#maybe i’ll try it out sometime
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it’s so cute seeing everyone so excited on the dash 😭
#birdie rambles#happy for you dragon age enjoyers 🫵🏻#maybe i’ll try it out sometime#anyway HI i don’t ramble much here on main anymore#i hope you’re all having a good day <33
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Nick and Pearls
#still trying to figure out how I wanna draw Phoenix.. specifically his eyes it’s hard for me to get em right#I couldn’t stop imagining Phoenix carrying Pearl on his shoulders during the investigation.. she was too worried abt maya that she#couldnt sleep!! I think its sweet she wanted to help with the investigation and tagged along#i think I do better with the investigation parts since its more like putting clues together.. but I suck at the trials cuz its hard to#keep up with their train of thought like. sometimes I’ll KNOW how to answer but idk what the right piece of evidence is#and the penalties make it nerve wracking but I wanna see it get put together#like ‘how can I prove the suicide note is forged’ oh maybe I can use Celeste’s photo since she signed it.. that way u can#compare the handwriting on the note right#WRONG u present the suicide note. I got fucking dinged for that sigh#ace attorney#aa#Phoenix wright#pearl fey#art#doodles
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tagged by ko @tofumilanesa for wip wednesday! big shout out to writevember for making me feel like i can actually call any of these works in progress… your guide to my emoji code under the cut
wip!
🪻🐈⬛ - the doc title is still just. YOWLING but i am like 7/8 of the way done with omega yamo fic and hopefully salem isn’t reading this so i can just drop it over a year later with no warning <3
🫃2️⃣ - DEWEY^2 P2!!!! she is almost done (i am lying) but she is so close i can almost taste it. sorry to my pwp that grew its own feelings baby
😇🤭 (🕒 -> 🕜) - rip i’m not telling you about this one until it’s posted but it IS complete aside from being ao3 formatted and the eight billion edits i inevitably do right before full-sending it
☁️💧 - cloud petey fic, which exists mostly as an embarrassingly large tag on a different blog and is condensing into a narrative about as well as water at 30° N/S. the time loop fic also falls under this description
eternally in progress (short list)
🌑🐕 - tyler borzoituzzi exists… there is an index of scenes/plot points… it plays like a movie in my head…
💯❕- fantastic! ‘verse
👁️👻 - stevie brandon seeing ghosts au, which has eight different (now nine i guess but you haven't seen the mustache adam post yet) plots. sorry
just. rotating like a microwave
🍎 - because they didn’t have a pomegranate emoji, this is what i used for the fic that feels like it should be a 50k connor bedard character study hanif abdurraqib/cathal kelly thesis about legends and mythmaking in sports and eating your young. yes i know pomegranates aren’t actually pomes and apples are but it’s fine
🦈 - the one cat da fuck they doing over there meme but about the sharks just like. in general. more on this at five
tagging @colap1nto, @songsandswords, @whitenikes, @gordiemeow, @acheronist, and anybody else who wants to share!!
#i regret to inform the public (beloved mutuals who read my tags) that we have hit the doldrums re: creativity.#got SO excited because i had no prep for tomorrow and got out unreasonably early and proceeded to do nothing 🤩 zero motivation/inspiration#anyway. being a big baby. have looked at dewey^2 for too long and now hate it which makes me sad because i was on SUCH a roll solving plot#and really i just need to pick something else from my (looks at smudged hand) 10000 other documents but none of them are calling my nameeee#maybe i’ll ao3 format 🕒 -> 🕜 or maybe i’ll read wandering stars (did finish a book this morning) and then hope something strikes me#preferably very aggressively like with the force of a train? OHHHHHH YOU GUYS MAYBE I COULD MAKE SOMETHING FOR HOLY JUMPING MACKEREL FEST#because you know what DID hit me upside the head like a 2x world champ coming from behind with the steel chair WAS BERGY & JOE GUESS WHO#joey first of all did not deserve to lose those games and second of all i am SO immensely delighted i don’t know if it’s on here yet i am#so sure at least one of my beloved drw moots (beth and nik are likely culprits but all of u would) has it on here yet BUT THERE’S SO MUCH#BERGY VERY BLATANTLY CALLING JOE A NERD BC HE KNOWS ALL ABT HIS TEAMMATES &LOVES THEM!! BERGY NOT KNOWING A SINGLE FUCKIN THING ABT ANYONE!#the absolute unsurprised yet still heartbroken disbelief & disappointment of joe saying ‘he uses black tape!’ oh that’s rent-free forever#anyway.#liv in the replies#p.s. it's fic friday now don't worry about how late i am#as always ask away ask about anything in post tags y'all know i love to yap u are always welcome in the inbox or dms#i was trying to be slightly less mysterious about all of these but i am a secret-keeper sorry and also you need to live inside my brain#in order to understand half of what i'm referencing sometimes. sorry.#also there are some un-hockey fic projects i want to do but i have. so little time in my life for anything sometimes that we will make do
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Ngl im not really someone who cries much, like I can't, and there is this one song (the underworld, EPIC: the musical) that always makes me sad but I can't cry and it felt shity and then I explained to someone why it was so sad and saying it outloud made me cry and it felt good to finally be able to cry for that song
Umm
You should listen to epic the musical
It's like
25 songs
15 more are on the way
Most of them don't make me cry
The fact that this is the first piece of media too make me cry should tell you a lot about it's quality.
