#maybe my explaining skills will improve if i make more (doubtful)

[srfiv]

@wolfespiderr gave me a great excuse to finally practice drawing gaz, have my thanks in the form of weirdly paced tutorial:

take a shot for every word in this that starts with "distort-"

[dragqueenstarscream]

i've been waiting all my life (for you to arrive)

bot with a baby au - chapter one

after a decepticon attack leaves a newborn baby orphaned, ratchet takes it upon himself to take care of the baby until he can find her remaining family. it doesn't go as planned.

author's note: i can't believe i'm actually doing this. this was supposed to be a joke. this was supposed to be a crackfic. but here we are, because i actually managed to come up with a plot. gonna shoot for a saturday/every other saturday upload schedule so i don't overwhelm myself, whichever one ends up working out, but we'll see how that goes.

the title comes from "worlds collide" by marianas trench. if you know the story behind that song and get why i chose that line for my title, you get alllllll the brownie points.

the first lesson every medic on cybertron learned upon entering the field was that you couldn't save everyone.

of course, it was drilled into each prospective medic from day one. it wasn't meant to frighten anyone away from the field. it was simply a hard truth, and the sooner one learned it, the better.

ratchet knew it from the start. he knew going into the medical field that sometimes, bots would offline, and he could do nothing about it. as difficult as his first loss was, he was at least mentally prepared for it.

and then the war happened, and losses became the norm.

it was impossible for ratchet to not blame himself when a patient died under his care. it didn't matter if they came in with their chassis blown apart by cannonfire, tox-en circulating through their hydraulics, their faceplate bludgeoned to oblivion, or whatever horrific combination of injuries one could suffer on the battlefield. if they didn't make it home, ratchet would blame himself.

as trying and painful as being a battlefield medic was, ratchet didn't have it in him to quit. in his mind, giving up would lead to even more deaths, and it was better to dig his heels in than give in to his self doubt. and as he improved in his field, as he fought like the pit to keep soldiers and civilians alike alive in the face of impossible odds, he learned the second important lesson all medics would come to learn at some point in their careers.

he couldn't save everyone, but that would never stop him from trying.

it started with an alarm on the base computer.

it was a saturday, and the children were spending their weekend with their autobot friends. raf was playing video games with bumblebee, miko was trying to explain the plot of an anime she liked to bulkhead, and jack was hunting for his bike helmet so he and arcee could try to break their speed record. this left smokescreen wandering around the base, getting himself familiar, and optimus and ratchet standing by side by side in front of the base computer, trying to find any possible signs of the remaining relics alpha trion had sent over.

"still no luck?" ratchet asked as he moved to optimus' left.

"alpha wanted to be certain that these relics would not fall into decepticon hands," optimus said. "my only comfort is that, if we have the same information, these are as difficult for the decepticons to find as they are for us."

"that's one way of looking at it," ratchet huffed. as he watched the screen, he asked, "what do you think you'll do when the war is over?"

"if we win?" optimus asked. he paused, thinking for a moment. "i am not sure. i would much like to go back to iacon and see alpha trion again. maybe i would return to my original job."

"i don't blame you," ratchet scoffed. "i don't think i could handle being a prime. too much weight on my shoulders. you're a better bot than i am, optimus."

"i could say the same about you, old friend," optimus said with a slight smile. "it takes a strong spark and a lifetime of skill to do your job."

"eh, it's not as hard as being a prime is," ratchet shrugged. "anyone can learn how to do what i do."

"do not sell yourself short, ratchet," optimus said. he thought for a minute, then asked, "what will you do after this war?"

"me?" ratchet said. "i'm not sure. we've been in this war for so long that it's hard to imagine anything else."

"i feel the same way," optimus sighed, his expression changing ever so slightly before returning to his usual calm.

ratchet was about to say something when the screen lit up with an alert. focusing on it, ratchet noticed what looked like two sets of lifesigns moving along the screen.

"knock out and breakdown?" he said, reading off of the screen.

"most likely knock out and cylas," optimus inferred. "cylas must've defected from the decepticons after project damocles failed."

"what's knock out doing with him, then?" ratchet asked.

"he's probably mad that cylas took over breakdown's body," bulkhead guessed. "i wouldn't be surprised if knock out wants payback."

following the two blips along the screen, ratchet saw that cylas was moving towards an isolated building, far from any cities or towns. putting two and two together, he said, "that must be a mech outpost. he's either going there to gear up for a fight or to hide."

"either way, he needs to be turned in," optimus said. "we can't have a repeat of project damocles."

bumblebee beeped out a response, which raf translated. "he's saying that cylas was the one who took out his t-cog. he'll probably try to use knock out for extra parts if he beats him."

"then we had better get going and make sure he's apprehended," optimus said. "bulkhead, arcee, come with me. ratchet, you too. we may need a medic. bumblebee, you and smokescreen stay here. we'll need you to man the ground bridge."

bumblebee nodded and got up to take his place next to the ground bridge controls. at the edge of his vision, ratchet saw jack, bike helmet on, climbing on arcee's alt mode, while miko hopped inside bulkhead's alt mode. he rolled his optics, exasperated, but not in the mood to tell the children off when he knew for a fact that they wouldn't listen.

bumblebee booted up the ground bridge, prompting optimus and ratchet to change into their alt modes. once bumblebee punched in the coordinates, the familiar swirling, green vortex of the ground bridge opened up before them. optimus took the lead, and ratchet, as usual, followed right behind him.

the ground bridge spat them out in the middle of a forest covered in snow. as dark as it was, the moonlight streaming between the branches helped illuminate their surroundings. aside from fallen pinecones and animal tracks, the only things disrupting the blanket of white were two sets of tire tracks, which changed into giant footprints once they went deeper in, where driving was more difficult.

"stay on your guard," optimus warned them as he changed into his bot mode. "they may be focused on each other, but we cannot afford to be careless."

ratchet changed into his bot mode shortly after, followed by bulkhead and arcee. the four bots trudged through the snow, following the tire tracks, with bulkhead and arcee carrying their humans on their shoulders.

"do you see that?" miko asked, pointing forward. ratchet looked up from the ground and saw what looked like a building in the distance, though ratchet couldn't make out the details from this far.

"that's our mech base, alright," arcee said. "there's nothing else it can be."

as they collectively picked up speed to get a better look, ratchet saw the destruction cylas and knock out had already wrought. the entrance to the building looked like it had been hacked open, most likely by knock out's buzzsaw. tire tracks scattered in all directions, though none of them looked like knock out's or cylas'. they were too small.

"whoever was here must've packed up and ran for it," ratchet guessed as he stepped through the destroyed entryway. sure enough, the area he'd stepped into looked like a garage, and only a few trucks had been left behind. the rest had all been taken, and which ones remained had been shoved aside or mangled in what must've been a fight. what remained of the base controls had been hurled aside and hacked through, rendering the base inoperable. part of the ceiling had been shot down, leaving a pile of concrete and twisted metal on the floor, partially covering the doorway to the next room.

"i'll go check out what's ahead," arcee said. she set jack down from her shoulder and crouched through what wasn't covered by ruin to scout what lay ahead.

"bulkhead, come with me," optimus said. "we need to see if cylas or knock out are still in the area."

the wrecker nodded and followed after optimus, setting miko on the ground before changing into his alt mode and following optimus outside. jack and miko followed after arcee, leaving ratchet to himself in the garage. as he looked around, he started to weave a possible narrative together in his mind's optic.

cylas must've come through this way to alert his agents, he guessed. knock out followed right behind him, and they must've gotten into it. that hole was probably from knock out trying to shoot cylas. knock out, i can understand, but why would cylas be coming here and not getting away as fast as he could?

"hey, ratchet!" jack's voice rang out from amid the rubble. "you might wanna come see this!"

ratchet turned in the direction of jack's voice. arcee crawled out of the rubble and started to clear a large enough path for ratchet, who, in turn, helped her pull apart the fallen concrete and metal. as the two bots worked, ratchet looked over to arcee. her face looked as confused as he felt, her brow scrunched up in bewilderment.

the two bots forced their way into... well, ratchet wasn't sure what it was. it looked somewhere between an abandoned hospital room and a ramshackle laboratory. jack shone his phone flashlight around the room, revealing a massive medical berth, fit for a large cybertronian, as well as a human sized bed nearby, oddly enough. along one wall hung a myriad of barbaric looking instruments which ratchet could only guess were for taking apart and examining cylas' hijacked body. feeling a draft coming from nearby, ratchet looked around and saw a hole big enough for him to walk through ripped from the wall, along with two sets of snowy footprints leading out.

"looks like we found where they went off to," he grumbled. "knock out isn't done with cylas, it looks like."

"i don't blame him," arcee said, raising an eyebrow. "i would've done the same for cliffjumper."

as ratchet continued to look around the room, something caught his attention; a doorway mostly covered by fallen equipment and concrete. curious as to what lay behind, ratchet hauled the mangled metal and chunks of concrete out of the way. maybe some mech agents had hunkered down in there, people who'd be able to give up any information on where cylas might've gone.

the doorway was tall enough for a bot like arcee to go through comfortably, but ratchet had to duck his way inside. to his surprise, this room seemed relatively untouched by the destruction outside. apart from dust shaken down from the ceiling, everything looked mostly intact, from the fluorescent lights on the ceiling (which ratchet accidentally bumped into upon first entering the room) and the human sized medical equipment. he couldn't understand it. was the human equipment for the mech agents, or was it for cylas? maybe both?

as he turned to his left, two things came into his vision. the first was what looked like a monitor displaying vital signs. he didn't know how human vitals would read compared to cybertronian vitals, so he didn't understand everything he saw, much to his dismay. after raf's poisoning, he'd promised himself that he'd learn more about human medicine; clearly, he hadn't learned enough.

the second was what something ratchet couldn't wrap his processor around. it looked almost like a cross between a table and one of those rolling chairs the kids liked to play around on. on top of the main part of the table was what looked like a clear tank with a myriad of wires and tubes either protruding from the tank itself or plugged into the table. one wall of the tank had two large holes in it. something lay inside it, but ratchet couldn't quite tell what it was, squinting against the glare of the fluorescent light reflecting against the top of the tank.

crouching down to get a closer look, ratchet leaned in closer - and felt his spark freeze up.

two sets of footsteps followed ratchet into the room. the voice of miko piped up, "ratchet? what is this place?"

"this looks like nicu equipment," jack pondered as he looked around the room. "what on earth is it doing here?"

"and how do you know that?" miko asked.

"mom's a nicu nurse, i know what that stuff looks like," jack replied.

"children," ratchet piped up, raising a servo to shush them. once they were quiet again, he slowly raised his servo to the side of the tank with the holes in it and gently pulled on it, causing it to slide downwards. once he got a better look at what was inside, ratchet's horrified expression melted into something furious.

"bumblebee," he said, trying to keep his voice as level as possible as he opened up his comms, "we need a groundbridge. optimus, we need to get back to base, now." turning his head to the side, he said, "jack, when we get back to jasper, we're going straight to the hospital."

"wait, why?" the boy asked, stepping forward to get a better look. "what's going on? is someone hurt?"

ratchet didn't say a word. he reached inside the tank and slid the interior bed out with one digit. summoning up every bit of care and caution in his body, ratchet picked up what lay on the bed and gently set it on his other servo. behind him, the kids craned their necks and stood on their toes for a better look. as ratchet slowly turned around to face the children, his expression shifted to something unusually calm, but the fist clenched at his side revealed his righteous fury.

in his servo, wrapped in nothing but a thin blanket, lay a tiny human baby, asleep and shivering against the freezing cold air.

author's note: i told you i came up with a plot for this fucking crackfic idea. now to get started on the next chapter. (is this crack taken seriously?? idek anymore. i can't write just a goofy dumb fic. i've gotta do something else with it)

[dramaticallytotal]

"I'm Just An Assistant"

Another au where Noah was always an assistant instead of a competitor!

He had sent in his application as a dare from his sister Nisha, but his sister Neelima thought it was a job application and wanted to help him fill it out since the things he put as his skills weren't....work material. She thought Noah was just being nervous about filling out the resume since the last job he got was by total accident because he at six decided it was a good idea to hack a site he thought needed improvement. So Neelima put all the skills he had that she thought would be good for a job.

Turns out it wasn't a resume. It was an application for a reality TV show. Haha...Oops.

Well Noah wasn't mad, he tried and that was a lot more than he usually did so he counted it as a win until he got Chris McLean, former movie star and current reality TV host show up at his house. He had to take the "meeting" in his room because his grandma was, unfortunately, a fan of Chris's movies. Apparently, they were some of the first things she watched when they immigrated, and she was learning English. Once they were settled in his room (which he thankfully cleaned that day since his mom looked ready to smack him with the broom earlier that morning when she came in to tell him something and she almost tripped on one of his piles of books) Noah glared at the man and his...bodyguard?? The man was huge, but he was also wearing an apron and a chef hat, which kind of threw off the bodyguard guess.

"Well? I got the rejection letter, and I doubt you're the type of person to come do it in person as well without having a reason."

"Ooooo, snarky! Hear that Chef? The kids got snark."

"Are you surprised? I hardly hid who I was in the auditioned tape."

"Too true, dude. While we rejected you as a contestant, the resume-like portion of your application caught our attention. Or well, I guess I should say, my attention." Chris said in a tone that Noah guessed was supposed to garner gratefulness from him.

But something stuck out to him.

"Resume-like?"

"Yeah! I always carry copies of things. Here!"

Noah looked down to his application, and sure enough, part of it was filled out like a resume, and he immediately recognized Neelima's handwriting. He tried to explain that to Chris, but the dude was a stubborn ass! It took a lot of arguing, and Chris sweetening the pot for Noah to say yes to becoming Chris's personal assistant. Apparently, he recognized that Noah was way more qualified than an intern, so at least he was getting paid.

In the end, he got to stay in the fancy cabin with Chris and Chef, so he wasn't complaining (he may have complained a bit until he saw where the campers were staying). For the most part, he didn't interact with the campers except the rare occasions Chris needed him to get something for him before the cameras started rolling and he was in front of them. He stayed there at the campsite until things at Playa Des Losers started going to shit because the interns there apparently couldn't do their job, and some campers started fighting.

Chris got so frustrated he sent Noah to take care of things. Noah thought maybe it was a test of sorts, so he unfortunately had to put in effort. He was used to being in charge and delegating tasks, thanks to being his class president, and set about to do the same at the resort. Miraculously, the interns listened to him, and things started running smoothly. As for the campers, he decided they were in need of his wonderful self. Either to talk some sense into them or snark them for their choices.

He ends up making friends with the Eva girl, which is a surprise as he doesn't really have many friends. Then Izzy, which was a big surprise. Then the finale came, and he got to meet Owen, and somehow, they were fast friends.

Season two kicked off fast, and it was the season he unfortunately was seen by the viewers because Chris needed help with a challenge, and no intern was available, so it fell on him to pick up the slack. Apparently, the viewers liked him???? He doesn't know how, but Chris made him appear in front of the camera a lot more as a result.

Then season 3 was in full swing, thanks to the Dirtbags bait, which may or may not have been his idea. He had to appear on camera a lot more since he was somehow a fan favorite character. It was dumb but hey, he was getting paid. He at least got to interact with the contestants this season, which he was happy about, given he couldn't do it until people were eliminated season one and two. And he wasn't allowed to interact during the competition. This season, though, he got to as long as he didn't offer help or join an alliance. The perks of being a fan favorite, he guessed.

Heather and Duncan still tried to intimidate him for information, which he thought was stupid. Like, have they never met him??? Of course, it didn't work, and of course, he knew they wouldn't give up. He was happy he could talk more openly with Owen, Izzy, and Eva. He did talk to more people, but they were the ones he found himself talking with the most, which meant he was around the new competitor Alejandro a lot.

He knew what he was about. He sometimes had to watch the confessions as punishment for pranking Chris with Chef. So he knew how Alejandro worked. So why was the guy flirting with him???

Did he really think his moves would work on him and he would help him in the competition???

Pathetic.

Except the guy is really smart, and they have very interesting discussions and debates.

Sad.

Except the guy is ridiculously attractive and maybe sort of Noah's type.

Desperate.

Except the guy makes time to search out Noah every day and have chats with him. Whether it be something small like what Noah is reading to swearing to him that any flirting he sees is for the game.

Silly.

Except...Noah may be falling for him.

_______

Au, where Noah was always an assistant and Alejandro falls for said assistant like immediately. He sees the other competitors are familiar with him and decided to ask Courtney about him since Courtney is one of the only people on this plane who can hold a normal conversation.

"Sorry to disturb you, Courtney, but I was simply curious as to who that is beside Chris?"

"Hm? Oh, him. That's Noah, Chris's babysitter - oops, I mean personal assistant. Don't bother trying to get answers or hints from him. He's a snarky ass." (Courtney holds a grudge from past seasons. From Island because Noah threatened to sue her! Her! For "destruction of property." In Action because he was definitely playing up the demands she made after she came back. It painted a target on her back).

Alejandro with heart eyes already: "Oh."

[thedustyleaves]

Do you have any tip (or like a book rec) for composition and/or perspective? I'd like to improve that skills but I dont even know where to start 😭

Oh boy, I'm not sure if the way I do it is the best way 🥲. I avoid studying art like the plague in the traditional sense. I don't look up tutorials, read art books, or use grids for perspectives because I straight up don't understand them. That way of working, where you break down the steps in such a methodical way, doesn't work for me. The few times I've tried to use a grid, it ended up looking so wrong to me, and I couldn't make it work, hah! Whenever I've tried to take a 'study' approach to my art, it has stunted my progress and taken the joy out of it.

I wing it a lot. Sometimes I take photos of various items like cups and books and use them as perspective lines because I like a very tactile and hands-on approach to feeling out the composition in real life. The same goes for reference photos for anatomy —I try to understand it in a physical way by moving around myself and sometimes filming or taking photos of myself, but most of the time, I just wing it!

For this piece, I just closed my eyes and prayed. One of the easiest ways for me to build up a composition, is by stacking things and avoiding the floor (it's basically cheating, hah). It makes it look like you know what you're doing when really, you don't. I stacked the front of the boat in front of the mast, which is in front of the tentacle, and so on. Then I just gradually made things smaller as they moved further away until it felt right, rather than being accurate. And if you tilt the composition a bit (this one tilts a bit to the left) and make the characters overlap, then BAM, it looks like it's all intentional.

For this one, I took a picture of the bottom corner of my shelf with a wide-angle, to get the floor right because my brain couldn't comprehend it 🤔

I do study art somewhat by actively observing and breaking down pieces I love that are made by other artists. For example, when I started drawing my comic, I read all of One Piece and Fullmetal Alchemist and took my time to understand their panelling and the tricks they used. I'd stop and look at a page, really taking my time to understand how they were telling the story. I was surprised to find that sometimes they barely drew anything at all for several panels, yet I was never in doubt about who was talking and where they were.

I think, by looking at my art, you can tell that I grew up with Oda's illustrations. I still love how vibrant and well-composed they are, especially how he plays with perspective until it feels right and looks amazing, even if it doesn’t always make anatomical or logical sense. That's the vibe I'm going for as well—just mashing things around until I feel good about it.

One thing that really helped me was letting go of the idea that it has to be perfect or always make sense. For example, this Halloween piece is one of my personal favorites, but if you look at Dakon's foot for too long, you can tell that it's way too small and doesn't match the perspective at all. However, I was satisfied with the overall feeling of the piece, so I just left it.

The only time I've ever "studied" anything art-related was when I went to film school for animation and learned how to animate in 3D, and let me tell you, what a fucking scam. You can learn all of that, and more, just by watching YouTube videos (which I did, lol).

I feel like that wasn't very helpful at all 😭 Is there a particular piece you're curious about, maybe? I'm always ready to break down my pieces and explain how I go about composing them!

[mysteryanimator]

Myst rambles about animation longer then they should + their love for Nocturne whoops

I keep thinking about the animation industry as of late again, all the layoffs, all the animators looking for jobs. So I might just be speaking to a void right now. I have not experienced any of the drought so I just may look doe-eyed trying to break into a disaster zone but I’m just here to offer that newbie perspective, as naive as it may seem. I’m gonna try and keep this short (whoops a lie) but if you can see where this is going, this is just going to be me talking about the impact Nocturne has on me, aka rewriting the abhorrent Twitter thread/Instagram post where I free-formed without checking my grammar. 

As someone who is pursuing animation, I have watched A LOT of animated shows growing up, I swear it was the only medium I did watch growing up. I made scuffed animatics and animations of the current show I was watching, not realizing they counted as love letters to the media. Yet, the animation industry scared me. It was so elusive and mysterious. The bar seemed too high, even when I decided to choose to study it at university. It seemed so out of reach.

Until Nocturne. 

Castlevania Nocturne practically humanized the industry to me. These people were fans of their own creations. They breathe life into them. All the character sheets that popped into my timeline, the rough cuts, all the silly memes. Something that seemed impossible became possible within an instant. My skills at the time were not what they are now by any means, hell even now I could be better, but, I looked at that show and went “I can do that. If they can do it, maybe there’s a chance I could do something like that.” I think it helps I am at a stage of my life where I can consciously consume content and have the ability to break it down.

Also, let's be so honest, it's combined with the fact that I fell in love with Mizrak and Olrox's plot... you get a very insane person. Passionate but insane. Who spends their entire day going frame by frame reanalysing 10 minutes of an episode? ME. Despite this, I have learned so much more than all my years at university have given me. I have become a genuinely better animator and a better artist. My understanding of animation finally clicked. I knew I was built for animation but didn’t know how I fit into it. I’m constantly on YouTube, absorbing information from YouTube channels like Dong Chang, wandering around Discord Sakuga servers/twitter, and taking notes. I'm still worried about bothering other people in the industry/more technically skilled than me but I think I'm getting slowly better and going "Hey I love your work! How did you achieve x/y/z? OH!? Can you explain what this means?" because again, these are just people like you and me.

