#maybe ill change my pfp soon?

[wooahaes]

i love my baeseung pfp but i miss my silly wooahae man being there :(

[gourde]

I don't even recognize myself anymore. Who is this stranger.

[failure-girl-fuyu]

i think im starting to get obsessive again....

rant/explanation below

so i think not little people know about whitey by now (@/alluring-hyacinth-sibyl) and i remember like a few months back (maybe around september??) they just spammed me all the time and only had a pfp. i wasnt mad, i was actually happy about it, even if my friend thought they were a bot. they only had 1 reblog for a whilee too. but i found out around that time that they also spammed others, cuz they started reblogging others' stuff, and ill admit i was a bit jealous, but i thought/knew i was the favorite still in their eyes. when they changed their theme it was like watching a sweet little kid grow up right infront of you!! on impulse, i promised to write them a poem, but when they left to focus on studies i hadn't written it yet (will when/if they come back). i still hug the plushie i assigned to them every night, thinking to it (because i cant say it out loud when im pretending to sleep) "i miss you. please come back soon. i hope school isnt harsh on you. please i just want you back. id hug you until you couldnt breathe if i could"

TL;DR i think about them almost constantly, they're like a person who cant do wrong in my eyes, i want to do everything for them so they can talk to me nicely again, and give me a bunch of attention that makes me feel like the best person on earth. ive honestly not kms yet just so they dont worry about it, but if they did want me to id probably do it.

[lavenderfloower]

Idk what to do anymore I cant do anything right because of stupid autism i can barely keep a boyfriend in my grasp because im so fucking stupid when things get difficult i can barely respond and it makes him frustrated cause it seems like im being rude and i just cant handle any sexual stuff from anyone due to some trauma and maybe im just meant to be unlovable and it just seems like my relationship is gonna crumble soon and idek what to do or say was it a mistake am i the problem but no matter how many times i go hey im autistic im not the best at social interactions he just straight up ignores it and hes so freaking horny and im so not horny and i just cant and he claims that we were arguing all day but i didnt see it as arguing and then he talked about one of his kinks or whatever and he wanted to call me a slut or call him a slut or degrade him and i got uncomfortable and i didn't know what to do at all i feel so dumb for just not saying hey i dont like that and then this morning he asked me if i was serious about our relationship and i was like yeah but this whole ordeal has made me unsure and he changed his pfp last night when i just took a break from my phone and posted a depressing ass insta note like i was the one leaving him as if he didnt start anything by calling me young and immature and im only 10 months younger than him and i act immature when i feel comfortable around people and he always says that hes used to dating older women who want to use him and are more mature and i feel like i just walked into a pole flying a big red flag like a moron like what the actual hell am i doing hes more concerned abt how he looks than how i feel about him and its aggravating and i literally don't care abt looks cause ill eventually go blind anyways cause my eyesight is just gonna decline and decline until glasses cant help me anymore so i want someone who has a good personality and can be there and can understand that im not neurotypical and not like his last girlfriends im not gothic and freaky and older by a long shot im just me Rose a autistic girl who goes about life trying so hard to find true bonds and relationships and always fails im not goth i have no specific style and i dress colorful and im not freaky i literally rarely feel any feelings like that either and i may not act mature when i like you because why would i act quiet and composed around someone whos supposed to love the real me the me that thinks everything is funny and makes the dumbest jokes and has a whole board on Pinterest of reaction images to send to people to make them laugh and you know what he said to me "This is why i dont date younger girls" YOU ARE LITERALLY MY AGE hes was in the same grade as me in school and got his heart broken by one girl and thinks hes so mature this is the second guy in a row that probably only loves me for my body once again and im still a virgin no one gets to touch me or take that til im married and every guy seems to think saying i wanna marry you means ill give it up if me and him break up im just gonna stop wasting my energy and give the fuck up on love because i dont need romance i need real friendship and bonds that cant be broken what do you think

[mysteryampharos]

Hi yes I just got my ao3 account (crystalizedmushrooms) and I can't change my profile picture

When I click 'choose file' nothing happens. Is this normal?

(never messed with my profile and pfp on ao3) Well,

if your image isnt over the size (512 KB, i believe) and nothing pops up for you to select after pressing 'Choose File', you might wanna contact support if that doesnt get fixed soon (cause its not something ive seen before..)

