#maybe someday I'll share them here ... I just get nervous ;;

[throughpatchesofviolet]

Hellbat sent me some new Heathcliff fanart, earlier, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it ... I miss him so much.

[putschki1969]

2024/07/30 Blog post by Wakana 明日締め切りです！！〜夏の強めの目覚ましビーム〜

❗This is Fan Club EXCLUSIVE content❗ ❗PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗Do NOT SHARE on other sites❗ ❗Join her FAN CLUB! Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

The Deadline Is Tomorrow!! ~Powerful Summer Wake-up Beam~

These days, it's hot every day… 😇How is everyone doing? During the summer, I run the air conditioner in my living room 24 hours a day. When I go to bed, I open the bedroom door a little to let the cool air from the living room flow into the bedroom…The gap in my door is perfectly in line with a small vertical window on the east side of my living room. Every morning without fail at around 5 o'clock, the strong morning sun hits my eyes like a laser beam. (I took this photo while half asleep) It's a very intense way to wake me up. This morning, I was woken up by the beam as usual.

Hello, this is Wakana (0￣▽￣0)／

Of course I'll go back to sleep. 😪💤I've been thinking about putting up some kind of blind on this small window, but every year, the summer ends without me putting anything on it 😂

Now, everyone!! The deadline for this month's podcast submissions for the episode on August 10th is tomorrow! ＼＼\٩( 'ω' )و //／／

The talk topics arte:

What kind of pillow do you use?

Anything you want to ask me♪

Please tell me about your pillow situation at home! Which kind do you find comfortable to sleep on? Do you even use a pillow? Or maybe you have a bunch of pillows? Or you could share a particular way of sleeping on a hot humid night! I'm just very curious about everyone's pillows! 😄And of course you can ask me anything you want once again so please don't hesitate to send your questions＼(^o^)／I'm waiting! ! ! ･:*+.(( °ω° ))/.:+

Click here to submit a message! ↓↓↓ https://wakana-fc.jp/answers/botanical_oshaberi_12/new

Everyone, please take care of your health and don't push yourself too hard! The other day I felt a bit squeamish when I was drying my hair with a hair dryer 😱 I think it was probably because it was too hot 😓Even though I was in a cool room with a fan on and keeping hydrated🥺 Your head can get overheated easily even if you are being careful🥺Don't forget to take precautions against heatstroke even when you're at home!

Until next time~☆( '▽')/

＊＊＊Wakana＊＊＊

2024/08/01 Instagram post by Wakana

Last month, I went to "Ghibli Park and Ghibli Exhibition" in Tokyo‼️(^o^) It was so much fun~😍 This has made me want to go to Ghibli Park even more ✨I'll definitely go someday…😳✨There were so many great photo spots, I had so much fun taking a ton of picutres😂Today I'll focus on the Totoro section💕 I was happy to see Totoro and the Cat Bus welcoming me at the entrance♡ The inside of the the Cat Bus was so fluffy🥰 They also had Satsuki and Mei's father's study room in display. I love the wobbly pillars😂

I got a Totoro and a little Totoro as souvenir☺️💓 I have a lot of other photos so I'll post them later~🌻(Source)

2024/08/04 Instagram post by Wakana

"Ghibli Park and Ghibli Exhibition" Photos Part 2!! 🥳🎉 Today's post is dedicated to Princess Mononoke 🐾 Here I am at the photo spot where you can ride on Yakul and Yamainu on a merry-go-round 📸They were both so cute and beautifully decorated…😍💕I brought along my San keychain, so I showed it to Yakul 🤗 (Yakul didn't seem particularly interested though) (Source)

2024/08/07 Instagram post by Wakana

"Ghibli Park and Ghibli Exhibition" Photos Part 3!!🥳🎉 Today is dedicated to Spirited Away 🐲🍙 I got to take some photos with No-Face😍💕 I was nervous…😳💓No-Face was pretty tall😳 It was bigger than I imagined and I thought "Wow"😳

I also visited Yubaba's room🤗I had a big smile on my face while imagining Yubaba saying to me, "From now on, your name is Waka! Okay, Waka!"😂I wasn't intimidated at all😂

Tomorrow I'll post a little summary of my adventures at "Ghibli Park and Ghibli Exhibition"!!🧚✨ (Source)

2024/08/08 Instagram post by Wakana

I'm worried about everyone in Kyushu after the earthquake that occurred this evening. I hear that there might be a wave of aftershocks and other earthquakes but I hope that the damage will not be too great. The expected epicenter area also includes the Kanto region so I will do my best to be prepared. Please be careful, everyone.

Yesterday I mentioned that I would upload a little summary of my Ghibli adventure so here it is☺️ These are the last photos from my visit to"Ghibli Park and Ghibli Exhibition"🥳🎉I was able to look at various exhibits but now, more than ever, I want to go to Ghibli Park soon🥺 That really sums up my feelings…!!🥺💓 It's like a dream to be able to actually experience those amazing stories in the real world✨I vowed to myself that I will definitely go to the park someday soon🧚Until then, I will continue to dream about that day! 😻🔥(Source)

[rbkzz]

...[*whispered*] wip wednesday?

(context under the cut)

(is this is too long?)

(i wrote a trixie/keris one-shot)

(it is my first written thing)

(i am so nervous!)

(trixie pov)

Penelope Bunce is once again whirling around our room like a frizzy haired tornado.  She has literally picked up and put down every single article of clothing, book, paper, or other object at least twice (except the box under my bed, thank goodness I spelled that).

She’s such a menace – their whole golden trio is.  People say I’m annoying because of my dust, short attention span, and possessive tendencies (well anyone who had to grow up in a lower faedom and pay a tithe to the aes sidhe of all your most precious belongings each year would end up being a possessive brat too! I just don't like to share if I can avoid it is all)... 

…but I think the ‘golden trio’ made up of Snowbuncebelove should get an actual award for being the most annoying, self-absorbed students at Watford.  Nobody else would stand a chance - they’d win that award category every year.

Recently on discord my alpha @noblecorgi was lamenting the lack of lesbian smut in the CO fandom... they then got into an interesting discussion with @roomwithanopenfire about pixies/other fae folk. There was aaaalso a recent conversation about Niamh and their perspective in AWTWB about how the leads of CO had been living in their own bubble at Watford (unreliable narrators the whole lot of 'em!!)

Even though I don't write I loved the ideas that were shared, so I decided to try to smoosh them all together into a Trixie/Keris one-shot lesbian smut fic.

I got really excited about writing and caught up in the experience of it - it was so much fun!! Now I know why people do it! @roomwithanopenfire even beta read for me for which I am soooo grateful ♡♡♡♡

......aaaand then the next day I embarked on an intense perfectionist shame spiral (iykyk) and decided I should hide myself and my ideas away forevermore 🥲

However...... my brain itself is an unreliable narrator 🫠 And my recent therapy homework is to regularly try new things, mess up publicly, and be imperfect in order to rewire my brain to understand that I am still okay even when I am bad at things. Sooo I am posting part of my first fic here as therapy homework and for accountability as well as to continue on my plight of becoming consistently and unabashedly imperfect. Maybe someday I'll find the courage to post it on ao3 😬

I don't know about tags because I'm still so confused and shy about putting myself out here on tumblr 🙊 but I doooo want to say THANK YOU for tags and hellos! I love to read what y'all are up to, even though I usually wait til fics are posted in completion before starting (I'm too impatient to wait for chapter updates 🤪). xoxo!

my first wip wednesday!

[wolfawaycamp]

Alternate Truth or Dare "Truth" scene, because Emma's question in-game was super boring. She could've come up with something shippy for that, surely.

🐼 I had a million different ideas for this and maybe I'll write them out someday, but for the sake of brevity, here is (1) slightly shippier version of Emma Mountebank's infamously boring 'truth' question! Thanks for the ask :)

The warm smoke of the campfire mixed with the earthy scent wafting off of Lake Septimus’ surface makes for a nice, comfortable atmosphere for the Hacketteers’ last hurrah around the firepit.

Ryan can appreciate the sentimentality of it, as he had built up a nice camaraderie with these (mostly) strangers, but of course Dylan had to be Dylan and throw a Truth-or-Dare-shaped wrench into things. Ryan’s already nervous enough, what with Chris freaking out and demanding they stay in the lodge with all of the escapes locked as if there’s some wild animal on the loose.

To Ryan, the only thing worse than being attacked by a savage bear or feral hog is exactly what Emma is doing to him right now: putting him on the spot. “Ryan — truth or dare?”

He weighs his options.

Truth — knowing Emma, she's probably going to ask something nosy like "What were you and Chris talking about in his office?" which is annoying but ultimately uninteresting. Easy, painless, and forgettable.

Dare — she's going to make him kiss someone. Sure, he could be a killjoy and say no, but he's already on thin ice with this crowd and he's not so much of an asshole that he's going to ruin everyone's fun by refusing a dare. Besides, he knows it's either going to be Dylan or Kaitlyn. He can handle that. They're both attractive, and they both clearly have a crush on him. But what if she makes you choose? nags a voice in the back of his mind, and that gives him pause. Because — because if he's forced to make a choice, people are going to make assumptions and tease him and Dylan — or Kaitlyn — mercilessly about it for the rest of the night. Truly a fate worse than death.

He goes with the safe option. "Truth. I'm an open book."

"Okay, okay. Let's get right down to it." Emma narrows her eyes suspiciously.

"Let's do." Ryan makes his best attempt to match her energy. He’s sure he looks as terrified as a first-time camper during opening week.

"What were you and Dylan doing when you two snuck away from Mandatory Movie Night last month?"

Fuck. That wasn’t part of the script.

"You left the lodge after Mr. H told you not to? What a little rebel!" Abi blurts out in mock surprise.

Ryan rolls his eyes. "No, we...we went upstairs. Wanted to get away from the kids. Nothing really happened. We just talked."

Somehow, he’s forgotten that the other person in question is sitting six feet away from him, ready to call him out on his bullshit. "C'mon, tell them the rest of it,” Dylan encourages, taking another sip of his beer.

Betrayal. Ryan really was an idiot to think he’d get out of this one so easily. "Whose side are you on, man?"

"Well, obviously, as the one who's laying down the law here, I'm on the side of the truth!" Dylan responds matter-of-factly.

Emma, who’d been watching the exchange and quietly enjoying the drama, leans in. "What are you hiding from us, you mysterious bad boy?”

I’m really not beating the ‘brooding loner’ allegations, am I? "First off, never say that again." Everyone is staring at him in anticipation, except Dylan, who’s looking away and visibly trying (and failing) to maintain his poker face while reveling in Ryan’s discomfort.

Ryan sighs. "We also…might have found some vodka and drank it. But we were just drinking and chilling like we are right now. Nothing to write home about."

