#maybe i shouldn't be venting about this on tumblr of all places

[liskantope]

This is one of those things I probably shouldn't be talking about at all and certainly can't in many real-life social situations, but it's persistently enough on my mind nowadays that I kind of want to get it in writing.

[As is purely very personal, I'm inspired to put it below a cut as I notice others often doing. Content warning for whining in a way that I'm sure some will find insensitive.]

While I'm grateful not to have female biology while being in the second half of my 30's, partnerless, and still holding out hopes of having children, even without satisfying that first condition I am still getting quite caught up in worrying about how I'm going to both wind up with someone and wind up having children with that someone. It's getting to feel a lot more complicated, so that as much of a miracle it'll seem just to find a long-term partner, finding one that I can have kids with seems even more remote.

And it puts me in a position where I could potentially find myself in a very tricky dilemma, where I may very well have to choose a partner over the chance of ever becoming a parent, because there may be someone who crosses my path and is a wonderful person for me in almost every important way except for not wanting to have kids or (as is becoming more likely by the year) being too old to have kids. And I might find myself having to make a decision based on the fact that (1) kids can't realistically happen without a partner; (2) my desire for a life partner is much more immediate and raw than my desire to have children; (3) realistically speaking, I'll be incredibly lucky at this point to find someone who fulfills enough of the qualities I'm looking for in a partner to feel confident that we'd have a happy marriage even modulo the kids thing; and (4) at the same time I'm absolutely terrified of not being able to keep up with life stuff as a parent anyway. I really don't know how to evaluate a (very plausible) hypothetical choice of deliberately sacrificing one major goal like that to avoid the risk of sacrificing two; it's a particular case of the more general conundrum of how to deal with mixing rational, pragmatic decision-making with life choices that are supposed to be guided by deeply-felt emotions and the way I value another human being.

(I'm choosing here to assume that if I should become a father, it would be through the typical biological means with a female partner, because I don't think I'm likely to be attracted to someone who isn't a woman; meanwhile, adoption brings a whole host of complications with it so that I really don't feel inclined to consider it even though it's arguably ethically obligatory.)

This affects how I approach dating even now: at this point, my dating pool kind of has to include women in their late 30's or even around 40, and I hate ruling out someone for their age alone if they're otherwise great, and I wouldn't know how to bring it up with a woman I don't know very well yet. It's all really awkward, and openly talking about it at all almost feels like obnoxiously flaunting my biological advantage.

[my-unorthodox-life]

okay can i vent for a minute? get real personal with all y'all?

i've been a tumblr user since i got my first tablet at age 12, over a decade of having at least one active blog (usually more) so it's safe to say i've both gotten my fair share of hate and found ways of using this app to benefit me and keep me detached from this hate

currently i have 4 active blogs, my main where i do the typical reblogging and updates on my fanfics, this one where i post like a proper blog and reblog jewish things that matter to me, my mental health recovery blog where i talk about my eating disorder and ptsd, and my adult one where i reblog fun sexy stuff and chat about the struggles of dating as sex positive people with trauma.

all very important to me and all have various levels of anonymity when it comes to knowing about me as a person. some have my name, some a nickname, one just my age. plus various tidbits so people know what to expect from my posts and what we can chat about, basic blog rules essentially

in the past few months as antisemitism has gotten more and more common place i of course get more anon hate, i don't turn of inboxes since i do get nice stuff from time to time, and that's kind of the territory of running a blog (i had a trans rights one in the age of kalvin garrah, i think i'll live)

out of those four blogs the one that gets the most antisemitic messages, i mean full paragraphs of truly vile ramblings that read like a nazi fever dream, is the one for my mental health recovery. a blog that i block all but mutuals on, meaning either a stranger or someone i've interacted with is sending these messages

i've started replying to them, cause i feel if they want to be mean and make a fool of themselves i might as well let everyone see (poor guy keeps sending me weird reviews of "my" wattpad fics. i've never had a wattpad account but this doesn't seem to stop him), but what gets me is that blog has the least personal information on it. no name or nickname, no hobbies or interests listed, nothing about what i do for work beyond "pet care", and the only mention of my religion or politics was one post that joking about how my mental health often gets worse around the high holy days (very demure, very mindful)

and yet that's the blog that gets straight up death threats, not even disguised as anything else, just straight up calling me a pig who deserves to burn. not the personal blog where i've posted about israel and palestine, or about dating while religious, or hell even this one that might as well be a "i'm a sensitive jewish minded person! thoughts?" blog.

no the one blog that people feel safe harassing is the nondescript recovery and relapse blog. that's where people feel comfortable.

and it makes me sad, not because of what was said, but because it *was* said. that there's people out there comfortable enough in their bigotry to go up to someone and spew vile hate like it's nothing, but only of course if they can't put a name or face to the person they're talking to

what this reminds me of is when i was in high school i had an art teacher who didn't stand for antisemitic jokes, and there were a lot in my school. one day a kid just asked him "Mr.Dexter, are you a jew?" and his response really stuck with me. he said "It doesn't matter, maybe I am, maybe I used to be, maybe my wife is. But you shouldn't not say mean things just because you don't want to get in trouble, you shouldn't say them because you know it's wrong. If you didn't know, you wouldn't ask."

and i think that really sums up all these trolls i've seen running through jewish blogs or even ones that casually mention it, they know it's wrong but the aren't saying it to a jewish face, they're just saying it to the idea of judaism

these people wouldn't walk up to you on the street and look you up and down and say half of what they feel comfortable typing, but here where they can not only hide their face, but seek out a target that has hidden their own they've found a way to give themselves free reign to say and do whatever they want. to them it's not a person on the other side of the screen, it's the strawman caricature of a jewish person, out here just for them to yell at to get whatever anger they have out of their system

of course there are some people who would say truly despicable things to a random person on the street, but cmon is that person really on tumblr hunting through buzz words to send hate?

anyways i know the compassionate thing to do would be to pray for them to heal what's hurting them so bad, but yanno what, they can suffer a bit first

[jiraisupportgroup]

how do you feel about fashion jirais?

