#maybe she screamed in a bathroom stall for 5 seconds after this

[glittter-skeleton]

Steph can just do shit like that huh

[gremlintheslut]

Forever theirs

Redone

Chapters 4, 4.5 and 5

(i wanted to make up for missing 2 posts but i would of posted 4 and 4.5 together so heres 3 chapters)

Master list

Chapter 4 safe?

Finn thrusts in and out at an inhuman pace. I feel the coil in my stomach tighten for the 9th time today. We have been doing it like rabbits in my boss's office all day. Then I hear a timer go off. "home time baby girl" Balor utters against my neck and before I know it I'm in well... Somewhere else.

We're laying down on silk sheets, the place looks like a sex dungeon and my mind is going a million miles an hour. "calm down we're at my place" he says as he continues to fuck me. I nod my head and try to focus on how good I feel but the weird stomach feeling is back.

A part of me wants to tell him to stop or to take us to my house but nothing will come out of my mouth. The coil in my tummy finally breaks and I come undone for the 9th time. Next thing I know Finn is painting my walls with his seed. He pulls out and lay beside me. "I know I probably should have asked before I took us here but I think you will have a lot of fun here," he says and I look at all of the toys surrounding us.

I know what he says is true as my eyes lock onto a toy I recognize. "not today baby get some rest your gonna need it for tomorrow" he chuckles before getting up and returning a little while later with a washcloth.

After cleaning me up he kisses me and climbs into bed next to me. "I'll never take another client again" he whispers. I don't know what to say. Obviously he means not me included. I decide to stay silent and try to fall asleep. It's hard to ignore his previous words but after a few minutes, we fall asleep but I can't help but feel upset when I wake up.

I'm home. In my bed. Alone. He has left and I wonder if he tricked me into thinking he cared so he could fuck me and leave. His euphoric effects are quickly canceled out by anxiety and fear. My head is still foggy but I'm no where near happy. this has never happened so quickly before i never knew the euphoria could leave so fast. I Get ready for work and check the date to make sure it wasn't all a dream. it wasn't. All of it was real and I guess I'll find out if he really cares today.

He hasn't gone a single day without popping up and fucking me or at least trying to. When I get to work I'm shocked that my boss isn't waiting for me so she can ridicule me. Then I'm even more shocked to find out that everyone is looking for her.

The last time anyone heard from her was yesterday when I was in her office for half the day with the door locked. The only excuse I can think of is that she was screaming at me for violating the dress code and wouldn't let me flaunt myself around the office so I had to stay with her the whole day.

I told everyone that story and that she looked pale and she might be sick and being her normal bitchy self by ignoring everone. The whole day I can't stop thinking about what Finn said. He was sure she wouldn't be back soon. What did he say to her? What did he do? Those thoughts distract me for most of the day until I leave my desk to go to the bathroom. Usually, Finn would pop up and try to have a quickie in a stall but he doesn't.

He hasn't shown up at all today. Or maybe he has and I haven't noticed. No. I would know. he hates being ignored and he wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't notice he was there. Wait. He hates being ignored. This could just be pay back for not saying anything last night.

Then the tears fall as i think of how stupid i was to say yes. Then i know this isn't pay back. If he wasn't a liar than he woupd pop up to comfort me. He'd never want to make me this sad. I was right. He used me and now my boss is missing and people might think I did something to her. No one saw me or her leave. I am filled with anxiety, sadness, and confusion. I wipe the tears from my face and leave the bathroom.

Warning: omorashi(piss kink) there will be an alternate version after this

The second I sit back down I realize that I didn't pee and I need to go pretty badly. The office is full and everyone would notice if I got back up. I sit silently squeezing my thighs together. The need gets worse and worse but my shift is almost over and it is nowhere near an acceptable time to go back to the bathroom.

I might actually piss myself on the walk home. I check the time and I can finally leave. "hey y/n can you stay a little longer?!" I hear the co-worker that's covering for my boss call out. "no!" I reply quite loudly and scramble to the door.

I get out of the building and begin to run. Then I leak. A decent-sized wet patch is left on my panties and I'm forced to slow down. At this point, it's dribbling out of me and I hobble as fast as I can into the ally I use as a shortcut. Another spurt comes out and it goes down my legs.

Then I bump into someone knocking me down and making me lose control for a few seconds. I'm sure there's a wet patch on the butt of my skirt. "you alright there love?" I hear a very familiar voice say. One I've been wanting to hear all day but suddenly want to be left alone by.

He's been watching I know he has, he always does before he pops up. There's no way he doesn't know I'm about to piss myself. He grabs me by the arm and pulls me up. He is holding most of my body weight as my legs are shaking and I can't keep myself up. My face is red and I grab onto the wall with one hand and push Finn away with the other.

He lets me and steps aside as he watches me try not to release the liquid in my bladder in front of him. I keep trying to hobble down the ally with my hand pressed hard against my cunt eyes glued to the ground.

He creeps up behind me and grabs my right leg bringing my knee to chest height. I use both of my hands to hold myself. But he moves his hand from underneath my knee and replaces it with his inner elbow. Now both his hands are free he can restrain me properly. "no" I whimper out as I lose control again for a few seconds but I can barley gain control. There's a mini puddle growing beneath me.

I hear a chuckle in front of me and I look up. There are three people in front of us watching me piss myself slowly. 2 men and 1 woman. The woman gets up from the crate she was sitting on and walks towards me. She has a big grin on her face as she stares at my terrified one. She has sharp fangs and I know immediately she is Rhea. I take notice of the fact she's as pale as a ghost.

She puts her hand out and her fingers poke at my bulging bladder. Her smile widens her fangs more visible as she watches drops of piss go down my leg and into the puddle. I can hear the 2 men laughing at me but I'm too scared to look at them. I can hear Finn laughing at me too.

I squirm and whine as she puts more pressure on my bladder. I can tell they love what they see but I haven't gotten a single confirmation from Finn that I am safe. I think about my missing boss for a second before I'm brought back by the feeling and the tall woman's palm squeezing my bladder.

I lose control fully and for 2 whole minutes, I pissed and moaned at the relief. Whilst They all laugh at me.

Words-1408

Chapter 4.5 safe? Alt

Finn thrusts in and out at an inhuman pace. I feel the coil in my stomach tighten for the 9th time today. We have been doing it like rabbits in my boss's office all day. Then I hear a timer go off. "home time baby girl" Balor utters against my neck and before I know it I'm in well... Somewhere else.

We're laying down on silk sheets, the place looks like a sex dungeon and my mind is going a million miles an hour. "calm down we're at my place" he says as he continues to fuck me. I nod my head and try to focus on how good I feel but the weird stomach feeling is back.

A part of me wants to tell him to stop or to take us to my house but nothing will come out of my mouth. The coil in my tummy finally breaks and I come undone for the 9th time. Next thing I know Finn is painting my walls with his seed. He pulls out and lay beside me. "I know I probably should have asked before I took us here but I think you will have a lot of fun here," he says and I look at all of the toys surrounding us.

I know what he says is true as my eyes lock onto a toy I recognize. "not today baby get some rest your gonna need it for tomorrow" he chuckles before getting up and returning a little while later with a washcloth.

After cleaning me up he kisses me and climbs into bed next to me. "I'll never take another client again" he says. For a moment I'm shocked. Obviously he means me excluded. I don't know what to say so I jsut try to fall asleep. Of course it's hard to ignore his previous words but after a few minutes, we fall asleep but I can't help but feel upset when I wake up.

I'm home. In my bed. Alone. He has left and I wonder if he tricked me into thinking he cared so he fuck me and leave. The euphoric feeling he gave me is quickly canceled out by anxiety. My head us still foggy from it but I'm no where near happy. I never knew the euphoric feeling could leave so fast. I Get ready for work and check the date to make sure it wasn't all a dream it wasn't. All of it was real and I guess I'll find out if he really cares today. He hasn't gone a single day without popping up and fucking me or at least trying to.

When I get to work I'm shocked that my boss isn't waiting for me so she can ridicule me. Then I'm even more shocked to find out that everyone is looking for her. The last time anyone heard from her was yesterday when I was in her office for half the day with the door locked. The only excuse I can think of is that she was screaming at me for violating the dress code and wouldn't let me flaunt myself around the office so I had to stay with her the whole day.

I told everyone that story and that she looked pale and she might be sick. The whole day I can't stop thinking about what Finn said. He was sure she wouldn't be back soon? What did he say to her? What did he do? Those thoughts distract me for most of the day until I leave my desk to go to the bathroom.

Usually, Finn would pop up and try to have a quickie in a stall but he doesn't. He hasn't shown up at all today. Or maybe he has and I haven't noticed. No. I would know he hates being ignored and he wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't notice he was there. Wait. He hates being ignored. This could just be pay back for ignoring him last night. No if it was pay back he'd be watching and he'd pop up when he noticed how upset i was.

Then the tears fall. I was right. He used me and now my boss is missing and people might think I did something to her. No one saw me or her leave. I am filled with anxiety, sadness, and confusion. I wipe the tears from my face and leave the bathroom.

The day passes slowly. I finally get to go home. The walk is lonely and I keep getting the weird stomach feeling. I turn into the alleyway where all of this bullshit started and I fight off the urge to turn around and take the long way home. Then arms wrap around my waist. "miss me, princess?" the Irish voice reaches my ears and for a second I am happy before I remember everything about today.

I want to pry his hands off and slap him. Then a second set of hands rest on my shoulders. I look up and see a tall unfamiliar woman. "I have been dying to meet you, sweetheart," she says staring into my eyes and smiling. I can see fangs where 2 normal teeth should be and i know this is rhea. I feel one hand leave my shoulder but I am too afraid to look at what it's doing. 

A wet cloth is then placed over my mouth and I try to hold my breath. I feel lightheaded and I am forced to breathe in. Then I feel relaxed and weightless. My knees buckle and the 2 sets of arms catch me. I am slightly aware of 2 other people standing near us. I close my eyes and they dont open for a while.

Words-933

Chapter 5 unknown and uneasy

I wake up in a small dark room. It's cold but not freezing. I can feel eyes watching me but my body is so sore from sleeping on concrete I don't bother to look. I have been kidnapped. By a demon. of all things a demon. I can't leave. I probably never will.

"I know you awake," a deep voice says unlike Finn's from the corner. I turn my head and look at the man. He's tall as fuck and hairy too. if there was any chance of me getting out of here there isn't now. "what do you want?" I snap. There's no point in being nice they're going to kill me.

"Excuse you?" fangs on the top and bottom if his mouth show. he stares at me and I shrink back. The words 'I'm sorry' get so close to leaving my mouth but I stop them. He continues to stare at me expecting an apology. I turn my head away from his cold frightening eyes. He scoffs at me astonished that I had the nerve to not answer.

I hear him leave his spot in the corner. "let me rephrase that for you-" he grabs me by the hair pulling my sore limbs up. I grab at his hands and he swats me away with the other hand his slightly overly long nails scratching me. "apologize. or. regret. it." he says through his teeth. "I'm sorry" my voice wavers. "I won't say anything like that again." he drops me to the floor. "good bitch" I can hear the smile in his voice.

"This is how this is gonna work," he says grabbing my arm his nails scratching me again and pulling me up. He turns me to face him and he squats down in front of me. "you call me sir or daddy nothing fucking else got it?" he says sternly I nod my head. He grabs a hand full of my hair. "Got. it?!" he says louder. "yes" I squeak. He pulls harder. "yes who?!" he yells in my face and I flinch away. "yes sir" he lets go of my hair.

"you've met Finn properly, i guess you met Rhea but you still need to meet dom" he says "is rhea the woman I saw the other night?" He slaps me in the face. "that's not what you fucking call her you hear me?" he says. "yes sir" I repeat the same phrase from before. "you call her mommy, you call Finn master and you call dom Papi," he says and I nod my head to show him I'm listening.

"you can call any of us daddy we know you're into that," referring to the fact I'm a little. They must have been stalking me. They wouldn't have to for long before they figured it out but still. I can feel my face get hot and I look at the ground. They don't want to kill me. Do they?

I'm hesitant to ask. "sir?" "yes sweetheart?" my stomach churns at the nickname. "are you going to kill me?" I ask the question. He chuckles. "we don't want to. We really don't but, if you become a problem we can't just take you home" I look at the ground again. He puts 2 fingers under my chin and lifts my head. "we'll take good care of you" he says. Then he leans in and kisses me. I don't kiss back. I don't pull away I'm too scared to.

This is my life now. All the way until the end this is what it will be like. My eyes glass over with tears. When he pulls away he sees my fear and looks at me disappointed and seemingly disgusted. I try not to let the tears fall. I really do. But they fall. I cover my mouth with my hand as i begin to sob. But when Damian sees this he does something unexpected. He sits down, pulls me into his lap, and hugs me. HUGS. ME.

I'm sorry but what the actual fuck is going on. I cry harder and try to pull away. He holds me still and shush's me. Then the door opens.

Words-732

I know this is the shortest chapter yet sorry love ya-gremlin💞💋💗

[ramp-it-up]

Fine

Pairing: Rafel Casal x Reader

Word count: 2Kish.

Warnings: SMUT, 18+, MINORS DNI, CURATE YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE! Dark Dom!Rafa, Daveed dancing, drinking, cursing, angst, possessiveness, ex sex, face slapping, bathroom sex, fingering, oral (f receiving) clit slapping, orgasm denial, bdsm, binding, lashing, gagging oral (m receiving).

Summary: You didn’t need Rafa anymore. You were just fine without him.

A/N: This is a little dark. I think I’ve used this pic of Rafa before, but it’s perfect for this fic. And btw, I’m on my Rafael Santiago Casal Bullshit. Watch out.

-----------

It had been 84 days and you were perfectly fine.

Out with your girls, you were wearing your freakum dress, getting plenty of attention and drinks.

You were fine.

So fine, that you were debating on which fine man to go home with. You surveyed the room for your pick. They’d all bought you a drink. You were polite, drank with them and told them you’d get back with them. You were trying to decide.

The chocolate one with the light eyes and the razor sharp fade?

The light skin with the gap teeth and hella swag?

The beefy blonde with the buzz cut?

You downed your fifth drink and moved towards those pretty gap teeth and swag.

Someone tall stepped in front of your 5” 6” frame in heels. You zigged and they zagged, blocking you from your goal.

You sighed and looked up at them, ready to politely ask that they move or cuss them out. It just depended on how their face made you feel.

You looked up to see Daveed and you squealed.

“DIGGS! HOLY FUCK IS THAT YOUUUU????”

He smiled and laughed at you.

“The one and only. What’s crackin’ girl?” He leaned back and surveyed your form in the dress.

“Damn! You’re still fine as hell!” He was shaking his head.

You threw yourself at him, your short body almost knocking his big lanky ass over with your over zealous buzzness. He laughed and hugged you more, leading you away from the bar.

“Where’s my girl?” You looked around for Daveed’s other half.

“She’s across country at a gig. I miss my Lady.” Daveed’s pout was adorable.

“Awwww, po baby. I’m gonna have to tell her to give you some electronic lovin.’” You started to pull out your phone.

“Oh, don’t bother. She already knows what’s up. Come dance with me.”

Daveed had turned into Mr. Smiley, and as usual, you couldn’t resist him. But you loved to tease.

“Boy, you know you can’t dance.”

“Fuck you mean????” Daveed started doing a very ugly robot.

“Fine! Let’s dance, ugh!”

You groaned and grabbed his hand to pull him out on the floor before he could embarrass himself, and you, any further.

Y’all had a ball, laughing and trying to talk to each other over the loud music, Daveed white girl dancing and you trying to teach him some moves.

After about four songs, the music turned slow and you two stood there awkwardly.

“Well, I guess I’ll go….”

You looked around to see if High Yella was still around.

Daveed’s eyes were above your head and the hair on the back of your neck stood up.

“May I have this dance?”

FUCK fuck fuck fuck fuck.

You turned around, and came face to face with Rafael Casal. Damn he was so fine.

You cocked your hip and crossed your arms, and glared up at him, mad because you felt like this was a trap.

Rafa stared at your pushed up breasts in the dress and your nipples pebbled as he licked his lips wolfishly.

You avoided the memories of Rafael’s excellent nipple play looked back at Daveed for rescue to see that Rafa’s wingman had suddenly disappeared.

You turned your head back to Rafa, the swivel in your neck obvious.

“I should have known that you would be lurking around here somewhere.”

You rolled your eyes, super annoyed and full of attitude.

And that’s why Rafa’s dick was on hard. He needed to give you some act right.

He’d watched you promise your body to every dude in the place with that fucking dress and lead them on. He needed to remind you whose it was.

Fuck that he’d given you the ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ months ago.

You belonged to him.

“I don’t lurk, Sweet Pea, I flow. And yeah, you know Diggs is the Yin to my Yang, and vice versa.”

Rafa was speaking low enough that you had to lean in, and you caught his scent. Fuck if you weren’t thrown back 83 days to the last time you’d let him take you apart and literally screw you back together.

That dick was an artistic masterpiece, just like everything about Rafael Casal.

But you were fine.

“You have some nerve, calling me Sweet Pea. Fuck you, Santiago.”

You were heated, and maybe it’s because you wanted some act right. You cursed your pussy’s muscle memory and the five drinks you had that were making you weak for him. Because other than that, you’d be fine.

“Maybe later.” He smirked at you, so damn cocky.

“So, are you gonna stand in the middle of the dance floor and cuss me out, or are you gonna move to the music with me?”

Rafa held out his arms and you looked around, pretending that you didn’t want to be encircled by them again. But you couldn’t be rude, right?

You stepped to him and he put his hands around your waist and crossed them behind you, pulling you flush to him. You stared at his lips as you felt him look down at you.

You didn’t dare look into his eyes, but this view was making you remember what that mouth do.

Shit.

Rafa cleared his throat.

“So, how have you been?”

You looked over his shoulder to the speakers on the stage.

“These past three months have been fine, just fine, Rafael. My life is so zen now. I’m happy.”

“Not quite three months, Sweet Pea. 83 days and 14 hours. And I’ve missed you like crazy.”

You looked up into his eyes when he said that. Oh, hell.

“Oh. Did you now?” You were hot.

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you broke up with me the morning after you fucked me goodbye, you self centered narcissist asshole.”

You tried to leave his embrace, but Rafa slid his hands around to hold you fast, thumbs digging into your hip bones, hurting you. At the same time, his grip caused you to feel his desire pressed against your stomach.

You gasped and slapped his face. Hard.

You two stared at each other on the dance floor for a full ten seconds which seemed like forever.

The next thing you knew, you were being pushed up against the stall in the bathroom, the act of Rafa pulling you in there a total blur.

It always started like this, rough, fast, and hot.

Rafa’s hands were under the hem of your dress, dragging it up so that he could grab your panties and pull them down.

“You seem to have forgotten lesson number one. Whose pussy is this, Sweet Pea?”

You refused to answer and closed your eyes, memories of him seducing you just by teaching your fucking Poetry 201 course years ago flooding your brain.

He shook his head and knelt on the filthy floor as he removed and pocketed your thong.

“You prolonging your submission just prolongs the punishment, Sweet Pea. Is that what you need tonight?”

He licked a stripe up your leg and slung it on his shoulder, rutting into your pussy with his mouth.

Your protest at him stealing your clothing died on your lips and was replaced by a moan as Rafael’s skillful tongue started to swirl around your clit, while his fingers came up to roughly finger fuck your cunt.

“Damn, Rafa.”

You moaned and pulled his hair as his other hand came up to try and still your squirming on his face.

“Shut up and stay still, damnit.”

He spoke to you through your pussy, and your eyes rolled back in your head as the vibrations drove you crazy.

You tugged harder on his hair, which made him graze your clit with his teeth. Then, he laved it with his tongue and leaned back to look at it adoringly and then up at you.

You stared down at him, and watched his face glisten with your arousal. Then you caught his look. He sighed at your insolence.

“Fine. You know the drill. This is going to be payback.”

Before you could move, Rafa reached up and lovingly swirled three fingers around and around your clit, then slapped it three times.

You screamed, thankful that the club music was back to a loud cacophony.

He looked at you again, smiling that fucking smile.

“You wanna cum all over my face, Sweet Pea? Want me to make you unravel right here?”

You refused to answer him, but you both knew what was up. Rafa just chuckled at you, and leaned back in to devastate you with his mouth.

He flattened his tongue and took wide, languid strokes against your clitoris, keeping eye contact with you.

You were on fire, all nerves alive and reacting to what he was doing. He inserted two fingers inside you and curled them so precisely to that spot that always made you wonder if he was present at the engineering of your pussy.

You quivered, eyes squeezed shut and tears eaking out, so close to doing what he’d asked you about and bracing for it. Your muscles were taught, your feet were on tiptoe, even further than your 5 inch heels required, and you were holding your breath.

As soon as you felt you were about to gush into his mouth, suddenly, his warm tongue was replaced with cool air, and his fingers withdrew from your cunt.

“Arrghhhh! Cash! Fucking hell????”

He stood up, licking his fingers as he turned away from you, washed his hands and face, and used the water on them for his hair.

You were quivering with rage and desire. As you fixed your mouth to cuss him out, he spoke, calmly.

“You better not fucking move until I’m done.”

Rafa’s ice blue/green eyes in the mirror, and the tone, made you stand stock still, your dress still around your waist. Your pussy throbbed with excitement.

He finished the swoop, then turned back around to you, straightened your panties and pulled your dress down.

Then, he grabbed your face, pushing you against the stall again. His voice was menacing and cold.

“That’s just the beginning of your punishment for slapping me out there.”

You were dripping on the floor now. You wanted to hear what was next, despite yourself. No one could destroy and put you back together as eloquently as Rafael could.

Fuck, how you’d missed it. You were so wound up.

“If you want me to finish it, you know what to do. If you’re done…”

His eyes took in your face. So fucking beautiful.

“Well, goodbye Sweet Pea.”

He leaned in, and gave you a kiss, releasing your face and his hold on you. You moaned a little and put your arms around his neck, reveling in the tenderness while wanting the pain.

You whimpered as he pulled away, backed toward the door and walked out.

You went to the sink and put a cold paper towel on your neck, fixing your makeup and hair and getting your mind right.

You looked in the mirror. You were fine. You didn’t need what Rafael Casal had to offer.

You made a decision, straightened up and walked out of the bathroom.

----

An hour and a half later, you were in Rafael’s bedroom, naked on your knees, hands tied around your back, the lashes on your ass throbbing, gagging around his cock and praying that he’d let you breathe before you passed out.

You didn’t need Rafa.

But you wanted him.

And that was more than fine.

———

I hope it was fine for you! 😜

Tagging:

@sillyteecup @ohsoverykeri  @theselilwonders @theatrenerd86 @sebastianabucknettastan @imatyoursurrvicesurr @riiyy @ivycomet @lonelydance @jbrizzywrites @biafbunny @summerofsnowflakes @anh1020 @honeysucklechocolatedrippin @delaber @wreakhavoconmacroissantdiggs @janthonybitch @einfachniemand @elocinnicole @mysearchforgratification

[writersrealmbts]

Diamond Tears and Little Wings: Part 5

Description: You’re a fairy, taken in by BTS. You need lots of love and care, otherwise your light will fade and you turn to stone. Between the seven of them, you should never feel unloved. Right?

Warnings: N/A

Posted: 02/11/2021

Tags: bts x reader, ot7

Angst/Fluff/Angst: 3,846 words

A/N: Okay, I told you guys that I would be alternating between DTLW and Clearwater Springs, so here’s the proof. Anyway, two more parts after this!

Your fourth home in five years is what they told you this was. But you couldn’t remember any but this one.

So your heart was aching, and you always wanted to cry, but you never dared to do so. Something, someone’s, words, telling you that crying in front of strangers was dangerous kept echoing in your head. So you blinked away any tears that came, hugged your stuffed animal, and studied the area you would lived in.

It was a little cold, so you hugged your coat tighter to you. You’d been told by the other fairies that your coat was special, because it appeared to be designed exactly for your wings, which was rare. But none of them seemed to have any idea why you would have such a special coat, excepting the fact that maybe in the country you came from it was more normalized to have custom wing-slits.

It was completely normal to come away from a home with a stuffed animal, and clothing and jewelry that could shrink down. People liked dressing up fairies.

You played with your bracelet as you examined the cement floor, and the plain white walls, and the windows that weren’t quiet fully insulated but were full east and full west, respectively, and provided quite a bit of natural lighting. You had your own bathroom and kitchen area, and the laundry room was in the basement. The bed was a bit creaky, but the mattress seemed decent. You had a cute lamp on the side table, and they had a few books for you on a bookshelf that had the bottom shelf broken beside the side table.

There was shoebox bedroom on one of the shelves as well, very simple, with just a bed in it, but it was decorated carefully—though perhaps by their daughter. There was felt covering the floor and back wall, which would provide a little insulation for you. The outside was colored on, but you didn’t have a problem with that.

There was an old rug rolled off to one side that they said you could use, and a bar with some hangers already hanging on it and plastic drawers they said you could used for your clothing.

You looked at your suitcase, which was resting on the bed, then set your dog on top of it while you got the rug, unrolling it and placing it near your bed.

Your job there was to do their laundry and take care of the cat that their daughter wouldn’t let them get rid of, and to entertain their daughter now and then, and when you weren’t delivering the clean laundry or entertaining their daughter you were to stay in the basement bedroom. Simple enough.

The cat was a sweetheart and the laundry was quite simple with only three people to wash for. Laundry was tossed down the shoot daily and every Monday and Thursday you were to deliver their clean laundry before they awoke.

They weren’t cruel, or strict, just very structured and busy.

She was very kind and brought you groceries, even getting you exactly what you requested. You just had to leave a list with her laundry on Mondays, because Mondays were grocery days. She even spontaneously bought you a cake, and when you told her that the basement was a little cold for you, she found a nice heater for you that greatly improved things, and found some more blankets around the house for you. They were generally gone over the weekends, visiting a different set of grandparents each weekend, which left you and Cupcake, the cat, alone in the house to do as you pleased.

Those were the days you ventured down to the fairy market, which was a safe space for fairies and since you did get an allowance for doing the laundry, you could sometimes buy some special treats or things that you needed.

You weren’t a fan of the husband, which was fine, because he only seemed to come downstairs if he needed to check the water-heater (they were having issues with it and he was too stubborn to call whoever it was that professionally dealt with those things), or to ask you to do an emergency clean on a shirt or tie or slacks. It wasn’t that he was mean, or sleazy, or that he gave you bad vibes, he was just very grumpy and brisk. Cold.

