#maybe im just a fucking wacko

[bugbxyjunk]

everybody wants a mentally unstable bf until i literally start obsessing over you and you become my Favorite Person

[bangcakes]

.

[stonerskinny]

last few days have been a food nightmare

tmrw ill just let myself b/p my leftovers if i’m feeling fucking stupid and then im starting a fast

i’ve gotten fucking weak again. i need to get my shit together for july

actually no you know what? fast starts now. no more fucking excuses. i’ve been nothing but a slob since i got out of the hospital and im not gonna let those wackos poison me with their recovery bullshit anymore. i’m doing this or im killing myself, period.

i don’t deserve to get better. i deserve to hurt. so i need to get sicker.

haven’t had any xanax today. maybe i’ll have a drink.

self harmed twice, purged once. debated offing myself 72291075920184829 times.

been brainstorming notes for a few days now. gotta get those written down eventually.

i don’t know how long i give myself until i try it again. soon, probably. maybe a couple weeks. unless i can get into a good rhythm with restriction again. sorry. yes, i’ll tell my therapist. probably. i don’t know anymore. none of it really matters in the grand scheme of things, does it?

told my favorite high school teacher last night that i was in fact still alive after my suicide attempt in march, because i forgot to update him. he was glad i was alive. i am not.

i wish i was dead.

whatever.

[nonbinaryaubrey]

all the boss🚪 shit makes me feel GENUINELY ill, the way he does not censor the @s and lambasts literal children to his fanbase of bootlickers is vile behaviour

it feels like im watching a 2014 animation meme drama video but its an malicious adult (is he an adult?? he sounds like an adult?? he’s definitely to old for this type of behaviour for sure) instead of some misinformed child.. like dude, just go back to milking omori mods instead of whining about how you’re ‘apparently controversial!!!’ now <- hint number one someones a fucking wacko, that shit is in his BIO..

i love how his fans are so ‘well, they’re not REAL kids’ meanwhile he’s inviting harassment OF real children

EXACTLY exactly. i am..pretty sure bossdoor is in his ..20s? iirc. so hes a full grown ass fucking adult essentially sending his audience to a bunch of teens on twitter. i dont have much to add to this ask but. i agree so much UGH. its. wildly irresponsible and also dangerous i believe. some ppl i know were shown in the video and it makes me worry for them :(. just augh. disgusting behavior. all over ppl getting mad at him for is (very shit and ass) opinions. sure ppl were mean and maybe hurted his fee-fees but. by god to just show their @ s to your 22k audience is. insane.

[angustully]

i WANT to go home for thanksgiving i really do. and basically i am fully planning on doing so but i am genuinely worrying way too much about what to do when it comes to potentially seeing my dad. we still have not talked more than the few times he sends me a "sallie mae called again, fuck you" text (the fuck you is never explicit but its def implied). last month or maybe even 2 months ago now i do not remember but I texted HIM an apology, and in it i also said i did not forgive him for the bullshit he pulled last summer (WILD to think about it being that long ago.. lmfao) and he never responded to it LOL just fully ignored it. sent me a text 2 days later that he got another call from SM. so thats that i guess! but the problem now is my sisters..... i cant trust them to be on my side. and that really fucking sucks and hurts my feelings if im being so honest. and i dont mean that they shouldnt go visit him out of solidarity or whatever but like i cant even bring him up without them trying to be diplomatic and be all "both sides are bad" about it man. and im just worried that if i choose to skip out on dinner at his house next friday, they will tell him that im in town and just decided not to come, rather than what i think they should do which is just lie and say i had other plans or that i didnt come home for thanksgiving at all lol. because if he knows im in town he knows ill be staying at my moms and if he was willing to drive 5 hours across state lines to threaten me at my apartment he will certainly have no problem driving 30 mins from his house to my moms to threaten me there!! so i really dont know what to do! like i really cant even trust my siblings to just not bring me up or to change the subject or fucking idk man. so im considering rearranging my whole plans, missing thanksgiving day (which wouldnt be that bad bc its my stepdads family and theyre fucking wackos..) and pushing my travel time back and not even leaving my apt until like mid afternoon on friday just so i really cant make it and ill at least have some plausible deniability. i dont fucking know man. its all so stupid. the thing is too, im perfectly content with just going no contact. i do not think about this man at all until he shows up in my messages. but he is such a fucking vindictive little bitch that he NEEDS to keep poking and prodding at me because he needs the attention. like.. just stop texting me damnnn 😭 fucking loser ass father!

[castlebyersafterdark]

people who dislike hopper i never get. he was perfection in s1 as a character. he's stable and steadfast in s2 and we root for jopper all the way. s3 everyone went a bit off base, and you gotta wonder... was it deliberate ? surely the writers know what theyre doing. and it was entertaining as hell. and then we see backstory in s4. i don't love the military stuff with the russians but hopper's snowy storyline was actually so compelling because it felt like moody dark s1 hopper again and i missed him. his el storyline is so moving. so so moving. like, if they wanted me to cry during mike's i love you monologue - well they clearly didnt cos they can make me cry in 0.5 seconds flat with the el/hopper reunion, even when im at my most bitter and anti-el lol.

but mostly i just don't understand the hate hopper gets for yelling at mike and treating mileven that way in s3? he was soooo justified cos mike was being an actual little shit and so disrespectful. he needed to learn a lesson and if that lesson was a bit wacko by todays standards then guess what! it was the 80s! and like i said before, entertaining as hell lol. i mean the whole dont mess with jim thing is iconic and we were clearly meant to be on hop's side and laugh. if you were siding with mike atp then you must have been fighting for your life lol cos who wouldnt smile at that music as hopper pulls up to melvalds

wow i have opinions on this lol

COSIGNED!!! Vibing with all of this, I don't need to repeat you because you popped off and gave a stunning sermon. Now, I can understand a lot of people didn't like the Russian plot overall, and I can lean towards that, too - but the problem wasn't Hopper for it. Maybe the Russian plot being included in the series the way it is overall is a misstep, we'll see what relevance it has to close out the show, but Hopper was compelling within that storyline, despite of it.

My final line is just a criticism of the blandest of criticism: "Fuck Hopper because fuck cops!" Well, yeah!!! Agree with the last part!! Are we saying that Jim Hopper is a stunning example of copaganda? Do you really think he's a model police officer meant to prop up the profession? Are you actually serious? 🤣🤣🤣 Messy.

[imflyinoveryou]

i love my family so ridiculously and even excessively, i am crazy about them, but living with them makes me feel wacko

i know no one in my life is ever to blame for my feelings or for my behavior, but when i am alone i am sooo much happier. i cope in healthy manners. when i had the house to myself for a week i cleaned every fucking day! i ate everyday! i danced and stretched and went for walks and felt like myself.

but jesus, i feel like i get sucked fucking dry. ari, take me here, ari, do this, ari, what the fuck is wrong with you, ari, i'm sad, ari, i'm stressed, ari, i'm lonely, ari, please watch the baby, ari, i need some money. and i do it all but it isnt good enough. im still selfish, im still lazy, i "dont give a fuck". god forbid i hate you getting high! god fucking forbid I have feelings too! theres always this expectation that i place everyone in my life before myself. im so fucking over it.

i need to be stronger and put my fucking foot down and if they hate me for it, fuck em. it sucks because i feel like a traitor for it and lord knows that theyll accuse me of it. but i cannot afford to live this way any longer. i want to have friends again, i want to feel alive again. i am tired of babying every single person in my life at the expense of all of my energy and of my character, too, because somehow i do not do good enough in spite of sacrificing everything. it blows my mind how quickly my family attacks my character when i do not behave accordingly...and my time! my most precious and valuable asset. i give it all away and for whattttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im not complaining about my family needing support and love but at the rate in which i am expected to just allow the mistreatment, in the name of trauma responses or what the fuck ever, without me ever being given the fucking same tolerance back. i cant help but resent them and also myself, because after awhile it starts to feel like maybe i deserve it.

