#maybe i’ll be back. im not sure.
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unfollowed the jonathan sims tag, gonna go cry i miss being obsessed with tma
#landscaping your mind chapter one#HHHHHH#pain#when i look at jon im not… im just not as excited as i used to be#idk#maybe i’ll be back. im not sure.#i hope im back#i really do#im still gonna be drawing stuff for it. bc. ideas n stuff#but night vale may be taking over my mind#bc idk i like queer men (?) who have complicated relationships with their neglectful guardians#and fathers they barely knew#and memory issues#and who have a loving relationship with another man#and like cats#so uh. i think i just need a break#it’s okay. i still like tma. i still like tma.#and obviosuly im gonna be listening to tmagp#but i dont think im gonna go to the website and stare dreamily at it (something i actually used to do) anymore#and… if it goes to the backburner. if it’s something i think of occasionally. if it’s like rqg to me… i think im fine with that#< lie#half lie#i… im fine with it. god knows id much prefer to remain Abnormal. but… i can live with it#i like rqg. i write fics for rqg. i’ll still write fics and draw for tma. maybe i’ll listen to some episodes#and if that’s what im going to get then that’s what im going to get#yea
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.Rook.
#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#rook#rook thorne#dav#sketch#Farid Thorne#dragon age the veilguard#.ive been waiting for a dialogue to say he was conscripted but apparently that’s not happening.#.i just have to choose the -uh I’m a different man now :)- options in lieu.#.what do you mean I made another rich human man as my hero WHAT DO YOU MEAN.#.boat on the tummy boat on the tummy boat on the tummy!!!!!!!.#.ofc he’s a half elf- his mother is Jean-esmeral’s mother- which means maybe maybe I’ll redo the family tree someday.#.im sure I’ll get back to drawing him doing what he does best- and that is kissing Davrin.
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(Small, frivolous rant incoming, apologies)
One thing I wish the Destiny fandom did more of was dabble in the utter horror this universe holds, especially when it comes to portraying the vile atrocities committed by many of the cosmic level characters.
Destiny‘s T rating holds it back so much in my opinion (but it still manages to lay down excellent foundations for horror and more mature themes!!) and I really wish there was more fan works that explored the unimaginable tragedies that occur in lore!!
When you really dwell on the scale of many of the disasters that happen in lore, it really dawns on you just how sinister and monstrous many of the larger villains are. Antagonists like Eramis are much more grounded, certainly not saints though, but some of the antagonists we have encounter are truly odious in their behaviors, even if they are deluded into thinking what they are doing is correct (like the Osmium siblings ravaging whole star systems in pursuit of the sword).
For example, it’s no secret that I LOATHE the Witness like no other. This wicked entity has me fighting bile at the mere thought of it and I truly think the way it delivers cruelty with such a sense of compassion and righteousness to be the most stomach wrenching form of being baneful. I could not think of an entitlement more deplorable than the Witness‘ and it’s existence is a travesty that has caused irreparable harm that spans EONS.
Yet, in my experience, I never see much content that taps into the horrors experienced by those touched by the Witness and its pawns, such as the Noesis and humanity during the collapse. There are INCREDIBLE artistic and written works that tap into the psychological horrors of exos and the unethical hell Clovis was putting people through, but not as many on the more cosmic horrors from what I have seen!!
This may just be a me thing and the personal reasons why I want the Witness put under a hydraulic press speaking, but I often see plenty of depictions of the Witness being uncharacteristically soft and having deeper feelings towards its disciples, but works about its vengeful rage, simple mindedness, violation of the autonomy of others, and predatory grooming are quite barren.
I wish to see just how HEINOUS it is displayed in all its turpitude and how it leaves a festering rot on everything and everyone it touches. I love the Witness because it is so evil in it‘s actions and my heart SINGS any time I see people tap into the trauma it causes, especially for characters like Rhulk or Savathûn!!
There is so much room for exploring just how vast the Destiny universe is when you decenter perpetrators in stories and focus on the incomprehensible number of victims.
