#maybe some of it is but i don’t think the extremely long rants of exposition are supposed to be angsty

[logically-asexual]

thinking about logan in losing my motivation and how much i love him. there’s this 20 second clip that exemplifies two wonderful characteristics about him that we barely see anymore

first

him starting not knowing something but thinking and using his logic to figure out the answer. and having fun being a detective. now they just have logan know everything and explain it to the rest. but i miss this. it’s more realistic and more fun! you can see thomas’ brain working in real time which is the goal of the show. and you see logan enjoying himself.

and second

he loves teaching, he loves sharing the joy of discovering or learning something with the others. he doesn’t just tell patton the answer, he tries to prompt him to make the same discovery himself, like any good teacher who likes their job would. again. now logan just explains everything with no room for the others to figure it out by themselves. which must be as boring for him as for the viewer. that’s not how a good class is conducted.

logan deserves a chance to be a good teacher and a detective. even if he’s sometimes wrong in the end, he doesn’t like being corrected but he always accepts it once he’s convinced he was wrong and always promises to consider what he just learned. he deserves to have fun and be himself in this whole process.

[lovelivingmydreams]

A story by heroes and vilains

Virgil Anker: Confrontation

Virgil hates confrontation. That is probably why it took him until now to talk to Janus. And even now it can’t be avoided any longer, he wants to.

When he saw Roman again the next day, he was momentarily speechless.

When he said he’d try out wearing his flag, Virgil hadn’t expected him to do this. The theatre kid entered the classroom with rainbow hair and a rainbow backpack slung over his shoulder, his red varsity jacket open, showing off his matching rainbow shirt. Roman locked eyes with him and strode over to his desk with an excited grin, sitting down on top of it. “You are extremely extra any chance you get aren’t you?” Virgil chuckled. Come to think of it, he really should have expected this. “I am,” Roman agreed, proud of it, as he took off his jacket. Virgil smiled as he saw the writing. Gay Disney Prince indeed. “Well it looks good on you,” he told him honestly. It did. It was like he was glowing. “Why thank you, mi caballero guapo.” Before Virgil could begin to decipher that, their homeroom teacher walked in and Roman took his seat. The second they were handed their schedules, Roman compared them with a growing smile. “We have almost every class together!” he exclaimed, sounding about as happy about it as Virgil felt. This year was looking better and better with every minute. “Aside from our electives that is. Why am I not surprised you’re taking drawing classes? Though you don’t really need the extra help. You are amazing as you are. Which reminds me. Did you think about sending in your designs?” Virgil didn’t really have the chance to react to anything Roman just said, and when he did, he wasn’t capable of it. Roman had been leaning over to read Virgil’s schedule and hadn’t moved away while ranting, and now he looked up and Virgil could feel his breath on his face. Roman quickly sat up with a sheepish grin. “Sorry. Got a bit ahead of myself there.” Virgil looked away to hide his emberasment. He played with the edges of his hoodie for a moment. He knew he was blushing and that his foundation wasn’t covering it up anymore. Why had he let Picani and the counselors convince him to slowly build off the amount he put on every morning? Sure it was part of letting others in and all that stuff. But he was still nervous about it. Blushes and freckles and heaven forbid any sort of tan hadn’t been seen by anyone other than his dads in ages. Even uncle Thomas hardly saw him without make up on. And J… Well, it’d been a while for him too. Start of last year come to think of it. The last time he’d stayed over at his place for a night. It was a thing that just happened sometimes, when they were too lazy to go home. They both had a bag of stuff in the other’s house for just such occasions. Those days of having so much fun that hanging out just evolved in staying over were something he’d missed a lot. And part of him still hoped they’d come back soon. That Janus had woken up and was back to his old self. “No problem…” he assured Roman, forcing himself not to dwell on those thoughts. Instead he thought about the answer to his question. “Well… I don’t know. You really think he’d want it?” he checked, looking up to read Roman’s face. “Are you kidding?” Roman exclaimed with a look as if the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. “If I were forced in that atrocious ‘crime against fashion’ as you adequately called it, I’d be wishing on every star for a new outfit. And what you have drawn up. It’s not just an answer to his every prayer, it’s the most awesome costume he could ever hope for.” Virgil felt a corner of his mouth lift and looked away again. “Alright… I’ll send it in… But with some adjustments and under an alias,” he insisted. He wasn’t sure how his dad would feel about him restyling the city’s newest hero. “How about Dante?” Roman offered. Virgil did his best not to show how happy that choice made him. He’d gotten the reference. He knew the book. Of course he did. He was a theatre nerd. He was bound to know the classics right? Virgil nodded. “Sounds good,” he agreed. When the door opened Virgil had actually been in the process of taking out his sketchbook to show Roman the finished design, but then the teacher spoke and he immediately found every nerve in his body on edge. Not a great reaction to have when hearing your life long best friend’s name. Virgil couldn’t make himself look at Janus. He’d promised himself over and over again that he’d face him head on when the time came. Principal Stokes had warned him that they were in the same homeroom. But once class started he’d foolishly hoped that they managed to move him in another group after all and had just forgotten to tell him. He should’ve realized he was just late.

Before he knew it, Janus was in front of the desk. “Move, that’s my seat,” he said through gritted teeth. What had him so agitated? He’d taken peace with Virgil sitting next to Roman last year right? Why was he back to being a jerk about it? Sure he’d never liked it, but hadn’t he learned his lesson about telling Virgil who he could and couldn’t sit with? “De ninguna manera,” Roman replied, leaning back in his chair with a confident smirk. Virgil wracked his brain. He’d just told Janus, “No way,” if he remembered correctly. Roman had never talked Spanish for no good reason before though. Was this because Virgil asked about it? Some kind of learning by exposition? “You want to sit with the coolest kid in school? Get here on time.” And then he has to go ahead and say that. Roman definitely did not know the power he held over Virgil’s mood. Hearing Roman say that, without a hint of doubt or insincerity, made Virgil a lot more confident about what he had to do today. Roman Castile had his back, and a lot of other people too. People liked him. He had to remember that. “Excuse me?” Virgil’s eyes widened as he saw that Janus raised his fist. He’d never seen him actually hit anyone. He’d threatened to do it a few times. But never in front of a teacher. Had he lost his mind? “Mr. Bullard! Seat! Now!”

Janus’ gaze moved from Roman to Virgil, waiting for him to say something. Too bad for him, Virgil wasn’t going to say what he wanted to hear.

“You heard the teacher Jan. Just go.” After a few moments of disbelieving silence Janus went to sit at the empty desk on Virgil’s other side. Luckily there was a bit of open space between them. “Good,” the teacher sighed as she continued her class. “As I was saying, I hope the rest of the year will go without any more incidents like yesterday. Mr. Anker, Mr. Castile, I speak for the whole school when I say that we are happy to see you two are back and unfazed by yesterday’s incident.” “Thank you Mrs. Foster,” Virgil muttered a little embarrassed by the attention. He just hoped some different type of gossip would grab everyone’s attention soon. And maybe it already had. Roman’s coming out might distract a little from what happened yesterday. “I wouldn’t dream of depriving you of my radiant presence for another day,” Roman jested, stealing the show effortlessly as usual. Virgil joined his classmates in their laughter, feeling himself relax. The bell rang and Roman and Virgil were among the first to leave the class. Janus, luckily, had to stay back to get his schedule.

Virgil was happy to find that Roman’s locker wasn’t that far from his. “Where are we headed next?” Roman asked while he was collecting his things. “Um…” Virgil muttered as he dug in his backpack. He was pretty sure he knew the schedule by heart already, but they had enough time to make sure. The second Virgil confirmed their destination, the paper was snatched out of his hand. “Hey!” he exclaimed turning around to find Janus studying his schedule. He looked very unhappy.

Virgil was angry enough not to worry about that. His attitude from earlier and now combined made him not feel sorry for the cold shower Janus was going to get once he learned the full truth. “How can we have no classes together? I thought we were going to take sociology?” And he just pissed him off even more. “No!” he snatched the paper back, surprising Janus. When their eyes met he could see surprise shift to hurt confusion. “You were. I tried to tell you that I wanted to do art, and you didn’t listen. Like usual.” And that was all he was going to say about it right now. He was so mad at himself for hoping today would go well after that stupid text. He always got him like that. But this back and forth was hurting him. Hurting others. He couldn’t let it continue. “We’re in building C. Let’s go,” he told Roman, who nodded, collected his last things and starting to follow him to class. Staying out of the argument, like Virgil had asked him last year. “Virge, come on!” Janus was blocking his path, looking at him pleadingly. Looking like the real Janus. No. It’s a trick. Or not a trick maybe. But it wasn’t… He couldn’t back down now. “You are mad, I get it, I’m sorry okay?” Virgil felt his heart clench. It had been a while since he’d said sorry like that. But saying sorry, while a good step, was only a start. He and Picani had made a list of things that needed to happen before Virgil could start letting Janus back into his life. If ever. “Can’t we talk about this? We always work things out,” he pleaded  and Virgil flinched. He wanted to. He really did. Not here and not now though. He had to do this. For both of them. They both needed some space. “My decision is final J. I’m done enabling your behavior. I thought I was helping you out, but I was making it worse. I can’t protect you anymore… You are right. Sometimes we have to do what’s best for us. And for me, that is not being around you anymore.” Please, please let it be now. Virgil wished. He didn’t, he was reaching out, and once more, Virgil found himself looking at Roman’s back. “He’s asking you to back off. Give him some space.” He sounded soothing. He wasn’t trying to taunt Janus. Just to diffuse the situation. Janus didn’t see it that way. With a loud bang, Roman was pushed against the lockers, making Virgil flinch. This wasn’t good. He could feel his self-control slipping. He couldn’t have an attack right now. He hated that he’d taken a pill yesterday. If he hadn’t then he might have allowed himself to take one today. Now he was going to lose it in the middle of the hallway and… “Stay out of it Chapero!” This was followed by another bang. Virgil looked up and was surprised to find Roman was now the one holding Janus against the lockers. He looked livid. “You better not know what you just called me,” he warned. Janus grinned at him, clearly feeling vindicated for some reason. “I don’t say anything I don’t mean. Payaso.” Virgil had to put a stop to this. He wouldn’t let Janus taunt Roman into getting in trouble. “Roman! What’s going on? Let him go. Let’s just go to class. Please,” he pleaded, wondering if it would help to lay a hand on his shoulder or make things worse. Roman looked back though and once their eyes met he seemed to calm down. “Sorry. You’re right. We’ll be late,” he sighed, letting go and letting Virgil lead him to their class “Get to class Jan!” Virgil called back. “This isn’t over!” Janus promised, but to Virgil’s relief, he didn’t follow them. Virgil waited until they left building A before he looked over to Roman. He looked really upset. After taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, he carefully laid a hand on Roman’s shoulder. “You okay?” he asked. “I’ll be fine, just pissed off,” Roman assured him before looking at him concerned. “How about you? He was your friend for a long time right?” Virgil sighed sadly. “He lives in the house next to mine. We basically grew up together I guess.” Virgil wasn’t sure if he wanted to smile or cry as he thought back to the countless memories they shared. Janus and his parents had always been a part of his life almost as much as his dad was. “And I tried to protect him from bullies as best I could, you know because of,” he made a gesture to his face. Roman nodded. He understood. “I didn’t realize he isn’t that same kid anymore. I guilted myself into sticking with him. He was my friend, if I didn’t help him who would? He needed me. He stuck with me too. You get the picture,” Virgil shrugged dismissively. Though it was so much more complicated than that. He didn’t want to get into the nuances of his past and his decision now though. There was simply no time. “When he told me to take the same elective as him. I had enough. I told you about the summer camp I went to. What I didn’t mention was that it was a camp where they teach you to stand up for yourself. ‘your needs are important too’ and all that stuff. So when I got home I asked my dad to help me convince the principal to make sure I shared as little classes with him as possible. I felt shitty doing it.” It still felt like a betrayal on his part. “But at camp, I also learned that me tolerating Jan so long isn’t helping him. Mrs. Danvers was on the right path when she separated us last year. We both need to learn be us without the other. And maybe when we’ve figured that out, we can try again.” God he hoped they could try again. He missed his friend. But that might take some time. And the ball was entirely in Janus’ court. Speaking of. How badly had he just messed up with Roman to make him loose his composure like that. “What did he say?” he asked Roman. “Janus likes to brag that he is fluent in Spanish and French. I didn’t know he’d also learned slang.” “He learned slang alright,” Roman scoffed. “I’m pretty sure he was just trying to get a rise out of me, which succeeded.” Roman took a deep breath, calming down considerably. “You sure you want to know?” he asked, much more gentle. “Yes. If it upset you that much, I do,” Virgil said firmly. He wanted to know how mad he had to be with Janus when they inevitably talked later. “Alright. Payaso, means clown,” Roman told him. Clearly he was starting with the less offensive term. Virgil gave him an encouraging nod. “And… Chapero,” Roman’s face when he said the word filled Virgil with dread. It must be really bad. “It means- It refers to my…” Instead of finishing his sentence, he gestured to his coming out shirt. No… “Seriously!?” he growled as he turned, about to tell Janus that he’d have to work twice as hard to make Virgil trust him again now. Because this… This made him want to keep Janus away from his family. What if he’d said something insensitive in front of Logan or Patton? He would not allow it. Suddenly he felt a pull at the back of his hoodie. Stopping him in his tracks. “We can’t be late. Not for him,” Roman reminded Virgil. “You’re right.” There were priorities in his life other than Janus. He could not let him take up a leading role in it any longer if he wanted to heal. Man, he was started to sound like Picani. They arrived in their class and sat themselves at a desk fairly central. Virgil was secretly happy that Roman chose to sit next to him again.

“Well, what do you know? My two favorite boys at one desk. Must be my lucky day!” Virgil looked up. Stacey was sitting on Roman’s desk, subtly respecting Virgil’s personal space while still drawing his attention. He appreciated that. She was good at this flirting thing. “Good morning to you too Stacey.” Roman greeted with a smile. “Hi,” Virgil said casually. “Ro. Guess where we’re going for our date?” Stacey asked excitedly. “No clue,” Roman shrugged as Virgil tried to find a polite way to correct Stacey. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to go on a real date with Stacey yet. It wouldn’t be fair to her to let her think he was. And even though Roman clearly wasn’t into him, he wanted him to know that it wasn’t a real date for some reason. “The art studio! We’re going to go nuts on a blank canvas together. Isn’t that the coolest thing you’ve ever heard?” she gushed. Virgil was kind of flattered that she was so enthusiastic. But still… “Well… It’s basically just hanging out,” he corrected her gently. To his relief Stacey seemed unbothered by that. “Yeah. What did you call it? Vibe check?” she verified. “Something like that,” he nodded to which Stacey started rambling again. “Basically we’re going to roll with it as friends and see if we click romantically while we are pouring our souls out on canvas. No click? No hard feelings.” Before anything else could be said the teacher arrived, sending Stacey to her own seat. After History he had art with Stacey. Connor Grant was everything he had imagined he would be. “Virgil Anker… You won the prize at last year’s exhibition. I see here you never took an art elective, did you follow classes somewhere else?” he wondered warmly. They were all sitting on the floor in the studio and getting to know one another. “Um, well I watched some tutorials and stuff online and took some inspiration from that,” he explained. “No formal training? Well such raw talent… It’ll be a privilege to help you find your way Virgil. Such a gift, deserves to be developed with proper guidance.” Virgil grew flustered at the praise and the cheers and claps he received. No one seemed envious. Grant was full of praise for everyone’s unique talents though, so that could have something to do with it.

