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indigo474 · 2 years ago

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2223- yesterday and forever more

i tried to go to the gym tonight. i could tell by the parking lot it was crowded- i came home and went for a walk/run outside-under the almost full moon and clouds. i would choose being outside to being in the gym anyday. I'm having a week. Maybe the past few weeks? I saw James tuesday- technically i failed to bench 85lbs- or did i? I'm not even sure- i attempted to doit and on the 3rd one my mind started to wander and i didnt complete it. i have no idea what i was thinking about- one second i was there-the next i wasn't. he asked me what happened. my mind focused and then not- he made me do it again and i completed 3 so i did the 5 but not in a row.. the highlight of my week was seeing Kika- she is precious and she loves me. she is always so happy to see me. i try not to think about the fact that she is old and going to die..

I'm hormonal this week. probably why ive become antisocial. it's hard for me to not be hard on myself when i get like this- the very last thing i need is me being mean to me.. but that voice in my head is STILL there- no longer a roar- a whisper of self doubt and loathing. i wish i wasn't aware of how fucked up i am. the more i learn the more i realize how messed up i really am- i'm not sure it's such a good thing to know how screwed up you are. some people don't have a clue-

i was angry this week too- i always throught x was a better person than he was- i tend to do that with people. I am learning though. I will not tolerate lying. i can't disrespect myself like that. i guess i'm mad because it would have been nice to have someone to hang out with- but he turned out to be a liar- not only a liar but someone who looked me in the eye and lied about lying. i even said to him so you're not even going to own up to it.. he didn't know what to say- he texted me to call him when i got home so he could explain- i never did- nor will i. i've learned some hard lessons about people and the lies they tell. i don't know that there is anything more important than trust in a relationship. i would have wasted time with that insecure bitch boy. i should have thanked him for showing me who he really was.

Work is hard- every day i find out another thing i am responsible for. My team is doing great. so far they are doing everything i have asked of them. I figured out real quick that the corporate world runs on reports. i think i heard it mentioned 1 time something about a report and i was like OHH that's how they keep track of us. I always wanted to look good on the report. why? i dont know why? because i care entirely too much and i like to do a good job.. ANYWAY- now i have to look at reports for my people. there is a report for everything and i am bombarded with them multiple times per day. We came up with action plans- All are doing great and far exceeding expectations. Its pretty amazing and i hope it continues. it's not easy though and i've had to have conversations i wish i didn't have to have-only 1 girl is not doing what we talked about her doing- i believe she is trying- she is going through a lot of shit and has no support and my heart breaks for her. I am going to have to sit with her next week and go over the reports and let her know there hasn't been any improvement with what we talked about. it just sucks. I'm getting 2 new people on my team next week for a total of 6. i'm taking it day by day. another thing i have to be gentle with myself about-i'm bound to mess up and not know everything- it's been a real challenge.

life is good- i can do hard things- giving up is never an option-Spring is almost here- i don't like texting-my daughter is now claiming to be vegan- life changes- hope i never feel my age- a grateful heart is a magnet for miracles-

I finally got rid of all the bird feathers i was collecting. I was going to make myself a pair of wings to get into heaven- just in case. i decided not to do that and to trust that i'll earn my wings somehow. i kept a couple cool feathers.i was going to take them down to the river and have a ceremony. it's bad enough i have a rock collection- i had to let the feathers go-in my backyard. for now on i will only bring a feather home if its super cool or if i need a certain color for a spell.

i've been sleeping better than ever. i am going to go look at a condo on sunday- it doesnt hurt to look. i know it sounds horrible but i'm kind of hoping the housing market crashes- Good night almost full moon-

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bluwrites · 2 years ago

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A/n: I accidentally deleted the post, and now I have to rewrite this whole request😭 It was a request by @cyber-streak-2 for headcanons of TFE Elita-1, Swindle, Wheeljack, and Megatron reacting to a human kid (around 10 years old) calling them dad/mom.

In the HC portion for Megs, you basically have two dads 🤭 just read

Spoilers maybe??

TFE Elita-1, Swindle, Wheeljack, and Megatron react to kid calling them dad/mom

Elita-1

-Your dad works for GHOST, and he has Elita-1 watch over you while he's on duty and she's available, sadly no mom in the picture

-It just, sort of slipped out of you one day

-You two had been enjoying your respective lunches together

-Elita-1 had a fresh Energon cube, and you a bowl of Mac n' Cheese

-You had finished your food before she could get half way into hers

-Wanting more of the delicious cheesey meal you asked her for more

-"Mom? Can I have more?"

-She was surprised, but didn't question it aloud

-Sure, the two of you had spent a lot of time together!

-She knows about your home situation, as your father of course has explained that

-But, you choosing her to be a mother figure?

-Was it really long enough for you to start calling for her by "mom"?

-It had to have been, if you were calling for her repeatedly to get her attention

-"Mom, mom, MOM!"

-"Sure, more Mac n' Cheese coming up!"

Swindle

-Your parents don't do a good job of taking care of you, or even taking track of you for that

-So when you and this giant yellow and purple robot become friends, your parents are none the wiser

-You start to see him as more of a parent than your own ones

-He likes to drive around town with you in his back seats

-No seat belt no doubt

-When you start picking up on his criminal behaviors is when you start calling him dad

-It was one day where you had taken this doll from a classmate because you got jealous she had one and you didnt

-You snatched it from her backpack at the end of the day when she hadn't been paying attention

-You'd bring the doll to Swindle when you get to hang out with him next

-Talking about how you took it from her and everything

-"Dad? Are you listening?"

-He's literally tearing up

-This little kid, he only met four months ago, is already picking up on his behaviors!

-Better yet, you called him dad! It's like he'a got his own little "Mini me"

-No matter how out of character it is for him, he pats you on the head and tells you how much of a good job you did

-"That's great Kiddo, absolutely great!"

Wheeljack

-Your mom works for GHOST, and with no one at home to watch over you, the company allows you to stay under the watch of Wheeljack when he's not in the field

-You like to tinker with things you find in his workshop, for instance some copper wire

-You had been inspired by a Rose painting in your art teachers class room, the colours reminded you of Wheeljack

-While Wheeljack worked on fixing on of his prototype drones, you started shaping the wire

-You got frustrated by it, a lot, but you eventually made what you went for, even if it was quiet mishaped

-Wheeljack was too busy with tinkering with his drone, to be bothered by you

-This made you upset, you spent all this time making this wire sculpture for him and he wouldn't listen to you

-Even if you're 10 years old you can still cry, your mom let's you know it's good to show your emotions

-When tears start welling in yours eyes you cry out

-"Dad, why won't you look at what I made"

-Hearing you cry he looks to see what's the matter, finally paying attention to you

-"What's wrong kiddo? Why are you cryin'?!"

-"You wouldn't pay attention to me when I showed you my Rose, dad"

-His optics widen, but a smile spreads on his faceplate, picking you up gently

-"Here, you can show me it now kid."

Megatron

-Not everyone at GHOST agreed that it would be a good idea for you to be watches by Megatron while your dad (a GHOST agent) worked, but it happened anyways

-You'd find your ten year old self roaming the halls of GHOST, in search of him

-You had somehow convinced him to play hide and seek with you

-You hadn't managed to find him yet, wherever he's hiding you were sure to find him soon

-You're sure of it!

-Your flip flops patter against the floor as you round a corner, looking down it sneakily in hopes he'd be there

-But no, not there

-You sighed, maybe you could trick him into thinking you'd given up?

-That would be sure to work!

-"I give up! You win hide n' seek Dad!"

-Oh, had you really said that aloud?! Embarrassment waved over you

-"Sorry, I meant Megatron!" You called back out

-Megatron emerged from his hiding spot, that was actually a hall behind you

-You turn around when you hear him coming

-"I though I checked that way!!" You grumble, slapping your hands to your face in defeat

-He looks down at your little body, you calling him dad was unexpected, but it had a nice ring to it.

-"I guess I win, don't I y/n?" he laughs, crouching down to offer his hand to you

-"Yeah, I guess"

#coffeistwriter #maccadam #coffe does asks #earthspark spoilers #earthspark #cyber streak 2 #tfe megatron #tfe swindle #tfe wheeljack #tfe elita-1 #tfe

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ayuki-ikuya · 3 years ago

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I come bringing ideas and headcanons.

OK, so we all already know what The Three oldest archons abilities. So I’ve come up with my own ideas we could use for the younger archons! (And yes I’m grouping Ei, Venti and Zhongli as the older siblings since Ei Is 1000 years old Venti is 2,500 and Zhongli is 5,000-6,000 and the other archons are still in the hundreds I think)

Again these aren’t canon just stuff you can use for future Requests for Twisted wonderland x Teyvat God! Reader

For Dendro archon!Reader

Definitely a Bow User. And Is a Healer. But the their Ult can cause damage

I have a theory That during the Archon War The dendro Archin created the Regisvines to fight for them, and only two were left. I also Headcanon The dendro archon can bring plants to life and overwrite what each plant can do. (Maybe even bring mushrooms to life 👀).

Maybe They can create a giant plant from the ground that spreads Healing energies and since this is a god where talking about can Cure Curses (Ahem Vils Curses Ahem) and major Diseases and what not.

For Their Ult maybe a giant plant monster (kinda like how Gouba and Oz exists ) that will attack for them (could make for fun combos with different elements like if the dendro archon was wet Hydro Plant monster)

For Hydro archon!reader

Polearm or sword (theirs way too many Hydro Catalyst) Healer and Dps, Why? Cause I say so.

You’ve mentioned how Hydro archon summons a giant wave? I’ll do you one better and their E skill summons a giant sea creature of your choosing to soak the fighters (A cool visual is their polearm turning into a big dream catcher then going swoosh and Baam Maybe like A giant Water Koi fish finna drown your ass *ahem ace ahem*)

Now mihoyo likes to reference Their character form honkai impact into genshin impact (and since they took a characters look from Honkai and another characters abilities with the whole Dual ego thing for Raiden shogun and Ei) I’m gonna base this Ultimate Skill From a character from Honkai (for research search up Herrsercher of Sentience)

Since the Hydro archons whole thing is about Justice. Now here me out here. WATER WHIP. Just a giant whip of water that can go on for miles (maybe it’s salty maybe it’s like fresh water depends on our readers mood lolol). Like, It’s whip of water strong enough to cut diamond or whatever it would be very cool (Kalim would wanna see if he could do something like that with his UM Que jamil trying to stop him)

Maybe their hair turns into water too.

Pyro archon! Reader

Claymore. A Big strong war god needs a big strong weapon. Dps and Defense.

Now It’s not just one claymore, It’s DUAL-CLAYMORE, why? Cause it’s a war god that’s why!

