#maybe ill just yap too
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How I look putting on Arthur Christmas again
#jane journals#vent#self insert talk#🎄 my christmas wish 🎄#its been ONE OF THEM DAYS#im exhausted and i need the comfort of my skinny boyfriend 💖💖💖#at the same time...i may be planning things#projects and art stuff to come > u <#well. right now im just laying in bed and decompressing but when i go downstairs i may draw smth#but i will DEFINITELY have a drink 😮💨😮💨😮💨#maybe ill just yap too#ive been having plenty of thoughts and i wanted to share some more stuff from the artbook
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DID YOU WATCH THE GENSHIN 5.0 LIVESTREAM? LORD, THEY ACTUALLY LISTENED!!
yall.......i stopped posting gnshn stuff a while ago, i dont bother watching their stupid livestreams aaahhhhh if i could i would kidnap my faves out there and take them somewhere safe smh
anw no i did not watch it bc i dont keep up with gnshn. im out of the loop so idk what youre talking abt
#i genuinely tried picking it up when i was bored and plagued w artblock but paimon that yapping annoying piece of shit actually ruins it#i step into this new endgame mode and she pops up and i immediately closed the game i jsut genuinely cant with her anymore#im so fucking tired of her#anw that and the childish stuff n writing n the “run to point a to listen to a pointless dialogue solely led by paimon then run to point b”#im so tired of this game fr i only care abt some characters like hthm and wanderer etc and some actual good questlines like jehts story#too mcuh of boring or annoying stuff ruining the entire experience#maybe ill give it a chance bc capitano is my favorite harbinger of all time but i guess i can only do that with voices turned off bc paimon#just gives me 0 to 100 aggression#reply#that was a rant oof
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people seemed to like the last design so here's another drawing. this time featuring a surprise guest. haha wow whos that guy...
no dialogue ver
#clemart#ttcc#toontown corporate clash#<- i removed the tooniness from their designs sorry guys#hardly counts again but i'll include the tags for the sake of documentation#prethinker#brian ttcc#mac opsys#ill get back to my normal toontown art soon enough#i just have to get a bit indulgent. just let me have this moment#ive kind of taken a liking to this . its fun. i might do more with this design later idk#his height is inconsistent in the 2 times i've drawn him full body#technically speaking i think if he stood on all of his legs (secondary arms included) he'd be shorter than his normal/cog design#but in terms of length i want to say hed be very tall like maybe half vp height just for fun. <- not a solid confirmation#or at least taller than the tallest manager.#^he also wouldnt be able to actually reach this height because if too many of his legs are off the floor he just falls over#however i think to adequately display that ive have to make him much longer. which as you can see here is NOT what i did#to make up for this imagine he can just remove and add some at will. ok. its not inconsistent its...on purpose. yes. on purpose.#we'll go with that#YAP SESSION.#BOOO BOOOO GGET THIS GUY OFF THE STAGE
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ok look neither of these are clean but i really like my design notes for my silly peter and bailey designs
#my art#peter parker#bailey briggs#not gonna tag a whole bunch cause theyre just sketches and notes#i have maskless refs too but theyre basically the same so i wont bother posting#maybe one day ill yap about my made-up lore/au for these two
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why do all my dads play guitar
#do i have a type???#[fakeman redacted]. ricky. lyle. is a pattern forming here?#theres probably more but im dumb#i dont know just a thought#sometimes i wonder if i should go full on chaser like kitty used to#like im being serious im already such a bad person would it really kill me to start searching for if [redacted] has a kin community#surely not but maybe because in a video [redacted] mentioned it mockingly? like because hes old hehe so its gotta exist#maybe they got chased off the internet... maybe i should ask my papa to build me one...#too forward? too cringe? i always thought it was before but desperate times call for desperate measures#i act like this is a personal journal and nota place other people can access#who even cares. im the king of sunk cost fallacy#anyways maybe someday ill get the courage to be that much of a degen to my own padres face but for now ill just vaguepost it in tumblr tags#and wish i wasnt the worlds most shame filled failure because being so shameful takes the fun out of the indulgence#lulah yaps
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people who do STEM or administration as a career full time and continue to do art as a hobby, I am scared of you but like in a hot way. youre like if we were allowed to have cold drinks in winter. i look at you and think of miles morales with his two cakes. do you want to make out sometime