And he hated the cat.

Plus you had the distinct feeling that if he found out about your diamond tears it would be a very bad thing. He was a greedy man, raising a greedy daughter.

But you had a CD player now, and you could find CD’s now and then at the fairy market, and the wife said you could use any CD’s you found in the basement.

Which was how you found your current favorite CD. You weren’t certain who the artists were because the disc hadn’t been in it’s proper case, but their songs were so nice. And you loved the one song.

So some days, when you had nothing to do but give the cat all the love it wanted, you just listened to that CD on repeat, singing words as though you’d known them before.

You did different crafts, and solved some of the abandoned puzzles from the storage room.

You improved your shoe-box, replacing the bed (it was a sponge, hard and weird to lay on) with a carefully arranged nest of fabrics and stuffing. Sometimes you stuck your stuffed dog into the shoebox and snuggled into that. The smells on it so familiar and foreign that it made you cry.

Which meant you had to find a place to hide your tears. Normally you just saved them and exchanged them at the fairy market—where the currency exchange fairy, Heidrun, just discretely nodded and added their value to your shopping card balance.

But one day she stopped you before you could leave, holding your hands. “You don’t look well, dear.”

“Fourth home,” You told her simply, shrugging. “It’s more of a job than a home. But I’m not…I’m not suffering. She always makes sure I have what I need and allows me a lot of freedom. I have the whole basement to myself, and I’m allowed in the side-yard at all times. She even encourages me to come here. And I have music to listen to. Actually, I found a CD I really like, but I don’t know what band they are because it doesn’t say on the disc.”

“Try Magnus, he knows everything going on in the music scene,” She told you, squeezing your hands. “And trying to hold onto whatever love you’ve got and are getting. It’s not healthy for our kind to go unloved.”

You nodded. “I’ll do that.”

Magnus did help you, granted, you had to sing a couple of the songs for him to find the right group, but once he did, he sent to you over to Frida with a request for BTS albums.

Frida nodded, pulling out several book-like things. “They’re super popular, but they’re also in a ton a magazines right now. They lost their fairy because of some scandal, and now they’re in a slump, but they’re also going on a world tour, so it can’t be that much of a slump. They’re actually coming to our stadium for a concert, which is cool. They’ve started putting up the posters already.”

You looked at the books, confused. “I thought you said they were albums?”

“They are. The CD’s are accompanied by a booklet of photos and the lyrics, photocards, and usually a poster.”

You blinked then picked up the biggest one, concerned and confused. “It’s…huge…and a box?”

She just snorted. “You want that one? It’s one of their more recent ones. Don’t have their newest yet, but I can see if I can get one for you.”

You nodded. “That’d be nice, but sure, I’ll…take this one for now.”

She nodded and swiped your card. “All yours, sweet-cheeks. Now, tell me how you get your hair that shiny.”

You grabbed your hair and shrugged. “I don’t know. I just wash it.”

“Not even fair,” She muttered, then turned to a new customer.

You went home after hitting a few more stalls, getting more craft things and some stuff for the kitty, hugging the album and wondering what awaited you inside.

Cupcake was waiting for you on your bed, sitting up and meowing loudly, stretching out a paw for you to take (which you did because why else teach him that trick) and then purring and arching into your hand.

“I know, I was gone for forever,” You scooped him up after successfully setting everything else down. “I bought some new music for us. You need a better name. A masculine name. You don’t respond to Cupcake anyway—not that I blame you. It’s a rather poor choice of a name for a cat, much less a tom.”

He just purred, climbing up onto your shoulders and riding there while you put away the few food items you had purchased and hopping onto the fridge while you started cooking your dinner.

You hummed as you tried to think of a different name for him, but after a moment you paused, wondering what song it was you were humming and why it was so familiar and yet so distant. So easy, but you couldn’t remember. You couldn’t remember the moment you stopped singing what the words were or how the song went, despite having reached the chorus. You could only remember the last words you sang.

You shook your head and went over, quickly opening the box to where the disc was in the album without seeing any sign of the pictures (Maybe a poster?) and then popping it into the player.

But it was worse than the first one, because you swore you knew each song. You had vague images in your head of people performing the songs. It hurt. It hurt to hear these songs because they were too familiar. Too familiar and yet so completely foreign that it was unfair.

The first one wasn’t too bad, but the second started really getting to you.

By the third song you were in tears.

By the chorus of the fourth song you were full-on sobbing on the bed.

The fifth song clashed so much with the sentiments of the previous two that it just broke you down further, and you had to turn it off before you started screaming at the empty space where the music should have come from.

You grabbed the photos from the album box after you had calmed down enough. Not bothering to try and remove the sticker, you slide the photos out and started flipping through the pages, horrified at the fact that they looked so achingly familiar and yet you had no idea who they were.

You tossed them back in the box and slammed it shut, eyes filled with tears.

But you must not have woken when someone came into the basement, because three days later the man was demanding to know where you got so many diamonds.

And fairies can’t lie.

Five days later you were staring out the window, a place you couldn’t go until you filled the box on your small counter space with diamonds. It wasn’t too large, but it was large enough that you were worried about whether you would ever fill it.

So you turned on the disc again, and cried. Cried until you were sick, and then collapsed into your bed. Exhaustedly petting the cat until you fell asleep, only to repeat it the next day. And the next.

When you finally filled it, you went straight to the market just to get some time away from the basement.

The shopkeepers from your regular stops came rushing up when they saw you, even Heidrun, all asking where you’d been and if you were okay and before you knew it you were sitting at one of the picnic tables with some soup and some tea and a bunch of worried fairies fussing over you.

Frida sat silently across from you, looking concerned but ultimately staring at the table.

Or so you thought, because she suddenly reached across the table and grabbed your bracelet. “Where did you get this?”

You blinked and tried to recoil, but couldn’t. “I don’t remember. I just figured it was from one of my previous homes.

Magnus frowned, looking at it. “It looks a lot like the one that…”

She nodded. “There’s something etched onto them. Fairy craftsmanship. Come over to my shop. Come on.”

You followed her, curious, and not wanting to let something you had a very strong attachment to out of your sight.

First she tried a jeweler’s eye loupe, then she wrinkled her nose and grabbed a flashlight, shining it through the gems and onto the table.

You stared down at it, confused.

“Something tells me your family didn’t give you up willingly,” Magnus said, voice a little tense.

Frida looked at you, as though she couldn’t believe it. “You’re the fairy that was taken away from BTS?”

You just looked back at her. “Um…is that what all of that means?”

“How did you like that album you bought?” She asked, eyes narrowed to slits.

You shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to think about how much you had used it to make yourself cry, because if you did then you knew she was right. And if she was right, then it would be even sadder.

“Weren’t the one that said that they couldn’t have been too sad about losing their fairy to be going on a world tour? Why would I want to be her?”

“No, they talked about it…it’s because they’re trying to find her. Find you. They didn’t say it explicitly because they could get in trouble for that, but they’ve hinted at it and there are tons of reports and pictures of them visiting every fairy sanctuary they could without compromising their performances. It just took a while for it to hit the news for us. Y/n, they’re looking for you. And if this is any proof, I think they love you and you need love. You look like a skeleton with skin.”

Heidrun gently pulled you into her arms. “What changed? You were doing alright and then you were gone and you come back looking like a ghost.”

“They found my tears,” You whispered.

She inhaled sharply, not quite a gasp, and held you tighter. “You can’t stay there.”

“I can’t leave there either. Where would I go? I would just get arrested and brought back to them.”

Frida folded her arms. “Leave it to me. You go back, lay low. Maybe try to appeal to the lady of the house. I’ll have you out of there as soon as I can. In the meantime….”

“I’ve still got a backlog of your diamonds, come get them just in case he asks again.” Your arm was gently pulled toward the currency exchange station.

You took the bag, and the treats most of them packed up for you. If the love of other fairies was enough to sustain you, you never would have been in this mess. But fairies, while kind and caring, didn’t have enough love for other fairies to keep them alive, especially once exposed to the love of a family. Fairies were good, and kind, and helpful, but also emotionally unstable which made it hard to focus enough love into one another without a consistent source of outside love.

It was a miracle your species had survived as long as it had.

Cupcake greeted you, meowing pathetically and hopping into your arms.

You sat down on your bed with him. “Let’s think of a new name for you.”

Eventually you settled on Keyowo, which was close to his current name but meant friend and was just…it was better.

You then set to deep cleaning over the next week, shrinking your things and tucking them into your suitcase to keep them out of sight.

On Tuesday he beat you to tears because you weren’t producing tears fast enough.

The album caught your eye again on the next Friday.

You picked up, tracing the seven on the cover, and then opening it. You pulled out the poster and unfolded it.

They were in white, with feathers floating down and a hole in the floor. They all looked so good.

You touched the one on the far left, wearing the sweater. Slightly cat-like facial features. You felt like you knew what his hands looked like, even though you couldn’t see much of them in the picture. Slightly calloused, bony, but gentle and careful. Caring for everyone.

“Yoongi,” You whispered, choking up. Tearing up.

Your fingers traced over each of them, names a whisper in your mind. A whisper that turned into shouts, memories flooding your mind of each and every one of them. Your mind screaming for them because your throat was too tight to even whisper.

They were your boys.

They had to let you go.

You weren’t supposed to remember them.

They weren’t supposed to try and find you.

The next day you shoved everything into your bag, tucked the cat into your coat, left a note for the missus and headed straight back to the fairy market.

Frida looked surprised when she saw you. “Whoa, what happened? Is this the kitty your were telling me about?”

“They’re gone for the weekend, that means even if I stay nearby they’ll think I’ve had two days to run out on them. I need you to help me get me back to my family.” You teared up. “I need to find them.”

Frida nodded, glancing around and closing her shop. “Come on. You can stay with me.”

Frida’s family consisted of a pair of siblings.

The sister, Alena, was a fairy rights activist in her spare time, which is why Frida had so much freedom, and a huge music fan. She had a whole wall of CD’s and albums and posters. Stacks of magazines featuring musicians.

The brother, Agnar, was quiet, “just an accountant”, and very kind. And very affectionate toward Frida.

Frida was equally affectionate toward him, bringing a fake gag from Alena.

They helped you find an outfit that hid your fairy-ness, and he got you tickets to the concert, all of you hoping that it would get you close enough for them to see you and recognize that you were there. Also, it would help you health-wise to see them in person and the rush from the concert would be overwhelming, but also might revitalize you.

Then Alena forced you to sit in the bathroom with her while she applied a cloth to your face with epsom salts to try and reduce the bruising and swelling on your face. She told you about the fairy abuse responders, and how she would call them in the morning and tell them about your family.

Agnar totally stole your cat.

Frida let you sleep in her fairy-home (because it definitely wasn’t a dollhouse and it was awesome, of course).

Four days later, you were at the concert venue with Alena, taking a seat and soaking in the atmosphere. People were talking all around and some people were chanting the boys’ names. Another group was starting to sing the songs.

You listened nervously, wondering whether it was true or not that they were looking for you. What if they were just making a fuss to get back at the company a bit? What if the media was making things up? It wouldn’t be the first time a story was fabricated for magazines.

Then the concert started and you and Alena were cheering for your boys, but you wondered why you ever thought they’d be able to see you in this mess.

It wasn’t until the second half of the concert that you had hope.

The boys were in more casual outfits, having more fun.

And they were all wearing the jewelry that Namjoon had made from your diamonds.

Jimin was the one who saw you first, though he looked right over you and then seemed to try and pinpoint you again, but was unable to in the crowd. He stood there with a smile plastered on his face, acting as though he was studying each Army’s face when you knew he was searching for you.

So you stood still in the writhing mass that of the crowd, and studied him.

He had lost weight, and if it hadn’t been for the makeup, you bet he’d look fairly wrung-out.

All of them looked like they’d been sick enough to lose weight.

Taehyung came over and practically dragged him away (making it look playful).

But Jimin said something to Jin and Jungkook.

Jungkook was over there as casually as he could, totally looking at the camera and doing ‘fanservice’. But he obviously didn’t spot you.

Jin didn’t either.

But Yoongi did during the very last song and he stopped, staring, then he was crouched, hand over his mouth, just staring in your direction.

You waved, wondering if he actually was staring at you.

He smiled, but it also looked like he wanted to cry. He waved as well, then cautiously moved off, still keeping an eye on you.

You bit your lip, smiling.

Alena squealed and grabbed onto you, and the two of you did your best to fit in with the rest of the crowd.

Both of you lingered as long as you could afterward, her extremely hyped from the whole concert and talking a mile a minute, while you were feeling…exhausted? All of the emotions around you and finally seeing your boys again….

But you had no idea how you were going to get to them, or how they were going to get to you.

Until you saw Sejin, scanning the crowd.

The likelihood of him being on the side of the boys was pretty good.

You tugged on Alena’s arm, pulling her to a stop.

Sejin locked onto you and started moving, coming your way, waiting until the straggling fans that had been around you were gone before telling security to let you through.

You dipped your head to the security guards, then bowed slightly to Sejin. “Hello.”

Sejin smiled. “Hello, y/n.”

You bit your lip. “I remembered.”

He nodded. “I figured. We all figured. They’re waiting. They’re all waiting.”

You were practically vibrating.

“Come on, let’s get you back to them. Your friend can come but she needs to wait in the hallway for…security purposes.”

You nodded and relayed the information to Alena, then both of you were following back to the waiting room.

Sejin stopped by the waiting room. “Go on in.”

You nodded, putting your hand on the doorknob and then turning it and going in.

–

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Masterlist  -  ot7 Masterpost

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[jaehyunfirstlove]

Highway to Heaven - Ch. 5

Your best friend Johnny wants to go on a road trip. The only catch? He wants to bring his roommate, Jeong Jaehyun, someone you just couldn’t stand.

Genre: e2l, fluff, angst, smut (18+ only)

Warnings: fingering, swearing

Taglist: @jaehyunnie77​ @sehunniepot​ @jaejoongiewifey-blog @glxwingstar​ (send me a message if you want to be tagged)

Ch. 1 | Ch. 2 | Ch. 3 | Ch. 4 

A/N: A bit of smut in this chapter, but what will it meannnnnn ;)

You woke to arms around you. His breath tickled the back of your neck. He was cuddled into you, his body molded perfectly around you. You didn’t know what to do, you were truly torn. You had to admit it felt nice, to be held by someone again, but you still weren’t sure how you felt about him, and this would certainly be a complication. You shifted slightly, but it was enough to wake him. You could hear him waking up, his consciousness slowly returning, and when he finally realized the position he was in, he froze. He slowly removed his arms from you and turned over in the bed.

“Rise and shine, sleepyheads!” Johnny came into the room, pretending to cover his eyes, “Is there anything going on I should know about?” he questioned innocently, as he threw himself onto the bed in the space between the two of you.

“Grow up,” you complained, getting out of the bed and heading for the bathroom.

“Dude, what happened?” he turned to Jaehyun. You left the room but hovered behind the door, wanting to hear what Jaehyun would say.

“I screwed up! I was doing so well, staying to my side of the bed, but when I woke up I was spooning her!”

“What! Did she know?”

“I don’t know, I took my arms out carefully, she didn’t move, so I don’t know? Ah man, I fucked up. She’s never gonna trust me now.”

“Hey, maybe she didn’t even know? We can only hope.”

“I can’t face her without apologizing though.”

“Suit yourself.” 

You heard the bedsprings groan as Johnny got up from the bed, so you ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind you. You sat on the edge of the tub, head in your hands. You’d never been in such turmoil before, it was usually pretty clear to you if you were attracted to someone or not. Jeong Jaehyun, however, threw you for a loop. On the one hand, he was that callous playboy who slept around with women and dumped them at any inconvenience. On the other hand, he was that guy who would hold your hair back as you threw up, the one who would remember the most innocuous things you liked, the one who would stare with wonder at stars. The one who cared about whether or not you would trust him.

“Hey Y/N, hurry it up in there!” Johnny knocked obnoxiously on the bathroom door, “We got sights to see!”

“Gimme a sec,” you called back, turning on the faucet to splash some water on your face. You looked at yourself in the mirror and decided to be resolute. You had to trust your instincts.

When you came out of the bathroom Jaehyun was on the balcony. The morning breeze was fluttering his hair, his bangs falling into his eyes, which were closed. He was leaning on the railing, in a plain white tee that hugged his shoulders, the hem of it waving slightly in the wind, threatening to give you a view of his perfect abs. You looked away quickly, grabbing your suitcase and heading for the door, hoping he wouldn’t notice you. No such luck.

“Y/N!” he called, coming back into the room. His hair was now mussed from the wind, a bedhead look that would be unattractive on anyone but on him, it just increased his attractiveness. It almost made you angry. “Hey, I just wanted to apologize for last night.”

You faced him, your emotions warring in your gut. “Don’t mention it.” You said in the calmest voice possible.

“I really didn’t mean to-”

“I know.”

“I just need you to know-”

“I get it, Jaehyun. Let’s just forget about it, okay?” You walked away, leaving him standing alone in the room.

---

That day was spent at a local market, the three of you navigating through the stalls of fresh fruits and vegetables and various homemade goods. Once in a while one of you would stop and peruse the wares, or try samples offered by the food sellers. Jaehyun gave you space, not overtly avoiding you though, which you found you were thankful for. He’d sometimes point out things to you and you would just nod before walking away, missing the lingering looks he would give you. At one point Johnny went off to look at some leather goods, leaving you and Jaehyun alone at a fruit stand.

“Would your girlfriend like to try some?” the fruit seller had offered Jaehyun a sample of their peaches, and had gestured towards you, standing behind him.

“Hm? Oh, she’s not my girlfriend,” he offered politely, “just a friend.” The seller apologized, and the two of them continued to engage in conversation about the fruit.

You stood there, feeling like someone had just stabbed you in the chest. There was a dull throb that at any other time you might have thought was a heart attack, but you’d felt it before and you knew exactly what it was. You could feel your face getting hot, ridiculous tears pooling in your eyes. You willed them not to fall, and thankfully they listened.

Johnny came over then, and seeing the look on your face he opened his mouth to ask what was wrong but you stopped him.

“Hey I’m just gonna go back and find that stall that sells soap, you guys stay here I’ll catch up with you later.” You turned and walked away quickly, not giving them the chance to protest.

By the time you had found the soap stall you had calmed down, still determined not to let whatever you were feeling for Jaehyun come to the surface. You’d picked out some soaps and decided to wait for them back at the car. Eventually they came back, talking and laughing over something they had seen.

“Let’s go, I’m hungry,” you called out, getting into the passenger’s seat as Johnny got into the driver’s seat. When he caught your eye he mouthed are you okay? You nodded and he didn’t press any further, knowing that sometimes you needed your space.

You didn’t offer much to the conversation for the rest of the night, not at dinner at the local taqueria, not even when you were all choosing the local motel for the night.

“You guys choose,” was all you said, and soon enough you were pulling up to the gaudy neon sign of the closest roadside motel.

“I managed to get a room with two beds this time! Are you proud of me, Y/N?” Johnny poked you in the side teasingly, but you weren’t in the mood for his jokes.

“Just remember that I’m not sleeping with you,” you warned.

When you got to the room you let the two of them wash up first, wanting to take a long hot shower to soothe yourself. Before you went into the bathroom the two of them were in the same bed, but when you came out Johnny had moved to the other bed, his long limbs splayed out so there was no room for anyone else. Both were asleep. You sighed, thinking about kicking Johnny in the head for being an ass, but thought better of it. Jaehyun was on his side, and even though he wasn’t the smallest person, he was so tucked into himself he took up very little of the bed.

Screw it, you thought, and just laid down on the bed beside Jaehyun. You were too tired for this and sure enough you fell asleep seconds after your head hit the pillow.

---

You were dreaming and you knew it, but it felt so real. His hands were warm on your skin, caressing your naked stomach, reaching down further, parting your legs. Before he could reach your core you woke with a start, not realizing you had cried out in your sleep until you looked over and Jaehyun was staring at you, his eyes practically bulging out of their sockets.

“Y/N?” he whispered, “Are you okay?”

You huffed in frustration. “Fine.”

“Were you having a nightmare?” he asked softly, “You almost screamed.”

“No, it wasn’t that kind of dream,” you sighed.

“What kind of dream was it?” he asked innocently.

“Don’t worry about it,” you snapped, and he took the hint and turned over. 

You, however, were still aroused from the dream, and it was making you frustrated beyond belief. You had to finish yourself if you were going to have any peace, so you looked over to make sure he couldn’t see. Satisfied that what you would be doing wasn’t in his viewpoint, you slipped your hand down your panties and dipped your fingers into your pussy. Sure enough you were wet from the dream, and so you proceeded to finger fuck yourself, but in that position your fingers just couldn’t reach your g spot and it made you even more frustrated. You swore under your breath, and suddenly it hit you that the person in the bed next to you definitely had long enough fingers to reach. You must have been delirious with arousal to even consider it, but you were beyond rational thought at this point.

“Jaehyun,” you whispered, but he didn’t respond, so you shook his shoulder lightly. He turned to you.

“What’s wrong?” he asked sleepily.

“I need your help,” you whispered, and he propped himself up on his elbow to look at you.

“Of course, what do you need?” he whispered back.

“I need you to help me get off.”

You could barely make it out in the dim light but he was blinking his eyes rapidly, shaking his head at the same time. He was definitely malfunctioning.

“I’m sorry, did I hear you correctly-”

“Yes, I need you to finger me until I climax, can you do that?” you clarified. You could feel your arousal slipping away and you were desperate.

“I mean, yeah, but are you sure? What does this mean for our relationship?”

“Listen, I’m horny as hell right now and I can’t even think about that. This is going to be awkward either way, whether you agree to it or not, at least if you do it I’ll have gotten an orgasm out of it.” Your argument was twisted but he contemplated it and seemed to be swayed.

“I guess that’s true…” he agreed, and you almost whooped in relief.

“Great, here, give me your hand.” 

He obliged, and lifting your shirt, you took his hand and placed it palm down on your bare stomach. He inhaled sharply when he made contact with your skin, and the same feeling from the dream returned to you.

“Mm, that’s good,” you moaned softly, which emboldened him. His hand moved independently now, slowly down, and you squirmed in anticipation as he got closer.

“That’s it,” you encouraged, as his fingers reached your folds and he began to part them.

“You’re so wet,” he whispered in awe, and when you moaned again he slid two fingers in. Your back arched off the bed, a silent scream dying in your throat as he started to pump his fingers inside you.

You pressed your lips together to keep from making a sound, not wanting to wake Johnny, but you could feel an intense orgasm coming on. Jaehyun’s fingers were heavenly, hitting you directly in that spot that made your toes curl. You pulled at the sheets as the pleasure in your gut ramped up.

“That’s it,” Jaehyun whispered in your ear, “Come for me, baby.” The combination of his magic fingers, the low tone of his voice, and the term of endearment sent you spiralling. Stars exploded behind your closed eyelids as you had the strongest orgasm of your life at that point, your body shaking, pussy clenching around Jaehyun’s fingers.

He let you come down from your high before he removed his fingers, and you sighed softly at the loss. He got out of the bed quietly and came back with a damp towel to help clean you up, gently wiping away your arousal. When he was done he pulled the covers back over you and smiled.

“Sleep now,” he whispered, because your eyelids were fluttering, and the last thing you remember before you fell into slumber was his fingers ghosting along your cheek.

[ziee]

Strangers to Lovers

You just finished your 13-hour shift at the hospital. You were sweaty and hot, your hair sticking to your forehead, clothing wrinkled from hours of use. You were in the midst of leaving, having grabbed your bag from the hangers when you noticed something square resting on one of the break room tables.

You walk towards it, realizing it was a phone before reaching for it. Pressing the home button, you instantly recognize the owner. The lock screen was a picture of Barbra Lake, your co-worker as well as your best friend in the office, and her son hugging.

You smiled at the photo before sighing. Oh Barbra. She was probably in a rush to get home for her son without even realizing she forgot her phone. You scoop it up and place it in your backpack. Guess your shower will have to wait a bit.

Driving to her house, you hum a tune in the car as you steer. Pulling up on the driveway, you step out of your car and walk up to the front door. Knocking, you heard voices yelling inside. Growing concerned, you knock a few more times before hearing more yelling before it settles.

You wait a few seconds before knocking again. You could hear footsteps walking towards the door, as a voice shouted "Blinky!" before the door opened. In front of you was a man. 6ft tall, wearing a blue button-up with a brown sweater and black pants, man. Was Barbra on a date.. Straight after work?

"Hello!" He said, smiling down at you. You snapped back in from zoning out, eyes shooting forward and up into his.

"Ah, hello." You smile, "Is Barbra home..?" You lean to the side to try and look inside but the man blocks your view. Just then, Jim comes running from behind the eccentric stranger.

"Y/n? Why are you here?" He asks as he pushes the other male away from the door.

"I'm looking for Barbra, she left her phone in the office before leaving today." You hold up the phone and wiggle it. The young boy sighs and places a hand on his forehead, muttering words.

"Oh mom.." Speak of the devil. The overworked doctor strolls into the front area, holding a small piece of paper before spotting you.

"Y/n?" Coming towards the door, Jim moves out of the way so you could step inside. You enter the house and smile at the doctor, holding her phone in your hand.

"You forgot something." Jim shuts the door behind you and stands next to the man as you and his mother chat. Handing her the phone, she thanks you and introduces you to the male known as 'Mr.Blink-heh', he corrects her. Giving her a quickly hushed whisper, your thoughts were denied about their relationship. Apparently, he was Jim's guidance counsler.

"A pleasure to meet you miss Y/n." Holding his hand out, he gives you a bright smile. Taking his hand in your own, you glance down only for a second, noticing the size difference between your two body parts. His large fingers wrap around your hand, grazing softly upon your skin as you shake. All too soon he lets go, your eyes darting back up towards his.

"The pleasure is all mine, Mr.Blink-heh." Your hand dangles by your side, the warmth of his hand vanishing. His words left you flustered, intriguing you to learn more about him. So polite, so tall, so handsome. His stature screamed awkward, which you found adorable.

"You can call me Blinky." He whispered in your ear as the Lakes talked. You froze, not wanting to move as he speaks so close to you. Looking towards him, you nod with a smile, turning back quickly as you felt your cheeks growing red at such close interaction. You had felt his breath on your neck.

