#maybe the reason he did it was because of internalized transphobia

[ominouspositivity-or-else]

Dude, you're in idiot. The club q shooter is trying to say he's nonbinary in order to avoid hate crime charges. The people around him have stated that he's gone on multiple homophobic and transphobic rants and that they wouldn't feel safe having a gay person around him. Not that this matters to you, since catholics can't read. But you're an idiot

received first hate mail! all they did was call me an idiot! on anon! and say that Catholics don't know how to read! which is hilarious! considering the reason that we have so many influential philosophical works is because of Catholics and our annoying habit of reading and writing!

[an-au-blog]

Trans (ftm)Sanji who absolutely refuses to sleep with Zoro for multiple reasons. They've been together for a while but he never let's them go further than making out. (because i need to post angst more than I need air)

CW: some sexual themes!!!, body dysmorphia, easting disorder, internalized transphobia, mentioned pregnancy, emotional breakdown

Sanji's main concerns were that: 1. Zoro wouldn't want to be with him because he "wasn't a proper man", 2. he'd treat him differently or 3. he would end up pregnant. That probably terrified him the most. Everything about it was horrifying to him: the idea of carrying a living thing in his body appalled him. And even if he lived through it, he was also scared with how the child would turn out. What if it turned out like him, or even worse - like his biological brothers or father, not to mention it could be physically unwell with how much he smoked.

One day, in the heat of the moment making out, Sanji gets carried away and forgets himself. It was only when Zoro started grinding against him that he started getting nervous again. The swordsman broke the kiss and pulled away a bit. "Is something wrong? he asked, I have a feeling this isn't doing anything for you..."

Sanji realized he was talking about not feeling his erection, and he feels like a moron for letting it get to there. On autopilot he answered "I'm fine, I'm a bit under the weather is all" while lighting a cigarette. He walked out ignoring whatever Zoro tried to tell him and as soon as he was out of sight he rand to a secluded area. Thought started flooding him.

He'll think I'm not attracted to him, and then he'll break up with me, and he'll hate me, he'll find out what I am and he'll hate me, even worse - he'll think less of me, that I'm weak and tell everyone and they'll leave me, or worse.

He doesn't know when he had fallen on the ground but he was rocking himself with half a pack already gone. His vision was blurry. He wanted to scream to rip his throat open and let all the painful noises bubbling inside it. But everyone would hear... they would hear and would hate him for not being what he's supposed to... So he stood there, hoping he doesn't catch a cold, muffling his sobs best he can, and wondering why he couldn't die on that Godforsaken rock when he had the chance.

But he didn't have the power over that. What he did have the power over was his own wretched body that caused him so much pain and what he did with it.

He decided from that day on, he was going to reduce his meals in half. If he became thinner maybe what little was left of his breasts would vanish and at least he wouldn't have to wear something to suppress them. So he did. He did it as subtly as possible. But maybe didn't do it as well as he thought. He realized they might be onto him when Luffy of all people offered him some of his food. Sanji declined and lied saying he had a big lunch, so he's not hungry now. But then the next day Zoro approached him to call him out on his bullshit. He would end up pushing him away eventually, maybe if he started being meaner and more standoffish from now, it would seem less of a problem when Zoro leaves him.

Still, Sanji didn't know how to deflect the accusations, so he did what he did best and agitated him best he could. It led to a fight that Sanji lost. Not eating was more draining than he thought. They would usually tie or at least have someone interfere but he was out in less that five minutes. He was weak. As punishment, he decided he would stop eating dinner altogether.

He was good with food. He's known food all his life, and it's the only thing that he feels like he could control. So at least that, he could do.

[cherry-pop-elf]

Weasley Siblings Reacting To You Coming Out 🏳️‍⚧️ ((Trans Edition))

Some wholesome/projection because wah-! Also reader is under the impression of muggleborn, so muggle ideals would be different from wizards of course

Can he read as Platonic or Romantic! Clause Platonic love is valid af! I see you Ace/Just wanting stuff to not always be sex, folks!

Warnings: Transphobia,bullying ((not from the Weasleys obviously)) anxiety, depression, don’t worry it’s fluff just ya know. It’s scary coming out!

Writing Coms Open

((BTW this was in my drafts, and since Trans Visibility Day was today, it gave me motivation to finish it so let’s go-!))

William ‘Bill’

“Like Tonks-!” You did feel pretty silly, once he said that. Made you wonder why you waited so long. Literally you were friends with a Shapeshifter, so why would you coming out be so different? Oh right, what muggles would do if they knew. “Kinda, minus the whole ya know….Changing on the whim. Wish I could do that-“ You muttered, as Bill would pat your back. The pair of you, ever cozy in the library. Special permission to access the resurrected section, since he was being interned at Gringotts for curse breaking. Meant you had some privacy for such a sensitive topic. “Hey, we can find a way to. Right? It’s magic. I bet you my lucky dagger that the twins probably have something in the works.“ He comforted, and it made you smile. That Bill. Always finding a way to brag about his younger siblings somehow. That was just the cutest thing to you. Just a big brother, finding a way to show off his family. Helped a lot. “Whatever you need, I’ve got you. I know muggles do stuff differently, and a lot isn’t really to positive-“ Bill was the eldest, so it made sense he would be more informed with muggle culture. If his band shirts were to say anything. “Like name changes and stuff. Got a new name you like?” There was something so weird about how casual he was. Just, casual. It was a field, but also felt off. Like something bad should have happened. Maybe it will. Until then, though, you were happy to tell him your new name. “Suits you-!” He smiled that awkward half smile, given the other half didn’t exist anymore. “I like it.” And he was soon ruffling your hair. Older brother habits. They don’t die easy, and you were greatful for it.

Charlie

“Like Tonks-!” Why did you get Déjà vu? You shook it off, before nodding. “Yes, minus the actually changing my gender and stuff.” You clarified, as he multi tasked with the latest baby dragon Hagrid had gotten. Charlie just couldn’t resist, and now you two were stuck in his hut. Hagrid off to find someone to take said dragon, while Charlie treated it like a puppy. Kissing its snout, and making it squeal in utter delight. Despite the slobber, and despite the heat. One of the reason you trusted him with such a secret. His heart was so big, and he held such passion. Not to mention, you hoped he could help you get out of your shell a bit. Such a loud, and proud, man. Also, well, imagine trying to bully someone who’s buddies with the dragon tamer. “Neat-! So do I flip flip between pronouns, like Tonky, or you got new ones-?” You swore he was paying more attention to the dragon, than you. Weirdly, you liked it. He didn’t treat it as life or death, which healed something in you. He didn’t care, but in that good way. That it didn’t change how he saw you. Or, maybe you just asked at the right time. You had to shake his shoulder, to remind him you were still there. You two shared a laugh, as he went on rambling about how beautiful the dragon was, as you were able to relax a little easier.

Percy

“Trans-? Like as in Transfiguration? Finally, actually focusing on your studies.” You were already regretting this. You figured Percy would be someone to confide in, since he was a prefect. You were being bullied by the muggleborns, but the thing is….Hes a pure blood. He didn’t really understand what being trans was. So, you tried to explain. “Percy, they were making fun of me because I was born different.” You tried to explain, as he was starting to pay a bit more attention now. “They saw me going to the bathroom, and immediately threw books at me. It’s not like I don’t mind Moaning Myrtle, but it’s hard to pee with company.” You sniffled, as it was settling in now. “I’m so sorry, I’ll handle this immediately. I….Let’s go take you to the medical wing, to make sure you are patched….Could you explain more to me about this trans thing? Why it makes you different?” It’s a start. He’s willing to learn, and that’s more than so many. That gave you comfort. He’s confused, but willing. With his arm around you, you did your best to wizard it to his language. To get it out of your system, and for once? Percy stayed quiet, and listened. It’s a start, and you couldn’t be happier.

