#maybe there’ll be another one next month!

[freezingsheep]

It happened!

Weeeeeks ago when I migrated to this hellsite (affectionate) I shared the one thing I’ve actually created - the digital escape games I made during lockdown. I amended the starting forms to add Tumblr as an option for where people found the games and waited for the influx of new players.

And I waited.

And waited.

I even pinned the post to the top of my blog so it didn’t get lost. And then unpinned it a couple of days later when it still had zero notes because it just felt a bit sad. I resigned myself to the fact that maybe Tumblr just isn’t that kind of vibe and let my zero-note post slip shamefully down the stack.

But now look! My first ever Tumblrina!

Unfortunately this one is a 2-player game and only one of the characters was initiated so “A” has not actually gotten past the first screen… but still… I’ll take it!

Link added in case any of you beautiful weirdos were curious and/or fancied making my day.

[lullxby]

I’m on my knees begging for a jealous percy x fem!reader please 🙏🙏

:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ ALWAYS BEEN HERE (p.j.)

summary : in which percy and y/n din’t notice each other, even though they’ve always been there.

w.c. : about 1.5k

a/n : first writing in a few months! there’ll probably (definitely) be a part 2 for this but i just needed tk get smth out 😭

requests r still open!

wattpad: poet1cmystery

warning(s) : none!

| riordanverse masterlist | navigation |

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

percy shouldn’t care if you were flirting with another guy. even if that guy was taller, stronger, and older. he shouldn’t care. he really really shouldn’t. the two of you hated each other.

that being said, he couldn’t draw his eyes away from you and luke castellan’s bodies, so close you were practically touching. you laughed at every one of the older boy’s jokes, your lips rounding around your teeth and you smiled widely.

“gods, they’re all over each other,” the boy scoffed, looking to his best friend, tearing his stare away from the sight across the campfire flames.

grover, as unphased as ever, just shrugs. “yeah. have been for a couple weeks now,” he says, shoving a perfectly-roasted marshmallow into his mouth, “‘m happy for them. they seem to like each other.”

“yeah, a lot.” percy adds with a roll of his eyes.

“i don’t get it!” he continues, “why are they so out and the open about it?! that’s too much pda.”

he would act this way with anyone, right? yeah. you guys just shouldn’t be on top of each other like that.

“percy, they’re barely touching,” his satyr friend points out, his voice flat.

“so?- still! grover, you’re supposed to be on my side,” percy insisted.

“alright,” the overall passive boy supports, “i guess they’re kinda close, especially in public.”

“exactly!” percy agreed, enthusiastic while keeping his voice low.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

the next time percy saw you and luke together was at the arena. you and percy were sparring, your swords clashing together as sweat fell down the both of you.

suddenly, luke came into frame. he wasn’t in the way, or even in the main part where people would spar. he was sort of off to the sides, but close enough to distract percy.

you were able to pin the boy down, cheering in triumph and getting off of him.

he blinked, his brain catching up to what had just happened. he lay still on the dirt, looking up at you.

“dude, are you gonna get up?”

except it wasn’t your voice, it was luke’s.

luke stood over him, just mere inches away from where you were standing. why did you guys always have to be like that?

it was like the gods were trying to torture him.

luke wasn’t even a good person, not even close to good enough for you. you were sweet, and funny, and you always thought of others. maybe you weren’t that way withh percy, but he wasn’t blind.

“need a hand?” you asked, extending your arms towards him.

he grabbed it silently, pulling himself up.

his mouth opened to say something, to relieve himself of the thoughts swirling through his head. though, he didn’t get the chance to, considering luke came up to you, slinging an arm around your shoulder.

“c’mon,” the boy said, his tone slightly harsher than percy preferred.

that stayed with anyone. nobody should be talked to like that, even if he constantly butted heads with them.

surpising not only you, but his self aswell, he shot you an apologetic glance.

you just let it slide off, as if you hadn’t seen anything at all.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

later on that week, he saw you and luke arguing about something.

the two of you shouted at each other, words percy couldn’t pick up. luke was looking st you, a flame in his eye, as if he didn’t care at all.

percy knew you saw it to, because you held your hand up, then stormed off.

he couldn’t lie, he felt bad. you didn’t deserve that. you deserved someone better, someone who would care.

that clearly wasn’t luke.

should he comfort you? you looked upset.

he should atleast ask if you were alright.

so that’s what he did.

he slowly approached you, as if you would turn and get angry at him for doing so. you were turned away, your back facing him as you chewed anxiously on your nail.

“y/n?” he called out, standing a couple feet away from you.

you spun on your heel, your tear-brimmed eyes not going unnoticed by percy. he didn’t comment on it, wanting to at least let you have something.

“i uh, heard what happened. you alright?” the boy asked, his hand reaching up to awkwardly scratch the back of his neck, awaiting your response.

he watched as your facade changed, pulling your hand away from your lips sighing deeply.

“yeah, i guess. he was an asshole, so i mean, it was bound to happen,” you said, trying to assure you weren’t sad. your voice cracked as you spoke, something you tried to cover with a small laugh.

after years of arguing with you, percy had gotten used to all the small things about you. how you were when you were lying, when you were sad, angry, anything.

so, he said the first thing that came to mind.

“want a, uh, hug or something?”

that wasn’t weird, right?

of course not.

he was just comforting you. he’d do it with anyone, obviously. he wasn’t a monster. he wasn’t about to just let you stand there in yiur sadness.

you just nodded, hesitantly wrapping your arms around the boy’s neck.

the embrace was a stiff, but comforting nonetheless. it was good to know there was at least someone who believed you and din’t blame you for the split.

you knew in just a few hours time people would start asking luke what happened, and fall victim to his charm, just as you had.

percy waited until you pulled away first, not wanting you to feel like he was just doing this to do it. he truly didn’t mind holding you for longer, and over a few seconds he tightened his arms, making it feel more natural.

after a moment, you unraveled your arms from him, sending him a soft smile to accompany your soft words.

“thank you, percy.”

he took in your appearance, his eyes roaming all around your face. a small tear had made its’ way down your cheek, something that he didn’t fail to notice, but also didn’t want to comment on.

after all, you two weren’t close. what would he do if you started crying? he didn’t have time to think about it, as you turned and walked quickly towards your cabin, as if you had been itching to get away.

he saw you next at the campfire, a few days later. considering the amount of time that had passed, he just assumed that you were taking time to comprehend everything.

when you sat across the fire from him, you looked completely fine. as if nothing had happened.

your friends swarmed around you, their faces lighting up at the sight of you. percy assumed they hadn’t seen you either.

you laughed and chatted with the other half-bloods around you, but it all looked strained to percy. maybe he just wasn’t used to you smiling in any way except sarcastically, or the stuff with like was still hitting you hard.

luke.

percy’s mind roamed. what had you even seen in him? he couldn’t have been that funny. and he certainly wasn’t the nicest guy around.

was it his looks? percy asked himself. he knew luke was attractive, but that couldn’t be it.

his thoughts vanished as he heard someone say your name.

they seemed to do that now a days. he chalked it up to you going through rough time.

he heard your name again, and saw you sort of pretending you didn’t hear it. your conversation with your friends continued, not paying any mind to someone trying to get your attention.

rude, the boy thought, his previous feelings for you resurfacing.

his negativity towards you dissolved as he saw who was bidding for you.

luke.

why did everything revolve around luke?

he didn’t know why, but percy wanted to help you.

him and luke weren’t friends, but they weren’t enemies. so, he approached the other boy, sparking up a conversation. he said everything he could think of, anything that would get luke off of your back.

as much as percy disliked you, he disliked seeing you cry even more. so, if he stopped someone from making you cry, it was a win-win.

he walked off with luke, looking back to see if anyone was looking at him and the other boy. when he did, he locked eyes with you, and noticed a small smile blooming from your lips.

he offered one back, then watched as you turned back to your friends.

maybe you guys weren’t so against each other anymore.

percy couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

percy jackson taglist: none, lmk if you’d like to be added!

[cevansbrat0007]

Cross-Country Christmas (Teaser)

Summary: After Ari is left stranded by a surprise winter storm, you find yourself wishing for a little Christmas miracle...

Warnings: Mature Themes, Angst, Ari Being A Menace, Holiday Themes, Smut, Arguments, Spanking (mentioned), Pet Names, Cursing, More Warnings to Come Minors DNI

A/N: This is only a TEASER, the longer fic is coming soon. Part of my Sweet Renegades Series. Semi-proofread, not beta'd. All mistakes are my own. Likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated. Thanks for reading!

8:30am on Christmas Day - Bell’s Creek, Texas

“I promise I’ll be fine, Beast.” Drying your tears, you crumble up your tissues in your fist before discarding them in favor of taking a sip of your coffee. “Like you just said, there’ll be other holidays. And certainly other Christmases.”

Ari was still stuck in Omaha. And while you had suspected this call was coming, you hadn’t been prepared for how much the disappointment would affect you.

By all accounts, your Bounty Hunter appeared to be in good spirits, albeit a little tired. He was still on standby, even though all flights were still grounded indefinitely. But you’d at least been happy to hear that he’d somehow managed to catch a few hours of sleep. 

Not only that, but he’d also made a new friend in some guy named Clint. They apparently had a number of things in common, with the most important being that they’d both served overseas. Ari had also alluded to his new buddy being in law enforcement as well. 

But if you were being honest, you’d been so focused on trying to sound positive that you hadn’t quite been able to focus on his words as much as you would’ve liked. Thankfully, Ari seemed keen on having a conversation – even if it felt a bit one-sided.

“The airline keeps offering to put us up for the night. Anyone who accepts will be guaranteed a spot on one of the first flights out.” Ari coughs softly before continuing. “However, if you’re willing to wait a little bit there’s talk about them sweetening the deal with some sort of voucher or somethin’, plus miles and all that shit.” 

“Oh?” Is all you can manage, forcing yourself to take another pull of your now lukewarm coffee.

“Yeah. So, Clint and I were thinking…” He trails off, briefly leaning away from the receiver to comment on something you couldn’t see.

“You two were thinking…what?” Your next sip of coffee tastes surprisingly bitter on your tongue. Maybe you would dump out the pot and brew a fresh one. 

“That we should take ‘em up on their offer and just ride this storm out. We take the points, get the voucher, and then maybe in a month or two, we go on a vacation together somewhere nice.” 

“You and Clint?!” You screech, accidentally knocking over your mug in the process. “Shit!” You scramble out of your chair to grab a dish towel and hurriedly mop up the mess. 

“Hate to break it to ya, baby, but Clint’s not really my type.” The Bounty Hunter chuckles into the phone. “I was talking about me and you, Bird. We can pick a destination and have ourselves a holiday do-over.”

A beat goes by before you respond the only way that makes any real, logical sense. Even though it seems to take every last bit of your resolve.  

“Okay.” Your voice comes out small and resigned. 

“Aw now, don’t fret. I’ll be home soon.” Ari does his best to reassure you. “And once I’m back, we will spend every waking minute making up for lost time. You have my word.”

Well, when he put it like that…

“I guess we can hold off for a little while longer.” You sniff, wishing you could just go back to bed and sleep until tomorrow. “But you had better keep your promise, Beast. Otherwise I’m gonna have to track down Santa and ask him for a new man.” 

Your half-hearted attempt at humor elicits a short bark of laughter from Ari which, in turn, makes you smile as well. It would be hard, but you could make it 

“Try it, sweet Bird, and I’m telling you right now that I’ll have you in my truck and over my knee before you make it outta the next county.” Comes his gruff response, clearly not enjoying the image of you hanging off another fella’s arm. 

You know without asking that he’s probably not kidding – so you decide to leave it alone. If he wanted to thump his chest a little, then you’d let him. 

“It was a joke.” You tell him when the line falls silent. Standing, you pad towards the fridge on bare feet, stopping once you reach the doors. Yanking one open, you survey the contents, silently wondering if you should even be bothered enough to cook today. Granted, you’d already brined the turkey so –

“Joking about my replacement isn’t funny, Bird.” Ari growls, the sound rumbling from somewhere deep in his chest. “Especially when I can’t be there in person to plead my case.”

You blow out a harsh breath at the same time as your eyes roll heavenwards. Why couldn't he understand that you needed to crack wise here and there in order to keep from crying?

END TEASER

[steddieas-shegoes]

“We should probably just do vanilla cake, right?”

“Our daughter is not boring. She should have confetti cake.”

“Vanilla isn’t boring!”

“It’s literally called being vanilla when someone doesn’t like a little fun in the bedroom, Steve.”

“First of all, don’t call me that. Second of all, she’s turning one. She’s not gonna care. She’s never had most of this stuff.”

“So her first adventure with it should be fun!”

Steve and Eddie had been arguing about Ella’s first birthday for a month now. It was starting to become an issue as it was two weeks away and they’d planned nothing except for the guest list.

Even Robin was starting to get worried they wouldn’t be able to pull it off.

“What if we let her pick?”

“She’s one.”

“Yeah, and? We give her two options on pieces of paper and she picks one.”

“That’s a terrible idea.”

“Why?”

“Because what if she picks princess plates but dinosaur decorations?”

“Why can’t she have both?”

Steve glared at him.

“I’m just saying, she’s one. This party is more for us than her, and she won’t remember it.”

“But there’ll be pictures.”

“And when we all look back at them, she’ll be happy that we let her have whatever made her little one year old brain happy.”

Steve sighed, which meant Eddie was winning. This was the first time he’d had the upper hand the whole time.

“Where can we get a confetti cake?”

“You know Lena? Owns the bakery by the tattoo place?”

“The one who gave you the notebook of all the queer friendly spots in town?”

Eddie snaps his fingers and points at Steve.

“That’s her! She already offered to make one.”

“And you told her yes already, didn’t you?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny such allegations.”

Steve rolled his eyes and turned to continue writing things on his checklist that had nothing checked off.

“We also should check with Joyce about using the cabin. I know we said renting the bar out in the morning would be good, but imagine a first birthday in a bar.”

“It’s metal as hell, Stevie.”

“It’s questionable parenting, Eds.”

And here they were at another problem.

————————————

“So you’ve accomplished nothing?”

“We got a cake!”

Eddie was sitting on the couch supervising Ella’s play time while Steve and Robin were “planning” her party in the kitchen.

Eddie had been banished from all party endeavors after he brought home a baby-sized electric guitar and drum set and said it was for her to play at the party.

Robin took over and, admittedly, they’d accomplished a lot more already.

But this was their first official meeting and Robin was shocked to find out that they had next to nothing with only one week until the party.

“You stop talking!” Robin yelled back at him.

So he focused on entertaining Ella.

“Baby girl, I don’t know about you, but this party planning business is not what it’s cracked up to be. Maybe we should just give you your presents here and call it a day, hm?”

“Dada! Pay!”

“Yes, baby, I’m playin’.”

He helped her build a castle with her alphabet blocks, smiling when she pointed to the D and said “D. Dada!”

She was so fucking smart, it was scary.

When she got bored with the blocks, she started tapping on her plastic keyboard, hitting the same two notes again and again.

Eddie showed her the D key.

“This is D, Ella. See this one? You push this and it makes a D note. D like Dada!”

Ella pushed the key and then clapped.

“D! D!”

“Yeah, D!”

She kept smacking the D key, and Eddie kept smiling at her.

Someone cleared their throat behind him and he turned to see Steve smiling down at them, hands on his hips.

“Oh. Ella, show Daddy what you learned.”

“D! Dada! Daddy!” She said as she banged the D key.

Steve sat down next to Eddie and put his hand on his knee, squeezing it once before running his thumb back and forth over the hole in his jeans.

“You showed her that?”

“I’m gonna make her into a baby Mozart,” he said as he nodded. “She’s a natural.”

“Okay, love.”

“How’d the planning go?”

“Robin’s handling it.”

“All of it?”

Steve sighed.

“She said I’m being unreasonable.”

“But when I say it, I’m being rude and not giving you a chance.”

“When she says it, I know it’s true. When you say it, I know it’s because you’re not getting your way.”

“Do you hear this Ella? Slander from your father. I remember when it was just you and me, playing some tunes…”

“Oh my god,” Steve said around a laugh.

“Sometimes three’s a crowd, huh Ella?”

“Dada song!”

“Here, I play, you help.”

Eddie sat Ella in his lap and moved the keyboard in front of them, holding her tiny hands in his to guide them through Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Steve clapped at the end of it, beaming at them both as if they’d just performed at Madison Square Garden.

“Incredible. I’d offer you a record deal on the spot.”

“Already had that, I’m retired. Thank you, though.”

Eddie kissed the top of Ella’s head as she kept banging on the keys, then leaned over to kiss Steve’s forehead.

————————————

Robin pulled off a hell of a party.

Not only did she manage to find princess rock star decorations, but she managed to find a live band that was willing to play kids songs, and a caterer who was willing to serve an entirely new menu so last minute.

There was even an open bar for the adults.

Eddie’s entire band and their families were there, the Hawkins crew and their families, Steve’s coworkers and their families, and most surprising of all, Steve’s mom.

He’d gone back and forth on whether to even invite her, but since she’d left his dad, she’d been trying to reconcile and get to know him again.

She brought a Barbie dream house because she didn’t seem to understand that one year olds weren’t quite at Barbie level, but it was the thought that counted or so Eddie kept reminding Steve when he got mad about “thoughtless gifts that just take up space.”

Ella loved playing with all the kids and sharing her new toys. Eddie and Steve had built her a play set at home that she didn’t even see yet.

She was spoiled, but it was the best kind.

Not the kind that Steve had growing up; useless and thoughtless gifts that were flashy and expensive because that’s what helped his parents feel better about leaving him with nannies or alone.

The kind where love was in abundance, where everyone wanted her to have the best because they loved her, where the best was sometimes the dollar store magic wand and tiara set so she could play princess and sometimes was a toddler sized drum set. Everyone came to her party because they were excited she was part of the family, not because they expected a big blowout with the finest food and drinks money can buy.

Eddie took a moment to look around at everyone. He never knew he’d end up here, he couldn’t have even dreamed it in his wildest ones that came from being cross faded in high school.

Steve wrapped his arms around him from behind, kissing his shoulder when he started to lean back.

“Turned out great, right?”

“It did, sweetheart. Always does with you.”

[shuadotcom]

Polaroid Love | KMG

Summary: The prospect of meeting Mingyu’s family has you feeling a new emotion that you’ve never felt with anyone else. 

Pairing: Kim Mingyu x GN!Reader

Genres & AUs: Fluff, slice of life, established relationship au, college au

Rating: PG15

Warnings: Profanity, a make-out scene, mention of something suggestive but otherwise just fluffy

Words: 4.8k

Note: This was supposed to be posted on Mingyu’s birthday, but life happened so here it is now! Thank you to my wonderful beta @playmetheclassics​​ ily Indi mwah! 😘 This banner took me like an hour to make in canva and I’m very proud of it thank you very much. Anyway I love Mingyu 🙂

Net tag: @kflixnet​​

“Please? It'll be fun!”

“No.”

“Please? You just have to show up and talk to a couple of my family members. It's not a big deal.”

“Mingyu, no.”

“Pleaseeee!”

“I said no, Gyu!”

A chorus of shushes is heard after your outburst, along with glares from the other library patrons. Bowing your head quickly, you whisper apologies while your boyfriend giggles from next to you. A light pinch to his thigh stops him, though.

“Ow!” Mingyu whines, rubbing the sore spot. “That hurt! You're always so mean.”

Rolling your eyes at his dramatics, you stare at your book again. “Don’t be such a baby.”

He’s about to respond when you’re interrupted by your best friend and roommate nearly colliding with your table.

“Did you guys hear!?” Jeongyeon is out of breath as she harshly whispers at you.

“Did we hear what, that you're in love with Park Jimin? The whole campus knows.” You laugh and dodge the pen she throws at you.

“No, smartass! We're going away for spring break.”

“Who is we?”

“All of us! You two, me, Soonyoung, Hansol, Junhui, everyone. Jeonghan was able to convince Seungcheol to help drive us all to the beach for the break.”

“How the hell did he accomplish that? I remember when we brought it up a few months ago, Seungcheol said he’d rather do a pop quiz every day over break before taking all of us anywhere.”

Jeongyeon shrugs. “Who knows? You know Cheol can never say no to Jeonghan.”

“How many vans do you think we'll need to get?” Mingyu asks, leaning over the table in excitement.

Jeongyeon taps her finger against her chin in thought. “Maybe two? There’ll be fifteen of us, so it depends on how many seats they have.”

“Oh, only fifteen? I would’ve thought Jimin would be coming,” you tease, watching her get flustered at another mention of her crush’s name.

“I - I don’t even know what he’s doing for the break.”

“Ask him and see if he’s free. Maybe if you're lucky, you guys will get to sit next to each other for the whole drive.” You watch Jeongyeon's eyes widen, and you can practically hear her mind running at full speed in thought. “Well, I'll leave you with that thought. I'm off to lunch.” You stand up and gather your books with Mingyu right behind you.

“Poor Noona. You’ve left her in there to stress about how she’ll ask Jimin-hyung on the trip," he chuckles, throwing an arm over your shoulders.

Rolling your eyes, you wave off his concern. “She’s fine, I promise. She’s been into him for about two years and frothing at the mouth for a chance to get closer to him. He likes her too if the way he practically drools over her whenever they are within a five-foot radius of each other is any indication. One of them needs to suck it up and ask the other out because they're torturing themselves.”

“If it’ll help, I can talk to Jungkook about it during class later and see if I can get him to mention it to him.”

“Good idea, Gyu,” you praise him, placing a kiss on his hand that’s dangling over your shoulder.

He squeezes your shoulder in response, pulling you closer to his body. “Don’t worry about it. The only thing you need to worry about is picking out an outfit.”

Skeptically you crane your neck up to look at him, brows furrowed. “For what?”

“For my family reunion.”

“No.”

“Please?!”

“I said no. I'm not going.”

“But-”

“No.” You reach the cafeteria then and slip from Mingyu’s embrace. He has a class in the building next door, so you know he won’t pester you anymore for at least an hour.

