't see it as a necessity to equip him with better things, but once he joins the Avengers, and Tony notices the obvious problem, things start to look up for the resident archer....

@huntress79 - Ever since he got free of the programming and came to live at the Tower, Bucky's been doing repairs on his metal arm on his own. But after a mission, putting his arm in a vice and working with the fine tools isn't the easiest thing to do. And Buck's too proud to ask anyone for help, be it Steve or anyone else. Good thing that he can't stop JARVIS alerting Tony to that particular problem... (can be friendship/mending bridges between them, or WinterIron)

5 Times Tony Stark was a Terrible Cook, Plus 1 That One Time He Finally Ordered a Pizza - suggested by @yesmooshoe

@tehroserose - Tony/Others, Tony/Rhodey end. Tony has always tried to cook for his dates. He wants to impress them. Problem is, he can't cook. And too many people just want the Stark money and lie and say it is good. Or they're too afraid/intimidated to tell the truth. Later, much later, he realizes they aren't good for him. Then there's Rhodey, who's never afraid to tell Tony that his cooking sucks... and then, after the last relationship ended, this time when the white lie was out of care, Rhodey again tells Tony his food sucks, let's get pizza. And they kiss, over the pizza.

@rebelmeg - first it was cookies. cookies burnt to a crisp that even ana jarvis couldn't salvage. second was spaghetti, so mushy and overcooked that rhodey couldn't stop laughing even when tony threatened to throw his enormously thick math textbook at him. third was that whole "raw in the middle" chicken incident that happy still won't let him live down, and fourth was the disastrous omelet for pepper. fifth was morgan's 1st birthday cake, and thank heaven's pepper was wise enough to ignore him and order a backup. this time, he's just gonna order a pizza.

@huntress79 - Tony The Cook: The Jarvises tried, Mama Rhodes as well, but for all his genius, Tony can't figure out a cooking recipe. Nonetheless, he tried to impress several various dates with his cooking skills. Needless to say that none of these attempts (both cooking and dating) ended well. Then, he meets Steve, a guy who doesn't care at all what they eat, as long as they eat together. And so, Tony orders pizza for their date…

@Magicadraconia16 - It's an unfortunate historical fact that Tony cannot cook to save his life (hmm, there's an idea for the next HYDRA kidnapping...). Rhodey's meal was burnt to unidentifiable cinders (seriously, even Tony doesn't know what it was supposed to be); Pepper's gave her an allergic reaction; Natasha chipped a tooth; Hulk came out and threw Bruce's food out of the (closed!!) window; and Steve got food poisoning. Steve!!! So when Bucky turns up in his workshop one day, Tony decides to selflessly save everyone from a hangry Winter Soldier and just orders pizza, instead.

@ralsbecket - 5 + 1 Pizza: Tony Stark was many things. He was a genius, he was a billionaire, he was a playboy, he was a philanthropist. The thing he was decidedly not was a good cook. It was one burnt omelet too many before Pepper begged him to just order out. The person delivering his pizza was... attractive. If he started ordering pizza on Fridays at 6PM every week for a month, that was nobody's business.

@lbibliophile-mcu - Tony just wants to offer a fancy home-made anniversary dinner. It's not so much that Tony is a terrible cook, but that something (or several somethings) always go wrong. His significant other's flight was delayed. He gets distracted by a minor crisis half way through cooking. He tries to prepare beforehand, but forgets to label it before leaving it in the common fridge. Had a mistranslated recipe or the wrong measuring spoons. Dum-e tried to 'help' while he was distracted. The next year, his SO requests that they just order pizza to eat cuddled on the couch.

@psychiccatpanda - Single dad Tony tries to do it all. He feels terrible about the amount of time his three kids (all under the age of 5) spend in daycare, but college will be expensive, so he works -and works. But he tries to make the after-work before-bed moments really count. Sometimes his carefully planned dinners don't work out. Monday, the slow cooker wasn't plugged in and their chicken and potato dish spoiled for being on the counter for almost 13 hours unrefrigerated. Tuesday they were out of bread and ate PBJ on the last three hot dog buns. Wednesday, he thought dinner was fine, but Peter declared it was 'too spicy' and so none of the kids would eat it. Thursday he burned the chicken nuggets in the oven because he had to help the kids with their baths, and Friday? Well no one was gonna talk about that again. Saturday Tony's ready to cry because he's pretty sure Morgan is coming down with something. So he orders pizza. When the pizza delivery guy arrives, holding Morgan, she barfs all down Tony's back. Pizza delivery driver yanks the pizza away and asks if he can come in to set it down in the kitchen, then helps out with the kids while Tony takes a shower.

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - It was meant to be romantic, cooking for a date. But with Tony it was definitely not romantic. Cooking for Rumiko he managed to burn everything, yet have the food still raw. Firefighters had to be called when he set his dorm alight cooking for Janet. Ty needed to have his stomach pumped after Tony's cooking (how was he to know what was too much alcohol, wasn't it meant to burn off?). Indries had stomach problems for weeks after Tony cooked for her. And he managed to poison Pepper... Needless to say, Tony wasn't a good cook... So when he scores a date with Steve Rogers, he thinks "why bother try? Steve is too good for me anyway", there was no way they were going to last. So he orders a pizza. Steve is relieved when he sees the pizza. He had been hoping Tony would pick something down to earth, worried he wouldn't know how to eat whatever posh food Tony put in front of him and make a fool of himself. Steve admits he doesn't know how to cook either. Maybe Captain America isn't so perfect. Maybe... Maybe this could work out. Him and Steve

@huntress79 - Of all the people, Tony has probably the most irregular eating rhythm. He has been known to try and cook for himself, but the results are less than stellar. So, one by one, each of the Avengers try to cook for him, until Steve joins him in the workshop with a small stash of pizzas…

@lbibliophile-mcu - It was all Steve Rogers' fault. Him and his insistence on 'team dinners' to 'promote bonding' and 'improve cohesion'. Not that Tony necessarily objects to the dinners - pending his schedule - but Steve seems to have this odd conviction that having home-cooked food is a necessary part of the ritual, and none of them can change his mind. Natasha tried logic. Clint tried begging. Bruce, he's pretty sure, is sneaking in pre-made food and just cooking the final steps. Thor thinks it's a great idea... but is always for some reason back on Asgard on his nights. But Tony is a genius, so he decides on a different approach. He grumbles a little bit, but otherwise doesn't complain when it's his night to cook. He cooks... and watches as each of the Avengers gives up on choking down the barely-edible meal. The next time he is rostered, the scene repeats. And the next. And the next. By the sixth time he is due to be cooking dinner, Steve comes up to him and politely - but pointedly - suggests that maybe they just order pizza. Tony thinks of the several meals worth of tasty leftovers hidden in the penthouse fridge, and graciously acquiesces.

I hope Thistle cheer you up - by @darthbloodorange

@rebelmeg - it was the pun war to end all pun wars. and it was probably going to end all of them. clint was fine, he loved puns almost as much as he loved pizza. steve hated puns so much he had taken up swearing. tony took sadistic glee in saving his worst puns for when steve was around. nat was famous for using the most clever of puns at unexpected moments. bucky could deadpan a pun so seriously it always took them by surprise. thor was terrible at it, still grasping the nuances of american english, but he sure tried hard. bruce tolerated it all and made half-hearted attempts at participation, though chuckling at his own puns was usually funnier than the puns. sam loved making puns, but hated it when other people did. it started creeping into other areas of their life, onto social media, in interviews, and at one point hawkeye was trending for awhile after he screamed out "THISTLE CHEER YOU UP!" whilst battling some kind of plant monster. tony helped, because he retweeted with the comment, "ooh, talk dirt to me."

@ralsbecket -  So what if Tony had gotten laid off? So what if Tony had a mountain of bills sitting on his dining table? The only thing that mattered to him in that moment was his baby girl Morgan, with her hair falling out of the ponytail and her cute little lisp. She'd come back in from the backyard with a handful of dandelions, saying, "I hope thistle cheer you up, Daddy" so sweetly that for just a moment, everything was okay again.

@psychiccatpanda - [IronHawk] Tony's been working on the reams of paperwork that he's put off for SI. He's still not sure why it all needs to be done before the end of the quarter, but here he was. Needless to say, Tony Stark has been in a foul mood the whole week. The snide comments he usually keeps to himself have started to slip out and he feels guilty on top of the grouchy, so he decides to barricade himself in his office. He falls asleep on a sheaf of papers and wakes up with the impression of little ridges of paper on his cheek. It takes a moment (he hasn't been asleep that long) for him to fully realize the plant in front of him was real. An aloe plant - with a plate of chocolate muffins, fruit, cheese, and nuts. A post-it on the aloe's pot read, 'I hope thistle cheer you up,' written with a purple felt tip pen., which meant either Clint had left it - or Natasha pretending to be Clint.

@lbibliophile-mcu - Bruce looks at Tony, then back down at the spiny dried flowerhead in his hands.

"I know that you were getting frustrated trying to find these for your new fibre arts project, so I decided to help." His eyes light up as he realises the pun. "Thistle cheer you up!"

Bruce sighs even as he smiles.

"Tony... I appreciate the thought, but as you said, this is a thistle. I need a teasel."

@darthbloodorange - [Stony] - Tony really doesn't like his neighbour Justin. The man was always trying to find ways to report him to the local council. Mailbox too close to driveway? Reported! Weeds in his lawn? Reported! Fence too high? Reported! Didn't clean his pool that weekend? Reported! Lawn too long? Reported! It was ridiculous. But the council won't do anything because taking action against someone who's reported you (even if the reports were false) is apparently considered wrong and vindictive. There was nothing Tony could do but grit his teeth and bear it. One day Tony receives a box in the mail, addressed from his neighbour across the street. The handsome blond guy with the body of a Greek god and a garden that looked like a literal paradise. Steve Rogers. Tony wasn't too shy to admit (to himself) that he had a crush on the man. He eagerly tears into the box to find a small note and a lots of little bags of mulch wrapped in tissue paper. The note reads: "Tony, I've heard you be having some trouble. I hope thistle cheer you up. After the rain comes flowers. Ps. Throw these over Justin's fence." And so he does. Watching Justin battle all the weeds after it rains brings Tony so much joy. Especially when Justine reports him to the council and the council shrugs him off this time. He heads over to Steve with some home cooked food as a thank you gift and they get talking. Turns out Steve is an Environmental activist with a passion for guerrilla gardening. Tony is hooked. Maybe it has more to to with Steve then the revenge on Justin (as sweet as it was)

[atomic-taco-muffin]

The Lost Princess Chapter 78

Warnings: Same as the last chapter

Rating: SFW

“Checkmate,” Y!Xehanort said. Y!Eraqus scanned the chessboard. “And so darkness prevails, and light expires. You need a new strategy.” 

“My move, isn't it?” Y!Eraqus asked. Y!Xehanort scanned the board and Y!Eraqus lifted his final white piece.

“Huh?” Y!Xehanort asked as Y!Eraqus placed it on the far edge of the board.

“It's not over,” Y!Eraqus said. 

“C'mon. That's not fair. I know I had you.” 

“Yes, you nearly did. But, a game's no fun if you know where it's going. There's more to light than meets the eye. I told you.” Behind the single white piece carrying a crown token, fifteen more white pieces appeared on the board and Y!Eraqus smiled.

“Some light comes from the past,” he said. 

On an endless sea and sky stretching onward to infinity, a light shined onto the transparent body of Sora. Sora opened his eyes and sat up, taking stock of the world he found himself in. He stood, the water splashing beneath his feet paired with no other sound at all.

“Where am I?” he asked as he wandered the bright expanse, searching for answers.

“Can't stay away, now, can you?” someone asked. Sora looked around for the source of the voice.

“Hello?” he asked. A tiny light sparkled down in front of him, making an odd mewling sound, it reached down to the water, which rippled as if something had set its feet down on it. There was a bright flash, causing Sora to shield his eyes as a small cat wearing a cape and a coin purse appeared in front of him.

“The name's Chirithy. And this is The Final World,” they said. 

“I'm Sora. What's the...‘Final World’?”

“There's nothing else beyond this. You've wandered here more than once before on your visits to the Station of Awakening, buuut...I let that slide. The edges of sleep and death touch, and one can't help the occasional crossover.”

“Wait, ‘death’?”

“Yes. The natural end for those whose hearts and bodies perish together. But some persist, and arrive here.” 

“My heart and body perished? Um, does that mean...” 

“Something is holding you here--refusing to let you go. You're hanging by a thread.”

“What about my friends?” 

“I'm afraid that no one else arrived with you. And if they're not here, they're either gone forever, or they're clinging to the world you came from.”

“I'm going back!” Sora summoned his Keyblade and started to leave in a rush.

“Whoa, whoa! How exactly?” Chirithy said. Sora turned back around. “You can't just wander out like your other visits.”

“What?” 

“I told you. The other times you came here by your own choice. This time is very different. To become your old self again and return to the real world, you'll have to piece yourself back together in this world first.” 

“Agh! Why am I in pieces?!” 

“What? No, not literally, of course. You're conceptually in pieces. On the inside, who knows, but on the outside you're just fine.” Sora dispelled his Keyblade.

“Oh, okay. You kinda freaked me out there!” he said. 

“Oh boy...Usually, only a heart can reach The Final World. But since you've clearly managed to retain some kind of form, that can only mean your body was cast into this world as well. Maybe it was the Bond of a Spirit.”

“‘Bond of a Spirit’?”

“Mhm. It’s a special bond between a human and a Spirit. If you are really close with a Spirit, then they’ll have a strong bond with you that’ll last till the day that either the human dies or the day the Spirit dies.” 

“Okay, so...then if I can find my body, that means I'll be able to go back?” 

“Precisely. But there's a lot of you to find. You're going to be busy.” Chirithy vanished in a burst of light and Phantom Soras appeared, wandering around the endless expanse.

“These must be pieces of me,” he said. Once Sora had collected the wandering Phantom Soras, a portal appeared and the top of his body had begun fading in again. He saw a strange glimmer in the midst of the never-ending sky and approached it. It sparkled fading in and out in the shape of a star.

“Hello?” Sora asked.

“Good day,” the star said. (i am so convinced that the star is Strelitzia)

“Oh cool! You can talk.”

“You look like a person. How is it that you retain your appearance? Are you special? Do you have the Bond of a Spirit?” Sora looked himself over, unsure what to say.