“Vodka and chill, huh?” Jacob waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

“No,” Ryan responds, trying to sound as unbothered as possible. Unless you count Dylan acting serious for more than ten seconds as ‘chill.’ 

In all honesty, they didn’t do anything crazy. They'd started that night sharing childhood camp stories, and it had eventually turned into deep discussions about their fears, their dreams, and their plans for the future after camp, but the other counselors don’t need to know every detail. Ryan had seen Dylan in a different light since that night and they’d grown closer from it. That moment is special, and Ryan intends to keep at least some things between himself and Dylan.

Nick takes a break from basking in the warmth of the campfire to speak up. "Ugh. Boring!”

"On the contrary. My curiosity's been satisfied." Emma is staring at Ryan with an unnerving grin plastered onto her face. In the firelight, she almost looks like a demon. “Thank you for sharing.”

Jacob isn't having it. "No way. That can't really be it. Dylan?"

Ryan shoots Dylan a look that hopefully screams “save me.” Dylan obliges. "No, no, I'd say he's off the hook. That’s all she wrote. Scout's honor." He holds up his hand and crosses his fingers.

"Doesn't that mean you're lying?" Jacob presses.

Kaitlyn responds to Jacob’s comment with derision, "No, dumbass, that's only if he does it behind his back where we can't see it. Duh." Ryan stays silent, letting the two bicker amongst themselves. At least they’re not all still staring at him with those creepy fucking smiles.

"Children! Settle down!" Right on cue, Emma turns everyone’s attention back to their favorite social punching bag. Well, second favorite to Jacob. "Your turn, Ryan." She’s still grinning. She genuinely looks pleased. It wasn’t just some juicy gossip she wanted from Ryan; her goal was to make him uncomfortable, and he played right into her trap perfectly.

Scanning the rest of the group, he sure does feel the discomfort; half of the counselors are giving him and Dylan knowing glances, while the other half look deeply disappointed with his answer. Well, too bad. He’ll let them speculate.

Ryan finds his victim. “Kaitlyn. What d’ya say — truth or dare?”

As she ponders the question, his eyes catch Dylan’s and he can’t help but wonder what would have happened had he chosen ‘dare.’ 

[angelosearch]

Writing, and how it helps with a loud brain.

I am not an unusual person with mental illness in the sense that I think, a lot. My brain constantly searches for things to chew on, and it's natural inclination is toward self-criticism/hatred.

The thoughts move fast. I'll start with one concept and then other ideas get swept up with it. Supporting scenarios get analyzed. Social interactions get recontextualized. It builds momentum in the quiet, and the faster it gets, the louder it seems, until I feel like I've been sucked into an inescapable thought-tornado.

The trick is to slow it down early with some sort of intervention.

There are plenty of interventions that no longer serve me that are very effective - things that amounted to escapism, sometimes unconsciousness. At one time, I was so opposed to being with my own brain, I would avoid going home. I'd go out to bars every night, spending more money than I had, drinking more than I should, sharing my time with people I no longer know. I would stay at work long past my shift.

When I had to go home, I became set on clouding my mind until it was completely opaque. If all else failed, I just slept to avoid myself. I abused benadryl at one point so I could sleep through my days.

I've done a lot of work to understand where these thoughts come from, how to challenge them, and how to slow them, but there are still times when the thought-tornado touches down and picks up my perverbial brain-cow and takes it for a whirl. But I don't fear the funnel like I used to.

Writing helps me in multiple ways.

For one, if I chose to write out the negative thoughts instead of just thinking them, the narrative distance helps them feel less true. I also write slower than I think, so if I concentrate on capturing the ideas, I will never catch up. It's harder for the speed of the thoughts to build, especially in pen.

There is an element of escapism, but not to the point of avoidance. I will often start writing while I am trying to calm down, and then, once more level, I will come back and think about things more clearly. I also process a lot of what I think and feel through writing, even in fanfiction. Sometimes I give my characters the breakdown I am on the verge of, and the degree of separation makes it less severe.

And then, of course, writing is just fun sometimes. I get excited about ideas and it puts the self-hating thoughts on pause. It only takes a few minutes of a mindful activity to calm the nervous system, and it is important I don't let the thought-tornado hit those power lines.

I enjoy writing so much that I have learned to live more effectively with these thoughts. I don't want to run away from my brain, because yes, it is mean to me sometimes, but also it can create wonderful things. I find myself doing less and less to alter my state of consciousness because I want to be able to write. I can sit with myself, and that is something that, as an adult, I could not do until recently.

To mix metaphors here, I will tell you what I told my therapist this week:

My head used to be like a shitty gas station at night. I wanted to be in and out quickly, get what I needed and run. It was not a welcoming place, or a place that felt safe, and I would never go unless I needed to.

Now, my head more like a mid-teir grocery store (Safeway) a few days before a holiday. It's busy and stressful and over-stimulating, but I will go, and it will be safe, just a little frustrating. I will linger sometimes because I'll find an interesting product or I'll be willing to wait at the deli. As maddening as it can be, there will be some part of there experience to enjoy - maybe the early 2000s soft rock song over the PA or the fact the thing I needed was on sale.

Someday, I hope my head is like a really nice grocery store (Wegmans) at a time when it is empty, maybe at 5 am when they bring out the fresh bagels. Then, I won't mind wandering for hours.

Anyway that was a tangent, but I was writing this to calm a thought-tornado and, guess what? It worked. Writing for the win, ya'll.

[gutterballgt]

I'm kind of nervous doing this since I've only done this like, once before (despite all my years on Tumblr) and it was anonymously, but hi, I really, really like your Chaleigh fics. You probably get that a lot but they are absolute goddamn works of art and are literally inspiring all my muses as I read them. I remember reading through a ton of them a few years back before dropping out of Pacific Rim for a while, and honestly, rereading them now, they're definitely a must read if you're big on Pacific Rim (and Chaleigh)

Literally, they are reawakening the fanfic writer in me. I have so many ideas that I want to write inspired by your fics. A throwaway line from "Here a Dragon, There a Dragon" and I find myself plotting out a domestic future fic spin off because I cannot resist. Your works are a blessing and a gift and I just wanted to let you know (and set myself up to share all the ideas that your AUs and writing inspires because I need an outlet and what better place-)

Thank you so, so much for reaching out to tell me this! I am so stoked to hear that people are still reading and ENJOYING my work! I keep telling myself I'll finish all my in-progress fics someday, and posts like these make me think maybe I should.

I've been writing original stuff the past couple of years, but fanfic will always be near and dear to my heart, and Pacific Rim will ALWAYS be my fandom of choice, so I'm glad to know that you're there, too.

I'm seriously grinning SO HARD right now. Seriously. THANK YOU.

Eeeeeee!

[yakuzacanons]

If you're still taking requests, how would the boys help out their s/o that has scars/trauma around dogs?

Such a good ask, I have a few family members that struggle with this actually so I can kinda draw from some experience here. This is a relatively short one, just because my other recent post about comforting an s/o dealing with emotional/mental shit is up and a lot of it can be cross referenced here. Headcanons below da cut.

Kazuma Kiyru

He'll ask the kids to keep Mame away from you, especially since Mame barks a lot. If you decide you want to try to overcome this fear, he'll allow it but he'll keep a watchful eye and will notice if you've hit your limit. Not mindful of scars at all, as he has plenty himself. Very big protector energy, super understanding, never judgemental.

Majima Goro

Type of idiot to say "Dontcha worry, if a dog tries to bite ya, I'll just bite it back!" which doesn't really help but at least makes you laugh. Totally isn't afraid to tell strangers if the dog they're walking is barking at you too much, saying things like "Ya gots to be mindful of other people, ya know!". As for scars, like Kiryu, he's got plenty of his own. If you ever feel self conscious, he'll once again say something silly like "Babe, if ya can love me with a whole eye missin', then ya got nothin' to worry 'bout when it comes to yer appearance! Compared to me, yer hot as hell!".

Akiyama Shun

He kind of gets nervous around dogs too. Really, he's nervous around most small animals or small children as he has zero idea what to do with them, especially when they get noisy. He empathizes with you a lot in this aspect. Out of all the boys, it is easiest to confide your fears or trauma with Akiyama as he shares a similar mindset, even if he doesn't have personal trauma around dogs. Type of guy to wrap his arm around your shoulder if you're walking by a particularly aggressive dog while saying "Just keep walking, I'm right here, okay?".

Tanimura Masayoshi

Has never had a pet in his life and honestly never wanted one. Since he's a cop, he's good at enforcing neighborhood laws like owners having to scoop their dog's poop, so most of the pet owners in the area are pretty up to snuff. You won't have to worry about a rogue dog getting aggressive out of the blue. Type of sweet baby boy to kiss your scars when you get upset about them and say "There, all better now!".

Saejima Taiga

Has a really good connection with animals so they don't actually get super aggressive around him. Maybe it's because he's built like a tank. Either way, he's really understanding and is the type of guy to stand between you and a dog when you're on a walk, keeping the dog out of view, so you can cross the street and feel safe, all the while saying things like "Don't worry, I gotcha". He's super neutral on having pets so you never have to worry about him wanting to bring a puppy back home one day.

Ryuji Goda

Biggest dog person out of all the boys so he will want a dog someday. However, he would never make any important life decisions without talking to his partner first and he would make sure you felt safe and prepared if he really wanted to bring a dog into the family. Most likely to actually help you overcome the fear by slowly getting you to interact with dogs, as he really likes pets and frequents pet cafes. He'll show you how to approach them, how to read their body language, and the like, all while saying "See, sometimes they're just as scared as ya, but they ain't all bad." Ryuji would rather see you learn to overcome your fears than try to blindly shield you from them.

Nishikiyama Akira

He is ALSO actually scared of dogs. Just looks really shocked if one starts barking loudly at him and then just sneaks away. He'll comfort you by jokingly say "We survived that dog encounter", allowing you both to laugh about it in hindsight. Truthfully, he's kind of sheepish that he gets skittish around loud or big dogs so it's nice that you both can understand each other without feeling like you have to reason with each other or explain it over and over again.

Daigo Dojima

He's actually a cat person. He's not afraid of dogs but he's kind of sensitive to loud noises so when he hears a lot of dogs barking, he gets frustrated or annoyed. If you have particularly bad trauma with dogs, he'll enforce a no-dogs-allowed-on-Tojo-Clan-property rule. He takes a private car most places so you don't have to worry much about public interactions with dogs. Also the type of guy to kiss your scars but instead of saying they're all better, he'll say "I love every single part of you. Even your scars".

Mine Yoshitaka

Ever the fearless lad, Mine would probably bark back at a loud dog to make you smile before saying "I gave that dog a good talking to, he won't be bothering you" which only makes the two of you giggle. Glares at people who let their dogs wander around freely, as he thinks it's a public nuisance and not helpful for anyone. If you guys run into a dog on a walk out and you start to panic, he'll say "Let's take a detour and take the long way home." and he would never judge you for feeling anxious. Very good at removing you from situations of stress.