#i say all of this positively bc i just! i cant help admiring it!! even if its mundane or not a big deal to you i seriously cant wrap my head#around it.. this is in no way at all meant to be condescending or anything. whenever i look at someones bio and theyre like oh im working#as a lab assistant biologist pharmacist realtor etc im like woag.... thats insane.. and then i peep your art tag and it knocks my socks of#how?? what lives do you lead??? im so curious. i seriously want a peek inside your brains someday. or at least shadow you at work lol#i cant help but feel sad when someone says smth like well i have to support myself and art cant do that for me. or maybe you were#pushed into pursuing a 'safe' career bc i hear it a lot. all of my relatives have the same story working as nurses and OFWs for the family#i think for me its not about missed potential but rather its being sad about making a decision to put your happiness aside to get by#ive tried so hard to do it but it didnt work out. i guess watching you guys do it is fascinating to me#or maybe youve made peace with your decision or actually like what you pursued but im still amazed!! it makes me wonder what made#you pick one over the other in that case.. is it like putting time for two different things the way you would for a schedule?? hmmm#im doing graphic design so i dont really interact with ppl in other faculties even humanities like sociology or childcare... so i cant help#wondering what it must be like as someone whos pursuing visual communication both as an interest and career#i seriously wish i could do smth like a desk job or even admin and maybe ill try that if this doesnt work. or i could look into trades#but dyscalculia already makes it hard to do things like cash and mental math so i get overwhelmed if i think about this too hard#yapping
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omg kalim is putting up the finishing touches to the Generic Winter Holiday Party™️ hosted in scarabia with all his friends....
[next!]
#cereal tries to draw#twst#kalim al asim#ummm lol. i was thinking about this the other day#DONT take me too seriously i simply want to doodle tiny guy smoochies or something#via poll results LOL my thought process is like#one character comes up. cute smooch. first character leave. second character remains w/new poll of third character to approach#just going on and on til i dont feel like it anymore or people get annoyed at me lol#idk if i should do in reblog chain or each one a separate post#or maybe ill literally just do one idk lol#also if no one wants to play my poll game then i just get to do whichever one i picked so a win for me either way <3#bc im also. only making poll choices of ppl i feel like drawing together lol#it's MY mind palace so /I/ get to decide the heavy bias poll choices#anyway play my poll game or whatever idk bye lol#i dont wanna be annoying so minimal tags#well. minimal like. searching tags. im still yapping jfklsdfksldhglfjsdklhgkk#OKAY BYE!!!!!!!
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swapinverse posting rn,,,,, (WAKE UP UNTITLED29876011111 MY LISTENER I KNOW YOU GET NO SLEEP BUT SWAPINVERSE CRUMBS SWAPINVERSE CRUMBS PSPSPSPSPPSPSPS)
anyways currently reworking savior and godDAMN is he soooo,,,,,,, my boy i love my boy. why does he literally combine the melancholic vibe of dust and then whatever the hell killer's got going on in his lore. hes literally so sad and emo and depressed but also has a perfect amount of i-dont-care-ness and built in commands,,,,,, hes so PERFECT my vision of this modernized savior is soooo amazing,,,,, none of you will be ready trust (hyping myself up over nothing)
i think its because i'm finally starting to THINK about my character's,,,,,,, characters?????? like before they were just concepts. i think. like just IDEAS and now especially for savior i'm starting to actually analyze his character and see where things go from there,,,, its sooooo fun i love this sosososos much,,,, now let's see if this streak of analysis will carry on for the 2 i still need to finish finish (crash and vice.SER my glitchy fuckass sons)
google what is the symbolic representation for ribbons and ribbon dancing and silk acrobatics. google ANSWER ME
#that last paragraph is because crash does those :3 he thinks hes so elegant SMH#siphon's supposed to be corrupted nm!ink but then i feel i may or may not have made him too NICE????#like what other traits am i supposed to add to make hin more like corrupted nm aside from the fact that he upsets the balance#and ink's already an asshole anyways!!! just that this ink wont be as energetic and just a tad more evil!!!!!#so what if i didnt do any canon research on anybody's origins that wasn't just the mtt SO WHAT OK#LET ME HAVE FUN WITH THESE CHARACTERS I DONT KNOW WITHOUT HAVING TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM#nevermind youre right...... i guess its time to do research on ink and error and CORE frisk and dream and nightmare....... siiiigh#AUAGHHHH I WANNA TALK ABOUT SWAPINVERSE SOOOO BAD#I WANNA BOUNCE IDEAS OFF SOMEONE BC IM KINDA STUCK FOR CRASH AND VICESER#BUT I CAN'T TELL SECRET MTT NATION MEMBER!!!!!!!! WHY NOT?????#BECAUSE I WANNA SEE THEIR RAW REACTION WHEN IT DROPS OFC WITH NO SPOILERS#listen is that sooo bad that i want people to be surprised and interested when it comes out IS IT#at least One person should be surprised and thats ok for me for nos#but unfortunately that DOES leave me with nobody to yap too........ feel so shahshdgsg#i NEED to talk about these characters i'm gonna go feral djdhshshhhhhhhh#swapinverse my beloved swapinverse my beloved maybe actually by this pace i'll finish in the summer of this school year???? who knows#i MUST make it a comic right??? what else can i do aside from make it s comic#or actually an ask blog i have no idea how ill present swapinverse to the world. but i've always had that issue sooooooo#the main story will be a comic......... other stuff people wanna know id asks.......... and then i guess i draw here snd there#oh gooodddd doing all that is going to KILL me but whatever i'm so excited for this project#i've been developing it since like basically freshman year swapinverse is growing with me 🧡🧡🧡🧡#tricule rant
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GreedxLing Week Day 5: Regrets
Read here on AO3
Greed wasn’t the type of guy who had many regrets. He went for what he wanted when he wanted it, and he didn’t waste time moping over what might have been.