Oh man. I just gave it a listen and holy moly. You’re right, might have to listen to the whole thing! It HIT right in the gut.
#blue babbles#I’ve been listening to hadestown nonstop so it’s funny to switch from one song of a guy trekking into the underworld to another#I get tears in my eyes pretty often but I don’t sob that much! maybe once a few months#my tear ducts are very reactive but the rest of me isn’t… I’ll have a few tears but I’ll be like ‘I’m fine idk why my eyes are still cryin’#sometimes I cry while writing but then I’ll look at it like ‘is this good?? am I just a baby?? will this make people emotional??’#I can force myself to cry pretty easy bc I’m very good at getting in the headspace of a character esp if it’s a sad one#like Lydia for the next CorpseJuice chapter… she cries quite a bit in the first scene and OOF#dehydrated myself trying to figure out what expressions people make while crying#thanks for the rec Raine!!! it looks super rad!! I LOVE Greek mythology#if not obvious by my overabundance of references to it in loopjuice
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Art challenge: color a characters hair without making the parts that should be in shadow / shaded / darker than the rest of the hair a lighter color instead.
Difficulty level: IMPOSSIBLE
#idk. when I started doing this. but once I started I never stopped. I can’t stop#I cannot shade hair normally I CANNOT make the behind the neck under ear area a darker color I CANT#I USED TO BE ABLE TO BUT NOW I CANT#even acknowledging it as a thing I do I still.. can’t#it’s always gotta be lighter#there is always some mysterious bounce light or spotlight shining upwards on the character or thru there hair iDK#there is no physical sense behind it I think I just saw other ppl do it thought it looked pretty and started doing it myself#and. I still think it looks pretty ! but also! I think it’s probably holding me back!#like surely there is a time and a place for this pretty thing and maybe that time isn’t ALWAYS#at myself… ghghg my refusal to think hard about lighting is one of the things I get disappointed about w my art a bit#like… I can sit there like. wow.. almost all my pictures have nebulous unclear lighting. maybe I should work on that#and then I do not ever work on that#I used to do lighting pretty well when I was younger but know a days I typically dont…#le sigh. it’s whatever tho#either I’ll eventually buckle down and get out of my comfort zone and try doing good clear lighting that makes sense#or I won’t! I’m not a professional artist me not being the best lighting doesn’t actually matter lol#pepper words#I mean. I think sometimes I have managed to color hair with the underside shaded recently. but it rlly is not the norm for my art#typically it mostly only happens if the character has a light base hair color. if they have a darker base hair color.#9 times out of 10 that shit is getting under lighting / nebulous highlights from nowhere lol
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I’m like Johnny Truant in the tags of every goddamn post I make or reblog on this site and I’m not apologizing. If you want me to apologize come over to my house and you can talk to the minotaur about it
#House of leaves#im literally going insane these days I should go back to journaling but I’m also afraid of how far off the deep end I’ll go#Literally I am losing it and I’m being serious#I’m so fucking tired of being lonely and being left out and not being able to make connections#Sometimes I feel as if im doing things without realizing and no one is telling me about it#Other times it feels like I must have something incredibly wrong with my face or body and no one will say anything#People make plans and don’t bother to ask me if I want to join and then when I find out there’s a group chat that all my friends are in#Except me and when I asked if I could join I was given a bunch of reasons that were frankly bullshit why I couldn’t join#Are they talking shit about me? I know everybody there it’s not like I am a stranger#Am I just a stranger in this world as I unllikeable? I try my best to be nice and charitable but what am I missing?#Do I black out and say things and do things? Am I more mentally ill than I know?#The only reason (or one of the very few) why I stay alive is because of my horses because I know they would miss me and I already feel bad#Not seeing them everyday#I’m tired of being the odd one out I’m tired of being entertaining when necessary#I don’t want my only friends to be horses because it further alienates me from the rest of society and I just want to be accepted I’m not#Looking to fit in I just want connection and friendship and I can barely seem to manage that#Maybe I’m just not worth it.
