#maybe she’s never been able to commit to a man because she’s a lesbian

[bejeweledfangirl]

i’m very much of the “stevie nash is a confident bisexual who just hasn’t dated a woman on the show yet” belief, but i also think her discovering her sexuality would be such a good storyline for her and absolutely could be done using her religious background as a launchpad

[stevieharringtonwifeguy]

hey, yall like t4t lesbian steddie? how about transfem eddie beefing coming out to her girlfriend Real Hard?

also on ao3 here

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Eddie has never been able to control her mouth. Honestly sometimes she wonders if she has some kind of medical condition that makes her incapable of saying normal things at the appropriate time. 

And this is a real problem when trying to figure out how to tell her girlfriend that she might kinda wanna be a girl too maybe. Because instead of sitting the love of her life down and calmly explaining that she’s been doing some thinking and might want to experiment with her gender more, Eddie just holds it all in until she projectile vomits the information at the worst possible time.

They’re snuggled in bed, hazy in post-coital bliss, Stevie burying her face in Eddie’s neck and nuzzling in with her nose like a kitten looking for milk. It’s adorable. Eddie half expects her to start making biscuits on her stomach.

And so when Stevie sighs contentedly, hums a little, “My boy,” with so much love in her voice Eddie kind of wants to cry, she’s not ready for the wave of wrongness that crashes over her, smashing the cozy, contented vibe in the room like it’s an actual tidal wave ripping the trailer to shreds.

So she does what she always does. Fucks it up.

“No I’m not,” she says, voice choked with panic.

Stevie stiffens against her. “What?” she asks.

“I’m not your boy,” Eddie says. “It’s not- I-”

Stevie draws away from her, and Eddie already misses the warmth. She keeps her eyes screwed shut, doesn’t want to see Stevie’s reaction to the information that her boyfriend is actually her girlfriend. And yeah, the logical part of her brain knows that it absolutely is not an issue. Stevie’s a lot of things (beautiful, wonderful, perfect, a teensy bit of a bitch but just enough to keep things interesting-), but she’s not a hypocrite, so the trans thing is obviously fine. And Stevie was well known for making her way through most of the female population of Hawkins High before she came out, so the girl thing is also obviously a non-issue.

But. That mean little voice in the back of Eddie’s head. The one that listened carefully to every bad thing anyone ever said about her- freak, monster, trash- and quietly stored them away just to take them out again when she’s alone at night. That voice is real loud right now. 

It tells her she’s imagining things, that she’s just looking for another way to be different. That Stevie will just think she’s trying to copy her, and worse than that, she’s copying her badly. It whispers that sure, Stevie liked her as a guy, thought she was attractive then, but she’s probably going to be so ugly as a girl that any attraction Stevie’s managed to muster for her weird lanky man-body is gonna just shrivel up and die. And she doesn’t even really like girly things, which she knows because she dressed up as Frank N Furter that one time they all went to see Rocky Horror, and the makeup had felt gross on her skin and the corset had been too tight and the heels had hurt- and if she’s not gonna commit to femininity what’s even the point of trying to tell people she’s a girl?

Eddie is so lost in her own head that it takes her a second to realise that Stevie has gotten out of bed. Eddie sits up, watching in confusion as her girlfriend flits around the room in search of her clothes. 

“Stevie?” Eddie asks, her voice small. “Wh- what are you doing?”

Stevie sighs, shakes her head a little. “What does it look like I’m doing, Eddie?” Her voice sounds watery, and she won’t look Eddie in the eyes, using her voluminous hair as a shield as she pulls up her jeans with shaking hands.

Eddie’s heart breaks. She doesn’t think she ever expected this, that Stevie would just leave, even on her darkest nights alone. “But- why?”

Stevie finally looks at her then, her face incredulous even as it’s streaked with tears. “Why? Why would I stay, Eddie, if this- what, was it just- just bullshit?” she says, getting more heated as she speaks, hands flying in that way Eddie usually loves because it means her girl is really getting riled up. Now it feels terrible to see, like the final nail in Eddie’s coffin. 

“I can’t believe- fuck- this is the second time I thought- I mean it’s gotta be me at this point, right? Like, fool me once-” Stevie cuts herself off with a sob, before scrubbing her face furiously and looking around the room. “Where the fuck is my jacket???”

“I don’t- what do you mean, second time-”

Stevie scoffs. “I mean, sure, you didn’t actually say the word ‘bullshit’ but that’s- you see how it’s the same right? Like, even if you didn’t- if you didn’t want me anymore, how could you-? You knew about Nancy, Eddie, and you still just-” She scrubs her face again and heads to the door. “You know what, fuck my jacket.”

And Eddie is not the smartest. Her three senior years can attest to this. But she can tell she’s missing something here, because what the hell does Nancy have to do with anything? So Eddie goes over the last couple of minutes, everything Stevie said, everything she said, and- oh. Fuck.

“I forgot the second part of that sentence.” 

She literally cannot believe how stupid she is. Stevie’s already out the bedroom door, and Eddie prays to every god who’s never believed in her that she hasn’t left the trailer entirely, because fuck knows if she has Eddie will probably never see her again. At least not for several months, and even then, only with Robin standing off to the side trying to kill her with her mind.

“Stevie!” She calls, running through the trailer at a speed she frankly didn’t think herself capable of. “Stevie, please wait! I didn’t mean to- I forgot the rest of the sentence!”

Stevie stops at the door of the trailer, turns around with an eyebrow raised in the kind of ‘I’m waiting, make it good’ expression she uses whenever the kids try to explain why they were acting like little shits this time. It’s ruined a bit, by the tears still streaming down her face and the tremble in her disapproving frown, but she’s trying. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry, that’s not what I was trying to say- I didn’t even realise how it sounded- I love you so much and I’m sorry I made you doubt that for even a second,” Eddie pleads, her own tears running down her face.

Something in Stevie’s posture seems to soften a little, but her hand stays on the doorknob. “What- what else would you be trying to say there, Eddie?”

“I-” Eddie can’t look at her, so she looks at her own feet. “I’m not your boy, I’m your- I don’t really know. Girl? Something? Uh. If you still want me to be.”

It’s quiet for a moment. Eddie doesn’t look away from her feet.

But then, strong, warm arms wrap around her. A hand gently pushes her head into a neck. A pair of lips press into the top of her head.

“Oh E- baby,” Stevie says, softly. “I love you so much, no matter what. Of course you can be my girl, if you want.”

Eddie nods into Stevie’s neck, holding her so tight she’d be a little worried about hurting her if she wasn’t well aware Stevie was way stronger than she’d ever be. “Yes please,” she says, voice small.

Stevie presses another kiss to the top of Eddie’s head, pulls back to hold her face gently in her hands. “Love you so much, baby. And it’s with love that I have to ask- what the hell is wrong with you.” Eddie snorts, and Stevie smiles like that’s what she was aiming for. “That was the worst coming-out I’ve ever seen. And I’m including the way I came out to Dustin.”

Eddie fully laughs then, and Stevie smiles too. That really had been awful. Dustin had found Stevie’s collection of feminine clothes and underwear and had taken it upon himself to lecture her on how weird it was to keep ‘souvenirs’, until eventually Stevie had been so mortified by the picture he was painting that she had to come out just to get him to shut up. He’d since made up for it by being her staunchest defender (Eddie and Robin notwithstanding), but the whole thing was still painful enough that whenever he was being annoying Stevie could now get him to shut up with just a particularly pointed look.

“I know, it was- I got all up in my head,” Eddie says. She places her hand over Stevie’s, gently turns her head to place an apologetic kiss on her wrist, right against her pulse point. “I really am sorry. I love you.”

“I know. Now, at least. Although I hope you realise I’m gonna be using this against you for like, the rest of our lives. Good luck trying to get me to turn off the ABBA, considering you very briefly broke my heart.”

Eddie groans, just like Stevie wanted her too, but honestly ‘the rest of our lives’ sounds pretty good to her.

[snapeingturtle]

Rating some of the Marauders era / snera™️ ships (ships involving ppl the Marauders and Severus went to school with) I've been exposed to because I'm drunk and feeling spicy. Romantic ships only, I have different opinions on the brotps. I could talk about this all night but I chose not to make a long post.

Disclaimer: this is heavily influenced by headcanons I've convinced myself are canon and generally my opinions. Not in order from best to worst because I am drunk and I'm not proofreading this.

Prongsfoot/Starbucks/James x Sirius 10/10. James is just as inobservant as Harry. Of course he didn't notice that Sirius had a crush on him. James didn't even notice he himself was into Sirius. Love it.

Jily/James x Lily 2/10. In my heart Lily is a lesbian. Jily has some potential as a comphet storyline where they're both actually gay and think of each other as the man/woman they're supposed to like. Other than that it's a no from me.

Wolfstar/Remus x Sirius 1/10. Unpopular opinion again, I know. I see Remus having a one-sided crush on Sirius before the prank, but honestly I'm a Ronks stan because I can project my insecurities on Remus and have been in love with Tonks for years and I hate the idea of them being in a relationship with anyone else but each other. Plus, I really don't see Sirius committing and definitely not to Remus. Sirius is a bachelor for life and I identity with that. Another reason to dismiss this ship.

Snily/Severus x Lily 1/10. The only reason I don't rate this at 0 is because they're one of my favourite brotps. She's gay and not his type, they're sister souls, just look at the doe patronuses, they found security in each other like does in a herd etc. and I hate it when people say there were romantic feelings involved. I could accept this with fem!Snape though.

Starchaser (wtf is this name)/Jegulus/James x Regulus 4/10. I think it's funny to have James falling in love with his best friend's brother. I don't have any negative feelings about the ship itself. HOWEVER. As someone who has been exposed to Jegulus content despite not looking for it and Snily content despite not looking for it. Jegulus feels like m/m Snily for people who hate Snape. The content (I've seen) has the same vibe and I cannot get over that.

Remus x Lily 3/10. If I were able to see Lily as not a lesbian I would love this, not as an endgame thing but more as a teen romance that ended on ok terms before they both moved on. No strong feeling about this tbh.

Snegulus/Severus x Regulus 4/10. They're definitely not in love but they're both sluts so they probably fucked and it was probably hot. That's all.

Lily x Mary MacDonald 3/10. I would consider this as another one-sided crush situation. Mary is the token straight in their dorm and that's unfortunate for Lily.

Snucius/Severus x Lucius 8/10. They're not endgame. But they fuck. I refuse to consider Sirius calling Severus Lucius's lapdog anything but calling him his sugar baby. I don't rate this higher because Snucissa is better than just the men.

Lily x Pandora Lovegood 10/10. I don't know if they ever interacted or if they even went to school at the same time but I'm in love with the idea of them together.

Severus x Mulciber 3/10. Another one-sided crush sitch. Snape was infatuated with Mulciber at a certain point, Mulciber (forgot his first name sorry) knew and took advantage of it. That's Snape's slut origin story.

Snupin / Severus x Remus 3/10. They would never date. Doesn't fit my fantasy or the reality of their relationship. But hate-fucking in one of their offices while Remus is employed at Hogwarts? I see that. I dig it.

I also headcanon Dorcas as queer but I don't see her with Lily but I don't have any feelings about that ship in either direction so 3,5/10 maybe?

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

For Want of a Nail: Send me a minor detail to be changed (i.e., Character A chooses blue instead of red, Characters B and C swap places in one scene) and I’ll tell you how [that fic] would be different

Yorick decides to tell Alicent about his crush on her when they're kids

Well, first and foremost, it would change things by forcing me to write the most awkward encounter known to man. Local 11-year-old boy tells his crush he likes her, only to learn lesbians exist. Granted, Alicent wouldn't be explicitly saying she likes girls, it'd be real repressed & weird & awkward because I can imagine she'd want to return Yorick's feelings...she just knows she can't.

I don't think a whole lot would change from the gentle letdown onward through the events of the first couple episodes, other than putting some tension & strain on their relationship a little earlier, because within SOTF canon there already is a little bit of that, it's all from Viserys though & Yorick being seen as a convenient "what if" safe option. If Yorick tells Alicent about his crush when they're kids, the awkward tension would just be the "you came clean with it, but me not being able to reciprocate made things kinda weird & we can't go back." However, I do think that it would have eliminated the Vizzy baggage? At least a little bit. Like Yorick being Alicent's first "a guy is blatantly into me" is a way better way to process that, & once she's sent to Vizzy by her dad, I think she'd process that way quicker & would go to him for help while he & Ella are in King's Landing for the dragon egg incident from episode 2.

Now, I'm not saying they'd have a Romeo & Juliet type early teen elopement, because Yorick would already be betrothed at that point & he's not the type to dishonor that commitment, but that's still Alicent going to someone. Would he be able to do a lot? Probably not, he's still just a 13/14-year-old boy, but he's still a safe person for Alicent to confide in: because here's someone who expressed interest in her but took no for an answer, who already has to deal with Viserys & dislikes him, who has only ever been her friend, who goes out of his way to help the people he loves. That would clear the air from his confession really quickly, even though I don't think Yorick would be able to save her. Because at that point what can realistically be done? It would jumpstart things though, & have some stuff happening faster, I'm sure.

So Alicent still gets married to Vizzy, Yorick still goes to squire for his dad in The Stepstones, everything still mostly happens as-is, but Alicent has already asked for help & Yorick has already said he'll do whatever he needs to for her. She spent the 4 years he was away processing, getting okay with the concept of Yorick & what he represents because they crossed some bridges already. Given that, & she's already seen Ella around her kids & knows that the Roycegaryens are safe & on her side (even if not in a "we're factioned tf up" type way super early on), I think that would probably see the Targtower kids exposed to their cousins a lot quicker & would maybe even have one of them being fostered at Runestone. Because Daeron is being fostered at Old Town, it isn't out of the realm of possibility for a kid from the royal family to be fostered somewhere, especially if it's with family. Now, who is being fostered in this hypothetical scenario? I don't know, but whoever it is, is going to be way more well-adjusted by not being around The Red Keep & all of that.

I don't know if the fostering one of the Targtowers things would see the Roycegaryens fully coming to Alicent's side in a factiony, ride-or-die peace was never an option way faster, or if would see some sort of reconciliation between Rhaenyra & at least that sibling given how she is fighting tooth-and-nail to keep her cousins for a while. That would require a lot more thought experimenting than I would want to do since this isn't the road I've gone down. It's definitely a super interesting thing to think about though, & I'm glad you asked about it because, truthfully, I hadn't thought about it before now.

[the-rainbow-lesbian]

Black and white thinking and difficultly dealing with uncertainty can be an autistic trait and is considered a common one. Thinking in black and white was on my diagnosis and I do agree I’m usually very emotionally committed to one side or the other in order to lessen the stress of uncertainty, and it has been difficult for me to try and view things in less extremes, though I try (this thinking pattern still manifests often though). To lessen the stress of uncertainty and unpredictably by having a script, a set of beliefs that neatly fit into the box of for example what the majority consider “progressive” either in lgbtqectect circles or in liberal circular or whatever, I think, is why my brain does that, not because I’m not able to see nuance in things. With certain issues, I can just see that I’ve had a habit of extremely black and white thinking, I’ve fallen into this thinking pattern with radical feminism too.