I like to think the shield is like Xinyans and XiangLings combined and it’s constantly sending off tiny Fire Discs. Or just symbols shooting fire like what the Pyro Abyss mages can do

For Ultimate I like to think it’s like Childes Daggers but Bigger and on fire just a huge sword made of fire.

The pyro archon doesn’t think just BURNS. and STABE

Cryo archon! Reader

I can’t really come up with much for Cryo archon. But maybe a Catalyst that can summon a giant blizzard that drops down giant ice swords (kinda like Ganyus)

Definitely a sub DPS.

Maybe a healer too since The Tsaritsa is The archon of love?

What do you think about these abilities? Since you mentioned that the students and staff would assume their just strong mages I tried to be very creative with these abilities.

Also how I think the lore could go is maybe somewhere after leonas overblot and before azuls, Crowly has found a way to send Yuu home reluctantly. Yuu, grim and the aduece duo, and maybe some of heartslaybul or savana claw whoever you want come with them to the office to send them home. But Yuu is contemplating whether or not they WANT to go home now. But something goes wrong, maybe grim messes up the spell for the portal to work becuase (although he doesn’t want to admit it ) doesn’t want Yuu leaving, and their greeted with a surprise guest. Now this gives Yuu time to decide if they genuinely wanna go home and when teh archon finally has the materials they need to create a portal Yuu will tell them to leave the portal open (maybe put it into a tiny pocket mirror like the how we have the teapot) because they wanna stay for a little while or just until grim graduates (Que a happy fire cat ) and the archon whose grown attached to some people here was like ok “let our friends visit whenever they want, only if their headmaster allows it”

Now onto the headcanons

Anemo Archon! Reader and Mondstadt! Yuu

Everyone expected a lot of things not a person with Green eyes and (H/C) hair with green highlights. And an odd thing about them was the glowing stone on their person, Yuu didn’t have that?

Everyone’s freaking out because they’ve accidentaly taken another person from Yuus world.

And since Venti Is a well known famous bard In teyvat let’s say or Dear (y/N) is also a known bard and is not at all freaking out about what’s going on in fact let’s say our dear reader recognizes Yuu! And so now (Y/N) is now a new student (and a new headache for Crowley) in the ramshackle dorm! Yup! Just an ordinary human bard, Ehe~.

I’ll leave the rest of this up to you, Where Yuu has to explain what the world of teyvat is like (and why Yuu doesn’t have a phone (and a vision) because Twisted wonderland is far more advance in Technology and teyvat has JUST invented the Camera)

Also I head canon that people with Visions can summon their weapons and object with their visions, ok? Ok. To make things make more sense when reader pulls out a lyre from floating glitter.

Geo archon!reader and Liyue! Yuu

Same things happend here, but hey! We’ve summoned a Funeral Consultant! A very (ahemATTRACTIVEahem) Wise funeral consultant at best!

Our dear Friend (y/n) is very calm about the situation as well. After all everyone and liyue knows their god was killed and The Adepti are watching over them

So Our dear reader is seeing this as a free vacation 😊

Electro Archon!Reader and Inazuma!yuu

Since the god of Inazuma isn’t “Dead” or hasn’t left and the people know what their beloved archon looks like, Yuu will definitely Be Freaking the fuck out

“YOU DIDNT BRING ME HOME YOU JUST SUMMONED MY PEOPLES FUCKING GOD OH SHIT”

insert the meme of the womens face that gets zoomed in on the second panel “the. WHAT.” 😃

And y’know how Eis “Hello” voice line where she makes the traveler her guard she says the same thing to Yuu except “I recognize you are one of my people as your archon I shall be your guard and keep you safe from any danger in this Foreign world” and let’s say The puppet will not be used and Reader will be in control becuase they don’t have to worry about erosion right now so the puppet will be resting while (Y/N) is in control protecting their Precious Inazuma citizen is ok.

Well until They can get the materials they need to open a portal. I’ll let you figure out the rest, but congrats ramshackle you now have a god in your abode 😃✨

-Plot Anon 💗

PLOT ANON-SAMAAAAAAAAAA ILY!!!!!!!!! Thank you for your hard work sob

Anyways, for skills of the archons-

Dendro Archon

I think they'd use a sword or a catalyst tbh, if the skills you listed, it makes a little more sense to have them be more of a catalyst

For their elemental skill, I think they'd summon/throw something similar to Klee's and Aloy's elemental skill except they heal if someone in your party is nearby, their healing could scale by their EM or ER.

For their burst, I like your head canon for the Dendro Archon, so I might go off from that and your idea for their burst, just more tweaking. The dendro archon would be able to summon a large plant that heals AND deals Dendro damage by sapping mobs hp. The amount of life sapping it does and the healing would scale off their original HP (artifacts that give hp won't be of use)

Hydro Archon

I agree with hydro polearm or sword. Too many catalysts

Mmm... To be honest, I think you should have the burst be her skill... The whip idea is intriguing, but I think it would work more for a skill which can allow them to use it several times before waiting for the CD to go down. I think the whip skill would work better with Crit as well.

AND AS FOR THE MENTIONS OF WAVE AND A SEA CREATURE, I'LL DO YOU ONE BETTER BUT FOR THEIR BURST!!!! They summon a large tsunami which takes form of a monster/animal and lunges at the mobs (similar to Zhongli tossing down a dumbbell), however the amount of damage the burst can do is depending on if they are afflicted by the wet status the mobs are afflicted by. If already afflicted with hydro, the mobs would receive double damage while those with other elements afflicted on them would receive the element combination DMG and normal DMG while those that aren't affected by an element, they would receive normal damage. The amount of damage the burst does is scaled by EM.

Pyro Archon

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA CLAYMORE

Hmmm.... I think the skill would be they set an AoE with magma, mobs will receive damage from it and will continue to receive damage if they stay on it, but those who are in party, they will receive an ATK boost that scales from HP.

For the burst, I think I'll use a character from Honkai Impact with their special move which is Murata Himeko in Vermilion Knight: Eclipse battlesuit. Pyro Archon uses their claymore and another claymore but made of pyro and is far more larger and their cut scene has the Archon raise the pyro claymore above their head and slam it down to send pyro erupting from the ground (similar to the pyro axe wielding hilichurls)

Cryo Archon

I agree with catalyst

Mmmmmm.... I'd say her skill would beeeeee... Trapping several mobs or so in ice. They can either do 2-4 ice traps depending if you got their c1. (The ice traps are similar to Mirror Maidens traps BTW but it deals or affects the mobs with cryo)

For burst, I like the idea of summoning a blizzard/swords, but it's similar to Ganyu's. SO I'LL DO YOU ONE BETTER!!!! Cryo Archon will summon a blizzard which freezes mobs without having to use hydro, the freeze status lasts for a total of 15 seconds or higher if you got their c3

Hmmm... I like the idea, but imma tweak it a bit. The archon was in fact summoned through that portal because Grim decided to mess it up just for Yuu to stay a little longer, and so the Archon now resides in Twisted Wonderland as well in order to aide them until they can return back to their world. That way it makes more sense and makes it more fun.

Anemo archon

Yuu would be a bit jealous about them because they got a vision.

Crowley needs to hide his money

Sam has been strictly told to not give them wine that Sam stores in his shop...

Vargus is conflicted about them because they legit float without magic

Trein recurved a major headache

Divus is praying to whatever god existing to take them back

Ehe

EHE TE NANDAYO!?

Geo Archon

Yuu feels awkward meeting the consultant of the funeral parlor having to meet the Director...

Crowley is praying for dear god for them to go away.

"STOP TAKING MY MONEY YOU GORGEOUS FIEND" - Crowley

Train + Crewel + You = Besties

Sam was literally threatened to not joke around with you with business.

You legit did not fuck around with people when in contracts.

"Osmanthus wi-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP" - everyone

Electro Archon

Yuu is literally terrified in "your" presence.

Shogun malfunctioned due to being in an entirely new world so you had to disable Shogun's rules and create new ones regarding this world.

Yuu is still unaware of Shogun being a puppet

Crowley is no longer safe.

The staff (specifically Crewel) is supporting Shogun/You to beat Crowley's ass into shape.

Only the Diasomnia dorm knows your predicament with you and your puppet(s).

You are the definition of Queen/King/Royalty of the school. If you search up NRC, your picture literally plastered on it as the definition.

#twisted wonderland #genshin impact #twisted wonderland x genshin impact #archons #NRC

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cuinaminute229 · 3 years ago

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Like no other pt 3

Part 1 Part 2

Am I sorry? No

...

The sound of soft pattering against the window next to the bed brings you from the land of dreams, the room is splayed in the aura of lazy days full of rain. The blankets are a warm cocoon from the chill in the air.

You feel safe and content.

Soft rustling to your left makes the hazy fog of just waking up lessen but you don't want to start the day just yet.

"It's morning." You murmur out into the room before a hand grazes your bare shoulder underneath the blankets.

"Stay." A whisper that's more of a sigh rather than a word makes you smile.

You immediately want to give in to the plea, you want to stay and ignore the world for just another day.

"You know I can't." You whisper back and the hand that's on your shoulder travels further south, touch light as a feather, teasing.

"Stay," The plea is stronger now, more word than breath, "Please."

Fingers graze soft skin that protects your ribs and you fight the chill that runs up your spine. "Stay."

You let out a soft sigh before opening your eyes to see her.

Her eyes are so very blue, like the sky on a sunny afternoon, so blue and so bright and you feel like you're peering into her soul.

There is nothing hidden in the depths of her gaze, all the yearning and hoping and wanting, you see it, you see all of it.

“Maria,” Her name a plea of your own. You don't want to hurt her, you don't want to tear this moment away from her, you don't want to do that. She’s so special and so beautiful, and she’s been your friend since forever. You don't want to cause her more pain than you already have.

You close your eyes when you feel her move closer, you can't look because there is so much in her eyes and you want to cry. “Please, please.”

Thunder sounds in the distance, the sky a darker grey. The rain has picked up in speed and force, thrumming against the window. “I want you to stay,”

You can feel her breath fan over your face, you can feel her against you. You feel her warmth and the softness of her skin, and you want to stay, you want to stay so bad.

She’s slow, cautious when she leans closer, sharing the air you breathe. Giving you plenty of time to deny her, but you don't, you can't.

You let her steal your breath, you let her pull you in, you let her make your choice.

…

The sky is blue when you look up, the few clouds are scattered to win a race that declares no winner.

The sun is bright and daring, and looking down on you as the minutes tick by as you wait. Birds chirp and prance around the sidewalks as they look for anything edible, children laugh and scream in glee as they explore the park as parents watch like guardian angels.

It’s peaceful.

“Hey there stranger, long time no see.”

You’re brought from your thoughts when you hear her voice and you give the blonde a smile when you catch sight of her, walking towards you with purpose and a smile.