So every single Mizrak and Olrox animation I’ve made has not only been a love letter to the show, and crew of people who put their heart and soul into making this, but these animations have been a testament to my skills. Take it like a capsule of how I’m improving every month. I will admit I sometimes get weirded out of the fan content I make, albeit a combination of low confidence, and imposter syndrome, and now my animation style has just become very synonymous with the nocturne style. These ‘cons’ however do get outweighed by the pros of it all. Finally finding a style that I find goes hand in hand with my illustration style (and I can't wait to see how I can evolve it into my own) and the bouts of self-doubt are vast and temporary. I am super grateful that I can look at my work in times of doubt and go “Literally anything is possible, let me put on a show that explores this certain animation principle/story beat in a particular way, and let me study it!"

It's super embarrassing to admit but Nocturne has genuinely changed the trajectory of my life. I am genuinely a whole new person with such a different outlook on animation because of this show. Yes, I am creative through and through, you cannot separate that from my blood, but Nocturne solidified that “You are exactly where you need to be”. The industry is in shambles, with people now reaching a year+ jobless, and contracts are ending, yet, if Nocturne genuinely wasn’t released at the end of September, I do not think any of this would've clicked.

(Backed up by the very fact I am/was directing a short and running a genuine studio when Nocturne came out. I was very unconfident at the time and doubted myself a lot in private since it was my first time doing any of this. This show helped me solidify a new perspective on how to run things! How to be a stronger animator!)

Now again, this is such a crazy thing to say now. I'm watching people from the show I love have their contracts ending/being laid off since last year. I swear every second tweet on my tl is of an animator desperately looking for a job or on the verge of giving up. Me, Mystery, is an animator with no skin in the game, so I don't truly know what the Western animation industry looks like from the inside besides what I get from social media. Let’s be honest, for all you know, I just animate two characters kissing constantly. That is merely the surface of its impact. HEY, I MAY DELETE THIS B4 ANYONE SEES BECAUSE THIS IS KINDA EMBARASSING, the industry sucks right now. People are losing their jobs, so what I’m saying may not matter, but also I think it does maybe? I think this is just a unique perspective to where people are losing faith and hope in the animation, I re-sparked my thanks to Nocturne. Who knows, I may lose this spark as I go further into trying to break into the industry once I'm out of uni, but I’ll take what I have now and ride this new bout of inspiration and creativity. I want to tell stories. I want to bring life to still images. I know it's possible because Nocturne exists. These are real people who exist, who put their love and care into this show. Passion like that is inspiring.

I also somehow can't escape these people reading this, so if you have made it this far- thank you for making this show the way you have! Thank you to all the people both still in it and to others who have had to part with Nocturne. I will admit I have gone through the credits and made sure I could try and learn from everyone's work despite how unique/different each role is.

I hope my grammar is better than last time HAHAH, the technicality of English isn't a strong suit of mine but fingers crossed that the ideas/content are still passable.

[jinxed-ninjago]

One thing I don't think we speculate/theorize/discuss/whatever enough is how Plundar would interact with the team on a more casual basis and vice versa (I'm specifying Plundar because with Wyldfyre's existence I feel like we can get a loose idea of how Korgran would interact with the team on a more casual basis and vice versa because I think Korgran and Wyldfyre have similar attitudes [although Korgran is definitely more chill than Wyldfyre], and I don't think Fungus would be much different considering how he interacts with the rest of the Upply, Cole, Wu, and Vania casually).

So Plundar interacting with the rest of the ninja:

We know Kai was likely jealous that Cole "had a crew" when Plundar introduced himself as "part of Cole's crew" so if we go off of that, I feel like Kai and Plundar would have a rivalry going on. Would it be one-sided on Kai's end? Probably, let's be honest. The idea is really funny. BUT I also really like the idea of Plundar finding worn out daggers and swords in the mines under Shintaro Mountain when he goes spelunking with the Upply and taking them to the monastery for Kai to restore. Still rivals but Kai appreciates Plundar giving him weapons to restore in the monastery's forge. Maybe Plundar even takes the weapons to Kai for him to restore in an attempt to demonstrate that the one-sided rivalry he has going on is fucking dumb lol.

Everyone else is gonna be significantly harder just because they don't really interact with Plundar canonically (Jay's only interaction with Plundar is screaming when he sees Adam then questioning who the Upply are, Nya's only interaction with him is asking who he is, and Lloyd and Zane don't interact with him at all). I will do my best however because the idea of Plundar interacting with these goofs is great.

Lloyd would probably be more skeptical of him at first, just because that's how Lloyd is. Statistically speaking, even if one of the ninja makes a new friend or ends up with a love interest who is briefly evil but ends up on their side in the end, they're still on the villain's side at some point to an extent, and I don't doubt that Lloyd would extend this sentiment to Lloyd. It happened with Zane and Pixal, it happened with Kai and Skylor (and there it resulted in Kai getting briefly corrupted), it happened with Lloyd himself and Harumi, basically you can count on ninja love interests starting out in league with the villains/villainous factions so I wouldn't doubt that Lloyd would be distrusting of Plundar, especially since Plundar's a thief. Cue Plundar trying way too hard to gain Lloyd's trust, and Cole trying to explain to Plundar "you're fine, he's just like this, he'll come around eventually as long as you aren't horrible."

I feel like Plundar would probably troll Jay all the time. Plundar's a thief who probably aces his stealth checks every time AND canonically Cole brought him on a stealth mission, you can't tell me he wouldn't tease the shit out of Jay using his stealth. It's probably more in an "I see you as a little brother so I'm gonna tease you relentlessly" way and not from a place of malice. Jay, who is used to getting this kind of shit but from a meaner verbal place from Kai, probably doesn't mind and tells Plundar when he needs a break from it.

Plundar and Nya would probably do a lot of sparring. Canonically, Nya's always looking for ways she can improve her skills, and having a stealthy thief around to help combat stealth would probably lead to a lot of sparring between the two. Outside of that, Plundar would probably be in the same spot as Cole and see her as a younger sister.

Plundar's been underground for YEARS, bro would be absolutely fascinated by both Zane and Pixal and I think they'd both be 100% down to answer any questions he has, whether it be about their mechanics, their programming, or really anything. Even if the question would be something the others would call invasive, they're patient and understanding because they understand it's new to Plundar.

I think Plundar should've interacted with the rest of the team more, I genuinely feel like we were robbed of some interactions that could've been pure gold (ESPECIALLY with Plundar and Kai) lmao

[sanityshorror]

I have the real scoop on Slime.

He's better than you at art, writing, and being a human being in general.

Don't tell anyone. It's confidential!

Huffing copium, I see. Look, Mr Wolf, I rarely would say this to anyone. Yes, this is going to sound egotistical as shit, but I am not speaking to ANYONE other than you. SO... Rather than just being a snarky little fuck like usual, I'm going to be fucking blunt and give you the goddamn truth which you already know - and things you likely don't:

I am more talented, skilled, intelligent and a far, far better human than you are, in every single goddamn way possible, you will NEVER be remotely comparable to me in any manner. You are nothing more than a piece of shit on my shoe. Actually. That's insulting to shit. You are so far beneath me, and you know it - but you don't even know how far.

You are a 44 year old man still in, and not just in, but chronically online and invested in fucking creepypasta. Your entire, pathetic life revolves around it and stalking teenage girls.

I am two entire ass decades younger than you and already in the serious process of building a career in the creative arts. And you are sorely mistaken if you think that the creative arts is the only field I have experience and education in.

Tell, me, Christopher, what is the 4th dimension, and how is it theorized (practically proven) to function? What is the double slit experiment and what were the results? Explain quantum entanglement. Explain the difference between classic and quantum physics. What actually occurs at the event horizon of a black hole? Explain how time travel is a real thing and exactly how it happens and is possible. At least tell me what the drake equation is and give it your best shot solving it. How about AI, and the importance of alignment?

Please, go on. Tell me about all that, in your own words. I will know if you are copy and pasting or simply rewording an article. These are just a few things I am highly educated on.

Or, would you like to talk about nuclear science? Again, I'm highly educated on this as well.

Maybe, ancient Rome? What about the Younger Dryas, and the many theories surrounding it. Gobekli Tepe, and the significance of it? We can talk about that.

What about survivalism? You know how to do that?

Hell, we can even debate politics! I have experience in national level political campaigns!

You mistook me for stupid, that was a huge mistake.

Oh, and as for being a better person? I spend time volunteering to help real victims in crisis, because helping others is something I'm incredibly passionate about.

Doubt me on any of this, that's fine. I can easily prove that I am not lying about my knowledge on any of this.

I'm far from the most intelligent person. Far from the best artist and author. I have so much to learn and improve on. I'm only 25, after all. I know enough to know how little I truly know. But Christopher, you make me look like fucking Einstein. And there is not a single other person I would say this too.

Suck my fat cock.✌️

[real-live-human]

Requesting that you talk about Finch

sniles at you.

ok so first up: a disclaimer that finch has had and likely will continue to have her story rewritten in pretty significant ways, so. no promises as to how much of this stays accurate or will line up with whatever i've said in the past. also secondary disclaimer that in the interest of getting to write more i will be making this more or less a completely comprehensive infodump on everything i have on her at present, so who knows how organised it'll end up.

so! the very basic introduction is that finch is a kholo - the term being taken from pathfinder 2e's renamed gnolls, but basically think big anthro hyena people. she was initially a dnd character, and i still have her set in a broadly medieval-fantasy-ish world, although she isn't really bound to the specifics of any published rpg system or setting these days. she's on the short and scrawnier end for her people, but still damn big next to a human, and in addition to being a skilled fighter, has gotten by thanks to (somewhat poorly-defined) magical abilities. (more on that later!)

finch's life can more or less be characterised by both being a victim of circumstance, and tending to not make very good choices. one older detail i'm debating whether or not to keep "canon" is that basically, when she was born, a disease swept through her clan, killing a lot of cubs and new mothers. while obviously nobody could really blame her for that, it did lead to people considering her to have been born under a bad sign, so to speak. either way, her early life was... not great. while fairly communal and focused on supporting everyone in the clan, kholo culture can also tend to be a bit of a meritocracy where anyone who isn't "pulling their weight" gets looked down on. finch, as the runt of her litter and permanently affected by the aforementioned childhood illness (if we keep that canon), was just never as big or strong as others her age. this also led to a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy, where others' disdain for her caused her to isolate herself, which in such a community-focused culture, did not improve anyone's opinion.

what changed was another kholo named blackthorn (just thorn when she met finch - kholos get their second and eventually third names at major milestones). she was a mirror of finch in a lot of ways - well respected, strong, one of her generation's up and coming hunters. for reasons nobody else could really explain, the two actually got on really well together, and blackthorn came to be the one person finch really considered a friend. finch was still not broadly popular, but through a mixture of social connections via blackthorn and actually believing that maybe she wasn't destined to fuck everything up, things started to look up for finch. she gained status as a reasonably talented hunter, and despite remaining a bit of a black sheep, became somewhat more respected, if not always liked.

from her status as my official Angst Character, you will not be surprised to learn that this did not last. something happened - in earlier versions of her story, she gets a family member killed on a hunt and spirals right back into self-doubt, but i'm not too sure on the specifics as of now. regardless of what it was, finch's good fortune and reputation began to turn. i mentioned that kholo society's focus on supporting the clan as a whole has its darker side, and eventually finch came to be seen as a threat, having become more reckless and endangered her clanmates while out hunting. blackthorn found out that the oussla (essentially the leading council) planned to put her on trial for these charges, and told finch as much.

she took this about as well as you might guess. finch had been meant to be taken to trial the next morning, and so that night, just before dawn, she tried to slip out unnoticed. blackthorn caught up to her, and this led to a confrontation. blackthorn was convinced that she could vouch for finch and talk the oussla down from the usual penalties of execution or exile, but finch was sick of trying to rely on the clan's rules. when finch refused to stay, blackthorn tried to stop her, the two got into a brief fight, and after injuring blackthorn, finch managed to escape into the night. she would never see her clan again.

unfortunately, life outside the clan is not particularly easy. as i mentioned, the details of the broader setting are still pretty blurry, but humans and whatever other sapients exist tend to be disposed to see kholos as monstrous, or even outright demons. so finch managed to get by in self-imposed exile, although not without frequent conflict with human society. eventually, in a scrap with some soldiers after being caught stealing food, she was very nearly killed - she took a spear-butt to the head, was knocked down, and by all rights should have been skewered then and there. what changed her fortune this time could not have possibly been blackthorn.

time seemed to stop, and the entire world was coated in a haze of ash and smoke. a figure appeared out of the smoke, and although it was impossible to distinguish as more than a blurry silhouette, finch could swear it sounded just like blackthorn. it told her that if she wanted to survive, to not die at the end of some human's spear in a back-alley in the middle of nowhere, it could help her - but only if she let it. by all rights, she probably should have been more hesitant of it, but it sounded so much like her, and she wanted so badly to believe that blackthorn had found her somehow, that she accepted. an instant later, as the spearman tried to finish off his quarry, she seemed to dissipate into smoke for just a moment, long enough to flow up past his weapon and get her teeth into him.

this is where we get to her poorly-defined magic, mentioned earlier. the thing-that-is-not-blackthorn seems to have granted her some ability to phase in and out of solidity, vanishing into smoke and dust just long enough to slip past all manner of dangers. what exactly the being-that-could-not-have-been-blackthorn gets out of this "deal" is unclear, partially intentionally on my part, and partially because i have yet to work it out. using this magic too much does seem to take a toll on finch's health, burning through her own energy, but any strict benefit to that-which-she-desperately-wants-to-think-is-blackthorn is unclear. however, if it wasn't already obvious, it absolutely is not blackthorn - it may be some sort of amalgam of all of finch's guilt and fear and anger taken metaphysical form, or perhaps it's something entirely distinct from her, just taking the form of the only friend she ever had to manipulate her! the possibilities are numerous.

i. thiiiink that covers everything? there's a few miscellaneous notes i could add (like how finch is still just finch whereas thorn became blackthorn represents finch's disconnect from her own people, having never had that naming ceremony, or that i am partially ripping off how spirits work from a webcomic i really liked about 10 years ago) but if you want to know Who Finch Is and What's Her Deal, i'm pretty sure this covers it all. many thanks for asking :3

[ceoofself]

Should You Really Be An Entrepreneur?

When you think about the words “competition” or “success,” what does that really mean to you? If you ask around, it doesn’t take long to figure out that these words ring differently in the ears of those who take time to ponder them. We are living in a culture of racing to the top, keeping up with the Joneses, and the overall rat race! There is no doubt that we should all look at ourselves and strive to be the best version of self possible. There is a healthy balance however, that is less talked about and needs some attention. That is my goal and what I am seeking to analyze and explain. 

Our whole life is a process of development. Since we were small children and growing up, it has been a journey of development. Every human being is on a different stage of that process at any given time in their lives. It all starts with the basics, then moves into learning more complex skill sets. Of course some are more naturally gifted with certain traits than others. This affects the amount of effort one might need to exert in order to achieve their next goal in life. 

When we become adults we are expected by society to contribute in a meaningful way and become productive members of the system. We have different careers and specific jobs for different skill levels. As adults we begin to see the hierarchy very clearly and recognize where we fall within that paradigm.

We as individuals make personal decisions that affect where we will fall on that hierarchy. This depends on so many other factors that must not be ignored such as education, parenting, financial status, skill development, mental health, etc. The list goes on! It also has an element of chance, Sometimes we are at the right time and right place for an opportunity to present itself. This notion is really a science due to the complexity. It is not always straightforward. Yes, if you work hard and make the best decisions in front of you, you increase your chances of success. If you make poor decisions, then you increase your chances of failure. There is no doubt about that. However, nothing in this life is certain. Neither is success.

Now that a foundation has been laid out, let us pivot. We live in a society where being an entrepreneur or being the boss is the glamorous life that we all need to aim for. We are sold on the idea that we need to not just work hard, but work HARDER! We are told that we need to not just want our needs met but we need to want MORE! So many of these personalities also say things along the lines of you are a loser if you don’t strive for those things in life. I find that to be an extremely narcissistic and shallow way of viewing it. 

I will now submit the idea that there is a spectrum we should be aware of. On the very left we will see those who perhaps do not have the highest level of resources, skills, or motivation. Maybe it is a combination of all. As you move to the right, you see an increase in available resources, skills, and motivation. Also an increase in education, income, and overall financial success. Also within that spectrum there is a certain level of progressive prestige associated with certain places as you move along to the right. That is what is obvious to me. I am an analyst attempting to make sense of this world and explain it to everyday people that care to listen. I call it the way I see it. 

Where on the spectrum are you? We all fall somewhere on it. We may not consciously think about it, but it is there. So many are being motivated to get as far to the right on that spectrum as possible without taking into consideration other factors. I agree that if the option to improve your life is available, then take it. For most of us living in the west, that option exists. Even if it is just a little bit of improvement available. We can open up a business, obtain a well paying position, get a promotion, or get two jobs. Some of these ways of improving will be more sacrificial to one than it would be to another. As we have stated before, we all start in a different place with different resources, environments, and skills. 

When we take our place in society. We are now somewhere on that spectrum. If you are the person who is living in poverty, go and follow some advice that will increase your chances to lift you out of it. If you are in the middle and just wish to increase your financial position, then go get it. If you are a trillionaire running businesses blindfolded, then more power to you. We should all respect each other and realize  where we stand. This life we live and our financial system is like a game of monopoly. Whether you want to play or not, you are a piece on the game board. Some know all the ins and outs while others are oblivious to the fact that it is a game. However, it is more than just a game. There are real life consequences. It is better to understand what the rules are though than to not. 

The most important thing to consider is overall well being. For the person struggling financially, then it is absolutely essential to find ways to improve their living situation by any honest means. For those who perhaps are working class trying to make their way into the middle class that is fine as long as it is done in a healthy way. The reality is, not everyone will be rich. You don’t need to be rich to be happy. That is the lie being sold to us today. We are told to just keep pressing and keep trying and one day it will happen. That is not always the case. 

Being an entrepreneur in our society is something to be respected as other players in our society such as teachers, doctors, construction workers, or even barbers. The truth is, that not every entrepreneur is going to be successful. It is by nature a risky career path. Most businesses fail rather than succeed. The statistics are out there. You can google them for yourself. Entrepreneurship is not for the faint of heart. I respect what they do by providing value and available resources where the market has a need. The entrepreneur way of life is not for everyone. Just like other careers do not fit the lifestyle of certain personality types. Not everyone could nor should be one. I say this to confront that false notion that is being pressed onto our young men and women today. Don’t misunderstand what I am saying. It is okay to motivate others to become a business owner, but not everyone is suited for it. When it is overemphasized it does society a disservice. It steers so many away from what their true calling is. It causes young people to have false expectations of self. I believe it is honorable to discuss the good, bad, and ugly surrounding the way of life of an entrepreneur. 

Sure if you put in an 18 hour day and work on your business, then maybe you will increase your chances of being a prosperous business. However, does that make you happy? If the answer is yes, then all power to you. If that is your version of a fulfilling life, then great! However, not everyone has the dream of putting that many hours into merely achieving astronomic financial success. Some people value their time more than their money. Some people would rather use their time building their career while serving someone else's business. So long as their contributions are recognized, they are satisfied. Not everyone wants the weight of business ownership on their shoulders. There are powerful ways to serve in supporting roles.  

I have heard these famous motivators online spew out the disgust in the idea of working for someone else. These large business owners seem to speak down on the very employees that work for them. They essentially call them lazy and unmotivated because they do not have a business of their own. They point their bony fingers and say things like, “you will never be enough until you achieve what I have.”  

There are plenty of us out here who are more than capable of starting or running a business. However, there is a respect for that level of challenge and we choose a different path to follow. In speaking to honest entrepreneurs, they talk about the long hours, and anxiety that go into their work. They speak about the beginning when their efforts are not always fully monetized. Some also admit to the fears surrounding the possibility of failure within the business world. These are all factors to consider when deciding if running a business is the right thing to do. This is the dark part of entrepreneurship that is not revealed enough by the gurus online. 

The idea of serving others is what we should be motivated by. That can mean running a business to serve a cause. Sometimes that means being gainfully employed for someone else. Or maybe that also means volunteering with a non-profit. Is there something wrong with joining a cause and wishing to contribute skills towards its success? That is exactly what being employed is meant to be. Not everyone needs to run a multimillion dollar company. Imagine if everyone did. That would be terrible and quite frankly is not practical. Many people are more than happy making a six figure income working for someone else while going back home to shut it all off. Some would rather make 50k annually as an entrepreneur than to make 100k annually as an employee. Whatever floats your boat. If you want to take that risk by earning less now, so that you can earn more later, do you! Some of us just want to run this race slowly and steady. Does that make us less of a productive member of society? I would argue not. 

We all need to reflect on what kind of life we want to build. If that means creating and running a business and that makes you happy, go for it! If that means being a school teacher, awesome! Maybe it means working as an executive for a company, that’s a great career also! I am all for self help and development, but this obsession with constantly competing with others is becoming toxic. Let us all choose where we want to be on the spectrum. Competition is a blessing because we can always strive to improve. On the other hand that very blessing can certainly go too far and become a curse. When we can balance our health, finances, relationships, and peace of mind I find that to be real success. You and I both have what it takes to build our best life. Let us do it together!

[benayoung]

* ❁┆the crown

call it strange, but nayoung finds a much easier time getting along with the boys in the competition. maybe it’s because they aren’t exactly competition, at least not compared to the girls. she doubts she’ll be fighting the boys to get into a group, but you never know.

either way, she’s actually happy for junho when he becomes the male center. she didn’t really know the guy that got her into boxing several months ago had any interest in music and performing, let alone that he was any good at it, but as far as nayoung is concerned, his first place position is well-deserved. she can accept when talented people do better than her; most of the time. junho is probably even more skilled than her, and she wonders how; what is his background, exactly? she found out her coworker was a former idol through this show, so everyone is full of surprises.

either way, during a break in group rehearsals for my turn, she’s happy to spot the man of the hour and scurry over to him. “junho,” she greets him with a smile and a bow. “i’m sure you’re popular, but i wanted to congratulate you on your center position. you rose a lot.”

honestly, this process is a bit stressful for her, especially now, with a challenge she thought should be her specialty only netting her eighth place. she doubts that will cut it when it comes to the judges choosing winners at the end of this. at least it’s an improvement for her first ranking, she supposes. if she rises three more spots this episode as well, she’ll make it to top five, but she doesn’t feel as confident about her rapping.

ultimately, it all makes her want to punch something, but she doesn’t know if on camera is the place to ask junho if he wants to hit the gym with her sometime after filming. that time might be better spent practicing, anyway, but nayoung has a feeling she’ll need to get some anger out of her system before she can be a proper team player anyway.