“Baby!”

“See you later, Gyu!” You blow him a kiss and slip inside before he can say anything else.

The rest of the week is crammed with last-minute assignments, everyone making plans for spring break, and Mingyu bringing up the family reunion any chance he gets.

It's not that you don’t want to go because you dislike Mingyu's family or anything. You’ve never actually met them, which in itself is the real problem. What if they don’t like the way you look? What if they don’t think you’re good enough for Mingyu? What if they end up hating you completely?

You’re not usually one to worry too much about what people think of you, but the idea of anyone as close to Mingyu as his family not liking you fills you with an immeasurable amount of dread. You’ve been dating for nearly a year, and you care about him more than anyone else you’ve ever been with. You’re lucky enough to have been able to fall into his friend group so easily and get along with everyone, but his family is so much deeper than that. You’re not sure you can handle someone like his mom taking one look at you and deciding you’re not right for her son.

You have a few weeks before the reunion, so you figure if you can deny him enough times, he'll forget about it and stop bringing it up. So far, your plan is failing miserably, though, as every other day, he’s bringing it up in person or sending you message after message about it.

You’ll be the first to admit that you have a problem opening up and talking about your feelings. You tend to bottle your emotions up inside, keeping them tucked close to you and have been that way as long as you can remember. Because of this, you’ve yet to tell Mingyu the real reason you keep turning him down, at least not yet, not until you can gather the courage to dive into your feelings more.

It’s been a week since you’ve been trying to deter the reunion conversation with Mingyu, at times even turning down hanging out with him completely to doge the topic, citing you being too busy with assignments, which is half-true. Running from your feeling is the other half of that excuse, but he doesn’t need to know that yet.

After your last class on Friday ends, you head to the library, hoping to finish your homework before meeting Jeongyeon for dinner and starting the weekend. While you’re on the last question of your sociology assignment, a noticeable shadow appears over your table. When you glance up, Wonwoo, Mingyu’s roommate, is staring down at you with a stoic expression.

“Yes?”

“Mingyu is very distressed.”

“And?”

“And you should fix it. He's been moping around our room all day and blowing up the group chat nonstop. He keeps whining about how you won't go to his family reunion and meet his family.”

“He's a drama queen,” you mumble. Wonwoo sighs and leans over the table in front of you. Wonwoo is probably one of the guys in your large group of friends you were closest with, besides your boyfriend, of course. The tall, dark-haired man seemed intimidating and cold when you first met, but his looks are deceiving. Wonwoo is nothing but sweet and funny and has proven to be a great listener when you needed to vent when Jeongyeon or Mingyu weren’t around.

“He really likes you, you know. He doesn't shut up about you when you're not around, and it kind of makes the rest of us want to strangle him.” Wonwoo lets out a laugh and looks back at you as you avoid his gaze.

“Look, he wants you to meet his family because he's serious about you. He's only dated three other people in his whole life, and none of them met his family beyond maybe his parents and sister here and there. He never even mentioned bringing any of them around his entire family, so think about that.” He stands upright after his words, giving you one more look.

“I don’t want to pry, so I won’t ask you to tell me why you won’t go, but just know it’s more important to him than he’s probably said to you.” With that, Wonwoo sends you a wave that you feebly return before leaving you alone in your corner of the library.

The thought of just how important the reunion is to Mingyu hadn’t been something you thought about. And the knowledge of you being the only partner of his to meet his whole family has butterflies taking flight in your stomach and dread washing over you. Something new and foreign stirs in your chest at that moment, which has your mind whirling.

Quickly, you stand up and gather your things, sending a brief text to Jeongyeon to bring dinner to your shared room because you have something very important to discuss with her.

Your dorm building is just as busy as it usually is when you get inside, with students kicking soccer balls in the hallways, leaving their doors open while they blast music, or loitering in the halls and chatting. You take the stairs to the second floor to successfully dodge Joshua, who you glimpse heading into the elevator down the hall. Wonwoo had only cornered you to give you a small lecture, but you’re sure Joshua won’t hesitate to bring it up and try to press a little as to why you keep turning Mingyu down.

When you round the corner of your hall, you spot Jeongyeon already there, hanging outside your room while conversing with one of the younger men in your group of friends.

“Beat it, Chan.”

“What?” A look of surprise flashes over his face as he looks between the two of you.

“You heard me. Leave.”

“But earlier this morning Jeongyeon-noona said I could eat dinner with you guys tonight!”

“Yeah, well, Jeongyeon and I have something very important to discuss, and you're not invited.” His intense pout instantly makes you feel bad.

“Sorry, Chan,” you sigh. “I just really have to talk to her about something that’s kind of an emergency. Can we take a rain check?” You soften your tone, hoping to lessen his disappointment.

Chan glances at Jeongyeon, who shrugs. “Alright, fine,” he relents. “But you have to buy me a snack next time for being mean.”

“Deal,” you roll your eyes at both him and the smirk on his face. “I think your boyfriend needs some company anyway. Bye!” He meets your gaze, chuckling at the face you give him, which you know is one of exasperation. You wait until he’s down the hall before turning to face Jeongyeon.

“I guess you weren't joking in your text about something ‘life-changing and imperative’. What's going on?” She asks as she unlocks the door.

“Well, I haven't told you something because I just wanted to keep it to myself because I hoped it would go away soon, but Mingyu is stubborn, so it hasn't.”

“Which is exactly why you two are meant for one another.” You shoot Jeongyeon a look and snatch one of the bento boxes from her hands.

“Could you hang back on the sarcasm while I talk? And just let me get it all out first.”

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead. I'm all ears.”

You each sit on your respective beds facing each other, and you let the word vomit flow. You recount Wonwoo’s words about the family reunion to her and what he had told you about Mingyu’s past partners, and how much this all means to him. You also let out your feelings that you’ve been trying to keep to yourself - about your insecurities and worries about making a good impression and the guilt nagging at you every time you turn Mingyu down.

“This is just so important to him, and I can't even do this one thing! The thought of all of those people there judging me for my major or the way I look or the outfit I decide to wear, or literally anything about me! It's way too overwhelming, and every time I think about it, I go into panic mode, and I start to feel anxious and itchy. I’m terrified that they won’t like me, Jeongyeon.

“What if they try to tell Gyu to break up with me or something? What if we get there, and he sees me being weird and awkward, and I make a bad impression, and he decides that I’m not who he thought I was, and he wants to break up with me on his own? But then I’m so guilty about disappointing him and not going, and I feel like I lose whether I say no to him or whether I go and then fuck everything up. I just don't know what to do!” You let out a groan and flop backwards on the bed. Your forgotten dinner, now getting cold, jostles on the bed next to you.

The room is quiet for a few minutes before Jeongyeon speaks. “You love him.”

You sit up so quickly that your head starts to hurt. “What did you say?”

“I said you love him. That's why you feel so guilty and are so confused. I've known you since we were teenagers, Y/n. You are one of the most stubborn people I have ever met. When you don't want to do something, you simply don't, and you don't give it much of a second thought. Of course, you consider doing things you don’t want to for me and your other friends, but this is different!”

Jeongyeon hops off her bed to sit next to you, offering you a comforting back rub. “You feel the way you do because you love Mingyu, and you’re scared that his family won’t like you, which will break your heart, and you don’t want to lose him.”

You don’t respond to her, so she continues.

“If you want my opinion, I think you should go to the reunion. If you want to stay with Mingyu and keep this relationship going, you’ll have to meet his family eventually. You can’t hide from them forever if you stay together. Plus, I’m willing to bet he feels the same. Mingyu looks at you as if you are an actual ethereal being and like you’re the center of his world. I don’t think you have to worry about his reaction when and if you decide to tell him the truth about everything you’re feeling.”

Jeongyeon’s expression is soft as she looks at you, waiting for your response and giving you time to process everything.

Do you love Mingyu? Sure, you love spending time with him. He’s the most attentive, sweetest, kind-hearted partner you’ve ever had. He pays attention to every detail about you, whether your likes and dislikes or silly, arbitrary things. Every day with him feels like a dream, and you often wonder how the hell you got so lucky to end up with a boyfriend as amazing as Kim Mingyu.

Being with Mingyu is the happiest you’ve ever been, and the idea of loving him - of him being the first person you’ve ever been in true, genuine love with is uncharted waters for you. The mere idea of losing him leaves a gaping hole in your chest - the hypothetical of that situation alone makes your eyes water. Not hugging Mingyu? Not holding hands or sharing laughter with him? Not seeing his beautiful, perfect face in the morning as he snores just the tiniest bit? You and Mingyu haven’t been together for that long, but any world where you have a Mingyu-shaped piece missing from your life isn’t one you ever want to think about.

As if sensing you deep in thought, Jeongyeon gives you a final pat before leaving you alone. She grabs the rest of her dinner, letting you know she’ll be back later and mumbling something about “finally having a breakthrough and needing to take care of something.” You bid her farewell with a simple nod, reaching for your bento box to quiet your grumbling stomach. Eating in silence, you try to sort through the jumbled mess in your head, digesting the new thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing, all for the first stressful time.

You stay holed up in your dorm room the rest of the weekend, thankful now more than ever that you managed to get a schedule with only weekday classes.

Mingyu, being the caring boyfriend he is, knows something is wrong on Saturday morning right away. When you wake up, you have a few texts from him, asking to see you and take you out.

His desperation to check in with you and see you are obvious, even through written words, which makes it hard to turn him away.

[Y/n] I want to be alone this weekend, okay, Gyu? I’m not feeling very social.

[Gyu💖] Are you sure? Is everything okay?

[Y/n] Yeah, I just want alone time, okay? 🙂

[Gyu💖] 🥺

[Gyu💖] Okay, baby. Whatever you want ❤️

You can practically hear the pout in his text, and it feels shitty to turn him away, but you need more time. Since Friday night, when Jeongyeon had planted the seed in your brain, you decide it would be best to avoid Mingyu just to get your thoughts in order.

Jeongyeon passes along the message to the rest of your friends that you’re fine and just need some alone time. It’s the only thing that quiets your phone and stops your various group chats from continuing to go off. Everyone is kind enough to respect your wishes though, allowing you to spend the two days drowning in your thoughts and eating almost half of your and Jeongyeon’s instant ramen stash. It was probably dramatic to hide away all weekend, but it helped you wake up on Monday with a clearer head.

“I hope you plan on talking to Mingyu today,” Jeongyeon says as you get ready for your Monday morning lecture. “I saw him yesterday when I was eating lunch, and he looked like a lost, sad puppy without you there bossing him around. All he needed was a rainstorm and a choreography routine, and he would’ve looked straight out of an early 2000s break-up song music video.”

The image makes you laugh just a little before frowning and feeling bad for leaving him hanging all weekend.

“I am, I promise. I just needed to get my shit together.”

The two of you head out across campus to your shared lecture hall. Mingyu has class is in the building on the other side of campus, so you won’t have to see him for a couple of hours, giving you plenty of time to calm your nerves.

That idea is dismissed when you get inside and spot him by your classroom door. Mingyu’s long legs allow him to reach you in an instant, gently grabbing your arm and whisking you around the corner and into the stairwell. You can already tell he’s unhappy just by the look on his face.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Is the first thing out of his mouth.

“What?”

“I asked if you’re breaking up with me. I know you said you needed time alone, and Jeongyeon told us all the same thing, mentioning that you were just taking a couple of mental health days, but does that mean that you’re breaking up with me and were just taking time to think about doing it?”

“Mingyu, I-”

“Is it because I keep pressuring you to meet my family? You don't have to!”

“It's not that I just-”

“Am I too annoying? I swear I won’t bring it up again! And if there’s anything else that I do that’s too annoying or immature,  just tell me, and I'll change, I promise!"

“Mingyu, you don't understand. I just need to-”

“No, you don't understand! I really like you, okay, Y/n? I like you more than anyone I’ve ever dated. Just going two days without being around you killed me! That, on top of the fact that I couldn't even call you or see your face, made it so much worse! I just wanted to break down your door and come in and hold you in my arms even though you'd probably be yelling at me the whole time. I just hated the thought of you being unhappy, and I couldn’t do anything about it.” Mingyu looks almost near tears as he takes in a big breath.

“I don't care if you say that it's too soon, but I just need to say that I think I'm in love with you! You don't have to feel the same yet or say it back, I just needed to say it. Even if you think I'm foolish or that I don't know anything, and-”

“Kim Mingyu, I love you too!” You yank the front of his shirt and pull him closer.

“What did you just say?” Your forehead rests against his, his brown eyes wide as he gapes at you.

“I said that I love you too. That's what I was doing this weekend. I needed time to think about my feelings and figure out if I was in love with you, and I am. I felt bad about saying no to meeting your family, and I felt like such a terrible partner, and I couldn't figure out why, but I was able to think about it, and goddammit, I love you. I love you a lot, and it scares me because I don’t think I’ve ever truly been in love, but I know that I love you.”

You barely have the chance to catch your breath from your speech before Mingyu is leaning down and stealing the air left in your lungs. He presses you against the wall as your arms wind around his neck, and you sigh into the kiss, indulging in the familiar, comforting taste that is Kim Mingyu. He drags his tongue across your bottom lip, asking for entrance which you immediately grant him. The kiss easily deepens as your tongues intertwine, and his grip on your waist gets tighter. If you hadn't needed to breathe, you would've spent the rest of the day exactly the way you are.

Mingyu pulls away, allowing you to breathe, both of you panting, flushed, and smiling like idiots at each other.

“You love me,” Mingyu whispers.

“I love you.”

“Say it again,” you roll your eyes at the wonderful, wide grin he shoots you but repeat yourself, punctuating it with a quick kiss on the tiny mole on his nose.

“And I love you too.” Mingyu murmurs, nuzzling his nose against yours before capturing your lips once again. Your hands move to his hair, fingers grabbing at his soft strands.

“Ahem!” A sudden voice makes the two of you spring apart. When you glance to the doorway, you see Jeongyeon waiting, her face serious and her arms crossed. “Hey, so this is cute and all, don't get me wrong, but we have a lecture to get to like now, Y/n.”

Groaning, Mingyu peeks over his shoulder at Jeongyeon. “Fine, I'll let go.” When he turns back to you still in his arms, a different expression clouds his features. “But this evening, after your last class, I'm coming to your room, and you're all mine.” His words and the look in his eyes make your face heat up, already knowing what you have to look forward to tonight.

“O - okay,” you croak, clearing your throat. Mingyu gives you one more kiss before slipping past Jeongyeon and waving at you both down the hall.

“Ugh, please don't tell me you guys are going to have sex in our room. What about me?!”

You snap out of the trance your boyfriend left you in and side-eye your best friend. “What about you? Why don't you go do the same with Jimin while we're busy? I may have barricaded myself in our room, but I still have a way of knowing things. Like how Professor Ok caught you two making out and having quite the heavy petting session in the back of the cafeteria yesterday.” Jeongyeon’s jaw drops as her cheeks begin to turn bright red.

“How did you know that?!”

“I have my ways.” You smirk as she follows you into your lecture. Even though you were a recluse all weekend, you still checked your phone from time to time. A celebratory message from Seungkwan in your group chat with a few other nosey friends confirmed the news and everyone was relieved to finally have confirmation that Jeongyeon and Jimin had admitted their feelings for one another.

“All I know is, it's about damn time.” You practically skip to your seat, leaving Jeongyeon stuttering out an excuse behind you.

“I'm not moving this van until you all have your seat belts on.” Seungcheol eyes all of you in the rearview mirror and waits until he hears the click of seat belts to pull out of the campus parking lot.

After much debate, all of you decide to spend the week in a hotel near the closest beach to you. Winter has officially left, and spring is now in its place, with weather warm enough for shorts and tank tops. You had all chipped in to rent a fifteen-passenger van and are leaving campus at eight in the morning, thanks to Seokmin’s nagging about getting the best spot on the sand.

Once the van starts to move, Jeongyeon turns around to the row of seats behind her and lays her head on the back of the seat. You look up from your phone to meet her gaze, already knowing what she’s going to ask.

“So, how was the reunion? I didn't get a chance to ask you since you guys got back.” You and Mingyu had gotten back from his parent's house the night before when Jeongyeon was asleep, and with the excitement of getting ready to leave this morning, the two of you hadn’t gotten much time to talk about it.

“It was really fun, actually. His family was super nice and accepting. He threw a fit at one point because his little sister and one of his cousins were attached to my hip. His mom threatened to show me any and every embarrassing picture of him she had if he didn’t stop acting like a baby and that worked.” You let out a quiet snicker, glancing at Mingyu, asleep on your shoulder.

“She was seriously so sweet, though. And the only time I embarrassed myself was when we were going into the house to help her with some of the food, and she said something along the lines of ‘When you two get married,’ which made me trip, and Gyu had to catch me before I ate dirt.”

Jeongyeon stifles a laugh, covering it with a cough. “Well, hey, at least she likes you! You were worried over nothing.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But oh! I take it Jimin had other plans for break?”

She flushes, nodding. “Yeah, he already had a trip booked with his friends, so he couldn’t come. We have a date planned for when we both get back to school, though, so I’m excited about that.” A dopey smile plays on her lips, and you coo at the gesture.

“I’m so glad you two finally admitted that you like each other!”

“Me too!” Soonyoung pipes up from next to Jeongyeon. “Do you know how annoying it was to hear Jimin gush over you in dance class every week? I swear, every time we were partnered up, his first questions were always about how you were doing and if you were seeing anyone. I can only answer back ‘fine’ and ‘no’ so many times before I lose my mind!”

“Shut it, Soonyoung! I thought you were asleep!” He ignores Jeongyeon and turns in his seat to face you.

“I hope I don’t have to hear him talk even more about how great she is! I don’t think I can stand fifty minutes of him running how mouth about how much he likes her and all the dates they go on and how good she is in bed and -”

Jeongyeon sucks her teeth, snatching his tiger plushie from his hands and hitting him over the head with it a few times. “You know all about running your mouth, don’t you?! Stop talking about my relationship!”

“I’m sorry, stop it! Y/n, get her!”

“Sorry, I can’t hear you!” Popping your earbuds in, you gesture to your now occupied ears, dramatically shrugging at your friends.

Mingyu stirs next to you, and you can’t help but brush away a stray piece of hair from his face. The commotion barely phases him as he adjusts to wrap his arms around your waist and bury his face into your neck.

Aside from Jeongyeon threatening Soonyoung’s life, everyone else is either chatting quietly with each other or sleeping, the energy low from getting up so early, but you’re nowhere near tired, still feeling full of warmth and admiration for Mingyu’s family and how well they treated you. Instead of trying to sleep, you settle for laying your head on top of Mingyu's and simply enjoying the warmth of your boyfriend the man that you are wholeheartedly in love with.

[tracybirds]

Been sitting on this bit of fic for a couple of months :) Think I'm ready to put it out in the world

Hunger Games!AU - initially inspired by @tanushakyrano who I believe is knee deep in their own hg au <3 and also thanks to @gumnut-logic whom I inflicted this on when I first wrote it and played cheerleader :D

Hopefully more to come (I have ideas.....)

---

The clang of metal on metal pulled Gordon from his sleep, the grey light of a new day greeting him. For a moment, he didn’t move. If he stayed still, curled between Alan and Virgil, he could stave off the day and ignore the jolt of fear that clamoured for attention in his belly.

Another clanging pulled Scott upright, muttering as he rubbed a hand across his eyes. He reached out and placed a hand on Virgil’s shoulder and shook him roughly.

“C’mon Virg, dawn bell’s ringing.”

Virgil groaned, mumbling for five more minutes, but the day had begun and no-one in the district cared if one of their citizens would rather have a lie in.

Scott glanced across at Gordon as he hauled Virgil upright. “Don’t you have chores waiting? Harvest doesn’t stop just because it’s Reaping Day. You and John better get gone.”

Gordon didn’t say anything, the sick feeling in his stomach intensifying at the word. John was up already, pulling on a threadbare shirt. He didn’t look at any of them.

Alan yawned. “What am I doing today?”

Scott crouched down, smile fixed firmly in place. “You’re going to help Grandma with the meals – try barter with the Jones-es down the way for some grain – and we’ll see you in the afternoon.”

“Can’t I help with harvest? Pol’s been helping since his birthday.”

Scott swallowed thickly. “No, Allie. Not ‘til your first reaping’s done, you remember what Dad said. We’ll talk next summer.”

Alan nodded. “Okay,” he said easily. “Next year then.”

He scurried away without further protest, and Scott slumped forward with a sigh.

“It’ll be over soon,” said John quietly.

No-one said anything, not wanting to speak their fears aloud and invite them into reality.

“I want to apply for extra,” said Gordon, suddenly. “It’s John’s last year, and we need the tesserae.”

 “No.”

All three older brothers spoke as one.

Gordon met their horrified gaze steadily, his jaw set and face grim.

“You know I’m right. We nearly didn’t make this year without Virgil’s share. If we lose John’s too and there’s no way to make up the shortfall, what do you think will happen come winter?”

“It’s not worth the risk,” spat Scott, his fists shaking.

Gordon snorted. “It’s no less than what you did for us, or Virgil, or John. I’m fifteen now. John’s put his name in, what, eighteen times this year?”

“Twenty-four,” corrected John. He shrank back from Scott and Virgil’s twin looks of horror.

“I knew it,” said Gordon triumphantly. “Every year since he was fourteen, I’m older than that.”

“This isn’t a game, Gordon,” snapped Virgil. “You don’t win for getting your name in the most times, you just get dead.”

“We need that tesserae,” argued Gordon. “Look, I get it, we’ve been that low before, I can do the math as well as you, but last time that happened we had Dad.”

At once, the light diminished, as though the mere mention of the man who’d towered over their family extinguished all oxygen from the room, taking the candle flame with it.

Scott looked like he wanted to hit something, fists clenching and unclenching at his side.

“We can manage,” said Virgil. “There’ll be three of us working for the adult wage next year, we won’t need the extras.”

“Yes, we will,” interjected John.

