#maybe these statistics will help you
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If you're having a hard time acknowledging the destruction and the severity of the genocide.
#before somebody starts assuming I'm not comparing between tragedies#it's just that people still think it's a war between two sides when it's very clearly not#maybe these statistics will help you#and now a minister in Israel asks for the possibility to throw a nuclear bomb at gaza#do you realize how tiny gaza is???#palestine#gaza#israel#important#current events#free palestine#ethnic cleansing#free gaza#gaza strip#gaza under attack#gaza under genocide#israel apartheid#israel is a terrorist state#israel is an apartheid state#we are not numbers#free palestine đ”đž#usa#joe biden#america#biden#hiroshima#japan
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fking sucks as a female engineer i have to literally go through all the documentation for a subject just to be like i read the docs hereâs where ur wrong bc me going âmy understanding is-â by itself has historically not been enough to persuade Anyone.
#and by anyone im also talking about other fem engineers#hi statistically these docs were probably written by a man#and if they were not we can just pretend they are bc if you wont listen to me maybe the image of listening to a man will help u understand#its theres one thing all engineers abide by its the fking documentation#use that as leverage in any argument and its the easiest win#docs dont say that docs say this#well ig if the documentation is good this works#but for widely used tools and languages they are#my favorite docs in the entire world are the c++ ones bc they just know what u want and thats an example#mozillas mdn or whatever is also good#i talk about something non gojo related-#my documentation tier list:
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how to live a happy and fulfilling life when everyone around you is obsessed with shame and guilt and suffering
#i DO already know how - iâm just complaining#if one more person apologizes to me unnecessarily i think i will explode in a mass of blood and viscera#like. iâm legit gonna have trauma about this it makes me so mad lmaoooo#ALSO iâm FINALLY getting the ball rolling for my mom and mom-mom re: getting a home care person to help out#and sheâs like âwhoa⊠maybe i could go back to workâŠâ#and itâs like. dude. HOW did you not seriously consider this until now????#you havenât taken a vacation in three years because you think that to love is to suffer dude!!!!!!!#get help!!!!!!!!#or a home care aide at the very leastâŠ#never thought that applied statistics would be my escapism activity but here we areâŠ#despite how shitty my high school years were i think 2024 is probably objectively gonna go down as the worst year of my life so far#but a lot of good has happened and is happening also#and iâm much stronger now than i was then#so you knowâŠ#we move forward
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All my life I've been told by all kinds of people that they can never really tell what I'm feeling or what's going through my mind because apparently I'm always just hiding everything behind a smile so that I've become rather unreadable. And then he just. Takes one look at me and goes 'Yeah. I know that face, oh here we go again, she's about to unleash her thoughts. She's gonna bash that theory I just showed her so hard. Where's my popcorn?' I hadn't even said anything yet and he was already laughing.
And to be honest. It's quite nice to be known, actually.
#i only went to his office to ask if he wants to join me for lunch he didn't have time and yet i still somehow ended up staying for 1.5 hours#'thanks for the conversation' he said when i left. 'and thanks for keeping me from my work'#as if HE hadn't kept me from lunch when he kept our conversation going on and on with his 'wait i still wanted to show you this'#talking to him always feels like wellness for my brain somehow. like. we're different people but we think the same way.#i don't have to translate my thoughts to be understood he already gets my point before i've even finished my train of thought#every time work tires me out so much that it feels like i can't think straight anymore then i talk to him and suddenly my brain works again#and i like how he calls me out on my nonsense when i lose myself in a contradiction or don't say what i want to say or say what i don't mea#and he lets me go on extensive rants about statistics despite not knowing anything about it and doesn't even complain#he just always says 'i'll pretend i know what that means' and says i should learn it well so he can ask me for my help with it later#recently he came to me right after teaching saying 'you won't believe how much i just messed up. let me show you how i failed'#and then proceeded to recreate the entire situation and his thought process at that moment and i just#there is a very big word running around in my mind that i dare not speak of but maybe one day#i don't even know if he even sees me as much as a friend maybe i'm just some co-worker he likes talking to occasionally you know#what does it mean what does it all mean#ramblings
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#strangers poking their nose in your business because they don't understand#or maybe they are trying to cheer you up?#maybe trying to be helpful?#even though it's annoying that everyone keeps doubting you#queer?#non-neurotypical?#applies to several things in my own life#no I don't care if there is a statistical possibility that I'm gonna change my mind.
