#maybe if i say it enuf times

[bisexualgenderfemme]

Logan & Kurt rly truly are stone butch bisexual 4 high femme bisexual power couple...

& as a mlm butchfemme couple that dynamic maps rly neatly onto what I assume mutant butchfemme couples would have.

Logan as the butch is more 'passing' though it's conditional & uses that to hold down a job & navigate social standing, his conditional acceptance allows him 2b a protector

Kurt as the Femme is more of a social reject but they use their social networking in mutant/bf circles as care, they keep their relationship afloat & help Logan take care of himself. They signal themselves as a source of safety for those around them through their visible femme & mutant-ness...

[winxbutbetterimo-ovo]

Funerals

i just watched Dune pt 2 and i loved the scene explaining their funeral customs and that they keep their dead in wells, because water is so precious to the Fremen, that when one of their own dies they extract their water and put it in a well and no one would ever drink it even when they are so in need of water because that is basically their graveyard. i love love love it when fictional worlds have their own way to respect their dead, like i think it adds so much depth. i thought it was so cool and it is so good worldbuilding wise so ye. I also took inspiration from a lot of real world funeral processions

i wanted to put in some funeral customs for each of girl's planets (maybe more in future but for now just these 6) (also these r just basics i have more stuff and ideas, but for now this is good enuf for me)

Andros:

The Lands and Seas of Andros have different funerals. For the Seas, their deceased are turned into bubbles are left to float up to the surface, while for the Lands, their deceased kind of melt into water and flows into the seas. this is another part of their close familial and diplomatic ties because it is seen as though they are taking care of each other's deceased. the People of the Lands make sure not to pollute the air and the People of the Seas make sure not to pollute the waters. Where they are similar, is the length of these ceremonies. these usually last for about 2 days, the first being the day they dress the dead (usually in simple outfits that are kept by the family after the funeral) and say their last goodbyes, and the second is the day they ask the oldest member of their family to cast the spell that will turn the deceased into bubbles/water. the spell needed for these transmutations are widely known. and even if you forget the spell, someone will aid you in remembering it.

Domino:

on Domino, their deceased is burned. it can be a very big public display or a private burning. i wouldn't say they cremate their dead because they do not keep the ashes, they usually let the ashes fly off into the wind. the burnings usually last the entire day, and they Never put out the flame before it is done. it is considered extremely disrespectful to do that because the fire and its warmth is considered the deceased's final goodbye to the mourners there. there is a saying that the fires of people who experienced sudden deaths burn for longer, signalling that they weren’t ready to die. the entire length of the funeral depends on the family and how long their fire burns. most families only take 1-3 days to prepare the body and the place where their deceased will be burned. this can be in a pit, on a table, on a pyre, on the roof of their house, etc. it honestly depends on the family. they usually dress the deceased in reds, oranges, yellows and blues and decorate them in flowers before burning them. also to pay your respects to the dead (before the burning actually starts or even during) naturally red and orange flowers, and sometimes letters written and sealed in red or orange envelopes are used.

Linphea:

In Linphea, when one of their own passes, they are buried in simple brown linen clothing, their hands arranged on their stomach with a seed underneath. the seed depends on the deceased or their family, if they didn't decide before they passed. so graveyards in Linphea are sprawling forests that are sacred. this just adds another reason as to why they don't touch their nature because those plants are their loved ones. they call it "Returning to Nature", so when someone passes, they say "they have returned" because they believe that people come from nature and thus when they die they "return". this process takes a long time (shorter than earth cos the plants are more magical so the deceased are broken down faster) but their funeral itself is very short. usually the dead are returned within the day of their death, Linpheans preferring the whole thing be short. since it is in their belief that whatever plant grows in that area is an extension of the one(s) buried there, so they are never truly gone. before they fully bury the deceased, each mourner throws a handful of dirt onto the body as their final goodbye to their physical form.

Melody:

Because the planet of melody has a lot of different countries and slightly different cultures, their traditions vary. however, the basics remain the same: each country/community/family (family crypts are usually for the well off) has a crypt where their deceased are located. they are usually cremated and their ashes placed in containers that reflect their individual personalities in life (except for babies, any ashes of the deceased that passed before the child learned to speak or reliably express themselves are usually placed in a small white ceramic container with 1 item of importance attached to it) every 8 years, an 8 week period is appointed as the Weeks of the Dead (the entire planet has the same dates), where melodians come together in the crypts in celebration. Music plays at the lively events. different families choose different days in this 8 week period to visit the crypt, some liking to go when the crypt is crowded and lively (most popular days are the 8th day and the 48th day) and others going when the crypts are almost empty for private time (most of this is like for the first time they do this tradition). For some, it’s a chance to pass family news to the deceased and ask for their blessings — for others, it’s a time to remember and tell stories of the dead. they also bring food and drinks to these events, letting the deceased "taste" their food for about 15 minutes before offering the food to the people around or eating it themselves. the music played and food brought depends heavily on the country/community/family. They keep these crypts very clean and any litter left after the events are deeply frowned upon and seen as disrespect.

Solaria:

Solarians dress their dead in the finest clothes the family can afford and place meaningful item recreated with wood in the arms of the deceased. they have very tall platforms/alters where they display (also many times tie down coz the winds are strong up there) their deceased. to them, this is how the dead is witnessed by the suns and moon of solaria one last time. the mourners stand on the platform on the outer rim of the platform (outside the gutters, no one steps onto the part where the dead is placed and burned) and the deceased is levitated above the alter, higher than the tallest mourner for one full day night cycle before being burned (still on the alter). after they are burned away and/or the fire goes out, someone will go up there and kind of clean the platform (only simple sweeping into the gutters that are on the outer rim of the platform) so it is ready for the next funeral. the procession itself includes the mourners of the deceased wearing grey and either flying or being flown very high up with the body of the deceased above them from their home to the platform.

Zenith:

Zenith is the universe's most technologically advanced planet, but their funeral customs are very grounded (with some tech integration of course). it is in a way respecting the roots of all human life. they dress their dead simply in a plain biodegradable material. the procession itself is very slow (and extremely private, mostly the deceased would have a list of people they want to be included in their funeral written down before they passed), it is a journey from the home of the deceased to the funeral site on foot. the deceased is carried by the mourners, but in current times a lot of people use the deceased's favourite robots to carry them. they wear black during this and walk facing down. Techna once told the girls that people on Zenith don't show their emotions, which is a big reason as to why if you walk past a funeral procession, you do not make eye contact or stare. it is a sign of respect for the family of the deceased, kind of like a "i totally didnt see you show emotion there". the funeral grounds are usually on a separate island that isnt touched by technology at all. the family of the deceased are rowed there by boat (kind of like Charon in greek mythology). the mourners will then lay the body somewhere on the island (usually the dead will have some sort of instruction, if not they just leave them just beyond the beach and cover them in vegetation) after that they leave the island in the same boat and spend 4-5 days privately mourning in their house before rejoining society. in recent times, the favourite robot of the deceased is also deactivated and displayed in some part of the house, the family saves videos and pictures in it and it is used like a projector for when the family wants to reminice.

(extra, Eraklyon:

They start by dressing their deceased in their favourite clothes and have them cremated and pressed into gems that people wear on family heirlooms like necklaces or rings or whatever else they choose. This process is usually done in the family’s own homes for privacy sake. And any wake or procession also happens in the house and at most around it. the shape and cut of the gem is also up to the deceased or family. usually there are a lot of gems in a family so the ones on the heirloom are usually the most recent death, and other gems are made into rings and put into boxes. the type of box depends on the family, many do like clear covers with plush fittings, but if you are less comfortable, it could just be in a wooden box you made or a bag. but all families do try to make this container the nicest thing in their house to show respect to their loved ones.

Diaspro's family is as well known as it is because they are the planets equivalent of funeral directors. they do this for a very low cost so that everyone can afford it, but they also have side businesses and dealings that they earn their money from since they have so many connections.)

[pitynostars]

ok so first things first, i loooove gatwa's doctor so much already. if nothing else, i love the masterclass in acting he's putting on, his expressiveness is so impressive. he brings a very fun energy to the role

the church on ruby road has me feeling a bit mixed as well. the plot was kind of meh, and i didn't like how in the alternate universe ruby's mum was just so mean without her. it didn't make sense. like what makes ruby so special, hm 🤨 what's this one white blond baby got that all the other babies in the world don't 🤨 i know the point was to show how much ruby meant to her mum, but like. there are other ways to do it than have a complete 180 in characterization.

i'm honestly not super interested in the mystery of ruby's parentage (which apparently seems like it will be a huge thing unless they're just making stuff up to fake us out, in which case, good on them). but i don't want it to be some big reveal i'm sorry 😩 especially not because if it is, people will bend over backwards to say how great storytelling it is when they'd never say that if moffat did a plot like this. i hadn't even considered the possibility really, when i'd first watched it, i thought it's just not that deep, but maybe i'm wrong. the people who are theorizing that ruby is rose and tentoo's daughter are sooo funny though like

ur only saying that because she's blond and we all know nobody on this show can be blond without being related to The Blond(tm) 🙄

that literally means they abandoned their kid. yes. such good parents 😫

i also feel like we didn't....really get to know ruby that well? i'll reserve judgement to give them more time obviously, and millie seems very green (not a judgement on her, and she and ncuti seem to have a lot of fun energy together) so there's still time and there's a lot of time in general for the stories to get going, and it had to do double duty as a christmas special and an intro episode for both new doctor and new companion so like, my feelings may also change with time. anyways those are my thots for now

yesss i was sold on gatwa very quickly i just hope he doesn't become 10th doctor rehash number 2345932853845 i am so tired. give him something new. also praying him and ruby don't have a romance angle there were a couple of moments in CORR i was like. GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT AGAIN.