Destiny genuinely has a character running around with the title „The Final God of Pain“ haunting people and refusing to permanently die, but there is only so much a T rated game can do and I feel like Destiny enjoyers can go beyond what’s in game in such creative ways!! Just thinking of the fall of Torobatl has me going „Wow, I’m actually so sick to my stomach, I need to honor Caiatl and really capture the pain of such an event!“
The latest lore on the Qugu? My chest HURTS.
Some of the hive experimentations? The hive in general? Hell is not hot enough for what the Witness lead them into.
But you know what they say, be the change you want to see in the world! Create the content you want to enjoy and promote the content you do enjoy!! I wish to dabble into the darker areas of lore, and of course, promote Witness hatred any chance I get!! Hopefully I get more time to write about these things and really value the work the Destiny writers have put into portraying such strong feelings of loss time and time again!!
And also!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE read The Garden‘s Witness by Titanmaster_117 !!! ESPECIALLY THE FIRST CHAPTER, I COULD RANT ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF PROSE ALL DAY, IT GENUINELY MADE ME CRY!! PROMOTE THE CONTENT YOU ENJOY ALL DAY, EVERYDAY!!
But this is just something I’ve been thinking for some time now. This isn’t condemning anyone in the fandom or saying there is an issue, just a desire I would love to see (and hopefully fulfill if I ever get back into writing for Destiny!) If you guys have any recommendations for Destiny works that are horrific, focus on themes of loss and devastation, or hate on the Witness, feel free to mention them so other people can find them!!
Not enough Witness hate going around for my liking… this looks like a job for me.
#destiny 2#destiny#destiny the game#d2#the witness#destiny witness#destiny art#destiny fanart#destiny fanfiction#destiny eramis#eramis#nezarec destiny#nezarec#im just tagging whatever at this point#maybe it’s just me being from a group of people on the recieving end of a lot of the atrocities committed in destiny#witness haters where are you I NEED YOU#this is not to hate on anyone who makes any content in the destiny fandom btw!! I love you all so much#the destiny fandom can be so talented and creates AMAZING works#i wanna write and draw as good as some of the people in this fandom!! you guys are amazing!!!#if destiny was M and focused more on storytelling with some rpg elements I think I’d die happy#anyways make sure to blow up the witness with your mind whenever you can#i need that entity blown up into a million pieces NOW#destiny savathûn#savathûn#savathun#maybe one day I’ll write that fic from the perspective of someone who lost everything#someone who fought back against the Witness and was abused by it horribly
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hope everyone is having is having a great week so far! 🥹✨
#sorry i havent been on much! life’s just a lil busy!#im too shy to put it in a post but everything with my masters has been settled 🥺#i got accepted into the school i wanted and just got my student visa granted the other day 🥺#(idk if i ever mentioned that i plan to study abroad for my masters! specifically where mr. sel is 🥺)#so i am slated to leave early next year 🥹 and i’ll be staying w mr. sel 🥺🥺🥺🥺#ldr is truly over !!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺#that is all auosnzidnjd so life lately has just been absorbing that and fixing things for the move!#along w spending time w him while he’s here 🥹#i was honestly considering going on semi hiatus 😭 but i still read a lot of fics anyway so… HAHAHA#i might take a lil writing break tho not sure 🥺 maybe just put less pressure on myself to post?#i feel really bad that i havent given attention to the fics of mine that i keep talking abt 😭 like all the series i have#and i wanna get back into reading a looooot 🥺 esp longer stuff 🥺 so lets see!#anyway ! how are all of youuuu!!!#i am currently rewatching a mingyu fancam LOL
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#So rn my parents are overseas at this gathering with family friends#And one of them got married + had a kid 11 weeks ago#All of this in the span of less than a year btw#And he’s 15 years older than me but rlly fun etc the kind of guy that feels at most 6-7 years older yk#And it feels wildddd cuz he was the rlly like mischievous (?) Kind of guy in our friend group#and it felt a bit weird to know he was expecting a kid since I found out a few months back but today my mum told me her name and everything#And I’m feeling super weird again like I can’t imagine him as a serious responsible dad buckling down yk#But also he can be serious when he needs to be so that coupled with his sense of humour means he’s going to be a great dad in sure#But it’s making me rethink whether or not I want to have kid(s)#maybe it’s just vanity but I feel like pregnancy would rlly wreck my body both looks and health wise#Like that is 9 months of commitment idk if I can handle it 😭😭😭#but sometimes i daydream abt what it would be like to have kids with the guy im 90% sure I’ll be marrying in like 7 years#and it makes me feel soooooo. like I want to do all that with him#and I feel like he would be level headed enough to help me through wtv insecurity or anxiety I’m feeling now#Idk idk#personal
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I’m kinda sad cause the Sleep Token obsession is ending on my end but not in a ‘I don’t love them’ kinda way, they are still my favorite band ever, I just……. Am not as obsessed.