Oh sure, some things stuck with him, (Like blood swirling through dirty water, limbs floating by as he failed again and again to strike a single blow against the bastard who’d done that. Like blood on his own hands and a small body crumpled on the floor of the nightmarish tunnel he’d been told to guard, a face that became familiar too late stuck forever in an expression of betrayal.) but for the most part he let any regret he might feel go as he focused on his next big plan.
Even now that he was dying for good when he should have had a few more centuries of life in him, Greed didn’t have any regrets. It had been less than five minutes since he’d found out he’d been deluding himself about what he wanted for his entire existence, but he’d always been quick to adapt.
He’d found his way to what he’d truly desired regardless.
Ed was a good friend. That was why so many people cared about him. And it was obvious he cared about Greed, even if Greed never got around to telling him he felt the same way.
He hadn’t thought that Lan Fan girl liked him at all, but now she was looking up at him with hurt in her eyes, like she really cared that he was dying before they could get to know each other better. She was tough as nails, that one, and the most loyal person he’d ever met. It was a pleasant surprise that she had any positive feeling for him at all.
And, of course, there was Ling.
Ling was…everything.
Everything a guy like Greed could hope for and more.
Kind enough to want power not for himself but to help his people, and selfish enough to refuse to trade any of those people to get it. Smart and calculating, ruthless when necessary but never needlessly cruel, fucking deadly with a blade.
Not to mention perceptive enough to see through Greed’s bullshit, with all the patience needed to ease Greed into seeing through it himself. Greed probably never would have recognized that what he truly wanted was friendship–much less admitted to it–without Ling’s influence.
Ling was the best friend Greed had ever had.
Leaving him hurt. Lying to him hadn’t felt too great either.
But it was the only way to keep his father from killing Ling too, so Greed didn’t regret that either. He was far too greedy to let someone kill his best friend.
No, Greed didn’t have any regrets as he looked down, taking in the sight of his friends one last time. It really had been enough.
Ling looked away from Greed, which was a little disappointing. From his vantage point, drifting away above the battlefield, Greed could just barely hear Ling say Lan Fan’s name.
The girl nodded once, a determined look on her face, and then…threw something at Greed?
Rude! No respect for the soon-to-be dead.
Whatever it was seemed to warp in shape as it sailed through the air, its arc unerringly bringing it right between Greed’s eyes. It was bright red.
Greed realized that it must be the philosopher’s stone Lan Fan had found right before it hit him.
The untethered, floating sensation that had been carrying Greed out of this lifetime disappeared, and he felt he’d been swimming in a giant tub when the plug was pulled, carried down and down by an irresistible current.
The sky and the battlefield and his friends all disappeared, and Greed found himself once again suspended in a familiar, red-tinged void. The screaming around him was as loud as it had ever been–something you got used to and stopped hearing unless something reminded you to listen after a while–but Greed could tell that it was different than before. New voices from a new stone.
(Greed wondered if he could talk to all of these souls, get to know them like Ed’s dad had done for the ones in him, or if you needed to start that right after the stone was made so people didn’t have time to lose their sense of self.)
Something shifted again, and Greed found himself looking across the void of souls and into Ling’s face. Just like old times.