Fred

“Swear you are like the fifth person to tell me that this month-!” He laughed, as you blinked. Despite the prancing dynamic of the twins, they had grown a bit over the years. Suppose the older brother energy they held just drew in comfort. It’s easy to confide in them. They may not act like it, but they can keep a secret. Guess the courtyard was just a hot spot for such. “Wait, why are you telling me this anyway? I knew the moment I met you-!” He snorted, with an elbow nudge to you. Honestly? You were certain he was joking, but you wondered if he did. “About bloody time you figured it out yerself! Not sure how that whole thing works, but I’m sure George and I can brew something up for ya. Need a beard? Or bigger hips? I’m sure we got something-“ That had you roll your eyes. “Sounds like an excuse to turn me into your personal lab rat-“ That had him blink. “The hell is a lab rat?” Right. Pure blood. “I’ll explain it to you later. Just, promise not to tell anyone? I’m….not ready yet.” Fred seemed like he was ready to argue, about needing to just be passionate about who and what you are, but he was hushed. As if he could already hear Molly yelling at him. That was trauma for another occasion. Instead, he made a zipping motion to his lips, and threw away the key. “Thanks.” You smiled, as he gave a thumbs up. Pretending he couldn’t speak at all, and it got you to giggle. Calmed your nerves down just fine.

George

“That’s uh….That thing-! Yeah-!” He bullshitted, but you understood why. He’s the more emotional side of the dynamic duo. So many kids come to them for advice, but more come to George. You would pay a guess that many who went to Fred were actually looking for George, but didn’t realize it was Fred at all. You only managed, because he was wearing his Quidditch Jersey. Least, you think it was his. Shit, was this Fred? Nope, Fred walked by. With Angelina. Phew. “George, do you need me to explain?” You asked, as he rubbed his neck nervously. Embarrassed he wasn’t instantly able to comfort, like it was his only job. “It’s a muggle thing, breathe.” And breathe he did, as he laid back down on the common room couch. With a quick run down, it clicked. He’s an inventor, they are good at thinking outside norms. “Oh! Oh man, that sounds stressful as hell. Hey, anyone starts shit-“ He gave a sharp click with his tongue, and made a shooting motion with his finger. “Consider them chucked into a vanishing closet.” And given he’s a Weasley, you didn’t underestimate him. So, instead, you hugged him. A big, warm, squeeze. Of course, it was returned. Oh those Weasleys.

Ron

“Would you be offended if I go ask Hermione what that means-?” Least he’s honest, and knew better to ask her than anyone else. Hard to ever get alone time with him, as he was glued to her and Harry. Surprised to catch him alone, for once, and took the chance while you could. Now to just look at your breakfast plate, nervous. “I’ll just explain it, the best I can.” You sighed, as you saw Ron wince a little. Feeling he did something wrong. “It’s a muggle thing-“ You quickly said, as he breathed a little easier. A few nervous gulps of juice, and many confused brows, it clicked. "Woah, that sounds terrible. I rememberer when Harry and i had to drink a polyjuice potion. we were still the same gender, and all, but my skin just felt so wrong. Everything was wrong. was just a suit, and i wanted to peel it off. Even if it hurt." You had to stare. That was just so accurate to how you felt. Your eyes watered. “Did I say something wrong, again-? I’m sorry about-“ But you hugged him, with your eyes in his shoulder. Don’t get Ron started on how many times he’s had to be the shoulder for Harry. So, like a time turners clockwork, he held you back. Comforting you. Someone got it.

Ginny

“Think I’m that to-“ Ginny said, as you two just laid in the grass. Just trying to relax, from a long school day. “Like, maybe it’s just because I was raised by a bunch of brothers. Just, being JUST a girl feels weird. Like I’m more than that, I’m not JUST that. Maybe I’m feeling something else entirely. Never been the same, after that book.” She admits, ready to stress her out all over again. Voldemort did a number on her. What a way to start Hogwarts. Damn. “Well, maybe don’t think about it too hard. It’s both super complicated, but not at the same time. It’s more a feeling than anything else. You can be born it, or maybe over time it changes. Maybe by tomorrow you feel something else. Then, the next day it changes.” You tried to explain, as you watched the clouds. “Yeah, like magic.” She agreed, as she looked to her broomstick next to her. Thinking back to her childhood. “Maybe I am a guy, but Mum being so excited to have a girl just….Made me feel like I HAD to be….” God was that relatable. “Trans buddies?” You asked, and offered a hand. In a playful solidarity. You figured that would comfort her, or maybe now he. “Yeah, Trans buddies.” Ginny smiled, as you shared hands. “Jean sounds nice.” Ginny said. “Jean does sound nice.” You agreed.

[barclaysangel]

The Birth of Jun (transfem Juniper Wheeler AU)

I literally wrote this within about 5 hours, which is crazy. I lost sleep just to finish this to make sure it’ll be posted by morning. I’m still nervous to post it since this is my first time writing for this AU and I just hope y’all like it. If you guys do, then MAYBE I’ll write a second part where Jun gets the name Juniper. Maybe.

Anyway, this is setting in the Final Family/Chucky season 2 rewrite AU where Jun survives and lives with Andy in the middle of the woods, torturing and killing Chuckys together. Because canon does not exist to me, obviously. I’ve written drabbles/oneshots about this AU before and this is just another one but with transfem Juniper.

If you guys really do like this, pls leave comments, it insanely fuels my motivation! I thrive off it and I’ll also appreciate some feedback since this is my first time writing a trans character.

Thank you and enjoy :)

Tags: @the-carlos-cow-eyes @erasedmystic111 @streets-in-paradise

Word count: 2.5K

Warnings: Internalized transphobia, mentions of suicidal ideation, cursing

There was something wrong with Junior. 

That much she had always known, ever since she could remember. She wanted to be a princess, not a prince. A mermaid, not a merman. She wanted to be something that she could never be. 

But Junior hid it for so long, and she hid it well. She buried that part of herself so deep down that no one would ever suspect it growing up. She became the perfect “masculine, traditional son” that her father wanted. She destroyed every single part of herself and burnt it all to the ground just to please him. 

And even though she killed her own father, she still would have done it all over again. 

Gods, she was pathetic. Pathetic and stupid and dirty and broken. 

Despite Junior’s efforts to hide her dirty little secret from the world, she still had moments where it would bubble and come up again. The dysphoria with her short hair, flat chest, and other features that just didn’t feel right. It would be bad enough at times where she wanted to curl into a ball and cry all the fucking time. 

But she would have no choice but to pull herself together and keep up the act, just like she always did. 

However, this moment wasn’t like the other moments with her father. It wasn’t him she had to worry about, but Andy. 

Andy wasn’t like her father at all. He was patient, understanding, and kind. Her father would be ashamed if Junior ever cried in front of him and tell him to “Stop being a pussy and pull yourself together, you’re a man!”, but Andy would hold her in his arms and comfort her. He had been there through every mental breakdown, depressive episodes, nightmares, moments of self-destructive tendencies, all of it. 

Andy stayed right by her side and never budged despite how much Junior tried to push him away. She pushed and pushed and pushed but he never stayed away through it all. 

Junior wasn’t used to that. When she pushed people away and burned bridges to the ground, it stayed that way. Just look at her relationship with Jake. But Andy refused to be pushed away and has made it very clear to her that he wasn’t planning to go anywhere. 

Yet that still didn’t reassure her for some reason. It still filled her with so much fear if Andy ever looked too hard and realized just how broken and defective she really was. 

So once again, Junior hid it. She hid her secret under lock and key and made sure to keep her masculine act on display. 

But then the dysphoric moment hit hard, harder than before, and she wanted to die. 

Junior didn’t want to leave her cot. Her appetite was long gone. She just tried to bury herself deep into her blankets and hoped that one of the Chuckys she and Andy had been torturing could escape and stab her to death, finally finishing his job that he failed to do months ago. 

Andy had been no stranger to her being depressed. They had been staying at that small cabin for almost 5 months, it was now the beginning of April. Sometimes he would give Junior some space if she truly needed it but most of the time, he would be there to offer her food and water and just an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. He hardly left her alone when she got like this. 

