#maybe i'll throw up a poll of the different ideas i have

[princesssarcastia]

here, have the start of the next story in that one series I wrote two years ago, about what would have happened, if ahsoka tano thought to ask maul who his sith master is.

in which time has passed, old wounds are healed if still tender, and there is a new generation to shepherd and nurture.

—

Ahsoka meets Cilghal for the first time when Obi-Wan volunteers her to lead a group of younglings to Ilum with Master Windu.  Normally, the Temple respects her status as a Ranger too much to snatch her up for missions during those periods she’s on Coruscant to rest, but somehow, this time was different.

She has to jog through the hangar to catch the Crucible in time, which she also doesn’t appreciate.  Force, she didn’t even manage a real shower, just a quick run through the sonic in her quarters, which means her montrals are a touch out of sync with the rest of her; it’s not quite a headache, but it makes her…cranky. 

That’s something she can admit to herself, if not Master Windu, who eyes her when she sheds momentum by nearly sliding up the ramp into the ship, projecting faint irritation in the Force.

Catching his gaze calmly, she pulls her emotions back behind her shields and gives a faint bow.  “Master Windu, it’s nice to see you again.”

“And you, Knight Tano,” he returns, and they walk deeper inside together, the younglings already scattered to set up their bunks in the berth.

It’s been a while since they’ve spoken at any length; most of their interactions are consigned to polite acknowledgement as they pass one another in the halls of the Temple.  Ahsoka honestly wouldn’t put it past Obi-Wan to be forcing them to finally get over themselves, after all these years.  They don’t dislike each other, it’s not that.  But there’s a hum-thrumming of sensitivity itching under her skin whenever they spend too much time together, force-memory of a shatterpoint shared and echoes of tortured laughter cut brutally short.  That’s something she’s spent the last eight years trying to put down.

Though on rare occasions, that edge of a reminder at the back of her head makes for a spectacular spar between them in the salles, and their last bout drew what felt like half the Temple before it was over.  Her musing actually pulls that particular clash out of both of them and into the surrounding Force, and they both soften at once.

Just in time for a little Rodian youngling to dash into the room across from them, chanting, “Knight Tano!  Knight Tano!  Padawan Katooni said when you took her to Ilum you were kidnapped by pirates is that true?  Are we going to be kidnapped by pirates?”

She gets a blinding flash all her own of Ganodi pouting in disbelief at the idea of learning from a droid, but before she can even smile, a chorus of half a dozen other younglings gasp, “Pirates?” and practically stampede into the room in the wake of their fellow.

Mace audibly sighs, and Ahsoka’s not-quite-a-headache has definitely solidified.

But she spends the next hour or so recanting the frankly ridiculous series of events that followed her last trip to Ilum, including being attacked by pirates, being kidnapped by pirates, the worst circus acts she’s ever seen in her life, teaming up with those same pirates, and a brief and terrifying battle with General Grievous. 

Fucking Hondo.

By the end of it, she has all their attention wrapped around her like a cloak, wide eyes following her hands and, in some instances, seeing what she saw through the Force.  A few of them definitely have a talent for clairvoyance, if not outright precognition, which will make this trip interesting, to say the least.  Ilum is strong in the unifying Force.  She does her best to tuck the sheer desperation of that final duel away as she tells it because it’s just another fun story, for them.  Jedi, fighting the forces of evil!  The ups and downs of battle are exhilarating, not horrifying, because they still know in their hearts a Jedi can do anything they set their mind to.

—

Creating a lightsaber is a sacred process, one that unites every Jedi.  These younglings will remember one another for the rest of their lives, remember the feeling of each other in the Force every time they held the physical manifestation of their lives in their hands.

All the crechémates Ahsoka built her first lightsaber with are dead.

—

aaaaand that's as far as I got, back in 2021. Cilghal is a real star wars character, a healer-knight from the days of the new jedi order. i figured bariss and ahsoka probably ended up sharing a padawan, given the ending scene of Had we but World enough, and Time.

[seraphinitegames]

The Wayhaven Chronicles—Update 03/March/2023

We're getting soooo much closer to release, guys! Aahh! :D

This week was mostly social media days, which were really a relief to throw myself into. Had great fun writing the content for Patreon and getting lost in the lore of Wayhaven with asks!

Glad patrons have been having fun with the Spring scenario poll already—glad you guys are choosing them because I would seriously struggle to decide, hehe! ;D

We've also been continuing working on Book Three release content, which will be starting very soon because it's April next month! Can you believe it??? We really want to get the word out about Book Three and Wayhaven as we're hoping to build things from here on so as we can start some really exciting ideas in the future (which we'll go more into after Book Three, as that's the main focus right now, obviously, hehe :D).

I did sneakily get a bit more early planning in on Book Four and, well, along with a change in story, the villain is also getting a personality make-over, lol! I've had this antagonist in my head for soooo long but then a new form of them just popped into my head as I was driving home from the hospital one night, and it has seriously stuck. I can't imagine them any other way now!

For people asking if April 6th is still the release date for Book Three—it is as far as I'm aware! I haven't heard any different. Hosted Games handles the release and decides the date, so I'm just here with you guys with fingers-crossed that it sticks, especially as we've planned the run-up to release with content!

We just want to say again how grateful we are for all of your support, well-wishes, and patience during this tough time with our mum <3 She was taken in for a sudden operation on Tuesday and then Wednesday, and though it's going to be very slow, it really looks like we're on the recovery path now! Finally! It's been such a huge relief after so long. I'm actually writing this update from a table at the hospital waiting until visiting hours start so as I can go see her!

Next week will hopefully be the start of the release run-up stuff, some more not-so-sneaky Book Four planning, and maybe a last look over Book Three if Hosted Games can get the files back to me after their proof-reader (fingers crossed!).

