#maybe i should have played m's route first

[paradivis]

im really trying to enjoy twc book 3 but im failing miserably. this kinda feels like eating really bland soup after being promised the best sukiyaki this side of the hemisphere.

maybe i’ve just outgrown the dark & broody love interests but adam is reeeeally grinding my gears and the fact that he treats my detective so poorly and she completely forgets about it on the next page makes everything worse lol i wish i had the emotional maturity to completely brush off a silly man that’s been leading me on for months and the memory of a goldfish to forget all the silly shit he puts me through but alas i am the epitome of a petty bitch and atp every time adam stares very longingly at my mc i just want her to flip him off with both hands

[talkdutchtome]

"Let me take care of you" - Max Verstappen

pairing . . . max verstappen x reader )

genre . . . smut )

summary . . . after a disastrous race, you take care of max the best way you know how )

warning . . . smut, 18+ MINORS DNI, oral (m receiving), p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, nipple play, use of petnames, sub!max, very soft dom!reader, traumatized maxie, not proofread )

word count . . . 2800 words )

a/n . . . this actually ended up a lot more emotional than i intended it to be but i hope everyone likes it anyway. i don't know if my smut writing is getting better or worse tbh. any and all feedback is always appricated <3 )

Max was a perfectionist; anyone could see that. He also had a desire to win like nobody else. He never let up. It didn’t matter to him if it was a title deciding race or a completely meaningless one, he needed to win. It had been instilled in him for as long as he could remember; second place is first loser after all. So naturally, when his brakes failed, and his car very literally caught fire in the Australian Grand Prix causing him to have to retire three laps into the race; you knew he was not going to take it well.  

You were watching along in the garage, and the only thing you could think about as his smoking car pulled up to the pits was how hard on himself he was going to be. The fact that it was through no fault of his own was irrelevant. He had just handed a win to Ferrari, and that made his blood boil.  

In typical Max fashion, you barely saw him after he retired too. He gave you a quick hug as he reached the garage but after that it was straight back to business. He made his way to the pit wall and immediately began discussing with Christian and GP what exactly happened and how do they fix it for Japan. He sent you a text that he was going to stay late at the track with the mechanics so that you should just head back to the hotel.  

Truthfully, Max was avoiding you. You had only been dating Max for a couple of months, and so far you had only seen him dominate on track. And whilst you were concerned that that he would be beating himself up for disappointing himself or the team, he was busy focusing on how he had disappointed you. You had taken time out of your busy university schedule to travel to the other side of the world to see him race, and he had to retire three laps in. He was used to people living through him, taking his wins as theirs. He had never considered that all you cared about that he was safe and didn’t get hurt.  

So, you went to the hotel and waited for him; or at least you tried to. Tiredness and jet lag eventually started to catch up to you, and you had just started to drift off to sleep when you heard the door open. Looking up greet Max, you could see immediately how heavy the weight he bore on his shoulders hung.  

“Hey baby, how are you feeling?” You asked him sleep in your voice still evident. Max just hung his head and walked into the bathroom. He half expected you to berate him. To question him on exactly what went wrong and what he’s going to do to fix it.  

“Maxie?” You asked again, as he came in from the bathroom and made his way to his side of the bed, his eyes routed to the floor. This time he just grunted at you in response before getting into bed and turning away from you. He did not have the energy to be told everything he did wrong and why - he had already had that from his dad.  

“Please talk to me Maxie, I’m worried.” You pleaded at him, fighting the urge to wrap your arms around him. You wanted that more than anything, but you sensed that he maybe didn’t feel the same.  

“What do you want Y/N?” He finally spoke, his voice cracking.  

“Are you okay? I know that was tough result to take but it’s only once race. We both know you’ll be back better than ever for the next one.”  

To your words, Max just grunted again. And this time you couldn’t help but reach over to hold him. Wrapping one of your arms around his waist and the other coming up to brush through his hair. You waited cautiously for him to pull away. A moment passed and he began to move, your heart sank; he clearly didn’t want to be anywhere near you right now. But instead of moving away, he just turned around, bringing himself closer to you, resting his head on your chest.  

“I just hate to let the team down” he spoke, his voice no more than a whisper, like he wasn’t 100% convinced if he should be saying anything.  

“But baby you didn’t let them down, you did nothing wrong. There was an issue with the car that isn’t your fault.” You gazed down at his face, your hands smoothing through his hair.  

“I could have done something. Maybe I pushed the brakes too much. Maybe I went too hard. All I know is that I let the team down. I let my dad down. I let you down. You cam-“ He started to ramble, but you had heard enough.   

“Whoa Max baby slow down. I can’t speak for the team or your dad, but you certainly did not let me down. All that matters to me is that you didn’t get hurt. I was so worried; you were literally driving a car that was on fire. You could have been hurt.”  

As the words left your mouth, he looked up at you. Almost as if he was trying to see if you were telling the truth. When his eyes met yours and he realized you were being sincere, he hugged tighter into you.  

“I love you Y/N” he spoke and before you could say anything, you felt him bring his mouth to your neck. Leaving hot open-mouthed kisses from your collarbone up to until he met your mouth. His lips crashed against yours. The kiss was hungry and desperate. His hands found your hair and his teeth nipped at your lips. He quickly found himself getting lost in you and you weren’t too far behind. But when his hands wandered towards the bottom of your pajama top, you had to pull away.  

“Wait, Maxie. Are you sure you want to do this? You’ve had a rough day, are you sure you want to do this. We could just go to sleep if you’d prefer.” You didn’t want him to feel like this was something he needed to do.  

But when his lips once again found your neck, it was clear you had your answer. “Please” he mumbled against your skin “I just want to forget” between each word he left a kiss on your neck, before beginning to nibble against that one spot on your neck that he knew always sent you completely insane. He left deep purple marks all down your neck and you couldn’t help but let a moan slip through your lips.  

You were about to completely cave into his touch before you had an idea, and before you could overthink whether it was a good idea, you swung your legs over him until you had him pinned underneath you, your legs either side of his. A smirk plastered across your face 

Max looked completely taken aback at your action, but the second you leant down to kiss him, your lips just slightly brushing against his; he was starstruck and could feel himself growing harder by the second, which only deepened your smirk.  

“Let me take care of you baby” you whispered in his ear before beginning to grind your core against him. The whimper that left Max’s lips took you both by surprise but, taking that as confirmation that he wanted you to take control; you attached your lips to his neck, trailing kisses down his chest until you reached the waistband of his underwear. It was clear from the way that his hard dick strained against the cloth that Max was enjoying this new side of you, and you could be lying if you said it didn’t give you a bit of a confidence boost. 

You started to tease him, placing warm kisses over his underwear, but when you hear him try and fail to beg you to touch him, it becomes clear that maybe today isn’t the day to tease him. So, you hook your fingers around his waistband and release him from the tight confines of the cloth. Immediately, your mouth found his cock, your lips wrapping around his tip. Max’s moans filled the air as he came apart like putty in your hands. The way that your tongue swirled around him made him go crazy. He reached out his hands to grab your hair in a makeshift pony, but you dodged him. Max honestly thought he was going to cry when you took your mouth off him. 

“No baby, I told you I was going to take care of you, you just sit back and let me do everything” you told him before quickly placing a kiss on his lips before reattaching your mouth to Max’s throbbing dick and bringing your hand to the part of it that you couldn’t fit in your mouth. Max felt lightheaded; it’s not like you hadn’t given him a blowjob before, but never like this. He couldn’t ever remember being this turned on before. He had never even considered letting you take control, letting you take care of him so intently before; but now that he was experiencing it – he kicked himself for waiting so long. 

The sounds coming from your boyfriend were music to your ears and only encouraged you to make him feel better and better. You could feel yourself getting wetter, completely desperate to feel him inside of you; but today was about Max, you’d happily wait longer for your own pleasure to take care of him. You began taking him deeper and deeper into your throat, earning more moans from Max. You had never heard him be so vocal before. Things got even better for him when you hallowed your cheeks and brought your hand up to his balls, massaging them in your hands as you worked his dick in your mouth.   When his tip hit the very back of your throat and you gagged around him, he was so loud you were just slightly concerned that whoever was in the room next door would be up for a rude awakening.  

“Oh, fuck baby, oh my god. I’m so close” Max just about managed to get out between moans, promoting you to once again let go of his dick. For a second Max looked at you with puppy dog eyes, silently begging you to take him back in your mouth. But as soon as you stood up and very slowly pulled your pajama shorts down, he realized that there were better things to come.  

“Do you want me to ride you, Maxie?” you asked him breathlessly earning another groan from the man lying on the bed. 

“Fuck, yes. Please please ride me I need to be inside of you more than anything” Max’s voice was weak; it was becoming all too much for him. And when you finally rid yourself of your pajama top, Max started to see stars. Your tits were his weakness, and you knew that all too well. All he wanted was to take them in his mouth, to suck and bite on your nipples. So, when you straddled him once again, that's exactly what he did. You thought about stopping him again, reminding him that tonight was about him and his pleasure; but when you caught sight of his eyes – usually so bright and sparkling. Now they were so dark, so filled with lust and desperation, you didn’t have the heart to deprive him of one of his favorite things to do.  

You leant down to kiss him again, and the taste of his own precum on your tongue made him groan feverishly against your lips. Unable to wait anymore, you finally lowered yourself onto his dick. Now it was your turn to let out a string of moans and profanity. The way that he stretched you out was a feeling that you could never grow old of. After a beat to get used to having him inside of you, you began to bounce on top of him, pumping his dick in and out of your tight desperate pussy.  

“Oh my god Maxie you feel so good, your huge dick sends me so crazy” You moan out, completely cock drunk. “You fuck me so good, god nobody makes me feel like you can” Your praise made Max moan louder than ever and then he simply couldn’t help himself anymore; he brought his hands up to your hips and began thrusting hard into you. You wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him to let you take care of him – but when he rammed his cock into g-spot you physically couldn’t ask him to stop doing something that felt so good.  

“I love you so much Y/N baby” Max croaked out, bringing his mouth back to your tits and his hand down to your clit. Him touching you for the first time tonight meant it was now time for you to see stars. His expert hands rubbing against your clit brought you closer and closer to release and you could tell from the way that Max’s thrusts became deeper and harder that he wasn’t far behind you. 

Wanting to finish what you had started; you placed your hands on his chest – signaling him to stop for a second. Max did so very reluctantly, but when you started to bounce on his dick again his eyes rolled back into his head. After each bounce you grinded yourself down on him, desperate to get him as deep as you possibly could. Your climax was getting closer and closer and soon you felt like you were ready to burst. 

“I’m going to cum on your dick okay baby? You just make me feel so good I can’t help myself.” you told the man beneath you breathlessly, prompting Max to resume rubbing circles into your clit. 

“Please do. Please cum all over my cock I need that so much” Max croaked out and with that you fell over the edge. A wave of pleasure washed over you and you screamed out for Max. It felt so good you thought you were going to pass out, completely taken over by the pleasure that Max’s hard dick had given you. For a few moments, you simply had to still yourself to let yourself recover. 

Once you had ridden out the last of your orgasm, you were ready to go again; ready to make Max feel as good as you possibly could. You began grinding down onto him, squeezing yourself against him. After feeling you cumming all over him, Max knew he wouldn’t need long before he was right behind you.  

“Fuck Y/N I’m really close, get off and I’ll finish in your mouth” Max just about got out between moans. When you didn’t get off and instead began bouncing faster and harder, Max really thought he might just die.  

“Cum inside of me Maxie please, I need your cum fucked so deep inside me”  

“Fuck really?” 

“Yeah, i need it so bad.” 

“Oh my god Y/N, you’ll be the fucking death of me” 

The second those words left his mouth, he fell apart. A string of profanity left his lips, and you could feel his dick pulse inside of you as he painted the insides of you white with his cum. Max couldn’t believe how good it felt, sex with you was always great but that was on another level, he couldn’t remember ever feeling that good before. 

“I love you so much Y/N” 

He gently slipped himself out of you and you collapsed next to him on the bed. Exhausted wasn’t the word for how tired you felt after that. And apparently that was true for Max as well as in the time that it took you to waddle to the toilet to clean yourself up, he had managed to fall asleep. You couldn’t blame him of course; even before that it had been a very long tiering day for him. So, as quietly as you could, you got ready for bed and slipped yourself into bed next to him.  

Looking at the very peaceful sleeping man next to you, you couldn’t help but snuggle down close to him. Placing a kiss on his temple before assuming the big spoon position that you know he loves so much from you. Your movement causing him to ever so slightly stir awake. 

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me” he spoke so softly you almost missed it before falling right back into a very peaceful sleep. You couldn’t help but feel so lucky to have a man like him cuddled close to you. 

“Sleep well Maxie, I love you more than anything.” 

[noyasmashing]

Love at First Light

Daichi x fem!reader

CW: Slightly dom!reader, fem reader, smoking, implied sex (no real smut)

A/N: Having some intense brainrot for Daichi liking someone who smokes,,, This is my first writing so lmk if you have any comments or criticism

He’s such a good boy. He doesn’t do drugs or drink, he gets good grades, and even plays volleyball, so why you? Ever since he saw you while on a run, leaning against an apartment building lazily smoking a cigarette his mind has been hazy.

After striking up a conversation, you handed him a cigarette with your number scrawled on it. Despite knowing he should focus on volleyball, he couldn't resist the temptation to text you. Harmless, he reasoned. He quickly discovered you were a third-year at Karasuno, just like him. Now during breaks between classes, he actively sought you out, whether to offer a piece of candy or simply to exchange greetings.

He made it a habit to encourage you to quit smoking, even going as far as bringing pamphlets highlighting the dangers of nicotine. Always armed with candy, he hoped it would serve as a healthier alternative. But when you unexpectedly pinned him against the wall and kissed him, the mingled scents of cigarettes and coffee only fueled his attraction further.

Daichi's breath came in ragged gasps as he darted through the deserted streets of Miyagi prefecture, his heart pounding with anticipation. The apartment building where you resided loomed ahead, a familiar landmark on his jogging route. It sort of became a routine for the two of you to meet when he jogged by.

As he drew closer, he spotted you in the alleyway, a half-smoked cigarette between your fingers. Knowing he was close, you squatted down and rubbed the lit cig into the exposed dirt.

As your ears caught the sound of his approaching footsteps, you rose from your squatting position, meeting his gaze as he stood before you, breathless and slightly flushed. A smile played at your lips as you greeted him, “I was hoping to see you here!” He smiled cheerfully, still being awkward as the day you two met.

"Caught me again," you remarked in a husky tone, teasingly crushing the remains of your cigarette underfoot. He chuckled at you remark shifting side to side nervously.

"Back at it with the cardio?" you quipped, your eyes trailing over his form appreciatively. His cheeks reddened further at your remark, stumbling over his words as he tried to maintain composure.

"M-maybe I just wanted an excuse to see you," he confessed, drawing nearer, his gaze lingering on the exposed skin of your legs. An impish grin tugged at your lips as you toyed with him, a hand drifting to his shoulder.

"Such a good boy," you murmured, relishing in the effect your words had on him. His attempt at maturity faltered as he reached out to adjust your skirt, a futile attempt to conceal the tempting expanse of soft skin.

An impish grin tugged at your lips as you toyed with him, “Are you trying to pull it off? In public?” Your teasing tone causing his blush to deepen. He tried to defend himself but the words died in his mouth when you looked at him like that,

"How about we head up to my place? You can continue your 'cardio' routine there," you suggested, guiding him with a knowing smile as he slowly caught on to your suggestive innuendo.

[rashoumon-homo]

No Such Tastes In Men pt.2 (Dazai x Reader)

Dazai x Male Reader, NSFW

-> Content Warnings: oral (m!reader receiving), dom/sub undertones, dom!reader

-> 1.4k words

NSFW CONTENT AHEAD - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

<- Previous Part

Author Note: This accidentally ended up being twice the length of the first one, oops

You expected that sucking Dazai off in an alleyway would make things weird between the two of you. You’d mentally prepared yourself for him to avoid you, but the next day things are… normal. Whenever you spot him on your usual spy routes, he looks fine; well-adjusted. Not at all like someone who’s in the midst of a sexuality crisis.

