#maybe if i played it irl and had to actually properly play it id get it but idk anyone who actually plays

[spiritinflight]

also embarrassing that i’ve played hours worth of poker on rdr2 and ive learnt nothing i use an online calculator to play it cos i legit just don’t understand it

[1loer]

i watched girl interrupted because of your post and id love to hear more about the au, it sounds very neat!!

GLADLY first of all. You're Welcome. Secondly

I dont think my AU would stray very far from how things pan out in the original movie. BC Komaeda (at her worst) would be as volitile as Lisa is in the movie. I'd like to think that something that changes maybe is if I have Nanami as Jaime, it'd be her suicide that properly pushes Komaeda over the edge. I don't like to fridge Nanami like that though, but i unfortunately also think it works, esp. w/ their relationship being sort of similar in canon as to that. If Komaeda had or believed she had some sort of hand in her death too- AGGHH I think perhaps Komaeda wouldn't attempt to escape as often as Lisa does in the film. If she did, it'd just be to see if she /could/ do it rather than a genuine attempt at escape. Whereas Lisa believes that she doesnt belong there, and thats adds to why she wont get better, Komaeda would believe its safer that she is there, so wont work to get better bc she wants to stay there bc she likes the comfort in being ill.

I actually spoke about this w/ @/biteattack, and biteattack made the differentiation as where Lisa is very loud and charming, but Komaeda would be a lot quieter w/ her manipulation. Their relationship would basically pan out exactly like it did in the first chapter of SDR2, with Hajime trusting Komaeda without realising she's playing right into her hands. Much like Susanna, Hajime wouldn't believe there was anything wrong w/ her. Hajime would also have BPD in this AU, but her symptoms would be a lot more prominent than Susanna's in the film (there is a whole side argument to be had here over whether Susanna in the film actually had bpd. Many ((including the irl Susanna who wrote the book)) believe that it was a mis-diagnosis just due to the time-period it all occured in.) But while inside, Hajime would find an understanding and peace there that she never found anywhere else. ESPECIALLY from Komaeda. Hajime would attach herself to Komaeda instantly, both from Komaeda wanting that to happen and also because, just like in canon, Hajime wants to understand Komaeda so she can better understand herself. But she wouldn't realise that Komaeda's behaviour towards her is actively making her worse.

Ofc, bc its me, I can't help but add Mikan into the mix and make her relationship w/ Komaeda rocky and hateful as Fuck. Komaeda would probably help Hinata escape bc Komaeda would convince Hinata htat theres nothing wrong w/ her (<wrong) and that she SHOULD get out. Komaeda would be so jealous of Mikan bc she got out, and would be spiteful as fuck bc she'd see Mikan as someone who needed to be kept inside, and would not understand why she would be allowed to live so freely and think she was delusional, nad would (just like in the film) rile her up enough that she'd kill herself and AGH- I HATE THEM

The biggest betrayl would be when Komaeda realises that Hajime is actively trying to get better, just like in the film. Komaeda would see it as a personal slight, I think. But underneath it all would be jealousy. That'd be the centre of Komaeda's character, and hope would be the centre of Hinata's.

It's highly toxic and doomed. 0 happy endings. Hinata would visit Komaeda and paint her fingernails red, just like at the end of the movie.

That;s just me spitting off the top of my head and from what me and biteattack talked about. HONESTLY this all started just because I think Lisa and fem!Komaeda are the exact same flavour of sexy HJOAOHUROEGHOUETHOTEOHTH. I haven't watched the movie in a while, so its just from what I remember too. I think Yukizome would be Nurse Owen, and Monomi could be one of the other nurses bc i think thats cute and silly >u< It's not well thought out, its mostly vibes. I could iron out the mess and maybe one day i'll write something short for it but for now i have other projects I want to focus on.

IM SO HAPPY MY STUPID POST I MADE WHEN I WAS BORED IN WORK MADE U WATCH THAT FILM THO ITS SO GOOD!!!!!! if ur further interested in it, the book is rlly easy to read too, and a lot more grounded in reality. It goes more into what Kaysen's mental illness really presented like. The film skips over a LOOTT of it. Ofc, its no where near as explosive or exciting as the movie,but they had to ramp up the stakes and characters and such to make a cohesive story out of it. But i'd still rlly recommend reading the book!

[mithliya]

Hihi middle school story anon again (do you know which I am actually? SjDjfkd idk!!) but omg so weird, I had a dream about that girl bc I had been thinking about her again a lot and it made me feel a bit sad but a bit uuum. it was cute

It was like we were in middle school again and i was following her around again and seeing if i could go on her bus so we could hang out together after school .. i think we were playing with a hose? like just. watering each other sjsj, and then at one point she had rest her head on me djdks which made me feel very ;-; when i woke up bc ive never gotten to like actually enjoy having a crush on someone irl... if it makes sense... or have any kind of irl romance 😭 all ive had so far was a ldr but i realized it was so distant and mostly like... not as real as id want :(

but djsjs anyways, WAIT i remembered another one of my short lived middle school crushes just now. Maybe i will tell it... maybe

But also, im sorry people keep bringing up your past trauma and constantly saying youre not a lesbian :/ you dont deserve that and like realy... obviously some people are insecure in themselves if they are SO dedicated to proving "menalez is actually a government agent faking being a lesbian to... get a bunch of weird lesbophobic comments from strangers on the internet. i know this because of her top secret blog..... where she is a 15 year old abuse victim. Exposed debunked" or whatever the argument was

Anyways hope you feel alright 💜

middle school story anon is that the anon following that gnc girl around in middle school??? hiiiiiiii!!

also i feel u :( when i was more inexperienced and single id have so many dreams like that and sometimes id be SOOOOO SAD when id wake up. id even try to go back to sleep just so i can go back 2 the nice dreams of me on a date w a woman... one time i dreamt i had a date w rebecca fox (that one insta model) and it was sooo nice and fun. was sad to wake up :(( it was random tho bc i didnt have a crush on her in any way ever but w/e...

anon one day youll get to have proper dating experience!!! u come off as quite young to me, am i right? i was basically inexperienced until i was 19 and then i had a horrible sexual experience w a woman but not long after i finally started dating properly and got to kiss several women and it was great!!! u will get to experience similar one day (minus the horrible sexual experience, hopefully)

also thats basically their argument minus the govt agent fdhfhs if they think im a govt agent too then thatll also be a wild addition to the lore about me. thank u anon ur v sweet <33 manifesting more cute dreams of u dating women

[zodiyack]

Men-Sitting (700+ Follower Special!)

Pairing: Colson ‘Machine Gun Kelly’ Baker x Female!reader

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, me not proofreading

Note: This is my final Follower-Special (until I hit another goal) and I just wanna say thank you so fucking much to all of my followers, readers who don’t follow, random people who stumble across my blog, friends irl and online, thank you so so so much. I never thought I’d make it past 100 followers to be honest, so this is really big to me heh, and I don’t even know how to thank you guys- I love you all so so much, please stay safe, take care, and yeah. Again, thank you!