��It’s good to see you too Carol.” You barely have time to stand from the bench before she’s pulling you into a hug that steals the breath from you. You’ve forgotten how strong she is, how amazing her hugs are as you relax in her embrace. “You can't leave for that long again. I won't let you.”

You chuckle at her declaration. “I don't doubt it.”

Light brown eyes search your face when she pulls back, hands still on your shoulders. “How are you doing?” She asks and you give her a soft smile. “I’m doing good.”

She nods with a smile that you know all too well. “I’m glad you’re back, now come on.”

You follow her, slightly behind but close enough.

“Where exactly are we going again?” You wonder aloud as Carol slows to walk beside you. She glances up as she thinks and you wonder if she misses the stars, the need for nothing to hold her down. “Where do you want to go?” She asks after a few steps, turning to look at you and the sun makes her hair shine enough that you remember the first time you saw her glow, she was glorious and proud and showing no fear.

Carol Danvers is a sight to behold.

“Lost in the stars?” She nudges your shoulder when it takes too long to respond.

“Not the only one,” You tease her and she shakes her head with a grin. “Always.”

“How was the mission?” She rolls her shoulders back and pushes her hands in her front pockets as the two of you stop at a crosswalk.

“You know I can’t tell you.” You say as you press the arrow button three times just for good measure. Turning to her when it repeats that you have to wait.

“Well,” She shrugs her shoulders and you raise an eyebrow at her as cars breeze past, people hurrying to work or doctors appointments or to meet family, everyone seems in a hurry to get to where they need to be.

“You know the rules, captain.” You remind her as you reach out and press the arrow again because you can. “Yeah,” Carol lets out a sigh before she takes a step closer, her eyes glued on the traffic light.

“You’re okay though, right?” She sounds concerned and you choose not to look at her as the light turns green and the two of you start walking.

The seconds count down as you walk across the street, big and red as it gets closer to zero. It reminds you of a timer and you find yourself biting your tongue to stay in the moment, away from the memories that have shaped you as you are.

“I’m back,” You tell her as if she doesn't know. “I came back when I didn't want to.”

“I know.” Voice low and soft, a realization to what's already known.

…

The whispers of the morning linger as the day draws on and you’re not quite able to forget what happened.

You don’t think you’ll ever forget what happened.

The echoes that were drowned by the pouring rain, the feather light touches that seem to linger still, the view you see when you close your eyes makes you wish this morning never ended.

She was so beautiful, so willing to give you everything. So very-

“How’s Natasha?” Maybe you're trying to distract yourself from your thoughts, maybe you really do want to know how she’s doing. Maybe you still aren't running if you ask about her.

You glance over at Carol who’s picking apart her sandwich, pulling the bacon off and placing it on the side of the plate, she looks deep in thought and you don't want to repeat the question again, not if she’s lost to the stars at the moment.

“She was worried.” Her words are well thought out, slow and calculated and you know she’s trying to say the right things. “When you left, everyone was.”

She wipes her hands off with a napkin and you wonder if she will continue. “Why didn’t you tell anyone you were leaving?” She finally looks up from the food to look at you, she looks hurt and you swallow the guilt that you feel.

“I did tell someone.” You respond after a second where you wish you didn't have to face what you did. Carol nods and you choose to grab a fry and eat half of it so you don't have to say anything more.

“Yeah, you told one person.” You see her nibble at her bottom lip and yes you do feel guilty.

You clear your throat before explaining more. “I told who I needed to, that was it.”

“But you didn’t tell her.” No, you suppose you didn’t.

She picks up her sandwich, elbows on the table as she goes to take a bite and you want her to let this conversation go, let it drift past like the wind that rustles the leaves that still cling to the tree.

But she stops short, looks you in the eyes when she says her next words, and you swear for just a split second she wasn't your friend anymore.

“You hurt her.”

You look away from eyes that have seen past the universe, eyes that blaze like burning suns. You look away and pick up the napkin that’s resting next to your drink, bring it into your lap and wad the tissue up in a ball.

A part of you knows she doesn't mean to hurt you with her words, hopes that she doesn't intend to rip open old wounds and let them bleed free, prays that she doesn't mean to blame the pain you feel on you.

“She hurt me.” Your words are a weak whisper, a declaration on your behalf. She knows this, the entire team knows this.

It’s not a secret well kept.

You let out a sigh when you accidentally drop the wadded up napkin on the ground, watch it roll away like it doesn't want to share your burden.

“You hurt everyone when you chose to run away.” The judgment in her voice makes you clench your jaw. “Do you know what happened after you left?”

“Do you really think I’m oblivious to the pain I’ve caused?” You look at her and you make sure not to let her see how much it hurts. “Do you really think I did this on purpose? I left because if I didnt I don't know what I would have done if I stayed.”

Maybe you ignore the knot in your stomach that makes you want to vomit, maybe you ignore the look in her eyes when she realizes that she might have pushed you too far, but you dont ignore the people who turn your way, the ones who eavesdrop and gossip.

The two of you have brought more attention to you than you're comfortable with. “I’m leaving.”

Your half eaten sandwich and few fries that are left stay on the table as you get to your feet and walk away.

…

The smell of salt and the view of the sea does nothing to help the nausea you feel. It should be relaxing and calming and able to push your worries away but it doesn't help.

You see the waves crash and chase each other, never still for more than a moment. The gulls that ride the breeze as it drags the smell of the ocean through the air, the pelicans that are not bothered by the crashing of dominance as they only look for fish close enough to steal.

It reminds you of home, of days full of sun and sand. Treasure hunts to find the biggest and prettiest shell you could, races to see who could build the tallest sandcastles.

You wish it wasn't accompanied with the guilt in your stomach and the weight on your shoulders.

You want to run back to before you left your bed, you want to feel what you felt then. Safe, content, loved.

You want to hide under the covers and bask in the warmth of the person next to you, you want to memorize the depths of the sky.

But here you are standing alone on a pier looking out at the sea feeling sick to your stomach and terrified of what you have to face.

You feel like such a terrible person.

For running, for feeling so many things you think you might break, for wanting to hang the towel up and say that you’re done, for begging for an excuse to not look her in the eyes.

You wish that you never bought that ring, you wish you never even considered the idea. To want to marry her, to want to share her name, to want for things you knew were out of reach.

With a breath that brings you almost to tears, you try to ignore the way your feelings seem to bleed out for all to see.

You love her, you still love her. You don't think you'll ever stop loving her. But Natasha chose what happened, she decided that you weren't enough, that she wasn't enough.

“I’m sorry.” You watch as a boat moves through the sea at a crawl, slowly growing smaller as it bravely sets out for some adventure you hope is fulfilling.

“I don't want your pity, I don't want your regret.” You say the words you hope she will listen to as you lean back and gaze at the sky, hands still holding the wooden railing.

You let out a breath that is stolen by the breeze as you force yourself to leave a fraction of your pain where you stand.

The view above you is still so blue and bright, not a cloud in sight and you remember this morning with a sad smile.

You've always loved how Maria's eyes share the color of the sky.

“I just want you to be my friend.” You turn to the blonde when you speak those words.

“Okay.” She nods and you give her a smile before letting go of the railing and walking back to the beach. She doesn't say anything more as she comes to walk beside you and even though you know there is something on her mind you choose to take what she’s given you.

…

Steve greets you with a cautious smile when you finally give in and follow Carol to the compound and even though you still haven't completely forgiven him you smile back.

“How are you?” He asks after Carol excuses herself and you shrug off his comment with a shrug.

“How are you? You look good.” You notice his hair is a little longer and he hasn’t shaved in a few days but he looks well rested and not so brought down by the weight of so many responsibilities that come with being such a hero. “Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” He nods and you watch as hair falls in his face.

“You need a haircut buddy.” You tease him and Steve glares at you playfully before he runs his hand through his hair and that does absolutely nothing to fix it.

“I kind of like it.” He admits with a shrug and you nod, it does look good on him.

“You just get back?” He asks and you smile through the lie. “Yeah, just got back.”

You follow him into the kitchen where you hear the familiar sound of the coffee maker, taking a seat on one of the empty stools that stand at the kitchen island as he goes to grab a cup from one of the cabinets.

“Why are you having coffee now?” You ask in curiosity and Steve does a terrible job at hiding his amusement as he places his cup next to the coffee maker and waits.

“It’s not for me,” He gives no more explanation than that and you only wonder who it’s for, the coffee mug he chose doesn't look familiar.

“Cool, cool.” You nod before silence pushes its way between the two of you, and you can't help the selfishness you feel for blaming him for what happened back then, for not hearing him through when he tried to explain before you left.

You felt so many things back then, so much and so deeply and you don't even know how you didn’t end up do something stupid or reckless.

A part of you had wanted to follow her when she walked out, wanted to understand why she thought you weren't enough for her.

Maybe it was your pride, maybe it was your bleeding heart that rooted you down making it impossible to move, or maybe it was the fear of everything blowing up even more than it already had but you let her walk away.

“I don’t want what you want.”

The words ring in your mind like church bells, loud and all consuming, echoing but never leaving you in silence.

“I’m sorry.” The soft spoken apology brings you back from thoughts of the past and you blink away the tears that carry your pain.

“It's…” You trail off.

Not okay.

You wish you could forgive him, you wish you didn't blame him even just a little but you do and you don't know when you can fully forgive him for something that wasn’t solely his fault. “You were only doing what I asked you to, it’s not… your fault.” He nods at your words before turning and busying his hands with pouring the coffee into the mug.

He told you once, before you got the courage to ask Natasha out, that he thought the two of you would be good for each other. That you should face the uncertainty of her feelings toward you with confidence, you would never know if you didn't ask, right?

“You’re still my friend Steve. That hasn’t changed.”

You call out as he’s about to turn the corner to leave the kitchen, you need him to know that. That no matter what, he’s still your friend.

He gives you a nod that lets you know you haven't lost him and you breathe a little easier.

...

“Hey,” You don't turn around to see her, you don't look up from the glass of brandy in your hands, you don't think you can.

“It’s… good to see you.”

“Yep.” You mutter as you finish your drink and place it down on the counter. “So good,” The sarcasm is clear in your voice and you ignore the urge to look up when you feel that she’s moving closer.

You don't want to look up, you don’t want to see her a year older than before. You don't want to feel your chest cave in when you see her, when the breath is stolen from you and held hostage.

You missed her, god you missed her so much and now she’s right here and you can’t even look at her.

“I’m sorry.” Maybe it’s the drinks you’ve had or maybe it's the emotions that keep piling up that pull the words from you, but all you know is that they ring true.

You’re apologizing to her and a part of you wants to snatch it back before it takes flight, before there is no way you can get it back.

But you are sorry, for being weak, for falling head over heels for her, for loving her so much that she had to turn away to breathe.