#very much so#and maybe that’s a good thing but it’s also breaking my heart#cause I love them but also I can’t listen rn cause I wore myself out#delete later#edit: did i post this and then FILL my queue with st pics??? yes. why?? I have no fucking clue tbh#again it’s not that I don’t love them… it’s that I’m worn out and my every waking moment isn’t about them anymore#but I love them??? it’s so complicated.#I’m sure if they announce new music soon I’ll be right back in the trenches but like…#I’m not taking a step back. cause there is none to take besides leave completely#but… yeah.#im still here. still love them. it just feels distant right now??
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goodxnight guys~~~
#completely forgot that there was another lxl interview back from when the [redacted] anime had just finished airing lmao#it’s from the same feature in which the [redacted] anime director outright said that thing about mona lol#(as in: the ‘mona’s a popular character with a fleshed out backstory but she’s just hiyori’s therapist friend in this loloops’ thing)#i was in such an upset disbelief about it at the time that i completely forgot about the lxl interview man… 2k22 sure was *a* year huh#maybe i’ll get to this interview on either wednesday or this weekend… i need to prepare my lxl tling mindset for the album interview lol#(im still unsure if the magazine will ship lmfao it’s been processing for a g e s [read: 3 days] since i bought it lmao)#(either way i think itll only come in earliest by this weekend bc im still waiting for my nghy impulse purchase standees too)#(and even if it does come i wanna tl the kawaikute gomen vol 1 bonus manga first [if it actually arrives])#(women’s wrongs are always top priority yk~~~~?)#(though. haha… i think i’ll have the entire hw manga collection when my next batch of purchases come in… s o b s my storage space—)#(the dolce manga exist as just ebooks in my collection thoughhhh. the dolce manga is p much the perfect mix of crack and tragedy tbh)#(like. there are scenes with girisha and his *girisha-ness* b u t there are also scenes with fuuma and his heartbreaking backstory)#(re-reading my (frankly) bad tl of ‘happy’ (shiina chapter) doesn’t make me happy at all.)#(i should really get round to reworking it these days… like the fonts and such are *atrocious*)#b u t i digress anyway lxl old interview tl (maybe) coming soon this week depending on exhaustion levels sorry for clogging the dash gn guys
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still trying to find a decent way to stylize all of them
but yes i watched severance. im in extreme pain and agony.
#canon’s art#severance#fanart#art#mark s#helly r#ms. casey#using their innie names#hehehe innie..#welll… maybe i’ll tag the outie names ig#but they’re like separate characters too so idk#mark scout#helena eagan#gemma scout#ummm…. i binged it all in a whole night and it was such a wild ride#spoilers but not rlly since im sure most people have seen it in full but#it took me till the wedding photo to realize ms. casey was gemma.#and I watch back and get extremely embarrassed because THEY HAD ALL THE SIGNS and they even showed us that reveal when mark is putting the#image back together!! and i didnt even think twice about it! i just went aw she was really pretty..#but it made for a much more impactful season finale oh my lord the she’s alive and then the overrides being turned back off!!! AURGGHGHGHH#why did they do that to us.#ANYWAYS IM SO EXCITED FOR S2!!#helly mark besties fr…#they’re all gender and that’s all i can say#gemma and mark are so about you the 1975 coded im so insane i cannot they shattered my soul.