If it does let you choose a file, maybe you just forgot to press the Update button? i cant think of any other reasons otherwise though.

GLAD TO HEAR THE ACCOUNT IS FINALLY HERE THOUGH. There should be a fix to that issue somewhere ill try looking for it when i get home

[j1nx-xyz]

Woo I'm not dead

August 31 2023

Listen I honestly forgot about this account so I haven't written in so long, so now I get to make a long post on my life updates (also ignoring the scary-ass clown staring at me on my homepage)

I don't remember what I wrote last so we will start with a big change. I dropped R (will not be using names) and I seemed to change for the better after that, well I think changed a lot. Though recently they started being a bitch, yk that Lana del Rey audio, it goes like "I win" at the end and they had the audacity to put "you blocked me" "I win" like excuse me actually I blocked you second because I didn't want you on my account and now you make it to be like some big achievement??? It's really not but yeah. you go bro. also after some more looking into things, (let me add context first) there were these two account both matching user and pfps and were on my partners account harassing them so I was like "Oh they have T's name in it ill ask R" asked them, they apparently knew nothing so I was like "ask T" apparently T didn't know though her name was in the user so I asked her personally and she was being a bitch about it and I was like "chill it was a question" now I would of stopped bugging her until she screenshotted the chat, like why would you do that if you knew nothing??? but anyways, found out one of those accounts commented under R video so that cleared everything, they did know them. honestly hate how they are starting shit.

Moving on. I think since you know I now have no friends in my school I can actually focus on work since its my last year, I also have been trying to improve talking to people and actually keeping a routine since my skincare went to shit one day and I didn't know why. i start school soon so I may not find time to carry this on but I want to. I've got to actually sign up for college too soon... probably going into photography or art but most likely photography. I'm getting a whole computer setup so I wont be hunched over my laptop like I am right now typing this, I do find being able to rant like this fun even if no one will read it.

Oh my friend J asked me to join a band they are making, I'm being guitar but i only have acoustic and prefer electric but it'll have to do, they sent us a really fast pace song like... I'm using acoustic??? but its okay i can figure it out, oh i have a DnD session with them tomorrow which i totally forgot about and now i cant go shopping with my mum but its okay.

I should finish up so i can go play on my ps with C and possibly other C (Maybe I should come up with nicknames for this)

[kmgkmg]

“almost included a lil text abt hosh accidentally adding joshua to a gc that he meant to add vernon and gyu to....hosh wouldve sent something like "so how long do yall wanna bet it's going to be until they're engaged" and joshua would wait for everyone to place their bets and then be like "well now you all owe me money since we just got engaged" *sends a pic of his hand and an engagement ring* BUT ALAS. i settled on a dating anniversary instead. just know in that universe, they would eventually get married (an extra little epilogue just for you anon)”

ynshie….marriage…..real…..(i explode into tiny little pieces) i actually screamed and nearly rolled off my bed when i read “well now you all owe me money since we just got engaged” like i prayed for times like these FR!!! (i dont think ill ever get over ynshie ever this extra epilogue will live in my brain thank you so so much 😭😭🫶🫶)

also THERE WAS A PLAYLIST BREAKDOWN?? actually dropping everything to read it all while listening to the playlist im so excited to read it rn tysm <33

(also i just noticed that u posted a ww fic??? omw to read it rn . angst will not stop me) (i will eat my words soon)

-⛺️

put my reply under the cut so our message won't be too long on the dashboard but 😗🫳*picks up the little pieces of u one by one that have exploded*

BUT YEAHHHHH!!!! there are so many lil headcanons abt this fic anonnie!!!!!!!!!! since u like the lil nuggets.. i'll shower u in some unused photos and their What Ifs!!

