#maybe once it's about 70-80% done I can talk myself into it but man

[chyrstis]

When I first started drafting Hana's next big fic and it looked like it was going to be at least five to six chapters, I told myself it would be much smarter on my end to write it out in full before posting. That'll help with plot holes, underdeveloped scenes, characterization questions, just the works, and hopefully cut down on potential dead-ends too.

... But with roughly 2.5 chapters of it down now, that urge to post is kicking in with a vengeance, and who knows when the rest is going to be done. :')

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

so it turns out I have gay relatives in my extended family. like, at least few of them, at least two of which are still alive--one of them married his husband relatively recently as a fairly old man (because. you know. presumably he had to wait until it was legal) but was apparently out in the 70s and my conservative grandparents still sold him their house at the time to keep it in the family. another one is closer to my dad’s age and he’s been in semi-regular contact with her on Facebook because they’re both interested in tracing and preserving info from their shared family tree (and, hilariously, her dad was also gay I guess?).

and I’m--kind of overwhelmed about this? mostly in a good way! but like...I had no idea. I mean it doesn’t seem unreasonable that there would be somebody, because my extended family is pretty big, but there wasn’t anybody I’d actually met, and I was raised super conservative/evangelical because my parents were both raised conservative because my grandparents have always been conservative, and the extended family I knew best growing up (my dad’s brother and his family) were also pretty damn conservative, so I just...sort of assumed I was either the first queer in my general family circle or the first one to be at all open about it. and I’ve also been worried that my grandparents specifically would have a problem with that, which is a big part of the reason I haven’t made any effort to visit them since 2016...and now I find out they sold a house to their out gay cousin in the 70s. I mean I have no idea if they’re still in contact with him at all or if it was a very close relationship at the time, but according to my dad, everybody knew about it and it just...wasn’t an issue, apparently?? the family was generally cool with it??

which, I mean...that does make me feel better about the chances of my grandparents deciding they can’t have anything to do with me until I stop being queer and liberal! (I’ve also discovered recently that my grandpa’s brother, and presumably a lot of other people on his side of the family, are a lot more progressive than my grandparents are, so I’m simultaneously like...cool, that also indicates my chances are better than I thought, and I’m frustrated that I just happened to be born on the fundie side of the family!)

and I’m honestly really, really touched that my dad told me this stuff, because he’s acknowledged me being ace but has basically dealt with me being otherwise queer by pretending I haven’t said anything even when I literally bring it up in conversation (which, yes, I kind of make an effort to do sometimes, because I don’t want him to be able to ignore it, and it pisses me off when he does). but then last night we went to this outdoor concert and he was like, by the way, there’s some family history tidbits it occurred to me you might not know about and might want to know, and then he told me about these gay relatives that I didn’t know I had. I mean, talking about family history and showing old pictures isn’t at all unusual, but this was...intentional and specific, telling me about my gay relatives because he thought I’d like to know, and showing me pictures from the 70s of, like, my grandparents hanging out with a gay relative or two like it was no big deal, and more recent pictures of the wedding between two old men I didn’t know I was related to. and honestly I got a little emotional about it at the time, and I’m tearing up again because the pictures are on Facebook and I’m looking at them going holy shit there was a gay wedding in my family. I have gay relatives I can maybe talk to and get to know. my own grandparents might not care, actually, that I’m queer.

but at the same time--

my grandpa was a Democrat, a long time ago--a state legislator for the party, even, before he switched parties. I don’t know why he switched. all I know is that he and my grandma have been very conservative for as long as I’ve been alive, which is why my dad’s always been so conservative, which is why I was raised in this toxic, compassionless ideology and didn’t even begin to realize I might be queer until after college. hell, it’s the reason I cringe at a lot of bigoted things I used to believe, and all I can really do to make myself feel better about that is to remind myself that I did change, drastically if gradually, once I realized it was an option--and to hope that I didn’t actually influence anyone when I parroted all the fundie stuff I was raised believing. to the best of my knowledge, my grandparents have been single-ticket Republican voters for a long time and probably still are--I know my parents were when I was growing up, too, and although I’ve gotten my mom to stop reflexively voting for particularly awful Republicans, I strongly suspect my dad still mostly votes GOP. any time political stuff comes up, he just wants to argue with me, either because he figures I don’t know what I’m talking about or because he’s the type of person who always thinks it’s fun to play devil’s advocate (which is...the same thing really, at least when he does it, because it sure seems to be based on the premise of “well you don’t really know what you’re talking about because I bet you haven’t considered this”). I’m sure my grandparents still watch Fox News. I know my dad at least used to listen to a lot of Rush Limbaugh. I know he still thinks Ronald Reagan was one of our truly great presidents. he acts like he’s enlightened or whatever but I remember the mocking shit he always said about things like multiculturalism, sensitivity training, feminism (except he talked about “women’s libbers”), liberals in general, and basically anyone who didn’t think various equal rights issues were done and dusted by the 80s at the latest.

(I have a very specific memory of a time on a family vacation at some point in the 90s when the Supreme Court, I guess, had just upheld a ruling that kept gay marriage illegal, and my dad encountered this old guy looking at a headline about it who asked him, “does that mean queers can’t get married?” my dad confirmed it did, and the old guy said, “Praise God!” and my dad told us about this later like it was a very funny joke. he even added that he was tempted to answer “no, sweetie, we can’t,” with an affected effeminate voice and a limp-wrist gesture to match, just to mess with the old guy a little, but even then it was obvious to me the old guy wasn’t the one really being mocked.)

and this whole time they had gay family members, knew they had gay family members, apparently didn’t hate them as individuals or even think they were particularly wrong for being gay, and...they still supported these hateful pundits, still voted for politicians who would make queer people’s lives materially worse, still passed this shit down to the next generation and the generation after that. and it has probably never occurred to them that there could be something wrong--or even just dissonant--about that.

I don’t know what to do with it. it’s a good thing, and I’m happy to know it, and I’m still genuinely very touched that my dad realized this was something I specifically would want to know, and...there’s all this other ugly stuff wrapped up with it too. and I don’t know what to do with it.

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [80]

ix. what you take with you 

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 4.2k

Warnings: mentions of blood, violence, fighting, language.

Summary: Two unexpected people join you in your captivity.

a/n: NUMBER 80??!! HOW DO WE ONLY HAVE 20 LEFT???? LIKE W H A T? also this is one of my favorite chapters so I’m excited to share it with you!!! the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

Time passes in the cave slowly as you wait for something to happen. Anything really. But your captivity is largely uneventful after your initial escape. Most of the Children of Gabriel ignore you as they go past, moving in and out of the cave, and only once does one of them interact with you, a few hours into your captivity. She grabs your head and tugs it forward, checking for a mind drive scar, and when she finds none she informs the others and leaves you alone again. 

Sometime after dark, something finally starts to happen. 

There’s a commotion in the cave, and people rush past you and towards the door, some of them talking about new hostages as they go. You stand, moving as close to the door as you can, eyes trained on it as you await the arrival of whoever else they found. You finally see movement towards the entrance to the cave, and you watch two people being led inside, bags over their heads. You feel your heartbeat quicken, wondering if you know who they are, but you don't have to wonder for long because the taller of the two figures mutters, “I need to see Gabriel.”

You feel a rush of relief, and worry, at the sound of your boyfriend’s voice, and you call out, “Bellamy?”

He calls your name back, and then the bag is pulled off his head, the two of you looking at each other in shock. Bellamy’s face drops when he sees the blood smeared on your face, and you shake your head a little trying to let him know that it’s nothing to worry about. You tug against your chains, trying to reach him, and he launches himself towards you, slipping from his captors grip. He rushes across the cave to you, his arms wrapping around you for half a second before he is yanked away and you’re rewarded with a hard slap. You let out a sound of pain, groaning at the familiar metallic taste washing over your tongue, and you turn and spit the blood from your mouth, before looking up with a glare, eyes landing on the person who slapped you. 

You almost roll your eyes when you realize it’s Asher, who now has black warpaint smudged around his eyes. He smiles at you, clearly enjoying his torment of you. “What? Do you have something to say?”

You let your anger get the best of you and you search your head for the nickname used in Sanctum that you’re sure will hurt him, coupled with a reminder of the insult he threw your way before knocking you out. “Yeah, how’d a Null get past the radiation shield anyways? Your red blood isn't good for anything.”

The insult hurts him, as intended, but it earns you another smack, this time accompanied by Bellamy’s struggling cry of protest. You keep your sound of pain at bay this time and turn your glare back to the man, who smirks at you. “I slipped out the same time your boyfriend did, he was just too busy to notice.”

You look at Bellamy, who looks like he has a million things he wants to ask you, but you’re cut off by a voice muttering, “Ew, what’s that smell?”

You look over to the second hooded figure, and watch as they tug the bag off Josephine’s head. She looks around in disgust before her eyes find you, taking in your appearance, and she scoffs, “God, you look like shit.”

Josephine’s presence seems to remind Bellamy that there is more at stake here, and he looks at the man standing beside you. “Which one of you is Gabriel? We have information critical to your cause.”

Josephine laughs, “Their cause is a joke.”

“Quiet!”

But Josephine doesn't stop, she just continues her taunting with a smirk. “Do you think that dressing up in scary costumes helps your cause? We laugh at you in Sanctum.”

“Why aren't you laughing now?”

The same woman from the alleyway, a blonde with warpaint, pulls out a sword and points it at Josephine. She doesn't flinch, but you can see Bellamy start to worry, and he calls out, “Just wait. They can make hosts, as many as they want.”

Asher turns to look at you in shock, Bellamy reiterating the same information you initially offered him, verifying it before your 24 hours is up. You smirk at him a little and mutter, “Told you.”

He glares at you before turning to look at Bellamy. “Details, or your rude friend dies.”

Bellamy shakes his head. “I don't think so.”

The man pulls out your Grounder knife and holds it to your throat, giving Bellamy a sinister smile. “Something tells me we could make you talk.”

“Touch her, and I'll tell you nothing.” You can see Bellamy fighting against his rising anxiety, trying to seem like the one in control, despite the fact that all of you are restrained and you have a knife at your throat for the second time in the last few hours. “You don't have long before the 12 Primes are back. Gabriel gets the details, no one else.”

The man grinds out, “There were 13.” He tosses you to the ground and yells to the others, “Chain them up! If the old man doesn't respond, you die.”

They chain Bellamy to your left and Josephine to your right, and all of you watch as one of the Children of Gabriel grabs a radio and starts to speak into it, walking out the cave as he does. “Jericho to Providence. We have a prisoner that claims Primes can now make hosts. If you're out there…”

You don't hear the rest, the man now out of sight, the rest of the children dispersed, the three of you now alone. You look to the entrance of the cave in confusion, thinking of the failure all of you have had with radios up to this point, a fact that you are well aware of, despite your limited time on this moon. So how come people born and raised here don't know the same fact? You look over at Bellamy, who looks equally confused, and you voice the question you're both thinking. “Radios don't work on this moon, how could they not know that?”

“They work in one place.”

You and Bellamy look over at Josephine, catching onto something in her tone. She leans her head back against the wall, eyes on the ceiling, looking anxious and afraid. “What is it?”

“If they're calling Gabriel, that means he's alive.”

Bellamy, sensing a deeper history, asks, “What's the deal with you two?”

“What? Are we gonna be friends now?”

He lets out a soft snort of laughter, “Doubtful.”

She glances at both of you, taking you in, before she turns away again, focusing her gaze on the wall in front of her. “I've been in love with Gabriel for 236 years, the last 70 of which he's been trying to kill me. You know, relationships.”

You and Bellamy share a look, glad that your relationship hasn't featured any murder attempts. Well, there was an attempt during the eclipse, but that’s not the same thing. You look back to Josephine when you hear a strange tapping sound, your eyes falling to her finger, tapping Morse Code against the cuff. Bellamy and Josephine notice too, and she nods, “Morse code, huh? She's crafty, I'll give her that.”

She focuses on the Morse Code, spelling out the translation as her finger moves. “B-o-o-h-o-o. That's harsh.”

You smile at your twin’s quip, until your brain starts to realize something. You look at Josephine with curiosity, aware that if Clarke is cracking jokes about Josephine’s love life, then she can hear Josephine talking about her love life. “She can hear us?”

“It would seem so, which means the wall separating our minds is almost gone. When that happens, she'll stroke out, I'll download, and you can say goodbye to your genocidal twin.”

“Let me talk to her.”

She gives you a condescending look, “I'd have to give over control for that, so no.”

“But she can hear me?”

“Yes, she can hear you.” She rolls her eyes at you and the hopeful expression on your face. “For God's sake, just say what you want to say.”

You think of all the things you want to say to Clarke, all the things you want to tell her in case you have to say goodbye, but then you realize you don't want to say goodbye. You can’t say goodbye. No matter what it takes, no after what you have to do, you will save your twin's life, the way she has saved yours and countless others on multiple occasions. Which is why you settle on, “I won't let you die.”

You’re serious when you say it, the words a promise to the Universe that you will do what needs to be done. Josephine seems taken aback by your fervor, maybe even a little jealous, but you see her hand absentmindedly rub her wrist, the same wrist that usually holds your twin’s bracelet. You smile for a second, but then the bracelet reminds you of Madi, who is supposed to be here right now. You turn to face Bellamy, fighting back your worry. “Wait, where are the others?”

“Back in Sanctum. Josephine cut Murphy so Emori stayed behind with him, and Echo stayed behind to make sure the others are safe. We never found Madi before we had to leave, and Jackson, Miller, and Jordan were late. We didn't have time to wait because the guards were closing in, so I grabbed Josephine and we escaped.” He moves closer to you, his chains reaching yours, thankfully, allowing the two of you to sit close. His voice drops to a whisper as he lifts his hands to caress your face, finger running across the dried up blood, brows furrowed with worry. “I didn't want to leave you behind, but when you didn't show up and the guards were about to grab us, I thought about what’s best for everyone and decided that saving Clarke is important.”

You smile at him, letting him know you aren’t upset that he left you behind. Because technically you were already out of Sanctum. “You’re right, saving Clarke is important, and it’s exactly what I wanted you to do. Clarke’s trapped in her head and her body is a ticking time bomb. I can take care of myself.”

He smiles at you, eyes falling on the blood again, its presence only further convincing him of what you're saying. “I know you can, because you’re strong. Stronger than any of us.”

The two of you kiss, his touch light and affectionate, but you pull away when someone behind you exclaims, “Oh, barf. Get a room.”

You roll your eyes at Josephine and mutter, “Go float yourself.”

“Funny, your sister said the same thing to me when we first met.”

You ignore her and slide down to the ground, leaning against the wall, and Bellamy does the same, the three of you sitting in silence for a few hours. You see no one in those few hours, and eventually the three of you fall asleep, resting the best you can on the cold hard ground of the cave, with you and Bellamy huddled close to fight off the slight chill in the air.

You wake a few hours later, sometime after sunrise, according to the small amount of light filtering into the cave, and when you open your eyes and look at Bellamy, you find that he’s already looking at you. Despite your circumstances, despite the possibility that you, Clarke, Josephine, and Bellamy could possibly die in a few hours, you feel a rush of peace looking up at his face, and the distinct feeling that everything is right in the world. Bellamy must feel it too, because he leans in to kiss you, soft and sweet, reminding you just how much you love his morning kisses. And his afternoon kisses, and his evening kisses, and his happy kisses, and his sad ones, his comforting ones, his passionate ones. Every kiss from Bellamy is better than the one before it, and you’re sure you could spend your entire life doing nothing but kissing him and you’d still die happy.  