“i haven’t seen you at the gym lately,” is what she settles on instead. it’s innocuous, and gives the rolling cameras some context, should they discuss this further. granted, mnet will probably take it out of context anyway, but oh well. she wonders if junho cares about the light he’s painted in as little as she does. she can’t explain it, but she always felt like they might have more in common than they know.

something else they have in common: being on rap teams, she remembers suddenly. “it seems like we’ll be competing against each other this round,” she points out with another smile. it’s not as vicious as it usually would be.

* ❁┆ @bejun​

[yesact]

Prince-Origin

Ch5-The Inner World Of Prince

Prince sat in silence, lost in his thoughts as he tried to make sense of the recent events and revelations. His mind wandered, filled with the same doubts and fears that had plagued him for years.

"You can't survive in this world if you can't communicate," he thought to himself. "You'll be a failure if you don't sharpen your communication skills. If you can't explain your feelings, you're useless."

The weight of his negative thoughts bore down on him. He had often found that these thoughts were more accurate than the positive ones. Even when he tried to stay motivated and avoid self-criticism, there were always people around to remind him of his perceived uselessness.

"Even if I try my best, something always happens to show me that I'm useless," he pondered. "In the real world, things don't go the way you want them to. The system dictates the outcome, sometimes in your favor and sometimes against you."

Year after year, Prince tried to improve himself, hoping to present a new personality whenever he went to a new place. But people quickly saw through him, recognizing his introverted, sensitive, and nervous nature. They didn't give him a chance to show anything different. When people tried to interact with him, he often ignored them or replied with a few words, sometimes wanting to open up but finding no one interested in him.

"I am also a human being like others," he thought. "I want to interact, to enjoy, to be part of social events, to share in others' happiness and sadness. I want to be famous, to achieve success, to fulfill my dreams. But these things feel fake to me because I can't say there isn't anyone who understands me. There are people like me, but I am not like other people. They are useful in some way, but I am totally useless."

Prince felt trapped in his own mind, unable to achieve anything. He knew self-criticism was harmful, but he couldn't escape the feeling that he was trying to fit into a world that wasn't made for him.

"Though I've met good, kind-hearted, supportive, and caring people, I can't help them. They never ask for my help."

He had weird traits he tried to turn into strengths, but they always felt like burdens. He had no skill he could master, nothing special about him except his uselessness. People always saw him as different, making an image of him he couldn't escape. Communicating was difficult, even when necessary. He lacked confidence in his words and actions, afraid of how others would react.

"Living in this world requires more social skills than any other. Can an introvert be successful in life?" he questioned. "I think they can be, but they have to act a little extroverted, or maybe more."

Even trying didn't yield results. He always ended up back at the starting point, needing to start over. He had reasons for his actions and words, like why he didn't talk much, but he couldn't explain them. Inside, he knew his biggest fear was separation.

"My fears, my sensitivity, and emotional nature make me a useless person. My sensitivity is so high I can't control it. I can't tolerate being yelled at. It's better to hurt me physically than emotionally."

He had so many problems and wanted something good about himself. But it wasn't there. People always told him to speak louder. He felt disappointed when he had to speak in front of a group. The pressure was too much, his mind would stop working, and he couldn't speak a single word. In the end, they accepted that he was useless.

"I want out of this world," he thought. "People are good, but we can't coordinate. These negative thoughts are temporary but leave a huge question mark on my existence and a heavy regret."

But now, he had an opportunity he never expected. "Who are these creatures? Where am I? Am I really useful to them? Maybe I have another reason to live. This might change everything."

Grein entered the room, sensing the turmoil within Prince. He approached with a gentle smile and placed a reassuring hand on Prince's shoulder.

"Prince," Grein began softly, "I know this is overwhelming. You have been through so much, and it's natural to feel lost. But you are not useless. You are here because you are needed. We see something special in you, even if you don't see it in yourself yet."

Prince looked up, his eyes filled with uncertainty. Grein continued, "We believe in you. You have the strength and potential to make a difference. You are not alone anymore. We are here with you, and we will help you find your way."

Prince felt a small spark of hope ignite within him. For the first time in a long while, he felt a sense of belonging.

To ensure that Prince's family wouldn't worry about his sudden disappearance, the group devised a plan. They decided to send back a substitute of Prince to Zureryo. This duplicate would take Prince's place, mimicking his daily routines and interactions.

"We'll send back a substitute of you," Grein explained. "This way, your family won't worry. The substitute will take your place and maintain your presence there while you are here with us."

Prince nodded, feeling a mix of relief and apprehension. The idea of a substitute reassured him, allowing him to focus on the task ahead without the burden of worrying about his family.

Author's Note:

In this chapter, we delve deeper into Prince's internal struggles and fears. The weight of his thoughts and the pressures he feels are brought to the forefront, providing a more intimate look at his character. The chapter ends with a glimmer of hope as Prince begins to see a potential new purpose in his life. The introduction of Grein's comforting presence and the plan to send a substitute back to Zureryo adds a layer of complexity and reassurance. The journey is far from over, and Prince's growth and self-discovery will continue to unfold.

[frenchlilcoconut-art]

She would do anything to make sure I can never leave her - even rip my wings off.

This is a bit different from my usual kpop or genshin fan art; it's something personal I've been wanting to express for quite a while.

Me and my mother have a complicated relationship - one of control, according to my therapist. It comes with its whole set of feelings that can be difficult to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it themselves.

I wanted to try and illustrate what it can feel like.

One of the ways my mother tries to control me, is by making sure I can never be really independent - even as an adult. She'll complain about how she has to do so many things for me because I can't do them on my own, but she'll never teach me how to do them either. And when I flaunt the idea of taking the steps to become more self-reliant, she'll find the most absurd reasons to try and dissuade me from it - even though that's what she should want for me as a grown adult.

This feels like having someone rip your wings off to make sure you can never fly too far away from them. They might love you and care about you, but they're more worried about you not being permanently available to fulfill their emotional needs anymore; so they'll do what it takes to make sure it'll never happen - even if it ends up hurting you in the process.

This can leave a lot of scars, on the long run. For me, it takes the form of constantly doubting my ability to get through life on my own, having to learn life skills later than everyone around me, and being terrified of making mistakes.

Yeah, that is some pretty serious stuff ! But it was important to me, and I did my best to try and make an illustration that could represent this. I worked a lot on this and made multiple test versions, never satisfied with the outcome - until I learned to let go and stop trying to reach perfection. I think I'd like making more illustrations around the same ideas, see how I can improve.

Still, I hope there will be people who will like it !

Please let me know what you think; if you have similar experiences maybe, or even if it speaks to you for different reasons - I'd like to hear about it !

[dei2dei]

you can never control what happens when you release a story; everyone comes to it with different opinions, different life experiences, different interpretations of what something means (hell, even dialectical implications). the best we can do is tell the story we want with all the tools we have available, and then let it go into the world on its own and make its way.

it's never going to be possible to take the things in your head and put them on the page/screen the same way you see them: you can blur over fuzzy bits in your head, skip connections and messy bits, jump to the next good part. maybe you can or cannot in your story, I don't know! but it's never going to work out 1:1 because of all the little things you can't do (either with art or words). but you try. and you try more, and harder, and you learn new skills, and you improve, and you give it another go, maybe get a little closer with the next project.

it's hard to know how someone's going to read your words or interpret your art, but you have no control over it. at its core, art and stories are conversations with the audience who come to it with their own beliefs and backgrounds. we're giving our half of the conversation and doing our best to explain it, but the audience is going to have their own way to engage in the conversation and we can never know what it will be.

doesn't make me stop writing, though. through all the self doubt (and there's a lot), the frustration, the urges at times to delete it all and give up...I know there are people who are touched by my work, who read it, who are impacted by it, and I've never met them. That's fucking magical. I can't get over the idea that I'm bringing a moment of joy to people I've never met, may never even know the names of. That's amazing, and reason alone to keep going.

For anyone who’s creating stories that you hope to share one day (books, comics, games, etc)—what are your biggest fears regarding executing your project?

…

One of mine is that I’m afraid my stories aren’t actually good, that I’m just biased cuz I made them. Also that I won’t execute them in a way that makes sense and see the themes to their full potential—

[sunstaar]

A Piece of Cake (or not)

Kakashi Hatake x reader

Word Count: 3,5k

Ao3

The happiest of birthdays to @wind-becomes-lightning ! Thank you for being such a wonderful and sweet person, it has been a joy to know you. Have a great birthday and start into your next year of life! I wish you all the best and more, so here's a little something for you! I hope you enjoy it 🖤

Summary: It is your birthday, and Kakashi is determined to bake a cake for you. If he had only known how wrong it would go.

Kakashi was not a baker, and for years already he had thought of the fact to be alright. Rather, he had always prided himself in the fact that he was a good cook, a great one even. There was not one meal of his that missed the mark, tasted off, or even made him feel a wrong kind of fuzzy inside. Without a doubt, cooking truly was a forté and due to the dislike he harbored toward sweet things, Kakashi never saw baking as something he needed to do often or be particularly skilled at.

For many years, he had no reason to, after all. That was at least until you came into his life, more specifically, your birthday.

Already a month prior, Kakashi had made sure to get a gift he knew you’d love, one with which he could spoil you as much as you deserve the be spoiled. Since that day it had been sitting at the bottom of his closet, cheekily hidden away from you and your prying curiosity, waiting for the day on which it could be opened.

Kakashi had to admit to himself, that he was rather proud of the gift he had chosen for you. Not only did he put a lot of effort into his choice, browsing more stores than he would have liked to until he finally managed to settle on something he considered to be close to perfect, but he was also very happy with his choice. So much so, that he had already wrapped the gift in the prettiest wrapping paper he could find in all of Konoha, topped off with one of the bows he had seen Kurenai make for her daughter Mirai.

Gift-giving was something he had never been convinced he was good at, always finding a way to somehow critique his own abilities. Yet, for you, he found it important that the gift he good was one that could make your face light up as it always did when you were happy. The huge smile your lips tugged into not only lit up the room, but also a smile of his own underneath his mask, one he could barely contain at the sight of you glowing.

Up until yesterday, he had thought of his gift as close to perfect, something he couldn’t improve if he tried. And he wouldn’t have changed anything about his gift, hadn’t it been for Gai interfering last minute.

As the energetic man had already been prior to the Fourth Shinobi War breaking out, Gai always strove to help people do their best. Especially following the war, Kakashi had found himself growing only closer to his dearest friend, seeking his advice once in a while, too. While Gai’s advice was always a double-edged blade, either too pompous or just right, over time Kakashi had become more willing to listen to what the dark-haired man was saying, his words more so an inspiration than easily dismissed ramblings.

One day until your birthday and Gai couldn’t keep his curiosity to his own anymore. So, Kakashi wasn’t surprised when the man asked what he had gotten you for your birthday.

In great detail, Kakashi began explaining his gift to Gai, barely stopping his explanation to take a deep breath or maybe sip from a drink to soothe his drying throat. He kept talking on and on, giving more information than initially requested, background information, all his scrapped ideas, and endless thoughts he had dedicated to you. And as though he couldn’t stop talking about you, Kakashi continued on and on, barely minding how Gai’s brows began settling into a slight furrow.

“My eternal rival, did you not get your lovely partner a cake?” Gai asked in his usual loud tone, so much so that he managed to catch the attention of a few people sitting around them in the bar.

Underneath his mask, Kakashi’s cheeks felt hot as his uncharacteristic rambling came to a screeching halt.

A cake? He hadn’t thought about that up until now.

Gai took a sip from his drink before he began explaining as though it was entirely obvious, “They are turning thirty, it is something to celebrate with a cake! It is once in a lifetime milestone!”

Of course, Kakashi knew that, he had once turned thirty too, after all. Luckily for him, it was a birthday he had been able to spend with you by his side, cheering him on throughout the entire day and giving him all of your love and affection. There had been barely a day like that one in his life, barely one on which he had felt as much joy as he did when he had been able to spend the entire day with you.

Kakashi awkwardly cleared his throat. “Right … a cake.” How was he gonna do that?

The few pats he had gotten from Gai on his shoulder were not the help he needed, especially as he was standing in his kitchen, doing his best at baking your favorite kind of cake for your birthday.

(Hypothetically, Kakashi could have gone ahead and bought a cake from a local bakery, chosen the prettiest and best-tasting one, and brought it home to surprise you, but he wanted to do something on his own, something more personal. He only wanted the best for you in the end.)

On the counter beside the ingredients lay a sheet with instructions for baking a cake, given to him by a kind elder lady long ago as a thank you for his help with her groceries. According to the woman, it was a family recipe of a delicious and easy-to-bake cake, passed down from generation to generation, at least until the kind woman had chosen to give him a copy too.

Kakashi was doing his best to do the recipe and also you justice, though, he soon found out that it was harder to do than initially expected. All those things he knew to do with his eyes closed while cooking suddenly seemed to just go as wrong as they could.

The first thing went wrong when he began beating the eggs to change from their yellow tone to white. In the middle of beating them, he not only remembered that he was supposed to add sugar soon, but also that he had somehow forgotten to add one egg. The fact that he forgot both made him groan aloud, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment to focus on the daunting task before him. Maybe the impending headache he was forming was the reason for his growing forgetfulness, but either way, it left him a little frustrated that everything was not going to plan.

After taking a deep breath, Kakashi added the extra egg and continued to beat the eggs until white, ready to then add the right amount of sugar he double-checked this time. As written in the recipe, the mixture did indeed triple in volume, which had him breathing in a sigh of relief.

Now he had to gradually add some flour into the mixture and whisk it in. Weighing just the right amount of flower hadn’t been the problem for Kakashi, he had done this countless times already while cooking. But yet again, things weren’t meant to go right for him. As he added in the flour bit by bit, much of it missed the bowl and instead landed on his previously clean counters, causing a mess he knew he had to thoroughly clean up later before you came home. His counters were now painted white, a stark contrast to their original color.

“Nothing is going to go as intended today, is it?” Kakashi muttered under his breath, shaking his head as he moved on to the next step and went to melt the butter on his stove. To him, it felt as though he wasn’t meant to bake that cake for you, no matter how hard he tried to. That did not mean that he would stop trying because under no circumstance he would. The cake was meant to be a surprise for your birthday, and Kakashi would make sure the cake would be ready until then.

All he wanted was to surprise his spouse with something self-made, and nothing was going according to plan. A small voice in his head told him he should’ve just stuck to cooking them something, but another added that he always did that, that it wouldn’t be as special as when he baked something. Whether Gai had been right earlier was debatable, but Kakashi knew for certain that making something for his spouse was a clear sign of his affections, and all the love he held toward them.

With a heavier heart and fewer expectations than when he started, Kakashi dared to continue on. His mind was just all over the place today, a mere hour before midnight announce itself as would your birthday.

You. All he could think about was you. For you, Kakashi really wanted to make this right and bake the best cake he could, in spite of the bad day he was having so far. There was nothing he wanted more than to see you happy, and he would do anything for it to happen (even bake a cake if necessary).

Bravely, Kakashi continued, added the milk, and waited until the butter was completely melted. In comparison to the other steps, this one went better. While he was stirring the mixture carefully, his eyes traveled over to the recipe again to take a good look at the next step, one that had him hoping his streak of sudden luck would continue.

Next, he mixed some of the previously made batter into the hot milk, and luckily not one drop of anything spilled beyond the bowl. According to the kind grandmother’s notes, the step was supposed to both cool down the hot milk a little, and have the hot milk become foamy. Kakashi was especially glad when that in fact did happen, a breath of relief leaving his lips.

He only needed to pour the milk texture back into the whipped eggs, and then he would be done with the batter for the cake. He could do it.

Admittedly, his work was a little sloppy, uncharacteristically of him. While nothing ended up going over the bowl and right onto his kitchen counter again, Kakashi did feel more frustrated than he ever did when preparing a meal. He hadn’t expected baking a cake to be that difficult to do, given his skills when it comes to cooking. And yet, here he was, struggling.

In the back of his mind, he could hear your voice speaking to him, telling him not to worry about making mistakes, about not being good at everything. When he was down, you were the one pulling him up and back onto his feet, keeping him stable until he could continue on his own. Kakashi knew, that if you could see him right now, you would most likely let out one of your melodic laughs and shake your head at him. A teasing comment would fall from your lips, one that wasn’t meant seriously but rather to cheer him up. The kiss you would press against his cheek would have his cheeks heating up and reddening instantly.

For you, he would finish what he started.

As instructed in the recipe, Kakashi went to pour the now-finished batter into one of the several pans he owned, making sure that he covered the bottom with parchment paper first so the cake wouldn’t stick to it once it was done baking. Then he scraped the remains of the better out of the bowl and into the pan, making sure not to waste any of it in the process. To get out the air bubbles forming in the pan, Kakashi picked it up and dropped the cake pan onto the counter several times, successfully managing to get the bubbles out.

Despite most of the steps have gone wrong, Kakashi thought that his cake did not look too shabby. While it wasn’t what he would consider a visually appealing batter or one he would dare to attempt again, it did appear eatable so far. What he did not dare was to taste the raw batter, so, instead, he pushed the cake into the oven, set the timer to remind him later, and began washing up the used bowls and cutlery.

His hands were shaking a little as he washed each of the bowls and then dried them, nervousness beginning to build up and course through his body. There was something nerve-racking about baking a cake, or so he discovered today. Kakashi hadn’t thought of it as possible, but the thought of disappointing you quickly settled into his mind and had him anticipating the result of today’s escapade more and more with each passing minute.

Looking at the cake in the oven, Kakashi couldn’t help but grimace at his work. Despite the bright lights of his oven shining down upon the cake, they did not flatter it at all, and instead gave it the appearance of a big blob of batter just sitting there.

Exasperated with himself and his (more so Gai’s) idea, Kakashi rubbed his forehead as he watched the cake turn a golden brown shade. The smell coming from the oven was satisfying, to say the least, and even had his mouth watering a little, despite his dislike for sweet things.

The quite ironic cherry on top of the cake would be if it were to burn now, which was why Kakashi chose to keep a careful eye on it. In the meantime, he got the gift for you out of his closet and placed it so he could grab it and hand it to you once you returned from your day out with your close friends.

Excitement and anticipation were beginning to build up in his stomach and had him feeling rather queasy.

What if you didn’t like the gift he got you? That question had been bothering him for a while now. Kakashi had never been the time to care much about what other people thought of him and his actions. More so, he tended to ignore the public opinion and whisper about him. When it came to you, however, he cared more than he liked to admit. He valued your opinion a lot, and quite frankly, it also affected him.

Your disapproval would crush him, he knew that.

Luckily for Kakashi, before he could further explore that thought, the reminder he set began ringing and he immediately went to grab his oven mittens to take out the cake and place it on his counter. From first expectation, the cake had the same shade of golden brown as the recipe described to him, as did it pass the toothpick test.

What he hadn’t expected, however, had been that you would walk through the door five minutes before midnight, five minutes earlier than expected by him. As an experienced Shinobi, he should have expected such a thing to happen, he should have been prepared for it to happen, but he had been careless and as a result, was caught red-handed.

When you suddenly stood in the doorway to your shared home, Kakashi swore his heart was about to stop beating. For one, you looked so gorgeous and breathtaking, Kakashi could barely keep his jaw from falling open in both shock and awe, his pair of charcoal eyes almost shamelessly racking over your form for a moment. A mere moment later, the realization of what your presence meant settled in.

“You’re home already …” Kakashi said, quickly trailing off.

“I am,” Your gaze flittered from his flour-covered figure over to the cake placed on the kitchen counter, and then back to him again. Beside the cake lay two unopened candles shaped like the number three and one shaped like a zero, the intention rather obvious. “Is that a cake?”

One glance at the clock hanging above the doorway told him that there were only three minutes left until midnight when it would officially be your birthday. His plan was failing again, he could barely believe it.

“Yes, it is,” There was no point in hiding anything for the next few minutes or at all, especially since you had already seen what was meant to be a surprise. Your birthday, it seemed, had his head dizzy and thoughts disorganized, leaving him as unprepared as ever. Kakashi’s gaze flittered over to the cake before he took a step to the side to reveal the unfished treat to you, saying, “It’s for you.”

His nerves were practically shaking from how nervous he was becoming. If he still had his Sharingan eye, it would be activated by now, taking in your reaction without missing the instant upward tug of your lips or the way your eyes lit up in the way he loved so dearly. Your immediate positive reactions did manage to soothe some of his qualms, but not all of them.

With your eyes solely focused on the cake, you walked toward it in hesitant steps, a large smile gracing your stunning features. There was something about you, Kakashi thought as he watched your every step. To him, you were the most graceful person ever, the one who could captivate his whole attention with a mere word or action. To watch you take a look at the cake he made just for you, though with many complications, as excitement became more and more evident on your features had his heart beating faster than it did before. It practically hammered against his chest.

You turned toward Kakashi and the silver-haired man felt as he did when he first fell in love with you. Your gaze traveled over to the clock, mere seconds before midnight, and you smiled wildly at your boyfriend, joy radiating off of you in waves.

“Thank you, ‘Kashi,” You said, walking toward him to press a loving kiss to his cheek. You rested your cheek against his shoulder, taking a deep breath as your arms went to wrap around his figure. “It means a lot to me.”

Kakashi’s brows dropped into a furrow. “But you haven’t tried it yet?”

Truth was, you didn’t need to try it to know that Kakashi did his best. That was just who he is, someone who did the best he could for those he loved, and you also knew that you were lucky to be one of the people he did so much for.

“Well, it does smell amazing,” You began, further snuggling into his figure. “but I’m still a little full from my meal just now. Now I want to spend some time with my boyfriend who I love dearly, celebrate my birthday, and then have some of the best cake to top it all off.”

Kakashi swallowed the lump of worry stuck in his throat and smiled. The anxiety previously coursing through him was beginning to subdue, allowing him to gently knock his head against yours. “Alright then. But first, I still have a gift for you.”

“A gift?” You let out a gasp. You moved your head to now look at him, gaping. “‘Kashi! You didn’t have to!”

