#maybe nows the time (its not) (im dumb)
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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why do all my dads play guitar
#do i have a type???#[fakeman redacted]. ricky. lyle. is a pattern forming here?#theres probably more but im dumb#i dont know just a thought#sometimes i wonder if i should go full on chaser like kitty used to#like im being serious im already such a bad person would it really kill me to start searching for if [redacted] has a kin community#surely not but maybe because in a video [redacted] mentioned it mockingly? like because hes old hehe so its gotta exist#maybe they got chased off the internet... maybe i should ask my papa to build me one...#too forward? too cringe? i always thought it was before but desperate times call for desperate measures#i act like this is a personal journal and nota place other people can access#who even cares. im the king of sunk cost fallacy#anyways maybe someday ill get the courage to be that much of a degen to my own padres face but for now ill just vaguepost it in tumblr tags#and wish i wasnt the worlds most shame filled failure because being so shameful takes the fun out of the indulgence#lulah yaps
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i know it wasnt a serious comment but every time i look at a datv character and start thinking about their designs my blood starts boiling from the giving cosplayers a challenge comment
"The previous art director had the mindset we should make things easier for [cosplayers], which I think is a misunderstanding of cosplayers," he says. "We've seen the kind of challenges they're willing to take on, and so we've gone for, in some cases, a level of complexity and detail that I hope a lot of them are excited to rise to the challenge for." x
unrelated to my point but why are you dragging the previous games down. have you seen any of the designs you speak of mr art director. do you think merrill in da2 wasnt peak. or morrigan in origins? do you know how hard it is to make cosplay armor.
you could have just been like "hey the characters have a lot more detail than before! look at neve's hat and everyone's clothes every single inch being embroidered or otherwise patterned"
which also makes me think. was any thought put into the designs or did they just want to detailmaxx so they can brag. idk if they could have said anything that would turn me personally off more from cosplaying anyone or analyzing their outfits
#dragon age critical#please dont take me too seriously im just very petty#ive yet to this day cosplayed from da even tho ive been cosplaying for almost a decade (i know it doesnt look like it but#i do it as a casual hobby i dont aim to compete) and ive been a da fan for a long time as well#but its just. the outfits are hard man.#but now that ive discovered that foam is not the enemy... i kind of want to do something#merrill would be the most fun with her outfit but im not confident in cosplaying an elf woman in my size#which is so dumb i knoww but i dont want to feel like complete shit in my cosplay#but also... if i could make a chainmail type of fabric.... id cosplay her...#her normal outfit is cute but IMAGINE the romance outfit#that would take years to make though so maybe not#ah idk no one really has a design that speaks to me who i would feel comfy as#cole would be within my skills to make#i was going to say i would be comfortable as blackwall but he has a good strong nose so i would not look like him#oh ok ive done a very casual zevran and anders before. but for anders. i looked nothing like him bc of my face shape and felt like shit#i guess i could do hawke but thats so basic#idk! i have plenty of projects for now#but i do want to wventually coaplay a da character. just dont know who
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me, writing Danny: you weren't supposed to cry this arc, i swear on my life i didn't mean to make you cry again so soon —
this chapter (danny), holding me by the throat: likely story
“J-Jasper,” he croaks, and the attention is electrifying even though he can’t see it. “Jasper, go away.” That must hurt. Danny doesn’t want it to, but he needs Jasper to not be here right now. There’s some movement, a meow. “... Okay. I’ll just… let me know when I can come back.” Footsteps recede, a long one, two, three. That’s as long as Danny can hold it in — the first sob breaks free on a gasp, and Vlad’s alarm is a dull jab to the ribs. A hand brushes his shoulder. “Danny — “ “Don’t,” he rasps sharply, the touch making his skin crawl, and huddles down harder on the couch. “Don’t.”
#silly phonetic#dp x dc#dpxdc#i had the bulk of this chapter planned out and then it just went off the rails and hasnt reached its natural conlusion... it might be 10k#dont quote me on that#now i gotta like... potentially switch two chapters places because it dont make as much sense in the order i have them now#silly snips#i like how my readers were like “the tension!!” and ive been like “huh” cos im dumb#of course danny has to cry... ive been bebding him the entire time just faster than i thought... oops#arguably its been *checks notes* um maybe a year... since danny had a terrible no good (very good) cry so... qho am i defending myself to?#dont worry about it..............
