#maybe i’ll be recovered by december though

[hemmohoran]

let your spotify predict your 2024! shuffle your on repeat playlist, and the first twelve songs represent your 2024!

thank you @arishemmo for tagging me ily!! 🫶🏻

january: haze by 5 seconds of summer

february: shake it off (taylor’s version) by taylor swift

march: barbie world by nicki minaj, ice spice, and aqua

april: must be love by niall horan

may: caramel by 5sos

june: we didn’t start the fire by fall out boy

july: out of my system by louis tomlinson

august: you don’t go to parties by 5sos

september: out of the woods (taylor’s version) by taylor swift

october: another love by tom odell

november: saigon by luke hemmings

december: dance the night by dua lipa

i’m tagging (only if you want to of course): @uservalentine @nostalgiabones @ghost-of-you @suchalonelysunflower @wastelandcth @in-superbloom @hoodharlow @bandsanitizer

[leasstories]

Lea’s Calendar day 2:  A cozy holiday night with Eddie

@writerthreads writing prompt for Christmas (2022), prompt 17:

[“Come sit by the fireplace, it’s getting cold.”]

WC: ≈670

Eddie x gn!reader

No trigger warning

December, 23rd 1986

Eddie and you decided to spend Christmas just the two of you. You rented wooden cottage in Delaney Creek Park. It was two hours’ drive from Hawkins and as Eddie is still recovering from his wounds inflicted by the Demobats, you were the one driving Eddie’s van. You arrived around 6pm and you let Eddie sit in the huge rocking chair next to the fireplace. Meanwhile, you unload Eddie and your luggage from the van. Obviously, Eddie couldn’t travel without one of his guitars, but knowing you would be the one unloading he has been merciful and considerate and only took his acoustic guitar. After unloading everything from the van, you put on your coat and boots.

Eddie looks at you from his seat and asks you “What are you doing babe?”

“Just going outside to find wood for the fireplace” You softly answer while zipping your coat.

“I already miss you…” Eddie whines.

You chuckle. “I’ll be here really soon, you won’t even notice I was gone. I promise. You should rest, maybe take a nap love, you got out of the hospital only a month ago.”

“I rested enough in the hospital, and I’ve been without you long enough. Please babe, stay…” Eddie says, pouting. Since almost dying in the Upside Down, Eddie became extra-clingy with you, he wants to be with you all the time and when you have to leave to do grocery shopping or else, he always whines. You find it adorable and even though you’d like to stay with him 24/7, some things must be done.

“Eddie, I promise I’ll be quick.” You tell him before pecking his lips and leaving by the front door. You gather as much wood as you can and come back inside freezing. Eddie is sound asleep, so you try make the least noise possible. You put the wood you gathered on the ground and take off your boots and coat. Then, you silently walk to the fireplace. On your way there, you put a blanket on Eddie’s asleep body and kiss his forehead. You kneel by the fireplace, put some wood inside and light a match to start the fire. Once the fire started, you go to the kitchen and start cooking dinner. Tonight, Eddie and you are going to eat Eddie’s favorite dish: Mac N Cheese. You start cooking it when you hear Eddie calling your name. You go back to the living room before asking “Yes love?”

“Come sit by the fireplace, Sweetheart, it’s getting cold.” Eddie softly tells you.

“Let me finish cooking and I’ll be here in a sec my love” You answer right before kissing Eddie’s forehead.

10 minutes later, you come back with two bowls of Mac N Cheese. You give one to Eddie and sit on the ground, by the fireplace. You both eat while talking about Christmas but also about the New Year. Eddie tells you how grateful he is to have you in his life and he tells you how he can’t wait to officially move in with you in 1987.

After you finished eating you go to the kitchen to do the dishes. When you come back, you find Eddie, sat on the ground, his ‘Dragon slaying machine’ (as he likes to call his acoustic guitar) in hand and he pats the space next to him for you to sit. You obey and sit crisscross next to him. And that night, by the fireplace, Eddie plays the first love song he ever wrote. A love song specially written for you. It describes how grateful he is to have you by his side, it thanks you for taking such good care of him during his recovery, but most of all, it tells you how much Eddie loves you. You started tearing up at half of the song, and when Eddie was done, he wiped away your tears and kissed you passionately.

It might not be Christmas Eve, but Eddie just made you the best gift you’ve ever had.

[lilypadlys]

Domestic December Day 8 - Comfort During a Storm

Aurora and Phantom experience their first thunderstorm topside.

Prompt list by comp-lady. See prompt list here

Thunderstorms and cuddle piles below the cut or on AO3

A storm has been brewing all day. Aurora, being partly air, can sense the tension in the atmosphere. It’s like an itch just under her skin. Something is on the way. Now dark clouds and fierce winds foretell the storm’s arrival and it looks like it's going to be a big one.

So far in her brief time topside, Aurora has only experienced rain a couple times. The other ghoulettes took her outside with them the first time it rained after her summoning. At first she watched suspiciously from underneath an awning as the ghoulettes ran about in the sprinkle. It was just a light gentle rain, softly dampening the earth with a fine mist. Mist herself even joined the girls that day, briefly dropping her stoic demeanor and smiling openly as she let the rain wash over her skin.

Slowly but surely, they coaxed her out from under the cover. She had squealed a little when the first cool drops hit her face. Quickly though, she began to dance and twirl around, her air and water elements having a field day with all the energy in the air. After that she began to be the first to run outside whenever light drops began to smatter the windows.

Now though, she sits by a window and pouts. The other had held her back as she prepared to race outside. They said that a thunderstorm was on the horizon and that it was dangerous. When she asked why, they tried to explain lightning and thunder to her, but she didn’t really understand. Still, she heeded their warnings and resolved to just watch the rain from here. Until the first arc of lightning flashed across the sky.

She marveled, eyes huge, as the sudden flash sliced the sky in half. She could almost feel the electricity in the air. She pressed closer to the window, watching for another, when instead she was greeted by a cacophonous boom of thunder. The window rattled with it and the wind picked up even more.

Aurora recoiled in shock, her poor sensitive ears unprepared for the noise. She shrunk back from the window in apprehension, barely having time to recover when a second flash lit the sky. This time, when the foundation shaking thunder sounded, she decided she’d had enough and bravely ran to hide. She scurried down the hall and nearly ran into Phantom.

“Hey Ant. You okay?” He had a worried expression on his face and he kept looking behind him. Another crash of thunder gave her her answer as they both jumped and the quintessence ghoul yelped in fright.

“It’s scary.” He mumbled embarrassedly.

“Yeah. I’m scared too.” She admitted. “What should we do?”

“Maybe go find the others?”

“Okay do you know where-” Aurora is cut off by another boom of thunder, managing to be the loudest yet. “On second thought…”

“Yeah, let's stay here.”

The two of them huddle right there in the hall; wrapped into a tight ball of ghoul on the floor under a side table. That’s how Mountain finds them, curled up so snug it's unclear where one ends and the other starts, and flinching as one every time the thunder sounds.

“There you two are.” Mountain sighs in relief. “We’ve been looking for you everywhere. C’mon. We’ll head to my room and get you two settled. It’s going to be alright.”

Nervously, Aurora and Phantom disentangle themselves and follow the gentle giant to his room. He has the lights dimmed, lit by lamps and the fire. The blinds are closed and the window blocked with a thick quilt to block the light and muffle some of the sound. His bed is a nest of blankets and furs. Mountain flops on the bed first and allows the two smaller ghouls to curl on either side. He sends a quick text to the group chat before wrapping his arms around both of them and cooing softly.

Mountain: I found Bug and Rory. Got them in my room.

Cumulus: Oh thank Satan. I’m on the way.

Swiss: I’ll bring Bug’s headphones. Does Rory want ear plugs?

Cumulus: I’ll bring some just in case.

Cumulus and Swiss arrive quickly, Phantom’s noise canceling headphones and ear plugs in tow. Phantom makes grabby hands for his headphones and visibly relaxes once they cover his ears. Cumulus holds the ear plugs out to Aurora.

“Hey sweetheart. Want ear plugs? They’ll help with the noise.” She points to her own set in emphasis.

Aurora nods and accepts them. “Thank you.” She instantly feels a little better, the soft foam blocking the worst of the noise.

Cumulus and Swiss curl up on Aurora and Phantom’s other sides; Mountain’s bed fortunately being big enough to allow five ghouls to fit at once. They begin to soothe their respective ghouls and soon enough everyone is purring up a storm of their own. Even when the worst of the storm blows through, the thunder gone and leaving only the pelting rain, the ghouls stay there curled up. Only once Phantom and Aurora feel sure that the thunder poses no further threat do they both remove their hearing protection and relax fully.

“Sorry about all that.” Cumulus murmurs. “We meant to find you sooner but the storm came quicker than we thought.”

“Yeah,” Swiss nods. “We got caught halfway across the ministry and then couldn’t find you.”

“It'ssokay.” Phantom mumbles sleepily, snuggling closer into Mountain and Swiss.

“Yeah. I’m okay now.” Aurora agrees, only slightly more lucid.

“Looks like it’s nap time now.” Swiss grins. Mountain is already snoring, able to sleep through a hurricane if he wanted. The other four settle back down and join him in sleep.

[m1stym0on]

doing all the days at once, below the cut *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

1. 5’7 , cw 111 , lw 94 , hw 180

2. sometimes i wish i was shorter but i do kinda like my height a lot too

3. i’ll make a separate post w my fav th1nsp0 atm

4. i’m not sure i have any ‘greatest fears’ about weightloss, i do get kind of scared that i’ll have to be hospitalised one day though just because of what my family would think

5. i want to lose weight because i always feel like i have to, i feel better about myself when i’m losing. it’s not about looks.