Taglist: @matth1w, @redspaceace​

Masterlist

“Are you sure you have everything?” Y/n asked, for what Colson felt like was the thousandth time.

“Yes, baby, I’m sure. If we forget anything, one of us can stay with Casie while the other goes and gets the thing we’ve forgotten, alright? I promise, we’ll be okay.” His hands ran up and down her arms in a comforting way, the smile on his face having a similar effect as what his hands were attempting to achieve.

“Thank you.” She leaned in to kiss her boyfriend, but was interrupted by a squeal and little arms wrapping around her waist.

“Y/n!” Casie yelled excitedly, causing the couple to separate. The woman opened her arms and bent down, picking Casie up and hugging her tightly, a series of kisses finding their way to the little girl’s face.

“Hey there Cas! Are you gonna enjoy your trip?” The girl nodded, allowing Y/n to pull her up fully, wrapping her legs tightly around her waist. “Take care of your dad for me, okay?”

Casie nodded again, “I promise!” 

Colson sputtered out sounds, pretending to take offence. Unable to find the right wording for his feigned hurt, he gave up and grabbed Casie from Y/n, kissing her on the head before leaning over and kissing Y/n as well.

“We’ll miss you, right Casie?” The eight year old smiled and gave a small, “yea” before leaning over in Colson’s arms to hug Y/n again. He set her down, whispering in her ear to grab her stuff before he stood up again to kiss Y/n goodbye properly.

Their lips touched, then parted enough to speak, “Stay safe, alright?” Her fingers grasped his blond locks, they leaned in until their foreheads touched.

“Alright, I promise, we will.”

“So Casie, what do you wanna do first?” Pete raised his brows as he asked the girl, grabbing things from his suitcase to put in the hotel’s coat hanger part of their room. “Wanna eat ice-cream?”

“No.”

“Watch cartoons?”

“Nope.”

“Play a game?”

“No thanks.”

“Ummm...” He continued popping up questions, most of which he assumed a child around Casie’s age would want, but in truth, he really missed doing all those things. Eventually, he tired out, giving up with a groan as his back hit the bed. “I don’t know anymore kid, I’m all out of ideas.”

“We could listen to my dad’s music?”

Colson had gone to the store to get dinner, not something he’d forgotten, but something he’d promised to do. Buy food for their trip while they were there. The brunette bit his lip while he thought, even if it was different from his expectation, there was nothing wrong with listening to music instead, was there?

“Oh? Uh, yeah sure.” Pete leaned over to grab his phone, pulling up a random song of Colson’s and turning the volume up. He watched with amusement; Casie was dancing around and singling along, enjoying herself.

Maybe he misjudged Casie, or her age-range.

After a few more songs, Colson finally came back, arms full of bags filled with different assortments of food, beverages, and treats. The first thing Casie did was reach over to grab at one of the bags, examining it’s healthy contents with a grin.

“I’ve never seen a child so happy to see the opposite of junk-food in my entire life.” Pete snorted, walking over to help his best friend put everything away properly. “Casie, you want a candy?”

“No thank you. But can I have an apple?”

Even Colson turned his head towards the girl, the confusion laced through his brows as they scrunched, “You alright, Cas?”

“Yep. So is that yes or a no?”

He exchanged a look with Pete before tossing her the red fruit, mumbling something about how weird it was as he shook his head. Colson grabbed himself a small lollipop, popping it into his mouth and sitting next to Casie on the bed.

“So, what do you want to watch?” He grabbed the remote, flicking through the channels aimlessly. He paused on kids shows, only to receive a shake of the head from Casie. “You guys actually watch this shit?” Colson paused on one of the children’s shows, the look on his face displaying his incertitude.

“I don’t. Can we read instead?”

Colson’s head whipped to face his daughter so fast, he thought he broke it. “Who are you and what’ve you done with my baby girl?” Part of him was just trying to be a goof, but the other half was truly puzzled.

His phone began to ring, Y/n’s caller ID popping up. A smile made home on Colson’s, as well as Casie’s, lips when the beautiful bright e/c eyed girl appeared on the screen. “Hey baby!”

“Hey Y/n!”

“I wasn’t talking to you Colson, but hello to you too dork.” Hearing her laugh was worth the playful insult. ”So, Cas, you taking care of the boys for me?” the girl in question nodded, grabbing at the phone, only for her dad to pull it out of her reach.

“Not to be rude, Y/n, but why’d you call?” Pete sat next to the father-daughter duo, looking at the screen. “Also, where are you?” She was in a car, different from where the boys expected her to be at this hour.

“Well, since you guys are out, I decided to go shopping,” Y/n held up a candy bar, “so yeah. Hey, Casie, keep those two idiots safe, okay? I’ve got to go, love you all!”

She hang up, leaving Colson and Pete with a very uninterested looking Casie. The tv was still of no interest, the candy and others likewise. A heavy sigh escaped Colson’s mouth. He’d finally given up and gotten bored himself. Pete, however, came up with a theory.

“Dude, maybe Y/n put her up to this?” both guys sat up quickly as he continued, “I mean, she did seem mostly focused on how we were doing and if Casie was keeping us safe...whatever the fuck that means.”

Casie’s expression switched from neutral to one of horror for a quick second, until she corrected herself with a blank roll of her eyes. Noticing it, Pete smiled victoriously. He’d caught her. “Guess your game wasn’t as sneaky as you wanted it to be. Colson and I caught on in like, less than a day-”

“Actually,” the door creaked open, all three turning to face the door, “I think it was, Davidson.” 

“Y/n!! It worked! I got ‘em good!” Casie jumped off the bed and ran up to her father’s girlfriend, jumping into her arms and hugging her tightly.

“Yes you did! You did amazing, baby!” She reached into one of her back pockets and pulled out the same candy bar she’d shown in their facetime, handing it to Casie with a pat on the head, “Here’s the promised payment, princess.”

The three adults couldn’t contain their laughter with what came next; Casie’s unintentional comedy was too much for them, “Oh thank goodness! I had to eat an apple, Y/n! An apple!! Can you believe that?!”

[innittowinit]

Can you pick me up? my uni burnt down (Chapt. 2)

Relationships: Sleepy bois inc (all fics i write are platonic)

Summary: 

 In which Techno goes to England for University, his building catches fire in the night, and he isn't prepared for the difference in climate between England and California. SBI fluff ensues

Chapter summary: 

After waking up, Wilbur has the great idea that they should do a sleepy boys stream. Tommy doesn't get told about this id

Words: 1785

Language: English

AO3 Chapt. 1

Listen, waking up on a sofa, with a thin blanket shared with 3 men was never going to be the best morning. His back hurt and his legs were numb from Wilbur having sprawled out over the three of them as he slept. 

Stretching his arms back, he recounted the events of last night. God, it really was only a few hours ago, he was so tired. Had this been last year, he would have been able to stay up for days on end and then just crash for an entire weekend. It wasn’t last year though and Techno had gotten himself into a fairly healthy routine, he couldn’t exactly be sleeping through his uni classes anyway. 