[woodsteingirl]

samael!! since you’re my official natm mutual, i’m so compelled to ask: do you have a natm oc/character [or multiple!] and if so….if you have any descriptions of them, I’d love that <3

SO sorry this took me a minute omg. went through a moment where i thought i was really cringe (im over it now <3) but yeah i have a few!!! im going to pick my favorites and tell you their descriptions. some of these are from my own planning notes so apologies if they’re a little incomprehensible 💙🦋🌀🪁

Natanaël Auclair: he’s from the french revolution diorama and is named because I'm obsessed with the ae sound AND I love a good accent mark. He was an orator who wrote pamphlets in his real history life. He comes from an upper-middle-class area, so he’s pretty well educated. sort of obsessed with the classics both as a life model and a political model. almost Voltaire-esque because I want him to be sort of a philosophy guy too. In addition to the overall crisis of his situation, you could throw a weird relationship with religion in there too. make him more fucked up. He’s quite taken with the meditations of Marcus Aurelius as well as the works of Spinoza. He comes off as stuck up to almost everyone he meets, but this is just passion for what he does that comes off as condescending. Almost ADHD core in that regard. Gay? I think so. He’s like the Sartre of the French Revolution. (lie.) MAKES HIM A DETERMINIST THEN DIES OF HAVING TO THINK ABOUT DETERMINISM.

Octavia Antonina: This is Octavius’s daughter I can’t imagine she’s more than in her early 20s to late teens, her depiction probably comes from like a few years after Octavius’s, assuming the history is coming from the same texts. Tacitus’s the life of Agricola situation if you will. She probably died relatively young or not long after her figure is set. I’d give it another 5-10 years. Probably of consumption, Antonine plague, tuberculosis, etc, etc. from experience, I’d say she has every right to be pissed out of her mind. First, she’s willed to be conscious in this wacko land about 2000 years from when she was alive, THEN she has to reconcile with her absent father who is now THEE number one person in charge so there’s not anyone else you can go to. She's sort of normal at first (angry in her own right but whatever) but as she starts remembering specific events that happened while she was alive, I imagine she becomes more insane mental. By the end, she’s settled and gotten used to the whole thing, but it’s a journey, not a sprint, so she’s still dealing with everything. She’s grappling if you will.

Christine “Lottie'' Madden: a woman from the progressive era area who is like. super outspoken in her opinions, she’s probably not necessarily well-liked by the majority of people around her. she’s probably one of the first people Octavius meets from outside of his area, she’s gay, also. she’s stuck the neighborhood of stuck up rich people in this life at least for the time being. she’s not afraid to say exactly what she thinks and this gets her almost banned from all social events going onward, she’s not, on the condition of they’re going to be there forever and ever and it sort of adds drama. oh, the queer history of the woman’s suffrage movement is sooo interesting okay. MAYBE I set her up with the lady from the French revolution area. I think that would be fun. I also think she’s pissed off all the time and is constantly internally judging people.

Inès Descombs: She’s also from the French Revolution area! I named her because I'm obsessed with Inez from No Exit so I’m making her existentialism core because of this. Henceforth she does NOT agree with Natanaël on the subject of free will, she’ll go to her grave defending it. she’s not As educated as Natanaël, but she was still taught philosophy and literature by her father, since she also grew up relatively well off. maybe she writes a pamphlet or two under a pen name. I'd LOVE to set her with Lottie from the other area, like two revolutionary women, who aren’t taken as seriously as their male counterparts but are still fighting for what they believe in regardless. lesbianism omg. She’s a fiery spirit who has overcome being belittled by being openly intellectual and not attempting to mask her opinions. She doesn’t idolize classical society like Natanaël, but she is familiar with the history. I think she was part of the Women’s March on Versailles.

[shadowhunterspolycule]

the first major snowfall in ages finally hit nyc recently and all im imaging is the Polycule attaching snowboards and the such to the back of simons van and them just being happy with snow day activities

oof, this ask is from so many months ago, i'm so sorry. i was very busy. i'm also not sure how great my answer will be because i'm a whole ass brazilian so i have no idea what snow day activies are, but i will try anyway

so, major advantages: meliorn has magic and maia is a werewolf and if i'm not mistaken it's said or implied that werewolves have a higher core body temperature than humans. or maybe i made that up, but it's canon for me

major disadvantages: raphael and simon are vampires, which means that technically they are kind of "cold-blooded" creatures? i mean they would still have other important temperature regulating mechanisms such as mitochrondrial heat production and muscle contraction, but they basically don't have a heartbeat/blood flow/arguably blood at all, which is a major way of regulating core temperature, and canonically their skin feels pretty cold, so like. they probably are more suscetible to temperature changes is what i'm saying (i'm mostly going off this source [link] for this. i'm already overthinking this answer good job me)

plus i am once again saying that raphael is from guadalajara which means that like me he is used to Worm Temperchoores, like, WAY warmer than NYC's, and he grew up without pretty much any kind of snow at all. and sure he's lived in NYC for years so he's SOMEWHAT used to the cold but he still spent his formative years in guadalajara, so like. he fucking hates the cold, is my point

but back to major advantages: meliorn and magic! which means they can do something about it. don't ask me what, but i'm sure they can do Something. i mean i'm sure to some extent the downworld has already figured out a solution to this problem cuz while it might not kill them (since they're immortal) it is very uncomfortable and probably makes them slower, which is a disadvantage to say the least. plus raphael has magnus who knows that raphael is a grumpy ass in the cold. also i think java is similarly hot so magnus Gets It, but idk what the temperatures usually are in jakarta

anyway my point is that magnus probably got some coats/vests/blankets spelled for his boy so they can keep him toasty (since they are otherwise kinda useless for vampires since they rely on trapping body heat and vampires don't have any) and vampires in general probably have access to that kinda stuff, but still, rapha gets grumpy and his face is still cold and everything is just awful and he doesn't understand how gringos do it. his complaints fly for about 2 days before the New Yorker Squad™ (particularly simon and maia, who drag clary and inevitably everyone else is there) decides that they've had enough of this and that raphael will learn how to enjoy the snow

he is like "i am not willingly going into the snow! you don't understand, i'm a vampire, i won't get back my body heat the way you do". simon: "i literally am also a vampire". raphael: "you're just a fledgeling, you wouldn't understand" "i've been a vampire for like, ten years!" "seven" "same thing" "it's so not the-" "i have gone through enough winters to be able to understand, and you, sir, are going to learn to enjoy the snow. have you EVER even made a snow angel?" "no" "well this changes today"

he literally has no excuse because meliorn has this super sweet spell that keeps him from losing heat so like. he doesn't even need a coat (he's still wearing it and preferably also a scarf and gloves because he is, first and foremost, dramatic) so he is forced to have a day off and go play in the snow, woe is him

(he tells the clan that should they need anything they should ring him, but they're like "nah simon has promised us pictures of you in the snow, we can handle ourselves" and it's not like raphael is too busy these days, really)

anyway! they have fun. simon strikes me as the winter lover kind of person altho really i think he enjoys all seasons in their own way, but like... hot chocolate and scarves and snow fights, yes? and while i think maia might prefer warmer temperatures she can double enjoy herself in the snow now that she's a werewolf because she gets less cold and like, damn, tell me that being a wolf and jumping headfirst into a pile of snow wouldn't be fun. you can't, unless you're a bad taste bitch

i also think maia is the building snow forts kind of gal because, idk, she just looks that way. and sure she's excited about kicking everyone's asses during snowball fight but FIRST she needs to have a full fort complete with towers and windows for her to throw snowballs from and shit

rapha is the one that helps her build it the most cuz he likes the motions and besides it is a little less energetic than whatever it is that the rest of these wackos are doing. again izzy didn't get any chances to play in the snow either so naturally clary is dragging her around from snow activity to snow activity and running around everywhere and holy shit they have so much energy. simon is there as well naturally and eventually they make it their goal in life to ruin maia's and rapha's fort, which ends up kickstarting the mandatory snowball fight. even tho maia only has a half complete fort