6. i do binge A LOT, my binges used to be between 4-8k cals but i’ve managed to bring them down to always under 4k. i binge when i feel ‘out of control’ wether that’s through emotions or because i overate my c@ls slightly. i hate it smmmmm

7. my parents can tell when i’m not eating, but i live alone so all they can do is buy me food.

8. i don’t ever workout really, i never have any energy. BUT i do try to get in 5k steps and 100 sit ups everyday :)

9. i was pretty chunky growing up so i did used to get a few comments, none were meant as insults though. since being skinny i just get positive comments about my weight and body

10. the hardest thing to give up is takeaways and going out drinking, the c@ls are just way too uncountable for me and i could work around it but it makes me SO ANXIOUS

11. n/a

12. i really love oatmeal, and yoghurt w granola and berries. i typically eat breakfast or protein bars or chocolate as well

13. i’m on 3dblr what do you think

14. my ugw is either 95/100lbs or whenever i decide i’m sick enough to recover (never)

15. i’m not either but i do sometimes like vegan/vegetarian alternatives to dairy or meat and i would definitely consider going vegetarian or vegan for a short amount of time - like maybe a few months?

16. i first decided to lose weight in december 2020, i was around 180lbs and immediately started a 1200cal diet that never ended

17. i’m not sure if i have an ed, if i do it’s probably ednos because i kind of have symptoms of a few different diagnoses

18. biscuits and cookies always get me man nothing else makes me lose control like that. gimme a pack of marylands and it’s over.

19. i ate fast food a few weeks ago, i don’t cut out ‘bad foods’ i just incorporate them into my c@ls

20. i don’t have any fav diet but i do love @honeysugarfree and all their posts <3

21. i’m a uk 6 or xs in tops and a uk 8 / s in bottoms :)

22. my lowest weight was i think 94, not sure because i stopped caring about the sc@le. i only gained because my auntie saw me at christmas for the first time in a while and then contacted my family about my ‘worrying appearance’. my dad ended up taking me to the doctors and i was put on a m3al plan, so forced r3c0very

23. no it’s not about the media, l0sing weight for me is all about how it feels on my body and comparing myself to people in real life, or that’s how it started anyways

24. i know the original terms meant community and pro acceptance but since now they have such stigma i’m not sure how i feel about them

25. i do struggle with p.rg1ng a few times a week but i’m trying to stop. i don’t actually remember the first real time but i do remember my ex bf teaching me how to thr0w up when i felt sick from drinking ??

26. i just want to feel valid in my eating problems, so i guess that’s what i want out of my ugw this time. but i’m also of course excited to feel fragile, delicate emo girl fr

27. i usually just have to distract myself if i’m around food like with gum or remind myself about my goals over and over in my head, i do find it pretty hard to be honest

28. i do really really want that th1gh g4p but i am kinda nervy about my short shorts and mini skirt not looking slut / tight anymore when i go out (dumb maybe)

29. honestly my definition of beauty is femininity

30. 10 facts! i do fine art at uni, i’m 19, i live alone, i have 2 little kitty cats, my fav colour is bluey purple. my fav flowers are chrysanthemums, peonies, hydrangeas. fav foods are fish and chips, pasta, COOKIES and biscuits, ramen (all so h1gh c4l i could die). alr that’s enough facts i can’t think of anymore my brain’s fried to pieces

okayy i just wanted to answer all these at once because i was bored, ily if u read it all ♥

[la-principessa-nuova]

I’m definitely on a sort of downward spiral of distractibility and sleep schedule.

My official plan is to sleep 12am-8am and work 9am-5pm.

I was doing so well last year, typically falling asleep somewhere between 11 and 1, and waking up naturally somewhere between 7 and 8.

Then in early December, I had the moment where I understood my gender dysphoria and that I needed to transition, and that night I stayed up until 4 am reading about gender dysphoria and then until 5 am taking notes about it and buying stuff to try out presenting femme.

I never fully recovered from that night.

Eventually, around the time I started therapy, I mostly solved the issue (not because the therapy helped me with it, but more like being in a better place helped me get through finding a therapist finally). I was going to bed like 1-3 am, waking up 8:30-9 on weekdays, 8:30-11 on weekends.

Then I came out to my mom and sister, and there were a few nights after that where they unexpectedly came over with a barrage of questions and “concerns” and every time I’d planned on doing something else and so when they left I just continued on as if they hadn’t been there and stayed up late.

But then I got in the habit again of staying up until after 3am, with most nights not being in bed until 4am and so many nights that i’m up past 5am.

so then i sleep through my 8am alarm and usually wake up to my 9am one, check my email and teams on my phone, and if there’s nothing important, i go back to sleep.

So like right now it’s 12:15pm, and I haven’t gotten out bed to start working yet, aside from a few emails I read and archived in bed. Luckily the nature of my job doesn’t require me to do it on a schedule, aside from if i have meetings or someone asks me something, so I’ve been able to work around it mostly, except the part where I’m soooi tired all the time bc even with sleeping in, i’m only getting like 4-6 hours per night.

And I have an interview today for a job that would require me to get out of bed every morning and be on a call at 9 AM, and I kind of can’t imagine that even though I did it for years with no problem.

But I just keep getting so distracted. Like last night I went upstairs at like 11ish PM. I went up because I had an idea for a comic that I wanted to make, that I’d gotten distracted when I tried to make it earlier, and I sat down thinking I’ll do a quick doodle of it to get the idea out, maybe finish it, and be in bed by 1 AM. Then I got more distracted and ended up not staring drawing until almost 1 AM.

But it’s OK, I told myself, I’ll just doodle the concept really quickly and go to bed. Then I got hyper-focused on drawing, and suddenly it was, no joke, after 5 AM.

When I saw how late it was, I immediately went to bed. But by the time I fell asleep it was after 5:30.

But, like, the less I sleep the easier I get distracted and hyperfocus on the wrong things, and the more I do that, the less I sleep. It’s a vicious cycle.

I have some ideas to try to get myself back on track, but PDA makes it a real struggle to stick to plans that are ultimately about getting me to stop doing what I want and yield my time, since as soon as I go to sleep, my time is over and the next thing I have to do is work again.

[fang-and-feather]

Recovering my Star's Shine

Fandom: Star-Crossed Myth

Rating: Gen

Categories: F/M

Pairing: Zyglavis/OC

Words: 1231

Prompt(s): Starting with preparations way too early and "Okay, maybe I DO need help putting the star on top of the tree.", from the "’tis the season for love" content creation challenge hosted by @xxsycamore and @voltage-vixen

Summary: Zyglavis return to the mansion to find his girlfriend decorating the house for Christmas a little too early and he worries, both about her reason and her methods but does his best to help her through it.

(Fang and I planned to do at least three fics each for the challenge, one for each of our favorite otomes and the last one for a new one of our choice that we wanted to write for but hadn't the courage to yet. I don't know if we'll manage, though, but I'm glad I at least finished this one.)

Among all the things Zyglavis loved about his girlfriend, she was hardworking, efficient and many times thought ahead of things, but she could exaggerate these things.

That afternoon, in the beginning of July, when the god of Libra returned from the heavens, he found Rinka alone in the living room, atop a ladder, putting the finishing touches on the Christmas tree, the rest of the room already decorated.

“Zyglavis!” she called out when she saw him enter. “I wasn’t expecting you so early. When I arrived and found nobody home, I thought something had happened.”

Her smile was bright and genuine, but her eyes darted around, her posture was more lax than usual, especially for her precarious perch, and while she held to the ladder with one hand, as she stopped her task to talk to him, her other hand played with the little keychain dangling from her belt.

“There was an incident, but we already dealt with it. Is it not too early for Christmas?”

“Maybe,” Rinka returned her attention to the decorations and Zyglavis stepped closer when she bent dangerously to pick something from the box on the sofa, “but I received these earlier than expected, and they would be more of a clutter with the box in my apartment, and I already have a list of so many things to do in December, maybe a little of November too, and it’s not like these are getting in anyone’s way.”

She said it all in one breath and then let out a weary sigh.

They hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks and it was obvious something happened during that time.

“Do you want help?” It would be easier to get her attention if they finished it, rather than trying to convince her to stop.

“It’s okay. I’ll finish this in a minute.” Rinka reached for another decoration from the almost empty box when her body swayed and she had to hold tighter with both hands to the ladder.

“You better step down from there.” It was an order, not a warning. Rinka would try to play it off otherwise.

“Fine.” Rinka conceded with a sigh, but as she took the first step when her foot slipped and Zyglavis had to catch her.

“Are you hurt?” He asked, debating where to set her on the ground or on the sofa.

“I’m fine, thanks to you. You don’t have to worry.”

“Of course I have to worry, because you seem to love to make me, too.” Zyglavis sighed, setting her down, a little relieved to see his girlfriend could stand on her own, but he still hugged her from behind, maybe afraid she would try to climb again if he let go. “Your sisters told me you were busy with work, but it is clear you haven’t been sleeping properly. And, on top of it, you decide to decorate the house for Christmas, months early, on your own. What is happening?”

The others would say he worried too much about her but, with Rinka, sometimes he had to, because she didn’t worry about herself.