CORR plot being meh i agreeee but also xmas specials plot is a lot of times like a wafer and as someone who watched it quite roasted ngl i kinda appreciated it 😂

YEAH omhg tho with ruby disappearing and her mum (i want to say carla??) completely changing as a person??? i get that the point was supposed to be like one little change can make such an impact etc etc as well. but also i was just like. .... ok but what about the other kids wasnt good enuf ???? maybe i'm a cynic lol. but fr have another MORE kids on the wall bc she's trying to fill a gap she doesn't know is from what !!!! IMAGINE.... especially with it being sort of set up as a doctor/companions parallel oh my god

nooo oh my god i know what you mean about rubys parents i like that theyre setting it up as a counter to 13s "it doesn't matter i'm good as i am my past doesnt define me" etc. but i really want it to not be interesting. i want her parents to just be like. normal people who had to make a hard choice lol. oh my god. i just realised. we're gonna go thru a fucking rey star wars arc with her im gonna lose it byee... imagine she ends the series like "im ruby doctor" :) i would quit watching.

but yeah 100% it's gonna be a big thing. atm i dont care but i guess we'll see and hope they do something interesting with it.... prayers she's an alien tbf

rose and tentoo would be terrible parents tbf i said what i said.

YEAH i know what you mean i feel like that about gatwa too i think its hard making the first intro for both an xmas special because it has to be kinda silly and rompy so you cant rlly get too into the grit of the characters?? still reserving judgement on them both, but its taken me a while to warm up to like. everyone in dr who since bill--- wait i take that back i loved bel in flux from like her first scene but she's not a doc or companion.

[geffenrecords]

I still would like to see your stuff about diary of a wimpy kid. hand it over 🫴🏽

oh boy um. okay. so i hauvent posted abt them in a long time but i imagine if youve followed me for long enuf you remember....and boy theres a lot to sayhere

so the context is that like when i was like 14..me & my at the time best friend became just like. obsessed with the diary of a wimpy kid movies. and im dead serious we were obsessed with them. we watched them all the time and talked about them for hours. like im straight up we loved these movies. my only possible defense for what was up with me is that i was really anorexic haha so i was really weird in the head. but anyways, obviously mostly people only talk about those movies because they like rodrick and well looks around yeah. but also ☝️ we were retired glee kids. my friend had previously been the biggest fan of the warblers from glee (who altogether have maybe 8 minutes of screentime) and we were retired newsies fans. we were really cringey fandom kids still & we were really really good at loving total nothing background characters. so !

if you pay attention. in the first movie rodricks band consists of 1 redhead kid on guitar, some emo kid, and some other random guy. in rodrick rules/dog days, his band is two guys named ben and chris (plus bill in rodrick rules and some random kid they found for dog days). chris doesnt have any lines i dont think but he is there a lot in rodrick rules. i dont have any evidence but im like 79% sure he was definitely high during the filming. and if he wasnt hes really good at acting it. ben does have lines though :-) in rodrick rules he and rodrick drive rowley and greg home and discuss what song theyre going to perform at the talent show and he says "dude we'll get to go backstage" at the party scene.

um. anyways yeah. we made them into what was pretty much our own characters and gave them a whole story which is so long and. in all honesty i just forgot so much of i make shit up all the time for it when i do stuff with it now. but its silly and long and to sum it up -> ben works at office max in a mall (i dont think they have office max in malls) and rodrick keeps coming in to print/copy band posters. one night he breaks the machine so he and ben talk and rodrick asks him to join his band. he says yes, so ben and chris join the band which is rodrick and matt (emo kid from the first movie, who guess what doesnt say a single thing. he just stands there and claps at the sorry women scene) also the big joke with matt was that he works at chuck e cheese and hes the guy who wears the mouse costume and ben rodrick and chris all keep going there and pissing him off and eventually he gets mad and yells at them and thats how they all meet. i think thats what we created him for basically. ben is rhythm guitar/vocals, chris is bass, rodrick is drums, and matt is lead guitar. they break up at the end of highschool and reunite after dropping out of college and get world famous haha. just think like really annoying music kids in like 2007 who actually have a successful band...(their song is rodrick rules is good...i promise go look it up).

but ya. its unfortunately such a personal story to me atp that i cant let it go even though im not even friends with that person anymore. and also i dont really care. its funny & i draw them so much now and also. rodrick rules is such a good fucking movie. i dont care its definitely in my top ten favorites im deadass. whatevs.

other noteable things from this is kitty. whos my oc completely but shes chris' girlfriend and we made her up because the whole joke was she pegged him to paramore. hides my face this is just who we were at the time. but i draw her more with my own ocs than i do with chris her boyfriend who is the only reason she exists. i think thats all. im sorry this is so long but ive never actually explained the whole thing. theres so much more but i literally wont stop if i start. go thru the doawk tag on my blog 4 further explanation or ask me...i love talking about them please please.... bonus drawing of them i just did for this👍

[eldritch-spouse]

Hmm I think neomorphs would understand bonds and maybe could bond w humans?? I also think they *could* be smart enuf to understand human culture

Like imagine ur horny and u start shedding ur clothes and the neomorph immediately knows exactly what u want

I think I heard u say this abt breg in one of ur fics, but they would def also make low noises to comfort a mate bc I imagine them as very territorial

I also feel like they could have have a crush on a human if said human took care of them(or they just find them mate worthy) so they try to pursue u.. I remember one scene in a movie where rhe neomorph just stood quietly infront of a human (b4 getting killed oop) literally towering over them.. if I was there and had it staring at me like that I’d feel some romantic tension

Yes, that's what I was hinting at with this ask.

To me, I believe their ability to form bonds outside the species would stem more from the fact that they're the "blank slate" before David 8 starts fucking with them to make the xenomorphs we know. But take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm rusty on Alien lore. Anyhow, I don't think David could have made xenmorphs into such a social/colony-based species if the neomorphs themselves didn't already have some level of surprising social adaptability.

The scene you're mentioning is a tad dubious because the person standing in front of the neomorph was David, who is a synth. Xenomorphs can tell a human apart from a synth, so I'm keen to believe neos can do the same, and they might have hesitated purely out of morbid curiosity. It could also just be the fact that the neomorph had recently eaten, and therefore might not have had as much of a violent drive at the moment. Though the way they reacted inquisitively to David's exhale, as opposed to violently, is a good start.

My idea with that comic was to explore that hypothetical bond a little bit more, this time in a setting where you meet one in a premature stage and experiment with the possible outcomes of raising one of these beings (which makes absolutely no sense from a realistic point of view, but all my brain cells were effectively shut off when I sketched it). You're under the impression his obsession with you is typical of pack behavior, and to a degree it is, but you mean more to him. And that only sinks in when it's already too late to do anything about it. Now, I'm a yandere blog primarily, so of course the neomorph was implied yandere in that comic.

The bond implies that he'll get to know your body through scents and gestures. Just as he'll be able to decipher your intent from the tone of your voice and you'll pick up on the different meanings of his vocalizations. It's a learning curve, but they're very fast learners and extremely adaptive, so you might "synchronize" much faster than expected. Naturally, this would definitely lead to him understanding what abrupt stripping means, or if nothing else, gouge your arousal through some sort of scent stimulus. Mimicry is likely to happen at some point, wherein the neomorph will attempt to reproduce your own sexual gestures in an attempt to behave more like you and further erase any sort of communication barrier.

When it comes to noises, I haven't really thought about it too much, but I like to imagine they might be capable of differently pitched rumbles, judging from that same scene where they interact with David. Not all of their high-pitched vocalizations might be born of hostility/fear/alarm, but if they're quiet around you it's probably a good sign.

I'm on the fence about them being territorial. I can see neos being protective, but I just haven't seen enough to determine if they'd stick to one place and become attached to it.

[clowningaroundmars]

what do u think abt the other burners zodiacs? :o ur headcanons are very interesting! id love to know more!!

geeeee. hmmmmm i actually dont know if i gave enough thoughts on everyones signs yet! i actually stalled on that zodiac part of the meme cuz i just decided it kinda... on the spot. then i finished it and went "hmm yeah, close enuf" and posted it. it started out as "lol wouldnt it be funny if chuck was an august leo" and went from there

but hell, if i did that there then i can do it with the rest of the burners here, right?

here we go

dutch: taurus sun, capricorn moon, aquarius rising (pisces venus, gemini mercury, pisces mars)

am i projecting a lil bit by giving them my sun and moon signs....... maybe. am i correct tho. also yes. the only reason why dutch hasn't up and abandoned the burners yet is probs also bc of their pisces venus and mars. despite all the sarcasm and eye rolling, he really does care for his team! he's a watery artsy lad and that cap moon wants to hide it but it all comes dissolving away once he interacts w ppl he cares abt (tennie, dar, his family, etc)

julie: gemini sun, scorpio moon, scorpio rising (taurus venus, gemini mercury, aries mars)

julie being a gem sun is very stereotypical i know but trust me on this one. she seems way too calculating to be a fire sign, but she does have that lil flame burning underneath those hundreds of layers she puts on. it's what mike saw in her when he accepted her into the team despite everyone else insisting he didn't :') also scorp moon cuz she seems to be Trying Her Best with emotions but Yikes™

texas: aquarius sun, taurus moon, sagittarius rising (aries venus, pisces mercury, aries mars)

what more can i say.... he's a Weirdo, he's an oddly emotionally intelligent weirdo. his taurus moon does a LOT of heavy lifting and he seems to be ruled by neptune to me cuz i mean.... *gestures vaguely* so yah. pisces mercury definitely doesn't help when he wants to convey anything remotely serious. plus his sense of heroism doesn't seem to come from wanting to steal all the glory, which is where i think his aqua sun and sag rising help out with