1...firework/sparkler pic: remember the tweet after cabin wars when joshua realized how cute reader looked when they were happy...yeah reader would've had that realization too on the 4th!!!!! joshua probably asked vernon to take the pic and he would post it on main being kinda fuckboyish but reader and joshua would (obliviously) be flirting in the comments. like get together alr 🙄 2...vernon/josh preoccupied on their phones: reader would send this pic to hoshi and be like "they've been trying to figure out how to load a tiktok compilation vid onto the tv for the kids...who's gna tell them that i hid the remote? 😝" reader just being chaotic since hoshi would b gone that day for personal reasons or smthn 3...joshua bed pic: I WAS SOOOOO TEMPTED TO USE THIS ONE! the thing is though it looks soooooo like Professionally taken, yknow? but it would've been vernon being a little cupid, texting reader like "we mentioned your name and suddenly bro is wide awake" LIKE LOOK HOW PRECIOUS HE LOOKS???? it could pass for him being infatuated w you and UGHHH yeah!!

4...mud masks: the camp has rewarded the counselors for taking care of the campers all summer! free spa day for all of them! except nobody told joshua and hoshi where the mud bath was and the spa was nature themed so um. when they saw a pool outside of the changing rooms with mud, they automatically thought that it must be the place w rejuvenating mud for the skin! yeah no...it's just an old pool that hasn't been cleaned. so they have actual dirty mud/clay on their face. reader and vernon come back from buying snacks like ??????? how are you so muddy when we didn't even tell you where to go??? and reader takes that pic of them just utterly shocked like !!!!!! wym that pool wasn't even a part of the spa?!!??!! 5...karaoke night: again, a counselors only type of event. they would go to the local pub and have fun (maybe drink, maybe not idk!) but you and hoshi would encourage joshua to sing and vernon to rap! joshua would go after you kept whining, he's a sucker for you, and ofc start singing sunday morning. reader would tweet the video and caption it like "living up to the username i see @/sundaymorning" 6...pfp: ok this one is the most nugget of nuggets but i was considering making this joshua's pfp/icon for reader and joshua's texts! it would b for after they're together! i was gna add a bit abt how he makes funny faces to cheer reader up. he made that face one day during one of your facetimes, so you screenshotted it and always look at his contact pic when you feel down!

if you did get the chance to check out the breakdown i would b soooo interested to know which song(s) u think fits the series the best!! i def have my own picks for the ones i listened to a lot and used the most 🤭

THE WONU FIC!!!!!!!! my friend is a wonu stan and i was texting her like... yeah almost done w the wonu angst.. and she was like WONWOO?? ANGST????? 🤲 it was soooo funny bcos she's v chill but she was eating up the little sections of the fic that i was sending her hehe

i also made two mbs on my other sb for the wonwoo fic: one based more on the vibes and one based on the aes! the one w wonwoo's face kinda flopped and i'm like 👁️ interesting... @ the followers on that blog

sorry for the late reply!! but hope u had a nice day <333

[astrxealis]

PLEASE send me some accs idm spoilers since im pretty slow n i can forget them pretty easily

aMfnsXNSNSMDNEKDMMO

FINALLY I CAN ANSWER THIS ASKWIWJJDJAJSJA OREO HELLO <3 auhssj okay so :squints: ill put this under the cut + also. not tag em bcs im too shy for that EIHWJDBS anyways !!!!

ok first self promo LMFAO @/astarriscus <33 i only have like ... 1 akira fic. n 1 akechi one. but def writing more ishdjwhdkwjs <333 (u saw ^^ alrdy i think hehe)

@/leblancc (who im also proud to be mutuals w/ <3 UWHSJDBSJDB) her writing is SO GODDAMN NCIEJWHSJSNS they feed me so much p5 content sobs yes yes <333

@/allovertheplace-writing (who i am also ♡ to be mutuals w !! even if i havnt properly talked to em JDHSJD <3) HER WRITING IS RLY NICE !! not much stufd out yet for p5 but reqs r open (?) + lovely writing so yes ufhdjdjs T^T <33

aaaa @/randoimago also YES YES !!!!! their stuff r true to character & good qual (like everyone here tho tbh <333) aaa she has quite a lot of works !!!!!

@/moonlight-in-the-sea AGAGSGSHSGAHS her writing is rlly nice whheurhejdjsnsnj <333 i love the stuff in her masterlist a lot snfiushdjsj TvT !!!!!!!