[starfragment1979]

i'm possibly making a poor choice, but i'm not gonna get any better at talking to people if i don't socialize more. soooo.. yippee? i'm gonna regret not sending this, but i'm also gonna be super nervous if i do send this, but i think it's worth the risk.

anyway, i really hope i'm not a bother! i'd usually be anonymous when sending asks to people who aren't my friends, but that's not an option, and maybe it'd be better if i wasn't anonymous anyways.

i really hope i don't come off as weird or anything! i tend to ramble about things i enjoy, and i struggle to compact things into smaller paragraphs/sentences sometimes. hopefully this isn't overwhelming or anything! please do take your time if you end up reading it. ^^

also please don't feel obligated to do anything about this! i just wanted to let you know, just in case it makes your day even a tiny bit better, regardless of how it's going.

okay, i'll get to the point and try not to overthink too much since then i might end up not even sending it.

so long story short, i'd been feeling particularly down during the time i stumbled upon the fanfictions. i did hesitate, as i really don't read fanfictions (i've only read a handful of them as of right now), but i decided there's no reason not to at least check it out.

and i didn't regret it one bit. i'd say it's genuinely one of the best things i've read, along with books from my favorite (non-fanfiction) author and a certain fanfic for the stanley parable. i actually got an ao3 account recently, mostly so that i could read them if they ever end up being restricted again, and for easier access to the very few fanfictions i've actually read before. (also, hahah, i think i was that one guest who left kudos on a bunch of the fanfics overnight, and it made my day better to see that it made you happy! ^^ i... may have accidentally pulled an all-nighter, but i probably would've stayed up all night regardless. reading helped take my mind off of the stress i was feeling and all the bad thoughts i'd been having, so they really helped me get through the night. ^^)

definitely fueled my fixation for animal crossing, and helped contribute to me starting to get over my fear of (most) bugs that i've dealt with for most of my life.

also, this is how i found out luna moths live in minnesota. i've lived here for over half of my life and love learning about lepidoptera, but i didn't know luna moths lived here. which is super cool. i hope i can see one someday, i usually only see the little tiny moths you find in houses. (actually, i have one of those tiny friends on my wall currently! ^^)

in short? thank you! ^^ i hope you're doing alright!

this wasn't supposed to be so long, but here we are. sorry for rambling and potentially being a bother! i spent about 30 minutes typing this, overthinking this, deleting it and starting from scratch, and all that "fun" stuff. sorry if it was confusing!

(sorry for jumping from topic-to-topic, i do it and by the time i realize i've done it it's too late. 🥲 also, i've shared them with i think 3 friends by now, and the only one that's read them as far as i know has been really liking them, too! ^^)

i should get going (i usually do my chores at 4 PM, but it's now 4:18 PM and they need to be done by 4:30), but i'd just like to say that "atlas_moth" was such a good choice imo. ^^ atlas moths are my favorite animal, and one of my mothers (yay for polyamorous parents!!) is working on some atlas moth wings (and possibly antennae) for me. ^^

okay, that's all, sorry for rambling for so long. hope your day is going well, and if not, i hope it gets better!

Aww, what a wonderful comment! I love hearing from my readers, and it means so much to me to hear that my stories helped you through a tough time. I hope you're doing better now.

(It's also awesome and very brave of you to be working through your bug phobia, and I'm glad I could help there, too. Incidentally I'm writing a story right now about Flick's childhood, and it includes a scene with little nine-year-old Flick encountering an Atlas moth for the first time. So you have that to look forward to. 🙂)

I am newish enough to Tumblr that I didn't realize I had to opt in to anonymous asks. But I've done that now, so if you or anyone else needs to be anonymous in the future, the option is there.

[sendpseuds]

For the ask game: I'm going to be obnoxious and ask a shit ton but no pressure and just do the ones you feel like and/or have time for

How do you choose whose POV to write in?

What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

How do you deal with writing pressure, whether internal or external?

What motivates you during the writing process?

Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

Dude. I have a surprise five-hour layover... I'm here to answer some questions hahaha

That being said, this first one...

1. I have no idea. POV is a real FEEL thing for me. I've noticed some patterns, for example, I tend to give the more tender smut scenes to whoever happens to be fucking Obi-Wan because I just feel like a soft Obi-Wan is more interesting through someone else's eyes, and Obi-Wan often gets his POV when he's hurting [of course].

This upcoming fic, [the infamous disaster threesome] has been a real lesson in perspective. Writing the same scene [especially a very intense and way too long smut scene] from three different perspectives has been WAY harder than I expected, but I really feel like it's only making me a stronger writer.

2. I'm really proud of the way my writing has evolved. I recently re-read a few early chapters and found myself desperately wanting to edit them. Not because I wanted to change any of the story or felt that my words weren't good enough, but because I can see how much I was clinging to traditional formatting.

I remember feeling like I needed to write in paragraphs and would get nervous when they didn't look as long as I thought they should.

Now, I've learned to embrace the return button.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Now, I'm writing the way I wanted to from the beginning but thought was WRONG.

I'm really proud of just letting myself write the way I want to.

3. I'm sure there are a million. The one my brain keeps coming back to over and over again is a Sith!Obi-Wan AU where HE is the one who tries to conquer Mandalore.

I have the vaguest of outlines and it's messy messy messy and maybe SOMEDAY I'll figure it all out, but alas, for now, it's just a mess

4. I... I don't read a lot. I'm a very slow reader which I've always been extremely insecure about [not that I think any of you would judge me on that but still].

This is actually one of the reasons I love fanfic so much.

With so many shorter works, I feel like I can consume just as many stories as my more literary friends in the same time.

5. NOT WELL! hahaha

Right now, the pressure I'm putting on myself is so intense, every time I open a doc I sort of just stare at the cursor until I close it. I actually haven't written more than a few sentences in, like, two weeks, because I just keep psyching myself out.

I'm working on it hahaha.

6. It was always FEEDBACK. Comments and Kudos are like a fucking drug that I need to ween myself off of, and what has replaced it had mostly been just fucking around? Just spitballing, brainstorming, and making stupid jokes and headcanons [mostly with @yourfavoritefridge who never yells at me].

7. A throwback to your second question: just write how you want to write.

Stop pretending that there is a CORRECT way to write. There isn't. Language is flexible. Grammar is made up. Punctuation is an incredible tool.

Write how YOU write.

🖤

[distortedataraxia]

Hi ^^) it's my first time doing this, so I'm kinda nervous (ahhh how should I start?). Well, I'm here because i got interested in the BSD Matchup thing, so thank you in advancement >////<)

Uh- Im pretty shy and calm in real life, but in Internet I tend to be more teaser (maybe because I can't see the other person's face) even tho I can't really handle them in rl, and because of that ppl usually misunderstood my personality, also I have social anxiety, so it's pretty hard to people ACTUALLY understand and know the real me (honesty sometimes i wish ppl could just read my mind, that would be so much easier?). Sometimes i think like i just have a mask that I can't get off to the point of me forgetting the real me.

About those personality tests: I'm INTP-A, 5w6 and my love language is affirmative words and act of service

If I bake you something/draw you, for sure i treasure or relationship.

As for my hobbies: I like to read, sell, cosplay, draw, listen to true crimes podcast, watch animes, teach, learn languages (for now I can speak 5) study and bake (most time sweets). My dream is someday have a pretty (vegan) coffee.

For now I am a volunteer physic teacher to help 9 graders to pass in exams for good highschools, but I can't wait to get a real job in some quiet place (like a library).

I am a short (150cm T^T), a bit chubby, I'm a sagittarius and I like the caos in the "not so monotonous" way (I just hate get bored), and when I'm not envolved, obviously, just watching, I hate have too many eyes on me. I also hate when people try to force a friendship with me, like, if i hug you, I'm showing that I don't mind you getting too close (even tho it can surprise me sometimes), but that change completely when "you" hug me without intimacy, i will 100% dislike your hugs from now on.

Also I really like to hear people talk about their passion and dreams, maybe I can get a bit of inspiration haha.

Sometimes when I take my medicines I may be oblivious to my own felling, so in that kind of situation i just like so see people I like happy by making them a treat or just walking through the city with no place in mind, just to focus on their happiness to make me feel warm

Whaa- sorry if it was too long, I don't know how much I should say or keep to myself to get a good analysis, usually I don't share that much oh things aaah that's embarrassing... but yeah that's it I hope you are having a wonderful day/night

Note : Hi! Firstly I'd like to apologize for the time it tooks to actually write this and secondly I'd like to assure you that you weren't embarassing ^^ Have a good day/night i hope and take care of yourself ! I haven't written any forms concerning matchups to help people requesting, so anything that you wrote is okay, it's never too long or too short and i'll try my best pairing you with a character with what i have. I hope that you like the one i paired you with and that it aha isn't too much or a mess, matchups aren't really my expertise ahah ^^'

I pair you with...

Atsushi ! ★

You, shy and calm in real life, a teaser on the internet, have came across the path of A CAT- I mean, weretiger.

He would be kind, understanding and considerate towards you and would respect your boundaries. Whenever you have troubles with anything, you know that Atsushi will always be with you and that it'll be okay, he'll support, understand and try to help you out.

That boy Atsushi needs theses affirmative words, he've been through a lot and only feel the right to live if he save people's lives and it's good sometimes to remind him that he's good enough just as he is.

if i got this wrong please run me over with a car , dig a hole and bury my brain inside of it... ACTUALLY NO PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY BIGASS BRAIN

Atsushi would try to surprise you with some little gifts sometimes, he won't overdo it. If you're like kyoka by example, he'd buy you crepes and ice creams. If you're as mysterious as Dazai, he'll try to go with flowers probably.

Atsushi would be really happy if one day you bake or draw something for him.

Atsushi spent a lot of time reading in his orphanage's library as a form of escapism, so you can sometimes chat about books you both read without much problems.

You also love to ask about Atsushi's days as he works in the armed detective agency, and his days are never the ssame, as he like to ask about your day too.

Atsushi would absolutely support you in your dreams of having a pretty vegan coffee, and he'll do what he can to help you make your dream possible.

Atsushi gets flustered easily, and it can be pretty caotic. But cute?

When you're out on a date with Atsushi, he makes sure that you feel comfortable and to not get all eyes on both of you.

You both would be a nice pair.

[harmonymurphy]

I've decided this is the year I stop spinning my wheels. I was going to try to do it last year, but between Mom's failing health and my deteriorating vision, it just wasn't happening. But I'm going to have my normal vision back next month, and that's the last thing holding me back.

Well... that and how nervous I get at the thought of finally sharing my webcomic idea. So I thought I could start saying some pretty vague things about it, slowly getting less vague, working my way up to posting some concept art possibly in May or June. And then maybe this fall I'll actually start it.