The Lakes turned back towards you and Blinky, eyes chimed with a glint of curiosity as they both eyed you and the man. You coughed. "Well, I should get home. I don't want to stink up your house." Cue laughter.

"It was nice having you over, even for a short while," Barbra says, standing by the shoe rack. "Thank you for the phone too, I don't know what I would have done." She chuckles. You do the same and nod, turning your body to face the door, eyes still on the women. Your hand moves to the knob, feeling you have a good idea of the placement before your hand encases something large and warm.

A body is out of the corner of your eyes, your head turns to the warmth. Your hand was around Blinky's, placed onto the golden knob. "Oh! Sorry!" You remove your hand, embarrassed.

"Allow me," His lips lift, twisting the knob to open the door for you. You stare at the gentleman who opened the door for you. Flushing furiously, you giggle in an awkward way, shifting your weight from feet to feet. You didn't want to leave.

"Ah, thank you." You go to walk out, into the warm air of the summer. You stop, turning around. "Can I- Urgh- Would you like to meet again? If you want..?" Damn your under-confidence. You sounded so stupid, of course, he wouldn't want to meet you again.

"Absolutely! That would be wonderful." Wait, what? "Allow me to place my digits into your mobile device."

"My mobi-? Oh! My phone? Yeah, yeah, just let me.." You quickly grabbed your phone from your back pocket, unlocking it for him. Giving him your phone, he does the same. You exchange numbers, your heart giddy at the rising excitement from this transaction. You've never really dated a lot, tried to in high school. No one took interest in you.

But, this man you only just met minutes prior, has done more things to you than anything that's gotten your heart racing in all your years. He handed back your phone, shakey hands grabbing from his large ones, to be placed once again into your back pocket. Your eyes trace him one last time before thanking him and running down the stone steps of the Lakes house.

Once you were in your car, driving mindlessly to your house, only was it then you realized your best friend and her son had watched you in your virgin daze. Fuckkkkkk- that is so embarrassing. You chuckled at the thought as your cheeks flushed.

Once you got home, you were in the midst of brushing your teeth when your phone dinged. Picking it up, it was a text from Blinky. Wow, he doesn't wait. Smiling as you read the text, you squeal once you've finished. "I would like to invite you to an outing next Saturday. I await your response."

You text back immediately, saying of course you'd go. The date- was it a date? Oh, you hope it's a date- was planned for 1 Pm. Meeting at the local cafe, you honestly couldn't wait 4 days. Giddy all night, it was a pain to wake up at 4 for your next shift. Teasing the next day from Barbra was foretold.

You got through the week even with you sitting at your closet for hours, deciding what to wear. Finally, today was the day you've been waiting for. A little 'too' excited for. You chose your clothes yesterday, after throwing at least your whole wardrobe on the floor in your decision-making.

Taking a shower, just to be extra clean. You wonder what he'll be wearing. What should you talk about? You hoped the conversation wouldn't be too awkward, especially on the first date. Oh, you hope you won't be too awkward, you were known to freeze up with attractive men. Thinking about his smile from 5 days ago, you blushed. What an attractive man indeed..

You finished your shower, skin red with steam and heat. Dressing in the chosen outfit, you glanced at your phone. No texts. Not to worry, Blinky was so not the type of guy to ditch. Or was he..? You decided not to worry too much, slipping on your shoes before heading off. The trip wasn't too far, you lived remotely close to it as Arcadia wasn't that big of a town.

Picking a spot outside, you ordered 2 glasses of water as you waited for the man of the hour. 5 minutes pass and you anxiously glance at your phone, your glass half empty. Your worries were soon put to rest as you saw Blinky run out from the corner.

"Ah, Blinky!" You smiled, watching as he tipped his head down.

"A thousand apologies for making you wait miss Y/n." He panted as he sat down, spotting the water before picking it up and chugging it.

"Please, just call me Y/n. Miss sounds a bit formal doesn't it?" You joke, laughing as he set the glass down.

"Perhaps, but it fits a lady like you." Your eyes widened before a blush settled into your cheeks. 2 sentences down and you're already red? Yeesh.

"So how have you been?" Scooting closer in your chair, you rest your hands on the table as you looked at him.

"Ah, excellent now in your company. The past few days have been quite busy.." You take a sip of water, hiding your smile.

"That's too bad. At least now you can relax a bit." You grabbed a menu and opened it, scanning the options. As you were scanning, you heard him grunt before he slapped a hand over his cheek. Looking over the sealed paper, you raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong?"

"Nope! Just a mosquito." He didn't move his hand, which made you wonder even more, but you continued looking over the menu.

"Ooh! Look at number 5 on the menu, maybe we should share it?" You suggest. He groans once more, before hearing a clacking noise. You peer over the menu again, staring at him in worry.

"Are you ok?" You place the menu down, reaching a hand over the table.

"Marvelous!" He shouts, picking up the menu as he hides his face. What in the world..? As you grew concerned, your eyes widened at what was happening.

"Blinky, your skin- you're turning blue. I don't mean to alarm you but I think you're having a heart attack." He continues groaning before smoke appears from his face. "And.. Are you smoking?"

"A filthy habit, I really must admit." He laughs before standing up. "Excuse me, I have to use the facilities, I'll only be a moment." He takes the menu, covering his face, and runs into the restaurant. What just happened.

You shake your head. Ok, serious. He may actually be having a heart attack. You're a doctor, this is your job. You rush into the restaurant and near the men's bathroom as someone was yelling for a doctor. "I'll check on him." You say to the man, rushing inside the bathroom.

You move towards the only closed stall and knock. "Blinky, I'm a doctor I can help you. Please open up!" You knock again.

"I'm fine! Really, nothing to see here." A clicking shuffle. Alright, that's it.

"I'm coming in!" You yell, kicking the door. He screams and you can feel resistance on the door but you continue kicking before it opens. "Ah thank god, Blinky are you ok- AHHH!" You scream, looking at what's before you. A trollish creature with blue skin, 4 arms, and 6 eyes look down upon you.

He screams, 2 of his lower hands moving down to cover his groin as the upper ones cover his chest. "AHHH! What are you?!" You yell, backing up. He stops screaming as bends down to pick up a brown coat, much too small for him, and covers his waist.

"Y/n! I did not want you to see me like this.. But alas, it was bound to happen." His voice sounds familiar... And that coat!

"Blinky?!" You cautiously near closer, looking upwards at the frightened troll.

"Yes, that is me. I'm sorry for lying Y/n, honestly." His upper hands play with themselves, rubbing into the stone as he nervously looks at you.

"N-nevermind that. Do you- can you get out of here? We could go to my house and discuss all.. This," you gesture towards him, "I don't think a restaurant bathroom is a good spot for an explanation." He nodded, agreeing.

"I would, but I burn in daylight. If you could cover me with something... Aha! The table cloth should work." You nodded, scurrying towards the door.

"Uh, ok. Stay there!" You yell, rushing out the door and outside. You were wondering how you'd get past everyone in the restaurant, but you suppose you could just run. You grabbed the cloth, pulling it from the table before balling it up and running back towards the stall.

"Ok, I got it." You handed it to him as he awkwardly drapes it over himself. He exits the stall, stumbling a bit under the sheet, and tries to find your hand. You hold it from over the sheet, noticing the significate size difference of his real hand over yours. "I'm gonna lead you out and to my car. We'll have to run, so just trust me, alright?"

"Gasp! An automobile!" You smiled and pulled him out, running past the other guests as you hear the fast taps of stone feet behind you. You run outside, the breezy air rushing through your hair as you spot your car.

Stopping in front of it, you quickly unlock it and push the troll inside. "Ompf!" He adjusts himself inside as you get into the driver's seat, starting the engine, and backing up. "What a rush." He chuckles before looking around.

"I've never stolen anything before." You say, heart racing as you drive. "But that was fun!" You smile. He laughs and fiddles with the windows, head peeking out from the sheet. You got to your house fast, enhanced by your adrenaline and illegal speeding. You urshed the large white sheet inside the house as soon as you got the front door unlocked.

"Phew!" You pressed your back against the wooden door, wiping your forehead. Your eyes turn up to the still troll, stilling wearing the sheet, in the middle of your hallway. "You can take the sheet off Blinky." You laughed. It looked as if a failed attempt at a ghost costume.

"Ah, yes.." He slowly lifts it up, removing it from his body. Now, you can actually get a good look at the troll before you. He was so.. Large. Around 7ft, with 6 eyes that bore deeply into yours. You've never seen anything like him.

You pick yourself up and move towards the couch, gesturing him to follow. "Why don't we sit down and.. Talk. Oh- I can make some tea if you'd like? It would be just as we planned, but in a house!" You smiled, joking, and turned around.

His face bore a worried expression, brows furrowed and down. You grew concerned. "Blinky? Is something wrong?" His eyes meet yours as he shakes his head.

"Ah, yes- no. Well.. I did not intend to meet like this. I'm terribly sorry I lied about my true form, Y/n." He neared you until he was in front of you. Both sets of hands played with their fingers.

"Blinky.." You sat down onto the couch, pulling him down with you. You settled your legs under your knees, sinking into the plush as you turned to him. "Don't be sorry. I'm surprised, yes, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Just because you've changed physically doesn't mean I want to break things off. You're still the same Blinky I like." You smiled, placing a soft hand upon his arm.

He nodded, lips lifting into a curve. 6 eyes stared at your hand, for quite a few seconds before they shot to your face. "Y/n.. It may be a bit soon to share this but, over the few days we've known each other, the time you've blessed me with.." He stopped for a moment, figuring out the right words to say.

Heat rose to your cheeks as you understood what was so hard for him to spout. In all honestly, you felt the same. It was a little rushed, but everything felt so right with him. You instantly clicked, so you finished his sentence for him. "I like you too."

...

"Oh by Deya's grace, thank you." He grabbed your hand from his arm, holding it in his palm as you both smile. Both sitting content, holding hands in comfortable silence. You weren't sure what to say next, so you decided to lean in.

"Can I..?" You whisper, face nearing his.

"You may..?" He sounded confused as to what you were referring to, but as your lips touched his, he soon melted into your actions. You pushed yourself inwards, your hand resting upon his shoulder for balance as your other was still encased in his. He wrapped his lower hands around your waist, as you continued your slightly awkward first kiss.

His jaw was incredibly large, with tusks that could tear through you easily, yet he made an effort to press lightly into you. You never thought it would be this erotic, this one tiny kissed has turned your head inside out. Your thighs clenched as your hand clutched onto his shoulder, your hands fiddling with his overall strap.

Breaking away for air, you pant as you both stare into each other. "That was.." He's one word short again, so you finish his thoughts with the only word you could think of.

"Breathtaking." You breathe out with what little air he kept for you. His cheeks shone blue, making you wonder what was underneath his stone skin just for a moment before other matters called to you. You wanted more.

"Exactly." His lower hands pulled you further towards him if that was possible. You decided to reposition yourself so that you were in his lap, legs draped over his waist, touching the couch with your feet. You pulled your arms around his large neck and leaned in.

"Let's do it again." Words from your tone, needy and breathy, his actions immediately matching. Your lips touched once more, more serious. More.. Vicious. One of his upper hands places itself softly on the back of your head, tilting it away from his teeth as you press into him. Your hands softly melt into his skin, sliding up to his cheeks, caressing the foreign texture.

Suddenly feeling your weight shifting, gravity pulled you down as you were flipped onto your back, softly pressing into the couch. Hand on your hand all the way down, he broke the kiss momentarily as he changed you. Hovering over you, you suddenly felt very small. And you... Liked it?

His lips met yours once more, eagerly wanting more of you. A knee had been placed in between your legs, making your foot fall slightly off the sofa. You pant through the kiss, not getting enough air to your head from all this time spent making out. He broke away, giving you time to breathe.

"Now I see why you humans like that so much." He grinned as he leaned over you. His hand came up from your waist to touch your cheek, softly caressing as you blush.

"You're good, for a beginner." You stick your tongue out in a playful manner. He chuckled, moving back up and away from you. You softly pouted but settled yourself back onto your butt. Your eyes gaze away from him and towards your wooden stairs. "Why don't we," You look back towards him, his 6 eyes connecting with yours, "take this to my bedroom. You know, the bed is probably more comfortable than the couch." You wink.

He seems to get the hint, looking a bit flustered yet nodding at the same time. Picking yourself up, you excitedly run towards the stairs, fanning your heated face as you hear the creak of steps from his stone feet following closely behind.

You both get to the room, closing the door as he sits on the mattress. You decide to make the first move or 3rd. Sauntering over, you swing your legs over his hips, sitting into his lap. "Is this alright?" You whisper, your eyes slowly turning upwards to meet his. Dark red pierce your own. Almost as if in a trance, he nods slowly.

"Yes.. That's- You're alright." You softly swing your hips, circling in his lap.

"Just alright?" He's definitely felt you, 2 hands immediately clutching onto your hips.

"No!" He stampers, "You're exquisite. Just having you in my lap is an honor." Your cheeks flushed as you giggled, holding a hand up to your mouth.

"Well, that was quite a compliment. Your lap is rather comfy." You supposed it was due to his thick overalls. Sliding a hand up his stomach, you clutch onto his straps with both hands. Giving a soft tug, you lean up and into his face. Giving him a slow, soft kiss, you felt his hands rub into the fabric of your shirt.

"Blinky, I really want you. Like, a lot." You break away, your hold on his straps falling. "But I understand if you want to stop. We can take it slow, I won't be offended." Folding your hands in your own lap, you sat still and waited for an answer.

He looked down at you, raising a hand to cup your face. "Y/n," he softly smiled, "I would be more than happy to experience this with you." Your worries melted away. Taking his hand in your own, you leaned into his touch further.

"Then please, touch me." You knew it was a tad selfish of you to say that, but you were so in need. His.. Him.. He was definitely not making it easy not to be aroused. Everything about his new, or original form, was just so breathtaking. You wanted to learn more about him, in every day, but first, you have to deal with the issue between your legs.

You directed him to undress you, first pulling off your shirt, and with a little help from you, your bra. Next was your pants, you shimmied them off a bit uncomfortably but that, and your underwear, were long gone. Now, you sat naked in the lap of your lover.

"Now.. Touch my boobs. Like, rub the nipple, twist, or, lick." You wink at the last part as you arch your back towards him. He understands and moves his upper hands to your chest, his lower holding the bottom of your back and around your waist. You smile as his large hands wrap around your molds, heated stone giving you a very nice feeling.

He was a fast learner, twisting your nipples with a soft force. He began twisting, pulling. Your thighs clenched as he leaned down, head towards your chest. Moving his hand, he takes your right nipple into his mouth. You pant softly as your skin is encased in heat. A wet muscle hit your tit, swirling around it. You gasped, a shock of arousal hitting you. So he does have a tongue.

Taking his time with you, he switches over to the other one once he's thoroughly coated your tit with his saliva. "Ah, you're so soft." He moves his head over, rubbing the skin around your waist to enhance his comment. You chuckle, raising your hands up to his head, softly combing through azure hair before finding long ears.

"And you're very good with your tongue.." You think whilst rubbing his stone ears. "Wonder what else you could do with it." He moves his head up from your chest, stopping in front of you.

"Teach me." And so you did. Flipping positions, you now lay on your back as he leans over you. He shuffles back so his head is in front of your loosely closed legs. Setting his upper hands on your inner thighs, he slowly judges them apart.

You lean up, crunched at your stomach as you explain to him your parts. "Now, this is the clitoris, it's just for stimulating pleasure. You can use your fingers or mouth. And down here," You point to your entrance, "is the grand finale.." You thought for a second. "Do you have.. The part?" Looking between your pelvis and his eyes, he seemed to get the hint.

"Yes, I do have the male organ." He laughed, "Most trolls have both of the 'sets' as you call them, female and male."

"Wow.." You lean back down. Feeling him come closer, you twitch as you feel his nose pressed against you. It moved higher up, and you gasped as you felt his mouth open, tongue sliding from between his teeth to touch you. Shivering as he slid the muscle up and down, it covered the entirety of you. You didn't realize until now how big his tongue actually was.

Feeling him start focusing on your clit, you shivered and twitched as you were pleasured. Hands felt around your waist, as well as your legs. He groped and rubbed at your skin, almost as if petting you.

You felt your core tighten, your thighs already starting to clench. He was just too good. Such a fast learner. Your hands threw themselves down, searching for anything to grab onto. Fingertips felt hard, pointed stone. You looked down at found you were holding onto his horns. He hadn't made any complaint, so you let them be.

You burned, so close. So close! The grip on his horns tightened as you started bucking wildly into his mouth. He held on and allowed you so, riding out your orgasm as you cry out. "Oh god!" As you finished, you leaned back into the mattress and released his horns. Your thighs twitched in his hold. He leaned up, looking pleased with himself seeing you worn out.

"I'm glad I was acceptable." He spoke softly, rubbing into your thighs as you pant.

"That was- You were amazing." You smiled, looking up at him. "Why don't you take off your overalls?"

He did so quickly, snapping the hooks off and placing the cloth on the ground. There, both of you sat on the bed, naked. Sitting on your butt in front of him, you rubbed up from his belly to his chest. "So, all I see is stone. How do we make you, y'know." It felt a little embarrassing to be this needy, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Ah, you need to coax me open." He leaned onto his back and spread his legs. You nodded and shimmied over to him. Feeling a little unsure, you move your hand to stroke his pelvis. He shivered. You'll take that as a good sign. Softly stroking up and down, it was only moments later until plates moved, revealing..

3 Tentacles. A shocked expression pierced your face as you stared at the wriggling pieces of muscle. "Those are my primary sex, the larger one is the functioning one. The smaller ones serve as stimulation adders." Well, this, is, new. And,

You like it.

Your hand lifted, nearing the appendages as they swing towards you. He twitched as you touched the slippery phalluses. Softly stroking, you grinned as he let out a soft moan. Pounding. You were so ready. Removing your hand, you lifted yourself and sat upon his stomach. Tentacles wriggled against your butt, searching for an entrance.

You placed your hand on his chest and lean down. Taking his lips between yours, you share a soft and tender kiss. He snaked his hands around you, pressing into your waist and chest. You break away and lick your lips, shifting backward before leaning up.

You situate yourself above the larger one, slowly coming down. You wince as he enters you, the tentacle feeling larger than it looks. He supports your weight as you come down, holding you in the air as he stretches into you.

Finally, you're sat on his stomach, feeling his muscle exploring your walls. "You're.. Really big.." You pant, adjusting to his size as you hold onto a hand wrapped around your waist.

"You feel amazing.." His smaller tentacles swirl around your inner thighs, coating your skin with unknown juices. You decide to try and move. Coming up from his belly, you sink down a little faster than before. You're pretty sure he hit further inside you as you hear him groan loudly.

You feel no more pain, so you try again. And it feels delightful. Oh, he fits perfectly inside you. Encased in your walls for no more than seconds, sliding himself in and out does wonder for the old troll.

You start to lean on his chest, your thighs burn as you slide him in and out. "So good.." You moan out. You guess you started getting sloppy, so he grips your waist as pumps into you hard. You gasp, him hitting inside you so fast felt like something otherworldly, and you guessed it probably applied here.

You clutched onto him as he lifted his hips, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. Neither speaks, too consumed with pleasure. You felt your orgasm coming, it was so close. Just a little more.. He hits a spot, and you come. Crying out, it's so powerful tears weld in your eyes. You try and breathe but he keeps pounding into you.

Smaller phalluses saunter upwards, reaching in between your folds. They circle your clit, and you shudder from over-stimulation. He makes somewhat of a honking noise, and you feel a warm sensation engulf you. Softly bucking, he slows down until he's completely done. Knees falling, you both lie in silence and exhaustion. His tentacles fall flaccid.

You lift your hips and feel him slide out, as well as drips of white liquid. You puff out air, not caring to clean up just yet. Hearing a soft click, you realize his sex has been put away, giving you space to fully lay on him.

Caressing his hands over your waist, you lean up and give him a small peck on his cheek. He smiles down at you with an award-winning smile. "We can definitely make this work."

[winter-soldier-vibes]

I was never good enough for you (Lance Tucker x reader)

Lance Tucker x reader

Warnings: self harm, Lance being Lance, followed by a softer Lance, swearing (but you saw that coming)

Word count: 2884

Summary: Reader is under the direction of Coach Lance Tucker and he can be really tough on his gymnasts. She takes his criticism a little too personally and reverts to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with it, but one day Lance finds out

A/N this is my first Lance imagine and I really like the way it turned out, I hope you like it! This is also my first imagine including gymnastics which I don’t know too much about, forgive me if I made a mistake.

-----------------------

“Sloppy. Again.”

You internally groaned as you walked back to your starting position. You had been working on this routine for an hour now and you were getting worn out. Not that you’d say that. No, Lance wouldn’t tolerate tiredness. Olympists don’t give in to exhaustion. And you weren’t about to give him another excuse to yell at you.

You loved gymnastics. At least, you did. You weren’t quite sure anymore.

You loved the sport, and you grew up with a passion for it. You thought it would be a dream come true when Lance became your coach. Being trained by a gold-medalist was an amazing opportunity. You were so excited.

But you didn’t expect him to always be so angry with you.

Nothing you did ever pleased him. No matter how hard you worked or how much of your day was dedicated to the gym or the routines. You were growing exhausted, you didn’t remember the last time you weren’t sore. But again, you weren't about to say anything. He’d just tell you you were weak. 

You attempted the routine once again, and when you were finished Lance sighed with exhaustion and frustration. He shook his head.  “That’s it. We’re done for the day.”

You tried to hide your disappointment and went to grab your water bottle before heading to the exit.

“Be here 5 AM tomorrow.”

You looked back and nodded before walking outside the building, tears forming in your eyes. You sat in your car and started it, pulling out of the gym parking lot and speeding your way home.

Once the gym was out of sight you allowed the tears to fall. The harsh criticism that Lance spat at you really got under your skin, but you’d be damned if you were to show him how it really got to you. No, you had a different way to handle things

You pulled into the garage of your apartment and made your way inside, careful to lock the door behind you. You rubbed your face and made your way into the bathroom so you could take a shower. You turned the water on and waited for it to heat up. You stepped in, allowing the warm water to wash over your skin.

Worthless

Sloppy

Not good enough

Never good enough

Again!

You allowed the tears to come, sobs wracking your body. All you wanted was to please him, just once. But it didn’t seem to be anything you could do. There was no pleasing him. You were the problem. Why couldn’t you just be better?

You looked down at your body, at the scars littered across your torso. You weren’t proud of your methods of coping. You just couldn’t find anything that gave you the same relief. You couldn’t explain why you were hurting yourself, you just knew that it felt deserved.

You grabbed the broken razor that was still on the corner of the bathtub from the last time you did this. You took the cool blade and gripped it between your fingers. It felt so natural. You had never done this before working with Lance, but now you didn’t know how to stop. It was just something you did now.

You pressed the blade into your side, dragging it downwards and letting out a pained gasp. The water immediately stung the fresh wound, and you let out a small sigh. You repeated the action a few times, each cut deeper than the last, and one for each new thought that entered your mind.

Never good enough

Piece of shit

Fuck-up

Are you even trying?

Why are you even alive?

The last cut you made brought you back into your awareness. You looked down at your stomach and your eyes widened. There were more cuts than you’d made all at once before, and the last one was a lot deeper than you had anticipated. The water was now turning a dark pink at your feet. The pain was beginning to set in after the initial shock, and you let out pained gasps as you turned the water off and reached for a towel.

This was bad. You had never let it get this far before, fuck. You quickly dried yourself off and opened the medicine cabinet for your first aid supplies. You bandaged up your stomach as quickly as you could, and though it wasn’t stellar work, it was enough to stop the bleeding. You sighed and put on some loose fitting pajamas, walking into your room. You collapsed on the bed only to cry out in pain from lying on your side. You flipped onto your back and groaned. Tomorrow was going to suck.

Your alarm woke you with a start at 4:30 the next morning so you could get ready. You groaned and rolled over on your side, only to get a searing reminder that you shouldn’t. You sat up in your bed and turned off your alarm before making your way to get dressed. You replaced the bandages with newer ones, thinner ones. Ones that wouldn’t be noticeable underneath your gym attire. 

They weren’t as bad when you got another look at them. That didn’t mean they didn’t sting like a bitch though. You winced as the air hit the wounds and you put on new dressings before throwing on your clothes and booking it out the door. You kicked yourself mentally looking at the clock on the dashboard - you were going to be late.

You parked the car and ran into the gym building, to a very unimpressed Lance pacing back and forth with his arms crossed over his chest. “You’re late.”

You nodded, not wanting to give an excuse, knowing it would just make it worse. You looked away, ashamed, and he sighed before telling you to get on the mat and stretch out before you started.

Once you finished stretching, you made your way over to get ready for your bars routine that you were working on yesterday. You went to stretch your arms overhead to reach for the bars and had to resist crying out in pain as you brought your arms back down.

Lance gave you a confused and irritated look. “Something wrong?” he asked.

You shook your head and jumped up to the bar, ignoring the searing pain shooting through your sides. You went through your routine and made your dismount, which as soon as your feet hit the mat, you knew you were in for it.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked, exasperated. “You’re hesitating, you’re sloppy, what the hell is going on? Do it again.”

You walked back to your starting position and jumped up once again made your way through your routine, cursing yourself for small mistakes you made throughout, but you stuck the landing a little better.

Lance walked over to you, shaking his head. “What the hell is happening? I’ve never seen you so sloppy before. Do you even want to be a gymnast? Do it again!”

You walked back over to the bar, sides burning with pain. You jumped up to the bar and started your routine for the third time. Halfway through, you went to move to the second bar, but one of your hands slipped. Your right arm was above you and stretched out your side and you couldn’t help but yell out a cry and fall to the mat, hands going to the side of your torso.

Lance quickly came over to you, and you could’ve sworn you saw concern on his face. You tried to stand but he stopped you, pushing you back down to the mat. You tried again, but he wouldn’t let you. “Stop, stop, just take a minute. What happened?”

You tried to take the tears in your eyes away, as you pushed away from him “Nothing, I’m fine.”

“No you’re not. Now tell me, what the hell is going on.”

You finally made your way to stand and shouted “NOTHING! I AM FINE LANCE.”

His eyes flitted from you to your stomach before he stood and came over to you. This time there was no mistaking the concern on his face. You tried to step away from him but he wouldn’t let you. “Why are you bleeding?”

What?

You followed his eyes down and saw that blood was starting to spot your t-shirt. You tried to turn away. “It’s nothing Lance just drop it.”