(eventually when everyone has left maia and rapha will come back and finish the fort. it's the principle of the thing. raphael also wants to build an igloo or some shit and maia rolls her eyes but actually i can see him being into building snow things? it's just soothing and nice and quiet and he can pretend there's Elegance and Finesse to it)

and meliorn is just watching them curiously the whole time because of course they know snow but they dont really know about Snow Activities these funky little non-seelies dedicate themselves too. i feel like the seelies have their own snow activities, maybe like, festivals? dances with the snowfall and games to welcome the change in the environment, that sort of thing. but they are nothing like snow angels ("it doesn't look like an angel in the slightest, just like you kept moving your legs and arms in the snow" "thats what it is" "right, so...?") or snowmen ("also doesn't look like a man" "meliorn we aren't exactly artists") or snow fights (altho that one they can appreciate) and they're really interested in like participating even though they dont understand and everyone has to keep telling them that it's Not That Deep and izzy is so amused she just kisses them one billion times

eventually they start doing it just to get more of those laugh-filled kisses of hers

also at least one of them, probably izzy of rapha or meliorn since they are the snow ignorant ones of the group, is absolutely horrible at making snowmen. probably izzy tbh because shadowhunters dont exactly have a knack for these things. like clary's snowman is all artistic and simon's is fun and creative, maia's is pretty, raphael's and meliorn's look like the Platonic Ideal Of A Snowman, and izzy's looks like A Pile Of Dirt. clary giggles at it for an embarrassing amount of time, which inevitably leads to izzy taking the snow from her snowman to throw snowballs at clary and triggering a new snowfight

and then they have some soup inside and cuddle under a blanket as they fight over what they should watch and all is well with the world

[siren-virus]

ok, It's been a long while since I've sent an ask, and though that can be atributed to life being life, that can only go so far and these previeous 3 days I've been lazing around mostly XD So, in order to compensate, here's the asks for Free and SWUP that have entered my brain and I haven't filtered out yet that I'll send you. Answer as you see fit for I might send repeated questions or some that have already been aswered before in another form.

For SWUP, would SWUP (Does she have another name? I can't remember) ever try a work somewhere? She has to get money somehow if she wants to be able to buy food, clothes, a home, and pay for all the medical expences she might have to go through. What other friends would she have other than wine aunt and coffee barista? I remember you said there might be a third one who's not really relevant, but whos father is, and you were still unsure on wether to include them or not. Also, the humans in this Earth, how much do they know about aliens? The Unicorns and Dragons? I imagine that considering the amount of damage they can do when they fight, and considering that apparently their experiments on abducted humans that they leave on Earth for like a month before taking them forever, would make them fairly known, and have something like a world agency looking out for different cases or something, however succesful they actually are.

Now onto Free, Is there any chance that we could get to know of any of the friends that the rag-tag group would make along the way of the travels? Like, there HAS to be someone who they befriend without any shennanigans involved at the very least, or with minimal ammount of them, just as there HAS to be a friend made after a disaster of cataclismic proportions happens that inebitably onvolves the found family. Also, how long was Leo outside on his own before bird friend (forgot his name) found him and started to get them back to the Domes? Considering that they have a long adventure, I imagine that he spent at least a month outside without an idea of any direction he was going, and getting lost along the way because of course he gets lost, before he was found. Would the team find anyone else who was part of the Domes but left of their own volition too? Another traveler similar to Leo, but that doesn't want to return to those places for X or Y reason? Would there be anyone from the Domes that they meet that DIDN'T want to leave the Domes in the first place but got out regardless? This could be for whatever reason, from kidnapping to exhile to attack to the Dome to simply escaping from a bad situation.

oop sorry for taking a bit to get back to you,

youre questions make me realise how under developed my stories are wheeezee so i rlly appreciate your questions!!

SWUP aka Vicky her human alias. or I guess the unicorn is the alias. AH SHIT I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT!! Originally when i made SWUP she was supposed to be in high school. But as i grow I also like my characters to grow with me. Maybe I'll get her a job as one of them gym buddies (it has to be a job that allows for some form of freedom, enough to like be able to do th vigialnte thing- (i forget the name) Medical expenses aren't too bad, I'm basing it off aus medical- which means medicare! Plus she doesn't need the hospital all that often, she can regenerate.

In terms of friends she doesn't have many not because she socially inept (like myself)- she was very popular in highschool, but there isn't many people she can relate to. Her best friend James (pending name) comic book nerd that loves super heroes is all she's got. And some gym bros, but they're just friends at the gym, outside complete strangers. I really do want James to be relevant to the plot and not his dad and daddy issues, but he's a bit hard to squeeze in. Maybe if I sat down to actually do some writing, maybe--- ALAS I am but a creature of laziness, and poor attention span. (im barely focusing on Flee atm and I rlly wanna try developing GECKO again fml)

Humans know little to nothing about aliens (excpet for like the government and so wackos who a really into scifi) So even though SWUP is doing her best to help ppl, she's seen as a horrifying villain that is stage one to an alien invasion. (the scifi wackos play a part in that.) Although most Police officers appreciate the help... most.

Suprisingly no, most humans who were mutated into unicorns almost seem to disappear, SWUP is an exception. Why is that hmmmmmmmm? this is kind of a big moment, if I ever plan to push this idea to the webcomic/animation stage, youll see.

There's not really an official .org agency or anything like that, but some wackos who love space, and an actual scientist or 2. So far they have deducted that unicorns are evil space creatures who prey on humans and consume their flesh to get stronger so they can lay eggs and take over the world. There's not a lot of truth to that. Some parts tho... but which part? At the moment I'm really into mystery- so maybe I'll add some mystery elements, or I'll give it to GECKO. first i gotta redesign Mac, poor lad is not a looker I'l tell you that.

FLEE I barely know their friends either- haven't gone about developing them. HOWEVER. I do have a villain in mind. I remember making him for my illustration class back in uni (sigh uni days...) I dom't have a name, but I have a face. He's a big leader of this village known for killing the hybrid/mutants. He and his crew, a rag-tag gun loving, truck driving, share-a-brain-cell, lot. How they've managed to become successful hunter bunch is unknown.

But one the friends I have developed enough is Bolt, who also comes with their own shennanigans and an old rusty bus. Techincally they don't need it because they're fast as fuck, but it helps to have around incase you get a goliath sand bobbit on your hands.

Tristian is the human, Leo is the bird friend. Actually Trisitian was out on his own for three days, he didn't cover much ground when he finally met Leo either- dumbass didn't bring enough food and water to last. He didn't even have a plan, just wanted to go out. The only reason Leo didn't send his ass running home was because something- or someone- pushed them far. far away. Oh my who could it be?

Tristians kind of a rarity, not many people leave the domes unless it's through underground passageways to other domes. Most people are blissfully unaware of the outside world. Not to say Tristians the only one who escaped, but he's the only one who's survived outside for so long. (dome people don't have any survival skills) The only reason Tristians gotten so far is dumb lucks and a hot headed bird friend.

[novamir]

understanding the inner mechanisms of kiraboss (bare with me on this one folks)

now i know you’re thinking what in the actual fuck are you on about NOW? but listen what the fuck is this shit about bro? which is why ive decided i will find out so YOU dont have to! you better thank me! keep in mind i dont ship this shit and i never will :pog: for me. stay tuned for the end on my kira diavolo friendship theory

MAC PRE-KIRABOSS ENLIGHTENMENT

WHAT I KNOW BEFORE MY INVESTIGATION: i have seen part 4 and 5. i have read dead mans questions. in dead mans questions kiras basically a ghost hitman who doesn’t remember his past life. we know diavolo is in an infinite death loop or whatever.