BONUS bc i actually just realized i didn't give mike's own personal planets

mike: sag sun, aries moon, taurus rising (aqua venus, pisces mars, aries mercury)

despite how much flack aries mercuries get, i can See it in mike, he's always straightforward with his thoughts (except for when he Badly conceals his angst lol typical aries mercury i would know, after all i am one OUCH) and jumps into fights very quickly. but its for ppl he loves, so its okay LOL it's his pisces mars that reigns him in most times, otherwise all that fire in his chart will burn the whole country down

chuck's own signs in case anyone missed it: leo sun, virgo moon, gemini rising (virgo mercury, cancer venus, cancer mars)

now at first glance i know everyone will see these signs as a "jittery nervous talkative dork". and lemme tell ya, he is all of those things. but. cancer mars can shelter a LOT of explosive and protective anger, which is exactly what i see in chuck. this dude is PISSED like all the time, and all he wants to do is go home (lol cancer homebodies) and just... be safe. keep his loved ones safe, too. yuh

thx for reading this word vomit LOL i still love my children so thanks for the ask! it made me think Many Thoughts abt these children again which is always a treat :)

[captainarchmage]

Independence Day, UK

Declaring Independence from the Far-Right %$#@

Again I didn't want to make this blog about politics, but given events I have to. It's election day in the UK, and I had my vote in the post a long time ago. Specifically, I voted for the Liberal Democrats, because they had a decent standing in this constituency and explicitly said they're going to try to reverse Brexit. Reaction GIF below.

That doesn't mean the EU will accept, or that the deal we'll get will be the same as last time, but it's a critical move to fixing wrongs. Without rejoining at least the Single Market, Customs Union, and getting freedom of movement back we're going to be having issues with our own supply chains that won't go away. They can't go away, because we're not self-sufficient, because self-sufficiency isn't on these islands all it's cracked up to be, and because setting ourselves out as being a "global player" requires us to be able to easily trade and work with our biggest and most reliable partners, which is to say Europe.

If you're voting today, and are reading this, you should take care to understand what that *means* in terms of action as a citizen. Obviously if you live in Scotland, vote SNP, as they've taken a sensible stance on this and have always been for remain and rejoin in recent history. If you live in Wales, vote Plaid Cymru, for similar reasons. If you live in England, there's no explicit "English National Party" that is for working in a civic manner, but you have a choice between the Green Party and Liberal Democrats, and mostly the latter. Corbyn in Islington (and a few others) - I don't think Corbyn's stance on Ukraine is good, but that doesn't actually matter as he's likely not going to be a kingpin in making any of those decisions. This is about sending a message to the other reactionaries, and will cover this later.

On the matter of Ukraine... if anything DOES happen and Ukraine starts to fall back, this invasion is coming here. That's what history says. There's a lot of excuses, but the fact Russia launched a massive invasion in February of 2022 indicates they're not going to stop. The global conservative movement is behind these people, because something about "transgender anarchy in Ukraine" or "wokeness", according to the talking heads, or for that matter just genociding the Ukrainian people which is literally what's being said on Russian telly.

If Russia gets Ukraine, then they'll push westward. That's why it has to stop in Ukraine, and without Ukraine giving up any land. You know what would also help with defending Europe? An EU Army. This is why we need to rejoin, so you vote for a party that's going to put us on this path.

Note from the list of parties, I exclude from this Labour, as Labour has attempted to court the same socially conservative, anti-migrant, and prejudicial element responsible for running the Conservative Party into the ground. The Conservative Party already had issues before it swallowed the agenda of this reactionary element, but things in Britain took a steep downturn after brexit, with the disastrous handling of the pandemic, and finally the "markets" (hardly a communist creation) finally cracked when the agenda of CPAC-attending Liz Truss was launched. All this at the whim of this "reactionary element". You know, maybe it's better not to court those people AT ALL? At some point you gotta say enuf is enuf, not that it wasn't plain obvious beforehand where that agenda was going.

Trying to placate these people is... how much better than trying to placate people like Putin or The Former Guy? Seriously, people tried that. It didn't work, and none of the systems we thought would snap in to play or individuals we relied on to take action did. It didn't work "last time" either, save for the British PM to arrange re-armament of the country without relying on an alliance of countries that it turned out were quite fascist-curious as well. At least, however, Chamberlain acted in a manner that admitted this was not a long term solution and the push would come to shove. We don't seem to have that notion anymore. You know what's a good idea? Making sure they don't have "their guys" in Parliament in a significant number.

The advantage of getting rid of both Conservatives, and Reform, and knocking them into at least third place (if not fourth place), is that it also ensures these parties don't get a bullhorn in Parliament as they will not be the official opposition. That's due to Parliamentary rules. It means eliminating them from the running. Quite possibly this means the "end" of the conservative party, which is the "ultimate prize" here. It means making sure the main parties in coming decades are ones that are liberals, environmentalists, and civically-minded. Given that Labour seems to be in course for a large majority based on polling, giving your vote to other parties that are more progressive, more internationalist, understanding the coming challenges, more competent, and are also not so willing to let a vocal reactionary minority derail them, is a good idea.

And regards not letting a vocal reactionary minority derail a party, this is critical. How do you deal with these people? You don't give them an inch and you say the buck ends with you. Backing down in any sense of the word is weakness to these people. It's not going to give you any respect, and it may well not give you their vote, or actually telling these people to get stuffed may give you their vote, or you had their vote already and you didn't need to do anything about it. Ask yourself why these peoples' idols are often autocrats and the like. Don't ask me to make it make sense. Their view is more in line with "might is right" than any enlightenment ideals. You don't think like that, I don't think like that, but these people do think like that and you "act accordingly". The sooner you start pushing back, the sooner you free yourself from their %$#@.

Go Vote, and make it Independence Day from these people.

[yakeisoda]

Hello, just wanna start this off by saying that I love your art. I've decided to ask my favourite artists for art tips as I wanna get into it, but no matter what I do it never looks right. So, any tips?

HELLO TYSM!!! ngl i dont think im the best 4 this question im also kinda in a rut rn where im not really satisfied w my art n craving more progress and improvement but im getting there somewhat but very slowly! (ive been this way for a rly long time naow) this might be long but im gna try n throw in the things ik, sorry if my thoughts r messy im not the best in articulating stuff :')

i think a good way to start off is to find out what skill you lack the most or what you want to improve the most on, say for ex: u wna focus on getting better at composition for illustrations, then a good way to improve them is to learn about the composition rules (ex: rule of 3rds, etc), look for any scenes in films/animation or photographies and storybooks , study them and recreate it! go crazy !! ive done a study on a friend's picture before, and have asked my friends if i can use their photographies as practice!

looking for inspiration will also improve ur visual library, they can help u find what u wna put in ur art ! like perhaps certain color palettes or styles, it's best to look at different mediums of art instead of focusing only on one, sometimes u can find techniques meant 4 u! (ex: of this is my friend who used to be a watercolor artist, ive observed them using watercolor techniques when they were still new to digital art! basically mix n match whatever feels good/convenient 4 u :] )

disciplining urself is also good to have more improvement! i have trouble w this the most ever since bc its hard 2 focus if no one is like there to monitor u (in my experience), if u rly wna make progress u have to squeeze in some art practice time in ur schedule, it can be around 15-30 mins or even 3 hrs, completely up to you! (rmb to take breaks!). you can give urself deadlines if that will help n maybe timers too!

my prof always said "Proper practice makes perfect", so it's also best to practice with a clear goal in mind, take notes on the things u lack and if ur watching any art tutorials/speedpaints, take notes of those too! it's good to have something specific in mind so u wont get lost n u wud know what u wna do! it helps u retain info as well so u can look back on stuff, to avoid overwhelming urself u can just focus on small bits first, ex: in anatomy, u can focus on the head area first, break it down to drawing eyes and noses, etc! then u can move onto the torso area!

USE REFS!!!! make use of pinterest or any other refs u can find, cannot stress this enuf go crazyyy w references, make a moodboard full of referencess n go crazzyy w them!! i used to not like doing this bc i just head straight in to drawing bc thats what i was used to but art college trained me 2 use refs bc they help so very much, theyre like ur guideline for what u wna make so u have a clear goal in mind, also photobashing seems like a great practice too never tried it but yes it can help when ur planning an illustration/concept art!

