#maybe i’ll put a request on the kinkmeme

[chasingfigments]

I think what I love best about PacRim AUs is that they’re basically soulmate AUs (with platonic and familial soulmates, too!) but with giant robots and apocalyptic stakes.

[wangxianficrecs]

I'm in the mood for a fic where...

I have almost 40 of these, so I broke them in half.  If your request isn’t here, just wait for the next post.  Also, I’ll need more help than usual, because I didn’t have a lot of time to find things.

***ANNOUNCEMENT***  Y’all might be interested in submitting your Mood For cravings to the @mdzs-kinkmeme​, where authors lurk with pens ready to slake your thirst.  It’s also a prompt collection on AO3: Mó Dào Zǔ Shī | The Untamed Kink Meme 2021 Q1.

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1. Do you know any fics where Wei Wuxian grows up in Quinhe with the Nie sect? I just got the thought in my head that Wei Wuxians moral compass is actually very similar to that of Nie Mingjue, who believes in fairness and justice and pursues both relentlessly, even though their personalities couldn't possibly be more opposite, with Wei Wuxian being quite arrogant and eager to prove himself, and Nie Mingjue being rather down to earth and humble. Also I kind of enjoy the idea of Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang as partners in crime and I think it would be awesome if they had grown up together.

My Non-Yunmeng Wei Wuxian post has a Nie section in it.

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2. gosh I love your blog so much.....you're really out here being the fandom mvp 💯💯💯 [Aw, thanks!]  so, my question is, can you recommend some fics where wwx is a teacher? preferably post-canon with baby lan juniors, but I'll also take modern au stuff; I've exhausted everything I could find with my limited searching capabilities and I am THIRSTY for this trope!! it's just what wwx is so perfectly suited for, I could go on for hours about teacher!wwx lmao (also I'm going to start my own teacher training in a couple of months' time, and as someone who projects on wwx far too much, it just really hits the spot yknow) [Good luck with the training!!!]

Here are works I’ve tagged with #teacher wei wuxian.

And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 139k, wangxian, first in series, my post)

Something Good by boxoftheskyking (T, 43k, wangxian)

put our dreams through the shredder by Rinnoa (T, 125k, wangxian, WIP)

And Yet Here You Are by cosmicmilktea (T, 10k, wangxian)

The envy of the world by vulnerable_bead (E, 49k, wangxian, my post) -  Teacher! WWX, *and* post-canon, *and* with Lan juniors

what do you mean this goes in that by yeasting_laozu (nanthebread) (T, 10k, wangxian, WIP, my post) - sex ed teachers wangxian

Discources on Salt and Iron by dragonofeternal (T, 13k, juniors & wei wuxian)

no fear of fire by chomrafy (G, 4k, wangxian) -  WWX teaches LJY the dizi; informed by the author’s own experience as a flutist

#teacher wei wuxian tag on AO3 has 61 works!

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3. Hello! Your blog has been one of the things that kept me sane in this pandemic and I am thankful to you for that! [Thank you!] I have a question if you know any fic where wwx has jyl's tenderness? Sort of like a fic where wwx swapped personalities with jyl, and he became like the supportive and gentle older brother. Thank you!

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4. Hey do you know any fics in which people comment on or notice mo xuanyu wwx and lwj's age difference?

Help, My Dad Is Fucking Someone My Age!! by sweetlolixo (T, 3k, wangxian)

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5. hello! can you recommend fics where wwx suffer poverty/his life is just generally miserable please, modern or canon era doesn't matter thank you!!!(↑ω↑)

May I Breathe by GammaRays (E, 75k, wangxian, WIP)

Where You Fell by Sweet_William (M, 191k, wangxian, 3zun, sangcheng, WIP)

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6. Do you know any fics where Wangxian break up and the whole story is just angst until they get back together? Maybe they can't even stand being with each other because of some misunderstanding, idk, I'm in the mood for a lot of angst.