Maybe he really is straight after all.

After a week of uncomfortable normalcy, you’re beginning to wonder if you imagined the whole thing. Not only has Dazai not mentioned the incident at all, he gives every impression it’s not even on his mind. Your weekly one-on-one update meeting with him is in an hour and somehow you’re the one who’s nervous.

You’re too anxious to drink your usual coffee beforehand, so you decide to head to the meeting location early instead. This time it’s at an abandoned warehouse you haven’t been to before, so it’ll be good to scope out the spot anyway.

When you arrive, a whole 45 minutes early, you’re surprised to see Dazai sitting on a crate reading that book he carries everywhere with him.

When he hears you coming, he glances up, looking a little surprised. “You’re early.”

“So are you,” you say defensively.

He hops down from the crate and dusts himself off. “The mission I was on ended early and I had time to kill, so I thought I might as well wait here,” he explains, even though you didn’t ask. “Are you okay? You seem nervous.”

“M’not,” you insist, sidestepping him when he inches closer.

“You don’t need to be,” he presses further. “I don’t want things between us to be weird just because you sucked my dick once.”

Your heart skips a beat. “So you do remember it!”

Dazai flashes one of his flirty smiles at you. “Couldn’t stop thinking about it.” He leans back against the crates, arms crossed loosely over his chest. His gaze is on the rafters above, rather than your face as he continues. “I’d heard the myth that men give better blow jobs, since they’re more familiar with the equipment so to speak, but I admit I was surprised to find that it’s true. And when I think back on that night, I’m not just thinking about the feel of a mouth around me - I’m thinking about everything. Your hands on my thighs, the feeling of my fingers running through your hair… it’s YOUR mouth I’m turned on by.” Dazai rakes his fingers through his hair in frustration. “And I guess by extension, it’s you.”

His cheeks are pink when he fixes his gaze on you again. You’re playing with your hands nervously, running the pad of your thumb over your bitten nail beds. You feel like a deer in the headlights with him looking at you so intensely. There’s no doubt in your mind he can see your anxiety written on your face.

“So I decided,” he says, more softly, “I want to do it to you too.”

You gape at him. “Me?” you ask. “You want to… suck my dick?”

“Yeah,” he says casually. “Maybe I have more of a taste for it than I originally thought. And besides, I feel like I should pay you back somehow for all the orgasms you’ve given me.”

“Orgasms, plural?” you ask. You feel like your knees are gonna give out so you sit on one of the crates nearby.

Dazai smirks. “The one in the alley, and all the times I’ve jerked off to the memory of it.”

He moves to stand in front of you, slotting himself between your legs. He fiddles with the shoulder of your shirt and asks, “So, can I?”

You grip his forearms and gently push him to his knees in response. He looks up at you with those adorably eager eyes, obediently waiting for instructions.

“Ever given a blow job before?” you ask.

He shakes his head. “I’m a quick learner,” he offers.

You don’t doubt it. Your fingers trace along his jaw, pushing gently at his lower lip. “Open for me,” you say, pressing against the seam of his lips. He does, allowing you to slip your thumb inside. You feel along the ridges of his teeth, mapping out the inside of his mouth by touch. When you press lightly against his tongue, he pushes back against you.

“So good,” you murmur. You remove your thumb and replace it with your index and middle finger. You press along his tongue, further to the back of his mouth, until you hit his gag reflex and he makes a choking sound.

“You okay?” you ask, quickly taking out your fingers.

“I want the real thing,” Dazai whines when he recovers. “Stop teasing me!”

A brat, hmm? you think to yourself. You’ll be nice to him today, but if this arrangement continues, you’ll have fun breaking him.

“Take it out then,” you say, leaning back.

Dazai eagerly unbuttons your pants and takes your cock in his hand. He looks like he’s about to just go at it, but you stop him.

“Don’t try to deepthroat, okay?” you warn. “That’s too much for your first time. I want you to take your time learning how to use your tongue and your hand to make me feel good. I’ll give you tips here and there but for the most part you should be able to tell what’s working from my reactions. Got it?”

He nods. “Good boy,” you say quietly.

Dazai looks at the cock in his hand for a minute, running his thumb along the veins before gently stroking it. He tests out a couple different speeds, settling with a slow, firm pace when he notices how it makes your breathing go shallow. A bead of precum wells at the tip, which, after a second of hesitation, he laps up.

You laugh at the way he tries to hide his grossed-out expression. “Cum tastes better,” you assure him.

He licks your cockhead again, and this time takes it into his mouth. His eyes are trained on you as he runs his tongue over it. Your hips stutter when his tongue flicks over the slit. He sinks a little lower, but his hand has stilled completely.

“Try using them at the same time,” you groan, tapping on the back of his hand to remind him it’s still wrapped around your shaft.

Dazai resumes pumping you, now pairing it with little licks and bobs of his head. You groan, hand moving to stroke the back of his head.

“That’s it, just like that,” you sigh. “Think you can take me a little deeper?”

Dazai can’t nod, but he increases how much he takes into his mouth on the next bob. You know you’re probably right against his gag reflex now, so you’re careful not to push his head.

“Fuck, Dazai,” you moan. “Your mouth… so fucking good…”

You can see him palming himself through his pants out of the corner of your eye. He lets out a little whimper at your praise, and the vibration feels incredible.

“Ngh, gonna come soon,” you warn him. “Pull off… if you want… or you can keep going.”

Dazai doesn’t change his motions, and within a few seconds you’re spilling into his mouth. “Dazai…” you moan, abs clenching hard.

When the orgasm fades out, you carefully drag your softening cock out of his mouth. His mouth is still full of your cum, like he’s not sure what to do with it.

“You can swallow or spit, I won’t be offended,” you say quickly.

He thinks about it for a second, then spits it on the ground beside him. There’s a thoughtful look in his eye as he runs his tongue around the inside of his mouth, tasting you.

“It’s not bad,” he says finally.

You tuck yourself back into your pants. “You’re right that you’re a quick learner. That was pretty good.”

“Eh, it was just my first try. I know I’ll get better with practice.” A playful look makes its way across his face. “Wanna be my tutor?”

“More than anything,” you say with a smile. You raise an eyebrow. “Does this mean you do have a taste for men after all?”

Dazai pouts. “I have a taste for you,” he clarifies. “I’m not ready to label myself yet anyway.”

You nod knowingly. “I understand! There’s no rush.”

Before you get the chance to continue the conversation, your phone pings with a reminder.

“Time for our weekly meeting, apparently,” you say, grinning. “Shall we get to it?”

Dazai grins back and stands up. “Now, where were we?”

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[lowkeychenle]

Is It Over Now? [ZCL/PJS] (M)

Description: Your relationship with Chenle is nothing but fight after fight. Amidst the toxicity, infidelity comes into play--except you're determined to one up him...but is it ever truly over?

A/N: this is inspired by Taylor Swift's Is It Over Now? and I highly recommend listening to it because omg...but also...keep in mind this poll and this poll determined the trajectory of this fic LOL

Genre: Smut/Angst

Content Warnings: This is very dirty idk y'all i'msosorry...but basically content warnings are infidelity (both reader & chenle, explicit on reader's part), some very crazy arguments (there are no physical fights but these can be triggering), explicit, unprotected sex, orgasm denial, use of pet names: baby, pretty girl, slut, whore (once maybe), and any variation of those. Buckle up y'all, this one is kinda crazy. Also kinda open ended sawry

Word Count: 11,198

Taglist: @nominsgirl @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @chezziy

Pairing: Zhong Chenle x fem!Reader | Park Jisung x fem!Reader

Juliet's Masterlist | Tell me what you think? :)

You know exactly where everything went wrong.

It’s what led you to the current situation you’re in—on top of one of your boyfriend’s closest friends with his hands all over you. Anger burns in your bones, and if you were capable of it any longer, you’d be crushed to dust at this point.

The roll of your hips causes a curse to fall from Jisung’s mouth. He grips your ass, the rough fabric of your jeans catching on his nails. The man under you is just as pissed as you are, and some sick form of revenge clouds both of your brains. He sinks his teeth into your bottom and tugs. If you’d felt at all guilty when you started this, it’s long gone now.

At least you and Jisung won’t be caught together in public.

“He’s a fucking idiot,” Jisung hisses under his breath as you continue to grind on him.

You chuckle. “I know. It’s not the fucking first time either.”

He pulls away from you, eyebrows furrowed as he looks at you. The passion has all but melted from his face, but both of you are left panting.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he asks.

“I thought you knew.” The last thing you wanted was for this to be an emotional encounter, and if you let yourself think of how you trusted your boyfriend again after the first time he cheated, resentment will turn to pain. No. You fucking refuse.

“I would’ve told you,” Jisung continues, hand sliding up from your ass to the small of your back. “You really think I would’ve kept that from you?”

“All due respect, Jisung, but I’m not looking for a heart-to-heart right now.”

His jaw tightens, and the care resounds in his eyes, but he nods and reaches up to grip the back of your neck. He kisses you harder this time, his tongue dancing with yours as he starts unbuttoning your shirt. The fabric is silky against your skin, and feeling him so close to you has your fragmented heart racing in your chest and chills spiraling down your spine.

“Hurry up,” you tell him. “He’ll be home soon.”

In response, he tugs instead, and the remaining buttons pop open before he pushes your blouse off your shoulders. You have a clear view of the door this way, where you and Jisung sit at the edge of your bed. Climbing off his lap, you shuffle out of your jeans. You watch as Jisung takes his own off, the prominent bulge of his length straining against his boxers.

A swirl of doubt punches you in the gut, and for a moment, you’re winded. Does the hurt Chenle caused you justify this? Should you be choosing this route instead of just leaving?

“You can change your mind,” Jisung says, shuffling closer to the edge.

Snapping out of it, you shake your head and straddle his lap. His bottom lip is taken between his teeth as you grasp his length, freeing it from its confines. A haze takes over his eyes, his hips lifting into your fist.

You move your panties aside and line him up with your entrance. He inhales sharply.

“Fuck, hold on.” He grips your hips. “It might hurt if you don’t let me—”

“Promise you it can’t be any fucking worse than what I’m already going through.” You pause. “Condom? I’m clean and on birth control, so it’s up to you.”

“I’m clean, too.” He nods. “Raw is fine. Good.”

You laugh at the awkwardness, but begin your descent anyway. A moan gets caught in your throat as you struggle to fit him further. Your walls pulse around his cock, and an exhilarating adrenaline makes you feel higher than you’ve ever been. This life wasn’t what you imagined.

You never thought your boyfriend would be capable of sleeping with anyone else, and neither did you think you would be. Yet, here you are, following in Chenle’s footsteps. Jisung was probably a shitty move on your part. At least Chenle wasn’t fucking your friends, but you wanted to make sure he felt your pain—if he’ll even care at all.

Once he’s completely inside you, you grip onto his shoulders, your body trembling. To ease you, he reaches down and thumbs your clit. He kisses your neck, nudging one of your bra straps down your arm. You let out a sigh of pleasure, rolling your hips.

“Yeah, he’s fucking stupid.” Jisung hums into your skin, squeezing your ass. “You…fuck, you feel good.”

“Hope it was all worth it for him,” you mumble, slowly starting to lift your hips up.

He assists you in your pace, an arm around your waist to help. After a few moments, the awkward stretch becomes pleasure. You curse under your breath and pick up your pace, eyes rolling back as he thrusts up to match you.

Each movement of his is punctuated by short, low groans, and your entire being tingles from how deep he is inside you, how this is somehow a signal of your freedom. His tip presses against your cervix and you cry out.

Jisung slaps your ass, and the desperate tug inside you to speed up becomes too much to ignore. In your delirium, you almost miss Chenle standing in the doorway. Maybe you’re imagining it, but as you fuck yourself on Jisung’s cock, you stare right at him, a weak laugh escaping your lips.

You roughly tangle your fingers in Jisung’s hair—something you know drives Chenle crazy when you do it to him—and tug him up to kiss you, moving your hips faster. The other man’s presence just spurs you forward.

Jisung’s fingers connect with your clit again, and your broken moan and blurry vision almost make you miss the way Chenle’s jaw tightens. Your orgasm takes you by surprise, slamming you into a wall of pleasure as you spasm on top of Jisung. Right before your eyesight fails you completely, you see Chenle walk away.

Jisung spills inside you, coating your walls with white. You kiss him hard, panting as you lift yourself off him. He’s dazed, but eventually settles himself back in his boxers before getting up for his jeans. You redress, knowing full well Chenle’s waiting in the kitchen. It’ll most likely be an argument, but you can’t help the adrenaline flowing through your veins at the thought.

Jisung is still blissfully unaware Chenle’s in the house, so when he pulls you in for a kiss, you sigh. You grab his hand and lead him out of your bedroom, and the sight of the other man gripping the counter makes him freeze.

Chenle downs the rest of whatever’s in his cup—it’s safe to assume what the bronze liquid is as he swallows and cringes. He doesn’t look at either of you.

“You should go.” Glancing at Jisung, you catch the worried gleam in his gaze.

“Will you be okay?” he asks.

“The fuck does that mean?” Chenle snaps. “Get the fuck out, Jisung.”

“Call me if you need me.” Jisung hesitantly leaves your side, and once the door closes behind him, you slide your hands in the back pockets of your jeans.

“Really?” Chenle finally breaks the silence. “You could’ve picked anyone, and you fuck Jisung?”

“That’s what you’re mad about?” You snort and walk over to the fridge to grab a water bottle. Untwisting the cap, you turn back to Chenle, unaccustomed to his glare being directed at you. “What? It’s okay for you to fuck anyone you want, but when I do it, it’s wrong?”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t fuck anyone but you.”

“You really think I didn’t see that?” You shake your head, anger bubbling in the pit of your stomach. “There were pictures, you dumbass. And now I can’t even act like I’m ignorant. I can’t act like you love me anymore, Chenle. Be serious right now.”

“Oh, right, because being seen with a girl has to mean I’m fucking her, yeah?” He runs his fingers through his hair. “You’re just insecure, (Y/N), and I can’t fucking help you with that. Did you think fucking Jisung would make me want you more? May as well add crazy to the list, too.”

Under different circumstances, you know those words would kill you. They’d be like bullets fragmenting in your heart, but today? For some reason, everything shut off. You don’t want him anymore, and your irritation sparks at the base of your spine.

“You putting this on me is fucking hilarious.” Your voice is sharp, and you hope you return his bullets as knives.

“We’re fucked.” He pours more liquor into his glass, a scowl on his face as he downs it. “Are you kidding me? I make a mistake one time, and you go out of your way to screw my friend? Did you think you could hurt me or something?”

“Don’t know.” You shrug.

“The sooner you admit we were over long before I ever slept with anyone else, the easier it’ll be for both of us. You’re being a child by inviting Jisung over here.” His grip on the counter tightens.

And just like that, something inside you snaps.

“You did this, Chenle. You fucked up, you ruined everything, you are a piece of shit.” You jab your finger in his direction. “At least I had the decency not to get caught in public. You don’t even care at all. Not even a little bit. And it’s so fucking frustrating because I do everything for you.”

“Bullshit,” he says.

“Was it over when you brought that girl here? Was it? Because you cried and begged for me to stay. You said it was a mistake, and you’d never be able to love anyone the same way you love me. You really think it was over, Chenle? Then what the fuck are you still doing here?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You fucking did it again!” you yell, hands tugging at your hair. “You want me to be the bad guy so bad, but all of this is on you. The blame is on you. You’re the one that can’t keep it in your pants. What are you searching all these beds for, huh? You want something better than me?”

“Fuck,” he shouts, hand swiping across the counter.

Time slows as his palm comes in contact with his glass, as he sends it flying into the cabinet, as it shatters beneath his force. How fucking ironic you relate to it.

Your chest heaves, your heart twisting harshly. How did you get here? How did love turn into something so fucking awful, you can’t stand looking at him? The silence is deafening after the shards scatter onto the floor.

