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vannahfanfics · 1 year ago

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Hello it’s Sel. I would like to get Naruto ultimate match up:)

So I’m 18 years old, short, sporty girl with black hair and Asian features. I have and love tattoos and obsessed with gym and sports. I never wear skirts and dresses, my style is a 24/7 sportswear.

I’m extremely introverted and I’m a very bad commutator, I never start the conversation first, it’s really hard to become my friend. People always assume that I’m mean or arrogant by the way I look (because of my 24/7 resting b*tch face😅) but my close ones know that I’m a very funny and kind person. My personality type is ISTP.

So my positive character traits are only for those ones who I trust and like. I’m a very adventurous and spontaneous person. I really love risky and dangerous situations. I’m literally not scared of anything, the only thing I’m scared of is uncertainty about the future .I’m very loyal, I’m ready to do anything for my close ones and I expect them to be as selfless for me it’s really important . I really enjoy traveling, one of my dreams is to live in 5 different countries. I already moved from my home country to Europe. I like learning about different countries and cultures, that’s why I really like history, I love reading about the old events, legends and myths. Really enjoy watching documentaries about criminals. I want to be a sport manager, but if I never liked sports I would’ve been a police officer or detective. In Naruto world I would definitely be a Kunoichi it’s a perfect work for me😍 I’m completely not a lovey-dovey person, and I never express my love with words, it’s pointless and childish for me. I can be totally cold with my closest people with expressing emotions and feelings , but they know that I love and care because I show it with my acts. The only soft spot that I have is animals😩 I feel like a little kid with them, I have a dog and I literally treat him like he’s my baby(because he is🥺) And I hate with passion people who don’t care about animals. I used to be a horse rider until I broke my leg, but I still adore horses and one day I’ll come back. Maybe I’m a cold person but I need an opposite, maybe it’s a little bit selfish but I hate when people are cold with me. I don’t like intrusive people, but someone who’s more communicative and easier than me. I’m a very confident person, but I always expect more from myself and other people. Also I don't like being lazy and wasting time, I'm always worrying that I'm wasting my free time for nothing

So now about my negative traits😅 I’m too straightforward, I don’t think that it’s a bad trait but sometimes the truth turns out too rude. I often offend people without noticing it, but not intentionally, I know that if not me no one’s going to tell them the truth. I’m very short-tempered, I think that’s my main problem. I have anger issues, that’s why I was a trouble child in school and always was arguing and fighting with everyone😂 Now I’m more mature and calm but I’m still getting easily annoyed. I have a crazy mood swings, maybe I’m often unbothered and cold but sometimes i can be really loud. But anyways I can’t stand too childish, silly and immature people, I had friends like this and I always felt like I’m their mom. But good sense of humor is important to me. Sometimes I hide my emotions and how I feel because I don’t want to look weak, it’s a very bad habit. But I’m always here for people when they need to talk about their problems, people say that I could’ve been a good psychologist. I have very good intuition but sometimes I’m too judgmental and pessimistic

Sport is number one thing in my life. I love football, I play and watch it, I love boxing and can spend hours in the gym. I run in the mornings and trying to have healthy lifestyle. For me, my men, it’s extremely important him to be as sporty and active as me, one of my dreams is to exercise and train with my partner. I want him to be attractive, tall and have a good body. What I’m looking for in a guy: being very smart and mature, should accept me with my coldness and straightforwardness, being fun and spontaneous, more easygoing and communicative than me. He should be really understanding and know how to calm me down. I can be too picky 😂 He should be interesting and always ready for adventures:) In my life work and career will always be a number one thing, I don’t dream about marriage or something but I would love to have someone who will share my interest, who will teach me new things in life. So I think that’s it :) Thank you in advance🫶🏻

So sorry for the delay in getting this to you, but at last, here is your match-up! I've been dealing with some gnarly writer's block off and on for the last few months, amidst the endless struggle of medical school, but I seem to be getting my groove back and was thus finally able to make some time (and brainpower LOL) to write this up for you. Thanks again for commissioning, and also for being so patient! So, let's dive right in, shall we?

I match you with...

Kiba Inuzuka from Naruto!

This one wasn't a hard one for me, LOL; it wasn't long into your vignette before I was just like "Oh, this is Kiba all the way!" I've got lots of reasons why I think he's the best fit for you, so without further ado, let's get to the analysis!:

First and foremost, you're the kind of girl that'll catch Kiba's attention! He loves sporty girls; their personalities and interests tend to match well with his, making for a good basis to build a relationship. Plus, he thinks sportswear is so sexy. He's happy to see you all dolled up, of course, but he thinks you're just as striking in sportswear and lowkey prefers it. What can I say? The man knows what he likes LOL!

Your introversion and R.B.F. might put off other suitors, but not Kiba. If anything, he respects a girl with a 'tude, so he's not afraid of approaching a girl who looks like she might rip him to pieces just for trying to start a conversation! He knows that a lot of times these brusque personas conceal a much kinder, softer person, so he doesn't take first impressions at face value. He's more than happy to take the time to get to know the real you—and, as I mentioned before, the two of you have tons in common!

Just like you, Kiba is adventurous and spontaneous; really, can you look at this guy and not instantly think "thrill-seeker"? He thinks your aspiration to live in so many different places and immerse yourself in different places is dope as hell. He's not stricken with wanderlust to your extent, but he's always keen to try or experience new things, so he's totally down for the ride. Admittedly, he's always found history and such pretty boring; but with you, it would be different. The zeal with which you seek and share various histories, myths, and legends is enough to spark his own interest, at least enough to happily let you gush about the things you learned with him and, as your relationship deepens, go out of his way to find things that you might find interesting. If it's something that puts a smile on your face, it could never be boring to Kiba! You're a little more up his alley with your interest in criminal justice, though. The man loves true crime; he could sit around watching television dramatizations and true crime shows for days. It just intrigues him, the way the perpetrators and investigators both think, and the shit they can do with science to solve seemingly unsolvable cases? Awesome!

Kiba is also fiercely loyal and selfless when it comes to those he cares about. It is also a quality he values highly in his significant other—just another reason that you two mesh so well. It's his loyalty that helps him deal with your apparent aloofness. One way in which Kiba differs from you is his readiness to express his feelings and affections; he's like a big puppy, desperate to be close as often as possible and always very open with how he feels. His primary love language is physical touch, so expect tons of cuddles and P.D.A. (to your comfort level, of course; he'd never overstep your boundaries!). Words of affirmation are his secondary love language, so it does admittedly baffle him at first when he finds that you aren't as open with your affections and, as you put it, even cold. The good thing is that Kiba is actually one to readily communicate with his partner, despite his outward gruffness, and he wouldn't sit on his unease for long before bringing it to your attention. Unfortunately, he's not the best when it comes to reading people, so he wouldn't be able to just pick up on the fact that you communicate more through your actions; he'd need you to tell him outright. Once you do, though, all is good! He's quick on the uptake and will soon be able to read the thought and care behind your actions with ease. :)

Kiba even shares some of your "negative" traits, such as being too straightforward. The man does not have a filter; he says what comes to his mind, and this can often come off as rude to other people. A lot of times, Kiba's trying to be rude because he doesn't take bullshit well XD Kiba also has his fair share of anger issues; he was a straight-up hellion of a kid, getting into fights and rebelling against authority. Like you, he's also chilled out as he's aged and matured, but not completely. You two would inevitably butt heads, passionate and hot-headed as the two of you can be. Don't sweat that, though! Kiba's always the first one to apologize. If he feels things are getting too heated, he's quick to step away before things spiral out of control; as soon as his head clears, he regrets fighting with you immediately and will slink back with his tail between his legs to beg your forgiveness, whether he was in the wrong or not. He always comes back with a gift of some sort—flowers, chocolates, something you like—but not to make his apology seem more genuine. He just wants to express his regret in every way possible and show you how much you mean to him!

Sportswear isn't the only reason that Kiba loves sporty girls, LOL. Kiba's a sporty guy, and he wants a gal that can keep up with him! He's into all manners of sports, but getting roughed up and dirty playing rugby or some other intense contact sport is his bread and butter. As one can imagine, he lives a very healthy lifestyle as well, one that includes many hours in the gym. You've definitely found a gym buddy in him! Whatever kind of exercise you like to partake in, whether that's running or weights or kickboxing, Kiba's down for it! He's just happy to spend time with you. :)

Finally, it goes without saying that Kiba loves animals, especially dogs. Literally, he won't date anyone who doesn't like dogs and animals in general; it's a huge part of his life, and he ain't givin' Akamaru up for nobody. You think your dog is a baby now? Wait until Kiba comes around. Your pooch is gonna end up rotten, just like Akamaru is!

I wanna circle back to the only point of real contention that would exist in your relationship: the fact that the two of you can get a little testy. Kiba's not exactly the most easygoing guy, but he is more communicative than appearance and personality would suggest, which is why I stand by matching him with you. I just wanted to delve deeper into that and illustrate through a scenario how good of a communicator Kiba is despite the occasional hiccup:

The two of you will spat. It's inevitable, given your personalities, and what couple is sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time? However, despite his combativeness, Kiba doesn't argue for the sake of arguing, especially not with his significant other. If he argues, it's because it's something he is very staunch about. However, Kiba will really dig in his heels and, after a point, refuse to see logic or reason.

As I previously mentioned, however, Kiba will never let a fight get too intense. He can recognize when things are heating up to a dangerous and unproductive degree, and when it hits that threshold, he just walks away. The last thing he wants is for him to say something that will seriously hurt you just because he's angry, or, heavens forbid, actually hurt you because he's just so riled up. So, regardless of if you're egging it on or not, he'll tell you that he's leaving to go clear his head, and then go do just that.

Kiba takes drives to come down from his anger, and he doesn't sit there stewing and trying to justify himself; he just mindlessly wanders, refusing to entertain any thoughts about your argument until he's of sound mind again—and then the regret hits him like a freight train. Of course it does. He doesn't enjoy arguing with you because he knows it hurts you, and he hates being the source of any pain for you. Justifying his stance in the fight is still the furthest thing for his mind, but now it's because he's desperate to make amends and show you that you're far more important to him then whatever silly debate the two of you were having.

It could be the middle of the day or the middle of the night; it doesn't matter. Kiba's gonna find something that he can buy that you like to show you that he cares. The man'll pick wildflowers off the roadside if he has to. He'll make sure to give you plenty of time to cool off yourself, and he'll always check to make sure that you're okay with him turning up at your door before doing so. If you're not ready, he'll wait until you are; pushing you doesn't exactly show that he cares, and he knows that despite how desperate he is to apologize. If there's a certain way that he knows to help you calm down without inciting your frustration again, he'll definitely do so.

Speaking of apologizing, as soon as you're face-to-face, that's what he's doing. You won't even be able to get a word out before apologies are tumbling from his mouth like a waterfall, and they're completely genuine. He doesn't want to manipulate you or make himself look good; he's genuinely sorry that he let things progress to that point and that he hurt you by arguing with you. Whether you forgive him or not, he just wants you to know that! He knows how important communication is to you, and he dropped the ball this time. He'll do better—and he honestly does! The further your relationship progresses, the more he learns about the way you think, and the better he gets at broaching topics that can cause tension. It takes him time, but he does his best to communicate in the way you need him to.

He's so earnest to make things right that he honestly forgets why you got in a spat in the first place. He won't even let the matter be brought up again until the both of you are completely good. Again, you're far more important to him than anything else could be!

Finally, here's the drabble that is included as part of the Tier III match-up! Given how sports are a big thing for both of you, I decided to do something related to that. Here's the two of you playing some good old-fashioned rough-and-tough backyard American football!:

"Are you sure that you want to do tackle instead of two-hand touch? I know your girl is tough, Kiba, but she's still the only girl here."

"Can it, Naruto," Kiba scoffs at the perturbed blond, and you're caught between feeling bad for the guy for simply trying to be considerate and feeling a surge of pride at your boyfriend's unwavering confidence in you. Kiba throws one arm around your shoulders while the other holds up his hand for him to flip Naruto off. "My girl will be tackling your pathetic asses to the ground, not the other way around. Bet."

"Okay, okay, jeez! You don't gotta be such an ass about it," Naruto grumbles, half-heartedly returning Kiba's vulgar gesture before stooping over to scoop the scuffed, well-worn football up from the grassy ground.

"I'm actually on Naruto's team, remember?" you giggle as Kiba presses a kiss and a self-satisfied sneer into your temple. "So I'll be tackling your pathetic ass to the ground."

"Ohoho?" he laughs as he pulls back to cock a brow at your blatant challenge. "You won't even be able to tackle my dust, babe." When Naruto calls for you to get in position, he gives you a gentle push—one hard enough to get you moving, but gentle enough not to be a forceful shove. You stick your tongue out at him over your shoulder as you walk to where Naruto squats in front of Lee, preparing to hike the ball. Shikamaru lounges on the left flank, looking like he would literally rather be anywhere else; he probably does, but Naruto never fails to entice him into participating in their weekly football match with the promise of free ramen. As you stroll toward the right side, you are keenly aware of Kiba watching your every move. You're wearing the purple-and-black spandex joggers, matching racerback tee, and black sports bra that never fails to leave his eyes glued to you—and you may have done so deliberately, knowing that you'd be playing on the opposite team as him today. He's so engrossed in you and the sexy sportswear that hugs your body that he doesn't register Naruto calling out the play until the last second, just in time for the blond to hike the ball to Lee and then take off at blinding speed for the endzone.

Meanwhile, you race to your agreed-upon position on the right side of the field, ready to receive the ball if Lee can't get a direct shot at Naruto. Sure enough, Choji comes barreling toward Lee with full intent of bringing him down where he stands, and the ravenet begins frantically searching for someone to lob the ball at before he's brought down by two hundred pounds of raw power.

"Lee! Over here!" you shout and wave your arms above your head.

Lee wastes no time in responding to you, throwing the ball in your direction in the split second before Choji tackles him to the ground. You lithely trot backward as you track the ball's arc, following it until it drops right into your waiting hands—no, Kiba's!

"Later, babes." Kiba steals a kiss on your cheek before darting toward the opposite side of the field, leaving you in a stunned stupor. You quickly recover from his sneaky interception, shaking your head vigorously to get it back in the game before charging after him with a yowl. There's no way that you can live down such an insult, and the desperation of avoiding his grandstanding pours energy into your body; you catch up to him five yards outside of the endzone and all but fling yourself at him with a desperate cry.

Kiba yelps in alarm when you slam into his back and wrap both your arms around his middle to drag him kicking and flailing to the ground. In his wrestle to escape your grip, the ball slips from his arms and tumbles to the ground. Howls of "Fummmmmmblllllleee!" fill the air, followed by hoots of laughter and wolf whistles. Hardly surprising, considering that you somehow ended up straddling Kiba in your chaotic grappling.

"Hey," you puff as you sit atop him, chest heaving with ragged breaths and one hand splayed across his own, which was doing the same. The other raked through your hair to pull it out of your flushed, sweat-sheened face.

"Hey," he huffs back with a blank expression. It quickly twists into a sneer, and he winds his arms loosely around your waist. "That was a hell of a tackle."

"I told you that I'd put your pathetic ass on the ground," you tease with a wheezy laugh, admittedly still a bit breathless from your feverish sprint.

Kiba just hums, his fingers tracing idle patterns on the skin revealed from where your tank top was bunched above your hip bone. After a second, though, he tips his head back and shouts down the field, "And you losers wanted to play two-hand touch!"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it," comes Shikamaru's unimpressed drawl. "Are you gonna get up, or did she take you outta commission with that tackle?"

"I ain't outta commission," Kiba gripes back, then looks up at you with gleaming eyes. "I'm just enjoyin' the view~"

You roll your eyes at his flirty remark, but a smile tugs at your lips despite yourself. Just like your heartstrings do when Kiba nods his chin at you in a clear request for a kiss—and, naturally, you indulge him. You hold your hair out of your face as you lean down over him to press your mouth to his own in a sweet but lingering kiss. Not lingering enough, you note with a giggle when you retreat to find Kiba pouting up at you, clearly displeased at only getting one smooch—and a short one, by his standards.

"If you want more, you'll have to catch me~" you chime as you climb off of him and to your feet. As you brush blades of grass from your clothes, Kiba rolls over and hops to his feet; you brush a few grass bits from his tee shirt with a pretty smile, then whirl on your heel to begin flouncing back to your teammates. You don't make it far before Kiba is rushing up behind you to envelop you in a hug, and you squeal as he lifts you off the ground and whirls you around.

"Caught you," he grins before peppering your face and hair with kisses. You giggle and shriek as you wiggle in his hold.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it!"

"Oh, well, too bad. That's how I took it," comes his rumbling reply, and it is followed by another attack of kisses. Unfortunately for the rest of the boys, the game of football is put on hold as Kiba devotes himself to showering you with affection. Oh, well... Kiba was going to lose to you anyway!

Interested in a commission? Check out this post!

#matchups #match-ups #naruto #naruto match-ups #naruto matchups #naruto shippuden #commissions #vannahfanfics commissions

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amberautumnfaebrooke · 1 year ago

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this one is my favorite reply to this post so far.

i've gotten a lot of replies saying things like "they design the arenas before they find out who the contestants are" (guys, this is one of the best-funded entertainment programs in the world, they have a large team of professionals working on this thing, and we see them modify the arena on the fly repeatedly during the games, i don't for one second believe you couldn't modify the games during tech week) and an ENORMOUS number of replies saying essentially "they don't actually want to humanize the contestants."

to which i would say: what? yes they do. they obviously do. what are you talking about?

we can debate whether it's smart or useful for them to do that, but it's clearly what they're doing. they designed a sponsor system into the games which, sure, makes them money, but also obviously has the design effect of strongly incentivizing the contestants to play into their narratives for the crowd. like you say above, all the mentors are encouraging the contestants to play up their stories for sponsor help, this is a decades-long practice, it's a known quantity, they're hardly shying away from it. they built this rules system, they know how it works, it's encouraging public personalization on purpose.

and i mean let's talk caesar flickerman, who sort of stands in in these stories for the whole process of building narratives for these kids. he's a charismatic guy and apparently the main lens through which the capital presents the contestants to the world, and his whole job appears to be to ask them questions to get them to talk about their stories, and to make them look likeable, sympathetic. the capital didn't have to give the kids any media attention, it could have been just a set of games of random children, but they choose every year to get the public invested in this specific group of characters, because it makes the games more exciting. and yeah, the other part of caesar's job is to keep the tone light so it doesn't feel like anyone is watching a murder farm. it feels, like the above poster said, like they're watching a sports event.

this is a point i really love in the above post that i don't think contradicts my original thesis at all. the capital wants people to think of tributes as game pieces, which they do by building up these very arch, melodramatic narratives about them, and which they could support by incorporating those narratives into the arena. the wedding chapel still works in this model.

another thing i love about this reply is the point that the 75th games were an exception, that they had a different design goal but needed to look like they were business as usual. this isn't something i've seen a lot of people saying but i'm actually very ready to concede that point! i don't think it excuses them not telling the contestants the mechanics of the arena, if anything i would argue it only exacerbates that problem, but in terms of the personalization, yeah, ok, maybe the 75th games specifically WOULDN'T have benefited from the wedding chapel, point well made.

my other favorite reply is all the people saying they're obsessed with my jokerfied mind. mwah, i am giving you each a delicate kiss on the forehead.

i think i could design a better death arena for children than those hunger games amateurs.

the whole premise of the games is all pageantry. every year you get a crop of 24 candidates around whom the entire state media apparatus dedicates an entire year to building celebrity narratives. this candidate is the younger sibling of last year's winner - these candidates are young lovers forced to compete - he's smart - she's fast - root for them, care about them, watch them, form opinions on them, bet on them. and then they stick them all in an arena to kill each other, which is a great entertainment premise, except that they make the arenas themselves really boring and generic. ooo, they're in...a forest.

it's not even an interestingly designed forest. imagine if the game designers treated their arena like an actual video game designer treats level design. discrete zones with multiple paths between each room, creative use of lighting to guide players to points of interest, points of interest scattered across the map, discoverable resources hidden to encourage exploration. instead they just have a generic outdoors location and if you get too close to the edge they throw a random fireball at you.

the 75th games are especially bad about this. the arena is laid out radially into 12 wedges, and each hour one wedge becomes especially dangerous in a 12-hour loop. as a mechanic, this is genius. it forces everyone to keep moving, making "survival by hiding" an engaging and tense viewing experience instead of someone sitting in a tree for three days. plus, it encourages players to return to the center of the arena, where travel time between wedges is short, which creates a high-value zone for players to regularly return to and conflict over. in other words, it's a mechanic which incentives players to adopt dramatic, dynamic, exciting behaviors which are entertaining to watch (not to mention it communicates geography to the audience well). but it only incentives those behaviors if the players understand what's happening, and they go out of their way not to tell the players anything! when they figure out what's going on, the showrunners spin the arena to disorient the players, like they're intentionally trying to get them to just. randomly wander the jungle instead.

this isn't even to mention how often they create undramatic, boring deaths. they plant poison berries around the arena. they supply no fresh water and no way to get it. they roll poison clouds over sleeping victims. these happen to work out in the books themselves but you have to imagine that extremely often these just result in players dying unexciting deaths.

the cardinal sin though, of course, is that nothing is done to personalize the arena for the crop of contestants that year. if i'm designing the 75th hunger games and two of my most beloved contestants famously had to cancel their wedding because of a return to the games, i would OBVIOUSLY give them a trail of, i don't know, wild game which conveniently leads directly past a well defended wedding chapel. will they hole up there for a while? hold a mock ceremony for themselves? do or receive ironic violence here? stare wistfully and move on? any of it is better television than getting attacked by generic attack monkeys. you should have a dozen of these things on the map for every single candidate. but the game makers are more interested in doing the same thing every other game has done than in telling a compelling story.

it makes me second guess enjoying the children's murder arenas at all.

#the hunger games #thg

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burnedbyshoto · 4 years ago

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a nurses job

— Bakugou breaks his arms and as a nurse, you have the responsibility to make sure that he is comfortable, even when he needs to use the bathroom.