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man, posts like this make me feel so fucking weird. like, thanks for the shoutout, I guess, but people just Have Tastes, and no amount of moralizing fingerwagging is going to change the fact that much fewer people's tastes will be inclined toward bodies that look like mine. Beauty and appeal are subjective but it's fucking weird to pretend they don't exist. Like, I dunno man, it sucks that I'm not as pretty as other people! It does! But it's still just a thing that is true and that's fine! I want people who give me attention to do so because they actually fucking mean it, not because someone scolded them for not having morally correct enough tastes in women on tumblr dot com
#'it SUCKS to see women whose features are statistically more likely to appeal to others getting the most attention' yep sure does!!!#but like!!! of course they are!!! I don't know what to fucking tell you!!!#I don't actually want anyone's obligatory pity thirst but maybe that's just me lmao!!!!!#like I dunno man it's a complicated thing because broad cultural ideals about beauty are shaped by a lot of different influences#and it's not fair and it's not right and I'm sure it's at least some part of why people who look like me generally aren't seen as beautiful#but man I dunno I don't see how getting mad at the people who have been effected by those overehelming cultural forces helps anything#people are gonna like what they like and mostly it's probably not gonna be a tall fat woman with a flat chest#do you run YOUR libido through a diversity checklist or is it just something you feel instrinsically?#anyway. actually been having a lot of feelings about not being beautiful lately lmao#and 'it's wrong for people who don't think you are to not at least pretend otherwise đ€' isn't like. making me feel better.#no one's looking at your pics rubbing their hands together going 'I think I'm gonna withhold attention to make this fat girl suffer >:)'#SORRY!!! I DON'T WANNA GUILT PEOPLE INTO LOVING ME SORRY!!!!#about me
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For young people who have never Done TaxesTM and are nervous because it sounds intimidating and complex and you donât know what to expect: if you are like many young Americans and donât own any stocks or property, and you donât have like Dependents and such, your taxes will probably be dead simple.
Assuming you have a job where youâre just an employee (as opposed to freelance/contract work which is considered self-employed) your job will send you a form called a W2 that says âthis is how much money we payed you this yearâ and âthis is how much you asked us to withhold from your paycheck for taxesâ (you told your employer how much to hold back when you signed the paperwork to Get Employed).
You go to the IRS websites free file page and pick out a website from their official list that will help you file your taxes for free. You put in a bunch of personal info on that site, plus the numbers from the W2 form. (OPTIONAL: if youâre paying back student loans, your loan servicer might send you a tax form saying how much you paid. If you upload this info to the tax site, the government will tax slightly less of your income.) Tell the site to send all that to the government. Done. Taxes = filed.
If you had your employer hold back too much from your paycheck this year, the government will owe you money, and will pay it a little while after they get your taxes. If you had them hold back too little, you will owe the government some money. Usually if you got the withholding options right, the numbers owed will be relatively small, but if you end up owing quite a lot then maybe consider telling your employer to hold back more.
Thatâs it. You get a form or two with the info about your earnings, you type that info into another form, you send it in and sometimes money changes hands at the end.
And as mentioned above, if you fill things in wrong, they just send you something about âhey can we get this fixed plzâ.
For people with anxiety about filing taxes, hereâs what things that happen when you make a mistake on your tax return:
- it gets corrected
- you get a letter in the mail either asking for some additional information or a letter showing the adjustment
- you pay the amount (thereâs options for payment plans too!) or get a refund
Things that do not happen
- youâre âin troubleâ
- you are charged with fraud
- you go to jail
I know that most people are probably just joking/exaggerating when they say a mistake on their return means they get thrown in jail but when I worked with the public I always would encounter people who believed that would happen and they would be panicking about it. So I like to put this out there every year because if I can even prevent one person from feeling that way, itâs worth it
#statistically people doing taxes for the first time have very simple taxes to file#as life goes on it may get more complicated#maybe you buy stocks or something eventually#(the stocks places send you a tax form and you fill it in on the website)#maybe you win a prize (you fill it in on the website)#self employment is more manual - no employer sending you a W2 bc you are the boss#and idk about property value stuff bc I donât own a house or w/e#but like as life gets more complicated every year#you just Google a few things in February when youâre gathering your various forms#and most of the time the answer is âsomeone may send you a formâ and then always âtype it in the websiteâ (Google helps with the specifics#of where to type it into the website for each kind of money thing that is relevant to taxes)
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People really think trust issues are just "aww they're scared of love" and it's like bitch no. Trust issues as in I'm deeply in love and the issue is I'm waiting for you break my heart after undergoing periodic abuse in relationships. I'm not scared of love I'm scared of what you'll do with it.