Hope you all have the most fantastic weekend! We'll be offline as usual, but I'll update you all again next Friday <3

[draw-n-vent-with-imani]

PatB Review- Happy Narfday

**Before we get into it, I want to apologize for how long this has taken me to get out. I've been juggling a few different projects around and this always got pushed to the back burner.**

Oh dear, you guys want me to start off angry, don't ya?

Okay okay, I said I'd praise every episode at least a little, so I'll start off positive:

The first few minutes were actually pretty decent

Loved the song in this segment, I laugh every time Pinky starts singing

Any episode that gives more insight as to how Pinky thinks has some serious potential, and this one did NOT disappoint in that regard

It really had the potential to have a seriously sweet ending, or at least an interesting ending

Unfortunately...

That's where the positives end

When I tell you that my heart dropped when I read the episode summary before even seeing the segment, it fucking DROPPED.

If you don't need to read an overly negative rant of your favorite segment, here's your que to dip now, I won't be holding back just because I've had a year or two to simmer down.

You're here for the long haul, eh?

Alrighty then

Let's start with the premise: "Brain is forced to celebrate Pinky's Birthday"

There is no better way to piss me off than to word a summary like that. Brain not wanting to celebrate his own birthday is one thing, but to have him despise the idea of celebrating his ONLY FRIEND'S birthday is something completely different. These are the kinds of plotlines where Brain is at his most insufferable because he has to put himself aside. I was actually really worried that Talladega Mouse would turn out this way, but it thankfully didn't (maybe I'll do a review on that one next if it wins the next poll XD).

Brain being 'forced' to do something means he's just going to complain or lie or be antagonistic for the duration of the segment, and in this one he surprisingly manages to tick all of those.

But enough about the premise; I'm sure y'all are more interested in what I think of the meat of the episode. I will tackle this in 3 sections- The Build-Up, The Moment I "Walked Away", and Why the Apology Sucks- and then I'll wrap everything up with my final thoughts. Let's get into it!

The Build-Up (Everything leading up to the reveal)

I went into this segment knowing that there was a 50% chance I wouldn't like it because I HATE plotlines where Brain treats Pinky like he's a 'chore' to deal with, but I was hoping I could be pleasantly surprised.

And the first few minutes actually aren't that bad. Like I said, I love the song, and Pinky actually almost saying that he doesn't want to take over the world all the time could have led to a very interesting conversation.

However, that all changes when Brain decides to lie about the amulet he finds. And I've gotta stop to rant about his 'idea' because it's fucking stupid. So...his plan was to give it to Pinky as a present, take it while he was sleeping, and then use it for his plan (which we all know he wasn't going to enact that night because he had already been up for a FULL 24 HOURS). How stupid does he think Pinky is? It was kind of implied earlier in the episode that Pinky wasn't even really expecting Brain to get him anything. Did Brain think he could just take Pinky's present, one that he loved to the point that he was going to sleep right next to it, and then have that be the end of it? No shit he's going to notice. It makes more sense to just HIDE it for the rest of the episode and have Pinky realize Brain was planning behind his back.

You'll soon realize that a lot of my issues with episodes like these are linked to how if you think about what Brain is doing for more than 5 seconds, it immediately falls apart (i.e. Brain making B.R.A.I.N unfeeling and dumping his feelings on it, making a pocket dimension where he's married to Julia, throwing Pinky under the bus in court).

Anyway, Pinky finds Brain, gets his 'present' and then says this:

"I don't need anything but your friendship to have the best Narfday ever! And I mean it! Zort!"

It is at this point that I knew I would be cringing anytime Brain lies through his teeth. Like I said before, my feelings do end up making me view this episode in a very weird light. Just, Pinky wanted to spend a day with his best friend and not have to worry about ANYTHING. It was a plus to get a gift because he already loves being with Brain so damn much. At this point in season 2, Brain hasn't realized how much he should value his time with Pinky

The next song segment proceeds and then we get to...

The Moment I "Walked Away"

Pinky's confrontation was one of the hardest scenes for me to get through due to one important factor: second-hand rage. I get angry for Pinky a lot of the time ESPECIALLY in the reboot, and this episode had me reach my peak.

For starters, you get to hear Pinky try to get Brain to relax but Brain's trying to lie to get the amulet, which results in it getting destroyed and Brain blowing up at Pinky. This leads to the big reveal that Pinky's birthday had long since past and that he could never find the right time to bring it up until now.

Brain finally realizes he's been a dick and he apologizes and asks for forgiveness. This is where I get irrationally angry

When I tell you I couldn't sit though the scene, I mean every few seconds, I had to pause the video and pace around my room, mentally walking myself through Brain's behavior because I just couldn't comprehend it. What doesn't help is that the structure of the episode prevents any of what Pinky or Brain do in this moment to hit as hard as it really could have.

At this moment, I'm getting into my personal feelings about how I would have written the episode, because the way it is- it's just infuriating:

For starters, I'd make it a full 22 minutes (or at least somewhere between 11-15) because the episode was too damn short for the story they were trying to tell. If they wanted Brain to actually EARN any sort of forgiveness, you can not have him apologize and then have Pinky immediately forgive him. Pinky has more of an edge than that, he's gotten Brain to properly apologize before; let him run off in a huff, or just have him tell Brain "I need some alone time", or SOMETHING

You gotta move the reveal to earlier so that we can see Pinky take some time before he forgives Brain, or give time so that Brain can actually TRY to make it up to Pinky

Brain's apology consisted of him putting himself down and THEN asking for forgiveness; he says NOTHING that implies he won't do the same thing again if he thinks he can get away with it. The reboot gave us one of the darkest interpretations of this character and they give him such an elementary school apology that I just can't accept it.