@/auraverze LAST ONE I CAN RMBR !!! okay i think i mostly read their works on ao3 rather than tumblr bt MAN i love their ideas anf writing AHSHDGSJS <33

i can hmmmmmm idk much abt their oher works but this one is rlly nice <3 + this one from yet another moot kf mine AJBFJSN this is their only p5 fic tho ! <3

and then i think im done. WJAHSJSN U PROLLY FOUND SOME OF THESE ALRDY YES BUT REGARDLESS !!!!!!! ENJOY <33

[viovio]

god I rly should change the theme on my aesthetic blog soon

[coffeeclubbuchan]

oh god not me wanting to change my url to something cuter but suddenly realising that it takes brain power to be creative and I can't be bothered because I'm fucking lazy oh noooo

[smolteabirb]

Check In Tag Game  ✔️

thanks for tagging me @castawavy <33

why did you choose your URL?

when i was looking to rebrand from cozyteacupsims i was looking through my pinerest and there was that one mbti post smth abt the types idk but infps (my type) were described as smol cinnamon birbs but i like tea so yea thats why im smolteabirb

any side blogs?

well atm im in the process of setting up another acc ill be linking it for yall when im done with it all but its not technically a sideblog bc im making it on a separate google acc skdkfg

how long have you been on tumblr?

not long enough jokes aside i think its been over a year now 👄👁👄

why did you start your blog in the first place?

so my mom wanted to make cc for the game and i suggested making a tumblr acc bc thats where the good cc creators were 🙈 soon mom decided to make her own acc to do her simblr stuff bc i had taken over this acc ekdkfkg

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i saw it on pinterest and i liked it sm that i put it as a pfp literally everywhere sksjfkg

do you have a queue tag

nope.

what’s your post with the most notes?

brb let me chekc kskdjt

in general;this year

how many mutuals do you have?

166 but like a good portion of them are archive blogs of mutuals, that i never unfollowed bc im lazy :') also a good part of them are inactive now :'))

why did you choose your header?

its been sitting here since simblreen last year fun fact i drew it myself i should probably change it my pfp as well

how many people do you follow?

258 and half of them probably arent even active anymore i should clean it up and follow new ppl as well :')

have you ever made a shit post?

yes, most of them u can find under #kate.exe but theyre not like the real deal theyre more random posts than that :')

how many followers do you have?

😳😳😳😳 958 😳😳😳 guess i gotta prepare smth special for 1k 😳😳😳😳

did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

on tumblr? no. outside of there? maybe but i aint telling sjsjjfg 🙈

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

idk all that you have to reblog or ur a horrible person is a huge turnoff for me like bestie im immune to manipulation techniques why u gotta guilt trip ppl

how often do you use tumblr each day?

oh lemme check it in my phone stats sdhskfkg

okay so i open it around 25ish times a day and use it for around an hour on average

do you like tag games?

YESYESYESYES im slow at doing them and also i suck at tagging other ppl but i love them

do you like ask games?

MY ABSOLUTE FAVS but with those u depend on other ppl wanting to send u asks :")

do you have a crush on a mutual?

im jsut gonna say this if ur my mutual im in love w u i love all of my mutuals its rlly parasocial relationships at their finest i think of every single one of u as a dear friend and ally 💋💋💋

okay now for the tags i tag (feel free to ignore) @lavenderie @neverheresims @lonely-bologna-sims @kingfakey @cosmikclouds @simsliipsx @koalapixels @leafykii @grenouillage @hvniebee @faerieprose @sassysimmersoph @poetic-falls uh and all and mutuals that want to do this :3

[blxckvoids]

Because i didn’t want to lose him, i lost myself in the process.

I became the girl who kept being mistreated and i formed the habit of saying “i’m used to it, it’ll get better soon”. I became a girl who kept being unappreciated and i began telling myself “it’s okay”.  I became a girl who kept being undervalued and i learned how to say “i’m fine”. I became a girl who kept being put last and i naturally reacted with “it's whatever” . I became a girl who kept being taken for granted and i dealt with it by repeating “ Everything’s going to be okay fiqah” . I became a girl who kept being unhappy and i regularly told people “ hey, i’m going to be fine!” And after everything that has ended, after 4 years. I managed to walk out. I learned when to walk away. No guy is worth losing yourself for, no guy is worth suffering for at the expense of your happiness and no guy is worth tormenting yourself over for the sake of making him happy. At this point, perhaps walking away and listening to my heart will allow me to find myself and to find someone who knows my actual worth. It’s been 32 days since i told you , “ i have to go, i’ve given up. Our love has gone cold and i love him. My heart choose him.” I’d like to sincerely apologize to our close friends, especially hadi’s for my shitty actions. It’s true, i have someone else. I admit it. Openly. There is nothing for me to hide anymore. No, i don’t love hadi nor do i miss him. We tried so many times to make it work. Infact, i told you once “ we’re turning toxic “ you replied me with this..

