#maybe i should start acting like one
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WE ARE | EP16
#we are#we are the series#we are series#tanfang#aou thanaboon#aouboom#boom tharatorn#my edits#weareedit#AOUBOOM MAIN LEADS WHEN???#i do appreciate them and the way they’ve been portraying tanfang#i know tan was a bit over the top 99% of the time#but every scene and touch felt so genuine#and i’m not gonna credit that to new#bc he wasn’t able to direct ppw in a way that didn’t make their kisses look a bit awkward#i know scenes have to look aesthetically pleasing in some way#and that’s why we keep having to deal the ‘no one would kiss with this much space for jesus between each other’ complaints#but like look at aouboom here#this is mostly them and their acting choices in my humble opinion#and don’t get me started on the pecks#ppw BARELY touched the other one’s lips when they had to do a peck kiss#like cmon the difference between ppw and aouboom pecks is insane#i’m sorry for picking on ppw but i’m a bit sad that some of their romantic scenes were a bit lackluster#especially that very last kiss which tbh i rather wouldn’t have seen bc it felt a bit awkward to me#but that may be just me#i need new to get a bit more frisky with kiss scenes when it comes to his directing#bc i feel like friskier kiss scenes only happen when the actors mostly do their thing after finding out what the director wants#(maybe i’m completely wrong about new but tkdkfdkddkdk)#and don’t get me wrong idgaf if there are kisses or not but if there’s a kiss scene you should commit instead of holding yourself back idk#and ppw definitely need a better director to help them achieve that bc jojo was definitely better at directing them
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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like
-💀
It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.
If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.
Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.
He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...
#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it#already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus#he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans#like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects#like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend#pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years#with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to#realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia#from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h#he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is#giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he#because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough#that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing#damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b#stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons#are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou#his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause#it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his#friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus#cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken#that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go#you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a#condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin#they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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oh im obsessed with this actually… who ever wrote this one i am kissing u on the forehead and hugging you real tight… inigo is such a loverboy im kkkhhhhhhijnsdnfng
#ann plays awakening#EDITING TO SAY I STARTED TAG VENTING HIT READMORE AT YOUR OWN RISK#anyways#LAST LINE IS A KILLERRRR WOW#‘ann werent you just pairing olivia with thar—‘ OLIVIA IS A BUSY WOMAN OKAY#but also i just had this old save file from when i wanted to see pink inigo and decided to get some more supports#im obsessed actually like#ok tag venting time maybe this should be its own post but u guys know who i am#not only does this support in my very educated opinion do a good job at emulating inigo’s way of speaking#but i think theres also a very underrated characteristic he has that not a lot of people talk about and its that hes honestly quite morbid#him spending hours talking to and dancing with his mother’s grave is very beautiful and moving but it is also not a normal way to grieve#which makes sense because duh nothing about his life is normal but its j like. you know#if robin is his father (and maybe j the normal convo i dont remember) in the hot springs scramble he’ll insist upon bringing—#severed risen limbs home as a way to remember the peacefulness (lol) of the springs#and he thinks absolutely nothing of it!!#i think he gets attached to things just a little too intensely and because his life is surrounded by death how he expresses that can be#very interesting. and he talks about death all time more than the other kids#bc while a lot of their coping mechanisms are based in fear and the need to instill confidence in themselves (think cyn or gerome or owain#or sev or yarne or noire)#and how their SCARED of death and of loss and adapt different behaviors to act like theyre not (to varying degrees of success)#i think inigo is much more accepting of the fact that death follows him and has made it a normal presence in his life#which is not a good thing it means that he hasnt let himself grieve. he lets death hang over him and follow him instead of pushing back#also guess which one of the awakening trio in fates has the canonical story death. just by the way lmao#anyways bc im writing this in the tags on my phone i cant actually see what the hell ive been saying im j stream of consciousnessing this#but my point is that inigo has a weird fixation on death and dying that stems from his inability to make peace with death and grieve#and i think him idolizing death in this support (this BRILLIANT fan support that made me ill) is so in character and so lovely#i miss him so bad (hes literally in the photos im posting) grghhhrgah#i wuv him :(