“Alright you two” Hearing Philza’s voice, he propped his head up, “Get up, you can’t lay around all day”

A groan came from the mass of blankets and cushions that happened to be Wilbur, who was curled up in the centre of it,

“Phil it's so early and we went to bed so late. It’s fine to sleep in”

“Okay” he chuckled, humouring his tired friend “It’s midday Wil, im taking the blankets away now”

Techno thought it was much too early too, as he tugged the sleeves of Wilbur’s hoodie down a little further so they could act like gloves. 

“Do you mind if I use your PC to try and find out what’s going on with my classes at some point? They'll probably send me an email or something” He grumbled, standing up so he could stretch his back out properly, following Phil slowly to the kitchen.

“That’s fine, it's up in my room, do what you need”

Breakfast was nice, it had been a while since Techno had had time for it honestly, and even longer since he had been able to eat with people he cared about. He had a couple slices of buttered toast and a bowl of some british cereal which he didn’t really like but he didn’t want to be rude so he ate it anyway. 

“You wanna stream together later?” Wil asked through a mouth full of food, earning a snort from Phil. This was nice. 

“Yeah maybe, you use face cam though, I’m not like against showing them my face but y'know, it is what it is” he shrugged, spooning another mouthful of his breakfast into his mouth, he had to admit it was very bland, he much preferred the sweeter ones that were more popular in America. 

“Well think about it, if you decide you don't want them to see you, you can always just sit off to the side and I'll turn my monitor so you can still see it. My office is big enough for it anyway, it’ll be like where Niki was during that one MCC remember?”

Techno nodded and carried on eating, they really were 3 very sleepy boys right now. Maybe he’d take a nap once he found out what was going on with his classes. 

------------------

------------------

Streaming without any gameplay to comment about and with facecam on? Techno wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. That just didn’t really sound like something he was going to enjoy.

It was nerve wracking and he always seemed to glance at the camera too much when it was pointed at him. He knew the fans would be disappointed if he didn’t do it though, When Wilbur tweeted out saying that he and Phil would join him in a ‘you laugh you lose’ he watched as the replies freaked out. 

You could say he was just a bit camera shy, he wasn’t incredibly insecure, sure there were things he didn’t like that much but everyone had things like that, it just made him nervous to know that people were looking at him. 

He’d be okay with his friend’s though, he trusted that they’d never put him in an uncomfortable situation. He knew if he got overwhelmed he could sit outside the frame. 

It would be okay. 

“Hey hey chat” Wilbur mumbled into the mic, making it loud enough so that everyone could hear but it still sounded like he was whispering. 

“We’ve got the blade here, bet you weren’t expecting that huh chat? Or maybe you were, maybe you read the title of the stream, bet there’s someone watching who didn't think he’d be here though” he finally turned the music off and switched from his ‘starting soon’ screen to his regular camera. 

Wil went through the rules, it was the normal stuff, he added in some jokes here and there, prodding Techno and Phil to talk at times. They’d already agreed that this wouldn’t be for youtube, since that seemed to add a bit too much pressure for Techno, but hey, he still had to welcome his chat. 

“Okay!! First media share! Lets go”  

After a series of videos, some funnier than others, Techno had started to loosen up a bit. He was getting more comfortable with the camera and while he’d probably cringe while looking back at the footage, at least he was having fun right now.

He had a warm feeling in his chest that wasn’t usually there when he was streaming alone, sure it was usually fun but nothing was better than being with his friends while doing it, there was really only one person who was missing. 

As if on queue, chat started spamming Tommy’s name, for a moment Techno thought he had been mumbling his thoughts out loud, before he looked between Phil and Wilbur, who both seemed equally confused. Moving Wilbur’s mouse over the chat to pause it, Techno tried to read some of the messages. 

“Oh he tweeted something” he mumbled, pulling his phone out of his pocket without a care. Maybe some irl streamers would have used the computer but knowing Wilbur’s history, he doubted it could run Chrome and streamlabs at the same time. 

Looking at the tweet he felt a little pang of guilt. It was lighthearted and jokey but he knew there’d be a little truth to it. He nudged the other two and read it aloud to them. 

‘Damn guess I’m not a sleepy boy after all’

The air felt a little thick after that, they hadn’t meant to exclude Tommy; all of the excitement of Techno coming to stay had just made it a little hard to arrange to have Tommy here after all. 

Still, they probably should have still told him though. They were supposed to be each other's family.  

“Hey chat I think we’re gonna have to end stream early.” Wilbur finally piped up, deciding it wouldn't be right to carry on when they had hurt their friend, not that chat needed to know that though, he didn’t want to embarrass Tommy. 

“I feel kinda sick and I don't think you all wanna watch me vomit right? Yeah so it’s best we end it now” 

Techno sniggered to himself at that, in games Wilbur always seemed to be very cunning but he supposed he wasn’t very good at lying when it was about something he actually cared about. Said something being Tommy.  

After raiding Fundy, the trio hopped straight onto discord. 

Tommy didn't answer the first time he was called. 

Or the second. 

Finally, after three calls, Tommy decided he’d talk to them. 

“You are all a bunch of dick heads, you know that? What the hell! Why wasn’t I invited to the sleepy boy’s stream! Wilbur you bitch!” Through all the vulgar language and the constant yelling, it was clear that Tommy was genuinely upset. 

He had every right to be, as far as Techno was concerned. From his point of view his friend’s had just gone off and hung out without him. He just hoped he’d calm down once they explained everything.  

“You know I thought we were friends! I thought we were brothers! But if you don’t wanna hang out with a ‘kid’ you can just tell me and i’ll- i'll go!” He was still yelling, as usual, it was clear he was trying to make this into a joke where he could overreact but Techno noticed the small sniffles and the quiver in his voice. 

By the looks on Phil’s and Wilbur’s faces, they recognised it too.  

“Listen, Tommy” 

Wil was the first to talk, it made sense, it seemed that Tommy trusted him the most at times. Sometimes Techno could be a bit too cold and sometimes Phil could get a bit too overbearing.

Techno understood this, he didn’t take it personally, he knew it was only natural that you have people you trust with your emotions more than others. It didn’t mean Tommy didn’t love them just as much, just that they weren’t his ‘go-to’ when he felt down. 

Techno felt the same way sometimes. Feeling’s got complicated and personally he thought Phil was the best to talk to about that, the fact that he was older and had his life sorted out gave him a sense of comfort, like he could trust him because he knew what he was talking about. 

“We didn’t plan a meetup, it just sorta happened. Phil was at my place, helping me record, and then Techno’s Uni had a fire and he needed a place to stay while they’re making it safe again” Wilbur sighed as he heard Tommy moving on the other side of his mic. Techno wondered what he was doing. 

“We would have invited you, had we known that we’d all be in the same place Toms” 

Phil took over, giving Wilbur a little sympathetic smile. The brunette so obviously felt guilty about the situation. 