This is so extra but I see "fashion Jirais" in 3 different categories:

The "Falsely Accused" People who do have mental health struggles or do relate to the community, but aren't open about their struggles or really talk about it. Additionally, people who have been in these situations but are farther along in the recovery process and don't really talk about their "bad times". Essentially someone who relates to / understands the community but isn't open about it, so they get called a fashion jirai since they don't share their 'lifestyle' part of it. (This I see more often on Twitter, not so much on Tumblr).

The "Somewhat Misinformed" People who don't actually know what Jirai Kei is and just like the cute clothes, but are generally nice about it and don't really say anything mean or start fights. They're typically fine, I don't really mind them very much. It would be nice if they looked more into Jirai Kei and what it actually is, but I also understand that not everyone is going to do that so as long as they aren't mean or hurting anyone I'm generally okay with it. Sucks that they're perpetuating misinformation but, you know, it's the internet it's going to happen & I don't necessarily blame them for believing the misinformation they were fed in the first place. They're not really 'bad guys' in my eyes, I usually assume they just don't know better. (Finding accurate information about Jirai Kei is kind of hard).

The "Why Is Jirai Kei So Toxic" People who like the aesthetic and then are insufferable fucking assholes to everyone in the community talking about how it's "full of mentally ill teenagers" or everyone in the community is "super toxic" etc. These people can fuck themselves into oblivion. Why would you enter a community based around mentally ill teenagers and then complain when the people in the community are mentally ill. This also goes for the people who are like "We need to re-brand Jirai Kei" I get that they want to make it a nice and friendly and 'socially acceptable' community but that is not the point of the community, quite the opposite. It's like if you went into a Menhera space and were like "Hey maybe posting vent art is bad and we shouldn't do it" What the fuck are you talking about? Shoving issues in peoples' faces is literally part of the point. How are we going to get mental health resources if we pretend like our mental health is great all the time??? Those people at least I feel have good intentions but are very misdirected, but the "jirais" complaining constantly about how "lifestyle jirais are toxic" can shove it.

[funky-goblin-times]

I'll stop being a downer, I really do promise, just wanted to ask for a small bit of reassurance kinda? Maybe? Eh?

(content warning: vent, coercion, family issues, homphobia/transphobia mentioned)

My mother has decided that despite being a young adult, I'm not allowed to still have unmonitored friendships or beliefs, and upon finding out pretty much everyone in my friend group is lgbtq+, including me, my parents threw a huge fit and now are in control of my discord, fully monitoring it and everything my friends say to me (we closed our dms and had me leave a few servers for safety's sake).

My privacy and my friends' privacy has all been completely infiltrated, and I was supposed to keep my friends being monitored a secret (I didn't obviously), and on top of that, my financial stability in the form of college funding is now split is half, but if I stop pretending to be a perfect little mormon straight girl, my college funding will go away. Verbatim, if I "keep being good," I get half funding, but if I step out of line once I'm cooked. All of this over lgbtq friends, me being lgbtq and them claiming me and all my friends are confused and manipulated, and an essay I wrote about canonically gay fish boys (Luca & Alberto).

I'm so sick of being controlled, but god I can't get out of the house yet. No one is hiring me, and my parents don't want me to focus on getting my own place until I need a dorm/apartment for school. But I need out man, my friends don't deserve all of this stress and fear, and I'm sick of dealing with it myself. I don't care if I 'dissapoint' my parents or make them feel like I tear this family apart anymore, if their love was really unconditional, I wouldn't be familiar with being told "know your place," "you're tearing this family apart," and "this is exactly what your sister is doing, and we want to stop that." My sister is everything to me, my friends are everything to me. They're my closest family. And I hate venting online, I really do, but this is affecting me so bad right now, and just wanted to get it off my chest, yknow? This place makes me feel a little calmer, which shouldn't be the case cause it's godforsaken tumblr, but yknow, this is the hand I've been dealt, gotta play the game.

"Little Miss Perfect, that's me."

[preraphaeliteknight]

I've spent a few days thinking about what to do moving forward. It's not the breakup of a celebrity couple that's affected me the most, it's the feeling of losing my safe space in the Tumblr Swiftie fandom. Every time I've logged onto this app in the last few days I've flinched and quickly exited the dash to get away from yet another take mocking and ridiculing Joe. Or minimizing his very valid fears. "Unbothered 3.0". Rewriting history to make the last 6 years seem insignificant. Comparing him to CH as if petty jealousy is the issue here and not years of harassment. Celebrating the return of Taylor Swift, The Brand, no matter what that means for her future happiness. And circulating pressers that make it sound like Joe was a therapy dog who's no longer needed. All of which is making me feel physically ill. For both of them. And even when this stuff isn't coming from the people I follow (who for the most part have nuanced and fair takes), it's coming from their anons. And no matter what I do I can't get away from the outright cruelty and shocking lack of empathy for the person Taylor has credited with saving her life. Even though swifties know better than anyone what Joe has had to put up with for over half a decade. Given that treatment, I suppose it shouldn't surprise me that this is how he's being discarded. But fuck it hurts. So where does this leave me? This blog was never supposed to be an update account or an ask blog. I just wanted a space to fangirl over my favorite actor. But in the last few months this has become a space for Joe fans to be excited for his upcoming projects and clown over castings (remember a few weeks ago when we were giddily figuring out his next movie because of insta follows? yeah, take me back to that please). And I know some of you rely on this blog as a space to both appreciate Joe and vent your frustrations with his unfair treatment. I have 70+ asks in my inbox right now, the vast majority of which are well written, thoughtful takes on what's been happening. And I agree with pretty much all of it. Thank you for taking the time to send me your thoughts. But the truth is, I simply don't have the emotional capacity to reply to them right now. I can't do it. I can't talk and think and dwell on this. To quote a song that's too painful to listen to right now: "I'm just too soft for all of it." So I feel like I have two options if I ever want to be able to be active on Tumblr again: 1. Unfollow all swifties. Because just seeing pictures of Taylor (especially from the pap walk) makes me feel ill. And it's affecting my opinion of her even though I'm mad at her fans, and not her. And I don't want that to happen or the music to be tarnished. But I also don't want to break mutuals and hurt someone's feelings. And I want to know what's going on with Taylor. I'm a huge fan of her too, and I want to be excited for tour and the re-recordings. So that's why I'm going with option 2: Take a proper break. A real one, this time. Hopefully this all won't feel so hard with some time and distance. I don't know if it will solve anything, because swifties will get back to talking about Joe in the future (whenever she makes art about this) and then I'll probably have to flinch every time I open this app again. Because he will have been reduced to yet another ex swifties can make fun of. So maybe I have to go with both options in the end. If I do, I hope any mutuals out there know not to take it personally. I wish more than anything that I could return to the days of being a casual fan who wouldn't have thought twice about any of this. And maybe that's what I need to try to get back to. For my own sanity's sake. I'm sorry to any Joe fans out there who need a place to vent. I feel like I'm letting you down, but I just can't do this right now. Maybe I'll be able to in the future. Maybe I'll leave this blog and go back to my main instead where the subjects will be more varied. I don't know. I'll always be a Joe fan though, and no shitty presser or swiftie narrative is going to change that.