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pairing: pro hero!bakugou katsuki x nurse fem!reader

warnings: smut, 18+, prohero!bakugou, golden showers/water sports/piss kink, degradation (giving), dirty talk, lusting/pining, handjobs

word count: 5,050

a/n: so, I was going to make this a piss in ur mouth and pussy type of fic, but I kept seeing all those beautiful bakugou piss arts where he’s with a nurse.... so this is inspired and brought upon by all the water sports bakugou x nurse art ive seen for three months.

kinktober day 21 main kink: piss | kinktober masterlist

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You’re not quite sure what persuaded you into wanting to become a nurse as a child.

Maybe it was because your quirk (when you hum at an A flat, everyone within 5 meters experiences accelerated healing properties) was useless for Pro Hero work, so you realized early on that being a Pro Hero was a distant dream. Maybe it was because medical staff were still hailed as everyday heroes despite being in a world with people who could perform extraordinary achievements. It started as a small obsession to prove to the soon to be jobless, dream broken, and graduated failures of the hero course high schools that you had done more than them. That you, unlike them, were recognized as a hero.

You were decent with math and science, so you strove for medical school. But with the horrendous costs of schooling, your then living situation, and your dislike of unneeded and unwanted competitive stress, you deterred toward the nursing pathway. It was a pathway where you really found yourself, or at least, you thought so.

Empathy, emotion, and the need to see people come out of a hospital better than when they entered was something that grew on you quickly and obviously. Your earliest clinical rounds often left you with swollen, tired feet from walking around for restless hours, but with a smile on your face that was irreplicable. With every semester in school, you got better, connected better with your patients. Your feet still ache after long shifts, and sometimes your smile is hollow and broken, and if you look closely, you could see dried tears and puffy eyelids, but you wouldn’t ever regret this decision to become a nurse.

At twenty-five, newly graduated from nursing school, already working full time at the best hospital in Japan, while studying for your degree to eventually become a nurse practitioner. You loved your job quite a lot. They had placed you immediately within their Post-OP, ICU, and recovery wings, and even though you were somewhat new, you were celebrating a year of working in a few weeks, you already had some… more than familiar faces.

“Well, Ground Zero-san, I guess you owe me a drink because unless my eyes are deceiving me, it looks like both your arms are broken, no?” you hum, your grin bright and wide, not even attempting to hide it’s glee as your high profile patient sat seething on the hospital bed. “It’s been, what? Two weeks since you last showed up here? You getting old?”

“Oh, would you shut the fuck up, you shitty ass nurse?!” Bakugou snarled, his arms obviously trying to tense and move against the large casts that envelope him. “The fuck would you expect to happen when facing off with a quirk that’s specifically meant to break people’s arms?!”

“Deku didn’t break any arms,” you point out with a soft laugh, eyes still scanning and reading through his charts to check his medical needs and medicine prescribed by the attending and when he should be taking them. “A bit weird that only half of the Wonder Duo was indescribably injured, no?”

A loud snarl ripped from Bakugou’s throat, and you stifled your own laughter as you raised your eyesight to look him straight in his raging eyes.

“I took that damn nerds hits because he’s broken his arms so many fucking times he’ll be forced to amputate them if he breaks them again!” Bakugou’s eyes were near white in his anger, but the intensity of his emotions was heavily diminished by the fact that his arms were strapped to his chest in thick, round bandages.

“You can admit you care for him,” you chide, ignoring his ‘like hell I do!’ Placing the chart down and walking to his IV drip, you checked to see if anything he was hooked to required any changes or whatnot. “Besides, this is not the first time I’ve seen you in here! It was quite surprising to see Ground Zero on bedrest on my first ever shift here.”

That much was true.

You had been working at Tokyo Hospital for nearly nine months now. Within the nine months, you saw a lot of heroes; that much was true. Your quirk was versatile as a nurse, and you were bright, young, very good at your job, and definitely a beautiful individual. So, when you were assigned to be working most of your days healing heroes because they were the backbone of the country, it didn’t quite catch you by surprise. It was a common assignment you had as a nursing student too.

You just didn’t expect the head nurse of the floor to assign one of your five rooms to be holding none other than Ground Zero, a.k.a Bakugou Katsuki.

Of course, you weren’t an idiot. You had known about the explosion hero since high school! You had sat in front of your TV in high school, attempting to do your homework while watching the rather intensive first-year battles. He had done well in every stage, placing within the top three each time and even winning the game! You had cringed at the awards ceremony but had been horrified at the news of his kidnapping.

But after that, with the rising tensions of the villain world upon the dying world left behind by All Might, you had forgotten him for a moment. As time went on, and finally, a new support system was brought forth, Ground Zero, much like his quirk entailed, exploded onto the scene alongside Deku and a few other young heroes.

So, sure, you expected to maybe one day run into the ash-blond hero, but you didn’t expect it to happen on day one.

All things considered, the two of you got along rather well.

His... strong personality did make you wary of him at first, taking his near verbal barrage until you, very flusteredly he will argue, told him to ‘shut up, you butthole!’

You were horrified at your lack of professionalism, and Bakugou had gone silent as he stared at you in silence.

“Did you just call me a butthole?” he echoed, his face full of emotions you could not read. You felt on the verge of panicking, unsure if he was going to potentially tell on you! The sounds of a barking laughter rang in your ear, and you looked up to see his grinning, much more relaxed form. “Are you some shitty preschooler?!”

Thus began a working relationship of sorts between you and Bakugou.

He was an asshole, and you tried your best to not let him talk you off a cliff. It didn’t take very long for you to find out what made him tick surprisingly enough, and you used that to your advantage. The best way to tease him right now was by reminding him that he had been hospitalized more times than Deku, who apparently had held the record for the number of hospitalizations between him and his friends.

“Are you going to mention that shit first meeting every time we talk?!” Bakugou barked, his eyes narrowed as he turned his head away from you.

“After you admit you care deeply for all your friends!” you chirp back, stepping away from his IV drip, satisfied by what you saw. “Well, you look good for now. I’ll be checking up on you every ten to fifteen minutes since you can’t press the button until we can get those casts off! Did ya need anything before I go check on my other patients?”

“Open the damn window; it’s stuffy in here,” Bakugou grumbled, his face finally facing you again.

“Of course,” you smile cheekily, your eyes squinting with your broad grin. “It’s a nurse's job to make their patients comfortable and happy!”

Standing at the side of the bed, you stretched over Bakugou to grab the edge of the window and slide it open. Through your stance, you were entirely aware of how this looked, how this felt. Your breasts centimeters from Bakugou’s face, your eyes never once breaking from the window to feign your innocence as you finally pull away. Even with scrubs on, you could feel his hot, sharp breathes expelling through your clothes, his ears tinging just the smallest bit red as you smile.

“Anything else?” you asked sweetly, failing to hide your impish grin.

“Put the water cup close by,” he grunted, eyes staring at the liter of water at his side table. Well, he wouldn’t be able to use his arms until just before he was set to be discharged, so moving the water closer was a good idea.

Nodding, you grabbed a nearby cup, filling it three-quarters of a way full before placing it onto the feeding table and dragging it near his mouth, a bendy straw already secured into the cup. You watched as he shot forward, putting the plastic straw into his mouth and beginning to drink the cold water. His eyes were back on yours, deceivingly cold had you already not been an expert on his personality.

With one final soft chuckle, you waved at Bakugou as you headed out, a cheerful smile on your face as he continued to drink his water.

“See ya in a few!”

Well, you guess there was one more important detail about your relationship with Bakugou Katsuki. For the past five months, you have been doing everything in your power to seduce him — to get him to admit that he wanted you too.

You knew the ethics and the morals behind falling for a patient of yours, much less a high profile patient at that. You knew that if your little crush was ever found out, you would most definitely be moved from his room. You were also damningly aware that you should have brought up your initial feelings for the explosion hero to your admin the moment it arose. But the thought and the way you were always so happy to be around him eventually overruled your logic. Five months ago, you had stayed at the hospital until nearly three am, talking with a severely concussed Bakugou. You were stationed for an overnight round with the task of making sure that he didn’t fall asleep. And for the first time in your time knowing Bakugou, the two of you somehow clicked into place, and when he was discharged the next morning — the nurse who had a quirk to rid of concussions finally arriving — he had thanked you.

It was so benign, so incredibly simple, yet the way the golden sunshine illuminated his blond hair and made his red eyes shine like a ruby, you found your own tired body feeling heated and warm. He wasn’t such a lousy conversationalist, and you had already enjoyed all your interactions together, yet it still caught you off guard to feel your heart pounding in your throat as he pulled on his jacket and left.

So after coming to terms with your sudden infatuation for the stubborn hero, you began to express your desires and feelings for him without having to say it. For all that he was worth and all that he expressed himself to be extremely observant, Bakugou Katsuki still had no idea that you liked him.

Unfortunately, your scrub nurse uniform wasn’t precisely seductive. The light blue of the breathable, sterile uniform was about as unsexy as uniforms got. But that never stopped you from leaning in too close when doing what Bakugou demanded of you. It didn’t prevent you from accidentally dropping papers in front of him and bending over to show off the curves of your ass.

There had never been a time such as this one where you hated that the old, ‘sexy’ nurse outfits were no longer up to standard and banned from use. How you would have loved to be wearing gartered held stockings just to accidentally flash to Bakugou. But, you suppose that it’s alright. Even though your feelings and ambitions to get the Pro Hero to like you as much as you did him, you never tried to push it.

For now, you were just an asshole tease.

You carried out the rest of your rounds in peace, your pager sitting comfortably in your pocket, unused, unneeded for now. The rest of your four patients were doing well for now.

One was asleep, most likely due to the medicine coursing through his veins, but his vitals remained unchanged.

Another was in the process of getting ready to be discharged, her family there to help her in leaving.

The third was eating his dinner, eyes concentrated on a poker game on the TV as he asked you to help fluff his pillow.

The last was busy with a physical therapist, her forehead slick with sweat as she attempted to sit up from her chair.

All in all, they were all doing fine, and you were back to the beginning, back to Bakugou’s room.

You entered his closed room door to be greeted by an empty bed. Your eyes widened immediately, the initial wave of pure horror flashing through you that by some freak accident, some murderous villain had kidnapped the injured hero straight from the hospital bed.

“Ground Zero-san?!” you called out, a pitched voice of concern frilling your voice as you stumbled through the room. Your eyes were frantically searching the room, fingers feeling the lingering warmth of his body on the bed and your eyes noticing the empty water cup on his table still. The sheets of his bed haphazardly thrown off as if in a struggle.

Your fingers wound around the panic button, your ears straining to hear any sort of sign of Bakugou still being here.

A gritted teeth snarl was muffled from the attached bathroom, and you froze, unable to move as you felt the untouched button in your hands turn as light as a feather. You approached the bathroom door with soft footsteps, the smile on your face, unable to be stopped as you pulled the door open.

The sight you happened upon was something that made your lips curl into a wider smirk as the hospital clothed-clad hero absolutely struggled with his lack of functioning hands and arms to pull down his pants. Something he couldn’t do himself because the socks and slippers on his feet kept him from even attempting to tug his pants off with his toes.

In his struggle, undoubtedly miserable attempt to get his pants and underwear off his waist, Bakugou seemed ignorant to your arrival. His back still towards you, his head tilted down in his struggle as he twisted and pulled at practically nothing.

And as you watched him struggle, you couldn’t help but let your eyes drink in his form that stood tall before you. Most occurrences where you found yourself face to face with Bakugou, he was always tucked in a bed (except that time you realized your feeling for him), whether it was because he needed to be or because he was forced to be. So seeing him in his full height, seeing how despite your size, you were still only at his shoulder, made your eyelashes flutter.

He was tall, so deliciously tall, you wanted to climb onto a chair to see if he would be taller even with that added height. And oh how the flimsy material of his hospital outfit was stretched then against the taut muscles of his back. They flexed and shifted with his aggravation, and the only thought on your mind was to rake your fingers against the tempting muscle and skin.

“Shitty. fucking. villain!” he hissed angrily, sweat trickling down the back of his neck as he still struggled to do what nature called him for.

But you couldn’t help it; the flexing muscles of his back, the lower tenor of his voice, and the way he seemed ridiculously larger than life at the moment tipped your restraint over. Your ability to hold back crashing through you like a tsunami wave, drowning you until you found your hand tethered to the tight spot at the center of his spine, your hushed words drifting to his ear like sweet, warm honey.

“You need any help here, Ground Zero-san?” you asked, your voice just loud enough to have your hot breath fanning against his sweaty exposed neck. You could feel him twitch in your hold, his body stiffening as he whipped his head around to look at you, red eyes wild, wide, and dark.

“Don’t ya know how to fucking knock?!” he snapped, his body flushed at being caught in the bathroom, unable to shed his clothes. He doesn’t move from your touch, and that small detail makes you warm, knowing that he wasn’t entirely repulsed by your touch.

“You were missing from your bed, and I called your name,” you smile despite his angry glare. “I know you are susceptible to hear loss, but I thought you were still in the clear.”

“I ain’t fucking deaf,” Bakugou growled, his face twisted with a frown. “And that still doesn’t explain why the hell you’re here!”

“Oh, were you not just completely struggling earlier?” you feign shock, the grin on your face unstoppable at the embarrassed scowl that sets on his face. You step even closer to him so that your torso is perpendicular to his side. Your hand still gently touching his muscled back, and your free hand gently pressing to his own abdomen, the feeling of his flexed muscles, making you dizzy as you peer down at the white toilet. “Is there a villain in the toilet? I didn’t think that was possible!”

“Of fucking course not, there’s not a shitty villain in the toilet.” Bakugou flushed, his body entirely trapped by you, but he made no play to escape.

“Oh, so did you need help?”

Bakugou stares at you, his mind whirling a kilometer a second as he contemplates his next course of action. The both of you know he needs help, and still, the both of you are aware that his ability to ask of that from you is slim to none given he couldn’t even wait for you to return to his room.

“Tch,” he clicks his tongue angrily, annoyed, completely fed up. His eyes rolling to the ceiling, refusing to acknowledge you as his head nods once. “Help me, shitass nurse.”

“Of course!” you chirp, your eyes finding his hooded ones.

You give him one last warm, sweet smile before the hand on his torso lightly drags down his stomach, soft in its unashamed way of feeling him up. Your head tilted as your fingers hooked into the tight waistband of his pants and pulled it down, the heat of your palm accidentally dragging itself over the imprint of his cock behind his boxers.

The slight, flustered choking noise at the back of his throat didn’t go ignored by you, but rather but aside for later. Your eyes flashing up to see his red eyes wide, his cheeks so lightly dusted with pink as you managed to pull down his boxers too.

“There!” you exclaim, your eyes closing in your grin before you turn your attention back down to his exposed dick.

Immediately, you had to hold back a noise of pure want and lust at the sight of him. He was long, undoubtedly eight inches, definitely more. Although you couldn’t tell how thick, you knew his dick would fill your palm without a struggle. The trimmed, dark blond pubes and the protruding veins are what did it for you, your tongue poking out for a millisecond to wet your lips as you stared at his dark pink head.

“Stop staring at it!” Bakugou hissed, clearly embarrassed if the slight voice crack said anything about it.

You looked back up at him, fake confusion swimming in your eyes as you tilted your head. “It’s only a penis. I see millions of these all the time.”

“Yeah, but it’s fucking weird!”

A soft laugh escaped your lips, your eyes rolling softly as you sighed in retreat, “Fine, fine, let's pee big boy and get you in bed.”

With your dominant hand, you grabbed his dick with a soft grip, pleasure simmering through you at the confirmation of the thick dick in your palm. But it seemed you weren’t the only one who thought that for the moment you tried to steer his dick toward the toilet to assist in aim, Bakugou hissed loudly. His flesh twitching to life in your warm, soft hand as it began to grow upward.

You didn’t say anything; your jaw remained as tight and closed as your vocal box despite the egging need to tease him and celebrate his apparent approval of your touch. So, eventually, in a voice that defied the nervous energy coursing through your veins, you asked: “Didn’t you need to pee?”

Bakugou let out a throaty, guttural groan, his anger hissing between his teeth as his dick twitched again in your hold, growing longer and harder still.

“I can’t take a damn piss with a hard-on, you idiot!” he roared despite the strawberry red blush on his cheeks. You admired the way he was still fighting for control of an upper hand here despite — clearly — not having any.

“Oh, haha! Silly me!” you laugh, your hand shifting against his length, your warm palm getting closer to the base of his cock.

“W-What are you doing?!” Bakugou spluttered, your soft butterfly touches sending him through a loop he clearly wasn’t expecting. “You could just wait for it to die!”

“It’s a nurse's job to make their patients comfortable and happy,” you repeat your words, your hold on his dick growing firmer and harder just as his cock continued to do. “You clearly need to pee, and there’s no telling when your cock will go down.”

“I’LL MAKE IT GO DOWN!” Bakugou yells, but the usual sharpness to his tone has deflated, diminished to nothing but whining embarrassed yell. You look up at his clenched jaw and how a pretty pink glows on his cheeks, and you’re mesmerized.

Looking back down at his growing cock that warms your hand immensely, you hum, slightly twisting your hand around his length. Bakugou shudders, a whine hidden in his throat as you open your own mouth.

“Do you want me to stop?” you question, your eyes fluttering up to look at his clouded red ones. “Do you not need or want me?”

That was a double-headed question if Bakugou ever heard one. He looked at your glossy lips, the way they were pouted, so ready to be kissed, to be claimed, and that delirious look of want and need in your eyes. And he knows better; he knows that this is not the place, not the time to act on emotions like this. The need to pee sits heavily on his lower belly, just like the need to cum makes him twitch and pace uncomfortably. God fucking damn his broken to smithereens arms.

But you already know this, of course, you do. But you also know how stubborn he can be, how anal he can be about the littlest thing. So with no answer, you weaken your grip, making him think that you’re ready to leave, and he falls right into the trap.

“Make it fucking q-quick,” his voice cracks, the embarrassment nearly tangible as you nod your head firmly, your fist tightening around his cock.

Your warm fingers pressed onto his length, beginning at a slow leisurely pace, your eyes glued onto his face, detailing how he reacts to every small flick of your wrist, every little difference of grip in his hands. Your strokes began to grow larger, your fingertips tracing the bulging veins on his cock, your eyes hypnotized by the way his face pinches in his pleasure, the blush on his cheeks, the way the hot pants expelling from his mouth curl warmly in your lower belly.

“Y-You do this with all your shitty patients?” Bakugou growls, but it sounds weak, too blurred and slurred with his increasing pleasure.

Your fingernails drag against the underneath of his cock, tracing the incredibly sensitive skin until he’s slowly thrusting his hips into your fist. “Only the hot ones,” you tease, your thumb pressing against the tip of his beading tip, the warm pre-cum slick and spreading quickly against his flushed tip.

“You’re fucking disgusting,” Bakugou continues, his head tipping backward, exposing the slenderness of his neck that begs for your teeth to sink into. “Just needed to take a fucking piss.”

“Nervous, you’ll pee all over me, and I won’t want to suck your dick?” you ask, your fingers brushing near his scrotum, eyes blazing dangerously at the sight of his gasping, jaw-dropping face. His hips rut forward, leaking cock dripping with his pre-cum, and you giggle softly, fisting him faster, spreading the pre-cum against his heated sex.

Your fingers run against his throbbing length, your palm tight and hot against his cock, the veins you drag across searing against your flesh, ingraining itself onto your skin and memory forever. Despite it all, the obvious near tangible horror Bakugou has on the thought of pissing on you, he continues to fuck into your fist.

“Damn bitch like you would probably l-like it if I pissed on you,” Bakugou pants, his casted arms twitching at his chest. His head tilted away from you, but his eyes burning into you, the red eyes hot as fire against your skin. “You want me to piss on you? Make you my bitch.”

The words burn against your skin, your teeth biting onto your lower lip as you meet his gaze. You’ve never considered it before, never thought you’d be into it. As a nurse, you’ve been around piss, shit, and vomit, and while you had grown unfazed by it, you never considered the prospect of a man pissing on you. But you thought of it, of Bakugou standing above you, free from his casts, hands on his cock as he smirks down at you with golden liquid spraying from his cock, soaking you where you lay.

You shudder, pleasant chills running down your spine as you stare into his eyes yet again.

“And if I do?” you ask, fingers rolling the head of his cock between your forefinger and thumb, relishing in the way that he snarls low in his throat. “What’re you gonna do about that, Ground Zero-san? You gonna piss all over your bitch after you get out of here.”

“You want me to piss on you here?” he asks, his voice snappish, strained, his hips drilling harder into your hand that was quickly speeding up. A battle of power and speed between the both of you as he looms over you, face flushed, pink, and lips demanding to be kissed. “Wouldn’t be surprised if you do.”

“Why’s that?” you breathe, his lips tantalizingly close to yours, a breath away as your hand grips and tightens even more around the base of his cock, causing a pained-pleasured hiss to rip from behind his teeth as he looks at you.

“Don’t act like your shitty ass hasn’t been trying to seduce me every time I show up,” Bakugou gruffs, his hips continuing a drilling rhythm into your fist, his body no longer shy or embarrassed.

“So you noticed but never said anything?” you counter, your fingers shifting over to his swollen, hot balls. You fondle them, tugging at their weight gently, taking in the way his eyes roll to the back of his head and the way his teeth tear into his lip. “Coward.”

“Hah?! Who the fuck—”

You can’t help yourself anymore, your mouth coming to slam against his in a piercing, searing kiss. He moans into the kiss, and you gasp back, tongues clashing together, teeth knocking into each other as awkward, nearing uncomfortable kisses are exchanged. His sweet scent of caramel wafts into your nose, and his grunts and groans are addicting, entirely enthusiastic noises that send your own thighs clenching shut to quiet the heated need in between your thighs.

Your hand increases in its speed, his whines and groans so pretty and piercing into you.