The admission fell from gritted teeth. Living was a numbers game in the districts, and no-one kept track of the numbers better than John. Gordon exhaled slowly, hope and dread flickering internally with equal measure.

“He’s right,” said John, his voice louder. “Maybe we’ll survive without it, but that’s no guarantee if the crops fail like they did in ’56. Or if a new craze sweeps the Capitol and they need more grain than usual to make whatever extravagant waste-of-space meal is the hot menu item of the season. There’s too many uncertainties, and we can’t base our food supply on a best-case scenario.”

Virgil chewed at his bottom lip, still staring at Scott worriedly. “We might need to trade for medicine or fuel come winter, too,” he admitted reluctantly. “It was only luck we didn’t lose Gordon right alongside Dad that year. And Coney, she says this winter’s going to be a hard one.”

“What does Coney know?” scoffed Scott. “You’d risk Gordon’s life on a maybe?”

“It’s my choice,” snapped Gordon. “Besides, I’d be six slips out of what, a thousand? We need those supplies and you know it.”

Scott opened his mouth to argue, but a second clanging toll rung out and interrupted him.

“That’s the assembly bell,” said Virgil, eyes darting between Scott and the door. “We need to go.”

Scott hesitated, lips pursed as he levelled Gordon with a solemn look in his eyes. “Your choice. You’re right, I can’t stop you. But please, Gordon, think it through. You don’t know what it’s like to watch your little brothers…” His breath heaved in his chest, and he turned away. “Let’s go,” he said to Virgil, leaving John and Gordon behind.

The tension remained, shooting sizzling static through the air as Gordon tried to catch his thoughts and reorder them.

“You’re going to do it, aren’t you?” said John quietly.

“Next year we’ll need more than seven allotments.”

There wasn’t much else to say. Unless they brought in a fourth wage next year, by manner of marriage which only meant another mouth to feed, they wouldn’t last the winter.

The wages in District 11 were just enough to keep the population meagrely fed when the weather was fair and the farming a success. But there was no margin for error. Consequently, the poorest members of the district were reliant on the reaping for extra resources.

Gordon wasn’t stupid.

The least valuable were always more likely to be selected.

It was simple math.

[aswegoalong72]

Hi! I’d like to keep you all updated on book progress, so I’m going to try to do weekly updates alongside miscellaneous information about the main location in the novel itself.

To start, I’m going to give a rundown of all the books, and where I sit with those:

Dawn - ~6% complete (696 words) Yuniv & Semat - 1% complete Deep Freeze - 1% complete To Touch Tenav - 1% complete Piercing The Veil - ~42% complete (118,307 words) “Book Two” - ~2% complete (483 words) “Book Three” - 1% complete Universal Ideal - 1% complete

As you can see, I’m still in the very early stages with all this! The only book that has a very appreciable amount of development is Piercing The Veil (PTV), which was originally going to be the first and only book before I decided to expand things more.

The only other books with any actual written material are Book Two and Dawn, which both are very minimally worked on apart from the beginnings of a chapter or two.

The rest are all unwritten; despite this, I’ve done a reasonable amount of worldbuilding for them, and am ready to get to them once I can get to them, hence the 1% progress.

As for progress, in this past week, I’ve made very little on PTV. I’ve done a little editing of the current chapter I’m working on, but that’s it.

Dawn has seen the most work this week, with two short stories being started and heavily workshopped! Dawn is pretty much ready for me to go once I get the time and energy, so maybe in a few weeks we’ll start seeing noticeable progress in it.

I’m only going to do roughly 10k words for each short story, which there’ll be about 8 of. It’ll cover the period from ~290,000 BC to 1112 AD in the Gregorian calendar for their history, featuring a few major events in their societal evolution.

The one I'm very excited about, and has seen the most development of the two I've started working on. As such, it'll probably be the first to be finished of them all! That about wraps it up for progress. I've been struggling a bit health wise this past week, and haven't really had the time or energy to do much work. I spent most of my energy already early in the month, it seems! To finish this entry off, I'd like to leave you with the song that gave me the title for this project.

"As We Go Along" by The Monkees (1968) - (direct link since yt sucks)

This song is very important to me, as I feel it perfectly encapsulates the entirety of my story's setting and feeling. Life isn't a competition, take things slowly, and love one another. I also really appreciate the "for I’m not gonna try/to hurt you/or heal you/or steal your star" line, as it really fits into the theme in the later books. That's all I'll say on the matter :) Until next week! <3

[aeghina]

Vampire AU

CW: mentions of blood, nudity and sex

Part 2!

“Is he your son?” Someone asks in the store line. Mask fortunately doesn’t pay attention, still looking at the chocolates near the cashier.

“Little brother actually.” They tried the son lie before, he looked too young to have a child even some centuries ago when women started having children at fourteen. Actually, some girls still have babies at fourteen these days. Some things never changed, but this should. 

“Oh I see. So you’re not taken.” he eyed the person again and let his senses focus. Woman, near thirties, no smoke smell, no easy to recognize disease, pretty common face after seeing so many hylians for the last thousand years living in the country. Ah, he had worse people before.

“No, single and ready to mingle.” He ignored the huff from Mask

“I’m taking a box of each.” Mask said and he waved him off, the other putting different chocolates inside the cart, but Warriors’ eyes still focused on the woman 

“I’m actually new in the neighborhood.” She says, slightly embarrassed. Blood rushed to her cheeks and wasn’t that a lovely vision? His mouth watered.

“You should come for the potluck this saturday, everyone is welcome.” He nodded with an easy smile, they walked a bit closer to the cashier when the line moved “Maybe stay for dinner.” 

“I’d love to.”

“Great!” He swallowed, thickly and had to control his senses to not be overwhelmed. Too many people here, no need to start another carnage, the last one took months to clean and years in another country until they were ok to come back. 

“You should put in the salad dressing.” Mask counted the bags and checked the needles before locking them inside the chest again. Warriors hummed, crumpling the herbs and poured it in the gravy pan. “Not everyone eats meat these days.”

“Not everyone likes salad too.”

The only good point of living forever is learning to do a lot of things. Their group of horrible cooks could now make a decent feast and nowadays people were so happy to participate in a neighborhood potluck, it was easy to mix some herbs that would improve the blood flow and say it is a family recipe, it was even easier to have a group only large enough that everyone could sit down in the couch after lunch and lounge and plan for the next one. The market lady came and he introduced her to the others, she’d need good connections just arriving in a city and he was more than happy to provide. 

Someone had to miss her to tell the news to the family in case things get out of control.

“Did you get your toys Junior?” He asked and the glare Mask sent made him snicker when the other vampire brought his bag.

“Whore.” He mumbled in old hylian, a dead language that they could use to talk in secret even in private

“Grouchy bastard.” He replied without batting an eye, the insults were too common by now to really offend. He knew Mask was a bit jealous, it was hard to be taken seriously as a kid. “Thanks for watching over him tonight.” Warriors says to the couple, waiting with their own child

“Not a problem, Link.” the friendly neighbor smiled, running a hand over their stomach “But man, that lamb was good. Send me the recipe later.”

“Absolutely.” he nodded and waved them off. 

“Save some food for me!” Mask complained 

“Don’t worry, there’ll be enough.” Hopefully. He probably should fill a blood bag instead of biting.

Ah, who was he trying to fool? With a warm body under him, heart racing and blood flowing full of adrenaline and dopamine after sex, his fangs were out and piercing skin.

“Wars!” He groaned and let go of the woman, licking his lips to save every possible drop 

“What?” He licked her neck, closing the wound. It had the double effect of medium anesthesic, so he sucked on the skin, leaving a red mark that wouldn’t be too questioned other than the expected after a wild night.

“Problem. Big problem.”

“Someone better be dying.” 

“They are.”

“Gods kill me.” He grunted, raising his head to see the other by the side of the bed, the woman passed out under him, still so warm and delicious. Mask was looking at her too, eyes large and mouth hanging and he could see the fangs poking out of his lips “Nah-ah, she’s mine. You had a whole family to eat from.” Mask shook his head 

“It’s her.” Mask showed his phone “Four just sent me.” A picture of a young teen, hiking a hill and giving a thumbs up.

“Where?” Mask raised his arms, as frustrated as he was. “Damn it all, have you called Sky?”

“Not picking up.” Mask looked to the woman again, not with hunger but concern “Are you going to leave her here?'' The woman slept without a worry in her mind. They couldn’t disappear without an explanation. This would work maybe fifty years ago, but these days? Not a fat chance. He sat down on the mattress

“You also can’t disappear from the Wolton’s house.” He sighed and covered her with the blankets “Call me at six, I won’t pick up for two first tries then I’ll take the third one.”

“Korean?”

“German, I think I’ve told someone about us having family in Munich.” Mask nodded and went to his room while Warriors went for the closet where he kept the luggages, not caring about dressing.

Clothes were never really a worry for them. An immortal life meant their savings doubled every fifty years, without counting investments (or heists when they were particularly bored). But they carried magic items, books with curses and spells that while harmless in human hands, could be one hell of a headache with someone from the other realms. Mask was already filling his luggage with small boxes, he knew each carried a different mask that could shapeshift him or drive a man to madness. A nasty thing he enjoyed collecting over years. Warriors debated over taking the fire rod. The house would still be theirs but who knew how long until they came back? Better take it too. 

“Got any space left in your magical bag?” Mask put his hand inside until almost the shoulder with a frown but nodded, he threw the rod at him and it was safely kept.

“I think I can only fit one bottle here.”

“Put the dragon blood. Wild would kill us if it’s wasted.”

He walked around the rest of the house, checking. No noteworthy work of art here, he got a couple more magical tools that were in the office. Alright, everything looked harmless enough for humans until they could come back or ask someone to come. Mask was carrying now two large bottles of silver liquid, comically big in his little arms.

“Oh shit.” Warriors dragged a hand on his face “Why is this here?” Mask shrugged, the bottles clinking with the motion “I swear, it’s a miracle we never stopped carrying those things.” He carefully put the bottles near the curses book, involving both with fabric stitched in fae glamor. For human eyes, hopefully, they’d look like shampoo or something harmless. A soft sound coming from Mask made them glance at each other before Mask got his phone.

“Wind found him.” Mask frowned to his phone “Hyrule.”

“Of fucking course.” If anything, Hylia was predictable. He closed the first luggage. “Central? The woods?”

“Ordon.” Warriors almost broke the zipper.

“Ordon?” he hissed back.

“He lives in a bigger city north, but hometown is Ordon. That’s basically our backyard.” Mask nodded while he put the luggage against the office table. He crouched near the drawer pulling documents they would need to travel and stuffing them in the outside pocket of the luggage for easier access.

“How is she coming any close to it with a holy spring right there?” the smaller vampire shrugged and Warriors sighed, putting his head against the luggage “Please tell me he’s a priest or something.”

“I think he’s a student.” Mask hummed “Wind is looking for a better picture. There’s him and another guy. Dividing?”

“Dividing.” Warriors pulled his hair backwards, looking up to the ceiling. They barely started in this city. 

The acting on the next day was easier than the last preparations from the night before. He pretended to be asleep and the woman stirred when his phone ringed loudly one, two and finally before it became a third missed call he picked it up. He apologized, saying it was a family problem and he had to pick up his little brother immediately and she was understanding enough (gods dammit it all, he could have fed more, she wasn’t even dizzy!). 

They were out of the city and inside a plane in less than two hours. 

[cfs-crohns-colitis-warrior]

It sucks being chronically ill. I want to be able to make money to pay my own way in life, to pay for my share of things, but I can’t work at the moment, maybe ever, so how am I supposed to do that?

A normal job is out of the question, I tried that in 2021 and struggled a lot after only about a month of part time work, and it was fairly straight forward and easy stuff, just basic filing etc.

Working from home is tough too. I don’t know if I’ll always be able to do the hours requested, because I never know what kind of week, day or even hour I’m going to have. I might manage all my work one work, the next I might not manage any of it. I’m going to struggle finding something flexible and simple enough for me to do (cause I don’t have that many skills) and even if I find something suitable it’s not guaranteed I’ll even get the job, especially since they’re more likely to go with someone who will be more reliable.

Then there’s the fact that I only have so much energy, and it’s always a debate on how to spend it. I have to use so much for showering, eating, just basic living to keep myself alive and clean basically. The thing is, I don’t want all my remaining energy to just go on work and earning money, because what kind of life is that? I want to be able to enjoy my time too. I want to be able to sit and read for a bit before bed, I want to be able to use my energy to cook delicious food or to help keep the house clean. But after all that, what energy is there left for work?

Even starting my own business will be a struggle. I doubt I’ll ever earn enough that it would be a replacement for a part time job, let alone a full time one. It’s just my hobby that I want to use to earn a little money from, because it’s much more flexible for me to do. The truth is though, I can only manage so much, and what happens if I stop being able to make anything?

Sure, at the moment I’m on benefits which helps me pay board and my phone bill etc, and I’m able to budget money for other stuff like entertainment when I can manage it and for going out for food, but I pay for very minimal things since I still live at home with my mum and dad.

What on Earth will happen when I’m able to move in with my boyfriend? My benefits will likely stop, since they don’t view someone as an individual, and so all money issues will fall to him. I’ll have to rely on him to pay for everything, and he’ll be the sole earner, earning barely enough money for one person, and having to pay for two. I don’t want him to pay for everything. I want to be able to pay for my own stuff, but I’m just too ill to be able to afford it. What the hell am I supposed to do?

My dad had a decent job, and my mum didn’t work and wasn’t able to get any benefits, so my dad has always paid for everything. I’ve seen first hand the kind of strain that can put on a relationship. My illnesses will already put a lot of strain on us before money even gets involved. Now I’m worried about how everything will affect my relationship and what on Earth we’re going to do. All I want to do right now is go to bed and go to sleep, but I’m too worried about the damn future thanks to unforeseeable illnesses that take everything from a person and they have no way to stop it or reverse it.

All I can hope for right now is that there’s something out there for me, some way to earn an okay amount of money at least, or that there’ll somehow be some miracle cure found soon that means I’ll be able to work a normal job again.

Anyway, another rant over, worries out of my head a bit. This is basically just a way for me to voice my thoughts and feelings to try and not keep it all bottled up inside me. I hope other peoples lives are going better than mine right now…

[jodilin65]

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 2003 On this last day of November, I sit and think about how I am not looking forward to December. It could very well be a pretty shitty month. Why is something doing this to us? Just what is it that wants us out of here so badly, and is it something that’s against us being here, or against anyone being here? Well, if it’s a restless spirit of some kind that may’ve died here many years ago, then the next people will get shit, too. As for our breakage curse (now the fuser on my laser printer’s acting up); that follows us wherever we go, so even if we get out of here before the well breaks again there’ll only be trouble with the next one.

There goes the renters to haul water. Their place looks shitty as usual, but their dog’s been quieter at night. That’s because it’s so cold, so the poor thing’s probably using up all its energy shivering in the cold and has none left over for barking. As soon as the sun comes up it starts up, though. It does its thing when it sets, too.

Anyway, I’ve been a little bummed and anxious with all this uncertainty going on. Tom said not to worry about us ending up homeless and that if worse came to worse, we could get an acre right here in Maricopa and put a piece of shit on it, but I’d hate to have to do that. No, it wouldn’t be Brattleboro, Valleyhead, Estrella Jail, a house in the city or an apartment, but it’d be plenty noisy enough. In a place as open as this where everyone’s dogs are kept outdoors 24/7, the barking would be pretty obnoxious. If we can’t get more land, I really don’t want to have to get any less than what we’ve already got, but as Tom pointed out, if we do, it’d be easier to fence. Maybe even put up a block wall if it’s going to be just an acre.

A part of me is wondering if another reason we may end up being forced out of here is to prevent us from making a lot of money off this place in the future. If that’s the case, then we’re wasting our time trying to make money with websites.

So many questions, never any answers! See, I knew God would replace my old freeloader problems with new ones, but I’d certainly rather this over the array of past problems I’ve had.

Here goes the renters again. I swear we’ve had more traffic on Ralston in just the first year they lived here than in all the time we were here before they arrived. Last night alone, as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard them go by 6 different times. They all might not have been coming/going from their place, but I’m sure most of them were. I’m sure it’ll be like this when we move too, and that we’ll be next to rentals with virtual junkyards and tons of people and dogs that are home constantly.

Anyway, Tom checked for me and Walmart sells 25-packs of incense for just 84¢ while they’re $1.75 for a 20-pack at Incense Galore. I’m still going to buy from Incense Galore, though, as they have a huge variety. Walmart incense will be good for in-between orders.

I haven’t worked on my current story, A New Life, a New Love in several days. There’s no hurry. I’ll get to it when I get to it.

I have one thing to look forward to in the midst of all this shit and that’s that tomorrow we’re going to the bookstore. I just hope it exists! We’ll call them first to make sure they haven’t moved so we don’t end up going out for nothing like we did the last time, though we wanted to get pets that day, too. I also hope we can sell some of the stuff we want to sell, too.

Lastly, I hope to get a letter from Mary. That’d cheer me up and take one more worry off my shoulders. I mean, it’s not like her to not respond about my last book, the photo contest and all that’s been going on with us.

There’s now just one mouse left.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2003 Well, I’ll be damned. Netflip actually credited me the rest of the money owed to me which is a total of $23.90. The next step is to get them to send the damn check.

After this year, I don’t think I’ll bother printing out journals anymore. I figure there’s no need to waste paper and ink when I have them on two hard drives, one floppy disk and one CD. It’s not like Tom and I are ever going to “break up” where I’ll need to print copies to take with me.

I skipped my walk yesterday, but am down a pound because I watched my cals yesterday. I had roughly around 1400 and so now I’m 127. The problem is that this is as low as I seem to be able to get, so I won’t count on dropping any more. I can’t even remember the last time I was 125. I know it was over a year ago because it was last New Year’s when I discovered I could no longer lose weight but a few measly pounds. I can pull myself down to 127 from 130, but not to the 100-110 I used to be able to pull myself down to.

I hope I finally hear something from Mary today if Tom stops at the PO, but either way, I should mail her Christmas card off on Monday. That way, if there’s any delay with the increase in mail volume, it will still get to her on time. With Christmas being her favorite holiday, she’s bound to love it.

I don’t know why New Year’s Eve was always my favorite holiday. We never got presents at that time. Perhaps it’s because most of my life was so shitty that each new year presented a ray of hope if only a teeny weenie bit and even if it was usually false hope in the end. Also, it was the only real time I felt “free.” Free from Dureen’s wrath and control. Being able to stay up so late was quite a big thrill, too.

I’m especially looking forward to this new year despite the fact that it’ll be filled with lots of uncertainty. This will be our first year without the welfare bums being a part of our lives since 1996.

Later…

I just walked a mile in 20 minutes and Tom’s out doing one of God’s favorite things he stuck in his cards for him to do – fixing the truck.

What a strenuous workout I had, yet it makes me feel good! It’s easily the equivalent of Mary running up and down the stairs like she says she does. I don’t think you can find a much harder workout than this. I can only manage a few quick scattered spurts of jogging. For the most part, though, I can’t go much faster than 4 MPH on this thing. One really needs to already be in good shape in order to handle this thing.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2003 The renters, who add more and more junk and vehicles to their yard “décor” each month, are back to trashing us again. I see at least a few clumps of their shit towards the back of our land, but it’s okay. We’ll be moving in late February, from what my vibes and logic tell me (to northern Arizona or Nevada). If I’m wrong and we stay, we’ll just fence up and make it harder for their shit to blow over here.

I got a really cool paper sample in the mail today. It’s this super high-gloss paper that makes the pictures you print out look like actual photographs.

I decided to send Paula tons of samples, too. I know she’ll dig them.

I had a bad truck vibe the other day, and sure enough, the water pump blew, so now he’s got to replace it, using the one from the green truck. I’m just so glad we’ve got two vehicles so that when one craps out on us like it does every other day, we can at least use the other one. Anyway, the breakage curse just never ends. It never fucking ends. I don’t know how we’re going to get the time to try to get ahead in life when all we do is get set back over and over and over again.

We talked about it, and we both agree that since we have no respect for our so-called “fellow” human beings what with the way there are so many sick, evil people out there, to take advantage of their stupidity and vulnerability. They’ve taken from us and fucked us over, so why not return the favor? Maybe that’s why God never punishes our perps. Maybe he’s just waiting for us to give them a taste of their own medicine on our own, and so we’re thinking of running some sort of online scam. There are a variety of things we can do that are considered wrong by most, but still legal. I won’t write much more about it till we come up with a more concrete idea, but one idea is to be an online psychic. I’m the real thing, unlike most of the quacks out there, but when I don’t get any vibes, I’ll have to make them up. There’s also the possibility of the popular “get rich” thing where you spend money to work instead of making money from working. There are a lot of desperados out there who believe they can turn the tables eventually and make some of the money they’ve been spending, but meanwhile, they’ll pay to work.

Tom finished my third book and agreed that it’s the best one so far and that I’m getting more and more professional with my writing.

Still nothing from Mary. I’m surprised, too. I mean, I know she’s had her spells where she didn’t write for a week or two, but she’s usually pretty good with feeling what I feel and quickly responding to it when something good or bad comes up. In other words, I thought she’d have been psyched right along with me about the photo contest and quick to say so, as well as eager to send words of encouragement over the well crisis and hard time we’re having. Certainly, my book didn’t scare her to death which I haven’t even heard about yet. Nah, she’s tougher than that. I guess she’s just broke herself and isn’t able to write because if something were wrong, I’d think her aunt would’ve notified me.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27, 2003 Last night’s wake-up call was a round of sonic booms. That’s twice in less than a week that I’ve been woken up in rural Maricopa! I’m so sick of being punished with this house. The question is, though, am I really being punished for living in a luxurious house, by an evil spirit that lurks here, or for leaving the city? Well, I started getting slight moving vibes last night (to northern AZ?), so maybe I’ll find that out soon enough. Unless Tom finds a job that pays tremendously well right off the bat, we’re definitely out of here. I look forward to change. Especially if the changes are good ones or at least going to lead to good ones, but I have my fears about it, too. Will we get stuck in the city during the transition? Will there be more sonic booms where we move to? Will other bad things happen if we move? The unknown can be both frustrating and scary at times. I just wish I had somewhat of a sense of what’s going on! Meanwhile, I’m going to try to stay on days if they’re going to return to flying every day.