“No I’m not dropping the fact that you’re hurt!” he said a little more sternly. You shut your mouth and crossed your arms, looking away. “What happened y/n?” he said a little more softly.

You tried to find some sort of excuse, some story that could explain why your stomach was bleeding. But nothing was coming to mind. You shook your head, unable to produce a suitable answer.

“Y/n.”

You looked back at him, still unable to say anything. No way you were about to tell him that you did this to yourself. 

“What happened?”

His eyes searched your face, trying to get some sort of answer from you. But you remained silent. He sighed, and said “Look, let’s just….let me help you with that.”

Your eyes widened and you shook your head. “No! I mean -no...It’s fine I swear.”

“Y/n.” he started, “you’re bleeding.” 

You shook your head again and he looked at you with confusion. “Why won’t you let me help you?”

“Because maybe I don’t fucking want your help Lance!” you said before you could think about it, bringing a hand to your mouth. He shifted on his feet. “What’s really going on here?”

“Nothing -”

“Don’t bullshit me.”

You let out an exasperated sigh, anger growing inside you. “Fine. I did it to myself. I cut myself most nights. Last night things got a little too out of hand. But you wanna know why I do it?” you seethed. “Because I’m never going to be good enough for you.”

And with that you stormed off to the locker room, slamming the door behind you and ignoring Lance calling your name. You slammed your hands against a bathroom stall and tried not to scream. You sat down on a bench and brought your hands to your head. What the fuck did you just do? What were you thinking? You just confessed your darkest secret to your asshole of a coach. And blamed him for it. You’d be lucky if he’d still want to coach you after this.

You heard the door open after a while and you didn’t even look up. You knew who it was and you didn’t need to see the disappointment on his face. He sat next to you and stayed silent for a few minutes. 

“Did you really mean what you said?”

You looked at him for a moment before putting your head back in your hands. You nodded. No use in lying now.

Lance let out a sigh. Muttering “Fuck” to himself. He rubbed a hand over his face before he asked, “How long have you been doing this?”

“How long have you been my coach?”

He sighed again, shaking his head. You thought it was in disappointment or anger, and it was, but it wasn’t directed towards you. Lance knew he was rough on you but he felt like a complete dick now that he knew what it was making you do. After a few moments, he said “I’m sorry.” 

You looked up at him, baffled. You didn’t think his ego allowed for apologies. You laughed a little, looking him up and down. “Yeah, sure.”

“Will you shut up and let me apologize?” he said a little more sternly. You shut your mouth and let him continue. “Look, I know I’m hard on you but it’s because I know you can take it. You’ve got something special and I just wanted to push you. I had no idea it was getting to you like this. You should have told me, if I had known then -”

“Then what? You would’ve just yelled at me or some shit like that.”

“No I wouldn’t -”

“Wouldn’t you?” you spat back. 

He raised his eyebrows at you and asked “Am I yelling at you now?”

You went for another retort but you realized that he was right. You were the one who was angry with him here, not the other way around. You looked away again, hand subconsciously drifting to your side and ghosting over where the blood was. His eyes followed your hands and he sighed sadly. “Why didn’t you say something?”

You shrugged. “I didn’t want you to get more angry than you already were. I didn’t want to give you another reason to berate me.”

Lance shook his head a little, feeling even more like an asshole than he already did. He stood up and told you he’d be right back before leaving for a few minutes, returning with a first aid kit. Much more than you ever provided yourself with. He sat down beside you again and asked you to lift up your t-shirt.

You looked at him as if he had just asked you to walk on the ceiling. “What? No, I’m not taking off my shirt for you.” you said incredulously.

He looked at you unamused. “This isn’t anything like that y/n. I just want to help you. I am your coach, and you are bleeding. This doesn’t have to be weird unless you make it that way.”

You looked at him for a few moments, him looking back expectantly. You groaned and went to pull your shirt over your head, leaving you in just a sports bra. Lance’s face went white when he saw all the marks littered across your torso. “Oh my god…” he whispered.

“Lance.”

His eyes flittled up to yours and he swallowed. He went to inspect the newest one, the one that had bled through the bandage. He removed the ones you had put on that morning and he had to resist gasping again as he went to work with dabbing antibiotic ointment on them. 

It was silent for a few minutes as he patched you up. You are looking just about anywhere else and Lance is trying to figure out what to say or do. Finally, he asked softly, “Who knows?”

“You.”

He nodded slowly. “How often -”

“Most nights.” You let yourself look at him before adding “I can't explain it, it just...helps.”

He looked back at you. “With what?”

You shook your head. “Everything.”

He went back to finishing up with the bandages before sitting back and crossing his arms, you putting your shirt back on. Once again the air was thick with silent tension.

“You’re suspended for a week.”

Your eyes snapped up to his. “What?”

“You need a little break from the gym and from me. Give your injuries some time to heal and give you some time to look for a therapist.”

Your eyebrows shot up as your eyes widened, you shaking your head. “You can’t do that.”

He nodded, “Yes I can. Look, you’re really good but no one would be able to practice at their best with injuries like those. And you can’t just not talk to anyone about this kind of thing. It’s only going to get worse if you keep it to yourself.”

“I’m not seeing a fucking shrink Lance.”

“Would you rather talk to me about it?” he asked with slight sarcasm.

If your eyes could get any wider, they did at that moment. “NO.”

“Fine. But you need to find someone. I don’t care really who it is but it has to be someone. Okay?”

You looked at him, hoping he was kidding, but he was dead serious. You eventually nodded, unwilling to look at him. He grabbed your shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze. “I am proud of you, I just want you to know that.”

You looked back at him, surely you heard him wrong. “You have a terrible way of showing that Lance.”

He laughed a little and nodded. “Maybe. But I mean it y/n. I meant it when I said you had something special. And I really am sorry for being an asshole to you.”

You laughed a little. “You were such a fucking asshole.”

His eyes narrowed a little. “Okay, thank you, I get it I fucked up, let’s move on.” the two of you laughed again. “Seriously though y/n.”

You nodded and smiled a little. “Thanks.”

He gave you a pat on the back. “Go home. See you next Tuesday.”

You cocked an eyebrow at him. “5 AM?”

He smiled back at you. “Don’t be late.”

[morimallow]

Hello. This is the third and last part of Morisuke is a Nerd. Read the first and second part first and leave a like! Thank you all so much!

There you were, standing in front of your highschool gates again after 7 years. Spring is finally here. Cherry blossom petals are falling and dancing with the wind.

You were savoring the moment before finally stepping inside your Alma mater when the annoying voice of your niece interrupted your peace.

“Y/N-neesan! Let's go inside already. My friends are waiting,” she whined and grabbed your hand and pulled you inside the already-loud school spring festival.

She just dragged you to every stall that sells food and let you pay for it. Annoying devil. Just because she knows that you're a (dream profession) and they pay you well.

After an hour of roaming in the oval, she decided to go upstairs and check out the other booths. Your niece got dragged by her friends and told you to bring her back to the school gates once they're done.

Walking along the hallway leading to the library, thinking of nothing in particular, screams of delight and adoration filled your ears. You looked outside the window and you saw the Nekoma Volleyball Team when Kuroo was their captain but your eyes looked for him.

They were all wearing suits. But he caught your eyes once again. Wearing the perfect three-piece suit, hair slicked back, and a pair of sunglasses over his eyes that you missed so much.

He looked up in your direction and just assumed that he was looking at you. Your hands were over your mouth, struggling to keep your whimpers to your self and a few tears escaped your eyes. He took off his sunglasses and smiled widely at you. Wiping your tears with your hands, you smiled back at him as if you were saying, “I knew you could do it. I'm so fucking proud of you, Mori.”

After your sweet faraway encounter, his former team mates called his name so they could go on in the festival but before joining them, you swore you saw him wink at you and that almost made your knees give up. If you could control yourself around him using his charms back in highschool, but now your resistance was still the same but his charms blew up to a hundred.

You continued to walk towards the school library. You probably spent two hours there, reading books that you read back in highschool.

But then your feet dragged you to the shelf where you first met the love of your life. The wooden stool was still there and you used it to reach and grab the same Physics book. You stepped down and stayed standing there as you flip through the pages. Various solutions you and Mori did in pieces of papers were still stuck in the pages. Looks like no one used this but us?

The light dimmed as you felt him move towards you making you remember your first encounter. You waited for him to strike a conversation and he did in the most cheesy way, “Who would've thought I'd meet my mushroom in the library of all places?”

You smiled at the memory. You tried so hard to refrain yourself from jumping on him and instead replied, “You're a strange, happy man and you have my heart.”

He snaked his arms around you and placed his chin on your shoulder. Sighing contently, you relaxed in his arms and leaned your weight on him. It was the same warmth from your highschool days. The same feeling of being protected. But one thing changed. The amount of love and affection emitting from his body towards you was different. He then placed a long and loving kiss on your shoulder and whispered, “I found you.”

You smiled at his words and shook your head. You turned your head to look up at him because he grew a lot taller than you and kissed his jaw, “We found each other, Morisuke.”

You and Mori spent an hour solving problems and equations again until you both realized it was already near dark.

“Love, come. I heard awhile ago that there's gonna be a firework display in about.. ” he trailed as he looked at his watch, reading the time, “probably in a minute.”

You stood in front of the window nearest to the door and Mori placed himself behind you, giving you another back hug. Not that you're complaining. Without your knowledge, the rest of the volleyball team was behind you, phones ready. Mori, sensing that someone's watching and feeling the urge to hold you in his arms, he pulled you into a deep kiss just after the fireworks display started.

You heard some clicking of cameras followed by a series of 'fuck's, 'keep it down's, and you don't doubt one bit that you heard Kuroo saying, “Lev, are you dumb?”

But then you felt Mori smirk into the kiss. Just as he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours, you asked, “You knew they were here, didn't you?”

He chuckled lightly, sending the butterflies in your stomach go into frenzy as he gave you a peck on the lips. He replied, “Or maybe I just missed you.”

“Smooth lines, Russian boy!”

“Finally grew some balls.”

“Can we go home now? It's nearly 9 o'clock.”

And a sudden thought zapped through your brain: your niece.

You looked at Mori with sadness and disappointment and said sincerely, “M-Mori, I know you're a busy man but I need to go home. I promised my niece that—”

Kuroo interrupted your sentence and asked, “Is this your niece?” and you saw that she had her legs dangling on Kuroo's shoulders.

“Y/N-neesan? Kuroo-niichan said they'd keep me safe and walk me home. I'd choose them over you everytime so go out with Yaku-nii,” the little devil of a niece you have said straight to your face.

—

Mori didn't let go of your hand even while he was driving. He'd place soft kisses whenever there's a stop sign, draw soothing circles, and throw secret glances of adoration when the road's clear.

And you just enjoyed his touch. After 7 years, he's finally back, and this time, you won't ever let him go.

After a while, Mori parked his car in an underground parking lot and rode a lift to his penthouse, all while still holding your hand.

“And welcome to my humble abode in Japan,” he said as he opened the door to his penthouse for you to come in. Humble wasn't even the right word to describe the place. It was huge enough for a family of maybe 5 or 7.. or maybe 10.

You blushed at that thought and Mori noticed this. Assuming that you're just feeling hot, he asked, “Do you maybe.. want to take a shower?”

“Oh, uhm.. ” you trailed off, thinking if a shower would do you good or just make your blush worse when you see the products he uses everyday.

Mori wasn't used to this side of you and he's kinda liking it. You're so sensitive and vulnerable when he's around when in fact back in highschool, you'd shout and scold him like how he scolds Lev.

“Mori?” you called out as you remember you didn't have any spare clothes. “Could I borrow one of your shirts?”

You heard movements from outside the bathroom of his room and heard him say, “Come out. You can wear this.”

Clutching on to your towel, you eyed the shirt laid on the bed. It was his jersey when he joined the Japan National VB Team. It covered until your mid-thigh so you didn't find the issue of not wearing shorts.

Standing up, he kissed your forehead, “I'll take a shower, too. You go rummage my kitchen for dinner.”

After whipping up something simple for dinner, you come back to his room to call him but your eyes were met with Mori's more defined back muscles with water droplets reflecting the light in the room and being absorbed by the white towel loosely hung around his hips.

He didn't notice your presence because he was too immersed texting someone on his phone. You climbed on the bed and crawled up behind him.

You slowly snaked you arms around his torso. With your fingers tracing the lines along his abs, you said with a pout, “I thought you missed me, Morisuke Yaku.”

“I do, my love. I really do. Let me just.. ” and he started typing on his phone again. You didn't want this one. He always had his eyes on you ever since highschool. And now he won't look at you even if you're clinging onto his back?

Lightly grazing your fingertips on his toned stomach, you wrapped your legs around his waist as well, as you whispered in his ear the three words you haven't exchanged in years, “I love you.”

He laughed and blushed. Putting his arm around your shoulder and giving you a peck on the lips, “I'm still very much in love with you.”

Feeling a little bolder, you shower him with kisses on his jaw, arm, neck, and the area near his ear. “A-Ah.. ”

You smirked at this new found discovery. You wondered if his ears are sensitive as well and you tested it out. Licking the outlines of his ear and nibbled the top part while sneaking whispers of ‘I love you's’ here and there. His breathing was erratic, sensitive to your tongue. His moans became harder to suppress as you make lewd wet noises with and in his ear. You kissed it tenderly, pulled away, and laughed.

His nape was warm colored with a tinge of light pink. Continuing to tease him more, your hands found and cupped his pecs, holding him in place as you breathe slowly trying to steady his breathing. “Who would've thought the great Morisuke Yaku's weakness is getting his ear lick—”

He faced you and plopped you on the bed. His towel falling down as he hovered over you. You roamed your eyes over his hot body and just as you were about to see his package, you heard his deep voice dangerously near your ear, “Eyes on me, princess. Feeling my cock molding your tight and pretty pussy into the shape of it is much better than to look, don't you agree?”

You were waiting for this day to come. For Morisuke to be your first. “Well, are you just all bark and no bite? Come at me,” you boldly said as you raise your hips to find any form of friction for your aching pussy.

“Ah, ah, ah,” he mockingly said as he lifted his lower half up away from yours. “Come at you or come inside you? Your choice, baby,” his hands started to glide up under his shirt you were wearing.

His finger purposely grazing the area near your erect nipple. Just as you were about to moan, he placed his hand on the curve of your waist, drawing circles on your stomach with his thumb. He showed you his perfect set of white then his smirk, eyes squinting with amusement, “If you won't choose, I won't even touch you all night.”

You pout at him upon hearing his words, thinking it might charm him the way he was whipped during highschool and expecting he knows your answer. His thumb moved along your lower lip and you sucked it lightly while showing him your pleading eyes. He scoffed playfully and said, “Acting cute won't make me give what you want. Use your pretty little mouth, baby doll.”

With that, you kneeled by the bed and made him sit in front of you. You grabbed the base of his erect dick, pubic hair tickling the side of your palm.

“Y/N, you don't have to—” you kissed the tip glowing in a dark shade of pink, same as your boyfriend's lips. “F-Fuck.. I'm sensitive there.” You took that as a sign to continue torturing his tip.

Your teeth grazed near the slit then you licked it, overpowering the pain by pleasure. Spitting in your hand, you used that to smoothly pump his hard cock. You looked up at him, a perfect moaning mess: his disheveled hair, sweaty torso, teeth doing a not so good job at keeping his moans at bay.

You pumped him harder, your other hand massaging his balls. “C'mon, baby. Let me hear you moan when I'm making you feel good.”

As you tried to take his whole length inside your mouth, the tip hitting the back of your throat, he fired a handful of your hair and pushed you down, forcing you to take it whole.

“Your mouth feels so fucking warm, so fucking good,” he moaned as you gagged, unswallowed saliva dripping from your mouth. “I'm gonna fuck your hot mouth cunt and cum.”

You bobbed your head up and down in a fast pace, loud and hot groans from Morisuke became your encouragement. You felt him tense and started to shudder in pleasure. Knowing he's close, you focused your tongue on the tip and used your hand to pump the rest of his length.

“I'm cumming.. cumming, princess!” he moaned as he grabbed your head with his two hands, steadying you to shoot his cum inside your mouth.

He leaned back, propping his elbows. Not knowing where to spit, you swallowed probably half of his load when he offered to spit it on his hands.

“That was disgusting. How can people swallow that shit?” you looked at him with disgust as he washed his hands in the sink.

He walked towards you and placed you on the bed underneath him, “Well, Ms. Genius, ejaculation is part of the males' normal discharge.”

Before you could reply, he claimed your lips. He pushed your shirt up just enough to reveal your breasts with perky nipples ready for your boyfriend to nip and suck them as you moan underneath him. His hand travelled south and spreads your wet folds with his index and ring finger, the middle one is circling around your aching hole, ready to enter.

You bucked your hips, eager and impatient for his finger to enter you. And just then, he inserted his middle finger in your hot cunt, clenching around him as he enters you.

“If you're already this tight for just one finger, I wonder how good this tight pussy will wrap around my cock.” The image passed through your mind and clenched harder as he moved his finger in and out of you.

You were moaning, pulling his soft brown hair as he fingered you to heaven. “A-Ahh, fuck! Right there, Mori.. ” He briefly hit the sensitive spot in your cunt.

You let out a whimper as he took his finger out but let out a breathy moan as he positioned himself at your aching entrance.

Cupping your cheek, he looked into your eyes and said, “This will hurt but keep your eyes on me, okay?” You nodded in response as he put the tip in.

He took your hand, intertwining with yours and propped one elbow beside your head and his other hand guiding his length into you, you moaned out his name as he stretched your virgin walls.

“M-Mori, you're too big.. ” he kissed your lips as he enters you inch by inch. He groans into the kiss when you squeeze him. “Relax, baby. You'll milk me dry even before I put my whole dick inside you.”

After tons of moans and grunts, he was finally balls deep inside you. As you get accustomed to his size, you can't help but squeeze him inside you again. “S-Stop that, I'm gonna cum,” and you continued to clench around him as if testing if what he said was true.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” he buried his head in the crook of your neck as he shot his load straight to your womb. Followed by his sexy moans and the feeling of his warm seed inside you made you cream his dick good.

“Fuck, Y/N, you're too good,” he said and started to move just after you both came making you both sensitive and a moaning mess.

You wrapped your legs, heels against his firm ass as he drilled your drenching pussy. “Morisuke, Morisuke.. ” you chanted and moaned his name as you were nearing your second orgasm.

With Yaku sucking on and nibbling on the skin of your delicate neck, you convulsed beneath him as he continues to thrust in you, chasing his own release. After a few more hard pumps, he buried his seed inside you for the second time. “That was so fucking good. It makes up for the seven years we've been masturbating separately, no?” he said as he laid his head on your chest.

You ran your hand to the previously slicked back hair of his and hummed to agree.

Morisuke placed a kiss on your chest, where your heart is, and said, “Let's be together until they run out of problems in Science, my love?”

You grabbed his hand, kissed it, and placed it on your cheek, “For a lifetime, my sweet.”

Masterlist

[words-for-holland]

Happier (7) | T.H.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Summary: Y/N ultimately makes a choice that might just change the game. Tom is out with Natalie and LOTS of questions are asked. Is Unknown back for more mischief?

A/N: Wow 7 already?? Thanks again for the support!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Masterlist

Choices

No one goes through life without have to make choices. Sometimes, the choice is easy, but other times it becomes the most difficult, nervewrecking thing one can come across. The worst part...there’s no one to blame but yourself if you choose wrong. The day Y/N broke up with Tom was the most difficult and heartbreaking choice she could have ever done. But what would you do if you were given the option of saving everything your boyfriend had worked for his entire life and breaking both your hearts for a time being?

Now as Y/N lays in bed, surrounded by darkness and her two friends, she is left with another difficult choice. “This was your home. Your real home is in London with us.” Harrison’s words repeat in her head. “So what do you say?”

Her mind reminisces to every amazing moment she’s had in London. All the laughter, adventures, and love she’s shared with every one; it was everything Y/N could have wanted. Then she thought of Tom, and how her feelings were amplified with him. He made her feel more alive, but now miles and hearts apart, life was lifeless. The bad memories start to flood, reminding her of why she was back here in the first place.The messages, the media...Natalie. It made her sick to a point she had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom in order to cleanse away the energy.

As Y/N washed her face and looked in the mirror, she couldnt help but notice something strange in her reflection. “Yes, that’s exactly how you look when you’ve been betrayed and heartbroken.” A voice spoke out. Y/N displayed a look of confusion. It certainly wasn’t Harry or Harrison voice. The voice was femine. In fact...it sounded a little bit like...

“Hello? Earth to Y/N! I’m right here!” The voice exclaimed, as Y/N turned around to the sink and saw a version of herself.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Y/N screams, backing up and hitting the cream colored wall.

“Calm down. It’s just your concious.” Y/N’s subconcious, casually stated as she took a sip off a nonexistant champagne glass. She was definitely dressed more classier than Y/N and her attitude was straight to the point. Traits Y/N had always wished she had.

“I definitely must be losing my mind.” Y/N shakes her head, her face plastered in disbelief. She takes a seat on the floor and starts to cradle her head.

“Oh sweetie, you’re not losing your mind. You just need help making another big decision in your life.” Her subconcious smiles, sitting down properly as she plays with her glass.

“Yeah...and where were you when I was breaking down because I had to choose leaving Tom or saving his career?” Y/N challenged as she picked her head up to look at her fiery clone.

“Well, I was hoping you’d have made the right choice then, but clearly looks like you’re incapable of doing that... so here I am.” Y/N’s subconcious gestures with a smile. “So? What’s it gonna be? Staying here or London with your man?” She asks fliratiously when she indirectly mentions Tom. “Here’s a hint. If you’re choosing to stay here, you’re choosing wrong.”

Y/N glares at her subconsious, her eyes filling up with annoyance. “Are you serious right now? After everything that’s happened...you want me to go back to London? God, I feel like a broken record. Why doesnt anyone get it?!”

“No, I think the real question is why dont you get it?” Her subconcious snaps. She stands up and moves closer to Y/N staring into her eyes, as if she was pulling out an inner truth. “You know that whole relationship is a ruse. You know Tom still loves you, and you’re the one spending all this useless time, trying to find an answer that you and I both know.”

Y/N stares down at the tiled floor, eyes welling up with tears. Her subconcious continues, “if you’re still thinking about those stupid messages and Unknown, just stop. Stop the bullshit. At some point in your life, you’re going to have to face the fear, the insecurities, and the threats. It’s a part of your life, and if you let that stop you, you’ll be miserable like this for as long as you live. Think about it.”

With a snap of her fingers, her subconcious disappeared and Y/N was left alone in the bathroom. The time ticking away as she stood silently deciding her future.

Back in London, Tom and Natalie had been give a stunt to pull off at the Kingston Farmers Market, where on even the rainiest day, the small quaint shops display their finest produce and trinkets. As the lovely couple make their way down the streets, Natalie wraps her arms around Tom’s as she snuggles into his neck to keep warm. Tom smiles at the gesture, but those that knew him, could easily point out it was the smile reserved for work.

As they walk hand in hand, Tom observes all the small stands and their beautiful displays, but one stopped him in his tracks completely. It was a small sweets stand that showcased their finest desserts and pastries. He remembered it very well from 3 years ago. After all, this was the exact spot where Y/N and Tom had their first date.

He rememebered the stroll they took as they walked down the cobbled road with all the wooden stalls lined up on each side. How Y/N ‘s tiny hand had fit perfect in his, fingers laced together, as they lightly swung back and forth. Tom could hear her laughing as she was telling him a story about her embarassing moments with her childhood friends. He remembered listening intently and smiling back, telling Y/N she was something else in the best way possible. Tom remembered how she stopped at this very spot, where he and Natalie now stood today.

“Do you want to take a look?” Tom asked, smiling as he saw Y/N looking at the desserts and pastries as if they were her first love. “You’re practically drooling.” He joked, only to get a slight shove from her.

“Am not!” Y/N laughs, keeping her eyes focused on the desserts. “Just admiring the view.”

“Ouch. Here I thought I was the view all along” Tom responds, putting a hand on his wounded heart. A moment of silence passed, but it was anything but akward. They smiled, looking into each others eyes. Tom took notice of every little detail that made up her delicate, soft face. He took her hand again as he lead her to the stall. “C’mon, lets see if we can find something to satisfy that sweet tooth of yours.”

As the two looked carefully at the display, one caught his eyes. It was big enough to share, shaped in a heart, and the best part...covered in chocolate and whipped cream. “How cheesy.” Y/N says as he picks it up.

Tom froze, his cheeks turning a slight pink. “Is it?”, he questions as he was about to put it back until Y/N stopped him.

“Cheesy, but in a good way.” Y/N says as she takes the pastry and hands it over to the cashier. Tom smiles at her, letting out a soft chuckle as he pays for it. They split it in half as they took a big bite, making sure to get every element of the pastry. It was soft, sweet, mushy, and crunchy all that the same time. As they each pulled away from the dessert, Tom noticed a little bit of cream lingering at the top of her lips. “You got a little something there.” Tom laughs pointing to where it was.

Y/N tried to lick it off, unsuccessfully as Tom shakes his head. He comes in closer leaning in as his lips touched hers, making an effort to wipe off the cream. Their lips lingered for a few seconds, slowing and reluctantly parting away. He could never forget how soft her lips were, and how a thousand butterflies exploded the moment he first kissed her at that very stand.

“Better?” She asks as she looks down, hiding her rather giddy smile.

“Better than I could have imagined.”

It was in that moment, Tom had woken up from his daydream of the past. “Tom! C’mon! You could at least act like you’re interested in me for the cameras.” Natalie snaps him out, showing evidence of annoyance. She grabbed his arm again as they walked towards the sweet stall, tainting the memories of Y/N and Tom’s first date. Natalie’s face softens as she looks at the display and then looks at Tom as he eyes the one pastry. “Look I’m sorry. I didnt mean to lash out like that. It’s just..I’m really trying to help you get over this and make you feel better, while being in this situation, but you’re not really helping me out here.”

“I’m sorry Natalie. Im just...not really feeling up to this.” Tom admits as he looks at Natalie with a solemn smile.

Natalie rolls her eyes, as she hears the same response from him for the 50th time since the fiasco happened. “Tom, I get you’re still heartbroken and all I told you Im trying to be here for you, especially since Harrison and Harry are god knows where. But I need some effort on your end. Plus you did agree to do the PR.”