“I’m really fine.” Zyglavis gave her a little room when she tried to get away, but Rinka only turned to face him and give him a kiss. “Give me a couple more days and I’ll start recovering.”

“A couple more days is when you will finish your recent work project? Is there anything I can help with?”

Rinka lowered her head, then closed her eyes tight and her body almost collapsed against him again. She sighed, then looked up at him.

“Maybe I DO need help to put the star on top of the tree.”

She was smiling again, but Zyglavis knew she was trying to hide something.

“Right, but afterward you will rest for the rest of the day.”

“Zyglavis! You know I…”

“I’ll accept no complaints. I won’t ask what you are hiding for now, but you will do as I say. Do you understand?”

He didn’t like having to be this forceful with his girlfriend, but sometimes that was the only way to protect her.

“Fine. I understand.”

She looked down again, and Zyglavis caressed her cheek, making her look up again.

“I am only worried about your health. Work or not, you shouldn’t push yourself so hard. You have always been good at doing your work efficiently and taking care of yourself.”

“I know. It had nothing to do with work. I just had an awful week. The Christmas decorations cheer me up.” Rinka nuzzled his chest and Zyglavis hugged her tighter once again. A part of him wished they could stay like that, but not only it was obvious his girlfriend needed sleep, also someone could walk in at any moment. It was a surprise they hadn’t. “I’ll rest if you stay with me.”

His girlfriend’s voice was no more than a whisper, but there was a tremble in it. Such a sign of vulnerability was unlike her and only served to make him more worried.

“I will be by your side for as long as you need me.” Zyglavis kissed the top of her head and Rinka chuckled.

“So, about that star…”

There was an excited glint in her eyes when she looked at him again, that he smiled back.

“Here.” He picked it from the box and put it in her hand, Rinka’s expression switching for one of surprise and she turned to look back at the three. Then he held her tighter.

Almost immediately, she looked down and noticed what he had done.

Flying just high enough and holding her with a hand, he took the hand she was still holding the star on with the other and the two placed it on the three together.

“Thank you, Zyglavis. But that’s not how I was expecting you to help.”

“I know. But you are my beloved, and I would do anything to make sure you are happy and safe, so you can rely on me for anything.”

Back on the ground, he gently spun her around and kissed her.

“I would love nothing more than to keep you in my arms for the rest of the day but, right now you really need to rest.”

With an arm around her shoulders, Zyglavis started guiding Rinka to his room.

“But…” Zyglavis just stared at her and Rinka laughed instead. “Fine. But I’ll probably wake up in time for dinner, anyway. Can we continue after that?”

“If you are not having any more dizzy spells.”

Rinka nodded, but the movement made her flinch. He helped her the rest of the way and into the bed.

“Can I have at least a goodnight kiss?”

It was also a chaste kiss. Not enough for either of them, he knew, but it wasn’t time to tire her more.

“You can have more later if you at least stay quiet until dinner.”

“But you’ll stay by my side, right?”

There was a hint of fear in her eyes now, and Zyglavis held her hand.

“Always.”

And that was a promise. Zyglavis thought he understood a little better than what was haunting her. It was something in her mind rather than something concrete, something that his godly powers probably couldn’t do much about. But he would do the best possible and always be by her side, because he loved her more than anything.

[daydreamgoddess14]

My bad habits lead to you pt. 5

MASTERLIST

Sequel to We lie awake in love and fear

From a prompt by @lilacmermaid25:

5 times Ted returns from Kansas for a wedding, one time he returns 'just because'.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Here we go... nearly at the end now. Sorry in advance for the cliffhanger! 😘

Chapter 5

Colin and Michael - New Year's Day 2025

From: rebecca.welton@richmondafc.com

To: henlasso@gmail.com

Date: 31st November 2024

Subject: Stuff

Hello Henry,

Thanks for your email, I hope you've recovered from Thanksgiving? How's the TIE Fighter coming along? You'll have to send me a photo next time. I was thinking of getting a Millenium Falcon for Christmas but I'm not sure your mum would want it taking up her house! Maybe I can get one and you can keep it here. I'm sorry to hear about your dad and Marie, you were right - he didn't tell me. I hope he's OK, he told me what you said when you came over last time. He wants to be close to you, and I can't blame him - you're so much fun to hang out with! Next time you visit we'll have to plan some days out - as long as you don't mind me tagging along?

Speak to you soon!

With warm regards, Rebecca

(Hi Michelle, of course I don't mind, it's lovely to hear from both of you. I sometimes wonder what might have happened if Ted hadn't been so stubborn in keeping his UK and Kansas lives so separate. Take care, R)

From: henlasso@gmail.com

To: rebecca.welton@richmondafc.com

Date: 7th December 2024

Subject: Christmas 

Hey Becca (can I call you that? Dad does so…?),

I hope you're ready for Christmas? I can't wait to visit again, I hope I can get dad to agree to take me in the spring. It would be so cool to have a Millenium Falcon! But it is huge, mom said it could live at yours and we can build it together when I visit. I asked mom whether I could visit more but she said it's up to my dad. 

Thanks for the Roblox credits! There's a way cool new game on there I want to try!

Love H xoxo

Hey Rebecca, at this point I think Henry’s ready to hop on a plane alone to visit. He misses Richmond so much! I think I'll join him! It's a shame Ted can't understand that it's not just about where he is. I'm guessing you haven't spoken to him recently but he's probably less present a few blocks away than he was 4000 miles away. How can I persuade him that home isn't a place? After what I've heard about/from Marie, I get it now. It's you. Will keep trying, but you know how stubborn he is! Speak soon, Chelle xo

From: rebecca.welton@richmondafc.com

To: henlasso@gmail.com

Date: 18th December 2024

Subject: Christmas 

Hi both! 

Did you get the Christmas box OK? Just some things for both of you. The Falcon is safe in my office ready for when you visit! 

You're both welcome to visit whenever you want - without Ted if you wish! 

(Here’s the boring bit for mum! If only you knew the things I suggested to him. Schools for both of you - anything you wanted or needed. I know it was too much to ask of you though. Just as I'd never ask Ted to leave Henry, he'd never ask you to uproot your lives in Kansas. It's not about me, I know this is the sacrifice he believes he needs to make as a parent.)

We had a crazy Christmas party this week - Isaac dressed as Santa again and we somehow managed to get Jamie to dress up as an Elf! I've sent some of the tamer pictures for you, but it did get wild! Nate has got a new Karaoke machine and it gets a bit of a workout every Friday after training. I’m pretty sure it’s just so Roy can go and do some work in peace though and he knows they won’t bother him. I’m going to Leslie’s for Christmas dinner this year, but first I have to go and take some gifts to some families in the community. I’ll pop in and say hello to Mae for you, H - she asks after you all the time! She suggested one of the gifts in your box - I wonder if you can guess which one?!

Love, Becca (of course you can call me Becca, darling. I love it!) xxx

From: henlasso@gmail.com

To: rebecca.welton@richmondafc.com

Date: 24th December 2024

Subject: Christmas 

Hi Becca,

Merry Christmas!

Your gift box was way too generous - thank you! Henry loved all of it - especially the dart board! And I'm so grateful for the things you included for me, you really shouldn't have! 

Hen told his dad that we'd been mailing you, I think he was a little surprised! 

I don't think you overstepped by looking into schools etc. It just shows how much you care for Ted - for all of us, really. Things were obviously a bit strained at the time with Jake around. Turns out he wasn’t as great as I thought - always the way!  

Have a great Christmas & hopefully we'll get to see you soon. 