Tempo Rubato by Spodumene (E, 108, wangxian, my post)

the necromancer's fairytale by iliacquer (E, 17k, wangxian)

Life as a House by Terri Botta (Isilwath) (T, 55k, wangxian)

estuaries by mrsronweasley (E, 34k, wangxian)

How's It Going To Be by heartsdesire456 (E, 19k, wangxian)

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7. Hi !! I'm so thankful for all your hard work ~ it's so entertaining and I found some of my favorites through your blog !!  [I’m so glad!]  I was wondering if you know any fics where JYL is strong- cultivation speaking ? Like- she also fights from the beginning and is generally badass ?  Thancc u in advance ✨

Here is my #BAMF jiang yanli tag, which is primarily any work by KouriArashi

❤️Love made visible by Moominmammashandbag (M, 30k, wangxian, jyl x wzl - a pairing that was supremely perfect, my post)

❤️Here Again (Spirits Rise, Unbroken) by TheDefenestrator (T, 74k, wangxian, WIP, my post)

Jiang Rising by eebee (M, 99k, wangxian, WIP)

Sail Away Sweet Sister by sami (M, 74k, wangxian, nieli)

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8. yooooo do some of you know any fics where there's a younger top!lwj? kinda liking the dynamics right now. thank youuu

Conquering the Emperor by catbrainedschemes (E, 21k, wangxian)

until i make you mine by mellowflicker (E, 6k, wangxian) 

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9. Hi! I've read few interesting LZ fucks fics from your recs [hee, hee, hee]; in which either LWJ hooks up to cope with his crush on WWX, then WWX finds out, is into it and realises his feelings; or they are strangers and start to hookup as some kind of arrangement. Now I'm looking for something different and more angsty, where they've known each other but WWX is not fine when he discovers that LWJ fucks. Maybe it hurts him since he's already aware of his feelings, or it somehow makes him feel less worthy of LWJ?

(our friendship) up against the ropes by daltoneering (E, 36k, wangxian)

Dolores (the power of suffering) by lanzhanofgusu (M, 19k, wangxian, WIP) - roles reversed

show me a quiver, give me tonight by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 116k, wangxian)

So I love you because I know no other way than this by Trueredhearts (E, 21k, wangxian)

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10. Hello! Do you or your followers could recommend fics where there are 2 Lan Wangjis and 1 Wei Wuxian, or the other way around 1 Lan Wangji and 2 Wei Wuxians???? Is there a tag about that in ao3? [Oooh, there should be, but I don’t know it.]  Im trying to look for fics like that but it is difficult to find!

How to Deal with the Conundrum of Your Past Self: A Case Study by anatheme (E, 17k, wangxian)

Incense Burner (Reprise) by sevenless (E, 6k, wangxian)

Beyond Your Mildest Dreams by giantomelette (E, 6k, wangxian)

Round One? by orphan_account (E, 3k, wangxian)

Everything I Hold Dear by sealdog (E, 9k, wangxian)

In all our multitudes by exmanhater (E, 6k, wangxian, 3rd of series) -  its got postcannon incense burner fem!wwx/lan zhan/transwoman!yiling matriarch

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11. Are there fics in which lwj loses his golden core?

Molten Gold by jesso (M, 17k, wangxian, wip, my post)

walk away from the sun by KouriArashi (M, 104k, xiyao, wangxian, WIP)

stay, fury, your wrist wrapped in silk by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 10k, wangxian, WIP)

Wish Me Luck by Starlight1395 (not rated, 164k, wangxian, sangcheng)

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12. Hey I was wondering if you knew of any fics where wwx is the youngest sibling?

For Both Of Us (And Time Is But A Paper Moon) by sami (E, 65k, wangxian, jiang cheng & wei wuxian) -  WWX and JC are the same age as in the canon, but JC is mentally older and asserts his sect seniority over WWX

the thing with feathers by RoseThorne (G, 39k, wangxian, WIP) -  technically same age but bc wwx lost his memories, jc is gege by their logic.

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13. An in the mood for ask: Stories that are the opposite of Yunmeng brothers reconciliation - where wwx doesn't reconcile with jc. I just rewatched ep 34, so I am not very jc-friendly right now. Are there any fics where wwx confronts jc for not helping wq+wn, or for how he treated wwx before and after timeskip? Where wwx honors jyl's sacrifice as her choice, and jc doesn't get to blame him for it? Where wwx says, I don't owe jc anything? ~ @kitsileya​

keeping score by hauntedotamatone (T, 7k, wangxian)

of past and present by Here_For_This (This_Rocks_My_Socks) (T, 7k, jin ling & wei wuxian, wangxian)

on the importance of restraint (or lack thereof) by nixtothou (G, 4k, lan sizhui & others, background wangxian)

on restitution by Anonymous (M, 67k, wangxian, WIP)

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14. Do you know any fanfics where a) everyone thinks lan zhan and wei ying hate each other but in reality they are together b) wei ying and lan zhan announce that they are together and no one believes them. Also thanks so much to you and your followers helping me find such amazing fanfics 🙏

14a.  