“ toxic thn leave ah, we tried so many times alrdy but its still not working.  It means we aren’t meant to be together. “ 

When i looked back, there were so many signs we weren’t meant to be together. But i’ve never packed my bags and left. 

I wanted you to fight for us, you never once did. I wanted you to comfort me but you always told me, “ i don’t know how to”. 

I should have walked away when 

1) we were 15, i was battling with depression and you weren’t there. I didn’t expect you to be my therapist, you didn’t even supported me instead you couldn’t accept me. Should have known but i fought for you, even when i was on the verge of suicide.

2) The first time you walked away and gave up on us. This was when you were so so so toxic. I dealt with it , i helped you got through it. I told you, i don’t see the bad in people. I’ll always help them rise up and get through it and i wouldn’t give up on them, no matter what. I should have known, i wasn’t a therapist. I was a partner, a lover.

3) When you grabbed my arms so tightly to the point i literally flinch and beg you to let go and you shouted at me. Send me off to school and dropped me a “sorry” text. This. Until today, when you slightly raise your voice at me. I still do get flashbacks of this day. Sometimes i wanna slap myself. I cried in school that day. Infront of aza, even zan was there. Nonetheless, i still defended you. It was my fault, i always make people mad.

4) N level, maths examination. You broke up with me, again. Because of your own demons. You know, i studied fucking hard for that one shot. To go pfp. Maths was all i needed. I could excel in any other subject but maths. Just a 3 or even a 4 could have saved my ass. I went for the examination, i sat for it. No tears as of yet. Told myself “get this paper done and over with thn go and find hadi”. You know what? i fucked that paper. I can’t go to pfp bc of it. But no, i never blamed you. My fault for not walking away when i should. Gave you another chance. Fixed you. 

5) When i got worse, my demons were harder to deal with. My battles got tougher. Once again, you walked away. You said i was toxic and hard to deal with. I never gave up on you when you needed me. Damn. 

6) You left because you claimed i wasn’t giving you space and a chance to be yourself among your friends ??? jealousy issues??? truth is, we only meet once a month. But okay, go off.

7)  At 17/18 years old. I changed . A lot of you may know this. I had enough of battling with my mental health. I changed to be the best version of myself, i gave no fucks to negativity. I was so positive heheh i actually love myself?? no more overthinking. I was so understanding. But you said i changed for others and that i still ruined your life because of girls.....okayyyyyy. You didn’t even changed, You sorta just got complacent and just didn’t appreciate me as much.

8) Emotional abuse. I mean, wasn’t it obvious enough for me to see? dumbo. You told me my death threats didn’t matter because people took me for granted already. Its not as if i have the courage to kill myself either. Broooo, i was so stunned hahaah my death didn’t matter to you and i still didn’t budge??? 

9) You told me you didn’t want to dedicate yourself much to this rs, actually you didn’t even... you never gave me a chance to know your heart, infact, you’ve never opened up to me. 4 years okay??? You told me you’re not ready.  okay but 4 years?? i sorta just forcefully met your siblings, your mum and stuff but you’ve never asked if i was okay with it . I’m only okay with it because, i should be responsible for you? i mean, why should i run away? berani buat, berani tanggung. I’ve been patient. I didn’t ask you to marry me or force us to marriage AHAHAH but i’ve been obedient. When you say no, i’d respect your decision. No matter what i do, i’ll always ask for your permission. Not just inform you, but ask like legit ask. But you? i don’t know what or why, you rather just lie to me so you can go out with your friends... bro, just ??? You once created a fking drama in sec sch when you admitted you were @ this girl’s house when you weren’t. I cleaned up after your shit bro. I got fucked over by a whole lot of your friends and mine. Where were you???? you blamed your demons for it. You hide behind the shadow you’ve hurt. 