MY INITIAL THOUGHTS: kiras killed diavolo before because, well, hitman and infinite death loop. ok. wheres the appeal. can you just say you’ll ship anything that moves and quit wasting my damn time

WHY. JUST FUCKING WHY: did you know that on ao3 (i know.), if you go into the official kira tag that the top relationship is kiraboss?

(out of 838 works at the time im writing this. in the diavolo tag, it ranks 5th)

OKAY, I’LL BITE. WHAT’S THE APPEAL: i dont know! i really dont. people are just weird and have to ship anything <3 a road that should be taken is that kira actively seeks out diavolo to kill everytime and hes like why are you so hell bent on killing me each fucking time you fucking freak and kiras like cant help being a gemini! [stabs diavolo] anyway,

WHAT I’M ABOUT TO PUT MYSELF THROUGH: not only am i going to go into the evil kiraboss tag, but im going to read some of these ao3 fics to see whats up. i’ll give a general consensus of what i’ve learned so you and a loved one can also be informed about the wonders (ACK) of kiraboss.

MAC POST-KIRABOSS ENLIGHTENMENT

ok well guess what. my deep dive gave me nothing but one conclusion and thats everyone is just horny and will ship ANYTHING. you all fucking suck.

WELL, WHAT WAS KIRABOSS TUMBLR LIKE: more palatable than ao3. but still. horny. theres quite a few posts where people dont ship it but ship killer queen and king crimson, which. i am no fan of. 

WHY? THEY’RE STANDS: i tote around killer queen/the world like its my child. thats the stand ship. king crimson is like a brother to ms queen. read all about kq/tw here.

TUMBLR CONCLUSION: there are some funny posts. i like funny things and can appreciate it. however. it doesnt help me figure out the weirdness of all this. and im sorry but this is some weird ass shit. i saw one kira/doppio and i think i should be able to sue for emotional damages. whatever i got nothing from this stupid site. lets move on

OKAY, AO3 WON’T BE ANY BETTER, WILL IT: it sure fucking wont. ao3 is a cesspool of disgusting ass shit. we have 111 kiraboss fics, 61 in english. ok. we can do this, right?

WRONG: as i sorted everything, the most recent fic was a horny one. im not reading your p0rn shit wackos

SORT IT BY KUDOS, THEN: well the top rated fic in the kiraboss tag is ALSO horny. scrolling is just p0rn. ive found valentine/kira/diavolo as well. maybe we shouldnt do that

WELL. SHIT: i found ONE that was decent and it made sense. like, kind of. im using it so loosely. im grasping at straws. and i didnt even read it all the way. i skimmed it. whatever.

MAC’S CONCLUSION

fujoshis. thats it. listen listen listen. ive thought about this. not romantically. thats stupid and unrealistic. however let me open your third eye. i was talking about it earlier.

TWO DEAD MEN AND AN INFINITE DEATH LOOP: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

kira’s a ghost. hes employed by a monk. its hard for him to enter places due to ghost rules. ok. one day kiras on the clock about to kill someone when he spots a man drowning in a local pool. no one is around. there is no ladder. he cant get out. sims physics. hes standing there like wooooow. woooow this is kind of funny and diavolo can see kira because my rules and hes like BITCHES HELP and kiras like huh he isnt talking to me he cant see me and of course hes thinking out loud and diavolos like I SEE YOU BITCH

and then he drowns and kiras like well that was interesting but i really cant be bothered. hes dead anyway lol whose he gonna tell. and goes back to work

in truth he forgets completely about this weird drowning now dead man until his monk employer is like go kill this guy you just have to he wasnt in the agenda but boss man says hes gotta go. thanks. and then he shows up to a park where diavolos like FINALLY I CAN FUCKING LIVE and kiras like oh shit what the fuck i thought you died and diavolos like HEY WHAT THE FUCK you let me DIE? and kiras like uh yea and now you’re alive? okay whatever im killing you now and before he can say anything else hes dead again. kira goes back to his boss and  is like yeah this is weird and shes like yeah i dont really care </3 

anyway they have many more run ins spaced out over years and years and one day diavolo really truly does have an upper hand over kira and gets away, and just as he pauses in his running away, a piano falls on him like a cartoon. cue laugh track

the next time kiras sent to kill him, kiras like hey could you explain why you keep dying like whats up with that and diavolo explains it reluctantly and it takes like 5 times to get the story out because outside factors keep killing him in comically hilarious ways and hes like damn that actually sucks :/ i dont remember anything about my life and diavolos like wow you really made it about you i fucking hate you i hope you die and then kira kills him. yawn. anyway. hes searched his own name up before and all thats there is a freak accident where he get squashed by an ambulance, so next time he tells diavolo that and hes like yeah no im willing to bet theres something more to that. can you please just kill me i dont want to talk to you right now.

anyway that makes kira think. he goes down a spiral and remembers diavolo saying something about egyptian arrows and mentioning stands so it takes him a while but he stumbles upon a weird internet thread talking about consiperies and some guy named dio and i like to think theres like a list of people who were given arrows and boom he sees his dads name like hmm i recognize that from my obituary... so when he sees diavolo again hes like i think my dad had an arrow? and i feel like i had a stand?

diavolo really doesnt care. he just nods and waits for death.

kira takes a while and manages to piece it together-- based on the fact hes a hitman in the afterlife, that has to reflect something about him while he was alive, yeah? there were a series of murders in morioh ending around the time of his death.

diavolo is killed by mugging, and kira continues to talk long after diavolo is dead.

kira lurks around morioh listening in, and i like to think that josuke and co. would eventually name drop kira  and he would hear it by fate and you know those cheesy movies where everyone's memories come back to them at once by some small event? yeah thats it.

diavolo gets murdered the fuck out of next time kira sees him and diavolos like well! good for him i fucking guess

diavolo does listen to kiras fucked up backstory and is like wow okay youre just as fucked up as me which i probably couldve guessed but hey. 

in a fucked up way kira and diavolo are kind of friends whatever. anyway keep in mind this happens over years and one day giorno and co. show up to morioh and kiras like holy shit what is this about

and then he meets up with josuke and kiras like HOLY SHIT NO FUCKING WAY

diavolos like well fucking kill GIORNO!!! RELEASE ME FROM THIS INFINITE PRISION and kiras like absolutely fucking not

at the end of they day they hate each other but have to be friends but if they are no they aren’t. yes they are ❤️ not yes❤️

anyway that’s my theory. bye I spent way too long on this fuck kiraboss but kira killing diavolo sometimes in the loop is funny oh yeah it would be funny if:

yea that’s it ok bye bye now

[bangcakes]

.