“How fucking gross,” you laugh into his mouth, the slicked heat of his precum lathering your palm until soft noises of your fisting hand begin to fill the sterile bathroom. “You’re a child, wanting to piss on things that you shouldn’t. You came to the bathroom and got a hard-on instead of pissing, Bakugou, aren’t you embarrassed.”

“Y-Y/l/n,” he hissed, his jaw falling slack against your mouth. His hips are drilling into you faster and faster, the throbbing of his cock, the growing, thick scent of his caramel sweat filling the room and your senses. “F-Fuck!”

“Such a dirty, childish pro hero,” you smile your tongue curling into his mouth and dragging against the roof of his mouth as he shudders helplessly against you. “Cum already, Bakugou, cum and piss over yourself like some small brat.”

He shudders, and you find your mouth leaving his own as you stare down, spurting white ropes of cum pour from his tip, completely covering the toilet seat with his sticky white cum. And you watch as soon as his body collapses onto you, entirely spent from the orgasm, yellow piss streaming from his tip.

The toilet fills with his cum and piss, and you grin once his balls and bladder are completely drained. His cock limp and weak in your hand as you hum, your quirk activating and causing the exhausted Pro Hero to recompose himself so that he wasn’t entirely weak against you.

“Such a good patient,” you coo, pulling up Bakugou’s boxers and hospital pants without a second's thought. Patting his butt gently, you watched as his still exhausted red eyes stared at you. You walked over to the sink, washing your hands so that you could continue to finish the rest of your shift.

“Don’t think this is over, shitty nurse.”

You look at him over your shoulder, your fingers curling under the warm water as you grin.

“I expect to be fucked and pissed on next time,” you counter, your smirk devastating and sending a fire right back to Bakugou’s groin. “No freebies anymore.”

#bakugou x reader #bakugou smut #bnha #bnha x reader #mha x reader #bbs kinktober 2020 #tw: water sports

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bbangsoonie · 4 years ago

Text

to my ex (best friend)

member: juyeon genre: fluff?? word count: 2,175 synopsis: thanks to kevin’s tiktok obsession, you end up sending out a google form to all of the people you used to call your best friends. one response brings back forgotten memories and feelings.

“I can’t believe I’m stuck with the Canada boys for another 4 years,” you jokingly groaned.

Today was officially move-in day and the beginning of your college life. After roughly unpacking in your dorm room, you went over to Jacob and Kevin’s room to hang out. Jacob had his guitar out and was playing random chords for you to hum along to. Kevin, on the other hand, was glued to his phone. TikTok had been his new obsession and he was constantly watching the endless feed of videos.

“Hey, we are the iconic trio,” Jacob insisted.

“Wow Eric is basically a TikTok star now,” Kevin commented as he showed you two the video that popped up on his For You page. “This kid is stuck on straight TikTok though.”

Jacob laughed, although he was unsure of what that exactly meant. Knowing this, you chuckled at his efforts to appease his roommate.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Kevin tugged at your arm in an urgent matter. “Can we also do that Google form trend?”

“Uhh which one?” you asked.

“The one where you send out a Google form to your ex-crushes or ex-friends,” he turned to Jacob to further explain. “So basically it’s a questionnaire either revealing your past feelings or confronting what happened between old friends.”

“I don’t know, man. Our high school years were pretty vanilla. We didn’t even have that many crushes,” you shrugged.

“Hmm I mean we did have that huge friend group freshman year. It’s a shame it kinda fell apart as time went by,” Jacob reminisced.

You were reminded of the people you once considered to be your best friends. It was you and twelve other boys, which should’ve hinted at the inevitable end. The beginning of the end started with Hyunjoon transferring to a different school. Then, as you all grew older and high school drama kicked in, you were the topic of many rumors. People didn’t understand—or like—that you were the only girl in an all male friend group. Girls called you all sorts of names and spread ridiculous lies about you that spread to neighboring schools.

No one in the group had any bad blood with each other. Life just pulled you in different directions and you simply grew apart. Some joined the dance team, which consumed most of their time. Some joined varsity teams and focused on getting a sports scholarship. Some became trainees and lost contact with everyone. Some, like you and the Canada boys, became busy with college applications. Everyone had their own reasons and there were no hard feelings.

“Wouldn’t it be fun to finally find out what they all think? Get closure before we start our journey as college students?” Kevin asked, eagerly.

“I guess,” you agreed.

“Alright! Then we’ll play rock paper scissors to choose who has to send them out,” Kevin declared.

Your unlucky streak, without fail, won you the embarrassment honor of writing and sending the form to all your former friends. You grumbled, displeased at the fact that you were now the scapegoat fulfilling Kevin’s curiosity. Nevertheless, you searched through your contact list to find everyone’s phone numbers and sent them the link, hoping that no one changed their number.

By the next day, you received responses from all 10 of them. The trio reconvened in Jacob and Kevin’s room to review the answers. The first few were essentially what you all expected. They explained how life became hectic and your paths just crossed less and less as your interests and goals changed.

When you came across Haknyeon’s comment, you couldn’t help but laugh.

“You still owe me ice cream for lending you my pen during our final exam,” you read aloud. You recalled the day; you were freaking out about your misplaced pencil case and he had kindly offered his extra pen.

“What else would you expect from the foodie?” Kevin laughed.

By the time you got to Juyeon’s response, however, you froze. Curious as to what caught you so off guard, Jacob took the laptop from your lap and gasped. Kevin peeped over Jacob’s shoulder and his jaw dropped after reading it. He immediately looked at you, wondering how you were taking the information.

You were confused. He had been the object of your love and attention for a good three years in high school. Not wanting anyone to find out, you had swallowed those feelings and the Canada duo were the only ones to ever catch on. You and Juyeon used to be extremely close—even closer than you and Kevin or you and Jacob. He always quietly took care of you and the two of you shared everything with each other until one day he suddenly became distant. Without an explanation, he left your side and never returned. You just assumed he wanted to stop being friends. It hurt but you didn’t want to force a one-sided friendship so you stopped reaching out to him.

“What the heck?” you finally blurted.

Jacob slowly closed the laptop shut, eyeing Kevin who seemed way too giddy. He felt uneasy, not knowing if this was a good thing.

“So your first love was requited,” Kevin said smugly. “I told you so.”

“Okay you had absolutely no facts to back up your assumption back then,” you argued.

“What did I tell you? My gut is never wrong.”

“Yeah but he also just cut me off out of nowhere. How else was I supposed to interpret that?”

“Clearly not the way we did.”

Jacob smacked his hand over Kevin’s mouth to shut him up. He knew how much pain Juyeon’s name brought you. You didn’t show it but you still had a soft spot for him.

“It’s okay, Jacob. Whatever feelings I had for Juyeon—good and bad—are history. You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me,” you assured. “Besides, this doesn’t even mean anything. He wrote all of this in past tense. He’s just clarifying the reason why our friendship ended. Like Kevin said, I guess I finally got closure.”

“Closure? My brilliant idea has brought forth an opportunity for you to rekindle your love!” Kevin exclaimed excitedly.

“No. No way,” you shook your head. “The past is in the past. We are living very separate lives now.”

“Oh stop quoting Frozen and just try texting him,” he rolled his eyes. “Jacob and I never told you but he’s actually attending the same university as us.”

This prompted a very loud “What?” from you. Jacob buried his head in his hands, groaning. He was definitely going to get an earful.

“You’re bound to run into him eventually. So just take the initiative and face things head on,” Kevin advised. “Won’t that be less awkward than coincidentally meeting him after ignoring his response to the form you sent him?”

“And who’s the one who made me send it?” you glared, puffing your cheeks.

“You’re going to do it anyway so just hurry up and pretend you have no choice but to listen to me,” he snickered.

“Moon Hyungseo!”

At your use of his full Korean name, his eyes widened in fear and he jumped up to run away, barely avoiding your slap. Watching the scene in front of him, Jacob laughed. He had secretly hoped that you would reconnect with Juyeon as well. He knew how much you used to like him.

That night, you found yourself staring at Juyeon’s contact on your phone. Your heart raced at the thought of talking to him again. It had been years since you two last spoke and so many things had changed since then. You were no longer oblivious and clumsy teenagers. You knew each other’s past selves but didn’t know a thing about each other’s current selves. You were afraid that even if you became friends again, it would be too different. It was why you never harbored any hope for things to go back to “normal” with him. You couldn’t be disappointed if you never had any expectations to begin with.

Still, you took a leap of courage and sent a simple “hey” before you could chicken out. His reply was almost instant, which startled you.

You: hey

Juyeon: Hi Y/n

You: would it be weird if i asked to meet? i think we have a few things to talk about.. if that’s ok with you

Juyeon: Sure! How’s tomorrow at noon? We could talk over a meal at the school cafeteria

You: sounds good. see you then :)

You wanted to scream into your pillow. The awkwardness was driving you crazy but you were still looking forward to seeing him. He still had you wrapped around his finger and you hated it. But you still loved him.

The next day, your clothes were flung around all over your bed. You had rummaged through your entire closet to find an outfit you were satisfied with, resulting in you running a bit late.

Juyeon had arrived at the cafeteria early. He was so nervous that he couldn’t just stay still in his dorm. After all these years, he was finally confronting everything that he had concealed. He always felt guilty about the way he treated you and he was glad he could finally explain and apologize.

When he saw you approach him, he couldn’t stop himself from staring. It had only been a summer since he last saw you at graduation but your beauty still amazed him. He gulped, standing up to greet you when you reached the table.

The first few minutes were spent eating in awkward silence. Unable to bear it any longer, he cleared his throat to begin the conversation.

“Um so I guess my response to that form was a lot to unpack, huh?” he said sheepishly.

You almost choked on the food, surprised by his straightforwardness. He passed you your cup of water as you coughed.

“Yeah..” you mumbled.

“I want to start by saying I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I think I always had feelings for you. At first, it was subtle. I just liked spending time with you. I liked making you smile. I was content with just being friends. You know me, I’m the type to just watch my crush from afar. Then, as we got older, those feelings grew to be bigger than I could handle. I began to get greedy. And I felt that I could literally do anything for you. That’s when I realized how hard I fell for you and that scared me. I was afraid of ruining our friendship but I was also scared of my own feelings. So I started distancing myself from you. It’s a poor excuse but back then, I was a coward,” he confessed.

Juyeon had always been a very direct person. He never really beat around the bush and you liked that about him. That hadn’t changed about him but yet it still surprised you.

“If I could go back in time, I wish I could have done things differently. I knew I was hurting you but I thought that after all that’s happened, continuing to be friends with you would make you the center of gossip again. I didn’t want to make your life any harder,” he added.

“Juyeon, I cared about you a lot more than I did about those stupid rumors.”

“I know that now. But high schooler me was terrified of you finding out about my feelings.”

You contemplated on whether or not you should bring up your own past feelings. You wanted to reciprocate his honesty but were worried that it would be unnecessary. You took a deep breath and decided on the first option.

“You know, I was also terrified of having you find out about my feelings,” you admitted. Your words shocked him as he tried to figure out what you were implying.

“Wait, you.. You liked me too?” he gaped, making you blush.

“Let’s uh stop talking about that now,” you said as your cheeks reddened to a darker shade.

“While we’re opening up..” he looked at you with hesitance. “Is there any chance you still feel the same way now?”

His question caught you entirely off guard. You blankly stared at him, wondering if you heard him correctly.

“Juyeon, this is the first proper conversation we’ve had in years,” you deadpanned.

“That’s not an immediate no,” he lit up.

You wanted to laugh at his simplicity. His childlike innocence was still the same. It warmed your heart to see that he hadn’t changed as much as you were afraid he would. Yet, the fear in the back of your mind remained. You weren’t confident that you could even resume your friendship with him. At your silence, he tried to lighten the mood.

“So then would being friends again be okay with you?” he asked.

“I guess we could try,” you slowly nodded, bringing a bright smile to his face. You didn’t notice that your expression reflected his.

“Great,” he grinned happily.

And that was the beginning of a new story between you two.

bonus:

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years ago

Text

hey, so i suspect to be a ne-dom (after about one year of research on functions and everything and considering like every type at least once to be my type :)) even though i do not overly relate to ne-dom stereotypes, for example i wouldn´t say i am a good brainstormer...

Lemme just stop you there and say, brainstorming isn't Ne. Anybody can brainstorm. The kind of brainstorming Ne does is conjure up lots of ideas related to whatever is INTERESTING to them. Like, if an ENP is stuck in a business meeting and doesn't care about the topic, they won't have any ideas pertaining to it. But if they sit down to write a story, a character will pop into their head, and then ideas about other characters, and conversations, and possible roles for that character to fulfill within the story... and they will follow this angle for awhile and get bored and then follow that other angle (another idea). It's a space of living inside one's ideas, following them, and discarding them if they aren't working; of constant adaptation to the abstract (non-existing) potential of their mental environment. How SPs interact with reality -- throwing themselves into it and figuring it out as they go and getting the hang of it physically -- is what NPs do on a mental level, by throwing themselves into concepts, ideas, etc. Like starting up a MBTI typing blog when you barely know anything about MBTI, as a way of learning while doing / thinking about it. *cough* *raises hand* It's "ah yes, I'll incorporate this before I've even had time to learn / study it deeper, because I get the Big Picture of it, it matters, so I'm gonna run with it." Intuition, in other words -- not needing the details to "get the gist" and assuming you can intelligently talk about it or at least BS your way through it, so people assume you know your stuff even if you don't.

But anyway, back to your ask.

(but after all they are just stereotypes, so what) and actually relate a lot to se-dom "stereotypes". For example it is said that often se-doms are quiet good at physical activities like sports and might have a natural talent to be really good at some physical activity even when they do it for the first time, because they are so aware of their environment and the current moment. And that actually is something i kinda relate to. I never got a bad grade in sports class because even at all the sports i have never done in my life before i was naturally good at and quick to figure out how it is done. I also never got any kind serious injury in my life even though i would (especially as a kid) climb onto everything that one shouldn´t climb on and jump from everything one shouldn´t jump from. Never even broke a bone, but i do know lots of people who broke a bone without even doing anything particular "dangerous". Anyway, those are mainly stereotypes so i probably should just ignore them, anyway they make me question my type frequently.

Stereotypes have a root in reality for a reason. If you are easily able to adapt to your environment skillfully using your body, you are likely Se. What's more, SPs actively enjoy doing this -- getting out there and trying things, being physical and hands on. I talk about ideas and argue about the Enneagram, my ESFP sister goes sky diving, learned to paint by buying brushes and supplies, and spent all weekend installing the landscaping she designed. ;)

What makes me think i am a ne-dom nontheless is:

- i am usually capable of seeing multiple perspectives, most easily perceivable in philosphy class to be honest. We would have regular discussions about a certain topic and everyone had a different opinion and i could usually see the point of everyones argument. The most frustrating people were those that would state something as a fact or as simply right or wrong without hearing anyone out who might have a different view on that. Sometimes it would literally be that person A would explain something 10 times and person B would still not be able to get it and would only hear what they want to hear, which actually made every argument pretty pointless and might be the main reason why i never actively participated in those discussions myself. At some point it only felt like a waste of time and energy to argue with someone who clearly doesn´t want or isn´t capable of considering any other perspective than their own

This isn't really Ne, it just means you're a perceiving dominant (not a judging dominant, aka, not IP or EJ) and indicates FiTe, with Te seeing the pointlessness of interacting with people who are unwilling to listen or change their mind. Also, very likely a 9 fix.

- my writing style (i guess), i´ll take philosophy as an example again; sometimes we had to write an essay to a certain question where we basically just had to write our opinion and arguments (similar to the regular disussions but written), and i usually would come up with 2 or 3 possible answers so i decided to cover them all and thought that way i would probably write like 3 pages or so. Well i ended up writing ten because while i was writing i suddenly realized that if i explain A i should probaly define B to make it more understandable or to be more precise, but by defining B i also have to mention C and D and that would mean that i should also include E and F and...

Low Te clarifying, adding context, and not wanting to leave out important information while not being entirely sure what "matters" the most to the project or being able to self-edit well.

- one thing i am not 100% sure about; i do like talking about ideas like lately we have been discussing getting a pool (we´ll probably never get one because they are expensive but we like the idea) but there were also a couple of obstacles too prevent that from ever happening but i was like: "yeah that would be cool" and got ideas like a slide that would start at the window of our room so we can slide directly from our room into the pool, or the idea that we could build some cave system and that would be the place where the pool would be so we wouldn´t have to "sacrifice" our entire garden for a pool.

That's a very sensory idea to have. :)

I would have rather discussed a pool again...to be fair i would have probably worried a lot more if i had to go to the appointment on my own but i don´t so i just rely on others and hope they will know what to do and tell me. (what i am not sure about here is if my disinterest in discussing what could possible happen is a se "live in the moment" thing or if it just disinterests me because its too practical and too much related to something actual?)

Drawing attention to what interests you - Fi. Sensory focus. Slight abdication of self, indicates reliance on others - maybe 9 or a 6 core?

- one last thing: i can see more si than ni inferior tbh. Example: i do not like planning a trip, like making schedules or figuring out what bus/train to take at what time and where to take. I mean i am happy to have some sort of schedule or plan but i do not like doing these myself, even though i can if i have to and sometimes i have to because i have to get somewhere on my own...

This speaks to low / inferior Te more than anything. Stress over organizing the outside world, nailing down a plan, etc.

[...] And i would assume that this might be inferior si? Also i think if i was a se-dom i probably would not be so stressed by getting on the wrong bus or probably wouldn´t be so obsessed with checking everything multiple times just in case the other 376 times i did i missed something...

You would if you were a 6w7, which you probably are.

I'd say SFP 6w7 with a 9 fix, or an ISFP 9 with a 6 fix. Something about you gives me inferior Te / ISFP vibes.

#question #mbti

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captain-mcdavid · 5 years ago

Text

word count: 3.9k

smut: yes | no

warnings: lil angst, lil smut but not really?

One of the last people you’re expecting to see when you open your door is Seth.

He sports a charming grin but you’re so confused that your greeting comes out a lot less charming… “Seth? What are you doing here?”

He furrows his brows but his smile doesn’t falter, “Can I come in?”

You think for a moment, wondering why he’d be here before you realize that your slow response time is quite rude, “Oh, yeah! Yeah, of course.” You say, abruptly sliding over so he has space to come in.

“How are you?” He asks, and it sounds innocent enough, but you know that the question is loaded. It’s been three weeks since you’ve last seen Josh, and you’re sure his question pertains to that.

“Fine,” You answer, not wanting to give anymore information then that. You’d like to know why he’s here before you go spilling your guts to him. He could be wearing a wire or something. “I don’t want to sound rude or anything, Seth…” You start, “I’m happy to see you and everything, but why are you here?”

“Just wanted to check up on you,” He insists, and then he plops down onto your couch, nodding his head to the spot beside him. Despite your feeling that there’s some ulterior motive, you cross your arms and sit down too.

“I’m sorry to just drop in like this,” He apologizes, extending his arm over the back of the couch with a smile, “I was just in the area and I was thinking about you so I thought I’d just stop by.”

“Well I appreciate it, but I’m fine, I don’t need Josh’s friends checking up on me.” Your response comes out more harshly than you intend, but you can’t help but feel irritated at his explanation. You were a grown woman; you could take care of yourself. You didn’t need a friend of your ex, or whatever the hell Josh was, checking up on you. You didn’t need the pity.

“Chill, chill.” Seth chuckles, his hands coming out in front of him like you’re gonna take a swing. “I didn’t mean it like that… I’m not here to talk about Josh.”

“Well then why are you here?” You ask again, and for what feels like the hundredth time. Seth starts again but you cut him off before he can give the same bullshit answer. “And don’t say to check up on me!”

“Fine.” He smirks, and now by the blush to his cheeks you can tell something is up. “I have a favour to ask you.” He admits.

You blink at him a few times, and he chuckles at what you imagine is the very indecisive look on your face. “What is it…?” You ask carefully.

“It’s gonna sound ridiculous.” He warns, but you wave a hand at him, trying to signal him to get on with it. “I need you to be my fake girlfriend.”

“What the fuck?!” The words tumble out of your mouth before you even have time process what he’s said. But now his request is processed, you’re pretty sure the reaction was warranted.

“I was seeing this girl for a little while, and I told my mom all about her, so now she’s coming up for the Iron & Frost gala expecting to meet my girlfriend. But I broke things off with her yesterday, and I don’t have the heart to tell my mom. Can you please come with me?”

He looks pretty desperate, and he’s giving you eyes that you know would have gotten him mom to give into just about anything, but the red light is still going off in your brain, Josh’s face flashing around like a warning sign.

As if Seth can sense your worry, he chimes in again. “Josh won’t be there, he’s injured, so he’s not coming to any team events.”

That makes his request seem slightly less crazy, but not normal enough for you to say yes. “Seth, why don’t you just tell your mom you broke up with her?”

He sighs, an eyeroll communicating his annoyance with the situation. “She’s been bugging me about settling down for months now, and when I told her I was seeing someone she was over the moon. I can’t break her heart like that…” He leaves the sentence rather open and you raise your brows, waiting for the add on. “And I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a manwhore, so if I bring someone with me it’ll negate those thoughts completely.”

You say nothing again, trying to find away to say no without being a complete asshole.

“Please?” Seth prods, reaching out to place his hand on your forearm. You take a minute, looking in between his hand and the look of complete desperation on his features. “And I’ll buy you a dress! And it’ll just be this once! And then in like a month I’ll tell my mom you cheated on me and you’ll never hear another word of it!”

With a tired sigh you press your fingers into your temples, shaking your head at yourself for what you’re about to do. “You’re gonna tell her that you realized I was way too good for you, and that you needed to set me free.”

An ecstatic smile grows on Seth’s face, and the look of pure joy that overtakes him makes you feel a little less sceptical about what’s going to happen.

“So that’s a yes then?”

“It’s a yes…” You sigh, humming afterwards. “God, this sounds like a bad one direction fanfic on Wattpad.”