Let's See How Long Nobody Notices by narikanyan

14b.

Marital Claims by yeolinski (M, 6k, wangxian, my post)

happy not knowing by plonk (not rated, 16k, wangxian)

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15. Hello there. First of all, I cannot thank u enough for ur hard work, it has been life-saving for me. Ure heaven sent really. [Aw, thank you!]  And if u'd be willing, for ur next "in the mood for" session, I'd like to request some fics with the plot where WWX is being badass in his own way(any way really) and face-slapping the people who always underestimated/insult him and makin then eat their words or smth. Or WWX being his genius self and breaking people (negative) expectations of him. Thank u for ur time, have a good day!

Echo, Murmur, Dream, Here by bluerainmist (M, 51k, wangxian)

Cultivating immortality by KizuKatana (M, 123k, wangxian, WIP)

OP First Disciple tumblr fic by @shanastoryteller [note to self:  OP = over-powered] 

WWX as BSSR’s Disciple tumblr fic by @shanastoryteller​ .... NOW ON AO3!!!   Become Tomorrow by ShanaStoryteller (not rated, 8k, wangxian, WIP) ​

The Earth Rings In Your Ears by bluerainmist (M, 60k, wangxian, WIP)

Teen Project to Change the World by animeloverhomura (not rated, 358k, wangxian, xuanli, WIP)

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16. Hi :) I was wondering if you could share any fics where wwx and lwj get together early on/at the cloud recesses lectures. Thanks!

Magical Marriage Ribbons by starandrea (M, 482k, wangxian, series in progress, my bookmark)

Looking at You Always, All Ways by Keysmashed (T, 29k, wangxian, first in series, my post)

how a smiling homeless child melted jade hearts and got a home by anxiouswreck0_0 (T, 42k, wangxian)

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17. do you have anything inspired by chapter 119? [Ah, Bichen-as-dildo and spanking and older wwx from the future w/young lwj]  swordplay, knifeplay, anything featuring bichen/siubian :) thank you!

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18. Could you recommend me some fanfics where LZ hides WY in CL and one of the juniors or all find him

Cryptids are not Permitted in the Cloud Recesses by crossdressingdeath (E, 96k, wangxian, WIP)

where do we begin (the rubble or our sins) by KouriArashi (T, 42k, wangxian, my post) wwx is hidden, but no juniors except little a-yuan

❤️whipstitch by curiositykilled (M, 131k, wangxian, jin ling & wei wuxian, my bookmark)  JC hides WWX at lotus pier instead

Better, Greater, or Otherwise Different by ChloeBYoung (G, 23k, wangxian)

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19. hi! do you know if there is an au wangxian that is based on the movie your name? or some fic where they are dancers? please, thank you!

19a.

here are some bodyswap fics, but not necessarily derived from Your Name

6 works on AO3 listed as Kimi no Na wa./Your Name fusions

19b.

does your pretty face see what he's worth by defractum (nyargles) (t, 18k, wangxian)

space, skin, muscle, bone by tombenough_and_continent (T, 24k, wangxian)

Unstrictly Ballroom by Ariaste (T, 48k, wangxian)

notes on a scene by wishingswell (M, 28k, wangxian)

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20.  Hello! For your next 'in the mood for' post, I'd love some more modern AUs/ideally slow-burns where wangxian meet/bond over A-Yuan, a la The Simplest Way Forward or say it's here where our pieces fall in place ~ @ratheralark

@scifikimmi​ (scifigeek14 on AO3) says, “Tell number 20 im working on a fic for their topic rn. But it maybe be several more months til it drops as it is half scribbled in a notebook rn lol”

paint smears on sunny days by SnowshadowAO3 (E, 54k, wangxian)

so take my hand (take my whole life too) by cicer (E, 92k, wangxian, my post)

Here we go Again by Scrippio (T, 38k, wangxian, my post)

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21. Any fics were LWJ has dissociative identity disorder?