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really is kind of a bummer that my brain’s interest in working on the Evan fic I mentioned in the last one I posted was utterly kneecapped by the airing of an unexpected second season. I don’t Really begrudge them their choice to return to the setting, but it in this specific context it’s a little annoying because I have no desire to a.) learn new character traits or backstories for these characters right now Or b.) interface with other fans who want the new content integrated into the writing and will point out new inconsistencies with the new canon. So it’s looking like there’s a chance I just won’t return to the idea at all. At least not any time soon. SAD!
#N posts stuff#like maybe i shot myself in the foot getting too hung up on my own interpretations and headcanons#but i’m not particularly interested in seeing them unravel so i just. didn’t watch this new season at all.#This campaign wasn’t like the 7 to me where i Really Want them to go back to the characters#it was v much like ‘it’s enclosed and that’s that’ so. unexpected new season kind of a kick in the teeth.#arguably this is just a sign that i really need to just create a new OC to fill in the void#that Evan left in my writer’s landscape now that his whole scene as — as far as i can sort of tell#— has been more explicitly defined as Demonic than Angelic#which i find personally disappointing for stupid psychosis reasons. Sorry!!!#i’m just admittedly not sure where i’d. put them? i guess. because hm.#augustus and the changeling are Very intertwined to the point i kind of wrote out the original third they were grouped with#because she Did Not Fit as a third with them. so idk if introducing a Different third will be any better#(not third as in like. ‘my wife and i saw you from across the bar’ just in terms of literally ‘there’s 2 of them’ lmfao)#so to fill the Specific void id also need to come up with Additional characters to fill Her life with. and i. dont want to.#IDK i’ll figure it out or i won’t!! im just complaining bc im thinking about her (evan) today.#i was gonna title it from Hang ‘em High song THAT GIRLS NOT RIGHT IN THE BRAIN; it would have been great 😔
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on another note
#4-5ish months i’ve been the main (i’m pretty sure only) person cleaning every weekend#my only days off and through the week clean dishes or load up the washer and pick them up#occasionally someone else w load it but not pick up or vice verse#november i lost all motivation i ask for help i get told they’re tired or they work or later or im met w but i did xyz the other day blah bl#blah blah yk#i tried to clean in nov but i just can’t im tired it’s constant that im cleaning i want to do things not go from work to home for chores to#also cook and then clean up dinner because i also have a job#and when i do something im not like OH well i did xyz! so i won’t do that …no i just say okay because why bring up what i already did things#need to be done why are you arguing with me like we want to bring up receipts? i’ll bring them up#i’m cleaning up clothes that’s not mine i’m cleaning up shit piss ans throw up of a dog that is not mine i walk said dog occasionally#but nope not the other way around why would they do any of that when it’s not theirs ?#i ask them to pick one day to make dinner nope i can’t i’m busy i have xyz …okay i have work gym appts errands too#and since i have cleaned in like a month or over it’s a mess but no one has taken action to fix that it’s just it’s messy in here#that’s why i hate if you need help ask. .#I ASK I DONT GET HELP you ask i help but god forbid i ask#‘but you clean weird’ ‘you do a deep clean’ it’s a regular clean i clean to clean not to light dust and see it be back to how it was in a#day or two. deep clean is i’m up in a ladder cleaning the vents cleaning cabinets shelves i can’t regularly reach or are hard to get to and#honestly that should be a monthly thing#weekly is wipe down appliances. sweep swiffer vacuum and mop the floors. wipe countertops and flat surfaces. flip the chairs around tighten#bolts wash the tablecloth clean the table. vacuum the couches lint roll any cloth surfaces. clean or wipe down the stove/microwave depending#on how dirty. clean bathroom tub toilet sink floors mirror. this is not a deep clean w that you get the fridge and dishwasher windows move t#the furniture to clean under that. i am tired and i dont ever get to finish everything#bathroom stays last and weekends are only so long i also go to the gym or need to go to the store or have ot to do#and ik i brought up here that im depressed but im not bring that up to them because regardless these things need to get done be it a the#worlds slowest pace but does need to happen and i don’t want to use that as an excuse because i will just let myself lay in bed and not show#shower or move does this mentality eat away at me maybe idk but it’s what my parents gave me and it’s not changing i don’t think so here we#are.#we can wait another month and i might be on the up but ill be down again so 🤷♀️#like actually i can use a lot of things as an excuse but that doesn’t help anyone does it ?