Bellamy pulls away and looks down at you with a smile. “To other people, you are the moon. The radiant natshana that lights up even the darkest of nights, but to me, you’re everything. The moon, the sun, the stars. You’re the air I breathe and the love in my heart. You are every leaf, every tree, every moon, planet, and galaxy in this endless Universe. You are everything to me, and you have completely captured my heart from the moment that I met you, though I tried to deny it at first.”

The two of you laugh softly as you remember the animosity that you shared in the beginning. Bellamy starts to sit up, pulling you up with him, both of you turning to face each other as you do. You can tell he has more that he wants to say to you, and though you don't understand why you're getting this declaration of love now, you accept it with a smile. “I have never been loved by someone the way you love me, and I know I’m incredibly lucky that I get to have this. That I get to have you. You have loved me at my best, and you have loved me at my very worst, and even when I am lost and struggling, still you’re there, loving me through it all. You have the biggest heart, one that is so full of love that you are so eager to give, and I love you for that. I love your strength, your vulnerability, your kindness, your beauty. I love everything about you, and I just want to give you the world. I want to protect you, and love you, and make you happy until I draw my last breath. And I’ve been waiting to tell you all of this, waiting for the perfect moment during our new life of peace, but I’m starting to worry that I won’t get that chance. I can't tell you how many times I’ve seen you laying beside me, injured, looking like you’re on the brink of death, and when I couldn't find you yesterday, I nearly lost it. So I’m going to do this while I can, while you’re in front of me, alive and okay.”

He reaches up to push your hair away from your face and you close your eyes and lean into his touch, smiling. When you open your eyes again, his hand is extended between the two of you, a small ring held out in his palm. It’s beautiful; a small round sapphire surrounded by a perimeter of tiny diamonds, all situated on a thin gold band. You look up at Bellamy in shock, his expression one of complete adoration as he whispers, “Will you marry me?”

You look between him and the ring, wondering if he’s joking, but when you meet his eyes again, you can see that he’s completely serious, and still anxiously awaiting your answer. Your face splits into a grin and you practically lunge towards him, pulling him into a hug before peppering kisses all over his face. He laughs, one of those bright pretty ones that you wish you could capture in a bottle and keep forever, and his voice is light with happiness when he says, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

You kiss him softly on the lips, pulling away just enough to whisper, against them, “Yes.”

His smile gets even wider, and he pulls you in for another hug, before leaning back and holding up the ring again. He takes your hand and slides it onto your left ring finger, both of you marveling at the perfect fit. You admire the ring, and the way it looks on your finger, and he whispers, “It was my mother’s.”

You look up at him, your eyes growing wide. “Oh, Bellamy.”

But he smiles, sadness unable to reach him in this moment. “She gave it to me before she was floated, told me to give it to the girl that captures my heart. I didn’t have it when I hopped on the dropship, but when I went back to the ring with the others, I went looking for it. I’ve had it with me everyday since I left you on Earth, carrying it with me to remind myself of the girl that captured my heart.”

You feel tears well up in your eyes, and you start to lean in for another kiss when a voice behind you stops you in your tracks. “Ugh, again? Are the two of you capable of keeping it in your pants long enough for us to get out of here?”

You and Bellamy both cut back, “Shut up, Josephine.”

She holds her hands up in mock surrender before sitting up from her sleeping position, resting her head against the cave wall again. You see a smirk pass over her features and you give her a questioning look. “What?”

“My father was a fool for letting you people stay. All that time spent building a sanctuary for the human race, and he destroys it because of the most human thing of all...love.” She shakes her head before she smirks again, “I mean, who can blame him? I am awesome. It's just…”

She trails off, looking at you and Bellamy, still pressed close together. “Well, one look at the two of you, and he should have known how this would end. Guess I'm just saying all this because I know so much about both of you now.”

You nod your head, giving her a sarcastic look. “Oh, you do, huh?”

She hums in agreement, looking between you and Bellamy again. “Take the three of you, for instance. Now that's a weird relationship, isn't it? First, the twins hate each other when they land on Earth, and then Bellamy wants to kill both of you just to save his own ass, even though it means the genocide of your own people on the Ark. Then you two shack up, and Bellamy and Clarke become besties, all of you bonding over the actual genocide at Mount Weather.”

She lifts her hand, pretending to push a fake lever, “Together.”

You roll your eyes as she continues on, “Bellamy locks her up, she locks you both up, he leaves you and Clarke on Earth, she leaves you both to die in the fighting pits. I mean, it's exhausting, frankly.”

You snort, “Tell me about it.”

Bellamy leans his head against the wall, turning his gaze away from her. “You're wrong about how this ends, by the way. First, we get you back into your mind drive, and then we'll use it for a peace deal with your father.”

“Your belief in yourself is cute. But unfortunately, putting aside about a thousand variables, chief among them Clarke's newfound evangelical, do better-ism, making it impossible for her to accept a peace deal with those awful body snatchers, all four of us are gonna die in this cave.”

Bellamy nods, convinced that this is not where your story ends. “Yeah, okay. We'll see.”

She turns to glare at him, “Okay, now your confidence is just pissing me off.”

Bellamy looks at her like he’s about to respond, but suddenly the energy in the room changes. Seconds later you can hear the sound of approaching voices, and all three of you stand, looking towards the entrance to the cave. Asher comes in first, leading the rest, and he points his sword at you, commanding, “Gag the prisoners.”

He yells into the cave, for the others hidden deep inside, “Everybody up! The Sanctum riders are coming!”

You and Bellamy exchange a look as a few of the guards walk over to you, ready to gag you. They head to Josephine first, grabbing her harshly to hold her still, but she fights against them, yelling, “Get away from me!”

One of the men hits her hard and she falls to the ground. When they pull her back to her feet, a small line of black blood drips from her mouth, giving her status away. You whisper, “Shit.”

Chaos erupts after that, and the blonde woman starts to yell, “She's got the blood! She's got the blood!”

Asher comes over and looks at Josephine, eyeing the blood dripping from her mouth. “Put her on her knees.”

You know what’s gonna happen next, because they did the same thing to you hours ago. You look at Bellamy in alarm before turning and yelling, “Leave her alone!”

They force her to her knees and lift her hair, revealing the short scar on the back of her neck. Your stomach drops as they announce to the group, “She's a Prime! Unchain her, put her there.”

Asher motions to a flat rock nearby, and they unchain Josephine and drag her over to it, ignoring your begging, “Don't do this, please!”

Bellamy adds, “The drive in her head, it's Josephine!”

The name seems to make things worse, because the guard at Josephine’s back shoves her forcefully down, pressing her face into the rock. She mutters, “Not helping.”

“Think! As long as she's alive, you have leverage over Russell!”

Asher looks at Bellamy, his expression neutral, clearly not swayed by the thought of leverage. “This is not a negotiation, it's a war. The answer is Death to Primes!”

You and Bellamy watch in horror as he lifts his sword, fully intending to bring it down and chop off your twin's head, killing her once and for all. You rack your brain trying to think of anything to save her, and as you watch the sword start to lower, Josephine yells out, “Wait!”

The sword freezes in midair, and she exclaims, “Gabriel loves her. Is this what he would want?”

Her? The word hits you like a freight train, and you look at the blonde on the rock with a smile, hoping that the hunch you have is correct. You watch as she turns and kicks the leg of the man holding her in place, breaking it in half. He cries out in pain and releases her, giving her just enough time to dodge the sword that comes down onto the rock, missing her head by inches. She uses Asher’s surprise to grab him and swing him towards the rock, slamming his head into it and dropping him to the ground. Then she takes his sword and kills the man that is running to meet her, leaving only the blonde woman that you first met in Sanctum. But she makes quick work of her too, slicing her throat with the sword, stepping around the fallen body to look at you and Bellamy.

You look at her with a smile of realization, recognizing your twin anywhere. “Clarke?”

She smiles at you, “La lune.”

She bends down and grabs a set of keys as Bellamy looks at her in shock, “She gave you control?”

“It was either that or get her head cut off.”

She runs towards you, fumbling with the ring of keys, trying to find the one that fits your restraints. Deeper in the cave, the other Children of Gabriel have been alerted to your attempts at freedom, and you all look towards the sound of the approaching voices, watching shadows as they bounce off the wall, running closer. “I heard something! This way.”

You close your hands over Clarke’s, stilling her movements, “We don't have time, you have to run!”

“No!” She shakes her head hard, her expression pulling into one of desperation. “I'm not leaving you.”

“You have to! We’re running out of time. Go find Gabriel, we’ll come find you.”

She looks like she wants to argue, but the approaching voices continue to grow louder, and she knows you're right. She slips the keys into your hand, before wrapping one hand around yours and reaching out to wrap one hand around Bellamy’s. “Congratulations. I love you both.”

You smile at her briefly, the expression dropping when the voices are right around the corner, “Go! Now!”

She nods and gives you one last look before turning and running away, straight out of the cave and into the woods. Seconds later a group of people runs past you, heading outside as Asher yells at them, “It's Josephine Prime. Kill her before she gets to the rise. Do not let them get her back to Sanctum! Go!”

They all file out of the cave, leaving their injured leader behind, and you turn to Bellamy, who is looking at you with worry. “What now?”

“Now,” you open your palm, letting the handcuff keys hang down into view, giving him a mischievous grin as you do, “We get the hell out of here.”

He grins back at you, ready to raise hell with his fiance, ready to escape this cave and make things right.

Ready to show the Primes, and the Children of Gabriel, that they picked the wrong group of people to mess with.

-

next chapter

[moonlightwritesdisney]

𝐌𝐎𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓’𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓’𝐒 !

—————————

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓 !

1. “I’m leaving.”

2. “You relapsed again, didn’t you?”

3. “You promised you wouldn’t hurt me!”

4. “Yeah, it’s always my fault!”

5. “I hate you.”

6. “Even after all that?

7. “You broke her heart and came back for more, you bastard.”

8. “This isn’t fifth grade, this is a courtroom, you whore.”

9. “I think you’d be the perfect match for my ex-husband. He loved to sleep with multiple people.”

10. “I’m not coming home, don’t look for me.”

11. “Time was always a measurement of this relationship and we finally ran out.”

12. “Please don’t look at me with such hatred.”

13. “I could’ve died and you couldn’t have cared less.”

14. “Just get out. I- I don’t want you here, just leave.”

15. “You’re not the same person I married, don’t tell me I’m wrong.”

16. “I wish you wouldn’t beg for forgiveness, it has the opposite effect of what you want.”

17. “Don’t hate me for this. You would’ve done the same.”

18. “This could’ve been the end and you were ready to let me go.”

19. “You should’ve left me, you could never deserve the person I’ve become.”

20. “Hate me all you want. I know I’m right.”

21. “Today you broke my arm, I hope tomorrow it’s not my heart.”

22. “Nothing can justify this, you’ve ruined him.”

23. “You live with so much guilt, I hope it drives you mad one of these days.”

24. “My life was ruined because of one mistake. You were that mistake.”

25. “You are everything I hate, don’t ever come back.”

26. “Evil doesn’t come close.”

27. “Your wrongdoings are becoming your pastimes.”

28. “I wish you had of just done it for the thrill of it, but now you’re in deep shit.”

29. “Next time, I won’t be here to salvage your wreckage. This is the last time.”

30. “You should have ruined me when you had the chance.”

31. “No one will keep your name alive. Once you’re gone, everything you once stood for disappears too.”

32. “Don’t pretend you haven’t thought about your life without me.”

33. “This is always how it ends.”

34. “Break my heart once more, I dare you.”

35. “Forget how you loved me once, I mean nothing now.”

36. “This isn’t Romeo and Juliet, this is real life and I can go on without you.”

37. “You don’t own me, I don’t belong to you.”

38. “I should’ve died. That would’ve made you happy.”

39. “Are we going to carry on like this or are you going to give him back to me.”

40. “She drowned and he lost his mind.”

41. “We shouldn’t. You’re married and I’m pregnant.”

42. “You’ve never been loved, I can tell.”

43. “Who told you I needed fixing and what made you believe them?”

44. “You’re almost as far-gone as I am.”

45. “Maybe it’s best that we don’t go home.”

46. “Roaming the streets was never safe for her. What makes you think it’s different for you?”

47. “I think you’re going to ruin me. Am I right?”

48. “Do you remember our last feud? I wouldn’t want someone to lose their life again, would you?”

49. “Kiss me quick and leave them be.”

50. “I hate seeing you so sad. It’s just so dramatic how humans show emotions and being sad is such a boring one.”

51. “Will you ever forget my number? No? Ah, because you still love me.”

52. “After the funeral, let’s surrender.”

53. “What made you think I cared for you?”

54. “It’ll be fun explaining this to your sister. I hope she likes horror stories.”

55. “Don’t act as if we’re friends. I know how much you want to slit my throat.”

56. “Let’s not get angry. Let’s calmly and sensibly take this outside so I can ruin your face.”

57. “Please ruin yourself for me and I’ll watch in adoration as I fall apart as well.

58. “We’re never going to have a happy ending, just remember that.”

59. “Everytime something goes well, I momentarily forget how much I despise you.”

60. “Don’t pretend like you’re not happy to see me like this.”

61. “There is nothing worse than seeing you get what you want.”

62. “Your mind must be a horrible place.”

63. “You can cut me, bruise me and skin me alive, but you will not take her from me.”

64. “How is it that we always end up in this predicament?”

65. “I want to wipe that grin of your face with my sword, but my mother taught me to play nicely.”

66. “Did anyone ever tell you how pathetic you are? It’s incredible how low my standards are for you.”

67. “Ah, well if you want them back alive, I suggest you lay down your own life.”

68. “Don’t be ‘smart’. The battlefield is no place for Math Scholars.”

69. “You shouldn’t have come. You can’t be-”

70. “Stop talking or tomorrow won’t come.”

71. “Hand me the gun and I’ll kill him myself.”

72. “I shouldn’t care for your life, but I’m starting to and it’s becoming an inconvenience.”

73. “If you live to see her, please send my best regards and this box of her father’s ashes.”

74. “It would’ve been nice to get to know you better, but I’m afraid I don’t care.”

75. “I can’t help but think you’re a terrible person.”

76. “Seeing your face has unconventionally made me want to die. I wasn’t quite prepared for this feeling.”

77. “You could have loved me, I’m quite good at seducing, but you’re actually vile.”

78. “I hope I see you in a bodybag sometime.”

79. “Let’s pretend you didn’t cheat on me with my sister and be good people for a few minutes.”

80. “We should probably stop talking forever.”

81. “If I hated you anymore, I think I’d probably be crowned as satan’s right-hand man.”

82. “To say I ‘tolerate you’ is a vast overstatement.”

83.

84. “This will be the last time you lie to me.”

85. “You know it’s not like that.”

86. “How could you think this wouldn’t hurt me?”

87. “You’re never going to be the same after this.”

88. “I just think it’d be best if we never met.”

89. “I can’t believe you would even think to leave me like this.”

90. “You never loved me, did you?”

91. “It didn’t have to be like this, but now you’ve ruined everything.”

92. “I hope you’re happy.”

93. “If you had have kept your mouth shut, then he’d still- he’d still be here!”

94. “What did you want once this was all through? Tell me!”

95. “Now I have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Thanks, it means a lot.”

96. “You could’ve- could’ve stayed. You could’ve helped me fix things.”

97. “I knew she’d never change, she was too stubborn, too similar to me.”

98. “This isn’t going to be fixed. You’ve ruined this for good now.”

99. “I hope I’m not put in the same part of hell as you.”

100. “When did you think you could hurt me again? Today? Tomorrow?”

101. “You’re back in my life and I want to die again.”

102. “You only ever brought me pain and I’m sick of it.

103. “I hope you got what you wanted.”

104. “You made me miserable and I still loved you.”

105. “When you die, I’ll be the first to dance on your grave.”