The man removed himself from you and walked over to where he had previously hidden the packed gift. Out of the cupboard, he took out the perfectly wrapped gift and hid it behind his back teasingly, walking toward you with a grin slowly becoming visible from underneath his mask.

To you, his sudden lift in spirit had become obvious quickly and had you smiling brighter than before.

Nothing could beat your reaction to when you unpacked the gift. Pure and undiluted delight, Kakashi was unsure how else to describe your reaction to it. Without a doubt, it was completely genuine, and yet, he was sure he had never seen you light up as you did the moment you opened the gift.

Kakashi was ecstatic to see that you were enjoying his gift. All the worrying he had done were almost for nothing as there was nothing to worry about in the end. He should've known, really, but the doubt everpresent in his mind had yet again managed to overpower all of his rationality. 

There you were, his light, his love, his everything smiling at him as though he was the whole world. Never in his life had he felt so loved before.

Kami, he loved you so much, he barely could put it into words.

"Happy thirtieth birthday, my love." Kakashi whispered into your ear before he pressed a kiss to your cheek, his lips remaining there for a moment longer than necessary.

The laugh you let out had his cheeks feel warm. "You could've left the thirty out, you know?"

"I know," He quipped. "Now that we're in the same age group again, I just had to mention it."

Playfully, you slapped his shoulder and let out a huff. "Idiot."

Kakashi let out a breathy laugh at your words. "But I'm an idiot you love, right?"

How could you not? You'd be a fool not to.

"Yes."

But here you were, a happy fool instead.

[chosonore]

infatuation

infatuation [noun. strong but not usually lasting feelings of love or attraction]

pairing: kamo choso/f!reader

summary: in a spurt of recklessness, you hire an escort to help you learn about relationships and intimacy. what you didn't expect was to fall in love with him along the way. [part of the kamo escorts collab]

wordcount: 23.3k

content/warnings: escorts au, slow burn, language, smut!!!, fluff, soft dom!choso, reader is very oblivious and painfully awkward, awkward firsts, dry humping, handjobs, oral sex (m + f receiving), fingering, uh somewhat public sex, loss of virginity, oral fixation, praise kink, lowercase is intended [VERY VERY UNEDITED]

a/n: hello here it is and finally done!!! i've been sitting at this for a week straight now and while i'm not super happy with it, it would've been a shame to just throw it out tbh. writing improvement is a slow progress after all! i'm dedicating this to @sukirichi who always hyped me up while i was writing this, happily welcomed me to the collab and who always supports my writing and i really appreciate it. thank you, from the bottom of my heart! (argh i have so many cut scenes that i ran out of space for dividers, sorry! hope the reading flow still makes sense though)

"that's what you were so worried about?" nobara looked at you incredulously, as if you grew two heads and asked for her firstborn. "you were scared that guys don't like you because you've never dated anyone?"

you let out an embarrassed whine, pushing at her arm in an attempt to get her to shut up. it wasn't your fault that she jumped to (multiple and very wrong) conclusions when you'd called her and maki, asking them to meet up so you could ask for advice. even maki looked mildly amused, patting your head apologetically. you were well aware of how ridiculous your issue sounds - the topic of dating had always made you anxious. you came from a very wealthy family that always sheltered and protected you from everything. you were their precious little girl after all; your father would rather drop dead than have you mingle with people who didn't treat you well and didn't deserve you. they meant well and it had never been an issue until you moved out to attend university (your parents had acted like you were leaving to travel the world and would never return, when really, you only moved two hours away from home).

even though nobara, maki and you had quickly become friends after you'd met at an event, you were wary to tell them about your background. it worried you, knowing how some people would treat you differently just to get on your good side and use you, so you opted to skirt around it as much as possible. it took you months until you opened up to them when you finally mustered up enough courage and trust to do so. they kept your secrets ever since, always protecting you and looking out for you. you were truly glad to be their friend. the two of them had grown suspicious when you kept declining their invites to join them for parties or to simply go to a bar and you were slowly starting to feel more and more guilty until you couldn't take it anymore and just confessed, asking them for advice.

"so that's why you're nervous even around inumaki," nobara concluded, propping her chin up in thought. "i didn't think your parents would be this protective. do they know that you want to start dating now?"

"no…" you confessed, fidgeting in your seat. "my dad, he um- he means well and usually has a good radar when he says that a guy doesn't deserve me. but i thought it was time to venture out on my own. it's good to have some experience, right?"

"i mean you're not wrong but i don't want you to be asking for advice simply because you feel pressured about dating since everyone else is doing it," maki retorted, giving you a concerned look.

you quickly shook your head. it wasn't that you felt pressured about not having any experience yet. you didn't necessarily want to admit to them that you were a hopeless romantic and liked the idea of being with someone; in the end, it was your own decision to venture. men made you nervous, you didn't know how to act around them and the thought of approaching a stranger by yourself was too scary. maybe it was a better idea to find someone to show you the ropes first, you felt embarrassed about your lack of knowledge and skills and - it wouldn't hurt to have some kind of dating training, right?

"i mean, technically, you could just ask one of the guys to take you out on a fake date. i'm sure megumi wouldn't mind," nobara was already pulling out her phone, making you grabbing her hand in panic and furiously shaking your head.

"i don't want to get them involved in this! it would make things pretty awkward and that's the last thing i would want. isn't there any other solution?" you explained quietly, playing with the hem of the dress. you felt bad for rejecting all their suggestions but you simply didn't want to be a burden to your other friends either.

"well," nobara and maki looked at each other grinning. "you could hire a fake boyfriend."

"really? you can hire tho-"

"escorts, y/n, escorts," nobara pushed her phone over to you, pointing on the screen. frowning, you read the little description. kamo escorts. you'd never thought about hiring someone, let alone knew enough about the topic. judging from nobara's face, she seemed to be well versed and it made you slightly suspicious.

"it's the easiest way for you and you have enough money to pay for their service. it's convenient, you can adjust it to your schedule and they'll send someone who fits your preferences. you choose the spot for your date and they'll make it happen, right? it's perfect and you don't have to worry about getting anyone involved," she explained, tapping at the bottom of the screen. "just give them a call, they'll walk you through the entire process. if you don't like it, you can find someone else or just abort mission."

"what do you mean they'll send someone who fits my preferences?" it did sound like an easy process, almost too easy. something was bound to go wrong, you could feel it. "i don't even know what my preferences are, so how could they possibly-"

"y/n, you might be blind but we are not," maki flicked your forehead playfully, she was more perceptive than you. "if you want, you can call them right now and we'll help you with the preferences, okay? maybe that'll ease your nerves a little."

"now?" you squeaked, eyes widening in horror. you weren't prepared at all; when you invited them over you were only planning to gather advice and then act on it.

"yeah! come on, it'll be fun and it's not like they can see your face," nobara grinned and was already dialing the number, moving away from you agilely before you could snatch the phone out of her hands. you wanted the earth to swallow you, why did they think that this was a good id-

"good evening, thank you for calling kamo escorts. my name is ijichi, how may i help you?" a male voice sounded from the phone, you instinctively dove behind the couch but maki was quicker and pulled you back with one fluid motion. curse her strength and speed.

"yes, hi, my friend here would like to hire an escort but she's too shy to do so, so we're helping her with the entire process. i hope you don't mind?"

"if it helps to ease the nerves, not at all."

nobars nudged you, holding the phone out. you pouted at her, shaking your head like a stubborn child. she rolled her eyes and pushed the phone into your hand forcefully, making you panic as you didn't want ijichi hearing your wrangling.

"um, yes, i- i'd like to hire someone but- ah nobara already mentioned that! it's for… for dates! i just need someone to go on dates with me."

"i see. is this a formal event?"

"n-no! i just need dating training of sorts, so casual is fine… if i do need to attend a formal event in the future, would that be a problem?"

"not at all, simply let us know when booking. our escorts are trained to be able to adapt to any situation and event, there is nothing you need to worry about, miss. do you have any specific preferences?"

"uh i-"

nobara leaned over your shoulder. "she prefers more mature guys! someone who's caring and attentive, someone who's not too outgoing and loud, it has to match her energy! since this is date training, there's probably going to be a lot of awkwardness so we'll need someone who is patient too. someone who can act like the best boyfriend to ever boyfriend. as for looks, i think she's fine with everything- although wait, maybe dark hair. yep, dark hair."

you couldn't believe her, she practically directed the entire call for you as if she'd made a plan beforehand, knowing that it would come to this. there was no doubt that she'd had this in mind, this was nobara after all. maki, on other hand, was watching you amused; she didn't usually engage in whatever shenanigans nobara was up to but she was always a bystander who very much enjoyed your reaction just now.

"miss, do you agree with the listed preferences?" ijichi asked after a moment of silence. you could hear him typing and occasionally scribbling on paper.

"yeah, yes, that's fine. is it possible to book him on weekends? i don't know if this is going to work out just yet so maybe once a week on fridays? i've never done this before so yeah."

"that is doable, yes. if you wish to engage in sexual relations, you may discuss it with your escort. these services come at an additional cost, of course."

"i don't-"

nobara interrupts you again, smirking at you cheekily. "it would be beneficial, so please take that into consideration when choosing the escort!"

"alright, thank you," ijichi went silent for a minute while he was organizing the files and schedules. "there are some possible candidates with whom i have to check with first. i will get back to you, should they agree to the job. after that we can exchange personal information and contacts so we can discuss the matter further."

"okay um. thank you, mr ijichi, i appreciate your help," you thanked him bashfully, giving him your number before thanking him again. you were already so deep in thought that you didn't even listen to his reply. now you've really gone and done it. were you crazy? what if your parents found out? they'd riot and be immensely disappointed in you. getting some dating experience through dating an escort, only nobara could ever come up with something like this.

"how do you feel?" maki inquired and rubbed your shoulders in concern, seeing how quiet you suddenly grew. weakly shrugging with your shoulders, you grasped the fabric of your shirt and nervously fiddled with it. the entire ordeal filled you with anxiety, a myriad of thoughts circling in your brain. it was the first time doing something "reckless" and it left you feeling nauseous.

"i'm not sure." you hesitated. "i'm curious to see how it goes but it just makes me really nervous. how do i act around him? and what if he finds me weird?"

"i don't think he's going to think you're weird just because you get nervous around guys. and besides, ijichi said he'd find the perfect guy for you, yeah? don't worry about it too much. if you don't feel comfortable after the first date, we'll figure something out."

"i guess so… um, but you guys don't mind accompanying me to it? just to make sure it's not some weird guy?" upon seeing your hopeful face, the two girls couldn't say no - of course not, you were their precious, innocent friend. as amusing as this situation was to them, they wanted nothing more than to support you and see you happy as well. you had already done a tiny step out of your little, sheltered world and much more was to come.

the ring of your phone nearly scared you to death, making you drop the book you were holding. quietly cursing, you picked it up and placed it on the table before answering the phone. who was even calling you at this time? everyone knew you were busy in the evening, slaving away on your assignments. it must be really important to interrupt your workflow like this- you almost dropped your phone in shock when you recognized ijichi's voice on the other side. admittedly, you forgot about the entire ordeal and didn't expect him to get back to you so soon. "good evening, ms y/n. i'm calling you regarding your inquiry so we can finalize all the details."

"u- uhm yes! thank you for calling!"

although ijichi was kind and patient, you were still nervous as you scribbled the details on a piece of paper. your escort's name was choso, he was a few years older than you and his schedule was very flexible. there wasn't more info, ijichi had announced that choso would call you as soon as possible. dread filled your stomach - it was nerve wracking to meet new people, not to mention someone you hired to be your fake boyfriend for the day. and now that you knew he was calling, all focus and concentration was thrown out the window. silently, you sat at the table and stared at your phone, waiting for the screen to light up. maki and nobara didn't need to know about this new development just yet as you wanted to navigate this on your own before telling them.

not too long after, your phone rang again, an unknown number flashing across the screen. it had to be him. even though you mentally prepared yourself for minutes, the anxiety came back full force. with trembling hands, you picked up, holding your breath as you waited for an answer. a deep, rather dulcet voice greeted you from the other side. you liked the sound of his voice, it almost put you at ease if it wasn't for your mind that constantly reminded you what was going on. you hastily introduced yourself to him and told him why you were requesting his services. the entire time, he was silent and let you speak - although you appreciated that he didn't interrupt you, every second that was passed in silence agonized you.

"hello y/n, my name is choso and i'll be your escort for the time being. ijichi told me you were looking for someone to pose as your fake boyfriend?"

"ah, uh yes sort of! i don't… have any experience when it comes to boyfriends and that kind of stuff. and i- i just wanted to learn what it's like to d- date and- and," your voice got smaller and smaller, until it was a mere whisper that was filled with all kinds of embarrassment that you felt. you couldn't help it, hopefully choso was still able to decipher what you were explaining. "you know, k- kissing and all that stuff. i've never done it with anyone before."

"i see," choso paused for a second, making your heart race. "i can't say i've had this situation before but i'm confident in my skills to guide you through this. before we first meet, let's set some boundaries so you feel comfortable at all times, okay?"

you hummed and nodded, although he couldn't see you over the phone. choso sounded like what nobara had described your ideal type - ijichi really had delivered and chosen the best possible match. choso knew what to say and how to steer the conversation in such a way that it didn't make you feel helpless or anxious. and you, in turn, felt like you could trust him with this issue.

"y- yes! uhm when i first called ijichi, a friend of mine helped me with the process and requested someone who was comfortable with sexual relations but… uh, to be honest, i never thought of requesting them. i'm not entirely sure if i want to do it either… i want to approach this in a slow manner, as slow as possible."

"alright, i can work with that. as for our first meeting, have you picked a time and location?"

you sighed in relief. choso seemed like a really nice and understanding person, leaving most of the options up to you. you knew it was part of his job but it felt nice to know that he was so forthcoming and accommodating. for the first date, you’d chosen a nice restaurant that had good reviews and little private booths. even though there was no way your father would ever magically appear and find out about your escapades, you were still trying to be secretive and cautious. the restaurant was situated in a widespread estate with beautiful gardens, the perfect spot to take stroll after dinner. in all the romance books you’d consumed, these type of dates seemed to be very popular - you thought to yourself why not? as you discussed your plans with him, you briefly wondered what he looked like. it felt weird asking him about it and you'd meet him soon anyways. maybe he looked like what you thought his personality was - like a prince charming? the prince that your dad had always assured you would come along. a small giggle left your lips at the thought of it; it was silly to believe it would turn out to be the love of your life. though it made you giddy thinking of your prince charming.

“is everything okay?”

“ah sorry, everything’s fine! i just had a silly thought a moment ago, that’s all,” reassuring choso quickly, you rubbed your cheeks in embarrassment. he must’ve thought that you were going crazy. “anyways, thank you for um, everything. i feel more comfortable now that i’ve discussed the details with you, thank you for being so patient. i look forward to meeting you!”

on the other end, choso hesitated, startled by your sudden enthusiasm when you were rather shy and timid before. it seemed that you were willing to open up a little more. he was curious himself, never having dealt with such a case before. usually, only experienced people who were looking for eye candy to accompany them to fancy events would hire him. he couldn’t imagine what you were like before meeting - it was nicer to get to know you in person after all, for the sake of a date setting. still, how were you able to afford the services? considering you were most likely a college student, he couldn’t fathom what lengths you went just to gain some experience. though he supposed, he shouldn’t judge you too quickly.

“i look forward to meeting you as well. see you on saturday, y/n.”

for hours you’d gone back and forth between outfits - casual? or more cute? maybe a mix of both? maki wasn’t much of a help either, mostly just giving you a thumbs up for every outfit while nobara had something to criticize about every outfit. you sighed, tossing yet another shirt onto the heaping pile of clothes. it was hard trying to impress someone that you didn’t know. the last item on your list was a simple, flowy dress and it seemed to be the best fit. you didn’t want to agonize over the choices any longer, seeing that the date was inching closer and closer. maki looked like she was bored out of her mind as well, scrolling through her phone as she was lounging on your couch with nobara. “are you sure you’ll be fine?” maki questioned you again. she was relieved about your good mood, how you were less apprehensive about the entire ordeal. when you first told them about choso after the phone call, you sounded slightly excited and were gushing about how nice he had been. you were hopeful that you could learn a lot from him. however, maki couldn’t help but worry about you, constantly making sure you were feeling okay.

“i’m sure i’ll be fine, don’t worry! we agreed to just have dinner today and let me test the waters… we’re really just doing whatever i feel comfortable doing for now,” you explained to the two of them, smoothing out the dress before grabbing your bag. “so yeah, i’m ready, i think. i mean if anything was to happen, i’ll let you know right away. i really have to go now though, you guys coming?”

nobara made a noise of protest, not wanting to get up from your bed which promptly earned her a nudge from maki. you giggled at your friend’s antics, grasping her arm to pull her up. as lighthearted and happy as you acted, you tried to hide your nervousness in front of your friends. worrying them did no good. as the three of you made your way to the restaurant, you checked your phone to see a text message from choso who asked to meet you in front of the building. you agreed, telling him that you would be there soon. the phone pinged again, choso had sent you a simple smiley. it made you grin a little, earning a suggestive glance from nobara whom you gently shoved.

"text us if anything happens, yeah? we can also pick you up afterwards so don't worry about it," maki reminded you again as you rounded the corner of the street, stopping mere meters in front of the restaurant so you could say goodbye to them. again, you reassured them that you would do as they suggested. you would be fine, because after all, choso was a professional. waving at your friends’ retreating figures, you slowly walked towards the entrance and let your eyes wander. the streets were busy, you couldn’t immediately make out anyone who was waiting in front of the restaurant. not that you really knew what choso looked like, you just hoped your search wouldn’t get more difficult with people waiting in the front. glancing at your reflection on the windows of a parking car, you made sure that you looked presentable and approachable.

“y/n?” your soul nearly left your body as you got startled by a deep voice behind you, now suddenly being aware of the figure behind you. whirling around, you almost hit the other person with your small bag with the swing. your eyes widened and you apologized profusely, fussing around to make sure the person was okay until you paused. wait a minute. this person knew your name. abruptly leaning back so you could look at the person’s face - they were very, very tall - you incredulously stared at them before spluttering: “c- choso? you’re choso?”

the taller male nodded, gently grasping your shoulders to steady you. on your bare skin, his hands felt scalding hot, making you painfully aware of how close you stood to each other. choso, for a lack of better terms, looked nothing like you’d expected but you couldn’t complain. he was attractive, very much so. he almost fit into the bad boy category, the type of men your dad would never let you close to. you felt inexplicably drawn to choso, like a moth to flames and you just couldn’t look away. he stared back at you, dark eyes glinting with concern as he took in your form. as your voice had suggested, you appeared to be a rather shy and timid person, looking at him like a deer in headlights. choso thought you were adorable, the way you were holding onto the sleeves of his shirt to not fall.

“i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to hit you! you just really scared me there,” you apologized again, letting go of the fabric in embarrassment. luckily, he didn’t seem to mind, patiently waiting until you were composed again.

“don’t worry about it, i’m okay. it’s nice to finally meet you. should we head inside?” he offered you his arm which you gratefully took and followed him inside. truth to be told, you were starstruck by him, still too flabbergasted to say another word. thankfully, choso had picked up on your speechlessness, silently chuckling to himself as he led you to your private booth. you sat across from him, quietly thanking the waiter as he handed you the menu. eyes flitting back and forth between it and choso, you fiddled with the hem of your dress. what would you even talk about? you felt awkward, not knowing what to ask him; your confidence had suddenly vanished with the earlier incident.

“you look like you’re about to faint,” choso teased you, giving you a cheeky smile. “i’m not gonna bite you, i promise. i’m supposed to be your fake boyfriend, right? ask me whatever you want, just act like we’re good friends. it’ll get better with time.”

you nodded eagerly, face heating up at the mention of boyfriends. how does one even act around them without prior experience? let’s not dwell on it for too long, you thought to yourself. fidgeting on your seat, you pointed at the menu. "do you already know what you'll be getting? a lot of people online recommended their signature dish so i thought we could try it… but all of their dishes sound really good!"

“how about we order different dishes and try from each other then?” choso suggested in response, amusedly watching how your eyes lit up at his idea. you nodded quickly, delving back into the menu to find your desired dish. glancing over to his side to see what he was looking at, you then pushed your menu over to him, pointing at the dish you would be ordering. choso nodded in understanding, skimming the pages until he found a dish that complimented it. not wanting to let you wait any longer, he gave the waiter a sign, ordering for the two of you. across of him, you stayed quiet, still contemplating what to ask him.

“feel free to ask me anything,” choso reminded you again, propping his chin on his hand and leaned closer to you. “when you first get to know someone, dates are really just to spend time with each other and getting to know the other person. if there’s something you two have in common, you’ll just go from there and bond over it, yeah?”

humming in thought, you nodded and looked up at him. “so uhm… what do you like to do in your free time? i’m still in uni, so i spend most of my days studying. but i really like reading when i’m free and i also volunteer at an animal shelter. the pets there make me really happy!”

“my job takes up the majority of my time, so i try to spend time with family and friends as much as possible. my younger brother has gotten me into surfing and paddle boarding, i really enjoy doing that. what do you study, if i may ask?”

“i want to become a veterinarian in the future! it’s been my dream ever since i was younger, so yeah… you said you have a younger brother? i have an older sister but we don’t have much in common since she’s a lot older than me. but um surfing! so you spend a lot of time at the beach, right? i haven’t been there in a long time.”

“if you still wish to continue after today’s date, we could go to the beach next time? i can teach you, it’s not that difficult.”

surprised, your eyes widened at his suggestion. he seemed to be confident that there would be a next time and you couldn’t even deny that possibility. so far, you were easing into the conversation more and more - the process was more natural than the whole setting suggested. though he still made you nervous, he had been nothing but respectful of your space and friendly. not to mention that you were attracted to him as well; if you hadn’t hired him, you could imagine actually getting close to him.

"i- i'd love that." as you told him more about yourself and listened to his stories, you didn’t notice how much time had passed until the waiter suddenly appeared in front of you, presenting you the dishes. your mouth was watering at the sight of the delicious dishes, you couldn’t wait to dig in. quickly thanking the waiter, you then took a bite from the dish after he left. you sighed in satisfaction, taking your time to properly taste the first bite.