So... um... here goes nothing. I'll just vaguely explain some stuff relating to the premise, then sort of talk to myself about/explain how I have this very bad idea for how my story needs to be told but I don't see a way out of it.

One thing I like to do is imagine mythological creatures are real in the modern world, just hiding somehow, then try to figure out how different species might interact with each other. Then I'll look through myths and see if there's anything I can use to extrapolate into conflicts between various species. Similarities between different species that could indicate a single origin. Stuff like that.

For my webcomic, I had chosen a few species said to have shape-shifting powers and imagined what it would be like if they were secretly passing as human. Since us rednecks are seen as weird by our own neighbors, I thought it would be fun to tell a story about foreign mythical creatures coming to live in the redneck south and trying to figure out what's going on with all the guns and grits.

So I had the idea that the first few chapters will be some of the teenage non-humans botching their attempt to pass as human while meeting their new redneck neighbors, then slowly explaining their society to their new human friends. Every couple chapters something would happen to make the humans uneasy as they realized their new neighbors are hiding things from them, being evasive when asked questions about their history or about why one species seems to be treated as an enemy of the others.

I have this one character I'll refer to as H who is very special to me for reasons I'll explain someday. As I figured out his backstory, I came up with more and more scenes I wanted to show, way too many to show in flashbacks. I realized I wanted to do a prequel about H's life before the main series began.

The problem is, I'll need to do them at the same time. There are multiple things H did in the past that will have repercussions for the main story. I have spent years debating it, and I always come to the conclusion that I want my hypothetical readers to be introduced to a certain... thing in H's backstory before they see it in the main story. The scene will be so much more emotional that way, and my muse is fueled by raw emotion.

I've been doing a chapter-by-chapter outline of H's story this week (one of the few things I can still do while I wait for the laser treatment to fix my extra-crappy vision) and I've determined I'll need to share around 40 chapters of H's backstory to pull it off properly.

One solution would be to start out with H's story, finish it (it's going to be around 75 chapters in total), then do the main story. I suppose that could work. I intend to write them so you could enjoy either one independently. And I know what I'm going to call H's story, while I'm still undecided on the official name of the main story. But I really liked the idea of slowly introducing readers to how everything works in the story, while H isn't human and most of his story takes place in the nonhuman world. One example is my main antagonist group, where I wanted a sort of slow reveal of how this one society is causing conflict for the others. H has to outright explain this group to someone in chapter 16 of my current outline, and circumstances require him to spend a winter with them, which takes about 10 chapters to cover. It would reveal a lot of things early, but I don't see a way around it.

So I guess that's going to be my really bad idea. Start my main comic, do 20-30 chapters, then start H's story and alternate chapters as the story requires. I am seriously risking artistic burnout with that setup, but I think it'll be worth the risk to tell the story properly.

[clubsmarties]

"Good. I need a moment to rest after being on all night with everyone at the gala." Wally made a slight face as he knew how new schools could go. "He's in for a new adventure. I hope he finds a happy little note in his new school. Little league? That sounds fun and like something that could potentially help acclimate him to his new surroundings. Was little league your idea?' There was a slight smirk at the question. He'd once heard her talk about baseball but it had been so brief he didn't think she'd think he'd remember.

"Ours." He repeated. "Why do you sound surprised? This is a you and I endeavor. Well, she can love both of us at the same time. You can't deny that you are special to her." Dolly made it clear she liked Liz whenever she'd come over and spent the night. That pup had a lot of love to give. "Next time ask her if she wants to come with you on a new adventure. Maybe better for her when I have to travel for work."

"Penguins take the cutest cake. I'll give you that. I can't believe that they have one of the sweetest mating rituals. If I could be any animal I'd be a penguin. For multiple reasons." He watched her and felt his eyebrows knit together. "That's okay. Maybe it was for the best. You can make a better nee memory next time. But if not at the place then maybe someplace else."

He nodded his head and sighed. "It was nice but still sometimes it was a bit lonely. I was my sister's third wheel when they met their future husband's and wife. We're close and in a way I'm lucky that my brother in law's were cool with me but still somedays it was a little weird to be surrounded by couples when you were just the odd man out." Wally had never shared this part of his reasons why he left to do his own things when the couples were out for an adventure. "It worked out too because then I got to explore." Her thanks made him nod in response.

"I don't know if words do it justice. I guess it's kind of weird to assume you'd ever been to a luau? It's nothing like that," he laughed, nervous all of a sudden. "They have projections on the tallest buildings. Each year it changes but the lights are colorful. The archway you walk through moves a little bit. So you get to see the lights reflected as you walk by."

Wally couldn't help but smile as he, too would call his family predictable. But it was only because they never really had a real family holiday growing up so doing it for the kids was like they were healing some part of their childhood that had been broken. The laugh still making it clear he didn't take offense at all. "I'm with you there but no, it's more like my sisters and I didn't celebrate the holiday as kids. You'd think, why? Weren't we rich? We'd have everything. Thing was that my mom was in Louisiana. My aunt didn't celebrate any holiday. So for us growing up December was just another month. Just birthdays for half of us then normal. We'd go out to the lake to see fireworks. My aunt worked four jobs to keep herself and us afloat. Her husband, my uncle cut her off when they divorced. We still missed our mother. Wanted her to come. In our innocence we wished for Santa to bring her to us every year. Took nearly a decade and some change for Santa to bring us all together again. When my aunt couldn't take us to the lake because she was waitressing here," he pointed to the establishment they were in. "She'd take care of us and we'd see the Christmas lights from the balcony." He laughed as Liz hit it right on the nail. "We do dinner. Usually at Andy and Di's. We all help out to make sure we all get fed. We actually took on my brother in law's tradition of staying up until midnight on Christmas Eve so the kids can open their gifts and then go to bed. Then in the morning they wake up to see what Santa brought them. Every year is rotates who gets the Santa gifts. Adults get something from the guy too. Watching the kids be so happy and filled with so much joy, that is what makes the holiday worth it. What we couldn't have as kids, the second generation have."

Wally shrugged his shoulders not really knowing if they were the same. "I suppose so, never been to either. Just heard of them actually. Laser tag any fun? Do you win or do you let Orion win?" The idea of a dark room could be fun but it also made him uneasy. Dark rooms usually weren't the most safe. Things could get out of hand quickly. "This is another reason why you and I go. Lighthouses are more interesting." He smiled given the topic at hand and how it seemed like it had her excited. At least if he nerded out she wouldn't completely think he was weird.

In a show of interest he stopped eating and pulled his eyes into attentive mode. Watching her with a smile as she reciprocated a lighthouse fact. This intrigued him and liked that she felt comfortable to do the same to him. He liked that she was comfortable talking to him and not letting the conversation die out. "Actually no I didn't. We should go to Maine." He'd take some time off work and thought why not go seek adventure with her. "I promise I will keep my random facts under ten if we go together. How'd you get into lighthouses?" Anything she'd share with him he'd eat up. He wanted to know her in a way she had never been known before. "Is it being the prettiest a scientific fact or your opinion?" He asked just wanting to know why if it was her personal opinion, was it the prettiest. What made it so for her. "How many are on your bucket list?" As he asked he took out his phone and opened up his notes. He wanted to see how many they could cross off the list just by being on this side of the world.

On the side there were about five wait staff that looked over at Wally's table and murmurs could be heard over his date. The whispers kept coming as they saw how invested Wally was and it seemed like to them that his companion also shared an interest. It was all in the body language they said.

"Ah, you are a kind sir considering my charging time. So few even acknowledge that a charging time is needed for us lot." It was said in another joking manner. Had it been anyone else but but Wally, or hell, if she had just been in a bad mood, she might had taken the comment personally. There was just something else about not taking everything so personally and letting herself enjoy hanging out with the man that seemed to be in her best interest right now. Not that she didn't enjoy it normally, but she knew that she was guarded, suspicious of his want to be around her. It was natural to her survival, if she let her guard down too much, he might learn the truth of her, which would just be the worst, dangerous. End up with her behind bars and that was the last thing she wanted.

With a sigh, she answered. "Good. They're enrolling him in a new school, closer to their home. Charlie says he seems to be interested in little league, so if there's still time, they're going to try to see if they can get him on it too. So, well I would say."

"Ours?" Her surprise evident in her tone. Something about being included in this scenario of his made her feel happy, it was a strange way though. Chalking it up to just being tipsy, she shook it off. "No, I'm pretty sure she loves you too much to want to just willingly follow me anywhere I go. Maybe a day, but I'm sure she'd miss you after that."

It wasn't that she didn't want to go back, but there were places that just held onto tiny bits of her that she didn't want back. Memories that she rather not have come back, had she been stronger like Charlie, she'd have no issue going back anywhere and everywhere to revisit sites with new eyes, new perspective, but that wasn't her. Always outrunning one things or another. "Yeah, something like that," she muttered in agreement. "I don't remember much," she lied. "So I would just say the lagoon, its where the flamingos were anyway."

There were moments where Elizabeth truly felt like she was someone else. Not the criminal pretending to be a regular person, just another person having a conversation with a friend, in a place that could become a home. These were one of those moments. Talking with Wally about inconsequential things like the mating rituals of animals and going to the zoo made her feel like a normal person. "That's because there's nothing as cute as penguins." She felt the need to defend, what she now knew , thanks to him, was her favorite animal. Her brows quirked at the sound of a head flag, a closed lip smile at his laugh as she tried to hold back laughter herself at the thought of a flamingo just shaking its head around to try to find a mate. Her hand came up to her mouth to keep her from laughing too loud at the image Wally presented of a person doing such a thing. Controlling her laughter, she added. "Penguins are too. They usually don't stray unless their partner dies or never comes back when they go for food, which is a long time, when the chicks are hatched. They build their little nests, rookeries, together starting with that one rock that the mate accepted and that's where they come back, stay, hatch their eggs. Everything."

It wasn't that she assumed she knew him, because that was further from the truth. She only knew what he had shared with her, which was a lot, but not everything. The only thing she did know well was that he always had some quip, fact, remark ready at the go to fill the silence that she always seemed to want to settle between them but he never did let it. It struck her as strange now that she couldn't recall the last moment they shared in silence, and stranger still that she actually had began to enjoy their conversations. To imagine him as anything but talkative seemed farfetched but the way he spoke about that time in their lives just clued her in that the upbringing that she had assumed he had was the furthest from it. Okay, so she might have made some assumptions, but based on her old experiences, it was miscalculated assumption. "It must have been nice to have them there, growing up I mean. And I thank you," she decided to be nice. "For the access to friendliness."