The whole "returining to the status quo" thing can happen, but why did it have to zoom in so damn quickly? This show just doesn't like letting anyone sit in their emotions

You know what would have been interesting to see? Brain blows up just as he does in the episode, but Pinky goes to get some space and drops his birthday list. When Brain goes to pick it up, he sees what the last thing on Pinky's birthday list was: "Try to take over the world with Brain". Brain has a moment to himself where it is completely silent and he has to live with his mistake and try to make it better. Brain eventually finds Pinky and then gives a PROPER apology

Speaking of the "apology"...

Why the Apology Sucks

I want you to just THINK about the apology again for a second:

"PerhapsI did end up solving my Absolute Zero theory after all, Pinky. For I'm an Absolute Zero when it comes to being a friend. Can you ever forgive me?"

Brain's never been the best at issuing apologies, but this one got be riled up, so I felt the need to add this section in to analyze exactly what makes this not work.

An Ohio State University study cited 6 elements of an effective apology:

More specifically:

Looking at the 2 key elements, while Brain's apology meets the first requirement, he fails to offer to fix the problem himself. Instead, Pinky is the one to ask to do the last thing on his list and Brain allows it.

What's more is that out of the 6 main elements, Brain really only meets 2 of them through his words: Expression of Regret, and Request for forgiveness (the article even talks about how the request isn't the strongest element)

Like I said earlier, Brain spent a majority of the apology saying how bad he was instead of showcasing that he fully understands why Pinky is upset or how sorry he is or saying how selfish he was or simply offering Pinky another chance to do something for his birthday now that he knows it was several weeks ago.

I know I'm being extra hard on Brain, but if you've heard any of my past rambles, you know it's because of how much I love his character and I was actually rooting for his arc he was going on in the reboot.

Final Thoughts

Happy Narfday was an episode that not only met my expectations, it exceeded them in how I expected Brain to be portrayed in this episode.

Have any of you watched "A Family That Poits Together"? Well the first couple of minutes of that episode is EXACTLY how Brain was written for over half of this episode's runtime. Brain being unreasonably angry and annoyed at Pinky the whole time gets irritating and the ending just sends me over the edge in second-hand rage.

Is this an awful episode? No, not by a long shot by this season's standards. Was it the most disappointing? Actually no, that award goes to a completely different season 2 episode.

What this episode represents in my eyes is an attempt to make Brain be more considerate of Pinky, and by my standards, it failed horribly

And with that, this is where this ramble ends

Thank you for being so patient with me, and I'll see you soon with the next episode poll!

[toxic-ship-tournament]

ROUND 3 / POLL 2

Matejka x Darling Nikki (@outpost-31 & @rhaaclaws) vs Esmerelda Poofenplotz x Alice Luoja (@cantdanceflynn)

who makes up your ship?:

Matejka (he/him) [by @outpost-31] and Darling Nikki (she/they) [by @rhaaclaws]

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

Darling Nikki and Matejka met in 1524, after Nikki's mother's death, and got into a duel- proposed by Matejka- at the price of Nikki's soul. She ended up winning the fight, and was turned into a vampire. They stayed together afterwards due to both being immortal, and have known each other closely since then. The reason why we think they deserve to win is their extreme codependence: Matejka is extremely attached to Nikki, because she looks like his dead wife Esmé, whom he's still in love with. Nikki takes advantage of him and roleplays as Esmé during sex. This unhealthy attachment to Nikki began consuming his life, so they got into a fight and split up for nearly 100 years. This caused the both of them to become incredibly suicidal, as they'd known each other for 4 centuries at this point, and they barely knew how to live without each other. Even missing each other so dearly, their relationship has the tendency to be very unhealthy. Once, Nikki insulted Matejka's dead wife as a joke, and he almost dragged them out to the sun in an attempt to kill them. Another time, she tried to eat Matejka (due to being a cannibal), but thought his black blood was disgusting. They know each other like no one else does, but still have layer of distrust. Nikki doesn't even know Esmé's name. Altogether, their bond is an incredibly complex one due to the nature of their immortality, but their unhealthy overreliance on each other has nearly ruined both their lives.

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

Ship name: Red Flags And Long Nights Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4GJDQdhpDITspMvp9c99m9?si=29599a8e944946a3

****

who makes up your ship?:

Esmeralda Poofenplotz(Canon Phineas and Ferb character(although I draw her differently from canon)) and Alice Luoja(Background character turned Phineas and Ferb oc)