“this is so good, you need to try it!” you gushed, pushing your plate closer to the middle of the table. choso chuckled, sharing his plate with you as well. as you took in all the side dishes, he'd already taken it upon himself to pick up a smaller piece with his chopsticks, nudging it towards you. you looked at him confused, then back at the small piece of food. was he trying to-? carefully, you leaned in and let him feed you, confusion and hesitation immediately melting at the taste. the food made you happy, but the unusual intimacy and closeness that he just showed you wasn't lost in between the myriad emotions.

as you had dinner, the previous conversation continued. choso was a few years older than you, has been working in this industry for two years now and preferred coffee over tea. he disliked early mornings and liked to sleep in until noon. his most precious and valued object was a polaroid camera, he wanted to have photos commemorating important occasions or moments that were special to him. all these little details made you feel like he was less of an escort that you'd hired but more of a friend. much to your surprise, the conversation ran smoothly and there were no awkward, silent gaps. you supposed it was only natural; you felt comfortable with him so it was easy to talk. had it been any other guy who didn't understand you or your intentions so well, you probably would've closed up.

"do you want to take a stroll around the estate? i heard the gardens are really beautiful," you asked choso, a hopeful glint in your eyes. dinner was finished long ago, silence filled with light conversation and teasing from choso’s side. you weren’t sure where to go from this or how to suggest being… more intimate. choso had suggested you would go slow - but how slow was too slow? and if you were to go with the flow, when would be the right time?

“i would love to,” choso’s reply pulled you out of your thoughts, focusing your attention back to him. lost in your thoughts, you nodded and called a waitress over to pay the bill. you felt choso’s gaze on you, making you queasy. what did he think of you? or this entire ordeal? you wondered. as he stood up and moved behind you, you nearly jumped out of your skin when he placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the restaurant. the touch was unfamiliar, heavy and scalding even through your clothes, but not unwelcome. a strange feeling welled up in your chest, crawling its way up your throat, constricting it in such a way that it distracted you from coherent thoughts.

seeming to notice your conflict, choso stepped to the side, offering you his hand. you glanced at it, hesitating. “boyfriend experience, remember?” he grinned at you, patiently waiting until you took his hand. his hand was much bigger, almost entirely engulfing yours as you intertwined your fingers. gently swinging your arms back and forth with the flow, choso lead the way through the paths of the garden. having looked forward to it, you suddenly found yourself too distracted by him. the flowers and trees were beautiful and so were the statues but he was the one that caught your attention.

“my hands aren’t sweaty, are they?” you asked after a moment of silence, stopping to face choso. he laughed and shook his head, flicking your forehead gently.

“stop worrying about things too much, you’ll be fine. you don’t see me complaining, do you?”

“i mean that’s true… but i can’t help it! there’s just a lot to uh, think about…” your voice trailed off, you let his hand go to cover your face in embarrassment. choso inched closer to you, grasping your hands to pry them off your face. remaining stubborn, you pulled them back in, a giggle breaking from your lips when he tried again, playfully pinching your cheeks.

“want me to take your mind off said things?” he asked with a low voice, inching in further until your back hit a tree trunk behind you. he was so close, too too close. weakly, you pushed at his chest, trying to get him to back off. the sudden closeness that threw you off - your heart was racing at a million miles an hour, the endless possibilities dancing around your head. “how so?” your voice came out quiet and breathless, as if you were anticipating anything, something… his touch perhaps?

“do you feel comfortable with me?” without hesitating, you nodded in agreement. choso didn’t question you any further, simply gave you a knowing smile before diving in and pressing his lips against yours. instinctively, you stiffened, hands clenching around the fabric of choso’s shirt. breath caught up in your throat, you struggled to ease into it. you pulled away from him, squeezing your eyes shut in shame.

“i’m sorry that-”

“don’t apologize,” choso comforted you quickly, clasping your hands in his and intertwining them. thumbs gently rubbing the back of your hands, he lifted one of them to press a kiss against your knuckles. you blinked perplexed; your heart fluttered at the gesture. “don’t overthink it, there’s no science to it, yeah? just follow the flow, whatever feels good. we’ll go from there.”

giving you a moment to collect yourself, he leaned back in, silently waiting for permission. again, your breath hitched but this time, it wasn’t the nervousness. it was his eyes that drew you in, demanding all of your attention. dark, with unknown depths, that glimmered with mischief. ever so slightly, you tilted your head up to meet his lips. his warm lips pressed against yours, slowly testing the waters and letting you set the pace before deepening the kiss. now less hesitant, you kissed him back with more fervour, losing yourself in the feeling. it felt awkward and strange now that you let him guide you, leaving more space for you to ponder about the feeling that it evoked inside of you. you were glad he was holding your hands, otherwise you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. the kiss brought forth a pleasant, tingling feeling - the sort of feeling that pulled you in, lulling you in warmth.

when choso pulled away, you almost mewled in disappointment, chasing after him. he let out a breathy laugh, cupping your cheek. “how did that feel? was it okay?”

“y- yeah, i liked it. felt very strange at first but once i was able to ease into it, it was… more natural and felt really good,” you explained to him shyly, leaning into his hand. longingly, you gazed at him. would it be weird to ask for another kiss? you wanted explore the feelings more, the intimacy of it, wanted to feel more of him. as if sensing that you were craving more, choso leaned in again, stopping a few centimeters in front of your face. with a sudden surge of boldness, you closed the distance between you, leaning up to kiss him. choso's arm snaked around your waist, pressing you closer to his body. gradually your body felt hotter, a dull ache accompanying it, spreading across the expanse of your stomach.

before you could act on the urge, choso pulled away again, pressing an apologetic kiss to the corner of your lips. "sorry, i don't want to get too carried away and we're… uh in public," he laughed at your horrified expression upon realizing your mistake. "i take it that you're still comfortable with this? do let me know if it gets too overwhelming for you.”

“n- no, it’s fine! it was uh, an interesting insight. i just wasn’t expecting to really get into this, considering- considering i hired you for this and don’t really know you.”

choso hummed in agreement. “i guess there has to be at least a smidge of attraction for it to work, yeah?” you looked at him stunned, trying to decipher the look in his eyes. you couldn’t place it; couldn’t place the feeling of longing that was emerging in you. when he looked at you like that, it was difficult to remind yourself that he was just an escort that you hired for your personal problems. when he looked at you like that, it filled you with warmth, making you want to pretend that he really cared about you as if you were in a relationship.

“yeah… yeah, i guess so.”

nervously, you were twiddling with your phone, contemplating whether to text choso or not. after the last “date”, you felt confident enough in continuing your… relationship of sorts. he was great at guiding you, always making sure you were comfortable and moving at your pace. you did let him know that you would book another session, you just hadn’t set up a date or time yet. and casually texting him felt awkward. hey, how’s your day? oh by the way, i wanna book another session so we can make out haha? maybe calling was a better idea. there was no plan ahead, never did you think you would even get this far.

the dial tone made you nervous. you chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for him to pick up, bouncing your leg up and down. maybe he was busy? it was early in the afternoon after all, he was probably already out with other clients. “hello? y/n?” choso sounded groggy, his voice raspy and deep as if he’d just gotten up. it sent electric shocks right down your spine, raising goosebumps across your skin. never had you thought about a man’s morning voice before, but choso had you wondering, imagining. you spluttered: “oh hey uh are you busy? i’m not interrupting you with something, am i?”

“not at all, i just got up,” choso admitted with a quiet chuckle. “everything okay? are you calling in for another appointment?”

“ah, yeah! i thought that we worked quite well and there’s still a few more things i want to learn with you, if you’re up for it? if you’re comfortable with it too, of course!”

“mhmm, i wouldn’t mind,” choso pondered from the other side. sounds of rustling and a few clangs resounded before you could clearly hear his voice again. you were glad that he agreed to it, meaning that you weren’t entirely… hopeless in that department. for days, his words were ghosting around in your head, a constant reminder that he seemed to find you attractive as well. not that he showed it, staying professional despite the nature of your relationship. it was nice to imagine that someone would look at you like that, at your shy and timid self.

choso was meticulous about his work, working on every detail and concern until he was satisfied. even though he looked so easy going, from time to time he had to admit that he was a perfectionist and easily frustrated when something didn't go the way he expected. so when you rolled around, so innocently asking for help, it threw him off. the feelings of confusion grew when he first met you, unable to pinpoint the origin of this urge, possessive and demanding, reaching its tendrils out to you. the way you reached out to him for help, the fact that you wanted to continue, wanted him to teach you. it thrilled him to the core when it really should not. he had to remain professional. but he was curious, so curious. indulging a little wouldn't hurt, right?

to choso's surprise, the next venue you'd chosen was the own comfort of your home. you were barely acquaintances, more like strangers, and yet you felt confident to invite him here. at the phone you had told him that your friends thought you had weird ideas about dates due to only seeing glorified versions of them on tv shows and movies. it embarrassed you enough to take their advice, inviting choso over for a movie night as opposed to visiting another fancy venue with him. prior to the date, you went through movie suggestions and rented the ones that you thought were interesting and enjoyable for the two of you. despite your put together attire and look, your apartment did not reflect the sentiment. it was a little chaotic; books and paper stacking up in every free corner of the apartment, pens strewn across surfaces and here and there choso could spot memorabilia and photos.

you gave choso an apologetic look when you let him in. despite your best efforts to clean up, you were still not happy with the outcome. tidying wasn't your strong suit but you tried to make it as accommodating as possible. choso assured you that he didn't mind at all, telling you that it added to the charm of the apartment. it was unusual to have someone other than your friends or family in the apartment - your home was your sacred space that you rarely ever showed anyone else, let alone someone you had hired. choso took a seat on the couch, turning to look at you as you went to grab some glasses and drinks.

"i uh, told my friends about my plans and they just told me i have weird expectations of dates," you explained choso, placing the items you'd grabbed on the coffee table and rubbed the back of your neck sheepishly. "they said it would probably just be better to have a simple movie night since a lot of people do that. and it would… make things a lot easier i- if we go fu- further…" the implication was hanging in the air, you didn't dare to speak them out. choso gave you a knowing smile, patting the empty space beside him. gingerly, you sat next to him, squeaking in surprise when he snaked an arm around your waist and pulled you to his side. with wide eyes, you stared at him, still trying to wrap your head around the casual close proximity with the taller male.

wordlessly, you started a random movie, trying to focus on it. throughout the duration of it, choso would ask you questions about your day, how uni was going or whether you felt comfortable. you couldn't focus, not with him being so close. how you made it through the first movie you didn't know. you were hyper aware of choso's wandering hands, the ghost touches his fingers left, how he absentmindedly rubbed your legs that were resting on his lap. straining to keep your eyes on the screen, your neck already felt stiff from the tension.

"i can tell that you're distracted, you know?" choso hummed, hands squeezing your legs gently to catch your attention. pretending to not be affected by it, you shook your head. you didn't want to show him that you wanted to proceed, not yet.

"i'm trying to concentrate," you shushed him quietly, playfully pushing at his arm but still not looking over to him. silence. you assumed you'd convinced him that there was nothing wrong until you felt his hands innocently move a little higher, rubbing the top of your thighs. clenching your fists, you stayed put, unwavering in your resolve. choso's hands wandered, alternating between featherlight touches to using more pressure. he kept his eyes on you, gauging your reactions to him. you brought your hand up to cover half of your face. it was embarrassing, the way your breath came out laboured in response. without warning, arms were hooked under your knees, dragging you across the couch and seated you on his lap. you made a noise in protest, now finally paying attention to him. choso wasn’t sure why but it had bothered him that you were so adamant on keeping your attention on the movie as opposed to keeping your eyes on him.

choso wasn’t sure why but he craved your attention, wanted you to look at him only. his resolve crumbled when you looked at him with wide eyes, grasping the sleeves of his shirt to steady yourself. he couldn’t help but kiss you, swallowing your surprised mewl before you returned the kiss. pleased at your eagerness, he gradually deepened the kiss, licking at the seams of your lips. you gasp in surprise and parted your lips slightly, whimpering in anticipation. it felt unfamiliar and yet thrilling at the same time, fueling and flaring up the dull ache in the pit of your stomach. before choso could go any further, you pulled away and hid your face in the crook of his neck. “what’s wrong? did i go too far?” he questioned concerned, rubbing your back in soothing circles.

“no, no, not at all,” reassuring him quickly, you awkwardly turned in his lap, legs still thrown over it. “i uh just wanted to try to take initiative myself, figure things out without getting hints from you… if that’s okay?”

a sigh of relief left choso’s lips. silently, he gave you his approval and leaned back, watching as you shuffled clumsily. finally, you straddled his lap and placed your hands on his chest. in the dim light, you couldn’t make out his face expression - choso was glad that you couldn’t, otherwise you would have been able to see how much it was affecting him, how he was slowly losing his composure and control around you. but this was about you, he was there to help you explore this type of intimacy. releasing another shaky breath, you then leaned in and softly kissed him. you kept a languid tempo, slowly and surely cracking his restraint. trying to mirror what he’d done earlier, you pushed further, timidly licking into his mouth as he parted his lips.

seemingly not being able to hold back anymore, choso pushed against you with equally as much fervour, gripping your chin and tilting your head ever so slightly. his lips moved against yours, sucking your bottom lip, eliciting a whimper from you. again the ache in the pit of your stomach was flaring up, uncomfortable and yearning for relief; you moved against his lap, pressing your body against his when your crotch dragged against the bulge in his jeans. choso groaned, hands flying to grasp your hips and steady you.

dazed, you gave him a confused look. choso cleared his throat, lifting his hips ever so slightly so you could feel his arousal again. when the realization hit you, your face heated up - you were surprised to find out that he felt aroused… by you.

“oh.”

“yeah.” choso retorted dryly, hands rubbing at his face in embarrassment. “fuck, i’m so sorry. it wasn’t meant to get out of hand like this, i don’t know how far you planned ahead for today but i-”

“uhm if you don’t mind…” you hesitated. but curiosity simply got the better of you, you wanted to see him breathless and feel as hot and bothered as you did. “could i uhm. you know? give you a handjob? only if you don’t mind because i want to know how to please uhm, please people.”

choso swore under his breath. you had no idea how painfully hard you were making him. quietly encouraging you, he leaned in to kiss you again and guided your hands to his jeans. you fumbled with the button and zipper, hands trembling slightly. it took you a few tries until you were finally able to unzip his pants, a giggle left your lips at the thought of how clumsy you were. your hands gently rubbed at the tent in his boxers, breath hitching as choso’s hips jerked. gaining some courage, you slightly put on more pressure and watched fascinated when choso’s fingers digged into the fleshy skin of your hips in anticipation. slowly, you pulled the waistband of his boxers down until it revealed his cock. choso hissed at the cold air that was biting at his skin.

carefully, you wrapped your hand around the shaft, marvelling at how the skin felt on your hands. sensing your cluelessness, choso wrapped his larger hand around yours and guided you into a slow rhythm to get you used to the movement. sucking in a deep breath between his teeth, he praised you: “you’re doing good, y/n. fuck, you’re being such a good girl.”

your heart soared at the praise. eagerly, you leaned up to kiss him, still stroking him in slow movements. choso moaned against your lips, the deep sound spurring you on, eager to hear more of his reactions. when you finally felt more comfortable continuing on your own, choso pulled his hands away and instead settled them on the small of your back, sliding them down until they were resting on your bum. you wrapped your other hand around him as well and paid attention to his reactions, adjusting the pressure and pace accordingly. choso buried his face in the crook of your neck, whispering sweet praises in between his moans. eventually your name left his lips; it set your entire body in flames, desperate want clinging onto your bones.

“fuck, i’m close,” he groans against the skin of your neck, hips rutting up to meet your movements more frantically now. you weren’t entirely sure what to do, opting to simply match the pace. shudders wrecked through choso’s body as he came, warm cum painting your small hands and running down your fingers. he was panting, leaning back against the couch and watching you with hooded eyes. the sight in front of you stirred something inside of you - choso’s flushed face, the slight sheen of sweat on his skin, his kiss-bitten lips. with curiosity, you inspected the liquid on your hand. lazily, choso grasped your wrist, holding them away from you. “‘m sorry. do you have a tissue?”

you tilted your head, tugging on the sleeves of his sweater with your other hand. “uh i- i’ve heard from others… um. can i try?” you asked quietly. choso’s grip on your wrist weakened; he gave you an incredulous look, as if you few two heads. out of all things, he didn’t expect you to suggest that. fuck, he felt the blood rushing right back down to his cock. just the thought of you, doing that - it was enough to make him cum again. “go ahead, if you feel like it,” choso whispered in a low voice. dark urges overcame him again, begging him to give in, to make you bend to his will, to submit, to-

his thoughts came to a screeching halt when he saw you unashamedly pop a finger in your mouth, licking the come from it. there wasn’t any reaction from you really, you gave him a sheepish smile afterwards and gratefully took the tissue he offered you. he helped you wipe your hands, diving in for another kiss. “sorry, i think i just short circuited,” choso laughed embarrassedly, another kiss was pressed to your temple. “that was just… uh- fuck.”

“r- really?” you stammered, hiding your face in your hands. “it’s okay if it wasn’t that great for you, it was my first time after all, i-”

choso hushed you, going for another open mouthed kiss, eliciting a whimper from you. “yeah, really. fuck, the things i want to do to you,” he shook his head, not wanting to get sidetracked again. “but this is about you. we’ll only go as far as you’re comfortable. did you feel like you learned enough for today?”

“mh- hmm. thank you,” you leaned your head against his chest, closing your eyes as a sudden tiredness washed over you. choso’s fingers dancing across your skin were slowly lulling you into a comfortable slumber. “what is it that you want to do to me? will you show me one day?”

choso cursed, shivers running down his spine.

“if you want to, of course.”

-----------

now that you’d met choso a couple of times, it was pretty obvious that you took some liking to him. after that fateful day, nothing else had happened as you wanted to work on easing into relationship dynamics and feeling less insecure about things - choso had been nothing but sweet and mindful about it, even went out of his way to find suitable locations for your dates. somewhere along the way you had started to text more casually, the strictly business type texting long forgotten. gradually, the two of you opened up to each other, the lines between escort and client slowly blurring and intertwining.

choso had promised to pick you up after your shift at the animal shelter for your next date; for today he had suggested you come over to his place for a change. the thought that he was willing to let you in his home, let you have a glimpse into his personal life, it made you giddy with anticipation. despite getting closer to each other, he remained a mysterious person and you didn't want to pry. after all, you were merely his client. but what if you were more- patting your cheeks to put some sense back into you, you leaned down to pet the dogs. unbeknownst to you, choso had already entered the building and watched you with a soft smile as you gave each of the dogs their deserved belly rubs before you left.

you didn't take any notice of him until some of the dogs perked up and carefully trudged over to sniff at the stranger. turning around on your heels, your eyes widened as you took in choso's tall figure. you quickly apologized, telling him that you would be joining him right away to which he simply shook his head and reassured you that you were fine. your co-workers were eyeing choso curiously, one of them wiggling their eyebrows at you. in response, you waved it off, too embarrassed to set the record straight. choso looked so awfully much like a boyfriend in this moment - the way he was dressed in casual clothes that accentuated his physical features so well, the soft smile he gave you as he offered you his hand to take, the way he sounded genuinely interested and curious when he asked you about your day.

silently, you took his hand and followed him out of the building - you could feel your co-workers’ inquisitive gazes like laser beams on your back. while they were never particularly nosy about your personal life, it was unusual that someone would pick you up from work; much less someone that you seemed to be romantically interested in. surely, they would grill you the next time you would return to work. “they think you’re my boyfriend,” you explained to choso sheepishly, glancing down at your intertwined hands. choso squeezed your hand and nudged your side gently. “am i not?” he winked at you cheekily, making your face heat up. he had asked in such a serious voice that you’d briefly questioned yourself.

“n- no, not really,” you replied quietly, looking away from him. choso reached around you to open the car door for you. in the window reflection you could see his face expression; it was rather somber, almost as if your words had hurt him in a way. the emotion was gone from his face when you blinked. maybe you had just imagined it. getting close to him on that level was unattainable, no matter how you twisted it. it just wasn't right.

the car ride was mostly quiet, only the sound of choso's car playlist accompanying you. somewhere along the way he had reached out to intertwine your fingers, resting his hand on your thigh. holding hands was almost natural to you now, the way his hands automatically sought out yours whenever possible. in response, your heart was racing, filling with the all too familiar feeling of yearning. whether you were simply yearning for the intimacy and closeness of a relationship or for him, you weren't entirely sure. while choso had told you about himself for the sake of the fake dating, there were still unknown facettes. it was impossible for you to get to know all of him, not when he was selling a fantasy to you. and yet, you found yourself craving more of him, beyond what he was willing to show you.

choso parked his car in the garage, turning his body sideways so he could look at you. "you okay? you look like you were quite lost in thoughts," he hummed curiously, rubbing circles on the back of your hand. what could you possibly answer to that? hey i'm questioning our fake relationship and it's going beyond what i expected? abruptly, choso hoisted you across the seat onto his lap as if you'd weighed nothing. "a penny for your thoughts? or should i take your mind off things?"

"i- i think i would… rather not talk about it," you whispered quietly, gaze skirting away from his eyes. choso frowned, slightly irritated - he had a small inkling why he reacted this way but banned the thought to the back of his head. he understood that as a client, you wouldn't disclose details of your private life to him. but he found it difficult to circumvent your dropping mood when he couldn't tell what was going on.

"i understand," choso was about to open the door when you suddenly cupped his chin and dove in for a kiss. he was caught off guard - rarely did you ever initiate kisses, usually shyly asking beforehand. feeling bold, you pressed you pressed your hips down, grinding against his crotch. choso groaned, gripping your hips to guide you while thrusting his hips up to meet yours. he enjoyed how you shuddered at the newfound pleasure, the delicious friction making your toes curl. "does baby want me to take her mind off things?" he murmured with a raspy voice, peppering kisses across your jaw.

"please," you mewled needily, hands grabbing onto his shoulders, fingers digging into his skin. choso complied, sliding his hand up to tangle in your hair and gently pulled at it, tilting your head back. you were panting by the time he was moving down the column of your neck, nipping and sucking at your skin. lower and lower, until he reached the top of your breasts; with swift movements, he yanked your shirt and bra upso , pressing open mouthed kisses to them before wrapping his lips around your nipple. your voice cracked as you moaned his name, hands flying up to bury your hands in his hair. distracted by the ministrations, you didn’t notice choso’s free hand sliding down your front until you feel the coldness of his hands on your skin. you squirmed, giggling at the cool sensation - the giggle died abruptly when he dove lower, fingers rubbing your clothed pussy languidly.