“Umm... I'm a little hazy on the details,” he said. 

“As are we all.”

“So whose heart are you?

“No one's anymore. They took away my name--everything about me.”

“No way. They couldn't have taken away your heart.” 

“Only because it pines for another.” 

“Yeah? Someone's coming for you?” 

“I cannot be certain. He's been changed beyond recognition--his heart replaced with another's. But, were he to regain his old self again, he would be distressed by my absence. So I choose to wait here, where he can find me.” 

“Good. You have to believe.” 

“Believe? Oh, you mean know in my heart he will return? Without any proof?” 

“Exactly, BELIEVE. I thought it was all over for me, but a friend of mine looked me in the eye and said, ‘You don't believe that.’” The star gave a tender laugh and Sora smiled.

“So, uh...who did this to you? Heartless steal hearts, so...a Nobody?” he asked.

“A...somebody.”

“Really? Hmm... Well, I wish I could help...but my situation's no better.” Sora sat down, his eyes to the sky.

“You must see to the tasks before you first,” the star said.

“The tasks before me?” Sora chuckled. “There's so many.” 

“All the more reason for you to make an effort.”

“Yeah. You're right. I just wish I knew what to do.”

“Here you are on the brink, and yet you hold on to who you are. You possess a strong sense of purpose. And in that purpose you will find direction.”

“Thank you. I'm really glad we met. You cheer me up. I hope that friend of yours finds you soon.”

“Thank you. Me too.”

“Oh, hey. If I see him, I'll tell him that you're here. What's his name?” The star whispered into Sora's ear and surprise showed on his face.

“Huh?” he asked. 

“Our secret,” she said. 

~Le Time Skip~

Sora looked his recollected self over before hearing that odd mewling sound again, signaling Chirithy's reappearance. The cat materialized in midair and landed on the water slightly off-balance.

“I see that you found them all,” they said. 

“Yep!” Sora replied. 

“Then, isn't it time that you left?” The cat pointed away from him and Sora crossed his arms.

“Oh, thanks,” he said. 

“What? I'm doing you a big favor here, you know. Don't push it.” 

“Hey, Chirithy. You still look like you, right? Would you like me to help you find YOUR pieces?” 

“Oh, I don't work like that.” 

“So, like...you're waiting for someone to rescue you?” 

“Mmm...sort of?” 

“Well, tell me who! I'll find 'em.” Sora chuckled, holding a hand to his ear.

“Uh, no no no no, that's okay. He--well they I should say--don't remember the past. Besides, I'm sure that they’re much happier with their new friends. But I'll wait. They'll arrive here one day.”

“Okay...” Sora leaned down. “I'll be back to visit you.” 

“What?!” 

“You and me are friends now.” 

“Really? I've missed having friends.” Sora smiled and stood back up.

“Well, see ya 'round! And thanks!” he said. Chirithy watched him go and was puzzled when he stopped in his tracks.

“Umm... Could I get a hint how to save the others?” he asked as he turned back, smiling sheepishly.

“Seriously? Are you a Keyblade wielder, or aren't you? Haven't you already learned how to restore someone's heart after it's been lost?” Chirithy asked. 

“Restore their hearts? Is that the same thing as...the ‘power of waking’?”

“I'm not sure, but...give it a shot?”

“No. This'll take all my heart. Okay.” Sora turned around and summoned the Keyblade. He held it in front of him and a Keyhole appeared on the reflective water. Energy gathered at the end of the blade and there was a flash of light. The floor shattered, revealing a gate with a brilliant beam of light shining up into the sky.

“Look for the light in the darkness!” Chirithy said. Sora gave them a small smile before entering the light. 

May your heart be your guiding key...

[mavspeed]

First Line Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Hey @applesfallingfromblondehair, thanks for the tag love!! likewise i dont usually do this but this feels interesting so lets see if my ass has improved over the last few stories lmfkjgjk

also this will prob be a mix of xmcu fic + kingsman fic bc i think i have a more or less equal number of fics written for both

1.

The first time Charles meets Lucifer Morningstar, actual devil from hell, ruler of the underworld, fallen son of the lord above and god knows what else, it had been after Erik had been sentenced to life imprisonment in the highest security cell in the Pentagon. 

- this is from a professor and a devil walk into a bar, which is kinda a crossover rarepair fic that rose out of me and mutuals on twitter discussing tom ellis and james mcavoy being roommates and kinda... devolved from there. i am proud of this one lmfnjgkj

2.

“Are you okay, Professor?” Hank asks quietly.

Charles blinks. He supposes it’s a valid question. He’s been in a bit of a funk the past few days- scratch that actually, the past few years. He’s just lost so much- his father, and then his mother’s love, and then Raven and Erik and Sean and countless others. Building a school, gaining students he loved to teach and nurture hadn’t helped him in the slightest, and he’s as lost as he ever was, wandering the halls of a drafty mansion alone, feeling like he’s been stranded at sea even whilst surrounded by people.

- from in the belly of the beast, which again came out of me wondering what would have happened if fox had gone w their original plan and charles had been that last horseman instead of erik. this story will prob gain a sequel... sometime in the near future when im not too bogged down by current wips

3. 

The Xavier family hall of the deceased- because of course they’re weird enough to have a cemetery- is full of rows upon rows of holograms. Charles is four and gets bored of his father crying over his mother’s hologram, so he toddles over to the other rows. Unfamiliar names, all of them- Charles is young, and he doesn’t understand death. He doesn’t even know who his mother is, who’d died at childbirth and left him with a father still at a loss when it came to bringing up a kid.

- from tequila on a spaceship, the sequel to a fic that still has some people angry at me i think. this fic never did gain as much traction as the first one but im still proud of it esp since it discusses certain themes of reincarnation that ive always wanted to see explored for myself in reincarnation aus (and i only ever saw it in danveresque’s reincarnation au)

4.

There are cork boards covering every inch of the wall. Red strings, photographs, conspiracy threads, everything. Raven takes it in, swallowing, noticing the picture in the middle.

It’s one of Charles, when he’d been in university. His final year- he'd just been done presenting his year- end project, his fringe a tumbled mess and a bright smile on his lips. Erik had taken the picture, Charles scurrying to his side once he’d been done and demanding to look at the image, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. He looks like how Raven had always imagined him to be.

“He wouldn’t want this,” she finally says, turning to look at Erik.

- from tequila on a beach, the first fic to the fic above. this fic is v special to me because i actually wrote this on a spiral after having a very tough visit with one of my parents in the hospital after a surgery for organ removal to prevent the onset of cancer. its simpler than my other fics yet i think more powerful because of what happens. also i think the first time i killed charles off lol (spoiler alert). also idk if ppl were aware of this but this is called tequila on a beach precisely bc charles and erik were tipsy from tequila at a frat party and then went to a beach. its the way they first met (and will continue to meet for all their next lives)

5. 

Erik doesn’t know how it all started. Maybe it was when his insane sergeant had started rambling about imaginary cities, treasures of gold and cursed incantations. Maybe it was when trickles of rumours had started pouring down about the higher ups wanting to investigate unfound territory, disregard the Egyptian government’s feelings on the matter, and put a previously unfound myth on the map for all the world to see. Or maybe, Erik thinks, it was when archaeologist Klaus Schmidt put a bullet through his mother’s head and he ended up going to America armed with dual citizenship and the sole intent of wanting to drive a coin directly between Schmidt’s eyes, joining a division of the American military focused solely on guarding archaeological digs- more importantly, in Egypt, where Schmidt’s interest had shifted.

- from courting the end of the world, another one i’m just insanely proud of! this is the first time i’ve ever attempted a multichapter movie au and it actually managed to work pretty well, i at least haven’t run out of inspiration for it yet lmfjgjg. also erik as himbo rick connell... very rent free in my head

6. 

The day after they murder Shaw and leave his house of horrors, Erik crosses the Canadian border with Charles across his back. Charles had started getting tired while they’d been walking, stumbling and nearly tripping until Erik had forced him to get on his back, ignoring Charles’ protests.

The blood’s seeping out steadily from Charles’ nose, staining his shirt and soaking it through. It’s been leaking on and off, and the effects are already obvious in the dark circles beneath Charles’ eyes. Any more, and Erik knows they’ll have to find him a doctor. He hopes the nearest town in Canada has one that would be willing to treat them.

- from a world built for two. i actually dk where the inspiration for this came from, i think i was once again on a depressive spiral and wanted to break my comfort characters into pieces and put them together again. this also deals with codependency and unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result of trauma which i showed as sweet in the fic but i would def not recommend in real life. pls if u relate to either charles or erik in this go see a therapist

7. 

The call comes in the afternoon, an hour before Charles is supposed to teach his Intro to Genetics class. Frowning, Charles abandons the game of Candy Crush he’d admittedly been playing rather badly and picks it up. “Charles sp-”

“We need you, Prof,” Kitty says desperately into the phone. “He’s been in a temper all morning, and then Alex’s reports missed out a whole subsection, so he’s fired the entire marketing team! Please, Professor, you have to come immediately!”

- from and we can be pirates. i wrote this in like 4 seconds for my friend who wanted professor charles and ceo erik and actually did not expect this to gain the attention it did... its always the fics u write in like 4 seconds lmfjggj. a sequel for this Is coming too probably at some point in the very far future

8. 

Charles Xavier can admit as he sits across from Essex, hands cuffed to the desk, that in hindsight, this had perhaps not been one of his better ideas.

He refuses to admit it as he controls Erik’s mind, preventing him from lashing out and making him close his eyes to the nightmare unfolding in front of him. He refuses to admit it as he gets shoved into the back of a black pickup truck, and the butt of a gun is smashed across his forehead hard enough to knock him out cold for a few hours. He refuses to admit it when he wakes up what appears to be hours later in a cold interrogation room, hands cuffed to the table in front of him, with a suppression collar rendering his mind dark and almost achingly silent.

- from from the land of gods (bring me home). i’ve been struggling w this fic a lot (it didnt come as easily to me as the first one did) but its getting there. also i put charles through hell in this rip sorry mister xavier

9.

In the aftermath, both of them stand at the border of the mansion. The air feels frigid, slicing into Raven’s lungs like a thousand paper cuts. “Charles, please,” she begs, heart in her throat and voice hoarse. “He wouldn’t want you to be like this. He wouldn’t want you to do this. It’s not too late, you can come back.”

Charles gazes back, a brick wall. He hasn’t even cleaned up, still in that damnable yellow and blue suit with blood drying in the corners of his mouth, the bridge of his nose. There’s nothing in his eyes- blank, almost see through. He looks as if he’s a mere shade, a ghost lounging about where he once was. Raven knows better.

“I will raze the world to the ground,” he finally says, his voice free of any inflection, “and when I’m done, no one will be left standing. Not you, and certainly not me.”

- from where all the poets went to die, a dark fic based on what would have happened if moira had killed erik with the bullets. its the first time ive written dark charles and it was v fun if im being honest

10. 

Charles is a light sleeper. It’s a trait that stays with him- all the way from his father and the tests to taking care of his mother to Cain Marko and his fists to Cuba and then now, the dust of Washington settling over him and making the waking world lie an inch beyond his eyelids. It therefore stands to reason that the second the windowsill creaks he’s up in a shot, hoisting himself up and lashing out with his telepathy instantly.

That’s not a trait that had stayed with him. That’s a newly formed trait, bitter and bold, carved into existence by Cuba by his students disappearing one by one in Vietnam by the letters that announce Sean’s death in black unfriendly print by-

The tendrils of his telepathy forged cold and distant meet a barrier and recoil, stunned. He focuses his eyes and then widens them, staring at Erik who stares back, hidden beneath that infernal muddied magenta helmet of his. They stare at each other for a moment before Erik clears his throat.

- from in the valley of kings (you will come home). my first ever cherik fic! im actually also proud of this one even if i ended it horribly and half my mutuals refuse to read it bc of how it ended LMFJGJGJ. i cant believe this was supposed to be a funny and cute kid fic and then i turned it into an angst ridden mess. also leo is actually an oc whose adult version is fancasted as charlie rowe by me and another mutual on twitter and im v proud that readers are willing to die for the baby

11. 

Mike has to google it, finding a crafts shop nestled into the corner of the street right smack in the middle of Louisiana, past a long and winding dirt road and the crumbling farmhouses relics of a time long past. The air is hot, humid, sticking to the back of his neck like an unwieldy parasite as he pushes the door of the shop open to the sound of the bell tinkling above.

He finds the origami paper quickly enough and has a momentary breakdown about what Bill’s favourite colour even is- he had never thought to ask him. Twenty seven years of following every single footstep of his like a dedicated, most definitely creepy stalker, three months of more than a few states traversed with Bill’s laughter now echoing in his ears like a shadow that trails after him, and this is what stumps him. It takes ten minutes, but he finally settles on light green.

- my first and last entry into the IT fandom bc i love these two but to be very fair there isn’t much content out there for him (and twitter content actually intimidates me lmfjgjjg) a thousand paper cranes never got much traction either but i suspect its bc i was horrible at promoting it. also i very much love this fic even if it never did that well bc ive always wanted to write a fic like this after watching the movie in cinemas in 2019

12.

ok nsfw i guess 

Mornings start like this- Eggsy snuffling into David’s neck, attempting to work his way back up to wakefulness as David sleeps the sleep of the dead, the streams of morning sunlight gradually lightening up the room. It’s a while before he gets the energy to sit up, pushing an eager V off the bed- V for Vendetta, a kitten named after one of David’s favourite movies that they’d adopted about a month after moving in together- before stumbling to the loo. He’s already in the shower when David comes in, naked as the day he’s born with his arms entwining themselves around Eggsy’s waist as he murmurs a sleep-soft, “Good morning, love,” as he presses a kiss into the two-days-old hickey on Eggsy’s shoulder. His breath smells of toothpaste, the minty fresh kind he insists on buying from Target no matter how much Eggsy insists that the other brand is much better. Without fail, Eggsy always has a split second thought of thinking that he must truly be in heaven because no way can this be his reality, every single day, before sinking to his knees and allowing David’s cock to hit the back of his throat.

- from that’s the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of. i genuinely wish i had an opinion for this but i don’t remember writing this its been way too long

13. 

The first time Eggsy sees her is in Trafalgar Square.