Tom looks at her with digust, glaring into her dull brown eyes. “Only because your publicist threatened me pictures of Y/N and some bloke she was with!”

Natalie crosses her arms listening to Tom as if it wasn’t a big deal. “You mean her new boyfriend? And my publicist never threatend you. She just...simply stated facts.”

“He isn’t her boyfriend!” He says as his voice starts to boom with anger. “And I was stupid enough to believe it and wait for Y/N to say it herself. She told me your publicist worked with Y/N’s friend and sent it in...Is it true?”

Natalie looks at him, frozen with fear, her top lip shaking just a little. “You know? She called you?” She asks.

“It doesn’t matter if she did or didnt. Is it true?” Toms asks again.

“I don’t know Tom. I know only as much as you during that meeting. And why would you believer what comes out of her mouth. Maybe she’s playing you. She broke your heart and I dont see why she wouldn’t do it again by manipulating you with facts that could or couldn’t be true.” Natalie speaks out as she continues to look away. “C’mon the paparazzi are here.”

Tom looks at her in disbelief, scoffing at her response. He drops his arm from her hands as he walks away. Natalie stands there watching him, as she felt her phone vibrate.

Unknown

Pushing him away, pushes away your dreams ❤️

Natalie stares at the notification, her face turninng pale as if she had seen a ghost. This wasn’t how the game was supposed to work, and yet here she was. She knew exactly what the text meant and perhaps even worse...knew exactly who it came from, which made it all more impossible to fight back.

A few days had passed, and Tom comes down to the kitchen to see Harrison and Harry entering the house setting down their luggages and bags. “And where the hell did you two divs go?” Tom questions them, evidently pissed off that they both went somewhere without a word. He was ready to say more when he saw Y/N walk through the doors with her baggage in hand. To say he was surprised was an understatement. In fact he was shocked, over the moon. He discreetly piched himself to see if he was dreaming. He certaintly was not. Y/N was here.

“Y/N” was all he could manage out. “I..I..”. It had been months since he last saw her, and yet she still looked beautiful even if she had no makeup and showed signs of distress. It broke his heart immensely to see her in this state.

“Dont get too excited. Im only here cause Harrison and Harry wouldn’t leave me alone if I didnt come.” Y/N grumbles as she brings her stuff in.

Natalie heads down the stairs to join the group, eqUally as shocked to see Y/N back. “Oh...you’re..you’re back.” She states nervously and clearly annoyed. Everything they had set up was no longer going according to plan.

“I am. I’m gonna go set my stuff up in the attic.” Y/N speaks out as she awkwardly makes her way upstairs.

“You know what. I’m sure you boys have a lot to talk about, so I’ll just make my way to my room.” Natalie quickly says, disappearing from the room.

Tom, Harry, and Harrison were left in the room. All three staring down at each other. “You went to see her?” Tom spits out. “And didn’t tell me?”

“Tom. We need to talk.” Harrison says as he sits him down ready to speak out on everything that has been waiting to be brought to light.

Taglist:

@hollanddolanfangirl @ifilosemyselfagain @hevjadams @averyfosterthoughts​ @fangirl-with-a-mission @drishtisikarwar @eridanuswave​ @ifntelyinspirit @trumpettay @astridcommings @parkershoco @racewife2004 @sleepybesson @greatpizzascissorstaco @andievgs @joyleenl @holland-bowen @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

[missperfectlyfine13]

Could This Be Something Real? (Chap. 5/?)

Read below or on AO3

“Breaking up” with Beca…no scratch that, “dating” Beca was seemingly one of the biggest mistakes Chloe has ever made.

She should have known better when she offered to fake date that she would only end up hurt. Although she never thought she would end up madly in love with the girl. With how strong her feelings were…are, Chloe’s surprised she didn’t realize how she felt about her best friend sooner. It took them to actually date for her to realize.

Chloe has spent the last few days crying it out and trying to figure out where she went wrong. It’s clear Beca feels something for her but every time they took it a step further she pulled back. Was she coming on to strong? Did she scare Beca? Or did she read her completely wrong? Maybe Beca doesn’t like her like that at all. Maybe they’re destined to only ever be friends, although that might have even been ruined during their fall out.

They haven’t talked since it happened. Which is why Chloe is utterly confused right now.

B: I have a huge favor to ask

She stares down at her phone, at a text from Beca, for what seems like forever. She really shouldn’t answer it, but her fingers twitch over the keyboard betrayingly so.

C: What?

B: I hate to ask you this…but I really need you to be my date one more time

She’s unbelievable. What part of ‘I’m done’, doesn’t she get?

C: For what?

She could chop her own fingers off, that was not the response she wanted to send.

B: A charity event to help homeless LGBT youth…I know it’s random, but I told them I would bring you a long time ago, they were really excited to have us

Of course, it has to be for the kids, way to tug on her heart strings. Even so, Chloe should say no, she should tell her no, put her phone down and walk away.

C: When is it?

Yet again, her fingers betray her.

B: This Friday night

C: Ok but because it’s for the kids…and this is the last time Beca!

B: Omg thank you so much Chlo. I swear this will be the last time

Chloe groans, throwing her phone down on the sofa next to her. What did she just get herself into?

************

Friday night rolls around and Chloe is staring at herself in the full-length mirror in Beca’s bathroom. Beca had asked her to come over and get ready at her house, since her hair and makeup team would be there. Chloe had begrudgingly agreed.

They really did a wonderful job though, and her gown is absolutely gorgeous. She swears she’s never been in a more beautiful article of clothing. It’s floor length and baby blue, it’s a princess style cut, that frames her figure perfectly.

The moment she sees Beca though, she has to remind herself that she’s supposed to be angry at her. It’s hard when she looks so radiant. She’s in a dress similar to Chloe’s, but it’s a cream color and a bit slimmer than hers. Her hair is pinned up in intricate curls. It’s altogether far more feminine and girly than Beca ever dresses. It makes Chloe wonder why she chose it, it’s definitely not her norm.

“You look really nice,” Chloe manages to breathe out, her throat has gone dry at the sight of the girl before her.

“So do you,” Beca compliments her back, her eyes wandering up and down Chloe’s form.

It’s the most they’ve spoken to each other since Chloe arrived 3 hours ago. It makes Chloe unbelievably sad that this is what it’s come to. She used to talk to Beca all day, she told her everything.

“Well, we should get going,” Beca says abruptly, leading the way out to the car waiting for them.

************

Chloe is realizing that she’s been in this situation a few too many times now. It feels eerily similar to the moment that broke them a week ago. Except there’s a bite of hostility between the two. She hopes it’s not palpable enough for anyone to notice.

Beca has a had a few too many drinks…well so has Chloe and everything is starting to feel all too comfortable. Even with the bad vibes, Beca is a little too handsy. Choe is giving into it more than she would like. Beca is due to give a speech on her experience being part of the LGBT community very soon and Chloe is starting to wonder if she’ll be coherent enough to not make a fool of herself.

“Bec, you really should lay off the drinks for a bit. Why don’t we get you some water or a soda,” Chloe grabs the short tumbler of amber liquid from the brunette’s hands.

“You’re not my mom Chloe,” Beca pouts but lets Chloe take the glass from her anyway.

“You’re right I’m not your mom…I’m your girlfriend,” Chloe’s voice drips with sarcasm as she says it, “and someone has to make sure you’re with it for your speech.”

Beca’s face softens at the mention of her speech, “Oh shit, do I sound drunk?”

Chloe shakes her head no, “You’re fine, but you’ve just slurred a few words. Drink some water and try to sober up quick.”

She doesn’t drink any water, just sits at their table with her arms crossed over her chest. Chloe doesn’t really know what her problem is tonight, but at least she’s not drinking any more.

The time finally comes for Beca to make her speech and Chloe watches carefully as Beca makes her way up onto the platform. She only missteps once, hopefully no one suspects that she’s as tipsy as she is. She starts to speak and honestly, she really is doing a great job. She’s a little looser, sharing a little more than she normally would but in this case it’s ok. Just when Chloe is sure she’s done and is going to make her way back, Beca points a finger out into the audience, in Chloe’s general direction. This can’t be good…

“One more thing before I head off the stage, I want to give a big shout out and thank you to my wonderful girlfriend Chloe.”

In a matter of seconds, hundreds of faces turn to look at Chloe. She squirms under the sudden attention.

“Without her…I would be nothing. She’s beautiful, kind, so caring and she makes me happy every single day. I love you more than you will ever know Chloe.”

The crowd erupts into oohs and ahhs at Beca’s little dedication. Chloe’s face instantly heats up at the words. Did she really mean that? Was it for show? Or was it the inner workings of a drunk Beca? Either way, Chloe can’t help the way her hands are shaking, or her pulse is racing.

After what feels like a century, Beca finally makes it back to their spot. She slides onto the chair next to Chloe, beaming ear to ear.

“So, how’d I do?” she gives her a toothy grin.

“Beca…why did you say that?” Chloe’s voice quivers as she asks it.

Beca’s hand slides onto the top of Chloe’s leg, the younger woman gazes into her eyes, “Because I love you Chlo.”

This is getting almost cruel, Chloe can’t help the tears that are already in the corner of her vision, ready to spring free.

“Don’t say that,” Chloe looks down at her lap, where Beca’s hand still lays.

“Why?” she actually looks like she doesn’t get it.

Chloe sighs deeply, “Don’t say that unless you actually mean it…my heart can’t take much more of this.”

There’s a flash of recognition on Beca’s face, she seems to instantly sober up, “Wait…Chloe. Do you have feelings for me?”

Chloe actually laughs at the question, “Oh my god Bec, did it really take you this long to figure it out?”

Beca just looks back at her dumbly, not able to form any coherent speech. The cats out of the bag, so Chloe figures she might as well keep going.

“That’s why I asked to break up. I can’t stand to pretend that you’re mine for one more day. I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but I can’t help how I feel,” the red head quickly justifies her words and gets ready to receive the world’s biggest heart break.

Instead of being quietly rejected, Chloe finds herself being dragged away from their table, towards the bathrooms. Beca hasn’t found her words yet but apparently knows what she wants, the way she had grabbed Chloe’s hand and pulled her up from her seat. Beca drags her into the bathroom, Chloe sighs in relief when she sees that it’s seemingly vacant.

Before Chloe can even ask why Beca dragged her here, the brunette surges forward and captures Chloe’s lips with her own. Chloe kisses her back hungrily, not caring that they are in a public restroom where anyone could walk in. Her heart soars and her entire body tingles. The kiss is packed with every ounce of emotion both girls have held in for weeks. It’s nothing like any of their other kisses. Chloe can feel that this is real.

Beca breaks away for a second to mumble against Chloe’s lips, “I love you so damn much Chlo.”

Chloe whimpers before pulling Beca back into her, her tongue begs for entrance into the other girl’s mouth, which she is quickly granted. She feels herself being slowly guided backwards, until her back collides with cool tile and she hears the click of a stall door. The newfound privacy makes Beca spring into action, her hands wandering all over Chloe’s body. Chloe can’t help the loud moan that reverberates throughout the bathroom when Beca’s lips leave hers to trail down the side of her neck. As quickly as her lips make the descent down Chloe’s neck, her hand finds it’s way to a cloth and sequin covered breast.

Even with the onslaught of sensations, Chloe manages to breathily make her own feelings known, “I love you too Bec.”

Beca moans into her skin and her hands take a firmer hold on her breasts. Chloe squirms under her touch, already embarrassingly turned on. She doesn’t want this to happen in a bathroom stall, not their first time. So, when Beca drops to her knees, Chloe grabs her hands and forces her to look up.

“Not like this Bec, come back up here,” she says softly, her body is screaming at her for stopping but they can’t, not here.

Beca looks disappointed, but Chloe pulls her into a slow, lazy kiss.

“I want this Beca, believe me I do, but not in a bathroom stall, fully clothed.”

Beca nods understandingly, “You’re right, I feel the same.”

Beca leans back in to kiss Chloe deeply, pulling her as close as she can.

“You want to get out of here?” Beca pulls away and asks.

“Don’t you have to kind of be here?” Chloe quirks an eyebrow.

Beca shakes her head, “Not anymore, I did my part.”

“Oh ok, let’s go then,” Chloe gives her a small smile.

Beca grabs her hand and leads them from the stall and the bathroom. Chloe feels like she’s glowing she’s so happy. She’s not sure what this means for them yet, but Beca feels the same. Beca loves her and that’s all Chloe has ever wanted.

[please-buckme]

Him or Me. - Bi Ani x reader x male partner

Authors note: This is definitely a favorite of mine. I really took a step out of my comfort zone and I really enjoyed writing Anakin in this new and different way!

⚠️Warning: explicit, cursing

3,631 words

It's was a Saturday night and you had just gotten off work. You lived in a small town so everyday was the same here. Every Saturday you and all your friends met at the diner in town, Dex's. It was run by an older couple who make every Saturday a $2 cheeseburger night for teens, their way of keeping you and all your friends out of trouble and to caught up on all the gossip around town.

Before you went to hangout with your friends you decided it'd be best to run home and freshen up. You took a quick shower and put on your favorite outfit which consisted of: high waisted ripped skinnies; a red and white, cotton, striped shirt and a light blue jean jacket. You felt

dork-ish-ly cool when you wore this outfit, almost badass.

After applying some red lipstick to your lips, to match your shirt, you grabbed your purse and flew down the stairs. Once you got into your car you text your best friend, Ahsoka.

Hey bitch I'm on my way. :p

Btw don't tell Ani. He thinks I'm still at work. I wanna surprise him.

With that you put your phone away and headed to the diner. You were in a great mood. Saturday was always the best day of the week to you. You got to work at the supermarket in town with all your work friends, which you loved, and got to spend the rest of the night hanging with your friends and your amazing boyfriend, Anakin.

You and Anakin had been dating for 3 happy years and you wouldn't trade him for anything. Ahsoka was your best friend but you weren't close to anyone like you were Anakin. You were the couple that finished each other's sentences and wore matching costumes on Halloween. You loved him and he loved you. Your life couldn't be anymore perfect and you didn't want it to be. Every aspect of your life was amazing.

After about a 5 minute drive that like an hour, you finally arrived At Dex's. You practically leaped our of your car you were so excited to see everyone, but most of all Anakin. You walked in saying hello to everyone you passed until you saw Ahsoka in the corner booth in the back, you made your way to her.

"Finally!" Ahsoka exclaimed throwing her arms up in the air for you to hug her. "You made it. I've been dying here without you."

"I know I'm sorry! I had to go home and change out of my uniform." You say whilst hugging her. "Did you order me a shake?" You asked pulling away from the hug to smile mischievously at Ahsoka. She reaches behind her and hands you a delicious chocolate shake, your favorite.

"Annnnddd that's why I love you." You say before taking the shake from her and bring the straw up to your mouth for a sip. "Where's Ani?" You ask in between sips. You looked around the restaurant but didn't see him.

"Um I think I saw him go to the bathroom but that was forever ago." She said popping her head up to look for him too.

"Well I don't see him anywhere else." You state getting a little frustrated now. Had he left? He didn't know you were coming so he may have. You thought to yourself. "Should I go check the bathroom? Maybe he's sick."

"I guess if you want to. I'm not brave enough to go into their bathroom. Boys are disgusting." Ahsoka says with a chuckle. You took one last sip of your milkshake then headed to the bathrooms. You tried to be a little sneaky going into the boys bathroom so people didn't think you were going in there for other reasons. You slowly went in trying not to make a sound till the door was shut.

"Anakin?" You whispered. "Anakin are you in here?" You didn't get a response but you could hear faint moaning coming from the handicap stall. You could till it was Anakin because the sound of him moaning was your favorite soundtrack on a hot summer night.

He must be sick. You thought.

You walked up to the stall and put your hand out to open the door. "Ani, are you okay?" You asked before opening the door. You opened it slowly but immediately wish you hadn't. There you saw someone else giving your boyfriend head. You gasp in shock and Anakin rolls his head back finally making eye contact with you. It took him a second to realize it was you but when he did he pushed the other guy to the floor and shot up. "A-alex?" Alex was your science partner. He would always tell you how cute Anakin was and how luck you were to be with him. You never thought he actually had feelings for your boyfriend let alone your boyfriend having feelings for him.

"Oh my god, (Y/N) no this isn't what you think." Anakin says zipping his pants.

"It isn't?" Alex spat back in response to Anakin's allegation whilst wiping his mouth.

"H-how could you? How could either of you?" You stood there blank unable to move. All you wanted to do was run, run as fast as you can, but you can't. You all of a sudden let out a breath you didn't realize you were holding in. "I- I- I don't know. I don't know what to think. I- I have to go." You convince your feet that it was time to leave and you walk out of there as fast as you can. You can hear Ahsoka and Anakin calling for you to wait but you physically could not stop. You had to get out of there. You get to the front of the diner and realize it's pouring outside but it didn't matter, there's no way in hell you'd wait it out here with Anakin. You start to fumble with your keys, unlocking the door to your car. Once you get it open you hop inside and turn on the ignition. And for a moment you just sat there in your car. The song that you were listening to before you went into the diner came on and it's almost like it sent you into a trance. You suddenly realize that you'd been so stunned by the events that just took place that you hadn't been crying. You reach your finger up to your face to wipe one single tear from your rosy cheeks. You stare at the tear for what felt like forever, letting it trickle down your finger.

Then everything hit you all at once. Everything. The first time you met Anakin, prom, graduation, his first car, your first car; everything you'd done in both your cars. You now felt every single burning tear that stained your cheeks. You let out a loud scream, you think. You were in such a trance you couldn't even hear your own voice.

"(Y/N)?" You could barely hear your name being called from outside your car. "(Y/N)! Can we please talk? Please?" You finally come out of your trance to see Anakin's beautiful figure standing over your car. Even when he's distraught in the pouring rain, he still manages to be the most luminous boy you'd ever laid eyes on. "Open the door (Y/N)!"

You shook your head violently before putting the car in drive and bolting out of the parking lot.

You were so overwhelmed. You were a blubbering mess. You looked into your rear view mirror and didn't recognize the person starring back at you. Your red lipstick was smeared all around your lips and your eyes were so blood shot that they turned into a faint shade of green. It was raining, you were crying and you couldn't see 2 feet in front of you but you didn't care. You new these roads well enough to drive blindfolded.

You weren't driving home, no. Too many memories of you and Anakin in your room and it also didn't help that there were pictures of him on every wall, even pictures of him and you lining the wall going up the stairs. Your parents loved him too, so you knew they'd want to talk to you about it and you had no idea what you could've told them. Truthfully, though, you weren't ready to talk to anyone about anything at this point.

So, you drove over to the supermarket that you worked at and gathered up a bunch of supplies and food to 'camp out' for a couple of days. You had a spot that you thought of as your own in the nearby wilderness park. There were never any tire tracks leading up to it and you'd never seen anyone else drive out that far. You'd go there time to time when things weren't great. Whether it be bullies at school or a fight with Anakin, this was your safe place. Anakin is the only person who knows about your spot. He wanted to know where you would disappear to and you trusted him enough to show him. Memories of the night you spent there with him come rushing back.

~

"So this is the spot, huh?" Anakin asked picking up and throwing a rock.

"This is the spot." You say walking towards him. "You know, you're the only person I've ever had out here." You say kicking at the rocks.

"That must make me kind of special." He says closing the gap between him and you. "Thank you for showing me this part of your world. This view is almost as beautiful as you." He puts your hand in his kissing it gently.

"Wow. Cheesy but I'll take it." You say making him chuckle. His goofy chuckle always gave you goosebumps on your arms and butterflies in your stomach. "I love you, Ani." You say hesitantly, now holding your breath waiting for his reaction. He looks up at you with a smirk on his face.

"Love you too, princess."

SNAP OUT OF IT!

~

You are so mad at yourself for letting your thoughts betray you like that. What were you doing to yourself? Was this your mind telling you to turn around and go talk to Anakin?

NO!

You weren't going back. You start the car after putting all your items in car and you drive to your spot. Every song on the radio made you think of Anakin so you flipped it off.

Everywhere you looked you saw Anakin, the passenger seat where he spilt a whole thing of French fries in your floor board. "Ooo party fowl" you said teasing him. The backseat were you cried in his arms for the first time. You don't even remember why you were crying you just remember being wrapped up in his big strong arms as he combed his fingers through your hair. "I've got you baby. Is okay, I got you"

You scream at the top of your lungs, hearing it this time. You had hoped it would make all the memories go away. You just wanted to stop seeing his face in everything you do. You turned the radio back on just to drowned out your thoughts. You were now ugly crying and ugly singing, but you didn't care it was working.

~

You'd been out at your spot for about 1 1/2 days now and you loved it. You loved the singing birds in the morning, the swaying of the trees throughout the day and the smell of the fire at night. Your parents were very outdoorsy when you were younger so they taught you a lot about survival. You could set up a tent, build a fire, fish and even set up traps for wild animals, but you never could bring yourself to kill an innocent creatures. You got enough food and water at the store to last a couple days so you didn't have to live off the land.

For fun you'd been bird watching, hiking and every now and then you'd just.. scream. You'd scream till your voice was gone. You couldn't have cared less though, it felt so good just to let everything go. Ahsoka had been trying to contact you since the second you left Dex's. She had sent a few text asking where you were and that Anakin was losing his mind because You weren't talking to him. As he should be. You thought. Even with all the time you'd spent out here you still couldn't explain what you saw. Was Anakin ever actually in love with you? Were you his cover up? How long had him and Alex been 'hanging out'? Were they dating? Were you guys even dating anymore, or ever?

Now that you know you started putting the dots together. Anakin has been canceling on you more often and he would not let you touch his phone. You never minded it though because naively you trust him with every inch of your soul. How stupid.

You went on another hike to clear all the questions building up in your brain out. You pulled a leaf off one of the tree branches and started fiddling with it. You round it up and folded it until you decided to tear it to shreds. You sprinkled it through the air getting rid of the remanence. You had definitely gotten a little tan since being out here. To be honest you were feeling yourself. Your sweat made you glisten and the hiking and all the water had you feeling super healthy and clean.

You were almost back to you'd spot when you heard a car pull up. At first it scared you half to death. Who could that possibly be? You asked yourself. When you came around the corner you hid behind a nearby tree making sure it wasn't a stranger. But even worse than a stranger.. it was Anakin. Of course he knew you'd come here, he knew you better than anyone.

"(Y/N)? Are you going to come out from behind the tree or..?" You signed in defeat at his words. You slowly came around to be in front of the tree. You so badly wanted his embrace around you, once again stroking your hair and telling you it'd be alright but you couldn't.

"I'm definitely regretting bringing you up here." You say making your way up to him. "Why are you here, Anakin?" Your whole body was shaking but your voice was calm like nothing ever happened and you were fine.

"Because I was worried sick about you, (Y/N). Nobody knew where you were and I didn't find out your were missing until an hour ago. The second I found out you hadn't been seen since.. since.. you know, I got worried. We need to talk about it whether you like it or not, baby. I'm-" you cut him off.

"I know your 'sorry' honestly An-" he now cut you off.

"No no I'm not sorry for what I was doing. I mean yes I did it behind your back and I definitely didn't want you to find out like that. That I'm sorry about." He rubbed his neck. You could tell he was conflict but you still weren't quite sure what was going on.

"Find out what, Ani?" You asked hesitantly.

"Alex and I have been.. uh.. we've been seeing each other for a while, well 3 months. I've been dying to tell you for so long a just didn't know how." Anakin admitted.

"I don't know Ani I think letting me catch you with your pants around your ankles and your cock down his throat was the perfect way to tell me, so thank you. You really saved me on that one." You say in an aggressive tone. At this point you could say anything. Having time to clear your mind really helped you ease your nerves around him now.

"(Y/N) please hear me out." He pleaded with you.

"I'm all ears, baby." You spat back.

"I- I love you, I always have and I always will." You scoffed at his statement.

"You could've fooled me. Actually you know what you did fool me for 3 years, Skywalker."

"(Y/N) you don't understand. I love both of you. I love you both so much it drives me crazy. I want you both and I need you both. I don't know how to explain it but I never meant to hurt you in any way. I know it's too soon for you to forgive me but please try and understand." He's flustered trying to explain to you what's been going on. After he finished talking you realized you were crying. You wiped your tears away frantically trying to keep your composure.

"We were so happy, Ani. You were my best friend, my everything. Do you fully understand how heartbreaking this is for me? To know that I wasn't good enough so you had to go behind my back and meet someone new. I'm just supposed to come to terms with the fact that to you I'm not good enough all on my own. No I can't. I- I can't live like that Anakin." Your rush of emotion came back like a bolt of lightening. New, old memories of you and him together. The one so fresh to you was the one that started it all:

~

You were walking down the hall looking over your practice exam papers sense you had to test in an hour. You were totally flustered and consumed by all the knowledge that you forgot to watch where you were going.

All of a sudden you hit what felt like a brick wall. You fell to the floor as did all your papers. You frantically started to pick them up.

"Wow wow slow down. It's all going to be okay, I'll help." you heard the brick wall talking. You then look up to see THE Anakin Skywalker smiling down at you. This didn't help your mess of a mind at all. You were even MORE flustered now.

"I-Im so sorry. I must look like such a dork." You said trying to make some sort of  effort at a conversation.

"I wouldn't say a dork." He then looked into your eyes. "Okay, yeah, you look like a dork." He said before chuckling at himself. You punch his arm playfully. "A cute dork. You didn't let me finish." You started to blush. You looked down at the floor not being able to make eye contact with him. "I'm Ana-"

"Anakin Skywalker." You cut him off and brushed a piece of hair behind your ear. "I'm (Y/N). (Y/F/N) (Y/L/N)." You finally get all your papers off the floor and Anakin helps you stand up. "I'm sorry again for bumping into." You say fiddling with your hair again. "You should be. In fact you should feel so sorry that you have to go on a date with me this weekend." He says now fiddling with your hair as well.

"Why would you want to go out with me?" You asked stunned by what was transpiring.

"I guess you'll have to find out. Dex's 7pm Saturday. I'll see you there." Anakin then walked away and left you and the butterflies in your stomach to revel in the moment you two had shared.

~

When you finally snapped back to reality Anakin's arms were wrapped around you tight as you both stood there and cried. He was swaying you back and forth as he usually did when saying goodbye to you. This wasn't a goodbye hug, though. This hug was deeper, stronger. This was his physical way of saying sorry. You accepted it for a moment then pushed him away.