Yesterday, in 3 or 4 spurts, I walked 2 miles in 40 minutes. I’m walking further in less time now that I’m getting used to this thing, but because it’s so damn strenuous, I can’t really go faster than a 3- or 4-MPH pace.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2003 Now I’m in the 2000s on Memolink.

My last letter to Mary was returned saying that the word puzzle I sent wasn’t allowed and I’m like fuck this shit with things being sometimes allowed and sometimes not allowed! It doesn’t seem to be a matter of what is/isn’t allowed so much as it seems to be a case of whether or not the receiving officer wishes to okay it. It all depends on the officer. From now on, I’m not sending anything other than letters, journals and drafts. I’m not even sending graphics because, for all I know, the pictures of dolls that were always acceptable may suddenly not be acceptable should they be received by an officer high on control.

Anyway, I still haven’t heard from her, so I don’t know what’s going on. If there’s anything new going on with the case, I don’t know. I never bother to check because I figure she’ll tell me about it herself when something comes up.

I got a letter from Paula yesterday which was nice. I even spoke to her because I wanted to know if the incense stick I sent made it to her in one piece, but she hasn’t been to her box. She has a cold, she says. I told her I’d concentrate on putting a spell on her to make it better and that I’d call back to find out if it worked.

She still wants me to make her CDs of people like Ashanti, Nsync, R. Kelly, Madonna, Mariah Carey, TLC and stuff like that, but like I told her, my burner’s broken and we’re broke, too. I’m also sick of giving to those who won’t give to me. The least she can do, for example, is send me the money to ship her the incense I don’t want when it comes time, though as I told her, she may as well wait till I’ve sampled all the ones I want to sample first.

She mentioned getting settlement money from the bus accident she was involved in, but whether or not she really will, I don’t know.

All I know is that Tom and I wasted yet more money. The money on the mice was a waste since they’re all going to end up dead, and the cages were a waste too, because they’re really not all that great. I like these tubes better, though, cuz they’re smaller and they make climbing easier for the smallest rodents like mice.

Tom’s family really are such shits. Although we’d say no thanks because we’re not social butterflies or big fans of turkey, the decent thing to do would be to call to see how we’re doing, especially since they know we’re having a hard time, then to invite us over for Thanksgiving, offering at least to give us gas money.

I only have 55 incense sticks left because I’ve been burning them like crazy.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2003 So much for the power of prayer. I should know better by now, I swear! I had hoped that God could put aside his hatred momentarily to grant my request for him to lead Tom to a decent job, but as always, he’s going to do what he’s going to do anyway, so why bother asking for help?

The renter’s dog is getting on my nerves on and off throughout the night. Since coming to Arizona I have been so annoyed by other people’s dogs that I don’t think, regardless of where we are or where we stand financially, that I want to bother getting our own dog. I wish someone would start shooting these loose dogs and teach their owners just what’ll happen to them when they let them run loose. I didn’t come out here to Maricopa for this shit or to be woken up as much as I get woken up out here. Tonight’s wake-up call was a huge explosion somewhere. I was close to getting up anyway when it happened at 9 PM, so I wasn’t in that deep of a sleep. Still, I thought it was a dream until Tom confirmed that it was real when I got up. He said he went out and checked things out, but didn’t see anything and that it was probably a transformer that blew, reminding me of the one that blew when we were in Phoenix. Oh yes, I remember it quite well and how the blast blew the mail slot open.

I told Tom I thought we ought to sell the Bowflex or try to anyway, but he said he likes having it around. Why? So he can use it twice a year and I can use it just to stay fat?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 2003 It’s not even midnight yet and it’s already down to 35º. Maricopa really is colder in the winter and hotter in the summer than Phoenix. Even the floors get cool along with our 6” walls! Especially because there’s no cellar or concrete slab for the house to rest on.

I was able to psych $15 on the last Slingo ticket and I’m going to keep on plugging away at it. I’m just sick of God punishing us for every little blessing he does give us. Things were running smoothly for months and now we gotta pay for it. Lovely. Just lovely.

Anyway, we talked about the possibilities of both staying and leaving. We definitely agree that if there was a way we could’ve fucked up when leaving Phoenix, we definitely did. We should never have gotten the well or a big fancy house. The nearly $1000 payments are a real killer. Like I said before, I don’t like the idea of trading this place in for a single-paned, thin-walled, tiny piece of shit, but I’m sick of struggling and I’d like more land and fewer people. Moving here and the way we went about it was definitely a dumb mistake, but we were fated to fail. Again, what would be the point of cursing us with psychotic neighbors if we were only going to know how to escape it 4 years sooner than we did? There was no way God was going to let us stumble onto the fact that we could’ve gotten out as soon as the shit hit the fan, and done so without suffering as much as we did. We didn’t have to spend 4 months in trailers and motels and we didn’t have to lose so much money. But like I said, why curse someone, then show them the way?

Another mistake was these mice because they’re dying off one by one. As Tom pointed out, feeder mice that have been inbred so much tend to be more diseased. If they all die off (there are 4 left) I’m not going to replace them with anything new till we know for sure what’s going on. I’d say we’re going to end up staying for a few more years because I’m getting to like the idea of leaving more and more. Like I said, it’s only the house itself I’ll miss. I’m just glad that for however long we end up here we’re not stuck in a desperate situation like we were before with seemingly no way out.

I’m also not going to miss the waves of foul smells we get in here. Tom can’t smell them as much, but when you’ve been cursed with a nose just as keen as any bloodhound’s, you smell all kinds of shit. Most of the smells are from the septic, but I’d only have to put up with this in the next place too, because there’d be a septic there as well.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2003 There’s a tractor in front again, so maybe they are going to level the second house after all.

It’s not even 8 PM yet it’s cold. It’s in the 40s which means it’ll probably be in the 20s come 5:00! It hadn’t been that cold this year till it got windy early this morning, causing a cold front to surge through.

Well, I guess I’ll go trim my bangs now which need to be trimmed for the third time this month.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 2003 Today was Tom’s last day at the proving grounds. He’s going to sign up once again for unemployment, though he hopes to be paid by his next job, whatever that may be before he has a chance to receive unemployment. He’s going to take anything he can get, he said, and I was like, but you just had anything you could get, so why go from one shit job to another? Because he needs to be on nights, he told me, so he can have the days open for interviews. He has a point there. I always did tell him that first shift sucks for a reason. When you work during business hours, that leaves hardly any time for appointments, shopping, etc.

We were talking about the pros and cons of moving. We both agree we don’t want to be forced to sell, but we don’t want to stay either. I hate it when fate or others go and make our decisions for us, yet if moving means moving on to something better, then why not? On the other hand, if the price of moving again is going to be another half a year in jail, then I’d rather stay put. It’s one of those things we won’t know until and if it happens or until I get any vibes, but one thing that’s comforting to know is that we know more now than we did the last time around. A lot more.

I have no vibes either way at this time, but I keep seeing a brown building with an elevator in it, whatever that means. There is one thing I do know and that’s that no, we won’t always be in Arizona for the rest of our lives. Where we’ll end up, beats me.

Since a journal is a place for honesty, then I’ll say that I’m wishing once again that his mom would go belly up. We could really use our inheritance right about now, and of course it’d really put a stop to whatever she may be sending Doe and Art, though they’d just get Mary to pick up where Marge left off to play spy and report with. Well, while I may not be able to put a clamp on Marge and Miss Prefect’s big mouths, I can at least make sure they never get another picture of me, just in case they are exchanging a bit more than Merry Christmases and Happy Chanukahs, and every ounce of my gut instinct says they are too, just like it said that they were paying Kim to keep tabs on me. I doubt they’re paying Marge, though.

What I don’t understand is why my life is so important to Doe and Art. Okay, so I’m their daughter, but at the same time, I’m not their daughter and I haven’t been their daughter for years now and I never will be again, so what’s the point? Just what do they get out of it?

Since there’s never going to be a “judgment day,” which I’ll explain in a minute, I can now write all the therapeutic stories of revenge on the blacks and Mexies I so desire. I always knew deep down there’d never be a judgment day anyway and that Tom was probably just saying there would be to make me feel better, even if he might’ve truly meant it at the time, and I also knew that God would forever protect my perps.

Anyway, judgment day was going to be just what it says; we were going to hunt down as many of my perps down as we could and punish them for trashing my life be it by laser guns or whatever. We wouldn’t have done the same thing for all of them so that a common denominator wouldn’t have stood out like a sore thumb. We would’ve also made sure to leave no evidence and make their tragedies look like accidents. A laser gun burns itself up and would’ve appeared like their house caught fire for no apparent reason. In the end and in reality, revenge, punishment, torture, pain, suffering and ultimately death, will never be mine for these people except for in my fantasies. So much so that a state like Arizona would surely arrest me if they could read and display an eighth of the deadly fantasies I have in regard to these subhuman parasites that God so dearly blesses!

I’m still enjoying my incense. I don’t care about it staining furniture, walls or ceilings, but I worry about it staining the dolls and their clothes in time. I hope it won’t, though. I did online research about it and couldn’t find anything that says it will, but if I see any discolorations appearing around here, I’ll stop using the stuff.

As my writing continues to improve with time, I may one day rewrite the story of my life. I can’t make it any less sad, but I can make it better written.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2003 Just thought I’d jot down some thoughts before I go work some more on my story. Well, I’m filled with a bit of anxiety, stress and trepidation right now, though it’s nothing compared to what the freeloaders put me through. Not even a microscopic fraction. But it’s there, nonetheless. I always knew that once God finally cleansed my life of the freeloaders, He’d replace the problem with a new one. The question is how bad will it get and how long will it last?

I know Tom will ultimately end up making good money again and that we could always find some other place to live. That’s not my main concern. What worries me is us struggling indefinitely and or being forced back to the city that never wanted to let me go. This is the worst state for city living. The houses are too close and the apartment walls are paper thin. It’s way too noisy and chaotic for me. I couldn’t stand to deal with it all over again – the slamming doors, the loud stereos thumping, the screaming kids, the endless ball-bouncing games, the barking dogs, etc.

As of yesterday, I got used to the treadmill again. I could walk on it indefinitely, but not only is more not better, but I also don’t want to walk too much because it’ll just make me hungry and I’ll just end up replacing the calories I burned. If I’m going to stay 30 pounds overweight and not become 40, 50 or even more pounds overweight, I need to do something, but it doesn’t have to be a case of overkill either. I’m only walking 20-30 minutes a day, along with my arm and ab exercises. I’m 127 and I’m determined to stay there. I’ll never be the 100, 105, 110 or even the 115 I’d settle for, but I’m going to fight one last time to keep from comfortably settling into the 130s, then the 140s and so on and so forth. It’s my body, damn it, and I should be the one driving it!

Later…

Wow, I just felt and heard a huge sonic boom. They don’t usually do that at this hour either. I’m glad I was awake when that one hit. See, I worry about that as far as moving further out goes. If they can still fly over a rapidly growing community, even if it’s not that often anymore, then they certainly can fly over Nowhere Land.

I found one of the 7 mice I now have dead and one sick, so that’s not good. Hopefully, the rest will pull through.

Still no mail from Mary, though I decided to send both her and Paula letters. I even enclosed one of the incense sticks I didn’t like in Paula’s letter. Hopefully, it’ll get to her intact. I’ll call to find out at some point.

I was teasing her on the phone the other day and insisting that she’s suffering from “Ricanitis” because of how she likes PRs.

Incense Galore had always been good about answering my questions, but when I asked if the stuff leaves stains or soot over time, I got no response. This makes me think the answer could be yes. The stuff still hasn’t bothered my lungs or nose, but it sometimes irritates my eyes. Last night they felt like I’d been crying.

Michael Jackson’s being charged with child molestation again. This doesn’t surprise me. He’s quite a dedicated little pedophile. However, he has the 4 most important things in his favor and that’s his color, his gender, his fame and his fortune. He’ll get off even though he claims that he had been helping this family for a while and the more generous he was, the more they took advantage of him, so he cut them off and now they’re spiting him.

Tom agrees with me that guilty or not he’ll get off, but he also reminded me of the fact that we’re going through a time where they’re really cracking the whip on crimes against children, which led to a discussion about the cycles and trends society seems to go through. While people’s priorities may fluctuate over time, one thing sadly remains the same and that’s that everybody wants everybody else to be just like them. In other words, they may not be so quick to drug up minors like they were in the past, thinking that some magic pill would solve all their problems, but they’re on a big kick right now to dope up adults with ADD. As Tom pointed out, people are supposed to be different and they just can’t seem to get that through their thick skulls. You simply can’t make people take pills to get them to be carbon copies of one another. I can see drugging or punishing those who hurt other people, but it’s like me and blacks for example. I hate them in general and I’m sure I always will. However, I don’t go around insisting that something be done to make them just like me. I simply do my best to avoid them as much as I can instead.

Having the kind of parents I had, I can truly say that I was definitely a kid in the wrong era. It was perfectly legal to beat your kids on up till around the 90s. My mother could’ve slapped me silly in front of a cop and nothing would’ve happened. Especially in a town like Longmeadow. How I wish someone had cared enough about me to help me! So many people knew what was going on, too. It was no secret. Then again, what difference would it have made? I’d just have ended up in foster homes, funny farms and schools that were even worse sooner than I eventually did.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2003 Tom was able to get a cheap ash-catcher at Walmart when he did the grocery shopping today, so that’s one less thing to order if I ever order more incense online and if I ever get the $88 I now have.

I guess our new neighbors are spending the night at their old place. There are no lights on over there tonight.

Friday’s going to be his last day at the proving grounds. Once again they tried to pull their bullshit “Oh, but we have a good position opening up real soon” line on him, but he told them that if it didn’t open up by Monday, he was outa there. He’s only taking home $275 a week. Meanwhile, our house payment is something like $900. That leaves shit for food, electricity, plus extras like phone time and internet access.

I still think this struggling is going to go on for many more months. I mean, I just can’t imagine him finding a really good job just like that. It takes years to work your way up to really good pay. Jobs that pay really well from the get-go are few and far between. God wouldn’t be that nice to us anyway, and lead him to a good job right off the bat. Like I said before, though, what’s the point of a good job anyway if things are going to come up to set us back? Any extra money we do have only ends up going to repairs half the time.

I’m just so pissed at God for letting this happen! As if we haven’t been screwed over enough? As if we haven’t struggled enough? Setbacks are almost always a bitch to overcome. It may take no time at all to get set back, but it doesn’t take just a few weeks or a few months to climb back up. It usually takes a lot longer than that. I don’t think things will improve (if we don’t lose the house) till between April and June. I just hope to hell that this is one of those rare cases where I’m wrong. What’s discouraging is that so far the only thing I was wrong about concerning money is when the stocks would sell. I didn’t think they’d sell before ’03, but they did. That’s the only financial screw-up I’ve vibed so far so that track record alone is not encouraging.

So, he got in pretty late today what with having to go all the way out to Casa Grande for groceries, so he ate, spent quality time with me and the lovable family vermin, then off to bed he went.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 18, 2003 Of the first incense order, my favorites have turned out to be honey, fruit, obsession, baby powder, joy, escape, watermelon, grape, butter rum, bump & grind, hot love, and sexy. Who knows how long it’ll be before I make another order? There are something like 180 more scents I’d like to try, so I’ll probably sample 90 of them next time, then the other 90.

In a couple of weeks or so we’re going to hope to get Little Fella a friend since rats don’t like living alone. I also hope to sell books, CDs and a couple of old Gloria videos in exchange for books at a place in Mesa.

I’m surprised there hasn’t been any mail from Mary so far this week, but I did get a lot more samples. A few tooth-whitening toothpaste samples and lots of skincare ones. One of the skincare companies sent what almost amounted to a small order. I got 4 little jars and 2 little bottles of stuff. I also got lots of toothpaste coupons as well as all-natural sweetener samples that contain fiber.

Later…

So much for hoping it’d be a while yet before people started moving in in front. Someone’s moving into the house closest to us. I can see lights on over there. That really sucks. That’s all the more noise we’ll have to put up with and dogs that will traipse through here. I just hope it’s nothing more than screaming kids and barking dogs because most of that can only be heard outdoors, but if they turn out to blast either car stereos or indoor stereos with doors and windows open, then we’ll hear the thumping in here with no problem. Same goes for loud motors. I hate it when people sit with loud engines idling or when they gun the damn thing. If they don’t have a dog yet, then I guarantee you they will within a week or two. No one lives out here without dogs and guns except us. I’m just glad they’re not just a few feet away!

I still really like this Delaware mannequin site and the way they add new ones quite often, but I don’t like how they never answered my email when I inquired about availability a few months from now on a particular model named Robin. I know there could be a million logical explanations as to why they haven’t responded, but until I know of any, I always think it’s an incompetence thing.

Later…

I heard car doors and an engine idling and looked out front. The lights are now off over there and there’s a van of some kind leaving the property. Perhaps they’re not all moved in just yet which would explain why I haven’t heard new barking yet. I know they’re more than just a few feet away, but I really hate having a house this close to us. When I envisioned us moving here, hearing car doors and barking as well as being able to see over a dozen houses from ours, was not part of the plan. Well, hopefully, hopefully, they won’t come and go so many times a day and they won’t always be home. The more people are home, the more it seems to stir up the dogs, no doubt because they want to come in and be part of the family. It’s so mean the way so many people don’t pay their dogs any attention. I think it’s wrong to either never allow a dog indoors or never allow them outdoors except to piss and shit.

Anyway, as soon as the dog(s) get over there, I’ll probably have to use the sound machine in my office to drown it out so I can concentrate, and just use the fan for sleeping.

They still haven’t put the other house level with the ground and I doubt they ever will. Of course they just had to level the one with the trees blocking it. Meanwhile, why not keep the one in perfect view in even more perfect view by keeping it elevated?

I asked Tom and he said all we could get for this place right now would be $140,000. With property-splitting becoming such a popular trend, that’d make this place all the more valuable in time as sooner or later there won’t be many 10-acre parcels left. I just hope God lets us decide when to move and doesn’t make up our minds for us, but I know better than to count on him for free will or any other kind of freedom of choice. I almost have to laugh when I hear those who say they “gave their lives to the lord.” Meanwhile, I’m always trying to get mine away from him! I’d really, really prefer it if we could make our own decisions most of the time and not have him, fate or others make them for us!

I was watching a talk show earlier about poor women having kids. I know love is more important than money, but it still bugs me to see women have kids who can’t afford them. All they end up doing is putting the responsibility on others or mooching off the state when they do that. If they have an accident, though birth control used properly should very rarely fail, it’s okay if they’re against abortion, but at least give the poor kid up for adoption or to a friend or relative and don’t have any more till you’re financially set. People just don’t think before they act a lot of the time. I guess we’re only human, though. I’ve done some pretty dumb things myself in life.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2003 I decided to call Paula and use some of these minutes up before they expire. She says they put a long-distance block on her phone and so she can’t call me. She asked about the incense, but again, I’m sick of doing for others who won’t do for me so the incense I don’t like is either going to sit here on a shelf or get thrown out. I’m not going to let her keep taking advantage of my generosity. Besides, we’re too broke right now for me to go sending packages. She says she’ll send a letter and $5 to send it, but I know better. Especially the $5 part.

My quads are sore today, that’s how strenuous this treadmill is. I should give my legs a rest today and work on my arms and abs. I’m down to 127 and I had been bouncing between 129-130 for days. I’m really surprised I’m not well into the 130s yet, but I probably will be sooner or later. People don’t just tend to gain weight upon entering their 30s and that’s it. They also tend to gain in 1- to 10-pound increments throughout their lives every 5-10 years.

A bang of some sort woke me up at 9:30, then again at 12:30, but I was ready to get up then anyway. Still, I’m sick of the periodic wake-up calls, and I’m sick of the renter’s fucking dogs having free rein in this place as well!

I guess it’s two to three. The two things I’d miss if we moved would be this house and having a decent convenience store 13 miles away versus the 20-30 it’d be if we moved. However, I still do like the idea of more land, being further away from civilization, and the extra money.

I’m back to thinking I’d prefer outer fences versus inner ones if we stay. We can still do inner ones, but with outer ones, we could be anywhere on the land we wanted to be and not have to worry about dogs. I know, for example, we’re seldom out by the well, but when we are, I’d want to know no dogs could run up to us.

These surveys have proven to be as much of a waste of time as I figured they’d be. On the rare occasion that I do get an offer for a survey in exchange for points or money, all I get is “Sorry, you don’t qualify for this survey.”

What’s going on with us right now is a prime example of why I totally disagree with those who believe we’re in control of our own destinies. Like Tom chose to spend all those years building himself up to where he was just to have someone come and tear it all down for him? Yeah, right! If that’s what people believe, then they might as well also believe I chose to get fat and to have asthma.

So much of my life has been out of my control, that in a sense, I’m surprised God didn’t make a kid part of my plans because then I’d really have no life I could call my own. I really truly believe that life ends with children and so many mothers have told me so. Not that some of them necessarily mind the trade-off, but once you have kids, your life belongs to them and not you at least till they’re on their own.

How strange it would be to have first thought we would lose the house to the welfare bums, then end up losing it to lack of money. I’m just sick of this up-and-down rollercoaster shit. It’s not fair! Each time we get kicked down I’m more afraid to pull back up because we always, always lose whatever we achieve. I’m sick of this ‘sometimes we have money, sometimes we don’t shit. No matter what we do, we just can’t seem to ever get ahead, and when we do, it’s always temporary.

Later…

I didn’t have the power to work my magic on the last 4 tickets, but it seems I’ve warded off cold number two of Tom’s. The morning should tell us for sure.

I told him about the bangs that woke me up, explaining that each time it was one quick bang. This is why I doubt it was a sonic boom. It didn’t have the rumble a sonic boom has and there was no vibration to go with it. Then he told me he heard bangs this weekend when I was sleeping with the fan on and he went out and checked to find it was coming from one of the farms several miles away.