Trafalgar Square is uncomfortably packed on any normal day, but on New Year’s it is quite the hothouse. Sweating armpits and hot bodies plastered against each other, the twinkling lights overhead providing a flash of blue and green and yellow and red, screaming children and giggling teenagers shoving their way through- it’s a recipe for disaster. Eggsy doesn’t know how he ends up there. It happens sometimes- one second he blinks, sequestered in the comfort of his living room, and the next he’s somewhere else, as if he’s been teleported. “Life goes past you,” Tilde had said once, “and you don’t even notice.” Tilde would be right.

- this is a roxy and eggsy friendship centric fic that i abandoned bc i lost my ardor for this world about the same time i got into xmen lmfjgjg. all the king’s horses also had some great fancasts in it with dev patel fancasted too... rip ig

14. 

once again, nsfw

Eggsy, truth be told, doesn’t actually like having sex in bathrooms. First of all, bathrooms generally have an unsanitary air about them. Besides that, the granite of the sinks always feel cold against his hips, there is the ever present fear of being walked in on and unlike what people might say, he actually really isn’t that much of an exhibitionist- and truth be told, he’s never liked the look of himself in the mirror mid coitus.

For David Budd, however, he suspects he might be up for anything.

- from do you ever dream of me. im actually proud of this fic and this series, i never usually write straight up porn or friends w benefits and i think it worked well in here. once again didnt get much traction but that was very of the norm for my kingsman fics lmfjgj

15.

It is on his fifth meeting with the therapist on site that she brings the issue up. The elephant in the room- or the bomb , David thinks morbidly. If asked, he can’t remember specifics about that day now. All he remembers is this- the burn of Julia’s picture in his wallet against his thigh, the Botticelli painting on the far wall and Miss Paulson’s face, severe and unsmiling.

“When you couldn’t reach Julia,” she says, after he finishes describing the feeling of running to Julia, the panic searing his chest as he’d prayed for his legs to work faster so he could do something, anything to reach her hand. “How did that make you feel?”

- from your haunted social scene. i genuinely... do not remember anything about this either helpfkjgjg,,, this has 55 comments tho which. Nice

16.

David brings her home on- in a move far too cliche for it to be reality- a stormy night. It’s in fact storming so hard the windowpanes shudder like leaves in the wind, droplets crashing against the glass in a cacophony so loud Eggsy more than once considers turning the radio all the way up to drown it out. He’d gone scrounging for David’s sweatshirts instead of his own halfway through, wincing intermittently at the flashes of thunder. At a particularly loud one JB had jumped up, squeaked in a very undoglike manner and skidded across the floor to cower beneath the sofa, only coming out when coaxed by Eggsy to do so. Officer Oatmeal had watched the proceedings from her regal place by the armchair, dozy eyed and blinking heavily.

- from a cat named lavender. from what i remember this was also my first try at bringing up trans eggsy

17.

He first appears at the black prince on a cold Monday evening, eyes like Frank Sinatra and lips arresting anyone’s gaze if they weren’t careful enough. He stood out too, clad in a respectable bomber jacket and boots that clicked against the tile rhythmically and loudly, a sort of organised, measured cacophony.

“Go and serve him,” Andrew said, fat and disinterested, seated behind the counter and idly flicking through bills, less than ten percent of which he pays Eggsy. “I’m busy.”

- from trust is left in lovers after all. i never continued this which is sad bc this did get a lot of attention... it was just v hard to keep the story going

18.

It usually rains cats and dogs in London but for some reason, the rain is heavier than usual today. The droplets splatter against the windows in a constant buzzing rhythm, the sound meshing together in a melody not altogether pleasant to the ears. It’s half past five and yet the light has to be kept on because that’s how dark the sky has gotten- thunder rolls like a loud crack, abrupt and deafening, causing Daisy to jump in her seat.

“Just a thunderstorm, flower,” Eggsy says. They’re seated at the dinner table, Eggsy going over her homework while David sits opposite them, hunched over his laptop as he attempts to finish a post mission report. Eggsy is half convinced he gave up ten minutes ago- he’s got his earbuds in and he hasn’t really typed anything in a while, eyes focused on the screen. His eyebrows are scrunched up in a glare that’s too adorable for his own good- and for Eggsy’s.

- from could feel like kryptonite. a lot of my kingsman fics are actually so much happier than my cherik ones... i should prob look into that rip

19.

“When you’re done lazing around you can come in, you dozy dog,” he tells Officer Oatmeal, who butts her nose into his knee. She’s the only one not on a diet in the house, Eggsy deeming her far too healthy and skinny to need one anyway. In fact, she’s under strict instructions by Eggsy to fatten up instead.

Once the animals are done feeding- Eggsy sporting a suspicious scratch on his left forearm- they settle down to eat their scrambled eggs and toast. David’s taken a large gulp of his scalding coffee when Eggsy says, all of a sudden, “So, I have a school reunion.”

- from gonna set this dance alight. don’t remember much about this either tbh

20. (the last one FINALLY)

It isn’t a big event or explosion that makes David realise he wants to see his father’s ring sitting pretty on Eggsy’s index finger. No teary confessions in the rain like in the rom coms Eggsy loves to rent out and sniffle his way through, or a fight that makes David see sense. In the end, it’s breakfast that cinches the deal for him.

The day had started out normally enough. David wakes up at eight like clockwork, the soft downy hair at the base of Eggsy’s neck tickling his nose with his arm locked tight around his waist. He’d yawned, exhausted- mostly because they’d stayed up very late into the night making good use of the bed- before standing up and shucking his shirt off to head for the shower. Eggsy had shifted in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible, and the sight had been too endearing to resist so he’d bent down, pressing a kiss to his forehead and smiling when Eggsy groaned out loud.

- from lover boy rules. i actually started a lot of my kingsman fics in the same way which is rather awful of me. im glad thats changed with my xmen fics lmfjgjk. also this has 15 comments???? i dont even get that much attention with my xmcu fics these days... which is arguably a more active fandom... Hello

anyway that’s the end of it needless to say i do not know 10 other authors so im just gonna tag whoever i know rn: @hellfre , @queerneto, @ikeracity, @drinkingstars, @zebraljb

[bearpillowmonster]

Static Shock Retrospective

I was watching Young Justice: Season 2 (Invasion) when I decided I wanted to watch this, I always liked Shock but never got into the lore of it, and I love his powers. I've seen gifs of the show and thought it looked interesting but never really got around to it, I just haven't been in the mood. Then I saw a video on YouTube called "Jimmy no!" not knowing that it was from Static Shock and oh boy...it got dark, I wasn't expecting it to go that deep, that kind of thing wouldn't get aired today but it made me interested in it again.

I started the first episode and Virgil's personality made it for me, mix that with Richie, played by Jason Marsden (aka Max Goof and Kovu) and you have a very nice protag duo. I instantly knew that I was going to finish it when I saw him using a blanket like Dr. Strange's cape or a homing device because of his static cling. Yes I started it because it's dark, but the series isn't always dark, just parts of it, like the first episode has to do with gangs, another with racism, then one where a kid gets trapped in a vault and is losing oxygen?? I mean is my memory hazy and cartoons were just like this and aren't now?

They call the people who were in the accident from his origin "Bang Babies" which sounds like a play on Baby Boomers, Virgil is pretty quippy like that. With this, I'm not a big fan of all the baddies coming from the same incident as our hero, especially when we don't see them all there in that episode, you might as well say that the whole town was infected.

Does it withstand the test of time? Well yeah, as I mentioned, there are things we probably wouldn't see in today's television but the topics are quite relevant as well as the humor. The visual style is pretty nice, the language they use isn't as "cringy early 2000's crap" as I thought, the only sign of age is formats, they'll talk about VCRs and have CDs hanging from the ceiling. The actual content is ahead of it's time with almost public service announcement type episodes that are extremely relevant today, for example, one episode they go to Africa and they show that "Black people can be superheroes too." and Virgil says about how in America he's a black kid, but in Africa he's just a regular kid and asks Ritchie if that's what it's like for him all the time. They talk about culture, sometimes it'll teach a lesson that way and it's so wholehearted that it just fits, it's really nice and surprising to see. 

They have sections at the end of the show where they'll have an artist draw a specific character, it's different every time, I have a knack for that and for some reason I remember it?? Maybe I accidentally caught it one day or I'm confusing it for something else because I'm pretty sure I never saw the actual show but it's only after some episodes from what I can see. I think I remember Avatar doing something similar, I guess great shows think alike. 

Here’s a link if interested: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PPMgBU_GmU

Virgil's mother is gone, they make that apparent pretty much from the get-go so no spoilage here but I like the way they make his sister pick up where she left off. Like there's a running occurrence where she'll make a meal for the family and Virgil will make fun of it and say something like "Runny...just the way I like them..." about his eggs, it's like she's doing this stuff to fill the gap and failing but she's making the effort and that's all that counts, for as much or little as we see her, this is a nice little additive to her overall character. As for his mother though, I like that they go all in and make that a running theme, sometimes having full episodes commemorating her.

There are some special guests too. I won't say any more on that though, I'll let it be a surprise if you decide to watch it because the crossover episodes are hands down some of the best I've seen and another reason I started this series.

I got about halfway through the series and I was like "Oh yeah, what about Frida?" She appears in the very first episode and she seems like a main character, then Daisy enters the scene a little later but Frida's kind of been pushed back to the background, used only when the plot finds her convenient, so we don't really get a whole lot of character from her. I guess that's representative to the series as a whole because what I got was a lot different than what I expected from those first few episodes.

In season 3, they change up the intro, it kind of fits the times, the original one sounded kind of 90's, the second one sounds very early 2000s, I suppose it fits the flow. We still get the original theme during Static's bigger moments, but they do that for all the seasons. What's funny to me is that if you read the Wikipedia page, it says they wanted something fast paced with "DMX-type vocals", ha! As if. I will say that some of the OST overall has a few really good tracks, but unfortunately I haven't found a way to find them on their own, separated from the show. I know most of them only last a short time but other DC shows still have the OST released despite being fairly short or only being in a specific episode. That's not the only thing that changes, he has a second design, which I personally have become accustomed to the white shirt over black but it is what it is, his costume was literally just street clothes in Young Justice and I was surprisingly okay with that so whatever suit is fine. The second one is meant to show that he's growing and it definitely seems that way with the sleeker design and more black added but what I really like about it is that he takes the jacket off sometimes and the Static shirt is just a sleeveless black shirt, it just adds more variety in my opinion. Daisy's overall design changed too for whatever reason and Frida's changed a tiny bit, her's is a little harder to notice.  

For some reason in the middle of the season, in the episode "Consequences" and "Trouble Squared", he changes back to his old suit (I mean he could have just had the old suit lying around and decided to use it for old times sake) but it seems like that episode was made before S3 started or something else because Daisy has her old design as well. It also shows that he has a FULL white mask, not just the eye mask, like a part that goes over his head, I'm not sure if that's supposed to be where his hood is or what but he takes it out of his backpack separated from his hoodie. It might've been just a miscolor though. He has electric as his power (obviously) but they use it in pretty creative ways, the most outlandish and kind of dumb one though is that they basically have him use Photoshop. 

You can also argue that he makes the computer a touch screen.

Now Season 4's first episode is really pretty cool, reminds me of something out of Ben 10 but without spoiling it, there's a part in an earlier season where Static asks where a certain character is and they respond by alluding to a DC reference, however we see that character again in the season 4 opener so the timeline doesn't fit, there are a few other inconsistencies but that's the one I'll mention.

Season 4 also seems to have a return for a lot of different characters almost like a sequel to those episodes. Those are hit or miss, some do well while others don't. It's easily my least favorite of the seasons. It's not bad or anything, it has some really good episodes but the good to bad episode ratio is just more than the other seasons, I must have been spoiled by the consistent number of good episodes.

This may be the realest animated tv series I've ever seen and it's about SUPERHEROES! The way they manage that is unbelievable. I hope we see more of this character, somewhere, anywhere because he’s been given the backseat in pretty much everything, even the comics, he’s been absent from those for quite a while, I feel like now is an excellent time to bring him back, I mean look at the current position we’re in.

The last retrospective I did was American Dragon, there are a few things that I can compare between the two endings but does this one seem definitive? Well in a way, yes, it seems like a very good last episode but doesn’t end everything off in such a way that there wouldn’t be room for one more season. I have a feeling they knew it was the last episode given the way they sort of built it up here and there. The cancellation, however, was caused by the lack of toy sales, not lack of views, however I can’t say I’ve really seen any merchandise from the show.

Seems like there were some dinky Subway toys and a GBA game...

[engineeredfiction]

Solace Among the Stars Ch. 2 “Manifest Destiny

Rating: PG-13

What: Crossover fanfiction comprising of themes and elements from: The Expanse, Blade Runner, Prospect(2018)

Characters: All original characters except for Ezra and Murtry. OC are based on actors I like such as Tobias Menzies (Greer) and Adele Haenel (Allard).

Plot: A group of banned Earthers attempt to improve their life beyond their home system, but come up against a powerful enemy.

Mood board is here. You can also check out the ‘sol mood’ tag

And if you would like to listen to music to put you in the mood then check out the playlist. I’ll be adding to it as time goes on.

Special thanks: @tom-riddleston-me and @yourpalmoony for being beta readers! I appreciate the time and effort!

NOTE: The format is a bit off, I will fix that later, I just don’t have the patience now. But if anyone knows how I can preserve formatting from google docs to a tumblr post please let me know!

More Notes: We finally meet Ezra! Well he’s awake and talking in this one.

Chapter 1 ‘The Stranger’

The lift sped up to the ninth level of Arcadia carrying Greer and his mysterious escort. A metallic ding signalled their stop, and the lift doors opened to a sprawling view of two nearby moons through floor-to-ceiling windows. The moon Helada, ammonia ice streaked the blue rock, and in the distance was Bosque, or colloquially known as ‘The Green’, due to its poisonous green atmosphere and lush forests. The gas giant Bakhroma was off in the distance behind the moon.

   “This way,” the escort called motioning for Greer to follow him through the door behind the receptionist’s desk. 

   Greer pulled away from the view and glimpsed at the receptionist. There was an unnatural glow behind the young man’s eyes; he wasn’t human, but a replicant. Replicants always caught Greer off guard due to their ability to blend in with humans. He always thought their short lifespan was a necessary reassurance. 