𝖱𝖨𝖦𝖧𝖳𝖥𝖴𝖫 ���𝖱𝖤𝖣𝖨𝖳𝖲 : @a-cure-for-writers-block 𝖮𝖭 𝖳𝖴𝖬𝖡𝖫𝖱 !

[shiishki]

okay wait, i changed my mind. you should answer all of these questions as well, if that's what you want from me >:)

oof there's a lot of it, that's what i get for wanting to be ✨aesthetic✨

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

vowels (and the importance of being me) - hunny

honeypie - jawny

pretty young thing - michael jackson

mirrors - justin timberlake

sunflower - red orange county

paradise - rude-a

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

a therapist.

ok someone else.. uhh,, my grand grandma because i only have scratches of memories but i dunno if that counts since she passed away...

*rummages through ancient scripts* uhh ok someone who isn't dead.. uhm,, tommie? yeah I'd like to meet them if i could meet anyone on earth

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

ok, the closest german, english or polish book? nvm i have english

"suddenly was. So I just said thank you a few times too, and Mum" ironically this is one of the normal lines in this book

4: What do you think about most?

the fact that I'll have to do something after school. and I don't know if i want to go to college or get a job bc i have no legitimate idea on what to do with my life. it gets overwhelming, just the lack of knowledge about the actual experience.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

Ok

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with, tho i sleep with just shorts in summer

7: What’s your strangest talent?

not sure if it's a talent, but i can fall asleep anywhere

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are pretty. boys are pretty

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

by me, yes. no one else has written a poem about me specifically. nvm, tommie wrote one and it shall rest on my wall, or desk, i need to find a place for it

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

uhh i think last month?

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

i don't think so, but i am hella afraid of the possibly gigantic, terrifying things in the ocean depths that humans haven't discovered yet

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

yep, beloved legos as a lil child

13: What’s your religion?

i can't ever remember the name, but i believe gods (from all religions) exist in some way or form. so i believe in different pantheons and etc.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

walking my doggo, skateboarding, thinking about how to make the lives of my characters worse

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind it.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

uhmm the arctic monkeys? or the strokes

17: What was the last lie you told?

i know what i want

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, the rule of three specifically

19: What does your URL mean?

i don't know. it's something me and my sis came up with and that's just my whole identity now.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

uhh greatest weakness.. i can't finish things. strength is that I'm very stubborn so maybe I'll finish that thing out of spite

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

i grew up thinking crushes were like unicorns. my ex was odd enough to argue with that i didn't love her if i didn't have a crush on her. but I think if i had to guess.. selena gomez, especially in the role of alex russo in wizard of weverly street

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i write angry letters. sometimes they're sad letters. i write a lot of letters. except i never send them out and no one made a movie about them :}

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

jars and witchy bottles, books? scented candles

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

phone calls are stressful enough as is, i don't need you to see my reading off what i frantically wrote to not stumble over my words

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

i think so, yes, but that won't stop me from becoming better

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate flies buzzing right by my ear, love cat purring

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I'd been born in a place where it was illegal for me (nonbinary) to live, in a time when others thought of me as a curse?

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

they be chilling.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right arm, doggo, left arm, pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

fresh air and doggo, because doggo is with me and I can't live without open windows

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

i dunno tbh

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

which one is less homophobic?

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

every gender is my opposite gender. selena gomez and justin timberlake

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to make it easier for people down the line

36: Define Art.

make thing, thing goes woo

37: Do you believe in luck?

yis

38: What’s the weather like right now?

it's nice actually, very sunny, slight breeze

39: What time is it?

12.59 am

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

i don't, but i once crashed into a fire department vehicle with my bike. bike ded.

41: What was the last book you read?

Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

i legit ass don't know what gasoline smells like.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

many variations of my name, aka. Luce

44: What was the last film you saw?

i think it was Robin Hood: King of Thieves, but it might have been that half of spider-man homecoming i managed to watch with my poor internet

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

oh man i dunno... it's not an injury, but i was very sickly as a lil kid and almost died :)

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

once, years ago

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

hmmm horizon zero dawn i think

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

proud pansexual ^^

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

not really, i don't think they're big enough to be actual rumors,, meh

50: Do you believe in magic?

yis

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

meh. they suck, i know they suck, that's it.

52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer ♋

53: Do you save money or spend it?

i attempt saving. attempt

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

for my own money, sweets. i bought lizards for my cats so they can brush their teeth from my dad's amazon acc

55: Love or lust?

luv

56: In a relationship?

nope, i buy my own cookies

57: How many relationships have you had?

1, kinda toxic toward the end, very stressful, don't recommend

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

nu ><

59: Where were you yesterday?

on the fields walking my doggo

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yep, a pastel pink hoodie in my closet uwu

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yis, thicc warm socks

62: What’s your favourite animal?

cats

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

cuddles and food.

64: Where is your best friend?

bold of you to assume i have a best friend.

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

tommie-hildebrandt, kageyuji, nekomas-kuroo, joyful-soul-collector

66: What is your heritage?

I'm a demon boi from Poland tho that's not a thing to be proud of, i mean, look at the economy. awful.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

sleeping, trying to sleep.

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

Pinkton. or Satan.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

this is such an odd combination of words i had to look it up. yea.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

a friend who won't laugh at me when i ask them to order smth for me because I'm too anxious to.

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

excuse me? i am saving the doggo wtf. f u boss, I'm gonna sell my tragic story to the news.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) i tell my parents. b) live the hell out of them uwu c) nope uwu.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

history maker - dean fujioka :]

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3332

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

communication, trust, some more communication.

77: How can I win your heart?

let's not pretend to be something else to please each other, and bring some bitter chocolate.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

maybe. it could. i don't have a say in it since my sanity is held by tape.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

eat the pizza. stop caring about others not liking me/parts of me. just living for myself uwu.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

uh i dunno how the american sizes work and i don't wanna look it up so, 39, 40 fits too.

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

demon boi

82: What is your favourite word?

socks.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the bloody organ that sits in your chest and pumps blood into your body so you don't die.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

uhm im not sure if that counts as a saying, but fake it till you make it

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

blinding lights - the weeknd

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

oh a normal question people use for ice breaking, sea blue and pastel variations of it.

87: What is your current desktop picture?

like my wallpaper? or the actual picture that sits on my desk? or how my desk looks like atm? it's ugly, a lot of papers and pens and schoolbooks.

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

donald trump. or the next asshole who'll try to take the rights of the lgbt and poc away

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

this. this is the question.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

yo there's a pizza somewhere in the refrigerator, want me to heat it up? we can have a sleep over and talk about our feelings :3

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

telekinesis! or shapeshifting! i could do such fun things with telekinesis ^^ yeah I'd totally eat some radioactive veggies

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

that time my "friends" got me into shoplifting, half-hour is more than enough to punch some sense into my brain and develop good music taste

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i save this one? i don't think i have an experience horrible enough to be erased haha

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

sleep as in.. uh no thank u. but I'm down for a sleep over with sam smith ^^

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

just me? what about my pets? my fam? it's lowkey illegal for me to go just anywhere without them owO

uhhmm, greece. imma become part of the greek pantheon out of pure spite. and maybe toronto canada.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not any that i know of o.o

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

i think i may have but i honestly don't remember

98: Ever been on a plane?

nope, i dunno if i like planes, but I'd probably sleep if i were on one.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

yeet.

[collectsfallenstars]

WARNING: Absolutely long post

IN DEFENSE OF KIM EUN SOOK'S "THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH"

The King: Eternal Monarch has been getting mixed reviews 10 episodes into the season and it has boggled my mind as to why this has been happening. It’s a grand project, has a robust storyline, beautiful cinematography the likes of which is done for full-length films, and has a love story between two adults who behave like adults and not in perpetual high school. It is very different from most Korean dramas I have come across, and that alone is reason enough to watch it.

 

Granted, I have not watched many of them so maybe I don’t really know what I’m talking about. But what I am sure of is that I get tired of things very easily when they’ve become predictable.

 

See, before watching The King: Eternal Monarch, the last Korean drama I watched was Something Happened in Bali back in 2004. Then coronavirus happened, billions of pesos were to the government but no mass-testing happened, ABS-CBN shut down, people speaking against the government were being put in jail, and I thought, hmm let’s go to Netflix to escape. K-dramas with beautiful autumn colors should do the trick.

 

I watched maybe one or two series in full but soon found myself giving up on the ones that came next. Watching them one after another made it clear that they were built like romance novels – no matter how different each premise was for a series, they always followed a pattern. And patterns, while they may be dependable, can sometimes be boring.

 

And then I decided to give The King: Eternal Monarch a try even though the binge-watching monster inside me disagreed with it. So there I was last week, Netflix open and a lunch of Sinigang na Baboy with rice laid out in front of me.

 

The series opened with a serene view of a bamboo forest, wind blowing gently through it, and the voice of a man talking about the legend of a bamboo flute back when monarchs ruled Korea. Oh, a historical series.

 

1 minute and 40 seconds later, it cuts to a man covered in blood, in a police interrogation room in modern day Korea. Oh, it’s also detective fiction. Gotta watch out for red herrings then. Oh but wait, the man covered in blood, Lee Lim, is supposed to be 70 years old but he doesn’t look a day over 30. I mean, yes Korean genes and skin care are magical but not to this extent. The idea of immortality is introduced which suggests that the series has supernatural elements too. This means world building for these magical elements and forming rules that govern them. (I mean, Bram Stoker and Anne Rice made their vampires perish under the sun and Stephanie Meyer chose to make them…sparkle.)

 

And then 4 minutes in, we get a flashback to winter of 1994 in the Kingdom of Corea. Uhm. Typo? No? Lee Lim, the bastard son of the former king, murders his half brother, the current king, in order to steal the bamboo flute that grants the owner much power. The king’s young son, 7 year old Lee Gon, witnesses his father’s murder, struggles with Lee Lim, splits the power laden bamboo flute in half, and nearly dies if it weren’t for a mysterious figure coming in to save him.  The mysterious figure drops an ID card with the name and picture of Lt. Jung Tae Eul on it and Lee Gon clutches it along with half of the bamboo flute. Lee Lim escapes to the forest with only a broken half of the bamboo flute. He comes upon a pair of obelisks, passes through it and lands in Korea with a K. Lee Lim comes face to face with the face of the person he had just murdered, except he isn’t a king anymore. He’s just an unkempt unemployed man. We now have the introduction of parallel worlds and doppelgangers. It had only been 18 minutes into the first episode.

 

I put it on pause, finished my lunch quickly, cleared the table, and settled down on the couch to watch. I did all that before resuming to watch it because it clearly wasn’t the kind of K-drama you could easily watch while eating, glancing up and down between the screen and your food, missing bits of the subtitle here and there and not paying any mind. Because of its structure, the kind of story it wants to tell and the breadth of its narrative, it demands your full attention.

 

I get why people find it difficult. I found it difficult. But it was infinitely exciting. It’s as if someone laid out a puzzle with a thousand pieces, a maze, Connect the Dots, Spot the Difference in front of me and told me to play with them all at the same time.

 

What kind of story did the writer, Kim Eun Sook, want to tell? She began with the murder of the parents of Lee Gon by his bastard uncle, Lee Lim, who feels he has been deprived of power for too long and intends to take it all for himself. It becomes a story of both sides seeking justice for their own separate tragedies. To flesh out this story, she has to give Lee Lim a plan for world domination and give Lee Gon a defense strategy in place, as well as an active pursuit to entrap his uncle. She has to give them motivations, conflicts, moments of doubt and triumph. If this were the only story she wanted to tell, a linear storyline with flashbacks and flash-forwards should be enough. Throw in a romance, love triangle, one final obstacle, 2 chaste kisses, 1 passionate kiss, 1 tearful kiss, 1 reunion kiss and you will arrive at your happy ending.

 

But Kim Eun Sook wanted to do more. She expanded Lee Lim’s plan for world domination into two parallel worlds. Adding science fiction to the mix complicates matters because you will have to build another world that is visibly different from the other even if they are parallel to each other. Audiences should be able to tell one apart from the other quickly in order to keep up with the story. The difficulty that The King: Eternal Monarch faces is that the Kingdom of Corea and the Republic of Korea look almost exactly alike. It takes almost a few seconds to recognize the Royal Seal, or the European inspired trams running in the background to ascertain that the scene is in the Kingdom of Corea. But once the characters appear, it becomes easier to tell which world we’re dealing with. Jung Tae Eul and the police force belong to Korea. The Royal Staff and family, Prime Minister Koo and cabinet members belong to Corea. The only ones to traverse between both worlds are Lee Gon and his uncle.

 

Therein lies one of the criticisms for Kim Eun Sook’s work – the pace is too slow. I would argue though that the pace is just right when you’re creating two worlds, with very different characters in each, whose stories run parallel to and interweave with each other. It is very easy to place all evil characters in World A and all good characters in World B. But that’s lazy writing, and also ugly.

 

Kim Eun Sook humanizes and fleshes out a significant amount of the supporting cast with such care, developing them alongside the major characters. Usually in dramas, the side characters will get hints of a back story in an episode or two, and then have just one episode dedicated to them. Kim Eun Sook did so much more and in effect, her two parallel worlds became so concrete, with real, moving characters contributing their bit into the two separate forces of Lee Gon and Lee Lim that are about to clash. It creates anticipation, excitement, and spreads your heart out amongst many characters instead of investing your emotions into just the main leads.

 

But aside from the science fiction element, Kim Eun Sook also takes on the task of writing detective fiction into her already robust narrative. Lee Lim is essentially building an army of doppelgangers from the Republic of Korea and planting them in key positions in the Kingdom of Corea. He then takes the dead bodies of these Corean citizens and dumps them in the Republic of Korea, leaving Lt. Jung Tae Eul and her squad in the police force with a trail of unsolved cases. Detective stories are by themselves difficult enough. You begin with a dead body, a search for clues, weeding out which clues are significant, chasing a lead, failing, planting and then ignoring red herrings, closing in on a suspect, interrogation, a surprise turn of events, and so on until the murder is solved.

 

But Lee Lim didn’t leave just one dead body in Korea. There’s an entire army of them and Jung Tae Eul has to be on the trail for some of them in order for her to work with Lee Gon in order to solve them and in turn, help him uncover his uncle’s evil plans.

 

This brings us to one of the major criticisms of this drama – the romance between Lt. Jung Tae Eul and King Lee Gon. Apparently, there’s not much of it as it has taken a backseat to the struggle for power in Corea by the Prime Minister, Lee Lim’s murderous spree and body switching between the two worlds in a bid for a two-world domination, and murder investigations that Jung Tae Eul and her squad must carry out in Korea.

 

Would I like to see more of the actors Lee Min Ho and Kim Go Eun on screen? Why, yes of course! But as early as the 1st episode, it was already apparent that this was not going to be the usual K-drama. They weren’t going to meet cute, fall in love, fight their feelings, work on a murder mystery on the side, finally confess, become a couple, fight the final boss side by side, and then live happily ever after. Fantasy, science fiction, and detective fiction all seem bear equal weight with romance. It was different, and I found that absolutely interesting. And just because romance doesn’t dominate 80% of the story does not mean that the romance is lacking.

 

The first episode tricks you into thinking that there is very little romance in this drama. The lead characters of Lt. Jung Tae Eul and King Lee Gon meeting each other for the first time in the last 6 minutes of an episode that was 1 hour, 12 minutes, and 15 seconds long. What can possibly develop and deepen in 6 minutes? Not much, right?