“I’m sorry.”

...

#natasha romanoff x reader #the avengers #maria hill x reader #wlw marvel #black widow #carol danvers #natasha romanoff #steve rogers #agent hill #maria hill

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luckyqueenreign · 2 years ago

Note

You know the whole "5 months" didnt bother me. Yes its possible to be messing with someone that long, Suresh admitted that he has been seeing other women, so im not sure he was anywhere as loyal as he been to MC or even that serious, he doesnt even call her girlfriend just a fling in front of Gabi, she knows she didnt mean as much as she cared for him . Also i been thinking about this theory im seeing about him and gabi potential having a moment & it just doesn't make any sense. Suresh literally ghosted her??? And went after his EX. Another thing that also bother me is no mention of their previous convo??? He hasn't pulled MC out for a chat. So possibilities of why

1. They were sent incriminating photos of MC with one of the boys from casa amor .

2. He doesn't want hurt Lulu. Since he used her for a game plan or shes in it ( thats if what Eddie said is even true 🙄)

3. He wanted to pull MC, but now we see this challenge of the less compatible couple goes home and he is riding this hard not to be dumped. Also this is a way of protecting MC because everyone is literally hating on MC and will do anything to Vote her off, so giving her a fair chance to know casa boy is the only chance she has of not being vote off.

I KNOW IM LOOKING LIKE A FOOL, but i just dont understand how he can go from full on to nothing??

thank you on the 5 months reassurance I feel the exact same as you on that one!!

so I was thinking about this and what were the things the game FORCED us to do...the turtle, but you could pick sexy or flirty. So the picture couldn't have been that incriminating unless they angled it in a way that maybe looked like MC was going in for a kiss. because I did a super loyal route at casa...I didnt even sleep with the boys in the same bed, no kisses, nothing, because I knew I didnt want to give them any evidence to use.

Here's the one thing about Eddie...I've hated him since he tried to tell on me for kissing Suresh in the bed. But Eddie hasn't lied. He sees what he sees and he reports back. And in this instance he was TOLD this, as he said "straight from the horse's mouth" so I believe Eddie was telling the truth.

I AM CHOOSING TO BELIEVE THIS THEORY...AND IF THERE ARE ANY SURESH GIRLS STILL OUT THERE LOOK AT THIS THEORY BC THIS IS WHAT WE BELIEVE NOW.

You are not a fool, you are a precious angel that has fallen into the hold of this poorly written pixel man 😭🤣🤗🥰

#luckyqueenreignask

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heyitsyn · 4 years ago

Text

MANAGER!SEIJOH AU

a/n: this is kind of an au like what if you were

for more seijoh content, check this masterlist out!

anon:

- 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 i would like to request a seijoh!manager reader who’s a first year and is siblings with ushi and the team’s reaction to finding out that she was supposed to go to shiratorizawa with ushi and their reaction with her getting along with the shiratorizawa volleyball team and maybe the manager is a small cute soft little energetic ball of sunshine 🥺🥺 also hewwo, hope youre doing well! ☺️ -🎷🐛

- Ir seijoh manager series is so gooood. Can we get something where by some weird reason yn-chan is close to ushijima and tendou and the seijoh boys dont know about it and how they'd react to her being so affectionate w them ahahwindkdn

EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LOOK AT HOW FREAKING PRETTY TENDOU IS LIKE AKLFDJLASKFJDLSKFJDSFLKD

okayokayokay

so this is a what if thing

like what if ushijima was your older brother

SLKFDJADFLIJSDKLDF I CAN ALREADY IMAGINE OIKAWA SCREAMING

you didnt exactly have the best relationship with your mom

you remember when you were younger that she used to yell at your brother for using his left hand and you got angry a lot because you were fiercely protective of your brother

this caused her to yell at you too for being nosy and being involved in something you shouldnt be in

duh we know that ushi’s dad takashi actually supported him for this and protected him too and you were also a papa’s girl so you always ran to him

he understood you both better and while your mother worked, he was at home taking care of you two

then when they mentioned wanting to separate, you were very sad but somewhat relieved

mostly because you hated hearing your parents arguing and you felt bad for your brother as he constantly did whatever to get you out of the house

thats what brought on your love for volleyball

you werent exactly the best player but you were interested in it and often watched matches with him

but you also liked volleyball because your brother liked it

you liked whatever your brother liked

he adored you too and he was a boy who didnt talk much due to your mother but he was always a talker with you

especially when you couldnt sleep, he would sneak you out of your room and you both would run to the kitchen and eat ice cream

even with just a 2 year age difference, he looked as if he was older than you due to his massive height

‘just wait nii-chan! i will drink enough milk to reach your height!’

*insert lenny face*

AKLDJFSLDKFJDF I HATE MYSELF

CAN I PLEASE DIE

however

when they divorced, you thought your father would take both you and ushi

like the lady at the court even asked you where you wanted to go and not a breath of hesitation you chose your father

you weren’t very concerned because you knew your brother was going to choose your dad as you both were closer to him

so imagine your surprise when he said he didnt care and naturally, the mother would get the child

lowkey you felt hella betrayed and when your dad whisked you away overseas, there was this grudge you held against toshi

yall youre like 5

i would be hella mad too if my brother chose the person who yells at him all the time

in california, your father made sure you still remembered your brother and you tried to detach from the japanese lifestyle to your new one but you just couldnt

maybe around 6 years you were already fed up with the hot california heat and you wanted to go back to japan to see toshi again

you got over that grudge years ago but your mother refused to have any contact or anything to do with your father and so that included you too

she refused to let you both video chat and any type of connection

your dad obviously noticed your sad expressions and your obvious longing to go back to your brother again and so he arranged something

you shut the door gently before taking off your shoes by the doorway

the large house was often quiet except for the constant typing of a keyboard in your father’s study

‘tadaima’

you meekly mumbled but his sense of hearing never wavered so he heard your voice

‘oh? y/n?’

his voice echoed through the hallways and you heard his chair squeak as it was moved back so he could stand

your sock-cladded feet padded against the hard wood floor and you walked towards his study where indeed he was standing there

your father has definitely aged yet his job as a coach made him as fit as he was decades ago

as much as it disgusted you, you could tell what your friends meant when they said your dad was good-looking

they actually said your dad was hot but you refuse to acknowledge that

you and your friends are like 12 tf

you closed the door and sat down on the loveseat at the corner of the room as it was your designated spot

‘hey, papa’

you greeted with a smile and he gave you the same grin

‘i ordered f/f (favorite food) for dinner tonight so try and listen for the bell to ring, okay?’

you nodded

there was bit of small talk and you asked about his team while he asked about school and you both arranged to hang out over the weekend at some ice cream shop

the conversation dragged on until you heard the doorbell and you ran to the door to answer the delivery man

your dad put out the plates on the table and you excitedly dug in

‘also, you remember your grandmother? and her terrible back?’

oh god of course you did

they lived about 30 minutes away from your house in japan and she constantly worried your father bc the woman was approaching 90 and was still picking peppers!

with old coach ukai

‘what did she do now?’

your father chuckled at the exasperation in your voice

‘she misses you. says something about the family’s princess needing to go back to her country or something’

there was a smile in your face

your grandmother was your favorite and she always said you were the princess

she hated your mother because of how insensitive she was so she only acknowledged you as the only other female in the family

obviously your brother was also liked but there was just a special bond between you and your grandmother

‘so when are we going back?’

you asked and it was clear that you were excited at the thought of going back to japan as you havent been back since you moved due to your father’s busy job and your school

takashi swallowed his food before revealing the news

‘actually, if you want, you could finish your schooling there. but only until college first though because your old man needs you over here too’

nah bro you didnt even care about the last part

literally your fork fell to the table and you shrieked

‘WHAT?! SERIOUSLY?!’

and thus brought you back to japan

you stayed with your grandmother on your dad’s side and you quickly got accustomed back to japan life

your BROTHER!

okay

so waka-chan def heard you coming back

your mother was grumbling about it the other day and he was sure he heard your name in there

‘sdkfjkdslfjdkslfj y/n dkfjlsdkfjldkf’

LMAO THATS ME TRYING TO SAY THAT WAKA COULDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE SAID SINCE SHE WAS MUMBLING SHE WASNT KEYBOARD SMASHING LMAO

there was a mutual giddiness in there too and he was excited to see you again after many years without contact

however

there was a bit of fear in there that thought back to when you were younger and his choice of not really having a specific parent despite your pleads to stay together with him

but he was going to make sure your bond was still intact!

he would do anything in his power to do so!

when you arrived

your dad accompanied you back to japan and you both were walking out to the exit of the airport when you saw your grandmother excitedly waving a sign around

in bold sparkly letters, it said ‘USHIJIMA’

okay wait i love grandma usui

you quickly ran over to her and she grasped you into her arms

‘nana’

you sobbed and she hugged you tightly

‘im so happy youre back home’

your father shook hands with the friend she brought to help drive you guys back home

old man ukai was basically the chauffeur but hes really good friends with your nana so it was okay

the entire ride you guys basically caught up with each other and you couldnt help but laugh whenever your dad would go on a rant about your grandma being too reckless and your nana defending herself

‘oh stop it, takashi. i was only given one life and if it’s over, it’s over. for now, ill live it how i see fit!’

your old family home was exactly as you remember it but you didnt expect the 6′2 boy in the living room

‘nii-chan’

you meekly whispered and he let out a soft smile before opening his big arms

you ran into them and he held you tightly

‘i missed you. so much’

he whispered and you nodded

it was def such a nice thing to have your brother again

oooo your dad been knew that you would be sticking to waka like you did when you were itty bitty young

so when you practically begged waka to stay at your nana’s house the entire summer, he couldnt refuse you

duh your mom went to see you but you just quietly sat there and smiled at her

polite but distant

due to being around waka so much, you naturally went to his volleyball practices and their training camp

there

you met his friends and you guys quickly got acquainted especially with tendo bc he was just so fun

and he was your brother’s boyfriend best friend

the others were still kinda distant with you ahem ahem im looking at you shirabu

but they were mostly amazed at how powerful the genetics played in your appearances because wowza you were beautiful

lmao dont let waka hear them say that bc they would be benched all season in a single snap

during training camp, you usually sat at the sides or you would be their stand-in manager

goshiki absolutely LOVES you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOSHIKI MY SON MY BABY

him and you were the same age so there was an easier way of being friends and your energies just matched so well

he would run up to you whenever he got a play right and you would ruffle his hair affectionately

LADKSJFLDSKFS FLASHBACK TO TENDO!SISTER X GOSHIKI

‘y/n-chan!’

hell even ushi was getting annoyed at goshiki’s constant need for you

tendo would steal you away and he would be giggling to you about how adorable you were and you just giggled along bc wow this beautiful man is really talking to me right now

ALKSDJFLKSF CAN YOU TELL IM ALSO A TENDOODOO SIMP?