I’ve got to start either sleeping with the fan on at least medium or a lower-pitched sound on the sound machine. It’s usually the low-pitched sounds that wake me up, so I have to match the pitch with the low rumble of the box fan or certain other sounds.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2003 I did some more research concerning weight loss and exercise, but I really didn’t learn anything new. They talked about how one could be fat and fit at the same time as well as skinny and out of shape. Also, one would probably end up disappointed if they thought exercise alone would cause them to lose weight like I did when we first got the Bowflex, and how cutting calories is most important, but that adding exercise should help with the process. Jogging and very brisk walking for an hour should burn roughly 500 calories. Well, I still don’t think I could lose a pound a week like most people probably could by walking an hour a day and watching my calorie intake, but I am going to walk every day for as long as I can stand. I prefer to break it up into multiple spurts rather than do it all at once, though, as working out for long periods of time tends to make a person quite hungry.

Speaking of hunger, ironically, ever since I first took those appetite suppressants I haven’t been hungry all the time like I used to be. In fact, it’s been a week now since I’ve even taken any.

Anyway, I dragged the treadmill out into the living room so I could walk under the ceiling fan. I hate the damn thing and it really, really kicks your heartbeat up like crazy, but little by little I’ll build up the stamina for it like I’ve done before. I’d still prefer a motorized flat treadmill so I could walk steadily, rather than this thing that makes you feel like you’re climbing up a steep hill with a 40-pound sack on your back, but it’s better than nothing. I can’t jog in place as long as I can walk because my feet end up killing me after a while.

Although I don’t have any bad vibes in particular, I still fear we may end up being forced to sell this place. Not just because something doesn’t want us here, but because something likes me to be stuck in places I don’t want to be in, and cities are one of those places. That could happen in between moving to the next place like it did when we moved from Phoenix, although as Tom pointed out, we know more now than we did then.

On the other hand, I really do like the idea of moving to a bigger piece of land further away from people. The only thing I’d miss would be this house, but I know that in time we could build one just as nice if not nicer.

Tom’s going to be looking for jobs as aggressively as he can, then we’ll weigh the pros and cons of all our options and make a decision then. I mean, if he could get a good job soon enough, then maybe we’ll finally, finally, get the damn fences as well as more olies and stay here for another 5 or more years. I asked Tom what his guess was as to whether or not he thinks we’ll move or stay here and fence up, but he hasn’t got a guess. I think we’ll be here a while yet, but I can’t imagine us getting fences anytime soon. We haven’t yet and he was making great money, so I don’t see why we would ever fence this place, particularly the outer perimeters.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2003 Walter and his son finally came to get their damn rig. Good. Now I don’t have to sleep with the fan on high, which I don’t like to do in the winter as opposed to the sound machine with hopes of it drowning them out but they came after I got up. He left the rig here for a week the last time too because they finished at night and the old junker has no lights.

Typical people, though, not putting their actions where their mouths are. They said they’d haul the metal pipes that were replaced up to the house but didn’t. So like always, we were left to clean up after others. Fortunately, there weren’t too many of them. Tom’s thinking of using them as supports for a carport.

At least I managed to rig one of the two Slingo tickets we got today for $20. I don’t think I’m going to be able to win big for a while, if ever, because we were meant to struggle. What would be the point of God allowing us to win big if he wants to curse us financially like he obviously does? As it is, we’re going to have to use the pennies I’ve been saving up as well as the state quarters we’ve been collecting. It is so, so unfair. Especially at our age and with how hard Tom works.

Imagine how good I could do at psyching winning tickets for others, though, since I’m so good at making money for others. Yes, God definitely sees me as a profit to others. I wouldn’t mind helping a friend like Mary out, though. I mean, why not? If the least I can do is help others, then fine. It’s not like it’d be done at my own expense if she bought scratch tickets and had me try to do my thing. We can try it when she gets out if she wants me to. A lot of people get spooked by the thought of psychics, so I don’t know if she’d want me to try to do it. We’ll see. Unless she’s not meant to have money herself, I really think I could do it.

In other news, my testimonial is now on Incense Galore’s testimonial page. I emailed them and told them I had gotten to like most of the incense and was glad I gave it another chance. Bob, the owner, wrote back saying he was glad to hear it, it meant a lot to him, and could he get me to say something about it for other people with my medical condition? So I provided positive feedback. This ought to get him more business. As I said, I’m a real profit to others, but at least I’m worth something to someone!

I now have $68 that I don’t have.

Tom sealed up the bathroom wall. Once we put joint compound on it, plus the little mini mural, no one will ever know it was cut open.

As for the diet, I never did do it. I figured it’d be pointless to set myself up for failure. I mean, why do something I know I can’t do? Besides, the longer you’re fat, the more you tend to get used to it.

Anyway, I guess I was a real fool to think for even a second that maybe, just maybe, the cock that fired Tom was doing him a favor since he was too nice to put his foot down about all the free work he was doing. Yet he was making more money working for free half the time, as funny as I know that sounds! I always said that something never wanted us here, so this will be a good test to see just how right I am about that one, because if his pay doesn’t increase significantly by February, then we’ll lose the house. He doesn’t think we will, but Tom’s always been an extreme optimist. He always thinks everything will work out. I don’t exactly have any vibes about losing the house myself right now, but it wouldn’t surprise me if we did.

He’s thinking of hooking up with one of the temp agencies to see what they can come up with. That’s how he started at the bank, but the bank cut his pay once he was assigned a permanent position. Either way, he’s probably going to have to quit where he is now to be available for interviews.

When I told Tom just how much I’d miss this house he said we didn’t have to move and that there are other options, but I can’t see any right now. I won’t live here more than a couple more years without fences and plants for privacy and we can’t afford either of those, so I don’t know that staying here will be an option. Besides, as much as I’ll miss this house, I still think we’re a little too close to people. I hear the fucking renter’s dogs barking all night long, and of course those themselves are always hanging out there and it steals my sense of seclusion and peace. I mean, don’t get me wrong; it’s nothing, absolutely nothing compared to the hell we went through in Phoenix, but I still like the idea of our closest neighbors being 20-30 miles away. Then God can stick the always-at-home Mormon family with 20 kids and 10 dogs closest to us and we’ll never know it! As Tom pointed out, most people don’t realize you can make your own electricity and they tend to want to go where there are power lines. I asked him if he thought they’d conveniently figure it out once we moved and come out to join us, but he said it’d be a good 50 years or so before they caught on, and described other things as examples. Things that were possible long before general society realized it, so this is a case where people’s stupidity can be to our advantage. Usually, it’s the other way around because we’re the ones stuck having to pay for stupid people’s mistakes and do the work that they were too stupid to do themselves. I know I may sound conceited, but most people just aren’t like us.

Anyway, Tom says most of the people who buy land in these super remote areas do it as an investment, thinking it’ll make big money down the road.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2003 I could easily walk outside for 20 minutes every day if my schedule and the weather would only permit it. It may not ultimately prevent me from gaining any more weight, but it sure does make me feel good. If I don’t exercise at all I feel like a lazy wimp, so I need to do this to at least stay in shape. I don’t have much privacy what with having to walk to the tune of half a dozen adults yacking and half a dozen kids screaming, but at this distance, it’s no biggie. However, I’d still like to see the day come when our closest neighbors don’t have so many damn people and dogs within their household and are out during the weekdays, but this hasn’t been the case since ’92 and I don’t think it ever will be again.

Since Mary likes word finds and I know how boring jail can be, I took one of my Word Find books and made puzzles for her using the words from it.

I have now sampled all of the incense. Of the 80 scents I got, 15 were bad, 11 were great, and the rest were okay. If I order any more, I’ll get the favorites in bulk quantities. I’m really surprised at the ones that I ended up liking best like the fruity one, for example. It was strong, but not overwhelming and smelled oh so good! Same with the honey.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2003 Today is such a beautiful day, as in shorts and no sleeves. After I fed and petted the cat, I walked for about 15 minutes around the house and the combination of the warm sun and a cool breeze was perfect.

Yesterday, all the pet supplies we ordered arrived. We decided not to send anything back, though my book shopping is going to have to wait. As it is, I have $61 that I don’t have, so to speak. I still hold out the hope that our financial problems will be solved soon enough, but our problems are never short-term. Whenever we’re set back like this it’s usually for months if not years. I know it won’t be years, though, because if we just can’t get ahead and it starts looking like we’re going to lose the house, we’ll just sell it and go on with our plans of more land with a shit trailer and skip the house payments.

Anyway, the cages are really cool, but I don’t know if cleaning them will be that simple. There are a lot of pieces that will need to be taken apart. The one with the glowing wheel isn’t all that impressive, though it’s still a cute cage. It’s just that it doesn’t glow very much, and the cage is very small. The cages are perfect for mice, though.

I also got a slew of beauty samples in the mail and a letter from Bob. He said my jailhouse journals make for good reading, but it’s going slow for him because his eyes are bad.

As is the case with most controlled environments, there are always new rules and changes occurring where he is. The latest one is that they can no longer receive envelopes or stamps, so the 3 envelopes I sent him will go to waste.

I decided not to bother getting the trimmer because I so rarely cut my hair and when I do, I like to cut a few inches. It also needs evening out periodically and the trimmer couldn’t do that.

Later…

Shiny finally got brave enough to enter the house, but he didn’t go very far. I’m sure he’ll go farther and farther each time, and that’s fine with me since he’s declawed and seems to be a gentle, harmless cat, but he’s often filthy with the dirt and weeds he rolls around in. He seems to be getting bigger now that we’re feeding him. His lack of claws would explain why he was so skinny; because he couldn’t kill anything. Anyway, he was in and out a couple of times. Whenever he’d lose his nerve and turn towards the door, I’d let him out so he’d know he’d never be trapped in here. Then, at one point, he saw something outside that I didn’t see and went charging after it. Whatever it was (probably a rabbit) was down towards the utility end of the house and we were in front at the time.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2003 It’s hard to believe it’s the middle of the afternoon. It’s so cloudy and rainy out there that it looks like early morning.

I did it again. Tom got a crossword ticket for him and a Slingo for me and they both won a total of $17! I won lotto points too, and am now up to 1803!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2003 The well work ended up costing $520. I am so, so mad at God. Utterly furious! How could he let this happen to us? Now’s not the time to be picking on us. Not with his shit job. I can’t stand this regular destruction of our property! I’m so fed up with the fucking setbacks! If he can’t let us get ahead in life, can’t he at least quit kicking us back down? And to let us be kicked down like that at this time is really mean, hateful and compassionless.

Tom said that despite how bad it is being cursed, and he’s always believed there was a curse on him just like I’ve always believed there was one on me, there is some consolation in it. The consolation is knowing he’s not going to be killed in a car wreck or get cancer and die, because what would be the point of killing someone you can’t curse? Something definitely wanted us to live to suffer, though we may not suffer nearly as much as we used to, especially me. I mean sure, paying $520 when we’re broke may be bad enough, but living with Dureen and Art O. was a much greater curse. So was living in the Brattleboro Retreat, Valleyhead, the NHA and Estrella Jail, to say nothing of the nearly 4 years we had to spend living next to the human parasites in Phoenix.

I can relate to what he’s saying, in a sense. There have been times when Tom would be a little late getting home and I’d start getting nervous, reminding myself of how much God hates me and that he’s both capable and cruel enough to take one’s loved ones from them in a heartbeat. Then I think to myself, yes, he hates me. With a passion, too! However, he doesn’t quite hate me that much. Then I see Tom’s car pull in and I breathe a deep sigh of relief.

While we both believe in curses as much as we believe in blessings and the supernatural, we disagree on the cause. Tom thinks he’s cursed just because, but I believe there’s a reason for everything. I don’t know what to think as to why we could be so cursed. Some say we’re being punished for the sins of our forefathers which would be so unfair, though nothing in life is fair anyway. Others say there is such a thing as reincarnation and would suggest that we weren’t very nice people in our past lives and so we’re paying for it in this one.

I don’t know about these theories. I mean, anything’s possible. One thing I do know is that God has a deep hatred toward Jews. That’s been way obvious to me. Why else would he have allowed 6 million of us to be tortured and murdered? No, he definitely likes to pick on the Jews, but why I don’t know. I’m not even Jewish, as far as I’m concerned. Just because my parents were Jewish, doesn’t mean I have to be. I’ve always been as religious as a doorknob and I plan on staying that way, too!

I hate to do it, but I probably am going to put my allowance money towards a little repair fund. We can’t even go 3-6 months without some major breakage, and I want us to be prepared so we won’t have to be so tight when these multi-hundred-dollar repairs are needed.

Walter and his son worked on the well from 9:30 to 7:30. After they left we went to Circle K for some treats because we felt we deserved it. I even got myself a $3 beanbag Gila Monster with bright metallic colors.

On the way there Tom said that he overheard how much Walter pays his son. He gets $2 a link. We have 38 pipes, so that’s $76. I’d say the kid made out really good at our expense. I wasn’t kidding when I said we do a damn good job of making money for others. We’re definitely, definitely a financial asset to anyone but ourselves. If God could’ve spoken to others in regard to me the day I was born, he’d have said, “Use her, abuse her, and make as much money as you can off of her.”

The problem did turn out to be a hole caused by corrosion. It occurred in the very last pipe right above the pump. This pipe was replaced with one of the old plastic ones which aren’t supposed to corrode like metal ones do. So just like the last time, instead of the water being pumped straight up through the pipes, it’d be pumped up out the hole and back down into the ground again. The further down the pipes are, the more susceptible to corrosion they get as there’s more water the further down you go.

These are one of the many catastrophes in life where I’m glad we don’t have kids to make things twice as hard and twice as expensive. I’m also glad, as funny as it may sound, that God isn’t in the habit of answering my prayers. If he had taken Marge when I wanted him to, then who would we run to for money? If this woman doesn’t have empathy enough by now to give us a Christmas bonus this year, she never will.

Tom suggested I try putting a general spell on us and see if it’ll help ward off whatever evil haunts and harasses us, but I doubt I can do that. God’s not going to allow me the powers to do things he doesn’t want done, and again, what would be the point of cursing someone if they’re either dead or able to ward it off?

Sometimes I wonder why we bother to forge ahead when something up there is only going to come and tear down what we’ve achieved. I want so bad to have 5 minutes alone with the cock that fired Tom, but I know that if I ever even so much as thought of fighting back against those who have wronged us, God would punish me all the more, so I’m forced to simply grin and bear it.

Both Tom and I agree that I’m getting better and better at rigging scratch tickets with my mind, but to remove the curse in general? I just can’t imagine being able to do that. Rigging tickets is hard enough as it is because there’s so much I have to mentally alter. I have to rig the call letters/numbers, then the game board part itself, then the barcode where winning tickets are scanned for verification.

I’ve gotten to like some of this incense, though I’m still not sure I’ll ever reorder. Especially not if I’m going to turn my fun money into a repair savings account. As much as I wanted the mannequin, the dolls, the DVD, the trimmer, I know I can do without them. Shopping is fun, but material things aren’t the most important things in life, surviving is. Mary’s stamps are all gone now, so I’ll probably make a point of mailing out just one envelope a week.

I just hope we’re out of here before the next scheduled attack on the well. They’re going after it again in late ’06 or early ’07 and I totally trust my vibes on that one after being right on everything else, including this latest attack which I predicted nearly to the day. On the other hand, this shit will happen to us no matter where we go, and if we go to a place even more remote than this, then that’s all the more reason we’ll have to have a well. We can’t haul water if there’s no one around to get the water from in the first place.

I have to wonder if another possibility I’m cursed like this could be because of the spells I’ve put on those who’ve crossed me or those I care about. But I wasn’t always able to curse others so maybe the reasons for my being cursed fluctuated. Even so, there’s a good possibility that I’ve harmed many people on account of my spells. What goes around really does come around. An example of that is that for years I’d bitch about how my parents were never going to pay for their abuse towards me, but when you think about it, really think about it, you see that they are paying. They lost their daughter forever. For the rest of their lives, they can only wonder about me and hear gossip which they’ll just have to sort through and decide for themselves whether or not what they hear is true. Never again can they know what’s true for real, see me, hear me, etc. I’m forever a memory of theirs. A face in a photograph, a voice on tape, an image on video. That’s all I am. I’m like an intangible entity for them that can never really truly come to life.

Anyway, I really wish I knew what was causing this curse. I kind of think that knowing might be the key to actually doing something about it for a change. Right now all we can do is bitch about it. Still, this is why I constantly analyze the past. We can learn a lot from the past, even if it means we still can’t necessarily change the future. Looking at past curses, like the things that broke and the things I didn’t achieve that I once wanted, helps me to see and recognize any patterns that may be of whatever significance in the end.

A lot of people choose to forget the most depressing, frustrating times in their lives, and that’s all well and good. I’m all for moving on and living for the future. However, I don’t think we should completely forget the bad times because it makes us appreciate the good times all the more. This is why every Wednesday that Maricopa’s supposed to report (I’m sure that will change at some point), I’m thankful I’m not one of the ones who has to report. Every other weekday during the hours of 10 AM-3 PM, I delight in the fact that Scot won’t be stopping by.

The more I think about moving, the more I like the idea, despite the pros and cons I see in it. I don’t like the idea of living in an old dump again, I worry about sonic booms and punishments for moving, but I really like the idea of having no house payments while we build our own castle that we’ll hopefully live happily ever after in till we’re too old to live so far out. I swear, though, if we ever live in the city again it’ll be in a retirement community. I also like the idea of having more land and more spending money. How fun it’d be to have at least $100 a month to play with on top of an unlimited grocery budget!

Later…

It’d be a bizarre sort of karma if Little Buddy’s picture won money. The welfare bums cost us thousands of dollars, yet if it wasn’t for them, there’d be no bottles and this picture wouldn’t exist. I know it’ll never happen, though. Not in a million years. I may win a medal, but that’d be only because I couldn’t do anything with it.

I told Tom I think we should return the cages as soon as we get them and save the money. I can make do just fine with what we’ve got. I still have one Play City cage, 3 tanks, the maze, tubes galore, plus other accessories.

The renters, who were amazingly out of sight and sound all day yesterday, were out burning this evening. They’ve been burning almost every day, though if we had that many people in my household, we’d have to burn that often, too.

I still like to walk outside when it’s too hot for the renters to be out, but I’ve tightened my walking trail. Instead of venturing far out on the sides, I walk around the house, staying pretty close to it. That takes about a minute, that’s how long the house is. So I’d have to circle it 20 times to get 20 minutes of walking put in. Tom recommends walking every other day. That’s what I figured I’d do when my schedule calls for it (I’ll jog indoors when I’m on nights). The question is, do I walk 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 45 minutes or an hour? I guess I’ll just base it on how I feel.

While I was out there, I kept the front and side doors unlocked in case any strays got a little too friendly. It wouldn’t have made sense to open the back door as there are no stairs by it right now. Tom took those stairs and replaced the old, rickety side stairs with them before one of us could fall through and break a leg like I’ve been fearing.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2003 I haven’t written for a few days because I’ve been too pissed off to do so. Let’s just start off by saying that I knew the quick fix on the well was too good to be true. Whatever the problem is this time, I better not find out that this is their fault (the same people that we called out the last time) or else they’re not getting a dime. I told Tom this, too. No more paying for other people’s mistakes. I’ve had enough of that shit. If this is their mistake, then it’s their responsibility to pay for it as well as to correct it.

I’m surprised no nosybodies have come to butt into things as of yet.

I’m just so sick of the setbacks and the breakage!!!!! Why can’t we ever go more than a few months without having to lose time and shell out money to stop and play fix it? I’m seriously considering saving my money and not buying things with it anymore. Too much of our stuff breaks too often and we could really use the money for all these fucking repairs.

Anyway, the well crapped out on us early yesterday morning. The well guy came out late in the afternoon to check it out, thinking the pump had malfunctioned, but Tom was sure it was a short that caused a hole in the pipe. It took two hours to pull up the 760-foot-deep pump. They’re at lunch right now.

The renters just may not be so musicless after all. I can’t swear to it that the music we heard yesterday was theirs and not the middle or furthest rental, but it probably was theirs. We couldn’t hear it inside, but it was annoying while we were out trying to talk to the well guy, Walter. Maybe that’s why they played it; because they saw us standing out there, and if people who like to get other people’s attention see people hanging out and about, then of course they’re gonna make a commotion of some kind. Dan may’ve truly repaired those trucks in which engines he used to gun, but what better way to let the world know you exist? I wasn’t the least bit surprised when he moved. I could tell that anyone who felt the need to get attention that bad where they had to blast their music and gun engines for hours at a time, was a very lonely, isolated person and they needed to be in the city with people.

Anyway, the renters may not be the neighbors from hell like what we had in Phoenix, but they really are annoying at times. Let’s see… they’ve trashed our land, their place is a hell of an eyesore, their dogs are set free to traipse all over our land even though they do have fences in front, and now they’re blasting music. And of course they’re out and about constantly. Another thing that bugs me is the traffic back there. They seem to come and go an awful lot and they don’t just simply do it. They creep in slowly in a vehicle with a loud motor, then they just sit there for a few minutes before turning the damn thing off. I guess the music and extra traffic are connected to whoever the hell they’ve got living in that trailer back there, but it’s really getting old. Their fucking dogs ran up barking to Tom and Walter yesterday when they were out by the well, and while these dogs may’ve been friendly, they’re big scary dogs, too! I’m sick of everyone’s dogs having a free run of our land. See, that’s the problem with so many people out here. They act like they’re the only ones around or like they own the neighborhood. It’s like their land is their land, your land is their land and so is everyone else’s. I just wish they’d settle down, spruce their place up a bit and keep their damn dogs to themselves!

And what about George? He’s got to know it’s illegal for someone to be living in a trailer back there like that. What would it take for him to complain or evict a tenant of his? For them not to pay their rent for a whole year?