10) Little things don’t matter to you. I’ve never received a long texts from you. Ig posts??? tu pun paksa kot. I’ve never heard or known how much i matter to you. You told me you can’t express love. Aite. You told me, your friends know how much i matter to you. Bro, i needed to hear it. Not your friends. It’s me. If you told me, i would have stayed. 

I guess you stopped trying to win me over since you’ve gotten me already. Guess you knew i wouldn’t leave because i’m not brave enough and i needed you to survive. But i’m sorry, i stopped choosing you. I stopped loving you and needing you. I needed myself more. I choose me. And that other person who my heart chooses. I got tired from healing you, if you wanted me, you would have changed on your own will. 

Nonetheless, it’s not your fault. I have never blamed you. I thought i could be like my mum who always sees the good in my dad no matter how fucked up he is. Who always stayed fixing and healing. Who’s always so kindhearted and kept quiet with all the ill- treatments. Maybe, at one point of time, it worked. But our rs was from pain to bliss and bliss to pain. My weakness was always my heart. Like you said, my big heart brings good to people but pain to me. You apologized to me and let me go. You told me you were sorry and you blamed yourself for not seeing my worth and not stopping me. For not fighting for us. You were happy that i finally followed my heart and loved someone else.

I am sorry if i hurt your feelings and took away your hope. I knew i don’t love you anymore. I just never said because sometimes we get attached to things just for the sake of it. Long after we’ve outgrown them. Maybe, its because i owe you my life, you did a noble thing but what i owe you, its just that. Just gratitude. I don’t owe you a marriage. I tried to be the one for you so did you. I can only hope you love your next better than you did love me.  Its been 32 days and i love him more and more each day, not you anymore. Please learn to let go of me and let go of the regret. The hadi i know, doesn’t regret anything nor does he feel emotions. That’s that my friends, i have someone else in my life now and i can only hope y’all learn to love him as much as y’all love hadi. This isn’t to bring hadi down or whatever. I still want y’all to respect him. I still do respect him. So please don’t go and text him and bother him with the ‘why u fuck her up’ texts. I am the one to blame. Thank you hadi, for letting me pursue my heart. For letting me go nicely and for understanding me. For loving me and showering me with so much love. It was a pleasure knowing you and welcoming you in my life. I hope i’ve given you a fair share of good memories. I hope you learn to love endlessly and live fearlessly. I hope you learn that feelings aren’t a weakness. It’s a blessing. I’m sorry if i broke our promise for the first time ever. Our “till the end of our time” promise. What can i say? we were 15. Here’s goodbye to you, here’s to the end of us. Here’s my explanation. Maybe, till the end of our time means till the end of our fate. Our fate lasted for 4 years. And i am eternally grateful for that. Thank you. 

Goodbye. 

[candithedinosaur-blog]

sorry for the lack of art...