#ahahahaha anyways. ranty time in the tags wheeee#paranoia has been terrible today. everyones mood is off. everyones acting different. everyones acting colder. they hate me im sure of it#and all this stuff i want to be happy i just know is gonna be ruined or left with tainted memories now and its my fault#but maybe its not because why the fuck cant you be consistent. why is it so touch and go#i support ppl through the worst parts of their lives and when i need the support nobody is there#i will literally take time off work to be with someone if theyre having a hard time but me? cant even afford more than three words#im sick of being told i love you and finding no proof outside empty words. i sure as hell dont feel fucking loved. everyone is lying#it's just like my ex. he smothered me in love to cover up the major lack of actually viable love#empty words make me sick to my stomach now. everyones a fucking liar and i dont get why the wont just tell me the truth!#if im such a burden then just fucking say it! if im horrible to be around tell me! how am i supposed to every grow if nobody tells me#i just wanna be loved and not unconditionally. i want to be loved by choice. i want someone to choose me despite everything#i want someone to love me to every little detail and hold my hand even when im at my lowest and just UNDERSTAND#i want someone to love me wholeheartedly and think about me as much i do them. i want the little gestures and the sweet things i do#but here i am. always the one carrying everything and putting in all the effort. when was the last time someone really liked me.#when was the last time i existed in someone elses head. when was the last time someone cared enough to check on me. to do something?#this savior mentality is gonna kill me but im only being straightforward when i say i cannot pull myself from this alone. i am so weak#and god im fucking tired#spent at least two hours straight sobbing while regressed because even as a kid i cant outrun this#and im just getting sicker. i cant sleep. cant eat. cant stay warm. feel like im slowly fading away#and nobody even cares. its so fucking selfish and childish but my whole life ive screamed for help and nobody has seen me#do i have to become another number in the statistics for you to care? or would you even care when i die?#because at this rate i dont even need to try. my heart hasn't slowed in three days. i think i really am dying#sad thoughts#vent blog#sad blogging#vent#vent post#venting#actually mentally ill#actually traumatized
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Learning new skills related to my job (coding, statistics visualization tools, and excel spreadsheets) through fandom (mha characters)
#my hyperfixations collision is brought to you by the upcoming global popularity poll.#maths (statistics) and shonen manga have done irreparable damage to my psychic ill tell you!!#Now I get why there's so many tournament polls lol#i have to get weirder with network graphs#like. maybe one day I'll post the results of the little exercises I've done. but not now. I'm still in the early planning/reaseach stage so#đ.txt#if anyone can help me with this please dm me I'm tired of consulting to reddit i crave human connection!!!
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Warning: Long Post No one reads long texts anymore, but despite everything I've been through with my country, my family, and recently my son, I need to get this off my chest. It's completely unbelievable to me that so many people still don't understand the background of the genocide in Palestine. What kind of journalists or influencers do we have today? Are they too afraid to report and remind their audiences about the real story behind what's happening now? No, it's not just one year of suffering! It's outrageous how the media consistently ignores what Palestinians have been enduring for decades. Have they, or you, even bothered to look at the statistics of how many Palestinians have been killed by Israel since 1948? How many children have been killed? Who holds the responsibility for what's happening now? I often wonder: what if the situation Palestinians face was applied somewhere else? For example, what if, after World War II, the West had decided that all Jews should have a state in the USAâletâs say Chicagoâhow would the people of Chicago have reacted? Imagine the people there being driven off the land their families had worked for generations, stripped of their rights, and harassed or persecuted if they resisted. Do international laws simply not apply when ### is involved? Do you know that people in Gaza are killed simply for fun? Yes, for fun! Israeli soldiers have been known to shoot women, children, and even animals on the spot, then walk away. Did you feel the wind when those shots were fired? Or was it too far away for you? Do you understand what death means? Good. Do you know why there are so many Palestinians living in different countries, or maybe even right next door to you, even though they smell like hummus, garlic, za'atar, and other traditional foods? Do you know why your neighbors are Palestinian and not Israeli? It's because we've been forced to flee since 1948. Our cities were erased then, and more are still being erasedâthrough violence, through apartheid laws, through genocide, through different methods. Ilan Pappe, an Israeli historian, wrote a book about hundreds of Palestinian cities that were erased to create the Israel you know today. This isn't a war that started a few days ago or even a year agoâthis has been going on since at least 1948. More than 45,000 have been killed in Gaza just in the past year alone. 17 000 of them are children, and 13 000 are women. Do you even know what that means? How it feels to lose your children or part of your family? Are you going to tell us how it feels? Do you have no empathy? Is your heart so closed that you can't see the pain around you? Are you really so blind to the suffering of others? How can you ignore these realities? Do you know that the Israeli military has cut off all electricity and completely halted the import of food, water, fuel, and other necessities? There are no hospitals and no medicines left, and 85% of people in Gaza are living in makeshift tents. Yes, tentsâbut not like the ones you see in movies. These are handmade from plastic scraps. Do you know that my family is suffering from all of this, and I will lose them in this cold weather if you don't act now? Please help us and donate now!
