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basicallyreigenarataka · 4 months ago

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lost and found - toji x reader x sukuna

chapter 8

summary: gojo is an asshole. sukunas there for you, though (and toji)

* ooc, MDNI, mentioned dubcon (between gojo and reader) because reader was under the influence, toji being shameless(and a freak), mentioned masturbation and dacryphilia

not proofread

masterlist. prev. next

you were shocked gojo would even think about bringing that night up. even more so hurt, you guys promised to never bring that up again. and to imply that you were hooking up with sukuna? that was disgusting.

two months ago when you were beginning to introduce shoko and utahime together, shoko invited you two to a party. gojo clearly wanted to tag along, so the two of you reluctantly agreed (with shokos approval, of course).

at the party, shoko and utahime obviously hooked up. everyone could see the tension between them, and you were happy for them. but that left you and gojo alone, and after coercing you to drink much more than you wanted, the two of you ended up hooking up, as well. gojo must’ve been jealous utahime was getting more pussy than him.

you don’t remember the night at all. you were way too drunk, but gojo could strangely remember everything. you didn’t know how, considering he claimed to also be drunk.

you were tired of this disrespect. you were known to be a compliant, quiet girl. you always let others take advantage and disrespect you, but you were honestly sick of it. you’ve had so many bottled up emotions over the years of letting people walk all over you, and you think it’s finally time you stand up for yourself.

you did not hesitate to block gojo. yea, maybe he’ll tell everyone you guys had sex or whatever, but it’s not like he had evidence. you’ll just say it never happened and use your scary dog privileges (sukuna) to make him back off.

could you consider sukuna someone you could trust? he told you if gojo ever did anything, he’d be there to help. so you did consider him someone you could trust, despite how scary he was.

someone delivered your shower products just as sukuna finally reappeared.

“sorry,” sukuna said in his usual (and insanely attractive) gruff voice.

“i told toji off. he won’t bother you anymore.”

you didn’t want to know what sukuna did to make toji stop, so you just smiled at him.

“it’s okay, really.” you said, trying to sound as appreciative as possible. “could you help me with the shower? and i know you told me not to pay you back, but im going to anyway-“

sukuna grunted, his face going red once more. is it hot in here? if it was, you didn’t feel it.

“help… you in the shower?”

you tilted your head, confused why he was acting so fidgety. “if you don’t mind… i just need you to show me which direction to turn the knob to make it hot-“ you felt stupid for asking. he probably thought you were an idiot.

“oh.” he coughed, quickly pushing past you to the bathroom,

“how hot do you like it?” he asked, his face turned away from you (much to your dismay).

“i want to feel like im boiling alive.”

sukuna snorted at your response. it was cute, causing you to laugh as well.

“it’ll take a minute to heat up, just yell for me if you need anything.” he told you, still avoiding eye contact as she made his way past you and to the door.

before leaving, he called over his shoulder,

“and i told you not to worry about paying me back.”

with that, he closed the door behind him, and once again, you were alone. you made sure to lock the door behind him, not wanting toji to waltz in again like he owned the place (well, he did).

you hummed as you stripped yourself, setting your clothes down beside the towel sukuna left for you by the sink. you hated putting on dirty clothes, especially after a shower, but it’ll have to do.

almost as if toji could read your mind, he knocked on the bathroom door. this caused you to jump, a bit shocked by the sudden noise.

at least this time he knocked.

“did sukuna leave you any clothes?” he asked, his voice deep and gruff. they both had that same almost scary tone to their voice, a roughness to it, yet you could somehow easily tell the two apart.

“um, no, it’s alright.” you yelled from behind the door, covering yourself up despite the door being locked.

“need a pair?” he asked. you glanced at your used clothes, biting your lip as you pondered if you should take him up on his offer.

“if you don’t mind?” you finally responded. you got no response, only the sound of footsteps fading away.

you wondered if he was leaving to get you clothes, or if he just did that to mess with you. you scrunched your face up in confusion, this guy was weird.

you shrugged to yourself, not expecting him to come back after the fifth minute. he must’ve just been teasing, what a weirdo.

you sighed, moving the curtain to the side so you could step in the shower, and then, of course, toji knocked. tool him long enough.

“i’ve got you some clothes, doll. sorry i took a while, was trying to find some old clothes that might be smaller so they’d fit.”

you blinked, still shocked he came back. you stepped out of the shower, wrapping the towel around you as you quietly stepped towards the door.

as if noticing you discomfort and hesitation, toji spoke up, “i’ll leave them for you out here if you’re too shy to take them from me.”

you didn’t know if he was flirting, teasing, or mocking.

but, you knew he left because you could hear the sound of his footsteps fading away once more.

you were quick to open the bathroom door when you couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore, a small pile of clothes (that were definitely too big) on the ground.

you practically slammed the door behind you after retrieving the clothes, terrified one of them would see you, whining when you noticed the size. this would definitely not fit. the boxers, at least.

it was nice of him to try to get smaller sizes for you, but god, he was huge. this wouldn’t fit anybody.

you decided that would be a problem for later you, and you should instead focus on showering before you used up of their hot water.

you stepped in, once again thankful for sukunas credit card buying you the shower supplies when your gaze turned to the mystical, definitely not safe, six in one bottle of shampoo and conditioner. what were the other four, you wondered…

as much as you’d love to keep these delicious strawberry scentened products, you thought you’d be doing them a favor by keeping them here. not only did sukuna pay for them, but they probably had some unknown chemicals creating a new disease in that six in one bottle. they’d have to suck up smelling like strawberries, you said to yourself as you made a mental note to throw out that bottle, maybe burn it. you’d be doing them a favor.

while you loved to take long showers, you were mindful of their water bill and only took as long as necessary (which was still long).

you stepped out, the bathroom was steamy, you weren’t visible in the mirror. you childishly drew a smiley face on the mirror, unable to resist with a giggle.

now, the problem.

the clothes.

you couldn’t even ask sukuna for a pair of his clothes, as he was just as big as toji. either way, they’d be falling off. but, it was better than used clothes, right?

you slipped the oversized t-shirt on, the material practically drowning you. it landed just above your mid thigh, making you look small in comparison.

while you disliked used clothes, you thought it would be best to throw your bra on under it. the neck of the shirt was so loose around you, if they were to look at you from a taller angle (which, they always are), you’d be flashing the poor men.

you however do NOT want to put back on your used panties. you didn’t know why, considering it was your pussy, but you disliked the idea of wearing the same pair of panties more than once without being washed. it was just one of those little things that grossed you out.

boxers were technically underwear, right? you thought to yourself, pulling the ridiculously large pair up. they barely clung to your hip, much to your dismay.

well, it would just be tonight. you thought, trying to wiggle them up higher, but they just kept falling down your waist and to your hips. at least the shirt covered you.

you stepped out of the bathroom, the overpowering scent of strawberries following you into the living room where both men sat on the couch.

“you smell nice,” sukuna spoke, his gaze immediately wandering to your toji’s clothes. you could see the faint envy in his eyes.

“thank you,” you said with a soft smile, “you can keep all that stuff. it smells nice and it’s way better than whatever that six in one concoction is..”

“are you saying that because you want us to keep it, or because you plan on coming here more often?”

the question sprung up by toji caught you off guard. once again, you couldn’t tell if he was flirting, teasing, or mocking. he always had that same somewhat malicious tone to his voice, but as you’ve come to know of sukuna, you think that’s just how he normally sounds- rather than being rude towards you.

“both…?” you decided to answer, a bit confused with both his question and your answer. you wouldn’t mind coming to see them more, they were nice, but you weren’t sure if toji meant it in a sexual way or not.

“then i suppose i can see you in my clothes often, too?”

oh, he was totally flirting.

it seems sukuna telling him off didn’t scare toji off for long, because here he was, shamelessly flirting with you infront of sukuna.

sukuna was definitely going to beat up toji.

sukuna, not wanting to scare you, decided to bring you to his room so he wouldn’t hear him and toji arguing. he made sure to let you know that you can sleep in his room, he’d just crash out on the couch. he said you were welcome to lock the door if you felt uncomfortable, god, he had too much trust in you for a guy you just met. you were going to protest, but he was quick to shut the door behind him. as usual.

you bit your lip, looking around his room. this was awkward, you thought. you didn’t want to be the reason the two were arguing.

you felt beyond guilty for even dragging sukuna into your own mess. you should’ve just dealt with gojo yourself, you shouldn’t have even accepted his offer to help.

was it sensitive of you to cry? maybe, but you were so pent up. you still haven’t properly accepted the fact that you just practically lost all your friends.

what you needed was a good cry, and thankfully for you, they were too busy arguing to hear your small, pitiful whimpers as you hugged yourself close, finally letting yourself go after having such a terrible day.

arguing over text when they were sitting right next to each other was a little funny. but when toji admitted he was also looking to an actual relationship with you, sukuna got angry. not even uraume could help them with this argument.

the two have never fought over a girl before, neither of them were the type to be in a committed relationship.

but now, it was different.

sukuna was sure toji was only claiming that because he hated when sukuna had something he didn’t.

the two argued that night, although both were mindful to keep it down so you wouldn’t hear. although, in the midst of their whisper-yelling, sukuna noticed the sound of your small sobs.

“shut up.” sukuna growled, glaring at toji as he turned to face his bedroom door. the sound of another sob alerted him that you were in fact crying.

“shit.” toji sighed, “you go check on her.”

sukuna was shocked toji was offering for him to do it, considering toji apparently liked you and everything. he gave toji a curt nod, making his way to his bedroom and knocking.

toji could hear sukuna say ‘can i come in?’ softly as he made his way to the bathroom, his gaze immediately shifting to your used clothes discarding on the sink.

toji heard the sound of sukunas door opening and closing, glancing over his shoulder every second to make sure neither of you were coming out.

he discreetly picked up your panties, a cute lacy pair with little pink bows on the side. he stuffed the cute thing in his pocket, swiftly returning to his room.

and that night, as sukuna comforted you and you cried about your misfortunate day, toji wrapped the pair of panties around his cock and thrusted to the sound of your cries.

he came fantasizing about how you would cry on his cock

sorry i got a little freaky there…

taglist

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@seellove @melonmako

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ohodie · 1 year ago

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SECOND THAT

luke castellan x reader

★ “i’m restless, i’m wrestling with the song that you love, it’s been stuck in my head”

ABOUT - luke castellan is the only one at camp who sees right through your perfect and poised persona; and all he wants is the satisfaction of ruining it.

WARNINGS - smut, mentions of choking, both the reader and luke are TERRIBLE but luke is much worse lol, swearing, written from the perspective of a deranged luke, penetration, only loosely proofread.

A/N- i have NEVER written and posted smut before EVER. like i get close but i never go all out. so… no hate guys 😘 also i feel like this is a bit ooc for luke so just pretend he’s actually insane and terrible guys!!! if you ignore his incoherent ramblings, it’s PWOP sooo… anyways this might be the first and last time i ever write smut who knows

luke castellan is no amateur when it comes to pretending to be something else. growing up, the only thing that mattered to luke was receiving praise or recognition for being ‘great’ or ‘honourable’ or whatever.

when you live your whole life pretending to be a perfect person, you kinda start to believe you really are a perfect person.

and if everyone you meet also believes you are indeed a perfect person, what’s the harm in continuing to pretend?

at the end of the day, both parties gain something. you get the validation and acclaim that you truly deserve, and they get a role model they aspire to at least halfway resemble.

luke is the sweetest guy at camp- everyone loves him. and he deserves it, doesn’t he? he deserves their praise and love and respect. gods, he should be rewarded for pretending to be so admirable for so long. he’s entitled to it.

you, on the other hand? you don’t. you don’t deserve an ounce of the praise luke has worked so hard to receive.

to luke, you’re vermin. behind your polite smiles and sweet words, there’s darkness. there’s an evil lurking within you- he’s sure of it.

he sees it during early morning sparring sessions, watching from the wings while you tactfully dodge every attack that comes your way. and when you eventually falter, he sees how your eyes turn cold and your smile fades.

he sees how you take a shaky breath, brushing yourself off with your bony hands before flashing a toothy grin. he feels nauseous when you extend your arm out to shake the hand of your opponent- because how the fuck can they believe your little act?

your gentle kindness and bashful charisma is so obviously fake. of course, he’s not pissed that you’re acting; everyone at camp is acting to an extent. but you’re going all out, and he can still see through it. what pisses him off, is that nobody else seems to recognise how truly malicious you can be.

maybe it’s because you’re pretty. luke is no stranger to getting special treatment based on his appearance, and neither should you be. maybe that’s the whole basis of your appeal. it seems to be the only thing holding your pathetic little facade together, considering your sloppy acting skills.

if you were ugly everyone would be able to call out your bullshit straight away, and then he wouldn’t have to worry about sharing the spotlight. honestly, the only reason why everyone loves you so much is because half of them want to fuck you, and the other half want your attention or approval- not that it’d be worth anything.

it was the last week of spring, meaning only the year-rounders and a few of the older kids were at camp. you just graduated high school, and arrived at camp early.

of course, you just had to return to camp prettier, taller, more confident, and with a fancy college acceptance letter. maybe you were much smarter than you let on- but it became very apparent that your intelligence wasn’t the reason you got accepted into NYU once he learned what you were studying.