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stalking peoples blogs is soooo entertaining
#reading two posts from two different ppls blogs that seem vaguely connected and scratching my chin#seeing a targeted post and knowing damn well its about a person i know#and then im pretty sure there was one about me but whatever#its funny how not vague this one person talks about the other person#‘hyperfixation lasted longer than the relationship’ well i think i know who youre talking about!!#if i could rant to someone about the lore this fuckass friend group has with each other i absolutely would#im fucking giggling at the discoveries im finding rn#i should give them vague names uhhhhhhhhhhh#ok person a and person c#person c talked about how she vagueposts about another person on her discord status and stuff#and then person a posted a few days earlier about someone who changes their disc profile stuff whenever person a posts#but THEN LATER a few days later person a replies to an ask person c made so ?????#i have no idea if theyre on good terms or bad terms#but i think person c fucking HATES person a#person a has their following public AND SHE ISNT FOLLOWING PERSON C OOOOOOOH#stalking person c’s alt account rn#bro feels like shes back to one friend…… hmmmmmm……#something just happened…. /ref#snapcube dub reference teehee anyways#shit went DOWN when i was gone wtf#interesting that on person c’s account they have the five post milestone thingy but theres only one post below that….. hmmmmmmmm…..#who the fuck is sylan#answer me person a#thinking it meant something in welsh since person a speaks welsh but it ended up meaning stare which. i dont think means anything but idk#maybe person c is sylan but idk???????#six minutes ago damn that post is fresh#im screenshotting that#ooooh are person c and this other person (i’ll call him person d) on good terms???#mmmmm person a and person d are on at least ok terms#person a started following him again and still is
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fuck i really am a perfectionist FUCK
#i’ll just be sitting there thinking some shit like i wish i could find the Ideal Way to do Everything surely it can’t be that hard surely if#i just keep trying different things different self-imposed systems surely i’ll find one that will get me to do everything- ah lads#AH LADS NOT AGAIN!!!!#good that i’ve started noticing though#before i’d just have the thought#now i can actually realize when i have a thought that boils down to ‘if i try hard enough i can become perfect’#coughs. coughs very discreetly and awkwardly.#i will still keep trying to be the best person best musician i can but. how do i separate that from perfectionism? how do I JUST GO HOW DO#JUST LIVE?#computer search how to become a perfect being. i mean computer search how to become able to function on command#rather than forcing myself to do things#even if it’s. IM GONNA FUCKING SCREAM this is just like when i yelled at my friend in the practice rooms#i love her and we have good conversations but i think there we reached a point where we really couldn’t help each other anymore#not like in GENERAL just in that. i have my problems and I FUCKING KNOW what they are but. i don’t know! it’s just not art fucking easy!#why is it not fucking easy it should be fucking easy! why am i scared of everything!#is everyone scared of everything??????#I NEED A THERAPIST MOMENT NUMBER FIVE THOUSAND#i might not even need a therapist though maybe i’m just fucking growing up#BUT I’D LIKE TO NOT HAVE AN UNDERCURRENT OF FEAR ON ALMOST EVERY TIME#not every time i’ve gotten better but it creeps back like the water and im like oh you and then i#can’t pull the stopper why can’t i pull the FUCKIN stopper it’s right there it’d be so easy and#nothing repels me except something mysterious some the water the water repels me#just by being there the water will not harm me it will not affect me in any way and i know this and i fear the water#should i write a fuckin poem. lmfao.