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22. Hiii, im looking for fics where a-yuan is lan zhan's, not wei ying's, biological son like in box your errors by mellowflicker 🥺🥺🥺 it was so cute, wwx helping lwj with baby a-yuan and falling in love in the process

here, this moment by everythingispoetry (G, 4k, wangxian)

LWJ is a single father via adoption might have similar soft energy:

Where's Your Emergency? by trippednfell (M, 65k, wangxian)

say it's here where our pieces fall in place by Lirelyn (E, 69, wangxian)

I know what my heart wants by yakuso5u (not rated, 28k, wangxian)

AO3 tag #single parent lan wangji has 53 works

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23. Any fics where LWJ was banished from the Lan sect?

All Exits Look The Same by Ahlai (T, 15k, wangxian)

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[My ko-fi.]

[ferix-writes]

Re: These really detailed, oddly specific prompts on the kink meme

Alright, so. I know this isn’t my place because I’m not a mod of the kinkmeme, but this is my blog so I’m going to say it anyway. I’m sure anyone in modern fandom is tired of hearing how “the old days” were, but: if you don’t like my opinion, don’t read it.

This isn’t just about the oddly specific prompts. This is also about the repetitive prompts. This is for all the prompts about Ardyn raping Noctis, about Gladio saving an Ignis in distress, about Prompto being abused. This is for all the “+++++++++++++” that everyone seems to like doing. I’m going to be frank, here:

I don’t think you guys know how a good kink meme functions.

And before I go on let me say what this post is NOT about. It’s NOT about shitting on the mods. They’re doing the best they can, because I know this kinkmeme really exploded after the first few months. I’ve never volunteered or run a kinkmeme, and I cant even imagine how hard it is, especially with all the little arguments that break out.

A good kinkmeme doesn’t function well because of the mods, a good kinkmeme functions well because of the community, aka the fandom. There are a few basic rules that most kinkmemes have, right? Lets go over them.

No duplicate prompts.

One prompt per comment.

Don’t kink-shame.

Don’t take over other anon’s requests.

Got it? Okay, cool.

In my experience, kinkmemes that are wonderful places of smut and self indulgence where we can request all of our deepest desires function well because the fandom self-polices itself. And I DON’T mean going on to someone’s prompt that you don’t like and telling them it’s a shit idea. What I DO mean is that YOU should go look through the pinboard or the previous parts of the kinkmeme and see if your idea has already been prompted. Then YOU, as a member of our wonderful community, should put on your big-girl or big-boy or big-person pants and say “Someone has already prompted this. I don’t need to prompt nearly the same idea, I’ll wait for someone to fill that original prompt.”

Now, if you say to yourself “But I want Prompto to be raped THREE times in my prompt, this original prompt only has it happening ONCE!” Okay. Well. I guess it’s a free world and all but I think maybe you should reexamine your priorities a little.

But heck, you know what? I’m not here to kinkshame you. You want Prompto to be gangraped by every damn character in the game? Go right ahead, go right ahead and prompt that and tell the authoranon all about how you want Ravus to fuck his face and Noct to whip him and Gladio to wreck his ass. Go ahead and see what happens.

Odds are, if you prompt something that is wildly specific and has all these specific scenes and little things that you just ~have to have~ because it’s ~your prompt and you’re so original~, it’s not going to be filled. And let me tell you why.

A kinkmeme needs 2 parts of the fandom to function, right? The people that prompt and the people that fill. Obviously people can do both, but I’m just going to refer to them as two groups for right now. I have no idea who you anons are that are requesting all these long, specific prompts that have similar ideas to many prompts before. I don’t know if you’ve ever filled anything or know what it’s like, but let me tell you my perspective.

Kinkmemes are the perfect place to get all your deepest desires turned magically into fanfic, but they’re also a wonderful place to foster your own creativity as a writer and learn to challenge yourself. Seeing a prompt like “Noctis/Prompto, getting hit with confusion” (short, to the point) makes my imagination run wild. Think of all the possibilities! Are Noct and Prom together when it starts, or will they get together during the fic? I could include so many situations, action scenes, conversation, and how will it end? Oh boy I love writing hurt/comfort, so this will be so much fun!

Seeing a prompt like that details every little bit of Noctis and Prompto’s relationship and exactly where they are in the timeline of the game and exactly where and by what monster they get hit with the status effect and how Gladio and Ignis come swooping in to their rescue and everything they do to make Noct and Prom get better and and and—

Do you see my point?