She didn’t blame him. Andy was probably worried that she would take one of his guns and end it all. 

Not like that idea wasn’t tempting. 

But right now, Junior wanted to be alone. She wanted to forget that the weather was getting warmer, which would make her have to ditch the hoodies and reveal the parts of herself that she hated. She just couldn’t bear to go through this, she would much rather hide away for hours or even days. Just as long as she would feel just slightly normal again. 

However, she never really was that lucky. 

“Junior?” She heard after the three light knocks, shuddering deeply and tearing up from the sound of her own name, like something about it was just wrong. “Can I come in?”

Curse Andy for respecting her privacy and boundaries. Logan would just barge in without a warning. Despite everything she was feeling, she still managed a small “Uh huh…” to placate him since she knew he would just be more worried if she refused. 

Andy opened the door slowly and she could smell why. Even without moving from her position under the blankets, she could smell the food that Andy was bringing in. When he stood beside her cot, Junior lowered the blankets enough to see the plate of scrambled eggs and toast in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. Normally that would make her mouth water but this time, it made her stomach churn. 

“I know you may not feel like eating right now, but I can’t let you go the whole day without something in your system. Can you try to eat something please?” Andy spoke gently to her, placing the plate and the mug on the floor beside the cot. 

Junior merely shook her head slightly. “I’ll eat later. ‘M not hungry.” She mumbled before putting the pillow from under her head now on top of her face. 

Andy sighed quietly but instead of leaving, he sat down on the edge of the cot. “Kid, I can’t let you starve. I’m not asking you to finish off the plate, but just have a few bites with your coffee. Please?” 

She didn’t say anything this time, her silence was enough of an answer. 

“Junior, c’mon,” She shivered and squeezed her eyes shut when Andy said her name again, “I know you’re not in the mood but you’re gonna just make yourself feel worse. Remember what happened a few weeks ago?” 

She wished she couldn’t. Going nearly the entire day without eating only to almost binge afterwards, resulting in her throwing her guts up. But Andy was with her the whole time, rubbing her back and keeping an arm around her so she would stay supported rather than to fall face first into her own vomit from exhaustion along with cleaning her up afterwards once she was finished hurling and crying. 

No matter what, Andy stayed with her through everything. 

Imagine if he found out you thought you were a girl, Junior thought bitterly to herself, He’d despise you and leave you then without a doubt. 

She stiffened briefly when she felt a hand on her ankle from over the blankets before recognizing Andy’s touch, relaxing just slightly. “Do you wanna talk about it?” 

Junior quickly shook her head from under the pillow. She couldn’t, she absolutely couldn’t. For the first time, she didn’t want to ruin something good. She already felt like she was one wrong move from spilling it all. 

She just needed to keep her mouth shut and hold it all in. She could do it, she’s been doing it her entire life. She can keep going. 

Andy gave her a gentle and reassuring squeeze to her ankle. “Okay. I just want you to know that I’m here if you do want to talk. I don’t need to talk, I can just listen to as much as you need me to. Alright, Junior?” 

Junior winced and wasn’t able to swallow down the whimper this time, which immediately got Andy’s attention. 

“Hey, kiddo, what’s wrong?” She couldn’t see his face but she knew that he would be wearing that concerned frown, the one where he genuinely acted worried for her. 

Junior shook her head again, keeping her eyes closed because she knew she would break down and cry. Andy needed to leave now before she would completely lose her mind. 

The hand on her ankle moved to her back, rubbing small circles there to comfort her. “Junior?” 

“Stop…” 

Andy paused from his motions. “What?” 

“Stop…calling me that!” Junior didn’t know why but it was like something shattered inside of her, like the dam in her finally broke. 

She ripped the pillow off of her head and bolted upright, the suddenness making Andy back up slightly. “I have tried so fucking hard to be Junior! To be the perfect son Junior. The cross-country star Junior. The strong and masculine Junior. I have ripped myself to shreds and molded myself to be what everyone else wanted me to be! But for what? It’s not fucking worth it because I’m not! I’m not Junior! I’m not a boy! I’ve tried so fucking hard but I’m not, I just keep trying and trying but nothing fucking works anymore! I’m so sorry but that isn’t me, this fucking isn’t me! I’m too broken and fucked up to be Junior and to be a fucking boy!” 

Junior didn’t realize she was screaming until she finally stopped, her voice hoarse. And no one said a word. Andy stared at her with wide eyes and an unreadable expression as reality slowly settled in. 

Oh fuck…what did I just do?

She started shaking, her breathing picked up and she hid her face in her hands, sobbing. “I-I’m sorry, I d-didn’t mean it, I was l-lying, I-I-I…” for some reason, now she couldn’t even get the words out after everything from how hard she was hyperventilating. 

Congratulations, you fucking idiot. You really did it now. You ruined it. Now Andy will think you’re disgusting. He’ll hate you. He’ll throw you out and finally leave you alone, just like you deserve, you pathetic piece of sh–

Andy’s hands went around Junior’s body, pulling her closer to him carefully until her cheek was pressed to the crook of his neck, one hand now rubbing her back up and down soothingly. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, breathe. Take some deep breaths, kiddo. Just follow my breathing, okay? Breathe…” 

She was shaking through her sobs, her hands clinging onto Andy’s shirt tightly in her fists. His other hand went up to cradle the back of her head so softly as if she was something gentle and precious to him. Junior could hardly breathe but Andy kept guiding her, speaking to her kindly until she was able to finally pull in deep breaths with his help. 

They barely spoke, with Junior crying and Andy whispering reassurances to her. When she started to calm down, she didn’t move, she felt too mortified. It felt like one wrong move, and Andy would finally turn her away. 

“Kiddo?” He finally spoke, “Do you remember what I’ve always told you? About what I want for you?” 

Junior sniffled, still crying but not nearly as badly while holding onto Andy’s shirt still for dear life. “For…for me t-to be a kid…” 

“Yeah, that too. But what else?” 

She thought about it longer this time, hesitating. “…that you-you want me to be h-happy…” 

Andy moved away just slightly, making her whimper again but instead he adjusted himself to fully face Junior and hold her face in his hands. “Exactly. I care about you, kid. I’ve had since the moment you basically passed out on my doorstep. All I want is for you to be happy. And if being a boy doesn’t make you happy…then stop trying. Stop putting yourself through that pain, okay? Just…just be yourself.” 

He was looking at her so seriously yet so gently, as if all that mattered in that moment was her. Unshed tears began building up again in her eyes and Andy continued speaking. “I mean it. I will never judge you for who you are. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere just because you aren’t a boy. I swear on the River Styx.” 

That oath meant more to Junior than any other sort of promise. It was an oath from Percy Jackson, and really any kind of Greek mythology. They both knew how serious that oath was. And for that reason, it was what gave her the push that she needed to finally come out. 

“Andy…I…I’m a girl…” her voice was tiny but it was still enough for Andy to hear, starting to cry again but he pulled her back into a hug. 

“It’s okay, I’ve got you…” He reassured her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “I’m so fucking proud of you, kiddo. I promise I am. I know this wasn’t easy for you, I can’t even begin to imagine how long you’ve felt like this but never said anything. So thank you for telling me. I’m proud of you.” 

Junior cried a little harder at that, still not entirely used to having someone tell her that they were proud of her. But this time, the tears were more of relief and she just completely leaned against him. 

Never in her life did she ever think she’d actually come out and tell someone this secret. She just thought she had to fight the feeling down further and further until it disappeared or it just ended up killing her. 

But no. She lost it and everything spilled out. But…it didn’t end up badly like she thought it would. 

Andy accepted her. He accepted her without another thought. Strong and tough and badass Andy accepted her and told her that he was proud of her for coming out. 

This felt almost like a dream, something too good to be true for Junior. 

“So…I suppose you don’t want to be called by that name anymore, right?” Andy asked and she nodded in response, gripping onto his shirt again. “Okay. Is there…another name I can call you? It doesn’t need to be your permanent name, it could be like a…placeholder. Just something temporary until you can figure out a name that makes you feel like you.” 