Seth just laughs awkwardly, even though he most definitely doesn’t know what you’re talking about, and then he reaches for his back pocket, pulling out his wallet. You start to think that he’s about to pay you, like you’re an escort or something, but then he takes a small white piece of paper out. It’s a business card, sleek looking with an address and a phone number on it. “This is where I go for my suits, it’s a formal wear store. They have dresses there too, just pick whatever you want and tell them to put it on my card.”

“Seth you don’t have to-,” You try to say, but he’s standing up and walking towards the door before you can really get it out.

“You haven’t met my mom yet, trust me, I’m gonna owe you something after this.”

You laugh, and on the tail end you hear Seth say something that sounds vaguely like, “Or you’ll owe me.” And then he lets himself out.

That was your first clue.

Now it’s a week later, and you’re standing in the most extravagant gala room you’ve ever seen in your life, in the most extravagant dress you’ve ever worn… All this for Seth’s mom, and she’s no where to be found.

You assumed when you went to Seth’s you’d be meeting his mom there and driving together, but he told you that she’d meet you there. However, you’ve been here for an hour now, and she still hasn’t arrived. There was also another crucial detail that Seth left out… Josh decided to come.

Seth insisted it was last minute, but the more you think about all of this, the more you start to think it’s a set up. And that makes you feel a little less guilty about the amount of money you made Seth spend on this dress. The silk gown was burgundy red, and you were obsessed the minute you saw it. Thin straps held up the v neck front and crisscrossed at the back to connect with the deep back, and the gorgeous wrap on the front left a lengthy slit on your left leg. It was gorgeous… And a lot of money… But the way the Seth didn’t even flinch when you told him the price made you feel a little bit better.

Not to mention Seth has barely said two words to you since you got here… You’ve been standing awkwardly at a table by yourself since you got here while he paraded around making conversation, making no effort to introduce you to anyone.

He comes towards you, shooting you a grin and you roll your eyes. His hand lands on your bare back, and you hate how your first instinct is to look at Josh. You meet his eyes for a second and his jaw clenches before he tips back his drink. He’s standing by himself at the bar, and you don’t think you’ve seen him move since you got here.

You’d be lying if you said this didn’t hurt like hell. The only reason you agreed to this was because you thought that he would not be here, but as soon as you walked in and saw him in the three piece all black suit you felt like all the progress you made in the last four weeks had just been flushed, and you’re right back where you started. Trying not to cry from just one look at him.

Not to mention how he’s probably feeling, seeing you here with his best friend. You’re shocked that Seth doesn’t have a black eye yet honestly.

“Hey? Did you hear me?” You only realize that he’s been talking to you after he gives your arm a slight shake.

“Sorry, what did you say?” You ask, and Seth chuckles before wiggling his phone at you.

“My mom just texted, she feels like she’s coming down with a bad migraine, so she’s not coming.”

You stare blankly at him for a moment before slapping hard at his arm. He flinches and clutches his elbow with a surprised laugh, “What was that for?”

“You set me up, you asshole!” He argues it, half heartedly, his mouth disagreeing but his face tells you everything you need to know. “If I knew you were gonna do this to me, I would have bought some shoes too, damn.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He insists, and you roll your eyes.

“Just like you didn’t know that Josh would be here, right?”

“I had no idea.”

“Seth, this was not a good idea.” You say, and his little grin disappears fast. “Josh is probably pissed.”

“That’s kinda what I was going for…” He mumbles, and you shake your head at him.

“Are you trying to get punched again?” You’re trying not to sound as upset as you actually are, but you can’t help it. You weren’t ready to see him again, but you got forced into it. You did this to help a friend, but it turns out you were getting played.

“No.”

“Then we should probably go home.” You say, teeth clenched.

“We’ve only been here an hour,” Seth argues, and you give him a look.

“This was a bad idea.” You say again, and finally he seems to grasp the seriousness of what you’re feeling, and he nods, beckoning you towards the doors.

You drive in silence almost for the first half of the ride, and then finally Seth breaks the silence. “I’m sorry, okay? I was just trying to help fix things between you guys.”

You scoff, “How would doing this, showing up at a formal event together, fix anything?!”

“I don’t know!” He exclaims, “I thought you standing there in a pretty dress would maybe grow him some balls, and he’d talk to you, but it didn’t work.”

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, Seth. You’re overestimating the power of this dress. He’s probably just pissed at the both of us now.”

He doesn’t respond to that, and you lean your head against the window of the car with a sigh.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t really think it through, I just wanted to get you there. Josh has been miserable, and honestly, I was just worried about him. Despite everything you were really good for him, I just wanted to help.”

“You were worried about him?” You ask, wanting to know what about his behaviour was warranting worry from one of his teammates.

“I had predications,” He starts, “I thought I knew exactly how he’d act, ya know? I thought he’d be all mad and grumpy, partying a ton and sleeping around. Or I thought maybe he’d be working out like crazy and taking out all his anger on the ice, getting into fights and stuff, but it’s been neither, and that’s what’s freaking me out. He’s just been quiet. Sad. I know it sounds dumb, but he was always so happy when you guys were going out, and I just want that Josh back. This might not have been the best way to get it, but I didn’t know what else to do,”

Your anger is dissolved within seconds, and you nod slowly at Seth’s explanation. It was still a dumb plan, but it came from the right place. And you know what he’s going through, because you’ve been the same way since the last time you saw him. Just sad.

Despite everything that went on while you two were together, you were sure of one thing… In the moment, when you were with him and only him, you were happy.

You told yourself that you needed to end things because of how toxic you were for each other, but you’re wondering now if that was really the truth. The toxic part of the relationship was never the two of you together… It was always what you did behind each other’s backs.

“Yeah I was happy too.” You whisper, and Seth shoots you a sympathetic look.

A few more minutes of silence pass and the words shoot out of your mouth before you have the chance to regret them.

“Let’s just go to your place.”

Seth looks over at you with a shit eating grin and you laugh with a shake of your head.

“Yeah?” He asks, and you nod. “You want me to take you to him?”

“Take me to him.”

Your arrival a few minutes later sparks just about every emotion in you, the most prominent being nerves, but you know you can’t let the fear of rejection stop you from doing this. You say goodnight to Seth, walking past his door while he cheers you on.

He watches until you get to Josh’s door, and nods, giving you the encouragement to lift your hand and knock, and then he smiles and disappears into his place.

The door swings open and Josh has to take a second look, before he’s stuttering out a greeting. “H-hey,” It comes out breathy and quiet, like he can’t quite believe you’re here.

“Hi,” You respond, not really sure where to go beyond that.

The look of disbelief on his face doesn’t falter, and he stands still in the door way, eyebrows furrowed while he looks you over. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

“Can I come in?” You answer his question with one of your own and finally he comes out of his daze, side stepping so you can come in. He shuts the door behind you, but doesn’t turn, and you’re having trouble pinpointing where his head is at.

“I’m sorry for tonight.” You start. Before he can jump to conclusions, and you get defensive, you try to negate the fuse, hoping the situation will stay level. “I didn’t know you’d be there, I didn’t want you to see that.”

“It’s okay,” He says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants, not meeting your gaze. “I don’t have a say in who you want to date, I know you and Seth really hit it off, and if you guys like each other I’m not gonna stand in your way.”

You have to try not to laugh at this, but then you remember how it must look from his perspective, so you just shake your head, moving towards him until he raises his head to look at you. “I’m not dating Seth. He brought me to try and set us up.”

Josh’s eyes widen and then a small smile breaks on his stone cold features. “Son of a bitch.” You breathe out a laugh and Josh raises his brows at you, “Kinda backfired on ‘em.”

“Totally,”

You stand in awkward silence for a minute and even though you don’t really want to, you know that in this situation you’re the one that needs to make the move. You take another step forward, grabbing Josh’ big hand in your own. “I really am sorry. I know how that must have looked. But I realized something tonight.”

The decrease in space seems to queue the realization in him, and he sports a small smile, “What’s that?”

“I don’t think I need the time that I thought I did.”

“What’s that mean?” He pushes, and as much as you want him to just know how you feel, you know you have to tell him.

“I don’t-,” You start, finding it hard to say. Josh squeezes your hand, and you take a deep breathe, pushing the words out with your exhale. “I don’t wanna be apart anymore.”

Without saying anything he pulls you into a crushing hug, his hands slipping under the loose silk of your dress. His skin on yours ignites something in you and you just hold yourself to him, refusing to let go. “I know we did some fucked up shit to each other, but I know the consequences, and I know my wrongs, and I’m not ever gonna do anything like that again. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” He says, words muffled against your neck. “I wasn’t any better.”

“But I think that we can be better together,” You reply, pulling away to look into his eyes.

He nods, and then for a minute you just look at each other, both of you just wanted to be there with one another. Josh’s hand comes up to cradle your face and you lean into his touch, closing your eyes before turning your head to kiss his palm.

His eyes twinkle and then he leans in slow to press his forehead against yours, “Can I kiss you?” He asks, and you sigh, nodding while you answer.

“Please.”

His lips land on yours and it’s like somebody turned the lights on after being in the dark for months. Things feel right again, and you the only word you can think is relief. Once you’re breathless you pull away, gripping onto his suit jacket.

“We need to do things differently,” You tell him, and it’s like he’s trying to hide the smile on his face, but he can’t quite do it. He covers up by biting his lip, taking a menacing step closer to you. “We need to be honest with eachother.” You add, and he nods.

“Absolutely.” This time his hands land on your hips, a gentle tug pulling you into him while you try to control the thudding in your chest.

“Josh I’m serious.” You plead, but this conversation is going nowhere.

“I know, baby.” He replies, and it tugs your heart into your throat. It’s such a simple term of endearment but it’s been so long since you’ve heard anything like that from him, it just melts you. Melts you enough that your resolve crumbles slightly, and you let him kiss you.

He pulls you flush against his body, kissing you with everything that’s built up over the last few months, and it feels so right that you just want to let it keep going, but you know that there needs to be more than just the physical drive.

His hands slip around to your back, one sliding up just beneath the hem of your dress./?>,;, while he kisses down your neck. That’s when you have the mind to finally stop him. Well sort of. Your hands are tugging him closer, your head tilted back so he has better access, “Josh- we need to tell each other how we feel,”

“Okay,” He whispers, “How does this feel?” His lips continue to mouth at your neck and your own pulls into a smile at his wit.

“It feels amazing,” You reply, “But that’s not what I mean,”

Finally he pulls away, and you immediately miss the heat that came from him so close to you. “Well, I’ll tell you how I feel. I feel like I love you.”

The grin on your face couldn’t be wider, hearing those words from him is like a breath of fresh air into the lungs after being suffocated for so long. You’ve been waiting forever for him to say that.

“I know I should have said that a long time ago, I’m sorry.” He whispers, and then the corner of his mouth perks up in a little smirk. “But I’m saying it now, that’s gotta count for something right?” And then he does probably the cutest thing ever since he helped that old lady with the crackers at the super market. He kisses your face repeatedly, uttering ‘I love you’s’ in between every peck.

You push at his chest, trying (not that hard) and failing miserably to get him off you. He pulls with a chuckle, and his dimples dot his cheek as he looks over your face. “God, I love that smile.”

He whispers, and then again, “I love you.”

When you don’t respond he furrows his eyebrows, “I’m not saying you have to say it back or anything,” He pauses, looking over your features with curious features, “But are you gonna say it back?”

“I should make you wait.” You joke, and he chuckles, shaking his head.

“I know I deserve it, but you shouldn’t.”

You push up on your tip toes, using a hold on his biceps to steady yourself. You peck his lips and then whisper against them, “I love you.”

“Ugh,” He grins, throwing his head back with a huge smile. “I missed you,”

“I missed you too.”

Another peck and then Josh is pulling you close to him, extending your arm to the side. “Dance with me,”

You shake your head with a laugh, trying to wiggle yourself free, “You’re such a nerd, this is so cheesy! And there’s no music,”

He yells into the air, “Alexa, play perfect by Ed Sheeran.”

“No,” You groan, “That is the most mainstream love song, we can not do that one.”

“Jesus Christ, fine.” He groans, “Alexa, play can you feel the love tonight by Elton John.”

You open your mouth again but Josh interrupts, “Just shut up and dance with me, okay?”

You give up with a sigh, folding against his chest, letting him move you around the room. You hold each other that way for god knows how long, swaying around the room long after the music fades. Slowly things move to his bedroom, your dress and all three pieces of his suit getting lost on the way.

Everything moves slow but everything is felt so deeply, every touch and kiss. It’s perfect, and it’s the closest you’ve ever felt to him, and you’ve never felt more confident. You know things can work this time.

Afterwards, when you’re laying there, tangled in each other, Josh’s voice breaks the silence, “So are you my girlfriend now?”

You chuckle and cuddle closer to him, “Yes, Josh.”

“You don’t think that’s moving too fast?” His tone is sarcastic, mocking and you lift an arm to slap it on his chest.

“Shut up.” You grunt, and he laughs, the sound rumbling your whole body. “I guess we should thank Seth, hey?”

#gpp fic #josh anderson #josh anderson imagine #liv writes

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movedyoakkemae · 4 years ago

Text

my thoughts on the en.deavour redemption arc (chs 164 - 302). DO NOT REBLOG.

DO NOT REBLOG !!

the endeavour redemption arc is a rather controversial arc in the manga, and, tl;dr: i think it started eh, continued badly, turned better, then ended like shit.

note: if you are anime only, this will contain spoilers ! trigger warnings: child abuse, domestic abuse, suicide, and murder.

here are the things we know: endeavour physically abused shōto, tōya, and rei. he ignored natsuo and fuyumi, and he discarded tōya once he realised that tōya got burnt through using his quirk. he also mentally and emotionally abused all of them. separated shōto from the rest of his siblings. not to mention the fact that he married rei on purpose in order to create the perfect tool that would become the number one hero in his stead. he thinks of his children as objects, as extensions of himself.

however, endeavour, not out of his own power but because of all might's lack of strength, ends up reaching the number one spot as a hero by himself. this kickstarts endeavour's "redemption" arc, particularly in chapter 164 when endeavour asks all might:

endeavour: you hear about this? how the crime rate this past month... is up 3% compared to past years? i... i'm the guy who resolved more incidents than anyone, now more than ever... but i can hear it. the thing you've built that cannot be seen... is crumbling down. so, #1 hero... what's it mean to be the symbol of peace? (ch 164)

in a lot of ways, this question is surprising to hear. as we can tell even in the question itself, endeavour's main area of focus has been about the amount of incidents that he has stopped, the amount of villains that he has defeated, but recognising that there was something missing, something that all might had built up, certainly shows an awareness that endeavour seemed to lack earlier.

in the next chapter, the conversation continues:

endeavour: i gave shōto everything. by age 20, i'd already climbed to the #2 position. it was because i made that climb that i understood... unless i reached the summit, it was all for nothing. if all i cared about were titles, i could've worn a smile like you... and played the part of the lovable fool. but i wanted to be the strongest! [...] all might: endeavor. the position you've been put in... i know what people are saying. a lot of people compare us. but you and i are different. the symbol i strove to be... that isn't the path for you to follow. take your time to figure out... ...the way you ought to do things. (ch 165)

again, we still see that hint of same sort of "all he cares about strength". being number one was all about being stronger than all might, which is why when he found it impossible for him, he went on to try to create something that could end up being stronger than both him and all might. that would be, after he beat it into shape.

also, the fact that he says "i gave shōto everything". (yeah, you gave the poor kid trauma if that's what you mean by "everything".) that's something some abusers routinely say about their children -- that they gave them everything, that they should be grateful.

at the end of the chapter, we see shōto warmly giving a little girl a small fire to put her hands next to when she was chilly, a smile on his face, and endeavour has a weird look as all might says:

all might: what purpose does our strength serve? endeavour... the answer is a simple one. (ch 165)

this is what sets the tone for endeavour's part of his conversation with shōto in the next chapter.

endeavour: i'm proud of you, son. on that note... i'm hoping to become a hero you can be proud of. as your father and the #1 hero... i want to be deserving of those titles. shōto: [clearly aggravated and tense] good luck with that... (ch 165)

inasa sees endeavour talking to shōto and notices how his eyes have changed from being cold and not looking at anyone around him to actually focusing on shōto. as such, the readers are basically hinted to see that endeavour has changed, even just a little, already. he's no longer just looking at all might as the summit he needs to climb; he's actually seeing the people around him.

now, this kickstarts endeavour's arc of thoughts that being a better #1 hero would mean that he would be a better father. this we especially see in the endeavour v. nomu arc.

i think the first interesting conversation we have about the endeavour's redemption arc is in chapter 187 with natsuo and fuyumi visiting rei in the hospital. natsuo says,

natsuo: about him... they made him number one yesterday. it's official. the world still doesn't know the truth about you [rei]. about our siblings... about how he's always treated his family. for one, he doesn't do the talk show circuit. i can barely remember most of it, really. thinking back, he was like a perfect stranger. but... what he did to you, to shōto, and to... [tōya/dabi] well, i can't let anyone pretend it all never happened. it's been almost ten years, and he still hasn't come to apologise to you. his past, his family... it's like he wants to leave it all behind. [...] rei: apparently he's [endeavour] come many times. though... we haven't met. i'm a bit scared though... and my doctor says it's not a good idea. of course, i can't say what he's thinking. it might be external pressures. but... he's not leaving anything behind. not his past. not his family. i know he's trying to make sense of it all. (ch 187)

he's also apparently been leaving rei flowers, flowers that she told him that were her favourite once when they met for the first time.

i actually think in this aspect, it's good that he hasn't actually seen rei or pushed himself onto seeing her. he's letting her take control of her own recovery (although, i will say it's pretty fucking telling that even after a decade, she's still scared of him). i'd argue that the flowers might be crossing the line, but it seems that rei thinks of them as a nice gesture, so i'm not going to argue about how that could be perceived negatively.

the battle between endeavour and the nomu gets serious, and endeavour nearly dies (which is broadcasted on TV for shōto to see, ofc).

in chapter 189, we see three different characters' thoughts on endeavour never giving up (some of it in particular directed towards his fight towards surpassing all might and being number one via strength alone).

natsuo: he knows better than anyone... that he'll never be the next all might! that's why he gave up so quickly... and basically went insane... abandoning the kids he didn't care for... and driving mom to the breaking point... [...] fuyumi: he never gave up. in fact, giving up is what he's worst at. [...] hawks: i was watching you this whole time. i get it. there was nobody else out there... really trying to surpass him [all might]. only you! you were the one working to surpass him. [manga showing endeavour building a small bridge over the chasm that metaphorically separates all might from the rest of the heroes] (ch 189).

i actually agree with fuyumi here more than anyone. endeavour marrying rei and creating his children wasn't because he was giving up (for one, he thinks of his children as extensions of himself...) but part of his way of trying to surpass all might. he also continued to work and get stronger himself, which he wouldn't have been doing if he had just given up.

that being said, i do agree with natsuo's description of their childhood, just not about it being because endeavour gave up.

also, from a narrative perspective, the shift of endeavour's obsession with surpassing all might being thought of as negative (from shōto's statements of it in the sports festival arc) to positive (you're the only one who actually tried!) through hawks point of view is... interesting. horikoshi is re-contextualising endeavour's obsession as a good thing, and that, in point, is done to soften endeavour's actions overall.

after all, if it's a good thing that endeavour was trying to surpass all might, then doesn't his actions against his family make a little bit more sense? doesn't that mean that he had good intentions, even if he did something bad?