The visceral reaction you get surprises even you. You tilt your head back, your body shaking with laughter.

“You’re so pathetic.” Tears well in your eyes, but the laughs cause you to run out of air. You grip onto the counter. “I fucking hate you. I hate you.”

“(Y/N), I’m—”

“Sorry?” Another bout of giggles passes through your lips. “I don’t care. Don’t you get that now? I hate you and I don’t fucking care what you have to say.”

“Baby, don’t—”

“You said it was over, Chenle. Is it over now? Because I’m done…I’m so done, and I don’t want to look at you anymore. Get the fuck out of my house, and I never want to see you again. I fucking mean it.”

“I’m sorry. Please don’t do this. She didn’t mean anything, and I know Jisung doesn’t mean anything to you, either.” He steps closer to you, glass crunching beneath his feet.

“Should’ve thought about that before you did it again. Leave.” After a few moments of him standing there like a statue, you shout, “Get the fuck out!”

Your throat is raw from yelling, and you’re halfway certain he’s not going to listen to you. He doesn’t usually, but as bad as your fights have gotten, they haven’t quite been this bad. With thousands of emotions written across his face like poetry, he brushes his shirt off and storms past you, slamming the door behind him without one glance back.

Your heart pounds in your chest, each thump hurting more than the last. Nausea takes you by storm, and you’d collapse if you weren’t leaning on the counter for support. You don’t even know who to call. Nobody you know takes care of you better than Chenle does after moments like these, and as your shortness of breath takes over full swing, you turn and sink down to the floor.

But the first step to quitting a drug is to stop supplying it to your bloodstream. To feel the numb of the high seeping away while the pain comes rushing back.

The tears you refused to allow earlier pour down your cheeks, and you drop your head back against the cupboard. Glass gleams next to you, twinkling innocently in the light of your kitchen. Through your blurry vision, it’s almost beautiful—an array of lights in the darkness that plagues your home.

When you grab your phone, you don’t know who’s number you call. You press it to your ear and pray it’s not Chenle.

“(Y/N)?” Jisung’s voice filters through immediately, and it makes your body wrack with another sob.

“Are you far?” you ask, voice thick and warbled.

“Not at all,” he offers instantly. “Do you want me to come back?”

You close your eyes and sniffle. “Please.”

“Okay, I’ll be there in five minutes. Are you okay?” The hint of panic laced in his tone has new tears forming.

“Don’t know.” You wipe your face. “I don’t fucking know.”

However long it takes him to get there, you’re unsure. The next thing you recall, Jisung crouches in front of you, eyes wide with concern. Guilt sinks into your stomach and twists it around, and you look up at him like he’s the key to making you feel better.

“I’m so sorry,” you breathe out. “I’m sorry, Sungie, I don’t know why I did that to you. To him. I—”

“Hey, don’t worry about that right now.” His deep voice resonates in your chest, and it works to calm you slightly. He cups your cheeks and guides you up to make eye contact. “Are you hurt? There’s glass everywhere.”

You shake your head. “He wouldn’t.”

“There are a whole lot of things I thought he wouldn’t do. I have to make sure. Can you stand? Let’s get you away from all this.” He leads you to your feet, bringing you into your bedroom.

A few moments of silence pass as he helps you into your bed.

“Just get some rest, okay?” he whispers, his hands cupping your face.

“Where are you going?” you ask. “Don’t go, please.” You hold onto his wrist as if that’ll keep him with you.

“I’m just gonna clean up your kitchen,” he replies. “I won’t leave unless you want me to.”

You take a deep breath. “Can you stay for a few more minutes? I don’t wanna be alone right now.”

“Whatever you need. I’m here for you.”

You scoot over and glance at the spot next to you, and he obliges with your request. Both of you slide beneath the covers, and you turn to face him before burying your head in his chest. He cradles you closer to him, his warmth calming you slowly.

“Is this okay?” he murmurs.

His heart thumps erratically in his chest as he holds you, but the sound still manages to soothe you.

“Yeah,” you tell him, shuffling closer. “Thank you.”

He hums in response and presses his lips gently against your hairline. There are so many things wrong with your situation and your life, but for once, you feel a real equilibrium. Despite the pain wrenching away at your heart from the weight of Chenle’s absence, you find that all over again with Jisung’s firm grip on you.

Usually, when you and Chenle get into your arguments, the longest he goes without contacting you is two days. You’re now bordering on three and a half weeks, and the thought of him still makes you sick to your stomach. You haven’t heard a single word from him. Hell, you wouldn’t even know if he’s alive.

Jisung has become more of a rock than anything else. He’s equally as disappointed in Chenle as you are at this point, but he makes it a point to stay with you as much as he can. Today, for example, things are quiet. Peaceful. Your few weeks with Jisung have been so…different. You and Chenle couldn’t go more than a few days without an explosive argument, and now you haven’t raised your voice in all this time.

Jisung is soft. Kind, even. He shows you the side of himself you wish Chenle could’ve been before your relationship blew up into smithereens.

Your head rests on his shoulder, his fingers playing with your hair while his eyes are engrossed by the television screen in front of you. The lights are off, the sky is dark, but the gentle blues and greens illuminate the softness of his features.

“Sungie,” you whisper in an attempt to garner his attention.

He turns to you, his eyebrows raised. “Hm?”

“Why are you doing this for me?” you ask. “He’s your best friend.”

“He was.” Jisung nods. “And it sucks. But I’m not going to be friends with someone who treats people who love them like shit. You deserve so much more than that, (Y/N), really. He—what he did was fucked up.”

“I did it, too.” You shrug, fighting the way tears threaten to form in your eyes.

He wets his lips. “Yeah, but only after he did it twice.”

“That makes it okay?”

“No.” Jisung looks down at his lap, his hands fidgeting. “No, it doesn’t. But you were hurting and you retaliated in a way you thought would hurt him back. I would’ve done the same thing in your position.”

“You seriously had no idea what he was doing?” you ask.

“I didn’t have a fucking clue. He knows I would’ve told you immediately.” He sighs.

“Do you care about me?” You tilt your head at him, scanning over his face for any indication of annoyance. Anything that might tip you off that he’ll get angry with you.

He blinks once, a miniscule smile pulling at his mouth. “Of course, I do. I’d do anything for you.”

“Anything?”

He nods.

“Will you…will you kiss me?”

His jaw drops as he flounders for something to say. “That…”

“I’ll be honest with you, Sungie. My relationship with Chenle has been fucked for a really long time. I can’t remember the last time I meant it when I told him I loved him. But…I do. Love him. Miss him. It hurts like hell knowing he’s probably okay right now, with some other girl like I never mattered to him.” You inhale deeply, and your exhale shakes. “He’s all I’ve ever known. I just…want to make sure I can feel. That he didn’t get to keep all of that when he left.”

“And kissing me will do what?” He taps his fingers on his thighs. “What if it just makes you want him more?”

“I can’t. Going back to him is…I can’t do it again. But I need to know I can still function if he’s not the one…” you trail off, deflating entirely. “Nevermind. I’m sorry I asked, okay? I’m being ridiculous.”

You avoid his gaze entirely, staring off in the opposite direction. With Chenle, every touch, every kiss, every intimate moment was a direct result of something negative. It didn’t start that way, but it sure ended up there. Your mouths only met in anger after spewing hate at each other, and you’re not sure what a real, loving kiss feels like anymore.

Jisung reaches up and cups your cheek, directing your gaze back to his. His eyes dip down toward your lips, and your breath catches in your chest. It’s been so long since your heart has fluttered, but he makes it look so damn easy.

“You sure?”

The TV is long forgotten as you nod, your anticipation growing as he draws nearer. You forget to breathe, and once his lips brush yours, you gasp.

You close the last of the distance, the idea of being so close to him—to someone motivating you further. Kissing Jisung is worlds different from kissing Chenle. From the tenderness of his touch to the shape of his lips, not a single thing about him is reminiscent of Chenle. For some reason, disappointment weighs heavily on your chest.

But being with him is better than being alone, and you can’t deny the attraction being there. You remember the way he felt inside you, how he reached spots you didn’t know existed. You tangle your fingers in his hair, groaning against him.

“Jisung.” It comes out more as a whimper than anything else, and he freezes.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath.

Without another moment of hesitation, you throw your leg over his lap and straddle him, slowly sinking down until you feel him pressed against you. He grasps onto the back of your shirt.

“Are you thinking about it, too?” you ask, leaning in to kiss along his neck.

He gulps, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I probably shouldn’t be.”

“Why not?” You lean back, placing your hands on his shoulders. “Is this weird for you?”

“Um.” He grips your thigh tightly, lips parting as he tries to think of what to say. “Not because of him, if that’s what you mean.”

Your chest tightens at the mention of Chenle, even without his name. Jisung agreed to be with you once, and you’re not sure if he was fueled by any attraction to you at all.

“All I’m saying is that I don’t want to push you into something you’re not ready for. When I tell you I don’t want to hurt you, I mean it.” He pauses, analyzing you. “C’mon, you’ve gotta know I want you.”

He pulls you closer to him, and your breath hitches when you feel how hard he is.

“I want you. But I need to be sure it’s really me you want.”

Your heart sinks. “Now you mean Chenle.”

“It’s not a bad thing, (Y/N). I get it. You’ve been through a lot with him and you have a bond I might not understand. That’s fine. But if we’re going to start something, it can’t be when you’re confused.” He runs his thumb along your bottom lip, unashamed as he stares at your mouth.

“I’m not confused, Sungie.” You shake your head. “I don’t want him anymore. When I said I was done, I meant it.”

“It’s okay either way. You were with him for a long time. It’s normal to hurt over stuff like this.” Jisung gives you a small smile.

“If you don’t want to right now, we can stop,” you tell him. “But it’s you I want. I promise.”

His fingers weave into your hair, inching you nearer to him. Right before your mouths meet, his gaze meets yours.

“I hope you know how many good things you deserve,” he mutters.

And then he kisses you, the softness of it taking you off guard. You melt into him, and despite hating how you notice the difference between him and Chenle again, you realize you might like this more than what you had before. It’s been so long since the person who was supposed to love you actually cared.

When his tongue meets yours, you sigh and hold onto him. He gets lost in you, hands gripping your hips to guide you back and forth on top of him. Even through layers of clothing, you feel how hard he is.

When a knock sounds on your door, you resolve to ignore it. You don’t care about whatever or whoever’s out there if you have Jisung. He tries to pull away, but you whine.

“Ignore it,” you tell him, your mouth still against his. “Ignore it. Please don’t stop.”

As soon as he kisses you again, a louder rapping noise follows, and you groan, dropping your head on his shoulder.

“You want me to get it?” he asks.

You shake your head, grumbling as you slide off his lap. “I got it.”

Without another word, you ignore the dampness between your legs and head over to your door with one last glance over your shoulder at Jisung. When you open it and see who’s standing outside, you recoil hard.

“What the hell are you doing here?” You’re not sure why you’re even entertaining this at all. Chenle stands before you, his eyebrows pinched together as he formulates his response. As to not alert Jisung of his presence, you keep your voice down.

“It’s been weeks and I haven’t heard from you.” He sighs. “I know we fought, but we never go this long without talking. I miss you.”

You don’t mean to laugh, but you do anyway. “You don’t miss me. I already told you we’re done. And I meant it this time, Chenle. You have to leave.”

“Why aren’t you letting me in?” He snorts. “Be fucking for real, we always end up right where we started. This time isn’t any different.”

“It is, though.” You pause, running your fingers through your hair. “I’m done. Honestly, if I never see you again, I’ll be better off.”

“You don’t really mean that.” He frowns.

“Yes, I do.”

“You can’t get mad at me for what I did when you did the exact same thing. We’ll call it even and start over.” Chenle stops, gaze mapping out every inch of you before he continues. “Why do you look like that?”

“Excuse me? Look like what?”

“Your face is all red, and your hair is messed up—” Whatever interrupts him has irritation creating a scowl on his face.

You’re only confused for a second before an arm wraps around your waist, fingers tapping against your hip. Heart twisting, you gape as you glance between Jisung and Chenle. Nerves eat away at you since you’re not sure what the latter will do, but you grasp onto Jisung’s wrist.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Chenle lets out a short chuckle, pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’re both fucking insane.”

His words alone are almost enough to make you want to remove yourself from Jisung’s hold, but you know you’re safest right where you’re at.

But seeing Chenle in front of you again for the first time in weeks has you yearning for him. To kiss him, to hear him laugh, to simply just have someone who loves you. You have to keep reminding yourself that he doesn’t. Love hasn’t been in the equation for much too long.

“Let her go.” Chenle practically stares into Jisung’s soul. “See if she still wants you when you’re not holding her away from me.”

Jisung tenses behind you, and the hesitation behind his touch leaving you can only mean one thing—he believes him. He’s worried what Chenle is saying is true. That you’ll never want him in the same way you want Chenle.

Chenle’s gaze, so painfully familiar, settles on yours. Your heart sinks into your stomach as you recognize what this is.

It’s the beginning of the cycle.

It’s how he tricks you into thinking he’ll be better for you.

In his eyes, he begs you to come back to him. He makes you think that maybe, just maybe, he’ll finally be what you’ve wanted him to be. What you needed him to be.

“C’mon, baby, we’ll forget this ever happened. I don’t blame you for being lonely and needing someone. He was just there. I know.”

Through your peripheral vision, you see Jisung’s fist clench at his side. The longer you stay silent, the more nervous the man behind you becomes. Your insides are at war. Not even ten minutes ago, you were sure you wanted Jisung. You had been reassuring him of that.

Now, seeing Chenle again for the first time in weeks, you’re practically weak in the knees. You want him, but not the man you’ve grown used to. You want who he used to be in the beginning—the person who loved you endlessly, who always put you first, who never went out of his way to hurt you in order to make you small enough to want him back.

No.

Because 491 days ago, he broke your heart for the first time. He was never going to admit to you what he did. Instead, he hid it, and the only reason you found out was through a text message that came through when he was showing you something on his phone.

You’re tired of it. Of being hurt and picking up shattered glass when he doesn’t want to be called out for his shitty actions.

“You’re wrong,” you mumble, terrified of the words leaving your mouth. After all, this means he’ll be gone for good. You won’t ever love him again. “Jisung wasn’t just there.”

Chenle recoils, narrowing his eyes. “Right. Because you’re suddenly in love with him, huh?”

“I care about him.” You reach back and grab his hand.

“If you pick him right now, you better be damn sure that’s what you want,” he snaps. “You’re making a huge fucking mistake, (Y/N). He’ll never be me.”

“That’s good. I don’t want him to be.” You shake your head. “I meant it when I said I was done.”

He runs his tongue over his teeth before glaring at Jisung. “You’re fucking dead to me. Some friend you are, trying to steal my fucking girl from me. That was your plan the whole time, wasn’t it? You were just waiting for the opportunity to swoop in and save the day.”

“You did this yourself,” Jisung replies. “She wouldn’t be with me if you were enough for her.”

Your chest tightens, preparing for Chenle to retaliate. You squeeze Jisung’s hand, and his thumb rubs over your knuckles. Over the course of your much too long relationship with Chenle, you quickly came to realize how close he and Jisung were. They were best friends, inseparable, really, and now the only thing stopping them from fighting is you. Right in the middle, you stand between them physically and metaphorically.

Instead, Chenle glances up to the ceiling, a laugh escaping him before he turns around without another word and disappears down the hallway. You slap your hand over your mouth when a shaky breath surpasses your lips, quickly reaching forward to shut the door. You lean against it for a moment, resting your forehead on the wood as Jisung stands silent behind you.

“Are you okay?” he whispers. “That was a lot.”

You don’t say anything. Between the way your heart beats at a hundred miles a minute, how your brain swirls, and how your stomach twists, the only thing you can do is suck in a loud, sharp inhale as you fight the urge to bawl your eyes out.

He moves closer to you, putting his hand on your shoulder. The touch sends a pang through your body, and you have to smack him away. Everything is so overwhelming, and knowing Chenle is gone for good is making you question every choice you’ve ever made leading up to this moment.