 

But what happened in the last 6 minutes? Lee Gon rides into Gwanghwamun Square on his white horse after having crossed over from Corea and into the parallel world of Korea. He creates a slight commotion what with his royal handsomeness and almost ethereal white horse. Lt. Jung Tae Eul reprimands him. Lee Gon recognizes her as the woman on the ID card his savior had left behind 25 years ago. And in dramatic fashion, he alights from his horse, walks towards her, stops, and then engulfs her in a tight hug. He tells her, “I’ve finally met you” and the episode ends with a shocked Jung Tae Eul in the arms of an almost reverent Lee Gon.

 

In Kim Eun Sook’s other, wildly popular work, Goblin: The Lonely and Great God the first meeting between Kim Shin and Eun Tak also had that moment of finally finding the one they’ve been searching for. But for the Goblin, his bride’s existence was merely functional, as he needed her so he can finally die in peace. So their first meeting was your typical first meeting in K-dramas. There were no feelings yet, but they develop from there. So the whole drama then became a stage to establish the growth of their relationship that would give him the will to live instead of dreaming of death all the time.

 

But now, in The King: Eternal Monarch, the first meeting isn’t an easy blank canvas.

Lee Gon bursts into the first episode, already halfway in love with Jung Tae Eul long before he’s even met her. As a child, Lee Gon had held on to Jung Tae Eul’s image as his a savior. There is deep gratitude.  As a young orphaned monarch, he held on to the idea of her to ease his loneliness. His first duty as a king was to bury his father and learned to cry only in the privacy of his own room when he was 7 years old. But somewhere out there, there was someone who had cared for enough for him to have saved him. This thought sustained him as he grew up.

 

And at this point in the first episode, we’re working with the idea that time travel hasn’t been introduced yet. Which means we’re treating time as a straight line, allowing Lee Gon and Jong Tae Eul to age at the same time. So if Jong Tae Eul had been 25 years old when Lee Gon was 7 in 1994, then she would be 50 years old and he would be 32 in the present year, 2019.

 

Then, as a man in his 30’s, he still keeps on searching for her. But in his head she is frozen in time as the 29 year old woman in her ID picture, and at this point he might possibly be half in love with her already. And when he finally meets her in the flesh, he had spent nearly all his life loving her in different iterations. Finding out that she hadn’t aged as he thought she would have gives him another possibility of loving her as a man would a woman.

 

Now the audience has to grapple with this idea, that he had loved her for 25 years already, prior to seeing her in the flesh. But then if you add the idea of time travel as hinted at by the 10th episode, then this first meeting becomes heavier. Not only would he have loved her for 25 years, but he also would have loved her for 25 years multiplied by the number of timelines he had crossed as a time traveller.

 

That’s why their first meeting had to happen in the last 6 minutes of the first episode. Everything that happened in that first hour and 6 minutes, all the murders, plotting, collision of worlds, and clash of doppelgangers in the past 25 years had to happen in order to bring Lee Gon and Jung Tae Eul to that fated meeting at Gwanghwamun Square. Kim Eun Sook had played with the idea of destiny with Goblin: The Lonely and Great God’s Kim Shin and Eun Tak. Now she takes the same idea of a fated meeting between two souls, Lee Gon and Jung Tae Eul, and proceeds to tear them apart with time loops, parallel worlds, and a frozen dimension to test how their love can endure all of that.

 

There can be no slow burn; there is no chase that starts with attraction, denial, bickering, jealousy, no you-make-me-worry-so-much love confession that is so often found in K-dramas. The lovers don’t even have that poor girl-rich boy/immortal-mortal or whatever uneven power dynamic that’s so popular in dramas. I guess that's what most people inevitably look for because these things were built to be formulaic.

 

But now you have a writer who is trying to build a bigger, more ambitious story, who is willing to take some risks with that formula in order to tell a love story that can transcend time and universes.  The stakes had to be raised higher, the backdrop made grander, in order to hold a love story as epic as this.   How can this not be romantic enough?

 

There are six more episodes left in this series.  Quarantine has been extended. Give this series a chance. 

[goldenpctals]

TRUTH BOOTH, clyde edition 

GENERAL QUESTIONS

1. Please state your full name: Clyde Ephraim Aarons  2. Does your name(s) have any kind of meaning? If so, what is it? I was named after Bonnie & Clyde. My parents were police officers at the time. And Ephraim means ‘being fruitful’. I’m not really sure why my parents gave me that speficic name 3. Do you have any nicknames? Not that I know of. Other than in bed.  4. Where were you born? And in which country? Holmes Chapel, United Kingdom 5. What is your date of birth? May 5, 1996  6. Of course, the following question; what is your Zodiac sign? My zodiac sign is Taurus 7. Do you believe in Zodiac signs? Not really. It does not make any sense to me?  8. Where do you live? Violet Springs, United Kingdom 9. What is your home situation like? (ex. do you live with your family? Your partner etc.?) I live together with my wife and dogs. We have our own apartment 10. Do you have any siblings? No, I’m an only child 11. Do you have any kind of allergies? I do not have any allergies  12. Do you own any pets? If so, what kind of pets are they? My wife has a couple of dogs 13. Why did you apply to St Jude’s? The reason why I applied is because I’d like to persue a career in performing and making music. I love standing infront of a crowd and sharing my passion and story with others, through songs  14. Did you had to go through a lot audition rounds? I was accepted after 1 round  15. What is the current course you’re following? Music. Focused on songwriting 16. If you can switch courses, which one would you switch to and why? Maybe acting? Acting would be pretty interesting?  17. What is your proudest project you’ve done? Fine Line. Especially Treat People With Kindness 18. What is the proudest project that someone’s else has done? Soraya’s latest album, Romance is one of my favorites. Or also Holy by Dallas, such a beautiful song and raw 19. Do you like FanCons? I absolutely love ‘em 20. What do you like about FanCons? Personal interactions with fans  21. What don’t you like about FanCons? Since there are so many of them, I’m not able to meet them all. So, it upsets me that some fans are not able to meet their idols  22. A fan memory that always stuck with you? Can be positive or negative. When I gave away tour tickets to some of the fans. An act of my love towards them  23. Your favorite event so far? I love all the events. The ones that are a bit weird to me are the ones where you have to switch partners? I’m very loyal and to me, it’s odd  24. What kind of event would you like to see in the future? More fundraising concerts 25. Would you recommend St Jude’s to friends, family. etc? Definitely! 

PERSONALITY QUESTIONS

26. What are your positive traits? Ambitious, steady and loving. I think? 27. What are you negative traits? I think that one of my negative traits that I can be over-protective in some kind of way 28. What would other people describe you as? Ask the others? I have no idea 29. What are your pet peeves? People who think that / I / talk slow 30. What makes you happy? Happiness  31. What makes you upset? Bringing up past experiences  32. What is something you love? Performing. Besides my wife, it’s my biggest love and I really don’t want to be do doing anything else 33. What is something you dislike? Disloyalty. Or being vague 34. What are you strengths? How much I’ve grown the last year? I’ve grown a lot and I consider myself strong in any kind of aspect  35. What are you weaknesses? Opening up too much and being scared that people will leave me. I’ve been left alone many times before  36. A misconception people often think of you? That I’m probably still a d*ck 37. Do you have any fears? Death scares me 38. What scares you the most? Death 39. What do you do to entertain yourself? Go for a jog or walk, write music, read a book 40. What is your MBTI? ENFP, I think?  41. How do you deal with stress? Talk to my wife about it. It helps a lot  42. Are you a determined person? Are you a stubborn person? Determind 43. Do you consider yourself selfish? When I have to, yes. It’s important to think about yourself, no matter what others think in that moment  44. Would you like to be different? No. I’m very happy with who I am now 45. Are you more introverted (focused on your inner world) or more extraverted (focused on other people and the outer world)? Extrovert 

ROMANCE QUESTIONS

46. What is your sexual orientation? I consider myself as pansexual 47. Current relationship status? I’m married to Poppy Murry, who is also now known as Aarons. We married in Hawaii in 2020. It’s a priveledge to be married to her  48. When was your first kiss? Probably around 12/13 49. Do you remember your first date? If so, with who was it? What did you do? No idea. Probably snuck out of the house and went to a party? For goodness sake.. 50. Have you ever experienced heart-break? I have  51. Have you ever been in love? (If yes, skip to question 53) I currently am, and yes I have 52. If no, how so? n/a 53. How do you know when you’re in love? When home becomes a person 54. What would be your ideal date? It would be old-fashioned. I love exploring new places and get to know other cultures more 55. What is your perspective on marriage? From a married man’s perspective, it’s wonderful. However, my advice is to not rush into marriage. Divorce is awful. Only marry when the both of you a one hunderd percent commited  56. (only for non-virgins) Are you a sub, dom or switch? Dom. Sometimes a switch 57. What do you think of relationships? When you find the right person, everything just clicks 58. What do you think of one-night stands? In my past, I used to see women a lot. However, now, I’m a loyal man. I don’t do that anymore 59. Are you still a virgin? No, I’m not 60. Most attractive trait in a different person? Be yourself. Don’t put up a facade just to impress someone. Be you 61. What matters most to you when it comes to a relationship? Commitment and equality. It’s important to, whenever you’re both have different views, to find a middle ground 62. Are you comfortable with PDA? Or would you be comfortable with PDA? I love to show off Poppy. So, yes, I’d say that I’m comfortable with PDA 63. Are you more of a type to be asked out or the type to ask the other out? I’d a charmeur, of course I’m the one who asks you out 64. How do you express love to the other? In music and loyalty. All of my feelings are expressed into my songs. I’m pretty much an open book, nowadays  65. Who is your celebrity crush? Jennifer Anniston

GETTING DEEP QUESTIONS

66. Do you regret anything? Yes, a lot 67. Is there something you woule like to re-do? So, start all over again? If I could rewind to my past and do things differently, I would. I have hurted a lot of people and thinking back to it, pains me. I’m sorry to all the ones that faced me and my troubled mind 68. What is something you would never share with anyone? What really happened on the night that my parents were taken from me 69. When was the last time you cried? Why did you cry? I’m not really a crier? If there is something on my mind, I don’t hold it back and I immediately go to my wife or father-in-law to talk about it 70. Most memorable event that happened in your time in St Judes? This could be anything: My time in One Direction is something I’m always grateful for 71. One thing you wish you could do all over? Once again, my past 72. Someone you miss? Elliot. He’s my best friend. I miss my pal 73. Something you wish you could forget? Anything that happened in my first couple of years of St Judes  74. Who has the biggest impact on you? Poppy 75. What is your perspective on love? Is it beautiful? Does it scare you? It used to scare me. But surrounding myself with positive people has helped me a lot  76. What has hurt you in the past that you don’t want others to go through? Losing a parent, or both of them  77. What is something you have gained, something you have lost and something you let go of during the past year? Something I gained? Confidence, happiness and success. Something that I have lost? Attitude. Something I let go of during the past year? Not to worry so much what people think 78. Have you ever lost a friend? do you wish you would still be friends? No 79. Do you have any triggers? What is the history behind these triggers and are they related to any disorders or mental illnesses? Not really. I used to struggle with a pain killer addiction a couple of years ago, and also had anger / violence issues. I went to therpay for this and it’s been years since I’ve ever become so angry.  80. If you could meet your 16 year old self, what would tell them? Well, little Clyde, this is the start of a huge journey for you. Life isn’t going into the direction the way you want it to go and along the way, you lose the two biggest loves of your lifes, your parents, who will be taken from you during a robbery. You are going to find yourself in a deep and dark place that you won’t be able to get out of. Drugs will numb you. Alcohol will help. However, there are people who really care about you and no matter what, you’re going to be ok

RANDOM QUESTION ROUND

81. Summer or Winter? Summer 82. Cats or dogs? Dogs 83. Beach or mountains? Both, I love both  84. Phone calls or texting? Texting  85. Have you ever skipped class? No

[therandomavenger]

Anger and Acceptance

I've been listening to the Halliwell book Delivered from Distraction which was a follow up to his Driven to Distraction which was my introduction to adhd. And let me tell you, fam, it is bringing up some memories. It's a guide to what we knew back in 2005 about adhd, as well as inspirational stories about people who have persevered.

Now, I wasn't diagnosed with adhd until I was 32. The fact that I functioned at all before that time was a miracle, because I could look back on my childhood and young adulthood and see the signs in myself.

I was constantly losing things. In third grade they started handing out lunch tickets, which had to be purchased ahead of time. No ticket, no lunch. My parents were always good about buying them for me but then came the crucial next step: I had to keep track of them. No ticket, no lunch. At least twice a week I would be holding up the class, making us late for lunch, because my lunch ticket would have vanished into the black hole that was my desk. Everybody would be standing there, impatient, thinking 'what an idiot' because I, a non neurotypical eight-year old had not been able to keep track of a piece of paper that was about the size of a playing card. I seemed to be the only one who had a problem with this. It even came up at a parent-teacher conference. Did anyone attempt to help me come up with a strategy for helping me keep track of my lunch tickets? Maybe intervene with some easy organizational strategies or reminded of where I should put it? Of course not, it was just constantly pointed out as a problem that I shouldn't be having and I of course internalized that, thinking I was just a bad person.

Things didn't go better as I got older. In fifth grade we were supposed to have memorized our multiplication tables. Now, I had trouble with math, but I'd learned my multiplication tables. I knew them. I couldn't do them fast, but I could do them. So, of course my fifth grade teacher, a grumpy old man named Mr. Southwood, started doing timed tests. We had five minutes to do 100 multiplication problems. Now, this was a nightmare for me. I knew my multiplication tables, but could not perform at that speed on demand. Plus, at the end of every test we had to call out our score verbally, which would then be recorded. This, of course, followed intense stress with humiliation. Sometimes I did ok on them, rising up to the 70s or 80s, often I was down in the 20s and 30s.

But there was hope. If you achieved a perfect score twice, you were exempted from taking them in the future. We did these like three times a week. Now, through some miracle of variable performance, one day I managed to achieve a perfect score. Everyone was shocked when I reported my score, but nobody checked it, which gave me an idea. The next test I got like a 70 or something but when we were reporting our scores I said I got 100, hoping I would be spared more of this torture.

Well five minutes later Mr. Southwood gave a real barnraiser of a speech, how there was nothing he could think of worse than a liar And how for no reason he could think of someone had lied about their score on the timed test. I have no idea how he knew I'd been lying, but it was obvious that I was the one he was talking about. So my name went on the board with the words "for lying" next to it and I had to stay after school.

Another time, also in fifth grade, we were given packets we were supposed to work our way through when we had downtime. I put mine in my desk and promptly forgot about it, of course. Did he remind us of them over the course of the next week? Of course not. I had no idea this time bomb was about to go off until it was time to turn them in, at which point I remembered the fucking packet and realized I had done none of it. Was he understanding? Of course not, he just made fun of me and said I was spending too much time reading.

When I became a teacher I remembered all of these things and how they'd made me feel. I was always on the lookout for the adhd kids, and I got along well with them when a lot of other teachers didn't. But I don't care who you are or what your problem is, there's never a reason to humiliate a student.

But it was the 80s and I'm my small town none had ever heard of adhd. I was diagnosed with the unhelpful label of " learning disabilities" and in fourth grade I was in a pull-out program where they helped me slow down my lightning fast brain so that I could at least write coherently. They tested my iq, and found it was high enough I should be performing better. But no one said adhd, though it was a diagnosis at the time.

It was probably because I was not as hyperactive as some. Though I was hyperactive. I could not sit still and was constantly moving to the degree that it annoyed my classmates. There's video footage of me racing around my aunt's backyard doing cartwheels a hundred times a second. So really, the educational professionals in my life should have realized something more specific than "learning disability" was up.

But I fell in love with reading, which helped. I could hyperfocus on books for hours at a time. And I discovered a love for writing stories, which gave me worlds of my own making to escape into when the heat of daily life grew too intense.