Anyway, since we had to stop and play well for the 10th time, the bathroom wall did not get sealed up. He doesn’t like to do much of anything during the week but come home from work, eat dinner by the TV, then do a little computer work before bed, so the wall will have to wait till next weekend.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2003 I was going to return the incense. They even said I could. But then, remembering how bad mice smell as opposed to any other rodent in the world, I decided to keep it. Especially since we got 10 mice today! We’re just not so sure that the small rats we saw will stay small enough for the cages/tubes that should arrive next week, so we got the mice instead. I got 3 Fancy mice and the rest are common mice. They’re all males and all are white, except the Fancies have some grays and tans mixed in. The commons were a little over a buck and the Fancies were 4 bucks, but she let me have them all for the common’s price. If they were all plain white, I’d still be able to tell the Fancies from the commons, as the Fancies are noticeably bigger. I just wish they’d quit fighting!

For now, I have them all set up in one of the old big tanks and the only Play City cage I still have. As always, there’s a Fancy bully in the trio of Fancies. One of them gets picked on pretty badly, but it’s really nothing serious. They won’t kill each other. I hear quite a bit of squeaking, though.

I would still love to have a super jumbo rat, but we can’t seem to find them around here. They do have these giant pouched rats that get up to 17” long, excluding their tails, but they don’t seem to be legal in the US. They’re mainly in Africa.

The only bummer was that the bookstore we went to didn’t exist anymore, so sometime next week we’re going to go to a place in Mesa that says they pay cash for books, tapes, videos, DVDs and CDs. We’ll have about 30 CDs for them, 20 books and 2 Gloria videos.

I love these new Slingo scratch tickets which are a form of bingo. I won $30! I was wrong when I said the most I’d ever won was $25, not just because I won $30 today, but because I also remembered that I won $35 playing bingo in Florida in ’89 on my 24th birthday.

Shiny comes up to me every day now. I’m glad I saved his life like I did. Had I not opened the door when I did, those damn dogs that had him boxed in by the door would’ve killed him for sure.

I’m surprised and glad to have discovered that he’s both neutered and declawed. So he once belonged to someone after all.

I got a letter from Mary yesterday. Now when am I going to hear from Bob? Anyway, Mary said she loves the Red Hot Barbie and that even one of the officers commented on her picture which I had printed on the back of the envelope. She loves the word find puzzles too, so I made her up one with words she requested, plus a few of my own with subjects like animals, recreation, and food and beverages.

I noticed my computer was sounding funny and it smelled like burnt plastic in my office. Well, it turned out that my fan died, so Tom replaced it, along with a new power supply box.

Tomorrow, since there have been no more leaks, fortunately, he’s going to seal up the bathroom wall.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2003 Gosh, I really wish I could get some weight off! 10 pounds, just 10 pounds. I’d gladly settle for just that at this point. I had 3 pairs of long pants that fit, but one’s now too tight and the elastic around the other ancient pair stretched out and broke. So now I have just one pair of winter pants. I’m going to try again to make one last attempt to lose weight, but I just don’t know if I can do it. I haven’t been able to lose weight for 2 or 3 years now. I’m going to try to keep myself on a day schedule for as long as I can and walk outdoors for a half-hour to an hour every day while I limit my calories to about 1200 a day, excluding coffee and gum. The walking should burn anywhere from about 100-350 calories. I wish I could walk outside year-round at any time of day or night, but with no moon, I could never see where I was going and it’d be too dangerous to walk during the summer nights when it was cooler because that’s when the rattlers are most active.

When I’m done with the laundry and exercising, I’m going to run through the final proofreading of my story which is now done. It’s a short story, but I think it came out well even so. It’s quite suspenseful. There’s more murder and less sex in this one, I suppose you could say.

I don’t know if Mary will like it. She strikes me as the type to prefer romance over murder mysteries and suspenseful stories such as I tend to write.

My nose treats came yesterday, but so far they all seem to smell the same. The grape one does sort of smell like what it’s supposed to be, but for the most part, they seem to smell more like smoke, like incense, than anything else. Nonetheless, this glorified cigarette smoke is okay, I guess. It covers any foul odors and I’ll definitely use them all up. I just don’t think I’ll ever make a second order. The things smell better unlit than lit. I guess they are breakable too since they’re such flimsy sticks. That’s why they wrapped them in newspapers.

Now for the best and most shocking news of the day. Little Buddy’s picture, “Hiding Amongst the Bottles,” made the finals in the photo contest!!! This is the picture of him peering up from inside a box of bottles when I was doing community service. I photocopied the letter for Mary, though I don’t know if it’ll make it in to her. If not, I’ll just tell her about it, but anyway, it was cool to see the picture’s title with the copyright symbol and my name along with it. I guess within the next month the judges are going to make their final decisions. One person gets the $1,000 prize while 40 people get a silver medal and 73 get a bronze medal. Then someone gets the annual prize of $10,000.

So my Little Buddy, now dead almost a year, shines on from beyond the grave. How I still miss him so! I remember I cried hysterically when I was around 14 and I lost my first guinea pig, Penny, yet I quickly got over it. Never has a pet touched me so much that I can still shed tears for him a year after his death. Meanwhile, I couldn’t cry for Scuttles, Houdini or Ratsy no matter how hard I tried and I loved those rats dearly. Same goes for Piggy who we had for 4 of the 6 years we lived in the Phoenix house.

I’d be both surprised and not surprised to win a medal because it’s not money. However, I can’t imagine God allowing me to win any of the money prizes. The most I’ve ever won was $25, so $1,000 or more would be quite a jump from that. I’d think it’d count as me making money and that’s an obvious no-no.

Later…

Now I have the vanilla nut burning. Once again, I’d never have guessed that that’s what’s supposed to be burning. It just smells like fancy smoke to me. So far the only one that had a subtle smell of a distinct kind was the grape.

My tight pants are good for walking. That way I know they’re going to stay put. I take the mace with me just in case a big dog decides to get a little too friendly on me, but neither of us has had a problem yet with vicious dogs, so I doubt we ever will. If you go onto a dog’s territory, that’s one thing, but when they come onto yours, it’s another. I counted this time and determined that it took 4 minutes to make a rotation and not 3 which means 15 rounds would equal an hour of walking. Damn, it’d take close to 10 minutes to walk around the land’s perimeters!

Anyway, I’m making one last try to get down to 120 pounds which is just 7 pounds away. You think to yourself – 7 pounds? That’s nothing. But it most certainly is when you have no metabolism and are my age. I’m worlds away from 120, trust me. I may as well be asking to lose 70 pounds and not 7.

In a week or two Tom will be quitting his job. He’s going to have to in order to be available for job interviews for jobs that pay better. At least, like he said, this is the prime time of year for finding jobs, and I did have positive money vibes between November 23rd and December 27th, but I’m not a fortune psychic, so I don’t know if I trust my vibes. I didn’t sense making the finals, that’s for sure! I’m only sensitive to grim happenings, so it seems. That affects people’s health and seeing past events and places I’ve never been to.

Later…

So far the only incense sticks that are okay are strawberry, grape and sexy. I think I really would prefer the perfume bottles, sprays and scented cartridges. That way I can have the smell without the smoke. In fact, I emailed them and asked if I could return what I haven’t used, but I doubt they’ll go for it. I think they’ll only take things back that are damaged.

Meanwhile, I found a small gift set for $19 at Walmart with White Shoulders perfume, body lotion, and some other little bottle of cologne. I hope I can get it in person. That way we can get out of the shipping costs. See, this is why I wish I weren’t a doll collector or was getting more spending money per month. Think of all the new clothes, perfume and other items I could get if I didn’t have to tie up so much of my money with dolls because of how expensive the ones I like are.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2003 Not surprisingly, kids and adults are parading around in back right now, but they’re quiet. Especially since I’m indoors and on the other side of the house. I’m glad they’re quiet, but I still wish there were only one or two childless, dogless adults over there with one or two vehicles that were always parked in front and not at the sides or in back as well. I also wish there wasn’t someone home all the time, too.

I wish I could get up early every morning. At least throughout the cooler months. That way I could do what I did this morning and exercise outdoors. I walked briskly along the front wash, down by Meadow Green, up along the back wash towards next door, then circled around again. I calculated that it takes about 3 minutes for each round, so 10 rounds would make a half-hour of walking.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2003 I’d say that the water pills weren’t affecting my metabolism, after all. I’m not surprised either. I think I’m just nearly 38 years old and that’s what’s affecting it. What’s more of a surprise is how much more energy I’ve had since quitting the vitamins. I never would’ve thought they’d cause such sluggishness if Tom hadn’t mentioned the fact that vitamins do that to him. So I decided to increase my workouts now that I have more energy. I know it won’t cause me to lose weight, but why not make myself even healthier and even more fit? One thing’s for sure and that’s that I may be fat, but I sure am fit! I can jog for quite a long time. I’m going to alternate between jogging and brisk walking for a half-hour a day, plus do my crunches.

Mr. Predictable read more of my story on Sunday. He agrees that the third-person style is better. First person is better for true stories like in Mary’s book.

Speaking of Mary, I got a letter from her a couple of days ago along with drafts. When I wrote back to her I gave her Paula’s address and explained to her that although I think she’s beyond help, maybe she can write about her case. After all, she did say it’d be worth it if she only helped just one person. I told Paula she may write, too. Normally, I don’t buddy mix, but because we don’t all live in the same town, it’s okay, and Paula’s someone I’ll never see again. She’s just a voice on the phone. One I spoke to yesterday. She too, says my haircut makes me look younger.

Mary’s got me confused as to why Jose’s in prison. Or as to which story José told her, that is. I thought he was supposedly in for a murder connected to a drug deal gone bad. I thought the story was something about him witnessing a drug-related murder that he didn’t report, but now he’s supposedly in for killing a man who raped him. Tom and I both are very skeptical about that one. I think he just killed someone, plain and simple. I think he didn’t get what he wanted, he got pissed, and so he killed the dude. He was probably either buying or selling drugs and felt he was being ripped off somehow.

I wonder how Mary can be so damn naïve, but I don’t think it’s so much that she’s naïve as it is that she needs someone to believe in, and again, I don’t have to repeat what kind of man attracts her. It’s a form of masochism, so I read. They seek abusers because they either feel that’s all they deserve or they like the thrill of living on the edge. This is what I think is more Paula and Mary’s case. People like Tammy, on the other hand, seek abuse and misery to be pitied and or to be admired for forbearance.

This Saturday we’re going pet hunting and to the bookstore to hopefully sell some books and CDs and get some new books. Maybe, if I’m extremely lucky, I’ll find the Charlie’s Angels DVD there, but I doubt it.

I can’t wait for my incense! It was shipped on Monday. There’s a slight possibility that it could come today, but I think tomorrow’s more likely. At least it’s not something I have to worry about being broken and they seem to be reliable as far as not misdelivering things.

Not surprisingly, Netflip ripped me off. They keep saying they’ll “look into it,” but never do. And I’m sure they got a little help from above, too. It’s what I get for trying to make money.

I found a definite split end in one of Bailey’s hairs which confirms my suspicions…her hair is human.

We decided that if we were going to move, we might as well hunt for land in one of the states that allow internet gambling. Right now my guess is that we’ll move within the next 5 years to either somewhere in Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico or Texas, probably Nevada.

The renters are being annoying right now. Yeah, it’s that time of year again. Someone back there’s decided to take up Dan’s old job of engine gunning.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 3, 2003 Yesterday was a fun day. We each flew one of the Barbie kites. They flew quite well and for quite some time, too. I hooked mine to the well and he hooked his to the house and they flew themselves for a while.

We also both won two different scratch tickets. He won $2 and I won $15.

Tom normally does the grocery shopping early Saturday morning, but since we went out Saturday morning, he did it yesterday morning and we got Shiny some cat food. He sure is skinny.

I asked myself what I wanted more, another really nice doll or a mannequin and the answer is a mannequin. I have other nice dolls, but no mannequin yet, so I decided this is it, I’m going to save up for one for once and for all, but definitely won’t get one from that Bay area place. They’re just too expensive there. There are 3 possibilities - the place in Colorado, the place in Delaware, or the Netherlands. I could save money by getting one with molded hair that Tom could sand down so I could throw a wig over it, but I’d rather not have to do that. I’m hoping the Delaware site will have something by the time I have the money saved up. Their used wigged mannequins are pretty comparable to the Colorado site’s new molded-haired ones (they don’t have any used ones).

I already have $28 saved up, plus the $138 I’ll be getting in Christmas and birthday money. I’ll need about $300, so I need to save up $140 more.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2003 I only slept 5 hours yet woke up feeling as refreshed as ever. I can’t say that quitting the vitamins necessarily makes me need less sleep, but it does give me more energy. I’m sluggish a lot less often.

Two days ago it warmed up enough that I needed to put the AC on for a few hours, but now it’s cool again.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear the renters were Mexican welfare bums. The only thing that reminds me that they’re not is the lack of music, but they sure know a lot of people. I still think they’re Mormons and so they have large families. Anyway, someone’s been living behind them in a trailer similar to what we stayed in for about a week now which is supposed to be illegal unless you’re setting up a house you’re going to move into like our case was, and of course, George won’t complain about it. I haven’t heard or seen them and they’ve done a better job at keeping their trash to themselves, but the place really does look horrible.

However, we did some talking and now I don’t know if we’ll bother planting more things. I think we may be moving sooner than we first thought. They’re offering 160-acre parcels an hour north of Phoenix for $80,000. The idea is to get something like that and an old $20,000 piece of shit to live in while we built our own house. If we did this, we’d have no house payment. All we’d need to really pay for would be food and fun stuff. This would certainly eliminate the stress of having an $8-an-hour job, and we’d be able to put away money and save it for emergencies.

I like the idea of moving more and more, though I’ll probably feel a twinge of sadness when we do like Tom did when we left Phoenix because there are happier memories for me here than there were there. There, he didn’t have bad asthma and the need to struggle to quit smoking like I did. He also wasn’t as affected by next door’s shit as much because he was a heavier sleeper. Lastly, whether or not he was truthful about wanting a kid, he didn’t want one as bad as I once did. Plus, that house was an old dump, and like most guys, I don’t think he cares as much about size, age and appearance as we ladies tend to. Either way, this house isn’t completely untainted. Seems to me I remember a certain black pig tainted this house 4 years ago, along with 11 visits from Scot, to say nothing of the stress the blacks and Mexies caused us.

Surprisingly, my weight’s holding steady. The suppressants really help. I mean, I’m too old to lose weight and I know that, but they seem to be keeping me from gaining any more. Tom and I both agree that the suppressants they sell in the grocery store are pretty comparable to this overpriced stuff I’ve been getting. After all, if it were that much different, then you’d need a prescription for it.

Anyway, yesterday turned out to be rather fun. We were pretty productive, and for once I felt like things were finally starting to get done around here. First we went to Denny’s for breakfast. It was mobbed yet the people were civilized enough. We didn’t have any little kids screaming in our ears or throwing food at us. I got the steak and egg dinner and he got an omelet.

Then we went to Home Depot where he showed and explained to me why the porches shouldn’t cost a fortune or take forever to build. We also browsed through the nursery section and we both agree that 5-gallon plants are a little small for this place, so we’ll probably go with the 15 or higher when we go to get palms and olies. They had some huge queen palms for $149. We didn’t get any outdoor plants, but for just $10, I got an indoor palm! For just $5, I got a cheap black plastic pot with an attached drain pan and I sort of wish I’d gotten all plastic pots. They may not be as nice looking, but they sure are cheaper and they sure do make moving the plants a lot easier, too. However, the ceramic ones do provide more stability for the heavier ones.

Anyway, it’s so cool looking and is nearly 7’ tall. I’m glad I didn’t get the $50 fake one. I was surprised as I didn’t know palms could live indoors. The guy there said they’re good for indoors as well as patios and are slow-growing plants. All the tropical ones seem to grow slowly. I’m surprised it’s a majesty palm. I thought it looked more like a queen or a date palm.

I saw an older big-leaf plant and was like – wow! You mean mine will get that big someday? It was huge! Its leaves were easily comparable to a beach towel. I could cover this big old body of mine with some of the bigger leaves easily. The stems and leaves arched way up over my head. I realize, seeing how slowly mine’s grown in the 6 months I’ve had it, that this plant I saw must’ve been many years old. Like maybe 6 and mine’s probably about 3.

We also picked up 4 60-pound bags of cement to finish putting the posts up with.

The only disappointment was at the pet store. In the past they’ve always had a good selection of various-sized rats, but not this time. All they had were a few jumbos and a pile of albino feeders. We ordered the cages and accessories, but we’ll have to wait and get the rats at another store next weekend.

The best news of all is that we fixed the master bath’s shower leak. Amazingly, Tom found and fixed the problem within minutes of cutting away a couple of panels with a big sharp razor. Our first thought was that we screwed it up when we increased the pressure, but no, as always, it’s someone else’s mess we gotta clean up after. The stupid Mexicans ruptured the plastic pipe with a nail at the factory, so little by little, it’s been leaking ever since. Using a special glue along with a rubber clamp, Tom sealed it up.

The original plan was to wallpaper that bath, but then I came up with a better idea that would cost us a lot less and save Tom a lot of extra work, too. That monster bath is 8x14 and would need 18 rolls of wallpaper which would cost around $200. If we throw a little door-size mural over the area he cut out and is going to patch up so long as it stays dry for a good week or so, then that’d be just $20. I was thinking of a beach scene for in there and horses for the bedroom and retreat doors which would look great from the bed when those doors are shut. There’s a scene with a brown horse staring out of a stall in a barn, then there’s one with a white horse.

As for the very screwed up living room mural – that will get redone too, and so the whole thing will cost about $120. There’s a large garden mural I like for that wall.

[shadowsong26fic]

Coming Attractions!

I missed last month due to a Variety of IRL shenanigans (some work-related, some car-related), but it is the first Monday of a new month, so here we are!

I do want to make a quick plug for Galactica Big Bang, which I will be running in the second half of this year. Signups will open in July, and there’ll be more details on that in the not-too-distant future. I have set up an event Discord (which can also be a place for other BSG fans/creatives to hang out as far as I’m concerned), so please feel free to check it out!

And, as usual, I’ll go ahead and do an open question night. My askbox is always open, but I’ll be keeping an eye on it to answer questions tonight. Anything I’ve posted about here on tumblr or on AO3 is fair game. I do accept prompts, but no promises on when I’ll actually get around to filling them (I think I still have some floating around either here or on Dreamwidth that are over a year old, oops...)

Star Wars:

I ended up dropping out of SWBB as a writer--mostly due to the aforementioned IRL stuff, I ended up falling way further behind than I wanted to be. I might have been able to catch up, but it was just. Yeah. Anyway, I am still participating as a beta/mod/offering podfic for the first time, so that should be fun! (I really do love this event, I’ve been doing it for...this is either my fifth or sixth year, lol. So dropping out was Not Easy, but it was the right call to make so...yeah, there it is.)

I am going to hold on to what I did get written/that concept (which is--Anakin never ended up in the Jedi Order; he and Ahsoka run into each other about halfway through the Clone War and team up for an Adventure) for next year, unless I come up with something I like more in the intervening time. Or I might just finish it outside any event if I really get Inspired, but we’ll see.

I swear I haven’t abandoned Precipice. I know I keep saying that and not actually getting any updates out, but...you know, that fic/AU is important to me and I refuse to let it die, so I want to get it updated At Some Point. That being said, I’ve gotten...like...three separate comments on fics for entirely unrelated fandoms asking me to update it??? Which. Not Cool. Not really getting me enthused for working on it. Why do people do that. (in one case, it was for a project with a co-creator; and in another, that was the only comment i got on the fic in question so i’m. pretty mad about it, lol.)

Let’s see, what else is actively going on here...Obianidala has been one of my ships for the Year of the OTP project. It’s been fun; I’m particularly proud of what I wrote for them in March.

...yeah, I think that’s it for this fandom. There’s other stuff drifting around in the back of my head, as is pretty much always the case, but nothing I’m working on in any concrete sense. our faces like a mirror is definitely still there, for example, especially since Bo-Katan has been in the news lately; crossovers (BSG or going back to Jedi of Valdemar) are always fun...but nothing I’m actively planning to do Actual Work on at the moment.

BSG:

Well, there’s Galactica Big Bang coming up XD I don’t know if I’ll write for it since Running the event will already be a lot; especially since I’m going to offer to pitch in with podfic and/or fanmixes (if I decide to count those as art) if we have enough of a mismatch in terms of numbers there. But a few things have been floating around as possibilities in my head if I do decide to participate--maybe doing something with the Selkie AU I posted for February for the Year of the OTP; maybe something related to the AU I’m going to poke at for this month (which is something I’ve been really looking forward to since I decided to do this event). I’ve also been thinking a lot about Zarek lately; might be interesting to write about him (either the events leading to his original arrest; maybe in parallel with the mutiny and/or his arrest on New Caprica?) Anyway, I’ll see how things go/how many people sign up and what might be feasible.

(I mean, I do at Some point want to get back to the Selkie AU and what I’ve nicknamed the Backup Plans AU at some point, so those will probably pop up again eventually whether or not I write them out for an Event.)

I am also working on The Other Battlestar. Last time I did one of these, I did a brief blurb on some OCs that will be involved for Plot Reasons. I’m...genuinely not sure when I’ll start posting but at This point, my goal is to do that before signups for GBB open in July, so, wish me luck XD

(Seriously, though, is there an actual convention for tagging a Cylon OC who uses their model’s base/shared name?)

Again, crossovers/etc. pretty continuously percolate in the back of my head, but none I’m actively planning to write down. ...not yet, anyway. So those are the main things I’m working at now.

Original Fic:

Well, again, Year of the OTP has me doing three ships from my original stuff, too. I’m glad I decided to do that; it’s gotten me to get more actual text down for my original stuff, and since one of the three couples I’m using I haven’t done much with, it’s a good way to explore the two of them.

Castlevania:

Incinctus is another one I swear isn’t dead, really. I haven’t quite gotten past the wall I hit with the next chapter...maybe if/when I rewatch the series (at some point before Nocturne actually comes out), I’ll get back to it?