"I'm not sharing you Ani. I can't do it. It's either all me all the time or it's.. nothing." You stood there with your arms crossed waiting for an answer. He just stared at you. "Ani, him or me?" He almost seemed caught off guard by your question. You were puzzled that he couldn't answer. You had been with Anakin for 3 years. How could he not pick you? He put his hands over his face and started to cry even more. You could tell the decision was eating him up inside and you just starred as his mind tore him apart.

After what felt like hours you went up to him and grabbed his hands. His face, though still beautiful, was a mess. His whole face was red and you couldn't tell where the tears stopped and the snot began. He was hyperventilating a little so you started to breath with him trying to calm him down. Shouldn't I be the more upset one here? You thought. You gave him a sympathetic smile and tucked his knuckles under your chin. "I'm really gonna miss you Ani." You could feel yourself starting to cry again.

"Don't- don't say that. We- we can figure this out." He started breathing heavily again.

"As much as I would love to try and figure this part out with you, Ani, I can't. I can't share you. I can't." You put your hand up to his face. "Goodbye my love." He leaned into your hand and cried even harder as did you.

You stay this way for about an hour until you both composed yourselves. Anakin kissed you tenderly before heading back into town. You almost felt at peace with the situation. You know Anakin loves you and he would never intentionally hurt you. He was truly one of the best people you'd ever met and you honestly did want the best for him and to be happy. Although you wish it were with you you couldn't have stopped him from falling for someone new.

xMasterlist.x

[neohighwayv]

Good enough

Characters: WayV’s Yangyang x fem reader

Genre: angst, fluff, bff!au

Word count: 4.1k

Description: In which you think you’re never good enough – and Yangyang does not know what to do when the strongest person he’s known breaks down.

------

“Hey, you can put your work aside for now, I got us dinner.” Yangyang announced he enters the shared apartment, closing the door with his foot as his hands were full of plastic bags filled with takeout food. He walked over to place the food on the kitchen’s island counter, right beside your pristine sleek silver laptop. He started unpacking the food from the red and blue plastic bags, making sure to buy your favourite dumpling soup from the stall at the end of the street, even though it took him a good 20 minutes to get there; he’ll do it for you – his best friend and roommate. He knew you’ve been working hard this semester, and whilst he can’t help with lightening your workload, he figured he could at least make you slightly happier by keeping you well fed.

You, however, ignored his presence entirely. Your eyes remained glued to the glaring laptop screen, the pages upon pages of words practically screaming at you to read them, yet the dull throb at the back of your head made it hard to get anything done. You’re reading the words but you’re not processing them. You’ve been going at the snail’s pace for the past 2 hours, only getting through 5 pages of this article. Yet, you’re not even sure if you’ve understood everything from the past 5 pages of it. Could you even tell a difference between Freudian theory and humanistic psychology now? Ask a toddler and they might be able to give a better answer than you can. Still, you’re the stubborn type – you truly never knew when to stop or take a break for your own good – and so you keep going.

Till the end of this chapter. Just 2 more pages before I take a break and have dinner with Yangyang.

You tune out the noises that Yangyang made beside you, tightening the grip on your mouse and fixing your stare on the screen more firmly. You will your heart rate to go down, torn between not wanting to keep Yangyang waiting versus finishing the chapter.

When all the food has been placed neatly into plates and scooped perfectly into bowls, Yangyang prompted you to take a break again.

“Let’s have dinner together now?”

“I know, Yang. Just 5 more minutes.” You snapped back immediately, tone clipped and tense.

That’s when Yangyang knew that he’s hit a nerve. He wanted to protest against your statement but he knew better than to do that. He’ll just anger you further. Hence, he bit back his remark, opting to chew on his inner cheek instead. Being your best friend for years has its pros and cons. The pro: You’re smart, which meant that he’s always got someone to help him whenever he got stuck with his assignments and a sharp eye to catch his mistake. After all, you’re not a double major in Psychology and Sociology for nothing. Not everyone got to boast about that. The con: Yangyang knew you well. Too well. In fact, better than he knew himself. He knew that you won’t back down from anything you say once it came out from your mouth. He also knew that you’re always determined to finish what you started. So when you said 5 more minutes, he knew that you actually mean “Till you finish that chapter” and that no matter what he said, you would not move from your seat or touch your food until you’re done doing what you’ve set out to accomplish.

Plopping down in his seat diagonally across you, Yangyang had to make do with eating dinner alone again (for 5th night in a row that week) At least this time he got to sit in your presence – the previous nights, you had simply brought your food into your room, typing away on your laptop between mouthfuls for food.

-

Throughout dinner, Yangyang chewed silently so as to minimise disturbance to you. He stole glances at you from time to time, trying to gauge when you’re about done with your article. He knew how to observe when you’re almost done – your eyeballs would move rapidly from side to side, rushing through the last paragraph before closing your laptop shut. But even as he swallowed his last bite of dinner, he knew you’re not done. You’re still stared intently at the screen, eyes unblinking and posture stiff. Your head is propped up on your knuckles as you used your other free hand to move your hair away from your face before resuming its original position against your mousepad, slender fingers moving smoothly across the surface of the pad. Yangyang thought he saw the faint outline of a vein against your temple and the tight clench of your jaw. You’re tense, extremely tense. You clearly need a break.

Gently, he prodded again. But he doesn’t get another word in before you snapped at him again.

“Hey, maybe – ”

“I know, Yang. I know. Just... just give me another 5 minutes...”

He heard the exasperation in your voice, noticed the way you seem to became smaller in stature; your chest collapsing into itself as your voice becomes so incredibly small that he could barely hear you despite the silence in the apartment. Were his eyes playing tricks on him, or were the edges of your eyes red? Something wasn’t right.

“Are you ok?”

“No, Yang. I’m not. I’m not ok.”

You snapped your head up to stare at him dead in the eye so quickly, that Yangyang worried that you might have snapped it into half. Your chest is heaving violently now, the silver necklace on lying on collarbones now glinting as it caught the artificial light from the lightbulb that hung above you. Your eyes got redder and glossier by the second, rare tears pooling around the edges.

“I’m not ok. This semester is going terribly and I just want to be done with it! It’s a groupwork but I’m the only one doing something. If I don’t say a thing, no one else does anything. Work meant for 5 ends up being done by 1. Yet there’s nothing I can do except suck it up because we’re at this stage where no higher authority would care if you can’t work with others. Just submit the work and be done with it! So, I suffer silently and hope I don’t break before I submit the thing.

 Gosh, I feel like I can’t even breathe because once I submit one assignment, I get another message saying that the new one is due at the end of the week! Just great!”

 At this point, you stopped to collect your breath, the first tears streaming down your face, the tinge of saltiness staining the tip of your tongue.

 “Professor Wang is not happy with my paper and she’s ‘extremely disappointed’ with my work. So much for being a damn straight A student when I can’t even submit a satisfactory piece of work. Oh, not to mention. I failed my driving test. For the 3rd time in the row. How pathetic. Went home and I got vindicated about it the entire weekend! ‘Your sister did it in one try. So did the rest of your cousins. Why can’t you?’ Well – it’s just too bad isn’t it? Driving doesn’t come easy to some of us. I’ve been trying so hard and not a word of acknowledgement from them – I just get blamed for wasting money and time.”

 At this point, you stabbed the tip of your pencil down hard on your blank piece of paper, causing the pencil lead to fly across the table top. Your knuckles were red from the vice grip you had on the pencil; your head bowed to prevent Yangyang from seeing the waterworks on your face. This entire time, Yangyang’s heart cracked with each revelation, never knowing how much you were hurting inside from all the pressure others were putting on you. Most importantly, the pressure that you were putting on yourself. He saw you every day... how could he be so blind to all the signs? The late nights, your quieter self, your bloodshot eyes. How could he possibly miss all that? He heard you suck in a deep breath, head still bowed as you place your head against your palm. From beneath the curtain of your hair, he heard your weak voice filled with hurt, voice wavering as you choked on your own words.

“I get it. I get it ok? I get that I’m not good enough. For anyone. For... anything. No matter what I do... what I try... I’ll never be good enough. I could try till I break myself but I’ll just never be good enough. I’ll just never, never, never be good enough and it hurts to be so painfully, aware of that.”

You finally looked up to face him - and Yangyang swears; he sweared on his life that he’s never seen you look so broken before and the sight immediately made tears prick the corner of his eyes.

 And that sight makes you cry even harder.

 You didn’t think that you were capable to producing more tears, not when your eyes were burning and you’re already so physically exhausted – but you do. You hated seeing him sad because he’s worried about you – the thought of making someone worried because of you showing your weakness – brought fresh tears to your eyes. The last thing you wanted to do was to make your friends or family worried for you, and you absolutely hated being the cause of their pain. You had to slap a hand over your mouth to stop your strangled cry from leaving your throat, you didn’t want to make Yangyang anymore worried that he already is.

“Oh, I can’t do this anymore. I need to stop hurting people around me.”

That was the last coherent line that you managed to get out of your throat before you stumbled out of your chair, making a beeline for the bathroom so that you could cry alone. If he saw you break down anymore, you were certain he would start crying too and you didn’t want to be the cause of his pain anymore. You slammed the door shut behind you and proceed to slump down against the door, your weak body not even registering the heavy contact with the floor. The chilling bite of the cold tiles quickly seep through the floor to reach your body and your body shakes violently, but at this point in time, you’re not sure if you’re shaking violently from the cold, or the crying that is currently wrecking your body in waves. Strangled cries bubble in your throat, threatening to escape you but you clamped your lips shut tight, hoping that no sound would escape you. But you're not sure if that does the trick – you can't hear anything else over the wild thumping sound of your heart that currently filled your ears. You cried and cried and cried, the endless tears falling to stain your brown shirt into a darker shade of brown. In the past, you would have fought your tears, hating to show such a weak image in front of others and detesting yourself for doing so. But today, after months of fighting yourself and others, you're finally willing to concede – and for once in your life – you're willing to admit that you're too tired to fight anymore. You let your body does what it has to do to help you feel better – even if that meant crying yourself dry and hoping that all the pressure you've placed on yourself will be expelled through your tears.

 Throughout this entire ordeal, Yangyang sat shell-shocked in his seat, unable to move an inch. He can't really make sense of the mess of emotions he's feeling right now – but one particular emotion does stand out compared to the rest – shock. I mean – what does one do, when the strongest person you've ever known broke down in front of you? In this entire time of his 10 years knowing you, Yangyang might have seen you cry, but he's truly never seen you completely break down and reduced to tears by the pressure. Sure, he's seen you cry – when both of you are watching a particularly sad movie or you're listening to the harrowing history told by war survivors. But Yangyang has never – never ever, ever – seen you broke down from the pressure. That's why this episode was particularly shocking for him, because for you to do so, Yangyang knew that you must be under an immense amount of stress, to the point where you can't cope with it anymore. He thought back to all the times he's spent with you, and he cannot even conjure up an image of him comforting you. In fact, all he seemed to remember is being comforted by you. The countless amount of times he's called you over the phone to rant about someone's stupidity or a particularly infuriating incident – which usually ended with both of you eating dessert as he finished making his complaints between bites of ice cream. The infinite amount of post-it’s you left all over his belongings when you know he's going to have a rough week. He remembered when you showed up at his doorstep without him having to ask, immediately opening your arms to wrap him in a hug as he freely cried into your shoulder – the first time when his dog died from old age, and a couple more times after when he failed important things; tests, auditions and interviews that at that time, meant the world to him. In this friendship, you've always been the strong one, never once admitting that you're having a hard time. But Yangyang knew better now; should have known better earlier, that no one could be a superhuman. No one is truly invincible against the harsh realities of life – not even the strongest person he knew – and Yangyang wished that he had noticed the changes in you earlier. Of course, he knew that he's not fully responsible for you – you're an adult that should know how to manage herself and ask for help when she needed it. But as your best friend, maybe he should have checked up on you sooner. After all, that's what friends do for one another – to remind each other that they're always there should they need it. Maybe things would have been better if he had checked up on you earlier but it's too late to think about that now. Right now, you've locked yourself inside the bathroom to cry your heart out, and Yangyang's main priority as your best friend is to make sure that you're not left alone with your own self-loathing thoughts; to make sure that you're comforted – just like how you've comforted him so many times before. Yet Yangyang still can't seem to move an inch. He does not know exactly how to comfort you, he's never had to do this before.

Come on Yangyang, think. What should you do?

He fumbled over his few options – play you your favourite music, or buy you your favourite peppermint ice cream with bread from the uncle with the pushcart, or crack a joke. In the end, he decided to go with what he knew the best – comforting you like how you comforted him and Step 1 involved not leaving you alone with your own thoughts by having someone from your side.

Yangyang bolted from his seat, pacing quickly towards the bathroom before stopping outside the white door to rap his knuckles against the door, the rattling motion jolting you out of your stupor.

"Open up. Don't stay in there alone ok?"

"No Yang, please just leave. I'll be fine-" You catch yourself at this part. Are you truly fine? Were you ever truly fine? Whenever others asked you how you're doing, your default answer would be that you're doing fine. Even though you were struggling, the answer would be – "I'm fine." or "I'm doing well." You never wanted others to probe or ask too many questions, admitting to your struggles often made you embarrassed. Worse still, you didn't want family and friends to worry about you. "I'm fine" soon became a reflex, something you said without even processing the question that the other party had asked.

Your train of thoughts were broken when you heard Yangyang's voice travel through the door separating the both of you.

"No, you're not fine. I'm not leaving you alone so please open the door now."

"No Yang, I'm fine- I- just give me a few more minutes. I'll be out soon."

You heard Yangyang sigh heavily, his last words reaching your ears followed by the sounds of his footsteps walking away.

"I'm getting the keys."

"No Yang, don't you dare!"

You tried to raise your voice, but it betrayed you instead, cracking from being overused just now. You stomp your feet in frustration, feeling helpless once again. Yangyang was going to see your wrecked self soon, and there was nothing that you could do to stop it.

 Yangyang quickly sifts through the keys hanging by the front door before making his way back to the bathroom, slotting the key into the lock before twisting the door open. Once again, Yangyang was met by the harsh bite of your tone and words, but he brushed it aside. Your cold words directed against him is the least of his worries now. Comforting you, however, was his main priority.

"I said I'll be alright Yang, why-"

"You're clearly not ok. I know now. You're not ok. You haven't been ok for some time now."

You stood still when you heard him say such things, the words feeling foreign to your ears. No one has ever said those words to you because no one has ever saw through the strong front that you've put up before. Or even if they did, no one thought it was important enough to mention it. Someone finally noticed and cared enough to talk about it, and somehow that revelation made you want to cry again. Seeing you standing there unmoving, Yangyang decided to say something to break the silence again.

"You don't have to be ok all the time. So, would you just stop putting up a front for once, admit that you're not alright, and let me in? Come here."

This time round, you no longer resisted, allowing Yangyang to gently draw you into his embrace as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders, rubbing comforting strokes up and down your arms. Fresh tears streamed down your face at Yangyang's gentle gesture; you probably made a mess of his clean shirt but he could care less, that's not important now.

"Cry it out. Cry it out if you have to."

"Stop saying that! You're going to make me cry more."

"And that's completely alright. There's nothing wrong with crying."

"It's so embarrassing to cry – what do you mean there's nothing wrong with crying?"

You heard Yangyang take a deep breath, feel the rise of his chest against your cheek and you mentally prepared yourself for his lecture.

"There really is nothing wrong with needing a good cry to let out all your pent-up frustrations. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you need help, and asking for it. Can you internalize that and remember to come and find me when you're having a hard time? You do the same for me when I'm having a rough time, can you let me do the same for you? Even if you don’t come and find me, make sure you find someone else. Promise me that."

You stayed silent, not sure if you could ever bring yourself to admit being so weak in front of him again.

"Promise me." He shook your shoulders to elicit a response from you and you decided to grace him with a disgruntled muffle; not exactly the response that he was hoping for but he'll take that as a yes for now.

"Good. If you're ready to talk, we can work out how to go about dealing with your assignments and driving ok? Tomorrow we'll go see Professor Wang and get her to elaborate on how to improve your essay. As for driving... maybe take a break first. Like you said, you've been practicing a lot. Maybe too much. Knowing you, you probably went for tons of lessons before your tests. Am I right?"

You nodded weakly against his chest, a wry smile lifting the corners of your lips as memories of your driving lessons are brought to the forefront of your mind.

"Knew it. So, yea... maybe you should take a break. Give yourself time to absorb all that you've learned before you go back for lessons. The break will do you good – trust me on that. I'm only so carefree because I take more breaks than I should." Yangyang chuckled at his own words and you followed suit, your chest rising and falling as you let out soft puffs through your nose.

"Now that we've got a plan out for you, we should do one last thing."

"What is it?"

"We should get ice cream. And then you can rant about your teammates over ice cream. I want to get all that hot piping tea."

For the first time in a long while, you found the heart within yourself to let out a laugh, memories of Yangyang and his animated storytelling of terrible groupmates tickling your sides. Oh, how the tables have turned. It was finally your turn today. 

“So… are we going? Just waiting for your reply now.” 

There was no way that you were going to be able to say no to that, eating ice cream and complaining about people whilst eating was something that you and Yangyang always did; a sacred part of your relationship.

“Alright we can go, but let me wash up first and give my eyes some time to stop being red.” 

“WOOHOO! Ok, we’ll go once you’re ready.”

Both of you fall into comfortable silence again, Yangyang still held onto you in an embrace. 

“Thank you, Yang.”

“You’re welcome. I’m always available if you ever need me. Even if I’m busy, I am going to make time for you so come find me anytime ok?”

“Ok, I’ll remember to come find you next time.”

“There – you said it. You got to promise me. With a pinky swear and stamp.”

Yangyang removed an arm from your shoulder to place his hand in front of your face, his pinky finger sticking out from the rest of his fingers. You lifted your hand to hook onto his pinky before pressing your thumb against his own, using a little more force than usual and Yangyang smiled at that, knowing that it’s your way of saying that “I’m feeling better now. You don’t have to worry so much about me anymore.” 

“Pinky promise is done so you can never break the promise anymore. Oh, we’ll get extra-large scoops of ice cream later, my treat today!” 

“Sounds like a good plan, because I’ve got loads to say about my trashy group mates.”

“Awesome. Been dying to get some gossip lately, and now I’m finally going to get it.” 

You let out another hearty laughter at your best friend’s dramatic self, him following suit but when the laughter finally died down, you got some quiet time to be with your own thoughts again. 

 They often said that your worst enemy is yourself, and maybe that’s true for you. You constantly placed so much pressure on yourself, tearing and beating yourself up when you fell short of your goals because your failure is all that you could see, never the commendable effort that you put in or your perseverance to pull through with all your various responsibilities. You suffered silently by yourself even when the pressure became overwhelming, never one to admit your struggles because you didn’t want to be a burden to others – even when no one ever said you were. But today, you had been proven wrong. No one thought of you as a burden, and no one would say that you’re weak or embarrassing when you asked for help. And that if you did ask for help, those around you would actually come forth to render you their support. That’s what friends are for, to share the good times with, and to pick you up when you fell – and you were extremely lucky to have an understanding friend like Yangyang in your life. After all, no man is an island living in this harsh world alone – it’s easier to get by with help from friends and there will be someone willing to help you, if you’d only just remember to ask. You knew that old habits die hard, and perhaps even after this, you would go back into your shell and old ways. Yet, you’re confident that with a friend like Yangyang, someone would be there to look out for you, and coax you out of your shell whenever you forgot to take care of yourself again.

[high-tidethunder]

like cymbals crashing, like molars gnashing

Nile is on her own for the first time in a long time and she’s—

Well, she’s adjusting.

And Detroit isn’t too horribly different from the city streets she’s used to. A little emptier, maybe, and, well, the roads are more pothole than concrete at this point, but there’s a familiarity in the buskers and graffiti and nighttime bustle and it almost makes up for the fact that… the public transit is a joke.

Almost.

She’s still not over the fact that she’s going to have to walk from her apartment to class every day. It’s a good job she grew up in Chicago and knows how to layer appropriately.

She’s not quite comfortable in the bigger lecture halls yet, always feels like there are too many variables out of her control for her to truly settle down and pay attention to the lesson, but she knows it could be worse. She’s privileged to have been able to leave the hell she’d signed 10 years of her life away to. She has the opportunity to let old wounds heal.

There’ll be scars, but fresh blood will not pour from them.

She can deal with scars.

~*~

A month into her first semester she makes her first real friend in this place. He’s a man about 10 years her senior in her metalworking class who invites her out to lunch at a felafel place near campus and, almost without her realizing, gets her to talk about the problems she hasn’t wanted to burden her mom with on their calls.

It’s a little hard to separate the gratitude from the guilt when they’re done talking. They’ve knitted themselves together with a yarn spun of worry that she’d unduly encumbered him with her problems and striated with an anxiety that there was some kind of con at play. She really hopes not.

They part ways when they get back to campus, him to go to work and her to another lecture, but not without exchanging phone numbers and a promise to meet up again. He leaves with a smile that’s almost sad, there’s definitely something in the eyes, and Nile abruptly wonders if her smiles are like that, now. If, maybe, he saw the storm that swelled and crashed around inside her, if he’d recognized it from his own tumult and decided to extend an offer of help without having to use so many words.

And so, the gratitude said to the guilt, tink, tink, tink.

~*~

She discovers the dreaded walk from her apartment to campus yields blessings, too, when she spots the flyer for a fight gym that’s hiring trainers stapled to a telephone pole towards the end of September. She pauses to take a picture of it before carrying back on to class and resolves to call them when she goes for lunch, making a mental note to ask Sebastien if he knows the place before she does. He might not outwardly appear the type, but Nile has been around enough fighters to recognize it in the way he holds himself; whether it’s bare-knuckle in a back alley or gloved up in a ring, he’s no stranger to a brawl.

And besides, he’d told her he had a little training when she’d mentioned that she was coming into college late (he’d scoffed at that) because she’d been a Marine.

Sebastien, as it turns out, is the trainer the gym is hiring to replace. Nile feels a rush of embarrassment when he tells her so, quickly followed by guilt when she sees that he’s distressed for having upset her. It only eases when he assures her he still teaches there, it’s just that an old injury keeps him from drilling groundwork and he’s forced to stick to beginner classes.

Their lunch outing turns into an impromptu job interview when he realizes that she’s available to cover his grappling classes and the gym won’t have to cancel them. At the end of it he tells her that he’ll talk to his coworkers and, if all goes well, bring her in to meet them that night.

~*~

All goes well.

Sebastien picks her up from her last lecture at 6:30 and drives her along a familiar route to the gym that she realizes is only a 5-minute walk from her apartment building. There’s a boulder outside with “The Motor City Old Guard” engraved in block letters on it, and a recurve bow made to look like a stylized D painted below the name.

Otherwise, it’s an incredibly nondescript building. There are a few signs on the whitewashed brick that claim parking spots outside as reserved for gym-goers and an old leather medicine ball props the door open, but there are no flyers or advertisements on the outside and the shades have been drawn over the windows. It doesn’t look much like a gym.

Maybe there is some sort of con at play.

The worry is dispelled as quickly as it pops into her mind when Sebastien guides her inside and the first thing she sees is two men circling each other in a boxing ring in the middle of the room. Nile notes that they’re clad only in fight shorts and hand wraps and wonders if this is an impromptu sparring session or if these people are just a little bit insane.

The taller of the two, a white man with shaggy brown hair that suggests he’s put off going to the barber a few weeks too many, makes the first move. He springs forward, feinting to his left and narrowly ducking the right hook that his opponent swings in retaliation. He drops low, grabs the other man around the waist, thrusts his shoulder into his abdomen, and sends them both to the mat. His opponent, a brown man whose curls are already escaping the bun they’re tied back in, hits the floor with a grunt. Barely a second after he goes down, his legs have already locked around the other man’s back, but the guard is down before the other man can even try to break it. He’s flat on his back just as quick, hips now straddled by the shorter man. There’s a pause, then, both seeming to be in some kind of haze as they stare at each other, chests heaving with effort.

It’s now that Nile notices the women who have been watching this. Or, well, more accurately it’s now that her brain registers them as something that needs her attention, as the taller of the two inexplicably snaps, “not on my mat!” and her companion snorts out a laugh.

When she looks back at the men, the taller of them has his legs clinched around the other’s neck, relaxing only when a hand comes up to tap his thigh.

The other man pops up with surprising ease considering he’d been in a chokehold only a few seconds prior, and offers a hand to help his opponent up. He turns, then, and sees Nile, face brightening.

“Ahlan! You must be Booker’s friend! Nile, right? You’re here for the job?”

She smiles, tentatively, and looks at Sebastien (Booker?) out of the corner of her eye. “Uh, yeah, that’s me. Are you-”

He shakes his head before she can finish the question and gestures vaguely at the women standing at the side of the ring. “Andy’s the one who’ll be conducting the rest of your interview.” He pauses and inhales sharply, squinting at Nile. “Good luck,” he finishes, nodding at her before turning and ducking out of the ring. His training partner, now standing still enough that Nile has time to notice the mirrored scars on his chest, gives her a brief nod and tight smile before following him.

“Not in my showers, either!” Maybe-Andy calls after them, pushing herself off the rope she’s leaning on and circling the ring so she’s standing in front of Nile. She feels something nudge her arm and looks over to see Sebastien holding track pants and hand wraps out to her, shaking the bundle at her when she doesn’t take them immediately. She does so, cutting her eyes back to the woman who stands in front of her and watching her carefully. “Put those on,” she instructs, “bathrooms are down where Joe and Nicky went, then, you’re gonna show me how much of what you told Book here was true.”

Ah. So this is Andy. And this is why Maybe-Joe-or-Maybe-Nicky had wished her good luck.

She probably should’ve just gotten a job at the university library.

But her mom didn’t raise her to back down from a fight, so she skirts the ring and turns down the hall where the two men had gone. The door at the end of the hall is marked “Employees Only” in screaming red letters, so she turns to the two on either side of the hall. Where there once were signs that likely demarcated gender, there were now only 4 bolts in the center of both doors, so she listens, and pushes through the door she doesn’t hear a shower behind.

She slips into one of the stalls and makes sure she hears the soft snick of the door close before taking off her boots and jeans and pulling on the pants Sebastien had given her. The fabric is stiffer than she’d expected, they must be straight from the shop she had seen tucked into one corner of the gym, but she can move freely so she’ll deal with the slight discomfort. She exits the stall, putting her folded jeans and boots into one of the cubbies on the opposite wall, then heads out to the main room again. She shucks her jacket, which Sebastien takes from her, and steps into the ring where Andy is waiting.