“But when we got the call from Tech’ it was past 3 in the morning and it was tipping it down with snow, as soon as we got home we all slept. We decided to do a stream this morning but never once did we intend to try and make you feel like you aren’t welcome with us” 

Finally it was Techno’s turn to talk...Fuck.

He wasn’t exactly the most sentimental guy, he struggled to show his emotions and he just assumed everyone he cared for just knew that he cared for them. He rarely had to say it out loud. God okay. He just had to swallow his pride and go for it. 

“Tommy you are a sleepy boy and you are our brother. We did kind of a dick move today and if I was you I’d probably be upset too. I know I didn't like seeing you guys playing without me during MCC and that wasn’t even any of our decisions. We should have called you or something. I know I kinda tease you a lot but that’s just how I show I like people. Listen Tommy if I didn’t care about you I wouldn’t be comfortable enough to make those kinds of jokes with you. It’s not funny if it’s hurting you though..”

Techno bit his lip, this wasn’t as hard as he had anticipated but it was coming out like word vomit. 

“You’re young Tommy but you’re so talented. We love you”

There was some more rustling, it sounded like Tommy was wiping his eyes. Maybe the boy had expected a yelling match, only for it to turn out to be very emotional. 

“I love you guys too.. If you ever exclude me ever again though I’m getting my vlog knife out”

[scribbleb-red]

Camisado (Your Emo Andreil AU)

[This started as a Morning AU on Twitter, warning: we're going very 00s] 

Andrew and Neil meet in a chat room age 13. 

Andrew's handle is @/phantom!attheopera 

Neil's is @/isayshotgun 

Andrew initially hangs around because he finds it hilarious how Neil roasts people he likes and trolls people he doesn't.

They also both have things in common - starting with but limited to their love of PATD and pretty much all emo music they can get their barely-teenage hands on. Andrew likes it a little heavier than Neil - but they both rave about Brendan Urie, Gerard Way and the Maddens.

They strike up a penpal style relationship - moving first from the chatroom to private messages, then the msn and email. 

They confide in each other. Neil moves around a lot because 'my dad's a bad man, he's after me and my mom'. 

Andrew tells him about Cass and Drake.

isayshotgun: he shdnt do dat 2 u 

phantom!attheopera: i know 

isayshotgun: id get u out 

phantom!attheopera: how 

isayshotgun: im gd w/ knives 

phantom!attheopera: maybe you can teach me. 

phantom!attheopera: and I'll teach you to spell, honestly. 

isayshotgun: *eyeroll*

Neil doesn't come to get Andrew because Aaron happens first. 

And then Andrew's in juvie and playing exy and the only way he can stay in touch with Neil is email. He shouldn't even be allowed email, but he's willing to get on his knees to have computer access, access to Neil.

Something about email makes their friendship even deeper. 

Actually, Andrew's fairly certain that he's half way in love and that if they were different people they'd have already talked about this. Still, it's because of email that he notices something is wrong with Neil.

His emails, which were long and rambling, have suddenly become short - no less full of feeling and affection, but syntactically different. 

He tries to ask about it. 

From: phantom!attheopera 

To: isayshotgun 

Subject: what's wrong with you?

Neil is cagey at first but Andrew gets it out of him in the end. 

From: isayshotgun 

To: phantom!attheopera 

Re:Re:Re:Re:Subject: what's wrong with you? 

 Being shot really sucks. That's all. N

All Andrew wants to do then is cross the country, gather Neil close and keep him safe. They're fifteen now and he'll be leaving juvie next month. 

"Can you keep safe until then?" Andrew types. 

"U cant save me. We talked about this." Neil's reply is not what he wants to read.

Andrew's released to Tilda. He finds out his brother is hooked on painkillers and his birth mother is an abuser. 

phantom!attheopera: she hits him. I need to stop her.  

isayshotgun: ... ... 

phantom!attheopera: what? 

isayshotgun: is that weird? for moms 2 hit u?

phantom!attheopera: your mom hits you too? 

isayshotgun: 2 teach me not 2 be stupid. 

isayshotgun: keepin me alive 

phantom!attheopera: that's not how it works, no one hits you for your own good. that's... 

phantom!attheopera: my therapist calls it emotional abuse and controlling behaviours.

Neil ends up sharing a lot more than he was probably initially intending - about the one time a girl kissed him and he couldn't walk properly for a week; about the way his mom pinched him and made him recite their rules back; about how he wasn't allowed to be sick, ever.

phantom!attheopera: one of these days I'll find you and we'll run away together. We'll go anywhere you want. Settle somewhere safe. 

isayshotgun: do u think ud like me irl? 

phantom!attheopera: well I can't see your spelling if you're talking 

isayshotgun: rofl lmao

Andrew tells Neil about Aaron. 

phantom!attheopera: he's a total prick 

isayshotgun: hv u tried talkin 2 him about smthing easy? like exy? 

phantom!attheopera: just because you like stickball 

isayshotgun: no i mean maybe u need a bridge 2 talk. common grnd.

phantom!attheopera: ...maybe

Neil is the one who gives him the idea about crashing the car with Tilda in it too. He sends Andrew all the instructions on a floppy disk that he posts to Andrew's therapist. On the front of the disk, Neil has scrawled their usernames. Andrew smiles.

Their relationship is a strange one - they are always there on the other end of the computer to each other, but they've never swapped photos and never heard each other's voices. 

When Andrew gets a phone, he asks Neil if he has one and Neil says no, only his mom has a burner.

Still Andrew gives Neil his number and on his birthday, November 4th, he gets a call from a Seattle phonebox. 

"Hey," Neil says. Andrew can hear him shivering, the chatter in his teeth. 

"Happy Birthday, Drew." 

They talk and talk. It's the best birthday Andrew's ever had.

Right up until the gunfire.

Neil vanishes. 

There's no emails. No MSN messages. No highly irritating nudges. He's not in any of their usual chatrooms. 

Andrew doesn't get another phone call.

Weeks go by. First one then another then another.

Andrew leaves messages. He sends emails. He really really hopes Neil isn't dead.

Aaron and Andrew go to live with Nicky. 

They're approached by The Ravens. Andrew turns down the infamous Riko Moriyama and his absurdly pretty Number 2, Kevin Day. 

David Wymack shows up. The deal extends to Aaron and Nicky if he wants it. Andrew says yes.

Sometimes Andrew thinks about Neil and tries to make an effort with Aaron, but Aaron is angry and a recovering addict and nothing Andrew says or does is ever enough. He still tries. 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

 Subject: 9 ways I'm trying to befriend my twin

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Re: Subject: make that 11 ways 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Re:Re:Re: Subject: none of these are working 

From: phantom!attheopera 

To: isayshotgun 

 Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Subject: you'd hate him too

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun  

Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re:Re: Subject: ok fine, I don't hate him 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Subject: Happy New Year 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Re: Subject: And Happy Birthday I guess

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Subject: I miss you 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Re: Subject: I still miss you 

From: phantom!attheopera

To: isayshotgun 

Subject: Panic! are play in Columbia next month !!!