"Oh, you mentioned that during Easter. What's that like?" She was nothing, if not curious. Even if she wouldn't be around to experience a lot of what this place had to offer, she would at least hear about it. "Christmas, so," she took a moment to think before chuckling out. "Predictable." It wasn't meant as a mean thing, but she knew that someone like Wally, with family, would love the holiday. Most of them anyways. More interested on the flower before her, she added. "Not in a bad way, but with the way your family is so close, I can see why you would like Christmas. I bet you guys get all together and do the Christmas dinner thing and wait until the kids go to sleep to say Santa came, huh." It was more wistful than presented as a fact. She hoped that he did, something about him, though the little time she had known him, wished that for him. The kind of families that she read about, saw through windows, an actual family.

She had to stifle a laugh at glow in the dark room, thoughts of an old dealer that ran in the same circles as her came to mind. The darkened room with tie dye glow in the dark, black light posters of psychedelic designs that littered the walls. "Umm." Thinking over how to best answer that, she took another sip from her drink and thought about a time she did laser tag with Orion, that seemed like a better answer. "Does a laser tag room count? From the way you describe it, it sounds like its something that I can totally skip. I'm more excited about this lighthouse." For some unknown reason, she felt the need to show that she took could be filled with useless facts about something they liked. "Did you know Michigan has the most lighthouses and there's even one off Lake Superior that you can see the aurora borealis at but the prettiest ones are in Maine." That was actually a matter of opinion, hers, and it would not change. "But there are some nice looking ones around the world, want to see them all one day."

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

The Storm

Summary: You work with Jack Crawford and Alana is your cousin, both of you live together for a long time. She gets caught up with a flat tire far away and asks you to let Will in, for he's expecting her. A storm is coming, and she keeps taking longer and longer to show up. Will the universe conspire in your favor?

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: swearing, insinuation of smut, fluff.

Word count: 4.328

A/n: I'm starting to consider changing this tumblr for a Hannibal one, mostly Will Graham, so some requests from other fandoms would be nice haha hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing ♥️

*not my gif

There wasn't a thing such as a boring day at the BAU. 

At least not when you're part of Jack Crawford's crew. There was always an interesting case to focus on, a disfigured body to study the reason of death, it was always a thrilling hunt for evidence. The best experience I've ever had so far in my career, and I could only thank my cousin Alana for putting me on the Guru's radar. I was a great crime scene investigator, albeit a little younger than people gave me credit for. I taught people not to underestimate me over the years, though. I got here by my own effort, being a tenacious, hard-working woman who wouldn't get a no for an answer. 

I got along well with my crewmates, Beverly Katz, Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price, though our relationship hardly extended for life outside work. Except for Beverly, we went out for a couple of beers sometimes, she was fun, witty and I really liked our conversations. Jack was the big boss, and that was it. I had a lot of respect for him, and I knew he didn't regret bringing me to his team, I could see it in his eyes in the first case I've got. I was very cunning when I shared my insights about the cases, sometimes I saw things no one else could, no one but…

Of course, I was far, far away from being a Will Graham. But ever since I was younger, I've had this sort of intuition that helped me to solve problems, I would solve riddles easily and when people asked me how I got to the answer, I wouldn't know the steps, I just knew deep in my bones I was right. That happened a lot when I was growing up and was even stronger now that I knew how to use it. It was some artifice of my inconscient, something I could always count on. It included everything in my life, math, logical thinking, riddles. My brain picked things I couldn't perceive clearly, bringing them to the clear waters of my conscience. 

Will Graham was a curious man. He intrigued me from the very first moment I saw him at the house of one of the last victims of The Minnesota Shrike, Garret Jacob Hobbs, now dead. He was practically hiding in a corner, his eyes closed behind the lens of his glasses, dark wavy hair, jawline for days. He seemed highly focused until Beverly started to talk to him, pulling him out of his daze. He could barely look at her, or at me, and although he looked socially awkward and troubled, he still managed to look like a daydream. I studied every inch of his face, lowering my gaze when he seemed to get uncomfortable, after smiling lightly. I was a bit shy myself. I lived with Alana and, when I got home that night, I absentmindedly asked her about that curious handsome man who seemed to be out of place, yet so connected to that scene. She started to talk about him, but stopped once she noticed my interest. Then, she told me he was a very unstable person, that she wouldn't even be alone in the room with him because of her professional curiosity. As time passed and he solved more and more cases, I could see how people looked at him like an attraction of the zoo. However, not me, and later, not Beverly. Brian didn't seem to like him very much, I could see. Envy, perhaps? Nevertheless, the more I saw Will, the more intrigued I got. He avoided eye contact like the plague, but as I was always friendly and tried my best to treat him like a normal person, not focusing only on work, dead bodies and serial killers, I saw more of those beautiful blue eyes. He knew I was Alana's cousin, and I sooner realized he had a fling for her. 

And boy, did that break my silly little heart. I wasn't surprised, though. Who could blame him? Alana was amazing. I never felt resentful for that, but as time passed, I started to detach from the idea of Will being somewhat more than a simple acquaintance. That afternoon, I was going home from work when I got a call from Alana.

"Speak fast, I'm driving." I said, keeping one hand on the wheel and the other holding my phone.

"You're going home? Great. I invited Will so we could talk about a profile I'm building, but I got caught up here. I already spoke to him, he's almost there, can you let him in? He said he'll wait, and I'll be home in about fifty minutes, no more than that, hopefully." She said in a hurry, and I felt my cheeks burn a little. Will and me? Home alone? 

"I…" I hesitated, chewing my bottom lip nervously. "You won't be long, right? Heard on the radio there’s a storm for later."

"I won't, promise. Just let him in, he's already aware I'll take a little longer to be there. See you soon. Thanks, Y/n!" She hung up, not leaving me any time to answer. I put the phone down, still chewing on my bottom lip. I could feel excitement rising on my stomach, making me feel slightly nauseated, and noticed my hands starting to sweat.

Please. That was ridiculous. What was I, a teenager? I was a grown-up, well-succeeded woman, for God's sake. I rubbed my hands on my jeans, driving a little faster than I usually did almost unconsciously. I got home after twenty minutes, parking outside the pretty house. Will was already there, leaning against his car, so lost in his thoughts he barely noticed I'd arrived. I looked at my reflection at the mirror hurriedly, fixing my hair, pinching my cheeks to look less pale, brushing my eyebrows with my fingers to make them look neat. I wasn't even wearing any lipstick today. It had been a long day at work. 

I opened the car door, exiting the vehicle, the noise from shutting the door finally bringing him out of his daze, and he finally seemed to notice me. He smiled lightly, lowering his eyes. He had his glasses on, but as soon as he saw me, he took them off, hanging them on his shirt.

"Hey, Will. I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. There was a little bit of traffic." I justified, walking to the porch and waiting for him to follow me. 

"Y/n. Not at all, I just got here. Alana explained what happened, thanks for coming to let me in. Hope I didn't ruin any appointment you may have had." He waited until I unlocked the door, and we finally were engulfed with the warm air of the heater.

"Nope, I was coming home, no appointments lost. Please, come in. I'm not sure you've ever been here before, but make yourself home." I hung my trench coat, sighing with the pleasure of being home. I loved the atmosphere of that place. "Can I get you anything? Water, soda, beer…"

"Thank you. I'm fine. And no, I haven't been here before." I held back the temptation of saying "good", biting my bottom lip as I watched him sit on the couch. I just stood there for a while, not sure of what to do next. 

He frowned a little, probably thinking why I was acting so weird, and that made me nervous, because it was just an easy step to realize my silly crush on him. Did he know? What if Alana said something? Said something? For fuck's sake, he was Will Graham, he could probably see that written across my stupid face! Shit, he knows. I'm making a fool of myself. Why do I even…

"Is everything okay?" His voice startled me a little, pulling me out of my neurotic breakdown, and I wondered how my facial expressions looked. Was I blinking only one eye like the stereotyped madness of cartoons? I certainly didn't look normal. I cleared my throat, laughing lightly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm not really used to having people over anymore. I've been working a lot lately. People are dying like flies." I sat on the armchair in front of him, sighing. 

"What we do can be overwhelming sometimes. What we see every day. It just… stains you." He said, with a dark look on his serious eyes. 

I nodded. I felt that way sometimes, but I was used to it. I stopped feeling that sense of inadequacy on my chest years ago. 

"I guess you just begin to cope with it, though. Our brain adapts to that harsh reality. But it's always nice to vent somehow. What do you do in your free time?" I asked, wondering if I was getting too personal. Did I sound like I was probing to ask him out?  I felt my face getting warm. Damn it.

Either he didn't realize, or he was just too chivalrous to point, but he didn't mention anything.

"I fish." He said, simply. I nodded with a light smile.

"And you play with your doggies." I pointed, smiling wider. I loved dogs. He'd mentioned them before, so I just brought the subject up, trying to shift the attention from me to them. Will smiled back, his eyes with a subtle glow. He really loved them, and that was so sweet. "Fishing sounds nice. Unfortunately, I could never. I'm too restless. I'd probably startle all the fish and wouldn't catch anything."

He laughed, and that was the first time I ever heard that sound coming out of him. I felt like I was someone deaf that was able to hear the sound of Mozart's symphonies for the first time, and I just knew. There was never detachment from the idea of Will being more than an acquaintance. It was tackled down inside my brain somewhere, for the brain tends to adapt to harsh realities, but it was still there, just waiting for some incentive. 

"It's just a matter of training, getting used to it. I could teach you someday… if you want." He blinked a few times, as if he was surprised with his own boldness, smiling lightly. "And you? What do you do to vent?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"Well, I read a lot. Maybe I could read by the riverside while I watch you fish." I said, shrugging with a subtle smile.

"It's a date, then?" Will inquired, making me mortified. Caught me by total surprise, and when I was about to say something, my phone rang.

"Excuse me." I answered the phone. It was Alana. "Hey. We're already here waiting for you."

Not that I wanted her to arrive any time sooner, but she didn't have to know that.

"You won't believe me; I've got a flat tire. There's a guy helping me out, I was lucky, I'm in the middle of nowhere. But I'll get there in about fifty more minutes, more or less. Can you put Will on the phone? I'll explain everything to him."

"Do you need one of us to pick you up? I'm sure he wouldn't mind, I wouldn't…"

"No, he's almost done. Thank you. Let me talk to Will, I'll be there soon. The storm is about to catch me, I wanna hurry."

I sighed, grimacing at him. 

"She wants to talk to you." I passed him the phone, studying his expressions while he talked to her. As I looked at the window, I could see the dark clouds gathering up, making the end of the afternoon murky. The storm was about to hit hard. I could see a few thin drops of rain starting to wet the glass.

"I can stay a little longer, no problem. I'm being well attended." He traded looks with me, biting his lip slightly. "Okay. I'll see you soon, Alana."

He gave me the phone, but Alana was already gone. I put it on the coffee table, getting up.

"I think I'll pour myself some wine. Do you want some?" I asked politely. "It's one of the fanciest ones; Hannibal gave us a bottle when we dined at his house a few days ago."