Once upon a time, you were convinced he was the love of your life. You were sure things were going to be perfect forever, but God, how far from the truth could you have been?

Jisung stays silent while you regain your composure. He waits patiently, but every little sound is amplified in your ears, so the creak of the wood beneath his feet as he rocks back and forth has everything crashing down around you.

You crumble, but somehow in the midst of it, Jisung’s arm wraps around your waist and tugs you close to him so you don’t fall. Fighting your tears, you clench your eyes shut. Over the years you spent with Chenle, you learned never to show how much something could hurt you. Showing emotion to anyone gives them the opportunity to hurt you, and Chenle took it one too many times.

“It’s okay,” Jisung whispers, sinking to the floor with you. “Tell me what you need. I’m here for you.”

You take a shuddering breath, but instead of saying anything, you turn and bury yourself in Jisung’s chest. His heart pounds in rhythm with yours, but he doesn’t seem outwardly anxious. He talks to you softly in an attempt to guide you. You don’t want to put this burden on him. Even then, all you can think about is Chenle, and how everything is over.

All the effort you put in to overcome the problems he created. Every argument you thought was worth it because maybe this one would lead somewhere. Maybe this breakdown would encourage him to change. Maybe this home you created for him would finally be enough.

It never was, and it never will be. How could it? He’s more interested in keeping you just to say he can. Chenle doesn’t love you, and you don’t love him. At least, you don’t think you do.

“I’m sorry,” you say to Jisung, shaking your head. “I don’t know what’s happening.”

“I know.” He cradles you to his chest. “I know. It’s okay, now. It’s all over.”

But for some reason, that alone hurts more than anything Chenle ever said to you.

More days pass. They turn into weeks, and you honestly start to feel like you’ll be okay. This morning especially when you wake up to the sensation of Jisung’s lips on your neck. He hums against your skin, tongue tracing over your pulse.

You’d been nervous to initiate anything with Jisung again, but last night, one thing led to another, and the two of you ended up in bed with your legs around his waist.

Jisung makes you feel safe. You’re not sure what about that makes you crave him so much, but you easily melt into his touch. Pressing yourself closer to his warmth, you run your fingers through his hair.

“How are you feeling?” His voice is deeper in the morning with a slight rasp to it.

“Never been better.” You’re not lying. Everything with him is peaceful.

His hand moves down your side to squeeze your hip, and further until he’s resting on your thigh.

“Sungie,” you mutter.

“Yeah?”

“If you want something, tell me. Teasing isn’t nice.” You put your hand on top of his.

He chuckles, nipping at the base of your neck. “Maybe I just like touching you.”

“There are innocent places to touch.” You move him toward the apex of your thighs, suppressing a shaky breath. “But let’s forget those exist.”

You feel his smirk on your skin, and when he brushes against your clit, you curse quietly. He hooks his ankle with yours to give himself better access, and he finds your entrance already wet.

“You sure it’s me who wanted it?” He tsks.

You open your mouth to respond, but he slides two of his long fingers inside you. A moan escapes instead, and you feel a rush of heat to your cheeks and between your legs. Your brain is still fogged with sleep, which must mean that’s part of why it feels so fucking good. You fall into the pleasure, gripping the sheets in front of you.

“Can’t think of anything else but you,” he whispers, pumping his hand at a steady pace. “How you sound, how you feel, how you taste. Just you.”

Your eyes clench shut as you relish in the way he makes you feel, his gentle movements making you need him that much more. Rocking your hips, you practically melt into him. Something about the early morning sun and still being tired from the night before has you getting closer and closer without much effort from either of you.

His lips brush your ear. “Feel good, baby?”

Your walls clamp down on him, and you let out a moan in response to his question. Butterflies swarm in your stomach, and while you’re desperate to finish, you also wouldn’t mind sitting here like this forever.

“Jisung,” you whine. “Please.”

He tilts your head back and kisses you hard, his thumb finding your clit as he continues. You cry out into his mouth, back arching at the pleasure swirling around you. Your insides twist and turn and you’re only half-sure you’ll ever come down from this.

Unfortunately for you, the high fades as he guides you through it. Once he pulls out of you, you turn to face him. He brings his fingers up to his mouth, cleaning your arousal off as his eyes flutter shut at your taste.

You push his shoulder until he’s flat on his back, and when you straddle his lap, he stares up at you in awe as the blanket falls from your shoulders. Reaching down, you line him up with your entrance. His lips part, and he sucks in a quick breath.

You sink down slowly, thighs shaking as you allow him to fill you. He curses, his nails digging into your hips. The more you take him, the tighter his grip on you becomes. You missed the feeling of this—of being full and seeing the pleasure you could cause someone else.

Once he’s completely buried inside you, he holds you down by your hips, eyebrows furrowed deeply.

“Don’t move yet,” he mutters, voice thick. “God, are you really gonna make me cum just like this?”

Jisung explores every inch of your body, his hands leaving your hips to squeeze your ass, tracing up until he finds your breasts. His thumbs rub against your nipples, and you jolt, doing your best to refrain from taking him the way you want.

“Can I move?” you ask breathlessly. “Please, Sungie.”

“Yeah.” He nods. “Of course, baby, show me how much you want me.”

You heat up at the sound of that, and when his grip loosens on you, you lift yourself up. The slow drag of him against your walls has you wanting to collapse already. He studies you closely, somewhat amused by your struggle to take him completely.

You move through your sensitivity, sinking back down and swiveling your hips. He thrusts up, and the tip of his cock hits your cervix. You whine, opting to continue your pace. As soon as he’s about to slide out of you, you allow him to fill you all over again.

He matches you, fucking up into you when you’ve already taken him halfway. Sounds of your arousal fill the room while he moves inside you, and he lifts his head to watch where he disappears in you.

You’re numbed by the pleasure, so much so that you’re barely able to hear the moans and quiet praises falling from his lips.

He squeezes your breasts, fingers tweaking your nipples. His eyes are everywhere, entranced by everything you are as you fuck yourself on his cock. A band starts to tighten in your stomach, but all you want is to make him feel good.

You grab one of his wrists, tugging down in the hopes he’ll get the idea. He places his palm flat on your stomach as he makes his way down slowly, slowly, smirking as you whine at him.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he groans, thumbing your clit in perfect circles.

Your pace falters as you feel the euphoria approaching, unable to keep up. He stops, cursing as you clench hard around him. You let out a frustrated moan but opt to keep bouncing on him through your sensitivity.

“Don’t stop,” he commands. “It’s gonna feel better if you keep going.”

“Jisung, please.” Your walls flutter around him, and when he returns to your sensitive bud, you both know it won’t take long at all.

Your orgasm slams into you, but you force yourself to keep moving. Curses leave your mouth in a string as the knot unravels faster than you thought possible. Your walls clench around him. The tremor in your thighs makes it hard to keep moving, but you refuse to stop until he’s done.

He sits up, pulling you flush against his chest as he thrusts up into you. You bury your head in his neck and hold onto him tightly, the cloud of pleasure enough to make you lightheaded.

Once he’s as deep as he can get, he moans and spills inside you. Both of you pant, sweat making your skin stick together. And then his lips are on yours, soft in contrast with all of the overwhelming feelings happening.

His nails gently drag along your spine as he kisses down your neck.

“(Y/N),” he says.

“Hm?” is all you can muster.

“I really, really like you. A lot.” His mouth brushes against your shoulder. “And…this was probably the worst time to say that. But it’s true.”

“I like you, too.”

He doesn’t see your smile, but you feel his.

“No matter what happens,” he says, inhaling deeply. “Just know I won’t let you down, okay?”

“I know, Sungie.” You wrap your arms around him and pull him closer, still attempting to calm down from your whirlwind. “I trust you.”

He flips you over, holding himself up on his elbows while he presses a gentle kiss to your lips. “Gonna clean you up, okay?”

You hum in response, letting out a sigh when he pulls out of you. Waiting for him to return, you don’t move a muscle, instead, closing your eyes and basking in the feeling of warmth he’s left all over your body.

He cleans up the mess between your legs with a towel, and then he’s climbing back into bed next to you. Tugging you close, he scans over your face.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Is it about him?” You force the words out, but the thought of Chenle at a time like this has your stomach twisting in unpleasant ways. It’s better for you when you just…don’t think of him at all. Only then are you able to completely enjoy your time with Jisung.

He chews on his bottom lip, nodding once. “Yeah.”

“Of course, you can. You just can’t get upset at my answers.”

“I won’t.” He pauses, taking a deep breath as he traces his finger down your arm. “Do you miss him?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “I mean, I guess a part of me does. But I don’t know if that’s me missing him or the craziness and the pain. Because after a while…”

He squeezes you reassuringly. “It’s okay.”

“After a while, the pain starts to…feel normal. Good, even. Like I trained myself to crave the dysfunctional shit we did. In my mind, I thought all couples fought the same way we did. And everyone says fighting is normal, and if you’re not, you don’t really care about the relationship. So, in some sick, twisted way, I saw those arguments as us just…loving each other. Loudly.”

“I’m sorry he did that to you,” Jisung replies. “It’s not right.”

“It wasn’t just him, Sungie. It was me, too. C’mon, I literally asked you to help me because I thought it would hurt him.” You laugh at yourself, but ultimately, the conversation tears the barely healed wound in your heart open all over again.

“Sounds like he pushed you there.”

“I still made that decision. I could’ve been the bigger person and kept my hands clean,” you explain.

“Do you regret it?” he asks, a genuine fear laced in his gaze. “Do you still want him?”

Your hesitation has his fear twisting into hurt, but his face doesn’t change. It’s just the emotions swirling in his brown eyes that give you any indication of his feelings.

“Listen to me,” you murmur, cupping his cheek and rubbing your thumb over his skin. “I don’t regret it. Do I wish we started this in a different way? Yeah, I do. But what’s done is done, and I don’t think it would change anything for me and him.”

He places his hand over yours. “I won’t pretend like I understand, because I’ve never been in that kind of situation before. I just can’t believe he would fucking do something like that. To you of all people.”

“Sungie, I’m not perfect.” You give him a tiny smile. “I’ve said and done things I shouldn’t have. Regardless of everything else, this was the ultimate betrayal, wasn’t it? He might have done it first, but I’m with you. It isn’t just sex.”

“This isn’t your fault.”

“Maybe not. But I don’t think it’s just his, either. We fell apart long before he ever cheated in the first place.” Tears well in your eyes, and you shake your head. “I don’t wanna talk about him anymore.”

He kisses your forehead, tugging you to his chest. “That’s okay. Let’s spend all day right here, okay?”

You nod. “I’d love that.”

Your first mistake of the day was leaving your house. You’re not sure what spurred you into going out to get takeout considering all of the leftovers you have in your fridge, but life is clearly too short to worry about semantics. Your sunglasses block the sun out of your eyes, and as you push the door to the restaurant open, you place them on top of your head instead.

You don’t notice at first. After all, you’re starving and Jisung is at his own house tonight, so the only thing you’re focused on is ordering your food so you can eat.

You tell the nice lady your order, and when you’re done, you feel eyes on you—a prickly feeling beginning at the base of your spine that slowly weaves its way up each vertebrae until you find yourself turning around against your will.

In an instant, your hunger is replaced with an ache that has your stomach twisting and curling. Chenle meets your gaze, sitting at the table in the far corner. Your lungs refuse to fill when you also recognize that he’s not alone. A girl sits across from him, and her back faces you. She seems too engrossed in the story she’s telling Chenle to realize he’s no longer listening to her. He’s honed in on you, on how stiff you’re standing at the mere sight of him.

You’re not with him anymore. Of course, he’s free to see any girl he wants now. Why are you so upset? You’ve got Jisung. There’s no need for you to feel this way, to feel how your heart beats painfully slow, threatening to stop altogether at the thought of his hands on her the same way he used to touch you.

At least you two aren’t together this time, right?

At least he’s not betraying your trust, your love, and your soul simply because he’s bored, right?

The lump in your throat is impossible to swallow past, and now all you want is to run home and never be seen again. Your appetite has diminished, and you feel yourself reverting back into who you were with him.

Whatever’s going on inside you is exactly the same as the two times you caught him while you were together.

You’re not over him. For some fucking reason, you still want him.

You curse under your breath, but you’re unable to pull your gaze away from his. Much to your surprise, he doesn’t look smug at all, but like he’s admiring you. As if he misses you, and whatever void he’s been trying to fill is just…perpetually empty.

The lady clearing her throat catches your attention. She hands you your bag, and you thank her and quickly depart the restaurant without a second glance at Chenle. While you refuse to let yourself cry, you can’t stop thinking about him even after you’ve been home for an hour. Your food remains untouched, and you pace around your kitchen like everything bad Chenle has ever done has dissipated into thin air.

You know exactly how this is going to play out. There’s no way in hell he’s not going to reach out to you, and you’re not strong enough to turn him away now. Even when you have Jisung, who has done nothing but be perfect to you, you just can’t fucking get out of this trap.

You should call Jisung. Tell him what happened and that you need him, but you don’t. There’s a sneaking suspicion that floods through your bones when you realize you don’t want to. Calling him means he’ll prevent you from talking to Chenle, and then Chenle will go back to whoever that girl is and do everything you like to her.

You curse under your breath, grasping onto the edge of the counter.

Will Jisung ever be enough for you?

Is peace…arbitrary? Redundant? Is it not what you want?

The whole time you were with Chenle, it’s what you craved. Stability, peace, love. Three things you never got, and now you have them. But it’s not the same with Jisung. You don’t want those things with anyone but Chenle, but at the same time, silence is unbearably loud. Louder than any of the times you’ve yelled at Chenle or vice versa.

In chaos, you flourish. Maybe…maybe, you’re unable to function without chaos. Perhaps that’s what keeps you alive, your gears turning, and your life harmonious.

How the fuck does that work? Is this all you’re good for?

Just like you predicted, a knock sounds at your door. With your palms sweating, you check through the peephole first, and your suspicions are confirmed. Chenle stands there, waiting for you to let him in.

You have two choices here.

You could ignore him. Leave him standing alone in your apartment complex’s hallway like the dumbass he is, floundering for your attention. You could choose Jisung, the peace and tranquility you know is suitable for the long term.

Or…

Or you could have him again. You could complete yourself in the only way you know how. Maybe the cycle will end this time. He’s been without you for so long, he might have learned his lesson.

It’s not even a fucking competition in your brain.

You unlock the door, confronting him face-to-face—alone—for the first time since you left him. Or made him leave, is more like it.

He doesn’t leave time for awkwardness or pleasantries. Instead, he launches himself forward, his hands cupping your cheeks as he smashes his lips to yours. In his grasp, you’re absolutely pliant, melting right into him just like you’ve done every other time before.

You moan into his mouth, fingers grasping at the fabric of his shirt. Too much time has passed already, so the last thing you want is to wait any more. The kiss is messy, rough in a way that has your teeth clashing together and tongues wrestling for dominance.

Jisung is great. Jisung is nice, but he’s not Chenle.

Chenle’s not scared of being rough, of the messiness you’ve craved without him.

“Hi, baby,” Chenle murmurs, pulling his shirt over his head before dipping back down to kiss along your neck. “I fucking missed you.”

You’re ashamed of how the feelings of uncertainty have turned into lust. It sends heat throughout your entire body, and you hate how damp you feel between your legs already.

“S’okay.” He nips against your pulse. “I know you missed me, too. Don’t waste that pretty little voice on words when I could make you moan instead.”

Much to his surprise, you push him back, chest heaving as you allow your gaze to rake over him. Unfortunately for you, you’ve never been attracted to anyone the way you are with Chenle. Even his mistreatment of you isn’t enough to make that fade.

Without hesitation, you pull your T-shirt off and toss it across the room. The next thing you know, he’s moving forward again, turning you around and pushing your stomach against the island. The chill has you pushing back against him, but it’s nothing compared to how hot every inch of your skin is.

“How many times?” he asks, grinding against your ass as he unbuttons your jeans and unzips them.