She didn’t say anything for a moment, thinking long and hard before settling on something simple. “Maybe just…Jun. For now. Jun. Without an E at the end.” 

Andy nodded and lightly leaned his cheek to her head. “Jun without an E at the end, got it.” 

Jun could practically hear the smile on Andy’s face and lazily hit his side with the back of her hand. “You’re a dork…” 

“Yeah, yeah I am. But so are you, so…” Andy poked Jun’s side, making her giggle before she yawned, her dysphoric episode and breakdown now tuckering her out. 

“You tired, kiddo?” He asked and she yawned again while nodding, not moving from her position. 

“Can I just…stay here? For a bit? Please?” Jun asked quietly and almost immediately, his hand went up to her hair and stroked her hair softly, causing her to close her eyes. 

“Sure you can. And I’ll stay right here with you too. But as soon as you wake up and get hydrated, you need to eat, okay?” Andy told her, accepting his fate to have Jun fall asleep on his shoulder. 

She nodded, yawning once more as a sense of pure peace and bliss filled her. She knew she was safe now. Nothing would happen to her. 

“Thank you Andy…” Jun murmured under her breath. 

Just before she could drift off, she felt Andy kiss her forehead, one hand playing with her hair and the other being secured around her body. “Anytime. Goodnight, Jun.” 

[jenyifer]

The Trainee Ep 2 initial reaction

Slight disclaimer I did watch the episode 1/4 3/4 because YouTube is a cruel mistress and I’m dumb lmao. But I assume if anyone has seen my watching series you’d know I don’t really offer much of intellect anyways sooooo

Let’s get on to the photo review

Quick note here Ryan is a lot more relatable believable character to me in comparison to Chef Prem? I think it’s good writing and set in these scenes with Ryan at his dad’s shop really do a lot to establish who he is as a person. We can see his family circle is hard working and maybe isn’t the best with their feelings. We still see Ryan’s family does take care of each other in important ways and understands to some extent. Also very relatable to be a recent grad with no direction or going to university without passion because you know your family needs you. Idk I like Ryan. He’s not quirky for quirky sake. He’s believably broken in predictable ways.

Ugh couples are the worst. Also performative gestures like this are so stupid now you might say it’s comedy. However I’ve enjoyed a couple office romance interns edition and it’s ways sickening. Just like highschool sweethearts that kind of sweet where they are blind or trying to make others jealous because of their own inadequacies with themselves

I’ll say this it is good for new members of staff to learn to speak their mind quickly because if they don’t contribute you are missing out on new ideas and eyes. Also Jane/Off is so handsome my brain would definitely malfunction. A person in control who knows what he wants 🥵 sexy. Also Off’s irration just scratches a good itch in my brain makes me think of Sean 😩😩

A very important bonding activity converting the non nerds to the joys of Harry Potter and other pop culture. A dance as old as time. My older coworkers try to get everyone to watch their pop culture references too. It’s really an unspoken office life normality. I really wasn’t expecting so many references though. But I still love Harry Potter because idk I see the good parts of the story and adore it. Yes yes I can now see the racism and the transphobia (the dream of Malfoy’s cronies turning into girls) also preachiness about sexism when needed. But I also see the fandom that raised me. The various queer friends I met because of my love of the boy who lived. Something I won’t have had in Mississippi. The books that always comforted me since I was 6 years old quoting the first book. the theme parks that still take my breath away when I go to visit Universal Orlando on the weekends. The queer and loving people who work there and are all too happy to make a child’s dream come true or adult look in wonder at something they have missed. (Sorry for the tangent)

Oh no it’s Gun’s arguably greatest talent crying in character. I felt like I could feel the fear and panic building in Ryan to this point which… if you aren’t crying in the first several days at your big kid job because you feel like an imposter who can’t do shit and will never be trusted? I can’t relate to you. Hell I got a new job a couple months ago. For a month I cried most days when I got home because I felt so awful about my capabilities even though I’ve worked 7 years in my field. It’s normal. Also Jane being shocked by this is hilarious you aren’t telling me he hasn’t broken someone down into tears before.

Oh no here it is folks Jane just enjoying Ryan’s energy and believing in him for no reason. Gun’s tears are very potent and can melt any wall I’m surprised Jane isn’t pulling him in for hugs.

Jane trying his best to keep Ryan without directly forcing him to stay was masterful as a boss. As a Simp it could use work but it’s a start put the ball in Ryan’s court with hope. Jane wants Ryan to grow and experience life which is good as a boss.

Awwwwwwwwww happy gunnie/ryan he’s so tired and anxious now he’s found solace in Jane’s words nothing can bring him down. He’s precious someone put him in my pocket.

[elderwisp]

hii 8 and 12 for kai and gum I'm curious about her👀

hi hi :D Yippie! Asks for Gum! <3

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

♡ Kai gets pulled in different directions when it comes to his orientation. Between not vocalizing how he feels about his friend and having to hide his identity from his family, feeling conflicted and somewhat gloomy is constant. As for Gum, yes but it's more like finding a safe space to be able to do that. She doesn't really feel comfortable being public about her identity simply because it pulls attention. However, if she has say Ares or Gabriel around, she feels a little more inclined to do so because she knows they'll keep her safe.

12. Does/did your oc ever wish they could change the way they are? Why? If it's in the past, how did they get over the feeling? (this can be about internalized homo/transphobia)

♡ Kai for sure wishes he could change things but that stems more from the internalized homophobia from attending church for such a long time. His fear of being rejected is what keeps him pushing his identity into hiding. Gum on the other hand doesn't wish she could change her identity but she wishes that she could change the way people view it. She knows that there's a severe misunderstanding of being a lesbian. Like there's men who think that maybe she hasn't found the one and terrible things like that.

[thegeminisage]

it's star trek update time. last night* we watched, well,

pics taken moments before disaster ^

sighing deeply. ok. *i'm typing this at fuck o clock so technically it was earlier today but this post will go up while i'm at work. anyway here we go:

dark page (tng):

i don't want to talk about it.

rules of acquisition (ds9):

me having to watch this after dark page must count as some kind of cruel and unusual punishment

i was hoping ds9 could make me like the ferengi. i think whoever wrote this episode was trying. dax's little pro-ferengi speech. sure. and here's this ferengi woman, fighting for acceptance and change in her own way. yeah. fine.

unfortunately i think the episode undercut its own message a little in two ways: firstly, by having kira and dax getting groped nonstop without kira getting to break any fingers. like, non-ferengi women won't and shouldn't tolerate that, but for some reason in this episode they do...? i was especially steamed on kira's behalf; at least dax didn't seem to care as much. like, shouldn't the point be that that behavior is UNacceptable, instead of "oh it's not so bad once you get to know them"? and secondly, i think the impact pel made on odo was a little understated. the only real hint we got at him seeing a new way of things vs just him trying to protect himself was him offering pel the money to start a new life with, for free. you could tell because of his acting chocies there was a lot happening under the surface - like, he's always trying to get his own ass out of the fire, but he seemed protective of PEL rather than his own interests in several scenes there, particularly ditching his bar - but we didn't get to see most of the stuff that could ACTUALLY have been interesting bc we were too busy watching the nagus feel people up and eat bugs ha ha quirky fun! now THERE'S a guy that belongs on tng! extremely unendearing. you can win me over to um. some characters. but not this guy.

i was VERY surprised they let quark and pel kiss when quark was under the impression pel was a dude. not only was it a really funny "i thought i was GAY ping" moment, it also feels weirdly...progressive...? for 1993. along with dax assuming pel's in love with quark while ALSO still assuming pel is a guy. even though they kind of ruined it later

actually, the more i think about it the more pel reads as a trans man. is it right to categorize someone as trans when really they're just trying to get out of horrifically oppressive gender roles? maybe not, but the way quark managed to be super homophobic and misogynistic to pel at the same time ("you didn't kiss me" ok self-gaslighting king) feels so much like transphobia, and the way quark utterly rejected pel because of what she (he?) IS even despite the bond and chemistry they'd formed, AND dax, also trans, seemed to clock pel pretty quickly as being Some Kind Of Queer Like Me...i am Seeing

like, pel is all, hey we can run away together! fuck gender roles, who cares if i wear clothes! and quark is straight up like I Would Care. his internalized Whatever is keeping him from being happy with someone he clicked with, whether that's for a single night or an entire lifetime. there WAS a queer theme here. it was almost more about being queer than it was about sexism, except it wasn't actually about either of those because they fumbled the landing a little bit plus i feel like some censorship was probably happening and so the whole thing wound up being muddy. i did like quark's lisa simpson stare at the end though. girl, mood

TONIGHT: tng's "attached" and ds9's "necessary evil" I KNOW IT'S AN ODO EPISODE i'm very excited

[ftmcutiepie]

when you say you kind of get gender euphoria from this, is that to say like the /mis/gendering actively implies its incorrect? or that its like being a feminine masculine person? i guess this is asking whether girl is a modifier or a noun for you

Pretty much yes.