   The hallway behind the door led to an expansive room with a flurry of activity. Desks were occupied with relaxed chattering people in well-tailored clothing. A young woman paraded around the office floor in a skintight latex unitard with a tray of hors d'oeuvres. Greer spotted a bowl of black caviar on her tray. More food and bottles of wine were brought in by caterers.

   “Is there a party?” asked Greer.

   His escort gave him a sideways glance, “A celebration.”

   “Celebrating what?”

   His question was ignored. The escort pressed a bell by a door near the back. After a few seconds the door slid open to reveal Wallis’ secretary.

   “He’s been expecting you,” he cooly stated, “follow me.”

   Greer followed the secretary while the escort disappeared behind him. The office was large, smokey, and dark except for low gold lighting around the perimeter of the room and the light coming from the expansive windows behind his desk. Wallis was surrounded by a few members of Terra Corp’s managing staff, each carrying full-to-the-brim champagne glasses. A freshly-lit cigar dangled from Wallis’ mouth. He immediately turned to his new guest with a wide grin, gave Greer a once-over while he took a drag from his cigar, and strode across the black flooring to greet Greer. 

   “You must be Captain James Greer?” Wallis affirmed with an equally firm handshake. 

   “Yes.”

   “I’m Jaxtom Wallis. COO of Terra Corp.”

   “I know you who are.”

   Wallis took another puff of his cigar with a raised eyebrow and set it down on the desk.

   “Let me introduce you to some of the bigwigs of Terra Corp on this side of the galaxy,” he announced. He slapped a firm hand on Greer’s shoulder and guided him through the introductions, “This is Callista head of sales, Zarina head of engineering and sciences, and Dexton our lawyer, well one of many, and this brilliant man is Xavix. He’s the Director of Colonization for the United World Systems.”

   Pleasantries were exchanged and Wallis’s secretary handed Greer a half full glass of champagne.

   “What do you need to speak to me about?” Greer asked.

   “Straight to business? Take some time to admire my new cassowary! Here let me show you,” Wallis herded Greer with another firm hand on the shoulder. “I just got this beauty a few days ago.”

  The large mechanical bird turned its head towards the pair, two amber glowing eyes stared back at them. The beak opened and a tinny squawk forced its way out. It took a few steps ahead, stretched out the wings, and flapped a few times.

   “Isn’t it stunning?” inquired Wallis.

   “Wonderful,” Greer deadpanned. Greer furrowed his brow at the bird, “What is it again?”

   “A cassowary. The real ones on Earth are aggressive and can kill a person with its claws.”

“It adds comfort to the place.”

   “More of a touch of elegance I think,” Wallis either ignored or missed Greer’s dry sarcasm. “Listen,” he turned Greer back towards the staff and leaned into him, “We had a situation where a Terra Corp employee mistook one of your employees as a raider…pirate…marauder…and fired at them.”

   “She nearly died when the bullet tore her suit and exposed her to vacuum.”

“One I humbly apologise for.”

“And lost a hand.”

“I heard she had a limb regrowth procedure?”

“She did.”

“Well she’s good as new if not better! You see this mishap between her and one of my men has weighed heavily on me. I would like to make it up to you and your crew.” Wallis pushed a button on his desk and the hologram of a four planet system appeared. He continued, “Have you heard of the Basilicus System?”

“In passing.”

“The UWS has been in the Basilicus System for the past seventy years and has just announced that it is ready for colonization. Terra Corp has been given the first permit to begin working the grounds of Basilicus!”

Greer read the eagerly waiting faces of the staff, “And?”

“Terra Corp is a bit under financial strain-”

“I couldn’t tell,” Greer recalled his early sight of the celebration outside. 

Wallis chuckled sheepishly and continued, “we just can’t take a whole fleet out that far without getting a lay of the lands and resource samples and showing those refined resources to our board and investors.”

“How far out?”

Xavix butted in, “Two parsecs from Arcadia. Sixty three years each way if you go there straight from here. Sixty years if you go back through The Ring Network. ”

“A hundred twenty-six years!” Greer choked.

“But we can reduce that to fifty seven years both ways if we give you a new state-of-the-art ship,” Wallis persuaded.

“For a twelve year difference, we are not giving up the Sleipnir.”

Wallis picked up the champagne glass and balanced it between his fingers. He studied Greer’s face for a few seconds. Wallis teased, “There are five million credits on the table for this mission. Five million credits for each crew member. Imagine what you could do with five million credits. You could buy a penthouse on Mars, or Titan, or a house with acres of land on the lush green planets of Andromeda or Rhea with more than enough left over for the end of your days; buy fine things for your wife…or husband! Maybe for your future children? And out of this you get a new space transportation system, which includes the new model of suspended animation pods, Generation Nine nuclear pulse engine, and other luxuries for a long trip…”

Greer swallowed the rest of his champagne, “I need to discuss this with my crew and see what they say.”

“Of course. But we need an answer tomorrow. Time is ticking and we are eager to get this to work for the long term goal of Terra Corp.”

“What’s the long term goal? “Expansion. On Earth 19th century Americans believed in Manifest Destiny. The virtue, mission, and destiny of the United States was to spread its way of life across the country. We aim to do the same for the betterment of our people…of all people. We still have the desire; the need; the want to explore and go further than ever before. And Basilicus has four planets, and their moons, with an abundance of wealth waiting to be plucked from its virgin lands.”

A lump grew in Greer’s throat, “I’ll talk to them.”

“Persuade them.”

Xavix stepped forward, “Do any of them have mining or harvesting experience?”

“No,” Greer responded.

“I can add one of my employees to your crew. I’ll see to it personally you’ll get the best and provide training for you and your crew. Paid by me.”

“And what exactly will we be doing-”

“-I’m afraid I can’t tell you any more until you and your crew agree to the mission.”

The staff appeared to salviate as they silently waited for Greer’s answer, their fingers wrapped tightly around the stem of the champagne glasses. Their breaths trapped in their lungs and lips pursed.

“If the answer is yes,” Wallis asserted,, “bring your crew tomorrow morning.” 

****************************************************

“How long?” Murtry inquired as he crossed his arms. 

“Fifty-seven to sixty-three years. So a total of a hundred fourteen to hundred twenty six Earth years. Plus however long it takes us to get these ‘resources’,” Greer replied.

A collective groan came from the crew.

“We’re already twenty years out from when most of us left Earth,” Keane stated. She jolted out of her chair in the mess room of their ship, Sleipnir, to the cabinet that stored the libations.

“What’s adding a hundred to it?” Allard sighed, “Perhaps they’ve already forgotten about us on Earth and we can go back?”

“Not likely with the UN in charge. They keep permanent records,” Murtry interjected. “I may not be able to go back to Earth, but I don’t plan on being a star sailor for the rest of my life.”

“Born and bred ground pounder?” Greer asked Murtry as he followed Keane to grab glasses and she pulled out the whiskey.

“Exactly! I would like to settle on some bountiful rock, and five million credits will get that for me.”

“Five million credits from a corporation that has built its empire on blood and exploitation? All they ever were fines, freeze orders, and strikes, ” Keane complained. 

“Why not? They’ll be out of twenty million dollars with us on board!” Murtry retorted.

“But what did the UWS find out there that’s worthy of investing twenty million dollars, a pulse engine ship, and then the time it’ll take to get there and back? Must be something highly valuable.”

“And we would have to have one of their employees with us,” Allard added.

“I’m not comfortable with that and I want our own AI installed on the ship. If we’re going,” Keane insisted. 

“I agree, I don’t want one of their employees with us,” Greer moved to the table with three glasses of whiskey for each and sat beside Murtry leaving Keane the only one standing sipping the liquor.

Murtry gulped down the whiskey, “So what we do? Hire a floater? Unsavoury characters.”

“Kettle calling the pot,” Allard hummed.

“It’s pot calling the kettle.”

“Are you sure?”

The three nodded their heads towards Allard.

“It may seem strange to hear this from me, but Terra Corp is a double-edge sword. They’re a necessary evil. I know evil, I’m well acquainted with it. I’m slowly coming around from what I’ve done. And…I…it’s been more than twenty years since I’ve last set foot on Earth. The people I care about are either dead, dying, or don’t want to talk to me anymore. Or a combination of the latter. So why not travel the parsecs to the farthest reaches humans have gone and see worlds that haven’t been seen in person?” Murtry reasoned.

Keane stared at her boots; the soles were worn and on the edge of tearing, the original laces snapped ages ago and replaced with new ones.  

“What do you think?” Greer asked Keane. “Are you in?”

Keane clenched her jaw before looking up at him, “Let me sleep on it.”

“That’s okay. We can finish discussing this over breakfast and a plan on recruiting a fifth.”

Allard finished her whiskey. “You know what they want us to get?”

“Wallis wouldn’t tell me until we accepted the offer.”

“That’s dubious and not surprising,” Keane stated. She looked down at her boots again and thought how nice it would be to have a new pair that weren’t bought with tainted credits.

Trees, dirt, sand, metal, and blood, all at once. The sun was warm and the wind gentle. Keane tried to convinced herself  the desert in the middle of mountains was a dream and not an actual experience.

******************************************************************************

She was up first, waiting by the entrance of the docking arm to their ship. Her arms were wrapped around her trying to stay warm despite having a wool jumper on. Murtry greeted her with a cursory glance.

“I don’t want a ten minute story in a five minute bag. Too early and no coffee for that shit. Are you onboard for this? Honestly,” Murtry yawned and propped himself up on the wall.

She looked down at her worn boots, “It’s money. Which we all need,” 

“Yes.”

She shrugged, “It’ll be exciting to go to a new star system. One of the first to really see these planets and get into their dirt.”

“You should have been a scientist.”

“I was an engineer.”

Murtry lowered his tone, “Soon enough people will accept your kind and you won’t have to hide.”

Keane gave a shy smile, “You mean that?”

“I may have the face of an arsehole, the walk of an arsehole, and sound like an arsehole,” they both chuckled, “but I am sincere in what I’ve said. If it wasn’t for your…modification you would have died on that rock.”

Keane’s breath deepened. “I’m still human,” she smiled and part of her fringe fell over her face.

Without thinking, Murtry gently swept the ginger hairs aside, “Of course.”

The sound of footsteps approached. 

“Waffles! Pancakes! Sausage! Mimosas!” Allard cheered as she made her way through the docking arm. Greer dragged feet behind her, he pulled a polar over his head .

“No alcohol,” yawned Greer as he tried to smooth down his short brown hair.

“How are you so cheerful every morning?” groaned Murtry as he turned away headed for the mess halls.

Allard ran to meet Murtry’s pace, “Because each time I wake up, I’m so happy to be alive. Arrête d’être grincheux!” 

Smörgåsbord dining hall was quiet this early phase, or morning as ground pounders called it. A few tables were occupied but the chatter was low and infrequent. Kitchen workers filled the buffet with an assortment of breakfast foods. Allard swiped her credit card first and dashed to the buffet without waiting for the rest of the crew.

“The coffee smells so delightful!” Murtry moaned out in near ecstasy. 

Keane paced in front of him and smiled in agreement. She eyed the coffee station with hungry eyes and was thinking about a large cup of black coffee, but a patron caught her attention. It was the man who was in the bed beside her hyperbaric chamber. His new arm was completed and he was massaging it softly.

Good for him, she thought. His face wasn’t shaven, clothing showed their age, and dirt clung to his boots. He must be a floater, an unusually attractive floater. She looked behind to get another glance and their eyes met. I’ve seen him somewhere before. Before the incident. Keane snapped her head around and poured her first cup of coffee.

Allard placed her plate down a few tables over from the man by the wall. Her mouth was already full with food when Keane set down a cup of coffee for Allard.

“Je t’adore!” Blow kisses were exchanged.

Food was being shovelled into mouths and condiments were passed around. “I’m in,” Keane traced a flower in the maple syrup on the plate in front of her.

Greer patted her back, “Good, good. I’m glad you decided to stick with us.”

“Someone has to save your asses. Arses.” They shared a laugh. Keane continued in a whisper, “Who knows, maybe Terra Corp will go under by the time we get back?”

“Cheers to that,” Murtry raised his mug, “so, what are we going to do about finding a harvester?”

The man’s ears perked up and looked over at their table, Keane caught his movement in her peripheral. 

“Suppose we’ll go down to the docks and see if there’s any contractors or floaters. Plenty of decent Belters,” Greer thought out loud.

“There’s a job agency here yes?” Allard asked as she leaned back with her cup of coffee.

“Yeah. I suppose that would be the first place. We can’t just get anyone. We need someone trustworthy who’s not going to murder. Someone who can do the job…whatever it is exactly. And…not murder us and or steal from us,” Greer trailed off. 

“You’re really worried about someone murdering us?”, Keane laughed, “I guess we have to vet them first.”

“I can get a background check on someone quickly,” Greer reasoned.

“No, no. I know what you mean. But if we are required to hire this harvester, then at least we go the contractor route. Anyone who won’t sign a contract can’t be trusted.”

“Right,” Murtry agreed, “it’s why we avoid the floaters. Possibly avoid Belters, they-”

“-Why won’t those people do contracts anyways? The floaters I mean,” Keane wondered. 

“I think it has something to do with the legal fees. And maybe principles,” Murtry rolled his eyes.   

“It’s mainly the legal fees,” a voice boomed to the group. In unison the crew turned towards the man who approached them with a stride of confidence that cut the air he moved through. 

“Legal fees shouldn’t scare anyone in need of work.”

“Well some folks are in rough situations that don’t allow them the comfort of throwing credits to lawyers,” the man’s voice was accented with a drawl, “and so they turn to the honour of word and hard work.”

“So we just rely on the word on some floater to uphold their end of the bargain?”

“What’s a contract going to do for you out in The Empty when you’re faced with someone stronger than you?”

Murtry glared at him.

“Clearly you have an interest,” Greer chided, “since you’ve listened to our conversation.”

“My apologies, but I do good sir,” the man claimed. He sat down at the table next to Greer, “I’m Ezra.” He extended his arm towards Greer.

Hesitantly, Greer accepted the handshake, “I’m Greer. These here are Allard, Keane, and Murtry.”

“Surname basis I see.”

“It’s standard. What’s yours?”

“That’s a tale and a half,” Ezra advised as Murtry rolled his eyes, “but I go by my mother’s name Reyes.”

“Ezra Reyes?” questioned Keane.

“It’s a strange combination for sure. My mother and father came from two very different backgrounds, but fell in love regardless.”