From: isayshotgun 

To: phantom!attheopera

Re: Subject: Panic! are play in Columbia next month !!! 

 got u a ticket c u there @ 7pm

Andrew blinks. He stares at his inbox. The 1 new message. Neil's username. Neil is alive. Neil is coming to Columbia. Neil is coming to a Panic! At The Disco gig. He bashes out a hasty message. 

phantom!attheopera: Are you serious? 

isayshotgun: yeh

The month vanishes under Andrew's feet. He's nervous. He's excited. Nicky is exuberant. 

"My cousin has a date!" 

"Not a date, Nicky." 

Nicky just slides a knowing look his way and when Andrew takes the car keys, tells him to drive safe and stay out of fights. Andrew scoffs.

They haven't been talking much, Neil and Andrew. 

But Neil promised that Andrew wouldn't be able to miss him. 

Neil was telling the truth. He's standing there, a too-skinny teenager with badly cut hair flopping into his eyes, with a giant sign saying "phantom!attheopera".

Approaching, Andrew sees that Neil is gaunt, there's shadows under his eyes, which are blue as the sky on a clear, cold day. 

"You ready to scream your crooked heart out?" Andrew asks. 

Neil looks up with a slow smile. It wobbles as if his face is out of practice. 

"Hey." 

 "Hi."

They will - in fact - scream their crooked hearts out that night. They will hold each other upright and throw themselves through the mosh pit, feeling the press of elation and anger and frustration and hope. Neil will trip a stranger who gets too close for Andrew's comfort. Andrew will deliberately spill a drink over a girl who won't stop eyeballing Neil with hearts in her eyes. 

"My hero," Neil laughs. His laugh is rusty too. 

Andrew wants to hear it again and again. He wants to hear it every fucking day for the rest of his stupid emo life.

When the music fades and the crowds disperse, Andrew and Neil are left in the carpark, sitting on the bonnet of Andrew's car. 

He asks Neil where he's going tonight. 

Neil shrugs. 

He asks Neil if his mom is nearby but he already knows the answer. Mary Hatford is dead.

They don't leave for hours. Neil explains everything that night - who his dad is, what he's running from. Andrew doesn't care. 

When they're both cold, they sit in the car and turn the heating up. Andrew offers his hand to Neil and Neil curls their fingers together.

Neil is tired. Neil is so so so tired. 

"Come home with me." Andrew says. "Stay." 

Neil slumps against the seats, his head tilted so Andrew can see every sharp angle of his face. There's no fight, no bargaining. 

Just a sweet, fluttering feeling neither of them know to call hope.

The end.

[apprentice-nylah]

So since I didn’t catch that we finally got Book XXI - The World until now... I’m doing my usual first impressions of playing through and my thoughts. Since (I think?) this is the end of Nadia’s route, I believe I’ll do an overall thoughts in a different post later on when I’ve digested everything. 

Both my thoughts on the Upright ending and Reversed ending are under the cut. I play through Nadia’s route only. But this is a much longer than normal post. And it goes without saying, but a lot of spoilers under the cut. 

Upright Ending

- ITS FINALLY HERE?!?@?!??@~

- Backroom of the shop but in red... okie

- oh is this uhm.. when the apprentice first got revived? 

- snow

- oh what did nadia legit visit the apprentice when.. wait... 

- okay so basically you can only pick “youve come to the right place!” even though theres an option for “wait this isn’t right.”

- YoU’Re hEr FiAnCe!!!

- NO YOURE PERFECT FOR HER

- is it going to be the fool card???

- ok the high priestess, I can accept that

- THE LOVE OF MY LIFE (can you hear me screaming irl) 

- this is all the devils fault so “the devil will pay for this”

- aw nadia gushing about the apprentice is so cute

- “I’ll always find you.” fuck ye

- uhm.. apprentice wise probably “id turn into a phoenix.” 

- lived on the moon.. “i’d live there too.” 

- it was cheesy but u loved it anyway

- im actually squealing irl about nadia

- winkie sprite again ;0

- back where it started then eh

- “it has no power” 

- renovating it would be a nice touch i think

- death 

- “this IS a pickle” 

- a ruse cruise l0l

- “you’re right” can’t believe i’m taking advice from death

 - letting go of the past

- i don’t want to worry u queeeen

- this scene is familiar from asras route i think though i didn’t play it to this point, just have seen screenshots of it

- aw nadia

- that “back off zombie” option just reminds me of that heath inspector spongebob episode for some reason, but i’m going with “i wouldn’t say that”

- you could but u won’t

- “emotionally traumatizing zombie card” lmao

- ooo his thone room is kinda cool art wise

- i still love the devils art even tho i kinda hate him

- “do you ever stop talking” theres no other option to choose obviously

- nadia lecturing the devil is everything

- mortals but the apprentice is basically the fool so idk how true that exactly is

- WE WON

- what kind of person exactly WAS nadia if her family is this shocked that she wants them to visit, jeez

- fashion show lmfao

- natiqa gunna stay oo

- aw muriel and asra is still cute as fuck

- awww the baker getting to be procurator. thats also cute as fuck

- volta as official taste tester l0l

- portia totally has a crush on nahara and no one can convince me otherwise

- “i’m not ready to leave” 

- i swear they keep mentioning things on fire and although shes prob referring to the one we were there for, theres always so many stories involving the satrinavas that include setting things on fire and i want to hear all the stories

- “lets bother valerius” we owe him for it still

- “he deserves it” my thoughts exactly

- YOU BET I REMEMBER IT

- “what we’ve done!!”

- sprite artttttttt

- eeeeeee.

I do feel like the ending is somewhat anti-climactic. I would have loved to see the wedding and all that cute shit, but perhaps it could be a tale later on. Or it also gives fandom creators some room to let the imagination run wild and that’s always a positive thing as well. 

I haven’t looked around much, but i think theres some discourse about the endings, though when is there not discourse in the fandom lmfao. I will say that i think this does really play into what I said before that the upright ending and route playthrough is all about change. This is the person Nadia is capable of being at her best and her reversed ending the person she could be if she had stayed on the path she was set on. (or at her worse, if you prefer that). 

as said, I think I’ll put an overview thoughts in a different post, but I think book XXI was a pretty decent wrap up, though obviously I wish there had been more of it. 

Reversed Ending

- I’m still like.. not as mad about the reversed ending as a lot of people seemed to be, but also i agree with the apprentice. PANIC

- okay im really keen on domination and shit but being a possession of another person is really a no-no for me. but i get it nadia... this isn’t ur best u

- the devil really has a fetish for red, don’t he

- I think this place is never gunna let u go anyway tbh

- learning more about the devils nature and knowing that nadia is eventually gunna be the devil is just like... why.

- “which would u prefer” 

- u bet im gunna be fucking cheeky

- “ill obey” ig. idk what the “right answer” is so...