I've seen it phrased this way before and it always resonated with me, so yeah, kinda the whole point of my misgendering kink is that it's /mis/gendering, and in that way it's kinda paradoxically validating if that makes sense.

I'm not 100% sure what you mean with the second question, but I'll just dump my thoughts on it / gender roles/expression I guess under the cut lol.

Sooo I think one of the main reasons why I have this kink is that I've always been more traditionally "feminine" than stereotypically "masculine", and that caused some insecurity/internalized transphobia for me.

Like, I felt like I didn't have the "right" to call myself a real man, that I must be non-binary because a real man wouldn't xyz.

I never like actually believed that anyone (else) needed to be a certain way to be a "real man", I know that's bullshit, I just struggled with that stuff relating to MYSELF, if that makes sense.

Over time, I overcame those "self-doubts" and realized I'm literally just a binary trans guy and only really comfortable with he/him pronouns - maybe he/they if another trans person uses those pronouns for me, but my mother tongue doesn't really have gender-neutral pronouns so it's not really relevant IRL.

BUT I'm still insecure about OTHER PEOPLE not seeing/accepting me as a "real man" because I'm trans and not stereotypically masculine.

So for me this kink is a way to

a) kinda explore my "femininity" in a sexy way to make in fun and kinda "reclaim" it in a way

b) deal with those anxieties, being called a fake boy and a girl, literally being told I'm not/will never be a "real man" in a safe environment where it's all fun and pretend and like I said, because I ask to be misgendered and people respond by calling me a girl, that means I'm actually a boy, yk?

But yeah like I do have traditionally "feminine" traits and I do enjoy wearing feminine clothes not just in a sexual way, that's why I like the term femboy (feminine boy) for myself.

Sorry maybe I am stupid but I'm not sure what you mean with the third question either😅

Like, a noun can be a modifier?😅

I guess in the term ftm girl "ftm" modifies "girl". I'm a girl that's ftm. Paradoxical, isn't it? That's why I'm not a (cis) girl.

I'm like those shitposts(?) that are like "I'm like if a boy was a girl". But not in a non-binary way. More in a gendernonconforming way. Like a femboy.

I do feel like trans men can - and I do - have a specific "relationship" to femininity that most other people, specifically cis ones don't have.

Like, I'm a guy, I came out because there was no way I could be happy living as a girl/woman. But, at least for me, "girlhood"/"womanhood" wasn't always some dysphoric nightmare, I did enjoy parts of it. That doesn't make me a woman, but at the same time, I shouldn't have to give up "femininity" just because I'm a guy. Still, many people do believe that there are right and wrong ways to be a certain gender, and trans people already are on thin fucking ice just for being trans. God forbid they don't adhere to gender roles and cissexist standards to a T😂

I guess, this is just me having fun with my gender (expression). Sometimes a boy can "be a girl" (= enjoying femininity I guess) without that having any impact on his actual gender identity (= actually being a girl).

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Andrew Doyle: For those who don't know your experience, it'd be quite good if you could just briefly explain to us what happened to yourself.

Ritchie Herron: Sure. I transitioned as an adult at the age of 26 and at the gender clinic. I think my first appointment was January 2015 after a 15 month wait and the first question I got asked by the psychiatrist was, do I want surgery. To which I responded, no, I think I wanted some therapy.

So, funnily enough, they gave me therapy at the gender clinic. Now, I say therapy - it's gender affirmation therapy. So, any doubt I had was managed, and I was introduced to concepts like internalized transphobia, cis-sexism, and any sort of doubt that I had I had to bring to the table.

But once I had that initial diagnosis of transsexualism, I was essentially told that everything is all related to trans. There's no possible that it's related to anything else. I brought up the concept of my obsessive thoughts, I've diagnosed with OCD since before I entered the clinicm the possibility of autism, and I was told at the very beginning that, no, you can be trans and have OCD.

But when I actually had the surgery in 2018, after rejecting it several times, I told them immediately I regretted it and I was told it was because of the OCD.

So, it felt like I was in this impossible scenario with the gender clinic that I was the one who was doing the questioning, quite rightly, because as Bob said, it is patient-led and so it should remain like that, but if I'm presenting a doubt then then I think that should be heard probably.

And also, we need to really talk about the pathway to surgery. So, you don't get any information at the gender clinic about surgery. They don't give you any videos, they don't give you any sort of interactions with others who have got it. For instance, i heard about another clinic that, in their pre surgery group, they introduced people who had had surgery, and the referral list for surgery dropped dramatically, when people realised what it's like living like this, and it is very, very difficult. You only hear the positives.

Doyle: Could you maybe tell us some of your experiences of having surgery, and I know that you've said that you regret the surgery that you've had. Could you maybe tell us a bit about that?

Herron: Sure, so I had what's called a penile inversion with scrotal graft, which sounds a lot more horrific than bottom surgery, or GRS or SRS, because everything gets fluffed up with this language, which is a big part of the problem.

But essentially, what that means is my testicles were removed and my penis was inverted, muscles were torn away, and I've now got a cavity in my crotch that is called a neo-vagina. I knew it was irreversible at the time, but I was -- I had a lot of red flags, shall we say, which is one of the reasons why I'm bringing them to task.

And I think when you sit outside and you're thinking, well, why did you do it in the end, which is a justified question, but when you've got somebody who's very vulnerable, as Bob was saying, where you've got this idea that this will, sort of, make things better, and quite frankly, I was a little bit delusional as well with what it was going to do, because I wasn't given the information to make that real informed choice. I was just told that if you don't get it now, you might not be able to get it in a few years anyway, because the wide rumours about the services closing, wide rumours about surgeons retiring, and we keep getting told that they were the best surgeon ever.

==

Ritchie was in his 20s. There's a lot of talk about protecting kids, but adults need to be protected from this model too.

It's a standard trope of genderists to turn around and say to detransitioners like Ritchie, well, he has only himself to blame, he knew what he was getting himself in to, and bleat "informed consent" as a magical shield of protection. None of them can actually tell you what "informed consent" actually means, or how what these people experienced actually qualifies as "informed consent" -- mostly because they won't listen to them in the first place.

However, every apologetic they offer is always accidentally an argument against these practices.

[gerrydefault]

You are spreading misinformation too I think, Imane Khelif was NEVER banned from the Olympics, for the IOC her testosterone levels have always been in the norm, at Tokyo she lost in the quarterfinals against a cis woman that ALSO had normal levels of testosterone (and lost very badly too, 5-0). She WAS banned from the world championship, and even then, she was not banned for her testosterone levels, but for "arbitrary reasons". Now, if you followed boxe, you would know how much of a bad reputation the IBA (a racist and bigoted association) has. (You can read their statements here: https://www.iba.sport/news/statement-made-by-the-international-boxing-association-regarding-athletes-disqualifications-in-world-boxing-championships-2023/ and here IOC response to the fact https://x.com/iocmedia/status/1819068761787244959?t=-PUHH5YmhoGFK2jFdpsRYw&s=19).