(nope. not in my book.)

so, the next part of this arc happens in 192, where endeavour comes home from the hospital and after defeating the nomu with a huge scar on his face (the exact same side as shōto's!), and we get that beautifully passive aggressive "nasty scar you got there" from shōto while he's slurping up soba noodles.

and then natsuo tries to leave and this conversation starts:

endeavour: natsuo... if you got something to say, then say it. natsuo: say it...? that's rich, coming from a guy who's never even looked me in the eye. listen to this... i didn't know shōto loved soba until today. why? because you never let him play with us failed experiments. i get the feeling that mom and sis here want to forgive you, but all i see is the same maniac who, all of a sudden, is getting rave reviews. you might look like a changed man, but you're not. you abandoned us as failures, left us to hear mom's screams, shōto's cries. and big bro tōya too... you being the top hero and beating some big baddie can't erase any of that. did you decide to have a change of heart?! think we can just hug things out and make up?! it's sickening! don't you freaking get that?! endeavour: i'm trying to make amends, going forward. natsuo: is that so?! [leaves] (ch 192)

for one, god fucking bless natsuo. i think he fully encapsulates my issue with this part of the endeavour redemption arc, which is solidified by shōto's own speech:

shōto: as a hero, this endeavour guy... is pretty darn amazing. but it's like natsu said. i'm not ready to forgive you... for abusing mom. so, heroics aside, what sort of dad are you going to be? that's what i want to find out. sure, the perfect turning point can actually change someone. i know it's possible. (ch 192)

endeavour doesn't need to be a perfect hero to earn redemption from his family. hell, even when shōto hated endeavour the most, he could admit that endeavour was a great hero. maybe his reasons for being a hero was off, but he saved people, he stopped the bad guys. i think it's even canon that he's technically saved more people than all might.

the problem was never with "endeavour", it was with "todoroki enji". todoroki enji was a shit father who didn't give a shit about his kids aside from what he could use them for. he was too obsessed with defeating all might that he lost sight of his family -- which endeavour finally seems to realise after this little speech.

endeavour's thoughts: [having a flashback to all might saying "what purpose does our strength serve?"] power... a reason to dominate... when he told me that, it came to me in a flash. an ordinary, simple thought. "i have to safeguard the future for them." that's the job for whoever's on top! and yet... what about the futures i cut short? [image of rei in the midst of a mental breakdown] just demanding forgiveness isn't enough. it's too late for that. at this point, i need to atone... there's no other route. endeavour out loud: fuyumi, i'm sorry for everything. that was the wrong thing to say to natsuo. (ch 192)

we see actual growth in his character, him actually starting to learn what he should be focusing on rather than what he was focusing on. he still slips up, like with him trying to demand shōto's attention through texting with contact information that he only got because FUYUMI gave to him (ch 203), which i have my own issues with. as in, fuyumi better have asked shōto permission before giving endeavour his contact information because, if not, then holy fucking shit, that's so gross.

in the next part of the endeavour redemption arc, we have shōto in chapter 242 invite izuku and katsuki to join him with training at endeavour's hero agency.

we still see hints of endeavour only really thinking of shōto as an extension of his will and his beliefs when he asks izuku and katsuki in chapter 247 what they're working on and what they want to achieve. he starts to move in without even asking shōto, which shōto objects to in his own way.

endeavour: let's get to it -- shōto: [clears throat] and me? endeavour: you're here to master flashfire, shōto! shōto: all the quirk training you beat into me as a kid... i've put it into practise with my right side. thinking back, it's no wonder i couldn't escape my own hatred of you. then i got into u.a. competing alongside these two [izuku and katsuki]... and everyone else... really opened my eyes. endeavour... in the end... i'm going to do exactly what you always wanted. but please understand... the man i admire... is the one mom and i watched on the tv back then. [all might]. as a fledgling hero... in order to become a man worthy of the title... i came here of my own free will! you're a rotten number one*. you were just in the right place at the right time -- that's all. sorry this isn't going the way you want it to, number one. so let's stop that father-son crap in front of my friends. endeavour's thoughts: since he was willing to come here, i thought the boy's heart was open and ready to accept me... what a fool i was! i had it all wrong! endeavour out loud: right. i'll be evaluating you three as heroes. (ch 247) *the translation isn't quite accurate, but i don't have access to the original japanese right now to translate myself. i just remember that this translation isn't the best.

once again, we do see that endeavour is learning. shōto expresses his feelings and endeavour tries to move on from there in the way that shōto wants him to -- and he does ! he stops acting like he's close to shōto as a dad in front of the others and acts only like a hero training an apprentice (without the abuse that happened all throughout shōto's childhood).

i think this and what happens in the next part of this internship arc, is probably the best written bits of the endeavour redemption arc.

by that, in chapter 249, we open with this inner dialogue from endeavour:

endeavour: i'm trying to make amends... going forward. it might be too late... but i fall asleep every night thinking about... what i can do for my family. lately, it's been the same dream. the wife and kids, looking happy... at the dinner table. but i'm... never there with them. (ch 249)

this kickstarts his decision that he gives to natsuo later, but before we get there, we get this awkward todoroki family dinner with izuku and katsuki. izuku finally finds out that katsuki overheard them during the sports festival, and fuyumi and shōto talk when they think they're alone.

fuyumi: it's not like i don't share some of natsu's feelings... but... it feels like we've been given another chance now... how do you feel about dad? shōto: this burn... i think of it as something our old man gave me. [cue horrific flashback of the aftermath of rei pouring boiling water on shōto's face and immediately apologising] mom endured and endured... until she couldn't anymore. so, i can't just decide to forgive the guy who wore her down... but... mom is trying to get past all that now. honestly... i don't know... how i should feel about him. i still... haven't seen anything. [...] izuku: todoroki, i think... you're getting yourself ready to be able to forgive him. just say "i'll never forgive him" if you really hate the guy. because you're so caring yourself... it's like you're waiting... or at least that's how it seems. (ch 249)

i think each of the siblings (including tōya / dabi!) really showcases a lot of the different reactions children can have towards abuse. fuyumi is the type who fully embraces the abuser back because they want to become a family again. shōto is the type who isn't quite sure but doesn't want to just kick the abuser down if he's actually trying to change. natsuo is the type who just does not want to be around the abuser at all and doesn't think the abuser can change. tōya / dabi is the vengeful one who literally wants the abuser dead or feeling how he caused them to feel.

i also have an issue with how izuku words this to shōto -- does that mean that natsuo is not caring? should he not be upset with endeavour for all of the abuse, and, in natsuo's thoughts, for causing tōya to die? he cares too much, and that's really it, and i think endeavour (funnily enough) encapsulates my thoughts on that completely.

for context, natsuo gets kidnapped and held hostage by a villain who wants endeavour to kill him. the villain is threatening to kill natsuo if endeavour doesn't kill him. endeavour chokes on the save aside from catching katsuki and natsuo after the boys implement their plans to rescue natsuo, stop the villain, and save the civilians. then, endeavour has this to say:

endeavour: i'm sorry! in that moment... i couldn't help but think... about how if i saved you... then going forward... you might feel... like you couldn't stand up to me... natsuo, believe it or not... i was never trying... to neglect any of you. but... all i could do was blame others and dodge responsibility. with tōya too... i might as well have killed him myself. natsuo: didn't neglect us? so what...? tōya has always told me everything. it'll be a cold day in hell... before i forgive you. 'cause i'm not as caring as shōto. endeavour: even so... even so... you keep showing up for fuyumi, right? and for your mom's sake? your sister loves the idea of being a big happy family... because... that's exactly what i ruined. she wants that back... she's so eager to fix everything. and that's why you're trying. because you care about how she feels, right..? because you are caring. so... you don't have to forgive me. i'm not looking for forgiveness. just atonement. natsuo: [starts crying] wow. you got a real way with words all of a sudden! i know how happy it makes sis, having us all together! but... when i see your face... those memories come rushing back. why do i gotta be the one to come around? atonement? how're you gonna make that happen? endeavour: i have an idea, actually. (ch 252).

endeavour saying "i wasn't trying to neglect any of you" is such a fucking backslide, but he somewhat saves it with explaining why. at the same time, the explanation doesn't really matter -- he did neglect natsuo and fuyumi. however, the next bit of it, when he says that natsuo does care, and that it's okay for natsuo to never forgive him -- that was real fucking character growth, and we see it come to a beautiful place at the end of the chapter where endeavour talks with fuyumi and natsuo.

endeavour: fuyumi. i've already talked about this with shōto and natsuo. you've been doing your best to create a safe and sound household for your mother to come home to. i've let you shoulder all of that... and i stood by while you worked hard... but it's all okay now. [thoughts: it's always the same dream. my whole family's there, but not me.] because i'm building a new house for you all. one that makes sense for your commutes. and one where you can give your mother a warm welcome back. fuyumi: what about you, dad...? endeavour: [thoughts: if i really care about how they feel...] i'll remain here. (ch 252)

this is where i fucking cheered. this is where i really thought horikoshi was going to save this arc. abusers forcing their presence on the family is absolutely the wrong way to do it. endeavour trying to be the "best hero" is absolutely the wrong way to do it. endeavour stepping back, making sure that they're all comfortable, but (most likely) being there when they want to reach out on their terms in the way that they want to -- that's beautiful. that's actual growth. that's literally the best decision any abuser can make ever; leaving it in the hands of the people he abused.

in this part, in this moment, i could have accepted the endeavour redemption arc. i might not have agreed when shōto decided that he could see endeavour as a father (depending on when it would happen in canon and what would cause it), but in this regard, i could actually see redemption.

and then we get the fucking shitshow that is dabi reveal arc and the dabi backstory arc, and then i just want to throw away the whole fucking redemption arc.

in chapter 290, we get the dabi is todoroki tōya reveal (surprise, surprise /j). tōya, being the dramatic bitch that he is, washes off the probably water-soluble black dye off of his white hair and tells endeavour and shōto that he's tōya and that he's been waiting for years to take endeavour down and that he's sending out a broadcast to every TV station live detailing about endeavour's abuse of his family.

dabi: when, at long last, you could stare your kids in the eye... didja finally start to feel the warm and fuzzy bonds of family?! you must've thought, "as long as i can face the future, i can be better!" i can tell you're at a loss for words, so here's the answer! the past never dies! get it, yet?! you reap what you sow! so let's tango, you and me -- todoroki enji! a dance with your son, here in hell!! (ch 290).

in chapter 291, we continue the dabi reveal (including a 99.9% match between his DNA and endeavour's DNA as proof of their relation! hint: that's not actually fucking possible, but i'm pretty sure that's either a translation error or a wording issue) in the public eye. we get this fun little monologue from endeavour in the beginning of the chapter:

endeavour's thoughts: i thought it could be you [tōya]. you could have been the one... to reach my eternal goal. my frustration... my envy... the ugliness in my heart... you could have been the one... to smash it all to dust.

again, we get that whole "using child as an object/extension of endeavour" thing that has characterised endeavour for a long time. tōya shouldn't have been created to fix his frustration about not becoming number one himself.

regardless, endeavour stays in shock for the rest of the battle, unable to even move despite the fact that shōto managed to pull himself together in order to try to save everyone on the battlefield despite dabi trying to kill him.

we then go to chapter 300, where endeavour wakes up in his hospital room and ruminates on everything that he had done. he cries and expresses guilt, especially on how things played out with tōya when he was a child, and he declares that "i might get to live on... but endeavour died back there. my son's a mass murderer, yet... i can't fight him." (ch 300).

then, shōto, natsuo, and fuyumi enter the room while endeavour continues to cry.

endeavour: sorry... i'm... so sorry. i'm sorry... i didn't realise until now... these regrets... this guilt... it's too late to matter! my heart... it's... rei: [walking into the room] yes? what about your heart? those regrets and guilt... the rest of us have borne that burden... much more than you have. endeavour: rei?! why are you here?! rei: i'm here to talk about our family. and about our son, tōya. (ch 300).

this jumpstarts into a flashback of what caused tōya's "death", and i think in some truly horrific scenes that i think horikoshi writes in a way that we're supposed to feel some level of sympathy for endeavour. reading all of that makes me feel even -infinity sympathy for endeavour.

in chapter 301, we start the flashback into the past, where tōya wants to continue quirk training but endeavour begins to discard him, saying that it was for tōya's own good (because he burns himself when he uses too much fire). unfortunately, tōya doesn't care about his own burns, he just wants his dad's approval and wants to surpass all might himself.

endeavour, meanwhile, is still focused mostly on creating a child that would surpass all might, as we see in this conversation between endeavour and rei:

rei: no... that would be too much! it's too cruel! especially now that tōya knows what you're hoping to achieve through the children! endeavour: no matter what i say... he comes home with fresh burns every day. he inherited that pigheaded stubbornness from me! that's the only way to make him give up! since he'll never be the one to surpass... [all might] (ch 301)

(sure, that's your motivation. you say that while you literally have the same eyes as when you think about all might being better than you).

endeavour's eyes when thinking about all might being better.

endeavour's eyes when thinking of "stopping tōya" through the birth of more children.

we see that shōto is born, and that tōya doesn't stop training on his own, which causes endeavour to snap at tōya:

endeavour: no! why won't you stop?! you're covered in burns... and you still don't get it?! why?! tōya! you have to... look beyond all this. play with natsuo and fuyumi! make some friends at school! there's a whole other world besides the hero stuff... i know you understand that! take my advice, and this'll all be a distant memory soon. tōya: the kids at school all say they wanna be heroes. i can't understand that. because i've got you as a father. you lit this fire in me, dad, and it's not going out! i can't just pretend it's not there! [uses his fire] look at me, endeavour! look... at me!! [goes to attack baby!shōto] (ch 301)

all tōya wanted was not to be discarded, and he could see just as well as anyone that endeavour didn't seem to care about the others as much -- that's why tōya went for shōto, not for any of the other siblings.

endeavour had no real idea how to talk to tōya, or even knew how to reach out and get some help, and that was probably (mainly) because what he was doing with rei and creating his children was illegal, as we hear from a doctor earlier.

and before anyone blames tōya, he's young ass kid who knows he's being discarded by his father, and he wants attention. just any sort of attention. yes, he's going to lash out. yes, he's going to keep on doing what originally got him his father's attention (aka training). yes, he's going to try to attack endeavour's "perfect child" for "taking his place". i don't blame tōya for that -- i blame endeavour.

rei: [in the present] you don't get to claim you're hurting more than anyone. and you're not the only one who didn't really see him. (ch 301)

this next chapter, the next part of the flashback, chapter 302, is particularly rough, and it's in part with what's hinted in rei's last part of this comment. (i agree with the first part! endeavour doesn't get to claim that he's hurting more than anyone else. it's the second in context with chapter 302).

we return back to the flashback where endeavour is talking to rei about separating shōto from the rest of his siblings.

endeavour: i'm too busy with work to look after him [shōto] 24-y... which is why i've hired help. but you -- don't you take your eyes off of tōya. rei: he just wants you to look at him. to notice him. that's all. endeavour: all i can show anyone... is the world of heroes. rei: heroes? aren't you just running away? (ch 302)

interestingly enough, endeavour's face in this conversation is covered by shadows. all we really see are the whites of his eyes and the side of his face where sweatdrops of stress are running down. rei's face, too, is practically covered aside from a close-up on her stressed eye. a lot of rei's downward spiral focuses on rei's eyes over anything, so i think this is where we kind of see -- well, not the start of that (we do see that focus in ch 301), but the continuation of her stress that leads eventually to her mental breakdown.

then, we continue on (with an interesting conversation between tōya and rei, but we're focusing on endeavour unfortunately, so alas) with tōya talking to endeavour.

tōya: listen, dad. next time you get a day off... you gotta come up to sekoto peak with me. endeavour: [grabs tōya's shirt violently and lifts it up. his thoughts: new burns! where he can keep them hidden! he's been training that way on purpose!] damn it! again?! tōya: no, wait! what i can do now is really cool! you gotta come see! i might be as awesome as shōto sooner or later! maybe i'll be even better than all might someday! then you've gotta give me some respect, dad! you'll be glad you created me! i just know it! (ch 302)

the next scene is a very clear domestic abuse scene (even if it cuts away from the actual hitting).

endeavour: why didn't you stop him?! huh, rei?! damn it, that's all i asked you to do!! shōto: [crying and stepping in front of rei, trying to defend her] don't bully mommy! stop it! don't be mean to her! endeavour: get out, shōto! it's none of your business! natsuo & fuyumi: [cowering, crying, and covering their ears] rei: i... can't stop him. (ch 302).

skip the next scan if the narrative hint of domestic abuse happening might upset you.

now, i'm putting in the scan to showcase that we essentially get to explicitly see this all go down. endeavour is a shadowy figure in the bedroom, we see nothing of rei's face except for her eye (crying, and again, that same focus where we see her slow descent into her mental break), and we see all of the children cry except for tōya because he's out training on his own again.

the fact that endeavour decides to berate, and most likely hit, rei instead of going after his son -- well, he'd come to regret it later when tōya supposedly dies because "all he [endeavour] taught me... was how to turn up the heat." (ch 302). tōya burns himself to death because endeavour decided that because his quirk wasn't good enough to beat all might that he rather not train him at all anymore. that -- ugh.

and then we get out of the flashback and back into the hospital room in some of the most abhorrent lines of the present moments of this arc.

endeavour: if only i'd given it all up that day... but having killed tōya... i felt there was no turning back, so i poured all my energy into shōto... at the expense of everything else. rei: once tōya was gone, you grew worse and worse, until i couldn't stand the sight of you. it got so bad, i even started seeing hints of you in the children's faces. fuyumi: i knew our family was broken, but i was too scared to interfere. all i could do was try to fix things just to keep up appearances. natsuo: it was you who started all of this. you're the root cause, but... maybe, if i'd just slugged you in the face and made you have a few serious talks with him... "dabi" never would've come about, and i would've been enjoying some good soba with shōto all these years. rei: you're not the only one who's responsible, and now we all have to take responsibility for what comes next. (ch 302).

ignoring the next part for now, holy fucking shit. horikoshi makes the decision to spread the blame of tōya's death to the rest of the todoroki family, never mind that rei was also abused by endeavour and that fuyumi and natsuo were twelve and eight respectively.

endeavour showed no signs of listening to ANYONE. rei told him flat out that he just needed to give tōya attention, and he didn't listen. the fact that fuyumi felt burdened on trying to keep up appearances and felt like she didn't try to fix things at the age of twelve -- horrific. the fact that natsuo blames himself for not trying to talk some sense into endeavour at the age of eight -- horrific.

this is the moment where i threw the endeavour redemption arc into the garbage -- the rest of the family taking blame onto themselves that they shouldn't blame just so that endeavour can just right back up and be a hero.

endeavour was not going to change, not for anyone. hell, even with tōya's death, and endeavour admits it himself, it made him even more stubborn in his ways because one of his extensions of his will sacrificed himself, so he best make sure that shōto becomes the best extension of his will he can be.

this is genuinely so disgusting that i can't even put into words just how terrible this is. the fact that horikoshi made this decision -- i lost all respect for horikoshi as an author and in the endeavour redemption arc.

this chapter ends with shōto being proclaimed as the family hero and that endeavour needs to come back as a hero and fight dabi and by this point, i already hate everything, so throw the bitch out.

i think if the endeavour redemption arc had stopped in chapter 252, i think it would have been great. i think if they had played off the dabi reveal in any other way, without the family blaming themselves to partially absolve endeavour of his guilt, i think it could have been fine. but the way that this played out, the way that the victims are blaming themselves in part to make the abuser feel better -- no. just, fucking no.

is that a thing that happens in real life? do abuse victims internalise the abuse and then think that the abuser was just trying to do their best? oh yeah. however, with how the rest of the arc seems to be going with endeavour (endeavour showing up in the newest chapter still going around as a hero -- the number one hero, even), horikoshi is condoning that instead of writing it as unhealthy as it should be written.

thus, nope. throw the whole fucking thing away. no thank you.

#⤷ shouto t.【 ❝ heroes also have times when they cry. ❞ 】metas.#this is a 5.9k meta #this is longer than some of my college essays #it's also a lot messier than a lot of my college essays #i don't go that deep deep into analysis and word choice like i normally would #but i think y'all can get my points #tl;dr: fuck horikoshi and fuck endeavour ty very much #mentions of child abuse //#mentions of domestic abuse //#mentions of suicide //#mentions of murder //

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percontaion-points · 3 years ago

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Foxhole Court chapter 4

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 4

"I thought you had [your boyfriend] Erik," Neil said.

"I do, but Kevin's on the List," Nicky said. When Neil frowned, Nicky explained. "It's a list of celebrities we're allowed to have affairs with. Kevin is my number three."

Normally, I wouldn't even bat my eyes over such a casual mention of something like this. But in a story that's already pumped full of abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, and probably a lot more nonsense to come...

The idea of an “allowed cheating list” just rubs me the wrong way.

“Then the ERC threatened to revoke our Class I status and fire Coach if we didn't start winning more

often. Coach bribed Andrew into saving our collective asses with some really nice booze."

"Bribed?" Neil echoed.

"Andrew's good," Nicky said again, "but it doesn't really matter to him if we win or lose. You want him to care, you gotta give him incentive."

"He can't play like that and not care."

"Now you sound like Kevin. You'll find out the hard way, same as Kevin did. Kevin gave Andrew a lot of grief this spring,"

I know that this is probably difficult for these people to understand. But normal people don't make playing a sport their sole personality trait. That obsessing this much over a singular thing with no hobbies or interests outside of it isn't healthy.

"Kevin wants to know what's taking you so long. Did you get lost?"

"Nicky's scheming to rape Neil," Aaron said.

HAHAHA BECAUSE RAPE JOKES ARE JUST SO FUCKING HILARIOUS. /ALL THE GODDAMNED SARCASM

Andrew had a short knife pressed to Nicky's jersey. Where he'd pulled it from, Neil didn't know, but he refused to think Andrew wore one onto the court under his uniform. There had to be rules and regulations against that. The last thing Neil wanted was for Andrew to stab someone in the middle of a game. The Foxes would be banned from the league in an instant.

So this guy 1) is a drug addict 2) is an alcoholic 3) has to literally be bribed to even play 4) is clearly mentally unstable and ready to literally stab somebody at any given time

Tell me again why he's somehow better for the team than the risk of him going loco and costing the entire university team EVERYTHING?

"Andrew is a little bit crazy. Your lines are not his lines, so you can get all huff and puff when he tramps across yours but you'll never make him understand what he did wrong. Moreover, you'll never make him care. So just stay out of his way."

JFC, now Nicky is saying to just let this sociopath do whatever the fuck he pleases?

This overgrown child needs to be institutionalized; not allowed to play team sports for a university. This man is a danger to society.

"You be something. Kevin says you'll be a champion. Four years and you'll go pro. Five years and you'll be Court. He promised Coach. He promised the school board. He argued until they signed off on you."

"He—what?"

I don't know why Neil is surprised by this. These people pressured him so much until he agreed to sign to attend the school to play. Why the fuck is them making deals about Neil behind Neil's back somehow any different?

He hadn't even realized she'd been injured so badly after running into his father in Seattle.

Wasn't daddy dearest in prison? Why the fuck was he running around in Seattle? I'm so fucking confused.

This was why Wymack's contract, Kevin's lofty ambitions, and Andrew's words meant nothing in the end. It didn't matter what they offered or promised him. Neil wasn't like them. He was nothing and no one, and he always would be. Court wasn't for people like him.

THEN WHY THE FUCK DID YOU COME?!

What I'm going to tell you is an open secret. That is, we know it," he waved a finger in a circle, likely meaning the Foxes, "but no one outside our team does. It has to stay that way no matter what, do you understand? People could get hurt if this gets out. People could die."

I'm not going to deny that there are people in the world who would murder because of sportsball. But all I'm saying is that their mental state was probably not amazing to begin with, and they probably shouldn't have been in society in the first place.

"They built this complex around the same time we started construction on the Foxhole Court. Thought our team would be something and people would want to live in the area to be close to the stadium for games. Then we couldn't perform, so the apartments didn't fill. The lower floors are pretty full, and the middle floors get rented out during football season, but top two floors are pretty bare.”

Yeah, that's bullshit. People would still move into those apartments, sports team or no.

He hit full speed before he reached the street, going so fast he was nearly falling over, but he couldn't outrun his thoughts.

Chapter 4 summary: The next day, Neil tries to settle into his new life here. He goes for a jog before going to the stadium early to get changed before the others get in. They have summer practice with just those who are there (the wonder twins, Kevin, Nicky, and Neil).