Ling didn’t struggle to find his footing this time, body and mind already accustomed to sharing this space with Greed. After barely a second to reorient himself to the new stone, Ling’s eyes locked onto Greed and he surged forward.
And punched Greed in the face.
Once again, rude! Everyone was attacking him today, and he didn’t even have his ultimate shield in here to protect himself.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“You idiot,” Ling snarled, winding back to punch Greed again.
Greed was ready this time, and projected an arm for himself to catch Ling’s hand. Ling reached to hit him with the other hand, and Greed caught that too. Ling struggled to keep swinging at Greed, but the homunculus didn’t let him go.
“Why am I an idiot? I just saved the day, ya know.” This really was not the reaction Greed was anticipating for his noble sacrifice.
“You were only thinking about yourself!”
“That’s kind of my whole deal, Ling.”
“No it isn’t,” Ling insisted. “You know it isn’t. And you lied to me! You promised we’d rule Xing together and then you left me.”
Ling was crying.
Ling was sobbing, and he’d stopped trying to pull away from Greed’s hands, clinging to them instead.
“You left me,” Ling repeated. “I was all alone. I don’t want to be alone like that again. It doesn’t matter if Lan Fan had a philosopher’s stone, I need you.”
All the regret Greed hadn’t felt as he was dying slammed into him now.
He hadn’t meant to upset Ling. He’d never wanted to make Ling cry. He’d been trying to protect him, to save him.
Regret and guilt churned uncomfortably inside of Greed.
Hesitantly he pulled Ling toward him and into a hug. Or as close to a hug as two soul projections–one human shaped and the other mostly a floating face–could have.
Ling went easily, wrapping his arms around Greed so tightly it might have been a problem if Greed needed to breathe.
“I’m sorry,” Greed murmured, the sound nearly lost to the cacophony around them. “It was the only thing I could think of to keep you safe. Father was going to kill you, too.”
“We could have fought him together,” Ling argued. “We should have fought him together.”
They really shouldn’t have–they would have both ended up dead–but Greed didn’t say that. Instead he just rubbed a hand over Ling’s back in a way he hoped was soothing.
“Please don’t leave me again.” Ling whispered.
“Never.” Greed wrapped his arms even tighter around Ling. “I’ll never leave you again if I have any choice about it. I promise.”
He hoped Ling believed him, but he couldn’t be sure how much trust he’d damaged with his one and only lie.
Ling pulled back, and Greed reluctantly let him go.
He didn’t go far, just putting enough space between them to look into Greed’s face.
Before leaning right back in and kissing Greed.
Greed’s mind screeched to halt. This wasn’t something he’d ever expected, and only partly because in this form Greed didn’t have what would traditionally be considered a human mouth.
Ling was amazing. Ling was perfect, really, and he was a prince. He could have anyone in the world, so why the hell was he wasting his time kissing Greed?
Ling pulled back when Greed didn’t respond, too stunned to kiss back. The prince looked embarrassed and a little afraid.
“I’m sorry,” Ling rushed to say. “I should have asked first, or–or not done that at all. I was just–I was so scared when you were gone, and then I was so relieved to have you back, but that’s no excuse. Please forgive me, we can forget that this ever–”
Well, that just wouldn’t do.
Greed took Ling’s face in both his hands and pulled him in for another kiss.
It was better than Greed had ever imagined, and not just because he’d never let himself imagine it. He’d wanted it, of course. Ling was his person, the one he could admit–at least to himself–that he cared about as more than a possession even before he’d realized that he wanted that with the others too. Ling knew Greed better than Greed knew himself, and that went both ways. Of course he wanted Ling to be his in every way.
But people had to want to belong to him, or there wasn’t any point to it. And Greed still wasn’t sure what Ling saw in him.
He definitely saw something. He pulled Greed impossible closer and deepened the kiss.Greed was a bit worried at first about his own sharp teeth, but judging from Ling’s enthusiasm, that wasn’t even a problem.
Eventually they pulled apart again, and this time Ling grinned at Greed.
“Does this mean you still want to come rule Xing with me?”
Greed laughed and tucked a bit of hair behind Ling’s ear as he answered. “Yeah, of course I’ll rule Xing with you. You don’t even have to ask.”
It was no King of the World, but Greed had never truly wanted that anyway. He would gladly rule a country with Ling. He would gladly rule just one clan with Ling.
Greed would happily move to a farm and rule nothing but a bunch of chickens if Ling asked him to.