"Yes. Thank you." He waited for me to come back with the beverages, and I did my best not to spill anything, sitting on the couch beside him while I gave him the glass. "So you're acquainted with Dr. Lecter?"

"Oh yeah, he's an old friend of Alana's, sometimes he invites us to dinner. He cooks the best meals I've ever had in my entire life, so I don't exactly decline the invitations. And he's one of the most brilliant people I've ever met, so it's always interesting." I took a sip of the crimson liquid, moaning low in pleasure. Good wine. I preferred a good cup of hot oolong, but it was impossible not to appreciate the quality of that drink. 

A few glasses after and a lot of talks about dogs, fishing and other hobbies, he finally felt safe to bring back the topic. The rain had started really pouring, the now thicker drops hitting the windows loudly. Alana hadn't called again. It was nighttime now, the sky seeming to be darker than usual. I was low-key worried about her, but the conversation was too great to interrupt. She was a good driver. She would be just fine. 

"I've been seeing Hannibal Lecter in his office. Not exactly his patient, though. A courtesy of Jack Crawford to keep an eye on the coping of my brain functions." He sounded a bit bitter, drinking a few sips of his wine.

I could see he didn't like therapy. Must be hard with someone with a mind like his.

"You know, sometimes, Alana psychoanalyses me. Like, she doesn't even notice. It's cute, but sometimes it creeps me out." 

"She has a professional curiosity about me, but she's too polite and considerate to let it slip out. We've never even been alone in the same room together."

I held back a bitter comment, not wanting to talk shit about my cousin, but he saw it right through me. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put you in a complicated position."

"I know. You're sweet." The word slipped through my tongue before I could contain it. Will blinked a few times, seeming surprised, and I felt my cheeks burn, starting to stutter. "I meant… I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, no. It's just… no one's ever called me that before." It was my time to get surprised. He didn't seem to be complimented much, and that just made me flabbergasted. I couldn't be the only one who saw how fantastic Will was.

"... Ah. Well, some people are just shy. I'm shy as hell, don't even know how I had the nerve to say that, it's probably the wine starting to kick in. Hope I really didn't make you uncomfortable, though. Don't need to be polite, it's okay to tell me."

"Actually, I'm curious to know what else you think of me. I sense it's not the only word you have to define me." He sounded bolder, and his eyes were on mine, giving me shivers down my spine. 

"Well… I think you're too exceptional to be defined with a few words. You're… Kind, brilliant… I see how seeing what you see, doing what you do, how it wrecks you sometimes, and you just keep doing it because you're saving lives. That's so selfless, Will. That's…" I was going to say more, but at that very moment, a loud thunder just made the house practically tremble, and I let out a real inelegant weep, coming closer to Will and holding his arm firmly, my fingers grabbing on the fabric of his shirt. He could've thought it was an artifice to get closer to him, but he could see how frightened I was, trembling like a cornered wild little beast. I hated thunders, fireworks, anything loud. Feeling ridiculous, I released his shirt, apologizing with embarrassment.

"It's okay. It's just noise. I'm here." He put some of my hair that had fallen to my face behind my ear with such a tenderness that I felt my stomach twitch, realizing suddenly how close we were. He was looking at me as if it was the first time he was actually seeing me. 

The phone rang again. Alana! I grabbed it from the coffee table, turning to face Will. He wasn't avoiding eye contact anymore, his pupils were dilated. My breathing was accelerated, and I knew it had little to do with the thunder.

"Lana, is everything okay?" I asked with genuine concern. "Are you close?"

"Ah, Y/n. I'm so sorry. I don't think I'll make it in time, I'm driving slow, the roads are slippery because of the storm and it's pretty foggy. I'll stop at a motel and spend the night, or at least wait for the storm to pass. I'm so furious with myself!"

"It's okay cuz, do what's safer for you. I'm sure Will will understand. I'll pass him the phone." I gave him the phone and he talked to Alana for a few minutes, but I wasn't listening. She'd ruined the moment unintentionally, and now he was probably going home. When would I have an opportunity like that again? 

"Okay. Don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Alana. Take care." He gave me the phone and I put it on the coffee table again. Before any of us could say anything, another thunder cracked the sky, and this time, Will held me so I wouldn't be afraid. The lights went out, and he held me against his chest protectively, making me smell his aftershave and some perfume. He smelled so good. For a moment, I just stood there in his arms, feeling his warmth, his breath, the steady beats of his heart. 

I moved away just a little to see his face, very close to mine, but it was so dark I could only see shadows. A lightning lit up the room and, just for a little moment, I could see his gorgeous eyes staring at me. After a soft touch of his thumb on my lips, he finally kissed me, so gentle, like I could break as fine china with any rougher move. I touched his neck with both my hands, playing with his hair, feeling how soft they were. He pulled me closer, his hands on my waist, and the kiss started to get deeper, voracious, as if we were hungry for each other. Maybe the wine was helping to raise the lust; all I know is that I've wanted that to happen for a long time. Will's kiss was everything I imagined it would be, but entirely different at the same time. All I could say was that he was great at it. His hands traveled through my body, and I grabbed his hair, pulling it slightly. That made a low growl echo through his chest, and I started to feel my body fervent as a bonfire.

I couldn't say much because I was breathless and I didn't want to stop what we were doing, so a single word left my lips as I kept my forehead on his.

"Stay."

Will bit his lip, kissing me again, and that was all the answer I needed.

xx 

Morning. Thin sunrays illuminated my bedroom floor through the curtains, waking me up. The storm was gone. I haven't had a nice night of sleep like that in ages. I looked at the other side of my bed and there was Will, sleeping heavily. It wasn't a dream, after all. Last night really happened. I smiled, staring at the roof with disbelief in my eyes.

I stared at him for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. Should I just let him sleep? He looked so heavenly, his hair was messy, his breathing steady, he seemed so less troubled than he usually was. I touched his hair lightly, caressing it with tenderness, and he started to move. I could see his neck, and a few hickies we marked on his albescent skin. That made me blush a little bit, and I laughed silently. 

He opened his eyes while I still touched his hair, but I didn't stop, and he didn't seem to want me to. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments, and he smiled, a different smile than the usual ones he gave me.

"Hi." He said, pulling me closer by my waist, stroking the skin under the sheets. I pecked him on the lips, then kissing his forehead, his cheek, his jawline. 

"Hey there. Good morning. I'm starving, are you having breakfast with me?"

"Actually, I gotta go home. Feed the dogs." He said, stroking my nude shoulder with his finger.

"Of course. Your dogs. I won't keep you then, poor babies must be so hungry." I kissed his cheek and was about to get up when he pulled me again, gently kissing my lips. I smiled, probably looking like an idiot. A joyful idiot. "I'll let you get dressed. I'll be in the kitchen."

I dressed up in my long and black robe, smiling at him before I left the room, going to the kitchen, where I started to make some french toasts. After a few minutes, I heard the front door open, and an exhausted Alana came in, her hair frizzy and her coat looking still a bit wet.

"Oh, Lana! Go change, you'll get a cold!" I stopped what I was doing, going to her and helping to take off her coat.

"That storm was a nightmare. I swear I won't ignore the warnings ever again. I'm so sorry, I had no idea it would get this bad, yesterday was one of those days where everything just goes wrong. Hope Will arrived well at home, did he seem disappointed or annoyed before he left? I was so inconvenient…"

I didn't even have time to answer, because Will opened my bedroom door, coming out while buttoning his shirt, suddenly realizing Alana was there.

"Oh." Alana said, looking so flabbergasted I almost laughed at her. Will rose his eyebrows at the sight of her, seeming a bit unsure of what to do or say. I wasn't planning for her to find out like this, it was a bit early, I wasn't expecting her to arrive so soon. "Hi, Will."

"Alana. Hi." He avoided looking at her, staring at me, and his eyes immediately softened. I smiled, he smiled back, and that was it, Alana was forgotten.

"Off you go to feed your children." I joked, biting my bottom lip. "I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Definitely." He simply said, kissing my forehead while caressing my hair, certainly a little embarrassed to kiss me in front of Alana. "See you later, Y/n. Bye, Alana."

"Bye, Will." I waved with a soft smile, and he grabbed his jacket, leaving the house.

My smile grew larger and I left my head fall back, squeaking low in commemoration. What a night! What a morning! I never thought I would thank a storm so much, let alone a bloody thunder.

Before Alana could say anything, I realized Will had left his glasses at the coffee table, and I picked it up in a hurry, bursting through the front door and calling him before he left, waving in front of the car.

"You forgot your glasses!" I said, and he opened the car windows, raising his hand to pick them.

I leaned against the car window, putting the glasses on him, and kissing his lips fiercely. He moaned in surprise, holding my face to deepen the kiss. After a moment, I pulled away, appreciating the view of his lips so reddish. 

"Go back inside, it's cold." He said with a cheeky smile, and before I could say he actually made me hotter, he took off with the car.

I went back inside, where Alana was waiting for me with her arms crossed. 

"What the hell did you do to Will Graham?" She asked, sounding severe, but a smile was trying to escape her lips "I mean, besides trying to suck his soul with your mouth a few moments ago."

"Oh, shut up!" I laughed, blushing violently. "You made that happen, you know? Thank you. Was that a set up or did the universe actually conspire in my favor?"

"I wish I'd planned this. That would mean I would've had a plan b and I wouldn't have stayed at that disgusting mote… Y/n, you're full of hickies, I can't believe you!"

"You're starting to sound like my mom, Lana. I'm gonna wear a turtleneck, don't worry, I don't want Beverly all over me like a bloodhound and Brian and Jimmy's witty comments today. In fact, keep it to yourself, okay? Will's discreet. I won't even tell Beverly, if she finds out, the whole bureau will know, hell, maybe even Freddie Lounds."

"I told you to let it go, Y/n. Will's very unstable right now. I… I only want what's best for you." She said with concern in her bright blue eyes. I sighed, walking to her and kissing her cheek with affection.

"You're a good cousin. But I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself, okay? Unless this isn't only about me, unless it concerns something else." I raised an eyebrow while staring at her, more confident that I've ever been. "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

She hesitated, clenching her jaw, but never spoke. 

I smiled, tapping her cheek very lightly in approval.

"I gotta get ready to work. Wanna grab lunch with me later?" I asked in a casual tone, a cynical smile on my face. She shrugged. "See you later then, cuz."

[thisismrswilson]

Part 2!

Part 1 is right here.

A/n: Just wanna get the story out of my system. Feel free to read though! Grade D English right here :')

No way. That long-haired baby he used to hang out with is standing right in front of him. He's never met him for a long time since. How should Sam even react?

'I really miss you!' or 'you clean up nice.' What kind of conversation should he start with? 'I see that your hair aged backwards.'

Sam shook off his thoughts and just held out his hand for a handshake. "It's been a long time." Formal, and decent.