There’s no room for creativity there. There’s no room for having fun writing. Fillers don’t come fill your prompts and deepest desires out of the goodness of their hearts. They fill them because your prompt resonates with them in some way and inspires them. Filling a prompt like the one above would be, frankly, a huge chore. I’d have to keep checking back to see if I’m including every little detail that the prompter wanted and jeez, I can’t even imagine writing like that.

What a funny coincidence that all those super specific prompts on the kinkmeme never get filled? Who woulda thunk.

Giving a writer room to be creative is so important my friends. That’s what I mean when I say I don’t think you understand how kinkmemes work. I guess all those people with the very specific prompts are looking for a super long fic that just pushes all their buttons and sends them into fandom euphoria? I don’t know, I really don’t know what you’re expecting. Again, a filler isn’t going to fill something if they’re not having fun with it (or getting paid).

I know you all want these super long awesome fills, but understand that they are few and far between for a reason. In my opinion, anything over 10k words requires a big time commitment and a lot of planning. And all for a prompt that wasn’t even the writer’s own idea in the first place. It’s a big challenge and test of commitment.

But those super fills can still happen! It’s all luck, luck and knowing how to request a good prompt. Take it from me, who wrote a 50k word fill that was inspired by 2 sentence prompt. (different fandom, not FFXV) It can happen, friends. But you’ve got to give a filler room to be creative and have fun.

[secretsandsin]

Based on this prompt from the kinkmeme here. Wrote this ages ago but then forgot about it, so super late fill, sorry. OTL

The hunt wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Rogue behemoth blah blah terrorizing travelers blah blah blah. They’ve heard this all before.

The only thing that really stood out about this request was the astronomical reward attached. Apparently, this behemoth was particularly vicious and prone to attacking anything moving into its territory.

But by this point, they’ve been eating nothing but toast and cup noodles for days and even Gladio was starting to get sick of them.

Nobody protested when Noctis accepted the hunt.

Predictably, it wasn’t an easy hunt. Like, top five worst-hunts-ever material, right up there with the extra friendly marlboro and the flan that smelled like week old gym sock left to marinate in pit sweat.

Sure, they knew behemoths were generally violent and aggressive. This one just seemed extra violent, and also really really angry. Ignis theorized that perhaps it was near mating season. To which Gladio countered with, “I really don’t want to think about these things fucking.”

Which. Point taken.

No one really had time for idle conversation after that. One distraction could cost them, and as their supply of curatives was as desperately low as their food supply, it just wasn’t worth risking. Even Prompto (carefully) put his camera away, though he did pout about missing awesome shots of ‘a behemoth large enough to rival Gladio’ beforehand.

(Gladio threatened, “I’ll show you large!” to which Prompto squeaked, “Sexual harassment! I need to find an adult I can trust!” and Ignis gave them both a smack and an exasperated glare.)

It’s a good three or four hours later before they can sense the end of the fight, the great behemoth’s strength finally dwindling down before it collapses with a roar. Despite the blood pooling beneath it and the deep gashes on its body, it still struggled to get up and move, seemingly in a random direction since none of its attackers were there.   

(“Maybe we blinded it,” Prompto suggests. “Maybe it’s just dumb,” Gladio snorts.)

Noctis was the one who dealt the finishing blow, a clean slice to the underbelly, sliding through the blood with a grimace of disgust on his face the entire time. The behemoth’s dying bellow sounded almost sad and until the life left its eyes, it continued trying to get up, its muscles twitching even after death.

“I need a bath,” Noctis proclaims, trying to find something to wipe his bloodstained hands on. Unfortunately, every inch of him was just as bloodstained, so he walked up to Prompto and casually grabbed his shirt.

“Dude! Gross!” Prompto swats at him half-heartedly, too tired to really put up much of a protest. “Gah, you really do need a bath. You reek.”

“Yeah, well. Maybe we can switch roles and you can be up close and personal with the giant, bleeding monster and I can shoot at it from a distance.”

Prompto pretends to consider this. “Nah, I think I’m good. You can’t be a knight in shining armor without your trusty sword!”

Noctis snorts, slumping down against his best friend’s shoulder, ignoring his indignant squawking. “If anyone’s a knight, it’s Gladio.”

“He needs a shirt to be a knight.”

“What? Since when?”

“Since always, duh. It’s in the handbook.”

Completely ignoring the younger two’s antics, Ignis approached the behemoth corpse, already analyzing which parts they could make use of.