After class he walked over to him. “Um, Mr. Grant. I kind of have two questions, if that’s okay?” he asked timidly. “Ask away,” the man smiled warmly.

“Thanks. Um… I kind of made a portfolio of sorts. Would you mind looking at it?” he asked shakily as he handed the binder over to him. “It would be my pleasure,” Mr. Grant assured him. Feeling empowered Virgil pressed forward. “Is… Are we allowed to use the studio after hours for private projects?” he wondered.

“Of course. The muse does not work on any arbitrary schedule set by us. You can always ask me for the key,” he said as he locked the room and handed the key over to him. “What… Really just like that?” “I have a spare should I need it. But I’ll need that one back after your date with Miss Stacey.” Virgil blushed and bit back his protest. It didn’t matter. He had the key, he could get on with his day.

He hurried to his locker, hoping to find Roman there so they could walk to Math together. Roman hadn’t arrived yet. Drama must be running late. Virgil packed his things humming to himself when he suddenly felt an hand grab his shoulder and turn him around roughly. “We need to talk, now,” Janus said, clearly in a hurry. Virgil frowned. He was right, but he wasn’t in the mood to talk anymore.

“Are you going to apologize to Roman?” he bit. “What?” Janus asked baffled. “Or any of the people you’ve tormented over the past year, if not years?” he doubled down. “Because the only way, you and I are ever going to be on speaking terms again is if you stop acting like everything I despise in this world. Which, in case you are unaware, is a narrow minded, homophobic, bully.” Janus looked down, ashamed, and that gave Virgil hope he really shouldn’t be feeling now. “I already told you Janus. I’m done. When you start acting like my friend again, I’d like to have him back. I miss the Janus I’d stick by no matter what. But the guy I’ve seen the past year… I don’t know who that is. All I know is I want him nowhere near my family.” Janus looked up. “Listen, I messed up. I got mad and I just said the worst thing I could think of okay? I know that won’t excuse it. What with your dad and his boyfriend situation…”

Virgil stiffened. His protective instincts fully engaged. “What do you mean…” when did he learn about Patton? Why hadn’t his parents told him? “If you said something to upset Patton or Logan, I swear!” “NO! I didn’t… I promise. I just… Need you to hear me out, like now. I need to tell you something important. Let’s just go somewhere quiet for a bit. Okay? I swear I’ll leave you alone after… Just, please Virgil, I need you to know…” There was a part of Virgil that saw Janus’ desperation and wanted to answer. Wanted to lower his guard and follow him. Help him out. He shook his head. “I can’t Jan. I want to. Trust me, I really want to be friends again. But I know that if I go with you now, things will just go back to how they were and that… I was being suffocated by you. I didn’t feel like me with you anymore. Even when we were just us, I couldn’t fully be myself. I’m sorry. But I’ll listen, once you’ve proven you're over this whole,” he gestured to the general space between them. “Thing where you think you can control my life. It’s not good for me.” He was about to head to his class when he was pulled back and slammed against the locker, hard. He didn’t have time to protect himself. The impact hurt. But he kept his composure. “Damn it Virgil! Just stop being dramatic and come with me!” Virgil heard people gasp and shout around them. He just stared Janus down, to make sure he saw that there was no doubt in his mind when he replied. “No!” “Let him go Bullard!” Virgil looked up surprised. Roman had come. He was happy to see him. But he didn’t want their friendship to start off with Roman thinking he couldn’t take care of himself.

“I’ve got this Roman,” he told him. Roman looked at him, his gaze steady and calm. “I know. But you don’t have to do this alone.” Virgil took a moment to process that. Right. Roman knew he was capable of standing his ground. This? was different from when Janus would try to ‘protect him’. Roman was being supportive. Not controlling. He had not once decided in Virgil’s stead. The closest he’d gotten to that was that one time he’d been openly critical of his friendship with Janus, for which he’d been apologetic right away. Two of Roman’s friends flanked him, one, Kelly, whispering something to him. Roman nodded in acknowledgement. He raised his head, squared his shoulders and spoke clear and decisive. “I’ll ask one more time. Leave him alone.” Virgil barely registered Janus stepping away. He would’ve crashed to the floor if he hadn’t stabilized himself a little with his shield. He was glad that that power was a rather intuitive one, because he never seemed to have time to decide to use it. And catching himself was not an application he would have come up with on his own. He rubbed at his chest where Janus’ arm had pressed into him, speeding up the recovery. “Think you can take me Castile?” Virgil looked up at Janus, he was walking towards Roman arms lifted as if daring him to hit him. What was he doing? This was the opposite of helpful if he wanted… Didn’t he want them to be friends again? Roman wasn’t intimidated. “I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of getting me in trouble,” he replied once Janus came to a stop. “So you’re just talk then huh? Afraid to get your butt kicked in front of everyone? Trying to score easy points with Virgil? Hoping I’ll let you steal him from me that easily?” Was he trying to blame Roman for this? Virgil had worried something like that would happen. Janus clearly thought he had no agency of his own. But still… Had he completely lost his mind? “Trying to repay him in some small way for saving my life yesterday. But none of that is any of your business.” Virgil was in awe of how passionate Roman sounded. “Virgil’s decision to finally break free from you has nothing to do with me, and everything with how you’re treating him. I don’t understand what he saw in you that made him stick around this long. But you took it for granted and now it’s done. Leave him alone.”

Just then, Roman’s other friends, including André, arrived and immediately they all started to tell everyone in the audience to get to their classes. As the crowd disappeared Virgil saw the tension leave most of Janus frame. Though he could see him tap his left hand against his leg, a dead giveaway that he was growing more nervous.

“What’s wrong Castile? Don’t want an audience? I thought you lived for the cheers of a crowd?” Roman didn’t budge. “Or maybe this is an exclusive event? Just for your little fanclub and Virgil? Is he your newest devoted follower?”

Virgil winced at the sting of hurt and betrayal in J’s tone. “You guys should head to class,” was Roman’s response to that. His friends did not like that. “You’ll all get in trouble if you don’t get to class in time. Now go. Tell our teacher that Virgil and I will be there soon. I’m not feeling well and Virgil is looking out for me.” Janus scoffed. “Making your friends lie for you Castile? Some friend you are.” Roman quirked a brow, not impressed. “Or tell them the truth. Apparently Bullard wants detention on the first day.” Virgil could tell Janus realized he had made a mistake. Roman’s friends left and Janus doubled down on the false display of confidence. “Now we’re talking! A private show, just for you Virge,” Janus looked back at him, but Virgil didn’t want to reward his behavior with the slightest bit of attention.

He just kept soothing the imprint on his sternum and looked at Roman making sure he wasn’t in any kind of distress right now. “Virge? You okay?” Roman asked. “Yeah, fine,” he muttered. When he tried to walk past Janus though, he was stopped by a brisk hand gesture. He could’ve ignored it, but he could see Janus was seconds away from snapping. He didn’t want to set him off. Not so close to Roman. And besides that, he didn’t like seeing him in pain. “Just get to class. I can handle myself.” Virgil appreciated the thought, really he did. Roman was doing for him what he’d seen Virgil do for others plenty of times in the past. But Virgil had learned by now that that kind of behavior wasn’t very healthy of him either. “Stop mocking me!” Janus exclaimed. Virgil acted without thinking. He ran up to throw himself in between Janus and Roman and then he felt Janus’ fist connect with his stomach at full force. It hurt a lot, and likely would hurt for a while. He fell to his knees, groaning in pain. Roman was at his side in an instant. “V… I...” Virgil looked up and as he blinked away the tears that threatened to overtake his vision he could see Janus was horrified with what just had happened.

Roman was furious. “Messing with him emotionally and mentally isn’t enough for you? You have to resort to physical violence as well? What kind of friend are you?” Virgil flinched. Roman had really picked up on everything hadn’t he? He wanted to argue that Janus would never intentionally attack him, but the way his chest still ached, even though it was drastically overpowered by the pain in his abdomen, was proof that J could lose his temper with him. Janus didn’t respond. He looked down and walked away. Virgil could swear he’d seen tears in his eyes.

Once he was gone Roman turned his attention back to him. “You okay? Should we go to the nurse?” he suggested worriedly. Virgil felt is heart flutter a little at his concerned tone. Roman was making it really hard to get over his crush. But he knew that the nurse wasn’t an option. Besides, he was already healing. “No. Dad will lose it if he knows someone actually hit me. Let’s just go to class. I’ll be fine by the time we get there.” Roman looked uncertain. “Okay, if you are sure.” Clearly he wanted to argue, but he was respecting Virgil’s boundaries. “Thanks for catching that one, but you didn’t have to. I did some self-defense courses. I would’ve been able to get out of harm’s way without hurting him.” Oh? That was interesting. Maybe he could ask Roman for some lessons just in case. He’d watched some videos online on basic self-defense and parkour. The later he’d been practicing every time he went out. Just in case his cloak failed him next time the cops sent someone to figure out who was leaving them packages. You’d think they’d take the intel and not ask too many questions. But clearly that wasn’t the case. They even had heroes on the lookout for him in his regular spots. They must really want to catch him if they went through the footage to get hints on the location where he recorded some of the evidence. “I’ll remember that,” he grinned, trying not to show that most of his upper body was still in various degrees of pain. “Seriously though that’s the second time you’ve jumped to my rescue. Thank you,” Roman said as he helped him up. Virgil once again played off how it hurt with a grin. If not for his healing factor he would probably want to go to a doctor to be safe. And even now he was wondering if whatever he did to heal bruises was good enough to fix more serious injuries. Was it even a serious injury? Or did it just hurt a lot? He promised himself that if he was still in pain when they got to class he’d agree to go to the nurse’s office. It normally didn’t take him long to fix himself. “Guess DreamPrince inspired me to be heroic,” he joked. Because apparently, Dream Prince was now his codename for Roman whenever he was too scared to make his feelings for him obvious. “He does seem to inspire a lot in you. I’m almost envious of him.” Virgil’s heart skipped a beat at that. Did Roman mean…? “I’d love to be the one to inspire someone so much, artistically and the like I mean. Oh, that would be the dream. To be someone’s muse and have them be mine in return.” You already do, Virgil wanted to say. But he couldn’t. Not when he already agreed to give Stacey a shot. “That would be pretty cool I guess,” he said instead finally able to walk without wincing each step. “You sure we don’t need to have you checked out?” Roman was clearly not convinced. Virgil nodded firmly. It was not worth worrying his dad over. “I barely feel it anymore. He didn’t hit that hard,” he shrugged, feeling a little bad for that lie. But he wasn’t ready to tell Roman about his powers yet. Maybe he would be, one day. The rest of the day was hopefully a sample of how the rest of the year would go. Virgil sat next to or near Roman for every class they shared, and he’d allowed himself to sit next to him during lunch. Stacey got a kick out of the fact that Virgil had ‘charmed’ the key from the teacher. Virgil insisted that it was not that big of an accomplishment. They had fun. Stacey had a lot of energy and a curious and adventurous nature. He liked hanging out with her, and he thought she was very attractive. But when the cliché paint fight broke out and they came close enough to feel each other’s breath… Virgil knew that he could kiss her. He could see that she was okay with that. Hoping for it even. It would just take one question and a slight tilt forward… And he wouldn’t mind kissing her. He felt attraction that was for sure. He was even wondering if she’d be as energetic when being kissed as she’d been all night. But he didn’t feel a spark. He’d felt the spark a few times. The little jolt to his heart that told him that he didn’t just want to kiss a person. If that made sense. Not just with Roman, though that spark was still the strongest he’d ever felt. He knew that he liked Stacey, platonically. And he found her attractive, physically. But he wasn’t romantically interested in her. And while he didn’t see the harm in casually kissing... He didn’t want to do that with Stacey. For various reasons. He’d stepped away and Stacey pouted. But she’d agreed that she wasn’t interested in him long term.

She did offer to let him kiss her anyway. For practice. He’d laughed and politely declined to which she pretended to be dramatically disappointed.

When he got home and he told his dads that it was fun, but they were just going to stay friends, he didn’t miss the relief on Logan’s face. He bit back the comment about turning sixteen next October. His dad would have to come to terms with the fact that he was of the dating age sooner or later. But he wasn’t going to push it. He let himself fall onto his bed that night, thinking of Roman and how he definitely would have kissed him. About Janus, and what he’d needed to say. He let those thoughts go though. One day at a time. Today had been okay, all things considered. Maybe tomorrow would be fine too.

Masterlist

Better Together

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[eleanorbloom]

When You’re Ready Ch. 10

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 5.3k (Sorry!!!)

Warning: Innuendos at the beginning, then, just angst and a bit of cursing.

A/N: Yes, I’m sorry. Today’s chapter is the longest I’ve done so far, but it’s worth it (at least to me) because is about my babyyyy. Things are going to get harder from now on, so I’m excited for the upcoming chapters!! I hope you enjoy the angst because there’s more to come. Hehe.

A/N2: I’m gonna post some One Shots for Kinktober, so I was wondering if anyone wants to be tagged? It will be BrycexEleanor and DrakexMC from The Royal Romance. I’ve never published anything for TRR but I’m planning to write something in the future. Meanwhile, I’ll exercise with some smut muahaha. So let me know if you wanna be tagged 😏

Taglist @utterlyinevitable @binny1985 @shanzay44 @choicesficwriterscreations @laiba-the-person @starrystarrytrouble @lahellacute @lucy-268​ @aylamreads @cinnamonspongecake @romewritingshop @angela8756

_______

Chapter 10: Stay.

Funny you’re the broken one

But I’m the only one who needed saving.

 “Is that Raf?”—Eleanor raised her head from Bryce’s chest and stared at the ceiling, trying to prick up her ear.

At the distance, it was heard a deep voice in the middle of a mix of laughter.

“Yeah, that’s totally him.”

“What is he doing here so early?”

“Early?”—He chuckled—"It’s midday, babe.”

“Midday?!”—She grabbed her phone from the nightstand and checked. It was 12.10.—"And how we slept through all morning?”

“We stayed up late, don’t you remember? I think we got here like 3 am and then you just couldn’t shut up about how mad you were because Ramsey is being irrational about the influencer girl.”

“Oh, right. Drunken rant.”—Her cheeks blushed—“I’m sorry”

“Why are you sorry?”

“For making you hear all this crap when probably I ranted all night at Donahue’s about it.”