“So what can you offer us?” Greer returned to the point of this meeting.

“I am a floater, yes, but I may have the skills you desire for this fifth wheel.” 

Greer looked over Ezra’s shoulders as more people filtered into the dining hall. “How long have you been doing what you’ve been doing? What do you do?”

Ezra took in a breath. “I have been harvesting all over the inhabited systems since I was a spry teenager. Plants, gems, a variety of metals and foul smelling liquids to keep structures like Arcadia spinning and our ships flying. And I am willing to sign a contract.”

“You are?” Murtry blurted.

“I am. I am a man of my word. Now what is that you’ll have me do and where are we going?”

The group collective drew a breath and it was Greer who spoke, “We are going somewhere far to harvest samples of some material.” Greer carefully described.

“Well that is nebulous.”

“It’s for Terra Corp.”

Ezra gave pause upon Terra Corp being mentioned. “I suppose I am sitting in front of some well-accomplished team to have caught the eyes of one of the most powerful companies in the occupied Universe.”

“It’s basically an adventure of a lifetime and good money,” Keane cracked her neck.

“Yeah and far away to the outer edges of the travelled galaxy,” Murtry huffed.

Ezra’s curiosity peaked, “How far is the travel and how much are they offering?” He was met with apprehensive glances, “It’s a large sum of money?”

Greer ran a hand through his hair. “Two parsecs away and payment is in the millions.”

Ezra’s eyes widened, “Oh. I’ll be honest that caught me off guard,” he gave a weary smile, “My math isn’t the greatest, but I do believe that’s over a century of travel is it not?”

Keane finished her coffee, “Correct. A hundred and-”

“-twenty six years,” the crew said in unison. 

“That’s an awfully long time. What do your loved ones say?” Ezra said as he flexed his new right arm and shook it a few times. 

The crew found themselves in another round of meaningful silence which Keane broke, “we don’t have anyone but ourselves. We’re loners, we’re rebels.” She smiled to lighten the mood and Ezra smiled back.

“I like you,” he pointed at her. “I find that hard to believe that not one person in this part of the galaxy wants to be around any of you, except for this curmudgeon,” he nodded towards Murtry. 

“Like I said, we’re rebels.”

“And what are you rebelling against?”

Keane sighed and gathered her thoughts for a second, she looked to her crew but none of them were interested in talking to a stranger about where they were from and why they were out this far from home. “Join us and maybe we’ll tell you.”

Murtry scrunched his eyes closed, Allard nudged Keane with a flirtatious smile, and Greer couldn’t help but grin.

“I have been known to go great lengths for a good story, but I will admit a century of travel is intimidating.”

“You’re willing to spend that century with strangers? You don’t have anyone?”

“No I don’t,” Ezra lied, “I’m a floater. For now.”

Greer looked Ezra over, “We’re meeting with Terra soon. You have more presentable clothing?”

“Why yes I do own interview clothes,” joked Ezra.

Tag list. If you do not want to be on this please message me. I have tagged people who requested it and those who I think may be interested.

@opheliaelysia @a-carnie-and-a-cop @1-800-fandomtrashqueen @tarrevizslas  @dindjarindiaries @pedropascalisadilf @pedropascalito @maiden-of-asgard @rzrcrst @lizanotfromaroundhere @aint-that-a-mcfreakin-bitch @spacegayofficial @opheliaelysia

[in-a-cave-with]

What are your favorite fanfictions based in any of the Marvel comics universes?

ok this is certainly a . question. lmao . so i..have bookmarked like Three 616 fic on my actual ao3 account and i honestly dont know why. i have read so much 616 fic but i never bothered to make it a habit to .. save them . so rip me. this will be an incomplete list! huge f in the chat lads

there’s also the issue of like. pretty much all of the comics fic i like being, uh, stevetony. im a loser.

anyway.

When The Lights Go On Again by elspethdixon, seanchaiSummary: Aliens have invaded earth, and the Avengers are scattered. While Steve leads the resistance, Tony once again finds himself playing captive scientist. In the midst of a violent alien regime, separated by seemingly insurmountable boundaries, Steve and Tony have nothing to keep themselves going but each other.rec note: i JUST read this fic and it ruined my life. go read it and ruin your life too

Resurrection, Reconstruction & Redemption by elspethdixon, seanchaiSummary: Doom brings Steve back from the dead. Hijinks ensue, some of which might vaugely be considered plot.rec note: a classic! i think this was the first stevetony fic posted to ao3? you should def go ahead and read the rest of the series (yes it is a series yes it is 300k+ words yes it is worth it)

The Roughest Day by elspethdixon, seanchaiSummary: Steve is in a motorcycle accident, Tony catches a cold, and someone is after the New Avengers.rec note: this gives me warm fuzzies because it’s the new avengers avenging and there isn’t enough of that

King of Infinite Space by elspethdixon, seanchaiSummary: A villain from Tony’s past comes back to cause trouble for the Avengers. Maybe it wouldn’t have been so easy, if things weren’t already so awkward over the events of Execute Program.rec note: it’s not a tony stan created reclist if there isn’t a tiberius stone fic somewhere on it

Winter Is All Over You by KiyaarSummary: Tony can’t remember why he’s running.rec note: *soft wheezing noises* oh,

My Mallory Heart [Add Violence Remix] by KiyaarSummary: He keeps seeing that bundle of metal set into Tony’s bare chest, the raw edges around it like Tony’s body was rejecting it. Keeps wondering: what have you done to yourself this time.rec note: *incoherent blubbering*

Sea Stars by MuccamukkSummary: Steve comes back to life somewhere entirely unexpected; Tony doesn’t remember being a hero; something is rotten in the province of British Columbia, and the 2010 Olympics are doomed.rec note: i LIVE for this fic it’s so good. the setting…the mystery…the characterization…top notch

Indelible by PenumbrenSummary: When an experiment goes awry, Tony thinks he may have found an answer to his problems and Steve faces something he’s been avoiding for a very long time.rec note: this turned out to be way sadder than i thought it was going to be

(Not So) Lonely At The Top by foldingcranesSummary: Riri has a bad day, and Tony tries to be An Emotionally Available Adult for her. It doesn’t go so bad.rec note: there isn’t enough riri fic out there…

if you leave by CapnShellheadSummary: After so many months passing each other in silence, Steve and Tony find a marriage counselor to try to work through their issues with communication.rec note: warning: fic is akin to a bat swung to the knees

Marvels: The Bloodstone Odyssey by teaberryblueSummary: The year is 1940. In the middle of the Blitz, Tony Stark and Pepper Potts set out to London to recover Howard Stark’s lost work. But it turns out that they’re not the only ones hunting for it. Tony finds himself contending with Nazis, crooks, and perhaps his most formidable adversary yet: a scrawny, asthmatic, bullheaded kid named Steve Rogers.rec note: this gives me huge indiana jones vibes and it’s GREAT

Emanata (The Comics Will Break Your Heart Remix) by teaberryblueSummary: Steve Rogers has the opportunity to fulfill his childhood dreams of becoming a comic artist when eccentric billionaire, superhero patron, and obsessive comic enthusiast Tony Stark offers him a job drawing Iron Man. But Tony Stark has no idea that Steve Rogers is really Captain America, the newest member of the Avengers. And Iron Man has no idea that Captain America is really Steve Rogers, up-and-coming comic book artist. And Steve doesn’t know what to do about the fact that he’s falling head over heels for them both.rec note: this one has a special place in my heart bc it’s the one that got me into 616 stevetony! the identity shenanigans make my head hurt and i love it

Genesis by teaberryblueSummary: Reluctant to make the truth about their secret weapon known, the American Government tells the world that Captain America is a man named Steve Rogers. According to public record, he died, tragically, in 1945, and he became legend. In 1998, the Avengers find a body trapped in ice. She’s alive. Her name is Eve. She has Captain America’s shield.rec note: i think this is the..only steve centric fic here lmao . and also technically this is a mix of 616/mcu/ults but i’m still putting it here bc it’s…very good

Highest fall you’ll ever grace by laireshiSummary: “You’ll probably want these back,” Tony says at last, and it hurts almost physically to pull the dog tags over his head and offer them to Steve. But they never really belonged to Tony, did they? Steve seems to hesitate for a second, but then he takes his dog tags with a weird expression. “Yeah,” he says. “They’re mine.”rec note: *clutches heart* hhhh

Transmission by laireshiSummary: The incursions are stopped. Steve hopes for things to go back to normal. Instead, he finds himself stranded in an alternate universe with Tony. Getting home won’t be easy. There are too many things they haven’t told each other, too many arguments they’ve never solved. Now, with just each other for company, they might have to face them all—especially as they seem to be telepathically bonded, and can’t keep anything unsaid anymore.rec note: oh boy am i a sucker for Stevetony Finding Out About The Confession

Chasing Shadows by laireshiSummary: Steve is still adjusting to the future. Tony hopes he is helping, but Steve’s and Iron Man’s morals might be too different for them to work together. Then Steve starts to act strangely, and all Tony can do is chase at shadows.rec note: this fic hurt me . that’s it that’s all i have to say

The Counselors Are In by cptxrogersSummary: Steve and Tony from Avengers Assemble open a counseling service for all the other Steves and Tonys from across the multiverse. God knows they need it.rec note: come on Other Universes GET IT TOGETHER

Think of This as Solving Problems (That Should Never Have Occurred) by SinealaSummary: No one knows Tony is Iron Man. Then Tony gets amnesia, and literally no one knows Tony is Iron Man.rec note: ok here comes the sineala spam in the reclist lmao

The Jar by SinealaSummary: The Avengers are ridiculously competitive people, and what starts out as a silly late-night team discussion quickly becomes a contest: their names. Not the code names – the nicknames. Who can go the longest without using them? They pledge to spend a week not nicknaming each other, and they’ll pay up every time they mess up. This hits Tony the hardest, and not just financially. Tony’s got a lot of nicknames for everyone, but most of all for Steve – and when Tony can’t use the names he’s already got, the names he uses reveal feelings he had no idea he had.rec note: super cute! lov those funky avenging dudes

Changeling by SinealaSummary: Instead of deleting his entire brain and reloading from a backup, Tony attempts to erase just the SHRA database from his mind. As Steve later finds out, this is unfortunately not what he actually did.rec note: *ugly sobbing* ttngngjfgnTONY ,.,,,,CAROLLLLL ,,FDF..,,KSDJBVSD ,,,S T E V E..,,,, FVKJD,,,,SFDJKDNFVNKDJFD

If You Want to Live (The Historical Present Remix) by SinealaSummary: The Civil War is over. The SHRA is gone. Steve has been brought back to life. He’s settling into his new duties as America’s top cop. His longtime friendship with Carol Danvers – Avenger, former director of SHIELD, and former leader of the pro-Registration forces – is now a tenuous one. But something is very wrong in the world. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. Someone is missing. Tony Stark was killed at the age of seventeen, and it’s up to Steve to travel into the past to save a man he doesn’t remember from a man he knows all too well: a mysterious assassin from another time and place, a man with a metal arm. And the truth is more complicated than anyone could ever have guessed.rec note: super interesting fic! the Plot is,,……. some güd shit

Straight on till Morning by SinealaSummary: Tony Stark resigned his commission in Starfleet five years ago, after a disastrous away mission, and he swore he’d never go back. He just wants to be left alone to build warp engines in peace. But the universe has more in store for him than that, as he discovers when Admiral Fury comes to him with an offer he could never have expected and cannot possibly refuse: first officer and chief engineer aboard the all-new USS Avenger, a starship of Tony’s own design. What’s more, the Avenger’s captain is Steve Rogers, hero of the Earth-Romulan War. Believed dead for over a century, Steve is miraculously alive… and very, very attractive. But nothing is ever easy for Tony. As he wrestles with his secret desire for his new captain and his not-so-dormant fears, another mission starts to go wrong, and Tony becomes aware that Steve has secrets of his own – and the truth could change everything.rec note: ok there is, like, really weird porn in this fic but it’s a STAR TREK CROSSOVER and that’s all that really matters. and also it’s very heartfelt and the action is  r e a l l y   i n t e n s e

Your Name on Every Wall by SinealaSummary: The Time Gem throws Steve into the past rather than the future, and in doing so, it gives him the opportunity to undo his past mistakes. But when it turns out that all of his mistakes involve Tony Stark, Steve begins to wonder if he’s ever going to be able to mend things between them.rec note: wow…….stevetony…….. am i right boys?

Get Some Now by SinealaSummary: Avengers Mansion has a mysterious feline infestation. Meanwhile, Steve just can’t figure out how to ask Tony out on a date. And the thirteen teleporting cats sure aren’t helping matters any.rec note: as you all may know. i am an active member of the “tony…..but give him a cat” movement and this fic brings me great joy

Sucker Punch by Sineala Summary: Steve never quite warms to Tony Stark, Avengers benefactor. The Molecule Man never strips Iron Man out of his armor. Life goes on for the Avengers, but as disagreements split the team – and Shellhead and Winghead – again and again, Steve wonders why Iron Man always picks Tony over him. And when Steve finds out, it happens in the worst way possible.rec note: and here is a fic that does NOT bring me great joy and instead goes out of its way to hurt me in every way it can

Tony Stark Advises The Avengers by copperbadgeSummary: Somehow, Tony Stark ended up Team Dad.rec note: ANAD AVENGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zero Sum by CraitSummary: Did you do your best, Anthony? And did your best only make things worse?rec note: let ao3 user crait write marvel comics, they clearly understand tony’s character better than anyone who’s written him in the past 10 years

[littleandroidwrites]

a self para in shade claude dawoud

ft. hattie michaelson, because! imagine if i answered memes instead of doing flashback self paras. ugh i’d be too powerful.

It was dark, because it was late, but Claude wasn’t tired because when was he? Constant beast mode, twenty-four seven, three sixty fucking five.

Except, he was sitting down now, because Jesus Christ had he been lifting Hattie on and off for three hours.

“You’re not stretching.” Hattie said. Claude looked at her across from him on the mats, her legs out either side of her in a perfect split that Claude found both impressive and unnecessary. “If you don’t stretch, your muscles are going to –”

“Don’t lecture me about the body, Harriet.” Claude said, although notably he was now straightening from his slumped positioin, legs stretching out in front of himself. “I know all about the body.” 