He knew the hurt was still there from his lie, from his near death. He could feel it in the way Ling clung to him, afraid he’d disappear if he let go for a moment.
Greed would spend the rest of their lives making that up to him. And with the brand new philosopher’s stone within them, he would have plenty of time to do it.
#greedxlingweek2024#greed fma#ling yao#greedling#these last two have been real sadboy hours huh#but don't worry#everything will be fine#like i said yesterday im a bitch who needs a happy ending#just a heads up i wont be posting tomorrow#it's my birthday!#and ill be doing birthday things#but ill have one for day 7#might be a bit late but ill do it#im having too much fun writing all of these!#just looked at the word count on ao3 and its under 2 thousand?#that's the shortest thing ive ever written where i still felt like i actually said everything i needed to say#maybe writing a prompt fill every day is what will finally let me get my yapping addiction under control#fma
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#Reds such a unique and sad character to me#No matter what he does he is in a loop somehow. both actually and mentally.#He wants change - but he's afraid of it - But he NEEDS it - but its too scary.#He wants to be normal - But normal is boring - But its safe.#Too weird for people - too normal for freaks.#He Likes those two - But getting attached hurts. - But he truly does love them - But what if hes the issue? what is HE hurts them.#and thats why i think transport was such a big turning point. because he does hurt them#He tries his best and does what he thinks will be best.#him being alone so he issnt an “Issue”#And them being happy and healthy in a place where thier needs are met. and they dont have to be scared anymore.#but he fails and he hurts them.#His torture here is feeling helpless and whenever he tries it fails to the point he feels awful.#He has such complex and battling emotions they loop in his head over and over. too the point he cant do anything#thus making him a neutral character.#But neutral issnt a Good thing#Yes he doesnt hurt anything. But he doesnt help or comfort either#He is in a loop inside and out.#Hes drowning.#SIIIGHH sometimes it hurts understanding him /hj. (i know theres like a gigillion ways to interpret him lmao.}#im actuly kinda sad i havent seen anyone else have the idea of him being torn apart inside and anxious tho.#or that he sees himself as a big monster. maybe even due to him leaveing before (trying to help but failing again)#or that hes easy to manipulate. thus creating danger for the other two.#But im just yapping and making a comic based on my thoughts :]#(as ive been a lil mentally ill about string man lately.#dhmis#dhmis red guy#dhmis fanart#dhmis comic#dont hug me im scared
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what if. what if I did a whole post abt ex-togame what if.
#no because........ the way I'm in my feelings for him and in my feelings for angst should be illegal#hands itching. i need to write i need to write sOMETHING#togame ? trying the most to make things right only for your relationship to fall for the 1 thing he can't do that's communication? HMU#i genuinely think he wouldn't be desperated begging for a second chance bc im a firm believer he would be pissed#HOWEVER ☝️ May I suggest ☝️ togame slowly loosing his mind because you accidentally left something in his house ☝️#its the idea of 'he has so much of you' in his house and vice-versa just to show how he genuinely tried so much how could u not see it ?!#not me yapping abt this instead of writing........ alright maybe I'll make a part two of that prev posf just for him 😐#'your fault for letting your girl get so comfortable togame' 'shut up stop saying that you're not my girl anymore' 'sorry. habit.' 'i know.'#I CAN WRITE A MESS SO MESSY I PROMISE 🙏🙏🙏🙏 ILL DO IT ILL DO IT#i just need angst in my veins atm and you guys know me I can't do that to ume. its too much for me to handle.#ALWAYS ALWAYS obsessed with different ways a enneagram 2 reacts to it. as a 2 myself. ume and jo the mans that you both are.#ALRIGHT ENOUGH ill write it. by next week i promise 👍👍👍#if i dont get any requests it will be the next thing promise 👍#e.txt#jo togame x reader
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being a hater rq okay sorry BUT KJDFGHK
i'm ngl it lowkey icks me out when someone you aren't even mutuals with/ knows you and what you relatively are ok with talking about interacts with a relatively normal post you make that isn't initially meant to be dc like that and then add like CRAZY dc in the tags lmfao ESP ONE COMPLETELY OFF IN CHARACTERIZATION AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT YOU POSTED ABOUT. like how did you get there bro 😭 and it's like icky because it's not even the dynamic u meant. like i get you're excited and stuff to talk and project and i'm glad my post is fueling your brain juices or whatever, and it's not like i am yucking your yum or anything BUT when it's on MY post... and you make it INSANE when it was not... girl go make that a separate post 😭 i do not want that in my notifs KDSJFDFG