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why do all my dads play guitar
#do i have a type???#[fakeman redacted]. ricky. lyle. is a pattern forming here?#theres probably more but im dumb#i dont know just a thought#sometimes i wonder if i should go full on chaser like kitty used to#like im being serious im already such a bad person would it really kill me to start searching for if [redacted] has a kin community#surely not but maybe because in a video [redacted] mentioned it mockingly? like because hes old hehe so its gotta exist#maybe they got chased off the internet... maybe i should ask my papa to build me one...#too forward? too cringe? i always thought it was before but desperate times call for desperate measures#i act like this is a personal journal and nota place other people can access#who even cares. im the king of sunk cost fallacy#anyways maybe someday ill get the courage to be that much of a degen to my own padres face but for now ill just vaguepost it in tumblr tags#and wish i wasnt the worlds most shame filled failure because being so shameful takes the fun out of the indulgence#lulah yaps
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killing people who don’t get an animals consent before touching them &/or ignore when animals are visibly uncomfortable with being touched.
#MOTHERS FRIEND DOING THIS WITH OUR CAT RN IM PISSED.#SHE DIDNT EVEN GIVE TOFU ANY TIME TO SNIFF OR ANYTHING??#Sigh.#tofu came downstairs to see what was up bc person was in the house#But person just immediately started petting her#even tho tofu was visibly uncomfortable and clearly just wanted a sniff test or sm#went to my room asap after that and tofu followed quick on my heels#obvs I let her sniff as much as she wants before petting her (if she even wants fuss) so she had a sniff and very much seemed to want fuss#so I gave her a few strokes and then sorta checked in and she swirled around and bumped her head into my hand (all the while her tail was#pointed straight up with the tip quivering a little every few moments - a sign of happiness/excitement to see a familiar person)#so we had cuddles for a bit until she hopped off my chest to go get water or sm :3#BUT I DONT GET WHY MORE PEOPLE DONT HAVE SIMPLE WHOLESOME INTERACTION WITH THEIR CAT LIKE THIS??#LIKE. CATS ARE SENTIENT. THEY SEEK AUTONOMY - ESPECIALLY BODILY AUTONOMY. WHY TF WOULD YOU NOT LET THEM GIVE/DENY CONSENT??#like. if you aren’t willing to learn enough about an animal to understand when it’s unhappy at the very least *why* would you interact with#one?? (This person literally has a cat as well.)#idk man these are the same sorts of people that’d probably do the ‘awww just give me a hug! I’m your auntie(/whatever)! why can’t i have a#hug? 🥺’ sorta thing.. like. BRO. It isn’t my/the cat ‘s fucking job to regulate/look after your own grown ass feelings.#SIGH..#just. The fact this person has like.. met tofu once. Lived in the same house as her for maybe 4/5 days one time and thinks the cat is#obligated to put up with her or whatever.#(This is how I imagine people be acting around cats when they’re like ‘idk man cats just don’t like me! Cats are just independent by nature#I’m just stood there having to listen to them shit talk a whole species bc they don’t understand consent (or at least don’t universally#value it - eg; with children; with animals) ANYWAYS. CATS ARE A SOCIAL SPECIES WHO HAVE DEVELOPED TO LIVE CLOSELY WITH AND DEPEND ON HUMANS#THEYRE OFTEN VERY AFFECTIONATE AND LOVING AND FORM LASTING RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR HUMANS AND WILL MOURN THEIR DEATH PROBABLY MORE THAN#HALF OF THE HUMANS WHO ATTENDED THEIR FUNERAL.)#If tofu doesn’t like you I don’t like you mate. I am wholeheartedly willing to cut people off if they act wrong with my cat - like - BRO.#IVE KNOWN HER LONGER THAN I HAVE MOST OTHER PPL IN MY LIFE. SHES GOT ME THROUGH WORSE AND IS ALWAYS HAPPY N EXCITED TO SEE ME.#That cat has done more for me than you ever have! She loves me with her whole fucking soul and I her with mine. If she picks up the wrong#vibes from you/you break any of her clearly set boundaries we are DONE.#(Obvs /nbh - nobody here. & generally lighthearted but uhh yeah needed to rant abt this bc I care strongly abt it and other ppl should too)
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Okay so. I am playing In Stars and Time, and I'm on the first loop of Act 4. I've got a major theory I've been cooking up for a while, so I decided to share it!! (Mostly for me to look back on, but also just because it's fun to share my excitement with other people lol)
This theory is about who "Loop" really is. Spoilers for up to Act 4
My theory is: Loop and Sif are "the same person" (alternate versions of the same person……?)