Autism manifests differently in different people despite the overlap in certain traits, yet I have never heard of an autistic person who actually had difficulty with black and white thinking and thrived in the grey area. Still, if this is the case, I see no reason why you’d apply this grey thinking to homosexuality (and heterosexuality) unless you simply believe there can be exceptions to these things (and thinking there can be exceptions to homosexuality is homophobic. “You just haven’t found the right man yet” style), and that those exceptions, for some reason, don’t just indicate bisexuality.

If you were an autistic person who had consumed a lot of TRA rhetoric and gender ideology, I can see how the black and white thinking pattern might convince you that all of these things that side are saying are true as you believe that you have to agree with everything and that nothing should be uncertain or grey or opposed to the ideology, especially if you have never been in these communities irl and just picked what seemed like the popular side or the side considered progressive by the majority online. However, if you have started to read about and listen to the opposing side (to the point where you call yourself a radfem), then I think using something that isn’t even considered an autistic trait (grey “nuanced” thinking) is just you trying to justify, to others and maybe yourself, a homophobic belief you still hold. I think even many people who don’t consider themselves radfems but just critical of trans ideology agree that a woman is not a lesbian if she’s with a trans identified male. It’s just the usual TRA homophobia to say otherwise, even if you no longer consider yourself part of that ideology and you are calling yourself something else (like gender critical or radfem), that’s what it is, and I don’t understand what autism has to do with it, especially because you are citing a thinking style that is not typically associated with autism at all (grey thinking). In fact, the opposite thinking style is what is typically associated with autism (black and white thinking).

I mean each autistic person is different but it’s just objectively wrong to say grey thinking is an autistic trait. for me personally my black and white thinking is specially strong when it’s internal thought patterns, my therapist has been working with me for years to stop being so negative about myself and it’s still a work in progress even after 8 years of work. I didn’t know macro personally but if I was friends with her I’d feel very betrayed, although radblr has been a lesbophobic space the reason why I was introduced to it in the first place is because radfems unanimously agreed that lesbians aren’t attracted to men TIMs or not.

[impervicus]

 if you’re hearing THE MAN WHO SOLD THE WORLD (COVER) by NIRVANA  playing, you have to know PHOEBE RYAN (SHE/HER; CISFEMALE) is near by! the FOURTY FIVE year old CEO has been in denver for, like, FOURTY FIVE YEARS. they’re known to be quite RUTHLESS, but being DRIVEN seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble KATHRYN HAHN. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those BUSINESS CASUAL, THE DREADING FEELING OF HEARING HEELS CLICKING ON THE GROUND, IMPORTANT DOCUMENTS BEING PUT IN A SHREDDER TO COVER YOUR TRACKS vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the CHERRY CREEK DISTRICT long enough!

THE BASICS:

full name: phoebe elizabeth ryan

birthdate, zodiac sign: november 3rd / scorpio

sexuality: lesbian

occupation: ceo of advantage law firm 

through the looking glass

the ryan family helped build the city of denver, at least that’s what the ryan family dynasty wants everyone to believe. in truth, no one really knows when the ryan family came to town, but just that they have been there for quite some time. there were always two schools of opinion when it came to the family, they admired them for what they do for the city or they despise them for how full of themselves they are. as the years go by, the public opinion of the ryan family swayed towards the latter. 

as the oldest child of william ryan iii, a lot was put onto phoebe’s plate from the beginning. especially since she was the first born female in the family after a long streak of only males in the family. her grandfather told her father that there was no way a woman could keep up the family legacy like a male could, and to have him wait for his younger sons to get a little bit older before preparing his children for the next step of the legacy. but her father didn’t listen, instead he put all of his efforts into making her the perfect person to hand the legacy down to. sure, her brothers also got their fair share of preparation but as the eldest child, she was the one expected to do the most. 

and with that expectation, phoebe excelled in almost every single thing that she did. she was a perfectionist, if she wasn’t the best at it, then what was the point of doing it at all? she graduated top of her class, in both high school and college and took the next natural step of taking on her father’s law firm. 

most would say that phoebe had everything in life handed to her, which was true to a certain extent. but no one truly understood that the ryan family would not let someone take over who wasn’t ready, or wasn’t worthy. by the time she got out of college, phoebe was ready to take on the law firm. and along the way, she definitely stepped on a few toes and ruffled a lot of feathers. the people impacted by this included but was not limited to: friends, coworkers and even family. even her own father didn’t agree with the decisions she made half of the time. but that was fine, phoebe never worried about anyone liking her, she just wanted to succeed. the ryans didn’t need appreciation as long as they had success. 

as she climbed her way up to the top, phoebe never gave herself much time for a personal life. kids were out of the picture, she knew she wanted to be kidless even when she was in high school. she claimed it was because she was focused on her career and not a family, but deep down it was because she didn’t want to force a child into the ryan family ideals. she was able to make it to the other side, but there were a lot of rough days through her forty five years of life. aside from her years and years of hookups, phoebe has never had a real relationship. casual ones for sure, but nothing concrete. no one she would have ever called her girlfriend, or taken to family christmas. 

though, a part of her was missing something, she wasn’t quite sure what it was. not until someone brought up the idea of having a sugar baby, someone to keep around without the real commitment. and phoebe was pretty lonely, not that she would dare say that out loud. and she figured, the least she could do was use her money to have something on the side. what was so wrong with that? 

maybe she had some other things wrong, like misappropriating company funds or some general shady business deals. but phoebe would never admit to something like that. instead, she would choose to show the good sides of the ryan family. alls fair in business right? at least, that’s what phoebe’s motto was. 

possible connections: 

people she mentors, maybe through like a college program 

close friends 

people who work at the law firm 

there will be a sugar baby wc that i’ll send in soon too hehe 

[dolphs-world]

Too much faith in above

Friends is a generic but decent show. And it is probably the best generic show. I have only watched a handful of episodes from the first 2 seasons but if I remember correctly there are only a handful of plotlines, we were on a break, Joey and Rachel, Ross and Emily, basically just how drawn out Ross and Rachel's stuff was, that are bad. Hell, I caught some season 10 episodes on reruns and I was actually belly laughing! And I've seen this show like 20 times thanks to my sister. It's consistent and that's the draw. So I've heard people criticise Jerry Seinfeld's acting in Seinfeld but it's never bothered me. Everyone is much better, I can admit, but he gets the job done. In Friends, everyone feels like they are just playing themselves. Which brings up a thought my mother and I had, what makes a good actor? Tom Cruise is very good at playing one type of character, he feels authentic and genuine. But contrast this with Edward Norton, a guy who every role of his feels different. Even if Tom Cruise is better at one role than Norton is at all, Norton is still the better actor. Even with this in mind, the actors in Friends suck. Anytime a guest is on the show I am floored by how much better at acting and more convincing they are as character's with significantly less screen time. You wanna know what the best scene is in all of Friends? When Robin Williams and Billy Crystal appear for a cold opening! They're semi-competent but it just surprises me that Jennifer Aniston famous from that. She's the worst one! And honestly I'm surprised, I know Lisa Kudrow is a good actor. She's definitely a league above the rest but she too defaults to the same mannerisms. Except for David Schwimmer, he is a great actor. I know Ross gets worse in his beliefs as the show goes on and turns into a bit of a butt monkey but he is the best actor. Maybe he should have been Jerry in Seinfeld? Now watching a show from 30 years ago, where $1 then = $2 now, about a bunch of people who seldom work, it's dated to say the least. Again, honestly Ross, at this point, is probably the best when it comes to this. He's proud that Joey is able to take financial gambles when he cannot and gives away his ex-wife to her new one. But there's no consequences. Like anytime they lose a job there's always a back up. And when the back-up sucks it doesn't make sense that they don't help each other out. There's an episode where half of them are mad that the other half don't realise that they make less money and when the richer ones help out they deem it charity. You're not Walter White, swallow your pride! Do you know how lucky you are? (sidenote: Susan, the woman who "stole" Carol from Ross is the one who offers money to Walter White in Breaking Bad). I think an ultra left class critical analysis of these old shows is a bit of a waste but it's really hard not too. I think this aspect of the show is worse than any of transphobia. They're always talking about sex but money? No no no, that might be to real. No, let's focus on how women like commitment and men don't. Yay! That's another thing the show does, it really props up the whole women are from venus and men are from mars. Again, it's hard not to be critical when analysing how this may have shaped norms at the time. But I think the gay jokes are still funny, mainly due to the ignorance of the characters. And again, they had a Lesbian couple as supporting characters. Joey is very comfortable in his sexuality and it may be because he is Italian but it is still great to see! Also Rachel to the man who she thinks is Chandler's dad, a drag queen. "What's your name?" "Amanda" "Oh! I Get it! A-man-duh!" But the worst part of the show is how repetitive it is. I always thought Chandler was the funny one but it's really Joey, Phoebe, and Ross. He's on Family Guy levels of one-liners. If there's any take away from this post is do not binge watch TV! Appreciate it before it's gone forever!!!

[tinyvampire]

how the ghosts would react to you coming out as trans

(bc i have bbc ghosts brain rot & i’m up late with good ol trans anxiety) enjoy!!

thomas

he would support the hell out of you, but would definitely be the kind of cis person to make a big dramatic show of it every time he accidentally misgendered or deadnamed you. listen - i love this man, but he is a drama queen. after telling him you’re trans, he would probably make it about him in some way - like maybe he once knew someone who was queer, or he always wanted to write a poem about one of those greek myths that involve trans people but he was too scared to, and etc etc etc. so yeah, he’s a bit of an attention whore, but he would go full ‘damn your eyes’ on anybody who was malicious towards you for your transness, 100%.

julian

with a crass, in poor taste joke, confusion, and then acceptance. basically how julian responds to any semi serious situation. he’d make some awful joke, maybe about cross-dressing, and then after learning more about what being trans actually means he’d come around. i don’t think he’d apologize (does he ever, like fr lol) (love him but 🤨), but he would probably say it makes sense that you’re a man/woman/nb, because of x y z behavior (which is stereotyping, but like at least he has the general idea & he’s trying) and then he’d make a conscious effort to never use your old name again.

fanny

similarly to the way she reacted when the lesbian couple was married at button house. she’d be aghast & outraged for like five minutes, ranting around the house about how true gentlemen/ladies don’t exist anymore in this modern age and etc etc but by the next day or so, she’d sheepishly apologize and ask you some questions about it. from then on she’d be quietly supportive in her own way, like automatically correcting when someone misgenders you & then never bringing up the incident; even when you thank her she’d be like ‘what on earth are you talking about, (chosen name)!’

pat

exactly how any ultra-supportive dad would react. pat would make it his personal mission to affirm your identity & make you feel comfortable and safe regarding your transness. he would also definitely throw you a surprise party in celebration of your coming out, complete with ‘it’s a boy/girl/baby (if you’re nb)’ banners courtesy of alison. he would be so touched that you trusted him with this information & more proud of you than he could ever say in words. (he’d also excitedly tell you facts about 80s queer icons that you already knew, but you’d pretend not to just to humor him.) (‘wow, freddie mercury was bi?! 😮’)

robin

honestly the best to come out to imo. robin’s been around a long time; this has made him incredibly kind & understanding. humanity’s stereotypes & societal pressures are born & die just as fast as people do, and he’d tell you as much (in his own robin way). humanity’s prejudices are much the same & robin has no time for that bullshit. he’d always be there if you needed a shoulder to cry on, and would passionately defend you and your identity should the occasion arise, no matter what.

the captain

instantly eager to assist you in any way possible. “it was very sharp of you to come to me with this. there’s so much to be done. we must change all of your legal documents at once, not to mention the wardrobe issue. hmm..patrick! assemble the troops!” he’d take charge immediately as though the only reason you came out to him was because you couldn’t handle transitioning by yourself & needed someone to be in charge. he accepts you right away too, though, so it’s no bother to you that he’s being his usual bossy, captain-y self. also he’d respond as though an actual crime had been committed if anyone gave you shit for being trans.

kitty

the definition of ‘little confused but got the spirit’. she’d probably think you mean you want to play dress up with her, and she’d be so excited she wouldn’t be able to focus on any explanations being offered by the other ghosts or alison. (& i know the ghosts couldn’t even play dress up if they wanted to, but do you think this fact would stop kitty from trying??? absolutely not) eventually, though, pat would gently explain it to her & she would support you whole-heartedly. (she’d still be totally confused though, bless her)

mary

literally would have no fucking clue what you’re talking about. “what be a transgender?!?” it would take the better part of a day to explain it all to her, but i do think she’d eventually understand, at least better than kitty. she’d probably be worried you’d be burned for it at first, and might even discourage your transition goals because of it, but once you reassured her that times have changed, she’d be happy to support you.

humphrey

i’m headcanoning this headless man as a trans man & no one can stop me. honestly, now that i think about it, humphrey gives off some serious t-boy swag vibes. i feel like you’d tell him you’re trans & he’d be like “ah so that’s what they’re callin it now” & boom, y’all are best friends. i can hear you in the replies now, ‘but they didn’t have access to hrt back then - !’ well pffpffpff, i don’t care. humphrey is trans now. you’re welcome.

[mohluskiepedard]

Rating ATLA Characters literally only from what I’ve seen in fandom

or: posts that probably shouldn’t be on my writeblr except I don’t have a sideblog

the context here is it’s half midnight and I have never seen ATLA except I have opinions now apparently so here we go whoop de do- 

I’m also not actually rating them like numerically that’s too much work i’m just stating opinions I know I’m a fraud

AANG

- A child?  - A son?  - he is Baby. but also. he has had It Rough  - would make the updog joke - has unspeakable power or smth and everyone says he’s better than the Korra girl who comes after him but honestly tastes like sexism to me - doesn’t kill people because he’s like twelve, right? he’s like twelve so he refuses to kill people - I stan honestly - less twelve year olds should kill people - Some people say his name WRONG and they are BAD but i don’t actually know what the right way or the wrong way is so. have fun w that yall - lived in peace unTIL THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED 

KATARA

- She is also like twelve???  - Is everyone here twelve - Cortana?? Katana?? Catbug??  - She has good hair, - Her mother is dead??? her mother is dead n she has a brother but she cares about her mother being dead WAY more than him (or apparently the entire fandom??) - Badass - She seems soft. good. sweet - she’s a water breather or whatever??? her brother is NOT but he is a meme - I love her 

SOKKA

- NGL looks like a fuckboy  - The meme brother! does not do the water things, but he has an aXe???  - dates BAMF lady - ngl until I talked to my ATLA watching friend I thought he canonically dated Zuko  - kinda mad he doesn’t - I haven’t actually seen anything about him except like. in zuko ship posts and also Suki appreciation posts - joined the white lotus not-a-cult by accident???  - dark ATLA tumblr show me more Sokka posts - is his name prounounced the same way as Soccer or isn’t it I need to know - HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND TURNED INTO THE MOON - (AND THAT’S ROUGH, BUDDY) - He and Suki are a good ship, but also, Sokka Has Two Hands

SUKI

- the BAMF herself - she says STOP in that photo but also to sexism - Rlly all I see of her in fanon is abt her teaching Sokka to drink his respect women juice and I appreciate her doing that but also it’s sad she never gets talked about outside of what she did for a man - I hope she has other badass moments w/o him it would suck if she didn’t - she is NOT the girlfriend who turned into the moon, she is the one who didn’t - I don’t know much else about her ATLA Fandom y’all should appreciate her more