After practice is over, Nicky randomly starts talking about how Andrew fucking hates the sport, which is baffling to Kevin. However, Andrew has a hard-on for Kevin. And Nicky warns Neil to stop openly staring at Kevin, or else Andrew might get jealous and attack Neil. Because that's fucking hilarious, you know.

Andrew shows up, and randomly threatens Nicky with a knife over how he was apparently flirting with Neil. Despite Neil stating that he only just wanted to play sports, not to hook up or have a relationship with anybody. Nicky relents, and after Andrew leaves, tells Neil that he isn't his type anyway. He also warns Neil to just let Andrew do whatever he wants. Because that's how you should deal with people like that... right?

They then go back to the field, where they set up a mock-game. And good grief. I thought that watching sports on TV was boring. Ain't got nothing on this tedious wall of bullshit. After a while, Kevin sends Nicky and Aaron inside, and it's just him, Andrew, and Neil. They continue to play for a bit longer, but then Andrew then starts to beat the shit out of Neil with his racquet. Which... okay.

Neil eventually goes home, where coach yells at him over having “blown out his arms”. And I get that this is college sports, and it's on another level than HS stuff. But at the same time... this is literally day two of summer practice. There is literally no reason to threaten to beat a literal child up.

We have a two-week time skip, and then Neil goes back to the stadium later at night to practice. Andrew is there, mostly sober because it's late and he apparently can't sleep with those drugs in his system? Sure, whatever. Anyway, he says that Kevin promised Neil over to some pro teams after his term at the university is over. Neil doesn't think that this is true. After Andrew leaves, and Neil tells Kevin that he came to practice, Kevin is rude about Neil's ability to play, and says that practice won't help. This goes into what Neil said: that Andrew is full of shit.

Neil then sits down in the locker room and thinks about his mother's death. I don't fucking care about any of this.

Neil sleeps in the stadium, and goes back to coach's apartment just in time to hear him getting into an argument with Kevin. The exy overseeing board (whatever they're fucking called; I don't give a shit), is like “We're forcing Kevin back to the Ravens.” and when Kevin refused, now they're going to make the foxes play against the ravens.

Coach then flat-out tells Neil that Riko smashed Kevin's hand because he was jealous of Kevin's playing. He says that he felt like the abuse had been going on for some time, but the hand breaking was the final straw, and Kevin decided to get out before something worse happened to him. He then tells Neil that the Moriyama family is part of the yakuza, or the Japanese mafia. This continues on for a long while, establishing just how shitty that this family actually is, and how the Moriyama family controls the entire sport of exy.

But despite how terrible that the foxes are, and Kevin's injury, he refuses to show any weakness to those assholes who screwed him over so badly. However, this just convinces Neil that he needs to leave, and he needs to leave ASAP.

#All For The Game #Foxhole Court #chapter 04 #Neil Josten #Nicky Hemmick #shitty people are shitty #Aaron and Andrew Minyard #WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK #What Is Happening #plot hole time!#David Wymack #HEADDESKING #do you even know how the world works?#Kevin Day #Riko Moriyama

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engmjr419 · 4 years ago

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There is Joy in Simplicity: 19th century Optical Toys

A late 19th century advertisement for the Stereoscope. It advertises the ability to be “Around the World in 60 minutes” reflecting the educational quality people believed the Stereoscope to have. Source.

I have become engrossed in the world of Yo-Yos lately. This little hunk of plastic with the name Duncan painted on the side, flying through the air on a string. By itself it seems so perfectly simple, however the world of Yo-Yos is deeper than one would think. For instance, there’s several different types of Yo-Yos with their own advantages and disadvantages based on their material and shape. While a Yo-Yo may seem like a simple toy, they also demonstrate a humans ability to learn reflexes. At first, I could barely get the Yo-Yo to come back up but after weeks of continued use I can shoot a dog across the wooden floor of my mother’s kitchen. Toys in a society are truly significant, because they represent what that society wants the young to learn or what they themselves want to play with. They are a form of experimentation.

Just as the yo-yo represents a learning of reflexes, the toys of 19th century America reflect the societal obsession with illusion and vision. Granted, people of the 19th century already had stuff like dolls (which I would argue is still related to vision of the human form), wooden tops and yoyos, dominos, balls, and all other means of play, but the late 19th century sees a boom of vision-based toys. We see the kleidoskope, the thaumatrope, the phenakistoscope, the stereoscope, the zoetrope, and the praxinoscope emerge as these fun little practices in vision. The early hints of film, the basics of animation, the play of illusion all appear in this era.

These toys exist as echoes of the 19th century American societal interest in deception, vision, and representation of self. In the early 19th century, the American faced challenges of identity, the crowd, later on they faced the mass societal grief and crisis of war, the camera as a view of reality, and the concept of the showman like P.T. Barnum, going into the late years of the era we see the early hints of film come out and the concepts of reality. Throughout the 19th century we see visions-based gadgets appear as supplements to the already ongoing discussions of view. Toys like the kaleidoscope, the thaumatrope, the phenakistoscope, the stereoscope, and the zoetrope and praxinoscope all represent a growing societal interest in vision and experimentation throughout the 19th century.

An 1818 illustration titled “Human Nonsense”, the man in the top hat is so entranced by the kaleidoscope, he doesn’t notice he’s walking directly in front of a bike. The Victorians had what Is now called a “craze” over kaleidoscopes as they allowed exploration of vision. Source.

The first optical toy to be invented in the Victorian age was the Kaleidoscope in 1816, by David Brewster, who we will see appear again. Jason Farman of Atlas Obscura describes the 19th century kaleidoscope design as, “made from a range of materials, such as tubes made of brass with embellishments of wood or leather or those cheaply made of tin. The base of the tube was typically filled with broken pieces of glass, ribbons, or other small trinkets.” When viewed from one side, the other would appear as a range of fantastical colors, patterns, and shapes. It almost immediately gained massive popularity, amongst both children and adults, scientists, artists, and industry professionals. Scientists “found it useful as a tool to visualize massive numbers” while artists and industrials used it “for patterns on china, paper, carpets, floor-cloths, and other fabrics” (Farman).

It was experimentation in the role of the eye in light, and shape, along with the illusions of beauty, or reality, when viewed close with a magnifier. Truthfully, some people felt betrayed when they found out what was inside of a kaleidoscope, R.S. Dement, a playwright, writes he was “deceived (as a child) into believing that what he saw was at least the shadow of something real and beautiful, when in truth it was only a delusion” (Farman). However, this only further intrigued some of the Victorian viewers:

These new visual tricksters fed into the fascination in the deficits of the human eye and how it could be misled. As people began understanding human vision differently because of these objects, people also began seeing the world through machines like trains, moving walkways, and steamships (Farman).

While the kaleidoscope is simplistic, it is not to be denied it is important as a starting point for the 19th century conversation on vision. A tube that presents to the viewer an illusionary range of symmetrical colors and patterns, created by broken glass, ribbons, and random scraps.

Vignette by George Cruikshank from Philosophy in Sport, 1827. Source.

The next optical toy to appear was the thaumatrope, appearing in the mid-1820s (when it was first published) by John Aryton Paris. The history of the thaumatrope is a mixed and complex mess of early 19th century scientific figures making a bet, including John Herschel (A popular astronomer), Charles Babbage (A mathematician who made the calculating engine), and David Brewster, however it stands clear as a true foundation of visual interest (Herbert). As much as I talk it up, the toy is extremely simple. It consists of a piece of cardboard with two strings on each end, with a picture on both sides (the classic example is bird on one side and a cage on the other) and when the user twists the strings fast enough the two images appear to become one (The bird appears inside of the cage). The same effect had been created by spinning a coin previously, however the thaumatrope was the first to give “the phenonium a scientific explanation and a device produced to be sold as a popular entertainment” (Gunning 499).

Bird-in-Cage Thaumatrope, the classic example and believed to be the first thaumatrope image created as an example, by Dr. Fitton. This depiction pictures the expected result of twisting the strings. Source.

While it is basic, its an extremely effective toy for teaching a core concept of the 19th century. There is flaw in the human vision, or moreso, the human vision has depths and conditions. From 1827’s Philosophy in Sport by Paris, “I will now show you that the eye also has its source of fallacy” says “Mr. Seymour” as he operates the device (501). Its simplicity allows there to be no questions about interference from the toy’s design, there is no mirror, or screen, or other window the viewer is looking at the toy at through.

“We can operate it and understand its process. But the image it produces is not fixed in space, embodied in pigment or canvas; it occurs in our perception. Yet while it may be defined as a subjective image, taking place through our individual processes of perception, it is not a fantasy or, in a psychological sense, a hallucination” (513).

There is simply vision, and the effect of the lasting image (called an afterimage) the human eye creates with the reality the user is the sole reason the illusion continues. Tom Gunning captures perfectly what the Thaumatrope meant as a foundational toy, “This device introduces to the Victorian era a new class of images simultaneously technological, optical, and perceptual” (500). It is the perfect device to start the 19th century with a magical simplicity that allows the user to experience illusion in their own hands through natural processes of the eye.

An illustration depicting a person using the phenakistoscope. Of course, it’s impossible to depict the movement accurately in a drawing. Source.

Later, in 1832, the phenakistoscope was “simultaneously invented…by Joseph Plateau in Brussels and by Simon von Stampfer in Berlin” though other concepts were in the works at the same time (“Phenakistoscopes (1833)”). The so called “parlour toy” is a cardboard disc on a handheld stick with an outer circle of images and an inner circle of slits which the viewer would look through. The “trick” of the toy is to spin it while looking through the slits into a mirror, where the images on the outer circle jump to life in animation through the distortion and the flicker of light as the disc moves. “The scanning of the slits across the reflected images kept them from simply blurring together, so that the user would see a rapid succession of images that appeared to be a single moving picture” (“A Short History of the Phenakistoscope”). Its one of the earliest forms of animation, completely using human sight as its method.

A Phenakistoscope featuring zebras and monkeys in a jungle setting, the zebras would run, and the monkeys would swing when viewed through a mirror. This particular phenakistoscope is from a competing product of the original production, “Mclean’s Optical Illusions or Magic Panorama” from 1833. This is a simplistic image, but phenakistoscopes became more complex as years went on. Source.

Like how the thaumatrope represents a flaw in human vision, the phenakistoscope fully represents the conditionality of vision. The human eye is susceptible to condition, to light, to distortion of light, to illusion. The illusion is only possible through a window, the mirror, showing the young the new concepts of the human eye as an unreliable “narrator” by itself. However, at the same time it shows it through an exciting illusion of movement. The Phenakistoscope saw mass popularity, being published under names like Fantoscope and “Magic Wheel”, leading to further visual toys being produced which would eventually overtake the simple phenakistoscope and thaumatrope. However, before we get into them let us take a quick sideroad into the world of photography.

A 1908 advertisement for a stereoscope viewer in the Pittsburgh Daily Post. It presents the stereoscope as a tool, and as entertainment. Source.

In 1838, Charles Wheatstone published a paper reporting an odd illusion he had discovered where two drawings of the same object, at slightly different perspectives, were placed next to each other the two would be fused together by the eye into a three-dimensional view of it. It is realized this is exactly how the eye functions, each eye taking its own perspective and the two images fusing together for a full three-dimensional view (Thompson). From Oliver Wendell Holme’s 1859 essay on the Stereoscope (After it gained mass popularity):

The two eyes see different pictures of the same thing, for the obvious reason that they look from points two or three inches apart. By means of these two different views of an object, the mind, as it were, feels round it and gets an idea of its solidity. We clasp an object with our eyes, as with our arms, or with our hands (Jacobi).

Wheatstone created a table-top device to demonstrate this effect more easily and clearly, thus the world’s first stereoscope was created, a product of the 19th century’s scientific endeavors.

However, the mass market version of the stereoscope would not be refined and produced until a decade later, by Davis Brewster (who you may remember as the inventor of the kaleidoscope and involved with the thaumatrope) who crafted it into a handheld model in 1849, enabling a scene to appear anywhere.

The refinement of the stereoscope just so happened to align with the release of the first photographs (the specific type called daguerreotypes) as well, enabling the device to show its true potential. “Once Brewster’s design hit the market, the stereoscope exploded in popularity” writes Clive Thompson of the Smithsonian, “The London Stereoscopic Company sold affordable devices; its photographers fanned out across Europe to snap stereoscopic images. In 1856, the firm offered 10,000 views in its catalog, and within six years they’d grown to one million.” The stereoscope, at least its phenomenon, is possibly one of the most long-lasting of these optical toys, considering 3D magic books are on the shelves that use stereoscope technology and some virtual reality headsets rely on the same visual illusion to function.

A stereograph of Indian people gathered outside of a building, created between 1860 and 1930. Stereographs were viewed as tools for exploring the world without literally traveling, however it also led to people objectifying different cultures as they were not people but depictions of people that lacked relation. Source.

The stereoscope equipped with the stereograph became a scientific tool, a toy, and an educational object. Astronomers used it to peer closer at celestial objects. “Astronomers realized that if they took two pictures of the moon—shot months apart from each other—then it would be like viewing the moon using a face that was the size of a city: “Availing ourselves of the giant eyes of science,” as one observer wrote. (The technique indeed revealed new lunar features)” (Thompson). It also became a tool of education, as a way for the child to view far off locations and immerse in a select scene, which the Victorian believed sharpened the child’s attention as their mind was “chaotic and unfocused”. The mass popularity of the stereoscope enabled mass collections of stereographs to develop, which further allowed people to see far off regions, of India, of Asia, of Africa, and the landmarks of Europe, South America, and their own America. However, overall, it remains a toy, a device for entertainment, a way to immerse oneself in another world, another plane, another region.

The stereoscope reflects the society’s interest in vision, the world, and the depths of the human eye. The lighting illusionary discovery reveals the eye to be more than seen, a thing to be further explored. The use of the stereograph reveals the human eye to have complex mechanisms of sight, what you see if not simplistic it is made up of two images. People collected hundreds of stereographs that depicted America, landmarks, animals, people, and any other thing you could imagine into countless to indulge in. However, it is important for the Victorian, and us, to remember however, a person inside of a photograph is not a person, it is the depiction of a person.

A 19th century advertisement for the Zoetrope from T.H. McAllister, describing the Zoetrope as “an instructive Scientific Toy, illustrating in an attractive manner the persistence of an image on the retina of the eye.” The nickname “Wheel of Life” comes from the way the images appear to “jump to life”. Source.

The direct improvement of the phenakistoscope was the cylindrical Zoetrope, first invented by William George Horner in 1834 (only a year or two after the phenakistoscope) who originally named it the Daedalum (the “Wheel of the Devil”) but only marketed in 1887 under the new name of Zoetrope (A combination of the Greek words for life and turn). It improves on the phenakistoscope in two aspects, the user did not need a mirror to observe the effect, and the device could be enjoyed by more than one person at a time. The Zoetrope works in a similar method, along with also being constructed of cardboard, to the phenakistoscope:

Photo included with the article, showing the construction of the zoetrope. Source.

The zoetrope is a mechanical device that produces the effect of motion through a rapid succession of static images, seen through the slits in a rotating cylinder. The sequenced drawings or photographs lie beneath the slits on the inner surface of the cylinder, and as the cylinder spins the viewer looks through the slits at the opposite side of the interior. This scanning action prevents the images from blurring together, and the viewer is treated to a repeating motion picture (Kumar).

The device is considered an early work of animation, along with the flipbook, and acts as a supplement to the evolving concept of human vision, deception, and illusion in the 19th century. From the time of its creation to its market appearance, P.T. Barnum rose to worldwide fame, the Civil war ended, the concept of photographs and spirit photography had arrived, and the societal concept of children had evolved. It is only just then, that the Zoetrope is succeeded by yet another evolution of vision, the Praxinoscope.

An advertisement for the Praxinoscope theatre at the 1878 Exposition Universal in Paris, highlighting its winning of a bronze medal. Source.

The Praxinoscope was created in 1877 by Emile Reynaud, a Frenchman. It is similar in design to the Zoetrope, however it has one innovation that makes it superior, it replaces the slits used to create the effect with narrow vertical mirrors placed in the center of the drum (Greenslade). This enabled even further wider audiences, along with cleaner, brighter animation which was vital in an era before the lightbulb. The praxinoscope garnered massive popularity, being used in homes, and presented as theatres like the one above.

The zoetrope and the praxinoscope both represent the later ends of the 19th century in terms of the view of vision, as this concept that exists to be explored, a thing that can view through windows into other realities, that of film, of moving pictures, of the modern cinema experience. They stand as foundational objects to the modern film industry, with film coming quickly after their creation in the late 1800s and early 1900s. While these toys are simplistic to the modern viewer, they stand as important milestones of concepts of human vision, of looking askance, and of the eye.

Lithograph by Alfred Mahlau from “Spielzeug, eine Bunte Fibel”, a german book from 1938 by Hans-Friedrich von Geist. The lithograph shows a Kaleidoscope, A Stereoscope, a Zoetrope, along with later film mediums. Source.

The 19th century was an era of vision, the exploration of it, the evolution of it, and the play of it. Within the century we see the concepts of vision evolve, from the simple exploration of tricks of the eye to the questioning of the credibility of it, alongside it we see these optical toys appearing as exploration of the concepts. The kaleidoscope appears in the early 19th century as an exploration of the interaction of the eye and light. The thaumatrope flips as a exploration of an illusionary sticking image of the eye. The phenakistoscope spins to look at how the interaction of the eye and light can create illusions of movement. The stereoscope appears as another exploration of an illusion the eye creates, being used to explore other regions and concepts. Finally, the Zoetrope and the Praxinoscope make their way in, becoming early concepts of animation by building off the concepts of the phenakistoscope, and enhancing the effect with more slits and mirrors.

While these toys may seem laughably simplistic to us, there is a reason things like yoyos, balls, and dolls are still so amazingly popular along with these very optical toys being recreated and sold. There is a joy in simplicity, there is joy exploring the human eye.

Farman, Jason. “The Forgotten Kaleidoscope Craze in Victorian England”. Atlas Obscura, November 9th, 2015. https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-forgotten-kaleidoscope-craze-in-victorian-england

Greenslade, Thomas B. “Praxinoscopes”. Instruments for Natural Philosophy, Keyton College. http://physics.kenyon.edu/EarlyApparatus/Optical_Recreations/Praxinoscopes/Praxinoscopes.html

Gunning, Tom. “Hand and Eye: Excavating a New Technology of the Image in the Victorian Era” Victorian Studies, Vol. 54, No. 3, Indiana University Press, Spring 2012. Pgs. 499-501, 513.

Herbert, Stephen. “The Thaumatrope Revisited; or: "a round about way to turn'm green". The Wheel of Life, https://www.stephenherbert.co.uk/thaumatropeTEXT1.htm

Jacob, Carol. “Tate Painting and the Art of Stereoscopic Photography”. ‘Poor man’s picture gallery’: Victorian Art and Stereoscopic”. Tate, https://www.tate.org.uk/whats-on/tate-britain/display/bp-spotlight-poor-mans-picture-gallery-victorian-art-and-stereoscopic/essay

Kamar, Julie. “The Wheel Of The Devil - The History Of The Zoetrope From Ancient China To Pixar”. June 1st, 2012. Thalo, https://www.thalo.com/articles/view/343/the_wheel_of_the_devil_the_history_of_the

Thompson, Clive. “Stereographs Were the Original Virtual Reality”. Smithsonian Magazine, October 2017. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/sterographs-original-virtual-reality-180964771/

“A Short History of the Phenakistoscope” June 28, 2014. Juxtapoz: Art & Culture, https://www.juxtapoz.com/news/news/short-history-of-the-phenakistoscope/

“Phenakistoscopes (1833)”. The Public Domain Review, https://publicdomainreview.org/collection/phenakistoscopes-1833

#Optical Toys #19th century vision

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centvr · 4 years ago

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𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆

[ mat bar/zal . 20 . male . he / him ] just saw 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐔𝐒 '𝐂𝐀𝐙' 𝐙𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐑 dragging their suitcase up the steps of 𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 . good luck living with 𝐇𝐈𝐌 , word around campus is that they’re 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐄 , 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅𝐈𝐒𝐇 , 𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 & 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 . makes sense they chose that house now , doesn’t it ? let’s hope this new living situation doesn’t affect their 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐑 year of 𝐁𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐘 [ oliver . 22 . they/them . est ]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒

the son of one of the most prominent nflers not following in his father's footsteps, shunned for choosing the wrong sport ( perhaps his father should have known, naming him CASSIUS after the betrayer ) ; a graduate of the us national team development ( hockey ) program where he really came into his own as a TWO-WAY CENTER & continues to grow with his college team ; in his third and final year studying BIOLOGY, because if the nhl didn’t pan out he always wanted to be a vet ; a sharks prospect, but A MINNESOTA BOY through and through, from his love of frozen lakes to his love of hockey ; just someone who hides everything with a smile and a nonchalant attitude even when he’s about to break and knows failure is not an option when he's come this far.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

( tw for death & verbal / emotional abuse )

— cassius adrian zeckhauser was born on a chilly november day, the first snow flurries of the year fluttering outside the st. paul ( minnesota ) hospital window. star nfl quarterback robert zeckhauser at the tailend of his career and his beautiful model wife welcomed their newborn son into what should have been the perfect life — with a name like that though, it probably should’ve been obvious that he wasn’t destined to be happy.

— and it was extremely close to perfect for almost twelve years. time was split between st paul and a summer and vacation home in monterey, california. caz followed in his father’s footsteps playing football, and also hockey as all good minnesota children do. it was a snowy night not too long after his twelfth birthday when his mother passed away suddenly of what doctors claimed were natural causes. they never were able to identify what exactly it was that ended her beautiful life, all caz knows is that after that things changed.

— now in retirement from playing, his father sold their main home in minnesota and moved them permanently to monterey. grief changes people, and not always for the better. in the wake of the loss of his wife, robert zeckhauser threw himself into the bottom of a bottle and coaching rather than face his grief and became obsessed with what he saw to be his son’s god given path to nfl stardom.