Love, Chelle & H xoxo

~~~~~~~~~

Rebecca beamed at her inbox, the month she’d spent exchanging emails with Henry and Michelle had been lovely - her responses had gotten less and less formal and she’d really been able to see Michelle in a new light. Though she hadn’t heard from Ted personally and therefore wasn’t supposed to know about his split with Marie, she was grateful that Henry had told her. It had brought her so much joy to send a huge gift basket over to them for Christmas. She’d laughed hysterically at the thought of Henry and Michelle trawling through the big box with gifts for both of them while Ted looked on utterly bemused. She’d sent a box to him too, a separate one with new LASSO Richmond shirts - she hadn’t taken him off the staff workwear order list so every few months a handful of new training polos arrived for him, she’d taken to sleeping in them. She’d also put a really great picture of the two of them from Keeley and Roy’s wedding where they’d been laughing together in the box along with the snacks she knew he’d come to love which he couldn’t get in the US. She’d had the guru in the IT department burn a CD for her - to their horror - of songs she’d noted that reminded her of Ted. She could picture him driving Henry to school and the Macarena coming on. She’d had a wonderful Christmas dinner with the Higgins’ and members of the team who didn’t have family locally. Since the year when everyone had descended on his house, the event had remained popular and once she’d done her gift deliveries she’d joined them. She’d taken photos of the huge table - the surfboard needed to be used again, selfies with half the team and Julie, and sent them to Ted. She’d video called Keeley, Roy and Jamie who’d had a quiet morning but were expecting Phoebe for a sleepover, she’d caught up with her mother, Sassy and Nora and exchanged messages with Trent. By 10pm she was back home and exhausted. She poured a large glass of wine and took it to her sitting room where she could put her feet up and Netflix on. Her phone buzzed on the arm of the sofa with a call from Ted.

“Hello stranger. Merry Christmas.”

“Hey Becca, Merry Christmas. Sorry it’s been a while.”

“I’ll forgive you. How’s your day going?” She checked her watch, late afternoon for Ted.

“So far so good. Been at Michelle’s with Hen and both of our moms.”

“Hmm… ouch?”

“Something like that. I keep running into Michelle in the kitchen trying to hide from them. Henry keeps dragging us back in so he doesn’t have to handle them alone.”

“Poor boy, you can’t do that to him!”

“Good job someone sent him a heap of lego to keep him busy?”

“If you think that’s a lot of lego, you should see my home office.”

“You didn’t have to, you know?”

“I wanted to. Henry means a lot to me, he deserves to be spoiled.” 

“And Michelle?  I didn’t realise my ex wife and my… you had gotten so close.”

“My you? We’ve made a connection, that’s all. And I remember you said she’d heard about my skincare routine so I thought I’d send some products. One of those luxuries she’d never purchase for herself.”

“At 200 dollars a bottle?”

“Ted, we’re in our forties, I have no intention of looking like my father when I get to 70 and ‘m sure neither does Michelle. We have to take care of ourselves.” He didn’t respond. “Ted, are you mad that your ex wife and son and I are emailing each other?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know. Why does it feel like you’re all conspiring against me?”

“We would never do that. I don’t know what kind of woman you think I am, Ted, but I distinctly recall telling you that I would never influence your choices when it came to Henry. And Henry and Michelle are looking out for you.”

“Some would call it meddling.”

“Some would call it loving you. If you’re going to be a prick, I’m hanging up. It’s Christmas day and You’ve Got Mail is on.”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. Of course Henry isn’t meddling, he’s a kid.”

“He knows more than you give him credit for. He knows his own mind, and he knows when the people he loves aren’t happy.” Silence again. “Are you coming over next week? For the wedding?”

“Of course, I’ve got a streak to maintain.” Rebecca choked on her wine. “In that, I haven’t missed a Richmond wedding yet?”

“Right, that streak. Well Colin is very excitable. Everyone is looking forward to seeing you.”

“I’m surprised they’re not sick of me. Is it me or has there been a lot of weddings since I left?”

“No, there has. Keeley and I were talking about it. They all seem to be happening in very quick succession. I’m ready for a break from them now. But you know us, any excuse for a good party.”

“True.” He mused. "How've you been?"

"Good, I've not long gotten back from Leslie’s. Half the team were there, it was a lovely day. Thierry is awful at charades and Richard brought his new Victoria's Secret model girlfriend."

"Sounds fun, what's she like?"

"Oh she's lovely, she's doing a PHD in mechanical engineering. The modelling is just a side hustle."

"Sounds like the premise for a romcom."

"It does, doesn't it? Suffice to say all of the boys were very enamoured with her. Though I think she's far too smart for them."

"Someone I know is remarkably similar, actually."

"Keeley? That's what I said."

"You, sweetheart."

"Don't be silly."

"Underestimated by anyone and everyone."

"Except you."

"Oh I'm definitely stupid enough to have underestimated you in the past. I try to avoid it now." She heard hushed voices in the background of the call, "hang on a sec." She waited for a minute and her phone beeped with a request to switch to video. She accepted and the screen filled with Ted and Henry. 

"Henry!"

"Becca! Merry Christmas!"

"You too! Having fun?"

"Both grandma's are asleep on the sofa. I came to get dad to do some lego."

"You guys had better run then! Can't miss out on lego."

"Have you had a good day?"

"I have, thank you, all the better for seeing you though!"

"Mom says hi, she's starting the book you sent her."

"That's wonderful, darling. You've still got the rest of the day to have fun, it's nearly bedtime for me." Ted watched back and forth, first surprised by Henry calling her 'Becca', then by her calling him 'darling'. "I'll let you both go, thank you for calling me. It was so lovely to hear you both. Ted, I'll see you in a few days? And H, we'll work on a Spring visit? See you soon my love!" She said with a wink.

"Go choose a lego set, Hen, I'll just say goodbye to Becca." Henry disappeared from view, "A Spring visit?"

"We've got some great days out planned. You should join us." Rebecca said with a smirk.

"You're trouble."

"Only occasionally."

"I'll see you in a few days."

"You will. Goodnight, Ted. Merry Christmas."

"Goodnight, Bec. Merry Christmas."

~~~~~~~~

Ted was due to arrive the day before New Year's eve. Rebecca and Keeley had planned on attending the match late afternoon on New Year's eve and then a low key team celebration to see in 2025. Roy had given strict instructions for everyone to have a tame night, nothing wild or crazy, so that they could all be fresh and ready for Colin's wedding. 

"Come on, Jamie!" Rebecca roared alongside Ted as Jamie received the ball from Dani and found space through the center of the pitch. They were 2-0 down and the second half had just started. They needed three goals in the next 45 minutes to avoid struggling in the second half of the season. He hit the post and Rebecca growled in frustration, the ball bounced back towards Sam who managed to get it under control and take a shot of his own. Nelson Road went crazy as Sam's shot found the goal. Rebecca was on her feet, as were Keeley and Ted. The ball was barely back in play when Dani took a shot of his own to make it 2-2.

"I don't know whether I like watching from up here more, or down by the pitch. I didn't realise how excited you get." He said with a knowing grin. 

"Ted, this is nothing - I thought she was going to run down to the pitch during your last game!" Keeley laughed. The match frustratingly slowed down and Richmond were unable to score again, luckily neither did the other team so they settled with a tie. Beard did some complicated math over dinner at Ola's and tried to come up with the various combinations of final standings until Rebecca took his notebook away with a glare, 

"We are 5 months away from the end of the season. We're only halfway through." She sat back down next to Ted and stashed the book into her bag. Isaac's hand came down to knock on the table. 

"Get the karaoke out - Jamie's gotta sing Britney!" he ordered. 

"Why?!"

"You hit the post. Thems the rules bro."

"Nah man, we got the goal!"

"Sammy got the goal. You got the post. Sing for me, pretty boy." Jamie cursed and grumbled while Nate set the machine up. He soon warmed up to his audience and treated them all to a rendition of Toxic - complete with saucy dance moves. 

"It's no Macarena, but that boy can dance." Ted pointed out. 

"One day, I'm sure he'll teach you how to Macarena if it means that much to you." Rebecca soothed. 

"I'd rather learn it from you. Them hips definitely don't lie, honey." They’d hardly left each other's side since he arrived at Nelson Road just in time for the match, they'd also not said a word about Marie. Rebecca could feel the knowledge that he was single coursing through her veins, it both put her on edge and comforted her all at once. It seemed to put more tension between them. Should anything happen, neither of them would be in the wrong this time, but the arrival and departure of both Matthijs and Marie hadn't never really been the issue. They'd just been disguising the original blocker of Ted's move back to Kansas. The karaoke continued despite Roy trying to tame them all. When it became clear that Colin and Michael were also up for a party, no one else had any excuse to leave early. If the grooms wanted to sing karaoke the night before their wedding then the team wouldn't let them down. After much persuasion from Rebecca and Keeley - who'd both worked their way through the Spice Girls back catalogue - Ted was finally on stage. He'd refused to sing alone though so Keeley cued up a duet for him to share with Rebecca. 

Don't go breaking my heart

I couldn't if I tried

Honey if I get restless

Baby you're not that kind

Don't go breaking my heart

You take the weight off of me

Honey when you knock on my door

Ooh, I gave you my key

They bumped hips in time to the music, Rebecca’s arm over his shoulder and a shared microphone between them. Around the room, the team loved every second. 

Woo hoo

Nobody knows it

But when I was down

I was your clown

Woo hoo

Nobody knows it

Right from the start

I gave you my heart

Oh-oh

I give you my heart

Rebecca pointed at Ted, singing every word to him. He joined in, laughing and spinning her around. Jamie watched curiously,

"Ey, are they together or what?" He nudged Roy.

"Fuck if I know." 

"I mean, they look like they're together. They act like it. Do ya reckon they've fucked?"

"Course they have." Despite having asked the question, Jamie still nearly fell off his chair in shock. 

"Fuck offffffff! How'd you know?"

"Cos I fuckin' know."

"Keeley told ya dint she?"

"No, she wouldn't tell me anything. I guessed. And I had to go back to our room at Beard's wedding so I overheard them. Scarred me for life."

"Obviously dint scar ya that much, me an Keeley had a great night." He teased. "I can't believe it. I mean, I can, it's just weird to think about."

"Too weird to think about?"

"Too fuckin weird."

"What's weird?" Keeley asked, squeezing between them. 

"Ted and Rebecca fucking."

"That's not weird. That would literally be the hottest thing in the world. I'd combust."

"Hang on, hang on, you've got us… but you wanna watch that?" Jamie asked, affronted. Keeley nodded her head, 

"Duhhh! Anyway, it's nearly midnight so get ready for a snog boys!" Sam managed to wrestle the microphone from Beard and gave them a two minute heads up. He switched the speakers to the radio for the countdown and went back to drag Simi away from the bar where she was lining up row after row of shots. Ted returned to Rebecca after catching up with Nate for a while. 

"So, boss-"

"Not your boss, Ted."

"If you say so. Who ya kissing at midnight? Keeley Jones-Kent? Beardo the Weirdo?"

"You?"

"Me? You sure about that?"

"I'm not fully convinced, but I don't exactly have long left to find an alternative." Ted turned to face her. 

"You want an alternative? How 'bout Dani?"

"Hmm. Both girlfriends are here."

"Jan?"

"You?" She suggested again, an exasperated smile forming. 

"Back to me again, huh? Wow you're really limited on options." In the background, the team were counting down. 