ZUKO

- Look at him... my son... - He has a good redemption arc - he and his sister are evil lesbian and redeemed gay guy??? - has a straight canon ship but should’ve been with Sokka this boy is gay - I Want To Protect Him - That’s literally it - he has a cool uncle and his dad sucks  - people ship him with Katara and I Do Not Get It that’s his sister in law except not really - “We don’t trust Zuko’s change of heart” [the next day] “so Zuko is my closest friend now,”  - His dad was like “fuck up the avatar to prove your worth to me” and Aang was like “counter argument you already have worth and we should fuck up your dad” and I think that’s beautiful - he becomes the fire man and he’s very good at it - Zuko for President 2020 - in the words of myself, half an hour ago: “ I was like "that kid with the burn on his face seems like a sad but then happy mlm who needs found family" and I was RIGHT” - took too long to find a happy picture of him :( Zuko rights NOW please - His mother’s story got compared to an OC of mine and all I can say is oh no and they deserve better based on that alone - I have had Zuko for five minutes but if anything else happens to him I will kill everyone in this throne room and then myself

TOPH

- She is badass but like also will murder you while laughing maniacally? - for some reason reminds me of Nott from Critical Role, another show I Have Not Seen - Is blind but gets more out of making jokes abt being blind than she would from being able to see - “Sight is just a cheap tactic to make weak benders stronger!!!” - Literally the opposite of Aang and has killed many people?? - She Can Tell When You’re Lying. But I do not know how and Am simply mildly threatened by this - Therapist: Toph’s ability to know if you’re lying isn’t real and can’t hurt you. Toph’s ability to know if I’m lying:  - She and Zuko.... buddies???  - if not they should be - tiny sad boy needs friends like toph

AZULA

- Evil Lesbian Culture - [BDG Voice] You committed a war crime! Oopsie! - took be gay do crime too literally - her and Zuko have accurate sibling writin except instead of “you ever want to murder your sibling for breathing in the same space as you,” being a Joke Azula took it seriously - okay but with a name like azula she should be the blue bender this ANNOYS me she should NOT be red bender - AZULa  - AZUL - IT MEANS BLUE - She was half of y’alls gay awakenings and it SHOWS - Should have maybe been redeemed too??? Jury is out no one knows - Was she gay for Ty Lee or wasn’t she I can’t tell how much of that Audio is a joke - IS SHE ALSO TWELVE??? IS EVERYONE HERE TWELVE?? IS THIS TWELVE YEAR OLD COMITTING ATROCITIES? 

UNCLE IROH

- A Good Man - Finally, Some Good Fucking [Adult Figures]  - he has the tea. literally and figuratively - Ozai is like “and I will permanently disfigure my son and throw him out” and Iroh is like “What The Fuck, Ozai,” thus voicing the entire audience’s thoughts - Literally the only adult in this that I trust - I? I love him. this is all I have to say. my love for him is unending. Some1 protect this man from all harm   - he’s Zuko’s uncle (and also Azula ig) but he does not seem related to Ozai. is it just a theme in this family that one sibling is chill and one sibling commits horrendous atrocities against your fellow human beings or  - something happened to his son???? :((((( I Don’t Want Him To Have Suffered Like This

OZAI

- A BAD MAN - Uh Oh (stinky)  - THE WORST OF THE MEN  - I do not like him - Bastard man. nasty. committed war crimes and then went “but what if - get this - i also abused my son,”  - I would like him to Not Be Like This - by Like This I mean present and alive  - :/ 

TY LEE

- She’s NOT the There Is No War In Ba Sing Se lady and I don’t know why i thought she WAS but until I looked up her photo I thought that was her  - She looks like a sweetheart tho - I hope nothing bad happens to her????  - talks about auras??? or smth??? let her vibe - She would talk animatedly to me about warrior cats if she was in my year seven class and I was sat alone and I would understand none of it but appreciate her anyway - if azula bullies her I’ll be :( at Azula and Azula will not care because she has Mommy Issues and therefore is slightly unhinged - She seems like that one kid with no trauma vibing at the edge of [every other kid having trauma] and not really getting it but trying her best - Is she also twelve?????? She maybe looks twelve

CABBAGE MAN 

- HIS CABBAGES - fulfills my favourite trope: ordinary person repeatedly has life disrupted by the inconveniences of relying on actual children to save the world - probably has a campaign post canon for letting trained adults fix the worlds’ problems in the future - or sets up the Very First Cabbage Insurance Company - look at him. he loves his cabbages so much. you go you funky lil cabbage man

ALSO THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES MOMO

- LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO GOOD - small. fluffy. big ears - Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty: his Momoness - a Good Boy...

APPA

- he looks so soft... - he can fly but he just does it by??? vibing through the air?? motionless??? iconic - I saw that one post about mishearing it as Abba and thinking he was Aang’s dad and he looks like he would be a good stand in dad ngl - he’s so LORGE - a chonky boy - love him

that is everyone I have heard of it and if I left someone out it’s a sign that y’all should talk about em more bc I have no clue they exist put more ATLA On my Dash ig I’ll do Legend of Korra ig maybe apparently that one has canon wlw and i love me some canon wlw

[novakomi]

notes of a closeted lesbian

this was a journal entry i wrote while trying to figure out my very confusing sexuality. figure i’d share in case anyone relates.

-- I cannot see myself having a happy life if I were with a man in the future. I cannot see myself being married to a man.

-- I do not want to cook or clean for a man or be in any sort of traditionally feminine role / housewife role with a man. I could see myself being comfortable cooking or cleaning for a woman though.

-- I do NOT want children with a man ever, but I could see myself maybe having children with a woman in the future (if they wanted kids).

-- I have had feelings for men in the past that I have confused for attraction when in reality it was admiration or something of the sort.

-- I have chosen men to have a crush on before.

-- I have decided to have crushes on men only after a female friend expresses that the man is attractive.

-- I have been jealous of my female friend’s boyfriends.

-- I’ve especially liked gnc or feminine-looking men.

-- I’ve usually only been attracted to men that are unattainable.

-- I have become uncomfortable when men I like reciprocate feelings.

-- I want men to like me more than I like them.

-- I want to appear attractive to men.

-- I want men that I don’t like to have crushes on me.

-- I felt very anxious the first time I was dating a man.

-- I like the idea of m/f relationships, but only when at least one party is queer and I am not apart of the relationship.

-- I think I’m afraid of commitment because it never quite feels right no matter how great the guy is.

-- I try to escalate things fast so that a relationship “feels real”.

-- I don’t know if I’m attracted to my boyfriend or if I liked that he liked me.

-- I don’t know if I mean it when I say “I love you” to my boyfriend.

-- I don’t think I’m sexually attracted to men.

-- I get uncomfortable when my boyfriend talks to other people about how physically attractive I am.

-- I have thought before that I was broken and unable to love.

-- I have initiated sexual activities because I like to be wanted more than because I’m attracted to my boyfriend.

-- I mainly focus on my boyfriend’s pleasure during sexual activities. I don’t think much about my own pleasure because I don’t think he’s able to bring me the pleasure I want.

-- I spend a lot of the time during sexual activities making sure I look or sound hot whether it feels good or not.

-- I do a lot of sexual activities because I feel like I should.

-- I have never had any fantasies about specific men. I have rarely had fantasies about men generally. The few times I have had fantasies involving men they are always faceless men.

-- Sexual activities with men generally seem boring to me. I cannot see myself getting any real pleasure out of it.

-- I would need to make a real concentrated effort to fantasize about my boyfriend.

-- I had a huge crush on my female best friend in elementary school.

-- I don’t want men or straight people to see me as a woman, but I’m more okay with other women seeing me as female.

-- I am attracted to women romantically.

-- I can see myself being happy with a woman.

-- I’m afraid to call myself a lesbian because I don’t want to break my boyfriend’s heart and I want to stay friends with him.

-- I’m also afraid my mom will be mad at me. She likes my boyfriend a lot.

-- I’m afraid I’ll lose friends if I break up with my boyfriend.

-- I’m afraid people won’t talk to me anymore.

-- I’m afraid our teachers won’t like me as much.

-- I’m afraid the kids I lead won’t like me as much.

-- I’m afraid our classes together and our friend groups will become awkward.

-- I want to be friends with him.

-- I do think I care deeply about him, but I don’t know if it’s romantic.

-- I don’t think I’m sexually attracted to my boyfriend.

-- Some of my boyfriend’s behaviors make me uncomfortable and I know they’re probably red flags.

-- I’m afraid. I’m afraid of so much.

-- I need time to think things through. I don’t want things to change. But I’m not happy with how they are.

-- I think the easiest thing would be to last out until graduation. Then I don’t need to see him anymore. I can say I’m breaking up with him for college. Then I’ll come out months later. It’s the safest plan.

[ssa-sapphic-inactive]

-ˋˏ Slow Dancing ˎˊ-

pairing: Emily Prentiss/Fem!Reader

summary: (Based on the song “Slow Dancing in the Dark” by Joji) Emily and Y/N have been dating for almost a year now, and yet, Emily still doesn’t want to go public with their relationship. She says she just wants to be friends with benefits, but Y/N knows there’s more to it, and she’s tired of trying to fight for a relationship that only seems one-sided.

warnings: f-word x1, sexual implications

type: slight angst with happy ending?

“I don’t want a friend

I want my life in two”

That’s what you always told yourself. It was no secret that you were getting older, as was everyone else on the team, so for the past couple of years you’ve definitely been trying to find the right person to settle down with. Not someone who would just hit it and quit it, or date you for awhile but never fully committ. No, you wanted someone who was going to be invested in the relationship just as much as you were. Someone who you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with and who would double as your lover and best friend. That one person who you could share your life with, causing it to become two.

“Waiting to get there

Waiting for you

(I’m done fighting all night)”

When you first joined the team and met Emily, you knew that she was the one for you. You felt it. Every time she was near you, the beating of your heart would increase and the butterflies in your stomach would soar in delight. She made you feel things no one else ever could, and it wasn’t just sexually. She was there for you as a support mentally, whenever your depression or anxiety would get the better of you. She was there to comfort you emotionally when the turmoil after a hard case was too much to bear. She was there for you physically, when you just wanted someone to hold you in their arms or when you were feeling lonely. And you did all of those things for her too. You and Emily were each other’s person, and there was absolutely no denying it.

However, the problem was that Emily never wanted to take that next step into your relationship. You would go on several dates, and get to know each other better, before you made it to the intimacy step. There, you shared your first kiss together which led to hundreds of others over the past few months as well as other forms of close intimacy. But no matter how close you two got, Emily just didn’t want to become official and go public, and you had no idea why.

“The team doesn’t know I’m a lesbian.” She’d say.

Or, “I’m just not ready yet.” Was the go-to excuse.

Of course you didn’t want to rush her, so you had agreed to take it slow in the beginning, for the sake of making Emily feel comfortable in knowing that her thoughts and feelings were valid. No matter what, you loved her, and so you didn’t mind waiting for her to get to the point where she would be ready to come out. But it seemed like she had forgotten that you were a profiler as well, because you knew her all too well to tell when she was lying and you were always a silent observer. However, you decided not to push her until she was ready. For what, you honestly didn’t know anymore.

But what really hurt you was when she suggested that you both should just remain “friends with benefits” instead of girlfriends. Needless to say, that statement definitely led to a much heated fight, where you both had the opportunity to get everything off of your chests. You were at your breaking point. You were tired of her not being honest and keeping things from you.

At the end of the night, it was certainly clear to you that it wasn’t exactly a “fear of coming out” that made Emily so hesitant to start a relationship. But what was it then? You didn’t know. Why wouldn’t she just tell you? It was eating you up inside. Did she not care about you like you did her? Was she into somebody else?

“When I’m around slow dancing in the dark

Don’t follow me, you’ll end up in my arms

You done made up your mind.

I don’t need no more signs.”

After your big fight, you both decided to take a break from whatever it was that you two were, since according to Emily, you apparently weren’t in a relationship. So, you played nice in front of the team, which wasn’t super hard because you and Em were friends before lovers. But there were days that left you so confused as to what exactly her feelings were for you now.

You had all these signs that told you she wanted nothing more than to remain friends, but meanwhile, an hour never went by without you catching her staring at you! Plus, the jealousy was always there when Derek or an unsub would flirt with you. The raven-haired beauty would constantly boil in hidden rage, causing her milky skin to burn as red as the famous tank top that clinged so well to her curves. There would even be certain days where the team would get back to the hotel, and Emily would always ensure that the both of you were roommates every single time. She wanted nothing more than to prove that you were hers and only hers.

But you weren’t hers....right? Isn’t that what she implied with the whole “friends with benefits” thing?

So, with that thought in mind, you’d never allow her the opportunity to “claim” you. After all, you weren’t necessarily hers. Besides, you weren’t totally keen on the idea of giving her the privilege to be intimate with you, when you wanted more than just sex. But the thing was, you knew you were weak and that you couldn’t resist her. So you begged her not to “follow you into the dark” or flirt with you, because you knew that you’d take her back in your arms in an instant or vice versa, and that’s NOT what you wanted. She made up her mind in not wanting to have a relationship, and you had enough of the signs proving it. If she wasn’t able to commit, or invest more in the “relationship”, then you were going to sever all intimacy completely. You wanted all of her or nothing and you didn’t want to be toyed with.

But the last straw was when you overheard Emily telling JJ about someone she was “seeing” and asking the blonde for advice. It definitely made your heart sink, and you were quick to assume that she was interested in someone else. I mean, it would explain a lot. But why would she continue to pull you along when she was already becoming tied to someone new...?

“Give me reasons we should be complete

You should be with him, I can’t compete

You looked at me like I was someone else, oh well”

Because of the fact that Emily had shown no signs of wanting to take it farther with you, you had every right to assume she was interested in someone else. Especially when lately, she’d been avoiding you during the day, and instead, spending more time with Hotch in his office during breaks. She could barely even look at you anymore and it made you slowly fall apart at the seams. There was no more reason for you two to be together at this point. I mean, how could you compete with him? The boss man? Yeah, right. Maybe she should be with him.

“Can’t you see?

I don’t wanna slow dance

In the dark”

You had finally made up your mind, if Emily wasn’t interested in something more, than it wasn’t even worth the fight. And just like you made sure her feelings were valid, she needed to realize that yours were too! So, one day when the office work was slow, you walked over to her desk that afternoon and asked to speak with her privately. No, you practically demanded it. Enough was enough! She nodded and gave you a smile, which threw you off guard, but you led her to a private office anyways, where the door shut behind you.

“Em, I’m sorry to be blunt, but I can’t do this anymore.” You cut right to the chase, leaving her a bit confused.

“Do what exactly?” She asked you, trying to come closer.

“This!” You gestured between the two of you. “I can’t keep pinning after you when you clearly don’t feel as serious about me, as I do you. I don’t want to be sprung along or be your hidden secret anymore!”

“Y/N, I told you I wasn’t out to the team yet—“

“I know that, Emily! That’s been your excuse for months now, and I believed it! Seriously, you had me fooled for awhile. But why was Penlelope trying to set you up with the new female intern yesterday, if she didn’t know you were gay? Huh? And how comes every time we get a case involving victims of the lgbt+ community, everyone always immediately looks at you and I like it only hits close to home with us? Which it actually does...but that’s not the point! I’m tired of your lies, I’m tired of your secrets, and I—”

Emily quickly cut you off from ranting further as she smashed her soft lips against yours, igniting a small flame in both of your stomachs. It’s was so endearing, that you had to grab onto her hips in order to remain steady. After a few seconds, she slowly pulled away from you, causing a small whimper to escape your lips at the loss of contact.