“What?” You’re unable to concentrate on anything except how close his fingers are to where you need them most.

He kisses your shoulder before nudging your bra strap down. Moving to the other, he repeats his action. “How many times have you fucked Jisung?”

“Chenle, I—”

“Don’t lie to me, slut. Tell me how many times you screwed my best friend.”

Your eyes nearly roll back. “Four. Five. I don’t know.”

“Are we fucking even now? That’s what you wanted, huh? A little bit of adventure because I fucked up?” His fingers close in around the sides of your neck. “You got it, baby. Don’t you ever…ever fuck him again, got it? Only I get you.”

You clench your thighs together, and a whimper gets caught in the back of your throat. At this point, you’d tell him anything to get him to touch you. And despite Jisung being the topic of conversation, he’s the last damn thing on your mind.

His breath fans across your ear, and through gritted teeth, he says, “If you want to cum tonight, you better fucking agree with me.”

“I won’t.” You quickly shake your head and force the words out through his grip on your throat. “Don’t want anyone else touching me but you.”

As a reward, his hand slips into your jeans. His fingertips connect with your clit through your panties, and your hips jolt.

“He can’t be doing a good job if you’re still so wet for me.” Chenle tsks. “I warned you he could never be me.”

You whine in response, grinding down onto his touch for more stimulation.

“What was it you said?” His circles on your bud are achingly slow.

“Chenle, please—”

“That’s not it.” He stops rubbing you, moving to take his hand out of your jeans.

“No, no.” You push his wrist down. “Fuck, I said I didn’t want him to be you. Please don’t stop.”

You feel his smirk against your skin as he returns to his slow, pleasure-filled torture. He rolls his hips, pressing his hard, straining cock against your ass. The counter digs almost uncomfortably into your midriff, but you couldn’t possibly care at a time like this. He leans back a bit to unclasp your bra, and while both of you are distracted with that, his hand moves inside your panties, tracing along your entrance before slowly sliding two fingers in.

You grip the edge of the counter, pushing back to tell him how much you need him. As soon as your bra falls to the floor, he’s pulling out of you, trailing his sticky fingers up your body until he reaches your breasts. He squeezes you, caging you in his grasp, his chest against your back as he uses your arousal to wet your nipples before he rubs his thumbs over them. 

Your back arches and your head falls back against him, quiet moans spilling from your lips at his slow pace. Every inch of you is on fire, and you crave him way too much for your own good.

“You’re so fucking pretty, baby,” he hums, and while his hands pleasure your tits, you can’t help but wish it was his mouth. His tongue is sinful, and you want all he has to offer.

When you rub your thighs together, you whine at the friction, your body sensitive from your need.

“Bet you just wanna be bent over and fucked like the little slut you are, huh?” He chuckles darkly. “I’m gonna fuck you so good, you’re gonna forget your own name.”

He pushes your jeans down your thighs, but doesn’t get them past your knees. His hand slides back into your panties, and two of his fingers are back inside you in record time. You sigh in relief, rocking against him to encourage him to hurry up.

This time, he moves fast, the palm of his hand hitting your throbbing clit with every thrust. You can’t contain your moans, grinding to get more stimulation on your bud.

Unfortunately for you, Chenle knows your body just as well as you do. Right when your walls start to clamp down as a warning sign of your impending orgasm, he removes his touch. You curse, whining like a child at the feeling of being left hanging.

He brings his hand up to your face. “Suck.”

You don’t hesitate. You take his fingers into your mouth, collecting your slick from them and swirling your tongue to make sure you get all of it. Hollowing your cheeks, you allow your eyes to roll back at the taste and how all it does is arouse you further. He slowly pulls them away from you, and an obscene pop follows.

“Did he make you this wet?” Chenle asks. “Tell me who’s better.”

“You,” you say quickly.

“Why?” he continues. “What did my slut learn after having her fun? Hm?”

“H-He’s too nice.” Your face burns, embarrassment creeping through every inch of your body. “Never like this for him.”

Chenle’s hand finds the middle of your shoulder blades and pushes you flat against the counter. You shiver in anticipation, pushing back against him. He rips your panties down, and a sharp slap on your ass has your hips jolting.

“Dripping like the little whore you are,” he scolds you, hitting the other cheek, too. “Gonna make a mess all over the kitchen, baby.”

“Lele, please—”

“Oh, now you wanna act like that, huh?” He unbuckles his belt, the metal clinking together. “You really think nicknames will make me go easy on you?”

“Don’t want you to,” you reply, letting your forehead drop against the granite.

He presses his fingertips against your clit, spreading your arousal around as he rubs fast circles. Your legs are weak and shaking, and your need for release and the arousal soaking your thighs only serve to add to your embarrassment.

“Such a pretty pussy.” He sucks in a deep breath. “No wonder he wanted to steal you from me.”

You arch your back to give him better access, moans spilling past your lips as you grind into his touch. “Chenle, please. Please let me cum. It feels so good.”

“You close?” He contemplates, his other hand massaging your ass.

“So fucking close,” you confirm. “Please.”

“Mm,” he murmurs, circling you faster. “You do sound fucking beautiful when you cum.”

For a moment, you believe he’ll actually let you finish. You build and build, hips frantically moving, but almost like he knows you’re one last rub away from shattering, he pulls away. Your whine turns into a loud moan when he slaps your clit hard.

“You don’t deserve it yet, baby. You don’t get to cum unless it’s on my cock. Understood?”

You're near tears at this point, panting in the aftermath of being denied your orgasm again. Chenle shuffles behind you, and the rest of his clothes hit the floor. He curses under his breath, and you close your eyes, imagining him with his fingers gripping his cock, unable to stop his hips from bucking into his fist.

“You won’t like what happens if you cum without permission, pretty girl.” He rubs the head of his cock along your folds to collect your arousal. “Soaking me already and I’m not even inside.”

He allows his tip to enter you just enough to begin a stretch. Your breath catches in your throat, and you try your best to stop yourself from pushing back until he’s all the way in.

The words escaping you are no longer coherent, but that seems to spur him forward more than anything else. He lands another smack on your ass, but before you even react to that, he thrusts himself in completely until his balls press against your clit.

Your eyes roll back as you let out an obscene, long moan. You move your hips to stimulate your throbbing bud, but he tightens his grip on you to keep you still. He pulls out slowly, lewd noises following.

“Hear that?” He lets out a breathy chuckle. “This pussy is mine. Fuck.”

“Only yours,” you agree.

When he starts thrusting, it wreaks havoc on your body. You're already seconds away from an orgasm considering how many you’ve been denied, but you do your best to listen to him. His skin slaps against yours as he quickens his pace to an almost impossible speed. You’re lost in bliss, walls pulsing around him. All you want is to finish, and hopefully he’ll allow it soon.

His moans mix with yours, and the longer the two of you are connected, the higher pitched his become. His nails dig into you while he pulls you back with every thrust forward. The tip of his cock slides right into your spot, and the entire world tilts on its axis.

You practically scream out a chorus of pleas, begging him to allow you to finish as his length rubs against your inner walls perfectly. The world around you becomes blurry, and you can’t be certain, but you’re pretty sure you’re fucking drooling.

“Do you deserve it?” He curses under his breath. “Answer me. Do you deserve to cum?”

You shake your head, brain too foggy to comprehend fully. “I need it. Please.”

He doesn’t say anything else. Instead, he reaches around your legs and finds your clit with ease. All it takes is a brush of his fingertips to have you catapulting into your orgasm. Your walls clamp down on him hard, and his rhythm is thrown off. He refuses to stop until you’re through it, thrusting through the tightness.

When he pulls out abruptly, you whine.

“On your knees.” He pants, pulling you up and turning you toward him. “Hurry the fuck up, slut. On your fucking knees and suck my cock.”

You don’t need any help dropping to the ground, your legs weak anyway. Glancing up at him, you waste no time in wrapping your hand around him. He twitches in your grasp, and instead of teasing him, you start taking him in your mouth. He’s heavy on your tongue, achingly hard, and cutting off your air supply the deeper you take him into your throat.

“Don’t stop, baby.” He gathers your hair up into a makeshift ponytail, guiding you along his cock.

You follow his commands, a surge of pride welling in your chest when his hips involuntarily thrust. Peering up at him through your lashes, you’re surprised to see his phone in his hand. He’s recording you. It does nothing but make you bob your head faster, desperate to please him.

“Fuck, my little slut sucks cock so good,” he hisses, throwing his head back. “Wanna cum all over your face.”

You moan, the vibration making him gasp. He yanks your head back.

“Open your mouth,” he commands.

You do as he says, and before he even has to tell you, you stroke him until strings of white shoot from his tip. He moans, tilting your head up by your chin to see you painted in his cum.

You use your tongue to catch what landed on your lips, awaiting his next request. His chest heaves as he stares at you. He swipes your cheek with his thumb, and you take the initiative of taking it into your mouth.

He tosses his phone on the counter, gently helping you to your feet. “You okay?” he asks, voice much softer.

You nod timidly, the cloud slowly lifting from your brain. “I’m okay.”

“Did I hurt you?” He grabs one of the dish towels on the counter and uses it to wipe the remainder of his release off your face.

“No.” You shake your head, confusion sinking in when he helps you remove your clothes all the way instead of redressing you.

“Good. Let’s go shower, baby. I’ll clean you up.”

Your heart twists in your chest, but you allow him to intertwine your fingers and lead you into the bathroom. You’ve missed him so much, and no matter how much you fought, it would always end like this—with some sort of sexual make up to let out pent up aggressions, and then he took such good care of you.

Why couldn’t he be like that all the time?

Once you're beneath the warm water, he pulls you to his chest, cradling the back of your head as he presses his lips gently on yours. For a moment, you forget the rest of the world. Finally, the puzzle feels as if it’s been pieced back together.

You pull away first, scanning over his face, noting how the water makes his hair stick flat to his forehead. Smiling, you run your fingers through it to push it back. He gulps, gaze softer than you’re used to as he holds you close.

“(Y/N), I’m…” He pauses. “I love you. Don’t leave me like that again.”

You don’t hesitate to nod. Cupping his cheek, you run your thumb along his skin. “I love you, too. I’m not going anywhere.”

Chenle washes your hair, gently lathers your body with soap, and presses soft kisses on your skin. These are the moments you miss. The ones where he shows you he loves you, that he cares. You want to live in these moments forever, but it’s normal that they don’t last.

All couples fight. All couples retaliate at each other.

The two of you aren’t above it, clearly, but the most important thing is that he’s here with you now…right?

It doesn’t matter if he’s strayed before. He always comes back to you.

This time will be different. You feel it in your bones.

Once you’re done in the shower, he helps dry you off and massages your shoulders. It doesn’t matter how much time passes—you’ll always be his. He takes care of you. He loves you.

When you’re completely dry, the two of you climb right into bed. He pulls you to him, kissing all over your face despite how clearly tired he is.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, voice strained. “For everything, (Y/N). We’re gonna be better this time. I promise.”

You’ve learned to be weary of his promises, but that doesn’t mean you don’t hope he means it.

“I’m sorry, too.” You kiss the base of his neck. “Fighting fire with fire is never the right answer.”

His breathing evens out before yours, and you stare up at your ceiling, deep in thought. Everything is overwhelming, but one thing settling inside you has your heart shattering just like the glass Chenle carelessly swiped off the counter.

You’re with Jisung. You told Jisung you wanted him, that you wanted to see where things went, but here you are, back with Chenle.

You’ve become everything you hated Chenle for being.

What the fuck do you tell Jisung?

[primojade]

𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄.

𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐈 : 𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐀 𝐈𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐀 𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐀. ( the die is cast )

𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐄 𝐈 : 𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐌 𝐀𝐃 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐌. ( argument against the man )

" the only impossible journey is the one you never begin. " - tony robins.

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒' 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 | As a veteran AR60 player of Genshin Impact, you pride yourself as someone who knows the ins and outs of Teyvat, even studiously completing Spiral Abyss every reset, and having 100% exploration to some, if not all, of the released regions so far. Everything is fun and enjoyable, especially since Sumeru just recently debuted so you still have a lot to do!

All that ends though, when a mysterious passerby pushes you off the building of your university while playing Genshin. But instead of meeting your inevitable end, you find yourself waking up in the very world you were addicted to! 

It's supposed to be a fun dream, right? Something you could laugh at when you wake up? Right?! So, why is that you were back in AR1 with nothing but a dull blade in your inventory?!

…well, at least you still have those 700+ sunsettias and mints, Timmie's fowls…and surprisingly similar game mechanics you used to merely see on the screen before. But what should you do now? Flirt with the Genshin men??? Good lords...

"Welcome to Genshin Impact, Dreamer. Here, we can show you a happier ever after you've never had before…so, ready?"

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 | In which your utter disappointment with your game progress (or regression) cause you to trigger a new quest? Is this a chance you should take? And Tighnari told you that humans are often more predictable, however, you're an odd one out.

𝐂𝐖 / 𝐓𝐖 | Cursing, hasty confession (but not really?), tighnari is getting suspicious of you, rightfully so lol. Let me know if I missed anything <3

𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 | I don't know if I should post the route 1 and 2 at the same time but...eh...let me know what u think! Reblogs and comments are appreciated!

masterlist | prologue: that love is a fallacy | (alternate route) route ii: argumentum ad ignorantiam

For your own sake, you logically decided to remain still inside Tighnari's house. Your body was still aching all over, even though the Therianthrope had meticulously treated your wounds well—which you guessed was from your fall with him—it also doesn't leave the fact that you felt even more tired than when you were reviewing for your exams every night.

Well, that would be the first reason. The other is that you were still in shock—and denial—at what the hell is happening right now. Tighnari was real, you could see and touch him in the flesh, and you can't be mistaken that that person isn't him because you know it's him by the amount of shameless staring and gushing you did with his soft-looking ears and tail during his first banner and in his idles.

So, yes…if you were indeed get isekai'd in Genshin Impact, one question still begs to be answered. A lot, to be honest, but for now, you were still not accepting this reality wholeheartedly.

"M…Maybe I just misclicked it or something. That's right, I probably just misread it." You tried reasoning to yourself, a little desperate, before closing the hologram screen. After you take a lungful of breaths, you shakily pat your chest once, and the screen appears before you again.

[Username]

(No Signature)

Adventure Rank: 1

Adventure EXP: 0

World Level: 0

"NOOOOO!!!" You wailed loudly, almost thrashing your feet in the bed as you animatedly heard the cracking ice and booming volcanoes in your head, goading and laughing at your misery. "...my AR60 account, my characters…I grind so hard for them…for two years…"

Almost in tears, you gulped shakily as your eyes travelled down to the Inventory tab, tapping it only to groan in utter disappointment when ALL of your precious weapons were gone! Every. Single. One. Of them! Not even a trusty Prototype Rancour or a Harbinger of Dawn! All of them are gone except for that damn LVL1 Dull Blade!

"I can't believe this…all of my hard work…" You sniffed and stiffly tapped the icon of the Dull Blade, and to your surprise, the weapon suddenly appeared in front of you. "Woahhh—!" Its sharp blade almost grazes your skin. you manage to grab its hilt in time but you almost dropped it when its unexpected weight almost crushed you. "This is so heavy!"

Before you hurt yourself further with the Dull Blade, you immediately unequipped the sword and switched the tab to the Artifacts, and just as you dreadily expect, it was also empty. All your precious five stars artifacts are gone so suddenly. The CD Items, Quest Items, Gadgets, Furnishings and Precious Items tab are as empty as your soul when you were done checking. 

With a shake of your head, you console yourself with the fact that at least some of the Materials (like the local specialties) and Food (sunsettias, starshrooms and apples) were still as high as you remember. 

After some time glaring at your nearly emptied inventory, you closed the tab completely, glossing over the Map in disappointment (which was, by the way, the Teleport Waypoints or Statue of the Seven were still locked, even the ones in Mondstadt and Liyue), and the Quest Menu is still empty. 