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just started reading stargirl: lost children n it’s cute i also like the references. i get very uncertain when media is very self-referential or dependent on understanding niche jokes in order to derive enjoyment from it but it feels more subtle here and more as a side than an entree if that makes sense. also the art is stunning
#eleanor.txt#do i have an eleanor reads comics tag. surely i did at one point#it’s been SO long#also i cannot lie im using it as a warm up because i wanted to jump ship to xmen#but i also haven’t read a comic in so long i was unsure if i still could. so it’s probably better to go for a familiar property#i needed an excuse to read it too tbh i’ve been meaning to get to it#anyway. back i go i’m sure i’ll have more thoughts at some point#ugh i need. some kind of tag for this#stargirl: tlc#eleanor reads comics#maybe i was right n that was actually it. idk#i’ll check my archive at some point. maybe
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theres a chance a huge amount of stress will leave my body tomorrow
#if i 1. talk to my group and convince them to cut our interview plan in half due to time restraints#2. finish the first full draft of the thesis#im not sure if that’s going to be it bc there’s a chance i’ll have to write a methodology chapter#but that’s fine ig#like if by the time i have to do it i’ll have all the regular assignments sent out#then it should take me one afternoon which isn’t too bad#oh and the wretched email. ughhhhhhhhh#i cried really hard for like 40 minutes today#i was meant to finish this weekend but ofc i didn’t#but tomorrow. i will finish this finally#and maybe i’ll feel even kind of alive for the first time since february#📓#fingers crossed lol#i feel so behinddddd on everythinggggggg#and i need to ask my mom to give me money back and maybe order yarn later this week#and maybe finish the lacan book and this other short thing#and take them back to the library#and then when i have everything finished i’ll catch up on the crotchet blanket and read the novels ive been putting off bc of stress#and there should be adam i ewa on stream too……#and i’ll rewatch the lethal company vods too bc i just remembered how funny they are#god february was such a time
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something so beautiful just happened to me….
#genshin impact#three into crit damage baybeee#THREE#and the one not into crit damage went to EM like YESSS#everyone pls bask in her beauty im in love#this is for alhaitham btw because obviously#ironically though the artifact i had him on before this had high crit too though so it didn’t actually add much for him😅#plus the other one had attack and crit rate so both of those dropped so not sure if it’ll make him better or worse yet lol#but like i HAVE to use it just LOOK at it#this is the best ive ever rolled on an artifact#maybe if its bad for alhaitham i’ll switch cyno back to gilded dreams and give it to him instead🤔#much testing to do
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yurusanta: the ✨gift✨ that keeps on ✨giving✨
#thank you cn lxl twt for your hard work#cn lxl twt: the only place with consistent high quality aiyuu fanart and the funniest of observations known to mankind#my birdsite dash is p much just ‘omg aiyuu necklaces’，[king yaoi (all 3 of them) lore]，[random fandom discourse]，’omg aiyuu necklace’ rn#that qrt i saw of the initial observation post with just the yurusanta lyrics made me laugh ngl#can’t believe we’re still getting samishigariya references in 2k24 though#maybe we’ll get to see them flirt in last stage??? i swear i’ll write an entire novel-length aiyuu fic if they become canon in last stage mv#yeah yeah tempting fate ikik they won’t become canon so easily anyway lmao <-has no faith in loserxloser#lxl is truly the only couple who could get married twice (nonfan and meoto) and still not be canon. smh.#at this point im just waiting for last stage mv so that i will finally have the motivation to update my kissmark tier list lmfao#i haven’t looked at it since the julieta album covers… hmmmmmm. maybe next week or the week after then#oh welllllll. time to go back to scrolling through king yaoi twts ig#i should really continue to read the o r v novel. why is yjh the og king yaoi when his ‘companion’ is the one who keyboard warriored for him#but mannnnnn. i also really wanna watch the final ll live dvd that came in a few days back…#so many things to do; so little time~~~~~~~~#well. that sure went off-topic real quick. u m.
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