“Actually, you were just pissed off that Ramsey was mad at you, but when we got here you said the real stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Like you think that Ramsey is suspecting about your relationship with me and he’s taking it on you. He’s mad because you went behind his back with the Gwyneth thing, obviously, but he has contained his rage for weeks, and now he’s just… exploding.”

“Oh, fuck, you’re right, I did say that—She covered her face with both hands—"God, I’m so stupid.”

“Why? I think you’re right. He’s been acting like an ass with me this whole time too, he looks at me like I’m a piece of garbage or something.”

“But it’s really unprofessional that he is taking a work issue to an extreme just because he is what? Jealous? Mad that I’m getting over him? It’s very inconsistent of him.”

“Yes, it is. Are you going to do something about it?”

“Like what?”

“Like talk to him, tell him to stop,, that he shouldn’t take it on you at work just because he’s jealous.”

“I… I don’t know, I wouldn’t like to mix things, maybe I’m wrong.”

“You’re not wrong, Elle. You can’t let him be this ass with you, much less affect your work.”

Bryce saw how her head inside was spinning around, and her hands tensed over his rib cage.

“Just think about it.”—He added, stroking her hair comfortingly—"Don’t think for a second this is your fault, ‘cause it’s not. He made his choice in the first place.”

“I know…”

Eleanor leaned on her elbow to look at him in the eyes, smiling faintly at him.

“Thank you for being so understanding”

Bryce smiled back and then caressed her cheek while his eyes were expressing tenderness and protection.

She nuzzled into his soft chest losing herself into the sweet scent from his neck.

“Let’s focus on something less stressing and boring instead”—She whispered, lovingly.

“Like what?”—He asked tantalizingly roaming his hands through her back.

“Like the fact that I’m finally waking up with you.”

“Aw, you woke up really sugary today, uh?”

“Don’t you like it?”—She asked seriously.

“I have sweet tooth just because of you.”

“Awwww”—Eleanor encircled her arms around his neck pulling him down to her lips.—“You’re saying I’m sugary, but you just gave me a diabetic coma.”

“And I am having constipation ‘cause you, Eleanor Bloom, are being too cheesy.”

She burst out laughing, resonating in the whole apartment.

“Bryce! You’re impossible.”

“And you are impopsicle, babe.”—Before she could retort anything, he caught her lips into his, his hands travelling slowly down her bum. He deepened the kiss the moment she opened her mouth in a sigh.

“Do we have time for a quickie before getting ready for the concert?”

“Is it me or you’re doubting about your timing skills?”

“No, I’m just asking for consent.”

“We are wasting precious seconds, Dr. Lahela.”

Both chuckled before Eleanor pushed him against the bed and climbed on top of him, the sheets falling and pooling behind her, exposing her bare body.

“Sweet, sweet cowgirl ride me till the end of the world if you want”

Eleanor laughed hard again.

“Yeehaw!”—She joked between laughs.

This time it took like two minutes to make her stop. It would have been more if it weren’t for Bryce, who replaced her laughs for other more improper exclamations  that soon had to be hushed too.

By the time Bryce and Eleanor appeared in the living room, all their friends were ready for the Music Festival Eleanor had invited them, courtesy of her patient, Gwyneth Monroe. After a quick chat, they all headed to Cambridge, excited for the new adventure.

The group spent the afternoon eating, drinking, playing lawn games and, of course, enjoying the music. At some point, they split when Eleanor, Kyra, and Aurora decided to see an art exposition while Bryce, Elijah, and Jackie joined Sienna to see an indie band she had been fangirling all afternoon.

Once the group met again, an hour later, it didn’t take long for Bryce and Eleanor to get lost in the crowd, enjoying the music while savoring the moment alone in the open air.

The sun was about to set when Bryce felt his phone buzzing. As he pulled it out of his pocket the letters froze him. He ended the call and saw 10 missing calls and a lot of messages in the notification bar.

“Bryce, where are you?”

“I’m outside your apartment.”

“Bryce, please answer me! Are you at work?”

Eleanor stared at him worried, sensing his nervousness.

“Is everything alright?”

“I… I have to go.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Nothing, I just remembered tomorrow I have a really difficult surgery and I need to study up.”

“Okay.”—Her brows knitted, suspicious.

He kissed her quickly and turned to leave, but she caught his wrist before he could get lost in the crowd.

“Bryce!”

“What?”—He replied, trying to hide the fear that was invading him just right.

“If something wrong you can tell me, you know that, right?”

“Yeah.”

He smiled faintly and gave her one last kiss before walking out of the crowd.

He didn’t know how he reached the parking lot and got in the car, his hands were trembling and a knot of anxious had settled in his stomach. He pulled the phone out and called back.

“Bryce!”—He heard on the other end of the line—"God, I’ve been trying to reach you for hours, where are you?!”

“Keiki, what’s going on? How is that that you’re in Boston?”

“I’ll explain later, are you coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in forty.”

“Hurry up, I’m bored to death here.”

When he got to his floor, she found a tall girl in a red leather jacket sitting against his door, a backpack between her legs. He barely recognized her, even if he had seen dozens of pictures of her on her social networks. She was a teenager now, not the little girl that said goodbye to him with tears in her eyes when he left for college.

“Keiki”

“Bryce”—She said getting up from the floor. He opened the door a few moments later and both got in.

“Can you explain to me now what you are doing here?”

“Hey, bro, I’m glad to see you too.”—She ironized—“Thanks for the kind welcoming.”

“Keiki, please.”

“I ran away from home, okay?”

“You what?”

“I don’t wanna live there anymore.”

“Keiki, you can’t do that”

“Why not? You did it.”

“I went for college…”—He replied, feeling the guilt sharpening inside him.

“Yes, and then you never came back because you couldn’t stand our parents. It’s the same with me.”

“That doesn’t excuse that you escaped from home and underage. Do you have a plan? Or you’ll just wait until they come here to take you back and maybe they will report me for child kidnap?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Bryce. They wouldn’t that.”

“Still this isn’t right, Keiki. It could’ve happened something to you on your way here.”

“Yeah, but it would have been worth it if it means not spend another second in Maui.”

Bryce looked at her, intrigued. He couldn’t understand how things were bad for her if she had everything she wanted back in Hawai. A room the size of his apartment, all the clothes she wanted, and millions of things to do. But that was enough? He knew well it wasn’t.

“Can I stay with you?”

“Of course, Keiki, but you’ll go back tomorrow. Call mom to know if she can buy you a ticket flight back, I’m not sure I have the money for that.”

“Don’t you understand? I’m not coming back there, Bryce. Period.”

He shook his head and sighed. It was impossible to reason with her, and he knew it wouldn’t get anything by pushing her even more.

“Call her to let her know you’re here, then.”

“I bet she already knows.”

She seated on the couch, looking at him defiantly. He just ignored her act.

“Have you eaten something?”

“Some Doritos I bought around the corner.”

“What do you want to eat? I’m calling a delivery.”

“You don’t cook? I want real food, Bryce.”

“I’m a surgeon, not a chef, Keiki”

“Either way, you should know how to feed yourself by now, how you have survived all these years?”

“Take out.”

“Unbelievable”

Bryce didn’t know what to do. Maybe he could just watch a video on Youtube and cook something basic to save the day. Eleanor’s face popped in his mind, but he shook off the idea as soon as it emerged. Calling her would implicate to tell her the truth about his family and he wasn’t ready for that.

“Okay.”—He said after some deliberation—"I’ll go to the grocery store, so you have food for breakfast tomorrow and all that. Do you wanna go with me?”

“Nah, I’m tired, I think I’m gonna lay down a bit.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be back in a bit.”

The moment he was out of the apartment, Bryce rubbed his hand across his face in exasperation. He didn’t know what to do, how to deal with his sister, and with the mistake he had been making all those years.

He always knew he shouldn’t have left her sister just like he did; never go back to Maui; call her just once in a while to finally only for her birthday. The guilt that has been accompanying him for ten years was materializing now in one of his worst fears: face his sister and deal with the consequences of his abandonment, the rage and the loneliness she might be feeling, all without prior notice.

He tried to clear his mind. At that moment he needed to stay calm to give Keiki the stability she had come to look for with him. He was the adult there, so he couldn’t let the feelings overwhelm him and make Keiki feel worse than she already was. 

Once he regained calmness, Bryce made his way to the grocery store where he collected all the ingredients for a spaghetti recipe he read on the internet, plus some vegetables, fruits, bread, butter, bacon, eggs, cookies, Doritos, so Keiki would have something to have breakfast and eat while she was at his place.

When the doors of the elevator opened again on his floor, she found the silhouette of a woman with a black and golden dress on, talking to Keiki. He froze for a moment until both directed to him.

“Elle”

“Hi Bryce”—She looked at him surprised, while Keiki just eyed them, leaning in the door frame, arms crossed.—“What’s happening?”

“Let’s get inside and talk, okay?”

Keiki moved backwars to let Bryce and Eleanor in. He went straight to the kitchen and set the bags over the counter meticulously, like trying to gain some time before facing her. After a few moments, Bryce turned to Eleanor.  

“Elle, this is my sister Keiki. She arrived today from Maui. She’s visiting.”

“Like hell. I told you I’m not planning to go back there, Bryce.”—She barked while she was flopping on the couch with the remote control in her hand.

“Hi Keiki, I’m Eleanor, nice to meet you”—She replied, giving a smile, even if she wasn’t looking at her.

“Yeah”—The girl just said, her eyes not moving from the TV.

Bryce just sighed, making evident his frustration. Eleanor looked at him worried and then pulled him to the kitchen.

“Can you explain to me now what’s happening? Why your sister ran away from home? Hell, I didn’t even know you had a sister, Bryce.”

Even if he wasn’t ready to talk about it, Bryce knew it wasn’t fair Eleanor didn’t know he had a sister, while she had talked about her family countless times.

“Elle, I…”—Now another fear was materializing: telling the truth about his family to someone from Boston. To the woman he loved, no less.—“To make a long story short, my family was a big deal in Hawaii. When I was in high school my dad went to jail for insider trading, and my mom only got off by testifying against him even though she was right there helping him the whole time.”

Eleanor gazed thoughtfully at him until she realized.

“Oh my god, Bryce… Your parents are The Lahelas? As in property tycoons turned white collars criminals The Lahelas?”

“That’s my family, and Keiki lives with them back in Hawaii. Dad got paroled a while ago for good behavior.”

Bryce saw as she remained in silence, surprise in her eyes. He couldn’t help but wince, waiting for the disappointed look, the disgust, the judgment. But nothing of it came. She instead tried to understand why Keiki was running away from home, what could have triggered that. She tried to convince him that this was not a simple rebellion as he was thinking. There was no judgment in her eyes or words. She just focused on Keiki and how to help him to deal with her.

Once Bryce felt less tense, he asked Eleanor to help him with dinner, which she accepted gladly. Half an hour later, the three of them enjoyed a plate of pasta that felt tastier as it was a result of collaborative work. 

Even if Keiki was hesitant to talk at first, the food put her in such a good mood that Eleanor got her to chat a bit with her, Bryce observing the exchange with admiration. From the answers, Eleanor could tell Keiki was a smart girl and mature for her age; she had a hot temper but the same self-assurance Bryce had, even the same smirks and looks.

“Thanks for dinner, Eleanor. .”—Keiki said before going to sleep.—"Good to know I won’t starve to death my first night here.”

“You’re welcome. It was nice to meet you, Keiki.”

She smiled at her and then got to the room.

Eleanor and Bryce stood in silence for a bit, none of then sure who had to speak first.

“Bryce, why you never told me? This is big.”—Eleanor finally said, standing in front of him, concerned.

“I know… I just…I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of you judging me.”

“Judge you? How could I judge you, Bryce?”

“Because it has always been like this. People know me and it’s okay at first, but then, when they know that I’m the son of a criminal, they assure me it’s okay but they never look at me the same, never treat me the same. They look at me like I’m about to do something, or like I’m a professional liar and I’m trying to cheat on them.”

“Bryce..”—She whispered, cupping his cheeks, her eyes full of sadness.

��I wanted to start from scratch here, no one knowing about my parents, no one judging me for that, just focusing on what I am, on how hard I worked to be at Edenbrook and be known for that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”—She said as he took him in her arms, embracing him tightly.

They stayed in silence for a while.

“How could you ever think that I would judge you, that I would treat you like that? I would never, Bryce. Never.”

“I know but some part of me thought you would.”

“Now I understand why you always changed the topic when I asked you.”

He nodded.

“But now you know you can trust me, right? Whatever you need, I’ll have your back.”

“I know, but… it’s not that simple, Eleanor. Since high school, people have seen me as a disease the moment they know I’m a Lahela, so I’ve never had anyone to trust about what I felt or just tell…stuff… the stress, the sadness… the things friends share. I never needed anyone to deal with problems, I could do it on my own until… until I met you, but I’ve ignored the feeling because I don’t wanna hold on to you, I’m scared that you’ll go away and I’ll lose the one person I trusted.”

“Why would I go?”

“Because nothing’s settled between us. There’s still the possibility that you’ll go with Ramsey or simply break up with me because you don’t want me anymore.”

“Bryce, we’ve been together for two whole months, I’m not planning to go anywhere.”

“Yeah, that’s what you say now, but you still want our relationship to be a secret because you don’t want Ramsey to know and make it a reality, because some part of you don’t want it to be true.”

“How can you say that?”

“Don’t be hypocrite Eleanor, please. I’m not stupid.”—Bryce retorted, hurt. She had never seen him this serious and cold.

“It’s not like that. And I don’t get where you’re going with this.”

“My point is, Eleanor, that I want to trust you, I really do want to tell you what is happening inside my head, but I can’t if the one person I can trust maybe won’t be here with me in two months or in a year. It doesn’t work like that with me. I have to keep on my own as always.”

“Bryce, no matter what, I’ll always be here for you, even if things turn out different-”

“No, Eleanor”—He interrupted—“Please don’t do this. Don’t be this selfish, thinking that if we end up things, we could go back to what we were. If I hold on you, I don’t know how I’ll deal with losing you or be away from you while I heal.”

“Bryce… Don’t be afraid, sometimes you have to take a leap of faith…”

“Don’t you think I haven’t taken enough leaps, Eleanor? I showed my feelings for you, I told you I loved you even before we were dating. You’re the only person I’ve done that with, and yet there is always a possibility that you won’t feel the same ever. And what about you? Yeah, you took a leap when you started dating me, but you can’t take a leap in leaving Ramsey in the past, tell him the truth, scrub all over his face that you moved on, because your ego is terrified that you weren’t enough to heal him. So, don’t dare to tell me that I should take a leap.”

He turned around and sat on the couch, both hands over his hair.

Eleanor looked at him, seeing the real Bryce for the first time. The Bryce that feels in pain, angry, annoyed, frustrated. Vulnerable. Human. The side she had never seen in him and she always wanted to know.

She took a few steps towards him and squatted down to face him.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to push you —She murmured—”I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you need me, okay?”

“I know, but I don’t think I’m ready for this, Eleanor. This is too much, and I need to deal with this on my own, that’s how I know best.”

“I understand.—She said softly, while taking his hands on hers.