“oh, i’m getting a degree in art history,”

seriously? art history? that’s gotta be the funniest thing luke has ever heard in his entire life.

“really? why art history?” he asks politely, watching your every move as he awaits your dumbass explanation.

you shrug cheerfully, looking around at the few other campers scattered around in a tight-knit circle as they wait for you to tell them about your ‘lovely’ 18th birthday and ‘eventful’ senior year.

“i don’t know, my mum works with a lot of artists, so she said it’d be a good conversation starter,” you say cheerfully, as if it wasn’t the stupidest thing to ever exit your mouth.

luke can’t help but let out a little giggle, before instantly lowering his head to offer some non-verbal apology. but to his surprise, you laugh along. “yeah, i really wanna score a job at the MET or something. i don’t mind either way,”

luke nods politely, letting the conversation continue without interrupting with a snide comment or unsolicited laughter.

he plays along as the conversation continues, pretending he doesn’t want to grab you by the throat and push you against the wall, demanding you to confess. demanding you to tell the fucking truth; that you’re a manipulative sycophant who’s bound to end up in rehab for getting addicted to designer drugs.

why is he the only one that sees you for who you truly are? gods, if he knew any better he might be charmed. you were naturally picturesque- or at least you seemed to be. the way that you were sitting on the grass with your hair draping over your body; you looked gorgeous. but you always look gorgeous, that’s your best quality after all.

of course all of camp half-blood was fooled- you were to pretty and kind to be lying. maybe it was better to let them keep on believing that you were this perfect image of a girl.

but he’d still appreciate the satisfaction of seeing you for who you are- seeing you in your rawest form.

and then suddenly, he saw it. some athena girl asked you if you wanted to go on a run with her later, to which you politely declined. of course, you kept your composure, told her that you had to take a nap, offered her a sympathetic smile and a ‘maybe next time’. but she didn’t see the way your eyes rolled to the back of your head as soon as she looked away.

luke was astonished. you really were getting sloppy, huh?

and yet, nobody else saw it. nobody else saw the look of disgust on your face as soon as she finished talking. he was seething- how on earth could everyone be so blind?

luke looks around at the group of people surrounding him, his eyes darting back to you ever 5 or 10 seconds. they all look at you with awe- as if you’re the most precious thing on earth.

fuck that. he was going to put you in your place.

a few hours pass, and it was finally time for everyone to walk back to their cabins.

luke spots you walking alone to your cabin, your face dimly lit by the moon as it shines over the camp. he’s so overwhelmed with anger, he couldn’t fathom caring about the consequences of whatever situation he was about to put himself in.

he quickly catches up to you, meeting your walking pace as he shoots you a friendly smile.

“hey, y/n. you got a minute?” luke asks, still adorning that charming smile. you smile back at him, nodding your head ever so gently, as if it would fall off if you moved it too fast. like a rusty elvis bobble head bought 1976 that resides on the dash of your grandmother’s busted car.

“yeah, why?” you hold your hands behind your back as you walk beside him, slowly approaching your empty cabin. luke shrugs his shoulders. “oh, i just had a little question. mind if we talk in your cabin?” he asks.

you nod, opening the door for luke and letting him walk through. you close the door behind him, before leaning your back against the wall. luke stands in front of you, his cheery demeanour vanishing as he crosses his arms.

“why the fuck are you such a little bitch all the time?”

you furrow your brows, mirroring his posture as you cross your arms defensively. “excuse me?”

luke rolls his eyes, letting out dry laughter as he looks you up and down. “you heard me,” he adds, watching you anxiously begin to pick at your lips with your freshly manicured fingernails.

“do you have a problem with me or something?” your whole body feels tense as you continue picking at your lips, your eyes locked onto his.

“yeah, i do have a problem. i’m tired of your little ‘nice girl’ act. it’s getting fucking annoying,” luke scoffed, taking a step closer towards you. your eyes darken, before shaking away your hostile expression.

“are you sure you wanna do this right now, castellan?”

“is that a threat?”

you pull your fingertips away from your lips, shifting your weight to the other side of your body as you cross your arms once more. you let silence fill the room before finally speaking up.

“listen, luke. everyone pretends to be someone they’re not. you and i just tend to do it more than others-“

luke cuts your off, taking another step forwards. “fuck off, we are not the same.”

you roll your eyes, banging your head against the wall as you groan irritably. “so what? are you gonna go around spreading cheap lies about me now?” you ask tiredly. luke shakes his head, slightly shrugging his shoulders.

“nah.” he replies curtly, his voice blunt and expression vague. “mkay, then what the fuck is your problem?”

luke takes another quick step forward, tightly holding your chin in his hand as he lifts your head to face him. “you’re my fucking problem.”

you let out a dry laugh, staring into his eyes as you attempt to intimidate him. “you’re such a loser.” you whisper, refusing to fight back against the way he’s gripping your face.

he stays silent, biting his lip as he looks over your form. “and you’re a brat.” he retorts.

“are we just going to keep throwing insults back and forth all night, or are you gonna explain why you’re so obsessed with me?” you ask playfully, cupping his face in your hand as an attempt to patronise him.

luke is stumped. to be fair, he is entirely obsessed with you. and he has been for years now. and now he has you cornered, watching your weak attempts at asserting dominance over him.

luke was over it.

suddenly, luke leans in, harshly pressing his lips against yours. you retract your hand from his face, pressing it against the wall as you feel his body moving towards you.

he wraps his other hand around your neck, only gently gripping it as to not alarm you.

luke is surprised by how you sink into his grip, pulling away to see your closed eyes and swollen lips. when you wipe your mouth and look at him with those hauntingly innocent eyes, he’s almost fooled.

you scoff, smirking as you tear away from his grip and take a few steps back. “is that all you wanted?” you say confidently, watching him turn around to watch you carefully pace around the room.

he shakes his head, groaning quietly as he walks over to you once more.

luke purses his lips, trying to suppress any sense of genuine attraction to you. but when his eyes gaze over to your red lips and flushed cheeks, he can’t help but let his mind wander.

“if you’re done, you can leave, castellan.” you say irritably, leaning against your bed frame.

it goes straight to his dick when you call him that, especially when your voice sounds so hoarse and cocky. he feels as though he’s finally accomplished what he’s been yearning to do for years now. he’s seeing the real you.

he couldn’t dare squander this opportunity now.

he pushes you down onto your bed, watching how your hair flows over your newly made bedsheets as your head hits the pillow.

“but you don’t want me to leave, do you?” luke says lowly, hovering over your body as his hand hold your wrists together above your head.

“i don’t care what you do, castellan.”

luke groans, pressing another rough kiss against your lips. you kiss back for whatever reason, and your firsts relax within his grip. it was almost as if you got off on the idea of someone calling out your bullshit. or maybe you got off on the idea of somewhat hating your guts. either way, luke knew you were more than eager to continue.

he let go of your wrists, before biting your bottom lip. your mouth opens slightly, offering entry to his tongue, deepening the kiss.

you hand cups his face, while the other grips his shoulder. after a few moments, he pulls away and begins sucking at the skin of your neck, leaving purple marks on your delicate skin while you let out hoarse whimpers.

his hands begin to fiddle with the fabric of your shirt, causing you to push his body forwards as you position yourself to sit on his lap. you take off your shirt, throwing it away as you run your hands down his back.

luke looks down at your chest, growing more aroused at the sight of your lacy little bra. it’s as if you knew someone was going to see it.

you feel a hardness growing from under his jeans, poking against your upper thigh as you slowly grind against his lap. luke let’s put a low moan, continuing to bury his face in your neck.

“i fucking hate you,” he growls, gripping the sides of your waist with his hands as you move against him.

“don’t care, take off your shirt,” you demand hurriedly, running your fingers through his hair as you tilt his head up to look at you.

luke rolls his eyes, before taking off his shirt. he quickly presses another series of harsh kissses against your neck, fiddling with the clasp of your bra as you push your chest up against his. you giggle softly at his incompetence, before he finally unhooks it and ravenously pulls it from your chest.

luke pushes your body backwards onto the bed, trailing kisses down from your neck and onto your tits. you let out a quiet moan, before biting down onto your hand in order to stifle the sound. his large hands knead your left breast, while the other grips the area just under your right breast, resting on top of your ribcage.

luke’s hands slowly move downwards, hip thumb tracing circles against the side of your hip as you gently grasp onto his hair. his fingertips gently pull down your shorts, leaving you in only your underwear.

he rubs his thumb over the wet fabric, before tilting his head to look up at you. “pathetic,” he mutters, smirking at your flushed faced. you groan, burying the back of your head further into the pillow as your back arches involuntarily.

luke’s thumb massages your clit from over the soaking fabric, watching you squirm in response. he lets out a dry laugh, before pulling down your panties and tossing them onto the floor.

“luke…” you moan quietly, closing your eyes as your hips jerk into the mattress. his fingers trace your wet folds, before letting his thumb rub circles against your clit and forcing two fingers inside of you.

you whimper before pursing your lips, rolling your head around as he slowly pumps his fingers in and out. he quickens his pace, pressing down harshly against your clit while beginning to suck on the skin of your upper thigh.

luke holds down your hip with his free hand as you begin to squirm.

suddenly, he stops.

you look at him with a confused expression, your face red as he pulls his fingers out. he chuckles at your disappointed face, before taking off his pants and boxers. you stare at his length unashamedly, biting down on your bottom lip.

“so fucking needy.” he says lowly, his voice horse as he softly begins to continue massaging your clit. you moan, feeling your back arch as he positions himself in front of your legs. he forcefully spreads them open as he teases your folds with the tip of his erect member.

you let out a little whine, your voice trembling as you try to move your hips against his length.

luke rolls his eyes at your poor attempts at penetration, before slowly pushing his cock into your entrance. you let out a breathy, high pitched moan, your hands eagerly gripping your bedsheets.

he gradually pushes in the entirety his length, continuing to rub circles into your clit. luke tightly grips your waist as he begins to slowly pull out, before jamming himself back in. you let out a breathy yelp as you body moves with his thrusts.

like continues relentlessly pushing in and out of you, massaging your waist as his thumb gradually increases the speed of its attack on your clit.

you try to steady you breathing, your face flushed as lukewarm continues to deliberately overwhelm your body.

“mm… luke, i’m gonna…” you mutter, your hips jerking upwards. he smiles at you, amused by how blissed out you look taking his cock. “so soon?” he teases, rapidly moving against your body.

you let out a stammering series of whimpers as your back arches upwards, feeing yourself suddenly release. luke grins, continuing to rub circles into your clit as he rides out your orgasm.

luke slowly retracts his thumb, repositioning the hand to gently grip your hip. he begins to slow down his movements, before quickly thrusting into you repetitively. you squirm, the movements of your hips constrained by his grip.

suddenly, he pulls out, releasing onto your stomach. see? he was a gentleman.

luke gazes over at the girl he just reduced to a panting mess as he stands up and puts his clothes back on. he smiles at you as he zips up his jeans, before kneeling besides you as you turn your head to look at him.

“i wont tell anyone how fucking pathetic you are, don’t worry, princess.”

you nod, staring at him as he continues to look at your defenceless body. “such a pretty girl,” he hums, cupping your face in his hand before kissing your forehead.

he reaches over to your discarded underwear and gently pulls them up your legs, the gesture acting somewhat as a peace offering. he takes a step back, simply taking in how endearingly stupid you look.

you slowly sit yourself up, grabbing your camp t shirt and putting it on. “goodnight, luke,” you choke out, your voice hoarse and breathing shallow. he nods, smiling softly as he turns to walk away. “night, princess.”

#luke castellan enemies to lovers #luke castellan x y/n #luke castellan x you #luke castellan fic #luke castellan smut #luke castellan imagine #luke castellan imagines #luke castellan x reader #luke castellan #luke castellan x reader smut #pjo #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy series #pjo x reader #pjo tv show

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vxnuslogy · 1 year ago

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— lost to time ft. sae itoshi

— warnings: angst, character death, slight ooc?

— author's note: a reupload of my favorite work on sae while i finish editing the next 2 chapters of my hazbin series. enjoy!

— first recording

“hi sae! i heard from rin that you’ll be leaving for spain. i’m really sorry i couldn’t come to see you off, i’ve been busy studying, you know, for exams and stuff. but that’s beside the point! i wish you all the best sae! do your best and when you come back home, you better be the world’s best striker yeah? don’t worry, everything will pass by quickly so don’t miss me too much ok?”

sae hated planes. he hated them quite a lot. in was a constant reminder of that time when he was only 14, leaving home to go to spain to live out his dreams only for it to be crushed 4 years later. sae hated the airport, it was always so busy and so stuffy and so cramped. he hated the feeling of being surrounded by unfamiliar strangers, hated the feeling of people brushing up against him even if they didn’t really mean it. sae hated winter. it was the season he severed his bond with his precious little brother after all. it was the season he turned his back on him and it was the season he had wished to never relive again.

— second recording

“hey hey guess who’s sending you another voice message? it’s me obviously, why didn’t you tell me you were back already?! if you did i would’ve picked you up from the airport!

……

is something the matter sae? you haven’t picked up any of your parents’ calls and their really worried about you. you can always talk to me remember? i’ll always be here to listen, ok? don’t bottle everything up, it’ll do more bad than good. well, i have to go now. talk with your parents every once in a while will you? ever since you left for spain you’ve pretty much cut off all contact, even with me. that’s all, good night sae.”

sae didn’t really like flowers. he thought they were a hassle. plants that require specific needs and if not met, they’ll wilt. sae was never fond of them but here he was, standing in front of the counter of a local flower shop as the elderly shopkeeper wrapped a bouquet – filled with carnations, gardenias, lilies, roses, and chrysanthemums.

everything passes.

— college; third recordings

“i got into my dream college sae! can you believe that! honestly, i was really nervous when i took the entrance exams, but thankfully i studied real hard and managed to pass! i’ll be moving into the dorms soon. i’m gonna miss home. oh and rin! i heard he got into a soccer program recently, isn’t that nice! he’s following your footsteps in becoming the best striker in the world. i know, i know, you aren’t a striker anymore but it’s still nice to know that you’re still into soccer at least. by the way, when will you come back home? i kind of miss you, you know. i never got to see you off and when you did come back i was out of town and really busy. what about we plan a meetup or something in the near future? you know, make up for the times we lost? oh, i have to go now! my parents are helping me move in to my dorm. catch you later sae!”

sae didn’t really like coming home. the house he grew up in for the first 14 years of his life felt too foreign to be called home anymore. his parents felt like distant strangers that he just met a couple weeks ago – they felt more like acquaintances than his mother and father. the photos framed around his home felt like ancient relics from thousands of years ago, he didn’t recognize them. sae didn’t recognize himself.

maybe he spent too much time in spain to the point where it felt more like home. how ironic, he began to realize. he had flown back to japan to escape from his hell that was spain but here he was, in his home, in the bedroom he used to sleep in for endless nights, wanting to go back to the place that left his heart hollow.

“there’s nothing else i could do.” he tried to convince himself as he sat down on his childhood bed, the bouquet of flowers at his side. he could only sigh and let himself fall back into the bed of his long gone home. “everything passes.”

“hey hey hey it’s me again! how have you been sae? i’d like to think that i’ve adjusted pretty well in college. made a few new friends and met some old ones. honestly, i almost didn’t recognize them! i mean, do you remember makoto from middle school. he was a such a problem child back then and now look at him! he’s a scholar now! i guess everyone just starts to become more mature after hitting 18, who knows. thank you again, for the gift. i was definitely shocked when my roommate told me i had a package from you. i can’t believe you still remember that i wanted ‘no longer human’! thank you, i’ll be sure to treasure it. well, that’s all for today. call you some other time sae!”

everything passes.

— drunk recordings; the words i wish i could’ve told you sooner

“how do you work this again? ah got it! hehe, hi again sae! i’m at a party right now, man maybe you were right, i do have shit alcohol tolerance. but it’s fine. don’t worry, i’m already on my way home and the driver isn’t some creepy dude that might kill me.

……

you know, i like you very much but i don’t think you’ll believe me. i know i jokingly said that we should marry each other if we aren’t dating someone if we hit our 30s, but i kinda wanna marry you even if we aren’t 30 yet. is that weird? i really miss you. please come home.”

……

“hello? god that was so embarrassing… sorry, could you just forget about what i said in the last recording? um just, gosh i don’t even know. denying it won’t really help right haha… it’s in the past now so don’t mull over too much ok? please, just disregard that last recording. i’m really sorry, it was just me being drunk.”

sae did not in fact disregard that recording. in fact, sometimes in the dead of night he’d think about it and wonder, if he had replied to that specific recording would things have ended differently?

sae didn’t like deep and evoking questions about ‘what if’s’, he finds them annoying most of the time. and yet here he was now entertaining the idea. bouquet in hand as he casually walked around the neighborhood that the both of you had grew up in. the same twists and turns, same houses, same playground, same everything.

yet the silence was too loud, even for him.

everything passes.

— graduation recordings

“well, i think it’s safe to say i survived. i graduated sae, are you proud? man i still can’t believe i was a few point from getting the valedictorian spot but oh well. alls well that ends well i suppose. i heard you won your recent match congratulations mr best midfielder! kinda wish i was there to see it, but don’t worry! in your next match i’ll definitely save up enough money and buy those tickets to spain and your match one day! just you wait, i’ll be the screaming my lungs out and support you, i’m still your number one fan after all!”

sae had some feelings of dissatisfaction when you did not in fact get those tickets to spain and his match. maybe it was his wishful thinking but he really did wish you were there. but he knew it was impossible.

he remembered the feeling of anger and frustration running through his veins, cursing the heavens above because he felt the need to show the gods his emotions. sae hated thinking about you in that moment. he hated how he felt like he was in a new version of hell whenever you just happened to cross his mind. sae hated you very much.

everything passes.

— recordings from 2 years ago

“i’m sorry. i know you should’ve heard it from me but i guess my family beat me to it haha. to be perfectly honest with you sae, i had no plans of telling you. i’m sorry. its just, the thought of breaking the news to you. how could i ever do that to you? i’m sorry. god i’m so sorry sae.”

……

“hey. i received the gift you sent me. you didn’t have to , you know. now i kinda feel bad about having you go on break in the middle of soccer season because of me. but still, thank you. i appreciated you being here, with me. it was a refreshing feeling, talking to you again and just hanging out. work has been really stuffy and felt like i was being caged but you came. you suddenly appeared and suddenly everything was alright again. i know we only said goodbye a couple minutes ago but, i miss you already. sorry. this sounds really weird doesn’t it? anyways, thank you again for the gift. i’ll be sure to wear it everyday. that’s all, have a good night sae.”

……

“hey. sorry for calling at such an odd time. i just. i just felt a little lonely. i sound so stupid i’m sorry. good night sae.”

……

“makoto dropped by today. god he was as annoying as ever but he really cheered me up. he managed to confess to this girl he’s pining over since sophomore year. i’m happy for him. but it really got me thinking about us. i know i told you to forget about that one recording because i was drunk but now that i look back on it, i wasn’t really honest. to you and myself. i know this may be the worst timing to confess but yeah, i like you very much. since primary school, as cliche as it may sound i think it all started when you stood up for me from those bullies. now that i think about, i practically glued myself to your side ever since that day didn’t i? i’m glad you didn’t really mind that. i remember always using homework as an excuse to always have you hang out with me even though i completely understood the lesson. man, where did i get the confidence to do that stuff? but i guess those times are lost in the sands of the past i guess. oh right, sorry, i forgot you didn’t really like those type of stuff. getting all deep and whatnot. well that’s all, i’m getting pretty tired already so i’ll head to bed. good night sae.”

everything passes.

— present

“hi. thank you by the way. i don’t know, i just don’t think i’ve ever said that you recently. so, thank you. its a bit funny isn’t it? i would almost always talk your ear off every recording but this time, i can’t even find the words to say. my parents came over, talked to them a bit. rin visited as well. he’s gotten a lot taller than i last saw him, he’s probably taller than you now!

……

sae, thank you. for everything. i’m glad we stayed in touch. i’m glad we stayed as friends. thank you for making my days seem just a tad bit brighter, though sometimes i wonder what it would be like if we were, you know, dating. wonder what the difference would be. i mean we’d still talk to each other right? maybe holding hands and kisses but that’s pretty much it right? but thinking about it is useless right now. maybe in an alternate universe were actually married and adopted a cat like how we used to talk about.”

“you know, before this very moment. i accepted my fate already. i was content, i was doing fine but now. sae, i don’t want to die.”

“please remember me ok? and i’ll be sure to remember you. i’ll see you again, sae.”

“nii-chan..”

sae could only put his phone back in his pocket. his younger brother standing a good distance away from him. he could only imagine how rin looked like right now. was he pitying him, grieving with him? he’ll never know because he will never turn to look at him. not when your right in front of him.

how many times had he played all your recordings for the past 2 years? maybe a little over a 100 times? maybe close to 200 now?

sae removed all those thoughts as he placed the bouquet on the ground, the wind seemed to answer to his call – you seemed to answer to his call. despite all the pain, all the misery, all the bitter waves of grief that flooded his being whenever he played your recordings, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. he didn’t want to forget what you sounded like. your voice reminded him too much of home.

“happy birthday you idiot.” he said to you, keeping his hands in his pockets, watching the leaves of the flowers in the bouquet sway with the wind. two pieces of paper underneath it threatened to be blown away. “you said you wanted to come visit me and watch my match, well now you can.” two pieces of paper, one a plane ticket to spain the other a ticket to his upcoming match two weeks from now. “you better come watch me alright?” he could only bitterly smile.

“you’re 30 now,” he whispered, before getting on one knee. placing a velvet box in front of your gravestone. “you should’ve waited for me, you idiot.” sae could only mutter those words to no one in particular. it was as if the world had stopped for a moment, the wind had stopped howling, the sun was nowhere to be seen. he could only see you. “i wanted to marry you too, y’know.”

sae could remember every occurrence where he would sit at his balcony in spain every night after your passing. phone to his ear, listening to all your recordings. but you’ll never know how he replies to them, every single one of them with his own.

“i told the stars about you and what we could’ve had.” he chuckled, “you’re by far the hardest lesson i had to learn.”

standing up from his kneeling position, he gave you one last look before walking away. rin followed suit, but not before placing something at your grave. a pink book that you had loved till the very end.

sae hated planes, but he flew back to japan every year. sae didn’t really like flowers, but every year he’d get you a pretty bouquet. sae didn’t like coming home but if it meant getting to visit you, he’d come back over and over again. sae didn’t like reading or any deep and evoking questions but he always humored you whenever you asked him.

sae hated all those things but they reminded him too much of you to let them go.

and just like your favorite author, when osamu dazai asked to die, he simplu agreed; but just before his death, he suddenly felt obsession with life.

everything passes. just like how you’ll eventually get lost in the sands of time.

#itoshi sae x reader #itoshi sae x you #sae itoshi #sae itoshi x reader #sae itoshi x you #sae itoshi x y/n #itoshi sae x y/n #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x reader #bllk x you #blue lock angst #bllk angst #sae itoshi angst #( 🂡 ) – royal flush of stories .ᐟ

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venusandsaturnsrings · 18 days ago

Text

★彡 better off as lovers (not the other way around).

synopsis: your favourite band isn’t exactly mainstream when you first get into them, which leads to a series of encounters with the bassist and singer. partially sidelined as they skyrocket to fame, you’re forced to grind your heels into the dirt against his whirlwind lifestyle to decipher what exactly you are.

contains: 9.1k words of modern band au with singer/bassist mydei, fem/afab reader, strangers to groupie and musician to lovers LMAO, reader is kinda a loser but he's into that, slightly ooc mydei, oral, pinv, creampie, slight angst, death before i give up FOB references, and annoying Phainon.

You’re sniffling through the tail end of allergy season when you first stumble upon ‘ICHOR’, a small band, through a random autoplay slew of songs as you're groggily cleaning up the nest you made while sick. It’s some sort of unpolished grungy post-hardcore pop rock amalgamation you can’t quite put your finger on but it's good; really good. You end up replaying it once or twice before just putting it on loop and spending the next half hour of cleaning listening to those same three minutes over and over again. The singer has a strong voice and the instrumentals come in with a depth that scratches your brain just right.

Once the space is tolerably clean, you begin your research into this band and slide through their whole discography before you know it. You come to know a couple of things. Firstly, the most popular song they’ve released has barely grazed a thousand streams and you’re at least ten of them. Secondly, they're from a town only about an hour away. Lastly, heavens above the leading man, who you’ve learned is named Mydei, is hot. Dangerously so. The kind of hot that you’d risk it all for. Finding his social media is nearly effortless and he’s got just under two hundred followers and many, many, many photos of himself and the other band members practicing. It’s unfortunate phone cameras haven’t developed far enough to catch individual hairs and beads of sweat from four metres away because you’re squinting and focused on the small shadow below his navel. It’s painfully enticing. Shame be damned, you hit the follow button and go back to finding all the information you possibly can on the group.

Just shy of an hour later you’re piecing together a plan to head over to one of their shows. Naturally your best friend is coming along despite their bewilderment at your sudden interest. A hotel room for the night is cheap and tickets are even cheaper. Their set starts at eleven in the evening two days from now and you’re vibrating with barely contained excitement. Even if it's a weird brief infatuation with a guy from a little band, you’re sure it’ll be fun anyways and the music is supposed to be good if it’s anything like what they’ve put out online. With plans settled you slide back to giggle and kick your feet at his pictures again, as any normal person does, and nearly choke to death at the little notification telling you he followed you back.

Sure, it’s a small band. Sure, he doesn’t have many followers. Sure, only your best pictures are posted but the endorphins are working overtime to let you know he really did return the follow. He’s seen your face. Maybe he thinks you’re pretty? Or, the more reasonable assumption, he’s assuming he must know you from somewhere. Not that it really matters why, it matters that he did. Oh man are you going to be annoying about this to everyone you know for the foreseeable future.

Regardless, you’re following common stalking courtesy and not liking all of his pictures and instead just looking and going to every single photo he's tagged in and every single one of the people he follows. It’s there that you find his other band members and thank whatever higher being there is for fellow bandmate Phainon because he posts Mydei more often than he does himself and knows all of the angles. Half of you wonders if maybe they’re already a thing but there's a caption under a shirtless picture of Mydei he’s posted that says ‘ladies! look no further than @ mydeim0s if ur in need of a husband and professional cook ;p’ and the man himself has commented ‘Keep my name out of your mouth unless you’d like to get in the ring again, @ best_deliverer.’ You find his attitude charming and can’t help but giggle as if you actually know the two of them but the proof of him being single makes you unreasonably happy and you continue your perusal of his pictures. Birthday posts, practice pictures, off-guard secret snaps, and the occasional video focused on his fingers traversing the strings of his bass; it’s all going straight to your guts and the pretend romance you’ve already started writing in your head.

You sift from Phainon’s page to another member, Cipher. She’s pretty, often dressed up in things that show off her legs and you're torn between being jealous and in love but Mydei has already snatched your heart so it's imperative you don’t stray from your goal. There’s a couple photos where you can spot him in the background but nothing more and you wrinkle your nose before moving onto the next. Castorice’s page yields no results as she's got it private and you cry a bit internally. What if she's got the best ones? But you don’t dare to request to follow her, that would be weird. Having some morals, no matter how small, is important.

You think waiting until the show to really see him will be hell.

Crunched up in the passenger seat, you’re sipping on some sort of energy drink your friend handed you as soon as you flopped into the car. You’ve taken to playing all of the band's songs to them over the slightly busted and worn sound system the vehicle has. The windows are rolled down and your sunglasses are threatening to slide all the way off your face as you leisurely drink and pull at your shoelaces. Your friend had insisted on leaving at nine in the morning so you could enjoy walking around the city before the show and, while you’re positive it’ll be fun, you’re still not fully awake. That’s your fault for staying up to ogle at Mydei again. Sleepiness aside, the excitement still hasn’t slipped away and you’re praying for some sort of hot and heavy eye contact at the least at the concert, more than would be welcome.

The drive is uneventful and checking into the hotel even moreso. Beds assigned and bags thrown to the floor, you agree on coming back to the hotel prior to the show to freshen up before heading out.

It’s not a huge city by any means but it’s bigger than your hometown and that's enough to make it feel like a different dimension. The downtown area has a slew of shops pressed up tightly against each other and all the tiny trinkets are hurting your already small wallet but how could you ever pass up the tiny plush seal that practically begged you to take it home with its big soggy boba eyes? You’re not heartless but you are drinkless when you go face first into the chest of someone as you cradle the small creature maternally. The can falls to the pavement loudly and you can feel the sticky drink seep into your clothes as you fumble for an appropriate apology to the person you’re avoiding eye contact with. Silence greets you so you dare to look towards their face and almost join your drink dead on the ground. Of course. You just had to soak the man you’d definitely not been weird about, Mydei. He’s not frowning or visibly angry, but he’s staring at you and suddenly you understand what it must be like to be a fish in a tank.

His eyes are golden like the sun above your head or the wedding jewelry your mum never let you touch and your heart almost stops in your chest. He’s even more handsome in person, now stained shirt and all. When your brain finally kicks back into gear you clear your throat to get out a more cohesive apology.

“I uh… I wasn’t looking where I was going… Sorry. Do you,” you pause unsure of what help you could possibly offer as the only thing your brain is coming up with is licking him clean, “can I help at all? I’ve probably got napkins somewhere in my bag.” You busy yourself to search for them as he stays silent and part of you thinks he might just snap your neck and be over with it but his voice, low and slightly gravely, cuts through your thoughts.

“It’s fine,” you look up in time to catch him licking his lips, “I wasn’t looking either, a mutual fault.” You nod in response, still feeling like you should be lashed for your sins. “Cute seal,” it takes you a moment to process what you think is a compliment of sorts and your heart sings even if it wasn’t actually about you. The seal is close enough.

“Oh! Thanks it’s uh… Yeah, I thought it was cute too. Obviously. I bought it,” your hands are sweating and your mouth is dry, “hasn’t got a name yet. Would letting you pick work as an apology?” It’s not exactly a joke but you hope it’ll lighten what you feel like is a gratingly awkward encounter. His small chuckle and the sight of his lips quirking up makes him even more handsome, you think. He laughs subtly, it sounds the way coffee smells and marshmallows taste. You notice his eyes turn into little crescents when he smiles. It’s painfully cute and you feel like you’ve stepped into the orbit of something truly special. Mydei hums thoughtfully.

“It would. How about,” his eyes cast back down to the plush in your arms. If it had a voice you think it would be crying for the love of its new father. “Pebble?” You almost swoon. It’s a silly name and everything you could want as you nod vigorously which earns you another perfect laugh from him. You’re looking more at the necklace he’s wearing than his face but you can still feel the way his gaze presses into you without faltering. “Are you from here?” The question catches you a bit off guard but you shake your head.

“No, just visiting,” you tell him your actual town with a slight grimace, “small getaway trip I suppose. Nothing fancy.” Mydei nods along with his eyes still fixed on you.

“Any particular reason,” he prods, “for the trip, I mean.” You’ve been found out, you think. He knows you’re a freak. He looked at your face long enough to remember which would be nice if he wasn’t prompting you like a cop. You think about joining your drink on the ground for the nth time but manage to force out a stiff laugh that definitely sounds forced.

You run through a litany of excuses but the truth is valuable in the situation. No need to dig your grave deeper than the already allotted and shoveled six feet. “Oh, yeah, I guess,” the words come out a bit too breathless for your liking, “wanted to check out this music thing.” It would be a nonchalant answer if you didn’t know that he knew that you knew. Maybe the can will swallow you itself.

“Figured,” you can hear the amusement in his voice so you look up again in hopes that at least you can appreciate his smile again before you die, “see you tonight, then.” You catch the slightest hint of his cologne as he walks away and you’re left to figure out if that's a good thing or bad thing.

The evening rolls in and your friend is still giggling occasionally across the hotel room. They had watched the whole scene between you and Mydei unfold, much to your horror, and thought it was apparently the pinnacle of both comedy and romance. You thought otherwise but his smile and laugh haunted each crevice of your mind; it was all you could think about.

It wasn’t as if you were getting dolled up, the show was supposed to be in some half underground dingy bar, but you needed to not be sticky and the hot shower was helping with that and working to clear your mind. Logically you knew your run in was a one time encounter and he likely wouldn’t even remember you amongst all the other people in the crowd but the sliver of hope that maybe he would made you want to curl up into a ball on the bathroom floor.

Clean, dry, and in not soda soaked clothes, you put on your shoes with a sigh and repeated the mantra of ‘phone, wallet, keys,’ until you were positive there was no chance you’d leave anything behind. Scrappy tickets in your pocket, you finally left with the soundtrack of laughter and nerves.

The venue is dark and the floors don’t even resemble wood anymore. You’re stood to the side idly chatting with some cheap liquor in a plastic cup. It stings like rubbing alcohol and the taste isn’t much better, barely covered with a flavour you can only liken to indistinguishable fruit. It’s sweet and burns, settles warm in your chest and stomach, but it gives you something to focus your senses on that isn’t noise.

You take note of the crowd, mostly young men, and cringe a little bit at all the looks you’re obviously getting. Trying to look as unapproachable as possible, you duck your head a bit lower and check your phone which reads ten-fifty-five. A sigh of relief passes your lips knowing skeevy eyes will be off you soon enough. As if on cue, everyone turns to the stage as a snare rings across the room. Front and center stands Mydei.

He’s giving the microphone an irritatingly intimate groping as he adjusts it slightly and the bass slung across his front makes you jealous but you remember, although awkward and unintentional, you’ve also been that close to him. It gives you a weird sense of pride. He’s outfitted, rather not outfitted, in nothing more than a pair of low-rise pants and some jewelry. On any other musician you’d find it tacky but he makes it work. His gaze is searing when he looks up and takes in the crowd that’s cheering for his band. The small tilt of his mouth into a smirk is more intoxicating than your shitty drink. You skim over the rest of the band who are all more clothed than Mydei is. They look good, just not as good as him. His voice is just as nice when he addresses the room.

“Nice evening, isn’t it?” He sounds casual and a conglomerate of agreements sound out that has his smirk grow a touch wider. “We appreciate the turnout. Best we’ve had so far,” his head tips to one side and his hair looks like the softest thing in the world, “hopefully we don’t disappoint.” You don’t think anything could let you down now.

The music is just as good in person as it is through your phone. It’s better in person, honestly, and you’re still stuck to the wall humming and swaying lightly. The throngs of people are dancing and hollering but you can appreciate the view more from your stationary spot. From one song to the next, you think Mydei must have been a siren of sorts in a past life; he has the voice of one. His eyes slide across the crowd with every line and change in expression. Some are powerful, some are cocky, and some are deeply emotional. He smiles at all the people and you wish you could bottle it up and keep it forever. It’s when his gaze finally finds you that your heart beats out of your chest.

His eyes linger on you, not moving, and you think he smiles a bit wider than he has all night. The lyrics slide past his lips with ease, “you’re a canary, I’m a coal mine,” and you wish it was written about you but his sight doesn’t let up. What you thought would be maybe a brief glance stretches into a dozen seconds and you probably look dumbstruck but he’s staring and so are you. It’s nice.

When the music sadly lets up and the band says their thanks and goodbyes, you sigh out in disappointment but promise yourself you can always go to another show. Turning to your friend who looks ready to explode from the earlier look shared between you and Mydei, you’re ready to leave with a sad look when a hand hits your shoulder. You jerk away in shock and whip around to see a man. Irritation almost turns into a sharp question on your part but the mint haired man says Mydei wants to see you. This guy is the band's manager and Mydei asked for you. Your friend shoos you off with the promise of seeing you later and you let the man lead you back past the security to the green room.

The green room is bright with laughter as the band winds down from the show and shares the joys of performing. You feel like an intruder as you step in after the manager and all of their eyes land on you. Their smiles remain, though, and Phainon shoots a knowing look of sorts to Mydei who gestures for you to now follow him and you end up in a cramped space outside the building but away from any prying eyes, band members or others. He doesn’t speak up yet, opting to pull out a cigarette and lighter. Two inhales later his focus turns to you fully.

“Wasn’t sure you’d show up after this afternoon,” he breathes out with the smoke, “thought you might’ve been too mortified.” You laugh dryly and his smile is easy and relaxed.

“I’m not a coward. I’m just,” an unusually bold urge came over you and you plucked the cigarette from his lips to place it between your own, “not exactly confident at the best or worst of times.” The smoke is cool, menthols, and you think it suits him. His eyes follow to your lips and he leans in to steal it back. His nose grazes yours teasingly and he’s still smiling as his lips almost touch the corner of yours. Mydei pulls back for another lung full and is polite enough to exhale away from your face before he leans back in and takes in your face. He hums a tune you don’t recognize while his eyes travel from each detail to the next even as he turns away to take in the last of the cigarette but rather than blowing the smoke away, his other hand comes up to part your lips with his thumb and the smoke travels from his mouth to yours. It’s intimate and you love it. You wish he’d just kiss you but he doesn’t and straightens back up to his full height while he crushes the butt under his heel and moves a stray hair from your face.

“No one’s always confident,” it almost feels like patronizing advice but you don’t mind if it’s from him. “You should be more, though,” he hums another few notes as you finally have the strength to let your eyes wander down his still sweat sheened and muscular chest. “You’re pretty,” it seems natural coming from his mouth, “got an unforgettable face.” You let it go straight to your head and guts with a shaky but overjoyed smile.

That night ends with you in his metaphorical bed, it’s his car, and brimming with barely contained happiness.

It’s just shy of a week later that you get a message from him. You hadn’t wanted to send one first in fear that he’d air you but the little notification sends your heart into overdrive.

It’s not a long one, but it feels good. ‘Got a show near you tomorrow. Come by and I’ll give you a free ticket.’ The offer is beyond enticing and you feel blessed that you just so happen to be free. It takes everything in you not to send back some sort of Shakespearean love confession but you play it cool with ‘say less. i’ll be there :) look forward to seeing you again’ and take a chance with a follow up. ‘give me an even better performance than last time and i’ll have a reward prepared.’ It’s teasing and you doubt he’ll take it seriously but he promises to blow it out of the water.

This time you’re alone as you get to the venue. Mydei had offered a single ticket and you were too embarrassed to ask for another plus you didn’t want to burden your friend knowing you’d likely make them leave alone again. He’d instructed you to head to the backdoor at ten and that same manager would be there to let you in. True to his words, he was there and held the door open for you with a sigh. You said your thanks and were led backstage where you’d get to watch up close from the comfort of behind the curtains and, despite his clear disinterest in you, his manager spoke.

“Don’t be a distraction,” you think it’s supposed to be scolding but it registers closer to flattery. Mydei had found himself distracted by you? You’d twirl your hair if you weren’t in public.

The back view of him as he walked on stage was delightful and the side view you got as he performed was just as good as the front. You noticed he had a habit of leaning back, letting the bass rest angled against his hips in a way that made your stomach flip. He casted you a sidelong glance at least once each song and you grinned back the whole time. You wish he’d never stop looking at you as each lyric went in your ears like a drug.

“You’re the only place that feels like home.”

“Robbing lips and kissing banks under this moon.”

“Better off as lovers.”

Not a single line goes unappreciated by you. Some of the lyrics made you fumble over your own lips but that didn’t matter when his voice kept you on track. Every syllable felt perfect and every strum of his bass was like heaven. If you weren’t excited for some more personal time, you’d never want him to even think of stepping out of the spotlight.

He walked away from the stage smiling at you and shining with sweat and adrenaline. You had to admit this show was better than the last somehow and you weren’t sure if it was because it really was a bigger effort or if it was due to the impending post show romp you’d get to star in yourself. Either option was good and either option made you feel special. He slides the instrument slightly to the side to slot one hip against you as he leans down to talk straight in your ear over the clamoring of the crowd and his band mates.

“Do I deserve that reward?” He doesn’t need to ask but he does and it’s paired with a self assured smile fueled by lingering laughter. You nod with a grin of your own and let your lips brush across his chest; a taste of what’s to come. Mydei grabs your hand in his and leads you away to pack up his guitar and throw it at Phainon with instructions to take it home and a threat to be careful with it. You’d feel bad if Phainon himself didn’t laugh and mock salute in response as Mydei tugged you away again.

The air has a bite when you step out of the building and you don’t share any words until you’re both tucked into the backseat of his car. It’s some old model but it’s pristinely clean so you have no complaints. He’s parked himself behind the building with the back end against a dumpster; the peak of privacy. What a gentleman.

It feels natural and instinctual when you slide yourself onto his lap. Your hands land on his shoulders, still bare, and you take a moment to massage them lightly with a lazy smile and growing arousal. He sighs out at the touch and his own hands find purchase on your hips. He’s gentle in how he handles you, gripping hard enough to ground you but not enough to hurt. You’re admiring his tattoos when he shifts to pull your lips against his own. They slide and lock together like puzzle pieces. You feel his nose against your own and his tongue slide languidly into your mouth. It’s wet and slow and God it feels good. Briefly, you think he’s like a cat in how he’s kneading at your body but when he lets out a sigh that tapers off to a groan into your mouth you’re brought back to how his hips are pressing up.

One of your hands slides down to palm over him generously as he pants against your mouth and moves himself to grope at your chest and push up your skirt. His large hand cups your heat and the heel of his hand grinds into you which pulls an embarrassing whine from your throat but he smiles against you so it can’t be that bad.

Mydei has a distinct style, and yes you love it, but you’d never really realized how much of a pain it is to undo the three different belts, four buttons, and two zippers on his current pants until now. It doesn’t help that you’re on top of him as you blindly fumble at the array of closures. Your brows furrow and he laughs at your struggle before pulling his mouth back from yours, unfortunately, to lend his professional assistance. It looks effortless when he gets them all taken care of and it feels good the way his hips buck up to slide his pants and boxers down but you pray that you get really good at belts and buttons fast before the next time.

His hands pull you upwards to slide your own shorts and panties off harshly and you have half the mind to ask for thanks for your super considerate and definitely deliberate choice in easy to remove clothes but then his mouth is on yours again and his calloused fingers are running along your slit. A shaky moan fans across his face and his lips curve into a smile while the tips of his fingers swirl around your bud.

“Please,” you don’t even process it before it leaves your mouth and you’re not even sure what you’re begging for but he lets out a huffed ‘aww’ before pulling you flush against him to rub his tip back and forth to gather your slick. You’re impatient and clearly so is Mydei as he helps you slide down on him. It’s not an easy fit but his thumb is smoothing over your clit nicely and his lips are on your neck; an efficient distraction. A couple more beats of your whines pass before you bottom out. His teeth graze your neck and you feel him swallow at the full contact finally being reached.

You brace your hands firmly on his shoulders as you start slowly, rocking your hips against him. It’s a warm up of sorts before you rise upwards and drop back down. The feeling causes your back to bow and a shudder to race along your spine. Mydei’s thumb stills for a moment against you at the sensation and the deep moan he lets out against your damp skin is addictive. You repeat the motion until you’ve built up a steady pace. Wet skin smacking together again and again, your own cries of pleasure, and his reverberating groans fill the car. Your positive the vehicle is shaking and you can see the windows fogging up in the back of your vision but your eyes are too focused on him.

His hair is thoroughly tousled, you feel his earring against your neck, and the red ink extending down his back compliments the small indents your nails are leaving along his shoulders. Mydeimos is beautiful and right now he’s all yours. You almost wish you could feel his face but if his body was separate from being flush to yours for even a second you fear you’d float away; he’s keeping you grounded. Imagination is a wonderful thing so you think about the way his mouth is parted, how his eyes are certainly squeezed shut, how drool must be sliding down his chin, how he must be thinking of nothing but you as well. It's enough to have you moving with renewed vigor, coming down onto him heavier and basking in his sharp intake of air.

Mydei grabs onto your hips even harder, finally leaning back and confirming all of your suspicions of his expressions in favour of being able to push himself up into you. He matches the pace you’ve set with ease, his hips clapping harshly against yours. The muscles of his arms and stomach flex deliciously with the effort he puts into the motions. He’s hissing through his teeth, head tipping back further practically begging you to put your mouth along the skin. So you do. You lean down and press wet kisses along the flesh, stopping along the sides to suck pretty bruises into him. Ones that you hope will last, that he won’t cover up in the following days. The blooming of mottled purple and blue eases a possessive urge you hadn’t even taken note of over the pleasure building inside you. Mydei pushes his hips upward at a slightly different angle that knocks the wind out of you, your vision blurs slightly and an embarrassingly loud cry is ripped from your throat. You barely register the smirk that splits open on his face past your own shock as he continues at that same angle, putting pressure exactly where you need it. His continued assault has you fumbling for purchase on his shoulders, a slew of ‘please’ and ‘close’ leaving your lips. The only response he seems capable of himself is something akin to ‘yeah’ with a raspy uptick as he doesn’t slow down in the slightest.

A particularly harsh thrust is what pushes you over that edge. You vaguely register tears dripping past your lashes while your vision dances with stars, none brighter than him, and watery moans stream endlessly from your mouth. His own climax follows soon after. He grunts low and from his chest as his hips press and shake into you, a distinct wetness growing and spilling out. There's no tact in how he moves one hand to better admire the way he's stuffed inside of you, fingers playing with your sensitive folds to see just where you’re connected. He pulls and plays with the soft flesh, humming as he does until he finally helps you off but his fingers don't stray for too long in favour of pushing what he spilled back inside of you with slow and through movements. It’s almost romantic.

You begin talking regularly. He asks for your number that night before dropping you off at home and you’re thrilled to hand it over.

Most of your texts are trivial and silly things. You spend lots of time interrogating each other to get closer, he likes sending you photos of his cooking, and you like telling him about the books you’re reading. He promises to check out each of them and you promise to test all of his recipes.

It becomes a routine of sorts. You spend all your spare time texting and calling, at least once a month you get raunchy after going to one of his bands shows, and it feels good. It’s easy and it’s comfortable but you can’t ease that weird gnawing of wondering what exactly is this relationship you’ve developed? You think it’s obvious you like him beyond a friend or fuck buddy but his feelings are hard to read and asking is like a humiliation ritual. Your brain worries over what could or couldn’t be but ultimately you decide it’s best to wait everything out a little bit longer in hopes you can suddenly develop some courage to voice your thoughts. Besides, maybe Mydei is in the same predicament. Or maybe he isn’t but imagining he is makes it a bit easier for you to cope with all the things that make you want to scream and thrash around.

It’s that exact train of thought that gets interrupted by a notification from the man himself. He’s asking if you’d like to come stay with him for the weekend and it’s paired with some sort of fancy dessert as if you’d need further convincing; just him was enough. You’ve never really spent time together in person but there’s a first for everything and maybe you’ll be greeted with an elaborate love confession and the cutest blushing Mydei the world has ever known. Pipedreams are funny things.

He picks you up Friday morning in that same car you’ve gotten busy in numerous times but now you get to sit in the passenger seat. His radio and sound system might be even worse than your friends but you mind significantly less as he’s telling you about the history of each and every song that comes over the speakers. By the time he’s finished explaining one, you’re already three songs later and occasionally he makes you go back to one that he’d talked over because you just can’t miss it. It’s charming how he seems determined to share all these little pieces of knowledge he’s accumulated and you’re down horrendously hanging off every word. It’s an hour long drive but it feels like only seconds when you get to stare at him and you’re only broken out of your reverie when it’s time to get out.

Your first thought is that this certainly isn’t a house or apartment building. Mydei parked his car around the back of some place that, when he unlocks the back door with a bent key he has to force in, you realize is a restaurant of some kind. The air is warm and scented like bread, coffee, and syrup. It’s not some huge establishment but it’s clearly well loved. He shuffles in behind you with a slightly strained smile across his face before explaining.

“I, or we, live upstairs,” he pauses to shout some sort of response to someone's question, “my family runs and owns this place. Breakfast type thing. Closes at one.” A lightbulb suddenly goes on over your head. All of his cooking being so professional suddenly makes sense. He’s been doing this his whole life and, by the sounds of it, gets nervous about people knowing. But he’s not only telling but showing you.

Mydei grabs your hand in his and gently tugs you along up some stairs and down some hallways. He has to pause to open a door occasionally with those same bent keys and you feel unbelievably special.

Finally, you arrive at what's his room. It’s not huge by any means but you can tell it really belongs to him. It smells like cinnamon, sage, and musk with that same syrupy sweetness seeping in. There’s a corner dedicated to his instruments; his favourite bass front and center with two different amps. A couple more sit on the walls alongside some framed pieces of memorabilia. Setlists, posters, and other bits you can’t quite recognize. His desk is against a different wall, tidy and neat with only a few papers unceremoniously on top and next to is a television with a large collection of movies underneath. Some are DVD’s others are VHS. Evidently, it's another collection of sorts you feel lucky to see. Across is his bed and it feels weirdly scandalous to see but it’s nicely made and you mentally sob a bit seeing that he actually has not only a bed frame and sheets but a duvet and four pillows. Four of them. Mydei once again has proved himself to far surpass any other man on the face of this planet and probably beyond. You note other uninteresting things, his closet, and a rug until your eyes land on the shelf above his bed. There’s a water bottle and a pair of glasses but who cares about that when there's a stack of books, all of them ones you’d recommended. You’re smiling like you’ve won a million dollars and you see Mydei turn away with red creeping up his ears. You can’t help yourself but tease. “Seems we’ve got a similar taste in literature,” you step closer to him as he concentrates really hard on setting your bag down, the one he insisted on carrying for you, “I’m flattered, really.” Your voice softens out as to not too badly embarrass him despite how much you’d love to see that same rouge crawl down his neck and chest. He grumbles out some sort of reply about how he means what he says and you do, in fact, have fantastic taste. You giggle and barely suppress the urge to poke his cheek in favour of throwing yourself into the chair with a sigh. He visibly relaxes at that and leaves saying he’ll grab something for you both to eat and drink.

You come to learn his family, parents as he’s an only child, are gone for the weekend. They were invited to some sort of event he didn’t really bother to remember the details of but he figured it would be the best time to have you over. He stumbles over his words to explain it’s not because he just wants to sleep with you but because his parents would grill him for more information on you. Apparently, he’s never had a girl over in his life that wasn’t Castorice or Cipher and he doesn’t want you to be tortured with whatever childhood stories they’d be eager to share. You’re a touch disappointed you won’t be privy to baby Mydei yet but the world isn’t ending tomorrow so there’s still time. Before your inevitable wedding, of course.

He pulls out some cheap liquor and you think if not a brunch place, then he should be behind a bar because you don’t taste a drop of alcohol and you’re on the brink of shitfaced with him. Some sort of slasher is on the TV and you’re in a weird pile of limbs on his bed with him laughing about something you don’t really remember. He’s warm and one arm is around your middle as you giggle like kids. You changed clothes after spilling some of your drink down your front and Mydei insisted you wear one of his shirts instead of another of yours in the name of comfort. The graphic on the front is worn out but it's soft and he’s had it on countless times. You feel dizzy with happiness.

At some point he ends up on top of you with his lips on your neck. You don’t remember what led up to it but he’s laughing into your skin and leaving a trail of bruises and bite marks as you play with his hair and sigh with each press of his mouth. He says you both shouldn’t go further while drunk. You almost whine but know he’s right so you settle to have him lather you with kisses before returning the favour.

You wake up the next day with a headache but nothing more besides the bruises covering your neck as evidence of your drinking. Mydei makes pancakes and it’s painfully domestic as you watch from the table. You’ll have to get him a new apron for his birthday as the one he’s wearing has at least a dozen holes in it and is just plain black. He needs something cuter most definitely.

Eating together is nice and you’re leaning over his shoulder as he mulls over what he should post next for the band. His eyebrows are furrowed and he's pressing a bunch of different buttons when you bring up the concept of video content. He throws you a hesitant look so you explain further. Algorithms and people love video content. They love getting to see things in action and, as a band, showing off what they actually make should be paramount. Mydei nods along and moves to his camera roll where he actually does have a variety of videos saved of the band. Some are serious performances, some are practices, and some are Phainon throwing drumsticks straight into his eyes. You huff out a laugh.

It takes some time and by the time but you eventually piece together a pretty cute video that sort of acts like an introduction to the band. By the time you’re done Mydei’s coffee is cold but you’re both proud of the fruits of your shared labour. He sends it to the bands group chat for approval before posting it a couple different places as per your suggestion before throwing his phone on the table and standing to collect the dishes.

You help him wash them up and only whip him with a towel once. The soap he flicked into your eyes was worth it for his expression when the towel cracked against his ass and you swear he smiled just hearing you laugh. It’s all stupidly domestic.

You’re sad when you have to take off his shirt to get dressed for the day. With a tearful dramatic parting, you switch into your own clothes but Mydei promises he’s got more shirts and you’re already coming up with a plan to make his whole wardrobe yours. He’s wearing some sleeveless shirt and, for once, jeans with no extra bits and a pair of sunglasses is shoved onto his head. He’s promised to take you out to his favourite spot to write songs so he holds your hand out to his car, the other one keeping his acoustic on his shoulder. You think he likes holding hands, you hope he never lets go and he doesn’t; at least until you have to get out of the car again.

The view lets you see all the way down to where forest meets beach meets water. You’re admiring the tops of trees and sparkling water as Mydei folds down the back seats so you can both spread out. He keeps the back open as the two of you lay in comfortable silence. He’s picking at chords and humming along, you’re thinking of how any sound he makes could be the soundtrack to your life right now and you’d die happy. Something about ‘love’ and ‘no one else’ passes his lips and maybe it’s about you.

You groan waking up the next morning but someone’s shaking you hard so dozing back off is impossible. The someone in question being a very bewildered looking Mydei who isn’t phased at all by you trying to swat him away while grumbling. Instead, he shoves his phone into your face. It would be annoying if you didn’t see all of the dots and notifications lighting up his screen. You blink dumbly a couple times while opening and closing your mouth like a fish. He mentions ‘the video’ and you realize that this is the response. People have seen it, lots of them, and liked it. You smile and laugh and he’s got the traces of a grin but is clearly too shocked to fully commit. Sitting up, you pluck the phone from his hands and look through all of the comments and influx of followers and likes. You remember the names of some of the bands he likes and a couple of members have given the video their approval so you show Mydei and he almost passes out. There’s far too many comments thirsting after him for your liking so you definitely one hundred percent don’t delete the ones you see.

He’s pacing the room and running both his hands through his hair when you look up again. Clearly, processing this is a lot and you can’t blame him. At this point hundreds of thousands of people have seen his band. It’s a huge deal. There’s a gross feeling in your chest that says he won’t be just yours anymore but you stuff it down; it’s irrational and unfair to feel like that. Instead, you placate him with some reassurances, kisses all over his face, and a promise to make sure only good photos are posted by paparazzi. He wrinkles his nose at the last part but he’s really smiling finally so it’s a win.

You’re busy making him swear not to forget you when he’s famous when his phone starts ringing. Mydei doesn’t seem eager to answer it and tilts the screen to show you; it’s his manager. You can only give a sympathetic smile as he puts it to his ear with a grimace. He’s obviously expecting yelling based on his expression but is pleasantly surprised and pulls the phone away to put it on speaker for you to listen in on.

“You’re stupendously lucky. I’ve had about three different labels bombarding my email with questions and requests and I loathe to think how there’s soon to be more,” you hear a deep sigh, “I’ll have to go through them all then create a more concise list of what they’re offering and asking before sending it for you and the other fools to look over. I can tell you already, there’s some very good looking things here.” You decode he’s talking about record deals. Part of you is surprised they’re already getting offers but the other part knows being early to these things makes labels the most money. Mydei nods along before saying goodbye and looking at you again with his jaw slack.

You’re reminded of how you felt when you first met once more. You’re most definitely in the orbit of something special.

After that weekend Mydei isn’t texting you as much. He isn’t calling and no more new shows have been lined up with how busy the band is signing contracts so you don’t see him then either. It feels weird not to have him so prominently in your life but all you can do is brush off your worries and convince yourself he’ll be back and apologize for his absence soon enough. He’ll tell you all about how he gets to make music in a real studio and how the whole band is excited for what’s next. But one week of radio silence turns into two. Then three. Then a month and you’re pretty sure he’s overwritten you in favour of his new life as a rockstar.

You’ve kept up on his posts as well as the rest of the bands and they’re pulling in thousands of likes and comments. You see them practicing somewhere much nicer and, evidently, their manager doesn’t mind keeping all of the horny comments about Mydei up. Jealousy is nasty and it’s all you feel. You spent the better part of a year siphoning all of your support into him and sacrificing your desire for a real relationship and now he’s airing you like it’s second nature. You’re absolutely green. But it really hits when you check on Phainon’s post and see him joking with fans about how Mydei is ‘painfully single’ and ‘in need of love’. Did you ever agree on a label? No, do you still feel betrayed? Yes, very. All you can do is sigh and put your phone down.

Mydei is smacking Phainon on the back of the head for his comments where they’re sitting in the new studio. Is it embarrassing knowing that he’s been to nervous to confess his feelings to the girl he started fucking that he knew because she was a fan of his? Terribly so, but Phainon taking advantage of his feelings to egg him on into actually telling you made it all even worse. He knew you’d see them and he knew he’d been accidentally ignoring you in favour of other things but now he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. The rock being his inability to confess and the hard place being Phainon. Mydei dragged his hands down his face with a heavy sigh, knowing he had to do something before you blocked him out of your life altogether.

It’s four in the morning and two months since you last spoke to Mydei when you hear something at your window. It’s an uneven tapping sound and, as someone who’d be first to die in a horror movie, you pull yourself out of bed to go look. Lo and behold, the man himself stands there with a handful of pebbles. You blink a couple times before sighing and making some sort of gesture you hope reads as ‘give me a second’ and turn to head out to see what he could possibly want after ghosting you then showing up at such an ungodly hour. If you were a pettier person you’d have flipped him off and gone back to bed but some feelings never die and Mydei has your heart under lock and key even if you’re pissed.

He looks unusually uncomfortable when you stumble out the door to stand in front of him but softens a bit as he looks at your shirt. It’s then you realize it’s actually one of his shirts you’d stolen.

“Oh. Do you want it back,” you ask with a yawn while rubbing the remaining sleep from your eyes. You hope it sounds nonchalant but you’re very chalant about all of this. “I forgot it was yours, sorry. I’ve got a couple others I can grab to give back.” He shakes his head hard and fast.

“No no God no, keep them all,” he pauses for a moment, “You can have more even if you want. As many as I have.” He sounds out of breath as he speaks, “I’m sorry,” it comes out strained and you fear he might cry, “for all of it. I never meant to ignore you and Phainon does nothing but spout stupid shit.” The confession hurts your chest.

“Right, I figured out the Phainon part a long time ago but ignoring me? Leaving me to try and figure out if I ever meant anything to you? If I really was just some stupid groupie who thought maybe you liked me? If it was just some massive ruse to get your dick wet,” you take a deep breath, “Mydei, I’m tired and angry so I’m going to be terribly honest; I really have felt things, love, for you. And having it all shoved down the drain? Hurt. Badly.” Tears sting your eyes but getting it out had to happen eventually and your exhausted brain and heart couldn’t hold the dam anymore. Embarrassment be damned, you hope he feels bad. He nods along to your words and throws the rocks to the ground. His hands land one on your waist and the other on your face before his lips meet yours. It’s fast but surprisingly gentle and you wish you had the strength to deny him this but your face is now wet with tears and your lips are trembling against his. So, you melt against him. You soften completely and let yourself be warmed by his body until he pulls back to stare at you. The hand on your face swipes away each teardrop and his lips follow, kissing the tracks left behind.

“I’m… bad with words but it meant something to me. You mean something to me,” it’s whispered against your cheeks, “I need you. With me. Always, Like a dog needs a bone and a story needs an ending.” You click your tongue.

“…I’m a bone now?”

“The only one I want to chew on.” It’s strangely romantic but then you’re tugging him inside and he’s pushing on his shirt you’re wearing and his shirt he’s wearing. You let him.

You tug him to your room and expect him to shuck off your panties and his pants but instead he pushes you onto your back before settling between your legs. Your face flushes and you turn away but he reaches up to pull your gaze back to him. His eyes are filled with a deep yearning as he drops his head to kiss along your thighs. He’s slow and tender as he plants his lips with purpose, every peck an attempt to translate his feelings and burn them into your skin until you both die.

When his lips finally meet where you need him most you cry out louder than you had intended. It’s so much and not enough at the same time. He licks up and down slowly, pulling out all the slick he can with a deep groan before sucking harshly on the pearl he loves so much. His hands keep you spread open while his mouth works perfectly. He rotates between sweet kitten licks and languid sucks on you before he deems you ready for his fingers. One hand moves away from your thighs to gently poke and prod before sliding inside you slowly. He’s soft with how he opens you up, scissoring the pair of fingers before beginning to push them in and out. The tips massage your insides perfectly as his mouth continues to eat at you with greed. His eyes never leave your face and you can’t do anything but focus on how his mouth and throat bob with each movement; it’s mesmerizing.

Mydei only picks up his pace when he feels you push your hips up into him. He starts fingering you faster while his mouth suckles and licks with renewed vigor. He’s groaning into you loudly and your panting and whining with pleas for him to never stop. Never stop touching you and never stop loving you. If he wasn’t busy with the task at hand he’d promise over and over that he wouldn’t.

It’s sudden when the pleasure overtakes your whole body. A shiver races up your back and you sob at the feeling. You’re gushing all over his face and he’s drinking every last drop like it’s the best thing he’s ever tasted and maybe it is. His mouth doesn’t stop moving but it slows as he draws out your climax as long as he can without overstimulating you too much. He pulls away with a sigh as if he can’t bear to part from between your legs. His chin rests against your stomach while he appreciates just how beautiful you are in the afterglow. Neither of you speak for a couple minutes until you break the silence.

“I’m still mad at you,” but it comes out mumbled and slurred with elation and he chuckles.

“I know, but I’ll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you. Every single second.”

And he kisses you like it’s better than air.

#cw: power imbalance #afab reader #mydei x reader #mydei x you #hsr x reader #hsr x you #honkai x reader #honkai x you #honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x you

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no1blacksapphirefan · 13 days ago

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Hi! Uh, kind of new to this request thingy but anywho for the self-aware au, you know how you did the ancients and beasts reaction to the reader saying they're their favorite cookie? Well, can you do the same thing but with the legendaries and some super epics +epics? (Mainly Stardust cookie, Squid ink cookie and the legendaries, please!)

Also, can you do the cookies getting jealous when the reader's pet (cat, dog, doesn't really matter) interrupts them playing cookie run kingdom?

Ofcofc ^^ If anyone wants to read the beast/ancient version of this, it's here

I usually prefer if requests didn't have 2 in the one ask but I think I can kinda tie both of your requests together :)) So I hope that's okay and you don't mind :D

Squid Ink cookies part is STRICTLY platonic ONLY of course. Gotta keep adopting the small kiddos...cookie-os? Also their part won't have the getting jealous of readers pet bit

Possible OOC for a few of the cookies

Stardust Cookie Favourite? He's...you're favourite? He didn't expect that, but it isn't something he's against. He likes it, a pleasant feeling in his chest grows more and more if he hears you go on rants about him, especially once or if you give him the best toppings, beascuits ect for him. I feel like, to him. The fact you favour him so much is the closest thing he'll get to having a personal relationship with you. He doesn't think he can meet you through the screen but he's content with just watching you as you happily play.

I don't see him getting jealous of your pets, at least not knowingly. Maybe your pet comes and crawls onto the bed when you're doing some story quest with him in it. He expects you to continue but you don't, looking up he sees your attention of him. He says he doesn't mind and that is true on the most part, but he can't help but want the attention back on him after a while.

Squid Ink Tears...keep coming, they may not look like it but they're surprised and happy that you seem to like them so much. They aren't scary to you? Them constantly crying doesn't annoy you? They see you as a parental figure and constantly try their best when they're placed on your team. Even before hearing you say they were your favourite, they're so happy their efforts worked and you care for them so. (Even if them trying harder in fights didn't have anything to do with it)

Fire Spirit Hell yeah!! He's so prideful about it, he doesn't exactly brag to other cookies but it's clear with how much more brightly he glows with his flame that he loves hearing you say he's your favourite. He feels a lot of satisfaction and "repays" you by using more power in arena. Maybe he'll even give you another promotion as a thank you. He'll love to hear you scream in delight if you got double in the one pull..he'll just have to figure out how to do that.

He definitely gets jealous if an animal interrupts and suddenly captures your attention, he isn't afraid to fight for it either. He'll say random voicelines so you look over, even if you're just looking at the story. ESPECIALLY if you're only doing the story, that'll get your attention for sure!

Wind Archer Oh? He didn't expect out of all the cookies, he'd by your favourite. He's not complaining at all though and wants to hear all the reasons to why, even if it just ends up being you think he's pretty. He has to admit, when he first "met" you/first started growing aware, he found you strange. You weren't a witch, you weren't even from their world yet you seemed to show such love for the world he's in, he's gotten used to it and has grown to want to protect you in a way.

He may not show it but he does get a tiny bit jealous when your pets come by and distract you, he won't show it and he'll try to ignore it. You're allowed to place your attention elsewhere after all, besides. Just knowing he's your favourite is enough for him to settle down a bit.

Stormbringer I see her quickly telling anyone who'll listen about it, like heck yeah she's your favourite, she wouldn't have it any other way!! She thinks it's a given, it should be obvious why. Well, that's what she tells other cookies, her logic is that since the cookies have to look up to see you when in your kingdom, that you're in the skies right? And what is she? Ruler of the skies!! ((She knows it's weird logic but she brushes it off until she hears you "confirm" it))

At first I think she wouldn't particularly care if your pet comes by, then she does get a bit grumpy if your attention is on it for awhil- OMG THE CAT IS ADORABLE. She's totally a sucker for cute things, she forgot about the jealousy and now she wants to pet your lil cutie.

Frost Queen Her ears perk up, she isn't sure if she heard you correctly and silently hopes you say it again. Well she was instead met with reasons why which, technically did confirm what she had heard. She isn't sure what to think, not that she isn't flattered! She is, she thinks it's a pleasant thought to know you essentially "picked" her over others. On the other, she does still wonder why it's her you favour, despite the reasons you've ranted on about...hm, she's content though.

She seems like the silent jealous to me, she won't say anything and nothing she does shows she's starting to get jealous at how much you've been petting your dog...aside from the icy stare she has, she will say though, if it weren't for the fact you looked so happy. She might've tried to get your attention.

Moonlight Oh she's very happy upon hearing you say that and she's more than happy to listen to you list out reasons why, even if it may not be directed at her and you're just ranting about it to a friend. She wants to know so much more about you, every detail. You may not technically be apart of the cosmos but you still interest her as if you were a newly found star in her world. So hearing you say she's your favourite makes her feel beyond happy.

She does get a bit jealous when other animals interrupt you playing but she won't say anything. Depending on how long it's taking or how long it SEEMS to be taking, she may take a quick nap and dream. She isn't going to grab your attention when it's already placed on something you like after all. Don't worry, she'll make sure to come back in time before you even notice!!

Seafairy Such kind words, she will remember them until the end of time. It's a shame she can't meet you in person. Reaching towards the other side of the screen is far harder then when she attempted to reach Moonlight Cookie and she still yearns to reach her more than you, knowing this. She knows it'll be an impossible feat to meet with you that way. But she'll be contempt like this, hearing you ramble on about why you love her, the stories relating to her. As if you too were also a cookie in their world, it brings a smile to her face.

She isn't exactly the jealous type in my opinion, I think she'd want to join in with the affections you're giving your animals, they seem rather cute and they grabbed your attention rather quick. She wonders if the dogs feel different to their cake hounds or if your bird is different to the cheese birds.

Black Pearl She's a bit surprised...she half expected your reasoning to stem from who she used to be, before she was Black Pearl but when you listed them and it was just...her...who she is right now...she's a bit confused. She has made cookies fear her, she isn't as kind and loving as she was before, she was sure you'd dislike it but...you just like her for her? Feel sympathy for her?...You're a very kind human you know. For a moment, some cookies might see her break out in a genuine, sweet smile. Unlike the one she had before as she inflicted fear on the other cookies.

She gets a bit jealous when a pet comes around, especially after a long period of time. She wouldn't do anything though, not that she doesn't want too and she isn't opposed to trying to get your attention. But she doesn't think there'll be a point, there's still a screen between the two of you and as well as that, you're not aware that they know. She'd rather keep it that way...at least for now.

#✦ Zeros Self-Aware AU #cookie run kingdom #crk #crk x reader #crk x you #Stardust Cookie x Reader #Stardust x Reader #Fire Spirit x Reader #Wind Archer x Reader #Stormbringer x Reader #Frost Queen x Reader #Moonlight x Reader #Moonglight Cookie x Reader #Frost Queen Cookie x Reader #Seafairy x Reader #Black Pearl x Reader #Black Pearl Cookie x Reader

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yoshikis-cat-hairclip · 24 days ago

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♯┆How Haikyuu characters would react to random kisses from their s/o.ᐟ ༉‧₊˚. ☆

tagsજ⁀➴ᝰ.ᐟ╰┈➤.ᐟ.ᐟ tooth rotting fluff, Gn!reader,a tad bit ooc

warnings .ᐟ : use of y/n once

featuring... Hinata, kageyama, yamaguchi, tsukishima, sugawara

A/N: period cramps are kicking my ass rn so writing this was very therapeutic. Also, because of that, I did not re-read some of these so if these seem like the ramblings of a crazy person, that's why. Anyways enjoy!!!

Hinata

He LOVES kisses

get's stupidly giddy over them

yk that one meme with the girl who bites his fingers "like really??? for me??"

Yeah that's him.

It's so much worse if you just do it casually too

he freezes for a second, his mind in override before he just..

his hands twitched for a moment, eyeing y/n hard. He couldn't control himself, he really couldn't. In a flash, your face is craddled in his freakishly warm palms. Tilting your face to the side and planted a kiss on your lips.

Afterwards, when he lets go, he is mortified.

"was that okay? I took it too far, didn't I? I definitely took it too far. They're gonna hate me--"

just like his mouth his mind runs like a damn mother. Endless drabble at 1000 mpr.

It's not until you smile back at him that he's stopped in his tracks and realizes "oh..this is okay"

then it's kisses all around

I also have a sneaking almost absolutely certain suspicion he gets cuteness aggression

long and short of it? you're getting tackled and pecked and smothered.

and hey, can't be too mad right?

Kageyama

Has zero idea has to react. completely freezes up.

he's not the most...affectionate person ever as you and everyone else on the face of the planet knows and he’s also extremely touched stareved

You watch as his face blooms into a deep mauve red

But you didn’t think a kiss would be this catastrophic for him damn.

“Kageyama….?” You call with a bit of strain, waving a hand in front of him “earth to kageyama”

You might have just actually killed him ( your worry only worsened by the fact that the blush that bloomed onto his face was a pretty deep mauve red which nearly looked like he was suffocating )

But it’s in a good way, trust! Though he’d never admit that to you

After a few seconds he returns back to normal but is acting like you’re repulsive in a sense of he refuses to get closer than 6ft (maybe 4 and a half if he’s feeling generous)

Gradually, though, he’ll calm down and his hand will gently take yours, and the two of you will sit on the bench as he is having a visceral internal reaction

As your relationship progresses, he’ll get more comfortable and maybe steal a few pecks for himself

Yamaguchi

Might get a little embarrassed but wouldn’t mind too much

Admittedly, he’s not too big on pda but I mean if you really want to he’ll have no choice to accept (he want that cookie bad)

The smile that breaks through his face the moment your lips land on his cheek or forehead or..really even anywhere is absolutely beautiful

Hell he himself is perfect but hey that’s just me

He freezes up a bit and he doesn’t really have a clue what to do expect just sit there and enjoy it

It gives him just a tad bit of condifidance as its reassurance you do really like him and want him around

Later he makes the mistake of mentioning it to tsukishima offhandedly

Gets teased relentlessly, tsuki holds it over his head for at least a week. Even if he doesn’t find it funny himself he’ll do it just annoy Yamaguchi

That does get into his head though and he spends the next few days definitely thinking over on weather or not he handled that well enough

Definitely looked up some of those how to kiss and what to do when a you’re getting kissed videos. and he feels like hot shit afterwards

However everytime you do it he’s completely powerless and melts like butter. All that training goes right out the window.

he swears you do it to punish him

he'll just roll over and die if you ever stop though

Tsukishima

He knows what you're planning before you even do it.

listen, he's known you long enough to know that little shit eating grin on your face you're biting back to save face, the way your lip twitches in sheer amusement at even the notion of catching him off gaurd.

and you know what? he doesn't do anything. He just sits back and lets it happen and a soon as your lips hit him a small smirk blooms on his face

"you know if you wanted to kiss me you could just said that" he said with his head tilted up and to the side. He's damn near gloating.

not to say it didn't stir something in him. it definitely, definitely did

however...if you were to hypothetically very quickly grab him by the chin and pull him in...

The adrenaline of love in your veins and annoyance bubbling and swirling wildly in your gut combined possessed you and all caution is thrown to the wind. Your hands, moving as swift as winds in a more grab kei's jaw. your finger tips pressing into the soft skin of his jaw, your thumb on his bottom lip, sucking him down into your center of gravity and his lips landing right on yours. In a mere blink of an eye. For how cold he is, his lips are surprisingly warm. Never before have he felt more alive and real than now.

And the best part? completely caught off guard. A faint pinkish hue infecting his cheeks and nose, looking like a Renaissance woman and a pouting child all at once.

his lips plump and a scoff on his face. worsened by look of satisfaction on your face.

best believe he's not big on pda but you will be paying for this one way or another

Sugawara

Like Tsukishima, he knows that you're planning something. He has no clue what, but he knows that there's something going on in that head of yours.

He just didn't expect..that.

a shy smile creeps on his face slowly

"Now what's this about? did I do something to get this lucky"

"I'm sorry you just looked too good not to."

he's grinning like a mad man, a hand reaches towards neck and scratches his nape

from that day on he pays extra close to his appearance. I mean he always does his best to make sure he looks presentable but now? he's putting the two on the ten.

absolutely takes notes from Kyoya on what would make him look better, just in case you decide to kiss him by surprise again

and every so often you'll get a little kiss of your own.

⋆˙⟡ — Requests are always open and reblogs are always welcome!⋆˙⟡ —

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prosypepper · 9 months ago

Text

deadbeat - toji fushiguro

synopsis: too stupid and selfish for anything good to happen.

word count: 3.6k

warnings: angst, toji is an ass, marriage problems, arguements, pregnancy, like two paragraphs of smut, rushed relationships, ooc toji (probably), really bad writing, a bunch of timeskips cuz i'm lazy. (18+ mdni!)

notes: yeah this one is ass but i just wanted to make something sad/angry. much love! send me requests i'm begging </3.

edit: you can find pt. 2 here.

masterlist

toji sits on a random bench downtown. he’s thinking. he thinks he’s too self-absorbed. and he’s rude, too rude for anyone to befriend him in a genuine way. he wishes he could change. toji’s left everyone in his life behind at some point. he gets overwhelmed sometimes, seeing all the people around him that more than likely have someone or something that keeps them going.

what does toji have? nothing. and it’s his own fault, too. he only has a stubbornness to him that won’t let him die. his mind is the only thing that keeps him going.

and then he sees you.

you plop down on the same bench, not next to him, but only a few feet away, rummaging through your bag to find something. you’re determined, not focused on the big scary man next to you. but to toji; you’re the first person in years that has sat next to him. he stares at you, as you still search for that something in your bag – your keys, toji sees you grab your keys. you look back up, finding toji staring at you, and he doesn’t break the contact with his eyes, he only continues to stare.

“are…you okay…?” you ask the man, giving him an awkward smile, “i’m sorry if i bothered you.”

once you speak, toji shakes his head, “no, no…you’re fine. i was just thinking,” toji says. you notice his gruff tone, yeah, it fits the way he looks perfectly. he’s muscular, and has dark, dark hair that matches the midnight sky with no stars. there’s also a bored look on his face, his eyes stay half-lidded, and his mouth sits in a natural frown. but he’s handsome, you think. very handsome. but it’s almost in an unconventional way – the scarring on his lips and overall structure of his face is like none other you’ve seen before.

call it love at first sight, call it whatever you want. but you felt a certain need for this man.

“thinking about what?” you ask, in an attempt to talk to him.

toji shakes his head again, “nothing important.”

you think that he probably has no interest in you, maybe you really did catch him off guard when you sat down next to him. but toji is thinking about how he’s never seen anyone like you, too, and he’s never had anyone willingly sit next to him and try to conversate. he thinks he’s too intimidating, and he is, to pretty much anyone else.

but you – you don’t get that from him. all you see is a possibly lonely, pretty man.

“what’s your name?” you question him again, cocking your head to the side.

“mm…toji,” he says, hesitantly.

“toji…” you repeat after him, mentally repeating his name over and over as to not forget it. toji can’t peel his eyes away from your lips as you mouth his name a couple times, the way they perfectly made an “o” shape for the letter in his name.

“uhm,” toji croaks, an unfamiliar feeling of nervousness in his chest, “what’s your name?”

when you tell him your name, toji sighs in relief. he’d always found it hard to have normal conversations, outside of those he had for work purposes, but this…this wasn’t so hard. he hadn’t wished to meet someone again in forever. but he wished now that he would see you again, even if it was passing on the street. toji hangs his head down, not knowing what to say anymore. these are difficult, odd, never-visited-before feelings for him.

maybe it was love at first sight for him, too. he doesn’t really know. not yet, at least.

“toji,” you repeat his name once more, and he lifts his head to look at you, “can i have your number, or something?” if you wanted to catch toji off guard, now, this is the way to do it.

toji’s mouth drops open slightly, “uh- sure,” he mutters, and he’s unable to stare at you anymore. you hand him an old receipt and a pen you kept in your bag, and he tries his hardest to remember the number of his apartment phone.

eventually, he writes it down, and you notice his penmanship definitely needs some work. nonetheless, you smile at toji, this time more genuine rather than awkward, and tell him you have to get going. toji only stares once more as you walk away, disappearing into the crowded sidewalk, his eyes linger on you for as long as possible.

toji was lonely. so, so pathetically lonely until you showed up.

“would you want to, like…see each other again?” you ask a drunk toji over the phone. his phone cord is stretched all the way over the counter in his apartment to the couch, where he lazily laid, buzzed, and talking to you.

silence is heard on the other side of the phone for a couple seconds.

“…sure,” toji replies, and you don’t know, but he feels like he could throw up.

however, with you making all the plans, a “date” is finally planned in a couple of weeks. neither one of you is too sure what to call it. but by normal, societal standards, yes, you and him were going to go on a date.

you have phone conversations every so often as the remaining days pass. usually, it’s you calling him. that’s only because he thinks your life is too busy for someone like him. he doesn’t even know why someone like you is even talking to him.

toji will keep his insecurities under wraps for now, though. only for now.

he’s still very curious about you, though, and he wonders what makes him so curious. he’s still wondering when he walks into a bar – the one you proclaimed as your favorite – to see you on your so-called date. toji’s heart flutters for the first time in his life when he sees you. you’re already sat in one of the barstools, sipping on a mixed drink – and you are jaw-droppingly beautiful. toji doesn’t talk to you when he slides into the stool next to you.

you crane your neck to look at whoever just sat in the reserved seat, and it’s toji, not looking any differently from how you saw him a couple weeks ago. you don’t mind. he’s still attractive. you think he might just be the type that’s “unapologetically themselves.” and he is, but not in a way that makes people attracted to him.

“toji!” his name falls off your tongue so perfectly yet again, and you wrap your arms around his neck. he doesn’t hug you back, he only freezes slightly at your touch. again, you don’t mind. it’s painfully obvious he doesn’t do things like this often. you feel lucky he decided to show up in the first place.

as time ticks away, you begin to find out more about toji. he does have a sense of humor, it only takes some chipping away at his hard exterior and a few drinks for him to laugh along with you. he lives alone, and he’s honest about his job – he kills people for a living. that fact doesn’t intimidate you, it only explains why he is the way he is. he tells you a few minute details about his family life, too, and how he grew up.

nothing that he tells you scares you. it only makes sense to you. the pieces of his personality add up with the information he gives you. and silently, you thank him for explaining more about himself.

he just doesn’t want to be lonely anymore.

toji takes you back to his place that night. even the frugal décor – or lack thereof – makes sense to you. it’s a little humorous how everything fits so perfectly with his personality.

“fuck- toji!” you scream, arms shaking as you hold yourself up as toji pounds you from behind. you know you only met him a few weeks ago, and it’s bad to fuck on the first date, but you feel zero remorse with the current situation. his big, rough hands hold your hips in place, lewd, wet noises fill the air when you aren’t moaning for the man behind you. toji doesn’t pay mind to how loud you’re being – he only likes the fact you’re losing yourself because of him.

toji props his leg up on the bed, giving a new angle, and slams his hips forward to meet yours again. you feel him in the deepest parts of you, and god, he’s so warm, he makes your whole body heat up in a way you’ve never felt before. drool rolls out of your mouth, creating a small damp circle below your head. your eyes flash behind you. you see toji in all his glory – he’s actually got some emotion on his face now.

you fall asleep in toji’s bed that night.

toji prays you won’t just be a one-night stand – no, he won’t let you be a one-night stand. in toji’s mind, you’re his now.

in your mind, you are too.

a few weeks after your date, you call up toji, he notices the nervous tone in your voice, but doesn’t mention anything about it.

“toji…” you say, his name sounding so perfect once again, “toji…i’m pregnant.”

shit.

“what?” he sounds furious, and it makes you cower down, even in the comfort of your own home. you don’t repeat yourself. you know he heard you. “are you sure?” he frantically questions, slapping a hand to his forehead as he begins to sweat.

“i’ve been sick ever since our date…and all the tests i took are positive.” you whimper, not handling the news any better than toji. you want to cry and beg toji not to leave. “i’m sorry, toji,” you whisper.

“it’s…okay.” toji replies. he knows the fault lies with both of you, and the heat of the moment, and the fact that he was just so attracted to you he didn’t have time to control himself.

“i don’t know what to do,” you tell toji, tears rolling down your cheeks as you clench the phone in your hand even tighter.

“me either,” toji admits, “but…i’ll help you.” those are the only words he can think of to calm you down.

it’s going to be a sticky situation, no matter what. but you took a chance on toji, you overlooked everything wrong with him. it was now his time to return the favor.

he got his wish, though. you wouldn’t be able to go anywhere anytime soon.

toji hauls the last of your boxes into his apartment, throwing them down on the floor harder than needed.

“you have a lot of shit, woman,” he groans, wiping his forehead. you only giggle in return from your spot on the couch. he didn’t let you pick up any of the heavy boxes.

you spend the rest of the day unpacking all your clothes, completely overtaking toji’s closet with items of your own. all your things add a splash of color into toji’s space, and god knows he needs it. toji’s surprised someone can have so much stuff.

“what the hell is this?” toji asks, pulling something out of a box.

“it’s a curling iron, toji,” you reply as you roll your eyes.

by the time night comes, you’re successfully moved in with the father of your baby. empty boxes are broken down and laid by the door. you’re curled up next to toji on the couch, his arm is wrapped around you. it’s been around 3 months since your first encounter with toji downtown.

ever since you told him you were pregnant, he’s acted differently. he dotes on you, he makes sure you’re comfortable, he buys you meals because he’s clueless as to what else to buy you. toji didn’t think he had it in him. you still aren’t officially together — yet — but toji shows he has a care for you in small ways.

you’re still getting used to one another, though. you and toji differ from each other tremendously, but you have to find a way to make these things work. you show toji love, and he prefers to keep his feelings inside, showing love through him allowing you to touch him and be around him. he hasn’t allowed anyone to be this way with him before. nothing is ever long term with him.

he no longer has a choice now.

“toji,” you speak, “are we dating? are we together?” you ask.

the inquiry causes toji to furrow his eyebrows.

“why?” toji answers you with another question. you shrug.

“I just want to know,” you reply. toji shrugs.

“do you want to get married?” toji petitions.

you push yourself off toji, sitting up. you look at him, eyebrows knitted together, “what?” you almost sound the same as toji did when you told him you were pregnant. and again, the situation repeats itself. toji’s statement doesn’t recur. he knows you heard him.

toji looks at you, a sly grin on his scarred lips.

“okay,” you finally agree, “i’ll marry you, toji.”

love grows. loving someone can change you, for the better or for worse. love matures someone, it will make someone into something they once weren’t, or something they aren’t meant to be. love is beautiful. intimate, soft feelings swell inside of you in a way you cannot express.

you love toji. he loves you, too, you think.

“toji, let go of me,” you playfully giggle as you try to pry the man’s hands off your waist, “i have to cook!”

toji has his arms wrapped around you from behind, not too hard, of course, to make sure there is no damage done to the human you’re growing inside of you. he has no intentions of letting you go, despite your pleas. toji rests his head on your shoulder, kissing the crook of your neck and breathing your scent in.

“i love you.” toji whispers, a barely audible peep.

you’re taken aback for a moment. you understood long ago those words would probably never come out of his mouth; due to the rushed situation you lived in with him. but he was there with you, saying those three words that mean more than anything in this world.

“i love you too, toji,” you reply, now staying still as opposed to your earlier motions of trying to get away.

the both of you just stand there, so close, enveloped in each other’s presence. you haven’t shared a moment like this with him yet.

you crane your neck to plant a kiss on toji’s cheek, no longer fighting to get out of his grasp. you only turn yourself around and wrap your arms around his neck, encapsulating your husband in a deep hug. a hug that means more than anything that can be put into words.

that was the only time he said those words to you.

you’ve been married to toji for five and a half months. he’s a changed man, despite him still carrying the same cold demeanor as the same day you met. he’s proven to be a fine partner for you. you understand him more now, with the way he continues to keep you at arm’s length while also letting you in to his mind, expressing deep emotions whenever he was under the influence. he makes a promise to you that he won’t do anything to harm you or the baby, including with his job. he no longer wants to be put in danger, because it would put you and his baby in danger.

lonely he was no more. he had you, it was all he needed. toji felt that way for months. he would stay content and happy — although he never showed it — with you.

toji often spent his time thinking about you. he’s never had anyone like you in his life.

sometimes, love cannot change you entirely. the newness of it all wears out over time, that’s inevitable. but, it’s the choices you make along the way that show change.

all the while being a changed man, toji is still self-absorbed. he cannot run away from that fact.

you’re 8 months pregnant. the past few nights, you’ve been alone at toji’s apartment, too pregnant and tired to do anything about it.

just as you’re about to call him up, toji opens the door and stumbles through, drunk as ever. you frown.

“where the hell have you been, toji?” you raise your voice, slowly getting up from the couch.

“why the hell does it matter?” toji retorts, anger in his voice. he wasn’t expecting you to be on his ass as soon as he walked through the door.

“you’ve been gone for three days!” you yell at him, “three whole days. you said you wouldn’t take on any more dangerous jobs!”

toji makes a tch sound with his teeth, “i wasn’t on a job.” he admits.

you look at toji, confused, “where were you?”

toji runs his fingers through his already disheveled hair, “gambling.”

he says it so nonchalantly, like he didn’t just spend half a week away from his pregnant wife gambling. toji had only mentioned gambling as a bad past habit. you didn’t think he did it anymore, but as soon as he admits it, you wonder if he spent all that time gambling instead of working. it would only make sense.

“what…?” you say, voice dropping to nothing more than a whisper. toji only shakes his head and walks off into the bedroom. you stare at him until he disappears.

for weeks after, you and toji continue to argue. your conversations turn into screaming battles until one of you gives up. most nights, toji sleeps on the couch. you slowly begin to realize that everything might have been a mistake.

there’s a reason he’s never had someone like you.

your arguments falter for a while at the arrival of your baby boy. he’s beautiful, a literal bundle of joy. toji takes the role of a father very seriously at first. he makes sure he’s taken care of while you spend a few days bedridden because of the birth. you love to watch toji through your bedroom door, while he holds the baby swaddled up as he cooks for you.

a glimmer of hope remains in your heart for your marriage.

toji joins you in bed that night, the baby safely tucked away in a small bassinet on your side of the bed. you’re wrapped in toji’s arms again. the world is right. you fall asleep to the sounds of your husband’s snores. it’s a feeling you haven’t had in a long time.

selfishness is a cruel disease.

a couple months after having your baby, you’re not so lonely, spending most of your time taking care of him. you become too busy and burnt out from being a parent that you don’t notice toji’s late nights again. he always joins you in bed, at some point, but at the end of the day you’re sleeping too soundly to notice the time.

slowly, the rekindled love begins to fade for toji. he’s never there, except for when the sun is down. once you’re able to stay awake past 9p.m., the nasty monster of arguments comes back at full force.

“shut the hell up, woman! you’re pissing me off!” toji yells. the baby is wailing in your bedroom, but you are too preoccupied with your husband to do anything.

“are you kidding me? you reek of cheap perfume,” you retort, voice matching the loudness of toji’s, “who the fuck were you with?”

“none of your goddamned business!” toji shouts, taking a step closer to tower over you. he does nothing to intimidate you. you were never scared of him, so why would you be now?

“it is my business, i’m your wife!” you reply to his remarks.

toji scoffs. he makes a decision quickly, not thinking about any repercussions. he points a finger towards the door.

“get the hell out.”

your face falls from anger into an expression that can only be described as heartbreak. your husband of almost – almost – a year is kicking you out. toji’s face remains stern and cold, not a pang of regret for doing this to you.

thousands of questions run through your mind, painful silence falls over the room, and you can hear your baby screaming once more. no time is given to ask toji anything. and for once, you’re scared. not exactly scared of toji, but of the fact you don’t know how things are going to end up without him.

your shoulders relax. you look toji in the eyes, unable to hide your heartbreak, but overall, you decide to keep an unbothered façade.

indifference doesn’t matter to toji. neither does sadness, or anger.

it only takes you a few minutes to pack a bag with enough things for you and the baby. you do your best to calm him down before leaving. you walk over to the door, looking toji in the eyes once more, and for the first time, toji can see the rage in them. the rage that he caused.

“i hate you.”

you slam the door on your way out, a bag on one shoulder and the baby on your other side. you think about what toji was doing, but alas, you don’t really care. it only took a few minutes and a couple hundred hurtful words for toji to be dead to you.

toji watches from his window as you walk down the sidewalk, disappearing into the crowd with his son. he thinks about where you’re going, who you’ll stay with, and how his life will end up now that you’re more than likely gone for good.

he’s a lonely man again. he’s leaving behind someone else, yet again.

but, he doesn’t really care.

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