"Oh, I think you might be the best option." She leaned in towards him, 

Six, five, -

"In fact, you're the only option."

Four, three, two, -

She hesitated briefly halfway to a kiss, but of course, he met her in the middle. 

One! Happy New Year!

The noise of their family around them faded into the background as Ted's hand cupped the back of her head and his fingers tangled into her hair. He pulled her closer, sliding along the bench to bridge the gap between them. 

"Happy New Year, Becca." He whispered, resting his forehead against hers. 

"Happy New Year." She went to lean back in to kiss him again, "Will you come back with me tonight?"

"Sure will, sweetheart, if that's what you want?"

~~~~~~~

The party quickly began to fade with the new year coming in. Colin and Michael left to try and get some rest before the next day. With Leslie, Julie, Trent and the other older members of the group heading out, Rebecca and Ted decided to join them. They all jumped into a selection of waiting Ubers, calling out goodnight, blowing kisses and looking forward to the wedding. No one said a word when Ted got into Rebecca’s cab. She leaned against him in the back seat, her hand on his thigh and his hand tracing patterns down her arm. At her house, he helped her out of her coat and followed her upstairs where he unzipped her dress. She sat on the edge of the bed while he removed her high heels, a hand stroking up her calf. She pulled the dress up and over her head, leaving her in the lingerie set she told him she brought with him in mind. He sat back on his heels with a smile.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she said shyly. "I missed you." She reached out for him. "I've had enough of quick, stolen moments."

"Tell me what you need, baby?"

"I need you to make love to me, Ted." He stood up to remove his clothes while she watched. He blushed, but she pulled him towards her by the waistband of his boxers and kissed a line from one hip to the other. She palmed the hard line in his boxers but he gripped her wrist before she could touch him any more. He pushed her gently back onto the bed, still holding her wrists, and raised them above her head. 

"Keep those hands right there for me, honey."  He muttered against her skin, then he kissed a hot path down her body, his mustache scratching against her stomach and hips. "I just realised the most terrible thing." He said, pulling her lace knickers down. He pulled her thighs apart and dragged her down to the edge of the bed. "I haven't gone down on you since the first time."

"That can't be true." She whined as he licked through her folds. He stopped to reply, making her moan with the loss of contact. 

"Sure is baby, it's been more than a year of quick, stolen moments, remember?" Before she could reply again, his mouth was on her clit and he was pumping two fingers inside her. He had her on the edge almost immediately, knowing exactly where and how she needed him. She came hard, her hands still above her head but frantically gripping the sheets. He didn't let up as she came, he continued to suck and tease her until her thighs clenched around him again. Unable to touch him with her hands, she ground her hips against his mouth, desperate for more contact, more of him. He took his time so he could really see her fall apart, he'd missed being able to drag it out for her - they’d had such little time together. When he released her clit with a pop, she moved her legs and reached to pull him up the bed. "Where d'ya want me, sweetheart?" He asked, hands coveting her body, biting a nipple through her bra. 

"Sit up." He did as she asked, back against the headboard. She straddled his lap and wasted no time in sinking down onto him. 

"Hmm, thought we were taking our time?" He asked, grunting into her collarbone as she settled. She stopped moving, 

"Maybe you were. Shall I go slow?" She teased, bringing his face up to her. She ground her hips so slowly, it was like she'd barely moved at all. They both groaned deeply. She fucked him slowly, languidly, rising and falling onto his cock at an agonising pace. The friction against her clit was exquisite each time she rolled her hips. The tension built until they were both mumbling each other's names and little else. Rebecca captured Ted’s mouth in a filthy kiss, sending them both over the edge as he gripped her hips tightly while he spilled inside her. He held her against him as they caught their breath.

"Fuck, Becca. I love you." They fell asleep together quickly, knowing that for the first time in over a year, they'd also wake up together. Their morning together reminded Rebecca of the morning after their first time - right before Ted had left. Before Matthijs, before Marie. She woke to him spooned around her, hands roaming her body. He pulled her leg back to hook over the back of his knee and open her up to him. His hand snaked across her waist, dipped to guide himself into her and then rolled around her clit until she reached behind her to pull him into a messy kiss. Then in the shower, he’d gotten to his knees while she was trying to wash her hair. In the kitchen, bent over her kitchen table, just as he’d dreamed about. And then finally, on the stairs before they left for the wedding.

~~~~~~~~

Rebecca watched Colin fiddle with his tie again. The young Welshman looked more nervous than she had ever seen. She couldn't hold herself still any longer. She passed Ted her bag and brushed past him. It was only a few steps to the front of the room where she took his hands away from his tie and held them gently. Ted watched her smile at the young man, she talked quietly to him as she released his hands, unknotted and retied the tie. She kissed his cheek, also turned to Isaac alongside him, and held his hand for a second before popping back to her seat.

"Soccer mom." Ted teased. 

"Fuck you."

"Please do. That was very sweet, is he OK?"

"Have you not had enough of me since midnight?" she asked, eyebrows raised. "He's nervous. He'll be fine. The very public declarations of love are the hardest part." Michael appeared in the doorway, appearing far calmer than Colin. 

"There's no such thing as enough of you." He whispered. Once again, Rebecca cried during the ceremony while Ted supplied tissues and held her hand. Once the ceremony was over, the attendees headed toward the bar. Colinand Michael had chosen a lovely boutique hotel in central London for their venue, both families had descended en masse along with seemingly all of Richmond. 

“Someone had a good night.” Keeley said to Rebecca while Ted was at the bar with Roy and Jamie.

“Are we talking about you guys? Because, I would probably pay to watch that.”

“Aww babe! I’d let you watch for free. I meant you though.”

“You’re too kind.”

“You’re glowing. The kind of glow that only comes from about 5 orgasms.”

“Pretty sure it was more like 7 or 8.” Rebecca muttered.

“Fuck me!”

“I’m a bit tired actually, can we reschedule?” 

“I’m not surprised you’re tired! How are you still standing?!” Keeley asked gleefully.

“No idea. Gin and the promise of more?”

“Yeah that’d probably keep me going too. So are you… together? Giving it a go?” Ted was on his way over with Roy and the drinks.

“No idea, haven’t talked yet. Mostly just fucked.” Rebecca managed to admit just before they were in earshot.

“Hi Ted!” Keeley greeted him with a knowing grin. “Get back to Mae’s ok last night?” She asked innocently.

“Hey Keels,” he kissed her cheek, “did you guys have a good night? I stayed at Rebecca’s last night, shared a cab y’know. New Year's Eve, crazy Uber prices and all that.”

“Hmm yeah. I mean, it’s not like you’re both filthy rich or anything. Who needs to spend an extra 30 quid on a taxi, that would just be reckless.” She raised an eyebrow. Rebecca cleared her throat.

“Excuse me, I’m just going to the ladies. Keeley?”

“Nope, I’m good right here thanks babe.” Rebecca hesitated,

“Sure?”

“Yep, off you pop.”

“What is it with you two and off you pop?” Ted questioned as Rebecca disappeared from view.

“I’m asking the questions here, pal.” Keeley spun to face him. “What’s going on?” Ted had a caught in the headlights look about him.

“I… don’t know?” Roy stood behind Keeley shaking his head.

“Wrong answer. You’re in for it now.”

“Wrong answer. You’ve got this whole perfect boyfriend vibe going on since you arrived yesterday, loving on her like you two haven’t been torturing each other for over a year. And she told me about last night. Or this morning. Whichever, whatever.”

“Keeley, I-”

“I want to make sure that you’re not going to hurt her. You have no idea how brightly she shines when you’re around - those little infrequent visits and the hot, sneaky sex and then you bugger off back to Kansas and it’s like she’s not sure of herself.”

“She always shines.”

“She does, yes. But when you’re here it’s… honestly it’s something else. And maybe you don’t see it, but when you’re not here there’s a piece missing.”

“Let me guess, the lemon in the gin? The salt in the tequila?”

“Yes! See - you do get it!”

“Beard said something similar. So did Becca, actually. But they were referring to…” he gestured around the room, the team. “All of this. Everyone.”

“It is everyone, don’t get me wrong. But we all have something, someone. I’ve got Roy and Jamie, Leslie’s got Julie, the team are the team. We all pulled each other along when you first left and we got by, but you just don’t see how much harder it is for her. Going home alone every night? She’s the only one with no one.” Ted looked down into his whiskey. “I, we,” she looked around the room, “care too much for her for her to be alone. We care too much for you too.”

“I’ll bear that in mind. Thanks Keeley.”

“I love you , Ted.”

“I love you too, hon. You’re the best.” He put an arm around her.

“Don’t fuckin’ tell her that, she’ll get a big head.” Roy groaned. “She’s already got enough people under her thumb.”

“Including you, baby!” Keeley replied with a wink and a finger gun.

“Oh god, are we telling Keeley how great she is again?” Rebecca rejoined them.

“I’m the best, apparently.” The younger woman beamed.

“Yes you are, darling. I certainly can’t live without you.” The party soon got into full swing, despite hangovers from the previous night. With Keeley’s comments echoing in his mind, Ted focused on Rebecca. Slow dancing with her, joining her with the team and staying by her side. No one questioned it, no one asked what they were to each other. He stayed at her house again that night. He made her a cup of brown water in the morning to take back up to her in bed, eager to get back to her.

“Goodness me! Ted, you nearly gave me a heart attack!”

“Mornin’ Deborah, nice to see you again.”

“Good morning. Nice to see you’re wearing clothes.”