Hattie didn’t respond to that, which he figured meant she was tired too. On top of their usual sessions, Aunt Alena had the both of them coming along to junior classes to do mini recitals for them, because some of the six year olds needed a little inspiration. I never needed inspiration, Hattie had said, but somehow it was still her and not Sloane who’d ended up getting roped into it. And Claude, because, well, he liked doing shit. Whether it was ballet or track or getting his loved ones in headlocks, Claude was only really fully himself when he was one hundred and ten percent something. Not one hundred and ten percent in something, but really it. When Claude danced, he was swift moving fluid that could snap into graceful lines at will. When Claude ran, he was a system made to pump adrenaline and move muscle to propel itself forward as quickly as possible. 

When Claude got people into headlocks – well actually in those moments, he was just being himself. But he was one hundred and ten percent himself, which was what mattered.

See, Hattie was like him in as much a way as someone who was entirely unlike him could be. Claude understood himself better through understanding his pseudo-cousin. Where he did things to expand, Hattie did things to contain. But they they still both felt an overwhelming desire to do, to keeping doing, to lose themselves inside of it. It was pure fucking chaos to Claude that when he jumped high into the air to do a sissonne, he had to make his body do exactly the opposite of what it wanted, to bend it into a beautiful shape, to make it land on one foot even though every instinct in his body was screaming you’re gonna break your fuckin’ leg. Hattie said she liked it because it meant she was in control. Claude knew that meant she thought sometimes she was gonna break a fucking leg, too. 

So anyway, here they were at eleven at night in the ballet studio that Aunt Alena had left them a key to. It was the third storey of a victorian-imitation building, which mostly just meant the rooms were big and echo-y and the floors were made of cherry wood. Mirrors lined one wall floor to ceiling, paned windows the other, and barres lined pretty much whatever free wall space was left. Street lights were a blur in the sky outside, dwarfed by the bright white light coming from a gentle hum above their heads. 

It seemed like kinda overkill to have the whole studio lit up like this just for the two of them, but a handful of hours ago there’d been a whole class of little kids, and then they’d kinda accidentally burned a few more hours practicing. Which wasn’t really that surprising to either of them. Claude was pretty sure Hattie didn’t spend a single second of her day doing nothing, which, samesies. That was why they always got along in a funny way. The difference was Claude still managed to have a life inside of his doing things. 

“Is Sloane still hanging around Paisley?” 

He bowed forward when he asked it, arms reaching for his toes. A familiar burn washed over the muscles of his lower back, and Claude went further, leaning into the sensation. 

“Hanging around.” He heard Hattie mumble. “Her girlfriend, you mean.” 

“Duh.” He sat back up, tucked his arm behind his head. 

“Yes. I think they’re fairly compatible, actually.” Hattie’s head angled to the left, followed by her torso, and she breathed into a side-stretch. “Sloane’s talking about moving in with her. I think they’re pretty serious.” 

Maybe, maybe not. Truth be told, Claude didn’t really care how serious Sloane was about her relationship. It was just that this was a good way to turn the topic around to that one time when Claude had been at Aunt Alena’s, and Paisley and her brother were there. 

And her sister.

“S’cute.” He said, because it was, right? Young love. And then, in a very casual way, “Does that mean River and Celeste are at yours all the time?” 

Now Hattie curled herself upright to frown at him. “Why would they be?” 

Claude shrugged. “Dunno. Aren’t your moms real close anyway? I thought maybe since a couple of their kids are together –”

“Not true.” Now Hattie listed forward slowly, hair falling in waves around her face before she fluidly came back up again. “I can’t be bothered to have a fake conversation with you. Say what you mean or be quiet.” 

“Dickhead. Can’t I just want to have a conversa–”

“Stop talking, Claude.” 

Fucks sake. He should’ve tried Sloane. “Fine. Fuck.” 

And they were quiet for a couple minutes. Eventually Claude got bored of stretching, leaned back on his elbows and settled for rolling his ankles. He noted that his leotard was too fucking close to his skin colour. Either he had to get a tan or he was buying green leggings. Maybe both. 

Except, now Hattie was looking at him.

“What?” 

“Nothing.”

“Liar! What?” 

“Well, obviously you want to know something about River or Celeste.” Hattie pursed her lips. “I’m just trying to figure out what.”

“I thought you were done with the conversation.”

“Done with you wasting my time, not caring what you had to say.” 

Aw. Claude smiled. “You fucking love me.” 

“I grew up with you. We see a lot of each other.” Hattie said it in the way that she said some things, like they were dismissals rather than just explanations. But Claude wasn’t gonna educate her on the spectrum of human emotion today. He was busy getting what he wanted. “Be honest. You’re interested in Celeste, aren’t you?” 

Celeste. It was such a pretty name. It fit her so well. Like celestial, like heavenly, like stars, like her eyes. 

He said, “Nah.” 

“Then River.”

“What? No.” 

Hattie’s expression turned smug. “So you do like Celeste.” 

“Didn’t I just say no to both?”

“Yes, but you were more incredulous when I asked you about River. Which either means on some level you were already comfortable with the idea of liking Celeste and therefore your reaction was more muted to that suggestion, or you’re a homophobe.” 

“Fuck off! I’m not a homophobe.” Claude sat up, scowling. “My dad’s gay. Both of my dads are gay! And I tell my guy friends I love them all the time!”

Hattie nodded. “So you like Celeste.”

“No!” Claude insisted. Hattie raised her eyebrows. “No.” She raised them higher. “Okay, so?!” 

Hattie sighed. “If you’d just trusted me to begin with, I wouldn’t have had to manipulate you like that. And for the record, saying you don’t like a man doesn’t make you a homophobe.” 

Claude grumbled, “I know that.” 

She shrugged. “Just so we’re on the same page.” 

Fucking Hattie. If she were so smart she would’ve known Claude had been obsessed with Celeste since they were sophmores, anyway. But then again she wasn’t great at those kinds of things, people things. She could tell you the square root of one thousand and forty eight (did all numbers have a square root or just special ones? Fuck if Claude had ever paid attention in, what was it, geometry?) in under five seconds, but put her in the middle of a crowded room with no structure or expectation to deliver a presentation on the solar system, and she was lost. 

He guessed he should give her a break. This was probably a big revelation to her. Maybe he was proud she knew people even liked other people at all. 

“What was it you wanted to know about her, then?” She asked, folding her legs criss-cross applesauce. 

Claude shrugged, easing back onto his palms. He was being coy, of course. He knew what he wanted to hear about. “I don’t know. Just wondered what she was up to. Hey, is she still seeing –”

“She’s still with Sebastian.” 

“Fucks sake.” 

“Yes. I think it’s been,” Hattie paused briefly to frown at the ceiling. “Four and a half years.” 

“They gotta be stale by now.” Claude muttered, which Hattie rolled her eyes at. “Seriously. Who dates someone when they’re fifteen and keeps the magic alive?” 

Hattie pursed her lips. “Sebastian’s nice. Some people like that.”

He scowled. “What would you know about Bash?” 

“Well, he was on the row team all through high school, and he still does it in college, which takes a lot of discipline –”

“Like I haven’t been doing ballet since I was a fucking baby.” 

“— and when I was sick for a week in junior year, he brought me the homework and gave me his notes.” Hattie smiled. “Which was very courteous.” 

He said flatly, “And you somehow stopped yourself from jumping his bones.” 

“I think what I’m communicating to you, Claude,” Oh, she sounded stern. She didn’t like his joke. “Is that there’s very little crossover between you and Sebastian. And even if there was, Celeste seems very happy with him, so I doubt you’d have a chance regardless.” 

Shit news. The same shitty news he’d been getting for years now. 

But Claude could fucking rally. “I have a class with her this year, though. Maybe they’ll be broken up by then.” 

Hattie was getting to her feet. “Unlikely.” 

“Look, science-fucker, isn’t that the whole point of the old man’s cat? Until you see the situation, it has an equal chance of being and not fucking being. Ergo,” Now he was speaking her language, “Celeste has equally dumped and not dumped Bash. I just gotta get in there on the dumped side of things.” 

The look Hatte was giving him was one of – you know what? Claude was gonna call it admiration. 

“Schrodinger’s cat, and that’s not really how it works, no. It’s about the observed electron –”

Claude started getting to his feet, too. “Sparknotes, Harriet.”

“Well, we’ve all observed that they’re together, so as long as you’re causing pandemonium in this timeline? I think you’re out of luck.” 

He grabbed his bag and then Hattie’s, mostly because he knew how much she hated it when he tried to carry her shit for her. He threw them both over his shoulder, even as she tried to grab at hers. 

“So if it’s about being observed,” He said, walking to the door at a very casual pace as Hattie tugged him backward by the straps of their bags, “Then something else can happen unobserved.” 

“You don’t understand Shrodinger’s cat, Claude, stop acting like you d –”

“So maybe she can be with him and not be with him. When no one’s looking. You know?” That was a window.

He’d take that.

[suckerforsaikik]

Hypothetically, HYPOTHETICALLY, if someone were to write a Saiki Kusou no Psi nan crossover with assassination classroom. In your opinion, what would be the funniest, clever or most mysterious way to integrate him into class 3-E? (Assuming you've read/watched the series that is).

(this took way too long because i ended up binging the whole series for ‘research’)

Summary: Saiki tries to hide his psychic powers from the assassination classroom when he finds himself in their world.

Saiki needed to stop getting himself into these situations. He didn’t know which gods felt the need to torment him like they did, but an angry letter of complaint to their office wasn’t enough to make up for what happened.

It started as soon as he woke up. Approximately 0.0076 seconds after he got out of his bed, Saiki had noticed something wasn’t right.His limiter had fallen out during his sleep, and was now partially under the pillow. His bed and the better chunk of his room were submerged in sand, which went on for miles. Using his clairvoyance, Saiki still couldn’t see any people for a good 50 kilometres. He had found himself in the middle of the desert.

“Yare yare, I must’ve teleported.”

He then had tried teleporting to his house, but he couldn’t find it. He went through the whole neighbourhood, but his dad and mom didn’t seem to… exist? He even checked the whole country, But popping up all over Japan attracted the attention of a few parties.

And that eventually ended up with him here, With a government agent prattling on about whatever threat the world faced. After revealing his telekinesis on a surveillance camera (thankfully they never found out about his teleportation), the government of Japan had noticed him, and had immediately dragged him to a secret government bunker, talking about how they knew he had special powers. Not that he was listening. Instead, he was worrying over what had happened to everyone he know. The latest theory he had come up with was he had hopped a dimension. It only happened once before, and ended with him running from powerful espers from the 7th division of Claw. He soon realized it would take a day to get back to his normal dimension when he was trying to get back, so that was probably the minimum amount of time he’d have to spend here.

“What a cliche trope”  Saiki sighed. “I’ll just have to play along, I guess”

“-the reward is 30 billion yen to kill that yellow monster. Will you do it?” The annoying side character agent, who introduced himself as Shiro, finished.

Saiki rolled his eyes. Even if he’d rather spend the day taking advantage of this universe’s coffee jelly, he knew he couldn’t escape the plot. If he tried running, he would just get dragged back into it for some stupid reason, or he’d be pulled into another, more ridiculous, story. It was the only thing that could beat him.

A nod confirmed his alliance.

“Excellent! I’ll get you prepared.” Saiki’s mind-reading abilities told him Shiro wasn’t the most mentally stable, but he figured he’d have a few episodes before Shiro went full crazy.

“Time to get you enrolled in the assassination classroom.”

—

(Somewhere in a sketchy government facility)

A bloodstained report smacked onto the desk of the prime minister.

“We have intel.” the spy who had delivered the file spoke, with his toque shading his eyes, and you could only see his dark pupils drilling down into your head.

“What’s it aboot?” The prime minister’s eyes had seen his fair share of wars, they were dark and unbreakable like a beaver’s den. He pulled the files toward him, examining the files with the intensity of as if they were tickets to a professional hockey game.

“The Japanese have been keeping secrets from us, sir. They have been hosting a dangerous octopus creature, who says they’ll destroy the Earth next March.”

“Those bastards.” The prime minister stood up from his desk, causing his chair to scrape the floor as it moved away from him.

“When I’m done with them, I’ll show them no mercy.” He furrowed his brows. “I’d bet a toonie they thought we couldn’t help because we’re a ‘peaceful’ country. I’ll show them… when we BLOW UP THAT MONSTER OURSELVES!!”

“How do you plan to accomplish that, sir?”

“Heat seeking missiles. We aim it right at the students so that damn octopus can’t escape, then we bomb the whole thing with anti-teacher pellets.”

“Sorry for doubting your plan, sir.”

“Sorry for making you doubt my plan.”

“Sorry.”

“Sorry.”

—

“I hear we’re getting another student transfer, Kayano!” Nagisa stopped to chat with his fellow student on the way to their mountain school.

“Do you think they’ll be normal this time?” Kayana said.

“Doubtful” Itona appeared. “The only transfer students we have are freaks. I had tentacles, Ritsu’s an assassination machine, and Karma has too many problems to be ‘normal’.” he listed the transfer students’ ‘quirks’ on his fingers.

“You might want to stop insulting me,” behind Itona, Karma stood. He smirked, then said “But I wouldn’t disagree.”

Everyone made their way to class, where KoroSensei was waiting.

“Hello class.” He tittered. “ The new transfer student comes today, and he has ALREADY challenged me to a fight, so we’re moving quite fast. Ooh, telekinesis? How intriguing!”

After staring at the note intently, KoroSensei held it up, showing japanese kanas spelling out the time and place for meeting, along with the students known powers.

“Now please be patient, everyone. The student should arrive right–”

The door to the classroom blew open. Shiro stepped into the scene, with Saiki a few seconds behind him, yet already regretting it.

“Hi.” Saiki said.

Stepping into the classroom, The minds of the students told Saiki about the previous fights of different rivals of Korosensei. All of them had failed, obviously. They tried to kill him, got beaten badly, then learned the value of friendship and working together. It seemed that was what was expected of him as a transfer. Saiki could at least help speed the process up.

‘Alright,’ he thought, ‘ I guess I have to do it.’

He held up his hands in surrender.

“Oh no. You are too strong, I can see it now. There is no way I can beat you. I’m so sorry, Shiro, I guess I’m giving up.” He walked off to the empty seat in the corner of the classroom, right next to a window. He smirked. A few more hours and he’d be out of this classroom .