Andrey (and I was a big fan of his) spread transphobic rethoric AND misinformation, using transphobic talking points (men enter women spaces saying they're trans and make them unsafe, trans-inclusivity could lead to pedophilia) contributing to the hate campaign towards a WOMAN who did NOTHING WRONG. A hate campaign that could become VERY dangerous for her real fast, considering the extremely homophobic and transphobic country she lives and practices in. There is no excuse and I hope he, at the least, acknowledges the misinformation he spread.

nice to see another boxe fan I guess, I am 99% sure I am not spreading misinformation hopefully

I remember the whole tokyo accident and the following allegations from the indian times, covering the fact and claiming the allegations about testosterone (they posted this article yesterday with basically also the old info attached)

“Khelif is a renowned boxer who earned a silver medal at the 2022 world championship of the IBA. The same organisation banned her from last year's women's world boxing championship in New Delhi, India, due to alleged excessive testosterone levels.

She was surprisingly banned a few hours ahead of her scheduled gold medal battle against Yang Liu of China. However, Yang Liu's bronze medal was also taken away after she failed to meet IBA's eligibility test, which prevents athletes with XY chromosomes from competing in the women's category”

and I will had this part too:

“The disqualification, in Khelif's opinion, was a plot to stop an Algerian boxer from winning. According to the IOC, Khelif was disqualified because of high testosterone levels.”

I do unfortunately know about the immense racism going around this field, and reading the link you provided me it’s even worst for the most part, however the fact that her testosterone levels are higher doesn’t mean she can’t lose against a woman with hormonal balance if this is what you are trying to say about the (5-0) loss, both Yang and Khelif took the test again for this year olympics and the testosterone levels where the same always higher than normal

“Lin Yu-ting and Khelif were allowed to compete this year because IOC's regulations allow the admission of athletes with gender diversity and DSDs (differences of sexual development)”

(to be honest a girl wrote me that Khelif was taking supplements or medications to lower her hormonal issue but frankly I couldn’t find not a singular proof of that so I guess it’s not real or ??)

I already uncovered the andrey situation in another anon ask, and how the majority tends to believe media (because supposedly they should provide us with the truth) and the whole please let’s keep in mind he is russian thing, about you saying he is spreading transphobia??? it might be me but I don’t see it??? maybe you are talking about the “a woman should not compete against a man who think he is a woman” sort of thing to which I understand your logic and how you might feel about it, however I guess it was just the heat of the movement because his main focus truly was to talk about violence and how he can’t stand that, also let me clarify I am not saying that he is a trans rights supporter or stuff like this, he is probably not and like a lot of things very neutral about it, I know that it will sound like a mantra but guys…. he is russian in russia people with lgbtq+ community are considered criminals, you have to think he grow up with that sort of upbringing should never forget that people there are not free to think the way western people are, and he is self aware of it and never spoke about certain topics until yesterday were his main focus wasn’t the””” trans woman””” herself but the supposed injustice Angela Carini went through , it has been years of me listening to his interviews and he just can’t stop yapping about peace and justice, it’s just his thing. the only transphofian here is Carini herself but this is another story.

(he probably will not acknowledge that until all the medias gonna start saying something about it because as I said before he doesn’t search for stuff) however I don’t think he is transphobic that just wasn’t the main point in his statement.

(also I tend to use newspaper such as hindustan times, Ansa, Gazette ecc for both university and writing works because they are a-political and the most of them are independent so I am pretty sure about the info given by them ofc nobody is 100 but the universal truth is yet to be found)

[errorpedia]

3 + 12 darius kicks feet

oh buddy doing this with farefair is gonna be so fun these men have no religious trauma whatsoever

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

See the thing is he would never answer that question of his own free will (except maybe by the epilogue), but the answer is probably a mix of both? he'll have a feeling something is wrong before he runs away, but it's in his first life (before he has to run away again) that he really realises it. he has the tendency to just ghost whoever his crush is if/when that happens, and avoid friends and relationships as much as possible just so "it hurts less" when he inevitably has to leave, and that's because in his first life, he very much did not do that :) oh boy i sure hope he doesn't miss his first relationships and friendships and-

12. Does/did your oc ever wish they could change the way they are? Why? If it's in the past, how did they get over the feeling? (this can be about internalized homo/transphobia)

Man. I wonder how Darius feels about falling in love with a man

Short version: motherfucker hates it. Reason: 1900 England. Bonus: Percival is obviously madly in love with another man.

[flipwizardstarlight]

Harry Potter, quite literally, saved my life. Im gonna write an essay about it one day, about the literal hell i walked through for my entire childhood. About the undiagnosed major depression and anxiety disorders, about the unnoticed Autism/adhd (honestly im not sure which it is at this point) and the blatantly ignored chronic migraine. About the internalized homophobia and transphobia that had me feeling literally broken.

One day. Maybe i will even write a book about it.

And literally inextricably entwined with it all is the driving force keeping me alive: that if harry and hermione and ron could do it, so could i.

Who i am, the kindness i practice and the people i love and the way i see the world, is inextricably linked to the world Harry Potter showed me.

It makes me sick to my stomach to see the ways her politics have twisted what i have always seen in Harry Potter. It was a story about an abused and lonely boy (about me) who learned kindness despite all odds, who learned it and chose it at every possible turn, and in the end his kindness and compassion are what enabled him to triumph.

I literally taught myself to accept peopke for who they are by reading thise books.

And it makes my stomach turn too because so much of the context in which she published those has been lost in the discussions about her recent politics. She wasn't always a terf! I will scream it for the rest of my life because she WASNT LIKE THIS before and the most (i hesitate to call them bad faith because if she wrote those books now it wouldnt be bad faith to read them the way everyone seems to now, but at the time it would have been) discussion about the books i see is written as though she was secrectly a biggot the whole time, when she *wasnt*. She is a white, british woman, no she wasnt perfect and yes there are unconcious thinks in it that are hurtful to marginalized people, but at the time they were not on purpose. They were the result of her inability to (even know to) look for those things. At the time, i firmly believe that if she had know she needed to she would have tried to educate herself to eliminate those.

The whole reason she ended up a terf is because when she did start to see the criticisms of her unconcious biases there was a lot of vitrol and the terfs in her life jumped on her hurt feelings and used it to recruit her. It isnt the fault of the people mad, dont misunderstand me, the vitrol was not the reason she ended up a terf, the terf recruiting methods were.

At the time, dumbledore being gay was her attempt to make it so that "the greatest man alive" who literally represented all the good in the world was supposed to be inclusize. Goblins were likely just a folk tale creature that she grew up hearing about, not a pointed attack on jewish people. House elves were likey a (very clumsy and very bad) attempt at adding more moral neutrality to her very black and white world. She came from a place of neutral privilege where a lot of the things people point out now as evil and wrong were not at all things she even once considered.

She wasnt always actively engaged in hurting people.

And none of this is to defend her actions now! It just compounds the greif i feel and the anger i am trying to fight because at their core, those books were written as children's books about the perseverance of people and the power of kindness and friendship.

At their core, the original series was supposed to uplift, and god did they do that for so many people. Harry was supposed to be good, he was good, and he saved my life.

He helped me build myself, and now i feel tainted because of how she has twisted herself and his world.

I still love him. God i love Harry Potter so much my chest hurts about it sometimes. That series means the world to me and nothing will ever change that. I just wish i could feel it without the pressing greif that is causes me.

What makes JKR's shitshow even harder to process is that she didn't just ruin a book series. Harry Potter was an entire subculture. Like Star Wars and Star Trek fans, Harry Potter fans dedicated their lives and careers to the series. I don't know if I'd call it "underground," but liking Harry Potter got you beaten up when I was in school, so it was more of a dedicated indie culture than a mass-appeal fanbase.

Harry Potter was so huge that fan works developed their own followings. Potter Puppet Pals racked up hundreds of thousands of followers and was nearly as relevant as the series itself. For fanfiction, Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality got so big that it has a Wikipedia page. The band Harry and the Potters spawned the wizard rock music genre. A Very Potter Musical developed a fanbase and launched Darren Criss's career.