— caz, to his credit, did show great potential at football. his father’s additional coaching only gave him an edge : no one could argue that he was talented just because of his father’s influence — unless they were just referring to him inheriting his genes. caz loved football actually, but that was before his father’s dogged obsession with him succeeding in it. then high school came and thing became much worse. the more robert zeckhauser became obsessed with his son following in his football career, the more caz began to hate it.

— the field was soon associated with negativity, even though his coaches did their best, it wasn’t enough to tamper the infamous temper of robert zeckhauser. he never laid a hand on caz, but that was only because he didn’t have to — caz was simply too afraid.

— and so caz began to spend more and more time at the one place that seemed to bring good memories for him : the ice rink. growing up in minnesota, caz knew how to skate and how to play the game, of course ; it was pretty much inevitable. he’d shown what same said could be elite PROMISE at that too before robert zeckhauser packed up ship and moved them to sunny california. hockey wasn’t just for the frigid sub-zero temperatures of canada.

— with the extra time on the rink to calm his mind and escape the noise of the outside world, caz became even better, standing out boldly on his hockey team as the BEST by miles ( and that meant catching the attention of scouts for a certain program ). robert would yell at dinner about priorities ; for once, caz wouldn’t listen. it all came to a head when caz received an invite to try out for the us national team development program before his junior year of high school. and then caz finally saw a chance at salvation : a way out. ( all robert zeckhauser saw was his son personally spiting him by picking the wrong sport and throwing away millions and tainting the family legacy ).

— but regardless, caz ended up making the squad by the skin of his teeth, playing for them for two years — and best of all, being able to spend the school year back in minnesota away from the presence of his father. it was evident early on that he made the right choice, and under the usntdp coaches he made progress in leaps and bounds — going from barely making it into the program into one of their best. but with that came his father’s wrath — caz only went home to monterey when he had to, and sometimes not even then, preferring to stay with one of his teammates if they would have him. summers were near inescapable though, filled with loud, toxic beratements and even longer, more toxic silences.

— fortunately or perhaps unfortunately, caz was climbing the prospect charts though — and the only thing robert zeckhauser hated more than his son was bad press, and that meant all their arguing and deeply negative relationship was kept under tight wraps from the public eye. caz’s development and talent and increasing prestige was probably the only thing that kept his father from actually cutting all ties with him, which at least meant he never had to want for money to support himself.

— caz had plenty of schools clamoring for him to commit by his senior year, but most intriguing was a personal visit from the head coach and athletic director of the west coast halston university. meant to bring an east coast flavor to the west, they’d just recently received their division i designation for their men’s hockey team only the season past and wanted caz to be their defining piece to keep them there. there were other schools of course, boston university, minnesota, north dakota, a handful of ivies, and yet caz’s mind kept going back to halston and eventually he signed on the dotted line for them.

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂

— his major is bio because if the nhl doesn’t work out he always wanted to be a vet and has a deep love for animals. a dog is something he’s always wanted, but has never had the time of physical stability to adopt one. he doesn’t have much time during the school year but in the summer he volunteers part-time at an animal clinic.

— drafted before his freshman year in the 2018 draft 21st overall to the san jose sharks :) he’s a two-way, playmaking center with exceptional skating skills. centers the first line and plays on the powerplay, and more recently has become a fixture on the penalty kill as his defensive abilities have gotten better ( i’m thinking jack eic/hel in style, but like... if you walked jack back to an appropriate college level lmAO ). wears number 13 bc im lazy in edits and has an A.

— caz is in his third and final year of college. thanks to a heavy number of ap credits, summer classes, and a much sharper mind than most people give him credit for ( and far too much stress and sleep deprivation ), he’s close to pulling off his plan to graduate in three years. ideally, the sharks would have liked him to be playing with their ahl team this year, but caz had made it clear he wanted to graduate before joining the nhl, upholding a promise he’d made to his mother before she passed away. it was agreed caz would have three years, and he hopes to make the team straight out of training camp come next august.

— caz was sixteen, finally away from his father and thriving under the guidance of the ntdp, when he realized he liked guys just as much as he liked girls — maybe even a lot more. it’s something he had to come to begrudging acceptance with ; a difficult task for him at first. it was simply a fact and facet carefully explored behind locked doors and then carefully buried where no one could ever find out ( he doesn’t know which would be worse : his father or the media ). currently, he’s extremely careful about his approach with the same sex, often just sleeping with guys also in the closet or at least those who understand the sensitivity of the subject — often fellow athletes.

— when it comes to destressing, caz is unsurprisingly one to frequent the rink or go for a run. he has recently taken up yoga though which has had the added benefit of improving his flexibility so win-win, he guesses.

— caz keeps a pretty steady schedule somehow, rising at nearly the same early time every day even if the time he goes to sleep fluctuates and even if he doesn’t have a morning practice to get to. he believes it’s a good habit to establish. he’ll go down to the kitchen to make coffee and breakfast. that being said, that doesn’t mean he’s a morning person — he’s grumpy and near mute until he’s had at least two cups of coffee, but he will offer to make anyone who’s also up that early an omlet.

— any positive traits caz exudes are certainly in no way thanks to his father, but rather a series of people who stepped into that role when he left at sixteen. he didn’t realize it at the time, but running away from something also become running toward something else. his coaches stepped into fatherly roles in his real father’s absence. they and his billet family and the parents of his friends in the program kept him grounded and level-headed when he could have turned out much differently.

— he’s a regular at a cafe near campus that he stops at after morning workouts/practices before going to his first class. he drinks his coffee black.

— he’s no chef but he’s decent in the kitchen and very cognizant of the food he puts into his body. because of that, he’s also not a huge drinker either and rarely consumes soda.

— there’s a pullup bar on his door and he starts and ends his day with situps, pushups, and pullups.

— caz was raised roman catholic but his own beliefs have trended strongly toward agnostic as he’s gotten older.

— he goes by caz and pretty much caz only. he’s doesn’t make it very well known what his actual first name is, and almost everyone who does know has found out on accident be it a rookie mistake in the hockey team’s promoing ( doesn’t happen much anymore ) or a curious eye on his driver’s license. cassius is what his father calls him, and he’d prefer it if no one else did.

— the décor of his room is extremely minimalist. a photo of a night sky over a frozen lake in minnesota on his wall and one from his time at the ndtp on his nightstand are the only ones in his room. a sharks pennant hangs on the inside of his door as a reminder of what he’s working toward. it’s otherwise kept bare and clean. his sheets are gray, his comforter plain black. he keeps thinking about getting some plants but has never gotten around to it.

— since caz’s start at halston, his father picked up a sports analyst job in the bay area where he also rents a lavish apartment. this means he’s thankfully usually absent in their monterey home which caz usually frequents in the summers save for the month he’s on campus for summer classes.

— accolades : silver medalist ( 2019 world junior championships ), 21st overall 2018 entry level draft, silver medalist ( 2018 IIHF world u18 championships ), gold medalist ( 2017 IIHF world u18 championships )

— i imagine that halston’s d1 hockey program functions very similarly to that of arizona state university in that it is an independent program not affiliated with any conference. upon creation of the program, they played a hybrid season against a variety of D1, D2, and D3 programs and transitioned to playing against exclusively D1 programs starting the season before caz arrived on the team ( 2017-2018 ). they have made the frozen four final once last season ( 2020 ) and lost in the semifinals.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

PRIVATE , SELFISH , AMIABLE & HARDWORKING

— caz is someone who puts a hundred percent into whatever he does : practice, homework, a friendly game of volleyball in the backyard. no one would call him a slacker by any means, except of course his father. his focus and motivation is unparalleled, and that’s helped him greatly through his life in school and his endeavors toward being a professional athlete. but there are times when he puts too much of himself into something. he’s terrible at multitasking, focusing on one thing at a time in full, and has a tendency to burn out if he’s not careful ( or if no one’s looking out for him — which in his first year at halston, probably was more common than not ). he doesn’t like people who don’t try their hardest, though he’s sympathetic to those who do and still do not seem to get the results they want — especially those on the hockey team, often offering to lend them a hand if they want it.

— in his life caz has come to learn that only person he can fully trust and count on is himself. that’s resulted in a rather selfish streak in him, though he works to not let that appear too much on the surface. he’s not an unkind person who would walk over others to get what he wants, and he fears growing into the arrogance and blunt forwardness of his father, but the ultimate bottom line is he will always chose to help himself over someone else. there are a few rare exceptions to this of course : a handful of his teammates and very close friends.

— still, he’s a friendly person, someone who’d give off fairly good and relaxed vibes ; some may even call him kind. there are plenty of people who’d consider him a friend, though the truth is they might not know all that much about caz. he has the uncanny ability to make people feel like they know him without revealing anything of substance. he’s very much a two-way mirror or the façade in that manner : caz sees out but no one ever sees in. to most he’s happy, he’s fine, friendly, amiable, and never gives anyone a reason to doubt that.

— caz has a way of appearing calm, cool, and collected even when he’s not, and a lot of effort on his part goes into that to come across that way. there’s a lot that can hide behind a smile and an easy-going attitude and caz has perfected that armor meticulously. the truth of course is that he’s under an immense amount of pressure and a lot closer to falling apart then he wants to admit — he’s afraid if anyone did manage to worm their way in that he’d fall to pieces.

— he’s most reserved at parties, always in attendance and participating enough for it to be socially acceptable but never letting himself go completely. there’s still a lot he can lose, and he’s not in the business of doing anything that could jeopardize that further.

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

— 6′0″ & 189 lbs : caz is unsurprisingly very fit and strong, with the large quads and glutes 🍑 common in hockey players, though his upper body and core strength is nothing to snooze at either.

— black hair with a slight curl, usually kept to a modest length and styled to look effortless, could be described as fluffy or tousled ( pretty much as it looks in most of the gif icons and visage gifsets ). when he’s stressed he has a tendency to run his hands through it and it looks even messier. caz isn’t much on his appearance, but he is careful to tend to his hair. it does get quite long in the summer, seeing as he often doesn’t get it cut between the end of the season until right before pre-season ; often needing to be kept back in a bun near summer’s end.

— gray-hazel eyes : their exact shade depends on the light. they’re very much his father’s eyes over his mother’s warm brown ones ; it’s a fact he hates but he does appreciate the fact he also inherited his dad’s 20-20 vision.

— typically clean shaven or with some stubble when he misses a couple days or so or sometimes slightly more esp around exams and project due date. the exception to this of course is during the end of year tournaments during which he doesn’t shave and looks rather scruffy.

— on a normal day, caz has the fashion sense you’d expect from a college athlete, liberally employing the use of sweatpants, nike and adidas track pants, t-shirts, hoodies, and sneakers and slides. he does have the ability to look nice when he has to though, often cutting a sharp figure in a suit on gamedays and formals, or a slim fitting pair of darkwash jeans and a button down when the occasion calls for it.

— jewelry : he’s almost always wearing a rather non-descript necklace with a small circular pendent that belonged to his mother ; an analogue watch with a brown leather band that doesn’t seem to match with his college athlete look that was a gift on his eighteenth birthday from one of his coaches who became a father-figure in his life ; his right lobe is pierced ( the result of a some very poor judgement in the summer before he arrived at halston, but at least it wasn’t a tattoo of something embarrassing like his friend zac ), very rarely is anything in it and most people don’t know it even exists, but he puts something in it frequently enough that it still hasn’t closed up.

— scars : a small scar over his right cheekbone from an accident on a frozen lake when he was young, near invisible unless you’re close or know it’s there ; two longer scars about two inches long on his right outside elbow from when a cat scratched him at the clinic ; several other small ones he can’t recall the injuries they’re from

— tattoos : a butterfly and a moth in flight together on his left bicep, the butterfly was for his mother, the moth in a way to represent himself ( they mean self-acceptance, after all ).

— PINTEREST BOARD HERE

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

first and foremost, i love chatting and brainstorming with people. i think that’s where the most meaningful plots are formed, but here are a few ideas to serve as starting points :

— childhood friend ( any ) : someone who is also from a wealthy family, likely close to monterey or in the very least in california. they had to attend a lot of the same fancy diners and parties as him. perhaps this person is aware of his true relationship with his father and just how deeply negative it is. — TAKEN BY BLAIR.

— the set up ( female ) : this was a last ditch effort from his father, not long after caz left for the usntdp when he was sixteen, his father set him up with this girl he deemed to be a suitable match, the daughter of another rich family ( perhaps sports related, or just wealthy ). most of their contact probably was over the summer when caz was more free. the nature of their relationship can be brainstormed, robert stopped pushing it when caz was drafted at eighteen ( two years ago ), but i think he still wants it to happen.

— the ex-girlfriend ( female ) : caz only has had one girlfriend in college from his freshman year. this is pretty open-ended but i do strongly believe that she broke up with him ( for whatever reason, but i imagine something along the lines of him not loving her nearly as much as she loved him ).

— i hate your guts ( any ) : they were groomed to HATE each other, to carry on the stupid rivalry of their fathers that no one remembers the reason for — perhaps it’s as simple as there not being enough room for both of their egos. it doesn’t really matter what the reason that started this was. they don’t really know why they hate each other at this point, it’s just a fact as instinctive as breathing ; not a single conversation can be had without them clashing in some way — TAKEN BY KIERAN.

— you know i’ve got your back ( male ) : honestly caz just needs a friend, guys...

— animal lover ( any ) : someone who’s run into him at the animal clinic over the summer or is just somehow otherwise aware of his love for animals. i just want to write something about that facet of him.

— the blind date ( female ) : someone his teammates keep trying to set him up with because they’re certain he’s lonely. i mean... he is but that’s not the point. honestly so open ended. — TAKEN BY FRANKIE.

— hookups, project partners, people on campus he randomly runs into, fans of the hockey team, fans of him, crushes on him, housemates, the world is our oyster lads.

— also i know the ratio is kinda off on this list but i’m a lot better of coming up with plots for males on the spot so honestly just come vibe w me. okay thank you 😔

𝐎𝐎𝐂

hello everyone !!! i’m oliver or ollie, 22, they / them pronouns, and in the est timezone. i am very excited to be finally bringing caz off hiatus with the very sexy mat as his fc ( which if you know who he is u probably were like ‘ whiteguyblinking.gif ’ when you saw him on the list but i promise this is gunna work, i’ve been making gif icons like crazy ). he was always my first choice fc for caz but i was always too lazy to make it happen until NOW. also im censoring all actual nhlers names because i don’t need the mortification of this showing up in their tags somehow. anyway, i’m super excited to get things rolling and i hope we’re here for a good long time !!

#halston.intro #( in the instance u may recognize this character #pls know i rewrote most of this to be...#a lot nicer and more in depth so #kindly pls read )#( new fc #MUCH better intro )#( it went from 988 words to #3.5k #😭😭😭 )

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int9 · 4 years ago

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I was tagged by @gruvfru! Thank you! :)

1) Do you make your bed? I am morally opposed to making my bed. I won’t do it unless we’re literally selling the place.

2) Favourite number? I’ve always liked 8. It’s the highest even single digit number and can be divided evenly by 2 three times. That’s pretty neat.

3) Your job? I’m a student. Besides that I’m a full-time disappointment.

4) If you could, would you go back to school? College wasn’t a bad time for me, as I made some of the most amazing friends and learned a ton... and I kind of miss that I never had a 4th year because I graduated a year early. :/ So I would go back to enjoy a 4th year with my friends and take all the cool upper level humanities courses I never got to take, if for no other reason.

5) Can you parallel park? Nope. I live in the middle of a city and have done it but it’s always a nerve-wracking experience and I avoid it whenever possible. Also just hate driving.

6) A job you had that would surprise people? The only jobs I had were as a stats lab TA in college and some clerical job at an ER. Neither of which are very surprising.

7) Are aliens real? I want to believe.

8) Can you drive a manual car? Nope. First and only car is automatic.

9) Your guilty pleasure? Existing. Breathing. Enjoying literally anything lol. But I guess... using my academic knowledge for very impractical reasons.

10) Tattoos? I don’t have any and don’t plan to get one, but I think they’re neat. If I were to ever get one, I’d get a simple fish skeleton to represent my love for cats and complex feelings about mortality.

11) Favourite color? Green, specifically celadon.

12) Things that people do that makes you crazy? Folks who aren’t honest and upfront about their feelings/concerns, but then express themselves passive-aggressively or expect me to read their minds, then get upset when I guess wrong. This is a general pet peeve of mine but was exemplified by a certain person I knew. 😩Please just be blunt & literal with me, I will not be offended.

13) Any phobias? I think I just have one. There isn’t a name for this, but it’s a mix between astrophobia and megalophobia... Stuff that triggers it includes looking through a telescope, zooming out too far in Google Maps, and certain gifs/videos of space. And it doesn’t just make me uncomfortable, I legit get panic-stricken and lightheaded. Anything involving leaving the atmosphere or gravity weirdness freaks me out too. Makes no sense why Super Mario Galaxy and Star Wars are some of my favorite things ever.

14) Favourite childhood sport? I’ve never been into sports but I did adore taekwondo. Only did it for a few years and got to blue stripe belt I believe.

15) Do you talk with yourself? Talk. Sing. Argue. Soliloquy. All of it.

16) What movie do you adore? Maybe generic but Star Wars Ep IV is always going to be one of my favorite movies.

17) Do you like doing puzzles? Jigsaw puzzles or like Professor Layton? Not huge into puzzles but I’m not gonna hide my obsession with jigsawplanet dot com only a few months ago. I like solving "puzzles” if there’s a tangible outcome to it (like in coding or building something, sometimes in video games).

18) Favourite kind of music? Depends on the genre. I listened to a lot of pop & electro swing and actual early/mid 20th century music, but for studying purposes, I spend most of my time listening to game OSTs and instrumental stuff, like renaissance lute music, some classical, and modern stuff inspired by Celtic music and whatnot.

19) Tea or coffee? Tea all the way.

20) The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? A doctor. But I recently unearthed something from first grade in which I said I wanted to be the president lmfao.

No idea if you guys have done this yet, but @eu-nao-sou-um-chapeu and @aztarion :) Only if you want to! And of course whoever else sees this and wants to do it, feel free! Please tag me if you do!

#siaspersonal

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sunshineandfangs · 5 years ago

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Saudade, Retrouvailles

Day Seven (October 13th - Sunday): Canon-ish

Still annoyed by all the mess that was made in TVD/TO? Well, this is the day for you to write your own version of the events. TO’s ending fix-its, canon divergences throughout the show(s), future moments… It’s all fair game! So explore all the unexplored potential of Klaroline in this day and share the goodness with us all!

I didn’t manage trope x trope, but I finally decided to work on the canon fix-it I’ve been meaning to write for months...Although I guess one can argue there are at least two tropes in this.

The words are inspired by this post by @labime.

Saudade:

The feeling of longing for someone that you love and is lost.

“Vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist.”

Retrouvailles:

The happiness of meeting again after a long time.

“…in French, we say ‘les retrouvailles sont hors du temps’ which poorly translates to ‘there are moments that don’t fit time.’”

---

The Unmaking

She felt it.

Sitting in her car just outside the city limits of New Orleans, her head tipped back against the seat.

He was gone.

A tiny, hysterical giggle (sob) caught in her throat. Surely, it couldn’t just be her that felt the change of his absence? The most powerful creature in the world, as he once said.

And all those years and miles between them: twisting and turning and slowly, elegantly going to twine their lives together.

All of that, so it could end like this.

Her fingers curled, white-knuckled around the steering wheel, her head tilting forward.

No.

She wouldn’t let it.

---

For a woman that planned out the vast majority of her life, there was a distinct lack of such as she rushed to fix this-this travesty. It was a desperate, selfish feeling that swelled and consumed her from the inside-out. A feeling she couldn’t call anything but love. Ironic considering how long she spent running from such a label.

But she knew with a deep, long buried instinct exactly what she could do, as though through a veil of dreams old knowledge and memories resurfaced. They had been lost to her for a long time. Not blackened and suppressed like compulsion, but rather dimmed to something forgettable and unimportant.

See, on her dresser there was a beautiful music box. She had carried it with her from her childhood home to her dorm and on and on to each place she lived. Subconsciously, she had held it close even when she had forgotten its meaning.

And while hers was white and gold and sleek lines, delicately painted and carved with flowers and butterflies, her father’s had been a small, intricate thing. Burnished gold filigree and encrusted with tiny emeralds. It had led his heart to Steven, granted courage when he would have been cowed by small town judgement. Granted knowledge of how to protect all that he held most precious to him.

A vague niggling in her brain reminded her too of her grandmother’s, her father’s mother. How Nana’s had been deceptively plain, though sturdily made of a handsome wood. Whatever gift it had granted to her, Caroline could not recall, but she knew each of the Forbes line, back and back across countless generations carried one with them until they needed it most.

Once more the irony was near overwhelming. It had not been the innumerable disasters and dramas of Mystic Falls that triggered her remembrance, but Klaus. Klaus and the wild, powerful emotions that dwelled in her heart.

The drive from NOLA back to Mystic Falls was a blur, a blitz down the highway that she could barely recall. And as if on autopilot, Caroline stepped purposefully toward her room once she arrived. To where the music box sat, as it always had.

With delicate fingers, she cracked open the lid and slowly wound its key. Listened to the clicks of the gears. And when she released it, magic sung through the air. It wound itself around her figure, the sheer force unmistakable for all that its touch was gentle. The world shuddered and shrunk around her. Time and space and reality itself unwoven. Threads pulled loose and returned to the ether, ready to be twined together once more.

---

The Reforging

When the world came back into focus, Caroline found herself stalking away from the school. The transition was extremely disorienting, expecting it or not, and she was thankful that the current (past?) version’s memories were at the forefront of her mind.

Her eyes widened as she processed them, her body blurring into motion, a thousand thoughts whirling in her head. The cancellation of the 1980s Decade Dance, for all that it vexed this Caroline, would have been a mere blip on her radar. However, there was a different set of events that happened today. Events that she recalled far, far move vividly.

As she raced across town toward the Gilbert’s house part of her was thankful for the essence of world altering magic that lingered within her. Not only did it grant her memories of The-Future-That-Never-Was (now at least, and hopefully never will be), but also her strength. And sure a decade or two extra meant little in the grand scheme of vampire strength, but right now any advantage helped.