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

THEY BASICALLY STARTED OUT AS TWO DUMBASS TOXIC AF TEENAGERS GOING TO EVIL SCIENCE HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER AND BEING THE TERRORS OF THE SCHOOL(POOFENPLOTZ BC SHES BIG ON BEAUTY AND WOULD BASICALLY DESTROY EVERYONE'S SELF ESTEEM AND ALICE BC. SHES WILLING TO KILL ANYONE WHO RLY FUCKS W HER), AND WHILE THEY ORIGINALLY HAD A RIVALRY IT GOT A LIL TOO HOMOEROTIC VERY QUICKLY AND THEY DON'T RLY KNOW HOW BUT THEY ENDED UP DATING. THEY ENDED UP, SURPRISE SURPRISE, RUINING EACH OTHER EVEN FURTHER THEN THE TWO OF THEM WERE ALREADY TRAUMATIZED!!!! A TYPICAL INTERACTION BETWEEN EM PRETTY MUCH WENT ALONG THE LINES OF POOFENPLOTZ POKING FUN AT SOMETHING ABOUT ALICES BODY OR PERSONALITY SHE KNEW WOULD TICK ALICE OFF("YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, BUT THROWING UP YOUR LUNCH LATER COULDN'T HURT"), ALICE GETTING PISSED OFF AND PULLING A KNIFE ON HER("YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR TONGUE, STOP THAT HORRIBLE NOISE YOU CALL A VOICE"), AND THEN SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN OR ONE OF THEM WOULD FUMBLE OR FLIRT AND THEY'D JUST GO BACK TO NORMAL BANTER AND TERRORIZING PEOPLE. THEY DID CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND WHATEVER THEY WERE EXPERIENCING CERTAINLY FIT SOMEWHERE WITHIN THE STRANGE AND NEBULOUS RANGE OF ROMANTIC LOVE, LIKE THEY DEFINITELY LIKED EACH OTHER, THEY WERE JUST TOXIC AS SHIT AND HAVING THEIR BEHAVIORS EXPANDED UPON OR REINFORCED BY THEIR ENVIRONMENT. EVENTUALLY ALICES OBSESSION W GODHOOD AND HER IDEA OF PERFECTION (ONE THAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE, EVEN IF POOFENPLOTZ MADE IT MORE PHYSICAL) ENDED UP DRIVING THE TWO APART, WITH HOW HORRIBLE ALICES DECLINE WAS, AND POOFENPLOTZ ENDED UP BASICALLY LEAVING AND IGNORING HER AS A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SNAP HER OUT OF HER DECLINE BUT ONLY PULLED HER FURTHER IN. AS IT STANDS NOW IN THE PRESENT, THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS A COMPLICATED SPIRAL OF "POOFENPLOTZ ACTUALLY HEALED AND REALIZED HOW AWFUL SHE WAS BEING AND WHILE SHE STILL HAD A DEGREE IN EVIL SCIENCE SHE HAD TO USE SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL GET A JOB DOING THAT, SHES ALSO RLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING W THE CAST AND HELP THEM, ESPECIALLY MILLIE AND PINKY, WHILE ALSO DEALING W " WHOOPS YOUR EX IS BACK IN TOWN AND SHES NOW BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE DEATHS THEN MOST FULL ON TERRORISM COMBINED, BUT SHE IS ALSO STILL KINDA HOT SO *NONCOMMITTAL HAND GESTURE*, YA KNOW?", MEANWHILE ALICE IS "OH RIGHT. SHE QUALIFIES FOR LOVEMUFFIN TOO. IM ALLOWED TO DENY ON HER ON TERMS OF HER BEING MY EX, RIGHT? BUT ALSO IM STILL GONNA INVITE HER TO OUR MEETINGS AND ALSO OFFER TO LET HER " LEAD" THE CULT IVE MADE THAT CONSISTS BASICALLY JUST OF MY VERY ABUSED OWN SON AND A VERY ABUSED TEENAGER WITH ME BC IF I CAN CHANGE HER MIND I CAN CHANGE ANYONES!"

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

Esmeralice, https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnP0Xop8gS5VdFNCP4Uetvq2pM5A9NZTe <- BAD PLAYLIST BY MY STANDARDS OF USUALLY A HUNDRED SONGS AT LEAST BUT ITLL DO FOR NOW

[m0ther-of-p3arl]

soooo i'm thinking of writing an au

just gonna throw that out there so yall won't be surprised if i randomly throw a fic or seven in your faces <3

FOR REFERENCE: this is gonna be a long post of me talking about shit i wanna write, it's mostly for my future self to look back and so i have all my thoughts in one place (i'm unorganized ok) and im publishing it so it's easier to find, but this is really mostly for my personal benefit in the future but if you all find it interesting yay thats great :)

anyhow

if i /do/ write an au, and that's a big if as my irl friends know about this acc and the teasing i could endure would be /endless/, it would be:

empires s1, with maybe some traffic characters thrown in- i don't feel like wc meshes very well with empires (else i would add it), unless the witchcraft witches were like at gem's academy or s2 shubble's witch school (OOOH that's an idea in and of itself lol

probably flower husbands based, or maybe mean gills, as they're slowly clawing up my mcyt ship tierlist... i'll have to think a bit on that one, but scott will most likely be the main character, cuz he was my very very first exposure to the wonderful world of empires and mcyt in general (found him through lauren, watched ep 1 of empires s2 and was hooked)

only very loosely based on canon events, i'd more be wanting to play around with the characters. therefore, out of the 3 ideas i have (more on that in a bit) i'd be more inclined to pick the more modern-day ones- though there would be fantasy elements of course like babe its empires

i have 3 main ideas that i feel like i could use- i'll put em in a poll if yall wanna vote, more info on each of them underneath

so yeah the first two are awfully similar- the main difference being that in the first option, the characters would be teachers, and in the second, students. imma go through all these a lil more in-depth, as i have ideas for all of them and i wanna see which one you all would rather read and i shall weigh that in on which one i'll (possibly) (ALLEGEDLY) write

teachers: scott is a teacher/the headmaster (i'll decide which later) at empires university (PLACEHOLDER NAME i swear i will come up with a better one) (probably) and jimmy is a new teacher who's just come onto the scene. he continually messes things up and scott is fed up with him and so they have a CHAT but obviously scott is traumatized by something in his past probably xornoth related or relating to one of the death games (life series) and jimmy is just CUTE but scott doesn't realize it and scott goes on being dumb about it and there is ANGST and such

students: basically the same general plot, but scott lives with horrible parents and jimmy becomes a reprieve and they become like best friends but they both have a secret crush on eachother (like in trust au omdsfksjdlkf go read it right now stop reading this rambling post and go read trust au SO GOOD SLDKFJ its by @/thetomorrowshow) and eventually scott is living at jimmy's house full time (jimmy has a cod tank in his room bc ofc) and then stuff happens heehhehehe no spoilers but again: ANGST

the main deal with these is there's ANGST (but also fluff because the two go hand in hand)

war: this is the main different one sooo it's set in the original empires world, but the cod empire and rivendell have been at war for decades and scott and jimmy hate each other but THEN they like meet one day and neither realizes who the other is until too late because they've never seen each other in real life and it's blasphemy and they like each other and all that yadayadayada ANGST

ummmmm anyway that's my fucking long rambling post done good graciousness this is the longest post i've ever done- anyway let me know (or don't, again, for my personal benefit) which one you would rather read and if any of them sound engaging at all- personally, i'm leaning towards students or war over teachers, i was full-in students but now i have so many great ideas for the war one- god i'm so messed up

that will be all

farewell

[gracefireheart]