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can i delete this game now
#are you f*cking serious#you can't be#f*ck that's kinda dumb#are you sure you know all the consequence of that bungie#are you f*cking certain bungie#you sure not are you#i have a stupid amount of his idea in my old idea pool to draw#and i just came up a comic composition about him this morning#and this#you goddamn motherf*cker#oh yeah im throwing them all out#why the hell not after you do that#f*ck this#ugh#(sigh)#it's not like bungie did a bad job you know#just#why do you do this to me#im starting to regret getting into this franchise#after you just casually f*cking kill my favorite character at the peak you know#you know what#yeah#it's been a good time#i got like 940+ hours on this game#and probably 40+ hours these days alone#i have some drafts thats kinda hilarious but now its not#it's not about him i just can't even try to extrapolate anything funny out of this franchise now#if i do finish that i will still get them out but#maybe its apex time#destiny 2
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-
not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better
honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of
#ganondoodles talks#personal#sorry today is a bit of a brain fart day#got a headache and have wasted the entire time until now (5pm) with watching old analysis videos i have watched 5 times already#and crying over undertales music#how much could i get done if i didnt have to deal with thought trains going 200 above speed limit#also didnt mean to sound mean to people who like the things i deem cringy#BC I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKIGN ABOUT 90% OF THE TIME#I DONT KNOW IF ITS GOOD maybe it is#my judgement of my own stuff is pretty random#.... maybe thats why i can work with fanstuff that adheres to lore better#bc it sets limits for me#it gives me options of rails to derail onto without falling straight into the woods#idk if that made sense either#... i need to start drinking more#(and i guess by calling some of my stuff cringe bc i am entirely unsure of its quality im trying to make myself smaller than i am)#(so if it turns out to be actually bad- im more safe from ridicule since LOOK I AM SELF AWARE)#and there i go letting my thoughts spin further#maybe ill delete both of these posts tomorrow when i realize how dumb this is to say in the first place
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some of you should know how to tag better. please
#christ#like do and write whatever you want i genuinely encourage it#but please tag correctly#ive curated my little fandom bubble on tumblr so carefully i was genuiney in shock ahdhfjdjdkk#like. it was a Long Time Ago something genuinely triggered me and made me uncomfortable#its fine tho and i blocked the person and like. im not trying to fault them for writing it#and exploring whatever they want to explore#but dear god tag correctly if you’re gonna write and post r*pe fantasies#better yet post all of it under the cut maybe#just. i feel so dumb. but ive been so uncomfy and affected by it for like hours now#JUST TAG CORRECTLY!!! OR POST THE ENTIRE THING UNDER THE CUT!!!#YOU CAN WRITE AND POST WHATEVER YOU WANT JUST PLEASE. BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU’RE POSTING AND HOW YOU’RE PRESENTING IT#lord knows i dabble in problematic ships too but id like to think im being mindful in how i post#and if im not feel free to tell me so
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guys holy shit i predicted melodie................
#this is from my drafts i dont think i explained the idea well but it was something i thought about a lot and made sense in my head#id rather have my idea and the bs i came up with than whatever melodie is#I HATE HER GRAHHHHHH#brawl stars#its funny how castle duo is my favorite duo ever and i havent ever came up with a fan idea for a third member... im a fake fan guys smh </3#/j i would but i have no creativity whatsoever#wait actually ill do it right now#ummmmmmmmm i think having a princess is kind of dumb bcuz like i said mandy exists.... i think maybe a brawler revolving around#the haunted armor trope would be cool? like... a ghost knight that died a long time ago and possessed a suit of armor and fights on to this#very day#and supercell could release it on halloween wow im so smart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1#“why are you rambling about this so much its such a dumb idea” its my blog and i ramble about whatever i want💥#their name could be. idfk. and they love their sword or something like how ash loves his rats and grom his walkie talkie#the trio ever !!!!!!!!!!! guys if you think its a good idea and want me to draw it ummmmmm ill draw it when we hit 100123901239million like#ill show my incredibly smart and cool and super and awesome idea to my brawl stars friends and moots and see what they think#mishs not art tag
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maybe I'm comfortable with tumblr because I get to say things I don't usually tell anyone