“Hm...it is a cut to the digestive system but, thankfully, a clean one. The bacteria shouldn’t have spread much.” He straightens from his inspection. “Gladio, a hand, if you please?”

“Guess I’m on butchering duty again?” He hefts his greatsword onto his shoulder with a sigh. “Maybe I should just wield a giant butcher knife from now on.”

“Nonsense. That would just look silly.”

They stayed for the additional thirty minutes it took for Ignis to be satisfied that he had stripped all useful parts off the carcass. By then, the sun was just starting to dip below the horizon and Gladio suggested they camp instead of driving all the way back to town, despite numerous protests.

(“Gladio. Did you miss the part where I am literally covered in blood? And so are you!” “Creek’s up that way. I’ll even let you go first, princess.” “Uck! What if there are leeches like last time?” “Then maybe they’ll clean off all that blood faster.”)

Ignis pacifies them with the promise of behemoth steak on rice for dinner and the four stomp onwards in search of a suitable camping location.

The good thing was, the rampaging behemoth scared most other things off its territory. The bad thing though, was that all the surrounding vegetation was decisively squashed looking and therefore, not all that great for hiding a campsite from magitek troopers flying overhead. And of course, there wasn’t a camp ground to be seen. 

(”Man, someone needs to reroll their luck stat.” “Can you stop being a nerd for like two seconds?”)  

Instead, they stumble upon a cave, disguised by low hanging tree branches and almost invisible but for the well-worn path leading up to its entrance.

Ignis reasonably points out that now was perhaps not the time to take on any potentially dangerous things living in that cave. Prompto chimes in that “dude, everyone knows hidden caves are where all the best items in RPGs are!” Noctis just wanted to find a place to pass out for the day.

And so Gladio ended up with little more than a flashlight and a ‘good luck’ as he went into unknown and potentially dangerous territory. So, business as usual.

Fortunately, the cave didn’t extend that far back, although it was a fair bit larger than it looked from the outside, with soaring ceilings that could house a building. He spent too much time looking at the ceiling, he didn’t realize there was something on the ground until he almost stepped on it.

Good thing that ‘something’ squeaked at him before he could crush it.

Looking down, he spots some sort of nest, a bunch of leaves and grass bunched up to make the stone floor a little softer. Looking closer, he sees three wriggling little bodies in that nest, one of which he’d almost stepped on.

He squats down to take a closer look, shining the light down to chase away the shadows. The three whatever-they-are’s are a weird purplish color that triggers a faint sort of recognition in the back of Gladio’s memory. They resemble newborn puppies mostly, their eyes barely open and squinting at the light in his hand. The squeaking is coming from them, high pitched sounds that he refuses to find cute until he’s 100% sure these things weren’t dangerous.

(Watching them attempt to reach his shoe in clumsy, wobbly movements lowers their odds of being dangerous to maybe 1%. Could still be poisonous.)

“Gladio? Did you find anything?”

He stares at the furry, squirming beans trying to climb his boot.

“...sort of?”

It is Ignis who identifies them as behemoth cubs, probably not even two weeks old. Not much is known about behemoth young, he says, because their mothers are often much more territorial until the cubs have opened their eyes and can start feeding on solid food.

It is Prompto that makes the connection, freezing in his quest to coax over a cub with his finger.

“So that behemoth we just killed…”

There is a short silence. Noctis suddenly becomes much more aware of how covered in blood he is.

“Oh, Gods.”

They stare down at the newly orphaned cubs crowding around Gladio’s foot. They look so tiny and helpless, it was hard to make the connection between them and the vicious monster they just hunted down.

One of them lets out a big yawn and is so shocked by this, it overbalanced, squeaking as it waves little paws in the air.

They could practically hear Prompto’s heart breaking.

“We...we have to do something, right? Since we...you know…” the blonde trails off awkwardly and waves his hands in a manner that probably is supposed to suggest the brutal murder of the cubs’ mother. “We can’t just leave them!” He turns pleading blue eyes at the others.

Ignis shifts on his feet and adjusts his glasses. “Prompto,” he begins, voice softer than normal, “I know it’s hard to envision right now, but these cubs will one day grow into monsters like their mother and then other people will have to hunt them down.”

‘So we should just kill them now’ goes unsaid.