Bucky was no different. He did not want to mess up his first impression on Sam. But wait, they've seen each other in diapers, what's the worst that could happen? Bucky had his mouth agape but no words came out. He sighed a breath of relief when Sam took charge. Bucky returned the handshake. "Yeah, you too." He wanted to say more but let's save him the humiliation. And goodness, he's never felt a hand as gentle as Sam's. Calloused, yes. But oh so gentle. Pretty orbs in his eyes, adorable cheekbones and gentle hands? Too good to be true.

When they let go of each other's hands, Steve smiled. "What have both of you been up to?"

Bucky and Sam shared their life journey until the present day. Steve was really proud to see them grow up to be good men. In return, Steve shared a few of his experiences after babysitting both of them. Let's not forget Alpine and Figaro, they have passed on.

"So, dating anyone? Married?" Steve asked, merely curious. Bucky snickered, "Look at me, who'd want to date me? Single as a pringle." Steve hit him gently on the arm. "Don't say that. You'll never know. Someone will love you for who you are."

Steve turned to Sam. "How bout you?"

Sam looked between both of them and a small smile creeps onto his face. There's the gorgeous smile, and the breathtaking tooth gap.

Bucky did lost his breath for a second. He's so glad he's in the hospital in case he desperately needs oxygen.

"I, uh, I'm dating someone. We're planning to meet. Maybe someday this week." Sam got really happy thinking about Patrick. Not today but someday, hopefully Patrick respond with a day in mind.

"I hope the best for the both of you." Steve gently pats his arm. Sam receives a ping on his phone and took it out. His face contorts, his eyebrows pinch together and oh boy, he looks upset.

"What is it?" Steve breaks the silence. Sam put his phone away a little bit aggressively and looked away. "Uh, forget what I said. I'm single."

"I'm really sorry." Steve apologized. Sam couldn't breathe in the room, filled with pity for him. He needed to escape. "It's alright, I- ah, I got errands to run. See you."

He rushed out of the room, and almost came close to a body with blood bag attached to their veins on a bed, passing through the hallway. He gasped at the sight and had to go to the nearest restroom.

Bucky left Steve's ward in time to see Sam disappear into the Gents. Bucky went after him.

He swings the door open to find Sam hunched over the sink, glaring at it.

"What did that sink ever do to you?" Bucky chuckled a little. Sam looked at Bucky through the mirror, still glaring. Good going Bucky, you're not making this any better.

"I- I'm sorry. What I meant to say was are you alright?" Bucky asked.

"I just got dumped and saw a blood bag on a wounded patient, I am peachy." His voice croaked.

Bucky winced. "I'd... Help if I knew how to.." he rocked on his feet, nervous on how to approach the whole situation.

"I'll be fine. Thank you."

One long pause. Sam raised his head, looking away from the sink and Bucky is still there. "Yes?"

Bucky stuttered, "Uh, no, yeah I'll be on my way out-" he planned to leave but his feet went back in.

Sam just raised an eyebrow at Bucky's reaction. Bucky's brain short-circuit having Sam's full attention and knowing that he's judging everything Bucky is doing right now. "Uhh- I um- So uh, you still got errands to run?"

"Yeah."

"Oh alright then-" Bucky turned on his heels.

"To get out of the hospital."

Bucky stopped and turn back. "So, you're free?"

"Yeah. What are you getting at?"

"I was thinking we could catch up over coffee? After, of course, we leave this place."

Sam considered his invitation. What was he going to do later anyways? Mope around because he got dumped? Darling, this is Sam Wilson. He's not letting any man get in the way of living his best life.

"Yeah, let's catch up over that coffee."

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The Perfect Bad Boy (Pt. 08 of 18)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Summary: Working as a lifeguard in the Hawkins Community Pool, you try to fit in after moving from New York. Things were going pretty well when you notice you've been under someone's stare. Billy Hargrove, Hawkins' bad boy, has been staring at you since day one. You never intended to have anything to do with him, judging by the reputation he has. But Billy won't leave you alone, determined to show you his feelings are different this time...

Word count: 2.2K

As if your heart flooding you with confusing feelings wasn't enough, there are weird, strange animals lurking in the woods... But those have to be just part of the wild live of the woods surrounding Hawkins... Right?

<- Previous part (07)

Next part (09) ->

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

Something In The Woods...

To say you're pissed is an understatement. A storm is passing by, which brought a heavy summer rain over Hawkins. And since the pool is closed when it's raining, you called Billy, inviting him over for lunch. But minutes later Monica called you to say that the manager wants to make a training session on first aid with all the lifeguards. As if you didn't know. You, as did everyone, had to go through a test before getting the job.

It's impressing to know that you wouldn't be so mad if you didn't have plans with Billy. So you make sure to close the meeting room door with a loud thud when you get in, muttering good morning to everyone before sitting beside Billy in the back.

“So much for that lunch date.” He says.

“It wasn't a date,” you tell him. “I just wanted to make a lasagna and since my aunt had to go to the clinic, I thought you'd like to join me.” Shrugging your shoulders, you give him a sassy look. Of course you wanted to spend time with him, and this rainy day would make it perfect...

“Doesn't Diane get tired of driving all the way to Indianapolis? It's a two-hour drive.”

“Diane loves driving. And she owns the clinic so she can pretty much make her own schedules.” You feel when your leg touches his. “Why do we have to do this training thing? As if we didn't know how to perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation.”

“Anthony is a dick.” He mumbles as the manager starts talking. But you don't plan to pay attention. Billy suddenly pulls your chair closer, so it's glued to his. He then puts an arm around your shoulders. “Better.”

Rolling your eyes, you pretend to listen to the long speech Anthony gives. It goes on for two hours, and you can't help but make funny comments with Billy, as he holds back the laughs, what makes the manager give you both angry stares. When the training is done, Anthony says that those who were supposed to be working today will have to stay. Which is great because it means you.

“I swear to God I'll report Anthony,” Monica complains, sitting beside you and Billy by the pool, your legs on the water. The rain stopped, but the heavy clouds are promising that more is to come. “May I sit here or will you guys make out?”

“I'm down for it if she is,” Billy smirks.

“Of course you can sit here, Mon.” You elbow him, rolling your eyes. “How's Christopher?” You decide to change the subject and tease her instead.

“He gave me this.” She shows her hand, which has a ring on it. “It's nothing but... It means something to us.”

The sweet smile on her lips brings joy to your heart. It's no doubt they're in love with each other. You wonder if you'll be attending to their weeding someday.

Your hand comes to the necklace Billy made you, which you've been wearing every day. As you feel Monica's ring has a secret meaning, known only by her and Christopher, this necklace has a secret meaning too. You give Billy a quick glance, just to check if he's wearing his. And you smile to see he is. Your stomach burns when your eyes meet, and you look away.

“You look very good together,” Mon says, gesturing at you and Billy.

“I know,” Billy says, and you can hear the cocky smile through his voice.

You elbow him again, a little harder, and you laugh at the exaggerated groan he makes. “I–” You're cut off because you're suddenly lifted and thrown in the water. You sink right before pushing yourself up again. “You idiot!” You throw water at him, and Monica moves away

“Oh, he got ya,” Mon yells in between her laughs.

“I hate you!” Using both his knees as a support, you push yourself up, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him into the water too. You're aware he actually pushed himself because you wouldn't be able to pull him all by yourself. But you ignore it, slapping him lightly and throwing water on him.

He does the same, but soon enough he starts pulling you close. You're a breathless mess, trying to swim away from him. But, obviously, you slowly surrender, allowing him to hold you. “We should get out. Anthony won't like it.”

“As you wish, princess.” He won't push you. That much is clear.

At the end of the day, you're walking to your cars under light rain. You invited Billy for dinner since lunch was ruined by Anthony and all the small amount of power he let get to his head being the manager. He gives you a glance when you part ways. “What?”

“Come in my car.”

“But I have to drive this baby home.” You gesture at your car, walking backwards.

“Why don't you let me pick you up and drive you home from now on? Save up some gas.” It's so stupid how his smile makes you blush even from afar.

“What about your gas, Hargrove?” You ask as you get into the car. “Let's get going. That lasagna won't make itself.” Winking at him, you speed away, determined to get to your place before he does.

He does make a mess on the road since he was quick to follow that you were trying to outrun him. The dark clouds are making the night crawl in faster, and it's getting dark soon. Eventually, you both get stuck on the same red light, and you take a look at him through the review mirror. You're growing closer, way too close, but you're trying not to think about it too much. You're enjoying it, taking in all the moments you share.

You still can't force yourself to kiss him... It would make you go way too deep in this, head first, and you think you need some more time. But it doesn't mean it's not torture when he stands too close. It's a freaking war against yourself to step away. That's the big decision you've been avoiding.

Taking a deep breath, you look at your right, at the woods. This road is one of your favorites because it cuts through the forest, and you have the trees surrounding you from both sides. It looks beautiful, even through the darkness. You would certainly get lost in there. Guess you'll still need some time for that too, to get used and learn your way through Hawkins woods. A smile comes to your lips when you see something moving, among the trees. A deer, maybe. You know there are deers here. Squinting your eyes, you try to see it better, to find out what it really is. Most of its body is hidden behind a thick tree, and when it moves, slowly, you can see the head. You're suddenly taken aback because that's not a deer. It bolts away, further into the woods. A strange sensation builds up in your core. But you push it down. There must be several wild animals here, and that must be one of them... It looks more like a dog, a strange dog because its skin looked weird, naked. Sticky, even.

You're dragged out of your thoughts when Billy's speeds pass you, blasting the horns. Rolling your eyes, you set in motion too.

Billy gets to your house first, waiting by the front door with a smirk on his face. “You won the battle, Hargrove, not the war,” you say, unlocking the door and stepping in. “I saw something in the woods back there, by the way.”

“Another squirrel?”

“No, it was bigger.” You move to the kitchen and he follows you. “I thought it could be a deer but the head was shaped differently. And it looked like the fur was ripped off.”

As you start getting what you'll need for the lasagna, you wait for him to say anything. But he doesn't, so you turn to look at him. Billy is frozen, by the table, his eyes with a blank expression, suddenly glued to the floor. You've never seen him like this, worried as if there was an imminent danger around you right now. “Billy? Are you ok?” You walk over him, taking his hand. He takes a deep breath before looking at you, his eyes softening.

“Yes, I just remembered the accident. Not a very pleasant memory.”

“Well, try to relax.” You pull the chair and gestures for him to sit down, and when he does, you start trying to massage his shoulders. By what he told you, Billy had a rough life, and you hate to see how sad he gets when a bad memory hits. You like him, so very much, that you just want to make him feel better. “I suck at this, hope I'm not hurting you.”

“Uhm...” He grabs your arms and pulls you suddenly, making you bend over until both your arms are around his neck, your face is next to his. “But this is much better.”