Right into a punch.

She ducks in the nick of time, taking the opportunity to push in closer to Andy and grab her by the shoulder, driving her knee into the other woman’s gut. There’s a hand clawing at her arm and a quick strike to the hollow of her neck and suddenly she’s halfway across the mat, staring down an indifferent Andy.

So that was how this was gonna be.

She advances again, pivoting to send a kick to Andy’s hip. Her gratification at seeing the other woman go down is stopped in its tracks when she feels a hand clamp around her calf and she crashes to her knee, one leg still held fast to Andy’s side. She twists, plants her hands on the mat behind her, and tries to push herself out of Andy’s grasp, leveraging her free foot against the other woman’s hip bone and coming away with surprising ease. Andy stands, then, exhilaration burning in her eyes, and backs away slightly.

Then there’s a kick headed straight for Nile’s face and she forces herself forward, arms looping around Andy’s thigh as she drives her shoulder into her gut and folds at the waist, slamming the other woman down. Almost immediately a leg wraps over her shoulders and the world tilts and she feels her back hitting the time-worn mat. Andy stands over her, delight evident on her face, and reaches a hand out to help her up.

By the time Nile stands, Andy’s face has dropped into something sharper, more analytical, and she looks Nile up and down. “So, Booker says you were a Marine.”

Nile nods, finding herself itching to stand at ease.

“Well,” she purses her lips, then takes a breath. “We forgive past transgressions,” she says, looking pointedly at Booker, though a twitch in her jaw betrays a smile. After a moment she looks back at Nile, light dancing in her eyes. “Welcome to the crew. I’ll go get the paperwork.”

Nile is left feeling a little too dazed to truly process that she just got her ass handed to her and then offered a job by the person who did it in the span of five minutes until a hand claps down on her shoulder and she whirls around to see Sebastien. There’s a proud look on his face, though his smile is still small, still a little sad. “Congratulations, Nile,” he says, and the warmth in his voice reminds Nile very suddenly of her father.

It must show on her face because Sebastien looks concerned, now, brow furrowing. “Are you ok? Did you get hurt?”

Nile shakes her head, swallowing around the tightness creeping up her throat. “I’m fine, she manages to choke out. “Thank you, um, for helping me with this, I really appreciate it,” she says, trying to steady her voice. She takes a deep breath, looking out behind Sebastien for a moment before focusing back on his face. “I should, uh, get changed.”

“Oh, yeah, totally, ok. Well, hey, since you don’t have classes tomorrow and I only work in the morning, how about I take you out to celebrate, huh? It might help to know a thing or two about the kind of people who come to train with us.”

Nile smiles at that and the pain twisted in her stomach starts to ease into something more comfortable. “You’re paying,” she says and sees Sebastien’s lip tick up.

“Taking my job and my money? You’re going to fit right in,” he laughs. “You go take care of the paperwork, I’ll wait outside to drive you home,” he says, giving her one last smile before turning and leaving the gym.

She notices, then, that the two men who had been sparring when she’d entered the gym have emerged from the showers. They’re standing just at the entrance to the hallway, the shorter of the two leaning against the wall, and the taller leaning against the shorter. They’re watching her closely, but Maybe-Joe-or-Possibly-Nicky smiles at her when he notices her looking, pushing off the wall and stepping forward to extend a hand. The handshake is brief but firm. “Hey, welcome,” he says, in a voice that rasps warmly. “That was a good fight, Andy married the last person who got that close to beating her.”

“Quynh did beat her, tesoro,” the other man says, though it’s somewhat hard to make out between his quiet tone and thick accent.

“You say potato,” the man says over his shoulder, turning his attention to Nile again. “I’m Joe, he’s Nicky. You’re taking the Tuesday and Thursday night classes?” He waits for Nile to nod before continuing. “We’ll be seeing a lot of each other, then,” he says, smiling and clapping a hand on her shoulder. “We’ve gotta head out, but don’t be a stranger, yeah? If you’ve got any questions we’re more than happy to help out.”

She nods, smiling at Joe then behind him at Nicky, “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”

~*~

She runs into the woman who had been by Andy’s side as she’s leaving the bathroom and Nile is entering and gets a soft smile. “We’ve heard a lot about you, Nile,” she says, her accent light and lilting. “And I’ll let you in on a secret, Andy had no doubts about hiring you the minute Booker mentioned you were looking for a job. You’re a good friend to him, he needed that.”

“So, wait, she-”

“She fought you because it is the vetting process. You fight like a caged animal, you throw everything you have into it, but you control the violence. You never did anything you didn’t have to. We have had some...unsavory trainers come in. Students, too, but that’s harder to account for. She had to make sure you understand the gravity of fighting and the responsibility of teaching it. You do. So, welcome aboard.”

“Thank you, uh-”

“Quynh,” she supplies, smiling.

“Thank you, Quynh.”

“Of course.” With that, she ducked down the hall, leaving Nile alone to think.

She does understand, maybe all too well, the consequences of violence for violence’s sake. She’s still kept awake by the faces, still haunted by the bodies in her dreams. Every day is a step forward. Sometimes accompanied by a few back, sometimes a step through an ocean in the midst of a hurricane, but slowly, slowly, she’s getting to dry land.

[martelldoran]

i have too grieved a heart (redux)

Fandom: HP Characters: Lily/Narcissa, Snape, James, Mary, Dorcas 

NSFW: no

Summary: After the incident at the lake, Lily realises that more than just her relationship with Severus Snape is doomed. She now must say goodbye to Narcissa.

Read on AO3

May 1976

Lily Evans was many things. She was a witch first and foremost, and currently – though not for very much longer – in her 5th year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was a proud Gryffindor. She was muggleborn, the first witch in her family. She was a talented potion maker, often spending her free time down in the dungeons mixing her brews and revelling in the multicoloured fumes. She was a dab hand at her charm work and liked to summon little sparkling lights to brighten up her study spaces. She was a passionate friend. She was bright, loved nothing more than spending her afternoons listening to records in the sun, and adored being outdoors surrounded by nature. Yes, Lily Evans was many things.

But at that precise moment, on a sunny afternoon in May after having just sat her Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L, she was absolutely fucking furious.

“Evans!”

It was the bellowing voice of James Potter. He had not stayed to try and remove Severus’s underpants as he had said, instead choosing to charge after her. Reaching the steps to the main door with her breath rushing and chest tight, she didn’t pause.

But then a hand closed around her wrist.

She wrenched herself away. Her wand was lifted and a spell teetered on the edge of her snarling lips as she spun round.

“Do not touch me!”

The boy staggered back onto the grass, hands lifted with the palms facing her. His mouth was a small ‘o’ shape and his hazel eyes were wide.

“Okay, I won’t.”

Her wand did not lower and neither did his hands. White knuckle fury still beat through her.

“I’m sorry, Evans. I went too far. I always go too far,” he said, his voice was tight, restrained as he measured each word. “Not that it’ll make a difference but I’ll apologise to Snape too, though I think I burned that bridge a long time ago.”

This last part he added as an afterthought, saying it more to himself than her. He shifted from foot to foot before slowly lowering his hands. The normally perfectly tousled black hair had fallen flat and was falling into his eyes but he didn’t try to fix it. Instead he continued looking right at her. It made him look like a little boy again.

“I am sorry. Truly. I hope you can see that, Lily. If not now, then later.”

He had said his piece. With a stiff, defeated nod of the head, he turned and made his way back to the lake. The fury had lessened somewhat. She watched his retreating back for just a moment before beginning her ascent up the stairs once again.

Half way across the Entrance Hall he made himself known to her, calling her name. Somehow having detangled himself from the clutches of Sirius Black, he must have skulked in a bush until he’d seen James leaving. Severus Snape’s normally pale, sallow face was flushed and his eyes darted around the hall, never resting on her face for long.

It was as if she was seeing him for the first time. And she was repulsed.

“Lily,” he began, taking a step towards her.

She retreated and raised her wand once more.

“Stay away from me,” she growled, in no mood to hear his excuses.

She knew what he’d say. She was a vengeful, wrathful god, ready to smite down those who had wronged her. She was Artemis condemning Actaeon to die by the jaws of his own dogs.

“Lily, please, I’m sorry,” he pleaded. He had his hands up like James but he took another step towards her. “I didn’t mean it. It just slipped out.”

“And is that supposed to make me feel better?” she snapped, wand trained on his face. “How many times have I heard you say you’re not like them, Mulciber and Avery? Then heard you defend them in the same breath? You agree with what’s being said, don’t you, by the one they call the ‘Dark Lord’. Maybe not all of it but there’s something in there isn’t there, that calls to you.”

Severus, inching forward, shook his head vigorously, lank hair dancing on either side of his face.

“No!” he wailed. “I don’t, I don’t think that, Lily. You’re my friend.”

She wavered. He was her oldest friend. He’d introduced her to magic, told her she was special, been there for every rant and every time her sister rejected her. Emboldened by her indecision, he took yet another step towards her.

A warning shower of red sparks streamed from her wand and crackled at the boy’s feet. He yelped and jumped away.

“I told you. Stay. Back. I don’t want you anywhere near me.” Her voice rose, ringing in the empty Entrance Hall. It was deserted, everybody had surrendered themselves to the sunshine. She hardened herself. “I see it now Severus, you’re one of them or if you’re not, you want to be. You and that fucking chip on your shoulder.”

She gave a humourless laugh, staring him dead in the eye. Her rage had not cooled but she was steady, held up by steel and smouldering fire.

“You’ve made it clear where your loyalties lie. And let me tell you now, if we come across one another out there” -- she gestured vaguely around the Entrance Hall – “I will not hesitate to cut you down.”

At this, he lurched forward, a cry on his lips. He tried to reach for her.

‘Petrificus Totalus!’

The spell screamed within her mind hit him square in the face, freezing the boy’s pained expression to stone. He tumbled to the floor, landing frozen on his side. She was Medusa victorious

“I warned you. Come near me again and I won’t be so lenient.” In that moment with fire coursing through her veins, she meant every word of her threat.

Turning on her heel, Lily tore up the staircase. All in a rush, she could feel the weight of everything that had just happened come crashing down around her. Hot tears bulged in her eyes and a golf ball sized lump in her throat threatened to choke her. A bathroom, a bathroom was what she needed, somewhere nobody would disturb her. Without thinking she turned her course to the girls’ toilet on the second floor.

Bursting through the door with a loud, resonating bang, a painful, heavy sob wracked her body. She stumbled towards the nearest stall and locked herself in. Animalistic wails tore from her mouth and echoed off the tiled walls. It was like her grief had manifested into a physical form and was joining her for a macabre duet.

Hugging herself, she crumpled to the floor. With her back to the door, she leaned her head back against the wood and let the grief she felt come in waves. How had it come to this? All she’d wanted to do was help her friend and now here she was.

Lily had been called a Mudblood before. More times than she truly cared to count. But never had she imagined, even in her wildest dreams, that she’d hear that word come from the mouth of someone she considered her friend, let alone said with such venom.

Tears slid in a continuous stream down her flushed cheeks. They hung off the end of her chin and pooled in the hollows of her neck and collarbones. Slowly, a damp patch grew down the front of her robes but she paid it no mind. Lily was a raw, gaping wound and nothing else mattered but her pain. Her mind was a jumble. The scene by the lake replayed in a hideous loop. Then it was the argument in the Entrance Hall. Severus’s pained expression was seared onto the back of her eyelids and her words echoed in her ears.

How long did she sit there sobbing? She cried and she cried and then, when it seemed like she had no more tears left, she cried once again. Time had no meaning in that cramped toilet stall. It could have been seconds, it could have been days, she didn’t care. Noone would come in here and disturb her anyway. They would hear her howls, assume it was Moaning Myrtle off in one of her moods and steer well clear.

Eventually, however, she stilled and the tears dried up. There was a certain calmness to her now. With a dull realisation, she was unsurprised about Severus. Some dark part of her already knew that he was lost. He wanted to be the best, he always had. And if following this man got him what he wanted then so be it. He would do it.

Ever since they were children, there had been this urge to prove himself and to rise above everyone else. It came out when they raced across fields and threw stones into a lake. It came out during exams and every time there was a potion or poison to be brewed. Glory would be his one way or another.

“Lily? Lily, are you in here?” Dorcas Meadowes’s husky, mellow voice cut across her reverie. She hadn’t even heard the door open.

“Yeah, I’m here.” Her voice was thick and raspy with disuse.

“Will you come out? We’re worried about you.” She was closer now, right outside the door.

“I can’t. I never want to come out,” she moaned. Her face hurt. There was no need to look in a mirror to see how awful she looked, she could feel the swelling around her eyes and cheeks.

“Don’t say that, come on, open the door,” Dorcas reasoned, giving the handle a gentle shake.

When no answer came, there was a weary sigh and she murmured, “Alohamora.”

Lily shifted her weight off the door just enough so that she wouldn’t keel over when her friend opened it. Dorcas knelt next to her and put an arm around her shoulders. The redhead leaned in, the familiar scent of wood smoke and amber in her nose. Dorcas’ shirt was open at the collar - her blue Ravenclaw tie undone and hanging loose around her shoulders – exposing the dark skin of her throat.

“Let’s go.”

Not wasting any time, Dorcas pulled Lily up by her armpits and observed the damage. Her glittering black eyes skated over her from top to bottom. She pursed her full lips together and tsked loudly.

“Oh dear. You truly look awful, you know that,” she said, a sad but understanding smile on her face.

A sniffle and a half-hearted quirk of the lips was all the answer she received. With a sigh, Dorcas propelled her from the bathroom. Quick steps and a firm hand on the small of her back guided her through the corridors. They didn’t meet a soul, the castle was almost deserted. Through the fog clouding her brain, Lily registered this and was thankful. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to see her, a Prefect, like this.

“Oh, good heavens! Is everything alright Miss Evans?” It was the deep, plumy voice of the Fat Lady. She ignored the portrait’s question.

“Pygmy Puff,” she mumbled. Somehow, from somewhere, a new wave of tears rushed up and threatened to spill down her cheeks.

The portrait swung open but Lily didn’t move.

“Marlene is waiting for you, honey. Go on in,” murmured Dorcas, giving her a gentle push.

Silently, she climbed through the portrait hole, leaving Dorcas to make her way back to the Ravenclaw common room, and was immediately met by Marlene. She appeared in a whirlwind of blonde hair, ready to ferry Lily up to their dormitory. The common room was full, that much she knew, and she could tell that every single pair of eyes were trained on her as a heavy silence fell. But she was too tired to care. She wanted to go to bed.

“Is Remus here?” she rasped.

Marlene nodded and pointed to the cluster of armchairs by the fire where all four of the Marauders were staring at her. All but Peter Pettigrew were unnaturally still, caught in the spell of Lily’s dishevelled appearance. Peter couldn’t seem to stop himself from twitching, fidgeting with anything he could lay his chubby hands on.

In a daze, she approached the four boys. Although she could feel James’ eyes boring into her, taking in every single red blotch and the puffiness of her face, she refused to look at him. If she did then there was no way to stop the tears that were once more lingering right beneath the surface.

“Remus, I can’t do my rounds tonight. Can you cover?” Her voice was dead, a thick monotone that didn’t sound like her.

“Uh, yeah, yeah of course I can. Whatever you need.”

There was a slight pause before he asked, “What will I tell Cissa?”

But she had already turned away, Marlene her golden shadow.

“Whatever you want. I don’t care,” she sighed.

In that moment, she didn’t. She couldn’t bear to think of Narcissa, with her star bright eyes, gleaming hair and the purest of pureblood status. It hurt too much.

Never before had the walk up to her dorm seemed so long. Every step was an effort. It was like her bones had been replaced with lead and added weights had been strapped to her ankles and wrists for good measure.

The quiet of the dorm was a blessing. Not bothering to undress, Lily kicked off her shoes and collapsed into bed. Marlene perched on the edge. Her blue-grey eyes were stormy. Words pressed up against her lips, clamouring to be released but she kept her mouth shut tight. She simply stroked Lily’s hair, placed a gentle kiss on her forehead head, told her to get some sleep and bade her goodnight. With a flick of her wand the curtains to her four-poster shut, enclosing her in blessed darkness.

It didn’t take long for sleep to claim her.

When she awoke, the grey light of the pre-dawn leaked between the curtains of her bed and the familiar snuffles and even breathing of her roommates cradled her sleep addled mind. She was still in her robes from the day before, rumpled and creased. Her sleep though deep had clearly been plagued by ceaseless tossing and turning. Mouth dry and tasting stale, Lily sat up and pawed at her still puffy face. The damage of the day before a cruel mask she would have to wear for a few more hours yet.

Lily slid from bed as silently as she could, gathered her wash bag and towel, and slipped into the stone stairwell. Before the cold could seep from the flagstone through her socks to chill her feet, she flited upstairs to the wash room. Peeling off her soiled robes, she shivered as the cool air met slid over her bare skin.

The shower’s warm water was bliss. It beat the last of sleep’s cobwebs away, leaving her mind clear and focussed. Of course, all she could think about was the previous day’s events. If it hadn’t been clear to her before, it was now. For some witches and wizards, it didn’t matter what she did or who she became. It wouldn’t matter if she was the most powerful witch or the most talented. For those few people, she would be a Muggleborn before all else, a parasite siphoning off magic from those who they deemed needed, no, deserved it more.

Names flashed in her mind: Rodolphus Lestrange, Evan Rosier, and, of course, Bellatrix Black. Narcissa’s sister. Her sweet, darling Narcissa who she loved so dearly. Bellatrix’s name appeared in The Daily Prophet almost daily now. The young witch made no attempt to hide her name or her loyalties. The more chaos and misery she sowed the better. It was reported just yesterday that she was single-handedly responsible for over 80 muggle deaths and had seriously injured several muggleborn witches and wizards over the last few months. Details on the way she conducted her business were scant but gruesome. Torture was her art and her greatest pleasure. After all, what information could a muggle possibly give her? No, it was all a game.

As she pondered these thoughts, Lily scrubbed herself clean with care and precision. She dragged the sponge across her skin until she was pink and raw. A growing sense of dread grew in the pit of her stomach and settled there, rock hard and heavy. There was something she knew she had to do.

She couldn’t shake the feeling of dread for the rest of the morning. It was there while she dressed, and crowded her while she ate a solitary breakfast in the Great Hall. Her owl, Artemis, somehow knew she was there and brought her that morning’s copy of the Daily Prophet but she couldn’t bear to open it. She didn’t need to know about the latest terrors and growing anti-muggle sentiment that was growing in certain wizarding circles. Any other morning it wouldn’t be an issue, but after the previous afternoon’s excitement, she could live without it.

Th first of her friends to make their way to the Great Hall that morning was Mary MacDonald. Mary had not changed much in the five years she had known her. She was still small and slight and still wore her hair in a blunt bob with a heavy fringe that hung into her eyes. When she rose to meet her, the Hufflepuff embraced Lily without a word. They stood like that, intertwined, for several minutes.

“Yesterday was a bit shite, wasn’t it,” said Mary, stepping back from their hug.

Lily chuckled.

“That’s something of an understatement.”

Mary inclined her head and shrugged one shoulder.

“Look, I know that Severus has been your friend for a long time, but maybe it’ll do the two of you some good to have some distance? Let the dust settle. He can maybe get his priorities in order,” she offered.

Lily wasn’t so sure but she nodded anyway.

“I meant to ask,” she said, with the most unsubtle change of subject known to witchkind. “How did Dorcas find me?”

“Oh, well, we looked for a while but couldn’t find you so we asked Remus, who asked Sirius, who asked James and for some reason, he knew that you were in the bathrooms,” Mary explained. “I don’t know how he knew. He disappeared up into his dormitory and when he came back, he knew where you were.”

“Curiouser and curiouser,” Lily murmured, unable to work out how on earth James Potter could have worked out where she’d been hiding.

After a few more minutes, Lily left Mary in the Great Hall and hurried up to the owlery. She scratched out a quick note and sent Artemis out to find the addressee.

As she watched her owl swoop through the sky, she felt a tremor of trepidation through her body.

A rap on the door alerted Lily to her presence. She swept into the spare classroom with a flourish, her long, white blonde hair swishing as she twirled. Star bright eyes twinkled at her and a broad smile adorned her face. She was as brilliant as a winter’s day and just as beautiful. Lily’s heart wrenched and she longed to fall into her embrace, to lose herself to a thousand kisses.

Narcissa pulled her close before she could say a word. She cupped her face, one hand slipping through her hair, and kissed her deeply. Lily could feel her resolve weakening with every second. All too soon, Cissa pulled away with a coy smile.

“Hello darling.” Her voice was warm, an undercurrent of excitement running through her words.

Her head was cocked to the side and she ever so gently pushed a stray strand of hair away from Lily’s face. The redhead shifted out of the embrace needing to put space between them. If she felt her touch again then she knew any remaining resolve would leave her.

“We, uh, we need to talk,” Lily mumbled.

“Uh oh, that sounds ominous!” she laughed, her smile hadn’t faltered for even a second.

“This has to end.”

The words were out like a bullet train.

Narcissa let out a cold, humourless laugh.

“No. Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t ending. Lily, come on, this is us,” she insisted, reaching to take her hands. But Lily avoided her touch.

Hurt flashed across Narcissa’s face. It was only for a second then a mask of cool collectedness covered it.

“Is this because of what happened at the lake?” she asked, very matter of fact. “Snape is an idiot. Mulciber and Avery are rubbing off on him.”

She was being dismissive. Of course she was. It was her go to defence mechanism.

“Well, yes. They are. That’s part of the problem. What he said, there are others who think that as well.”

“And they’re wrong.”

“Even when it’s the likes of your family saying it, Cissa?”

There was a beat where neither of them said anything.

“Oh, come on, Lily! Just because my family runs their mouths about Muggleborns and blood purity doesn’t mean I believe that nonsense.”

Lily wanted to stop this. She wanted forget about the lake, the war, and the man hellbent on securing pure blood supremacy but there was no turning back now. Even if she wished it with all her heart, she couldn’t go back to how it was before. If there had been such a thing as before.

“Bellatrix isn’t just running her mouth though is she. She’s killing people Cis. She’d kill me too.” The words faltered in her mouth, turning to ash.

She couldn’t keep looking at Narcissa. She shone too brightly.

The blonde shifted, stiffened.

“I wouldn’t let that happen.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But you told me yourself what she did to Dromeda. Why wouldn’t she do the same to you?” Lily reasoned in a quiet voice. Her eyes were trained on the hem of her robes. “I don’t want to be the reason you get hurt. . . And I don’t want to get hurt.”

The pause was bloated, filling with unsaid words, waiting to burst open like a sore.

“That’s bullshit Lily and you know it. We could run away. I could protect you.”

“I know that you would try but your loyalty is to them, not to me, and I wouldn’t ask you to choose. But, I can’t be with you like this. Your family would never accept me, never accept us. It was always a fool’s game to think otherwise.”

“You know what, Lily, you could have been a Slytherin with that attitude,” Cissa snapped, lips pursed and jaw jutting.

“Yeah, well we both know why that didn’t happen.”

“There are Muggleborns in Slytherin!”

“Oh, and Elijah Robertson’s head just magically cracked itself open on the flagstone did it?”

Narcissa drew up short, whatever she was about to say died in her mouth. And whatever it was must have left a sour taste judging by the way her face twisted.

“N-nobody knows who did that.” She faltered, voice meek and unsure. It was an unsettling role to see her play.

“Yeah. Sure. But it’s an open secret. Everyone knows that it was Dolohov and his goons,” Lily scoffed. She could feel her ire beginning to rise, heart racing. Before she could argue any further, she added, “I’ve made up my mind. I can’t be with you anymore.”

With a huff, Narcissa slumped against a desk.

“I don’t want this to end.”

It was a whispered admission. Tears glimmered at the edges of her star-bright eyes and there was an almost imperceptible wobble to her bottom lip.

“I know. But it has to.”

Lily hated seeing her like this, hated the fact that it was her fault. She shifted, twisting her hands together. They sat in silence once more. There had been a seismic shift between them and now they stood on opposing sides of an endless ravine. There was nothing either of them could say that would bring the other back.

“So, that’s it,” murmured Narcissa. Her tears remained unshed and her light had dimmed. Their eyes met and Lily thought she saw the faint ghost of a smirk pulling at the corners of her mouth. “I don’t suppose I get one last kiss?”

There was no question. Pushing off the desk she had been leaning against, Lily closed the gap between them in two strides. The pull was as magnetic as it had always been. With gentle hands at her waist, she pulled the blonde girl into a standing position. The rich silk of her robes was slippery under her fingers; its familiarity calmed the fluttering of her pulse. The expensive perfume Narcissa so loved to wear tickled her nose as they drew closer.

Their lips brushed together like a sweet whisper. Again and again and again. They were all featherlight touches.

Until they weren’t.

They were a thunder storm breaking through a summer drought. Mouths hot and bruising, they drank each other up. Hands tangled in hair and grabbed at clothes; all Lily wanted to do was lose herself in this last fevered embrace. She gripped the girl tight, crushing her against her as if they might sink together and never be apart. Heart pounding and blood rushing in her ears, her mind was a tumultuous sea of everything Narcissa.

But, with time, as with all things, they slowed. Foreheads pressed together, still breathing each other, their eyes locked together. A pink flush had crept into the blonde’s cheeks and her lips were cherry red. They stayed that way until their breathing stilled and became even once more.

It was Narcissa that pulled away first, smoothing her hair and straightening her clothes. She now avoided Lily’s gaze, trying to compose herself.

Lily said nothing. What more could she say? Anything else would be an insult.

Cissa brushed and brushed and brushed down her robes but the wrinkles in the silvery silk would not disappear so easily. She paused, head bowed, and sighed. When she raised her chin once more her jaw was set and eyes tight, but that practised mask of cool collectedness was full of cracks.

“I will see you around, darling,” she said, squaring off her shoulders and drawing herself up to her full height.

With a flash of a smile and an airy wave of the hand, she spun on her heel and left. It was only as the door snicked shut that Lily allowed her tears to come. From some unknown reserve, the tears came and fell silently onto her cheeks. She had never felt more alone.

[make-it-mavis]

Homesick (Entry #23)

01/09/88   5:17 AM

Hey.

Hey. Hi. Hello.