“Yeah well, Rebecca warned me you have a habit of dropping by unannounced. I’ll go and get her.” They spent the day together, went out for dinner with the coaches, their partners, Leslie, Julie and Trent. Rebecca could almost believe that it was real, that this was their life together. She watched as he packed up the small suitcase he’d retrieved from Mae’s after apologising to her for not once sleeping in the bed he’d paid for. She sat cross-legged in the center of the bed wearing one of his coaching t-shirts. He’d found the drawer full and she’d had to come clean about why she had them. 

~~~~~~~~~

The following morning, he left her with a kiss at the front door to go to the airport. She managed to wait all of 20 minutes before she was hurriedly dressing and following him out of the door. Habit again saw her purchasing another first class ticket.

“Well this feels a lot like deja vu.” He said, stepping away from the ticket desk. “Another first class ticket? Where for this time?”

“I need to say something.” She replied nervously. “I didn’t say it last time, I was too scared. But I can’t let you leave again without saying it. We’ve both ruined potential new relationships because we can’t seem to let go of whatever this is. I need you to know that I love you, Ted. I love you more than anything in the world and I’d do anything if you’d stay. I want-” her voice broke over her tears as she voiced everything she hadn’t said previously. “I want you to come back to me. I want you to come back for me. If it means I spend half a year in Kansas with you, I’d do it. Whatever it takes, I need you to know that I’ll be all in, just say the word. But we can’t keep doing whatever this is. I love you too much to keep stringing this along. I love Henry too much to take you away from him. So we either find a way, or we don’t.” He stepped forwards to hold her as she cried in his arms again. 

Last call for passengers to Paris, France.

“Let me… let me think. Let me talk to Michelle and Henry. God, sweetheart I’d give anything to be selfish right now, but I can’t. I love you, Rebecca. I’ll love you forever, but I need to figure this out first.” She nodded through her tears, her fingers holding onto his until the last moment as he stepped through the gate to his waiting flight.

[bg-sparrow]

hello, 📁 for my boy 40s doc please >:3

Alright, you know half of these are going to be from Now I Am Become Death, but I’ll sprinkle in some others!

Doc tells his mother about his “new job in New Mexico” “doing science for the war effort” but that’s about all he tells her. It’s just a courtesy thing that he’s moving. He trusts her to pass on the news to his father and doesn’t bother doing so himself. Doc takes the occasional phone call from his mother in Los Alamos; she’s probably his one consistent contact “on the outside” (if you count a monitored phone call every five or six months).

Doc is in the know fairly early on that they are making an atom bomb (which is a big deal, as only a few dozen people knew this in the whole Manhattan Project). He’s even housed in his own apartment in a building that he shares with two other people in the know, his neighbor being Kenneth Bainbridge (director of Trinity test). He takes regular polygraphs and has his quarters/ belongings searched regularly to ensure he’s keeping things under wraps.

Doc hates the heat of New Mexico but appreciates the lack of humidity compared to Northern California. It takes him a long time to get used to the dust, though. He is so sick of all the dust.

There is a unit of young soldiers/ MPs that Emmett somehow finds himself entwined with. They are sort of at odds at first — Donnie, the leader of the pack, is very pro-bomb while Emmett is very naive, thinking the bomb will just be used as a demonstration. They don’t seek out each other’s company or intentionally hang out, but their paths cross often enough to acknowledge one another as someone they know. Over time, the soldiers “adopt” him as “poindexter”. They barrel into his apartment to listen to Truman announce the end of the war and cheer for him when he plays his saxophone at the talent show. They’re probably his favorite friends by the time they part ways from The Hill.

Recreation-wise? Doc is a morning paper guy. He’ll stay up all hours of the night working on equations and ratios, but count on him to be at his breakfast table with a newspaper on the regular because the soldier’s gossip only tells him so much. When he does make himself go home at a decent hour, he puts on the radio while he gets ready for bed, usually listening to news or a baseball game. Maybe once he went to the movie theater on a quadruple date with the soldiers, but he and his date knew immediately there were no sparks there/ only agreed to it because of so-and-so.

A few months after joining the project, Doc comes down with the hard-hitting influenza sweeping the country in December 1943. He stubbornly tries to work through it, partially in competition with other colleagues putting in time at the office who are also sick. He spends two whole days in bed at its worst.

Doc slowly realizes this bomb may not be used as a scare tactic, and it hits him full-force at the Trinity test that Japan needs to surrender or else. When they don’t, he has an anxiety attack because he knows what’s coming. As the footage of Hiroshima and Nagasaki makes its way back to them and his government tries to give him a medal for his part in winning the war, it all comes crashing down on him.

He’s put on administrative leave and tranquilizers while he sees a psychiatrist. He can’t do/ refuses most of the available therapies — insulin shock, electric shock, no energy for physical exercise — but he tries an instrument after his therapist tells him how well soldiers recover in convalescent homes when exposed to music. He’s terrible at the saxophone, but he learns enough to do a duet with a fellow beginner musician for a talent show as a therapy goal.

But what really helps get Doc back on track is discarding the Medal of Merit he was awarded for his service on the project. He doesn’t want praise for what his work was used for. He goes offsite and chucks it into the Rio Grande one night, and things quickly start looking up from there.

In January 1946, General Groves offers Doc a job in Washington to research his ideas on time travel, but Doc refuses. He doesn’t want his science under the government’s thumb anymore; he’s seen what they do with it. He politely declines and insists life in the private sector would be best for his mental well-being.

And that’s most of it, I think! Thanks so much for the ask! I’d love to see more file emojis in my ask box, so go for it!

[srarlight]

Another year another summary! This was... an odd one that's for sure ;v; A lot more IRL shenanigans happened that had my days a bit up and down, but as I tend to be, I'm keeping up the optimism! 

A break down of my year under the read more!

So for an art update- I was worried by the time I got to December, that I would find I hadn't actually done too much since my usually source of work like RG took a hit this year. However, between zines, commissions, and new topics that helped me through some days- I was able to have a fair amount to show off here! This year is also heavily marked by me getting an iPad which ended up being a godsend because I often found my self either working 46 hour work weeks or a lil in bed or away from my pc. So in reality most of the art I got done was done on the iPad.  So what I accomplished was: More paintings! Mostly for commissions, job prospects, and charity zines. I really like the ones I did finish and I think I am keeping up my art journey up well enough with practice. I also did a fair amount of concept art and character designs for both dnd related hobbies and a secret OG idea I'm collabing on with a friend for after RG is finished which will probably not be a few more years yet. Although if you notice that little blip above, that "fair amount" of the dnd concept art actually turned in a LOT thanks in part to a fixation I have that hasn't weaseled its way into my art much until now. I actually really like fish and ocean themes which mostly manifests in the stuff I own, but while I was dealing with surgeries and happenings, that was kind of like a huge comfort for me. It was mostly sketches and really rudimentary colors, but there ended up being so much of it. I actually am happy to see it because what it also lead to is inadvertently finally learning human anatomy because the fish folk concepts often had human counter parts or family. So FINALLY I'm bucking up and covering what is usually something I avoid like the plague, but now I can say I somewhat have a handle on. Unfortunately, because it's dnd related, I didn't really post much if any of it since it be spoilers for a hand full of people but the surprise is half the fun so maybe one day I'll post a massive collage of all of it. Outside of that I drew a few fancy weapons; made 23 pieces of music; handmade a pile of felt ornaments again; helped my roommate with a Halloween piece; did manage to get RG back in gear; and edited a good few things. Time for the bit of the more- personal stuff all vague like just to serve as a memory capsule for me. Starting off, in march I had my wisdom teeth removed. I know that's basically a common surgery, but in order to get it done I had to uproot my life for about a month to get that done. It wasn't all rough though because I stayed with my family for the entire duration. During that time while I was still a bit roughed up, I started that fish art, but also I got told about a job opportunity from someone I trust that they wanted me to try for. In order to do that I ended up making 3 very involved illustrations. Unfortunately with all that happenings with shows getting cancelled for animation this year, that ended up getting cancelled so that wasn't in the cards for meeee. Eventually I got home and had a few significant life things at least to me. That BF I had last year I ended up breaking up with, not because they did anything wrong, they were sososo very nice, but turns out I'm plenty touch adverse and was rather struggling to feel romantic feelings. I consider my self plenty ace and aromantic so I felt very- "was trying on a coat to see if it works" only to find out that maybe it could work one day, but for now I feel much happier being super platonically involved with the people I care about. That break up was rocky at the start but we recovered and are still great friends which was a relief cause I really do feel strongly about my friends. On a happier note I got to do several trips with friends this year! Saw the redwoods, went to local cons, & went on a road trip with my roommate and fair.  I'm on team- go have experience with your friends when you can now or at least do friend activities online so I actually, for me at least, was out and about or was in voice calls a lot with friends. I really liked it and I feel enriched for it ;v; There were a few more negative things. Some additional situations that changed my life some that were hard and some stuff with my family where I had to give away at a lot to try and help them keep afloat. Family struggled with health this year a lot so I do fret over that. Also had a SECOND oral surgery. My gum just straight up ripped on me and I needed to get a skin graft that saw me distracted for another half a month or so while I was a mashed food gremlin and a lil unhappy about the pain stuff  :T  cost a pretty penny like the first one did, but rather that then have roots exposed. And for additional expensive things, I spent a good few dollars fixing stuff with my car. Was unpleasant but like 4/5ths of that is done. End of the year is fairing alright though! Still got savings despite all of that, still in a good home with nice roommates, & with plans to visit more friends in the future where ever I can squeeze it out. Oh and this was the first year I tried text RPs with close friends with our ocs and yeah turns out I can enjoy that too, but probably only with friends hah. So yeeeep I think that's most of what happened. Basically could have been worse and could have been better, but I'm still super thankful for the nice things that did happen. No matter what things happen this next year, if I can keep up hanging with friends, making art I enjoy, and scraping time to see little chunks of the world- I'll be good!!