‘cmere, y/n-chan. i taught toshi this the other day and he was very impressed and wanted me to do it again. okay so it goes in a rhyme, ya ready?’

you nodded along and he shot you a close-eyed smile before starting to draw on the dirt with a stick

‘there once was a man with-’

lets just say

you were definitely your brother’s sister

sometimes though

you would try and go towards the calmer players to get away from the rowdiness from baby daddy tendo and baby goshiki

you would find them at the gym just doing drills and at the sight of you, they would turn red but continue playing

they didnt really mind seeing you there bc youve always been such a positive energy and cheered them on which gave them strength

‘NICE ONE OHIRA-SAN!’

‘WAHHH SO COOL YAMAYAMA-SAN!’

you were like a cute ball of serotonin >o<

‘wah, of course its expected for you guys to be the top in the prefecture. youre like,,,,, silent but deadly~!’

duh a compliment from a girl?

dead

shirabu’s bangs would get in the way of his vision sometimes yall i will never stop making fun of that ridiculously adorable haircut so you would use a clip and tuck it away for him

this big babie is so awkward that he turns red when you whisper in his ear that you were done

semisemi baby and you got along bc you guys had a similar taste in music and because you lived in california, he was fascinated that you were in the music capital of america

‘did you see celebrities down the street?’

he asked you excitedly one day during lunch

you stopped then smiled softly

‘semisemi-kun, i didnt live at that part of california’

nah to him, america is just filled with celebrities

OH DEAR BABY BOY KAWANISHI

taichi is a generally quiet guy

like you thought he was actually selectively mute when you first met him

but you gradually got him to talk and you would help him whenever he would want to practice

usually it was during the ungodly hours of the morning

you woke up and went to grab a drink from the common room but you noticed his large build exiting the door so you followed him into the gym

‘kawanishi-san?’

you called out and felt guilty when he jumped

‘oh, hey’

he aknowledged

‘wha-’

you stopped to yawn causing your eyes to close making you miss the brief second of softness that flashed in his eyes

‘what are you doing?’

you tiredly asked

taichi dusted off his trackpants after kneeling down to rummage through his bag and you couldnt help but gawk at his height

‘im training early’

he answered

‘why? is it because you want to keep up with the others?’

you mumbled and he was surprised for a second but reverted back to his stoic expression

‘i have to make sure i am able to reach my seniors level for next year’

taichi turned away to grab a stray ball and you moved to go to the storage room for the ball cart

‘oi, what are you doing? go back to bed’

he said from the other side of the gym but you just looked back at him with a tired grin

‘meh, i want to spend time with you, senpai’

you reasoned

he shook his head before walking over to you then ruffled your hair

‘no wonder youre so tiny. you dont sleep enough and let your body grow’

yep that was the closest youve gotten to taichi joking with you

usually, hes training and when hes in the zone, nothing else has his attention but the ball

maybe thats why the others ahem goshiki has said that he was very scary

his game face was practically a mean face

basically you spent the entire training camp with them and then soon, you were going back to school

duh everyone hmm maybe not shirabu bc he most definitely read the school book of rules thought you would be going to shiratorizawa with them

but you broke the news to them one afternoon and imagine the tears from both tendo and goshiki

‘WHHYYYY!!!!’

‘NOOO!!!!!’

‘why can’t you?’

semi asked and you were about to answer when shirabu beat you to it

‘the school doesnt allow late transfers’

oh right

the american school system was set in a different schedule than a japanese school system

it was considered the summer for them yet school already started a few months ago

since shiratorizawa was a very academically and physically prestigious school, they refused anyone who would potentially be late or behind their curriculum

‘so where ya headed to then, chibi?’

tendou pouted and you leaned against his arm

‘hmm some school named aoba johsai? i dont know its near my grannie’s so that’s all that mattered’

oh dear

USHIJIMA NO Y/N WILL NOT ASK TOORU TO GO TO SHIRATORIZAWA

they consider seijoh a rival bc theyve played against them practically in every prefecture tournament and they were worried for that infamous setter

‘ne, y/n-chan, promise us that you won’t be swept away by them! especially a guy named oikawa tooru!’

uhhh

well

tendou’s warning was kinda ignored bc you ended up being seijoh’s manager

hehe

surprise?

but they weren’t really really shocked tho bc they knew you liked volleyball so you would naturally be in the volleyball team

even as a manager

meanwhile in seijohhh

OooOOOoOoOooooo sEiJOOhHHHH~~~~~~

okay so you were actually registered under your father’s last name usui rather than the ushijima last name

therefore you werent exactly immediately known as HEY! USHIJIMA’S SISTER!

you still became the manager the way you did as mentioned in part 1

and you still are their adorable baby manager

you were aware of their oikawa’s hatred for wakawaka so you try not to talk about him even though youre literally the closest person to him

was it traitorous?

maybe

but you actually even help them when they practice

duh the boys are like eyebrow raise emoji

‘wow youre really into volleyball, huh, manager-chan?’

matsukawa commented and you just smiled

‘hmm, my family likes it so ive picked up a thing or two’

LMAO

little do they know your brother is literally the best volleyball player around and is a member of the under 19 team and your father is a volleyball coach in america and would someday be someone iwaizumi hajime (19) would apprentice under

there was a lot of times you thought you would slip up like your home screen was of you and waka but youve been careful to cover it up

BUT

you cant always be sneaky

it was during the first day of the tournament and you were filling up their water bottles I SWEAR WHY IS MANAGER-CHAN ALWAYS FILLING UP WATER BOTTLES when you found a familiar bunch of boys at the end of the hallway just chatting

you havent seen tendou and the boys in so long so you placed the bottles down and rushed over there so quickly

‘TOMUTOMU!’

you shouted and the oddly-haired boy turned and he gasped before grabbing you into a large hug

this grabbed tendou’s attention and he cheered then hugged you too

your giggles and happy cheers were so infectous and they just absolutely missed you so much

these tall boys were at a advantage so someone scooped you up and you were just affectionately being talked to and hugged and LKDSJFSLDFJ SO LUCKY SO LOVED

meanwhile

the plant babies were wondering where the heck you went to

‘y/n-chan?! where is she?!’

oikawa panicked quickly while iwaizumi hit him to shut up

‘be quiet! you won’t find her if you’re too busy freaking out!’

‘ill find her’

matsukawa volunteered and they nodded, feeling at ease of him being capable to find you if you were in trouble

but when he returned empty-handed and with large eyes, they knew something was up

they ran behind mattsun to stop and copy his shocked expression at the sight in front of them

is that

you?

with

shi

oh my god

‘y/n-chan!’

oikawa shouted, being the first to speak

you jumped and your own eyes widened

‘oh. oh no’

you mumbled

the others were so stunned and seijoh itself was so hard to make speechless but they were just shocked

period

‘what is happening’

iwaizumi mumbled

yea the others were just shocked period

‘hey guys’

you waved and you motioned them closer

‘uhh,,, well,,, um they are my friends’

you smiled uneasily and they could see that

‘aaand?’

oikawa signalled you to say everything bc he knew it wasnt the whole story

you sighed

‘ushi,,, jima is my brother’

you mumbled the last part

but they heard you

‘HAH?!’

you cringed and the shira boys were about to move to protect you but they saw you glare at them

‘what? what about it? hes my brother? and?’

you babbled

‘but,, why are you,, in seijoh? dont get me wrong! its just,, youd naturally go to shiratorizawa right?’

mattsun waved his hands around and asked the question thats bugging the team

‘i came to the country late’

‘THE COUNTRY?!’

well,,

turns out you havent exactly told them everything about you yet :/

even when youve cleared the air and introduced waka as your brother, seijoh still didnt say anything

they were stuck in this shocked and surprised moment even at the end of the day and when you went straight to the shiratorizawa team,

they watched with wide eyes as you laughed with goshiki and was jumping around with tendou

‘AH! TOMU! MY HAIR!’

‘TORI-SAN! SATORI-SAN! TAKE THAT!’

wow you were actually really beautiful when youre happy

‘i dont think ive seen her this happy with this much energy’

makki said and they nodded

it was true

you were usually calm and collected and was the perfect balance to this chaotic team

so seeing you so free and loose with them was so refreshing, even if it was with damn ushiwaka

you finally went back to the seijoh boys and they all sent glares to the violet team before sending you a smile

‘you ready to go, manager-chan?’

watari ruffled your hair before handing you your bag to start walking to the bus

‘yea. lets go home’

as you all walked, oikawa was already starting his tantrum

‘y/n-chan~! why aren’t you that happy around us? are we not enough for you?’

oikawa whined and pouted

but you just turned to smiled at him and stopped walking to pat his head

‘im not their manager, therefore im not pressured to act like anyone except as a friend and a spectator. but i try to be as professional as i can with you guys to make sure you dont appear bad to others. and you guys are perfectly chaotic enough, adding me into the mix will just about kill coach’

oikawa didnt seem satisfied though

‘but! thats not fair! they get to see you smile and i dont!’

iwaizumi growled at him to be quiet but you beat him to it

well

you smiled at tooru but your eyes shone maliciously

‘i knew you would act like this, oikawa-san. as punishment, i gave nii-chan your phone number. good luck avoiding him now’

oikawa screamed

a/n: AAWWWWW LETS NOT KILL COACH IRIHATA OKAY? HES LIKE OUR GRANPAPA AND PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE OIKAWA ALONE WAKAWAKA-KUN!

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chelleztjs18 · 2 years ago

Note

Hello you mrs. dramatic butt older head sneezy lefty eyebag 😅

Sheeeeeeesh I feel attacked now too! Is this because I said you a meany head for not spoiling things 🤣

I woke up with a runny nose. I think I'm getting another cold but I hope not. So today I'm just taking it easy and gonna watch some shows I need to catch up on.

How about you? How is your day so far?

Does that mean that next year, you guys will get a plastic tree instead??

Hahahaha when you said you look shiny, I imagined the Mr. Clean commercial where his bald head sparkles. 🤣🤣

You're corny 🙄🤣 just kidding. Speaking of pasta, maybe that's what happened to Yelena.. she was so upsetti for not finding Natasha, so she had spaghetti. Then.. it grew into an addiction and she pasta way...🤔

Okay okay, songs that remind me of summer.. like I said, thinking of summer, it brings me back to working or bbqing.. oh even camping. So let's see..and since I can't add them as a link, I'll just list them:

1. We Can't Stop by Miley Cyrus

2. 23 by Miley Cyrus

3. Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus

That's a lame list ahahaha but it's because when I used to work at Wendy's, I had this coworker who would always come in and sing Miley Cyrus songs. So when were just cleaning in the back, we would play the songs and sing along to it 😅

I don't think we really talked about genre of music before. But I'm the same way.. although I can tolerate those screaming rock metal genres.