AtLA:

My roommate has been rewatching the series again, and since it is my other other forever fandom, that’s brought some of my old fic ideas drifting back to the surface. Not necessarily in an ‘I’m going to actually write this’ kind of way, but also not...really ruling out the possibility? I did have a few I was working on a while ago, but we’ll see how that goes.

Link to my masterpost of Year of the OTP fills, if anyone wants to check those out.

...I think that’s pretty much what’s going on on my end! Like I said, Open Question Night, come hang out with us on the GBB server if you’re into that!

[f1]

Alpine introducing ride height tool and visible upgrade at first race | 2023 F1 season

Alpine will have two updates ready for its new A523 in time for the first race of the season next week. The team which finished fourth in the constructors championship last year is seeking to narrow the gap to the top three teams this year. Technical director Matt Harman said one of the updates it will run in the Bahrain Grand Prix should help it do that. “There’ll be some visual differences [at] the first race,” he told media including RaceFans in Bahrain today. “We’ve got quite a nice upgrade going on for the first race and hopefully that’ll help with our quest to get closer to that third position, if not being in that position.” Harman said the team will also have a new tool intended to help it optimise the car’s ride height. Teams can significantly increase the performance of their floors by running their cars as low and stiff as possible, providing they can prevent a recurrence of the porpoising which many experienced last year. Interactive: Compare all 10 F1 cars of 2023 side-by-side Alpine’s car was seen porpoising at times during this week’s test, which Harman said was a consequence of the team deliberately running stiff suspension. “We’ve exercised the envelope,” he said. “I’m sure you’ve seen some of the footage, we’ve run quite stiff. That works in some conditions, we need to exercise that. “On this track it doesn’t tend towards being very, very stiff, although there are some circuits during the season where we’re going to be able to optimise and capitalise on that, hence the test. But I think we’ve learnt a lot from that. Some of the tools we’ve got, specifically on the rear end of the car, are allowing us to capitalise on that learning. So the gain is important.” Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free Another update coming for next weekend will allow Alpine to better optimise their ride height, he said. “The ride height of the car, we all know, is a key performance differentiator. We need to make sure we exercise that as well. “We’ve got some technology in the car that allows us to run it a little bit lower than maybe we would have done last year so we need to make sure we try that here. We’re going to be trying that for the first time in probably practice for the first race. So it’s been interesting.” Last year Alpine tended to bring upgrades which were smaller than those of their rivals, but did so more frequently, introducing new parts at almost every race. Harman said they may change that approach this year. “It may not be at every race because I think as the cars are evolving they’re becoming more integrated and therefore the packages that you need to bring need to be a little bit more widespread. “But fundamentally, there will be an attempt to try and develop something at every race, even if it’s not bodywork or things that you see visually, but things that you maybe can’t see that will give us lap time. So that’s our intent. “As we said before, we were quite proud of that last year and we’ve got the same resources, we’ve got the same finances, if not slightly better so it’s just down to us to get through that work, really.” Bringing the F1 news from the source RaceFans strives to bring its readers news directly from the key players in Formula 1. We are able to do this thanks in part to the generous backing of our RaceFans Supporters. By contributing £1 per month or £12 per year (or the equivalent in other currencies) you can help cover the costs involved in producing original journalism: Travelling, writing, creating, hosting, contacting and developing. We have been proudly supported by our readers for over 10 years. If you enjoy our independent coverage, please consider becoming a RaceFans Supporter today. As a bonus, all our Supporters can also browse the site ad-free. Sign up or find out more via the links below: Advert | Become a RaceFans supporter and go ad-free 2023 F1 season Browse all 2023 F1 season articles via RaceFans - Independent Motorsport Coverage https://www.racefans.net/

[betzabobababi]

Third Times the Charm

Hello Hello! This is by far one of my favorite things I have written! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Please don't hesitate to like, comment or reblog. It means so much to authors. It also gives them feedback. Anyways without further ado!

Tom Holland x Reader *Y/n Y/ln*

Warnings: Mentions of a fire. Calling 911. Weddings. Proposing

Summary: Tom tries repeatedly to pop the question.

Type: Fluff <3

AUTHORS POV

Tom had been trying to pop the question for months now. He asked for your father's blessing; he told his mum. He even asked Zendaya, your sister, and some of your other close friends for help on picking the ring, date, and place.

So when the day finally came for him to get down on one knee and ask for your hand in marriage, you had to postpone your date because your sister went into an early labor.

Tom reluctantly delayed the occasion and planned another date. This date was in a small family owned Vineyard somewhere in napa. The sun had started to set and just as you were about to turn around (Tom was already on his knee) you spotted that a part of the grape Vines had caught on fire. Hurriedly you called 911. At this point Tom had already gotten up and started to pack up your stuff so you could get out of there safely.

Exasperated by his multiple failed attempts to ask for your hand in marriage he decided that he would try one last time and if it didn't work he would wait a while longer. He thought "maybe the universe is purposefully trying to sabotage my plans because it's not time yet" 

So the third time he tried to pop the question, he set a date in which he made sure you both had no plans or meetings going on. He drove you to a park somewhere downtown and he had a picnic set up.

 He was very nervous, “What if she says no?” or “what if i mess up the speech?” “Third times the charm-Third times the charm-Third times the charm” he kept repeating to himself. If it didn't work out it was ok. But he just really wanted it to work out.  Around an hour into the picnic he mentally psyched himself up one more time and as nervous as he was finally decided to pop the question.

“Y/n Y/l/n *you got this tom!* you are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I love you more than anything in this world. I can guarantee there’ll be tough times.*he gets down on one knee* I guarantee that at some point one or both of us are gonna want to get out of this. *reaches into pocket* But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine *takes out the ring* I'll regret it for the rest of my life because I know in my heart you are the only one for me. Be with me now and forever?” At the end of his speech Tom’s whole face was flushed a bright red. Breathing heavily he looked into your eyes, looking, searching for any sign of rejection. But when he looked at you all he could see were the tears that were threatening to spill. He could only see your wide smile.

And as if the world suddenly stops, he sees your mouth opening. “YES YES OH MY GOD YES A MILLION TIMES YES!” you said nearly shouting. You were screaming, but at a reasonable level for a person who just got asked for their hand in marriage. Tom let out a sigh of relief finally being able to breathe again. You lunged at Tom and wrapped your arms around his neck, trapping him in a tight hug. When you both finally let go you saw Tom’s family and yours emerging from the trees surrounding both of you. Harry had a camera in hand and was clicking away. Nicki and Dom were in tears. Your sister was carrying her newborn, looking at you with one of the biggest smiles you have ever seen on her face. Her husband followed close behind. And your father beside him. Paddy walked in between his parents. Sam walked next to Harry, carrying a tray of delicious looking desserts. As they reach you and Tom, one by one congratulate you and engulfed you in big hugs. After giving them their love they talked with you guys. Both you and Tom explained your hopes and wishes for the wedding.

“Hey Tom?” you said to him as you were walking back to the car. “Yes Love?” “How many times did you try to propose?” Tom chuckled at the question. Eyes shining with love. “Believe it or not, I only tried three times.” Tom responded. “You know what they say Tommy, Third Times the Charm.”

[afairywithacrown]

Just a piece of paper

Tsukishima x reader

warnings: None! just a little cursing probably. Overall just Fluff

Watching the girls putting two love letters into Tsukishima’s locker let down your hopes.

You know he gets a lot of attention normally, it’s natural he gets a lot of love letters on valentines day. Somehow now the piece of paper you put your heart in is not that important anymore, it could get lost in those two other ones. God knows how many other girls had leave their letters and how many would do it through the day.

Trying to walk away with a knot in your throat, you bumped into something that wasn’t there before.

“Sorry-“

“What you have there?” Of course, life has to be cruel with you.

“Nothing, just a piece of paper” Your eyes met up with his and the sweat in your hands increased notoriously.

“It has my name on it. Is for me?” A sadistic grin appeared in his face letting you know he knew exactly what was happening.

“Well… yes, but that doesn’t mean it’s for you”

“Then what is it?” Tsukishima said persistently.

“Just a piece of paper with your name on it.”

“So, i assume there’ll be no problem if i take a look.” His hands held the letter softly, before taking it out of your hands you pressed it against your chest, and just assuming your cheeks were bright red, you spoke in a nervous tone trying to explain yourself.

“It’s a love letter… from a girl. She asked me to give it to you” Your excuse would’ve been believable only if you hadn’t been so nervous about having it in the first place.

Your reaction caught him off guard and after the initial shock, he came back to his original condescending face.

“Oh, in that case, why would you try to hide it from me?”

Not having an answer for it he continued when you looked away.

“Are you jealous? You don’t want me to look at it?”

“I'm not jealous, don’t be stupid.”

“Then can I have it? After all, is for me.” Head slightly tilted trying to get to your sight and eyes looking into yours on what you assume he reads your mind and knows already what exactly does the letter says. Holding it making it wrinkle a little you finally give up and hand it to him.

“Thanks, when I'm done reading it, I’ll tell you what I think so you can… tell her.”

“I don’t really care what you think about the letter, my job was only delivering it to you”

He kept it in his hands for a couple of seconds before walking away in the other direction not saying a word. Your lungs let a big amount of breath you were holding without noticing it.

His reaction after having it in his hands was the expected, he was teasing you, of course, he knew it was from you. Probably was the most gentle way he could’ve rejected you without breaking your heart so hard.

Tomorrow will be an old story and you will forget about it like your little crush was supposed to many months ago.

Opening your locker to get the books for your next class you noticed a white piece of paper you couldn’t remember leaving there. With curiosity you took it and after analyzing the blank envelope you realized it was a love letter. Not a normal one people leave, no name or little hearts drawn in it, just what it seems to be another piece of paper in it.

Looking around trying to find the responsible, and maybe thinking it could’ve been a mistake, someone who thought this was someone else’s locker, your eyes met up with his.

Your letter still in hand and a soft smile uncharacteristic of him. Looking back to the mysterious paper in your hands you could’ve never imagined he could feel the same about you.

[novaiya]

Good Things Come in Three - Arthur/Reader/Sadie (NSFW)

Summary: You and Arthur skip the gang's celebratory party in favor of some alone time, barely closing the door of the hotel room before freeing each other of your clothes. Naked and on the bed, you almost get down to business when Sadie knocks on your door, asking if she could join the fun. You didn't expect the night to take such a turn, but that's not to say you're opposed to what she's suggesting.

Words: 5,157

Warnings: threesome, girl on girl kissing, face sitting, honestly, nothing too out of the line, just some good ol' F/F/M

A/N: I've wanted to write an RDR2 threesome for months now, and finally, it happened! Hopefully there'll be more to cum (lol) I actually have a rough draft of a Arthur/Reader/Charles sitting in my folder, so maybe I'll do something with it soon. Also, I'm going to horny jail.

AO3 Link.

With successful completion of a big score came a big celebration. The job was two weeks in the making and involved half a dozen members of the gang, you included. A small bank in a cholera ridden town, though heavily guarded with lawmen both inside and around it; you knew there was more to it. After a little bit more digging, you discovered that one of the residents of town struck gold and was keeping his findings there for the time being. It took careful planning and rigorous preparations but on the chosen day, you were all ready.

Contrary to how the gang’s plans often went, this one went rather smoothly (probably due to inclusion of you and Sadie, women’s touch as they say) and not a day later the gang was about $40,000 richer, a few gold bars heavier and miles away.

The spirits were high; Not only did the job go smoothly, but nobody got hurt or caught. Dutch was ecstatic and decided that celebration was in order. As soon as you came upon a town with a functioning saloon in it, all the horses and the wagons were stopped and everybody went inside.

The saloon, which only a few minutes before was quiet and deserted, with only the barman standing and polishing the empty glasses, quickly filled with two dozen of the gang members and their combined laughs, cheers and songs.

“What’s your name, mister?” Dutch said to the barman as the gang filed into the saloon.

“Howard, sir.”

“Howard,” Dutch repeated as he shook Howard’s hand and inconspicuously slid a few bills into his hand. “These people,” he said and motioned to the members that had already scattered themselves around the saloon, some at the poker table, some by the bar stock. “They had a rough go at it. Can you please make sure they have a pleasant evening?”

“Well, of course, sir!” Howard beamed, already putting the bills in his back pocket. “I’ve been serving drinks at this saloon since before the war, sir, I know what people need.”

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Dutch said, patting Howard on the back. “Now, people,” he turned his attention to the gang, his voice raising a few octaves. “Tonight, we celebrate. I want all of you to enjoy yourself. Drink, eat, gamble and do whatever else you want, as much as you want. You deserve it.”

Dutch’s address was met with loud cheers and long applause and thus, the night began.

The last time Howard served so many people so quickly was in ’65 when the war ended. Yet, even then he didn’t remember having to go into the basement to bring more stock and having to wake up his sons so they could help serve the patrons quicker. As he filled each glass to the brim, he wondered how people could drink so much.

You wondered too as you watched your fellow gang members down one drink after another after another. Some fared better than others. Dutch and Hosea, preferring to enjoy their liquor rather than get wasted, sat in the corner of the room by the fire, nursing their whiskey and already planning their next move. Lenny, still being young and inexperienced, was already dancing hand in hand with Sean, who despite not being new to drinking, couldn’t hold his liquor. Pearson, along with Uncle, started playing their instruments and added live music to the mix of singing, laughter and talking that already filled the saloon. Even Charles joined in on harmonica a few times.

Howard wondered what the lot of you did to call for such a celebration, but he knew better than to ask questions. The money was paid and the drinks were sold; that’s all that mattered.

To say that you were tipsy was an understatement. Perhaps drinking a shot of whiskey and chasing it with a beer was not a good idea, but good ideas rarely made their way into your head, especially when running with the Van Der Linde gang. You were sitting in Arthur’s lap, your arms draped lazily over his form, your head on his shoulder. The two of you were sitting at the poker table, with the other players being Javier, John and Micah. All four of the men were far too drunk to make the right moves or plan their strategies, yet it didn’t stop them from gambling their share of the bank job and hoping for the best.

Unsurprisingly to you, Arthur was winning. Out of all the four men, he was the least inebriated (no thanks to his big size and ability to hold liquor), and even when the drinks were not in play, Arthur was generally a good player, knowing when to hold, to fold, or to walk away. Each time he won some, you’d land a kiss on his neck or his cheek and whisper in his ear, “Good job, love.” The stoic, ruthless gunslinger would turn into mush at your words and your touch, and with a pink blush on his cheeks would say, “Thank you, sweetheart.”

Despite enjoying a game of poker from time to time yourself, you found yourself a little bored and were looking forward to when the game would finish. As you sat in Arthur laps, waiting for the men to call it a night, your eyes traveled over the saloon, taking in the scenery around. It was a nice change to see the gang members so happy and carefree, the only thing on their mind, their next drink.

As you scanned the room, your eyes met with Sadie’s. She was leaning against the bar stock with a drink in her hand. You couldn’t read the exact look in her eyes; it was fierce, determined and hot. Hot. That’s exactly how you felt under her gaze. You shifted under Arthur, suddenly too aware that you were sitting on his lap. He groaned a little, one of his hands coming up to your hip to stop your movements.

“Careful, sweetheart,” he said under his breath, loud enough only for you to hear. You could still feel Sadie’s gaze, could see it from the corner of your eyes. His hand massaged your hip a little and he added, “I’m almost done here. Wanna go upstairs?”

A salacious smile, fueled by the alcohol in your veins and Arthur’s body against yours spread on your lips, and you hid your head in the crook of his neck, whispering, “You know I do.”

Arthur chuckled, before turning back to the game.

“All in,” he said.

Javier dropped out, but John and Micah went along, going all in.

One card up, second card up.

“Yes!”

You almost jumped out of Arthur’s lap as he roared, scooping up his winnings in no time.

John groaned, dropping his head onto the table with a loud thud, already preparing himself for Abigail’s wrath as soon as she would find out. Micah, on the other hand, was fuming, and his face was almost as red from the rage as his shirt. “Stupid game,” he said as he got up from the table and went to the barman, getting himself another drink.

“I got lady luck in my lap,” Arthur said before turning his head to you, capturing your lips in a kiss. You moaned against his lips and waved your fingers through his hair, not caring even a bit at the John and Javier present, the latter even whistling at your display of love. One of his hands was on your hip, and the other started to make its way up your leg and under your skirt, dangerously close to the hem of your drawers.

You broke the kiss, panting slightly, and said, “How about we get a room?” you said before kissing his jaw and adding, “Unless you want to take me right here at the table.”

He could feel himself stiffen at your words, and without wasting anymore time, got up from the chair and took your hand in his. No one paid you and Arthur any attention as you traversed through the saloon, everybody too busy with their own conversations or drink, except for Sadie. You could feel her eyes the entire time as you walked across the room to the stairs, and your mouth felt dry when you walked right past her, her deep, brown eyes staring right into your soul and calling out to something. As you walked up the stairs, you turned back one last time, and saw her sending you a warm, though hinting, smile.

The two of you giggled and laughed as you tried to undress each other, the alcohol doing its job at making your fingers nimble.

He pushed you against the door as he ravished your mouth, making your head feel dizzy and your need for air almost as strong as the need for Arthur. When he broke away from your lips, his mouth turned to attacking your neck, leaving kisses and hickeys all up and down the column of your neck as his hands worked on undoing the buttons of your blouse.

“Oh my god, Arthur,” you moaned, your eyes closed as Arthur finally discarded your blouse and revealed your chest to him, his mouth landing on one of your nipples while his fingers worked on the other.

“Been hard since the moment you sat your pretty little ass down on my lap,” he groaned against your chest. He sucked on one of your nipples, covering it in his spit before adding, “Thought of taking you right then and there when I felt your nipples brush against me.”

“Fuck,” you moaned, your fingers in his hair as he placed his mouth back on your chest, giving your other nipple the same treatment.

“You sure were as good with them cards tonight as you are with your mouth,” you said breathlessly when he released your nipple.

“Darlin’,” he said, his voice dropping an octave and having a dangerous edge to it, “There’s a lot of things I’m good at.”

“Then show me, cowboy,” you said as you pushed him a little before dropping your skirt together with your drawers on the ground, presenting yourself to Arthur in all your naked glory. He could feel his mouth go dry upon seeing your body, illuminated by a faint light from the lantern. No matter how many times he saw you naked, you always managed to take his breath away and wonder what he did to deserve a creature as marvelous as you.

He picked you up effortlessly and carried you to the bed. The cotton sheets felt cool and soft against your skin as Arthur laid you down before covering your body with his, his mouth on yours in seconds.

“Too many clothes,” you mumbled against his lips and pulled on his suspenders, the strap hitting him with an audible slap when you released it.

He didn’t waste much time, pushing his suspenders to the side and pulling out his shirt before throwing it on the floor, revealing his golden chest and torso to your eyes. You ran your hand up his torso, through the light blonde hair that covered it and up to his chest where you could hear his heart beat wildly. His hands were on his pants, ready to pull them down and reveal his leaking cock when a knock on the door froze both of you. You both darted your heads to the door, wondering who and for what reason would knock on your door. Perhaps it was one of your drunk friends, lost and trying to find an available room.

When neither of you answered, keeping still and quiet despite your breathing hard and heavy, a voice spoke from behind the door.

“It’s Sadie,” she said as if mentioning that it’s her and not one of the drunken boys would make a difference and by god, it did.

Her intense stare flashed before your eyes and you once again felt the weight of it over you. Perhaps the alcohol was doing it’s job, making you bolder and daring, but you turned your eyes at Arthur, searching for something in them; a visible ‘no’, a confusion or some sort of opposition, but when none came, you turned back towards the door and said, “Come in.”

You saw the doorknob twist before the door opened with an audible creak. As soon as Sadie passed through the threshold and closed the door behind her, her eyes landed on the two of you on the bed.

Arthur was just in his pants, situated between your naked, spread legs. Her eyes raked over his golden chest down to the bulge in his pants before darting to you, your nipples perky and at attention, your chest rising and falling each time you took a breath. It didn’t miss you when she licked her lips, her eyes still on your naked body.

“I…” she began, sounding just a hint sheepish, “I’m interested in joining. If it's okay with the two of you that is.”

You could feel yourself clench around nothing and your heart rate pick up a few beats upon hearing her words. From the way she occasionally watched you and Arthur engaging in some PDA and the looks the two of you would often share, you could feel something more than friendly feelings floating in the air. It would be a lie if you said you weren’t curious; Sadie was a beautiful woman; from her piercing brown eyes, to her full lips and her dirty blonde hair. You caught yourself thinking that she reminded you of Arthur in some ways, both of them having a similar, burning fire in them, bravery that could rival anyone else’s in the gang as well as a softer, caring side. Maybe that’s why you liked her and weren’t opposed to what she was suggesting.

You licked your lips and was more than ready to say yes, but turned to Arthur. After how long the two of you had been together, you didn’t need to use words to communicate. You looked at him, raising your brows slightly, silently asking, “Are you okay with this?” He gave you a lopsided grin, nodding his head just a tiny bit, his way of saying, “If you are, I am.”

You smiled before biting your lip and turning your head to Sadie. Arthur moved to the side, making room for you so you could get up from the bed. “Join us,” you said when you came to stand next to her, taking her hand in yours. She flashed you a smile, the one that was making you weak in the knees, before one of her hands made its way to the back of your head, bringing your head closer to hers. You could feel her breath against your lips, could smell the strong scent of whiskey on them. It felt that just by inhaling the scent, you were getting more intoxicated.

Her lips were soft and warm as she pressed them against yours, stealing your breath away as she kissed you. You tangled your fingers in her hair, deepening the kiss and moaning against her mouth when she slipped her tongue in. All tongue and teeth, the kiss was desperate and needy, as if the two of you were starving for each other. Arthur could do nothing but watch as the two of you kissed, his mind on fire at looking at one of the most erotic things he’s ever seen in his life. He could feel himself become rock hard to the point of pain, and palmed his erection through his pants, trying to relieve some of the tension.