^above also applies to art styles! go crazy n experiment w them!! i think its so very fun to explore diff art styles n not stick to 1, again this depends on u but having a different range of artworks is rly fun, u can go from very pastel soft colors n style, to smth very vibrant n sharp, to smth like dark n chalky-sketchy kind of vibe if im making sense T__T, basically go wild!! go crazy!! dont let urself sit in 1 box! hop into other boxes !! or wear all of them!! or poke holes in the box n add stuff to the box or wear a circle!! trust me it looks so fun if u put different artworks uve made side by side n go wow i did that!!

also create small thumbnails 4 illustration! its really best to plan ahead art too, as i said i used to just head straight in n not plan but ive learned to absolutely enjoy planning making art! collecting refs n seeing what kind of composition goes n what colors wud work is so very fun actually! it rly helps a lot

theres also this one post i lost the link, but basically it shows how much progress u can make if u make loose sketches vs full on rendered illustrations vs a mix of both, again this depends entirely on u bc things r different for everyone! i think that post is really good for teaching abt art progress (if any1 knows where it is pls do link!), i think focusing on sketches n practice is better tho bc it helps u draw more freely n loosely! i think that speeds up ur process more as well n doesnt make u lose interest immediately compared 2 focusing on finishing 1 big rendered illust (talking from experience) but then again its different for every1 so honestly just experiment n see what feels right for u!

i wna say tho that although it is good to make sure ur drawing looks right its also good to just let yourself draw freely, i think what matters is that u understood the structures of something and as long as ur able to apply that in ur own way i think thats gud! i think drawing freely helps u draw more fluidly? like having more expression is what i mean. ive gotten into the "i have 2 make this look right" hole before n i noticed it made my art look stiff, so highlyy recommend doing gesture drawing n life studies! rmb to have fun when practicing n learning,

dont pressure urself too much! enjoy the experience :] ! messy sketches r good!! not everything has to look good or perfect! my sketchbooks from way back were just doodles, pencil sketches no color mostly, theres an occasional lined one w markers , ballpen, n some highlighters, n my drawings were either smth funny that happened w me n frens with our personas or making ocs for my faves or ocs for me in general!

ur sketchbook doesnt have to look pretty its like ur diary but its art ykno! ur thoughts in visual form for the day! (again all up to u as long as u have fun! its all different 4 everyone!)

anw tysm again!! sorry if this was all over the place HAHSAW i tried my best but these r the tips i keep in mind most of the time or the ones i hold closest to me n that i try to apply as much as i cud! if u need anything else clarified just lmk! not the best w words but hopefully it helps :'')! most of the stuff i mentioned here i also need to take into practice HAHWHAW so mb its gud 4 me to write this down so i can finally push myself to do stuff,

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

dont have aspd but i like never had emotional empathy growing up (yay mix of autism and childhood situations that caused me to unlearn/block off emotional empathy) and i've never felt remorse and i only get small twinges of guilt i can easily brush aside, but i watched drrr at age 17 and showed it to my family and having all of em be like "yo ur just like izaya" (my mum was like "yeah if i hadnt been super careful how i raised u, 100% u would've turned out worse than izaya" which. uh considering before izaya the chara i related most to was azula from atla. fun to hear). and it me caused me to be like "oh shit maybe i should like learn empathy". i didnt realise i had cognitive empathy or that it was even a thing so i spent a few years teaching myself emotional empathy and man it suuuucks. worst decision i ever made. now i spend time being like upset for other ppl? when i used to just, be able to intellectually understand things sucked for them and help em out w/o feeling anything and so i wasnt emotionally bothered/drained afterwards. whereas now i like, spend time crying over other ppl? exhausting and terrible. it hasnt improved me as a person at all, im dont actually care abt things any more than i used to, and i think cognitive empathy is by far the most useful and practical out of the two. im not saying u shouldnt listen to ur therapist, i just kinda wanted to get that off my chest and not be judged?

WANNA MAKE CLEAR i am not judging u i just have always always always wanted to use this meme for as long as i have known of its existence

and what ur describing is literally exactly why i worry abt emotional empathy and feeling remorse like. maybe i'm fine existing this way. maybe i don't want to be fixed!! i get that itd make me more palatable and easier to get along with or whatever but i'm a person too!! what about me?? everyone will have conflict at some point; what about me makes it so that all chances of that need to be hammered down?? i'm a person too- what about what i feel is right for my own emotional state???

fun facts my fiance liked me partly because i reminded him of izaya. idk if you know enough of my blog to know my Lore but: he knew me for a day thru roleplaying and i wanted to know him outside of a rp context, and he was talking abt liking psychology. i then challenged him to diagnose me, yaknow As You Do, and in a Public Server he went "oh you have aspd, don't you?" totally innocently, he had no idea abt the stigma

i ofc denied it because i wanted him to like me and also was sixteen, but oddly enuf the aspd traits are (partly) Why He Liked Me??? not in a fetishistic way but just like, accepting that was part of my personality that doesnt need to be hammered out and like, not acting like Total Full Remission It's Like It Was Never Even There is the only end goal worth chasing like. maybe i dont wanna fully remiss maybe thats my choice and i have fuckin, command over my own god damned mind body and life!!!???

also fwiw: i dont know the rest of your symptoms but you having autism and the symptoms coming from trauma don't negate the possibility that it's aspd so id suggest looking into it more! even if a therapist said you didnt have it, they can be kinda..... stupid about aspd lmfao! don't look on quora and don't look on reddit nothing good lies behind those walls

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

I dare Kibin to send Kuripa a naughty picture of herself.

Hm...!

!!!??

What’s up!

NOTHING! Just...Sorry, I need to take this!

Who’s calling?

None of your business, scram!

Ow, hey, watch it!

*Kuripa kicks Makoto in the ass to get himself some privacy. He looks back to his phone at his DM’s and starts typing.

[So...did you mean to send that?]

[Maybe...Why?]

[That’s bold of you~]

[Someone has to wear the pants in this relationship~]

[Bitch, u ain’t wearing any pants. Or anything for that matter~]

[Did I get u at a bad time?]

[We just got some news delivered from FF, gonna hear it out.]

[Thanks for the pic tho. Don’t say it enuf, but ur really pretty. Ima cherish this pic]

[Thx~ And don’t overexagerate]

[Not! swear!]

[Actuially...]

[Want me 2 send 1?]

!!!??

[Yes.]

[Aces. Send u 1 later. Luv u.]

[Ubeter. Luv u 2.]

(I love that bitch so much...)

[emperorblargus]

Independence Day, UK: Declaring Independence from the Far-Right %$#@

So it's election day in the UK, and I had my vote in the post a long time ago. Specifically, I voted for the Liberal Democrats, because they had a decent standing in this constituency and explicitly said they're going to try to reverse Brexit. Reaction GIF below.

That doesn't mean the EU will accept, or that the deal we'll get will be the same as last time, but it's a critical move to fixing wrongs. Without rejoining at least the Single Market, Customs Union, and getting freedom of movement back we're going to be having issues with our own supply chains that won't go away. They can't go away, because we're not self-sufficient, because self-sufficiency isn't on these islands all it's cracked up to be, and because setting ourselves out as being a "global player" requires us to be able to easily trade and work with our biggest and most reliable partners, which is to say Europe.

If you're voting today, and are reading this, you should take care to understand what that *means* in terms of action as a citizen. Obviously if you live in Scotland, vote SNP, as they've taken a sensible stance on this and have always been for remain and rejoin in recent history. If you live in Wales, vote Plaid Cymru, for similar reasons. If you live in England, there's no explicit "English National Party" that is for working in a civic manner, but you have a choice between the Green Party and Liberal Democrats, and mostly the latter. Corbyn in Islington (and a few others) - I don't think Corbyn's stance on Ukraine is good, but that doesn't actually matter as he's likely not going to be a kingpin in making any of those decisions. This is about sending a message to the other reactionaries, and will cover this later.

On the matter of Ukraine... if anything DOES happen and Ukraine starts to fall back, this invasion is coming here. That's what history says. There's a lot of excuses, but the fact Russia launched a massive invasion in February of 2022 indicates they're not going to stop. The global conservative movement is behind these people, because something about "transgender anarchy in Ukraine" or "wokeness", according to the talking heads, or for that matter just genociding the Ukrainian people which is literally what's being said on Russian telly.

If Russia gets Ukraine, then they'll push westward. That's why it has to stop in Ukraine, and without Ukraine giving up any land. You know what would also help with defending Europe? An EU Army. This is why we need to rejoin, so you vote for a party that's going to put us on this path.

Note from the list of parties, I exclude from this Labour, as Labour has attempted to court the same socially conservative, anti-migrant, and prejudicial element responsible for running the Conservative Party into the ground. The Conservative Party already had issues before it swallowed the agenda of this reactionary element, but things in Britain took a steep downturn after brexit, with the disastrous handling of the pandemic, and finally the "markets" (hardly a communist creation) finally cracked when the agenda of CPAC-attending Liz Truss was launched. All this at the whim of this "reactionary element". You know, maybe it's better not to court those people AT ALL? At some point you gotta say enuf is enuf, not that it wasn't plain obvious beforehand where that agenda was going.

Trying to placate these people is... how much better than trying to placate people like Putin or The Former Guy? Seriously, people tried that. It didn't work, and none of the systems we thought would snap in to play or individuals we relied on to take action did. It didn't work "last time" either, save for the British PM to arrange re-armament of the country without relying on an alliance of countries that it turned out were quite fascist-curious as well. At least, however, Chamberlain acted in a manner that admitted this was not a long term solution and the push would come to shove. We don't seem to have that notion anymore. You know what's a good idea? Making sure they don't have "their guys" in Parliament in a significant number.

The advantage of getting rid of both Conservatives, and Reform, and knocking them into at least third place (if not fourth place), is that it also ensures these parties don't get a bullhorn in Parliament as they will not be the official opposition. That's due to Parliamentary rules. It means eliminating them from the running. Quite possibly this means the "end" of the conservative party, which is the "ultimate prize" here. It means making sure the main parties in coming decades are ones that are liberals, environmentalists, and civically-minded. Given that Labour seems to be in course for a large majority based on polling, giving your vote to other parties that are more progressive, more internationalist, understanding the coming challenges, more competent, and are also not so willing to let a vocal reactionary minority derail them, is a good idea.