At the start of the game, while talking about pronouns, they first asked us to use "the royal We". Very curious choice
When asked if they were a star, Loop said they were "more like a mirror. It's more fun to reflect!! Being the real thing would be tiring!!" They could mean they are 'reflecting' the stars (like, with their appearance), but with the way they worded that, it wouldn't really make sense. It would make more sense if they were a 'mirror' of Sif, instead. Who they even refer to as "stardust"
Even if they try to be coy or playful about it, they seem to share a lot of Sif's feelings and thoughts on things
Even though they help Sif out and seem to care about their suffering to some extent, they're often harshly critical, demeaning….. even a little cruel. While they dress it up like it's 'playful', it's similar to the way Sif is critical of/cruel to themself.
They already knew a ton about Sif, and when asked by Sif if they've met, Loop says this is the first time he's met them, but that they "already know Sif".
When Loop asked what Sif's theory was for who they are, I chose "me", and Loop got surprised before just, laughing and laughing, basically refusing to answer
I "spent a loop" with them, and they told Sif that they had been through a similar scenario of being trapped in a situation, trying over and over and over again to get out, getting their hopes up only to have it all repeatedly crushed…… they didn't give any concrete details, but……….
Then the real kicker and what made me make this post. I just entered the mysterious locked room on Floor 3, and there is a diary here about someone who desperately wanted to make a copy of themselves, so they could have someone to finally share in their suffering and understand them. The way they spoke about what they were going through sounded SO much like how poor Sif talks about the time loops in his head, and he's even thought about how he wishes he could have someone who understands and feels his pain. And, at the end of the diary, the writer said they discovered how to use Wish Craft to make their wish come true. Sif already knows Wish Craft and has been using it the whole game, he just didn't know it.
ALSO, the room that diary is found in has a ton of star/Universe related things in it, and the only characters with a direct connection to stars in the game are Sif, the King, and Loop
The one thing that trips me up about it is just how different Loop acts to Sif, y'know……. they definitely don't Feel like the same person. And while you could say Loop is acting (which, they definitely are on some level), let's be real, Sif is not a great actor. They're trying their best, but the only reason they're getting away with it is because the party is so accommodating and don't want to push them, and they're mostly trying to act like their old self, before the loops. Loop acts VERY different, and if it was all put-on….. that would be pretty remarkable.
But, well, we have no idea yet how much Loop has been through. Or for how long.
I'm wondering, if my theory is correct, if Loop was like, the "original", trapped in the loops completely alone with NO ONE to talk to, for god knows how long, until they started to break down so badly they felt the only solution to their pain was to "split", become a different "them"……. a Reflection. The guide and confidant they had desperately longed for.
"I'm more like a mirror. It's more fun to reflect, being the real thing would be tiring"…………..
------
Wait, one more note. Reading that diary gave me SUCH strong "plural" vibes, the way it was talked about, how it would be a way of coping with suffering......... and y'know what's funny? When Loop introduced themself and said to call them by "the royal We", my very first thought was, "I wonder if they're plural.......?"