Please just be kind to each other, and to Taylor and Joe. Let's hope the best for both of them, and please please please don't tarnish all the good that this relationship gave them. And all the beautiful music it gave us.

All my love

[andypantsx3]

This is going to sound weird, but do you have any tips on how to gain traction as a fanfic writer? I've been trying for years and I get next to no interaction on my writing. I know I shouldn't care because I should be writing for myself, but it's still frustrating to see other writers get thousands of notes, and reblogs and asks praising their fics and I get maybe 20 likes. I've been looking into discord fandom groups but a lot of them don't allow people over 30, and I don't do well with busy groups anyway. I try to be active on my blog, and interact with other people and make myself approachable, but I'm getting so incredibly tired of talking to an empty space. Sorry, I think I ended up venting instead >_<

WARNING: DISCOURSE AHEAD

Omg hello my love!! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel this way! I have so many conflicting thoughts on this, let me try to get them in order for you!!

I guess, let me first start with some tips that I think actually answer your question, and then I'll just monologue about the ways I've been thinking about fandom recently, and you can skip that part if you wanna!

Part 1: Actual Thoughts on Your Question (lol)

I am possibly not in the best position to ask about this because I mostly happened to be in the right place at the right time, publishing my fics in the early part of the pandemic when people were more actively engaging in the fandom. But in my experience, outside of discord groups, other good ways to meet people and get your work out there are joining zines & collabs.

I'm not completely up-to-date with what the accounts are now that track these things, but there are several tumblrs and twitter accounts like BNHA Zines that exist to retweet & publicize zine posts. Look for zines that are in the interest check & application stages!! You can apply during the application phase and the good thing is that most zines will ask for an application piece and will judge you on your work rather than your follower count!!

Collabs are usually even easier because many of them are just open to whoever wants to join! I've only participated in server collabs but I've seen several posts cross my dash that are open to anyone. I'd probably monitor the collaboration and x reader tags on tumblr and join in on anything that looks fun!!

Another thing that I've noticed people do a lot is self-reblog their fics a couple times just to maximize their circulation. I've seen a lot of moots trying to make sure they hit good hours for different time zones and different days of the week to ensure their followers are at least aware that they've posted something if they don't have notifs on (I don't have notifs on so I'm grateful for these because otherwise I miss a lot!!). Even I have srb'd a time or two if I'm particularly proud of something lol.

And I think, if I also wanted to be a shark about things, I would try to get in on the ground floor of a fandom in its early stages!! For example, the second season of JJK is coming out soon and it's sure to bring a wave of new readers to the JJK fandom, especially for the characters like Gojo and Getou who look like they're gonna be the main focus of the season.

I think if you wanted to be extra sharp about things, you might time a fic release with some of the first couple episodes of a new season where you can be sure more people than usual will be poking around in the tags!! And if your fic is published during the early stages of a fandom, it's going to have more eyes on it overall than a fic published towards the conclusion of the series.

Anyway this is what I could think of. I hope this advice is practical and useful!! Now onto me blathering.

Part 2: Resisting Influencer Culture in Fandom Spaces

This part might be kind of controversial. I want to first acknowledge how easy it is for me to think and say these sorts of things when I'm already more than pleased with the amount of engagement I get. And I want to recognize that it is so, so deeply human to want recognition, community, and support for the things that we write.

I think it is so completely natural that you want interaction on your writing. All of us totally do, otherwise we wouldn't be publishing it publicly. If our work was truly, singularly for us and us alone, we'd keep it in the drafts lol. We put it out there hoping for praise and appreciation and connection, and in my opinion there is no shame in that.

So, admission time: I also definitely compare myself to other writers, and I have several times thought about transitioning more towards the type of content that drives higher note counts on tumblr: smuttier one-shots usually under 10k! I can see a huge difference in terms of just my own work on how my one-shots typically do in comparison to chaptered fics. And I definitely see how fast smutty imagines shoot up there in terms of note count.

But I was listening to a podcast episode recently on trying to sort of transition away from a metrics-focused approach to fandom. In the podcast, they talk about how in trying to legitimize fanfic as a literary mechanism, we've also sort of accidentally subjected it to our capitalist-influencer-mindset, where we see fic as more legitimate the more kudos it gets or the more followers it nets you, because in traditional influencer spaces, those followers are potential capital.

I'm definitely not saying you or I see people as potential revenue streams, but I think probably neither of us are immune to the culture at large, and we both probably carry some of internalized sense of our own value based on metrics, reach, and influence. And that sucks!!!!

Fandom, of all things, is supposed to be a specifically anti-capitalist space. We can't make money off of fanfic or fanart (legally, anyway lol), and we're all not the owners of the franchises either so none of our takes are necessarily more "valid" or weightier than others!! We're all supposed to just be trading stories around a campfire with no thought to their literary merit or monetary value. We're just supposed to enjoy the stories.

So, I don't know what the right answer is about how to try to resist the influences of our capitalist culture at large; I'm hoping someone smarter than me will tell me. But I do know that in fanfic, the value of your story can absolutely never be determined by how much engagement you get. Because fandom is not about metrics, and there is no inherent value in metrics. There is only the fun you had creating the story, and the depth of the connection you made with someone over it--even if that's just one other person.