im just not feeling very confident lately. i had like five requests from this person who i wont mention and im too scared to tell them how i feel. keep reading if you wanna know what stupid stuff's been going on in my head for the past week. BUT IF YOURE GONNA KEEP READING READ THE WHOLE THING BEFORE YOU KILL SOMEONE so as some of you know, i recently did a live stream drawing the person (lets just call them jam) jams "gemsona." but the problem is, this wasn't their gemsona exactly. he literally just searched up fire opal in google and saw that he liked the design and just declared it his own gemsona. now, some people dont know that reposting art without the artist's permission is illegal, but i dont know the situation between google images and plagiarism so, im not sure if he was allowed to consider it his own. and if you watched my live stream, you could SEE him put into chat "you can make your own design." that just made me feel... furious. and a gemsona isnt a gemsona if its just something you saw on the internet and called it your own and THEN decided to make it a fan fusion. i cant remember if i actually sighed out loud, but if i did, it meant "ok you need to get the fuck out and get your own gemsona and guess what im not drawing that shit." but i try to keep my channel at least pg 13, and im a weak crybaby that is too scared to tell him how i feel. im too scared to tell anyone anything to their face or on the internet how i feel if it might make them have a bad opinion of me, and of course, i didnt want to cause arguments in the roleplay me and some other friends from the internet were in. and thats not all, jam has broken the same rule at least five times. rule number 2. no spamming. and before, there was also conflict with jam and some other guy who ill call draco. oh yea, forgot to mention that im the leader of this roleplay group. i literally had to kick out draco from the group and i made a biiiig mistake when i did that. draco came back and apologized. but that big mistake was, i shouldve kicked the both of them out. i feel bad for making draco feel like he was being personally attacked. so now that all of the group chat stuff is out of the way, its on to the main cause of the lack of confidence and art. so, like i said, jam has requested about five drawing from me, all at different times. he requested a point of the plagiarized fire opal design number one. he chose two pictures and he gave me the first one. so i made a point out of that and he used it for his pfp and gave me credit, yay, points dont take that long to do so it was cool. but there was more details to it. so, he first asked for a drawing of it and i said id make a point because it takes less time and im getting ready to pretend to go to sleep in a few hours. so i decided that i was done drawing on my pc for the night so i sketched a little fire opal point. so i send him a picture with the terrible colored pencil coloring and i said "well im done drawing on my computer for tonight but i can draw it tomorrow if you want" and jam said that he wanted the digital version, which i can see why. so in the morning, here is the average schedule for me : 11:00-12:00 - mom wakes me up 12:05 - we make lunch together and watch who wants to be a millionaire which plays for 30 minutes including commercials and it starts at 12:30, sometimes my dad comes home from work to get lunch, sometimes he doesnt. 1:05 - the chew starts and i either go take a shower and sit in my closet watching jse's the escapist series for about 30 minutes, or i do that without the shower part. 2:00 - im usually completely ready for the day and i have requests read (if any) and i think about what im going to draw since my mom doesnt want me staying up until 3am, she makes me put my phone and pc in her room during weekdays (sometimes she forgets and those days i take advantage) so i usually take my pc at around 2:15 pm sometimes we go shopping, sometimes we dont so when i go to sit in my closet watching yt, jam just messages me saying "hi" me thinking i was smart, i keep watching yt. jam says "can you see this?" and i keep the private dms unmuted incase if theres a problem in chat (the chats muted) for my rp acc they could just ask me personally. i go on instagram, and say "yea" and they legit say "can you make my point now?" i said "oh were going shopping i might be able to do it now bt i might have to do it later." we actually were going shopping and out of sheer panic, i finished changing and did the point. i did that, and then a few days later, he asks for the drawing so i did that on stream blah blah blah. but then he asks me for another point. my maximum for gemsonas are 1 rn. bt this wasnt a gemsona. it was jasper, but with splatoon hair. i dont play splatoon, but jam does. so i make the point AND HE DOESNT EVEN USE IT FOR ANYTHING. LIKE WTF. I COULDVE USED THAT HALF HOUR TO WATCH YOUTUBE. so, yea. then, the last thing. this was the last request and i already had like five at that point (hehe cuz they were points) so i decided to do it last because ya know, it was a full on picture, nothing much. so i dont start on it and he says "did you start on it yet" i said "no not yet im taking a break for tonight" and he knows i had a lot of requests that day. the next day, i sneak into my moms room and i see the notification that says "you dont have to do the drawing, if you dont want to" and i said "ok" just to be nice. and he said "but you can if you want" and i didnt reply. i almost said "oh well i ddint want to do it anyways" but i didnt. because im nice. he literally requested a drawing of himself wih splatoon hair. in the splatoon art style. like tf bro. thats the first time anyone asked for a drawing of them tho so i think im growing as an artist. BUT WAIT I FORGOT THERE WAS ONE MORE i cant remember what the drawing was, but i remember i was in a restaurant about to leav when hes like "so can you make it now" and i was like "no im in a restaurant but ill be home in like 20 minutes" and he said "okay well can you do it as soon as you get home?" and then he said "wait no im sorry i shouldnt have said that. i should have said enjoy your meal and take your time" so i cant remember what i said in return but i think i jsut replied with "okay" and when we got in he car i noticed that google maps said that it takes 30 minutes to get home and i told him and hes like oh geez and stuff. so i did the drawing for him and yea. thats basically it. oh yea, i didnt mention why i havent drawn lately. i havent been feeling good (no im not sick) and i have just been feeling... used for the past week. bt dont freak out or anything, im fine... well maybe not and the reason why i didnt want to put this on youtube is because he subbed to me and i dont want him to see this. well, not like anyones going to read this, in fact some people might unfollow me for this, so yea. you might not see art until next week