“W-What?!” Shiro sputtered, stepping closer to Saiki with an intent to murder, “You’re supposed to fight. Get up and KILL HIM!!” he reached to grab Saiki’s shoulder’s before Korosensei’s tentacles pulled him away.

“You’re not allowed to hurt any of my students, Shiro.” Korosensei said, smiling. “Please excuse yourself from this classroom.”

Shiro left, albeit slowly. Saiki’s recently created plan was going well.

As Korosensei started the lesson, a student with flashy red hair (‘Karma Akabane’ Saiki noticed) leaned over to talk to him from the other desk.

“So, I heard you had telekinesis.” Karma face was two inches from Saiki. Saiki couldn’t really deny his powers here. He nodded.

“Interesting!” His face was now just an inch away. “Can I have an example?”

Yare yare. Saiki waved his hands, and a spoon flew into his hand from a nearby lunchbox. Letting go of it so it could float on its own, the metal spoon bent before Karma’s widening eyes. He let out a gasp,  making everyone turn to see the spoon that was levitating thanks to a certain psychic’s powers. Now he had an audience.

“Wow! I guess it’s true. How much power do you have?  Can you lift a car? A train? Could you fix the moon?”

“Why would I need to-” Shoot. That was close to revealing himself as an outsider. His telepathy showed him the broken crescent moon that all the class was thinking about. Could he fix it? He would have to take out his limiter and turn it back seven years, though it wouldn’t be hard theoretically. But if he said yes, that would mean they would ask him to fix it. It also wouldn’t make sense to how he could fix a whole moon and not defeat a yellow octopus man. Lying was the better option here. “I mean, no, Nothing bigger than spoons.”

“Um, okay.” The whole class was staring at him now. He could tell they were suspicious. He just had to switch the subject, and then they would forget.

“So what are those weird pink balls on your head?”

Shoot. He had forgotten to telepathically suggest they were hairpins. Being the center of attention was too dangerous.

“They’re my hairpins.” Everyone seemed to accept that, thank the gods.

“Wow! Can I pull them out and see them?” one classmate reached for his head.

“No.”

Yare yare. He might not survive today.

—

As Saiki was being tortured by the students of 3-E, Korosensei was sitting read The Great Gatsby. Even when he was thoroughly enjoying his book, his nose caught the faint smell of chemicals. Normally this wouldn’t be the biggest issue, but the chemicals were a fuel-oxidizer mixture, they were up in the air, and they were coming closer at a rate too fast to be a plane. Missiles, then. He could smell out the steam of infrared electricity, so they were heat-seeking missiles, specifically. Why would anyone send heat-seeking missiles to him? He didn’t produce that much heat, so the missile would more likely go to actual people like-

The children.

They were aiming for the schoolchildren, to keep him here. Korosensei couldn’t smell it now, but he bet there was also an anti-sensei missile searing through the sky towards him.

How could he solve this? He needed to stop the missiles, firstly. Should he tell the students? No, that would only worry them about problem with an obvious solution.

He flew off from his desk in the classroom. At Mach 20, disabling the missiles would be easier than stopping them physically with his lack of strength. Then he would have to bury them in the ocean, or maybe space. Speeding up to the closest missile, he noticed a Canadian flag design on its side.

“Canada, hmm? It’s always the quiet ones.”

He tried to open up the hatch to the missiles wires, but his tentacles burst as he touched the metal plating.

“Anti-sensei plating.” that made it harder. He could go back and grab his napkin to hold it, but he couldn’t navigate the wire system accurately with such a huge handicap. The only option was to evacuate the students and hopefully get out of the missiles range.

He flew back to the classroom, where a certain psychic was sitting.

Of course, Saiki knew about the missiles. With a quick check using clairvoyance, he counted 3 in total. Heading straight for them at about Mach 15. There was enough explosives to decimate the whole mountain. Korosensei may try and save all his students, but there were only 20 seconds left. He wouldn’t make it.

Korosensei quickly shoved his students out the door of the classroom.  He talked quickly as he persuaded them out of the building, but he was too agitated to fully explain the situation. Now there were 15 seconds. The missiles could be seen before Saiki and rest of the students were all outdoors. Everyone immediately realized what KoroSensei had been trying to do, and started to sprint, but no one here was fast enough to escape except Korosensei, and he would not abandon his students. 10 seconds. They seemed to realize the couldn’t outrun their death, so they just stood, motionless, wondering what would happen next. Less than 5 seconds left.

—

Saiki knew he had to do it. They would question it, and ask him why he hadn’t used his powers. But even if he hated confrontation, and talking, and socializing, that wouldn’t matter if they were dead. His rule of not interfering would be broken, but he could make an exception. No matter what excuse he made to himself, he knew he wouldn’t run away.

Two seconds left.

Saiki calmly stepped forwards to the missiles, putting himself in front of all his classmates. His hands stretched out before him. Like they were frozen in time, all three missiles slowed to a stop, five feet away from the students they were to kill.

But that was only a temporary solution. Taking out his limiter, Saiki set the missiles to seven years in the past. Plates of metal materialized to take their place, and fell to the grass. The clattered onto the ground unceremoniously

No one spoke.

“Wow.” Karma was the first to break the silence, “One question. How?”

“I’m uh… not from around here.” Saiki fiddled with his hands too much to be normal. He’d rather get hit by a missile than be asked awkward questions in front of a crowd.

“You’re American??!”

“No, that’s-” Why was everyone so stupid? “A bit farther than that.”

“You’re an alien!!”

“No…(Yare yare) well, close enough.”

“So why?” Nagisa asked. He seemed to have completely recovered from the shock of certain death, and now stood in his usual pose. Not cocky or reserved, but unfazed.

“Why what?”

“Why would you lie?”

“Because then you’d ask me to kill KoroSensei,” This much talking and honesty was getting uncomfortable. He might end up teleporting away from his problems.

“You can?”

Korosensei had gotten over the attempted bombing of his students and his regular smile was now imprinted on his face. “Now now, class, I’m sure he wouldn’t be able to,” he coughed. “So you aren’t remaining to study with our class?”

“No, I have 20 hours left in this universe”

“So you’re staying with us until then.”

“I was going to go and grab some coffee jelly from-”

“Great! We can teach you some assassination moves!”

They started to forcefully drag Saiki up the mountain, back into the classroom.

“So Saiki,” Karma said, in a cheery tone, “Can you fix the moon?”

“Yes, I’m powerful enough to.”

“Will you fix it, please?”

“No.”

[davidmann95]

So, what's the deal with Kingdom Hearts? I mean, it's a Disney/Final Fantasy crossover, right? Hard to see why would that cause such dedicated whatever.

I’ve had this in my drafts for a while, and given today’s the series’ 17th anniversary it seems like the time to finally get back and finish it. Simple answer: the music slaps and you just want the soft children to get to go home.

Long answer: Even now people joke about the baseline absurdity of a universe in which Donald Duck can go toe-to-toe with Cloud, and while I think 17 years in we’re past the point where it’s time to accept that this is just a part of the landscape for these characters, yes, that does remain objectively bonkers. It’s not a natural, intuitive combination like your JLA/Avengers, this is Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe-level “well, I suppose they both exist in…the, uh, medium of visual storytelling” stuff, other than I suppose that they both tend towards fantasy in this case. And then that whole wacko premise got hijacked by Tetsuya Nomura for an extended epoch-spanning drama driven by labyrinthine, (occasionally literal) dream logic mythology where it’s genuinely impossible to tell at this point what’s being thrown in by the seat of the creators’ pants and what was planned out since day one, pretty much casting aside the franchises that were in theory the main appeal as relevant parts of the plot even as you still hang out with Baymax from Big Hero 6. Step back even a touch, and there will always be a whiff of derangement about the entire affair - it’s simply baked in at this point.

My controversial opinion however: it’s actually good. There are structural issues and awkward moments and aspects ill-served, I’d never deny that, but even diehard lifelong Kingdom Hearts fans tend towards prefacing appreciation with at least two or three levels of irony and self-critique. I suppose it’s in part a response to the general reaction to it I mentioned before, but no, I absolutely think these are genuinely good, ambitious stories build on a foundation that’s still holding strong. An important note in service of that point: Winnie the Pooh, maybe Hercules, and with III Toy Story aside, I have basically zero childhood nostalgia for any of the properties involved. Wasn’t a huge Disney kid outside maybe very very early childhood, and only dabbled with Final Fantasy after the fact (still intend to play through XV someday though). It won me over young, yes, but on its own.

The building blocks help: the characters designs are great, the individual Disney settings in their platonic representations of various locales and landscapes make perfect towns packed with quirky locals to roam through on your quest, the Final Fantasy elements are tried and tested for this sort of thing, the original worlds each have their own unique aesthetics and touchstones and come out lovely, by my estimation the gameplay’s fun adventure/slasher stuff even if it’s had ups and downs over the years, the actors largely bring it, it all looks pretty, and as noted, the score is as good as it gets. They’re games that look, sound, and play good made up of component parts that unify into a sensible whole. And for me, the scope and convolution of the plot that so many leap at as the easy target - with its memory manipulations and replicas and time travel and ancient prophecies and possessions and hearts grown from scratch and universes that live in computers and storybooks and dreams - is half the appeal; I live for that kind of nonsense. Not that folks aren’t justified as hell in taking jabs at it, but I’ll admit I often quietly raise an eyebrow when I see the kind of people I tend to follow having an unironic laugh at it given *gestures toward the last 40 years of superhero comics*.

All that through is ultimately window dressing. The most powerful appeal of Kingdom Hearts is I suppose hidden if you’re going by commercials and isolated GIFs and whatnot, and even the bulk of the content of the average Disney world, charming as they are. It’s deceptively easy to pick out something else as the fundamental appeal too; even if I’d call them incredibly well-executed examples of such the character archetypes it deals in are relatively broad, and while it handles the necessary shifts in its tone from fanciful Disney shenanigans to apocalyptic cosmic showdowns for the heart of all that is with incredible skill - and that might be its most unique aspect, and certainly a critical one - a lot of that comes down to raw technical ability on the part of the writers, appropriate dramatic buildup, and demarcation between environments and acts of the story.

The real heart of the matter, to speak to my typical audience, is that Kingdom Hearts in a profound way resembles 1960s Superman comics and stories inspired by the same: it’s 90% dopey lovely cornball folk tale stuff, until every now and again it spins around and sucker punches you in the goddamn soul with Extremely Real Human Shit. Except here instead of being lone panels and subtext, it builds and builds throughout each given adventure until it takes over and flips for the finale from fairytale to fantasy epic.

That can probably be credited directly to Final Fantasy creator Hironobu Sakaguchi suggesting to Tetsuya Nomura to try treating this weird gig seriously instead of as the licensed cash-in it seemed destined to be, since if this didn’t have a soul the target audience would recognize it. But in spite of that seriousness, it’s perhaps its most joyfully mocked aspect in its entirely unselfconscious dedication to making Hearts and Feelings and Light and/or Darkness the most important things in the universe that lets it do what it does. It’s childish in the most primal way, absolutely, but what that translates to is that there aren’t cosmic or personal stakes that swap places as major or subsidiary at any given point, because in this world they’re always literally the same thing. There’s no major relationship where the fate of a primal power or a last chance at salvation doesn’t ultimately hang in the balance depending on how it shakes out, and there’s no prophecy or ultimate weapon or grand scheme that doesn’t have direct, fundamental ramifications on the life of an innocent or the memories that define them or whether they’ll ever be able to find a place to call home. ‘Hearts’ is an all-encompassing theme, whether in strength of will or redemption or questions of personhood or the ties that bind us, and by making it a literal source of power, it lends personal dimension to the unfathomable universal and the grand weight of destiny to whether or not someone can come to terms with who they want to be or apologize to those they’ve wronged. It’s a world where emotional openness and personal growth ultimately works the same way and achieves the same results as doing calisthenics in five hundred times Earth’s gravity does in Dragon Ball. and it’s tender and exuberant and thoughtful enough where it counts to take advantage of that as a storytelling engine.

That’d be why Sora works so well as the main character, because he straddles the line most directly between those poles. He may stand out as a spiky anime boy when actually next to Aladdin and the rest, but when it comes down to it he’s a Disney character, just a really nice, cheeky, dopey kid who wants to hang out with his friends and go on an adventure and believes in people really really hard. As the stranger in a strange land he’s a tether to a wider, sometimes more somber and weighty world when he’s sticking his head into the movie plots, but when he’s in the midst of stacked-up conspiracies and mythic wars that make all seem lost, he’s the one whose concerns remain purely, firmly rooted in the lives of those connected to him. Other characters get to go out there into bleak questions of self-identity or forgiveness, but while he might wrestle with doubt and fear Sora’s the guy who holds the ship steady and reminds all these classic heroes and flawed-yet-resolute champions and doomed Chosen Ones what they’re fighting for by just being a really good dude.

Given superhero comics are my bread and butter it doesn’t come up much, but Kingdom Hearts is really about as foundational to the landscape of my imagination as Superman and company, and while 100% that’s in part because it came into my life early it didn’t take hold by chance. It manages its stakes and its drama in a way and on a scale unlike just about anything else I’ve ever seen (even prior to getting to the weird mythology stuff that’s so profoundly up my alley), and somehow the aesthetics and gameplay and dialogue and all the million and one details that needed to come together to facilitate that story joined together into something that’s become one of the most curious, beloved touchstones of its medium. It’s a small, lovely bastion of warmth and sincerity in a way that only feels more like a breath of fresh air with time, playing out over decades a bunch of kids’ journeys to try and find the people they love most and help them and go home together when everything in the universe seems to be against them. It’s special in ways that will for me always be unique and meaningful, and I’m glad it seems to have plenty more in it before it’s through.

And seriously THAT MUSIC.

[praphit]

Ad Astra: Dammit, Brad!

Just Ad some Astra, people! - and everything will be alright. There's a joke there somewhere; it's not in what I just said, and wherever it is, it's probably a bad one, but it's there! Sometimes, I like jokes that are bad. We all have a family member or two who tell the same bad joke over and over again, but love them for it.  Or sometimes it'll be the same joke that people tell at work, you know??  - about the weather, or the weekend or something:

I'm always hearing jokes like "I'm off to HR. So-and-so grabbed my butt again. They'd better fire his ass this time!" - AND THEN WE’D ALL LAUGH. ... ... in retrospect, that's not really a joke. ... Ok, better example - sometimes people will be like "Oh no! My wife is leaving me. She found me in bed with another woman... she's taking the kids." - AND THEN WE’D ALL... ... Hmm... I 'm starting to realize what assholes we've been. But, y’all know what I mean, right? There are jokes that are bad, and then there are bad jokes! *sigh* That leads me to this movie.