As for the other ones, if you remember correctly, the Wish and Shop were unlocked when you reached AR5. While the Character Archive would be available only when you get Amber to be playable—which you think is impossible for now considering you were in Sumeru and Mondstadt is like…a nation away.

This is all so depressing. Add to the fact that you don't know how to return to your world, almost all of your trusted resources, a chance of survival, is gone.

A few moments later, Tighnari arrived with your medicine and he raised his brow when he saw you sulking in the farthest corner of the bed. "What happened to you? Do you feel any pain somewhere?"

You gaze soullessly at him. "My hard work vanished along with my determination to live."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, drink this medicine and let's get you back to bed." You lamely took the green pill the Therianthrope gave you, toss it on your mouth and immediately gulped the glass of water he offered.

"Blegh!" You almost choked at the bitter taste and Tighnari offered you another glass of water, which you gladly took. 

"I apologise if my concotion is too bitter for your taste. On the bright side, its effectiveness could be trusted." He said in a matter-of-fact tone, though the light twiched of his ears and the swish of his tail tells you that he found your reactions amusing.

"I know, I believe you—uh, what?."

Tighnari was staring at you like you grown two heads. "Hmm. Well, curious how you just swallow that thing without asking me what it was or checking to see if its something dangerous. Even though you appear to know me, you should've been more careful."

It looks like he was about to lecture you about safety and stuff so you immediately replied. "...Dunno, maybe because I don't think you have any reason to poison me after helping and patching me up? Plus, I know your reputation, your talents and your dedication to help. Poisoning me is something against your principles."

"That's true," the Therianthrope looked thoughtful, his green-olive eyes staring down at you intently. "However, humans tend to be a little more cautious about this, you know, which makes them quite predictable. And speaking of which, you appear to know me, but I never have the chance to ask yours. I believe introductions are overdue?"

"Oh, uh…I'm [Name]. Hehehe. Sorry again for all the trouble, Tighnari." You said gratefully. For a moment, you wonder if he would recognised your name. Well, you don't even know if this Tighnari is the same as the Tighnari you were playing before. And even if he was, he probably wouldn't recognised your real name since you were using a Username instead.

Speaking of which…

WHERE IS YOUR PHONE?! AND YOUR BACKPACK? 

Before you could ask what befall your other stuff, Tighnari cut you off. He was looking at you curioisly, never hostile but you could see his guard was up, his tail tensing a little. "...I believe myself to have a decent memory, and I'm confident I never seen you before. How did you know my name?"

How could you tell him he was a video game character you were playing before you die?!

Yeah, no. As if he would believed you. He might've thought you were losing your last braincells and even send you to Bimarstan for real this time.

Quick, [Name], just throw any excuse you could find! Your hippocamus was internally panicking along with you.

"...I KNOW BECAUSE I LOVE YOU—" you blurted out in a frenzy before you realised what you said. Your eyes widened, as shock as him. "I mean, I love your ears and tail! I don't love you as in you, since you're not rea—wait…that will sounds wrong. But not that way—ugh!"

Before you could dug a hole to hide your embarassment, Tighnari's ears perked up as he glance outside the door. At the same time, the hologram of the Paimon Menu suddenly appeared in front of you. A blue exclamation mark marking the Quest tab made you do a double take.

Did you just triggered a World Quest with whatever nonesense you just said?

The Fox and the Jackal

70m

Go with Tighnari to see Cyno.

Quest Chain Rewards: 250 Adventure EXP, 150 Character EXP, 20 Primogems, 5 Adventurer's Experience.

HOLY SHIZNITS—Wait, WHAT? Isn't this going a bit too fast? Why is Cyno suddenly coming here?! Why do you have to go see him, too?

And damn, whoever is the mastermind of all this is tempting you with those delicious rewards—

Route 1.1: Beg Tighnari to let you come to him and see Cyno. After all, you desperately need those primogems rewards to level up your AR. Plus, you were curious what he looks like, too.

Can you even refuse if those primogems are waving hello at you? 

TAGLIST (open! Send a dm or ask to be added :3) | @xinii , @maehemthemisfit , @abvolat , @crazypriestess , @ghostsaysno , @kittence , @unabashedlyminiaturetyrant , @xiyanin , @toasterinabathtub , @sketcheeee , @a-single-pizza , @fuoon , @luvwukong , @salty-salty , @rosebatsc , @inky8 , @thegeekact , @almighty-raiden-shogunate , @isuckat-avery-thing , @perhapsabitgirlypop (if ur username is orange, it means i cant tagged u :(( maybe its in ur settings?)

Route 1.2: Abandon the quest! You have more pressing matters to attend to. After all, who knows if that Quest were as long as that Aranyaka that would make your hair white till you finish it. Plus, you're not a huge Cyno simp and he could tell when you lie, man! A danger! You also need to find your phone and your bag!

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for deleting some files?

I (18F) am the president of my school’s literature club, at the beginning of this story we only had 4 members (including me). It all started when one of the members, we’ll call her S (18F) brought along a friend (it’s complicated, let’s just say ?M) to join our club. We managed to convince him with a little bribe of cupcakes from another member of the club who we will call N (18F) and very good tea from Y (18F), the last member of the club.

This new member will be called MC for the purposes of this story. I don’t know how to put this… but I immediately felt drawn to him. He seemed more real than anyone else I’ve ever met. It almost felt like him and I were the only conscious people in this entire reality…

I quickly fell deeply in love with him (or her. or them. it depends… again, it’s complicated. I’ll stick with “he” for simplicity’s sake). I tried to get closer to him, but it wasn’t easy. The other three members of the club also fell for him. I know how cliche it sounds that all of us girls fell for him, but that’s what happened.

S is the one who’s known him the longest, so I honestly perceived her as the biggest “threat” so to speak… I know I sound very… extreme or possessive here, but I promise it’s justified.

The other two weren’t much better though, because they were far more straightforward in getting closer to him. Neither S nor I really had the option to get close to him like they could.

Why?

Well. I might’ve left out the most important part so far. All four of us (me, S, N and Y) are just characters in a video game. They don’t know that, but I… because conscious so to speak. It might be due to my position as the club president, but I’m not sure. I realize how odd this sounds, but even though these three were supposed to be my friends… I felt so distant from them. I felt depressed. All because I realized I was a character in a video game. And the worst part is- I’m the only one who didn’t get the option to become closer to MC!

Oh, I forgot to mention- MC is the player. The player can be anyone behind the screen, but the character they “play as” is depicted as a guy. That’s why I used he/him pronouns, but also hinted at other uh possibilities…

Anyway! It didn’t seem… fair… to me, that the other three all had so-called “routes” that the player could choose and I didn’t- Even though, I’m arguably the most important character in the game. I mean, I made this club after all, didn’t I? And I am the only one who noticed that this whole thing is a game at all…!!!

I had to do SOMETHING about this unfairness, so I might’ve started messing with the game’s code. Now, I’m a prodigy in many things, but not exactly in coding… I maybe should have just created a route for myself, so MC would’ve had the option of choosing me, but… I didn’t do that. It’s been a while, so I’m not sure if I’d say it was due to a lack of skill or a fear that he would still choose one of them over me. So instead, I messed with their character attributes. I exaggerated their flaws and their negative traits and feelings and- Sometime towards the end of the player’s first play-through of the game, I even deleted the character file of S.

I don’t know how to feel about that, since I had still somewhat viewed her as a friend… But getting MC to love me was more important to me.

When MC played the game again, no trace of S was left. A few glitches here and there, but she was gone! In this second play-through it became more and more obvious that I messes with N and Y too. Both of them ended up turning so incomprehensibly wrong that I had to delete their files as well.

Then… I had achieved what I wanted. It was just me and MC now. I even controlled his cursor so he couldn’t exit the game as easily and leave me behind. Maybe at some point he’ll find a way, but… for now I have him.

As I mentioned though, I did have to make sacrifices to get here. But I think, since they weren’t conscious like I was, it’s no real loss that they died, right? They had no consciousness. They were just characters. I know I am technically also a character, but I am different, because I awoke and found out about that.

MC doesn’t seem happy that I deleted S, N and Y though, so I’m doubting my decisions a bit. So, am I the asshole for deleting their character files- and through that, them?

[a-fantastic-time]

Guide to a Fantastic Time!

Hello everyone! Thank you for coming, I hope we have a grand old time. First things first, this is a 18+ Rp area, so I hope you please respect that we should do just fine. Rps do not need to go down that route, I am 100% down for SFW rps, but I mainly prefer NSFW. Just pointing that out now. Also I will absolutely will not do anything with anyone under age, characters or people.

Muses! Unfortunately I do not have a set listing for muses. I actually love to play as many characters as I can from different fandoms, or OCs that I have sorta made up and never really put them to pen and paper. So feel free to ask me about them, and I will gladly talk your ear off. Note that I do play any gender, be it Male/Female/Herms.

Fandoms! I will do my best to get as many of my favorite Fandoms/interest listed down, I will be editing this when I can, so if you ever have an interest, or show, or game that you like and you do not see it on my list. Please feel free to ask me about it, and maybe I can add it to the list.

List of Interests-

She-Ra The Dragon Prince Glitch Tech Transformers (series, not movies) TMNT(series, not movies) Steven Universe Big Hero 6 RWBY Marvel(Comics/Shows) DC(Comics/Shows) Halo Pokémon Digimon Mortal kombat Mass Effect Dragon age Final Fantasy (Any game/series) Boku no hero UnderTale DeltaRune Sonic(Series) Ben 10 Diablo League of Legends Wakfu Miraculous Ladybug Bleach D&D Yu-Gi-Oh Gargoyles Aliens(Franchise, and in general) Kaiju(Monsters in general, not just the franchises) Gundam (any series) Hazbin Hotel Helluva Boss Murder Drones Starwars Critical Role Destiny Warframe Panty & Stocking Resident Evil(all series)

RULES: More may be added at a later time. But for now please read and follow.

I absolutely do not "one line", I have told many people this and sometimes I do make exceptions depending on the situation like if you are tired and its late, or you are not feeling up to rp. If you continue to one-line after I give you a warning, After that, I will simply not reply.

I do not in any shape or form condone rape. I am ok with rough sex or maybe being dominate with my partner, but I will not participate in rape of any kind sorry.

I will do my best to message you first as soon as possible. If you do not get a message from me right away, its most likely because I thought I did or I forgot. So please let me know if I have yet to talk to you yet. I do not treat anyone as a number.

If you have a problem with the way I RP, then please let me know. I have no problems changing things to make the rp more pleasant for both parties. Whether it be either grammar, or possibly with how you prefer actions or talking to be placed in either ** or "". Please just let me know, and I will see how I can change it to make it more pleasing to you.

I am completely fine with rough to kinky sex, but I hate abusive sex. Examples: forcing me to suck, ride, fuck you when I do not want too. cussing me out while we fuck for the sake of demeaning someone during it to make yourself seem superior or saying you can do that just because your Dom/alpha is bullshit. If you do this I will tell you to quit it, but if you whine about not being allowed to be yourself you will be blocked enough said.

I enjoy futas/shemales/dickgirls as much as everyone else. But if you plan to stick anything in me, you will get the same treatment in return. Its how I see its fair. I do not care of your "DOM" or "Your only comfortable with giving". With that said, I do have a preferences towards woman, and futas.

Sorry guys, not into you! Especially not into fembois, sissies, or traps. With that stated, didn't think I would have to emphasis this, but I am not into Men. I will play them, but will not ship with them. So to make it clear. I do not do M/M, nor Futa/Male. Trans is questionable, and needs to be discussed with me.

[mako-neexu]

Aahh you read Death is the only ending for the villainess too!! I love the story and the artist's fate fanart they've done. Callisto actually resembles Gilgamesh to me sometimes though that just might be the coloring. However, an Obeguda death is the only ending au 👀👀...

SERIOUSLY!!!! I thought at first: "Why is Ou-sama here!?!?!?" XD wwwww But he's the best!!! Callisto is the best male lead ever!!!! I read the manhwa a few months ago but I just got back to it now and I have brainrot over it wwww

I loved your idea so I made mini fic!! TvT

I would have loved for Hakuno x Gil death is the only ending AU, but I'm not familiar with her yet ehehe. But I did my best with Obeguda!! Thank you for ask!! I didn't know anon likes both fgo and maybe villainess manhwa 😂🥰

Also the mini fic ended in yakudou trio moment hahaha XDD

-

Ritsuka knew something was wrong the moment their highnesses had entered the ballroom.

It was the crown prince who had always occupied the emperor’s seat, if only by proxy as he was said to be sickly according to the novel…

She knew who would be sitting on that damned massive chair. But as soon as she saw Tristan and Baobhan Sith by Morgan’s side-

She had a terrible hunch about a certain someone’s reaction.

Of course, of course. They wouldn’t invite the likes of him to the crown princess’ birthday party. Still, Morgan and her children should have known by now that nothing ever good comes out of angering him.

She cringed at the thought and decided to stay away from one of the people who would one-hundred-percent guarantee her death.

As fate would have it, the doors slammed wide open, the loud bang causing screams of shock and confusion to spread throughout the room.

Baobhan’s shriek was one that ripped through all of the noise, “M-Mother–!!! H-He’s carrying a–!!”

“A corpse.”

The uninvited guest cheerfully spoke as the dull thud of the body was accompanied by a wet noise, “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of what happens to people at the end of their life, my little sister?”

Goddamnit, Oberon Vortigern!!!

While maintaining a fairy-tale like facade, he could easily kill someone with one hand, sword or not. The novel said that that wasn’t his “true” appearance per say, as he only revealed it to the real heroine of the story, Titania, when their relationship eventually progressed.

It was hard enough to get through his route in easy mode, but now that she was playing the role of a villainess?

It was practically impossible to make sure she gets at least ten percent on this cursed affection meter on top of their heads!

Still, she would have to find out if the reset button exists, her only hope of going back to her world.

After the bloodstained prince had said his piece towards the family sitting on the throne, a game notification appeared in place.

A new episode had begun: “The Prince of Liars and Fairies, Oberon Vortigern.”

Would you like to be teleported to the maze garden?

>[YES]

[NO]

Ritsuka half-wished her only friend in this world was right by her side. 

Castoria!!! You were fucking right!!!! She should have just stayed in the forest with her instead of attending this stupid ball!! ARGHHHH!!!!

Nevertheless, she pressed on the [YES] button before the timer for it counted down ahead of her. Seriously, why even put a [NO] option? When she gets her hands on the being who thrusted her into this world…

Her next blink was the sight of the very garden itself that Titania had confessed her love to. And the very place Oberon swore to protect her.

Ritsuka had to admit that what she was doing was stupid… but she had to try for that reset button. To be able to get back home, to be able to survive in this messed up game.

—

“I connected shit.”

“No, you didn’t! Oh my god! For the hundredth time, it's because you were going to kill me back then!”

“Nope, nope. Lalalala~ I’m able to see lies~ You know that well by now!”

“Urgh, Castoria!!!!!”

The fairy could only snort and laugh at her two friends. She also didn’t think they would be able to genuinely fall in love with each other, but here they are, arguing already like an old married couple.

“Oi, oi, who are you calling an old married couple!?” The prince growled out, reaching out to painfully pinch her cheek- “H-Hey, that hurts! Isn’t that true though!? Gah!”

“It is not!” They simultaneously said, like an old married couple.

Ritsuka puffed her cheeks before crossing her arms, “As if you don’t act like one with the greatest blacksmith in the kingdom.”

The way her face immediately heated up as she stuttered caused her to internally scream while spewing out excuses, “W-What the!? Muramasa!? That boomer!? Are you serious, Ritsuka!? Psh, as if! He lectures me way too much! I really really hate it! I also hate how he g-g-g-gets rid of his shirt off whenever it's scorching hot. Fuck, I hate him! AAAAA-”

And Ritsuka’s laugh caused her to finally shut up. “Cas, I never said anything about Muramasa.”

“Weren’t you paying attention, tomboy?” Castoria didn’t miss the way her friend’s hand was entwined against Ritsuka’s own.