My own kids both had adhd, but my ex wife and I were always on top of it, or we tried to be. And the teachers in their lives mostly understood. There were some that gave us trouble, but I can only think of one teacher who actually tried to humiliate my son.

So remembering these things has made me so angry on behalf of the little boy who once inhabited this skin. These are far from the only instances too. I just want somebody to find him and say, 'you're not stupid your brain just

works differently.'

When I was 32 my daughter was diagnosed at the age of 5. The pediatrician told us to read Driven to Distraction, which we did. And let me tell you, fam, it was a revelation. I put the book down after some description of people who could not keep their cabinet doors closed to save their lives and looked at my then-wife and said, 'this explains my entire life' and she was like, 'you think?' So I immediately called the psychologist we'd been referred to and asked to be evaluated. He gave me many different types of tests and even had me assessed for allergies and diagnosed me, saying 'i wasn't sure about you until you took the TOVA (a computerized test measuring attention). Most people are between -2 and +1 with larger numbers meaning more intense attention problems. I was a +6.

So I've had to accept this about myself. I've come up with ways to achieve my goals, while letting go of some things. I can write, but only for about an hour. But I can write 1000 words in that hour which is a good enough pace. So I've accepted myself and learned to work with the brain I have. I could accomplish nothing without adderal, and don't get me started on people who claim you shouldn't take medication. If you have eye problems you wear glasses and nobody makes you feel bad about it. For me, adderal is just glasses for my brain.

So I am still angry on behalf of the kid I was and on behalf of all non neurotypical kids who are made to feel worthless by people who are supposed to be helping them. We know better these days, and we can do better.

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 234

Amber

Chris kisses my neck. "Trey a fucking dumbass."

"For doing what he should have been doing?" I snap.

"How is it going to help their relationship? I don't see nothing positive from this."

April comes up. "Both of you should be ashamed of yourself."

"Who? I don't have nothing to do with fucking Trey. He his own man."

"What are you talking about?" April snaps. "I find out from Joyce who not even here that you are expecting? Not even worth a bitch just to let you know there's something you don't know even though you in the next room."

"Ma?" Chris says standing up. "I told you in the kitchen about the drone."

She pushes him away. "You told me about a message in a bottle and how you have more confidence in your ability to be in a relationship."

"No, Ma. I said Amber confused me by not putting the message... okay maybe I changed the subject."

"Right... after you got a damn text message then started talking about your relationship."

Chris tries to hug her again. "You can be the first to see the ultrasound."

She snatches it from him as he takes it out of his phone case. He chuckles and comes back to the chair. I guess she was taking the picture. She comes back hugging me.

"We will talk later." April says in my ear then kiss my cheek. "Congratulations. Yes Chris I agree with you now."

"I thought you did before." He snaps.

She chuckles. "I lied."

He sucks his teeth. She walks away. This man is only upset for 2 seconds after she leaves. He turns around into my face.

"I feel obligated to get Trey and Cammie where we are in our relationship. I wish he didn't turn that phone in. We could have burned it together. He could have just given it to April. She is credible."

"Chris won't you go find them and see how they are handling it. Just stop talking about it."

He exhales. "Their shit is... I'm leaving out in the morning to do a show."

I grab his face. "I know."

"I want to marry you before the baby comes."

"MiMi and Devin's wedding, Trey and Cammie's anniversary, holidays then baby. No time."

He sucks his teeth. "If you really feeling me then we can go to Vegas tonight. Everybody here."

"If you really feeling me then I only plan on getting married once and I be dammed if it's at a tacky ass shotgun ass pussy rankin ass Elvis motel. Fuck out of here. You are Chris Brown. You fucking spending money on me the first time. So shut up. If I'm feeling you… Gotdamn, it fucking don't matter now cause I'm having your child. You fucking stuck, whether it be tomorrow or next year."

"Damn." Alex says leaning away from us. "Fuck all that shit."

Chris chuckles but doesn't say anything. I'm not telling him again why the wedding can't be sooner than planned. Now he has to wait 8 months. Still puts him at next year. I'm not rushing this anymore than what it already is. Something gonna be in my control. I push him off of me.

"You have nothing to say?"

"That's the surest I ever heard you talk about our future. I don't have shit to say."

Alex laughs. "Really? I always wondered if it's the power of pussy."

Chris looks at her. "What's your fucking problem? Why you always putting negative shit in the air? Nobody even talking to you."

"Oh, do you own me? Shit not free, huh?"

"Her voice fucking irritates me." Chris hisses.

"She does that on purpose." Jamaal says. "Irritate people to avoid connecting with people. It's what she does to her parents."

Chris nods. "And you listen to that shit?"

"You respond to it?" Jamaal shrugs.

"Okay."

"Fuck you, Jamaal." Alex says standing up and walking away.

I sigh and get up off of the chair. I don't feel like fucking fixing other people's shit. I've got my own fucking venting I want to do. Jamaal touches my arm stopping me from going after Alex.

He smiles softly. "I got it."

"Good cause she needs a man to fix her daddy issues." Chris says.

"I'm going to find something to eat that's not on a stick."

Chris sits up straight. "We can order something. I don't think we have anything."

"I'll find my own food, Chris." I say with a smile.

"Okay."

  Cammie

"Tremaine?"

"In here baby." Ma says. My mother.

I shake my head. What? I walk into her bedroom. Lane and Trey are stretched out on the floor sleep. Lane had a damn pacifier in his mouth. I take it out. He opens his eyes frowning at me. I stand up straight looking at him. He smiles at me then looks towards the bed at Mama.

"What's this game y'all playing?" I snap.

"He wants to be my baby instead of my big boy. He likes to keep games going. He might be good at acting. You should try it. Since he will be famous anyway."

I shrug a bit and get on the bed where Caden is. He opens his eyes then makes a pouting face. My baby is so damn fake. I leave him there then look towards my mother. She is standing in the closet stacking up folded clothes.

"I never thought about how much my family needed you in their lives." I say after Lane goes up to her and lays his head on her hip. "Why is Trey in here on the floor?"

"They were fighting over the pacifier." Ma giggles. "Ready to be grandma big boy?"

Lane hugs her thigh. "Yes."

She kneels down picking him up. "Oh boy, so heavy."

"What did you do with Shy's bad butt?"

"Her grandmother has her in Columbia until I get back." She rolls her eyes. "I have never been good at discipline. I should have spanked that girl's mama. Thank God for your sweet grandmother and her rules. I think you have a beautiful family."

Caden kicks his feet towards me trying his best to reach me. I stand up then notice that Ma already had stuff to change his diaper on the bed. I climb into the bed to get closer to him.

"I have been fighting like the plague trying to get this family."

"And get ready to fight more. Baby, there is nothing easy about a marriage to a public figure. You have to remind them that they normal. Your husband don't know his mouth from his hand."

I shrug. "I guess."

"I didn't care for him before I came this week. I should have been talked with him." She says lying Lane on the bed. He was sleep again. "He cares so much about you."

"It's easy to forget that."

She sits on the bed. "He thinks I made you pick Chemistry. Cammie you know I wanted nothing more than for you to get a degree that would set you apart from most women. You were already good at dancing. You didn't need school for that."

"Yeah, I know."

"Then why do you have these people thinking I never supported you?"

I shrug. I continue changing Caden's diaper.

"You know I was at every ballot recital. Ready with my needle and thread because your chubby butt was gonna bust out of that tutu."

"Yeah."

"You know I'm a classical music lover. All that sexy booty shaking hip hop."

"Cause you don't know how to shake nothing."

She chuckles a bit. "Your daddy loved calling me white girl. I can't help I wasn't exposed to it until college. Then I went too far too fast."

"In college?" I ask looking at her.

"You are grown now so I can tell you. My friend Janette had me wide open. One night I woke up in the school mascot uniform. You know it was the 70s early 80s. Drugs, sex, and no care. I feel like if I hadn't met your father I wouldn't have known who Chubby's father was. My judgement sober had started to shift to who cares. I had to change gears. Go back to how I was raised."

I just look at her. She chuckles a bit taking Lane's pants off.

"Sometimes things take you away from who you are." She says like she lost in thought. The conversation dies. Or I thought it did. She looks at me. "You liked your stepfather. He never tried to touch you or anything did he?"

I make my eyes big. "No."

She blows. "I didn't think so. He really does love you and Chubby. I should call him Rollie. Anyway, he loves you and Rollie. Only if it's because he loves me. He does like to be included. He loved fighting with you, probably misses it. At least you two had some interaction."

I start crying. She doesn't notice at first until I try to hold it in. It doesn't work at all. I never thought about whether or not me being distant cause them to be sad. I didn't think they cared. I thought they would be happy not to have to worry about me. I don't know where any of those ideas came from.

"I didn't mean to make you cry, Baby. I don't know." She says putting her hand on my leg. "I don't know anything unless you tell me. I'm not supermom. I'm a bit self absorbed and... spoiled as Kenny would say. Again I was raised that way. It's hard to correct things as an adult. Most times I just don't want to. You know?"

I jump. Someone had touched my back. It was Trey. He sits down on the bed then reach around me and put Caden's diaper on. I had abandoned everything with my tears. I don't remember the last time my mother and I talked. I don't even know who this is talking to me. She never talked so much shit about herself. Took blame for being caught up in her own shit.

"I feel you on that. Being a responsible adult is stressful." Trey says. "Jayla?"

I just look at him. He nods his head. I don't know what he talking about. Caden starts crying like Trey had done something to him. Trey gently calms him down. Trey was actually the distraction in this conversation. Now I don't feel like crying.

"Tremaine?" I blow. "I shouldn't have let everyone think my mother was this witch that ruined my dream."

"Yeah." Trey says like he suddenly remembered. "I found that out myself."

Ma chuckles a bit. "All of those times we forced her out of the car was not to punish her."

"What was it for Mom?" I snap.

"I never... you wouldn't tell me." She says. "Lonnie finally just said let her transfer closer. If it means she will get out of this car when we drop her off. You were just fine catching the bus then it slowly got harder."

Trey looks at me. "When did you try to find out? On the way to drop her off? With Lonnie?"

"Most times I was at the church and she was with her grandmother until it was time to take her back. Really the only time we had."

"That's where the story came from. You didn't have time. You were asking about something personal in public."

"In public? It was..." she covers her mouth. "Something happened at school? I asked you when we were alone? I tried to find out... Was it when you were in the hospital? You told me you passed out from drinking. How was I supposed to put it together that something more serious happened? Gotdamn it Jayla. You know if I knew anything happened to you I would have turned that college upside down." She stands up then she puts her hands on her hips. "Jayla, what happened?"

I shake my head.

Trey sighs. "Jayla no. You can't shut down again, Baby."

"I didn't want it to be a big deal."

"You didn't want it at all, Jayla." Trey says putting Caden in my arms. "You would want to know if someone hurt your child. She wants to know if someone hurt her child."

Ma spins around the room. "I knew it was that damn Rashad. So arrogant and ready for the world to kiss his ass."

"It wasn't him." I say rocking Caden. "His friends drugged me."

"Nothing they haven't done in the past. You weren't the first girl he ever had around his friends. What were their names?"

I furrow my eyebrows at her. "No. Why? It doesn't matter, Ma."

She blows. "I feel like I need to do something."

"Well run down the beach screaming." I say wiping my face. "It's been years. I don't want my name in nothing."

"I will walk fast very angrily down the beach. Punch a few sand dunes." She says grabbing her phone and walking out.

I sit there stuck. What just happened? I feel numb. I don't feel like nothing. It seems as though that went completely wrong. Nothing like I imagined. Why does she feel like she need to do something? Would that something not be to just hug me? Or try to... I don't know but it's awkward now. Sitting here. Frozen. Going down memory lane. Alone. Again.

[bookishbea]

Black Friday Reaction

Okay so I’ll be live tweeting Black Friday but none of it will have any sense to it but it’ll just be my reactions

1. The Paul thing is really bothering me

2. I really love the mention of the other characters

3. If Jane is mention is the story about the mom mentioned some more

4. Is the delivery man ted (cause he’s also a sleazeball

5. It’s weird seeing Cory not play a pure bean

6. I love California MIA

7. The little sister (Im sorry I’m bad at names) I self project as autistic and she something else idk

8. Did anyone else noticed Robert’s Australian accent come out?

9. Like I said this is out of order so yeah but I personally think the second song in the show was very shocking as I’m not used to very serious starkid songs

10. When Robert gestures smoking i think its lowkey a refrence to the smoke club

11. I have a crush on lex

12. I love Lauren’s charecter so much

13. I love the name linda becuase it could be like a karen without using that name

14. Not to get poltical but i choose to belive they made an antivax joke

15. Also the marvel nerd in me loves the name becky barnes

16. I know its probaly not on purpose but joeys charecters costume in line looks like the homeless guy’s one

17. Jaimey is great as always

18. The conversation is so cringe i love it

19. I kinda hope torture porn is a fanfic refrence (i know most people would want me to say spies are forever but nope)

20. I love Lauren but shouldnt her accent be included when she sings

21. I love Jeff’s reaction

22. I may get some hate for this but what was bothering me in tgwdlm and i notice in starkid is lack of fan comments in the captions

23. As a theatre fan i love the toy zone song (i am not sure if thats the right name) espcially the do wop becuase it reminds me of older musicals

24. Also since i watched tgwdlm and black friday a day apart its weird to come from songs happening because they are infected to songs happening cause its a musical

25. i love the love the line we are not relaibly to anyone who dies becuase they clearly show in the trailer that someone will die (this is not a spoiler if you watch the trailer for Black Friday)

26. I love Corey but when he dances i notice a bulge (i am not a perv he makes it very obvious)

27. So i rewinded it to make sure i wanst going crazy and realized something as lex says the pepper spray line. She would be good as janis ian

28. I love the touch money part its so cute even if its not supposed to be

29. Jaime plays a perv really well

30. I love Jon’s charecter its hilarious

31. Also i love jon and lauren interactions so it was cool seeing them together not as paul and emma

32. I love seeing more of Jon because although hes reaally good at playing paul paul doesnt have any flavor and its cool seeing jon do something diffrent

33. Jeff’s fuck you

34. Okay I was right it was the homeless guy and i bet the money is paul’s money

35. And this is not a sterotpye as i am jewish myself but i bet Laurens charecter is jewish

36. Its sad that the price thing is true

37. So i am a theatre fan and do not watch got but that music kinda reminds me of got

38. Cant tell if jeff’s charecter is gay and a perv or just a perv (i realzie this could be mmisinterpreted as homophobic i just mean to say that jamie’s charecter just seems like a full out perv where as i cant tell with jeff’s)

39. Obviously you shouldnt be that insane but i do like the lines about how you are in charge of life and dont care about what others think. its goood life advice

39. Looks like Paul’s boss got his wish

40. They are all idiots for holding up the doll when everyone wants to get it

41. Corey’s charecter is like shit, money isnt that imporant

42. Becky why are you a part of this you have moral high ground (yes i am ignorning the fact that cast usually join in dance numbers even if their charecter isnt a part of it)

43. Shouldnt tom get ptsd (see above)

44. Lex you already have one (see above)

45. So i may be overthinking things but how curt says never should settle is in the tune of spies are forever

46. Is it just me or did anyone else notice when the security guard comes in the tune of show me your hands comes in

47. I dont know why but i do love soft bullies because hes like hey im punching you but only for the kid

48. Some may say its schizo or something hannah has but its anxiery or something from how shes expressing it

49. I feel like hannah has a superpower and can tell whats happening

50. Maybe webby is actually wiggly

51. Baby (both hannah and robert)

52. Please tell me my babies not dead

53. Jon’s eee is adorable and silly

54. Wait hes alive

55. Wait no hes dead, im sad liek starkid is supposed to be fun and happy this is the darkest star kid yet. Even oregon deaths were silly