“Jerk,” you mutter, standing back up and going to the kitchen counter. “Now come help me.”

“Immediately, ma'am.”

“So... You kept your promise,” you say, avoiding his eyes. “You've been wearing your piece.” You gesture at the earring.

“I told you I would.” He moves closer, a hand taking the earring that's around your neck. “I'm glad to see you're using your piece to, princess.”

“Stop calling me that, Billy,” you say in a low voice. The name makes you so damn nervous, and the tone he uses only makes it worse. It's low, calming... And it feels like it burns right through you.

“Why? I know you like it.”

“I–” You're interrupted by the front door being open, and Diane's light voice greeting you.

The night goes on pretty nicely. Your aunt gives you some space, only joining you for dinner. When Billy goes home, it's almost eleven. But in the next three days, the summer storm keeps the pool closed, and lucky for you, one of the days was your day off. So you went to his place, spend all day there, doing literally nothing, just laying on the couch and talking.

All the time you spend with him is never enough. You always have to go back home, and when you do, you're missing him already. You usually wake up holding the pillow and imagining how it would feel like to lay on his chest and fall asleep beside him...

Today, the storm finally was blown away, and it looks like the sun is angry for being hid for days because it's so damn hot. You've never seen the pool so crowded, and you've been walking around all day, looking out for the kids. You're drained out after lunch, and despite trying to stay on your chair, you can't. A five years old kid slipped and fell into the water, and you had to pick him up. Thankfully, he was well and resumed playing in seconds. But the sun is being rough on you today, and the heat is so much worse. Even in the shadow, you feel it like you're in a damn oven.

“(Y/N). Drink some water.” Billy hands you a bottle and you take a sip. “Have more. You're a little pale today.”

“Yeah, this place is overflowing. Half of Hawkins is here.” You tell him, eyes still scanning through the sea of people. “I need you to go back to your chair, please. The kids are crazy today, Billy, help me out.” You touch his shoulder, using his body as a support for a few seconds. “If you yell, they'll obey.”

“Alright, but drink some water every once in a while, ok?”

“Alright.” You let go of him, offering a small smile when he worriedly looks down at you.

You start pacing around again, warning the kids over and over again not to run. Your head is killing you, like the sun is hitting you with a freaking hammer. And you're so damn tired already, but the people just keep coming, diving and yelling. You're usually happy to see them having fun, but today you're beaten up as if you were hit by a car this morning. The ground bellows your feet starts moving, and you have to use the wall to regain your balance. Your throat is dry, but the cafeteria is on the other side of the pools and you're way too exhausted to walk all the way there. You decide to just head back to the chair to rest a bit.

You see white dots on your sight as you walk, struggling to move on a straight line, using one of your hands blocking the sun from your eyes. When you finally reach your chair, you breathe out in relief. You're about to push yourself up when you lose your strength, lowering your body until you're sitting on the ground.

“Are you ok?” Someone asks, and you see her figure kneeling by your side.

You nod, trying to get back up, but your body doesn't seem to work. You close your eyes shut when everything spins around, and then it just goes black.

×

@chloe-skywalker @dpaccione @tilesandtokens @dreamin-of-dacre @funeral-7 @uncookspaget @youhavemyfantasticbeasts

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #142: A Formidable Album (5/21/21)

So... how 'bout that album release week?

There's so much to cover; the release of nine new songs, the hype that's building for the World's Best Band to return to the stage, and (if we're able to come up for air) the massive speculation of what the future brings for our band.

I'm gonna get right into it, laying out my thoughts regarding this bold new album and covering all the most notable news from the week. I'll be sharing my (mostly) positive opinions about Scaled and Icy under the Read More line; I hope they're the start of a fun conversation with all of y'all who have stuck around through this last year.

Scaled and Icy Review

First, my general thoughts on the album: It's good! Really good. Do I think it's a no-skip like Vessel or a cohesive piece of art like Trench? Absolutely not! But it's also not the potential misfire that I worried that we might be getting when I first heard "Saturday" (more on that later); I think all of the songs are at least good, and some of them are downright great tracks that hold up with anything else that our band has ever released. It is also indisputably very different, but I think that generally works pretty well. Many of the songs evoke '60s rock or Britpop sounds and structures that you can tell Tyler is still trying to navigate, but I think he does a very solid job at adapting them to suit his strengths- namely his lyricism and knack for melody- rather than change to suit them. Unfortunately, this does result in a bit of square-peg-in-round-hole syndrome at times; most of the rap verses on the album feel like they're here just to fulfill an obligation to fans who would be mad if they weren't here, and most of the songs that use them are the weakest ones in the project.

"Good Day" plays a major role in getting the rest of the album to work as well as it does. Its gradual ramp-up, introducing the sound that will be used throughout the rest of the album. Its playfulness belies its message about how one can project a somewhat false optimism for oneself in the midst of tragedy: the type of dark stuff in a bright package that Tyler is so so good at. It's perhaps not an instant classic, but I am excited to see how it comes across when it's eventually used as a show-opener. 9/10

I've of course already discussed "Shy Away"; an anthemic, inimitably catchy track that I just wish had a bit more going on under the hood. Still going to be so good to hear thousands of voices scream "An 'I LOVE YOU' that isn't words!" someday. 9.5/10

"Choker" definitely took a little bit to grow on me. I think part of that was a bit of disappointment from over-inflated expectations and the environment I was in when I first heard it. With further listens, I fall more and more in love with the melody of the song... well, most of it. Like the rest of this album, the biggest weakness in the song is when Tyler tries to tick the box of having a rap verse; it just feels really out of place, unfinished, and almost amateurish, and it doesn't end the song on the note that it really should. Without it, it'd be one of my favorites on the album; with it, "Choker" is a solid 8.5/10.

Speaking of unfinished-sounding songs really hurt by their rap verse: "The Outside". There's a definite something to the vibe of the song, but that seemingly nonsensical verse is one of the two weakest parts of the entire project for me. The way the song meanders only adds to the feeling that there wasn't as much energy and attention paid to it compared to other parts of the project. It's pretty easily my least favorite track on Scaled and Icy, and the only one I might regularly skip. I've also seen plenty of people saying it's the best song on the album, so please tell me why I'm wrong! 6.5/10

"Saturday", as mentioned above, had me really nervous about this album. Like "Choker", it's grown on me a bit since I first heard it, in part because it fits better with the context of the rest of the album. However, this one really does feel undercooked lyrically and overreliant on the novelty of using a disco-inspired sound that seems to chase trends more than almost any other TØP track. The inclusion of that very sweet audio clip from Jenna boosts the song in some ways, but also adds to the disappointment in others; there are many other songs on this project that would be more worth surrendering time watching Friends. Thankfully, those come next. 7/10

"Never Take It" is fascinating. I never thought I'd hear a Rolling Stones-style song from Tyler Joseph featuring a gd guitar solo of all things, and it actually sounds pretty great. However, I also predict that this song will see some of the greatest critical scrutiny out of all the songs on the album. The lyrics seem to be Tyler's criticism of the media for playing up division in our society, but he's extremely vague when discussing which entities are spreading said division and ultimately recommends that people "educate yourself, but never too much". I'll be honest: maybe it's the fact that it sounds like something my dad would listen to, but it feels like this would get tons of play on Fox News. Since it makes specific reference to the events of last summer, it's hard not to feel like song is at least partially inspired by Tyler's brush with cancellation last year. Maybe I'm reading too deeply into it, but those reservations come from the song's lack of specificity, which is an issue of songwriting more than politics. They hold me back from truly loving a song that still manages to be one of the most exciting the band has ever put out. 8.5/10

"Mulberry Street" seems like the perfect realization of the entire album's intended tone. It is so pleasant, so lush while also simply produced, full of great lyrics, metaphors, and imagery. It really brings the whole project together, even if it's missing That One Line to really move this up to the top tier of the canon. 9.5/10

"Formidable" is the best song on the album and one of two songs I would truly rank in the top tier of the band's canon. Extremely pleasant and brimming with well-crafted lines to make your heart swoon. Jenna (and Rosie) is (are) a lucky gal(s). Or is it about Josh? Who's to say? 10/10

"Bounce Man" is just plain wild. I think Tyler's smuggling someone to Mexico to escape the feds? The playfulness of it all really covers up any frustration I might have with the clarity; it makes it clear that there's not really stakes here, just vibes. 8.5/10

"No Chances" sees the album take a turn that I'm sure the Reddit Clique is going to have an absolute field day with; it and "Redecorate" both sound quite different from the rest of the album and evoke enough elements of Trench to make me think that's it's actually possible that all this 'SAI is Propaganda' stuff might actually have something to it... until I actually pick apart the lyrics, then I'm even more confused. The song has some of the best rapping on the album, though that's not saying much (the feng shui line is a groaner right out the gate) and the gentle pre-chorus is really pleasant. I still haven't made up my mind on whether the chorus is effective or just plain goofy. This one might get worse or better on repeat listens, impossible to say for now. 7.5/10

"Redecorate" rounds out the album by opening with a Clancy quote (Tyler, you bastard), firmly setting this as a coda to Trench more than the album we just listened to. The rest of the song is really storytelling, with Tyler describing a bunch of people who are struggling deeply. The idea of "redecorating" here stands for how they are faced with the option to clean and resort their own spaces and lives or leave that to their loved ones to do after they're gone. By the time it gets to the album's name drop, you begin to wonder how much of this is potential autobiographical of the last year. It's moving stuff, a callback to some of the great strengths of the band's discography. 10/10

If I average those scores all up, this project ranks below almost every album among the Pilots discography on my rating scale, very narrowly edging out Self-Titled. That's still a very solid 8.6. Scaled and Icy is a very good album on first listen. We'll see how I feel about it after having a little more time to sit with it, but I've rambled enough: let's move through the rest of the week's news.

Other News

Of course, there was a lot else going on this week! To accompany the release of "Saturday", Zane Lowe over at Apple Music dropped an interview with Tyler. As usual, Zane did a pretty solid job of getting to the heart of the craft and the creation process. However, Tyler also wound up skirting a lot of the questions to just talk more about how much he loves being a dad, which makes me happy; if the cost of getting a little less attention and mental energy devoted to the music is that little girl getting all of his attention, that's honestly preferable for me.

The album rollout is not even close to over. Later today, the concert will be streamed live. It's our first real performance that we've gotten from the band since 2019, but the previews that we've seen have completely exceeded any of my expectations, and really anything that we've seen from the band. It appears that they've transformed the entire arena (which I think is the ol' Schott at Ohio State) into a whole TØP world, with different sets laden with Easter eggs and a cast of backup dancers. If the website can hold up to the traffic (and I acknowledge that might be a big ask), this could really live up to Tyler's promise of this being the best livestreamed concert ever.

Oh, and this guy dyed his hair pink.

What a time to be a fan. Catch you all tomorrow.

Power to the local dreamer.

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