Vetted and shared by @90-ghost: Link.
Verified and shared by @el-shab-hussein: Link
Listed as number 282 in "The Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser Spreadsheet" compiled by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi : Link
Listed on the Butterfly Effect Project, number 957: Link
Additionally, Al Jazeera News has documented apart of my family's case: Link
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#palestine#humanity#charity#gaza#donate#humanitarian aid#help gaza#free gaza#gaza genocide#pray for gaza
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"you cant be a self aware asshole you gotta stop being an asshole" by burnham continues to claim assholes who just cant change everything about them, 17 more dead, 32 in critical condition
#mypost#fighting that quote like nothing else.#IM THIS WAY BECAUSE I WAS MADE THIS WAY -> change then asshole become better or die-> THATS VERY CRUEL TO SAY AND I DO TRY LITTLE BY LITTLE#->then stop claiming it as a personality trait or flaw -> IT SEEMS GLARINGLY IMPOSSIBLE TO IGNORE CONTRASTED WITH PEOPLE I MEET ->#everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about -> STATISTICALLY IM THE ONE MORE LIKELY TO BE FIGHTING A BATTLE MOST KNOWS NOTHING ABT#ON THE ACCOUNT OF THE. PERSON I AM AND THE LIFE IVE LIVED -> pain cant be compared and measured. see the human experience as equals. cope#-> YOURE RIGHT WHAT IM LACKING IS A SENSE OF COMMUNITY (impossible for me rn) AND OUTSIDE LOVE AND SUPPORT#-> people get better when theyre given outside love and support. how can we hold it against them when they dont#-> SO WE HANG IN THERE. TRYING NOT TO HOLD IT AGAINST OURSELVES I GUESS#-> yeah. tho. im not sure if im happy saying that because we made the quote unapplicable. to anyone.#-> MAYBE NOT EVERYTHINGS APPLICABLE TO EVERYTHING AND MOST IMPORTANTLY HOLDING IT AGAINST PEOPLE THE BETTERMENT OF THEIR MENTAL HEALTH#AT BEST SADDLES THEM WITH FURTHER INDIVIDUALISTIC GOALS AND THE RESPONSIBILITY OF GETTING BETTER#-WHEN MOST OF THE TIME THE NEED TO GET BETTER IS ALREADY TIED TO A LACK OF SUPPORT-#AND AT WORST FURTHER MARGINALIZES THE PEOPLE PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED TO BE ALREADY LACKING SUPPORT AND LIVING IN DIFFICULT SITUATIONS#-> yeah. but so what. are we part of marginalized groups who should be thought of in an analytical helpful compassionate but ultimately de#detached manner ? or are on the individual level someone who is hurting other people and acting selfishly and a being bad person?#-> BE HONEST W ME WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HURT ANOTHER PARTY MORE THAN YOU HURT YOURSELF#-> irrelevant. causing myself harm doesnt take away from the pain i inflict#-> OK THEN ANSWER ME THIS ARE YOU OR ARE YOU NOT ON AVERAGE MORE HURTFUL THAN THE EVERYDAY PEOPLE ON THE STREET#-> again irrelevant. what they do or dont do doesnt absolve me or anything#-> BUT IT DOES MAKE YOU STATISTICALLY A BETTER PERSON OR NOT.#-> claiming causing less harm for others in exchange for more harm for youself makes you a better person. do you hear yourself#-> YEAH NO THATS BATSHIT INSANE... WHY DONT YOU GIVE YOURSELF THE GRACE YOU AFFORD EVERYONE ELSE THO#-> they can be thought of in both emotionally divorced and deeply compassionate ways both of which prove theyre eligible#-> BUT YOU CANT BE? NOT EVEN ABSTRACTLY?#<*->....#-> THE SUN SET WHILE WE WERE TALKING. I CAN BARELY SEE THE KEYBOARD.#*-> you dont need to anymore. i get it#-> YOU SEE?#->i see yeah. lol
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Heylo my maggotsies... I'm sorry to do this but I have a thing that I really, really need to do (thank you Ash for helping me realise that) but I'm terrified to. so well. I'm going to make one of the posts (Neil reblogged me a couple of days ago so I feel pretty safe making one now since he only lurks by once in two weeks so this is as good a time as it gets to make a post and not expect many notes, yes I'm an overthinker and I'm actually scared of this getting notes).
Sigh. Here goes.