“c- choso! we’re still in the g- garage, people can see!” you stuttered scandalized, tugging at the tips of his hair to grab his attention. choso simply hummed, carrying on as if you hadn’t just told him your concerns. rubbing circles on your clit, he watched with satisfaction how your legs were trembling, writhing in pleasure. just the sight of you - hickeys on your neck, slightly swollen lips, shirt pushed up to reveal your tits, his hands down your pants - it was so arousing and thrilling, he almost didn’t want to stop.

“the windows are tinted and no one’s around at this time… do you really want me to stop?” he murmured with a low voice, fingers pushing your panties to the side to gather the slick up on his fingers. “look at you, how much you’re craving it. the want is written all over your face, baby. do you want to stop now?”

before you know it, choso’s hand is suddenly hovering over your face, fingers glimmering with your arousal. you shot him a dazed look, confusion evident on your face. “open,” he instructed softly, slowly and carefully sliding his fingers in your mouth. almost instinctively, your hands gingerly grasped his wrist. your lips wrapped around them, tasting the liquid curiously. his breath hitched, blood shooting down his groin - fuck, you were going to kill him. tentatively, he thrusted his fingers, slow enough so he could gauge your reaction to it. you didn’t know what it was - the taste of yourself, the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the way he was looking at you with hooded eyes and a hungry expression on his face; it made you squirm, eagerly for more. choso immediately took notice of your sudden mood shift. barely noticeable, your hips were rocking back and forth as you sucked on his fingers, cleaning them of your slick.

with a pop, choso removed his fingers. you whimpered his name, gasping in relief when he slid them back down, moving your panties to the side. his thumb found your clit, rubbing the little nub gently in slow circles. as if he was in no hurry and unbothered by the prospect that someone could actually spot you, he continued his ministrations. your legs jerked, threatening to close when you felt his fingers prod at your entrance. excruciatingly slow, he sunk a finger into you. the feeling was unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable at first. seizing up, you clenched around the finger. “relax, ease into it,” choso whispered reassuringly, capturing your lips in a kiss. “it’ll feel good, i promise.”

choso inserted a second finger, letting you get used to the feeling of them. the kisses he was peppering on your chest were distracting you from the burning stretch, creating a confusing mix between pain and pleasure. “how are you feeling?”

“f- feels good, i- i-” you were struggling to form coherent sentences, too focused on how he was lapping at your nipples, sucking and kissing them gently. “y- you can continue…”

steadily, choso started to thrust his fingers into you - gradually, the burn was disappearing and replaced by a delicious stretch, pleasure that was spreading throughout your body and setting your nerves on fire. desperately clinging onto his shirt, you hid your face in the crook of his neck. choso placed a kiss on the crown of your head, whispering sweet praises and telling you what a good girl you were. it felt good, so good but something was missing, you needed something, maybe more. you started begging and despite blabbering nonsensical things, choso understood what you were asking of him. his fingers hit a peculiar spot inside of you when he curled them, making you jerk in surprise. “o- oh!” again and again, choso was hitting the spot, making you writhe on his lap.

something was building up in the pit of your stomach, like a tightened coil that was about to snap at any time. panicking slightly, you grabbed choso’s hand and tried to close your legs, wiggling away from him: “h- hey wait, i-” another moan broke from your lips when choso sealed your lips with his and wrapped his arm around your waist, locking you in place. “it’s okay, let go, baby. cum for me,” he whispered against your lips, sinking his fingers in you one last time. and then the coil snapped, the high crashing over you like a riptide, so blinding and intense that it took you a while to come down from it. your thighs were still trembling by the time you came back to your senses, ripples of pleasure still cursing through you.

you slump against choso's chest, exhausted from the intensity of your orgasm but feeling wonderfully blissed out. choso removed his hand from you, licking your arousal from his fingers before wiping them off on a paper towel. he brushed his fingers through your hair, pressing a kiss on your forehead. "how are you feeling? can you move?"

"my legs feel like jelly," your voice came out muffled, face still pressed into his chest. "'m feeling good though. that was… really nice."

"i'll carry you upstairs," choso declared matter-of-factly, hoisting you up so he could carry you. you slung your arms around his neck, pecking the side of his neck. his scent was faint but calming, lulling you into a sense of home and comfort. you wanted to stay close to him like this, just having him hold you in his arms. a myriad of emotions welled up in you, swallowing all your doubts until all that was left was the budding blossoms of your feelings for him, nurtured by his soft touches and adoring treatment. you wanted to cherish him, keep him close for as long as you could, as long as you could still have him.

"thank you."

"for what?" choso sounded surprised.

"taking care of me? i mean i pay you for it but i still wanted to let you know that i appreciate it."

“everything for you, baby,” choso replied softly, tightening his grip around you. as you got to his apartment, choso placed you on the couch and knelt down, hands wrapping around yours. “do you want to get changed? i’ll lend you some of my clothes, you can get changed in my room or in the bathroom if you want to freshen up.”

he was so so considerate, you couldn’t believe someone as nice as him existed out there. as you agreed, choso disappeared in his room; the sound of opening doors and drawers as well as rustling resounded from his room. you took the opportunity to observe his home. it was a small but cozy apartment, despite being sparsely decorated. in the back of the living room, you could spot some bags and boxes, presumably choso’s surfing equipment, as well as posters and photos cluttered on a pinboard. here and there, some little figurines and trinkets were spread across the apartment. although it was cozy, the apartment lacked some kind of presence, some warmth. you assumed that it had to do with choso’s job - he probably was rarely home between work and spending time with friends and family.

“here you go,” choso handed you a big sweatshirt and some shorts as he came back, patting your head teasingly. “go and get changed, i’ll start preparing dinner, yeah?”

you hid in the bathroom and got changed, neatly folding your clothes and stacking them on the counter. inspecting yourself in the mirror, you admired the size of choso’s sweater - it was a simple and cream coloured sweater that was entirely dwarfing and engulfing you. the sleeves were way too long and the hem almost reached your knees. but it was soft and comfy, coming close to choso’s hugs. you pulled the shorts up your legs, awkwardly securing them by tucking them underneath the sweater. choso had set up some boiling water and was silently chopping vegetables by the time you left the bathroom and tip toed towards the kitchen. “can i help you with anything?”

“no it’s okay, take a seat. do you want anything to drink? water? tea?” reluctantly, you sat at the small table on the side, pouting at him. choso simply laughed and shook his head, bringing a glass of water over. your heart jumped in surprise when he kissed your forehead as he placed the glass on the table. “i’ll take care of you for today. boyfriend duties, remember? the past times you’ve always taken us out on restaurants and incredible locations and now it’s my turn to show you the boyfriend magic.”

sudden dread filled your stomach. how could choso be so warm and kind-hearted to you, when you weren’t even in a relationship? you keep having to remind yourself that this was what he was doing for a living, that you might possibly never know the real him. that this might just be a mask that he kept on for the sake of your requests. you didn’t reply, deep in your thoughts as you stared at the glass of water. choso returned back to his previous task, cooking dinner in silence. your chest felt heavy with uncertainty and disappointment - you tried your best to push the emotions down. they were irrational, you knew full well what you were getting yourself into when you asked for his service.

thankfully, choso didn’t seem to have picked up on your sullen mood, even throughout dinner - you let no emotions shine through when you conversed with him, choosing to keep it lighthearted. you offered to wash the dishes, not wanting him to lift another finger when you could help him in return. as you scrubbed the bowls, choso creeped up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, placing his chin on your shoulder. “you wanna watch a movie? or go to bed already? you’ve had a long day at work after all.”

“hmm, yeah. i think i’d prefer going to bed, if that’s okay for you?”

“i could never say no to cuddles,” choso hummed, capturing your lips in another kiss. you whimpered against them, not being able to resist him. he moaned against your lips, grip on you tightening. “please don’t tempt me, it’s so hard to say no to you,” he warned you with a strained voice.

your face grew warm at the memories of a few hours ago. you couldn’t believe you let him do that, let him finger you in his car in the garage. no one had seen you and you were thankful for that but you wanted the ground to swallow you whole at the thought of someone possibly snitching on you. your father would lose his mind. “is- is it not what you want?”

“of course i do, but not today. baby steps, remember? we have all the time in the world. and i can assure you that i very much want you,” with one last peck on your lips, he removed himself from you and disappeared in his room. he wanted you. your heart was soaring at his confession. you were relieved to know that he was craving you as much as you were yearning for him. maybe you would indulge, just for a couple more times until you would inevitably have to cut off the relationship. you felt at peace with your decision, you told yourself. nothing good would come from false hope.

after washing up, you joined choso on the bed, shyly crawling towards him as he opened his arms and welcomed you. he pulled you into his chest, nearly crushing you with his weight. it made you giggle and squirm in his arms, trying to wiggle out of his hold. choso was having none of it, peppering kisses all over your face as he trapped you in place. gasping for air in between your carefree laughter, you weakly pushed at his head, squealing when he dove in to blow raspberries on your neck. he showed mercy and let up, instead curiously inspecting your neck as he pulled the neckline of your, no his, sweater down. something dark was glinting in his eyes as his eyes zoomed in on the hickeys he had left on your neck and chest - he felt strangely satisfied, pleased with his work of art. a sliver of possessiveness overcame him as he traced the trail of red marks on your neck, humming quietly.

“something wrong with my neck?” you questioned confused, not having spotted the hickeys yet. choso shook his head, simply laid back on his side again to look at you. “not at all. was just inspecting the hickeys i left on you.”

“you left marks?” you gaped at him, mildly shocked at the revelation. though he was preoccupied with your neck earlier, you didn’t expect him to actually leave so many marks, much less ones that were visible. “is… is that a common occurrence?”

“for couples? i think so. but i can’t speak for everyone; if it was me, i would do it frequently. stake my claim on you, let everyone know that you’re mine,” choso replied and casually draped the blanket over the two of you, as if he didn’t just admit to doing something he would normally do with a lover. did he think of you as his? you struggled to decipher his actions, not being able to match it with a specific reason.

“that’s uh-” your stuttering was interrupted by another horrifying thought. “oh god, i can’t let my parents see this, they will kill me.”

choso shot you a confused look. you hadn’t told him about your parents yet or how you were hiding this from them.

“my parents… especially my dad, are very cautious about letting me venture out in romantic relationships. it’s mostly because he didn’t feel like anyone was good enough for me and because he didn’t want me to get hurt. sometimes i felt like those princesses locked up in a tower, you know? so i decided to explore and uh, hired you. i didn’t want to burden my friends with having to help me gain some experience,” you explained to choso, eyes widening when he suddenly grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to it. he winked at you cheekily before leaning over you to turn off the lights. you felt him press a gentle kiss to your lips but you couldn’t make out his face expression in the dark. choso preferred it like this, so you couldn’t tell the vulnerable look on his face, the ache of knowing that he could never fully be yours.

“then i’m glad i get to serve a princess such as you.”

----------

“you’ve been spending an awful lot of time with choso,” nobara commented as she took a sip from her coffee, reaching out to grab one of the muffins you had ordered. you looked away in embarrassment. it’s been nearly two months since you’ve started to meet up with choso. your dates became more frequent, even the casual texting continued. and yet you hadn’t really told your friends about your progress or how you felt about him, either brushing it off or giving them vague details. it was only natural that nobara and maki grew suspicious, vowing to grill you about it the next time you would meet up. “have you done the deed?”

“n- no! not yet,” you answered hastily, the topic still making you feel bashful. though you had talked to choso about it; he had agreed and hinted that you might go all the way the next time you would meet up. it was weird, scheduling something like this. but you felt more at ease knowing that it was approaching and you could somewhat prepare your nerves for it. “we talked about it though… next time, maybe?”

“i see,” maki nodded slowly, deep in thought. “you’ve been skirting around this escort thing a lot. is there something you’re hiding from us?”

“nope! not at all!”

“y/n… we’re looking out for you as friends. i know you told us that you trust choso and that he’s the nicest person you have ever but is there something more?” maki gave you a gentle nudge. the serious look in her eyes told you that you better not give her a lame excuse. even nobara, who was usually playful in nature, looked mildly concerned. as much concern as she could muster up anyways. sheepishly, you stared at your mug, watching the milk swirl with your hot chocolate. surely, they would tell you to stop seeing him, to stay away. because catching feelings for someone whose true feelings and self you could never uncover… should have been something you could have prevented. if only it hadn’t been so easy to give in, so easy to develop feelings for choso.

“uhm. i just realized that i like him, like a lot. i know i shouldn’t and should have circumvented the issue somehow but now i’m stuck with my feelings. and it’s just confusing. before you get mad at me, i’ve already decided to cut it off after our next date. i can’t dwell on it for too long because realistically, nothing is going to happen.”

wordlessly, nobara gave you a hug, patting your back to soothe you. “is he really that great though?” maki lightly swatted nobara’s arm and gave her an eyeroll. her comment made you laugh, she knew how to lighten up a situation.

“i think so. very gentleman-like and just takes good care of everything. i really appreciate how well he’s been taking care of me this entire time. he just is the perfect boyfriend, you know?” nobara nodded but you could tell from her face that she was trying to put the puzzle pieces together. it made you laugh again, pinching her cheek playfully. you didn’t want to worry your friends too much. they always helped you in every situation and now it was time you would take care of everything yourself.

“i can’t believe this entire time we were trying to find you a perfect partner and you’ve gone and went the whole nine yards, boyfriend experience and heartbreak all together,” maki joked and ruffled your hair, giving you a reassuring smile. “you know we’re there for you if you need emotional support in this, right? we might not be much of a help while you go through the fake breakup but we can help you take your mind off afterwards.”

you sniffled a little at the thought. your next date was fast approaching and you were grateful to have such great friends, who would always look out for you and be understanding even if you made dumb mistakes. your next step would be to learn how to mend a broken heart.

everything had to be perfect. the entire evening you had been on the move, busy cleaning your apartment and room and spending time in the bathroom making yourself look presentable. you still felt nervous exposing all of you to choso, never had anyone seen you naked before. the thought of it had made you so anxious that you’d called nobara who promptly suggested you wear cute underwear and something comfy to ease yourself into it. chances were that choso didn’t really care and wouldn’t judge you anyways; he had always been generous with compliments, always telling you how pretty you looked, how cute you were, and what a good girl you were for him. you didn’t think you could feel so fired up from praises nor did you think that you would be craving to hear them so much until choso came along. the feeling of euphoria that overtook you whenever he praised you, along with the pleasure he gave you whenever you were fooling around - it was a deadly combination.

knocks at the door made you perk up, hastily racing over to the door to let choso in. he chuckled when you immediately wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest. “hey baby, missed me much, huh? i missed you too,” choso admitted, softly combing his fingers through your hair. you peeked up at him from below, closing your eyes as you leaned into his touch like a cat. “mhmm, missed you a lot,” you mumbled, humming in content as choso pecked your lips briefly before waddling inside the apartment with you in his arms, closing the door behind him

“what am i going to do with you?” he mumbled amused and sat down on the couch, pulling you onto his lap. he squished your cheeks between his hands, kissing your pouty lips with a broad smile. “you always make it so hard for me to leave.”

your heart sunk at his last words, remembering how you were planning to proceed by the end of this date. surely, it couldn’t be so hard and he wouldn’t think much of it since it was all business anyways. and yet, you couldn’t help but seize up with dread, not wanting to hurt him. if, and only if he would actually be affected by it. you placed your hands on his, sticking your tongue out at him. you teased him: “you leave but you always return, right? doesn’t that give you something to look forward to?”

“yeah, always come bouncing back…” choso trailed off, a faraway look on his face. you couldn’t tell what he was thinking - each emotion that surfaced was only fleeting and quickly wiped from his face expression as if it never existed in the first place. perhaps he was keeping his heart as guarded as yours, for baring the most vulnerable parts of yourself could be your downfall. he ran his hands along your thighs, rubbing the bare skin gently, fingers teasingly slipping under the hem of your shorts. your breath hitched in your throat, expecting him to move his hands up further. but by now, choso knew how to play you like a fiddle, what drew beautiful moans out of you, what made you whimper in anticipation and how to build up tension. he knew how to tease you and use it to his advantage; knew well that you would follow his instructions like the good girl that you were, never disappointing him. “gotta take care of my princess, hm?”

choso dipped down, brushing the strands of your hair out of the way, showering it in kisses. you mewled quietly, tilting your head to the side to allow him more access to your neck. he was still murmuring between kisses, telling you how sweet you were, how he was going to make you sing his name, how he was going to take care of you. the whispered praises were getting to your head, you easily melted into his touch. “c- choso,” you gasped, already drowning in him as his presence clouded your senses, wrapping around you as if nothing else but him existed. “please touch me.”

“your wish is my command,” choso lifted you up as if you weighed nothing, carrying you to your bedroom with ease. gently, he dropped you on the bed, simply hovering over you without saying a word. the look in his eyes knocked the air out of your lungs; you loved his eyes, his dark brown eyes that were filled with so much warmth and love, now darkened and filled with lust. he observed you, waiting for you to make a move - you stayed still, tense with anticipation. with every single intimate encounter you had with him, you gradually learned that choso enjoyed being in control, overjoyed when you were obedient and remembered what he had told you. he liked having you at his mercy, being the first and only one to discover the expanse of your body, to pleasure you in ways you were yet to familiarize yourself with.

choso’s tapped your lips, carefully sliding two fingers in when you willingly parted your lips and sucked on them. the weight of his fingers on your tongue, the dazed look on his eyes as he watched you - it was all so erotic, so arousing. you lifted your hips, grinding against his thighs for some kind of relief. it drew a slightly irritated click of the tongue from choso, gently pressing his fingers against your tongue. but he enjoyed the view, seeing how you wanted him so much, how you were seeking relief by humping his thigh. you could already feel yourself soaking through your panties and your thin shorts, arousal smearing across choso’s thigh and leaving a wet spot on his jeans.

pulling his fingers out of your mouth, he slid them down, lower and lower, smearing your spit across your skin. his fingers stopped right at the buttons of your blouse, playfully rolling them between his fingers. slowly, he unbuttoned the blouse, pushing the fabric off your shoulders to reveal your bra. you squirmed, suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed about being so exposed in front of him. “you’re beautiful,” choso reminded you. “don’t hide from me. i want to see all of you.”

reluctantly, you kept your arms at your sides, instead clenching your fingers around the fabric of your comforter. teasingly, his hands dragged across the tops of your breasts before dipping lower. “look at you, how soaked you are already. you’ve even left a spot on my jeans. i haven’t even touched you properly yet… has my princess missed me this much?” he mused, gently rubbing circles across your skin. he was careful not to move anywhere close to your crotch, resolutely keeping his hand near your navel.

“yes, please touch me,” you mewled, grasping his hand to guide him towards the hem of your shorts. his hand splayed across your mound, rubbing in deliberately slow movements, making you sigh in relief. choso tugged on your shorts, dragging them down your legs with ease. you clenched your eyes shut, hiding your face behind your hands. choso stayed silent for a few seconds and simply admired you in the dim light of your room. he could tell that you'd chosen a nice set of underwear to impress him - you looked so cute in it, like a present waiting to be unwrapped. he took notice of the dark patch on the crotch of your panties, how they were clinging onto your skin and how your arousal was glistening on your inner thighs.

"you look breathtaking," choso complimented you, gently removing your hands from your face. "i told you not to hide, didn't i? give me all of you, baby."

you blinked a few times, sheepishly thanking him. his praises overwhelmed you, making your chest swell with pride. but still, you didn't know how to react when he was singing your praises, too bashful to reply coherently. choso removed your panties in painstakingly slow movements, leaving trails of kisses on your inner thighs up to your ankle. throwing your panties to the floor, he then pulled your legs over his shoulders. you watched him bewildered, not sure what to make of it. the position made you feel oddly exposed; all of your senses were heightened, strained to focus on choso only. the oversensitivity caused your hips to jerk when choso’s breath hit your pussy, keen on receiving attention. the swipe of his tongue on your slit was something you didn’t expect - the sensation was new, uncharted territory, so different from his fingers. it drew a whimper from your lips, making your toes curl against his back.

languidly, he was lapping at your folds, taking his time to get you used to the feeling. it wasn’t until his tongue dragged across your clit, lips wrapping around it to suck gently, that whines and whimpers spilled forth from your lips. your hips automatically lurched forward, rocking against his face. you couldn’t wrap your head around the pleasure it provided you, how it rendered you into a babbling mess with only his name on your lips like some mantra. needing to busy your hands otherwise, you clenched your fingers around his hair, subconsciously pressing his face into your pussy. choso groaned against you, the slight burn turning him on beyond relief. you felt like you’re floating, higher and higher, rapidly approaching your high and it was still a feeling you’re trying to get used to, a feeling that you readily welcomed and craved.

it was a combination of all the touches that bring you closer to the edge; how he was sucking at your clit before flattening his tongue against your clit, paying close attention to it, how it was repeatedly and rapidly dragging across your folds. it made you sob, begging him to make you cum. choso pulled you even closer, fingers digging into your thighs as he lapped at your swollen clit, again and again until you come with a loud moan, barch arching from the bed, heels digging into choso’s shoulder blades. clenching your eyes shut, you attempted to push his face away from you, now feeling too sensitive. your legs were trembling uncontrollably, you gasped for air as your high washes over you and slowly ebbing away. choso sat up on his knees and only then you see the arousal smeared across his chin and lips. the sight sent electric shocks up your spine, breath hitching in your throat. he looked so fucking hot like this. he gave you no time to be embarrassed about it, wiping the slick off his skin and licking it off his hands.

“c- choso, what-” you croaked, voice all raspy from your relentless moaning. choso didn’t reply, instead kissed you open mouthed - the taste of your arousal was still present on his tongue. in the back of your mind, you thought about how dirty it was and yet so thrilling, eliciting a hunger for him. desperately, you were tugging at his shirt, trying to get it off. you were struggling, huffing in frustration as he didn’t budge. choso laughed, pecking your lips apologetically before taking it off along with his pants. even in the dim light you could make out the bulge in his pants, a testament of much he wanted you. the sight made you salivate, your pussy clenching around nothing. he took notice of your dazed look, grabbing your chin to tilt it up. “are you sure you want this? do you want me?”

you nodded quickly, eyes widening at his question. “of course, i want you, never wanted anything more. please, choso.”