Hahaha oh boy, so you don't know how to flirt and are oblivious to people flirting with you? So that applies to online too? Or just in person?

But I shouldn't make fun, apparently I am the same way. Well, I don't know when people are flirting with me until it's too late. I'm usually shy at first, so I don't flirt much. But once I am comfortable around someone I like, I flirt with them.

Okay, so let's say 3 songs from when you were a teenager.

Then next question is 3 songs that you would play on repeat when you are sad/angry.

-CuriousGeorge

Hello hello righty eyebag!

Wait, u call me older head? Am i older than u? I remember u r in ur 30s too but who is older? U or me? I'm 35. U dont have to say the number ,u can just says who is older.🤭😆

Haha well, i can be meany head or sweet n nice head. U choose 😅🤣

U wanna know some spoilers of The Monsters Within? Okay.

JUST KIDDING!got u!! No spoilers policy..😅🤣🤣

Oh no! I hope u r not catching a cold. It will be suck if u got sick on christmas while u r working.

No, i dont think we will have plastic tree. This is actually thr first time i hv allergies on the pine tree. I googled it may takes sometimes for allergies to christmas tree to develop. So we'll see next year how it is. Also i forgot to answer ur question. Yes, my husband n i lived together first for like 2 years. 😊

My day is okay. Busy. Been cleaning the house so we will come home to a clean house.

Omg, im not bald. How dare u! 🤣🤣 i meant my hair is thin but im not bald.lol.

Oh dear lord, u n ur puns. 🤣🤣 pasta-way, thats corny pun.🤣 i literally had to put down my phone n hold my forehead n shake my head after i read that pharagraph about yelena.😅

Oh okay.no wonder ur 3 songs of summer are all miley cyrus. 😅 i was like dang girl r u a fan of her or something? 😅

Yeahi dont know how to flirt. Im an awkward shy person. N i didnt know if i flirt. Few days ago, H kinda comment that i kinda flirt on the asks after she read my asks conversation. I was like "really? Did i? I didnt know" 😅 so i guess my obliviousness applies on online too. Lol.

Ah i see, yeah im like u too. I may not talk much but if i got comfortable or the other person talk enough n fun, i can talk a lot more or even wont shut up. N flirt with out realizing it, obviously.🤣

Hmm songs that reminds my teenager era probably all songs from backstreet boys, nsync, britney spears. 😅

Songs that i wil repeat when im angry is this whole album:

Songs that i repeat whn im sad, i cant pick it. I will just randomly search sad playlist on spotify. 😅 or sometimes listen to classical opera songs.

What about u?

Also have u ever think that some songs r sexy / hv a sexy vibe?

Next questions?

Cheerio!

#chellez answers #ask answered #anon answered #curious george anon

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pynkhues · 3 years ago

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Hi!! i really wanted to know your thoughts on the culmination of romans arc!! i definitely didnt expect him to stick with his siblings even w logan staring him down and promising a place for him in the company after selling. Even though logans never gonna choose his children over himself, i think him trying to get roman back on his side, demonstrated that ultimately he favored roman and it was never gonna be kendall or shiv. Or it could just have been that logan thought roman was easier to crack lol. I really liked the romangerri bit at the end with gerri essentially siding w logan bc it was best for her and the company, w no loyalty to roman (as she should) and his reaction was very interesting. Also what did you think abt the conversation between logan and roman on the way to the reunion w matsenn, could that have alluded to at the very least non straight roman? I also feel like that conversation and shivs comments leaned very heavily on his mommy issues and could also explain his mountain of sexual issues and his fixation and relationship w gerri. i’ve been dying to know what u thought!!

Hi! Thank you, anon, and oof, I loved Roman's arc across the season and especially I loved how different it was from Kendall and Shiv's fall from grace in s1 and s2 respectively.

I think the show does an incredible job generally about the different ways the Roy siblings have internalised and externalised their father's abuse, while still allowing for certain similarities. In so many ways, s3 re-emphasised that with Kendall and Shiv being a sort of dark mirror to each other, and I think it had this wonderful effect narratively of while the two of them were so fixed on reflecting each other, Roman and Connor both got to grow and contort and really develop and regress in their siblings' blindspots.

By that, I mean there was this sort of space opened up by Kendall being ousted and Shiv being on the backstep and both of them still only viewing each other as competition. That newly opened space gave Roman and Connor the room and the opportunity to step up. I think s4's likely to really drum that home with Connor, but for s3, I think we saw what Roman's capable of (for better and for worse) when he's given both guidance and room out of his siblings' shadow, something he hasn't had since - - well. Maybe ever (or at least since Kendall was in rehab).

I was so nervous going into that last scene in the finale, because I was the same as you! I thought there was a risk thatt he'd betray them (especially with him and Kerry being colour-matched!), but I actually think it makes a lot of sense that he wouldn't. Jesse talked a bit in the Controlling the Narrative segment that it was feeling the weight of support from his siblings that let Roman stand his ground, which I think you can really feel in the scene, but I also think there's this interesting layer to it too where the show's really established two things about Roman. The first is that Roman has really good intuition in a way that none of his other siblings do, and the second is that Roman learns in a way that none of his other siblings do.

Roman's greatest strength is his ability to - - mmm, not shapeshift exactly, because I don't think that's what Roman does, but read people enough to know how to accomodate them and play to their personalities and their interests. He does it with Lawrence as far back as 1.06, and it's a skill we've seen develop across season 2 and season 3, but, importantly, one he really grew confidence in over the back half of s3. He's learnt to trust his instincts because he's increasingly realised his instincts are right.

Add that to the fact that Roman takes away lessons when things blow up in his face (which hilariously neither Kendall nor Shiv do), and I think that final scene felt so authentic to who Roman is. He had both gut instinct telling him not to trust his father, and the benefit of hindsight. He's seen exactly how Logan's gone back on his promises to Kendall and Shiv, he's seen that Logan's word only holds it's meaning in the minute he says it. That it doesn't hold under it's own weight, and when faced with Logan's dishonesty, Roman had instead this immediate and brutally naked honesty between him, Kendall and Shiv to fall back on, and right then? There? That mattered a lot.

And as for Logan and Roman's conversation on the boat heading to Matsson – yeah! I actually kind of love how ambiguous the show is being about it, haha, and I think Shiv hit the nail on the head in the car where she said Logan thinks there's something wrong with Roman. I don't know if Logan even necessarily actually thinks he's gay, especially given what just happened with Gerri – in fact, I think there's probably an argument to be made that Logan's latched onto homophobic insults because at least being gay is something he understands over not being able to have sex. If Roman's fucking men, at least he's fucking, and there are ways around it. Not being able to have sex at all, especially to a guy like Logan, I think signals to him that Roman's effectively broken, something put into even starker relief when compared to his other children who have all got very active sex lives (albeit all of them with uhhhhh dysfunction / baggage / manic obsessive issues attached to said sex lives, haha).

As for Roman himself, I do think he's not straight, but I think it's really open to interpretation at this point what that means and I don't expect the show to ever clarify. I do think a lot of his issues stem though from a mix of insecurity and inadequacy complexes, anxiety and being desensitised to sex acts (and as a result attracted to more extreme things) as a side effect of being terminally online. What do you guys think?

#it's such a huge topic to talk about!#i was a bit nervous about his arc in the first half of the season because it seemed to be chasing it's own tail a bit #but i think it ticked up in 3.05 and kept growing through the finale which is great #i can't wait to see what happens in s4 now that he's been brought crashing back down #roman roy #logan + roman #logan roy #succession 3.09 #hbo succession #succession meta #welcome to my ama

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my-monologues-to-my-brain · 3 years ago

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I know that we as a collective seem to be done arguing about disney princesses, but i can't stop thinking about something one of my friends said to me. We were talking about childhood favorites and stuff and he was actually very surprised that Cinderella was my favorite princess while growing up.

"Why do you think that's weird?"

"Idk, you've never been very cinderella. More of a punch-my-every-problem kind of person?"

"Ok, fair. You can't punch every problem, though"

"She still could have done something, you know. I guess i don't really imagine you just taking all that"

I can't stop thinking about it, all of it. For one, i started thinking about Cinderella as a story. I liked it when i was younger and i still like it now. And i know that saying that Cinderella just waited around to be rescued is, more than anything else, the way that this story has been oversimplified over time to justify hating it. The story has a point, even if people decide to ignore it cause they would prefer a different story.

But it also got me thinking about myself. My friend is right about his general description of me: i do tend to choose to punch my problems away whenever that's an option, and i have been that way for as long as i can remember. A good part of me growing up has been about learning to recognize when i'm right to be up in arms and when that's actually neither a good nor an effective way of solving my problems. Thinking about it, he was right when he said i'm quite different to Cinderella. Maybe it actually didn't make much sense.

Yet it does. It had to, i conected to Cinderella because of something. I could safely rule out our personalities, ok, but what about the rest?

I realized i don't remember ever getting frustrated with her, i that had a habit of getting frustrated with characters. I was always so irritated with Aladdin for lying about things he was so obviously gonna get caught for, and Tarzan for being naive while taking decisions, to name a few examples; i loved those movies, and Tarzan was my overall favorite disney movie, but i still felt a distance with the characters cause that's what happens when i feel enough of a disconect with them as to end up frustrated with them. And Cinderella? Well, Cinderella didn't fight her way out of that house and that seemed to be the main reason why she got called passive, but that didnt frustrate me. Why?

1. Because, i realized, i didnt see her as passive. Her not walking out didnt irritate me cause i could see that wasnt the solution. Now as an adult i also know that in abusive situations it often isnt an option to just leave, be it because of money, lack of a support system, or a place to go. Now as an adult i also know that in abusive situations the biggest obstacle might be less about the means to get away and more about the psicological damage being endured. But even then, not even 10 years old, i still knew that wasnt a true way out. It didnt give her a chance at a happier life, not really. Even i, a child, knew why she didnt leave her home, the house she had lived her entire life in, and the only family she had left. Makes me wonder about the people arguing that Cinderella should have "done something", really.

Ok, so i didn't see the main "difference" between us as her being passive or dumb. Her problems werent so much problems she could punch, even if i would've been way more up for punching the step sisters (bad idea and all, i never said my temper never got the better of me through the years). I now know why i didn't clash with who Cinderella was made to be. But what made me feel a conection?

2. I won't act like the happy ending wasn't a part of it. Is a great thing to believe, isn't it? That you could hit rock bottom and still have a good thing coming your way. And with that:

3. Kindness is rewarding. You can be kind for kindness sake, help whenever you can help, love just because it feels good to have friends. And in the end your reward might be the good feeling that comes with being kind but also the way in which those friends will want to help you when you need them. I liked the way that Cinderella was isolated from everything that existed beyond their house, but she wasn't alone. No one is ever alone, and we survive because of it.