...I'm scared of even typing it.
Nope okay I can do this let's go.
If this post gets 1k notes, I'll look up jobs in design and film making that don't need a college degree.
2k notes, I'll sign up for an Alliance Francaise course so I can have another language on my CV, and I'll find a course that teaches me how to use design software.
5k, I'll look up distance learning alternatives, because just talking about physical college yesterday made me spend the whole morning and afternoon today in and out of nightmares screaming. Fuck.
10k, I'll tell my mum that I can't do the offline college. She's been talking to me about it, but I've been dodging because I'm not well-off and I really need to be earning and idk how to do that without college and I feel so guilty.
15k, I'll officially back out from the college (does that count as dropping out, if it hasn't begun? maybe half. i am a college and a half dropout, my 11th grade self would hate me and my 10th grade self would refuse to believe it).
I don't know what I'll do then. I don't know how to live as trans here in India, I don't know how to earn enough to be able to help my family, I don't know what I'm good at and I'm so fucking terrified. But. I spoke to @random-doctor-on-the-internet last night (I love you Ash you're such a fucking amazing human) and they made me realise that well maybe landing in a hospital with steroids to relieve an allergy attack because of exam stress isn't normal and so.
Well. Here I am. I know I can't do it, but I'm scared to risk everything, it's just not something people do here, dropping out. But also (TW s**cide statistics mentioned below the cut)... And so I've just. Got to do it, got to save myself and say no to college (cue say no to school, kids joke). Somehow be brave enough. And yeah.
To quote a financial express article: "In an alarming situation, a total of 7,62,648 suicides were reported in India between 2018 to 2022, Of this student suicides account for 7.6% at 59,239". Maybe if more people did say fuck you to the system here, that wouldn't be the case. That number could have been 59,240 (aside from everyone who wasn't counted and hushed up), that could have been me, and I don't want to put myself in that situation again. You know? Yeah.
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hi, i don't know if you've seen the statistics for the arab.org clicks but in the last quarter of 2023, they generated $380 for unrwa - not a huge amount in context of palestinians who need much more than that to leave gaza, but nobody had to donate those dollars. those were generated. and generally, they raise ~$100 per quarter, with most of it coming from their own bridging the gap of donations to make it worth it. i got curious and looked at the stats yesterday and just thought i'd point it out because i feel like people don't see the results of the "daily click" and maybe this would prove that it is actually well worth it. wishing you well <3
thank you anon, thatâs a really amazing point!! hereâs a reminder to do your daily clicks.
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sad we wont have your help, got any advice we can give to the others because DAMN, we're assholes but like, we don't do shit like THAT, and he wonders why we freed lalnable
dunno who THAT guy is but sure! For one, ya gotta stop letting your plans be so uh, visible. You guys know how to do that, right? Teach the other scrubs or something
and uhh.. always interrupt their evil speech, they never see it coming somehow. know where your goal is before you go in, and have a plan for causing maximum damage if you have to pull out
also this guy looks REAL flimsy i bet you could deck him once and he'd be out. so, he's probably gonna hide behind tech. if you can throw a wrench into those gears he's screwed
lastly cops arent your friends and neither is the government
#well they MIGHT be in this universe. but statistically if youve got guys like this theyre not#wouldn't be opposed to helping if you guys are really that desperate lol but the other guy might get maaaad#sooo sorry miss scared of explosions smh#also i dont have fuckall with me. maybe another day ey? i do love seeing a smug asshole eat shit and die#swapsies event#masked parade
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[04:24 am] âwhat are we?â
wc: 2.3k
a/n: [fluff viktor brainrot thanks to @dilemmars. t dije q me vengarĂa baby, asĂ q zas, un payback por tus podcasts jdjfjjsd. hope u like cause its ur fault]
heâs humming something you donât quite understand, a distant tune that sounds familiar âprobably youâve heard him sing it beforeâ, and even if you donât recognize the melody aside from that, you canât help but appreciate it.
his hands fidget with whatever he can reach as he sighs once more, as if he was stealing breaths from the world, heavy, almost as lidded as his eyelids. his hair falls on his eyes and in between his slender fingers while he curls the untamed strands, and you fall into an endless pit of staring at him as he scribbles, grunts, sighs, and finally pinches the bridge of his nose.
âstatistically speaking, iâm starting to feel like the chances of me getting this right are adversatively proportional to the chances of you accidentally swallowing a fly.â
and you just blink, once, then twice.
he stares at you, gives you a pointed look. he canât really say if you understood that you were just staring at him with your mouth parted, but you squint at him, snickering.