56. I love starkid but this is making me anxious i cant tell if its good anxious or bad anxious

57. Also i relate to the black and white thing not fully but liek whenever i dont feel well sometimes my brain is overstimulating but only in my head its very hard to explain 

58. Also i think sometimes kids on the spectrum and im not an expert but i do have it kind of make a friend in their head and i do that too sometimes just to give me advice

59. Also i hope they dont get rid of the black and white as sometimes people go more crazy without the figurative voice in their head

60. Like i said this is going to be random order so i like that emma adopted paul;s Okay and no im not making a tfios refrence

61. Poor Tim

62. Poor becky but even less

63. i thought they were supposed to be mad at g-d but in this and tgwdlm they like g-d

64. I cant tell the other pins on joey’s jacket but the first two i notice are mr wiggly and paul

65. I love Lauren’s acting you can see the very sublte sadness in her

66. Lauren and Joey together ahhhh

67. I know its probaly not a big deal but they should give a seziure warning before the tv scene

68. Did they reuse curts spies are forever outfit

69. Really starkid the obama refrence seriously, i cant tell if im mad or laughing 

70. How did Bob get one

71. I do realize they are talking irl but i cant help but wonder if the nazis were a spies are forever refrence

72. Does wiggly have a special power or something 

73. I think its similar to the metero the closer you are the more power it has over you

74. The starkid special effects we all know and love

75. Also is that mcnamara

76. Also maybe shooting it (the doll) does the same thing that shooting the affceted does. Give them no power

77. I cant tell what the music reminds me of exactly but the tune does kinda refrence a diffrent star kid song

78. Jeff looks so proud of himself for the peeps line

79. I love the purposeful i presume reuse of lines

80. Is peip like men in black

81. Also hatchetfield kind of reminds me of night vale

82. Is the black and white like the upside down?

83. I wonder if the point was purposeful since someone was filming or just choreographed

84. Yes Jon Singing!!!!!

85. I love the act two opener

86. Did his parents really name him christmas?!?

87. Oh hes literally related to santa

88. I love lauren and joey as eleves

89. Noel another christmas name

90. Isnt the little dance move like a genie move or something

91. Its so cute that she insitincitvely went to their seats

92. Also carving is goals

93. Even though its a penis its still goals

94. I know what you are, say it, santa clause

95. Tom dont yell at your girl

96. Poor Tom

97. But also dont make this about you

98. They probaly werent the head of the school since they were nice, i am sorry but thats true

99. Yass girl fight his ass

100. Also the theatre kid in me is picturing all that jazz

101. he ran into my knife he ran into my knife ten times

102. Yes Becky’s husband (i forget the name sue me) is bad but i feel like becky is more sinister then we realize

103. Becky’s line even if it isnt meant to be is so funny

104. The girl who plays Becky could play Barbara

105. I love how Joey and Lauren look into the camera

106. Jamie saying santa awww such a pure bean

107. The person in the wiggly onsie is goals

108. Matrix glasses for the win

109. Is wilbur a refrence to Charelots Web?

110. Its a cult a cult of wiggly

111. I feel like Sherman young is around 30-40

112. I love how its mommy to sound less pervy

113. Oh wait never mind Linda is mom

114. Shit thats fucked up they killed him

115. I am right a jew no non jew says mensch

116. To quote jared klienman kinky (shoe kiss scene)

117. Also i love this song the adore song

118. Why does them picking up Lauren give me Draco vibes

119. Wait he isnt dead?? im so confused

120. Wait he is dead???

121. Also ethan is creepy now

122. But Roberts expressions are goals

123. Robert your proffesor hidgens is showing

124. What the how does he know her name

125. Savage Wiggly

126. Wiggly is more funny than scary

127. But my poor baby dont be scared

128. What the fuck tom

129. Also poor baby number two

130. At first you think becky is made about him hurting a child but no its about the doll

131. What the fuck Becky

132. Also I wonder if thats the same serum that Hidgens used

133. Tom yelling at the audince is hilarious

134. Also Becky singing is giving me little shop vibes

135. Becky are you drunk or something you so stupid

136. But yayy my baby doesnt get hurt

137. More starkid special effects

138. Also the lighting nod to tgwdlm

139. Also why did they take my baby (see i told you random)

140. So the perv is wiggly

141. Also if he can appear in regular formation on earth why does he need to be the doll

142. Oh wait never mind he explains it

143. Joey talking to the audience and making them hold the apple is goals

144. I love Joey’s song

145. MIA = Missing in Action = Made in America

146. Wait im wrong Joey cant be Wiggly unless he has super powers he cant be in two places at once

147. I know they dont mean sex but still wtf

148. Lauren looks so done i cant

149. Seziure warning after mr presidnet leaves the black and white

150. Unless it was purposeful they should have hidden the dolls better backstage

151. Wait didnt hannah say something about two doors earlier?

152. Seriously Sherman ponies

153. I love the going back line

154. My poor baby lex

155. No Lex dont die not you too

156. Haha throwback to tgwdlm

157. Yes baby you got the gun

158. Also die perv die

159. Eagle screeching is goals

160. Yes lex use that logic

161. Also it makes sense only the adults can be brainwashed

162. There were only adults no children, scary (not sarcastic i promise)

163. Seriously starkid Fortnight

164. Thats why you should never fully grow up

165. Woah what Lex says is deep

166. Yessss Tom

167. Wait Tom dont hold the gun

168. Wait is Charolette alive or just a reuse of costume, if so why would they have jaimie wear it

169. No dont take her magic hat

170. Haha stupid hats cant be magic only dolls obviously

171. Does lauren say something like fucking knife in another show too?

172. Lauren screaming gives me my father will hear about this vibes

173. Also give my baby her hat back

174. Yass Lauren get it girl (i do realize shes playing the villian but still)

175. Yass Robert get it

176. Even though shes a viilain i dont like seeing Lauren get killed

177. But also how did they get the bullet wound on her so quick im impressed

178. Haha the way Gary stops everything to talk to gerald is goals

179. Like hes like oh shit money

180. And then hes like oh wait i have to pretend to care

181. I love how exagerated their dying is

182. Thats an impressive quick change

183. Yess Emma Hidgens

184. But also no hell fuck up again

185. Also Paul interupting is goals

186. Haha hannah you go girl

187. First off I love the song

188. Song off Hannah’s voice

189. Is paul scared normal or because of the hive

190. Wait all the tgwdlm charecters are back like nothing happened im confused

191. Haha the Hatchfield band is back

[isrustandstardust]

1: Full name: Selena.

2: Zodiac sign: Scorpio.

3: 3 Fears: Abandonment. Not being good enough. Being lied to.

4: 3 things I love: Bones. Corpses. Books.

5: 4 turns on: Intelligence. Perversions. Sarcasm. Violence.

6: 4 turns off: Stupidity. Ignorance. Lack of hygiene. High pitched voices.

7: My best friend: Is the best bitch ever.

8: Sexual orientation: Bisex.

9: My best first date: A dinner and a walk by the lake.

10: How tall am I: 165 cm.

11: What do I miss: Woland, sometimes.

12: What time were I born: 3.45 a.m.

13: Favourite color: Teal.

14: Do I have a crush: Yup.

15: Favourite quote: So it goes.

16: Favourite place: Como.

17: Favourite food: Red meat, raw.

18: Do I use sarcasm: Way too much.

19: What am I listening to right now: I’m watching ‘my 600lb life’ on tv.

20: First thing I notice in new person: If he looks me in the eyes or not.

21: Shoe size: 38/39.

22: Eye color: Reddish brown.

23: Hair color: Chocolate.

24: Favourite style of clothing: Urban/edgy/grunge.

25: Ever done a prank call? When I was little.

26: What colour of underwear I'm wearing now? Black.

27: Meaning behind my URL: It’s a Nabokov’s quote.

28: Favourite movies: The Fountain, In the mood for love, Bin Jip, The pillow book, Only lovers left alive, Stoker.

29: Favourite song: Too hard to say.

30: Favourite band: Same. Maybe Tool.

31: How I feel right now: Relaxed.

32: Someone I love: My hubby.

33: My current relationship status: Happily married.

34: My relationship with my parents: No relationship with my mother, a distant one with my father.

35: Favourite holiday: Christmas.

36: Tattoos and piercing I have: 15 tattoos, no piercings atm.

37: Tattoos and piercing I want: I want to do some surfaces again and I want to ink both my arms. Full sleeves.

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: I wanted a safe space to write.

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? No, we just have no relationship whatsoever.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? When my husband is on tour.

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Yup.

42: When did I last hold hands? A few hours ago.

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes.

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope, I don’t need it.

45: Where am I right now? On the couch.

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? My husband, my friends.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Way too loud!

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? No. I live by myself since I was 18.

49: Am I excited for anything? In a few days I’ll begin renovating my home!

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Sure.

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Daily.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Today.

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? That could be a problem.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? No, I’m very careful when it comes to trust people.

55: What is something I disliked about today? My stomach aching like crazy.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? I’d love to have a chat with Jodorowsky.

57: What do I think about most? Work, work, work.

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can fit my whole fist in my mouth.

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Deep water, strange fishes.

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind, I’m a director, not an actress.

61: What was the last lie I told? I’m not hungry.

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Texting.

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I believe in aliens, I’m fairly sure that something similar to ghost actually exist.

64: Do I believe in magic? Kinda.

65: Do I believe in luck? Yup.

66: What's the weather like right now? Fucking cold.

67: What was the last book I've read? A criminology book.

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? A lot.

69: Do I have any nicknames? MissFortune, Sally.

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? Never had one.

71: Do I spend money or save it? Save it. I know what it means to have nothing. At all. I don’t want to find myself in that situation ever again.

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? Nope.

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? Nope. I don’t like pink very much.

74: Favourite animal? Snakes, moths.

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Still working.

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I know his name is Woland.

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Do you realize - the flaming lips.

78: How can you win my heart? Be kind, be honest.

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I don’t want a tombstone, I want to be cremated.

80: What is my favorite word? Weltschmerz.

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr. No idea tbh.

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? Read a book, study something, stop being stupid.

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Nope.

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Mind control.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? When was the last time you ate?

86: What is my current desktop picture? Mass Effect’s reapers attacking earth.

87: Had sex? Two days ago.

88: Bought condoms? A few years ago.

89: Gotten pregnant? Never.

90: Failed a class? Never.

91: Kissed a boy? A man. A few minutes ago.

92: Kissed a girl? Cannot recall.

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Yup.

94: Had job? Of course.

95: Left the house without my wallet? Maybe.

96: Bullied someone on the internet? Nope, been bullied tho.

97: Had sex in public? Yep.

98: Played on a sports team? Nope.

99: Smoked weed? Yes.

100: Did drugs? Three times.

101: Smoked cigarettes? Yup.

102: Drank alcohol? Of course.

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? Nope, been vegan for a year but my health went to hell.

104: Been overweight? I was a little chubby when I was little.

105: Been underweight? Almost all my adult life.

106: Been to a wedding? Sure.

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Daily.

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? Yup. I love binge watching things.

109: Been outside my home country? Sure.

110: Gotten my heart broken? Once.

111: Been to a professional sports game? No.

112: Broken a bone? Never.

113: Cut myself? I self harmed for years. Been clean for the past four and a half.

114: Been to prom? No.

115: Been in airplane? Yup.

116: Fly by helicopter? No, but I’d love to.

117: What concerts have I been to? Slayeeeeeeer! This is the first that comes to mind.

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Of course.

119: Learned another language? Yup.

120: Wore make up? Daily.

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Nope.

122: Had oral sex? Sure.

123: Dyed my hair? The last time I went blonde for my wedding, almost three years ago.

124: Voted in a presidential election? I voted, here in Italy, for every election.

125: Rode in an ambulance? Sadly, yes.

126: Had a surgery? Nope.

127: Met someone famous? More or less.

128: Stalked someone on a social network? A few times.

129: Peed outside? Yup.

130: Been fishing? I actually enjoy it a lot.

131: Helped with charity? Not that I recall.

132: Been rejected by a crush? Not in a while.

133: Broken a mirror? Nope.

134: What do I want for birthday? Being spoiled.

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? One. Nero if he’s a boy, Alya if she’s a girl.

136: Was I named after anyone? After a book character.

137: Do I like my handwriting? It’s not bad.

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? I didn’t have one. Maybe my art supplies.

139: Favourite Tv Show? Atm: Supersized vs Superskinny.

140: Where do I want to live when older? Iceland.

141: Play any musical instrument? I’m learning to play drums.

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? Almost all my scars are from self harming.

143: Favourite pizza toping? Cheeeeeeeeeese!

144: Am I afraid of the dark? Nope. I feel at home in it.

145: Am I afraid of heights? A lot.

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Doing something bad, surely.

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Sometimes.

148: What I'm really bad at: Bowling.

149: What my greatest achievments are: I earn my own living since I was 18.

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: That I should never been born, I guess.

151: What I'd do if I won in a lottery: Sell my house and go live abroad.

152: What do I like about myself: My willpower.

153: My closest Tumblr friend: I don’t have one.

154: Something I fantasise about: My future.

155: Any question I’d like: I have no preferences, ask away.

[gh0stbird]

Okay Now Do The Rest

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Bright but argumentative. I was never afraid of pointing out things I didn’t feel were fair hfhddh

When we were learning numbers kids would often write 91 for nineteen, just flip them, y’know, and Ms. Potter yelled at the class for it. Baby Generiq went into it about how it was an understandable mix up because you do say the number first. In twenty-three you write the two first, so in nineteen it’s easy to assume you would write the nine first.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Tired.

8. movies or tv shows?

TV shows. Every book adaptation should also be a series not a movie. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Honeysuckle and sunshine

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Floor hockey! My friend and I used to be brutal and swing at each other’s shins going after the ball. Also it was reminiscent of golf, which I competed in.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I have an untitled playlist I cycle my current music in and out of, but Newton’s Third Law is my favorite named one!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

I don’t- I guess the yellow smarties. Don’t come for me they taste like lemonade.

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I assume this means assigned book and not the reports we got to pick for ourselves. Ah, Night was good. Lord of the Flies was fine but way overhyped. Again, don’t come for me.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

If I can tuck my legs into the chair I am sitting in that is ideal!

18. ideal weather?

When you know it is going to rain and you get to stay home

19. sleeping position? (Skipped on accident)

I reeeally like pressure, so either against something or on my stomach.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone notes and a notebook! Sometimes a blank document but I always find it strangely intimidating

21. obsession from childhood?

Warrior Cats, Percy Jackson, and Maximum Ride were my big three!

22. role model?

Aa I try to straw from people I want to copy, but there are talents I look up to. Rachel Chavkin is a brilliant director, and there are so many artists and authors I look up to and who inspire me.

24. favorite crystal?

Obsidian because it’s black like my hea- I’m kidding, I do love obsidian, but it’s Rose Quartz because it’s a very very pretty, soft pink and makes me happy.

25. first song you remember hearing?

The mobile above my crib played Imagine by John Lennon. My childhood room was themed after it as well!

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Swim or sit in the sunshine. Ben and I usually go driving with the top down as well.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Walking through fresh snow is amazing, so are snowball fights and building snowmen.

28. five songs to describe you?

Oh fuck yes

Hurricane - Hamilton

The Reckless and the Brave - All Time Low

Almost There - The Princess and the Frog

All This and Heaven Too - Florence + the Machine

Facade - Jekyll and Hyde: A Gothic Musical Thriller

30. places that you find sacred?

I don’t typically find places sacred, but certain headspaces are very special to me, and time spent with loved ones means more than enough to be considered sacred.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

A black blazer with a white button-down and a skirt.

32. top five favorite vines?