And so I personally am at least trying to resist the lure of transitioning to smutty one-shots even though I think a lot of people would like that. Because what I like doing is writing my little 30k multi-chaps; those are my fave kinds of stories to tell, I'm not letting my metrics tell me what I should be writing.

I hope, at the very least, you know that your worth and the value of your story is not defined by how many other people have read it. And if you ever wanna chat more about this let me know, I'm still figuring this all out myself and could use friends to explore it with!!

[freckliephil]

Do you realize you have poc mutuals and it hurts that you have not said anything in support to the discussion, but instead said people should log off? People are mad but if you don't want to reblog vent posts you can still just... say the obvious, that people shouldn't be racist here. Otherwise saying you're not racist means nothing and does not make this space safer for anyone. And I really, really mean this in the most non-violent way possible. (Also fine if you don't answer this, just a heads-up anyway)

Im gonna be so fr right now and then im going back to work. Ive been on tumblr for 10 years. Ive been engaging in fandom for longer. i can say with complete confidence that fandom tumblr is not the hill to burn yourself out and die on re: activism and racial justice.

Its absolutely disgusting and unacceptable that poc phannies are getting sent slurs and anon hate. Idk how else to put it - it sucks and im disappointed its happening in a fan community im part of. But like, idk what exactly there is for anyone to do other than be aware of what you can, not be a dick, or log out? Like, idk what is being asked of me other than to not actively be a racist asshole myself?

Tumblr sucks, i fucking hate it here 80% the time, this place is a literal nightmare echo chamber and it’s hardly gotten better if at ALL in the decade ive been here. Idk if this is noticeable, but i really dont spend a lot of time here in general. I just started a full time job in a new field, i have partners and friends and a busy ass poly schedule that leaves me like 2-3 hours a day of downtime IF THAT. Sometimes i use that time to browse tumblr or shit post with my friends, but being active on tumblr and staying up to date on the goings on of people i dont know or talk to online is reaallllyyy not my priority. I literally dont read OR make posts on tumblr over 3 paragraphs as a pretty loose rule - this is not my news source, nor is it somewhere i want to go to read or engage in people’s tumblr brainrot induced lukewarm takes about real issues that require things like nuance and self awareness. I got a Gender studies degree for that. I have my real life community for that. Yall dont know me and i dont know you, and respectfully, im not getting paid to keep up with these things.

I fully stand by my statement that we should all just log out. I dont want poc phannies to burn themselves to the ground fighting with idiots who wont change, at least not in this setting or this context. I dont want people, either random white phannies trying to avoid blame OR dan and phil themselves, to put out half hearted statements about racism. This shit is serious, its complex, and it’s not something i personally can commit to changing or even keeping up with IN THIS CONTEXT. There are more pressing issues in the world we live in for me that have nothing to do with fandom or tumblr politics or fucking dan and phil. I’ll acknowledge that it fucking sucks, and im genuinely sorry to the poc phannies who are getting the shitty end of the situation as they often are. i dont want anyone to be run out of phannie tumblr nor do i think the solution to racism is to just go “oh well, people never change, time to give up and shut up” BUT i also really dont know what this call to action is really for if the issue at hand is…anon hate?? dan and phil not *maybe not going to latam or asia on a tour?? stuff dan and phil said a long time ago?? Like, correct me if im wrong, but those really aren’t issues in my control, and as much as i wish anyone’s words could have a real affect on them, they just wont. All you can do is reduce harm with the tools at hand - turn off anon, build community with people you trust and get to know them as people and not URLS, literally log of and go get some air, find communities you can have real dialogue and action within. Thats all i know how to cope, and all i can recommend doing.

Im not trying to be an ass or say this isn’t important, i just really dont think the answer to this issue is to go into people’s ask box and demand they say something when you literally dont know them or their lives. not everyone has endless time to engage in complex discussions on tumblr, and i really truly believe begging people to say SOMETHING is completely unhelpful when these issues are so sensitive. I really hope things change and i wish i had more time to actually get into it or form helpful, productive opinions other than this, but i dont.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Hey Lost, bit of a weird and maybe stupid question but how do you enjoy eruri in the fandom so peacefully? I love aot and eruri but I get so worked up from the chaos, I've muted and blocked people but I still seem to find the negativity all the time. How do you deal with the hate?

Ha! That's a very good question. To be honest it's partially just practice; I've been around in fandom for so long that I've learned to create really strong boundaries. Fandom for me has always been a place for creativity, community and escapism, so I'm really defensive about curating my fandom experience. I don't hesitate to block or mute anyone who brings negativity or drama into my fandom space, and that includes people in the Eruri fandom if necessary.

Being active on twitter and tumblr and keeping an open ask box does mean that it's impossible to completely dodge hate, negativity and drama, but it is possible to tune it out and tone it down. It's important to come to terms with the fact that, most of the time, you can't change the way other people think. There will always be fans who hate your otp, who have a wildly different view of your favourite characters, or who prefer other ships, and that's okay, just let them go their own way and concentrate on enjoying your own ship instead. Then there are other people who simply take delight in shitting on anything that brings joy to others. It's really important to ignore these assholes and don't let them impinge on your enjoyment of your ship.

The thing about fandom is that it unites a vast diversity of people who may have very little in common other than their love of a particular ship. It's a miracle that fans get on as well as they do, but we shouldn't be too surprised when they don't. Having said that, we're all only human and it can get really annoying and upsetting when people wilfully cause drama, or post hot takes that are designed to stir up trouble. That's when it helps to have a small group of trusted friends on a discord or backchannel where you can vent your frustrations in private. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the best way to experience fandom is with a small circle of like-minded weirdos who you would trust with your life. If you're lucky, these people might become your life long friends too ♡

PS If all else fails, ridicule is a useful antidote to hate 🐐

[adonis-koo]

All of the asks that didn't get responses were from the very first few chapters. Maybe 1-5. It would have been late 2022 or early 2023 as that's when I binge read it. I looked at Wicked's masterlist, and I found the story around Chapters 14/15 I think. It was around the time of them training her to fight and the fight itself. I remember you responding to the ask that I sent in shortly after JK and OC got together (I can't remember the chapter number). I asked if the story was winding down now that the two main leads were together, and you replied no that it still had a ways to go. I don't think there is a way to see what asks I've sent in. I wish there were. Tumblr eats too many asks. It would be nice to have them saved in a place so they can be resubmitted.