'Aight, this'll be my first poll here (as I try to just mooove away from Twitter more and more), and it's 'cause my indecisive ass can't decide between which of these Ryan drawing ideas to do o(-(

And I know a lot of y'all are probably not interested in this character, like-- at all. But eh, I wanna draw him as he somehow still lives rent free in my mind. Below the keep reading line I'll explain a bit more each of the four drawing ideas.

The Angel and the Devil('s Tango) - A redraw of Ryan and Reid as an angel and a devil. I have it sorta visualized in my head of the two maybe doing a sorta tango (hehe, devil's tango) or some other dance. Ryan's fit will be the same as the most recent Ryan drawing I did, while Reid's fit I would have to plan out a bit, which might take some time.

The Elf and the Goblin - Another redraw, but of Ryan and Reid as their bank robbing DnD characters. Ryan as an elf wizard, and Reid as a goblin rogue. I would have to design Ryan's fit to be a bit more fantasy-esque, while Reid-- he basically wore just nothing but underwear and a cap, so no trouble in making up a fit for him. Maybe Ryan'll be holding Reid in his arms or something 'cause he tiny.

He's just standing there... MENACINGLY - I'm unsure whether I want to make this idea look like a scene or just a general drawing piece, but I just want to draw Ryan looking menacing in either his business attire, his Girls' Night outfit I made, or a different suit I remember him wearing. If I'm able to make it into a scene, I'll hopefully be able to add some other characters like Cat and Paddy, or Mia and Rachel, or Erin and Vivi, or Izzy. If I feel extra spicy, I'll give Ryan either a heavy pistol or a shotgun or something.

Punch Out - I visualized this one as a sorta fake scene, something something Ryan either preparing to throw a punch or throwing a punch towards the "camera". He would be wearing the outfit from a Ryan drawing I did a while ago, where he was stretching in a blue and pink tanktop, but would be wearing bandages on his upper arms and maybe have some blood on him and whatnot.

[astrabear]

Various thoughts on kudos/reader engagement, which are unlikely to be of interest to anyone but me -

Like many people who are writers and/or tumblr users, I love me some external validation. At the same time, I'm pretty confident in a lot of my skills. So my issue isn't so much "oh no, people don't like my work, I must be terrible" as it is "argh, this is so frustrating, my stuff is good, why won't people recognize that?"

And in fact, looking at my Ao3 numbers, my ratios are very good. A significant percentage of the people who read leave kudos, and a fair number of the people who leave kudos leave comments. The people who read my fics like my fics. It's just that, relative to the other writers I know, very few people read them. I'm seeing responses to my poll saying that "this has a lot of kudos" means 500+ or even 1000+ kudos. I only have two fics that have over a thousand hits. Half my fics don't even have 500 hits. It's an entirely different world.

Like I said, I'm pretty secure in the quality of what I write. And I've come up with explanations that make sense to me for why I have such a small readership (I don't often write the most popular ship; I usually write short, single-chapter fics; I don't generally write things that give readers happy and/or horny feelings; and I didn't start writing until a lot of readers stopped following the tag and just relied on subscriptions and word of mouth. If I'd started in the earlier days of the fandom, when more readers were checking the main tag and also more readers were interested in a wider variety of content, it probably would have looked very different.) Most of the time I'm ok with this. I write boutique fic for a select audience. There's nothing wrong with that.

But it throws me off a bit when I see just how different some other people's expectations are, even within the same fandom. Like I'll see people reblog posts about how you should write for yourself, not care about kudos, etc etc, and I'll think "that's easy for you to say, you're extremely popular" and then apparently they don't think they're extremely popular, because their idea of what "popular" means is orders of magnitude larger than mine. And then the brain weasels creep in and say things like "maybe you aren't writing boutique fic for a select audience. Maybe it's just that no one gives a shit about your fic and you just make yourself look foolish by pretending you have any significance in this fandom" and I have to go read comments until they go away.

[chaotic-plotter]

@dreamerinsilico <3 sent me a lot of emojis and i'm going to answer them all. from this ask meme

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

is it cheating to say "any of them"? 😂

i haven't written all that many so there's not a lot to choose from. we'll go with "a lighthouse five hundred yards down". at the time, i never planned on writing it, but the idea hit me like a damn anvil one really stupid humid day in summer 2021 and i was haunted until i finally wrote it.

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

the kind where people either tell me why something struck them or where they dive into language/images/etc. mostly because that's what i like to do when i read something (dive into language, images, etc) and also because, even though it's a super limited dataset, fic is the only place i can get random reader feedback (not writer feedback, i have critique partners). i come from throwing myself against (....and sliding on down) the glass hill of trad pub and had never actually gotten any kind of feedback/response from people who didn't know me or my writing before and it was really useful to see what people responded to, if they liked my style, etc.