Her clothes dropped on the floor in a pile as you helped to disrobe her, your lips not leaving her for more than a few seconds as you helped her pull her blouse over her head and her pants down. Your lips were swollen and wet when the two of you finally broke apart, lazy grins on your faces. You turned around to look at Arthur; he looked desperate and needy as he sat on the bed, his cock already in his hands, rock solid, leaking and red at the tip. Your mouth watered at the sight of him, and you smiled at Sadie before the two of you made your way to Arthur.

“Ladies,” he groaned as the two of you got up on the bed, making your way to Arthur like panthers to their prey. You pushed his hand aside, replacing it with yours. If there was heaven, then this was certainly it, Arthur thought when he watched the two of you bring your lips to his cock, your mouth on his tip while Sadie’s on his base. He fought back the urge to snap his hips forward, pushing more of himself in your mouth, and decided to simply take what the two of you were giving him. While you sucked on his head, popping the head in your mouth from time to time before sucking on it, Sadie was kissing up and down his cock, making a mess as her spit covered him from the base to the middle. Arthur couldn’t help but twitch when she took one of his balls in her mouth, and you took his cock deeper, the head hitting the back of your throat. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he moaned loud, perhaps too loud, at all the attention he was getting.

Thankfully, the two of you didn’t torture him for too long or otherwise he was sure he would’ve been cumming down your throat within minutes. As Sadie popped his balls from her mouth, and you took his cock out of yours, you kissed once again. Neither of you minded the taste of the man on each other’s lips, perhaps even chasing it as your tongues clashed against each other.

You turned to look at Arthur, your eyes almost completely black and full of lust, and said, “Arthur, I want you to fuck Sadie.” Your hands ran up his cock, giving a few slow, sensual strokes and earning a groan from him before adding, “I want her to feel how good your cock is.”

To say that he was expecting the night to go down like this would be a lie, but that’s not to say that he wasn’t enjoying it. He didn’t trust his words, so he simply nodded his head and pushed his hips a little for emphasis.

Sadie’s hand was in yours as she moved to straddle Arthur, his cock right against her nether lips. He could feel her witness coating his member, the heat from her lips already spreading over him. Arthur held himself in his hand as Sadie lowered herself on his cock, moaning at the stretch of being filled by him, pleasure bordering on pain from how thick he was. You kissed her all over, her neck, her cheeks, her lips, her chest, as she took him inch by inch, her breathing ragged and her eyes closed. When he was all the way in, his pelvis flush with her, it was as if everybody breathed a sigh of relief. Sadie felt full, unbelievably so, and without even moving, she could already feel unbelievable pleasure filling her.

You lowered your head to Arthur’s, kissing over his neck before bringing your lips to his ear and said, “Make her feel good, Arthur.”

The first pull and push of his cock had Sadie cry out in pleasure, her face contorted in ecstasy as Arthur pushed deep inside her. His hands were on her hips as he held her in place, pistoling his cock in and out of her wet channel. You could feel your wetness run down your legs as you watched her, so lost in pleasure and so beautiful as she moaned.

With his hands still on her hips, he turned his face to you, capturing your lips in a kiss. You could feel his hunger and desperation as his tongue danced around your’s, making your head spin from the intensity of the kiss.

When he broke away, a spit connecting your lips just for a moment, he said, “I want to feel you too.”

You didn’t have to be told twice. With excitement and lust and arousal coursing through your veins, you sat up on the bed before swinging your legs over Arthur’s head and bringing your soaked pussy over his mouth. He removed one of his hand’s from Sadie’s hips (who was now riding him in earnest herself, taking her pleasures from his cock) and placed it on one of your thighs to bring you down over his mouth.

Your moans joined Sadie’s as Arthur sucked on your sopping lips, before diving his tongue right into your hole. The room filled with nothing but sounds of moans, groans and skin slapping against skin. Perhaps, if someone looked up a definition of hedonism, a picture of the three of you would be there, indulging in your most basic carnal desires and chasing your pleasures.

With your eyes closed and your mouth open, you could do nothing but shake with pleasure as Arthur ate you out, his skillful tongue working between plunging itself into your hole and sucking on your clit. The feeling of Sadie’s hand on your cheek made you open your eyes. She was completely debauched, her face flush from arousal, her pussy wet and dripping as Arthur fucked into her. She brought your face to hers and kissed you, her tongue pushing past your lips right away. From Arthur tongue in your pussy to Sadie’s in your mouth, you could feel yourself nearing the edge.

“Fuck!” Sadie cried out, breaking away from your lips as her orgasm washed over her like a tsunami. Arthur didn’t let up for a moment, pistoling his hips in and out of her quivering hole until she couldn’t take it anymore. She felt herself gush all over him as he brought her to the peak of pleasures to the point where it was becoming all too much and she had to stop. She breathed heavily as she recovered, sitting to the side and waiting for the ringing in her ears to pass.

Satisfied with making one of the women happy, Arthur turned his full attention to you, both of his hands on your thigh, bringing you impossible close to his face, so much so that you wondered how he breathed.

“Arthur,” you moaned as he fucked you with his tongue and brought his thumb to play with your clit.

Sadie was at your side then, kissing down your neck till she reached your nipple and sucked on it.

“Oh my god,” you moaned, tears welling in your eyes as all the sensations were becoming too much. “You’re gonna make me cum,” you said to both of them, and not a moment later, you did.

You kept riding Arthur’s face as you chased your orgasm, crying his and Sadie’s name as they kept bringing you higher and higher. After a few more moments, you finally came to a stop, your thighs still shaking as Arthur helped you from his face down to the bed, laying at one of your sides while Sadie laid at your other. He kissed up and down your neck, leaving small bites and hickeys all over, while Sadie kissed over your chest, marking you as well.

Only after a few moments did it dawn on you that despite making the two of you cum and see stars, Arthur still hasn’t, his cock rock hard.

As if thinking the same thing, Sadie looked up at your from between your breasts, saying, “I wanna watch him fuck you,” before licking your nipple.

You moaned at that, your pussy twitching in anticipation, and looked at Arthur.

You were still sensitive from your orgasm, but you wanted to watch Arthur cum, so you spoke against his lips. “Arthur, please.”

He could never say no to you, not when you spoke his name with such a need in your voice. He smiled against your lips, brushing his nose against yours before saying, “Anything for you, darlin’.”

You parted your thighs to accommodate him and licked your lips when he took his cock in his hand, giving himself a few pumps before pushing just the head of his cock in. There was more than enough preparation, your own wetness and Arthur’s spit running down your pussy and your thighs, yet you still felt that familiar burn as he split you open, pushing more of himself in.

Inch by inch, he filled you, taking a pause here and there to let you get used to the feeling of him filling you to the brim. When he was all the way in, the head of his cock pushing so deep inside you you could practically taste it, you sighted his name, your head rolling back on the pillows and your fingers clawing at the sheets.

Sadie’s hand was on your lower abdomen, right where she could feel Arthur push in you.

She licked her lips before turning to him and said, “Fuck her proper, Arthur.”

The drag of his cockhead over your insides had you clench around him, the tears in your eyes coming back as your sensitive walls spasmed over him. One of your hands was clawing at the back of your pillows, the other at the sheets under you, and you could do little more than simply take Arthur’s pistoning, his cock reducing you to cries and moans of his name.

Sadie turned your head towards her, capturing your lips in her once again before speaking against them. “Tell me how good he’s making you feel,” she said.

You tried to speak, but as you opened your mouth, a moan came out as Arthur delivered a particularly rough thrust, hitting that special place inside of you. Out of the corner of your eyes you could see him smirk.

“So good, Sadie,” you finally managed. The bliss you were feeling had your mind going haywire as Arthur’s thrusts pushed you closer and closer to the edge of euphoria. “Fuck. He’s fucking me so good,” you moaned, your words no doubt feeding Arthur’s ego, making him puff out his chest more and fuck you harder into the mattress, “He’s gonna make me cum.”

Sadie smiled before kissing you once again, alternating between sucking on your tongue and delving hers into your mouth.

Arthur was at the end of his rope. He was holding out his own release, hoping to deliver you to yours first, but it was proving hard when your cunt spasmed over him each time he pushed inside. It didn’t help either that you and Sadie were all over each other, your lips against one another, your hands exploring each other’s bodies. Not even in his wildest dreams or fantasies had he seen something like this.

He placed both of his hands on the back of your thighs before pushing them up so your legs hung on his shoulder, kissing one of your ankles as he did so. Your legs twitched each time he slammed back in, the new position making him go in even deeper if that was possible, and if it wasn’t for Sadie’s mouth on yours, you were sure your scream’s would’ve definitely alerted somebody.

Delicate and slow, her hand traveled from one of your breasts, down your stomach and to your wet pussy. She could feel where Arthur was entering you again and again, the wetness around your walls making for an easy, though loud with sloppy sounds, entrance. Using two of her fingers, she started to add small circular motions around your clit, making your toes curl.

With the combination of Sadie’s fingers on your clit and Arthur’s cock in your pussy, you came, arching your back from the bed as pleasure coursed through your veins, so hard you thought you were gonna blackout from it. Sadie kissed you through it, muffling your cries and moans and screams with her mouth. The orgasm swept over you like a hurricane, leaving you completely boneless as you laid there, managing to do nothing more than keep taking Arthur’s cock.

The feeling of you spasming and tightening over him was too much for Arthur. “Fuck, darlin’, I’m close,” he said, the sweat on his face making it shiny.

With Sadie’s mouth away from yours, you managed a broken cry and a small, “Yes” moving your hips just a little to help Arthur to his release.

Sadie moved her hand from where it was near your clit to where Arthur was entering your sopping pussy again and again. With a mischievous smile, she took his balls in her hand and fondled them before saying, “Fill her up, Arthur.”

Arthur came with a heavy groan, his pace all out of rhythm as he kept pushing his cock into you, stuffing you full of his cum until you could feel it running down your thighs.

At last, he stilled, his breathing heavy as he pulled out of you and lowered your legs from his shoulder to the bed.

You could feel Arthur’s sweat drop from his forehead to yours as he bent down to kiss you, slow and tender, before dropping to your side. His head was on the pillow as he stared at the ceiling, still trying to comprehend what had just happened. On your other side, Sadie was catching her breath too, the activities you just engaged in making her previously clear complexion looking a tad bit pink. You could see a satisfied smile on her lips as she raised herself on her elbows to look at you, brushing a piece of hair out of your face before laying back down on the bed, one of her hands under her head.

As you laid there, well-fucked, satisfied and bemused, you wondered how you’d look Sadie in the eyes in the morning, when the effects of alcohol and lust would vanish, and you’d have nowhere to hide as the sun would illuminate every corner of the room. You remembered Dutch’s words, telling all of you to enjoy yourself. “As much as you want,” he specified. You’re not sure if he had this in mind when saying that.

Sadie, however, decided to not wait for the morning and spoke up now, saying, “Might I say that the two of you sure know how to fuck.”

The ease with which she spoke eased your restless nerves, and you felt yourself relax as you laughed at her words. At your side, Arthur couldn’t help but shake his head, a small smirk playing at his lips.

You knew the next morning would still bring the awkward laughs and pink blushes, but you decided you could deal with that later. Right now, you were happy to enjoy the warmness of the two bodies pressed at your sides.

[opalsdarkreadings]

✰𝙅𝙪𝙟𝙪𝙩𝙨𝙪 𝙆𝙖𝙞𝙨𝙚𝙣 𝙢𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙎/𝙊. 𝘽𝙤𝙣𝙪𝙨: 𝙎𝙪𝙠𝙪𝙣𝙖 𝙍𝙮𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙣✰

Pairing: Gojo, Yuji, Fushiguro, Nobara, Sukuna x gender neutral reader

Warning: angst, depression themes, mentions of blood

Notes: I love the smell of saddens and crying in the morining, great starter of the days. lol I hope you all enjoy, there’ll be some grammical errors so please just ignore and I’ll try to fix them when I spot them. And I’m addicted to this series and characters so I’ll be releasing a bunch of others stuff regarding this show soon.

✵𝗴𝗼𝗷𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘂✵

You were going to get up, you always did. The two inseparable prankster would be back at it agian like always. Like old times. You....you were fine

But the pit of his stomach twist and churn, his heart aching with a new found sense of despair. He knew, so why didn’t he just accepted it.

NO! You were going to get up, you just liked to joke around that’s all. So why did he feel a surge of rage so deep, so painful that ach his very core. Even destroying the special grade left nothing but dissatisfaction.

For the first time in his life he felt... hesitant.

Your body unmoving from the blow dealt by the curse demon. The curse being dealt with in seconds afterwards. The stillness felt eery, his heart pounding against his chest as he makes his way to you unmoving body

He crouch and pulled the slik blind off his face, beautiful bright blue eyes scanning over you body. Sadness being reflected in them but he kept that signiature smile of his

“S/o...can you still move?” He asked hoping, silently praying you could at least answer him.

...nothing.

“Cutie-chan~ quit playing around...get up so we can go home....” the weak laugh that left his lips felt more like whimper, as you continue to not answer him.

He doesn’t even know why he’s trying, he should be use to it. He’s lost thousands of friends in battle, time and time agian. One of his students wouldn’t come back, a coworker that didn’t make it, a close friends that died tragically. He’s heard it all.

So why did it hurt so much?...

Droplets fell over you color ridden cheek, you body being lifted into a broad chest. As Satoru buried his face into the crook of your neck, that awful perfume he hate infiltrating his nose, a choked laught left him.

“God I hate that perfum..”

That smile of yours as bright as the evening star, flooded his mind, your words ringing out as he cradled your dead body.

“I know you do, but you still love me~.”

✵𝘆𝘂𝗷𝗶 𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗱𝗼𝗿𝗶✵

That face, you always made that face whenever you did something stupid. Honestly, he couldn’t talk much, seeing on half the crap he’s done was on impulse, however...god you were an idiot.

You Could’ve lived, left him there on the cool slab of the concrete, the beast that was too far over their heads coming his way. He could’ve handled it, Sukuna was a stubborn bastard, but wouldn’t let him die.

You were and utter fool and he cursed about it to this day.

But it all felt like slow motion, the pounding of your footsteps hitting against the ground, his weak shouts trying to get you to go back. The drop in his stomach as that sickening crack echoed out the domain.

There was so much blood, the walls were splattered with it, the floor painted a sea of red, your body nothing more than crushed remembrance of what it used to be.

He’s never felt such a feeling of rage so strong before. All his actions a blur until late on. When he’s bound by a cursed rope and set aside near the school where the cursed demon was located.

A stretcher hauling, what’s once was your body. Your hand peeking out from under the blood covers. That’s all it took for him to lose it.

The rope keeping his struggling body from moving as he sobbed hysterically.

“S/O! S/O! Answer me please..please! Why would you do that?! You’re such an idiot damnit, don’t you dare leave me...you promised.” He fell over the harsh ground, tears cascading down from his cheek to the floor.

Fushiguro and Nobara gazes lowered to the ground. Effectively trying to hold back their friend as your body was carried off.

His sobs turning into quiet whimpers. It dawned on him, he’s was official alone now. You and his Grampa being taken from him unfairly. He had no one, you would never smiles at him agian

Slap his head whenever he got a little to handsy or tease Him relentless when he slipped up and blurtted out random things

Your sweet laugh would be distance memory of the past, something that made his heart squeeze with hurt.

“That’s no fair...it’s not fair.” He mumbles soflty to himself

Sukuna for once, was eerily silent.

✵𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗴𝘂𝗿𝗼 𝗠𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗺𝗶✵

He still couldn’t believe it. It all happened so quickly. One minute you two were sharing a passionate night, basking under the moonlight as you kiss and bodies dance together.

And the next, he’s cradling your bleeding body, words stuck in his throat and horror swirling on his eyes. Trembling hands trying to stop the blood from gushing out from your neck.

The bastard had got away but he could care less. “S-s/o..just...just stay awake for me okay...c-can you do that for me?” His words trembled off his lips, your eyes shifting over to his. The dullness setting in.

Weakly, your fingers brush over his cheek, his hands reaching up and taking hold of them as he kiss over the knuckle. “You’re....you’re gonna be okay! I promise the others are coming.” He hadn’t realized it but tears had already started falling from his eyes.

He was lying out his ass, the culprit behind this, another cursed user, has been terrorizing this part of town for months now. They weren’t letting him getaway, so you’re mostly his responsibility till the aftermath. He knew you didn’t have that long.

He went to move you but you grunt in pain, more blood pooling out from the wound. He cursed and held you on the bloodstained ground.

“I’m sorry...I-I’m so sorry..” he mumbles into your neck, uncaring if his face was stained with blood as his quiet sobs racked his body.

With as much strength you could muster, you raised your hand to be lazily placed over his head and stroked it over it like you always did.

“I...I l-love you..” you whispered to him, your body becoming slack and your hand falling to your side.

He didn’t need to check, he didn’t need to see whatever expression your face was making to know that you were gone. His grip over your lifeless body tightens, his cries reaching into screams.

This felt all too familiar to him.

He wanted to blame you for breaking his defense, to inching so close to his heart. For making him so happy and attached, but he couldn’t lie and say he didn’t enjoy the moments that came with it.

The memories that’ll forever stay replaying like a broken record in his mind. This is why he didn’t try to make friends, he didn’t try to get close, he hated that he loved you so much.

✵𝗡𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗿𝗮 𝗞𝘂𝗴𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗸𝗶✵

Maybe she was too mean to you, not caring enough, She mishandled you to many times, to many fights and arguments over tedious things that should have been left as it was.

Was this her punishment? She allowed for such actions to boil and fester, and now what? A dumb argument over a stupid past that no longer connected to you and the exchange was your life. 

Even though you said you sorry’s, I love you’s, there was still tension before you both part. Nobara saving to say all those mushy things she felt for when you were back in her arms

Oh, the deep regret she felt.

The way her teammates came back quieter than usual and more seemly more sluggish then earlier

“What are you idiots standing like that for, that cursed demon shake you that bad. Hmph, simple enough what would you guys be with me?” She teased her sly smile spreading over her lips before it falter

They didn’t even try to agrue much less protest, they just seem distraught, stunned even. Then I dawned on her, they were missing someone...they were missing you.

“Where’s...where’s s/o?” She asked them soflty. A look of guilt overcame Yuji's features as he fished for something out of his pocket.

Confusion ran across Nobara face before it morphed into horror. A single scrap of a school uniform being held out in his hand.

“We...we couldn’t get their body..” Megumi finished his gaze meeting her’s before falling back to his feet. Fist clenched tightly to his side.

She barely heard anything after that, her eyes fixated on the single scrap of clothing. She inched to Yuji taking it and stroking her thumb over the material.

She bites her bottom lip, this was fates cruels joke. She didn’t deserve you from the beginning, it seems like everywhere she went someone had to leave her.

But why did it have to be violent? Why you out of all people. Maybe she should have told her how much you meant to her.

How much of a rock and pillars you were in this crazy life of hers. A beam of reassurance and love that she could always depend on whenever she needed you.

How does she continue now, that beams were gone, taken from her so harshly. The only things she could cling so desperately to have been the last thing she saw you in.

What a cruel world she lived in.

✵𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐬𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚✵

There was always some form of a catch when it came to huamsn. No relationship or friendship was formed without a common goal or another interest being taken into play.

The sweet smiles, honey-coated words, and gentle touches were always a facade...wasn’t it?

He could care less about what happened to you, what became of you. After all humans are dirty devilish creatures so even more so then cursed beast.

But he didn’t understand... he didn’t understand why he felt such strong stings of anger, sadness, and a bit of shock bubble in him as you push him out the way.

Did you place some sort of technique over him, that made the king of curses catch such disease as emotions? Laced your words and touches with magic that only you could see and undo....no that’s not it.

Possible it was this damn vessel's fault. Always hanging off your words and embraces like a lovesick fool. Opting to distract himself with your praise and love then rather focus on what’s important at hand.

though denying that he didn't enjoy your persevere, from time to time would make the ping of guilt worsen.

Your body hit the floor with a loud thud, the gaping hole through your chest made the anger and feelings of anguish flow in him.

He didn’t even notice when he had taken over Yuji's body, destroying the very thing that took you away from him. The slaughter more animalistic and erratic as his state of sanity seems to be blown out the window.

He cares not for the look of horror and fear that clouded Yuji's teammate's face. Not concerning much of his attention to them, he came over, plucked your dead body from the ground, and disappear.

Appearing back to that place you talked with Yuji so dearly about..what was it again. He couldn’t recall the name, only knowing about the large wisteria trees that guard the scenery. 

“Dumb human...surely foolish beings you are.” He mumbles you head was press into his chest as he looked out from the Cliffs view.

“Look what you have done, making me feeling things for you..” his voice soft as he pushed back small strands from your face. Yuji memories of this morning playing back

“You two better make it out of here alive or I’m kicking both of your butts.” You proclaimed earning a whine from Yuji and scoff from Sukuna as he appeared on the other’s cheek. “Dare I ask how you’ll be able to deafest me, don’t bite more than what you can chew.” He threatens but only succeeded in making you laugh, “Mhm..yeah you’re right I’m just worried about my two favorite boys.” You had told them, leaning in and kissing a flustered Yuji, “I love you both so be safe.” Okay and no stupid actions.” You scolded Yuji plucking the boy's head.

A weak laugh fell off from his lips, “Looks who’s talking, you’re the one that’s gone and died on us..” he spoke aloud. Moving to crouch by the tree and sit your body against the bark.

He let one finger trail over your lips and down your features letting them be engraved in his memory as he gazes down at you.

That disease having still affecting him, even as you lay dead in front of him. These feeling of sadness and heart ach and most of all loneliness suffocating and clawing at his throat

He dare not shed a tear, Yuji would do enough of that for the both of them. Instead, he let his hand gently cup over your cold and colorless cheek. The warmth he remembers oh so clearly, know felt like something that occurs ages ago.

He leans his forehead against yours and shutting his eyes, and allowing Yuji to take control.

You’d never heard him say, though he wished you are hear so he could that dazzling smile as he did

“I love you... S/o.”