I don't review anonymously. I always put as much thought as I can possibly put into my review, and I stand by everything I say in my reviews 100%. So I feel no need to review anonymously.

I don't think it's entitlement to ask for interaction with your readers. I think it's just nice to have readers that want to interact with you as a writer. That's why I said there is nothing better to me than when a writer wants to talk to me about their work. I've made a few writer friends on tumblr and they've bounced ideas for their stories off me several times. I always give my honest opinions on their ideas. I like interacting with them. But I do also agree with you on the part that you do this because you chose to. Because you like doing it. And interaction can't be demanded. Is it nice to receive it, yes. But it shouldn't be mandatory to leave a review on everything you read. Sometimes I read something that I really enjoyed, but I don't have anything to really say about it in a review. I'm not the type of reviewer to just say "oh this was really great, I loved it." You'll never see me do that type of review. lol When I review, I like to write book length reviews, and to write a book length review, I need to have a lot of thoughts and feelings on what I read. Some stories/chapters, I just don't have a lot of thoughts and feelings on, so it's hard for me to leave a lengthy review. So I just choose not to. Doesn't mean I don't like it. But I do always leave a like at the very least, and sometimes a short comment.

I always tell writers to write for themselves. I know it's an overused expression, but it's true. As long as you like what you wrote, then nothing else matters. It doesn't matter if 2 people reviewed it or 100 people. The important part is whether you like it. Some writers on tumblr are happy with 50 likes and a couple comments. Others want 2,000 likes. There's nothing wrong with either option. The writer just needs to figure out what level of interaction they're satisfied with. If they don't hit that, they shouldn't be disappointed. It doesn't mean their work isn't good.

I completely understand what you’re saying, I don’t really have much to say myself though. Other then I think I’m just in a really weird slump and already struggling with other things, writing use to come so much easier to me when I was younger, but the older I get the more it becomes a mental chore, which I hate! Because I still love witting and I always will.

I’m sure we have all read fics at some point and not left a review, I think it’s inevitable, but my vocalizing was directed at people who are avid readers, who do binge read an insane amount of fanfiction and have nothing to say, even if they thoroughly enjoyed it, I’m just venting personal frustration because at some point when you know you have thousands of people reading, it’s disheartening to see.

But I do chose to write for myself, I have been a big advocate of this advice my entire stint as a writer; but it doesn’t make taking it any easier, especially when it has been years of continually being disappointed and having to repeat it, there is no right or wrong way to want something. I guess for the longest time I just didn’t understand why writers retired from this website.

But I’m almost at that point myself now, and I fully understand the way they felt and their love of writing slowly fading, at least in this context. Anyways I do appreciate your words and your thoughts! Thanks for reading and supporting my blog because I truly do appreciate it

[rasazys-ramblings]

Sorry for the rant/vent (whatever) but I feel like Tumblr is the only place I can turn to to talk about my problems, especially related to gender and sexuality, without someone I know making fun of me

I still remember my two day field trip for orchestra. On the second day after our concert, we got to go to a hot spring or walk around the area. There were two any gender changing rooms, but only one was open. There were six of us, including me, standing there, waiting to change out of our concert attire. I knew everyone waiting. I am an introvert who doesn't know anyone except my friends and the kids that the teachers always call on.

We stood there and waited for about half an hour to a full hour, I can't remember clearly, waiting to change. One transmasc, four non-binary, one demiboy. It was terrible seeing everyone having fun, but us stuck waiting for each other and taking turns using one changing room.

Sometimes I forget how much it sucks to be any gender other than a male or female in this world, and it sometimes makes me wish I was a straight, cis Asian woman, but I'm not. I don't want to be. But looking through everything, I no longer feel comfortable being nonbinary, omni, ficto, abnosexual, or aegosexual. But that's what I think I am, and that's what I've been trying to accept, but society won't let me and it keeps reminding me, along with my parents, my entire family, that I can't be, and I shouldn't be any of those. Everything is she/her, he/him, male, female, brother, sister, man, woman, ma'am, sir, it's driving me crazy and it makes me wish I never found out about other genders or sexuality, it makes me wish I never found out about lgbtq, and sometimes it even makes me wish I fucking discriminate people who weren't their assigned birth gender, and it's terrible because I don't want to be, and I literally cannot make myself be one, and it makes me sick knowing that this world has made me think that at all. I feel like no one should ever think that. No one should ever have to think any of that. It's disgusting.

I'll never, never forget the time when I was at a friend's birthday party and my mom asked how many boys and girls there were. I told her how many, but added how a few people were trans. She instantly started using correct grammar and punctuation. She never does that.

I also won't forget those times at the dinner table when I asked my parents, "Are you okay with gay?" "Are you okay with trans people?" etc. and how they said they were okay with it, but proceeded to say something that completely contradicted their "yes". Or maybe I just remember a time they were being phobic. Yeah, they might not realize it, but it's made me afraid to talk about it around them.

I wish it was easier to accept who I am. I wish it was easier for others to accept who they are. I wish society could be more friendly to us. I wish there were more people whose families supported us and their children, and could understand us better. But no. They can, the could, but they won't.

[thatonespriteobsessedbitch]

ok bad batch finale time! here's my thoughts!

The Summit

ok I'm so scared rn, the opening credits haven't even finished and I'm terrified for my babies

please please go save him

yes tech!!! family comes first

ok I didn't like Phee at first but her interacting with Megs 🥹

oop tech and Phee moment

lmao tech can't do emotions (yk what, same tho)

(cue tiktok sound "walk him like a dog sis, walk him like a dog")

poor tech he's so fucking confused 😂

that fucker is back 😒

I hate this doctor so much

his voice annoys me

also fuck tarkin, what an ass

low-key so mad at hunter but it is what it is

bad enough that he left cross on the platform but trying to argue that they shouldn't go rescue cross makes me so mad

(believe it or not, at one point I was a hunter girlie and not a cross girlie)

which planet is raxus again??? tbh they're all blending together at this point

lol omega is joining wreckers scared of height club

gd tech is doing something to me today

don't get caught guys, please don't get caught

I did not have hunter willingly killing multiple troopers on my tbb bingo card

*brief intermission in my tbb commentary to inform you that my cats are wrestling and the older one (spock) refuses to just deck Hex when he's annoying him*

again, this dr pisses me off

"test subjects" well that is definitely not ethical

again, fuck tarkin

wtf is project star dust

techs little leggings 🤣 I love them so much

mouse droids!!!!!

stay focused on the mission guys ffs

run omega run

ok prediction: they're not the only ones breaking into the summit

called it lol

tbh saw gerrera really pisses me off, idk why tho

and covers blown lmao

stormtroopers wearing Corrie red hurts my soul so much

let me guess, saw gerreras team is going to grab the one shuttle they aren't supposed to grab

nope they just blew up the ship instead

I don't think they're gonna save crosshair

are we gonna get a season 3????