The moment he felt his touch, his eyes threatened with tears and a knot ached in his throat. He pulled away from her grip.

“I… uh… I need you to go, Eleanor. I want to be alone.”

“Of course”—She replied, standing up.  

Once she collected her things she went to the door.

“Whatever you decide, just remember that I want the best for you, Bryce. I know we are in a complicated situation right now, but I’m doing my best to end this hell soon.”

And she left.

Bryce stood unmoved on the couch recounting the events of the past hours as the tears streamed down his face.

His biggest fears had occurred, and now he was feeling the incessant need of trusting Eleanor, tell her all the pain that was buried in his heart, but he just couldn’t. Just like his issues about his parents,  he had been burying the thoughts about Eleanor not wanting to confront Ethan about their relationship. He knew she still loved him and couldn’t blame her for that, but it was hurting him more than he thought, and he had just ignored his feelings and not said anything to her because if he opened up to Eleanor, even for one single thing, it would be like to open the pandora box, and he wasn’t ready to let all go.

Things were difficult in the next days. Keiki was absolutely decided to stay with him, especially since his parents didn’t reach him or Keiki to make her come back to Maui, and he still didn’t know how to deal with Keiki, because at any try of conversation, they ended up fighting or she ignoring his tries to be friendly.

The frustration and guilty were getting bigger and bigger.

He didn’t speak to Eleanor, and barely spend time with the rest of his friends. He just locked in on himself, focusing on working hard, and go straight home to be with Keiki even if they didn’t say anything or just argued. She was alone all day so she needed some company, and he really wanted to understand her, bonding with her and be like they were before, o maybe not like before, but he wanted to be her brother again.

However, soon he realized that he had been too harsh with Eleanor. Even if she was still in love with Ethan and didn’t want to make it official, it was all within their agreement. And more importantly, she had always been very respectful of their relationship, because she had only eyes and time for Bryce, and even if she wasn’t ready to commit, to tell the truth to Ethan and stop loving him, she was all in the relationship with him. He was her priority, he sensed that. He knew it.  Because she had been refusing any contact with Ethan since he was back.  When Bryce assumed that Eleanor had kissed him the night she stayed at Donahue’s, the reality was different.  And Ethan’s behavior the past weeks was proof of that. So, he felt bad for reacting that way. She didn’t deserve it when she only wanted to help.

*

Bryce was walking by the fourth floor, expecting to find Eleanor there, when he heard heated voices inside an empty room.

“This anger you have against me is about something else and I won’t allow it, Ethan.”

“What do you mean by ‘something else’?”

“Not work-related. You have been an ass to me for weeks, and whatever might be your reason, you’re being unprofessional and you’re exactly what you wanted to avoid.”

Then, absolute silence.

If Bryce was right, Eleanor was confronting Ethan about his behavior in the past weeks. She didn’t address the problem openly, but it was clearly a step he thought she wouldn’t take so soon.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”—She said when she ran into him, not cathing it was him at first.—"Bryce? Hi”

“Eleanor”—They stared in silence for a moment—"I was looking for you. What time does your shift end?”

Bryce saw the brief moment Ethan passed behind Eleanor, his face impassive and cold as steel, ignoring their existence completely.

“Half an hour, I’m doing my final round. Why?”

“I need to speak to you, meet me in the atrium as always?”

“Okay, yeah.”—Her cheeks flushed and couldn’t help but look at him with hope.

“See ya later, then.”

He waited in their usual spot and finally, fifteen minutes later, she appeared.

“I’m so sorry, I had to run new tests for a patient, and it took me ages.”

“Don’t worry, I’m glad you’re here.”

“So…”

“Let’s go to my car, we can talk there.”

“Okay.

Once both got in the car, they looked at each other until Bryce broke the silence.

“Elle, I want to apologize. I realized I was too unfair with you the other day. I know you were trying to help and I just took it on you, because I was frustrated with the situation and I didn’t know how to deal with it, let alone with another person offering help.”

“It’s okay, Bryce, it’s me who should apologize. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

“No, you were trying to help me, and I thank you for that. But I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that about Ramsey. You have been very respectful to our relationship, I want you to know that. I really appreciate it, babe. It’s just that sometimes this is… hard.”

“Bryce, listen, you were right, you don’t have to apologize for telling me the truth. I am afraid, and sadly I still have feelings for Ethan and I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to hurt you either, so it’s all so complicated.”

“I know, Elle, I know, that’s why I shouldn’t have been so rude. By no means you have been unfair or mean to me. It’s just that this is getting a bit hard for me, that’s all, especially now that I’m dealing with something big in my life and I want to hold on to you… But I’m terrified to do so.”

Eleanor rested her hands over his. 

“Look, I know I can’t promise you we will be together forever, but I want you to know that our relationship it’s the most important thing to me now, and I’ll do whatever I can to take care of us. We are still in this difficult process until things are clear inside my head, but right now I want to be here for you, I want to help you with your sister and with whatever you need. Just say the word, okay?”

He smiled thankfully and then nodded.

“Truce?”—She said, offering her hand.

“Truce”—He agreed, but instead of taking her hand, he kissed her sweetly in the lips.

Eleanor giggled against him.

“God, I missed you so much.”—He sighed, parting from her just a brief moment, to keep kissing her for another couple of seconds.

“Me too. These days have been a real nightmare without you. How are you dealing with Keiki?”

“Not so well, actually. That’s why I wanted to ask you if you would like to go home with me tonight. I haven’t been able to talk with Keiki, and if you there with me, maybe I’ll understand her better. I don’t wanna fight with her anymore.”

Eleanor smiled warmly at him.

“This means that you’re letting me in?”

Bryce had made his decision but couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous.

“Yes. I want you with me in all this, Elle.”

“You won’t regret it. I promise.”

When they get home a delicious smell invaded their nostrils. Keiki was in the kitchen apparently frying some beef.

“Hey Keiki”—They both greeted.

“Hey. Eleanor, I didn’t know you were coming. I hope I’m doing enough food for the three of us.”

“We’ll make it work”—Bryce said, hopeful.

“If not, Bryce, you can call a delivery just as you like.”

“Haha, always so loving, sis. Whatcha doing?”

“Mongolian beef, I found an easy recipe on Instagram and here I am.”

“You need any help?”

“Umh, maybe with the rice, I have to chop the scallions and then have an eye on the beef.”

“Sure.”

They both washed their hands and then Eleanor taught Bryce how to cook rice while suggesting topics to talk. Some were delicate and Keiki reacted badly, but after every scowl Eleanor gave to Bryce, he tried to act more empathetic, listening to her before judging.

Once the dinner was served, the three seated with smiled on her faces.

“Keiki, this is great!”—Eleanor praised after giving the first taste to her plate.—“You had cooked before?”

“Yeah, a couple of times, but it’s not that I have the chance to do it often when you have people who cook for you”—She replied, a bit embarrassed.

“And what do you like to do? Reading? Singing? Playing an instrument? Skateboarding?”

“I like drawing, reading, and sometimes taking pictures.”

“That’s great. Boston has such beautiful places to do it.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I’ve took some really nice. ”

“You must show me them after dinner, okay?”

“Sure”

“ And what about your friends? You are not missing them now that you’re here?”

“Nah, I don’t have actual friends there, they all hate me.”

“Why they hate you?”—Bryce asked, brows furrowed.

That was the moment Bryce had been waiting since her sister got there, because with that question, Keiki let everything out. 

Bryce finally knew the motives that made her leave home and fly all over the Pacific Ocean and to the other side of the country to be with him, even if they hadn’t seen each other in ten years.

And it happened that her sister was living the same hell he lived. Her classmates hated her for what his parents did, and of course, they hadn’t done anything to protect her. They only cared about their reputation.

The mistake he kept making for ten years had led to this. Her sister suffering from loneliness, abandonment, bullying. Just like he did.

“Keiki I’m …. I’m sorry I didn’t call more. I should have been looking out for you.”—Bryce finally said.

“It’s not like you could have done anything from all the way over here.”

“I could, Keiki. I should have tried, I should have done better, I should have stood in front of mom and dad if you needed me to. And I didn’t. I let this happened. But I’m gonna do better, starting from today.”

Bryce got up from the chair and opened his arms, inviting her sister to do the same. After a few moments of staring at him, she finally stood up and threw herself into his arms.

“I’m sorry I was a jerk when I turned up. And like… every day since.”—She apologized, complete sincerity in her eyes.

“The only jerk here is me. You can stay with me for as long as you need, okay? We’ll figure it out.”

“Thanks, Bryce.”

“I’m sorry, Keiki. Truly.”

“Bryce, it’s okay. I’m happy that I can count on you.”

“Always.”

The three chatted on the couch until Eleanor started to feel sleepy. She and Bryce said goodnight to Keiki, who had given his bed back a couple days ago as she found out the couch really comfy and his brother needed proper rest more than her.  When they locked in the room, Bryce pulled Eleanor to his chest gently, resting his forehead into hers.

“Thank you for doing this.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“All the right questions, and all those scowls and deadly glares that meant ‘stop screwing it up, Bryce’ is doing nothing? Really?”

“Ah, well. It was minimal. You did the hard job here, you get your sister to talk, and you listened to her and empathized with her. You apologized. You were the support she was looking for. You did it amazing, Bryce. Not me.  I’m so proud of you.”

“This wouldn’t have been possible without you.”—He kissed her in the lips, giving her the sweetest smile she had even seen in him, it made her stomach flutter.

“Good things happen when you trust people, you see?”

“Only with you.”

“I know. And I won’t let you down.”

___

[legobiwan]

Just got home from The Rise of Skywalker. No pithy intro, I’m just going to jump right in and it’s going to be a LONG rant here so buckle up, my friends, and be sure to read below the cut. SPOILERS AHOY YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Okay, so yes, the first third of the movie went at a blistering, nearly nonsensical pace. JJ  really had to cram a whole watermelon’s worth of exposition into a...well, you know, there was a lot to take in. This movie had to do so much telling instead of showing because it was such a departure (and middle finger to TLJ) from what came before. 

The thing was, the first third was also the most interesting part of the movie. I actually wish the whole trilogy had started with all of the Sith nonsense. (Actually, I wish they had started with Kylo absolutely wrecking shit like he did and then the Palpatine scene. People would have made all the wrong assumptions and it would have been glorious to unravel it over three films.) There is a strong history of Sith artifacts in both Nu-Canon and Legends, and it wouldn’t have been out of place, considering what we know now, to have made Rey, Poe, and Finn’s quest for these artifacts the start of the new trilogy, and then told the rest of the story in a non-linear timeline. Probably too experimental for a Star Wars reboot, but it would have grabbed attention and everyone like creepy Sith shit. 

Frankly, I would have dropped zombie-robot Palpatine at the very start of the trilogy, as well. It’s bonkers but I don’t hate the Rey Palpatine thing and they could have spent the rest fo the movies explaining this weird-ass lineage and how it relates to Kylo, Snoke, etc. and then have built back to the final confrontaion on Exegol. 

Leia. Trained. Rey. I so so so so so wished we had been able to get more of this. This, in my mind, is what it should have been all along. I liked TLJ (okay, so shoot me) but Master Leia is a whole other level of awesome. If I had to rewrite Luke and Leia’s roles, it would have went something like this:

Luke was searching for Sith artifacts. Luke was becoming disillusioned by what he was learning of the Jedi through “The Sacred Texts.” WHO DOES THAT SOUND LIKE? Hmmmm, I wonder....

Could you imagine Luke started to go a little Dooku in this respect, and so instead of fucking off the Ach-To because he had a feeling that was more “gravy than of grave” about Ben Solo’s dark sidedness, he fucked off to Ach-To - or even better - gave up training in order to keep himself from going down a darker path. 

And so instead, Leia is getting involved with training (and probably also governing at the same time because she would be an overachiever like that.)

Enter Ben Solo, who is Force sensitive, strong, being trained by his mother and occasionally his uncle, who is not totally plugged into the light side at the moment, which can rub off on Ben. Meanwhile, Han is maybe not the best father (he wants to be, he tries, but it all comes out wrong. I’ve been watching a lot of Psych lately, so I’m thinking of a dynamic similar to Henry and Shawn, but a little more dramatic.)

Of course, Palpatine is seeing all of this behind the scenes, he’s fostering ill will and discontent through the scattered remains of the Empire, sending Snoke clones out to be almost pseudo-religious/cult figures in the wake of the economic and social devastation left by the Empire’s fall and the floundering new government. Extremism, in pockets, rises. Extremism which preys on discontent, which preys of the desire for family, for belonging. 

Enter again Ben Solo, who has been pitted against the other strongest trainee, Rey (insert whatever last name you want. She knows it’s not her real name, she knows she was an orphan on Jakku, but she was brought by Luke to be trained). Ben is pissed how she and Leia bond, has been talking to his uncle, and perhaps encountered a Snoke clone on the way. 

Rey, on the other hand, is no one but wants to be someone, and that manifests in weird ways during her training. Perhaps she leaves at some point, perhaps not. But the seeds of her being Palpatine’s bloodline are laid within her. She wants to seek that belonging Ben has.

Okay, but getting away from my personal rewrites of the sequels, Star Wars is about family and lineage, both blood and found. There was so much potential to play on this throughout the trilogy with the Skywalkers, with Rey’s relation to Palps that if they had just planned the damn thing, it could have been brilliant. 

Moving ...(for now)

I felt so bad for Oscar Isaac. I felt like I watched his soul slowly depart his body over almost 3 hours. That man was not a happy camper and it came out in his performance. 

Power levels. Here’s the thing, guys. Magic needs to have consequences. Sure, you can cast a spell, but what does that take from you? You can use the Force, but to what degree? How much? Even Anakin exhausted himself at some points, and he was (allegedly, according to one Qui-gon Jinn), the Chosen One. It’s the first law of thermodynamics - energy can neither be created nor destroyed - and the Force is literally the energy of every life thing in the galaxy. You take the energy, use it towards something else, it has to drain from somewhere. This is what bugged the hell out of me with Rey’s Force Healing abilities (an ability that doesn’t thrill me to begin with as it’s so easy to overuse). Kylo keels from resurrecting the dead (and yeah, he was pretty beat up already), but Rey barely seems to breathe a beat harder. Once you start ignoring the consequences for magic, you end up like a shitty video game, and one of the criticisms I’ve leveled at the movie is that it feels like a montage of Battlefront and I can’t say that’s totally off point.

JEDI HUNTERS. Ochi. I will bet my right liver we’re going to hear something about this on The Mandalorian. 

So I know a lot of people wanted to see Rey Kenobi, but there was one piece of glaring evidence in the film why that would never be. (Aside from Kylo just announcing it to Rey.) She has a lightsaber, but she still ends up using a blaster. So uncivilized.

Speaking of The Mandalorian - Stormtroopers with Mando jetpacks. Hmmm.....

I loved techno-Sheev hooked up to all the equipment just floating. That was creepy as hell and played with the whole cloning and extension of life that was such a large part of the Darth Plagueis novel (which I still consider to be canon, higher powers be damned). Also, Palpy’s glowup with the wardrobe was hilarious. 