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I finished playing Jedi Fallen Order for the first time recently, and I really wanted to draw Nightsister Merrin my beloved!
#Star wars#jedi fallen order#nightsister merrin#I was kind of sad that she doesn’t wear her full Nightsister outfit anymore once she joins the crew#I want to draw that outfit at some point but the last time I tried it didn’t work out that well so maybe I’ll try again sometime
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The evil demon in my head says I’m a terrible horrible no good very bad writer and I MUST NOT let it win. Even if this wip is not knocking anybody’s socks off right now I have to trust it will become good eventually!!! Just keep swimming!! Just keep swimming!!
#writing feels like mud wrestling a crocodile sometimes#chapter 6 is simply not horrifying enough and megumi is too passive UGH#I don’t think it’s a bad chapter per se but it bores me 💀 and it feels aimless#is it only boring bc I’ve read it a million times or would a reader also be bored?#I’m trying to just let it be bad so that I can go back and fix it in the next draft but it’s soooo hard to not be a perfectionist#I know it will come together eventually#nine times out of ten that’s what happens#I just wish knowing what the next right thing is could be a quicker and easier process#anyway. boo hoo I’m an inefficient writer break out the tiny violins#I’ll wake up tomorrow and write some more before we go out for Mother’s Day morning tea#maybe then I will have a breakthrough#or maybe I will keep slowly plodding on day after day bit by bit until I’m close to satisfied#happy Australian Mother’s Day to all your mums btw!#lyrebirds speaks
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genderfluid rant
i’ve LONG come to understand my own identity & be happy with myself (which was really difficult coming from a lifetime around religious & homophobic people)
but now i want to more openly express myself!! and that’s really scary!! and unfortunately the only gender affirming thing i can do is HOPE ppl read my mind and know how to refer to me even though i don’t know how to cue them in 😞 of course appearance does NOT equal gender but i just get too nervous to express what exactly i wanna be referred to as
i can’t really change anything physical about my appearance bc my mom clocks a lot of the staple queer styles & would probably freak out lmao
#idk maybe i’ll try the different color bracelets to discretely que in friends while i work up the courage to be PUBLICALLY genderfluid#idk ig even though a lot of my friends are queer most of them are cis??#so trying to explain to them how i express myself gets really awkward sometimes#especially when i always dress and look pretty feminine??#and sometimes ppl don’t get that i literally just don’t know what to do to make myself look more masculine/androgynous#SIGHS#maybe SOMEDAY i’ll just crash out and come out to everyone spontaneously#like ripping off a bandaid#thankful for the friends who DO know though#genderfluid
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what do you do when the girl you spent the better part of the last decade in love with calls you up to tell you they dumped their girlfriend and quit their job and would you like to go spend a couple weeks on a beach in greece with them because they miss you and love you (not like that) . and you miss them and love them (not like that. anymore) and you’re probably not getting into grad school anyway and even if you did you can’t keep moving countries to start over because that doesn’t fix things and you could use the money you have saved that you were gonna put towards tuition to buy a plane ticket and sublet a beach villa instead. because you miss them and you love them and you’re tired of missing them and loving them has always felt good and you never feel good anymore and whatever maybe you can just have a lovely few weeks in fuckin greece and just. that’s enough you don’t have to try more than that they go back home and you stay on a beach in greece for as long as anyone else will remember . hypothetically. you should do that, right