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

funny enough.....yes? and also funny enough, i sort of get to? in a sense?

i started my long post-fall fic right after my first rewatch back in 2021 and i planned out the whole thing (yes it's still taking me 800 years to finish it, i apologize). but in reality, i sort of have a different outlook on will and hannibal post-s3 than i did at the time. and i'm really going to be rethinking the back half of that fic as i work towards finishing it.

so, essentially, yes, i wish i could rework those first 6 chapters (especially the first 2, wrt to writing style and tone especially!) to better fit whatever pivot i'm going to do in the last 4. i wouldn't change any of will's internal arc, i'm still happy with that, but there's plot stuff that i would.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

not one that anyone can read, but i tried, thinking it would be darkly funny and maybe a good time (why i thought this is a mystery) to write about will post sex with margot. but writing about it in a "will has had sex that was Not Enjoyable but hey it was Sex With a Real Human Person and is reminded of his profound loneliness and has a little cry in the bathtub about it" way.

.......yeah i legitimately made myself upset with that one and had to stop. maybe i'll circle back around to it when i'm not so profoundly lonely.

🪄what is your post-writing/sharing aftercare? How do you take care of yourself or celebrate yourself when you've finished a fic?

i don't have any writing aftercare 😛 i probably should though

mostly i just take a couple of days off from writing after i finish something. idk, does checking your email hoping someone comments count as aftercare? i'm afraid i'm a terrible obsessive and putting things down is not my greatest skill, even if i am exhausted and glad to be done with actively working on them.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

hmmmmmm. well.

the next wip i actually have on the docket is a s1 nudist will au. i'm excited to jump back into hannibal's headspace after being outside of it for so long. he's absolutely insufferable and i can't wait to go full goose menace on everyone in the story (until it turns back on me and he never shuts up 😛)

and then, well, i've got another one-shot challenge after that, which is all about stretching muscles i rarely stretch 😏. i'm still deciding if i want to run a poll about it or if it should be a complete surprise

send me more asks if you like! i love these emoji meme post things

[toxic-ship-tournament]

ROUND 1 / SIDE B / POLL 2

Esmeralda Poofenplotz x Alice Luoja ( @cantdanceflynn ) vs Pash x Illoma ( @floralprintshirts )

lyrics by The Amazing Devil (Battle Cries)

who makes up your ship?:

Esmeralda Poofenplotz(Canon Phineas and Ferb character(although I draw her differently from canon)) and Alice Luoja(Background character turned Phineas and Ferb oc)

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

THEY BASICALLY STARTED OUT AS TWO DUMBASS TOXIC AF TEENAGERS GOING TO EVIL SCIENCE HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER AND BEING THE TERRORS OF THE SCHOOL(POOFENPLOTZ BC SHES BIG ON BEAUTY AND WOULD BASICALLY DESTROY EVERYONE'S SELF ESTEEM AND ALICE BC. SHES WILLING TO KILL ANYONE WHO RLY FUCKS W HER), AND WHILE THEY ORIGINALLY HAD A RIVALRY IT GOT A LIL TOO HOMOEROTIC VERY QUICKLY AND THEY DON'T RLY KNOW HOW BUT THEY ENDED UP DATING. THEY ENDED UP, SURPRISE SURPRISE, RUINING EACH OTHER EVEN FURTHER THEN THE TWO OF THEM WERE ALREADY TRAUMATIZED!!!! A TYPICAL INTERACTION BETWEEN EM PRETTY MUCH WENT ALONG THE LINES OF POOFENPLOTZ POKING FUN AT SOMETHING ABOUT ALICES BODY OR PERSONALITY SHE KNEW WOULD TICK ALICE OFF("YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, BUT THROWING UP YOUR LUNCH LATER COULDN'T HURT"), ALICE GETTING PISSED OFF AND PULLING A KNIFE ON HER("YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR TONGUE, STOP THAT HORRIBLE NOISE YOU CALL A VOICE"), AND THEN SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN OR ONE OF THEM WOULD FUMBLE OR FLIRT AND THEY'D JUST GO BACK TO NORMAL BANTER AND TERRORIZING PEOPLE. THEY DID CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND WHATEVER THEY WERE EXPERIENCING CERTAINLY FIT SOMEWHERE WITHIN THE STRANGE AND NEBULOUS RANGE OF ROMANTIC LOVE, LIKE THEY DEFINITELY LIKED EACH OTHER, THEY WERE JUST TOXIC AS SHIT AND HAVING THEIR BEHAVIORS EXPANDED UPON OR REINFORCED BY THEIR ENVIRONMENT. EVENTUALLY ALICES OBSESSION W GODHOOD AND HER IDEA OF PERFECTION (ONE THAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE, EVEN IF POOFENPLOTZ MADE IT MORE PHYSICAL) ENDED UP DRIVING THE TWO APART, WITH HOW HORRIBLE ALICES DECLINE WAS, AND POOFENPLOTZ ENDED UP BASICALLY LEAVING AND IGNORING HER AS A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SNAP HER OUT OF HER DECLINE BUT ONLY PULLED HER FURTHER IN. AS IT STANDS NOW IN THE PRESENT, THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS A COMPLICATED SPIRAL OF "POOFENPLOTZ ACTUALLY HEALED AND REALIZED HOW AWFUL SHE WAS BEING AND WHILE SHE STILL HAD A DEGREE IN EVIL SCIENCE SHE HAD TO USE SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL GET A JOB DOING THAT, SHES ALSO RLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING W THE CAST AND HELP THEM, ESPECIALLY MILLIE AND PINKY, WHILE ALSO DEALING W " WHOOPS YOUR EX IS BACK IN TOWN AND SHES NOW BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE DEATHS THEN MOST FULL ON TERRORISM COMBINED, BUT SHE IS ALSO STILL KINDA HOT SO *NONCOMMITTAL HAND GESTURE*, YA KNOW?", MEANWHILE ALICE IS "OH RIGHT. SHE QUALIFIES FOR LOVEMUFFIN TOO. IM ALLOWED TO DENY ON HER ON TERMS OF HER BEING MY EX, RIGHT? BUT ALSO IM STILL GONNA INVITE HER TO OUR MEETINGS AND ALSO OFFER TO LET HER " LEAD" THE CULT IVE MADE THAT CONSISTS BASICALLY JUST OF MY VERY ABUSED OWN SON AND A VERY ABUSED TEENAGER WITH ME BC IF I CAN CHANGE HER MIND I CAN CHANGE ANYONES!"