Dark!Rey was hot. There, I said it.

Let’s talk about romance. Or the lack thereof. Or the shoehorned thereof.

Poor Rose got shafted in this film with no explanation. I didn’t buy that whole thing in TLJ, but god damn anyway. (Finn also got shafted, for different reasons, which I will talk about later.)

If they were going to romance, just let it have been Finn and Poe, Finn and Rey, or fuck it, even a trio. 

I mean, I could have bought Reylo if it had been presented better. (With context. Adam Driver is an amazing actor, another thing I’ll talk about later.)

The Reylo kiss though - my theater laughed. No joke.

Of course, this was the same theater that thought Lando was trying to mack on Jannah at the end, so who knows what we were all thinking in there. (On that note, Lando was hilarious because no matter what, he was just having a grand ‘ol time in the movie. I like to think he got a medical spice card in his retirement years and was just enjoying anything that came his way, be it Wookiees, Jedi, starships, wars, whatever.)

While the Reylo kiss didn’t hit the mark the space lesbian background kiss got cheers, so there was some hope for my fellow theater-goers.

Did anyone pick up on Threepio saying the Senate made the bill that would render him incapable of translating the Sith language? No doubt that was a Palpatine move from TCW era. 

What is up with these movies and desert/jungle planets? Ugh. Thank everyone for Kijimi, at least that was interesting. 

New characters I loved: Babu Frik and DO. 

Finn’s Force sensitivity. Yes, I totally buy it. I wanted more. I wanted more fucking context of a Stormtrooper who would have known nothing of the Jedi getting these feelings and then bailing from the First Order (or, if I were writing the movies, bailing from the remnants of the Empire/Snokes weird military cults.) Totally underutilized character development. 

We. Were. Robbed. of Good!Ben. Adam Driver is so phenomenal. Form the little we saw of redeemed Ben, he is the perfect mix of his parents, from the “Ow” to the eyebrow wagging, the swagger, the smirks...I LOVED good!Ben. I wanted so much more good!Ben. What a transformation.

Speaking of which - the scene between Kylo/Ben and Han was terrific. I wish we had had more context for why everything went south, but it was so good and the type of family dynamic we really needed more of. 

The Knights of Ren looked awesome in this film? They needed to be like the Black Order of Star Wars, and they were getting to it, but not quite there. Gods, they could have been the enforcers of Snoke’s cults (Palpy’s puppet cults) that could terrorize far more than a normal, brainwashed Stormtrooper, who was only useful as cannon fodder (I mean, if we look at the history of the clone army to the Stormtroopers, it would be terribly fitting.)

That ship tug-of-war was DUMB. (See my rant about magic and consequences). But, if Rey was going to shoot lightening Palpy-style and blow up a ship, Chewie should have died. I’m sorry, that’s terrible, I love him, but there needed to be consequences for actions and throughout the film, there were either no consequences or random consequences that were a narrative convenience rather than developed into the plot/characterization/worldbuilding. 

Here’s the thing with the ST - there is so much potential. There are some awesome ideas. But they wanted to play if safe with JJ by rebooting the OT, Rian was too far out for them, there was no cohesive storytelling, and so we get these little glimpses into what could have been amidst a shitstorm of trailers for Battlefront 17. 

we could have had it allll....

Final rating: 4/10

[alls-fair-in-pride-and-prejudice]

The Star King’s Labyrinth Part 1

part 2, part 3

As promised, here is part one of my Dragon Prince/Labyrinth mashup fic. Aaravos is in the role of the lovely Goblin Elf king, and my OC Lyra is the lucky poor unfortunate human to be whisked away. The plot of this fic will largely mirror that of the original Labyrinth, but I went ahead and changed a bunch of things. For one, I spent longer on exposition than the movie did. (In which we will see professors Viren and Opeli - which made me wonder if people in The Dragon Prince have last names?)

Rated T on AO3 because cursing. 

Tagging: @psijics​ and @king-bito​ (since you were the first I mentioned this idea to I figured you’d want to see I did the thing)