“Baby,” She cooed, smiling down at you as she tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “You didn’t let me finish.” You looked at her with confusion written all over your face, and she just smiled wider before pecking your forehead. “I know, that I told you I wasn’t out, but that was a lie.” She admitted, remorsefully. “I’m sorry for telling you that in the first place. I guess I was just...scared?”

“Scared of what?” You asked concerningly, completely disregarding the fact that she lied. “Commitment? Me?”

“Of the world.” She clarified, with an exasperated sigh. “I know what it can do to girls who only see the beauty in it, and the evilness that we see each day scares me because I don’t want to lose you Y/N! I can’t. I-...I love you too much.”

At those three words, you swore your heart stopped. You met her bright doe eyes, and noticed the tears that were starting to form in them. She was scared now, and you could feel it. She shook in your hold, so you took her in your arms and squeezed her tightly, silently telling her that you weren’t going anywhere and everything was going to be alright.

“I love you too, Em.” You finally whispered into the darkness of the empty office. “I never was one to believe in fate and soulmates, but I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you my first day working here.” You admitted, chuckling slightly at yourself. “You mean everything to me, and I’m so fucking in love with you that it hurt to think you didn’t feel the same.”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N. I wanted to tell you but I was afraid of what could happen. I don’t like dating, because once you get too close to someone, anything can happen to them. Especially, when your job consists of catching bad guys who could use angels like you as leverage. That’s why I’ve been talking to Hotch and JJ. They know what it’s like to be in a relationship that could also be in harms way any minute, so I just really needed advice.”

“I get it, Em. I do. But you have to remember, I’m a profiler too.” You replied, wiping her tears eyes and placing a kiss on her lips. “I see the same things you do on a daily basis and of course I don’t want to lose you either. It would kill me. Which is why I want to make the most of the time we have now. We can’t live in fear of tomorrow, we just have to live for today. I know that sounds corny as hell but it’s true, baby. And I want to live with you for the rest of my life, no matter how long it is.”

You two certainly had a lot more to talk about, however, at that specific moment in time, you just wanted to be in each other’s embrace as the darkness of the office enveloped you both. The only visible light seeping through the closed blinds, depicting the irony in the situation of what it really meant to be slow dancing in the dark...

A/N: Definitely don’t know how I feel about this one, but oh well. I’ve been wanting to start writing more so I hope you liked it anyway!

[bisluthq]

hi nat! i know you don’t believe in kaylor anymore, but i wanted to send in my kaylor/joshlie theory, just as food for thought and fun speculation.

CW: ED

background:

back in 2017, i made a new friend. i quickly became kinda obsessed with her. i idolized how tall and skinny she was, her radiant sunshine-like presence, and the way she was so much cooler than me. something about her just drew me in like a magnet.

one day she told me that she was “bi-curious,” and i felt the unexplainable urge to tell her that i was queer too—so i did.

thus started our intense homoerotic friendship. we talked about everything, and she was rather touchy and flirty with me (we even hooked up a few times). but she was hung up on this dude who she’d been in a long-term off-and-on relationship with. looking back, i think she saw me as a willing participant in her experimentation phase—a source of casual fun while on a break from her ‘real’ relationship (plus, i came with the added bonus of helping her figure out her sexuality a bit).

meanwhile, i was serious about us because i was in love with her. as such, the relationship was obviously very unhealthy: neither of us had appropriate expectations of the other, and because of the imbalance in our level of commitment/love, she ended up inadvertently taking advantage of my friendship in ways that only increased my obsession with her. naturally, our friendship eventually imploded.

i think the kaylor story may look similar.

my theory on kaylor:

i think that kaylor had a very similar friendship as me and my friend. their connection obviously started out as pr, but they ended up getting along well and bonded. thus started their genuine friendship.

i think that their eating disorders were likely a strong source of bonding/connection for them, as this was the case for me and my friend as well. i wanted to emulate how skinny my friend was, just how i think taylor wanted to emulate how skinny karlie was. (remember the vogue best best friends video, in which taylor complemented karlie’s “shiny abs.”) this is obviously an unhealthy place to start a friendship: from day one, you are on uneven ground, where one person is essentially worshipping the other and seeing them as a god-like figure to emulate.

imagine that taylor in that sort of mindset with karlie. and on top of that, she’s attracted to karlie—obsessed with her skinny body, her sunshine-like personality, how sophisticated she is, how effortlessly successful she is, etc. she develops an infatuation with karlie. she wants to take karlie to big sur with her and play 1989 on the way, and she’s so obsessed with karlie that she wants to tell her the truth about the 1989 muse. (trust me, it’s feasible—i told my friend shit i’d never have even imagined confessing to another human, all because of how infatuated with her i was.) so taylor and karlie sit down, have an intensely emotional conversation about how taylor is bi, how the pressures of staying closeted gut her every day, how her relationship with the 1989 muse dianna was so full of strife due to closeting, etc. /// or maybe taylor feels that she must disclose her bisexuality to karlie before the big sur trip. she’s terrified that if she doesn’t tell karlie she’s bi, then karlie will somehow find out. and taylor’s afraid that then, karlie will be creeped out that a ~predatory lesbian~ invited her on a three-month sleepover, leading to the demise of their friendship. so taylor must avoid that outcome – so she must come out to karlie.

so, for either reason i described, taylor comes out to karlie. considering how scared taylor is to come out to karlie (since it might ruin their friendship, or karlie might maliciously out her to others now that she knows, etc.) and considering how generally poor taylor’s mental health was at the time, the coming out inevitably evolves into an intensely emotional conversation about taylor’s fears, insecurities, the pressures of being a closeted mega-celebrity, etc. perhaps karlie feels compelled to match the level of emotion and vulnerability, motivating her to tell taylor “i’m questioning if i might be a little bi too.” or perhaps taylor’s level of earnestness and rawness stirs up the illusion of intense emotions inside of karlie. so, karlie “comes out” to taylor – confessing that she’s questioning/bi-curious (for context, i think karlie is kinsey 1). /// (to show the validity of this possibility – this is how evangelical churches, such as the one shown in the 2006 documentary “jesus camp”, are able to convince children that they’re being overcome by the holy spirit, being prompted by god to break down in tears, etc. – psychologically speaking, when people are put into highly intense emotional situations, [such as taylor breaking down while coming out to karlie], their brains will feel inadvertent pressure to match the level of emotion. as such, their brains will either exacerbate existing relevant emotions, or create the illusion of relevant strong emotions. [this is probably especially true for karlie, since she is an empath and a people pleaser.]).

thus starts the “friends with occasional benefits” stage. karlie views the relationship as something casual, something that gal pals do sometimes, something fun to experiment with while she and josh are on a break, and maybe with the added bonus of helping her figure out if she’s actually a little bit queer.

but taylor falls hard. as i already said, i think taylor was infatuated with karlie’s personality, success, and skinniness. that’s why taylor is willing to engage in such an unhealthy and un-reciprocal relationship: she’s willing to tolerate josh’s presence, because her brain is so fixated on karlie that she’s willing to endure anything for her. taylor may even recognize that kaylor is doomed, but she’s so in love/obsessed that she can’t bring herself to care about anything other than the utter infatuation she feels in this present moment. (this was true of me and my friend – my friend would literally vent to me about her long-term on-again-off-again boyfriend, and i was willing to endure it because of how obsessed with her i was.) or maybe taylor’s somewhat in denial about josh. (this was also true of me and my friend – i had such a hard time conceptualizing that she had feelings for the man that my brain, to some extent, refused to fully grasp the reality of that.) or maybe taylor was even in denial about how intensely she loved karlie, convincing herself that she just really valued her platonic friendship (i also did this – it took me months to admit that i had a crush on my friend and admit that my level of obsession wasn’t normal gal pal behavior – even though i was already out to myself.) also keep in mind the eating disorder dynamic here – taylor looked to karlie as an idol regarding how to eat healthy, exercise, be skinny, and be successful. the mindset of people engaged in eating disorders tends to be obsessive and unhealthy to the extent of being willing to ignore reality / unknowingly refusing to accept reality, possibly including the reality of josh, if taylor feels like her skinniness is dependent on her connection with karlie.

so basically, karlie sees this as a gal pal fling, friends with the occasional casual benefit. taylor, conversely, is infatuated with karlie. one thing that really confirms this for me is kissgate. taylor was liking kaylor shipped tumblr posts shortly before kissgate – she obviously was feeling something for karlie that night. but karlie wasn’t committed to taylor to the same level – yes they (allegedly) made out, but karlie made out with josh immediately afterwards. /// to taylor, kaylor is a ship, an endgame. but to karlie, taylor is just a fun little pit stop, and she’s gonna go make out with her real boyfie immediately after.

eventually, the friendship inevitably implodes, leading to their breakup in 2016. some straw finally breaks the camel’s back on this relationship which was unhealthy and doomed from day 1.

now let’s look at lyrical evidence from repuation that supports my theory.

lyrical evidence from reputation:

ready for it

the bearding anthem. verses “he” are joe, as confirmed by the music video. chorus “you” is her fantasy idealized version of long-term kaylor.

there’s a reason that the “you” relationship (in the chorus) is happening IN HER DREAMS and not in real life – she pines for this committed and serious relationship with karlie, but that’s not reality.

but taylor has hope that it might happen – “i know i’m gonna be with you, so I TAKE MY TIME.” she imagines they’ll be friends-to-lovers, and she’s willing to wait as long as necessary for them to fully reach that lovers stage

this is a stretch, but “thief”/“robber” may refer to how she’s “stealing” karlie from josh lol. “touch me and you’ll never be alone” may also be a cheeky reference how taylor was like a temporary placeholder for josh – when karlie felt alone bc she and josh were on a break, taylor was like “touch me karlie, to keep you occupied while josh has left you alone. and oh yeah, if you end up in a relationship with me, then i promise that you’ll never be alone, bc i will commit to you, unlike that josh boy. i will be so much better than him, if you just let me.”

end game (but only the chorus/verse which taylor wrote)

“i WANNA be your endgame” – taylor is not in a committed relationship with karlie. as karlie sees it, they’re just fooling around. but taylor wants more than that: she wants to be karlie’s endgame.  

“you and me would be a big conversation” bc they’re gay. (sorry joseph matthew alwyn, this line is not about you)

“i don’t wanna touch you …… like the other girls do” may be a reference to how karlie is gal pals with plenty of her female friends (example – her platonic yet very affectionate relationship with toni garrn). but taylor wants more than that – she wants their touches to be romantic rather than just platonic/occasionally casually sexual.

“i don’t wanna hurt you” – taylor fears that she’s bad news for karlie (a sentiment repeated in the first line of delicate, the bridge of i did something bad, etc.). this may be internalized homophobia – the predatory lesbian falls in love with her pure/innocent straight best friend and then corrupts her with homosexuality.

“but i ain’t tryna play” – taylor wants this relationship to be more than just the occasional fun/playful/casual hook up. she wants to be karlie’s end game.

“i hit you like ‘bang’, we tried to forget it, but we just couldn’t” may refer to the first time they hooked up. it was unexpected, just happened so suddenly (“like ‘bang’”). and they were just going to put it past them – sometimes friends hook up, it’s whatever. but taylor can’t move on from it.

“your body is gold” – self-explanatory. karlie is the gold rush girl, after all.

“you’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks” reminds me of how i used to try to communicate my seriousness/love to my friend, but she’d laugh it off and assume i was joking. conversely, perhaps the “trick” is that taylor is pretending that she’s not super invested in karlie—maybe karlie is catching on to the fact that taylor is infatuated with her in a ~gay way~. taylor denies it, but karlie calls her bluff on that statement.

“here’s the truth from my red lips” – but in the music video, her lips aren’t red when she says this line. this may allude to all of the lying involved in her relationship with karlie (such as lying about just how in love with karlie she really was). or taylor may have her lips a different color because the truth has changed from the time she wrote this song to the time she’s filming the video – when she wrote this song, it was true that she wanted to be karlie’s endgame. but by the time rep era is here and they’re filming this video, the kaylor friendship is over, and it is no longer true that taylor wants to be karlie’s endgame.

i did something bad

just like in “ready for it”, i think the verses primarily refer to bearding (or maybe calvin/kimye, idk), but the chorus is about karlie.

“they say did something bad / then why’s it feel so good” – it is bad that she slept with karlie despite the fact that karlie is in a complicated long term relationship with josh. but the sex felt good ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

“and i’d do it over and over and over again / IF I COULD” – this implies that taylor only did ~the bad thing~ a few times, and she was unable to do it more times, even though she wanted to. this lines up with my theory that she and karlie hooked up a few times (casually in karlie’s eyes), but taylor wanted it to be more than just a few times (she wanted to be karlie’s endgame). but they couldn’t get to that committed place of routinely having sex bc karlie was still low key hung up on josh.

this is a very unlikely reach but – “he says ‘don’t throw away a good thing’” – “he” might be josh speaking to karlie about their relationship.

in the bridge, taylor says that she is a witch being unjustly burned. the witch is burned because she is being accused of the sin of dark magic – this parallels josh accusing taylor of being a witch who committed the sin of sleeping with his girlfriend, or maybe even the sin of “corrupting” the pure straight girl karlie. furthermore, the bridge invokes religious imagery of purgatory. and tbh, religious imagery is almost always gay xoxo.

don’t blame me

“don’t blame me, love made me crazy” again implies that taylor has committed a sort of ~crime~, such as the ~crimes~ i just mentioned regarding the don’t blame me bridge.

“my drug is my baby” – the drug reference makes me think of dependency. the obsession and infatuation i experienced with my friend (and that i suspect taylor experienced with karlie) is sort of like a drug dependency – and just like a drug dependency, the need for each other is not reciprocal (the drug does not need you back).

“shaking, pacing, i just need you” implies that taylor does not have “you”, which is consistent with my theory that she wanted kaylor to be endgame whereas karlie was only willing to doing occasional gal pal hook ups.

“for you, i would cross the line” / “they say she’s gone too far this time” – sleeping with josh kushner’s ~innocent straight~ girlfriend certainly crosses a line, lol.

“i would waste my time” – as i mentioned in my ready for it analysis, taylor hopes that kaylor be friends-to-lovers. she’s willing to wait as long as necessary for them to fully reach that lovers stage, even though she recognizes that the relationship is doomed and thus a waste of time.

“my name is whatever you decide” – we don’t have to “girlfriends.” we can just be “friends with benefits” or “gal pals” or whatever name you decide, because i am so desperate to have you at all that i will accept you in any form.

“i’m insane, but i’m your baby” – acknowledging that this unhealthy relationship/infatuation she has with karlie is “insane”

“halo hiding my OBSESSION” – “obsession” (!!!!) (that’s what i’ve been saying kaylor was!!!). also, “halo” is a religious metaphor, and religious metaphors are always gay xoxo. and this is a reach, but as a victoria’s secret angel, karlie wears a halo.

“i once was poison ivy, but now i’m your daisy” – i’m sorry, but i’ll never get over the fact that karlie tagged the daisy as taylor, and then taylor drew a picture of a daisy in an identical position above the word “daisy” in the handwritten lyrics.