The royal we is technically 'singular', and it could have just been them acting kind of haughty and above it all (as the royal We was mostly used by monarchs I think)........ but it sure made me wonder. lol
#remi plays isat#isat#(decided to add a main tag so people whove finished the game can laugh at me if im wrong LMAO)#there's also probably some other evidence i forgot. but thats what i remember for now#been a long time since i shared thoughts/a theory like this#i did it for Remember11 and VLR and it is still so fun to go back and look at those posts. so i really wanted to do it again#anyways. i could absolutely be wrong about all this obviously and there IS one more thing i have in mind#that might complicate things#but i JUST started Act 4 so maybe i should let my thoughts simmer a little more#edit: finished the game. im a fucking genius#(OKAY NOT REALLY it probably wasnt that hard to figure out but IM PROUD OKAY)
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Gear 5 luffy's laugh is so contagious I just hear the drums and go insane how does this work. What did he do to me
#i still cant believe how much this new opening theme goes off.... DREAM SAVE ALL OF US 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH 💥💥💥💥💥💥#wait a second. the robot attacked 200 years ago. the void century was 800 years ago no????? what#oh see it was made 900 years ago.... but why did it attack 200 years ago then.... what happened#it is still so funny how they made evegapunk einstein but with some cunty long legs#200 years ago they gave rights to the gyojin!!! i see i see ✍️✍️also i still wonder why law and kuma have similar hat and pants designs#like there is NO WAY that much similarity isnt done on purpose. NO FUCKING WAY!!! I NEED ANSWERS!!!#are they annihliating cp ships akdhakskd yeah vegapunk letsgo#also the opening song is about dreams and the end one is about luffy reaching shanks...... havent got a clue why but there it is#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1098#also is lucci named lucci bc it kinda sounds like luffy. SERAPHIM KUMA HAS HIS DEVIL FRUIT???? vegapunk could only make zoan fruits????#also wdym when cp0 acts it means its some historic event. lucci is like 25. where are the experienced people here#sentomaru works for vegapunk??? maybe i forgor about this tbh also do theu have a doffy seraphim??? the fact they have animal names....#stussy letting kaku get hurt akdhsjsn oh atlas has lamb ears..... and lucci said she is is prey... no..... the foresahdowing :(#lucci you fucked up she just gave luffy food... that a death sentence look what happened to kaido#episode 1099#<- oh my god btw. god. jesus.#why is akainu telling the cp0 what to do or thinks he can do that... thats the world gov... also thinkng about how garp should fight him#and not luffy.... because of ace you know... i still wonder how did sengoku know who ace's father was... there is only one man who knew....#everyone trying to stop them from fighting ajdhsksjks two rabid dogs fr#LUFFY TAKING OFF HIS JACKET WHEN LUCCI ASKS FOR HIS WANTED SIGN!!!! GO OFF KING!!!! SLAY!!! THE CREW SAW HIM!!! FINALLY!!!#i have been smiling since he started the transformation this is so sick...... i have got a case of the luffy brain#zoan fruits steal the personality of the user when they awaken ✍️✍️ luffy???? nami being the only one who saw gear 5 <3 twins manifesto#robin being so shook about luffy being a god ajdbjansk wdym devil fruits exist because people wish for them. fairy magic real????#WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ARE FROM ALTERNATE REALITIES WHERE SOMEONE DREAMT ABOUT THEM??? DOES HE TRAVEL THRU REALITIES FOR THEM???#jinbe has been making this face 😧 every episode three times it is amazing ajdhaksnsk poor man... now he sees a kid angel version of himself#after seeing hia captain turn into a god... he is gonna get a stroke OMG SENTOMARU WE JUST GOT YOU BACK#episode 1100#<- CRAZY. INSANE. OH GOD. ONLY 12 LEFT. THATS A WEEKEND!!! I CANT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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OH god, sooo many kellin fics. Most were on wattpad honestly.