- say nothing

- nadias eyes are fucking creepy like what

- tbh i can’t believe this somehow backfired on the devil like... i didn’t think he was actually this stupid

- “its beautiful” 

- okay her devil sprite is hot asf. i admit it. 

- “of course’ 

- so valarius rules vesuvia now?

- its kinda of sad to see her relationship with the high priestess gone

- okay, also a hot CG

- “gimme!” tho i’m sure shes gunna make me beg or something wild

- “let me thank you properly” 

- kiss every inch of her

- thats kinda sweet in a weird sort of way

- “youre mine” 

- they fucked didn’t they

- youre going to free her... >.>

Okay, i have... thoughts. While I’ve said that I do believe that the Reverse ending is supposed to be Nadia as the person she was at the beginning of the story (or at least in some ways with some of her less desirable traits amplified to the max), this just seems... weird after playing the Upright ending. 

Obviously this makes sense if you played the route as a reverse ending. The apprentice is super dedicated to Nadia that they’ll follow her blindly, even if it means harming other people. You fail to see her faults and instead just tell her that people who criticize her are wrong. But like I said, I think the Devil honestly being that idiotic that he actually gave her the power to defeat him is just wild. In a way where there has to be a lot of suspension of disbelief for that to be a thing. But okay. This is where we are. 

I do think a lot of the domination/physical scenes with Nadia were super hot and wish we had gotten a bit more in the Upright ending, but since I have both endings, I can live with getting the emotional lovey stuff in one and the steamy physical stuff in another. THat’s fine. Also, I really do love Nadia’s Devil sprite. The art is great for it. 

Anyway, those are just some thoughts I had on my first play through. I’ll probably do a full reflection tomorrow when I’ve sort of had more time to process my feelings. As for what I’ll do with the Arcana now that Nadia’s route is over... I’m not sure. I’m not super hot on Portia, though I like her. Just not in a “I want to romance her way.” Maybe I’ll play through Muriel since I think he’s sweet and I thihnk his story will be super interesting. And As much as I hate Lucio in this route, I’m kinda of interested in how they’re planning on writing his route. 

[muggle-writes]

Rules: Answer 21 questions and then tag 21 people who you want to get to know better.

tagged by @elizabethsyson

Nickname: Muggle is my nickname, but when I went by Muggle in person for more than a month at a time, it naturally got abbreviated, usually to Mugz

Zodiac: Aquarius

Last movie I saw: into the spiderverse (same answer as last time. I don't watch that many movies tbh except around Christmas. unless YouTube counts in which case... music of some sort? idk links for the next answer)

Favorite musician: changes by the day. I've kinda been in an acapella and/or folk music mood recently so the Maccabeats and Peter Hollens are in my YouTube and Spotify history a lot recently. also I'm eternally in awe of Forte Handbell Quartet (eta a longer video; i recommend skipping to the techno piece or the Jurassic Park theme)

Last thing I googled: "vine why are you buying clothes at the soup store" (my wife hasn't seen it; also i can't find the vine because apparently it's a much bigger meme than I realized). before that it was "chgrp not root" because work and group permissions are useful when they work

Song stuck in my head: well for most of the day when I haven't been actively listening to something, it's been the Pokemon RSE route-walking music. (but that somehow happens frequently when I'm in the no-music-no-internet room at work, as I was for most of the day, and I don't know how I accidentally trained my brain to make that connection). right now, surprisingly, I don't have any background music playing in my head. I think it's because the humidifier provides just enough white noise that my brain doesn't feel the need to provide its own

Other blogs: my main is @muggle-the-hat and I'm a mod on @why-do-neurotypicals but we've gotten one ask ever so that blog has been dormant for a while. I have a bunch of other sideblogs, but they're all small and I use different screen names on each of them (enby life: no idea which name suits me best so I may as well try them out) so i feel like it would just confuse things to link them.

Following: blogs matching all the themes of my sideblogs, (including this one, which is writeblr), korean langblr, jumblr, assorted fandom blogs, authors of my more favorite fanfictions (some overlap with other categories), and irl friends and acquaintances (including one fandom blog turned irl friend)

Do I get asks: on my main if at all, which isn't really surprising because i have hundreds of followers there and maybe 60 followers combined among the rest. but I get asks far less often than I reblog ask memes so... I'm always happy to get more. I do get tagged in ask games more on this one, but writeblr is actually vaguely organized about tag lists so that makes sense. also I used to get tagged a bunch on my main and I rarely could find the posts again to follow up when I had time to answer.

What I’m Wearing: pajamas. staying warm and cozy

Lucky number: I don't remember what I said last time, but I like a lot of numbers. 64 is a good number. recently I've been debugging software in which 0x3E is my lucky status number and 0x0E taunts me. (um, decimal 62 and 14). Also my other favorite number i can't share until it's no longer the combination to the lock to the Secret Room. (or realistically never because opsec and i shouldn't make public the types of parents we use for that combination lock), honestly I aim to be like.... ah, I'm sure the anecdote involves G.H. Hardy but i don't remember on which side. anyway one mathematician remarked to another about how the id number of the taxi he rode in was sadly uninteresting, and the one I aspire to be like, argued "what are you talking about, this number is interesting because ______" and I'd like to be able to do that for any arbitrary number thrown at me. (hi yes math is good, history is hard, math history is interesting yet i still forget the people even if i remember the math. except when things are named after people, but that tends to be, like, Euler and LaGrange and other people who did lots of cool science things so i remember the methods and the names of the methods separately which never helps)

Amount of sleep: ....depression both screws with my sleep schedule and means I always feel like I need more sleep except when I wake up at 5pm and feel like I've wasted the day. so yeah. I can never get enough sleep

Favorite food: yes (why do I have to pick a favorite?) uh, chocolate in most forms, many other sweet things, red meats (especially if served with potatoes), curry (especially if it has "too much" ginger), fresh-baked bread, chai the way my favorite local Indian restaurant makes it (spicier with just a little bit of sweet, which is the opposite of what i can get from the mocha machine at work which is wayyy sweet with a hint of spice but that inferior chai is still superior to coffee so i drink too much of it). also vegetables which I really don't eat enough of: sauteed zucchini and onions, roasted broccoli

Dream trip: dreaming requires creativity and tbh I funnel that mostly into my writing instead. I wouldn't mind going back to Korea for another visit though

Dream job: my current job is pretty good when I feel productive and when my debugging tools actually produce data maybe??? (they were not being helpful today. but i still mostly like my job.) dream job is probably this but with seniority and confidence and double the salary (while living in a similar area of the country; I wouldn't want to double my salary by moving to work for Google in California and having less available after rent than I do now)

Describe yourself as aesthetic things:

the smell of old books

the first glow of sunrise (the sunrise painting the mountains pink and gold)

a rainbow in the spray from a waterfall

the flicker of distant lightning (watching a thunderstorm fade into the distance)

this picture

Random fact: about me or about the world?