“for you, i would fall from grace / just to touch your face” – religious metaphors are gay xoxo!

delicate – unsure if this song is about karlie (i think it’s more likely about lily or even joe), but if it is about karlie, it does align well with my kaylor theory.

“this ain’t for the best” – doomed relationship due to josh, corruption of straight girl, karlie won’t commit, etc.

“we can’t make / any promises” – karlie can’t commit to taylor like taylor wants/needs

“is it cool that i said all that? is it chill that you’re in my head? cuz i know that it’s delicate” – is it cool that i have gay feelings for you, bestie, because i know we’re toeing a very delicate line between friends and lovers?

“third floor on the west side” – iirc, the master bedroom of karlie’s west side apartment was on the third floor

“do the girls back home touch you like i do?” – contrasting platonic girls’ touches to the type of touch taylor is giving her. (similar vibe to “i don’t wanna touch you …… like the other girls do” in end game)

“stay here, honey, I DON’T WANNA SHARE” – i don’t wanna share you with josh

“I PRETEND YOU’RE MINE ALL THE DAMN TIME” – implies that karlie is not hers all the time (because she’s josh’s)

“i like you …… i want you” – taylor is Yearning™ for a deeper/more serious relationship with karlie

look what you made me do

i don’t think this song has much substance, but it may draw on themes/emotions from the kaylor friendship break up.

“i don’t like your games” – i don’t like how you led me on, making me feel like we could be forever when, in reality, you were never going to commit to me because you loved josh

“don’t like your tilted stage” – this reminds me of the power imbalance i mentioned earlier: taylor was obsessed with karlie and idolized her. karlie did not reciprocate this dedication and infatuation. because taylor’s love for karlie is so much more intense than karlie’s love for her, the metaphorical scale is imbalanced, making it tilt.  

“the role you made me play, of the fool” – you made me out to be a fool, ready to confess my undying love even though you could never reciprocate. // furthermore, the “role” may refer to how they had to act like platonic girl squad besties as per their pr arrangement (reminds me of how karlie publicly said “taylor and i are still besties” after karlie’s name wasn’t on the junior jewels shirt in the lwymmd mv, how karlie promo-ed the “Me!” filter on Instagram, the song closure, etc.)

“your perfect crime” – the crime of sleeping with taylor despite being low key still with josh

“i got smarter” – i began to realize how unhealthy this warped and imbalanced friendship was

“you asked me for a place to sleep / locked me out and threw a feast” – this may refer to karlie had a ~designated bestie sleepover room~ in taylor’s house, and that enty blind about how karlie used taylor’s credit card and that caused a feud lol

i do not think that “so it goes” is about karlie – it’s too reciprocal. i don’t think gorgeous is about karlie specifically – maybe lily or just women in general. and i agree with andy’s theory that getaway car is more so an exercise in storytelling than a song that contains substantive clues about her relationships.

king of my heart

we have the photos showing that taylor wrote/recorded this after facetiming with karlie to watch the sunset together. taylor wrote this right after that romantic coded date, presumably during a high point of their friendship/relationship – as such, this song is more idealistic than most other kaylor songs. taylor is hopeful about the future of a committed endgame kaylor. (but, we’ll also see that taylor does still have some insecurities about kaylor.)

“now you try on calling me baby like trying on clothes” – karlie is just “trying on” calling her baby. karlie is new to this whole wlw thing, and she won’t be wearing these metaphorical clothes (a wlw relationship) for long – she’s just trying them on. furthermore, “trying on clothes” may reference how karlie is a model.

“salute to me, i’m your american queen” – i think i remember from my ttb days (derogatory) that there’s a video clip of karlie calling taylor “the perfect all-american girl” whilst doing a salute.

“you move to me like a motown beat” may reference the “motown beats” instagram post where kaylor are putting on lipstick together

the fact that taylor includes the line “all the boys and their expensive cars … never took me quite where you do” may be a sign of taylor’s insecurity. i think this may be a message to karlie – ‘yes, josh is a rich boy with expensive cars, but look, we are so much better than joshlie is.’ calling josh a mere “boy” is also a funny little insult – he’s not a man, he’s just some silly little boy who can’t satisfy you like i can.

“body and soul” – i think it might be significant that taylor specifies body AND soul. they’re already connected by the soul through their close friendship – but now they’re connecting sexually with their bodies as well. conversely, this could reference how they’ve already connected bodily through casual gal pal hook ups, but now taylor believes that they’re starting to connect on that romantic soul level as well.

“school girl crush” gives me such unreciprocated crush vibes. maybe taylor’s crush was unreciprocated for a while, but she has reason to believe that their relationship is growing into ~more than just friends~, as she’s desired

“drinking beer out of plastic cups” – knicks game

“say you fancy me, not fancy stuff” – “fancy” could just be straight-bait to make swiftwyn beards look more convincing, or it could be a re-dedication of the song to joe (just how the bridge of dress re-dedicated that song to joe). (for context, i believe in swiftwyn beards-to-lovers.) but what’s important here is that “fancying stuff” made me think of how, as a model, karlie is like madona’s Material Girl. rich boy josh with his fancy cars can give karlie more “stuff” to satisfy her inner material girl, but taylor wants to show karlie that she can give her deeper fulfillment than that.

“this is enough” – this might be taylor reassuring herself that their relationship, despite being in a weird ~gal pals who hook up occassionally~ is enough. even though they’re not ~girlfriends~, the relationship is enough, because taylor believes that they’re working their way towards that ~body and soul endgame wives~ type of relationship.

“all at once” may refer to a seemingly sudden shift in the nature of their relationship – one day, they’re (infuriatingly) just gal pals who hook up, but all of a sudden, taylor has reason to believe/hope that maybe they’re starting to be more than that, maybe inching their way towards endgame territory.

i do not think that dancing with our hands tied is necessarily about karlie. it seems too reciprocal to be just about her; it might be an amalgamation of many relationships and how she frequently fears being outed.

dress

“a golden tattoo” – drake’s party. also, karlie is gold rush girl

“all of this silence, pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you / all of this silence, pining and desperately waiting” – once again implies that taylor does not have karlie the way she wants her. there’s “pining” because she wants more than karlie can give. and taylor is “desperately waiting” in hopes that maybe one day karlie will reciprocate her love to the full extent that she desires

“i don’t want you like a best friend” – self-explanatory

“carve your name into my bedpost” – taylor is making a request – ‘please commit, please leave a sign that you are committed to me forever, please be my endgame.’ note the dichotomy between this plea for karlie to take the initiative to make the carving, versus the statement in the first verse of how karlie inadvertently left “an indentation in the shape of” her. the indentation was not an act of karlie’s chosen will – taylor just so happened to fall in love with her, and now she’s asking karlie to reciprocate by making that carving.

“inescapable, i’m not even gonna try” – taylor is resigned to the fact that she’s fallen for karlie, even though the relationship might be doomed (as the next line demonstrates)

“if I get burned, at least we were electrified” – taylor is acknowledging that this relationship is low key doomed, and if anyone is going to get hurt, it’ll be taylor. taylor will be the one getting “burned” by the intensity of her infatuation, whereas karlie won’t be burned because she never reciprocated that intense love. /// going back to my commentary on “carve your name into my bedpost” – note how taylor frequently references karlie “claiming” her (with “marks”, “indentations”, “carvings”, and now “burns”), whereas taylor never states that she’s claimed karlie in any way. i think this may reflect taylor’s recognition that she has fallen much harder for karlie than karlie has for her. karlie does not bear marks, indentations, carvings, or burns from their relationship, because she was never as committed as taylor was. but taylor bears all those things because it is she who fell so hard for karlie.  

“you kiss my face and we’re both drunk” reminds me of that trope where the gal pals only make out when they’re drunk because they’re convinced they’re actually straight. maybe karlie is one of those straight girls who only has so much capacity for wlw sex, meaning that it happens more often when she’s drunk than when sober.

i do not think that “this is why we can’t have nice things” is a direct karlie song. it may indirectly reference how karlie “broke” the “nice thing” that was their relationship by refusing to commit, but i don’t think that the song has anything substantive to show us about kaylor.

i’m not sure if i think “call it what you want” is a kaylor song. on some level, “fit like a daydream” does sound like eating disorder taylor idolizing karlie’s body, and it’s interesting to me how the subject of the song expresses virtually no devotion to taylor, whereas taylor spends the whole song telling the subject “call it what you want – call us girlfriends, gal pals, whatever you want as long as i can keep you.” this reminds me a bit of kaylor.

new year’s day

“don’t read the last page” because i know that this book has a sad ending. this relationship is doomed, and it’s going to end poorly. but let’s put that out of our minds – i’m to infatuated with you in this moment to think about how this will inevitably end.

“i stay when you’re lost and i’m scared and you’re turning away” – when karlie is “lost” (leaving taylor to go back to josh) or “turning away” from taylor to go back to josh, taylor stays. she’s scared that she’s going to lose karlie, but she’s still going to stay, because she’s willing to “waste her time” (don’t blame me) waiting for karlie to choose her.

“i stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we’re making mistakes” – taylor is willing to stay through the mess of their imbalanced and un-reciprocal relationship even when that inevitably gets hard. their relationship is “wrong” because karlie is josh’s, and maybe kaylor was a mistake because of joshlie, but taylor doesn’t care – she loves karlie too much, so she’s going to stay and wait for karlie to choose her.

“i WANT your midnights” – implying that taylor does not currently have them, because karlie is not reciprocating the level of love taylor is giving and wants in return.

“hold on to the memories” implies that this relationship will be ending soon (because it is doomed), leaving karlie only memories to hold onto.

“i will hold onto you” – this goes back to the theme of taylor’s obsession. karlie is her drug – she’s addicted to her, and she will “waste her time” eternally waiting for karlie to choose her because she’s that obsessed with her.

“please don’t ever become a stranger” – why is taylor worrying about this? because the relationship is doomed, and becoming strangers feels like this horrible yet inevitable ending that will be a part of “the last page”

thanks for reading, and sorry about any typos!

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

SUBMISSION

I found this as part of my Insta ask era but let’s look over this for thoughts. Haven’t read it yet but I know anon was stressed it got lost (it did because y’all talk too much but also don’t stop I love it).

[travllingbunny]

Having spent a couple of years in The 100 fandom, one of the things that always strikes me is the gap between the canon characters and their fanon versions. Almost every character has at least one, sometimes two doppelgangers in fanon. These fanon versions often contradict each other, since the fandom has apparently been sharply divided for years. In other cases, there is one definite fanon creation that’s widely popular and mostly uncontested. 

Which of these fanon creations do you find most boring, and which ones may be actually kind of fun?

Fanon!Clarke 1: The show’s main villain. This character is completely selfish, spoiled, tyrannical, absolutely loves murdering people and committing genocide, and spends all her time scheming and manipulating people so she could achieve her evil goals (which are to keep her friends and family alive). Likes to risk her life and “sacrifice” herself just because she always wants to be the center of attention. Has always been abusive to Bellamy by.. telling him nice and supportive things about himself, but not nice and supportive enough, and cruelly allowing him to go on a mission that was his own idea and his plan (an example of how unequal their relationship is and that she always orders him around). Doesn’t care about anyone, except maybe her adoptive daughter Madi, which makes her annoying and a traitor for not prioritizing her friends’ safety over her daughter’s, except for the times when she’s prioritizing her friends’s safety over her daughter, which makes her a bad mother.

Fanon!Clarke 2: Minor character, notable for being Lexa’s love interest. (See below.) This young, occasionally confused lesbian was a damsel constantly in need of saving by the show’s hero, Lexa, and didn’t do anything important until  meeting Lexa, and learning from her how to be a leader. Still not too good at it, probably due to the bad influence of the show’s villain, Bellamy (see below), with whom she has an unhealthy, toxic platonic relationship but for whom she doesn’t really care, at the same time. Had a bunch of things happen to her, such as losing both her parents and a bunch of other important people in her life, having to mercy kill her first love minor crush (at the time when she still thought she was into men), constantly fighting for survival, being left almost alone on a deserted planet for 6 years, having her body stolen - but none of this ever traumatized her, the only thing she’s ever been affected was Lexa’s death, which she spends all her time talking about, 24/7, even 6.5 years later. 

Fanon!Bellamy 1: The show’s main villain. Evil, violent white man (as a consequence of having a younger, white sister, which makes him white because biracial people don’t exist), constantly angry, goes around killing people in bouts of rage. Racist and hates Grounders (who, naturally, are a race - as descendants of a group of people from a cult that used to live in a bunker). Super into killing civilians and committing genocide. Probably stupid and uneducated. Killed his sister’s boyfriend and somehow indirectly killed the show’s hero, Lexa. Is indirectly to blame for anything wrong that ever happened in the show. Also likes to abuse Clarke (see Fanon!Clarke 2). 

Fanon!Bellamy 2: A very unusual character that consists of two different people: in seasons 1-4: the sweetest, most sensitive and softest clean shaven boy in the world, who wore his heart on his sleeve and spent all his time telling Clarke how much he loves her (even without ever actually having told her anything like that, or asked her out on a date, and even while sleeping with other women, but that’s this character’s special power). Never killed people, except when he did, but that only happened because the writers hated him and he was OOC. As of the start of season 5, turned into a cold, unemotional bearded man who is totally in love with evil Echo (see below) and doesn’t care about Clarke at all (which makes his actions in a lot of season 5 and all of season 6 a complete mystery).

Fanon!Octavia 1: The most perfect human being in the history of the human race. Has never done anything wrong in her entire life. When she beat up her brother savagely, it’s because he deserved it, everyone she’s murdered deserved it, and she was never a tyrant - people just didn’t realize that, as the perfect leader, she needed to have absolute power. She was also a victim of manipulation by evil Abby (see below), who made her decide to force her people to become cannibals. But forcing people to become cannibals was also the right thing to do. Was betrayed by everyone, including her treacherous brother and all the other traitors who didn’t appreciate her leadership.

Fanon!Octavia 2: A monstrous epitome of white supremacy, this character enjoys going around beating up various people of color just for kicks, enjoys cultural appropriation, and even decided to be born because she knew this would be an act of aggression against her MOC half-brother, whom she emotionally abused by her very existence.

Fanon!Abby: One of the show’s main villains, this character is incompetent and clueless but at the same time a vicious schemer, manipulating and exploiting the younger women in the show. (See above.) Can’t take responsibility, as seen by the fact that she didn’t blame herself for everything Octavia ever did. Messes things up because she still wants to mother her 18-year old daughter, which makes her annoying. At other times, pays more attention to trying to save her dying boyfriend than to trying to mother her 24 year old daughter who seems fine and able to take care of herself, which makes her a terrible mother.

Fanon!Lexa: The show’s main character and hero. Even though she was in just 16 episodes, didn’t join the show until halfway through season 2 and died 4 seasons ago, the show is still all about her. A pure cinnamon roll who never did anything wrong, the greatest leader and strongest fighter, able to single-handedly defeat all the bad guys, but also a visionary peacemaker who did the unprecedented action of doing what Clarke advised her to do. Actions like betraying her allies, throwing people off the top of a tower, letting her own people die, were all wise leadership choices and therefore morally right. (Anyone who feels differently is probably homophobic.) Possibly a woman of color (because of a mismatched foundation and/or because you can’t be a part of a technologically underdeveloped society and be white). Will come back in the series finale to save the day, in spite of having been dead and cremated 131+ years ago.