And regards not letting a vocal reactionary minority derail a party, this is critical. How do you deal with these people? You don't give them an inch and you say the buck ends with you. Backing down in any sense of the word is weakness to these people. It's not going to give you any respect, and it may well not give you their vote, or actually telling these people to get stuffed may give you their vote, or you had their vote already and you didn't need to do anything about it. Ask yourself why these peoples' idols are often autocrats and the like. Don't ask me to make it make sense. Their view is more in line with "might is right" than any enlightenment ideals. You don't think like that, I don't think like that, but these people do think like that and you "act accordingly". The sooner you start pushing back, the sooner you free yourself from their %$#@.

Go Vote, and make it Independence Day from these people

[spockasmr]

picard s1 "thoughts" and i use that word v loosely

i preface this all by saying that i might just not be in the right mood lol and that maybe i wasn't paying enuf attention

didn't feel particularly egregious. just didn't really care most of the time. the synthetics thing didn't compel me enough and seemed very anticlimactic in the end. romulan displacement too had no follow through 4 me. in the end everyone forgives starfleet for everything i suppose

didn't like jurati. like at all. soz

the most interesting things started to drive me insane because of how they skipped over it between episodes. raffi descending back into old habits bc of her son = something that happened offscreen between episodes where she locks herself out of her replicator. rios seriously convinced that raffi is a double agent for the romulans = resolved between episodes with no fall out at all

similarly i suppose the whole thing where the sisters imply that elron does not belong with them and basically elron getting tossed around because he attached himself to lost causes which would've felt more impactful if he also wasn't frequently the butt of every joke because Lol he doesn't understand

all attempts at humour did nothing for me. that's on me maybe but it felt like bad writing most of the time. i did enjoy rios and crew playing dress up for that maddox bit. that was the most fun i had

not going to pretend that seven having to kill icheb did not hurt. or hugh dying like that.

the evil romulan sister was sexy even if she had no depth beyond a throwaway line towards the end about how this is what her parents fought for.

if you read this then im sorry. anyway

[clamdove]

decided to make a timeline of the classic* sonic games, in case anyone cares

(to be clear, this is just a headcanon. i will vibe with what official sources say whenever i Feel Like It)

tails adventure [sonic and tails have not met. i suppose this could also take place after/during sonic 1]

sonic 1 (genesis)/sonic 1 (8-bit) [if these are indeed 2 different stories, i dont rly think itd matter which came first]

sonic 2 (8-bit) [sonic knows tails but has not yet learned the spindash]

sonic cd [sonic has learned to spindash, but tails is not yet capable enuf to accompany him (also sonics sprite is still the one from the first game but that probably doesnt actually mean anything)]

sonic chaos/sonic & tails 1 [sonic feels comfy bringing tails alogn with him and has learned to spindash, but the 7th chaos emerald doesnt seem to be a Known Thing yet]

sonic triple trouble/sonic & tails 2 [i suppose you could argue this takes place after 3&k since knuckles is present and the 7th chaos emerald is a factor but its meant as a sequel to chaos/s&t1 so im putting it here]

sonic 2 (genesis) [sonic can spindash and fully trusts tails, 7th emerald is a factor, death egg is A Thing now]

sonic 3&k (sonic & tails's story) [sonic still has the emeralds from 2 at the start, death egg is still A Thing]

sonic 3&k (knuckles's story) [death egg is gone, knuckles & robotnik are enemies now. maybe the reason you dont actually fight robotnik directly is bc hes still recovering from his last defeat]

heres all the games that go Somewhere in my timeline but idk where:

sonic blast takes place sometime after 3&k [knuckles helps sonic, maybe the reason robotnik's plan isnt as grandiose is bc yet again hes still recovering from his last defeat]

tails sky patrol happens sometime after he meets sonic [hes described as wanting to go on an adventure without sonic, if he hadnt met sonic yet that part wouldnt occur to him]

sonic labyrinth takes place at the same time as tails sky patrol [sonic has defeated robotnik multiple times at this point, tails has met sonic but is absent]

knuckles chaotix takes place sometime after 3&k [knuckles tries to defeat robotnik, metal sonic has been repaired which means this probably takes place a decent amount of time after cd]

sonic the fighters takes place sometime after knuckles chaotix [death egg 2, espio is there, metal sonic has been repaired again]

sonic 3d blast takes place sometime after 3&k [sonic, tails, and knuckles are friends]

sonic mania takes place sometime after sonic the fighters [heavy magician disguises as bark & bean which wouldnt make as much sense if the cast hadnt already met them in stf]

and heres a list of all the games i know i didnt include:

sonic generations

sonic forces

sonic drift 1 & 2

sonic r

sonic spinball

sonic jam (game.com)

mean bean machine

segasonic the hedgehog

segasonic cosmo fighter

sonics schoolhouse

sonic x vapor

sonics bonus game

the lcd games

waku waku sonic patrol car

segasonic popcorn shop

sonic eraser

unreleased games

blue sphere [i dont even think this counts but i have a feeling someone would bring it up if i didnt]

knuckles in sonic 2 [ditto]

flicky [ditto]

dynamite bros [ditto]

sonic 4 [ditto]

*"classic" is defined based on Vibes, not when the game was released (hence the presence of generations, forces, and mania)

[stevebabey]

somewhere only we know

a/n: i accidentally made this so long & ran with the request in whatever way my heart desired! hope this is enuf hurt/comfort for all ur needs <3 word count: 5.6k summary: You haven’t seen Steve in a few weeks, barely a couple phone-calls keeping your relationship beating. You assume the worst. Steve does his best to make it up to you. [hurt/comfort + miscommunication + established relationship]

It’s hard to not think he’s avoiding you.

Steve never seemed the type of boyfriend who would be foolish enough to ice you out without so much as a word about something being wrong. He wears his heart on his sleeve — more than anyone you know.

You’d also like to think you would know. That by now, all these months together, you’ve would’ve somewhat memorised the twists and turns of his emotions. But if he’s dropped any clues about being upset with you, you certainly hadn’t picked up on them.

You think you’d prefer his iciness to this odd avoidance.

It has to be that he’s upset, you reason. You would prefer he’s upset; that’s fixable, doable, and completely normal for a couple. The alternative is harsh, a cruel thread of insecure thoughts; perhaps Steve has suddenly decided he doesn’t have time for you.

And it’s a lot harder to pretend that thought doesn’t sting terribly.

And look, you pride yourself on being a logical person. You’re not jumping to conclusions and you aren’t overreacting — at least, you really hope you aren’t. The suspicions aren’t unfounded. It doesn’t stop you from feeling a bit too unstitched, like an obsessed girlfriend who keeps too close tabs on her boyfriend.

Maybe it only feels that way because Steve isn’t checking up on you as much as he used to. The healthy two-way road you both shared has suddenly become, agonizingly, one-way.

You’ve been trying not to count the days apart, nor note the shortness of the calls — just a couple weeks ago, he was talking your ear off and rounding up the phone bill, so what happened? It follows you around, a soft weight that presses your shoulders down, til it leaks in every second thought like a sleepy poison.

You don’t want to be jealous. You don’t want to be clingy.

It’s criminal how you don’t know that Steve would love nothing more.

When it gets to one week without seeing him, some of the worry transforms. You let it turn you away from him, some part deep inside that doesn’t want to get hurt putting up the defenses early, just in case, and you throw yourself into work. Worry about trivial things in your everyday life instead of about him. You give him his space.

One week becomes two. 

You’re not sure what mixture of feelings bubbles up when he calls on Tuesday morning. It feels like resentment, which you desperately shove down — combined with relief, with happiness, to be hearing his voice again. Even if it’s just down the phone line.

“Hi Stevie,” you say into the phone, the affectionate name slipping out, pure habit.

Your grin, an instant result of hearing his voice, fades a bit. You remind yourself to rein in it, an echo of thought that you’re too clingy forcing its way to the forefront of your mind.

“Hi, angel.” He coos back over the line, melting at the sound of your voice. It’s been too long since he’s seen you — he practically sags against the wall, gripping the phone tighter as if it’ll bring you closer to him.

It’s been hectic. He’s been training the new hire at work, since Robin back at school, all while hustling to get in his application for the local community college. On top of that, he’s trying to wrangle the moving details of the new apartment he finally managed to get his name down on.

Hectic feels like the understatement of the century to Steve.

He could tell you — and god, Steve really wants to. But a bigger part of him wants to see the surprise when you realise he’ll have a place that’s all his. No more sneaking through windows or quiet kisses interrupted by someone getting up in the night; an uninterrupted space for his love. Somewhere only the two of you get to know.

He ignores the part of his heart that wants to ask you, sometime in the future, not just yet, to come with him. To make his place yours as well.

For now, it’s all about the surprise. He’d planned it from the beginning, since the moment the keys to the apartment had been pressed into his palm. Steve wanted to treat you, to some swanky candlelit dinner for Friday date night, roses at the door, the whole nine yards, instead of a usual movie date.

The pet name softens you. Something inside eases and you wonder if have been being dramatic — he doesn’t seem different, seemingly unaware of the distance. Hearing his voice makes you miss him all that much more.

“How’s your morning been, huh?” He asks. He could ask how your last couple weeks have been considering how long it’s been since he’s found time to come to see you. He gnaws at his lip, trying to ignore the ache in his heart, and hopes it’ll be worth it.