4. And then, well i guess you can aim to one same thing for different reasons. Cinderella remains herself and remains kind despite the abuse, and there's bavery and beauty in that. If i had to guess based on her character, i'd say that it mattered to her because the hate of others will never be stronger than her will to love, and they wanted to take that away but simply couldn't. For me that's a satisfying ending cause i'm petty, and seeing shitty people shoot themselves in the foot trying to break the hero and failing to do so, having to watch them unbroken and happy, it's goddamn beautiful.

I stand by what i told my friend. Cinderella is a good story, and i really really like it. I suspect that those who have really strong opinions against it should try and watch it again, and that maybe they should coment it with someone with even a slightly different perspective. We could all benefit from doing that from time to time.

#cinderella #feminism #disney princess

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creacherkeeper · 3 years ago

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im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #aelwyn abernant #WHO LET ME WRITE ALL THIS #does this even. fucking. make sense. who knows.#THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT

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sunatooru · 4 years ago

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Hii, im sorry for bringing down the mood but can i rq an emergency ask? My mom always guilt tripping everyone who go against her. If anyone feels sad and cried about it, she'll either angry, spewing about 'kids were born to please and make parents happy' at us or pulling "it's because i love you and i care for you." Card then playing victim. Obviously it's wont always work, so when those 2 options didnt work. she'll give silent treatment for who knows how long.

What if ushijima found his s/o crying in the last week before holidays where all student went home to their own house (shiratorizawa seems like a boarding school based on season 4) because she didnt want to go home and deal with her mother. So he take her away and comfort her? at this point i dont even mad if he kidnap me lol

I'm sorry if this is too detailed

Hii, please no mood was brought down (imo). I detest parents like that, like am I the child or you??? Anyways, thank you for requesting and I hope this helps in some way. Sending you hugs xx

Did I perhaps self project? Maybe

Warnings: gaslighting mother, breakdown crying and feeling distraught

Ushijima

He hadn’t sent you off for the holidays and weren’t sure why. Had you left already? Did you not want to see him before leaving? Were you in a rush? All those questions troubled his mind, so he decided to check your dorm.

He walks along the hall, thankful he was allowed to pass. The corridor was dark, only a small ray of light making it easy for him to make his way. He almost smiles when he realises it’s the light coming from your room, shoulders relaxing knowing you had not left yet. But all that tension returned as he saw you sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around yourself protectively as you weeped.

He slowly makes his way inside your room, he looks around and sees some clothes thrown in the corner, your phone screen lighting up with every new notification. He couldn’t understand what was wrong.

You feel his presence and lock your eyes with his. His heart clenched at the hurt in your eyes, the slight redness around your pupils showed that whatever happened was not good.

He carefully approaches you, awkwardly sitting next to you, not knowing what to say yet so he kisses your forehand.

“You can tell me what’s wrong.” He states, the deep tone of his voice somewhat softer, a deliberate change to calm you.

It makes you jump into his arms and they welcome you. He wraps them around your shaking body. Large hand gently patting your hair, heart pounding at the pain in your cries.

“She’s just too much. It’s like I can’t do anything right. Ushi...Why does she always have to fight and taunt and make me feel like it’s my fault?!” You burst out.

He might not understand but he listens. He nods at your words, humming in appreciation that you’re sharing.

“Can you tell me.. who?” He hesitates a bit but asks.

“My mother...I- she asked why I decide not to go home. She said how I’m upsetting her by choosing not to come home...”

You hiccup, fresh tears pouring as you finally speak about the feelings you’ve pent up.

“... and I can’t even tell her it’s because of her. Because of how she makes me feel because then she’ll just blame me again. It’s so hot and cold, she claims is her love language and that it’s for my better good. But how is it good if I feel like this? I can’t go home Ushijima...I can’t...” you trail and now he’s fully away of the situation.

He cups your jaw and wipes your tears away with his thumbs. He kisses your forehead, lips ghosting over your nose and reaches your lips. He rubs your neck softly as he kisses you, the saltiness of your tears mixing. He pulls away and frown.

“Come with me.” He demands.

“I understand you don’t want to go home and that you don’t have a strong relationship with your mother, so let me take you to my home instead? Or we can stay here together?” He suggests, cleaning your tear stains.

“I’m here for you. I may not be able to sort all your problems but I won’t let you burden them alone. It’s not good for you and I can’t have you feeling like this. Thank you for telling me. Remember, I love you and will always try to protect you.” He confesses.

He moves around and stands up, pulling you lightly onto your feet. He hold your hand and leads you out the room. You stare at your hand in his as he walks. You finally look up when crisp air hits you.

He’s brought you to the flower patch in the school yard. The soft colours of the petals illuminating under the shy moon. He seats you at the near bench, letting you rest your head on his shoulder and warm your hands with his.

“I thought you might like some air.,” he’s a little nervous, he didn’t mean to remove you from the comfort of your room but he knew how much a breather could help.

“Thank you” you whisper, getting closer to him that he puts his arm around your shoulder, not before shrugging off his school jacket to cover you.

“It’s okay, and please know I’m honest about taking you with me. If that’s what you want.”

And you agree. The next day you pack and join him on his way home. A single message sent to your mother, ignoring anything else except the time with your boyfriend.

#emergency request #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu fluff #ushijima imagine #ushijima oneshot #ushijima x you #ushijima x reader #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #hq x reader #hq x y/n

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smokahuntis · 4 years ago

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Weightless

Nothing Personal

Pairing: Javier peña x reader

Warnings: set last name, cursing, mentions of sex and death. Masterbation, night mares.

Summery: he embassy calls in a new agent to assist agents Peña and Murphy

Authors note: I’m back and I’m going to try and start a series! Based on the album Nothing Personal by All Time Low. This would be chapter one.

Word count: 3.4K

Manage me, I’m a mess

“Agent (y/n) Carter” the ambassador said as she gave them the files “she will be joining, this is everything you need to know in her and she will be here later today.

Javier nodded as he picked up the file “of course, madam ambassador” he stood with a crooked grin and looked her over “and may I say, you look amazing in pink” he said softly and kindly. Steve just rolled his eyes and walked towards the door.

“Keep dreaming Peña” she shook her head and let them leave to review the file.

Turn a page, I’m a book half unread

“Agent Carter ” Javier handed Steve the file. “ ‘DEA’s finest’” he mocked and lit up his cigarette as he set back. Letting the smoke fill his lungs as he took a long drag of his Colombian cigarette. He watched Steve waiting for his opinion.

Steve only chuckled and set the papers down “I went to academy with her...” he said, javiers eyes lit up before he shook his head

“I didn’t mean-“

“We aren’t friends it okay” Steve chuckled.

I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because

“Oh- okay... okay...” pena leaned back again as the smoke clouded the humid air around them.

“She was always an overachiever, no one really liked her in my class” he chuckled and put the file away. “Way to smart to be choosing dea, but there she was. Didnt talk to anyone, didn’t let anyone talk to her.” He shrugged “I’d be surprised if she talked to us”

I wanna feel weightless and that should be enough

“So beware shes a bitch?” Javier chuckled and put his cigarette out

“Yep” Steve got up and grabbed his empty coffee cup. “Want a coffee?”

“Not from here...” he shook his head and got up.

“You know back home I always chose Colombian brew coffee, and now I’m in colombia and I don’t see why I thought it was good” Steve chuckled as they walked together to get a drink at the coffee place across the street.

“I’ve spend out money on more valuable things then coffee machines that aren’t from the 60s and beans that aren’t 2 years old” Javier joked and shook his head as they strutted the halls. They were such a duo, splitting them into a trio is a sin, but they’d have to get used to it.

Well I’m stuck in this fucking rut

Meanwhile back in LAX (y/n)’s brother tried to convince her it wasn’t worth it. “Colombia is dangerous right now, you could get killed- or- or worse!” Thomas said following her.

“What’s worse then dying?” She watched him with a bit of a cocky grin.

“You could end up like- like Kiki” he said without thinking before she grabbed her brothers collar roughly.

“You don’t say a damn word about Kiki... plus” she let him go and wiped her Dainty hand on her white button up. “After what the US did to the Sinaloa I think I’m safe from that” she sighed and kept walking.

“(Y/n) listen- please... I can’t loose my sister, not to- Pablo Escobar” he grabbed her hand. She turned and looked at him with upset eyes. “You’re all I have left...” he whispered

Waiting on a second-Hand pick-me-up

It was true, she was all he had left, dad was away over seas and mom was gone. Their oldest brother died years ago, it was just her and Thomas. But they were both adults now, she could do what she wanted, and she had been. But now she was a little worried for Thomas.

“I’ll call, and I’ll visit when I can, just go home Thomas... I’ll be okay” she said looking at him, before the warning for her flight went off, 10 minutes now. “I love you, I have to go” she hugged her younger brother before she left.

I’m getting over getting older

(Y/n) looked over her files on the plane, she knew it was a matter of time before escobar knew who she was so she didn’t hide it. She didn’t care, she knew he was almost untouchable. Almost.

(Y/n) had been all over for the DEA, her most frequented place however was Mexico. She worked in Mexico for a long time, she was young and stupid and she kinda thought it was the DEA’s way of getting rid of waste, expecting her to die at the hands of the Sinaloa. However she returned very much alive, and very much tearing open at the seems. She still has nightmares of her time there, but she didn’t care, she had to keep going, for him.

If I could just find the time

Javier set up the stuff in the meeting room before he made his way home for the night. His little two bit apartment given to him by the Embassy. It was nice, he knew that, but it always felt cold and empty, that’s why he filled it with girls, smoke, alcohol smells. It was like a fucking bar. He tried to not bring work home with him but he couldn’t help it most nights, things either bothered him to much or had to be done sooner then later. Some days he wanted to feel weightless, and those days he could escape the heavy burden of people lives depending on him. The ones he couldn’t save, or the ones he’s trying to save. He was trying so hard, but he couldn’t escape.

He needed air, that’s what it was. Right now when he felt his chest collapse on him, he needed aid, real air. So he was quick to make his way out the door and to the front steps of the apartment building, he almost didn’t see her. The (h/c) girl standing there at the steps with her bags. He almost took her out, but he stopped in time.

“I’m- im sorry uh- can I help you?” He asked clearing his throat as he looked at her. She pulled her hood off and looked up at him holding her bags close to her

Then I would never let another day go by

“This is the embassy apartments right?” She asked with a soft shivering smile. He was quick to answer, maybe to quick.

“Yea! Yea this is- this is them yea... you’re-“ he started but she cut him off.