âwhat,â his low voice fails to ask, unbothered, knowing that youâll answer regardless.
and you do, answering. âyou havenât even uttered a word in a while. i was just surprised that you could still talk, is all,â you grin cheekily, playing with a screw on the table as you turn left and right on the chair youâre sitting on.
viktor looks at you, and he canât help but crack a smile. point for you.
âwhat you laughing for, mhh, mister science?â
âisnât it enough to bother me from the moment i get inside the lab in the morning that you need to do it at night too?â he pretends seriousness, side-eyeing you teasingly.
âfair enough. i will consider your offer, man of fleeting memory, and take it upon myself to bother you longer.â
his mean stare wouldnât even make a kitten mewl, but you take you hand to your heart, pretending to be wounded.
âdonât look at me like that! youâll hurt my feewings,â you pouted, much to his amusement.
âfleeting memory?â he scoffs, accent rolling off his tongue. âwhenâs the last time you lost a hairtie, mmh?â he mocks.
âunfair!â you canât help but giggle as you pretend to hide your hair from his view. point for him. âbesides. i take better care of my hair than you do of yours.â you pouted smuggly. âmine looks prettier.â
âwhat?â he finally asks, letting out a chuckle this time as his eyes land on you for the first time in the good part of an hour.
you play with your hair to style it, and funnily pose, hands on your cheeks as you lay your elbows on the table.
âwhat, donât I look pretty?â you smiled, letting out a cheeky giggle.
yes. he doesnât say it, but his eyes havenât dodged back to his papers just yet. itâs another point for you. so very pretty.
he doesnât dare. he knows it. his mind, or at least the small portion of his mind that still ties him with the occasional reminder that heâs human, looks at you and wants you in a way that heâs never wanted before.
so viktor resolves in looking at you. maybe only for a moment, maybe only on those fragments of time when heâs tired enough that he looks at the stars and at the moon, yearning to reach them, only to think heâll miss the moonlight, finally blinking to the realization that he had been staring into your eyes for too long.
his eyes are dull as he stares at you, and your expression of worry at the fact makes his heart skip a beat. âviktor?â you mumble, softly, sleepily, warily. he canât stop staring at you, and while he supposes success and defeat can look the same in a mirror âtherefore, he doesnât really blame your confusionâ, he finds no words to explain which one heâs feeling as you move your chair towards him by a push against the floor, solely accompanied by the sound of the little wheels rolling to him.
he grabs his walking stick and turns it around, pretending to poke at your chair, as if to teasingly shove it away. if you realize that he settles the walking stick just in the correct place so that your stool canât move back, he doesnât know. viktor just stares at the floor, to pretend that maybe the way your eyes turn tender when his reflection shines on them has nothing to do with what youâre about to say.
tsk, tsk. clueless viktor.
heâs expecting it, yes, but even with that on mind, he canât phathom how your course of action chooses laughing as you fidget with the loose button on his vest, the second one from the top down. viktor purposely forces himself to stable his breathing, worry seeping into him, thinking that maybe you could feel his heartbeat grow faster beneath the layers of clothing.
and he feels like the remnants of a cheap ring that stain a finger blue, when comparing himself as he stands âsitsâ close and next to you. maybe its because you usually wear rings, and he can feel the ghost of them as your hand trails up and absentmindedly fixes his collar.
he can almost see it. your mind working, the pieces falling into place, theâ
âeither my eyes are deceiving me or yours have been on my lips for a rather long time.â
and he can just. blink. as if that could break how mesmerized he feels, how his heart swells up and covers his throat, how inexplicably he feels when youâre with him, near and alone. the need to know more. the need to use every trinket and screw to map out your body for him to explore, and to map out the wonders of your mind for the world to admire and maybe then find out the reason of his inability to look away.
he was so focused before. used to be.
he is. now, at you. of you. on you.
you.
another point for you. he isnât keeping count, but something tells him heâs losing.
and as his gaze falls back to your lips in between a battle against your eyes, lost in which to stare and sink into their devotion, he hesitates again.
he thinks its funny. so funny, viktor holds back the dry chuckle that threatens to go past his lips. how to cherish you in a way that matters. how to love, the scientist wonders. is there a way that would allow him to unveil and unravel himself to you? could there be some kind of language, able to express the depth of his insides, that you, too, could understand?
what is love, anyways? is he in love with you because his coffee tastes better when it matches the dark of your pupils? because when he takes the mug from your hand and his fingers brush against yours, it seems warmer? because he notices how the dark shade in your eyes seems to mix with that of your irises, and the way the black eats the colour when you stare at him? because he claims to hate company while he studies alone, but one chair remains empty as he works, waiting for who it was meant for? because when he fails and surrenders himself to the fall, throws his walking stick against the wall, he yearns for your embrace and how your hair smells in the evenings?
is that love? and if it is, could you understand it?
if it is love, and he could say it, would such a short word convey its meaning, or was he speculating just a couple of paragraphs ago? was he assuming the meaning of what love entails?
even so. if he said it, would you repeat it? would you claim you love him because he loves you, claim to love him too? would you instead claim to love him despite everything, even the uncertainty of love itself?