“It’s been good! I mean as good as-“

A knock sounds at Steve’s front door and he curses, interrupting your reply. You pause, waiting to hear why he’s interrupted.

“Shit, I’m so sorry I’ve gotta— there’s someone at the door.”

Your throat tightens uncomfortably and you swallow it down, praying it won’t come out when you speak. Your voice is thankfully even when you say, “That’s alright. Go get it, just- just call me back later, yeah?”

“Later, definitely,” Steve promises, feeling terrible for having to hang up on the first conversation he’s had with you in too long. What kind of boyfriend is he? He has half a mind to ignore the door, just to keep talking to you — but the knock comes again, more insistent.

If it’s Henderson, Steve swears he’s gonna kick his ass.

“I love you.” His voice says down the line, voice sweet and it’s still enough to kick your heart into a flurry. You feel a bit more settled hearing it and grin, even though he can’t see it.

“I love you too.”

It’s not Dustin at the door— it’s Eddie, flaunting a grin and a gesture to his rust bucket of a van parked in Steve’s drive. Both are here at Steve’s request. Taking all his boxes in the beemer would ensure more than a dozen trips across town. And even with all his excitement to be out of the Harrington house, Steve’s sure it would take all but three trips to tire him out.

Eddie’s a bit early, a far cry from his usual tardiness, and Steve curses his sudden change of habit, today of all days. He tells Eddie as much as he tapes up the last of his open boxes.

Eddie, ever the charmer, let’s Steve direct what to grab and what to leave without much lip, much to Steve’s relief. They talk, a light banter thrown between them, and Eddie asks all the right questions; When’s the first party? What courses is he taking? What lewd favour does he have to do for Steve to let him host DnD there on occasion?

By the time the last box is in the car, Steve shoving Eddie for the mere suggestion — “you can host if you ask like a normal person, dude.” — the phone call is long forgotten.

It’s not his fault, not really. There’s a special frenzy in filling the hardwood floors of his cramped new kitchen with boxes of his stuff, a euphoric buzz that only comes with molding a new space into a home.

By the time he’s unpacked what little he owns into the space — the kitchen only has one pan, two mugs, both gifted to him by Dustin on separate Christmas’, and one or two plates he thought his parents wouldn’t notice missing — it’s late.

The only piece of furniture in the place is some shitty couch he and Robin had dragged off the sidewalk the day before. It’s a bit gross but not so much that he could refuse something free.

Steve sinks into it, drinking in the sight of the empty boxes strewn around his new apartment. Something in his heart glitters happily. For the first time since Eddie showed up at his door, Steve finally relaxes.

It’s 11.41pm and all he wishes is that you were with him.

The phonecall.

Just as quickly as it slipped his mind, Steve remembers it. The memory of it sinks into his stomach heavily and quickly, punching out a breath. His insides twist up with blackened regret as Steve thinks back to how many hours ago he’d promised to call you back. His eyes flash to the watch on his wrist.

He deflates a bit, seeing how late it is. Even though he would — he’d call you at 2am, hell, whenever you asked him to, just to talk — Steve won’t wake your whole family just to apologise.

Shit, he thinks softly and screws his eyes closed for a moment. There was no telling what reaction you’d have, given he’d accidentally blown you off like you were some one-time date, not his girlfriend — hot anger or maybe, icy silent treatment. Nancy had done that to him once; her jaw tight and narrowed eyes giving away her anger even though she insisted I’m fine, Steve, so just drop it.

It’s made all the worse considering he hasn’t seen you in a couple of weeks. Regret feasts in his gut. All of a sudden, keeping all this moving a secret seems colossally dumb. Steve knows you would’ve jumped at the chance to help him move.

It’s an anguishing thought to imagine — the fact the two of you could’ve been unboxing this next chapter together. You’d work up a sweat from the exertion of moving boxes, random fly-aways sticking up and god, Steve would think you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. And then he would’ve coaxed you down to the couch with his kisses til he was sure you knew it too. 

If he wasn’t so set on surprising you, maybe instead you’d be here with him now, nestled in his arms.

Instead, Steve’s alone and you’re across town thinking god knows what about him.

A groan fights its way out of Steve’s throat, dozens of thoughts spinning off each other on how to fix this. How can he make it up to you and make sure you knew he was still thinking of always.

But sleep had to come first.

— 

You’d never admit out loud how long you waited for the phone to ring.

After a certain amount of silence, you’d slowly bled back into your jobs around the house, never straying too far from the phone. You’re not sure what it is that fizzes under your skin but the longer the phone stays quiet, the more it stings. The distance between you and Steve feels yawning.

It rings, only once, and you leap for it — only to get your heart gets washed down the drain at the voice of one of your mother’s friends.

It makes getting up for your Wednesday morning shift seems an impossible feat.

He likely got busy, you have to remind yourself painfully. The Steve you knew would never, never purposefully leave you hanging. You hate the thought that pings into your brain, wondering if there really was anyone at the door. That he told you so he could escape the conversation quicker because he was avoiding you.

That, perhaps, this wasn’t your Steve anymore.

You have to repeat he called you to yourself firmly, trying to drown out the self-doubt. It doesn’t work.

It feels like something final has been decided by Steve and you’ve been left in the dark, grasping at straws. You can’t help but believe that the worst has been confirmed, that Steve doesn’t have time for you anymore. You feel grossly over-attached to him now and know that if you have to pull away, each thread connecting you to him will pull and hurt.

His phone call, Wednesday afternoon, right when Steve knows you’ll be home, doesn’t ease you much.

“I‘m—” He sucks in a huge breath, loud enough you can hear it over the phone. “—so unbelievably sorry that I forgot to call you back. Honest, I promise I had a really good reason to get distracted. I’m so so sorry, It won’t happen again, I swear, scout’s honour.”

The rambling words, tinged with nervousness, manage to persuade a smile out of you. The relief that washes over you feels charged, a bit overwhelming, so much that you can’t keep your voice even when you respond. 

“That’s okay.” You say a little weaker than you intend.

It makes the regret in Steve’s gut twist up a little tighter. It’s gut-wrenching to consider another reaction, that maybe you’re not angry with him but upset. Steve thinks that this is decisively worse. 

“Fuck, sweetheart, I—I’m really sorry.” He insists again, despair leaking into the words. He presses the phone closer. “Please let me make it up to you?”

“Sure.” You say, aiming for nonchalant but the word comes out too tight in your throat. Cursing yourself, you barrel on in hopes to keep Steve talking. You don’t really want to give away how much his distance has affected you. “What was it that distracted you, hm?”

“About that.” Steve chuckles light, beginning to feel his excitement wind up at the prospect of showing you the new place.

The original plan to wait til Friday, to do the proper date, is canned. The giddiness of his new place can’t be contained and there was no one he’d rather share it with than you. And fuck, he misses you.

It had been the last thing he had decided before drifting off to sleep, one of his last nights in his parents’ home. Rain or shine, whether you were angry or not, Steve needed to see you tomorrow.

“Are you free?” He asks, even though he knows you are. By Wednesday afternoon, you’re always free because he usually swings by and takes you out for shakes.

Eyes screwing shut, Steve holds in a wince at the realisation he’d missed that tradition with you for the last two weeks.

And you hadn’t mentioned a word to him.

His heart tears at the thought of you waiting on your doorstep like usual, while he’d been too preoccupied to even remember. He doesn’t want to think about how long it took you to realise he wasn’t coming.

“Can I come see you?” The words burst out before you’ve even answered his first question. It doesn’t matter — seeing you, feeling your touch again, and getting to deliver every kiss he’s saved over the past week takes top priority in his mind. “I promise I’ll—“

Steve thinks he might be cursed because this is the second time he’s been interrupted on the phone with you. This time, however, it’s a very specific hum of a car pulling in the drive; the engine sounding far too smooth to be Eddie’s.

Pulling the phone away from his ear, Steve whips around to peer out at the drive. A stone drops into his stomach at the sight. Beside his BMW, his parent’s car is parked in the usually vacant spot. Fuck.

They had told him they’d be gone a whole extra week and Steve had wanted to be out before they returned — to have everything he needed at the new place before his father decided he needed a lecture and a friendly rough-around on the way out as well.

“Steve?” Your voice warbles out the phone, pulled back from his ear. Steve jumps to attention, remembering himself.

“Baby,” he breathes into the phone, suddenly broken from his prolonged silence. You’re a bit concerned at this point, between his sudden cut-off and now hurried voice. “I- fuck, I have to go. I swear this—”

He groans, pent-up frustration leaking in as he hears the lock enter the front door, announcing his parents’ arrival.

How can he explain all this in the five seconds of privacy before his parents burst his bubble? Steve’s parents didn’t even know about you; dating was strictly a business prospect in the Harrington House. Steve had known from the beginning they would’ve never approved of you.

“Um, okay.” You sound a bit stiff and too casual. “That’s- that’s fine.”

“Please believe me,” He rushes out, eyes fixed on the front door as it opens. “I wouldn’t go if I didn’t absolutely have to.”

It doesn’t matter if they grill them about who’s on the phone, Steve needs to say i love you. Needs to hear it back.

Silence. No response from you. He’s talking to the dial tone.

— 

Your head is a storm.

Conflict rages wildly, a heavy thunder that might be your heartbeat — your anxiety has kicked it up a couple beats — and flashes of lightning, striking terrible thoughts, all contained within your head.

The fact Steve was the one to call you is too weak to keep your head straight. It hurts pathetically, to think you’ve been forgotten. Neglected by someone you hold in the highest regard — and he hadn’t even been able to tell you why. Another phone call where he’s clearly got more important things on his hands.