[televinita]

Am listening to Taylor Swift music again, and have been seized by the need to talk through some of her older albums -- favorite songs, personal history, whatever comes to mind. Maybe in yet another attempt to try and figure out my overall fave / ranking of them as a set? No real order is planned for this so I thought I’d start with this one, because I realized I actually hadn’t listened to it in quite some time.

(I don't really know what this mini-project is going to be but I’ve been noodling on it for a few nights and now seems as good a time as any to share.)

Background/Overview

When it was new -- and a 2010 Christmas present for me -- it was my favorite of the three, but now I'm not sure. The thing is that it has several songs I like better than the entirety of Fearless (except for #1 fave Change), but it also has a handful I find less interesting compared to that one’s “13 track listings, stars beside them all” success, and I can’t decide how to weight that. It does absolutely have the prettiest cover and booklet, though.

Songs

Ask me my favorite song on this album and I’ll say without hesitation Long Live. I don’t think that will ever change; it’s in my all-time-faves across her whole discography. The twin/companion piece to Change, it never fails to make my heart sing. It came out after I was an adult but it still makes me nostalgic and occasionally teary as hell for high school. Bonus association: this was my mental soundtrack for the end of Glee season 3 too (”for a moment, a band of thieves in ripped-up jeans got to rule the world").

Runner-up faves are Haunted, which really lives up to its name (Wuthering Heights-haunted style, maybe... between the electric guitar tearing open the scene and the chimes, the instrumentation is epic; this may be the only song that actually loses emotional impact as an acoustic/piano version), Better Than Revenge (which is my not-even-that-guilty pleasure and I will JAM OUT to it to this day; "no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity" is SAVAGE and I love it), and The Story of Us ("looks like a lot like a tragedy now" is one of my favorite quotes to bust out in episode reviews about ‘ship destruction, or was when I still did those), which is similarly jam-out-worthy. Ooh, and Sparks Fly is one of those songs where I'm like, "WHY wasn't this a single, it's so good." I’m actually always kind of surprised that one isn’t the album opener; “my mind forgets to remind me you’re a bad idea” is my anthem for giving shows/ships/characters/episodes way more chances than they deserve. (Grey’s Anatomy. We’re mostly talking about every time I dip back into the Grey’s Anatomy waters). In slow-songs-I-like territory: Enchanted, which is frankly too pretty for the person it’s actually about (but helpfully easy to apply to anyone and relevant to every listener’s life). And Back to December, which suffers rather unjustly from my knowing that it’s about The Boring Taylor, because I used to automatically skip it about half the time, yet every time I actually listen to it I'm shocked to realize it’s way prettier than I remember. Both musically (when male vocals...enhance?? a taylor song??) and lyrically.

As far as the other singles, I kind of killed Mine for myself with overplay, but I do think it's one of the strongest singles she's ever released...and as I’m listening to it now, I think it might be back! What good music, what a sweet scenario, and how much do I love the “brace myself for the goodbye / ‘cause that’s all I’ve ever known...” part.

Mean is fun and deservedly sassy, although it too is recovering from overplay (with the added demerit of being covered in the worst, least appealing possible way on Glee and feeling tainted forever. Once upon a time this was in my top 5 for the CD). Speak Now is fun too, but also...damn, so much more juvenile and mean-spirited to me now than Better Than Revenge. You don't help a dude ditch his bride at their wedding! If he shouldn't be marrying her you talk to him BEFORE THE CEREMONY???? I have definitely lost enchantment with this one over time.

One I don’t know how to feel about: I have to be in the right mood for the song so I don’t always let it play through, but as a late bloomer homebody and perpetual looker-backer, the second half of Never Grow Up really kicked me in the heart when I first heard it. I thankfully never ended up having to experience this, but "here I am in my / new apartment in the big city / they just dropped me off / it's so much colder than I thought it would be / so I tuck myself in, and turn the nightlight on" really described all my deepest fears about graduating from college and still brings a twinge at the mere thought.

On the downturn: unpopular opinion but while Dear John is full of great lyrics, it’s just so damned slow that I skip it almost every time. I’m really hoping it gets reinvigorated by a Taylor’s Version, because whenever I give it a chance, I just end up freshly disappointed by the wasted potential.

Innocent is slightly more compelling music-wise, but still rather slow and often skipped, not least because it just...feels weird. Uneven. There are some great lines and a good idea buried in here, but with its history and context it's so patronizing even when I’m on Taylor’s side that it ends up cringe.

Meanwhile, Last Kiss doesn't even exist to me. It covers the same criminal territory as Back to December but it's EVEN SLOWER. Bonus Tracks I didn't hear them until the end of 2012 and even then only as standalones on Spotify, separate from the album associations, I absolutely love all three, more than the last 5 or 6 above in fact. Ours is the companion piece / sequel to "Mine," If This Were A Movie is sweet, and Superman is so cute and catchy.

[sucre--rose]

today was a ~300 cal day and i’m so close to 100…

it terrifies me a bit, that it can be so easy for me to not eat right now… i am starting lower my average intake, i used to be strictly 1200 but now i can barely make it to 800 without feeling guilty. i told a couple of my friends, i don’t know why, perhaps it was that little voice that tells me to recover taking the reins for a second, maybe i feel guilty lying to them about this stuff/hiding information. so yea, i told them, not everything, just that i relapsed in december, that as of today im underweight. i’m still conflicted though. i like the way my body feels like this, and yet im not satisfied. i don’t know if i will be until i fall below 100. and yet, i also feel like im not sick enough to even say im anorexic, because some days i binge and some days i still eat 1200 cals, my mom keeps telling me i eat too much, but that’s only because the times i eat in front of her are the only times i’ll eat in a day. i’ve been considering bringing this all up to my therapist, but i’m conflicted. i really don’t feel sick enough to ask for help. i really don’t want to change.

[beauzos]

oh hey it’s New Year’s Eve, so i can finally write a reflection about this year.  been wanting to a bit but was saving it till the end.

this was a really good year for me.  it had its ups and downs-- the year started with me recovering from a December packed with covid, the flu, and bronchitis.  my mom was hospitalized with pneumonia and i had a lot of responsibilities because of that, juggling taking care of her and dad, though thankfully she made a full recovery.

i made new friends, which i’ve been really grateful for.  i cut off old friends that were too toxic to be around anymore-- had been too toxic for years at this point, and i was lowkey afraid of them because of how they treated our other friends, so i was proud of myself when i finally put an end to these ‘friendships’.  i have friends i get along with much better in a much healthier way, so i’m pleased with that.

i started a new hobby, which was doll collecting, and that’s been a lot of fun getting into something new.  i really enjoy collecting dolls, i just wish i had more room at this point lol.  i’ll look into bigger shelves soon, maybe.

i started reading more.  i fell off while working on my writing project, but i’m still proud of myself for reading books like i always want to.  i hope i can read more next year too, i have LOTS of books to read and enjoy!

the biggest thing fo the year was my writing.  it started with Death Comes for Good Sons, which was one of the more ambitious writing projects i’d done in a while.  it wound up at about 19,000 words, and i was proud of myself for having written a small multi-chapter project like that.  then of course we know the story of A Change of Heart, which i’ve talked about extensively (and will continue to!).

i can’t believed that thing ballooned to 200,000 words. i think i expected it to be about 50,000 words, but i really had no way to conceive how long it’d be at any given point till i hit the 150,000 word mark.  i’m still really proud of myself for that.  i’d never written so much on my own in my life, and i am so happy i went through on that project instead of doubting myself.  i had a blast writing it, and i hope to write lots more.

as for next year, the Trampled Sunflowers reboot is still underway, though we haven’t really worked on it.  not sure what other writing projects i have right now as i haven’t made any moves to develop my ideas, but who knows.  maybe i’ll have more with all my sudden I Lost My Fucking Job free time.

well, i guess that’s a bit of a damper on the end of my year.  i basically have lost my job.  i guess i could go and try to save it, but i honestly don’t want to because of the sheer disrespect of it all.  we’ll see, though.  but December was a good month.  my family was healthy and we had a nice, calm Christmas together.  we’re rarely all together as my sister lives in another state, so it was nice having everyone together.

all in all, it’s been a good year.  i’m looking forward to the next one.

[inkofamethyst]

December 26, 2022

Is it true that some employers don’t like 4.0 students because they come across as booksmart perfectionists that may not be able to adapt to new situations or is that just propaganda spread by people with 3.5-3.9 gpa students to make them feel better about themselves?

I am honestly so so excited for the beginner ballet class next semester??  Dancing was always my weakest aspect in musical theatre and now I get to learn some of the fundamentals and work toward my dream of being a full on triple threat (an undercover one though because I don’t really know when I’ll get the time to truly do theatre stuff again for a while).  I’ve always wanted to have more bodily control dance-wise because I’ve always felt awkward with choreography and stuff.

And speaking of the arts, you wanna know something I find really hot in visual media???  When characters pull at a necklace from the front to tear it off their neck????  It’s just... it’s such a violent act on this dainty object, but it’s always associated with urgency or some sort of overwhelming feeling, and idk it’s just good stuff.  And maybe part of it has to do with the neck as a symbol of vulnerability.  We should protect our necks, we should be gentle with our necks, etc.  I think there’s a lot going on there to analyze but any time I see it my monkey brain lights up.