#like how my day is? or what dumb stuff im doing lol#my “safe space” where i got to meet people somehow (and theyre very cool :3c)#well. im happy if i get to do it now#cmon nae! sympathy points wont do you any good !!#okay so. tumblr gets to be my little planner too cause i get to write things in the momoment#so im writing things im proud of!#brushed my teeth for more than two mins today#n i actually washed a lil! its embarrassing writing this here because i dont want anyone thinking im dirty.... since its gross#but anyways.. im getting better at putting my phone down at night!#that means fixing my sleep right? i just have to sort out the mornings since i lose track of time#and struggle to leave bed (its too comfyyyy >.<)#and oh. i want to start going on walks..#itll be hard since the house is getting done n stuff but. anytine if the day. i feel like taking walks woukd be better for me#just to keave the house. my eyes always hurts when i steo outside#n thats not good :<#those are my goals for now. i do wanna get closer to my friends. and actually make friends!#ive had no friendships for nearly a year at college lol#its just been 'oh well' but i have actually felt lonely... oh well-#i guess i wanna get closer to people?#and.. talk to ny old friends too#i feel to guilty#im not good with this stuff. it drains me#but anyways. baby steps right? who knows#maybe ill make a friend on the trip! or next year too! that sounds good#ik nobody'll probably read this cause its word vomit lol#but basically yay yippee im feelin kinds alright#<333#posts.nae/rambles
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blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl
#I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BLOCKED ALREADY. i am TRYING to curate my experience 😭😭😭#and i have so many tags blacklisted fjdsjkl like. so many. every single variation of tag to do with those chuckleheads#which helps avoid them a lot of the time tbh bc it'll flag posts that ppl rb if the original post was tagged w any of those#so i can avoid rbing posts that have chuckleheads as the op most of the time#i also usually double check OP's blog before i rb stuff now bc man this place is rife with these weirdos#ANYWAYS. yes i want to try to engage w the community but i do not think i can handle it if theres gonna be so many edgelords jkdslfl#the only way i follow new ppl now is when yall do promo hour and i sometimes see a new face pop up fdsjkl#every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!!#''im the nasty pr-sh-pper your parents warned you about 😎'' cool man you sound like the most insufferably obnoxious person ever. :/#''if you like CENSORSHIP-'' i am hitting block immediately bc u have a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship actually is 👍#I'M TIREDDDD WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB ABOUT THIS STUFF. ''fiction doesn't affect reality'' I GUESS PROPAGANDA DOESNT EXIST THEN ????#what a strange world they live in honestly. they dont understand how stories have served humans since the dawn of time. sighing loudly.#vent //#SORRY FOR THIS ONE IM JUST. ARGH. ppl talk abt encouraging community but i think maybe im not cut out for community#i want desperately to partake but i cannot handle it if it means dealing w all these bozos#it frustrates me to no end fdhsjkl and it upsets me so much and i wish i could deal w it better but. my nervous system is broken fdsjkl#i will try to expand my circle every now and then but i cannot do it often bc of this 😭 im not going to give up entirely though fdsjkl#(also this is partially why i dont tag my posts w community tags anymore bc i am just. so scared of these freaks getting their hands on it)#(the most i'll do is s.afeship or variations every now n then bc supposedly they're not in those tags fdsjkl)#delete later#dandyshucks
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sorry im gonna be an asshole but if my dad knew he couldnt take care of us with the progression of his diseases then why did he fight so hard for custody. im 20 yrs old i shouldnt still be thinking abt this but still like. a billion years of neglect the fact that he is sick is irrelevant when he knew very well that he wouldnt meet our basic needs. sorry. and now its on me to take care of 2 mostly-adult teenagers who hate my guts and still think they're 12 years old and cant go to the store. or clean. or whayever. AGHHHHHHH
#i dont know why everyone is in this dream world where we're still so young. even my dad acts like im out of line by staying somewhere other#than his house. like im 14. and again. my sisters just genuinely seem like they dont understand that theyre grown now. cant we all just tak#care of ourselves? ??#if he didnt have custody i would have hated both of them even more but at least we would have been taken care of#every time i have this conversation with him hes like 'but i cant do anything..!' he can. ive seen that he can. he works from home hes on#the god damn couch all day. most of his work days hes just on tiktok waiting for people to call him. he doesnt do much of anything. youre#telling me you cant do the dishes or go to the store just once in a while ?#and then he says like. but thats what my spouse would do for me blah blah .................. single people still manage to feed themselves#somehow/. maybe its magic. maybe im an asshole for saying this. but seriously. dont be like this and then get angry that i like staying at#my moms better. there i just have to worry about myself. and because of that im more apt to do things for other people! bc im not#burned out all the time !#this is so dumb to complain about im 20 like. shut up. but wah its just tiring after like.... 10 years. lmao