Harry Potter also has extensive ties to fandom history. Everyone in my generation (millennials) remembers coming home from school to read Harry Potter fanfiction on the Internet. Today, most people just post their stories on Wattpad or Archive of Our Own. But at the time, the fanbase was splintered between fanfiction.net and dozens of individual websites and forums, some made for specific ships. Since they all had individual hosts, a lot of those sites have been lost to time.

And there's the infamous My Immortal fanfiction, which is an Internet legend with people still searching for the author. Everybody read that one (and laughed at it) in middle school.

Pre-social media, fan sites like The Leaky Cauldron and Mugglenet had massive followings because they were one of few sources for news, theories, essays and fan content. Some of these sites still exist after being around for over a decade and building their own legacy.

Before Deathly Hallows came out, fans were so desperate to know what happened that Mugglenet published a book called What Will Happen in Harry Potter 7: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Falls in Love and How Will the Adventure Finally End? Yep...Harry Potter was so big that people wrote separate books about what would happen in an upcoming book.

And that's not mentioning all the book release parties, Harry Potter-themed events, monuments, fan films, restaurants and even a theme park. A lot of fandoms have those, but Harry Potter infiltrated every aspect of popular culture.

Today, there's a thriving culture of "Harry Potter adults" with themed weddings, baby showers and Etsy stores. Putting your Hogwarts house in your Instagram bio is pretty much a prerequisite for joining the "bookish" community. Warner still produces new content, like the Fantastic Beasts series, although we've all seen what a disaster that's been.

Everyone has at least a few memories associated with Harry Potter even if it's just watching the movies. I had great memories associated with Harry Potter. But looking back at the subculture, history and thousands of fan works, it doesn't seem fun anymore. Studying the fandom or being part of it comes with an awkward tension because you don't want to seem like you're condoning JKR's bigotry but can't divorce her from the series. This subculture was spawned by a woman who turned her legacy of magic and wonder into one of abuse and hatred.

I don't expect people to write paragraphs about how much they hate JKR every time they post about Harry Potter, but it's still uncomfortable to see people make new content or wear their Harry Potter Etsy tote bags like nothing happened. Even if they clarify that they don't support her, it's just a weird, tense situation for everybody.

People dedicated years of their lives to running Harry Potter fan sites, writing fanfiction, cosplaying characters and making fan movies. If I were in that situation, I'd have a mild identity crisis. I'd ask myself "Did I waste all those years? Should I delete my content? Where do I go from here?"

So ultimately, JKR didn't ruin "just" a book series or even "just" a fandom. She tanked an entire culture, which inspired people to look at Harry Potter more critically. The issues that people brought to the light tainted the series's legacy even without JKR's personal issues.

Once, Harry Potter was a series for generations. Now, former fans hope that the series fades into irrelevancy. Unfortunately, JKR didn't just tarnish her legacy--she took decades of history, millions of fans and a worldwide subculture along with her.

[etherealsomething]

3/11/23

Psychoanalysis

I've come to the conclusion that I am not a cathartic person. I don't engage in catharsis as much as I want to. Sometimes I have this intensely deep desire for a cathartic moment–one instance where all of my raw emotions come out, all at once. But instead, I think I’ve learned how to let my emotions out in a way where they come out little by little in everything I do. Think of it like water. My emotions are like keeping a sink just dripping in the winter to keep your pipes from freezing (something we always did in my Iowa home whenever it got too cold out) whereas catharsis is a holy dam breaking and releasing a flood of biblical proportions. For some reason… that flood is so appealing. 

I think it's because I used to have catharsis all of the time when I was younger. I loved to cry. I loved moments of intense emotion. And now I don't feel like I have those moments. Somehow I grew out of them. I don't know. 

I feel like my life has changed. So much and so drastically. Especially since I graduated from high school. I’ve become so much happier. But I also don't ever feel that sad anymore. And I kinda miss being sad. I need to stop running away from it. I think therapy would be helpful for that maybe.

I think I've definitely got some things wrong in my head. Wires crossed or whatever.

Let's psychoanalyze. 

First, I think I have a deep fear of my body, call it dysphoria (?). I think so much of my thought surrounds my body. What I wear especially. But also in my daily actions and interactions. I think I feel like I have to make people believe the fact that I’m a woman and so I overcompensate. Like, just today I feared watching a youtube video that was ‘too boyish’ in my mind because I thought if anyone caught me watching it it would take away their perception of me as a woman. I fear that if I'm not ‘feminine enough’ to be a woman, people won't perceive me as one just because of the body I was born in. So now when I look in the mirror I’m grossed out by my trans body. My boy hands. My weird legs. Because I see them through that lens. It's internal transphobia that manifests in my anxiety about my perception. 

I've got body issues methinks…

Ugh. it's so complex. I don't know why I derive any sort of pleasure from hyperanalyzing myself. 

Let's keep going lol.

Next, I think what I was talking about at the start of this essay (memoir? manuscript? chapter?) is just depression. Like… I don't think it's normal that I don't experience emotions like a healthy person. I feel like catharsis on a regular basis is pretty normal. Healthy people cry pretty often. They have good days. They can cry at sad movies. They don't answer “just peachy” whenever someone asks how you are. I think I've just grown such an intense mask to hide all of my bad (bad…) emotions that I’ve accidentally masked all of my emotions. Dulled them all back to a solid zero. No positive. No negative. Just zero. 

It could also be the Wellbutrin. I don’t know if I'm supposed to tell people that I'm on antidepressants. My parents have always been so hush-hush about mental health. I didn’t know my mom was on Zoloft for the entirety of my life until I was twenty years old. And I didn’t know my brother had his own assortment of mental issues until years after he moved out. In my family, mental health was just something you couldn't really talk about. Which is odd because my mom loves to bring up mental health-related issues… 

God, it's all Freudian, isn't it?

I think my mom is probably why I'm depressed. 

That’s enough analyzing for tonight. I'm high and I just want to watch skins. 

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Trans ftm! Regulus Black x gn! Reader - He Knows

A/n: I got inspired by some fics then some things on tik tok so I finally got into this boat

Warnings: Mentions of transphobia, low self-esteem, internalized transphobia, mentions of deadname & deadnaming, swearing, I think that's it? You have been warned!

Summary: He doesn't think he knows who he is, how could he? He's always been told he was someone that he's realized that maybe he's not. Perhaps you could help him, although he didn't really need it in the first place

Reader's Hogwarts House: Not mentioned

Pronouns used: No pronouns

I do NOT support J. K. Rowling, or any transphobic/homophobic things she says (or anything she says really), or TERFS!

He was not a girl.

The younger black was a cunning fucker who, when he wanted things he knew how to get them, he was someone who, if you pissed off just in the right way he could ruin your life. Despite being a Slytherin he was brave, just not in the way that people usually think of bravery. Even so he did not think very highly of himself, which really didn't help his situation.

When he was first sorted into Slytherin he nearly cried. He wanted so badly to be sorted into any other house, he wanted to be like his older brother going against the family name but even Hogwarts- somewhere that was supposed to be his home couldn't do that for him.

The young black knew what kind of people were sorted into that house, and he thought that Hogwarts was going to be no different then his home.

'Just seven years of more hell, just at a different place.'

Then you came along.

There wasn't anything special about you necessarily, he hadn't noticed you previously. But when you turned around and pointed at him telling the teacher that you wanted to be potion partners with him in your third year he couldn't even come up with a solid reason as to why you would want to. Why the hell would you want to talk to him, when you hadn't even spoken a word to him before, when he knew he came off as cold and unkind. And you didn't want to just talk to him, you wanted to become potions partners for the rest of the year.

Nevertheless the both of you had become close, and practically nothing could stand in the way. Of course he had found something that could.

As in he was never a she, and wanted the rest of the world to know that.

He remembers walking into the girls dormitory one day in his sixth year and thinking: "Why am I here?"