Brad Pitt, baby! Look at those eyes! Damn he's pretty! I hope I look that good when I'm his age. I'm here for them sending Brad Pitt anywhere. Send him to the jungle - I'm there! Send him under water - I'm there! So, of course, if you're sending him to space - I'm there! The prob is, it's a bad joke. They sent him to space and he didn't do nothing! - I mean NOTHING! All he did was float around and narrate. Idc how pretty he is, nobody wants to watch that!

Brad Pitt, with this movie, joins that special list of actors:

with Tom Hanks, and Meryl Streep, and George Clooney, and Denzel.

We love them. They're extremely talented. Critics love them. AND their movies are boring as hell - this one is no different. Don't believe me?? - go to RT and you'll see a critical rating of around 80% and an audience rating of around 46% (tho it might be less by now). Normally, I say the truth is in the middle, which is still in the 60's, so... yeah, "Ad Astra", everybody *slow clap*

There's a lot of beauty to behold in this flick (especially in the beginning), so it might win awards in that arena, but damn the plot and characters! Dag gon you, Brad Pitt! It's not his fault that the movie is boring. It IS his fault for being in this boring movie.

Brad's character has daddy issues, and decides to work them out in space. Critics will say how deep this movie is... this ain't deep. Brad, your dad is a jerk - THE END. 

Either make peace with that fact or say "bleep it" and move on with your life - don't drag us along for this boring ride.

Dammit, Brad! 

You could have been a diva! You could have been like "I know we're in space, but imma take off this suit, and my shirt... trust me, the ladies will love that. I'm Brad Pitt. And I know in this scene there are dangerous highly flammable substances around, but Brad Pitt needs a smoke; make it work in the story! I know this is an Oscar craving drama, but I feel like fightin a mutha bleeper or two. Hey you! Yeah! Jamie Kennedy! Donald Sutherland! I've always wanted to punch y'all. Let's fight! Come here! I'm Brad Pitt! Where ya going?!

Hey, Liv Tyler! 

Where the hell have you been? I know this scene doesn't call for it, but let's you and me make sweet, sweet love. What?! Why not?! I'm Brad Pitt!"

But, instead he kept his mouth shut (except for when the director made him narrate in monotone), and just floated around in space. Every now and then, Ruth Negga would appear or Tommy Lee Jones... and every now and then something beautiful would appear, but then back to Brad's thoughts about daddy in space.

DAMMIT, BRAD!

I mean...

I....

*deep sigh*

Grade: D

Plus, we've already made this movie! - several times! It doesn't have to be complex. They did... what was it? - Armageddon, with um... Bruce Willis, and... Ben Affleck... 

... and wasn't Liv Tyler in that too?  - Was that her last movie? And I think Chris Tucker showed up and started singing... with a crazy hairdo... that doesn't sound right at all, but that's what I remember.

They did Apollo 13! 

The Hanky Pank Man went into space and probably won an Oscar or something.

Didn't Ryan Gosling go into space recently?

I don't remember much of that movie. He was probably crying, cuz that's his strength. He builds up to a cry for the whole movie, then at the end he makes us cry with him. Sorry, cuz that's pretty much a spoiler for all of his movies.

Matthew McConaughey went into space... something about time travel or something, I think. 

Was Liv in that too?! Maybe she has actually been stuck in space. All of these movies are connected - they're just trying to get Liv Tyler out of space and back into Hollywood.

... nah, it was some other pretty pale white woman.

Sandra Bullock went into space. 

She floated around for a while... but she didn't do that for hours whining about daddy issues like a lil bitch, BRAD PITT! (sorry, again, not your fault). SANDRA eventually did stuff... though I can't remember what. I remember ghost George Clooney ( at least I think he was a ghost) showing up in her space pod ... and then he made them both space martini's,

 and.... and then she took off her pants. There was a butt shot, and roll credits. 

Again, that doesn't sound right, but that's what I remember. Why did she take off her pants? Or is that what ladies do when in the presence of Clooney?

And I think Mark Hamill might have went into space and did some stuff as well.

I seem to have forgotten a lot about these movies, but that's kinda my point! Just go up into space, do some shit, and come back! We're going to forget most of it anyway; just entertain us in the moment! You don't just go into space and float around, BRAD PITT!

DAMMIT, Brad! Those are hours of my life wasted listening to you drone on and on about NOTHING!

Again, I'm projecting my anger onto Brad, but it's not really his fault.

A better movie would have been this -

Brad decides to go to space, and take with him a handful of other actors who got stuck playing boring roles. They'll all revisit one of their more memorable exciting characters:

Brad - Tyler Durden

Hanks - Woody

(yep, yep... that’s weird)

Streep - the witch from "Into the Woods"

Denzel - the guy from Training Day

(Wow, did they think Denzel was going to grow into that jacket during filming?)

Clooney - Batman

(his nipple game was immaculate)

Let's put Damon in there, cuz... yeah... - he'll play... what part was it when his movies started to... you know... ??? Was it "The Informant!"? He'll play that guy.

We still need more color, I think. And another woman... a lil older... um... Rosie Perez!

I hear that she's coming back to acting. Maybe I shouldn't call it a come back, but... has she done anything since "White Men Can't Jump"?  or had she been in space with Liv Tyler? She's supposed to be in that "Birds of Prey" movie next year... why they grabbed her for that movie when she hasn't done anything in like 40 years, idk. BUT, she's going to be in MY movie dag gonit! - she'll play... Idk, we'll just throw a "White Men Can't Jump" T-shirt on her, and give her a basketball.

BOOM! The team!

They'll go into space in hopes to do something interesting or fun or.. something that generally doesn't suck ass.

And why does it always have to be about exploring the moon or mars? And why do we only meet stereotypical aliens? There always either cute and marketable or they want to kill us.

We wouldn't even have to go the alien angle. What about other entities? Ooo! Or what about God? Scientists often joke that they haven't yet found some white bearded old man surfing through space yet. But, what if they did?

How about this?!

Brad and his team find Jesus and the Holy Ghost surfing through the cosmos, looking for the Father.

(Jesus played by Lil Wayne and HG played by... Lady Gaga - sure)

BUT the Father (spoiler alert) is actually on earth. He came down in the form of... idk... Neil Degrasse Tyson.

Btw - did y'all know that Neil was Metoo'd? Somehow I had missed that. So, the Father takes that form, somehow forgets that he's God... maybe gets metoo'd, and now Jesus and the HG have to look for him. Brad and his gang have an interesting encounter with them, and end up joining their quest, and in the process come across... idk... a malfunctioning Optimus Prime (crossover, baby!) with a thirst for blood and vengeance!

All of that stuff gets handled in about 2 hours or so, and Brad Pitt and friends come back to earth and do a musical number with BTS.

 THAT, Bradley is how you do it!

DAMMIT, Brad!

To be fair, "Once upon a time in Hollywood" is good! So, maybe we'll look back and give Brad a pass for this.

Sooooo, hit me up, and let's make THAT movie, Brad!

Annnnd don't make no more bullshit. Thanks.

[huckleberrysclutterbucket]

GMW-Harry Potter Crossover - Part 4

At Gryffindor Common Room

Riley: where were you?

Lucas: Hi Riles. What are you guys doing still up?

Riley: Did you found her?

Farkle: Did her friends hurt you?

Lucas: No. Why would you say that?

Farkle: well, your lips are swollen. So you either had a fight or-

Riley: or what?

Farkle: You found her did you?

Lucas: I did found her. And we talked and yes, we kissed.

Farkle: I knew it.

Riley: Wait a minute. She mocks you, makes a fool of you, makes you fail potions and now you kiss her? Are you crazy? Why would you kiss her?

Lucas: I didn’t fail potions, at least not yet. And I kissed her because... I think I’m inlove.

Riley: You can’t be serious!

Farkle: You don’t choose who you fall for. Is like your heart makes the call. Your brain doesn’t get a say in it.

Lucas: Exactly. I mean, I was so mad at her, like an angry bull, and then she looks at me with those eyes and I turn to this fluffy loving bunny and all I want is to be close to her and kiss her again.

Farkle: lets go to sleep. Is late and we have early classes tomorrow.

At transfiguration

McGonagal: Today you will turn this toad into a bunny. Is a gentle movement. Up, circle and down while you chant “cuniculi”.

Lucas: Seems easy.

Farkle: For you maybe. You know I don’t like transfiguration

Riley: Just because of the animagus blood on your family. I would kill to be animagus.

Farkle: yeah yeah. You wouldn’t say that if you turned into a toad or a worm or something gross.

Riley: Yeah... you’re probably right. I would love to become a bunny tho.

Farkle: Please, you wouldn’t last a day. Bunnys are food.

Riley: They are not

Lucas: That’s what my brother’s piton used to eat.

Riley: what does it eat now?

McGonagal: Would you three please stop bickering and focus on your task. I would hate to take points off from my own house.

At lunch Maya and Lucas keep on glancing towards eachother. They both smile and blush.

Zay: What are you doing?

Maya: Eating. What else would I be doing at lunch?

Zay: Don’t play dumb. I’m talking about you all smily and cute. You’re flirting!

Maya: I’m not. Shut up!

Zay: So... you and Texas muffin?

Maya: Maybe...

Zay: Has he asked you to the Yull ball?

Maya: Not yet. But I bet you he will.

Riley: I can’t believe you. She treats you like a pest and you still go after her. You must be under the influence of something.

Lucas: She’s so beautiful. And she’s not that mean once you get to know her.

Farkle: C’mon Riles. Cut him some slack. The man is inlove.

Riley: Please... I bet you she’ll put a hex on him. If she hasn’t done it.

Farkle: You are not sugesting...

Riley: Maybe she used a love spell or love potion.

Lucas: She wouldn’t do that.

Riley: Like she hasn’t mess with your potions before...

Farkle: She does has a point Luke. What if it’s true?

Lucas: I can’t believe you guys. I’m inlove and if you were really my friends you would be happy for me.

Farkle: We are your friends. That’s why we worry about your safety.

Lucas: I’m gonna ask her to be my girlfriend.

Riley: I can’t believe you. That girl has been nothing but trouble for you. I find it hard to believe you’ll fall for a bitch that fast. She’s playing with you.

Lucas: I’m not even going to answer that. Don’t you ever talk like that about her. I’m not hungry anymore.

Lucas left his table very angry. Maya notice and followed him, they reached the owlery.

Maya: Hey. What’s up?

Lucas: Owls. Of all shapes and colors.

Maya: I know dork. I mean, what’s up with you? Why are you upset?

Lucas: Have you talked to your friends about me?

Maya: Not really. Just Zay knows. And I didn’t even told him.

Lucas: When are you going to tell them about us?

Maya: I guess I was hopping they’ll notice on their own... you know... at the ball...

Lucas: Oh yes. The yull ball.

Maya: So... are you gonna ask me or should I ask you?

Lucas: Would it look bad if I wanted you to ask me?

Maya: No. Do you wanna be my date to the yull ball?

Lucas: No. I wanna be your boyfriend at the yull ball.

Maya: Wow. That was unexpected.

Lucas: So... is that a yes or a no?

Maya: Don’t you think is a little soon?

Lucas: Seriously? After everything I’m going through? Is this some sort of game to you?

Maya: Why are you acting like this? What’s the rush?

Lucas: I just ditched my friends for you! What more do you want from me?

Maya: I didn’t asked for anything! I really like you Lucas, but this is new for me. I need time to figure things out.

Lucas: what things?

Maya: I’ve never felt this... this things for anyone before. I don’t even know what it is. All I know is...

Lucas: what?

Maya: I wanna kiss you... all the time. And I think about you a lot and you make me blush. And I don’t blush!

Lucas: oh gosh. I wanna kiss you too. All the time. I go crazy thinking about you. I wanna kiss you right now so bad.

Maya: Then do it. Kiss me.

Lucas: Only if you say it.

Maya: Say what?

Lucas: That you’ll be my girlfriend.

Maya: Are you seriously not gonna kiss me until I accept?

Lucas: Yes.

Maya: That’s just mean.

Lucas: I learned from the best.

Maya: Fine. I give up, you win.

Lucas: What do I win?

Maya: I want to be your girlfriend, and I want those lips of yours on mine right now.

Lucas: your wish is my comand.

Lucas kissed her for a little while and then they parted ways to attend their next classes. Lucas didn’t speak to his friends all day untill after dinner.

Farkle: You’re still mad at us?

Lucas: A little. Is hard to be mad when you are so happy.

Riley: What’s got you so happy?

Lucas: She said yes!

Farkle: Yes to what?

Riley: The Yull ball of course.

Lucas: Not only the ball.

Farkle: You asked her! Didn’t you? You have a girlfriend!

Lucas: Yes, the most beautiful there is.

Riley: This is ridiculous.

Farkle: This is amazing. We have to celebrate this.

Riley: I’m too tired. I’m going to bed. See you guys tomorrow.

Lucas: At least one of you is happy for me.

Later that week, at breakfast

Farkle: So, what’s with your girlfriend?

Lucas: What do you mean?

Riley: He means that she’s acting like she doesn’t knows you.

Lucas: Well, she hasn’t told her friends about us yet. We’ll wait untill the yull ball next week to make the anouncement.

Farkle: oh... So, is a secret relationship for now?

Lucas: Yes. Well not so secret. Some people know.

Riley: Yeah... just us three I bet. You deserve better than to be someone’s dirty little secret Lucas.

Lucas: Its not like that

Riley: Yes it is! She hasn’t even look at you all morning. She’s been talking with that Billy guy all the time.

At potions Billy comes near the table where Maya and Lucas are doing their porions quietly

Billy: Hey Hart. Do you have an answer for me?

Maya: I already told you No.

Billy: C’mon. You gotta dance with someone

Maya: I will dance with someone. A very special someone.

Billy: Everyone knows you and I are going together to the ball.

Lucas: Dude, back the hell off. She already said no.

Billy: And what is the lap dog gonna do about it?

Lucas: How about kicking your ass?

Snape: Mr Ross, Mr Friar. My office, dettention after class!

Billy: This isn’t over Friar!

Lucas: You are in for hell a surprise!