how about a combination answer: when we got our new handbell music this season, we only looked at half the pieces our first rehearsal and afterwards I tried to look up one of the pieces we hadn't gotten to on YouTube because it's got a weird time signature and I wanted to get a feel for how fast it would go and how strict the counting is...... except it turns out we're the first group to ever play the piece. it was commissioned recently but seeing my conductor's name on the page didn't tell me how new it was because he's super prolific. (the fact that it was on printer paper without the publisher's graphics should have been a giveaway but it's only the second time I've been among the first to play one of his pieces so I think I can be excused for not realizing)

Languages: mostly just English, but I took Spanish for years, so I can hold simple conversations in it. I can almost read sound out Hebrew fast enough to keep up in services, and I know some random Hebrew vocab but comparatively no grammar. and I took Korean in college, enough that I can recognize sentence structure but I can really only speak tourist-Korean, though I can sound anything out (if it's typed. handwriting is hit or miss.) in both Hebrew and Korean (and Spanish tbh but i don't often listen to Spanish music) I'm very proud when I can separate the words enough, listening to a song, to translate them without looking up the lyrics. also I tried to learn Japanese from Duolingo when it was new, but I still hadn't gotten the kana straight when it started progressing to kanji so that was a rough time and I went back to Hebrew.

tbh I "dabble" in "language learning" which really means I start a million courses on Duo and stick with none of them. with the notable exception of French, which I acknowledge is super common and probably a good idea to learn but the spelling and pronunciation seem so arbitrary I'm scared to look close enough to learn it properly, and I've never particularly considered starting the Duolingo course for French

I think I lost a few questions, because that's only 18 answers. whoops.

um... who to tag

@abluescarfonwaston if school hasn't drowned you in work yet and @copperscales I'm interested in both of your choices for lucky numbers especially.

... wow I'm blanking on other mutuals I haven't tagged recently. as usual lmk if you'd like to be edited in, or just answer the questions and tag me back, that's great too.

[imadethisatage11]

Live-blogging my reaction to Spiral: from the book of saw

Spoilers under the cut

TL;DR: my overall review is that it was good but I’m going to go watch DPS to cleanse me

- ok so that woman got robbed and for what

- I had to pause to find out who this detective’s actor was Bc it was driving me nuts and it’s MCMURRAY FROM LETTERKENNY???

- love that they’re gonna fuck up this train conductors day lmao

- LOVE genuinely that we’re back to looking gritty and having an old tv play the video and having some rapid cut camera work early 2000’s vibes I embrace you

- why does the voice sound like that,, I wasn’t expecting John but why is it so non threatening now it’s literally just Some Guy™️

- I am glad I paid $15 to listen to Chris Rock talk about Forrest Gump. Worth my money and I mean it genuinely I love Chris Rock he’s great. Stream Everybody Hates Chris on Hulu

- “Z?” Zeke who just had his cover blown: this MF

- “do I look like a fucking Jamaican nanny?!” I- 😀🤚🏽

- ayo Max Minghella

- Chris Rock falling just short of being convincingly aggressively cynical Bc he is Chris Rock with the voice of Chris Rock

- it sounds like he’s setting up jokes that don’t have punchlines and instead they’re just like,, mediocre cynic cop dialogue

- while looking at some pretty fucking intact teeth: this bum is gonna be pretty hard to ID

- I mean I guess the homeless don’t have dental records but were you not even gonna try?

- I’m very pleased Chris Rock put on gloves before handling the strange package I love actually smart character choices that would make sense for them to make

- I.e. the cop knows how to properly handle unexpected unmarked packages delivered to the precinct

- “I thought the jigsaw killer was dead” “well if it’s another copy cat…” another wait is that referring to Logan (which Logan pinned on the other coincidentally crooked cop whose name I’ve forgotten) does that imply Logan only did like? The one trap? And hasn’t been active? Just waited ten years after John died recreates the one trap he was in and then stops?? I mean don’t get me wrong if movie wants to ignore Jigsaw (2017)’s existence I’m game but like what

- also why do the packages look like they’re wrapped in Tiffany boxes lmao

- oh yay they did run dental

- Chris Rock is an asshole but they should go with protocol if that’s what they’re doing

- ordering a man mid piss out of the men’s room to yell at Zeke

- does conflict of interest matter when the whole precinct knows the victim?

- uncomfortable stand-offs with your ex while at the home of a grieving friend

- Samuel L Jackson!

- “I could’ve killed you!” “What are you talking about, I have the gun!” *SLJ pulls a gun out* “I could’ve killed you”

- daddy issues

- “you think this is linked to John Kramer?” Bruh you think it’s NOT??

- ik this is SO far fetched but I rlly hope this movie tells us wtf happened to Dr Gordon. I’m sure it won’t but a girl can dream

- “should we tell Zeke?” “Fuck him” I get you guys don’t like to work w him Bc he’s an ass but like. You’re just not doing your jobs now you’re just proving he’s right that you’re untrustworthy

- splitting up and not telling ppl where you’re going is the number one way to get kidnapped or murdered but way to go cop instincts

- what is this Chinese finger trap ass shit

- love the blue tones tho very Saw

- all it needs is to become uncomfortably green

- fun fact I actually watched the first saw w my friend who is red green color blind and he said it looked AWFUL and I was like oh yeah everything is blue tinted like twilight blue tint and later it’s green just FYI (he thought that made significantly more sense than whatever shit ass color palette he was perceiving)

- being mad at your son for turning in a dirty cop Bc now you’ll have to mess with internal affairs

- and then assaulting someone??? SLJ is an even worse asshole lmao

- another Tiffany box bound in twine maybe it’ll be one of those cheesy diamond heart necklaces

- HELLO what is that ugly ass pig puppet

- also the voice is so stilted did the killer use fuckin text to speech so they couldn’t unscramble the voice like they did to Hoffman?

- cops finding dead pigs, a little on the nose

- oh so this dude has a history of “fuck it” ok well screw that guy then

- SLJ deserves to be pissed at that cop for letting Zeke get shot but like what an unhinged man he threatened to kill him and then actually assaulted him HOW did he EVER get in charge to begin with

- ok wait is Zeke actually the only decent cop (inc his dad but maybe excluding the newbie)

- that is a truly gruesome way to lose fingers tho I must say but he deserves that shit

- wait did the trap not go fast enough or was there a way for him to do that faster and I missed it

- like should he not have hesitated Bc there was a time limit or was it just rigged

- cuz the machine had to pull them off he couldn’t just cut them quickly

- so are they just gonna leave broken leg Dude there or

- also just now I tried to talk abt this movie (so far) vs Jigsaw (2017) to my mom and I got too excited and referenced some character names she didn’t know and she shut me down and said she didn’t care 😀

- live-blogging to my, like, five followers that compromise one one (1) person that knows me IRL, one (1) Sawtual, and a handful of ppl only here for my main DPS content to fill the void of emotional parental neglect. What a great website

- oh no did the rookie die :( he was actually sweet

- I feel like he was too important to kill offscreen tho

- like they’re TELLING us he .. was skinned.. but was he REALLY

- Chris Rock having a revelation: AH FUCK

- everyone else at the crime scene: ….