[drangues]

I’m sleeping, don’t worry- I’m just a naturally tired person, I guess? And I respond as I’m about to go to sleep, because I’d feel bad leaving it until the next morning. Anyways, for some reason Atsushi with a vending machine,,, Cute,, I feel like he’d just be very- Maybe not amazed, but happy? At food being readily available for such little money (I feel like he’d especially like the hot item vending machines that I’ve heard about, haha). (Nyanon, 1/5)

Kenji and Kyouka would hold hands, you’re right and you should say it. They like swinging their arms together as they walk. Moving on from vending machines- Listen, Chuuya and Dazai are both chaotic bastards and they will absolutely fist fight each other when given the opportunity. This is only exacerbated by children having Awful Impulse Control. I love it (also, Chuuya no, talking about that in line where strangers can hear will give them Bad Ideas about that scenario). And! (Nyanon, 2/5)

Of course I like your art!!! The colors are always chosen very well, your styling is very,, smooth? Is that the word I’m looking for? Either way, it’s very nice to look at! And the way you draw eyes is amazing, I’m a sucker for well drawn eyes, as weird as that sounds. Anyways, I’m glad we agree that Fukuzawa makes a nice “queen” who just wants to be able to pet cute cats... Someone bring him one from the normal world!!! Let him spoil a kitty,, (Nyanon, 3/5)

Let him take all the pictures he desires, the man deserves it. And I’m just,,, I know using “overused” tropes is okay but I am: An Anxiety. At all times, I’m nervous about some non existent rule. It’s stupid but them’s the breaks, I guess. Anyways, YEAH I could see the kids surviving somehow... Actually, maybe that’s how Oda adopts him? Atsushi runs away from the orphanage, and comes across some guys kidnapping? A bunch??? Of kids? After he‘s been on the streets. (Nyanon, 4/5)

And since he wants to be a Good Person, he intervenes, panics, and squirrels the kids away at wherever he’s hiding. Cue family shenanigans once Oda finds them all. Moving on to a Scenario Concept, however: Somehow, someway, every person working with the ADA has taken to writing fanfiction, or drawing art. The kicker is that they’re all fans of each other’s works, and they somehow? Never??? Noticed??? Who their favorite artists/writers/analysts were. At most, Ranpo figures it out. (Nyanon, 5/5)

ohhh a naturally tired person!! im the same, yet im also energetic, it doesnt make sense but ill be yelling in your ear and then the next second sleep in class. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA KENJI WOULD DEFINITELY SWING HIS ARM AND KYOUKA WOULD DO THAT CALM SHY SMILE AS HES SMILING REALLY WIDE PLS HES REALLY HER SUNFLOWER BOY<333 

y-you think my colours are chosen W E L L ??? *slaps knee and wheezes, turns around and cries* ive been struggling s o hard with colour theory and just hating how it LOOKS and it never looking “right” so that comment made me HAPPY and uwuwuwu i love drawing eyes, tho it can be a pain in the ass . especially when i try to get it in bsd’s anime style

well i can reassure you as many times as you want uwu no worries, your anxiety is not a burden to anybody but yourself (since it tells you wacko stuff smh) but ooo!!! maybe atsushi saves the kiddos from the bomb and oda finds them and is like “thank god youre safe” and out of the corner of his eyes he sees a kid whos older, around dazais age whos just standing awkwardly with ragged clothes “who are you?” he asks, and the boy answers “atsushi” and oda wonders where his parents are so he asks that and thats when he learns atsushi is Indeed an orphan

which is why odas like “get in loser we’re going to get you a nice family” and atsushis like O-Okay . either way, after the near death experience of his K I D S oda is like fUCK this life im out so he yeets out, not without telling dazai tho (which is what makes dazai leave maybe??? i dont kNOW)

AFGHJEKESHJDKZ THEM WRITING FANFIC AND DRAWING FANART OF EACH OTHERS WORKS IS SEENDDINGG MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[elle-eedee]

dcom daddies: ranked

whats up sluts i’m here to give you the content you did NOT know you needed: a foolproof algorithmic ranking of a mild selection of disney channel dads!

beast (descendants)

hotness scale: extremely tall (over a foot taller than me! this is Very Important to the scale) and he seems to be a mere thread’s width away from Unhinged at all times, which i love. i also think it’s very sexy of him to still have such a monstrous way about himself (what with the roaring and the growling) 20something years post-curse.... makes me wonder very vividly if such energies carry to the b*droom........ *clears throat* 10/10

quality of character scale: it eternally amuses me that beast seems to learn almost Nothing over the course of this trilogy. he’s literally pro-isle the ENTIRE time jsjdndjdjd..... not great considering it puts him directly at odds with his son (and, like, with social progress) but he Does seem to act the way he does with the kingdom’s safety in mind! plus when he’s not accidentally supporting magical fascism he’s super dorky. i love his goofy dance moves 7.5/10

total score: 17.5/20...... with this score alone you can tell this system isnt rigged bc if i had it my way he’d be winning

hades (descendants)

hotness scale: i hate his party city clown wig but i’m a total sucker for guys in makeup (EVEN THOUGH A DECENT SHADE OF LIPSTICK WOULD HAVE BROUGHT HIS ENSEMBLE TOGETHER. WHY DID THEY PROPOSE IT ON THE CHARACTER DESIGN WALL IF THEY WERENT GONNA FOLLOW THROUGH!!!) and i think the fact that hes Very Sleepy and doesnt own a dog makes him my dream guy 9.5/10

quality of character scale: he literally sings a song about how cool he thinks it is that he’s a shitty dad............ but he DOES come through when his kid needs him, so that’s nice i guess. i would have liked to see more of him but i’ll settle for reading and writing intricate fan works that delve into a hypothetical personality for him that’s mainly conjecture 7.25/10

total score: 16.75/20 i wanna see him in some preppy auradon clothes

jafar (descendants)

hotness scale: i wish i had nicer things to say about this man. he just....... bears so little resemblance to the original jafar it makes me :( maybe if he was more gangly, or if he carried himself w the same potent gay energy that og jafar has? itd also help it he wasnt a racist caricature. 4.5/10

quality of character scale: again, very much a racist caricature. jafar doesnt steal!!! why would This be what he chose to do with himself! but he does seem to be, perhaps, the least bad of the core four’s parents, which counts for something i suppose. 3/10

total score: 7.5/20 sorry bud

dr facilier (descendants)

hotness scale: listen. it’s dr facilier. what am i supposed to do, NOT give him a perfect score on the sexy scale? 10/10

quality of character scale: he just loves his daughter and wants to make sure she’s getting what’s hers!!!!! his dynamic with celia makes me really happy they seem so fun! though i guess you could argue it sucks that he’d send his darling babey dohter to do errands for big mean scary hades considering that Everyone on the isle seems to quake at the sight of him. but im sure facilier only does that to ensure that celia can hold her own! 8/10

total score: 18/20 and it’d probably be higher if we’d seen more of him

mr smee (descendants)

hotness scale: not only does this man fuck, judging by the ages of his kids he fucked RECENTLY. get it baby live your truth 7/10

quality of character scale: he seems to be SO kind and sweet to his baby sons..... holding their little hands and such!!! and judging by how nervous the kids are i’d imagine it was primarily smee’s idea for them to go to auradon. extremely noble sacrifice for their benefit even though he’ll miss them 10/10!!!!!

total score: 17/20 i want to kiss his hand, if he’ll have me

zevon necrodopolous (zombies)

hotness scale: every time i look at this man i think of this post. he’s the perfect amount of frumpy for my tastes and his voice is so unique!!!!! i’d let his z-band malfunction so he could *** ** ***** * ******* **** 9/10

quality of character scale: really really cares about his kids and wants them to be safe!! he raises his voice once which im not a huge fan of but i suppose it was justified given the circumstances. also that shot of him goofing about with d*le in the end scene shows remarkable capacity for forgiveness after decades of trauma and discrimination! what a guy. 9/10

total score: 18/20 an absolute dilf!!!!!