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged for future parts!

~~~

Lyra was already stressed after her physics class earlier that day. She knew Professor Viren strict, but she had no idea it was this bad.

“I have made myself clear in the past, no late work is accepted in my class,” the physics professor said, not even looking up from the work on his desk.

“I’m not asking for credit; I’ll accept the zero. I just want to be able to do the online assignment to make sure I learn the material,” Lyra explained. She needed to master her understanding of gyroscopes to move on to future material, but the online problems were closed the moment the due date hit, and she could not even check her answers. “Please, I was sick. There was only so much schoolwork I could do before the cold medicine knocked me out.”

Professor Viren shot her a withering look from overtop his glasses. “Then perhaps you should have worked on this material earlier so getting sick wouldn’t have been a problem. If you want to succeed, you have to prepare in advance in case of these things.”

Lyra gritted her teeth, wanting to say something like “Since it’s clearly been a while since your student days, maybe you’ve forgotten how hard it is to keep your head above water in the day to day work.” Or maybe even something like, “I know they had only just accepted the heliocentric model when you were in school, but we modern day students have a lot more to cover, so some fucking basic empathy would be appreciated you pretentious asshole.” She held her tongue, only muttering to herself once out of his office, “it’s just not fair.”

At least she had multivariable calc afterwards. It was always entertaining if they went over something with applications in physics, because then they would witness one of Professor Opeli’s legendary anti-physicist rants. “You do not need to understand the underlying concepts. In fact, you’re probably better off not trying to. You just have to do the math and you’ll sail right through the classes. Don’t even bother with physics professors, they’re virtually useless.” she said once. A student said that Professor Viren would probably be offended to hear that.

Professor Opeli simply gestured to her stony expression. “Does this look like the face of a woman who cares what he thinks?”

Any good feelings Lyra had towards Professor Opeli were immediately dissipated once she decided to assign extra work for the fall break. It’s so unfair! Do these people not understand the concept of a break? Lyra wondered. 

The answer, of course, is “yes,” but college professors do not see days off from school as breaks, but more as lost time that must be made up.

Lyra, a fool that did not yet know that expectation is the root of all heartache, had set her hopes on a relaxing trip home for the four-day weekend. She wanted to go to the pumpkin patch and catch up on some reading while drinking hot apple cider. At the rate she was getting homework assigned, it appeared that she would be lucky to get the cider as a comforting treat while she worked.

At least her parents would help her with laundry and meals… she hoped.

But, as we have already established, Lyra was one to set her hopes too high. Her mother had forgotten that her daughter was coming home that weekend and had booked a gig that would require her and Lyra’s father to travel out of town for the weekend. “At least the dog doesn’t have to go in the kennel now,” Lyra’s mother said over the phone.

“Yeah, so on top of all the stress I’m under, I can also spend the weekend picking up dog shit,” is what Lyra wanted to say. Out loud, she said, “yeah it’ll be nice to cuddle with him this weekend.” Which, she supposed, was true. At least she had a furry companion to help ease her stress levels.

After a two-hour drive Thursday night, Lyra decided she could afford the rest of the evening to relax in the empty house. After taking Orpheus the labradoodle out to do his business, she made herself a cup of hot chocolate and curled up with a fantasy romance novel. It was extremely cliché and an easy read – by no means a great literary work – just how Lyra liked it.

It had just enough spooky elements in it to feel suited to the season too, a gothic vampire romance. The heroine rescued by a creature of the night and taken back to his castle (never mind that there were not castles just laying around in colonial United States, where the tale takes place).

Still, Lyra could not completely keep her mind on the story for her stress. She was already considering what online resources she would have to practice with since Professor Viren had such a stick up his ass that he couldn’t even leave the practice problems open to the students. Khan Academy maybe? It was invaluable in her high school days. Did they have college level coursework on there? How would her grades survive if she couldn’t learn this?

Lyra sighed, trying to turn her attention back to the fantasy world in hand. This was supposed to be her one chance to relax and she was not about to waste it. She reached for her mug only to discover the greatest of all tragedies: her hot cocoa had gone cold, and the marshmallows melted into a sticky inconvenience around the rim. Setting the mug back on the coaster, Lyra groaned. Orpheus, awoken from his nap on the floor by the noise, trotted over to Lyra, apparently deciding he needed belly rubs.

Lyra obliged him, making room for him to curl up next to her on the couch. Of course, despite his size, Orpheus was under the impression he was a lap dog, and there had to be careful maneuvering for Lyra to get some semblance of comfort once he decided she was his new bed.

Cuddling her dog had always been comforting in the past, but it was not long before Lyra wondered about her future, and she could fell the loneliness creeping in sitting in the otherwise uninhabited house. She couldn’t blame school stress for her inability to enjoy that moment, now could she? Why could she not enjoy what moments of rest she had? How was that fair?

Lyra could not deny that her grades were falling apart, and she wasn’t even sure that astrophysics was what she should pursue, but if she was not an academic, what was she? What else did she have going for her in this world after devoting her life since elementary school to good grades and academic success? Despite being a junior, she lacked any social connections that lasted more than a few months. Friendships were hard. She could never really figure out where she stood with people, always being as accommodating and friendly as possible to be safe. After the fact she always worried she came across as clingy, which would set the whole cycle of isolation over again.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if I could just run away from all of it?” Lyra mused aloud as she rubbed Orpheus’s ears. He did not respond, since he was a dog, and this isn’t the kind of story where animals start talking out of nowhere. “I guess that’s what I was hoping to accomplish by coming home this weekend, but my problems followed me here.” She inspected the art on the cover of the cheap paperback. “I want a castle. No, not a castle, I just want to run away somewhere that my problems don’t follow me. Where hot cocoa doesn’t get cold and gross and I don’t have to deal with stuck up professors and unreasonable deadlines.”

Lyra leaned back on the sofa, throwing her head back to look to the ceiling. She was not often one to talk to herself aloud, but perhaps it was the need to fill the empty space that made her voice her lamentations. Maybe some part of her, an instinctual part left over from the days when humans had to evade large predators, knew she was not really alone, that someone was listening in.

“I just wish I could leave this world altogether,” Lyra shouted to the (seemingly) empty room.

All the lights in the house flickered for a moment, then went dark, the only light coming from the streetlamps and moon outside. “It is my pleasure to grant your wish, Lyra,” replied a voice from the shadows.

Lyra leapt off the couch in alarm, spinning around to see where the intruder was. From what she could see, there was nothing out of the ordinary. Orpheus confirmed for her that something was wrong, raising his hackles and growling softly. Lyra grabbed a nearby decorative candlestick as an improvised weapon for self-defense. “Who’s there?”

There was no answer in any sort of verbal language, but Lyra felt an instinctual pull towards the entryway of the house. She crept along cautiously, Orpheus keeping close by her. She gave him a soft pat on his head as thanks for his loyalty.

In the entryway, across from the coat closet, was a small end table where keys and other assorted odds-and-ends were kept, with a mirror above it to check one’s appearance before leaving. As Lyra approached, she saw a figure in the mirror alongside her own reflection that became clearer bit by bit, as if emerging from fog.

She knew she had to be going insane at that point. The first thing she noticed about the figure in the mirror was that he was purple with silver freckles across his skin. Then his horns, curving against a head of silver-white hair, became clear through the mist, and Lyra wondered if she was dealing with some sort of demon. The sclera of his eyes was black, and his irises were golden and almost glowed in the dim light. Those eyes carried, like the rest of the figure, a frightening sort of beauty, like lightning that strikes a little too close for comfort.

In the mirror, the strange figure stood next to Lyra wrapped in a black cloak with gold trim. Whatever he was… he certainly was not human. Against perhaps her better judgment, Lyra reached out to touch the glass of the mirror in disbelief of what she was seeing. The figure glanced down to where Lyra’s hand met her reflection and smirked.

The person in the mirror reached forward, and Lyra saw a sparkling violet hand reach out to touch hers on her side of the mirror. She screamed and whirled around, swinging the candlestick. The stranger caught her by her wrist, seeming only mildly annoyed at most.

“Is that any way to greet the one that just granted your heart’s desire?” the stranger asks, with a deep baritone voice like honey.

“Granted… what?” Lyra sputtered, taking a moment to find her voice, and managing to wrench back her wrist from his grip in the process. Lyra realized that at some point in her shock, Orpheus had disappeared. So much for a loyal companion. She took a cautious step back from the very strange man in her house, finally settling on one question to start: “Who the fuck are you?”

The man took Lyra’s hand, bowing and placing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. She tried to ignore the fluttering of her heart at the gallant gesture. “I am Aaravos, king of this realm. You wished to leave your world, so I brought you here.” He stood, snapping his fingers, and the walls dissipated like mist, leaving the two of them standing in a twilit forest.

Lyra looked around, taking in the ethereal surroundings: the lights like tiny multicolored stars hanging in the branches, and the floating bits of stardust around them. They stood on a hillside, and in the distance, atop another hill, a gleaming castle with impossibly tall and spiraling spires reached into the night sky. Surrounding it in the valley below was a labyrinth so large and twisted it could rival Greek myth.

“And… where is here?”

Aaravos leaned against a nearby tree that bended and curved upon his approach to something more comfortable to rest against. “This was once a realm that served as a prison, but those that sent me here underestimated my power and my ability to mold this world into something more suitable. These days, I find I prefer my new home to the one that banished me. You would be advised to stay close to me, and I can help you avoid the areas that still serve as places of torment.”

“Torment??” Lyra laughed, a tense and nervous sound that grated even on her own ears. “This is just a weird dream. I fell asleep on the couch and I will wake up any minute now… right? Right? I just… I want to go home.”

Aaravos’s face scrunched up in confusion, and a darkness took hold of his gaze as he stalked toward her. “Not five minutes ago, you wished to leave your home. I have graciously granted your wish, and now you would rudely refuse my gift to you?”

Lyra gulped, debating whether she should appease this being with an apology, or whether she should try to reason with him and defend her right to go home. When looking up into the face of this man that radiated dangerous power, Lyra’s sense of self-preservation demanded she choose the former. “I’m sorry,” she said, voice quiet and shaky, “I did not mean to offend.”

Aaravos smiled, reaching up to brush his fingers along Lyra’s cheek. The sweet caress made her shiver, though she was not sure if it was from fear or… something else. “Nothing in this world or any other, dear Lyra, is truly free. I will admit I had an ulterior motive for bringing you here.”

Lyra sucked in a deep breath, staring up at Aaravos with as much courage as she could muster. “And what was that, exactly?”

Aaravos grinned. “I am terribly bored, and you little humans are so interesting.” He took a lock of Lyra’s dark hair that had fallen from her bun and twirled it around a finger. “I could get a lifetime’s worth of entertainment just watching how you react to magic that is so commonplace for me. Do you really wish to go back to your dull human world with your deadlines and lonely nights? Reading books about magical adventures instead of having your own?”

Lyra hesitated, tempted by the offer... but it all sounded too good to be true. There had to be another catch, and she knew she could not trust this Aaravos to be transparent. Besides, as frustrating as it was at times, she loved her studies. She loved her family and her dog and she could not give that up forever. “Please, let me go back. I didn’t mean it when I said I wanted to leave. I was just frustrated. Let me go, please.”

Aaravos sighed melodramatically. “Oh, if you insist… I suppose I shall have to amuse myself some other way.”

Lyra almost laughed in relief. She began to say her thanks, but Aaravos cut her off with a look that carried a sadistic glee to it. “Let’s play a game, then,” he said, his tone sharp and without any of the softness it carried moment before. With a wave of his hand, a clock floated above his palm. “I will give you thirteen hours. If, in that time, you can make it through that labyrinth to my castle, I will send you home. If not, you will stay here forever.” With a snap of his fingers, the second hand on the clock began ticking.

“Wait!” Lyra cried, “I never agreed to that! What kind of deal is that?”

Aaravos cocked a snowy white eyebrow. “You seem to be under the impression, little star, that I was asking your permission. No. I have simply informed you of your current predicament. If you wish to return home so badly, I suggest you get moving. After all,” he gestured to the floating clock with a nod of his head, “the clock is ticking.”

In a flash of blinding white, Aaravos disappeared, and Lyra was no longer on the hilltop, but staring at an elegantly carved stone archway possibly thirty feet tall. She stomped her foot and shook her fist at the sky. “YOU BASTARD,” she screamed, “That’s not fair!”

Left with no other option, Lyra stepped through the archway into the labyrinth.

A/N: Opeli’s disdain towards physics professors is based off an actual calc professor I had. The physics and calc professors I had that semester talked shit about each other and their departments. It was great.

Lyra is a college student because an immortal elf hitting on a 21-year-old is less creepy than one hitting on a 16-year-old. In her original universe, Lyra’s parents were bards, so I decided to leave them as vague performers/musicians in the modern world. 

[supercorptrashcan]

Legends of Tomorrow “Terms of Service” and Sara Lance: Thoughts

Okay, so I’ve never actually full-on ranted/processed/word-vomited?? before on this app....but tonight,  I’m having some pretty hefty thoughts here so IMMA DO IT. (Bare with me, please?) 

I want to talk about Sara Lance. She’s long been my favorite Arrowverse character. To be honest, her introduction to Arrow in season 2 was primarily the reason for hooking me into the entire storyline of the show and, subsequently, into the DCU (of the CW variety) as a whole. As such, I’ve been in love with Sara Lance- as a character, as a woman, and as a truly remarkable human- for years. I have loved every second of her on Arrow. Whether or not I can say I agree that she was treated well all the time (character development or otherwise) I cannot say, BUT, I always felt like I knew her, understood her, and could feel the very essence of her soul shining through during each of her scenes (That sounds pretty lame, probably, I recognize that, but it still has always rung true for me so WHATEVER). Now here’s the thing, and by “thing” I mean here’s the confusing and up until this point “annoying to me” part of Sara Lance as a character on Legends of Tomorrow versus on Arrow: up until tonight, I don’t think I’ve fully understood Legends of Tomorrow’s Sara Lance. At all. And I think, maybe, tonight I finally do? It’s just a theory, a stream of consciousness really, but here are my thoughts on Sara Lance and her progress, development, and portrayal on LOT tonight versus since she first hit the screen on Arrow years ago.

Tonight, I felt like there was something very important to discuss that I doubt many people would even stop to consider. What I’m talking about is Sara’s reaction to Gary once she realizes the fairy godmother has bewitched him into a position of magical power as the “captain of the waverider.” Now I understand that the following scenes were intended to be comedic (and even to me, for the large part they were) but, I couldn’t help thinking that Sara’s reaction to the whole situation was much less amusing than the producers/writers intended it to be. The reason why I say this is because I felt Sara’s reaction was actually extremely poignant and telling (even though it still, somehow, managed to retain its humor - because, probably, Caity Lotz is a literal God of all things acting related :-P) of Sara’s past experiences and trauma while held captive on board the Amazo.....

Okay, and now I REALLY get it that this was a stupidly long exposition to lead into talking about what I headcanon as part of Sara’s past traumas on board that hell ship. But, I guess here we go? So the thing is, I feel like Captain Ivo, while obviously exuding much more overtly threatening and abusive tones towards Sara, was still a comparable experience (in terms of a frame of experiential reference) for her in terms of how she related to Gary’s sudden forced “reign” over the Waverider. What I mean to say is, I felt like Sara’s clear, and in my opinion, startlingly automatic response of “faked subservience” to Gary during this episode, while intended to be goofy and in alignment with the whole show’s campy, comedic shpiel was actually extremely telling and reminiscent of Sara’s most deep-rooted and long-guarded traumas as a person, that she sustained while under the control of Captain Ivo during her 12+ months held captive on his ship. Anyway, sorry to be a big bummer and possibly make people mad or anything. But I guess I was just wondering if anyone out there shared any thoughts (either agreeing or disagreeing) with any of this, regarding tonight’s LOT episode. I’m open to whatever ya’ll got :-P  

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: The Hurt Locker, Part 1

Masterpost

6x04: The Hurt Locker, Part 1

It’s weird that this is, really, the only two parter of the entire show.   I mean some episodes had drastic cliffhangers, and others aired together, but this is one of two -- which makes me wonder if this was originally all going to be one episode.  It’s hard to tell.  

We’re also getting into that cracky, cracky fourth wall breaking part of the show.  I know some of you don’t like it - that it feels like they’re putting too much of a spotlight on fandom and the audience.  I guess it doesn’t really bug me? I think they’ve always done this, even so far back as mid-season 1, it’s just a bit more concentrated now -- and I think there’s a part of them that just didn’t give a shit either.  Not many people were watching at this point anyway.  Idk...  

The Hurt Locker

So - we start this episode off with the bizarre crackiness that is Sue’s hurt locker -- where she her psychopathic tendencies and her meta commentary come to collide.  And when she’s not making voodoo dolls out of Will and Rachel (and plotting that bizarre and icky hypnotism stuff on Sam) she’s daydreaming about Klaine’s fabulous gay wedding because it’s her dream to be flower girl.  

Now - at his point, I’m not sure I can even meta this.  I mean, yeah, I can go into the whole thing where Sue’s always had a soft spot for Kurt - and she has.  And a lot of this is wanting Kurt to have a happy wedding (because apart she finds them both shrill and annoying).  But, you know what, let’s just go with it.  Sue’s mega shrine to Klaine is really a stand in for us shippers.  

Honestly, I think it’s kind of funny.  This particular episode - are the writers poking at our eccentricity? Maybe, sure.  But - it’s also celebratory in its own twisted way.  And idk, in a way - Sue’s pushing them back together because ‘we’ want them back together.  But also - because the narrative (the writers) want them back together, too.  

Would they have gotten back together if Sue hadn’t gotten intervened?  Idk - that’s not the story the writers are telling.  So, if you want to explore that, go write the fanfic about it! But the writers are telling the Klaine gets back together story -- and this is the insane way the chose to do it.  

Alright, so beyond the fact that this is utterly terrifying - I find it fascinated that she places Blaine as the bride.  Make of it as you will - but I do think it’s an interesting departure from the idea that Kurt is the ‘girl’ of the relationship.  [side note - they are two guys - there is not a girl in their relationship.]

Blouses

Alright - so Sue hauls Kurt into her office and you know what? He’s totally not having it.  He’s been done with her shit for years, and I’d like to point out that his unwilling attitude is their from the beginning of the scene.  The minute he sits down, he’s over it - and that’s before Sue goes on to declare that his life ambition is to get back together with Kurt.  

I also - kinda think the whole idea of blouses, light and airy femme-ish gays, is kinda funny.  