“you have me, all of me,” he retorted, a tender look in his eyes. again, your heart clenched. just one more time you would get to see him like this, pretend he really was your lover. but when he looked at you with so much adoration in his eyes, it was hard to believe that there wasn’t a spark between you. unbeknownst to you, choso had always looked at you with stars in his eyes, hoping that you would return the sentiment. no matter how hard he was keeping his feelings at bay, the cracks were widening, allowing more and more feelings to seep through. with each touch, each word that you exchanged, the dam was weakening and threatening to spill everything that he was keeping inside.

choso gently pressed you back down onto the mattress, fingers fumbling with the condom that he’d pulled out of his jeans. you watched with fascination as he put it on, not being able to take your gaze of it. he grinned, deciding to indulge you, pressing his cock against you. arousal was still leaking from you, allowing him to easily slide against you. deliberately, he nudged the head against your clit until you couldn’t take it anymore. you wiggled your hips, signaling him to do something, do put you out of your misery. choso glanced at you for permission, suddenly seeming to be nervous himself. you gave him a small nod, leaning up to cradle his cheeks and kiss him. choso began to push, slowly slipping past your folds and- the stretching burn, it was there again and made you tense up.

choso grasped your hands, intertwining them and showered your face with kisses, whispering sweet nothings and encouragement. the feeling was familiar and yet strange at the same time, the girth of his fingers were nothing compared to his cock. it was a tight fit; you were aware of him, so aware of him. muffled, you heard choso telling you to relax, that he didn’t want to hurt you, to take your time. he was still pushing, distracting you from the uncomfortable pain with kisses. with one last thrust, he’s pushed the entirety of him in you. faintly, you could feel pain gradually ebbing away. the fullness of him, the throbbing; you clenched around him, a quiet moan leaving your lips as choso’s hips jerk in response.

“you okay? can i move now?” he whispered against your lips. you nodded, feeling choso smile against your lips. your breath hitched in anticipation as he pulls out ever so slightly before thrusting back in. you let out a whimper at the sudden thrum of incoming pleasure, hands squeezing his. choso thrusted his length in and out of you slowly, still wanting you to get used to it. the drag of it against your walls, the way his cock ever so slightly bumped against that spot inside of you that made your body sing - you sobbed out his name, hips tilting up to meet his movements. choso had no qualms obliging to your unspoken wants, upping the pace once he’s made sure you felt comfortable.

slowly, his inhibitions fell apart upon seeing you desperately cling onto him, moaning out his name as he pulled out and drove back in, deeper than before. you saw stars when he hit the spot inside of you, burying himself inside of you completely. it’s been a short amount of time but choso was quick to figure out what made you shake in pleasure in particular, memorizing every little nudge and wiggle that would have you gasp out his name. the closeness, the intimacy, it easily beat everything else that you’ve ever done before but it was now that you realized that no one could compare to choso. while your initial goal was to simply learn and gain some experience, somewhere along the way, you veered off the path. perhaps your goal was never to find out what it was like engaging in sexual activities but rather to experience it with someone you loved. it was then that you realized you didn’t care about these things unless you could experience them with choso.

while choso was no stranger to having people in his bed, the sight of you was one he would never be able to get out of his head again. how your moans and whimpers were getting more frequent with each thrust, how you were sobbing his name whenever he hit particularly deep inside of you, how your small hands were holding onto his, how you clenched around him whenever he praised you. he wanted to keep you for himself, to impale himself in you in such ways that you could never look at other people the same way anymore. “i- i’m close,” you hiccuped between sobs, back lurching from the bed. “choso, p- please, i wanna cum, i-”

“i’ve got you, princess,” he assured you, diving down to kiss you feverishly. relentlessly, his hips pistoned against yours, desperate to make you cum. choso couldn’t hold back any longer, he was close, so close. wanting to cum with you, he reached down to rub your clit. your reaction was almost instantaneous, legs pressing against his side as you came, his name on your lips like a prayer. he came with you, burying his face in the crook of your neck as groans left his lips, mixed with your name and curses. his hips stuttered as they pressed against you one last time, staying in place until he’s spilled all of him in the condom. you felt like you were floating, still dazed from the intensity of your orgasm. absentmindedly, you wrapped your arms around his neck, hand absentmindedly playing with the hair at his nape. choso let out a noise, akin to a cat’s purr, nudging his head against your hand. his gesture made you giggle and you strained your neck to press a kiss against his forehead.

slowly, choso removed himself from you, letting out a breathy laugh as you protested. you made grabby hands at him but he simply tutted, disappearing in the bathroom to dispose of the condom and came back with a wet towel. it felt comforting, the warmth of the towel as well as his gentle touches, lulling you into a sleepy state. it didn’t take long for him to join you again once he was done, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest like the countless times he’s done so before. “how are you feeling? i didn’t hurt you, did i?”

you shook your head, trying to find the right words. in the end, nothing came into your mind to appropriately tell him how mind blowingly good he made you feel so you just settle with: “felt good, really good. didn’t hurt, jus’ felt uncomfortable at first. but you made it okay, it’s okay when it’s with you.”

“i see,” choso let out a relieved breath, laughing as you blinked at him stunned. you looked adorable, still floating and coming down from your high. “i’m glad i was your first, glad i could do it justice. just wanted you to feel good.”

“mhmm, thank you,” you slurred sleepily, arms wrapping around his waist. you felt so warm and loved, not wanting to let go of the feeling just yet. “can we do it again some other day? you promised to show me what you still wanted to do to me.”

“y/n, sweetheart, when will you be coming to visit us again? i know it’s your summer break right now and you’re busy but we thought it might be nice to go on a short family trip. what do you think?” your mother pleaded over the phone. you could see her pout on the screen, her attempt at guilt tripping you into visiting more. truthfully, you felt bad about not having been able to see your family so much - the amount of assignments and final exams was swamping you and you just wanted to get through them before going on vacation. that and the fact that you couldn’t properly look them in the eyes anymore ever since being with choso.

you just couldn’t let go of him, nor could you admit your feelings to him, in fear it would make him uncomfortable. it was irrational, reckless even, to keep paying for a service you technically didn’t need anymore. simply to keep a person you had feelings for around for longer. nobara and maki didn’t know about this either, you knew they would have your head as soon as you confessed. it was irrational and you knew it. and yet it was so hard to let go. with every waking moment, you craved choso, his tenderness and loving gaze, the warmth of his arms, the domesticity that the two of you shared, how natural it seemed when you spent time together. and so you kept returning to him, over and over again

“i’m sorry, mum, i’m just really busy right now. but i promise i’ll let you know when i’m free, okay? i’m sure we can find a fitting date for the trip,” you attempted to soothe your mother, giving her an apologetic smile. she rolled her eyes at you playfully but shrugged it off, knowing that you didn’t mean anything by it. before you could tell her goodbye, your mother suddenly stopped you, waving at the screen.

“sweetheart, one of my friends- her son, i told him about you. he’s a very nice young man and i think you would get along well. when you come visit us, i’ll introduce him to you, yeah?” she explained, a giddy smile creeping onto her lips. “i’ve told him a little about you and your father doesn’t mind either. he has a good background too, i’m trying not to swoon.” she giggled as if she was the one who was to be set up on a date with him.

your eyes widened ever so slightly at her revelation but what shocked you more was that choso had seemingly heard what your mother had said. he was still sleeping when your mother had called you, so you hid in the kitchen to talk, not wanting to disturb his sleep. he stood in the doorway, blinking at you confused. you made sure to turn a little so your mother couldn’t see him. “mum, i told you i’m not really interested yet and want to go at my own pace-”

“honey, i know but the opportunity was just there. i couldn’t pass it up and you can still reject him, no? just try to meet him at least once.”

you sighed. “we’ll talk about it again when i’m home, okay? but don’t put too much hope in it, please.”

“i know, i know. i’ll talk to you again another day. love you, sweetheart,” your mum said goodbye to you and hung up. you groaned, tossing your phone to the side and buried your face in your hands. choso was not supposed to hear any of that. even though you two weren’t really in a relationship, and he had assured you that he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else, keeping his work at accompanying clients only, you still felt like you were somewhat betraying him. you felt choso’s presence moving behind you, then his arms wrapping around you, his chin being placed on your head. you couldn’t see the slightly irritated look in his eyes, the jealous glint that told you he didn’t want you to look at anyone but him.

“your mum seems to be eager to find you a partner,” he commented amused. you groaned, swatting at his arm.

“i don’t know why they’re suddenly so persistent after not deeming anyone as suitable for years,” grumbling, you turned slightly, pressing a kiss to choso’s chin. “i’m not really in the mood to go on dates just yet, so she’ll have to deal with it.”

“not in the mood for dates?” choso echoed, pinching your cheek. “not even with me?”

you whined, burying your face in his chest. you didn’t want to let him see how his words excited you. “no, i’m always in the mood for you, for dates with you.”

“that’s good to know. we’re going out later after all,” choso laughed, combing his fingers through your hair. “i did promise to take you to the beach and teach you how to surf.”

one of the reasons you didn’t come visit your parents immediately when your summer break began was because you’d already planned a short trip with choso. weeks ago choso had proposed you’d go to the beach together and you were thrilled by the idea, not having been by the sea in years. you’d rented a little cabin by the beach for the two of you while choso had prepared everything for the car ride. the car ride would be rather long but you weren’t worried about it at all - in the beginning, you’d been apprehensive, rather awkward with him. he eased you into everything, showing you not to be scared of relationships and to just be yourself. conversation was easy with him as if you’d been long term friends, with no worries or restrictions. for weeks, you’d looked forward to the trip, to spend more time with him.

the car ride was filled with laughter and calming music, you shared stories and secrets with each other, you fed him the snacks that you’d made the night before. you felt blissful, happily ignoring all the consequences that might be coming your way - you wanted to enjoy your time with him as much as you could. the dance that the two of you were engaging in, it was romantic and felt so domestic, while skirting around the important issue. inspecting your intertwined hands, you clasped your other free hand around his, rubbing the skin gently. choso shot you a concerned, questioning look but you brushed him off, assuring that nothing was wrong. “i’m just happy to be sharing this uh… boyfriend experience with you, really. i wouldn’t wanna do it with someone else.”

choso shot you a wistful smile, lifting your hand to press a kiss on it. “i’m glad you feel that way. you deserve only the best, someone who treats you like the princess that you are.”

the feeling of the grainy sand below you, wind blowing your hair in every direction, sun on your skin, water splashing against your shins - you felt like suddenly all your worries were washed away. you were still running through the shallow water, giggling as you saw choso catching up on you. upping your speed, you jumped through the water until he managed to grab you by your wrist, pulling you into his chest. he lifted you up, twirling you around in his arms a few times before setting you back on your feet, leaning in to kiss you. “you can’t just run away like that, all our stuff is still stranded over there,” he scolded you, playfully flicking your forehead. you glanced behind you, seeing how choso had already placed all the towels, cooler and bags on the beach chairs.

“it’s okay, we have the beach to ourselves anyways,” you retorted cheekily. choso couldn’t argue, instead rolled his eyes. the beach house that you had rented for the weekend was on the outskirts of the city, a rather quiet spot that also had a private beach. the paranoia that your parents might possibly spot you somewhere was running deep and so you didn’t want to risk anything. choso could teach you how to surf in peace, without any bystanders or crowded spaces. but now that you were sitting on the beach chair, you noticed that choso’s mind seemed to be elsewhere as he clumsily fumbled with the bags. you gnawed at your bottom lip, hoping that your earlier conversation with your mother wasn’t on his mind.

“you okay there? can i help you with anything?”

“huh? yeah,” choso answered after a second of processing, shaking his head. “uh i just get distracted looking at you. you look good in that bikini.”

“oh shut up,” you retorted but hid your face from him, still growing bashful even though you were used to him complimenting you out of nowhere. he shot you a wink, resuming his work. “but… choso, you can talk to me if anything bothers you, you know that?”

“yeah, i know… but don’t worry, i think this is something i have to figure out for myself first before i tell anyone,” he padded over, kissing your forehead. “but i appreciate it.”

deciding to drop the topic, you joined him, watching how he demonstrated his surfing skills. if he didn’t want to talk about it, you would respect it; and maybe, just maybe, he would open up to you about it. you watched as choso surfed through the waves, the sight filling you with bright happiness. he looked so happy to be surfing again, the usual tired look on his face wiped away as if it had never been there in the first place. he looked like he was truly at home, comforted and surrounded by the crashing waves. you understood what he meant by being distracted - choso looked good in his trunks as well, the water drops that were rolling down his body, his exposed upper body, the way his loose, slightly damp hair was falling over his face. you very much enjoyed the sight and almost felt creepy for staring so much.

as per usual, choso was a wonderful teacher, remaining calm and patient while he gave you instructions, comforting you when you weren’t doing so well and was always right by your side encouraging you. you hadn’t had this much fun in a while, especially not with someone other than from your close friend circle. it was easy to lose the track of time when being with him, all your thoughts and anxieties washed away like the seashells at the shore. by the end of the day, you were utterly exhausted, your muscles feeling like jelly. as you laid on the bed, you still felt like you were rocked and swayed back and forth by the waves. it was relaxing, almost lulling you into a deep slumber if it wasn’t for the sound of the running shower and choso’s humming. you opened the window, before returning to bed, wrapping the blanket around you. the sound of waves sloshing against the shore echoed through the room, making you feel like you were actually sleeping at the beach.

it didn’t take long for choso to return; you felt the bed dip beside you before you heard him. pretending to be asleep, you waited until he said anything but were instead greeted with a kiss on your nape. you squirmed a little, the feelings of his lips tickling the sensitive skin. a giggle broke from your lips, unable to stay silent any longer. “did i make you wait for too long?” he asked quietly, grabbing you by the hips to turn you around to face him. you shook your head and gave him a smile, leaning in to peck his lips. “no but i did miss you. did i tell you that i now get what you meant by being distracted? you looked really hot in your trunks and so serious while giving me instructions.”

“ah, really?” choso hovered over you, placing his hands beside your head. you’d only offered simple compliments but he was already so fired up, making you grin. “you can’t just tell me that and expect me not to do anything. don’t you know that i’m always hungry for you? i’ll ravish you right here.”

“what if i want you to ravish me?” you bravely retorted, your voice slightly cracking at the end. rarely were you ever bold with him but at this moment, you might as well indulge him. as an reward for teaching you how to surf and being so patient about it. choso clicked with his tongue, pleased with your reply. before he could move, you suddenly felt an urge to go further, wanting to be the one to initiate intercourse for once. you placed your hands on his chest, pushing gently. he looked at you confused, cocking his head to the side. if it wasn’t for the hungry look in his eyes, you would’ve cooed at how adorable he looked. “uhm can i… suck you off for today? i mean you’re always the one who- who makes me feel so good and i know you said you liked it but i just wanted to return the favour…”

choso short circuited at your request, momentarily leaving his mouth wide open as he stared at you. “y- yeah of course, if that’s what you want,” he spluttered hastily, sitting up on his knees. feeling giddy, you shuffled off the bed, positioning yourself at the edge of the bed and waiting for him to move. choso gulped, slowly moving towards the edge. he leaned down to kiss you, your hands snaked towards the waistband of his sweatpants, some doubt overcame you again, slowing your movements. sensing your hesitation, he patted your head and ruffled your hair. “you don’t have to do it, if you feel too nervous about it.”

“no, i want to, really,” you assured him, grasping the waistband and dragging it down. choso lifted his hips slightly, helping you remove his pants. his boxers followed soon after. gently, you wrapped your hands around his semi-hard cock, giving it some gentle strokes. choso exhaled shakily, leaning back on his hands as he kept his watchful eyes on you. you leaned in, flattening your tongue against the underside, running your tongue over the underside, tracing it until you reached the cockhead. gingerly, you gave it a few kitten licks before wrapping your lips around it. hands still stroking him, you delved in, taking as much as much as you could. choso tilted his head back, moaning loudly. it spurred you on, eagerly you bopped your head against him, paying close attention to the sensitive head as you licked and sucked at it. curiously, you licked the slit, tasting the precum on it. the taste was unfamiliar, nothing like you’d ever had before but you weren’t sure what to make of it. but you weren’t grossed out by it, thankfully.

choso’s hips jerked when you touched a particularly sensitive spot, not being able to control his own body anymore. usually, he was more composed, holding himself back for the sake of you - immediately, he stopped and apologized, staring at you with wide eyes. “fuck, i’m so sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen. did i hurt you?” he cupped your cheek, guiltily examining you.

“‘m okay, don’t worry about it. it just surprised me a little, that’s all. but if it’s what you like… i uh, don’t mind,” you reassured him.

“f- fuck, you can’t just say that because i will and-”

“like i said, i don’t mind. i want to make you feel good too.” reluctantly, choso nodded and relaxed again, letting you proceed. you were eager to make him cum, enthusiastically moving your head along the shaft. you welcomed choso’s shallow thrusts, glancing up to watch his reactions. his skin was beautifully flushed, eyes were closed, groans muffled as he bit his bottom lip. you struggled to take his cock in deeper, instead wrapping your hands around the parts you couldn’t reach. when choso’s thrusts got sloppier, you could tell that he was getting close.

“y/n, fuck- i’m gonna- wait, you-” unable to finish his sentence, he moaned, hips stuttering again as you swirled your tongue around the sensitive tip. you suckled on his length eagerly, hands pumping the base faster and choso couldn’t keep it in any longer, coming with a loud moan. you continued suckling on the tip, helping him through his orgasm until he’s spilled all of him in your mouth. sitting back on your knees, you removed yourself from him.

eyes wide and glossy, you looked up at him as he pulled away slightly so he could look at you. choso brushed your hair back, then lifted your chin up, tapping your bottom lip. "show me," he said in a low, hoarse voice, patiently waiting until you opened your mouth and showed him. showed him his cum that was still pooling on your tongue. a few seconds passed until he finally reacted - just the sight of you on your knees, obediently following his orders and showing him your work had his insides stirring with something dark, possessive. "swallow," he whispered, adoringly cupping your cheek as you eagerly swallowed. your face felt hot, whether by embarrassment or pride, you didn't know. quietly cursing, he pulled you up while leaning down, meeting your lips halfway.

unceremoniously, choso dropped you on the bed, making you giggle quietly as you bounced on the mattress. hovering over you, he captured your lips in yet another kiss. you wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him to your body. choso pressed his groin against yours, experimentally rolling his hips to elicit a reaction from you. burying your face into the crook of his neck, you couldn’t help but writhe from the pleasure - and even though you’ve been sleeping with each other, you still felt too shy to ask him for… more. how could you express what exactly you wanted when you were craving all of him? when you wanted to engrave everything into your brain; the feeling of his body against yours, his touch, the sweet as well as the dirty words he whispered into your ear. it was almost unfair how easily he could draw a reaction from you, as if he’d memorized every little aspect about you already.

choso nipped at your neck, about to leave a mark when you frantically pushed at his chest. “no visible marks, i told you!” you reminded him, almost feeling bad when you saw his disappointed face. but rules were rules, you didn’t want your parents to find out you were sneaking around with someone; you were barely able to look into their eyes as is. he huffed against your neck, burying his face in the crook of your neck in frustration. seconds passed without a reaction before he finally sat up on his knees, hands reaching out to tug on your shirt. “but everywhere else is fine, hm?” he mused, dragging his warm hands across your chest to your shoulder to push the fabric off.

“i- i guess,” you spluttered, barely having any time to react as he’s already moved on, lavishing your breasts with kisses while leaving a trail of hickeys on them. you whimpered, hips rolling up against his. through your panties, you could feel the outlines of his cock; the anticipation of him filling you up made you salivate. choso was quick to remove your panties and rolling a condom on upon hearing your desperate whimpers that were urging him to move faster. no matter how many times you’d already slept together, he could never get enough of you - you made him feel like a teenager again, like he was constantly insatiable and hungry for you. judging from the look in your eyes, you seemed to feel the same way.

choso angled his cock against your entrance before sinking in, moaning in unison with you. he grasped your hands, pinning them against the pillows as you reached out, trying to touch him. you sobbed in disappointment, just wanting to feel him but choso was having none of it. the complaint was quickly forgotten when he started thrusting, the sound of his hips smacking against yours filling the room. he was diligent, hitting that spot inside you over and over again, enjoying how your legs that were wrapped around his waist were trembling. you were drowning, drowning in him, in the pleasure he so graciously provided you. choso painted your chest with marks, placing them dangerously close to where they would be peeking out underneath clothes. he knew you didn’t want anyone to see them but fuck, he wanted people to keep their hands away from you, wanted them to know that you were his.

you sung his praises, hips quickly bucking against his as he buries himself in you to the hilt. he filled you up so well, always dragging against your walls so deliciously. almost feral, choso fucked you harder, putting all his frustrations and emotions into the strength of his thrusts. it left you feeling breathless, clenching around him hard as you climbed higher and higher. never had choso fucked you like this before, like he was trying to prove something - you sobbed, tears springing forth from the intensity. it felt good, so good and you wanted to cum so bad, wanted to release. the pleasant warmth was spreading throughout your body, almost unbearably hot as you neared your climax. it erupted within you explosively, leaving you writhing in a babbling, incoherent mess. for many moments, your orgasm wrecked through you, making you see white and stars. in your euphoria, you didn’t notice how choso had cummed with you, whispering sweet praises in your ear as he rode you through your high. you didn’t notice how he disappeared, returning with a wet towel as per usual, how he kisses away the tears at the corner of your eyes. through your hazy mind, you could tell that he wrapped the blanket around you before disappearing again.

it took you a while to return back to your senses, marvelling about the sex you just had. what had possessed choso in that moment? could it be because you’d offered to suck him off? or was he so pent up the entire day? the click of the door made you lift your head towards the source of the sound, cooing when you saw choso padding towards you. he yawned quietly, crawling under the blanket and wrapping his arms around you. "exhausted?" you questioned him, nuzzling into him.