You didn’t want to hang up on him, not before the usual i love you’s; but if you had waited, then he would have heard how watery it was. Heard the quiver in your voice. And he’d drop everything, all his obviously very important plans, to come see you.

You don’t want him to come over because he’s made you cry — you want him to come over because he wants to see you.

It’s such a simple ask. The fact you think he’d deny you it, too busy, feels heavier than you’d ever imagined. Your pillowcase becomes well acquainted with the taste of your tears as you bury yourself under covers, trying desperately to keep your heart intact.

What happened to your clingy, always touchy, forever wanting you around, boyfriend? It aches to think that that chapter of your relationship may have passed.

Tiredness overtakes your misery at some point, drifting you off into fitful sleep that doesn’t provide any rest.

You’re drawn out of it a few hours later, soft touches that feel like Steve because you’ve felt them dozens of times before, memorised without thought — but Steve is busy or avoiding you, or some third worse thing you don’t want to consider. You shiver off the ghosting pressure in your hair.

A murmur of your name.

The touch of his palm, pressed against your hairline, startles you a bit when you realise it’s real. Your eyes pop open in your surprise, taken aback to find Steve before you. He’s here. 

Crouched by the bed, his hand pushes the strands of your hair back from your face with a gentle touch. He looks as upset as you feel, brows scrunched together in the middle— a frown pulls his lips down, eyes glistening with hurt. He’s upset to see you upset.

“Hi.” He whispers, all soft.

It’s dark out now. Hazarding a guess, you’d say you’ve been asleep for a couple of hours, aided by your exhaustion from crying. You can feel it, eyes stiff and nose still sniffly. It feels pathetic and so you roll in on yourself, tucking your face into your pillow for a moment.

You give yourself a moment to breathe, to gather words to speak to him without falling back to tears and asking outright why he doesn’t like you anymore. Steve’s hand, still stroking soft as ever, coaxes your face out of hiding, his thumb dipping to press warmth along your temple.

“What—“ It comes out too scratchy and you clear your throat. Steve’s hand still soothes your skin, thumb light and loving. “What’re you doing here?”

You don’t need to ask how he got in— Steve’s come in through the window enough times that the movements are all muscle memory. He chews his cheek in deliberation: where to start?

You’ve obviously been crying, a heart-wrenching fact that turns all the more foul considering Steve knows it’s because of him. Maybe even worse is remembering the conversations that had been clipped short, paired with his absence of the last couple weeks. He hasn’t been taking good care of you.

“Had to come see my girl, of course.” He says, low and sweet. His frown pulls up into a weak smile, fingers travelling down cup your face. His thumb catches the first tear that escapes, unbidden, and something alike to horror streams through his system.

“Sweetheart,” he dotes, emotion clinging tightly to his words — his thumb dutifully collects the next tear, as if it makes up the fact he’s caused them. “Wha—“

“Are we okay?”

You have to ask. You can’t handle another affection-soaked word out his lips if there’s still a possibility it may be the last time he’ll give them to you. Your heart aches unbearingly to ask, to even suggest the idea alone and tempt fate, but you have to know.

Steve’s eyes widen, lips parting and for a moment, he’s shocked into silence. It’s like each nerve alights in his body, a flush of physical pain at the mere suggestion you’re making.

You think the time apart is purposeful. Shame follows, scattered scolding thoughts at his carelessness for ever letting you think so. You won’t even look at him, eyes trained on the sheets. 

He faintly recalls being on the other end of this treatment; when Nancy had run around chasing monsters and left him to wonder why she’d decided to leave him out all of sudden. Like Steve, she’d had a perfectly good reason to do so — and yet seeing you like this still unravels the stitching of his heart which falls apart pitifully in his chest.

Every pet name soars to his mind but instead, he just says your name. 

You still don’t meet his eye. As gently as he can, Steve lets his fingers drift to your chin and coax your attention to him. Steve’s forever been about touch, he can think of a thousand different ways to apologise with a brush, a caress, a kiss — far better than he’s ever been at words. He leans in, slow and meaningful.

If you were upset normally Steve would wait, hover, and let you decide whether he’s allowed to steal a kiss. But right now you don’t need his hesitance, you need this; the sweet press of his lips that leaves no room for thinking anything else.

It’s weakening tender. You let the curve of his bottom lip come home to its place between yours.

He kisses you strong, so the fervor in his affection can’t be denied, to banish every thought that lead to your question of are we okay? All his pent-up kisses of the last weeks, all promised to you.

“Yes,” he breathes as he pulls back, still close enough to feel the heat of him. Steve watches your lashes flutter, eyes dance around his face, and settle on his own. “Please don’t ever think we aren’t.”

He kisses you once more and when you chase his mouth, he grants you another gladly, without thought. His lips graze up your face, a warm kiss to your cheek, to your nose, and a final one dropped onto your forehead.

“I’m sorry you thought we weren’t.” He murmurs into your hair. He’s all but encased you — nothing exists but the duvet and Steve before you, hands in your hair, lips on your skin, the scent of him curls comfortingly into your senses.

“I’ll forgive you if you come cuddle.” You grumble with a smile, happy to let yourself lean into his hand, soaking in the closeness. It’s not entirely true — you want answers, to know what has been eating up his time. But being in his arms, a hold you’ve missed for weeks now, will sate you if only for a bit.

Steve breaks into a smile at your words, eyes darting to your window momentarily. He licks his lips.

“Actually, I was hoping to show you something.” Steve suggests though it’s more a question than an insistence. “Show you what’s been keeping me from my girl.”

If you had said no, shook your head, or even just pulled back the duvet, Steve would’ve shucked off his jacket and had you bundled in his arms in an instant. He can see the ticking of your brain, eyes weighing up the tiredness alongside the curiosity of what’s kept your boyfriend from you.

Something in his poorly contained excitement, bottom lip cherry red from him he bites it, sways you.

“Okay.” You mumble, still softly spoken. You nod your head lightly, eyes scanning over his face to drink in the fondness you’ve craved for weeks. “Yeah, s’just wanna be with you right now.”

Your words manage to soften him even more, a ripple that melts through him. Torn between elation at the love and devastation that he’d been the one to keep you both apart for too long.

His thumb sweeps across your cheek once more, crowding back in to press a kiss to your forehead, murmuring his next words into the skin. “Course, honey. C’mon, lemme show you. Promise it’s worth it.”

Your fingers intertwine with his, strong and sure. The small time apart seems to spur you both closer, giggles spilling as you both clamber back out your window, Steve’s hands never parting from yours. The grass is cool against your ankles as you scramble out, stumbling into his chest when you lose your balance — relishing in how it only makes him tug you in tighter.

Even as Steve starts up the car, golden headlights illuminating the empty road, he only untwists his fingers long enough to put the car into gear. There’s nothing but the grumble of the engine, streetlights flashing past, and the cool leather seat beneath you.

At each turn, Steve lifts your hand and kisses along your knuckles, soft and warm. You think he’s still apologising. His eyes seem to be asking for forgiveness, glittering in the dark.

When your hands land back on your lap, this time you’re the one to lift them and brush a kiss along his hand. I forgive you. His grip tightens in your hand.

You’re not sure where you’re heading, too focused on your boyfriend to take note of the route — and it still doesn’t click even when Steve parks outside one of the downtown apartment buildings.

It all feels so juvenile, like giddy teenagers sneaking out, letting Steve pull you across the empty night-time streets with a giggle. The wind wraps around your bare legs, crisp and cool. You hadn’t changed before you’d both left.

It’s only when he spins his key ring around deftly, searching for a specific key, does something slide into place in your mind. Your eyes stare up at the building ahead, then at the keys on Steve’s key ring; he seems to be watching you in his peripheral, waiting for the shoe to drop. He’s smiling.

“Did you...?” You gasp quietly.

Eyes wide, you stare up at Steve and can’t finish your sentence. Your heart trips over itself in its excitement as you finally figure it out. Steve’s grinning now, only taking his eyes off you to insert the lock in the door to the building; he can tell you’ve figured it out now.

The lock makes a clunk as he twists the key, unlocking it. It feels like so much more than opening a door — it feels something akin to unraveling a thousand potential futures, all with you and Steve together in them. Everything about his absence makes sense, a jarring shift in perspective as you realise what he’s been doing all this time.

“What floor?” You ask, sounding a bit breathless already in your excitement. Steve pushes the door to the lobby open, holding it for you to pass through. There’s an elevator but you book for the stairs, clutching his hand the whole time. The lobby door snicks shut behind you, unheard.

Your footsteps clatter loudly, likely waking a few residents, but you can’t find it within you to care. Your thighs burn by the time you reach the top of the first set of stairs and whip around, finding Steve’s adoring grin following you. His hair is a little mussed from the rush.

He nods to the next staircase, fingers squeezing yours excitedly. “One more.”

Steve’s never been happier to let you drag him around, your excitement palpable in the energy of your run. It’s a far cry from your sleepy state earlier.

When you reach the top of the stairs, Steve takes the lead and your flurry of laughter follows him all the way to his new door. The pair of you crowd against it, tangles of arms and lips because you’ve suddenly decided it’s criminal to not kiss him right now.

It’s messy and rushed. You’re back is pressed against the door and Steve kisses you til your knees are weak, hot and hard, even as he tries to wiggle the lock open.

The moment it’s open, you both tumble in a clatter. You kick off your shoes and leave them at the door, spinning to drink in his new place. It’s barren, just a couch, not even a coffee table. You decide it’s already your favourite in the world.