âŠdoes he accept it himself?
heâs overwhelmed by the sheer amount of voices in his head. thereâs too much chatter. too many questions he canât answer, too many commas, too many question marks. too much, too much, too many.
so he silences them. makes the voices dim to a deep silence. and when his lips find themselves suddenly against yours, he finds out the true, effervescent meaning of quietness.
his hand fails to pull you closer because of the damn walking stick that gets in the way. or maybe its the chairs youâre both on that clash against each other. maybe its matter itself. for a while, its the first time viktor doesnât want to know.
in a bold statement, he couldnât give a fuck.
heâs kissing you.
and it should be bad because of all the unanswered questions. heâs skipping procedure. heâs gone from the fuck around to finding out and he doesnât know where he is at this point.
what he does know, is that your hand pulls him by his necktie, and heâs gone. science? yours only. the science that heâd study all of the nights he may have left. the science behind what makes you. the science behind how your hand craddles his face while stroking his cheekbones. the science behind how youâre the closest youâve ever been to him and somehow still not close enough. the science behind the reason why when you pull away makes his heart beat so loudly, as if it had forgotten how to a second ago.
your forehead rests against his. he shouldnât have done that. he just⊠did it. maybe that was bad. was it? could it be? he had been waiting for so long too. he never thought he wouldâŠ
âviktor, what are we?â
and heâs dead. he knows what the question implies, but he doesnât want to answer. he could follow you like a lost puppy through piltover and zaun and hell knows where else. if he wasnât dead now he would die right there and now without a second thought, because the feeling that overcame him was that love was suddenly a sentence or two away.
he knows he doesnât dare. itâs one of the only thing he knows, one of the things heâs sure of.
but somehow, he moves. he stands up, takes the walking stick, and attempts to walk out the feeling that bounces inside him.
the walking stick always makes a noise when he walks, one with dificulties to interpret in terms of onomatopeia. not quite a thud, not deep enough to reach that quality. not a clack, for it is not entirely made of metal. still, as if it was a mix of both, he keeps walking.
viktor is nervous. thud-clack. heâs not moving far from his chair, nor is he going somewhere else. thud-clack. he still keeps pacing. thud-clack. maybe the answer is somewhere in the room. thud-clack. maybe he can reply.
thud-clack, thud-clack, thud-clack.
only does he then realize that he hasnât answered your question. and a non-answer statement might as well be a rejection.
no. no, no, no. fuck.
heâs sitting again, but you stand up. your hair follows, long. moving and brushing against the skin of your shoulders in a way that he canât help but claim it to be endearing.
youâre walking. you donât make any kind of extra sound when you walk. your heels reverberate against the floor like any other, yet also they mark the beat of his heart.
he canât reach for you. you walk too fast.
you stop when you feel the walking stick on your side. the part made for him to lean on as he walks hooks you, and you stand, not facing him.
he doesnât use the walking stick as he stands. no, he keeps it hooked to your core, scared that you might leave. you could, he wouldnât blame you. but he canât allow it.
he holds it in the air as he takes one step. another step. youâre turning, surprised to see him standing, and you gasp when he lets himself fall on you.
your touch surrounds him. yes. thatâs the closeness he needed. he drops the walking stick, his hands slithering on your body, pressing you against him, for no reason at all yet because it is all needs.
âwhat can we be?â he whispers. he takes the science approach. the viktor approach.
he isnât too clueless after all.
he raises enough to look at your darkened, sleepy eyes. he wants to drown in them.
âif i wanted to kiss you everytime you hand me coffee, wanted you to sit on the same chair as ne and hug me from behind as I work, wanted you.â he swallows dry. âthen, what can we be?â
he doesnât want to say the words, and its petty.
itâs the 31st when the clock strickes five am and your hands travel through his hair to kiss him again. to unbalance him enough that he falls back on his chair and you follow him, sitting on his lap.
and as he kisses you, his hands worshipping the skin he can touch, the warmth he can feel through layers of clothing, he feels like maybe thereâs a life worth living, so he canât ask.
heâs heard boys and girls when he was young talk about it. âhe didnât want to celebrate our month-versary,â a girl cried as he played with his little boat, watching from afar as she was comforted by her friend.
itâs the 31st. and he canât really ask the question now, because if he says it, how could you celebrate each month?
he moves the chair and holds you in his arms as your back falls against the table before him. maybe he can kiss you until next month. until the clock strikes and itâs the 1st.
he smiles as he kisses you, feeling you pull his necktie off. he thinks itâs the best idea heâs had in a while. and a true scientist always tries out their hypothesis.