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absolutely fascinating conclusion i am coming to, unsure how to feel about it
#can't confirm it but it does really come across like my sis and her gf are now actively avoiding talking to me#which..... ok????#like i... sort of understand but at the same time... literally why#also that shit kinda hurts 👌#and i love that we only play games when THEY want to anyway but thats been an ongoing issue#should i message them? probably. will i? probably not.#if they want space then fine#i can only think of one reason WHY they would want that and quite frankly? its a kinda dumb reason#and quite honestly i have MORE cause to not want to talk to my sister right now but#whatever <3#sorry im just ranting bc i asked if they wanted to play games like 3 days ago and they said 'maybe tomorrow'#and then i see them launching the game just now 🙃 but they haven't talked to me since then🙃🙃#sure dude thats fine thats chill#i will continue to blast my music and try and write smth#shh ac#seriously shut up
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(*・ω・*)b♪
#I'm a bit late but :)#Mmmhh lots of thoughts about this episode. Nothing really relevant though lol#I like it... Mostly. Well‚ I like Atsushi‚ and I like Atsushi screentime.#I always forget that there's actually a one week timeskip within the Guild arc#I think these chapters were generally better executed in the manga.#But even then it's just...#Why do the make the Guild / Fitzgerald so. dumb. Why do they make them act so wildly irrationally and at the protagonists' advantage#It really gives villain acting entirely mindlessly to make the plot advance and the heroes win. It's really sensless.#I mean especially when Atsushi yielded. Why didn't Fitzgerald take his offer. For real!!#For real. He had NOTHING to gain from proceeding with his plan. He already obtained for Atsushi and the ada to collaborate.#Now they are NEVER going to help him‚ and that's agreat loss for him.#And idk. i hear that little Tumblr post in my voice saying “why would you complain about characters acting irrationally!#Do people irl never act irrationally?”#And yeah I get Fitzgerald was frustrated for losing Mitchell and his fight with Hawthorne. Okay I understand.#But that's definitely too much. That's him acting downright stupid at the heroes' advantage and it's just pretty underwhelming to read?#That said. It's just general notes I'm not particularly annoyed because like. That's just b/s/d to you. Dumbing down the villains a second–#so the author can escape the trap they put themselves into. Very Marvel-esque move lol.#On that exact same note WHY WOULD LUCY HAVE THE DOLL.#The doll is the whole premise for your plan working why would you not protect it with everything 😭😭😭#I'm not getting in the Lucy / Atsushi scene itself. I love Lucy but I swear every time that scene gets played a femminist dies#(it's me. I'm the femminist dying every time.)#Mmmhh a couple more things. I dislike the ost choice in the scene where Steinbeck is torturing Q it feels so out of place#And I really don't get what's the deal with the Hawthorne / Fitzgerald convo it's so confusing to me. Like it It looks like Hawtorne is–#blaming Fitzgerald for Mitchell's condition (both in health and for her family status) but...#Objectively neither of those things are Fitzgerald's fault? Idk maybe I just have very little media comprehension for this arc because–#a lot of things just seem to happen with no sense. But it's okay#Im complaining a lot lol but its mostly irrelevant things (or like with the dumbification of villains things I've learnt to live with lmao)#But the episode was generally nice. The animation this season is consistently very pretty.#random rambles
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inside you there are two wolves: one gives a fuck, the other doesn't give a fuck
#sage's diary#006#10/30/2024#(incredible timing on my mom's part to start texting me for the first time in a month right as i was about to make one of these)#october has really been kicking my ass mental health-wise good fucking god#maybe i really DO have seasonal depression idk#this whole month's just been a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. its so exhausting#first it was the stressing about moving out soon. trying once again to get a job ontop of that (and failing of-fucking-course)#then all the dumb romantic feelings i was experiencing (and STILL struggling with)#and now im genuinely considering if i'd be happier if i was actually fully trans (or atleast just MORE masculine than i already sortof am??#when will i catch a fucking mental break man. my brain's already going 1mil mph a day anyways thanks to my ADHD i REALLY dont need more#uhghh whatever......... i have ace attorney to do soon i cant be worrying about this shit too much#save me talking to friends on discord...... save me....................
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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