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

Esmeralice, https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnP0Xop8gS5VdFNCP4Uetvq2pM5A9NZTe <- BAD PLAYLIST BY MY STANDARDS OF USUALLY A HUNDRED SONGS AT LEAST BUT ITLL DO FOR NOW

****

who makes up your ship?:

My ocs Pash and Illoma!!

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

OKAY SO theyre blorbos from a book a plan to write and basically the premise is that the main character, Illoma, is tasked with assassinating Pash. Theyre both from different families that have control over dragons and are both dragon riders in their own right. Illoma is from the 2nd most powerful house right after the royal family, which Pash is a part of. Their empire is ruled by an immortal god-king who has had many children over the course of his long life. Pash is one of his many descendants, but highest in the line of succession after her father (which is meaningless since the king is immortal). Basically, Illoma's mother believes that Pash's parents are going to try to find a way to kill their emperor and put her on the throne. This would be a terrible outcome for everyone because Pash is a hedonistic party girl who seems to have no regard for her own life or the lives of other people. She shows up to important meetings drunk/high, has a reputation for sleeping around with women, and is overall just an undisciplined mess. Illoma is a dutiful daughter who follows the rules of society, so when her mother tells her that she needs to kill Pash for the good of the empire, Illoma does what she says. It’s easy to emotionally disconnect herself from the action at first because Illoma doesn’t know Pash at all and doesn’t particularly like her. So she tries to poison Pash. When it fails the first time, she tries again, and again, and again. None of the poisons she’s been given are working. So Illoma is left with no choice but to get closer to Pash so she can try to kill her more effectively. The twist ends up being that Pash is basically a hommuculus created for the sole purpose of dying in some blood ritual that will kill the immortal god-king. She has a year left before this happens, but until then, he body has the regenerative properties of Wolverine. So with what little time she has left, she’s decided to keep herself entertained by fucking with Illoma. At one point, she makes a toast in Illoma’s honor to praise her tenacity and drinks the goblet Illoma poisoned while making direct eye contact with her. It only gets worse from there. As they grow closer, Illoma finds that she has more and more trouble keeping her gay thoughts in check. She is a super repressed lesbian and Pash is a very much not repressed lesbian. Illoma resents Pash quite a bit for being able to break all the rules without any consequences but genuinely has fun when they go out on excursions together. Lots of projection on Illoma’s part and gaslighting on Pash’s (“haha what do you mean you stabbed me last night, Im sitting right here at breakfast!”) Halfway through the story they start boning. Illoma is still actively trying to figure out a way to kill Pash and Pash is both aware of this and aroused by some of her more intimate attempts. They have an actual connection and like each other as people, but they have opposing goals and lots of underlying animosity to work out. In the meantime, they’ll be making out about it.

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

I use the tag "dragon horse girl story" on my sideblog to vaguepost about them!! :D

[toxic-ship-tournament]

ROUND 2 / SIDE A / POLL 2

Esmerelda Poofenplotz x Alice Luoja (@cantdanceflynn) vs Res x Leo (@adanaac)

who makes up your ship?:

Esmeralda Poofenplotz(Canon Phineas and Ferb character(although I draw her differently from canon)) and Alice Luoja(Background character turned Phineas and Ferb oc)