dale (zombies)

hotness scale: looks like an uncrustable. 0/10

quality of character scale: a fucking cop. die bitch! 0/10

total score: 0/20 get in since you wanna act clown

coach jack bolton (high school musical)

hotness scale: honestly pretty young for my tastes. and i literally Always swipe left on athletes, so..... fine looking, but not for me. 5/10

quality of character scale: obviously he grows as the series progresses but i feel like jack is Always in the way of troy getting what he wants, which sucks. i like that he’s kinda goofy on his off hours with his family exactly as much as i Hate how much he yells when hes on the job. i do wish we lived in the timeline where he and miss darbus actually had that duet about their disagreements, though. 5/10

total score: 10/20 truly an Average dcom daddy

vance evans (high school musical)

hotness scale: due to personal reasons i will be having bad taste. however, this man’s fashion sense in IMPECCABLE. i mean, the colors??? the unbuttoned collar???? come on now. there is also the gratuitous use of the d-word to consider......................... anyways 7.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s hard to tell how much of his interest in furthering troy’s career is out of sincerity and how much of it is sharpay nudging him. but either way the result is a man who supports his daughter unconditionally! he could be nicer to ryan, though (plus he’s an evil capitalist) 6/10

total score: 13.5/20 i feel like he and fulton have had Relations

mr gifford (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: listen, i’m a simple guy. i see a basic-looking man pursuing age gap romance in the midst of a mid-life crisis, i support him unconditionally. also i am just Really vibing with that oversized denim shirt on him!!! there’s an egregious amount of arm hair poking out that just works. good for him! and this is a small moment but i’m very flustered over his natural Touchy Feely instinct after wen pokes out his eye... however: man has no eyebrows. 8.5/10

quality of character scale: i’m not a child of divorce so i don’t know how this stuff works, but i feel like he springs a lot of major decisions on wen? not ideal. on the other hand, we DO stan that he has sydney move in before they’re married. this is not a christian home!!!! 6/10

total score: 14.5/20 probably my favorite lemonade mouth dad, but mostly because he’s like the only one paid any attention by the narrative

mr banjaree (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: men really have beautifully sculpted noses and we just let them, huh. i’m definitely overusing the word Handsome in this list, but in this case? i’m justified. mr banjaree’s beard suits him SO well and his hair looks so soft...... and we love the implicit cleanliness of a man who wears socks in the house! 8/10

quality of character scale: i super SUPER dont agree with this man’s Smothering-Adjacent Methods (and also i know firsthand that strict parentage just drives kids to be more rebellious, lmao) but all things considered he really just wants the best for his family PLUS he’s willing to meet mo halfway at the end! :’) 6/10

total score: 14/20 the way i feel about him is the way i feel when i get crushes on pastors in that You Are Complicit In My Trauma But We’re Gonna Kiss About It way

mr delgado (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: OOOOH GLASSES! 5/10

quality of character scale: it’s sort of implied that the Wacko Energies of charlie’s family are mostly the fault of his mom so it’s cool of this man to distance himself from that. he is, of course, still complicit in Whatever The Hell Her Deal Is unless he is constantly fighting with her offscreen 6/10

total score: 11/20 would have loved to see more of him

mr yamada (lemonade mouth)

hotness scale: another chapter in the saga of unbuttoned collars! doesn’t get a lot of opportunities to show off his strengths but i appreciate that he is not the thinnest dad in town 6.5/10

quality of character scale: WOW fuck this guy. very dismissive of stella’s aspirations!!!!! i don’t like that he feels the need to talk Over her to her mom when he’s asking about her vegetarianism. dude she is right there.... however it’s a lil touching when he holds her guitar up at the end, so... 4/10?

total score: 10.5/20 *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thinks about his slightly protruding tummy in his last scene* *thi

bob duncan (good luck charlie: it’s christmas!)

hotness scale: in keeping this Specific to the feature-length xmas special, i will say that bob duncan is QUITE handsome! disappointed that he was wearing a shirt in the scene at the pool.... ill bet if this movie came out post-workout/makeover he’d have been shirtless >:/ i feel robbed... spare tummy, sir? spare tummy? additionally i love a man who rolls up his sleeves AND a man who stans kaiju movies!! also i love that he, quite literally, canonically fucks 8.5/10

quality of character scale: he’s about as charmingly incompetent as he is in the show, but the difference here is that he literally did not do a damn thing wrong! all he wanted to do was be civil with his inlaws and he frankly deserves MUCH better. its clear from his banter with the kids that he loves them very much (also i love how frequently he feels the need to jump/dive for things in this movie. silly slapstick icon) 8.75/10

total score: 17.25/20 this man’s mere presence oozes nostalgia

jerry russo (wizards of waverly place: the movie)

hotness scale: this man was MADE for me. the bottomless collection of hawaiian shirts....... the TWO tummy out scenes..........the fucked up evil thing his voice does when the kids try to steal the spellbook!!! he really has it all. also i love that he is truly just trying to have some beach intercourse 9/10

quality of character scale: i love that even when he doesn’t remember the kids he still maintains a little dadly rapport with them? the instincts...... it’s also incredibly good of him to relive his decision to give up his magic without hesitation once he realizes the severity of the situation :’0 10/10

total score: 19/20 i’ve never seen an episode of the show but im really about to start

neil morris (dadnapped)

hotness scale: handsome....... mr morris makes me feel simultaneously like a sapiosexual AND a morosexual because although he completed enough schooling to become a dentist, he also threw it away for a writing career like an absolute champ. also i find it unbelievably charming how Along For The Ride he is about the idea of being kidnapped. a man after my own heart 8.25/10

quality of character scale: this is a tricky one...... neil DOES show active concern for his daughter’s safety when push comes to shove, but he also has my least favorite type of redemption arc: “you THOUGHT i was neglecting you, but actually i was thinking about you the whole time and just never expressed it! we good?” so like. bleh. but he’s pretty mild mannered which i deeply appreciate in a man! 6.5/10

total score: 14.75/20 maybe talk to your daughter instead of writing a macgyver ripoff, dumbass

major joe mason (princess protection program)

hotness scale: prime dad bod, very believable for his line of work. also he has such a Gentle Way about himself when he’s around princesses....... i love all the hand holding when he’s escorting rosie. absolutely my type 8.75/10

quality of character scale: gosh.... where do i even BEGIN!!! his whole dynamic with carter is so ideal... i was apprehensive at first because his job would require him to be Absent a lot of the time, but upon reflection it’s clear that he’s raised carter well enough that he can totally trust her to be on her own, and also she’s only sad to see him go because she sincerely enjoys his company. everything about his profession is so noble and i love the way he can carry himself as casually or as politely as a given situation calls for. worst thing he does is say “i might have to stop calling you ‘pal’” because his daughter is wearing a pretty dress. i wish he was my dad but i’ll settle for him being my husband 9.75/10

total score: 18.5/20 i almost made a ppp self insert this morning specifically for Him

ted thompson (zapped)

hotness scale: athletes arent sexy!! this guy’s face screams The Only Websites I Know How To Use Are Facebook And Reddit and also he’s a dog person BUT he is sporting quite the tumbey if i do say so myself and for that i shall let him live. 4/10

quality of character scale: ok i know the whole point of this movie is Boys Bad but i hate men who are loud and i hate dads who get Weird about the inherent femininity of their daughters. when he calls zoey “sport” and then cringes like he’s made a mistake? dumb and unnecessary. HOWEVER all of his efforts to bond with zoey are really really sincere. like when he fixes her music box? that has NOTHING to do with the app he just Does It!!!! the movey mightve rubbed off on me a little too much but there are multiple ways to show love and just bc im not used to his way doesnt mean it has no worth! 6/10

total score: 10/20 mr thompson sir im sorry i doubted you at the start of the film

rob adams (radio rebel)

hotness scale: this man dresses 5-10 years younger than he looks and i respect that for him. but i was expecting him to be a bit more of a slimeball considering how tara talks about him in the opening scene... and you guys know how much i love slimeballs. regardless, pretty handsome! 6.5/10

quality of character scale: it’s nice that he goes to such a Public and Corporate effort to connect to his stepdaughter! even if it’s in a way that financially benefits him, it’s pretty clear that he cares about this family and wants to do right by them. nothing exceptional, though 7/10

total score: 13.5/20 i GUESS i’d be down to smash if he asked

ralph bartlett (read it and weep)