Plan 99

please I want them to save my boy

please Filoni I'm begging you

I already know something is gonna happen to tech (I opened up tumblr to block all the spoilers tags and unfortunately there was a whole bunch of spoilers on my dash 🙁)

tarkin just really doesn't care about his own troops huh

run tech run

fuckkkkkkkk

tech is gonna die

wrecker is too heavy, he'll make it worse hunter

omg I'm literally sobbing

tbh this was not how I wanted to start my day 😭

tech's dead honey, he won't hear you mega

wreckers little neck brace 😂

don't fucking tell me, that after tech sacrificed himself, that you aren't going to go try and save crosshair

you've already lost one brother, you don't need to lose another

omg they're gonna have to tell Phee 😭

cid sold them out

wait maybe they'll get taken to the same place as cross!!!

ah for fuck sake

it's doctor asshole again

yk they were kinda stupid to go back to ord mantell

cid told them this was gonna happen if they showed face again

and omega is playing right into their hands

doctor asshole brought up tech and wreckers reaction was my reaction

Hemlock is such a fucking dick, like giving hunter his brother's cracked goggles and saying that's all he could salvage?!?!!

I hate him more than krell

"she's long gone" except she's literally venting lmao

god I hate him

at least he found echo

"why did they bring me here?" because they needed Nala Se to cooperate

wait are we gonna find out how the emperor did the thing he did in the sequel trilogy???

don't tell me she's gonna see cross barely alive

for fuck sake the empire is traumatizing this child so fucking much

omg the assistant or something is her template I'm calling it right now

ok I mean I was close, they're sisters so I'm not far off

omega don't look so surprised, it's kinda obvious

so anyways I think that's practically confirmation of a season 3

[little-bloodied-angel]

First of all, the "thick skin" comment was only in regards to stuff like people hating on your ships and I did qualify "from what I've seen". I didn't intend to imply that you're not affected by things and I'm sorry if it came off that way.

And I never argued that people should not be entitled to their opinions and to expressing those opinions wherever they want. I just think using some tags because you don't know what will upset or even trigger someone isn't a stretch, it's being civil; and sometimes people aren't even able to avoid that content until after they've seen it precisely because of the tagging issue. Of course, the person in question should ask politely and not come in with demands, but I think "your feelings aren't my responsibility" applies more to "you were warned about this content so I'm not responsible if you choose to consume it" rather than "I don't care if you're upset and I shouldn't do anything to make a fandom space more comfortable or easy to navigate". Again: if you putting something in a tag on Tumblr only appeared on your blog, I wouldn't even think of having this discussion, because the tag could just be blocked in your blog with no other issue, but politely asking someone to add a word to a tag so they don't have to choose between blocking the whole tag, a whole blog they otherwise enjoy, or being upset or triggered without warning, isn't that much to ask. You can't curate your own experience, particularly in fandom spaces, if nobody cooperates with you. I've seen people argue that if you get triggered you should just not participate in fandom using the "your feelings are not my responsibility" argument, and that's just unfair. Again, people should ask politely, but Tumblr is not a podcast or a YouTube channel where you simply don't click on something that will make you feel like that. If people misuse tags then you see those things with no warning or you have to stay out of the tag entirely. If the intention isn't to provoke, upset or trigger people on purpose then it doesn't cost much to add a word or a tag to avoid exactly those things. Same with fanfic sites: the warnings should be on the tags, or at least tagged as "chose not to tag".

Like I said, if I worded a request like in the previous example, as calmly and politely as possible, and the person I'm asking essentially told me to fuck off because their feelings are not their problem, I don't think I'd be the one in the wrong. I just don't think someone should be sent crying or even having a panic attack to "deal with it themselves" if two extra seconds on someone else's part could avoid it. That's precisely why we tried to make the "anti (x)" and "(x) critical" tags commonplace, so that people could criticize, vent, or even rant or bash to their heart's content without the actual fan tag being flooded with negativity. That's not making someone responsible for your feelings; that's when you were warned, interacted with the content anyway, and then went rant at the person who made it about how dare they make the content in the first place.

I'm really not trying to antagonize you here. You've actually done that exact thing before, with me specifically, most likely because I asked politely. Most recent example: I told you certain wording in a possible Charmine fic came off as classist, which I was sure was not your intention, and maybe it would be better to change it because it was really uncomfortable to read, and you agreed and changed the wording without changing the sentiment. So I assume that if I asked you with the same level of politeness "hey could you please add this tag? You know your blog is one of my favorites, but I just can't stand to see (whatever), it's really upsetting to me", without criticizing you as a person, your opinion, or anything else, you'd do the same. The issue is not asking but demanding, imho, and it's also quite a different thing to ask someone to tag something than to say "you shouldn't be writing that", obviously. Again, the "there's a human being behind the screen" applies to both people. That's all I mean. And it doesn't hurt anybody to try and make online spaces a bit easier/safer to navigate; not by censoring things, I'll be the last to advocate for that, but simply by giving a heads up that that's what you're talking about.

Stuff kids on tumblr better relearn

1. You are responsible for your own media experience. 

2. There is such a thing as a healthy level of avoidance towards topics that make you feel unwell or even (in a real-life clinical definition of the term) trigger you - but you are the one to actively take care of what you view.

3. Avoiding does not mean policing others.

4. You have no right to tell artists to censor themselves - you may criticize what others do, you may dislike it, that’s fine - but actively asking for censorship when you could easily unfollow or block a person just makes you look incompetent in your use of the internet.