~k.k. (â) have fun!
aaksuitac, november 2024 ©
#arcane#arcane league of legends#arcane season 2#viktor arcane#viktor x reader#viktor league of legends#viktor#victor arcane#arcane fanfic#arcane fic#arcane x reader#arcane x you#arcane x y/n#arcane x female reader#arcane show#arcane fluff#viktor machine herald
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Honestly
Spencer Reid x Reader
Warnings: mention of smut, flirting, curse words.
Summary: The BAU never had someone as honest as you. Not everyone was sure how to react to you especially when it came to the boy genius himself.
You always loved how sexy he looked when he was talking.
Even if it was probably the most horrific thing in the world.
You just love hearing him talk about whatever, keeps you calm, keeps you grounded and it helped you think.
While others might have found it annoying when he was talking because he is so smart or whatever but you absolutely enjoyed every second of it his voice was truly calming.Â
During your latest case you were paired up with him to start working on the profile of the unsub, but it was more challenging that you could have ever expected it to be.
So, when the hours turned late and almost everyone left the police station it was only the two of you there.
Spencer was standing in front of the board babbling on about the victims and possible reasons for the unsub to choose them.
Then he turned to you with a question. A question you didnât hear.
But you answered.
âHonestly, all I want now is for you to bend me over this desk and fuck me while talking about your silly little statistics, Spencer.â
He froze.
For what felt like the first time in his life, he was speechless.Â
But you continued.
âOr you could always pull your pants down and I can get on my knees, see if you can concentrate while I suck you off. So, unless you are going to do either, I say we go and sleep.â you stood up stretching before grabbing your bag. âGood night, Handsome.â
You left him standing there like a babbling mess.
The next day, you were once again paired up with Spencer, and you two were sent to the latest victimâs home to look around.
âSo, we know the unsub chooses their victims based on their status. He goes after alpha males.â you said as Spencer looked around the office of the victim.
âHis desk is lower than the average.â Spencer noted. âHe was 6â2 why have such a short desk?â he asked, looking at you.
âHis wife is short.â you said and you could see the confusion in his eyes. So, you walked over to the desk and bent over it, proving your point. âMakes things easier.âÂ
âOh, okay.â Spencer nodded and turned his back to you, looking anywhere and everywhere.
After leaving the victimâs place you two decided to have lunch and brainstorm.
âSo, the unsub chooses alpha males with short wives.â Spencer took a bite of his food before he continued. âWhat if the point is not to kill the man but to take the husband from their wife.â
âBoth victims had short, blonde and pretty wives and both were alpha males. I think our unsub is a woman.â
âThat would make sense why the victims were tied down.âÂ
âI think she is killing the man because she doesnât see them as worthy. And she is a nail tech.â
âHow do you know that?â
âNail techs know everything about someoneâs life. You get your nails done and have a nice conversation. Maybe even talk about your rich, handsome, tall and possibly unfaithful husband.â
âCheating?â Spencer was thinking for a moment before he nodded. âMakes sense, the first victim constantly removed their wedding ring.â
âSo, we are looking for the nail tech of the wives,â you said as you called Penelope to check your theory but before, you looked at Spencer. âHonestly, you could thank me later by eating me out, Handsome.â you winked at him just as Garcia picked up.
â
After catching the unsub, you were heading home on the jet when Spencer sat down next to you. The others were either sleeping or listening to some music to relax.
âNice job out there.â
âThank you.â
âSo, do you also tell everything to your nail tech?â
âOh yes, he knows all about you.â
âOh, so you have a male nail tech?â
âI sure do. Known him since high school.â
âLook, Iâm sorry but⊠Iâm thinking about what happened at the police station that night⊠And I know we were both tired and in need of sleep, so I just want you to know that I will just forget about it.âÂ
âWith your memory? I highly doubt it. And itâs not like I was lying. But you are smart enough to know I have special feelings for you.â he nodded. âHonestly, my offer stands. Take me out to dinner tomorrow and then you can come over?â
âI would like that, very much.â you smiled and nodded at his words.
"It's a date then. But just so you know, I do prefer a bed."
"Honestly, I already knew that." you laughed a little at his reply.
Then, you let out a yawn before putting your head on his shoulder as you got comfortable.
Honestly, you knew this date will be one to remember.
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