A lot of them all blur together (also a few kellic fics yikes), but I specifically remember one with an OC? Like kellin cheated on his wife with her and she nearly died or something? Classic wattpad and shitty summary but IT WAS SO GOOD. I think the girl's name was Brooke or Brooklyn. (also keep in mind this was 2012? 2013? wattpad. so... maybe not good by our current day standards but back then it was AMAZING). I can't remember the name but if you want it I would be willing to go on the deep dive for you 👀
SAY FUCKING SIKE RIGHT NOW.
you don't need to deep dive for the fic. her name was brooklyn mackenzie or some stupid shit, the fic's name is 'The Secret Affair', and it's going to haunt me until the day i die because i wrote it at 13 years old.
congratulations, nonnie. you can officially say you are one of the og readers of my fics. i certainly hope my writing has improved this last decade.
(unless there was another popular kellin fic with the exact same plot as mine. in that case, this is embarrassing).
#it is one of the worst things i have ever written. and the fact that you read it. and now you read what i write now (i assume? maybe not)#this is the funniest thing but also the craziest thing#fucking digital footprint is fucking WILD#im losing my mind#it was my one and only time of writing rpf#i literally got contacted about having it published and said 'fuck no'#i need you to come off anon#i need more details#did you read it before i 'edited' it?#did you read it when chapter 3 said some insane shit like sex took 3 hours? (not including foreplay. just. the act of p in v)#were you there for the controversy of someone stealing that god awful smut?#and me having to start saying 'don't steal my stuff pls'#I HAVE QUESTIONS NONNIE#you don't have to come off anon if you don't want but my dms are open right now and im giving you puppy dog eyes#don't be embarrassed. i wrote it. im the one who should be embarrassed.#this is. fucking wild. im stunned. im speechless.#im mortified#for me not for you#it doesn't even have that many reads in hindsight#the chances of this happening??? JESUS
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finally got around to watching the final act of arcane season 2.
not going to sugarcoat it. they ruined it.
#digi discusses#i try to be gentle and take time if i feel tepid about the way something wraps up#but there is no doubt in my mind that no time in the world is going to help me come around to that conclusion.#should have expected as much from a show based of of league of fucking legends.#shouldn't have made the first season so good then.#don't know if most people liked it so maybe i am starting a fire with this but jesus christ#*based off of#act one started off so good. i even liked the alternate timeline episode at the beginning of act three.#but the rest was just...a complete mess.
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idk if anyone has been keeping up with the #blockout2024 movement where people are blocking celebrities or influencers that have talked about the genocide and people have been making their lists of who to block on social media and today bisan posted about it on her story it was lists and bts was right there (blackpink too) but i am mentioning bts because some armys took it upon themselves to harass her on instagram and dm her about it like... these people's arrogance is crazy. this woman is going through a genocide right now, she has been displaced multiple times and is asking you to take action for palestine and you go out of your way to harass her because she put your oppas on that list and she is valid for it! bts and blackpink, being the biggest kpop boy group and girl group respectfully, should be saying something like OF COURSE THEY ARE GONNA BE THERE and tbh every kpop group should be on these people's lists because they can go on with their lives like nothing is happening and i'm sorry if this offends you personally but if it does offend you, you have a problem you need to fix like??