"mhmm, i feel like i could sleep in until noon tomorrow," as usual, he ran his fingers along your spine, drawing shapes on your back. sometimes you thought you could feel him spelling something out on your skin but the touches were always so fleeting that it was impossible for you to make it out. whatever it was, he must've been too wary or scared to share it with you. you were reminded of your earlier conversation - choso still hadn't said anything so you wanted to bring it up, not wanting any issues to arise between you.

"choso? do you want to talk about what was wrong earlier? i know you said you wanted to think about it, but i was wondering…"

choso interrupted you. "are you going to go on a date with the guy that your mum mentioned this morning?"

you shot him a bewildered look. so he had been thinking about it. you hesitated, not sure what to tell him. should you be upfront and tell him how you feel? or give him a mild version, so he didn't feel cornered by you?

"i'm… i'm not sure yet. the thought of going on a date with someone else is kind of daunting but i think i'll do it just so my mum's happy."

"i see." uncomfortable silence seeped between the two of you. you could tell that choso was irritated, the frown on his face clearly indicating it. and yet, he didn't elaborate, leaving you to figure out what he meant by that. not daring to move, you stayed still, waiting for him to continue. choso sighed, placing his forehead against yours. "i think this is selfish of me but i can't stand the thought of seeing you with someone else. i wish… i wish it was only me that you looked at."

"you don't want me to go on a date with him?"

"yeah. i- i can't tell you why that is. it's selfish and dumb, hence why i didn't want to tell you. and it's not something that you should worry about. i'm just your escort after all, there's nothing more between us."

his words stung. even though it was the truth, the words still stung, driving a knife right into your heart. it was the very thing that nobara and maki had warned you about. but here you were, heart breaking in a million pieces. perhaps it was the fact that choso didn't tell you the reason, didn't seem to trust you with it, that made you recoil immediately. the walls around your heart were immediately put back into place, safeguarding you from any further harm. he wasn’t obligated to tell you anything and you knew that - there was probably also another reason why he felt that way. any further digging would probably make him recoil as well, it wouldn’t do you any good. whatever was growing between you, it had to stop now. choso simply saw you as a client, probably had been this entire time. again, you were reminded of the fact that he might have been acting this entire time, none of the affection he showed you ever being real.

“i- yeah… i guess,” you replied dejectedly, looking away from him. “i’ll figure it out with him, don’t worry. i’ll just keep my mum happy with it, there’s nothing more to it.”

choso bit his lip, refraining from replying to it any further. you already knew more than you were ever supposed to, he should have never let it slip that he didn’t like seeing you with other potential love interests. it pained him to keep this hidden, keep it a secret from you - but the less you knew, the better. he couldn’t imagine you being okay with being in a relationship with him while he was still an escort, nor did he think that your parents would be thrilled about it. from what you’d revealed to him, he could tell that they treasured you and wanted to minimize any possible harm as much as possible. and that included hand-picking a suitable partner for you. he might never be what your parents envisioned for you and he might never become your love interest so every session that you booked was a blessing to him.

sighing, he placed one last kiss on your cheek before wishing you a good night. but even when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, he was wide awake, not being able to stop the onslaught of thoughts.

weeks passed without you ever contacting choso again. your resolve would have never been this strong, hadn’t nobara intervened. while you were moping and still feeling restless, helpless even, she made sure to delete his number and made you take care of the bills before cutting off contact entirely. normally, she would have commented on it - but seeing how you were struggling through your first heartbreak, she decided to let it be. and because maki wouldn’t have hesitated to have her head if you’d ever snitched. maki had encouraged you to take your mind off things, dragging you along to some of the sports classes she attended. it did lift your mood ever so slightly, much to your surprise, it was more fun that you’d originally anticipated. maki attended so many different classes that seemed so intense that you were scared to join at first. in between the classes, you spent more time with your friends. gradually you opened up to them, explaining them the entire issue with choso and how you had struggled to let go. you told them one by one, until it was finally time to let megumi know.

out of everyone, megumi scared you the most - not because he was intimidating or violent but because you knew how he would react. he’d most definitely be upset about it because he was protective over his friends, not wanting them to be harmed in any way. you’d pleaded that at least nobara should tag along to knock some sense into him, should he snap - but megumi’s reaction surprised you. when you finished your story, he was awfully quiet. you assumed he was boiling in anger, reaching out to appease him but he was frowning, making a contemplative face. “uh listen, i think that choso’s yuuji’s brother.”

“he’s what?” nobara’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. megumi had recently started going out with someone that he’d met during work and though he hadn’t introduced you to said person yet, you did know that his name was yuuji.

“yuuji’s brother. i haven’t met him yet but he’s been complaining about his brother for weeks now,” megumi explained, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “choso’s an escort, right? it has to be yuuji’s brother. i’ve stayed over at yuuji’s place a couple of times… yuuji was venting, asking me about advice on how to get his brother out of a rut. apparently, choso’s been affected by this uh… somewhat breakup as well. yuuji’s suggested to him that he should reach out to you to talk but he said something about his work and your parents...”

“huh. what an interesting coincidence…” nobara mumbled but narrowed her eyes at you. “but you’re not going back to him, right?”

all the blood in your body froze. why had choso brought up your parents? they had never been a part of your relationship, you had only told him how overprotective they were and how they liked choosing your partners and friends for you. could it be?

“no, i don’t think so. i’m… very conflicted about our feelings to each other. it was stupid to give into my feelings for him in the first place. i hired someone to act as my fake boyfriend, someone who does this for a living. i think they know better than to catch feelings for their clients,” you sighed frustrated, shaking your head. there was no way in hell this situation could ever turn back around, even if you now knew that choso had also been affected. and still, he never reached out to me, you thought bitterly.

“i think you should talk it out though, if he does reach out to you,” megumi chimed in, awkwardly patting your shoulder in an attempt to comfort you. “from what yuuji’s told me, it does seem like his feelings are genuine. he didn’t outright push you away, right? who knows what could happen?”

in the end, you couldn’t help but confess to your parents. secrets were bound to be revealed one way or another and you figured it was better you opened up before they found out from someone else. the uncomfortable silence that spread through your apartment created a gloomy atmosphere; the tension was thick and palpable, making you shuffle in your seat in unease. your father hadn’t uttered any word while your mother had completely lost it, not understanding why you hadn’t instead chosen one of the boys she’d always introduced you to.

“all this time you were seeing this boy? and not once did you let us know. i could have asked my friend if they knew someone, their sons are so nice-”

“mum, i already told you i wanted to find someone on my own without having my options being presented to me on a silver plate. and you’re always so disappointed when i end up rejecting them after going through all of the hassle,” you interrupted her, giving her a defiant look. it wasn’t often that you opposed your parents like this but you felt like it was needed - your mother didn’t understand you, nor did she try. you were an adult, for fuck’s sake. you were very much capable of making your own decisions and mistakes to learn from.

“and yet you went to hire an escort! why didn’t you go and meet some of your classmates? i don’t understand why you went such lengths and then even ended up falling in love with them! how would you even pursue a relationship with them?” your mother seethed at you, knuckles blanching from how hard she was gripping her handbag. your father placed a hand on hers, whispering some soothing words in her ear.

“darling, i think y/n knows well that she’s made a mistake and is hurting from it. we don’t need to add to the stress, do we?” he assured her, then looking at you. “y/n, you know that i’m disappointed in you as well. but i don’t blame you for it, i think it’s partly my fault that you felt the need to hire an escort just to… gain some experience. i did take away all your possibilities of a relationship after all…”

“don’t encourage her! this problem won’t just be solved by you spoiling her again, do you know what kind of consequences it could h-”

a loud knock interrupted your mother’s rambling. you were confused - you didn’t expect anyone else for today. it was too late for someone to bring packages. who could it be? you excused yourself, padding towards the door to see who it was. you swore that you briefly suffered from a heart attack when the door swung open to reveal choso. he stared at you equally as stunned, seemingly not having expected you to open and greet him. “w- what are you doing here?” you asked, hating how shaky your voice sounded. how your heart soared, having missed his presence around you. the feelings had never been properly buried, only hidden by a thin layer of pretense that was now quickly being washed away.

“i’m sorry for just turning up unannounced… i was hoping- hoping to be able to talk to you for a bit? i wanted to explain myself,” choso replied, unaware of the two persons in your apartment that were straining their necks to be able to get a look at him.

you groaned. why now? the timing was just too comical, fate must really hate you. “i’m sorry, my parents are here right now. maybe, another t-”

“aha, so this is the boy my daughter has been sleeping with,” your mother appeared behind you, snarling at choso maliciously. panicking, your father had followed her quickly, holding her back by her arm. “you have some nerve appearing here as if nothing happened, what is it that you-”

“darling.” your father cleared his voice, shooting daggers at her. “there’s no need to be rude.”

swiftly, he introduced himself and your mother to choso, politely shaking his hand. choso remained calm, as usual, and introduced himself as well. if he was shocked by the entire ordeal, he sure didn’t show it. his face remained a perfect poker face, no emotions seeping through. “i wanted to talk to your daughter, ma’am. i assume she’s told you about our relationship and how we broke apart. there is no ulterior motive here, i just wanted to explain myself and talk it out.”

“that’s-!”

your father interrupted your mother again, not giving her another opportunity to spit venom at choso. “i think that is a good idea. though she has not opened up about everything, i can tell that she is hurting as much as you are. i believe a discussion would be very productive. but what is your intention? what are you going to do once you’ve explained yourself?”

suddenly, you felt like you were forgotten or invisible in the entire discussion. were they ignoring you? you were standing right there and yet no one was addressing you. you huffed, trying to pull their focus back on you. “nothing’s gonna happen, dad. there was nothing for us to work with and there won’t be.”

choso felt like he’d been slapped. he didn’t know what to make of your reaction but he came here for one reason only: to give you the closure that you deserved and he wasn’t going to leave until he accomplished just that. “i intend to apologize to her. judging from your wife’s reaction, you don’t seem to like me very much. i can’t imagine you would ever accept me, i know i don’t live up to your standards. i don’t deserve your daughter, she deserves so much more than what i can offer. and i’m aware of it. but if she’s willing to have me, i’ll try my very best to live up to your standards, to prove myself to you. i just want to be with her and make her happy. i’m in love with her and that’s what i intended to tell her.”

your heart stopped at his confession. all this time, choso loved you? megumi had been right all along. choso returned your feelings and he was here, so close and yet so far. dread filled you as you realized your parents could possibly drive him away, make him disappear from your life with just a snap of their fingers. you cherished choso more than you were aware of, the adoration running deep in your veins even when you were trying to reject him.

“i see. that’s reason enough for me. we’ve already let her have a piece of our mind, i don’t think she needs more telling off. my little girl has grown so much and it’s time to let her make her own decisions, growing and mistakes,” your father shot your mother a look. she’d calmed down, choso’s explanation seemingly having brought her back to her senses. she looked away, not wanting to look him in the eyes. “we’ll let you deal with this. but know that if she does take you back, i won’t go easy on you, alright? the bars are high and i don’t intend to lower them just because you love her. prove to me, that you’re worthy of her.”

“i will,” choso sounded so sure and confident that it made your father grin - you sure had found someone who took great care of you and wasn’t afraid to stand tall in front of your father. and that he liked, someone who wasn’t scared to back down from a challenge, someone who would be the perfect partner for you. as your parents said goodbye and left, he gave choso a pat on the shoulder before exiting the apartment, leaving the two of you to your own devices.

you didn’t know what to say, how to start. standing in the hallway was awkward but you couldn’t move just yet, instead wanting to hear what he had to say first. “you love me?” you croaked, your voice failing you. now that your parents were gone, you could freely show your emotions, not being able to hold the tears back any longer. choso panicked, fussing over you as you started to cry. furiously, you wiped the tears away with the sleeves of your sweater.

“i do. i uhm wish i had found a better way to tell you this. i figured that you probably thought that everything we did was simply a facade but i promise you that it was all real. i don’t know when exactly but i started falling for you along the way and it was hard… to remind myself that you were a client and i was just there to provide the service to you, you know? i had no right to get mad at you if you decided to go and see other people. and i wasn’t sure of your feelings for me, it was…” choso trailed off, struggling to find the right word but you knew what he meant and nodded, signaling him to continue. “i just didn’t want to tie you to me when you… when you might not like me back or even want to be with an escort.”

you sniffled quietly, wrapping your arms around him immediately, with such a speed that it almost knocked the air out of his lungs. confused, choso wrapped his arms around you, tucking your head under his chin and rubbing your back soothingly. he was relieved that you didn’t push him away at least and let him explain everything in one go. he felt more at ease now and was at peace with the decision to immediately leave and never butt in your life again in case you rejected him.

“all this time, i also loved you,” you mumbled, an upset frown on your face. “i- i just kept thinking that you’d never return my feelings and that you were just playing boyfriend because i hired you to do so and-”

you hiccuped, another sob tearing from your throat.

“when you told me not to go on that date and immediately followed it with you only being my escort and nothing more, it hurt me so much and i know it was stupid and childish of me to react in such a way but… i was just spiraling, i love you so much and didn’t know where to place the anxieties and negative feelings.”

choso shushed you quietly when your sobs grew more frequent and you let him pick you up, clinging onto him as he walked over to the couch and sat on it with you on his lap. “shh, you’re okay, we’re okay,” he mumbled against the crown of your head, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “i’m sorry i hurt you so much, i was not aware that you already liked me back then and that my words would have such an effect on you.”

over and over, choso apologized quietly until you calmed down, slumping against his chest. you stayed silent, trying to piece your thoughts and feelings back together so as to present him with a coherent and logical question. your mind was in shambles and you hoped that choso would at least get what you were hinting at. “so w- what do we do now? where do we- we go from here?”

“as i’ve already told your dad… if you’ll have me, i’ll make it up to you, all the hurt that i’ve caused you. i love you, so much. i want to be your boyfriend, and this time officially.”

“i like the sound of it,” you mumbled, tilting your head back to look at him. “will you be my boyfriend?”

“it would be an honour, princess.”

with a kiss, choso sealed the deal, easily catapulting you back on cloud nine. who would have thought that the escort you’d hired to be your fake boyfriend would turn out to be the prince charming you had always hoped for, surpassing even your wildest dreams and expectations. choso was everything you wanted and more - he was the person you wanted to wake up to every morning, the person you wanted to come home to. he was the person with whom you wanted to spend your life with, the person that loved you so unconditionally and never expected anything in return. you were lucky that he chose you, that he loved you back. out of all the persons in the universe, it was him.

he was perfect and he was yours.

p.s.: if you've made it until the end: thank you so much for reading!

[bottoms-movie]

SAMBUCKY FIC RECS

so a lot of people seemed interested this so here it is! if ya’ll like this, i can make more parts! this is split into three categories: based on tfatws, canon divergence, and au. all fics are on ao3. all of the fics are complete. some fics do include smut, but i included the ratings, so make sure to check for that based on preferences!

also, feel free to send me asks on your thoughts on any fics or if you’re interested in another sambucky fic rec post!

BASED ON TFATWS

Fill the Hole in my Heart | Not Rated | 4,848 words

Bucky dives into the world of online dating. The girls are nice, but there seems to be something missing. When he goes to Louisiana to meet Sam and his family, he realizes what that something was.

Skip, Reverse | Explicit | 7,945 words

Sam stood in the middle of their local Target with a throw pillow in each hand. The one in his left hand was butter-soft and matched the drapes in the living room, but Bucky had walked by five seconds ago and declared the one on the right “absolutely fucking hideous,” and so now Sam kind of wanted it more than he had ever wanted anything.

Sometimes romance is just bickering with your superhero partner/roommate at several different Target locations.

just won’t do right | General | 7,524 words

Sam's eyebrows go up, impressed, and he reaches over to squeeze Torres' shoulder, "This is amazing, kid. Thanks, really."

Bucky sits and watches in utter horror as the pink darkens on Torres' cheeks.

Oh, he realizes. Oh. Fuck.

body language will do the trick | Explicit | 12,598 words

“There’s no way you’re going to win this,” Bucky tells Sam. “I am going to love language the shit out of you.”

Sam gives him a considering look. “You do seem like you’d be really good at that.”

Bucky’s cheeks flush with heat. “Thanks, pal, I—”

Sam smirks, and Bucky’s eyes narrow. He shoves his elbow into Sam’s side and stalks off, leaving Sam cackling behind him.

“Your ass looks great today!” Sam yells.

Bucky reaches up to flip Sam the bird, and he definitely does not feel grateful that he wore his good jeans today. Bucky’s ass looks great every day.

checklist | General | 4,716 words

Bucky Barnes keeps a mental checklist of things he knows to be true at any given moment. Sometimes the checklist changes, because he's learned something else about himself. It changes, for example, when he starts realizing that maybe he would like to kiss Sam Wilson. Maybe.

best laid plans | 3 parts | 26,808 words

part 1: baby you’re the wave and I’m ready for the crash | Explicit | 6,616 words

Nah, my plan’s better,” Sam declares, before clapping Bucky on the shoulder.

“I’m sorry, what plan? Was that a plan? It didn’t sound like a plan to me, it sounded like a vague intention,” says Bucky, still scowling, and Sam grins.

“We’re winging it, the plan is a work in progress! Now c’mon, we gotta make some wardrobe adjustments if we’re gonna get into that club.”

Sam and Bucky have some unorthodox methods of going undercover in a club.

He Doesn’t Deserve You! | Teen | 5,154 words

Sam and Bucky have an argument that results in Bucky being left at the bar. A group of drunk strangers assumes Bucky just got dumped and quickly adopt him for the night to make him feel better.

Reconstitution | Not Rated | 10,228 words

“I didn’t back Steve on the Sokovia Accords,” Sam says unprompted one day. They’re so close to apprehending the Flagsmashers and wrapping up this ridiculous saga.

“I don’t follow,” Bucky says.

“I was the one who refused to sign it first. Not Steve.”

Sam says it so softly that Bucky has to strain to hear him. Sam is loud and chatty and half the time he keeps up a constant stream of chatter just to get on Bucky’s nerves, but Bucky’s coming to realize that when he really wants to make himself heard, he’s soft spoken and mild. Bucky doesn’t entirely follow his train of thought, though.

Or: a breaking down, remaking, and coming back stronger than ever before

Stuck On You (You Suez, You Luez) | Explicit | 10,136 words

Sam and Bucky’s mission was simple: stowaway on a ship suspected of weapons-smuggling in the Suez, gather enough intel to report back, and hop off again in Port Said. Something gets in the way, and a day-long recon session turns into a week of chess, bickering, semi-successful movie references, and trying not to go slowly insane.

His Touch | Mature | 1,006 words

When Baron Zemo touched Bucky’s face, Sam Wilson saw red.

Bucky just wants Sam to comfort him.

rusted | Teen | 2,358 words

Bucky doesn’t grace him with a sound of acknowledgement. He’s been quiet, ever since that night with Zemo. Well. Quieter. It’s almost like. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s half-expecting the Winter Soldier to come out.

He hasn’t, yet. Won’t, ever again. Not unbidden. Sam’s sure of that. Bucky, not so much.

‘You busy?’

‘’m scouring the—’

‘Good,’ Sam cuts the idiot off, ‘I need you to help me shave.’

advanced therapy methods for large adult men | 2 parts | 11,717 words

part 1: The Gottman Method for Dealing with Conflict | Mature | 4,187 words

Bucky and Dr. Raynor have a follow-up session and two entirely different conversations about his relationship status.

Or: Let's do more couples therapy, James.

it’s always Bucky’s Fault | 3 parts | 20,089 words

part 1: Did you see it? | Explicit | 3,905 words

In which there's supposedly a viral video of the Winter Soldier on his knees sucking off Captain America.

Everything is, like always, completely Bucky's fault.

CANON DIVERGENCE

Even in the Present (I Am Living in the Past) | Teen | 16,977 words

Sometimes Sam still questions everything about his ability to shoulder the 80-year legacy he now bears. His history, and the history of his loss, sticks with him and even in healing he doubts whether or not he is able to fulfil his purpose, and whether he may find lasting peace and happiness.

Told in fluid-fragments, the story moves between his therapy sessions after his return from active duty and the post-Endgame present.

You never forget your first | Teen | 3,650 words

The story of Bucky and Sam getting together in a series of firsts.

leftovers | Mature | 19,249 words

With the New Avengers up and running, Sam finally has time to start dating again. Unfortunately, it's not going as well as he'd hoped.

Partners | Explicit | 7,235 words

Sam's not sure if he can be Captain America. He's not a supersoldier. He can't throw the shield. He's just a dude.

And Bucky Barnes is just a nuisance, albeit a pretty good-looking one.

I’ll explain everything to the geese | Explicit | 50,949 words

Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

Night Swimming | Teen | 2,056 words

“Come on. The princess has a new arm for you and I gotta see if there’s a barber around here willing to tackle your…” Sam waved a hand at Bucky’s face.

“I don’t want a new arm,” Bucky immediately bit out.

And then -

“I can cut my own damn hair.”

Sam just raised both eyebrows. Crossed his arms over his chest again.

Dared Bucky to prove him wrong.

AU

Cpvert Coffee & Flirtation Specialist | General | 5,542 words

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield?? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

Stolen Moments | Teen | 98,767 words

“No,” Sam said, chuckling. “I don’t cheat,” he swept his gaze up and down James’ body, “even with guys who look like you. But, I’m bored and a little pissed, so if you wanna sit here and shoot the shit ‘til my man shows back up, I’m game.”

Never one to back to back down from a challenge - especially a challenge who looked like Sam Wilson - Bucky took another swig from his bottle and replied, “Sure, doll. I’ve got nothing but time.”

Steve has Sam. Bucky wants Sam. Sam wasn’t expecting any of this.

Such a Whirlwind Since I Saw You | Teen | 10,871 words

The Men of Letters turned Bucky Barnes into a weapon. Hunters Steve Rogers and Natasha Romanov are determined to save him, but they're going to need Sam Wilson's help.

“So you want me to ditch work, drive across America with you until you find your friend, who you thought was dead - all while avoiding some high-tech hunters who are out for blood?” Sam is asking.

Steve shrugs a shoulder, looking a little sheepish. Natasha almost laughs at the dry tone of Sam’s voice, but he's not wrong.

You Got What I Need? | Explicit | 37,588 words

Sam and Bucky are both in a bind, professionally. Nat points out a solution that neither men like. To save their careers they play along or rather, stop playing all together.