Steve lets you go, watching as you zoom around the space, sliding into the kitchen with a gleeful sound that is far too noisy for the hour.

You’re pulling at every cupboard, leaving a row of open cabinet doors — it doesn’t matter that the apartment isn’t anywhere new, each of them seems endlessly interesting to you. Steve decided he’s had enough of watching, toeing off his shoes and skidding into the kitchen.

His arms around your middle surprise you, some yelp of shock that immediately fizzles into more laughter when Steve picks you up. It’s a halfhearted spin, more to hold you than anything and before you can spin and kiss him like you so desperately want, he’s taking you both down the hall.

Positioning you both in front of a door, Steve pauses. You think you know what door this is. A kiss on your temple. Another on your shoulder, one on your neck. He leaves his face there, nuzzled in closer, and gestures to the door with a jerk of his chin.

“Open it.” He murmurs, between another round of scattered kisses. Like it’s your new bedroom, not his.

Like the rest of the apartment, it’s more empty than not. A poorly made-up mattress against the back wall, beneath the window, and a few bags of clothes scattered throughout the room. You can recognise the forest green duvet cover on the mattress, familiar sheets.

It still smells like Steve when you bury yourself in them, Steve falling down beside you not a moment later. You relish in it all, being surrounded by all things Steve. You’ve missed it all in the weeks apart.

“You’ve certainly been busy.” You mean it as a tease— the fact he’s managed to wrangle down an apartment along with his job and organising college, it’s no wonder he hadn’t found time to see you.

Seeing how his grin dims, eyes drooping, you have no doubt it’s been weighing on him too. “Again, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. That last phone call—“

He sighs, rolling away from you and pushing the heels of his hands into his eyes. A groan rumbles out as he drags them down his face, remembering how you’d hung up on him just earlier today.

“Baby, it’s okay,” you hush him, dragging away his hands to cup his face with your own. His face still holds conflict, the tale of his day unwinding off his tongue before he can think.

“My parents came home early.” He admits, a bit weak. “I was trying to get everything out before they came back— you know how, uh, how they would’ve taken it.”

His eyes close, nose scrunched, just for a moment before he continues. “Eddie had just left to take the mattress over and I called you but that’s when… Well, that’s why we’re just on a mattress on the ground.”

Your light laughter hoists Steve’s mood upwards, feeling himself smile as he watches you beside him on the sheets. You shuffle closer, draping yourself across him so your cheek lays against his chest.

“We can get you a new bed frame.” You say like the prospect is more exciting than it is annoying. Steve adores how you say we — that you’ll come with him, pick things out for this next part of his life. Intertwine into the things he owns now, as well as in his heart. 

“I’m sorry for hanging up on you earlier.” You breathe a little softer, and then as if it’s just delayed from the call, you say, “I love you.”

Some part of him that Steve can’t ever seem to shake sighs in relief. Today is not a bad day at all. You’re here, in his arms, in his new place and you love him still.

“I love you too.” Steve hums, arms pulling tighter around you. “And I’m sorry for making you worry.”

When you look up at him, really look, his eyes are shining. His shirt is rumpled, hair ruffled from your tangle onto the bed and he looks utterly beautiful. It just won’t do. You shift upwards and when you kiss him, it’s hard and fiercely loving. Too much saved affection coming out in one go.

Steve sighs happily against your lips, arms tightening and when you break apart, Steve nearly asks then and there. Come with me. Make this our bedroom instead of just mine. We’ll make this somewhere only we know.

It’s not the time. Instead, he whispers his i love you’s onto your lips and when he spills all his half-baked plans for dates and the endless possibilities of the new space, when he promises to never worry you like that again — you’ve got no choice but to believe him.

His endless kisses won’t let you believe anything else anyways.

tags below!

@hawkinsindiana @spideystevie @harringtonbf​ @televisionboy

[transmutationisms]

Hello Camille. Normally I wouldn't send this as an ask, but I feel like this might be of your follower's interests. I have just realised that there is an intersection in cannibalism, Roman's negative oedipal complex, his attraction to men and catholic rites, and that's holy communion. Why is he, as a man, on his knees consuming the flesh of another man? Maybe he's spent enuf time in the confessional and it's time for communion. Myabe eating dick really could fix him...

okay yes i've spent a lot of time thinking about this and to me it really does come back to "you eat me, i eat you." said to gerri, his father figure (business mentor, ticket up at waystar, turns him on by calling him disgusting, etc). conflating love with cannibalism with oral sex. like i think he really is offering to suck gerri's dick. could he go through with it? doubtful. does he know that, though? unclear.

if you wanted to go extra insane with this you could point out that one of the first things he says to mencken is calling him "the ghost pepper" ie, a food, but one that's too spicy. then he comments on mencken's christianity---presumed catholicism because of shiv's 'integralist' line and roman crossing himself in the mirror, which cements the association between catholicism and fucking-eating. mencken as the saviour figure, relative to atn; roman as the disciple come to ask him for salvation (roman phrases this as him "taming" mencken, but.....)

plus there's lukas's line about "reaming people; juicing them like oranges" which both echoes something shiv and tom said about logan at tern haven (so again, lukas as father figure) AND flips the dynamic: roman's partner now implying they'd eat him. and lukas is the guy asking roman for emotional intimacy and to talk about his weaknesses. roman perceives all of this as a threat, the same way he would someone literally cannibalising him.

and then of course the iconic line about eduard's neck smelling like cotton candy and roman wanting to lick it. both of them acting as their fathers, though eduard much more successfully than roman. so roman wants to eat him, but settles for drinking with him instead (im pretty sure he orders the same beer as eduard, though). their affair ending after logan disapproves of the football club in dundee (because they bought the incorrect, specifically protestant, team rather than logan's catholic one) and then eduard turns out to not really be the kingmaker in the hostage situation in turkey. a disappointing father figure for roman.

so yeah to put it all together. roman deifies logan. he also wants to symbolically fuck/marry logan. and he wants to eat of the body of christ (logan) and be redeemed. and so, when we look at his 'partners' and the way he talks about sex and domination, we do find this motif with him of talking about eating people as an act of communion. both communing With Them, and communion in its stricter catholic sense. wanting to eat as an act of taking another man (his symbolic father) into his own body, to have that man's flesh become his own flesh. terrified when lukas implies he'd do it in reverse, very obviously turned on by mencken's overt fascist masculinity and general aura of domination and power.

again, could he actually, in his heart of hearts, eat dick? certainly not while there's a logan in his head, telling him to get straightened out and to find kerry attractive and so forth. but. hypothetically. would eating dick Save him? i mean. it would certainly, at the very least, be a new opportunity for him to synthesise his food issues and sex issues. he needs to eat only the correct things to reach transcendence: fruit; the body of christ. if he could successfully convert his lover's body into the body of christ, and if he could confront his desire to symbolically marry his father without invoking the logan shame spirals that prevent him from actually fucking anyone......... well maybe it's best we just never find out............

[wawawawawawawawawawawawawa]

It wasn’t even a cardiologist who prescribed them to me either!!! In theory they were supposed to be a safe bet because they had been prescribed to me in the past (for social anxiety,, by a psychiatrist who didn’t gaf abt me,,, & I never even really took them).

But that was before I found out they could cause hallucinations!!!! And sometimes??? something else called Toxic Psychosis???????? Don’t know what the FUCK that is!!!!

I’m also still supposed to see a cardiologist and get one of those 24/7 halter monitors, but I just keep putting it off.

(It’s bad I know - but I gotta call and make an appointment and then drive across town to MAYBE get the fuckin thing)

Also Metoprolol is another one that is known to more commonly cause hallucinations and stuff too, since both Metoprolol and Propranolol are both lipophilic agents.

| Metoprolol 🤝Propranolol |

Psychological warfare

This covers it better/goes into it more ->

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7292560/#:~:text=The%20phenomena%20of%20nightmares%20and,monoamine%20and%20metabolite%20of%20serotonin).

- 💛

YOWHAT my first peracription for propanolol was ALSO for anxiety, ALSO by a psychiatrist who didnt gaf abt me!!! i told the story a while back but she treated me like i was [SLUR REDACTED] once she pegged me as autistic and tried to UNdiagnose me with aspd and diagnose me with bpd. the SECOND TIME SHE SAW ME!!! like its clear she just thought i had bpd bc i was autistic and traumatized and she saw me as a woman and That's The Traumatized Girl One!

do i aktually have bpd? iunno, i cant trust these cucks!!! i do have some traits of it tho nglllll but just traits teehee. funny enuf i had an oc back in 2018, way before my diagnoses, who had aspd/npd with bpd traits. what in the foreshadowing

ANYWAY toxic psychosis sounds like some new buzzword the narc abuse people made up. i am afraid to know what it ACTUALLY is bexause it sounds really very not good

GO SEE THE HEART DOCTOR!!! the sooner u get ir it done the sooner its OVER WITH!!! also if u get the kind that sticks to ur chest, tape it down when u sleep or wear a REALLY tight shirt, otherwise itll peel in the morning. like the tape tjar keeps it on u yk. tell then ur having CHEST PAIN. doctors donf fuck around with chesr pain. if u can somehow trigger a heart episode in urself that would also be poggers. anything to get them to listen but yeah say u have CHEST PAIN and u can feel ur heart beating in ur chest. worked for me!!!

also ty for the studuy!! ill read it 2morrow and make sure to NOT get metoprolol cuz ion want a repeat of the SAME ASS PROBLEM or worse.......a worse peoblem