Today I’m thankful for the four-hour Discord chat I had with some of my friends (puzzle, cello, dancer, and dnd but briefly) this afternoon :)  We played chess and I fully do not know how to actually win that game.  Like besides having a goal of eating all of the other player’s pieces, I do not know how to play out an endgame.  I just think it’s funny watching the light drain from my opponent’s eyes as I consume their pieces with reckless abandon.  They don’t know that I still will not win (I played an hour and a half game that ended in a stalemate (w dancer-friend) because I had no idea what I was supposed to do with my queen and king against their king at the end, not to mention the fact that I have fully stopped thinking for the past week just to recover from this semester and to mentally prepare for the next one.  There is nothing going on behind my eyes rn.  The lights are on but nobody’s home (unless you wanna talk anthropological ethics in which case the wheels will start turning again but only as long as necessary (we did, in fact, have a brief conversation about research ethics (I used to think sociocultural anth was kind of weird but I’ve learned a lot from the discipline as far as ethics goes))).).  I am so thankful for the friends I have, they’re literally so amazing.

[edit, 3 hours later or something] ALSO THANKFUL FOR THE CLICK-FOR-BELLS BUTTON ON TUMBLR DOT COM :D

[feralgremlinchild]

Tw death, medical, child custody

(also I can’t remember how to do a read more so heads up it’s a long post)

I’ve been gone a while, I kept meaning to return but everything in life just kept getting worse. Taking care of my mother became more of a challenge, and the past 6 months she was in hospitals and skilled nursing homes. We had some good times together, I took her to see the eras tour in theater because she absolutely loved Taylor swift.

My mother died a week and a half ago, thankfully she was aware of what was happening and she was ready for it. She had unfortunately already been legally dead and revived and intubated before she had a chance to sign a dnr. She hated being intubated, but I tried to help as best I could to make communication possible for her the seven days she was intubated. I made her a talking board.

I tried my best to treat her with dignity and make sure she had the little comforts the past few months. I drew signs for her hospital wall, I brought her her favorite stuffed animal, I clipped and filed her nails, I brought my (retired) service dog to see her because she adored him and he always made her feel better. Helped order her food. Found solutions to little problems like an elastic band for her watch instead of a buckle. Assistive devices and technology. It never felt like a chore, it wasn’t a decision I had to make, I just did things.

She had finally decided a couple months ago that she was not going to take more of her dilaudid than prescribed. And she was actually sticking to that. I had been waiting for that my entire life and I was so so proud of her. She was trying very hard. She wanted to see my niece again, she wanted to be around a while longer. Up until the beginning of March, the doctors told us they weren’t sure how much time she had left, but it could be months or even a year, it depended on her recovery. Her body’s ability to recover. In the end though it was just too tired, she’d been sick her entire life and she couldn’t recover from this last infection.

My niece’s dad allowed her to visit the hospital a couple days before my mother passed. I didn’t get to see the kid because I wasn’t at the hospital, I had already gone home. The kid had been given a phone for her birthday a few days earlier, and has been allowed to contact us so far. I haven’t seen her in person since December, but I’ll see her on Friday at the service. We’ve been texting though, mostly about games we both play and inside jokes.

I had to buy a black dress because my old one ripped. I have lost a lot of weight recently anyways, it probably wouldn’t have fit. It turns out stress and grieving can take the pounds off you even when an eating disorder couldn’t. It’s not exactly happy weight loss. I haven’t been celebrating it. But the weight did need to come off, so maybe at least my joints will be a little happier.

Now I have to find a job at some point in the next couple of months. The insurance money won’t last forever, and I had always planned on getting a job after my mother passed. She had been my full time job for years. I’m going to get a job, help my dad sell the house, and then move out of Texas. If all goes well I will be in New England this time next year. It’s a big move but I need to get as far away as possible, I’ve been dreaming of this for years and years and it’s finally time to start making steps towards it.

Also both of my big dogs have large tumors and I have no money for removal or treatment.

Also also my cousin’s wedding is in less than two weeks and it’s a 5 hour drive minimum and I did get a dress and it’s good but I do not feel like celebrating anything right now. The guy is nice tho, very kind and has what the church people call a heart of service. They’re cute together. And my cousin is great and I love her and I grew up with her almost like a sister, even going to the same schools. But I’m just not in a happy wedding mood. I’m going anyway of course.

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 20: Recovering

I’m feeling better today but this morning was still pretty rough. I tossed and turned a lot during the night and woke up with a headache. I could sense some improvement but I was also really, really tired, and like… it’s hard to describe, but sort of like easily overstimulated? I just really wanted to lie down and be still. So I did that for a long while, slept intermittently. I wasn’t up for taking a walk but I did go up and down the driveway a couple of time, stretch my legs, and get some fresh air.

After my shower, I started to feel noticeably better, and though I didn’t push myself or do anything too terribly involved, I didn’t feel that sense of fatigue again. I watched TV and read fanfiction, and was able to concentrate on the narratives and so on, which really put into stark relief how poorly I’d been feeling earlier, that I wasn’t able to do even those things.

I’m still not really sure what this was… to be honest, I lean more toward something psychosomatic than anything else. Maybe I was too ambitious on Monday—I usually give myself one complete vegetative day at the beginning of a vacation, but this time I thought I could get straight into stuff like writing, and maybe that was a mistake. Feels sort of sad to say it but it might be true. Tomorrow I would like to try writing again and I would like to take an actual walk. If I can do those two things, I’ll consider it a good day. (I am still a little bit irrationally nervous to write.)

I still don’t feel any real sort of festive or holiday spirit. I don’t know why. This has just felt like a very dull, flat Christmas season this year, and I’ve heard similar opinions from some other people as well. Just feels like everyone’s going through the motions more than anything else. I still don’t feel much in the mood to write holiday stuff—though I would like to post entries here that aren’t just about my boring day haha. But, it’s good to keep up the habit.

[keefwho]

December 15 - 2022

10:19 AM

The new episode of Mob Psycho got me thinking like every episode does. The whole show is built around Mob having suppressed his emotions and the effect that has on him as a person and his relationships. I think a lot of people can relate to this, me included. Maybe not to such a huge degree as represented in the show, but still. My entire personal journey has been based around opening up to my own feelings and accepting them as part of who I am rather than trying to eliminate them. This show basically reinforces this line of thinking and gives other context for it which has been helpful. 

Sometimes I catch myself slipping up and suppressing things again. I think I should avoid that at all costs since its like the foundation of all my growth. I’ve started underplaying my anxiety with the explanation of “I’m getting better.” That is true, but I think I’m expecting myself to have improved more than I actually should have by now. I have to remain realistic and compassionate about my progress. There is no deadline for when I should be “fixed.” No one is holding this to me. This is a personal journey that I’m allowed to take at my own pace. 

12:17 PM

My tummy had a bad little episode this morning but I did see this coming. I wasn’t SURE it would happen because sometimes it feels like it will but it won’t. But it did. I’m okay right now, I didn’t freak out or anything. It just sucks because it’s still physically miserable. I’ve abandoned commissions today because I’m 2 days ahead and I still have requests to do and I feel like garbage now so I figure I should take it easy. I can afford it. 

I want to get better about not checking my temperature so much. Usually if I just remember it exists, I figure I might as well check even if I feel okay. I want to stop doing that. However there are days like today where it was more warranted and helped to set my mind at ease. The biggest thing that worries me in general is not knowing because it’s easy to assume the worst. Im gonna try to reserve using my thermometer for when there’s an actual reason for it. 

Maybe I should try to be more active to help my tummy. I know my problem could be caused by many things I’ve looked into. I might try making sure I eat plenty of fiber, exercising more, and continue working on my stress. I feel like I need some daily physical activity but not necessarily a whole workout. Just something to get me moving. Maybe strenuous VR games to start. Like the boxing game I have or doing Just Dance in VRchat or something. 

1:07 PM

UGH my tummy isn’t quite done yet but I predicted this too. Usually there’s a second smaller incident. I just hope it stops here so I can recover and salvage the day. 

2:33 PM

I hate to do this but I gotta chill today. I’m not gonna try to be productive until 6pm, I’m gonna consider my day done right now. I hate that this has to happen while I have Christmas things to get done. 

5:52 PM

Holy SHIT I make a big mistake. When I went to take my parent’s dogs out and check their fire, I let my dog out too and forgot about her. I think it was only for about 30 minutes but that was still really bad. I’ve never forgotten her outside like that before. She could have run off or been attacked. The good thing is I don’t see myself doing this again. 

10:46 PM

Something is still going through my body but it hasn’t been painful at least. I just don’t have an appetite which is worrying because I don’t want to skip dinner but I can’t find anything I wanna eat. Maybe I can start with a little applesauce, it might kickstart my hunger. This should all go away tomorrow. This kind of thing generally doesn’t last more than a whole day. Although there was that time in June where it went on for a couple weeks and kickstarted the massive change in my life I’ve been going through ever since. A lot of that was probably in my head though. 

I know if I make myself snack until I get the appropriate amount of calories that I’ll be healthier for it. Its tricky because I try to listen to my body but my body says not to eat. But I will feel worse if I don’t and I know it. Sometimes my body is wrong.