Fanon!Echo 1: The show’s central character since the start of season 5. An epitome of pure, 100% unadulterated evil, this character has no appealing, redeeming or just human qualities, but nevertheless, possesses an incredible screen presence that makes the fandom obsess over any second of her screentime and talk about every single thing she does or says (or even about her hairstyle) more than about anything else in the show.

Fanon!Echo 2: The strongest  and most badass of strong female characters, as seen in the fact that she is good at fighting and killing people and at carrying out other people’s orders (including that of her boyfriend’s). Has never been portrayed as a villain or done anything wrong that could possibly make any of the viewers dislike her - the only possible reason for anyone to dislike her is jealousy over her great, epic romance with Bellamy.

Fanon!Pike: Worst person ever, this villain was just racist towards Grounders (who are a race, see above) with no reason whatsoever and never had a sympathetic or tragic backstory to explain his views and decisions. He imagined that his people were in danger when in fact, everyone else was peaceful and tolerant and it was just him ruining everything. Invented a story about Azgeda being genocidal against his people and murdering the majority of them, including 15 children, right after they fell on Earth - which never happened because we didn’t see it. Somehow he manipulated everyone else into remembering that, too. Probably a cannibal and definitely a Nazi and Donald Trump 2.0, comparisons which are perfect because Pike is the epitome of racism because he not only killed Grounders, he executed a black guy by shooting him in the head. Strangely, Pike also looks like a black guy, but he can’t be one or this is unimportant, because using guns makes you white and only Grounders can be POC because they use medieval weapons.

Fanon!Roan: Clarke and Bellamy’s best friend. Spends all his time hanging out with them just because he likes them and really wants to see them get together. May be an Azgeda king or something, but that’s not important, because it’s not like he has political motivations for his actions. Super loyal to Clarke and never did anything like break alliances or kill his allies or march on Arkadia to attack her people or do any political scheming. Probably has a secret “Bellarke Forever!” tattoo.

[hiriajuu-suffering]

Reasons I believe in Polyamory

I’ll preface this by saying I’m not attractive enough to be able to have more than a single partner at once, but there is a reason for that, and really, the thesis of this wall of text below: heteronormative relationship standards in every culture have always been, and will continue to always be, more about possession than love in a post-imperialistic world.

Personally, I’m a huge proponent of engendered sexuality variance to the tone of males have a constant slow drip of libido and a female’s sex drive hits them like a freight train once a month (in mammalian bioepigenetics, this makes sense). I’m inclined to infer, because I’m not idyllically normatively attractive, only a fraction of a percentage of women will be attracted to me 24-27 days of any given month. As a cisgendered man who is regrettably straight, having the least attractive genoethnic identity intersection (South Asian Muslim) in Western culture, I’m never actually presented with the choices to act on a poly mindset (in fact, I would be ridiculed for it because people think it aligns with some other gross tribal stereotype when it couldn’t be further from the truth). In retrospect, I have everything to gain from interpreting the main benefit of an intimate relationship as ownership like heteronormative culture generally does yet I still think disavowing poly as a legitimate personal choice is immoral.

I know saying monogamous relationships are more about possession than love will offend lots of people, so before you throw hate at me for your emotionally defensive skepticism, hear me out. An unflinching, unyielding love is seen as the highest parameter in any type of romance. So why is it cheating is so much of a bigger problem than a dry spell specifically? Is it because it’s legitimately a breach of trust, or is it more about “if I can’t have you, no one can”? More importantly, does it go a step further and say “if I don’t want you, no one should”? To me, any sort of dry spell (whether physically, emotionally, mentally) signifies a much larger breach of trust than simply having been shared because it shows said commitment in the relationship was not unflinching, not unyielding. The monogamous lens looks at others like: I want to have the best partner, not just so that I’m happy, but no one else can receive the specific happiness I get. Doesn’t that whole mindset come off as brutish? Just me? Well, maybe your pitchforks will start coming down when you realize monogamy is a function of toxic patriarchy on both feminine and masculine ends.

There are bioevolutionary reasons for toxic femininity to value the possession aspect of a relationship over its substantive “quality of life” components, the birth-giving gender in any animalistic specie always had to be beheld to a provider they reproduce with. Does it not then represent a sense of feminine fragility when a single mother immediately demands a long-term relationship and nothing else? If I’m to believe said woman is capable of genuine lust in her system, having a child shouldn’t evaporate all carnal desires completely and, therefore, should leave room for compromise. Said stance also indicates she made some sort of error in judgment of her chosen reproductive mate and feels entitled another man ought remedy her strife even though, evolutionarily speaking, he has nothing to gain from helping to rear offspring not of his kin. Harsh, to be sure, but it does show in the obnoxiousness of the connotation of becoming a stepdad being a positive one and becoming a stepmom assumes the motivation of some gain in status (wealth, fame, power, etc.) which I would argue is negative. Where does toxic masculinity come into play? Desire for possession on the part of a male promotes the viability and exclusivity of his own children with his most desirable partner. While that’s damn near nowhere as compelling, it has to be stated because there are always two benefactors to patriarchy. Patriarchy is not a zero sum game, patriarchy seeks to concentrate all familial social benefits in the monogamously-driven, heteronormative genus, away from those who deviate from the ideal picture of stereotypical gender roles. The ill effects of patriarchal standards exist in every human civilization, but the ontological root to the specific brand of patriarchy that oppresses all genders today was spread by a culture that uniquely preached monogamy.

Polygamy, in a historical sense, was a testament to the more status a person of the provider gender could achieve, the more their genetics would proliferate. Many cultures globally practiced this, the issue is, the ones that didn’t were the ones who, often violently, “conquered” the ones that did. Christian fundamentalism is in every fiber of international morality, whether the nation in question believes in Christianity or not is often irrelevant. Monogamy is enforced, anything outside of that is deemed as necessarily being deviant (whether choosing to be alone or choosing more connections than a monocule). Fetishization of the step relation is eluding to this deviance in a not-so-subtle way because it’s something where its allure is derived from its forbiddenness moreso than its convenience, every one of these scenarios has a subtext of implicit gain, not loss, in engagement. Meaning, the idea is planted because a hot person is there not because a person in general is there and can satiate an urge. Tl;dr - we believe polyamory is a morally negative act because the Holy Roman Empire did and every nation that spawned from it spread, imparted, and coerced that ideal on every culture it came into contact with. Before the Holy Roman Empire, no historical documents made distinctions to behest multiple lovers as desanctifying of life itself, not even the coalescing of nations that made up the Holy Roman Empire before its inception.

We are now in an era when women have access to full reproductive control, yet we still see men lust more than women, e.g. archetypal lesbian tendencies versus archetypal gay male tendencies. Do we not question why this is the case? All lifeforms are hardwired with a desire to survive and reproduce, so why does that drive not reach equity when risk does? There are two answers, and it could even be both: women are only socially conditioned to have sex via patriarchal pressures and don’t have as much inherent desire to reproduce OR sex is a means-to-an-end to exclusively possess a desired provider, whatever said person provides. If said person has a trait valuable enough to want to possess, is it not self-contrived to keep that quality to oneself, not share it with the world where it can provide more utility? Heteronormative relationships, in a sense, are anti-altruistic at their very core. As facetious as this sounds, either of these trains of thought are validated by men being more willing to engage in polyamory than women, not because men are somehow any less loyal than women. On its own, I feel this line of reasoning is enough to justify a vehement disgust of polyamory as immoral, but I want to conclude on the most pivotal facet to this conversation and not just heavily imply monogamy encroachment on moral turpitude is problematic at best.

As I mentioned a few times, I am likely to be a spoke on a polycule, not a member with multiple connections. Exclusive possession is something I probably stand more to gain from than any woman, logically and realistically, given the current social climate and general global beauty standards. My advocacy of polyamory stems from me accepting I may not be enough to be the full extent of happiness my romantic interest desires. That doesn’t even come from a place of insecurity, it comes from a place knowing I could never be perfect even if its pursuit is a righteous cause. I see real insecurity as a fear of loss when the rules of engagement you put into place were exclusivity: you don’t want your partner looking at anyone else because it’s disadvantageous to you, meaning you’re not fixated on their best interest and looking at relationships in said manner is deliberately selfish. To me, the best frame of reference to morality in interpersonal social connections is altruism. Yeah, self-love is important and knowing your own boundaries is beneficial but everyone else’s boundaries don’t have to match yours. I’m not anti-monogamist, really. I’m more anti-polyamorist discontent.

Not having thought this deeply isn’t an excuse, either.

[tbhwhocaresanymore]

Nancy Drew 2x5

It’s official everybody: love conquers all

Okay WOW I cannot believe this was the original Nancy Drew season finale and that I had to wait an additional eleven months to see this episode I am suing the coronavirus for emotional distress. Because let me tell you this was one of the best season finales I have seen in a WHILE. And once again the writers have swaddled me in a safety blank and assuaged all of my concerns. I was a little worried when they made Odette a wlw because then that meant a lesbian was hunting down the good guys and would have to be killed, but MORE THE FOOL WAS I. I should have learned by now not to doubt the Nancy Drew writers.

Every single plot thread was wrapped up and a whole host of new ones were set up and I cannot wait to dive into all of them.

First off I would like to say that everything about the scenes with the Aglaeca coming to kill them was perfection. The five-way phone call, the deathbed confessions, the soft French singing and ominous chain rattling. And then when she APPEARED on the hood of the car like Dead Lucy appeared to Nancy on top of her car to tell her to summon the Aglaeca aaaah parallels and Nick and George held each other. “oh where is she, where is she” SHE’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU! The fire leaping out at Bess, the meat hook cutting Ace, Nancy falling from the bluffs. And then the crew reconnects back at the Claw thinking all is well but OH NO WHAT’S THIS ANOTHER PORTENT.

Hey how is it the entire gang seems to have forgotten that they willingly volunteered for this whole Aglaeca mess. Like I get it, your lives are on the line, you’re scared, but Nancy was all “no I cannot let you guys summon the Aglaeca with me it’s far too dangerous absolutely not” and they were all “psh danger fuck danger we have the power of friendship” and went right on ahead. And now that they have to face actual consequences they’re all “Nancy I cannot believe you put a gun to our heads and forced us into this how dare you” like GUYS. But yeah that scene caused me pain, with them all yelling at each other. I do think it’s interesting that proverbial lines in the sand have been drawn. Generally speaking whenever there are massive disagreements I’ll be watching to see if it stays as George and Nick v Bess and Ace with Nancy as the sort of swing vote.

Also because I am a Drewson shipper until I die it was satisfying to see that Nick, despite being in love with George, still has unresolved feelings about what went down with him and Nancy. We love unresolved feelings, and once Nancy learns how to communicate and be more open they will find their way back to each other and be even more in love.

The writers continue their never ending tally of taking seemingly unimportant moments from past episodes and making them SO IMPORTANT. NANCY HAVING THE PORTENT IN RYAN’S CAR??? *SCREEEEAAAAAAMS* And then speaking of the car. Oh my god you guys. Ryan and Carson the dad duo was peak comedy. I was legit dying. On the topic of parental figures

Hannah Gruen: Nancy no!

Nancy Drew: Nancy yes!

BABE. SHE LITERALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO OPEN THE DEATH BOXES AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN WAIT LIKE SIX HOURS BEFORE BLATANTLY DISOBEYING.

I know some people who watched the episode are probably going to be like “are you kidding me they beat the angry sea spirit with the power of love? Ugh pathetic” but no actually you’re wrong and it was BEAUTIFUL. Not just the concept but the execution. The lights going out one by one, the Aglaeca popping up and screaming, throwing them across the room one at a time, the words having to come from the heart, Nick speaking French he can speak French to me all day long, the Aglaeca melting and Odette rising once more. BRUH.

And then of course the blood bucket curse came to fruition and George fucking died and I was losing my mind only for Nancy to fucking revive her because THAT won't have consequences. And George talking about her sisters was so sweet I thought it might give me a cavity, and her with them in the morning. Quick question though. We know Victoria is around because she gave them the inhuman sea spirit banishing ritual like five days ago, soooo where is she now? Like George is about to die and she hardly gives her mom a spare thought aside from making sure Jessie will be able to take care of their sisters. Nancy had a fucking beautiful moment of reconciliation with Carson, couldn’t George have at least exchanged some kind words with her own mother?

Moving ahead we have sooo many plot lines to talk about I can’t wait.

The Bobbsey twins are coming back. Don’t know how I feel about that yet.

We have Ace with the sibling in Witsec. Now I know like the entire fandom wants Ace to be a Hardy brother, but here’s the thing. Ace has apparently never met this person and his dad doesn’t have any of that tortured ‘I’m-missing-my-child’ vibe going on, so I’m thinking maybe it’s Ace’s half-sibling. Like he’s half a Hardy. Cause also why would just the one kid go into Witsec and not the whole family? Maybe his mom had a baby as a teenager and gave them up for adoption, maybe his dad had an affair and didn’t realize it ended up as a pregnancy. Who’s to say???

We have Nick and Ryan (and possibly Nancy) taking down the Hudson empire. Nick is going to commit to honoring Tiffany’s dying wish and with Ryan as his man on the inside, he can hopefully actually do it. Nancy will probably also have a role in this storyline, because as evidenced by Ryan taking the flash drive she’s going to be the driving force behind Ryan listening to his conscience. And then of course we will have Nancy’s whole my-DNA-is-evil struggle, and her wanting to prove she’s not a bad person. Separate from the Hudsons (potentially) Nancy will also be working for her father this season as he regrows his law practice, and it will be so nice to see them finally have a good relationship again.

We have The Possession of George 2: Electric Boogaloo. This possession, if that’s even what it is, is very clearly different from the last one with Tiffany. George is still in control, and she’s not switching back and forth between herself and Tiffany like last time, she just has some new personality traits or whatever. The next episode summary includes Nick being concerned about George’s behavior, so I’m guessing some of the changes will be pretty obvious. But it probably isn’t something that’ll be fixed right away it’ll take a while. And I also don’t think Odette possessed her on purpose? Like she had given up the Aglaeca and seemed ready to move on, and then we see her in the mirror. Maybe there’s something she has to do regarding her girlfriend, like she has to find the Englishwoman’s ghost? Because the public story is Odette got married on the ship and died, what if her lady love thinks Odette forsook her or something and Odette wants to make it right? Last but not least I have said it before I’m saying it again I want George to develop psychic powers like her mother. Come on writers she’s not even cousins with Bess at least give me this.

Bess is going to try and stop stealing and some other stuff I’m sure and maybe learn about Marvin family skeletons and hopefully start dating Amaya??? Pleeeease???

We still have no idea what Det. Tamura’s purpose here is and I for one continue to want McGinnis back.

And then of course we have like fifty million horrors that Nancy just unwittingly unleashed on the previously sleepy town of Horseshoe Bay, and I absolutely cannot wait to see where that goes.

Hmm yeah that seems just about everything, except for I feel like there’s something I’m missing, something I'm forgetting, something important that’s slipped my mind. Oh, that’s right.

WRITERS.

WHERE THE FUCK IS LUCY SABLE.

[atlafan]

Take it Slow - Part Thirteen

a/n: okay this is my first shot at a harry:y/n fic, and it will be multiple parts. y/n had a bad experience with an ex over a year ago, and finally accepts her coworker and good friend Niall’s invitation to go on a blind date with his friend Harry.