The truth was he forgot that question for a while and life went back to normal the world still called him Nashira, and he himself didn't think twice.

Yet all those little questions kept coming up everywhere and although he could forget them all, he couldn't forget the one that wasn't quite a question nor an answer.

What if...

No, he couldn't think like that. He was just lying to himself, trying to gain attention (perhaps Sirius was rubbing off on him) yet he couldn't purge the thought from his head once it was there. It was like it had taken up a piece of space in his mind, the two words going on a loop in his head because he wouldn't dare say more.

What if, what if, what if...

Slowly he started to refer to himself as a 'he' and he also started forgetting his name. Who was Nashira? Definitely not him, he was... Fuck, he had no idea who he was.

He thought that you would hate him, resent him if he told you. Yet he couldn't keep lying to himself anymore, the need to tell someone... anyone was bursting his chest. Merlin, he wanted to just leave the entire magical world altogether and just live with the muggles, they would accept him more then most. Though he couldn't do that so he didn't the next best thing. Ruin what he had with you because he was...

"Nashira are you good?" You ask him touching his arm softly taking him out of his thoughts. He cringes at the name Nashira, and you seem to notice as your eyebrows drawn closer together to show your increasing concern.

He doesn't say anything at first thinking that maybe if he said nothing than nothing would come out then this burning feeling in his chest would go away. You (hopefully) would eventually storm off at his lack at responding to you at all and he would just have to come up with a good enough excuse for you tomorrow.

"Are you even listening to me Nashira?

He couldn't help the want to snap at you for using... that name, but it wasn't your fault really. You didn't know any better.

"Nashira."

'Don't please, please don't say that name again.'

"Nashira!"

"I don't know who I am OKAY!" He finally bursts, the anger at himself and the world for being so cruel, for giving him the wrong life, the wrong body. The anger folds around the two of you creating a horrendous thunder storm.

"I don't know why I was put into this body... but it's wrong! I- I-" In a second the anger is gone replaced by fear at what he had just revealed as he stutters and stumbles over his feet. So very unlike the person you knew, yet every bit of it was him.

Gently you placed your hand out towards him reaching for him yet leaving it as a choice, he could reach for you or he could back away.

He took your hand and you immediately took the boy into your arms. He didn't even realize that he had started sobbing until he was, you played with his hair as a gesture to say; 'I'm here.' Waiting for him to calm down a little so you could have a real conversation.

"So are you saying your transgender?" You whispered not wanting to create a tense atmosphere by accidentally making him think you wouldn't accept him.

"Yes." He breathed out.

You pulled away just a bit to look into his grey eyes.

"Then I accept you..." You trail off not knowing what his name was.

He looked at you and his face was processing into different emotions so quick you nearly couldn't keep up. It was surprise then shock, then happiness.

"Thank you." He said, because although deep down he's always known who he was he just needed some help to pull that part of him out.

___________________

It was a few weeks after that day and he had finally come up to with his name; Regulus.

And you uttered his name like it was a saints name, to you it was. You muttered it under your breath day and night, you whispered his name like a pray. It was precious and it was beautifully him. Regulus, Regulus Black, Regulus Arcturus Black.

He was not a girl, he was Regulus Black - who he's always been.

Words 1067

-thedelusionreaderbitch

Hp Taglist: @regulusblackswhorecrux (Just ask if you want to be added)

[madebyteenagefury]

okay so. you. @dance-like-an-idiot i think about this all the fucking time.

first of all, the dykesettos exist in like an adjacent universe of the og universe in my head. like in the multiverse of falsettos au's this one is branched off during in trousers (a bit, maybe barely a year after jason is born) and runs parallel to the original timeline (but is obviously very different.) idk if that makes sense maybe ill make a graph.

so ik you said transmasc but operating under transfem marv for a second, if she were transfem, that paired with the misogyny is INSANE. not saying it cant happen ofc, but just, the implications,,, the unlearning and relearing she'd have to do. i love it. it makes me sick. etc, you know. one of the most popular vers of them i see is transmasc whiz and transfem marv. which also brings us back to marv being transphobic which,, i think he really would be at the beginning. internalized misogyny AND transphobia babe, like holy shit. but she'd get over it, bless her she'd get over it.

your point abt it being modern times, i think abt that a lot too. Im kind of pessimistic, trans aus for falsettos, or anything really set in that period (i was into stranger things for a while, that had a lot of trans content) while i do engage and consume it, in the back of my head theres always something gnawing saying "yeah but this is so unrealistic, i mean, transitioning to that extent at that time, really?" but it is possible and people did do it. i follow and read about lots of older trans ppl that were transitioning during that time and it really helps me w these au's and remember that people did live their lives, it was hard holy SHIT it was hard, but they did and thats beautiful. even though im pessimistic, these aus make me really happy for that reason, remembering that it was possible and people did live as themselves, even though it was tough, and a lot of them didnt survive.

i really love transfem marv because again the implications of really how much she has to overcome the internalized misogyny, not just being friends with women but being a woman. shifting gears entirely i think whizz would be farther in his transition than marv when they meet. REALLY fumbling around with the timeline here, i think im seriously going to make that graph.

okay while i’ve been scrolling the dykesettos tag/looking for references ive got to thinking about whiz and marvs dynamic and how/if it might change in the context of them being lesbians (and even more in the t4t context?? transfem marv transmasc whiz??) i love yall oh my god im THINKING!!!!! dykesettos soon im having too much fun drawing them

[munvermaniac]

trans jason who in reality thinks he's a freak and that's why he goes after eddie so hard when his teammates start it because it's better eddie than him. and eddie immediately accepting him after finding out. which kinda scares him because he totally expected eddie to turn around and tell everyone right away.

Ooooo, good angst anon! I’m going to assume you mean ftm, but with a little bit of tweaking this could work for both. Let’s just say he transitioned early/mid high school before moving to Hawkins for his senior year. He’s always been insecure about it, and in his mind he’s still kind of trying to reconcile being trans while also having MAJOR internalized transphobia.

I could 100% see him just taking all that self hate and pushing it right on to Eddie. The team sees this, which is why they all hate him so much. And Jason just lets it happen. After all, if they’re too busy hunting that freak they can’t hunt him.

Let’s say that the basketball coach, one way or another, finds out he’s trans. He’s not going to tell anyone, but he can’t just let a girl play on his team, now can he? So Jason, despite being their best player, gets booted off the team for what looks like no reason. It’s the talk of the school.

This is kind of Jason’s fall from grace in the school’s eyes. They don’t know what he did to get dropped from the team, just that it had to be something bad. He’s not as popular, doesn’t have as much influence, and he’s kind of depressed because he can’t play the sport he’s been playing his whole life. College scouts were supposed to be looking at him.

I think he’d double down after getting kicked off and almost being outed, with all the stress and pent up anger and no way to release it with games. So, he goes into overdrive during the regular gym classes (which he just so happens to have with Eddie).

Because of unsafe binding practices (be careful when binding and working out, kids!) he gets super winded and the gym teacher tells him to go to the nurse with Eddie as an escort. Jason really doesn’t want to go, the less people that know he’s trans the better. So he begs Eddie to just drop him off at the closest bathroom and leave.

Eddie obliges, but as he’s waking back he finds himself concerned with Jason’s health. So, against his better judgement, he goes back to the bathroom and walks in on Jason with his binder on.

Jason, of course, freaks the fuck out. Holy shit, he’s going to get outed, everyone’s going to know, he’s going to have to move again—

But Eddie just doesn’t give a fuck. He says he’s not going to tell anyone, that that’d be a shitty thing to do. Jason’s not entirely sure Eddie won’t tell everyone anyway, so he watches him the next few days like a hawk, but nothing happens.

Eventually, they start connecting because Eddie’s the only one Jason can talk to about being trans, and Jason’s the only one Eddie can talk to about being queer because he knows he won’t out him. Who knows, maybe they make out a lil or something.

That’s all I’ve got for now, but feel free to add on or write fics to elaborate or continue!