#the way these fans reacted unfortunately did not surprise me in any way#because i've been seeing them going at palestinian fans for MONTHS#about the boycott#and also being racist and harassing them suspending their accs and shit#unfortunately i wish i could say this was surprising BUT IT'S NOT#and i'm sorry as a collective we need to hold these people accountable#no matter how many excuses we wanna make#the truth is people are dying and they think they can go through this whole thing#without being called out which is not true#this movement started and i immediately knew kpop groups should also be included#and i know there might be a myriad of reasons why they aren't saying anything#one of the reasons is that these companies work closely with zionists#so naturally they maybe stop them#but that is not an excuse like#we need to stop acting dense here and take this shit seriously tbh#tris.txt
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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beaut 🐎 🍂
#new car!! but I’m mourning my old one#I’ve cried twice about it pls#sentimental to a fucking fault#everyone should start out with a used little car with a cd player she was so beat up but so loved#cars been there for the last six years through so many moments#happy and sad and tears loss and laughter#she held up and protected us through so much#so many deep talks and star watching and laughter in that car#so much damn food eaten in there (and spilled)#bared witness to a lot but she needed more work than I could do and it was time#I would’ve made my friend take her if I knew I would be this sad about it#it’ll get easier though just feels like a loss of a friend right now#they said she was going to auction not destroyed so maybe she'll be someone else's first car#new babe is badass she’s so beautiful#will fill her with memories too#she can’t ever replace her but I love her already and I’m excited for all the adventures we’ll see together#right in time for fall too#have to decorate her and put love into her like the other#idk how to act with a brand new car my other one had like 125000 miles like huh!#my radio didn’t even work (again)#| miss her little crusty ass!!!!!#here's to a new season though of change and growth and feeling safe out there 🖤🧿#(almost got a green one but it wasn’t the right shade in the sun) but she was pretttty#saw the most delicious green one with big olllll tires maybe in the future
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I was rewatching mouthwashing, and I ended up thinking of the different reactions that Curly and Jimmy had in doing their tasks. How during the scene of Anya evaluating Jimmy and showing dread towards the idea of doing his evaluation, Curly was the one that offered to take it off her hands. He had no issue with adding more to his plate, because he knew - or well, thought, he knew that Jimmy wasn't going to "bullshit" with him since he's known him for a long time. When Anya hands Curly a note from Swansea, Curly goes to check out what the issue is and he takes care of it without a complaint, the only "complaint" he has is how this incident could have damaged the pods. Which is reasonable, those pods are their only way to be saved if anything tragic happens on the ship. However, in comparison to Jimmy being asked to do things, he's passive-aggressive about it. When Anya asks Jimmy if he could help her out with Curly's painkillers, he tells her that people should be worth their titles, specifically using her title as a nurse when she asked him for help and then when she says forget it, since he made her feel insecure, he still goes "Oh no, I'LL take care of it" as if he was doing a chore, a favor for her. Then, there's that part where he blows up at her for things that she didn't even ask him to do - more so the others asked him about it, like the code scanner, him deciding he needed to find the axe for the foam, and then, there's the medicine part (which when she does ask, and she reconsiders - going to do it herself, he takes that away from her). Jimmy complains about the tasks he has to do and he treats it like a big issue, a "woes me" that he has to do this and that - wanting the praise of the capital without actually doing any work. While Curly doesn't complain about it, in fact, he even mentions that he's aware of how well he is doing at his job as a Captain during that cockpit scene with him and Jimmy. If Jimmy only had to do a small amount of tasks to get irritated and annoyed at being captain, while Curly didn't which I feel like encapsulates their personalities. Curly understands what he's doing is a job, it's a responsibility, why would he complain at any point for doing what he's suppose too? Why would he be upset at people asking him to do tasks? While Jimmy on the other hand, isn't used to it at all and it's different to what he's had before and he's realizing that he doesn't actually like doing the work he has too. I just wanted to ramble about it even if it seemed kind of obvious xd
It’s obvious but it is a thing people miss or understate when trying to find parallels in Curly’s and Jimmy’s relationship/personalities.
Like the way people portray it as neither taking responsibility when it is almost split down the middle of Curly taking responsibilities and faults that shouldn’t be his and making himself unequipped to handle the ones that are while Jimmy refuses to handle the responsibilities he has because he wasn’t expecting the work that comes with them.
Not a lot to say but people forget that another thing the game comments on is prioritization of issues and responsibilities and how the guys fail at it in one way or another in the situation.