Prompto’s lip trembles but he nods anyways. “I-I know, but…” He looks down again, where the cubs are clumsily pawing at each other in order to win the spot on top of Gladio’s boot.

“We don’t have to, um, kill them, right?” Noctis speaks up, “We can just leave them here and maybe they’ll wander off and not bother people anymore.”

Prompto nods with downcast eyes. “Y-Yeah. Maybe they’ll be hermit behemoths when they grow up!”

No one points out that leaving them at this age would effectively be killing them.

Satisfied that there was nothing else in the cave, they get ready to move on. Gladio gingerly moves the cubs aside before backing out of the cave, apologizing in his mind. Killing them now would’ve been a quicker, kinder death, he thinks.

It’s not until they’re a few feet away from the cave entrance when they realize that the squeaking isn’t getting any further away. Turning, they see all three cubs tumbling over each other and tripping over their own oversized paws to chase after them.

“Uh, Specs? Why are they following us?”

If Ignis is annoyed at suddenly being the designated behemoth expert, he doesn’t show it. “Perhaps they’re hungry?”

Gladio glares as the cubs run straight up to him. “Oi. We’re not food.” But they didn’t seem to be attempting to eat him, they just sat and cuddled with his boot some more.

What the hell.

“Oh, wait!” Prompto snaps his fingers. “Maybe it’s like that thing baby ducklings do! The, um…”

“Imprinting?”

“Yeah! Maybe they imprinted on Gladio because he looks like a behemoth!”

“Okay Blondie, come here and - “ As soon as he moved his feet, the squeaking came back, the cubs scrambling around until they found their anchor again.

It was cute in a I-need-to-punch-something-to-feel-manly-again kind of way.

“Hm. Perhaps the imprinting theory isn’t too far off the mark.”

“Oh, c’mon Iggy, not you too - “

“Gladdy’s a daddy!”

“Alright, you know what, you little punks - “

Maybe it was all the shouting or the anger in Gladio’s voice, but something set the cubs into a panic, alarmed squeals filling the air as they huddled behind Gladio’s leg until all that could be seen were tiny masses of shivering fur.

He takes a deep breath. “Look. We already said we can’t help them. And it’s not like they can follow us either.”

They stare each other down, nobody wanting to voice it out loud.

Ignis coughs delicately. “I have heard behemoth veal is especially tender.”

“Iggy!”

“Well, we were planning to eat their mother,” he says, pragmatically, “That’s hardly any worse.”

Noctis looks a little green in the face. “Ugh. Not sure I want to eat behemoth any time soon. Or ever.” Prompto nods his agreement.

“So who’s going to...you know…” Prompto makes another vague gesture at the cubs.

They all glanced at each other.

“Nose goes!”

And of course Gladio gets the short end of the stick (the nose? Whatever).

“Fine!” he growls. “My steak had better be the biggest piece out there, you get me?”

Prompto looks a little nauseous. “No arguments here, buddy.”

He summons his greatsword and looks down at the shivering mass at his feet. One of them lifts its head, staring at him with wide, yellow eyes. It opens its tiny mouth to give a happy chirp, its stumpy tail attempting to wag. It wiggles its way out of the cuddle pile to place two small paws on his boot.

His sword comes down.

The thud as it hit the dirt made three little bodies jump, but any fright they might have felt was quickly forgotten in favor of chewing at the hem of Gladio’s pants.

“I can’t do it.” Why did they have to be so darn cute?

Ignis gives a long-suffering sigh that still somehow managed to sound relieved. “Well. I’d imagine we’ll come across a wildlife center sooner or later.”

Prompto and Noctis high five.

With little choice, they turn back for the Regalia, conspicuously avoiding the area where they took down the earlier behemoth. Waiting for the cubs to scramble their way on their own is cute, but time-consuming, and with night fast approaching, Gladio is forced to pick them up and carry them in his jacket-turned-crib. Luckily, they are perfectly happy to be carried and Prompto expresses, once again, his urgent need for his camera.

Behemoth cubs are very snuggily, Gladio discovers.

They make Ignis throw out all the behemoth meat, much to his disappointment.

They learn many things in the first week they become unexpected parents/monster tamers.

Prompto learns that he can bribe the cubs away from Gladio with bacon. Their bacon budget rises considerably until Ignis puts his foot down. Prompto still manages to get some fantastically cute shots that he swears he’ll sell for a fortune one of these days.