I know I’ve said this dozens of times already. But Devs, I don’t want to write this. It’s just a huge, chaotic web of bad, and I just get tangled up whenever I think about it. It just pulls me into a freakin’ mind spiral again. But there are a lot of things I should have told you. There are things that part of me wanted to tell you. I wanted to trust you with this. I wanted to tell you why I shut down and wouldn’t look at you. But I didn’t have time. Or, I guess I didn’t have the guts to do it while I still had time. I was afraid of what you’d say. Of what you’d do. But you can’t say or do anything anymore, so there’s not much at stake. I might as well tell you now.

I believed you were never really supposed to care about me.

I’ve always been pretty sure no one is. It’s just felt like part of my programming. And yeah, I know I adhere to my program the least of any sprite in this Dev-forsaken arcade, but this was different. I did not screw with this. I couldn’t risk getting it wrong. I’ve always had ample reason to believe that being the sort of Easter Egg that I am… more or less means I’m not made for love. Not the real kind, anyway, the kind that actually lasts. The Devs showed me that with their sweet little gamer angels. They love me when I’m new and novel, but the second they get bored, they drop me flat. Say you love me, use me, abuse me, and you’re gone. That’s the formula. It might seem harsh, and, I mean, it is harsh. I’ve been hurt too many times to count. But I adapted. It seemed pretty simple -- don’t give anyone the chance. Don’t get attached to anyone, and never believe anyone is attached to you. They might say they are, they might think they are, but they’re not. They’ll figure it out eventually. I learned this years ago, and I never forgot it.

I begged the question of myself, then, why did my stupid, masochistic, self-sabotaging ass deliberately ignore my own rules when I met you?

My code was constantly screaming that you would leave me if I didn’t leave you first. I could have done it. There were so many opportunities for me to walk away. Maybe we both would have been better off if I did. But I didn’t. I saw it happening, I saw us becoming friends, I felt us hit unsafe territory, and I chose to stay. If what we had was going to end, I decided that you would have to be the one to end it. 

You didn’t. Years went by, and you still didn’t end it.

For a long time, it really seemed like you wouldn’t leave after all. It really seemed like everything was going to be okay.

But then you cared about me.

You just had to go and actually care about me.

Look… I know a lot of this is stupid. It’s about to get even stupider. Now that I’m out of the thick of it, I can recognize a lot of my fears at the time to be ridiculous and irrational. Sometimes, it feels like I’m coming to a point where none of me believes it anymore. I know what happened to you, now. I’m starting to understand why it happened, too. But there are nights where the quiet gets to me. These thoughts come creeping back into my head, and they nibble away at my brain.

Most of the time, the pain I would feel over being abandoned felt like a sort of punishment from the Devs. Like they could see me trying to feel loved, despite being shown time and time again that I’m to stay out of that business entirely, and decided to scold me for it. I know it’s stupid. The Devs can’t see us. They can’t do anything to us. They just left me to run free with this crappy programming, and if I trip over it and bash my face in, that’s on me. I should know how to live with it. I’d like to think that I usually do.

But with you, I just… didn’t know what to do. You were different from anyone else I’d ever had to keep at arm’s length. You’d been the exception to so many rules in my life already. I wanted you to be the exception to this one, too. You know, I just… I wanted to pull you in. So badly. So, being stupid, arrogant, and reckless, I threw caution to the wind and broke the one rule I never broke.

So imagine how it must have looked on my end when, just like that, just as I let you in, you burned up.

I’ve been making my own semblance of peace with that concept, little by little. But, that night at Tapper’s, the pain felt like the Devs’ most horrific sort of punishment of all. It felt like they saw that I had the gall not to leave you, and that you weren’t going to leave me like you were supposed to, because you actually cared about me. So they intervened and ended our friendship for us. It felt like they took you away to keep me in line. It felt like you were paying for my mistake.

Just imagine, for a minute, feeling like your best friend’s death was your fault.

Maybe that will help you understand why I did what I did.

As I stood there in the bathroom stall that night, this revelation tore into my brain like a pack of hungry dogs. The muffled sounds from the bar faded, and I heard -- clear enough to make me jump -- vicious barking. 

This ghost audio cut in and out, and my brain thrummed with each hit, flashes of binary cutting through my vision. I clamped my hands hard over my ears, but I couldn’t shut it out. I just heard it all again. Loud and clear, I heard what that sicko screamed as she beat me.

“You knew this would happen! You could have stopped it! But you didn’t! You let this happen! Now he’s gone! For good! Forever! And that’s on you!

It’s on you!”

I couldn’t breathe. I’d started hyperventilating. My chest heaved wildly and my intentions for a scream came as airy whimpers. All the weight, everything I’d been carrying on my shoulders, bore down and brought me to the floor. Literally. The strength went out of me and I fell back against the stall door, slipping right down onto my ass. I stared at the tile between my feet and found it moving. My vision started to darken around the edges. I knew from unfortunate experience that I’d pass out if I didn’t do something.

So I grabbed my hat and breathed into it as deeply as I could. It just barely helped. Every time I’d start to regain control, my thoughts would spiral again and I’d be gasping. I was just gripped by this feeling of impending doom.

But then someone came in.

When I heard the door swing open, I froze. I almost stopped breathing entirely. I willed my heart to stop, too -- any sign of life that could indicate my presence. But none of that would have mattered. She could see me under the stalls.

Her footsteps stopped a little ways in, and it took a minute for her to say something. I don’t really remember what her voice sounded like, but I know she asked, “Are… you okay?”

I forced myself to take a few deep, steadying breaths, and leaned over to spit in the toilet. With all the strength I could summon, I got to my feet. “Had a bit too much,” I said in a regrettably shaky voice before I flushed away my fictional puke. “Go on and take your piss, I’m fine.”

She didn’t take much convincing. Once I heard her enter a stall, I left. I walked back into the bar room, drawing the gaze of the ever-present accusing eyes all around, without breaking stride. I didn’t care what they thought anymore. I wasn’t afraid. I thought I knew the truth, and it was scarier than all the arcade’s hatred put together.

Wreck-it was back in his stool by the time I got to our spot. I didn’t stay for chit-chat. I gave Tapper his drawing, accepted my pay, and told him I’d be back with another soon. With that, I said goodbye, and was on my way. Wreck-it fell in step behind me after a second, apparently under the impression that we were a unit that evening. I don’t remember if he said anything on the way back, but I certainly didn’t. Not until we were back on that pile of bricks.

I sat in my temporary nest, and he settled in by his stump. After a minute, he prodded awkwardly, “So… how did it feel to get out there again?”

I heard his words, but they meant nothing. They were just sounds demanding more sounds from me. So, automatically, I said, “Good. Thank you.”

He paused. “Wait, wait. Did you just thank me? You?”

I barely noticed the tears spilling down my face. I was frozen.

After receiving no sass, or any response at all, he muttered, “Well… You’re welcome. I’m glad it helped.”

He fell asleep shortly after.

I didn’t sleep at all.

I sat, quivering, for Devs know how long, hands clamped over my mouth, my whole body clenched so tight I could barely breathe, just desperately trying to keep quiet. My eyes wouldn’t close, they just stared blankly off into the dark and overflowed down onto my hands. There was a battle raging in my head, a last-ditch effort to remain in control. I was losing.

It was the first of many attempts to convince myself that you didn’t, in fact, give a crit about me.

I still do this. All the time. If I can believe you never cared, it’s easier. Then it’s your fault. Then I can be angry at you, and being angry is easy. You never cared about our friendship, because you never cared about a single thing but yourself. I was a toy to you, an object, a trophy. I was fun, I was pretty, I was something you had that no one else in the arcade could even lay a finger on, and you loved that. But it wasn’t me that mattered. It was your pleasure, your pride. You trashed me without hesitation. You’re the asshole. You left me behind. You did this to me. It’s your fault. All your fault. 

It didn’t work then, and it certainly doesn’t work now, knowing what I do.

I was so, so wrong to want proof that our friendship mattered to you. I have more of it now than I can handle, and I can never let it go. It’s not in a letter or a memento, something I can destroy and forget -- it’s in all my Dev-forsaken memories. I can see it in all the things we did together, the things you’d say, the way you treated me different from everyone else, in things I don’t have the heart to mention. 

I won’t say that those memories aren’t important to me. I won’t say that I really want to forget them. I will say that there are still nights where I think of each one, and I wonder if they were all nails in your proverbial coffin. At the time, I certainly believed they were.

Those memories assaulted my head as I sat there, woven into horrid echoes of barking and shouting and my own screaming.

I couldn’t stand it.

I just couldn’t stand this new reality I’d pieced together where it was my fault you were gone. I couldn’t stay in it a day longer. I needed to leave. I needed buffs -- not cutesy vanilla Boosts or Heals anymore, no. I didn’t need to blur reality, I needed to change it.

I needed Game Changers.

And, thanks to Tapper, I had the credits for it.

[copias-thrall]

When Mary Met Sally … err, Suey

Timestamp How do two walking disasters meet? Well, one of them walks into a bar …

(Start at the beginning)

*public sex*

It’s not the worst dive bar you’ve ever been to, but any place that can double as a venue usually makes a bit more effort. Maybe there are some coding regulations or whatever. Your friend swears by it for cheap drinks and chaotic atmosphere, which is why you made the effort to put on a dress—a short, black thing with diaphanous tails that forgives your belly rolls—and did your doll eyes.

But the bitch isn’t even here yet. You’re on your second beer—and a band growling into mics and shredding is playing on the paltry performance area that the bar boasts—when you get another text. The first one—that you had received upon arrival yourself—had said she was on her way. This one says she’s leaving work now.

You sigh and tap your foot along to the bass. The majority of the patrons in the place are crowded into the venue room, bopping and screaming along. There are a handful, like you, who are loitering by the bar—an old drunk; two finance types with loose ties; a gaggle of scene girls waiting for their drink order; and a group of college kids at a bar top with a half-full pitcher surrounded by empty shot glasses.

The bartender—a crusty-looking dude with long, greying hair and the kind of tattoos you’d expect were done in the kitchen of a friend’s house by a biker—leans on the bar into your space and sets down a shot.

“Boyfriend stand you up, doll?”

You give the shot a little toast to him and shoot it, only coughing a little and the whiskey’s afterburn.

“Something like that” you say.

“He’s a fool to leave a face as pretty as yours up for grabs.” He pushes away from the bar to service the next customer as you stammer, “Um, thanks.”

One-third through your third beer is when you get the text that she just got home and is exhausted and can’t possibly change to come back out and meet you now. You roll your eyes, even if this was exactly what you were expecting. You’re annoyed since she picked this bar because it was near her work and therefore a quick jaunt for her on her way home—whereas you took the bus for 27min and then walked 3 blocks. But, ok.

You definitely have to pee, and—after debating  whether you can wait until you finish this beer—ultimately decide that peeing is actually an imperative. Since your friend’s not here, you’ll have to take your beer with you. It seems the band must have just finished because it looks like every women in the bar is now waiting to use the two-stall women’s room. Your eyes flick over to the men’s room where there’s—you guessed it—no one.

“Fuck it,” you say out loud. “I’m crossing enemy lines.”

Occasionally you can get a flock to come with you, but tonight it seems like the other women are content with their lot, and not one follows in your wake. You kick open the door and yell, Female coming aboard! as you stomp into the bathroom. You’re prepared to cover your eyes, because men get real shy, but there actually doesn’t seem to be anyone even in here. You don’t question your luck, just make a beeline for the small stall.

Once in the stall, you debate the logistics of what to do with your beer glass—you don’t usually mind putting it on the floor, but for some reason this time you get a bad feeling, which is when you remember that you have tits. Using your cleavage, bra panel, and neckline, the glass fits quite snuggly—and you only have to be somewhat careful as you perform the intricate process of doing your business without spilling the liquid or getting your dress in the toilet.

When you wander out there’s a dude in the stall next to yours and a tall, skinny, punk guy at the bathroom sinks. He’s leaning into the cracked mirror and either putting on makeup or touching it up. Actually, upon closer inspection he’s in white face paint with black, corpse-like accents and … blood?

Whatever.

His eyes meet yours in the mirror as you sway over to the sink next to his.

“What?” he says with a sneer.

You turn to face him, leaning your hip on the sink; you point to your own mug saying, “You got something on your face,” and do a few sweeping circles with your hand. “Hereabouts.”

He looks at you and furrows his brow as you turn to wash your hands, remembering at the last minute to not lean over. In the mirror you watch as his eyes glance down to your beer cleavage. 

Beerage. 

Hah.

“Pfft. You wish, dude.”

He doesn’t say anything further, but you feel his eyes heavy on you as you finish up and saunter out. You make your way back to the bar, sighing in relief when you can safely deposit your pint glass back on the counter. The stage area is now dimmed and you notice the crowd has thinned somewhat while the bar has gained new pods of people.

You fiddle a bit with your phone—checking social media, playing a round on your game app, and texting out memes—until a fresh glass of beer is set down in front of you. One you didn’t order. When you follow the perspiring glass up you meet the black-rimmed eyes of the guy from the men’s room. He’s resting on his crossed arms and smirking you.

“I do wish, actually,” he says.

“What?”

He gives you an exaggerated once over.

You squint at him. “Weren’t you in that band?”

“Wow. ‘That band.’ Yeah, I am.”

“So why’re you behind the bar?”

He leans back, licking his lips and looking down at you with hooded eyes.

“I’m multitalented,” he says, and then makes a vulgar motion with his tongue.

You’re about to respond with something very clever, you’re sure, when the older bartender barks, “Mary!—a little help?”

He makes a shrugging motion at you as you before he turns to help with a gaggle of girls who all giggle and bat their eyelashes at him. You hadn’t intended to stay past your third beer, but after you assess the lines of “Mary’s” body and the swell of his ass in his ripped jeans, you slide the proffered beer closer to you. Maybe the night won’t be a bust after all.

You’ve just started on the gift beer when “Mary” saunters back over. He pours a shot and shoots it himself before leaning on the edge with his hip and considering you.

“Is your name really ‘Mary’?”

He lifts his chin at you in challenge. “What of it?”

You giggle. “It’s just—”

“A girl’s name? Yes, I’m qu—”

“It’s my name,” you say as you slap your hands on the bar.

He squints at you. “It’s not.”

You fish a credit card out of your phone wallet and offer it to him. He takes it, looks at it, looks at you, looks at it again, lets out a Huh , then hands it back to you.

“Well, I’m not calling you Mary. I’m calling dibs on it.”

You rest your tits on the bar as you lean toward him conspiratorially.

“You’ll have to scream something later.”

He raises his eyebrows at you.

“That’s presumptuous,” he says as he straightens and crosses his arms.

Well, ok. It’s possible you misread him. Maybe he was just angling for a good tip. You think of the other girls straining for his attention.

You shrug. “You caught me in a mood to grant wishes. But whatever.”

He gives you an unreadable look before he’s being called away again, and then he’s pouring drinks across the bar—and your face burns.

You’re suddenly irritated. It just feels like it’s been a day of teases—first your friend inviting you out then blowing you off, and now this guy who implied he’d like to fuck you only to back off once you called him on it. You could be home watching Netflix, not alone at a bar with only your phone for company. You dig into the bustle at your hip that’s really a bag and fish out a $20 and a $5—which may be a little over, but worth it in terms of expediency.

You slip off the bar stool and remove your coat from it, intending to shrug it on. It’s going to be a bitch to get home—the bus only coming every 90min at this point, so you may be in for a long walk if you don’t want to wait or splurge on a cab.

“Christ, you’re impatient,” comes a voice from behind you, and you startle.

When you turn, the Mary guy is behind you. You narrow your eyes at him.

“Dude, I’m not playing your games.” You jab your finger into his chest. “If you’re pulling some PUA shit on me, I’m not into it.”

He takes your elbow and guides back onto the stool.

“Since when is a free brooze a game? Just hang and enjoy the fucking beer I bought you, k?”

“I wouldn’t want to be presumptuous ,” you snipe, but allow him to help you back on the stool.

“And here I thought women liked a little flirtation.”

“Is that what you thought you were doing?”

He slaps his hand to his chest and makes a pained face.

“Mary get your dick back in here!” yells the other guy.

“Coming, Mickey!” he yells, his eyes still on you. He licks his lips and gives you another once over. “I have a break coming up,” he says as he backs away. “Stay.”

“MARY!”

You watch as he scrambles back behind the bar to close tabs and sling more beers. When he catches you looking at him, he winks. You just scowl at him. Some of the girls at the bar look at you with a mixture of curiosity, interest, and envy.

Whatever. Can’t shut this down.

You sip at the beer, growing increasingly more amused as Mary’s attention keeps drifting back to you. You raise your now half-full beer at him, eyebrow raised. The older dude—Mickey—wanders over to you.

“Well now, darlin’—I’m not surprised you caught our Mary’s eye, pretty thing like you. Be careful of that one though.”

You grin at him, showing teeth.

“He should be careful of me.”

Mickey blinks at you for a second, then bursts out laughing and throws his hands up. Mary is looking over at the two of you worriedly.

Time ticks on, and the beer that you’re purposely nursing goes down. Mary swings by every now and then, but never for more than a quip or two before he’s back doing Bar Things. It’s been hours , and honestly you’re pretty bored with just sitting at the bar waiting . And you’re definitely going to need a cab home because in these heels? No. 

You decide, fuck it . It’s not like this guy was going to be amazing. You drain the rest of the beer, and decide to hit the head before heading out. It’s nearly midnight, so there’s no line or issue with the women’s room, and you’re basically in and out. When you leave the restroom, you’re startled again by Mary—who’s leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets.

“Hey,” he says. “Leaving so soon?”

You level a look at him. “I’ve been here for 6 hours.”

He scrunches his brow at you.

“Really?”

“So unless you’re going to fuck me soon …”

He pulls at you. “How ‘bout you take me home when I get cut, and I’ll fuck you into the mattress?”

You press your tits into him. “And will that be soon?” you ask sweetly.

“I’m here until 2, but—”

“Yeah, no,” you say, extracting yourself.

He bites his lip. “Well … I’m on my break,” he looks down the hall towards the bar, “but there’s probably only 10min left.”

You cross your arms at him. “So you’ll have 7min to spare.”

Mary straightens. “You’ve got a mouth on you.”

You lick your lips exaggeratedly and smirk. “I know.”

He grabs you by your wrist, and yanks you into his body, leering into your face. “Well, if you want me to pound you into tomorrow right now, I have no problem with that.” 

He drags you into the men’s room, not even stopping to assess for casualties. There’s a guy at a urinal, but he doesn’t even look up as Mary ushers you into the stall. He runs a hand into your hair and grips you by the roots. You go with it, allowing him to tilt your head back.

He leans into your space to growl, “You better be fucking quiet.”

“I doubt it’ll be an issue,” you taunt, biting at him.

Mary pushes you back and shoves his fingers into your mouth.

“I told you to be fucking quiet.”

He crams his fingers further down your throat. When you don’t gag, his interest piques, and he spends about 30 seconds thrusting his fingers in and out of your mouth.

“Shame we can’t explore that,” he says as he extracts his fingers and wipes them on his jeans. Your eyes are drawn to the decent bulge at his crotch. When he tracks your gaze, he gives his dick a vulgar squeeze. “Is this what you’re here for?”

“It sure ain’t the conversation.”

“I’m tempted to shut you up with it.”

“ Promises ,” you purr.

You press into him, then reach under your dress to yank down your panties. You use the solid presence of his body for balance as you slide them down and then off one leg, wobbling a little as the loop catches on your heel. His arm reaches up to steady your elbow as you shake your boot free. He watches you, and you wink at him exaggeratedly as you stuff the excess fabric into the other boot.

“Been a while since I fucked a smart girl,” he quips.

You hook your hand around the back of his neck. 

“What about me? Am I about to fuck a smart boy?” You grab his hand to lead to your pussy. “Make me wet for you.”

He’s quick to get with the program, and he cups you with his whole hand before his fingers explore between your folds. You pull his head down to engage him in a sloppy kiss, sucking at his tongue and biting at his lips. A finger presses shallowly into your hole, then smears your slick up to your clit. You moan into Mary’s mouth as the pad of his finger circles you a few times.

He repeats the process until you’re sloppy, spreading your wetness out and over your lips. He breaks the suction of your mouth to whisper into your ear. “If we had all night, I’d play your pussy like my guitar and make you scream until you were horse—and that would be before I fucked the shit out of you.”

Then Mary retracts his hand—wiping his fingers on his jeans again—so he can work at his studded belt and zipper.

“But I’m really looking forward to burying my cock in you before my break is over.”

He advances on you, but you stop him with a hand to his chest.

“Condom?”

He pauses to pat at his jeans before pulling out his wallet from his back pocket and extracting a condom packet. He hands the foil to you so he can shove his jeans and boxers down. His hard cock juts out from his pelvis, and you lick your lips. You open the packet, make sure the condom is correct side up, and then roll it down his cock as he grips at your arms. Then you turn around so you can brace your hands against the back wall and perch your foot on the toilet.

“Not your first rodeo, I take it?”

You glare at him over your shoulder.

“If you slut shame me I will punch you in the nuts and walk out of here.”

He shuffles closer. “No, it’s hot. You fuck a lot of dick in bathrooms?” 

“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.”

His hands run up your sides and then start to fiddle with the tails of your dress.

“So you should have no problem answering me.”

“You’re awfully glib for a guy who wants to get his dick wet.”

He’s still fiddling with your dress.

“I’m not the one who needed to fuck right now —christ what are these?”

“Just tie it in a bow!”

You feel the tails tug and tighten, then Mary crowds into your space. He rubs his cockhead through your slit a few times, and every time he hits your clit, you let out an Mmm . Then he presses at your hole and begins to slowly push in as you push back. You moan and he grunts as he sinks into you, a steadying hand at your hip.

He presses closer, his one hand bracing next to yours on the wall.

“This ok?”

“Oh god,” you moan as you clench around him.

“ Shit . I’m going to fuck you now.”

He gives a few experimental thrusts until he finds a good angle and rhythm—and then you’re in trouble. He curls an arm around your waist and begins to pound into you as much as the position and angle allows—which is more than enough to have you moaning out.

“Fuck, you’re tight. You feel so good around my cock.” He bites into your shoulder. “Fucking tell me you like my cock.”

“Fills me up so good!”

His cock does feel good—enough that you’re still wet—but definitely not enough for you to come. You try to take a hand off the wall so you can finger yourself, but a well-placed jolt from Mary has you sliding dangerously before you catch yourself. You try your other hand with similar results.

“What are you doing?” Mary pants.

“Need … my clit …” you whine.

The arm around your waist loosens, and Mary’s hand wanders down your stomach and begins to search around for access. He’s just about to dip down, when your trembling leg gives out and shoots across the toilet. You’re sure it’s about to go into the bowl, but then Mary’s hand is there, gripping your thigh hard to steady you.

“Fuck, careful.”

It becomes clear that Mary’s supporting arm around your waist is all that’s keeping your boot from sliding away, so he doesn’t attempt to finger you again. He’s panting into your ear with the effort of fucking into you and holding you up, and you feel him start to flag. He slows his pace to long thrusts, and you can hear the squelch every time he bottoms out.

“Are you at all close?” he wheezes.

“Not really.” All you can think about is the strain in your arms and the tremor in your leg.

He blows out a breath.

“I don’t know how much longer I can—”

“Just cum,” you say.

“Are you sure?”

“It’s fine.”

He grips you tighter as he speeds up, forehead pressing into your shoulder blades, and then he’s giving a hard thrust into you gasping, “Oh god, oh fuck.” He gives another couple of jolting thrusts into you, grunting, before the tension bleeds out of him and he leans into you. It’s too much strain on your arms, and you squirm with an annoyed Ok . He back ups, and his softening cock slips out of you. You shakily bring down your leg and push off the wall. When you turn around, you see that Mary has already tied off the condom and is pulling up his pants. You grab some toilet paper to swipe at yourself as Mary just stands there.

Frankly he looks a little embarrassed.

“I am actually better at doing that.”

You nod at him. “I’m sure.”

“I could—”

“I’m going to pee now,” you say, and make a shooing motion.

He blinks at you a few times, then back ups and slips out of the stall. You have to get your whole situation in order, so when you leave the stall, Mary’s no longer in the restroom. A drunk guy does a double take.

“Emeye the right place?” he slurs as he turns and misses the urinal.

You give him jazz hands. “ This is all a dream .”

When you get back to the bar, there are only the truly drunk left still standing—metaphorically speaking. Mary’s at the other end fussing with the cash register as the Mickey dude gestures at him. You grab your coat back up to put on—you already left the cash for the drinks and tip so there’s nothing left for you to settle up.

As you push open the door to the outside, you hear an exasperated Mary behind you, so you’re not surprised when—3 steps out of the bar—Mary grabs your arm.

“Wait!” he says.

You sigh, but stop. “I have to get up for work tomorrow and I’ve already spent my entire night waiting. It’s, like. Super late. What ?”

“Well I—don’t you think you deserve the full Mary experience?” He makes a sweeping motion up and down his body.

“Not tonight I don’t. Tonight I deserve a hot shower and my warm bed.”

“I will literally come by whenever and eat you out for hours. I owe you at least one phenomenal orgasm, but I’ll call the other nine interest.”

You consider him.

“C’mon,” he says swaying closer. “Give me your number, and I’ll show you what I can really do. Don’t you want this warm, wiggly tongue making you sing the high notes?” He goes to run his fingers through your hair, but you dodge and he drops his hand, his face falling.

He looks like a little boy who just got his favorite ball taken away. 

You sigh.

“Tell you what: Uber me a ride home, and you can give me your number.”

“What?” he says, squinting at you.

“Consider it asshole tax.”

He stares at you, then he takes out his wallet and rifles through it. “I don’t have Uber—you know they’re anti-union, right? But here—” He pulls out $40 and extends the bills to you. “This is all I have. For a cab.”

You stare at the bills for a moment, then pluck a twenty from him.

“This is fine.”

You take out your phone and poke at it until you’re in your contacts.

“Here.”

He takes the device into his long fingers. He does the hunt and peck until his number is in your phone. When he gives it back to you, you see his number is under “Best Sex You’ll Ever Have”.

You snort. “Subtle.”

He sneers. “Can’t have you confusing me with your other conquests.”

You waggle your phone at home. “I’ll call you. And you better rock my fucking world.”

Once you get home, you basically collapse, and the next morning is hell in getting yourself up and alert—but once the day wears on, you find yourself opening and closing Mary’s number. It actually takes you two more days before you decide: Why not have fun with a booty call?

Me [4:37pm]: My pussy’s not going to eat itself.

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