So, here’s my thing about this scene.  Kurt firmly tells Sue that he doesn’t want to get back together with Blaine.  And in this scene, it may be firm, but it’s not harsh.  

At the end of the series, Kurt’s going to tell Sue that he’s grateful she pushed he and Blaine back together -- because apart, and even after trying to heed to Britany’s advice and move on - Kurt’s not happy.  In fact, as he says in the series finale, he’s miserable.  So yeah - him telling Sue that he doesn’t want to get back together with Blaine is sorta like when he was declaring them friends and wanting ‘desperately’ to be over Blaine back in season 4.  He’s trying - because he doesn’t think it’ll happen.  

But beyond that - it’s good to remember that this is Sue we’re talking about.  She once tried to shoot Brittany from a canon.  She’s been an adversary since the beginning. Do you really think he’s going to trust her? Or really take any part of her shenanigans?  No - he really doesn’t want to do any of that, nor open up emotionally at all.  

The last episode was extreme on Kurt showing emotion - and in this one, he’s closed right up - because, god damn it, it freakin’ hurts when he goes there.  So why not listen to Brittany? Why not just compartmentalize and move on - because he thinks Blaine has.  

Anyway - back to Sue - case in point, at the end of the scene, she declares that she’s set up an invitational to destroy the glee club once and for all.  And she tells him that straight up (instead of voice over!!). So yeah - Kurt is not going to be open about his most vulnerable emotions to someone who is actively trying to destroy him in other ways.  I mean - that’d just be stupid.  

Bears

So... there’s an invitational.  Did you know there was an invitational during season 1? Yup - it was the episode with April Rhodes if you can believe it.  

Anyway, Rachel’s already talked to Will about going easy.  And now - Kurt and Rachel confront Blaine.  And Blaine is having none of it.  And I love it.  Because for the first time since... season 2? Blaine’s standing up for himself - being his own individual person, and not caving in to whatever Kurt wants.  That’s actually a good thing - because one of the issues they were having was that Blaine wasn’t his own person - he was kind of lost in Klaine and I’m thrilled to see him doing alright on his own.  

Meanwhile - if you watch closely, there is a slight look of amusement among the eye-rollyness we see from him here.  Kurt never wanted Blaine to be his lapdog either.  They’re on an equal playing field now - which is actually pretty good! 

So - in the middle of all the stand-off over invitationals, Blaine gets a text that there’s an intruder in his and Karofsky’s apartment.  I kind of love that they don’t call the police or anything but all go running over there to check it out.  This show and logic, man...  

Anyway - I think it’s kind of cool that Kurt (and Rachel) both go over to help Blaine! If the first few episodes of the season were about Kurt coming to terms with his feelings and the status quo, the next few (as told by Sue in the next episode) are about Kurt and Blaine becoming friends again.  And no matter how much is going on with the competition between glee clubs.  Kurt and Blaine are still in each other’s circles, and are still there to help each other out.  

So, um, yeah, there’s a literal bear in the apartment (and I think that the Karofsky freaking out about it part of it is to a) be funny, and b) show that Karofsky isn’t the scary dude we all knew from season two).  It is bizarre that a literal bear would be in the (brightly rainbow colored) apartment.  But, you know, that’s Sue for you - and Kurt catches on pretty quickly.  

I also kind of wonder if this is the first time Kurt’s been over there.  Huh. 

Delicious Porcelain Rump Roast

So, Kurt’s second trip back to Sue’s office is less lighthearted and annoyed - and more just plain angry.  And, I used to think this was slightly over played by Chris, but now that I’m watching this within context, I think maybe it’s not... 

Sue, literally, put a live bear in someone’s apt - and even if it was a cub, it’s still incredibly dangerous - and could have hurt someone badly.  Not to mention the cost of getting it out was probably not cheap.  Sue’s meddling dangerously in his life now - so of course he’s going to be adamant that he doesn’t want her help -- because it’s supposedly the only way it’s going to get her to stop.  

He also takes the moment to tell Sue that he’s met someone online.  And I have to figure that after the Brittany conversation, he went onto the dating sites he was using before he figured out his feelings, and tried again.  And this time met a dude who seems to really like Golden Girls, too, and I’m sure they’ve been up talking a lot.  Which I’m sure is a nice thing -- because having fun talking about old TV shows vs drowning in the misery of watching the person you’re deeply in love with live with your old tormentor - I can see why Kurt’s in the mindset he’s in.  

Anyway, he tells Sue to stop - but then Sue goes on another meta rant about how he can’t date because the dude will eat him alive because, let’s face it, after six years, Kurt Hummel has become a delicious little porcelain rump roast.  Thank you, Glee, for that nice long pan up and down Kurt’s full body.  Lol.  

As funny as Sue’s whole thing is, Kurt backs away slowly because she is freakin’ crazy, and she does need to butt out cause it really isn’t any of her business.  

Prep Work

So - this little scene is about Rachel and Kurt being teachers - and dumping a lot of exposition about the invitationals.  There’s not a whole lot of meta-ish things to say (other than Kurt’s literally twitchy at Rachel’s new piano skills), but it’s a fun and comedic little scene - where they try to give a nice pep talk to the newbies, but you know, there are only four of them and there are lot of things that could go wrong.  

Btw - is it just me or is Lea Michelle extra orange in this episode? 

I suppose this is the point where I should probably mention that season 6′s actual driving plot line is the same as season 1 - to get these kids to sectionals.  And a lot of effort is placed into that, and you know, we have a tendency just to forget that because we’re so focused on the Klaine aspect of everything.  But I’m saying this now because I think when looking at it in full context, the last three-ish episodes before the end make a lot more sense when we see that the story isn’t about the personal lives of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson (or even, really, much of Rachel Berry) but getting the glee club back on track.  And, eh.  Fine.  I would have preferred a different direction - but they’re trying hard to recapture that season 1 stuff.  And while I enjoy season six more than maybe most people - I still think they could have gone in maybe a more interesting and less rehashed direction for their last season. 

But, eh, they’re doing a full circle thing - so I get it.  

Ex-Lovebirds

So, Blaine comes in looking for Rachel for piano lessons - but she’s off sharing a pretzel with Sam because -- you know what, let’s not talk about that plot line.  Anyway, Kurt’s in the auditorium, too - and they both kinda eye-roll Figgins (who’s been reduced to janitor, btw).  Which reminds me - the scene before this is the scene where Figgins’s sister shows up as the Carmel High principal, and it is utterly one of my favorite things they’ve ever done.  

As soon as Figgins leave - we get Blaine in an upset pout.  And you know what, Kurt’s gonna go ahead and see what’s up.  Cause you know what? Kurt does care - and because they care.  And because they’re getting that friendship back.  It’s interesting to me - that even though there’s a high level of angst in this scene (and god is there) our beloved obligatory Klaine scene is the only scene in which Kurt is mostly relaxed? I mean - he’s not having to yell at Sue, or be professor to a bunch of kids, or have a super awkward date.  He’s just Kurt here - and Blaine’s just Blaine.  And I think it’s the first time in a while that they’re kind of openly just being themselves! 

The awkwardness is stems from the fact that this conversation? It’s about being romantically involved with other people.  Which - is a super weird conversation to be having with your ex.  But interestingly, pushing that awkwardness aside, they both seem to be there for each other.  Kurt’s going to reassure Blaine that Sue’s just messing with he and Karofsky - and they aren’t actually related, while Blaine’s going to wish Kurt best of luck on his upcoming date.  

Even if they didn’t get back together - I get the impression that they still benefit from being in each other’s lives.  As much as this scene is awkward - neither of them are being open to anyone else on the show right now.  It’s baby steps for them - but they were (are) also best friends - and not to diminish the friendships they have with Sam and Rachel respectively, there’s a bond that they share that’s...different than what they share with Sam and Rachel. 

There’s an interesting additional layer of complexity on this scene, though.  First of all, Kurt telling Blaine about his date -- it’s the first signifies to Blaine that he can be upset with Kurt all he wants, but he’s got to sort out his feelings.  Because if he doesn’t, maybe he and Kurt are really over.  

See - before Kurt says his little admission, they discuss Sue trying to get them back together.  And Blaine’s very adamant that as nice it was that they’re each other’s first everythings -- they’ve moved on and don’t want to get back together.  Blaine’s totally on the same page on that sentiment.  Maybe even more so than Kurt, because Kurt’s definitely more hesitant when they discuss it.  But then, bam! Kurt has a date and -- oh shit reality time for Blaine.  

Kurt says they’re being adult about it -- and they really are.  But saying you’re over your ex and actually being over your ex are two different things.  And I think this is the wake-up call Blaine needed. 

Meanwhile, Kurt is open and honest with Blaine -- and ACTUALLY TALKING TO HIM! Can we not down play that aspect? Communication has always been their hard spot, but here, despite the level of difficulty, they’re having and open and more mature conversation.  And yeah - angst flying everywhere -- but you know what? They’re growing up, too, and will be soon ready to be in that adult relationship. 

Well - maturity aside, it’s still not an easy conversation to have, and Blaine kinda gets outta there before they can get into it any more.  

There’s another awkward hug - not as weird as the Scandals one, but it’s always strange having to distance yourself from someone you’ve been very intimate with - and while they’re beginning to get comfortable with each other again, the physical intimacy boundaries are still very awkward.  

But then we have this last little moment of Kurt by himself.  Despite actually being interested in going on this date - he’s not Blaine, and that hurt and sadness and longing are still there.  He can yell at Sue all he wants, and he can tell Blaine they’re fine all he wants, but when he’s alone, he allows his misery to show through.  

Walter

Oh man - where do I even begin with this, lol

So, first of all, Walter totally was not what Kurt was expecting - and Kurt’s first reaction was to get the hell outta there.  It is creepy - this dude in his 50s purposely did not disclose the fact that he’s twice this kids’ age - and had kids, to get a date.  I’m sorry, like, creepy vibes all over.  I don’t necessarily think Walter turns out to be that way - but Kurt has every right to just jet -- which he kind of tries to do at first, honestly. 

Kurt’s face when Walter says he’s on instagram! 

So - here’s the thing to remember about this.  Despite the fact that this whole Walter thing is going to go on for a few episodes -- Glee is going out of their way to show that this is totally not a thing to last.  First of all, Walter is much older and just not on the same wave length as Kurt -- I mean, all the old people jokes from the earlier episodes in the season were totally setting this up -- but Kurt doesn’t necessarily want to date anyone his dad’s age.  

Secondly, this dude’s got a ton of baggage - he’s divorced, has kids, and is just coming to terms with the fact that he’s gay -- and which can be super awkward on a whole lot of levels.  There are a ton of red flags here, which is why, again, Kurt’s first instinct is to get the hell outta there. But it’s also a way for the writers to show that -- this isn’t a love connection or a good match.  Enjoying the Golden Girls is not a basis for a full functioning romantic relationship when there are a ton of other red flags going on.  

But to clarify a little bit - it’s obvious that Kurt and Walter are at two very different points of their lives, and that alone shows that this isn’t something that’s meant to last.  It’s here to be the last roadblock before Kurt and Blaine reconcile.  

I will say that I do find it kinda funny that Kurt got completely distracted by someone agreeing with him about Golden Girls being the best sitcom ever.  

However! Here’s the thing - Kurt’s got a ton of baggage, too, and like Adam - I’m a little sad we didn’t see these midgames explored just a tag more - because it would have been fun to see just how much Kurt goes on about Blaine unintentionally and be just as awkward and weird as Walter is when he’s talking about his ex-wife and kids.  

Why does Kurt end up sticking around? Because fundamentally - Kurt is a good person.  And he knows what it’s like to be gay, and just need someone there to know that you’re not alone.  He doesn’t owe Walter anything, but Kurt does have compassion, even if it’s for this late bloomer gay.  

Meanwhile, I know what you’re thinking -- do you think they hook up?  After this scene, no.  Walter states he’d like to start as friends, and that’s the only reason Kurt sticks around.  

Later? Well - I could make a case for either way.  The narrative is going to go out of its way to show how they’re rather platonic (really - while Blaine and Karofsky get jokes about their sex life, Kurt gets jokes about how he doesn’t have sex).   I also think that being someone’s first experience could be pressure that Kurt may not want to take on.   

At the same time, I think Kurt enjoys sex - and kind of the way Blaine’s not letting his relationship with Karofsky be intense, I think Kurt could be fine with some casual sex.  I think he has gotten to that point in his life where sex and love/romance don’t need to be so tangled with one another.  He’s still in love with Blaine, his heart won’t change.  But enjoying the physical side of things - I think he’s grown up enough to feel okay with doing that.  

And like Adam - it’s your choice.  I’m kind of indifferent on it, and like I said, could easily make a case for either one. 

That all said - do I think Walter was a necessity? No - I think there are other ways you can show someone moving on from a relationship that don’t involve dating another person.  But this is a) Glee - where they don’t know how else to tell these kinds of stories and b) mainstream society in which it’s routine to tell stories like this.  So I get it.  

Invitationals (Part 1)

Meanwhile, back in the overarching plot of the season - invitationals happen.  And Will decides to not do as Rachel asks and actually preps his group and not throw it.  To be fair, she should have never asked.  Still - he’s kind of a dick about it.  

And we’re forced to sit through two unnecessary vocal adrenaline songs because the episode was running a little light on music.  

I’m with ya Kurt.  Because while VA is flashy, there is almost no vocal showmanship when your lyrics consist solely of ‘rock lobster’ and ‘whip it’.  How can these even be songs for a glee club? Ug, this show.  

The only meaningful thing is that Kurt shares a ‘wtf’ look with Blaine.  They may have opposite groups, but they both can agree that Will and VA and this whole ending five minutes is just stupid.  

Get back to the more interesting plot, show, no one cares... 

[alicedrawslesmis]

More coherent thoughts on Les Mis BBC Episode 2

this has almost nothing to do with the bombastic parts and is very long so, be warned

Disclaimer, I'm not an expert and this is not researched so there might be things I get wrong here. But these are my thoughts that I just articulated on the show I watched not 2 hours ago

I have two main trains of thought going on in my brain right now

     1. Plot:

The show has to make the episodes stand on their own as well as be part of a whole. So they made the plot points in a way that you could get through them quicker and less in-depth than the book but still get through them all in a way that created a single complete story in a single episode. They turned Fantine's story into a story about how she feels about Valjean and turned Valjean's story into "help! Javert is gonna arrest me". It's simpler in order to try and be effective.

The mistake, and yes I think this was a mistake, was to try and have All The Plot Points of the book, adding a layer of Valvert sexy awkward pauses I guess, add exposition dialogue so that the themes are apparent to the viewer, keep with the themes of the book, add new scenes so Olivia Colman could act (she is great tho), have baby Marius be there and lose his father, show even less of little Cosette than usual, develop an extra layer to Fantine AND keep us emotionally invested while maintaining a simpler and more effective story. This is too many things to try and put us through.

I think Austen or Tolstoy are easier to adapt to television because the plots are mostly things happening to the characters, but Les Miserables is an old drunk man ranting about how much he loves France and Revolution and Republicanism and Romanticism with some scenes in the middle (y'all know I'm only slightly exaggerating). To keep the themes and the plot intact you need at least 19 hours (that's how much runtime Shoujo Cosette has hahaha). To keep the themes you must streamline the plot. Or make montages. Or make the characters talk to the audience about what is happening and how they're feeling, like, say, a soliloquy or a song.

I think the show is guilty of trying to have it all ways by choosing none... which brings me my next point

    2. Production:

I'm wondering if there's a mismanagement of time in pre-production, seeing how inconsistent the sets and costumes are in quality, also how the shots and the scenes are constructed visually. Sometimes the camera is still and sometimes not. Sometimes we have close-ups and sometimes not. The camera lenses the use are? Always changing for no reason? Like you don't have to use the same lens for every take but put some thought into why you're using them, m8... pls... I beg you....

There doesn't seem to be a lot of intent to anything, is the problem. Maybe it's less about time management and more about not having an clear idea about the work they are collectively producing. Les Mis 2012 had the stairs metaphors and the extreme close-ups, with an slightly augmented naturalism. They tried to convey emotion through approaching and pulling away, that was a choice Tom Hooper made and he stuck to that. Les Mis '82 has a cold detachment, the old Hollywood B&W ones usually had most their strength come from the dialogue (it was filmed more like a play then a film) and the actors' charisma. The '98 one had 90s girl-power teen rebellion and Liam Neeson.

I don't want to sound too harsh but so for this series has had only bad exposition, bad fonts and inconsistency...

But this is episode 2. We have way more to go, who knows what happens after this

I'm trying to remain positive so, I'll say this episode was better filmed. And I like Lily Collins and Olivia Colman. Actually Olivia Colman has saved this episode for me. Bless you Olivia!

[bookwormguri]

I don’t normally do this, but I’m going to take a moment to gush about Re:Creators and why I think anyone who is a creator of art should watch it, while also not-so-subtly grumbling about the reception it’s gotten. I’ll try to remain as spoiler-free as possible.

First I want to talk about my grievances so it doesn't seem like I’m incapable of seeing the flaws of the series. Although, if you’ve read any reviews about it, nothing I say will be new info. 

Pacing: The biggest issue I had was with the pacing of the series. Unlike some, I don’t think the story could have been told in 12 or 13 episodes. Doing so would have made the large cast seem extremely unwieldy and would have sacrificed characterization. However, it seemed very obvious in the middle part that they struggled with pacing. 

For example, I practically marathoned the series, but when I saw the preview for the next episode was a hot springs episode I stopped watching for the night, convinced that an episode like that probably wouldn’t lend much to the plot (I was right). The hot springs episode was probably by far the largest annoyance, but there were many many scenes that could have been trimmed for fat. After Mamika left, almost any scene in the bad guy’s camp had me reaching for my phone to scroll through tumblr. Those scenes lacked depth after the moral compass Mamika was gone. They mostly amounted to getting a small glimpse of a new baddy and Altair brooding and being maniacal.

Altair’s Power: Which brings me to my second biggest gripe, Altair. I love her concept. The reason for her infinite power shows that the showrunners have their pulse to fandom. I know people harp on her because she’s basically a Hatsune Miku rip-off (which, if you’re pissy about characters in this show being similar to existing characters and franchises BOI do I have bad news for you about the entire concept of this show), but I don’t think that is where her weaknesses stem from. 

Part of Altair’s being is that she in infinite, almost god-like in her own right. In the universe of Re:Creators this powerset makes perfect sense and plays well into the big questions the show is asking. However, the showrunners need to remember for as meta as Re:Creators is, it is still a show. Having Altair being a walking Deus Ex Machina and coming up with a new power to perfectly counter the heroes every time is dull and gives zero constraints to her. Basically, I mean there wasn’t an ending I could see our heroes beating Altair with her infinite number of reality-bending scores. That unknown is nice for some people, but for me, it just made me afraid they were going to pull out some power of friendship bullshit at the eleventh hour.