- favorite thing abt movies that were already gonna be rated R is when they’re like “well if we’re already at R we might as well say fuck”

- she has to SEVER HER SPINAL CORD? Why was she deemed the biggest asshole

- also how on earth was this trap portable it IS in their basement right

- transporting the hot wax is just what gets me

- Chris Rock rn: are you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?

- was this abt his dad the whole time???

- does it count as live blogging when I do one big post instead of several small ones lol I just want it to be avoidable for ppl who are just here for Dead Poets Society

- man’s fully abt to cut his arm off like barely even hesitated long enough to notice the bobby pin he could pick the lock with

- there’s a body here suspended

- not hanging mind you

- but covered and suspended

- and I bet it’s the newbie

- ah damn it’s Pete that’s disappointing

- it’s possible the trailers just made him seem more important than he was

- why are they punishing Zeke for reporting a dirty cop and having his career accordingly ruined like he did the right thing and already suffered for it? This killer doesn’t like crooked cops?? Why does Zeke have to be tortured by hearing this dude die like that’s what they want isn’t it?

- I think it’s too late pal

- the glass trap was pretty fucking cool though

- I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE

- I didn’t think he was a MURDERER but I KNEW he was alive

- OH SHIT THE DIRTY COP ZEKE TURNED IN KILLED NEWBIE’S DAD??

- I’m terrible at guessing endings but it makes viewing more fun

- honestly,, do it Chris Rock ACAB

- “you want me to kill cops?” “No, fuck no, just the bad ones”

- what a fun villain though

- I have no idea what the Ultimate Game Plan™️ is here though is he gonna make him kill his dad? I mean his dad does suck but making a dude KILL his DAD? That is a tall order Max Minghella

- ok but literally why wouldn’t you listen to him here shoot the target??

- ANGIE! It WaS aNgIe

- killing this man is not correct justice anyway Zeke

- shot the target! Good man

- groovy of them to play the Hello Zepp soundtrack rn

- oh shit what’s going on SLJ knows what it is

- oh.. w o w. Brutal way to go. Very heavy handed imagery

- and that’s all I guess who the fuck knows what’s up w Doctor Gordon

- and I guess Max Minghella is just gonna get away now but tbh Chris Rock only seemed truly mad at him for involving his dad

- nice rap remix to the OG Hello Zepp score very cool credits music

[vinegarcoffin]

bc i have an actual crush now and he’s somebody i actually see irl, i am being Very Careful to act like a normal person around him (that is, not like an obsessive violent person who has too many positive strong emotions about him that naturally lead to strong protective instincts and an overwhelming obsession with both his wellbeing and being around him). 

we saw each other a few days ago, we went to a metal concert to which I’d invited him (the times we meet up are largely based around him inviting me to do things relevant to his interests and me inviting him to things relevant to mine). we happened to be standing very close to where the mosh pit had broken out and idk if any of you know this but at concerts where mosh pits happen, those partaking in the pit will very often shove not only each other but the people on the perimeter of the pit, meaning you’re not necessarily safe if you’re not in the pit. we happened to be standing there and somebody happened to shove him (granted it happened to me as well but it did happen with him as well) and of course i caught him and helped him up and i felt absolutely no desire to exact vengeance on the person who’d done that. i don’t feel proud of myself for that bc of course thats not a normal reaction, am i congratulating myself on not having irrational responses, but also its a bit reassuring to know that the expected yandere response of “i will punish you for this minor and understandable transgression against senpai” does not seem to occur to me. although i did feel a heightened sense of protectiveness and making-sure-he’s-okay after that and i am a bit proud to say that i WANTED to say “don’t worry, i can and will protect you and i’ll make sure that does not happen to you again” but DIDN’T say that bc. i think that would’ve been creepy, out of nowhere. would it have been? i think it kinda would have been. also mightve made him feel a bit patronized had i said that. like i thought he was completely incapable of looking out for himself in a relatively normal environment. is a concert with a mosh pit a normal environment? i dont know. one thing that was funny was his reactions to the chaos that takes place at metal shows because it made me realize how wild these things often get and how strange my “normal” is. 

i still did get satisfaction from the fact that after the little shoving incident i was able to remain vigilant and make sure that, if someone was going to shove in our general direction, i’d just step in front of him. the chance to do so didn’t arise but hey who knows. maybe it will at some event in the future, i’ve learned from my mistakes, i know how to be properly protective. also speaking of protective and my conduct towards him, i always bring earplugs when we go to concerts together, and i do so specifically for him because at this point im accustomed to the volumes at which the bands play but hes not and i just happened to have earplugs onhand the first time we went to a show together so i was like “oh that’s good” but now anytime this happens i specifically make sure to bring earplugs for him and it’s one of those things where i know im doing this For Him, just another thing done out of excessive concern and feeling for him, idk if he really thinks of it in terms of me bringing earplugs for him but i always ALWAYS have them and i just hand them to him before the show starts and it’s just sort of an acknowledged thing that i bring him the earplugs. i dont think i’ve expressed to him that i like taking responsibility for others and their wellbeing even in small ways like this but i like doing that. especially if its someone i like. we havent known each other all that long (we only first met last summer i think). theres a lot we dont know about each other. yet.

we hung out after the concert - we didn’t really do anything, we just sort of walked and talked together and that was my absolute favorite thing. we talked about shit, some of it deep, some of it trivial, some of it personal. we told each other things about ourselves. every time he opens up to me in any way whatsoever it makes me so happy because even if what he’s talking about is unfortunate im learning more about him as a person and hes giving me more of himself and it means he either trusts me or he feels comfortable saying certain things no matter who hes saying it to and either of those things makes me happy. the former happy for me and for him, the latter just for him. and i told him some stuff about myself as well. a little bit of what we said was new information. a lot of it was just building on things we’d said in the past. i wont get into it because i like him too much to just say shit he’d told me presumably in confidence. i mean i respect basically everyone enough not to talk about their personal stuff but especially i wouldnt repeat his information. but he said things i understood and related to and i told him about why specifically. these are lessons in personal history. i stayed out til 2 AM with him and didnt even realize it. id have stayed out longer if i could have. i knew id have to go home at some point. but every time we have to go back to our respective homes, it still makes me happy because i know it’s good that he goes home, he needs to sleep n stuff, and im happy that i got the time that i did get. I want to be around him a lot. I want to be around him all the time. I know of course I can’t. I don’t get jealous of anyone or anything because I know that he has a life and I’m glad he does and im glad hes doing things he needs to be doing (school and work and that) because even if theyre stressful or if he would rather not be doing them, he still needs to, so im glad hes doing what he needs to. is weird to be happy that someone is just living their life and maintaining their responsibilities and stuff? is it weird to feel joy over the fact that someone is doing things beneficial for themselves even if those are just extremely normal everyday things? is that weird? is it weird to be that much about a person? yeah I guess it is but then again im weird. and im love or something very much like it. so thats how it is.