5. Do not give people on tumblr or /any/ website the responsibility for your emotional well-being. Because these people do not even know you so no, you have no right to ask them to take care of you.

[pepsicolabunches]

Getting a bit really stressed about my roommates not working. One is making ei so there's at least some money coming in for rent, but the other quit her job a couple months ago (right after we moved to the new, big house) and has had to ask for everyone else to cover her portion of the rent...

I can't really help much because I don't really even make enough for food, let alone an entire other persons rent

To be clear, I'm not asking tumblr to help with my financial struggles. If you want to help people, there are countless people in crisis that you can donate to. There are people in your own community who could use that help.

I just need somewhere to vent about the fear I'm feeling about my situation. If we get evicted because we couldn't pay rent, I'm absolutely certain I won't be able to find another place, and could end up homeless which, as a disabled person barely holding on, sometimes in constant pain, I can tell you that I will not make it on the streets.

Luckily I do have people in my life that I can temporarily move in with, but not with my stuff. And I do have a lot of stuff. Mostly books and clothes. Almost all the books I've lugged with me across Canada, through my many many moves.

I'm very grateful for consistently having a place to live, enough to slowly acquire many things. Not things that are worth anything, I can't sell them or anything. And I don't want to. Maybe it's a bit selfish but I've worked my ass off dealing with working while being in severe pain. Working while recovering from surgeries. Also, as a person living in poverty, having things means I don't need to buy those things. Which is good because I do not have the funds to just buy things when I need them.

Most of my things I've had for most of my life.

Idk

Idk where my brain was going with this I just... Idk I'm making this about me I suppose. And also about so many other people struggling through poverty. It's like, really really expensive to not have the money for things. I buy cheap items because I can't afford expensive things. I buy things when they are on sale even if I can't afford them because I know it will last longer than buying it cheap.

I've messed up my guts cuz I haven't eaten properly in more than a decade. Not having enough energy to make food means I have to buy things that are really easy to make. Sometimes I have to bite the bullet and spend so much fucking money on getting food delivered because I'm in so much pain I can barely walk to the bathroom, let alone the grocery store and then also making food. Last month I cried making a sandwich because it was too painful.

I guess this is about fear. I'm already aware that there aren't really any systems in place to help people who need it. The systems in place are overworked because they aren't funded properly. They don't really have any solutions for ppl struggling to make rent/buy food. Definitely no solutions for people who are poor and also have health issues. For some reason they expect disabled people to be able to access the same solutions which, often is not possible.

Doctors keep suggesting my roommates act as some kind of a care aide, getting my food, making my food, helping with cleaning, driving me places. But also don't think I have severe enough pain to actually suggest getting a care aide. They just assume my friends/partner are fully willing and able to support me out of the goodness of their hearts. As if the people around me are not also struggling. As if I could just put the responsibility of taking care of a person onto someone who very much did not offer their help. And they shouldn't. I'm absolutely not putting myself in the situation where I am at the mercy of other people's unpaid labour. These are my friends, not my personal workers.

I was trying to get a service dog, but they cost a whopping $40,000. I cannot afford $300/month for food, so there's not a chance in hell I could ever get one. The nonprofit organization that might have covered the cost of it is already full (waitlist also full) so if that ever happens it will be years from now.

Every solution requires a lot of effort (that, again, I do not have the energy for). Every problem requires solutions that do not exist.

I'm doing the absolute best I can and I'm just, acutely aware that it is not enough.

Feeling the weight of stress piling up on me... When I ask for relief, all I get is more steps to climb.

Feeling trapped in this body which is absolutely constantly reminding me of how I am unable to do the things I need to do. If it's not one thing, it's another. I had 7 months of every day pain so bad I had to go to the er many times. Do I know why? No. I'm just grateful I have had a couple weeks of not that specific type of pain. Not that I'm pain free of course. Going to the grocery store a couple blocks away, filling up a rolling cart ($130 of food that won't even last me a week), not making it home without crying because I can feel bones scraping together in my hips (no, not arthritis, just cuz it wants to :))

Genuinely, not sure what I'm supposed to do. Everything I do feels like too much and also not enough. Feels like I'll never climb out of the hole I've wiggled my way into.

So terrified that I will have to deal with all of this while also not having stable housing

Im not expecting anyone to read all of this, I'm just, needing to put this somewhere. Getting the stress out of my brain (hopefully)

[somedeadbeatloz3r69]

LONG ass paragraph/essay of me yapping about how the people who ruined me + how I'm gonna treat myself better bc I've realized I'm better than every1 else, btw U should think UR better than everyone else (no it's not narcissistic, if anything it should be normalized). and stuff like that and yeaaa :3

SECTION 1 I'm gonna start pushing everyone I once was close to away from me, my mind and just my life. I'm gonna start to let go and pretend like we were nothing more than friends. It hurts when I think back on all our memories, but it was nice while it lasted, right? I'm gonna start living for myself. If I meet someone I'm not gonna plan ahead with them what we should do (unless THEY wanna) and I'm gonna meet new people/friends who are like me and who'll accept me for who I am and not make terrible (problematic) jokes. Even then, I'm not gonna get attached or get close to anyone. I'll always feel the void of that person who left me, and it'll hurt, but it's whatever. It does hurt, thinking about how we planned to grow up together n live across from eachother n shi, and it does hurt knowing all those years were wasted, and it does hurt knowing I'll never be that close to anyone again, and if I am I'll still be thinking of you. It hurts knowing how bad they ruined me. But it gets better thinking about how I'll meet people who'll treat me better. Maybe not make better memories, but treat me better. I'll always have a place in my mind for the 4 of the guys who I got close to and they literally ruined me and altered a part of my thinking. But I'll live on. I'll live on for myself this time. And I will think about them everyday, lingering in the back of my mind, but I'll act like I'm not. and I'll try to block and push away the hurt. I'll always treasure them more than anyone else. secretly. But I'll always hate them more than anyone else, publicly. I'm gonna be a new person. It's a new start with new people and I'm gonna try and do it better. I'll start keeping track of my feelings and instead of trauma dumping to people I know I'll start writing down how I feel. (or venting to tumblr because like hey tumblrs free therapy) SECTION 2 for awhile I've been putting my trust in people and getting close to them. and every time they end our 'friendship' they take away a piece of my feelings or some shit. Every time it happens it hurts for a less amount of time and I hate it. it's weird and I wanna continue to weep over it but I just can't. I just tell myself, 'oh well, it was nice while it lasted.' and I think that's just me letting everything go. I don't really care if anyone am/was close to leaves me in some sort of way. I just brush it off and pretend we were never close. I feel like it's some sort of way to cope. That or I'm used to it by now. Which is weird, because I shouldn't feel like this when my favorite person ever just dropped me. Shouldn't I be crying? screaming in pain or betrayal? no. Instead I'm just detached from reality, sitting and staring at whatever's in front of me, robbed of my feelings and perspective of what's real or not. It's so crazy. What do you mean we're never gonna do all that shit? What do you mean I can't just look at an airplane anymore and think 'I'm gonna be in those to meet up w/ him one day.'? It's so weird. It's like I hate and love(platonically) everyone who I've gotten close to. I can't let go but I can. I don't understand any of this.