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

THEY BASICALLY STARTED OUT AS TWO DUMBASS TOXIC AF TEENAGERS GOING TO EVIL SCIENCE HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER AND BEING THE TERRORS OF THE SCHOOL(POOFENPLOTZ BC SHES BIG ON BEAUTY AND WOULD BASICALLY DESTROY EVERYONE'S SELF ESTEEM AND ALICE BC. SHES WILLING TO KILL ANYONE WHO RLY FUCKS W HER), AND WHILE THEY ORIGINALLY HAD A RIVALRY IT GOT A LIL TOO HOMOEROTIC VERY QUICKLY AND THEY DON'T RLY KNOW HOW BUT THEY ENDED UP DATING. THEY ENDED UP, SURPRISE SURPRISE, RUINING EACH OTHER EVEN FURTHER THEN THE TWO OF THEM WERE ALREADY TRAUMATIZED!!!! A TYPICAL INTERACTION BETWEEN EM PRETTY MUCH WENT ALONG THE LINES OF POOFENPLOTZ POKING FUN AT SOMETHING ABOUT ALICES BODY OR PERSONALITY SHE KNEW WOULD TICK ALICE OFF("YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SAYING YOU NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT, BUT THROWING UP YOUR LUNCH LATER COULDN'T HURT"), ALICE GETTING PISSED OFF AND PULLING A KNIFE ON HER("YOU KNOW, MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL CHOP OFF YOUR TONGUE, STOP THAT HORRIBLE NOISE YOU CALL A VOICE"), AND THEN SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN OR ONE OF THEM WOULD FUMBLE OR FLIRT AND THEY'D JUST GO BACK TO NORMAL BANTER AND TERRORIZING PEOPLE. THEY DID CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER, AND WHATEVER THEY WERE EXPERIENCING CERTAINLY FIT SOMEWHERE WITHIN THE STRANGE AND NEBULOUS RANGE OF ROMANTIC LOVE, LIKE THEY DEFINITELY LIKED EACH OTHER, THEY WERE JUST TOXIC AS SHIT AND HAVING THEIR BEHAVIORS EXPANDED UPON OR REINFORCED BY THEIR ENVIRONMENT. EVENTUALLY ALICES OBSESSION W GODHOOD AND HER IDEA OF PERFECTION (ONE THAT HAD ALWAYS BEEN THERE, EVEN IF POOFENPLOTZ MADE IT MORE PHYSICAL) ENDED UP DRIVING THE TWO APART, WITH HOW HORRIBLE ALICES DECLINE WAS, AND POOFENPLOTZ ENDED UP BASICALLY LEAVING AND IGNORING HER AS A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO SNAP HER OUT OF HER DECLINE BUT ONLY PULLED HER FURTHER IN. AS IT STANDS NOW IN THE PRESENT, THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS A COMPLICATED SPIRAL OF "POOFENPLOTZ ACTUALLY HEALED AND REALIZED HOW AWFUL SHE WAS BEING AND WHILE SHE STILL HAD A DEGREE IN EVIL SCIENCE SHE HAD TO USE SO SHE MIGHT AS WELL GET A JOB DOING THAT, SHES ALSO RLY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT EVERYTHING W THE CAST AND HELP THEM, ESPECIALLY MILLIE AND PINKY, WHILE ALSO DEALING W " WHOOPS YOUR EX IS BACK IN TOWN AND SHES NOW BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR MORE DEATHS THEN MOST FULL ON TERRORISM COMBINED, BUT SHE IS ALSO STILL KINDA HOT SO *NONCOMMITTAL HAND GESTURE*, YA KNOW?", MEANWHILE ALICE IS "OH RIGHT. SHE QUALIFIES FOR LOVEMUFFIN TOO. IM ALLOWED TO DENY ON HER ON TERMS OF HER BEING MY EX, RIGHT? BUT ALSO IM STILL GONNA INVITE HER TO OUR MEETINGS AND ALSO OFFER TO LET HER " LEAD" THE CULT IVE MADE THAT CONSISTS BASICALLY JUST OF MY VERY ABUSED OWN SON AND A VERY ABUSED TEENAGER WITH ME BC IF I CAN CHANGE HER MIND I CAN CHANGE ANYONES!"

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?:

Esmeralice, https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnP0Xop8gS5VdFNCP4Uetvq2pM5A9NZTe <- BAD PLAYLIST BY MY STANDARDS OF USUALLY A HUNDRED SONGS AT LEAST BUT ITLL DO FOR NOW

****

who makes up your ship?:

Res and Leo

why does your ship deserve to be considered the most toxic?:

Leo can’t remember anything that has happened to him before the age of twelve. All anyone knows is that he was in an accident that should have killed him, then he returned with an indestructible body and a void where his personality should be. He cannot comprehend good or evil, does not understand the concept known as ‘choice’, and cannot envision an existence where Res isn’t his Master. He imprinted onto Res the moment he met the other man and pushed himself into Res’ life without considering whether or not Res might want it. His first Master did not pass, he simply changed how he looked, and what he looks like now is Res. Period. He has nothing to offer, nothing to say, no emotions and no heart to give. All he knows are the facts, and the facts tell him that there is no Leo without Res. So he’ll make sure that there’s no Res without Leo. Res has always been very into science, but he isn’t too fond of how there are a bit too many restrictions on the experiments he can perform, and he’s even less fond of how they die whenever he tries some of his more ‘exciting’ stuff. Thankfully he has Leo, his little obedient puppy who will obey his every word and donate his body for research. Of course, he’s never asked him whether he was okay with that, but signing a consent form is so old school. He believes that we should be doers, not dreamers, and he’s always wanted to see what the insides of Leo’s body looked like. And all the resistance it’s putting up just makes it all the more exciting. Leo spells unending excitement, and that’s all the reason Res needs to make sure no one else has him. Res is life, but he is not Leo’s purpose for living, because Leo has not questioned whether or not life has a purpose. He doesn’t need to. Res is Leo’s Master, and Leo’s Master is the very concept of life itself. Without his Master, the earth does not spin, and the sun does not shine. Why would it be anything else? Leo is not a person, he is Res’ dream. The dream of a creature that would do nothing but obey his every word, and the dream of an anomaly that he could endlessly explore without an expiration date. A thing that Res will never get bored of. To Res, Leo is just an adorable lab rat who happens to be the only one in the world who can fulfill his dreams. He does not care for Leo, the person, because Leo is not a person, but he does care about Leo, the humanoid playground that belongs to Res, and Res alone. This is love, because love is when someone makes your heart race, and love is when someone makes you feel like you’re free-falling into obsession. Res loves him, loves him, loves him loves him loves himloveshim. Just as we don’t get emotionally attached to the oxygen that keeps our heart beating, Leo does not get emotionally attached to Res, and he doesn’t need to. This isn’t love, it’s something more than that. Love can change, fade and evolve- it’s fickle, fleeting and easily manipulated. What Leo and Res have is a constant. Res belongs with Leo, and Leo belongs with Res. Don’t argue with the facts. Because you’re wrong, and Leo will make sure you know you’re wrong, no matter who you are. It’s a good thing they’re with each other, and no one else. (Leo is Uno's oc, Res is Canada's oc. Above description written by Uno. Canada's description below) They're basically like those AITA stories where both are the asshole and its a good thing they're together and making each other worse. btw Res is the short pink one and Leo is the tall one.

ship tags/playlists/pinterest boards?: