#maybe i should go listen to my stranger things playlists and see if anything inspires

[ghostlynimbus]

For figuring out the plot reasons I need to get feral and unhinged about a few more stranger things characters for this gods and goddesses au

[undiscovered-horizon]

Eleventh Doctor x insecure/ anxious reader?

🫀REQUESTS ARE OPEN🫀 || Doctor Who-inspired playlist

"Cold feet" - 11th Doctor x Reader

SUMMARY: Funnily enough, after facing death and vicious aliens, it's small talk with strangers that gives you cold feet. Fortunately enough, you found yourself in the company of an expert on running away.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 1.9k

A/N: As an anxious person I cannot be thankful enough for people in my life who casually roll with my anxiety and don't try to "fix" it with cheap advice

"Time Lord to human! Are you listening to me?"

The sudden yelling shook you awake. Only then did you realize you zoned out in the first place, letting Doctor's rushed words brush right by you. You looked at him only to see pure annoyance seeping from his expression. Although you never meant to hurt him, the guilt still gnawed at you.

"Sorry, missed the last bit," you explained yourself as you awkwardly rubbed the back of your neck. "What were you saying?"

Instead of repeating his scientific ramblings which definitely would have been a little too fast and complex for you to understand, he shifted his posture to rest his hands on his hips. You felt as if he had caught you red-handed doing something he had absolutely prohibited you from doing.

"Oi, what's going on with you? It's like you've lost your head."

You absentmindedly shook your head to dismiss his worry. "Yeah, sorry, it's no-"

"Are you in love?"

For a moment you couldn't get any sound to leave your mouth. "What?" It was a bizarre conclusion to jump to. You couldn't tell what on Earth could even get him that idea. "No, it's on-"

"Good for you!" he said as he clapped his hands. "Now, moving on. Focus, eyes on me."

"Look, it's just that I've got a..." you suspended your voice thinking of the right word to use. The Doctor stared at you with wide eyes, clearly awaiting the second part of the sentence. "Thing."

"A thing?" he repeated in confusion. It seemed as if with each of your words he only grew more offended at your misplaced attention.

"Yes, a thing." Out of all the words you could have used, your choice seemed to have fallen on the worst and least exhaustive one. "My friend, Ada, is throwing a party for some of her college friends but apart from me everyone invited is from her course, so she's going to be the only person I know there."

"And that's what you've been thinking about while I was explaining my clever, clever plan?"

The Doctor stared at you with closely knit eyebrows. In some way, he couldn't fathom how a party invitation could be in any way more interesting than him showing off his extraordinary intellect and creativity. Choosing between a college party and aliens should have been a lot easier than it truly was.

"It's not as simple as it sounds, you know?"

"Alright, then tell me." By his hand-flapping and surprisingly undivided attention, you couldn't tell whether he was growing more upset or actually wanted to hear about what was troubling you.

"Honestly, I don't want to go but it's important for Ada. Also, I haven't seen her in ages. On the other hand..." your voice drifted away. Now that you've started this little heart-to-heart, it was pointless to lie to the Doctor - if successful, fooling him wouldn't gain anything anyway. "It's a party full of strangers."

For a moment he stared at you in silence, visibly expecting you to elaborate but truthfully, there wasn't anything more to say. The hypothetical group of strangers, as faceless as they were, was already stressful enough, even without giving them imaginary traits or habits.

"Strangers, right," he said as he clasped his hands. The sound echoed throughout the console room. He looked away for a moment, basking in enlightenment, before looking back at you. "How exactly is that a problem?" he dwelled on the subject. It seemed as if the discomfort of a company of strangers was hardly conceivable.

"You wouldn't get it." You vaguely waved your hand at him in a dismissive manner. Maybe it was unfair towards him but you really couldn't imagine a scenario in which he doesn't throw in a sarcastic comment about your anxiety. "I mean, how could you? Socializing has never been a problem for you."

"How could it be? People, party, cake, dancing. I love dancing! Great times, nothing to be scared of."

"Yes, there is: small talk and thirty people I've never met. And that's only the beginning."

Even the mere mention of that situation made a cold shiver run down your spine. A flutter of anxiety in your chest brought an unpleasant, suffocating sensation. Unconsciously, your face contorted in a grimace.

"You just go up to them and talk, what's hard about that?"

"Everything!" you exclaimed as you made a broad movement with your hands. "It's just... I can't do that. I physically can't make myself go up to a stranger and ask how they're doing, I'd rather hit my head against a wall. I know the theory, the 'walking through a house' metaphor, it's just... I can't force my body to do that. And when I do find myself talking to a stranger, I want it to end immediately. And the silence! Oh God, the silence... Like when you ask them a question, they answer and then the silence. The awkward silence of my anxiety, lack of social skills and being a generally uninteresting person. Just a bit of quiet and everyone knows I'm weird, awkward and-"

"Hey, hey, stop it!" he scolded you in a whiny voice as if you were a child. "Don't say that. You're not awkward or weird, you're brilliant!"

"Thanks, that's nice of you but unfortunately, I am self-aware."

He may have known you for weeks but you've known yourself for decades.

"No, really." He refused to let go. If the Doctor was going to spout cliche pick-me-ups, he appeared exceptionally committed to the meaningless act. "You crossed the universe as it is wide and long. Fought aliens and risked your life because a toddler couldn't sleep at night. Blimey, you told a Sontaran with a bomb bigger than your head to piss off. And it's house party small talk that gives you cold feet?"

Contrary to his presumption, the context didn't give you any comfort or motivation - it only made you feel worse. If you really were as brave as he made it seem, why couldn't you just start a conversation with your friend's guests? By the measure of saving the universe multiple times, you should be more than capable to do so.

"I know it sounds ridiculous and I agree it's stupid but it's not the same. When we're saving worlds it's a mission, a puzzle to solve." You paused for a moment but by your expression, the Doctor could tell there was something else on your mind. "And I've got you," you added.

"Me?" he asked sheepishly. The Doctor vaguely pointed his finger at himself. "What does that have to do with me?"

"You make me a little braver. I mean, you don't look scared even when you are, so it gives me a little push. I feel a little less anxious when I know that you've got my back."

"So what do you do when I'm not there?"

"Bail," you answered with a shrug. Were you really the same person who criticized the fashion choices of an alien with more guns than limbs? "I rarely go but when I do, I just run off around midnight like Cinderella." You made a small pause when you lowered your gaze, avoiding the Doctor's face. "Honestly, it always makes me feel ashamed like I'm making myself miss out on something but it's either that or panicking in the bathroom."

A silence fell between you. The Doctor's typical hand flapping came to a strange halt as he continued to stare at you with an inexplicable expression. He would have agreed on your resemblance to Cinderella, your regent-esque charm and princess-like beauty but there seemed to be a matter more important at hand:

"Has that ever happened?"

His voice was surprisingly quiet, hesitant even as if he didn't want to actually know the answer. Maybe he wasn't sure he was ready for the responsibility the knowledge would bring. The Doctor's words were barely audible over the whirring and wheezing of the TARDIS's engineering.

"Which part?"

"Panicking in the bathroom."

"Yeah," you said quietly. Your gaze fell to the floor. Looking for some kind of comfort, you slowly rubbed your arm. "It was New Year at my friend's, didn't know anyone there except for him. At some point, I just needed to take a break from being around so many people. I sat in the bathroom wearing a silver sequin ballgown and fought back tears. Funny, I probably looked equally pathetic and great. The only thing I could think about was how rubbish I was at just hanging out with people and, you know, being a normal teen at a normal teen party filled with normal teens. I just..." you stopped yourself at the last moment possible. A heavy, defeated sigh left your lips before you continued in a voice barely above a whisper. "I just wish I was a little less anxious."

"You never said anything."

"Why would I? It's not something I'm exactly proud of." You let out a bitter chuckle as you answered him.

Suddenly you found yourself engulfed in a tight hug. The Doctor's arms were tightly wrapped around you, his slow but ragged breath brushing against your neck. Surprised at the unforeseen affection, you hesitantly reciprocated the embrace. The tweed of his jacket was slightly coarse, some strings were coming out of the seams. He always smelled like burnt wires and a second-hand bookshop. At first, that distinct fragrance wasn't exactly pleasant to you but with time it became a beacon of hope, comfort, adventure and a good laugh.

"Oh, you brilliant, clever you," he quietly said in a sad voice.

Then he stepped away from you just as swiftly and surprisingly as he hugged you in the first place. The first thing you noticed was the change in his facial expression: the Doctor was no longer annoyed or concerned but excited as if he had just come up with a perfect solution to some mind-boggling problem.

"Well then, good thing you're not going alone this time."

"I'm... not?"

"Yes! A plus-one. It's still a thing, right? I'm your plus-one."

"That's sweet of you but you really don't have to. I'm fine on my own," you assured him, although he had no reason to believe you after what you'd already told him.

"Change of plans, sweetheart!" he exclaimed as he pulled one of the many levers. The TARDIS was about to take flight and it was a little too late for arguments and second thoughts. "We're going together and when people become a little too much we attend to an emergency," he said while running between different parts of the flight console. As if he was dancing, he made a whole circle around the control switchboard and stood in front of you once again. The Doctor stuck his index finger in your face as if reprimanding you once more. "No panicking in the bathrooms."

"Wait, what emergency?" you asked as he was already taking directions to your hometown.

"You know, this very real emergency that can't wait and we have to take care of it at the very moment. The crisis that I definitely did not invent just now."

"Right..." you drew out your answer as you caught on to his ruse. A smile crept unto your face. "Time travellers, defenders of the universe. You can never know when you're needed. Any suspicions as to what the emergency is?"

"Laskos' fourth moon. There's that small waffle bar that might need an inspection."

[talkfastromance4]

Indigo--Calum Hood [one]

A/N: I can’t believe it’s finally arrived! Thank you all for being so patient while it took me literally two months to write this fic. It’s my first ever slow burn and the longest fic to date (word wise). This means so much to me and I really put my heart and soul into this. This is also written in Calum’s perspective!

Word count: 12.2k (36k total)

Warnings: themes of emotional infidelity but really all internal with no actions,  confusing emotions and thoughts, nudity, slight mention of body image issues, casual drinking, jealousy, sexual situations

Masterlist

Indigo playlist--really just songs that helped inspire this piece so give it a listen if you’d like!

Feedback is always welcome and I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! 

This is split in three parts because Tumblr's new post limit I can't fit it all in one post. So I'll be posting them all at once!

Enjoy!

***

Calum agreed to help out Sarah and Andy with their latest project. He wasn’t quite sure what it was exactly but anything they create is phenomenal and he’s ecstatic to be a part of it. He’d just texted Bianca, his girlfriend, that he’ll be gone for a better part of the afternoon when he arrives at Sarah and Andy’s place. Pebbles greets him at the door, her whole body wiggling with excitement by his presence.

“There’s our man!” Sarah chirps from the table, her camera and other gadgets placed on the table.

“We aren’t shooting here?” Calum asks bending down to pet Pebbles.

“No, there’s this meadow that gets the sun’s rays perfectly at this time,” Andy informs walking in with his own camera bag. “We’re meeting someone else there, too so we should get going.”

“Someone else?”

☆°��.¸☆¸.•°☆

The sun is beating down on Calum’s back as he walks through the tall grass behind Sarah and Andy. They’re a good distance away from the road and he hopes they won’t go too much further and land in the fate of a 90’s horror film. Andy and Sarah are talking quietly with each other and Calum checks his phone, no new messages from Bianca.

“All right, we’ll start setting up and you just sit and relax until she gets here,” Andy directs to Calum when they stop at a fallen tree that has moss growing on it and its roots extending to the sky.

“Who is ‘she’?” Calum asks, taking a seat on the tree. He wipes at the back of his neck, it’s sticky with sweat. His lips are starting to get chapped and he wishes he brought his water bottle.

Andy and Sarah exchange a look.

“She’d prefer to be anonymous so I can’t tell you,” She responds ominously and unzips her camera bag.

“Anonymous?” Calum is baffled. Andy and Sarah make a point to avoid the topic as they continue to gather their equipment.

In about ten minutes there was another figure walking through the grass and Calum peered at her trying to get a good look. Her hair was blowing in the slight breeze and bangs framed her face. Calum was intrigued when she was first mentioned.

Watching her walk towards them made him think of those snapshots in your life that sticks with you. Something inside of him told him this would be one of those moments.

She was short, which was the first thing he noticed when she stopped in front of him.

“Hey guys, sorry I’m late. Traffic, y’know,” she smiles at Andy and Sarah.

He notices there’s a hint of purple in her hair.

She’s short and has purple hair.

“No problem, sweetie. We were just getting things ready. This is Calum,” Sarah nods towards him and the mystery girl turns in his direction too.

“Hi Calum, thanks for helping,” she smiles.

“No problem, Anonymous,” he grins standing from his tree and holds out his hand.

“Oh, right,” she snickers, stepping forward to take his hand. “You can call me Indie.”

She’s short, has purple hair, and likes to be called Indie.

“Nice to meet you Indie.”

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

Andy and Sarah first have Calum and Indie sit next to each other on the tree while they take some sample shots. This way Calum and Indie can get to know each other a little better. Calum notices the ink on her wrists, arms, and a nose piercing. She asked about his music and what inspires him. He asked what she does and she very offhandedly said with a shrug,

“Social media stuff.”

And that was the end of that. She didn’t add anything more and Calum wasn’t sure if he should ask for her to clarify but her statement had a tone of finality to it.

She definitely intrigues Calum.

“Okay, Indie, can you swing your leg over the tree like you’re riding a horse and lean on Calum’s shoulder?” Sarah asks.

“Yeah.”

Indie does as she’s directed then rests her arm on Calum’s shoulder, her head dropping on top of her arm.

“Both of you look at me...good, now Cal, look down at Indie...good, good. Okay, now I want you to put your leg over his...close your eyes for me, babe. That’s it! Beautiful.”

They continue with different poses on the tree and each touch Indie gives to Calum makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up. His body becomes attuned to her touch until Sarah tells Indie to undo her shirt and lay her head on Calum’s lap.

Calum swallows thickly and watches Indie undo the buttons. He looks away quickly wanting to give her privacy and instead looks towards the direction of the road hoping they’re far enough away from peering eyes.

“Now lie across his lap and let the shirt fall over his legs. Yup, Cal... Calum!”

“Huh?” Cal whips his head forward and feels the weight of Indie’s head on his knees. He’s forcing himself to not look down but his body is aware of her weight on him.

He knows this is all a form of art, but he just met the girl and he was unaware this is how the shoot was going to go. He’s posed shirtless for Andy and Sarah multiple times but never with someone else. And never with a girl with purple hair, a gentle voice, and a pen name.

“Lay your arm over her chest.”

“What? Is that okay?” he looks down to Indie’s eyes, they’re a striking deep blue. Like the deepest part of the ocean and he gets a little lost in them. “Is that okay that I do that?” he asks her this time.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” she nods with a smile. “Thank you for asking.”

Calum carefully places his arm across Indie’s exposed chest; he notices how warm her skin already is from the sun but also feels the small poke of her nipples on the softest part of his arm.

“Cover her nipples a bit, Cal, she’s going to post these on her Instagram and you know their dumbass guidelines about breasts,” Sarah rolls her eyes adjusting her camera.

Calum adjusts his arm which means he has to look where her nipples are. He knows the human body is art in its natural form, and he admires the female body so why is he nervous? Is it because they literally just met and her top is open?

He curses himself. It’s not like they’re making an adult film or anything, this is an artistic moment. Shit, why did he think of an adult film because now a million different scenarios flash in his mind. While he places his arm across her chest, he sees some more ink below her breasts but he can’t quite make out the design.

“Indie, put your hands on his arm, spread your fingers…”

Calum hears the rapid shutter speed of her camera as she captures the intimate moment between strangers. Calum wonders why he was chosen to do this. Obviously, Michael wasn’t at the top of the list because he and Crystal are married, and Luke and Sierra just announced their engagement. KayKay is no novice in front of the camera, but maybe they wanted a girl and guy? Usually, Ashton is up for anything involving the human body.

“Cal, you have your thinking face on, man. Relax,” Andy says.

“Don’t be nervous,” Indie whispers gazing up at him.

Those damn blue eyes again. The purple in her hair really makes them pop and he notices a small freckle at the corner of her eye.

“You’re not?” his voice is hushed so Andy and Sarah don’t hear.

“Of course, I am, this is way out of my comfort zone. But this is art, and I want to explore it,” she shrugs.

It eased him that she was nervous as well. He took a deep breath and fixed her bangs in her face.

“That’s good, that’s really good, act natural,” Sarah advises.

“I like the purple,” he compliments, “it really comes out in the sun and makes your eyes stand out.”

“Thank you. I can’t really see your face because of the sun,” she squints up at him and giggles. Calum smiles at the sound.

The session continues and eventually Calum removes his shirt as well which he’s thankful for because he was starting to sweat. He told himself it was because the sun is at its hottest spot in the sky, not because of some cute girl with purple hair and tattoos with her shirt open.

He leans forward on his knees with Indie standing behind him and the tree, her chest pressed to his back and her hands locked under his neck. He wonders if she can hear how loud his heart is beating.

Another pose has him sitting in the grass with her legs hanging over his shoulders. Calum tickles her toes and she squeals out in laughter and Calum knows those will be great shots.

“Hey! Tickling is forbidden!” she laughs. “I will kick you and it will be your fault.”

“You won’t kick me,” he shakes his head but stops tickling her then notices another tattoo on the outside of her ankle. He looks to his right and sees a small red train on the inside of that ankle. “You have a lot of tattoos. What does this one mean?”

His finger traces the red outline of the train and the small speckle of stars shooting from the chimney.

“I loved Thomas the train engine.”

Calum looks up at her not believing her for a second. From this angle he forgets what his smart-ass remark was going to be because her naked midriff distracted him greatly. The ends of her hair tickled over her nipples, her bangs framing her face perfectly.

She gives him a radiant smile that he can’t deny by returning one of his own.

“All right, that’s it for this spot. Ready to head out Indie?” Sarah asks, pulling them from their small moment of connection.

“Yeah, I’m starved,” Indie buttons up her top.

“Want to come, Cal? We’re getting pizza at Marco’s,” Andy says.

“Uh, let me check my phone quickly, hang on,” he pulls out his phone then slips his shirt back on over his head. One notification from Bianca and she just gave his text to her a thumbs up. “Yeah, pizza sounds great.”

He walks next to Indie back to their cars.

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

“How would you guys feel about doing a night shoot back at our place? The city lights in the skyline would be perfect,” Sarah says when she finishes off the last piece of pizza.

“I’m down for that. Can it be partially nude?” Indie asks, sucking up the last of her root beer from the vintage red cup.

“Absolutely,” Sarah nods.

“What do you say, Calum?” Indie looks up to Calum and he feels like she’s challenging him.

“I’m in,” he nods. He’s always up for a challenge.

The night shoot is out on Sarah and Andy’s balcony. Calum watches Sarah and Indie first from the doorway. Indie has her top open again leaning against the railing. She stretches her arms up above her head, extending her torso and Calum can get a better glimpse of that tattoo below her breasts.

It looks like celestial with moons and stars. As the photos progress, she slips it all the way off and leans over the railing. She does a profile view then reaches her hand out to Sarah’s camera for a close up of her fingers. The two women are giggling and Calum won’t deny how natural and confident Indie is in front of the camera even though she admitted to being nervous to him earlier.

Was she telling him the truth or was she just doing that to keep up this anonymous persona?

“Sarah has a way of making people feel comfortable in front of the camera. It’s her loving nature,” Andy explains as if reading Calum’s mind. “This is all Indie’s idea by the way, the shoot. She wants to do a body positivity session.”

“That’s…” Calum watches with wide eyes as Indie drops her shorts and panties then he sees her cute little bare ass. “Nice.” He clears his throat since she’s completely bare. Andy chuckles and nudges him in the ribs.

Calum is suddenly in the need of a cigarette; his fingers begin to twitch.

He watches her as she and Sarah continue to interact. Indie keeps her backside facing Sarah and Calum spots yet another tattoo on the back of her shoulder. Why’d she choose him to be a part of it? Or was it Andy and Sarah who chose him?

Calum opens his mouth to ask when Sarah calls him over.

“Get your ass out here, Hood, it’s your turn. Sit in the chair,” Sarah commands, pulling up said chair right in front of Indie.

Calum keeps his gaze on Indie’s face when he sits in the chair in front of her, his head seems a bit clearer now without her naked body in front of him.

“Shirt off?” he jokes, trying to ease his own tension.

“Please,” Sarah grins and he peels it off again. Of course, she’d say yes. “Baby, can you get the lights for me?”

The outside lights shut off by Andy and replaced by color changing string lights hanging in the rafters. Calum stares up above as they transition from green to yellow to orange and finally to some sort of purple/blue hybrid. Indie’s face comes into view over his shoulder, her fingers dance on his shoulders, her eyes are shining, and her hair is more purple with the added hue.

“Magical,” Sarah comments.

Indie smiles at him and he couldn’t agree more with Sarah’s statement and a few notes of a soft melody sprout in his head.

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

Calum stayed up all night going through Indie’s Instagram. He thought it would show her real name and he’ll deny to his dying breath that he did NOT spend an hour trying to find her profile. Turns out, her social media persona is displayed as Indie too and he wonders why.

Her posts are all about body positivity which include photos of her body that look professionally done in his opinion. Each pose is perfectly posed so you can’t really see everything but know that she’s fully naked. He tries to make out the tattoos he couldn’t see from the night before, but it’s hard with how her body twists and the way they’re edited.

He reads through some of the comments, agreeing with the ones telling how hot and gorgeous she is. He wanted to tell off the creeps and defend her because her message was about loving your body.

Her photos and posts are real and authentic. She talks about her own insecurities, how learning to love her body seems to be an ongoing lesson. He admires her rawness and understands seeing something different when you look in the mirror but when he sees her...he wonders how she can see flaws.

His phone rings right after he hits ‘follow’ and the noise scares him. His heart plummeted when he saw it was Bianca.

“Hey, babe,” he greets and she immediately rattles off about her day.

Calum puts her on speaker so he can continue to scroll through the photos of him and Indie she posted from their shoot. There are comments from some fans inquiring if he and Bianca broke up.

Bianca didn’t really say anything about his photoshoot, but she doesn’t really say much about what he does anyway.

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

The guys are taking a little creative break after bouncing back chords, verses, and beats that they’ve been working on since six in the morning. Ashton was complaining about needing his fifth cup of iced coffee and Michael was starving so the two of them left to pick up lunch and coffee.

Luke and Calum remained behind like always. Luke never stopped working and Calum always kept him company, enjoying the sounds of his soft guitar playing. Ashton’s lava lamp changes to purple and Calum is reminded of Indie so he pulls out his phone and goes to her Instagram.

She’s made a few new posts within the last several days. The first one is of her standing in front of her bathroom mirror with a towel wrapped around her. Her eyes are wide and bright, her hair is in wet strands and the steam frames her reflection. The next one is darker with the towel dropped; two small black hearts are placed on her breasts.

She captioned it: “conversations with myself about loving me are the hardest conversations I have. Sometimes they’re serious and other times goofy, but that’s with the aid of rum. Being gentle with yourself seems so easy until you come face to face.”

The second most recent post is of her and another guy at some sort of festival. They both have on circular sunglasses and the photos are a little blurry. One is a close up of the guy but he’s out of focus and eating a corn dog. The next one is of the two of them standing in front of a funhouse mirror; she has her fingers up in a peace sign. There’s one of them eating cotton candy and the last is of them on the Ferris wheel.

She just captions it as ‘memories.’

The last one she posted was from several hours ago and it was another photo shoot. She was posed with the same guy from the festival only this time she was topless and his arms were around her in front of a mirror. Another one has her lying on a bed with her head hanging off the edge and she’s upside down. The guy is resting his head on her stomach, both of them are looking at the camera and he’s shirtless too. The last one is of her twisted on the bed under the sheets, her ass peeking out and she’s spread across the guy. His hand is very low on her back.

Calum feels a pang in his chest. The pictures are great and all but why is he feeling this sharp pain and warmth in his cheeks?

“Woah, are you on OnlyFans right now?” Luke snorts and Calum jumps from the sound of his voice.

“What?”

“Pretty raunchy, don’t ya think?” Luke grins and then something clicks within Calum.

Could Indie have an OnlyFans account? Is that what she meant by “social media stuff”? He knows it’s one of the most popular adult content websites right now and that pay is really good if you post a lot. Is Indie her...sex name? Is that what that’s called?

“D’you think she has an OnlyFans?”

“I dunno. Who is she?” Luke stops his guitar playing to look at Calum.

“I...I uh did a shoot with her, Andy, and Sarah a few weeks ago.”

“Really? What did you do?”

Calum brings up the session he and Indie did together, handing his phone over to Luke. He suddenly feels very self-conscious and almost wants to snatch his phone back so Luke doesn’t see Indie bare chested. But she posted it on her public Instagram so anyone can see it.

“Wow, you really did a nude shoot?”

“We had our pants on,” Calum scoffs, trying to take his phone back but Luke stretches his arm out of his grasp.

“She doesn’t in these next ones.”

“Give me my phone!” Calum scrambles over Luke’s broad frame to get his phone back. He settles back on the couch in a huff. “Don’t look at those.”

“You showed it to me! Who is she anyway?”

“I don’t really know. She goes by the name Indie but I don’t think that’s her real name.”

“What do you mean?”

“When we arrived at the meadow for the shoot, Andy said we were meeting someone else there and when I asked who it was; Sarah said she wanted to be anonymous. She posts a lot about body positivity and I asked what she does for a living and all she said was social media stuff.”

“OnlyFans is social media. What did Bianca have to say about these photos?”

“Not much,” Calum shrugs and he gets a Twitter notification from her. Does she have a sixth sense to post or call when he’s talking about her?

He opens up the notification and she’s talking about him but very vaguely by only calling him ‘boyfriend’ with a photo attached of him looking down at his phone while they were out to dinner the other night. She brags about him online but hardly does anything with him when they are together. He’s starting to forget why he’s dating her in the first place.

“She had nothing to say about you posing topless with another woman?” Luke’s guitar playing stops and his eyebrows are raised.

“Nope,” Calum sighs and likes Bianca’s post anyway. Their relationship seems to only be about ‘liking’ each other’s posts lately.

“That’s...odd. So, why’re you looking at this girl Indie’s insta anyway?”

“I like what she posts. It’s real and true and a lot of people relate to it. It’s nice,” Calum shrugs. “And she was cool to hang out with at the photo session.”

“Ah, I see. You’re jealous you aren’t in those photos with her.”

“What? No, I’m not.”

“Yeah you are, and you didn’t want me to see her naked bum.”

“How would Sierra feel about that?”

“She’d look with me,” Luke shrugs, “you know that. See if she tagged the guy and find out who he is. If he has an OnlyFans then there’s a possibility she might have one, too.”

“How does that make sense?” Calum asks but clicks on the tagged name anyway because he’s not thinking properly and his curiosity is getting the best of him.

“They promote new content with whoever they did it with.”

“How the hell do you know that?”

“Saw it on TikTok, and there was that rumor that Ash has an OnlyFans so I Googled about it.”

“That’s a weird thing to Google.”

“Please, you’ve Googled worse. So, who is the bloke?” Luke peers over his best friend’s hand to look at his phone screen.

Calum looks back down at his phone on the new profile. He has quite a massive following and a small bio.

“His name is Ian, he’s a model and an extra in TV shows. There’s a link under his name but he posted photos with her, too.”

Calum taps on the post to see it’s of them in that damn bed again. Indie is straddling him but she has on some sort of lace outfit and Ian’s hands are on her waist. They’re both laughing and facing the camera.

“He wrote ‘always a blast doing sessions with you.’ Does that mean photo sessions or OnlyFans stuff?”

“How am I supposed to know? Why does it concern you anyway?”

That stops Calum short. Why does it concern him? His mind is spiraling with his conflicting emotions and the desire to search for more information about this Ian guy. He tosses his phone on the opposite end of the couch.

“It doesn’t concern me. I was curious and now I know you and Sierra subscribe to OnlyFans.”

“What? I didn’t say that at all!” Luke squeaks then narrows his eyes. “Don’t change the subject. Why does it matter if she has one or not?”

“I want to understand her, she didn’t tell me much about her and I’m not sure why.”

“She probably wants to keep her life private. Does she have a big following for what she posts?”

“Yeah.”

“Then maybe she doesn’t want people knowing her business. You can understand that, can’t you?”

“Of course, I can, I--she intrigues me, that’s all. I want to know more about her.”

“Why do you want to know more about her?”

“I don’t know! She...her purple hair and nose ring and tattoos...and her eyes are so damn blue. I don’t understand it.”

Luke is silent for several moments staring at Calum, his blue eyes imploring his friend to tell more. Luke‘s looking at Calum as if he knows something.

Calum is lost in his confusion. Luke moves from the couch and picks up Calum’s notebook and his favorite type of pen. He holds them out to Calum.

“Write about it. Figure it out.”

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

Calum tried to write about it and figure it out and he was a little ashamed of himself for searching for Indie on OnlyFans a few days later after talking with Luke. It made him feel pervy, and even though he didn’t find her, it wouldn’t have changed his outlook on her at all if she did have an account. It only makes him want to learn more about her and not the small number of half-truths he received.

It’s been a month since he saw her and he’s at a party with Roy and Bianca. Bianca was off with her friends so Calum and Roy were left to their own devices which were perfectly fine for Calum. He’s always up for a good time but only when it’s with his close friends who are more like family, not a hundred people who sneak photos of him when they walk by.

He’s scanning the crowd--people watching is his favorite thing to do--when he spots someone with purple hair walk by.

“Indie! Hey!” Roy literally took the words right from Calum’s mouth.

Roy knows Indie?

Indie turns at the sound of her name waiting for her friend to pass and she smiles upon seeing Roy then shows her teeth in a radiant smile when she sees Calum right next to him. She’s got on some overall shorts with one of the straps unbuttoned and a tight black shirt that stops at her midriff. There’s some glitter on her face and Calum is mystified once more.

“Hey Cal, fancy seeing you here. Hey Roy,” she smiles at him and Roy pulls her into a hug. Calum feels a twinge of jealousy that he didn’t receive a hug.

“You two know each other?” Calum asks, eyebrows raised.

“Yeah, Indie comes to my meditation sessions once in a while. It’s been too long since the last one, missy.”

“I’ve been working!” she giggles shoving his shoulder playfully. “I’m in need of a good meditation zone, though. Oh, this is my friend, Travis.”

“Nice to meet you guys,” Travis shakes Calum and Roy’s hands.

Calum eyes him up but before he can say anything else, Travis mentioned something about finding their group of friends.

“I’ll send you details on the next mediation,” Roy tells her before she heads out.

“I look forward to it. Have a nice time,” she smiles at them both and lets Travis guide her through the crowd.

Calum is a bit upset he didn’t really get to talk to her as he watches her disappear into the sea of people. He continues listening to Roy and his latest idea for a new album and what it will be based around. He hums and comments in the spaces he’s supposed to but his mind is off on someone else.

And then he wonders where the hell Bianca got off to.

“What’s wrong with you, man? Your mind is out of this world right now,” Roy comments.

“Nothing, nothing,” Calum shakes his head gruffly and then Bianca appears handing Calum a drink.

“You look parched,” she kisses his cheek and he feels the sticky residue of her lip gloss on his skin.

Calum continues to search for Indie as the night goes on, wanting to discuss how her body positivity project is going. He smiles and poses in the photos with Bianca; he knows both of their smiles are fake. Whenever she touches him, he doesn’t get that same feeling he did when Indie touched him in the meadow.

It’s a little after midnight as he exits the bathroom and bumps into someone.

“Oops, sorry, my faul--Indie! Hey!” he grins down at her.

“Oh! Hi again. Having a good time?” she asks brightly.

“It’s all right, how about you?”

“Not really in the mood to party tonight,” she shrugs, “but my friend Travis from earlier likes a guy here so I’m his wing woman.”

“What a good friend you are,” he smiles. “Have they met up?”

“I got a text from him with the tongue emoji, the fire emoji, and the drooling emoji,” she counts off on her fingers. “I’ve walked around this place twice so I’m assuming he’s all good,” she chuckles.

“So, you’re here all alone?”

“Yeah. I was just about to order an Uber--”

“I can take you home if you’d like. You shouldn’t take an Uber alone.”

“You don’t have to do that. I don’t mind--”

“Hey baby, some of the girls want to go to the club. I’ll see you later,” Bianca appears and gives Calum a very fleeting kiss on the cheek.

“Okay, before you go, this is Indie; remember how I did that photoshoot a month ago?”

Bianca glances at Indie who gives her a bright smile.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet--”

“Oh, yeah! Where you were both half naked! Very hot. I’ll call you tomorrow,” she says offhandedly to Calum then runs off to her friends.

“Nice to meet you, too!” Indie finishes in a half-shout and Calum laughs. “She’s a woman on a mission, huh?”

“Yeah, always has to be where the party's at. How about that drive home?”

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

Once in his car, Indie connects her phone to his Bluetooth and puts on her playlist along with the address of her apartment. Calum watches her scroll through her phone until she selects the first song; its vibe is very chill, fitting the mood of the blue color of his car’s interior lighting. He keeps glancing over to her; the blue really brings out the purple in her hair. She then pulls her hair back and up behind her head in a makeshift ponytail, fanning herself with the other hand.

“Hot?” he asks while pressing the button for the AC. she lets out a yelp of surprise when the cool air blows on her neck from the headrest of her seat.

“I need my seats to have this feature,” she sighs then lets her hair drop over her shoulder. “Thank you for taking me home. Will you meet up with...oh my God, what’s your girlfriend’s name?” she presses her hands to her face, eyes widening in horror. “She left before you could introduce her.”

“Her name’s Bianca, and no, I’ll probably go home. Club life isn’t really my style.”

“Are you hungry?” she asks.

“For what?” He peers at her curiously.

“Have you ever had insomnia cupcakes?”

When they arrive at the small cupcake shop they read over the flavors listed on the bulbous glass display case. The cupcakes are the size of muffins and each time Indie nudges closer to him, he can smell her perfume. It’s citrus with a hint of something else he can’t place but she smells wonderful.

Indie ends up getting a strawberry cupcake with white frosting and pink sprinkles and Calum gets a confetti one which she teases him about.

“What’s wrong with confetti?!” he laughs following her outside and sits at one of the round metal tables.

“It’s like the second most vanilla flavor you could get. Live on the edge!” she swipes off a bit of frosting and sucks it off with a low satisfied moan.

Her eyes close relishing then taste and Calum gets momentarily distracted by her reaction to the cupcake.

“Well, isn’t that vanilla frosting? Not too on the edge yourself, are ya?”

“It’s not vanilla. Here,” she holds her cupcake in front of him, her eyes testing him. “Try a taste.”

He swipes her frosting off, eyes still on hers and he pops his finger in his mouth. His tongue is full of a very zesty lemon flavor, it’s sugary and sweet but light enough where it’s not too overbearing.

“Shit, that’s good.”

“Told you! Now you enjoy your plain confetti over there,” she wiggles in her chair taking her cupcake back. She swipes up more frosting.

“You eat the frosting first?” he asks, unfolding the paper from his cupcake.

“Mhm, the cake is the best part.”

He watches her in wonder as she continues to eat before taking a very large bite of his own treat. Frosting gets on his nose and she loses it when he wipes it off.

“Did I get it all?” he asks, sucking off the frosting from his thumb.

“You missed a spot...right here!”

Somehow she snuck some frosting on her pinky finger and rubbed it onto his cheek and nose. Calum was dumbfounded then when he saw her practically rolling in her chair from laughing, he joined her and wiped it off on her own.

“Thanks for that,” he laughs, licking off the lemon frosting.

“I’m sorry, I had to,” she shrugs and licks off the rest of her frosting from her cupcake.

“I’m going to get you back for that, Indie. Mark my words.”

“I’m trembling in my overalls,” she mocks with a smile.

“You should be,” he teases and takes another large bite of his cupcake.

When their cupcakes are finished they’re back in his car and her music fills the air with sound. He makes note of the band on his screen, Linus Young, so he can look them up later. He turns it down on the song titled ‘Crystal Ball.’

“How’s your latest project coming along?” he asks then moves into the middle lane.

“Pretty good, I guess. I want to do a couple more shots before I do a post. Sarah said she’d help me with it, we just have to find the time.”

“Do you need a partner?” he grins.

“Not for these shots,” she giggles, “but you’re more than welcome to come if you’d like. I’m always open to other artists' creative eyes.”

“Yeah, I’d love to. Do you have an idea on what your next project will be?”

“Um, I don’t know. It’s always centered on self-love and body positivity. I might try something with body paint or shadows. There’s a--”

“Do you have an OnlyFans?” he blurts out then immediately wants the earth to swallow him up whole.

Where the hell did that come from? He wanted to try and ease into it casually but how do you casually bring up a website like that? And now he just blurted it out like an imbecile. He keeps his eyes on the road anticipating a well-deserved slap across his cheek or for Indie to demand he take the next exit and drop her off.

Instead, she laughs. It’s a full-on cackle with a trail of giggles gasping for breath. Indie doesn’t stop until he looks over at her in alarm and with an apologetic grimace.

“Oh, you’re serious?” she squeaks wiping at the corners of her eyes. She takes a deep breath, still chuckling. “Why do you think that?”

“I was showing my friend Luke the shoot we did and when I went to your Instagram he saw your other photos and asked if I was on OnlyFans and he said creators usually post photos like that with a partner they collaborated with or something and you said your job is social media stuff and that’s social media and I’m--I’m an asshole for blurting it out like that. I’m sorry. It’s none of my business but even if you are, that’s great, y’know? No shame or judgment from me whatsoever. And I feel stupid for even trying to search you--”

“You tried searching for me?” she asks but Calum’s on a ranting rampage. “Wow. I’m fl--”

“This makes me sound like a grade A creep. You--”

“Calum!” she laughs resting her hand on his forearm. The hair on his neck stands up at her touch just like in the meadow. “As entertaining as it is to see you stumble over your words and talk this much, stop. I’m flattered you would even think that in the first place, but no, I don’t have an account.”

He risks a glance at her; she gives him a warm smile.

“Do you have an account?” She asks in a hushed whisper.

“What?!” he swerves a little in his lane but thankfully he needs to change over for the exit. His GPS says Indie’s place is only a few more minutes away. “No, no I don’t have one.”

She giggles again but doesn’t say another word.

They’re silent for the remainder of the drive, the music playing softly in the background. He wishes he never said anything and that Luke didn’t bring it up in the first place. Calum makes the few turns indicated on his screen and then parks in front of a duplex. Indie unbuckles her seatbelt, angling herself towards him.

“Would you subscribe if I did?”

He jerks his head in her direction, did he hear her right? He opens his mouth to answer then narrows his eyes, she does the same and they have a narrow-eyed contest until they’re laughing.

“Would you subscribe if I did?” he counters.

“I asked you first.”

He unbuckles himself as well so he can stretch in his seat and run his fingers through his hair. “I’m not going to answer that. Can we pretend I never asked that and this conversation never happened?” He drops his hands to the steering wheel; he needs to have a firm handle on something because clearly his tongue is acting wild.

“What did you ask?”

“What?”

“What conversation are you talking about?”

Calum stares at her, then looks outside as if there’s a hidden camera and he’s being punk’d right now. Is Ashton Kutcher hiding in that trailer?

“We were talking about OnlyFans.”

“Calum! I was playing along! You didn’t ask me anything and we didn’t have a conversation about that unasked question,” she gives him a perky smile.

“You are something else, you know that?” he rubs at his face out of embarrassment and feeling like such an idiot.

“That’s what I’m told,” she sighs.

He feels there’s a story or two there but he’s already invaded her privacy enough tonight. And it’s only the second time actually meeting her.

“Can I ask you something?” She asks.

“Yes. Please do.”

“Why do you want to know what I do?”

Calum rests his head on his seat, turning his head towards her with his hands still on the wheel. She’s situated herself in her seat so that one leg is pulled to her chest and resting against the center console. Her round cheek is cupped in her hand, her eyes wide and captivating.

“I want to know more about you, that’s all.”

“Why do you want to know about me, Cal?”

That question again. The answer is staring him right in the face, it’s on the tip of his tongue, but he just can’t bring himself to say it out loud. So, he alters his answer because he’s already rambled enough for one night.

“You have this ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude and a free spirit. You’re sure of yourself and not a lot of people are like that.”

“I definitely do give a fuck about a lot of things. Maybe too much,” she shrugs, removing her hand and leans forward. “You’re sure that’s all?”

She doesn’t ask it in fishing for compliments type of way, it’s more like she knows he’s hiding something, like she knows he sugar-coated his answer. Indie’s eyes have him captured, he’s like a fly caught in a black widow’s web that’s made up of his own lies.

“Ye-es…” he responds slowly.

“You promise?”

Her eyes are steady on his, he squeezes the wheel, arms tightening, knuckles whitening, and the smallest flick of her eyebrow causes him to let out a large exhale. Calum drops his hands in defeat.

“I don’t know how to answer that,” he shakes his head.

She’s looking at him like Luke was looking at him back in the studio.

“You’re…” he licks his lips and swallows down his nerves. “You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met, Indie. I’ve never been this lost in my head on finding the proper words to say what I want to say. But I can tell you that my intentions are only to get to know you, which I’m certain of.”

“Get to know me as a friend?”

“Friend, photoshoot partner, whatever it is,” he shrugs. “All I know is I can’t stop thinking about you.”

She gives him a small smile with an even smaller nod then takes a deep breath. Her hands rub at her temples as she lets out a frustrated groan covering her eyes with her hands.

“Are you okay?”

“You know that’s the truest thing you’ve said this whole time, Cal? I’d be glad to be your friend but I can’t lie about how I’ve been thinking about you, too.”

“So... what do we do about that?”

Indie removes her hands, her eyes the size of planets holding the same secrecy of the galaxy. He wants to explore every part, every hidden crevice.

“I want to know you, too. But we have to promise--” she holds out her pinky “--that we are friends first and foremost. I don’t trust people easily; I only tell what I think they should know. But my intuition is telling me to trust you and it’s never wrong. Can you do that?”

Calum mulls over her words. He reaches over the console so their faces are closer. He can see the glitter on her cheeks and how they resemble constellations. He cups her cheek; his fingers locking in her hair and captures her lips in a fevered kiss without a thought of the repercussions that will follow.

The kiss is full of sparks, desire, and an innate need. Indie kisses him back with equal hurriedness and soon they’re scrambling to the backseat. Lips still connected, her fingers claw at his shirt and--

“Cal?”

Calum blinks. He’s pulled back to the present, his fantasy betraying him in the worst possible way from the reality of Indie still holding her pinky out for him.

The kiss was all in his head. Going against his selfish desires, he hooks his pinky with hers and Indie’s face turns serious.

“We promise to always stay friends, no matter what. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“We promise that no matter what comes from the darkness, what secrets will surface, or whatever urges may arise, we are friends first and won’t let those things change that. Promise?”

“I promise,” he nods, tilting his head to the side in amusement as she continues.

“And above all else...we won’t leave or abandon one another. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Good. I promise, too,” she stares at their joined pinkies.

“You okay?” he asks, feeling the shift within her.

“Yeah...it’s a little...I’m giving you all my trust. It’s a little scary.”

He squeezes her pinky then covers their joined hands with the palm of his other hand. He cocks his head lower until she looks at him with shining, vulnerable eyes.

“I promise I won’t break it, Indie.”

He wonders if she catches the double entendre to his promise because while he said it about her trust, he could tell she’s wearing her heart on her sleeve. He doesn’t want to break that either.

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

Calum has been walking on air ever since that night with Indie a few weeks ago promising to be friends. Is he attracted to her? Absolutely. That at least is something he can admit even if it is in his own head. Will he act on those thoughts? No, because he has respect for Indie and his relationship with Bianca.

Things between him and Bianca have gotten a little better; they go out more and she’s asked him about his music. When he’s mentioned he has this tune stuck in his head that he can’t figure out she doesn’t say too much about it and quickly transitions to her next appearance promoting a new line of liquor.

Calum’s confident he can push his attraction for Indie to the side and make their friendship a priority. He’s never had a female best friend before but it’s an easy transition with her.

After that night they exchanged numbers and were quick to start sending funny memes and TikTok videos. Calum downloaded the app solely because of her and when he discovered she had a few videos of her own, he watched the four videos relentlessly.

“You’re a very talented lip syncer, you should go pro,” he’d told her one day over FaceTime while he was making breakfast.

“There’s no such thing as a pro lip syncer,” she snorted back. She was applying makeup in her bathroom sitting cross legged on the counter with her feet in the sink.

“Yeah there’s that show on MTV or some shit where you dress up and put on a whole performance.”

“I would literally die if I had to perform in front of people. No thank you.”

Calum laughed then watched her apply her eyeliner with careful strokes and perfect precision. Whenever she did her makeup she had her hair pulled back in a loose ponytail and her bangs clipped up so she wouldn’t get makeup on them. Seeing her whole face for the first time filled him with even more intrigue and he thought she was even more beautiful.

“Why do you do that on the sink?” he asked, flipping his egg on his toast.

“So I can get closer to the mirror. It’s a girl thing. Doesn’t Bianca do it?”

“Dunno, I’ve never seen her put her makeup on before.”

He would send her photos and videos of Duke and each time she’d comment on how adorable he is and that she would steal him one day.

“You’ll have to get through me first,” he grinned.

“I can take you. It’s one of my superpowers.”

“What superpower is that exactly?”

“If I tell you then my cover’s blown, duh.”

“Why don’t you show me then?” he teased with a slight hint of flirtation.

“Cal…” she warned but couldn’t help her giggle.

“All right, all right,” he smiled, scratching at his head. “Sorry.”

There would be some innocent slip-ups like that throughout their conversations. Calum just felt so at ease with Indie and when she asked him to help her with a photoshoot of hers he was more than excited to accept.

When he arrived at her place, there was music playing from down the hall and he heard voices followed by Indie’s laugh. He follows the sound right into her bathroom where she is with another girl while the bathtub was running water, bubbles rising.

“Did you finally get your own dog?” he asks and the two girls turn at his voice.

“No, it’s for the photos,” Indie smiles. “Cal, this is Inka, she’s going to be in the photos with me and helping you take them.”

“Nice to finally meet you, Calum,” Inka smiles.

Inka’s a little taller than Indie with flowing ink black hair, wide set eyes and brown skin. She has a septum piercing and is also very good looking.

“Nice to meet you,” he nods, and then turns fearfully to Indie. “I’m taking the photos? Shouldn’t you ask Sarah, she’s a professional.”

“I don’t want them to look professionally done. Inka’s big on water photography so she’ll help you. And we need someone to take photos of us together.”

“All right, so…” he glances at the tub that Inka is now bent over testing the water. “What’s with the bubble bath?”

“That’s where we’ll be,” Indie grins, removing her shorts.

Calum is so caught off guard by being the photographer that his eyes watch her step out of them, but finds she has on swimsuit bottoms. At least he won’t be distracted this time like in the meadow or at Andy and Sarah’s when she was completely naked.

“Are you alright with us being topless, Cal?” Inka asks removing her own shorts. He spots some ink on her skin as well, he wonders if they got tattoos together at one point. The styles are pretty similar.

“I’m fine if you guys are,” he shrugs then eyes up the Polaroid sitting on the counter. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable with me here; I respect the artistry of the naked body.”

“All I needed to hear,” Inka says with a sigh. “The water’s perfect, Indsy. I’ll put on music that helps me get in the zone.”

“Is this the camera I’ll be using?” Calum asks, pointing to the Polaroid as Inka changes the music on her phone to something with a bit of soul to it. The voice echoes very softly within the bathroom.

“Yeah, it’s Inka’s. She’ll show you how to use it while I’m in there. Thanks for helping with this, everyone couldn’t or thought it was weird when I asked them.”

“Glad to be of assistance,” he smiles down at her, noticing she doesn’t have makeup on. “You look nice by the way.”

“Thank you. I’m going to take my top off now,” she touches his arm as if in assurance, her eyes widening slightly. “Will you be okay?”

He knows she’s teasing but he links his pinky with hers that’s on his arm.

“Promise. Now get in there,” he jerks his head towards her bath.

“Sheesh, you’re a demanding assistant.”

She backs away and he examines the camera with curiosity. When Inka and Indie converse behind him, he lifts his eyes to their reflection in the mirror just as Indie is pulling her t-shirt off. Her eyes meet his as she tosses it to the floor and it’s as if the moment slows before she’s stepping into the water.

“Inka! This is too hot!” she squeals, pulling her foot out.

“No, it’s not! Calum, come feel the water.”

He turns and stands next to Indie; he bends to the floor pressing his hand through a mountain of bubbles. It’s pretty warm but he’s come to realize that Indie doesn’t like hot things.

“I think it’s fine but it is too hot for her,” he agrees with Indie.

“Well, you’ll get used to it and if your cheeks get a little red or your chest, then it will make the pictures better.”

Indie sighs; she puts her hand on Calum’s shoulder for extra support and puts her foot in the water again. She lets out a hiss and stands there for a couple seconds. Calum grabs her hand and holds her fingers when she places her other foot in the tub as well. He watches her scrunch her face at the temperature, he can see a red splotch blooming on her chest already and she’s not even fully in yet.

“Darling, it’s really not that bad,” Inka sighs rubbing at Indie’s shoulder. “Is it?”

“I just need to let myself get used to it,” Indie replies and drops a knee, her fingers’ holding onto Calum’s tightly.

“I can get a cold washcloth for you,” he offers but Indie shakes her head and drops her other knee.

“I’ll be okay. Can you get me a bottled water from my fridge?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right back,” he nods and he releases her fingers.

When he returns, Indie is fully in the bath, her hair cascading over her back like a dark purple curtain. Her knees are drawn up to her chest and Inka is on the floor with her camera pointed at Indie. Indie’s head is on her knees, her body curving forward, eyes big and her lips pouting slightly.

Calum doesn’t like how she looks sad even if he knows it’s for the aesthetics of it all. Indie looks up at him then stretches a now bubbly arm towards him for the water.

“Wait, stay like that for a minute!” Inka instructs Indie's pose and the camera clicks. “Okay, you can take it.”

Calum sits against the cabinets next to Inka, paying attention to the buttons on the camera before she takes a picture. Indie leans back with her head tilted back and eyes closed, her breasts pointing out. Then she rested her arms on the edge of the tub, her cheek falling perfectly in the crook of her elbows and she eyed up the camera and Inka. When she looked at Calum, he forgot how to swallow.

“Okay, ready for me?” Inka asks, standing up from her place on the floor.

“You’re going to complain about the water though,” Indie rolls her eyes playfully and turns the tap back on. She shifts to the opposite end so she doesn’t feel the hot water.

“Just take photos you think would be good as candid’s,” Inka instructs handing Calum the camera.

He’s nervous now. He doesn’t want to mess up their vision and he runs over what Inka told him in his head as she takes off her tank top and climbs in with Indie.

“This is so tepid!” Inka shrieks and Indie laughs.

“It’s perfect!”

“You’re such a little weirdo,” Inka drops into the water and pushes the running water towards Indie. Indie sticks her tongue out.

While the water continues to run, Calum takes some practice shots and Inka starts to pull her hair up in a very messy bun with loose strands kissing her cheeks and forehead. She looks very good, actually. Inka has a natural beauty to her, much like Indie does. Calum took photos of that process, Inka is confident in herself like Indie is; it’s all in her posture.

“Remember the first time we were in the bath together?” Indie asks, leaning against the wall.

“Yeah, you were drunk and thought your tub was a whirlpool. But you turned the shower on instead and I thought you were drowning,” Inka laughs.

Calum captures their smiles. He remains silent as they place bubbles on each other’s noses or blow them at each other from their hands. He tries to take as many of those as he can because he thinks they’re charming.

He discovers they’ve been friends ever since Indie moved to L.A and have gone through tough things with each other like bad relationships, loss of jobs, and fallouts from a whole group of friends they were involved in. The more they talked, the closer they got in the tub.

“Here, turn around, I want to get some shots like this,” Indie tells Inka.

They’re in a fit of giggles and laughter as Inka maneuvers in the water, some of the bubbles are rolling down the sides of the tub. Once they’re situated, Indie scoots closer until she’s pressed against Inka’s back. Calum’s reminded of feeling her pressed against his back at Andy and Sarah’s.

“Look at Cal,” Indie says and they both turn to Calum.

He snaps the photo.

“How are you doing over there Mr. Camera Man?” Inka asks leaning against Indie.

“Great. How’re you guys?” he asks.

“Hungry. I want some pizza,” Indie sighs. She presses her cheek to Inka’s neck and wraps her arms around her stomach.

“We’ll order some afterwards,” Inka lifts her hand and pats at Indie’s head affectionately. “Does Calum know you need to be fed every few hours?”

“You make me sound like a baby,” Indie laughs. “Does Calum know?” She directs the question to him in third person, looking at him expectantly.

“Yes, I discovered she gets very feisty when she’s hungry,” Calum laughs.

“He’s a good egg,” Indie says and kisses Inka’s neck.

“Wait, do that again,” Calum says and Indie presses her lips to Inka’s neck. He snaps the picture and he grins. “That’s a good one.”

“Stay professional over there, sir,” Inka warns, narrowing her eyes.

“I am! It’s a sweet moment that’s all. You guys are close and have been through a lot. There aren’t too many friendships like that.”

“I always tell her she’s my soulmate,” Inka pats Indie's cheek then spins around again in the water.

“My friend Ash and I say the same thing.”

“You two take baths together, too?” Inka asks and Indie laughs.

“No,” he laughs. “We wouldn’t fit.”

That gets them both laughing and he snaps a picture of it, the pure joy and amusement on their faces. He notices goosebumps are on Indie’s arms.

“You’re getting cold, Indie,” he comments.

“Yeah, we should get out soon. Did you get some good photos?” she asks, sitting up a little straighter, her hands on the edge of the tub.

“Wait, Cal get one more picture,” Inka stops Indie from standing.

He poises the camera to his eye again and watches as Inka leans in and gives Indie a soft kiss on the lips. She holds the kiss so he can take the picture and he keeps snapping when they pull away and smile at each other.

They both rise from the tub with more water sloshing over the sides; all the bubbles are gone now. Calum stands handing them each a towel; he’s trying to wrap his head around that kiss. He kisses his friends too, but to see Indie be kissed by a girl made that pang form in his chest again like when she hugged Roy and not him.

He shouldn’t be jealous; they’re just friends and he pinky promised.

“I’ll order some pizza and upload these so we can look at them,” Inka says, wrapping the towel around her. She folds it over so it’s held to her body like a strapless dress. “Time to put your camera skills to the test.”

The photos ended up looking really well. He could tell the differences between his and Inka’s, hers were angled in different ways to make the focal point look cool. His photos were straighter on but Inka was impressed by some of his close-up shots of their laughter.

The three of them watched a movie as they ate their pizza, laughing at the scenes and more memories that came about for Indie and Inka. Calum really liked Inka and she gave him a hug when she left, promising she’ll contact him if she needs his help for her own photos.

“You have her approval by the way,” Indie says, moving back to the couch pulling her blanket over her legs.

“Approval?” He joins her resting his arm over the back of her couch.

“Of being my guy best friend. This was sort of a test of hers by having you deal with our shenanigans and being half naked in the tub.”

“Elaborate, please?” he chuckles. “Did she think I’d be weird about it?”

“She’s a little protective over me. We’re best friends but…” Indie looks at her hands in her lap; she starts to play with the edge of the blanket.

“But…?” he prompts and she bites her lip. “I feel like this is a pinky promise moment.”

“It is.”

He holds out his pinky waiting for her to link their fingers. She takes in a deep breath and hooks her pinky around his but she doesn’t let it go when she speaks. Her eyes are trained on their pinkies.

“Inka and I dated actually, for a short time. It was right when I moved out here and we got super close super-fast, I felt the most comfortable with her in the friend group I fell into. She’s the first one I voiced my attraction to women about and she said she was the same. We both don’t like labels. And... Yeah, we dated for a couple months but both agreed our friendship was more important than if we broke up badly.”

“So, you’re attracted to men and women or just women?” he asks softly.

“Both,” she says, her eyes still on their pinkies. “Inka’s the only woman I’ve dated and have been with but I’ve had other crushes. They just never went anywhere.”

“Hey, look at me,” he tugs on her pinky lightly until her eyes meet his. “Why do you seem scared?”

“When I tell other guys about it they get all weird and ask for threesomes or they get freaked out like I'm going to cheat on them with her or something. I’m attracted to girls but it’s more than attraction, too.”

“I get it,” he nods, “you don’t have to explain to me. You care for people for who they are. I’m sorry if you felt cautious to tell me. You can tell me anything, Indie.”

“It’s just nerve wracking, that’s all,” she lets out a shaky laugh. “I knew you wouldn’t be creepy with the photos but while we were doing them I figured this would be a good time to tell you.”

“Thank you for telling me, it helps me get to know you better,” he smiles. She gives him one back then pulls her pinky away so she can give him a hug.

He holds her tightly, feeling how fast her heart is beating. They didn't let go until her heart slowed down and matched his.

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

Every day at the studio, Luke would pester Calum asking when they would finally get to meet Indie. Not long after, Ashton and Michael would chime in as well about wanting to meet her and Calum would do his best to ignore them. But he knows his brothers and they’re persistent to the point where it will make you go mad if you don’t agree.

Today was more of a chill day tossing random lyrics and notes around trying to make it into a song. While the other three were goofing off, Calum was at the piano trying to work out the notes that have been swimming in his head for the last couple months. He has the first and last notes down pat but what is in the middle? He can’t figure it out.

“Hey, Cal,” Luke calls, “you should have a party tonight.”

“What for?”

“So, we can all hang out, drink, eat, meet Indie…”

Calum’s hands fall away from the keys and he twists around on the bench to see Luke smiling with all his teeth. He looks like that emoji with his teeth bared.

“Why do you want to meet her so badly?”

“She’s friends with you, we want to be friends with her as well,” Luke shrugs.

“Roy knows her, why can’t we?” Ashton adds.

“Yeah, is she even real at this point?” Michael chortles.

“Yes, she’s real,” Calum rolls his eyes. “How—”

His phone buzzes on the table.

“It’s Indie!” Luke exclaims trying to snatch up the phone.

Calum darts forward grabbing his phone before they can. Thankfully, it was just a text because he knew if he picked up the phone one of them would have found a way to speak with Indie and say something ridiculous.

“Stop acting like we’re twelve,” Calum shakes his head. “Two of you are married.”

“I’m engaged, actually,” Luke corrects, leaning back on the couch. He crosses his converse covered feet at the ankles. “What’d she want?”

Against his better judgment, Calum opens the message to see three photos and a text. They’re all the same photos just taken in different positions. It’s her naked body, from just below her breasts to the tops of her thighs. She’s poised in a way that you can’t see anything and it ranges from black and white, sepia, and the original photo.

‘Which one should I post?’ was the text sent.

“She sent me photos asking for help on which ones to pick for a post,” Calum says already typing away about how she should do all of them. Then he asks how her day’s going. He looks up at his friends and they’re giving him the same look of expectation. “Ugh, fine! If I invite her over you can’t be weird as shit like you are right now.”

They whoop and holler at that news.

“Finally, we get to meet the infamous Indie,” Luke sighs, resting his head on his hands. Calum throws a pillow right at his face.

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

All of Calum’s friends are mingling in the backyard and kitchen area, conversation and laughter is heard over the low sound of the music playing. He’s ordered pizza and wings for everyone to enjoy and they should be delivered in about forty-five minutes. He’s been anxiously waiting for Indie to arrive but is also nervous about how the guys will act around her.

Bianca is out of town so she couldn’t make it and Calum wasn’t too sure what his feelings are about her not being here. She told him to have fun and not get too rowdy, so he appreciates that small sentiment.

Indie was excited to meet everyone else when he called her and when she asked if she could bring a friend, he assumed it was Inka so he of course said yes.

Boy was he ever wrong.

He was popping open another white claw when Andy and Sarah announced her name. He looks up in excitement to see her hugging Sarah but then it falters when he sees it’s not Inka that’s next to her. It’s that guy Ian from her Instagram posts that she posed with. The pang in his chest is back when Ian places his arm over Indie’s bare shoulders and shakes Andy and Sarah’s hand.

Calum takes notice of her outfit; she has on a dark blue top with the sleeves that only go to the tops of her arms and black jean shorts with some black boots. Her dark purple hair is pulled back behind her head in a sort of braid.

“Hey isn’t that—”

“Indie?” Calum finishes Luke’s sentence and takes a long drink of his white claw. “Yeah, let’s go introduce you.”

Ashton and Michael met them by Indie and she gave Calum a big smile.

“Hey! How’re you?” she asks rising on her tiptoes to give him a hug. Ian and Calum’s eyes meet briefly before Indie pulls away.

“I’m good, glad you could come,” Calum forces a smile. “Uh, these are the guys. It’s about time you all met. This is Luke, Ashton, and Michael. Guys, this is Indie.”

“So, you are a real person,” Ashton nods, shaking her hand.

“As opposed to what? A blow-up doll?” Indie teases and Michael chokes on his own drink.

Calum grins because he knows she’ll be able to handle herself around them. He just hopes they don’t say anything about him that would raise questions.

“I like you,” Ashton smiles. “Who’s this you brought along?”

“Oh! Right, sorry. This is Ian,” she introduces.

Calum eyes him up while he shakes his friends’ hands. He’s about the same height as Calum with short brown hair that kind of sticks up in the front. He’s got tan skin, an arm of tattoos, and has a lean muscular build.

“And this is Calum,” Indie introduces him last.

Calum notices she didn’t say ‘my friend’ or ‘my boyfriend’ when introducing Ian, so what is he exactly?

“Good to finally meet you, man,” Ian holds out his hand.

“Likewise,” Calum makes sure his grip is tight, but so is Ian’s. “Help yourselves to drinks from the coolers and kitchen. Pizza and wings should be coming soon.”

The pang in Calum’s chest only grows as the night progresses. He’s not quite sure what to make of Ian except that he and Indie are very comfortable with each other. When Calum is in ear shot they’re always flirting and touching each other.

“Sooo…” Luke drawls sidling next to Calum. “He’s that guy from her Instagram, right?”

“Yup.”

“Are he and Indie dating?”

“No idea,” Calum’s voice is clipped. He takes a drink of his white claw. The pang keeps getting sharper, his fingers are twitching for a cigarette and now he really wants some weed.

“Are you all right?”

Calum watches Ian come up behind Indie with another drink for her and he smacks her ass then proceeds to rub her back. Indie smiles up at him taking the cup.

“Yeah, I’m all right. We’re just friends,” Calum sighs.

When the party dwindled down, it was only Ashton, Michael, Luke, Andy, Sarah,Indie and Ian left sitting around the firepit. The conversation transitions from topic to topic that are mainly centered on Indie and finding out more about her. Just as Calum suspected, she’s very cryptic in her responses and that makes him smile. Calum’s sitting across the way from her and her legs are resting on Ian’s lap. Ian’s hands are rubbing at her calves.

Calum tells himself it doesn’t bother him.

Somehow the conversation turned to sex, which isn’t all that uncommon for their group but Calum was shooting daggers at Ashton because he didn’t want Indie to feel uncomfortable. As always, she surprised him and she was asking her own questions. Everyone answered her question of what their first time was like and they were all great stories of embarrassing moments.

When it came for her to answer, Calum sat up a little straighter in his chair.

“I was nineteen, wasn’t expecting it to happen at all. And you’re always told ‘oh, it’s this magical moment! You’ll be changed forever!’ but it literally lasted two or three minutes and I was like, ‘that’s it?’” she giggles. “I didn’t feel changed at all.”

“Two minutes?” Michael laughs. “Was it his first time too?”

“Hey, in my defense I’ve wanted to do it with her for a long time and when it finally happened…I lost control,” Ian smiles. “That tends to happen with Indie.”

Calum’s ears feel hot and it’s not from the fire. He ignores Luke’s quick glance to him from the bit of information that Ian was the first guy Indie had sex with.

“And we were also in your parent’s living room,” Indie giggles some more.

“All right, so now the next question…most rounds in one night?” Ashton asks lighting up another joint.

Calum wants to strangle him.

“What the hell is with all the sex talk, mate?” he finally asks trying to play it off as nonchalant, but the way Luke and Michael fidget, he knows it didn’t sound that way. No one else seems to notice, if Indie did he doesn’t know because he doesn’t dare look at her now.

“It’s a beautiful thing. It brings people closer by being open about it,” Ashton rests his ankle on his knee.

Calum snorts and shakes his head crossing his arms. He shakes his leg in annoyance.

Everyone says one or two rounds with little stories with each one. Michael made everyone laugh when he said one and a half.

“I was super drunk and it finally caught up with me and…yeah, I fell asleep,” Michael chortles. His eyes are heavy from drinking.

“That poor girl,” Andy says.

“I married her, so you know she’s the one,” Michael smiles.

“Where are Crystal and Sierra? I was looking forward to meeting them, too,” Indie says.

“They’re both at some fashion expo,” Luke explains. “We’ll all get together; they want to meet you too.”

Then fashion is the next topic of conversation until Ashton opens his mouth again. The weed must have set him off in a very inquisitive buzz.

“Indie, you didn’t answer the round's question.”

“I don’t want to be judged,” she holds up her hands in defense.

“This is a judgment free zone, this is a safe space, c’mon,” Ashton smiles lazily.

Indie looks at each person individually, except Calum before she answers.

“Three times,” she sighs, staring into the fire.

There’s a collective ‘woah’ around the group and sounds of approval. She tries to hide her smile but fails and ends up covering her face.

“Damn, that dude’s got stamina,” Michael says.

“It was a fun night,” Ian smirks while taking a drink of his beer. Indie smacks him in the shoulder and that earns even more of a reaction from the group.

They all want to know details and context, but Calum is seething. He really wants to get up and leave because he doesn’t want to hear anymore, but he knows that will cause more questions.

He remains silent for the rest of the night thinking about everything and questioning everything. He wants to know if Indie and Ian are dating and he wants to know why it matters to him so much. It really shouldn’t and that just makes him angrier.

He’s glad his friends are getting along with Indie, but he wishes it weren’t in this type of context.

When everyone had left, Calum was stuffing plates and cups in a large trash bag then he was going to light up a joint in hopes that would help calm his mind and rid his thoughts of seeing Ian and Indie together. He doesn’t even want to think about what they’re doing right now.

☆°•.¸☆¸.•°☆

Taglist: @calumance  @in-superbloom @calpalirwin @karajaynetoday @wiiildflowerrr-blog1 @sunshineeeluke @littledrummeraussie @suchalonelysunflower @hoodhoran @Fobodob @thew0rldneedsmcreycghurt @sunshineeashton @ashtonsunflower​ @mymindwide​ @itjustkindahappenedreally @seanna313 @fivesecondsofonedirection @mulletcal @pandaxnienke @sebsbrokentoe @heartskippeddabat

[stillaclosetwitch]

~ Deity work: Aphrodite ~ DEVOTIONAL ACTS

I came up with a bunch of easy devotional acts and I felt like sharing with the rest of Aphrodite’s followers. This goes without saying, but this is only but a list of possible ways to honor her - it’s up to each individual to try the ones they find appealing and to ignore the ones that they don’t. That said, the list:

Read prayers out loud. Whether you wrote them or not, it doesn’t matter (just don’t pretend you wrote it if you didn’t because she won’t like it, my dude)

Talk to her. If you have a statue of Aphrodite, talk looking to the eyes. If you don’t have a statue of her, look at your own eyes in a mirror - that’s her right there, listening to you. You’ll see how much easier it’s to connect with her if you’re looking to each other’s eyes.

Dress up for her. Wear clothes that make you feel confident and beautiful for no other reason than honoring her and yourself.

Compliment people on a daily basis. It don’t matter if they are friends or strangers. A quick ‘I love your hair’ will surely make someone’s day and I guarantee you’ll feel amazing afterwards.

Work on loving yourself. You could practise self care, say affirmations about your body when you wake up (I look at myself in the mirror and say ‘My cellulite doesn’t bother me anymore’ every day), come up with a skin-care routine, take some looong soothing bubble baths... You name it.

Sleep a little bit earlier than usual or take naps during the day. Call ‘em your ‘Beauty sleep’ unironically.

Create your own face and/or hair masks. You could use ingredients linked or related to her, like cinnamon or strawberry.

Sexually please yourself / explore and know your body.

Make love or just have sex.

Write love letters or stories. They don’t need to be directed to anyone in particular and they don’t even need to be about romantic love - there’s countless of other kinds of love: love between friends, between siblings, the love of a mother to her child and viceversa... You could even write about a fandom ship and call it a day - just think of her while you do it, let her inspire you.

Start a rose garden. It could be as easy as buying freshly cut roses and starting your bush from that: there are a few tricks you could try, like sticking its stem in a potato or in the inside of aloe vera and planting them - these are supposed to promote root growth. If you do this, don’t ever neglect it because it will be the same as neglecting your relationship with Aphrodite Herself. Nurture the flowers like you’re nurturing your relationship with her and talk to the flowers like they are your friends.

Create a playlist with songs that remind you of her. Press play and let it go uninterrupted from the first to the last song while you clean, cook, study, bathe, whatever.

If you play an instrument, play for her. Make it her own personal concert. I recommend taking a chair and placing it in front of you. You can leave the chair empty and loudly invite her to come and sit OR you could place a statue of her on the chair or a mirror to, again, lok at her eyes while you play. (Make sure the statue or mirror are secure in the chair and they won’t fall over.)

Do you sing? Sing for Her! Again, do the personal-concert-with-a-chair-in-front thing explained above. Leave it empty or place a statue or a mirror on it.

Bake her something sweet. Could be as simple as cookies or as elaborate as a full on cake. That’s up to you. Offer it to her and wait a moment before eating it. Here’s a post about why you should eat that offering, if you’re reluctant or unsure.

Watch a romantic film.

Watch a sexy film.

Read a romantic book.

Read erotic literature.

Treat yourself to new stuff. Could be clothes, make up, baking items, books... Whatever you want to have but are unsure about actually purchasing it or not. Just do it.

Change your look. Dye your hair a different color, maybe even a crazy one, change your typical hairstyle, cut your hair a different way, do your nails or try a different fashion style.

Research her story. Look up myths, compare how they portray her to how you personally feel her, study how ancient Greeks viewed and honored her.

Meditate upon her. Feel her energy, hear her voice, absorb her thoughts. Listen to her and let her guide you. I play this music while doing this.

Create an altar or shrine just for her. Do your meditation, devotional acts and spellwork that need her aid on this place.

Journal your experiences when doing deity work. Use a notebook, your laptop, cellphone or even your own grimoire. Write date and time and proceed to describe what you did for her, with her, what you felt, maybe if you dreamed about her, if you think she sent you a sign or is trying to say something, if you think you met her while astral projecting - ANYTHING about her. Write it down. As you grow in your practice you will want to see how it all started and how far you’ve come - eventually you might even be able to decipher the signs she sent you and never completely understood.

Keep your space clean, nice and tidy. Show that you respect her enough to live like a decent human being.

Honor her by doing something for someone else. Feed stray cats or dogs, feed ducks, swans or pigeons, buy lunch to a homeless person.

Help people know her. Share your personal experiences, write about her on your blog, create a devotional blog just for her, spread knowledge, help people find her way to her.

Take a trip to the sea. Bathe in the water, go diving, walk barefoot on the beach, feel the sand on your toes, collect pretty shells as you go, take a bag with you and help clean off trash and cigarette butts.

Sweeten your tea with honey instead of sugar.

Become a beekeeper / help local beekeepers.

Plant flowers that attract bees in your own garden or in public parks.

I hope you find some of these inspiring. Let me know if you did!

See also: Tip to start deity work and Offerings for Aphrodite

[lauwrite1225]

Somebody to die for.

Finan x OC; The Old Guard inspired Alternative Universe

Summary : Victoria’s life is rather simple until she has a car accident from which she ends up miraculously unscathed. A series of weird events animates her daily life, everything seemingly bringing her to a strange man. Until this very man knocks at her door.

Spotify Playlist • Masterlist

A/N : Happy Finan Friday my friends! Alright it's still thursday to most of yall, but it isn't in France anymore and I was to excited to post to wait the morning lmaoo. I had so many good feedbacks on chapter one, you all can’t imagine how happy it made me! So as you noticed, I like to change the moodboard for each chapter, I hve fun making this ahah, I hope you all don’t mind!

Warnings : blood and death

Chapter 2 : There’s a truth and it’s on our side

Victoria blinks several times at the man standing right in front of her. Her eyes go down and up his body, analysing every inch of him and when she realizes he is wearing the same sweatshirt as the man in the bookshop, she’s panic-stricken. He doesn’t even have the time to say a word as she closes the door in his face and presses her back against it. Did this psychopath follow her to her home? She doesn’t see any other explanation, or maybe it’s just the one making the most sense. Because even if it's the guy from the bookshop, it doesn’t explain why he is the one she’s been dreaming of for a month now. Christ, things couldn’t get weirder. 

She gathers all the courage she has and shouts through the door. “Who the hell are you?”

She hears the man scoff, the sound attenuated by the door. “Ya wouldn’t trust me if I tell ya like this.” 

Her fingers nervously drum on her thigh. “Are you… Are you the “time traveller”?” This question would probably make her sound crazy, but a stranger knocking at your door after following you from your work place is undoubtedly crazier. The thought makes her realize that keeping talking to him maybe isn’t in fact the best idea, and as the man hesitates to answer, she looks around for her phone. 

“Hum… Yes kinda.” He replies and Vicky freezes. He doesn’t even deny, which confirms her assumption that he really is mad. “But I’m not really a time traveler.” 

Victoria frowns. “What do you mean?”

“That’s hard to explain to a door.” He jokes but Vicky doesn’t laugh, so he answers in a more neutral tone. “I think you and I are the same.”

“The same?” She repeats, her eyes finally falling on her phone. She walks aways from the door to take it from the table and leans against the door again. 

She starts to type the number of the police when he speaks. “It’s goin’ to sound really weird. But… I’ve seen ya in my dreams.” Victoria immediately pauses, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard. Her breath strangely accelerates as she considers his words.

“How can I know you’re telling me the truth?”

“Ya’ve been in a car accident. That’s the first dream I’ve got of ya.”

Victoria is breathless. She has spoken to no one about it, only giving lies, affirming her car has been stolen. She doesn’t know if his answer should reassure her or not, but she switches off her phone and slides it in her pocket before unlocking the door and opening it just slightly. “How do you know that?” She asks him, her voice between fear and curiosity. 

The man’s gaze is soft as he rubs the back of his neck. “Told ya, I dreamt of it. Maybe we could talk inside? It's better if there’s no one to hear us.”

Vicky hesitates, staring alternatively between him and the inside of her flat, until she finally moves away. Every part of her mind is screaming at her how bad an idea it is to let this strange, very strange man in, but her intuitions and curiosity are thinking otherwise. She has spent the weirdest month of her life, and something is telling her he would have the answers. 

“What’s your name?” She asks, closing the door behind him.

“Finan.” He smiles. “And ya’re Victoria?”

She narrows her eyes at him. “I am.” She studies him from a decent distance, actually more like a safe one. He is every bit of the man she’s been dreaming of, tall, thick dark hair, a few scars on his face, strong shoulders and something she has grown to find endearing about him, his childish smile. She wonders if he knows she’s been dreaming about him as well, he would have probably already mentioned it if he did. “So, why do you think we are the same?” She asks, her arms crossed over her chest. 

Finan looks around, as if to be sure that there is no one else listening. “I think you died during your accident.” 

“What?” She exclaims, her eyes widening. “I wouldn’t be standing here if I was dead.” She answers, tilting her head at what seems to be obvious to her. 

“That’s why I said you died.” He replies, insisting on the last word. 

“So I came back to life?” 

“Yes.”

“That’s the craziest shit I’ve ever heard.” She says in an awkwardly neutral tone.

Finan rolls his eyes. “Then you should have a wound, anything that would prove you’ve had a crash. T’was quite violent of what I remember.” He raises an eyebrow and Vicky finds nothing to answer. He is right, she is miraculously alive, but the blood she found in the car and on her clothes doesn’t match that reality.

“How do you know all of that?” She asks again.

He moves forward but she immediately steps back. “I told ya, I think we’re the same. I died several times before.”

Vicky’s face twists in disbelief. “I can’t believe that.” She says. 

The man sighs, his shoulders falling heavily and looking up to the ceiling. “I guess I don’t have another choice than to make ya believe me.” He puts his hand in his pocket and removes a folding knife from it. 

“What are you doing?” She panics, stepping back even more.

He raises his hands in sign of peace. “Calm down, I won’t hurt ya.” He promises.

However, he unfolds the knife and to Victoria’s surprise he doesn’t try to attack her, but brings it to his neck. Finan takes a deep breath and murmurs something before sinking the blade in his throat, grimacing at the pain that occurs. A scream of horror escapes her as he falls to the floor, blood coming out of the wound and his mouth. She rushes to his side, removing the knife and pressing her hand on his throat to stop the bleedings.

“No, no, no, no… Stay with me, please.” She freaks out while Finan is bleeding to death on the floor of her flat, gasping for air. He holds her gaze, and in contrast to the time she dreamt of his death, he seems calm. With her other hand, she tries to find his pulse, but there’s nothing. “No…” She whispers, breathless. “No, no, no! You can’t be dead!” She starts to shake his shoulders and as he remains inert, she grabs her phone in her pocket and starts to tap the emergency number, trying not to tremble too much.

But before she can press on the green button, Finan takes a deep breath as if he is coming out of the water. Surprised, she drops her phone and falls back. He coughs several times, spitting blood as he sits up. Victoria can’t keep her wide opened eyes from him, especially when she notices how the wound in his neck heals by itself in a minute until there’s nothing, not even a scar. He wipes the blood from his mouth with the back of his hand and looks at the red puddle around him. 

“Hum… Sorry for the mess.” He apologizes as his eyes meet hers.

But Vicky can’t care less. “You were dead, and you’re fucking alive.” She whispers, not believing what she just witnessed.

“D'ya trust me now?” He asks her.

Vicky opens her mouth, but no sound comes out of it. She rubs her face with both her hands, not caring about the blood still on them. None of this makes sense, but it is undeniably real. “How did you do that?” She questions him, removing her hands.

Finan's gaze darkens for a brief moment. “I wish I knew.” He stands up, stretching his arms and her mind still can't grasp the fact that a few minutes ago he was dead. He walks towards her but he keeps the same distance she has settled before. “But I'm sure the same happened to ya.” 

Victoria looks up to him and there's some sort of joy sparking in his eyes to know she is like him and she wonders if until now, he has been the only one like this. She frowns, she knows nothing of him, but in a short time, he has revealed her every secret of what she could only call a superpower, and she feels like he deserves to know everything as well. 

“I dreamt of you too.” she says softly and it's Finan's turn to stare at her with wide eyes. 

He crouches in front of her. “Really?”

She shakes her head up and down vigorously. “I saw your death too. But you were wearing a leather armour, fighting in a clearing during the night.” Finan's face becomes as pale as a ghost as she explains her own dreams. “And then you're stabbed from behind, and I can feel all the pain, how the life is leaving your body.” She is quite surprised she succeeds to actually put words on it, thinking of it still giving her thrills. “I dreamt of other things, during other periods of time, but you’re always there.” She concludes, looking up from her bloody hands to him. “What does it mean?” 

“I’ve no idea.”

They both say nothing for a moment, simply trying to understand all the information. Everything seems so surrealistic to Vicky but she can’t deny all of this somehow makes sense. She sighs, like it could clear her confused thoughts and looks at the amount of blood on her floor. 

“Hm… I think I should clean that.” She says, pointing vaguely at the area. 

Finan looks behind him, grimacing. “Aye, let me help ya with that.”

“Sounds fair after you killed yourself in my entrance.” She adds as she rises to her feet, Finan doing so as well, chuckling lightly. 

She walks to a closet and comes back with a mop and a bucket. While she fills it with hot water and a little bit of cleaning soap, she discreetly observes Finan. It’s really strange to see him in a modern outfit after dreaming of him so many times in Middle Age clothes. She frowns, this thought bringing a new question.

“I have a question.” She declares, stepping towards him with the bucket while he grabs the mop she has leaned against a chair.

“Ask it.” He sinks the mop into the water and wrings it out while waiting for her question. 

“When did you die?”

The corner of his mouth rises. “I told ya, I died many times.” 

Vicky rolls her eyes. “I mean the first time.” 

Finan pauses, stopping to clean her floor, his eyes darkening as earlier. “Sometime during the ninth century.” He answers finally.

She makes a strangled sort of noise. “The ninth century? You’re what? A thousand years old? You look barely thirty!”

“I guess I should take that as a compliment.” He chuckles but Victoria isn’t in the mood to share a laugh. 

“Oh fuck me, you must be kidding me.” She sighs, sitting on the nearest chair. “Are you the only one like this?” She hesitates on a word that describes what she means but can't to a better one than : “Immortal?”

Finan shrugs. “As far as I know, there was just me until now.”

“So we are two.” She points her finger at her chest and then his. “Just you and I.” He nods, pinching his lips in a thin line while she shakes her head. “That's fucking insane.” 

“You're tellin' me!” He exclaims exaggeratingly.

But again Victoria ignores his attempt of jokes to ask another question. “How did you find me?”

His cheeky smile fades and he leans on the handle of the mop. “Well, in my dreams I could see moments of your life and I just tried to put all the pieces together.”

“That's creepy.”

This time he is the one rolling his eyes. “Trust me lass, when you'll have kept living for a millennial, being creepy will be the least of your problems.”

“So it was you in the bookshop?” He nods. “And you followed me?”

“I did.” He admits, finished with cleaning the floor. “Alright, maybe it really is creepy.” Victoria raises her eyebrows, as if she's surprised by his affirmation. “But it never happened to me before, and I just… I just had an intuition.”

“Well, it's maybe the least weird thing you told me since you knocked at my door.” She sighs taking the bucket and the mop from his hands to empty it in the toilets. When she comes back after putting everything back into the closet she pays more attention to the blood staining Finan's sweatshirt and her own clothes. “I should change clothes.” She says, pulling the edge of one of her sleeves, already annoyed by the time it will take to clean it correctly. “I must have something for you.”

Finan raises, probably doubting any of her clothes could fit him as she is a head smaller than him. 

“From my ex.” She answers, clearly having read his mind. 

“Ah, yeah. Thank ya.”

She walks away to her bedroom, taking the first clothes she finds and changing, making a pile of the dirty ones. Then she pulls out of a drawer a sweater from her ex that she hasn't thrown away yet. Before coming back to the living room she stops in the bathroom to wash her hands and face from the dried blood. The water is enjoyable, the only thing constant during this day where all her truths are being riled. She stares at her reflection in the mirror, meeting her own green eyes. 

“Maybe it's just a dream.” She says softly and brings her finger to her mouth. She bites in it, hard enough to break the skin. She hisses when she tastes a drop of blood on her tongue. It wasn't a dream. 

Suddenly, knocks at her door startle her and she bursts out of the bathroom. Finan is still in the middle of the living room, looking between her and the door. He looks as panicked as her and Vicky points at the room she just walked out of. 

“Hide in the bathroom.”

Finan doesn't object, grabbing the sweatshirt she hands him on his way. Once she has heard the door of the bathroom closing behind him she rushes to the front door and slowly opens. 

“Becca? What are you doing here?” Victoria asks after recognizing her best friend. 

Rebecca raises a surprised eyebrow. “You seem pleased to see me. I texted you I was coming.” She says, waving the hand with which she's holding her phone. 

“Oh… I'm sorry, I didn't really check my phone.” Victoria rubs the back of her neck. “Anyway, what do you want?”

Rebecca narrows her eyes, warning her that she's sounding weird, so she straightens a little and plasters her best smile on her face. 

“I forgot my gym bag here, yesterday. I just wanted to get it back.”

“Yeah, sure.” Victoria moves away from the door and Becca steps in, patiently waiting for her best friend to come back with the bag. 

She searches in the living room but she becomes pale when she hears a noise from the bathroom. “Is there someone else here?” She hears Rebecca ask. 

At the time she answers, she has found the bag and is walking back to her, quite nervous. “No.” She replies dryly and oh, how bad she is at lying, especially to Rebecca.

Her friend's face breaks into a mischievous smirk. “Are you hiding a boy?” 

Vicky stares at her with wide eyes before scoffing. “Absolutely not!” She hands her the bag quite abruptly. “Here's your bag. Do you need anything else?”

The tan skinned woman studies her for a second, no doubt knowing she's lying and Vicky is sure will probably hear of it in the following days. “No, that's all.” 

As soon as she's gone, Victoria heaves a sigh and turns around when the bathroom door opens. 

Finan's head appears from the small opening. “Am I the boy she's talking about?” 

“Obviously not, you're a thousand years old, old man.” She snaps, joining him.“The hell were you doing?” She pronounces her last words slower as she notices that he is standing bare chested in front of her, his skin covered with scars. She tries to keep her gaze on to his face, the blood now washed away from his beard and neck. “Doesn't matter. Get dressed.”

Vicky waits patiently in the living room for Finan to come back. When he comes back he’s wearing an uncomfortable smile, one of his thumbs jammed in his trousers pocket while he has his dirty sweatshirt in his other hand. There’s an awkward silence but Vicky couldn’t care less, sitting on a chair, her elbows resting on her thighs and her hands sliding into her hair. Finan comes closer to her and gently puts his hands on her shoulder, she doesn’t push him away, even if she wouldn’t usually allow such proximity with a stranger.

“Maybe I should let ya alone, so ya can process everythin’.” He says softly and when she lifts her head his gaze is as soft as his voice. She nods and he squeezes her shoulder before stepping to the fridge and writting something on a post-it glued on it. “That’s the hotel where I sleep, if ya need anythin’.” 

“Thank you.” 

He leaves right after, and somehow, Vicky hoped that as soon as he’d leave things would appear to be just a big joke. But she looks at the finger she bit earlier and there is no mark of her teeth, no wound. Her skin is as soft and healthy as usual.

A/N : This chapter’s dialogues are clearly the base of this fic, espacially the “a thousand yo??!!” sksks, or Finan killing himself, as @maggiescarborough​ told me : a real drama queen. Anyway, see you next week for the next chapter ;)

Tag : @obipoelover​ @for-bebbanburg​ @naps4bats​ @osferth​ @maggiescarborough​ @finansarms​ @dumbledoreisnotmyhubby​

[wkemeup]

I’m With You (1/3)

series summary: When two strangers meet on a layover in the Charlotte Airport, they find that a lifetime can sit in the span of three days and it doesn’t take very long at all to fall in love. pairing: bucky x reader warnings: super soft!bucky, shenanigans, literally no legit warnings its a miracle, rare kas fluff a/n: the first part of this fic was inspired after I got stuck in Atlanta on a layover a few months back and my imagination ran wild lol 🌸series masterlist // series playlist 🌸

T H E   L A Y O V E R

Perhaps you should have known it was coming after the second time the flight got delayed. Nearing on two hours past your departure time and with a monsoon brewing past the windows outside, it was a wonder anyone at the gate was still holding onto hope. That was, until the moment the young gate agents with cheeks burning bright red announced that your flight had been canceled.

In most circumstances, you wouldn’t have been relieved as you were in that moment, standing in a never-ending line extending out into the middle of the walkway with disgruntled, stranded passengers grumbling under their breath and arguing amongst one another.

Most circumstances didn’t involve you flying to Atlanta to attend the wedding of the last and only man to break your heart.

You stood behind a rather tall man in a dark navy business suit, carrying a leather briefcase and tapping his toe incessantly as the single gate agent attempted to address the needs of the completely booked flight currently waiting in line. The man in the suit was barking orders at what seemed to be a poor intern on the other end of the phone as he nudged an elderly woman ahead of him to take a step forward the very second the line moved up.

With a roll of your eyes, you took a sip from the burning hot coffee you’d purchased shortly after the second delay, despite the fact that it had been nearing 11:00pm at the time. You seemed to be the only one who was mildly relieved by the cancelation and threat of spending an overnight stay in the Charlotte airport, though that didn’t surprise you much. Still, you didn’t much mind the possibility that you would have a genuine, no-fault-of-your-own, entirely-mother-nature’s-curse, excuse to avoid your ex’s wedding.

Then, carrying gently between the aggravated conversations around you, the soft humming of someone standing behind you pulled you from your daze.

You didn’t dare turn around, but you listened intently, caught up in the low vibrations of his voice, not entirely in key, but charming, and sweet. It sat in sharp contrast to the chaos surrounding you to hear something so relaxed, at ease, amongst the panic and frustration.

The coffee was still hot on your lips and you winced as it passed on your tongue. The man ahead of you folded his arms over his chest, relentlessly making a show of looking up and around those ahead of him to prove he had better things to do, to show that he was impatient and clearly irritated by his situation as he was the only one with somewhere to be.

Those ahead of him weren’t much better; the lot of them all on the phone with representatives from the airlines and demanding their money back, demanding answers for next available flights, and blaming poor customer service for their troubles as if it was the gate agent’s fault that a monsoon had plundered its way through North Carolina.

“What a bunch of barbarians,” the voice behind you chuckled under his breath, the humming pausing for only a moment. His tone was like honey and you found yourself smiling, suppressing the subtle movement of your shoulders as you laughed quietly to yourself at his comment.  

“Bet the guy at the desk is going to lose his shit in about two minutes,” he said to himself, though you wondered briefly if he was talking to someone next to him or behind him, or maybe even you, though you didn’t dare to turn around. No one else responded to his commentary.

You glanced up ahead to who he seemed to be referring to, to find a middle-aged man in khaki slacks and a light blue polo, gripping a newspaper harshly in one hand and tapping his knuckles against the counter top with the other. His face was beet red, jaw clenching, and starring daggers into the poor gate agent.

It barely took longer than a few seconds before the man slammed his fist down onto the countertop, causing you to flinch in response. The honey-voiced man behind you chuckled under his breath, clearly amused by the aggressive reactions of those around him.

You found yourself wanting to turn over your shoulder, to steal a glance at the man with the sweetest sounding voice, even in off-key humming, who laughed in times of chaos and didn’t seem to be bothered at all to be standing in a seemingly never-ending line nearing midnight in the middle of Charlotte Douglas International.

In your brief moment of distraction, you didn’t notice the man in the suit take a sharp step back in reflex to the person at the front of the line waving their hands about, setting off a chain reaction of passengers flinching away from the scene. His elbow slammed down into the lid of your coffee and it slipped from your fingers with a gasp.

The cup fell to the floor in the kind of slow motion you see in the movies, like maybe if you reached out in time you could have grabbed it mid-air, but instead the cardboard cup slammed to the tile and the coffee spewed from the top as the lid broke away, dousing the pant legs of the man in the suit ahead of you. He yelped, jumping away from you and shoving you back with a harsh thrust.

Unsteady on your feet from the shock of it, you fell back into person behind you, into the man with the honey voice and the amusing observations. He caught you before you hit the ground with his arms hooked under yours, smelling of something like warmth and comfort and flannel and fireplaces, before you even caught sight of his face.

Blue eyed. The damned near bluest eyes you’d ever seen in your life and they were gentle, kind, like they were painted with care with several shades from the Mediterranean Sea and a cloudless sky and the petals of an iris. Bristles of scruff on his cheeks and dark brown hair brushed up in sweeps away from his eyes. He smiled softly at you, reassuringly, as he helped you back to your feet.

“You alright?” he asked softly and you nodded, just about lost in the smooth tone of his voice, up until the moment suit-man let out an aggravated howl.

“Look what you’ve done!” the man shouted, grabbing at the backs of his pant legs in disgust and sending darting glares at you.

Your lips parted to say something, but you were never good under pressure, not with so many wondering eyes looking over in your direction, whispering to one another, pointing and staring. Cheeks burning red and heating all the way down your neck, you felt a pang of embarrassment, of shame. You bent down quickly to retrieve the empty cup, stepping away from the pool of coffee on the floor.

“I’m-- I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t--”

“You didn’t mean to?” he scoffed, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Do you have any idea how much this suit costs?! Probably more than a month of your salary, sweetheart!”

“Hey man, back off! It was clearly an accident,” blue-eyes interjected from behind you, carefully side stepping around you to put himself in the cross hairs. “It was your elbow that knocked it out of her hand in the first place.”

The man glared at blue-eyes, studying him up as if he was determining if carrying on this fight was worth it with a man at least a decade younger and a build twice his size. He seemed to only be eager to kick and yell and fight when it was at a target without much of a will for defense, someone like you. You clenched your jaw, hating how easily you fell into that trap.

“Goddamn millennials,” the man in the suit grumbled under his breath, narrowing his eyes on you one last time before he turned his attention back to the front of the line. You let out a heavy sigh, the relief pouring through you almost instantly. You gripped the empty cup in your hand until it bent and crumpled at the center.

“What an asshole,” blue-eyes grumbled next to you, offering you a soft kind of smile that still managed to crinkle up by his eyes. He glanced down at the cup folding under your tight grip. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you replied slowly, though you kept an extra foot of distance between you and the man in the suit, even as he took a step forward when the line moved. “Thanks for that, by the way. You didn’t have to say anything.”

“Sure, I did. Chivalry still exists, you know,” blue-eyes said, that charmingly smooth tone of his voice running almost in shivers up your spine.

“Not in my experience,” you muttered under your breath, uncertain if he could hear you, though he raised an eyebrow, his smile faltering somewhat. If he heard you, he didn’t say anything.

You waited for what felt like another hour before you made it to the front of the line. The gate agent looked exhausted and practically winced at you stepped up, as if he was preparing himself for another verbal attack, but you were soft spoken and patient with him, a kind of change he wasn’t expecting.

Blue-eyes was on your right, talking with the second agent who had rushed up to the counter to assist. You could feel him glance over at you every few moments as you complimented the agent on his organization and calmness under pressure, getting the young man to laugh nervously in response.

The gate agent smiled a bit as he handed you a tentative flight and instructed you to listen to the overhead monitors for any changes. You nodded as you took the new ticket and grabbed your bag, getting ready to go find a quiet place by yourself to mentally prepare for facing this weekend after the nightmare it was already starting out on.

Attending your ex’s wedding was already a worst case scenario on its own. Now you’d have to show up with less than a few hours night rest, if any at all. You were sure you’d hear comments circulating about the bags under your eyes and the exhaustion plated on your face they’d no doubt attribute to remorse for a relationship that was kinder in your memories than it was in real life.  

You started to make your way out to the walkway when you heard a voice call out behind you.

“Wait, hold up!”

You turned over your shoulder to find blue-eyes finishing up at the counter and swinging his bag over his shoulder, a new ticket in his right hand. He jogged a few paces to catch up with you as you stilled.

“Any chance you’ll let me replace that coffee?” he asked with a warm smiling brimming on his lips.

“What?” you gaped.

You glanced down at your faded leggings, worn sneakers, and flannel hanging loosely over your shoulders. You didn’t consider yourself the type that men approached for that sort of thing, especially men with eyes that blue and a voice like honey.

“I figure it’s going to be a long night and finding sleep in a place like this is almost impossible,” he chuckled nervously, scratching at the back of his neck, “so why not stock up on caffeine? I know a café in Terminal C with a halfway decent blend and its usually pretty empty.”

“Oh,” you muttered anxiously, cheeks heating red because a man that gorgeous couldn't possibly be serious. The suspicion was already creeping up through your stomach, screaming at you that he was like the rest of them, like he was exactly like your ex, that he would hurt you or that he was looking for repayment of some kind. You didn’t have much experience of anything else. “Well, I don’t-- I don’t know--”

“You can say no,” he offered quickly, though he winced as he said it. “Of course, you know you can say no. What I mean is, you can tell me to ‘eff off’ and I’ll leave you alone, but I just thought... I thought that guy was a jerk and he ruined a perfectly good full cup of coffee and if you wanted, I’m happy to get you a new one. I just—I figured that your night is already pretty shitty with the flights being grounded and then that sonuvabitch -- who didn’t even apologize -- yelled at you for no reason and--” he grimaced. “I’m rambling. Sorry.”

You watched him carefully, studied the way he fumbled over his words, his cheeks turning a soft shade of pink, even through the light scratches of his beard. It was almost endearing. You hadn’t seen a man blush like that before. There was a lingering kind of sadness behind the ocean blue of his eyes you couldn’t quite place and it drew you in unlike anything else.

“Terminal C, huh?” you asked, pulling the nerves from your voice the best you could and his smile lit up again instantly.

“Yeah, Terminal C. It’s a bit of a walk, as long as you don’t mind?” he said, lugging his bag over his shoulder and gesturing for you to follow him out into the hall.

“Don’t got much else to do,” you shrugged, surprised that you found yourself smiling as you strolled up next to him.

He had a comforting kind of ease to him and you wondered why he also seemed to be relieved by cancelations. You had your reasons and looking around at the frustrated looks on bystanders faces as you walked by, the arguments amongst family members, the children crying, you couldn’t help but question why blue-eyes didn’t seem to be bothered at all.

“My name’s Bucky, by the way,” he said as he stepped aside at the moving walkway, letting you pass by him to take the first step. He slid onto the walkway behind you with one step.

“Well, it’s nice to be meet you, Bucky,” you replied sincerely, leaning against the right side of the railing as the floor beneath you carried you slowly down the hallway. You had the time to be leisurely and let the walkway move for you.

In the brief moment of silence that followed, Bucky was smiling as he stared at the floor, stealing glances over at you like he was waiting for something. You were about to ask him what he was looking at until he asked, “do I get the pleasure of your name as well, or should we save that for later?”

You laughed, the nervousness offsetting the embarrassment of completely forgetting obvious social cues. Gripping at the edge of the railing, you watched as he stared out into the sea of people as you rode by, smiling softly at the kids who were curled up under their parents’ coats draped over them in blankets and laughing, almost impressed, at the teenagers who had started gathering in a circle, all huddled around their portable games.

Pushing out a kind of confidence you hadn’t known in years, you said, “you buy me that coffee you were talking about and maybe I’ll give you a name.”

Bucky grinned, turning back to face you, clearly amused by your answer. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

Walking at a leisurely pace, it took a half hour before Bucky gestured for you to stop in front of a small café tucked into the corner next to one of the empty gates, lights barely illuminated with a single staff member hunched behind the counter on his cell phone. The tables were empty and it looked like no one had been there all day with the shelves of to-go items fully stocked.

“Welcome to the best coffee in the Charlotte Airport,” Bucky grinned, extending his arm out like he was showing off a new car. You narrowed your eyes on his, pursing you lips and he dropped his hand, chuckling lightly. “I never said it was particularly good, but it’s not terrible. Plus, we’ve got the place to ourselves if you allow me to stick around.”

“You want to?” you asked, cursing yourself for how timid you sounded. Another thing to blame your ex for. The ex whose wedding you’re supposed to be attending tomorrow. Goddamnit.

“Don’t got much else to do,” he shrugged, repeating your words from when he had asked you to come with him in the first place with a teasing kind of smile that made your stomach twist into knots.

You nudged him hard in the side, laughing, and he stumbled away a few paces, grinning wildly until it crinkled up by his eyes. You wondered if you’d ever seen a man more beautiful in your life, though you pushed the thought away quickly.

Bucky jogged up to the front counter, gathering the attention of the teenager on his phone as he slowly glanced up, slipping his phone into his pockets.

“What can I get you?” the kid asked, voice low and slow, like he’d just woken up from a nap.

“Anything fancy for you or keep it simple?” Bucky turned back, asking over his shoulder. You gave him your order and he smiled at it, ordering one of the same. The teenager didn’t seem to be amused by Bucky’s charming smile and huffed an exasperated sigh as he started to make the drinks.

“You sure you don’t mind?” you asked as Bucky handed over his card.

“It’s just a coffee, doll. I don’t mind at all,” he said, the pet name rolling off his tongue as if it didn’t mean much of anything. It left a burning, twisting ache in your stomach and a heat in your cheeks, forcing you to nervously tug and pull your hair behind your ear.

You wondered if it was a name he gave for any woman whose name he hadn’t yet learned; perhaps, the same way older men called waitresses ‘sweetheart’ or the way the man in the suit had so patronizingly taunted it at you earlier, though there wasn’t even a hint of a condescending tone in Bucky’s voice. It was genuine. He was genuine.

You thanked him and followed him to the small table tucked in the corner of the café, away from the hall though with enough of a vantage point to watch for stranded passengers as they walked by. Terminal C seemed to be pretty empty so there wasn’t much chance for that, though he told you he liked to take every opportunity to people watch as he could. There was just something so fascinating about how strangers acted when they weren’t putting on a show, when they were at ease, purely themselves.

You set your new ticket on the table, keeping a watchful eye of the flight number like the attendant had instructed you to in case any changes were made overhead. Bucky did the same and you noticed they put him on a separate flight. The ounce of disappointment didn’t slip your notice but you shoved it aside.

“The departure board’s got more red on it than green,” Bucky said as he settled into his chair, “might be time to seek food and shelter and buckle in for a long night.”

“You sure you’re in Charlotte Douglas and not the Hunger Games?” you laughed, adjusting your bag next to your feet.

“You’ve never endured an overnight in Charlotte, have you?” he countered teasingly.

You shook your head and he let out a heavy sigh, though a smile brimmed on his cheeks, almost like he was excited.

“The hotel’s already booked up by now and as soon as these people realize they’re not getting a flight out of here until tomorrow morning, hell is gonna break lose,” he informed you, carefully watching a family of five as they passed by hand in hand out in the walkway. The father had an anxious kind of look on his face every time he glanced at the youngest of the children as if he was expecting for the boy to realize at any second he wasn’t going to be in his bed tonight with his favorite stuffed animals. He was a ticking time bomb.

“We’ve got about an hour left before the food joints start shutting down and then after that, nothing until six-thirty sharp,” Bucky continued, “Plus, you figure you need to secure an outlet or two and a decent place to sleep, if you’re able to do that sort of thing in a place like this.”

“Good lord,” you exhaled, crossing your arms over your chest as you smirked at him, “guess you better get started.”

“Oh, I am,” he replied casually with a shrug. “Step one is securing alliances.”

You narrowed your eyes on him, scouring his face for signs that he was mocking you and searching behind him for a hoard of his buddies hanging over his shoulder snickering to themselves as their friend messed with the sad girl alone at the airport, you came up completely empty.

“You’re actually serious?” you gaped.

He nodded. “Of course. I’ve already got the caffeine and the ally. We’ll need to secure some snacks next. When you’re ready, of course. Though, we do have a time restraint here so don’t be too long with your coffee.”

“Well, for one, I can take this on the go,” you joked, lifting up your coffee with a teasing grin.

“See how well that went last time though? Can’t risk running into any other asshole businessmen in expensive suits worth a month of your salary, sweetheart!” Bucky mimed eccentrically, trying to mock the voice of the man in the suit but failing halfway through in a fit of laughter.

“Okay, fine,” you conceded, removing the lid to your cup and letting the steam loose. You sighed at the fresh smell of coffee as it filled your lungs and warmth spread through you before you could even take a sip. “So, we stay here for a bit and finish our drinks. Then we’ll find snacks. Then what?”

Bucky shook his head, taking a sip of his coffee before he spoke again. The content sigh that followed sent shivers up your spine. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, doll. It’s a process.”

“Naturally,” you agreed with a smile on your lips so wide it ached in your cheeks.

Bucky sighed, leaning back into his chair, glancing out into the walkway and studying those who passed by. He was so content, so unbothered by the cancellation, as he casually sipped his coffee, stealing glances over in your direction every so often, you couldn’t help the curiosity as it built up.

“So, you were going to Atlanta, too?” you asked before you took another sip of the steaming coffee.

“Trying to. It’s been, uh, it’s been a while since I’ve gone down there,” he replied, though his smile faltered a bit before he could catch it. You narrowed your eyes on him, surprised by his reaction, though you didn’t push it at all. He cleared his throat, pushing it back out though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “How's the coffee?”

“Wonderful now that it’s not covering the back of a furious businessman’s suit,” you responded, taking another sip. Bucky chuckled under his breath and you found yourself missing the soft glimmer behind his eyes. It returned when you asked him about the last time he’d been stranded in Charlotte, as he clearly had experience with it.

He spent the next half hour telling you every ridiculous story you couldn’t have made up if you tried about the bizarre things he’d witnessed at three in the morning walking around the terminals and what kinds of trouble he got in back in his younger days with the airport security for doing cartwheels down the halls.

“Cartwheels?” you laughed, struggling to keep your breath as your eyes watered. “You can’t be serious…”

Bucky was beaming as he nodded, all blue eyes and pink lips and chocolate colored hair raking through his fingers. He pointed over your shoulder to an open space by the escalator.

“I crashed into the railing right over there,” he nodded, then gesturing to his hip bone, “it landed me a bruise for a few months right on my side.”

“How old were you?” you asked, struggling to contain your laughter enough to take another sip of your coffee that was already room temperature.

Bucky scratched the back of his neck, cheeks red, and so incredibly adorable it was simply unfair. “Twenty-one.”

“Of course, you were.” You shook your head, watching as he hid behind his coffee cup as he took a big gulp, evading your eyes and glancing over to the open space like he was caught up in memories.

“So, what about you?” he asked as he set his coffee down again. “You ever been stranded here?”

“Fortunately not,” you shrugged, finishing off your drink with a content sigh. You glanced over at the clock, wondering how so much time had passed without even realizing it. It had been ages since you’d felt that way around someone.

“Sounds like you're in need of some Charlotte layover tradition then, doll,” Bucky grinned, something mischievous brewing in his head as he chugged back the rest of his lukewarm coffee and tossed the cup into the nearest trash with a full layup stance. He did the same with yours. “Come with me.”

He extended his hand to you as he stood, long lifelines extending along his palm and you noticed a sliver of marred scarring peeking out behind the sleeve of his over-shirt. You narrowed your eyes on it, curious, but he pushed down the fabric nervously.

“Please, doll. I promise it’ll be fun,” he urged, not letting his hand drop away even as you eyed him reluctantly.

“How do you know my idea of fun? You still don’t know my name,” you teased, having already decided to take up his offer the moment he extended his hand but it was so incredibly endearing to watch his nerves on display.

“Oh, I know, but I’m confident you’ll tell me soon enough,” he said, grinning wildly as you slipped your hand into his regardless. Firm and rough, with callouses on his hands like he’d spent years in service and labor jobs, but gentle like he was holding something precious as he helped you stand. An enigma.

The teenager behind the counter had been watching you with an irritable look on his face and you nudged Bucky’s side as he picked up both of your bags in his free hand. Bucky followed your gaze and then took a quick glance at the clock before he started to laugh, pulling you towards the hall.

“Think we overstayed our welcome here,” he grimaced, nodding to his watch that read it was past midnight. “Coffee shop was supposed to close ten minutes ago.”

“Oh no,” you pouted, turning back to the cashier with an apologetic smile as you called, “sorry about that!” over your shoulder.

Bucky led you to the center of the hall. Around you were a few stranded passengers from flights heading out west, all looking like they’ve been kicked and dragged through the mud. Meanwhile, Bucky was smiling like he just won the lottery. You didn’t realize his hand was still gripped in yours until he dropped your bags beside him with a heavy thud and he let go.

He took in a deep breath, sending a wink in your direction as he took a single step away from you and pushed his hands out into the sky, swing his momentum around in an acrobatic swing that was admittingly quite awful, with bent legs and wobbling landing, but... a cartwheel.

Holy shit, he was serious.

A few random passengers lying on the floor had propped up to look in his direction before turning over to ignore him. Bucky wiped his hands on his pants as he grimaced at the dirt he’d collected. He nodded at a woman in high heels as she walked past giving him a strange look of both disgust and attraction. She might have been eyeing him before he went and did that ridiculous cartwheel, but a man that handsome had some allowances for odd behavior, didn’t he? She seemed to think so, but Bucky paid her no mind as he turned back to you.

“Your turn.”

“Absolutely not,” you scoffed, laughing nervously as you took a step back.

“Absolutely, yes,” Bucky retorted, grabbing your hands and tugging you to the spot where he was just standing. “This is tradition, doll. You can’t mess with a tradition.”

“Do you realize how insane you sound?” you accused, though you were smiling so wide it started to hurt in your cheeks. His hands were still on yours and his lifted them above your head, nudging your feet with his shoes to get you in starting position.

“You’ve done a cartwheel before, haven’t you?”

“Of course,” you shot back, “back when I was fifteen, Bucky!”

He grinned, stepping back and letting go of your hands. “Then you’ll be perfect. Just like riding a bike.”

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s the same thing,” you mumbled, blushing as a middle-aged couple walked by and rolled their eyes at the two of you. Bucky must have noticed.

“Don’t worry about them, doll,” Bucky said quietly, arms folded over his chest as he planted his feet, waiting patiently. He smiled softly at you, the overly confident and borderline cartoonish character falling away for a moment and you found yourself lost in shades of blue you could have drowned in if he’d let you.

Shit. You shook your head, tearing your eyes away from his. Stop thinking like that.

Do the damn cartwheel.

Bucky rubbed his hands together in anticipation and you closed your eyes. One deep breath in, you held it in your lungs as you propelled yourself onto your hands, touching the ground with the full of your weight for only a second before you were on your feet again.

Guess it was like riding a bike.

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Bucky shouted, drawing the attention of the very irritated passengers attempting to sleep in the corner of the hall. It was still midnight, after all. But in the mist of his energy and the way he was smiling at you and rushing towards you to high-five your hands now covered in a thin layer of dirt, you couldn’t bring it in yourself to care about the wondering eyes of the stranded observers.

“We better get those snacks before the shop closes,” he said, turning to you with a massive smile.

How was it possible to so easily get lost in the eyes of a stranger you hardly knew? Blue and grey waves sharper and softer than that of the ocean. Pink in his lips that drew you in and you didn’t realize you were staring until he grabbed your hand, tugging you along.

You started to laugh as he dragged you down the hall, not letting go of your hand as he led you down to a corner store with walls lined with snacks. He grinned like a kid in a candy store and gestured for you to walk in like it was a five-star restaurant. The fact that he waved at the cashier who returned his greeting in a familiar smile didn’t slip your notice.

“Do you know him?” you asked, following Bucky further into the store to the back wall lined with snacks, in past the magazines and novelty t-shirts.

“Charlie and I go way back,” he nodded, strolling carefully through the aisles, hands clasped behind his back as he contemplated his choices and he glanced back up at you, smiling that sweet smile that made your stomach twist. Though he paused as he said, “I used to get trapped here overnight a lot growing up.”

He lost his smile a bit as he spoke and it surprised you, unsure of what kind of memory he was thinking back to that could possibly take even a sliver of his smile away from him. You grabbed a bag of your favorite chips from the wall and tossed it over at him. They hit him straight in the chest and he caught them before they fell, the smile returning quickly as he looked over at you with a feigned look of offense.

He grabbed a few bags off the wall after careful selection and raised them up for your approval. You nodded at every choice, except for the bag of jerky he’d held up teasingly. Once he’d gathered enough to fill his arms, a solid mix of salty chips and sweet chocolates and candies, he made his way up to the cashier.

Charlie’s name tag was long faded and he looked like he had been working here for decades. He took his time scanning through Bucky’s items, though he raised an eyebrow at the bag of Skittles and Bucky nodded, a silent conversation between the two before Charlie slipped the candy into the bag.

True to his word, Bucky pushed aside the cash from your hand as you tried to pay and he handed Charlie his card. You grunted, doing that little dance most couples do on a first date when the bill comes, though you started to blush as soon as the thought made its way into your head.

This wasn’t a date. This was... well, you didn’t know what this was, but it was certainly anything but a date.

An acid trip, maybe? An elaborate dream? One of those cheesy Hallmark movies where an angel or a ghost from your past teaches you how to open up and love again?

Probably.

But definitely not a date. He didn’t even know your name.

By the time Bucky gathered the bags of snacks and you followed him out to the main walkway, stranded passengers had begun lining up at every fast-food join within sight, lines carrying far down into the hallway and grumbled groans as managers came out to inform the crowds they were running out of food.

“What did I tell you?” Bucky grinned, nudging your shoulder and you shook your head, trying to suppress your laughter. “Chaos starts once these tourists realize they’re trapped. Someone’s going to start trying to buy food off of people before they take their first bite. Just you wait.”

He was something from a dream, you were sure of it.

“Okay, fearless leader. What’s next?”

He chuckled at that and your stomach flipped a little, though you did your best to ignore it.

“Outlets and shelter,” he replied matter-of-factly, like he’d done this dozens of times before, as he studied the hallway to the left and right, determining which was the better way to go. He chewed on his lip, clearly caught in thought before he straightened his back and turned to you with a grin. “I’ve got a place in mind. You trust me?”

“I don’t know you and you still don’t know my name,” you responded teasingly, though somehow, you knew the answer was yes.

“Sometimes trust is something you learn over time and sometimes it’s a gut instinct,” he shrugged, offering you his hand. “What’s your gut telling you, doll?”

“That you might be an insane person... or an abirritation,” you laughed, though you grabbed onto his hand and let him lead you out into the hallway, “but clearly, I’m okay with that.”

“That’s all I need,” Bucky beamed, tugging on your hand to get you to walk faster until you were practically jogging.

Lugging your suitcase behind you as Bucky held a firm grip onto the bags of snacks in on hand and you in the other, he led you far away from the crowds of people, past the moving walkways and the food courts, past the gates with attendants behind the counter, until the lights were dimmer and you passed by nearly five gates that were completely empty.

He let go of your hand and gestured to the gate marked A29 with a familiar smile on his face, though it seemed a little sad with a crease forming in his brow and a slight tremble of his hand clenching by his side.

“How did you know this place would be deserted?” you asked in awe as you tossed your bag onto one of the dozens of open chairs, spinning yourself around freely like you were in the meadows on a warm summer day and not currently trapped in an airport with a monsoon outside and stuffy air-conditioning blowing through the vents.

“Had a hunch,” he replied, though when you rolled your eyes playfully at him, he chuckled, conceding, “I saw this terminal had most of its flights out before the storm broke. Figured it would be pretty untouched for the rest of the night.”

“You’ve been out here before,” you observed, catching the way he stared longingly over at a corner by the desk like he was watching an old memory play out in front of him. Though he wore his smile again, it was softer now, sadder. He seemed caught up in his imagination and you took a careful step forward, tapping on his shoulder and smiling enough for the both of you. “Come on. I’ve got first dibs on the Doritos.”

“So,” Bucky started, “you never said why you were going to Atlanta.”

“Neither did you, smart guy. Why would I give that information away to a complete stranger?” you teased, following Bucky as he led you to the series of outlets against the wall. You slid down the window, leaning against it as rain pummeled against the glass from the other side.

Bucky shrugged, smiling encouragingly as he sat down next to you and pulled his phone charger from his bag. “You don’t have to tell me anything, doll, but I noticed the way you smiled when the gate agent announced our flight was cancelled when everyone else was groaning and crying. You were smiling. Just curious, is all.”

You narrowed your eyes at that, watching him silently as he plugged his phone in and the face of a young girl illuminated on the screen. She was smiling, almost mid-laugh, and Bucky was off in the background of the image, racing towards her, perhaps a few years younger judging by the haircut. She looked a little like him.

You wondered then if she had anything to do with why he had lost some of his energy as he came up on this gate, falling into a memory he recognized. He was complex man; you’d give him that.

“I was... um... going to a wedding,” you confessed slowly and Bucky smirked, pleased to get something out of you.

“You sound unsure about that,” he pointed out, ripping open a bag of chips and plopping four into his mouth.

You shrugged, “yeah, well, even if I make it in time tomorrow, I still don’t know if I’ll go.”

“Why’s that? Seems like a long way to travel if you’re not gonna--”

“The groom is my ex.”

“Oh shit,” Bucky coughed on the chips that were about halfway down his throat. He leaned over, heaving into a napkin and you rubbed at his back instinctively, careful circles over the soft fabric of his t-shirt as his whole body shook with each cough. You pulled away with a blush as he smiled at you once the fit subsided. He sat back again the wall, brushing his wrist over his lips as he stole another look over at you. “You’re joking.”

“Afraid not,” you shrugged, pressing your lips into a thin line.

You were embarrassed to even say it aloud, to have to first explain to all of your friends why you agreed to go even as they begged you not to, to have to pack your bag and tell your mother why you won’t be home for Sunday dinner, to have to say it even to this man who was practically a stranger who’s approval and kindness you suddenly found yourself craving. Two years since the break-up and you still struggled to get past the man who broke your heart. Saying no to your ex, to Jack, wasn’t something you were used to and it came as old habit.

“This monsoon might have just saved you from a weekend in hell,” Bucky exhaled, turning to face you with a smile that lightened the anxiety in your chest. He offered you the bag of chips and you took them gratefully.

“You’re probably right,” you said, tossing a few chips into your mouth, though you knew the universe would find a way to get you to that wedding, whether or not you were ready for it.

“You on good terms with the guy, at least?” Bucky asked and you shook your head, clenching your jaw.

He frowned, though he didn’t press you any further as he must have noticed your cheeks flush, shame seeping in you. Bucky let out a tired exhale, leaning back against the window and slumping further to the floor.

He cared, that much you could tell. He was bothered by the fact that you were going to this wedding, alone, and that even with all that you didn’t even have a good post-breakup relationship with the guy. You wondered how it was possible for someone to learn to care so fast and what your night would have been like if he hadn’t been standing directly behind you in that line, if the monsoon never rolled in and this handsome, incredibly endearing stranger never stormed into your life.

Would you have gone to that wedding, watched the man you once thought was the love of your life devote himself to a woman after he broke your heart over his inability to commit? Would you have cried through the ceremony and drank yourself into obligation because he’d hurt you so bad you hadn’t been able to even date since he left you?

Would you have boarded that flight without a second thought to the stranger with the blue eyes and the infectious smile?

“What about you?” you asked carefully, taking another bite of the chips before handing it to him.

“What? You trying to do a something-personal-for-something-personal kind of thing?” Bucky laughed, though there was a nervous edge to his voice.

“Only if you want,” you offered, smiling gently at him and giving him the out if he wanted it. It hadn’t been very long since he avoided the question the first time when you had been sitting over coffee in the empty café.

He took in a heavy breath, though it was shaken. You narrowed your eyes, watching him carefully as he sat up, straightening his back and brushing his hair back from his eyes.

“Yeah, I’m, supposed to uh, I’m supposed to see...” he sighed, scratching at the back of his neck, his voice falling low suddenly. His lips pursed into a frown and the light faded from the blue of his eyes. Something was clearly bothering him and he couldn’t seem to even string the words together.

“I haven’t seen her since I... and my ma says that I’ve been...” he groaned, clenching his jaw and running his hand over his lips. He wasn’t making much sense, that much was clear to the both of you. His eyes fell to the floor and he was only a whisper of the man who stood laughing at the hoard of passengers at your gate.

He was layered, dimensional; both the man with confidence unlike you’d ever seen and the shy, nervous guy with a heart bigger than most men you knew.

Your stomach hurt just watching him struggle to answer your question.

“Y/n,” you blurted out, catching his attention and he raised an eyebrow. You let out a steady breath. “My name. It’s Y/n. Something personal for something personal, right?”

Bucky nodded, repeating your name back to you and a soft smile came over his lips. It sounded like velvet and honey and all kinds of wonderful coming from his voice. He relaxed a bit, the tension slipping from his shoulders. “It’s a nice name. Y/n. Suits you.”

But his voice was still low, aching, and it made your heart twist.

“Come on,” you urged, grabbing his hand and lugging him back up to his feet, determined to bring back the witty and charismatic man who threw you into this mess to begin with. You didn’t like seeing him upset.

“Thought you wanted to know--”

“Not now,” you replied casually and you could practically feel the weight lift off his shoulders as you dragged him over to the massive checkers set in the corner of the gateway set aside for restless travelers. “I’ve got a preposition for you.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

“I get to ask you a question every time I knock one of your pieces off the board,” you proposed, positioning yourself on the side of the board with red chips as big as your shoes, “and if you get one of mine, you get to ask me a question.”

“Do I have to answer?” Bucky teased, folding his arms over his chest and you could already see him coming back into himself.

“Only if you don’t want to be a total loser,” you shrugged kicking your piece out to make the first move. Bucky laughed and squatted down at the board, taking his time to determine his trajectory before he made his move.

It only took three turns before you knocked out one of his pieces.

“Truthfully now,” you started, eyeing him as he crossed his arms over his chest, “in all of your layovers, how many people have you dragged around this airport doing cartwheels and raiding convenience stores?”

A laugh burst from Bucky’s chest and you swore you’d never heard a more beautiful sound in your life, his whole body caught up in the moment. It had been a while since you’d seen someone laugh like that without trying to suppress it. He was unlike anyone you’d ever met, though, you supposed you knew that already.

Then he paused, folding his arms, studying you. “You want to know how many women, don’t you?”

“That’s not what I said,” you retorted, trying to hide your blush, though it was obvious as day.

“Only one before you in all my years,” he responded with a nod, “but she was a frequent flyer with me. Not what you think and certainly not the same.”

“That didn’t make a lot of sense, Bucky,” you accused with a grin, “you’re being cryptic.”

“Maybe you should ask a more specific question next time,” he countered with a sink.

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” you grumbled as Bucky started to eye the board for his move.  

“So, you think I’m cute?”

You froze, heat flushing into your cheeks as you realized what you said. Glaring up at Bucky as he watched you amusingly. You rolled your eyes.

“Like you don’t already know,” you huffed, trying to push aside the embarrassment you felt through a playful smile.

“Still, it’s nice to hear,” Bucky grinned, nudging his piece to jump over yours and he discarded the red coin off to the side. “How long were you with this ex?”

Your breath hitched in your lungs and you cleared your throat, taking your time to meet his eye again. “You don’t mess around, do you?”

“Nope,” he replied, popping the ‘p’ on the purse of his lips.

“Three years,” you said quickly, before you could lose your nerve. “He was my college boyfriend. Had plans to move in together and talked about getting married ourselves before he decided he’d rather ‘explore his options’ once graduation came around. Hadn’t heard from him since. Until I got the invite to his wedding. Guess he found a better option.”

“Yikes,” Bucky winced, “what an asshole. Why did you even agree to go to his wedding?”

“Sorry, you already used up your question. Better wait for your next turn.” You winked at him, holding your pointer finger up as you maneuvered your way around the board to find your next move. It was a relief to cut him off. Your relationship with Jack wasn’t an easy one to talk about and you didn’t want him to think of you the way Jack often saw you; small and spineless. So, you pushed out a smile and pretended you were fine.

Bucky shook his head, armed folded over his chest enough to see the prominent outline of the muscles in his biceps, and he laughed at your response. It was a sweet kind of sound that made your chest fell warm, even with the anxiety in your stomach at the very thought of your ex. It was genuine for as often as he did it and it seemed to live permanently etched into his cheeks.

You went back and forth for a few turns, each picking off the other’s pieces on every round. He asked you about your family, about your favorite flavor of ice cream, about your movie preferences and your day job. You asked him about the scars lining his left arm, peeking out as he scratched at his wrist and he told you it was from an accident on the job, though he didn’t elaborate further. You asked about the college shirt he was wearing any why he dared to go to school in Georgia if he was really a New Yorker like he claimed, though he laughed it off and said it wasn’t his alma mater. You asked about his typical coffee order and hair routine and how he got it so fluffy and he laughed so hard, tears welled in his eyes.

It was almost a half hour of the simpler questions before Bucky knocked out another one of your pieces with satisfied hum and took a moment to think of his question. He watched you for a moment, studying you almost, and your stomach lurched a little. Not because he made you uncomfortable, but because you could see the carefulness behind his eyes, the soft smile on his face, and a man like that looking at you like you were something special was an unfamiliar feeling to say the least.

“You don’t really think this woman he’s marrying is ‘the better option,’ do you?”

You bit down so hard on your lip you drew blood. The sincerity of his question threw you and your heart must have skipped about a dozen beats before you could even blink. Bucky must have noticed your sudden distress and he clenched his jaw. A red heat formed in his cheeks you never would have expected.

“Maybe I should say I’m not trying to pry, but I clearly am,” he admitted with a tired laugh. “I’ve only known you for a few hours, Y/n, and I don’t know how anyone could think you’re anything but the best option. And if this guy was with you for years, it shouldn’t even be a question.”

“That’s... that’s really kind, Bucky, but you don’t know me,” you mumbled, unable to meet his eye and losing every ounce of confidence you had clung to around him. Jack had a way of doing that to you, even when he wasn’t around.

But Bucky was determined. He shook his head, crossing the board and grabbing a tender hold of your arms, urging you to look at him. His hands were warm against you, large, a little calloused and rough on the edges but so incredibly gentle.

“I know that you treated that poor gate agent with empathy and patience and got him to laugh after the hell storm of passengers who had just spent their time yellin’ at the guy. I know that you agreed to follow a borderline intrusive stranger through an airport at midnight at the promise of caffeine,” he said, smiling sweetly. “I know that you apologize to teenage employees for staying a few minutes past close without realizing it. I know that you can do a near perfect cartwheel and how you take your coffee.”

“Bucky, I--”

“I know that you’re funny and adventurous and kind. I know that you’re incredibly perceptive and you changed the subject when you caught onto how hard it was for me to tell you why I’m going to Atlanta,” Bucky said casually, sternly almost just to make you believe him, as if his words didn’t make your heart swell so much in your chest it hurt. “Your ex is an asshole, is all I’m saying. He never should have said something like that to you. You’re someone’s best option, you hear me? Don’t settle for some jerk who tells you you’re anything less.”

You swallowed nervously, getting caught in deep oceans of blue and grey as Bucky held onto you. There wasn’t a trace of anything but sincerity in his eyes and you wondered how it was possible he even existed. He rubbed gently at your arms, like he was trying to draw warmth, and the smile on his lips was enough to float butteries in your stomach.

“Thanks, Bucky,” you said softly, sincerely, and he nodded at you encouragingly.

He stepped back to his side of the board and you missed him standing so close to you, missing his hands on you, and you clenched your jaw, trying to push the feelings away.

“Since you didn’t technically answer my question, I’m asking another one,” he said lightly, grinning wildly and it brought back the smile to your face. “You’re from New York, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. Queens. Live there now, too,” you replied, wondering how on earth he was able to deduce that and watching the way he smiled to himself, nodding. “Why?”

“Not your turn to ask questions, Y/n,” Bucky teased, though he seemed pleased with your answer. “Make your move, Queens.”

You laughed, already feeling light again and amazed by how easy it was for him to bring that back out in you. You nudged a piece with your foot and swerved it around of two of his. You kicked two black pieces off the board.

“That’s two questions,” you pointed out and he shrugged, challenging you.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you studied him for a moment. There were a million different questions you could ask. You thought about asking whether he’d been born and raised in the city like you, if he’d ever traveled abroad, what the military tag on his suitcase was for and if he ever served. You wondered if he was single, if this was a one night thing where you’d go your separate ways and never see one another again, if he was really as kind and as charming as he seemed because you still couldn’t believe he was real.

You were about to ask him something trivial because you were too afraid to get an answer that would break your heart when he cleared his throat.

“Or,” he started, nervously, “you could ask one big question?”

You narrowed your eyes, confused, and waiting for him to continue.

He sighed. “You could ask about my sister. If you want?”

You paused, watching the way he swayed in his stance, arms fold tightly across his chest like he was trying to hold himself together. She must be the girl in the picture on his phone, the reason why he started acting strange, upset, when he tried to tell you why he was going to Atlanta.

He nodded at you and you could tell he was ready, that he wanted to talk about it now, and you gestured to the wall adjacent to the game. He followed you silently, sliding down the wall to take a seat on the floor next to you. He folded his legs under him while you tucked your knees up to your chest, waiting patiently. You didn’t know the question to ask, but he let out a heavy sigh and started for you.

“Her name’s Rebecca. Bec. We used to travel alone a lot when we were kids to go see our dad,” Bucky said softly, scratching the back of his neck. “We had layovers here a lot and if the flight got cancelled, we’d just get stuck overnight. I mean, I was old enough to watch out for her okay so it wasn’t a big deal, but she used to get scared. So, I started making it a game. It happened more times than you would think and it managed to make her feel better, got her laughing. We used to spend all our money at that convenience shop on chips and candy and race in these halls and do cartwheels and blast music and play games over by that gate.”

You smiled as Bucky talked. He stared off across the gate to where your bags were, over where the memory he had been reliving earlier was, and avoided your eyes, but you knew this wasn’t the hard part of the story. You let him keep going without interruption.

“We got to know some of the people who worked here over the years, like Charlie,” he continued, though his voice dropped a little as he tried to clear his throat. He took in a heavy breath but he struggled to find his words again.

“That sounds really nice, Bucky,” you said encouragingly and he nodded.

“Yeah, she uh, she used to love it, but we don’t-- she doesn’t talk to me anymore,” he confessed, clenching at his jaw painfully and winging his hands in his lap.

You watched as he yanked and pulled on his fingers, a nervous habit you used to see in your father after he’d been in a near fatal car accident, a symptom of anxiety. Without giving yourself a second to back out, you reached into his lap and placed your hands over his until they stilled.

He froze, staring down at your hands and allowed you to pull his left from his right and carefully grasp it in your own hand, holding it tight and offering him a gentle smile. He exhaled, relieved, and squeezed your hand before he continued.

“I enlisted right out of high school,” Bucky said, pulling your hand to rest on his thigh as he ran his free hand over the back of your palm. “Bec was so pissed at me. Especially when they sent me overseas. But she still wrote, still answered my calls. Until I got hit by an IED and got my whole arm shredded.”

He pulled up part of his sleeve to reveal marred skin under the t-shirt he wore. It was faded, healed over the years, but still ridged, still mutilated by the blast. He sighed, pushing it back down like looking at it was even difficult for him. You squeezed his hand.

“I was home for a bit, just trying to heal,” he continued, “but once I was cleared by the doc’s, I wanted to go back. That was the last straw for my sister. She—she just couldn’t understand why I’d go back after that. She said she’d never speak to me again if I did and I tried to tell her that I had a duty, that I had friends who died in that blast and being over here was hell for me. It was back then. But she didn’t understand. She still doesn’t and she held true to her word. She hasn’t spoken to me since I went back, not since I came home either. I’m out now and I still can’t get her to return my calls. She just cut me off completely.”

“Oh, Bucky,” you sighed, heart breaking as he bit on his lip, clearly trying to suppress a lump in his throat.

“I’m supposed to be going to her college graduation,” he said tensely, sniffling a bit. “She doesn’t know, but Mom’s been on me to fix things for years. I just... I don’t know how and I’m fucking terrified that she’s going to take one look at me and tell me to leave or turn her back to me or, I don’t know, ignore me completely. She’s my little sister and I miss her but I don’t know how to make her understand. I’m not sorry for going back. It’s what I needed to do but, I hate that I lost her because of it.”

It was silent for a moment and you watched as the clock opposite you turned on three in the morning. Bucky’s breaths were uneven beside you as he tried to pull himself together. Each passing moment you spent with him, you only wanted to learn more, wanted to ease him through his pain, to make him smile and laugh.

But there was a truth he needed to hear.

“I’m not sure she’ll ever understand, Bucky,” you said slowly and Bucky clenched his jaw. It was clearly something he’d been thinking about, though he didn’t want to admit it. You sighed, rubbing at his hand in slow circles. “I don’t think anyone but someone who has lived through what you have could understand wanting to go back. She clearly loves you and she was probably terrified for you. Sometimes, when someone you love puts themselves back into the heart of danger like that, it's easier to shut down than deal with the possibility of losing them.”

Bucky nodded, taking in your words. You gave him the time he needed, letting him sit with the silence and the thoughts in his head until he was ready. You watched the gears turning, watched as he squeezed your hand in even intervals, and let out a steady breath.

“Sorry I’m such a bummer,” he said after a while, a tired laugh in his voice and he shook his head as you started to object. “I hate that I was relieved when our flight got canceled but I know I’ll have to find a way there regardless. I thought I’d spend tonight in this airport just sitting in my anxiety and thinking about all the ways I’ll disappoint her again, but then you spilled your coffee all over that pretentious asshole and you... you caught me by surprise, Y/n.”

He turned to you, his free hand snaking up to slide along your cheek, cupping the side of your face as his fingers danced in your hair. The way he was looking at you, with startling shades of blue and a sincerity you hadn’t known in a man in years, your stomach twisted and turned on itself in the best possible way. His eyes flickered down to your lips.

“It’s your turn,” you whispered, eyes drifting over to the game.

“Will you let me see you again?” he asked quietly without skipping a beat, not even bothering with the pieces on the board and you didn't mind, not as he was leaning closer to you, his breath against your skin.

His lips touched yours and it was sweet and short so impossibly brief because suddenly the overhead speakers let out a sharp, high-pitched chime as the transmitter turned on. You jumped at the shock of it and Bucky pulled away, the spell broken and the ghost of his lips aching on your own.

“Attention passengers flying from Charlotte to Atlanta on flight 937,” the voice called in muffled tone, “Please see an agent at Gate B9. Your flight is now scheduled to depart at 3:50am.”

You sunk against the wall and Bucky fiddled nervously with his hands.

“That’s your flight, isn’t it?” he asked, disappointed and you nodded. He sighed, hulling himself back up to his feet and offering you his hand. “We better get you over there in time, then.”

You looked up at him for a moment and contemplated just skipping the flight to spend a few more hours with him. Was it insane? Naïve? Maybe. But he was unlike anyone else you’d ever met and you didn’t think you could stand this being the last time you saw him.

“Come on,” he smiled sweetly, though it didn’t reach his eyes, “I’ll walk you to your gate and everything, be a proper gentleman since you’d been so gracious tonight before I send you off--”

“Attention passengers flying from Charlotte to Atlanta on flight 1176,” the voice spoke again and Bucky froze, “please see an agent at Gate C2. Your new flight is now scheduled to depart at 3:30am.”

“Shit,” he cursed, glancing down at his watch to find it was already nearing 3:20. He clenched his jaw, looking down at you apologetically. “I... I have to go.”

You took his hand and he helped you back up to your feet, though he didn’t let go right away. He stared at you for a moment, longingly, like leaving right now was the last thing he wanted to do. It was the last thing you wanted, too.

You walked with him, hand in hand, to the side of the gateway with your bags. He stuffed the snacks into the plastic bag and handed them to you, though you tried to resist, but he shoved them into your backpack with a smile anyway.

“Take the skittles, at least,” you tried to persuade him, “you picked those out.”

“I can’t stand ‘em, actually,” he chuckled sadly, shaking his head. “I always got them for Bec. Guess I was a little stuck in routine.”

“So, take them with you,” you encouraged, kneeling down next to him and pulling the red bag from your luggage and placing it in his hands. He stared down at it for a moment, tensely. He didn’t meet your eye but you carefully rubbed at his shoulder until the tension drained. “Bring them for her. Call it a peace offering.”

Bucky smiled sadly, but he nodded, the appreciation clear in his eyes as he rose back to his feet and offered you his hand, which you took effortlessly.

“How did I manage to find you?” he asked so quietly so you almost didn’t hear it. He was watching you with a kind of bewilderment in his eye and your cheeks began to flush, until you noticed the clock affixed to the wall over his shoulder. Your heart sank.

“You should get going, Bucky. You’ll miss it,” you said, trying to mask the sadness in your voice though it did little use.

“Yeah,” he replied. He didn’t move.

The two of you stood there for a few moments, just staring at one another, wishing the night didn’t have to end. But you had a wedding to attend. And he had a graduation.

“Bucky,” you urged again, squeezing his hand.

He nodded, detangling your fingers with a new kind of determination. He reached into his bag and dug around for a pen and paper. Scribbling messy handwriting on the notepad, he ripped off a page and handed it to you.

“Take this, please,” he said, and you grasped the crumpled paper in your hand. A series of numbers listed on one side in thick black ink. “You don’t have to do anything with it if you don’t want, but I hope you do. I hope you call.”

You nodded, running your thumb along the dried ink before you met his eye again; blue unlike even the clearest morning sky.

“I have to run,” Bucky said sadly as he started to back away. “Thanks for putting up with me for a while.”

“Thanks for asking me to,” you called back, watching as he walked backwards as long as he could until he checked his watch again and grimaced at the time.

He wanted to say more, that much you could tell, but there wasn’t time. He gave you one last wave and turned on his heels, sprinting down the terminal and taking a sharp left. You watched until he disappeared from view and you were alone in the gateway, surrounded by his memories and a new one of your own.

The crumpled paper stayed firm in your grasp the entire walk to your newly assigned gate, your mind caught on Bucky with every step. Even as you boarded, as you sat in your seat and closed the window shade, leaning against the wall in an attempt to find rest, the paper never left the grip of your hand.

A crumpled paper with a number of a stranger. A friend. Maybe something more if you let yourself believe it.

It was exciting and terrifying and magical at once.

You slipped the paper into your pocket as the plane left the runway and lifted into the air, whirring sounds of the engines and cabin pressure lulling you to sleep.

You thought only of Bucky; of blue eyes and nervous laughs, of cartwheels and potato chips, of painful questions and reassurance unlike you’d had in years, of rosy cheeks and soft pink lips.

You weren’t sure you’d ever think of anyone else again.

--

How does it start? And when does it end? Only been here for a moment, but I know I want you But is it too soon? To know that I’m with you There’s nothing I can do [I’m With You - Vance Joy]

feedback is so so appreciated 💖(apologies if you got tagged twice - the whole post deleted itself for a hot second lol)

tags 🌸@sweetheartbarnes / @musiclover1263​ / @pies-wands-and-more​ / @buckygrantbarnes / @mywinterwolf​ / @breatheeagainnnn​ / @jewelofwinter​ / @panic-naran​ / @fairislesheets​ / @kaliforniacoastalteens​ / @captain-hammer-of-asgard​ / @daydreamsquad​ / @deanssweetheart​ / @maybesomedaytho​ / @montypythonsholysnail​ / @saharzek​ / @imsoft-barnes​ / @galaxkay​ / @vitamingrant​ / @alohafromhell1​ / @happyeyesandsunshine​ / @hillface89 / @searchingforbucky​ / @20coldhearts​ / @past-perfect-future-tense​ / @bucknasty-barnes​ / @clarysthing​ / @denimandcabernet​ / @ohthedevilsanus​ / @sarcasm-ing​ / @yknott81​

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

omg so I read this manga this morning called Sesame Salt and Pudding and it’s ab this 22 y/o girl who gets drunk and accidentally marries a stranger, who happens to be 42. it’s the cutest lil slice of life just a really healthy relationship and all i could think was this would be the funniest meet cute for Erwin.

Thanks for linking me the manga website anon omfg you're a real one💙🐛

Alright so below is my 1am thoughts while reading it as i listen to a daddy/mommy issues playlist i found online and drinking green apples monster energy.

Tw: mentions of sex | Tw: suggestive words

Chapter one

The girl is really pretty, I'm really gay.

Wait so she married him while drunk and now can't remember anything?

This lowkey does look like Erwin without gel in his hair

...why can i see Erwin as the type of drunk to not only sign a wedding registration paper but also demand both of you must go get wedding ware, paying for your dress or suit.

Consent 👏yes👏100%👏the bare minimum👏Erwin values consent above literally anything else👏Erwin wouldn't touch you without permission even while drunk out of his mind👏again it's the bare minimum👏

An older dude that cooks & cleans while staying home as i go out and provide for us? This is my dream. Stay at home husband Reiner stay at home husband Reiner stay at ho

Ngl i think Erwin wouldn't know anything past basic cooking despite him reading all these cooking books and watching videos, i think if he really was dedicated he'd sign up for a cooking class go get high level skills just to impress you but treat it like it's nothing

...he didn't wanna stare at her chest so he went to clean the fridge- Erwin would def be that kind of gentleman to change his own attitude instead of ever telling you to change or cover up.

I love her job oh my god yes.

Ooo a love rival huh👀 is this gonna turn into a triangle situation

The only love rival I'd ever see for Erwin is Nile tbh, like i think if it was Miche, Hange or Levi then he'll talk it out and either him or the person backs off.

He gets gloomy when jealous huh~

THIS IS FUNNIER THAN IT HAS ANY RIGHT TO BE DOAKDJKAKSN I CAN'T.

I can't even imagine Erwin's reaction if you said this to him, like he won't even be mad he would just be really taken back, standing there like 🧍🏼‍♂️...he'd even be amused.

Okay- okay this is a good reaction...I think Erwin would say something similar but rephrase it to he more subtle yet somehow making it sound dirtier.

Something along the lines of, "well, if you're so sure then why don't you find out yourself."

And "after all i can't deny that i haven't thought about how beautiful looked last night...how the more beautiful you would've looked laying down."

"You looked like a really delicious treat"

"All pretty and alone, tearing about your worries, i just wanted to make you forget them all and leave the rest to me"

I should stop-

Chapter two

HE SAID HE IS HER UNCLE I CAN'T BREATHE I LOVE THIS

Oh shit he overhead them oh shit

Shit is going down oh god

Man if it was Nile in this hypothetical insert then he'd be hold this information like the petty bitch he is and use it at the date instead.

Chapter three

Ngl dude, i really hate it when they treat it like a women's reputation is all she has. I especially hate the purity culture of that a young women can't be a roommate with a man because "what will people say" like...if they're fucking who cares and if they aren't literally who cares? Do they realise gay people exist too and two women have an equal chance of sleeping together too?

It feels like they treat women as children, maybe I'm just projecting bc i live in a similar kind of culture where all these rules apply here if not more.

Anyway that manga is cute, it just angred me that these two men think they're responsible for solving her problem or as if they have any right to scold her or be angry like she's some kind of child and should listen.

It's her life, it's her problem and it's her who will solve it.

DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP. he's really acting like a bitch as if he has any right to be angry or even judge her oh my god.

"Impure background..." Get fucked.

The only ONLY reason he even can be angry is because she didn't mention being married while they were going for a date but they didn't even go on that date and nothing was official so why does she have to tell him her private life.

RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG HUGE RED FLAG

"get divorced immediately" HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG

Controlling Insecure cunt.

I'm sorry anon that I'm really going off on him and I'm sorry if you like him- it's just that i really really can't stand these things

THE MANGA IS LOVELY THO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RECOMMENDING IT I'D LOVE MORE WHENEVER💜

Oh baby, oh angel I'm so sorry you had to go through that, in no way is it ever right to get angry and yell no matter what especially since you apologised and admitted to your mistake.

Especially since he knew it was something you did while drunk and deeply regret it but he still took out his angry on you like you betrayed his trust when you weren't even together or like you intentionally did it.

Narcissistic dick.

I'm not talking about the next scenes because it might be triggering.

Chapter five

4 is missing :( idk how her parents visit went

We just started the chapter and-

Fuck her. Like what's up with toxic abusive people being too comfortable saying these things lmao like they actually take themselves seriously omfg.

Imagine saying this about Erwin tho, like it feels powerful to say. John maloney was right after all huh

Oh

Oh

So we doing this huh

👀

....oh :( we were just getting to the god part, man Erwin wouldn't have let a phone stop him.

Also bless the translator for their note at the end, it's good we're seperating fiction from reality and clarifying things to people on how to act in these scenarios.

Like drama is fun and all, I'm a huge sucker being extra, but things are different in real life and using fiction as a guide to how to deal with these, clearly written to be extra, situations should never ever be anyone's first choice.

Well that's all the 10 images tumblr will allow me in one post, i hope you had fun anon because i sure did! And i can definitely see this as a sweet wholesome Erwin/reader story, and if i ever did a an inspired rewriting of that manga with Erwin i can definitely see it being really fun to write!

Although i will change some stuff like that guy, i know people have good and bad sides but the guy specifically made me uncomfortable for personal reasons, i also Don't like mentioning serious things like anger controlling issues without diving deep into them.

Imma go finish the manga, if you want a part two, or have a different thing to recommend, please let me know💙

[tjlikesprettythings]

Joshua Tree Playlist-A Macriley Fic

So I’ve done it again, not sure what’s wrong with me or where this came from but enjoy my obsession. Thanks for the motivation and support from my other posts. I’m still waiting for my invite from Ao3 but wanted to share this monster with you guys. 

This fic was inspired by music that I thought fit the general tone of this story, so I decided to make a spotify playlist linked Joshua Tree Playlist hence the name. Now of course you guys don’t have to listen to it, I know we all have different preferences, but I would recommend listening to the last song by Dylan Schneider “Wannabe” so you get the full context of what I was trying to write. I also mention the songs that I recommend listening to. Well anyways Enjoy and do let me know what you think!

This is very long, just a heads up! Please let me know if I should continue writing. 

Joshua Tree Playlist

Chapter 1: Day 1

Mac sat on the deck after his run, another sleepless night. The nightmares felt more and more real each day. Looking out on the early morning LA skyline he felt like a stranger in his own life. There was so much anger in him that he didn’t know what to do with himself. The loss, the tragedy that was his life felt like a weight he couldn’t bear. He’d give anything to go back to that pressure chamber in Georgia again instead of this, at least things made sense then. He was spiralling, he was aware. Scrubbing his hands across his face he let another breath pass. He didn’t hear her coming but saw her shapely bronze legs standing in front of him dressed in khaki shorts and a black singlet one hand holding a backpack and the other on her hip. It was definitely early for her to be up, especially on an off day. 

He raised an eyebrow at her, “what’s up Riles?” 

“Get up, we’re going on a trip.” She simply said swinging the backpack at his feet. 

“What?” he was confused by the situation unfolding in front of him, maybe he was dreaming? 

She turned to walk back into the house, “You heard me Macgyver, get your ass in the car in 5!”

He stood up and swiped the backpack off the floor and chased after her. She was already in the truck sunglasses pulled down with her arm out of the window, fingers drumming against the door. “Riley.”

She nodded her head in the direction of the car, “come on, we haven’t got all day! Get in!”

He could have stood his ground but honestly, he was too tired to argue with her. So he threw his backpack in the back and got into the passenger seat. She started the car and connect her phone to the Bluetooth, a playlist called Joshua Tree Playlist that was curated by Riley Davis came on the on-screen deck. He discovered that Riley didn’t just listen to Beyonce, old school rap, and rock. Her music like her was multifaceted and ranged from what you’d expect to complete surprises. He even walked in on her listening to Harry Styles to which she had just shrugged and simply said “I’m confident in myself to like what I like, besides watermelon sugar is a tune.” But currently, she quickly scrolled and threw on Mumm-ra’s “Summer” the indie rock song had a classic indie bass and guitar combo as the intro, she shimmed her shoulders to the music. He couldn’t help but actually crack a smile at her antics. 

Her head turned to him then as she bopped to the music and gave him that brilliant smile lipping the words to the song “I’m only happy in the summer...I’m only happy with you, lover...” She was like a prism, all clear but as soon the light hit her she was vibrant colors and sounds. “Now that’s more like the Mac I know. Nice to have you back for a second.” 

Her words hit him fully, leave it to Riley to bring him back down to earth. To notice that he was struggling. He didn’t know what to say, so he opted for the next best thing. “Are you going to tell me where this semi-voluntary kidnapping is going?”

“Hey, no kidnapping vibes here. We’re taking a couple of days and chilling out. Matty already approved it. We have four days to ourselves. So we’re going on a road trip! Next stop Joshua Tree.” She simply stated as she drove down the hill and towards I-10E.

He widened his eyes and gave his head a shake, letting loose a chuckle he threw up his hand and let them slap his highs. “Ok! I’ll bite.” the brilliance of her smile made him feel like he made the right choice, the breeze already warm blew in through the open windows, the loose strands from her bun floating around her face. 

“Yea! Bozer is going to meet up with us there, he has an errand to run before. Unfortunately, Desi can’t make it, she’s on a mission.” she said sparing him a glance.

He shifted in his seat if he were honest, he was now just looking forward to spending time with her and Boz. “Yea, probably for the best.”

She didn’t say anything waiting for him to continue if he wanted to. The great thing about Riley was she pushed when there was something worth pushing for but otherwise gave him space to talk to her on his own time. Without saying it, he could feel her body asking him if he and Desi were ok.

“I’m not sure I’m what she needs right now.” He simply stated and the unstated that he probably didn’t need their complicated and messy relationship right now either. They were too volatile and while that gave spark to great sex, it left everything else scorched and untouchable. It wasn’t fair for Desi to be stuck with him while he was stuck in his head.

He watched Riley shift in her seat, lately, he noticed there was a strange distance between them but then here she was stealing him away as the old Riley would. Maybe four days would give him the answers to why he felt like she was slipping away slowly, the thought put such a tight feeling in his throat, he couldn’t lose one more person. Especially not Riley, not his amazing, smart, loyal, beautiful friend singing along to a cover of Billy Joel’s “Vienna”. Suddenly it was easy to smile again, it didn’t take all of his efforts. “Hey, did you pack my bag for me? Or am I gonna have to survive in these running clothes for four days?”

He didn’t think to change when she gave him 5 minutes to meet her at his truck.

“I got you, Mac, everything you need is in there boy! Why would I give you an empty backpack?” she tapped on with the music and threw him another smile. If the next few days were going to be filled with smiling Riley he was already glad she kidnapped him voluntarily.

“Did you go through my underwear and sock drawers?!” He asked narrowing his eyes and laughing as a soft blush spread across her cheeks, Riley Davis can be bashful what do you know. 

“I mean we’re all adults here, no need for this juvenile behaviour. Yes, I packed your undies and socks.” He could see her rolling her eyes behind her sunglasses, but he was amused by the blush that graced her face. Mac always thought Riley was attractive, men and women constantly commented on her beauty. Her looks helped them with countless ops. He wasn’t blind, just looked past the obvious. She was his friend, Jack’s daughter, and a relationship he couldn’t sacrifice. But these moments when they’re alone and he could look at her and steal glances he saw just how gorgeous she was as a being. 

They had become closer the past couple of years for sure, he felt completely at ease with her. Could talk to her about anything, seek her counsel about things that were on his mind. She usually could read him already ready to jump into whatever stupid situations he got himself into. Even now he couldn’t believe that she followed him into Codex. She had told him she trusted him, and he felt like he could breathe just from those words. Knowing she stood with him gave him the strength to follow through. 

They stopped for coffee and bagels, laughing about the guy in front of them that took ages to order. They made fun of a couple of housewives of Beverly hills type and how Bozer would’ve recognized who they are. It was just easy his mind kept saying to him. When he pointed to a smidge of cream cheese in the corner of her mouth, she attempted to licked it away with her tongue, he couldn’t help but gulp down some of his iced coffee and watch her miss it. Reaching over he brushed the side of her lips and without thinking licked his thumb clean. She froze for a second and looked at him with an intensity that he couldn’t read. “You were struggling” he shrugged. 

“Thanks,” was all she said with an almost shy smile, unaware of course of how that small act sent fire all over her. She was thankful that she was on her last bite and he was already finished with his bagel, now casually leaning back in his chair letting the sun warm his face, his golden hair casting a halo around him. She needed to run away, “ready to start the journey again?”

Smiling he stood, they took their unfinished coffee and bottles of water with them. For the next 15 minutes, they joked about the new episodes of Rick and Morty, as more of her playlist played in the background, glancing at the screen he saw the current song was “Good Life” by Randell Kent. The lyrics washing over him as they finally pulled into the expressway. This could be a good life, at least it felt that way right now. 

They passed the next 15 minutes in silence, but it was the kind they had often where it was just comfortable. They didn’t feel the need to fill the void. They just listened to music and watched the road and let their minds wander.

She hummed along with the new song that came on, he never noticed that she had a pretty nice singing voice. “...don’t overthink it...just surround me...hmm” LÉON's "Surround Me" played in the car. He leaned against his window and watched her quietly.  “Why don’t you take a nap, I know you didn’t sleep much last night. We’ve got another 2-hour drive ahead of us.” She finally says to him softly turning the music down a bit and rolling up the windows opting for the ac.

Of course, she noticed, it wasn’t a big secret that he had been spiralling out of control. He wasn’t sleeping or eating well, his mind obsessing over Codex. But now there was nothing but a jumbled mess of things and just pure grief and exhaustion left behind in the aftermath. Strangely enough, he actually felt ok enough to take her up on the offer, she made him feel safe. Knowing she was going to be here when he opened his eyes brought a feeling of comfort and peace he was struggling to have, it was like the darkness couldn’t get to him. “Yeah ok.”

He drifted and for the first time in a long time found sleep came quickly and a dreamless sleep took him over. No nightmares, just soft hum engulfed him. It was when he felt warm fingers on his cheek brushing back some hair did he open his eyes and came face to face with Riley’s hazel eyes and full lips. He blinked a few times to adjust to the light. “Hey,” she said softly. 

“Hey, are we here already?” He asked sitting up, it didn’t escape his mind that he didn’t mind that Riley was the first thing he saw when he opened his eyes, it never did but he filed it away with any other thoughts that ever came into his mind about her that seemed more than friendly behaviour. 

She stepped away from him and cleared her throat and nodded, “yea, we’re here. I’m glad you got some sleep” she smiled again. She was entranced with watching him sleep, she almost didn’t want to wake him, he was beautiful, soft and so vulnerable in this moment. She knew how much he was struggling, which made her predicament even more complicated. How could she tell him she would be moving out? Instead, her brilliant idea was to steal him away for a few days. She was playing with fire, but she also knew that as strong as he was, any more change might send him over the edge. She decided she’ll tell him about her move after this trip, but her priority will always be to protect him, her heart can deal with it. 

His own faced turned up, “yeah I guess I needed it, and who knew what I needed was you humming off-key to songs in the background to fall asleep.” She swallowed and told her heart to stop its stupid summersaults. 

“I’ll make you some tracks and make sure they’re extra off-key! I’ll be your white noise” she said quickly teasing back. 

“My very own ghost.” his eyes crinkling in the corners. This was the most she’s seen him smile in a while. 

Rolling her eyes and doing a mock laugh “careful or I will haunt your ass for real” to which she got full dimples, this was going to be four long days.

“Ok so I got us a house actually” she cheekily said pointing at the well-maintained terra cotta colored house they were parked in front of on top of a hill surrounded by sky and desert landscapes with cacti and boulders, the house faced the road below that brought them into town. The front porch had a couple of lounge chairs, a table for four, a couple of lanterns neatly hung around the arches and a small pathway that led to a circular covering what he deduced was the hot tub. There were shrubs and succulents neatly planted around the house giving some green to the otherwise very warm hue of the area. 

Mac looked around and already his head felt lighter under the sky that just seemed bluer here, probably because the air pollution was nonexistent here. He sheepishly said, “I kinda thought we’d be camping,” rubbing the back of his neck, “but the house looks nice.”

“Listen, we can camp I bought everything, but we can also stay in this awesome house with a hot tub, pool, and functioning toilets and showers.” she shrugged tucking her hands into the back pockets of her shorts. “What can I say, I’m a city gal and honestly we do ‘camp’ a lot for work.”

He shook his head lightly, “yeah I guess you got a point there,” thinking of all of the times they did camp out without any real equipments. “You thought of everything huh?” He asked softly taking her in fully. “Thanks, Riles.” watching her smile and nod made his heart feel warm, a feeling he’s been missing for a while.

As if on cue Bozer pulled up behind them. Riley’s smiled widen. Mac turned towards the car and he thought he was seeing a ghost. Then he heard the familiar sound of a Texan drawl. He turned to Riley wide-eyed and then back at where Bozer stepped out of the car with a shit-eating grin and next to him was none other than Jack Dalton. 

“How’s it going hoss!” He waved with a laugh as he approached Mac and took his hand and pulled him into a hug.

“Jack! Man, it’s so good to see you.” Mac said hugging the older man hard, he felt his eyes water just a bit.

Jack pat his back and pulled away smiling, “it’s good to see you too, kid.”

“Yeah, the OG gang is back together” Bozer claimed jumping with excitement.  

Jack turned to Riley and embraced her, “Hey baby girl!” Pulling her off the ground as she shrieked with laughter. Riley held onto Jack for a moment longer before releasing him and smiling, she didn’t hide the tears that were softly rolling down her face now. 

“I’m so glad to have you back.” She said softly. Jack brushed away tears from her cheek and nodded. 

“Me too.” he turned to look at his crew and smiled at the kids that somehow came to mean the world to him. “So we ready for this crazy weekend or what?!” his arm still around Riley. 

“Hell yeah!” exclaimed Bozer already heading to the trunk of his car to grab his and Jack’s bags. 

Mac just stood dumbfounded for a second taking in the 3 most important people in his life and finally feeling something, he’s been so scared that something in him was shifting but seeing them here smiling at him brought back the warmth he felt has been slowly seeping away. “Thank you, guys.”

“Come on man, we’re family,” Bozer said squeezing his shoulder. 

“You always got us,” Jack added a giant grin. “Alright now, let’s get settled and decide what we’re doing. I’m craving a cold one for sure!” He said picking up his bag.

Riley on cue walked over to the door and pressed in the security code into the door handle and opened up the door. “Welcome to the digs boys, we’ve got the living room” pointing to the right, “the master bedroom just past there as well as the second bedroom. Just ahead is the dining room and kitchen, around the hall to the left we have the other two bedrooms and bathroom. Laundry room and back porch with the grill AND pool. You saw the fire pit and hot tub in the front of the house.” she said sweeping both her arms around the house that was meant to be their home for the next four days. 

“Damn Riley! You did good!” Bozer said as he scanned the house, decorated with a mix of modern and country house feel. Walking over to the kitchen he hummed in approval, “I can work with this! I’m gonna grab the groceries!” he bounced back out the door. 

Jack gave a whistle of approval, “man, after the places I’ve been sleeping in, I’m gonna sleep like a baby!” as he went around ducking into rooms and giving his approval.

Mac didn’t care much about the house but did agree it was a nice one with all the comforts of home. 

Riley suddenly stood in front of him and gave him a warning “Macgyver don’t use any part of this house, I would like to get my deposit back.” He laughed holding up both hands in agreement. 

Jack turned the attention back to the group, “ok kids whose taking what room?”

“Riley should have the master,” Mac said right away. Jack did jokingly protest that he’s the one who’s been sleeping on rubbles and jungle floors. Bozer bounced into one of the bedrooms to the right, jack decided to take the bedroom next to Bozer. Which left him and Riley to the right side of the house. “Masters all yours.”

She smiled, “umm you sure you don’t want it?” to which he shook his head, all of the bedrooms where sizeable with queen beds and dressers, it honestly didn’t matter and being the only girl they didn’t mind giving her the room with space and vanity table so she can paint her face as jack put it to which she rolled her eyes. “So there is the bathroom down the hall next to the other bedrooms but one here on our side the bathroom is actually in the master, so feel free to use it if you need it. The shower in there looks amazing!” She said nervously.

He smiled “yea ok.” He helped her unpack the car and bring her bag into her bedroom. He looked around “maybe I should take this room,” which earned him a light shove at his shoulder and he chuckled. 

“Too late it’s mine now. Ok! So I say we get changed grab some lunch and chill for a bit while we plan the next few days.” She laid out the plans looking up at him both hands on her hips and she stretched forward towards him. That familiar hammering came back in her chest, the next thing she knows he’s embracing her. “Mac…”

He just needed to be close to her just for a second, releasing her from the embrace he softly said, “I just...I know I said thank you, but really, thank you.”

She held onto his biceps and squeezed them, ignoring the way that made her feel she just smiled at him “hey what are friends for if not to kinda kidnap you for a mini-vacation.” He laughed and she decided that was her favorite sound. Letting her hands fall to her side, “go get settled, I’m sure Boz will make us something to eat, I’m starving.”

He smiled once more and left her standing in the middle of her room feeling so many things. The next four days were going to be the hardest four days of her life she reminded herself again. She survived two years in prison, she’ll be fine, she hoped. Taking a deep breath she walked into the kitchen where she could already hear Jack and Bozer. 

Bozer was laying out sandwich meats and cheese he had picked up while swatting Jack’s hands away from stealing slices of the cold cuts. She felt a bit emotional seeing them goofing around, something about Jack being home made her feel like everything was going to be ok, that Mac would be ok and she would have the strength to get over what was currently happening to her in regards to Mac.

“Some things never change.” She heard Mac say softly now changed into a pair of trousers t-shirt and button-down. “Thanks for the clothes you picked out, I don’t think I could have picked better.”

Again she felt her face warm, what the hell was wrong with her. She couldn’t recall a time that she felt this affected. Usually, with guys she had found attractive, it was always coyness and subtle flirting but never did something so simple trigger this kind of response. She chalked it up to the heat even though the state of the art thermostat read a cool 70°. “Yea, of course, you’re welcome. And I’m glad that some things don’t change.”

Mac looked down at her, he agreed but maybe some things changing wouldn’t be too bad. Pulling up the chair at the kitchen island, they took the beers Jack handed them one by one raising his bottle “it’s good to be home, cheer!” They all clinked the bottles together and shouted cheers. Jack took a long swig off his beer, “Damn that’s good.” 

Mac couldn’t help but feel like he was transported back to a couple of years ago when things were simple and good. They saved lives and had fun. Everything seemed so much heavier and complicated these days. But right now at this moment, he felt the most present he’s felt in a year. 

“What are we having Boz, I’m starving!” Riley whined softly. 

“Girl I got you covered. I’m making a medley of sandwiches, you got a Cuban, prosciutto and mozzarella with balsamic vinegar and basil, and a BLT coming at you with my homemade mayo,” he said already working on prepping the bread with condiments. 

“Damn Bozer, have I missed your cooking!” said Jack with an excited glint in his eyes. 

“So I was thinking we take it easy for today don’t know about you guys but I could take a dip in that pool, we’ll start early morning for the hikes, if we want to camp tomorrow night we can, day 3 and 4 are open for whatever you guys want to do. We need to be back in LA by noon on monday.” Riley laid out the plans.

“Pool party, I’m in,” Jack said nodded seriously. 

“Me too! I can’t remember the last time I just had a day to do whatever I wanted.” Bozer said thoughtfully while working on their lunch.

“Yea, it’s been a lot going on hasn’t it.” He said picking at the beer bottle label. The room fell into silence for a moment, each reviewing the events of the past year if not longer. They lost so much as a collective but Mac and the most. 

Jack took another sip finishing off his beer and shook his head, “Nah, we’re here to have fun, let’s focus on that.” grabbing one of the pickles that Boze laid out, Bozer gave him a side-eye but said nothing. “This weekend we’re gonna unwind and be thankful for this beautifully weird place. Nothing is blowing up, no one is shooting at us, the worst thing will be the hangovers and food comas,”

Riley and Bozer both collectively knocked on the wood of the kitchen island, “don’t jinx it!”

To which Mac proceeded to explain that ‘jinx’ wasn’t a scientifically proven, and went into a ramble about logic. It wasn’t until he noticed all three of his friends smiling affectionately at him that he stopped dropped him head mouth curving into a smile. He knocked on the wood too just in case.

                                                         II

Twenty minutes later Bozer served them his masterpieces as he called them, and they all agreed that they were works of art. Jack had caught them up as much as he could on his mission with the deltas and catching Kovac, leaving the classified information out. It seems so natural that they wouldn’t give details, that they understood that somethings they could never talk about again. 

Finishing off his third sandwich Jack stood to plug his phone to charge “can you believe this phone lasted me almost 2 years?!” 

To which Mac rolled his eyes but his mouth still twitched upwards. “I can’t help that a phone has key components for most builds.”

“Yeah you left and it became either me or Riley. I feel like it was mostly me though.” Bozer said pouting. 

“Appreciate you picking up the slack, I already upgraded my insurance just in case.” Jack pointed at Mac. To which Boze and Riley hollered. 

Mac held up his hand and shook his head, “hey man I promise if I don’t need it, I won’t ask for it.” 

“Alright, Alright let’s get to the pool!” Jack said already pulling his shirt over his head. “Riley throw on some tunes, preferably something country or rock or close to my generation that we can all enjoy.”

It was Riley’s turn to roll her eyes, “don’t worry old man, I got us all covered. A bit of Brooks and Dunn, a bit of Ozzy,  a bit of Technotronic, a little Beyonce, and of course Drake for Bozer.”

Mac’s face squinted into lines. “Wait is Techtronic for me? Or is Beyonce for me?”

She laughed, “guess you’ll just have to find out, though I do recall you know the lyrics to at least one of Techtronic’s’ song.” her own eyes squinting to tease him. “Alright, I’m gonna go change, be right back.”

“Yeah ok fair enough, but only cause it was on the radio…saved your booty,” she heard him mumble as she passed him patting his shoulder. 

The guys were already set up by the pool when she walked out. Bozer managed to find a pool floaty from where they didn’t know and mildly suspected he might have packed the one that he was currently laying on and enjoying the sun. Mac and Jack sat next to each other with their feet in the water.

“I’m sorry about your old man.” Jack finally said softly. 

Mac’s lips pulled into a line before he sighed and looked down at the beer bottle in his hand “yea, as it turns out its hard to be mad at a guy that always chose the utilitarian method. He sacrificed himself, I wish I could just be sad or just angry but how I feel is just…” he didn’t know himself.

“Hey man, I get it. I know what it’s like to lose a father. No matter who and how he was as a person, he was still your dad.” Jack said placing a hand on Mac’s shoulder and giving a light squeeze. “But you know I‘m here if you gotta sort through all the jumbled mess in your head. I’ll be your sounding board.”

“Thanks, I appreciate that” He did appreciate it, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to, let alone where to start to untangle the mess that his life became. He was brought out of his brooding when Bozer whistled loudly.

“Damnnnnn Riley!” to which Jack knocked him off his floaty, when he resurfaced drawing water away from his face he whined, “I was just paying her the compliment she deserves!”

Mac knew that Riley had an amazing body, her tight jeans and crop tops proved this countless time if not by the countless gowns and tight dresses she had to wear for ops, but they’d never seen her in a bikini in the four years of working together. He swallowed hard and pretended not to stare, but it was hard when she was all bronze and glowing, toned abs and round hips, her smile radiant even if her eyes held a teasing annoyance at the attention. It suddenly felt hotter than 89°. 

Jack knew better than to tell her to cover up, and he knew that he could trust these guys but still, he pouted about her lack of clothing. “Jack, what do you want me to wear to the pool, a potato sack?”

“No, but...never mind!” he just mumbled. 

She shook her head, but she was trying to distract herself from the fact that Mac had looked at her hard, their eyes locked for a second and she could’ve sworn she saw something there, the way his adam’s apple bobbed make her skin tingle. She decided that she’d read it as a compliment. 

The rest of the afternoon passed with a game of pool volleyball, naps here and there or reading, Riley’s playlist playing in the background. Memories being solidified to sounds, smells, and feelings. She chided them to apply sunscreen and even offered to help with their backs. 

“Riley not sure if you’re aware but I’m black,” Bozer said to her proudly.

“So? Black people burn too and are you trying to get cancer?” She asked with a raised eyebrow.

Deflated he shook his head no and sat down. One by the one they gave up the protests as she threw savage shade at them. She applied a boatload of sunscreen just cause they gave her a hard time and decided to snap some pictures as well for blackmail of course.

Mac was last and sat in front of her as she steeled herself and slowly applied the sunscreen to the back of his neck, the hair at his nape tickling her fingers. She worked quickly and ran her fingers between his shoulder blades down his back. She felt him tense and worked faster. As much as she enjoyed being able to touch him like this, it was also inappropriate. He didn’t know about her feelings, and she felt sleazy as if she were taking advantage of a friend. Closing the bottle cap shut, she lightly tapped his shoulders, “done, now you don’t have to be an embarrassing lobster.” She weakly cracked.

He wasn’t new to attraction, or the body’s response to the said attraction. He didn’t expect to be so affected by her fingers running down his back, her nails making a slow trail that left him imagining those nails digging into his back for a completely different reason. He cleared his throat, “thanks, wouldn’t want that.”  he managed as he looked over his shoulder. Fuck him, she was adorable as she chewed her bottom lip and nodded. Ok, maybe four days of this Riley was going to be a challenge.

                                                        II

Around later afternoon everyone decides to shower and get ready for the evening, agreeing to head into town and grabbing dinner there. They decided with the drinks they’ve had best to grab an Uber into town. The awkwardness of the poolside sunscreen still fresh as they piled into the car. It was a short ride but felt long as Riley sat squeezed between Mac and Bozer. Bozer just grinned, of course, him knowing her feeling about Mac was going to be her downfall. When they were dropped off, She felt like she had been holding her breath for hours.

“You ok?” Mac asked her to which she nodded.

“Yep, just need a drink!” His brows raised and he seconded that feeling because he definitely could use one.  

Walking around the old Pioneer town setup, Mac explained different tools and contraptions that were displayed around the old buildings from the 1800s, Jack dazzled them with stories about Texas that either made no sense or was inaccurate according to Mac, Bozer, and goggle. They decided to have dinner at Pappy and Harriet’s Pioneertown Palace, where the smell of barbecue wafted through the warm evening air, They could hear the bustle of music and glasses clinking. Bozer was already rushing in to get them a table saying something about getting his hands on some ribs. Jack hollered that he has to see if this place is as good as Texas barbecue.  

Mac looked down at Riley as her eyes sparkled with excitement the earlier awkwardness finally forgotten. Even though they’ve been everywhere in the world, this place had her vibrating. “I never knew you were a fan of the country life.”

She laughed, “I don’t know, I didn’t think that I was either, but there is something about this place that just, I dunno gets me kinda hyped.”

“Hey, guys they have a table for us!” Bozer shouted over the live music and chatter. Apparently they came on open mic night and the local dentist was doing this rendition of Hank Williams’ “all my rowdy friends” and killing it. The energy was just infectious.

They sat down as Bozer rubbed his hands together, “I already know this is gonna be the bomb. I mean can you smell that hickory?!”

“Hell yea I can!” Jack chimed in.

Mac smiled at his best friends, Bozer and Jack were always bouncing off each other in any room the three of them were in, but since Riley came into the picture they’re better behaved. They listen to song after song and the cheers of the crowd as they ate. Jack approved and hummed in appreciation. 

“I’ve missed this, the good ole USA, bbq, and country blues.” 

“Every song is about beer, a truck, a woman, but man is it catchy” Bozer stood busting out his moves as he called it. 

“Jack, it makes sense you should feel right at home at this place.” She said with eyes twinkling. 

Mac took a swig of his beer and chuckled, “This whole place is Jack if he were a bar, maybe throw in some Black Sabbath and ACDC in and you have Jack.”

Jack grinned and nodded, “ok, ok, you’re not wrong. I’m totally digging this place.” His eyes finding the eyes of a pretty blonde at the bar.

“Classic...” She agreed, crinkling her nose up in that adorable way when she found something slightly distasteful, thought Mac. For a moment they took the time to acknowledge the man who became a father to them both with affection. If they ever have to thank someone for their sincerity they could claim Jack as one of the big influencers. They’re musing was broken by Bozer shouting,

“Guys come on lets dance, how often do we get to do this anymore?” Bozer ushered them onto the dance floor. He already found himself a couple of dance partners. Ph.D. in partying Bozer was out tonight. 

It was true, they didn’t do these things anymore. Things haven’t been the same for a while. It’s only been about a year and yet he felt like his whole world shifted. An avalanche of shit hit him. 

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Jack jumped up and was already making a beeline for the woman at the bar. They could hear a vague “how you doing?”

Mac and Riley just rolled their eyes and joined Bozer on the dance floor as the new performer of the night decided to sing Shania Twain “Man, I Feel like a woman.” As soon as they joined Bozer, of course, within minutes Riley was stolen away for a dance. Mac was happy to watch her, the joy finally reaching her eyes today. Maybe they all needed this, a moment to stop and appreciate their lives. 

He liked seeing her like this, Riley was always fun to be around. But right now she was everything he thought to himself, everything about her made his heart feel full. Finishing his beer off, he decided that he wanted to be the one to dance with his friend. The more he played with the word, somehow it didn’t seem enough anymore to call her that.

“Can I steal her for this dance?” he asked not really waiting for an answer already pulling her close to him. “You good?” looking to make sure he wasn’t misreading the situation.

She looked up at him and nodded, “yeah, I’m good.” looking down at their joined hands, it was this hand-holding that started the thud in her chest in Germany, and here it was hammering away. She was so screwed. There was a part of her mind that asked her, why not? He’s not attached anymore, so why not? But she knew better, he didn’t need this right now. He didn’t need her feelings to complicate his life. Lost in her thoughts or the blues of his eyes she wasn’t sure which, she didn’t realize the music was changing as the next performer took stage and cheers were heard. 

The music changed to a slower one, something about it just seemed fitting and he’d watched her dance all night with other people but now it was his turn. He stepped up closer to her, her eyes on him as he took her hand and swayed with her. She laughed softly as they danced to a soft country song about a man who wanted to be a girl’s everything. How ironic.

“If you wanna be with a guy who's gonna bring you flowers A guy who's gonna talk on your phone for hours A guy who's gonna wanna hold the door for you When you wanna walkthrough A guy who's gonna pick you up A guy who's gonna take you out and make you Wanna get a little dressed up and get a little down”

She once told him that she wouldn’t mind a small town, the quiet, after all things they saw daily. He wondered if secretly she wanted to be one of those ‘girl next door’ country girl. He felt her warmth through the shirt she wore, his finger brushing the soft exposed skin of her midriff. It was like an electrical current ran through him, which was of course plausible and probably didn’t mean anything.

“I wanna be the guy with the roses Number on speed dial, ladies first, don't you know that's my style Hop into my truck I got plans We’ll head on down to Jimmy's and we'll do a little dance There's a lot of things in a small town a guy can be But if its by your side for the rest of my life Baby, you can call me, a wannabe (a wannabe) Be be a wannabe (a wannabe) (a wannabe) Be Be”

She knew how dangerous this was getting, but she couldn’t help herself just for this one song. Couldn’t help giggling when he spun her around and pulled her close. Couldn’t help but let her stupid heart thud at his deep laughter. Where she could touch him for a little while without question, without worry. She can feel the hair at the nape of his neck as she wrapped her arms around him because they were just dancing. This stolen moment getting filed away as one of the best nights she’s had to date. 

“If you wanna be with a guy whose gonna give you The whole world from the back of a dirt road farm Scribbled in ink with a big heart a tattoo on my arm I'm talkin' kissin' like crazy, can't shut it down Can't you see how I wanna be the guy that you’re out with Arm that's your names on”

With every sway, he felt like he was taking a step towards where he should be. The person he should be and wanted to be. The doubt that has been clouding over him slowly clearing a little. He felt like he could finally see the light shining through. If someone like Riley could stand next to him as the world ended then life couldn’t possibly be that bad, right? So for now at this moment, he pulls her closer, lets her scent make him dizzy. Lets his hand splay across the small of her back to let each finger feel her.

“Be the lips baby that you wanna put your lips on All-day, all night, moonshine, sunrise, your favorite song There's a lot of things in a small town a guy can be But if it’s by your side for the rest of my life, baby you can call me A wannabe (a wannabe) (a wannabe) Be be a wannabe (a wannabe) Be Be”

There is a cheer from the crowd and she laughs “This song is fucking catchy,” She says as he dips her, the audible gasp vibrating through her to him. He decided then that he loved dancing with Riley. He loved her laughs, the way her whole face lit up. 

“I wanna be the guy you make a life with, picket white fence with Maybe a little later hell even make a baby with Just you and me livin' that life long dream There's a lot of things in a small town a guy can be But if it’s by your side for the rest of my life”

He placed his forehead against hers and held her close. She glances up at him and his eyes hold hers. She’s mystified by their intensity, her body on fire from his breath fanning across her face. They were so close, he could kiss. He wanted to kiss her. As they got lost in each other, they failed to see the silly smile on Bozer’s face as he watched them or Jack who also softly chuckled from where he got distracted from wooing his lady friend Carla. If he was being honest, he can’t believe it took this long for them to get to this point. Well, he supposed he’ll have to have a chat with Mac about what he can expect if he hurts his little girl. Turning back to Carla he spared them one last glance then he was all Dalton, Jack Dalton. 

“Baby you can call me, a wannabe (a wannabe) (a wannabe) Be be You can call me your wannabe (a wannabe) Be Be A wannabe (a wannabe) (a wannabe) Be Be”

The crowd clapped cheered and whistled around them, he held her eyes still in a trance. Something definitely shifted between them. She cleared her throat and let him go smiling. “Thanks for the dance. That was so much fun.” Turning to make her way through the crowd to their table where a fresh bottle of beer was waiting for them courtesy of Bozer she assumed. She didn’t wait to see if he was following.

The heat from the dance coming off her now as if she had a full HIIT workout. She took a sip of the beer and before she could swallow it, he was standing next to her. 

“Riley…”

She gulped down the beer and looked at him, she was so fucked. 

[mizutoyama]

HPHM OTP Playlist

(Inspired by @drinkyoursoupbitch​ & @carewyncromwell​ )

Alice Beaumont x Charlie Weasley

It’s a long one... Sorry 😅(Been writing down songs that reminded me of Charlie and Alice’s relationship and its evolution for some time now...)

The order, while not perfect, is important. We start with Charlie realizing his feelings for Alice, followed by Alice’s own (very) slow realization, them dating through highs and lows, them breaking up, after the break up, until they finally find their ways toward each other again.

You came into my life

And I thought hey

You know this could be something

Two Is Better Than One (Boys Like Girls, Taylor Swift)

Oh I feel overjoyed

When you listen to my words

I see them sinking in

Overjoyed (Bastille)

Hey Juliet

I think you're fine.

You really blow my mind

Maybe some day you and me can run away.

I just want you to know.

I wanna be your Romeo.

Juliet (LMNT)

I remember the day we first met

The shy smiles and the spilling sunlight

I knew, just by looking into your eyes

Neverending story (Stray Kids)

She watches the sunset slip out of sight

She points to the lilacs in bloom

Her eyes filled with wonder

And my eyes they do the same

Just looking at her face

Looking at Her Face (Tyrone Wells)

What could a guy like me

Ever really offer?

She's perfect as she can be

Why should I even bother? 

She’s so High (Tal Bachman)

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

Enchanted (Owl City)

I think you're pretty

Without any makeup on

I think you're funny

When you tell the punchline wrong

Teenage Dream (The Rescues)

New and a bit alarming

Who'd have ever thought that this could be

True, that he's no Prince Charming

But there's something in him that I simply didn't see

Something There (Beauty and the Beast)

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall

But watching you stand alone

All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow

A Thousand Years (Christina Perri)

You might need time to think it over

But I'm just fine moving forward

I'll ease your mind if you give me the chance

I will never make you cry, c'mon let's try

Beautiful Soul (Jesse McCartney)

So this is the miracle

That I've been dreaming of

Mmm, mmm

So this is love

So This Is Love (Cinderella)

'Cause lovers dance when they're feelin' in love

Spotlight's shinin' it's all about us

It's all about us

And every heart in the room will melt

This is a feeling I've never felt but

It's all about us

All About Us (He Is We)

Remember those walls I built

Well, baby, they're tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make a sound

Halo (Beyonce)

You've got me seeing stars brighter than ever

Shining just like diamonds do

I know that in time it could be all ours, brighter than ever

Your love is such a dream come true

Seeing Stars (Børns)

You’re already in my radius

My eyes are already a pair of binoculars

Other guys are outside my vision

Only you are growing bigger

Adrenaline (Girls’ Generation -TaeTiSeo)

As I looked up into those eyes, his vision borrows mine

And I know he's no stranger

For I feel I've held him for all of time

Ordinary Day (Vanessa Carlton)

It's a new world it's a new start

It's alive with the beating of young hearts

It's a new day it's a new plan

I've been waiting for you

Here I am

Here I Am (Bryan Adams)

I've got somewhere I belong

I got somebody to love

This is what dreams are made of

What Dreams Are Made Of (Hilary Duff)

You're the fire and the flood

And I'll always feel you in my blood

Everything is fine

When your hand is resting next to mine

Fire and the Flood (Vance Joy)

Do you feel the lightning inside of you

Will you follow through if I fall for you?

Don't look down

Up this high, we'll never hit the ground

Don’t Look Down (Martin Garrix)

And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way

To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say

You're OK with the way this is going to be

Must Have Done Something Right (Reliant K)

I can show you the world

Shining, shimmering, splendid

Tell me, princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?

A Whole New World (Aladdin)

When you're near, I hide my blushing face

And trip on my shoelaces

Grace just isn't my forté

I Do Adore (Mindy Gledhill)

She calls me sweetheart

I love it when she wakes me when it's still dark

And she watches the sun

But she's the only one I have my eyes on

I Must Be Dreaming (The Maine)

And Edison would spin in his grave

To ever see the light that you gave

Don't wanna take it nice and slow here

Don't wanna waste a minute more dear

Warmer Climate (Snow Patrol)

There's something about you I can't describe

If only you could see yourself through my eyes

There is nothing I won't do to show you why

You cannot hide, you're simply one of a kind

Something About You (Lucius)

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I've never seen the sky before

Want to vanish inside your kiss

Everyday I love you more and more

Come What May (Moulin Rouge)

My wildest dreamings

Could not foresee

Lying beside you

With you wanting me

As Long As You’re Mine (Wicked)

Make your fingers soft and light Let your body be the velvet of the night Touch my soul, you know how Andante, andante Go slowly with me now

Andante, Andante (Mamma Mia 2)

You be the Beast and I'll be the Beauty, beauty

Who needs true love as long as you love me truly.

I want it all, but I want you more

Wonderlands (Natalia Kills)

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars (Snow Patrol)

You're the reason that I feel so strong

The reason that I'm hanging on

Mess is Mine (Vance Joy)

There comes a time you need to let me know

We'll fight your demons

When they start to show

Circles (As Tall As Lions)

And when you're needing your space

To do some navigating

I'll be here patiently waiting

To see what you find

I Won't Give Up (Jason Mraz)

So give me hope in the darkness that I will see the light

'Cause oh that gave me such a fright

But I will hold as long as you like

Just promise me we'll be alright

Ghosts That We Knew (Mumford & Sons)

I don't want to talk right now

I just want your arms wrapped around

Me and this moment before it runs out

Eavesdrop (The Civil Wars)

You're a wreck and you know

You've got me wrapped around your finger

Like a boy tangled in vines

But I've figured you out

Daisy (The Maine)

You tell me all the things you do

Tell me that it's up to you

Crying in the peaceful night

Telling all the things you hide

But out there in the future

Maybe you're the rainbow

A Song About Love (Jake Bugg)

All I want is to keep you safe from the cold

To give you all that your heart needs the most

May I (Trading Yesterday)

Tell me that you'll stay

Even when I'm far away

My voice will carry through

Until the end it's me & you

We can make it if we try

Silhouette (Active Child)

Pain or tears, let's change them into stars.

Light a light that will shine on our tomorrow.

Though we may waver now and then, let's do this together;

We'll find that forever, glittering brightly with stardust.

Let it out (Miho Fukuhara)

And when you cry a piece of my heart dies

Knowing that I may have been the cause

If you were to leave and fulfill someone else's dreams

I think I might totally be lost

The Girl (City and Colour)

I don't know where you're going

And I don't know why,

But listen to your heart

Before you tell him goodbye

Listen to Your Heart (DHT)

Can I embrace you one last time?

Can I bid farewell for the last time?

Just please don't forget those loving, happy memories

Driving Me Crazy (Master’s Sun)

But it was not your fault but mine

And it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

Didn't I, my dear?

Little Lion Man (Mumford & Sons)

If I was a burden to you

If I was a baggage

I should’ve left you earlier, I’m sorry

Happy (2NE1)

It's been seven hours and fifteen days

Since you took your love away

I go out every night and sleep all day

Since you took your love away

Nothing Compares to You (Stereophonics)

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing

Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'

And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's

All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses

Littlest Things (Lily Allen)

You said this was all for me

Like a lie, you coldly turned around

Why? Why? You’re gone away

Come Back Home (Unplugged Ver.) (2NE1)

The time when anything made us happy

Looking at each other

You were my strength

When you trusted me

LUV (Apink)

I will miss you the more I erase you

I will shed more tears than today

Like fate, I won’t ever have anyone like you

Good bye my love (Ailee)

I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

The Reason (Hoobastank)

Well, you only need the light when it's burning low

Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

Let Her Go (Passenger)

I tossed and turned in the end

With no one to talk to

I searched again and again

But I never found you

Up All Night (Owl City)

You didn’t say anything, and it was over

I didn’t say anything too, that was our end

The past was still clear

MILK (f(x))

But now the sun shines cold

And all the sky is grey

The stars are dimmed by clouds and tears

And all I wish

Is gone away

To Wish Impossible Things (The Cure)

Et au sud de mes peines j'ai volé loin de toi

Pour couvrir mon cœur d'une cire plus noire

Que tous les regards lancés à mon égard

J'ai tenté de voler loin de toi

C'était salement romantique (Coeur de pirate) (Decided not to put the translation ‘cause the one I found was bad.)

Don’t look back and leave

Don’t find me again and just live on

Because I have no regrets from loving you,

so only take the good memories

Haru Haru (Big Bang)

Even if you easily turn away,

easily get farther apart

I know I won’t easily forget you

If you see me, still the same, still like this

You will call me a fool

And One (Taeyeon)

The one person who appears even when I close my eyes

The person who is next to me even in my dreams

Do you even remember me?

Do you even think of me?

I miss you, please

The One Person, You (Jessica)

It's always times like these

When I think of you

And wonder if you ever think of me

Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong

Living in your precious memory

A Thousand Miles (Vanessa Carlton)

Come up to meet you

Tell you I'm sorry

You don't know how lovely you are

I had to find you

Tell you I need you

The Scientist (Coldplay)

I just wanna love you again

Please come back to me girl

We just broke up but we need each other

Come back to me, you feel the same way

Wanna Love You Again (2PM)

Tired of being tangled in this mess and I

I'm ready to wish you the best tonight

Let me let you go

Let Me Let You Go (Namie Amuro)

Whoever I'll be gazing at, whoever I'll be spending time with,

a day when I can forget you won't come

I'll keep loving you in my heart,

but we can't be together anymore

Cause life's no love story

Love Story (Namie Amuro)

Think of all the things

We've shared and seen

Don't think about the way

Things might have been

Think of Me (Phantom of the Opera)

Now she's here shining in the starlight

Now she's here suddenly I know

If she's here it's crystal clear

I'm where I'm meant to go

I See the Light (Tangled)

Why are you looking down all the wrong roads

When mine is the heart and the soul of the song

There may be lovers who hold out their hands but

He'll never love you like I can

Like I Can (Sam Smith)

And I will swallow my pride

You're the one that I love

And I'm saying goodbye

Say Something (A Great Big World)

If I would have known that you wanted me

The way I wanted you

Then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart

But right here in each others arms

Almost Is Never Enough (Ariana Grande)

Why kiss another frog

You're the only one I want

It's obvious, Why can't you see?

Wontcha Take me to the place we used to meet

A Place Called You (Emma Stevens)

Can we start it all over again, this morning?

I lost all my defenses, this morning

Won't you show me the way it used to be?

Morning (Beck)

I will love you unconditionally

There is no fear now

Let go and just be free

I will love you unconditionally

Unconditionally (Katy Perry)

If you’ve gotten this far, congrats! And thank you! While this playlist has many songs, it’s only the tip of the iceberg.

[hecohansen31]

Fire Of My Loins

Trevor KIrchner+Younger Margaret’s Sister! Reader:

(A/N): Hello, lovelies!

Before you extract your knives to fight me… just know that I am working on “More Than You Bargained For” (2), which will be named “More Than You Can Give Me” (these shits are getting longer than Fall Out Boy’s titles).

But while I was working on it, I ended up not being truly able to focus on it (I still can’t), and this fic low key helped me a bit!

I STILL HATE TREVOR WITH ALL MY GUTS (and haven’t seen 9x07, when I wrote this) but hey… he low key inspired me to write this, so I honestly couldn’t help but write this down, and I hope it won’t be too much!

(Alongside the fact that “Lolita”, “Off The Races”, “Put Me In A Movie” by Lana del Rey have been on my youtube playlist since for-freaking-ever...).

Also the title is inspired by “Lolita” and it is nothing more than a quotation of a book that a truly appreciate for his writing style, which if you have read doesn’t glamorize any kind of relationship between an older man and a child, so please don’t make a shitstorm for that.

Reader in this case is an adult, since she is completely legal, being 22.

This was just a little disclaimer, because I know it might be controversial, and if anybody feels even slightly offended by it, just let me know!

Much love!

SUMMARY: It was supposed to be a  “bright new start”, but apaprently it is much easier than it seems to go back to your previous life, mostly when your sister’s husband seems so attractive...

WORDS: 9 K.

WARNINGS:

Older! Man+Younger! Girl (Trevor according to me is either 36-40, meanwhile Reader is 22), Mention of Child Neglect and Domestic Abuse (alongside attempts of Sexual Assault), General Violence and Use of Drugs, Daddy Issues, Seducing an Older! Man, Mention of Reader’s past as a sex worker, Fingering and Oral Sex (Male-Female Receiving), PTSD, Nudity.Vulgarities.

Being Margaret Booth’s sister wasn’t an easy thing.

The big age gape had made you always take a deep distance from the other, but honestly the more they went on, the more she didn’t want to be associated with that psycho.

After Margaret’s traumatic experience at Camp Redwood, the first one, their parents’ attention had been all on her, not matter how much she cried or asked for it, as a small child in need of her parents’ help.

She remembered perfectly the night when her stomach had hurt terribly and she had cried till it had given her an headache, meanwhile her parents comforted her older sister from a nightmare, completely ignoring her, she had had to call the ambulance herself and at the hospital she had discovered her appendix had busted open.

When the social services had asked her why her parents hadn’t taken her themselves to the hospital, she had lied, not wanting to be separated by them and the silent abuse had perpetuated but the more she grew up the more she found herself to search the lacking attention, everywhere outside home.

Older men were her favorites: she had once fucked one and he had left her a good grand on the bedside table of the dirty motel they had met at, and she had felt that rush of adrenaline that got her to become an escort for older men.

They doted on her desperately and she was good at fucking and listening to them.

It might have seemed an ideal paradise, but it hadn’t lasted: any of the man she “doted” upon seemed to have a flaw.

Jack had gambling debts and whenever he would be with her, he would steal some of her money and she was unable to say anything.

Bill liked to snort coke off her body, and he had tried desperately to get her hooked up on it, no matter how many times she told him she wouldn’t ruin her pretty head for it.

Kent was the worst: he was the reason why she was going back to her sister’s house.

He was violent, but he was the lover she had loved the most, desperately letting him control every single aspect of her life, alongside quitting her escort career, to move with him and the first days were idyllic.

She had had the best 21st birthday party ever and the following day she was in hospital, avoiding brain damage just because the police had been alerted by the hosts of the party promptly.

Kent had tried to smash her head against the wall, after he had seen her “drunkenly flirting” with one of the guests.

She hadn’t been able to press charges but somehow Kent had never talked to her, and she was pretty sure it was all due to Margaret, who had chosen to take care of her, as the good Samaritan.

She didn’t understand this change of heart, so suddenly made by Margaret.

They had always had this cold distance and she knew perfectly that her Jesus-fearing sister didn’t approve of her life, promiscuous and disgusting as she thought it was.

But she had been there once she had woken up from the hospital and had helped her through the rehabilitation eventually asking her to move in with her.

“… I just feel so guilty for stealing your childhood, sweetie” she had commented, as if she knew half of the things she had gone through “… come home with me, little sister”.

She hadn’t been able to say no, since she usually relied totally on the met she met with and fucked, and without Kent she had no home and money, hence… she would have been homeless.

It was better to stay in her psycho-sister’s house than the open air.

She had come home with Margaret on the day they had dismissed her, although she hadn’t completely healed, since headaches and nightmares plagued her mind.

“Welcome home” uttered Margaret, opening the door for her and showing her an extremely elegant sitting room, extremely modern and distasteful, but what could she have expected?

“Thank you, Margaret, I would like to sleep a bit, so if you don’t mind, can you show me my room?” she honestly just wanted to move in her room, settle the few things she had owned in her small suitcase and then sleep a bit, but Margaret promptly grabbed her arm, stopping her in her tracks-

“Listen to me, little tramp” oh here comes the Jesus-fearing bitch, hadn’t she missed her “… if you want to live under my house, there are some few rules: you don’t bring your “dates” here, I won’t let you desecrate my temple!”.

It took all her strength not to laugh in her face, but she just smirked a bit, nodding softly.

“… you stick to your room and don’t go out unless I tell you to” and then Margaret grabbed her chin in her hands, tightening the grip enough that she found herself panicking a bit, making her remember Kent’s bruising hands “… don’t embarrass me more than you have already done… “.

And she immediately left her chin, pushing her slightly, after she brushed away imaginary dirt from her elegant clothes fixing them and her own smile, gently leaning down to kiss her sister’s cheek, before she moved away, calling over a maid to show her the way.

She had been able to take a quick shower, at least her room had a bath linked to it, since it seemed to be the smallest one, something that she honestly didn’t like, but she knew better than to ask her sister for more, mostly after the little “discourse” they had had.

She honestly needed to get a grip on her life, in order for her to move away as soon as she could.

She had worked through her teen years before her “career” took over, but she hadn’t been able to attend college, since not only it made her anxious and nervous, but also, she was addicted to those men’s attention and when she “fell” for them, she devoted herself to them.

What a shitty life, had she chosen?

She was brushing her hair to dry them, simply dressed in a cotton nightgown she had found on her bed, definitely more modest than the ones she had owned, but the color gave her some kind of innocent allure.

When she moved to drop the towel in the bathroom, she found the door opening, without knocking.

She immediately turned around, as a deer in the headlights, scared that it might have been Margaret, and annoyed by the thought that somebody wouldn’t respect her privacy.

But it wasn’t Margaret.

It was a man.

Even worse.

Her heart started beating roughly and she found herself holding her hand out towards the handle of the door of the bathroom thinking that if she rushed she might hide behind it, but the man, almost as if sensing her nervousness immediately, raised his hands, trying to show that he wasn’t a threat.

“You must be (Y/N)” he commented, his tone was nice and sweet, clearly trying to calm down “… Margaret’s sister”.

“You surprised me” she simply mumbled, not knowing who this stranger was and keeping her hand onto the handle onto the bathroom door.

“I should have knocked” he muttered, clearly seeing her trembling “… I am Trevor Kirchner, Margaret’s husband”.

Margaret had never mentioned a second husband, in her visits.

So, she was a bit suspicious, but with the way he moved and acted he seemed not to want to scare her, and she relaxed a bit.

“… Margaret never talked about you” she simply uttered, and pushed herself to sit onto the bed, moving towards the little bottle of lotion she had managed to sneak away from Kent’s house, the smell of honey and roses intoxicating and comforting for her.

She tried to act nonchalantly, calming softly her nerves with the usual gestures, and immediately Trevor’s gaze shifted onto her legs, where she was smearing the lotion, and this didn’t go unnoticed from her, who took this time to analyze him better.

He was certainly charming, although some of his charm seemed ruined, shadowed by life and with the way his arms and legs moved spasmodically she knew it was drugs, and she couldn’t help but pout a little.

She would have gladly fucked him, before Kent.

Maybe just to spite Margaret.

“… she never talked about you either, till a week ago” he replied sassily, moving his eyes way from your shiny legs, as you pushed your arms up, as with them slightly your breast showcasing them more, in an act of subtle seduction that got Trevor quite engrossed, although he tried not show it “… just wanted to meet you and say that you are welcome to stay as long as you like”.

“I am staying here till I get a grip on my life” she stated, but Trevor just smirked at you, as if he didn’t believe you, as if he had said something like that to himself “… can you leave me alone? I prefer to do my beauty routine all alone, without creepy men staring at me”.

Most of her first week at the Booth Manor had been passed in her room, joining Margaret and Trevor only for dinner, when she felt like it.

When she didn’t, she just didn’t eat.

But at the start of the second week she felt bit better and most importantly due to the warmth of that summer day and the sunny weather she had thought about a little dive in Margaret’s tacky pool, although she didn’t own a bikini.

She hadn’t wanted to ask her sister, mostly due to the fact that Margaret had treated her like she was invisible and because she knew what kind of bikini her sister owned: matronly to say the least.

In the end, she had dipped into the water in her nightgown, a cotton white, very simple in details and puffy on the “sensitive zones”, such as her stomach and  her breasts, but as the water drenched her body, the fabric immediately attached itself to her body, revealing her skin.

She was enjoying a few breaststrokes in the water, when she heard a low whistle and realized that Trevor was leaning onto the swimming pool’s side, lounging onto it in a costume that showcased his “best attribute”.

She didn’t mind him any attention doing a few more laps around the pool, till she had enough, and another migraine hit her, making her quickly exit the pool, and reach out for her towel.

Which had been brought around herself with much care and when she opened her eyes, a bit comforted by the warm hug, she found Trevor gently helping her, and not looking at her almost naked body.

“Is everything alright, (Y/N)?” he asked, seriously worried and she promptly pushed away from him, quickly sitting on one of the sunbathing chair on the side of the pool, trying to regain a bit of composure.

“It’s just a headache, I strained myself today” she mumbled, meanwhile she adjusted her drenched hair and tried to stop her legs from trembling.

“Margaret said that you tend to have some headaches… can I do something about it?” he asked softly, and gently moving closer and she couldn’t help but wonder why he was like this.

He was certainly attracted to her: she had seen the way his stare lingered onto her, but he never dared, and she was sure it wasn’t out of respect or faithfulness to her sister.

She had heard them fight, and during those times her head would be hidden under the pillow, memory of Kent in her mind flashing and her tears rushing down.

“… just stop talking…” she uttered sharply, seeing Trevor’s mouth move onto a straight line, clearly displeased, before he moved away and entered the swimming pool, effectively leaving her alone.

An hour later she was back inside, but she was unable to stop watching Trevor from her window, the way he brushed his hair away wet and drenched and the way little drops of water caught fire in his skin as light hit them.

This would end badly.

By her third week with her sister, she understood perfectly why Margaret had brought her there.

She had thrown a party to celebrate some kind of business milestone and had paraded her sister as a rescue case, constantly getting praised for her good heart and kindness.

“Oh Margaret, you truly are a saint” they muttered, meanwhile she simply smiled behind her glass of champagne, hoping they could serve something heavier, just as Trevor did, whenever he would excuse himself to snort some coke, in his office.

Already, after only an hour since the charity event had started, she was damnably bored.

And wasn’t the only one.

The man she picked out was dressed elegantly, jeweled cufflinks, linking a sober attire that seemed the incarnation of purity and bigotry.

He wasn’t so chaste as she went down her knees and bobbed her head up and down around his length till his release stained her pretty red lips.

It was the little pick up she had needed, and she quickly turned towards the elegant marble sink to clean her face, but he quickly got ahold of her arm and pushed her to face him again.

She honestly didn’t find him in the slightest attractive anymore: his red face had a terrific smile and she felt dirty and used.

“Don’t expect me to let you go after you blew me as a pro, I bet that you fuck even better”.

Everything that Kent had done to her, before almost killing suddenly came back and her fought as the man tried to drag her back in the little bathroom cubicle, but he quickly shut her up, with one hand, meanwhile the other went between her legs, under her gown, hastily pushing down her panties.

He pumped himself a few times, but before he could penetrate her, some force rammed into him and he was pushed onto the ground and when her eyes finally focused, she realized it had been Trevor.

Almost ashamed, she rushed to push her panties back in place and adjust her dress, meanwhile the man screamed against Trevor.

She knew he would fucking judge her an whore.

“What the fuck, man?!”.

“She didn’t want you, Carl, you were fucking forcing yourself on her” he shot back, before picking up the little shit from the floor, and pushing him towards the exit, his pants still undone and his face red “… and if you so much as try to utter something, remember about that pre-nup with your wife… she’ll fucking ruin you, for having cheated on her”.

The man went immediately from red to white and before she knew it, he pushed himself back in control and exited hastily the bathroom, muttering something about “whores being fucking bitches”.

She rushed again to the sink, this time it wasn’t to check her lipstick, but she threw up into it, although she hadn’t eaten much, so nothing but liquid came out of her mouth, a truly disgusting show, but Trevor gently rubbed her back, holding back her hair, and uttering gentle encouragement.

He was nice enough to collect a bit of hygienic paper to clean her mouth, totally smearing her red lipstick, the only exception to Margaret’s modesty rule on her outfit, but effectively cleaning her up.

It was such a gentle gesture that it broke her.

“Get the fuck away from me” she ushered, slurring it as soon as she felt like she could walk away without her legs shaking “… leave me the fuck alone”.

Trevor sent her a bewildered look, one that told her that he didn’t understand her.

Well, he wasn’t the only one.

She had spent the following night, not sleeping just staring at the roof and crying.

Why was she like this?

Why did she feel this morbid need to screw somebody to feel better?

… and to push away anybody who was remotely gentle to her…

She didn’t join Margaret for breakfast, but she eventually went down the stairs to collect something to eat since her troubled stomach was grumbling loudly and she knew that death by starving was a bad look on her.

Not to talk about the fact that it would just take too long.

No, she needed something quick.

She caught Margaret on the threshold, with too many suitcases for a single person, and she immediately smirked as she saw her.

She was low key grateful that Trevor hadn’t uttered anything about catching her blowing some of their friends and then having a mental breakdown.

“.. this week I’ll be on a trip” she commented, cheerily “… the newest haunted house just ready for Halloween!”.

She faked being happy for her sister, before she turned to her mission, collecting something easy to eat, thinking about how she was stuck there with Trevor.

Had he ever cheated on her sister?

She hadn’t noticed any maid sneaking in and out of his “office” or any pretty young thing looking at him with malice.

Meanwhile she was thinking this, she heard knocking onto the kitchen’s walls, and when she turned around she saw Trevor looking at her as if he had found her a wounded animal, not knowing how to approach it.

But she was thankful he had knocked.

And pushed one of the sandwiches she had been doing towards him, a peace-offering.

“Oh no, sweetheart” he commented pushing it back to her “… you need to eat, you look like a scarecrow”.

This got him a playful fist to the side, which he faked had hurt him.

It was such a light moment that she honestly let out a laugh.

This seemed to take aback Trevor, as if he had heard the angelic voice of God.

“… by the way, since Margaret is not here I thought we could go out shopping” he mumbled, a bit shy, as if he was sure she would shoot down his idea “… you can’t go around with those nightgowns, and certainly can’t swim in them”.

She didn’t know why but the shyness in his voice intensified as he muttered the “nightgown” part gaining a smirk from her, and her hands gently traced the light patterns of her nightgown, indeed.

The cotton of it had brushed against her nipples enough to make them bloom in pebbles and she knew that he could see them, although he avoided to look straight up at her body.

“What is wrong with my nightgown?” she asked, feigning innocent, meanwhile he released a light laugh to hide his embarrassment.

“Just think about the heart-attack that we’ll give Margaret once she receives the notice of how much we spent”.

He didn’t have to say anymore.

She was used to men showing off her body, whenever she tried on clothes for them.

They didn’t want anything more than a quickie in the changing room and a pretty girl who smiled for them and wore pretty things.

But strangely with Trevor it was somehow fun: he constantly commented and made her wear the most absurd dresses, muttering about how much she looked ridiculous, just for her to do the same till the shopping clerks had enough of them and threw them out… kindly…

She hadn’t had this much fun… since ever.

They went to lunch to some fast-food place, something that got her to utter:

“Aren’t we supposed to be rich? We can do better than McDonald’s”.

Just for him to shot back as he stole some her fries:

“Is that sarcasm? Because I thought it was your usual tone”.

She just pouted a bit, kicking him under the table but he smirked, eating up his hamburger meanwhile she picked around her food, knowing she needed to speak up.

“… I am sorry for last night” she thought about ripping the band-aid immediately “… I don’t know what came onto me…”.

He stopped holding up a hand, to calm her rushing tone.

“It was the trauma, and I know about it…” he spoke as if it pained him to talk about this “…I was a survivor at Camp Redwood, one of the three alongside Margaret and Brooke”.

She knew that story all too well since Margaret didn’t lose any occasion to remind everybody about the fact that she had survived a camp murder spree not once but twice.

But Trevor, unlike her, seemed like he wanted to forget.

Hence the need for coke.

“… there are some things that make us feel that way and I am not going to judge you for that” he explained as if he got her and the way his eyes were shadowed, as if he was worried about something on his mind “… but if you ever need to talk…”.

“Margaret will pay me a good psychoanalyst” she replied, trying to shift the tense area that was created, although she shot a thankful smile on Trevor’s way, who moved onto slurping his drink.

“… that is the spirit” he commented but his tone was too serious “… if you have money, you can have anything”.

After lunch they were supposed to move away back home, mostly because she was again getting a migraine, but she was unable to stop herself from wanting to visit a bookstore again.

She hadn’t visited many, during her life with Kent, mostly segregated in the “trophy wife” role, so she couldn’t help but brush eagerly her hand through the papers, meanwhile Trevor had gone to the bathroom, asking her not to run away, in the meanwhile.

But she couldn’t help but move through the shelves checking out the newest releases and choosing a few to read meanwhile she looked out to the glasses outside the shop to check on Trevor, but she quickly become too engrossed on an illustrated version of “Little Women” by Louisa May Alcott, one of her favorite books.

She related to Jo on a personal level, remembering her all about the possible dreams she had had about becoming a journalist and a novelist, when she still thought that there was hope in the world.

She was so interested in the re-reading that she didn’t realize that Trevor who hadn’t found her outside. had gone in the bookshop and was gently shaking her, trying not to scare her.

“Hey, found anything interesting?” he asked, eyeing the book and she pushed it closed, immediately rushing to push it back on its original shelf, but Trevor stopped her, collecting the book and moving towards the cash desk, extracting his wallet “… you want to get only this one…”.

Clothes were one thing: she needed them, mostly if Margaret wanted to parade her as her personal corgi.

But books… books were something that made her almost nervous to be gifted, it was a window on her soul she couldn’t accept, and couldn’t let Trevor stare into, but he hadn’t seemed to mind, instead pushing Margaret’s card to the clerk, smirking gently at him.

When they walked away, she was holding a few more packages, Trevor carrying the rest, almost as if they were some kind of happy couple, finally coming back home.

It had been a truly good day, one of the first since she had opened eyes, and she made sure to say so to Trevor: she might still think that he was hiding her something, but she definitely couldn’t help but feel a bit soft around him.

“Thank you, it was a nice day” she thanked him, taking the little bag of books in her hands to try to hide her secret from him, and he smirked, gently caressing her face, and strangely she leaned herself into that simple touch.

“Don’t mention it, I have to say you are the funny sister” he giggled, and she found herself blushing.

“… you are the first one who ever thought this”.

The night she and Trevor had decided to treat themselves to a nice dinner outside in an expensive restaurant, mostly for her to try out the newest outfit she had bought big shoulder-pads with sequins and a tiny waist, giving the perfect hourglass figure, in a very fashionable style.

She almost looked like when she hanged onto older men’s arms, who showed her as if she was  their newest Rolex.

She was almost expensive as one.

“… don’t you think that they will talk about this?” she asked, almost worried: she didn’t want her sister to kick her out because she was standing too close to her boytoy.

“Not if we leave the waiters a huge tip” he replied, making her smirk, meanwhile he helped her out of the car, gentlemanly giving her his arm to hold her close to him, meanwhile they strutted inside.

Dinner was nice, and she was used to this kind of elegant setting, falling back in her charming persona, after a good chalice of wine, which Trevor continued on pouring, insisting on the fact that it made her almost funny.

“… well it almost makes you handsome, so…”.

“Aren’t you supposed to be nice with family?” he retorted, meanwhile he played around with the food in his plate, almost as if he couldn’t focus on it, as she, instead, tried to cut perfectly what she had chosen, into tiny bites.

“Are you my family, Trevor Kirchner?” she replied, sending him a slight glance, under her eyes, almost teasing him.

“I married your sister, or did the wine already get to your head?” but his retort was stopped short, as her legs brushed against his, the silkiness of the stockings she wore against his elegant dress pants, making her laugh loudly at his stunned surprise “… yeah the wine got to your head”.

“Did Margaret tell you what I did before I come to you” she didn’t know if it was the wine talking or the fact that strangely she felt nice, almost comfortable with Trevor.

Alongside the fact that she wanted to fuck him desperately.

Before dinner she had spent a good hour igniting a soft fire in her most private parts, gently touching them and caressing her skin till she reached a lazy and aching orgasm, thinking about him doing it to her.

She couldn’t deny that no matter how much she tried she was attracted by him.

And without no inhibitions she just couldn’t stop her blabbering mouth.

“I got paid to sleep with men…” she linked their eyes together, and pushed her legs apart under the table “… but I had a type you see, I liked old men, older than boys, and they would pay me with nice things”.

“I didn’t know, (Y/N)” his voice was dark, definitely lower and aggressive, asking for more, almost desperately.

“… I liked it, I liked the attention, the gifts, the lavish lifestyle…” she continued, meanwhile she adjusted herself onto the chair, unable to sit straight “… but nobody fucking loved me, isn’t it such a horrible thing”.

“Sweetheart, you are…” Trevor seemed almost confused about what to do, she could feel that he was aroused, but also, he somehow had reigned himself back in control from the state he had gone in, after her confession, as if he pitied her.

“I don’t need your pity” she replied, harshly hissing through her teeth and quitting all her movements, instead reaching out for the wine glass, which Trevor took from her hands.

“I think it is enough” his tone was stern, and before she knew it, he was by her side, helping her up, although she protested, attracting quite the attention.

She seriously hoped the thing about tipping the waiters to keep them quiet was true.

He pushed her into the car, definitely with much more force than when he had helped her out, saying to the driver to rush them home and she immediately pushed herself away from him, almost burned from his sudden reaction.

“(Y/N)…” he tried to call her, but she kept on facing the window, looking out at the cold night, since it started raining and she pushed herself to look at the way the little droplets moved down the window of the car, letting it all lull you in a comfortable nap.

She was awoken by soft arms, pushing her into them, and when she opened her eyes, she found Trevor looking down at her, he seemed worried, but this time there was no pity, which made her wonder if there ever had been.

“… is your head hurting you?” he asked, treating her as if she hadn’t just confessed to him that she was a prostitute and that she had a thing for older men.

She shook her head, lightly pushing herself to bring him closer to her, tightening the grip onto his shoulder, finding comfort in that gentle contact and letting him lead her inside, cradling her closer to his chest and once they were inside he let her gently and softly down, holding her close, till he felt like she was steady again.

He then moved to leave her, but she tightened the grip onto his hand, bringing him back towards her and before she knew it her lips were onto his.

Her hand gently but steadily shifted onto his shirt, already opening the buttons she could slip an hand inside, meanwhile the other slung onto his neck, to bring him closer.

His hand shot up to her thin waist, caressing softly her hips, almost to gently reassure her to keep going.

A thunder shook them apart and realization shone in Trevor’s eyes and as she pushed him closer, he pushed her away.

“Babygirl, we can’t…” she didn’t even stay enough for him to finish.

It was always the same.

For the rest of the entire week she had avoided Trevor, as much as she could in a house in which they were all alone, except for the service maids, with whom she had developed some kind of strange friendship, to spite Trevor.

She spent most days off in her room reading and writing, mostly keeping a diary, but starting again with poetry, writing a few lines.

Even the silliest helped the confusion in her mind.

And they helped her mind going off the swift rejection she had received from Trevor still fresh and hurting.

She was low key glad when Margaret came back, although their first dinner was tense and she was more than happy to get away to the swimming pool, this time with a proper bikini, a red one, which fit her physique and as she dipped back in the water she finally felt like she was breathing freely, away from anything.

She emerged and found two brown eyes following her: Trevor.

She took her sweet time, with a few more laps, hoping he would be annoyed by the time she exited the pool, but suddenly she felt cold and to avoid getting a flu she immediately exited the pool, trying to avoid Trevor, but he quickly moved towards her.

“Can we talk, (Y/N)” he pleaded, but you simply covered yourself with your robe “… or are you going to continue to avoid me?”.

She turned around with violence, suddenly a frenzy anger taking over her.

“I am not the one who pushed away, firstly” she replied spitefully, pushing him away, with a shove of her shoulder, seeing his eyes brighten with surprise “…  I am not the one who refused, I am only doing what you asked me to”.

“Would you let me explain?” he screamed, almost as if he was tired of this argument.

Oh, she had just started.

She surprised him again, gently pushing herself closer to him, their faces so close that their lips brushed again and her hateful eyes became slightly honey, in a deer-eyed expression of purity and want for him, her legs pushed themselves between his pants, completely touching his screaming manhood, wetting it even.

“… I don’t want you to explain” she replied, her voice pointing out each word “… I just want you to fuck me”.

And as she had moved closer to him, she moved away, quickly grabbing the towel she had brought with her, and moving lightly her hips to a non-existent music.

And like this she ran away from him.

It was a week later, when Margaret was away on her trips, that Trevor did the first move, knocking on her door, meanwhile she was finishing her latest poem, which she hid quickly under her pillows, worried that it might be Margaret who had come home earlier.

But again, it was just Trevor.

She didn’t want to say that their relationship had changed, although they had been both civil with each other more for Margaret’s pleasure than because they had worked their issues.

Closer They were cold to each other, if Margaret wasn’t around.

Or better she would be as cold as ice with Trevor, although it didn’t stop her from teasing him, bending a little when she was stretching herself out in her red bikini or bringing her cleavage to be shown more through her new nightgown, a scrap of dark blue lace, much more provocative than her cotton ones.

And Trevor would just look at her as a kicked puppy.

“Caught you off guard, sweetie?” he asked with a poisonous edge to the “sweetie” part, which got her to huff, and adjust herself more comfortably onto her bed, showing off her legs.

“Stop using petnames” she mumbled instead, giving him zero attention, picking up the magazine the maid had left in her room “… it’s annoying”.

“… you just don’t look very like a (Y/N)” he replied, settling beside her and she still gave him no attention, but he grabbed her chin, raising it so their eyes would meet “… you look more like a little girl to me”.

“Ah ah, very funny” she mumbled drily, trying to get out of the grip, but it didn’t work, mostly because Trevor silenced her sarcasm, kissing her.

She immediately tried to rush the kiss, licking his upper lip, and opening her mouth, but Trevor seemed to like taking his time, gently brushing his lips against her own, at first against her upper lip, and then the lower one, before his lips separated themselves from hers.

But they stayed near her, wanting her to beg for more.

But after Kent, she didn’t beg anyone.

Her kiss was more aggressive, but she tried to keep it teasing, nibbling onto his upper lip, and pulling it between her teeth, releasing it with a pop, and pushing herself away.

“… what made you change your mind?” she asked, meanwhile Trevor moved closer to her, pushing himself onto her bed and cornering her gently against the wall “… aren’t you afraid of my sister finding out about us?”.

“As if I would ever give a fuck about that bitch” he replied, and sincerely showed up in his eyes, but if it wasn’t enough, he gently pushed an hand between her hair, bringing her close and gently kissing her cheek “… it’s just, things are going to be complicated with me”.

“I don’t give a fuck about all that, I just want a nice fuck” she retorted, her legs opening beneath him and bringing herself closer so that she could whisper in her ear “… can you do that?”.

Trevor just smirked and before she knew it she was laid onto the bed, with him gently pushing up her nightgown to reveal her baby blue underwear, matching with a lighter tone her nightgown.

“… you just have to say, please, sweetheart” he simply mumbled, meanwhile his voice was muffled by soft nibbling at her exposed thighs, brushing his moustache against it “… you have driven me crazy”.

Her fingers immediately tangled itself in the sheets underneath her, meanwhile she tried to buckle herself up to be more close to him, but Trevor quickly pushed her back, plunging his fingers into her hips, to keep her steady on the mattress against him.

But they shifted their position quickly: one finger started prodding over her panties, as if he was making sure that she was wet enough, as if he wanted to learn the ways of her body.

“… were you already this wet, before I came in the room?” he asked, his voice appearing closer to her head and as she opened her eyes, she found him staring at her as if he was worshipping a goddess, looking at her with intensity and decision, meanwhile his finger didn’t stop his attentive ministrations “… or was this because of me?”.

“Don’t flatter yourself too much, old man” she replied, refusing to surrender herself to him so easily and he simply smirked, before he laid a soft kiss onto her forehead, something that her previous lovers had never done and it low key…

… it low key made her feel almost cherished.

Trevor’s finger dipped under her panties, simply playing with the hair he found underneath there, them moving back to teasing her over her panties.

And then back in them.

And then back outside of them.

In a teasing torture that brought her to whine pathetically.

“Is this too much for you, sweetie?” he taunted her, but she didn’t give up, spreading even more her legs, and letting him do her bidding, meanwhile her head turned to face the pillow, her hair a total mess around her “… don’t you want some relief, pretty girl?”.

She did desperately and Trevor knew it, gently dragging her panties down thighs, something that surprised her extremely: he wasn’t treating her as fine china, with his constant teasing, but the soft little attentions he gave her, made her feel damnably alive.

Almost as if he cared about her.

As if it was more than just sex.

He finally gave up to her desire and pushed a finger inside her.

The intrusion, although not unwelcome, was slightly unpleasant, since it had been quite some time since she had last taken something inside of her, but she tried her best to avoid showing anything on her face.

But still Trevor caught on her discomfort, and stilled his movement, backing up a bit, so that he wouldn’t be overwhelming her.

“… is everything alright, little one? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asked, again… strangely caringly.

“No no….” she tried not to blush, like a virgin “… it’s just been a long time since I last have done this”.

She almost thought that Trevor would make fun of her, but he just grabbed her hand and softly brought it to his lips.

“We are going to take it slow, lovely… don’t worry” he calmed her down softly, treating her with the most kindness she had ever been reserved, and she was just able to nod speechless “… just give me a minute and I’ll make it all better”.

He then lowered himself till he was between her legs, and before she knew it, his lips were onto her clit, suckling it softly at first, wanting to get her used to sensation, although she was unable to stop a soft moan from leaving her mouth, and then with more force sucking the delicate pearl in his mouth, till he engulfed it completely.

And as he felt her shiver pleasantly under him, he started moving his fingers, wetness oozing onto it, and collecting in the little pathway between her ass and cunt, in a creamy liquid, that Trevor licked clean with a quick play of his tongue, once his finger exited her, collecting all her wetness.

And then he re-entered her again, pushing two fingers inside her, and although it was again so sudden, she adjusted more quickly, buckling up and down onto them and onto Trevor’s rough face, his moustache leaving traces onto her thighs and folds, and she could have sworn he was smirking proudly at her.

He moved his fingers inside of her, at first without too much force, and then scissoring them inside her to spread her more, since he, himself, felt the tightness of her walls, slowly crumbling apart due to his attentive ministration.

And when he curled his finger into her, she basically found herself losing herself completely to him and her fingers quickly grappled his wrist, pushing it to stay inside of her, and he just smirked at her, again kissing her forehead and holding her, meanwhile trembles went through her.

“Just let go, lovely, I am here for you” and she did, watching him in the eyes, meanwhile he brought her over the edge with his mouth a breath away from her womanhood, and his fingers in her, letting her ride the orgasm till she had enough.

Sensitive and shaking she pushed him slightly away and Trevor quickly understood her need, and moved away a bit, but he kept watching her, analyzing whether she wanted his help or not.

But as soon as her orgasm finished, and pleasure didn’t obscure her brain anymore, she moved closer to him, searching lazily his lips, mostly to distract him from the hand that went into his pants pushing itself onto his belt, wanting to unlatch it.

But he stopped her.

“What do you want to do, babygirl?” he asked, almost surprised as if he didn’t understand what you had in mind “… you don’t have to”.

“Well the fact is… “ she unlatched her belt, and then pushed it away, lowering his pants, without a single look at anything, finding herself with a very evident bulge in her face, barely contained in his red boxers “… I want to”.

And then her hand came onto his dick, teasing him over his pants as he had done with her, feeling him whine pathetically against her, who simply smirked, meanwhile she continued her teasing, slipping him outside of the boxers just as he started begging her, a constant plead of mercy, that made her feel strong and in power.

And in control.

She smirked as she lowered onto his dick, a majestic one, definitely the biggest she had ever had and the thought of trying to envelop it all, made her nervous, but she didn’t waste time, at first teasing him with kittenish lick, and then gently plopping her lips around the tip, gently teasing it, meanwhile Trevor shifted forward, his hand going up to her hair, but immediately he retreated them, almost scared.

She pushed his cock out of her mouth, with a slick “pop”, gently letting him tangle his fingers in her hair.

“You don’t have to be gentle” she mumbled, meanwhile he softly huffed slightly annoyed “… I am a big girl, I can take it”.

“Can you” he retorted back, but was shut up as she gripped him tighter in her hand, literally holding him by his dick, before she ended again enveloping him, pushing herself even more through her limits and swallowing more, till it hit the back of her throat and she had to grip the ground, trying to calm herself and relax.

In the meanwhile, Trevor had pushed his hands in her hair again, but putting it softly, mostly pushing it away from her mouth and face, in a soft ponytail, loose enough not to hurt her, but steady enough that he helped her taking the rhythm, till she found one on her own, comfortable enough that the sensation almost soothed her.

And so did to Trevor, and she had to remind him, gently bruising her teeth against his cock, making him startle, meanwhile her eyes sparkled maliciously.

“Beauty, let me come” he mumbled, because she had kept him on the edge quite a bit, with a gentle stimulation, but she knew he had had enough and she moved herself to do that trick with her tongue, pushing her tongue under the underside of his dick, probing it till she found the right spot and a salty taste invaded her mouth.

It was so sudden that she had to retreat quickly and some of his seed stained her nightgown and her mouth, which she quickly tried to clean up with the back of her hand, but Trevor was quickly and cleaned up with a little tissue, attentively not to leave any stains.

She couldn’t help but feel a bit like a child.

Then Trevor pushed himself gently against her, kissing her forehead, before he gently pushed himself even closer to her, raising her nightgown, and although some alarms went off in her, she let him take her nightgown off, her body not tampered anymore by any livid.

He kissed her tasting himself deeply, his taste still lingering in his mind, and he then pushed his hand to gentle caress her pebbling nipple and her swollen breasts.

“… you made me feel so good, babe” he mumbled softly, nosing her neck and then whispering in her ear, meanwhile he shifted her in his laps, and there everything went off.

She pushed him off, sweat dripping down her back meanwhile Trevor collided with the ground, achingly moaning out of pain and she swiftly moved off the bed to check up on him.

“Shit, babe, I would have preferred you just said stop” he mumbled as she helped him up.

“I am so so sorry, Trevor” she tried to apologize, helping him back onto his feet “I swear I don’t know what overcame me”.

“Sweetheart, don’t worry” he sighed gently, trying to push her a bit closer, checking with her whether she felt like being held or not “… I just hope that I wasn’t the one who hurt you”.

“No no you didn’t” she mumbled , meanwhile she gently adjusted herself, allowing him to bring her onto his laps, as she decked herself up in an elegant robe in order to shelter her modesty, meanwhile Trevor gently held her in his arms “… you don’t know you why I am here, do you?”.

“Just that you were in hospital, before” he replied innocently, but suddenly his face became more worried, and she honestly felt like he was caring desperately for her, and that this would hurt double if not triple when she final realized it was all so fake.

“… I was put in the hospital, actually” she corrected him and found a sudden anger being harbored in his eyes, but she kept herself from thinking about it “… a year ago, I decided to quit the escort life, because I thought I had found someone who would love me, Kent… but, oh boy was I wrong”-

Trevor didn’t even smirk at her poor attempt to humor, but brought her close, since she had started slowly trembling.

“Little one, you don’t have to continue…” he tried to calm her, but she just smirked sadly at him.

“… no no I want to” she replied, gently hugging herself “…I ditched my life to live with Kent, he said he loved me, and I actually did love him, but… then he started being more violent”.

“At first, he was just possessive, which wasn’t so bad to me, didn’t it mean that he cared for me?”.

“He had never been truly violent, he would grip me tighter and have me have sex with me, although I wasn’t in the mood, but… I owed it to him, he took care of me and I never gave him anything, back”.

“Sweetie, you don’t owe people anything, nor sex, nor your body, nor your time” stopped her discourse Trevor, moving her to look at him in the eyes “… do you understand me?”

He waited for her to nod, before he let her continue.

“On my 21st birthday, he thought I had flirted with this dude, I actually didn’t, I was just being gentle with him, but for him… I was cheating in front of his eyes, making fun of him in front of all his friends, and this wouldn’t just do” she couldn’t help but move back at that night: the way her dress had shifted meanwhile she had tried to move around the room to avoid being hit by the objects thrown to her by Kent “… he slapped me, and I started crying, telling him I wanted out, he didn’t love me anymore…”.

“… he just smirked back at me and told me that he had never loved a fucking shit about me, ‘I was just a fucking good fuck’ and he then proceeded to undress me, to…” her voice broke and she felt Trevor trembling around her, rage coursing through him, but it was in no way directed to her, whom he continued to caress softly, as if petting a scared bird “… he couldn’t, he had drunk too much and I was able to fight him off, but just when I was trying to get my back, he got me from behind, and he started choking me”.

“He almost smashed my head against the wall” her body was suddenly shaken by sobs and Trevor cooed her softly “… I thought I was going to die, but then I heard the ambulance, the guests had been alerted by the screams and they had called the police…”.

Margaret had been alerted by the hospital and she had woken up to her sister’s blonde halo and this constant pain in her head.

The migraine a long-lost sign of anything she had gone through and survived.

She gently leaned onto Trevor’s naked chest, there listening to his soft heartbeat, meanwhile she was lulled to sleep, by that and the soft caress he kept donning to her head.

Truly sleeping peacefully.

The following day, she woke up before Trevor, and although she didn’t regret what had happened the previous night and she didn’t have to worry about Margaret catching them.

Still she didn’t want the maid to worry about the entire thing, since she might end up referring everything to her sister.

That wouldn’t just do.

She had breakfast alone, although she found herself pleasantly enjoying the soft pain between her legs, and the pleasurable ache that went through her as she shifted, taking her time, to choose what she wanted to have, peeling the apple she had chosen and gently waiting for her tea to cool down.

Every attempt to keep her body calm was brought down by a soft hand gently touching her shoulder, not wanting to startle her, showing a smirking Trevor, dressed in that horridly ridiculous pink robe which made her raise her eyebrows, annoyed.

“…started without me, lovely?” his voice dripped with a sexual undertone, she didn’t give too much thought, sending him an annoyed smirk, before he brought her lips to meet his, in a soft “goodmorning kiss” that made her ache for more, wanting to throw away everything that was in the table and let him lay her down on it…

Alongside that she couldn’t just discard the feeling of warmth in her chest.

She had had anything she had wanted and some more…

… it was that “more” that worried her.

“We have to be careful, Trevor” she had to remind him, once their lips parted, but he kept them close to his “… the maids and personal staff might see”.

He giggled, softly setting beside her, his hand gently setting onto her thigh, barely exposed by the new nightgown she had changed in that morning: a beautiful light pink silky thing that complimented her complexion.

“C’mon, babe, I know all the timetables of the people working here, and I know that we could have a quickie on this table and still have some time for something more” she blushed at his bold mention, pushing him lightly away with her shoulder “… you are so cute when you blush”.

She tried not to blush even more, but she didn’t think it as physical possible, mostly when Trevor Kirchner looked at her as if he wanted nothing else but you.

Although he knew how broken she was.

“… and about last night” could he read in other people’s mind “… I’ll fucking kill this Kent, if you want to”.

A strange source of power went through her body and her center started aching for attention again.

The previous night, she had been scared with him, and right now she wanted just to be bend over and given some relief: how the hell did her body work?

Her mind was too far gone that rabbit hole.

“… and you don’t have any fault, sweetie, in case your pretty mind tells you it does, it wasn’t your fault, and I am sorry that you had to undergo everything, most importantly alone, you are not alone anymore”.

“You think that a hook-up means that much for me?” she didn’t want to sound so harsh, but there was no way in hell that they would end up living happily ever after together.

First of all, she was a mess.

Secondly, he was married to her sister.

“I just know that I am glad that we had that talk and that I really like you, (Y/N)”.

Again, with the blushing: she was used to hearing man say that they loved her, but it was never “her”, truly.

It was her body, her cunt, her legs…

Instead Trevor truly meant her.

“Let’s just make no expectation on the other” she simply mumbled, and Trevor nodded, brushing his hand against her thigh, before slowly raising up and finding her wet and aching for him.

“We are going to take things slow” he traced lazy and slow patterns, onto your barely covered core “… take all the time you need”.

And with this he was off: up and running for the swimming pool.

“I think that such a nice day should be celebrated” he mumbled, meanwhile he ran discarding all his clothes around, and she followed him smirking silly.

Meanwhile he jumped in the water, she quickly pushed herself onto the board of it, before she discarded her nightgown, as bare as him.

Offering him a chance to turn away.

He didn’t, he softly grabbed her by the waist and brought her in the water, much to her protests.

But she was happy for once.

---

Lately my fics have done extremely shittily so if you end up coming across this, and feel like it... PLEASE LEAVE AN HEART, A REBLOG, OR A COMMENT... I would truly apprecciate it!

@lovelylangdonx​ @blakewaterxx​ @ bonnieangelface @bish-ima-clown​ @ vrezra

[imagines-dreams]

A Good Name - Tim Drake Imagine

Rating: PG

Warnings: fluff and future, and a flustered Robin

Summary: As a part of Young Justice, you have seen a lot of weird things. But being called (Y/n) Drake was by far the weirdest thing. (Aka I read a fic that I can’t remember the name of where Impulse called reader Mrs. Grayson and I took inspo from that idea to make one for Tim! Someone, aka @despitealldoubts-blog found the fic so here it is! Future Mrs. G by @cait-writes-stuff inspired this!)

Word Count: 2785

“Stand ready,” Nightwing commanded.

The four of you readied yourselves as the unknown source or ball of electricity formed and dropped a transportation device of some kind. It dropped right onto the floor, smoking and whirring, and when smoke billowed out of it, someone jumped out.

“Ta da!” A boy, bright red hair, white and red outfit with a yellow visor. You didn’t recognize him from any database you’ve seen. Not a notable hero or villain. Maybe a hacker or inventor, from the looks of the machine. Could be a thief, an aspiring supervillain, or just a big fan of superheroes.

The alarm went off. “Intruder Alert. Intruder Alert.”

“Computer, lock down cave,” Nightwing said.

Gar tilted his head. “Well, I think we found our unknown energy impulse.”

“Impulse,” the stranger mulled it over. “That’s so crash! Catchy, dramatic, one word.” He appeared by Nightwing’s side. “Like Nightwing.”

A speedster!

“And Robin.”

To you, “And Knockout.”

To Gar, “And Beast Boy.” He blinked.”‘Well, that’s two words.” He talked even faster, and soon, he was trying to explore the cave to find things. With a laugh and a mock salute, he was gone.

“You three, take him down.”

“On it, Nightwing!” you responded. You cracked your knuckles and ran alongside Robin and Beast Boy. You caught him in a hallway and with a smirk, you punched the ground. It splintered under your strength. He wouldn’t be able to run.

And you were wrong. Impulse, whatever his name was, ran up the wall and over your head, back to safer and sturdier ground. You groaned. Nightwing was not going to be happy.

Robin sped out from the kitchen, just to trip on some dispelled tile.

You giggled. It was worth it.

Robin stared at you. “Nightwing’s gonna kill you.”

You shrugged. “Nah, I’m good. It’s nice to see you fall on your ass, Robin. Shouldn’t you have wings or something?”

“Guys, come back,” Nightwing said. “I’ve got him.”

Your jaw dropped. “How…” You shook your head.

Robin laughed and patted your shoulder. “Come on.”

As Impulse explained himself, you grew more and more confused. Time travel was theoretica, and no one could agree on what would happen if it was achieved. Does time travel work so that what you do in the past is actually what happened in the past, like time travel was meant to happen and was accounted for in a neat timeline. Or, was there different timelines, and if so, does the previous timeline disappear or does it become an alternate universe all on its own.

You pressed your fingers against your temples. This was just a tad too much.

“So,” Robin concluded, “you’re a tourist from the future.”

“Why look so surprised. Half the meat at Comic Con are from my era.”

Robin rubbed his chin, and you knew that face. He was doubting the information he got. Trying to find the tells of a lie.

You crossed your arms. “If you’re from the future, you should be able to prove it.”

“Ah, well, my identity is kinda a tell, if you know what I mean. Superspeed, the red and gold.” He smiled up at all of you. “I’m Bart Allen, grandson of Barry Allen. You know, the Flash, Barry Allen.”

“Noted.” Garfield smirked. “Not believed, but noted.”

“What’s not to believe? I’ve got it all! The speed, the amazing good looks.” Impulse’s eyes lit up. “Frankly, I can’t wait to meet him. You know, back when he was still in his prime and all.”

Nightwing sighed. “Well, Bart, coming all the way from the future, you must have worked up a thirst.” He brought a cup of water to the intruder. Tracker, no doubt.

“Thanks!”He sipped the water. “Oh! Ah, you’re trying to get my DNA!” he spat into the water. “That’s such a Dick Grayson move.”

Robin’s eyes widened. “How did…” He looked at his mentor, and Nightwing, or well Dick, just stared at him, trying to figure it out himself.

“Aha! See, I know things that only someone from the future with an amazing Flash legacy to carry would know.” He looked at each of you, and without pause, said, “Dick Grayson, (Y/n) and Tim Drake, Garfield Logan.”

You bit your tongue. That was not your name. Your name was (Y/n) (Y/l/n), not (Y/n) Drake. And Tim? As in Robin’s name was Tim. Tim Drake? Your eyes caught his, Tim’s, and thank god for Garfield, because he spoke before the two of you could stutter about what just happened.

“Your name’s Tim? And your is, uh, Dick?” Garfield cringed.

You smiled as much as you can, and with heat still blooming in your cheeks, you laughed. “Gar, your name is Garfield, like that cat who hates Mondays.”

“Hey!” Garfield poked your chest. “I don’t like Mondays. So, I take that as a compliment.”

“You really shouldn’t,” Tim agreed.

“See, thank you.”

Garfield groaned and covered his face. “No wonder you two got married.”

Just like that, Tim and you looked anywhere else but each other.

“Oops. Spoilers.” He shrugged. “The secret identity is so retro. You can call me anything. Impulse, Bart, Bart Impulse Allen. All’s crash.”

“He can’t actually be telling the truth,” Robin, Tim, insisted. “He can’t be from the future.”

Garfield leaned in close. “Tell us something we don’t know! Yet.” The boy smiled, so proud of himself. “So, when do I become leader? Or part of the Justice League! Or, hear me out, my reality show? Good answers only.”

“Sorry, BB. Never was the best at history. Plus, I shouldn’t say any more spoilers as to alter the timeline. I mean, now, Tim and (Y/n) might not get married and have Jack  and Anna. Oh, god, we will all be feeling the mode.”

Jack and Anna. “Kids?” You gulped and looked to Tim. Sure enough, he was staring at you, too. There was something in his eyes, behind the mask, that screamed surprise and awe, and you weren’t sure how to take that. Tim was your best friend on the team. Maybe not your best friend ever, since he didn’t know your name and you didn’t know his until after Impulse, but still.

He was so amazing, really. Intelligent, strategic, hard-working. You still got surprised every time he actually wanted to spend time with you.

And then, this kid from the future is telling you that that guy, your best super friend and the smartest person on the team, falls in love with you? Has kids with you?

Then, Impulse escaped. Beast Boy went after him, and Tim was back to clearing his throat and forgetting all the information he had just received.

You sighed. “I’m gonna go train. And, uh, Nightwing?”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing!” You pursed your lips. “Just, you know, some slightly chipped, broken, maybe possibly shattered tile in hallway B6.”

“Knockout-”

“Ok, bye!” You ran off to the gym. Nightwing had too much on his mind. He wouldn’t go after you just yet.

So, you took deep breaths. When you entered your small, personal gym, it came to life. The light turned on, and your playlist filled the air. You sighed. “Computer, I need you to search for Tim Drake.”

“On it, Knockout.”

As you worked out, you kept asking your room questions and pieced together bits of information.

“I need a list of billionaires who operate business at least once a month in Gotham,” you said, as you stared at the wall of holograms during your cooldown. “Cross reference the list with the list of people associated with Tim Drake.”

“The list consists of seven people.”

“Read them out, please.” You gulped down water and listened.

“Anthony Edwards, Roberta Stark, Bruce Wayne, Lex Luthor-”

“Wait.” You stared at the profiles of these people. Seven people that were both associated with Gotham and Tim. Only one of them fit the bill of eccentric billionaire who takes in kids and fights crime with only a tight suit and fancy gadgets.

“Bruce Wayne,” you whispered. “Computer, pull up a picture of Batman next to Mr. Wayne.” Oh my god, how did no one figure it out sooner. They even had a similar physique. “Who are children that are associated with Mr. Wayne?”

“Dick Grayson-”

“Aka Nightwing.”

“-Barbara Gordon-”

You’d recognize that bright red hair anywhere. “Batgirl.”

“-Jason Todd-”

The old Robin.”

“-and Tim Drake.”

You gulped. Four kids, just like how there were four kids under Batman. Two of which were named by the kid from the future.

“Pull all of their pictures up, along with Nightwing, Batgirl, Robin three years ago and Robin now.” All of their physical profiles were similar. Even Jason’s and Robin’s. And Robin’s disappearance was near Jason Todd’s reported death. Robin’s reappearance matched the year Bruce and Tim’s dad, Jack Drake, were acquainted.

You stood back and laughed. “Wow.” You were sitting one of the biggest secrets in history. You knew who Batman was! The Batman! You knew who Robin was, who Nightwing was, who Batgirl was. You knew all of their secret identities.

“I knew you’d figure it out.”

“Robin!” Your computer hid all the files. “Find what out? Nothing to see here.”

“Mhm. Computer?”

“Yes, Robin?”

“Bring up the previous files.”

“Of course.”

You gasped. “Wait! No-” And all your files of the Batman and his associates appeared on the wall behind you. You shook your head. “Thanks, Computer.”

“You’re welcome, Knockout.”

You stared at your feet and joked, “I really should program Computer to detect sarcasm.” you turned to your data. “I still can’t believe no one knows. I mean, it’s obvious.” You pointed at Mr. Wayne. “This guy is one of the only billionaires who operates in Gotham weekly, and Batman is known to have multiple, custom made gadgets. Even if he made them himself, he’d need a lot of money to maintain that, so billionaire is in the description.

“Then, there’s the fact that Batman has many sidekicks or associates or what have you. So that means the the billionaire must be associated with kids, maybe even adopt them. And Mr. Wayne adopted two kids as his wards. The first one of the two being an orphaned trapeze artist who was adopted around the time that Robin showed up for the first time. And it helps that Robin was known to do amazing tricks and stunts when locking up criminals.”

With all the pictures and articles around you, you couldn’t help but wonder. “I mean, it’s obvious.”

Robin laughed. “To us, it is.”

You tilted your head. “Us?”

He nodded. “Computer, can search for a video with the keywords, ‘Grayson,’ and ‘quadruple somersault’?”

Two videos popped up, one of which was a small boy performing the very difficult trick.

“The second one. Now, Computer, bring up footage of Penguin and Robin about six years ago next to it, please.”

The two videos played at the same time, and you saw why Tim brought it up. The kid in the first video was a young trapeze artist, Dick Grayson. The second video had Robin perform the same difficult trick when he defeated Penguin.

You laughed. “That’s how you found out?”

“I saw Dick perform when I was a kid. I recognized it in this video, and when I thought I needed to, I approached Bruce.”

You blinked. “When you needed to?”

His shoulders dropped, and suddenly, you knew what Tim meant. Batman needed a Robin, and the only time he was without one was when Jason, the second Robin, died at the hands of the Joker. Tim sought out Mr. Wayne after that. “You don’t have to,” you said.

Tim smiled, but it was forced. “Thanks.”

You rubbed his shoulder. “You’e really smart for figuring that out at the age of what?” You looked at the Penguin’s video date. “Age of nine? Damn, Robin.”

“Yeah, I am smart,” he admitted. “I’m also smart enough to know you’re avoiding the topic we should really be talking about.”

Blood pooled into your cheeks. You took your hand off his shoulder and laughed. “What do you mean avoiding? I’m not avoiding anything.” You pointed out, “Plus, it could just mean I’m adopted or that we happen to have the same last name later on in the future or something.”

Tim raised his eyebrow. “Impulse said, ‘Have Jack and Anna’.”

“So?”

“So, use that smart brain of yours.”

You grimaced. “Are we really going to talk about it?”

“Yes, we are. We’re a team, (Y/n), and whatever happens, this” - he pointed at the two of you- “needs to stay in tact.” The superhero gulped. “I want it to stay in tact.”

You sighed. “Jack is your dad’s name, obviously, so the future he was talking about, well,” you laughed and pulled at your hair, “it means that we name a kid after your dad.”

“What do you think of Anna? Where’d that come from?”

You shrugged. “Could be anything.” You laughed. “All I thought was, ‘Wow, Anna Drake sounds like a good name.’” You shook your head. “Kinda ridiculous, huh?”

Tim was silent. Then, his cheeks turned red, and he turned away from you. You knew that look. He thought of something. He thought of something, and it was embarrassing enough that even the thought of of it made him blush.

“Nuh-uh.” It took two strides for you to be right in front of him. “No, you’re spitting it out. What is it?”

“Nothing!”

“Not according to those rosy red cheeks, Tim.” You pinched his cheek. “Come on, you can tell me.”

Tim shook his head and hit his own forehead. “It’s stupid.”

“Who cares?”

He sighed. “I thought, I was just gonna say, like, I don’t know.” He cleared his throat and glanced at you before looking at his boots. “I just, I think that (Y/n) Drake, it sounds like a good name, too.”

The smile you had so gleefully earned disappeared just like that. Not because you were embarrassed, although that was true. It wasn’t because you might marry Robin, aka Tim Drake, aka your best friend, or because you had been thinking of that name, your first name and his last name, for the past hour or two.

No, it was because he was right. (Y/n) Drake doesn’t sound bad.

“See!”

“Shut up.” You laughed and covered your face. “I don’t need this from you.”

“You asked for it!”

“I didn’t think you’d say that.” You exhaled a long and deep exhale and shook your head. You couldn’t let him do this to you. It didn’t matter that the two of you might be married later on. No, you had to get him back. You bit your lip and sauntered to him.

Tim’s eyes widened, and he froze. He stared at you, almost in awe of your newly found confidence, and even though your fingers shook, you couldn’t help but love the way he looked at you.

Your fingers brushed against his mask, and your eyes met his blue ones. When he didn’t do anything to stop you, you lifted the mask away from his face, and finally, his face was revealed to you.

You bit your lip and brushed his hair back. “You know, I don’t think Tim (Y/l/n) sounds too bad either.” You smiled up at him and played with one lock of hair that was out of place. “Goes well with this handsome face of yours.”

Tim gulped, and you could feel his heartbeat under his skin. It was frantic, but still, he didn’t move. Even when he sheeks got redder than yours, he didn’t move. He just smiled. “I, uh, I mean.” He cleared his throat. “Uh, you know, you being this close and playing with my, you know, hair and everything.” He gulped and looked down at his feet.

You giggled. “Run out of smoothness there, Robin?”

“Maybe,” he admitted.

Your cheeks hurt from smiling too much. You leaned your head on his chest. “It’s ok, that was all the smoothness I had.”

“All of it?”

“Yep.” You wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your chin on his chest. “No more smoothness from me. That was it. That was all of it.”

Tim smiled so softly and genuinely as he brushed your hair out of your face before resting them on your waist. “So no more smoothness from you?”

“Nope.”

“Not even on our first date?”

“Well, you got ask me that first?”

He laughed. “Ok then, Drake, what about a date?”

You hummed, as if in thought.

“Come on,” he pouted.

You laughed. “Yes, (Y/l/n), I’ll go on a date with you.”

[lokilickedme]

Because of "The Department", I am starting to become interested in Hozier. Are there any songs you would recommend for new listeners? Does he have anything romantic and sad?

Ohhhh my goodness.  Does he have anything romantic and sad…DOES HE HAVE ANYTHING ROMANTIC AND SAD?!  (sorry, I’m hyperventilating with excitement here)

Sit down honeypants, have I got a playlist for your listening pleasure.

First, you’re fortunate that he’s only got two officially released albums, two EPs, and a handful of covers and film tracks - because frankly the world couldn’t handle much more than what he’s given us so far.  We need time, we need to acclimate, we need to be strong enough to take it.  And for what he has given us thus far, we are thankful.  *amen*

I don’t even know where to start categorizing his songs individually, but since you specifically asked for “romantic” and “sad”, I’ll begin there:

ROMANTIC AND/OR SAD HOZIER SONGS TO PINE AND/OR YEARN TO:

Work Song - Gotta start here, for reasons.  This song is what I would call the epitome of romance.  It’s a nod to the field hymnals of the deep south, with the religious solemnity replaced by a mournful sort of romantic adoration for a lover who somehow saved him from a past he had all but lost himself to.  Sweet and gentle and worshipful, it fairly reeks of bad man redeemed by the love of a good woman.  He thanks the higher powers every day for the gift of his lover, whether the gods are listening or not, whether he is worthy of their attention or not - he no longer cares about that, because if there’s no eternal heaven for him, this moment on earth with his love is more than enough.  You are his deity now, his redeemer, his savior…and he’s at peace with his past because he knows you love him as much as he loves you.  Beautiful and hopeful, and almost painfully romantic.

Like Real People Do - Gah, I don’t even know where to start with this one.  It was inspired by Seamus Heaney’s series of poetic odes to the bog bodies discovered in the wilds of Ireland, which in itself doesn’t seem like a very ripe field to plow for romantic sentiment.  However, let me direct you to the following verse:

I will not ask you where you came fromI will not ask, and neither should youHoney just put your sweet lips on my lipsWe should just kiss like real people do

Yeah, we’re done here.  Basically it’s a vague fairy tale whose implications you’re free to ascertain for yourself.  Is it grave robbing?  Murder?  Some dark fae magic resurrecting an ancient being for some dark purpose he can’t recall? A lonely woman enlisting a disreputable spell to conjure a lover for herself from the long-dead bones of a forgotten victim?  Or was he simply buried by his grief/pain/sadness and “dug up” by the love and care of a stranger?  Whatever it is, it’s lovely.

To Be Alone -  Howling and intense, feral and wild, this is a tune to fuck to.  Romantically, of course.  The Celtic drums, the yowling chorus, the stomping that brings to mind a tribal Druid ceremony, untamed and darkly sexual in all its heathen glory…

Honey, when you kill the lightsAnd kiss my eyesI feel like a person for a moment of my life

Need I say more?  How about this:

To feel your weight in arms I’d never useIt’s the god that heroin prays to

Powerful, right?  And any song that has Feels good, god it feels good as a repetitive chorus can’t be anything but babymaking tunes.  Trust me.

Better Love - This is a film soundtrack song that appears on the ending credits of The Legend Of Tarzan.  Lush and frantically heartfelt and literally gushing with a profound romance that rises and rises until it hits a crescendo that you just gotta listen to on headphones with your eyes closed.  It’s a religious experience, the kind that’s easy to imagine yourself screaming OH GOD!! in the middle of.  Yeah, that kind.  The rising fury of the music, the piano, the horn section, his voice, is all very reminiscent of that kind of love.  Just beautiful, urgent, and will have you imagining yourself in a Victorian dress standing on the bank of a river somewhere waiting for your love to return from some distant place.

Dinner And Diatribes - Speaking of that kind of love, here we have a song that uses those very words to describe what loverboy wants and is asking for from you, his passionate yet momentarily bored significant other.  The two of you are stuck at some hideously stale social engagement and his soul is dying slowly with each dull conversation he has to participate in; his only reprieve is in staring at you from across the room and sending you subliminal messages about what he would very much like for you to do to him as soon as he gets you out of there.  Let there be hotel complaints and grievances raised, yeah that kind of love.  Romantic?  Not strictly, no, not on the face of it.  But really, what’s more romantic than knowing your partner well enough to know that one look from you across a crowded room will have them searching for a way to excuse themselves from the party so they can go home and absolutely rail you?

Scarcely can speak for my thinkingWhat you’d do to me tonightNow that the evening is slowingNow that the end is in sightHoney, it’s easier knowingWhat you’d do to me tonight 

 And we’re not even going to discuss the pounding Celtic tribal drums that set up a rhythm through the entire song that subtly mimics a headboard banging against the wall.  Rowdy loud romance at its pulse pounding best.

In A Week - Nothing says romance like two lovers decomposing in a field together, scaring the cows and slowly turning into food for the foxes and crows.  A beautiful tune, gorgeously sung as a duet with Karen Crowley.  He claims this was meant to be very tongue-in-cheek, and god I hope he’s not lying because I worry about the boy sometimes.

Nobody - My personal favorite, this one is a road song chronicling a love through comparison.  He tells his sweetheart how much he misses her, not with the actual words I miss you, but through a series of either/ors:

If I had the choice between hearing either noiseThe excitement of a thousand, or the soothing of your voiceAt first chance I’d take the bed warmed by the bodyI once warmed my hands over a burnin’ MaseratiStill I’ve had no love like your love

A cute love song full of playful devotion to an absent lover.  Just perfect.

Shrike -  I should have put this higher up on the list, I know.  You’ll understand what I mean when you listen to it.  A Shrike is a murderbird, btw.  Yeah, he’s comparing his powerful desire to express his love (after having tragically/stupidly missed a prior opportunity to do so) to a Shrike (him) impaling food on a thornbush (her).  Again, it’ll make sense when you listen to it.  A beautiful, haunting, lushly lyrical song about wistful longing.

Wasteland Baby -  This song, geezus.  The world is ending, it’s here, it’s happening, and he’s watching it all come down while sitting next to you, holding your hand, waiting for it to reach the pair of you as the flames lick the sky.  Neither of you are scared, just at peace, together, waiting for the end of it all to take you.  Oddly beautiful, and his voice - god, his voice.  Wasteland baby, I’m in love, I’m in love with you.

Movement - A love song to all the things you see in your lover that are lacking in yourself.  Poetic and poignant, coming from a towering giant with a tendency to trip over his own feet, singing about his lover being graceful and feeling moved by the way she moves.

NFWMB - Yes, it means what it looks like.  Nothing Fucks With My Baby, and yes he says that word every other line.  But the way he utters it with such dreamy conviction is just…ugh, it’s a horny song okay?  Just unabashedly horny.  And romantic, because he’s not making a bar room threat as in NOTHING fucks with my baby!!, he’s issuing a laid back warning that if you DO fuck with his baby, she will straight up fuck you up and he will sit back and watch, shaking his head in an I told you so sort of sympathy.  His baby is so terrifying that the goddamn apocalypse willingly averted itself when it saw she was in the vicinity.  An ode to a strong lover that he respects with every fiber of his being and by god you should too.

From Eden - Basically a love song from the devil’s point of view.  I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door.  That’s romantic, folks.

Moment’s Silence (Common Tongue) - My second favorite song in, like, the entire history of music.  Remember when I said NFWMB was unabashedly horny?  Well, this is a song about oral sex.  No qualms, no masking in flowery terms, and a whole lot of borderline blasphemous comparisons to religious verbiage to boot.  And it’s one hell of a banger, with Hoz howling like his baby just put her mouth on him (which is the chorus, more or less).  A no-apologies hard driving ballad devoted to fellatio, which I find oddly romantic in the simple fact that he speaks of it as a holy act of devotion.  He worships his lover, who is, ironically, the one on her knees in the holy posture of prayer in front of him.  And god does he love her for it.

Jackie And Wilson - This one is tricky, because it’s a rousing catchy tune flowing around a set of words that, once you listen carefully to them, become a whole lot of not what I thought.  He speaks of love, and of being saved, and of the attentive care that his lover gives him.  Only later do we hear the truth behind those words - that the love was obsessive and immature, that the savior casually abandoned him without even saying goodbye, that her care was no more than an amused tolerance to his childish adoration.  She knew all along that she wasn’t in it for the long haul, while he was making plans for forever.  But all hope isn’t lost - he’s not irreparably damaged, he isn’t ruined for life.  He simply goes and digs up the version of himself that he buried at the beginning, and starts again.  A little more experienced, a bit more jaded, but ready to do it all over again because maybe it’ll be right next time.  A hopefully romantic little cautionary tale that somehow doesn’t lose its playfulness, even as he’s putting out his cigarette and noticing that she’s gone.

Do I Wanna Know - this is a cover/retool of the song of the same name by Arctic Monkeys, and it is sublime in its sad yearning.  While the original is a driving, dark, sexy ode to obsessive love, Hozier’s version is a gentle, tender, hauntingly heart-tugging song about longing and uncertainty.  It’s a slow game of she loves me, she loves me not being played by a lover who is unsure if it’s worth the bother to try to fall in love with someone else if the current object of his laconic affections is no longer interested in him, or if he should just keep trying to win her back and keep the status quo as is.  And his voice…god, the way he caresses words is like he’s making love to your ears without the messy cleanup afterward.

There are more - but I’m going to draw the line here and say ENOUGH FOR NOW, YOU’RE NEW, YOU’RE NOT PREPARED FOR THE REST.  I mean…Angel of Small Death?  Sedated?  Arsonist’s Lullaby?  The hardcore underlying symbolism of his flagship ballad Take Me To Church?  It Will Come Back, for god’s sake??  No, not yet.  Go, dip your toe into the waters, and then come back when you’re ready for more…because everything this man has ever done is brilliant and beautiful and profound, and oh boy do I look forward to ruining another innocent with it all :)

[angsty-nerd]

Echo-inspired Season 1 Playlist

So I’ve been meaning to share this for… a really long time.  But I’m kind of glad that I waited so long because I found a bunch more songs to add and ended up doing an edit on this playlist this weekend, so this is where it landed.  It’s a bit of a beast—40+ songs. (And it’s my shorter Echo playlist… I have another one I’m still playing with that has all of these, plus the show’s soundtrack songs, plus recommendations that I’m still considering for future Echo use…so this is the reasonably lengthen one…haha).  If you just want to go to Spotify and check it out, here’s the link.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/14ZIHN2MwjfgFbA6yF3RAO?si=5vPkiahyQw-voaZjqMLWsw  

If you want to read my rambles about the progression of the songs and why I picked them, along with some lyrics from each one that make me think of Echo, that beastly monstrosity is below the cut for you!  Here’s just the track list:

1. Armor - Sara Bareilles 2. People Need a Melody - the Head and the Heart 3. A World to Explore - Joshua Radin 4. Missed Connection - the Head and the Heart 5. Summer Years - Death Cab for Cutie 6. It’s OK - Natalie Taylor 7. Something American - Jade Bird 8. Anchor - Novo Amor 9. Harvest Moon - Neil Young 10. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band 11. Silhouettes - Oscar Blue 12. The Storm - The Airborne Toxic Event 13. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band 14. Walls - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 15. Ruins - Jade Bird 16. The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody 17. Run No More - the Talbott Brothers 18. Wild Heart - Bleachers 19. Dream - Bishop Briggs 20. Lullaby - Lord Huron 21. Watch Me - Labi Siffre 22. Grew Up Fast - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers 23. 17 - Jade Bird 24. Your Hurricane - Death Cab for Cutie 25. Lose that Light - Folly and the Hunter 26. Such a Simple Thing - Ray LaMontagne 27. Make These Colors Real - Hush Kids 28. Surrender - Natalie Taylor 29. I’ll Be Your Mirror - Clem Snide 30. Courage - P!nk 31. Easy - Camilla Cabello 32. Day Too Soon - Sis 33. Truly Madly Deeply - Yoke Lore 34. Side by Side - Layup 35. Electric Love - BØRNS 36. Duet - Penny and Sparrow feat. Stephanie Briggs 37. Atlas: Two - Sleeping at Last 38. Another Story - the Head and the Heart 39. Come to this - Natalie Taylor 40. Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish 41. Hello My Old Heart - the Oh Hellos 42. Poetry by Dead Men - Sara Bareilles 43. Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows 44. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

PRE-SHOW

1. Armor - Sara Bareilles

Stolen from Carina’s Liz mix, and obviously heavy on the Ortecho vibe in general. I might associate it a little more with Rosa back in the flashbacks, being proud of Liz and protective of her.

You think I am high and mighty mister Wait til you meet my little sister

2. People Need A Melody - the Head and the Heart

This song just gives me images of Max sitting at home over the years, listening to music, and then Bright Eyes comes on and it just takes him back to that day in the desert when he was lucky enough to be openly in love with Liz for one day before everything went to hell. 💔

All those books in your head, Is that all this really was? Just a role you play that you could hide behind Is it what you want? To bury yourself away Before your time goes I don’t want a love that holds us back I don’t want a life that I can’t have

Cause people need a melody to open their eyes Like a key to a memory frozen in time Holding onto everything, you’re stuck in the past Boy, when you gonna learn the world moves fast?

3. A World to Explore - Josh Radin

Liz leaves on her road trip, pushing the past away, and moving forward into her new life.

Yesterday rains came Everything’s changing The past has closed its door Well I know there’s something more I know there’s so much more So far to go On this open road, a world to explore So far to go On this open road, away we go

4. Missed Connection - the Head and the Heart

Somewhat self explanatory, I think. Mostly I just think of Max staying in Roswell haunted by all of the what ifs, and how close he and Liz came to being something real.

Did you find what you were looking for? Had to open every single door I get the feeling you’ve been here before From a missed connection Don’t tell me I lost a step Criss-crossed in the wrong direction Found myself in a conversation From a missed connection

5. Summer Years - Death Cab for Cutie

This is, like, my #1 Max over the 10 year gap song. I just hear him all through it, haunted by Rosa’s death and the coverup, heartbroken by Liz’s sudden departure, and trapped in his life.  

Sometimes I’m overcome by every choice I couldn’t outrun… And I wonder where you are tonight If the one you’re with is a compromise Cause we’re walking lines in parallel That will never meet and it’s just as well

6. It’s Ok - Natalie Taylor

You know in the pilot, Max says he used to think about what he’d say if he ever saw Liz again. Meaning he didn’t really anymore. Meaning at some point he let go of the hope of her returning to Roswell. That’s kind of where my mind goes listening to this song.

It only hurts me to live this way Holding on to yesterday… Close my eyes, you’re gone And I’m the only one still holding on It’s ok I’ve got to let you go

7. Something American - Jade Bird

I have an old-school song fic just waiting to come out inspired by this song… I hear a lot of different things in it. Mostly I hear Max and the memory of Liz and Cameron in it. With a little bit of Kyle thrown in too.

In my dreams I find The stars align and they all collide And it’s you and I back in time It feels so right But you don’t call me now And I don’t think too much about you When she’s not around I can feel you’re lonely

PILOT

8. Anchor - Novo Amor

Max’s reaction to Liz finally coming home & hoping she’ll stay.

I hear your ship is coming in Your tears a sea for me to swim I hear a storm is coming in My dear, is it all we’ve ever been Anchor up to me, love

9. Harvest Moon - Neil Young

Max gets that brief smile on his face when he’s watching Liz dance in the Crashdown, before he lets her know he’s there. And this is what I hear going through his head in that moment.

When we were strangers I’d watch you from afar When we were lovers I’d love you with all my heart… Because I’m still in love with you I want to see you dance again

10. Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews Band

It honestly took me a long time to get on board with adding this one, because it’s such an important OG Max/Liz song.  But a while back in one of her Q&As, Carina said that if she could give the pilot a title it’d be this, and even with this different version of Max and Liz it still is the perfect song and perfect metaphor for their experience in the pilot.

Lost for you I’m so lost for you You come crash into me

11. Silhouettes - Oscar Blue

I mean…. 

Do I need to say anything more?  Okay, well here are some lyrics to emphasize my point.

She’s a diamond in the coal Something that enchants my soul Graceful and captivating Just one glance and my mind is invaded… So should I try really really hard Or just keep loving you from afar… Oh can we walk into the sunset Until our bodies are silhouettes Cause busy days cause busy lives And maybe you’ll just keep on walking by Are my hopes just gonna suffocate in my doubt Or am I being my anxious self drowning my chances out

SO MUCH FOR THE AFTERGLOW

12. The Storm - the Airborne Toxic Event

I definitely stole this from someone else’s Echo mix…but take it as a compliment! I definitely see a little bit of Liz coming home in this song, both from her perspective and Max’s. But in my playlist’s narrative I also see this as being kind of like the end of 1x02, when Liz makes the decision to stay and investigate Rosa’s murder.

I surprise myself sometimes The way the days unfold and this road unwinds You tell me you see it too And the miles seem like inches when I think of you It’s been 25 days since I’ve been gone 25 weeks since I’ve seen my home I spent 25 months chasing this song and all of this time I’ve been alone Then you walk right through the doorway You tell me you’re here to stay

TEARING UP MY HEART

13. The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band

So if the last song was the end of 1x02, that means now we’re in the awkward, heartbreaking period where Max is pouring his heart out, and Liz is pretending to feel nothing because she doesn’t trust him. 💔 Which is basically the running theme for the next few songs…

You cannot quit me so quickly There’s no hope in you for me… The space between the wicked lies we tell And hope to keep safe from the pain… We’re strange allies with warring hearts…

14. Walls - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

My brother played this song while we were driving from Phoenix to the Grand Canyon in February.  It was the morning after Smells Like Teen Spirit aired, Liz had just told Max that she never wanted to see him again, and I heard this song for the first time and said to myself, “YES.”

All around your island there’s a barricade That keeps out the danger that holds in the pain Sometimes you’re happy sometimes you cry Half of me is ocean half of me is sky But you’ve got a heart so big it could crush this town But I can’t hold out forever even walls fall down

15. Ruins - Jade Bird

Just…I think about Max and that painful scene between him and Liz at the end of this episode, and how much her accusations throw him off.  And the resulting explosion that caused the blackout.

How do we have to do this again? I’ll tell you how I’m feeling You’re like a cryptomaniac trying to connect the dots and the facts How do we have to be here? ‘Cause these hotels, I just can’t relax The more I bend, the worse that I snap I feel like a goddamn maniac

Tell me what did I do to deserve somebody like you? It’s too hard to tell the truth nothing’s real and nothing’s rude I’m just a product of my emotions and they’re all setting off again… You sure you wanna do this now? Oh, you sure you wanna do this now?

'Cause I mean it when I say that I don’t understand And I mean it when I say that I’m not sure who I am 'Cause one minute I love you and the next it’s all in ruins One minute thinking of you and the next my mind’s in ruins

WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE

16. The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody

Very much the Crashdown “how do you truly feel about me” scene.

Find myself at your door just like all those times before I’m not sure how I got there all roads, they lead me here I imagine you are home in your room, all alone And you open your eyes into mine and everything feels better And right before your eyes I’m breaking No past, no reasons why just you and me This is the last time I’m asking you this Put my name at the top of your list This is the last time I’m asking you why You break my heart in the blink of an eye

DON’T SPEAK

Don’t Speak is one of my favorite chunks of this playlist. I love the pre-pilot set of songs, this set, and then the Recovering the Satellites to the end set the most out of all of this whole thing. Just thought I’d share. Also 3 of my 4 favorite episodes. Hmmm… 🤔

17. Run No More - the Talbott Brothers

So, this is kind of my interpretation of Max’s POV after learning that Isobel sent Liz away. I feel like that knowledge and the realization that Michael and Isobel had manipulated the biggest heartbreak of his life, and lied to him for a decade about it, kind of freed him in a sense.  And for the first time he felt like he could stop hiding and release his guilt.  If Liz hadn’t been in trouble, I think he would have gone straight to her and confessed everything.

It doesn’t get easier the further I run It gets harder to carry the weight of what I’ve done I am speaking from experience I don’t wanna run no more

18. Wild Heart - Bleachers Pretty much same themes as above.  These two songs to me are kind of the combo of that determination in Max.  Above is more focused on his guilt and wanting to reveal the truth.  This one is more about his love for Liz and his determination to find her and protect her and love her.

As I sat with the echoes of lies that I told I felt young, never changed by crooked hearts… Well, everything has changed And now it’s only you that matters I will find any way to your wild heart

19. Dream - Bishop Briggs

I don’t remember who did a fanvid to this…was it Mo? It was wonderful and it’s perfect for the end of this episode.  Max running to save Liz from Wyatt Long and wanting to come clean to her, even though he knew it would likely still make her turn away from him. Liz breaking down at the end…sniffles.

Oh, I had a dream that you couldn’t hear me screaming Trying to tell you everything but it wouldn’t stop you leaving I wanna wake up where your love is 'Cause your love is always waking mine

I wanna break down where your heart gets So torn it’s almost breaking mine I wanna lay here, lost and bitter So long, I feel like I could die I wanna tell you what my truth is But it’s buried down inside

20. Lullaby - Lord Huron

I heart this song… and I think it speaks to Liz in this episode so much.  The danger she puts herself in, Wyatt!Noah coming after her, Max desperately wanting to protect her… 

You arrive along with the sun Where have you been darlin’? What have you done? You were out finding trouble again There’s a fire in your eyes and there’s blood on your hands Come inside and lie down to sleep You ain’t gonna run and you know that you’re beat Rest awhile, they’re coming for you There’s a price to be paid for the things that we do

Fall asleep and forget all your troubles Dream of laughter and old friends and lovers Dream of when you were innocent

SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT

21. Watch Me - Labi Siffre Early in the episode, when they were happy and innocent. I feel like this song just kind of captures that young love, high school vibe.