(Fluff and smut in this one. Would love to know how you are still liking the story!)

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten Part Eleven Part Twelve

Masterpost

Over the next couple of weeks, you and Harry took turns staying over at each other’s places more often. You both agreed it was easier for him to stay over on school nights because you needed more things to get ready for work in the morning. So you would stay at his place more on the weekends. You were tired most mornings with him there, but it was a good tired. Your mood at work was overwhelmingly positive, and many people noticed. You couldn’t help it, essentially being given an orgasm every other night of the week did wonders for you. Between the way he would rub you, or go down on you, you were perfectly content with where things were with Harry. He was happy to be given head or a hand job as well.

Harry desperately wanted to be able to touch more of you, to feel more of you, but he knew he would get there with you eventually, and there was really no rush. The awful run in with Jake was slowly slipping from your memory. You truly were feeling like your old self.

Wednesday morning, Niall popped into your office. You were standing at your desk, editing away at a clip a client had sent in. You see Niall and take your headphones out.

“Hey.” He says with a smile.

“Sup?” You’re clearly busy, but don’t want to be rude.

“Are you doin’ anything for Halloween?” Halloween was next weekend, and you hadn’t thought twice about it. You used to love Halloween when you were in college, but not it was less fun when you didn’t have a full weekend of dressing up and binge drinking.

“I don’t think so, why?”

“I’m gonna have a party at my place, just decided last night.”

“Oh fun! Your place really is perfect for a party.”

“I’d like to do some type of costume contest.”

“Hmm, like a couple’s costume contest?” You raise an eyebrow at him.

“Not necessarily, I just think having a contest of some kind will get more people to want to dress up.”

“Definitely, this is gonna be so much fun! I’ll have to think of some costume ideas.”

“You and Harry should be Tarzan and Jane.” He starts laughing.

“He would never go for that, but something tells me he’ll be open to some interesting ideas.”

That night when you get home from work, you walk into the delicious smell of a home cooked dinner. Harry has his apron on, and is frying up some tofu and veggies. You walk over to him, and wrap your arms around him.

“Dinner’s almost ready love.”

“Wednesday’s are my favorite. Rest day from the gym, you get off work early, and you cook for me.” You kiss him on the cheek, and hang up your jacket. “What are we having?” You ask, sitting at the table.

“Garlic and ginger tofu stirfry.” He says placing a plate in front of you.

“Oh yum! Thank you sweetie.”

“Don’t mention it.” He smiles at you. You both dig in and you can’t help the moan that comes from your mouth. “Good, huh?” He chuckles.

“Mm, very good. God, you are such a good cook.”

“So are you.”

“But you’re better. So...”

“So...”

“Niall told me he’s having a Halloween party next weekend.”

“Yeah, he texted me last night. What should we go as?”

“Yay, so you’re into it?”

“Of course, I love Halloween parties. It’s fun to take pictures of people dressed in what they wish they could wear all the time.”

“Good point. Any ideas for costumes? I want to be creative, but it’s kind of last minute so I don’t know how much time we’ll have to make something.”

“Hmmm, what about like eighties punk rockers. We could wear leather pants and black eyeliner.”

“Are you going to wear a wig?”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because eighties rockers had long hair.”

“Not all of ‘em. I won’t wear a wig, but I’d wear everything else.”

“You just want to see my butt in a tight pair of pants.”

“Not true! Although, you would look incredibly sexy.” You swat a hand at him while you shovel more food into your mouth.

“Oh! What if you were like Charlie Brown and I was Peppermint Patty?”

“Isn’t she a lesbian? Wouldn’t really work for a couple’s costume.” He laughs.

“Are we really going to discuss whether or not a comic strip character is a lesbian? And who cares if she is, they’re still good friends, it would be cute.”

“You could be snoopy?”

“How could I possibly dress up as snoopy?” Harry starts to blush.

“Well, you could wear like a white dress, and paint your nose black. You could buy the dog ears, and um, a collar.” He looks down at his food.

“You want me to wear a dog collar?”

“It would be part of the costume.”

“I do have a black choker I could wear…does he wear a black collar or a red collar?”

“I can’t remember, we can look it up.”

“I think I have one in both colors. You know what, this could work, and I think I have a white jumpsuit I could wear. I could wear my white heels, the choker, and you’re right just paint a nose on and buy the ears. You must have black shorts, we could buy a yellow polo and paint a black zig zag on it.”

“This’ll be fun.” Harry loves when you say the word we. It was a word he used to be scared of, but it sounds so good coming from your lips.

That weekend you two go to WalMart to pick out the extra components of your costumes. You buy some black fabric paint, and slip a piece of cardboard inside the shirt. Harry lays down some newspaper for you on his kitchen floor, and watches you intently while you paint the zig zag on the front and back of the yellow shirt.

“Okay, now don’t touch this, and just let it dry, I don’t want it getting smudged.” You hand it to him, and he places it on his desk to lean against the wall.

“Do you like to paint?”

“I do, actually. My Nannie used to paint when she was younger, I actually have some of her art hanging in my apartment.”

“Maybe we could go to one of those like, wine and paint nights at a bar sometime.”

“You’d be into something like that?”

“Sure, Niall and I have actually done it together a couple of times, it’s pretty relaxing.” You burst out laughing.

“You two have the weirdest friendship.” You say wiping tears from his eyes.

“Oi, what’s the difference between two men having a boys night and two girls having a girls night?”

“I suppose not much, it’s just funny to picture you both getting wine drunk and painting. But from your original point, I think it would be a lot of fun if we did that sometime.”

//

You had your period this week, so you couldn’t wait for Halloween to roll around because you knew you’d be done by then. You took out your white jumpsuit. It was cute, low cut with spaghetti straps. You bought it because it had pockets and because it was boot cut. The ones that flared out too much made your legs look weird. You slipped it on, and twirled in your mirror. It really made your butt look great. You left your hair down and straight, and stuck your dog ears on. Then you took out your black choker and your red choker, still not being able to decide which one would make more sense. You didn’t want to look like Brian Griffin, so you went with the black choker. You paint a black nose onto yourself. You slipped your white pumps on, and waited for Harry.

Harry strolled into your place around eight-thirty. He had a pair of black converse on, paired with black shorts, and the yellow shirt you had made for him. His jaw nearly hits the floor when he sees you.

“I didn’t know snoopy could be so sexy.” He says walking over to you. “Is, um, aunt flow still in town?”

“No, she left yesterday.” You giggle. “I didn’t know you owned sneakers like that.”

“I had to really dig them out of my closet. I tried to make the outfit work with my boots, but it just wasn’t happening.” You notice his nails were now black and yellow.

“Can I just say I love that you color coordinated your nails?” You hold his hand looking over the colors.

“Hey, when I commit to something, I commit.” You give him a funny look. “Right, shall we head over?”

“Yup, let me just grab my bag. We’ll go back to your place after, yeah?”

“Works for me.” He smiles, and takes your bag down to the car, checking out your ass in your jumpsuit. “That really is a sexy outfit, (y/n).” You feel your cheeks heat up when he places a hand on your thigh as he drives to Niall’s.

“Thank you, Harry.” You give his hand a little squeeze.

When you get up to Niall’s, the place was already packed. You spot him right away. He had a white t-shirt on that said ‘chill’ on it and you immediately rolled your eyes. You spot Sarah who is wearing a tight red dress that she pinned the word Netflix to. Niall comes over to the greet you, and to take the bottle of wine you brought.

“Glad you guys could make it.” He looks you both up and down. “Charlie Brown and Snoopy? Damn, why didn’t I think of that?”

“Because you are unoriginal, mate.” Harry grabs your hand and brings you over to the drink cart to make the two of you drinks. You wave to Sarah who gives you a thumbs up.

You just realized you had never been to a big party with Harry before. Well, you both had been at Niall’s holiday party last year, but you weren’t there together. Nor did the two of your even speak. You remember him slightly talking to a group of girls who were probably all waiting the clock out to see who he would take home with him.

Rachel was there with a girl, who you recognized as the girl she took home from the bar over a month ago. You make eye contact with her, and you both wink at each other. You were so happy your friend groups were merging.

“Oi! It’s the lad himself!” You hear a man with a thicker British accent yell to Harry. Harry whips his head around, and you swear you had never seen him smile quite so big. The man was wearing all yellow and had a picture of Heinz Mustard on his belly. Ketchup probably not too far away.

“Lou!” Harry yells back, and the two practically run into each other’s arms. “What the fuck are ya doin’ here?”

“I drove in for the party, that alright with ya?” The two hug for another second, before Harry turns back to introduce you.

“Babe, this is my mate Louis. Louis, this is my girlfriend, (y/n).” You hold your hand out to shake, and he takes it kindly.

“Nice to meet ya.”

“Same to you. So, did you go to college with Harry and Niall?”

“Yeah we spent some time at uni together. It’s so funny, ya live in the same country with a guy, only a couple of hours away your whole life, and it takes goin’ ‘cross the pond at some random school to meet.”

“And you also decided to stay in the states?”

“Yeah, well the girl I was with at the time convinced me to stay here with her. We broke up eventually, but by that time I had already gone through the process of dual citizenship.”

“Oh I see.”

“Mate, El is here with me tonight, I’m sure she’d love to see ya, let me go grab her.” You see Harry roll his eyes after Louis leaves.

“I fucking hate his girlfriend, her name is Eleanor.”

“Oh, why do you hate her?” You put a hand on his arm to soothe him.

“She just rubs me the wrong way. She hated how close Lou and I were, that’s why he lives like two hours away, because the three of us would hang out all the time. The three of us lived together for a while, and she yanked him right out.” Louis walks over with Eleanor, and yup, she’s ketchup.

“Hi Harry.” She says with what you assume is a fake smile, because he’s giving her one as well. They give each other a small hug.

“Hey El, this is my girlfriend, (y/n).”

“Hi, love, nice to meet ya.” Why were there so many British people in this area? How did they find each other? “Girlfriend! Well, it’s ‘bout damn time, H.” You look up at him and scrunch your nose. You had never heard anyone refer to him like that. 

“Was just waitin’ for the right girl.” He hooks an arm around your waist, and you feel peaceful.

“Harry, come do shots with me like old times. I know Niall has that good tequila.”

“Deal.” The boys go into the kitchen to find shot glasses, leaving you with Eleanor.

“Did ya ever watch Boy Meets World growin’ up?” You make a face at the odd question, but laugh.

“Um, yeah, I loved that show.”

“Right, well, what you’re lookin’ at”, she points to the boys who are clinking two shot glasses together. You already know you’re going to have to uber back to Harry’s later. “is a the real life Cory and Shawn.”

“Which one of us is Topanga?” You giggle.

“Me, of course. I was always the third wheel with them. I met Louis in grad school, and you would think that two boys wouldn’t act like such children around each other.” You didn’t think Harry was close with someone other that Niall. “Jesus, and when the three of them would get together.” She rolls her eyes.

“They seem to really miss each other. It’s good for guys to have friends.”

“Oh I agree, I don’t mind Niall. Harry just never really warmed up to me, and would make things difficult for Lou and I. I know he blames me for why Lou lives so far away, but I got a really good job offer and he wanted to come with me.”

“I get it. My best friend lives outside the city, and it’s hard enough to get together with her only an hour away.” Yes, you still considered Kate to be your best friend, even if you still weren’t talking to her. “It’s a two way street, both people have to make the effort.”

“We invite Harry to visit all the time, but he always say no. I think he would feel like the third wheel, not that that’s possible. Maybe now that he has you, you could convince him to come out for a weekend here and there. We can’t stay with him here because he doesn’t have space for us. And hotels can be so expensive.”

“Sure, I could definitely put a bug in his ear.” You hadn’t been away with Harry yet, you didn’t really want your first weekend away to be with another couple, but you would see how things go.

“Thanks, Jesus, look at them.” You see them laughing as they take another shot. “That’s their third shot you know? We officially no longer exist at this party.” Before you can say anything, Sarah comes up to you with a shot glass for yourself.

“Here, Harry asked me to do one with you.” You take the cold glass from her and tip your head back.

“I love tequila, I’m gonna get more. Eleanor come on, come do a shot.” She sighs, but follows you into the kitchen.

You grab a lime and some salt. You cut up the lime into small sections.

“What are you doin’?” Harry slurs. Wait, Harry is drunk? He never gets drunk.

“I’m gonna do some shooters.”

“Shooters?” He mimics your American accent.

“Yup, give me your hand.” You lick a small spot on the top of his hand, his eyes growing wide at the PDA, and shake some salt on it. You do the same to your own hand. “Okay, so, how it goes is, you lick the salt, take the shot, and suck on the lime.”

Eleanor and Louis do as you did, and you all lick the salt at the same time. You take your shot, and grab the lime immediately to suck on. Harry can’t help but watch as your teeth sink into the fruit and suck the juice. You take it out of your mouth and look at them.

“See, way more fun way to take a shot.”

You start to feel a bit tipsy, and suddenly the music is calling you. You walk away without saying anything to find Sarah and Rachel. The three of you form a little group so you can dance. Niall really did have the perfect layout for a party. There was room to sit or stand around to just chat, and he had the room for dancing. Whatever playlist was on was hitting just right. Some oldies and newer hits was the perfect combination.

Eleanor leaves to use the bathroom, and Niall goes to stand with Louis and Harry, as the boys watch the girls dance.

“I gotta say Harry, she sure knows how to move it.” Louis says.

“Yeah, she sure does. I would have loved to know her in uni, apparently she was quite the party animal.”

“The three of them were.” Niall says, taking a sip of his drink. “Sarah has told me some wild stories. (y/n) apparently is one of the most fun people to party with.”

You move along effortlessly to the beat of the song. You and your friends are laughing and singing along loudly to the music, but no one can really hear you. A lot of other people start dancing, it might as well be a club in here.

“Lou?” Eleanor says after coming back from the bathroom.

“Yeah, love?”

“Come dance with me?”

“You bet, see ya guys out there.” Harry rolls his eyes as Eleanor drags him away.

“Why didn’t you tell me he was comin’?” Harry looks at Niall with a pout.

“Thought he was goin’ to flake. He’ll be around all weekend, don’t worry you two can have some alone time, I’ll make sure of it. Just try to pretend to be happy for him.”

“I am happy for him, I just wish he found any other girl to make him happy.” Niall starts to walk away. “Where you goin’?”

“My girl is out there shakin’ her ass, so you better believe I’m gonna go dance with her, and you should do the same, plenty of guys are watchin’ her.” He points over at you, and it was true. Plenty of people were watching you.

A drunk Harry stumbles over to you, and wraps his arms around your waist, pressing himself against your backside. He starts dancing with you, like really dancing with you. He wasn’t the embarrassed man who referred to himself as a giraffe the first time you went dancing with him. You wondered if this was what he was like in college, if he would grind with girls to show them what he had, and bring them home with him. You shake the thought from your head, and move against him in perfect rhythm. He turns your around to face him, his hands slipping down to your butt. You wrap your arms around his neck, and dance on him. He’s dying to know your college stories. You seem like such a good girl, but maybe not, and he wanted to hear all about it.