#this talk of responsibility is more so about me be very annoyed with people acting like Swansea was the most responsible man on that ship#when he immediately takes a break after his intern in stuck in the foam starts drinking the moment he find out the mouthwash is alcoholic#doesn’t tell anyone about the cryopod or explain himself and did nothing about Jimmy either until it was too late#like I’m sorry but he is also the last guy I’d like to hear about responsibility from cause he did just as bad as Curly post crash like he#wasn’t even nice to Anya outside the one conversation we see he was actually just as rude to her as he was Daisuke when they cracked open#the crates and dismissive before hand like I’m getting more mad at the glorification of one guy vs the woman whose doing the most 4 herself#like I get his speech and the recognition of his faults but he still had them and they still were his downfall in the end and part of the#reason Daisuke listened to Jimmy and it’s not his fault that happened but it’s the same way it’s not Curly’s fault Jimmy is like that#but I digress cause people don’t exactly like when we actually discuss the responsibilities the crew mates should’ve and shouldn’t have had#or what they actually did to help cause idk Anya likely would not feel supported by any of them after the fact if they survived like girl#only ever got attention for her problems when they were literally at the worst that’s not helping or taking responsibility like she had to#kill herself to feel some sort of relief also the irony about Curly’s concern about killing herself only#for it to get to the point she actually did because there was no safety for her they all failed her#Swansea would’ve just told her to tell the captain and he’d watch Jimmy and ultimately it would play out the same cause he’s tries to not#get to involved cause he’s old and been through enough already and she’d feel just as unheard like he was closer to Daisuke#and not once after the crash did he really try to steer him away from liking Jimmy which again he points out himself#like I love Swansea and Daisuke but they were just as complacent in Anya’s suffering and Jimmy’s behavior even if they knew less that should#not make them more viable options or it more excusable like crazy conclusions to comes to ig on my part but yall hate#the idea that maybe a major point is that Anya was alone as a woman and overlooked#mouthwashing#ask#mouthwashing game#anon#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing
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I have no idea what possessed Anne Rice to write Interview With the Vampire literally as an interview and taking place entirely as a conversation between two people in a room complete with dialogue quotation marks around the entire thing, but it's both so funny and also oddly charming to me hahaha
#like i dont think she ever stuck to that format again even though all of them are like#the confessions of the titular vampire character telling their life story to someone#but it's just so funny idk why like you'd think that would be maybe something you'd start out doing in the first draft#and then quickly realize ok maybe i should just make it a first person pov with them writing their memoirs or something#but idk at the same time i like that about it#and how that interviewer gets worked into the story later on#and honestly i guess it IS more in character that Louis would only do that if someone bugged him to like#as much as i love him he's one of the most passive characters ever#always being acted upon rarely doing anything of his own accord#which is why lestat makes a more fun central character than him for the later stuff#way way more proactive and excited to be there and stuff#p#vmpcs
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i have my benefits of not being out as trans (which is. only one really but it is not being harassed because i dont attract attention) but it fucks with my sense of self
#i am genderless. i am some sort of man. i am a girl that wants/tries on a costume so she can play as a most minimal pastiche of a man#i am nothing and i am agender#i am a liar that lies about being a woman. i am still a woman when strangers perceive me as anything but (something that i want from them)#i almost feel like i prove terf's point about “poor confused girls” just by existing.#i know this is not true but holly shit actually expressing myself in the way i wouldv've wanted physically would've fucking helped#which admittedly. i dont even try with it nowadays. as much as i want it and perhaps maybe need it it feels hopeless to try#and its not even just physical part. i just dont know how to describe it#i should not just give up on it because some motherfuckers above just fuck shit up and sometimes specifically target people like me.#i should resist. and yet#the binary gender mixing with a feeling that i lie forever and ever (whish is admittedly big bc i usually dont feel bad about act of lying)#i see posts that are akin to “trans person / people please dont kill yourself we need you/you all”#and i just keep thinking why. whats the point. is it a much of a loss really if some One Random trans kills itself#or i should just rot until a day. an opportunity when i can finally make myself#and the obvious answer is that i Should work for that day to come. i in fact stoked to start hrt i am not afraid of transition#but with stuff just stacked against it. what the point#i cant in good conscious call myself trans just even in general at this rate tbh#mauv's meowing
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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