hotness scale: ok i was gonna say something mean about the fact that he’s balding but honestly he has really nice arms........ in addition he’s really quirky and optimistic which i am going to admire into my grave!! when he gets excited about having customers during the finale his voice quirks with an almost charlie day-esque charm. handsome. ALSO he calls jamie “princess” which is!!!!!!! something 7.5/10

quality of character scale: the way ralph parents his kids is Very 2000s in that he kinda babies his daughter but gets to pal around with his son, but i guess both dynamics come from a place of love and he could be doing much worse. plus he’s an honest hardworking small business owner! i support him 7/10

total score: 14.5/20 i would definitely go out for pizza with him

dr james hartley (how to build a better boy)

hotness scale: THIS. THIS IS WHAT DCOM DADDIES ARE ALL ABOUT. gosh..... this is truly the Most dad ive ever seen in my life. i love how his hair is always mussed..... how he’s so Desperate to relax that he falls asleep after Fifteen Seconds of smooth jazz..... and also. like. hes a scientist?? hello??? pretty sexy of him. i want to give this man the relaxation he deserves 10/10

quality of character scale: ok so,,,...,, kinda fucked up that he lied to his whole family (with the possible exception of his wife—sidenote, WHY did they make dr hartley married? his wife never comes up except when bart says she’s out of town. let him be single so i can slide into those dms) and EXTRA kinda fucked up that he works for the government? what a scab. BUT it’s very very clear that he cares about his kids (and gabby) and prioritizes their safety above all else! also, did you SEE how happy he was when mae won homecoming queen....... he loves her so so so much! :’0 8.5/10

total score: 18.5/20 i thirst tweeted about this man and roger bart replied ‘Aw, thanks!’ so i dont know where to go from here

[missantichrist]

A lot of you don’t know this, but I moved back to Portland, OR a week ago. Since then I’ve been living with my family while I’ve been getting situated, like getting all my stuff over here and finding an apartment. I genuinely have never met someone as fucking wacko as my mother. She’s literally so crazy. I’m trying to get out of here as soon as fucking possible. My dad is just high all the time so I pretty much disregard him. But my mother. WHACK. She purposely picks fights and re-kindles arguments until they blow up and get way out of proportion because she doesn’t understand the concept of leaving someone alone for a few minutes to calm down. I told her I couldn’t give my sister a ride home from school on the first day of school (she’s a hs sophomore) because I have work and she has the AUDACITY to tell me to change my plans. Bitch, it’s work??? I can’t suddenly not go to work to pick up my sister. Maybe if you learned to drive - because you’ve had COUNTLESS opportunities to learn, you wouldn’t have to ask me to do these things. I was gone for a year mom. How the fuck did you survive then. Christ she’s so insane. She literally started screaming at me and calling me names and physically abusing me over the fact that I couldn’t just leave work. Now she’s in the bathroom screaming at my dad about how pathetic I am and literally jumping up and down throwing a tantrum like a 2 year old. I’m in my old room just continuing to write and ignore her but she makes my stress levels go through the roof and makes me want to start doing drugs again. I swear to God if I don’t get the fuck out of here soon. Anyone know of any good, cheap apartments in Portland? I do not need a lot of space but having something semi-central would be nice because parking downtown is hell. Or if anyone was willing to let me crash with them for a short period of time. I just need to get the fuck out of here. I’ve been back for a week and I’m already in hell.

also if ya’ll could signal boost this so i can get more help finding an apartment or a place to crash that’d be lit bc im not in a good situation rn like this was not detailled at all it gets wayyyyy worse than this

[dcusrclicta]

Character Bios

Parenthesis means they have a Harry Potter AU verse 

Name: Severus Tobias Snape Year: Cute. House: Slytherin Blood Status: Befouler Antichrist Eye colour: Cobalt nowadays Age: Old enough to say no. Birthdate: 1/9 Height: 6′7 Patronus: Horned Viper Description: I still hate my job. I still hate people. I’m just immortal now. Please leave my office & don’t touch anything on your way out.

Name: Brittnay Matthews Year: College Junior (House: Slytherin) Blood Status: Human (Pureblood) Eye colour: Blue Age: 21 Birthdate:  6/15 Height: 5′5 (Patronus: Pitbull) Description: Cross me & I’ll hurt you. Otherwise I’m Brittnay Matthews you’re new best friend. People think I’m arrogant but in reality they’re angry I’m better than them. I used to go to Overland Park high school. I’m glad I don’t anymore.

Name: Rhaegar Daeron Targaryen (Year: Graduated/Verse Dependant) (House: Slytherin) Blood Status: ??? Eye colour: Violet Age: 34 Nameday: All I remember was being born in the high summer Height: 7’1 (Patronus: Hungarian Horntail) Description: I’m believed to be dead. Walking about when one is believed to be dead is actually quite boring no matter how much it may benefit the Realm. I do admit I made. Many mistakes however in my defence not all prophecies are interpreted in a straight forward manner. I did better than any of you would have in the situation so save your criticism for until you watch a man identical to you get his chest caved in by a war hammer.

Name: Lilith “Lily” Sophie Evans Year: Graduated/Verse Dependant House: Slytherin Blood Status: Demon/Witch Eye colour: Green/Blue/ Sometimes they go crimson. Age: Doesn’t matter. I won’t die. Birthdate: 1/30 Height: 5’3 Patronus: Bold of you to assume I have one  Description: My sister was right. I’m a freak. Even my parents saw something... Wrong in me when I was younger. They tried to pretend I was fine. ”Just a few odd occurrences here & there.” Until an older boy who couldn’t keep his hands to himself suddenly found that a hand could very easily be turned inside out. In the long run it was a good result. They found quite a bit of child pornography in his little hovel of a bedroom. My parents knew I did it but couldn’t quite figure out how until the Hogwarts letter came. They were both horrified & relieved. But to make a long story short. Once I met Severus Snape & we put our interest in the Dark Arts together... I got WORSE. & it felt good. I became addicted to the draw of dark magic, occult magic in particular & now Tom Riddle wants me to tell him what I said to Lucifer to get this new body. I might tell him if he begs in the right tone.

Name: Brahms Hillshire Blood Status: Half-demon Eye colour: Green Age: 16 Birthdate: Don’t care Height: 5′11 Description: I’m a child serial killer. I want to play around in your innards. & blood. I want to play around in your blood too.

Name: “Andrew” Antisepticeye McLoughlin Blood Status: Computer Virus Entity/Demon Eye colour: Lime Green Age: 29 (Existing for 3) Birthdate: 10/10 Height: N/A Description: It’s better if ya dun run. It’ll just drag et out. Plus sometimes ya lot chip my knife on one of yer stupid bones. & I dun really li’e runnin much ta be honest.

Name: Chase Brody Blood Status: Human Eye colour: Blue Age: 29 Birthdate: 4/11 Height: 5′10 Description: Hey bros! I’m Chase! Uh, some of ya already know tha! Anti brought me here! He said it’d be fun an’ I trus’ ‘im! I swear ‘e’s actually always been kinda nice ta me! Besides the ‘ole threatenin’ the kids thin’ but we’re frien’s now! He says he’ll teach me how ta shoot a real gun someday!

Name: Brian Griffin Blood Status: Dog(?) Eye colour: Green Age: ??? Birthdate: ??? Height: 6′4 Description: I used to be an alcoholic dog. Now I’m an alcoholic. Not much to say after something like that happens. I’m really confused to be frank. Maybe now I can actually get someone to take me seriously & publish my book.

Name: Carlos De Vil (Year: Sixth) (House: Slytherin) Blood Status: Half-demon/ Sorcerer Eye colour: Blue Age: 16 Birthdate: 3/20 Height: 5′7 (Patronus: Red Fox) Description: Hi, I’m Carlos & life is pain, only valid things in this world are only science & Evie Grimhilde, bye. Gemini De Vil is my midget brother who I love. Devil De Vil is my crazy ass dad. My mom is dead, thanks for asking.