With Oberon’s tongue sticking out and a finger against his cheek to pull a mocking face at her, she grabbed onto her sword with a battle cry to destroy his ass for pushing her into a beauty contest with Knocknarea and Bageko from last month. Ugh, she should rob him too while she’s at it.

Ritsuka had to admit that her experiences here were nothing compared to what she usually witnessed back home…being the center of a reverse harem novel world of all things…but her goals have not yet changed.

She will still do her best to find a way back home even if the chances of finding it seems kinda bleak. But with moments like this, underneath the sunlight with two of the people she cherished the most, she finds that she could forget about those thoughts for a while and be at peace with them.

[theofficersacademy]

                                 Delthea   Sain   Forde   Kris (M)                        Soren   Leonardo   Lianna   Micaiah   Python                               Griss   Mark   Sylvain   Sigurd   Azama

TEAM TAG: #AOpi2024 WEEK ONE

The cardinal took you as far as she could go, promising to await before the rift, that your safe return be secured.

'As far as she could go' was not far, it turned out. When she tore open the rift, it was on the wall of a shop within the town nestled at the base of the mountain Garreg Mach sits upon. A little close to home, was it not?

Well... No time like the present to jump right in!

The water rushes in, faster than you can get out of the way. The half-built settlement you'd woken to is nearly submerged now, and still the water rises, taking with it hopes and dreams already short in supply.

You make it out, somehow. But not all of you did. Some mourn their losses quietly. One wails and shrieks, cursing the goddess and her foul temperament.

A strange pang clutches at your chest. Just how many homes must you lose in such short order...?

After some time, Keranes clears her throat.

"We... we must go on."

WHAT YOU KNOW

Your first home was destroyed in a blaze of light, and then your second home fell to a massive flood before it could ever get off its feet.

At least, that's what you remember, even though you're pretty sure you haven't been here for quite so long.

These few people remaining... they consider you part of their family. The lot of you are all any of you have left, after all.

The only thing you can do is persevere and seek yet another refuge, someplace you might be able to call home again one day. Your current best prospect lies on the other side of the Ruthalia mountains, where you hope the people - known to be generous - will welcome and shelter you,

and so that's where you're heading.

WHAT TO DO

Right now, it's about survival. Very little was salvaged in your wild escape from the flood. Even as you head to a new location to settle anew, you still need to eat, drink, and steer clear of danger.

Easier said than done, given your current route is slated to take you through the cavernous tunnels beneath Ruthalia.

Food

Being strictly vegetarian, your fellow villagers are familiar with some of the edible stuff around here and will be glad to help point it out if need be. Mosses, lichens, scraggly herbs... Hope you like salads.

(Or bugs, if you're of the obligate carnivore or 'damn I really want protein' persuasion. Just watch out for the cave spiders, is all.)

Roll 1d10 for every post after your starter. Starting with your third, with every post, add +1 to your d10. 1-8: +1 food (your choice if plant or insect) 9-10+: ping key

Water

You chance across the occasional subterranean pool of water, aglow with bioluminescence. That's... probably still drinkable, right? Just. Maybe boil it first, or something.

Roll 1d10 for every post after your starter. Starting with your third, with every post, add +1 to your d10. 1-7: +1 water 8-9: there's something in the water. watch out, it's coming right for you...! 10+: ping key

Wood

Light is life, some say, and it turns out you've very few torches on hand, much less wood to burn for warmth. You can't very well feasibly lug cords of wood along with you either, so what's one to do?

The villagers note there are fungi down here that should serve well as combustible fuel, and prove lighter than wood to boot.

Roll 1d10 for every post after your starter. Starting with your third, with every post, add +1 to your d10. For every full rank in Axe present, subtract -1 from your d10. 1-7: +1 combustible 8-10+: oh no! spores erupt from the forest of fungi. better hope they're not toxic. . .

Night Shift

You take turns playing sentry for the night - or what you assume to be night, given your sense of time underground is just a mite skewed. Who knows what dangers await in the dark?

This might be a good time to chat and bond with your teammates and fellow villagers.

Roll 1d10 for every post after your starter. Starting with your third, with every post, add +1 to your d10. 1-7: all is well 8-9: a creeping moss and snaking brambles have begun to encroach on your group - better find some way to fend them off before they snatch away a teammate 10+: ping key

IMPORTANT NOTES

Apollyon Ouranos is intended to be mostly driven by the players unless otherwise stated. The above prompts are intended first and foremost as a setting to play in. You are not expected to spend every single post going 'oh i found a mushroom. yay. +1 for me.' Focus on bonding with your teammates!

Short replies are encouraged. At the moment, there is no set time limit for replying, but players who are absent should be skipped accordingly. Be sure to communicate with your team in chat.

IC failure should not be taken to mean your narrative is doomed.

A word on NPCs: If I am available and have spoons, I may provide NPC interaction - however, at present, NPCs are fair game to be played with much as you would use an NPC within a regular non-event thread. You should have at least one accompanying you in your thread at all times.

Team Pi's team doc! Please do use it to take notes, keep track of materials, and overall jot down any important information to share with the team. Failure to do so may incur IC consequences. . .

Ping Mod Key for questions or additional info.

[fang-and-feather]

Fandom: Star-Crossed Myth

Rating: G

Category: F/M, M/M, Multi

Relationship: Scorpio/Zyglavis/MC

Prompt(s): Day 5 - Awakening and Day 11 - Wedding from @polyamships

Summary: Scorpio and Zyglavis lost count of how long they've been waiting for their girlfriend to wake up, but they would wait forever for their reunion. Now that the time has come, they have to decide how to make their future together

This is a polyamorous alternative to the ending of Scorpio's route. I really wanted something a little more elaborated but it ended up just being a few scenes, but maybe I'll do a rewrite some other time.

To think I haven't written for SCM in about a month...

@voltagefandomproject

AO3 Version / Star-Crossed Myth Masterlist / General Masterlist

Zyglavis sighed upon sighting Scorpio, exactly where he expected his vice-minister to be, sitting by their girlfriend’s side while she slept.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t just sleeping naturally and would wake up if they made too much noise. She was asleep because she had exhausted her powers to save Earth, thousands of years ago, and she had slept all that time.

Now the power of Heaven’s Rift should allow her to recover enough to wake up, but it had been a while since the rift started and she was still sleeping.

Scorpio had set a spot for her far away from the house, on a secret spot only he - and now Zyglavis - knew. Mostly because Ichthys kept trying to play pranks on her for when she woke up. Both of them had been visiting once a day, when they had time from work, and brought her flowers. Since the flowers in the heavens wouldn’t wilt, the place had gone from desolate to littered with a carpet of flowers. It was a beautiful but sad sight.

Since heaven’s rift began, Scorpio had been visiting more frequently, wanting for at least one of them to be there when she woke up. Since Zyglavis was the Minister of the Department of Punishments and Scorpio was the Vice-Minister, he was the one who found it easier to get more time to be there.

Zyglavis sat behind Scorpio and warped an arm around him, reaching his other hand to caress their girlfriend’s cheek.

“I’m sorry, my beloved, but can I steal Scorpio away from you for a moment?”

Of course there was no answer, but both of them had grown a habit of talking to her when they were alone.

Scorpio let out a resigned sigh.

“We’ll be back soon.” He kissed her forehead.

If it depended on Zyglavis, they would stay until she woke up. He’d been letting Scorpio get away with it for the past few days. But the power of Heaven’s Rift was growing and destabilizing the powers of the gods. Half of their department was having difficulty doing their work. She would understand if they weren’t there.

The two stood up, and Scorpio turned to look at Zyglavis.

“Heaven’s Rift is always such a pain.” Scorpio groaned. “It either messes with our powers or gives us a lot more work.” His gaze softened a little as he looked back at their sleeping girlfriend. “The only good thing about this is that she’ll wake up soon.”

“Have you decided what we’ll do about the wedding?”

Gods married for life. They could only ever have one partner, even if that partner died. Not that gods died often. But it meant only one of them could marry their girlfriend. Or neither of them. But Zyglavis knew the idea of having a family had been on Scorpio’s mind, even while their girlfriend was human.

“You should marry her. At least the idiots who keep telling you to leave us and marry some random high ranking goddess will leave us alone.”

“That is not a good reason. I have dealt with them for far longer than you have been a god. You were her first boyfriend, though, and the one who fought the most for this relationship.”

“We should just ask her or not get married at all. It won’t change our relationship either way. Let’s get that work done already.”

Since Scorpio was growing moody, Zyglavis decided to leave the subject be again. He wanted to make sure they made the right decision, but Scorpio was right, it wouldn’t change anything.

Sharing a brief kiss, they returned to the palace together.

More time passed and Heaven’s Rift’s power had reached its peak and started wanning already. The two took turns visiting their girlfriend whenever work would allow, which meant spending even less time with each other that wasn’t work related.

It was Scorpio who was with her when she finally woke up, so Zyglavis was taken by surprise when they showed up in his room.

She immediately threw herself in his arms, tears shining in her eyes, before she buried her face in his chest. Zyglavis held her tight.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up,” he whispered.

“It’s okay. You’re here now.” She told him between soft sobs. “Scorpio told me you were taking turns because of work. I know both of you couldn’t have left at the same time.”

They rarely could. When she was human, they rarely had an opportunity to go on a date together. The most time they had the three of them was at night.

“Hey!” Scorpio called out. “I know you missed each other and all, but we don’t have time for that. What will we do now?”

The wedding. Gods could only marry while Heaven’s Rift increased the power of the Fountain of Love, which should bless a couple’s commitment. If they were going to do it, they had very little time before Heaven’s Rift lost its power.

“I talked with the King,” Zyglavis had told Scorpio they would ask their partner when she woke up, but he had tried to find an alternative.

“Like that bastard would help, even if he knew how.” Scorpio cut him.

Zyglavis sighed, giving up on chastising Scorpio for his rudeness. Not that it had worked before.

“Actually, he told me that no one had ever tried a triple marriage before. The law that says gods can only marry once, only means that once a union is officialized, that god can’t seek another blessing from the fountain. But there is no precedence to trying to marry more than one partner at the same time.”

“So, he basically said we’re on our own.” Scorpio still didn’t sound convinced.

“That’s better than a straight no.” Their girlfriend pulled back only enough to smile at Scorpio. “We’ll get the Fountain’s blessing. I know we will. And… even if we don’t, I still want to do this with both of you.”

How could any of them say no to such enthusiasm and love? How could anyone?

Zyglavis couldn’t believe that they were actually permitted to marry, though. All three of them.

The King said, later, that they were granted that exception because of the strength of their love and commitment to each other.

There were a lot of rumors and gossip about them from the other gods. Of course there was. Zyglavis was used to them. High-ranking gods were always targets of something like that, even when they weren’t doing anything unusual.

And not much about their relationship was usual. From the fact there were three of them; that a relationship between two male gods was already rare by itself - especially considering they could change form at will; - to the fact that both Zyglavis’ partners were once human - and these ascensions were also very rare; - and the work relationship Scorpio and Zyglavis had.

But these opinions didn’t matter to them.

The other gods of the zodiac, especially the ones from the Department of Punishments, were happy for them, though, and excited for the wedding.

They chose to hold a ceremony similar to Earth's weddings, something like what their female partner had dreamed of when she was still a human.

To think they would be allowed such happiness. Or even that they would want it.

In the past, Zyglavis thought that, if he ever got married, it would be a political commitment to some high-ranking goddess. He never imagined he would find two partners he loved from the bottom of his heart and could not see himself living without.

They had gone through lots of challenges to get where they were now, but their relationships only served for them to grow and change for the better. And there would be more challenges in the future, but they could look into each other's eyes and swear that they would make each other happy and keep them safe.

Their relationship was their safe space, and no matter what the future held, they would always be together.

Star-Crossed Myth Masterlist / General Masterlist

[hawkezone]

THE SEAT OF POWER: PT 2

In the wake of Fen'Harel's escape, former Inquisitor Angus Trevelyan handles his transition from being Ostwick's most finicky and least eligible bachelor to being on the arm of Minrathous's finest; while juggling the beginnings of an elven rebellion. A Trevelyan-Dorian & Fen(m!)hawke imagining of the events leading up to Dread Wolf, Part Two.

CHAPTERS: ♕ [1] [2] [3] [4]

♕

Chapter Two: Letters from Varric

“Broody.

I know you’re going to kill me when you get this, so be patient and maybe don’t go all out on that tear my heart out thing until you hear the whole story.

First off, Hawke is fine. I know you’re going to ask, so I’ll try to give you a play by play of how everything went over in Adamant Keep. Yes, Adamant. Wardens. Again, please reserve your murder of me for later.

You haven’t met Lucky, but he’s the Inquisitor. Nice guy. Real fancy type. You would hate him. Least of all because his paramour is an actual mage from Tevinter. No, not a magister. Not yet, anyway. He’s very insistent about that. They’re a good bunch, though. I imagine you’ll find that hard to believe.

This next part is the part you’re going to murder me for, so brace yourself. Apparently, in the heat of trying to chase down Warden-Commander Clarel, Lucky here tore open a passageway straight between our world and the Fade and - I shit you not - ended up walking bodily in the Fade itself. One of his lucky passengers was your man Chuckles, although he wasn’t too happy about it at the time.

You’re not going to believe this next part, but the thing that pulled Lucky out of the Fade in the first place, when he got saved from the Breach? The Divine Justinia herself, according to eye witness accounts. She couldn't save us in the end, though. Not from the giant thing that split the sky open and tried to keep us from leaving.

Your man tried to play the hero - or should I say, Champion - to distract the giant thing for long enough for the rest of us to scramble out of the Breach. I know, I know, if I’d have been there I would’ve thrown him through the Breach to stop him myself. You’ll be happy to know that Stroud took that last stand - and it was heroic by all accounts, from what Chuckles tells me. A real noble death for a real, noble Grey Warden. I guess Hawke was right about leaving without telling you, though - you two would have squabbled to the death over who gets to sacrifice themselves for who until you dissolved into a teary-eyed mess of sorrow and dramatic lingering kisses. We call you Broody for a reason, you know.

So the Warden trail doesn’t stop there, right? Hawke is en route to Weisshaupt, right as I’m penning this missive, which means that he should be there right about when you’re receiving it. He says he’s worried about you following him because he’s not sure about putting you in the eyeline of Corypheus, but you deserve to know. What you do with that is up to you. I’m guessing you two had a long, measured, very logical talk about what to do in this eventuality, and it wasn’t just a yelling match followed by several hours of slow yet tender lovemaking before Hawke disappeared in the middle of the night with a letter detailing how he would lay down his life for you and pine away every night in the absence of your presence. I assume. Liberties were taken.

He really would die for you, you know. And I can’t stop you from going to Weisshaupt. Just make sure you two keep each other alive instead of burning up in each other’s arms, okay?

See you there. When this is over. Or sooner.

Your friend,

Varric.”

Scanning the last few lines again - and again, and again - Fenris’s eyes grew wide. He could scarcely believe the gall of Varric to let Hawke wander headfirst into danger again. Taking the letter - and the heavy string and seal that came with it, and the inkpot next to the receiving desk, and the quill for good measure - Fenris slammed the stuff against the wall in an angry gesture of pure destruction, letting out an exasperated howl. The people downstairs, he had hoped, were used to some occasional angry screaming by now; the things Varric had sent in his letters hadn’t exactly been non-screaming material.

As the ink blotted downwards through the wood onto the straw-matted floor, Fenris sighed, and picked up the letter again. Weisshaupt. But of course Varric had intended for him to follow Hawke, all along; he wouldn’t have mentioned it otherwise. The dwarf, though one could argue he was sentimental, wasn’t so much so as to put his best friend in danger. Hawke, it was evident, needed him. And Varric was saying as much, in his way. No doubt the Lady Nightingale was reading each of his every word.

He was already furious with Hawke for stealing away in the night, though he knew why he had done so - they had, indeed, had a bombastically loud screaming match the night before he had slipped off to Skyhold, wherein Hawke refused to tell him where he had been summoned - by the dread Inquisition, no less - and, worst of all, why. For his safety, Hawke had said, and Fenris had never accepted Hawke placing his life above his own. It was true, though. Had he known where Hawke had gone, and where he would go, he would have gone with him, or, worse, tried to stop him from going. Hawke was never one to be stopped, though, and that was one of the things Fenris loved most dearly about him.