“(Y/n) Carter, yes- hi- um- sorry I didn’t mean to cut you off I’m just tired and cold and really want to get inside. He nodded understanding, completely forgotting why he came out here as he looked into her eyes, illuminated by the yellow street lights behind him.

“I’ll show you to your apartment” he smiled and took her in, she was just across the hall from him. Her apartment identical in most ways, however her kitchen was bigger and so was her bathroom.

I’m over getting old

“Thank you, you must be Agent Peña” she smiled as he got the key from the leafy palm in the corner, unlocking her door for her.

“That I am” he smiled and helped with her bags. If he was going to be stuck with her he wanted to be nice. He didn’t want another agent, him and Steve were doing just on their own, but the embasssy expected things to be done instantly, but they are putting to many cooks in the kitchen.

“Thank you for helping, you didn’t need to” she smiled and set her bags down on the bed and looked at him.

“Of course” he smiled and set her things down with the rest. “So, we’re you invited or did you request to be transferred”

Maybe it’s not my weekend

(Y/n) looked at him and pushed hair behind her ears and shook her head. “I requested it actually, I requested it months ago really but-“

“Why would you want to be here? You know what’s happening-“

“That’s exactly why I want to be here” she stood straighter and looked at him. “You need all the help you can get it seems- and I understand if you don’t want me here because I’m a women”

“No! No no- no that isn’t it I promise” he said feeling a bit of his earlier panic come back, but it was only a little. “I don’t care you’re a women I’ve seen your file you’ve done amazing things but we were doing just fine without you...” Javier said looking at her, his hand up in defense.

“Then why did the embassy want me here ASAP?” She asked crossing her arms.

“Because they think we are stupid or something... they expect things done instantly and it’s impossible.” He explained. She nodded and sighed

“I understand that feeling. But I’m here to help... I promise” she looked at him as the moon light filtered threw her window

But it’s gonna be my year

He nodded and sighed “I’ll just let you get some sleep, I’ll see you at the office” he walked out of her room, giving her one last look as he smiled “goodnight Agent Carter” he walked out to his apartment again.

(Y/n) sighed and unpacked all she could tonight and took a few melatonin and went to sleep, trying to get on the schedule.

It wasn’t hard for her to get up in the morning, making her own coffee and getting ready early. She wanted to be there before them so she could go over things and get caught up. So getting ready quickly she tied her hair up in a tight ponytail and made her way to the office. She was always on time or early, wanting to get ahead of things or finish work so she didn’t have to bring things home.

I’m so sick of watching all the minutes pass as I go nowhere

Javier however, couldnt manage to get himself out of sleep. Stuck in a long nightmare that has his body aching and sweating to wake up but he was stuck there, in that spot in the sticky cotton sheets. He tossed and turned but al he could see was the blood, every scene he’d been to, it took a toll on him. He couldn’t help it anymore, couldn’t hold them back, couldn’t stay up and drink a shit ton of coffee and just keep going.

He was hurting himself even more trying to ignore it. He was lost in a sea of sound, until finally he woke up, alone and covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

“Fuck....” he shook his head and got out of bed, throwing his things in the wash before he got in the shower. He felt so exhausted from sleeping, that’s not right. He hated this constant feeling, it was so much. He couldn’t even escape at home. Seemed the only time he felt fine was when he was baring himself inside a women of the night and telling her how perfect she was, only to wake up alone and try to relive that moment in the shower by himself.

This is my reaction to everything I fear

It was no secret, Javier Peña was a ladies man. To get in the head of the cartel he slept with the same women as the cartel, did it work? Yes occasionally. But it wasn’t that anymore, it wasn’t just work, it was a form of escape now. Was he a sex addict? Yes, most definitely. Did he care? No, because it was release in more ways then one and that’s all he wanted.

He did have a talent tho, remembering every name, every face. Every women. He was a talented man. But right now that didn’t matter, what mattered to him in this moment was making himself feel weightless as hot water ran down his body. He was alone last night, after showing (y/n) her apartment he went home and to bed. So he had nothing to relieve, no face to see when he closed his eyes. Oh... how he was wrong.

Cause I’ve been going crazy, I don’t wanna waste another minute here

There she was, the beauty he met last night. (Y/n) carter. Why was she what he thought about right now? He just met her. She was his partner and he’d only see her face and hands, that’s not even enough for a weirdo to get off. But it was enough for him to wrap his hand around his throbbing cock and leaning his head back as he stroked himself.

His chest heaving and his eyes rolling back as he pumped his fat cock in his hand. Soft grunts escaped his mouth before the words left it “(y/n)... fuck...” he groaned.

He didn’t even know the girl and he was getting off in his shower to her.

This could be all that I’ve waited for

He didn’t know why he felt like this, but in his mind he had her on her knees, her lips wrapped around his tip as she took him down her little throat, just that image made him let out a loud moan. Soon his balls tightened and he was coming all over her face, and down the drain.

He shook his head as he opened his eyes and looked at the mess he made. Causing him to sigh heavily and clean up before he got dressed and ready, trying to get the idea out of his head. It was his first day with her, and he wanted to fuck her. Wow.

This could be everything I don’t wanna dream anymore

When he got there she was already liking over things, remembering faces and writing in her notebook. She looked peaceful there, just staring at a cork-board of killers and drug lords. He could tell quickly this is her environment.

“Hey” he said setting down his coffee and taking off his brown leather jacket. She turned with an other bright smiled and looked at him, her smile lit of the room and made his chest feel tight, but not like his panic the night before, this was warm and different.

“Hey” she said in her silk tone as she set her note book down. “ I hope you don’t mind I’m taking my own notes.”

“Not at all, whatever makes you comfortable” he smiled at her softly. At that moment Steve walked in with his own coffee and pen. He was way to quick to notice the look in javiers eyes, the interest he had in her.

“Thanks” she smiled before looking at Steve “Steve Murphy, wow... hi” she smiled and shook his hand.

“Hey Carter, it’s been awhile” he chuckled and shook her hand

“It’s been more then awhile” she smiled and looked up at him

Maybe it’s not my weekend, but it’s gonna be my year.

“Well it’s good to know we have a good agent on our team” he smiled. “So what are you working on”

“Just taking my own notes so I can memorize things faster and get caught up” she smiled at them.

“Oh did you color coat them too?” He asked a little to condescending. She sighed and caught on quickly but went on.

“No I did not. I’m not a preppy teenager.” She stated simply before walking back to take notes.

“While you do that we are going to go do real things okay?” He grabbed his coffe and walked out with Javier. (Y/n) was pretty used to sexist comments or people thinking she couldn’t do things so she brushed it off, however Javier didn’t.

I’m going crazy, I’m stuck in here

“What the hell was that?!” Javjer looked at Steve and closed the door as they got into their little office.

“What was what?” Steve asked and set his things down.

“You being an asshole to her, what did she do to you?” Javier said taking up for her.

“I don’t know Javier what’s up with you? Staring at her like you’re guess engagement ring sizes!” Steve argued, they argued way to often. Like a married couple really.

“I was not!” Javier scoffed “I can’t be nice to my new coworker?”

“Just yesterday you were dreading her! And now you have heart eyes all over her” Steve said

Maybe it’s not my weekend but it’s gonna be my year

“I don’t have heart eyes, I’m just looking at her, damn” he sat down and opened his earliest files and started work.

“I’m sure” Steve shook his head before starting to work.

Soon (y/n) made her way to the office and walked in and almost fell over with a heart attack “my god, how do you work in such mess” she asked looking around.

“Mess? I think it’s pretty clean” Steve said looking around

“The only clean place here is my desk and it’s still covered in papers. “ she looked at him and set her things down.

“ okay I’ll admit, it’s a bit messy, but we know whether everything is” he leaned back. Just as he said that, Peña who wasn’t paying attention spoke up.

“I can’t find that file from yesterday” he sighed, giving (y/n) the perfect example.

“See!” She looked at Steve.

“Okay fine, we could organize...” he sighed.

I’m so sick of watching am three minutes pass as I go nowhere

After hours of cleaning the office was organized and they found things much easier, so much quicker and efficient. So much so that Javier could ask

“Okay now I need the First Medellin file” he said softly and it was quickly put on his desk.

“See that’s not bad...” (y/n) smiled softly and looked between them.

“But we just wasted so much time doing that” Steve said

“But we are going to save so much more now that it’s organized” she crossed her arms. She was right, organizing the office was the best decision they’d made all year, it helped get things done faster and cleared their minds.

And this is my reaction to everything I fear.

It was a small thing, to organize the office, but when Javier got home he decided to clean the apartment too, washing the bed sheets and making everything up after. Cooking a meal instead of ordering. Just have a day of cleaning up and doing normal people things, it made him sleep better already. The nightmares had calmed down and everything was fine. He was peaceful for a moment, a minute, a few seconds. And then there it was, the scream that made (y/n) drop everything and go to his apartment, he left the door unlocked so it was easy for her to get in and get to his bed side instantly.

“Javier!” She said grabbing his shoulders and shaking him awake. He was starting to sweat again, just as she grabbed him, her touch alone calmed down the terror of his mind, causing him to wake.

“(Y/n)...” he whispered tiredly as he looked at her, she was in a robe, her hair wrapped loosely in a towel.

“Hey buddy” she smiled softly, trying to comfort him in anyway. She didn’t know anything about him but she wanted to try her best to make him feel better, to make him feel weightless.

“What are you doing here...” he asked laying back. She pushed his hair out of his face and massaged his scalp softly as she spoke.

“You screamed and I came as soon as I could... I thought something happened” she answered and watched him, he was gorgeous here, with the moon light covering his glistening chest, highlighting his face and messy hair.

“I’m sorry- I- I didn’t mean too” he said as he sighed.

“It’s okay... I understand... I used to do the same thing after Mexico” she admitted. They barely knew a damn thing but they both felt comfortable with each other.

“How did you get it to stop...” he asked

“Well I did go to therapy but it never seemed to help, so I did what I did as a kid, I get something to read and read till I can’t keep my eyes open, it makes your mind think on the topics of the book rather then the other mess...” she whispered and pulled his covers back over him. He nodded and smiled “I could read to you tonight if you want...”

“You don’t have to do that”

“I don’t mind... get comfy I’ll find something...” she smiled and went to get a book. His eyes trailed her long legs as she walked out to get a book, why did he feel so open and comfortable with her, he just met her.

Cause I’ve been going crazy, I don’t wanna waste a minute here

Taglist: @thinemineours @morgannope @thisis-theway @onabouteverything @blxwjobsforclones @a-dorin @everythinggeeky

This will be a series I hope, so if you want to be tagged in this or more Javier peña stuff please let me know!

#javier peña #Javier peña #Pedro pascal #Javier peña x reader #Javier peña smut #Steve Murphy #narcos #narcos smut #narcos series #Javier peña series #nothing Personal serious

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