#this is rhetorical look away!!!!#it’s an either/or : this or trying to go to grad school#but the thing is#at some point i convinced myself that a change of place and building a new life would make me happier than rotting in my parents house#in my hometown where i feel like im in a timeloop sometimes#but it wouldn’t? i Love my friends but. i am sad here and i was sad in scotland and i was sad in cambridge and. i will be sad wherever i go#it’s not a fixable thing#being around beth is a bandaid on it#so maybe i should slap the bandaid on buy a plane ticket and then. whatever i will be sad After or#i know i sound insane but the thing about being obsessive is that when one person physically has your back when you are 20 years old#it makes sense that they feel like the only thing that will help fix it#sorry this sounds strung out i have like three different things in my system that i will sleep off and be fine im not having a meltdown#this just feels like a Decision To Be Made and i thought typing it out would help give me some clarity or whatever#made a list but i wrote ‘washed your hair when you couldnt do it’ and i’ll be so honest that’s all the convincing i need to do#anything they ask of me ever#idk where my bank card is so no financial decisions tonight anyway#if u have read all of that. apologies and goodnight x#n
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It frustrates me to no end that everyone I talk to someone new my brain catastrophises to the point where even though I know logically it’s fine, and normal, and fun, I end up making it a bigger deal in my head that I know it is…I think myself into spirals that the logical part of my brain knows are ridiculous and dramatic and improbable, which stress me out more than is entirely necessary…it’s so tiring to exist and participate in the social world sometimes
#personal#night time ramblings#the potentially autistic side of my brain really comes to party when I begin a new social relationship in any capacity#my analytical brain is not compatible with the lawless wasteland of socialising with someone new#gonna just ramble a bit about this situation here where I don’t have to make a lotta sense#I’ve been talking to a guy I’ve known for many year but never been properly friends with#we were in the same friendship circle when we were teenagers#but in different groups#we’ve literally been talking again for maybe 5 days#it’s taken me a few days to be more or less certain that our conversations are more than 2 sort of old friends catching up#like I think we’ve been flirting a little we’re going to go for a drink maybe he jokingly called me babygirl earlier#it’s been nice to be in that talking stage with a guy but without the awkward first few conversations where you’re getting to know the basic#I’ve always thought he was a nice guy our political and moral leaning have always been pretty similar he’s alright looking#that’s the extent of it#but of course my brains going haywire#scripting conversations I need to have if this become serious#wondering how hell react to less fun things about me physically or personality wise#wondering if and when we’ll ever have sex and if hell be any good 😂#trying to work out if hell get on with my family#like the whole 9 fucking yards#and it’s so fucking silly#like it isn’t that deep in the fucking slightest#it has the potential to be#and if it’s not it won’t be that upsetting to me#I’ll be a bit bummed out for a day or 2 and that’s it#I know myself well enough#but in the moment my brain always speed runs times everything could go wrong reasons it could fail reasons things will never succeed for me#and it doesn’t help that almost every romantic partner or potential I’ve ever had has proved this dumb shit right#but at what point does it become a self-fulfilling prophecy?#I sometimes think deep deep down I’m just a hopeless romantic hidden under layers of cynicism and emotional repression😂
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There is a phoebe bridgers i know the end edit rolling around my brain the past few days for my other sports special interest (figure skating)
#for those of you that havent been here for five years yeah thats the other big one#i only get obsessed with sports that a number of people would argue are not sports at all#sportsball 😠👎 motorsports/artistic sports 🫶🫶🫶👍👍👍🥰🥰🥰 my love#anyway i wish you lot could see this edit its so good#maybe i’ll make it sometime. im free friday evening i’ll try it.#editor moots i will be entering your messages if i go through with this watch out
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I really thought I was a relatively calm stress free person before meeting other people.