I am in Missouri (misery)

I love you, Bitch

I want a Church girl

Obama’s “I know because I won both of them”

I won’t hesitate, Bitch!

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“No worries”

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

That fucking PFI bandana boot sale I stg

35. average time you fall asleep?

Somewhere between 9:00 and three in the morning

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Some girl doing bunny ears on her friend. I don’t remember what the caption was

38. lemonade or tea?

Both. Mixed together. It’s called an Arnold Palmer and it is my favorite drink

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

We duck taped out principal to the wall once. Also some kid broke their tray over another kid’s head at lunch one time.

41. last person you texted?

The family group chat, though Beau if Discord counts

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I wear a lot of leggings so jacket pockets!

44. favorite scent for soap?

We had some Lily of the Valley hand soap that was amazing

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy, I think! I’ve never done super heavy into the other two. Though I definitely don’t want to ignore sci-fi because two of my favorite stories are a little science-fiction-y

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

A t-shirt and shorts

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

A banana. Generally accepted as a fruit and kind of just rolls with it, but is actually a berry

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

I fucking hate Hamilton-ing on main, but

“And when my prayers to god were met with indifference, I picked up a pen, I wrote my own deliverance!”

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

That changes every time Beau and I play HetaOni together, but I have fucking lost it for at least five minutes the last two sessions.

51. current stresses?

I dunno, man, life? My hair could use a wash

52. favorite font?

Covered by your Grace and I’m a big Spectral baby. These are both google docs! I don’t know if that makes a difference.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Patience is important when teaching material, but never be afraid to find another approach better suited to the person you’re tutoring.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Robin Hood!

56. favorite tradition?

My family does homemade Springfield cashew chicken for Christmas!

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhh lots of self-acceptance shit no one really wants to read

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I can pop the joint at the center of my foot

That’s all

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

I sort of like my role as mom friend, so maybe I could keep that role in a sort of action-based anime that followed a group of friends

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“I am not the protégé to waste your time on; I'm complete!” Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

62. seven characters you relate to?

Haha

Lisa Carew - Jekyll and Hyde: GMT

Japan - Hetalia/Oni

Garnett - Steven Universe

Hfhddh that’s all I can say that aren’t my own characters

63. five songs that would play in your club?

I Don’t Like Clubs, but

Overwhelmed - Royal + The Serpent

Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

Go Big or Go Home - American Authors

The Nights - Avicii

Tempo - Lizzo

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Webkinz!

65. any permanent scars?

Yep - One from a bad bike wreck. My body rejected the dissolvable stitches so it’s a lot bigger than it was supposed to be

66. favorite flower(s)?

Lily of the Valley, daisies, Day Lilies, and Dandelions! I also love honeysuckles but I don’t know if those count.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Accidentally drank rancid milk once!

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? (Haha, nice)

The fastest, free way to fill up your potions on Wizard101 is to play Potion Motion to level three.

70. left or right handed?

Right handed

71. least favorite pattern?

On myself, animal print

72. worst subject?

I’ve never been intuitively good at History, I do think it’s interesting though.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

I don’t like to take it until I can’t move without it.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

Kindergarten? I had mono and then scarlet fever twice, so my baby teeth were pretty much ruined and they all fell out very fast.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Curly fries!

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Kalanchoe’s, it literally Window’s Thrill. These babies are fairly temperamental outside and love partial sun, so the window is the perfect spot for them. And! If you keep them happy! They’ll bloom! My personal favorite is the pink bloom.

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

What’s wrong with coffee from a gas station? Also I don’t like seafood.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones!

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Lightning bugs

82. pc or console?

PC!

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts - talk radios actually tend to get under my skin for n o reason

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, but let it be known I was brutal with mine. We did human sacrifices and the like.

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology!

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies, but I’m a slut for whipped frosting

87. your greatest fear?

Losing control!

88. your greatest wish?

A life beyond where I am now. Haha Stop chasing new down the hallway you’re so sexy haha

90. luckiest mistake?

Logged into Omegle in like 2015 and some rando asked me to join their Doctor Who roleplay. Luckiest moment of my gd life.

91. boxes or bags?

Bags! They’re easier to store

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight! But in the late afternoon when everything is bathed in orange.

93. nicknames?

Mom is the most prevalent!

94. favorite season?

Fall into winter. Peak leaf crunch!

95. favorite app on your phone?

Discord or Notes

[binkysteebnpewter]

All 85 of em

I despise you a little

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Not to me, really. I value someone’s outlook on life and attitude more than something that will continually change as we age.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Yes. I believe so, personally. I won’t date if I can’t see myself planning to marry her in the future. I’ve stated it before, but Home is what I want to find in life. Home is a person, to me. Home is someone I feel safe and loved by, respected on equal ground— someone who can be completely comfortable and themselves with me, and vice versa.

3. Are you a virgin?

No, but it wasn’t consentually lost.

4. Are you in a relationship?

Yes 🥺💗 I’m dating my princess, @andyl394

5. Are you in love?

Love is a very strong word, I used it lightly for so many years and still sometimes do— but I’d say I’m falling in love.

I believe you never fall in love like it’s a place you sit, I believe you are always falling in love with whomever you date because everyday you wake up a different person then you were the day before.

6. Are you single this year?

No 🥺💗 I have my lovely baby Andy

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yep ✨

8. Describe your crush

She’s really sweet, she has really pretty hair. She’s respectful and adorable. Her laughing and giggles sound like cute little bells, and her smile is so, so bright.

9. Describe your perfect mate

Respectful, Thoughtful, Communicative, and Understanding.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Somewhat, I suppose. I believe you can begin to fall in love, but never really immediately be in love at only a first look— but I guess I base this on the fact I value a persons outlook and attitude more than their appearance.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes. I’d love to get married one day.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess it would really depend on what they had done to me.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

Not really. I’m not a very jealous person.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

MY PRINCESS 🥺💗 she’s my girl 😚

15. Do you have any piercings?

I have your regular ear piercings 🤷🏻‍♀️

16. Do you have any tattoos?

Not yet 😔

17. Do you like kissing in public?

I’m okay with it, I have nothing against it even though I’m very easy to embarrass

20. Do you shower every day?

Yes, I work on a farm.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

My princess 🥺💗

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Mmm... I don’t know?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Of course I can! I despise when people cheat on their significant others 🥺

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I’m not sure, that’s not a single person question for me because marriage isn’t something you use to lock someone in. Marriage is a partnership, you work together to lift each other up— as you should be doing before marriage even imo.

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I am in a relationship 😚💗

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Yes.

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

No.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

No.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Yes.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

No, I’m very emotional but I used to always be hesitant with love.

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

I choose not to answer

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

No.

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yes.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yes.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yes.

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Not really.

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

No, I used to be very reserved with falling in love.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Yes, I love music so I wrote a song but never gave it to her.

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No.

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

I wouldn’t let them wander unless I had her consent, I value consent very strongly— even outside of anything sexual, I’ll ask if I can can someone before I do.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Three years.

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

No one.

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

0

47. How old are you?

19

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I would encourage them to confess to them.

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

Her smile and laugh.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Depends on what they did.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yes.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Yes, she tried to kill me.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

No?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yes, my late best friend Lily.

55. Share a relationship story.

I dated a girl who told me I couldn’t hang out with my own older brother 🙃

56. State 8 facts about your body

I have freckles.

I’m pretty chubby.

Everyone thinks I’m sunburnt but I just have really red skin on my arms and face.

I sunburn way too easily though.

I have a lot of scars, both from doing things I love and mental illness.

I have brown eyes.

I have auburn hair

My hair reaches past my rear and it’s in between curly and wavy because I’m getting rid of the damage my mother did to it.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

I hope everyone realizes how horrible you treat people behind their backs.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Be understanding, don’t be afraid to commicate, be honest, be respectful, have an awareness of emotions.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

No thanks 👀 I want to keep my face off my blog 🥺

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

I think I’m a year older, or a few months older.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their attitude.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Hug me from behind, play with my hair, or just have fun and deep conversations with me.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

I know that some others may not define sex the same way that I do, and that’s okay. I grew up learning and being told sex was something where you engaged in sexual activities with someone, so that’s always have I’ve defined it— a sexual activity.

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Well, I suppose I think of it like this. You and your partner probably agreed to be monogamous. You have that agreement and trust for the other to stay faithful. If your partner goes out and has a sexual or emotional affair with someone else then its cheating. The essence of cheating is breaking your partners trust.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

I don’t know

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

I don’t know

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Something calm and relaxing for both people, maybe not somewhere very crowded.

68. What is your sexual orientation?

I’m a lesbian, I like girls 💗

69. What turns you off?

Inconsiderate taking, disrespectfulness, humiliation, degrading things, and anger.

70. What turns you on?

I choose not to air this to everyone— 👀

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

Im opting to not put this into the world—👀

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Okay, I’ll answer this. I have a thing for praise, I like to praise others and I like to be praised.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Flowers, make something personal, or bake something with me 🥺💗

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

I don’t really look for superficial things, I think. I really look at depth of knowledge, emotions, or their character

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

It wasn’t romantic at all, but my late best friend Lily picked me up off my knees once in elementary after I was forced to kneel on rice for not being religious (at a private Christian school 😅)

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I bought my late best friend Lily an outfit she loved but her mother wouldn’t let her get, and I embroidered the outfit like Lily had talked about wanting to do.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

I don’t mind it, other peoples ages in their relationships don’t effect me personally. As long as it’s not pedophilia, I’ll rock a pedophile into the asphalt any day.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I was never able to tell anyone what happened to me, so he got away with what he did because I was too afraid to speak out.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

I can’t remember the last time I felt jealousy tbh.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

I told Andy I loved her earlier 😚💗

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Andy, the fam, and pretty much all my friends. Everyone is attractive, I don’t consider anyone ugly 🥺

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

I last hugged my brother

83. Who was your first kiss with?

A person who should not be named. They’re the Voldemort in my life 😒

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

They cheated on me and abused me in multiple ways.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

That’s how Andy and I met, we met online 🥺💗

And I love her very much, she’s my gorgeous princess 👑

[senpai-no-lie]

Blue Lions Route

So I finished the Blue Lions Route! 

Why I chose Blue Lions: Okay, so when the first trailer was dropped, I thought Edelgard would be my favorite. I liked her character design and I just thought she was really pretty, but Dimitri was on my radar because lol they named a FE character after my chinchilla, nice. I ended up picking Dimitri, because what I knew about his character arc appealed to my sensibilities and I thought he was the nicest during the House introductions, talking about his classmates.

Who Was My Dancer: Felix. I thought he looked cute in the outfit, had the potential for magic anyway as well as swords, and had the avoidance to not be nuked by enemies with his pitiful defense/resistance. He made a great dancer! From my understanding, it might’ve been a bit of a waste, because of gambits, but I didn’t really understand them or use them much in this playthrough

What Paired Endings Did I Get:  

Petra & Linhardt 

 Ralpheal & Ignatz 

 Dorothea & Manuela 

Dedue & Flayn (this one really surprised me) 

 Annette & Mercedea

 Shamir & Catherine 

 Lysithea & Cyril

 Lorenz & Leonie (a bit miffed about this one, but it’s what I get for choosing to go for Seteth with Ingrid instead of with Leonie)

 Ingrid & Seteth 

 Ferdinand & Marianne 

 Felix & Sylvain 

 Ashe & Caspar

Who Did Byleth Marry: Dimitri... not so much because I ship them as characters as I just liked Dimitri the best. Don’t @ me 

Which Dimitri Do I prefer?: Pre-timeskip! I wasn’t a super fan of either character design at first, but I just do not enjoy how self-loathing and mean Dimitri was for a good chunk of the timeskip. I feel like the fandom calling that “feral Dimitri” is a bit of a misnomer. When he returns to being is usual self, it was a welcome change

General Thoughts: I liked the route! It was a good-enough personal arc for Dimitri to keep me engaged, despite some of the mechanics getting in the way of the story. I wish Dedue had been more important to the post-timeskip portion. Mostly, though, I was surprised how short the route was; I’m used to 28ish chapters, so I’m a bit nervous to see how long Crimson Flowers is if that’s the shortest route. I liked all my house characters and had a good time. 

The Blue Lions Characters: 

Dimitri: I think he’s probably the most well-developed, consistently done character in the entire game. I love his character, his supports, and his empathy. There have been a lot of other people who’ve done a great job analyzing his character, so I won’t bother, but A+ boi

Dedue: I like Dedue and his role as Dimitri’s retainer, but he’s not particularly appealing to me. In general, I don’t like the gap moe that comes with strong, silent types that have a feminine side. I think he was a bit of an improvement from Benny (who I liked but didn’t pay much attention to), and I was so grateful to make him not a Fortress Knight (War Master or whatever Dedue did a lot of good punching) because that is probably my least favorite unit type.

Felix: I had a good idea I’d like Felix, because I tend to like tsunderes regardless of gender, but from how the fandom memes about him, I was surprised by the depths of my fondness. He often gets labelled as an asshole, but I would be more generous and say he’s merely got an abrasive side, like a sponge. He had some good, cute moments in his supports and I think his presence added to the story of Azure Moon. I also like that he’s like the only character that has different endings if you recruit him to a different route.  

Sylvain: I know he can be a bit of a controversial character because of his playboy ways, but I like him! I like horse-mounted units and units that can use magic, so he was gonna be a winner for me. I also understand why some people don’t like him and find him to be sexist, but he didn’t particularly read that way to me. To be fair, I find Sylvain’s backstory to be relatable because I myself have a similar situation, of sorts, with my older brother, so I’m just inclined to be more lenient about his more negative traits. I think it hurts Sylvain’s likability that some (or maybe all) of his supports aren’t pre-timeskip locked to demonstrate he really does change his ways, but I think his supports are good and that he’s never irredeemably awful to anyone. 

Ingrid: Another hot take: Ingrid is probably my favorite BL girl lol. I think she’s cute, she’s got some gap moe to her with being so stern but also a food-loving goober and super excitable about knight stuff. My friend said she never was able to get Ingrid to be usable, but my Ingrid rocked. I feel like she had the most connections to the story of BL of the girls, and I wish they had used her more. 

Ashe: It’s a toss-up whether he’s my second fav or Felix is, but I love Ashe. I’m pretty pro archer characters (sans Bernadetta), but Ashe is also just so sweet and caring, despite some of the things he’s been through. I think he’s very cute and a great unit. I might end up marrying him to Byleth if I playthrough BL again (which I will to get DLC supports)

Annette: I like her, but I don’t think she really stands out. I feel sorry that she has to deal with Gilbert, but honestly you could erase Annette from the main story and it wouldn’t change a thing, sadly. I think she’s cute and quirky and I like her spunk, but there’s really not too much to say about her.

Mercedes: I love Mercedes, but similarly to Annette, she doesn’t add as much to the storyline as I’d like, outside of the thing with the Death Knight, which is almost a footnote tbh. I like her character design and her supports and she’s an all-around great unit and character. 

Gilbert: Ugh, I spent a lot of my time complaining about what a whiner he is. As I mentioned, not a fan of Fortress Knights, and Gilbert not only had a base speed of 2 but would regularly miss with an 70-80% hit rate. As a character, I thought he had some good supports, but in general I hate that Dedue took a backseat to him, and that Gilbert is a horrible father. I view as Gilbert a good model for Dimitri, in that Dimitri should not follow Gilbert’s example in how to express and process grief and guilt. Another reason I dislike Gilbert is that I got locked out of his support chain with Catherine, and that’s just annoying

Technically, since I’ve recruited every character except Claude, Edelgard, and Hubert (and I guess the DLC, but now I’ve unlocked them) and almost every associated support, I could write out my thoughts on them, but I’ll save that for the appropriate routes. 