[aceisexisting]

Just finished helping Santa. How'd it go, you ask?

Santa was fucking tired and didn't wanna get his ass up. Not only that, but Santa is fucking sick and shouldn't be doing this shit in the first place. So I just stood there in Santa's office having a God damn panic attack on whether or not to wake him up like "hey Santa I know you love doing this but you really really shouldn't right now" and I'm pacing around the house going "I care about his physical health but do I care about it more than his emotional health" and I'm just standing over him shaking him, you know, like, "wake up Santa it's time to do present" but when that didnt work i just start talking to him because sometimes Santa likes to talk in his sleep and I'm just like "hey I know you like doing this but you're sick so I was wondering if maybe I could do it this year" and then he fucking woke up while I was in the middle of my sentence.

And guess what? I ended up putting out all of the presents anyways because Santa can't bend over like he used to (I should probably mention he takes back medicine that makes him conk out faster than you can say eggnog) while he ate all the cookies and drank the milk and wrote the little notes to the children that do write them and place them on the fire place despite the fact he really needs to eat better because according to his wife at least he needs to take better care of himself because half of his health problems come up from the fact he doesn't exercise. Sure during the rest of the year he's eating well but he's not doing anything and we're really really worried about him

Anyways I'm glad I found this phone with an open Tumblr account I really needed to vent

-a very stressed elf

[general-sleepy]

[ID: Screenshots of Tumblr tags: #uhhh not to be *that* person but if said someone is critcizing the movie/showand not your work on giffing it perse... why do you... care... #am i an asshole for not seeing much trouble in it? #i think it's different when sb shits on your writing style in the comments of ur fanfiction sure bc thats directly linked to how you write. #if the reblog tags were smth like 'hate this color grading' or some shit like that. that would make more sense for me. #like people are allowed to be haters guys. especially on their blog?" END ID]

It's less a matter of criticism being inherently good or bad, but of etiquette and context. General fandom, including Tumblr and AO3, are not spaces that traditionally invite criticism. It's a realm of hobbyists relaxing, not necessarily artists trying to improve their craft or critics looking for intellectual debate. Sometimes people want that, because in some contexts it's fun, but it shouldn't be taken for granted. If someone wants to enjoy themselves by enthusing about a chosen piece of media, then it's polite, and again, accepted etiquette, to keep your complaining on your own separate posts. Live and let live, whether it's enthusing or hating.

For example: I hate Hostel. Loathe it. Can think of maybe two or three nice things to say about it. I've seen worse movies, more morally indefensible movies, but none that fills me with such enthusiastic rage. I post about it a bunch. I could be starving to death on a deserted island and if you asked me for my opinion on Hostel I would spend my last breaths ranting about how godawful that the movie is and Eli Roth's thundering incompetence.

I don't tag my Hostel hate posts as #hostel, though. I don't want my Hostel hate to show up in the main tag where Hostel fans just wanting to have a good time will see it. If I saw a post of lovingly edited Hostel gifs or someone's breathlessly enthusiastic meta about how awesome Hostel is, I wouldn't add a comment about how, actually, Hostel sucks eggs and this person is wrong. Because they're there to have fun; and because I'm aware of the context, I let them. Then I go to my own blog and vent in a post tagged #hostel hate or something; so I can have fun hating in a safe, designated hater zone.

Or, here's an example from the other side. I just saw a movie called Nothing Bad Can Happen, which I adored. Five-star review from me. Imagine I make this post:

Just saw Nothing Bad Can Happen, and holy heck, it was great. Like a ton of other people. I got New French Extremity vibes (which I also love). Julius Feldmeier's performance is incredible. Like in the scene where... [raving about all of the details of my favorite scene with screenshots]. Anyway, the movie was awesome!

If I thought the movie sucked, and I saw this post, I'd just keep scrolling. Then consider this post:

Just saw Nothing Bad Can Happen, and I thought it was fantastic. It's really interesting to place it in the context of New French Extremity. I know that not everyone enjoys these films (including the criticisms of misogyny, which don't come from nowhere) but I feel like that's not a central aspect of the genre as a whole. Nothing Bad Can Happen is a great jumping off point for discussing the role of male suffering extreme horror. Like, you can look at the scene where [arguments about why a scene I will describe backs up my thesis, with evidence and analysis]. Anyway, that's what I took away from it. I'd love to hear anyone else's opinions.

If I think the movie sucked and this person is wrong about everything, yeah, it would be absolutely reasonable to reblog with that opinion. Of course, I should still be polite and not just say "the movie was ass and you're dumb for liking it." But this is absolutely a space for constructive negativity. If I say that I think this person is wrong because [specific reasons] and set off a debate, everyone involved is going to be having fun, because that's what we all agreed to.

Calling media dogshit is a good fun and a god-given human right, just be aware of the context.

#this scene was so dumb #this movie sucked #this movie was garbage but-

Then don't reblog it???? I cannot keep reiterating how annoying it is for op to read these tags. Why are you reblogging things you don't like or enjoy? Keep your reviews off gifmaker's posts unless you are sharing the love and appreciation for what people are creating.