Splitting her attention, Caroline fumbled for a moment to grab her phone as she ran, hesitated a split second before settling on texting Klaus. (Ignored what it meant that she had his old number memorized). She was fairly certain she could get the jump on her friends, considering this would be an utterly unexpected and seemingly out of character move. Still, it wouldn’t do to accidentally alert more people’s suspicions than she had to with a call. Klaus would certainly be challenge enough.

---

Said Hybrid was fuming in the cellar of the Salvatore’s basement, only a fraction of his attention paid to snark at the elder Salvatore of all people. He was far more restless than he let on, sensing something was wrong, but not knowing what. Having long learned to trust his instincts, it was frustrating to be uncertain where to point them.

When his phone vibrated in his hand, he looked down eager for news, and saw the last person he expected to be texting him.

[Caroline Forbes] 4:12 PM: klaus this is caroline

[Caroline Forbes] 4:12 PM: get to the gilberts house

[Caroline Forbes] 4:12 PM: NOW

[Caroline Forbes] 4:12 PM: trust me pls!

He abruptly stopped talking as he peered down at his phone, wondering when Caroline learned his number, wondering if he could trust her as she requested. As she near begged him to really. And it was that note of pleading, present even through the pixels of his phone that settled the matter for him. Without so much as an acknowledgement or good-bye, unless one counted snapped necks, Klaus sped up the stairs.

---

Halfway to his destination, Klaus’ phone rang, Kol’s name on the caller ID. His eyes narrowed, instincts flaring, and he moved even faster as he answered the call.

“Well, if it isn’t the happy homicidal maniac,” he taunted, digging for the truth as he riled his brother.

His brother that was certainly not abiding by their normal script as he snarled back, “Did you know that your darling former blood bag and her brother are trying to kill me?”

“What?” He growled, the pieces easily falling into place with Caroline’s own texts from mere moments before.

“Don't pretend like you're not in on it. Your obsession to find the cure clearly trumps any sibling loyalty you once felt.”

There’s so much Klaus wished to say, most of which he swallowed to save for their upcoming confrontation.

“You are an utterly reckless fool, Kol, but you are my brother first.”

His words seemed to fall on deaf ears. “I'm going to rip off Jeremy's arm and kill Elena just for sport. Then I'm coming for you.”

The call ended before Klaus can retort. Though with the house mere streets away he could hear the fighting. Once this little problem was dealt with, he and his brother could have a proper chat.

---

Caroline came disastrously close to colliding into Bonnie in her rush. Though it took little time to turn it into something fortuitous, memories of a spelled cage and a furious Hybrid in her mind. Offering up a mental apology, Caroline gently knocked the witch out, setting her down swiftly, but carefully on the Gilbert’s front porch when she reached it.

Even from outside, Elena’s, Jeremey’s, and Kol’s fighting was glaringly obvious. Sounds of their shouts and the destruction of furniture carried down from the upstairs. Caroline rushed in, all but flying towards the sounds of their conflict.

It was sheer luck that had her appearing as Kol vanished to chase Jeremey, Elena’s head conveniently bowed as she struggled with the stake in her leg. Another mental apology and another unconscious friend later, and Caroline’s obstacles were dropping by the second.

Thankfully, her luck continued to hold as she flashed after Kol and Jeremey .And when she came upon them Jeremy was still dazed as he was dragged upright by Kol. Being a Hunter and in an Original’s grasp, Caroline couldn’t afford to be as delicate as she was with Bonnie. She slammed the poor boy out of Kol’s arms and used the momentum to smack his head onto the counter, being extremely careful not to kill him, though she feared he’d likely need some blood when he came to.

She then rapidly backpedaled as Kol snarled at her, confusion slightly softening his otherwise fierce expression.

“What is this?” He hissed. “Here to protect him? I’m afraid I can’t allow that, Darlin’.”

He took a menacing step towards her as she raised her arms in placation, even as she prepared to dodge his blow.

“Take another step and I’ll tear out your liver.”

Caroline didn’t allow the sound of Klaus’ voice to soften the wariness in her spine, no matter how much she longed to. She also didn’t take her eyes off Kol, even as he turned to sneer at his brother in the doorway.

“Don’t you have any original threats, brother. First daggers now my liver. Besides-” his slight pause was all the warning she had, and thankfully all the warning she needed. She just managed to dodge his blow, though he was uncomfortably close as he snarled, “you’re not invited in.”

Flashing closer to the entrance, she was able to hear every bit of menace in Klaus’ voice. (If both monster and woman were a bit flattered by his protectiveness... well she ignored that for now too).

“Do you think I’ve forgotten how to dismantle a house until ownership means nothing, because I assure you, Kol, I have not.”

Kol chuckled darkly. “And in the time it takes you to do so? What do you think shall happen to this tasty little thing, hm?”

Caroline still wasn’t looking at Klaus, but she felt the way the air shifted. Suspected that his eyes were burning Wolf gold behind her.

“Nothing,” he uttered with a frightening matter-of-factness, “if you don’t wish to be begging for a dagger by the time I am through with you.”

Something hateful shifted on Kol’s face and despite how all her instincts screamed at her to stay silent, Caroline knew she could not. Not when they were on the verge of dangerous escalation.

“Enough!” She yelled, startling both brothers, for all that they were partially arguing about her. Steadied herself as both their regard shifted. “There are far more important things we should be discussing.”

“Oh? And what things are those, Darlin’.”

It was obvious Kol wasn’t taking her seriously in the slightest. Irritating though unsurprising. That quickly changed when she uttered her next words.

“Things such as Silas.”

There was a moment of stunned silence before both Mikaelson’s spoke. Kol now serious and mildly suspicious. Klaus incredulous.

“However did a baby vampire from Mystic Falls learn anything of Silas?”

“Sweetheart, you can’t believe such utter rot.”

With both Originals now clearly hungry for answers and the mounting list of things Caroline knew she must do, she almost regretted stepping in to save Kol.

Almost.

For all that she had never met the man prior, despite the apparent witchy shenanigans involved in his resurrection, most people agreed that he was a bit of a psycho. And this demonstration certainly did nothing to help his case. However, he was also Klaus’ brother, and Caroline well remembered the devastation on his face when Kol had died. How Klaus lashed out. How she was honestly stunned in retrospect that he hadn’t massacred the town in vengeance. And more than that it was the right thing to do. If not for Kol than for the thousands of uninvolved vampires that would have dropped dead with him.

Still, all that didn’t make what she needed to say, eventually needed believed any bit easier.

Caroline took a breath, dearly wishing to rub at the tension in her face, but knowing better than to drop her guard.

“Look, it’s a long story and I’d rather not be here when my friends wake up. There’ll be enough yelling as is, so if we could maybe move this little powwow elsewhere that would be great.”

---

So I still have more ideas for this, but my muse is flagging so I’m stopping here before it becomes crappy. May add more later

#Klaroline #KCAUWeek2019 #Klaroline Fanfiction #Klaroline Drabbles #Klaroline Edits #Klaroline Photosets #Klaroline Aesthetics #My Writing #My Edits

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mmoxie · 5 years ago

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im just really falling in love with my d&d campaign as it’s shaping up and i wanna talk about it

first: i invented a race called the Arcillans for this campaign- they’re long gone in the formal sense, leaving behind only a few “claymen” who have lost touch with the original Arcillan culture- these people have clay pots with animated faces on them for heads, and their bodies are hard clay on the outside, soft clay on the inside

with that in mind: i built this campaign around the idea that the players would climb up a mountain and meet a dragon and his horde

very, very classical stuff, based on hoard of the dragon queen, greenrest is a physical location in the world, but the similarities fall off fast

what’s coming next is for the benefit of my players, who i’ll be sharing this post with, but also please enjoy a rundown of the story if you’re just reading casually

this gets more detailed as we approach the end, because we’re approaching our first real climax in the story, and also because the session was literally last night and i remember all the cool shit my players did a lot better

here is a bulleted list of every major beat of the campaign so far:

exorcised a haunted house belonging to a ghost called Jean Jacques Francois Jackques-Jean, helped a mad scientist murder his colleague, murdered and resurrected a Grue using a cursed mace found in the attic

murdered a libertarian sorcerer named Cuke Caskins for trying to sell them magic wishes

nearly started a war with the dwarves in the name of liberating a big frog with a big ass (Bufotocks Bufotocken)

met and grew to loathe a prince (High Prince Groalde Apatosaurus Weedteen of the Grand Kingdom of Falconwreath) who was also questing up the mountain and raising all kinds of hell

met and grew to love an ancient djinn (Kludge Mansmoke) whose vessel was shattered and whose options were running thin

climbed to the dragon’s peak only to find the dragon (Bronze Broden) asleep

arranged a deal with its steward (Veil Guardian Atrix) to take some loot on loan

one piece of loot was a strange-looking baby dragon

descended to carry out the steward’s quest and got in trouble at a quarry

met a claymen pirate (Captain Potricia) with a lich (Terrigax the Nightbringer) in her fishtank

nearly freed that lich the moment they met it

descended into the quarry to meet the oldest living Arcillan (Quaestor)

turns out they share a consciousness with the steward on the peak

turns out the baby dragon is actually made of clay like they are!

the mountain abruptly collapses, causing the party to instantly die

they awaken in the afterlife to find a very handsome cowboy (Penn Ultimate) trying to help

he asks them some important questions and opens a door to the past

everything can change if they handle the idiot libertarian differently

turns out he has an insight into a phoenix conspiracy and our sorcerer, Tav’as, has a magical phoenix feather gifted to them from Kludge

he shows them how to make a phoenix compass and sends them away

one of the first people they met (Khoris Mosscloak) has slain a forest god and taken over

she likes the party, but they must pass her trial to continue following the compass

they pass, and are knocked into a shared dream upon passing

the owner of the phoenix feather in the compass seems to have a job, IN the dream, and offers further directions in exchange for getting her feather back

everyone finds some sort of insight or tool in the dream, and when it ends, they wake up in the subterranean chamber where they’d died

our paladin, Gumbo Tuggins, finds she no longer has the dragon like she expected to- somehow when the timeline reset it stayed with Quaestor

turns out the baby dragon serves as the command core for a hundred foot tall clay robot, called Quaestor’s Opus, which he helpfully uses to give everyone a ride to the surface

Opus sets the party outside the quarry and then Quaestor starts telling the claymen inside that it’s time to start making weapons!

unnerved but unable to address a giant robot, the party decides to seek the help of someone who’s been on the map from the very beginning- the Psychology Giant

the Psychology Giant turns out to be a living fortress from the ancient Arcillan era, who has seen it all and is very good about advice

in the middle of trying to talk with him, the Dwarves attack, seeking to satisfy an ancient grudge with the PG, who they think collapsed the mountain on their ancestors

breaking off one of the Wishing Horns he was granted from the libertarian’s goat in the first timeline, our druid Aloro casts a massive spell that causes the army to flee- all but their commanding officer (Qorporal Quaebo Qrang), who they turn on and shoot when he tries to order them to stay

Gumbo can’t allow Quaebo die despite everything, and rushes over to stabilize him- where it’s discovered that he has an astral skull biting his wrist, and that all dwarves are “half-astral” due to something terrible that happened in the past

they rush Quaebo to the hospital inside the mountain, getting their first taste of how the dwarves live- it’s pretty modern! there’s sports! there’s a restaurant full of oiled-up muscly dwarf men called Hunkers!

Quaebo- in a hospital bed recovering- focuses his attention on the party’s barbarian (Arkosa), who is haunted by a number of lingering spirits. the dwarves share that plight in a way- there’s a person on a lower level who’s known to help with separating the astral from the physical. go to him.

they descend and find Potzen Pans, an ancient Arcillan claiming to be the first Paladin, who is doing his duty diligently to separate necromantically-animated bones from astrally-entangled flesh, which essentially boils down to beating the piss out of dwarven undead with a big pike.

realizing he can’t just beat the ghosts out of the barbarian, Potzen leads the party down into The Sarcophagus, level 5 of the Dwarven city

it’s full of skeletons. they’re glowing with a radiance like the sun. it is revealed that years ago, a lich killed a great many people up and down the mountain to raise an army of “Sunlight Skeletons” and this was the great trauma that caused the boundary between astral and physical planes to run thin, and cause the dwarves to be “half-astral”

Potzen thinks that reuniting the physical remains (which have been made into sunlight skeletons) with the astral ghosts connected to Arkosa will give them peace and end Arkosa’s haunting

this process is interrupted by none other than Jean Jacques Francois Jackques-Jean, ol’ JJFJJ himself, checking on all the ruckus our party is making and revealing himself to be the supreme commander of the Sunlight Skeleton army

it is revealed that, rather gruesomely, he used to use the Bastard’s Bludgeon (an artifact Gumbo recovered from his mansion and later purified) to get the killing blow on people he was burning alive, so that their weak and sloppy flesh would wick away as ash and their sturdy skeleton could remain to serve in his army

he takes the purified Bludgeon back from Gumbo and casually curses it again

while he’s distracted with Gumbo, who has chosen to argue with him about the mace and get him monologuing, Arkosa is fixated on a single skeleton in the crowd

it’s injured in the same way as one of their ghosts, the one they call Scoops

following the moment of recognition, there’s an attempt for the astral and physical versions of Scoops to reconnect- but a JJFJJ-possessed Potzen smashes Scoops’s body with his pike and sends it flying into the crowd, which throws Astral Scoops into a screaming rage

very quickly, Arkosa starts learning things about these ghosts of theirs, and the ghosts seem to be learning things too- they’ve learned how to work as a team, and a rudimentary way of communicating with Arkosa

all of this proves very interesting and very distracting to JJFJJ, which allows Aloro- obsessed with JJFJJ’s identity as a lich- to focus on finding his phylactery

through some shenanigans involving a magic relic called the Cup of Context, Arkosa manages to “drink” a bit of JJFJJ, and for one minute of their life, understand literally everything about him

including the location of his phylactery, about 100 yards out, in the sea of skeletons

using this information, the party sets up a twofold distraction- Gumbo, Ash (our ranger), and Arkosa keep JJFJJ occupied, while Tav’as and Spyre, both Aaracokra, find different ways to fly into the crowd and cause the skeletons to freak out en masse and work themselves into an uproar

during this, Aloro wildshapes into a rat and rushes underfoot, using information passed to him from Arkosa by way of the spell Message

he approaches a strange building- the room is blindingly bright, but this little house with an open door seems completely black inside

it’s there he meets The Congruence, who is the true identity of all grues, the mind, heart, and soul that they all share

she is also, tragically, JJFJJ’s phylactery.

what follows is a Timed Under-Skeletons Escort Mission, as Aloro casts Darkness that The Congruence can latch onto, and the two slowly march through the army of skeletons, snuffing out the light of any they pass over

the confrontation with JJFJJ himself is getting intense, and as his curiosity grows about Arkosa, everything comes to a boil all at once

Arkosa’s spirits act as a chorus, unleashing a massive psychic scream from all ten of their mouths, causing an incredible 60 damage that utterly evaporates JJFJJ’s crisp, dapper-looking disguise

they’ve revealed a large, skull-faced lich full of shafts of sunlight, blinding to look upon and radiantly warm, draped in the traditional silks and sashes one would actually expect of a Fantasy Lich

they give him all they’ve got, but outside of inconveniencing him- and eventually breaking his hold on Potzen so that Potzen can smash 40 damage worth of pike into his ribcage- they simply aren’t doing damage that might kill him

but Aloro’s on the approach with the Congruence, and one last major attack- a grappling throw from Arkosa- sees JJFJJ thrown out over his army, where he hovers and- witnessing the chaos below- begins to panic as he realizes how much damage has been done to his skeletons and how much work he has to do

this buys the party time to escape the Sarcophagus together with Potzen and the Congruence, and plot their next move

somehow, some way, it’s time to go talk with Terrigax the Nightbringer.

this bulleted list wasn’t supposed to be over 60 bullets long but i guess we’ve done a lot in the name of dungeoning some dragons huh

anyway i’ve had a lot of fun and i love storytelling a lot and being a DM has been extremely rewarding

i look forward to my monday d&d sessions more than any other day of the week!

#long post #d&d #dungeons and dragons #this recap is many times more gigantic than i thought it'd be

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nerdygirlkerrie · 5 years ago

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10 Arguably Yandere characters I adore

Now I’m using the real-yandere scale of otome here -- not the batshit crazy yandere from anime tropes. These are also my hcs lol These are assuming they had a love interest. Will come with yan score 1 to 10, 1 being a little yan and 10 being suuuuper yan

Also, I gave up on order of how much I love them after the first one lmao

1. Kominato Ryousuke - Daiya no Ace - 9.8/10 shadiest yandere on the block - My number 1 of all number 1s. I literally love this boy so fucking much. He has the best chemistry with my OC, he’s devious as fuck and wields a smile like a weapon. He’s dominant with everyone, and in my opinion, is possessive AF. Not clingy in the traditional sense, but wants to be with his loved one a lot. Not that he easily admits to having feelings, since he hides his behind a vicious smile and threats of violence lol He is the DOM and expects his s/o to obey, but never crosses their boundaries and always gets permission. He’s a considerate yan.

2. Akashi Seijuro - Kuroko no Basket - 10/10 stereotypical sports yandere - Anyone who argues that he’s not a yan can gtfo. He’s possessive, bossy and more than a little shady. He needs control. You’ll notice that most of the characters on this list are either dominant or in actual positions of power. I love him, he’s just so screwed up and is the only character in the series that significantly changes. He’s still yan after his change, but he’s just a little less psychotic lol With an s/o, he’d be softer, but he definitely would be the dom, and would be possessive. Would die before admitting jealousy but hate when others get up in his s/o’s space. Very demanding partner.

3. Akasuna no Sasori - Naruto - 6.1/10 arguably fanon yandere - Okay, so this one probably could be argued against. This is my thoughts though -- he is controlling, possessive, probably a psychopath. Definitely a sociopath. He apparently has no emotions, but I don’t think that’s true. I think he demonstrates in the fight with Sakura that despite wanting to feel nothing he still does. I think with an s/o, he’d be indifferent on the outside, but in the inside he’d be tracking their every movement, jealous and overly possessive. He would hate letting them out of his sight and wouldn’t really trust anyone with them. Of course, this would all be internal, because this bastard would be indifferent AF on the outside and would hate his emotions and attachment.

4. Midori Nagamasa - Aoharu x Kikanjuu - 11/10 the yandere that was TOO yandere - This motherfucker is so shady. What he wants, he gets, and I would argue that he’s pretty much the same as Akashi. He canonically enjoys manipulating people, enjoying their suffering and playing mind games with them. He’s controlling, and possessive. I feel like his s/o would be the only person he’d let things go with, but even then he’d be demanding of them, and of course possessive. He’s twisted though, so he’d probably play with his s/o too, just not as bad.

5. Luck Voltia - Black Clover - 2/10 normally, 8.8/10 with s/o yandere - okay, so it’s pretty canon that’s he’s a little psychotic. He puts all of his everything into fighting. But imagine, if you will, that he falls in love with someone, someone strong, who will battle him periodically. Suddenly all of his attention is on this person. Luck is obsessive, and I think this would extend to his s/o. He’d be clingy, possessive and territorial, with only select people (the Black Bulls) being exempt. He’s terrified this person would leave him like his mom did. Surface, not yan, but it could come out easily.

6. Yukimura Seiichi - Prince of Tennis - 9/10 the pretty deception yandere - The captain of all captains. He’s shady AF, controlling, and arguably manipulative. With someone that he views as his he’d be more so. The type to smile while draping himself over s/o and letting waves of threat off. He takes no prisoners and isn’t afraid to destroy to get what he wants. With his s/o though, he’s gentle and soft, but 100% dominant. He wants s/o to submit to him.

7. Kiyose Haiji - kaze ga tsuyoku fuiteiru - 6.9/10 yandere with a side of supportive captain - Okay here me out... He’s shady, does shady things with a smile. He’s manipulative and seems like a push over, except super in charge. It takes a lot for him to get those kind of feelings for someone, but when he does, he sets his life up around them, just like he did with the track team. He’s affectionate, but in public, it’s usually a means of warning people away. His smile is deadly, like all the others on this list and he wields it remorselessly.

8. Hazuki Nagisa - Free - 8/10 clingy, manipulation specialist yandere - Okay, so Nagisa is a yan in the same order that Luck is, only with less psychosis. He seems energetic and happy, and he is, until something of his is threatened, and then he goes into dark mode. This is mostly my opinion, but I think he would be possessive and clingy with his s/o, wanting to know what they are doing at all times. I know people hc him as a bottom, but I just can’t see it. He’s tricksy and manipulative and has big BOSS energy. He’s the one that pushes the team, and the reason why they are together. He gets his way, almost always. he just goes about it differently than the rest on this list. One could say... more insidious lol

9. Shigaraki Tomura - My Hero Academia - 8.7/10 true villainous yandere - His yan blurs with his villain, and I know you could argue that he’s not yan at all. Except he is possessive and controlling and in charge. Not the smiley kind of yan, but still yan. He’s not traditionally manipulative, though he does pull strings. Totally calls his s/o his player two and is clingy and demanding with them. Probably overprotective because of his abandonment issues. It’s possible he never lets them out of his sight.

10. Akabane Karma - Assassination Classroom - 9.2/10 throw himself off a cliff to get his way yandere - This bastard... I’m sorry, but he embodies all the traits of a yandere -- seemingly uncaring, but is, smiling evil, controlling, manipulative... and he’s only in middle school lol I think it’s telling that he becomes a high power governmental bureaucrat. He’s dominant, not afraid to use violence, or to step on people. I think with an s/o he’d be a little more chill, and probably would pretend he isn’t overly concerned with them, but would secretly have their phone gps tracked to his phone, and would make his possession of them clear to everyone they meet.

#yanderes #kominato ryousuke #akashi seijuro #akasuna no sasori #midori nagamasa #luck volita #yukimura seiichi #kiyose haiji #hazuki nagisa #shigaraki tomura #akabane karma

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