Assorted Bulleted Thoughts: 

Hubert: Man, he just popped up as a cartoonish villain to defeat all the time, and I digged it haha. It became tradition to have Ingrid fly in and to kill him in one hit without taking any damage. It was great. I felt bad that Edelgard had Not A Word to say about Hubert’s death. 

Edelgard: She was built-up so much as the person that had to be defeated to end the war, but there was a lot of dicking around (and all the time we had to go back to homebase for long periods of time) that Edelgard didn’t really get the time to flesh her out as an antagonist or make me, the player, feel particularly motivated to defeat her. Especially when you learn she apparently had nothing to do with the Tragedy of Duscur, and Dimitri is pretty lukewarm about having to kill his stepsister, once he clears his head. Though, that final animated cutscene was top tier

Rhea: I think there should have been one chapter either before or after fighting Edelgard where you rescue Rhea, because as it is, the way her return is handled is incredibly sloppy and emotionally dead. Not even a scene where Flayn and Seteth greet her. Lame

Marianne: She was my favorite and first recruited unit. Love her. That’s all 

I wish all the Blue Lions had been able to reach A-support with each other, especially Sylvain. I think there woul’ve been a lot he could have gained as a character especially. 

It is dumb as hell male Byleth can’t S-support Dimitri, or any of the male Blue Lions, for that matter. If you could add one male student from GD and BL to be bi, I would’ve picked Dimitri or Ashe from BL. Everyone in GD is pretty hetero, so I will arbitrarily choose Ignatz 

[allthe-queens-men]

Day Seven - Photography

John and Roger go through their old photo albums.

…………………………………………………………………

John had a large desk and a small computer, and this suited him just fine. His attention was so often pulled in so many directions that he needed plenty of space for papers and documents and maybe a sandwich. Even in retirement he never stopped working –it felt wasteful to sit around, and now that the children were all grown the enormous house could feel so empty sometimes.

But now John was buzzing with excitement and the desk was carefully littered with dozens of photo albums. He was seventy years old today, and the whole family was coming over for a little party.

It was Roger’s idea, of course, to have a proper party. John would’ve been happy enough just spending the day with his loved ones, his husband and children and grandchildren (four little ones and counting!). But he hadn’t opposed the idea of putting up some balloons and streamers, and he could never say no to cake.

They wouldn’t be over for several more hours, though, so John was busying himself with an early birthday present from one of their sons: a digital photo frame. John was delighted upon opening it, but quickly realized he had very few photographs uploaded to his computer. So, for the sake of preserving their memories and making use of his gift, he got up before sunrise that morning to dig out their old albums and start scanning them. He smiled watching the white laser move across the film, relieved to know their happiest moments were being saved now forever.

Roger hated the laser, thinking it was somehow hurting the photographs. John had given up trying to convince him otherwise.

“What have you been up to?” Roger asked, standing in the doorway, leaning on the frame. John turned and smiled over at him, and explained, earning a small shudder from his husband that made John laugh. Roger pulled up a chair to sit next to him, somewhat reluctantly letting John put the photos through the scanner before he’d rescue them and slide them back into the plastic sheets.

“I’d say we’ve done a fair job of capturing these moments,” John said with a smile as they finished the first of seventeen albums.

Roger hummed in agreement or acknowledgement, sliding the first photo out of the next book and taking a moment to look at it, and cringe. “I’ll never forgive myself for that shirt.”

John laughed again as he took it and set it in the scanner. “I think it was Freddie’s shirt, wasn’t it?” He quickly swallowed around the small lump in his throat that formed whenever he thought of Freddie. The years and steady counseling have made the loss a bit less painful to remember, but it was always a delicate subject. Roger knew to never bring up Freddie to John if it could be helped, although he’d started lately to test the waters, always with a pang of guilt but hoping it would help John to cope a bit better. And John appreciated not being coddled. But it would always be difficult.

“No, he just wore it so often that you’d think so. And I’m not happy to admit that.”

John’s smile gradually loosened. He patted his husband’s hand. “Next photo, please.”

They went on like that for most of the morning. Their reminiscing was interrupted only by a call from Brian to wish John a happy birthday –“I made a post about it on my Instagram,” and he sounded so excited that he must’ve forgotten that neither John nor Roger used Instagram— and a text from their eldest daughter confirming what time they were expected. The text had inexplicably been sent to Roger, but John snatched it away and answered. Roger was, after all, quite hopeless a texter.

“I’ve got better things to do, and they make the keys so small!” He still had a flipphone, and they were all grateful for that. “If they want to talk to us, they know they can call.”

But John was quite distracted as he opened the fourth album of the day –their wedding photos. Had six years really gone by so quickly? Perhaps when you’re seventy time seems to move much too fast. They were happy years, at least, and happy memories from that day.

Roger peaked over to see what his husband was looking at, and huffed a laugh. “A good reason to throw a big party.” That was what the wedding had mostly been to Roger, and John was okay with that. They’d been living together almost forty years by that point –openly together since ‘94 when they adopted their first child… they had been in a state of As-Good-As-Married since at least the mid-80s to when they could make it official in 2015. So the actual wedding didn’t have to mean as much to Roger (already lukewarm to the institution at best) as it did to John.

But to John, that day was special.

“I’m surprised I hadn’t scanned these already,” he mumbled, fingers even more gentle with these than the crumbling 70s photos.

They spent a half hour or so saving these memories to their own folder. Once they were done, John rubbed at his eyes and wrinkled forehead and asked for a break. Roger looked at him in confusion (this was his activity, of course he could take a break), but agreed. “Let’s get some breakfast: your favorite, birthday boy.”

John smiled softly and followed Roger downstairs. His smile grew as he took in the decorations: bright colors that made him feel like a boy again. Not that John remembered any birthday parties from his childhood, but these pastel decorations made some warm feeling bubble up in his stomach, and he just wanted to hug and kiss the man who adorned their house like this. And he would, but later.

They sat together with plates of eggs and toast and sausage in their little breakfast nook. The dining room table was much too big for just the two of them, but would be used later on for the party. But once his belly was full on just half his food, and the warm bubbly feeling subsided with it, John started to feel much more morose.

He was seventy years old.

If he was lucky, he might have another ten years left. He couldn’t imagine carrying on much longer than that. Their oldest grandchild was seven –he’d perhaps see her graduate from secondary school, maybe her first day of university, but what about the younger children? Their second daughter had another baby on the way, and they all expected there would be more to come. Would he be there to see them grow up? Would they get to know their Grandpa at all?

He looked across the table at Roger, obliviously finishing his breakfast, and felt a knot in his stomach.

It wasn’t at all the first time John had thought like this. He’d lost enough people in his life for death to be quite a constant in his mind. “I’d like to go back to counseling,” he’d said on more than one occasion, including this morning, drawing Roger’s attention back to him.

“Alright. I’ll call Dr. Brunswick tomorrow, see if he’s available. If not, we’ll get someone even better.”

John’s mouth drew back in a tight smile. “I don’t want to spend the rest of my life thinking about death.”

Roger reached across the table for his hand –a small gesture where words wouldn’t suffice. John took it gratefully. One day all of this would be gone, but right now they had each other, and in each other they had everything.

[msjr0119]

Why me?

Part 4- Confession

Riley is forced out of Cordonia unknowingly to her friends, and moves back to New York.

She is later faced with her past from Cordonia and is hiding a few new secrets. With the help from her New York friends and friends from Cordonia will she escape her current situation and find her happy ever after?

Tags-

@burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @choiceslover-24-7 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @kennaxval @larryssunflower @insideamirage @carabeth @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld

******

Riley started her new job tonight, she had mixed feelings- nervous, anxious and excited.

“Good luck sweetie! You’ll be great. Myself and Lola will meet you there later, check it out. Oo by the way, I got you a new SIM card - here.”

“Thanks Dan, I owe you!”

“Don’t worry about it. Hey, maybe you can contact that handsome stranger you met the night you got back? I know how much you like attracting strangers.”

He winked at her laughing.

“Not funny Daniel! But I might just do that.”

As she was walking to the bar, she decided to pluck up her courage and ring Nate, wondering if he would still want to meet up- she did leave it a week before contacting him. But he did say to contact him once she had settled back in the city.

“Hello?”

“Hi, my knight in shining armour.”

“Riley! Nice to hear from you. Are you still in New York?”

“I certainly am! I told you I was never leaving again. I am actually on my way work. I got a bar job at the new bar - The Masons.”

“It’s their opening night tonight isn’t it? I’ve heard it’s going to be big! I may have to come in for a drink and to see a certain bar maid?”

“Oo really? Do you usually flirt with bar maids?”

“Only beautiful ones.”

“Okay charmer. I’ll see ya later.”

Riley couldn’t wipe the smirk off her face. Could she really move on from Drake? She didn’t want to- she loved him but having being exiled out of Cordonia she would never see him again. Of course she would eventually get over the feelings she had Drake, her feelings she had for all her friends, she’s a strong independent woman- considering all the shit that had happened the last few months.

********

Liam and Drake was due to talk to Constantine the previous morning, however he was busy with Regina. So they headed up to his study today to try and get some answers for the questions they had.

“Father? Can we come in?”

“Of course you can son. Ah Drake! Nice to see you up and about.”

Drake nodded. He really wasn’t in the mood to discuss anything apart from Riley. Hearing her voice broke his heart even more.

“So Father, I understand that you was most likely the last person to see Lady Riley before she mysteriously disappeared. Am I correct?”

“How do I know Liam? Yes she came to my study on my request after returning from the safe house.”

“And what exactly happened when she came to see you?”

“What’s with all the questions Liam? If you must know- I asked her to come here to leave Cordonia. She had another scandal brewing. Did you know she was having an affair with someone in this room?”

Drake stood up abruptly and stormed out of the room, before Bastien ushered him back in explaining that he would want to hear what Liam was about to say. Constantine stood there smirking knowing his words got under Drakes skin, hitting some nerves.

“No she didn’t have an affair Father! The night I proposed marriage to her, she confessed that she had feelings for Drake. I knew everything. Unlike you she is honest, she told me. They are both... they were both my best friends and I was happy for them. I love them both, so that didn’t bother me. I was furious when I found out that she had gone. I was cursing her. I hated her, for leaving us all but especially for leaving the man she loved in that situation. That was until Bastien explained what he had witnessed when she screamed for his help. What makes you think you can throw people out of MY country? I am the King now - not you! Do you have anything to say?”

“She.... she deserved what she got. If she didn’t kick me in the groin, I’d have hurt her. I was so close. Was she always so timid when you both kissed her? When you both felt her? She is beautiful, no wonder she was messing around. Who else did she bed, I often wonder though? What about you Bastien? Was it you that was next on her prey list? I was giving her one last memory of Cordonia, she likes to keep her men within the court. Maybe I should have invited Leo back home to have a go too? That one last memory she would have had would make her leave for good and never return.... if only I pinned her down instead.... I-“

Suddenly a fist hit Constantine, making him fly into wall losing his balance- the smirk he previously had now turned into a furious scowl.

“How dare you do that to me! That is treason!”

“Don’t you ever talk about Lady Riley like that! She deserves so much more respect, I don’t regret the action I’ve just taken towards you. You are not my King anymore as I said to you that night. If you had of violated her even more that night and I hadn’t heard her, there wouldn’t be only myself packing a punch towards you. Your Majesty, Drake, I think it’s time that we left and track down Lady Riley.”

“Bastien could you please take King Father to the cells. I will deal with him later.”

Bastien nodded. The two men walked down the corridor, both in shock with Constantine’s confession. Anger and sadness building up inside of them both- neither dared to break the silence within the hallway.

“I’m so sorry Drake. I didn’t know any of this. If I’d have known I’d ....When she arrived at the safe house she swung open the door and stormed into the bathroom. Her dress was ripped, she was covered in... in... your blood. She was an emotional mess, which was expected. She and hana both ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor. When we got back the day after she text me asking for updates. I don’t even know if she was still here at that point?”

“Li it’s not your fault, I’m sorry for falling in love with her. I didn’t mean to... it just...”

“Drake, you heard what I said in there, I’m happy for you both. We need to get her back!”

*******

Riley was enjoying her first shift, the time was going quick. There was a live rock band providing the entertainment, they mainly covered 70s/80s rock songs. The atmosphere was great, it kept her mind off everything linking to Cordonia.

“So what do you recommend a single man should drink in a place like this?”

She heard him, and turned around smirking.

“What do lawyers tend to drink? Wine? Or the hard stuff such a whiskey?”

“Surprise me!”

Nate stayed sat at the bar keeping Riley company. They both kept glancing at each other.

“Daniel! Lola! What you guys having?”

“Hi Ri, shots and lots of them!”

“Nate, this is Daniel my old colleague and his girlfriend who I went to school with - Lola. Guys this is Nate, my knight in shining armour.”

They all stayed up at the bar, listening and singing along to the music whilst keeping Riley company.

Lola noticed Riley looking at Nate but then her face showed guilt every time she looked away from him.

“Hey! What’s up Riley? You keep looking at him smiling, then your face changes- like it’s showing guilt or something?”

“Lola it’s complicated. I like Nate. He’s been lovely since the day I met him. But I had to leave someone who I love more than anything- it’s hard to explain why. I just feel guilty leaving him without an explanation. But I can’t ever see him again. I’m constantly pining for him in my head. But when Nate talks to me or texts me, that pining disappears for a short while. I don’t know what to do?”

“If you can’t ever be with this guy you love, no point waiting on something that isn’t going to happen. I don’t know what happened but you can’t make yourself miserable Ri. You know what they say- rebound. If you try a relationship with Nate and still don’t feel any emotional links cos your still hooked up on the other guy- you know what to do. You dump Nate out of your life and go and win your guy back!”

Riley thought about all those words Lola had said, if only Lola knew the whole reason why she couldn’t go and win her man back. She wanted to do this more than anything but she kept thinking back to that night in the study- the threats that were made, the abuse from the apparent well ‘respected’ former king. If Liam knew the truth, he was the King now- maybe he could rescue her from this god forsaken city and reunite her with Drake. But surely he would have done it by now, it’s been days since she left.

Come closing time, the friends walked out of the bar. Daniel told Riley that he would stay at Lola’s tonight whilst winking at her, hinting at her to take Nate back to the apartment.

“So Daniel has given me the apartment to myself tonight? You can come for a night cap if it want?”

“I’d love to.”

On arrival, Riley poured them both a drink. He sat on the sofa and she came over to join him. Nate put his arm around her, and she pulled him in for a kiss.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to... I-“

“It’s fine Riley, to be honest I’ve been waiting for that all night.”

Riley smiled properly for the first time in a week, she stood up, grabbed Nate’s hand and lead him into her bedroom, shutting the door.

I’m so sorry Drake. I will always love you but I need to get over you. I can’t return or see you ever again. I’m so scared what would happen if I returned. I’ll always hold our memories in my mind.

*****

“Your Majesty, Drake, as I was returning from the cells, Glen had updated me on Lady Riley’s whereabouts. We was able to track the last location known. When she rung Lord Maxwell, she was at the Statue of Liberty. However we cannot track the number any further. The number is now not recognised.”

Liam and Drake looked at each other, their hearts sinking, that place held a different memory for both of them with Riley. For Liam, it was where he proposed to her and where Riley had pulled out all the stops for him to see it that first night. For Drake, it wasn’t exactly at the Statue of Liberty- they were stood on Brooklyn bridge, where the statue was in the distance. Standing on that bridge was when they both had confessed their love towards each other- with Drake saying he would always be waiting for her to chose him.

“Bastien, tomorrow afternoon I have to go away for meetings for a week- I can’t get out of them. When I return, I want us all on the Royal Jet to New York. Drake should be fit enough to fly by that time too.”