Nobody could have guessed that Hawke would end up physically walking in the Fade, however - Maker, but that would drive a man mad. Fenris, despite himself being still rather a bit mad at Hawke, crumpled the remains of the ink-splattered letter in his hand, wondering if Hawke was all right. To simply touch him and make sure he was whole again - that was worth everything in the world.

It wasn’t a matter on the table, then, it was decided: He was off to Weisshaupt. Once he was done being absolutely furious at both Varric and Hawke.

This was going to take a while.

-

“Aveline.

First things first. Is it true that Choir Boy led an army of Starkhaven crusaders in a misguided attempt to annex Kirkwall? In service of his feelings about Blondie? I don’t like the guy much either, but you know that’s an overstatement. Feels good to know you beat him back, though. Curly gave me the report. I’m proud of you. I bet you get that a lot, though.

How’s Donnic? You think I’m prying for inspiration, but I hope you two are doing all right. []”

-

“Dear Sunshine,

Your brother is fine, and he says hello. There! No need to worry.

Just kidding. I know you’ll have a million and one questions about what happened since I left you in Tantervale. How are Aveline and Donnic, by the way? If you get anything juicy pried out of her next time she visits, send it to me. No real secrets, though, just maybe enough spice to pepper into the next issue of Swords and Shields.

You’ve probably figured out Hawke was on his way to rendezvous with the Inquisition, and you’d be right. Don’t worry, I’ve been with him the entire time. He’s safe, and on his way to the next part of this whole twisted mystery. I let Fenris know where he went so they can keep each other company. Maybe mow down a few darkspawn and Red Templars along the way.

Apropos of nothing, you might want to consider taking an elongated vacation to the ancient Grey Warden fortress of Weisshaupt in the Anderfel Mountains sometime during the next few months. Maybe something of familial interest there.

Send my regards to the others in the Circle. Or what’s left of it, anyway.

Stay safe, and see you soon,

Your friend,

Varric.”

Bethany clutched the letter to her chest, and sighed wistfully out the window. The cold of the tower she had been staying in, with Aveline and Donnic’s occasional company when they rode up from Kirkwall, had been especially fraught these last few days, but she was well and truly glad to hear from Varric.

Taking a piece of bread and whipped, sweetcream butter from a tablet by her bedside, Bethany chewed thoughtfully, squinting at the sun rising beyond the walls of Tantervale. She was happy her brother was all right - after all this time, he was still truly her best friend, as they had been since birth. Together, they had weathered so much - the death of their father, brother, and then mother; the reuniting of their uncle with the rest of their family, and the ascent in reclaiming the Hawke name as one to be truly proud of. Though she knew he was out doing important business, he’d always be her brother, and he’d always be thinking of her. It made Bethany feel safe, in a way. They would always have each other - Bethany was sure of it, and, for once, she felt the fabric of the world agree with her. Nothing would tear them apart - though Hawke’s insistence on trying to fix all of Thedas’s problems might tear him apart physically, away from this life.

-

[dazzlerazz]

ancient being fallout guy anon here. sorry to assume you are not vampiric age, as myself-- if you are as ancient as the sea- perhaps we have a friendship building!

that is to say im in my mid twenties lmao

anyway.. Im a newer follower i think- to your account. Tell me about your favourite fire emblem characters (Ashe) ((not clickbait))

FALLOUT ANON IS BACK!!!

I'm not too far off from you lol, I'm definitely not older than you but I'm not a kid

So I'm a new fire emblem fan I'll admit, I've only ever played three houses and three hopes, so I can't speak for characters of the older games :C but I am steadily learning

Out of the rosters of three houses and three hopes, I have to say that I have a deep love for every character and their story! Of course I'm an Ashe fan, head over heels, it's obvious if anybody looks at my account for like two seconds lol

I'm in absolute love with Mercedes, just to name drop another

I have a particular fondness for the Blue Lions, as they were the first route I did and my introduction to the series as a whole

I love basically everyone, maybe the only non-villain character I dislike is F!Byleth

As someone who identifies with he/him pronouns, I played as M!Byleth, so I really love him and I'm biased. Something about playing as F!Byleth for even one route made me uncomfortable, I could make out an entire list as to how I don't like her. Not as in like a "I hate her and you should too!", just as to why I personally wouldn't play as her again

I can love Mercedes for her soft and motherly nature, I love Ferdinand for his ambitiousness, I can love Linhardt for his perceived laziness but he's so much more. I can love Marianne for her story, I can love Sylvain for his skirt chaser self, I can love Caspar for his himbo ways, I can love Dorothea and empathize with what she went through

I'm in love with all the moving parts of this world, it's one of my favorites of all time, aside from Tes 5 (which is a whole other story lol)

Apologies for the rant lmao

[goldom]

AFoLiS author commentary Part 5-1

Okay, so I'm not going to sit here and re(-re-re-re-)read the entire novel for this, but I'll just have a quick scan for anything I want to comment on.

...okay haha right off the bat I discover I accidentally made a parallel between the very first line of this part and the upcoming one. Please pretend I never said that and that it's all intentional.

After having written parts 3 and 4 at the same time, this was the first time in a while I was writing a story in order and I didn't know where it was going yet. But even early on, we get some hints toward one of the main problems for later. Right in chapter 1, Stelle is weirdly tired, which she's already suspected is related to lacking the Stellaron. But what neither of them are suspicious of yet is Firefly's strength.

“You’ve gotten so strong,” you say, marveling. “I guess PT did its job,” Firefly says, steadying you. “More than that. I don’t think you could have lifted me like that before.” “Well, I am spending a lot more time outside of her than I used to.”

In retrospect, it's interesting that when prompted to talk about her time with Glamoth, Firefly tells stories of what was done to her and of the people she knew – but never of what she herself did. She's not proud of it.

Every one of them deserved to live just as much as me, Stelle. Please remember that. I wasn’t anything special. I was lucky. That’s it.”

I'm so glad that, at least this far, canon has gone this route. I was scared they were going to make her be the Empress, and I think it would have ruined her character.

“No, I’m sure. I’d love you whether you were a girl, a boy, anything else, even an inorganic species. As long as you looked at me the way you do, it wouldn’t change anything.”

As much as part of me wanted to write a story about two lesbian characters, that's not who Firefly is. While I don't agree that Caelus/Stelle are interchangeable, not in the way society views them or what it means for them to do the things they do, there's no denying that Firefly loves either of them exactly the same. In a word, you could call her pan, but then, as she says, "It’s only you." Even she doesn't know who she could have ever ended up with if not for Stelle. Likely nobody.

Probably the most obvious parallel, Part 5 Chapter 3, Stelle:

From different worlds in different eras, and yet she fits me. Maybe this is why I was born.

Chapter 10, Firefly:

You’ll protect her forever. No doubt in the world. Maybe this is why I was born.

And the only one they ever actually discuss openly, in Chapter 25:

“Sometimes,” Stelle finally says, but has to pause to moisten her dry mouth. “Sometimes I think maybe I was born for you.” “Really?” It’s a sweet, if meaningless phrase. Except it’s not meaningless, because… “I’ve thought the same thing about myself.”

Chapter 4 is the first time outside the side stories I was writing Firefly's POV. It took me a while to figure out a voice for her. Early on, she uses a lot of brief sentence fragments, but that's really not accurate to her. In canon, she talks way more flowery than Stelle, and so I eventually dropped that feature. Of course, Chapter 4 was my response to playing 2.3. The beauty of that moment, followed by the crushing emptiness of never getting to say goodbye. I think they really bungled that part. Even if we're going to see her again soon, even if in canon it's only a few weeks to irl's months, it doesn't matter, you say goodbye to someone that important to you.

Part 5 Chapter 4, Firefly:

They made me wrong. They messed up and built a girl to love you.

Chapter 28, Stelle:

Made to hold a Stellaron? Maybe they made me wrong, too.

Stelle helps Firefly dream, but she's interrupted by sleep paralysis. Like I said, I didn't know what I was doing with this story early on, and this... was kinda pointless. If you were looking for a meaningful interpretation of the dream woman, you weren't going to find one, because I didn't have one, which should have been a hint to me to not include it. However. I have one now. And I have made some subtle tweaks to the scene to fit. Instead of "You're new here," the woman now says,

“You’re finally here,” she calls. “But we’re not alone, are we? Our little talk will have to wait.”

Firefly wants so, so bad to be able to Write to Stelle that she keeps pretending she can. She knows how incredible it can feel to have someone love you directly into your mind. I'm jealous too.

“It’s pronounced ‘Vonwacq.’ And why do you keep calling it that?” “Vonn… W…ack.” Stelle tries again. “Waaahk?” “Just like it’s spelled. Vonwacq.”

This is a reference to 1970s sitcom Barney Miller, in which Detective Wojohowitz is constantly exasperated at people not being able to spell or pronounce his name and uses this line, as if it's easy. No, I did not expect anybody to ever catch this except maybe my mom, and she didn't until I told her.

I said it at the time, but the idea of Firefly carrying around hand sanitizer for Stelle is the absolute pinnacle of romance and I'll never beat it. This is the kind of thing she doesn't even think about, because she's so focused on needing to return Stelle's grand gesture of saving her life. But Stelle sees it, and she feels loved for it.

Then in the hotel, we have the first of my more overt references to the subtle homophobia of the world, the feeling othered. The clerk doesn't do anything wrong. She's not trying to be bigoted. But when you're on the receiving end of it over and over, it gets to you. And Stelle shoves back.

And then again later when it comes to getting the check at dinner. I guarantee 99% of people have no clue this is a thing, but let me tell you. When I transitioned? Suddenly. Suddenly every time my now-spouse and I went out, we were getting asked if we needed separate checks. It took me a while to figure out why.

Of course you’ve seen other oceanic worlds. Some of them even still exist.

man I love that line.

In scenes like on the beach the first night, I really figured out how to write the two of them differently, at least for this part. Stelle, having already overcome the worst and saved Firefly, is in a state of euphoria. She's constantly thinking in the most over-the-top, elegant phrases, like

She pulls out the vibrance in every scene she stands before, like a touch of makeup on the face of the world.

While Firefly, still lost in doubt, uses more down-to-earth language. For now. But once she finds her way forward, it all changes.

That’s not the kind of thing you say. You say things like ‘for as long as we can.’ Not anymore. Not for Stelle. Stelle gets ‘forever.’

Then we meet Erik. I wasn't sure if people would catch on immediately that introducing a named OC was a bad sign for his survival chances. Oh, I guess I should say though, I guess I did that again with the mention of March's date at the very end of the story. Don't worry, she's not about to die.

Okay this is too long already. More later.

[inkofamethyst]

November 2, 2023

Mmmm in the mood for some of those shortbread cookies I used to bake all the time in college. Maybe with some strawberry or blackcurrant jam. More economical (and probably healthier) than buying lofthouse cookies or oreos biweekly lol.

Bernadette Banner released another sewing video and the cape is so lovely, as is the little bag collab she has. I'm slowly getting into purses and the price is definitely steep, but I could totally save for it over time (this strategy also ensures I'm actually interested in the item rather than reacting to an influencer (even though I probably could just buy it outright, the waiting period serves an important purpose)). The other purses at that shop are just darling too. Anyway she released the video and the bag was out of stock in less than a day lol.

The dynamic contrast of Kronos Revealed (M Giacchino) brings me to tears sometimes. And I know part of it has to do with instrumentation and maybe even mixing but it's just so masterful. The Incredibles soundtrack really is something beyond. The BTAS orchestration is so amazing and has a similar nostalgic quality to it that modern superhero movies just aren't hitting (not that they need to, as style trends change across all industries, plus the settings are quite different). Music can give content so much more than an emotional route for the viewer to follow. For me, music plays such a huge role in giving a movie/show/game/video a sense of setting. When created with intention and care, it can help turn the setting into a character beyond a sandbox for the actors, I think, for me.

Today I'm thankful that we're over halfway through the semester. And, in the effort to celebrate little wins, I'm also thankful that I'm slowly but surely learning this semester, specifically from regen. While I may not be as quick with my thoughts/critiques/questions as the undergrads in that class (and I've kind of just settled into that discomfort, though I probably should put in extra effort to reach their level, I'm just putting my energy elsewhere (I wonder how long I can keep saying that "I'm adjusting")), I am taking in the information about experimental techniques! One of the postdocs in the lab gave a presentation this week, and I was able to understand a lot more about the methodology than I would have at the beginning of the semester!!! Maybe I didn't get everything, but this is progress.

Also, some rapid-fire's: Thankful that my evodevo prof extended the take home exam time via email sent exactly a minute after I woke up this morning to write three essays (that I'd previously outlined) in four hours (and while it probably would've worked [edit: lol] (I timed my sleep so well) I'm glad I didn't have to put it to the test) because I most certainly had overbooked myself this week (okay maybe these aren't going to be as rapid fire as I'd thought). Thankful for free hot apple cider and an apple donut this morning at some random event in front of my department's building on the coldest morning of the semester so far (first time having an apple donut and it was so good those people may have a repeat customer)!!!! Thankful that I don't have to care about my grades as much these days because otherwise I'd probably be spiraling after today's regen exam/quiz thing haha. ha. [edit 2, the following tuesday: I did better than I did the first exam...? feeling like this class is kinda graded on "did you try?" vibes and I don't hate it but it is certainly odd (maybe I just can't accept that I understand more than I think I do and it's just a lot of imposter syndroming)] Thankful that the postdoc I've been working with/learning from this week is a lot more chill as a person than her demeanor when evaluating other people's work initially led me to believe. Thankful that the undergrads in the lab are really cool (they know so much more than me lol)!!! And lastly, thankful that I actually got a 95, not an 89, on my anatomy midterm (even though, of course, I don't care :P) [edit: must clarify that I did not submit for a regrade bc I actually don't care enough to make the effort for that, they just did a whole-class one].

[lawrencegarte]

perception of fe3h is basically entirely governed by which route you pick first, picking dimitri or edelgard instills a fast acting poison in you that makes you believe your darling is righteous and deserving of empathy and compassion even at their lowest moments and that the other is The Adversary who fucks up at every turn. Claude fans tend to be more chill about the whole thing and if you played the church route first it's likely you messed up somehow or wanted the rhea coochie, i m o

oh for sure i think starting with blue lions instilled a bias into me that i was actively trying to keep at bay for the whole of my crimson flowers run but like... she's just nonsensical. her war is garbage. it's selfish and above all DUMB like she's just not... smart??? her whole worldview is clouded by bad shit that happened to her as a kid, and it was bad! i'm not unsympathetic to her plight! but uhhhhhhh lysithea was also experimented on as a child and she carries this immense trauma with her and she never started a war about it. and then like, claude's ideals line up quite closely with edelgard's, but she just... won't accept his help, because "without sufficient knowledge of this land's suffering, i can't entrust fodlan to you" HUH?????????? WHAT????????????

she also had to have the idea of free education for all brought to her by ferdinand of all people five years into the war. and what are her plans for relations with almyra, or even duscur?? is she going to work towards restoring duscur, or is she just like, well, i murdered dedue so my work in continuing the genocide of an oppressed people is done! good job everyone let's pack it up!

and then it's like, kind of hinted that those who slither in the dark are manipulating her in other routes, but in her own route that really... doesn't seem to be the case?? but also it makes zero sense that she's working with them?? they literally do nothing to help her cause and then actively hinder her by destroying fort merceus when arundel feels threatened. hell, those are the people you should be focusing the imperial army towards, then MAYBE if you REALLY still feel like for some reason you MUST plnge fodlan into a years-long war that kills thousands of innocents and destroys people's lives, do that *after* taking out your horrible uncle. dumbass. she's stupid and verdant wind has made me actively hate her aside from the general mild dislike and overall annoyance i felt about her before.

i do want rhea coochie tho.