#none of u feel like vomiting when thinking about doing anything huh……… that’s not normal…..#Alas. I will have to live this way for now. maybe exposure is all I need. I’ll just realize it’s not scary and nobody hates me.#^ not going to happen but ehhhhh.#It really is no one else seems concerned at all w how anyone sees them or like. worried about it more.#hm. hm. ^_^ aw well. I do be hanging around w the most carefree ass guys in the world that might also not be normal.#he definitely seems more put together than one should. Everyone else is still being silly 💭💭#I’m not being silly bc of the horrors and he’s not being silly bc been there done that . And then there’s the super awesome girl#who is incredibly silly but also like sometimes it peeks out how smart and like put together she is really. Which. She’s so awesome.#I need to get like that I think. I am hanging w the right ppl bc I need to get like that.#I will become super awesome maybe through uni by simply trying really hard to catch up w my peers.#also I don’t think I fell that far behind by doing nothing and talking to no one throughout highschool I’m not. As horrific as some#at social interaction. I’m not good but it’s not always a failure. Objectively. In my head it is but.#Wow I spiralled my way out of the spiral ^_^ now I just need to not seem that attached to ppl I’ve known 4 three weeks.#bc it turns out ppl being nice to me turns me very clingy very fast. I have to be normal about this specifically.#they’ve all had friends bf but this is the closest I’ve been to anyone ……….. ehe ^_^
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hello if anyone will allow me to speak abt writing w them please let me know bc i’m Struggling… they call me The Struggler™️ even (“they” being the bad bitches 😞😕)
#i’ve been ‘writing’ and deleting this story for months#or rather . i’ve been talking abt writing this story and then i just Stare at my docs and don’t write anything#UGHDHDHDHHDHDHDHDHDHD#i don’t even know my plot outline anymore 😭#tl is dead and won’t see this and it’s fine bc i enjoy speaking into the void#maybe i’ll try writing tomorrow morning?#idk man.#it’s like i REALLY wanna write it’s just that nothing is coming out + i forgot the Technical aspect of writing/sentence structure/imagery#i’m just ranting in the tags rn but it does help me i won’t lie . i love being a Ranter sometimes :3#personal
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Some au antag doodles
#keese draws#eternal gales#decided to finally try my hand at drawing au fydd#and decided to also draw the two I’ve already designed#I kinda chickened out hard with this au fydd design but that’s mostly because I don’t know how I’d go about implementing the big thing I cut#I wanted to include a nod at my old tazian (the species I recycled for fydd) worldbuilding by giving him some rainbow ‘hair’#but I definitely am not capable of drawing my vision well enough for my standards rn so maybe one day I’ll go for it but not rn#but long story short in the original version of the species those who were more middling height would have strands of or even entirely#rainbow hair which was like 90% me bullshitting but I have thought of a retroactive excuse#long story short most tazians would either be super tiny or like stupid tall and more middling height ones were rare#but one thing I realized lately is that all my tall ones had white hair and all my short ones had black hair#so the retroactive excuse is that the rainbow is a transitional period that usually indicates young age but can sometimes be permanent if#they don’t end up becoming properly tall#and I wanted to nod at that concept with au fydd since he’s 15 and is what would be considered pretty middling height#but that would mean figuring out how I’d wanna go about coloring that and that would make me lose it#for context fydd’s hair is supposed to be a smidge feathery#and also I like to keep my characters having somewhat manageable color pallets#not that I’m particularly good at that but I try#oh also second biggest failure of this drawing I made it so I couldn’t draw his other eye rip#he’s missing his other eye due to basically completely destroying it in the process of blowing up his original universe#the other two aren’t missing any major design elements that I can think fo fortunately#these three are all favorites of mine amongst the au antags they’re so silly#and by that I mean one of them is a grown ass adult torturing teenagers and the other two are heavily traumatized teenagers that are#helping said grown ass adult torture teenagers#well only one of them is properly helping owl is just here to meet her crush#she genuinely did not think the others would get as far and go as hard as they did#au fydd was the first member of the squad au bloom recruited and he is easily the most loyal to her#he’s also the only one au bloom even mildly gives an actual shit abt#au fydd went through a Lot in his original universe and is very ‘let’s burn it all down’ with his approach to helping#owl also went through a lot but she came out the other end just desperately wanting to stop fighting
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..
#sometimes I wonder if people in my life miss me the way I miss them#and logically I’m sure they do#I’m sure they think of me and miss me and all of that#but I think sometimes I have almost like emotional permanence with that stuff#because I’ll go weeks without hearing from close friends or months from family#and then someone will be like ‘hey!’ and it’s great#but then I sit on the other side of it and put more distance than I maybe mean too#just because I don’t want to always be the first to reach out#or to reach out too much and push people away#and I don’t know which answer is the right answer#maybe there isn’t one and doesn’t need to be one#but I think about this a lot#especially lately since I’ve spent more time with myself#I’m for sure trying to make more of an effort with some people#but also just letting people come to me#but neither is really easy or comfortable every time#so idk just some thoughts#and not anything that needs validation or anything like that#just speaking aloud#mine#text post#friends
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