Name: Danny Flint Blood Status: Shade Eye colour: Grey Age: Old Nameday: ? Height: 5′4 Description: Being dead was less droll.  

Name: Eileen Tabitha Prince Snape Year: Graduated House: Slytherin Blood Status: Pureblood Poltergeist Eye colour: Black Age: Well. I died at 35 so let’s go with that Birthdate: 12/18 Height: 6’11  (Used to be 6'6 but I had this weird growth spurt two days before I died.) Patronus: Didn’t have one apparently

Description: … I really don’t have anything to say to you. I died, I decided I wanted to come back. Er. Awkwardly enough the old castle I was haunting is now inhabited by my son and his family. They’re all really bloody loud. No wonder the rest of the ghosts make so much noise back. And no. I have not introduced myself to any of them. I mean. Sometimes I talk to ‘em but I’ve never gotten an answer. Plus unlike most of the floating assholes here I’d much rather keep to myself, thank you.

Name: Griffin “Finn” Merterns Blood Status: Human(?) Eye colour: Blue Age: 19 Birthdate: 3/14 Height: 6′3 Description: Hey bros! I’m Finn, a radical kid that makes it his business to help people out and kickin’ monster tail! Mostly when I’m not doin’ that I’m chillin’ it up with my bro Jake in the tree house so as long as you’re not some wacko monster that wants to eat up my face you can swing by and we can fire up BMO or something.

Name: Henry Harry Jameson Hook (Year: Slytherin) (House: Seventh) Blood Status: Half-demon/Sorcerer Eye colour: Blue Age: 17 Birthdate: 10/23 Height: 6′2 (Patronus: Savannah cat) Description: All it takes is one wrong look & I’ll EVISCERATE ya... Taken by Uma daughter of Ursula. Ya want me? Ya have ta ask her permission & pray she likes ya & is in a SHARIN’ mood. Jamie Hook is me mum an’ she taugh’ me all I know about bein’ scary. Me da??? He’s a dumbass.

Name: Karl Vreski (Year: Graduated) (House: Slytherin) Blood Status: Human (Pureblood) Eye colour: Blue Age: 19 (Typically) Birthdate: 10/25 Height: 6′1 (Patronus: Jackal)

Description: I’m Karl. Lacrosse. Tacos. Boxing. American football. Whatever activity that involves either Hans Gruber or hitting something? I like it. Tony’s alright. Good brother at least. Not at all annoying like the normal younger sibling M.O. Far nicer than me. I’ll likely end up being a lawyer same as my father. Boring but Hans and I are already working at the damn firm so it’s an easy job. I’m sure Hans’ll come up with a more fun idea. He always does.

Name: Tony Vreski (House: Hufflepuff) (Year: Seventh) Blood Status: Poltergeist (Pureblood) Eye colour: Blue Age: 17 (Typically) Birthdate: 9/3 Height: 5′10 (Patronus: Rooster)

Description: I’m Tony… I uh. I play some football. Real football not American. I’m Karl’s younger brother and… To be honest Hans scares me a little bit even if we’re all like brothers… Uh more often than not I just go along with their crazy plans because. Well because my brother says it’ll be fun. And. It usually is. Even if some of it’s a little illegal.

Name: Loki Friggason (Year: Graduated) (House: Slytherin) Blood Status: God of Mischief & Chaos Eye colour: Green Age: Don’t be rude. Birthdate: Mind your business Height: 6′0 (Patronus: Corn snake) Description: I am Loki of Asgard. & I’m so fucking tired of all the gards.

Name: Beverly Marsh Blood Status: Human Eye colour: Green Age: 14 Birthdate: 8/26 Height: 5′3

Description: I’m Bev. Looked into that stupid clown’s deadlights & lived. I’ll be a loser to the end & I’m honestly real proud of that. Losers have no where to go but up, after all.

Name: Marceline Abadeer Blood Status: Vampire Demon Eye colour: Green Age: 1003, Approximately Birthdate: Unknown Height: 5′9 (Various) Description: Marceline the Vampire Queen, dude. Sure you’ve heard of me before so I wouldn’t be surprised to see you shaking in your boots right about now. Been traveling and terrorising the Land of Ooo for a while now though it’s nothing too irreversible. Mostly I’m just a radical dame that likes to play games as a very special someone once said about me.

Name: Nathan Clarke (Year: I died in seventh) (House: Slytherin) Blood Status: (Verse dependent) Poltergeist (Half-blood) Eye colour: Blue Age: 17 Birthdate: 8/13 Height: 6′2 (Patronus: Some squiggly thing I dunno) Description: Hi I’m Nathan & I wanna die... Haha gottem!

Name: Richmond Richie Wentworth Tozier Blood Status: Human Eye colour: Caribbean Green Age: 14 Birthdate: 8/10 Height: 5′10  Description: I’m only afraid of werewolves & girls with eyes that are hard to not get lost in.

Name: Robyn Black Robin Blood Status: Poltergeist Eye colour: Hazel Age: Hm Nameday: Some far off winter Height: 6′5 Description:  “The Gods above all knew his crimes The lord read off his lists The Gods above all knew his crimes The men's hands balled to fists His legs they kicked, they jerked, then slowed The crowd not once did cheer His legs they slowed, then finally stopped The crowd not once did jeer”

Name: Sadie O’Connell Blood Status: ??? Eye colour: Blue Age: 19 Birthdate: I don’t remember Height: 5′6 Description: I tried to kill myself over a boy who didn’t love me back. Someone brought me back & now here I am, I guess.

Name: Scorpio Felix Sepelio Tobias Exodus Snape Blood Status: Vampire Eye colour: One is jade one is cobalt and they swap sides frequently Age: 91 Died at 36 and it’s been a while. You do the math, mate. Birthdate: 11/10 Height: 5’3

Description: Surprise bitches. I bet you all thought I was dead…In a matter of speaking that’s still accurate. The greasy little snot did indeed best me when I was human. I respect that victory &even though I miss them.. My children don’t need me. I wasn’t good to them when they did. I doubt they’re aware I came back and I’ll keep it that way for all our sakes. There’s no point in asking me how exactly I returned to life. I don’t know and I don’t particularly care. Maybe Hell just can’t handle me yet.

Name: Thomas Marvolo Riddle Year: Graduated House: Slytherin Blood Status: Demon Fledging Eye colour: Blue Age: Rude. Birthdate: 12/31 Height: 6′4 Patronus: Hmmm, my little secret. Description: Join my cult. Satanism is actually very beneficial if you’re respectful. No. You don’t have to slit your wrist to join... Please. Stop slitting your wrists to join.

Name: King Aerys Targaryen Second of His Name King of the Andals & the First Men Lord of the Seven Kingdoms & Protector of the Realm (Year: Graduated) (House: Slytherin) Blood Status: Human Mine is the blood of Old Valyria (Pureblood) Eye colour: Violet Age: Hm. Nameday: High summer.  Height: 6′8 (Patronus: Gila Monster) Description: Burn them all.

Name: Ser Jaime Lannister (Year: Graduated) (House: Hufflepuff) Blood Status: Shade (Pureblood) Eye colour: Green Age: I’m dead. Sorry. Nameday: Does it matter? Height: 5′6 (Patronus: Munchkin Cat) Description: I stayed loyal to the Targaryens & they won. But I died when Robert Baratheon caved in Rhaegar’s chest... At least I got to watch him die for it.

Name: Daenerys Visenya Targaryen (Year: Fifth) (House: Slytherin) Blood Status: ??? (Pureblood) Eye colour: Violet Age: 15 Nameday: During a violent storm Height: 4′9 (Patronus: Blue-tongued Skink) Description: My family’s way is fire & blood... But my heart sings a softer song... & I don’t know which way is right.