Altair’s Motivations: I think I’m in a small camp, but I LOVE Altair’s dialogue. In the beginning, she seems like a very complicated character, the kind of wickedly smart villain that happens once in a blue moon, the kind that makes you go, “Well, they aren’t wrong, but they’re going about it all wrong.” Unfortunately, this part of her characterization gets severely played down in the second half. She turns more into a one-note villain that means nothing to defeat. In addition, since we see so much less of her in the second half it makes her resolution mean less imo (I say this and someone who cried the whole time). I adore her speech at the end. I think it was a nice callback to the line she had said only an episode or so earlier:

“Clever logic is a slave to emotion.”

And that’s what I think defines Altair as a character. She is someone who has so much despair and anger, but she justifies it with logic and simplicity. And in the end, it’s also what becomes her end. The problem is, we don’t get to see the illogical and emotional side of her often enough. Clever audience members can infer it, but this pivotal part of her character isn’t given the spotlight it needed to avoid the finale feeling OOC of her to most.

Now that we’ve gotten those out of the way, I’m free to gush and rant as much as I please! First I want to address some common critiques I’ve seen on the series:

Sota: One of the most common issues people bring up is the blandness of the “main character” Sota, or rather, the audience insert. I won’t say he is not that, but for vastly different reasons than I think others would slap that “warning” on him.

Many people are quick to label Re:Creators and reverse-isekai show. Again, I won’t argue with the genre label, but I do think that out of all the genres and themes within the series, isekai is actually pretty insignificant. Re:Creators at its core is not about “what would you do if anime characters came to the REAL WORLD,” moreover it is tackling questions about the essence of creation, media and our relation to it. So how does this relate to Sota?

I think Sota is often written off as just a “self-insert” character because that is a staple of the isekai genre, the genre that I propose is not actually that prevalent, I estimate the same with Sota. Sota is passive, yes, but he also has his own story arc and despite him saying that he is only the narrator, I think the story of Re:Creators is really all about his struggle as an artist, something I think many audience members can relate to, making him their insert. It’s not because he’s Kirito and is amazing at everything, but rather his struggles mirror our own, much more so than the larger-than-life Creations. 

(Also, I don’t stand for any BS about him being a Deus Ex Machina in the final battle. He followed Re:Creators inner world logic despite it being ‘cheating’. No foul.)

The scene in episode 9 with Sota and Magane is what I showed other people to get them into the show, to show this human character break down, hear some hard truths and get back up. Also, the fact that he was able to bring you-know-who back in the final battle shows that while he feels immense guilt, he doesn’t shy away from it. He could have very easily let his own guilt make him soften his final product, but no, he wanted something real and tangible, not something to make him feel better. To me, that shows his depth as a character.

This post here also encapsulated how I feel about Sota’s character.

Exposition: Another common critique I see is about the amount of dialogue and exposition in the series. Maybe it’s just the DM and lore-junkie in me, but I’ve never minded a lot of exposition and in Re:Creators I LOVED it. Even Meteor’s long-winded explanations. I liked them because the through them the show was promoting difficult questions, the kind that would have my old existentialism professor jumping with glee. I’ve debated sending him this series for his next film class actually, but I don’t want him to know I’m anime trash. 

I think a lot of people take issue with the exposition because of its often theoretical in nature. Naturally, the audience wants some payoff for these big ideas any rarely gets any. Unfortunately, that’s how philosophy rolls, yo. But if you’re someone like me who finds joy in pondering about multiple-world theory, film tropes and subversion and meta, this show scratches an itch you didn’t know you had.

I know that shows like this that don’t give you all the answers, that are subtle in the execution often get ragged on for their supposedly “poor writing,” often are snubbed, but that doesn’t make me appreciate them any less.

Now the things that I love unabashedly:

Music: Hiroyuki Sawano. Those no other reason I fucking need. Even though Aldanoah Zero turned out to be a big dumpster fire, you bet your ass I have the whole soundtrack on my iPod. Those OSTs are some of my main background music fodder for writing. There’s nothing quite like Sawano’s music that can convey hype with such a heroic and hopeful feeling

Theme: This is a story that touches on a lot of issues, artist block, feelings of inadequacy, working together creatively and above all, the power of imagination. I love that this series shows there is no shame in the real emotional connections we have when interacting with media. I also goes out of its way to show the power and value the audience brings to creations. It is a hopeful story that I think many of us can relate to.

I saw this line in another post, but I want to repeat it here; If you are a creator, an artist, a writer, a crafter, cosplayer, anything, this show is for you. It will show you how special and how important you are, how your contributions are valued and how you should continue to create despite hardships. It is a story that needed to be told, it is an important story. 

Thank you for reading my babble. Talk ReCre to me!

[fairytail-whathesays]

So uh, I don’t know how coherent this will be (forgive me, it’s almost midnight here) but I’ll try anyway.

I’ve been rereading FT after not touching it for years (I am in the middle of the Galuna arc, btw, so anything after that is not as fresh to me) and I was struck both by how much better than the latter canon the early parts were (if only for the lessened fanservice, and the still believable situations) and by how a lot of what I hate about FT is already rearing its ugly head.

That they are. The real problems behind Fairy Tail start with Phantom Lord, and I honestly enjoy Galuna Island a lot more than other arcs.

Case in point: what is basically the first friendship-nakama-etc speech, courtesy of Makarov himself. (I am not 100% sure it is the actual first, but it is probably the first to be that overt and long.) And honestly, this, coupled with what Makarov said to Romeo way back in the Balkan/Vulcan arc, already makes me hate him.

Rebelling against authority is cool if that authority is corrupt. Saying “fuck you” against authority that really wants you to quit destroying property and punching people is not cool at all. Especially if your longtime friend is a member of that authority and catches shit for all of your wrongdoing.

And, having read your post about the reasons you hate Makarov, I noticed that - chronologically - it starts with Gajeel. So, uh, I wanted to add something about him that you had not written about yet, as far as I know? (and, I mean, I might have missed it if you had since I only discovered this blog today! Though i have been binge-reading it for some hours…)

It is often said -and shown- that Makarov believes FT mages to be his “children”, and tbh this shows the kind of father he is…

What I consider his “first offense” comes with his reaction to Romeo’s plea (that someone PLEASE look for his dad, since he took on a job he said would take 3 days and it’s been a week) : he literally brushes him off with the worst words he could have said. “No way! Your dad is a mage! We have no mage here who can’t take care of himself! Go home!”, and later on, to himself: “if he goes to help Macao, it will only hurt his pride. No one can decide what he should do, just leave him alone.”

Fuck, I never remember that until people bring it up–but now that you mention it, I remember thinking that was really shitty, too. 1) A man’s pride is not worth less than his safety and life or the damage it causes his child to see that life in danger, and 2) that just fucking stupid. “Mages can take care of themselves”? He was up in the mountains and it was below freezing. Makarov acts like mages are immortal and infallible and that not returning from a three-day mission after a week is cause for no concern.

Then of course, when Macao is rescued by Natsu & Lucy (and he was very much in need of rescuing), he is grateful, and his pride is not damaged at all, as he tells Romeo of how he managed to defeat 19 monsters by himself.

Thanks, Makarov. Now we know who to trust.

Mirajane, in her exposition mode, says he is actually quite worried - I can believe that, but his reaction is not good at all. And I can understand where he comes from - his words clearly come from some bad experience - but still: he is the guild’s master. Is “everyone here can take care of themselves, and thus nobody should help them, and they should be left alone” the right attitude to take with this kind of things? …Nope, no it isn’t, especially when he is dealing with literal children (whom we know have been part of FT and will soon be again. Since they were FT mages, I expect they, too, would have been considered capable of taking care of themselves?).

Right you are.

The best thing about this? Laxus later on fucking calls him on it, when he refuses to go looking for Natsu and Lucy and drag them back from their stolen S-ranked job: “Don’t be ridiculous… I have another job to take care of. ‘There isn’t a single mage that can’t take care of his own stuff’, right?”

(This, btw, is the exact moment this character became my favorite)

Translation: Double standard? Not on my watch.

Which makes me wonder, how many times has Makarov said that?

Still, I suppose that -as Hiro Mashima does show some self-reflection for once- he did not actually think what Makarov said to do was the best course of action. Although it does not really excuse him pretty much using it for years before Natsu stole that S-ranked quest…

Imagine if that had been the guild’s reaction when considering whether to rescue Makarov from the Alvarez Empire. “Eh, Makarov can take care of himself. He can handle it”. And Makarov, of all people, should’ve been able to. 

Anyway, going back to the whole maybe-first friendship speech (or at least the first one I noticed) : that speech was particularly appalling, at least to me, for being awful both in-canon and out of it.

Let’s start with the out of canon (uh, Doylist point of view I think?):

Yep!

It was bad writing. Pure and simple. The situation is: Kageyama, our resident Eisenwald Shikamaru-expy, has been saved by Team Natsu but has subsequently betrayed them, escaping with Lullaby. He manages to get to the regular meeting of guild masters, and attempts to play the cursed flute in front of Makarov. At that point, though, flashbacks start to happen: at first to the reasons his guild is doing it, then to things Team Natsu said to him - that what they are trying to do won’t accomplish what they truly want, some positive stuff from Gray - anyway, sorta standard stuff, but still effective. He’s sweating and hesitating - and at that point, the dreaded Speech commences: it is, tbh, a mess that boils down to “Alone, we are weak. Together, we are strong” ™ - which ends with Makarov revealing he Knew All Along, and Kage admitting his defeat.

From a purely storytelling point of view, I was - devastated, honestly. I had really gotten into that character (Shikamaru-expy and all), and was legit tearing up a bit at how Team Natsu’s words had had such an effect on him even when they weren’t even trying to Make Him Good or anything. It would have been very powerful, imo, if what had actually happened was that he simply gave up after having those flashbacks, realizing that he never really wanted to kill the guild masters and that he was just lashing out at what he believed to be an unjust world and system etc etc. You know, character development and all - all the more powerful since he never received a Friendship Speech, but simply was impacted by a few comments.

Instead…well, Friendship Speech™, which didn’t even fit into the whole thing (I mean, what has “having nakamas” got to do with what he was doing? Eisenwald’s whole problem is that they were kicked out of the League and made illegal & dark, and that they consider it to be unjust and want to get back at those who did it. That’s… that’s his guild’s issue. His nakama’s issue. The problem with him and his guild wasn’t that they were, Idk, loners without friends or whatever: it was that they were going to kill innocents and people barely connected to those who made them a dark guild, and also that they never quite examined why they were kicked out, and why they were not blameless at all, and did deserve it*), and lessened SO MUCH the impact of a villain deciding that he was on the wrong path mostly on his own, with just a bit of help and without that help being so over the top and condescending.

Way to hit the nail on the head. There is an external problem and an internal problem. The external is their perceived unjust treatment; the internal problem is their extreme reaction to it, nor merely a lack of unity or family attitude. 

Then we have the in-canon problems and- I might repeat myself, you’re warned (it’s almost 0100 uuugh). Okay, so: I can accept Makarov knowing what that flute is and what it does (since even Lucy did), and being confident enough that he could stop that kid if he truly seemed to be ready to play it (he can be fast, and he simply had to extend his arm and take it). But- that speech. Man, that speech.

He is going off an infuriatingly vague and cliched speech, basing it off- what? What does he even know about Kageyama? Does he even know about Eisenwald? Probably not, since he was simply leaving because he got worried about Team Natsu being, well, a thing. Why, then, is he lecturing this person - who, for all he knows, might belong in a guild as nakama-y as FT? (oh, wait, my bad: only the good guys are allowed to have True Nakamas ™. Bad guys get the False Nakamas, if any, who would gladly kill you for power. Always. At all times. For any reason.) He just sounds arrogant, full of himself, and very much trying to do the all-knowing wise mentor routine. With an added bonus of straight up manipulation - telling him that he should not rely on tools but on friends (insert sparkly), and thus should not use that flute (what, not because he would kill innocent people in it? Because using it would be weak? Wow, thanks Makarov, so deep). There is no way in hell this could work if Mashima hadn’t really, really wanted it to. If I was Kageyama, I’d play that flute just because of that speech. That’s how much I hated it.

So if he had followed through with Makarov’s advice, he’d have returned with allies and then slaughtered the guildmasters? Nice advice. It’s doubly stupid because Kageyama is an example of relying on friends–Erigor fell down on the job and cannot complete it, so Kageyama is picking up the slack and completing it for him. Yeah, their end goal might be murder, but the principle is the same: relying on one’s friends.

*Ok this is going to be a really weird rant, but hear me out: the plight of Dark Guilds, and mages from them. For Eisenwald, it wasn’t really explored whether or not all of them were taking up assassination requests or it was just Erigor (or idk, Erigor and a few others). There must have been at least some members of the guild who never killed anyone - and at least some who were unaware of it happening in their guild. Then the guild was ordered to disband and declared dark. …We don’t really see this in canon, but IMO mages from dark guilds probably find it at least somewhat hard to find a good guild to join. And anyway, it does mean giving up your guildmates, and the guild (which, if it happened to FT, would never be supported by the narrative). Honestly, I am not condoning the things dark guilds do - but declaring a guild dark like that is not only harsh but also actively encourages the members of that guild to do Fucked Up Shit, even if they weren’t doing it before. Couldn’t there have been some inquiries, those truly responsible be arrested and the guild, without the worst members, allowed to go on? Only arresting the guild master and declaring the guild dark and ordering it to disband is the worst course of action the council could have undertaken.

That is a weird rant. I didn’t ask this question because the feeling I got while watching the Erigor arc was that most of the members overall didn’t have a problem with murder, but perhaps I’m wrong for assuming that. But generally, I wouldn’t consider that an ill response, since once lives are taken you have to take measures. Dark guilds can be forcibly disbanded when the Magic Council hire light guilds to do so, so it would make sense that they aren’t worried about backlash. 

I… probably have more to say, and what I did say I wanted to say better, but I’m tired as heck and I’ve ranted long enough now. I hope you can glean something halfway coherent from this, and also wanted to let you know your analyses are brilliant and I love them <3 Thanks for reading all this, and please maybe let me know what you think?

I think you made a lot of good points. I’m now stewing in my hatred both for Makarov and for Mashima’s tired, exhausted narrative choices. Thanks for sending!

[calethecartographer]

The Star Wars Rule- or why Good and Evil are bland, boring and unrealistic

//I’ll forever be bitter when I read books/watch movies following the Star Wars rule. This more of a spontaneous rant, so don’t expect me to make much sense in some parts.

The Star Wars Rule is, to me, establishing a Force in a story with exposition only given from one side, the side that is supposedly “Good”. We, the audience, believe this sides explanation and perceive it as ‘True’ since it’s coming from the Good Guys. The Jedi are established as GOOD. The Sith give little to no explanation on how they work, why they work nor how their Force works but there is one thing that gets mentioned, glossed over and then- never addressed. It’s established. It’s reinforced. But NO payoff:

That the Dark Side relies on Emotions. The Jedi Order FORBIDS LOVE. FORBIDS CONNECTIONS, PASSION AND WHAT MAKES US WORK AS A THREE DIMENSIONAL PERSON. The reason why we like characters like Yoda, Anakin and Obi-Wan is because these characters have shown to step over the boundaries. It makes them seem real to us. On the other hand, Mace Windu is as boring as one can be. I’m not even sure how he is written because he is so unimportant and bland that we don’t care. Hell, why is BOBA FETT as popular as Han Solo? He has almost no screen time. But in the little screen time we get, he is better established as a character than a Jedi. The Star Wars Rule depends on us never questioning the true nature of our characters. We assume the Jedi Order is good and the Sith are bad. But when you look at the Grand Scheme; there isn’t a winner. They are both morally grey. The Reason why some Motivations and Character Arcs appear wonky is because we have no Extremes in the long run. We think we have Good and Evil but it doesn’t feel like it.

An example done right is, I dread to say this, Assassins Creed. It’s established that we, the Assassins, are the kinda good guys by keeping the Templars, kinda bad guys, from controlling humanity. We are drawn to the Assassins by witnessing the life of Ezio and have a strong connection to this specific Side of the Conflict. All our beliefs and knowledge however gets taken into a choke hold, skinned and hung into a salty gush of wind when we get to the End of the lengthy Tutorial of Assassins Creed 3, in which it’s revealed that the man we thought to be an Assassin, who uses the exact same methods and techniques, is charming and grew on us, fights for the other Side. Haytham Kenway is a Templar. And we didn’t notice the difference.

An incredibly well delivered plot twist, one that makes us question who is right and who is wrong for the rest of the game, something that is picked up in later installments of the Franchise. The Assassins are not better than the Templars. We are not the Heros. We are just like the Villains.

The only moment in the ENTIRE Star Wars Franchise that I remember that comes CLOSE to this is in Clone Wars! There is an episode in which Rex and Cody try to find a Saboteur Among the other clones. This Traitor reveals later that he is tired of seeing his brothers die in a war they have no part in, die for the Jedis who only see the Clones as things, not living, feeling beings. And this episodes HAUNTS the Season. It gets brought up over and over by Rex who starts to mistrust the Jedis except for those who are passionate about what they are doing like Ahsoka Tano. An entire Franchise. Build on a false perception and poorly tried realism.

This Rule got boring. And it made ONE thing very predictable: The Fans will always love the Bad Guys because they bring a Moral Conflict with them. The best characters have the most flaws and do awful things, learn from their conflicts but never achieve perfection. THIS is the reason there are so many “if they joined the good guys” AUs. Because we want these flawed beings to change. We want them to grow into better persons. We can’t or rarely can have this with the Heros because they are a bunch of Morally White Mary Sues.

And when we get characters who are morally grey, the Fans get angry at them for not ‘seeing clearly’. But the morally grey characters are the most clearly seeing ones. Vader, morally grey, Haythem, morally grey, Samurai Jack, morally grey. We need to get rid of this ‘be good’ or ‘be evil’ bullshit in media, at least for a bit until we can have a fresh start. Let’s get more Deadpool like movies where we wonder if the Protagonist went too far for their goal, let the Heroes snap boundaries and let them feel the consequences. Let the Villains Occasionally do something good just to show that, while being an evil politician (because that never gets old, amiright???), they still have PRINCIPLES! Maybe they are willing to kill off an entire boardroom of other Politicians but can’t bring themselves to witness a crying child. Or the other way around, the Hero can’t stand violence against minorities but gets off on punching people they perceive as evil.

Give your characters an ambiguity in their: Motivation Principle Moral Believes

And stop doing the Star Wars Rule.