Watch me when you look my way See me smiling, be my night and day Touch me in your own sweet way Feel me tremble, you take my words away All of the time I love you Make you a rhyme, I love you

22. Grew Up Fast - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Here’s another Tom Petty song from my brother’s playlist that we listened to on the way to the Grand Canyon on the day after this episode aired.  I heard it, and immediately thought of the Pod Squad (and Liz) and how the incidents surrounding Rosa’s death kind of forced them all out of their youth and into a traumatic adulthood.  Also I think it kind of bridges back to the present with Max telling Liz the story of Rosa’s death and her reaction towards him at the end of the episode.

We grew up fast when lies were just a fact of life We grew up mad cause we never had a home… Hey, my brother I’ve got no fight with you, I just can’t lie down Hey, my brother I’ve got no fight with you, I just can’t lie down No, I just can’t lie down, I just can’t lie down Well, you know who I am So don’t treat me like I’m someone else… You never talk like that to no one else You never scream like that for no one else

23. 17 - Jade Bird

This…just…the look on Max’s face when Liz runs out after telling him she never wants to see him again. It’s like his heart is breaking all over again.

You asked me to be yours, well you’re tempting fate How I left a promise but it’s one I can’t make Lord knows it’d kill me if you walked away But darling my lies, they hide you from the pain Stay, let me explain why I act so mean Don’t look away, baby, it’s not all that it seems I’m so afraid that you’ll just get up and leave My heart will break like I’m 17

I SAW THE SIGN & BARELY BREATHING

24. Your Hurricane - Death Cab for Cutie

“Liz Ortecho is my hurricane.”  Max is such a ball of anger and angst in this episode.  This song may lean a little more on the anger side than really played out in the episode, but I still think it works, considering that Liz spends much of this episode creating the serum.

You used to be such a delicate kid A lonely fish in a sea full of squid So I can’t blame you for leaving how you did You just fell off the grid 'Cause heaven is a hole in the sky The stars are cracks in the ceiling of night But you can’t be your own alibi As hard as you try It’s a tired refrain you’re singing over and over again As you try to explain who’s at fault for your mistakes But I won’t be the debris in your hurricane

25. Lose That Light - Folly and the Hunter

I don’t recall where I got this song from…it may have come from someone else’s playlist.  But it makes me think about how rough of a go Max has it in Barely Breathing and how Liz is, like, the light that kind of guides him through it, that he has faith in to save his sister.

In my arms you fell, after fighting tooth and nail. The convictions you have are all gone now. You followed that trail, just to take a chance and fail. Do not let that dark voice call you out Even if it gets hard, don’t lose that light…

26. Such a Simple Thing - Ray LaMontagne

I see this as the end of the episode, when they are so close to being on the same page, but Liz is still afraid and still puts up that wall.  Max sees how amazing she is, how she’s willing to fight to save Isobel for him.  And Liz is beginning to feel it as well, because the drive to do it for Max, to comfort him, was so powerful.  “My heart is like paper” = Max, “yours is like a flame” = Liz.

Tell me what you’re feeling I can take the pain Tell me that you mean it That you won’t leave again Tell me what your heart wants Such a simple thing My heart is like paper Yours is like a flame

SONGS ABOUT TEXAS

27. Make These Colors Real - Hush Kids

This song just makes me think about that vibe all through Songs About Texas prior to the kiss.  The heart eyes looks, the touches, how close they are to going there, even though it hasn’t happened yet.  This is also the only song I couldn’t find lyrics for online so I transcribed as best I can, but I couldn’t figure one line out, so I just left it off the post! Sorryyyy… 

I guess you win, I guess I’ll see you around again Locked eyes, brushed hands. I’ll lie and say we’re only friends Yes I want you but I don’t want to Cause I can’t hold you when I want to So maybe I’m selfish, maybe it’s reckless Maybe I’m out of my mind

Ooh you make me weak you, you make me seek you You’d make me dive down to the depth of your ocean Ooh if I could hold you… I’d make these colors real

28. Surrender - Natalie Taylor

Throughout this whole episode I feel like there’s a general sense of Liz giving up her fight against Max.  She can’t hide how much she loves him anymore.  She hasn’t quite decided to be with him yet…but throughout the episode that wall thins more and more until she finally does give in to him.

No one will win this time I just want you back I’m running to your side Flying my white flag, my white flag… Whenever you’re ready, whenever you’re ready Can we, can we surrender I surrender

29. I’ll Be Your Mirror - Clem Snide

I’m pretty sure this came from another Echo playlist…because it’s the perfect song to represent Max’s speech to Liz to reveal how well he sees her.

I find it hard to believe you don’t know The beauty you are But if you don’t let me be your eyes A hand to your darkness, so you won’t be afraid When you think the night has seen your mind That inside you’re twisted and unkind Let me stand to show that you are blind Please put down your hands 'Cause I see you I’ll be your mirror, reflect what you are

30. Courage - P!nk

That split second before Liz decides to grab Max and pull him in for the kiss…

See, I let the light in the darkest places Let the sun shine, pain goes away Nothing is permanent for me Have I the courage to change?

31. Easy - Camilla Cabello

It’s almost ridiculous how Echo’s first kiss this song is. Like, seriously, Camilla? Do you watch RNM? Are you an Echo shipper? Is this your own personal fan song?

You really, really know me The future and the old me All of the mazes and the madness in my mind You really, really love me You know me and you love me And it’s the kind of thing I always hoped I’d find

Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy Touch me 'til I find myself, in a feeling Tell me with your hands that you’re never leaving Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy All I know is you, heal me when I’m broken, heal me when I’m broken All I know is you, saved me and you know it, saved me and you know it

32. Day Too Soon - Sia

Liz making the choice that it is finally the right time for her to stop running. Okay, Max has been waiting patiently, but for Liz everything has finally perfectly collided.

Pick me up in your arms Carry me away from harm You’re never gonna put me down I know you’re just one good man You’ll tire before we see land You’re never gonna put me down You’ll risk all this for just a kiss I promise I will not resist

Promise you won’t hold me down And when we reach a good place Let’s be sure to leave no trace Promise they won’t track us down

Now I’ve been running all my life I ran away, I ran away from good Yeah, I’ve been waiting all my life You’re not a day, you’re not a day too soon

33. Truly Madly Deeply - Yoke Lore

Awesome cover of 90’s song? Check! Super romantic to the point of almost cheesy? Check! It’s got Echo getting together written all over it.

I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy. I’ll be your hope, I’ll be your love, be everything that you need. I’ll love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do I want to stand with you on a mountain I want to bathe with you in the sea. I want to lay like this forever. Until the sky falls down on me

I DON’T WANT TO MISS A THING, CHAMPAGNE SUPERNOVA, CREEP

34. Side By Side - Layup

Sadly, I don’t have a lot of songs for this chunk of episodes for Echo. But they’re finally together, on the same team, being awesome, so that’s pretty much all I’m getting at with this song.

And so, now I go down all these roads with you, my home And now, I’ll keep you close I hope you know - I love you most So here I walk by your side, oh, on our own time Oh, we’ll be alright, as long as we stay side by side From the coldest nights to warmer degrees we’ll get by You and I, side by side

RECOVERING THE SATELLITES

35. Electric Love - BØRNS

I mean… Alien!God Max channeling all that lightning to get the job done is fucking sexy. And then he just marches home to worship his love the way Liz deserves. *nods firmly*

Baby you’re like lightning in a bottle I can’t let you go now that I got it All I need is to be struck By your electric love Baby, you’re electric love Electric love Rushing through me I feel your energy rushing through me…

36. Duet - Penny and Sparrow f/ Stephanie Briggs

Echo love scene. Just ignore that Liz is not wearing a dress. Everything else fits. And the chorus? *chefs kiss* “Because I’ve seen you and I know you”...ties right back to their first kiss and Max proving to Liz that he isn’t holding onto some high school fantasy.  “And I’m not going anywhere”...it breaks my heart because it was 100% true in that moment…but hours later Max is dead. 😭

I bet your shoulders can hold more than just the straps of that tiny dress That I’ll help you slide aside when we get home I’ve seen 'em carry family and the steel drum weight of me Effortless, just like that dress that I’ll help off I bet your back can carry more than just the weight of your button-down One by one, they’ll come undone when we get home I’ve seen you carry family and all my insecurities One by one, they’ll come undone when we get home

Because I’ve seen you And I know you And I’m not going anywhere

37. Atlas: Two - Sleeping at Last

This is, like, the most Max song ever. Especially where his head is at right at the end of Recovering the Satellites after he and Liz make love, when he is straight up in worshipful puppy mode.  It makes me both 😍 and 😭, because I love how much he loves her, but I know how unhealthy his devotion is, and that it leads to him dying. 

Sweetheart, you look a little tired when did you last eat? Come in and make yourself right at home stay as long as you need Tell me, is something wrong? If something’s wrong, you can count on me You know I’ll take my heart clean apart if it helps yours beat It’s okay if you can’t find the words Let me take your coat and this weight off of your shoulders

Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess Or calm waters, if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached It’s okay if you can’t catch your breath You can take the oxygen straight out of my own chest I know exactly how the rule goes put my mask on first No, I don’t want to talk about myself tell me where it hurts I just want to build you up, build you up ‘til you’re good as new And maybe one day I will get around to fixing myself too I don’t even know where to start Already tired of trying to recall when it all fell apart I just want to love you, to love you, to love you well I just want to learn how, somehow, to be loved myself Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you without any strings attached What a privilege it is to love A great honor to hold you, love Like a force to be reckoned with A mighty ocean or a gentle kiss I will love you with every single thing I have Like a tidal wave, I’ll make a mess Or calm waters if that serves you best I will love you without any strings attached I will love you without a single string attached

38. Another Story - the Head and the Heart

In my head this is another afterglow, Max manic on love & power and it pushes him to do something crazy song...I both see he and Liz happy together in his bed in the morning sunlights and flickering firelight...and Max deciding to heal Rosa. 😍😭

These are just flames burning in your fireplace I hear your voice and it seems as if it was all a dream I wish it was all a dream I see a world, a world turning in on itself Are we just like hungry wolves howling in the night I don’t want no music tonight

Every time I hear another story Oh the poor boy lost his head Everybody feels a little crazy But we go on living with it

39. Come to This - Natalie Taylor

Liz crying over Max’s body 😭😭😭. There is no heart eyes here.  It’s all just paaaain. 😭😭😭

How can this happen? How can this be? There is no ending, there is no peace The darkness is so close The light so quickly goes And now it’s all gone Now it’s all gone Will you hear me when I speak? Do you feel the pain with me? I’ve tried to be so strong I thought that hope would come But you’re not here

Oh, the darkness keeps its grip Oh, how’d it come to this? Oh, please come back Please come back

40. Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish

More Liz crying over Max’s body…and just love and pain and death and sadness. 😭😭😭

Retrace my lips Erase your touch It’s all too much for me Blow away Like smoke in air How can you die carelessly? Our love is six feet under I can’t help but wonder If our grave was watered by the rain Would roses bloom? Could roses bloom?

POST-SEASON 1

These are just kind of my headcanon songs of various post-S1 reactions from Liz at various different dark moments.

41. Hello My Old Heart - the Oh Hellos

I see a lot of people attribute this song to Liz at the beginning of the show, but I think it’s more appropriate at the end of the season. I’d love it if they use this song in Season 2.  I see it more as Liz putting the walls she had at the beginning of the show back up again after loving and losing Max, which would break my heart. But I think it’s how she would cope while he’s gone and then those walls would come back down.

Hello, my old heart It’s been so long Since I’ve given you away And every day, I add another stone To the walls I built around you To keep you safe

Oh, oh, don’t leave me here alone Don’t tell me that we’ve grown For having loved a little while Oh, oh, I don’t wanna be alone I wanna find a home And I wanna share it with you

42. Poetry By Dead Men - Sara Bareilles

I can see this scene in my head. I can see Liz and Max both longing for this scene in their head. Just the simple domesticity of drinking coffee together in the afterglow, while Max reads poetry to Liz.  Except that he had to go and die first and that just fucking sucks.  So I hear some anger and a little bit of “don’t let the door hit you on your way out” in this song, and I could see Liz occasionally just having moments of anger in her grief where she feels this way. Briefly.

By the time you hear this, who knows where I might be Singing about another near-miss love that ended incomplete I was ready, but you weren’t So jump with your net from this bridge you’ve burned I wanted to tell you things, all the secrets I’ve been keeping I saw it in front of me, but then you just kept disappearing A good dream, almost, now I tell your ghost

I wanted to be your girl in a white T-shirt Over coffee, stirring in the cinnamon While you read me poetry by dead men I wanted to be your girl with your hands on my skin Stirring in the cinnamon While you read me poetry by dead men

43. Recovering the Satellites - Counting Crows

This is one of the few episode titles where the lyrics actually get to me, like in a plotty way. But not necessarily from what happens in the episode, so much as the idea of Liz questioning later whether the brief moment of love she had with Max was worth all of the accompanying pain. 😭😭😭😭

So why’d you come home to this sleepless town? It’s a lifetime commitment, recovering the satellites All anybody really wants to know is When you’re gonna come down, when you’re gonna come down But we only stay in orbit for a moment of time And then you’re everybody’s satellite I wish that you were mine, I wish that you were mine

44. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson

Definitely stole this from someone else, but it’s perfect and I love ending with it, because even though it’s loaded down with all of the pain we’re feeling at the end of the season, it also has a little twinge of hope and possibility for that future day when Max comes back (which we all know he will)!  So in other words, it’s 😭😭😍😍

The sky looks pissed The wind talks back My bones are shifting in my skin And you my love are gone My room feels wrong The bed won’t fit I cannot seem to operate And you my love are gone

I’ll never say that I’ll never love But I don’t say a lot of things And you my love are gone

So glide away on soapy heels And promise not to promise anymore And if you come around again Then I will take, Then I will take, The chain from off the door

[jae-canikeepyou]

| connecting | j.jh

pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader genre: fluff  a/n: i was really excited to write this since it was inspired by my fave disney movie “tangled” ! hope you enjoy reading ^^ still thinking if there should be a part two(?) for this. let me know!! :D

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

the sun rose just in time at the moment you opened your eyes. a new morning, a new day, and a new hope. shockingly though, the alarm clock did not do its job. that meant you had to place new ones if it was the batteries. the smell of bacon made you up on your toes, leading you downstairs to the garden. 

on most days and most often, you stayed at the tree house your uncle had built. it kind of became your permanent room rather than the one you had at the actual house. you lived at the countryside. not exactly though. when you moved houses, it partially felt like it was a forest, fresh air and greenery.

oh the sound of the raw meat sizzling was making you drool as you saw your mother— stepmother, to be precise, smiling as she told you to sit with her. “only bacon would make you step out of that tree house.” 

“ah well, it’s my little paradise after all.” you eyed her with a grin on your face. your stepmother raised you as her own since your birth parents, didn’t really know how to care for an infant. your father was blind and needed assistance; and your mother cared for you a little while but eventually left for another man. so your stepmother came into the picture at the time before you even turned one. “i get to do things i want without being disturbed.”

“that’s alright. an artist like you need space and quiet. how many canvases have you painted on?” she asked as she plated your meal, getting the meat from the grill. 

you took a bite almost immediately from the serving tong. a joking but soft scoff escaped from your mother’s lips. “mom, there’s too many that i lost count. but remember the huge boxes you got for me on christmas? yeah one of those are close to be full of em’.”

“oh wow, you have to show me your masterpieces.” she clapped her hands together. she checked her watch, only to jump slightly at the time. “i’ll be late for the flight.”

“you’re leaving, mom?” you asked, a tiny complain from you made her giggle.

“it’s a business trip again, sweetie. i’ll be back in four days.” she cooed you with a tight hug.

“but you’ll miss my birthday.” you sighed, placing the plate down onto the wooden table. 

“i’ll make it up to you when i get back, alright?” she pecked your forehead before leaving you. “see you in three days. love you my princess.”

hardworking as she always was, your stepmother would often go overseas for meetings since she worked with a company that required a translator. and apparently she was ranked at the top category, so the demand for her was quite high. 

“love you too mom!” you yelled back.

you finished your meal and headed back to the tree house to continue with painting the canvases. the paintings you started, were something you hoped your father could be able to admire. he never got to see the world, the people, the beauty, and you. 

the childhood you had was something you remembered; still so fresh, as if it was yesterday. the house that was passed on from your father’s side ultimately became a shelter of nightmare. the word cancer was foreign to the teen you, definitely out of your vocabulary. you needed explanation as to why your father had gotten it, and why he had to leave the earth early. it had been three years after all.

not long since you began to paint almost half way onto the third canvas, the radio you were listening to blasted the playlist with your favorite boy group; that alone kept you hyped up, nearly knocking down several acrylic paint bottles over. the music moved your toes, then your legs, eventually your whole body. even your hair swayed in motion, as if the wind had blown it. 

“i just wish i could get to see them live.” you sighed, colors you puto onto the canvas blended with your emotions. “ugh, i’m so senti.” (sentimental). the clock showed quarter to four, it already had been hours since mother left. 

the once upbeat vibe came to a halt when you heard a couple of boys yelling with bicycle bells ringing. it also seemed like one was being chased too. you scoffed as you went to take a peek off of the window. they ruined your moment of jamming. the yells were increasing when the half of your body was out of the window. you saw a couple of figures at the far distance of your front yard. 

a ruffle from the bush that was near your tree house gave a sound of light crash. a bell rang from it too. was it a bicycle? as you further your body look at the bush on the just on the left side of the tree house, your sight suddenly came to a dim.

your body met with a boy with pink hair. as your eyes kept closed, bracing yourself for the impact, you knew his body slammed into yours and for sure you heard his honey-like voice. “nghh agh!” he gasped as his body was on top of yours, but your head rested on something you assumed it was his hands. 

the light from the sun made you open your eyes. the pink haired boy smiled sheepishly and the first you noticed was his ears. 

“can you get off me?” you asked sternly. 

“oh my g- i’m so sorry!” he stood up as he dusted his clothes. the yells from the boys grew louder, making the pink haired boy flinch at their presence. you took a peek at the front yard, around four boys on their bikes, looking for someone. “ugh man, they chased me until here?” he took a peek as well and hissed at what he saw, before sitting back down by the bottom of the window.

“you know i could report you for trespassing.” you stood up, pointing your paintbrush at him. 

he had his hands up in the air as if he was caught by the police. “hold up now i don’t want my shirt to be dirtied.” he said. “i’ll explain later but is it okay if i hide here for a while, maybe for tonight too?” he asked as his eyes trailed off.

you wanted to refuse but girl, his dimples showed and to be honest, you thought guys with dimples were the most sweetest. how could you resist him? especially as of right now, he was smiling at you, clearly embarrassed. but after all, he was a stranger and interrupted your jam session. “i don’t normally allow strangers here, let alone you.” you furrowed your brows. 

“ah c’mon! with a face like this?” he suddenly pouted— no, was that a smoulder? gross. “look, i’m having a rough day today and i really need a breather-” 

“then i think a breather for you would be outside?” you pushed him to the window, his footsteps hit the wooden floor with such impact at the force he received.

“hey hey hey! watch it!” he yelled with his palms touching the edge of the window. “do you want me to die?!”

“i don’t see why not?” your attempt to push him stopped as the radio continued to play the playlist you were listening earlier. “ooh yay!” you hopped back to your paintings. 

the pink haired boy eyed you with confusion. “girls have such weird mood swings.” he walked up to you, mouthing the lyrics to the song.

“you know them??” you turned around to the boy. “man i love them!” you felt yourself heating up realising the boy still climbed your tree house. “i- i like them..” you cleared your throat. 

“i can tell.” he laughed at you. 

“anyway, you have to leave.” you pushed the boy to the door. not the window this time. 

“please, can i stay here for tonight? i can’t have my buds chasing me like i’m a prey.” he sighed. his tone made you wonder how a pretty boy like him could utter such cute tantrums. 

he sat down at the table by the door, taking a sip from your cup. you crossed your arms at how he felt so homey immediately after invading someone’s property. “why were you being chased?” you questioned with curiosity. the boy seemed desperate to hide and you had to hear him reason out. 

“i skipped rehearsal yesterday.. and today. told them i wanted a break because we’ve been practicing non-stop.” he walked to your hanging cradle chair and sat on it. an long exhale escaped from him. you eyed him from head to toe. his whole body worn out with slight shakes. 

“i’ll let you stay..” you said, the boy’s eyes beamed with life. 

“yes! haha! thank you so much!” he placed his hands at the back of his head.

“..with one condition.” you continued. 

“anything for you, miss..?” he now stood up and walked up to the window where he had entered earlier. 

“y/n. my name’s y/n.” you said, blending the colors for the last time before actually stopping for the day. 

“y/n.. i’m yoonoh.” his voice trailed off but with a tone of amusement. “what’s your condition then?

the amphitheatre at the distance’s horizon caught your eye as you looked at the view. you remembered your mother’s words: “only bacon would make you step out of that tree house.” funny fact though, food was the only way to make you go out of your residence’s area. as you made up your mind, your sigh caught his attention. “see that park with that shade thing flying above it?” you asked. 

the boy turned to the direction you had told him. he squinted for a clearer and distinct view, where it shortly came into his sight. “yeah, the amphitheatre. what about it?” 

“i want you to bring me there.” you smiled, making yoonoh do the same. his response was a tilt of a head. you exhaled before continuing. “tomorrow evening, that ampitheatre will light up in colors. it does that every year. i want to see it in person, like how it’s special.” 

“it does, yeah. you haven’t been to the city?” yoonoh asked, his arms crossed.

“never. i’ve haven’t seen the city since i moved here and when i was a wee baby. more of i didn’t want to because i tend to limit myself from seeing the world.” you opened up to him as you tidied your art supplies. 

“why is that? there’s more to see out there! i can tour you if you like.” his dimples showed again. 

your body hesitated for a while, lips tried to find words to answer him. “my father was blind. he never got to see the world’s beauty, so i thought i’d do the same, y’know, experience things he did and understand him. now that he’s passed, maybe there’s benefit from a different point of view. my hearing got sensitive, in a good way.”

yoonoh stayed silent, respecting your words. he didn’t want you to stay caged in here any longer. “coming from someone who hasn’t seen outside beauty, you’ve got great imaginations.” he pointed to the wall of canvases. “i’ll bring you to the amphitheatre, first thing in the morning.”

to think that you would step foot to the lands of the city made your stomach churn. the whole experience would be something new. yoonoh sat back at the hanged cradle chair, taking several selfies at different angles, and there was no signs of stopping any sooner. you let him be, he looked tired anyway. his sweats slid down from the temples, and as he wiped them, he caught you looking at him. “i know i’m handsome.” he said. cheeky fella’, but he ain’t lying. 

luckily though, the tree house had an extra room besides the one you both were in now. your uncle had included it in the design if you had friends over. yoonoh could stay there even if it was a little cramped. he wouldn’t complain, would he? the day seemed to end quickly; with three completed paintings and endless conversations with your ‘new-found friend’? wait you weren’t there yet. he was someone you had met accidentally. 

maybe sometimes accidents can lead to something new.

[witchoflavender]

31 Spooky Things to do in October as a Witch

One for each day. I put them in an order that made sense to me, but some of these you could definitely move around. Also, the focus is on witchy stuff, but most of this works as just something fun to do!

1. Catch a falling leaf 🍂

Catching a fallen leaf is said to be good luck. Keep it on your altar for the whole month. 

2. Put up some decorations / Decorate altar  📿

If you haven't already, now is a good time to pull out your spooky fall decor. If you already have some, touch up or add to it.Ideas for altar:

fallen leaves

skulls

nuts, acorns

harvest vegetables like pumpkins and squash

Halloween decor

3. Use fall scents 💧

Scents are tied to emotion. Using the same scents year after year builds strong emotional memories. Herbal scents can also be used for their magical properties; for instance, cinnamon is protective and energizing.

4. Listen to spooky music 🎶

Good way to get in the mood! Save your favorites to put in a playlist later (see #12)!

5. Wear fall colors ❤️🧡💛💚

Reds, oranges, browns, and dark greens are typical. 

6. Buy a pumpkin (or a few!)  🎃

Preferably at a pumpkin patch! Picking out your own is extra fun. Larger ones are good for carving. Smaller ones make cute decor. Don't carve any yet though—at best they only last around a week. (See Day 24 for tips on how to help preserve it!) You can empower them to repel negativity and to protect your home, much like jack-o-lanterns’ original purpose.

7. Read a spooky story  📕

Doesn't have to be horror if you don't enjoy it! There are plenty of mysterious stories that suit this time of year.

8. Drink hot chocolate, apple cider, or pumpkin flavored drink  ☕️

I know I'll be drinking more than one pumpkin spice latte this month haha.

You can make your own apple cider from regular apple juice. Just add cinnamon (a must), allspice, nutmeg, and/or cloves (the last three are more optional). To add a magical flare, you can enchant the ingredients or stir in energy. 

9. Plan Halloween costume, Halloween day events 👹

Decide what you are going to wear and what you are going to do on the day of. You may want to carve some time for witchy activities, as well as time for trick or treating, or for having a party.

10. Perform some form of divination  🔮

I find this time of year divination is particularly strong. 

11. Watch a spooky show  📺

Suggestions:

Over the Garden Wall - a short and sweet cartoon about two brothers traveling through the Unkown

The Twilight Zone - imagine I don't need to explain this one!

Stranger Things - the first season is especially good. Set in the 80s and takes a lot of inspiration from the media of that decade

Gravity Falls - cute, kids dealing with supernatural activity in their town

X-files - it's a classic for a reason. Two FBI agents investigate supposed paranormal events

12. Make a Halloween playlist  🎧

This is something you can listen to all month long, and is especially useful if you are planning on a party at the end of the month. You can even build on this year after year, updating it to reflect your changing taste. Useful in music witchcraft.

13. Eat a caramel apple  🍎

Here's a tip: while the classic caramel apple on a stick is certainly cute, it's way easier to eat if you cut the apple into slices!

14. Take a (safe) night hike  🌲

It's good to get outside and feel the changing air. Just don’t go off alone into the woods during the middle of the night!

15. Play a spooky game  🎮

Or watch a let's play, if you'd rather!

OFF - horrifying at times but not gorey, great soundtrack and fun gameplay

Yume Nikki - a slow paced and atmospheric game where you travel through dreams

Oxenfree - much more thriller than outright horror, a group of teens find themselves in the middle of strange occurrences

Amnesia: The Dark Descent - one of the more intense horror games out there!

Five Nights at Freddie's - it may be seen as slightly "cringey" now but it's a genuinely good game.

16. Make/buy popcorn balls 🍿

These are easy to make and yummy

17. Gather a pile of leaves and jump in  🍁

If you live in a place with enough leaves. If not, collect some leaves for more indoor decor.

18. Go to a corn maze  🌽 🌽 🌽

These are simple but fun.

19. Watch a spooky movie 📽️

The Sixth Sense - this ghost movie is famous for a major twist. If you don't know it, it's really interesting! If you do know, it's fun to rewatch and see the foreshadowing.

Ghostbusters - either the classic one or the all-women remake; both are fun.

Us - my only recommendations I haven't actually seen, but I've heard the entire plot and think it sounds worth watching. Involves doppelgängers seeking revenge. Falls solidly in the horror category.

Nightmare Before Christmas - did you know this movie was directed by Henry Selick, NOT Tim Burton? He was a producer, and came up with the initial concept, but he was mostly uninvolved with the day-to-day of production.

Practical Magic - a family of witches dealing with a generational curse. The power of family and romantic love.

20. Visit a graveyard (respectfully!) ⚰️

Graveyards are interesting historical sites as well as a place to honor the dead. It's healthy to acknowledge and reflect on death occasionally. 

21. Create a fall or Halloween aesthetic board 🌆

What do you think of when you think of this season? Can be a starting point for art magic.

22. Contemplate Autumn  🌾

It's a time of the harvest, a time of change. Maybe do some meditation or journaling if you feel like it.

23. Buy fall produce 🍠

Buying seasonal produce gets you in tune with that energy, not to mention it just tends to taste better!

24. Carve a jack-o-lantern  🎃

Or you can use easier, no-carve methods, such as drawing on with sharpie. If you do carve, here are some tips:

Wash the outside of the pumpkin first. This prevents mold from getting in.

If you plan on putting it over a candle, it is easier to carve out the bottom instead of the top. This also helps it last longer.

Scoop in a spiral, focusing on cutting the strings. Then the insides should come out more easily.

Rinse it out with a diluted bleach solution. Wait for this to dry a bit.

Cut time! Plan with a marker first, and keep in mind small pieces may break.

Sprinkle the inside with lemon (for preservation) and cinnamon (for the smell!)

Rub the cut edges with vaseline, again for preservation.

Don't leave it out in the heat. If you live somewhere hot, try keeping it inside, especially during the daytime.

25. Tell (or read) ghost stories around a fire  👻

If you can get together a group of friends, all the better, but reading on your own works too. 

26. Make pumpkin pie  🥧

I. love. pumpkin pie. If you don't though, any type of pie is good! Baking is inherently magical to me.

27. Go to a haunted house. 🏚️

You can drive to one, or sometimes someone in the neighborhood will set one up.

28. Finish costume prep 🧵

If you need to buy some prop and haven't yet, do it! If you're DIYing it, make sure everything is complete. 

29. Finish decorations, Ancestor altar  🕯️

If there is anything else you want put up, make sure it's done. Now is also a good time to set up an ancestor altar. Gather photographs, heirlooms and other mementos of deceased family, friends, or even pets. Set it up in an attractive way.

And don't forget to buy candy for trick-or-treaters!

30. Wear something Halloween related—it's tomorrow! 🧣

Orange and black colors, spiders and pumpkins and bats.

31. Halloween! 💀

Be sure to enjoy the day.

As for witchy activities, it's a good time for divination. You can put out an offering of food and cider or mead, then light the candles on your ancestor altar. You can try communicating with them, through divination or other methods, or simply let them know you are thinking of them. 

[jjpmoans]

50 Questions Tag

Tagged by @prettywordsyouleft and @itsallabigmess bcs these two unnies really love me

1. What takes too much of your time?

Social media (yes that includes tumblr)

2. What makes your day better?

These days, Jinyoung. Lol okay so I am a very talkative one. So yeah, talking to someone will immediately makes me feel less stressful.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today?

Just now @itsallabigmess made an exception for me to write a GOT7 fic asdfghjkl I FEEL A LITTLE TOO OVER HAPPY

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

I think almost all my friend would have guess this. Hogwarts. Because the food there seems to be endless and really, I’d love to try eating both drumsticks in my hand and I want to put an incantation to whoever tries to hold me from eating.

5. Are you good at giving advice?

Well, I think I am. Judging from how my whole family turned to me when they wanted to share their problems. Also when I gave advises, I always stresses this one thing “Listen to understand, don’t listen to reply” and that implies to me too. And honestly, I listen too much and sometimes when people just don’t want to change, I feel really annoyed BECAUSE WHAT IS THE POINT YOU WANTED MY ADVISE???? Okay I think I’m good. hahahhahhaha

6. Do you have any mental illness?

Horny 24/7 is that a mental illness? lmao no I’m not that bad but I think I need to get married. NOW.

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

Not yet. In my country, people describe sleep paralysis as you got crushed by some spirit (ghost to be exact) and yes it is scary and I hope I would never experience it.

8. What musician inspired you the most?

I’ve been thinking a lot and though I really want to say GOT7, I’d say EXO. Partly because I was there since early times, but also, the amount of success and loyalties they have received are really unbelievable. The secret of EXO’s and BTS’s popularity which leads them to win daesang in every award is their fans. And I really hope ahgase can be like them. I’d be lying if I say our fandom is really hardworking when it comes to award season. I’ve seen my friend bullshitting EXO and BTS bcs whenever any of them is nominated in the same award of GOT7, automatically, GOT7 will lose. And no joke, army and exol are really monsters during award season. And I hope us ahgase can be like that too. I know got7 said they didn’t mind but Jinyoung once said that he want to know how those groups can win daesang easily and he thought got7 need to work harder. smh I’m emo. sorry this got longer than it should. 

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

I do. Hahahahhahaha yes I do. 

10. What’s your dream date?

Well for me, just talking with each other is a date. I love to know small details because when I love someone, I just want to know everything about him. But okay a dream date? Amusement park. Yes you need to know which ride makes me scream like a girl and which makes me scream like a mad woman.

11. What do others notice about you?

I’m very talkative (that really shows lol). And I don’t know how to refuse when someone ask for a help or anything. I always tell myself to treat people the way I want to be treated. 

And they said I’m too nice. Yeah I figured that too hahahahhaa

12. What is an annoying habit you have?

Refuse to listen when I’m angry. I feel annoyed because I know I’m wrong but I’m angry but I don’t want to hurt people. So I’ll say “Sorry, I’m very angry now but I know I’m wrong. Just, I’ll be okay later so we’ll talk later”

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

Yes and no. Our last conversation was he wanted to meet me. But ever since then, no other conversation.

14. How many ex’s do you have?

Can’t relate lol

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

Here’s the thing. I have a lot of playlists. Phone playlist, laptop playlist, joox playlist and youtube playlist. So I don’t know how many of them.

16. What instruments can you play?

Non existent.

17. Who do you have the most pictures of?

My phone? Now? Jinyoung smh this is all Tumblr’s fault lol. 

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

Mecca. I’d like to die there if I can.

19. What is your zodiac?

Virgo. And please, someone, please help me calculate whatever thing it was (sun sign, moon sign and all) I never knew those things and it irks me when I don’t know it hahahahhaaa

20. Do you relate to it?

Well I did some research here, Virgo firstly is a virgin and yes I am. It says that virgo is very supportive of people in their lives and even strangers, that is me. I’m a critical thinker bcs I personally hate when something goes wrong. but lol hardworking, artists and remembers everything? Not even close. I’m a lazy ass, I draw a cow but it turned into a pig and I am hopeless with my memory.

But one Virgo thing about me, yes I am an overthinker hahahahhaa

21. What is happiness to you?

When my family reunited.

22. Are you going through anything right now?

Family problem. Mom just got heart attack, dad married another woman, brother on crisis with mom, sister just stabbed my back, aunt made everything worse. It’s been three months into 2019, every week, another family problem popped up. But we are trying, I tried to fix everything, another role which the smallest child has to take upon responsibility but I’m fine. Just, tiring.

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?

applied for the wrong scholarship and wasted an opportunity to fly to New Zealand for study.

24. What’s your favourite store?

Food stores. Any of them. ARE MY FAVOURITE ahhahahhaha

25. What’s your opinion on abortion?

Because I’m a muslim, I am against abortion. Here, in my country, abortion is done because it was done out of wedlock and they feel embarrassed. So, it irks me bcs if you can think to have sex, you can’t think that there is possibilities that you can get pregnant? And to kill your child bcs you wanted to cover it, is unacceptable. But again, it is personal choice. 

26. Do you keep a bucket list?

I have a few but not enough to be a bucket. 

27. Do you have a favourite album?

Honestly, if favourite means I have listened to all songs in that album, it’s EXO The War album. 

28. What do you want for your birthday?

A freaking big plushie. I love to hug big plushies. But no one ever wanted to give me that for my birthday. And now, I’ve been searching for a big squirtle plushie or snorlax plushie (yes jackson and jaebum)

29. What are most people’s first impression of you?

okay this one lol they said I look scary and they thought I’d be the grumpy one. Well, if you meet me when I’m hungry, I have the tendency to be one.

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

I don’t know anymore. An aunt asked me “Are you the one who got married?” when it was my sister smh 

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

next to my pillow bcs I need to charge it.

32. what word do you say the most?

me? I say “shit” a lot lol

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

well I would say I definitely date anyone as long as they are not the same age with my dad.

34. What’s the youngest age you would date?

idk I never thought on dating a younger one. But if I do, maybe 4 years younger bcs damn, if I make it 10 years, my date would be 12 when me here is 22.

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you?

something which requires me to talk a lot. 

36. What’s your favourite music genre?

K-Pop.

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

South Korea. New Zealand. Anywhere but Malaysia lol.

38. What is your current favourite song?

Say you won’t let go - James Arthur

39. How long have you had this blog for?

I had this blog for a few years. But just becoming active just recently hmm I don’t know the exact date. But I know it started after I interacted with @prettywordsyouleft

40. What are you excited for?

Food. and sponsored vacation

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

A better talker. but also a pretty good listener

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

Last sunday, i climbed a 200m hill to get to the view point. It got me panting like a dying cow.

43. What do you want for Christmas?

While I don’t celebrate Christmas, I welcome gifts. Any gifts would be fine lol (make sure its food)

44. What class do you get the best grades in?

High school? Chemistry. College? Mathematic. Now? Nothing hahahahaha

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

5 and exhausted but tomorrow? 10 BECAUSE A JINYOUNG IS COMING

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years?  

10 years I just hope that I am already working and saving money to go on vacations and can sponsor my family on vacations too.

47. When did you first get your heartbreak?

2009 when I discovered that dad has another wife. I was 12 and just got my exam result but dad wasn’t there. He was never present for any of my achievements in school. Turns out he has another child the same age as me and he puts her before me. Since I was born, I was always put second.

2011 when I liked a guy but he hated me awh teenagers. He said I’m too fat and how dare a fat girl like me tries to like him? He was my first love.

48. At what age do you want to get married?

When I am ready. I have a dream wedding, so I would work hard for it to happen.

49. What career did you want to have as a child?

Idk I always change it lol today i’ll say teacher and next day I’ll say ballerina. Yes I spent my whole school life giving different careers when teachers asked me.

50. What do you crave right now?

Food bcs I’m on diet and hell those food porns are getting on my nerves.

Phew it was a good time answering all these questions and it drains my energy lol. So for this, hmm I don’t know who to tag. But i’ll go with this one @sevenpeaches @riceeater22 @tuanyiems @kpopchangedme @kpopstories @starhibiki @ongsung @sehunsmybae (yes I always saw you) and everyone who want to do this! of course, you are not forced to do this