#ill delete this later PLS I JUST HAD TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST KDJFGH#dark content mention cw#like yes i support dc/talk about dc but that doesn't mean you have to add dc to post when it was not originally like u don't know if i'm-#-comfy w that KJHSDKJSF LIKE U GOT TOO COMFORTABLE I FEAR LMFAOO#and its like i barely specified in my rules about it so i get it maybe thats on me idk BUT LIKE#IDK BRO#i personally do not yap in someone's notifs when they aren't even talking about something dark LET ALONE TO A CRAZY DEGREE at all#esp if it could make someone uncomfy like HELLO DC IS WICKED U GOTTA BE CAREFUL FKJHFJ luckily thats not the case for me like im chill#BUT STILL LOL
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i wanna cry i rlly hate being new to things
#literally tearing up and crying i hate this#i didnt rlly care much at first until i realised a lot of ppl DONT like new fans#im so sad rn i absolutely hate being new to things or to people and feeling so left out#i feel like ill just never get it or compare to fans that have been fans for fucking years#like ppl r thinking of gatekeeping and just not helping new fans i saw and im just sick and even scared idk why#maybe in thinking too much into this. im sorry.#sorry for this kind of vent omg i just idk i feel sick#yes this is about motor city machine guns#i wish i have gotten into them sooner. thanks a lot to my tribalist of a dad who thought tna sucked bc it wasnt wwe.#punkoween yaps#vent
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Which you like more, Humanoid Shroud or pet Shroud.
For a good few years I've had a huge obsession with humanoid Shroud, purely for the fact it'd be cool for cTommy to be a standalone older brother/father figure to someone, and Shroud was the easiest victim. I really liked to brainstorm what kind of dynamic they'd have, what cTommy's raising/parenting style would be, how Shroud would be affected by it, and just stuff like that. In all honestly I still am lol.
However, I have since gained a mild obsession with spiders, especially tarantulas, so now I project my dream pet onto cTommy. I find it really entertaining to imagine cTommy with a pet spider, because it kind of emphasizes the whole "lover of the unloved" and because I like cTommy with scary dog privileges in the form of a giant, eight-legged apex predator that he treats like a person or a very spoiled dog/cat.
In short: I used to like humanoid Shroud for the kid aspect of it, but now i prefer pet Shroud because I want a pet tarantula and it'd be really funny!!
#i distinctly remember thinking to myself like half a year ago#(or maybe its been a year ago by now)#“man; i cant just to begging for a pet tarantula when im deadly afraid of common house spiders! i needa knock that off”#and now im considered the Local Spider Handler by my family and its the most validating thing#only issue is that i havent gotten around to that pet tarantula yet#i love shroud#i wanna name my future pet tarantula shroud but im not sure if thats too far or not lol#i dont know what else id name it if not shroud#maybe something unsuspecting like naming it missile launcher but referring it as missy to surprise people#though i think that only works on cats#its very very obvious i dont have anyone else to talk to about my small spider obsession and dsmp other than my tumblr mutuals#and whoever reads this#WOAW i said a lot#oopsies#my super cool moots !!#crazed raccoon chitters#shroud the spider#ctommy#ctommyinnit#ill be experiencing post-yap clarity tomorrow and ill be so embarrassed !!!
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Won't lie I am a little worried that if I decide to start posting on my 0F again in a few more months that some of my new followers here will be mean about it ;-;
I don't want people that don't support sexworkers on here anyway but doesn't mean I still wouldn't be sad to loose followers for it
#as of right now im still undecided but some days i want to do it again#im also working on things to help my confidence so at least im actively doing something you know?#but i still feel like i cant wont be able to make the sort of stuff i really want to in space i have now#hmm maybe i should plot the type of content i could make in this space while i ponder#im a little silly though since in my head im going to officially decide in october but thats also my business month job wise#very on brand of me though to make myself even more busy than i already would be#im just hoping that by october ill feel more 'me' again confidence wise with my appearance#plz ignore the spelling mistakes i type too quick and i cant edit the tags without deleting the whole thing and im just a pup#it also honestly make me feel like shit when people bring up my spelling#i spent basically my whole academic life getting in trouble for it#so im either going to have to just stop yapping here or yous lot are going to have to politely ignore the mistakes
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i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim
#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it#its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me#but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy#hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked#its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags#and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple#its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!!#and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!!#but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is#fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates#but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right'#fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on#yapping
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