Ignis learns that baby formula is horribly overpriced. But plain milk didn’t seem nutritious enough for infants, so he reluctantly set aside gil in their meager budget to accommodate that. If they had to have more days of toast and cup noodles, well. Perhaps they shouldn’t have made him throw out all that hard won meat.

Noctis learns that baby formula tastes disgusting. In his defense, it was early (“Dude. It was like 2 pm.” “And?”) and he was half-asleep. Worst way to wake up ever, and that wasn’t even counting Ignis’ exasperated sighs afterwards and the cubs’ big, wibbling eyes of betrayal.

Gladio learns to put a shirt on anytime the cubs get anywhere near his chest unless he wants them trying to suckle from him. Yeah sure, laugh it up, Blondie and Princess, but those teeth were sharp. He had to get medical treatment and even Ignis couldn’t keep a straight face.

And they all collectively learn that there really weren’t that many wildlife centers out there. Even less that wanted to try raising baby behemoths. And by ‘less’, they mean, exactly none.

“Well,” Ignis says, after the third wildlife center employee took one look at the cubs in Gladio’s arms and nearly fainted, “perhaps we should start looking into other alternatives.”

But he knew a losing battle when he saw one and between Prompto naming them (Meatloaf, Sirloin, and Brisket, which was more than a bit morbid), Noctis trying to teach them tricks (“No, he totally rolled over that time, didn’t you, Meatloaf?” “Noct. He just got pushed over.”), and Gladio turning into ‘Dadio’, complete with baby talk and bedtime stories, he figured it wasn’t worth the effort.

Besides. The little buggers were kind of cute.

It took three months before the cubs were too big to comfortably ride in the car with them. Instead, they found out that behemoths can go up to speeds of nearly 60 mph. They probably alarmed many drivers who had to follow behind the Regalia while it was being chased by three mid-sized dog creatures on the highway.  

Noctis is the one who decides the cubs (probably too big to be cubs now, really) needed collars. Or some sign that they weren’t wild beasts.

All the screaming people did every time they come to town might have something to do with that decision.

They commission some from Dino, figuring regular dog collars would be outgrown in a few months. The result was three rambunctious behemoths the size of small horses with hoola hoop-like collars flopping about their necks. Not only did they then have to spend a not insignificant chunk of time making sure the collars stayed where they were supposed to, no one even came close enough to the collars to recognize the royal crest engraved on the tag next to the name.

So the screaming continued.

Around five months, they start getting more monstrous looking, much to the Chocobros’ alarm. Black, wicked looking horns start to curve from their foreheads and their previously adorable habit of headbutting their humans when hungry was suddenly a lot less adorable and more hazardous to their health. Two of them grew a ruffle of orange fur around their necks, something Ignis guessed meant they were male. Sirloin and Brisket grew a lustrous mane of orange fur while Meatloaf got something that looked like tusks coming from the bottom of her mouth.  

(The Chocobros had a surprisingly intense conversation about whether the cubs had gender appropriate names. In the end, it was decided that Brisket was indeed a manly enough name but Sirloin would have to be abbreviated to ‘Sir’. Meatloaf, it was unanimously decided, was a unisex name.)

It was Gladio, naturally, that taught them to hunt on their own and to attack when directed. Hunts became that much easier now that they essentially had three hunting dogs (but five times more deadly) at their command.

In the end, despite the truly massive food budget, their ban from entering certain towns, and the near misses involving trampling and being gored, it could’ve turned out worse.

(“Yeah. We could’ve tried to turn them into veal, right Iggy?” “Mmmrph?” “Shh, shh, it’s okay, Meatloaf. We won’t let mean, ol’ Specs turn you into dinner.” “Oh, please. You seemed perfectly happy to eat their mother not too long ago.” “Okay, but in my defense, even Prompto was looking kind of tasty at that point, and he’s all skin and bone.” “HEY!”)

Ten years and a lifetime later, three hulking behemoths preceded the funeral procession of King Noctis Lucis Caelum, the Hero of Light and last of his line. They wear faded leather collars with a dull, metal tag, words long since faded away.

They are followed by three somber men carrying a simple wooden casket, looking like the weight of the world is on their shoulders.

In time, they know, they will become legend. The last king of Lucis bringing back the light with his three loyal companions and noble steeds.

But right now, in this moment, they are simply human and beast, mourning the loss of one of their own.