In a bold move, almost forgetting where you were, you grab hold of his collar, and yank his face down to yours, kissing him. He puts his hands on your face, and pulls you in for a deeper kiss, while your hands go on his hips. Your tongue is instantly in his mouth, and he tastes like tequila. He was so incredibly sexy, and you were extremely turned on. You hadn’t been able to do anything all week with your period in the way. You still pleasured him because you wanted to, but you missed his touch.

“Jesus, look at ‘em go.” Louis nudges Niall, taking a break from the dancing.

“You know, I’ve only ever seen them kiss in public once, and it was nothin’ like that.”

“He’s really into her, huh?”

“He asked her to be his girlfriend three weeks in.”

“Wow, yup, he’s got it bad. Wonder what it is?”

“She’s just…a good person. Instant connection.”

“Good for the lad, he deserves a good woman.”

Harry breaks your kiss, as he remembered where you are. If you were anyone else, he would take you and lead you to the bathroom, press you against the wall, and take you from behind. But he couldn’t do that with you, not yet anyways.  He leaves you to dance with your friends, and you catch him dancing with Louis and Niall. You can’t help but take your phone out and take a quick video of the occasion. You and your friends take selfies and videos of yourselves. You’re still in awe of Harry, having more fun that you had ever seen him have. Louis brought out an exceptional mood in him. It was funny to see the three of them sing along to the same song, wondering what Harry’s singing voice might sound like.

The party slowly dissipated, but not before you and Harry were deemed best costumes. You didn’t win anything, but the bragging rights were nice. You offered to help clean up, but Sarah told you she would help Niall. Harry was in deep conversation with Louis while you went to grab your coats. They were looking at Louis’ phone and snickering like children. You smile and hand Harry his coat.

“Lou, I’m gonna go get settled in the guest room, night Harry.” Eleanor said.

“You’re stayin’ here?”

“Yeah, hotel was too expensive. What are you up to tomorrow, was hoping to just have lunch with the lads.”

“I can definitely do that.” Harry turns to you. “You don’t mind right?”

“Not at all, babe.”

“Just text me tomorrow, mate.” The two hug, and Harry hooks an arm around your waist. “Oi, Niall!” Harry yells.

“What?” He yells from the kitchen.

“Great party mate, I’ll be by tomorrow.”

The cold air on the street slaps the two of you in the face.  You take your phone out to order an uber as Harry holds you from behind, humming into your hair. You had never seen him quite so drunk before. Usually you were the one that was drunk while he was perfectly fine. You were still buzzed, but you were nowhere near where he was. You lost count of how many shots he had actually taken. You just knew he consumed a lot of tequila.

The uber pulls up pretty quickly, and you both climb in. You keep an arm around Harry, and he rests his head against your shoulder, still humming some song you can’t quite make out. You key into his apartment, and immediately take your shoes off. He watches you walk into the bathroom. You really needed to pee, and you needed to wash off that black make up on your nose. You take your dog ears off, but leave everything else on. He’s by the sink drinking some water when you return.

“Didja have fun tonight baby?” He asks you, guzzling down the water.

“Yes, babe, don’t drink that so fast, it’ll upset your stomach.”

“Aw, are ya gonna take care of me tonight?” He says in the sweetest voice. “Treat me like your l’il baby?”

“Do you want to be treated like a baby?” You raise an eyebrow at his funny words.

“Not particularly.” He slurs. “Did you know that I love babies?”

“Yes, you’ve told me before, remember? You like shooting maternity photos for people.”

“You know, I really do.”

“I’m glad you had fun tonight. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh so much.”

“S’not true.” He pouts. “You make me laugh all the time.”

“It’s okay, Harry. I have fun with my friends when we haven’t seen each other in a while too. You and Louis looked like you were having a great time.”

“We were, he’s really my best mate. Niall is too, the three of us are like the three amigos.”

“So I saw. It was funny watching you three dance together.”

“It was just like being in uni again. Everyone always wanted to come to our parties, we threw the best parties (y/n).”

“I believe it.”

“Are you mad?”

“What? No, of course not, why would I be?”

“Because I drank a lot more than I should have. I was supposed to get ya home.”

“But you did, the uber was just fine.”

“Let’s go sit on the couch, yeah?” He grabs you by the wrist and pulls you towards the couch. Before you can sit down he looks you up down. “Where’d ya nose go?”

“Washed it off.” You shrugged.

“This is such a sexy outfit, have I told ya that yet tonight?”

“Maybe once or twice.” You giggle. “But it’s always nice to hear.” He pulls you close to him, and pats your bum.

“You have the best ass I have ever seen, have I ever told you that?” You feel your cheeks flush. He was starting to get fresh. You slip your hands to his butt to mimic what he’s doing to you.

“I could say the same about you.” Giving one of his cheeks a little pinch, he jumps back a half inch.

“Oi, if you do that again, we’re going to have a problem.”

“Oh really?”

You start pinching at him again, and he starts to tickle you, making a ghastly laugh come from you. You slap your hand over your mouth, but he pulls it away. You try to tickle him back, and you end up chasing him around his little apartment. He picks you up from behind, swinging you around, making you squeal. He puts you down on the bed, he hops over you and lays on his back, he looks at you and taps his legs. You get the idea and crawl on top of him, straddling his legs.

“I’d like this to come off ya now.” He slips your straps off your shoulders. “If that’s alright with you.”

You lean up, and put your arms through the straps. You push the material down only a little, causing Harry to pout for the millionth time tonight.

“I’m not wearing a bra with this.”

“I know.”

“I like when you take your time with me.”

Harry sits up against the headboard so you can sit on him easier. He brings his mouth to your jaw, and kisses down your neck. He sinks his teeth in where he always does. The skin must be raw there with how often he kisses you in that spot. He licks over it to soothe you, and kisses down your chest. His hands move up to your breasts, and kneads them through the material. He looks up at you for approval, and you nod yes. One hand moves to the back of the jumpsuit, and un zips the small zipper so he can easily tug the material down. Your breasts pop out, and he looks like a kid in candy store. Sloppy wet kisses cover your chest instantly. He sucks on your left breast, and you groan with your head rolling back. He take the piercing between his teeth and he twists it. You roll your hips on him involuntarily.

“You like that?” He coos. You nod your head. “Use your words baby.”

“Yes, I like that.” You say through your teeth, as he continues to suck on your tender nipple. Your hands go straight into his hair and rake over his scalp, causing him to moan while he sucks on you.

“I gotta get his off of ya, please will you let me?”

“Yes, but you have to take yours off too.”

You hope off the bed, and he does the same. You take his shirt off him, and push his shorts down his legs, careful to leave his boxers on. Your jumpsuit falls off, pooling at your feet, and revealing a white lace thong. Harry furrows his eyebrows.

“You, you were wearing this all night?”

“Um, yeah?”

He takes you, and gently bends you over the bed. You rubs a hand over your ass. You half expect him to spank you, but he knows better, he knows you don’t want that. A finger dips into the material, and he plays with it for a moment.

“Your ass looks amazing right now.” You start giggling. “What?”

“I can’t tell if you’re an ass man or a tit man. You seem to really like both.” You say looking back at him.

“If it’s a part of your body, then I like it.” He puts both hands on your ass and kneads your cheeks. “This is just pure perfection.” He leans forward to press himself against you. He’s so hard against you, it makes you push back into him. “(y/n), can we try something different tonight?”

“Harry”, you stand up to face him, taking his hands in yours. This was a dreaded question. Selfishly, you liked things how they were. You knew he wanted to feel every inch of you, but you were still working through things at therapy, and you just couldn’t let him touch you like that yet. You sigh, feeling awful. “I’m so sorry, I’m just not ready for-“ You’re cut off by his hands on your face and his mouth on yours.

“I didn’t mean, doing more. I just had a different position in mind. I’m not ever going to suggest anything more until you say so.” He reassures her.

“Alright, what did you have in mind?”

“Well, first, how would you feel about sitting on my face?” Your eyes nearly pop out. That wasn’t something you did often. Even though his head had been between your legs countless time, sitting on his face just seemed really vulnerable. But you’d be lying if you said it didn’t turn you on. To ride his face, to be so in control of the situation.

“Yeah, we could try that. What was the second?”

“Hm?”

“You said first, what’s the second position?”

“Let’s just try this, and then I’ll bring that up.” He says with a grin.

“Okay, but, let’s turn the lights off.” You point the switch on the wall, and he flicks it off.

“Take your panties off baby.”

You slide the thong off and toss it on the floor. He leaves his boxers on for now. Harry lays on the bed, right next to you. Your breathing felt heavy as you crept your way up to him.

“Don’t be shy, love. You’re so beautiful, I’m dying to see you from this angle.”

With his words of encouragement, you swung your leg over him, and lowered yourself onto his face. You were already dripping for him. The second he started sucking on your nipples you were a goner. Harry started to suck on your clit, and you grabbed at his headboard. You let out a breathless moan at the way he nibbled and sucked on your most sensitive area. You sunk down on him a little, and he moved his mouth to your warm, dripping center. His tongue lapped around you for a moment, but went up inside you so you could ride him. His hands moved to your hips and gently rocked you. You started to move yourself slowly against his face. His little bit of stubble adding the perfect amount of friction. Before you knew it, you were grinding down on him back and forth, riding his tongue. Your moans started to get louder and louder, clutching at the headboard, trying to pinch your legs together, looking for some release. But his hands on your thighs kept your legs open. You didn’t know if it was the different angle, or the fact that you were so in control, but you were feeling amazing. You loved looking down seeing him under you like this. You rocked faster on him, a thumb moving to rub your clit. That’s when you knew you were done for.

“Oh, fuck, Harry! Fuck!” You moaned out, over and over. “I’m goonnnnaaa, ahhh…” You came, hard on his tongue. He slowly sucked on you so you could ride your high out. He lifted you off of him, and he wipes his face. His chest was heaving up and down, and slowly he steadied it. He looked up at you and smiled.

“That was so hot, did you like it?”

“Yeah, it felt incredible. So, um…” You knew you weren’t done with him yet. “What was the other position?”

“Eager?”

“Curious.”

“I want to do that to you, while you do it to me.” You furrow your eyebrows for a second, putting two and two together. A slight squeak leaving your mouth.

“Are you asking me to 69?” He nods at you.

“Would you feel comfortable with that?”

“Well, would you have to eat me out…like from behind?”

“Yup.” He’s so comfortable with it. You weren’t sure if you wanted to have your ass in his face like that. You also didn’t want him accidentally licking your asshole or something. “If you don’t want to it’s okay, I just thought it might be fun to do that at the same time.”

“Well, we can try, and if I feel weird we’ll stop.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

You reach down and tug at his boxers. He lifts his hips up so you can bring them down his legs, tossing them aside. You wanted him in your mouth, that wasn’t the problem. You also didn’t want to be that close to his asshole either. He probably didn’t care because he was still intoxicated. You stare at his dick, it is absolutely throbbing for you, this snaps you out of any concern.

“Right, so it’s a little easier if we both lay on our side.” Confirmation that he’s done this before, wonderful. You want to roll your eyes at him, but you know he didn’t mean anything by the comment.

You lay on your left side, eyeing his dick that has begun to leak at the tip. You feel him move between your legs, as you stroke your thumb over his tip. His mouth is on you again, and you moan out that different sensation you’re getting from having him lick you from the opposite direction. You put on hand on his hip, and the other on his dick. You start out with just the tip in your mouth while your hand worked his base. You feel Harry groan into you, causing you to moan with him in your mouth. You had never done something quite so erotic. He licked you quicker and quicker, as you bobbed your head, taking more of him into your mouth. He rocks his hips into you as you do to him, you’re way more turned on than you thought you’d be. His chin is rubbing against your clit as his tongue goes back inside you.

“Ahh, shit!” You say with him in your mouth, taking him deeper. You feel him hit the back of your throat as he rocks into you, and you choke on him for a second. He stops to see if you’re alright. “Fuck, don’t stop Harry!” You say pumping just for a moment before wrapping your swollen lips around him again.

You felt your stomach tighten and you knew your release was coming. You could feel tears streaming down your cheeks from having his cock so deep down your throat, but you loved the way he tasted. Neither of you warn each other, just as you’re releasing on his tongue, his hot come comes shooting to the back of your throat. You take as much of it into your mouth as you can, but you need to moan out from your high. You cough up some of his come back on his dick, and you try to catch your breath. Harry turns his body so he’s fully laying on his back. You swallow what you can of the come that’s still in your mouth. You feel him yank at your arm, and he pulls you up, so you’re lying on his chest. He’s stroking your hair, trying to steady his breathing. His chest is laced with sweat.

“How, how did you like that?”

“It was different. But it felt amazing. I love the way it feels when you’re do that and you moan into me, it’s so hot Harry.” He moves to kiss you but you back away. “I should really go rinse my mouth out first.”

“It doesn’t bother me.” His pupils are still blown out. You look at his dick, it’s twitching, could it really be getting hard again? “Lemme kiss ya.”

“Please, I just want to rinse my mouth out, hold on a sec.” You quickly go to the bathroom, and rinse your mouth out. You’re back to the bed quick, just like you said. “See? Okay, now I’ll kiss you.”

You lean down and kiss him, slightly tasting yourself on his lips, but it’s not a big deal. He sucks on your bottom lip, biting it pretty good, and you groan. Your hands are in his hair in seconds, pulling at it. He wraps his arms around you, and pulls you on top of him. You keep your lower half hovering over him, not wanting to make contact.

“Please, I’m so hard again, please touch me.” He says against your lips.

“I thought when guys drank like this they had a hard time getting it up.” You say taking him into your small hand, giving him slow pumps.

“It has the opposite effect on me, god that feels good.”

You pump him until he’s panting. You loved the sight of his parted lips, and the way his hands grabbed all over your body.

“(y/n), can I please come on your ass?” You’re surprised at him.

“Um, sure.” You squeak.

You get off him quickly and lay on your stomach. He grips himself in one hand, and puts the other on your hip. He pulls you up slightly so your butt is more in the air. You hear him moan out, and it nearly makes you come again. Sensing this, at the sight of you squeezing your legs together, Harry reaches around to rub your clit, careful to only use his thumb.

“Fuck!” You scream out, feeling your third release of the night come at the same you feel his hot come spread all over of your back and butt. You nearly collapse on the mattress. You hear the bed creak, and watch as Harry saunters to the bathroom, coming back with a towel. He wipes you clean, and you turn over, amazed by him and what his simple touch does to you. You know you need to get up to pee, if you don’t you’ll regret it. He puts on a clean pair of boxers, and watches you go into the bathroom. You’re still crazy wet. A mix of you and him. You almost feel bad having to wipe it all away, but no guy will ever be worth having a UTI for.

“Here, wanna wear my shirt? You always look so cute in my clothes.” He coos, holding up a t-shirt. You happily take it and put it on. You get back on the bed with him, and he hugs you close to his bare chest. “You did so good baby, so good. You were amazing.” He rubs your back. You loved the way he always tried to make you feel better. It’s not like you were having BDSM, it’s not like he slapped you around. It wasn’t like you needed time to come back to him. But he knew you were always after doing something new or different.

“It was really nice, Harry. A good suggestion.” You snuggle into him, and he puts the comforter over the both of you. “Thank you for always being so nice to me.” You knew he’d be rougher with you if you let him. You knew if you said the word, you’d let him raw you over his desk. That was the thing with him though. He always asked for permission, and he didn’t do anything unless you said so.